#I barely even had to TRY to come up with these goobers off the top of my head

[nightlyrequiem]

Personal Assistance

Cross posted from AO3

Leading a non-descriptive dubiously legal business is stressful. It's your duty as Valeria's personal assistant to provide some much-needed relief.

A/N: I feel like an absolute goober writing smut. I also think this was my first attempt at it.

Tags/Warnings: Cunnilingus, Boss/Employee relationship, WLW, Graphic violence, Sexual content

Running a cartel is hard. Not that you'd know, but you've been assisting someone who does for a little over a year now. Helping a drug lord was not your first choice in career. Or your second. It wasn't even a runner up, but it pays more than the other jobs you've had. It doesn't hurt that your boss is Valeria.

Thud.

Valeria yells as she shoves someone - you think his name is Pablo, into one of the stone walls of the basement. You think you can hear the sound of the breath being driven out of his lungs. He does kind of deserve this. He was caught selling trade routes to some lowly street gang. As if they'd have a chance against a cartel. Against El Sin Nombre. He knew better.

Thud.

It's not like Valeria is a particularly weak woman, but it still Suprises you how effortlessly she can just toss around a grown man twice her size. It's impressive, maybe even hot. She rages like a rabid animal. Baring her teeth and snarling threats. Her face is dotted with a few scarlet splatters.

Thud.

She slams his head into a wall aggressively and you hear the delicate sound of teeth clattering to the ground. You cringe. You think he may be crying. He's certainly making noises that sound similar to it. There are two men here as well. Deigo and some scrawny guy you never learned the name of. Deigo watches impassively and the other one watches with a jittery excitement you don't like.

Sure, you find it a little attractive when she gets violent, but you don't enjoy watching people get hurt. You do enjoy the way her back muscles look in that tank top though. Pining, or lusting, (you really haven't figured it out yet.) is not a good idea. Not under normal circumstances and certainly not under...these ones. But how can you not? She has a strong personality. She's brave, intelligent, hardworking, ambitious, and very, very attractive.

The man goes down and doesn't move again. That doesn't stop Valeria from angrily kicking at his body. She curses at it with vitriol, then turns to Deigo and the twitching scarecrow of a man.

"Clean this up." She hisses. Clearly still very worked up. Sometimes beating a man to unconsciousness or death just isn't enough. Sometimes the rage is buried too deeply beneath the skin to ever be fully released.

Deigo starts ordering the man around while Valeria turns and storms towards the door. You wrinkle your nose as it's assaulted with the stench of Iron and ammonia. You jump slightly when Valeria barks your name from the doorway.

"Stop standing there and follow." She grits out. Not wanting to piss her off further you follow her out of the interrogation room. It's your least favourite room in Deigo's home. You hate the whole basement, but especially the interrogation room. The rest of Diego's home is furnished and beautifully decorated. Not that damned interrogation room. It makes sense, you reason, you don't want the people you're torturing to feel comfortable.

The ride up is incredibly uncomfortable. You can just feel the simmering rage burning Valeria. You half-expect her to turn her fury on you. You can almost feel the phantom pain of getting your head slammed into the wall. Feel the rattle of your brain in your skull. The pain never comes though. Valeria does a very good job of keeping her hands to herself. And why wouldn't she? You always do your job well. You're loyal. A good assistant ready to do whatever she asks of you.

Your skin prickles and you angle your head to look at her subtly. She's already staring at you. Not at your face though. Her eyes seem to be caught on your chest. You look away. Feeling nervous and giddy as you try to explain it away mentally. She just so happened to zone out while looking at your chest. She's not checking you out. You aren't very good at convincing yourself. Not when you want her to be checking you out.

There's a small rustling of clothing as she shifts, and you know she's going to speak before she does.

"It doesn't matter how feared you become," She mutters. "There's always someone out there who thinks they're smarter than you." You don't know if she's actually speaking to you or just talking to herself, but you decide to play it safe and answer anyway.

"You'd think people would learn to not go against you," You'd love to be against her. "I mean, you've made examples out of everyone who has."

It's not even enough for her to just kill them. She doesn't bother with recording the executions and posting it online. No, she likes to display them.

Valeria just scoffs. "That's not enough, and it never will be." She sounds frustrated.

"There will always be greedy and stupid people, doesn't matter how much fear you put into them." You reply. "If there weren't, you wouldn't have any customers or employees." Valeria seems to consider your words.

'I suppose so, but I wish they could be stupid in ways that don't inconvenience me." She mutters.

The elevator stops and Valeria walks out with you not far behind. She storms into an office and you follow suit. You close the door and stand in front of it while Valeria goes up to the window. Staring out at the city in the distance. You can feel a tension in the air so thick that it settles on your skin like sweat. There are a few lamps turned on throughout the room. Casting it in a warm, homey glow. honeying Valeria's tan skin. She's so beautiful. It makes you want to start chewing on the desk before you.

She sighs and turns. You pretend you weren't just staring at her. Though with how intensely you were, you're sure she could feel it. Valeria sits down on the chair behind the desk and looks over the few loose papers strewn about. You make a mental note to broach the subject of finding a main base of sorts. Just so that she - and you don't have to go back and forth between her home and Diego's.

She looks up from the papers. Looks up at you. Her eyes are half-lidded, and her hair is a little mussed and you defiantly aren't at fault for the blooming wetness between your thighs.

"I'm stressed." She states. Her voice low and a little raspy. You know she's stressed. She makes it incredibly obvious. Most of her feelings are incredibly obvious. All the negative, violent ones are anyway. She blinks at you expectantly and you realize she wants a response. You can think of a few ways to help her relive some of that stress.

You aren't ballsy enough to offer any of those solutions though.

"...Do you want a drink?" You offer. She shakes her head. There's a look in her eye that you've seen a few times before.

"Come here." Something about this interaction feels different to the others. You find that you don't mind. Not at all. You always do as you're told, and this time is no different. You slowly walk over to her. Standing at her side. Valeria reaches out and puts a firm hand on your shoulder, pushing you down to your knees. Your heart thumps erratically with excitement. You think you know where this is going.

"Always so good for me." She murmurs. She turns in the chair and spreads her legs ever so slightly. You feel a little dizzy. "You'll help me out, won't you?" You don't think you can speak right now so you nod instead. Her mouth twitches but she doesn't say anything. She just leans back and looks at you.

You tense your thighs to try and provide the barest amount of friction. This isn't about you though. This is about the woman in front of you. You jerkily reach up and grasp her knees. You unhurriedly drag your hands towards her belt. You want this to last. This might be the only time you get to do something so special. You undo her belt and glance up her for approval. She stares back at you, expressionless. You feel a little insecure as you unzip her jeans and start tugging them down. What if you don't do well? It can't be that hard to eat pussy, surely.

Her pants are down to her ankles, and you're greeted with the second most beautiful thing you've seen. Her cunt is hiding behind plain cotton underwear. Like a gift just for you to unwrap. You're delighted to see a little wet spot already forming. You tenderly pull her panties down and you find that you were wrong. The second most beautiful thing is actually her bare core four inches away from your face. You shift so that your heal is pressing against your crotch, providing some desperately needed friction. You glance up at her again before lowering your head down.

You take a deep breath and take in her scent. You wish you could bottle it up and use it as perfume. Valeria's thighs tense slightly when you grab ahold of them. You take one last admiring look before closing the distance between you and your gift. You dab at her clit with your tongue and feel her relax. Encouraged, you add more pressure. Lapping at her like a thirsty bitch in heat. Her breathing gets heavier, and you remove a hand from her thigh. You trace two fingers along her entrance. Gathering up the wetness. You lick at her, tasting her directly from the source.

She tastes heavenly and you decide that if you were to die tomorrow, you'd die a happy woman. You rock against your heal as you return your mouth to her clit. She's wet enough for you to add a finger and she lets loose a low, short moan. A jolt of pleasure shoots through you at the sound. You set a good pace and soon add another finger. You pump them into her and feel her clench around them. There's a sudden pressure on the back of your head before your face gets shoved right against her pelvis.

"Good girl." She pants. Grinding against your face. "Good girl." You pick up the pace and feel yourself throb. You latch onto her and circle your tongue around her clit. Just the auditory stimulation is almost enough to make you cum. She doesn't bother with trying to keep quiet. The people in the basement can probably hear her, but if she doesn't care then neither do you. Her entrance squelches as you push your fingers into her, you find that gummy spot inside of her curl your fingers.

She stiffens. "Yes, yes, like that, just like that!" Her breathy words devolve into breathy mumbles of your name. You've never heard her sound like this. You already had a thing for her voice, and this is definitely helping. A keening whine builds up in her throat and her thighs suddenly snap close around your head, locking you in place. She sits rigid with you face in her cunt. You feel her pulse around your fingers. She finally goes limp and you reluctantly pull away. Your chin and lips glisten with her release. You pull your fingers out of her and eye the thin, wet strings attaching your index and middle finger. You look at her to make sure she isn't looking before popping them in your mouth. The taste is a little tainted by the saltiness of your skin, but you can still taste her.

The hand in your hair gives a small tug and you look up at her. The post-orgasmic look on her fcae burns itself into your memory. She gives you another tug.

"Up." She says. Her voice is raspy. You get off your knees and stand. Wincing at the sharp ache that attacks them as soon as you straighten your legs. She pulls you into her lap and rests her face in the crook of your neck. You relax against her. Feeling her warm breath ghost over your skin.

[markscherz]

what's the stupidest/silliest looking frog you know of?

Oh

heck

that's

such

a

great

question

where

do

I

even

start?

[In order of appearance: Glyphoglossus molossus, Myobatrachus gouldii, Choerophryne proboscidea, Nasikabatrachus sahyadrensis, Pipa pipa, Litoria pinocchio, Triprion petasatus, Synapturanus danta, Breviceps verrucosus, Notaden bennettii, Hemisus guttatus, Hemiphractus bubalus]

[natewriteslol]

Hey! Could i request the dorm leaders with an esper MC? Kinda like Mob psycho or Saiki k :) and maybe they don't really use this ability of theirs that much since in their world they're literally a teen who's trying to live a normal life(like Mob basically), so nobody knew about their psychic powers except Grim since the mirror said that he couldnt sense any magic in them(i'm pretty sure that psychic powers don't really count as magic but idk lol).

Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna write it! :)

 A/N: Ooh this was a fun one! I haven't watched Mob Psycho (I know about that fine ass blonde man-) but I have watched Saiki k and I loved it, still need to finish it tho jlafljhdas 

Characters: Kalim Al-Asim, Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Vil Schoenheit, Azul Ashengrotto, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia

P.S: I’m so sorry this is so long omg but I guess this is a strong comeback-

Warnings: none except for language

Riddle:

-You wanted to stay as far away as possible from him

-Riddle was part of the trio of people you wanted to stay away from: Riddle, Vil, and Azul

-Riddle paid so much attention to fine details that if something was up, he'd definitely notice it

-But unfortunately you were best friends with the two goobers of Heartslabyul: Ace and Deuce

-And Riddle had started to pay attention to you and your habits, and something was off with you

-It's almost as though you tried too hard to be normal, like Jamil

-And he could never let something like that happen again, so yes he was watching you

-One day you accidently slipped up and was irresponsible with your powers

-Grim was bothering you since he got into a deal with Azul for tuna and they were standing outside with the twins, since Grim lost

-You told him to fend for himself and teleported, however you didn’t plan where you would go

-And you teleported into the Heartslabyul dorm

-What sucks is that your teleportation power was literally flashy with a bright ass green light every time you popped in somewhere

-Just when you thought you were lucky since the whole dorm was uninhabited...except for Riddle who watched the whole thing

-He was completely shocked, he didn’t know what to say other than “What did you just do?!” 

-You explained to him, and that just pieced everything together

-How you solved overblots with such ease, and that one day you had a “strength potion to test for Azul” was such bs!

-Riddle ends up keeping your secret, since he values your privacy but if you do something major and mess up then he will tell!

-”I understand but please be more careful with your powers. I need to institute discipline and you are no exception, Y/N.”

-He really does care about you and doesn’t want you to be found out 

-Goes the extra mile to cover for you often, and in exchange you help him out with things :)

Leona:

-He didn't really care about you at first but as you started to hang Jack and Ruggie, Leona started to get more suspicious

-Your scent had proven that you had some trace of magic, but Leona just couldn't put his finger on it

-So he sent Ruggie after you for a couple of days

-If you were a threat to Savanaclaw, Leona would crush you

-But Ruggie had only reported back that everything with you was perfectly normal

-"Just give it up Leona, they're just an ordinary human. The scent is probably weird because they're from a completely different world."

-But Leona still had that feeling, so he was keeping an eye on you

-You had made a deal with Crowley to keep your powers secret to solve problems on campus (it did cut repair costs and handymen costs in half so-)

-Your new quest was to rid the forest of the Angolo fungus that was manifesting into living fungus blobs 

-The one thing that gave you away was Grim, as you both had to stop by the Greenhouse to read some info about the fungus

-The cat beast was being far too loud, not understanding why he had to go and mess around with the icky fungus

-You simply replied “It’ll be quick, I’ll just use Hydrokinesis and dry out the fungus since they’re mainly filled with water. They become fertilizer once dried so we can just leave them there.”

-And there Leona was, ears perked up once he heard your voice

-Hydrokinesis? What are you talking about?

-So he set off, following you to the forest

-You started to fly, turning the once green and lively fungus to brown dust while Grim napped against a tree

-Leona for the first time in the while, was left speechless

-Once you noticed him, you realized you had to talk to him

-Confronting him later on, luckily Leona didn’t spill to anyone 

-He promised to never tell anyone about what he saw, and had no clapbacks for what you had to say 

- Leona doesn’t even benefit from this secret...besides mayyybee one day asking for your help if his pride lets him

-By the Great Seven why does everything have to not be in his favor-

Azul:

-Another one who you have got to be careful around, since he’s incredibly observant

-More observant than Riddle

-Azul noticed that you’re an incredibly average person, and were incredibly relaxed even during the most stressful situations

-And almost every single time whenever you were in a tight spot, it works in your favor

-Just how is that possible? Solving overblots left and right? Every single time you disappeared the infestation of magical beasts are gone? 

-One day, you were getting picked on by a three guys, their stature far above yours and incredibly strong. How could you possibly win?

-Just as he was about to scoop in a save you, you slammed one of the men into the concrete, taking on the other two by electrocuting them, the blue lightning buzzing in your palms

-They were completely knocked out, dusting off your palms and picking up your things only to face Azul’s eyes

-After giving an explanation of what that was, he was still speechless

-Azul at first was incredibly shocked and then since Azul is Azul... later on realized this had benefits

-He could just blackmail you to be his new bodyguard!

-Oh how he always manages to bend life to his will-!

-So you could just wipe his memory... or turn him into stone...nvm

-You’re now Azul’s arch nemesis since you end up saving people from his scamming and you’re basically untouchable and there’s nothing he can do about it

-But he does find your great strength admirable (and a lil hot, I mean what can u say seeing someone floating in the air with electricity flowing through them is a nice look okay Nate shut up)

Kalim: 

-Oh Kalim my beloved

-He just thinks that you’re incredibly talented and a little mysterious

-You have your little quirks and he has his! Who is he to judge?

-Until one day you wanted to make the load lighter on Jamil, since the berries that Kalim had requested for were only in season in one country

-You decided to just teleport and then come back with the berries so Kalim wouldn’t be pouty 

-You were outside the door ready to teleport when last minute you felt a hand on your shoulder

- “Oh Y/N you forgot-!”

-And there both you and Kalim were, in a berry field thousands of miles away from the Scarabia dorm

-Kalim screams, falling to the lush green of the field

-What happened?! Where are we?! How did you do that?!

-You quickly gathered all the berries at light speed, making sure that you got back before Jamil realized that you were gone

-Kalim wasn’t scared of you, rather impressed that you were able to keep a secret for that long, he could never!

-You’re already super cool, and on top of this you have otherwordly powers!

- “It must’ve been stressful living your life like this! But don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret!”

-Yes he sometimes asks you to perform some of your powers for him, sorry Y/N-

Vil:

-While you were his friend, he was incredibly suspicious of you

-Even though you wiped everyone’s memory, he still had the faint memory of when he was in overblot mode of you blasting him with a beam of light

-Vil was incredibly upset as one of his assistants had mixed up his items, and left one of his vital skincare items on the set of where they were filming a new commercial

-It was being shipped and would take 3 days to reach NRC

-His mood was horrible and you had to do something about it to give grace to the Pomefiore dorm

-So you went to the second story of the Pomefiore dorm, ready to use Apport (the power to pull anything before you) 

-However, Vil felt incredibly guilty

-He was acting like a child and he shouldn’t have taken it out on the people who he loves and values

- “Y/N, how I was acting was incredibly inappropriate and- is that my moisturizer? How did you get it?”

-Starts freaking out as this was impossible as it was on it’s way from being shipped from another country

-This was the last straw for him ther was no justification for this that wasn't done by some form of magic

-He takes you to his room to make you sit down and give him an explanation for this

-Once you finished, Vil understood but was still freaked out

-He cares alot about keeping your powers a secret and will cover for you

-"So my aport powers need to exchange something of equal value so... I exchanged it with that Scucci purse over there-

-"MY LIMITED EDITION SCUCCI PURSE?!"

-He loves you, but you're dead to him, Y/N dear

Idia:

-Before he knew you, he didn't really notice anything off with you

-A little quiet sure but he minded his own business, he had bigger things to focus on

-Until you hung around Ignihyde more often for a project, fixing a huge generator by yourself for one of your partners for a project

-They took a break only after you told them that they could and apprehensive went to go get food and water

-Anyone with eyes could see that there's an overbearing amount of energy flowing through the fairly large sized cube

-Wait, you were wearing no gloves, you could get electrocuted! Why would have your bare hands on something like that?!

-Just as he was able to yell, it was too late, your whole body was flowing with the bright blue energy... and then you let go

-You were walking completely fine, you went and held a random wire on the ground, placing the electricity inside

-The static from your hair was gone, and you looked completely normal. . .

-Just what the hell are you?

-He did hours of research trying to figure you out, even sending Ortho to monitor you

-Yet there was nothing, you were just a “regular teen” 

-Was ready to get S.T.Y.X.S on your ass- (is that too soon to joke abt my bad overblot boys-)

-Until one day he caught you again bending electricity to your will

-Is incredibly impressed with your power (lowkey wanting to experiment on you)

-After he realizes that you can read minds Idia is so damn frightened

- “O-Okay I promise not to say anything, just don’t tell anyone what I’m thinking a-alright?!”

Malleus:

-You were one of the only people who he trusted

-Malleus had always detected some form of magical aura that was otherworldly from you and it never seemed to fade

-And it wasn’t often, but it was almost like you knew what he was thinking

-Whenever he was deeply upset he felt a twinge of energy from you, and then you would insist and help him out with his problems

-And he flat out says “Are you reading my mind, Y/N?”

-You had never been directly outed like this before, you felt horrible 

-You never read people’s minds unless it was very necessary

-whenever Malleus felt deeply gloomy you felt like it was important to just read his mind and help him with the problem

-You explained it to him and apologized, but he wasn’t upset

-In fact, he was smiling?

- “It seems like we have alot of things that we’re hiding from each other. But... you always had the best intentions whenever you used your abilities”

-He let out a sigh and reluctantly admitted, “And, I know that I’m quite stubborn with revealing my feelings.” 

- “I will keep your secret as long as you keep mine, Child of Man,” the dragon fae said, you both shaking on it

- “I always had a feeling that you were special, but I never thought it would be something of this caliber...” 

[lonely-lost-soul]

Under the Floorboards (Pt. VI)

(Technoblade X Reader) Pt. I, Pt. II, Pt. III, Pt. IIII, Pt. V, Pt. VI, Pt. VII

    You had barely gotten any sleep that night, it was a shitty time to not sleep but you couldn’t control insomnia. Most nights it was Techno who was the insomniac, he would spend hours laying awake just staring at you waiting for the voices to quiet down for the night. He was in awe of your beauty and grace, and the nighttime moonlight only ever enhanced those features. You couldn’t help but understand what he was talking about as you stared at his features in the moonlight darkness of your room. His hair was out of its typical braid and framed his head like a pink halo, you felt his arms tighten around your waist as you tucked his hair behind his ear. The tension in his brow released feeling your touch brush against his skin and you smiled adoringly at the sight. His nose nuzzles up against your neck and your smile split into a wide grin, god he was so soft. You felt his fingers spread out against the small of your back and pull you flush against him, his breathing changed and you frowned. 

