#I am waiting to hear back from other places w more flexible schedules and if I do get offered jobs from them
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UEEOUGHHH I think it went rlly well??? at the end of the interview it sounded like she just had a few more interviews and she would try to figure out where to place me? the only thing is that the training is a week long overnight During The Last Week Of School and I really wanted to be around for the last week to say bye to my kids esp the 5th graders :( but alas I rlly want this job 😭
aaaaaaaoiyghh phone interview for a summer job in 45 minutes 🥺
#one thing about me is that I will become Deeply And Incredibly Nervous before an interview and then immediately calm down when it starts#buuut I think I answered her questions well and was thorough w/o rambling!#she seemed to respond well to what I said and even laughed a few times I'm soooo charming#this job would mean I can't do any vacations this summer which kind of sucks but hey I'll be making bank!#I am waiting to hear back from other places w more flexible schedules and if I do get offered jobs from them#I'll have to weigh the pros and cons#theres some stuff I Really wanted to do this summer but also I really want this job 😭#maybe once I'm actually hired and have proved to them I'm valuable I can work out a week or a few days to take off#I mean they have subs#but I do think I'd really really love it#and I would make so much money I could finally buy a new phone 😭#and that little wei wuxian figure 🥺#get a tattoo#put stuff into savings!! for real this time#ghost posts#text
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Omega!Kaidou Headcanons
Anon: Ooooh can you do omega kaido hcs?
(Aww, I love Kaidou, he is baby. I just finished all my uni work for the week so I jumped to write this! Enjoy!)
Warnings: N-sfw under cut, mpreg, talk of insecurities.
General:
Kaidou is quite an insecure omega. Especially as a teenager.
Honestly, he has probably tried to masquerade as a beta before, and wished many times that he was an alpha like his younger brother and sister.
A lot of his façade as the ‘Jet Black Wings’ is a defence mechanism because of his insecurities and him being an omega fuels that.
Kaidou can be wary around alphas he doesn’t know, so it’s likely that you were friends first and romantic a long time afterwards.
When you are finally mates/almost mates, you see a completely different side to Kaidou.
He is incredibly touch starved. He loves cuddles and pets. He’ll take any affection you dish out. He especially loves resting his head on your lap or on your shoulder.
Kaidou wants to be an author when he’s older, and he has never had anyone support his dream. When you offer your support for him, he falls in love with you right then and there. That’s when he knew he wanted you to be his alpha.
His scent is light and flowery, with a hint of citrus.
Kaidou purrs a lot without realising and it always embarrasses him when you point it out. He purrs everytime you scent him, croon, cuddle him, etc.
Kaidou is a very sweet omega who is a dedicated and loving mate and parent.
Nesting:
As a teenager, Kaidou never gets to the point where he likes his nest.
He wants a super cool nest! A combo between a ‘secret lair’ style and a ‘pinterest’ style nest.
He wants a room dedicated to his nest, preferably with a hidden entrance. He wants a super powerful colour scheme with cool posters but he also wants fairy lights and pastel blankets.
Kaidou has lots of cuddly toys but he gets embarrassed about it and won’t admit it.
In fact, cuddly toys are his favourite courting gifts to receive, but he will always pretend that he think toys are for little kids, but you can see how tightly he cradles the toy, and if you scent the teddy first, you can even hear him purring.
As an adult, Kaidou really wants his dream nest, but he feels guilty spending so much money on it. It’s up to his alpha to encourage him.
When he has pups, they think his nest is the coolest thing ever, and they tell all the other kids at school because it has a hidden door! And beanbags! And a mini fridge! And it’s way better than your omega parent’s nest!!
Kaidou is very protective of his nest. He only lets you and his pups inside. No one else. He doesn’t even like when someone figures out where it is in his home.
This causes some conflict because he would love to give birth in his nest, but he would never be able to invite a midwife or doctor inside.
You clutched a small bat plushie in you hands as you walked into your classroom. You had bought it for Kaidou on a whim yesterday on your way home from school. This was hardly the first time you had given him a courting gift, but this was the first one that had your scent on it.
“Holy shit.” You whispered to yourself. “You can do this, don’t be nervous.”
You saw Kaidou immediately. He was sitting on top of his desk, chatting with Hairo and Nendou. You huffed. You would have preferred him to be alone but you guess that couldn’t be helped now.
“Hey, Shun...” You started, awkwardly sliding up beside him.
He startled slightly, a blush settling on his cheeks.
“Oh! Hey... Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I, um.” You pulled the bat toy out of your pocket, shoving it vaguely in his direction. “This is for you.”
Kaidou gently took it from your hands, eyes wide. He turned it over, running a finger over the fake fangs. You saw the moment he realised you had scented it. He looked up at you in shock before turning and sniffing absentmindedly at the toy, purrs beginning to sneak out.
