#I am the sun. I produce my own magic. But the moon needs magic to reflect

[the-cooler-king]

Me to my s/o: oh, I'm really sorry - I was so caught up with meetings and pictures that I didn't get a chance to tell you - you look incredible today

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

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Chapter 19: Why am I this way?

Chapter title is lyrics from "LosT"

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It was 7.35pm when I knocked on Oli’s door.

He’d sent me a text saying he’d come by my room around 8, instructing me to cover up – preferably in layers, and while bewildering, I’d done as he wished; slipping the sweater that Liam had hated so much over my mesh top and jeans outfit.

The only problem was that after having spent several hours attempting to stay sane as the guilt inside me expanded and grew until I felt like a fucking pressure pot, I decided that I couldn’t wait until the time Oli had decided to come and collect me.

Instead I took matters into my own hands, even though the hands in question were currently so sweaty I had to continuously wipe them on my jeans as I waited for him to open the door.

I took a deep breath, trying to collect my scattered thoughts.

I knew Oli and I weren’t a couple, and I knew I didn’t necessarily owe him anything, yet it still felt as if I’d just cheated on him by kissing Mat.

By enjoying kissing Mat.

While I knew it was perfectly normal to date, and even get physical, with more than one person at a time, I’d never actually done it before, and because it was all very new to me I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that I’d committed some terrible, unforgivable crime.

Which had me questioning if I only felt this way because of my anxiety, or if my feelings were warranted and I was just a horrible person, playing Russian roulette with people’s hearts.

Pull yourself together, Alice. You haven’t even slept with Mat.

I dried my sweaty palms on my jeans again, wondering what was taking Oli so damn long.

Wondering if I should knock again.

Just as my fist was about to connect with the door, it finally swung open with Oli behind it, fully in black with a half buttoned dress shirt, his tattoos spilling out from every hem.

He squinted at me, eyeing me up with suspicion, “You’re early, and in the wrong place.”

The door opened further to let me inside.

As I walked past him I was hit by the wonderful way he smelled, which was stronger than usual considering he was in the middle of getting ready and had probably just applied whatever magic product that produced it.

“I’m sorry, we need to talk.” I said distantly, slightly distracted as my attention went from his enthralling scent to immediately take in the room before me.

It had a similar light and airy colour scheme as mine and Liam’s room, but the ceilings were even higher, with a massive bed facing a stone fireplace on the opposite wall.

But the real showstopper was the view.

You could see the entire lake from the row of large arch windows, and since the sun had just gone down the mirror image of the moon was slowly dancing on the calm surface of the water.

“What about?” He asked, sounding even more suspicious than he looked as he shut the door.

Deciding I couldn’t stand up during this conversation, I walked over to the end of the bed and took a seat.

“Mat.” I felt myself starting to disassociate ever so slightly as I said his name out loud.

He was in the middle of buttoning his shirt as I spoke, causing his fingers to stop what they were doing entirely.

“About you and Mat?”

“Yes.” My gaze fell to the floor out of shame.

He audibly exhaled before walking over to sit next to me on the bed.

The mattress shifted from the pressure, but I didn’t dare face him, didn’t dare see his expression as the sound of my heart beating in my ears got louder and louder during the heavy silence that had fallen between us.

“Do you still want to go on this date with me?” He asked softly, with so much sadness in his voice that my eyes involuntarily flew straight to him.

Large hazel eyes, framed by hair that had been tamed into more defined locks, were swimming with vulnerability as they looked at me, causing the ache in my heart to intensify tenfold.

“Very much.” I answered with certainty.

He studied my face as several emotions flickered over his features.

“Then I don’t need to know.” He stated casually before he shot out of bed to continue buttoning his shirt.

Feeling panicked, I frowned deeply, knowing I needed to tell him what happened before I fucking exploded.

“Wait, but–” I started, but he cut me off instantly, raising his voice in the process.

“Alice!” He bit out, shooting me daggers for a split second before his expression softened. He walked back over to me, reaching down to scoop up my hands into his, guiding me to stand before him, “Let tonight be about us.” He pleaded.

As I looked up at the man that was glowing with so much adoration for me that it caused my chest to constrict, I knew I didn’t have a choice but to answer his plea, knowing my heart wouldn’t allow anything else.

“Okay.” I said under my breath, reluctantly.

His pleading features shifted to a warm smile, tension slipping away from him, “Thank you.”

Letting go of my hands he skipped over to the window for a quick look at the sky as he finished doing the last of his buttons.

“Come on, love.” Is all he said before he took my hand and hurried us to the exit, not allowing me another second to reconsider my decision, or to start up another conversation.

The look he shot me after shutting the door was so full of excitement I couldn’t help but smile back at his sparkling grin, some of the anxiety from not having told him what transpired between me and his best friend melting away in the process.

But confusion quickly claimed me instead, as I was being pulled in the opposite direction of the elevator.

“Wait, where are we going?” I laughed.

“Oh, don't you worry about that.” Stopping at the emergency exit at the end of the corridor, he shot me yet another devil's grin before pushing the door open, leading to a winding staircase.

“Are we allowed to do this?” I heard my words echo in the stairwell as we quickly ascended the steps.

“Turns out, when you pay people they let you do whatever you want really.” He looked back at me, “Well, within reason of course.”

“I see, so is that what you’re doing with me then?” I asked teasingly, causing him to laugh as we reached the top of the stairs that had led us to a large door.

“While I fucking love calling you my whore, I was hoping your reasons for following my orders when we’re alone wasn’t for monetary purposes.” He said with a suggestive smile, pushing the door open.

It was so dark at first that I didn’t see anything, but my eyes quickly adjusted.

We were standing on the rooftop of the hotel looking out over the lake, the short stone wall perimeter adorned in fairy lights, and a large pile of blankets and pillows in the very middle, next to a tray with drinks and some food.

Oli let go of my hand and began walking backwards towards the blankets, arms stretched out, looking proud of what he’d set up for us, “What do you think?”

I was in awe as I took in the space.

The thought struck me that I’d never had anyone prepare such a romantic date for me before.

“This isn’t what I expected.” I breathed.

With a frown his arms fell to his sides, “Disappointed?”

“No, it’s incredible – perfect, actually.” The smile returned to his features as he walked back towards me, “I was just expecting– I guess I thought you wanted us to be more open about us, and this is very… private.” 

He came to a stop in front of me, “We are more open – everyone knows we’re on a date right now– besides, I just wanted to get you alone again, no distractions this time, just you and me, so I can spend more time with you.” The suggestive grin returned as he leaned in closer, “Which is why I told you to cover up.”

I felt my brows furrow, “Because I’m distracting?”

“There’s nothing more distracting, love.” He said so seriously I almost laughed.

It was my turn to be suggestive, “I was covered up for most of last night, you still ended up coming twice.”

A light breeze came as his eyes darkened, causing his locks to sweep over his face, gently rustling the trees all around us, “You may have been in a baggy sweater, love, but I knew what was on display under that poor excuse for a skirt, barely covering your ass.” As he spoke his gaze wandered to my lips, the air quickly filling with the familiar electricity that always seemed to fly between us. 

Yet this time it stirred discomfort in me, as if it didn’t feel right to do this without him knowing about me and Mat.

“Not to mention the absolutely perverted lipstick you’d chosen, how was I not supposed to play with it? As soon as I saw it on your fuckable little mouth I knew exactly what I wanted to do.” His thumb was just about to connect with my lower lip, hovering not even an inch from it, to rub it just like he’d done last night. 

Heat spread throughout my whole body.

But the imminent physical contact also made me tense up; made me want to blurt out that I felt his friend's erection between my legs earlier, despite him not needing to know; despite him making it very clear that he doesn’t want to know.

Thankfully the hand fell away right as it touched me, with Oli shaking his head.

“None of that, come with me.” He said flatly, eyes wide, clearly attempting to keep us on track so we wouldn’t just spend all night fucking, which, for once, I was extremely grateful for.

Taking my hand, he swiftly led us to the blanket pile that he proceeded to lay down on, patting the space next to him for me to get comfortable as well.

As I took a seat, I paused to look at him, my heart still screaming to tell him what happened, making me question why I needed him to know so badly, while also wishing intensely that I didn’t feel like this at all so I could simply enjoy the night.

A couple of frown lines appeared on Oli’s forehead as I wordlessly stared at him, “Come on, love, lay down with me.”

His words were spoken gently, clearly worried, either about me or whatever he assumed was running through my head.

Attempting to shake off my thoughts, I did as he requested, making sure to leave a bit of space between us, not feeling steady enough for physical contact.

But my intrusive thoughts melted away effortlessly as soon as my head hit the pillow.

My eyes had adjusted further to the darkness, allowing me to now see the massive blanket of twinkling stars above us.

Having lived in cities my whole life, the night sky I knew looked nothing like this.

“That’s amazing.” I said distantly, lost in the natural beauty above us.

“I love the stars, I don’t get to see them too often though.” He said with wonder in his voice.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen them this clearly.” The longer I looked the more my eyes adjusted, causing even more stars to appear, this time with very faint washes of colours behind them, giving me the illusion that someone was painting the vision before me as I watched.

“I used to dread coming here.” He started, and while Mat had already told me that, I wasn’t about to interrupt him as he opened up to me, “The first time was a bloody nightmare, thought I’d rip my hair out with how little there is to do. But that was back when I needed constant distraction to stay sane – also back when ketamine was a bigger problem.” He tilted his head towards me for a second, I would have met his eyes but they quickly returned to the night sky as he continued with his story.

“Second year they had to essentially drag me here, but I came more prepared – mostly with a lot of weed,” He huffed out a nervous laugh, as if talking about his old self had mentally brought him back there, “Bumped into a janitor as I was heading out to find somewhere nice to sit and smoke – stuffy old fella, he smelled the weed on me and pointed out that it’s not allowed here, but I could tell he didn’t actually give a shit, so thought I’d try offering him some. All he did was shrug and led us up to this roof to get high.” 

I felt myself smile, trying to imagine some rigid old man hanging out with Oli in his twenties.

“We had fuck-all in common; he was in his 60’s, religious man, never heard of our band – pretty sure he thought metal music was the devils music, but turned out his wife had just died so I don’t think he cared much about anything anymore.” He paused for a moment, sighing before he continued, “He was honestly kind of a prick, but he loved the stars, knew all the names of the constellations – told me them too. He tried really hard to describe exactly where they were, but none of it stuck, probably cause none of it really made sense to me.”

At some point my gaze had wandered to Oli as he spoke, his eyes sparkling as he dreamily stared at the sky above us, lost in his story. 

"Never saw him again either, don’t even remember his name, but every year after that I’ve been coming up here to look at the stars – well, whenever the weather would allow it. But since I never learned the proper names, I’ve just sort of been making up my own from whatever shape I see that night – kind of like cloud gazing. Like over there, that totally looks like a car, doesn’t it?”

He moved a bit closer, our shoulders connecting as he pointed towards an area in the sky, his intoxicating smell flooding me.

I swallowed, attempting to focus on what he was showing me, but I couldn’t see anything that even remotely resembled a car.

“I can’t tell if I’m blind, or if you’re making it up, but there’s no way there’s anything car-shaped there.” I retorted as steady as I could, trying to keep the mood light.

Trying not to be too distracted by his proximity.

However, that immediately became impossible when he turned to his side and moved even closer, pressing his warm, slightly stubbly cheek to mine, causing my breath to hitch before he took my hand, pointing my index finger to the shape he was trying to describe in the sky.

“You see these six stars here…” He spoke softly as he guided my finger in a circle over the six stars, his warm breath fanning my face, smelling minty, “That’s the front wheel – and these ones over here…” My finger was directed in a shape that loosely resembled an oval, a bit to the right of the circle, which was hard to follow since my attention has been hijacked by how his thighs rubbed against mine, how his hand so tenderly held my fingers in his, and how his hair tickled my face in the gentle breeze of the night, “That’s the back wheel. Then finally, this riiiight here…” Trailing my finger in the most jagged arch possible, I couldn’t help but frown as the vehicle appeared in the sky above me, “That’s the top of the car. You see it?”

It was truly one of the most horrible renditions of a car I could imagine.

“Oli, the only way you could convince me that’s a car is if a small child drew it.”

He laughed as he laid back down on his back, angling himself in such a way that our shoulders and temples touched, “That’s fair, it’s not my best work. You try one.”

It took me a moment before I even began searching the sky, being suddenly overwhelmed by the emotions building in my chest, which only multiplied when Oli sighed, snuggling his head into mine even more.

There seemed to be a confusing duality with every emotion I felt in the presence of the man next to me; pain made me feel pleasure, happiness so easily caused panic, and I found comfort in the discomfort he so deliciously crafted for me.

Which sadly meant that the most perfect night I could imagine was currently being ruined by the soul crushing guilt that intensified every time I was reminded of how I felt about him.

How I wanted nothing more than to cuddle into him right now, yet feeling like I didn’t deserve the joy it would bring me.

“Nothing, love?” He asked after a while.

“Not yet, just a bit longer.”

My eyes had been mindlessly searching as I filtered through my thoughts, and finally I saw something.

“Oh– a smiley face!” I exclaimed with a bit too much excitement than the situation warranted.

“Show me.” He said before pushing his arm under my neck, wrapping his other hand around my thigh in order to pull me close, nestling me up against him.

My pulse sped up as I was flooded with more emotions; more discomfort; more happiness; more panic.

With a slightly shaky hand I started tracing the mouth, “Right there.” I whispered.

He pressed his face closer to mine to get a better look.

“Oh yeah, I see it.” He breathed, before reaching for one of the spare blankets, draping it over us as we laid tangled up with my head on his shoulder.

It was a fairly warm night, and the blanket was thin, not adding much warmth or weight to us, yet it felt as if I was suffocating as I listened to his heartbeat under my ear, my fingers restlessly playing with the buttons of his shirt, his hand on my arm caressing me tenderly, lovingly.

I should be happy – content – yet the wonderful sensations caused my heart to break.

He released another long sigh, holding me even closer, and I could barely take it anymore.

“It’s all you can think about, isn’t it? The stuff with Mat.”

The question took me by surprise, even though I realised my mood was very clearly written all over me.

“Yes.” Afraid to say it out loud, the word had barely been a whisper.

He rolled me onto my back, perching himself on his elbow so he could look at me during this conversation.

Tears stung my eyes as I looked at him hovering over me, his beautiful dark locks falling over worried features, with the starlit sky as his backdrop.

I felt such deep disappointment in myself for not being able to let it go, not being able to stop the guilt from eating me alive.

The stunning man above me visibly tensed, his worried features turning increasingly serious, “Do you have feelings for him?”

Shaking my head, I answered with confidence, “No, I don’t.”

It was too soon, all I felt for Mat right now was interest – curiosity.

And attraction.

His eyes pinned me, “Then please, Alice, drop it.” 

A tear ran down the side of my face, “I can’t.” 

“Why?” He asked through clenched teeth, frustration clearly taking hold of him.

“Because it feels like I’ve cheated, and you said that was a dealbreaker.”

While it had been obvious something had happened between me and Mat from the moment I stepped into Oli’s hotel room tonight, this was the first time I’d said something that had actually confirmed it.

With that confession, some of the pressure inside me began to ease, making me want to tell him everything, despite Oli’s wishes.

Despite how much pain and anger was twisting his features, the volatile energy radiating off of him in waves as he wordlessly glared at me.

When he finally spoke the words were low, aggressive, “You aren’t mine.”

Logically I knew I wasn’t, I knew we weren’t a couple, yet the words stung and burned like acid.

“Then why does it feel like I am?” I whispered, more tears running into my hairline.

For a moment I thought he was about to break down, to join me in tears as I whispered the words, but the anger returned immediately, the air so thick with it I could barely breathe. 

“But you’re not. You’re not ready to commit to me, to be mine, are you?”

I wasn’t – not yet, not with this many unanswered questions; not with this much confusion.

Not with this many fears.

So I shook my head in response, not able to speak the words.

“Then fucking drop it.”

The words were already on my lips as he pleaded for me to keep the information to myself, begging me to spare him the details, knowing it would only hurt him further.

Yet I couldn’t stop myself.

“We kissed.”

His hand was suddenly at my throat, baring his teeth, a mixture of intense disbelief and pure rage burning in his eyes.

But it only made me want to keep sharing, keep pushing the knife in deeper.

“I also walked in on him last night, when he was– right as he–”

The tears were streaming from my eyes as I clumsily pushed the words out of me, needing them to leave my mouth so they’d stop torturing me. 

The furious man above me digging his nails into the flesh of my neck, yet refusing to apply any pressure that would stop me from speaking.

“Shut the fuck up, Alice.” He spat.

“...Right as he came.” A sense of relief washed over me as I finished my sentence.

His chest was heaving, the fingers on my throat shaking as the nails dug in deeper, hurting me in a way that did nothing but make me feel infinitely better as the pressure inside me subsided.

Meanwhile the pressure inside Oli was building, threatening to explode.

But that’s what I want, isn't it? For him to take it out on me, so I can feel less guilty.

Unease settled in my stomach at the realisation.

“Did you like it?” His words were mocking, vicious, dripping with uncontained fury. 

I nodded, feeling dizzy from the intense mixture of emotions and sensations, my uncontrollable tears flooding my eyes further, turning the man above me blurry before each blink.

He studied my face as he worked overtime to control his rage, “Why are you telling me this?”

“I don’t want to have any secrets with you.”

With a sharp inhale the anger immediately fell away from him as I spoke the words I’d realised last night in my bunk, knowing that I couldn’t consider potentially starting something with Oli while keeping secrets.

“B-but that’s not the only reason.” I pressed on, knowing that not keeping secrets included sharing the realisation that hit me just a moment ago.

The fury returned to his features like it never left; as if he could read my mind.

“You want me to punish you, don’t you? So you’ll feel better?”

I felt my whole face twist in pain as the guilt punched me in the gut, hating how he already knew, hating how right he was.

Hating myself for being like this, for torturing him in the process.

“At any point did you stop to think how deeply fucking selfish that is?”

“I know– I know, I’m not expecting it, I’m so sorry, Oli. P-please, forgive me. I just wanted to enjoy tonight with you so badly– I, I’m–”

The hand on my throat moved to my mouth, covering it firmly, effectively putting an end to my rambling apology.

I blinked away more tears as he pushed my legs apart with his, the furious, unwavering stare darkening as he mounted me, the blanket that he’d so lovingly wrapped us up in just moments ago falling away from our bodies in the process.

“Do you want me to fuck the pain away?”

The air, already sickly thick from rage and pain, turned thicker still with lust, my whole body screaming for his; needing the sweetest of release that only he could offer, more than I needed air.

I nodded slowly against his hand, feeling shame for admitting it considering the circumstances.

His eyes darkened further, his hair falling over them, rendering them barely visible above me as his hips connected with mine, grinding his already solid length against my pussy so hard it hurt in the most delightful of ways through the thick fabric of my jeans, making him inhale a ragged breath while I moaned into his hand, blinking away more tears.

“I want to be more than your painkiller, Alice.” I could feel a deep heartbeat between my legs with his erection pressed against me, his breath coming heavier in the process, “But the relief works both ways, and I’m suffering a fair bit right now.”

He ground down on me again, my back arching into him, my legs wrapping around him.

Studying my face, he let go of my mouth, causing our breaths to mingle in the night air as another gust of wind rustled the trees.

“You’ll need a safeword tonight.” He breathed, “Say red if you want me to stop entirely, and pink if you want me to ease up. I will not fucking listen to any other words, you can scream ‘no’ till you turn blue – I won’t give a shit. Are we clear?” He asked, glaring at me.

A shiver ran through me.

Excitement, fear, adrenaline, and curiosity all blossomed in my chest, making me feel incredible.

Making me feel alive.

“We’re clear.”

He visibly swallowed, “Alright.”

Pushing off of me entirely, he crouched to collect me, effortlessly throwing me over his shoulder.

My heart was racing so fast I thought it would beat right out of my chest as he took long strides towards the door.

I realised I hadn’t thought this through, that he was probably taking me to his room – that we’d have to walk through the corridor that had been bustling with people every time I’d used it – including the other band members.

“Wait!” I yelled as he pushed the door open to the stairs, and was immediately met with a sharp pain on my behind, burning as the hand that had caused the pain trailed down towards my thigh, the thumb brushing over my pussy in the process. 

“That’s not the fucking safeword, is it?” His words echoed in the stairwell, followed immediately by another burning slap, the caressing thumb pressed harder against my core this time.

I whimpered in pain, considering using the safeword already, to avoid any potential awkwardness on our way to his room.

Which was foolish of me, knowing damn well how badly I needed this.

So I shut up, accepting that whatever happens, happens.

As soon as we were flooded by the bright light of the hotel corridor Oli spoke, causing my heart to sink.

“Hiya, mate, you alright?” The aggressive energy in his voice remained unchanged as he spoke the casual words.

“Yeah, good thanks.”

I felt myself go ice cold.

I couldn’t see him, but I knew that voice; it was Mat.

He’d answered flatly, sounding distant, obviously shocked by the vision before him.

But Oli didn’t falter, he never stopped taking long strides – nor did he stop inflicting pain on me.

When Mat’s legs entered my peripheral vision as we passed him, I felt another slap, growing more painful each time it happened, making me whimper louder.

I looked up at Mat through my hair as I was helplessly being dragged off, his eyes were dark with some unreadable emotion as he stood by his room, clutching his keycard.

All I could do was let him stare at me while my expression involuntarily melted into obvious pleasure as fingers dragged over my pussy, before we disappeared into Oli’s room.

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[amphiptere-art]

Ok. I'm going to spit all my mer ideas here. Don't know which ones are still sticking and don't know which ones I might change. Either way just take everything I've ever said before about my mer lore as non-cannon anymore. This is a complete redo. And while I will try to preserve as much as I can from the original narrative. I am essentially making my own world.

Now let's start the complete redo of my mer lore.

Now this is taking a bit from the locked door of course. Which means that a lot of mythical creatures just kind of exist. Mer just kind of exist because the artist made them so. But we're going to try and spin the best logical explanation that a person could derive.

First let's set up the world. This is a course going to be an ocean world. We can't have creatures like Blue Moon simply wandering around in a non-ocean world. So Ocean world. Another thing is the different zones, and more particularly how you can have such giant life living lower in a zone without getting much energy from the sun or resources. Someone else and other rich areas need energy from something else like the Sun to strive. Most things that live in the dead of space travel from these rich areas. Meaning that we need a rich area that can live a little deeper.

Now of course I could do the thing I did before. Which is saying that the sun is God and is much much stronger. Making it so the Twilight zone is much much lower. Smushing this night light zone in between. But I thought of something that might be a little better. Now of course this world is a bit more magical. More subnautica less realism. So we're going to bring back this nice little fantasy idea from another story of mine.

