#I believe aziraphale would be just as bitchy about doing it as Crowley was

[glassiskies]

“I did the ‘I was wrong’ dance in 1650, in 1793, 1941…”

[kimberellaroo]

I have a theory on why Crowley might not have told Aziraphale what he experienced in heaven, both during the hellfire execution I S1 and the files he saw about Gabriel and the second coming in S2.

Crowley is protective of Aziraphale, we know that he keeps coming to the rescue and bailing him out of trouble. We also know he's said that Aziraphale is just enough of a bastard to be likeable and we've seen him all gleeful when Aziraphale does something a little bit bad. But I'm pretty certain that his protective streak also extends to protecting Aziraphale's innocence a little from just how bad Heaven is.

Aziraphale has had a long run of either getting off scot-free, getting away with lying to God, and at worst receiving a "sternly worded note", basically just a reprimand. He knows Crowley goes through a lot worse in Hell, but that is hell of course. They're the bad guys. His attempts to protect Crowley are protecting Crowley from hell. Crowley also is very aware that hell are cruel so we can leave that aside for now.

The situation with heaven is more like this:

Imagine you have a group of friends that you trust, you've been close forever, maybe since childhood, practically family. They can be a bit bitchy to outsiders, but you're part of the group. As far as you know, they love you. Then one day while you're not there, your partner hears what these friends actually say about you behind your back and it's horrifically cruel. Things your partner knows will hurt you pretty bad. Your partner has to try to work out how to let you know that these aren't good friends, that you should cut ties with them, without wanting to repeat the hurtful things that could devastate you. Also if you believe your friends more than your partner, if you decided your partner was just trying to drive a wedge between you and your friends or isolate you, there's a risk you fight with your partner and break up about it.

Crowley is this partner. I think that he's trying to say "trust me, heaven is toxic" hoping that Aziraphale trusts him enough to believe it without having to go into detail. Meanwhile Aziraphale doesn't have the context to properly believe how bad it is, and Crowley isn't giving it to him. It's not the best way to go about it, even though Crowley means well.

I also think that as the demon, as the person who has gone through torture and abuse, part of Crowley is determined to carry the burden of this knowledge alone to protect Aziraphale from any of that. He's had practice after all, that means he's tougher right? He may think he's better able to handle it.

Because of all this, while Aziraphale obviously knows heaven punished "him" (body swapped Crowley) after the failed Armageddon, he may believe that heaven treated it like an unpleasant duty that they had to do, because he never saw and wasn't told about how much smug pleasure Gabriel took in doing it, and how he would have encouraged others to humiliate him (Eric the demon in the deleted scene). Did Crowley even tell him that it was meant to be an execution and not a lecture? There was nothing said about it on the park bench afterwards. Aziraphale knows execution was what Hell had planned for Crowley, but as we've already established, Hell is cruel. He may believe that Heaven only smites demons and sometimes humans (because angels don't seem to really understand humans), never their own angels. As far as we've seen, Crowley and Aziraphale have never had a serious talk about how and why Crowley was cast from Heaven, how that took place, who was involved in the casting out. It could be that Crowley has protected him from that info too. It could be that Aziraphale forgets a little that demons were once angels too, or again, thinks it was done as an unpleasant duty.

Of course Crowley's determination not to share the hurtful information backfires spectacularly in a number of ways:

Aziraphale does not have the information and context needed to see the real danger towards himself and treats Crowley like he's overreacting. Crowley hasn't shared the tools that allow Aziraphale to protect himself.

Not knowing all this means that Aziraphale forces Crowley into contact with an abuser, even if it's one with a personality change. That puts a lot more pressure on an already burdened Crowley.

I think that Crowley trying to bear the burden himself starts to weigh on him. His efforts to protect Aziraphale from heaven are unappreciated by Aziraphale because Aziraphale is clueless that he's even doing it. When he finds Aziraphale has been sheltering Gabriel I think part of his reaction is to how ungrateful Aziraphale seems to be, as well as the feeling taken for granted and that Aziraphale doesn't trust him enough that he's gone back to that metaphorical cruel friend. He explodes, and then is exhausted by it all. Aziraphale demanding an apology dance from him and being smug about it makes it worse, but I think he does it to keep the peace because he doesn't want to leave Aziraphale to deal with the threat of Gabriel and Heaven alone.

I know all this kind of makes Aziraphale sound like a bit of jerk while Crowley is all self-sacrificing, but if Aziraphale's jerkier actions are from genuine ignorance and Crowley's self-sacrificing is misguided thinking he knows what's best for Aziraphale, it kind of evens out. Neither of them are seeing what they have as an equal partnership at this point. Both of them are trying to protect the other from the other's ex-employers and think they are right. We've already established that crappy communication skills form the basis for a lot of their problems. It's not healthy at all and there's definitely ways they could deal with it better, but they are both messy flawed people acting according to feelings.

[vidavalor]

Hello Vidavalor! I just finished reading The Vavoom and you've convinced me entirely. I just have one thing that I'm not sure on. What about Azi saying "doesn't seem likely" in the pub? Is he teasing him? Why would he reject Crowley being so hot like that?

Hi there! :) Thanks for reading. Chocolate truffle?

So, two reasons, imo, for not letting Crowley get what he wanted out of that moment. (Aziraphale was absolutely melting internally, though, let's be real lol...)

The first reason is that, yeah, he's teasing him. He likes Cupid pursuing him lol. But maybe the funnier reason is rooted in the earlier part of the conversation and that's just that Aziraphale is making some meta and hilariously bitchy judgements about Maggie and her feelings for Nina so he has trouble envisioning Crowley's romantic vision as applicable to their parallels. He calls Maggie's feelings "a pash" a bit dismissively to Crowley after a quick pause of trying to find a word he feels is accurate for what he saw in the shop and then describes the issue to Crowley as "and I don't think she knows how to conduct a courtship." He's basically like The girl's a hapless mess, dear. She has no idea what she's doing. Zero game, whatsoever. Poor Nina. In doing so, he's making a comparison between their relationship and Maggie and Nina, which is also present in his response to Crowley's idea.

Aziraphale is aware that Crowley is seizing on the opportunity to romance him a bit with his vavoomy reply but Aziraphale's response is less about how romantic the way Crowley describes their kiss is and more like he's (pretend) irritated that Crowley thinks that the kiss is replicable for other people lol. He's like you dare to bring up The Vavoom as something you could just *make happen* for *Maggie*? The same Maggie that was just sobbing in her shop over a woman who barely knows her name?

Crowley, on the other hand, is a hopeless romantic and he believes that there's a vavoom opportunity possible for anyone who wants one and, next to yelling at his plants, his favorite hobby is facilitating romance for the humans. (He also seems to have a better appreciation of Maggie not being a teenager anymore, which seems harder for Aziraphale.) If Crowley's love wants these ladies to see some potential sparks then Crowley's game. Mags needs some help wooing the Coffee Shop Human. He gets to make it rain. Great day in the works for Crowley. He was more just seizing upon the opportunity to romance Aziraphale in the process by recounting his and Aziraphale's own first kiss than completely answering Aziraphale's request for ideas for Maggie and Nina and Aziraphale knows that. He knows Crowley's point is that he is a very old being who has been on Earth for a long time and has seen countless people fall in love and his definition of romance is and always has been him and Aziraphale so, if Aziraphale is requesting the gold standard Cupid package here for Maggie and Nina, Crowley's reply is nothing less than trying for a version of when he and Aziraphale tipped from big pash into vavoom sorted.

Aziraphale's "doesn't seem likely" response to that is actually misconstrued a lot, imo, because what he really is saying is more along the lines of: Doesn't seem likely. You and I *realigned the Earth* with that kiss. Maggie and Nina don't have that kind of passion. Maggie can barely tell Nina what her name is. They are mortal humans-- you might *kill* them if you tried to replicate our sort of vavoom, Crowley. Do be careful with my shop lesbians, dear...

(I also thought this was a very funny choice for the scene because if they're burying the idea of the first kiss here, episodes before 2.06, in such a way that this scene will seem very different if it turns out in S3 that Crowley was describing their first kiss in this scene, then Aziraphale's "doesn't seem likely" is also a meta dry joke over the fact that this whole thing is debatable between S2 and S3. They already knew they were writing towards the 2.06 kiss and that some would see that as the first kiss so throwing in Aziraphale replying "doesn't seem likely" to what will ultimately be Crowley describing what actually *was* their first kiss is something that's awfully funny and is another reason in support of the vavoom theory being true, imo.)