You didn’t expect anything less than the blood god to be a light sleeper. He always needed to be on his feet, ready for any attack. 

   “I didn’t mean to wake you,” your voice was barely above a whisper and he made a tired noise of confirmation. 

   “It’s okay,” He yawned and it echoed across the walls of the house like a lion’s roar. “It’s rare when you can’t sleep, what’s on your mind?” Technoblade shifted a little so he could get a good look at you in his arms, he could never get over how small you were in comparison to him. You flipped on your back much to his displeasure and dragged your hands down your face; a sigh came from your nose before you answered,

   “Thinking about tomorrow is all. Just nervous, typical stuff I think, I don’t trust Dream fully. He gives me bad vibes.” You said honestly, your (e/c) eyes staring up at the ceiling even from the angle Techno was looking at you he could tell they were sad. God, he wasn’t good at comforting people things like this made him feel like such a shitty person. 

   “I don’t trust him either. But, we have mutual goals and a mutual understanding both of which are hard to come by.” He explained briefly looking thoughtful, “the bottom line is this needs to happen. I don’t want you to worry because Phil and I will have your back no matter what, we look out for each other.” You flopped on top of him and he let out a grunt of displeasure,

   “I’m worried about you dummy.” 

   “Technoblade never dies baby what are you on about?” He let out a laugh as you rested your elbows on his chest, his hands found themselves on your back holding you close. He watched you roll your eyes dramatically and pinch at his ears, he clicked his tongue at you. “Keep pinching my ears like that and we’re gonna have to fight it out,” his lips twitched into a fond smile as you sat upon his hips holding up your fists. 

   “Then let’s fight cause I’m not gonna stop. They’re just too pinchable big guy. Your little piglin features are precious and I’m gonna dote over them.” His face burned red and he groaned loudly, his head landing against the pillows with a thump. 

   “It’s just the ears, teeth, and the height. You’re being gross.” 

   “Fuck you I’m being romantic.” 

   “Which is gross and cringe if you didn’t know.” 

   “Fine then I guess you won’t be getting any kisses from me for a long while.” 

   “Now hold on a minute let's talk about this like adults,” You laughed loudly and smirked at Techno’s attempts to keep cool about the situation. You leaned down and peppered his face with light kisses, he hummed pleasantly at the sensation. 

   “I’ll let it slide this time but watch your words.” Techno gave a sleepy nod of his head, and you smiled tenderly at the man. You shuffled around and curled up against his side, he adjusted himself to hold you close, “I love you Techno.” 

   “Love you too princess.” He pecked your forehead before he closed his eyes and fell back into a light sleep. You took a deep breath and buried your face in his chest listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart, this time however you weren’t far behind him.

~~~

Technoblade was up as soon as the sun rose over the hills and spilled into your bedroom. He made sure to maneuver around you so that he wouldn’t wake you as soon as he sat up in bed. He stretched his arms behind his back until he heard the satisfying pop of his bones, he scratched at his head and tousled his pink hair. Techno wanted an early start, make sure everything they needed for the day was prepared and ready to go, he needed to brew a shit ton of potions. He also needed to make sure you had an appropriate set of armor, that’s not even mentioning the Withers he needed to gather. A lot to do and so little time to get it all done, he wanted to let you sleep as much as possible considering you didn’t sleep last night. He slid out of bed and grabbed his hairbrush, one thing he could attribute to meeting you was his hygiene habits. Techno always used to keep his hair in a braid and never touch it, it wasn’t until you had first run your hands through his hair that he realized how much of a problem that was. You were very nice about it but he could tell you were trying not to gag when he told you he couldn’t remember the last time it was unbraided. You assured him that was going to change and helped him nurse his hair back to life, whatever you did it was magical. His hair was just as soft as yours, healthy and shiny he couldn’t let you down by not taking care of it. However, since he was going into battle he threw his hair into a quick braid letting it fall over his shoulder before he majestically sat his crown on top of his head. 

Technoblade stared at himself in the mirror and traced his rough hands over the scars on his face and neck, he had no idea what the fuck you saw in him. Honestly, who cares though because by some miracle you love him for him and that’s all that matters. Technoblade continued to get dressed for the day and only stopped when you began to stir under the covers. He watched you sit up and give the cutest yawn he’s ever heard in his life his eyes softened considerably seeing you look around hazily for him. Spotting him you opened your arms and made grabby hands, he let out a deep chuckle and wrapped his arms around you. 

‘Simp. Stop spamming simp. He is a simp though, look at him melt. Shut up.’ 

   “Chat shut it...Morning Princess,” He kissed your lips softly and he felt you lazily kiss him back, still sluggish from sleep. 

   “Morning Bubs. Why didn’t you wake me up?” You complained from his arms only pulling away to look him in the eyes. He always thought you had the most gorgeous eyes, why was he feeling so lovey-dovey today? 

‘Cause, you could lose her today. Her lives are unknown. What if she only has one like Phil and has no idea and she dies? E.’ 

Those thoughts and ideas chilled him to the bone he swallowed thickly, “You sure I can’t change your mind about today?” He watched your brow furrow and you kissed your teeth,

   “No way. Till the end of the line remember?”

   “Oh, I remember. In that case,” Technoblade pulled you to your feet much to your surprise, “You come back to me uninjured, we get married.” He watched your jaw drop and your eyes widen to insane sizes. “If you want obviously, no pressure.” 

‘WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. AWWWWW SO ROMANTIC! SIMP. SHE’S GOING TO SAY NO. LOSER. CRINGE. GUYS STOP HE’S BEING SWEET!’ 

He felt panic surge through him when you didn’t respond to him for a good few minutes, oh he fucked up. Technoblade never dies, more like Technoblade’s about to throw himself into lava three fucking times. 

   “Yes! Holy shit yes you idiot! Damn now that’s some motivation!” You laughed in disbelief and you bounced on your toes. Technoblade let out a breath of relief, he took a risk and it paid off, he was Technoblade after all so of course, it did. He wasn’t worried at all. You grabbed the fluff of his cape and pulled him down to kiss him passionately, his hands grabbed your hips and lifted you into the air. He knew it wasn’t official yet, as he said you had to come back okay, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t celebrate at least a little bit early. He kissed down your face and listened as you giggled, he could tell your face was turning red by its heat, “Okay goober we gotta get ready. There are crimes we gotta commit and I still need to shower.”  

   “Nonsense you smell like lavender and’ all that other girly stuff.” Technoblade scoffed but pulled away as you requested. A smile fell across your face and he felt you poke his nose fondly, “I’ll be gathering potion materials, if you need me just holler.” On that note, he headed down the ladder to gather what he needed for the day. Phil would probably be joining momentarily and he’d put him on potion making duty and also give him a totem of undying. His stomach churned a little as he placed water bottles inside the brewing stands, his singular totem of undying. 

He had already decided he’d give it to Phil, if he didn’t he felt like it would be a betrayal of all the man had done for him in the past. 

Technoblade turned towards the window and saw Phil approaching his home from the sky, he opened the window and gave him a little wave. Phil smiled back at him and climbed the stairs to get inside the house, “Hello. Are you both ready for today?” Phil looked around seemingly trying to spot you, Technoblade pointed upstairs and he nodded in understanding. 

   “I wouldn’t say we’re ready exactly.” He let out a huff, “I’m trying to make triple the potions before Dream gets here, plus I wanna make sure (Y/N)’s weapons and armor are enchanted properly.” Phil hummed thoughtfully opening up some of Technoblade’s chests, only mentally gagging at the disorganization. 

   “I got your back brewing the potions, go double-check everything’s ready for (Y/N), I know you worry ‘bout her mate.” Techno had to turn away because he felt heat flare in his face, he heard Phil begin to snicker and he glowered. 

   “Imagine thinking I care about others, cringe.” 

   “Oh really? I’ll just go tell (Y/N) that then-”

   “Eh? No need to do that. I don’t appreciate being framed. Anyway, potions Phil, potions you need to focus on what’s important here.” Another laugh came from Phil as he rolled his eyes fondly at his friend. 

   “On it Techno.” 

Both men got to work brewing potions and double-checking weaponry, not just for you but for all of them. Well, all of you minus Dream the homeless man can fend for himself. In the meantime, Technoblade gave Phil his totem of undying just in case today went fucking wrong. 

   “Alright boys, what do you need me to do?” You announced climbing down the ladder, you had made sure your hair was out of the way so it wouldn’t be a distraction. Technoblade smiled as he watched the emerald he gave you those months ago bounce against your neck. 

   “Go make sure you have enough ender pearls and exp bottles for your armor. Is all your armor enchanted properly?” 

   “Obviously,” You rolled your eyes dramatically “as if you’d ever let me get away with subpar armor.” Technoblade held up his hands in defensively, 

   “Just making sure. You can’t blame me for wanting you protected.” 

   “Daw.”

   “Shut up Phil.” Technoblade watched a smile form across your face as you covered your mouth with your hand. He was just happy you were laughing, “grab your weapons lemme check them.” You nodded your head and kissed his cheek tenderly, he normally wasn’t one for PDA but Phil was a different story. You handed over your weapons to him and he looked over them, he started with your sword that was aptly titled The Wanderer’s Trade all the enchantments seemed to line up properly, he also double-checked your ax to see it lined up too. “Remember their shields go up you use your ax.” He watched as you nodded in response, you weren’t dumb he knew that but he couldn’t help but want to double-check strategies with you. 

   “I know you trained me well,” You hummed fondly, as he handed you back your ax. He watched as you twirled it in your hands, “Good ole’ Foster Mom won’t let me down.” Both Phil and Techno chuckled at your response, Technoblade gave you a loving pat on the head before sending you off to gather some more glowstone. The three of you spent the rest of the morning gathering supplies, and as the afternoon rolled around Technoblade felt himself grow more and more frantic as the time ticked closer to doomsday. He began to ramble a bit about needing to prepare things especially after Dream showed up early and announced they were going early into L’manberg. Dream explained that he was going to need about twenty minutes to prepare the TNT for the cannons, which meant (Y/N), Phil, and Technoblade himself needed to stall for that amount of time. 

That meant the Withers needed to be in play. 

Technoblade distributed Wither skulls and the soul sand between the three of you. 

He watched as you stared at the skull in your hands gently cradling it before putting it into your inventory. He hoped you were being honest and were okay with what was about to happen. 

   “Now we really have to go.” Dream tried to urge your little group to speed up and get this show on the road. Techno nodded his head and clicked his tongue against his teeth, 

   “Alright, first things first let we need to get the hound army.” He watched your entire face come alight, 

   “Hound army? You didn’t tell me we had puppies!” He felt you grip his arm with the enthusiasm of a child, he winced a little bit at your eagerness. Techno glanced at Dream who was just as unreadable as always with his mask but Techno could sense his patience with you running thin. 

   “I didn’t wanna tell you cause there’s a good chance we lose like all of them today.” He watched you deflate but nod in understanding, “so don’t get attached okay?” 

   “I won’t!” 

   “Let’s go. Time’s ticking.” Dream commanded tapping his boots on the floor, “Let’s get those dogs and get to L’manberg.” The four of you grabbed your weapons and headed down the steps of Technoblade’s house, hopefully, you all will come back to see it again. 

---

Phil walked by your side as Technoblade led all of you through the sewers, Dream was close to your boyfriend’s side almost like he was trying to memorize the proper twists and turns. However, something told you he already knew this place like the back of his hand. 

   “What’s on your mind?” Phil asked you to keep his voice low to not draw attention to yourselves. Smiling over at him you gave a thoughtful hum, 

   “Just the typical worries I suppose. Hoping we win and no one who we care about dies, like the kids you know. I know I can’t control you, Techno, or Dream but if it came down to it I won’t be able to hurt them.” The look you gave him was nothing less than vulnerable and it touched his heart with a soft sigh he responded to you, 

   “I know it’s not specifically in Techno or my agenda to slaughter Tommy and Tubbo. We just want to take down the corrupt government that’s poisoning its citizens. As long as it stands those kids can never be happy.”

   “I’m with you there. Hell, I don’t think Techno and I could date if we didn’t share those ideologies. They made a child president for Pete’s sake I mean no wonder it’s falling apart.” You took a deep breath and nudged the old man beside you. “Even so my priorities are with you and Technoblade. We’re all fucking coming home if I have any say in the matter,” Phil gave a laugh and smiled at you. 

   “That’s a fucking relief to hear. Wasn’t aware you could control death.”

   “Says the man with a totem of undying.” 

   “Guys we’re here,” Technoblade called standing beside a wall, he looked at all of you and opened the stone with his pickaxe. “Meet the hounds,” He mused leading you inside, you were trying desperately to keep your excitement at bay. 

   “Holy shit is it loud.” Dream commented with a disbelieving laugh hearing all the dogs bark in excitement upon seeing their master. Technoblade scratched a few of them behind the ears before commanding all of them to stand, it was insane. 

   “That’s so many dogs they’re gonna be so confused.” You commented, 

   “You know what you should do?” Dream mused, turning to look at you, “splash them with invisibility.” 

   “Already ahead of you,” Technoblade mused as Philza began to splash a good chunk of them. “They’re gonna be so confused it’s gonna be so funny. When they get hit by nothing, it’ll be like I have a forcefield.” 

   “Let's get to L’manberg and surprise them first.” Dream motioned for all of you to follow, and you did without hesitation. Technoblade took your hand and squeezed it tightly, he watched as Phil and Dream went on ahead and he turned to give you a soft kiss. 

   “Don’t die on me, okay princess? You get into trouble protecting yourself, run if you have to. I don’t give a shit I just want you alive.” Technoblade commanded you, even wagged a finger in front of your face. A finger you grabbed and pressed a soft kiss to, 

   “Same to you. I’ll see you on the other side.” Technoblade smiled adoringly at you and you both moved to catch up with Dream and Phil. You pulled out The Wanderer’s Trade and made sure Foster Mom, your ax, and the materials to craft your Withers were at the ready. 

    “(Y/N), Phil when I shoot fireworks into the sky start spawning the Withers. I’m going straight in with the hounds.” He watched both of you nod, Dream let out a hum of acknowledgment. 

   “Sounds good to me. Remember I shouldn’t need more than twenty minutes, I’ll send Technoblade the signal.” 

   “Yes sir.” You gave a teasing salute and no one else seemed amused by that except for the green man himself. 

   “I could get used to that.”

   “Get the fuck out of here you homeless Teletubby.” Techno almost snarled at the man, while the man in question flipped your boyfriend off. Even Phil could tell he had a sickening smirk spread across his face, whether he meant it or not if it bothered the three of you he was gonna continue with it. 

    “Phil, I’ll sneak over to the houses, you gonna stay in this general vicinity?” You quickly changed the subject, the man nodded in response. 

   “I’ll probably stay on top of the bee sanctuary, I figure two people in the air and one on the ground will be a good call.” You nodded taking one last glance at Technoblade before sneaking off to prepare the high ground. 

---

Technoblade sprinted right into the battle once everyone realized you all were there early. He felt the pressure begin to build in his head, as the voices began to buzz with excitement, they all demanded blood and vengeance. He wasn’t losing any lives today but that didn’t mean anyone else was, it was hilarious the moment he hit anyone his dogs would be at their heels tearing them apart. He stayed on top of everyone, he made sure to keep an eye on his hearts while slicing through his opponents. As they got distracted by his dogs he would come up behind them and drive his sword into their chest. His laughter echoed in the air as the names of the dead appeared in his head, he heard their pleading for a cease-fire and decided he didn’t give a single shit. Technoblade couldn’t find the energy to care for their pleas, even as his dogs began to thin rapidly. There was blood and there was pandemonium and he was living for it, sure there were a few close calls. Not that he would ever admit it, but Sapnap got him good in the shoulder and the back of the leg, almost leaving an opening for him to land a finishing blow. However, he recovered with no problem, he always did, obviously. 

Technoblade booked it away from the fighting and sent the firework rocket into the sky. Almost as soon as he did, he set up his own Wither. The entire battlefield glowed red, white, and blue and he watched people’s faces morph into absolute terror. He heard what sounded like Tommy let out a terrified scream, he had no idea what he was in for if he was afraid of one Wither. Then again, Tommy was the only one who knew about the vault so realistically he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

It was up to Phil and (Y/N) now. 

   “Is that Phil? What the hell?! He’s spawning a Wither!” Someone shouted and Technoblade’s face lit up in delight. He watched Phil send out his Withers before flying away as to not immediately get targeted by them. Technoblade turned his head towards the houses and saw you place your Withers down as well. He thought you looked gorgeous spawning in the Withers, it pulled him out of his blood lust just for a moment, the wicked smile on your face was stunning. He watched as you laughed tossing your hair back, the way it framed your face was remarkable, he thought you looked like Eris. 

An arrow that whizzed by his face and it snapped him out of his ogling, he turned back to rubble only to come face to face with Tommy and Tubbo. 

   “Technoblade! Stop this!” Tommy began to plead as they stood on the opposite end of the battlefield, he did pause to stare at the children. 

   “Please!” Tubbo begged from his side and Technoblade grit his teeth in frustration, after all this time they still didn’t understand his ideals or why he was so mad in the first place. 

   “You betrayed us Technoblade! You betrayed me! Just fucking stop this! Help us kill the Withers and stop Dream. All you’ve ever done is betray us, since we met you that’s all you’ve done. It all started with you killing Tubbo at the festival! Just stop this!-” He felt his blood turn to ice and he turned to face Tommy pointing his crossbow at the two boys. He watched Tubbo flinch and grab onto Tommy’s arm, clearly traumatized from the last time the weapon was pointed at him. Technoblade bared his teeth and felt his face begin to morph into that of a full pig, something that only happened when he was pissed to hell and losing control of himself. 

   “Remember when I was sitting there, alone, against the whole government -- and you and Wilbur just sat there on the sidelines and watched? Did you step in? Did you step in? Were you guys the ones that stepped in and said, "Don't worry, Technoblade, we know you're in a high-pressure situation, but we'd fight the world for you, Technoblade''? No! You guys watched. You know what I did, yesterday when you were surrounded by thirty people? When the whole world was against you? I walked in. I was willing to fight all of them for you, Tommy. I would've been there. That is the difference between us." The man roared his voice carrying over the battleground, catching the attention of a few others who were still trying to kill the Withers nearby. For a brief moment Tommy looked broken up by Technoblade’s words but he pushed it aside with a shake of his head. He was about to argue back when the faintest of hissing sounds came from above. Everyone turned towards the sky, a flash of lightning illuminated the scene above them, Dream was standing on top of the obsidian grid. Technoblade made sure to take a few steps away so he wasn’t right underneath the first bit of dropping TNT, 

   “No,” Tubbo’s voice wobbled “What’s he doing, he can't-” 

Almost like Tubbo predicted the outcome TNT began to rain down in the dead center of New L’manberg, the panicked shouts from the citizens only increased tenfold. The falling explosives spread out in the grid-like pattern Dream had created, making sure to hit every square inch of the once great country. 

   “Tubbo RUN!” Tommy grabbed his arm and pulled this best friends away just in time to not get injured by the first round of explosions that went off in the middle of town. Technoblade made quick work of dodging the falling pieces of TNT as he flew up onto the obsidian grid his Trident in hand. He watched gleefully as L’manberg was sent up in smoke, everything from the houses to whatever the fuck the L’mantree Dream mentioned was, was blown to shreds. Personally, Technoblade didn’t want Dream to stop until he saw bedrock at the bottom of the pit. He looked over and saw Phil smiling widely at him, the man gave him a clear thumbs-up spreading his wings wide. He could tell Phil was proud of him, he was proud of himself. 

   “Where’s (Y/N) mate?” He called out to him and the bliss he was feeling suddenly crumbled into pieces around him. Technooblade whipped around towards the last place he spotted his girlfriend, on top of the houses that were now blown to smithereens. He turned back towards Phil, panic in his eyes, Phil’s smile was immediately wiped off his face and he hopped down off the grid and into the rubble. Technoblade wasn’t far behind in his panicked searching, there was no sign of her anywhere and he was starting to lose his composure. Even as the TNT stopped falling around them and everyone began to head home (if they had one left to return to) he still couldn’t find her. That was until an unfamiliar voice called out to him, 

   “Mr. Technoblade!” The boy was half enderman and bordering on seven feet tall, he turned to face him and he swallowed thickly, “Miss (Y/N), she needs help!” Technoblade didn’t even respond he just let the Enderboy lead him to where she was, god please don’t be dead, please. The boy stood over her, wringing his hands nervously, a jacket was laid over her body and she was dragged far away from the wreckage. Technoblade froze as he watched the boy kneel and pull the jacket away, bandages were haphazardly tied around her waist and her breathing seems shallow. The half enderman looked up at him and swallowed thickly, “I found her under the rubble of my house.” 

   “I can handle it from here. Get out of here kid.” His voice was a low grumble and Ranboo hesitated for a moment before nodding, he knelt, picked up his other belongings, and headed off in the direction of the forest. Technoblade knelt beside you, his hands hovering over your injury, he felt his palms clam up as he opened and closed them. “You better not die on me princess, you promised,” he opened up the bandages on your waist, all things considered, the boy didn’t do that bad of a job patching you up. There weren't a lot of medical supplies on the battlefield so he did what he could with what he had, she must’ve gotten cut by a stray piece of metal as she fell, that’s what it looked like to him at least. Other than the jagged cut across her waist her ankle was twisted in a way that certainly wasn’t normal, his princess was beaten to hell. He swallowed thickly and began to rewrap her wound a bit more tightly so she didn’t bleed out, he felt a gust of wind beside him and he knew Phil was by his side. 

   “Fuck.” He murmured kneeling to set her ankle properly, the old man licked his lips before setting her ankle with a harsh tug. (Y’N)’s eyes shot open and she let out a shriek. “Sorry kid, sorry,” Her breathing went from shallow to heavy and frantic. Technoblade reached forward and grabbed your hand tight. 

   “Hey princess stay with me okay?” 

   “Bubs.” You whined painfully, “I guess I fucked up huh?” 

   “Only a lot,” Technoblade stated bluntly and watched as you let out a wheezing laugh that devolved into a cough. He frowned and took his other hand to card it through your hair, “Just take a deep breath we’ll get you home and all patched up.” 

   “Guess we aren’t getting married huh.”

   “Fucking what-” Phil choked his eyes blowing wide, jaw-dropping Techno’s face flushed red in response. 

   “Half dead and you still find a way to torture me.” You laughed again as Phil only shook his head in disbelief, 

   “That is so scuffed. Go take her home, she’s gonna need stitches and a splint for her leg. Make sure she gets home safe.” Phil placed his hand on Technoblade’s shoulder and squeezed it before kissing your forehead softly, “You’re gonna be fine.”

   “Obviously. Mr. Minecraft, would you expect anything less from me?” 

   “Nothing less,” He smiled fondly as Technoblade cradled you in his arms before hurrying away down the path. Phil stood up tall a frown evident on his features, he turned around to catch Raboo peaking out from behind the treeline. “Hey, Ranboo how’re you doing?”

   “Um. I’m alright. Fine, I’m fine, is (Y/N) going to be alright?” He stepped out from behind the tree patting his hands on his pants a bit nervously. Phil eyed the kid up and down for a moment and he cleared his throat, “I found her she was really, really bad.” 

   “She’s going to be just fine, Techno’s looking after her.” 

   “Good, good.” He nodded the tall mans shoulders seemed to relax and Phil couldn’t help but look at him with pity. 

   “Ranboo, do you have a place to stay?” 

   “Ugh...you know what no I don’t actually.” Phil smiled over at the boy and held out his hand, his multicolored eyes widened a little as he interlocked his hands with the father beside him.

. 

.

. 

: )