Sun Stones. Perhaps also called Shadow Stones. Point is these are rocks that in the original story were held in this sort of middle earth like area. They don't produce light, But they do still produce an energy that can be taken by plants and other creatures. So we're going to introduce these lovely energy producing stones to make that lovely Twilight zone not so lifeless. Deeper below the Twilight zone and beyond. There are little clusters of these rocks. These clusters act very similar to reefs. They are nutrient positive areas deep in the dark. Shadow Stones before also made plant life go bioluminescent to get that energy. So that follows here. Essentially these are glowing reefs that are in the deep. They come in little pockets much like many reefs. So indeed the rest of the ocean is still pretty barren. But you have these little speck of light that many of these deep mer inhabit.

Now onto some options I made for myself on how these mer evolved. The first one is that they were a river species acting somewhat like a manatee. Soon diversifying into a large clad. Now while evolution is a godsend that can basically do anything. It is stuck in some regards. And just saying that a bunch of creatures derived from something like a manatee in two thousands of Leviathan class creatures that still have arms just doesn't make sense.

The second option, that I like much better, is that it's some sort of DNA changing virus. It will be an exaggeration of a DNA changing virus of course. But essentially this is a virus that could come through any sort of orifice Is that once inside starts to affect the host. Changing the DNA to have a more mer-like appearance. Increasing their intelligence and other things. Why are the creature that initially got it might not change dramatically. Any offspring it has will. And of course any offspring of that mutated offspring will have a more even concentrated version of the virus. Making a selection of mer that can mimic many species. There is no family tree connecting mer. Other than that virus and Whatever relations were from the parent species that was infected.

I'm going to say gigantism is actually a somewhat normal trait. The virus already makes them bigger to fit in with the whole Mer shape. A small fishes children will get unreasonably large. So gigantism is somewhat normal. Now here's the kicker. When a mer breeds with a mer. Usually the virus realizes that it doesn't really need to do too much. Usually making a replicate. But some of them don't realize that. And usually an error like that can spread. Especially when it is in a virus like form. Which is where you get leviathan's like blue moon. Basically the virus forgot to turn off that one trait that makes them so and so bigger than the base fish. Making them so and so bigger than the mer.

Another mutation that they get. Is that they have a capacity to breathe air. This is also another mutation that can improve through a reoccurring gene. Basically the standard Is it a good amount of being able to breathe air but not enough to live there. Depending on the species it could be better. Like something like a seal. But for other species I would compare it and more so to whales. We're basically they can breathe oxygen for a time before they need to dive. Something that can be improve the more they grow but as a youngling they need to breathe more water. Although with a certain gene mutation it can get extraordinarily better. Basically they will be able to breathe air much more efficiently the more that gene repeats. Meaning that some mer can hang out on the land as much as they can in the water. And others can only take breaths before diving back down.

Of course another mutation is the higher intelligence. It makes them similar to humans in some regards. Although I would call them more tribal. They have an understanding of families and protection in groups. They also have a sense of morals and other things like that. Of course they are still fish. And fish eat fish. That is simply the natural order. But sometimes that natural order is looked down upon do to morals. It's a personal choice. Usually those that form large groups and fish that swarm will look down upon cannibalism. While others that usually grow solo and are naturally solo predators when fish. I don't have so much of a pick. Although for the most part they will not eat family.

Humans still exist. There of course more alien due to the world. But they just look like humans. My pencil says so. So marking that off that they still exist. Humans are prevalent enough to cast nets and other things to catch the more standard like fish. They have become as much of a standard problem for the oceans as anything else. The only difference is that they don't have as much land to build on. So instead they usually build giant floating civilizations. Built out of stuff they could mine from under the ocean. Of which the ocean do to this environment is quite prevalent in similar materials to what you would find on the land. Humans just can't breathe water and therefore there are many floating civilizations.

Humans of course wanted to meddle with this wonderful little virus. It is an evolutionary marvel. Something you definitely want to have on your hands. So there's a bunch of labs and research groups that want to study. That original idea of humans being split into two groups around mer. One wishes to research them and basically take that evolutionary virus and change it to their own will. Either attempting to make it work on the human species so they can rule the oceans as well, or other things. There is of course the researchers. But don't necessarily want to meddle with the things that made mer. They wish to protect the species. Realizing also that they are a marvel but not for their uses.

This of course has a big battle between the labs mutating mer in horrendous ways. While the research group scrambles to not only heal what the lab group has done, But also from other humans just having a hard time with the mer. Humans will still take mer either for hunting pleasure or for their own battling rings. There's also just general disdain with the species for being smarter and able to unwind traps. The research group basically tries to corral mer into non-human areas and help those who have been harmed by humans.

No of course you can see this is a pretty settled world on how it's different from what I had before. But other than the world, DNA changing virus, And how humans have impacted things I haven't really talked about mer biology. At least excluding the DNA changing virus. Explaining how a gigantism works. I need to explain more so how they breed, and all those in between things. So let's set up one thing. The DNA changing virus just changes the mental capacity and their body. It doesn't really change the behavior.

Which means that overall. All Mer breed like the species that they're mimicking. Now of course mer of different species have bread with one another. Making hybrids of two different types of fish. In this circumstance usually the breeding will be one or the other. Usually supported by the body type that they took over most. An example of blue moon they breed more like an ribbon eel because They don't look like a leafy dragon. While someone like annular would do the leafy dragon breeding instead of the ribbon eel one.

Now of course there is the higher mentality mutation. This like I discussed before is more so why they make tribes. There are still differences between fish and stuff. Usually those at school will stay together. They will make tribes and usually have a cast. The leader is usually the biggest or the smartest. Other fish can challenge for the leadership position. Others will take upon different tasks to help their school. Shaman, healer, war Chief, etc. these schools will stay together for the most part unless one is banished or they wish to move on. They're is of course the solo mer. These usually are on their own or in family groups. Family groups usually splitting when they're older but they can continue to stay together for some time.

Which gets me onto the add-on with the breeding thing. While they will breed like the fish they derive from. Usually they will protect their nests unlike other fish. While breeding instances like salmon or other massive group breeding fish exist and they still breed in that fashion. It is instead more like the whole clan moving over to their breeding grounds to protect their eggs. Whether it is a solo fish or a school they will stick around long enough for the eggs to hatch. They will then care for they're young until It no longer is advantageous to do so. Such as the standard "you reached adult age" mannerism. Although some mer Of course don't follow that norm unless they want to.

I really hope I've gone through all the conceptions there. I don't know if I can think of anymore. So let's get on to rewriting the lore of mer Blue Moon a bit. I don't think it's too much but, just a bit.

So Mer Blue Moon is from a long line of experimented on Mer that played with the gigantism gene. Unfortunately they got caught. The research group basically snapped their wrist. Making them release all the giant mer. One of these was Blue Moon's father. Well Mom. Ribbon eels reproduce by coming out male as first and then turning female to lay eggs. But either way they layed their eggs. But due to being in a lab for so long they died shortly after. Running off so that their corpse did not drag predators towards their unborn egg.

I'm going to let a lot of people slot their characters in here. Because it allows for a baby adoption. But onwards to getting the family together before ripping it apart.

The standard scenario is that Golden red (sun) and tempting waters (moon) find the egg. Although in this world it's not so much because they want to raise it. More like they were planning on eating it. Unfortunately the baby hatched before they were able to react. So they were stuck with this child that had imprinted on them. They didn't necessarily want to raise the thing. So for Blue Moon was just left following people that didn't care about them and just hunting for themselves for the majority.

This is one of the basic story of Mer Blue Moon being a problem for boats happens. Basically they got so big and due to golden red and tempting waters being closer to humans. They caused a lot of issues. Mostly gaining their boating accident scars and other things. The research group was consistently trying to push them into deeper waters and tag them to at least keep track of where this giant fish was. Unfortunately Blue Moon is very good at taking off the trackers and kept coming back because of the imprint. Resulting in the same scenario where they just label the area as a hazard zone.

I'm going to add in mer Blackstar because I want to. He was unfortunately also caught by humans. But those lab researchers weren't caught. And they had a fighting ring. Basically Black Star was not only experimented on but also forced to fight other mer. Making them gain a general distrust towards any mer or human. The experiments were mostly trying to extract their DNA changing virus. Although there was of course other things that happened. This is the first time making Black Star as a fish. So I don't have a design. But the flecking gold design on them is actually scars.

Anyways thankful at some point the research group caught on. Although they only caught them at the fighting ring. So they have no idea of the experiments, just the fighting. So after spending some time trying to teach Black Star normally how to get along. They eventually gave up and just released him into the area. Black Star migrating over to wear blue moon lives. Blue Moon was of course much much bigger at this point. So when they first meet Blue Moon could have eaten him. But instead they could smell that something was wrong and decided to take pity. Black Star was frozen when this giant thing cuddled them. But soon started to see Blue Moon as their protection. Untrusting of any that came around and most didn't because of Blue Moon's size.

And that's what I'm going to set up. This is a more crossover cut area. Hopefully it's not two different from before. I just added in Black Star and changed the personality of golden red and tempting waters.

[mister-e-muss]

Happy New Year’s y’all!

And on this new years, I bring yet another backlog report.

Trails in the Sky SC

Having finished Trails in the Sky FC two months ago, I immediately dig into its sequel. I appreciate just how much effort goes into the worldbuilding of these games. The new Orbment system isn’t just because of a mechanical reworking, but because it’s a new model of in-universe technology. Back in the first game, there’s a pair of NPC’s that are a couple, one of whom is hilariously trying and failing to propose throughout the entire last chapter of the game. We meet them again in here, and learn that they’re now on their honeymoon across the country. It’s a small connection, but it speaks to the level of detail that these worlds posses that a pair of minor characters, with no voices lines at all, still have an ongoing story between the games.

As for gameplay and the larger narrative, the former remains largely the same, with a few minor tweaks, while the latter is simply excellent. I dare not go into details, but I feel like this is where the Trails series truly starts to identify itself.

Trails in the Sky the 3rd

You know how I just mentioned that a huge part of this series’ charm is detailed world-building, and narratively continuous NPCs with their own stories? Yeah what if we made a game with little to nothing in regards to either.

I preface this by saying I genuinely enjoyed my time with 3rd, and it does some things very well. The Star/Sun/Moon Doors are definitely a mixed bag, but overall rather enjoyable. However, my main issue with this game is that it stretches what writing it has over too much content, like butter over bread, to borrow Tolkien’s analogy.

Truthfully, there are only a few things this game does that could not have been delivered in another game later in the series, or if SC and FC had been just ten hours longer. For instance, while I like near-everything regarding Kevin, Ries, and the Gralsritter, I feel like it would have been a lot more prudent to save these concepts for their own arc, rather than staple them to the back end of Sky. While I appreciate things like Star Door 8 formally introducing Osborne to the audience and setting up the Cold Steel arc, did we really need an entire Star door dedicated to the exact specifications and mech design of the Pater-Mater?

As one final aside, I like how this is the game where turn bonuses started to go nuts. Nothing wrong with how the first two games handled it, but health and magic refills can only get so much use.

The Legend of Nayuta: Boundless Trails

If you’ve ever played the older Ys games, then there’s a decent chance that this will feel familiar. A solid action-platformer game.

The biggest things this game has going for it other than the gameplay is the story and the music. This has to be one of the most solid OSTs Falcom has ever produced.

Child of Light

Does a game ever catch you by surprise?

Have you ever fallen in love in such a short time?

Ten hours and two this game has stolen from me

Twelve charmed hours that I will never again see

Hours spent slowing enemies and interrupting them.

Hours spent in simple but fun skill trees.

Yet not angered am I, nor will I be.

Because just like this game, this entire review rhymes.

[heatherwitch]

Witchcraft for the Chronically Fatigued

Fatigue looks at things such as tiredness, drowsiness, exhaustion, weakness, lethargy and memory issues and says “I can do all that and more!”. It leaves you feeling utterly trapped in your own body; unable to move, or even think at times. It fluctuates, but is always looming. 

While this post is open for all, it is written for those who truly relate to this all-consuming feeling (due to ME/CFS, other chronic illnesses, mental illness, or undiagnosed causes). Not all of these may work for you, but hopefully they inspire something that will. For general low energy witchcraft, check out my Bedridden Witch Series!

As always: witchcraft is to be used in addition to proper medical care, treatment and medication; not as a sole alternative.

To draw energy:

If you cannot produce your own, magically created will be just fine!

Crystals. 

I tend to use clear quartz for an energy boost, but trust your intuition; if something calls to you, it’s for a reason. 

Keep it near your bedside table, under your pillow, hold it in your hand or place it on your body where you feel the fatigue most strongly centered. 

When on the go, carry it in your pocket or wear as jewelry. If it is larger, carry in a bag and hold it when you need it. 

Charge using a charging board or the elements. 

Crystals for fatigue

Waters.

Physically touching water brings me energy. I keep jars of snow, rain, storm, river, stream (etc, etc.) water and will dip my fingers in it and mark that parts of my body where the fatigue feels strongest. Be aware of pollutants and do not ingest!

The same method can be done with tap water (or water charged under the sun or moon)

Drink sun water or sun tea (start with drinking safe water and let it absorb the energies of the sun).

Some people find moon water to be energizing (same process as above, just with the moon). 

See also: Bedridden witch: Bath edition.

Other elements.

Note what is energizing to you and what is draining to you. Consider: the sun, moon (and it’s phases), weather (rain, overcast, snow, storm, wind), cold vs. hot, the earth, fire, air, etc.

Once you find which elements are energizing to you, find ways to incorporate them into your life. Examples: jars of different waters or soils, rocks collected from places, candles, and more.

I usually draw energy up from the earth by placing my palms flat towards the earth by the sides of my body. So if I was lying down, my arms would be at my sides with my palms facing down.

Expose yourself or protect yourself. I’ll use my personal experiences as an example here... Rain often energizes me. When it rains, I’ll open my windows, and if I’m able I’ll step outside or collect some water. On the flipside, full moons often drain me. I’ll close my windows and curtains, hang an extra blanket over my bedroom window, use water to paint protective sigils on the window and increase my wards.

See also: Bedridden witch: Elements edition and Bedridden witch: Weather edition

To manage symptoms:

Brain fog:

Brainfog lifting

“Brainfog begone” sigil

Fatigue: 

Spoonie spell for energy

Energy gain spell

Energy boost spell

Energy bath

Fatigue recovery spell jar

Headaches (and migraines):

Headache healing

To banish a headache

Anti-migraine spell

Anti-migraine spell bottle

Migraine relief bath

Joint pain:

Arthritis pain relief oil

Joint pain spell

Healing spell for joints

Memory:

Memory masterpost

Memory and concentration spell

Mental reboost tea spell

Muscle pain:

Muscle pain sachet

Warming salve for sore muscles

Crystals for muscle pain (external site)

For more categories of symptoms please see my posts for symptoms relating to chronic illness and mental illness!

Practicing the craft with energy limitations:

Tips and tricks:

I highly recommend preparing things when your energy allows, so it’s always ready to go when you need it (and isn’t dependent on current energy levels). 

Cleansing: Let other things do your work for you. Open your windows/get fresh air, steam or smoke, sound, etc. Bedridden energy cleansing.

Divination: Use apps when physical movement is hard. One card spreads, shorten your pendulum so you don’t need to lift your arm, divine using the elements, etc. Bedridden divination.

Spells: Make your own spell kits. Spell jars and sachets are also an excellent way to already have the spell prepared, set it up so you can simply shake it to re/activate the spell.

Warding: Create physical ties for your wards that aren’t reliant on consistent upkeep (as a failsafe), and reinforce your other ward layers when you have the energy. I create far more layers than I need so when I am unable to reinforce them, they still protect me. 

Worship: Compile prayers and devotions somewhere you can easily find and read them, have a wall altar for easy maintenance, keep offerings simple (a glass of water, for example). Bedridden worship.

Many more tips and tricks in these posts:

Bedridden witch series (masterpost of all my current bedridden witch posts, including some that weren’t linked here!)

Limited hand mobility + witchcraft (divination, spells, working with flames, recording information and more)

Nonverbal witchcraft

You may also like:

Magic to replenish energy

Spoonie witch masterpost

Chronically ill witchcraft: For your symptoms

Mentally ill witchcraft: For your symptoms

Witchcraft & Meds

Low energy cleaning + cleansing

Sigils: (pain + symptoms) (mental illness + energy) (healing + misc.) 

Drink magic masterpost

Rejuvenating witchcraft

Do none of these posts fit your needs? Let me know, I’m always looking for more ways to make witchcraft accessible!

**Do not repost or share on other platforms - reblogging is okay!**

Last updated May of 2020. Please check for updates and inform me of broken links via askbox!

[elfrooting]

Hey, Nonny! Sorry for taking a while to reply, I wanted to make sure that I gave this the appropriate amount of time and thought, as it’s a subject that I think warrants a lot of care. Also I can’t seem to reply directly from my inbox, I think maybe Xkit is f-ing up at the moment, so sorry for the weird formatting as well!

Before I get into my opinion on the film, I think it’s important to clarify a couple of things.

1) I am part of the American Sámi diaspora. I have regrettably never lived in Sápmi (although if I thought my husband would let me drag him up there, I would be on a plane tomorrow), and my Sámi heritage is also something I have only recently begun the process of reconnecting to. My Sámi ancestor immigrated from Sweden to the United States to escape persecution and forced assimilation, so when they arrived here, they tried very hard to blend in with other Scandanavian immigrants and did not pass their language and culture down to their children. As such, I have not grown up in the culture and was raised in a very typically white midwest family, and so I don’t have the same lived experiences as a Sámi person who has grown up in Sámi culture in a country where racism against our people is still very much alive and well. I could write a whole separate post on what it means to be a white-passing indigenous person living thousands of miles from their ancestral lands with only bits and pieces of their culture accessible, but that’s not what you’re asking about, so I’ll save that for another time. But I do want to be very transparent about this part of my identity and make it clear that I experience a level of privilege that many, many Sámi do not.

2) Sámi people, like any marginalized group, are not a monolith. We are all individuals with our own differing backgrounds and lived experiences, and because of that our opinions on things like this are not universal. So what I say in this post may vary from what you see from other Sámi people, and my opinion does not invalidate or negate theirs. We are all allowed to feel however we feel about issues that relate to the representation of our culture in media and the impact it has on our community. My opinion is my own and shouldn’t be taken as The Sámi Opinion™ on the matter. There are a lot of other posts about it from other Sámi folks, as you’ve noted, and I would encourage everyone to look at all of them to get a broader view of how the film has been received by our community.

SO. All that being said, here are my thoughts:

The Frozen franchise already had kind of a special place in my heart because of Kristoff. According to the original script from the first film, his character is “a young Sámi boy,” and it was my first time ever seeing a Sámi person represented in an animated film. And while Disney did not remotely do Sámi culture any justice in the first movie, it still felt nice to see my culture being recognized in a children’s film at all. So few people have even heard of us that just to be seen felt kinda good, even if the representation was… not great. LOL.

The second film was produced with the help of Sámi people who consulted on the representation of our culture, both in terms of the aesthetics and the way the Northuldra people’s lifestyle was depicted. It was MUCH better than the first film. However, it still had some issues. This is going to get a bit long so I’m going to put it under a cut.

I think there are a lot of Sámi who can identify with reconnecting to the culture, self certainly included. Centuries of forced assimilation have left a lot of us displaced and removed from our heritage and I think we saw some of ourselves in Anna and Elsa’s discovery of their mother’s Northuldra roots. But the idea that Anna and Elsa automatically get accepted into their culture just by virtue of… a shawl? It felt a little bit superficial to a lot of people, and I think that’s valid. The reconnection process is long and involves proceeding with an abundance of caution, care, and respect. None of us would be able to come in and say “Hey, I have this liidni, it belonged to my mum, so I no longer represent colonization and all the horrific things my family did to you guys, isn’t that great!?” That shit wouldn’f fly, LMAO. 

And the idea that this person who hasn’t been raised in the culture can come in and claim her place without any work, and also happens to be a magical Chosen One archetype has some white savior overtones that are kind of uncomfortable, as well.

I also know that a lot of folks felt that the Northuldra fall into the “noble savage” trope, and I can definitely see that as well. So often the way indigenous people are portrayed boils down to Magical Nature People and it can be tiresome, because it leads to a lot of exotification/fetishization of our culture by outsiders. Like, Ryder’s last name is Nattura. It literally means nature in Icelandic. Of course nature is a huge part of indigenous culture, but we have interests and personalities beyond that and it would be nice to see those explored more in media.

And I’m also kind of salty about Kristoff not getting a proper reconnection, or really any explanation about his origins at all. I thought for sure that they were going to get into that, given his affinity for reindeer and the almost immediate brotherly bond he had with Ryder, but then… nada. I really need my soft Sámi boy to find his place and discover more about his own roots if there ever is a Frozen III. That and gay Elsa, those are my two demands from the Mouse, LOL.

But you know what? There were also parts of the film I really did love.

When Yelena called the Northuldra “people of the sun,” I legit got goosebumps. One of our creation stories explains that we were the children of the sun and the moon, and the seeds of that story are scattered all over Sámi culture. You can find our people referred to as “children of the sun” in some form in many places throughout history. Our flag has a large red and blue circle, which represents the sun and moon respectively. One of our most famous poets, Áillohaš, wrote a book called “Beaivi, Áhčážan,” or “The Sun, My Father.” Our national anthem refers to the Sámi as “Beaivvi bártniid,” sons of the sun. So to hear that referenced in the film was really something.

I also enjoyed the overt anti-colonial themes in the movie, with the dam representing the colonial oppression of indigenous people and Anna working to crumble it despite knowing it might mean the end of Arendelle. In recognizing the role some of her ancestors played in oppressing her other ancestors and doing “the next right thing” to correct it, she was showing that she was willing to face the ugly parts of her family’s history in order to truly embrace her heritage, and as someone with mixed indigenous and colonizer ancestry, I felt that in a big way.

So yeah… it definitely was not what I would call perfect representation, but then, I don’t think that media written about Sámi culture by non-Sámi people ever will be. Even the much-praised Klaus—which is a beautiful film, by the way, and I would literally die for Márgu—but even it had some room for improvement in the way we were portrayed. Still, I felt Frozen II had a lot of positives going for it and I’m hoping future installments in the franchise will continue to improve on indigenous representation, and that Disney will continue to involve our community in the discussion when doing so.

I hope that answers your question adequately, Nonny! Feel free to send another ask if you want me to expand on anything or provide any clarification. And thank you for the ask, and for listening and learning what you can about our culture. It means a lot!

