#I can literally link anything to something in Buffy

[curiousorigins]

Jackson is/was the Cordelia (from Buffy) of Teen Wolf wasn't he? Popular pseudo apathetic person who hated our teen heroes on sight... but then eventually softens up enough to hang with them and stuff... while still sort of keeping up a front that they don't care.

They're literally the same archetype. Still on Season 3, I know that people are going to probably die with how the last couple episodes before the finale are on Teen Wolf... and I'm in the middle of moving and can't handle dealing with sad Dead characters right now. So I've taken a break from watching it for now.

So again no spoilers. But I have heard that Jackson wasn't able to return to Teen Wolf for quite a while (like perhaps until the movie.) So we probably didn't get him to the point where he was super helpful like Cordelia eventually was. I really enjoyed Jackson and what he brought to the table. (Same with Erica and Boyd too.) Wish we had gotten more of it.

[heathtrash]

tww drabble exchange team! i have here a list of media that i’m very fond of for secret drabble purposes (i.e. any hallowe’en costumes or maybe crossover if you can make it work?? some of these are definitely here for costume purposes only). i realise that not everyone knows all the stuff i’m into and i don’t even talk about all of these on a daily basis. i hope you can find some common ground so we can be unwell about these characters together! you can go with a very subtle reference or like a full-on whatever your brain comes up with, as per my chaos request

you can use these however you wish—individual characters as costumes (or random crossover)—or couples costumes. ship them cross-media if you like??? with media that contains m/f, cross-dressing is very welcome unless stated otherwise (in which case i probably don’t want the male character(s)). anywhere i’ve put a ship name, assume the individual characters are up for grabs too

i’ve probably forgotten something, so if you’re like, “what about _?” send me an anon and i’ll let you know if it’s something i like or don’t mind receiving a reference for!

101 Dalmatians (Cruellanita)

Battlestar Galactica (Starbuck)

Beauty & the Beast (cross-dressed)

Buffy (Buffy/Faith, Willow/Tara)

Carmen Sandiego (series. i love Julia Argent SO much. you have no idea. also Carmen of course. and whatever their ship name is)

Carol (Carol/Therese)

Charmed

Critical Role (Imodna, Vexleth, Beaujester, Beauyasha. no m/f cross-dressing here actually)

The Devil Wears Prada (Mirandy only)

Discworld (any of the witches (main series. I don’t know Tiffany Aching yet) - i don’t ship them but they’re fun. also Susan Sto Helit hhhhhhh)

Doctor Who (except 10th Doctor. Jenny/Vastra, 13/River, 13/Missy)

Downton Abbey (Lady Mary/Baxter my beloved)

Dracula (novel. the ladies. idk. i love vampires)

Dragon Age (only played origins so far but i love Leliana, Morrigan, Wynne)

Enchanted

Frozen (Elsamaren. Elsa & Anna only if they’re not portrayed by a romantic ship)

Gentleman Jack

GLOW (Ruth/Debbie but i love all these gays)

Hacks (Deborah/Ava)

Hades (the game. idk i love Nyx, Artemis, Aphrodite. all of the ladies)

His Dark Materials (Marisa Coulter/Mary Malone only)

Homestuck (if you pick this you’re so cursed (affectionate). Rosemary or any f/f ship. but heck, anything if you’re this committed)

The Incredibles (Edna Mode, Helen Parr)

Jane Austen (any novel)

Jane Eyre

Kim Possible (Kim/Shego)

Lady Dimitrescu

Lady Felicia Montague from Father Brown

A League of Their Own (any)

Little Witch Academia (i love Ursula Callistis)

The Locked Tomb (Griddlehark, any)

Lolly Willowes

Maleficent/Briar Rose

The Marvellous Mrs Maisel (Miriam/Susie)

Mary Poppins

Mass Effect (Liara/femshep, Chakwas/femshep, any f/f)

Matilda (Jennifer Honey)

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries (Phryne, Mac)

Ms Valerie Frizzle

The Mummy (Evelyn/cross-dressed Jonathan. or better yet, Evelyn/Meela from Returns)

Nintendo (Zelda, Link, Rosalina, Samus, Peach, Daisy)

Orlando (character by Virginia Woolf)

Phantom of the Opera (Christine/cross-dressed Phantom)

Rebecca (Mrs Danvers/Rebecca, Mrs Danvers/narrator)

Ride the musical

Sailor Moon (any f/f but i’m also into the idea of cross-dressed Tuxedo Mask)

Scooby-Doo (Velma/Daphne)

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Catradora but any f/f ships)

Star Trek (Kiradax, J7, Jadzia Dax/Lenara Kahn, Christine Chapel/anyone, literally whatever f/f)

Star Wars (movies/series. Dedra Meero/Arihnda Pryce. Padmé Amidala/Satine Kryze. Sabine Wren/Shin Hati. i do not know what happens in the majority of the novels. any other f/f you can imagine or some fun cross-dressing)

Steven Universe (Pearl my beloved. anything f/f but i’m not that interested in Steven or the human characters)

Tangled (Cassunzel)

Ugly Betty (i don’t have any ships idk)

Wednesday and The Addams Family (Wednesday/Enid, Morticia/cross-dressed Gomez)

The Well of Loneliness

The Wheel of Time (Moiraine/Siuan)

Wicked (Gelphie)

The Witcher (Yennaia)

Wuthering Heights

Xena/Gabrielle

non-fandom specific:

any legendary historical ladies (Joan of Arc, Julie d’Aubigny)

any generic costumes that aren’t gross (i.e. poacher/prey animal, ball and chain. basically anything that has you asking if the cishets are okay)

[coraniaid]

OK, but what is the point of retconning Jenny Calendar’s background in Surprise/Innocence?

Setting aside for a second all the reasons it’s a bad idea - the lazy stereotypes about the Romani people and their supposed links to magic and fortune telling and curses it perpetuates, the fact the script has Jenny’s uncle explicitly say that the Romani are not like “the modern man”, the fact that the Kalderash are a real group of human beings (though not a “tribe” as the show insists on calling them), who probably shouldn’t be treated as fodder for a silly fantasy television show, the fact that later in the season (in Passion) it becomes apparent that the writers don’t know the difference between Romani and Romanian, the fact that neither Robia Scott nor Vincent Schiavelli actually have any Romani heritage, the fact that the show itself doesn’t ever use the word “Romani”, prefering instead to use a word that was recognized as a slur even in the 1990s – what does it actually add to the story that the show is trying to tell?

The “Janna of the Kalderash” retcon comes completely out of nowhere, so there’s nothing intentionally odd or ambiguous about her prior behavior that it can be used to explain.  Surprise briefly fakes that Jenny is going to try to do something to hurt Buffy, but no: she’s just taking her to the Bronze for her surprise party in a slightly weird way.  Jenny encourages Angel to leave town with the Judge’s arm, but: (1) this was actually a good idea which everyone agreed with and he should have done it and (2) he didn’t.  

And it’s made very clear over the course of these two episodes that Jenny doesn’t know anything about the curse’s loophole until after the fact.  The first thing she does on finding out the curse has been broken is to rush back to the school and help to save Willow’s life.  So her entire “betrayal” of Buffy (a girl she’s known for less than nine months and who she hasn’t ever been allowed to have any emotional connection with beyond both knowing Giles anyway) boils down to her doing … what, exactly?  All those times she tried to break Buffy and Angel up?  The ones that never happened?  Not telling Buffy that the people who cursed Angel to suffer for eternity secretly wanted him to … still be suffering in the present?  Not sharing her family tree unprompted with a teenage girl she doesn’t even know and who doesn’t seem to ever attend her classes?  I genuinely don’t understand exactly why Buffy is meant to be upset at her. 

Literally the only things I can see that this twist sets up are:

Providing another excuse for Giles and Jenny to break up (an excuse which we simply didn’t need! They only got back together at the very end of Ted, which was the most recent episode Jenny was in!  Just drop that subplot if you want to keep them separated!  Is it really so important that this time it’s Giles breaking up with her and not the other way around?)

Allowing for a scene where Buffy attacks a teacher in a crowded classroom, something that – while certainly a memorable and striking moment – is never followed up on despite the multiple witnesses and the fact the school’s principal is canonically always looking for an excuse to expel Buffy

Giving Jenny a reason to want to try to restore Angel’s soul later in the season, a reason that she 100% does not need.  You’ve already established that she knows magic!  That was part of her characterisation in her very first episode!  She could just be trying to help!  You know, the way Willow will do later on?  Why does she have to be doing this as some weird form of self-imposed penance? (Why does she not do any magic this season before the retcon?)

Introducing a means by which somebody can explicitly spell out to Buffy (and the audience) exactly how Angel’s curse was broken (first in her conversation with her uncle and then again in the computer lab with Giles and Buffy)

You don’t need to do the first three of those things at all, and you can do the fourth in practically any other way.  Have a flashback!  The Buffy writers and costume department love flashbacks!  Let Buffy learn about it in a dream – this pair of episodes is full of prophetic dreams!  Have somebody find something hidden away in the library – that works for literally every other bit of magical nonsense, doesn’t it?  Have Jenny find out by digging around on the internet, if it’s so important she be involved.  Use the fact she’s meant to be good at that!  Hell, have “Uncle Enyos” turn up and deliver his own exposition directly to Buffy, if you really must include a Romani character in the present day.

What does Jenny Calendar not really being “Jenny Calendar” add to the episode or the season arc or the wider show?  Why give her an uncle for Angelus to kill if she’s never going to mourn him or mention him again?  Why have her buried under the name “Jennifer” -- a name she never actualy uses while alive -- if you’re going to make a point of telling us it isn’t really hers?

(The frustrating thing is that I think that Surprise and Innocence are both very good!  Innocence in particular is probably the best episode of the show so far.  Maybe the best episode of the whole show.  Almost everything about these two episodes is really really good.  And then there’s … this.)

[juniperhillpatient]

also on another different but related tangent about supernatural horror - we haven’t gotten season 2 yet of course but I think School Spirits is so far a really good example of a modern ghost story? I also really liked Julie & the Phantoms & I’ve been on my early Supernatural shit lately. I think the reasons these stories work despite not always being straight horror & the reason like, Buffy’s creature feature monster of the week episodes work so well is that it’s allowed to be small. the most famous episodes of the x files are the ones set in isolated specific circumstances. the twilight zone continues to be a classic for a reason.

I think supernatural horror to some extent almost loses its punch for me when it gets to be too much about saving the whole world (yes I know even early Buffy was always about saving the world but the nice thing is that because it’s only 7 seasons aka it didn’t outlive its quality like Supernatural did & each season was allowed to be long we still got a LOT of great monster of the week episodes every season) which is perhaps why there’s a few shows I really love but I am overall really more into watching movies if I’m gonna try something new. I like cohesive self contained stories.

& supernatural stories are more interesting when it’s a dead girl solving her own murder if she can’t do anything about it or change her fate - a girl having complicated family issues meeting dead boys who are intrinsically linked with her mother who’s passed - a story about a girl who felt so alone she became invisible or an abusive boy who became a literal monster - a woman who murdered her own children & 2 boys dealing with their own issues with an absent mother & a missing father stopping her from causing further harm - etc. I’m not saying you can’t have that world saving plot at the end lurking in the background of the MOTW episodes but it’s ALL shows are now from what I can see. everyone wants to be a marvel movie.

my point is more supernatural shows should stop trying to be super hero show & start focusing on individual stories that can make the audience feel something. I miss monster of the week episodes.

[bodytoflame-ao3]

FIC: i can't hide from you like i hide from myself

Buffy's spent four years trying to forget the revelation that her and Faith are soulmates, whatever that means.

Faith's been tracing a scar that's not hers for months.

(Giles, frankly, is terrified.)

10, 983 words; complete; explicit

Read on Ao3

“Am I being punished, Giles? Am I cursed?”

Giles pushes his glasses up. “No—” He clears his throat, sliding his open book toward her, “quite the opposite, I believe.”

“Giles, please tell me this is a joke.”

“Hardly. The concept of soulmates is long-standing, with myths and accounts dating back thousands of years in plenty of cultures across the world—”

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

He sighs. “There’s many variations on the concept, but one moreso than others: a grave injury dealt to one will leave a mark on the other. It’s, erm, somewhat more well-documented with Slayers, due to the penchant for harm. Still, very rare.”

“Okay, cool, soulmates exist! Big deal! I’m a bit more hung up on the part where you seem to be implying mine is Faith.”

Because there’s no way. Faith is evil, and, well, a girl, more (or less?) importantly.

“Ah, yes… that.”

He’s cleaning his glasses again, and Buffy’s starting to wonder if it’s some weird coping strategy.

“While I’m aware the popular narrative tends to highlight the idea of romantic soulmates, the truth is, it’s often much more complicated than that. A platonic, even spiritual link—”

“Are you just trying to make me feel better?” She asks, crossing her arms.

“No, Buffy. It’s in the book if you’d rather read it for yourself.”

He gestures to the book in front of her — the one she’s been deliberately avoiding looking at.

That would make it too real. Which it definitely isn’t. “I’d rather not.”

“It is quite possible it has something to do with you both being the Slayer. It’s never happened before, so I’m afraid I have no reference.”

“Can we talk about literally anything else now? Like, I don’t know, the rapidly approaching apocalypse?”

“Potential apocalypse,” he clarifies, “hopefully an averted one if all goes well.”

“Hey, look on the bright side. You get to blow stuff up.”

“Perhaps I’d be more excited if it weren’t an institute of learning.”

“Yeah, but this one’s on top of a gateway to hell. I say that makes it even.”

Giles sighs, and shakes his head, hiding his smile and holding back laughter.

The moment passes, and he goes back to his research, while Buffy traces the wood grain of the table, just past the book.

“It’s just, if Faith is my soulmate — and I’m not saying she is — why does she hate me? What, are we like fated enemies?”

“It’s unlikely. The book speaks of a close bond that can reveal deep personal truths. And… are you sure that’s how she feels?”

“Giles,” Buffy says, looking him in the eyes. “If she didn’t before, she does now.”

“And what the future could hold?”

“Probably not a lot. I mean… the way we fought together, yeah, I get it, but… there’s no coming back from almost killing someone.”

“She was trying to harm you. It was self-defense.”

“And you think that’ll make her feel any better about the fact that I stabbed her? If she even wakes up?”

“I can’t claim to understand the mind of a teenage girl, but I do understand these books, Buffy. This is a unique bond, one that can’t be broken by mortal affairs.”

She’s been thinking about what Giles said to her that day since Faith showed up in her living room. Thinking about it, and trying to forget it.

--

“B?” Faith’s voice rings through the empty house from the foyer. Closer; “I know you’re here.”

She’s been thinking it about it since he told her. In a lot of different ways. The whole five stages of grief, really. If the thought of Faith’s lips on her own had ever crossed her mind, she made sure it didn’t show.

Because she so hasn’t spent the last four years thinking about it; pushing the dreams where she kisses Faith into the deepest depths of her mind where no one can find them.

Buffy sighs, calling out: “Go away.”

There’s too many other things to deal with to think about them.

A moment later, she leans against the doorway, arms crossed. “No. We gotta talk.”

She looks as cool and collected as she’s ever been; always an air of ease about her. Like nothing matters. She’s said as much in the past. But that’s just what people say, right?

Buffy has experience with pretending to be fine. “I don’t need any pity, I just want to be alone.”

Maybe she’s just here to laugh in her face. It would be easier for both of them if she was.