~~~

Thanks for reading guys! I think this is the longest chapter yet, let me know your thoughts, feelings and opinions! : ) 

[punkrockmads]

Found Family

Abby x F! Reader Mini Series

Song used: The Mother by Brandi Carlile

*...*= Evangeline's Age

Chapter Ten; The Mothers

*TWO MONTHS OLD*

ABBY'S POV

"Abby." I hear someone mumble. I groan, hiding my face in my pillow. "Abby." The voice calls again. As soon as I realize it's Y/N, I look up, blinking the sleep from my eyes.

"Yeah?" I yawn, seeing her holding Evangeline. Evangeline clings to her finger, resting peacefully in her arms.

"Watch." Y/N says. She sits beside me on the bed, a mischievous smile on her face. She takes her finger out of Evangeline's hand and Evangeline immediately starts crying. Y/N lets Evangeline take her finger again and she calms down instantly. I chuckle, watching as Y/N takes her finger away and gives it back once more. "She likes my fingers just as much as her Momma." Y/N snorts.

"Jesus christ." I scoff, laughing. "That's awful."

"You love me." Y/N grins. I sit up, shuffling over to sit behind her. I pull her body against mine, my legs resting on either side of her as I wrap my arms around her torso.

"I do." I mumble, kissing her neck. She sighs as my lips brush against that one special spot. "How long has it been since we-"

"Too long." Y/N cuts me off with a chuckle. "I'm touch-starved."

"Aww, my poor baby." I hum, kissing behind her ear. "I bet you're missing my fingers just as much as I miss yours, huh?" Y/N tenses, nudging me away with her elbow. "You miss the way I make you moan?"

"Little ears listening, Momma." Y/N warns with a smile. I feel a very familiar warmth in my gut at the sound of her calling me 'Momma'. I'll have to tuck that away for the next time we get the chance to pleasure each other. "Finally, she's asleep." Y/N sighs, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Can you take her so I can make lunch please?"

"Yeah, of course!" I nod, taking Evangeline in my arms. As soon as Y/N pulls her finger out of Evangeline's grasp, I quickly replace it with mine, feeling Evangeline latch on. Her tiny fist can just barely fit around my finger. I feel so much pride as I look at her. She looks so much like Y/N. I didn't think I'd ever feel a love like this, but... thanks to Y/N and Evangeline, Lev and I have an even bigger family, one full of love. "My little Evie." I whisper, kissing my baby's forehead. She scrunches up her nose and sticks her tongue out before relaxing again, sleeping peacefully in my arms. She's so little. So so tiny. "Wait..." I pause. "Lunch? How long did I sleep?"

"It's noon, honey." Y/N chuckles, kissing my cheek as she gets up. I follow her out of the room.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I ask, wondering how much she had to do on her own while I was asleep.

"You were exhausted." Y/N says. She stops in front of me once we get downstairs. "It's okay. I wanted you to sleep in for once." She smiles.

"Thank you, sweet girl." I sigh, kissing the top of her head.

"You can thank me by changing Evie's diaper." Y/N says with a laugh.

"Fiiiine." I groan. "You're lucky I love you."

"I am very lucky." Y/N says, walking into the kitchen. "And I love you too!" She calls as I walk into the living room. I look around for Evangeline's little backpack. Kayla found a really cute Hello Kitty kids' backpack and Y/N stuffed it with things like diapers, bottles, pacifiers, anything Evangeline might need that we can grab quickly.

"Hey, babe!" I wipe a bit of drool off of Evangeline's lip with my pinky as she stares up at me with big sparkly eyes. "Where's Evie's backpack?"

"Um..." Y/N pauses, the sound of clinking plates coming from the kitchen. "It's by the TV stand!" I spot it almost immediately, picking it up and carrying it and Evangeline over to the couch.

"Got it!" I let her know. I lay a baby blanket on the couch, setting Evangeline down carefully. She begins to whimper. "Shh. It's okay, honey." Evangeline starts sniffling, I can tell she's about to cry. "Oh, I know, baby. You just wanna be held, huh?" Evangeline kicks her feet, starting to get fussy. "Momma's gonna hold you in just a bit, baby." After five minutes of trying to wrestle a diaper onto my squirming bean child, I finally get her changed. As I go to set Evangeline's bag back by the TV stand, I trip on the foot of the coffee table, landing on the floor with a loud thud and prompting Evangeline to start wailing at the scary sound. I hear glass shatter as Y/N runs into the living room.

"Abby?!" She looks panicked, quickly picking up Evangeline and kneeling by my side as I sit up. "Holy shit, are you okay?" Evangeline continues to cry in Y/N's arms.

"Yeah." I groan. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just tripped." Y/N puts a hand on my shoulder, rocking Evangeline.

"Jesus." Y/N sighs, hiding an amused grin. Despite her efforts, she can't hold back a laugh. I smile, starting to laugh with her. "I dropped a fucking plate." We laugh harder at our clumsiness. "Oh, my little Evie." Y/N kisses her cheek, trying to get her to stop crying. She just cries louder, starting to make a little pouty face.

"I think it's this goober's lunch time, too." I chuckle. Y/N nods, fixing Evangeline's flower patterned jumper. "Want me to bring you something to eat?"

"Please." Y/N nods, already unclipping her bra underneath her shirt. "Everything's already made. And can you-" She pauses as I help her take her left arm out of her sleeve, maneuvering Evangeline so she can eat. "That. Thank you." She chuckles.

"Hey." I mumble, making her look up at me. "You're incredible." I smile. Y/N rolls her eyes, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pulling me into a kiss. I can't help but let out a low growl from deep in my throat, making her smile into the kiss, her teeth meeting mine. She pulls away, leaving me breathless as she stares at me with a knowing smile. The things she does to me. "Oh." I grab the pillow from the wooden chair in the corner, leaning it against the arm of the couch. "Here. This should be more comfy for you." I say, helping her reposition herself so her legs lay flat across the couch and her back rests against the pillow.

"God, I love you." Y/N sighs as I kiss the side of her neck. Her stomach grumbles, making me smile against her skin.

"Your affection will have to wait." I chuckle, putting a hand on Evangeline's back. "Mommy's gotta eat too." I tell her. Y/N hums, no doubt thinking the same thing I did earlier. I squeeze Y/N's shoulder before heading into the kitchen to finish preparing lunch. As I scoop fruit salad into bowls, I hear Y/N start singing to Evangeline. I pause, letting myself listen to my wife's beautiful voice.

'Welcome to the end of being

Alone inside your mind

You're tethered to another

And you're worried all the time

You always knew the melody

But you never heard it rhyme

She's fair and she is quiet, Lord

She doesn't look like me'

I smile a bit at the irony of that line. Evangeline looks so much like Y/N already.

'She made me love the morning

She's a holiday at sea

The New York streets are as busy

As they always used to be

But I am the mother of Evangeline'

[peralta-guaranteed]

Amy arriving home and fnding Jake, Maya and Mac taking a nap together

She knows she’s home earlier than planned today, but she figures Jake won’t mind - he’s had the entire day off and free from family after a weekend of them all together, with Mac and Maya back at the daycare today and her working, so he’ll probably be excited to see her. And god, she missed him, after barely 8 hours without him, without his short visits during their breaks or whenever he has to go past the ground floor to leave the building for field duty. (Not to mention she missed the kids, but that is a given, really. Going back to work after a weekend off with them is never easy.)

That said, the apartment she just stepped into is way too quiet for her liking. She wass expecting the TV to play a movie (the movie, probably), or some random radio station blasting loud tunes while he gets done with the task list she’d left for him. Or maybe, hopefully, the chatter and noise of kids playing, if he picked the two goobers up earlier than usual. But she hears absolutely nothing as she hangs her keys on their designated little hook.

Maybe he’s still out picking up the kids, or took them out for a little surprise trip to the park? But then she sees his keys still on their own little hook, and three pairs of haphazardly thrown shoes in the corner next to the shoe rack, and she has to calm her cop-mentality brain for a second before freaking out.

She’ll just send him a text and see if he answers. Then she can freak out.

-

The quiet ‘bing’ is coming from the bedroom, she realises once she’s sent off her message, so she tiptoes over and opens the door as carefully as possible.

Their bed is not as perfectly made as she’d left it this morning - in fact, there is a frankly giant pile of blankets on top of their duvet. And the pile is moving, ever so slightly.

Her heart skips for a second, but not out of fear anymore, as she steps up to the side of the bed and sees three equally curly tufts of hair sticking out of the top of the blanket pile. Their only difference is in colour - Jake’s on the right are by far the lightest, while Maya on the left shares her almost black hair, and Mac is right inbetween both in colour and placement. They’re covered up to their noses in warm blankets - it is a decidedly cold winter -  and all three peacefully asleep. Mac and Maya are snuggled together, with Jake’s arms around them as he plays giant spoon for them both.

She doesn’t need to be an ace detective to see what has happened here - Jake trying to get the kids to finally take their afternoon nap by promising cuddles in the big bed instead of their cots, and then promptly falling asleep with them.

She strokes the lightest set of her favourite curls, the best way to wake Jake up slowly without startling the kids, and the technique works its magic like always - he blinks at her after just a few moments, slightly disoriented while looking down at the two toddlers in his arms, then smiles up at her with that soft, content smile she knows from waking up in his arms as well. It’s the best start of any day, and it certainly brightens the afternoon too.

“Hey.” She whispers, and leans down to kiss his temple.

“Hey yourself.” He answers before his brain catches up with things. “Wait, is it already 6- I didn’t even start dinner- I’m sorry-”

“No, it’s 5. I got off early today.” Her hand is still in his hair, scratching his scalp. “Cause I missed my three babies.”

“Rude.” He says, but grins. “They’re toddlers now, Ames.”

“Okay, then I missed my two toddlers and one baby.”

Mac stirs and turns from their talk, away from Jake’s chest, and hugs Maya close instead, who’s still sleeping so deeply no noise will move her. She’s a heavy sleeper, they’ve learned, nothing short of an explosion next to her waking her up sometimes. Jake uses the chance to free his arm from underneath both of them ever so carefully and sits up, pushing the blankets back over them.

He can finally give Amy a proper welcome home kiss now, sees her eyeing the sleeping kiddos next to him after it, and smiles when he understands. He definitely shares the knowledge of missing them an insane amount even after all their time together - there is a reason why he picked them up earlier than ever today.

“Wanna switch?” He whispers. “You get cuddles, I go start dinner and wake you all when it’s ready?”

“That sounds perfect.” Amy sighs and kisses him again. “Sure you don’t want help?”

He levels her with an obvious look - so far she’s managed to even burn Maya’s veggie puree - before sliding out of bed and holding the duvet up for her. She slips under it and feels Mac immediately turn back to her, his little hands finding her shirt and grabbing tight.

“Sleep tight.” Jake whispers once more as he looks down at his little family. Amy is already blinking heavily and drifting off, so he tiptoes out into the kitchen and wonders how the kids will react when they wake up to the sudden switcheroo.

-

About 30 minutes later, when the Bolognese is bubbling steadily, he hears a little squeal of “Mama!” from Maya, and then a whole lot of giggling from what he thinks is probably a tickle attack. And the sauce needs to stew longer anyway before he starts on the pasta, so he makes the executive decision to leave dinner be for a little while and rejoin them instead.

[spookybreadstick]

Hey!!!! I was wondering if you could write a scenario for Toby confessing to his s/o 😳👉👈 - dancing parrot 🐦🎶🐦🎶

Okay so I wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to go with this, I had so many ideas it was hard to choose so I kind of meshed two of my favorite ideas into one lol. I hope it’s okay, it’s my longest (I’m pretty sure anyway) little scenario yet and I’m nervous/excited to post it. I personally think it’s kinda cute but uh let me know guys 😅 I also had it be Toby confessing that he has a crush on the reader, and for the purposes of this scenario the reader is female (I tried, but it’s harder than I thought to write gender neutral scenarios) 

NOTE: I am trying out different ways to incorporate Toby’s tics into the writing, because I think it is an important part of his character and I want to honor that while having it be respectful and also easier to read. I put his tics in * * so that it is easier to see when he’s having a verbal tic because otherwise it can look a lil funky. Let me know if this was an okay way to go about it, I’m still learning! 

🪓 Toby Confesses To His (Female) S/O  🪓

"Dude, stop star-staring. You're making it weird." Toby whispered to BEN, who was currently staring intently at you from a distance.

"How do you think I'm gonna help you if I don't know what I'm doing?" BEN barely glanced at Toby, who was fidgeting nervously beside him.

After a couple of seconds, BEN turned to Toby. "I don't know, dude. I need to see you guys in action."

"What does that mean?" Toby asked.

"Just go over and talk. Act natural. I need to see the vibe between you two." BEN said, nudging Toby towards you despite his whispers of protest.

Seeing Toby walk slowly towards you, you turned and greeted him. "Hey, Toby. What are you doing?"

"Uh, nothing. Just, uh, j-just walking..? He trailed off uncertainly.

You didn't seem to mind his awkward behavior, and continued to chat with him for another minute or two. Well, it was more like you were chatting at him rather than with him. Toby was just standing there uncomfortably, as he tried to will all of his tics away for a few minutes. It's hard when he's nervous and trying to make himself look good in front of you. Suddenly, you were being pulled away by one of the other pastas who wanted your opinion on something. Toby watched you leave the room, waving goodbye as you went.

"Dude. That was literally the worst thing I've ever seen." BEN appeared beside Toby, laughing.

"Knock *knock who's there?* knock it off." Toby gave him a slight shove.

"I can't help you if you're gonna be a dweeb about it." BEN shrugged.

"I'm not being a dweeb!" Toby cried indignantly.

"Okay, sure." BEN rolled his eyes.

"So?" Toby asked eagerly.

"So, what?"

"So, does she like me too?"

"I mean, she must like you at least a little. You were standing there like a goober, and she didn't care."

"BEN!"

"I'm sorry, but that was some classic comedy material right there. I could have made, like, a dozen jokes about the whole thing. All I'm saying is, she didn't take a golden opportunity to make fun of you, so maybe you do stand a chance after all."

"Okay, well, are you gonna help me *hide the body* help me win her over or what?" Toby crossed his arms.

"Nah. It's too much fun to watch you make a fool out of yourself." BEN grinned.

"Dude, seriously?"

"Look, I may be a man of talent, but I can't pass my flirt skills on to you. They'd just go to waste, man."

"Thanks a lot." Toby huffed.

"The best advice I can give you is to just relax, man. Just chill out, and don't act like you have rigor mortis. The whole time she was talking to you, you were rooted to the spot and your limbs were all tight. Don't do that. Just be loose and let it happen, you know?"

"Do you think I should tell her how I feel?" Toby asked timidly, shifting his weight from side to side. He really did like you. And he didn't always get so nervous around you, he reasoned to himself. He was better in groups, at least, when some of the attention was off of him.

"I don't know." BEN shrugged.

"You're talking about Y/N, right?" Hoodie asked, stepping into the room.

"Jesus, man, you scared the shit out of me!" BEN yelped.

"Sorry. Toby, do you have a crush on Y/N?"

"No! Why would you think *clink clink clink* that?"  

"You're pretty obvious about your feelings, Toby."

"D-do you think she knows?" Toby asked, dread crawling through his body. "I mean, it doesn't m-matter, it's not like I like her or anything, I just want to know." He added quickly, trying to cover his tracks.

"No, I don't think so." Hoodie replied, after a moment of thought.

"Why do you care?" BEN asked Hoodie, peering at him suspiciously.

Hoodie shrugged. "I don't care too much. Just figured Toby would want to know if she was dating somebody else. I mean, if he did like her." Hoodie cocked his head to the side, looking at Toby through his mask.

"W-what do you mean? She's dating somebody?" Toby's hand began to involuntarily rub at his neck.

"Not yet anyway. But I did hear that Jeff might ask her out." Hoodie said casually.

"Jeff? Tha-" BEN's words were quickly cut off by Hoodie smacking him in the side. Toby's mind was too preoccupied with visions of you and Jeff together, that he didn't notice.

"S-shit. Do... do you think she'd say y-yes?" Toby asked apprehensively.

"I don't know. But if you did have feelings for Y/N, which you say you don't, but if you did then you should probably tell her how you feel before Jeff does. Just in case." Hoodie said pointedly.

Toby nodded his head several times before yelling about how he had to do something (something totally unrelated) and then dashing out of the room.

~~

Toby ran down the lengths of the corridors, desperate to find you before Jeff could. His heart pinched to think of what would happen if you did decide to go out with Jeff. He couldn't bear it.

Toby was so lost in his thoughts that he narrowly missed running directly into Sally, who was wandering the halls as well.

"Sorry, Sally, I gotta go." Toby puffed, out of breath.

"Toby! You gotta come play with me!" Sally looked at him with eyes full of childish begging.