[mamamittens]

Long Awaited LoZ Thoughts

I’d like to start this off by explaining my background. I have a BA in English with a minor in Humanities. I have lived all my life in the Bible Belt of America, so my PoV of this series is inevitably going to be, at least in part, from the perspective of a Western-centric, Christianity-influenced woman. I have grown up with a deep interest in folk tales and mythology though, and took several classes on ancient cultures, so my base knowledge of religion all over the world is broader than what you’d probably expect. I am not religious myself, I’m actually agnostic. And this is just an in-universe look at the very strange religion of Hyrule. So, to make things easier, let’s just put aside the obvious meta issues with this world. The wonky timeline, complex lore changes between said timelines, and the fact that the whole series has clearly grown wildly over the course of its development without an overarching plot. The game mechanics being game mechanics. All of it. This whole thing will just be me trying to make sense of the world without the ‘it’s just a game, bro’ crutch. I will be drawing on what I know from the many games I’ve played myself, so if I don’t mention a big piece of lore from a specific game, it’s because I didn’t play it. Go ahead and rule out the early games before Ocarina of Time, as that’s the first game in the series I can remember playing. I was legitimately too young to have ever played anything prior to that, having been born in 1996. Now let’s get started, shall we?

 So, obviously everyone knows that the LoZ world is said to begin with the three goddesses. Din, Nayru, and Farore came together to create the world and before they yote themselves out of the narrative as direct players, they created the Triforce. A powerful artifact capable of granting a wish and giving their respective bearers undefined power. This is directly from Ocarina of Time and we see their symbol, the Triforce, all over the many games with very few exceptions. Now, to be clear, having a polytheistic religion with three main gods is hardly new. Hinduism has three main gods after all (Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva), and depending on your flavor of Christianity, you have the holy trinity (God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit). There’s even the Celtic goddesses that come specifically in threes (collectively called The Morrigan; Eriu, Fodla, and Banba). This isn’t an exhaustive list of three divine beings, by the way, just know that three is a weird trend in western-centric stories, including religion. But what’s different about the three Hyrule Goddesses? Well, they’re weirdly small for big shot gods. Let me explain.

  ��     So, the three Hindu gods I mentioned earlier each handle a specific aspect. Creation, destruction, and preservation, not necessarily in that order though (which god does what isn’t the point, so just roll with me here). These are very broad and powerful subjects. Christianity is much the same, even though it’s a monotheistic religion. God is literally an all-powerful, omniscient, omnipotent deity. Jesus is his son who gave his life to basically forgive all sin. And I’m not totally clear on the Holy Spirit, but these three are clearly Big Deals with Big Ideas behind them. A good rule of thumb for old religion is that the older the deity, the wider the scope of their job or what they represent. Which makes sense. If you had to personify the forces of the universe, you’d probably start with the sun instead of like… whatever god is responsible for the creation of rice specifically. The bigger and scarier the natural force, the bigger deal that god usually is, putting aside politics and cultural trends. Egypt is a good example of this, as their roster of gods tended to change a lot depending on who was Pharaoh at the time and wherever the city center was. Horus is the god of the sun, or at least one of them, and is generally considered king of the gods. Which makes perfect sense for a land largely made up of a desert.

But what are the three goddesses’ rulers of? Power, Wisdom, and Courage. Each with clear elemental associations and people that are obviously affiliated with them. Nayru, Goddess of Wisdom, is clearly associated with water and likely has a close connection with the Zora. Din, Goddess of Power, is associated with fire and has clear connection with the Gerudo (unclear if the same goddess as the one present in the desert temple in Ocarina of Time). Farore, Goddess of Courage, is associated with all things green and of the earth, including the child-like race of Kokiri who perpetually inhabit the forest. Sure, these are broad topics, but not really… the first thing you’d think of for creators of the universe, are they? And it raises the question about the Hyrule people, who are said to be able to hear the gods due to their pointed ears… let’s put a pin in that and move on.

So, we know there are many gods in this universe, primarily because we meet them. For example, Zephos, God of Winds, in Wind Waker. But he’s clearly a fairly forgotten god, as he shares a shrine with Cylcos, God of Cyclones, which is about as bare as it can be. Just what appears to be a Tori gate with two stone monuments with the simple notes to summon them, almost completely out of the way. Which… I mean, I don’t know many gods with their extension number written on their monuments. That would kind of like going to church on Sunday and seeing “Hit me up if you need me, J-Boy 555-TAKE THE WHEEL” written on the podium. And remember, this is a world and game where the gods actively flooded the world and would therefore hold or have held enough power to directly interfere with Hyrule.

And Skyward Sword clearly has divine beings, one of which even flooded a whole area, though they’re subservient to Hylia. Who we will get back to later, I promise. The three dragons (again, that magic number), capable of divine power, though where that power comes from in unclear. The dragons are of a high status though, as evident by their servants and clear reference to high-class dress of their clothes. These dragons are revered, but clearly not worshipped, much like nobles in that regard. A curious note is the parallels to the three goddesses, and how the symbols are muddled and mixed for these dragons.

Lanayru clearly has the symbols associated with the Zora, and by extension Nayru, but is yellow. He also is saved by time travel used to grow a magic fruit, which Link often uses (time travel) in many games to advance the plot himself (and wouldn’t you know it, but mixing blue with yellow does produce green. Weird). Faron is the water dragon who flooded an area, and she is almost entirely blue (as well as unsettling to look at), surrounded by a species clearly related to the Zora though closer to octopi. But her name is Faron, which is weirdly close to Farore’s name, not Nayru. I mean, they are close to locations that resemble their names of course, but it’s still an interesting note. Finally, there’s Eldin, clearly bearing a symbol associated with the Gerudo without any strange mixes of symbols for the series. Oddly, he’s also the most open of the three dragons, especially considering the Gerudo’s traditional stance of being a ‘no-sausage’ club. Not terribly relevant, but I just thought it was interesting to point out. You can consider the Giants in Majora’s Mask on the same level as them, though their status is unclear (Since they’re summoned by a song and can stop the moon from falling, they probably straddle the line between mortal and divine).

Now, spirits also exist in this world, both as the ghostly variety and the more pseudo-divine. Not to be confused with actual divinity. Divine being can be spirits, but not all spirits are divine. In this context, spirits can be defined more as being of power capable of granting aid in return for something. Zephos can change the winds if called upon, but you don’t need to feed him, for example. But the spirits in Twilight Princess need aid before they can help you. And they’re also not very independent and are able to be fooled easily, which isn’t usually a god-like quality. While more physically present than the three goddesses, they’re also not strictly tangible, and seem to be extremely limited to their location. At best, these spirits could be classified as minor deities below the gods we see in Wind Waker. They also share the same abilities in keeping the realm of Twilight from falling over the land of Hyrule, as well as their weakness to parasites of undetermined origin. An interesting note is that they all seem to live in bodies of water. Let’s put a pin in that one too.

Someone that also counts as a spirit would be Fi and her counterpart, Ghirahim. Literally two halves of the same coin, these two are both very limited in power and function. They don’t represent anything on their own and are very dependent on others to achieve results. How or why they were made is unclear, but it is obvious that both were forged at some point, and clearly gained sentience. Even their personalities and allegiances are a bit odd. Fi for her sci-fi appearance and calculating personality in a fantasy land, and Ghirahim for his… well, everything. I don’t know why the root of all evil would make his weapon a full-tilt diva, let alone on purpose. Ghirahim always struck me as odd since his bombastic personality seemed to clash with his ultimate fate of just being a weapon for Demise.

Okay, so the Great Fairies are weird, okay?! Like, really weird. They act as spirits (I can’t think of any that aren’t restricted to a body of water in some form), but are very independent. They also don’t necessarily need anything from Link to offer assistance. Sometimes, just opening the fairy fountain is enough to gain items needed to progress. And there’s also the fact that fairies heal you upon ‘death’, though with a limited heart capacity. Sometimes they need you to do something though, like the Breath of the Wild fairies need rupees to function or items to upgrade equipment. They also usually look human, like Majora’s Mask Great Fairies are clearly just… giant women with color coded accessories. But like, they float. Where Great Faires come from, or even just regular fairies, is unclear. Until Wind Waker, Great Faires were adults. But when you finally meet the real Great Fairy in Wind Waker it’s… a child. With a doll that looks just like the ‘Great Fairies’ you’ve seen along the way. This sort of implies that Great Fairies age and die, though clearly with a different lifetime than most races in Hyrule (the child Great Fairy also only looks somewhat human compared to other Great Fairies, so make of that what you will). And it also implies that all the adult Great Fairies are dead (you’re welcome for that depressing thought), with the last one trapped in a hollow tree only accessible by the power of a God.

In Breath of the Wild, the Great Fairies are both diminished but more powerful. They literally are stuck in a giant flower with water in it, with few fairies around them, and require riches to get stronger. The connection to their new restrictions to this need for material wealth is unclear. It’s also interesting to note that their fountains are no longer places that appear to be man-made holy temples and they seem to be out of the way… well, for a given value of ‘out of the way’ (looking at you ninja village). These fairies can accomplish more tasks, but certainly won’t be doing it for free or with minimal effort. A far cry from their first appearances (no, I don’t consider using explosives a difficult task).

But Fairies are also companions with nebulous tasks, such as in Ocarina of Time, where Tatl follows Link until the end of the game. And Kokiri have their own fairy as a sign of whatever accounts for adulthood in their race. The Skull Kid in Majora’s Mask has two fairy friends who seemed to have been either lost or abandoned. Who or what gives them purpose and life is unclear, though the Great Deku Tree from Ocarina of Time can give commands, it doesn’t seem to be something he does normally? As a side note, it’s really not clear what, if anything he can actually do. Though the relative safety of the surrounding area is clearly tied with his wellbeing in all iterations, he doesn’t seem to directly influence it, or be capable of self-defense.

Now, onto the elephant in the room! Hylia! Who the hell is this?! A more recent entry to the series, her divine roll is unclear (though she clearly guards the Triforce in some capacity). It can be assumed that she’s somehow a goddess tied directly to the Hylian people, but when she appeared is up for debate. Timeline wise, it’s almost like knowledge of her was suppressed for some reason, giving rise to the Triforce mythos we all know and love without hide or hair of her seen. We know that she favored the original Link greatly, enough to shed her divinity to be reborn as a mortal and assist him. How or why is also unclear, though it wouldn’t be unfair to assume she loved him, as divine ladies holding an affair with a mortal isn’t uncommon in mythology (or even male gods doing the same, before anyone brings up Zeus). But she makes a resurgence in Breath of the Wild, with statues and everything, with the three goddesses left to only vague references in the background. Which is super weird, though not uncommon for places like Ancient Egypt. The fact that the ruling family was literally descendant from a goddess is what makes it weird though, since any monarchy worth their salt would milk that until the peasant folk revolted and made a new religion to justify killing a god.

Zelda in every incarnation is literally descendant from the original and still held at least a fraction of that divine power. So much so that a cornerstone of a powerful religious artifact inevitably ends up in her hands (or on the back of her right hand, as it were). But what is Hylia a Goddess of? We don’t know. It’s never said. Anywhere. And that’s super weird, even for a ubiquitous deity. Sure she’s a Goddess of Hyrule but… what does that mean? That can’t be all she is? Her reincarnation is literally locked in a generational struggle against the forces of darkness! What can she do as a Goddess? Well, she makes Link stronger in return for items, but that seems to be it. In Ocarina of Time, Zelda was capable of sending Link back to the past, but that was with a magic item. And we know Hylia isn’t the Goddess of Time, because Zelda references her in Majora’s Mask (sequel to Ocarina of Time, therefore implying that there are more gods unmentioned at that time), when Hylia should be mortal or at least fragmented (because Zelda exists at the time with powers and a Triforce piece). The Guardian of Time in Hyrule Warriors also fell in love with Link before splitting into Cia and Lana (and was unable to fuse back together again), so it’s unlikely that she’s the Goddess of Time Zelda was referring to, though that detail is interesting to note. No, I will not discuss if Hyrule Warriors is canon (either game), as this is already long enough as it is.

So, that brings us to Ganon, or in his original form, Demise. Which… what’s up with that? Who is this guy? He directly opposes the gods and just… gets away with it! Repeatedly! Sure, he loses most of the time, but still. It’s unclear where Demise came from, or even what he is, though judging by Ghirahim’s ‘Demon Lord’ title, it can be assumed that he is some type of demon himself. And that the many monsters we see are also considered demons, which makes sense with how they always work for Demise (or his many iterations) in some form or another. Considering how much it takes to simply seal him away, he can’t be just a demon though.

        Demise obviously pulled the same trick Hylia did, which directly sets him up as a counterpart to her, but what does it mean? Why would he do that? What is Demise that he can’t be beat with the power of a Goddess alone and needs not only a brave knight but a blade literally made to counter him? Within the context of religion, the best guess I can make is that he’s some form of a God of Darkness, possibly also Temptation, Greed, and Pigs Corruption. It fits within the narrative since power is often the strongest form of temptation and we know that demons capable of opposing the gods exist. The Horned Statue literally takes Hylia’s blessings in exchange for wealth, and was turned into a statue for it. What it stands to gain from any of it is unclear, but interestingly enough, Hylia doesn’t mind that it closely resembles her own statues. So, this raises the question… why isn’t Demise a forgotten statue somewhere along a dusty road? How did he curse(?) both a reborn goddess and a human in an eternal struggle for the fate of Hyrule?

        Being a god is about the only explanation for why he can do the things that he does. It explains why, in every incarnation, he ends up a rule (like Zelda). How he controls so many different species with ease. He corrupts the conflicted as easily as breathing. An interesting note is how Demise in his many forms usually ends up corrupting once good forces in some way, typically with parasites or evil spirits. And with this context, Hylia must be a Goddess of Light, and possibly some form of Will and Purity to oppose Demise’s power. It would also make her a good candidate for looking after the Triforce in that case. And yet we don’t know any of this for sure either, which is, again, very strange considering their presence from the very beginning. Literally.

Now, I want to mention the temples as a last point before wrapping this up, because it has bothered me since I was a wee little whipper snapper. For a place of worship, they sure are hard to navigate, even when they’re empty of monsters. And it’s not like Hyrule doesn’t get this, because the Temple of Time in Ocarina of Time is straight up a church. Just… without pews, so clearly not perfect, but it is possible for people to come in and… worship time, I guess. And no, not the Goddess of Time, because there’s no statue for that. I mean, I know it’s secretly hiding the Master Sword, but it is definitely a church otherwise. What a normal service looks like I can’t say for sure, but it’s definitely not like literally any other temples we see.

        Now, I know it’s a little hard to remember, but temples are usually places where one goes to worship the gods (or even just a god). And we know gods exist in a very real way in Hyrule! They still manage to name Zelda the same thing despite having seemingly buried their divine origins, so some knowledge of gods walking the mortal realm exists. But the temples/dungeons we see usually don’t have much in the way of religious iconography, with a few exceptions (interestingly it’s typically the desert area that actually has statues and could feasibly have had a real capacity for worship). You want to be a devout follower of a god anywhere else? Well, fuck you. Hope you brought a sword and a good pair of boots. If you’re allowed inside at all, since it’s usually the local leaders that are only allowed inside for some reason. And most games don’t seem to have very religious people, despite all the references to divinity. Not like we’d expect them to, at least. And I personally can’t blame them. If I tried to join a religion but found only a wall as an entrance, I’d be pretty disheartened too. Then I’d be pretty pissed to find out I needed not only a royal instrument handed down the monarchy, but their freaking lullaby to even get in to the place of worship. But we know they pray to the gods at least semi-often, since that’s one of the inciting incidences in Wind Waker. And they have offering to statues of Hylia.

        The temples suggest the bar to impress the gods is pretty high, and not in a ‘sacrifice your eldest child’ kind of way. To even get the chance to reach the inner chambers you better hope it’s been kept well and that you didn’t skip leg day recently. Something I didn’t really mention before is that usually, the less involved the gods are, the more independent the people are from worship. If you worry that your local deity will flood your fields, you’re probably leaving regular offerings at their nearby shrine or temple. But if you know that the gods don’t care about literally anything you do, why worship them at all? Why make statues, art, or temples? Why bother with any of it? The answer is you don’t. So these highly selective temples are pretty weird unless you go with the idea the gods are just really done with people and never want to talk to them unless absolutely necessary.

So, I’ve rambled for over twelve pages now. What’s the point? What does any of this mean? I’m honestly not sure, but I have a sinking feeling that there’s some serious shit going on in the Hyrule pantheon. Mortals have been mostly abandoned to their doom. Gods cast out and forgotten entirely. And somehow advanced civilizations keep forming and getting destroyed with only remnants left behind with zero explanation. Assuming the original gods are even alive at this point, which I’m not entirely certain of. Their death certainly explains how Demise/Ganon keeps getting stronger, looking less and less Hylian as time goes on, if he looks humanoid to begin with.

I wouldn’t even assume it’s entirely voluntary at this point either, as Ganon clearly doesn’t have the same motivations in every incarnation (see my previous post about Wind Waker). I’m rather excited about Breath of the Wild 2, as the implications of dehydrated husk Ganon is compelling. Particularly in light of the character development Link and Zelda have received in the first Breath of the Wild. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ganon/Demise turns out to be a fallen god trying to get back home (a nice parallel to Wind Waker, actually), cast out as a scape goat. Blamed for every form of corruption and greed that naturally follows in his wake. I think I said this before, but it is interesting that he is always reborn among the Gerudo, a race famously all females. Sometimes thieves, but nearly always in a position that would naturally crave power to take control of their lives compared to Hylians. Regardless of the consequences.

Is it true? I don’t know. Probably not, but the fact that I can draw these conclusions in three hours of writing is pretty neat. I have a lot of feelings about this franchise, having grown up with it, but I eagerly await what comes next. And I should probably go to bed. Make of all this what you will.

[bonjour-rainycity]

Odin’s Ward ~ Chapter 15

Link to previous part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/639152911075672064/odins-ward-chapter-14

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Word count: 3182

Warnings: None

True age: Y/n: 1449 // Loki: 1575 // Thor: 1827 // Audunn 3213

Human equivalent age: Y/n: 23 // Loki: 25 // Thor: 29// Audunn: 51

Y/n’s POV

I bite off a piece of bread, if only to appease my hovering maidservant. Periodically, Frigga attempts to broach a talking subject, but I fear I am not a good partner for conversation. No, my mind is too filled with fears for my home, for my father, and, annoyingly, for Loki, who is nowhere to be found.

“Why doesn’t he dine with us?” The question blurts from my lips before I register my interruption of Frigga’s sentence. I apologize sheepishly, feeling bad for not only cutting off a queen, but a woman I greatly respect.

Frigga only smiles softly without judgement, seeming to intend to indulge my question. “He thinks himself too proud or too far removed from our family to be with us—no doubt as a result of the hurt he’s suffered. He sees his absence as a punishment for us when, in truth, it is a punishment for himself as well.”

I sigh, sinking deeper in my chair, the tasteless bread falling from my fingers. Ragna, attentive as always, takes this as an opportunity to put a bowl of bright red fruit in front of me.

“Please eat, My Lady.” Her care for me is what ultimately leads to me taking a bite. Bland, but I continue nibbling in order to ease her worry. In truth, though, I do not anticipate having much of an appetite until a significant number of my fears are assuaged.

“Have you any word from Odin or Thor? Or my father? It has been over a day since they departed.”

Frigga shakes her head. “With regret, I have nothing to report.”

Under the table, my leg begins to shake. “I hope they’re alright and successful in putting an end to the rebellion. My people cannot survive many more hours of this slaughter.”

Frigga leans forward, queenly authority washing over her words. “As a wife and mother, I worry for Odin and Thor. But as a queen, I have little concern. Asgard’s army has defeated much more formidable foes than your husband. I have no doubt this will result in a victory for Asgard and for your people.”

Her words and the conviction behind them do calm me slightly.

She sees this, and seems to seize on the opportunity. “But let us talk of lighter things. It has been over three hundred years since I last saw you. Tell me—how has your life been since your wedding?”

I exhale heavily without meaning to.

I have no desire to tell Frigga about the abuse from my husband and the scorn from Court, nor the stark isolation I feel nearly every day. So I decide to gloss over as much as I can, and relay only the good parts of my life in Alfheim.

“Our summers in Alfheim are very mild—barely hotter than spring. It makes for long, lovely days full of picnics and outdoor games, time on the lake, then perhaps a dance or two under the stars. Alfheim thrives in the night, you know. Our castle, our clothing, even our people are the most beautiful in the moonlight. Connecting with the people of Court has been a bit of a struggle, but the common folk seem to love me, even if they do not know me, not really….but they throw flowers outside my carriage when I visit the towns, and even named a library after me in the main village. It’s nice to feel that sense of community, even if I cannot be around it all the time.” At this, I look at my hands, not wanting Frigga to see the sadness in my eyes. Because, despite the clearly awful parts of my existence away from Asgard, there are bright, shining, beautiful moments in my life in Alfheim. These glimmers are what would get me through the day.

And they are what tear my heart apart now as I think of my homeworld being ripped to shreds by civil war and brutality.

Frigga hears some of what I leave unsaid. She squeezes my hand gently and places the lightest of touches under my chin, encouraging me to look up at her. “My dear, do not be saddened. Here you will find community in those closest to you, there is no need to be so isolated.” My heart, which had fluttered in hope at her words, quickly falls with her next. It seems everyone, even those I love and trust, see me as just a means to produce an heir. “It took Odin and I many centuries to conceive. And when nature failed us, another child came to us in the most unconventional, but no less miraculous, way. Alfheim lacks progressiveness, but Asgard suffers no such fault. In your own time, you and my son will produce the most wonderful child, I know that deep in my heart. But until then, Asgard will wait patiently. Do not let the fear of retribution mar your time here. And do not let your heart be weighed down with a desire unmet—everything happens in its time.”

Loki’s POV

The stone of the wall bites into my fingers as I grip it with unwise force.

Around the corner my mother—my very own mother—encourages the woman I once loved in her future quest to have a child with my brother.

A bitter taste grows in my mouth.

And although I know Y/n does not want to marry Thor—anyone could see that in the way she protested—there is real pain in her eyes.

Pain that I have caused.

I do not know if she aches with the longing for a child. But it’s not a difficult task to surmise the isolation and ridicule she has no doubt been subject to for the last two and a half centuries has weighed on her.

Preventing conception was her decision, yes, but I was the one who made it possible. I put the magic on her, effectively ruining any chance she ever had at being accepted in her home. And if she ever did want a child, but found herself unable, well, I bear the blame for that hurt, too.