“Just wanted to… make sure you were okay. I’d say it’s not safe for a girl to be alone in this town at night, but… abandoned or not, we both know you can hold your own,” She says, smirking. “But… all that… it was fucked up, kicking you out of your own house.”

Buffy sits up, running her fingers through the side of her hair that was on the pillow. “Yeah.”

“And… I’m sorry I didn’t do anything about it. Truth is, I was freaked, y’know, I just got back here, you guys barely trust me, and I didn’t wanna make things worse.”

The tension between them is as strong as ever, and what Faith knows is only half of it. It’s been different for Buffy since that night on the rooftop. Faith might not know it, but Buffy trusts her — while she’s not quite ready to put it in writing… she does. She knows she shouldn’t, but it’s hard not to. There’s been an inexplicable draw between them since they first met.

She wonders if Faith feels it too.

“No, no, I get it, it’s… fine.”

“Yeah, I…” She scratches the back of her neck sheepishly, takes a step into the room, and the entire atmosphere changes. “It’s really not, B. Look, I came back here to try and make at least some things right, and that’s like, the opposite of it.”

“You didn’t kick me out.”

“But I said you needed to cool it, and… I mean, I think you were a little hard on ‘em, but I never would’ve said it if I knew they were gonna—”

“But you didn’t.” A beat. “Why did you come here, Faith?”

“I saw the First,” she admits, “and… I knew he wasn’t real, but it still freaked me out.”

“Yeah. It tends to do that.” Buffy wants to ask her what she saw, but she doesn’t — hopes Faith will offer it up on her own, but doesn’t want to push. They know too many dead people, and Buffy doesn’t know her life before Sunnydale. Though, she’s always wanted to.

“It was the Mayor. Like he hadn’t aged a day— I guess he wasn’t really doin’ that before, either, but… y’know what I mean.” She smiles, just a bit. “It was weird. Like he… it knew everything, and knew how it would make me feel. Why’s this shit gotta be all different? I was fine when it was just big baddies to punch, but I’m out of my element here.”

The more human they are… the harder they are to kill. Not just mentally, the act of killing something so similar to yourself, but because of the way they know how humans work, act, think, feel… They can manipulate you. In her dreams, she fears she’s been playing into what the First wants this whole time.

“This isn’t my kind of thing either,” Buffy says, joking (and somewhat serious), “Hey, maybe you’ll be less reckless than me. Show them things’ve really changed.”

Maybe Faith was right. Maybe she is the good Slayer now. Maybe that’s what the Slayer has to be to beat this thing.

Faith scoffs. “B, I don’t wanna be in charge. I can’t, I'm not good. You gotta come back and talk some sense into them.”

“Yeah, in my experience, not wanting stuff doesn’t usually seem to do much to stop it.” And that’s basically everything in her life since she found out she was the Slayer.

Faith glares at her.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. They want you.”

“They don’t know what I am.”

“To them, you’re a Slayer. You’re who they could be someday.” They don’t see her past. Hell, they don’t know it. But she’s cooler than Buffy, and they’re just looking for some sense of normal. And Faith is… somehow, more normal. On the outside. And they like that idea more than the reality of me.

“I can’t… I don’t know the plan. I barely even know what we’re up against here.”

“God, I wish there was a plan.”

“There’s no plan?”

She shrugs, trying not to show her dread at how absolutely fucked they are. “Not past ‘destroy ancient evil’ and ‘get brunch’ — that was Andrew’s idea.”

“That’s it?”

“…I thought the brunch part sounded pretty good,” she offers — it’s easy to say, not full of dread and darkness, and it’s how they’ve always coped.

“Yeah, if we’re not dead.”

Buffy smiles, and nods toward the space next to her. Faith’s presence has always felt natural, especially when she’s close.

Tentatively, Faith crosses the distance between them, and sits down. “Look, we need you. They do, even if they won’t say it, and I know I do.”

Maybe, somewhere, she knows that — that it’s always been her duty, her responsibility, her mission to take care of the people in her life, even the ones she barely knows. She meant what she said to Faith — these girls could be them someday — and she owes it to her younger self to look out for them. But she also knows what she was like at sixteen — what Faith was like at sixteen, and it might be easy to make that argument at twenty-one, but it’s a lot harder to accept it when your entire world’s been thrown into a tailspin, and all you want is an ounce of control. To not follow the rules for once.

Buffy sees worry fall across Faith’s face when she doesn’t respond. She looks into her eyes, and asks, “Are you mad at me? ‘Cause you sound like you’re mad at me.”

Faith’s gaze on her feels way more overwhelming than it should; huge and brown, brows furrowed. They get her flustered, and she stumbles over the accusation when she answers.

“No! I’m not, I… I’m mad at everything.”

“B, come on… it’s like you’re still walking on eggshells around me. What’s it gonna take? I’m here.”

She’s the only one here. Hell, she exists, when she shouldn’t — or maybe, that’s Buffy. “I know. I know, and I can’t thank you enough—”

“Then how come you don’t flinch when Angel’s around? Hell, even Spike seems to get a pass, and don’t give me the soul bullshit.”

Because I’m afraid if you touch me I won’t be able to stop myself. Even admitting that to herself feels terrifying.

“That’s… different.”

“How come?” She chuckles, “Cause you slept with ‘em?”

Buffy blushes bright red at her suggestion, shaking her head in an attempt to get the intrusive thoughts out — the ones that are currently chaining together the words ‘sleeping with Faith’ — “No!”

“So level with me, okay?” Faith asks, entirely serious, all traces of teasing gone from her voice. “What’s different? ‘Cause me and Angel, we’ve done a lot of things we regret. To you in particular. And I would’ve hated to admit it even a year ago, but we’re a lot more alike than I thought. Look, I’ve been trying to do good. I wanna keep doing it, but not alone. I said it before, and it’s still true, we’re the same. I don’t wanna just be the chosen one.”

Faith looks… older. Stronger. It shouldn’t surprise her. Older makes sense, and, well, she had a lot of free time to build up more muscle… In her mind, she was still envisioning her as that scared girl. The one who covered up her insecurity with snark and sultry. Until a second ago. And it’s like seeing her for the first time again, beautiful, and strong, and fiery, and passionate. Wanting — wanting more from what her life was before; wanting someone who understood.

But this time, Buffy gets it.

“Chosen Two,” Buffy says, remembering her words.

She nods.

Buffy takes a breath; lifts the hem of her shirt gently. “It’s different because of this.”

Faith’s hand reaches out, the lightest touch of her fingertips touching the scar. Buffy doesn’t flinch; fights the instinct until it fades.

She doesn’t speak for a few seconds. “B, I don’t… where, uh… where’d you get this?”

“You,” she says, simply. Or— “or, well, me.” She still feels guilty; asks, bluntly, “Do you believe in soulmates?”

She scoffs.

“This showed up the day after…” Buffy trails off, entirely unsure how to phrase it.

Faith shifts uncomfortably. “Gee, no wonder they thought you were losin’ it.”

“Faith…” She can feel her retreating.

“Too soon?” she quips, her body language suddenly stiff.

“I know you know.” It’s a bold claim. Buffy doesn’t, not really. She just has a feeling — the way she hesitated before she asked about the scar, the way she’s withdrawing back into herself now.

The way she’s always been one step ahead of what Faith was willing to give.

“It’s whatever, B. No big deal. Bigger shit to deal with than old fairy tales. Let’s get you back home and figure out—”

Buffy cuts her off. That’s the one thing she isn’t willing to do now. “No. I’m not going back there.”

“Alright. Suit yourself,” she sighs, going to stand up—

She can’t go. Buffy grabs her hand. “Stay. Please.”

Faith shakes her head, offering a hard gaze back at her. “It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

“Why not?” Buffy challenges, pouting. But she doesn’t even know what she’s asking for, what she wants Faith to stay for.

“I don’t do shit like that,” Faith says, blunt.

And maybe that’s true. Buffy’s never done anything like this (whatever it is) either, and still… there’s some part of her that’s drawn to Faith; needs her here. It wasn’t like this when she was gone — far away where Buffy didn’t have to (but did) think about her. Now that she’s close, it’s like everything’s a million times bigger, more connected.

“So you’re saying… what exactly?” Because she thought she knew what Faith wanted — her. That’s what she’s always wanted, right? Why she did everything she did, why she came back?

She pulls her hand away, standing up and wiping her palms on her thighs. “Yeah, we’re connected. But not like that.”

“So, how is it?”

“The whole Slayer thing. No one else like us?”

“I… Giles told me that, when…” When I came to him crying with a scar that wasn’t mine, thinking I killed you. “And I thought he was right. I mean, he’s Giles. Always full of knowledge with the supernatural stuff, but…”

But that was the easy way to think about it. And nothing between them has ever been easy.

“Yeah, he told me too. I mean… when I was you, so… indirectly.” She sighs. “But I did my research.”

So she does know. “And?”

“And that’s it. Pretty obvious what it ain’t, what with how much you hate me. Maybe that’s what we’re destined for.”

Buffy reaches for her hand a second time; pulls back halfway there. “I never hated you.”

Faith doesn’t say anything.

“I felt like I failed you.”

Maybe she should hate her. It seems like the logical thing to do, with everything they’ve done to each other. But she can’t — she’s never been able to, really. Tried, but saying it doesn’t make it true.

“You’re not responsible for me,” Faith says, blunt, putting more space between them.

“No.” Buffy stands, taking the distance back. “No, I shouldn't've been. But I was. And you were young, and hurt, and scared, and so was I, and there’s not a day where I don’t think about all the better ways things could’ve turned out.”

Faith shakes her head. “I needed it.”

“What you needed was a mentor.”

“And I got one. Eventually.” She purses her lips. “Look, me and authority… I wouldn’t’ve listened. Hell, G tried to be that for me, and I didn’t.”

Buffy lets her speak, because she’s afraid that anything she says will ruin… something. What is this, this thing they have? She’s never been able to define it or explain it.

“I read that stupid soulmate page over and over. Probably three times before I got the courage to look down. It felt like… a punishment. And here I thought I wanted to hurt you, but… not like that.”

It felt like a punishment to Buffy. That she’d have to bear this scar for the rest of her life, reminding her of Faith and what she did. She’d always thought it would feel like a relief for Faith — getting the last word in, making her remember. But she looks like she could cry now, and it’s a foreign expression on her face.

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I made you.” Faith’s guilt seeps through the bond. That connection’s always been there, if she listened hard enough. Faith… didn’t mean to hurt her either.

“I— can we… can we talk about something else?”

She shakes her head. “B… there’s some shit I gotta say.”

Maybe it’s been long enough. Maybe she can let her say it now.

“I’m sorry. And I know it doesn’t mean much, but I am. None of it was meant to hurt you. I just… I wanted it to be over. I didn’t… want any of it anymore. When you came to L.A… I went there because I knew the only person that would be able to stop it was Angel.”

It feels like Faith’s crawled into her skin again, because she knows exactly what that feeling means, exactly what she’s saying. She wanted to die, and Buffy didn’t even let her — let Angel — explain. What could she even have said? She wouldn’t have understood, not yet, anyways, but now that she’s crawled out of the dirt with her bare hands, she does, too well.

“I know the feeling.”

“…Buffy.”

But Buffy doesn’t want to talk about that. “But you’re here now.”

She wants to know why.

“Of course I am.”

So she asks. “Why?”

“I told you, Willow said—”

“No,” she says, gentle as ever. Not why you’re in Sunnydale. Why you’re here, now. “Tell me the real reason.”

She takes a second to collect herself; steady her breathing before she responds. “You’ve clearly got somethin’ to say, so just say it, B.”

Maybe she can say it — the thing that’s been there, just past the surface, since they were young, when Faith was sixteen, baby-faced and pouty.

“Faith,” she says, biting her lip, and daring to step closer. “Tell me you haven’t always wanted to kiss me.”

“I… what?”

Buffy knows she’s caught her off guard, and to be honest, she hasn’t quite decided why she’s asking now. But she needs to know.

“I am so tired of people not just being honest with me. So just tell me.”

She knows her voice sounds desperate, and she’s half-expecting payback for that punch she pulled yesterday. But Faith just sounds exhausted as she stares her down, mumbles; “…Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“…‘Okay’?”

“I’m… I didn’t think I’d get this far.” Faith scrunches her brows. “I kinda thought you’d start a fight before you… admitted that.”

“You, uh, made a compelling case. Hard to say no.” Her signature snark sneaks back in, smirking as her eyes glance down.

“Oh,” is all Buffy can say as she watches Faith check her out. And it’s not the first time, but it’s the first time it’s put a… feeling in her gut.

“Are you saying… you wanna kiss me?” She hears innocence, hesitation in Faith’s voice, like they’re kids again.

Buffy’s been thinking about it since high school. Never wanting, just… imagining. “I think so,” she admits.

But her thoughts are clouded: with worry that she’ll ruin the semblance of an alliance they’ve built up these past few weeks; worry that if she kisses her, she might not like it; worry that she will.

She shakes her head. “You gotta be sure, B.”

Buffy’s hand traces the curve of her waist with the lightest touch, settling at the top of her hip. “I’m not, but…”

Faith can’t say no to her; runs a thumb along the edge of her jaw, tilts her chin up to meet her eyes. She has those chunky combat boots on that give her another inch over Buffy. “Your move.”

Buffy can feel her nervousness through the bond. It’s comforting — because Buffy’s terrified. She needs a second to breathe, to think. But Faith’s gaze is locked directly at her, unflinching. She really does want to kiss her — that’s a terrifying idea.

And Faith wants to kiss her. She feels that too, so desperately.

So Faith must know, must feel it too. But she doesn’t move. She waits; drops her hand to Buffy’s shoulder, but keeps looking in her eyes.

She shouldn’t want to kiss her. For plenty of reasons; none of them too convincing. She would’ve back in high school, if Faith had made the first move, despite what she’s said before. Something about her… so strong but so vulnerable… made Buffy want to figure out every part of her. If Faith had done something about it… maybe that would’ve included the part of her that was falling for Buffy.

Even now, she wants to pull her apart and figure out everything unspoken between them.

She starts with a tentative lean in, panic in her gut as she feels Faith’s surprised exhale on her lips.

They catch their breath.

Then Buffy kisses her — soft, feather-light, easy. Hands crawl across her back and pull her closer, legs interlocking, deepening the kiss.

Faith’s lips are soft. Softer than she expected. It feels wrong to imagine her any other way now, because how could she be anything else? Her face isn’t rough with stubble against hers, and the arms around her are strong and muscular, but not sharp, and it feels good.

Overwhelmingly so, so she pulls back, unsure.

“B, I—”

Faith doesn’t get another word out before Buffy realizes how much she misses the feeling and kisses her again. A hand finds the back of her neck, and Faith takes control, threading her fingers through her hair and tugging her ponytail free.

Buffy realizes that Faith’s wanted this for a long time. Not just to kiss her, but to be close to someone. She feels it in her desperate grip; the way she gasps when Buffy tangles her own hand in her curls.

And Buffy’s tired of being alone.

Faith’s hands grab her waist, sudden and sharp, pressing their bodies together, hands trailing down the small of her back and down to the roundness of her thighs. Rough hands grab at her flesh, like Faith is trying to pull her apart.

Maybe she wants her to. She spent so long just wanting to feel, and this woman — woman, she’s still processing that fact — the way she holds onto her, the desire behind it, feels better than anything.