"Not now, Sal." Toby bounced impatiently, waiting for her to move.

"Toby Rogers, you come play with me right now!" Sally crossed her arms. "Or I'll tell Slendy that you were being mean to me."

Toby looked down at her in shock. "You wouldn't."

Sally stuck her tongue out playfully. Toby sighed, then ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Fine! *Fine wine, very fine wine* I-I'll go play with you. But it has to be quick, I'm really *busy bee* busy!" Toby pleaded.

"Okey-dokey!" Sally exclaimed happily, grabbing Toby's hand and pulling him along to her playroom.

~~

When Toby entered Sally's playroom, he was expecting to find the table set for tea, with various stuffed animals positioned into chairs and dressed in different colored tutus. That wasn't a surprise. What was an unexpected surprise, however, was finding you sitting in one of Sally's pink plastic chairs. Toby skidded to a stop, like a deer in headlights, taking in the sight of you perched in the tiny chair with a princess tiara on your head.

"Hi, Toby." You waved slightly. "Like the tiara?"

"Uh, yeah. It, um, it looks-it looks great." Toby stuttered out.

"We're going to play Princess Tea Time." Sally announced loudly, putting on a tiara of her own. 

"Y/N and I are going to be princesses, of course." Sally gestured to the matching tiaras.

"Tickles and Marmalade will be the Ladies-in-Waiting." Sally pointed to a pink bear and a blue triceratops. "Larry is going to be a knight, and my very romantic fiance." She gestured to a manatee.

"And Toby is going to be the prince from another kingdom that comes to tea!" Sally beamed.

Toby plastered a big fake smile on his face before Sally's game of play-pretend began.

~~

The three of you had been playing for a good twenty minutes, and Toby had been having a good time in spite of the circumstances. He had been enjoying himself enough to have forgotten about the whole Jeff thing entirely. Sally was serving real cookies, and there was fruit punch in the pink teapot. Sally is an excellent little actress, and she had adopted an over-the-top British accent to go with her whole "diva princess madly in love with the lowly knight" vibe that she had going. Toby found himself relaxing as time went on, and he found his ability to actually converse like a normal person. He had even made a few jokes that you'd laughed at.

However, Sally decided it was high time to raise the stakes of her little game.

"Prince Toby, what just fell out of your pocket?" Sally asked, pointing to a spot of nothing on the floor. She leaned over to pick up nothing off the floor, then pretended to 'read' whatever it was. She gasped dramatically, hands over her heart.

"Prince Toby! This letter states your love for Princess Y/N!" Sally exclaimed. "And just when were you going to confess to my dear sister?"

"I-I-um, I-" Toby stuttered, unable to think of how to play along. This was becoming too close for comfort.

"It's true?!" Sally gasped dramatically once more, ignoring Toby's failed acting attempt. "Good heavens! Sister, what do you think?"

"I... I don't know, dear sister. What ever should I do?" You asked Sally, half-playing along.

"Well, we have to determine if Prince Toby's love for you is true." Sally turned to Toby excitedly. He stared at her blankly in return. 

"Well? Go on, tell her how you feel." Sally urged.

Toby looked at you and suddenly words starting coming out of his mouth that seemed to stumble right from his heart. "I don't know how to act when I'm around you, because you make me so nervous. You're the most amazing person I've ever met in my life. You're like... like a goddess to me. You're so beautiful, and kind, and you're always so nice to me of all people, and I really wanted to tell you this before, especially since there's other guys that want your heart, but I was scared of what you'd say..." Toby trailed off, heart racing. "I, uh, that's how the prince, I mean me, that's how I feel about you. Princess Y/N." Toby tripped over his words, trying to act like it was all part of the game.

"Now that was romantic." Sally sighed happily.

~~

The game ended shortly after that, due to Slender calling Sally downstairs so she could watch some cartoons that she liked, which was a good thing since Toby could hardly bring himself to look you in the eyes. He worried that you had read between the lines and realized that his words were actually true. Sally had just skipped out of the room when Toby stood and faced you. You stood as well, plucking your tiara from your head and fiddling with it.

"That was a pretty intense game." You half-laughed after several beats of awkward silence.

"Y-yeah, it was." Toby looked at the ground.

"Sally's got quite the imagination."

"Yeah. *Yeah, yeah*"

"You do too."

"What?"

"I mean, coming up with that whole thing about how the prince feels about the princess? That was pretty creative."

"Oh, yeah... about that..." Toby trailed off. "S-sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything."

"No, no, it's fine. You were just playing the part." You smiled to try to put his obvious nerves at ease.

"But-but I wasn't." Toby looked you in the eyes.

"You weren't?"

"No, I..." Toby drew in a deep breath. "I really like you."

"In what way?" You asked, half in a whisper.

"That-that way. The-the lovey kind of way?" Toby half-whispered back, unsure of your reaction.  

"Really?" Your eyes brightened with hope.

"I like you so much and I really want to be your-your....your prince." Toby looked down at his hands, before glancing back at you. "If-if you want me to. I get it if you d-don't like me..."

"No!" You cut him off. "I like you, too."

"In that same way?" Toby glanced at you hopefully.

"Yes. In that same lovey kind of way." You repeated his words with a smile on your face.

Toby's entire face lit up with joy as he pulled you in close for a hug and maybe a kiss.

~~

"Guess things worked out for old Toby after all." BEN mentioned to Hoodie after the two of you announced to the mansion later that day that you were together.

"I guess they did." Hoodie commented. 

"What about the whole Jeff thing, though? He never mentioned anything to me, and I'm his best friend, and then you practically body-slammed me earlier when I was talking about it." BEN turned to face Hoodie.

"Oh, I made that all up." Hoodie said casually taking a sip of the drink he was holding.

"What? Dude, why?" BEN shook his head in confusion.

"Because," Hoodie began as he looked across the room at the happy new couple, "he would never have told her otherwise if I didn't give him just a little push."  

[superheroesiguess]

So since I’ve dragged my way back to this blog I did some digging into my older DC works and came across this fic I was writing with a friend (one you guys will be hearing a lot about) that we never ended up finishing.

As an apology for my unexplained absence, I will be posting that WIP under the cut:

Today was one of those long, boring, humanish days that happen every once in a while— the sky was a cloudy white and grey, traffic was loud with a certain irritating buzz to it, and the people in the streets were rushing to their boring, absolutely dreadful everyday jobs. This did not make Mr Mxyzptlk happy. Who wanted to wake up at 6 A.M. on Monday for something so mundane and tedious as ringing up some disgusting vegetables? Blasphemy, absolutely forsaken bullcrap! He always despised boring, bland, no-fun-ever-happens days like these because nothing ever exciting happens, so he got an idea— a really, really splendid idea; an idea that makes the teapots whistle and hiss, the birds sing and screech, and his chaotic nature scream in joy and anarchy.

Because by this time tomorrow, when the sun sets and the twilight settles, and when the sun rises with the day horizoning, Mr Mxyzptlk’s favourite toys and puppets and everyone in-between are going to be a bit spun around and upside down. Man, it would be so genius and over-the-top and funny he’ll laugh and cry and slap his knee and maybe turn some innocent goober into a crow! Oh this day just got better, better than smokey skies with plentiful rain and the pitiful oddities who scream and kick and deem themselves “superheroes” until their fingers bleed red and their face slack-and-blue!  Oh, so much better . . . 

The first one to discover what the mischievous imp had done was Oliver Queen, who woke up to the sound of rapid-fire knocks on his bedroom door. Did Roy or Dinah come back or am I hallucinating again?  

“Father, Todd has arrived unexpectedly and is tormenting Alfred, do I have your granted permission to maim him?” an unfamiliar young voice asked from the other side of the door.  Definitely hallucinating; need more sleep or Bruce to one punch me.

Tiredly, the archer replied, “Ugh, go for it,” before turning over and sinking his face in the soft pillow.  His consciousness was drifting into sleep again, his vision was blurring the nearby surroundings, and somewhere in his brain there was a dull pulsing ache that he wanted to bang his head in to make it stop. Fuck, who did I fight and get a concussion from again?  This is getting old . . .

He felt himself dozing off before he heard the most terrified, Bloody-Mary scream of his life.  His eyes shot open and he groaned. Fuck, Dinah’s gonna kill me! He hurriedly shuffled out of his bed (with new black decor), stubbed his toe on the bedside table (that was a dark oak, antique, and held more picture frames than it could possibly fit), nearly face plants into the floor (the cleanliness was nearly obsessive), and yanked the door open with a force of a Canary Cry.

That was the moment Oliver Queen realised something was up and not right. The hallway before him looked like a part of some weird paradox; too many door frames, different carpet patterns, unique window styles. Plus, he was only in his boxers. He knew for a fact that itself was strange for himself. Nevertheless, he decided ‘fuck it what more can hurt’ and sprinted down the tall velvet stairs to try and stop an attempted murder he may or may not be an accomplice in.

In the middle of the foyer that looked very clean for a welcoming area, there was a small, angry child who barely reached Oliver’s elbows, a tired old man dressed very elegantly for a Monday, a laughing adult with a white tuft of hair, and the infamous Catwoman who was leaning casually on the wall sipping her coffee. Oliver was certain he looked a bit foolish when he reached the bottom of the stairs and everyone was staring at him, even the murderous toddler, “Don’t,” he wheezed, out of breath, “don’t stab anyone!” he was able to huff out.

There was silence before suddenly the guy he’s pretty sure is Todd or Pennyworth started to laugh uncontrollably, “B! You look like an idiot!” He grinned as he pointed straight at Oliver.

“Who the f-” Oliver’s question was interrupted by Alfred who cleared his throat loudly, “Master Bruce, you should go and get prepared for the day, I have everything handled here.” Oliver’s pretty sure Alfred glared at the angry child by the end there.

Oliver was halfway up the stairs before he realised something, “Wait- did you just call me B? B as in Batman?” He questioned with a confused expression on his face.  

Everyone then looked at him quizzically, including the now less angry toddler, before someone spoke up, “Did he get a concussion last night?” Cat lady spoke up as she walked towards him with her coffee still in her hands.

“Nothing happened last night, it was the same patrol as usual.” Damian informed while sheathing his katana, which made Oliver yell at Bruce in his head for letting a child carry a weapon like that.

The room was silent again, only to be interrupted by a loud, shrill meow, “You’re back!” Jason let out an excited squeal upon seeing the cat who just kinda appeared out of nowhere.

As soon as the cat saw Jason though they sprinted back from where they came which displeased the literal murderer, “No! Come back!” Jason yelled before running after the, probably scared, cat.

“No! Leave Alfred Pennyworth alone!” The now angry again toddler unsheathed his katana and ran after the past Robin with what looked like intent to kill.

That leaves just Selina Kyle, Alfred Pennyworth and Oliver Queen, who was very confused about the cat being named Alfred Pennyworth, “So… Uh… I’m, like, ninety percent sure I’m not meant to be here.” He awkwardly gestured to himself as he spoke.

Cat lady and the butler shared one look between themselves before Alfred spoke again, “That is most definitely not Master Bruce.”

“Don’t know why you’d think I was him in the first place but okay-”

[quickspinner]

Puppy Love

I didn’t actually spend much time editing this one because I barely squeezed my sprints in, but I’m pretty happy with it for what it is!  And what it is, is pure domestic fluff, featuring the return of Bach the deaf dog from my very first sprint fic, Puppy Eyes.

Written for the LBSC sprint fic challenge. If you’d like to join in follow @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers for more information!

Challenge rules:

Pick a prompt and write for that prompt in up to three 15 minute sprints. No writing outside the sprints until you have completed all three! After the 3 sprints are complete, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions, etc). After those 24 hours, post what you’ve got! More information on the challenge here!

Prompt: 

“Stop being cute, I’m annoyed at you for making me work.”

Marinette glared at the clear blue eyes that blinked innocently at her. “Stop being cute, I’m mad at you for making me work.” 

Bach tilted his head slightly, but made no other reaction. 

“I guess the one nice thing about having a deaf dog,” Marinette sighed, “is that I don’t have to feel guilty for complaining, because you can’t tell.” She tossed another empty bag of stuffing over her little couch to join the rest behind it, where Bach wouldn’t get tangled up in the trash. She’d get Luka to retrieve the empty bags later. Then she looked back to the fleece in her hands, picked up the needle, and began stitching the last opening closed with the same careful stitches she would have used if she were working on a couture dress and not a dog bed. 

She paused, and then sighed, and then reached a hand out to rub between Bach’s ears. His eyes went all squinty and his tongue lolled out as his tail wagged and he did a little full-body wiggle without actually breaking his sit. “Good manners,” Marinette smiled, though she knew Bach couldn’t hear the compliment either. It had been some work, training him not to jump on her while she worked. They’d had one or two close calls with scissors and needles and other sharp things, and he couldn’t hear her shrieking, “No, Bach, sharp! Sharp!” Fortunately, they’d managed to teach him some manners before he got big enough to make injury unavoidable.

Marinette bit down on her smile as Bach shuffled closer, technically not breaking the rules, as his behind never left the floor, but soon his chest was pressed against her legs and his head was resting on her knee. 

“Oh, not the chin,” Marinette whined, carefully placing the last few stitches. “You know I can’t resist the chin.” She tied off her thread, cut it, and carefully set needle and scissors both out of the way. “Okay, okay,” she grumbled, bundling the large, poofy bed off to the side on the couch so she could bend over and press her lips to the top of Bach’s head, ruffling his ears with both hands. Bach began to wiggle all over, tail wagging wildly, and pant, pressing harder into her now that she was giving him attention.

“You’re so spoiled!” Marinette scolded him in a high-pitched voice. “Yes you are! Spoiled spoiled spoiled! I spent all this time making this for you and we both know you’re just going to lay on the floor, aren’t you? You big goof! You’re going to be glad you have this nice comfy bed when it gets cold outside and that floor is freezing!” 

She pulled back as Bach began to get a little overenthusiastic, making his funny little vocalizations and starting to make little hops to lick at her face. “Ew,” Marinette groaned, but she was laughing. Still, she pushed him away, made sure she had his attention, and signed for him to sit. He did, but Marinette could have sworn he was pouting about it. “Good boy,” she said and signed, and then scratched his ears. His eyes followed her as she picked up the bed, fluffed it out, and then laid it on the floor. “All right, let’s give it a try.” Marinette said and signed, “Come,” and Bach nearly lunged to her, dancing all over his new bed until Marinette gave him the sign for “down.” He laid down, looking up at her expectantly, paying no attention to his extremely comfy new bed, color-coordinated to match the studio.

Marinette couldn’t help smiling. “Well, at least you fit in it. For now. You better not get much bigger, furball.” 

“You could have just bought him one, you know.” 

Marinette looked up at the familiar, warm voice, to see Luka leaning on the doorframe and smirking at her. 

“I could not,” she muttered. “And you know it. Besides, I couldn’t have found anything to match the room half as well.” 

Luka chucked, and reached over the flick the lights off and on. Bach looked around, spotted his daddy, and flew from Marinette’s arms with an exuberant, if slightly odd-sounding, woof. He stopped himself just before he jumped up, but sat at Luka’s feet instead as he had at Marinette’s, his whole body once again wiggling. “Good boy,” Luka said and signed, and got down on his knees to take his turn ruffling Bach’s ears as Bach licked his face enthusiastically. “Ew,” Luka grunted, keeping his lips closed as he tried to turn his face away. He’d learned that lesson the hard way. 

“How was work?” Marinette asked, pointlessly smoothing out the newly-finished dog bed.

“Work was work,” Luka sighed, with a little shrug. “It was okay. Nothing monumentally stupid today.” He grinned. “The only diva in the studio was me, for once.” 

“Ooh, that sounds like a story.” Marinette lifted her eyebrows, and Luka winked at her.

Bach, deciding Luka had been sufficiently greeted, bounced between Luka and Marinette. They both laughed at the wiggly white furball, who despite being rather large for the room, managed to avoid knocking over anything important. 

“Well, wife,” Luka began, and Marinette still felt a little frisson of pleasure at the title, “what do you say we take this goober for a walk? Looks like he could stand to burn off the energy, and I could definitely stand to stretch my legs after spending all day in the studio.” 

“Sounds good to me, husband,” Marinette giggled back, feeling a bit of satisfaction at Luka’s grin when she said it. “But go change before you say anything to him about it.” 

“Right,” Luka got up, and wiped a sleeve across his face with a slight grimace. “I’ll change and wash my face and then we can go.” 

Marinette nodded, and tried not to be too put out when Bach pranced out of the room after Luka, shoving his head under Luka’s hand shamelessly and nearly knocking Luka into the hallway wall. 

Half an hour later they were strolling along, Marinette’s arm linked through Luka’s, and Bach’s leash in his other hand, while the big white dog zigzagged down the sidewalk, sniffing everything in reach. 

“I think maybe we better make a stop at the park,” Luka chuckled, watching him. “He’s pretty fired up.”

“I didn’t take him out as much today as I should have,” Marinette admitted. “I had so much to do. I really only took short breaks to work on his bed for a few minutes here and there when I couldn’t take it.”

“He’ll be fine after a few laps around the park,” Luka reassured her, squeezing her arm against his body lightly. “Some days are just like that. We knew it would be a challenge when he got bigger.”

“We did,” Marinette agreed, pressing closer to Luka, so that he slipped his arm free of hers and put it around her waist instead. “But you just couldn’t resist.” 

“Neither could you,” Luka grinned. “It’s not so bad, though? Even if it was kind of...spontaneous.”

“Stupid?” Marinette said wryly. “Impulsive? Completely impractical?”

“Unexpected,” Luka countered. “Even though it wasn’t the plan. It still worked out, didn’t it?” He looked down at her, and Marinette had to take a moment before she could look up and smile at him.

“It really did,” she admitted, her voice thick with emotion. “I should know by now that some plans just aren’t meant to be.” 

Luka leaned down and kissed her—quickly, because Bach hadn’t noticed their stop and jerked them forward again. 

Luka chuckled as they started walking again. “What’s life without an unexpected turn or two?” 

Marinette snorted. “I certainly wouldn’t know, thanks to you.”

“It’s not all my fault,” Luka reminded her, letting go of her long enough to tweak one of her earlobes. “You came with your share of surprises yourself, you know.”

“You love it.” Marinette elbowed him.

“I love you,” he replied easily, settling his arm around her shoulders. “That’s more than enough to make up for the extra helping of chaos.” 

“I thought a streak of chaos was a requirement for becoming a Couffaine.” 

“It kind of is,” Luka laughed, thinking of his unconventional family. “But it didn’t have to be that wide.” He grinned at her. “Overachiever, as always.” 

Marinette sniffed, putting her nose in the air. “I hate to do things halfway.” 

“Oh, I do know that,” Luka drawled, giving her a sidelong wink. “A little bit of planning, a little bit of chaos, and more enthusiasm than this little body ought to be able to hold.” He squeezed her shoulders. “That’s my wife.” 

Marinette tried to hold back the ear-splitting grin that wanted to break out, the one that was too large for her face and showed too many teeth, but she couldn’t do it. She leaned into Luka and pressed her face into his shoulder, trusting his arm to guide her. 

[paperficwriter]

Your First Date

Some sweet, fluffy batarou. Being teens in love.

Cut is for length, not for content.

“Oi, Badd. Why didn’t we go on a first date?”

“Well, ya hospitalized me, and then ya went on some kind of monster rager and ended up becomin’ some kinda gargoyle thing? With horns, I heard? And then ya ran off for a hot minute until ya showed up here ‘cause Zenko thought you were some kinda stray to bring home, and here we are.”

“...Heh, yeah, that just about covers it.”

Somehow during months of living together, this conversation didn’t even come up until they were sitting together on the couch, watching an anime one evening that depicted a boy and a girl in a very typical ‘is this a date?!’ situation. They were quiet for a little bit after that, until Badd prompted him by elbowing him in the arm. “Did ya want to? I mean, I feel like we kinda skipped that whole thing, yeah? Usually ya date before ya start livin’ with someone.”

“So what’s the difference between going on a date and dating?”

Badd paused the television and turned to him, wedging himself into the back sofa cushion on his side. “The date’s kinda...the thing itself. Datin’ is when you’re, like, ‘Let’s see how this pans out and if I wanna be your girlfriend for the long haul.’”

“Does that mean we skipped straight to making you my girlfriend?”