Crowley's "No. No no no no... get humans wet and staring into each other's eyes..." response to is both knowing that Aziraphale is playing with him a little and being semi-faux-long-suffering back like oh come *on*, that was so romantic of me and you're really not going to give me anything, are you, you absolutely marvelous bastard? Sure, pet me in the pub and make me husband Mr. Vacuum away but barely blink at The Vavoom... Fine, you know what? It wasn't even us at all. I saw it in a Richard Curtis film, which we both know is total bullshit but I've got my pride, ok? That said, I will do literally anything to get His Supreme Archangelness out of the guest room with haste so whatever will do that...

...wait, why are we now talking about Jane Austen and that time in the South Downs in this love conversation, angel, hmm?

[adoroborosgoth]

One of the reasons I think Persuasion fits Crowley and Aziraphale.

So read Captain Wentworth's letter first.

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never."

Now for my ramblings below the cut.

Now that I'm not incoherently screaming internally. The quote I highlighted above in red. Which is. "You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others."

Now I could be wrong and I often am but isnt that almost in not so many words exactly what Crowley said to Aziraphale in s2e1 when they are sitting in the coffee shop.

Crowley: Right, what’s the problem?

Aziraphale: Problem? Who said there was a problem?

Crowley: Tone of voice. You have three reasons for calling me. You’re bored. You need to tell someone about something clever you did before you pop. Or something’s wrong. This was your ‘something’s wrong’ voice.

I know there are other parallels here to be made, but I can't help being obsessed with this line. I mean just the fact alone that Wenworth and Crowley have hope even after all that has happened. That's optimism baby!

There really is so much to unpack here and I am probably reading way to much into this, but hey isnt this what fandom is for.

Lol on a side note I love the "Too good, too excellent creature!" line in the letter just after the highlighted part. I just keep picturing Crowley saying something similar to or about Aziraphale but make it modern. Probably in a snarky, bitchy way, but it wouldn't be Crowley otherwise.

There are so many other parallels to Persuasion and Good Omens that others have touched on much better. Other highlights of note in orange.

I just bought a copy of Persuasion two days ago so I can pour over every little detail. (No more borrowing my sister's books.) So I expect I'll be making other posts later.

[edosianorchids901]

So Happy Together

@flashfictionfridayofficial prompt - "how far we've come"

“Y’know,” Crowley said, on the verge of dozing with his head in Aziraphale’s lap, “S’ pretty impressive.”

His pillow shifted a little as Aziraphale leaned to grab the jug of wine from the low table by their dining couch. “What’s pretty impressive?”

Aziraphale settled back into place, and Crowley wriggled to get comfortable again. The soft thigh made an ideal spot to rest, at least when it wasn’t moving. “How far we’ve come.”

Mid-pour, Aziraphale paused to give him a baffled look. “I’m afraid I still don’t quite understand, dear fellow.”

“I mean…” Crowley waved a hand vaguely, coordination compromised by all the alcohol. “You n’ me. When we first met, I half expected you t’ smite me for being annoying.”

“I wouldn’t have done such a thing!” Expression indignant, Aziraphale plucked a grape from a bowl and fed it to Crowley. “Granted, you were a bit annoying, barraging me with all those questions immediately after we met. But I certainly would not have smote you.”

“Well yeah, but I didn’t know you again. You mighta been an arsehole.” Grinning up at the angel’s unimpressed expression, Crowley poked him in the belly. “You’re annoying too sometimes, y’know. When you get all holier than thou.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes and fed him another grape. “I believe you’ve rather wandered off from your original point.”

“Oh yeah.” Crowley took a moment to remember his original point, then brightened. “Anyway. Point is. When we met, we were enemies.”

“We are still enemies,” Aziraphale said primly while his fingers trailed through Crowley’s short curls. The laurel crown thingy had long since been removed and tossed to the table. “I am an angel, and—”

“Yes, all right, and I’m a demon. But we, er…” The wine was starting to make Crowley sleepy, which really didn’t help with clarity. He yawned.

“Well, I’m so glad we’ve established that.”

The bitchiness in Aziraphale’s tone brought another grin to Crowley’s face, as well as a direction for his thoughts. He patted Aziraphale’s thigh. “Started off enemies, not sure about each other. But lookit us now.”

Aziraphale blinked. “Extremely drunk in Rome?”

“No! Well, yeah, guess s’ relevant. S’ mah whole point.” He prodded Aziraphale’s belly again and enjoyed the look of irritation on the angel’s face. “We’re drunk together. We’re together.”

“That’s a very astute obser… obs…” Aziraphale pursed his lips and glared at the wine in his hand. “I seem to be getting as intoxicated as you now.”

Aziraphale hadn’t quite caught up with him yet. When they first got to Petronius’s place, Crowley had still been cranky, depressed, in a mood. He’d been downing wine at an astronomical rate.

But now he was happy, and it wasn’t just because of the wine. He offered Aziraphale the most winning grin he could manage when half of the verge of plunging into an alcohol-induced nap. “We’re friends.”

That produced a horrified sort of sputtering, frantic hand waving, and a brilliant red flush in Aziraphale’s cheeks. Crowley watched, fascinated, as wine went flinging out of his cup and splashed all over the dining couch beside them.

“We are not friends!” Aziraphale finally choked, setting down his empty cup and irritably flicking wine off his fingers. “You absurd old serpent.”

They were absolutely friends, but even drunk, Crowley could tell that pushing his luck on that was a bad idea. Instead, he settled into an even more comfortable position and closed his eyes, head still in Aziraphale’s lap. “S’ okay if I take a nap here?”

“Oh! Of course,” Aziraphale said without any hesitation.

They had come a long way, even if Aziraphale wasn’t prepared to admit it. No other angel would let a demon borrow their lap for a pillow. And no other demon would feel utterly safe doing so.

But as Crowley sank into the comfortable haze of approaching sleep, warm lips pressed to his forehead. Just for a split second, and accompanied by a soft murmur, barely audible. “Sleep, and dream of whatever you like best.”

The goodwill in those words washed through Crowley, clearing away all the dark clutter and inescapable stress that often haunted his dreams. And, all at once, he knew what he would dream about.

More days, spent just like this one. Days of talking and eating and drinking together. Days spent with his best friend.

[quillyfied]

GO2 spoilers, keep going to avoid bc this is spoiler town now. Got so hugely long I crashed my tumblr app. Yikes.

So I get why Neil best thought they would have been better released as individual episodes now, because the last 15 minutes really do overwhelm the rest of the season. Cliffhangers often do. Next time I watch, I think I want to savor it more. Because:

- PRE FALL CROWLEY CRANKING UP A NEBULA LIKE HIS CAR. AZIRAPHALE HAVING A GIANT CRUSH. PRE FALL AZIRAPHALE HAD FEELINGS FIRST BABES HOW ARE YOU DOING

- they continue to be The Most Married. They have a freaking “I was wrong” dance. The bitchiness of their bickering. The ways they just know each other.

- CROWLEY’S CHEEKY SCOTTISH ACCENT IN THE RESURRECTIONIST ADVENTURE. IM SO EXCITED IT EXISTS IN CANON.

- Baldad the Shuhite, best midwife slash cobbler in the land, lover of shoemaking and obstetrics XDDDD

- Crowley’s absolutely badass venomous “I long to destroy the blameless children of Job” thing…right before the goats give him away.

- Maggie!! So precious!! And Aziraphale! Brushing off a good deed as selfish openly!

- Nina! Deserves a better partner!!!! And to move on from whatever made her believe she deserved to have someone treat her like that!!

- MIRANDA RICHARDSON AS SHAX. WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED. WE ARE FILLED.

- so uh INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY GIRLIES HOW WE FEELING???? Bc I’m feeling great, woke up with Buddy Holly in my head. I cannot believe the gift we were given and how pitch perfect it was for how the fans have written it for the past four years.

- Shelley Conn’s Beelzebub though!! What a stunning performance! What a costume change! What an absolute wealth of rotting teeth and great eyeliner! More flies indeed!!!

- the fly constantly buzzing around Jim was a huge clue but I hardly dared hope for it to be true tbh

- Aziraphale being morally grey all over this season, eh? And super touchy. Like. The dance scene was uncomfortable bc of the overwhelming of their free will to fit Aziraphale’s fantasy, which was another big piece of foreshadowing right there, but the amount of times Aziraphale touches Crowley this season. Unreal.

- “I thought you said it wasn’t lonely.” “I’m a demon. I lied.” KILL ME

- Aziraphale’s first reaction to food though. There’s that darling hedonist we love and enjoy.