It seems no matter what I do, I cannot help but destroy the lives of those I’m supposed to love.

I was so close to entering the dining hall and joining them for breakfast—the first meal I would have shared with my mother in over seven months—but I had heard the end of their conversation before making my presence known.

It’s better that way.

I do not know how well I would have reacted, had I been in their company upon hearing the conversation between Y/n and my mother.

The sound of trumpets interrupts my thoughts, and I teleport away mere seconds before Y/n races by.

Y/n’s POV

The news of Asgard’s victory is unfathomably welcome.

When I hear it, I can’t help but fall to my knees, releasing a shout of joy and thanks to Odin himself, a man I, in fact, really don’t care for.

Thor quickly escorts me away for what he calls a ‘debrief’, but I can see by the set of his shoulders it is more of a transition into spending one-on-one time in our new capacity as fiancés. And while nerves and resentment rattle my stomach, I follow him willingly, eager to hear of the path to victory and how Alfheim fares now.

He wastes little time. The moment we are in the privacy of the gardens, he speaks.

“Your father is alive and well, do not fear. His loyal guardsmen managed to keep Audunn’s forces at bay, though I fear it would been a different outcome if we had not arrived when we did. You did well getting to us so quickly.”

The compliment is unexpected and, I feel, undeserved. “All I really did was relay a message. I am quite thankful, then, to you, your father, and your army for coming so quickly to Alfheim’s aid. Surely this will cement positive diplomatic relations for years to come.”

A strange look crosses through his eyes as he looks away from me, choosing instead to squint into the sun. “Spoken like a politician. I see you learned much in your time away.”

I catch the edge to his voice. “You do not approve?”

“I didn’t say that, I only mean that it is…unusual in Alfheim for women to be so involved.”

I fight the urge to scoff bitterly. “I wouldn’t have called myself involved—Father and Audunn would have none of that—but I did pick up some tricks and knowledge in my three hundred years there.”

There’s a slight pause. In that pause, Thor seems to steel himself. I know instantly that I will not like whatever he has to say next. “I wanted to tell you, ah—while your father was successfully restored to the regency, we were able to capture and imprison Audunn rather than having to resort to killing him on the field. He is here, in the dungeons, and will stand trial tomorrow.”

My blood runs cold. “Here? In the castle? Why didn’t you kill him?!” The words come out in breathless gasps, and Thor takes a step towards me in concern.

“You need not fear, Lady Y/n, he is securely guarded. He poses no threat to your father or your people any more.”

Yes. I swallow. But now that we are in the same place once again, I worry of the threat he poses to me.

Thor attempts to continue our walk with lighter conversation, but I don’t pay him much mind. All I can focus on is the terrifying reality that, as long as Audunn lives, my own life is in danger.

Loki’s POV

When the moon is high in the sky and the air has turned crisp, I acknowledge the reality that I will get no sleep tonight.

Groaning, I fling the covers from my body and exit my warm bed, dressing quickly. As soon as I’m decent, I exit my chambers, heading straight for the library. I have plenty of books in my room, but nothing I haven’t already read. The library is likely to have a variety of unexplored distractions.

I enter the vast library and turn left, heading for the history section—one of my favorites. I round the corner and am met with a sharp gasp and the sound of clattering books as Y/n jumps back, hitting a shelf.

Surprise and self-loathing mingle within me. She’s terrified of me.

Without really deciding to, I take a step back, showing my lack of intent to harm her. “I apologize. I did not mean to frighten you.”

She exhales, lowering the shaking hands that had come to grip her stomach. “N-no, it is I who should apologize. I….thought you were someone else.”

I raise my eyebrow, buying time as I calculate the truth of her statement. She does seem to be relaxing. Now all that remains is the faint hint of embarrassment in her features. She even offers me a small smile, one that I find unexpectedly welcome. I decide to believe her. “Don’t worry about it. I understand your nerves must be frayed, given all that you’ve been through.” Flashes of what she must have experienced in the past four days come to the forefront of my mind, unbidden. Handled roughly, a dirty jail cell, a hit that would explain the coloring on her lower jaw, the fear as she sneaks through the castle, praying she goes unnoticed—

“Are you alright?”

There’s a note in her voice that suggests some of her apprehension has returned, and I can guess why. My body has gone completely rigid, my fists clenched tightly, and I’m sure I’ve just fixated on the nearest object with a death glare—I can only hope I didn’t direct it at her.

I try to recover the moment. “I’ll get those books.”

She hurriedly drops to the ground, grabbing novels at random. “Let me, Your Highness, I’m the one who—”

I sink next to her and smirk, for some reason desperate to dissolve this strange uncertain air between us. “Last night you barge into my chambers unannounced and tonight we’re back to the formalities?”

She studies me for a moment, looking quite perplexed. Then, she exhales a shaky bark of a laugh. “I suppose so.”

Fair enough.

I straighten, beginning to alphabetize the books and put them back in their proper place. She follows suit, working beside me in silence. I don’t miss the glances she gives me when she thinks I’m not looking. The looks are full of uncertainty, full of trepidation—she has no idea where we stand. For that matter, neither do I.

But there’s no use in finding out, the snide voice within me remarks. She’s engaged to your brother. You will have no chance to know her again as you did once, long ago.

But still, as since the moment she burst through the throne room doors, I war with myself.

I do not want to love her. I have no claim to her. Pursuing her would only lead to heartbreak, and I fear I cannot take any more.

If I were smart, I would push her away as I do everyone else.

I should push her away.

“Why are you in the library so late?” Her voice, stronger now, clouds my head once more and pulls me into conversation.

I have no desire to detail or even acknowledge my crippling nightmares, so I turn the question back on her, hoping to save myself the humiliation of admitting weakness. “I could ask you the same thing.”

She is equally eager to explain her reasonings, and quickly changes the subject. “I saw Lady Naerys this morning. Can you believe she has seven children?”

I chortle, and the sound feels strange coming from my throat. “But alas, not one of them fathered by a prince.” Without really meaning to, I take a step closer to her.

Y/n mocks distress. “But how will she ever become queen now?”

And just like that, we’re back on a subject we both would like to avoid.

I try to steer us away. “I admit that I was pleased when I heard news of your father’s safe return to the regency. You must be very relieved.”

But despite my efforts, a strange look takes over her face. “Yes, I am more relieved than you know.”

I press further, finding myself desperate to know what she’s thinking. “Audunn’s trial will be interesting. I estimate spectators will extend well past the boundaries of the courtroom.”

Again, I have misstepped. The color drains from her face and her hands immediately wring together in tight knots. It seems I have completely forgotten how to speak to this woman I once knew so well. “I’m sorry, I did not mean to—”

“It’s fine.” She cuts me off, staring at my shoulder rather than my face. She takes a deep breath, and when she speaks, her voice is hard, almost as if she’s willing the words to be true. “Soon Audunn will be dead. And all will be well.”

Something in her voice tells me that she is trying harder to convince herself than me.

The desire to comfort her is strong, but I am woefully out of practice. “I…do not see an outcome in which Audunn survives, yes. His choices were unfortunate, and put him at odds with the interests of two of the nine realms. Odin will not let that go unpunished.” I fight against a scowl. Because if anyone had been listening, they would’ve guessed I was talking about myself.

She surprises me with a tight smile. “Yes, you are right. This time tomorrow, Audunn’s execution will be set.”

Again, there’s that hard edge to her voice, one that wasn’t there the last time I encountered her. Whereas before it amused me, now it makes me feel sad. There’s no reason both of us had to be affected so by the world—Fate did that out of cruelty. Perhaps tomorrow after the trial, when her anxieties are further resolved, she will find some peace.

I think to the upcoming trial. She will be asked to bear witness, of course. But I worry of Odin fulfilling his duty to prepare her. I take matters into my own hands. “You know you will be asked to testify against him.”

“Yes.” The word is harsh, quick. But then she looks to the ground and stretches a hand absently to the bookshelf, almost as if she’s seeking some sort of comfort or reassurance from the touch. When she speaks again, her voice is softer, more vulnerable. “I find no pleasure in sending a man to his death. But I will speak honestly. Audunn dug his own grave—it is just my unfortunate duty to send him to it.”

I swallow, unsure of what to say. The last time I saw her, she spoke of no love for her husband, but this seems different…a deeper hurt, somehow. Part of me wants to ask what happened, but a larger part knows I haven’t the right. We are not lovers, we are not friends, and she is currently a married woman. When her status is changed upon the execution of her husband, she will immediately become the betrothed of my brother. So rather than risk hurt and vulnerability, I keep her at arms length. “I would advise you to get some rest, Lady Y/n. I have no doubt tomorrow will be a long and difficult day.”

She avoids my eyes as she curtsies and exits the library. Once she’s gone, I take a much needed deep breath. Something about her presence made the expansive library seem incredibly small, intimate. When she’d gone to curtsey, she’d needed to take a step back, as we had gotten quite close during our discussion.

With a groan, I practically stumble to the bannister overlooking the basement archives, gripping the wood tightly. Attachment to Y/n has never been a good idea, least of all now. But even after many breaths to clear my head, I still find that unwelcome feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling that nearly begs me to follow her from the room and pull her into my arms.

I slam my hand on the wood, startling one of the bookkeepers on the level below. Upon seeing who stands above him, he shrinks away, quickly gathering his books and scurrying out of sight.

That’s right, I think, bitterness bringing an unpleasant taste to my mouth. Run from me. I am dangerous. I am other. No one is safe with me.

Least of all a kind, wonderful woman who, even after hundreds of years, seems to hold the ability to ruin me in the palm of her hand.

A/n Hey guys, sorry for any mistakes! I proofread but I feel like I probably missed something because I’m tired. Let me know what you thought of this chapter and if you would like to be added to the tag list! What do you think of the conversation with Loki? How do you think Audunn’s trial will go? Stay safe out there :)

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/642883586082635777/odins-ward-chapter-16

Masterlist

Tag list: @80strashbag @dark-night-sky-99 @what-am-i-doing10 @chxrryycola @ravenclaw5606 @hiddlebatchedloki @jooordanharrrop @marsbarsboy @damondallysodapopstiles 

[xteslaangel]

Shadow of the Day | Elijah Mikaelson

Notes: Still not familiar with the whole tumblr writing, but I’m going to post some things I’ve written in the past. I’m also hoping to produce more recent work, but this writing piece is something that I’m very proud of.

This is my take on Elijah’s life as a human. It’s in his point of view

What did it mean to be a Mikaelson? His father was a notorious Viking warrior with a fierce temper while his mother was a powerful witch with a strong soul that would do anything in order to protect her family. Elijah wasn’t just the son of Mikael. No, he was much more than that. He had untapped power flowing through his veins and he wanted to unlock that power. Henrik gravitated towards magic and so did Kol, but Elijah actually never used his powers. Not yet anyway. Magic was something that he was always curious about, but his father wanted him on a different path. The path of a Viking warrior. And according to him, warriors had no time to dabble in magic. So, the second eldest son of Mikael shifted to a different path and attempted to become the man that his father wanted him to be. A son that his mother would be proud of. Elijah Mikaelson would become the warrior of the family.

 The sun peaked over the mountains as slowly ascended towards the center of the sky. Elijah’s eyes slowly opened when he felt someone shake his body. “Elijah. Elijah get up.” He could hear his younger brother’s voice and the older Mikaelson groaned slightly. “Niklaus.. I’m trying to sleep.” Because he knew that today would be another long day of tedious training with father. “Father isn’t awake yet. And I grabbed two swords for us.” He said and the older Mikaelson sighed before opening his eyes. His gaze fell upon the swords that his younger brother had grabbed and then his gaze shifted back to his brother. “Father will have our heads if he sees us sparring.” In Mikael’s eyes, you shouldn’t wield a sword unless you were prepared to kill. So every other time that they sparred with each other, their father lectured them. Mikael mainly scolded Elijah and then physically hurt Niklaus, but there was still so much life in his brother despite the consistent abuse that he was forced to endure.

 As the older brother trying to look out for his younger brother, he always wanted to step in and stop their father. But he knew that Mikael would just turn the rage that he had on him if he ever tried to interfere. Niklaus also wouldn’t want Elijah to take the fall for him, but he was the one that was older. He was the one that was supposed to be responsible. But it seemed that Niklaus wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “He always tries to ruin our fun. Will you stop being so serious for one minute? Come on.” The older Mikaelson rolled his eyes before getting up from his makeshift bed. “Niklaus.. slow down.” He groaned as his brother handed him one of the swords. “Father will be awake soon. That gives us just enough time to practice.” He said with a wicked grin. A smirk of his own formed on his lips as he followed his younger brother out of their home. One sparring match couldn’t hurt, right?

 A small crowd began to form as Elijah and Niklaus faced each other in the heart of the village. His mother was awake along with their siblings and they decided to watch the little match while they were taking care of their own work. With a sword in hand, he lunged at his brother, but Niklaus was successfully dodging his attempts. Then Elijah noticed a familiar face in the crowd. Tatia. The woman that he and his brother both fancied. “Don’t look now, brother. We have an admirer.” He said with a grin, but Klaus decided to look anyway. And when his guard was lowered, he proceeded to knock his brother down and pinned him to the ground, the sword resting on his throat. “Distractions, Niklaus, might cost you your life.” He said with a smirk, attempting to sound like their father, but with a mocking tone. Of course he didn’t mean anything by it and he was joking, but just as he held out his hand for his brother to take it so that he could help him to his feet, Mikael stormed through the village until his gaze rested upon Elijah and Niklaus. “What is the meaning of this?” He asked and Elijah was about to speak when Mikael raised his hand. “I wasn’t asking you.” He said, turning his gaze to Niklaus. “I tell you that these swords aren’t for games and yet, you continue to defy me.” He said and Elijah stepped in. “It was my idea, father. I apologize.” He said and Mikael turned and slapped Elijah across the face. “You speak when you are spoken to.”

 It wasn’t uncommon for his own father to hit him whenever he tried to defend Niklaus. And yet, he would never stop standing up for his brother. He didn’t deserve the abuse that he received, but Mikael believed that he was weak and that he needed to be taught a lesson. There was nothing that Elijah could do to make their father see differently, so he was forced to watch Mikael discipline his younger brother once again. He grabbed the sword from Elijah and began to swing it at Niklaus. He was forced to watch in horror as his brother fell to the ground and their father placed the tip of his sword against Niklaus’ throat. But instead of backing off like Elijah did earlier, he pressed it hard enough against his throat to draw blood.

 “Father.” Elijah said as Mikael removed the sword. “Consider that a lesson, boy. You should not wield a sword if you are not prepared to kill.” He turned away from Niklaus, not bothering to help him up and he began to walk away. “Elijah. Come with me. Now.” He said, but he didn’t turn to face his son while he spoke. Elijah turned to Niklaus and held out his hand. The look in his eyes was apologetic. Elijah hated that there was nothing that he could do to stop this abuse. Klaus took his hand and stood up, wiping off the blood with his other hand that had formed on his neck. “ELIJAH!” He heard his father yell out. “You should go.” Niklaus said. “I’ll be fine. I always am.” He said with a pained smile. Elijah nodded. “We will talk later.” He said and Klaus nodded and handed Elijah the other sword that he had before his older brother went off to follow their father.

 While in the forest, Elijah gripped the sword that was in his hands. He thrusted towards his father, who expertly evaded his attempts to strike him. “Good. You have excellent form, Elijah.” He said. “It’s such a shame that you waste your talents playing childish games with your brother.” He said and Elijah changed his position to get better access to his father. “They are not games, father. Sparring helps me train.” He said and, in an instant, Mikael quickly moved towards Elijah, disarming him and holding the sword to his throat. “If you are not prepared to kill me, you will never become a master at wielding a sword.” He said as he glared at his second oldest son.

 “I would not dare to strike my own father.” He said through clenched teeth and Mikael proceeded to hit him. “Good sons know not to talk back to their fathers.” He responded and Elijah could taste the metallic liquid that formed in his mouth after getting hit. He spit it out before turning back to his father. “Just because I said that I would not strike you?” He asked. He didn’t want to hurt his father and yet, whatever Elijah did was not good enough. “Feelings make you weak. Caring makes you weak. On the battlefield, there is no room for such useless emotions.” Elijah slowly shook his head. “I do not want to believe that, father. Because those are the feelings that make us strong. To be a Mikaelson does not just mean to be a warrior. It means so much more than that.” And Mikael was about to strike his second oldest son again for such defiance, but Elijah’s sword dropped to the ground as he held his hands up to shield him. And then something unexpected occurred.

 The wind whipped around Elijah and his father and a blast of powerful energy left his hands and struck Mikael before he had a chance to hit him. Mikael was shocked and his eyes were wide as he flew through the air, the wind getting knocked out of him when he landed on the ground. Elijah’s own hands started to shake as he realized what he had just done. His eyes were wide as his gaze went down to his hands. “Father..” He quickly went to Mikael’s side, but he was already fuming with rage. “No.. this cannot be happening.” Mikael said with a growl. “Who has been teaching you magic? Has it been Esther?” He asked as he stood up. “No.. Mother hasn’t been teaching me. She knows that you don’t want me practicing magic.” But Elijah had not been practicing. He was curious about the untapped power that he had, but he knew that father would never approve. And yet, when he needed power the most, his abilities came to light.

 As Mikael stood up, he shoved Elijah out of the way. “We will discuss this later.” He said and his father stormed out of the woods to go back to the village. A sigh escaped Elijah’s lips as he slowly shook his head. He needed to speak to his mother and figure out what was going on. He made his way back to the village and back to his home. He expected to see Mikael there, telling at Esther. But he only found his mother starting to prepare the meal that they would have that evening. Before the full moon. “Mother.” He said and Esther turned to look at him with a smile. “Elijah. You arrived just in time. Can you help me?” She asked and he nodded. He began to place vegetables in the cauldron that she had in order to prepare a soup after Esther had prepared the broth. “I need to speak to you before father gets here.” He said and his mother turned to look at him with a worried expression. “What is it, my son?” She asked.

 Elijah had never felt so vulnerable in his life. And yet in this moment, that was exactly how he felt. With a shaky breath, he continued to speak. “I struck father.. but not with a sword. He was about to hit me because he was furious with me. And when I held up my hands to protect myself from the blow, a surge of energy struck him instead. I know that I have never tapped into my powers before.. But I do not know what to do.” He said and Esther’s eyes were wide after he had mentioned that he had used magic against Mikael. “Come here..” She said and held out her arms. Elijah immediately wrapped his own arms around her and gave her a firm hug. “It’ll be okay. I can teach you.” She said and Elijah shook his head. “Father will be even more furious. You know as well as I do that he never wanted me to have these powers. Because he wanted me to follow in his footsteps.” And Elijah would have followed proudly.

 Esther knew where he was coming from, so she nodded her head slowly. “Then.. we can drop the subject. Never speak of it again.” She would have done anything to please their father. Sometimes it sickened Elijah that she would stand aside and not do anything to protect her own children from him. But in a way, he understood. Because he would turn on her like he turned on his own children if they protected Niklaus. “That might be the best idea.” He responded. But Elijah wasn’t going to seek guidance from his mother regarding his powers. No, he was going to speak to his two youngest brothers. Kol and Henrik.

 After dinner was done, Mikael barely looked at Elijah. But he didn’t bring up what happened in the forest. When he was asked how training went, Mikael said it was fine and Elijah agreed. Then they continued to eat their meal in silence until it concluded. It was still fairly early in the day when Elijah approached his younger brothers, Kol and Henrik. “Elijah. I would have thought that you would be spending your time with Rebekah and Nik.” He said with a slight scoff, but the older Mikaelson rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I wanted to speak with you and Henrik. About magic.” He said and Kol raised an eyebrow. Henrik was the innocent one out of the whole Mikaelson clan. But Kol decided to speak up again. “And why would our father’s most prized son want to know about our gifts?” He asked with a laugh.

 “Because I struck father with a magic blast. If my powers have awoken, I want to learn how to control them. I cannot have mother teach me. So I figured that you two would be the next best thing.” He wanted to learn how to control these powers so he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. And instead of ignoring him like father wanted him to do, Elijah wanted to embrace him. “We’d love to teach you.” Henrik said before nudging Kol. Of course Kol wanted to object, but he decided to go along with Henrik. “Fine. What do you want to know?” There was so much to learn when it came to magic. And he knew nothing. “The basics?” He asked and Kol rolled his eyes. “Amateur.” He muttered under his breath.

 About an hour had gone by and the sun was slowly beginning to set. “Elijah, you’re not doing it right.” Kol said impatiently. Without even blinking, Kol formed a ball of fire in his hand and then he extinguished it with his powers. “You have to harness the energy. Feel the earth around you. Draw from that.” He said as Henrik watched the two of them. At this point, Elijah was frustrated. But he finally did what Kol told him to do. He closed his eyes and felt the earth around him. He used that to draw from and when his eyes opened, he saw a ball of fire in his hand. He smiled wide and his brothers clapped. “Good job, Lijah!” Henrik said with a grin. But then Kol turned to see the villagers starting to gather so that they could all go underground before the people in the neighboring village turned into beasts during the full moon. “We should get going.” Kol said and Elijah nodded, extinguishing the flame the same way that Kol did. “I will catch up with you two.” He said, wanting to find Tatia first.

 It didn’t take him long to find Tatia, the most beautiful woman in the entire village. She was preparing to go to the catacombs with everyone else, but Elijah approached her. “Elijah.” She greeted him with a smile when she noticed him advancing towards her. “I know my way to the catacombs. You don’t need to escort me.” She said with a laugh, but Elijah laughed slightly before shaking his head. “I am aware of that. I just wanted to show you something before we go.” He said and she raised an eyebrow. “Elijah Mikaelson keeping secrets? Now that’s not very noble of you.” She said and he grinned before leaning in and pressing a quick kiss against her lips. “Come with me.” He said and her smile widened as she followed him. “Where are we going?” She asked as she followed him outside of the village. They weren’t too far from the catacombs, but no one else would see them.

 “Right here is a good spot.” He said. “You know of witch heritage. How my mother knows magic and Kol and Henrik also practice it.” He said and Tatia slowly nodded. “Of course. Why?” She asked curiously. “Watch.” He said and he closed his eyes. He gathered up the energy from the land around him and the wind picked up slightly. Tatia’s eyes widened as she looked around and then she saw a ball of fire form in his hand. “Elijah..” She gasped. “You can practice magic too?” She asked and he nodded. “Apparently, I can. I just learned that today.” He said. “And I wanted to share it with you.” He stated and Tatia wrapped her arms around him after he extinguished the flame. “That is a remarkable gift. I am highly impressed.” She said with a grin before placing a soft kiss against his cheek. “I would love to see what else you can do.. but we should get going. The full moon is almost at its peak.” She said and Elijah nodded before taking her hand and leading her towards the catacombs.