“Psh. I’m savin’ my girlfriend status for The One. You lose.”

Garou chuckled and pulled one of Badd’s hands over to rub between his. “Never been on a date before,” he mumbled.

“Are ya serious?” Badd winced when Garou bent one of his fingers sideways. “Ow. I didn’t mean it t’ be shitty! You’re good-lookin,’ so I figured ya woulda had to beat ‘em off with a stick!”

Holy shit, did Garou just blush?! “It’s not like I really had a chance, with the whole ‘leaving home and living at a dojo and then dishonoring said dojo and everything afterward,’ you know?”

Badd dragged his thumb against one of the long lines across Garou’s hand. Then he realized it wasn’t actually the love line, or the life line, or whatever. But rather, it was the pink, faded scar left from his hero hunting. “That means if I take ya out on a date, it’s not just our first date but your first date. Officially.”

Garou nodded. “Which means it can’t suck.”

“Hey, my dates don’t suck.”

“They better not. You don’t have an excuse like I do, since it sounds like you’ve been on a million, you hussy.”

Badd snatched his hand back so he could grab him by one of his wild ‘ears’ of hair. “I ain’t a hussy! And I haven’t been on a million dates! Just a few!”

Thin fingers jabbed at his side right into one of his ticklish pressure points, and Badd’s body buckled in on itself. “No, no, you’re clearly the dating pro, so you better wow me or I’m leaving!”

“Fine!” Badd threw himself on top of Garou, grabbing him by his shirt. He dropped his face close to his with a huge grin. “Then I’m gonna take ya on the best damn date o’ your life. So get ready, wolf boy.”

Garou snuck in a kiss onto Badd’s round nose, flashing his own teeth in a smile. “Okay. I’m holding you to that.”

—

Badd ended up borrowing a car. Although he had gotten his license, he didn’t really need one in the city, since he either walked wherever he needed to go or took public transportation. But if he was going to take Garou on a date, they were going to have to head out a little distance from his normal stomping grounds, enough that no one would immediately recognize him or, worse, ask questions about Garou.

And even as it was, Badd still didn’t sport his normal pompadour, and Garou had one of his beanies over his trademark hair. “So, where are we going?” Garou asked as he reached over to play with Badd’s loose strands where they framed his face. 

“It’s a surprise, ya goober. Also, I, uh...didn’t wanna talk about it so much in front o’ Zenko or she’d be sore we weren’t taking her.”

“Scandalous.”

“Shut up!” Badd gave him a shove, but he was smiling. The drive itself was nice; the air was cool, they listened to some music (and since it was just them, they didn’t even have to suffer through Amai Mask’s discography), and the sunset was a beautiful bleed of color across the horizon. 

Garou grinned when Badd turned into a hotel. “Oh, so it’s that kind of a date, huh?”

“It ain’t like that! Don’t be weird!” Badd’s cheeks burned up to his ears. “I got us a room so we didn’t have to rush back tonight, and so I didn’t have to find some random place to park.”

When Badd got back from checking in, Garou had his face out the window of the car, sniffing, eyes big. It was like he was looking into the distance, at nothing in particular, an invisible interest.

Badd couldn’t help ruffling the top of his head. “What is it, boy?” he asked like he was talking to a dog, “Whattaya smell, huh?” 

Garou rolled his eyes but didn’t really divert his attention, though his did close his eyes. “It’s been forever since I went to the beach. I can smell the sand and the water...and I can hear it.”

Badd turned his ear up, letting the wind hit him. He could just barely make out the salty scent, but he certainly couldn’t hear it. “Good thing that ain’t the surprise.”

Tipping his head curiously, Garou got out of the car, and they started walking down the road. 

It couldn’t be but so surprising, because they could see the boardwalk from the half-mile mark as they walked up toward it. A large road right beside piers and docks had been lined with shops, stands and various attractions on either side, and there was a huge ferris wheel lit up with sparkling lights.

Badd had insisted on going during the week, so since it was Wednesday there weren't nearly as many people as there probably would have been on the weekend. On top of that, it was also late in the season, so there weren’t visiting tourists to contend with either. “I know ya hate crowds as much as I do,” Badd commented as he took his hand. “And I wanted your first date to be a good experience, ya know.”

Garou was staring in every direction, his mouth just a little bit open. Shit, was it too much? Had Badd overdone it?

What finally came out was: “I want to eat everything.”

Badd laughed. “Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

When Garou said everything, he wasn’t kidding. Like a bloodhound, Garou made a beeline for the spots that had the best-smelling greasy food scents, and Badd found himself being dragged to stand after stand to buy long skewers of yakitori, shioyaki and ikayaki. Each one was shoved into his face to try. “Please at least keep the squid in a different hand. If I think I’m gonna get chicken and bite into the ikayaki, I’m gonna hurl.”

Garou just took a bite of each. To spite him.

Now, the noodles he could get behind: yakisoba with deliciously tender pieces of pork; hot, sour Thai noodles that warmed him up to the core; a ramen burger made with prime beef and huge pieces of near-solid noodles. Garou was about to lead them to the taiyaki parfait stand, when Badd finally put his hand on his arm.

“Babe. Ya know I think the world of ya, but can we digest for, like, five minutes?”

“I guess.” He smirked and kissed a spot of sauce off the corner of his mouth. “You weakling.”

Next, Badd took him to an arcade. It was set up to look like one of the “classic” ones, with pinball, huge games with old displays that were probably twenty years old, and racing games that made Garou have to fold his long limbs inwards to get to the gas and brake. 

When he caught Badd laughing, he glared. “I’m still going to kick your ass, even if I do dislocate my hip.”

“You are older than me, Stretch. That’s a real concern.”

“By a year!”

But they figured it was time to go when Garou laid into a test-your-strength punching dummy a bit too hard and snapped it off its support. In his defense, Badd absolutely should have been watching him closer. Garou had a tendency to get carried away.

As they explored the area even more, they came to a set of shops outside a mall connected to the boardwalk. Garou wandered over to an open stand and stopped so hard his heels screeched. “Oh my god, Badd, look at this.” At first, it just looked like they were selling little trinkets and random junk...until Badd got a closer look. “It’s fucking knock-off hero stuff like you find online!”

Badd nearly choked as he picked up a toy that he could only guess was supposed to be Genos with huge neon eyes and a perfectly rectangular mouth. One hand was on backwards, and the paint job was so abysmal it was like it was just dipped in random colors. A figurine of Atomic Samurai actually had a gun for some reason, Zombieman had been painted lime green, and then…

“You have to buy it.”

“I don’t have to do any such a damn thing.”

“Please. I need this as a memento of our first date.”

Badd sighed and paid the ridiculous amount for a Metal Bat action figure: the torso was so big his head was roughly pea-sized, he was wearing a skirt and his bat looked like it was a wooden one. “It’s literally in the name! Metal Bat! They had one job!”

Garou cackled as he pocketed his prize. “Villains beware! The amazing Wood Bat! Special move: Splinter Spirit!”

As the sky was just beginning to transition from a red-touched blue into night, Badd walked Garou out onto the pier that cut into the ocean far enough that it was actually quiet, compared to the street. A torii gate stood alone overlooking the water and the far-off sunset. Garou stared up at it as Badd explained, “There used to be a shrine on the water, but it got destroyed by a typhoon or somethin.’ They left the torii up ‘cause the sun falls right inside it, yeah? And it was still standin,’ so...yeah.”

“You know a lot about this place.”

Badd grinned, kind of lopsidedly. “Yeah…”

“Like you’ve been here before. More than once.”

“Heh, guess I’ve been caught.”

Easily hopping up onto it, Garou sat on one of the wooden rails of the dock and looked out over the easy-going waves. “That’s fine. There are only but so many places you can take dates, so obviously there’s going to be some overlap.”

“What? Oh god, no. Garou.” Careful not to push him over, Badd got between Garou’s long legs, hands holding his waist. “I ain’t...I’ve never brought another date here. Never. You’re the first.” He sighed. “I came here when I was a kid, with my folks. And Zenko after she was born, for a couple of years but I think she was too young to really remember it. This is, uh…” He cleared his throat. “This is the first time…” God, don’t cry, don’t fucking choke up. “Since…”

“Hey.” Garou’s fingers rubbed the back of his scalp and pulled his face into his stomach. “I got it. It’s okay. I like it. A lot.”

“...yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s the best first date. I thought you were just going to drag me out to something really lame and I was going to have to be like, ‘Nooo, Baaadd, I loooove it…’”

Badd snickered and jabbed Garou in the side of the leg. “Jerk.”

Garou continued on in the mock-patronizing voice as he jumped off the ledge and back to the dock. “‘Oh my gooood...no, you put soooo much effort into it…’”

“Well now if I ever do disappoint ya, I’ll see right through you!”

“Of course you will, because I am so transparent and you are so perceptive.” Garou tugged him toward the ferris wheel. “Come on, I think this is a good time for this one.”

Badd nodded, and when they got to the ramp, there really wasn’t much of a line. They climbed into the next available car together. It was one of the new, fancier ferris wheels, with a compartment that people could sit in facing each other while looking out a window on either side, at the sea or at the glittering city skyline in the near-distance. Slowly, they started the climb, and as Badd watched the crowds below get smaller and smaller, he could feel Garou’s eyes on him. 

“So, I’m new to this, but it seems pretty obvious that this is when you’re supposed to kiss on dates, right? That’s a thing isn’t it?”

Badd turned his hand over when cool fingers rubbed his knuckles. “Yeah, I think ya kinda...play it by ear, and when it feels right, ya jus’ go for it.”

Garou leaned close, his smile reflecting the bulbs outside that lined the ride’s spokes. “I think you’re supposed to call the shots though, right?”

“Yeah...I think so.” Badd moved like he was going to close the gap between them, but then put his fingers up to block Garou’s lips. “Wait.”

“...seriously?”    

“Trust me.”

It was only about a minute until they rounded the curve and there they were, at the top of the wheel. In the grand scheme of things, it probably wasn’t that high up but...here, it was the highest point, and for them it might as well have been the top of the world. And before Garou could ruin it by saying something dumb or complaining about the hold up, Badd yanked him into the softest, deepest kiss he could give, putting every ounce of himself into it.

They didn’t actually break it until they were almost at the bottom again, and even then they stayed close, gazing into one another’s face.

“You know…” Garou gave him another little peck, smiling through it. “I think I could get into this whole dating thing.”

Badd hummed, and he kept his fingers loosely holding his shirt so he couldn’t get far away from him. “Yeah...kinda figured ya might feel that way.”

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Nerd 12

Previously on Nerd

The sun hung, shy of noon but still late in the morning, bright against the blinds, burning bright white and glaring despite the insistence that waking wasn’t an option by the inhabitants of the bed. From the late night, the tired hung heavier than normal for the morning person in bed as she slowly woke and shifted, yawning and burying her face in the pillow again to try to grasp at the last semblances of sleep. 

It took a while for Lexa to realize that she was in Clarke’s bed and not her own. The memory of the previous night slowly swirled around her consciousness as she remembered the dance, and the moments where Clarke tugged her along to the dance floor and kissed her sweetly. The memory of arriving at an empty house and feeling Clarke in bed, pushing her limits as far as she could before she imploded. 

Lexa was afraid to move too much when she realized what was happening. She opened her eyes and surveyed the room in the morning light, and felt the body beside her shift and sigh in her sleep. Only after she was certain Clarke was asleep did she chance rolling over and facing the blonde. 

On her back and quite a large sleeper, Clarke’s arm hung off the bed with the other around Lexa’s shoulder. The blankets hung low and her stomach showed beneath the old shirt while her hair was a mess on the pillow, covering everything. Lexa inhaled the smell of Clarke’s sheets and felt her dip in the mattress and felt where their legs touched and she tentatively slid her hand around Clarke’s hip, running her thumb across skin there. 

Not ever had she allowed herself to imagine this moment, that she would share her bed with someone and want to touch them so badly, or that it felt good to feel the bed move. She hadn’t even thought about what a life worth sharing would look like, but it wasn’t the worst. It was something that made her feel very normal and warm. 

The head cheerleader was pretty. She was kind and funny and sometimes stubborn to the point of obstinate. But she slept freely, arms and body open and eager for life, not at all defensive or cuddled up tiny. There was hope for her, Lexa realized, beneath the stress and the front she put up for the rest of the world. 

Slowly, Clarke stirred, Lexa’s thumb on her hip making her wake. She tugged at the body that was warm and beside her, smiling as she oke and humming along with the sound of the morning. 

“Hey,” Clarke whispered, still not opening her eyes. 

“Morning.” 

“Sleep okay?” 

“Really well.” 

“You’re kind of a blanket thief.” 

“You kick in your sleep.” 

“That doesn’t sound like me,” Clarke shook her head, rolling into her girlfriend embrace. 

She had a girlfriend now. She had one of those things that she wasn’t quite sure what it meant except that if it was anything like dating Bellamy it would be somewhat nice. In such a short amount of time, she realized she hadn’t even thought about her ex at all. Gone was the apathetic notion of occasionally hanging out. Now, she found someone who blushed just to look at her, and there was something insanely wonderful about being liked. 

“Good morning,” Lexa whispered again. She ran toes along bare calf and hooked herself closer to Clarke. 

Still without opening her eyes, lethargic and quiet, Clarke kissed Lexa. She felt her lips and her body warmed with the feeling of it all. Lexa was a deceptively good kisser, even if she’d never think about something like that. She moved with a kind of ownership. There wasn’t a sensitivity or apprehension despite the inevitable overthinking, but rather a solid level of taking the reins and taking what she wanted. 

Clarke dug her hand into Lexa’s messy hair and felt hands on her hips slip up her back and hips shift. She hadn’t meant to kiss that hard or that long, but she couldn’t stop and she wasn’t about to if Lexa was doing that thing with her teeth and tongue. 

“So, girlfriend huh?” 

“If you think you’re up to the job,” Clarke grinned and adjusted, tugging at the hem of Lexa’s old shift. “It comes with perks.” 

“I’m kind of serious about a rule book.” 

“There aren’t rules, you goober.” 

“There have to be.” 

“Nah, just good things. Like maybe spending a little time waking up together.” 

“I like it so far,” Lexa conceded as her shirt rose and she watched Clarke’s fingers move up her torso. 

“It means we get to keep picking up wherever we left off.” 

There was a hand that slid up her chest and Lexa felt her knees go weak even though she was laying down. She felt a hand squeeze her, and fingertips run over her chest beneath her shirt, and she shifted despite herself. Clarke’s lips moved to her neck and her chin. 

Eyes rolled back and dangerously flushed, Lexa swallowed and let Clarke move even more, rolling on top of her so her weight pinned her to the bed. It was just a good thing that Clarke was pressing against her chest, because Lexa was certain her limbs would pop. 

For some reason, there was no hesitation in pushing back. Lexa moved without thinking, spreading her legs and slipping her hand low on Clarke’s hip. She didn’t hesitate to chase lips and clumsily chase any feeling of skin she could find. She sought the moan and the sigh and the noises that plagued her every thought. 

But Clarke stopped, bolting up suddenly, her hands still rooted under Lexa’s shirt, palms warm and heavenly. She cocked her head, waiting for another sound before jolting out of the bed quickly and pulling clothes off of the floor to put on. 

“You have to hide.”

“Hide? Why? What happened?” 

“I thought my parents wouldn’t be home until this afternoon--”

“It’s…” Lexa squinted and looked at her phone as she leaned over the bed and grabbed it from the night stand. “It’s almost noon.”

“Clarke, honey, we’re home!” her mother’s voice rang through the halls. 

Clarke froze and stared at her girlfriend, wide-eyed and hair an absolute messy mane, tossed about haphazardly, her lips somewhat puffy from their excursion. 

“I’ll be grounded for life if she finds you in here.” 

“I thought I was allowed over.” 

“I don’t think I ever said that,” Clarke shook her head, looking for clothes as she pushed her hair out of her face. “I said that my parents wouldn’t be here and you should come over.” 

“Clarke, this isn’t the time for semantics.”

“You’re impinging on my honor. Now will you please get under my bed?”

“Are you kidding me?” 

The look Lexa got in return was clearly showing that it wasn’t a joke, and with a sigh, she got to the ground and slid under the bed easy, careful to make sure she wasn’t visible at all. It wasn’t a second too soon. Just as Clarke kicked the remnants of Lexa’s outfit under the bed, the bedroom door opened. 

“You’re still not up? Clarke, it’s nearly lunch time.” 

“I’m getting up,” Clarke defended herself, taking a seat on the edge of the bed as she slipped on socks. “I’m going to go grab lunch with Lexa.” 

“You just went to the dance, do you have to go out every day, Clarke? Don’t you have to study for the SAT and your History exam?” 

“I’m fine for both.” 

“Between work and this, this, this new girl, I don’t know how you get any studying done. It’s not good to be so wrapped up--”

“I’m fine.” 

“You’re young, and you have to understand--”

“Do we have to do this lecture again? Can’t I just read the footnotes of the last dozen or so that you’ve given me?” 

“If you’re going to talk like that, you can forget leaving this house.” 

Lexa held her breath and closed her eyes, pressing herself against the floor as hard as she could, desperate to be away from the situation as best she could. 

“I’ll be back around six,” Clarke muttered, picking up her coat and making her way toward the door. 

The impending fow leaked out into the hall, and Lexa felt herself breathe when the bedroom door slammed and Abby followed her daughter through the house. Only when everything was centered down in the living room did she slip out from under the bed, goofy grin on her face at the narrow escape she’d made and how absolutely fascinating it’d already been to date Clarke Griffin. 

With a few quick movements and still barefoot but with her clothes in hand, Lexa lifted Clarke’s window, tossed them down, and jumped down to the ground. 

When she turned around, she met the eyes of the man she assumed to be Clarke’s father, or at least the same eyes of the man in all of the pictures that hung on the wall and that Clarke had scattered about her room. 

Frozen, she didn’t move for a solid minute, but it felt much longer. She was certain there was a mark on her neck. She knew that there was lipstick on the white shirt she wore. She knew what it looked like and she gulped before leaning down to pick up her pile of clothes and bolting through the yard as fast as her feet would carry her. 

“Your daughter is absolutely impossible. You have to deal with her because I’m at the end of my rope,” Abby muttered as she stomped her way into the kitchen, beat again by a teenagers innate way of pushing the soft, mushy bruises of one’s person with inherent ease. “She’s out of control, no thought for the future, sleeps all day, works at that shitty diner, obsessing over school girl crushes, and for what? To cheer? To just settle for drawing pictures?” 

Without moving, Jacob Griffin braced himself against the counter in the kitchen as he struggled to finish getting a glass of water from the sink. But he chuckled to himself and shook his head. 

“What’s so funny?” his wife furrowed, crossing her arms. 

“I just saw the weirdest looking deer in the yard.” 

“You aren’t even listening to--”

Off on another tangent, his wife tossed up her hands and ranted through the house while he stood there and shook his head, once again in awe of his daughter’s antics. 

XXXXXXXXXX

“So you jumped out of her bedroom window?” 

“Yup.” 

“And her dad saw?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And you didn’t hook up with her?” 

“No.” 

“But you’re her girlfriend.” 

“Yeah. That’s what she said.” 

Lexa balanced the phone against her ear as she half listened to her sister and half fret over a piece of footage that didn’t feel quite right. She went back and watched the clip a few times, debating the edit Luna had made. Half hunched over her computer desk, her headphones half hung on an ear while the other was tugged to the side so she could hear her sister. She used a pencil to itch her shoulder before jotting a few notes in the often sloppy notebook that spread out across her desk. 

A mug of tea was half-sipped and cooling past the point of enjoyable. Rain tapped against the window, and Lexa could ear the nagging in her sister’s voice. 

“So how do you feel now?” 

“About what?” Lexa furrowed, going back and pressing play again. 

“About dating someone.” 

“Well, it feels pretty much like not dating someone, except now I get to make out sometimes.”

“You’re not like, you know,” Anya ventured, surprisingly walking around the point as gently as she, a human cannonball, was capable. “You’re not like getting too into it, right?” 

“I mean, I’m kind of into it. Clarke’s great.” 

“You can’t get in over your head, Lex.  Be careful.” 

“What do you mean?” she furrowed, confused enough to step back from focusing on the computer. She had a pretty firm deadline and a script to write. Her script. Her submission for college. She had a lot to do as well as study for a physics test, write a history paper, and put together the video for AV club and the championship game. 

