#I amuse myself

[foolsocracy]

omg ally

[theghooligan]

mikey: happily singing and telling his doryaki’s story—

izana:

[tamvmat]

Ok this one ended up a bit of a shitpost. I wanted to draw a Bobbit Worm and a Dredge aberration version. Then I thought, you know, bobbit worms are terrifying enough just as is. The Elder Gods decided to leave these guys alone.

Just.. gave him a hat.

[teastainedprose]

Play With Fire, Chapter 3 (Homelander x Reader)

Homelander finds your apartment empty and Homelander is going to be a creep about it. This chapter is a fluff break and an extra one from what I'd originally planned. 1.7k words, No sexual content. Female, plus-sized reader. Slight warning for hints of animal abuse. [AO3 Link, Chapter 1, Chapter 2]

You’re not home. This is new. Homelander frowns as he drops to his usual perch a building away as he surveys the area before scanning through your apartment building. It’s past lunchtime and normally you’d be settled at your desk working away on your PC, but the chair is empty. The laptop is closed and shut down. Where has his little bug scurried off to?

His frown further sours as Homelander scans your usual haunts around your apartment, but he doesn’t catch sight of your plump little figure anywhere. He blinks, reorienting his x-ray vision back to your apartment for another glance before his eyes snag on the whiteboard above your desk. It’s a weekly planner where he’s often seen notes of chores, appointments, or what meals you plan to have quickly scribbled on it. It’s Monday and on the planner is scribbled ‘FIRST DAY’. 

He puzzles over that before it hits him. A new job, that must be it! He’s so clever. Homelander has certainly seen you scroll job postings and even caught you coming home from an interview in the cutest little businesswoman get-up. So fetching, he could have eaten you right up.

Now what sort of new job did a worker bee like you get? Something to research later, Homelander mentally notes as he glides quietly down to your balcony. There’s a better use of his time right now. You’ll be out for a few more hours yet, of this he’s certain. First day and all. Better make a good impression, little bug. Homelander chuckles to himself at the thought as he peeks into your apartment.

Today is the perfect opportunity to indulge, and Homelander has never been one to hold back.

The balcony door isn’t locked and opens quietly under his hand as Homelander smiles to himself, stepping inside. He already knows the layout, walking briskly across the wooden floor as he takes everything in from this new perspective. Being inside, instead of a silent observer of your apartment from above is a new experience for him. Now he gets to experience your world in truth. Homelander takes everything in with a new eye as he walks about, pausing to straighten a photograph or trace his fingers across the spines of your books. You’ve built a cozy little den here. It’s nothing compared to his opulent penthouse, but it reflects a creature such as yourself well enough. None of it is to Homelander’s taste, but he won’t hold that against you. The trinkets and baubles you’ve decorated your nest suit you and he approves of that fact.

Homelander pauses at the couch, plucking up the throw blanket discarded there. He’s seen you snuggled up in this very blanket many a night, tucked in with a book or watching your little shows. He brings the plush fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply. Homelander closes his eyes, savoring the scent there. Your scent. He hasn’t smelled you before, not really. The elevator encounter had been so brief and surprising that Homelander never registered what you’d smelled like at that moment. It had been all anger and stress radiating off you at the time.

He inhales again, breathing deeply with the blanket still held against his face. There’s the citrus scent of fabric softener, but also something undeniably human and undeniably you. Homelander finds that he likes it very much. A moan escapes him as Homelander presses the blanket harder to his nose as if he could imprint the smell of you in his senses. Idly, he wonders if you’d smell the same when he buries his nose in the space between your neck and rounded shoulder. Soft and warm and sweet like the hint of you on this blanket? Homelander sighs at the thought, the longing making his cock jump as he straightens. 

Reluctantly, he drops the blanket back onto the couch as his boots take him deeper into your home towards the bedroom. The door is shut, which Homelander finds curious. Normally, it stands open as he’s watched you wander from bedroom to living room to kitchen and back again while your mind keeps you elsewhere as you putter about doing whatever little bugs like you do. He doesn’t pause as Homelander opens the door, confidently stepping into your bedroom with the eagerness of a child given free rein in a toy store. Homelander expects to paw through your dresser and give the toys he’s seen you use on yourself a thorough inspection.