You puffed up in pride. Watching your intended mate accept and enjoy your gift with such fervour filled your heart with joy.
“HA HA!” Interrupted Nedou. “Kaidou’s purring!”
The purrs stopped immediately, Kaidou turned bright red, shoving the toy into his bag.
“I AM NOT! Shut up!”
The two began to bicker, Nedou laughing over Kaidou’s agressive denial.
You were vaguely embarrassed that Kaidou’s friends had seen you give him a courting gift, but mostly you were pleased by his acceptance of your first serious courting gift. Giving someone your scent to put in their nest was a big deal after all.
Family + pups
When you decide to court Kaidou, he will try and keep you as far away from his mother as he can. Unfortunately, this doesn’t last long, because his mother just orders him to bring you over and he can’t say no to his terrifying alpha mother.
Kaidou is unbelievably nervous throughout the whole meeting. He knows his mother will order him to end the courtship if she doesn’t approve.
His mother’s opinion depends a lot of how well spoken, intelligent and ambitious Kaidou’s intended alpha is.
If you have good grades, can match her successfully in conversation, and are preparing to apply to a good university, she will adore you.
(it’s best just to lie if you aren’t those things).
Kaidou’s mother is a very hands on grandparent when the time comes. She always take your pup(s) when Kaidou is in heat and you in rut. She also helps pay for tutors and arranges academic help for all her grandchildren.
Kaidou wants at least one pup but no more than three pups.
He is such a sweet parent.
He never, ever makes fun of his pups. He always treats their problems seriously and loves them for who they are.
He’s the kind of parent who jumps at the opportunity to support his kids hobbies. Writing, martial arts, painting, cooking, whatever they love, he makes sure they can do it.
Kaidou makes an excellent stay-at-home parent. He loves spending time with his pup(s) and working on writing the book he wants to write.
Family cuddles are a scheduled weekly event. He is distraught if, when his pups get older, they don’t partake in the family cuddles every week.
It took Kaidou quite a few tries to get pregnant, and he ended up getting very stressed about it, thinking something was wrong with him. Luckily, it eventually happened for you both.
When he was pregnant, Kaidou didn’t have many symptoms, but he was very tired and hungry all the time.
He needed help to do most things because he was so tired, but he felt like a burden, so didn’t ask for help. This changes in his second pregnancy (if he has one). He needs to have help with your other pup(s) when he’s pregnant because he’s too tired to look after them fulltime.
It would make more sense for you to wait until your first pup was in school before trying for a second one, just to take the pressure off of Kaidou somewhat.
The night’s peace was broken by a tentative knock at your bedroom door. You startled slightly, starting to sit up, Kaidou also stirring in your arms. The door handle turned slowly, the silhouette of you oldest son was revealed, along with the quiet sound of sniffling.
Before you could even process what you were seeing, Kaidou had yanked himself out of your arms and thrown himself towards your crying pup.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” Kaidou panicked, hands flitting over your pup as if to check for injuries.
“Nightmare.” Your pup whined, beginning to sob and he held his arms out for a hug.
Kaidou whined with him, quickly and firmly pulling him into his embrace. Kaidou then stood up, cradling your pup in his arms, rocking him back and forth.
“Why don’t you sleep with us tonight, pup?” You said, voice still heavy with sleep, gesturing for Kaidou to get back into bed. It was freezing after all.
Kaidou didn’t need any more prompting and slipped back under the covers you were holding up for him. As he settled down, your pup quickly grabbed at your shirt, holding it tightly in his fist. You brushed your hand over his tiny one before settling your hand on his back, rubbing up and down to help soothe him. You could no longer see his face (it was buried in your mate’s chest), but you could still hear his sniffling.
“What was your nightmare about, sweetheart? Must have been scary, huh?” You asked as Kaidou began scenting the top of your son’s head.
“Yeah. W’s scary.” Came the muffled voice of your pup.
In lieu of a reply, you pulled both him and Kaidou more closely against your chest.
“Nothing can happen while you’re here with us, okay. You’re safe.” You kept rubbing his back as he finally started to settle. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he relaxed fully against you and Kaidou, his grip on your shirt loosening.
“I feel so useless when he has nightmares.” Kaidou admitted, breaking the hush. “I can’t protect him from them.”
You shifted slightly to look him in the eye.
“You’re protecting him right now, my love. This is what he needs from you and you’re so good at it. You’re such a good parent, Shun.” Kaidou blushed faintly. “I fall in love with you all over again everytime I see you with our pups.”
Kaidou smiled slightly, resting his head against your shoulder.
“I just want him to be happy.”
“I know.” You replied, placing a kiss on his head. “Me too.”
You started to drift off to sleep as silence descended on the room.
“Thanks.” Kaidou murmured.