 When he arrived, he noticed that Niklaus and Henrik were not there. Esther’s gaze turned to look at Tatia and Elijah and she had a worried expression. “Where are Niklaus and Henrik?” He asked curiously. “We thought that they were with you.” She said and he slowly shook his head. “No.. But I am sure that they will be fine. They know where to take shelter if they cannot get here in time.” He said and Elijah huddled closer to his family when he heard the sound of a wolf’s howl. The wolves were out and no one would be safe if they left the catacombs.

 The morning slowly came and everything was back to normal in the village. Except they heard Niklaus’ cries of horror as he came back into the village, carrying Henrik’s torn body. Elijah’s eyes widened as he looked at the scene. “No..” He didn’t know what to do. Mikael and Esther rushed over to Niklaus as his younger brother placed Henrik’s body on the ground. He could hear Esther’s screams and Mikael pushed Niklaus out of the way. Elijah rushed to his mother’s side and wrapped his arms around her as she wept in horror. He was still trying to process all of this. Less than a day earlier, he had been with Henrik and Kol, laughing and spending time with each other. And now his youngest brother was gone. Killed by the wolves. This felt like an act of war.

 But Esther was determined. That same night, she created a spell that would protect her children so that she would not lose anymore of them to the wolves. Except she had no idea of the dire consequences that would follow. She used Tatia’s blood to help with the spell and unknown to the Mikaelson siblings, they drank Tatia’s blood which was mixed with their wine while they sat down for their evening meal. And later that night when Elijah was able to retire to his room so that he could fall asleep and forget about the whole day, Mikael entered unannounced.

 “Father? What is it?” He asked curiously. He had his sword in his hand. “You will see soon enough.” He said and his father began to advance towards him. Elijah’s eyes widened. “No.. No please.” He tried to plead with his father, but it was no use. Mikael thrust his sword into Elijah’s beating heart and his eyes widened before his life was taken from him. His eyes closed and his lifeless body fell to the ground.

 Elijah Mikaelson was no more.

[henlp]

Most anime is bad.

It's fair to say anime's success in the West, starting in the 80s-90s but gaining mass recognition and appeal in the 2000s, mostly comes from a wide range of premises for stories told, and how emotional payoffs are (for the most part) earned by the writing, be it hype moments, shocking scenes, or the often-expected bittersweet finale.

However, in spite of these positives, it's very frequent that the story for an anime/manga/novel/game/etc. ends up being bad; and for the longest time, I couldn't figure out exactly why. Even a decade ago, when I was far more lenient and forgiving to the content I consumed (because I had yet to achieve the jaded, joyless state I find myself in <current year>), I could tell something was amiss.

Think I first took notice of this when the era of the Big Three was coming to an end, with One Piece carrying on as Fairy Tail instead took the shovel to the head. Alongside Bleach and Naruto, these three manga series all suffered major issues in their final arcs, so blatant that it became too difficult to accept. Something stank in Denmark Japan, and it made no sense why these (supposedly) good series where floundering as they neared the finish line.

A few years later, with more media under my belt, out came Black Clover. Both my weeb cousin and a good friend had spoken highly of the series, alongside many of the places I used to check for animus, so I watched the OVA... and hated it. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with the pilot for the story, mind you, at that point it was only the screeching from the protagonist that bothered me. When the series proper began, I made the conscious effort to try and power through in spite of the awful first impression, to see what the hype had been about... and I still wasn't seeing it. In fact, the story's erratic and hyperactive pacing, alongside its cheap animation, made it almost impossible for me to watch. Only by virtue of the previously aforementioned hype moments on occasion and the catchy OPs did I stick around long enough for the story to get interesting and for me to have any investment in the characters. It didn't get good, but it had at least become tolerable. Lucky for me AND it, I was still at a point where I wouldn't drop shows as easily.

It wasn't looking good for my outlook in regards to japanese entertainment. Even if I would end up consuming more anime than any western shows (at least animes don't fucking despise their audiences), my eye kept getting more critical, and I kept getting less adventurous, due to several shows disappointing. But I still couldn't figure out why this was. If anime and manga were appealing to me still, why was I less inclined to give 'em a pass, why was I more and more dissatisfied. And then I got my answer in 2021, thanks to two shows: Jujutsu Kaisen and the second anime adaptation of Shaman King.

A story's quality can generally be quantified based on three things: characters, world, and plot. Each informs the other two, and a good story never has one of these working against the others. But it can also happen that all three work in their own right, but not in tandem. A fourth, rarely-considered factor for evaluating story is EXECUTION. So when it comes to anime, manga, novels, games, etc, the problem usually is in execution. You could argue that there are different cultural sensibilities for storytelling in Japan, or corporate factors interjecting themselves in the process; but that would be an explanation, not an excuse. And nowadays, enough japanese creators quote some of their influences as not just being other japanese creators, but also creators from around the globe (past and present). There's not this magical bubble keeping the Land of the Rising Sun ignorant of other types of storytelling and development processes.

So how did I arrive at this conclusion thanks to Jujutsu Kaisen and Shaman King 2021? Both shows suffer terribly when it comes to execution of their stories, although in different ways:

-With Jujutsu Kaisen (at least the anime, I've not read the whole manga), there were several instances where I found myself asking "Did I miss an episode or something?", because you frequently had characters reacting and conducting themselves with one another as if there was a deluge of development between them off-screen. No better example than EmoBangs McGee, who becomes BFFs with the protagonist in less than 5min, later having a fight that was probably meant to be very heart-wrenching, except there was no development for their relation (and powers), so it made no sense for them to act in that fashion (if this is different in the manga, by all means let me know);

-With Shaman King 2021, meanwhile, I was well-familiarized with the characters, the world, and the plot. I knew the main elements of the story, I had in fact rewatched the show in the past decade, and in spite of filler content and Black Sabbath cameos, still remembered it strongly. But as I am watching the new show, the word that comes to mind is "cheap": cheap animation and rushed pacing. Maybe this is due to certain events, or the studio trying to rush past the initial stages of the story, but still. All it had to do was clear the filler, give each scene and character the love and care they needed to make their moments the best they could, and let it go from there. It's been twelve years since FMA Brotherhood, if you're going to be a greedy bitch and redo an anime adaptation, there's no excuse for it to be of such low quality.

As you can see, both failed in execution, with the latter in its new adaptation and the former (possibly) in its original format. When I realized this, suddenly the fog dissipated, and I could see why all those stories had failed: Bleach failed because its power creep and character conflicts were executed horribly; Naruto's atrocious pacing (in both manga and anime) was done solely to extend the story needlessly; Fairy Tail's final arcs (although not only that) dropped the ball because Hiro Mashima was actively trying to ensure there were no sad elements to the story or the end of his characters' arcs; Black Clover‘s poor execution came in how its first few arcs play out, trying to speed up through the world-building, which left most characters too anemic and underdeveloped until far later into the story.

But of course, this is an issue that exists in far more IPs than just the ones I’ve mentioned so far and others of the same caliber. It happens with the cream of the crop as well: Boku no Hero Academia's more recent decisions have been executed very poorly, when they were just a single step away from being done very well; post-timeskip One Piece has relied too heavily on characters having skills and forms that we aren't familiarized with, and fights that don't resolve in a smart fashion, but due to nakama power fueling Luffy; season fucking 2 of One-Punch Man is the poster child for terrible execution of anime adaptations, considering the original webcomic, the manga, and season 1. This issue is (almost) everywhere, and yeah, I get it: anime and manga are produced through such a hellish process, that a lot of times the authors or production staff don't have the time to go through their stories to make sure everything's on the up-and-up. Yusuke Murata is not exactly a common example, of someone that's allowed to go back to both redraw and rewrite entire chapters; and I am somewhat glad that, at least when it comes to JUMP, they seem to be getting slightly more lenient with the talent and their teams if it means better results in the long run.

However, the issue persists. I neither know nor think that anything can be resolved even if the extremely demanding workload of manga/anime production were to be alleviated (we've had plenty of examples in the West, of media that has all the time and money in the world, still imploding and salting the earth around it), but at the very least, it can be something that creators who are not under those retraints to take into account, so as not to make those same mistakes.

Do not try to subvert conversations that SHOULD be happening, just because in anime there's a stereotype of scenes where everything stops in its tracks just so characters can have a conversation, be it executed well or poorly (an aspect I'd wager stems from when the source material is manga or a novel). Don't think that because a character's power level let's them blow up the moon from orbit, that immersion can't be broken if you don't justify how they might struggle against another on the same tier. Be wary of the very common issue with 'Wanime' (Western animation using the anime style), where creators completely put aside depth for spectacle, to the point that it becomes indistinguishable from a parody show such as Megas XLR.

Always remember, execution is the be-all and end-all to every character development, emotional payoff, hype moment, world building, and plot progression. Think about every scene, and if it actually informs the audience of what should be happening. If it doesn't, then you'll have to try and fix it before, not after. And if you can't do it (which is fine, most of us are fucking dumbasses), now you understand why even a lot of shonen action series have a bunch of slice-of-life, semi-filler scenes interjected in-between big events, so that you can have context and weight to what will transpire.

[mrs-i-have-too-many-biases]

Bang Chan// Sun and Moon (-light)// Chapter three

Summary: Sun and Moon, different from another, but both unmissable in the world. The sun is warm, it provides daylight. It represents life, strength and growth. The moon, the brightest and largest object in our night sky. It makes the earth more livable and represents admiration, change, mystery and feelings. The sun is untouchable and unreachable, but what if his ,independent, sun(-shine) becomes his world? Tropes: Enemies to Lovers Season: Spring Pairing: Bang Chan X Reader AU: | Delinquent!Female Reader | Vice President!Bang Chan | School!AU | Non!Idol AU | Genre: Fluff/ Angst Word Count: 7,5K Warnings: Themes of bullying, Themes of Abuse, swearing, insults, Requested: Yes (Reference) A/n: For the sake of the fiction, Chan is a twat in the story, but only for imagines purposes only. We all know better than that.

Y/n huffed impatiently as she waited for Chan to arrive finally. She laid her head on the table as the morning sun shined on her face through the windows. He had told her that he would’ve been a little later due to his training sessions, which obviously came with being the star athlete of the school.

She was munching away at the table she and Chan kept claiming every session. She had secretly sneaked some food into the library. The librarian, who knew Y/n by now quite well, let her however, without letting anyone else know of course. Y/n would’ve stayed at the 24-hour library to take a nap, away from home before she was close with Changbin. The librarian, better known as Adelaide. She was an elder lady who was very modernised. She had tattoos of her own that she would love to talk about with Y/n. She would often act like a grandmother to Y/n, something and someone Y/n never had. This was she got to experience that a little.

When Y/n heard a gasp she knew Chan had arrived, the smell of chlorine that filled her senses also giving it away. “Y/n! You can’t eat in the library!” Chan whisper yelled as he was about to snatch it away from her. “I can.” Y/n smirked as she kept on eating whilst looking Chan deadly in the eyes. “Don’t worry, Adelaide doesn’t care, when it comes to me at least.” “Why did she gave up on you already?” Chan joked, making Y/n roll her eyes.

“I came here to study, I also waited for you for an hour and I brought you snacks. So, instead of being a little twat, sit down and let’s do this. I could’ve been done already.” She sighed slightly in annoyance. “Alright, alright. But still I think it’s a little odd to eat here.” Chan mutters, yet still taking the pack of snacks form Y/n’s hands. “Adelaide will be find with it, unless it’s a complete dinner, that she doesn’t appreciate.”

After an hour, Y/n still couldn’t understand the exercise they had been discussing. “How can you still not get it! We’ve been over this already for the umpteenth time!” Chan cried out tiredly. He ran his hands through his now fuzzy hair. He looked like a madman and he blamed Y/n for it, because that what she did, she drove him mad. Especially right now.

“C’mon Y/n, we have class in ten minutes.” “You expect me to get this magically in the next ten minutes, even though we just spent an hour on this one thing.” “Alright, let’s continue this after school then. Because we have a test in a few days and you need to get a good grade.” Chan yawned. “Fine.” Y/n sighed as well as she started to pack up her stuff.

“When are you free?” Chan asked her. Y/n looked at him surprised whilst raising an eyebrow. “I thought I was the one who needed to adjust to your schedule?” She smirked turning his words against him, making him cringe in process. “Y/n I-“ “It doesn’t matter. Just tell me a date and a place.” “Tonight, your house-“ “Uh, rather not my house-“ “Then why did you-“ “Let’s just meet up here again, so that people will restrain me from ending myself, because this shit is getting on my nerves.” She said before walking out to her class.

Chan sighed to himself as the stupid words repeated themselves through his head. He regretted snarling those words to her the other day, but he tried to shake them off as he as well made his way to his class.

“I’m telling you Binnie, this next tattoo will be amazing! I already drew new designs for you!” Y/n said happily as she was on the phone with her best friend. Y/n was set outside once again, on the usual spot. The sun was warm and she was scribbling away in her notebook. “If you could actually tattoo than I would be fighting for my job right now, even Hyunjin talked about teaching you the ways of tattooing.” Bin chuckles. “I mean, I am an amazing artist, you should be quaking.” She laughed brightly.

What Y/n didn’t know was that Chan had been watching her, like a little creep. Well, not really, but he had been staring at her ever since she took place at the table outside. Chan saw how bright she was and how the sunlight complimented her skin. He felt his heart jump a little when he saw he smile again. He suddenly was overwhelmed with his feelings, especially when his friends dropped another joke of him having a crush on her. “No, I’m just wondering how she can lazy around when she should worry about her life.” Chan shot back. The words weren’t aimed towards him, but they stung into his chest.

Why did something inside tell him that he was ‘too good’ for her, that she was ‘below him’ and that he shouldn’t fall for someone like her. He started to argue with himself that he wouldn’t fall for her, but when he looked up to Y/n’s figure once again and saw her smile, his jumping heart tried to prove him otherwise.

In the meantime Y/n was still on the phone with Changbin. “Hey, Binnie, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later? You could be my knight and safe me from my tutoring sessions.” “I mean you could go and use your new knowledge on your tutor-“ “I’m going to stop you right there for the sake of my sanity.” She groans as her friend laughed at his dirty joke. “No, but I guess I can be your rescuer and hang out with you.” Changbin said before he was cut off by her gasping. “I’m sorry Binnie! I forgot that he wanted to study some more in our free time.” She could hear her best friend pout through the phone. “Why do you play with my feelings like that? My producer buddy’s also gone, so you’re telling me that you’re leaving me behind to hang out all night with Hyunjin?” He cried out dramatically. “You would be working anyway. I’ll send you the drawings I made so you can redesign them.” “Fine, fine. But you owe me a complete date. Which means activities, you pay for dinner thank you for offering and cuddles, because I need your attention.” He muttered cutely. “Fine fine, except we’re probably splitting the bill, oh how smart of you Binnie!” She joked, using his tactics against him.

She heard him huff once again before they exchanged their goodbyes and hung up the phone.

Hours passed and Y/n was back at it again with Chan. She magically got her to understand the exercise, they had trouble with before, within fifteen minutes.

“Thank God, because I was going to lose my last braincells due to your stupidity.” Chan joked before getting a notebook thrown to his head.

The two decided after having some banter and studying the session for the next morning in advance, so they could sleep in before school for once after a long time.

It would be nine o’clock when the two started to lose motivation and focus. “Someone’s hungry.” She joked when she heard Chan’s stomach grumble. “No shit, we’ve been in here for hours and your crisps aren’t that filling you know.” “You twat, be glad I brought you some food or I would’ve left you here to starve.” Chan chuckled at her grumpy state and shook his head in amusement.

“Alright Gym Rat, let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving as well.”

“Gym rat?” He asked while laughing, taken aback by the sudden nickname. “Yeah, you’re buff as fuck. Now pack up so we can go and eat, or else I’m leaving you here.” Chan was shocked by her words as she stood up and left to wait outside for him.

He was surprised that she noticed and almost complimented his body, but he just told himself that she must’ve assumed what his body looked like through others’ whispers. Or did she actually watch his competitions? So many questions, yet so little answers.

“So, where do you want to go.” Expecting a name of a restaurant being spilled from Y/n’s lips, Chan was yet again to be surprised. “There’s a convenience store not far from here, let’s go there.” Chan was used to girls picking out expensive restaurants whenever they were with him, expecting him to pay since they knew he was too nice and rather wealthy.

When they walked into the store, it wasn’t very crowded. Y/n told him that she liked to come here since people usually liked to go to convenience stores near the river. This store was particularly cute and aesthetically pleasing, it would be a great place for Instagram photos, yet no one seemed to know of it, since it was hidden behind the tall and modern buildings of Seoul.

Y/n would grab a basket and throw many kinds of food in. Two packs of instant noodles, two fried chicken breasts, some 떡볶이 (‘Tteokkbokki’: Spicy rice cakes) that the two of them could share and lastly some beverages. She surprised him even more when she paid for all of it. She went to prepare the food as Chan went to look for a spot and to keep an eye on all their stuff.

He looked around and took the scenery in. It was quite pleasing to the eye and he had to admit that he almost never came into a convenience store. He usually got all his food from at home. Or there would be someone who would get the food for him and his family. He was quite spoiled, but he was aware of it, so it wasn’t that bad, right?

Within ten minutes Chan had devoured the food and was left with only the delicious aftertaste on his tongue and a filled belly. He sat back in his chair as he munched on the rice cakes as he watched Y/n eat elegantly. Compared to Chan, she actually looked like she was enjoying the food, doing little dances after each bite or sip from her drink. He thought it was cute and smiled a little to himself.

The nice lady who owned the store came up to the two and smiled kindly as she gave them ‘service’, which basically mean they get free food ‘on the house’. “It’s nice to see you again Y/n.” She added before walking off again. Chan stared at her, making Y/n burst out in laughter. “I basically live here.” She explained playfully, but shortly before eating again. “It seems like you live everywhere else but at home.” Chan joked, making Y/n stop for a split second to process the comment. She knew he was right, but she didn’t wanted to admit it. So she just forced out a chuckle before eating again, this time avoiding his gaze.

Chan felt the air thickening as soon as the joke slipped out and he felt and physically saw that she got uncomfortable. He felt a pang in his chest, which was guilt that spread through his veins. Y/n noticed Chan tensing up as well. She contemplated if she wanted to tell him about her home situation, but she didn’t. She didn’t tell Changbin until they had known each other for months. Yes, she knew Chan for ages, but did she though? They never spend time together until these past weeks and those meet ups were forced.

She didn’t notice Chan standing up, but jumped in shock when he suddenly sat back down. He held two ice creams in his hand and handed one to her. It was his turn to jump in shock when he heard Y/n gasp and squeal in excitement as she took the ice cream from his hands. She stared at it for a good ten seconds with big sparkly eyes before ripping the paper off it and eating it.

“You must really love ice cream.” Chan laughed in disbelief at her sudden change of behaviour, which relieved him. “This is my absolute favourite ice cream.” She said in between licks. “Really?” “Yes! I thought they stopped selling these, because I haven’t seen them in ages! Thank you, by the way.” She said in a whisper. “Shouldn’t I be thanking you? You literally paid for everything.” “I mean, you’re the one helping me out. Even though I know you don’t really want to and this is all forced onto you, it’s really the least I could do. I would love to treat you in a real restaurant, but I simply don��t have the money for that.” She admitted in embarrassment. She really wanted to show her gratitude, but if only she had a little more money. The money she made at Tattoo Parlour.

“No, no! It’s okay, really. Please don’t feel bad. I really enjoyed the food. It was honestly one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. It’s simply but very tasty.” Chan assured her quickly. “Oh please-“ “No, really! I mean, noodles, everyone loves them. Caviar, please.” Chan scoffed making her smile. “Thanks.”

There was a short period of silence as the two avoided each other’s gazes. “Chan?” “Yes?” “Do you find me intimidating?” She suddenly asks. “Why are you asking?” “Why are you avoiding answering my ask?” She smirked slightly, but then soon sighed, because she was already aware of the answer that was about to come out of his mouth, which was ‘yes’.

“Am I actually that intimidating?” “Well, you usually show up in bruises, cuts and other types of wounds. You wear black all the time, you don’t really interact with people and you’re quite mysterious.” “Well, seems like I did caught your eye.” She joked, but she had no idea how hard Chan’s heart was pounding.

“I don’t feel like I’m intimidating though. I’m just, I don’t know, protecting myself.” She admitted as she rested her head on her hand, whilst looking at the guy in front of her. “Protecting yourself from what?” Chan asks, genuinely worried. “I don’t know, people, I guess. It’s the way I look, dress, apparently behave and have behaved in the past that makes people think certain things of you. People assume I’m a bad kid, because I have scars and wounds all over my body, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve beaten up a random kid.” She huffed in slight frustration.

“What are the bruises from then?” Chan asked carefully. “I kickbox and practice Taekwondo in my free time. I don’t really like using harnesses or gloves for kickboxing.” Which wasn’t half of a lie. “That honestly explains quite a lot.” Chan mutters as he felt guilty for prejudicing her. “It’s one of the simple reasons why teacher don’t like me, my appearance I mean. And the shit I did in my pass apparently is permanently burned into their mind, since it’s in my ‘permanent record’. I guess I can’t change their view and thoughts on me.” “Yes, you can and you will with the upcoming test. You’re going to show them that you got this, which you actually do. You understand almost everything perfectly. At some exercises you didn’t even needed me.” Chan encourages, softening Y/n’s heart for him.

Only Changbin, plus his parents, have been encouraging towards her for the past years. It was nice to have someone else to add to that list.

“I just wish some people took some courage or something to get to know me, you know? I really am not that bad, or well I at least hope I’m not.” She sighs and Chan pitied her.

“Then I would like to get to know you, or at least better.” Chan’s words surprised himself as they had the same effect on Y/n. “What-“ “Let’s get to know each other, in the mean time I can change your mind that I’m not a snobby rich kid.” “I never-“ “I know, but that’s what most people think of me when they hear my name: rich, athletic and probably handsome.” He joked smugly as she scoffed out a laughter. “No one says that pretty boy.” “Yet here you are!” He laughed along.

“Well, if you want to get to know me better, then meet me at third period at the ‘Stray Café, tomorrow.” She leaned forward to set the seriousness in her tone, as he gulped loudly at her sudden confidence that she gained out of nowhere. “I have class third period.” He mutters. “If you really want to get to know me, then I’ll see you tomorrow third period Channie.” She winked before standing up to leave.

Chan didn’t know what messed him up more. The fact that she asked him to skip tomorrow, her confidence, the wink or the nickname he used to be annoyed at.