What he doesn’t expect is the sudden attack from a black blur pouncing onto his foot with a delighted chirrup. Homelander drops his gaze, watching in a detached way as the kitten tries to dig its claws into his boot while kicking back feet furiously. He feels none of it, of course. He doubts even a mere mud person would feel anything from such a pathetic assault, yet the kitten is determined. The little creature squirms about, bottom over front briefly before it twists and promptly scampers off in a confusion of fur.

Homelander frowns. When the fuck did you get a cat? He should have noticed such a creature despite its diminutive size. The little thing is barely a mote of soot as it scrambles under the bed, green eyes wild and wide. The creature pauses, making a sound Homelander would call an undignified squeak ill-suited for a predator before it rushes forward again. His lip twitches, annoyance settling over Homelander at this animal disturbing his tour of your apartment. 

Still, he makes no move toward the kitten as it stalks around behind him to inspect his cape. Homelander turns and the cape goes with him, fabric fluttering in such a tantalizing way that no kitten can resist. The little beast pounces or attempts to.

The frown on Homelander’s lips tugs further down now that he’s eye to eye with the green-eyed imp as in an instant he snatched it up to keep it off his cape. Homelander has never been one to interact with animals often, let alone young ones. The most would have been with such animals sulking away from him in the bad room, hissing and spitting while a doctor looked on behind bulletproof heat vision-resistant glass. Back then he’d been instructed to take care of the creatures to show how much he’d learned of control with his powers, but he can’t do that to this fluffy shadow.

A small purr emanating from the kitten draws Homelander from his memory as he blinks. His eyes refocus on the animal who now is trying to gnaw at one of his fingers through his glove eagerly as it thrums away. Poor thing has no idea who it’s facing. “Charming,” He mumbles before shutting the bedroom door behind him as Homelands steps into the room proper. He gingerly places the squirming animal onto the bed. 

Homelander casts about the bedroom with fresher eyes, taking in a plastic mat with food and a water dish atop it. He doesn’t even need to sniff the air to discern the faint aroma of ammonia and cat litter coming from the open bathroom door. The little beast has been properly set up in your bedroom. A new acquisition. The creature is yours and confined here with purpose, so he can’t risk it suspiciously going missing. At least not yet. A cracked window later down the line will fix this little problem. There’s no need for you to house this extra distraction. Not when he’s so close to getting his claws into you. Homelander smiles to himself.

“Your days are numbered.” He points out, even going so far as to waggle a finger at the black kitten as it rolls about atop the bed. 

In reply, the kitten promptly drops onto its rump atop the comforter and sticks a leg out. This it began washing intently. There’s a slight charm to such a fragile thing being oblivious to the danger present. Homelander cocks his head, watching the animal a beat longer before a sound catches his interest.

There’s the unmistakable rattle of keys too close that takes Homelander by surprise, too lost in his thoughts to notice the approach of footsteps down the apartment hallway. Your footsteps. He’s instantly on high alert, quietly opening the bedroom door and closing it behind him to not let the little beast escape and alert you of something amiss. He waits a beat, eyes on the door as he watches you on the other side while you fumble with the keys. The lock sticks as he’s observed and you never seem to remember to bring it up to the landlord. Forgetful little bug.

Homelander’s form is a patriotic blur as he rushes right across the room, to the balcony, to yank the door open, and dart out to the open sky in a woosh of air. It all happens in a blink as you click the key into place and the lock slides free of the deadbolt.

You pause as you open your apartment door, a slight frown on your face. Something like a breeze seems to have disrupted your apartment as a tapestry on the wall flutters back to rest. You shake your head as a glance about shows nothing amiss. All is well and now you’re smiling to yourself. Your first day at your new job has been a success! 

Dropping your purse on the kitchen counter, your feet are quick as you move to your bedroom door to yank it open. There sits your stray kitten you’d taken in only the other day. He’s mid-lick while grooming his leg. You grin wide, quick to cross the room to scoop the bundle of fur up into your arms. 

