#I am taking this Friday off work and I couldn't be more excited

[heestoleurgirl]

sim jaeyun 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ in which riki broke up with you, leaving you devastated and depressed. that is, until you get drunk on a night out, and somehow find yourself in his best friend's bed.

genre: angst, smut (pwp) pairing: ex's best friend!jake x fem!reader warnings: smut, MDNI!! wc: 5k

A/N: why am i writing jake smut, im not even jake biased

masterlist 𖤐.ᐟ

21 days. 21 days since your boyfriend, riki, broke up with you. everyone said it would get easier to deal with over time, and you knew they were right, but you still felt like shit every hour of every single day.

anywhere you looked, you'd just get reminded of him and have flashes of unwanted memories in your mind. it felt like absolute torture. yes, this had been your first serious relationship and you loved him so much, of course you were upset (to say the least).

the worst part was that you still saw him every now and then on campus, which only made your heart ache more. especially when he happened to be around his girl friends. you knew it was just irrational jealousy but that didn't stop you from getting nauseous at the sight.

જ⁀➴ more under the cut!

one thing was for certain: you couldn't keep going like this, you were extremely exhausted from feeling so miserable 24/7. crying all the time was getting old, and rotting in bed forever didn't seem like a good long term solution. so, you had a totally mature and genius idea that would definitely not make things worse in any way. there was a house party being hosted by someone you knew, it would be the perfect place to get drunk and forget about your ex. even if it's just for one night.

your friends had already been nagging you to go, knowing your current state and how you barely left your house unless it was absolutely necessary. they were worried for you and missed your radiant aura. minhee was convinced she'd find you a hot guy that would help you move on. yeah, you knew that wouldn't work as simple as that, it wasn't easy to simply forget someone you loved with your whole heart and dated for quite a while. but at least you could give it a try, right?

♡

fast forward to friday, you sat on the carpet in front of the body length mirror in your room, attempting to do your makeup. truth be told, it's been a while since you made yourself look so glamorous, which made it all the more difficult to get ready. every fibre of your being was screaming at you to just stay home and cry yourself to sleep while watching rom coms. but you pushed through, forcing yourself to stay on track with your plans and also not let down your friends who were there for you.

the faint sound of a honk broke you out of your thoughts, causing you to grab your belongings and waddle down the stairs in a dress that was shorter than you were comfortable with. your friend karina had gotten it for you a while ago, and you felt bad for never wearing it since then.

"looking good y/nnie!" minhee smirked and jokingly whistled as you managed to navigate yourself in to the passenger seat of her car.

all you could do was roll your eyes and playfully nudge her shoulder. "shut up"

she wiggled her brows in response before shifting gears and taking off to pick the other girls up too. you'd be lying if you said you weren't nervous about tonight, and feeling some form of regret. you could only pray and hope that riki wouldn't be there, or you'd definitely drown yourself in the pool without a second thought.

following your excited and chatty friends up the stairs felt strangely like walking towards your impending doom. you stuck close to minhee, who unsurprisingly immediately made her way to the drinks. not like you minded, because there was no way you were surviving this night without any alcohol.

the unknown mix of drinks burned your throat as you swallowed it, not really bothering to be sensible. before you knew it, you were on the dance floor with your friends, laughing and singing along to the songs blasting from the speakers. even if it was due to the alcohol, finally having a smile on your face was really refreshing. karina seemed to notice, who flashed you a grin and tugged you closer as the two of you were dancing like there was no tomorrow.

as the night went on, you gradually lost yourself to the alcohol that was now buzzing in your veins. you didn't feel like yourself at all, but in the best way possible. anyone would be able to tell that you were completely out of it by now.

you had no idea where your friends had disappeared off to, and somehow you found yourself not caring. while you were busy pushing past people with no particular destination in mind, you accidentally bumped into someone.

"woopsies, silly me!" you giggled drunkenly, looking up to see who it was. your heart did a backflip when you managed to recognize the face staring back at you.

"no worries darling." you knew that aussie accent way too well. standing right in front of you was jake, riki's best friend. honestly you were just relieved that it wasn't riki himself.

"oh, hi jake." you stumbled a bit and grabbed onto his arm for support. he merely looked down at you in amusement, finding the blush on your cheek quite cute. his eyebrow shot up subtly, eyeing the revealing dress that was definitely out of chatacter for you. despite that, you looked undeniably gorgeous like always.

jake's hand moved to your waist casually, acting as a stabilizer so you wouldn't fall over. normally, you would've felt awkward in a situation like this, but now you weren't even phased.

"you look like you've had one too many drinks, hm?" he leaned closer to speak, so you'd hear him over the loud music. your hands instinctively tightened around his arm.

"i-i'm fine..." you mumbled stubbornly, even though it was obvious you were close to collapsing right there on the spot.

"are you here alone? where are your friends?" if you were sober, you definitely wouldn't have missed the slight concern laced with his voice.

"uhmm... i dunno!" you grinned sheepishly at him, still pressed against his arm. "i think they ditched me"

you had no idea when or how you lost them, so his guess was as good as yours. "i was just about to leave anyway. can't leave a pretty thing like you drunk and alone"

before you knew it, jake was dragging you out of the party along with him. you weren't exactly sure what was going on, but even in your state you knew that you trusted him. after all, he was your ex's best friend, you'd known him for a while.

♡

jake guided you into his bedroom, sitting you down on his bed and looking down at you, as if contemplating something. now that you were actually here, in his apartment, he wasn't sure if this was the right decision. but what else could he do, leave you at the party when you were completely shitfaced? absolutely not.

he kneeled down in front of you and carefully took one of your legs in his hand, removing your heel with the upmost precision. the other one was discarded too, letting your feet feel relieved from being squished together all night.

you were quiet now, past your drunken giggling and just zoning out, having no clue where you were. he almost laughed at the sight. he'd never seen you so vulnerable and adorable.

"stay here, i'll bring you some water" he stood up and disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes. true to his words, he returned with the water in one hand, and a pill in the other.

you watched with glossy eyes as he sat down next to you and gently guided the glass to your lips. you obeyed, feeling refreshed by the cold liquid. he gave you the pill next, urging you to swallow it. "this will make your headache more bearable tomorrow"

a quiet hum left your lips as you followed his instructions, then set the glass aside on his nightstand. your movements were still uncoordinated and messy, making him chuckle.

"you tired, pretty?" jake examined your droopy eyes, you looked so cute he had to hold himself back from smothering you in affection.

the first time jake saw you, he had felt starstruck. if he could go back in time, he definitely wouldn't have fumbled you so bad. he was a coward, he waited too long and suddenly you were dating his best friend. despite all his attempts to get rid of his attraction towards you, nothing seemed to work in his favour. you were quite literally the only girl he couldn't have, and ironically enough also the only one he wanted. but of course, he was respectful of your relationship with riki and was good at hiding his feelings towards you, he'd never let his jealousy be the reason he fell out with his best friend.

so here you were, sitting in his bed, drunk off your ass and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out why you'd drink so much. he wasn't sure how riki would react if he knew the situation he was in right now. he chose to push that thought aside and focus on you.

when you didn't answer his question, he spoke again, "you can sleep in my clothes, yeah?"

you nodded and stood up, letting him help you make your way to the bathroom. As he was closing the door, he added one more thing. "if you need any help, just shout for me."

it was quite difficult to get your dress off, but you managed somehow. all your limbs felt weak and heavy, and you were still disoriented, though you were able to change without falling over or breaking anything. jake's shirt swallowed your small frame comfortably, and you smiled faintly at the smell of his cologne lingering on the fabric. your mind was a jumbled mess of feelings as you returned, seeing him scrolling his phone, also in a more comfortable set of clothes.

he looked up and smirked at you, his eyes shamelessly travelling down your body as he took in the sight of you. to him, you'd never looked hotter. the combination of your messy hair and his shirt stopping by your mid-thighs was enough to make his head spin. he had to remind himself that you were drunk, and no matter how badly he wanted you he couldn't take advantage of you in this state.

seeing him pat a spot on the bed, you didn't need much convincing to climb under the covers and rest your head on a pillow. once again, you were welcomed with his scent, causing you to feel strangely comforted.

jake stood up and gave you one last look, making sure you were laid on your side so you wouldn't accidentally hurt yourself by choking on your tongue.

"where are you going?" you asked tiredly, opening your eyes to see him by the door of his bedroom.

"i'm sleeping on the couch." he raised a brow, surprised to see you sit up in the bed after just getting comfortable. your next words made him wonder if he was hallucinating.

"come back, i don't want to be alone"

your quiet, pleading voice was simply impossible to resist. how could he say no, when you were looking at him with literal puppy eyes? he sighed, and following a moment of hesitation he climbed into bed next to you. it's not like he didn't want to sleep next to you, god he would give anything to experience this. but he wasn't sure how long he could control himself when you were in his bed, looking like an angel.

for a few minutes, the room was filled with heavy silence as the two of you simply stared at each other. you admired his face, the dim lighting only adding to the tension slowly filling the air. you'd never really noticed just how pretty he was before. his round, brown eyes seemed so welcoming.

"jake..." you almost whispered his name, with nothing specific in mind. you just wanted to end the silence between you, it felt too tense.

"hm?" his eyes never left yours, studying your face as if you were the most interesting thing in the world. the longer you looked at him, the more your heart seemed to race.

"i... i don't know"

"what's wrong?" jake studied your glossy eyes, wondering why you were suddenly acting so emotional. his heart clenched at the sight of you nearly crying. he longed to pull you close and kiss you until you were smiling again.

"i don't know, i just..." you struggled to find words to express how you felt, especially with the alcohol still lingering in your system. there was so much you wanted to say, but you knew better than to break down in his bed when he'd been kind enough to bring you home with him safely. "...i don't wanna be alone. i hate the silence, i hate feeling everything and nothing at the same time i-"

suddenly you felt his finger wiping a stray tear from your cheek, one you haven't even noticed falling. there it was, that familiar heavy feeling in your heart. the one you were so sick of feeling, all you wanted was for it to go away.

you didn't really think before scooting over and hugging jake's larger frame. your face was buried in his neck, a good way to hide your tears as well as your embarrassment. his warmth felt intoxicating and you clutched his shirt like you were afraid he'd disappear.

jake didn't hesitate to welcome your hug and return it, he was more than happy to be your shoulder to cry on. seeing you in such a state made him realize just how emotionally drained you'd been since the breakup happened, he silently cursed riki for not taking care of you properly.

you felt like this was the first time someone had properly hugged you in weeks, which didn't help the overflowing emotions you were already experiencing. you clinged to him as if he was your lifeline, your only hope. there was no way you could explain the way his entire presence and embrace was more comforting than anything you'd felt in a while.

maybe you were delusional, but being in his arms like this made you feel all the more attracted to him. letting your guard down was something you rarely ever did, even with your most trusted friends. yet here you were, silently crying in jake's bed and confessing how lonely you felt as of late. it felt so intimate to be vulnerable around him.

"it's okay, you're not alone. i'm here, yeah?" he murmured against your hair, rubbing your back gently in an attempt to calm you down. if he wasn't paying attention, he would've missed the subtle nod of your head.

"i'm sorry. please don't leave." you whispered, sliding your hands under his shirt to feel the bare skin of his back that was practically radiating heat.

your touch caught him off guard and he almost hissed at the contact, his arms tightened around your waist. "i'm not going anywhere darling, and you have nothing to be sorry for. you've been through a lot and you just need some love"

yeah, you did need love. you felt guilty, a part of you still yearned for it to be riki who gave you the love you wanted so badly. but he was gone now, no matter how much you cried over it the past won't change. the more rational part of your brain was constantly urging you to move on and accept the fact that riki doesn't love you anymore. you swore the mixed emotions were going to drive you insane, if they haven't already.

but right now, even if it wasn't what you wanted, jake was what you needed. if only you knew the true extent of how much he cared for you.

jake's hands paused against your back when he felt the soft press of your lips against his neck. it surprised him so much that he couldn't help but wonder if he was imagining things. but no, he felt it yet again. "fuck, angel... don't do that" he struggled to speak properly.

"why not?" you pulled away a bit to examine his face, searching for signs of any discomfort, or maybe disgust. you just wanted to shower him in affection to show him how grateful you felt to be here with him right now. to be able to sleep in his bed and cry in his arms to your heart's extent.

he wasn't sure how to explain the reason he didn't want you to kiss him right now, and you were completely oblivious to his internal struggle.

"you're still tipsy, and emotional..." jake brushed a strand of hair away from your cheek, "i'm not going to take advantage of your state." he was being so sweet to you, it was almost annoying. yes, you were still not entirely sober but you couldn't deny the overwhelming urge to be... close to him.

so instead of replying, you leaned closer and pecked his cheek, causing jake to groan aloud. how could he possibly restrain himself when the girl he was whipped for was acting like this? he cupped your jaw with one hand and pulled your face closer, placing his lips onto yours with one swift motion.

your eyes fluttered shut and you kissed back as if you had done this a million times before. it felt so natural, and you were becoming lightheaded from how perfectly your lips felt against each other. previously you'd been worried that kissing someone would feel wrong, and you thought you'd imagine you were kissing riki instead, but right now there wasn't a single thought about him in your mind. all you could focus on was how good it was.

jake felt like he was losing his mind more every second he continued to kiss you. he didn't care how needy he might be coming off, cause fuck he'd wanted to this for months. never in a million years did he anticipate it would actually happen, in this context no less.

the kiss grew more heated as you moved your hands from his back to feel up his defined abs, relishing how supple and warm his skin was. at the same time, jake had a hand cupping your cheek, while the other one slid down to your waist, dipping under the shirt you were wearing. the feeling of your bare skin under his fingertips was absolutely euphoric. safe to say, neither of you were thinking about how right or wrong this might be at the moment. all your thoughts were out the window and you were entirely immersed in his company.

he didn't hesitate for a second when he realized you were tugging at the hem of his shirt, silently demanding its removal. the t-shirt was tossed aside, landing somewhere on the floor of his bedroom. your eyes widened as you were met with the sight of his bare upper body, you had to hold yourself back from practically drooling at the view. jake noticed your lustful gaze and couldn't help but smirk to himself. he pulled you closer and kissed you briefly before whispering in your ear lowly, "your turn."

he didn't leave you time to respond, tugging your shirt over your head. the action made you blush a bit, but you lifted your arms to help him remove the item of clothing. faint goosebumps littered your skin due to the sudden loss of heat, mixed with the tension in the air.

your hands landed on his chest, you took a moment to look into his eyes before inching closer and placing your lips on his for the nth time. the passion was halted for a moment, leaving room for the kiss to be more timid and soft. it didn't last for long though, soon enough it turned needy once again.

jake sat up without warning and pulled you into his lap snugly by your waist. your legs landed on either side of his thighs as you made yourself comfortable and wrapped your arms around his neck. his half lidded eyes and lazy grin made your heart skip a beat. for a second you felt stunned, an overwhelming sense of need filled you. he didn't miss the way your gaze travelled down his bare body once again, it sent a strange kind of satisfaction through him.

his lips found their way down from your jaw to your neck, peppering it with soft kisses. a quiet groan left his throat as you thread your fingers through his dark brown hair. the playful kisses turned into gentle nips and bites, jake couldn't resist leaving a few pretty marks along your porcelain skin.

your hushed gasp was a contrast to the mostly quiet atmosphere as his hands had somehow ended up squeezing your backside. the action caused you to arch your back instinctively, making you grind against him.

"fuck." he whispered, gently guiding your hips in his lap. the slight friction was intoxicating.

"jake..." his name left your mouth in a quiet whisper as you leaned your forehead on his shoulder, letting your urges get the best of you.

"i know, baby" his hands slid lower to caress your inner thighs tenderly. he tried not to moan as his hips pushed upward involuntary, amplifying the friction between you, while his boxers were becoming increasingly tight as his arousal strained against the fabric.

your lips found his once more, you were getting more desperate by the second and your mind was consumed purely with need for him. the material of his sweatpants felt soft under your fingers as you tugged subtly.

jake's breath hitched and his resolve crumbled almost immediately. he was a gone man, there was no going back now. breaking the kiss and muttering a quiet curse, he shoved his sweats and boxers down his hips in one swift motion. the rest was kicked off carelessly, leaving him completely bare under you. his hard length stood heavy against his stomach, flushed and leaking.

the sight made you want to faint on the spot, you had been so caught up chasing your lust and now it all felt real. you were still hovering on your knees, having lifted your hips to let him remove his remaining clothes.

but jake didn't plan on waiting around while you admired his erection, in a quick motion he flipped you over, pushing you against the pillows as he hovered above you. the view he had right now was almost enough to make him cum on the spot: you laid beneath him, sprawled out with messy hair and slightly swollen lips. not to mention some red marks he's left on your neck earlier (they definitely weren't the last either).

"you're so gorgeous, it's unfair."

before you knew it, he was kissing your shoulder, distracting you from the way his hand slid under your lacy panties. the gasp that left your lips was enough to let him know that you were surprised to feel his finger trail along your folds. god you were so wet he groaned out loud, opting to suck on your neck to keep himself quiet.

your arms darted to wrap around his neck once more as you felt him slide a finger into you. a broken moan left your lips, you bucked your hips into his hand, wanting to feel more of him.

"fuck, pretty, you're soaked" he murmured, his voice somewhat strained as he held himself back from shoving himself in fully and fucking you until you passed out.

"jake-" you couldn't speak properly even if you tried, especially not when another finger was pushed into you with ease. it was completely out of your control how your walls clenched around his diligently working fingers. "please..."

he could tell you were growing impatient and he knew exactly what you were asking for. as much as he longed to tease you and make you squirm under him as much as possible, his own arousal was consuming him whole.

after a few more pumps of his fingers, he pulled them out, earning a quiet whimper from you. he couldn't hold back a smirk, there was nothing that turned him on more than seeing you all desperate and needy for him, like you'd die if he didn't fill you up immediately. jake was pretty sure he'd never been as hard as he was right now in his entire life.

your panties were practically ripped off, not that you minded because that was the least of your concerns at the moment. you were completely focused on how jake grabbed your thighs and nudged them apart to position himself at your entrance.

he rubbed his tip against your aching clit, coating himself in your wetness and teasing you at the same time. "is this what you need doll? want me to fill you up?" he asked, his voice was low and laced with desire even with the obvious rhetorical question. he nudged inside, not giving you the full length yet as he moved his hands all over your body.