“You’ve never done this before,” the eldest cautioned. “Don’t get so wrapped up in someone that you lose yourself.” 

“No, I couldn’t.” 

“You could. It happens.” 

“Not to you.” 

“Because I’m a heartbreaker, not a heartbroken sap.” 

“I’m not a sap.” 

“You are.” 

“How?” 

“Just. Shut up. Listen,” Anya sighed. Across the country she stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk in the busy city on the college side of town. Hidden beneath a thick beanie her hair was fighting against her ears. Streetlights were already on, and she imagined her sister in a similar position to what she could be found, tucked up at her desk and half listening. 

But she was a big sister who failed to protect Aden, and failed to help her sister most of the time, who failed to keep her parents from hiding, who let everyone shrink, and somehow, the self-appointed patriarch of the family was prepared to off some caution. 

“You let someone be part of our life, and you don’t give any of yourself away for them. You feel things different, and it’s not a bad thing. But you are good Lexa. You have to be careful not to give yourself up.” 

“I don’t know what any of that means. I really just felt Clarke’s boobs for the first time last night.” 

“I’m trying to teach you something important, moron.” 

“Well, I don’t know what that means and I’m busy.” 

“I need you to please understand at least part of the way.” 

“Can I call you back?” 

“No, just listen. Just. Okay, focus,” Anya sighed again, heavier than before. “Do you remember when you made me watch that movie where the husband and wife are getting a divorce, but they weren’t good at it? Like they kept fighting and by the end, you were confused how they ever loved each other and she yells at him, something about giving herself up.” 

“Yeah, yeah, that movie was overacted and not edited well.” 

“That’s not the point.” 

“I’m not getting married or giving up my acting career for my husband’s success.”

It wasn’t quite the point, but Anya closed her eyes and shook her head, her cheeks tinted with the chill left in the not-quite-spring air. Maybe something seeped in, and as happy as she was for her sister doing something normal, like making out with a girl, Anya was still apprehensive because who else would be for her sister?

“Good.” 

“That was a very good reference point.” 

“You touched her boobs, huh?” 

“Oh yeah,” Lexa smiled and nodded. 

“How was it?” 

“I’m definitely gay.” 

It was a bark of a laugh, but Anya couldn’t help it. Lexa smiled and blushed slightly at the confession. It felt painfully real and honest. 

“Fine, tell me about whatever you’re working on now.” 

In an instant, Lexa was rambling about the problems with her new project and brainstorming aloud about her script and fretting over if her ideas were stupid or whatever. From the hallway, her father paused by her cracked door, and listened as his daughters talked as they did almost every other day, chatting about everything, even things he wished he hadn’t heard. But he loved them immensely in that moment. 

Before he walked away, he made a mental note to have another sex talk with his daughter. 

XXXXXXXXX

“I’m announcing myself so you don’t hurt yourself again!” 

The voice came down the hall toward the garage as Lexa smiled and carefully extricated herself from beneath the Bronco’s body, grease covering her shoulder and neck. Hair up in a pony tail and old jeans covered in streaks. 

It was not late in the evening, and part of Lexa knew she still had a bunch of stuff to do for the upcoming week, but she couldn’t bring herself to waste a Sunday without putting a little more work into her future car and escaping to the quiet of the garage to commune with the dead for a little while, mulling over her script while she took apart a transmission. 

“You’re right on time to help me.” 

“I don’t really do cars or anything, but I brought you a burger.” 

Holding up a bag, Clarke appeared, grinning and waiting. Lexa accepted the bag and then leaned in for a kiss which was eagerly accepted and added to. 

“How long have you been down here?” Clarke asked, taking a seat on the hood of the old SUV. 

“Um,” Lexa looked at her watch and furrowed again. “Maybe a few hours.”

She took out her food and smiled before taking a bite, knowing enough to earn a disapproving glance because she disappeared into the garage. There was a bit of worry beneath it, something that Clarke didn’t quite understand, but that she was certainly almost getting, about communing and finding peace. 

For a long while the two chatted about nothing and everything in particular, something Lexa was never really known to do. She didn’t usually have much to say, but sh always seemed to with Clarke. And there were moments of quiet, where she worked on something, consulting the giant manual like her father showed her, jotting notes in the pages as she went to work on heavy metal parts. 

Clarke slipped inside the cab, onto the unfinished and torn seats, reclining on the uncomfortable chair. She put her feet up on the dashboard and mused about the upcoming week, and after digging through the engine well, Lexa looked at her and then her mind went blank as her hands moved. 

“You should be the actor in my movie.” 

“That is the worst suggestion I’ve ever heard from you,” Clarke rolled her eyes and adjusted the seat, fiddling with the visor, flipping it a few times. 

“Wait,” Lexa stopped and furrowed, twirling the wrench in her hand for a second. “Maybe not. Anya made a very strong parable with this exact situation.” 

Hip half cocked, Lexa stood and stared at the engine under the hood, unsure of what she said, though she spent a good portion of time truly believing that it was important and that Clarke would be perfect. The disonnence didn’t make sense. 

“I’m not an actor.” 

“It’ll work. Very Linklater-esque, I think.” 

“His movies are too long.” 

“It’ll be easy.”

“I don’t want to interrupt your art or whatever.” 

“I think I really mean it,” Lexa decided, wiping her hands on an old cloth as she surveyed the workbench, afraid to turn around. 

“Why don’t you actually really mean it, and then we can talk numbers.”

“Oh, I can’t pay you anything.” 

“You’ll have to talk to my agent to negotiate.” 

Lexa just rolled her eyes and hopped into the passenger side of her own shell of a car. Clarke greeted her with a big smile as some music played from her phone in the middle of the cup holder. She leaned forward and earned another kiss, this one deeper than the first, content and slightly tired and in need of a shower. But it didn’t stop Clarke from tugging her across the middle. 

“I didn’t get to see you much this week.” 

“Cross country kicked my ass, and finishing this script. This is the first time I’ve made it to the garage. My dad’s going to come down and help me on a few things after dinner.” 

“He just got back, yeah?” 

“Mhm. Stockholm.” 

Clarke pulled back. 

“I shouldn’t mount you, I guess.”

“I mean, I’m okay with it.” 

The cheerleader just laughed and shook her head. 

“Thank you for distracting me.” 

“I didn’t know I was.” 

“You are. I needed it today.” 

“I think that’s part of my job, honestly.”

“I call you my girlfriend once, and you already have a list of job responsibilities.” 

“You’re a full-time job,” Lexa smiled, earning a pretty face and eyes and all of it, even though she was absolutely caked in dirt and had been unresponsive for hours. 

“I know.”

NEXT

[anistarrose]

Fear The Reaper A Lot, Actually - Chapter 2

AO3

Chapter Summary: Angus tries to cope with the pressure. Taako does some sick stunts. Barry is exposed as a cryptid of the necromancy community.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz

“Where are you all going?” Lucretia asked, just as Taako opened the door to the glass sphere the next morning.

“Oh, me? I’m off to give lil’ Ango McDango here some magic lessons!” he fibbed. “Figured Wave Echo Cave would be a nice low-level experience for him to learn the ropes — unless there’s any other murder gloves still down there that we should know about?”

“No — at least not to my knowledge, but…” Lucretia narrowed her eyes. “Why are Magnus and Merle going with you?”

“They also need magic lessons.”

Lucretia frowned. “Merle’s already an accomplished cleric…”

“Yeah, ostensibly,” Taako replied. “But have you ever actually seen him heal?”

“Hey!” Merle shouted from inside the sphere. “I banished a whole bunch of ghosts yesterday, and that’s a cleric thing, isn’t it?”

He frowned. “Is it a cleric thing? I could’ve sworn Pan helped me…”

“It’s absolutely a cleric thing, sir,” Angus assured him, and Merle sighed with relief.

Lucretia shook her head. “Alright, point taken. Just be sure to keep an eye out for the Red Robes — I don’t want anything happening to you all, especially not now when we’re getting so close to collecting all the Relics…”

“It’s okay, Director, you can admit that you’ve grown fond of our dumb shenanigans!” Magnus chimed in from his seat next to Merle.

As Taako climbed into the sphere and Avi aims the cannon, Lucretia smiled sadly. “Yes, that too…”

***

“Was this cave so… for lack of a better phrase, squelchy when you came here last, sirs?” Angus asked as Magnus led the way through the tunnel, axe gleaming from a Light spell just like old times.

“Oh, it was plenty squelchy,” Magnus replied with a grimace. “Squelched all the way to the elevator.”

“It was really more of a splort than a squelch last time,” Merle said. “Still not pleasant, though.”

“I know how to lighten up this squelchy mood!” Taako spoke up. He was holding the Umbra Staff over his head, deflecting the drops of water and occasional fist sized blops of slime that fell from the stalactite-dotted ceiling. “Agnes, prestidigitate up some sparks. I wanna see what arcane skills of your own you’ve got before I start teaching you that Taako-brand magic.”

Angus blinked. “But I thought the magic lessons were… a clever ruse. A cover story.”

“Yeah, but the ruse will get a whole lot cleverer if you actually have some new spells to show for it, you know? Unless you really don’t wanna to learn for some reason —”

“No! I mean, yes! I mean —” Angus took a breath. “I would very much like to learn magic from you, sir. Even if it is just to help you lie to your boss.”

“Are you really gonna teach Merle healing, too?” Magnus asked, shrugging off the gentle elbowing he received from Merle.

“Do I look like I know how to heal? I can brew up a nice soothing tea to help a sore throat and that’s about it! Merle’s Healing Words are between him and the big satyr in the sky.” Taako turned to Angus. “Don’t be shy! Show me what you can do, and even if you mess up, I’ll make sure these goobers only bully you really mildly.”

Angus took a deep breath and closed his eyes, imagining sparks flying from his fingers. Grandpa always said that you’d make a good wizard one day. Time to prove him right, and to prove to Taako that I’ll be worth teaching even after he’s done lying to the Director…

“Whoa!” he heard Magnus gasp, and he opened his eyes. Tiny yellow stars burst in and out of existence in small clouds around his hands, fading as his concentration was broken.

“Hey, that’s pretty good for a first attempt! Wanna be our new cleric?” Taako asked him, earning a grumpy look from Merle. “I’m just kidding. But seriously, have you ever done this before?”

“Not at all, sir. Was it really that good for a first try?”

“Kid, you’re a natural!” Taako reached over and patted Angus’s cap. “Forget the cleric jokes — when I get my soul reaped, I know who the Bureau’s gonna hire as the replacement wizard!”

The proud smile vanished from Angus’s face as quickly as it had appeared, replaced by wide eyes and a quivering lip.

“What’s wrong, Ango?” Magnus asked. “Taako’s just joking — you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I definitely don’t plan on dying and leaving you in my place,” Taako added. “Taako is irreplaceable!”

“I know you’re joking, sir,” Angus told him. “But what I can’t understand is how you can joke about something like that…”

Taako kneeled down next to Angus, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Why, it’s ‘cause I’ve got the world’s greatest detective on my side, of course! I know we’ll find those liches and survive with our souls unreaped, because there’s no one better for the job than you are! So don’t look so glum — the four of us have got nothing to worry about.”

The sentiment was sincere, Angus could tell, which was a rare thing coming from Taako — but it had the opposite of the intended effect, and Angus’s stomach churned.

“You’re p-putting an awful lot of faith into me, s-sir —” he stammered, but he was interrupted as Magnus clapped hands over both Angus and Taako’s mouths.

“Shh!” he hushed them. “Did you hear that?”

“Sounded squelchy, just like everything else in the whole damn cave,” Merle whispered back. “Not at all like undead bones rattling.”

“But maybe squelchy like flesh being reanimated!” Magnus exclaimed in a hushed voice. “Ugh, Taako, did you just lick my hand?”

“I stuck out my tongue on reflex, ‘cause what you just said was gross as hell!” Taako replied, as Magnus wiped off the palm of his hand on a patch of moss growing up the wall of the cave. “Please don’t use any onomatopeia in a sentence with the world ‘flesh’ ever again!”

Angus cupped a a hand around his ear. “Sirs, I’m definitely hearing some non-squelchy voices from down the corridor. Is that also normal for this cave?”

“Must be someone in the main chamber,” Merle said. “Maybe it’s the ghosts of my dead cousins, or —”

He froze. “Hey, Maggie? I’d step away from that moss before —”

Magnus jumped back just in time to doge a gelatinous green arm that burst out of the moss-covered wall, swiping furiously at him. A shoulder and then an entire torso oozed out after it, followed by a head sporting a familiar pointed hat and elfin ears.

“Watch where you wipe my spit next time!” Taako shouted, pointing the Umbra Staff at his slimy doppelganger.

“Then don’t slobber on my hand next time!” Magnus yelled back, drawing Railsplitter.

“Just kill it already to make sure there is a next time for us!” Merle exclaimed. “Kill it with fire!”

Taako fired off a barrage of Scorching Rays, but the moss monster’s arm elongated into a gelatinous Umbra Staff of its own. A putrid-smelling bubble of acid grew from the end of it, and when Taako’s bolts of fire struck it with a hiss, it burst to release a cloud of acrid purple fumes that quickly filled the hallway.

Coughing and cowering behind Magnus, Merle extended his soulwood arm towards the slime construct as he cast Detect Magic. “That’s no moss! It’s got necromantic energy coming out of all its sporophytes!”

“Spor-o-phytes, is that a horny thing? That sounds like a horny thing,” Magnus grunted, fanning the air in front of him. “Not in front of the kid, Merle!”

“Forget about what you should or shouldn’t say in front of me!” Angus yelled, voice muffled as he held his cap over his nose and mouth. “Let’s just get out of here!”

“Got it!” Magnus stashed Railsplitter away, and scooped up Angus in one arm and Merle in the other as he sprinted down the hallway.

Taako followed in hot pursuit, summoning a wind to blast the fumes back in the opposite direction. His doppelganger faltered for a moment in the force of the gust, as drops of slime blew off its body and splattered across the walls, but as the wind subsided, it slowly oozed back together and began to follow the boys, gliding across the floor on a thin layer of liquid.

Magnus burst into the cave’s main chamber and jumped onto the elevator, setting Merle and Angus down as he began to crank the pulley. Merle extended a hand to Taako, who scampered aboard at the last minute before it began to descend.

“Phew,” he muttered, wiping a few drops of slime off his brow. “That was a close one!”

“Uh, sirs? I’m not sure we’re out of the woods yet.” Angus pointed towards the pool at the center of the cave, on top of which a massive pile of soft green moss was growing. Standing around it were three hooded figures, watching the adventurers intently. “We’ve got company.”

“You do indeed!” the tallest of the figures called out. “I thought I heard several someones bickering in the halls!”

“Unlike Chad, who insisted it was just the normal ambient sounds of the cave!” the second-tallest figure added.

The final and shortest figure, presumably Chad, crossed his arms and neglected to respond.

“You guys are necromancers, right?” Magnus asked as the elevator reached the bottom floor. “You ever meet a lich named Barry Bluejeans?”

“A lich?” Chad skeptically tilted his head, which was barely even perceptible beneath the folds of his robe. “The only Barry Bluejeans I know wasn’t a lich — he cheated me out of a whole stack of eldritch tomes in a dice game, and then told me after he’d won that he didn’t even know how to do necromancy! I did an Insight check and everything, and he wasn’t lying!”

“Your Insight bonus stinks, Chad!” the medium-height figure snapped. “The only time I ran into Barry Bluejeans, I got blackout drunk with him at a dark magic convention and when I woke up, he was gone and the Grim Reaper was there arresting the rest of us! Obviously, I got away despite my hangover, but Barry sure wasn’t any help!”

“Okay, that one actually checks out for Barry,” said Taako. “Agnes, jot that down.”

“I, too, have unfortunately crossed paths with this Barry Bluejeans,” the tallest necromancer spoke up. “I had just called forth my army of man-eating cactus homunculi to raze a nearby village, but then Barry foolishly threw himself in their path! The ridiculous amount of denim he was wearing didn’t save him, but he bought the townsfolk enough time to escape before he died, and now I’m banned from every desert in Faerun!”

“Dying unceremoniously also sounds like Barry,” said Merle. “Jot that down too.”

Angus clicked his pen. “This is all very strange, isn’t it? We have confirmation that Barry has died multiple times and returned to life at least once, but between the killed by cacti story and the kidnapped by gerblins story, he doesn’t seem nearly as cunning or powerful as you said Kravitz made him out to be. Why would —”

At the mention of Kravitz’s name, the necromancers all hissed in disgust.

“You four are with the Raven Queen?” Chad gasped. “I thought you just wanted to join our cool fun slime necromancy club!”

Angus held his hands in the air. “Wait, that’s not what I meant! We’re not hunting you, we’re —”

“Feign interest in our dark ways no longer, then!” the tallest figure bellowed, ignoring him. “Slime clone, attack!”

Taako’s doppelganger executed a perfect cannonball dive from above, and Magnus scooped Angus up and out of the way just in the nick of time. The slime monster splattered into a flat puddle on the ground, but quickly began to reform, lunging towards the real Taako and wielding a fake Umbra Staff.

“Actually, Angus, I’m making an executive decision!” Taako declared as he dodged a splash of acid. “These guys suck ass so we are hunting them now, whether Kravitz wants us to or not!”

“The guys by the pond are the ones controlling that thing! Let’s take ‘em out!” Magnus set down Angus next to Taako, then drew Railsplitter with one hand and picked up Merle with the other. “Merle, I need your radiant damage!”

“I guess I just don’t get a choice in the matter, huh?” Merle wailed, frantically flipping through his Extreme Teen Bible as Magnus rushed in.

“Sirs, wait!” Angus yelled. “Look out for —”

Magnus began to skid to a halt — but not before Chad extended an arm, and a tendril of moss shot out of the pool, yanking Magnus’s legs out from under him. Merle’s Guiding Bolt went wide, and he tumbled off Magnus’s shoulder, landing directly on his ass.

“…the moss,” Angus sighed, as the tallest figure directed another tendril of moss to ensnare Merle before he could get to his feet.

The slime monster took a jab at Taako and he instinctively raised his Umbra Staff to block it, only for the umbrella to be engulfed and ripped out of Taako’s hand.

“Oh, fuck off! No one messes with my umbrella —”

From within the gelatinous shape that was looking less and less like Taako by the second, the Umbra Staff opened all on its own and glowed red as it fired off a Thunderwave, blasting the slime monster apart from the inside out and plastering green ooze onto nearly every wall of the cave within a thirty-foot radius.

“What the hell?” Taako caught the umbrella as it sailed back into his hand. “Uh, I mean, that was all me! I meant to do that!”

As its red glow faded, the Umbra Staff closed and gently bonked him on the head as if to sarcastically say Yeah, right.

“Now that’s just unsportly!” the tallest necromancer groaned. He reached into the pool and pulling out an ancient-looking stone staff, covered in vines and humming with energy. “Have you no moral reservations about destroying your own clone?”

“Nah, not really. I’d rather cut off any potential emotionally confusing relationships before they start, you know? That’s how I got to be me, Taako from TV, instead of some schmuck loitering in a cave and tripping over the hem of my own robe!”

“You talk a lot of smack for someone outnumbered and out-necromanced!” Chad growled. “Disintegrate him already, Dave!”

The tall necromancer twirled the staff, firing a vortex of sickly-green lightning at Taako — but Taako was ready, and unfurled his Umbra Staff as he summoned a whirlwind around him. It blew the scent of ozone and rotting wood back into the necromancers’ faces as it lifted Taako into the air like a twirling firework, carrying him up past the elevator and towards the giant stalactite in the center of the cavern.

Without even looking behind him, he plunged a hand into the damp stone at his back, transmuting on instinct and shaping the stalactite to provide him with handholds and footholds. Grinning at the stunned necromancers below him, he pointed his Umbra Staff straight down, and readied another spell.

“Actually, I think you’ll find I talk just the right amount of smack for someone with gravity on my side!” he crowed. “At Amazing Flip Wizard School, we learn to take every advantage we can get!”

As Taako summoned a freezing and highly distracting Sleet Storm, Angus took the opportunity to sneak around the pool, approaching Magnus and Merle from behind the necromancers’ backs. Merle was bound firmly in place with his back to the pool’s raised stone rim, while Magnus lay prone on the ground, flopping in place like a beached whale trapped in a mossy fishing net.