- OF COURSE THATS HOW GABRIEL THINKS BIRTH WORKS OH MY HECK—

- hang on, did Crowley figure it out since the Flood, then? Good for him!

- NEIL. NEIL THERE ARE ZOMBIE NAZIS LOOSE IN THE WORLD NEIL. NEIL WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM NEIL. NEEEEEEIL.

- CROWLEY’S HANDS SHAKING DURING THE BULLET TRICK. THEM PULLING IT OFF WITHOUT MIRACLES. THE SLEIGHT OF HAND.

- AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY TOGETHER DOING ARCHANGEL LEVEL MIRACLES BC IT WORKS A LITTLE TOO WELL

- frankly, the whole miracle detection thing in heaven in the first place. Miracle detection truth girlies, how you feeling?

- Maggie being so brave against a bunch of demons and stumbling right into bravado and accidentally inviting them into the shop. Nina backing her up. The two of them holding off quite a lot of demons with just fire extinguishers and encyclopedias. And an active portal.

- THE HALO THING

- MURIEL BLESS THEIR SWEET COTTON SOCKS THEY DID SO MUCH AND DESERVE SO MUCH MORE CREDIT AND PRAISE FROM ALL CORNERS

- do you think Crowley drunkenly revealing to Jim that the attempted executions at the end of last season were due to them switching places is going to have consequences in the future? Bc I’m nervous about that.

- also hey Crowley being super protective and particularly vengeful towards Gabriel truthers HOW U DOING???

- listen there’s so much to talk about and discuss and dig into but I really want to take a moment to weep over how Crowley kissed Aziraphale goodbye. So desperately. So sadly. And how venomous Aziraphale’s follow up “I forgive you” lands like a slap at the end of this tumultuous argument. Never could have predicted it to go like that. I’m still reeling.

[em-williams]

good omens rants I sent to my friend at 1am pt. 2

Frick it. It's 11pm and I'm going to ruin your morning.

Had Crowley just said I love you or I need you, Aziraphale would have stayed. I also would like to point out that that bitchy little angel truly did want to kiss Crowley. So much so that in "every" he holds Crowley. He grabs his skinny little man waist and holds him. He wants Crowley to stay with him. Not the earth, not heaven, with him. Aziraphale also just really for some God forbidden reason just wants to go back to a toxic work environment. It's the whole reason why they have this moment of "bich run to me I need you or I'm going to give it up." Aziraphale doesn't see this as a good bye or I might not ever see you again. He sees it as I'm going to fix heaven and he will come back to me. Crowley doesn't see this. he sees it as the management of heaven taking the one thing he cares about away from him. For Crowley this is goodbye. Unless we start the coffee theory then something has to be missing. You don't just kiss your not husband who you loved for the past 6000 years and embrace him with all your love then leave him for your toxic work. Crowley sees this and begs him to stay. Now, It might sound like I'm going off track but no.

Aziraphale is going back to heaven because he feels as if he has failed in every aspect as an angel. If he learns how to be a proper angel like he was supposed to Crowley might have followed him is what he is thinking. He believes he is doing this all for Crowley he wants to believe he is bettering himself and heaven for Crowley so that Crowley will run back to aziraphale. This whole season was about Aziraphale not obaying the rules of an angel.(lieing, failing to save someone, glutany, disobaying direct orders. Losing his loved one) This is going to be the braking point for Aziraphale once he realizes Crowley wanted him to stay. He just wanted him. This is going to be the driving force behind season 3.

Have fun digesting this.

[antlerx-art]

GOOD OMENS 2 EPISODE 2 REACTION - CONTAINS SPOILERS‼️

sooo bearded crowley in this episode am I right 😔 yup 2500 BC… HERE HE IS!!! i hate him so much

nah he’s talking about God abandoning him i don’t actually hate him poor fallen angel

WHAT IS AZIRAPHALE DOING

so if this is after the flood crowley had a huge glow down

“I COMMAND THEE, BEGONE!” “no.” he’s so me i’m so him (he has a permit from god??)

“satan and his diabolical ministers may destroy everything Job owns no question asked, hugs kisses, god” AND THE PAPER IS THAT LONG?

CROWLEY’S SO BITCHY

so aziraphale had met muriel before

LONG HAIRED GABRIEL WHY DOES HE LOOK SO?? JUST?? SO WRONG😭

AHH EVE WAS THE FIRST NOT ADAM

“i think they quite like the old ones”

alphabetical order!! FIRST LETTER OF THE FIRST SENTENCE HELP

OH WAIT I GET IT, in the playlists prime video dropped you have to look at the first letter of the lyrics of each song to have the words “ineffable” and “tempting” AND IT’S BECAUSE OF THIS JOKE

“EVERY DAY ITS A-GETTING CLOSER”🎶 lol didn’t jon hamm say he doesn’t sing in an interview

CROWLEY CHANGED CLOTHES THE TURTLENECK DBHDHSJN CROWLEY WITH THE TUTLENECK

theory time: shax says that the miracle could’ve been performed only by the mightiest of archangels and crowley asks her how does she know he didn’t do it, are you telling me crowley was an archangel??

okay they’re both risking to be eliminated now

aziraphale SINGING

NOOOOOSTOPCRYING MAGGIE

HEHEHEHHE SHE’S IN LOVE (“it’s not your job to sort out my doomed love life” because he should think about HIS love life first)

“every record they play eventually turns into that song” you mean like queen songs in the bentley?

“Gabriel.” HEART SKIPPED A BEAT “where is Gabriel.”

wooo saraqael creating wheelchair ramps

“falling in love is what humans do” crying rn

don’t i know you? NO YOU DONT SHUT UP 😁

NAHHH why is heaven watching him again leave aziraphale alone☹️

HERE IT GOEEEEES EVERY DAY🎶🎶🎶🎶

the pub from the picture!!

making them fall in love this is such a fanfiction trope i love it

A SUDDEN RAINSTORM FORCES THEM TOGETHER BENEATH A CANOPY THEY LOOK INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES AND REALIZE THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER???? OHHHHH I JUST KNOW THATS GONNA HAPPEN TO AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY AS WELL

if you’re going to invoke fiction… aziraphale are you about to say jane austen?

HE SAID IT yess i knew they were gonna have the ball for nina and maggie I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE?

“PEOPLE WOULD GATHER DO SOME FORMAL DANCING AND REALIZE THEY HAD MISUNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER AND WERE ACTUALLY DEEPLY IN LOVE” okay but can you try to be a little more subtle

a clue!!!😼

“jim tell me what do you know” / “oookay, whaddayaknow” IM ON THE FLOOR STOPSPPP WHY ITS NOT EVEN THAT FUNNY

WOOO PURPLE EYES- is that god’s voice?

ANOTHER FLASHBACK oh no not bearded crowley again… his hair has lost volume

Bildad the Shuhite?? 💀

“i know you” / “you do not know me” AAAAAAAAAAA

NO WAIT THIS IS AFTER THE FLOOD. WHEN CROWLEY SAID “YOU CANT KILL KIDS” IM UNWELL aziraphale does know this is not what crowley wants to do

“I KNOW THE ANGEL YOU WERE” OHH I WAS WRONG HE REMEMBERS HE REMEMBERS HIM

he wants to do it because he was blameless too but he fell anyway. bye i’m about to appear on international news

the goats are back 😭😭😭😭 STOP THIS IS CUTE look at aziraphale’s face

“you can stop grinning” HHEJEHRHEHRH

“DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE ON THE SAME SIDE” AND YEARS LATER CROWLEY IS THE ONE THAT TELLS HIM THEYRE ON THEIR OWN SIDE

“be not afraid” 👁️biblically accurate aziraphale👁️

TY TENNANT!!!! why’s he so gay

AWWWGGGHHH DAVID SAYING HIS SON SEEMS NICE

AZIRAPHALE SHOUTINGBHAHAH “I BRING THE WARNING” that was unexpected

what. just. happened.

aziraphale knew they were safe because crowley wouldn’t actually kill kids 😭

“oooh aren’t you brilliant” giggling kicking my feet

GIRL WHY DID YOU TURN THEM INTO GECKOS

am i about to witness aziraphale’s first time being drunk?

THATS A PARALLEL A DAMN PARALLEL between crowley/nina offering wine and aziraphale/maggie both not drinking

“are you trying to tempt me?” i was wrong this is going to be the first time aziraphale EATS omg HEHEHHHH HES PRECIOUS

lol btw this big thunderstorm is nothing compared to what has happened a few days ago where i live

CROWLEY IS ON HIS OWN SIDE!!!! AND THEN IT BECOMES THEIR SIDE!!!