Too tired to reply, you squeezed him lightly with your arms. It saddened you that your amazing parent of a mate still felt insecure four years into parenthood, but you were just going to have to keep telling him otherwise until he started to see himself as you saw him.
N-SFW under cut (ft. Slightly!Older!Kaidou)
Kaidou always, always needs after sex cuddles. It helps relax him, quiet his insecurities and is equally as enjoyable as the sex in his opinion.
Kaidou is a big subby baby, and he needs cuddles for his aftercare or he can feel very rejected.
Do you remember the episode where Kaidou came last in every event of the physical fitness test, but came first in flexibility? Kaidou is extremely flexible and he loves to show it off in bed. He’s very proud of all the positions he can bend into.
Kaidou loves dressing up in lingerie. He feels pretty and confident when he’s wearing lace lingerie. He looks best in pastel blue (it matches his hair), but honestly, he pulls off all pastel shades very well.
Along a similar vein, Kaidou finds it very embarrasing but very hot to look at himself in the mirror while you have sex. It requires a lot of praise though, as he can be quite insecure.
In heat, Kaidou is absolutely shameless. He will beg and plead and whine and nuzzle you to get you into his nest with him.
Kaidou is weak to hickeys on his neck, especially around his scent glands. He doesn’t give many hickeys, but he is prone to leaving scratch marks on your back and shoulders.
This man is very sensitive in a lot of areas. His nipples and the inside of his thighs are very soft and particularly sensitive.
He hates pain though. He is neither a masochist nor a sadist and thinks that pain has no place in love making.
Kaidou likes a little bit of roleplay but he’s way to embarrassed to bring it up. You have to wait until you’ve been in a relationship with him for years before he feels comfortable enough to bring it up. He is interested in teacher/student and master/slave style roleplays. He enjoys playing the part of someone else, because it makes him feel more comfortable in embracing his sexuality outside his heat.
“I’m-I’m coming out now. Don’t laugh, okay?”
You shook you head fondly.
“I’m not going to laugh at you, baby. You always look gorgeous, don’t forget that.”
The bathroom door opened and Kaidou shuffled out, clad in the new pastel blue lingerie set you had ordered for him last week.
You lost your breath just looking at him.
He was wearing sheer knee socks with little bows, held up by the garter belt sitting snugly on his waist. On top, he was wearing a lacy bralette, completely see through of course. Your favourite piece however, was undoubtedly the little blue panties. You could see the fabric bulging, straining against his erection. Looking a little closer, you noticed a small damp spot. You grinned. For all his complaining, he certainly enjoyed this a lot. You haven’t even touched him yet.
Kaidou shifted under your hungry gaze, feeling a little like your prey. He shivered at the thought.
You moved to kneel on the ground before him, pressing wet, open mouth kisses over his thighs and tummy. Kaidou steadied himself by gripping onto your shoulders. You could feel his nails making small grooves in your skin.
When you reached his chest, you began to suck and bite at his nipples through the lacey fabric, delighting in his moans and whimpers. He was always so sensitive for you.
“So beautiful.” You panted, breathing heavily against him.
“M’ not. Not beautiful.” Kaidou denied, eyes clenched shut.
You growled in response, biting him lightly on the shoulder.
“Don’t you dare. You’re breath-taking, Shun. Stunning. Gorgeous. Perfect.” You emphasised every word with a suck or a bit on his neck. You wouldn’t stop until he learnt to love himself as much as you loved him.
“Okay, baby, get on the bed. We have a long night ahead.” You made a point to crash your hips into his. “I’m going to show you how beautiful you are.”
#saiki k#disastrous life of saiki k#kaido shun#shun kaidou#omega kaidou#omega!Kaidou#alpha reader#Alpha!Reader#imagine#reader insert#x reader#headcanon#n-sfw#abo#omegaverse#male omega#gn alpha#female alpha#male alpha
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stuff i wish i knew
Dakota was not planned. In fact, Zach and me were very much mending ourselves back together when we found out I was pregnant. We intended to have a baby at some point, but Winter 2018 was not penciled into our agenda. When we got the news there was no question. We were doing this, we’d made it 10 years at that point and had survived a 6 month separation, we could handle anything. And let me tell you, we really can handle anything.
Thank goodness we trusted our path because we are so in love with our little human. Dakota is a blessing, the perfect combination of us both and I am so excited for our life as Dakota’s parents. BUT I’d be a lying fool and a faker if I pretended my pregnancy wasn’t riddled with what ifs, doubts and confusion. Even more so, being a mother is terrifying - I’m constantly wondering if I’m fucking up. And the truth is, I probably am. But also, that’s OK.