"yes! please jake, i need you" you whined shamelessly in response, tugging him closer with your hands on his back. there was no room for embarrassment, especially when you knew how much he was getting off from your begging.

he grunted in satisfaction at your response, pushing inside slowly until his hips pressed against yours. your gummy walls were tight and inviting, sucking him in with no effort. if jake thought he was close to losing it completely earlier, he was not ready for this moment. his entire body was tingling, senses heightened yet his brain completely gone, unable to form coherent thoughts.

"so good for me, i knew you could take it" he soothed your faint whimpers with a kiss on your forehead.

your eyes were glossy from the immense pleasure you felt with him just being buried to the hilt. the stretch was perfect, he filled you up perfectly without causing any pain.

after a moment of panting and moans, jake started to rock his hips, thrusting into you slowly. he wasn't sure how long he'd last with you being so perfect for him in every way.

"holy fuck..." he closed his eyes for a moment, desperate to keep himself together in favour of your pleasure and comfort. your soft moans and gasps didn't help his case one bit.

you couldn't stay quiet even if you tried, he was bringing you so much euphoria you swore you would explode. your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as he sped up his movements, pushing as deep as possible. "fuck, jake..."

"so vocal for me" he hummed against your ear, his breath tickling your skin and giving you goosebumps yet again, only heightening the growing pleasure. as he continued to thrust into you, his hand left your waist to grap one or your hands and hold it down against the mattress, fingers intertwining naturally.

a sudden pain shot through his body in result of your nails digging into the skin of his back, altering between scratching and holding on. but the feeling only turned him on more, urging him to pound into you even faster.

"you're doing so well angel, shit" jake knew he wouldn't last much longer, so he was very relieved to feel you squirm and clench around his dick.

"it's so much..." you muttered between moans, your senses were flooded and overwhelmed by now. you swore you could see stars every time you felt his tip push against your cervix, his movements were painfully precise. "i'm close, jake"

you calling his name out so sweetly was music to his ears. he kissed your cheek and spoke in a strained voice yet again, "me too, you gonna come for me princess? hm?"

it was a miracle that you even lasted this long, your adamant nods were only seconds prior to you clamping down on him hard. a mix of a moan and grunt was heard from jake as he let go of your hand to wrap his arms around your waist instead.

with a few more sloppy thrusts, his climax was just behind yours. his hair was tugged and you squeezed your legs tightly as his hips jerked. you were filled up by ropes of his thick seed, making your eyes roll back from the pleasure completely and moan his name like a prayer.

both your bodies were moulded against each other, only disrupted occasionally with your light squirms. jake stroked your hair gently, holding onto you like he was afraid you would disappear. after a few peaceful moments, he carefully pulled out and grabbed a clean tissue to help you clean up.

once you were both under the cover again, he didn't waste any time to pull you against his chest. "i'm here, i won't leave." he whispered sweet reassurances to you, caressing any part of you he could reach. you practically melted into his arms completely, his presence was beyond comforting for your exhausted self.

you muttered against his warm skin quietly, "thank you"

"for what?" he smiled sweetly, even though you couldn't see his face. here you were, thanking him when you had been the one to give him the best experience he could ever ask for.

"taking care of me."

"i would never neglect my baby."

his words were enough to paint a soft smile onto your tired face. it didn't take long for you to drift into a peaceful sleep, especially when you were cuddled up to him so snugly. jake's heart swelled at how cute you looked in his arms. he couldn't ask for more, all he'd wanted was to take care of you and he finally got the chance, he wasn't going to hesitate or be a coward with you ever again.

a/n: so. i just wanted to try out writing smut but this is gonna be my first and last time because WTFF IS THIS LMAO

i'm sticking to smaus i can't write for the life of me

songs for this fic:

tags:@vivimura@s1rawb3rry@who-tf-soddhi@laurradoesloveu@p1hbrook@hoonielvv@nodoubtily@enhamonsterghoul@heebambilee@en-chantedtomeetyou@hsbae@jellyluv4eva@vivissection@beigerin@jwywife@elairah@heekilrvs@jayjw16enxp@lakoya@ijustreallylike2read@annovaz@strawberrynull@abbyeey@celestiai0@enhalxvr@llearlert@raizennloll@rizzmura@sabriochee@sol3chu@fluveriiez@kitty-won07@sucrosxi@kukkurookkoo@mimisxs@darquette@hhyvsstuff@lovelydeliciousfestival@luciathcv@bigwforjay@pshfan0812@lov4hoon@jaerisdiction@kireiinahana@abzyissupersleepy@madslove-enhypen@b3tt7boop@dodot04lover@ki2rins@sugarikiz ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ

[emeraldserenade]

So I’m a bit hooked on husband!Joaquin now 😶 could you write something a little angsty (they have an argument about Joaquin not checking in as consistently as he promised/wife working more to take her mind off of him being in danger all the time)? She tries to take off to get space and gets drunk at a bar and you can do what you would like next with the story. I’m just excited to see what you write ❤️❤️❤️

Check In ~ Joaquín Torres

synopsis: One argument, one creep at the bar, one apology, but two lovers

tw: fem!reader, husband!Joaquín, angst, reader gets harassed by creep at a bar, happy ending, barely edited.

fic, ficlet, drabble, request

Hi, Sid!! I'm glad someone else is just in love with husband!Joaquín as I am!!

➽──────────────❥

You knew what it meant when Joaquín asked you to marry him, it would be the same as now. You'd be worried about his safety and if he would even come back. But you loved him, you loved Joaquín so much that you said yes and married him anyway.

You hated fighting but Joaquín promised that he would call and check in more often than he was. You were even sure what was said, but you knew that Joaquín had to leave before the argument was over and could be resolved. So you threw yourself into work, you worked more and ignored when Joaquín would call to check in. You would only answer when you deemed it to be convenient or when you got back home.

✧°˖ . ݁˖︵‿❀‿︵˖ . ݁˖°✧

You were at the bar down the street from your work, you got off early that Friday and knew that Joaquín was probably waiting at home for you. You weren't ready to see him and go back to fighting, to having non constructive conversations. You knew you were drunk, not too much that you didn't know what was happening, but enough to no longer be as angry. That's when a man approached you, his smile too sharp and wide to be friendly. "What's a pretty lady like you doing alone?"

"I'm married," you slurred a bit and he laughed.

"Your husband doesn't have to know, he probably won't care. Why else would he leave such a pretty little lady like you all alone and drunk?" The man reached out to brush your hair off your shoulder and running down your chest before he rudely cupped your breast. You flinched back, you weren't sure what to say but thankfully you didn't have to.

"I do know and I do care," Joaquín's voice was soothing to you, even when you were upset with him. You looked over at him with glassy eyes, you wanted to throw yourself in his arms but you felt too dirty after how the man touched you. "I suggest you walk away from my wife before I do something I'd rather not have to," Joaquín raised his eye brow as he slowly stepped closer to the man.

"Whatever, man. She ain't that pretty anyway," he mumbled before walking off, you wanted to sob. The alcohol and emotions from the encounter making you overwhelmed.

"Come on, let's go home," Joaquín said, throwing money on the counter.

"I already paid," you mumbled but Joaquín didn't care, he was more worried about the tears running down your face. He frowned at the sight and made the mental note to ask in the car. "How'd you know I was here?"

"Sam was taking me home and I saw your car in the parking lot," Joaquín said, leading you to the car. You climbed into the passenger seat and slumped against the window. You didn't look at Joaquín when he got in and started the car, you just stared out the window and cried. You were almost home when you finally couldn't handle the silence.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for letting him touch me," you sobbed, your guilt eating you alive. "I didn't do anything but tell him I'm married. Maybe if I had said that I wasn't interested he wouldn't have-" Joaquín cut you off by harshly pulling into the driveway.

"No," Joaquín firmly said, turning to look at you. "No, this is not your fault, ok? He's the one that should be apologizing," Joaquín told you, his eye blazing.

"But," you wanted to argue but you didn't have the heart to continue. "Thank you for not being mad at me," you whispered, wrapping your arms around your middle as your insecurities started to get louder.

"Let's go inside," Joaquín sighed and you nodded, you were slowly getting more sober. You followed Joaquín into the house, your vision blurry as you cried. You sat down on the couch and stripped the shirt you were wearing off, it left you in nothing but your pants and bra.

"Will you let me burn that shirt?" You asked, scared to even wear it again. Joaquín said nothing as he sat down next to you, he held his hands out and you took them.

"Y/n, I'm not mad at you. I wasn't mad when I left and I'm not mad now. I know I said I'd check in when I could and I know I've been slacking on it. And I am so so sorry about that, but I am not mad," Joaquín said, looking you in the eyes so you could see the seriousness in them.

"I'm sorry for yelling," you whispered. "I'm sorry for not being more understanding about your check ins, I know you're a busy man," you sighed, your tears still flowing. "And I'm sorry for letting that man-" Joaquín cut you off with a gentle hand squeeze.

"You do not need to apologize for another man's actions, ok? I trust you and I know you wouldn't let that happen normally. I know you love me because you show me everyday, and because you married me," Joaquín said. You broke at his words and hugged him, burying your face in his neck as you sobbed a little more. "Do you want to shower? I'll make dinner and we can watch whatever movie you want," Joaquín offered and you nodded into his neck but made no move to leave his embrace. Joaquín wasn't going to force you to move, not until you were ready, but he knew he needed to actually have a conversation about how to fix his check in problem when you weren't drunk and your emotions were so high. For now, he would hold you while you soaked up the comfort before making you both dinner and curling up on the couch together.

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Masterlist | Requests If you want to be added to the tag list, follow the directions on my masterlist

[bluewxrld07]

Been Like This Pt. 4

Lando Norris X F!Reader

Summary: In which Y/N is scared to admit how she feels. Little did she know he felt the same way

Warning(s): smut, liiiight angst, choking if you squint

"I don't know which I'm more ready for. My bed or my shower," Y/N groans. "Or both."

Oscar laughs but nods in agreement as the entire crew got off of the jet, grabbing their things from the flight attendants.

"I can definitely say my bed because nothing is more excruciating than those damn hotel beds," Lando huffs as he silently thanks the employees. He throws his bags over his shoulders. Oscar points at him.

"Yeah no I second that. Those beds feel harder and harder each time I fall back into one. Damn near almost broke my own back crashing back into one after the race." he explains, making Y/N laugh as Lando groans.

"Oh mate I can feel that pain."

"Well you boys get home safely, I'm going to nap my life away until this weekend." Y/N salutes as she sets her bags into the car trunk.

Lando frowns. "What's this weekend?" he asks, making her look at him as if he has two heads.

"Dude you're kidding right?" she chuckles while looking at Oscar for help, who is just as confused as she is.

"It's Alexandra's birthday get together? Charles literally said to not forget it's on Friday." Y/N says in a 'duh' tone, Lando palming his forehead.

"Right right right, it's coming back to me I got it now," he whines. "I'm too tired for this. I'll just see you tomorrow and we will figure it out." he explains while heading to his car.

"We? Sir, I'm doing nothing but bed-rotting. I will not be getting up for any reason unless it is for takeout or to go to the bathroom." Y/N chuckles.

"Yeah I am with her on that," Oscar chuckles before waving to them both. "I'll see you guys Friday."

They bid the other racer goodbyes while Y/N huffs her final bag into the uber.

"Why don't you just let me take you home?" Lando announces, standing in front of his car. Y/N swats him off.

"You need to go home and sleep, I've got it. It's an extra trip for you," she says while thanking the chauffeur. She looks back at Lando. "Besides, you wouldn't be able to keep your hands to yourself on the way back. I don't have anything in me to fight it or receive it." she answers cheekily, watching his smirk widen.

"I would've done all the work," he says lowly with a wink before grabbing her by the waist and pulling her in for a hug.

"Go home and actually sleep, pretty girl. I'll talk to you later, yeah?" he says and she nods with a hum. He pulls back and looks at her as if he was debating on something, deciding to settle for kissing her forehead before walking back to his car.

Once she had gotten into her car as well, she was off and on her way home quickly. She couldn't wait to be in the comfort of her own bed, excited to get under the clean covers she had prepped exactly for this scenario.

The ride home was quiet as she stared out the window, finally letting her thoughts seep her into a deep daze while they drove. Her mind going back to moments with Lando. The moment that night when he told her she was all he wanted.

She had a hard time believing how true it might've been, or how much in the moment he was during that evening. Especially because he didn't seem to talk about it or show any changes in his ways around her the day after.

Almost as if what he said never happened. Which got her overthinking most times when she was able to sit for a minute.

Lando was the first and the only guy she had been as intimate as she had been with him, not sure why or how her body gave into him as much as it did. It was like he knew her body without ever actually taking the time to know it. Or know what she liked.

The way his hands had felt on her hips, her sides, her legs, her breasts. It was as if he wanted to treat her like she was a temple. A man starved of true touch.

His hands alone had been enough most days to make her thighs clench together.

Then again she had to remind herself of all the women he had been with, or he had talked about hooking up with. So he had the experience.

She knows she had appeared so confident in every interaction they had that became more intimate, but truthfully she had never felt so scared in her life. Being so intimate with someone like she was with Lando, was so scary for her.

Her thoughts kept trying to prepare her for the day that she finally admitted she was ready for him to fully take her, preparing for her to hear the words from his lips. Saying he wouldn't do such a thing because she was a virgin. She was pure.

He never got involved with virgins. They were too keen. Too inexperienced in his eyes.

Although she didn't know that he truly couldn't wait for her to ask him to deflower her for his own good. Because in that moment he would make sure she'd never know what it felt like to be fucked by another man.

He wouldn't give any man that chance.

She would never know that unless she asked. So Lando kept the thoughts to himself.

She sighs, knowing that what she had been told by Lewis should become truth. That this needs to stop before she falls too far and can't climb her way back up.

The only problem was that she was already past that point.

So she was screwed.

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Y/N jolted up out of her deep slumber to a loud banging on her door.

She immediately wiped her eyes and scurried out of her bedroom, her TV playing softly in the background. Not exactly remembering what time she passed out at, not that she was complaining.

The banging happened again, making her groan. "Yeah yeah I'm coming, give me a second," she announces while unlocking the door to open it.

Lando stood on the other side with his hoodie up, a pair of grey sweats adorning his legs while he was holding up a bag of food with a tired smile on his face. Her alarmed state turned into a glare before she turned back around to walk back to her bedroom.

"Well someone is just a happy camper this morning," he jokes, his own voice groggy and still filled with sleep as he shuts her door.

"Not when it sounds like the SWAT team is trying to break down my front door, no," she grumbles as the pair made it back into her bedroom, Y/N grabbing her phone to check the time.

She turns around and scowls at the boy. "You woke me up at seven in the morning? Seriously?" she whines, Lando giving her a sheepish look as he sets the bag of breakfast onto her nightstand. "I couldn't fully fall asleep, so now I'm here."

"Oh so now you need extra baggage to help you sleep huh? That baggage being me?" she chuckles lightly while throwing her arms up slowly as she stretched.

Lando chuckles before letting out a groan as he walks towards her. He places himself behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and tucked his head into the crook of her neck.

"Don't even start," he groans out, squeezing her sides. Her hands place themselves over his own, leaning her head back onto his shoulder and closing her eyes. "I'm so tired, and I can't even sleep in my own bed because you're not there. You know how ridiculous that sounds?" he scoffs, earning a nod and a hum from her.

"Yes yes I do."

He pinches her hips at her response, getting a squeal from her.

"You do that and you're going to be meeting the front door again."

"I know where you hide your extra key."

"I found a new spot."

His head shot up from her neck, his eyes squinting at her as she turned to look at him with amusement in her eyes.

"Liar."

She shook her head. "Nope. I decided you and Max use that privilege too much. So I hid it somewhere new."

"Oh I am going to find it," he whines, wrapping his arms around her tighter and placing a kiss behind her neck. "It doesn't take me long."

She leaves his embrace, causing him to groan at the loss of her touch as she goes to climb into bed. "Sure you will.'

Lando gives her a sideways stare before he crawls in next to her, immediately placing his figure fully over her own body while wrapping his arms around her.

"You're a terrible human being."

She hums while closing her eyes. "But yet you're here and cuddling me like I'm your favorite pillow."

"Okay fine I take it back," he says, sitting his head up to look down at her. She gives him a triumphant grin, her eyes still closed as she is feeling her tiredness creep back in.

"Do you know what you're gonna wear tomorrow night?" he asks, and she hook her head.

"I know she said classy and summery, but I have too many options that could play into that." she chuckles, Lando smiling down at her as she rubs over her face.

"Wear that papaya colored two-piece you got last year" he suggests. She peeks up at him. "Yeah so you can google me the whole night?"

He scoffs playfully. "Okay and? That's not the worst thing." he jokes, earning her sticking her tongue out playfully.

"No but on a serious note, you look beautiful in that color. It is very much something that makes your eyes pop especially." he explains, making her smile.

"I suppose I'll add that to my options then," she hums, closing her eyes once again.

Before Lando can think of his next move, his body reacts first and presses his lips softly onto hers.

At first she's alarmed and unsure of what to do, but the way he moves against her lips makes her kiss him back slowly. Lando groans out as he kisses her, this kiss feeling a bit more domestic than most kisses they've shared.

Her hand finds his cheek, caressing it softly before pulling away.

"No," Lando groans out, his forehead going against her own.

"We shouldn't, Lan."

"Why?"

Y/N ignores his question, placing a kiss on his nose before making herself comfy underneath his grasp and sigh in satisfaction. Instead of the boy arguing her, he decides that it can be a conversation for a later date as they were both exhausted.

He decides to lay his head on her chest and his hands stay wrapped around her waist, both of them slowly falling back into a deep slumber.

The food and TV on long forgotten.

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Lando was absolutely so in love with Y/N.

He was so in love and there was absolutely nothing that could deter his choice. His choice being her.

After their little moment the day before at her apartment, he had come to realize that he couldn't live with the fact of her being with anybody else. Much less looking at another man the way she looks at him.

It only confirmed it for him when his eyes couldn't stop staring at her as she walked outside onto the restaurant patio, wearing the two-piece he had suggested to her the day before.

It didn't help the fact that her body had grown more into its mature form, her curves more prominent in the snug maxi skirt she wore. Her breasts were sitting perfectly under the bandeau top. It was as if she was tempting him without actually tempting him.