“see you in hell” shut up???

i love this whole flashback but why does he have to have that beard im sorry i can’t get over it😔

YEP THATS GOD’S VOICE

also i just realized there’s no narrator this time rip

“if you want answers come back when you can make a whale” CROWLEY COULD MAKE STARS AND STILL DIDNT GET THE ANSWERS

“shoemaking and obstetrics” HELPPPP

aziraphale’s in trouble ohhhh he LIED

D’YOU NEED A LIFT SOMEWHERE 🫢

HE ASKED TO USE THE BENTLEY OMG THEIR CAR

crowley is me i’m so jealous of my possessions no matter who you are

aziraphale has a driving license?😨

NOUR! *slaps his hand*

aziraphale being bitchy is my favourite thing

THE SCENEEEEE THE SCENE FROM THE PICTURE IM SO EXCITED

aziraphale is so nervous nooo my little guy HE THINKS HES GOING TO FALL WHATTTT

“IM NOT TAKING YOU TO HELL, ANGEL”

NOOO THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING STOP. STOP CRYING.

“with your curly little.. and your neat white” MY GODDD

AZIRAPHALE VOICE WHEN HE SAYS “IM A FALLEN ANGEL” I CANT. DO. THIS.

“that sounds um..” / “lonely?” end me right now

BUT THEYRE NOT GOING TO BE LONELY ANYMORE THEY HAVE EACH OTHER THEYRE ON THEIR OWN SIDE

(crowley saying “you’re on your own with this one” in ep1 is even worse to hear now 😍)

MURIEL CLIP NEXT EPISODE YAYY

tagging @neil-gaiman since he said he was interested in reading live reactions

[rollforjackass]

GOOD OMENS S2E4 STUFF

MOTHERFUCKER YOU HAVE READ EVERY BOOK EVER AND YOU NEVER HEARD THE GHOST STORY ABOUT THE CREEPY HITCHHIKER??????????? GET OUT THE FUCKING CAR RUN

that bitchy little eyebrow raise on "you don't seem his type"

EVERYONE IN HELL THINKS THAT CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE HAVE BEEN DATING THIS WHOLE TIME????????

oh aziraphale buddy.....oh no

AAAAAAAA 40S IT'S THE 40S THE MINISODE MY BELOVED

hellfire coolers instead of water, i respect you

i love how much we're seeing of hell but i do miss the fursonas.

i said that and then shax had pointy teeth and furfur had a fucked up tongue. thank you for that mr gaiman

mark gatiss has raiders of the lost ark memorized i just know it. i recognize those creepy nazi giggles you little fuck

"tonight's magician -" aziraphale has entered the chat

Z O M B I E S

aziraphale is so excited about this i'm going to fucking sob. my brother in christ has that autistic rizz and i (also autistic) am enthralled

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT OLD MAN VOICE this impression is so. i don't know what to feel about this. but i love it

"you, my nefertiti-fooling fellow" oh crowley has it fucking BAD and now aziraphale has it too. they are perfect to me

crowley's darling little smile while aziraphale is enraptured with the trick is Just. they're so lovely

AZIRAPHALE HAS A GUN LICENSE????? AND KEEPS A DERRINGER IN THE SHOP?????????????? I AM FUCKING AGOG AGHAST AND AMAZED

OH MY FUCKING GOD MY THEORY ABOUT CROWLEY BEING THE ONE TO SHOOT AZIRAPHALE WAS CLOSER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. OH MY GOD.

aziraphale's little happy hands 🥺

i cannot fucking Believe this is really happening i feel like i'm having an out of body experience

HE HAS STAGE FRIGHT NOOOO

THE MIRACLE CANCELLATION CARD AT THE FUCKING BULLET CATCH AND CROWLEY'S NEVER FIRED A GUN BEFORE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

his hand is shaking on the trigger i don't want to do this anymore :(

aziraphale's so happy :') i adore them for this

motherfucker Handed them the only evidence he had, great work chief

crowley stretching out for a nap just to be difficult, what a fucking legend. no wonder they lasted so long without getting caught, they're cold motherfuckers

DAGON MY LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"i knew you would come through for me. you always do." "well, you said 'trust me'." "and you did."

^ i'm not fucking sane anymore i don't exist i have ceased to be

"let me in or i will hang your vital organs on the wall. in a frame." 👉👈 do you promise

"crowley's pet" i'm really. i'm unwell

the sentient bentley my love

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Hi! So I guess people again are talking about how Aziraphale is heartless. Which isn’t true. I remember I ranted about this a while ago when some people were saying that Aziraphale didn’t care when Crowley said “I lost my best friend.” You could tell in his face he was touched. I could see it in his eyes and the way his voice shook when he spoke. Everyone reacts to emotion differently anyhow.

Anyways, some people are bringing this whole conversation up again. But people are defending him saying that he does get anxious a lot. A lot of angels don’t like him so he probably closes himself in a little bit. He’s just super cautious. I wondered is that why sometimes Aziraphale would say in response to Crowley “well you’re a demon, it’s what you do.” Does he throw things like that in his face because he kind of can’t trust Crowley fully? I mean we all can tell he trusts Crowley more than the other angels but maybe not fully. I love Aziraphale so I’m not trying to give credit to the people saying he’s awful. Just wondered, trying to understand Aziraphale.

And that’s another thing right there, it’s like people don’t try to understand him. He’s a nice Angel he’s just cautious and anxious and maybe to some people he’s uptight but there’s always a reason behind how people act.

This is so long, I’m sorry 🙈

Hiya! :) Fortunately I haven't seen any people talking about Azi being heartless... and if I did I would ignore them, so please do too ❤.

Azi is many things. He is an angel, he cares, he is an anxious mess, he is brave, he can be bitchy and sarcastic, he is strong, he is full of love, he has faith, even if that can also be directed at the system before it erodes, he can tease, he's... almost like a human, really :) (in the best way possible).

And yes, he repeated several times that Crowley was a demon, but that seemed to me more like a learned reaction and repeating it out loud for himself not to forget, not to get too close to him (in this quite unsuccessfully). And still, I believe that he trusted Crowley more than any angel.

Internet is full of opinions so just... if you don't like someone's GO meta thens scroll close the window, it's not worth your worries ❤.

[blorbosondeck]

fic rec masterlist

canon divergent/finale fix its

Anamnesis

THIS! FIC! this fic lives in my head rent FREE it is so good and it makes so much sense in the narrative that the shitty finale concocted, as to why they wouldn't mention cas or anyone else and its just. so good and they write chuck in the most villainous way that i love!!!

"Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be. Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19."

Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven by @adhdeancas

GOD FUCKING CHRIST this is so good and sweet and im such a sucker for team ups and reunions!!! its 3:30 am rn and i just finished it and i love it SO much it made me laugh a lot and the last few chapters i had the stupidest grin just plastered to my face

The Closer the Star, the Greater the Parallax by @rocksalts​

repressed bastard dean submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known and receives the rewards of being loved but only after some miscommunication i LOVE this i read it last night and it’s a fast favorite. my interests have overlapped and i am INTO it

“When Dean sits down to watch some bullcrap Discovery Channel episode with Cas, he doesn’t expect to actually learn anything. Except, with Cas explaining, he makes an effort to connect the dots.”

Don't We All Deserve To Be Happy?

VERY sweet and a VERY good pick me up. all around feel good fic!!! 

"Post-canon fix-it, divergent from 15x19 where Jack stays and Dean doesn't die and Cas comes back and everyone is happy. Take a shot every time I'm salty about the finale."

Keep Your Love Alive

okay. okay okay okay this may be my favorite finale fix it just because of how well reasoned it is. like this feels what should have happened i love it SO much

"Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?"

The GoldenRod Revisions by @aethylas​

this is one of the most well written things ive ever read. the script format DID make it feel more real and honestly? this is better writing than this show deserves. the finale that could have been ♥️

“A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.“

Ascend by @wanderingcas​ 

THEE finale fix it fic!!! written by the AMAZINGLY skilled and talented @wanderingcas !!! it’s 50k of angst and hurt/comfort and pure bliss

“Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?”

Things Happen (They Do, And They Do, And They Do) by THEE @sobsicles

i KNOW everyone has already recommended this and likely you’ve all already read it. but it has to go here bc REPRESSIOOOOOOOOON i LOVE this so much it is one of the most perfect things i’ve read. are you bisexual? did you have a kind of weird relationship with your best friend and not realize that how you felt about them wasn’t necessarily how other people felt about them and you were maybe a little bit in love with them but were too repressed to realize it? you’ll feel seen. maybe a little too seen

Closer (isn't close enough)

are you a sweet and sappy yet horny bastard? do you like cas exploding light bulbs? you will like this.