My time as a pregnant woman was quite isolating. You see, we moved to LA in November of 2015 and hadn’t quite solidified a community here. I always imagined this time in my life would be filled with family and my best girl friends. It wasn’t. So I did what women do best, I adapted. With constant check-ins on my “Mothers.” chat - a group chat of 3 amazing girlfriends who are moms, advice from my mother and a lot of reading, I made it to motherhood. But that was just the beginning, there is still so much for me to learn. Motherhood is like getting to the top of a 5 mile high mountain only to find that the peak is still 15 miles up. Or like that scene in Titanic when they discover the iceberg has a side that juts out and the sailor screams “it’s got a head!” That’s motherhood. Always another step on a constant learning curve. BUT, the reward, the reward is so damn good. The first time Koda smiled a non gas triggered smile? I DIED!!!! Dying just thinking about him. Hold up, now I need to run into his nursery and check that he’s breathing....
OK, back now :)
So, in the spirit of sisterhood and the belief that real talk is the only talk that should exist, I’ve asked for advice. I asked for advice from some of the most amazing moms I know (please take or leave what you’d like - none of this is fact!). I asked them to share what they wish they had known or anything they feel is relevant for first time moms. This will be an ongoing document that I hope mothers will use and share, far and wide. Being a mom is hard. It is scary. It is also incredibly exciting & fulfilling. It is all the damn things and you don’t have to go through it alone. But if you are feeling alone (been there!!), I am here and so is this mama tribe.
On Support:
“Find plenty of moms who have been through it already and cry on their shoulders.” - Marti Cuevas; Mama to Martin Carle, 39 and me :)
“My advice is to reach out to other moms, either friends w kids or try to make some. Talking out weird questions or just being able to relate is so key.” -Kristina; Mama to Isabel, 8 Months
“Ask for what you need. Your partner or anyone around you for that matter cannot read your mind. Be vocal and direct.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months
On Post Partum Bodies:
“I wanted to lose the baby weight right away, in my head, but it wasn’t until my son was 18 months that I felt my post-C-section body was ready and able. Everyone said breast feeding will make the weight drop on it’s own; well not for my P.C.O.S.-ridden reproductive system. My advice to first-time moms is to not succumb to the pressure of obsessing over baby weight loss. Follow your heart, mind and body on your post-partum journey back to your pre-pregnancy jeans.” - Rachel Muniz-Strauss; Mama to Donovan, 3 + one on the way.
On Self-Care:
“Don’t put undue pressure on yourself! We do that so much and it serves no one. You are a fabulous mama.” - Sadye; Mama to Rafi, 2
“New moms should do ONE thing a day. Like if it’s going to the store or a doctors appointment or whatever. One thing! Healing after labor and delivery or a cesarean birth takes time emotionally, physically, and spiritually! Over exertion is no bueno when dealing with a baby and a partner who is also struggling to find his or her place in the new family unit as well as probably recovering from the birth!” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months
“BREATHE: things are going to get super hectic and really noisy. You will get hit with a poop explosion, loud crying and screaming, dinner burning on the stove, phone ringing, your partner asking "hey did you do the laundry yet?", while you have been holding your pee in for the last 3 hours cause you've been running around the house like a chicken without a head trying to do it all...You start to panic...but DON'T! JUST BREATHE and don't cram it all in at once...this is a recipe for ANXIETY. Yes you are a super hero and a bionic woman but you can't do everything at once. So stop for a minute and breathe, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes...let the baby cry, let hubby figure it out and BREATHE...in through your nose and out through your mouth and tell yourself "I GOT THIS"..then go out there and conquer each thing one by one with a huge smile on your face... I know it's so simple but trust me it will save you a world of anxiety” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months
ACCEPT HELP. While being a new mom is certainly a sensory awakener, and a super cool and interesting experience that you wanna soak up all to yourself, you MUST accept help, especially from those with some wisdom and experience, and if someone whom you trust offers to watch the baby while you shower or nap, ACCEPT! - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2
“SLEEP: every mom I have ever received advice from tried to sell me this little bit of information and guess what...I did not buy it! A sleep deprived mama is an unhappy, unhealthy, and uncomfortable mama. When that baby is sleeping, lay your ass down and close your eyes. Being rested allows you to be productive and allows you to be happy and healthy. When you are sleep deprived you make poor food choices (typically lots of sugar to keep you awake) which lead to a poor mood...and when mama is in a bad mood, everyone suffers! So try and sleep...the laundry will wait, the dishes will wait, the dinner will wait, your partner will wait, the whole world will wait for you to wake up!” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months
On “The Way Things Are Done:”
“I would advise not to share with others the name choice for your child. I feel that it should be between you and your partner (if there is one) as you are the parents, and deserve 100% creative control, if I may, in naming your child. I’ve found that when sharing my top name choices, the opinions of others really Jaded me (since when?!) BUT, while I love the names I gave my kids, I wish I had been more private on that aspect.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2