“Adrien, did you miss me?” You coo to him, burying your face into his fur as Adrien purrs up a storm. Indeed, he did. You laugh at his enthusiasm as Adrien promptly starts to lick your cheek as if you’re the one in need of a bath. Your smile doesn’t falter as you drop onto the bed before gently laying down to let him settle beside you. 

“It’s nice to be back doing something, you know?” You confide in him. “This charity work is doing wonders to soothe my soul.” Being a kitten, Adrien’s only response is to purr as he curls himself up as close as he can get to your neck.

High above your apartment, Homelander lets himself linger a moment longer. Charity work? Interesting. He watches still, taking in your smile as you cuddle that obnoxious ball of soot. He rolls his eyes, a huff escaping him before moving on.

[capsensislagamoprh]

Because I am god damned shipping trash and you can't stop me, I started looking up things. When I saw this:

I had a hot moment of: BWAHAHAHAHAH! Then I was like: I wonder what the other names mean. The rabbit hole.

I found a twimbler by jikooksubunit that basically summed up to : Katsuki Yuuri means ‘student of a victor who benefits from courage’ and I think that is beautiful. And I was like: Fuck yeah.

Then I went further down, because fuck you, you can't stop me.

Yuri Plisetsky means (first name) farmer [unless he's Jewish, in which case it means Light of God] (last name) Influencer/Freedom Lover/Charisma. Which, I mean, humble origins, willing to suffer for what he wants, and damned if he's not an influencer with his own style and everyone wants a piece of him (for good or ill). Also a fucking demonic angel. So... yes.

And as you know, shipping trash don't do half. So I looked up Otabek Altin. We all know Altin means gold. What dose his first name mean, google? Fucking help me! So it did. It's actually an Uzbek name. It can be translated as "The Father of all Dukes" or “The Greatest Duke”. In middleage it was also a title for all the heirs coming from a certain lineage of Taimur. MY MIND FUCKING BLOWN.

Fucking ICE KING Winner-Winnerson

his Queen/King consort SIMPAI TAUGHT ME HOW TO KICK YOUR ASS

there feral ice child some times called princess to the determent of everyone with the sheer chutzpah to try it HO, I'M GONNA AND MAKE YOU PAY THE BILL RESPECT MY ETHEREAL, DAINTY, TOUGH AS NAILS ASS, YOU BASIC BITCH

and his BFF/prince charming : LITERALLY A FUCKING ROYAL BLOOD LINE MADE OF GAWD DAMNED GOLD, A.K.A. original 'Daddy of them All' (it's in the fucking name!), called a hero of his home country (rescue Yurio, on your modern day steed, daddy?). [Calmly exert your 'dad energy' in that 'you have awoken the beast' way that the wild cat some times needs?] Ether way, mah dudes. Ether way.

No wonder his ass can afford to ship that bike where ever he wants. Yurio is gonna get so damned spoiled. I love this fucking fandom.

[prairiedust]

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Ayo why Hobie be speaking in riddles and rhymes like the lorax

No wonder Jessica be ignoring him

like okay Rumpelstiltskin this is not a game of two truths and a lie 😭😭

walking around speaking in clues and doing hand tricks and making shit disappear

are you a spider person or an amateur magician you gotta pick one

[catgirlwheels]

Y'know what would be a fun way to do sports is to make them play the wrong sport. I'd watch a soccer team play basketball against a hockey team.

[radicalredrasp]

Meow

[thelibrarian1895]

Bat bio donors

So Catherine Todd, unfortunately, wasn't Jason's bio mom, even if she was his mom in every other way that matters. Embezzler, child trafficker, and Joker associate Shelia Haywood was his biological mother...probably.

There was no DNA test so I remain unconvinced.

That being said, I see no acceptable evidence that Willis Todd was Jason's bio father. (And if there is, shhh, don't care)

Yes Bruce could be his bio dad but boring, be more creative!

For example, someone else who's based in Gotham, who might have a fling and not follow up on it for very whatever reason, and who might be the namesake of our favorite gun wielding bat: Jason Bood. Yes Shelia, if she is the mother, may have put Willis on the birth certificate, but there's nothing to say that she didn't have an evening with a man with a charming accent, considerable experience, and a rather two faced nature.