He turned around to see her looking at him one last time, sending him a smile and yet another wink, before stepping out the store.

She sighed whilst shaking her head in amusement, she wanted to see how true Chan was to his words.

The next morning, after the both of them had their test first period, Y/n went straight to the café to clear her mind. The cup of tea in her hand spread warmth from her fingertips to the rest of her body as she enjoyed the spring scenery that was laid in front of her eyes behind the other side of the window.

Third period almost began and she wasn’t anticipating that Chan would actually show up to the café. But to her surprise she heard the bell indicated that a customer had walked into the store, in reflex she turned her head to see what was going on to see a familiar figure walking in.

Chan had changed out of his ‘school’ clothes and wore a leather jacket, a sweater and ripped jeans. Y/n was speechless to see him like that, being used to see him in plane shirts and black hoodies. She kept staring at him as he sat down in front of her, not bothering to exchange the greeting Chan just said to her.

“Earth to Y/n-“ Chan had waved his hand in front of her face, making her snap out of her trance before she cut him off. “You’re actually here?” She stuttered in utter shock. “Yes, I meant what I said. So let’s get to know each other.” He smiled brightly. When she did this trick with Changbin, he showed up as well and she was overjoyed, because she felt like he really wanted to give her a shot at getting to know each other. Yet, all she could feel right now was worrisome.

“Are you sure you want to be here? What about your reputation? You will get thrown off as vice president and I will get the blame-“ “Don’t worry. That’s my responsibility. Besides, you said you wanted to talk, so let’s talk.” He smirked at her flustered state.

“How was your day?” Chan asks, trying to make the girl across him make herself feel at ease with him. But she was still too in shock of his presence and only manages to squeak out a ‘hngg’, making Chan laugh. “So the test went bad?” “No, I aced that- thanks to you though.” She giggled, slowly feeling more comfortable around him. Usually, skipping wasn’t that big of a deal for her, but skipping with her vice president, hit her a little different.  

The two would be chatting away, Chan told Y/n about his childhood in Australia and how he used to fly back and fort a lot to keep in touch with his friends and family. He told her about his dog, Berry, who he loved very much. He ranted about a crazy story where he and his dog would go on adventures as young kids, they would go swimming together in a lake near by his house in Australia and play together.

“…I sure do miss it there. It’s a lot warmer over there.” He chuckled. “I bet, but I think that the summers here in Korea are more pleasant.” “They definitely are, here I’m not worried that my eyebrows will scorch any second.” He joked, making her burst out in laughter, picturing an eyebrow-less Chan in her mind.

Their banter was interrupted by a young-looking waitress who Y/n had noticed staring at them. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but wonder if you were that famous swimmer? Chan was his name?” She asked whilst twirling her hair around her finger, causing Y/n to force her throw up back down her throat. “N-no, I think you’ve got me mixed up with someone else.” Chan tried to convince her, but she was still suspicious about him.

“We should go.” Y/n whispers, they set down a generous amount of money on the table before they left the café. Y/n looked down her arm as Chan dragged her around town, to wherever he was going. His hand had a secure grasp on her wrist.

‘I thought I was the one who asked him to come here, if only people could see him dragging me around like this, they would lose their minds.’ Y/n thought to herself and snickered slightly.

“Okay, so what would you like to do?” Chan asks. “What, you’re not going back to school?” She asked him, thinking he would return for fourth period. “Well, are you?” “No, but-“ “Then let’s go!” Chan cheered.

“What are places you love to go to?” Chan asks her as they sat in the park together, playing twenty-one questions.

“I love going to the park, so props to you, you chose a great spot as well. But I think one of my favourite places to be at all times would be at the beach in Busan.” “Really?” Chan asks. “I used to live there. We also owned this small beach house at the end of the beach where it was pretty much abandoned. My mother used to take me there all the time.” “She doesn’t do it anymore?” Chan asks her without thinking too much of it.” “No, she passed away about two years ago.” Y/n whispers sadly whilst looking down at her feet, resting her head on her knees, that were pressed to her chest in process as well.

Chan felt like an idiot for asking her such dumb questions lately and started to apologise rapidly. “It’s okay, you couldn’t have known.” She assured him with a soft smile, making his heart do weird things in his chest.

“I hate to do this right now, but I have an meeting in thirty minutes which I really need to attend as vice president.” Chan mutters convicted. “That’s fine, I can go back with you to school. I’ll hang out at misses Yu’s music room, since my classes are over anyway.” Y/n offers as she got up. “What do you mean?” “My classes ended after third period.” Y/n smirked. “You’re saying that-“ “I only skipped one period, yes. Yes I did.” She giggled before she started to walk ahead.

When the two had sneaked back into the school, Y/n had disappeared to the empty music room and Chan made his way to his meeting. “Chan! Where’ve you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” Jisung pants as he came towards him running with Felix on his side. “I wasn’t feeling too well, so I went away for a bit.” Chan lied. “Without saying anything?” Felix asked in confusion. “Yeah, sorry about that but I really didn’t feel too good, I went to the hospital.” Chan added to the lie. “Was it that bad?” Chan would only hum in respond this time. “What did the doctor say?” Jisung asks. “That I was overworked-“ “Doesn’t surprise me.” Jisung laughed, but in the meantime, Felix was a little suspicious of his friend.

“Dumpling!” Changbin exclaimed happily when Y/n walked through the door of his apartment. He tackled her in a hug and the both ended up falling to the ground. “Well hello to you too Binnie.” She giggled whilst hugging him back.

The two would talk about their day, Y/n didn’t wanted Changbin to know about her little skipping-date with Chan just yet, because she wanted to see first from Chan’s side how committed her was to getting to know her. And besides that, she knew her best friend would become whiny and jealous whenever she talked about someone other than him.

“I have some good news!” Changbin chirped as the two fell down on the big sofa in the living area. “What is it?” She asked with big eye of expectation whilst drinking her tea. “My cousin is getting married!” “Your cousin from Japan?” She asked him excitedly and started to squeal happily when her best friend nodded in responds.

The two had bet since his cousin started to date this beautiful Japanese woman, who he was too scared of confessing his love to. The two would watch and listen to the whole journey as if it was a tv soap, feeling very involved into the journey as they heard his mother talk to her sister on the phone about Changbin’s cousin. And now finally after years of him going after this girl, and dating her for two years, they finally are getting married.

“When is the wedding?” Y/n asks with still ecstatic and glister to be found in her eyes, whilst Changbin’s dropped. “It’s in two weeks.” Changbin states, making Y/n sit back in shock. “Wow, he got that wedding arranged fast.” “He’s rich and he couldn’t wait to be married to the love of his life, those things can make a lot happen.” Changbin chuckled, still in disbelief of his cousin’s actions. “Well, when are you leaving to Japan?” She asks him, not feeling the tension surrounding them. “That’s the thing, because my cousin is rich and because he hasn’t seen us, and the rest of the family in a long time, he had invited us over to stay there for a month in Japan-“ “A month!” Y/n exclaimed. “I know, it’s a long time.” “When are you leaving?” She asked carefully, thinking that she could maybe book a cheap hotel to stay away from home, but she might need to safe up for it. “In two days.” He whispers, making Y/n’s world turn upside down.

She could feel herself panic a little. She had no money to stay somewhere else. Changbin wouldn’t be there by her side to comfort her, he wouldn’t be there to take care of her and he was used to his presents after two years of being best friends together, she didn’t know how to miss him.

“I know what you’re thinking and don’t worry. First take a deep breath, I don’t want you hyperventilating.” He chuckled slightly as he scooted a little closer to bring her into his muscular arms.

“I talked to my parents and they also didn’t wanted you to be back ‘home’, so we decided to let you stay here. We’ll give you a spare key and since you know the area and the passcode to the apartment it would be fine-“ “I can’t do that, that’s too much.” “Y/n, please take the offer. I would feel horrible at the fact that we couldn’t have let you stay here where it is safe. I don’t want you to be hurt, okay? This way I can sleep soundly when I’m away from you.” Changbin explained as he brushed his hand through Y/n’s hair. “I-“ “When you’re coming here, take a different route to it every day. Just to be safe. We both know what your father is capable of. If you have to be ‘home’, only do it in the morning. When you leave that place it would be in daylight and I feel like people do less fucked up thing when people could actually see them happening.” Changbin sighed as he hugged her a little tighter.

“Thank you, Binnie.” She softly sobbed into his shoulder, feeling very grateful and blessed to have such a great friend like him in her life. It gave her the feeling that life was worth living for just a little bit, because people like Changbin restored her faith in humanity inside of her.

Later that afternoon the two went out for dinner, that the both argued to pay for, which Changbin shot the ‘with what money’ whenever she stated to pay for all of it. He would, as usual, burst into laughter and receive a pouty sulk from his best friend, who then would take a sad bite of the pizza.

The pair would laugh and have a great time together. They would talk about new tattoo projects, music lyrics and melody inspiration ideas. “I swear! Crunch up some old leaves this fall and make a remix of it! It could become a hit!” She said in a serious tone, but Changbin could only laugh at her wild and creative ideas. “I don’t know where you get them from, but I surely do love them.” He said as he tried to catch his breath after his fit of laughter.

Later they would walk back to Changbin’s apartment, chatting and laughing away as usual, until Changbin received a phone call from someone named ‘Yongbokkie’. Y/n had never heard of him, but shrugged if off since it was none of her business anyway.

“…no I’m already out. Yeah, I’m with someone already. Maybe next time I’m around. I’ll be gone for a while since we’re going to Japan. I’ll see you then when I’m back. Bye!” She heard her best friend say before hung up and made the device disappear into his pocket.

“Do you have to be somewhere?” She asked him. “Nope, you have all my attention.” He grinned before entering the apartment complex to play some video games in is room.

“Binnie?” Y/n later that evening asked. “Yes?” He responds, whilst his eyes are still glued on the game they were playing together, or well he was at least. Y/n died in the first ten minutes.

“Do you feel like I keep you away from others?” The sadness in her tone got his attention and deliberately let his character die, so he could talk with his best friend. “Where is that question suddenly coming from?” He asked her, now facing her. “I don’t know, you always make time for me. It makes me wonder if you think that I’m clingy or something. That I keep you busy or away from other people who you want to hang out with.” “Let me tell you something. That’s not true at all. I want to be around you. You’re my best friend! I love being around you. You haven’t heard this from me, but I think I am a little whipped for you.” He whispered with a smug smile, making her burst out in laughter.

“I love being around you too.” She mutters whilst hugging him tiredly. “Good, because now. Stop sucking at this game and let’s kick someone’s ass!”

Days passed by quicker than Y/n wanted them to.

Right now she was at the airport to send her best friend off to Japan. They had been clinging onto each other like koalas, making his parents and his sister chuckle at their cuteness.

Y/n wanted to be around him as much as she could, before she had to survive a whole month without Changbin, in Changbin’s apartment. How crazy is that?

“I’m going to miss you.” She sighed sadly as she hugged him, it almost being time for him to board his plane. “I’m just a sea away. You can call me whenever. Especially since Hyunjin is probably going to hire temporary staff. You need to keep me updated on those, there’s always some kind of tea to spill when it comes to those.” Changbin laughed to lift the mood.

As they hugged their goodbyes for the last time, Changbin would disappear with his family in the crowd and Y/n would make her way back to the apartment, riding a cab home.

When she walked in, she felt weird of not having some kind of living presence in her best friend’s place she was so used to. Y/n decided to clean up a little before she made herself at home. She was going to live there for a month after all. She still couldn’t thank his parents, and Changbin himself of course, for entrusting her to stay at their home.

Two and a half hours later she received a videocall from Changbin, to tell that they had arrived safely. “I was sat next to this older man and he smelled so bad. I wanted to throw myself out of the plane.” Changbin whined, making his best friend laugh. “Are you laughing at my agony?” He asked ‘hurt’. “Always.” She joked, making him gasp dramatically.

“What are you doing later?” “I have another tutoring session.” Y/n sighed. “Well shit, that guy really has you busy every day, huh?” “Tell me about it.” “And besides that? Or don’t you know yet?” Changbin asked. “Probably, playing around on your keyboard, but that’s it. I cleaned up a little already.” “You know we already did that earlier, right?” “I know, but I usually am already a mess so I got to clean that shit up.” She joked making Changbin burst out in laughter.

“I got to go for now. I will call you later tonight, okay?” “That’s fine. Have fun there! By the way, say hi to your cousin for me!” “Will do! Bye Dumpling!” “Bye Binnie!”

To say that Y/n was bored out of her mind without Changbin was an understatement. She could die from boresome right now. She wondered how she used to survive without Changbin in her life. She missed his stupid dad jokes and his teasing insults.

She played around on his keyboard for a while, but failed to be motivated at it, so she decided to clean up the little mess Changbin had left behind on his desk.

There were papers laying everywhere and she thought it would be nice of her to organise them for when he comes back. Most of them being music sheets and lyrics scrabbles randomly on multiple papers, were probably needed and used in the future.

“’Wow’?” Y/n muttered to herself as she came across a paper with lyrics written on it. She chuckled to herself at the text and quickly put it away before she lost more braincells to the madness she called Changbin’s mess that turned out to be a lot more work than she anticipated it to be.

It did help her to pass time though. Before she knew it, she was back at it again in the library, waiting for Chan to arrive. When he did, he smelled like chlorine again, indicating that he just came back from the pool. “Sorry, I’m late again.” He mutters tiredly. “It’s okay, did you had to dodge your little fans again?” She joked, he only shot her a fake smile before diving into the books with her.

The two were both tired and the motivation was faint. Y/n was throwing little paper balls to his head to amuse herself. When he sighed and went to play the game along with her, they started to laugh together and forget about their tutoring session. As they played, they tried to catch each other’s crumbled papers in the air and Y/n had to keep in mind that her arms were badly bruised and that her hoodie, which was actually Changbin’s, had to stay in place.

Chan had a feeling that he knew the hoodie, as Y/n fumbled with the fabric.

‘It’s from a store smartass, multiple people could have bought it.’ He said to himself, before brushing the subject of his mind.

In the end, the two got hungry again during their tutoring session and decided to skip it for today and go out to eat again at the convenience store. This time, Chan was the one to grab a basket and told Y/n to pick out a spot. This time she went outside, since it was nice and warm and she wanted to watch the sunset.

When Chan returned with a tray full of food, the two started to eat. Whilst doing so, Y/n had noticed the change in Chan’s behaviour. 

‘Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.’

It started Monday at school. The two would cross each other in the hallways smiling, waving and even greeting each other whenever they saw the other. Chan had noticed as well that Y/n seemed to have gotten less into trouble. Which he honestly was glad about, he was tired of scolding her.

Little did Chan know it was because Y/n didn’t had to face her father all day and got to stay at Changbin’s luxurious apartment.

The teachers were praising Chan for his ‘accomplishments’ on toning her down and how he was such a great helper. Y/n seemed to be slowly passing her classes thanks to him. Which he of course was glad about, but he wasn’t listening at all when the adults were talking to him. He was trying to figure out with himself how he could spend extra time with her. He had to admit to himself that he liked being around her. She was very easy going and nice to talk to. She also has a lovely appearance to look at, so Chan wasn’t complaining about his tutoring sessions, anymore.

It was now Wednesday and Chan had sneaked out of his classroom, claiming he had to be somewhere, before he made his way to Y/n’s classroom, which was packed. When he stepped into the room, all eyes were on his. Including Y/n’s, who looked at him confused. “Can I steal Y/n for a moment?” Chan asked the teacher politely, which was an older woman who was smitten for Chan to be honest. And she of course let him. “What’s up?” Y/n asks him when she stood with him alone in the hallways. “Can we meet up after my swim session?” Chan asks, which got her bamboozled.

Was that why he picked her out of class? Couldn’t he had texted her- no he couldn’t they hadn’t exchanged numbers yet, somehow.

“Yeah sure.” She said unsure of his weirdly behaviour. She had her hand rested on the doorknob, the door slightly open as Chan said: “I’ll see you later then.” A slight smirk laid on his lips before he walked off again.

Little did the two know that the whole class heard Chan say that he will see her later. Everyone started to suspect the relationship between the two, which wasn’t in existent, except a platonic one. Sooyun, who was also in Y/n’s current class was fuming with anger.

‘Why would her Channie see her later?’ 

She didn’t think that they would become that close, since she heard the ‘rumour’, which eventually turned out to be the truth, that Chan was tutoring Y/n in her free time. She felt jealous that Chan made more time for that ‘tramp’ instead of her.

‘That’s why he hasn’t come for dinner.’ Sooyun mutters to herself before she huffs once again and started to glare at Y/n, whilst thinking of a plan to win her man back. When the school bell rang, she got it.

She walked up to the teacher with big eyes and a pout on her lips. “Miss, I’m having a lot of trouble with these past chapters lately…”

Y/n fumbled with her fingers as she made her way to the school’s public pool. The smell of chlorine filled her senses, making her eyes water a little as she entered the pool area. There were multiple people swimming swiftly, racing against each other.

She could spot Chan almost immediately. His shoulders were broader than the other’s and his skin was the palest out of all of them. She decided to watch them as they finished edge near her feet. Chan took his goggles off and looked up to her with a bright smile. “You came!” Chan chirped before pushing himself up on the edge of the pool. Her eyes couldn’t help but wander off his figure. His muscular figure caught a lot of eyes, they always said. And now Y/n knew why. His toned chest and abs were almost in her face, making it hard for her not to look down at just shamelessly stare at them.

Chan knew what he was doing and what kind of affect it, usually, had on people, most of them being girls. Y/n played it cool and acted unbothered, which surprised Chan. Most people would flirt a little or at least be flustered, yet here she was, acting like it was nothing to her.

“You wanted to talk about something?” She asks.

He was yet again surprised by her reaction. He started to stutter like he did many times before at her confidence. Felix oversaw the whole thing. He saw how his friend got flustered and started to act like a fool. When Chan had walked away from Y/n, Felix asked him what that was all about.

“I’m hanging out with her.” Was all that Chan would say to his friend before quickly hopping into the showers.

“You suck!” Y/n yelled in victory as she smashed Chan’s ass at the game, they were playing in the Internet café where they were sat. “You’re so good at this what the hell.” Chan exclaimed in shock, whilst Y/n proudly flipped her hair off her shoulder, making Chan laugh along. “My bestie taught would be proud.” “Did she teach you?” “Yes, he taught me well.” She giggled when Chan’s face stiffened in embarrassment. “Sorry I assumed-“ “It’s okay. Do you dare to go for another round?” “Oh! Watch me!” Chan said confident before picking up the controller again.

“Oh stop sulking.” Y/n teases as Chan paid for their food. “I can’t believe you beat me. I’m usually a pro when I play with my friends.” Chan whined. “Well, that just means they suck more at the game than you already do.” She giggled whilst sticking her tongue playfully out to him.

The two would sit across each other in silence for a while as they ate their ice cream.

“You know, I don’t know about you, but this kind of felt like a date to me. And I know that it probably isn’t, I just wanted to say that it does feel like one, or at least I think so.” Y/n chuckled. “You think so? Or you know so?” “What?” “If this feels like a date or not?” Chan explained. “Oh, I think so. I honestly have never been on a date before.” She admitted softly in embarrassment.

“Really?” Chan asked genuinely surprised. Y/n only shook her head in responds to confirm her own statement. “Well, then I will take the responsibly to take you out on an official date. Just as friends though, but I will give you the ‘real’ experience.” Chan’s mouth spoke for him before his brain could process it. He felt his heart speed up and his hands sweat.

“I beg your pardon?” “Let me take you out, so you can have the actual experience. What do you have to lose?” Chan grinned as he looked at the flustered girl in front of him. “Alight, but under one condition.” “Which is?” “No kissing.” “Fine by me.” Chan winked whilst still grinning.

The night ended happy and Y/n made her way home with a grin stuck on her face. She walked an extra long route so she could enjoy the fresh air and the lingering feeling of happiness a little longer, but that soon was to be spoiled when a heavy familiar voice boomed through the streets and called out her name.

She sighed and grasped herself to get ready for what was coming next. Which she sadly knew all too well.

Gif Isn’t mine.