“Breastfeeding is INCREDIBLY hard. If it does not come naturally to you, rest easy knowing you are not a mutant who can’t provide for their child. Almost every woman struggles with some aspect of breastfeeding. It doesn’t really start to feel normal until after the 3rd month. Don’t beat yourself up. Also, if you don’t want to breastfeed, that is your choice too and NO ONE has the right to shame you for it.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months
“Your choice for Feeding source.. I 100% think should be kept as personal as possible. We all go into this mom thing with an idea of what we want to do, or not, but often times as I now know, things don’t go according to plan with regards to really anything, but especially nursing... lactation issues, latching or lack thereof, allergies, your schedule…. , or formula feeding may just be your personal preference... so regarding nursing vs formula, I found it best to keep mum. Everyone has an opinion, but do what your maternal instinct tells you.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2
“Be patient with trial and error. Things that might work for your best friend might not work with your family. Flexibility and letting go of the idea that parenting should “look” a certain way” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months
“SOMETIME'S LET THE BABY CRY: babies are designed to cry! It actually helps strengthen their vocal chords. I remember with baby # 1 I would be on the toilet while he was napping and I would hear him wake up and cry his little heart out and I would get up without finishing my business; run, trip, fall just to get to him as quickly as possible and help stop him from crying! No need for all that...take care of your shit mama! (NO PUN INTENDED) That baby won't brake. That baby will be fine! A few extra bouts of crying won't change anything. Yes it sounds painful and you want nothing more than to nurture your baby and protect it...but a little crying is OK...I promise.” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months
Tricks & Products That Save Lives:
“BABY WEARING: is a game changer! I can't begin to tell you how much this practice works. Especially for my super busy super moms who like to multi task...when you wear that baby in an Ergo or a MOBY Wrap (two of my faves), you can do anything you need to around the house, at the store, or outside...that baby is happy to be snuggled up against you, and you're happy that you can knock out a few birds with one stone. Your hands are free to type, clean dishes, make dinner, talk on the phone, fold laundry, speed walk, etc...(all in standing posItion - which is great for your back anyways!) I literally pull a 4 hour work shift out of the house just by wearing my baby. He's happy and I am getting shit done!!! - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months
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cheap insurance 63136
cheap insurance 63136
cheap insurance 63136
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Leading and Following Part 5
After thanking the Tree for the wisdom and advice, taking in all of the wind and the scent and the answers that were given, I found myself walking back towards the path with some enthusiasm in my own step. I knew I had wandered off just long enough that the creature may wonder where I had gone and I did not want to concern him.
When I reached camp, I found that each of my instructions had been followed. I was greeted by a small, blazing fire that would provide just enough warmth for us to sit and talk by if we wanted to. I saw that the door to the cabin was propped open by the satchel he had been carrying with no complaint all day. I did not see the creature although I was not concerned by his temporary disappearance and I was right to not be concerned, for it was only a matter of moments before he came scurrying into sight.
In his arms he carried some more sticks that he dropped by the fire. He dusted himself off and looked to me with a smile. He reported right away, ‘The clearing is also empty if you prefer to sleep there.’
‘Good Boykin,’ I told him as I looked around.
He let out a sound that I had never heard before, something between a groan and a purr, and his expression was one of pure delight. I was startled and if his eyes were open I am certain he would have responded to my uncertainty right away, but they were closed and his head was tipped back the way I had seen before.
At first thought, I had considered that perhaps that was the way he had to be angled in order to make the curious sound that had escaped him. As I studied his posture and took in other subtle cues from his body language, I deciphered that it had nothing to do with how his vocal chords worked and had everything to do with how his mind and his submission worked instead. I felt a smirk cross my face and I was almost surprised by my own reaction.
‘I think the cabin will do for tonight,’ I told him. He nodded his head, eyes still closed, but whispered to me, ‘Yes, Ma’am’.
I went to put my things down in the cabin and he had opened his eyes and started to follow. As I started unpacking my bag with the things I would need to rest that night, he was gathering his. I watched as he removed everything that he had set in the room and moved them out by the fire. As he entered to clean up the last of what he had set down in the cabin, I told him, ‘We should eat.’
He smiled and seemed to brighten considerably. We went to the fire and he pulled out his own rations and I pulled out my own as well. They looked dramatically different in that I had rations that would last for a while: dried fruit, salted meat, and nuts. He pulled out decadent sweets and breads and pastries - things that tasted delicious now but would hardly last for the time that we would be out on our adventure. He glanced between what we both had packed and offered me that very boyish smile that I had seen before.
‘Would you like some?’ he asked me, offering up a pastry that looked tasty, no doubt.
Unsure of if I wanted to indulge right away but not wanting to miss the opportunity, I answered, ‘Save the last bite for me.’