She wants Faith. Wants her in the bodily sense, yes (and that’s another part to unpack), but more importantly, wants the connection between them she’s been trying to ignore and repress for years, the one she’s finally starting to let herself feel.

She wants to know what it’ll feel like when Faith comes.

Buffy lets out a quiet, held back moan against her lips (and tries not to, she swears). It’s like every thought she’s spent years repressing about Faith, all at once.

Faith shivers, asks, “God, what did you just think about?”

“I—” her face flushes, hot and red, “Nothing.”

“Whatever it was, it was fucking hot.”

“You… you can feel that?”

An arm wraps around her back, tracing circles. “I’ve felt it for the last three years. Left me running on fumes for hours tryin’ not to touch myself until lights out every time you got some.”

“Oh.” Her face is beet red, and Faith’s completely flipped this around on her, her confidence back in something she knows all too well — antagonizing her with flirting. She can feel Faith’s touch, so strong through her paper thin shirt.

“But if you just thinkin’ about it now…” she grins, and closes her eyes, and Buffy feels warmth pool low in her gut.

The bond’s lit up between them now, stronger than it’s ever been. She’s desperately trying to not think about Faith. Still — “What did you…?”

Faith looks her in the eyes; “Wondering what you taste like.”

Buffy’s silent. She’s fully aware of Faith pressed against her, feeling the rise and fall of her chest every time she breathes. She’s more than aware of Faith’s thigh between hers.

“I can feel you wanna kiss me, B, but what else do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know.” She really doesn’t. Not what she’s supposed to do, let alone what she wants. She doesn’t want Faith to move, so she holds on to her tighter.

“Are you scared?”

“Yeah.” Not of danger; not that Faith might hurt her. She hasn’t been this nervous since she was seventeen, and terrified she’d do something wrong.

“Tell me what feels good.”

“Your hands,” she manages to answer — Faith’s nails trace a line under her shirt and up her spine; fingers firm into her skin, nails trimmed to the quick.

“What else?”

Her eyes dart down, heaving breaths reigniting the contact between them; feels the heat of Faith’s gaze at her black bra, which she knew was on display, but feels so much more so when it’s her. And Faith’s shirt is tight, and so… low cut… and she can’t help but look — because entirely objectively, it’s hot.

She doesn’t look up. “Us. Like this.”

Faith pushes her hair behind her ear. “Yeah?”

Buffy nods, and meets her gaze, just as Faith shifts with a grin, her thigh pressing between her legs. She tries to follow, but Faith stops her with a hand on her chest, fingers resting at the base of her throat.

“You’re so pent up, B. Tell me what you want.”

It’s true, she is. It’s been months. She pulls at the loose black fabric around Faith’s stomach. “Off.”

“Done,” she says, moving her hands out of the way to pull the shirt over her head, quickly meeting her with another searing kiss, teeth gently pulling at Buffy’s bottom lip.

Faith’s hands inch her shirt up, hard pressure on her stomach, and she can’t take it. Her sleeves are long, and constricting, and the thin fabric does nothing to block the feeling of the heat of Faith’s body brushing up against her. She helps her pull it off, gasping as Faith’s hand brushes past her breast.

Buffy’s grasp settles on her belt, running her fingers along the metal ridges just below the small of her back, focusing on the tactile sensation and not the kisses Faith has started to trail down her neck. Her hands run along the studs, around her hips, thumbs stumbling with the buckle. Her hands are shaking. She wants this, she knows Faith wants this.

Faith cups her cheeks, eyes flitting down at her hands.

It’s been years since she’s been with someone she felt this closely connected to. Angel feels like a lifetime ago. And she cares about Spike — for everything that he’s done for her, for her family. Maybe she even loves him. She’s just not in love with him, not right now. Maybe she could be, some day — he has a soul, and a love for her she can’t quite wrap her head around.

But right now, Faith Lehane is looking at her with concern and adoration, heart pounding in her chest. And the now-ness of it all — that wins out.

Buffy wraps her hands underneath Faith’s thighs, pulling her up just long enough that she can turn them around, and drop her onto the bed, climbing up to straddle her hips. She’s the one on top, but it feels like she’s had the wind knocked out of her.

Faith’s stunned, flushed face below her turns her on more than she ever thought possible. If the way she bites her lip as she looks up at Buffy is any indication, it’s doing the same for her. She pauses, breathing slow and steady, hair splayed across her chest and the sheets; takes Buffy’s hand and pulls her down to kiss her again with a smile.

It hits Buffy that the last time she saw Faith smile like this was when she showed up at her house for Christmas. Was she really that blind, or did she just not want to see it? Some part of her had to know, because they’re here, and Faith’s always looked at her like she trusts her with her life, no matter what she decides to do with it.

Faith rolls them to the side, and pulls away, hand lingering on Buffy’s shoulder. “You want this?”

Buffy just nods.

“God, I—” she laughs, voice breaking, like she doesn’t believe her. “I don’t even know what to say.”

She can’t look her in the eyes, not when Faith’s touch is so tender. So she reaches out, brushing her fingers across the scar on Faith’s stomach as it catches her eye, equally delicately. “I’ve seen this every day wondering what it looks like on you.”

It looks exactly like hers, it’s almost eerie.

“You didn’t…?”

“I couldn’t.” It was already too much being reminded of it on her own body. Still, there was this morbid curiosity. “It really is the same.”

Now, it just feels like they’re the same. Just like she always said. And Faith isn’t bitter at her for it anymore (she’s not sure if she ever was).

“I had a thing for you that first night in the Bronze,” Faith breathes, a weight lifted for both of them.

“I know.” Buffy pulls at her hips by her belt buckle, hands finally confident enough to pull it open. Faith is cautious, still kissing her gently, holding back.

Buffy knows what it’s like to hold back. How it’s this pent up fire inside her gut. She pulls the belt from Faith’s jeans — wants to touch her like no one else can — fumbles with the clasp of her bra and wrenches it from her body. She can’t bring her eyes to look, but her hands are far braver, finding the swell of her breast; feeling the goosebumps prickling her skin under her touch. She kisses the edge of her jaw, the pulse point of her neck; drags her teeth across the soft skin.

“Fuck,” Faith whispers, a rasp in her voice.

A hand palms Buffy’s breast, and despite the layers of fabric, she finds her body jumping at the contact. Her hands are small; fingertips digging into the flesh just above her bra. She senses Faith’s hesitation, but she doesn’t want to lose her touch, covering the hand on her chest with her own, keeping her there.

She murmurs into Faith’s neck, “You’re in your head again. I want you.”

Her words must light up something within Faith, because she brings Buffy’s lips to hers again, digging her nails into her cleavage.

“B, take it off,” she manages, between kisses.

She does, and she doesn’t even feel shy about it — especially not when Faith’s immediate response is to bring her hands to one breast, and her lips to another. Buffy threads her fingers through her hair, unsure what else to do with her hands. Even with the lingering questions of ‘oh god am I doing this right’, she silently wishes she figured… whatever this is… out sooner. (And makes a horribly cursed mental note to ask Willow if she’s always been having foreplay this good).

Her open-mouthed ministrations trail up to her neck, fingers on her collarbone, pulling the skin between her lips, intent on leaving a bruise. It’s the right side of her neck — Faith’s lips just barely overlap two jagged puncture marks.. The scar tugs, but the pain fades into the background with the rest of Faith’s attention. Buffy almost wishes the mark would last longer, but it’ll be gone by morning.

Buffy pulls Faith closer, intertwining their legs; she feels Faith’s chest press up against hers, feels the girl shift in her arms as hard peaks brush together. Faith’s toeing a careful line between her own arousal and taking Buffy through this slow. She’s never wanted slow — they’ve never been slow.

Faith rocks into her thigh, grip on her shoulder tightening. Buffy undoes the button of her jeans, reaching for the zipper, but Faith’s hands stop her, pinning her on her back with her arms above her head. “Let me,” she says, panting above her, hair falling down into Buffy’s face. “Please.”

It feels like fighting, and Buffy doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to look at her the same way again, especially not in training.

She nods, meek and silent, watching intently as Faith’s demeanor shifts, trailing a teasing touch down her stomach. “What can I do?”

“Anything,” Buffy answers.

Without missing a beat, she unzips her boots and kicks them to the floor. “Anything, anything?”

“Yeah.”

With the wide opportunity Buffy’s given her… Faith kisses the scar on her stomach. It’s more intimate than any other touch they’ve shared tonight. She doesn’t even give Buffy time to process it: Thumbs play with the button on her striped jeans, and she feels heat settle between her thighs with no immediate explanation.

Faith looks up at her with a soft grin, explains, “I kinda wanna find out, B.”

She remembers Faith’s words, and guides her hands to the zipper, undoing the button herself. “Then get these off.”

Buffy manages to get out of them without too much hassle, breathing rapidly underneath her.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Faith says.

She blushes.

“Do you know how many times I’ve gotten myself off wishing it was you?”

Buffy wants it to be her this time. She wants to touch her even if she’s not quite sure how. She looks so beautiful like this — already knows she looks even better beneath her — wants to see her all strung out in bliss.

But Faith wants her first, she can feel that. And she wants that too. She’s so tense; heat low in her body frustrating to no end — feels it in Faith too, stronger, and wonders how she could want like this, ahead of her own needs. She’s crawling her way down Buffy’s body, kisses on her collarbones, her sternum, her navel.

Thumbs hook under the cotton at her hipbones, hot breaths on her belly as Faith leans in and propositions, “I’ll make you beg, if you can take it.”

She squirms, hips lifting off the bed until she presses up against Faith. “No, please.”

“Close enough.” Faith looks… unbelievably hot, looking up at her with the sweetest and most devilish grin. She pulls the fabric past her knees, leaving Buffy to kick them off.

She looks like she wants to devour her.

“Maybe I do.” Her voice is low and husky, and Buffy can’t even bring herself to be embarrassed that she spoke out loud.

Lips graze the top of her leg, delicate fingertips tracing the curve of her hips. Fingers pull at the inside of her thigh, replaced by soft lips, sucking bruises into thin skin.

If there’s any doubt left in Buffy’s mind, it disappears then. It feels weird, the idea of a woman’s face between her thighs; but it’s never felt like this. She’s been here, before, with men, but now she can feel how turned on Faith is, and it just fuels her even more. Buffy tugs at her hair, not entirely gently, and the laugh that escapes Faith’s lips vibrates through her body.

“Should’ve figured you like it like that,” she says, shifting her attention to her other thigh.

“You do too.”

“No point in hiding it, huh?”

She’s so slow, and so close; winding her up, so calculated and deliberately. Buffy pulls her hair again, insistent. “Please shut up.”

Faith exhales, and pulls her legs apart, one finger a tentative, ghost touch up the seam where her thigh meets her torso.

“Faith,” she says, strained, hips bucking up as Faith lays a hand on her hip bone, pressing her into the mattress.

She’s not quite sure what else she was going to say to her — it all goes out the window when two gentle fingers slide between her lips and feel how absolutely wet she is.

“I can’t believe I did this to you.”

Half of Buffy wants to pull her closer, and the other half wants to find out how long Faith’s willing to let this go on. “I need…”

“You want me inside you, B?”

Buffy’s voice comes out all breathy and high; “Yeah.”

She teases her, silent, fingers dragging their way back down, a lighter touch than before. Buffy watches the smile on Faith’s face as she tries to press harder into her touch. She circles, lips kissing her thighs again; finally, gently presses two fingertips inside her as she pulls Buffy’s thigh between her teeth.

“Faith—”

“I know, Buffy,” she says, breaths slow and heavy, pulling her hand back the most minuscule distance. “I know you want more, ‘cause I feel it in my body.”

Her fingers dip deeper, so slow, and Buffy asks, “Bite me for real?”

Faith doesn’t say a word, but the next stroke of her fingers is accompanied by a sting between Buffy’s thighs. She bites down hard, and god, it’s not about the pain — because Faith can’t hurt her like that — because it feels so good. Buffy always thought it was the danger, or maybe something inherent about a vampire’s bite that made it so pleasurable; but it feels even better now. Faith doesn’t ask questions; doesn’t tease her, just sinks deeper, but Buffy still needs more.

And Faith has to know that — not just from the connection between them — because Buffy’s pulling her, by long dark locks, away from her thighs. She takes the hint.

She pauses, her hand going still, and Buffy can feel her breath, heavy and warm. Before she can speak again — humiliate herself some more and beg — Faith’s tongue is touching her, sweeping up, just shy of where Buffy actually wants her.

She swears under her breath.

Faith’s lips brush her clit, her fingers hooking inside her. She’s soft, and gentle, and all the things Buffy didn't think she could be. “Fuck— Faith, I’m not gonna break.”

“Wanna take care of you,” she mumbles.

She wants Faith to fuck her, but she just whispers back, “Okay.”

Faith pushes deeper, tongue circling and finding a million new ways to drive Buffy to her breaking point. She teases, and kisses, and Buffy can’t take it, but she also doesn’t want her to stop. She wants to know if Faith was always like this in bed, or if she’s taking things so delicately because of their history. If there’s another side to her, she wants to meet that Faith. She wants to touch her like this, make her squirm and beg until she can’t remember her own name. It was almost inevitable; they’ve always been hurtling toward this moment, and Buffy wonders how different things would be if Faith had been confident enough to kiss her before… before everything. She would’ve stolen kisses in the library; danced even closer on the floor of the Bronze; snuck out with her and pinned her to a tombstone. She would’ve stood up for her more.

Her lips capture Buffy’s clit, and Buffy’s fists tighten in her hair, and they both moan. Buffy can’t even find the words to tease her about it — just files it away in the tiny part of her brain not thinking about Faith’s ministrations. No one’s ever gotten her this close this fast — it’s almost embarrassing.

She comes quietly, only letting out a surprised hum when Faith climbs back up her body and kisses her after licking her fingers clean; it feels dirty.

Faith’s as sultry as ever, oozing confidence Buffy didn’t think was possible. Her eyes are full of fire, energy radiating from her stare, soft, but also looking like she wants to go ten more times. Like she worships her. “God, seeing you like this…”

Buffy’s breathing heavily; “I don’t know if I can handle you.”

“No?” she murmurs, caressing the curve of her bare hip.

She shakes her head.

“Me either,” she admits.

Buffy pulls her closer by her belt loops, unzipping her jeans and tugging at the waist. She wants to feel her close.

She knows this body. How it feels, how it moves. And she knows what to expect from a woman’s body… conceptually, but right now, the idea of one beside her own feels so foreign.

They’re both so different now. And still, the same: Faith is the tiniest bit paler, but so is she; less days and more nights. Older; Buffy’s face less round, sharper, and hers softer, eyes wider. Yet Faith’s face still feels as familiar to her as it was back in high school, and she wants to learn the rest of her.

She wrestles with her jeans, skin-tight, pulling them over her hips, learning her curves as she goes. Faith rolls to the side to finish kicking them off, and Buffy’s surprised at how much she misses her presence. When she’s done, she pulls Buffy on top of her, closer than they were before, skin against skin.

Not fully what she expected, her face flushes bright red, and Faith laughs.

God, she’s so fucking frustrating, Buffy thinks, and shuts her up with a kiss. Her lips taste like sex, like her, and it doesn’t feel wrong anymore. There’s no space between them, and Faith’s skin on hers feels like fire. Faith’s hands are wrapped around her back, digging into her, desperately holding on to her.

And Buffy knows what she feels; how desperate she is to keep her there. “Not going anywhere,” she says, lips still brushing hers.