Her hair was down in her natural beauty waves he had grown to love, her makeup natural with gold highlighter in the corners to make her eyes pop more than they did.

Oh he was so in love.

He watched as she excitedly wrapped Alexandra into a warm hug, handing a little gift bag as they broke apart and conversed more.

Lando was poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue, his knee was bouncing uncontrollably as his legs were manspread. His hands were in his lap as he began picking his nail beds, his eyes now watching over her possessively almost as she went to hug the other racers. They darkened especially when she went to hug Lewis, whose hands grabbed her lower than he would've liked to admit.

"If you stare any harder you might just actually kill the poor man," Charles' voice speaks out next to him, a laugh following when Lando snaps out of his daze.

"What d'you mean?" he asks, trying to play dumb knowing full well it won't work.

Charles chuckles more, patting Lando's shoulder. "You are so infatuated by the girl, you don't even see it."

Lando blows out a breath, his eyes giving it away as he takes a sip of his drink. "I doubt she thinks the same thing. She has been pushing me away."

Charles frowns. "Pushing how?"

He shrugs. "We kissed yesterday. When I went to kiss her again she told me we can't."

Charles rubs his hands over his face. "Mate, that's because she doesn't know how you feel. She's scared." he explains. Lando frowns and looks at Charles.

"What?"

He sits up straighter, turning fully towards Lando. "You said you two have been messing around a bit, yeah?"

He nods.

"There you have it. She's scared because she doesn't think you want more. So she's distancing herself to not get hurt." Charles finishes, making Lando look at him in slight shock.

"How'd you know that?"

He shrugs. "Girls talk, mate," he says taking a sip of his drink as well. "Alexandra spills all the tea to me."

Lando chuckles with him at that.

Before he can ask more, he feels a hand on his shoulder as a kiss is pressed to his cheek. "You keep picking at your nail beds, what's bugging you?" a soft and familiar voice says into his ear.

He relaxes as Y/N takes a seat next to him, his breath hitching seeing her now up close. She just looked so breathtaking.

"Lando?" she says, snapping out of his daze. She smiles at him in amusement.

"Hm?"

"You alright?" she asks slowly, her eyes darting to Charles who is watching Lando in amusement while trying to hold in his own laughter.

"Yeah," Lando hums, then nods slowly after. "Yeah I'm fine. Just got a lot going on in my mind at the moment."

She nods at him, giving him a playful pout. "Well no more picking at your nail beds. You play with my rings on my hand if you need to, yeah?" she assures, making him softly smile at her.

"Thank you," he chuckles, the girl nodding before the waiter comes up and asks what she would like to drink.

Lando's head snaps over to Charles, whom he sees is snickering and trying to hide it, smacking the boy in the chest. Charles puts his hands up in defense as he smiles in amusement.

"Just tell her how you feel mate," he says before nodding over towards Lewis. "Or you might have that one to deal with." he jokes, making Lando groan.

Once the rest of the crew arrives, everyone is sat together conversing, Lando can't help but let his knee begin to bounce again as his mind begins to overthink again. His gaze turned over towards Y/N, whose attention was facing Oscar and his girlfriend as they talked with her.

She had one elbow propped on the table with her fork in hand as she ate, the other one sat on her left thigh.

He thought over her words from earlier as he began to feel the need to pick at his nails, hesitating a little bit at first to grab her hand. He finally gets over his nerves, taking her hand into his own lap and using both of his hands to play with her rings.

His eyes go back over towards George and Charles' direction as they asked him something, his hands staying busy with her rings.

Her gaze turned to him as she felt his hands playing along her own, smiling softly as she watched him twist the metal on each of her fingers while he talked to his friends.

Her eyes leave his face and do a double-take when she sees Alexandra looking at her with a knowing grin, Y/N sheepishly shrugging. The girl just nods knowingly, standing up slowly.

Alexandra makes her way over to Y/N, grabbing both of her shoulders as she bent down to her level. "Come with me to the bathroom," she says, Y/N just nods.

She squeezes Lando's hand firmly as if saying she will be right back, standing up and following the model in front of her.

Once they reach the bathroom, Alexandra turns to her. "Are you going to tell him?" she starts, and Y/N groans.

"I don't know," she sighs. "He's said he doesn't do anything with virgins. What would make him want something? Much less date someone like me?"

Alex tilts her head with a sad look. "Sweetheart," she trails off, seeing the tears gloss over her friend's eyes. "He's so smitten by you. I can assure you that man cares more about loving you than if you've had sex or not."

Y/N runs a hand through her hair. "How do I even know he feels the same?" she asks, Alex nodding at that.

"Because of how he looks at you," she starts, placing her hands on both sides of her arms. "Especially with how he was eyeing you and Lewis earlier."

Her eyebrows furrow. "How do you mean?"

"He was ready to kill Lewis based off of the looks of it."

She rolls her eyes. "That's just Lando being protective because he knows how Lewis is."

"Nope, because as soon as you came to him his eyes were all full of love. He can't keep his attention away from you for more than five seconds."

Y/N huffs. "He could have anyone," she trails off. "He doesn't want a virgin."

Alexandra's eyes fall at her words, feeling pity running through her as she looks at how Y/N's eyes soften. "Y/N,"

"It's okay," she assures with a soft nod. "It's okay."

Alexandra just shakes her head, but before she can fight against it Y/N begins to head back to the door. "Come on, there's a cake that's calling your name." she chuckles, making Alexandra give her another knowing look before giving in and following.

Once they make it back to the table, Lando's eyes follow her until she is back in her seat next to him. She gives him a tightlipped smile as she sits down. "You alright?" he asks. She doesn't look at him, but nods as she tries to busy herself with a conversation with Max's girlfriend.

Lando frowns as he turns to look at Alexandra. She shrugs with a sad look. "I tried," is all she says, Lando sighing as he runs a hand through his hair.

As the night went on, he watched as Y/N tried to busy herself with talking to everyone but him. It was driving him absolutely insane.

They had all wandered their way to the rooftop of the restaurant where there was music, casual dancing and a mini-bar. She was leaning against the railing as she held her wine glass in both hands as she spoke with Alexandra.

"If you don't go make your move, mate, you never will," Lewis speaks up, causing his head to snap over to him. Lando scoffs, looking down at his drink.

"I don't know what you're on about," he says, earning a few tuts from Lewis.

"You do. And to make you feel better," he starts while clasping a hand over his shoulder. "She's just as into you as you are to her."

Lando frowns at him in shock. "How do you-"

"That night you saw her and I talking in the VIP section, she was talking about you."

Lando's heart stopped.

"She was saying how much she wished you would basically get your head out of your ass," he explains, making him almost choke on air. "I know she's been telling Alexandra that she also thinks you don't want her because she's not like all these other girls you've been with."

"Why the fuck would I want her to be like any of them?"

"Not like that," Lewis facepalms and shook his head. "She meant because she's a virgin mate. I didn't want to out her like that, but that's what she means."

Lando shook his head in confusion. "Why would she ever think that I wouldn't want her because she's a virgin?"

"Mate," Lewis trails off. "You've said it many times before that you wouldn't date people who are inexperienced."

He mentally slaps himself for that one. He leans his head back while letting out a groan. "Fuck that's not-" he groans once more.

"Oh I know that, but she doesn't."

Lewis points at the beautiful girl in front of them. Lando's heart beating faster as he watches her laugh at something Alex says.

"Get over yourself, and go tell her."

Lando nods, Lewis patting his back one more time before he begins to walk off. "If you don't I'm stealing her." he sings playfully, watching as Lando flicks him off.

Lando downs the rest of his drink before setting back on the car counter, soon walking over towards the girls.

Their eyes both snap over to him as he gets closer, Alex giving him a smirk knowing what he is here for while Y/N gives him a lightly buzzed kind of smile.

"There's my favorite boy," she says softly, Lando smiling happily back down at her. He wraps one hand around her waist while she lays her head on his chest, humming in satisfaction at the feeling.

He looks at Alex with raised brows. "How much has she had?"

She shrugs. "Not a lot, just a glass and a half. She's just in her lightly buzzed state." He nods.

Alex nods at him. "Don't break her heart, okay?" she asks, and he gives her a sad smile.

"I'd never dream of it."

With that she nods at him before going off to find Charles, Lando facing her figure that had her head on his chest while she peacefully looked out at the ocean view in front of them.

"How you feeling, pretty girl?"

She hums. "Pretty good," she says. "I'm not drunk. Just calm. It's what I needed."

He chuckles lightly, squeezing her into his embrace a bit more which she happily takes up.

"So, sweet boy," she starts off. "What brought you my way on this fine evening?" She chuckles playfully, taking a sip of her wine.

"I love you."

She froze, her head coming off of his chest to turn and look at him.

"What?" she asked softly. Lando wants to mentally slap himself in that moment. That was not his plan at all.

He rubs a hand over his face. "Shit," he chuckles. "I didn't mean to just outright say it. I had a whole thing I was going to start with."

She just stares at him with a confused look. "Lando, what's going on?" she asks softly.

He looks down at her with all the admiration in the world. "I'm so in love with you, Y/N," he admits. "I can't even begin to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I want to wake up next to you all the time or kiss you in public. Or hold your hand without people asking what we are, and they just know."

Her eyes soften the more he speaks. "I just want you. I want all of you."

She's quiet for a few moments, then looks down at her heels. "Even if I'm not as experienced?" her voice quiet and tiny, making his heart squeeze and his chest tighten at her words.

Lando takes this moment to place his hands on both sides of her jawline, having her look up at him. He sees some tears glossing over her eyes, and that instantly makes him wanna hide her away and show her how much he wanted her. How much he needed her.

"I could not give less of a shit if you were or weren't," he says. "When I said things like that, that was before I actually grew a brain."

That makes her chuckle. "Yeah, you weren't the brightest."

"Ok easy now, tiger," he chuckles.

"It also means I will know I'm the only one who has ever gotten the privilege to touch you. Or be the only guy that knows how you sound when you come apart. How you moan out my name," he says lowly, seeing how her chest rises quicker with every word that leaves his lips.

"Lando," she breathes out, he bites his lip.

"I may sound possessive, but hell I'm glad it's me."

She looks between his eyes, flickering to his lips a couple times.

"I'm truly so in love with you, it hurts my chest to think of you with anyone else, Y/N."

It was quiet for a moment or two, Lando basically feeling his heart beating out of his chest. Until he saw her lips form up into a smile.

"I love you too, Lan."

He breaks out into the biggest smile ever, smashing his lips right onto hers and letting them move in sync. One of her hands comes away from the glass she is holding to hold one of his wrists, caressing the skin with her thumb.

She smiled into their final kiss before he pulled away, Lando leaning his forehead onto hers.

"If it wasn't obvious, I'd really like to call you my girlfriend." he chuckles and she joins in with a nod.

"As long as I get to call you my boyfriend."

"Oh sweet girl I'd love for nothing more, up until the day I ask you to be my wife."

Her eyes look at him with shock, but she just looks at him like he's her whole world. "Take me home, Lando."

His eyes widen. "Yours or mine?"

"Yours."

He nods, looking behind him and then looking back at her.

"We're going to Irish goodbye this thing. I'll apologize to Alexandra later." He says before he sets her glass down, laces his hand with hers and pulls her down the stairs to exit the restaurant.

Once they made it down to the entry of the restaurant, he handed the Valet his ticket. He ignored the calls of people who recognized him outside, turning his attention to the girl at his side.

He smiled down at her as he caught her already smiling up at him.

The car was pulled up to the front quickly, him opening her door and helping her inside before closing it softly and rounding to his side. Once he was in, he thanked the valet drivers and handed them a tip before they were off in lightning speed.

His hand came to rest against her thigh, caressing the skin every so often as he drove and then lacing their hands together.

"I love you," he mutters out, an ear to ear grin on his face. "I just had to say it again."

"I love you." she responds with, making him squeeze her thigh and that makes her skin rise up in goosebumps. "You can say it as much as you want."

He nods with a proud smile on his face.

It wasn't long after that that they had arrived at his place, pulling into the garage and parking next to the other cars in his collection.

Lando immediately rounds the car to help her out, shutting and locking the car behind him as they rush up to his apartment in excitement.

Once they made it to his floor, he darts to his door and unlocks it as quick as he can as he tries to push down his nerves.

They make it inside and shut the door behind them, Lando immediately pushing her up against the door with his lips landing on hers.

She takes no time in responding, kissing him back with just as much passion and need. Her heart was pounding out of her chest.

Her hands ran up from his sides, to his abdomen, to his chest where his button up sat perfectly on his skin. She began to unbutton them slowly, her hands noticeably shaking as she undid them.

Lando broke their kisses, a light smile on his lips as he grabbed her hands softly. "It's okay," he says, looking into her eyes. "You're okay. It's me. Nobody else." he assures her, caressing her hands.

She slowly nods and feels her confidence increase just a tad more. His eyes held nothing but love and admiration as he stared at her. There was no judgment, no embarrassment, just love. She helps shrug his shirt off of his shoulders, letting him bring his lips back to hers as she ran her nails over his skin like he loves.

"Mmmm you keep doing that and we may be up all night," he chuckles lowly against her lips, making her chuckle. "Driving me crazy."

His hands leave her hips and travel to her back, lifting the bandeau top up and off of her body. His eyes never failed to stare in amazement when it came to her.

Before he can pull her back in for another kiss, she takes his hand and leads them to his bedroom. Where she then turns back around to face him, innocent eyes looking up at him. He smiles down at her as his hands began to rub up and down her sides.

"You okay?" he asks, and she nods. He tilts his head with a knowing look. "Words, pretty."

"Yeah. I'm good," she hums, her hands finding his neck to pull him back down to kiss her once more. This time fully taking her in and tongues fighting against one another.

She moaned into his mouth at the feeling, the way he was able to brush away any nerves she was feeling. Make her feel safe, and comfortable around him

"Lando," she sighs as she feels his hands finally dip to grab her ass, planting a light smack on one side as he massaged the other.

His lips left her mouth, trailing down her jaw and down her neck, planting open-mouthed kisses along her collarbone. She began to bring her hands down to unbutton his slacks, alongside his briefs, and push them down, Lando steeping out of them as he kept his attack on her neck.

One of his hands traveled beneath the hem of her skirt, instantly groaning at the fact she had no panties on underneath. It made him chuckle darkly. "You're such trouble, aren't you?" he says slyly, missing the smirk that plays on her lips.

Her smirk soon drops as she feels his hands run over her wetness, making them both let out breathless moans at the feeling.

"All for me, yeah?" he pants into her neck.

"Always," she sighs out, earning a moan from him as he circled her clit.

His other hand finally started to push down her skirt, which she had no problem wriggling out of, as his other hand worked on her.

"Always mine," he says as his lips trail back up to her own, just barely letting them brush against hers. He smirks as she tries to kiss him once more, but he pulls back. "Gonna ruin you for anyone else. You gonna let me?"

She smirks and nods, trying to push her lips onto his own but he denies once more.

"Gonna give you everything," He sighs as he sticks a finger inside her entrance, watching as her mouth drops with a moan as he begins to pump out of her.

Her lips try to find his again, but he pulls back just slightly. He thinks he's got her where he wants, until she changes it up.

Before he knew it, she had pushed him back onto his bed and sat herself over his lap. She took him into her hands, earning a hiss from him as she did so. "Enough teasing, my love."

He moans at that, head falling back while his hands grip her hips harshly.

"Okay," he moans. "Yeah. Okay, no more teasing."

She presses her lips onto his own, pumping him in her hands as their lips moved and his moans caught by her lips. "Fuck, baby," he pants. "I need you."

"So take me, Lan."

That's all he needs to hear as he takes her by her hips, setting her down up along his pillows. The sight before him was one he swore he would never get used to. It was a sight he couldn't wait to see every single day of his life. Nothing looked better to him in that moment.

"I want to make sure," he says softly. "Are you sure, sweet girl?"

Y/N looks up at him, caressing his cheek. "I'm sure, Lan. I trust and love you."

Lando smiles warmly at her before placing a few kisses on her lips, soon trailing them down her neck, to her chest, to her breasts. He began to suck on each nipple, nibbling on them every so often as he saw the way she would jolt at the feeling.

Her skin was tatted with marks he made with his mouth, her not giving a care in the world in that second.

Her body was on fire. She felt as if every emotion inside of her was haywire, the way the wetness pooled beneath her legs. Especially when his length began to glide between her folds, both of them gasping at the feeling.

She let her fingers grip onto his curls as he attacked her breasts and marked them as his. "Lando fuck," she moans out. "Need you. Need you now."

He leaves her breast with a pop, looking up at her with a hungry look in his eyes.

She watches as he grabs a foil from his nightstand, tearing it with his teeth before he rolls it on. He looks down at her as he grabs his length. "You ready?" he asks, she hums with a nod.

He slowly slides the tip into her entrance, causing her to let out a shocked gasp at the new feeling. Lando using everything in him to not ruin her in that moment, or cum in that second.

He slowly pushes in more and more until his pelvic bone hits her own, letting her take a few seconds to adjust.

"You can move," she says with a sigh. Lando begins to move slowly in and out of her, watching her face contort into different emotions. It was when breathless moans had started to leave her lips that he knew she was good, her nails now dragging down his back. Lando took that moment to reach a neck to grip her neck, the other keeping him steady over her head.

His thrust had gotten faster and faster as her moans became more confident and her hips matched his pace. "Fucking hell love," he moans out. "So fucking tight. So fucking perfect for me."

She sighs out his name, her eyes rolling back as his hand squeezes her neck softly. Her walls clench around him a couple times, making him realize that she was into what he was doing, the boy making a mental note of it.

"Like you were made for me, yeah? Molded for me and nobody else."

"Fuck, Lando." she moans out, head going back. Lando takes both of her hands this time and laces them together with his own above her head as he watches himself thrust in and out of her.

"Gonna let me make you mine forever? Not gonna let anyone else experience you like this?" he groans out, feeling that coil inside him begin to build.

Y/N moans out and nods. "All yours. Was always yours."

He chuckles darkly. "I know, darling. I know," he moans out, his movements stuttering as he begins to feel her walls flutter around him.

"Fuck, Lan I'm gonna-"

"Let go baby. Let it all out for me, I've got you my sweet girl," he praises, watching her face contort as she comes apart, her walls squeezing him tightly as she reaches her high. Lando not too far behind her as his own thrusts become stuttered and sloppy.