His eyes widened and he nodded his head enthusiastically but otherwise he ate quietly and watched me.
I started talking about the sorts of things that I would enjoy in my next companion while he ate and listened, a captive audience.
‘At home, I don’t do anything having to do with the meals.’ I started. ‘I don’t forage and I don’t cook. This is done for me so I can focus on other things, such as preparing maps or going on adventures. This is very convenient for me while I am home but it is rougher when I am out.’ I gestured to the dried fruits and meats to illustrate my point and he nodded along.
‘I can take care of meals,’ he offered.
I pointed to the sweets that he had displayed. ‘Can you cook more than that?’ I asked.
He giggled softly and answered with an enthusiastic nod.
‘That is a good skill for a Follower to have.’
‘If it is a skill that pleases you, it is a good skill to have.’
While it might not have been the first time that he spoke specifically of serving me, I was still adjusting to hearing it, and I know that I moved from that subject quite quickly and simply hoped he would not catch on.
‘Was that a service that you offered in your past dynamic?’
He nodded and spoke more about the foods he knew how to gather, prepare, and cook. He talked about the amount of people he had cooked for in the past and the expectations that had been put on him. He spoke of them in such a way that he sounded as though he enjoyed that sort of service but that he did not have to serve that way in order to be happy and I felt relief. It allowed me space to consider that perhaps that was something I could have in my life if I wanted it but no pressure to provide the opportunity to serve in that manner.
I spoke of how I had a hard time keeping tidy at times and how I needed assistance in making sure that things were kept organized and that they could be given to me when I asked for them without having to search. He admitted that it might not be a strong suit of his now but that he was willing to learn. Because I travel lightly, I did not think that would be much of a problem and told myself I would have to train him in that area but that training was acceptable.
I warned him, ‘When we stop in cities I like to speak with particular people but not everyone. I do not enjoy socializing. I prefer to attend to business, have intellectual discussions, and move on my way.’ He nodded and told me that he understood.
I sat for a moment while I thought about what other information he might need to know if he was going to continue down this path with me. I put a piece of meat into my mouth to chew while I thought and instinctively, as I do with those of mine who dine with me, put a piece directly into his mouth as well. He graciously accepted and gingerly took the meat from my fingers without saying a word. When I realized what I had done and looked to him for visual confirmation that he was okay with what I had done, I saw that bright pink across his cheeks once more.
‘That probably doesn’t taste delicious after what you just ate,’ I said, although I was tickled at the idea that he hated the very taste of it behind the sweet bread he was eating and endured it for me anyhow.
His eyes only widened as he continued to chew and I figured that meant he was fine with it and could correct me later when he was done chewing if he wanted to.
‘I have a particular schedule that I keep every day. There is little room for flexibility. I rise early and go to bed early.’
Again he nodded to show understanding for what I was saying.
‘I noticed that there were some areas on the map that you had marked that I have no interest in. I’ve already searched those areas and I doubt there is anything there that will hold my attention. I think that you should explore those areas with someone else.’
I waited for his response to this one, to see how he handled being told I would not take him somewhere.
‘They are not important,’ he assured me. ‘I would rather go where you want to go and where you have not explored before.’
I was skeptical and so I pushed forward on the topic. ‘There are some areas that you have not marked that I really want to explore. There are some skills I want to acquire and I need a partner willing to practice them with me. A partner that understands that I may not be good at them to begin with and accept that.’
He nodded a little slower but nodded nonetheless. ‘There are some skills that would frighten me at first but I am certain that I could still be a partner for them to be practiced.’
‘You don’t even know what skills I’m taking about.’
He looked to the ground and shrugged lightly. ‘I’m having a hard time thinking of anything that you might want to do that I wouldn’t be willing to try.’
This was something that I had heard from Followers before, those trying to secure a place, somewhere, anywhere. While I didn’t have that general feel from him, I still felt myself questioning whether he was being authentic and true.
He was watching me, watching my expression, and seemed to understand the concern that I wasn’t quite expressing. ‘What I mean to say is that you conduct yourself responsibly, with integrity, and while a particular skill or activity might be frightening to me, with you I would feel safe enough to try and I want that opportunity to try.’
I remained quiet, searching him, waiting for a caveat to what he said. When he offered none, I reached out next to him, where he had placed the last bite of his sweet bread on the parchment it had been wrapped in, and placed it in my mouth. So far, everything was delicious.
‘There is just one thing left to mention,’ I warned.
‘Yes, Ma’am?’
‘If I take on another companion, I want to be able to use that companion in any way that I desire. I want to be able to touch and feel my companion at any given moment, in any single way I want. I have gone enough years guiding others without making this request of them, sacrificing the connection I could have had with them, to make them feel more comfortable. There are things I desire that no one has ever been able to give me and while I don’t think you could possibly fulfill everything, I have enjoyed your enthusiasm so far.’ I paused and searched his face. He did not hide from me, bashful as he was known to be. He kept his eyes on me as I took this break and waited patiently for me to continue. ‘Have you provided service like this before?’