She really wants to touch her now — enough that it pushes past the fear into the forefront of her mind — even if the specifics are still a little hazy. Shifting some weight off her, she kneels beside her without breaking their kiss. Faith's hands follow her, pulling and grabbing, almost frantic; she wants this so badly.

It would be rude not to give it to her, all things considered.

Her hand trails down Faith’s chest, splaying her fingers across her sternum — feeling the heavy rise and fall of her breath, and the stiffness of her muscles, harder than her own. She kisses her neck, reveling in how smooth her skin is, versus how Faith’s fingernails feel as they scrape her back.

Buffy reaches her hip, palm pressing into the bone, and one of Faith’s hands joins her, urging her thumbs under the last piece of fabric on her body. Why does it feel so daunting? Faith’s seen her naked now; touched every inch of her body, left bruises down her thighs that have already started to fade. It should be easy to do the same, and she wants to.

It’s a fight she never expected, purely in her mind, a subject both familiar and unfamiliar. The last time she felt this nervous about sleeping with someone was after Angel. Despite the impossibility, there was that nagging worry it would happen again. It kind of did.

And she knows Faith won’t leave — won’t treat her like a body to be claimed for a night — because she… she’s always felt this way about her. Always wanted Buffy in her bed, even more so, in her arms. Even if she talked a big game, it was different with her. For everything. Buffy knows that now, with the desperate way she kisses her.

So maybe it’s right that they’re connected… however they are. She still isn’t sure if she 100% believes in the whole soulmates deal. What she does know, though, is it’s not just the Slayer line that ties them together.

Faith’s hands are on her neck, her body arcing up into her touch, and Buffy feels her desire as if it’s her own. It’s not — it’s hers, distinctly different — a flush of heat through her whole body. Somehow, she knows, feels exactly how Faith wants to be touched.

She tentatively tugs at the waistband of her underwear, but Faith doesn’t help. She just pulls Buffy from her neck, and tilts her chin up; makes her look at her as she takes them off, nodding her encouragement.

Buffy stares into big brown eyes, watches her focus drop to her lips before darting back up. She’s never seen her this quiet, always full of some sort of snark or innuendo. It’s sweet, and she realizes… that’s what Faith wants this to be. Even if she won’t say it, she wants it to be romantic; soft and slow, no matter how frantic her hands get. And she can work with that. She can give her that.

Her hand slips between Faith’s thighs, pressed together and looking for even the tiniest bit of friction from her own body. She’s been waiting this whole time — patiently, almost.

Buffy can’t look her in the eyes if she’s going to… well, she’s definitely doing this, so she pulls her back into a kiss; bodies closer together — she’s amazed at how well they fit, all soft curves. She’s all pressed up to Faith’s side, knee wedged between her thighs; and her skin is so warm, and her lips are so soft, her kisses so incessant. Faith’s hands are on her face and her back, and they’ve been inside her, and Buffy… she needs to feel it all, for herself.

She starts tentative; Faith’s hips buck into her hand, and she bites Buffy’s lip. The only thing that keeps her on track is the knowledge of how insanely strung up the girl in her arms is. Her breath hitches, gripping Buffy’s shoulder as her fingertips barely touch her.

With even the lightest touch, she still feels how wet she is. It’s exciting, knowing it’s her that’s turned her on this much. She gets braver, dragging a finger through folds of flesh, carefully, slowly. Faith’s response is to kiss her deeper, to let out the softest moan against her lips.

“B,” she says, breathing heavily, “I can’t take much more.”

Having Faith — anyone — this desperate makes her stomach do flips. Especially when, if she focuses, she can feel it for herself.

“Sorry,” she says, feeling the blush creep up her face. She’s trying to rack up the courage not to just tease her for eternity. She circles, far from where Faith wants her, trying to give her something more.

Faith bites her lip, nodding almost imperceptibly. “Please.”

God, it makes her want to melt, and that’s enough. She presses inside her, and it feels so much better than the times she’s touched herself. She can feel every part of Faith’s reaction — the way her muscles tense, how her fingers dig into Buffy’s arm, and her forehead, damp with sweat, rests on her shoulder. Faith doesn’t want her to slow down. And Buffy, well… she likes touching her like this — likes hearing her sharp breaths at every new touch, and feeling her response — likes this woman she’s with. So she doesn’t. She sinks further, until the heel of her palm is pressing into hot skin, and Faith’s immediate response is to say:

“More.”

She’s not asking, and besides, Buffy isn’t interested in saying no. She gives her another finger, and sets a slow pace. Faith’s labored pants are heavy against her, hot and… well hot, as in massively attractive. Her face lights up in a pleasured smile, and it almost sounds like she laughs as Buffy moves faster. She kisses her neck, intent on leaving a mark for at least the night, and Faith encourages her with the softest yes in her ear.

It might be mean, but in her hesitation, she’s noticed how sexy it is to tease her — the power trip; how much it turns Faith on even more to be wanting with no control. Faith’s silently asking for more, but Buffy stills, curling her fingertips, and waits until she actually asks.

Faith speaks up almost immediately, her voice raspy, “Buffy, don’t stop.”

“Ask nice.”

“Please?”

“Good girl,” she whispers, without a second thought, not even sure where the words came from — but Faith seems to like it, because her whole body reacts, shuddering. It’s like lightning through Buffy.

She pulls Buffy’s lips away from her neck and to her own, hips arching further into her touch. Buffy lifts her thumb to attempt to give her more; all awkward angles and fumbling, and it’s not easy. Faith brings her own hand between them, pushes Buffy away frantically.

Weirdly, she feels almost… jealous, because she wants to be the one that makes her come… but she’s also the one with her fingers inside Faith, so she guesses that counts. Her own mind is getting a little hazy, because the closer she brings Faith to the edge, the more she can feel in her own body; waves of pleasure with no source. So she lets her.

When Faith tips over the edge — god, she was right to wonder — it’s like Buffy’s falling with her, completely separate from her own body. Faith’s pleasure feels like a part of her, but she doesn’t feel it in her body. It’s what she imagines a phantom limb might feel like, but good.

Sweat beads on Faith’s forehead. She taps Buffy’s wrist.

Cool air hits her fingers, and she’s so curious about what Faith tastes like, but her body feels frozen.

“B,” Faith whispers, kissing her softly, inbetween deep breaths, “You’re… god, I…”

Her lips follow along lazily, letting Faith lead. She feels so alive — full of fire, like she was before. There was a time where all Buffy saw in her eyes was emptiness. When she pulls away, she sees trust.

“That was…”

“Fucking incredible?”

She nods.

Faith smirks, leaning up on her elbow, takes a gentle hold on Buffy’s wrist and lifts her hand off her thigh.

“You’re such a priss.”

“Not exactly the expert here.”

She rolls her eyes, and all Buffy can do is watch as she takes her fingers into her mouth.

Like it’s nothing; “You’re missing out.”

Buffy blushes.

“Sorry,” she chuckles, a low rumble that Buffy feels in places she shouldn’t, “Fucking cute when you’re all Saint Buffy.”

She’s never seen Faith this happy. She looks at Buffy with this light in her eyes, and holds on to her so tight. It’s hard to imagine why Faith wants her like this after everything they’ve been through.

“You feel it all too? Everything you did to me?”

“Yeah,” Buffy admits.

Faith’s smile falters, and she brushes a piece of hair out of Buffy’s face. “Felt it when you got hurt too. You die a third time?”

“Technically,” she admits.

Her fingers run across the scar on her chest. “Gotta stop doin’ that.”

“I didn’t…” She didn’t notice — didn’t even look. “You too?”

Faith doesn’t answer, just guides her hand to her chest; a mirror image.

She’s in bed with Faith, in a stranger’s bed, and it should feel weird, wrong — but it just feels comforting. They share scars, and pain; powers, and a destiny.

“Hurt like hell,” she says, and Buffy realizes she’s looking at her for confirmation.

She nods. It did.

“I mean it. You matter, B. No matter what they say or do, they care about you. Don’t make with the recklessness.”

There was a time when Buffy thought she might be okay with, or even want to die. It’s been a while — and she doesn’t want to die.

“Goes for you too.”

Faith nods; an acknowledgment.

Buffy knows she thinks everyone hates her. It’s so much more complicated than that. And the only thing that matters is that Buffy wants her to stay — not just because of the connection they have, but because she cares about her. She likes Faith, she always has, because she’s strong, and bold, and she’s got this wit that Buffy was always jealous of. But she isn’t unafraid. She doesn’t ever want to show it, but that’s the thing — even if she doesn’t know why or how, Buffy always has some sort of sense of how she’s feeling.

And she was just a scared teenager. They both were. Now, here they are, years later and still just as scared. There’s something comforting about that, which Buffy thinks might be just a little fucked up, but it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s the Slayer connection; maybe they’re soulmates. It’s not like she’ll ever be able to tell the difference. The entire world could end in a few days and all she wants is this moment — now, laying in her arms, feeling wanted and understood.

But it can’t last forever. They have responsibilities, and people counting on them — the fate of thousands of girls on the line.

She catches a glimpse of Faith’s chest out of the corner of her eye. “We should… clothes.”

Faith pulls away without a word, sitting up and stretching her arms and shoulders out.

Buffy looks away before her thoughts have a chance to go anywhere else. She leans over the side of the bed; finds her shirt on the floor, and her underwear behind the pillows. Haphazardly, she dresses herself while Faith’s back is turned — she takes the long way around the bed — and pulls her legs up to her chest when she’s done, trying to hide the transparency of her shirt and her lack of bra.

Faith’s hips sway as she wanders over to collect her things from the floor. Buffy’s eyes don’t stray, purely fixated on her figure as she pulls on her underwear. Faith turns around, sees her watching, and smirks, but Buffy doesn’t look away because she’s not ashamed of admiring her. In fact, she’s kind of transfixed by her body. Not that she hasn’t carefully analyzed her own in the mirror — she’s just never looked at a woman like this with such… intrigue. When she looks close, she notices Faith has abs, but they’re soft and rounded into her stomach, contoured but not chiseled.

Faith dresses herself casually, not making a show of it, but deliberately meeting Buffy’s gaze — bra, then shirt, all black fabric. She doesn’t make a snarky comment about Buffy’s blatant ogling.

Instead, she walks back over, and with a hand on Buffy’s knee, gently spins her to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Will you come back with me?” she asks, taking Buffy’s hand, her jeans draped over her other arm — ready to pull her to her feet.

Faith’s looking in her eyes, not at her body, and Buffy knows she’s sincere — but this kind of vulnerability makes her feel more naked.

“I… I don’t know.”

“They put me in charge. Kinda can’t argue with what I decide to do with that,” she chuckles, before her smile disappears. “And I don’t want you alone here. City’s not fucking safe. And we’re safer with you there.”

She purses her lips. They don’t want her there. Her friends don’t want her there. Her sister doesn’t even want her there. But Faith does, beyond all reason.

What’s stopping them from putting someone else in charge if they don’t like her choices? She'd rather have Faith in charge than… Andrew.

But they are her friends. Hell, they’re her family at this point. She can’t just leave them. So maybe tomorrow.

“I’ll think about it,” she offers, hoping it’s enough.

“Yeah,” she nods, dropping her hand. “Sleep on it. ’S all I’m asking.”

“Um, your… socks are over there.” Buffy points to the corner, where one’s managed to land on the lampshade, the other in the middle of the floor.

Faith laughs, “Damn.”

“So… we should probably…”

Talk about… everything.

Something almost tangible’s changed between them now.

It only hits her then: God, I slept with Faith. And I’m kind of okay with that.

“Probably, but… look, if we die by next Tuesday, we never have to talk about it, so… table it ’til then?” Faith jokes, smiling softly.

She can’t be alone now. Not after this.

For whatever reason — fate, or luck, or the meddling of the Powers-That-Be — there’s something connecting them, something deep and strong and tied into their very being. Maybe it’s the Slayer. But maybe it’s not. Maybe it was inevitable they’d fall into bed together eventually, no matter how far down the line.

Buffy shakes her head. “Save the talk for then, but don’t leave me.”

I just need tonight.

Faith nods; lays the rest of her things on the floor, and her bra joins them as she reaches into her shirt to pull it off. She does it without words — without question of what Buffy wants from her — pulls a folded-up blanket from the foot of the bed, climbs across and drapes it over Buffy’s shoulders.

“Hey,” Faith says, sitting cross-legged behind her, leaning her chin on Buffy’s shoulder. “We got this. Chosen Two, right? So let’s just pretend everything’s fine for tonight. Let’s pretend this is normal, and not as fucked up as it is.”

Reaching back, she touches Faith’s knee. “Okay.”

With Faith behind her, she can imagine a younger girl, and her younger self. Eyes closed, she can picture her bedroom and the few times Faith ended up in her bed. Innocent, by all measures. She distinctly remembers one:

Buffy had basically forced them all into a Scooby movie night, with her executive decision to rent 10 Things I Hate About You. Faith made it clear that she hated rom-coms, and thought they were the lowest, most soulless form of entertainment.

After, when Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia were a crying wreck (and she swears she saw a tear or two out of Oz), Faith, unaffected, promised Buffy that one day, she’d show her a ‘real’ movie. Everyone except Buffy and Faith crashed on the couch or floor somewhere during the first 30 minutes of whatever movie they put on next. It was well past two, and even so, Buffy had to convince her to stay (the final selling point being her mom’s mean pancake breakfast). She remembers blushing when Faith slipped under the sheets of her bed in just her underwear and one of Buffy’s t-shirts.

It was the most normal they’d ever been together. Regular teenage girl stuff, for completely normal teenage girls. A week later it all fell apart.

There was at least one more — that time they fell asleep after patching each other up, wounds gone by morning. Maybe there was a third. Buffy can’t remember — but she can imagine it. And if that Faith kissed her shoulder, maybe it could still feel as good and right as it does now. If only she had let herself feel that way.

Faith shifts, and Buffy realizes that she’s laying down.

Made the bed, might as well lie in it.

She turns toward Faith, pulling her legs up onto the bed. Lays down, and drapes the blanket over both of them.

They’re not close, but not far; arms length. Faith takes her hands and pulls her in. “Warm enough?”

There’s no heat in the house. It’s May in California, and somehow, Faith’s radiating warmth. “All good.”

She chuckles. “That was flirting, by the way. You’re always frickin’ cold.”

“Am not!”

“C’mon, who wears a jacket for 60 and sunny?”

“Most of Southern California?”

It’s so good to talk to her like this again. Everything just seems to fall into place. It’s like nothing’s changed since that night they first met, even though they’re entirely different people now. Seeing Faith laugh and smile again, and really mean it… it’s like seeing her for the first time again.

“God, you wouldn’t last a day up north. 60’s when we break out the shorts. If it weren’t for the workplace hazards…”

It’s another reminder of how quick they’ve grown up.

“Ugh, I hate that we’re all practical now — I wouldn’t go slaying in a skirt if you paid me. And I can’t believe I’m saying that. Is this what being a responsible adult is?”

Faith grins, “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think sex in a stranger’s bed while trying to vanquish an ultimate evil is responsible.”

Her hand runs up and down the curve of her waist, and Buffy doesn’t ever want her to stop.

“Point taken,” Buffy says, ignoring the heat in her face.

“Now, last time we were in the same bed together…” Faith starts, tone turning playful, “You made fun of my underwear.”