“the one where they finally talk about what cas said before the empty took him”

You and Your Husband

it is exTRMELY sweet!!! repression dean strikes again <3

"Five times Dean corrects someone about his relationship with Cas, and one time he realizes he doesn't need to."

Tall Grass

miscommunication and a slowburn! despite being written in 2017 and finished in 2018, it feels like a fix it. ft. plant obsessed cas <3 

Invictus

a LOVELY and short (relatively) finale fix it

“They saved the world. They're free. It's done.

Except it's not, and carrying on is the last thing any of them are thinking about.

They still have someone they need to save.”

Unchained Link

post finale- it’s a great case fic and i am compelled i want more!!!

"It's after the end of things. Life continues on while Dean is "livin it up" in heaven. But it's never that simple, is it? A freak occurrence sends Dean into another time stranded back on Earth. And he thought his hunting days were over. But, no worries. His knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. Hijinks, therefore, ensue."

fun and time unspecified

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Love Potion No. 5

very funny and sweet! miscommunication at its finest ♥️

"Cas gets drenched with a mystery potion from the ‘love spell’ shelf and... Dean has a sneaking suspicion, angel or no— the spell may have taken effect. And Cas might be in love with Sam."

The Way We Were

Y'all. It is so good its a great mix of funny and serious- extremely fun to see dean as like a base bisexual

"Dean and Castiel pose as a couple to gain access to a gated community known as 'The Glen', a pleasant if secretive location that the boys believe might be linked to several dead bodies showing up over the years bearing signs of ritualistic sacrifice. All seems well until Dean's memory is affected from an incident during a solo exploration, leaving Dean convinced that their cover story is true. Castiel is left trying to resolve their case without taking advantage of an increasingly enthusiastic Dean"

While You Were Sleeping

this is basically just the movie but replacing sandra bullock with cas. this is my comfort movie and imo, one of the most perfect rom coms. the fic isn’t finished but i still have the tab open on my phone and i will straight up go back and re read it when i need a pick me up. 

aus/rewrites

The Harvelle Gospels: Offscript

i know everyone ever ( @jewishcharliebradbury ) has recommended this fic. and for good reason go fucking read it

“The Apocalypse is averted, the angels are in Heaven, and Jo is free from the threat of possession. Somehow it couldn't be farther from a happy ending.“

absolute riots

An Ineffably Profound Bond

i honestly would have put this in the finale fix it section! look. i know. i know you've been burned by crossover fics before. but this is Thee good omens/spn fic you want. its funny as hell and immensely satisfying. im weak for everyone working together tropes and that is this

"After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other worlds to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.

When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home."

Somebody Up There Likes Me by @lafilleredige

cas is hit with a spell that turns his vessel into a woman, hijinks and sexuality crises ensue etc etc sam is a supportive and bitchy little brother and its all SO fucking funny and also. horny as hell i love it i love it i LOVE it

“’Dean doesn’t want to talk about your breasts, it’s making him uncomfortable because he hasn’t acknowledged the complex fluidity of human sexuality.’“

Stray Cat Strut

a long crack fic that IS one of the funniest things i’ve ever read and i can’t explain why. it’s so ooc but its so funny that i don’t care. if you need a laugh you gotta read this

"Sam and Cas are immediately in love with the adorable kitty they find outside the bunker door, and occupy their time planning how to convince Dean--who they believe is off sulking after a botched hunt--to let them keep their cat. Along the way, Dean learns to use a litter box and hears some confessions he maybe wasn’t supposed to hear, all while realizing just how much he loves Castiel.

Now all Dean has to do is convince Cas and Sam their new pet cat is actually him before they do something crazy--like neuter him!"

canon compliant or slight canon divergence

Give

by @doublestuffedimpala post season 7 episode 7, kind of ambiguous ending but truly a cas is happy to bleed for the winchesters fic

Punch Like Bones 

short, post 5x04 homoerotic moment that i wish we’d gotten

[tinteacosplay]

To the rescue - short infinite husband fanfic

My idéa was simply to include a cute animal and see what would happen is if a cat choose Crowley the demon over Aziraphale the angel in a distressed situation in need of comfort. Lots of fluff!

“Hello kitty kitty-” Aziraphale cooed and sat down to try and level with the little kitten that seemed terrified. “What’s the matter little one? Is the traffic bothering you? Or have you lost your mother, here let me-”

the small cat jumps frightened a few steps away from the angel whom had lended out a friendly hand. Crowley watches from behind Aziraphale how the kitten’s eyes wonder from side to side and suddenly sets them on him. Before Crowley or Aziraphale could react, the little kitten had ran past Aziraphale and had jumped its way up Crowleys leg. 

“What? Hey now!” 

“Oh dear!” Aziraphale had spun around to follow the kittens movements and was just as surprised as the demon was to see where it’d gone in such a short time. The cat had in all heist clinged itself to Crowleys suit jacket and didn’t want to let go. Despite Crowley stiff body to the claws pressing into his skin, did a lazy try to remove the cat. Although he then had let it sink in how safe the cat felt compared to before, he quickly changed his hands to gently stroke it and support it from falling. What Aziraphale didn’t know was how much of a cat person Crowley actually was. Watching him pet the cat into a much calmer state the angel grew more fretful. 

“Oh Crowley, they seem to like you!” Aziraphale said standing up, not able to hide his slight jealousy. 

Crowley chruged it off, but there was a hint of a smile on his face as he looked at the kitten. 

Aziraphale liked to believe he was very good with all animals. Perhaps because angels were supposed to be, but he did like animals. He especially was found of pet animals such as cats, dogs, rabbits, birds and hamsters, and not to forget lizards and snakes. “You seem to like them too, dear.” 

“Meh” Crowley chruged again, but kept his focus on the cat, holding it correctly in his arms, scratching the cat both behind the ears and under its chin. Aziraphale could feel the cat vibrating from where he stood, it was very pleased indeed. The angel grimarsed. 

“Could I hold them a bit?...” 

“Oh yeah! Of course, here you go.”

Crowley stepped closer to Aziraphale and gestured the cat to move to the angels arms. But the cat really did not want to leave Crowley just yet. It did hurt Aziraphale, because when he tried to pet them it avoided his touch. That was enough to break a poor angels heart. 

Crowley did get slightly upset with the cat for bringing such sadness to his angels face. He could tell from how Aziraphale hunched back and tried to recover from it being ignored a second time. 

“Aziraphale...you know how bitchy cats can be” Crowley tried to comfort and at the same time removing the cats clawed paws out of his skin. “I guess you just have to try not take it personal, they are weird creatures, these cats. Do whatever they want, whenever they want! For no reason, really.” 

“Quite right.” Aziraphale said curtly, holding on to his hand as if it had been infected or in pain. Suddenly his expression switched drastically. “Well, to look at it on the bright side! This little kitten is no longer in distress and that’s wonderful!” 

The angel went about frailing his hands up, gesturing to get a move on with their strole around the neighborhood. Yet, Crowley still struggled to get the cat away from his chest. The mor ehe tried the more the cat stuck to him. 

“Angel, do I smell like a cat treat or something? This cat is stuck to me!” 

“Oh what misery!” Aziraphale joked, but the way he diliverd it, it felt more like a comeback. 

“Ngh, come on now, angel. I don’t want to miracle it away, and you probably don’t either!” Crowley wined, hating to admit he’s getting softer by the minute, all too the cute little fellow clinging to him like life was depended on it. He did have a soft spot for cats. They embodied all qualitys Crowley ever wanted to accomplich. The Entwürfe race of cat animals were the definition of being: cool, relaxed and chill.

Aziraphale, putting his jealousy aside did grin a little to the display, containing two of the most adoreble living creatures he could think of. He sighed and tried once more to first - get near the cat, and second, have a chance to touch the cat. This time he also had to indoure the cats claws hitting in his direction. The angel approached firmly and grabbed it by the waist with both hands and pulled gently. When the cats paws tried to attack the angel, Aziraphale striked and acidently dropped the cat in avoidning getting scrached in the face. In seconds the cat had ran off quicker than they both could blink, if they were in need of blinking so to speak. Leaving Aziraphale and Crowley speechless and quite shocked.

“Well, that was dramatic” Crowley said turing to face the angel who had one hand on his chest and mouth slightly parted. “did it hurt you, angel?” 