Once they've ridden out their highs, Lando slowly and barely pulls out of her. He gives her a passionate kiss as he gets up to toss away his condom, grabbing a damp cloth as well as some pain meds just in case for her.

When he returns he sees her half asleep on her back, taking in the way her bare body glowed over his bedsheets.

He couldn't wait to have days like these every day. This would be a normal sight for him now, and he would not have it any other way. She was truly his.

He gets back between her legs, slowly spreading open her shaking thighs. "This is going to sting, my love I'm sorry," he trails off before he softly begins to clean her up. He apologizes as he hears her hiss at the feeling, praising and softly talking her through it.

He finishes up, kissing her knee before going to put it in the dirty bin. Lando returns back into bed, slowly pulling her into his side.

She happily cuddles into his side, Lando softly caressing her arm up and down as she drew circles on his chest. He smiles to himself. "I could get used to this. Used to you," he hums out. "I can't believe I finally have you."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. I'm never letting you go." he chuckles, making her look up at him.

"Don't."

Lando smiles down at her, kissing her with nothing but passion and love in it. Y/N happily smiling back into the kiss, letting him hold her tighter as the kiss got deeper.

"As much as I'd love to go again," she chuckles in between kisses. "I really don't think I can move."

Lando chuckles. "Oh sweetheart," he sighs. "That's why I'm gonna do all the work."

"Oh are you now?"

"Best believe it. I've got my dream girl, so we're in for a long night pretty girl."

Taglist:

@mayax2o07 , @love-4-rafey-lando , @mimisweetz , @landonorrisgirlie, @majapapaya4 , @mercrussell , @sarx164 , @glow-ish , @sillyfreakfanparty , @skylandori , @imalwayshornyxs , @ooostarwarsfandom501st

[captainsophiestark]

A New Man

Colin Bridgerton x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Bridgerton

Summary: Colin has had feelings for his best friend for some time now, and has decided his new skills in charm and flirting are the perfect way to win her over. He is unfortunately very mistaken.

Word Count: 4,713

Category: Angst, Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"This is by far the best part of these society events," mused Benedict, one of my best friends, as the two of us perused the dessert table. "Sometimes it even makes putting up with all the marauding mamas worth it."

I laughed and picked up a delious looking cupcake.

"The mamas must be truly terrible this season if the food only sometimes makes them worth putting up with."

Benedict sighed. "You have no idea."

I nudged him with my shoulder, smiling as we stepped away from the dessert table together.

"Well, you have no need to worry, Benedict. As long as I am unattached, I am more than happy to act as a shield for you, especially when society dictates you must find a partner and dance."

"Thank you. You are a true friend. I know I can always count on-"

"Colin!" I turned to grin sheepishly at Benedict in the wake of my outburst and found him staring at me with a mocking, raised eyebrow. But I couldn't quite bring myself to care, since I'd just seen my absolute best friend in the world, Colin Bridgerton, standing across the lawn chatting with a group of ladies.

He'd left England this summer for another lengthy international trip, and I'd missed him terribly while he'd been gone. He looked different now, too, a little more sure of himself and wearing a style that had clearly come from somewhere on the continent rather than from here. And if my heart raced a little at the sight of him, well, that could easily be chalked up to excitement at the prospect of seeing a friend. I couldn't keep a smile off my face at the sight of him, even as I turned back to Benedict and found him with crossed arms and doubly raised eyebrows.

"When were you going to tell me that Colin had returned?" I demanded, completely ignoring Benedict's judgey look and barely managing to keep my voice at a socially acceptable level. Benedict just sighed and rolled his eyes.

"It is why I came over here in the first place, but then you distracted me with talks of friendship and cupcakes. And now I see it was all a lie, as you are clearly about to abandon me to the whims of this social event to go rush over and talk to my brother."

"Sorry, Benedict," I said, giving him a grin. "But I saw you throughout the summer. It has been much too long since I last saw Colin, so he takes precedence for the day. But I promise you I will come to your aid if you find yourself cornered by the mamas, or any other dangerous creature roaming the society grounds."

Benedict snorted, but I didn't give him the opportunity for a comeback as I turned back to Colin and walked quickly across the gravel paths, the smile growing on my face the closer I got to him. He didn't notice me as I approached, wrapped up in conversation with the handful of ladies in front of him, and my smile grew even more at the thought of his face when he finally caugh sight of me.

"...will be fighting over you," I heard Colin saying as I walked up to join the group. "I cannot compete."

All the ladies in the circle giggled, giving me perfect cover for my smile as I came to a stop in front of Colin. He turned to face me, a beaming smile on his face, then froze a bit as his eyebrows shot up when he realized who I was.

"Lady Y/L/N!" he said, the shock melting back into his charming smile. "What a pleasure it is to have you join us."

"Mister Bridgerton, what a pleasure it is to have you back in England with us."

Colin dipped his head, the corner of his mouth pulling up in a roguish smile before he returned his gaze to me.

"Believe me, Lady Y/L/N, the pleasure here is all mine."

Rather than the earnest excitement I'd been expecting, Colin's demeanor and voice dripped with a slick charm I didn't recognize. I'd been expecting his usual earnest, genuine emotion, not... this. I gave Colin a little frown of confusion, but quickly let my expression return to normal as he returned to addressing our entire group. He had an energy about him that I couldn't quite place, but it was much different than the Colin I'd gotten to know so well before he left. Still, we were in public. Neither of us were allowed to be anywhere near as effusive and close as we would've been in a more private setting.

"We were just discussing the season," Colin said, including me seamlessly in the conversation I'd joined between him and the other ladies. "Truly, it is amazing to me that all of your dance cards are not already full of suitors."

All the ladies around me giggled, hiding behind their fans and fluttering their eyelashes at Colin. I just stared at him, letting my brow furrow again as I watched my friend. He met my eyes, a smooth smile on his face and his eyes roaming me with an interest and flirtation they'd never had before. If Colin had looked at me like that when I'd last seen him, my heart would've started doing backflips. But his new demeanor made the gesture seem much less sincere, and much more shallow. I let my frown deepen.

"So..." I started, trying to clear the air of whatever strange energy seemed to be lurking here. "Mister Bridgerton, tell us of your travels. You sent so few letters this time, I have simply been dying to hear about everything you saw and did."

Colin flashed me a brilliant smile that didn't totally reach his eyes.

"This time, my stories from abroad are not suitable for such tender young ladies." Everyone around us giggled into their fans again, but Colin's eyes never left mine. "Were I to tell you even the tiniest adventure, well... I'd be forced to marry you."

He delivered the final few words with dramatic flourish, as if expecting for them to have some groundshaking impact. And with the way he stared at me with a simmering gaze, the words clearly intended to make every lady in earshoot swoon, he accomplished his goal. I couldn't hold back a snort of laughter, which I quickly hid as a cough behind my fan.

Colin looked shocked when I glanced up at him, but I still couldn't keep another laugh from bubbling up. He was being so ridiculous, so arrogant and flirting with everyone in sight like he was God's gift to the women of England, and I truly couldn't take him seriously this way.

I cleared my throat and straightened back up, keeping it together just enough as I faced Colin and the other ladies, giving each of them a shallow curtsey.

"Forgive me. I think... something in the air, it must have gotten to me. Excuse me, please."

With that, I turned on my heel and didn't look back. I walked quickly across the garden, seeking out and immediately finding Benedict among the crowd once again, hovering by some shrubbery in an attempt to hide from the ladies and their mothers. I sped up to reach him, the giggling smile returning to my face as I approached.

Benedict must've heard me coming, because at the sound of laughter in a semi-high pitched register he turned on his heel and started moving in the other direction without looking to see the origin of the sound. I walked faster, until I was close enough to call out to him without drawing undue attention.

"Relax, Benedict, it's just me!"

His shoulders slumped as he stopped and turned to face me, relief written in every line of his face. After a moment, however, his expression changed to one of confusion.

"What are you doing back here so soon?" he asked. "I thought you would spend at least the next hour with Colin, catching up on all his travels and making every eligible lady here incredibly jealous of the two of you."

"Well, I planned to catch up with him, but... Benedict, you will never believe what he said." Benedict raised an eyebrow, so I glanced around to make sure no one was eavesdropping, then took a step forward and lowered my voice all the same. Laughing about Colin with his brother was one thing, but I didn't want anyone in the rest of the Ton talking behind his back. "He said he couldn't possibly tell me his stories from abroad, because they weren't 'suitable for tender young ladies'."

Benedict scoffed. "Truly?"

"Truly! Benedict, he's come back from abroad strutting around like some peacock, as though he is God's gift to eligible young women everywhere. You know I love him, as you do, but... I cannot take him seriously with his new attitude. I do not think I could if I tried."

Benedict smiled and shook his head, staring over my shoulder, presumably at Colin. Then he turned back to me.

"Did he seem to be directing his newfound charm at anyone in particular?"

I frowned. "No, not that I noticed. It seemed to be more like buckshot, just aiming with broad strokes at everyone in range. Why? Are you joining the side of the mamas in trying to help your brother find a match?"

"No," Benedict sighed, sounding truly tired. "Simply trying to guague exactly how long I may have left before I am the only eligible Bridgerton son for the mamas to focus on."

I laughed. "Do not worry, Benedict. I think you have some time yet."

Benedict didn't respond, but I thought I heard him mumble something into his drink that sounded like, "we'll see". When I raised an eyebrow at him and prepared a question, however, he quickly changed the subject, and I let him. We spent most of the rest of the afternoon together, hiding out from societal obligations and occasionally laughing about how strange his siblings could be sometimes.

After the garden party, I didn't get much of a chance to speak with Colin again until Lady Danbury's ball. He'd approached me once or twice when we'd seen each other in passing at other events, but we'd always been interrupted by other ladies, and Colin seemed suddenly incapable of interacting with me without his base layer of extreme, over the top charm. I would've felt bad for how little time I'd spent with him since he'd returned home, but every time I'd tried to ask him about his travels or how he was doing, he turned it into a truly ridiculous line of flirting, the likes of which we used to make fun of other suitors for before his most recent summer travels.

As a result, when Lady Danbury's ball rolled around, I didn't seek Colin out the way I would've last season. Instead, I found Eloise, Benedict, and even Francesca for a while when she clearly needed a break from her first season out in society. I danced with a few of the men who were tolerable, and otherwise enjoyed my time at the refreshments table and talking to people I knew. Colin didn't seek me out for the first half of the ball, either, so when I heard a familiar voice trying to get my attention after I'd found a spot along the wall for a bit of a break from the rest of the party, it was more of a surprise than it should've been.

"Y/N."

I turned around with a smile to find Colin standing behind me, a grin on his own face. We were out of earshot of the rest of the party, so we could dispense with some of the titles and formality that had lost all meaning between us long ago.

"Colin, hello! I was beginning to think I might not see you at all during this ball, such your other engagements seemed to be."

"Well, I could never let my other engagements prevent me from conversing with the most beautiful woman at this ball, could I?"

He said it with an easy smile and a charming sincerity, but I'd seen him use the same attitude and similar words on enough other ladies in our few interactions this season that his words didn't work to sway me the way they seemed to sway others. My smile slipped, and I fought to hold back a sigh.

"Yes, well..."

Colin smiled at me for another moment, and when I didn't pick up the conversation, he gave an easy chuckle and fixed me with another roguish grin.

"As delighted as I am for any opportunity to spend time with you, my lady, I did come over here to ask you if you might do me the honor of a dance. I truly cannot think of a partner I would rather have than you."

I fought a grimace, barely managing to turn it into a polite smile. I looked around briefly to make sure we were still out of earshot of any other party-goers or servants, which we were. I turned back to Colin with a sigh.

"Colin... I am going to tell you this because I truly care about you, although that may not seem to be my motivation at first glance."

"...Alright," said Colin, blinking a few times and trying to hide any confusion with another easy smile. I took a deep breath.

"I do not wish to dance with you." The smile dropped off Colin's face and his eyebrows knit together as I continued. "I never thought I would say such a thing, as quite often dancing and laughing with you were the only things that made attending society events bearable. But ever since you've returned home from your trip, Colin... it has been nearly impossible to talk to you.

"The man I thought I knew, my friend, whom I deeply cared about and whom I could talk to about anything, seems to have gone. And in his place I have found a Colin Bridgerton who not only flirts with anything that moves, but who does so in a way that is incredibly condescending and impossible to have a meaningful conversation with. Your letters from your previous travels were wonderful, Colin, and when you returned we were able to discuss them at length. You know I have an interest in learning and the world at large, and yet now, whenever I bring the subject up, I am told I could not possibly handle hearing about the things you saw and did, since I am but a fragile woman. Your sincerety and genuine expression of yourself has become cloaked in an oily layer of false sentiment and charm, directed equally at everyone you speak to, no matter your relation to them or your true feelings. I have no idea what brought about this change in you, Colin, but I am sorry to say I do not enjoy it the way the rest of the ladies here seem to."

Colin just stared at me, blinking and gaping like a fish. I frowned, feeling a big guilty, but lying to him would serve no purpose for either of us. Still, he was my friend, and I did care about him regardless of his recent changes. Choosing to ignore society for a brief moment, I put my hand out and rested it gently on his arm.

"Do not mistake my words as an insult designed to hurt you, Colin. You are my friend, and always will be. I have simply... found it harder to be around the person you have become recently. I am truly happy for you and your newfound confidence, but it seems to have extended a bit beyond confidence and into something more challenging, especially with ladies. Even ones you've known as long as you've known me."

I gave him a tight smile, which he seemed too stunned to return. I gave him a moment, but when he still didn't seem capable of a response, I curtsied and took a few steps backwards.

"Well. I will... take my leave. I do hope you enjoy the rest of the ball."

Colin just watched me as I took another few steps backwards. Finally, I turned on my heel and walked away. I wasn't sure how I'd been expecting him to take my statement, but complete speechlessness certainly hadn't been my prediction. I could only hope I hadn't wounded him too badly, and that he might come around enough to be the man I remembered as my friend and confidant, who could discuss the world with me as an equal and laugh with me through anything.

Thankfully, no one at the ball seemed to have noticed our exchange. Colin kept his distance from me for the rest of the evening, although I did notive him staring in my direction once or twice.

I debated finding Benedict to ask him his opinion about what I'd said to Colin, and how Colin might be feeling, but eventually decided against it. No matter how true my words had been, or how I'd tried to keep them from sounding harsh or designed to hurt, Colin would likely need his space for a time while he processed. And sending his brother in as my proxy would be the opposite of giving Colin space.

I expected Colin to keep his distance from me for a few days at least, if not for much, much longer. But as I took my seat in the sitting room of my family home the next morning for the start of the calling hours, I turned out to be quite incorrect. Before the clock had finished chiming to mark the start of the first hour, none other than Colin Bridgerton came striding through the door, ahead of the butler who normally would have announced him.

"Lady Y/N," he said, bowing to me and then to my mother sitting on the couch next to me. "I have come to call on you, if you are willing to entertain my company."

He still walked and spoke with confidence, but the layer of charm that had honeyed his words since the first day he'd returned for the season was gone, replaced by a directness and frankness that felt like taking a breath of fresh air. I gave him a small smile.

"I would be more than happy to have your company, Mister Bridgerton."

Colin gave me a small smile in return, and the two of us moved to the other end of the room, still able to be chaperoned but out of immediate earshot. I settled into the couch, Colin sitting right beside me.

"Y/N... thank you for being willing to speak to me. I had to see you, to apologize... and to explain."

My eyebrows shot up. Now that we were sitting closer together, I noticed a few irregularities in Colin's appearance. He had a few shadows under his eyes, as though he hadn't slept well, and his hair wasn't as neatly quaffed as I was used to seeing it. His shirt was rumpled in a few places a maid or a butler or a hovering older sibling might've insisted on fixing if they could've, and although Colin's new confidence appeared to be mostly intact, the charm had been replaced with a nervous energy I'd hardly ever seen from him.

"Colin... are you quite alright?" I asked, leaning a bit closer to him as I studied his face. When I looked up to meet his eyes, I found them instead scanning my face, until he apparenlty snapped out of it and met my gaze. He took a deep breath and sighed.

"Yes. Well, no. Perhaps. I am not sure, I think my wellbeing may depend a bit on the outcome of this conversation."

"Colin, before you begin, if I was too harsh on you the other night then I must apologize-"

"No! No. You were not." He took another fortifying breath, closing his eyes for a moment and dropping his shoulders from where they'd been creeping closer to his ears, before meeting my eyes again. "I have been quite different since I came home. I found myself while I was away from society, in a way I have never felt able to do here. But... I also learned the kind of charm that most of the Ton enjoys. It worked so well from the moment I got back, I did not think much of it. But I should have. And I am sorry if our relationship suffered as a result of my attitude."

Colin paused to take a deep breath, and I took the opening to reach out and rest my hand on his forearm.

"Colin, you do not-"

"Y/N, please. Please allow me to get all the way through this. I need to say it all, and I may not be able to get it out if I have an opportunity to change the subject."

I leaned back a little to stare at Colin, though I didn't remove my hand. His eyebrows were knit together with worry and his eyes never left my face. Slolwy, I nodded. Colin let out a sigh.

"Thank you." He squared his shoulders and sat up straighter, resting his hand on top of my own. "I understand why my approach was... not appreciated when we spoke in the garden and at Lady Danbury's ball. But the sentiment behind what I was saying was genuine. I have been searching for the way to tell you this for years, and I thought the charm and flirtation I learned abroad would be the way to finally do it. Clearly I was wrong. You should have seen the face Benedict made when I talked to him last night..."

Colin trailed off, shaking his head and apparently lost in thought. After a moment, I took a breath to say something else, but the noise must've been enough to jar Colin out of his memories. His stare snapped back to me, eyes slightly wider than usual.

"I love you. I have been in love with you for years, and when I returned home from this trip, I decided to finally do something about it. I thought the charm that worked so well on everyone else would work just as well for you, but... clearly I was mistaken."

I huffed a laugh. That was certainly an understatement.

"I wanted everything to be perfect, to come home changed and sweep you off your feet, but I've already failed at that, and I cannot keep my feelings to myself a moment longer. I love you, and I want to share everything with you. You are my best friend, my confidant, and the only woman I could possibly imagine spending the rest of my life with. Is there even the slightest chance you may feel the same way?"