Only because I was trying to distract you from my tomato-face. Which I’m kinda trying to do now, too.

She darts back— “And I see nothing’s changed; still boring.”

“Black’s not boring, B, it’s sexy.”

“…You’re hotter without them.”

Why did I say that?

“Didn’t know you could talk like that.”

“I… can’t,” she laughs, unable to keep a straight face. So much for the sexy.

“Fun to watch you try, though.”

And she’s kind of mortified, but it’s also kind of hot, listening to how endearing Faith finds it.

“Brings me way back, y’know. You all awkward and adorable, tryin’ to look tough for me. No way you could’ve known I was putting it on too.”

“You are tough.”

“Not the way I wanted to be.”

Buffy closes her eyes, and tells her a secret: “The night I found out I was the Slayer I cried myself to sleep.”

Faith kisses her, cradling her cheek in her hand. It’s slow, and deep, and stops long before Buffy wants it to.

“Sorry,” she says, hand still on her face.

“I… I didn’t know my emotional trauma got you that hot and bothered.”

“Yeah, you know me, I’m super into the girls with baggage.”

Her words are light and comedic, but her voice is gentle; fingers tucking strands of hair behind her ears.

Buffy sighs. “Y’know… it’s good to just talk, like this.”

Faith nods, letting her hands drop back to the space on the sheets between them. “Almost makes me forget about the whole impending doom.”

“You’re a good… distraction.”

She lets her hand reach out, trailing her fingers down Faith's leg. Her skin dots with goosebumps under her touch, and she can feel the fine baby hairs peppering her thigh.

“Yeah…”

Faith trails off, and Buffy pulls away, worrying she’s said or done something wrong. Everything’s felt so… natural, the way they’ve been talking. She sees a familiar fear in Faith’s eyes, and watches as she plays with her sleeves.

“You don’t have to pretend for my sake. I can handle… I’ve been handling it.”

Faith wants to pull away; hide. She wants to do what she’s always done.

She’s frustrating as all hell.

Buffy treads carefully. “Faith… you know that’s not… I do actually…” Like you. However weird it is to feel. She wishes she could actually put the words together at a time like this, when so much seems to hinge on her being able to spit them out.

Faith sighs silently, and her words are barely spoken; “I can’t give you what you want.”

“You don’t know that.”

Buffy can tell she’s uncomfortable, too vulnerable, face to face like this. But she doesn’t say anything. She just pulls Buffy closer, into the crook of her arm, and wraps her arms around her, over and under.

She doesn’t even know what she wants.

Neither of them has done anything like this before. It feels good. Faith’s endlessly soft; smells like sex, leather, and Buffy’s shampoo. The whole house’s been using her stuff, but it feels more natural on Faith. Like catching the faint scent of a lover on her pillowcase.

“I don’t want this to be it,” Buffy admits, already growing comfortable with the idea of waking up next to her.

If they could just stay in this room, in this bed forever… Because when they leave, everything’s going to change. No matter what either of them say. Even if they don’t speak a word until they find out who lives through this.

Buffy won’t hold her hand in front of the others. Faith probably wouldn’t let her, and Buffy couldn’t even let herself. She wants to, now, before she loses the courage, but it feels too good to be wrapped up in her arms.

“I… I can do tonight,” Faith says, squeezing her shoulder. “But ask me again next Tuesday, yeah?”

She’s not sure if Faith realizes how much that means, coming from her. Telling her that yes, she wants more too, and if they can make it through this fight, she might be able to face that. Buffy can’t even imagine what it’s like for her, to have pined over her for so long, expecting nothing in return — maybe even being too afraid to have someone like her back.

Maybe, by then, Buffy will be ready to do something about it, too. Defeating a great and powerful evil… there’s always been this sense of relief — of a fresh start, of newness and relief and excitement. Maybe, instead of… impulsive wardrobe overhauls, she can do this. God, whatever it ends up being. All she knows is, Faith brings out something entirely innate in her — in both of them — and she’s sick of running from it.

But for now, there’s a girl, and her arms wrapped tight around her, and that’s enough.

“Okay.”

[paulgadzikowski]

Blog FAQ. Backdated to 2/22/23 from 2/25/23, mostly to see whether it'd work.

I was @heroofthreefaces for ten years. 2/19/23 that blog was terminated without notice or explanation and, at this writing, with no response to the resultant Support contact form sent. Then I was @d0ct0rwh0 for three days. 2/22/23 that blog was deactivated without notice or explanation. EDIT 3/27/23 heroofthreefaces was reinstated without apology or explanation; I elected to retain paulgadzikowski as my primary.

I'll write a proper FAQ here if this blog lasts long enough that the lack bothers me. Otherwise, I'm scarfman at Pillowfort and at Dreamwidth and heroof3faces at Twitter; and my webcomics are Arthur, King of Time and Space and The Hero of Three Faces.

EDIT 3/9/23 Okay, one thing I should probably mention even before I get around to creating a real FAQ is that I now have a sideblog for separating off all the activism and heavy matters reblogs, called @nosuchthingasaburdenonsociety, so that my main is safe for those who come to Tumblr to forget about life for awhile. Except the new text editor has this funny new quirk so posts end up on the wrong blog sometimes. These posts get tagged wrong blog and usually get reblogged onto the correct one where they are also tagged wrong blog.

FAQ: What do you think of the new text editor? I hate it so, so much

EDIT 3/23/23 Well this blog's survived a month. Time for a FAQ I guess. This entry and every entry on this blog are at all times subject to editing for updates, corrections, and simple clarity.

My name's Paul Gadzikowski and I draw the webcomic The Hero of Three Faces, fanfiction crossovers but it's comic strips with stick figures but they're triangles. For nine-plus years I also drew Arthur, King of Time and Space which functionally was, among other things, King Arthur mashed up with my fanfiction.

Every day that there's an update at Three Faces, the next morning at or about 10:00 (all times US Central) I post a link here to it, which gets pinned to the top of the blog. Every evening at 22:00 I post a link to a "rerun", a cartoon in the archives; the rerun only gets pinned during annual summer hiatus of new updates.

Also I post and reblog fannish things. Doctor Who is my favorite and the Doctor is the primary character in Three Faces, because I've always loved crossovers and there's no better literary and literal device to facilite crossovers than a time machine. The top tier in my pantheon of fandoms consists of all Star Treks, Superman and superheroes (these days more screen than print versions), M*A*S*H, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Star Wars, and Dracula Daily; but anything I watch and read may show up in Three Faces or here, and lots of what my Tumblr mutuals watch and read too.

As noted above I have the side blog @nosuchthingasaburdenonsociety. I can be inconsistent about parsing which posts go on which blog, especially now that the nusternucking new text editor defaults to whichever one where you last posted, instead of defaulting to your main like the old text editor did. And there are some serious topics which never did migrate to the sideblog, like racism in fandom and the coronavirus. Most posts are queued, on both blogs, unless I want to respond to something conversationally, or I'm trying to be the first with the joke, or I feel like it. Barring unusual circumstances I'm posting (firing my queue) 24 hours a day and I probably seem most active the day after I've been most active.

This is a list of my most significant personal tags. As a rule I'll try to use the same ones here as I did there in the same way, though there are a few cases where I took advantage of the opportunity to revise.

I don't have a my art tag like some better-planning bloggers have. There's no one tag that'll show you everything. Fancomics, sketches, cartoon reply, cartoons, and lotrh3f daily ought to catch everything on this blog. At heroofthreefaces you'll want the heroofthreefaces art tag FAQ.

fancomics Three Faces posts, new and archive reruns

fan art Three Faces posts (unless it's AKOTAS instead of one of my fandoms) and others' art that's fan art

other's art Fan art and other art, reblogged, not my art

other's stories Others' writing and fanfiction

my stories My writing and fanfiction

tumblr's stories Tumblr-culture stories, fiction and nonfiction

fanfiction Posts that are, or are about, fanfiction, mine or others'

art Professional or classic art

sketches My drawings just for Tumblr

sketching while scrolling My drawings while scrolling Tumblr (any of these will also be tagged sketches)

cartoon reply When I reblog with a comment but it's in the form of a cartoon

character reply When I reblog with a comment in the form of a cartoon where the character is making a direct comment on the post to my readers (any of these will also be tagged cartoon reply)

chat cartoon reply When I illustrate a chat posted by someone else in a reblog on their post (any of these will also be tagged cartoon reply)

cartoons When I post with a comment in the form of a cartoon reprinted from my old fanfiction site retired when I started Three Faces, or from AKOTAS, or that's just not a sketch or a reply

lotrh3f daily In the vein of Dracula Daily, a mashup of The Lord of the Rings and The Hero of Three Faces tracking Frodo's quest according to the calendar dates in Appendix B. See lotrh3f for commentary.

in my style Redraws of others' art in triangle style. Will also be tagged cartoon reply or one of the other tags listed in the catch-all paragraph above

arthur king of time and space, akotas Cartoons from Arthur, King of Time and Space or using AKOTAS characters, or general discussion of AKOTAS, or (obviously) reprints from AKOTAS

atumblr Discussion of AKOTAS surplus of discussion from the AKOTAS site, or cartoons new here not appearing at AKOTAS or Three Faces

hero of three faces Discussion of Three Faces

behind the scenes May be behind the scenes for my work or for screen franchises I watch

maintenance When I go back and change or fix something in multiple comic strips on the Three Faces site, like changing how I draw a given character's hair for every instance in which they appear

math I have a spreadsheet for tracking the chronological order of the comic strips at Three Faces, the chronology of the screen story cycles which appear there, and many other things about it. And one for AKOTAS

reader response My reblog comments on others' reblog comments on my posts and reblogs

friday night clearing out my drafts What it says on the tin

tags tag For tags I want to remember or keep from duplicating

llol "literally laughed out loud" I only ever tagged things "lol" if I literally laughed out loud before Tumblr so here it's a tag

tags later Something I didn't want to tag because it'd give the joke away, or that I put off deciding what to tag, or that I think I have a tag for that I can't find. Once a week I go back and tag any that are more'n a week old

spoilers I tag spoilers (or doctor who spoilers) (or better omens or best omens for season 2 or season 3 respectively of Good Omens, though that's also what I tag for those seasons generally) for the first week after air/publication/whatever. After the first week I don't trouble to remove the tags, if that matters. I also try to tag teasers (teasers and spoilers are different things, that's why there are different words for them) so if you also don't want to see teasers then you can block that too

tagging the crossover franchise would give the joke away What it says on the tin. Used when a Three Faces is first updated in the link post but generally not when it's later linked as a rerun.

wrong blog Here or on the sideblog this tag goes on a post or reblog that's ended up on the other blog than I meant, due to the conditions noted above in the edit dated 3/9/23. Sometimes when I discover the error I also reblog to the other blog, and sometimes when I do that I delete the original accidental reblog, and sometimes I just add the tag and let it go

I try to tag for others to find my posts but mostly I tag a post so hopefully I'll be able to find it again if I want.

Subject to further editing when I remember other things I wrote for the old blog's FAQ. Owait, now that it's back I can just link to it; check it out.

Thanks for reading.

[reefer-reelz-n-reviews]

John Dies at the End (2012)

Smoking: Splatter

This movie is listed as Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and a comedy. I’ve seen this movie so many times in the past 11 years. Definitely one of those What The Fuck did I just watch? movies. Something to watch when you’re baked, or even if you just like the strange and unusual, as Lydia describes herself.

I made myself a fancy cup of coffee with whip cream and chocolate sauce in preparation for this movie. Wanted something delicious to go with the creepy.

We follow Chase Williamson, Dave, around as he is on a drug called "Soy Sauce" and trying to find out what happened to his friend John, played by Rob Mayes.

One of my favorite things about this movie is that they got Paul Giamatti to play a role. Like what are the odds he’s in this movie. I don’t even think that this movie went into theaters. I found out about it from a guy I was seeing at the time it came out and it is based off of a book he read so I’m not sure if it went straight to… you know what… l’ll just leave this hear. It isn’t important. What is, a girl just burst into several snakes and a door knob turned into a dick!

Now we have this meat man, literal man made out of different meats (whole turkey, ribs, sausage links).

There is the randomest band. They sing “Camel Holocaust” its definitely not s song like I’ve ever heard before. The beat is really good though. We are seeing this band as a background to how they got Soy Sauce.

We Meet Robert Marley, played by Tai Bennett. He does a really good job of playing someone reaaaaaally creepy. He is going about proving Dave that his abilities are real. All I have to say is high or not, a lot of what happens in this movie makes a lot of sense. Makes you think.

Love that the dog in this movie has a punny name. it’s Bark Lee 🤣

Yes, let me put a syringe that has an unknown drug in out pants pocket. Yes yes, that sounds like a smart idea 🙄

Idk what it is about CW. He just cracks me up through this whole movie. When he first gets injected and is talking to the priest. It’s some freaking/funny shit 😂

If you know anything about Doug Jones, it should give you some insight into the level of creep factor he brings to this movie.. I swear in Buffy it’s the creepiest.

Pause! Time to refill 😊

Okay so this next part. The dude’s mustache just comes ripping off of his face and then flies around like a fucking bat!! Like WHAT?!

I’m like not even half way through the movie and at 500 words. What are y’all going to do with me? Lol. I just run off. Wonder if more than my bestie actually reads these.. hmmm. Oh well. I enjoy it so that’s all that matters 😝

RM is proving a point to CW about how he is able to hear him so you just have CW walking around town with a bratwurst on a bun up to his ear.

Get high, start acting like an advanced rain man 😂

Bark Lee saves the day!! He sure can drive 😂

Now I do have to say that the ghost door and using someone who is an amputee to open it was a pretty unique thing. We have Amy, played by Fabianne Therese. She is missing her left hand and she uses it to turn the doorknob.

They enter this other world to destroy their next enemy. Korrok.

Bark Lee saves the day again. What a good boy.

I’ll leave the rest of this for you to watch. It is definitely all it is described to be. If you’re wondering where to watch it, you can buy the DVD like me, or rent it on Prime. At least as of this posting it is on Prime Video.

Toke on 😶‍🌫️

-RRR

[callmebliss]

It is Monday and the Universe has once again devised unique horrors with which to torture me

Can I request links to fanfic to help me Persist?

Fandoms of interest include Buffy, Firefly, Leverage, Grey’s Anatomy, Gravity Falls, The Magnus Archives, and literally anything from SCP

ETA Veronica Mars

Because I need something to help me maintain my Customer Service Mask while my brain is like

[writeouswriter]

Now I’m intrigued, what’s the title of the unreleased book? I want to gaze wistfully too!

Night Vale URL, respect! The book synopsis and cover that I am gazing longingly at isn't even really *that* exciting in itself, it just pertains specifically to my interests and has almost the exact vibes I've been looking for in a book at this moment that it's killing me I can't snatch it up immediately to check it out. For all I know the book when its actually released will be terrible as I'm hyping myself up over the superficial, including comparison reviews to my favourite media, which comparison reviews in the past to it on other books have literally always let me down, but... but... I have learned nothing from my mistakes and this one just calls to me regardless and I MUST know.

The book is In Nightfall by Suzanne Young.