“Not the body it didn’t, but definetly my soul.” Aziraphale conplained sadly, fixing his own coat and collar to gather himself. 

“Sorry angel, next rescue animal might be nicer.”

“Let’s hope so. Oh! But look at you. The little beast left its hair all over your nice suit.” he exlaimed and started brushing off cat hairs from Crowleys suit jacket. Crowley blussed a bit behind his glasses, but decided to cheer the angel up by playfully purring at Aziraphale’s strokes.

“Stop that!” Aziraphale laughed, forming a cute blush on his round checks. He pushed Crowley slightly out of embarrassment but it only made Crowley’s grin winded.

“Dinner?”

“Oh I don’t know, it’s only noon.” Azirapahle squirmed, but appeared much happier by how he trailed his hands behind his back and was turning on the spot, thinking it over with the tiniest smile.

“Aaaand, dessert! I feel like dessert, my treat.” Crowley teased and leaned on one leg, knowing Aziraphale have never in 6000 years been able to resist such an offer.

“Oh! Alright. Charming~”

[quillomens]

I agree with the general consensus that there are definite differences between the book boys and the show boys as regards ineffable husbands, but to me they are exactly the same people in different circumstances  They are differentiated not by personalities, but by an intrinsic shift in their lives: the relationship they have with heaven and hell.  If you took book boys and had them live in the tv world from day one, tv boys are exactly who they would be, and vice versa.

It’s clear in the book that Heaven pays very little attention to Aziraphale.  He shows almost no concern about pissing heaven off beyond his desire to believe that heaven is good and therefore right - at least on the surface (”I have to do what I’m told!” he complains as he gets drunk with a demon yet again while hiding among his hoard in the back of a bookshop that has nothing to do with being an angel).  It’s more lip service than a deep belief, given how much time he spends hanging around with an openly building a friendship with a demon and how little time he appears to spend in the modern day actually doing his job.  In fact, the only interaction Aziraphale has with another angel in the book is Metatron, and that takes a lot of work.  No angels just pop in on him. Left to his own devices, Aziraphale has settled comfortably into who he is: soft, trying very hard to be and appear kind, but also a hoarder and a bit of a bitch.  He’s developed interests that are in no way associated with doing angelic work, and he enjoys and luxuriates in them guilt-free.

Book!Hell, meanwhile, is less predictable.  Sure, Crowley is mostly left to his own devices, but he also puts more emphasis on having a job to do, filing paperwork, an implication of meeting quotas.  You get a sense that, even if he’s not particularly respected by the average demon, he is of enough interest to keep an eye on, and that eye has definite expectations.  He deals with this by doing his job to a level of acceptability, but not to a level of genius that will bring notice he doesn’t want.  He’s smart, he’s cagey, he’d good at his job; he’s also jumpy from being surveilled, a bit at odds with his job (low level mayhem and clever schemes clearly amuse him, but he doesn’t want to be capital E Evil and that’s what he’s really MEANT to be, isn’t it?).  So you get this wonderful mishmash of who Crowley is and the human he pretends to be, much less settled in himself, but perfectly content with the fact that his best friend is a bitchy angel.  He’s curious and experimental in his own way. 

But TV!Heaven and Hell are completely different.  They watch.  They pay attention.  They threaten, they punish.  Where the book boys have been left more to their own devices, the tv boys live in constant fear.  This is especially true of Aziraphale; while I don’t personally see evidence that he is afraid of Falling, he is definitely afraid of being punished, and bullied, and of being wrong.  If he does exactly as heaven tells him (something Book Az appears to have wriggled out of by being ignored) and what they tell him is wrong, then he is a Bad Person.  And no Aziraphale wants to be a Bad Person.  TV Az does the same thing his book self does: creates a soft and approachable appearance.  But unlike book Az, TV Az always has to counter this with pretending to hate Crowley, with toeing the line, with living a secret, with constantly doubting himself, with bosses who are distressingly unpredictable but most definitely present.  Sure, he’s still a bitch deep down, but he isn’t FREE to show that.  And, in addition to that, it is VERY clear that he is in constant fear of what Hell will do to Crowley.  More than once, the fear he says aloud isn’t about him falling or even heaven’s punishments (they send strongly worded letters, after all, not death), it’s about the fact that hell will destroy Crowley.  And if his one friend is found out and punished with actual death, it will be his fault.  So he denies his feelings for what he sees as Crowley’s sake (and yes, out of fear for himself as well).

No wonder he’s a bit neurotic, anxious, etc.  Book!Az has found a place in the world that is quiet and has routine and is under his full control.  TV!Az doesn’t have that.

TV Crowley also has hell on his ass but, hey, he is GOOD at his job.  Someone clearly appreciates his work, since he delivers the antichrist.  He’s nervous about hell, yes, enough to ask for Holy Water from his best friend/love interest, but while Aziraphale deals with increased scrutiny by closing in on himself, Crowley deals with it by acting out.  Book Crowley is more cagey because he has more freedom to protect; Crowley puts on the act of the Really Damn Good Demon because it keeps him safe.  He sends memos about his genius.  He takes credit for things that disgust him.  But he’s also more aggressively himself: experimental with gender concepts’???/, not limited to human ideas (Book Crowley wants to appear to be a certain kind of human to fly under the radar; TV Crowley is aggressively himself to be untouchable), he likes black and his Bentley and screaming at his plants (though it is a darker sort of screaming, out of fear, and being kept at arm’s length, and being bad in the eyes of the being he loves), and big productions that create low level evil at a very wide level.

But while Crowley is acting out to make himself safe, Aziraphale keeps Crowley safe by closing in, and that’s what leads to the frustration and pining book boys don’t have to deal with.  Aziraphale has to say Crowley is bad, and Crowley lies, and Crowley is a demon, because if Hell (or Heaven, who would certainly tattle) found out they are friends, Crowley would be destroyed and Az would be punished.  But Crowley hears this, and he thinks, sometimes, that Aziraphale believes it, and where is the line between Crowley and The Demon Crowley?  Why can’t Aziraphale see it?

Book Boys have more freedom to be friends without constant fear, and so their friendship is a settled, old married sort of thing.  When they figure things out, it’s a realization, not a terror.

TV Boys are in constant danger, under scrutiny from uncaring bosses, and their friendship is literally the most dangerous thing in their lives (and yet they continue, because they Know, and they can’t give it up, and they are much more defiant and brave than they believe).  So when they figure things out, it’s terrifying, until their circumstances change, and they have freedom to be and find themselves. 

[asgardian--angels]

Some more Good Omens Book minutiae

There have already been some good posts highlighting trivia and changes between the book and show (a couple are here and here) so I thought I’d add in some more that might be useful and haven’t been overdone yet. Ones I think are most helpful are bolded!

Crowley can see in the dark (because he’s a demon, not because he’s a snake)

Crowley does eat (and notes that sleeping is enjoyable after a heavy meal), but on at least one canonical occasion Aziraphale takes Crowley’s portion of food for himself (angel food cake, to be exact, and he does it without needing to ask) so infer what you will about how we never see Crowley with food in the show

Crowley does read, or at the very least it mentions him attempting to calm his nerves by reading a novel

Aziraphale learned magic when he took a class in the 1870s taught by famous stage magician John Maskelyne

Aziraphale takes his tea without sugar

Crowley does not like to shapeshift, because he is afraid he’ll forget how to turn back 

It’s not terribly clear but somewhat implied that Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis were NOT Crowley and Aziraphale (they reference a ‘team’ working for them) but that the two did exchange and compare notes on Warlock’s progress frequently. So thank Neil and Co. for the screenplay choices. Additionally, Brother Francis never actually did any real gardening, he just miracled everything to look perfect

When Warlock was 6 years old, nanny and gardener left and were replaced by two tutors, Mr. Harrison (evil) and Mr. Cortese (good)

Aziraphale will employ any means “short of actual physical violence” to discourage customers in his bookshop, including unpleasant damp odors and glowering looks to anyone who walks in

That clunky watch Crowley wears was custom-made to have the time in 20 world capitals as well as the time in Hell, which was always “Too Late”, and whose battery burned out years ago but he never noticed so it kept working

In 1653 Aziraphale added his own annotations to the proof sheets of a Bible published by Bilton & Scaggs Publishing (the same as who published the Nice and Accurate Prophecies), adding a bit about losing his flaming sword (basically the dialogue in the scene of the series where God confronts him at the gate in episode 3), and is now known as the Bugger Alle This Bible, one of a special collection of misprinted Bibles Aziraphale is proud to own

Aziraphale does watch films. This includes one documentary about gorillas making nests. He also makes an Exorcist reference.