Colin looked at me with the most open, vulnerable expression I'd ever seen, from anyone. My heart raced in my chest, and all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and never let go. But I forced myself to take a moment, rather than letting my emotions run wild.

"I need you to answer two questions for me, Colin," I said, trying to keep my voice calm and level. Unfortunately, I didn't totally succeed. Colin nodded quickly.

"Anything."

"First... how were your travels? Where was your favorite place to visit?"

Colin huffed a laugh, relaxing and leaning into me slightly as a faint smile pulled onto his face. My heart raced, but I forced myself to keep a neutral expression.

"I apologize for even making this test necessary, but my travels were... incredible. I may ask you not to share details with the rest of the Ton, but anything you ask, I will be happy to share with you. And my favorite place was Paris. I could not stop thinking about the two of us returning someday to visit together. It is a truly romantic city."

Colin's words removed any hope I had at keeping a smile off my face. I leaned into it, grinning at him and squeezing his hand a little as my heart began to race.

"Well then, I look forward to hearing all about them."

"And I look forward to telling you. Your second question?"

"...Did you truly go to Benedict for help with this last night?"

Colin groaned and threw his head back, which made me laugh. He shook his head as he met my eyes again, but he was smiling all the same.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I know you are close with him, and I noticed you going to speak to him after you abruptly left our conversation at the garden party. I thought he might have some insight, and I was right. It just came at the cost of quite a bit of mocking."

"You truly must be serious to give Benedict such ammunition to use against you for the rest of your lives."

"I am incredibly serious. And I would brave the teasing of every one of my siblings if, at the end, it brought me to you."

"Colin, that may be the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Does that mean... you return my affections?"

I smiled. "Yes, Colin. It does. You are my best friend, and I cannot think of anyone I would rather spend my time with than you."

Colin absolutely beamed at me. He began to lean forward, then thought better of himself even as his eyes still strayed to my lips.

"I cannot begin to tell you how desperately I wish we were alone in this moment," he said, voice low and husky. My heart did a backflip as I felt myself flush.

"Hopefully we will not have to wait long," I replied. We stayed there together, the tension and heat growing between us, until my mother cleared her throat from across the room and we were both brought back to reality. We leaned slightly further apart, although we didn't let go of each others' hands, and shared a grin.

"So... does that mean you will marry me?"

I laughed. "Colin, you cannot be serious! You began courting me a handful of minutes ago!"

I met Colin's eyes, expecting to share the joke, but instead I found him staring at me with a burning sincerity to go with his words.

"I am happy to wait as long as you need me to," he said, voice lowered slightly. "But I would also happily announce our engagement today."

I smiled and shook my head, my heart pounding in my chest so hard I thought Colin might actually be able to hear it.

"I may ask you to wait at least long enough for us to spend an evening or two together while courting, to see what it may be like to have a different relationship, rather than to spend time together as friends. But... I do not predict you will need to wait long."

The grin that spread across Colin's face was blinding, rivaling the happiest looks I'd ever seen from anyone in my life.

"That is good to hear. There are quite a few things I can hardly wait for, all of which come with engagement and marriage."

"Hm. Thank goodness we are both of positions and family that allow us to disappear for months on a honeymoon, finally sharing some travels around the world together. Among other things."

Colin squeezed my hand, and I could see him fighting back a handful of inappropriate responses and actions. I just grinned back at him, the two of us settling into our usual ease on the couch togehter after a moment so I could finally get Colin to tell me about the things he'd done on his travels. Hopefully, no one else would show up during the calling hours, and Colin and I could spend every moment of the day together just like this.

I'd meant what I'd said about wanting to wait, at least a short while, before announcing an engagement, and I did think it was a good idea. But I also couldn't imagine anything coming between Colin and I again after this. My best friend was back, and we were in love. What more could I possibly ask for in a match than that? Even if Benedict would be insufferable, claiming to be the one who'd set us up. It would be worth it, especially because we would weather the storm of his siblings together. Just like we'd do everything else that came for the rest of our lives.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

[zepskies]

Happy random question Friday, Alex!! 🥳 I saw a MASSIVE groundhog in my yard today that was faster than Usain Bolt which was the oddest and most adorable thing I've seen in a while so that's been my day 😂 Random question based on the above, if Dean is a"Squirrel", what creatures are Soldier Boy, Beau, Russell, Jason, and fun guess since we don't know him yet, Mark Meachum? Hope your day's been great! 💚

Ooh yay!! Happy random question Friday, Michelle! 💕 My whole week has been shitty and stressful, but I got off work early and finally am going to be off for a whole damn week!! SO excited loll. Hope your week has been so much better than mine. 😂

Omg that's so cute!! I've never seen a groundhog in real life, but I can imagine his little legs. 😭

But that is a greeeeat question. Here's how I see some of our favorite Jackles characters as animals...

1. Soldier Boy (Ben)

*snorts* I think I'm gonna have to go a bit cliché on this one. 😏

2. Beau Arlen

This one is also a little cliché, but I couldn't unsee it. 🤣 German shepherds are fiercely loyal and can be deadly on the outside, but are often mushy on the inside for the people they love. ❤️

3. Russell Shaw

Ooh I knew it had to be a predator for Russ. 😏 He seems all quirky and fun on the outside, but he's got a razor sharp edge underneath...

4. Jason Teague

Aww Jason! He is also a little (a lot) suss toward the end of S4, but honestly that's like a different Jason compared to his personality in the first half of the season. That being said, I feel like he's the kinda guy who (a lot like young 20s Dean) is all suave and fun on the outside, but has a sensitive, insecure, mushy center. 😂

Idk why but it's giving meerkat for me.

5. Mark Meachum

Oooh this one's mysterious since we don't know him yet, but we can assume it's another alpha law enforcement character, I'm thinking more serious than Beau, but still with a certain devil-may-care charm, a la Russell. So for me it's giving cat-like qualities, but still strong, like a leopard...

6. Alec McDowell (Bonus!)

Aww I couldn't leave Alec hanging! I love this little transgenic pre-Dean. 💜 He's sly and devil-may-care as well, but it hides a deep, well-hidden capability for loyalty and devastating love.

lol do you agree with these, or do you have your own takes on these guys? 💜

[zebuie]

CINNAMON GIRL

pairings; gf!ellie x fem!reader

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 SYNOPSIS:: You were making cinnamon rolls in the kitchen when Ellie walked in and tempted you into some steamy action. (SORRY I DONR KNOW HOW TO WEORD THIS)

WARNINGS— 2.6k words, smut!!!!, strap on usage (r receiving), eating out (r receiving), fingering (r receiving), pet names (good girl🙁, mama, uhemmm idk), ellie calls her strap her dick, Ellie fucks u on the counter, a little bit of fluff in the start?!? uhuhuhhhh sorry my brain isn’t functioning propoerly😆😆😆

a/n; writing this made me realize how single I am LORDDD anyways I’m so cramped with work I have sm to do I jus wnan sleep 😞 also might start writing for Abby and dina yusssss🔥 there’s a lotta (r receiving) in the warnings i need to dom Ellie

DAILY CLICK

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

It was a Friday evening, Ellie had originally planned to hang out with her friends but changed her mind and decided to stay at home with you

You could hear her swearing and groaning from the other room while playing her video game. 

Suddenly, she switched off the console, walked over to you who was adorned in a pair of satin short shorts and a tank top wearing an apron around your waist, engaged in making cinnamon rolls on the flour-covered countertop. 

Upon spotting you, Ellie ambled up towards you and hugged you closely before pointing towards the half-completed dough on the counter 

“hey baby, need help?” she asked, You smiled at Ellie's unexpected surprise and hugged her back, happy to spend your evening together. 

"Yeah definitely thanks," you replied sweetly, "I almost got bored playing around with the dough. A little help would be great." 

Ellie smirked before helping you out on rolling and kneading the sticky dough until it became smooth and stretchy. 

As the two of you continued to bake, a playful banter filled the air as Ellie shared stories about her gaming adventures while you teased her gentle nature against her tough girl persona. 

You were getting along great while making those cinnamon rolls when you both ended up covered in dough. 

You laughed and joked about it before Ellie decided to take it a step further. 

She pretended to dodge you but eventually, she let herself get caught by your arms, flour all over her. It was silly, 

but so sweet. You brushed the dust off her shoulders and neck with one hand which made Ellie giggle even more. It's moments like these that make relationships worthwhile. 

You continued baking the cinnamon rolls and somehow managed to avoid any more dough-mishaps. Ellie felt a sudden pang of hunger which made you suggest trying one of the warm freshly baked treats. 

Excited, Ellie eagerly obliged; her eyes closing in pleasure as she bit into the soft, sticky roll coated with sweet cinnamon-sugar mix. She moaned quietly "babe! these are amazing," 

pulling you close for a tender kiss to share in her delight. As you basked in Ellie's contented sigh, the scent of warm cinnamon rolls filling the air around you, something deep inside urged you to pull her even closer. 

You couldn't resist any longer as your fingers intertwined with hers and gently tugged her into a more intimate hug. 

Ellie didn't protest but rather melted against your chest completely entranced by the warmth emanating from both of your bodies. 

Slowly, she tilted her head upwards to meet your gaze; desire flickering within her eyes like soft moonlight. In that moment,  everything else faded away leaving just the two of you wrapped up in each other's arms - sharing a gentle kiss filled with tenderness and longing. 

As your lips parted, you felt the urge to deepen the kiss, drawing Ellie closer until you were practically devouring her sweet lips. 

Your hands moved from her fingers up her arms, taking in every curve as they reached around to cradle her lower back. She sighed deeply as she surrendered herself to your embrace fully engrossed in the passionate exchange. 

Before too long, soft moans escaped both of your lips mingling together creating a symphony of desire that resonated within the peaceful serenity of your warm kitchen. Ellie slowly but slyly untied ur apron, gripping onto your thighs and propping you up on the flour covered countertop. 

“Ellie..” you whined, In that moment, there was no need for words - your eyes conveyed everything - want, desire, hunger for her sweet touch. 

Her fingers dug into your flesh as she pressed herself closer to you; a whimper escaping her lips. Without hesitating further, Ellie slipped her hands under the waistband of ur shorts and gently cupped your bare cheeks in her palms sending shivers down your spine. 

"God Ellie...", you moaned softly, burying your face in the hollow of her neck as she fondled your ass with skilled hands. 

Her breath washed over your ear sending jolts of pure lust down your spine. 

She kissed you hungrily again and then started to trail her lips downward onto your chest; teasing circles around the soft skin between ur pecs before moving lower. You watched through hazy desire filled eyes as she lowered herself even further until her lips were barely touching the fabric of your panties. "Ellie...want you so bad," you breathed out thickly, your hips bucking instinctively as she continued her teasing. 

Ellie's smile grew wickedly wide as she slipped a hand inside your panties; her eyes meeting yours. She leaned back slightly, pulling on ur panties until it finally came off - leaving you fully exposed to her heated gaze. Ellie palmed your pussy, teasingly stroking your slit causing wet warmth to flood between your legs. Her gaze never left yours as she blew a gentle stream of air against your moistened folds; a soft whimper escaping from deep within you. 

Ellie leaned closer, trailing her tongue along the sensitive seam while probing gently inside with one finger.

You cried out softly, arching your back at the delicious sensation flooding through you as she continued to lave her tongue along your slick folds. She slipped a second finger inside, stretching you deliciously while occasionally flicking her thumb across your bundle of nerves. 

she then slowly started to plant sloppy kisses on your neck, her hand on your neck. Ellie pulled back from your sensitive spots, admiring the glistening dampness she left on you. "so beautiful.." she whispered softly, trailing her fingers through the wetness before dipping them in her mouth teasingly. 

You sighed contentedly as her other hand moved between your thighs spreading you open just a bit more; giving her easier access to explore your body further with soft gentle kisses and lingering licks. 

She teased your most sensitive spot with gentle flicks of her tongue while her fingers danced around you, increasing the pressure as she gradually pushed you closer to the edge. 

Ellie moved her other hand between you, rubbing lightly against your hardening clit making waves of pleasure crash through you until everything became a blur; ecstasy washing over you as waves after wave of intense pleasure crashed down upon you. 

You moaned loudly in pure delight; trembling under Ellie's skilled touches until at last, your body relaxed completely leaving both of you breathing heavily in each other's embrace. 

As your shudders slowly subsided, Ellie pulled away to admire the flushed beauty of her lover. "love u s’much.. " she murmured before reaching up to pull your damp tank top off; tossing it aside. 

She ran her fingers softly over your chest, grazing the skin tenderly and gently cupping each breast while leaning in for a deep kiss. 

Her fingers teased circles around your sensitive nipples causing you to gasp slightly at the sweet pleasure emanating through you. 

Ellie slowly traced the curve of your breasts, her fingers sliding under you and around your body until she reached between your thighs; running her finger through the wetness there. 

She glanced down at it with a knowing smirk before glancing back up into your eyes; the strain in them telling her everything she needed to know. Slipping off her own sweat pants, Ellie revealed the strap on that was nestled against her core; a wicked gleam lighting up her eyes as she noticed your obvious intrigue. "ready?" Her voice was soft, You nodded wordlessly.

feeling a surge of anticipation course through you as she slowly began to ease the strap on between your legs. Ellie ran it along the swollen folds before sliding it gently inside you; stretching you even further causing shuddering moans of delight to escape your lips. 

She adjusted herself, getting comfortable and gripping one end while her free hand danced around your body playfully - occasionally caressing or teasing parts of your sensitive flesh until you were whimpering for more. 

With a gentle pull, Ellie guided you off the counter and turned you around so your ass was up in the air; her lips finding their way to the soft skin of your lower back as she explored every inch with loving thoroughness. 

As she rubbed against you, Ellie slowly began to push inside again causing hot waves of pleasure to crash through you. 

You moaned deeply at the fullness stretching you wide while pushing back against her eagerly. 

Ellie picked up pace, her hips moving faster and more confidently as she savored the feeling of being so deeply connected to you. 

Her fingers traced sensual patterns on your lower back, occasionally grazing the sensitive skin right by your buttocks; making you shudder delightfully in pleasure. 

"Please mama…fuckkkk-" Ellie breathed out huskily against your skin - her tone thick with passion and desire before withdrawing almost completely only to slam back inside leaving a soft grunt escaping from both of you. 

Ellie continued to plunge herself in and out of you, her rhythm becoming more intense as she growled deep in her throat - her entire body consumed by the pure bliss of being connected to you. 

She reached forward to wrap her fingers around your clit; rubbing it gently while alternately teasing your entrance with the tip of the strap on. You whined softly, desperately trying to control yourself but the pleasurable sensations were overwhelming. 

Sweat was dripping from both of you, but it did nothing to dampen the intense passion between you. 

Ellie's panted breaths filled your ears as she drove deeper, her muscles clenching around your wet folds causing shivers to dance through you. 

She continued to tease your sensitive bundle of nerves; her fingers moving in delicate patterns while thrusting harder and faster into your core. The feeling of being stretched wide coupled with Ellie's skilled caresses caused you to feel a pressure building low in your belly; every thrust intensifying it until all you could do was moan loudly. 

She sensed the impending climax and changed her pace once more - drawing herself almost completely out before plunging back inside fiercely, her fingers continuing to torment your clit. 

Ellie swore she felt your muscles contracting around her and she knew you were close. With a growl, she thrust herself harder, “cmon baby, takin’ my dick so well..” Ellie grunted. You cried out, 

a powerful climax washing over you as pleasure ripped through your body. Your muscles clamped down hard on Ellie's strap on and she groaned deeply - her hips stalling for a moment before resuming their frenetic rhythm. Ellie rode it out with you - her own orgasm surging through her at the sweet sound of your cries. 

The intensity of your orgasm sent Ellie over the edge and she grunted loudly as her own release surged through her; her body shaking with pleasure. As the sensations subsided, she gently pulled out of you and spun you around so you were facing her - a wicked grin spreading across her face. 

"Good girl..." Ellie teased lightly, reaching down to stroke herself through her sweatpants; giving an amused glance towards your dripping pussy. 

"Fuck, yes." Ellie finally spoke gruffly, her fingers disappearing inside her pants to find her throbbing clit. 

"made me cum so hard... I need your sweet pussy to finish me off." She gave a lustful groan as she tugged you closer - sitting on the couch and pulling you over herself. 

As you straddled Ellie's lap, she eagerly ground herself against your sopping folds - moaning loudly as she rubbed her clit against the soft flesh. She reached up to grasp your hips; tugging you closer and harder onto her grind. 

Your pussy pressed against Ellie's clit, causing her to shiver from the contact; her hips bucking in pleasure. "You like that?" Ellie husked out before giving your hips a hard squeeze.

You whimpered, unable to deny the pleasure radiating through you. 

Your pussy slickened even more, rubbing against her sensitive nub in perfect harmony. 

Ellie's breathy moans became louder and more frantic; her hips thrusting upward, 

chasing after the sweet edge that seemed always just out of reach. 

Sweat glistened on both your bodies as the intensity of your grinding grew stronger - pleasure swelling within you, threatening to spill over. 

Ellie dug her fingers into your flesh, her hips bucking fiercely against yours; she let out a fierce growl before burying her face in the crook of your neck. 

Her rough tongue trailed up your throat, suckling and biting gently at your earlobe as she moaned loudly into your ear - her body shaking from the force of her climax. 

As Ellie's orgasm crashed over her, a wave of pleasure coursed through you; forcing a gasp past your lips as you also felt yourself approaching the edge. 

Her climax spent, Ellie gently eased you off her lap - a satisfied smile spread across her face. "Fuck babe, I needed that." She leaned in for a tender kiss; softly grazing her teeth over your lower lip before pulling away.

[isagiss]

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐈𝐀 | s. geto

02; 10:36

it was finally friday. your classes were done for the week, your assignments were all completed and the forecast said it'd be raining all weekend? you were frankly excited as fuck.

currently you were cuddled in bed with shoko rewatching howl's moving castle for the 15th time. well- you were rewatching it. shoko dozed off 5 minutes ago after she said she was just going to "close her eyes." you allowed her this time, though, because of how tired she seemed this week.

you'd reached the lake when you became unusually parched. while trying your best not to wake your roommate, you wormed out of your sheets and headed for the kitchen.

you chugged 1,2,3 glasses of water, but you weren't satisfied yet. you spun to look at the miffy clock (thank you, iori) that hung above the sink.