Image ID: Screenshot of the Goodreads page for the book In Nightfall by Suzanne Young. (Link to page)

Anyway, anyone who knows me knows that 1. I will not shut up about the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go watch it, go watch it now, please, please, please, it is my favourite show, it is ingrained into my very being, it makes up half my personality, and while I'll be the first to point out its flaws, it has such a hold on me filled with nostalgia, it is the epitome of tragedy and comedy and no one understands what makes it so good in the first place as all these comparisons usually miss the heart and core of the show, instead slapping on just the superficial surface elements of girl power and bad jokes that fail to emulate its style and calling it a day. So I don't really trust those comparisons in the reviews, yet when I do see something compare itself to Buffy, I can't help but think what if? What if this one does get it? What if this one can fill the void just a little? It's been nearly 8 years since I watched the show personally, and 21 yrs since it ended and still nothing has come close, but the vibes feel so enticing here that I have cautious optimism, especially since my reading a book of Buffy essays recently caused me to want to find something Buffyesque again and I've been scouring for anything to no avail, so the fact this just so happened across my goodreads dash by accident almost made me lose it.

And then 2. While I'm neutral on the Lost Boys, and this synopsis seems to compare more to that movie than to Buffy, it's one of those somewhat silly 80s horror classics with a vibe I have so much respect for and think needs to return to the modern age.

Meanwhile the cover, I don't know I just really love it, it gives off classic kind of graphic novel vibes, and I really like that look, I want to practice drawing more so I can draw a cover like that, man, it's beautiful and absolutely does give off 80s/90s cult classic energy.

[chasingfictions]

Hi sorry i so desperately want to send this from my sideblog babygirlgiles bc I already went insane about your edit in the tags which gives some Hashtag Context, but I just saw your Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong edit and I’m losing my mind over it omg. Like please feel free to interpret this as free reign to like share any and all thoughts about it or how you made choices for it or anything, but I was also curious how you interpreted the line about mistaking these walls for skin? I’ve always read it as kind of constraining (if that makes sense?), walls being something hemming in the “you” being addressed, it just feels almost claustrophobic. But the way you did it complicates that a lot more I think and gives it so much more nuance!! I’m going insane thinking about it and could probably ramble for ages about all the different readings your edit opens up for me (especially bc the pairing of “the room with everyone in it” as the walls, and then the walls being in that final moment of Chosen) but instead I thought I’d ask you if you wanted to ramble about it lol

Sorry if this is deranged :) and if this is a truly “the curtains are just blue bc they’re blue” moment then whoops :)

hi hello i love this ask!!! also both ur urls fuck

ok But basically I think the way I was interpreting that line in my post -- and obviously there are many different ways to interpret it! -- is that for the speaker, they’re viewing their body as a kind of structure, as a hodge podge stitched together of various different elements. like going from “the most beautiful part of your body is wherever your mother’s shadow falls” to “here’s the house with childhood whittled down to a single red trip wire.” Or later the repetition of “the most beautiful part of your body” again directly abuts where the speaker describes a room. and that distance from the physical form exists again at the top of the poem, with the bit about how the spine won’t remember its wings. and that being linked to the father’s role in the speaker’s bodily makeup sort of by the transitive property makes it also about the house, because the speaker’s mother is linked to the house.

which I think is really true of buffy as a show— the idea of the self being made up of many different pieces. like I think you can read the whole show as a map of Buffy’s psyche — which is an idea I’m sure I got from somewhere else but I can’t quite remember where. most likely from @impalementation’s meta though . like in restless, with the core scoobies literally being represented as Buffy’s mind, heart, and spirit, which then becomes a metaphorical framework you can apply to the rest of the show. or how buffy keeps acquiring shadow selves in other characters — notably cordelia, faith, and spike. or how someone like dawn is literally stated by the narrative to be a part of buffy. “normal again” plays with this too — the idea that the scoobies and sunnydale can be read as a metaphorical map of Buffy’s psyche . they’re her insides. Which isn’t to say I take normal again to literally mean that buffy is imagining the whole show. rather that it’s just another sheet of vellum you can lay on top of the rest to deepen the reading

so the “here’s the room with everyone in it,” is like, buffy is the room with everyone in it. The show and the person. all those people in that room, in that shot from family, they’re pieces of her. tara and anya have less clear roles, but I do think that by being the partners of her spirit and heart, they become a part of that framework. and even, again, the episode, the line "we're family," ties us back into the mother and father of it all for this poem, right? and it’s not just that buffy has a fragmented self for no reason!!! i think it can be directly read in conjunction with her queerness, right? Like, being the slayer is so queercoded all over the place . BUT, in the context of this poem, I think the queerness at play here is largely in conjunction with parental reactions to queerness. Buffy comes out to her mom and her mom kicks her out of the house. Buffy is taken to a world where her friends are literally figments of her imagination, and in that world her mother and father still love her and are still alive. Buffy’s mom institutionalized her when she first heard buffy talk about being a slayer—and that’s a huge part of queer history and queer tragedy, is that same thing happening to our community when we’re found out. it’s also this post from @slayer-pride-parade — diversity win! Buffy’s metaphorical heart mind and spirit are all attracted to women! — and it’s also the fact that her shadow selves all can be read to represent that repressed attraction. which I’m not gonna go in depth here about bc my entire blog is about how her shadow selves are a representation of her queerness lmao. that’s basically my whole btvs meta tag.

SO, long story short, I feel like the “mistake these walls for skin” is about like, buffy being able to accept that she isn’t just a bunch of pieces stitched together all wrong, she isn’t just a self who needs to be fragmented apart into separate pieces because the whole of her is too dangerous, too queer, wants too much. and this happening at the final moment in chosen when a) she's just changed forever the status of what it is to be a slayer, both for herself and for future slayers. she's taken the loneliness out of it and replaced it with queer community. and b) she's just had this reconciliation moment with the latest in a long line of her shadow selves -- one of her last acts on the show is to tell spike, her shadow, i love you, and that shadow's last act is save the world. (which kind of takes us back to the joyce of it all. spike being there at that first coming out, spike being embroiled in motifs of home). but that's why i chose that moment to end on -- buffy is obviously a show about a thousand things but one of those is the journey to self acceptance, self understanding, self love, at the risk of sounding buzzwordy. which is why i love that the show goes past 5x22, which is why the show couldn't go past chosen. because this was the central narrative question we've been circling around from the beginning: how do we get buffy to a place where her body isn't just the terrifying haunted house she lives inside of, but where it’s her. and it is. it finally is.

[moistvonlipwig]

C/A Week Day 1: Favorite Scene

**It’s hard for me to choose favorite Cangel scenes since there are so many amazing ones, so for this Cangel Appreciation Week I’m spotlighting scenes that I think don’t get enough love.**

ANGEL: I was just thinking about how much this place is like where I grew up. CORDELIA: Right. Yeah. I could see that, except for the cars, and the buildings and the, you know, everything else. ANGEL: It’s not so different. People moving through their lives. I wonder if anything ever really changes. CORDELIA: Sure it does. They do. You have. ... People really do change. ANGEL: Yes they do. And sometimes they change back. If the day ever comes that I... CORDELIA: Oh, I’ll kill you dead! ANGEL: Thanks. CORDELIA: What are friends for?

This is one of my favorite scenes in the Buffyverse: just Angel, Cordelia, and the Los Angeles cityscape before them.

Los Angeles itself is a character of sorts in Angel, representing a variety of things depending on the episode. Importantly, L.A. is linked to both Angel and Cordelia. Los Angeles is literally the "city of Angel(s)", a place full of potential for both evil and good, rife with corruption and yet also a sanctuary for the lost and broken. But L.A. is also Hollywood, glamor, extravagance, a place Cordelia aspires to move to in the very first episode of Buffy. Angel and Cordelia both ending up in L.A. together is the instigating factor in the development of Angel Investigations and thus the entire show. And what do they do in L.A. together? They change.

Los Angeles represents change in this scene, or at least the potential for it. Angel, cynical as always, wonders if modern-day L.A. is really all that different from 18th-century Galway. But as Cordelia points out, not only is the technology vastly different, but most importantly the people themselves can change. And indeed, L.A. will become a site of change for both Angel and Cordelia as the years go by, change they could not have achieved if they had stayed in Sunnydale.

For Angel, of course, change is not always good. He's already lost his soul once after being cursed with it. Notably, Cordelia alone of the Angel Investigations crew was actually present for Angel's Sunnydale rampage, and indeed was directly threatened by him in "Killed by Death". When Angel speaks of the possibility that he will lose his soul again, it is not a hypothetical situation to Cordelia. It is a very real possibility. She believes he's changed for the better, and wants him to believe it too, but she is not naïve; she understands that he has evil inside him still, and that one day it might overcome the good.

Her promise to kill him, then, is sincere, even if delivered flippantly. And it's a promise Angel needed to hear. He walks around every day believing he is a threat to everyone else, fearing what might happen if he ever allows himself to feel too much joy. To know that there is someone who loves him enough to stop him in his tracks from doing harm if he ever did lose his soul again is something he's never had before, and it's a very precious knowledge indeed. Cordelia shrugs it off: what are friends for? But Angel hasn't known much friendship in his life, and it's doubtful he knows the answer to that rhetorical question. But his smile at the end of this scene suggests maybe he's starting to learn. His friendship with Cordelia is growing and changing -- just like Los Angeles itself.

[measuringbliss]

Thanks @dance2xrevolution <3

I always love to see you around.

favorite time of year: Halloween actually! It's fun to see the decoration and stuff, watch tons of horror movies, dress up, etc. I also love summer nights (when not trying to sleep), and when it's very sunny but there's also wind so the sky is beautiful but the wind helps tame the heat.

comfort food: fajitas, fried chicken, risotto, curry, soup... if I love it, it's comforting!

favorite dessert: concorde chocolate cake, île flottante, chocolate mousse

things you collect: at one point I was collecting the Umineko manga collection because I was in my Umineko era, but there were 21 omnibusses at 25-30 euros the omnibus if you were lucky. eventually decided it was much more handy (and cheaper) to have them digitally instead.

See the issue?

If you're curious, my physical collection comprises of the first two Episodes, Legend of the Golden Witch and Turn of the Golden Witch. Then digitally (through Kobo), I've got the third Episode (Banquet, vol. 5&6), Vol. 10 (first vol. of Episode 5, End), the sixth Episode (Dawn, vol. 13-15) and the eight and final Episode (Twilight, vol. 19-21). My reasoning was that I wanted to go chronological, but I was already not fond of Banquet (though with distance I can appreciate its chaotic approach), then I think Alliance mostly sucks. End is great but I never re-read it, Dawn is great too, Requiem (Episode 7) was perfect when I read it in VN but I never felt the need to read the manga, and Twilight is a good Episode and most importantly, the manga version actually adds stuff for the better!

So I've got 13/21 volumes.

I also collected a few Spider-Man comic books. I'm not a big collector in general but I *would* have an entire room dedicated to Virtue's Last Reward if I could and wanted to.

Hi baby

favorite drinks: Cherry Coke, Milk + Strawberry Syrup

favorite musician/band: CAPSULE (Japanese electro) is regularly something I come back to, but nowadays I'm much less fixated on specific bands. I had a Jamiroquai phase but I was so into it that nowadays I pretty much can't stand it.

Now if we're talking *composers*, I'd say Masafumi Takada and Shinji Hosoe are mainstays.

last song listened to: Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes

last movie watched: A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge! Very gay, enjoyed it much more than the first one.

last series watched: I recently finished She-Hulk, absolutely loved it. I'm also rewatching Glee.

Also this wasn't asked but video games are an important component of my life so I very recently finished Metroid Dread and loved its challenge. Also going through Picross S, it's great but literally lead me to stay up all night hahaha

currently watching: DS9 (less than a season per year lmao), Merli: Sapere Aude (love triangles, bisexual protagonist, philosophy...), Spider-Man 1994 (almost finished with S1 and very impressed), Brideshead Revisited (I think I stalled it).

current obsession: Glee, in a way. Bears. Buffy still? Kind of. I mean I just bought a magazine about it.

dream place to visit: Nothing! I'm pretty content with where I went. I think I realized that no place will ever be as charming as you could dream of. I'm very happy with where I am right now, where I was last year, and I don't feel the place to go anywhere specific.

places you wanna go back to: Austria, where I was last year. I miss my city very dearly. I also enjoy the south of France in small doses. I'd like to go back to Saint Emilion because it's very charming.

something you want: nothing again! I feel pretty content in an achievable category of things. I don't think I let myself want anything I can't have.

but also I really want Adderall (or Ritalin, whatever).

project working on: Another fantranslation (ugh), the Glee Rewatch project (link on my pinned masterpost!), maybe a fanfic, maybe video essays... mostly I just finished an exhausting week so I'm. sleeping. or trying to.

I'm tagging anyone who sees this post and wants to participate!

[linkspooky]

This is kinda random, but what is your top 10 favorite otps?

Sure.

#1 of All Time SPUFFY

Spuffy, it wrote the book on both beauty and the beast archetypes, and enemies to lovers. For me the most important thing in a ship is the character development it brings about. Spike's redemption doesn't work without Buffy, because it's meeting the one person who expects better than him and won't put up with his selfish crap, that forces his character arc. Buffy's development is also nothing without Spike, it's meeting Spike that makes Buffy confront her dark side, and realize that being a good person isn't something you are, but something you work towards for the sake of your loved ones. The ideal ship should inspire this permanent character development and chane (Unless it ends tragically), they should be an inseperable part of each other's character arcs.

#2 Kumagawa / Ajimu

This is what I was talking about when I said "unless it ends tragically". Sometimes you ship two people who should never end up together, because they probably won't accept their differences. However, even in a failed relationship, two people can be important to each other. There's not really a hapyp ending for Ajimu and Kumagawa, despite their similiarities when they're together they just seem to make each other worse. In Medaka Box they are the anti-Zenkichi and Medaka. However, for Ajimu Kumagawa represents her only human connection, and for Kumagawa Ajimu represents the first person to be "good" to him even though their relationship soured at one point. Therefore I find the ship interesting because despite the fact that they are permanently separated they are still an incredibly important part of each other's identities and who they are now.

# 3 Matsuda / Junko

Basically for the same reason as what I said above. There is no universe where Junko and Matsuda end up in a happy relationship, as long as Junko is still Junko. However, Matsuda and DanganRonpa Zero as a whole add so much to Junko as a character. As long as Matsuda exists, Junko's more than just a black hole that only cares about despair, and I think together the side materials like IF and Zero show that Junko actually is capable of caring for people outside of her natural tendency to want to throw everything into despair, however, humanizing Junko in this manner doesn't actually make her a better person. She can have feelings like romantic, and familial love, and she still chooses to destroy those things and the people in her life. It just adds so much to Junko as a character, which is what I like ships as, an extension of characterization through character interaction.

#5 UIHAI

I love Ui and Hairu because it's like a broken fairy tale. It was a love that could have saved Hairu, but it didn't, because for Ui he always realized his feelings too late to save anyone. Hairu was obsessively chasing after Arima for the smallest amount of approval, when Ui was right there, and already in love with her. They seem like the perfect couple that could never get together, because Hairu is too fixated on Arima, and Ui is too fixated on his job. They are perfectly suited to giving each other what they wanted, and even in lots of side materials and sketches they seem like a pair, or Ui's feelings for Hairu come across as pretty clear but it never came to be in canon.