Or perhaps someone who is a tiny bit less volatile such as David Cain.

Or honestly there's enough weirdness in Gotham that Jason's other bio donor was Nocturna, the woman who would later want to adopt him while he was Robin and she was, in fact, though she didn't know it, trying to get her own bio child.

Furthermore, Bruce as Tim Drake's bio donor, yes, good, understandable, likely even.

However, there are other options, for example:

Janet spends a great deal of time going around the world and with various artifacts, some of these artifacts could be magical in nature. That magic may have various effects on the average person and one of the more popular things that people in ancient times sought revolved around fertility control, to improve or prevent. Janet might trip over more than a few artifacts designed to improve fertility, let's say even to the point that some who might not normally be able to sire children might in fact be capable of doing so with Janet while she's still under the influence of such magic, such as:

Lady Shiva who admires Janet's ability to handle both a growing business and her academic pursuits.

Ra's Al Ghul who came by for an artifact and had a fling with the lady who found it mostly because why not? Yes if Tim ever found out, or Ra's ever found out, it would result in considerable mental distress, but it could also be hilarious. Flip a coin to decide if this would make Talia want Tim dead more or less than she already does.

Some ancient god who's essentially mortal at this point and has been clinging to existence by the thinnest thread and really the only reason their name is known at this point is because it was in a letter about very bad copper. Tim receives no benefits from this parent except above average endurance and healing which is how he's survived. He's also as stubborn as the nameless god that's hung on for four thousand or so years.

Gotham itself is Tim's bio donor and this is why tiny baby stalker Tim didn't die a thousand times over while he was taking pictures, Gotham was looking out for their son.

Then there's Cassandra, "one who is all" who may or may not be Shiva's daughter.

Honestly for Shiva and for Talia, given the danger they put themselves in and the stress that pregnancy can do to a body, plus the necessary time to heal properly afterwards, the canon where Damian is grown in a tube makes sense and I wouldn't be surprised if Shiva took a page from Talia's book.

Shiva as the mother of "one who is all" can make sense. The other bio donor, well, let's look at other options.

Slade perhaps? He's had quite a few remarkable children, and can handle none of them, but that wouldn't stop him from being a candidate.

If you're a fan of wuxia or xianxia novels, look for or make up some ancient cultivator that Shiva sought out for training perhaps and on that strength Cassandra can pick up cultivation and become that much more awesome, maybe even teach it to her brothers.

Sect Leader Cass o((>ω< ))o

Or someone can be related to or connected to a Lamont Crantson and see if they can step out of his Shadow.

Dick's bio parents were freakin' awesome so jumping over him and also leaving Duke's parentage alone though more distant ancestors for either of them, such as great-great grandmothers or grandfathers might be interesting. Dick has a Talon in the family tree but who else might be hanging around in there?

For example, Santa is real in the dc universe. Tim and his team could have witnessed the death of Dick's maternal great-great-great-great grandpa.

As for Duke, if his family has been in Gotham for longer than a generation, there've got to be some serious weirdos in his bloodline, maybe a lesser known Talon or Queen Mab.

Damian not being the son of Bruce and Talia would be a serious blow to the kid and not worth it. Giving him blood siblings is more fun. He already has a problem learning to share his dad with his adopted siblings, sharing with blood siblings would be good for him.

Stephanie? An additional dad option would probably give her some sort of mental crisis since she originally based her vigilante career on defeating her deadbeat, second rate rogue father. It would be interesting and honestly a little hilarious though if her mother had a fling with Oliver Queen.

[adazzlingsakura]

Arcade Games found in Gotham be like:

[aprillikesthings]

Steven Universe au's: nearly all the women in this town are named after gemstones, which is totally normal

She-Ra au's: Catra is short for Catrina

[notnowricky]

Hey, quick question:

[tamvmat]

I don't really (see: at all) follow Hatsune Miku. But seeing the trend I had to make her into an eldritch horror

[sga-owns-my-soul]

teyla and ronon have one(1) capitalist experience and are like "i'd rather deal with the wraith actually take me home"

john and rodney can't help but agree

[anonfromtheflight]

Me right now with the snippet of Omar's new song