10:36 pm.

you sat in thought for a moment. there was a cafe that sold the most refreshing teas, and the location was only a 5 minute walk from the dorms.

ugh, screw it.

you threw on a hoodie over your pajamas, grabbed your keys, and quietly left, not forgetting to write shoko a note in case she woke up (she probably wouldn't).

the air outside was cool but comfortable, the ground wet from the downpour earlier. you couldn't help but take notice of all the slugs and snails that crept and crawled around the damp sidewalk. it was like they were all on a little walk with you too!

after a calm 5 minute walk, you finally saw the cafe sign on your horizon. excitement definitely took over because before you could even notice, your pace quickened and you were inside in no time.

a familiar warmth enveloped you as soon as you entered, with the speakers whispering smooth jazz. you could literally live here. there was also a lack of customers, only a few couples and people typing away at their laptops in the background. no one to disrupt your peace, though.

——————————————————————————————————

it'd been 15 minutes since you ordered your drink and you were still parched and drink less. you understood that working the night shift isn't easy and many of the workers are college students trying to make a few extra dollars, but wow!

you were genuinely getting impatient. with a huff you shot yourself up from your seat. it was as if the universe was on your side, though. because as soon as you made 2 steps, your order was called and placed on the counter.

oh my gosh, yay!

you butterflied over to the counter to receive your drink, thinking nothing more than going home and finishing your movie. in a swift motion, you grabbed for it. but in an even swifter motion, it was taken from you.

your eyebrows furrowed. you really did not have the patience for this tonight. you turned to the culprit, and your annoyance immediately spiked. because there was geto suguru, sauntering over to the door with your drink in hand.

oh hell no

in an instant, you rushed over to the door, placing your body between him and the doorway. he was a bit too slow to notice you, though, and he crashed into you, spilling half of your drink on the floor.

your eyes actually twitched. your blood boiled. you had to bite your tongue from cussing this man out.

"what the fuck? get out the way dumba- wait, y/n?" perplexity danced across his face, as if he was unaware of the crime he'd just committed.

whatever you said next wasn't you and was your anger and thirst speaking.

" "wait, y/n?" " you mocked him, mimicking his confused expression. "yeah, idiot. it's me. shy, little y/n can buy tea too, y'know. I genuinely didn't know I was supposed to stay at home like the fucking hermit I am on a friday night," at this point, you were making a scene, and geto noticed it, but he was too amused to stop you. "oh, and by the way," you point a vengeful finger at the half full drink in the male's hand. "that drink is mine." your chest rose and fell after speaking so much so quickly.

geto quirked an eyebrow as he laughed shallowly. he handed you the cup and watched as your face fell in horror. etched on the cup, in fact, not your name. but 'sugu' with a heart and a phone number written on it, presumably from one of the baristas. to further confirm your horror, you spun around and saw the exact same drink, sitting alone on the counter.

you actually felt tears brimming in your eyes as the reality of the situation fell like bricks on your shoulders. you just embarrassed yourself. in public. for no reason.

"oh! um, haha! this isn't my name!" fake laughter spilled out of your mouth on repeat.

could this night get any worse?

"you know you have to pay for my drink too now, right?"

you looked up and genuinely wished the world would explode right now. you only came with enough money to buy one drink.

"is that really necessary? I mean, it's just tea, amirighthahahaha.." unfortunately, geto's expression was, well, expressionless. any hint of amusement dissipated from his features in an instant. actually, he looked more annoyed than anything.

"you don't have any money, do you?"

"..."

"no." your response came out as a whisper, barely even audible for geto to hear.

"oh, that's a shame. so, i'll be taking yours then?"

what?

"I beg your pardon?" you understood that you did too much, but wasn't this just a tad bit petty?

"I mean, you did spill my drink, it's cold and raining now, and you have no money to pay me back. isn't it only fair?" you were about to cry at this point. you felt defeated.

you could only nod, any words you'd try to speak would have turned to sobs.

and so, geto walked past you, picked up your drink, and sauntered right out the door, sparing you not a glance in the process. you could hear the downpour outside when he opened and closed the door.

this is great!

you didn't even have an umbrella, and you were definitely not asking geto for a ride home after that performance. so, you bit the bullet and sprinted home, nearly slipping a few times. your eyes were cloudy from your tears mixed with the raindrops. by the time you returned to your dorm, your hair and clothes were soaked, your eyes were puffy and red, and it pained you to even breathe.

maybe you really should've just settled for some water.

masterlist ; previous ; next

afterthoughts;

definitely was gonna take this down a different route but I think I like this more 😝 unfortunately I could see some bs like this happening to me in the future saur! yay for me ig. anyway I hope y'all get the time reference! 🙏🏾 also tysm guys for all the likes and reblogs 🥹🩷

imma make a tag list as well so comment if you wanna be added!

[devilfic]

❝small favor❞

V. the christmas special.

parts: previously / next plot: it's the most beautiful time of the year. pairing: mcu!peter parker x gn!reader. cw: christmas shenanigans, alcohol mentions, harry gets drunk for norman osborn related reasons, peter is a little ball of anxiety because he likes you, can I share with you what jobs I think ned and mj got after graduation. words: 8.4k.

a/n: this was gonna be a two-parter but I thought. no. so instead it's just super long :D

Peter has started visiting more.

There were the surprise visits on weekends. Something was just too important to wait a week, and too important to give you a call, and you liked that he made a note of bringing you food for the trouble. Then he was popping in on Wednesday nights—sometimes Friday mornings—because he'd forgotten to tell you this or he just couldn't wait to tell you that.

And he has texting you more, too. Not super serious things either, and after a few days of it, you had worked the fight or flight reaction to his ringtone out of your system. At some point, you had started feeling like this was becoming... a genuine friendship.

"I mean... I... yeah. We talked about it, didn't we?" Peter stops pouring, brownie batter dribbling off the lip of the bowl, "Friends. I- I think of you as a friend. If you think of me... as a friend."

You gnaw on your pen as you study him. It's another weekend surprise visit, and this time he's brought you boxed brookie batter as an olive branch. You'd actually been busy this time, and so you'd put him to work baking it while you made your vacation list, "It's just... crazy. I mean, we went from being strangers to only seeing each other once a week—purely professionally—and now you bake me things. And we hang out."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing! It's just weird," he continues to pour as you talk, "I used to see you as this unattainable hero. I couldn't believe you trusted me, felt comfortable enough to tell me your name, to care enough that even EDITH knows who I am. And now we're friends."

Peter's nose scrunches at that, and you've never wished more than now that you could see the rest of his face. He starts placing balls of cookie dough in the batter, "You talk about me like I'm Beyoncé or something."

"You're the Beyoncé of superheroes."

"Hey, that is not true. That title goes to Captain Marvel."

"Not to me."

"Well, of course not to you. You're my biggest fan."

"Wow, demoted to a fan already."

Peter slides the pan into the oven, "You know what I mean. You're biased."

"You're starting to sound like Jameson now."

He kicks the oven door closed and hops up onto the kitchen counter next to you, nudging your knee with his knee, "Oh, you haven't heard my Jameson impression. Watch this." Peter clears his throat, clenches his fist, and shakes it in the air, "Spider-Man is a menace and should be charged with domestic terrorism!"

You giggle, "Do more."

"5G isn't giving your kids cancer, it's Spider-Man leaving his webs all over the city!"

"More!"

"Spider-Man is laying eggs in our city's sewers so that one day, all his freaky spider children will rise up and take over New York!"

"Please, keep going."

Peter groans. You see his head tilt toward the notepad in your lap, "How's the vacation going? Or vacation planning, I guess."

You sigh. Your list to pack kept getting longer, and yet, anytime you tried to focus on what to bring, you would just remember something else you needed to do before leaving New York. "How do you think, based on my utter lack of excitement?"

Peter raises a brow, "Whaaat? You're not excited for Miami?"

"I was, but... everything in the world is happening at the same time. Jameson wants me to get two more articles out before I leave and my family wanted me in Florida three days ago. At this rate, I'm just barely going to make it there before Christmas. Not to mention..." You trail off as you look to Peter, whose mask eyes have gone comically wide in interest, "I don't want to leave you all alone."

"You know I've been Spider-Manning since I was like, 14, right?"

"Well, yeah, but- wait, 14?" Peter grimaces. You gloss over it before he can worry himself about it, "Anyway, I just worry. I mean, with Fisk turning the PR tide and God knows what he's planning, I don't wanna just fly to the other side of the country. It feels wrong."

Peter smirks, "Nah, nah. It's fine. I can take care of myself."

"Don't make me remind you about how all of this," you gesture between Peter and the oven, "started." He looks away from you, sheepish. "You know what I mean, right? Maybe I'm overestimating my worth to you, but-"

"You're definitely not. You have no idea how much you mean to me." That stuns you. It stuns both of you, clearly, if Peter's frantic peek at your face was anything to go by. His mouth gapes like a fish out of water for a moment, "I just mean that... you've made being Spidey... easier on me. It's nice knowing someone's actually on my side in this city. So yeah, it will feel really weird without you being just a swing away."

"You can still call, Peter. I won't mind."

"And when your family asks who's bothering you while you're sunbathing on the beach?"

"I mean, my little cousins will be impressed if I name drop Spider-Man."

He smiles. He kicks his feet out, heels bumping the cabinet doors beneath you while silence settles. You take this chance to examine a slight fraying on the fabric of his suit, a hole beginning to form on his upper thigh that you could just fit your pinky through. You remembered a time when his suit was made out of sweatpants and a dream.

He was 14 when he first started all of this. When you were 14, you were stressing over high school essays and alien invasions. You couldn't help but think that maybe he'd lost his youth to this thing. This thing that brought you together.

Spider-Man who, back then, was really a kid. He'd had to grow into it. You couldn't imagine having to grow into that. "Well, that's enough about my holiday plans. What about you?" Peter prepares to answer, then deflates. "What's up?"

He bites his bottom lip, "I don't... have any."

Your heart sinks, "What? Why not?"

"No, no, it's fine. I'll probably be out on patrol making sure everybody else is having a safe, criminal-free winter break."

Sliding off the counter, you come to stand in front of Peter with your arms folded, "Absolutely not."

"Okay, before you say anything-"

"It's Christmas, Peter! You're supposed to take time off! Be with friends and family. If you never take a break, you'll wear yourself out."

"Just hear me out-"

"No! I won't have it. You're not the only hero in New York. You're taking Christmas off. I don't care if I have to stuff you in a carry-on and take you with me but you will not be working-"

One hand clamps around the back of your head and the other silences you, turning your complaints into mush, "If you would let me finish..." you huff indignantly against his hand, "you'd know that a friend of mine is throwing a Christmas party and I was invited. There. I have plans."

Your face softens. "Really?" You ask, but the sound is muffled and it comes out more like, "Will-ee?"

Peter laughs, hand slipping from your mouth, "Really. I'll at least take a few hours off. Maybe more if I fall into a food coma."

Peter's other hand is still cradling your head, but you don't bring it to his attention. "You promise? I won't have to fly back early and check up on you, will I? 'Cause I'll do it."

"I wouldn't stop you." You glower, making Peter's mask eyes squint with amusement, "I promise."

"Sometimes I think you like making me worry over you."

"Would you believe me if I said that I'm just this awful all the time?"

"Yes, but that would make me worry even more."

The hand at your neck gently curls around the side of your throat, Peter's thumb angling your chin up to his own. The brush of it makes you tremble just slightly.

Was he trying to make you dissolve into a puddle?

"I'll be okay. Just... come back to the city, will ya? Don't fall in love with Miami."

You place one of your hands over the hand on your throat. The other hovers somewhere near his knee on the countertop, unsure of yourself. When you admire his exposed mouth, you think of Peter. Parker.

You remember you hadn't actually talked about that since it happened. It was Peter's intention to skirt around Parker, regardless of how certain you were that they were the same person. It was all in jest, sure, but some small part of you (some incredibly small, minuscule, microscopic part of you) wondered if your reporter brain just fit the two pieces together because it wanted them to fit.

Perhaps he wasn't Peter Parker. Perhaps this really was all a coincidence, and perhaps aliens didn't fall from the sky and gods didn't save the world.

You wouldn't push him on it. You wouldn't look into it either, because reporter brain be damned. You cared more about the Peter you knew than the Peter you didn't.

You smile up at him, "How could I? Miami doesn't have you."

"Nice to see you could finally make it, kiddo." Jillian is grinning at you when you arrive, her baby tucked at her hip and her wife entertaining the little monster over her shoulder. She sees the winded look on your face and immediately motions you over, pressing a hand to your cheek, "Did you crawl out of a snowdrift? You're freezing!"

You lean into it, chasing the warmth in hopes that it would restore some feeling to your skin, "The storm's getting awful out there."

"Came outta nowhere, didn't it?" Jillian's wife snorts, booping the baby's nose. "We almost didn't risk coming with the little one, it was so bad."

Said little one looks perfectly warm wrapped up in her blanket, an envious sight as you shiver and shuck off your coat to hang. You would offer the kid a boop on the nose yourself, but with your fingers frozen solid around your offering—a plate of sugar cookies—you don't want to make her cry. You give her a smile instead.

"Oh, and would you believe it?" Jillian whispers, sidling up to you, primed for gossip, "We've got a real treat here tonight. Take a wild guess who decided to show up."

"Jonah's wife?"

Jillian cackles, "God no. The stalker."

As soon as she says the name, your eyes zero in on him.

He's wearing that plaid shirt again, but the collar and cuffs are all that peek out from underneath a wrinkly blue sweater. His hair is free and gelled back, revealing his nervous expression more clearly. Nursing a cup of apple cider, he just barely looks like he wants to be here. But then he catches your eye across the room.

And he waves.

"Oh my," Jillian teases, "you must've left quite the impression if he came all this way just to see you."

"He did not come just to see me." You reply in a hushed tone, but she laughs at you all the same.

"Sure. And that's not him heading over right now, even though he's been hugging the wall all night."

You jerk your head to where Parker was standing, and, sure enough, he's pursuing you.

You part from Jillian before she can get the chance to embarrass you (she accepts your cookies as payment), and so you all but jog to meet him halfway.

He doesn't get the chance to be polite before you're interrogating him, "Where did you go?"

"Uh... What?"

"At the gala. When I ran back inside the ballroom, I couldn't find you anywhere."

Peter's eyes slowly widen, "You went back inside?"

"Answer the question, please."

"Wh- I... I was there. You didn't see me?"

"No, I didn't."

"It got crazy after Fisk rushed the stage. I got swept up in the crowd. You must've missed me."

"Really? 'Cause I was with the crowd, you know. In front of the building? Where Fisk was giving his big speech about how he saved the day? I didn't see you anywhere."

Peter blinks, then gasps as if he'd just remembered something important, "You know what? That's right. I went to go find Harry. I wanted to make sure he was alright, and then I couldn't find you in the crowd so I just assumed... I'm sorry for leaving you back there all alone." You watch as he fumbles for something convincing, "I texted Spider-Man about it, though. He said you were safe."

You fold your arms, "...Is that all he said about me?"

"Well, that. And something about your conspiracy theory?"

"Conspiracy theory."

The topic change gets some of the tension in Peter's shoulders melting away, replaced with a smile faint enough to not pass as overtly smug. He waits for one of your co-workers to move out of earshot before continuing, "You think... I'm Spider-Man."

Your jaw tightens. You know that anyone would draw the same conclusions you did after that night. You also know that no matter how logical your reasoning is, you sound highly illogical when you admit to it out loud. If you brought up the same accusation to Jillian or Jameson, they'd both laugh you out of the office.

You have to stand your ground, though. If there was one thing you were learning about Peter, it was that he was easy to fluster, "And if I do?"

"I'm flattered, really, but I don't really have the hand-eye coordination."

You know it's bullshit. He should know you know it's bullshit. If it hadn't been for his quick thinking, you and Harry would've been trampled under the masses at the gala. It's bullshit and he's waiting for his checkmate that will never come.

You do not give it a second thought. You toss your phone at Peter's head.

And he catches it. Of course he does. He stops it mere inches from his face.

If anyone saw you try to give him a concussion, they don't come over to question you on it. "Can you..." Peter starts after a breath, a bit dazed, "...can you stop trying to hit me?"

You go to defend yourself because, at the very least, you hadn't meant to try to punch Peter—which meant it didn't count—when someone barrels right into you.

And, to prove you right twice in a row, Peter is quick to catch you. He scoops you up into his arms before you end up a reporter pancake on the floor. One of your co-workers, already blitzed off spiked eggnog, had bumped you on their way to the drinks table for what looked like the umpteenth time tonight, and didn't have enough marbles to apologize before bumping someone else.

Peter is careful in how he holds you. There's that unmistakable strength behind his grip, but also... he was gentle. He felt safe.

You don't make to escape just yet, all your bravado knocked right out of you. "Jesus, you okay?" His eyes dart over to your co-worker and a scowl turns his expression sour, "Jonah should put a cap on the drinks."

You feel more than embarrassed stumbling to your feet, even more so when Peter still coddles you after you're standing upright. "I'm fine. Thanks." Peter's looking at you, brows drawn together, with so much concern it makes that second thought from earlier come in hot with a sizable topping of shame, "Talk about instant karma."

Then it's gone. Peter laughs and... it sounds just like your Peter. Undeniably. You can't help but give in. For a fleeting moment, the question of secret identities has melted away and it's just the two of you, giggling about something silly.

You're ashamed enough to apologize for throwing your phone at his head when the laughter dies down. You succeed in stealing it back and lead him over to the windows, far away from any more drunken disasters, "It's alright. I've had worse thrown at me before."

You raise an eyebrow, "Oh? Like what?"

His voice catches in his throat at first, "A... carton of expired milk. High school bully, Flash Thompson. We were both on the same academic decathlon team but he never gave up on his dream of professional baseball."

"Flash Thompson? You mean, Silicon Valley, MIT grad, tech startup millionaire Flash Thompson?"

Peter winces, "The one and only."

You frown at the distant look on Peter's face, aware of some regret there at the mention of Flash. "You and Harry went to ESU together, right? Is that where you always wanted to go?"

Peter shakes his head, but a smile comes to his face regardless, "MIT was my first choice, actually. But... even with a scholarship, I just couldn't imagine leaving New York behind. So I stayed. Went to ESU. Helped my Aunt May with the mortgage on her first house since my... my uncle passed. And now I'm selling pictures of Spider-Man to pay my rent."