[dokuhebi]

❛ kings die, realms fall, but magic endures. ❜

THE WITCHER 3 PROMPTS // @snakereign Everything in this world is different to them. From the wood making up tables, bookshelves and furnishings, to the materials making blankets, clothing and curtains. Born from bushes, trees and animals the serpent has simply never seen before. But despite how foreign everything here is, it is they themself who remains the exotic and misplaced one. The outlander. If they had felt hunted in their old world - and how constantly tracked down like a witch they were - this new realm offered countless more enemies to contend with. Fools who wanted them for power, spare parts in wizard like potions, or zoology. While being formidable and immortal certainly aids them in staying safe, they know better than to take on a world of enemies. They had done it once before, and although they ought to consider themself lucky to have come out alive of that war, they had learnt some hard lessons. One was never too powerful to need friends. It was their luck that they had found the company of someone with similar interests and passions, someone who did not shy away from their more ferocious side, but did not treat them like some animal either. A man who could see them for what they were, a mixture of many, a multifaceted leviathan who could bring harm or fortune to those smart enough to use them wisely. And how Voldemort proved to be smart enough, perhaps even too smart for their liking. It was rare they had to stay on guard, yet be too sweet-talked and ensnared to remind themself of that. He knew how to offer them enough information to keep them around, but never so much that he outlived his use to them. He kept himself a few steps ahead, and they are both aware and complacent with this. He’s made too compelling an argument with that silver tongue of his, to ever have them drifting or losing interest. So they wait for him, even when he disappears on his own agenda. Knowing better than to ask him where he has been when he returns. Had he wanted them to know, surely they would have been granted the right to accompany him. After all, even the most vicious dogs swore loyalty to those who kept them well fed. And the young man knew precisely how to sate their appetite. The doors quiet groan is what alerts them to the fact that he has returned. As the sun starts to sink low enough to be engulfed by the horizon. Vanishing in brilliant oranges and reds, painting the room in vivid saffrons. Such colours catch upon the vipers porcelain skin, flesh white as snow now used as a canvas under the suns fleeting rays. Warm hues faintly reflected where their night kimono slips lazily down their shoulder. Ivory arms, collar and legs bared to gentle but flame like colours panting their figure. Perched on the stone window arch, gazing down from their godlike view at the forests hundreds of feet below. Not timid of the fall, but admiring the height. Admiring the newness, truly reborn in this moment, when they gaze at things they have never seen before. Their fingers had been idly combing through raven black hair, until eager eyes move instead to the sound of his return. He is greeted instantly by their light smile, one that so quickly loses its tenderness when the edges of fangs can be seen. They slip gracefully from the windowsill they had been seated at, to meet him at his side. To scan his eyes and body for anything that may signal trouble. Whether he had run in to any, they don’t know. They do know however, that if he had, he had handled it as usual, and returned to them unscathed. “I did as you asked,” they say, a tome left upon the desk. What knowledge lies within the weighted book they do not know, they can not decipher its meaning despite being fully capable of reading it. Too inexperienced in this world to understand the gibberish of spells, foreign creatures, lands and names. But he had asked for it, so they had provided. In full anticipation to have their efforts rewarded, and having exercised all the patience they had within themself simply waiting for his return, “will you show it me then? One of the forbidden curses those lesser wizards keep muttering about?” They live for these lessons, thrive under his instruction, his tutoring. Magic is a power that is not within their veins, much like the muggles of this world. Yet unlike those muggles, they are not completely without something special, the chakra they harbor enabling them to produce attacks monstrous in its own regards, something so very similar to witchcraft. They follow him to the small coffee table, finding their seat beside him on the couch, listening to each word from his mouth and watching the artifact he draws out. A wand. And they watch next as the little demonstration begins, as his simple command has the summoned snake, courtesy of Orochimaru, suddenly wrapped under mind control. It is so effortless, so tasteful, so immediate. While the conjured snake is a loyal companion to Orochimaru, and would do their bidding without question, it now has lost all ability to do just that. Imperio. Far more sophisticated than the mind control those in the vipers realm are capable of. They are in awe instantly, enamored by the demonstrated power, enamored by how he makes it look second nature. How within a moment of his attention, with a single breathed command, this venomous and lethal summon is his new play thing. Golden eyes shift to the man when he speaks, inquisitive eyes following his every movement. “Magic... I imagine such a word is interchangeable with power, is it not?” they reply, leaning against him now, giving in to their tactile nature. They watch the snake innocently obey each command, as they rest their head against Tom’s shoulder. Too comfortable perhaps, around the charming man. A man who has even lulled the infamously distrustful serpent in to deeming him their home, their place of refuge. Not because they mistake his power as anything less than it is, but because they are hellbent on surrounding themself with any and all power - if not from their own sylphlike body, then instead they would content themself being beside his. They draw their hand lightly down to run their fingertips over his wand, to feel the texture curiously, an elegant motion before their hand brushes over his arm a moment to be gathered back to their person, “... the magic of this world, can it be mine?” With their summon finally having its free will returned, the reptile makes its way over to the two humans. Ever so complacent with what had happened, seeing no difference in the requested duty of killing on command, or being puppeted a moment. A bronze body lazily slips away from the small table it had been perched on, sliding instead to creep up the coach and languidly lace itself around and over the laps of the wizard and shinobi. Their hand moves to brush over its scaled body next, “there are those born without magic in this realm, I have seen them. Have none ever tried to get it regardless? Have any ever succeeded?” A more cunning smile replaces their previous one now, as they lift their head from his shoulder ever so slightly, to instead correct a tassel of dark brown hair, “you shall mark the first king to never die, and be the founder of a realm indomitable,” they say, golden eyes meeting his umber pair, ensnared instantly by the intelligence so clearly living there, their gaze against his the contrast of the pale yellow moon meeting the midnight sky, “for as long as I am permitted at your side,  I will make it so, and you will want for nothing my dear Lord,” they place a hand to his shoulder now to get to their feet, to saunter across the room and fix them both a drink, even the alcohol a rather differing taste here for them. They lean on the table a moment to watch him, to inspect his reactions before offering him his drink and a more tamed smile.  “I do hope I have sworn myself to a generous king.”

[onceabluemoonwrites]

By the Power of the Moon

Title: By the Power of the Moon

Author: OnceABlueMoon 

Rating: G

Pairing: Sailor Moon & Sawada Tsunayoshi

Tags/Warnings: None

Prompt: Sun day: shocking reveals for @khrrarepairweek

Summary: Sailor Moon is in town! Too bad he has curly sideburns.

Inspired by zurre’s artwork on twitter!

AO3 link

The day is hot, the sun shining down in hot waves, the streets nearly deserted. Everybody’s hiding in the shade at home, sitting beside their fans in their workplaces, or, in the case of Namimori Chuu’s pupils, just leaving the school. The warmth makes them lazy and lethargic. Where there would normally be some natural chattering, there is now only silence.

And outcry breaks it.

‘’Sailor Moon is in town!’’

It’s Ryohei. He’s run to town and back already in the time that the others had put on their outside shoes. Tsuna sighs, and contemplates how he can slip into the crowd and avoid this whole debacle-to-be because he knows his friends. He sees an opening as the crowd starts to talk about the outburst, but Gokudera suddenly has an iron grip on his shoulder. ‘’Juudaime,’’ he hisses, ‘’Sailor Moon! That’s almost as cool as an UMA!’’

‘’Oni-chan!’’ Kyoko rushes forward, clutching her brother’s arm, her eyes sparkling. ‘’Really, Sailor Moon?’’

Hana reluctantly follows her, as Gokudera drags both Tsuna and Yamamoto closer to the happening.

‘’Uhuh!’’ Now the siblings are just enthusiastically nodding at each other.

Tsuna likes Kyoko-chan, he really does… But sometimes he wonders what her parents are like, to have produced two children like this, before he decides he really, really doesn’t want to know.

Hana raises a sceptical eyebrow. ‘’Doesn’t Sailor Moon live in, like, Tokyo? That’s a long way from here, Sasagawa.’’

Gokudera clears his throat. ‘’Technically, we don’t know where Sailor Moon lives, but yes, she generally appears in the Tokyo area. Azabu-Juban has the most sightings.’’

Hana levelled with him a look. ‘’You follow a Sailor Moon sightings site too, now?’’

Gokudera turned red but kept his nose in the air. ‘’So what?!’’

Tsuna, refraining from pinching his nose bridge, gets between them before it can escalate. ‘’Guys, please. What do you even want to do about this?’’

Haru pops up behind the Sasagawa siblings, nearly giving Tsuna a heart attack. ‘’HIEEEEEE!’’ Clutching his chest, he tries to calm down. ‘’Where did YOU come from?’’

‘’Haru came from the gate, desu!’’

Gokudera narrowed his eyes at her. ‘’You, woman. I’m pretty sure you actually use some kind of teleportation, most likely tied to Sasagawa junior’s shadow.’’

Haru scowls. ‘’That’s not Haru’s point, desu! Haru thinks we should search for Sailor Moon! Haru wants to show her Haru’s Sailor Venus cosplay!’’

Hana, always seeing an opportunities to get rid of the people around her, immediately grabs Kyoko, shoves her under one arm and Haru under the other and says: ‘’Great idea! We’re pairing up and looking for her! I’m with Kyoko and Haru! Keep your phone on hand to call the rest of us if you find her!’’ And they’re gone.

Tsuna is honestly kind of jealous of her ability to just… nope out of everything around her.

Ryohei grabs a protesting Gokudera and is also off, leaving Tsuna with Yamamoto. All things considered, Yamamoto is probably the most fun person to do this with, because he’s not likely to take it seriously. At all.

On cue, Yamamoto starts to laugh and says: ‘’Let’s go then, Tsuna! We can’t let them beat us as the find-Sailor-Moon game!’’

Tsuna can’t help but smile a little as they walk into town. His friends might be a crazy bunch, but they’re his crazy bunch.

~~

When Ryohei and Gokudera find Sailor Moon, they don’t text. They don’t call. No, instead Ryohei unearths a bellow from his gut, unearths it from somewhere so deep inside there, that they hear it on the other side of town. Gokudera’s cry is only a few decibels below that, but considerably more high-pitched.

Yamamoto, upon hearing it, immediately starts to run towards it, forever ready to be amused by Gokudera’s mercurial moods. Tsuna can’t help but laugh at the eager glint in his eyes, quickly following.

When they arrive at the scene of the crime, they find Gokudera fanning himself, sitting down and leaning against the fountain, Ryohei doing jumping jacks beside him.

‘’I am,’’ he says, sweat rolling down his face, ‘’EXTREMELY pumped up!’’

‘’We saw,’’ Gokudera pauses, face red, as if to build up suspense, ‘’SAILOR MOON!’’ He swoons a little.

‘’Woah!’’ Ryohei supports his back. ‘’Please don’t faint again, Octopus-head!’’

Gokudera glares up at him. ‘’It’s that I have this autograph from her here that I need to protect with my LIFE, or I would definitely punch you for that!’’

Ryohei gestures at him to come closer. ‘’Please do, Octopus-head! The boxing club can always use more members! Throw the best punch you have at me!’’

Gokudera scowls. ‘’Did you listen to a single word I just said that did not contain the word ‘’punch’’?’’

Ryohei just shadow boxes at him. Tsuna is about fifty per cent sure that he’s just doing it to wind Gokudera up at this point, but he’s not going to point that little factoid out. He’d like to be able to sleep tonight without having to put headphones on because there were explosions all around town as Gokudera kept pursuing Ryohei.

‘’So,’’ he says, because contrary to popular belief, he does have tricks to distract his friends, even if controlling his rambunctious bunch is a pipe dream. ‘’You guys saw Sailor Moon?’’

Gokudera nods. ‘’She was so beautiful. Like you wouldn’t believe, Juudaime! Her shiny blonde hair, her tiara, her keen sense of justice…’’ Then he frowns. ‘’She was a little smaller than I thought she’d be, but I suppose only seeing her on camera would do that…’’

Tsuna’s phone vibrates in his pocket, so while Yamamoto pokes fun at Gokudera, he checks his texts. ‘’Yamamoto, quit winding him up! If you want a chance to see Sailor Moon, Haru just texted me they found her three streets over! Apparently, she’s giving a concert!’’

‘’Hop on the Onii-chan express!’’ Ryohei bellows, before grabbing all three of them, and taking off. Gokudera, under his left arm, is cursing. On top of his shoulders, Yamamoto is laughing, madly and unholy, like the heathen he is. Tsuna, under his right arm, is pretty much crying. Why are they like this?!

As they get closer, they can actually hear Sailor Moon’s voice. It’s very high and slightly squeaky. Vaguely familiar, too, but Tsuna’s seen her on tv enough that that’s probably just because she’s on the news so frequently. Everybody loves a magical girl, after all. Tsuna’s own mom is still pretty disappointed that he wasn’t a girl with magical girl potential. No, Tsuna got the magic mafia powers. God damn it.

Ah, there they are. Sailor Moon is on top of a building, singing her heart out to a J-pop song. The crowd below her is waving their hands along with it. There seems to be a spotlight on her. Tsuna has no idea where she got that, nor how it is even effective on such a bright sunny day. He spots Haru, Kyoko and Hana in the crowd, swaying along, arms entwined. Even Hana has a big smile on her face. The sight of it makes something inside Tsuna’s chest soften, slowly warming up his whole body.

Smiling, he looks up at Sailor Moon. She is indeed smaller than she looks on television, but that’s probably because she’s standing on a building and they are standing in the street below it. Her blonde hair does gleam in her weird, unnatural spotlights, and Tsuna’s eyes glide up over her popular sailor suit to her green tiara with eyes.

Wait- what?! Green tiara with eyes?! It couldn’t be- no, Leon wouldn’t.

Tsuna clenches his fists. Oh no. Whenever one thinks ‘’Leon wouldn’t,’’ they always, always have to take into account that Reborn would. Stomach filled with dread, he forces himself to look at the side of Sailor Moon’s face, and yes, there they are. The curly sideburns.

The entirety of Namimori came out into the sweltering summer heat to see Reborn perform in Sailor Moon cosplay. He facepalms. Maybe he could sink into the floor or something and Reborn wouldn’t notice? Maybe he could pretend not to know him or something.

‘’Wow!’’ Ryohei shouts. ‘’A TV crew! Extremely awesome! We might be on TV along with Sailor Moon!’’

No, Tsuna starts crying. His shame will be immortalized.

~~

‘’Hey, that’s not me!’’ Staring at the TV in her living room back in Tokyo, Tsukino Usagi gapes.

‘Sailor Moon spotted in Namimori, giving a J-Pop concert!’ the headline below the footage reads.

Beside her on the couch, Luna meows. ‘’Duh! You don’t sing nearly that well.’’

Usagi’s offended screech is heard by exactly no one, except her little brother, who is hiding in his room and pretending she does not exist out of sheer embarrassment.

Many, many miles away, Tsuna feels a strange kinship for someone he has never met, and probably never will meet.

It will remain a mystery, to all those below the moon, for many years to come.  

[throughscreendoors]

new year

I keep a written journal but also want to pick up the writing here this year, because God knows I write enough for other people and so rarely for myself.

On 12/20/20, I wrote an entry in my real journal inspired by the many videos I’d seen on TikTok about the Great Conjunction and how energetically significant it was. I’ll be totally honest that I did very little research about what the Great Conjunction even is and why it is so significant, but a quick search shows it’s the conjunction or visual alignment of Jupiter and Saturn as visible from the Earth. (After a further search just now, these conjunctions happen once every 20 years, though this one is particularly significant to astrologers because it signifies the beginning of a 150-year long cycle of Jupiter-Saturn conjunctions appearing in air signs rather than earth signs).

I want to learn more about astronomy this year and also about the history of astrology, which is difficult to pin down since it’s become so Westernized and commodified, but I suspect it has an interesting philosophical and spiritual history. At any rate, of a mind that you will never know all the energies and influences that affect you, and that being of a piece with the universe and it’s many elements, that these kinds of alignments could produce changes I’m unaware of—movement of the moon affects human behavior, and sun spots and solar radiation affect us as well, so why not something like this (of which I understand very little)?

Either way, I’m also of a mind that you can seize any excuse to be more present or intentional in life, and that by being that way you program yourself and motivate yourself more towards your goals. You’ll never find me in a state of not needing something shifted in life, and I’m not all the way off the fence on the new age stuff (which is a diplomatic way of saying I suspect some of it works). So I figured why not? Why not write a bunch of intentions and directions for the next year down and see what I can accomplish for having done that?

This is partly a warm up for the kind of thinking encouraged in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, which I hope to make my third attempt at this year (and to finish this time!). The book encourages being looser and more freewheeling, less self-censoring, so consider this that. It also invites creatives to ask for what they want, and to write their own prayers to get it. This is kind of like that.

I’ve since tried to do some more goals and resolutions for the year, so I’ll combine the two and share here for even more transparency and accountability. In short, here are the things I’m bringing in throughout 2021 and beyond:

$200,000 a year in revenue from writing business (I initially wrote $250k and then today aimed lower at $150k, so will split the difference here)

quit drinking until I lose my quarantine weight (or else pay my girlfriend an exorbitant sum of money for failing to meet my goal—I will not fail here)

stop working and taking meetings before 10 am (to claim the morning back for myself)

to the end of the above, create professional work signature stating my hours (between 10am-6pm M-F, not on weekends—move phone away from the bed and get natural light alarm clock by bed to help this)

morning routine to include: morning pages, exercise, meditation, breathwork

within exercise: focus on strength training

collect 100 rejection slips from editors, journals and publications (and spike them proudly somewhere prominent on my desk)

5 published poems in good journals

1 published essay in a good publication or on a good website

successful balance of art and business in my life

deep inner peace

deep rootedness and gratitude

abundant energy and focus

calm, centered confidence

growth and wisdom

attracting the highest good

bringing in a new community and paradigm

deep meaning, love and connectedness

profound magic and physical transformation

What I’m leaving behind in 2020 is:

fear, anxiety and self-doubt -> banished

meaningless work

aimlessness             poverty           selfishness

disconnection          distrust           envy

I open my heart as an artist and let the highest light shine through me.

Like a prism, I focus divine energy to a burning focus point to destroy evil, cast out darkness and manifest light, excellence and abundant grace.

Where I go is calm, present love and gratitude. Before me is excitement, energy, love, warmth and life-changing connection.

I bring my highest self to bear on all things.

Everything my hands touch turns to light.

I will realize and make my dreams live through my works.

All the above are true in deep gratitude and acceptance before the universe. As energy shifts, I embrace it with grace and gratitude.

Before complex problems, I find elegant solutions with patience and grace. Before me, all unfolds as it should and in my favor. Deepest truth now and always.

Editor and published poet, essayist, short story writer, screenwriter, novelist.

[rosesnink]

The Cursed Heiress, Chapter 3: Consequences

A/N: This took longer than expected to publish! But it’s here and I hope you guys enjoy it! 

Summary: While Joanna experiments the courtly life, a dark force threatens her life. 

Previously: Prologue Chapter I Chapter II  

TW: Some violence. 

Word Count: 3861 

The day Joanna woke up, she looked at her fingers. She knew what happened: she was getting attached to a human, and soon, all she worked for would be gone. Forever.

If Elias taught her something, it was that everything came with a price. Even for half-bloods. That was living between two worlds. Two different legacies. Two ways of living.

She sighed as the clock ticked it was now dawn. She got dressed with her witch habit: high-heeled boots, a skirt with leather leggings, a short corset and a tailcoat that fitted her just fine. She descended the stairs where she embraced Elias fraternally: his gray eyes, his white, long hair and his dressing of the Tudor era with his headpiece, showing his role in the Circle.

“Elias, at long last. We don’t have much time before the Countess calls me upon the other ladies”

“Leave that to me. Now, follow me. I found a perfect spot for us”

The field was near a ruined castle, all the yellow and amber tones.

She looked at Elias and saluted him. Then, they faced each other, waiting for one of them to strike. Her staff was tight and magical, and his was but a simple staff. She decided to start it. She ran upon him and jumped high, preparing the strike and the accompanied spell. Elias barely dodged it, but it hit him. He striked and she blocked, sometimes dodging a high and low attack, her eyes never leaving Elias. He got her extremities blocked, but she casted a spell that sent him flying across the field and jumped with a backflip and grabbed his neck.

“How about we slow time so we can perfectly do this?”

“Anything to avoid sewing”

They both grabbed their arms and casted a slow time spell, and when everything went slow, they stared at each other.

“Again?”

“Though you’d never ask”

She threw away her staff and guarded herself, following Elias’s lead. He jumped high, and so did she, a protection spell on her. They both collapsed, but Joanna’s side won and she fell on the top of him, rolling across the field. They both jumped up and Joanna dodged a punch and kicked high, kicking him in the chin, gave him a left crochet, dodging his jab and attacking with a swing. She hitted him with a right jab and a needle, dodging his left crochet and kicking him in the ribs, then on the knee and casting a spell that threw him to the floor.

He laughed “Nice job, kid. I guess you’re improving”

“Guess? I am improving”

“Oh yeah?”

She smirked at him and helped him up and then casted a spell “Ventures” And sent him flying across the forest!

She ran for him in a minute and catched him in the Edgewater gardens, a proud smile on his face “Ha! Should’ve seen that coming”  

“You should, yes”

She helped him get up and brushed off the dirt and mud off his clothes. They walked across the estate, casting protection spells and warning of when someone with bad intentions, human or not, came in and out of the estate.

“You should really prepare yourself for the sewing circle. My power lasts that much, alas, I have matters to attend”

Joanna sighed as she nodded, a pained expression on her face.

“May I?”

“You must”

With a blink, he disappeared.

It was a nice day in the Royal Court of the faeries. Lamrian was all gold and glory, and the man hesitated before coming in. Once in the throne room, he bowed down the monarchs.

“Lord Elric. Lady Thalissa. I’m glad that you acceded to meet with me. Is your son well?”

“Tialo is just fine”

“But what do you want?”

“As you know, a half-blood lives among us. She’s half witch, half human.”

“We know. She seems harmless.”

“But you forget that she carries an important duty and that her birth means a big change in all our species”

“What do you mean?” Lord Elric seemed confused.

“She’s very powerful, my lord. So powerful it might mean the unification of all of us… or a real destruction of the supernatural world. And she’s getting close to a real darkness and I know who it is.”

“What do you suggest, then?”

“The same I suggested to the Alpha of the London pack and King Gaius… destroy the girl before her power increases. And the magician who is corrupting her”

As Joanna ran across the halls of the estate, damning Elias for a good breakfast before sewing circle, she could already hear the women’s giggles and conversations. She made a last sprint… slamming the door open and panting. She recovered her shape quickly and bowed in greet.

“Morning ladies. Countess Henrietta. A thousand apologies in my delay to our meeting, but my tutor insisted on a benefitting breakfast after some arduous lessons. However, that’s not excuse”

Some women were there. Miss Sutton. The Masked. A black woman with a rather dashing port. Countess Henrietta.

“We were wondering if you were too ashamed of showing up, but do join us!”

“Hmmph, lateness on sewing circle is unladylike-“

“That is a matter that you can discuss with my tutor and the earl since the agreement is between them, since you seem to have a say on my activities”

The Countess glared at her and watched instead her embroidery. She snorted “Your mother is a seamstress and yet you lack of an ability of sewing”

“It wasn’t in my raising activities, I’m afraid” But I can surely crack your skull like a wood stick.  

“Ahem, Lady Joanna, I see you haven’t been properly introduced to the ladies! This is Miss Donna Bowman” She whispered to her low, but Joanna’s impressive hearing did the job anyways “She’s the earl’s bastard, remember?”

“Ohhhhh, I see now!” She turned her attention to her with a smile as fake as her whole I Am A Respectable Woman dress. “It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Lady Joanna!”

Call me bastard again and I’ll rip off your curls and make of them food for poltergeists, you rich scum “The pleasure is all mine”

“And this is Miss Annabelle Parsons of Hazelvale Manor” Continued Miss Sutton.

She took a look at her and smiled warmly “Pray tell, this is the beauty I’ve tampled the other day?”

Miss Parsons blushed at the compliment but stayed still on her composture.

“I am, indeed. Pleased to finally meet you, my lady”

She could see there was a major reason why she seemed different to other people, other ladies. But she wasn’t quite sure. But she’ll find out surely. She thought of what Elias told her about the mortal women: they were taught to find a husband, compete against each other and live for men. Joanna found that absurd. Why live for such a weak sex? Not that Joanna hated men, just most of them were quite manageable, manipulative and easy to control. Her mother didn’t even need to use the charm spell or a love potion. She just had to adjust her corset, unbutton a simple button, bat eyelashes and smile innocently and that man was at her mercy and command. The majority thinks about power, glory and make of women their instrument to produce heirs and keep their useless lives going on after they were ashes. Things weren’t like that.

In this world, kids were made nonstop, armies of them and all were sun and the moon, marrying them off with strangers with temporal money and glory, and women were sold off to old and rich lechers who had seven mistresses and carried bastards around the country. They gambled, smoked, fornicated nonsense and made money in the most stupid way. But she had to say, that Harriette Wilson mortal was giving them a lesson and she was there for it.