“Sirs?” Angus whispered “I’m not sure I’ll be able to just Prestidigitate you out of there…”

“Can you reach Railsplitter?” Magnus whispered back, awkwardly wriggling in place as he tried and failed to shed the tendrils binding his wrists. “I’m not sure where I dropped it…”

“Oh! I see it!” As the necromancers squabbled over who should be the one to wield their staff and fire back at Taako, Angus darted back towards the elevator —

“Look out!” Merle barked, just before a muscular green arm burst out from a mossy patch of ground at Magnus’s feet, stretching the full ten-meter distance to Railsplitter and swiping it right out from under Angus’s nose. The blade missed him by a hair’s width as the arm retracted backwards, returning to normal size as a full Magnus torso formed beneath it.

“Shit,” Magnus muttered.

At the edge of the pool, where the tendrils of moss that bound Merle touched the water, two ripples formed and from them two translucent dwarf-shaped figures emerged, stepping down onto the cave floor and following in the slimy footsteps of the Magnus clone as it approached Angus. It still wielded a very real Railsplitter in its gelatinous arms.

Angus turned around, ready to bolt for the elevator, but two new Taako clones emerged from the entry tunnel and stood atop the elevator’s upper platform, even in height with the real Taako’s stalactite perch. They drew their umbrellas in sync, one pointing at Taako and the other at Angus.

“Shit,” Merle agreed.

“Not so confident anymore, are you, wizard?” Dave boasted. “Your friends are at our mercy, now — and soon enough, you will be too!”

Even from close to a hundred feet below, Angus could see Taako tense up as he processed the situation… but then, he looked directly at Angus, and nodded solemnly.

“Actually, at Taako’s Amazing School of Flip Wizardry, this is just what we call a final exam!” he shouted, and vanished into thin air.

For exactly the next two-and-a-half seconds, both the necromancers and the slime constructs were too stunned to even react — and then all hell broke loose, as the earsplitting whine of a Shatter spell echoed through the cave and the stalactite exploded.

The second the falling rubble hit the pool, a disproportionately massive deluge of water cascaded across the chamber, instantly obliterating several newly formed Merle clones and knocking the necromancers off their feet. Just before the wave reached Angus, Taako blinked back into existence behind him, grabbing him by the wrist and lifting the two of them into the air with his umbrella.

“Stay up here while I finish the job, okay?” he told Angus, setting him down on the only dry ledge remaining in the cave. Without making eye contact, he smiled as he quietly added: “Don’t want anything to happen to you, ya know?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll —” Out of the corner of his eye, Angus spotted a pillar of decaying brown vines rising from the pile of rubble in the middle of the room. Along for the ride was one of the necromancers, his hands surrounded by crackling dark clouds. “Taako, look out!”

“Fuck!” Taako jumped in front of Angus, reopening his umbrella and bracing himself for the attack — but before the necromancer could unleash the spell, a sapphire-blue bolt of energy tore through the blighted vines suspending him, instantly vaporizing them as he plummeted to the ground and landed with a sickening crunch.

Then the sapphire aura solidified into a long, curved blade of translucent crystal, through which Angus could see tiny soul-lights dancing as the waves of the Astral Sea lapped against an island’s shore. Taako, for his part, was more preoccupied with the figure that manifested to hold the scythe — first appearing as a skeleton, then materializing a long raven-feather cloak, and at last transforming into a handsome dark-skinned man who scanned the situation below with eyes that had clearly seen their fair share of shit, but never anything quite this improbable.

“Well, these certainly aren’t the death criminals I assigned you to capture,” Kravitz said, “but I believe it’s still in both of our best interests to see them killed, so… I take it you’re interested in my help?”

***

End notes:

Between Barry Bluejeans, Jenkins, Lucas Miller, Lydia, and Edward, I like the idea that almost every single necromancer in the extended TAZ Balance universe has a comedically mundane name to contrast with their profession. Hence, Dave and Chad!

Starting with the next update, I’m going to attempt to post new chapters every other week from now on. (I’m working on Chapter 6 right now, so that should give you a rough estimate of how long that schedule will stay consistent.)

[split-n-splice]

This chapter picks up the scene where Ch25 Welfare Check left off. Ya, it's a short one, ya, it's fluffy (I think so anyway), but it leads into things. Not exactly romantic things, but we'll get there. There’s a reference to Bad is Good and Good is Bad (a precursor to this fic) in this chapter, so maybe check that out if you haven’t yet.

Ao3 | FFn | Chapter Art!

[Chapter Guide]

27. Aura of Others – 1

Drakken smirked back at her for a moment, until she wiped her own smile off her face. His gaze hardened to somber stone then and turned down to the cutting board, and Shego had to wonder inwardly if he was imagining it was his competition’s fingers he was slicing through, given the newfound vigor with which he was chopping.

“We leave Friday,” he said decisively. “ASAP.”

Normally she’d be inclined to pluck a slice of pepper from the board and pop off something like, “What’s the rush?” but instead she crossed her arms and bit her lip to stifle a groan. “Mmm, no can do,” she regrettably informed. “Can it wait until Saturday?”

Drakken’s brow creased. “Why? Have a convenience store to rob, do you?” he shot.

She reached for the little paper in her pocket but stopped herself. Her hands were just beginning to spark – her nervous tell. She hid them under the countertop as she reigned it in. “No,” she snorted. “I have a date.” Though maybe angel boy wasn’t so innocent after all. Maybe he’d be down for a little burglary.

The sound of the knife chop-chop-chopping through veggies paused. From the corner of her eye, she could see him staring. Her stomach lurched – she didn’t want to look directly at him – but she shot a frown his way. “You have a problem with that, Doc?” she snipped after a moment.

His eyes snapped back down. “No. Not at all,” he said brusquely and spun around with the cutting board to focus on the stove instead. He flapped a dismissive hand. “Go hog wild. As long as it doesn’t interfere with what I have cooking.”

She watched his back as he worked, grabbing the olive oil and spices from the cabinet to throw in a pan, moving awkwardly as if determined to keep his back to her. She got the sense she wouldn’t be the only one keen on a change of subject. “What are you cooking?” she lazily wondered. She meant to stay perched on the barstool. She didn’t mean to hop off and open up the fridge beside him or steal a glance at the pan.

He shrugged, eyes flickering as he threw a sidelong peek her way. “Fajitas. Do you like fajitas?”

“Better than fish tacos,” she mumbled under her breath.

Shego reached for a can of root beer but caught herself eyeing an elaborately marbled dessert sitting on the shelf below, protected by a sparkling glass lid. He either had a knack for it or he’d been working on his presentation, she mused to herself. She caught a distinct whiff of pumpkin. No wonder it smelled so sweet in the lair. Unbefitting for a villain as it was, her partner was unabashed as ever about his sweet tooth.

“Enough for a guest?” she piped wryly, ignoring the twist in her gut as she leaned back on the fridge to watch the rogue doctor’s frown give way to a strained smirk. For the moment, she focused on the relief that her family had left – which meant she could stick around for dessert.

With something other than value-menu Chow in her stomach, plus an artfully-plated slice of sinfully decadent cheesecake to top it off, she was happier still to sink down in the soft corduroy cushions of Drakken’s couch that evening, hugging a throw pillow under her cheek. She was even content enough to sigh and say nothing in objection when the goober of a man eagerly tuned in to a Space Passage film on television.

The movie was tough to focus on. Shego barely followed, though her droopy fatigued stare straying off toward Drakken time and time again that may have been to blame. He sat slumped in his recliner nearby, absorbed in the franchise sci-fi flick and oblivious to her eyes continuously straying from the hunky Commander Cain. Eventually she tore her eyes away and shut them, nuzzling into the throw pillow and trying not to consider how much it smelled like him, staving off the smirk when the very idea infected her brain.

The room was mostly dark by the time her eyes opened again. The television was off, and only the lamp on the end table was left on to dimly light the den. There was a hand gripping her shoulder, and she turned her bleary eyes up at the dark shape of Drakken kneeling next to her. He smelled of booze again. He really shouldn’t have been leaning close enough she could smell it on his breath, but there he was, ballsy as ever when he’d had a bit to drink.

He swayed unsteadily before plopping over to sit on the floor, and just about melted against the edge of the couch. Shego scooted back a little bit as he rested his cheek on the cushion, his sickly-dark eyelids falling shut. “Why don’t you ever sleep in your own bed?” he grumbled to the corduroy.

She shifted, propping up on an elbow and rubbing her eyes to distract herself from how close his face had been. “Because I hate the springs,” she fibbed, and stifled a yawn. She didn’t want to admit that the mattress was one more bad night away from being completely unusable, if that. She slept better on the couch anyway.

The boozy man heaved a long sigh and hefted himself to sit in an almost upright position. She might be inclined to lecture him if the drinking habit kept up. “I suppose you want a ride home now, hm?”

“You couldn’t ask before you started drinking?” she groused. She bit back further chiding for now, giving a grimace and shake of her head. Even if he was in a state to drive, she wouldn’t want to go. She wasn’t ready to be tempted so soon by an addictive sleep aid, one of the scarce few things that promised relief. Too bad it came with side effects. Sinking back down into the pillow, she grumbled, “Go to bed, Doc.”

Drakken grunted as he stood up on wobbly legs. “Yes, ma’am.” He spun toward her as he backed away, kicking the coffee table and nearly falling as he went, and Shego wondered if he even knew what he was saying as he gave an awkward bow and made an even more awkward offer. “Well, if you care to join – i-it’s fit for a king – I mean, um – there’s room. ‘Night!”

She stared as he quickly retreated, shuffling and tripping his way out of the room. She didn’t hear his door click shut, and she stared for an extra moment as she deciphered the invitation before her face flushed pink.

The whole point of crashing at the lair tonight was to escape the temptation of popping another special little pill. And the whole reason for the temptation in the first place was a lack of control over an accursed otherworldly gift she was still battling to tame.

So it didn’t make a lot of sense to sit up, kicking away the fleece throw blanket that had been courteously draped over her. Her eyes remained on the door tucked away in the niche, and she gripped her knees tight enough her nails dug through the denim. She drew a deep breath. She wasn’t warm. He didn’t make her warm. She inwardly repeated it like a mantra, even as she tugged the collar of her blouse, blowing down it in a futile effort to cool herself.

It didn’t make sense when she stood either, and it made less sense to gravitate toward that door when she really should have been turning around and heading out the other to go home, or to her own room, or something.

It was cracked – she’d expected that – but she didn’t expect herself to raise her knuckles to rap lightly and push it open. Curiosity reeled her in, hook, line, and sinker.

Like the den, Drakken’s bedroom was dark, save for a reading lamp perched on the shelf built into the headboard of the oversized bed, casting a warm yellow glow. She’d stolen a peek once before when the lights were on, weeks ago, and silky scarlet bedding indeed fit for a king had been alarming then, but the bedspread had since been replaced with something more suitable to the new season. She could barely see his shape beneath the puffy blue comforter, and she couldn’t help musing how small and lonely he looked in the huge bed. Fidgeting anxiously with the beads around her wrist, her feet carried her forward before she could think twice.

The spring water stream cutting through the room was like a clear line warning her not to come any closer. Shego paused at the edge as a distant sense of déjà vu echoed at the back of her mind, and she couldn’t help reaching for her throat.

There’d been a warning line before, years ago. He’d crossed it with zero regard, though it had been clearly painted across the floor of her chamber at the research facility, marking how close was too close to the volatile subject she’d been reduced to. Maybe she should have taken the trench as a similar warning.

She crossed it anyway.

But not before clipping off the stupid bracelet and stuffing in the pocket of her jeans. It hadn’t felt so much like jagged rocks digging to her wrist until now. It didn’t even feel right in her pocket, and she had half a mind to discard it in the flow of murky water.

Heat rose around her collar again, but each step closer had yet to feel like an outright mistake as she circled cautiously around to a vast open side of the bed.

Drakken lay bundled on his side, something fuzzy and brown tucked under his chin as he scratched away lazily in his little leather notebook. He licked a finger and flipped a page to start on another before Shego cleared her throat softly, and his heavy-lidded eyes cut up to her through the skewed glasses. The book snapped shut and was quickly tucked under his pillow, one of several heaped on his bed, all bearing miss-matched pillowcases in shades of blue or red or grey.

Shego took half a step back when he jerked upright, catching his spectacles before they could fall off his face. He fixed the glasses on his nose, jaw unhinged, and she tried not to stare back. The once-over he gave her didn’t help the rising warmth she had to steel herself against with a deep breath.

His mouth moved, and she didn’t catch what came out, but she was sure it was confused gibberish anyway.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously on him. The open space was inviting, offering ample room to toss and sprawl. “Do you promise not to touch me?” she asked carefully. It shouldn’t be hard to keep to the edge. The size of the bed was absurd really, at least for someone so solitary.

She shouldn’t be considering.

Drakken both shook his head and nodded, and looked rather confused himself in that moment. He all but tore off his glasses then, folding them up and discarding them to the shelf, as if to willingly blind himself so he wouldn’t have to look her in the eye. “Ah…yes?” he practically croaked.

“Pinky swear?”

Without question, he raised a hand and stuck out his pinky, but retracted it and pursed his lips with a hum. “That would be touching you,” he said absolutely, sounding a little too straight-laced and polite for a guy wearing an old rock-n-roll shirt to bed.

“Good catch.” A smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth. Shego fidgeted, but the buttons of her blouse shouldn’t have been what she fidgeted with. “I’ll kick your ass if you do,” she added without the conviction to back up the threat, and bit her lip as she hoped he wouldn’t prove crossing the line to be a mistake. She hoped he was as blind as she suspected he was, but even if he wasn’t, she might not mind the gawping as long as he kept his end of the deal.

She didn’t know what she was thinking, because the sake of comfort couldn’t be the sole reason for shedding her layers. She was warm, sure, but she could ignore the fact as she smirked impishly at the alarmed stare snapping down to her waist as her fingers popped off the last button in question. She almost laughed when stark uncertainty dawned on the tipsy man and he bit down hard on his lip, completely frozen and holding his breath. No sooner had Shego stripped down to her camisole did he throw himself back down, back to her before he could witness her stepping out of her jeans as well.

She couldn’t say she was all that let down he’d lost the brazenness that seemed to come hand-in-hand with alcohol lately. She wasn’t terribly offended by the cold shoulder either. If anything, it came as a comfort, as she could breathe easier when she wasn’t being watched. She was pushing her luck already, and she didn’t need to cross anymore lines tonight. She’d gone far enough. If she could just withstand this without the drug, then she could withstand Friday night.

A deep breath to calm her nerves once more, and Shego slipped into the soft cushy bed and under the heavy cover. She tried not to think back on the unwelcome wakeup call she’d had the last time she’d nodded off somewhere she shouldn’t have. Staring at Drakken’s back well out of reach, she relaxed, convinced he wouldn’t prove this to be a mistake after all.

The inferno of alien fire raging to be let out died down and she felt a few degrees cooler as she unwound with remarkable ease. Maybe she was being just a little too trusting, but she’d grown foolishly comfortable with this scientist over the past several weeks. She was banking on the rising villain to stay trustworthy.

Every blink stung, but rather than shutting them for good, her tired eyes strayed from Drakken’s back to the brown thing that had been discarded, forgotten on the sheets between them. She raised her brow but decided not to mention it until his own measured breathing had relaxed. By then, she couldn’t hold a small laugh back any longer. “You sleep with a teddy bear?”

By the level of irritation in the man’s harrumph, he’d nearly been asleep. She caught a glimpse of his purple face as he patted around behind himself for it, grumbling unhappily, “It was my dog’s.”

The room felt cold suddenly, which might have been a welcomed sensation if she were at home battling the resolve not to pop a pill. The thought of Drakken all alone in the great big bed crossed her mind again, and she tried to imagine him in the lab with a dog around to remind him to take a break for fresh air and a walk. She kept her mouth shut about the little memento, muttering instead, “I didn’t know you had a dog.”

“Yes, well, there are a lot of things about me you don’t know.”

“But I could know them,” she whispered over, watching his shoulders tense. She wriggled a bit to get comfortable, and maybe a couple inches closer. “What kind of dog?”

Drakken deflated with a long weary sigh. “He’s…was a beagle.”

She decided not to press it further. Now was the time for sleep, not for idly chitchatting like middle-schoolers at a sleepover. She was ready to shut her eyes, but suddenly Drakken shifted and her heavy lids snapped back open as he reached for the lamp. “Leave it on,” she blurted.

“Why?”

“Because – um.” She zipped her lips. Because she didn’t want to be sitting in the dark, with pinpricks of her nerves standing out like stars in the night. But wasn’t that why she was lying here anyway? To challenge her nature? She didn’t need him accusing her of being afraid of the dark. That would only worsen her condition and get her wound up again. “Nevermind. Whatever. Hit it.”

And the room went dark, save for the red glow of the digital alarm clock on the shelf.

As her eyes adjusted, she heard the shuffle and felt the slight shift across from her, still safely out of reach. He’d turned to face her now, the faint glint of light shining off his lenses indicating he’d donned his spectacles again. Nerves fluttered back to fan the alien fire at the thought that maybe he only needed the dark to get gutsy again. His pensive hum didn’t help. She was ready to snap at him to take a picture, it would last longer.

“You’ve got freckles?”

“What—”

“Like radium,” said Drakken between yawns. “Radium freckles.” No doubt about it, he was looking at her.

She wanted to roll over and bundle up so he couldn’t see any of her skin whatsoever, but she couldn’t even tuck a stray arm under the cover, momentarily frozen. She didn’t need to glance at herself to know the little pinpricks of plasma were firing off. Even her breath felt hotter now, the more she tried to restrain it. She shifted, hugging herself and rubbing a bare arm as if she could rub away the pinpoints of plasma looking for an exit. She wished for a fleeting second that she had the damn bottle of pills handy after all.

“Doesn’t it freak you out?” she wondered a little too crossly.

“Nah,” Drakken grunted. “It’s rather pretty. Dangerous things tend to be.”

Her brow furrowed. It was reassuring, and comforting, and it made her warm in the worst way – but it was midnight. It was time to shut up. So she grabbed one of the many pillows piled up and threw it in the general vicinity of his head. “Go to sleep, Doc.”

[bloody-fists-beating-hearts]

It’s a Fallout76/Bethesda rant

Bethesda just released Fallout 1st, a horseshit pay-to-win subscription system for their absolute cum-bubble of a game, and while it’s getting the flack it deserves there are people already putting on their kneepads so they can gobble down Todd Howards entire turgid cock, and as someone who likes rpg’s way too much this irked me, so have a massive and barely coherent rant i took off the discord because why not.

I want to start off with this:  Every good thing about current fallout comes from the fanbase. The stories people tell, the headcanons, the fanfics, the art, everything fans do for it is made with more love, and more thought, than anything Bethesda’s writing and games design team has done in the last 10 years

Now first of all, I haven’t bought or played 76. People are gonna stop me right there and go ”well you haven’t bought it how would you know its bad!!” yeah, I’ve never eaten dog shit either but I can pretty well guess that I ain’t gonna fucking like it.

I knew the second he said "there are no npcs" with actual enthusiasm that this game was gonna be shit. And if you give me 2 seconds to gloat, I never bought the game and I knew this was gonna happen and I was RIGHT so suck my fat hairy nuts all those fanboys who pre-order things mindlessly just because there's a brand name attached to it. If there is anything you take from this its DO NOT PREORDER. BRAND LOYALTY IS FOR BOOMERS AND BOOTLICKERS. FOR FUCKS SAKE BE SMART WITH YOUR MONEY.

Games like this are fucking 80-90 dollars or more in Australia so I actually have to think about whether this momentary distraction is worth almost an entire days paycheck, and I’m still looking for employment which means I actually haven’t bought shit in a while (side note, anyone wants to commission me for 10 dollars I’ll draw damn near anything. God I need to make rent)

Every executive at Bethesda seems to be playing catch-up to EA's monetisation scheme. Beth has abandoned their model of single-player rpg's in favour of a "games as a service" model. Fallout 76 seems to me like its a weird experiment for just how far they can stretch this and still make money. It actually makes me wonder if they are 

 a) just completely unaware of fanbase response [no idea HOW]

b) are running into financial problems and are doing this out of desperation

 c) todd howard is still mad that obsidian made a better fallout than he ever could and he's doing this out of spite 

  Games as a whole has become much like the movie industry where publishers will throw big buckets of cash around to development teams, and those teams have CEO's and higher ups that throw lavish meet n greets and have nice fancy suits and cars and then treat their development teams like shit, overworking them to the point of exhaustion, because the product has to be on time for release dates that are scheduled to be the most profitable (christmas is a notable one). 