You can't help the way you soften. "I'm so sorry about your uncle, Peter. Your Aunt May is lucky to have you around."

His eyelids flutter closed for a breath, and his smile grows wider. If it were even possible. "I'm lucky to have her."

You stand there together in silence after that, but it feels more comfortable than before. All the scrutiny and speculation you'd come in with had faded away, and now you were left wondering more about Peter. His hopes, his dreams, his life before all of this. What would it have been like if he'd gone to MIT? Where would you be? Or Spider-Man?

Peter's eyes peel open, "So, what about you?"

"Oh. Well, I took a shine to my school newspaper. After... everything in 2012, I knew the world would never be the same. So I had dreams of becoming a journalist, covering the street, being the first on the scene. Took my ass to college on part-time jobs and a dream, and interned at nearly every newspaper in the city before Jameson gave me a shot here. As much as I can't stand the way he talks about Spidey... he's not that bad of a guy. All things considered."

Peter agrees, "He did hire you, so..."

"Yeah, well," you lean your cheek against the window, glass cooling your blush, "At least Spidey doesn't hold it against me... but, I have to ask: why the Bugle? I mean, with photos like yours, you should be fighting off every publication in the city. Instead you turn in these... absolute masterpieces, freelancing, for a guy who can't even give you due credit, and you only stop by for a paycheck."

Peter looks to the window, the wind howling over a crooner's cover of Santa Baby. The storm was still raging on outside, and you dreaded the thought of having to walk through it to get back home. The taxis wouldn't have much luck either from the looks of it. "I... like my job, but it's not what I wanna do forever. I don't care about fame or Pulitzer prizes. It's always been about taking care of me and my Aunt May, and Jameson is a lot of things but he's always understood that. He pays me enough that I can have a place of my own and a little leftover for my aunt, and he doesn't ask questions.

"I don't need to be seen. And that's the whole point, isn't it?" His expression gradually warms as he recalls something, "It's not who's behind the lens that matters, but who's in front of it."

Your expression warms too, "I can see why Spidey likes you."

A notification disturbs the moment. Raising a finger at Peter, you check the latest notification... and your stomach drops.

Peter takes a step forward, sensing the change in atmosphere, "What? What is it?"

"My flight's been cancelled. I was leaving tomorrow for Miami but the storm..."

"Oh. Man, I'm sorry."

"I should've left sooner, I should've left when my family..." You lose the motivation to even finish your sentence, feeling exhausted all at once, "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm stuck here for Christmas."

Peter stuffs his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet as he searches for something to say. You're about to tell him not to worry about it when he speaks up, "You know," he starts, the uncertainty in his voice giving you pause, "it's no... Miami, but my aunt throws this Christmas party every year? For Christmas Eve. We invite a few friends over for dinner. She'd love it if you came."

"Oh, Peter, that's sweet but... I don't really want to intrude on a friend thing-"

"No, no, it's okay! Anyone can come. It'll just be my aunt, some of her co-workers from F.E.A.S.T., a few of my friends, my ex-girlfriend-"

"Your- what?"

"Oh. Well, I mean, we were friends before we dated. Well... technically? She sort of just... hung around me and Ned in high school and then we started dating for a while but then we broke up in university. But we stayed friends. Became better friends, actually. So, she's my ex but also a really good friend. I promise it's not weird or anything. She's super cool about it. And I am too! Her name's MJ. I think you'll like her."

You stare at Peter. You think you see a bead of sweat twinkle on his forehead underneath the Christmas lights above.

He insists that you're welcome to come, and staying home alone for Christmas would be pretty hypocritical after your argument with Spider-Man.

Spider-Man.

"...and Spider-Man will be there."

Spider-Man?

You abruptly lock eyes with Peter. "Spider-Man?"

Peter's smile is tight-lipped, "Yeah." His voice cracks. "I mean, he's just stopping by real quick, but I invited him. He might not come. But... he also might."

Was this the friend of his throwing a Christmas party? Why in the world would Peter (Parker) invite you to the same party Spider-Man would be at, unless he could stand in the same room as him at the exact same time? There'd be no other way to convince you otherwise, and you'd be forced to accept that they really were two completely different people.

Yeah, right.

You'd go to this party and suss it out for yourself.

And it wouldn't hurt, would it? Peter was nice, if not the most awkward person you've ever met. To offer you a place at his aunt's Christmas dinner not long after hurling an object at his head was a sign of true Christmas spirit. You could learn a thing or two from him, "Okay. You've convinced me. What's your number? You can text me the address."

Peter blanks for a moment, "Um... yeah, um..." You watch him flounder, growing increasingly suspicious, "Can I see your phone?"

You drop your phone in his hand. His fingers move quickly across the keyboard before returning it to you. Peter Parker is now in your contacts. You check the number against Spidey's but there isn't a match. "Thanks," you glance at his wobbly smile, "I sent you a text."

Peter gestures behind him, "Oh, cool, awesome. Will you excuse me for a sec? I gotta use the restroom." And he doesn't wait for you to affirm before he's rushing down the hall and out of sight.

A full minute passes before you receive a text back from Peter.

15 Amfan Ave Forest Hills, NY 11375 7pm :) Hope you can make it! He never shuts up about you *I *shut

Hm.

So... I hear you're throwing things at people now Who told you that? You lose one phone, then you try to bludgeon an innocent man with another. I should lock you up and throw away the key I wasn't trying to bludgeon him, because I knew he'd be perfectly *fine*. And he helped me prove a point Which was... That the chances of him being you are more likely than either of you would have me to believe Could it be that you just have a thing for attractive, masked men? That is That is irrelevant to the conversation HA you so do Literally nothing to do with anything I just said It's okay. The mask makes it really easy to project one's ideal man onto me. Or so I've learned through Twitter I'm not projecting *anything* onto you Do you picture Ryan Reynolds when you talk to me? It's okay if you do Peter, shut up Maybe someone more boyish like Timothy chalet Timothee Chalet Timothee Chalamett I'd say you just like hearing yourself talk but this is a textual conversation I like that we can talk like this :) I like it too :) What about Tom Holland? We've got the same jaw If you think me accusing you of being Parker is me projecting a handsome man onto you, I can only assume you think he's hot. Which means I can assume you have a thing for him. Because I can also make things up Like Batman and Clark Kent? Are you saying Parker is the Clark Kent in our fictional relationship? More like Superman and Jimmy Olsen And you're my Lois Lane? ... Goodnight, Peter

Aunt May's home is beautiful. There's a lovingly sculpted garden out front that has since given into the snow, but you can tell it's a sight in the spring. For now, the Christmas garland lining the doorframe—wrapped in a rope of rainbow lights—brightens up the porch. As does the collection of little striped sweater-wearing gnomes gathered around the front door.

There's a commotion of voices behind it as you approach. You shift your plate into one hand, pressing the doorbell with the other, and the voices get louder. You swallow down your nerves when the door is ripped open by a stranger.

The stranger in question is staring out into the dark at you like they weren't expecting you. Your eyes quickly dart to the plaque beside the door and see a bold "15" emblazoned there. Nope. This is the house.

Their eyes zero in on the plate in your hand. Smiling, they open the door wide and step back, "Sweet! Peter said you'd bring dessert."

You kick the snow off your boots before stepping inside. The stranger shuts the door behind you before any more of the cold could get in. "It's peppermint bark," you explain, returning a smile of your own, "but I hear May's making a cake."

"May and Peter. May's great with everything but the oven- don't tell her I said that. I'm Ned, by the way." Ned holds his hand out for a shake.

Ned is really talkative, you find out. He holds your peppermint bark as you undo your boots and coat at the door, rattling off about how Peter and he had been friends at Midtown. He tells you about his job as a cybersecurity specialist, a job he'd naturally floated toward after graduating from MIT, and how he'd stayed with the Parkers for a few months after moving back to New York. It's how he knows that the downstairs bathroom door won't close unless you lift up when you shut it. You only remember about half of what he says by the time you get to the living room.

There are considerably fewer people than you expected, one of which makes his way over the minute you catch his eye.

"Hey," Harry grins. Unlike the nice suit he'd worn to the gala, he's dressed down in jeans and an ugly sweater with "I've been naughty" printed in big letters across the front, looking a lot less tense than when you'd first seen him, "Fancy seeing you here."

"I could say the same." You can't help but ask, "Don't the Osborns host Christmas Eve at Oscorp tower every year?"

Harry's good mood fizzles out right before your eyes. You feel pretty awful about it. "Uh, yeah. Norman does. But it's more business than anything, so I dipped. I'd rather be here watching Pete fuck up a perfectly good cake."

"I heard that!" Peter's voice calls from a room away.

Harry's good mood returns, "Well, it's good to see you at the annual Parker holiday celebration. And I'll forgive you for poking into my family business if you hand over those treats."

Bashful, you let Ned pass the plate into your hands before passing it to Harry, "Sorry. Reporter brain."

Harry's nose scrunches up, "Don't apologize. Unless these taste like ass."

"I promise they taste better than ass."

"Good enough," he backs away, turning his head to shout down the hall, "Peter! Get in here already!"

When the redhead is immersed in a game of UNO, you turn to Ned, "And that doesn't... feel weird? Having Harry Osborn at family dinner?"

"There are weirder things about Peter. Speak of the devil."

The ugly sweater is the first thing you notice. A companion to Harry's, it is nearly the exact same design, except for the "I've been nice" where the "I've been naughty" had been. He's dusting his hands of something when he comes around the corner. His eyes soften when he sees you with Ned, "Hey, you came." He says in a much too gentle voice. Harry and his opponents nearly drown him out with their cheers and boos.

Unlike at the office party, you notice, Peter's hair isn't tamed by hat nor hair gel. Instead, it curls incessantly around his flushed cheeks. He looked like a damn Keebler elf. It was frustratingly adorable. "Of course. I heard there'd be cake."

"How is that cake, Peter?" Ned pulls on a piece of the ugly sweater as he walks by, and you realize that some of the red had been singed. You follow Peter's frantic gaze from the hole to you.

"This was unrelated to the cake."

"You burned something else?"

"No! One of the stockings fell into the fireplace and I-" Peter trails off as you begin to smile, "you don't get to laugh at me if you didn't bring sweets."

"I did! Harry stole them." You nod over to the coffee table where the group is devouring your peppermint bark with reckless abandon. At least you knew they didn't taste like ass. Peter rushes over to steal the plate before they could polish off the last handful, much to their protest.

"Dinner's almost ready, I swear. You've met Ned, uh, Harry..." Peter scans the group, using his free hand to point out people, "...that's Yolanda, Katie, Lexie, Eduardo: all May's friends. May's in the kitchen but I'd stay out of her way until the ham comes out unharmed."

You notice that out of everyone gathered in the house, he does not mention his ex-girlfriend. "And MJ?"

You wait for an answer. Instead, something heavy shakes the house from above. It doesn't sound like it came from outside, but rather somewhere in the house. Not quite above your head. Weirdly enough, only you seem to be concerned about it.

Peter just glances at the ceiling, "And MJ."

MJ is tossing an empty storage bin to the side when you crawl up through the floor behind Peter. She's crouched on the balls of her feet, shoulders slouched, the sharp bones of her back poking through her tight graphic tee. Her head snaps toward you both when she hears you grunt up the last rung of the ladder. Her eyes narrow on you, then Peter, "I can't find it."

Peter offers you a hand to hoist you further into the attic, "Did you check the-"

"Yes. And I checked the one next to it. And the one next to that."

You look at Peter for an explanation, but he doesn't provide you with one. He walks over to where MJ has now fallen back on her ass, rifling through one of the bins. His mouth twists to the side. "Maybe she meant the box next to her old CDs?"

"There's like 15 boxes in here, Peter."

Off to the side of the room, where MJ was currently facing the mysterious dilemma, were about nine—not 15—storage bins in disarray. Two were off to the side, emptied of their contents: there were piles of men's clothes, women's clothes, baby blankets, and more. The third box that MJ was poring over had Halloween decorations in it.

"Well, you're getting close." Peter encourages.

The way MJ grumbles resentfully has you squirming. As time ticked on, your presence unannounced, you were starting to feel like an intruder. You clear your throat and MJ looks over at you for the second time, "Maybe I could help?" You offer.

At this, MJ brightens. "Finally! Someone cares about my plight. I don't know you, do I?"

You crawl over to where MJ is sitting and Peter gestures to you, "MJ, I told you about the reporter from the Bugle, right?" You give your name for good measure, and MJ's eyebrows raise. She gives a quick, indecipherable look to Peter. He returns it. Then she examines you.

After a moment, she dusts her hand off on her khakis and holds it out for you to shake, "Michelle Jones. Call me MJ." You repeat her nickname warmly. "Peter never shuts up about you."

Peter chokes on his spit.

"He... he does?"

MJ continues shaking your hand for longer than necessary, smiling secretively now, "Oh, yeah. He's got your blog bookmarked too. Post notifs for your Twitter, the works." You cut your eyes to Peter, appalled that he'd ratted you out to someone else, but MJ is quick, "I figured it out on my own ages ago."

"Is it really that obvious it's me?"

"No." And she smiles wider.

Peter is about to cut in with something when a woman's voice rings out, shrill and clear despite two layers of flooring in between you. He's needed with the ham. He looks between you and MJ, reluctant, "Look, if you can't find it-"

"We will." MJ's reply is confident, leaving no room for failure. You feel a little pressure applied to "we".

Peter nods. He mouths an apology at you and skitters out of the attic.

Left alone with MJ, you notice that she is staring at you now. You feel like you've been left alone with an oracle, prepared for your innermost being to be laid bare before you: past, present, and future. She looks like the type to know what makes people tick.

"What are you looking for?" You try to break the silence, though your voice comes out meeker than you'd have liked.

She doesn't look away from you as her fingers grip the container in between her legs, "Uncle Ben's favorite Christmas sweater. All I know is it has a reindeer holding a beer on the front."

Reinbeer. You almost laugh at it. You imagine it would tickle an uncle pink too. "Then I'll get to looking."

You've only just crawled over to a bin of your own when MJ asks you outright, "You like Peter, right?"

Your hand stills as it pries the top off. You feel her eyes burning into your back. "He's... nice, yeah."

You can hear how unimpressed she is with that, "I don't know if it's obvious, but Peter isn't exactly popular." You think that's kind of a cruel thing to say about someone you consider a friend, but MJ keeps going, "All he had was Ned back at Midtown. And me, eventually. I've known him since high school and he's made maybe a handful of friends, maybe less. The last time he invited someone new to Christmas dinner was Harry."

And that had been at least a few years, judging by how long Harry had been away at Oxford.

But why was she telling you this?

"He likes you." You yelp when you realize MJ's voice has gotten close. You turn, and she's kneeling behind you with no interest in your fear. "But do you like him?"

In her hands is a faded, toy Iron Man mask. "I... I think he's nice. I mean kind," you correct yourself when MJ frowns, "but I... I don't really know him. I mean, I don't think I do. I've only actually spoken to him twice and one of those times, there was a gun involved. Everything I know about him is through his pictures and Spidey, and I trust Spidey. So, I trust Peter."

"And Spider-Man?"

"What?"

"Do you like Spider-Man?"

You swallow. Like didn't really sum up how you felt about him. He was a hero, an inspiration, a friend, and also... yeah, you felt something more there too.

You think about why she would ask. Why it would have anything to do with you liking Peter or not. You look at her and it feels like she hasn't really asked you that different of a question at all. Your answer is much more definitive this time, "I do. I like him more than I know what to do with."

MJ leans back on her haunches. She appraises you, "He's pretty great, isn't he?" Her tone is considerably softer.

"Yeah. He really is." You smile.

MJ hands the mask to you and you take it, admiring the chips in its paint and the lovingly worn edges. She scoots between you and the bin you'd been looking into and pops the lid off. Almost immediately, she swears in relief. Sitting folded on top is the most gaudy sweater you've ever seen. A deformed reindeer is embroidered on the front, and sure enough, holds a can of beer in its hoof. When MJ shakes it out, little specks of dust fly everywhere.

This, too, she hands to you. You look at her in bewilderment. "You'll wanna make a good first impression with May," she advises, "just be prepared for the water works."

And there are water works.

May throws her arms around your neck and just about sobs her thanks to you, squishing the sweater between your chests. You note that she smells like candy canes. When she draws back, her glasses are all askew, "And I'm so glad you could make it! Peter wouldn't shut up about you. Isn't that right, Petey?"

Peter's eye twitches. "I'm gonna set the table. Ned, you wanna set the table?" And he scoots past you and May without waiting for a response.

"Don't mind him, he gets testy when he's cooking. Did Petey give you the tour?" You shake your head and May kisses her teeth in Peter's direction, "Okay, this is the kitchen, around the corner here is the dining room. You've seen the living room and the attic. The bathroom is by the front door, and the bedrooms are upstairs. If someone's in the bathroom down here, do not use the bathroom by the stairs. That's Ned's favorite when he gets bubbly guts, and he will get bubbly guts."

Ned complains under his breath as he walks by.

"If you need somewhere to get away from the festivities for a bit, backyard's that way and my room's upstairs, first door to the left. All good?" She pets your shoulder. Then, she looks down at the sweater still in your hands and takes it from you, tenderly. "I'm gonna go change into this and then dinner is served. Help yourself to anything, okay?"

May leaves you in the kitchen with that. Around the corner, Peter and Ned are fussing over where to put the ham and sides. Around the other corner, Harry is drunkenly singing Christmas carols with Yolanda. MJ watches on from the corner of the room, recording on her phone. She catches your eye and mouths, "For blackmail."

You peek into the dining room and Peter is worrying over one of the chairs. You can hear Ned scold him, "Sit next to them. You don't wanna talk over the ham. It'll kill the mood."

"But how do I... subtly get them to sit in this chair and not next to MJ or something?"

"Tell MJ not to sit next to them."

"But what if-" You jolt a little when Peter suddenly spots you eavesdropping. He straightens up with a death grip on the chair he'd been messing with, "Hey! Hi. This is your chair by the way." And he tops it all off with a smile.

It's warm in May's home.

You don't even register the cold at first. You do register Harry's frenzy, the way he grabs far more napkins than he needs to, pressing them to your stomach where the majority of his spilled drink had gone. When you finally do comprehend what just happened, you place your hands over his, "How long have you been plotting your revenge?"