For 6000 years Aziraphale thought dolphins were fish

Crowley watched Mary Poppins on TV at Christmas one year

Aziraphale buys his clothes, while Crowley manifests them

Anathema refers to Crowley and Aziraphale as “two consenting cycle repairmen” :)

Anathema’s bicycle is named Phaeton

Aziraphale’s bookshop is situated directly next to another bookshop called ‘Intimate Books’ and he occasionally gets confused customers that wrongly come into his shop

Anathema is British, not American, in the book

Adam has an older sister named Sarah

Aziraphale is the first angel to own a computer

After the non-Armageddon, Adam alters reality to send Warlock on a plane to America, because Adam thinks America is a cool and magical place and that Warlock deserves something good. (We do not find out if Warlock’s life improves, only that he liked England because it was ‘a good place to be an American’)

Crowley was so impressed by how diabolically mundane the warranty conditions for computers were that he sent a stack of them down to Hell’s ‘Immortal Souls’ agreement department with a memo saying ‘Learn, guys’

When Crowley trapped Hastur on his answering machine, he considered taking the tape and playing it in his car until it became Freddie Mercury, but he decided even that was taking it too far

While NOT show canon, in the book the combination to Crowley’s safe containing the holy water is 4-0-0-4, the year he “slithered onto this stupid, marvellous planet” (Neil has stated that the combination in the show is meaningless and was the default for the safe they bought)

In the book, it does NOT expressly say that Crowley destroys the plants he deems failures, just that he leaves and returns an hour later with an empty flowerpot

Crowley’s flat contains a bedroom, office, kitchen, lounge, and bathroom, each “forever clean and perfect” because he doesn’t really “live” there, as well as a fridge stocked with gourmet food that never spoils and the fridge isn’t even plugged in

Shadwell believes that Aziraphale is a Russian spy

Crowley and Aziraphale had both visited Shadwell’s apartment exactly once (and Aziraphale was rather disgusted by the state of the place)

In the book (as opposed to the show) Aziraphale is full aware (and nonplussed) that there’s only a 50/50 chance Heaven would win against Hell in Armageddon, and that it doesn’t matter for humans so much anyways because everyone will be killed horribly as civilian casualties during the war itself (a hilarious and very bitchy speech absolutely worth reading, when he possesses Marvin the TV preacher)

The road to Hell isn’t paved with good intentions, rather with frozen door-to-door salesmen, and young demons go ice-skating down it on weekends

Madame Tracy’s real name is Marjorie Potts

Aziraphale has “neat, copperplate” handwriting

Crowley is an optimist

It turns out, Hastur’s murder of the telephone salespeople prevented a Crowley-esque domino effect of thousands of people getting angry from the calls and passing that anger on and on, thus actually spreading a wave of low-level goodness across London

In the book, the M25 wasn’t actually on fire, but rather an inexplicable glowing combination of “pain and dark light” called infra-black, and was both 700 degrees Celsius and -140 at the same time. The Bentley spontaneously combusted when crossing it.

When Crowley meets Aziraphale-as-Tracy, he does say ‘Is that you? Nice dress’ but the TV version added the ‘It suits you.’ However in the book he also says ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new body?’ :)))

When Adam acknowledges Crowley at the airbase, Crowley feels true terror for the first time in his life, because while Hell could make you cease to exist, the Antichrist could make it so you never existed in the first place

When Aziraphale makes the soldier disappear, he actually was transported back to his childhood home in America where his family lives

In the book, to get them both home from Tadfield Crowley steals a Jeep from the airbase

Crowley and Aziraphale are deadass just referred to as ‘the couple with the bottle [of wine]’ one time

There is no body swap scene at the end, because there didn’t need to be; in the book, the stakes of Aziraphale and Crowley’s Arrangement were not nearly as high. A big deal was never made of it, as they were too unimportant to warrant the attention of their superiors. Retribution never came. While they could get in trouble (and Crowley was threatened many times) for defying orders concerning the Apocalypse, little mention was made of their friendship being a crime. Thus, they never had any real reason to deny being friends, and were much more comfortable with their loyalties and each other. This lack of tension marks the biggest divergence between the series and book, and creates a starkly different (and interesting!) dynamic for the characters in the show.

Just me but I get the distinct sense that book Aziraphale and Crowley are already an old bickering married couple and this explains the distinct lack of pining lmao.

Anyway, I hope these were enjoyable or helpful!

[ineffably-good]

Prompt: Unexpected

It is day 3 of GOC2020 themes! Happy Good omens Anniversary month!

Summary: Aziraphale is the worst gardener in the history of the world. Somehow, Crowley is surprised by this. 

_________________________

“We have to find a way to get ourselves into the Dowling household,” Aziraphale said. “There must be some way to be integral in their day to day life, so we can affect events. Bend his development to our purposes.”

Crowley thought for a minute. “Well, they’ll probably need childcare,” he said. “We could be governesses.”

“We can’t both be governesses,” Aziraphale reproved. “Perhaps I could be the governess and you could be the groundskeeper or something.”

Something about this struck Crowley as dangerous. It wasn’t that Aziraphale wasn’t good with children; it was rather that he was a bit too good. Having him present every night as the child was going to bed and waking up and comforting him when he fell and nursing him when he was sick was likely to be just a bit too – angelic. The goal wasn’t to influence him completely to one side or the other, after all, but just to push and pull him enough in each direction so that he ended up walking a middle path. Not hellish, not heavenly – just human.

“No,” Crowley said. “I should be the governess. Or a nanny, rather. Governesses come later, when they’re older, and we aren’t talking about that kind of timeframe. We’ll create a gardener position for you.”

“But – I’m a terrible gardener!” Aziraphale complained.

“That’s why it’s so perfect!” Crowley said. “It’s completely unexpected. Heaven and Hell will never figure out what we’re up to.”

Aziraphale stared at him for a moment, unconvinced, but then shrugged. “I … I suppose I could read a few books on horticulture,” he said uncertainly.

That was as good as assent, in Crowley’s book. He got to work on making their plans a reality.

 --

The books on horticulture did not help. Aziraphale, for all of the fact that he’d been created to serve in the garden of gardens, continued to be one of the worst plant stewards in the world. He couldn’t bring himself to make the difficult, almost ruthless decisions required to keep a garden flourishing – he couldn’t cull the weaker plants, pull out the prettiest of the weeds, or ruthlessly cut things back the way he needed to. He wouldn’t willingly use chemicals that were sorely needed because he didn’t want to injure the bugs and wildlife. Under his care, the Dowling’s gardens became an overgrown, chaotic mess.

Nanny Ashtoreth was sitting in the kitchen with her two year old charge one morning, trying to encourage him to put food into his mouth instead of in his hair, when Mrs. Dowling stopped at the French doors in the kitchen and looked out.

“Do the azaleas look a bit overgrown to you?” she asked Nanny Ashtoreth. “And are the perennial beds supposed to be so brown? Honestly, I know he’s a friend of yours but I’m not sure this new gardener is working out. Perhaps I should call Janine and see who she uses…”

Nanny Ashtoreth grabbed a banana that was rapidly being squeezed into mush away from Warlock and handed him a small piece of toast in exchange. Warlock retaliated by smearing the residual banana mush directly into his hair while nanny was distracted.

“Oh,” she said, “I believe he’s trying a series of new techniques from Japan. It’s the latest thing, you let things grow a bit beyond their usual shape and size before you prune them and the roots are much stronger for it. And the brown bits are just the daffodils forming good roots for next year. He’ll be tying the old leaves up into neat bundles soon so they’re less obvious.”

Mrs. Dowling made a noncommittal noise and continued to peer worriedly out the door, so Crowley had no choice but to use a small miracle to smoothe away her worries and make the yard look perfect to her. But he made a mental note to go see Aziraphale as soon as he could and put the fear of – well, in this case, the fear of God into him about the job he was doing with the plants. It wouldn’t do at all for Aziraphale to get himself let go.

 --

After morning enrichment time, during which Nanny ostensibly played Mozart for the toddler but really read him a long and fascinating story about demonic possession, Nanny Ashtoreth frog marched the two of them out to the garden and tracked down the gardener.

Crowley plunked Warlock down in the grass, where he began tasting a pile of rocks, one by one. This was an activity that Crowley approved of, so he made no move to stop him.

“Aziraphale,” he hissed. “You’re going to get yourself sacked.” He looked around and gestured wildly. “Just look at this place!”