And those products are consistently bland, shitty, shallow experiences. Narrative cum-dumpsters that are purposefully made to toe the line as safely as possible, to be open to as wide as an audience as possible so they can make the most money, and Bethesda is a huge offender. Skyrim was fun, sure, but it was watered down to fuck, it had shitty dialogue, it had bland one-note characters, it had a simplified skill system. It was impossible to lose. Seriously, try and fail a fucking quest in skyrim, other than one or two, it's a hand-holder of an rpg, but it has a huge community of fans that put in monumental effort, for free, because they like the Elder Scrolls, and they like the world bethesda made. 

  Then Bethesda goes "hey, that watered down thing we made got huge! lets release it about 12 more fucking times, with some of the SAME bugs, with the SAME content, with the SAME limitations and Yes, we absolutely expect you to pay for it, again. Then they release the remastered edition which, to their credit, is free to anyone who already bought the legendary edition (on PC), and does actually have updated 64bit capability and some graphical enhancements (that aren't anywhere near what some goober in his basement cooked up in his spare time, but whatever). Then, seeing that Skyrim was so popular, with kids especially, and made money, they turn their sights to fallout 4, a game that was so anticipated that someone made a fake countdown and caused a small meltdown on tumblr/social media when it was revealed to be fake (i was part of that fiasco, i remember the hype, i was there goddamnit)

So Fallout, a franchise that literally has its theme as its FUCKING TAGLINE, an ADULT game that is equal parts crude, gory and humorous. A game that satirises the cold war era of american my-country-tis-of-thee blind loyalty and openly mocks the way war was idealised, and shows that not even the literal end of the world could either stop humanity's lust for blood or its desire for conquest. Games that showed you the growth of the world - from shady sands to the NCR, from the vault dweller to arroyo, shit actually happened in the games, the world didn't just stop turning when the bombs dropped. A game where you you become a porn star for fucks sake, and it's funny. 

So Bethesda sees that, makes something like it (fallout 3) which is good, but a little rough around the edges when you look at it too hard. But the way they suck you into the vault, the way they build a relationship with your dad and your way of life is immersive as fuck, so when you leave the place you actually feel like you're leaving something important, not just finishing the tutorial

then they outsource a Fallout game to obsidian, because hey, we saved your franchise by buying it off you, but if you can make an entire game in one year and get a metacritic score of 85 we'll even throw in a bonus. And fuck me sideways and in the ear, if the obsidian devs didn't work themselves harder than a 4-armed hooker. And they made a game that on release was a clusterfuck of bugs, because they were given an unrealistic time limit and missed the metacritic score by ONE POINT so bethesda goes "nhey heh sucks to suck" and fucks them off the franchise forever. EXCEPT (and I admit I'm biased here) the game is good. The game is actually really good when you remove those bugs, and people start forming attachments to it, and mentioning how bad fallout 3's writing is by extension. 

  So Todd and Co. in his infinite wisdom, decide that the only thing a fallout rpg needs is 50s aesthetic and fuck all else, and he releases a game so watered down it can't even be called an rpg. And its not. There are no skills. There are barely any dialogue checks. Instead of dialogue, Nate/Nora is a flat, samrish individual that is either "yes sir right away sir may i have another", "yes but i'm gonna make an unfunny quip about it" "this option pretends to say no but its gonna give you the quest marker anyway". 

The game drops any pretence of difficulty by giving you a deathclaw, a minigun and some power armour in the first 10 minutes, allowing you to effectively reach late-game power levels with some minor scavenging for ammo or cores. Then the game ropes you into some inter-faction war that realistically you wouldn't give a shit about, because some spud in a cowboy hat fucking deputizes you into a military general because you shot like 4 raiders from a rooftop (with a minigun. in power armour. making you nigh-invulnerable to bullets). You're sad about your son about 3 times the whole game and then you're on your merry way to mowing down humans left right and center without a care in the world. God fallout 4's writing is so stupid it gives me an aneurysm.

 Remember the part about resources wars and america only having the veneer of a strong country while riots, inflation, and resource shortages tore it apart from within? Bethesda doesn't, have an eerily stepford pastel coloured glimpse at a world that was totally fine, nothing wrong here, shame it got nuked oh well moving on

Your spouse? yeah you love them, they're said 2 whole sentences to you then they died, be sad because you totally loved them and it is totally sad that they are dead. Your weird play-dough son shaun, you love him so much, you even tickled him on the chin once, okay he's gone off you go to chase him - woah now, don't chase him too hard we have all these side quests for you to do! What would be the narrative reasoning for a supposedly distraught parent to fuck around boston instead of finding their goddamn child? fuck knows! just go pick up some goddamn wood and get to base building sonny-jim! 

Companions? yeah, they're fun, we gave them a romance questline and it's thus: if you pick enough locks and pass a minor charisma check maccready will be ready and willing to tell you about his sick child, and then he'll ride you like a stallion. Talk to him like, 4 times, and he will be your bosom buddy for life in about 3-5 days if you just pick locks like a fucking madman, because character growth is hard and counting beans is easy.

 Also your son is a part of the faction we were talking about! something about synths, remember that one questline from rivet city that barely anyone actually remembers and was an interesting time waster at best? Well get ready to do that same quest but about! 15! more! times! because we could not think of anything else to write about synthetically produced humans that assume peoples identities other than having them as a hamfisted metaphor for slavery. Why do they take over people's identies? Well because the institute needs them to aasdkfjdh kshshshsh t9oe of course. 

Speaking of hamfisted metaphors, here's the underground railroad, named after the underground railroad that actually mattered, except this time its the same thing but synths. They are so top secret that the only way to find them is to follow the only bright red line in a street that is exclusively green-brown otherwise, and then enter their super secret password, which is "password"

They are then, like every other faction, absolutely willing to trust you, at face value, no questions asked, because have to actually do something or require a skill check might make this hard for people under the age of 12 to play. Then you go do whatever fuckin shit you do, I stopped playing at this point, and then you find out your son is actually 60, you guys have a tearful, 10 sentence reunion, then he diesthe whole reason you were out here in the first place dies, and you react appropriately, which is to say you say his name really sadly, and then go back to mowing down raiders with reckless abandon

And then 76 gets released, bethesda drops all pretense of fallout still being an rpg. You want a story? Fuck you, pay up. Its retro future and thats all that makes falloutSatirizing war mongering? You can nuke things in this game and its totally fine, its actually the goal, because fallout has nukes in it right? Pay us 10 dollars and you get army olive drab spraypaint because hurrgh war is fun and great, wasnt that the tagline from the first game?The more i rant the more angry i am because people put their heart and soul into writing this. The lore and dialogue is actual work that someone researched and loved and felt proud of and now  it's becoming a hilariously meta parody of itself. 

Honestly FUCK bethesda and and fuck todd howard for his pisspoor cash grab. Not even worth calling it a video game anymore

[triscribe]

WELL THEN

I got an idea, and I absolutely rolled with it:

MCU/Into the Spiderverse Crossover time!

Despite the gunfire still going on, the distant sound of explosions telling him the fight was by no means over, Peter can’t help but stare at the other Spider-man and think, his suit looks so much cooler than mine.

(“Proper priorities, kid. You don’t have them.” That was what Tony liked to tell him a lot, anyway.)

“Uhhh-” The other Spider-man is staring at him, white lenses of his mask stretched as wide as they’ll go. “I can explain.”

Peter wordlessly points at the demonic-alien-monster dude lying prone on the ground between them - the one the other Spider-man had jumped over, tapped on the head, and apparently zapped into unconsciousness.

“How?” He demanded. “Do you have your own version of Widow Bite tasers in your suit or something?”

“Widow what?”

There’s another explosion, way closer than those previous. Close enough to make the ground shake, and a cloud of debris rain down on them. Peter ducks, and when he looks back up, the other Spider-man is gone, vanished.

Apparently literally.

An invisible hand shoves something into his own, and a voice whispers, “Tap the green button when this is all over and it’s safe to talk, I’ll come find you. Until then, I’m sorry, but I kinda gotta lay low.”

Then Peter is, supposedly, alone again. After taking half a minute to try and settle the multiple streams of thought running through his head, he tucks the little fob thing into a pocket on his hip and runs back to the fight.

-Spiders-

Once the dust has settled and all the demonic-alien-monster things are taken down, Tony pauses long enough to check on him before taking off to start coordinating with the Department of Damage Control people, and Rhodey and Vision take off for the closest hospital with the concussed Falcon and “lightly stabbed” Black Widow, and Captain Rogers is coordinating with Doctor Strange and Wasp and Captain Danvers to track where these things came from and whether there are more to be stopped - really, they were all busy enough Peter couldn’t have found a moment to tell them about the other Spider-man even if he’d wanted to.

And, oddly enough, he doesn’t really want to.

So, while Hawkeye’s busy checking over Scarlet Witch and Ant-man’s on the phone reassuring his daughter everything’s okay, Peter slips away.

“Karen? Can you let Friday know that I’m fine and just, hanging out of the way? In case Mister Stark asks.”

*Of course, Peter.*

“And, um, don’t mention anything about the- the other Spider-man, okay? Not just yet.” He jumps, fires a web, and swings up to perch on top of a partially scorched billboard.

*If that’s what you want, I don’t have to say anything. But I am obligated to warn you to be careful, in case he’s not what he seems.*

“Yeah,” Peter huffs, sitting down and letting his legs dangle. “No kidding.” And with that, he pulls the fob thing back out, finds the green button, and taps it.

A few minutes later, the same weird spidey-sense-but-not makes the back of his neck tingle. There’s a muted thump, followed by hesitant footsteps headed towards him along the top of the billboard.

Peter turns his head, and squints when he still can’t see anything. “Man, your suit is way cooler than mine if you’ve got a stealth mode that sophisticated.”

The other Spider-man flickers into view, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his head. “That, uh, that’s not the suit.”

Blinking, Peter tilts his head, studying the black and red patterns of the cloth, and realizes it really is just that - cloth. Shiny, probably reinforced, but without any of the little details that would indicate circuitry woven in like his own.

“...huh,” he says after a long moment. “So, wait, the invisibility and zapping thing - those were both you?”

Chuckling, the other Spider-man sits beside him. “Yeah. I’m weird, I got bonus powers along with the regular Spidey assortment.” There’s barely a pause to allow for that statement to sink in before he goes on. “Um, by the way - you’re a Peter Parker, right?”

What. The heck.

“Please don’t freak,” the other Spider-man blurted, holding up his hands in a wary gesture. “I saw what some of those friends of yours could do and I absolutely do not need you freaking out and bring them down on my head, so- please- don’t.”

Previously frozen, Peter’s breath suddenly seemed to whoosh out of his lungs all at once. “What. The heck.”

“I know, I know. But, I’m from another universe, where your secret identity was kinda, um, revealed? Ousted? Made known to the general public, anyway.” After a moment, he lifted a hand and tucked back his mask, revealing a dark-skinned face that was grinning awkwardly. “So, anyway, I’m Miles Morales. The, not-so one and only Spider-man.”

Peter continued to stare at him. “...well. Uh. Okay then? Can we rewind to the other universe thing, ‘cause I have a feeling that would explain a lot.”

And it does, just not in ways he was expecting.

-Spiders-

“Oh man, you got your hand stuck in her hair? Dude-”

“Oh, trust me, my day got so much worse from there.”

“Worse how?”

“Well, I managed to rip half my clothes off, fell out a freakin’ window and got stuck to the wall-”

-Spiders-

“Dead?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t die, Mister Stark would kill me!”

-Spiders-

“Wait wait wait- there are other Spider-people too?!”

-Spiders-

Half an hour later, both Peter and Miles are sitting with their masks off, staring out across the rubble filled battlefield that had been an otherwise normal town just that morning.

“So how’d you wind up here, anyway?” Peter finally thinks to ask.

“Gwen’s multiversal watch thing works pretty well when she wants to go universe-hopping, but the replica she made for me? Not so much. It glitched, and I think I got swept up with whatever teleporter those freaky dudes you were fighting used to get here.”

“Do you need to fix it to get home? I could probably get Mister Stark to help, his lab’s the best there is-”

“Nah, man, I’m good - that goober I gave you? Which I kinda need back by the way, thanks - it’s a tracker. Soon as I push the red button, a distress call heads straight for Gwen, wherever she is, and she’ll come get me soon as she can.”

“Oh. Okay then. But, why haven’t you pressed it already? You could’ve done that first thing!”

Miles just shrugs at him. “I didn’t really want to leave you hanging with no explanation.”

Peter blinks, and then grins. “Well, thanks. You didn’t have to.”

“Hey man, with great power-” The other boy trails off, looking at him expectantly. When Peter only stares back, he straightens, clearly surprised. “Wait, do you not have that?”

“Have what?”

“The saying! Dude, every Peter Parker I’ve met in the last year has the same saying! The code, the creed, catchphrase, whatever you call it - with great power comes great responsibility?”

Mulling it over, Peter slowly nods. “That- huh. That sums it up really well.”

Miles nods too, a lot more firmly.

-Spiders-

Fifteen minutes after the red button is pushed, just as Karen is informing Peter that the Avengers are packing up to head back to the Compound, a portal bursts to life on the ground in front of the billboard. He and Miles jump down to land beside it, right as another person in white and black and pink comes darting through.

“Miles, I am so sorry, I promise I’ll fix whatever went- whoaaa, hold up, who is this?”

“Pete, meet Spider-woman - Gwen, meet yet another Peter Parker,” Miles grins. Peter waves, a little hesitant, because the girl that his new friend has told him about is just, staring.

“Um, hi there...?”

“Yo, Gwanda, you okay?”

Their concern seems to snap her back, and Gwen nods, almost frantically. “Yeah, yeah I’m good, just- I haven’t been face to face with a Peter our age, is all.”

Miles frowns, but it’s Peter who asks, “And that’s weird, why?”

“Ahh... because, in my universe, there was a Peter my age,” Gwen says slowly, pushing back her hood and tugging off her mask as well. She looks back up with watery eyes, and Peter knows where she’s going with this even before the words come out. “He was, my best friend. And then I got him killed.”

Well. He half knew where she was going.

It doesn’t entirely surprise him when Gwen suddenly darts forward, arms wrapping around his torso as she buries her face his shoulder. He tentatively hugs her back.

After a moment she pulls away again, swiping almost angrily at her eyes. “So, we’ve got to get going, but uh, do you want to stay in touch?”

“Sure,” Peter says, with an honest grin. “That would be really cool.”

“Okay, cool, then I will save this universe’s setting, and we’ll be back! At some point. Once I fix Miles’s watch.”

“Yeah, I’d appreciate not getting stranded again,” the other boy says in a deadpan voice. The other two laugh, and he joins in after a moment. “Seriously though, Peter, you hang onto this, and we’ll come back soon, okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m looking forward to it already!” He accepts the fob again, and waves as the two of them jump through Gwen’s portal. It crackles and fades away a few seconds later, and he’s left alone in the shadow of the billboard. “...man, Mister Stark is never gonna believe this...”

If, of course, Peter ever decides to get around to telling him.

-Fin!-

No idea if/when this will be posted to my fan fic accounts, I kinda want to see if I’m able to churn any more out before I loose that spark of inspiration. Anywho, thanks for reading!

(P.S. I have no idea if Spiderverse Miles gets his comicbook counterpart’s Venom Shocks or not, but for the moment I’ve decided my version of him does. So there.)

[tiffanytheweirdo]

Everything I need--Avalance

I finished writing this short fic on a train with in 30 mins in one go I'm impressed by myself too. Did some fine tune on wording and here is it out for reading everyone! Enjoy! xx

Also, the 19th way to say I love you of Sanvers is up now too! Go check it out in the link below.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15092165/chapters/45234886

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"Sara" Ava whispers her girlfriend's name in the dark room, trying to get a response.

Sara has locked herself up in her quarter after a rough mission, probably blaming herself for what had gone wrong. The mission supposed to be easy and quick, but the sudden appearance of some old enemy of Sara had made things go south. Charlie ends up being shot and is currently in the med bay being healed by Gideon.

Zari called Ava after settling her own girlfriend in the med bay, telling her what happened and that an also-hurt Sara had run off to lock herself up.

"Just leave me alone" Sara grunts in response, voice rough and obviously pained.

Ava sighs, of course Sara is going to try push her away. But she's here to stay so she walks towards the direction of Sara's voice. Now adapted the darkness in the room, Ava can see better and she finds her girlfriend curling up in the corner, knees drawn up to her chest.

"Can I turn on the bedside lamp to at least see you face better?" Ava kneels in front of Sara and asks gently.

"Ava--" Sara tries to protest but all she can get out is her girlfriend's name.

"It's okay babe, I'm here" Reassuring the smaller blonde, Ava quickly walks to turn the small light on and resumes to her position in front of Sara.

She can barely hold back her gasp when the warm light light up the room. Sara's white suit is mostly red now, with blood that maybe is her enemy's, Charlie's, or even her own.

But it's the tear tracks on Sara's face that break Ava's heart.

"Oh Baby" Ava's heart is aching for the hurting girl in front of her.

"No Ava, just let me be" Sara avoids eye contact with Ava, looking anywhere and everywhere but her.

"I just want to make sure you're okay. I'm worried. We are"

"You don't have to" Sara comments dryly, still not looking at Ava.

Ava sighs again, sitting sown onto the floor. This is gonna be a long night.

Hovering her hands on top of Sara's, Ava wait for Sara's slight nod as permission before linking their hands. Because Ava knows that sometimes touching will just cause Sara more distress.

The pair just sit on the floor like that for a while, Ava caressing the back of Sara's hand lovingly. 

"Do you wanna talk about what happened?" Ava decide to give it a gentle push a few moments later. So she asks gently, although she already knows.

"Don't you already know?" Sara's sarcastic side has come out as defense mechanism.

"Babe, it's just me. You don't have to be this strong all the time" Ava moves one of her hand to cup Sara's cheek, tilting her face so their eyes can meet.

The raw pain in Sara's eyes is too strong that Ava has to close her own eyes to collect herself. She leans forward to press their foreheads together after a kiss on Sara's forehead.

"You're wrong Ava" Sara states dryly out of the blue.

"Sara?" Ava doesn't understand where is this coming from.

"I'm not strong, not at all" Sara bows her head as if she feels shameful.

Ava squeezes Sara's hand, encouraging her to keep talking.

"If I am strong, Charlie won't get hurt. If I'm strong, Zari won't be worrying so much. Hell, you won't be here hurting to see me like this" Sara's voice breaks, she can't hold it anymore. The dam is breaking.

"Come here babe" Ava scoots forward to gather Sara onto her lap, wrapping her arms securely around the now weeping girl.

Sara sobs into Ava's shoulder, her entire figure shaking.

"Just let it all out baby, it's okay" Ava just holds Sara and let her pour all the pain out, whispering comforting words to her.

When Sara's sob subsides and turns into occasional sniffles against her chest, Ava starts to talk.

"Listen to me babe, you said I'm wrong but I have to say it's the other way round. You, Sara Lance, are the strongest woman I have ever met. If you are not strong, how can you survive all the horrid things you've been through? If you are not strong, how can you be living with all the pain you carry in your heart? If you are not strong, how can you be this gorgeous covering in all the scars that prove you are so fucking strong? I know sometimes it's hard for you to believe that you are good and I always wish that you can see yourself the way I do" Ava pauses to life Sara's head off her chest so she can look into those icy blue eyes she loves so much.

"Sara Lance, everything you are just make you the perfect Sara Lance I need and love. Remember this, you goober, no matter how much you push me away or how you say I'm wrong, I'm here to stay, not going anywhere"

Sara stares at Ava in shock. This is the first time someone declares their love for her out loud and promising not to leave her no matter what in front of her, looking right into her eyes.

Tears pooling at her eyes again, Sara buries her head against Ava's front, and she murmurs.

"I love you Ava Sharpe"

"I love you too Peter Pan, you're gonna be okay" Ava replies, a small smile on her face.