#6 ZACK / AERITH

Once again for the same reasons as above, it seems like a fairy tale romance of a knight, and a girl he wants to protect, but it fails completely to live up to that story. Zack and Aerith is a tragic story of first love for both of them, and it's also really formative for who Aerith is now as a character. Zack tried to be there for her, and he tried to be a hero to Aerith, only to very consistently not be there for her, and then disappear from her life all together. Much later on, Aerith is incredibly isilated, unable to fall in love with the real cloud without projecting Zack onto him. It's a relationship where in a better world they could have been there for each other, but also the failure of the relationship develops them as much as characters as them getting together might have. Zack and Aerith are one of those relationships that seems ideal on the surface but they are very different people with different wants, Zack wants to be a hero, Aerith just wants to be a person first.

#7 LINK / MIDNA

The best zelda ship period. Once again the most important part of a ship interaction is the change that both characters inspire in each other. Midna begins not caring about Link at all, never referring to him by name, only seeing him as an object, an old legend, a hero to be used instead of a person. Midna's a manipulative freak, and Link breaks through to her because he actually isn't interested in being the hero of legend, he just wants to save the people closest to him at the village because he feels indebted to them, and Midna inevitably becomes one of those people. Link and Midna's partneship makes the game, because it's Midna who pushes him and makes him into a hero, but it's Link through his unfledging acceptance of her who inspires her to be a person once more, and not just the twilight priness.

#8 Morrigan / Warden from DRAGON AGE ORIGINS

This and Spuffy are like the only two on this list who actually end up together, so let me just have this. Once again my favorite aspect of a ship is the transformation the relationship brings baout in a character. The warden is a non-character, but for Morrigan herself, her relationship with the warden is what allows her to escape an abusive household, and beyond that decide not to repeat the cycle of abuse with her new family. What made this ship an all time fave was in witch hunt when the Warden gets to ask her what she wants, and she's just completely confused. Even with her mother dead, Morrigan is still a tool of her mother's ambitions, it's still all about her mother wants. It's her love with the warden, either through friendship or romance that awakens Morrigan to the fact she's allowed to exist as a person with wants and needs outside of what her mother wants her to be.

#9 Kaine / Nier

It's the Most Humanizing Ship Ever Between Two Mass Murderers. As a story, I think Nier is about finding the life, and love, in a story that is ultimately, fatally doomed. Nier only worse and worse as the game goes on but that doesn't mean there was never any love in his life. For every bad thing Nier does, he was not bad to every single person, specifically Kaine, it was Nier's love and belief in her that allows the wounds in her heart to start to heal. As Nier and Nier gets worse, Kaine's own shadow self says, that her feelings in her heart are no longer hatred, or even revenge, there's just a pure white light of love left. In a game where everything only rots, Kaine has healed to the point where she can love again when she never thought it was possible. It's why I like ending D the best, because it's Nier knowing he can never escape his own sins, but he can use his last action to heal Kaine fully all the way and allow her to live on a few more years.

#10 SATOSUGU

Once again, there's no universe where they end up together, and yet still on opposite sides of a conflict they remain each other's closest friends. The most important thing about a ship is the character development it leads to and Gojo would not be who he is today without Suguru. I generally get the sense that Gojo's idea of a good person isn't himself, but rather who Geto used to be before he broke. Gojo actually relied on on Geto for a lot more than he realized, considering it was the one connection he had that seemed to humanize him. Geto provided the chosen one who can do literally anything in the world with his powers, support and guidance. He was the jade, and the foundation of their two person friendship, and then the jade broke.

Gojo and Geto's broken relationship is not only the most emotional thing in the series to me, it's also an incredible part of who they are ten years after the fact. Gojo straight up didn't bother to make friends for ten years later after the fact even though he could have, Geto still told his daughters that Gojo and him were best friends, they just had a fight. He couldn't comperehend in Volume Zero that Gojo would still regard him as a friend after everything that they had done.

It's like one of those "Can't live with them, can't live without them" pairs. They want to be each other's one and only but it just won't work because they don't understand each other, and neither of them is willing to compromise. They are also each other's perfect yin / yang complement. Gojo is the opposite of Geto, and still carries a part of Geto within him, and Geto even after becoming the enemy of the sorcery world while Gojo is the savior, still carries that friendship with Gojo inside of him as well. While their relationship is a failed one, it's also a past I hope that the next generation Megumi and Itadori both learn from, even if Geto never truly comes back.

[msevelynsilver]

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ALL FOUR SEASONS OF BLACK SAILS AND ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF BUFFY + SEASON 1 OF ANGEL

I wonder what the level of overlap between these two fandoms is. I think it’s probably low and definitely should be higher.

One thing I can’t get out of my mind is the comparison between Buffy and Faith and Flint and Silver. There’s an especially good Buffy and Faith fan video that really inspired me to think about this, so I’ll leave the link below.

Amazing Buffy + Faith video: https://youtu.be/GpIHwrPhJyQ

But essentially both of these relationships have a friends-with-homoerotic-subtext-to-enemies-with-homoerotic-subtext story arc. And both play with the idea of morality, responsibility for others, the burden of power, and being/becoming the same person.

In Season 7 of Buffy, she becomes the leader of a group of young slayers and shoulders the responsibility of looking after that. But she is seen by the Potentials as cold and standoffish and as not having their best interests at heart. (Sound like anyone we know?). Faith then tries to take control of the girls and finds that it’s hard being first in command instead of second because you have to make the hard decisions and the people under you will resent you no matter what you choose.

Buffy says to Faith: “Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours.”

(I’m not bothering to look up episodes right now, but I have a near encyclopaedic knowledge of Buffy and I think this is 7.19 “Empty Places”.)

Does this not sound like something Flint would say to Silver? Silver, who as quartermaster was the better liked of the two but who had to shoulder more responsibility due to Billy’s creation of Long John Silver as a pirate king and who found that he didn’t like the role he was forced to play? Silver was responsible for the lives of all the men on the Walrus crew and while he liked the power it gave him, it also terrified him to have to account for and rely on people other than himself.

Here is more dialogue from Buffy. (Technically I think this is Angel 1.19 “Sanctuary”):

Buffy: “You told me I was just like you.”

Faith: “And you can’t stand that. You’re all about control. You have no idea what it’s like on the other side. When nothing’s in control, nothing makes sense. There’s just pain, and hate, and nothing you do means anything. You can’t even-“

Buffy: “Shut up!”

Re-read that but swap Buffy’s name for Flint’s and Faith’s for Silver’s. It’s not a perfect analogy. Buffy was created to be an expendable hero and Flint is seen as a pirate menace to society, so they face completely different issues regarding their role in the narrative. Faith and Silver do better. Both have relatively unspecified tragic backstories that turned them into cynical, self-serving people who are mistrustful of authority figures (Faith’s is never specified at least in-show, and I’m not taking comic book canon into account here because I’m not caught up). In particular, I think Faith’s line about “nothing you do means anything” is something Silver would agree with. I think if he had believed that Flint’s war could succeed and that they wouldn’t all end up dead, he would have followed Flint to the ends of the earth. But he thought that none of it would mean anything and that they didn’t have the power to effect that kind of change. It also might explain why he views his own past as story-less. Nothing you do means anything. I think he, like Faith, has experienced a complete loss of control over his circumstances and himself, and thus his story at some point in the past. It is their defined roles (quartermaster and slayer) which begin to give their life some shape and meaning, only to have it fall apart because of the burdens/limits of the role they are forced to take.

But my absolute favorite comparison comes from something Faith says to Buffy in season 3. (3.17 Enemies):

Faith: “What are you gonna do, B? Kill me? You become me. You’re not ready for that. Yet.”

Oh, the parallels. For context, if you haven’t seen the show, (and you should, it’s really good), Faith says this while she and Buffy are holding knives to each other’s throats. She then kisses Buffy on the forehead (like Judas did to Jesus) and runs away. The drama! The betrayal! The romantic subtext! The vague implications that Faith is a future version of Buffy who has lost her idealism and illusions about the world and that Buffy will one day sink to the same level of (perceived) villainy!

In this case I would flip it and say Faith is playing the role of Flint while Buffy is playing the role of Silver. Because in the end of Black Sails, isn’t this what happens? Silver kills Flint (literally/metaphorically depending on your interpretation), and in doing so assumes the role Flint had played. This is a man who has lost the two people who he loved most in the world to their dangerous idealism and who now shoulders the weight of being THE pirate in Nassau who society will brand as a monster. In killing Flint and releasing him from the torment of the ten years without Thomas (like a man waking from a long and terrible nightmare), Silver becomes Flint. He had already made so much of Flint’s mind his own and he kind of sacrifices himself so that Flint can live out his happy ending, knowing all the while that he won’t get his own (I know this is a generous reading of Silver, but I love him so I’m biased).

Faith and Buffy don’t get a story that is so neatly tied up because they’re not the two main characters. But Buffy develops a lot of Faith’s ideas about the inherent power of being a slayer (“There’s only me. I am the law”) and makes a lot of morally grey decisions that she probably would have condemned Faith for in her youth. (“Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?).

I need someone who’s talented at video editing to combine these two relationships because I’ve barely touched all the potential parallels (and the visual ones are so good as well!).

I feel like there’s also something to be said for “freedom in the dark” parallels in the two shows, especially with Spike and Buffy in season 6 but I haven’t thought it through and I would need to give a lot more thought to the implications of comparing society’s vilification of queer people and Buffy and Spike’s toxic straight relationship, which is nonetheless taboo for being a Slayer/vampire one.

[impalementation]

I’m doing a rewatch since btvs just got added to prime video and am just beginning s2. Watching When She Was Bad is super interesting knowing the events post-The Gift. Do you have any thoughts on how Buffy acts in relation to her trauma from being killed? I think her actions (as well as the other Scoobies responses to those actions) in s6 are completely foreshadowed in that particular episode of s2.

Man I love When She Was Bad, I’m always hyped to talk about it. I had a great exchange with @visitingthefuneralhome about it, that talks a bit about her handling of her trauma that you might be interested in. Putting the rest under a cut for length.

I agree that lot of season six is foreshadowed in that episode. Not necessarily intentionally, but definitely in the sense of establishing patterns of behavior that season six continues. I’d rope Anne and Dead Man’s Party into this too, since those are also episodes in which Buffy and the Scoobies are responding to an end-of-season trauma.

Two big things stand out to me about these three episodes. First is the fact that Buffy consistently responds to trauma by isolating herself, and has difficulty talking about her problems with her friends. In When She Was Bad she isolates herself by acting out, and not talking about how her death affected her. In this other post I made about the episode, I talk about how the episode uses imagery around gaze to show how Buffy is hiding herself from her friends. Similarly in Anne she isolates herself by literally running away, and in Dead Man’s Party she once again struggles to talk about what she’s really dealing with. Similarly to how Buffy will isolate herself in season six by not talking about heaven and spending all of her time with Spike.

The Scoobies, for their part, desperately want Buffy to be okay, and act confused that she isn’t. In When She Was Bad they wonder why Buffy’s acting like such a “bitca”, in Dead Man’s Party they’re hurt that she abandoned them and have that whole party confrontation scene, and in After Life and Flooded (and other parts of season six), they crowd around her and fret about the ways she isn’t acting like herself. In all of these cases, a lot of that Scooby response is based on not really understanding what Buffy is going through--partly because Buffy doesn’t communicate it, and partly because they didn’t experience it themselves. In When She Was Bad they don’t understand that she was traumatized by her death until the scene where she destroys the Master’s bones, in season three they don’t understand the degree to which she was traumatized by killing Angel until the end of Faith, Hope & Trick when she admits that Angel had his soul, and in season six they don’t understand that she is dealing with having been pulled from heaven until the end of Once More, With Feeling.

I mention in that post I linked on gaze in When She Was Bad that there’s an interesting similarity between the bone-smashing scene and the heaven-revelation scene in that they both have long lingering reaction shots on the faces of the Scoobies. In both scenes, Buffy is center-stage and all of them are looking at her, finally seeing her. That imagery of “everyone looking at Buffy” shows up in other places, too. I made a connection between Dead Man’s Party and Bargaining, Part 2 once, because both have shots of all of the Scoobies gazing at a returned Buffy. And I also once pointed out how that’s a repeated visual motif in early season six: Buffy standing opposite a crew of uncomprehending Scoobies. (Hope the references to past posts aren’t annoying, I get excited when I can finally link a bunch of disconnected observations together). Point is, the show makes a strong connection between trauma and isolation for Buffy, both because of Buffy’s own actions and because of how that trauma can set her apart from her friends. As Buffy will make explicit in Conversations With Dead People, her trauma is all tied up in her hero-ness and slayer-ness and leader-ness, all of which already set her apart.

BUFFY: I feel like I'm worse than anyone. Honestly, I'm beneath them. My friends, my boyfriends. I feel like I'm not worthy of their love. 'Cause even though they love me, it doesn't mean anything 'cause their opinions don't matter. They don't know. They haven't been through what I've been through. They're not the slayer. I am.

These next few paragraphs are a bit self-indulgent, BUT: to loop back to that first post I linked, the show also makes a consistent connection between trauma and agency for Buffy. The ur-source of Buffy’s problems is being the only Slayer, something she didn’t choose (instead, she is the “Chosen One”). In Prophecy Girl, this lack of choice is emphasized by the fact that Buffy feels beholden to a prophecy, to fate. Ie, something she has no choice about. And despite the fact that she survives her death, that death is still very much a symbol of her lack of agency, especially because she didn’t even choose to be brought back to life either. Similarly in season six, she is brought back to life by her friends. There was no choice there. The season six resurrection feels especially like a betrayal of Buffy’s agency because her sacrifice in The Gift was framed mostly positively in a way her sacrifice in Prophecy Girl wasn’t. In Prophecy Girl she didn’t want to die (“I don’t wanna die”), and there’s no indication that anyone besides her can fulfill the prophecy in that episode. Whereas in The Gift she willingly chooses to sacrifice herself instead of Dawn, and is shown to be at peace with that decision. (I’d actually even say that Buffy’s depression in season six isn’t about having died, the way it was in When She Was Bad--it’s about having to be alive, and carry on with all the difficult things associated with that.)

With this in mind, I tend to see a lot of Buffy’s traumatic responses as being about her trying to assert agency in whatever way she can, even if it isn’t necessarily healthy or nice. So her taunting Xander in When She Was Bad is about her exerting control over him and Angel, feeling like she has power. I think you could also see her self-isolation as being about agency, in that if she pushes her friends away she’s chosen for them to not understand. Instead having to deal with the ways that they wouldn’t understand her regardless. (That’s a bit more headcanon-y on my part though).

In this light, Buffy in season six actually has a really interestingly complicated relationship to agency. On the one hand, she struggles with having been brought back to life, and having to deal with all of these obligations that she didn’t choose. But unlike in the earlier seasons, when she chafes against duty, and asserts her right to a “normal life”, Buffy in season six kind of doesn’t want agency. So for example with Spike, on the one hand, she’s the one who instigates the house-sex in Smashed (agency), but she only does so after Spike tells her that she came back wrong, which allows her to not be responsible for that choice (not-agency). Note how in Dead Things Buffy breaks down after Tara tells her that there’s nothing wrong with her, in part because it means that all of her choices were her own all along. There’s interesting ambiguity about whether Buffy is trying to get control of something (“I just wanna feel”) with Spike, or lose control. Similar to how there’s interesting ambiguity about whether Willow wants to get or lose control via magic. 