Aziraphale glanced around him, confused. “It’s not so bad!” he protested. “All the plants are very happy and there’s just a plethora of new leaf growth in all of them, and there’s a lovely set of new caterpillars who have just arrived, and the rabbits are populating nicely –”

“Those caterpillars are going to eat the roses to the ground, Aziraphale. They’re noxious pests!”

The angel bristled. “They’re God’s creatures, as much as anything else, and they are worthy of our –”

“Oh for Satan’s sake,” Crowley hissed, snapping his fingers and sending all of the caterpillars three estates over. “Mrs. Dowling was thinking about replacing you this morning. I smoothed things over, but I can’t manage that forever if you utterly refuse to do your job.”

“Well perhaps we should switch, then,” Aziraphale said with a touch of bitchiness. “You know this isn’t my area. I can’t be mean to innocent plants.”

No, Crowley thought. He couldn’t. He’d known it coming in, if he was honest with himself. He’d just hoped that perhaps the angel could bring himself to be a bit of a bastard to plant life. For the sake of the future of humanity, as it were. But apparently the angel couldn’t bring himself to yell at an iris or threaten an invertebrate even if the fragile peace between Heaven and Hell lay in the balance.

It shouldn’t be unexpected, he thought, but yet it was. He’d thought the angel could have set aside his scruples for the larger picture. After all it wasn’t like he had to actually yell at the plants. He had access to miracles and could make the garden a showy success in whatever manner he liked. But then again, he thought, doing so on a daily basis and using his angelic powers to keep it that way might attract the wrong sort of attention, so perhaps the angel was being prudent in keeping Heaven’s attention away from his efforts here.

Crowley heaved a deep sigh. “All right,” he said. “You take Warlock down into the hedge maze for a while and I’ll see what I can do to shore things up here, okay? I’m going to need at least a couple of hours to get the perennial beds cleared up. And don’t go ruining all of my work afterwards by telling all the plants how wonderful they look. It will just go to their heads.”

Aziraphale beamed at him in delight. “Oh thank you,” he said. “I do so greatly appreciate it, my dear.”

He scooped up Warlock, removed a number of rocks from his mouth, and headed off deeper into the property with him.

Crowley had the sinking sensation that this had all been some elaborate ruse to get the demon to do all of Aziraphale’s work for him. This, he thought, would not be unexpected at all.

He shrugged. The number of prunes he’d fed Warlock at breakfast should quickly provide him with quite an effective method of revenge on the angel. He planned to make himself quite difficult to find when that nappy had to be changed.

The angel would never see that one coming.

[mortuarybees]

What other mitski songs do you relate to aziraphale/crowley?

anon god bless you for this question and for asking it at 4:30 am. i don’t know what youve seen so im just gonna list all of them and you’re getting a paragraph for each. you have no idea what youve asked me for i have been spiraling into christian angelology and yelling headcanons into my chat with @femmeaziraphale​ while they sleep for hours and i am Full Of Feelings about them and, always, about mitski

I Want You - THE quintessential Crowley Yearning song. Aziraphale is literally in the bookshop and Crowley is literally in the car and bursting at the seams with how much he loves him and how much he wants to say it and all the reasons he can’t. // “You're coming back / And it's the end of the world / We're starting over / And I love you darling / And I am done, dear / You're in the house / And I am here in the car / I just need a quiet place / Where I can scream / How I love you.”

I Will - okay. okay. so the cosmic truth of the matter is that crowley is constantly putting on a brave face because he thinks he has to, and because what aziraphale needs, often, is for crowley to allow him to be soft in the way heaven won’t. but crowley needs a place to lay his head down and rest, and i am convinced and you cannot change my mind that while crowley has been making grand romantic gestures for six thousand years, when aziraphale finally gets it together and lets himself express the love he feels, he’s the one who knows how to reach out and show crowley love in the small and gentle ways he needs and deserves. // “I will take good care of you / Everything you’ll feel is good / If you would only let you / I will wash your hair at night / And dry it off with care / I will see your body bare / And still I will live here ; Stay with me / Hold my hand / There's no need / To be brave / And while you sleep / I'll be scared / So by the time you wake / I'll be brave.”

Strawberry Blond - it‘s so them that i wrote a whole goddamn fic bc it made me so wild. They both love humanity, they love the world, and they love each other most of all, and so much of that love of Earth is tied up in what they get to experience with each other on it. and also, obviously, they are pining after each other for three whole millennia. They picture it soft, and they ache!!! // “I love everybody / Because I love you / I don't need the city, and I / Don't need proof / All I need, darling / Is a life in your shape / I picture it soft, / And I ache.”

Me and My Husband - does it need to be said? They’re sticking together, in this lifetime and every other. They bet everything--literally, everything--on each other. They both feel inadequate wherever they are; not a very good angel and not a very good demon, and neither of them entirely human. In Heaven or Hell, they are the idiot with the painted face in the corner taking up space, but with each other, they are loved, they are loved. “It's always been just him and me / Together / So I bet all I have on that / Furrowed brow / And at least in this lifetime / We're sticking together / Me and my husband.”

Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart - The Aziraphale Realization Song. Crowley waited six thousand years for Aziraphale to throw over Heaven, and come. Internalized homophobia Emotional abuse Brainwashing is a hell of a drug, but I truly believe that Aziraphale has been in love since the beginning, and he’s been cultivating that love for six thousand years waiting for the moment he could show it. // “There's nobody better than you / It took me a while till I knew / But you knew from the start it was us, didn't you? / It just took me a while till I knew / Now I lay as I study a blank wall / Would you spare me your voice if I call? / 'Cause you waited and watered my heart till it grew.”

Two Slow Dancers - two slow dancers is fundamentally about mortality and the passage of time, but in another, much realer sense, it’s about how Aziraphale and Crowley come together and go apart over six thousand years. They meet, and they remember suddenly every moment that came before, and then they have to part again. But they always return and return again because they are just two slow dancers! The last ones out! // “It's funny how you always remember / And we've both done it all a hundred times before / It's funny how I still forget ; But as it is and it is / We're just two slow dancers, last ones out / We're two slow dancers, last ones out.”

Pink in the Night - okay like it’s literally about someone so in love that they’re glowing with it and does that not describe every single expression they have when they look at each other. This song feels particularly ‘that trope where Aziraphale and Crowley kiss, but because they are incapable of communicating like normal people they agree that it was a mistake or they’re drunk and pretend they don’t remember it and ignore it for centuries convinced that it meant nothing to the other.’ This is the whole damn song. // “I glow pink in the night in my room / I've been blossoming alone over you / And I hear my heart breaking tonight / Do you hear it too? / It's like a summer shower / With every drop of rain singing / "I love you, I love you, I love you” / I could stare at your back all day / And I know I've kissed you before, but / I didn't do it right / Can I try again, try again, try again / And again, and again, and again? 

Washing Machine Heart - Crowley is extremely ‘you want to perform valiant deeds to earn his admiration, to save him from certain death, to die for him, to die in his arms like a Spartan, kissed once on the lips.’ Crowley has been desperately in love for six thousand years and aware of every moment of it, and he is also very dramatic, and he is also very much under the impression that Aziraphale is in some way deluded about him, that he’s pretending that Crowley is someone he isn’t--that face he makes when Aziraphale says he forgives him even after he says he’s unforgivable by nature, how angry he gets when Aziraphale calls him nice. // “Baby, will you kiss me already, and / Toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart / Baby, bang it up inside. / Baby, though I've closed my eyes / I know who you pretend I am.”

Francis Forever - I think it’s very obvious that Aziraphale is most comfortable--only truly comfortable--when he’s with Crowley. He is enthusiastic and expressive with Crowley or talking about Crowley in a way he really isn’t with anyone else, and he’s fussy and bitchy with him in a way he isn’t with anyone else either because he’s comfortable showing the less pleasant parts of himself (of course, in both cases, when he’s under stress, he lets a bit more of himself through). And of course, Crowley doesn’t much care with God, or Hell, or humanity thinks about him, but he very much does care about what Aziraphale thinks of him. I think in both of their cases, they don’t really need the world to see them: they need someone to see them as they truly are, all their good parts and bad, and accept them for it, and love them for it. They don’t need the world’s approval, they just need to be known. “I don't know what to do without you / I don't know where to put my hands / I've been trying to lay my head down / But I'm writing this at 3 AM / I don't need the world to see / That I've been the best I can be, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me.”

It is now almost six am and there is a hellacious storm outside and the power has surged twice while i was writing this and i am absolutely wild!!