She looked again to her companions, sewing and talking, not noticing she had spaced out… At least most of them, for Miss Parsons was staring at her curiously. She looked at her back and arched an eyebrow “Trying to guess what’s on my mind?” She nodded “Any success yet?”

“Not at all, my lady. You’re an absolute enigma”

“At least I look good?” She teased her, leaning closer to her, a smirk on her face.

“I won’t deny it”

“I take this is your awful routine. Giggling ladies, talking about tasteless buffoons called men and sip tea?”

Annabelle chuckled “It’s not always that bad, but your presence makes it quite amusing”

“Oh, I try, but apparently it’s not proper, but why should I lose my sleep for some idiots who assume things that aren’t true at all to explain themselves some senseless things?” Joanna declared, observing some of the ladies.

“You have truly made up your mind about nobility”

“Miss Parsons, Lady Joanna, what’s that you’re talking about? It seems interesting enough to increase your voice and let us have part in it” Countess Henrietta said.

“Yes! Maybe I do have something to apport in this conversation!” Miss Sutton continued “I hate to be left out”

Even if Joanna wished to shut their mouths with a flock of her wrist, she contained herself and made up a well-rehearsed smile “Apologies, ladies. You all seemed so in your own world that I didn’t mean to impose. Miss Parsons and I were just getting along”

“Oh! We’d love to get along with you too! Don’t we, ladies?”

Please say no

“We do!”

She was about to say something when Elias busted into the room, looking worried. He scanned the room until he found Joanna and looked at her “Mills, emergency. Code Raines. Gather your things. Now”

Joanna’s breath catches as she remembers the Code Raines: Adrian Raines was one of Gaius’s soldiers and that meant he had brought some of his army to destroy despair and bloodshed all because he could. She excused herself to the ladies as an ‘important matter that couldn’t go supervised without her’ and she left a fire message to her father to stay safe and close the Edgewater manor until it were safe to open them. She jumped out of her bedroom’s window and charged her rifle with bullets full of holy water and her staff, a present of the high Colonel, that was touched by Angel Miguel. A caress of this and it could melt a vampire, but not kill it. She wasn’t like Gaius Sociopath Agustine. She checked the gardens and the surroundings of the manor. She felt a tap on the back and prepared a punch to the person. It was Elias.

“I’ll check out the other places, you defend your father’s manor”

She nodded as she held her staff tight, looking for any signal of a vampire. She looked around, and with a snap of her fingers, she was in a witch’s armor and with a few more weapons. She was about to inform Elias that it was all a scare when she heard a snap! And Gaius, Adrian all covered so the sun wouldn’t harm him and Kamilah Sayeed bursted out of the shadow.

“There you are, you sons of bitches”

She showed her staff as the vampires showed their weapons and ran straight at her, but she dodged two of them and saw Elias and another creature on her line defense. She found herself face-to-face with Adrian, a growl on his face “We’re here to kill you”.

“Good luck with that, fella” And she striked, dodging his attacks and striking as fast and efficiently as she could, using also her body as a weapon. She’ll stab him with the staff later. She dodged a punch and threw a high kick and then she hitted lower, making him lose balance. They rolled down the gardens and Adrian hurled her out of her grasp and she landed elegantly on her feet, her eyes now amber. She growled as she jumped high and kicked him in several places of the head and landed on her back and rapidly landed on her feet again, dodging another attack and kicked him hard in the chin and twirled her leg to kick him in the jaw, grabbed his attacking arm and twisting it, using now his body in pain to make a deadly spin all over his body and hurling him to the lake, where the bad-tempered ducks seemed positively offended by the intruder’s entrance. She got him out with magic and saw the perfect moment and ran, flexed her knees and jumped as high as she could to then fall like a rapid meteor, stabbing the holy staff on his ankle, making him screech of pain! She kicked him in the knee and broke three of his ribs as she saw how the vampire monarchs started to see the intensity of the sun and retired. She smirked at Gaius as he carried his creation and ran off, screaming that this wasn’t over.

“Anyone else who volunteers to kill me? No? Great, I need refreshments”

“Nice job, kid. You managed him just fine”

“I have a pretty good tutor”

They embraced as she yelled “It’s safe now, Father!”

The ladies busted out of the manor, perplexed. Countess Henrietta glared at her “What have you done?!”

“Countess Henrietta, considering that I saved all your asses for a big disaster and being some bad creature’s dinner, you should show me some respect or your corpse would now belong to some cult fanatics. De nada”

She heard the chuckling of Elias and her father and the giggles of the ladies as she winked at Henrietta and wiped off Adrian’s blood and headed to the mansion. She could feel all the looks on her as she changed and went to the drawing room, all the other ladies following her, expectant of what she’d tell them of the screams and sounds of battle outside. But she had already lied to countless mortals about this. She knew what to say and do to make them believe. Empty lies, sighs, a little of illusion magic on her skin and some occasional charm spell to fulfill the mortal’s constant and annoying curiosity.

“What happened outside, my lady? The earl was pretty distressed when you went outside and the staff locked us in! We couldn’t see a thing!” Ah, Elias, you smart bastard “We only saw shadows moving and then, something jumped high in the air and we heard the scream! It was unhuman!” Miss Sutton said.

“There were some rabid animals that we had to take care of and one of those happened to be a boar, so I attacked it in the air. A simple jump and a little scratch to scare him off, nothing else. We secured the houses in case it tried to attack someone else”

“And the third man?” Miss Bowman asked

“Some friendly backup that was passing by and jumped to help us”

“This is ortageous! Women who fight and take care of a man’s matter and with the help of some white-haired freak?”

She looked straight at Henrietta and the spell started to work on “I know your son could’ve managed it just fine, but he is unfamiliar with rabid animals and could’ve gotten hurt easily, alas me and Elias, who is an expert on these terms and have taught me everything I know, handled worst situations and made it safely. It was all precaution. And the screech was a boar I hurt badly to scare off, you know how these beasts are. You got it clear now?”

Countess Henrietta muttered against her will “I g-got it”

She smiled content “Good! Now, Miss Parsons, how are you so well acquainted with my family?”

Joanna walked through the outsides of the estate as she was engrossed by a big essay by Mary Wollstonecraft titled A Vindication of the Rights of Womans: with Strictures on Political and Moral Subjects. All she said and pointed did had a point and it was better explained than a man could never explain. She passed a chapter as she heard a familiar neigh. She smiled delightedly as she saw Clover and Mr. Harper walking around.

“Hey stranger. Clover”

“Reading a book, I see.” His eyes went wide in curiosity “A forbidden one, I see. Aren’t you afraid that they’ll catch you?”

She smirked at him “Not quite. I happen to be smarter than those brute buffoons. And how’s my beautiful Clover?” She neighed in happiness and she chuckled in delight “I’m glad that you’re alright. And you, Mr. Harper?”

“I’m quite good, taking a walk with Clover so she can breathe fresh air. Right, girl?”

The horse nuzzled her head against Mr. Harper and he petted her head.

“I heard that hours ago you took care of some rabid animals and injured one badly. I’d ask you if you’re alright but you’re unscratched and allow me the boldness, also radiant” Mr. Harper observed.

“Well, it was quite troubling. That boar was big and fast, but nothing I never mismanaged before”

“I’m glad that you’re safe and in one piece. I was concerned about your well-being”

Clover neighed in protest and Mr. Harper chuckled “I’m sorry. We were concerned about your well-being”

“It’s very sweet of both of you to care, but I can take care of myself just fine” Joanna chuckled.

“As much as I enjoy this conversation, I should get going” Luke sighed.

“Don’t let me stop you. I was about to go visit the forest anyways. See you around!”

She turned back where she was going but, in the way, she found her father.

“I see that you and Mr. Harper are getting along” He beamed

“Ah, yes, I find him a delightful company”

“I can see why. We’ve only had him for a year and yet I cannot imagine how the estate was without him”

Even if he was smiling, something seemed to be on his mind.

“Is everything alright, papa?”.

“Yes, it is. I was just trying to find the ideal words to tell you this: in a matter of days, I’ll host a garden party in honor to you and introduce you to society”

“Truly? It wasn’t necessary, Father!”

“I do think it is. I want everyone I know to see who is my daughter!”

She cupped his face in her hands and whispered “You know you have nothing to prove to them, right? Nor I”

“I know, but think about this as a friendly gathering to meet new people and-“

“Please don’t say new romance or I’ll hurl myself to the sun”

He laughed at his daughter’s disgust and squeezed her back “I wasn’t going to say that… exactly. Now, how was Henrietta in the sewing circle? I hope she wasn’t too cruel on you”

“Ah, where to begin…”

She was preparing for bed with Briar when she heard a knock on her door. Joanna looked at her body in her bath and with her view she saw her grandmother’s shape and opened the door with a movement of her finger. Briar curtsied and left them two in the room.

“Is this visit about the garden party?” She asked as her fingers underwater boiled the water and looked at her quizzically.

“It is and I happen to have the most wonderful news!”

She arched an eyebrow as she asked herself to read her mind or let her. She talked again before she could even decide “I just got confirmed that the Duke Tristan of Karlington is coming to your garden party!”

“And that’s good because…?”

“He wants to meet you, obviously! Isn’t it great?”

How could it not be a stupid, probably old man who had a meaningless title came to meet her and compete to have her hand in marriage great? It was utterly stupid. In the Circle, she’d surely be whoever she wanted without a man who followed her day and night. Or a person at all.

“I guess” She shrugged as she got up of her bath and grabbed a towel and started cleaning herself “But be frank with me, Lady Grandmother, how old is he?”

“He isn’t so old! He’s, like, 51 I think-“

“Pass”

The Dowager Countess seemed horrorized “My dear, don’t be so severe on him! In my opinion he is an agreeable gentleman and he has a title, lots of money and impressive lands!”

She turned her head on her and dropped the towel as she looked at her grandmother “Is that all you think about? Sell me off with an old lecher with money that won’t last, a meaningless title that will die in a matter of years and stupid lands? Where’s the longing, the passion, the mutual respect and my opinion on this matter? I don’t even want this life, I just want to be there with my father, not whoring myself to men who will never see me as their equal and losing contact with all I love! I cannot afford love, Lady Grandmother! I-I can’t!”

She digged her long nails in her palms as she breathed and steadied herself “I will not live to serve a man. I hate the idea of marrying for wealth and power and give a stranger unwanted children and endure that I will never be anything else but someone’s wife! I wasn’t raised like that”

Her grandmother was in shock as she processed all she said. Then, she collected herself as she pressed her palm to her shoulder, a little compassion on her eyes “I know you come for a different culture, but you’re now here and this is the only way to ensure a future. I know you don’t want it, but not all men are horrible: Mr. Sinclaire is a very respected gentleman, Mr. Chambers is surely a breath of fresh air and Viscount Westonly can be quite amusing with his hearing problems. We’re humans, we’re flawless, but I surely know you’ll find a man that will love you or grow to and knowing him, living with him, loving him will be the greatest of all adventures. In fact, let’s make a pact”

“Hm. I do love pacts”

“You’ll meet all of them and spend time with them, and if within a year you still think they’re all, ahem, tasteless buffoons as you say, we will not mention marriage and we will see an alternative to make of the Edgewater state a still good state.”

After a few minutes of cavilating, she nodded and shook hands with her grandmother “We have a deal. Now tell me how you court in here and what I’m about to endure, I need to know the territory”

“I was fearing that you wouldn’t be at all interested! Allow me to explain you the art of the fan”

And with that, they talked about boys and fans and courtship until the hour grew late. Joanna repeated to herself ‘Play their game, make them fall for you, but never fall for them’. Yes, that’d be her plan. And no one will ruin it. She won’t make the mistake of her mother. History wouldn’t repeat itself.  

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Tagging: @lorirwritesfanfic​  @missameliep and @hellospunkiebrewster​ @kamilahsqueen @marlcasters​ @mrsnazariowalker​ @amomentofsinclairity​ @princess-geek​ @lovemychoices​ @eiko-helena-kamilah-medusa​ @i-put-the-sin-in-sinclaire​ 

[sapphicoftheworld]

Okay so I wrote a short story. It’s got some elements of Southern Gothic lit, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it that because that’s just not my writing style. It’s about 2k words so I’ll put just a few sentences above the cut :) 

         The vase of sunflowers that sat on the kitchen table were the center of attention. No mind should be paid to the anemic meat on the counter. Yes, it's fresh, but very insignificant. Even the honeycomb and two halves of a pomegranate, which are to be paired with the meat, are all the more intriguing. They are fresh from the backyard and cultivated to perfection, specifically for this occasion.

And do not at all worry about the bleeding skull in the back. If one were to look closely, it is possible one would find the skull with gold dripping down from the top, much like a vanilla ice cream cone dipped in chocolate, that was in dire need of jaw surgery. Of course its original owner had no use for it anymore, so I suppose it could go without the surgical procedure, but there is something undignified about a skull with a broken jaw, especially if that jaw were splattered with blood. Naturally that blood would match that of the painfully boring meat on the counter; for it would be silly for one to think there would be two different types of blood in the kitchen at the same time. 

       But nevermind those insanely boring details; the real star of the show, as I've said before, are the sunflowers. They lay beautifully in a glass vase in the center of the table, looking absolutely stunning. Almost in full bloom, perhaps this evening or the morrow’s morn will they peak, with the most dazzling, deep golden yellow hue. Strong luscious petals balanced gently but firmly with a sturdy center of deep brown. The seeds these flowers produced made the most wonderful yet distinguishable treat. They grew in a small field just a stone’s throw from the back porch. It was about twenty feet by twenty feet and when the conditions were just right, could rear about 100 plants if all survived. Growing no less than six feet tall, they tower over everyone, creating the most magical place to escape to. A place where one is untouchable; immune and separated from all outside unpleasantries. The world could go up in flames and I’d be none the wiser in the sunflower field. In here the air feels crisper and the sun warmer. It’s as if all of one’s problems and all that is unjust in the world has floated away to some other reality. 

       Today was just like every other day--nothing out of the ordinary and utterly pedestrian. The weather was pleasant enough so one could sit outside with a glass of lemonade (or a Bellini if one is feeling particularly cheeky) and not worry about blisters on one's skin. Inside, the kitchen fan mildly spun about, revolution after revolution, which was sufficient enough to keep flies off the meat and skull. There’s something uncanny about the flies here; they seem rather attracted to blood. This is strikingly peculiar because there are rather quite a few around here. And that is clearly rather mad, for why would any noticeable trace of blood be here? 

       Ah but nevermind the matter; the glory days of complete comprehension and understanding are long past. Furthermore, Mrs. Ignara was at the door now. I knew it was her before she knocked; she had a way of fixing herself up as to be presentable before interacting with anyone. Why, I’m perplexed myself, because she is the most put together woman I know; everything about her seems to exude this attitude of “I am a woman who is functioning at a level that is admirable yet unachievable; you wish and strive to be where I am but you know you could not handle a day in my life”. I think I may be in love with her, but then again most everyone who sees her falls in love with her; yet I do feel as if we share some sort of unspoken bond. Hmm. No matter what is true and what is real, I appreciate and covet her companionship.

       As I walked over to the front door, there was a hint of unfamiliarity in the air. This would have struck me as odd, but one can never be prepared for everything life throws at oneself, and not knowing what lies ahead is exciting anyways. The thrill of being blind.

       Blindness itself is not exhilarating, rather quite melancholy instead. Unable to experience the little joys of life: the joy on someone’s face as they’re given something mind and body numbing; the life leaving their eyes and draining from their body. The absolute power of being in control. 

       At the front door stood Mrs. Ignara, looking perfectly exquisite and holding a nice bottle of white wine with lobsters on the label, and next to her someone I had never met before. A man of perhaps ordinary height and firm but subtle build. He wore light brown slacks and a rosy button down shirt that had tiny crustaceans on it, only visible to those who looked closely. His right arm leaned on the frame of the door, very nonchalant but with a note of desperation, and his other hand rested gently on his side.

       “Hey howdy hey there stranger,” Mrs. Ignara said. “Care for some company and wine?”

       I smiled at the proposal. “Won’t say no to a good time.”

       “This here handsome thing is Jude. You’ll like him. He’s,” she paused to glance over at him, “cool.”

       “Hello,” Jude said. “I’m delighted to be joining you today.”

       “Ah well the pleasure is all mine,” I say, leading them into the kitchen. “Have a seat while I grab some glasses.”

       Mrs. Ignara and Jude sat down across from one another on the far end of the table opposite the kitchen sink. Grabbing the nice glasses from the corner cabinet, I turn to face my guests. The view was remarkable. A long, slender dining table of the finest maple trees fitted with three hideous floral chairs on each side and one at each head. They were upholstered with a wretched canvas fabric, a smothering of blue flowers of various shades and variety that exudes nausea and insanity, supported by shiny silver metal frames. Two guests sat at the end, one of whom I knew absolutely nothing and the other I desperately longed to know. And of course, for who could ever forget, the sunflowers in the vase on the table at the center of attention. My pride and joy. If I saw the view in front of me every day, forever, I would remember this time. I brought forth the glasses and easily poured the wine.

       “I hope you don’t mind I made lunch. It’s impossible to know what everyone likes, but I’ve never failed with bass. They’re fresh from the lake in the back.” I left my company for a second and returned with two plates of fried fish. 

       “My, my, why aren’t you handy in the kitchen,” Mrs. Ignara said playfully. 

       “Oh, you charmer,” I said blushing. 

       “Won’t you join us?” Jude asked.

       I waited for a moment, contemplating my response. He seems the right type.

       “While I do apologize for not being the most courteous host, I am quite content from breakfast and have a most intensive dinner planned,” I gestured to the back counter where the dull, soulless meat lay. “I know it may not look like much, but I am talented with a knife and skillet.”

       Jude looked behind me at the meat and honeycomb and pomegranates. For a moment there I thought I saw the slightest inclination of terror in his eyes, but it must have been the light because it was gone before I could be certain. This, whatever it was, lingered in the back of my mind, not my central point of focus but not so deep I couldn’t recall it. His eyes flicked back to my own and smiled at me knowingly. 

       “You have been nothing but delightful,” he said. “I can only imagine what wonders you can create.”

       “That is awfully kind of you to say of me. Would the two of you care to join me in a stroll through the sunflower field? It really is rather quite magical and wondrous.”

       “Oh! I would love nothing else!” said Mrs. Ignara.

       “Fantastic. And you, Jude?”

       “Thank you very much for the kind invitation, but I must decline; I’m not very fond of enclosed spaces and much prefer to be indoors.”

       “You, my dear, will be missing out, but that is how life goes. Feel free to open any bottle of red wine up. Top shelf is the sweetest, middle the sharpest, and bottom the richest.”

      With that, Mrs. Ignara and I left the kitchen and headed out to the backyard. We walked together in identical stride, passing the beehives on the left and the pomegranate trees on the right. Just before entering the sunflower field, Mrs. Ignara and I stopped for a moment. She looked to me for reassurance and I gave her a gentle nod of encouragement. Taking my hand, she and I stepped into the sunflowers. Immediately, I felt more relaxed. My lungs breathed clearer air and my skin felt warmer sun. The weight of whatever had haunted and plagued me was released from my shoulders. Mrs. Ignara squeezed my hand and I remembered where I was. The look on her face was pure ecstasy. She radiated elation and was the embodiment of joy. I have never seen such beauty. We laughed and spun about without fear of perception. Falling gently to the ground, we laid next to one another with a pleasant sigh. She looked over at me with an expression of bliss I had not seen in many moons. There was something about her that made me feel safe.

      “What is it?” She asked, sensing something was wrong.

      “What is what?” 

      “In your face, there is delight but in your eyes, there’s a note of hesitation.”

      “You know me so well,” I said. “I love it in here. It’s a magical place with deep, strong, true feelings.”

      “But?”

      “But it doesn’t last forever. What is true is not always real.”

      “Hey,” she whispered softly, bringing me in close. “We don’t get to decide what is true, but we have the power to choose what is real.” She touched her forehead to mine and we closed our eyes for a moment, then two. 

      When I opened my eyes on the third moment, Mrs. Ignara stood above me offering her hand. I graciously took it and we walked out of the sunflower field together, hand in hand. My knees felt like they had buckled when I took my first step out of the sunflower field. Evening had been birthed during the few minutes Mrs. Ignara and I spent with the sunflowers; the light of the world had almost dwindled away completely. We moved in identical stride to where we had previously been before, only to find something peculiar. 

      On the floor in front of the table where we sat not too long ago, laid an unfamiliar body. It had on a dark navy, long sleeve shirt and black slacks, both of which looked damp. Upon its head was a thick mound of matted brown hair. A thick pool of red had begun to seep from underneath the body, slowly spreading across the floor. I bent down and dipped my finger in the red. It was a warm, dark color. Slowly I brought my finger to my mouth, it tasted sharp and metallic, but was distracted by the sound of footsteps in the kitchen. As I stood up, the red dripped from my knees where I knelt down and had coated my hand. What I saw had brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart: Jude stood at the head of the table that was made of the finest maple trees. He held a plate in his hands, identical to those which had been placed on the table for Mrs. Ignara and myself opposite one another. They all had three rare cuts of newly inspired meat paired with a honey and pomegranate glaze. Next to each plate was a glass of red wine. The hideous floral chairs had become all the more pleasant, the supple canvas fabric had turned the loveliest shade of violet, and the multitude of flowers radiated euphoria. 

      I looked at Mrs. Ignara, then at Jude and melted. She and I walked to our designated seats on either side of him and sat down. 

      “Everything went alright?” I asked.

      “Yes, very much so. Although, I do have to apologize for the mess; you see, as I was bringing a bottle of red from the middle shelf to the counter to pour a glass, it slipped right out of my hands and smashed to the floor.”

      “Well isn’t this special,” Mrs. Ignara said, placing her napkin in her lap.

      “Every meal deserves attention and devotion. Let’s have a toast,” said Jude lifting his wine glass. Mrs. Ignara and I followed suit. “To this meal, and all that contributed to it.”

      We all gently clinked our glasses with one another and drank. As I went to set my rich red down, something in the kitchen caught my eye. What the back counter lacked in banal meat, honeycomb, and pomegranate seeds, it made up for with two skulls--one with gold dripping down the sides and a broken, blood spattered jaw; the other with a deep crimson stain, originating from the left superior temporal line and spreading outward. It was quite the satisfying sight. 

      In front of me, however, was much more impressive. Two guests sat with me, one of whom I had loved at first sight and the other I was learning to love. And of course, for how could they go unmentioned, were the elegant sunflowers in a case at the center of the table and the center of attention. At the peak of bloom, they set the mood for the rest of the night.