He drew in a breath before answering. ‘I have made myself available for service like you’ve described and have been used very little. I am fine either way.’
I wanted clarification. ‘You are content if your Leader decides they do not want to use you in any sexual fashion?’
‘Yes Ma’am,’ he answered, but furthered his thought. ‘While I appreciate affection, it is intimacy that I truly desire, and that can come from lots of things. Not just sex.’
‘And if I want to use you? If I want to be able to use your body, if I want to use your mouth, and never feel rejection from you? Even if it is not in ways that pleases you?’
‘If it pleases you, it pleases me,’ he answered.
‘Boykin, you may not quite understand what you are offering yourself up to here,’ I warned. ‘You do not know what interests me, you do not know how I might want to use you, you do not know the depravity that lurks in the shadow of who I am.’
I waited. I waited and I watched as he squirmed just a bit. I watched as he opened his mouth to reply and then closed not only his mouth but his eyes as well. ‘It might not be right but it is true when I say that if it pleases you, it pleases me.’
I felt a shift at that precise moment. I felt a shift inside of me and I felt a shift outside of me. What he was saying to me was utterly palpable and I understood in that moment what the trees had been trying to say to me. All of what they were trying to say was slowly enveloping me in an energizing mist, in a feeling I hadn’t felt in nearly a decade. The energy that coursed through the world ceased for just a moment so that I could feel just the energy that coursed through us and it was almost overwhelming. The path was clear and all I had to do was take it.
‘Why weren’t you used for sexual service?’ I asked him directly. There had to be more information here somewhere that would explain how he could answer every call I had ever put out into the Universe and sit before me, an unowned creature, a creature without a Leader, free and available and offering himself to me.
‘Those that Lead me had different preferences than what I had to offer,’ he answered. ‘I am quite passive.’
I tilted my head, just a bit, and continued to stare at him, hoping he would give me more information. ‘There has to be more to it than that.’
That flush across his cheeks darkened and he started to drag a claw through the dirt in front of him as he contemplated what additional information might be needed.
‘Undress,’ I ordered him.
He rose immediately and removed the shirt that he was wearing with no hesitation. He paused for just a moment and I gestured for him to remove the rest of his clothing as well. He removed his pants, letting them drop and settle into the dirt where he stood, and then waited.
‘Pick up your clothing and fold it. Set it here next to me’ I remembered that he needed help being organized and it gave me time to watch him, to study his body, as he moved.
He was not lithe by any means but that was evident before he had removed his clothing. He kept his arms at his side and his eyes cast down. His cheeks were still pink but the rest of his body was the same shades that I had seen throughout. There didn’t seem to be anything irregular about him that would deter anyone from using him.
‘Are you aroused?’ I asked.
He swallowed before he replied. ‘Very much so.’
‘Do Boykin have sheaths?’
He looked down at his body and then looked back at me. ‘I forgot,’ he said, almost as an apology.
‘Tell me more,’ I instructed, but even as I was saying it, he was reaching down and unfastening what seemed to be a soft, leather piece that he had been wearing.
‘My last Leader enjoyed having me nude frequently but did not want me to be offensive and so she had this made for me.’
The leather piece that he held in his claws was painted to match his coloration perfectly. It was thicker than I originally thought, to blend with his body, so that he looked sheathed. I understood immediately it was so that he could hide any evidence of arousal and that was what he meant by offensive. That his arousal could be construed as offensive.
‘I’m curious,’ I said softly as I pushed his arms out of the way of his body, so that he was standing on display for me. I hadn’t spent much time wondering what he looked like because it had only been very recently that I had considered taking him on a Follower, let alone the kind of Companion that I was talking about now, but I surely had not imagined that this was what he was going to look like.
Without thinking about what I was doing, I reached out and wrapped my fingers around him. His body stiffened and I heard that soft sound from him again and I connected it to before, understanding with great clarity that it was a sound of arousal then and again now. His breath escaped him but he held himself still.
‘I can’t understand why they wouldn’t want to use this,’ I told him.
What I meant to say was that I knew exactly why they wouldn’t use him in the way companions might traditionally be used for sexual service and it had everything to do with the thick bulge in the middle of his shaft. I could understand why some might be intimidated by that, especially if they were not anticipating that he might present that kind of challenge from his softer body and soft approach. Discovering something like this might quite a surprise.
‘Thank you Ma’am’ he barely whispered.
‘Get dressed. All of it.’ He hurried to put everything back on the way it had been just moments before. When he was done, he stood still, waiting quietly for his next set of directions. I watched him, entertained by how quickly he worked to accomplish what I asked of him. ‘Put out the fire. Tidy up. You’ll sleep on the floor of my cabin.’