So part of my read of season six is that Buffy getting “healthy” again involves her wanting and accepting agency again. Getting back to that “I don’t wanna die” from Prophecy Girl. I like this read because of how it expands on Buffy’s earlier trauma responses, while also being distinct from them. In season six, Buffy partly responds like she’s always responded to bad things happening to her--isolating herself, being “bad”, etc--but the added layer of her abdicating agency shows how apart she really feels from herself, and how unengaged in life she really is. It’s what distinguishes Buffy being traumatized in season two from her being depressed in season six. If something bad happens once, you rebel against it. But if bad things keep happening, you rebel by just giving up. And in order for Buffy to move forward, she has to find a way to feel that not-giving-up is worth it. 

[buffyversefanfiction]

Slayer of Slayers

Warnings:I do not own, nor do I claim to own any of the copyright or characters within the Buffyverse which includes but not limited to the television shows Buffy and Angel, as well as the Darkhorse comics series’ continuation.

15+ Strong to moderate violence, Graphic to mild descriptions of gore, and torture, sexually charged scenes, sexual innuendos, mild to strong language, and practices of witchcraft.

M/M, F/F, M/F, GEN, OTHER +

PART NINE LINK HERE

Part Ten: Prophecy's Boy

Theo Frey’s affiliation with the first slayer was a strange one, his entire life mission was to become a slayer to eradicate all slayers, especially his birth mother Buffy Summers, and yet during a prehistoric time when everything and everyone was stripped away from him he had reluctantly formed some form of friendship with the primeval Sineya, bonding through their chaotic creation and so he joined her on some of her adventures in slaying until he was brought back to the present time, back to his current grievances, and surrounded by those ready for him to take his revenge. Theo never realized how deeply Sineya impacted her life until he saw her spirit on vampire island, her serving as a reminder to him of a simpler time where he lived his life without vengeance and how that led him to do good alongside the first slayer until he returned to evil crutches of vampire Drusilla and as the vampire/slayer hybrid stood right next to the unopened Hellmouth in the caves of vampire island, being surrounded by an undead army, he couldn’t help but think of the time he spent with Sineya. “They only call you a king because they do not truly know what you really are neither do you yet,” Sineya said to him through her telepathic ways, her words piercing his mind as she appeared as a spirit only, he could see, standing next to him. “Slayer of slayers is just another name, Theo, nothing but a name but none are what you really are…this is now what you truly are.” Theo looked around at his undead army to see if anyone else could see the first slayer knowing deep down that she was only appearing to him, appealing to a good side of him he thought he could bury forever, as she urged him to not bring about the end of the world, to change his ways, and accept his true destiny. “They need to pay they need to all pay!” Theo shouted, grabbing the attention of his fellow vampires who instantly cheered him on, believing that his words were words of war before he would proceed to open the Hellmouth. “They have paid the price already, as have you, and even her…there’s nothing left to pay except your destiny, and this is not it!” The primeval one replied to him telepathically with her cryptic words being said in his mind. “Your blood and your blood alone will open the mouth of hell, but you are so much more than your blood, a prophecy has been calling you long before your birth it is up to you if you want to continue ignoring it for a mission of vengeance or if you want to become what you were truly created to be.” Suddenly, Sineya’s spirit disappeared once again as Buffy, Faith, Angel, Spike, Illyria, Xander, Ruby, and Giles ran into the caves to meet Theo and his army, all equipped with weapons and ready to go to war if needed to stop Theo from opening the Hellmouth, as the slayer of slayer realized that one way or another, he was not making it out of Vampire Island alive…

Theo and his dedicated team of vampires fought against Buffy, Faith, Angel, Spike, Illyria, Xander, Ruby, and Giles viciously as Theo himself went head to head with the blue-haired goddess Illyria, the one who killed his undead lover Tobias, throwing a series of punches and kicks at the old one, making little to no impact, before Illyria proceeded to fight back against the slayer of slayers gaining the upper hand with ease as she showed her superior strength while beating Theo into submission as he fell to the ground, ready to be killed by the same woman who had killed the love of his life, but Angel quickly left his ongoing fight to rush over to his son’s side, eager to save him from being killed by Illyria. “He is my son Illyria, please do not kill my son.” Angel pleaded with his friend, who reluctantly began to walk away from both Angel and Theo before taking to fight in the ongoing war surrounding them. “I may have your DNA or whatever but you’re not my father, you never raised me as my dad did, you weren’t there like he was, and you will never take his place.” Theo snapped at his undead father as he slowly got back to his feet, bruised, and bloodied from injuries he had sustained in his fight against the blue-haired goddess. “You look pretty beaten up; she really did a number on you huh?” Angel replied, choosing to ignore his son’s cruel words. “I know you a slaypire or whatever now but somehow you managed to keep your soul, I’ve never heard of a vampire doing that before I mean I have a soul, but I’m cursed…literally. Yet again you are also the first male slayer, which is another mystery.” “We’ve come too far to stop now my army will not stop until my blood opens that Hellmouth over there…unless there is no blood to be spilled,” Theo responded, as he began to realize that he still had the chance to do the right thing, something which was only validated when the spirit of the primeval slayer appeared to him once again, this time standing next to Angel, who was oblivious of her presence. This time Sineya did not have to communicate telepathically with the slayer of slayers because the look on her face told Theo everything he had to know, her look told him that he had forced a destiny on himself that was never truly meant to be and now all he was left to do was decide whether he let that same destiny lead to him destroying the world or if he was able to do the right thing for the first time, as he suddenly began to finally feel his own humanity beginning to creep back in, as he felt all the pain and suffering he caused to his many victims, through his many evil deeds, as he concluded there was the only way to make up any kind of penance for the monster he had become. “You are right,” Theo admitted to the spirit of Sineya, confusing an unknowing Angel in the process. “There’s only one way my blood cannot be spilled and that is if there is none.” Theo quickly grabbed the wooden stake he spotted in Angel’s jacket pocket and plunged it into his own chest knowing that turning to dust was the only solution out of the hell he would otherwise cause onto this world, leaving his biological father Angel in a state of pure shock and horror as he screamed out “No” with the strength of all his voice, catching Buffy’s attention who turned away from her fight just in time to watch alongside Angel as the son they shared together turned to dust before their very eyes. Suddenly, a red smoke, like the one that had turned Theo into a slayer, formed above Theo’s ashes before it began to spread itself throughout the cave growing bigger as it did so, proceeding to attack, ingest, violate, and turn Theo’s undead army into bursts of flames before they eventually turned to dust leaving Buffy, Angel, and their friends stunned by their bittersweet victory, one that came at a great cost.

The End…NOT

“Hello?” Theo called out as he walked into a darkly lit rundown bar, before noticing a sign saying Willy’s Place, as he proceeded to walk over to the bar counter noticing the place was completely empty, the vibe completely dead, as he began to wonder if this was hell, heaven, or something in-between, when suddenly he felt a warm feeling rush through him, that which felt like love in its purest form and as he turned out he was shocked to find a woman stood behind him, with the softest smile he had ever seen. “You may not know me but I’m your grandmother, from your mother’s side.” Joyce greeted her stepson, the two have never met before. “I know this all must be very confusing for you but I’m here to help while I can.” “Not to be rude or anything but are you not supposed to be like dead or something?” Theo replied as he struggled to get his head around whatever the hell was going on. “Well yes, but then again so are you.” Joyce laughed off innocently. “You know you look a lot like your father, but you have your mother’s heart, no matter how much you try to hide it and that smile of yours is truly beautiful I just wish there were more opportunities for you to show the world that smile.” “They are not my parents; my parents died a long time ago and I am sorry, but you are not my grandmother either.” Theo snapped at his biological grandmother, although his snap was nowhere near as bitter as it once was. “Is this hell?” “No honey it is not hell nor is it heaven, consider this your second chance,” Joyce informed him cryptically. “You walked a path you were never meant to walk and the powers that be are just trying to get you back onto the right path, instead of fighting for another destiny why not try embracing the one that’s already yours?” Theo had no idea what Joyce Summers meant by her words but before he could ask her, he found himself magically being transported from Willy’s Place in the now non-existent Sunnydale to the rundown Hyperion Hotel in Los Angeles, where he walked into the lobby to find a beautiful dark blonde-haired woman stood behind the reception desk with a bright smile on her face that told him she was expecting him. “So, you are my guy’s second son I get vampires normally do not have to worry about you know condoms and stuff, but you’d think after the first son tried to kill, he’d wrap it up from there on out but then again if he’s not worried about losing his soul then he’s probably now worrying about impregnating people.” Cordelia Chase said, greeting Theo as he walked over to her. “You’re all kinds of messed up perhaps more so than Connor and he was raised in a freaking hell dimension by some unhinged hunter who very rudely blew up my friend’s club with us in it nonetheless but hey at least you’re not as bad as Angelus now that is the part of your father that you do not want to take after!” “So, which ghost from Buffy or Angel’s past are you then? Are you Angel’s mother?” Theo asked Cordelia, much to her own disgust, which was clear on her face, making Theo realize she must have been a former lover. “Oh, so you’re not Darla which I doubt because Connor’s her son…leaving you being none other than pretty little rich girl turned high being broke bitch miss Cordelia Chase. I must admit of all the stories I heard about the infamous scooby gang, yours were always the most amusing!” “Well, I guess you got your daddy’s brains, and his looks tell me which part of you is Buffy?” Cordelia wondered. “None I hope!” Theo quickly responded, making Cordelia cackle. “Good one sniveling little cry Buffy is more than enough for my liking.” Cordelia joked with the son of the man she once loved, before going on to hand Theo a room key. “A little friendly warning this guy is no friend of your mum or dads so be wary also his face is all kinds of yuck but hey we’re supposed to give you the full unbiased experience but seriously his face is not going to be easy on your pretty little eyes.”

“So, you are the son of the slayer and Angelus…I have been expecting you, my boy.” The Master announced as Theo walked into the hotel room to find the legendary vampire stood waiting to introduce himself. “From your actions, you are more of Angelus’ child than Angel’s which pleases me immensely to know the girl who slew me now has a beast within her own bloodline. However, I hope there is some of the slayer's DNA in you too after all she was the only one to ever beat me.” “You must be The Master, Dru mentioned you once or twice there sure is a lot of hype about you in your heyday you know before Buffy beat you like some newbie vamp,” Theo replied, mocking the master of vampires. “Tobias bought into all that hype but me not so much…so why the hell are you the latest stop on my supernatural soul train?” “You have this arrogance about you that most definitely reminds me of your mother but unlike her you have been beaten time and time again, therefore, making this arrogance of yours truly unearned.” The Master responded, taking a swipe at the son of the slayer in the process. “Mummy spanked you so hard you turned to dust, I think it’s about time you lose the attitude when in the presence of someone who earned their legacy in this world and the next!” “Now don’t start talking about spanking unless your intent is to turn me on.” Theo recklessly flirted with the infamous vampire. “You have what I call a pillow face, but I can work with it if you want to get freaky…” “Right!” Anya Jenkins shouted before storming into the hotel room, The Master quickly vanishing out of sight the moment Anya entered the room. “I’m taking into this appointment because that is just seriously unsettling, and I’d rather not metaphorically spew all over Buffy’s boy as I try to knock some sense into you.” “Oh, great another bloody ghost from their past!” Theo complained as he turned to face the former vengeance demon, quickly becoming tired of whatever the hell was going on around him. “I’m Anya formerly known as Anyanka formerly known as a vengeance demon, one of the best vengeance demons actually then I almost married your mother’s friend Xander until you know he ditched me at the altar and long before he knocked up the little brat we used to babysit,” Anya answered him, clearly unamused with Xander’s choice of partner to co-parent with. “Now I’m just Anya an ally to the powers that be, who’d have thought it…certainly not me anyway.” “Here’s the thing, I’m growing really tired of this bullshit, and after sacrificing myself for I guess the greater good I could really just do with a nap or something. I am so not in the mood for whatever is going on here nor do I give a damn that your man dumped you for someone younger it happens love get over it!” Theo quickly dismissed the former vengeance. “Sorry that your dead but I’m dead too so how about you go haunt the living? I suggest that knucklehead builder who broke your heart especially considering he has a thing for building prisons now and needs a good little scare for that alone.” “Listen here you little snot-nosed slayer, vamp, brat! I am over a thousand years old, and I will not be spoken to that by someone who is technically an error on human history.” Anya snapped back at the slayer of slayers. “Go get yourself a drink or something! Let someone else deal with you, I’m asking for a pay raise…come to think of it, does money still smell as good as it used to?” As Theo became more and more convinced that he was in hell, Anya took the look on his disapproving face to say he wasn’t going to answer her question, and instead of sticking around to force it out of him, she proceeded to leave the hotel room eager to get back to her own afterlife knowing that the next person to visit Theo would definitely be able to put up with his attitude better than she could, or rather was willing to.

Theo didn’t hang around for long before he decided to search for this infamous hotel bar that Anya had suggested to him, wondering if there was even a bar within this rundown, seemingly abandoned place, but after going up and down several floors he finally found the bar the former vengeance demon was referring to as he opened the door, walked through, and suddenly found himself transported to the dive bar he shared with Tobias, only Tobias was not behind the bar, a mousy blonde-haired woman was, a bewitching beauty. “It’s funny the places you wind up when you are not even going in that direction or at least so you thought. It’s hard to accept new paths that are laid out for you but sooner or later you just got to, or you spend forever unhappy and forever’s a very long time.” Tara Maclay informed Theo as he walked over to the bar counter, trying to work out who this bartender was and why they were in some dream-world version of his home. “I much prefer this bar to the last one I’ll give you that,” Theo admitted as he sat down on a barstool and waited for Tara to pour him a glass of whisky on the rocks, to which he quickly downed in one gulp upon being served it. “Which ghost of Buffy and Angel’s past are you?” “I was once Tara, now I’m something else entirely, I am no longer her, and yet her memories remain. It’s funny how they don’t tell you about that when you become a higher being nor do they tell you that despite how much you want to you can never truly reclaim your past, you can never truly get back to where you really want to be.” Tara revealed to the slayer of slayers, as Theo remembered a conversation, he had with Willow about a woman she had love and lost, and how her name was Tara. “I know she feels the same way,” Theo reassured her in a rare act of kindness, as he reached out to hold her hand to comfort the clearly saddened spirit. “See that’s the kindness, that’s signs of your soul, one that was too powerful to be destroyed by demons or anything else that has been thrown at you.” Tara genuinely replied as Theo took his hand back, uncomfortable by showing what he considered to be a weakness but was actually just plain old sympathy. “You have been fighting on the wrong side for all the wrong reasons Theo and I know you know that now even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself you want redemption, more than that you need it.” “Even if you were right, I’m dead now all done and dusted far too late to even try redeeming myself for all the terrible things I have done,” Theo replied, not wanting to admit to the former witch turned higher being that she was right, that he did want redemption, that he wanted to amend for the things he has done, that he had finally seen the error of his ways, and his hatred was placed in all the wrong places. “Oh, sweetie you’re not dead you’re just on a time out, which is sort of over now,” Tara replied before Tristan found himself being transported one last time, only this time he had been transported back to vampire island, to the very spot he had staked himself, standing in his own leftover ashes as he looked around the abandoned caves more confused than ever before as he tried to work out what he had just experienced, why he was back on that island, and what would happen next. “I told you there was another destiny for you, my friend,” Sineya revealed telepathically as her words once again pierced their way into Theo’s mind after her spirit appeared in front of the former slayer of slayers. “And now it has begun…you are no longer the slayer of slayers or the vampire with a soul intact, now you are at one with the very demon itself, this is your destiny!”

The End…of Volume One

Volume one - Slayer of Slayers Master List Link Here

VOLUME 2 COMING SOON...