‘Yes Ma’am,’ was all he replied and I retired to my cabin before he was finished. I undressed and pulled out the blankets that I had packed for myself and curled up on the bed. It wasn’t long before he entered the cabin quietly, carefully.
I heard him pull out some of his own things and heard his blanket fall to the ground across the room. ‘Be close enough that I can touch you, if I want to,’ I instructed.
I heard him reply as he did to all direct commands and bring his blanket over to the side of the bed.
As he settled to the floor and stilled himself, as I laid in the bed and looked up to the ceiling, a desire flooded over me that I was unsure about. It was a foreign feeling for me, a call I didn’t often answer. But if I was going to indulge in anything, this was my preferred way of indulging.
‘Boykin, edge for me. Take yourself right to the brink of release and stop there. Don’t go over.’
‘Yes Ma’am,’ he answered, and I could hear him adjust. I listened to the sounds of his body shifting against his blanket. I listened to the uneven breaths that he took. I listened to that strange purr of his which eventually turned into the softest groan which elicited a strong response in me. When his groan shifted to a quiet whimper and I heard him still his body, I rolled over and was pleased to see that I could see his face in the sliver of moonlight that washed over the floor.
‘How passive are you?’
‘So passive,’ was all he could get out before I moved from the bed to straddling him. I let him press against me, felt his warmth, his thickness before I shifted and pushed him inside of me. I slowed to work myself over the knot that I know had frightened others away but as he slid deeper into me I simply laughed. The pleasure that I felt was incomparable to what I’d experienced before. For a moment after I remained mostly still, simply rocking back and forth. I listened for his sounds, his groans, his whimpering. He remained true to his word, passive and still, open for me to touch and use however I wanted.
I stroked the side of his face with just my fingertips and heard him inhale sharply. I cupped his face in my hands and picked up some speed. His voice, when he spoke, shook. ‘Ma’am,’ he started and stopped, swallowing hard, ‘I’m so very close to the edge.’
I leaned down to press my chest to his, my hands dropping to brace myself on the ground beside his head. I brushed my cheek against his as I whispered to him, ‘Of course you are, my Boykin. My pleasure is your pleasure.’
As he repeated those last words back to me, I felt the wetness of his tears against the cheek that pressed against his face and he felt the wetness of pent up, unreleased desire wash all over him.
When I was done using him, I climbed back to the bed and wrapped myself up with my blanket. He remained on the edge, his breath ragged, as I told him to go to sleep. He answered as I had predicted and then I waited. I waited for protest. I waited for complaint. I waited for him to argue with me about what had just happened. I waited for him to beg for release, to try to change my mind about how I had handled things. What I heard instead was, ‘Thank you for using me Ma’am’.
I laid awake in bed long after I heard him drop off to sleep. His breathing had changed but the room felt peaceful. There was a stillness that I hadn’t felt or been comfortable in for a number of years. He wasn’t anything like what I thought I was looking for. I would have never suspected it would have been him. For a while I thought it could never be him. But I always leave room to be surprised.
When the light of the sun crept across the floorboards of the cabin, I saw him sprawled out on his blanket, a soft plush near his head that I had not seen the night before. That sweetness brought a smile to my face, a feeling of affection that I was surprised to feel, and it only helped me to feel right in my decision.
I straddled his thighs and he whispered good morning to me. I told him I was going to touch him and that it was imperative that he was still. He answered affirmatively. The metal I held in my hand was warm and I pushed it inside of him. His body responded immediately.
‘This next part will feel strange,’ I warned and he let out a soft groan. I pushed the metal circle in right behind where the hollow rod had gone. I had to manipulate his body just a bit to get it to rotate and once I did, I pulled the strings attached to the hollow rod through the circle of metal until they slid together. Then I pulled the strings further, until he was stretched to full length for me to admire. He opened his eyes and looked at what I was doing.
‘I needed to make sure it was secure,’ I explained. ‘You can touch it now if you want to,’ I said, as I pulled the strings through and out of the metal entirely.
I watched him run touch, poke, prod. I watched him push and pull. I monitored to ensure that it was working the way that I wanted it to. He lifted his head, his eyes on mine as he ran over the lip of the metal that poked slightly above his skin and then pushed it back inside of his body. He looked as though he wanted to ask but didn’t want to be disappointed. This moment of not knowing would have to do.
‘Your name is Kai and you are mine.’
He rested his head back to the ground. A moment later his body shuddered beneath me. He shook and he covered his face for a moment, letting his emotional release wash over him. I rested my hand on his chest while I waited. When he was able to draw in a breath deep enough to respond, he mustered, ‘My name is Kai and I am Yours.’
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