Harry is red-faced. He lets you hold the napkins there while May rushes to find a towel, "Sorry. I wasn't looking where I was- sorry."

You don't get to dwell on the déjà vu of it all. May is ushering you up the stairs with a beach towel pressed to your front, muttering about how she'll have to put Harry on ginger ale for the rest of the night. She guides you into what you're certain is Peter's old bedroom.

It's been cleaned out, and most of his personal belongings must be at his own place, but there are still old posters on the wall, and a calendar dated in April, two years ago. His bed is ruffled like he'd slept overnight. It's neat, and looks like it usually is neat, but there are traces of him everywhere, like picture frames with Peter and May and a man you don't recognize.

"Peter probably has something here you can wear. It's all stuff from college." She digs through the top drawer of his dresser, finally stopping on a sweatshirt with Empire State University in college block across the chest. "Here! You think this'll fit?"

She stretches it out and you nod, thankful, "Yeah, thank you so much, May."

She smiles, "Okay. Bathroom's across the hall if you need to wash off. I can run your shirt through a wash while you're here if you'd like. Just let me know, okay?"

May is, perhaps, the sweetest woman on earth. She leaves you with a thumbs up and shuts the door behind you, reminding you to lock it after she leaves.

Your shirt had absorbed most of the drink, and you're relatively unscathed besides some sticky residue. You wipe at your stomach with the towel she'd given you and slip Peter's sweater on. It feels... odd, wearing it. It smells like May's house with little traces of Peter.

Your eyes drift back to the picture frames.

One such frame sits on top of the dresser, a photo of Peter and the man who you assume is Uncle Ben. He holds Peter in a headlock but they're both smiling at the camera. You smile too, tracing a finger around the wooden edges.

Another picture is of Peter and MJ and Ned, standing outside of MIT with their fingers pointing at the school. Another is of Peter and MJ sharing cotton candy at Coney. Another is of Peter as a little boy, with two people flanking his side that you do not know. You realize you'd never asked about Peter's parents.

There are other photos of him around that age with May and Ben, and as you piece together what feels like an undoubtedly tragic story, you catch something outside the window.

A person. Hanging onto the side of the house.

Your heart hammers in your chest as a hand pushes the window up, and then, "Did I scare you?" Spider-Man perches on the sill with what you can imagine is a shit-eating grin.

You stomp over to the window and shove at his shoulder, but he doesn't budge in the slightest, "You almost gave me a heart attack! Were you watching me get dressed?"

The mask's eyes blow open, "What? No! I swear I just got here."

"Do you ever use the front door?"

"Not if I can help it," he crawls in, staying planted by the window, "don't tell me you're snooping through Parker's things."

"I was just... looking. At the pictures. And Harry Osborn spilled his drink all over me so I had to borrow Parker's shirt."

"Hm. ESU looks good on you."

You look up at Peter, who keeps his hands tucked behind his back, leaning against the wall by the window. "Aren't you gonna say hi to the party? Make Parker look cool?"

"Eventually. Maybe. Might just watch from afar."

"No, nuh-uh. You said you had holiday plans and that you were going to a party. That doesn't count if you're watching from afar."

Peter's head sways to the side, "I never said this was the party I was going to."

"Is there another?"

"Well... maybe. Maybe not."

"Peter-" You whine, but he cuts you off.

"I'm not a party guy! Sue me."

"Well, then Parker's got you beat two for two. Unless you're lying, since I haven't given up on my conspiracy theory."

Peter presses himself off the wall, sauntering toward you in a zig-zag. Your eyes follow him, back and forth, back and forth, until he's a step or two away. His hand reaches out to play with one of your sleeves, its seams resewn with mismatched thread, "Leaving a party as Peter Parker to come back as Spider-Man. Give Parker some credit. That's the kind of plan you come up with in high school."

You shrug, trying not to act like Peter playing with your sleeve wasn't giving you goosebumps. "You never know."

Peter nods, "Yeah, you're right. I mean, he was really excited to see you."

"Oh yeah?" You swallow.

"Yeah. Was kind of pathetic, actually."

Peter shoots a web at the ceiling and twists, catching the web between his feet so he could hang upside down. The suddenness makes you stumble back with a breathless laugh, "That's not a very nice thing to say about a friend."

"Weren't you the one who said he'd be shaking and crying if you yelled at him?"

You sigh, "I was... I was teasing you."

"Because I'm Peter Parker."

He says it matter of fact. You stare at him, "Yeah," you whisper, "that's right."

He pulls himself up the web until he's face to face with you, "Then that wouldn't be very nice to say to a friend, would it?"

"No, it wouldn't. If you were Peter Parker, I guess I'd have to apologize to you."

"Yeah? How?"

You breathe deep. Everyone is still laughing downstairs. You become hyper-aware of the fact that you hadn't locked the door. At any moment, someone could walk in and...

Peter waits, curious.

Your fingers trace the lines of his jaw, pressing into the fabric of his mask, feeling over the ridges where black lines broke red. You know what you want to do. And you also know that there is no going back if you do it.

Your fingers reach the place where the mask meets the rest of his suit. Hooking two fingers under the fabric, you pull.

Your fingernails trace over the curve of his Adam's apple as it bobs, over the jut of his chin. Peter's breath is heaving. One of his hands releases its grip on the web and you see it glide toward yours out of the corner of your eye. You just feel the skin of his bottom lip under your finger when you realize how this might look. What he might think you're trying to do.

Mask in hand, questions of his identity hanging in the air, your curiosity and his vulnerability. You release the mask, awash with worry. You want to get it out before there's any misunderstanding, but as your hand drifts back to yourself, his catches it. You would give anything to know what he's thinking right now.

Peter lets your fingers fall. Silently, he drags the mask over the tip of his nose and leaves it resting there. An invitation. "I trust you." He promises. And kisses you.

He has to stretch a little to reach you. You understand this and press closer, taking the back of his head in your hands and holding it steady for you, but you know you're trembling. You curse yourself for how much your body reacts to this, how uncool you must look, how you shake with all the excitement and terror of this. You kiss him and feel silly about how you claimed to know his lips so well before now. That was nothing.

This is everything. So many things. Each time you go back in for more, you lock away some new little detail about him.

Peter places a hand against your neck and tugs you even closer, but the momentum makes him swing a little bit so his nose bumps your chin. You're too stiff to laugh, but he does, "Sorry," his voice is raspy, "this looked cooler in my head."

You lean into him, dizzied, "Was this... did you plan for me to kiss you? When you got up there?"

"I've wanted to kiss you plenty of ways." Peter's admission is followed by a sigh. He presses a hand to your chest and nudges you back a step before he's dropping to his feet and advancing upon you once more, bumping you against the dresser as the picture frames rattle. Your fingers sneak under his mask at the back of his head so they can sink into his silky hair.

He probably kisses you a hundred more times after that. Every kiss you think might be the last, but then you feel a tug in your chest and go in for one more. An itch that no scratch can soothe.

Peter's mask starts to slip and you feel one of his hands leave your waist to fix it, but the warmth your fingers had snuggled into disappears and-

You keep your eyes screwed shut, "Peter." You gasp against his mouth. Your fingers twitch in his hair, finding no resistance.

"It's okay," he nudges your nose with his, still pressing kisses to the corner of your mouth, "it's okay."

"But-"

"Don't you wanna know if you were right?"

You squeak when his lips find the underside of your jaw, "I don't need- you don't need to-"

"You're always right," Peter interrupts you, kissing down your neck, "I was never fooling you. You're so smart, you know that?"

"Peter." You say his name with no real plans for it to do anything, letting your head fall back.

"Please." He says back. Urging.

You lift your head, heart hammering away, and meet the eyes of Peter Parker.

[supernova-stardust]

A Habit to Kick (The Age-Old Curse)

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 after the break wip | rated M | jegulus | wolfstar | rosekiller | total word count: 19,273 full fic also on ao3

A few weeks ago, Regulus Black jumped off a bridge. It's not that he really wanted to die, but he didn't really want to live either. He didn't think anyone would care one way or another, if he's honest. Now he's stuck learning how to live.

James Potter was used to seeing Reg every day at the cafe he worked in, until one day he stopped coming in. When he finally sees the guy he's been crushing on come back into the cafe, he knew he had to take his chance at asking him out on a date.

***This fic deals with heavy themes of depression, lack of a will to live, and suicide, but will have a happy ending***

Regulus threw himself onto his bed and let out a heavy groan. He thought that nothing his brother did could surprise him anymore, but here he was, shocked. Sirius hadn't acted this immature since they both lived at home with their parents and Regulus had always assumed that it was in act of defiance more than anything else. He couldn't help but wonder what had triggered his brother to be so over-protective when he had been the one encouraging him to go on the date in the first place. He had to know what going on a date meant, right?

He pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the text thread with James, staring at the glaringly bright screen in contemplation. He started typing out a few messages before promptly deleting each one.

sorry about my bother

you're a great kisser

hey i had a nice time, sorry my brother ruined it

funny story, a few weeks ago i jumped off a bridge because i was so desperately lonely that it felt better than living with the fear of being forever alone, anyway that's why my brother is a fucking menace to society right now

He continued to stare at the open thread, wondering what he could even say, when a text from James popped up on the screen.

[James]: hey, i had an amazing time with you. i'd love to go on another date, is later this week too soon? i really want to see you again.

Regulus fumbled his phone from shock and then immediately began spiraling. Had James watched as Regulus typed and typed and typed, never sending a message of his own? Of course having the thread open, James would have seen that Regulus had read the text immediately. He quickly typed a reply.

[Regulus]: i would love that, my treat like we talked about. how's friday? [James]: friday's perfect, you plan and let me know details, but i'll plan to pick you up since you don't have a car? [Regulus]: sounds perfect, can't wait

James reacted to his message with a heart almost immediately and he felt a flutter of excitement in the pit of his stomach. Then, another text came through and Regulus nearly screamed. He probably would have if his brother and Remus weren't in his apartment to judge him.

[James]: can't wait to kiss you again [Regulus]: you have no idea how pissed i am at my brother for interrupting us [James]: i have some idea *exhaling emoji*

Regulus laughed, imaging James' face making the same expression. He heard a soft knock at his door and locked his phone as he placed it on his nightstand. "Go away, Sirius."

Sirius opened the door anyway, a sheepish look painted on his face. "Look, I know you don't want to see me right now—"

"You're right, I don't. Leave."

"I want to explain myself. Please?"

"I don't want to listen right now. Whatever it is, it can wait until I'm less pissed."

"Yeah, sure, I mean… I wanna believe that. I do. Except we both know that you don't get less pissed. You just ruminate."

"Let me ruminate, Sirius."

"Listen—"

"No, fuck off." Regulus grabbed a porcelain trinket tray from his bedside table and dumped the contents onto the surface before holding the tray up in his hand. "I will throw this at your head if you don't fuck off right now."

Sirius held his hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine. I'll be here when you're ready to talk." He left the room, closing the door gently behind him. As Regulus laid back, he overheard his brother and Remus talking in hushed tones in the hallway, but he wasn't able to make out what they were saying.

He appreciated both of them, he really did. He would even go so far as to admit to himself—never to Sirius—that they were a huge reason why he decided to follow through on all of the treatment he's been participating in. Sure, a huge lesson in therapy was that he needed to do it for himself, but he couldn't find it in himself to care about himself enough to get better right now. He did, however, care about Sirius. He cared about Remus. Maybe it was pathetic to consider his only reason for carrying on to be his brother and his brother's boyfriend, but it was the truth.

Fuck, he was pathetic.

***

In the morning, Regulus mindlessly went through his routine before going to the café, driven solely by the motivation to see James. As he hurried through the door, he immediately deflated upon seeing his least favorite barista behind the counter instead. Peter.

It wasn't that Peter was unpleasant, in fact the problem very well might have been that he was too pleasant. He was boisterous and what he lacked in ability, he made up for in friendly discussion and remembering every detail about each person who came through the door. He may have routinely burned himself with steamed milk, but he always had a laugh at himself about it. Regulus found him to be absolutely irritating.

"Want anything other than your black coffee, Reg?"

"No, thank you." Regulus replied curtly as he took out his cash.

"You sure? I know you don't usually grab anything to eat, but the almond croissants are especially good today." Peter gave him a smile that was far too cheerful for the early hour as he poured the cup of coffee.

"I'm good," Regulus deadpanned. He held out the cash for his coffee in a polite attempt to end the conversation, but when Peter placed the coffee on the counter, he reached into the pastry case. He placed an almond croissant on a plate and set it on the counter next to the coffee and Regulus gaped in shock.

"On the house," Peter said cheerfully. "Have a great day!"

When Peter didn't take the cash in Regulus' outstretched hand he placed it on the counter and picked up the coffee and the croissant. He stared at the abomination of a pastry the entire time he walked towards the back of the café. Placing his things down on the table and sitting down, he continued to glare at the croissant. It wasn't that he didn't like croissants—he did, very much so—but almond? Who on earth had thought to put the least impressive nut inside something so decadent as a croissant?

He sipped his coffee—it tasted terrible—and decided that today was going to be awful.

***

This was the first time Regulus had participated in group therapy that wasn't mandated by the hospital as a part of his treatment. Participated was a strong word, really. He sat in a metal folding chair and disassociated as everyone around him shared their traumatic backstory, a valid reason for their attempts at ending it all.

He couldn't help but to feel inadequate. First, his reasons for jumping off a bridge were trivial at best, and then he couldn't even kill himself properly.

None of his backstory was nearly as traumatic as anything he had heard here today. Here were people who had been terribly abused, neglected, and in one case quite literally tortured. Yet here he sat, among these people with real reasons to give up on living, with nothing but a little bit of religious trauma and loneliness to fuel his suicide attempt.

The group leader, Poppy, looked to him next. He had been so self-indulged in feeling sorry for himself that he hadn't heard what she said. "What?" Regulus asked, making it clear to the entire room that he hadn't been paying attention. He heard a few people laugh under their breath and he did his best to ignore them.

"Is there anything you'd like to share with us today, Regulus?" Poppy was kind, her voice gentle. He hair was pulled back in a way that would make many look severe and cruel, but on her it accentuated her softness. Everything from her face, to her voice, to her body was soft and sweet. She exuded a type of maternal energy that Regulus had longed to feel his entire life.

He resented her for it. It made him feel weak in the face of her questions.

"I— Well, I fired my therapist this week."

"Did something happen?" She asked, probing him to elaborate.

"Not really? I just…didn't like him." He answered like it was a question. When she didn't say anything he continued. "He was late to the appointment. He didn't bother to take the time to read my chart before our session. I just didn't feel like he cared, so I fired him."

"I've fired therapists before," a girl with platinum hair said in an airy voice. "The least they can do is be likeable. Awful of them to not be likeable, really."

"Pandora, we've talked about this. You can't villainize people because you don't like them. People are all individuals and not liking someone doesn't make them bad," Poppy admonished.

"Yes it does." Pandora answered so plainly that Regulus choked out a laugh.

Poppy leveled a reprimanding look towards Pandora before turning back to Regulus. "Have you found a new therapist then?"

"Uh…"

"Regulus, group therapy is a great tool to help in your recovery process, but one-on-one therapy is very important. Stay after for a few moments so I can give you a list of therapists who are taking new patients, okay?" Poppy said with no room for Regulus to argue.

Group therapy continued with Regulus staying silent throughout everyone else updating the group about their weeks and their goals. When Poppy asked Regulus what his goal for the week was, he said to find a new therapist, taking the easy way out so that he didn't have to think any further. He had been intending on it anyway, but now he was going to milk it for all that it was. As everyone got up to leave, Pandora gave him a smile and a wave before heading out with a skip in her step. Regulus followed Poppy to where she had left her belongings and she rifled through her bag to find the list of therapists she promised him.

"I try to keep this list up to date with therapists who are currently open for new patients and who would be able to see you soon, so you shouldn't need to call too many in order to get an appointment in the next week or so." Poppy pulled out the list and held it out to him. He hesitated for a moment before finally taking it in his hand and scanning it over.

"Do you know any of them personally?" He knew it was a bit of an invasive question, but Poppy was kind and if she knew any of these therapists herself, he hoped that her knowing them would be a bit of a filter in his search for the right therapist for him.

"I went to school with Sybil Trelawney. She's… Very kind. Different. She tends to be a bit outside of the box for most, but she means well. I find that sometimes it's refreshing to see things from her perspective though."

"Thanks," Regulus said and he meant it. "I'll give her office a call to make an appointment. I could do with a new perspective, I think."

"I hope it works out," Poppy said with a gentle smile as she grabbed her bag and followed him out the door.

When Regulus stepped outside, he saw Remus leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette and let out a groan. "I can walk home alone just fine, you know. It's only a fifteen minute walk."

Remus took a drag from his cigarette and exhaled, avoiding looking at Regulus as he did. "I know, I'm not here to babysit you."

Regulus leaned against the wall and held out his hand in a silent request to share the cigarette Remus was smoking.

"I didn't know you smoked," Remus said.

"I thought you weren't babysitting."

"Fair enough." Remus handed him the cigarette and watched Regulus take a long drag. When Regulus exhaled without coughing, Remus took out another cigarette from his pack and lit it. Regulus raised an eyebrow but continued to smoke. "You clearly need it."

"I do," Regulus laughed, a hollow and humorless thing. "Why are you here then?"

"I wanted to talk about your brother."

"I'd really rather not."

"I know, but we all have to live together for the next week or so and I'd rather it be peaceful. I can't handle the stress."

Regulus took another drag from his cigarette, his eyes fixed on the scars painting Remus' face as he mulled over his words. Life hadn't been kind to Remus—not when it came to the body he was forced to live in. Even at his young age, there were days where he struggled to get out of bed. Plagued by rheumatoid arthritis and lingering injuries from a childhood car accident, his joints would flare up in agony whenever the weather was particularly cold or when the stress was too heavy on his shoulders.

"You should quit smoking if you're so concerned with your health."

"Sure, and you should talk to your brother. We both have to do things we don't want to, I guess."

"Oh, come on." Regulus complained as he tilted his head back into the wall and stared at the overcast sky.

"You walked into that one, I'm afraid." Remus pushed himself off the wall and stubbed his cigarette out, pocketing the trash and giving Regulus a look that said let's go.

Regulus followed suit and the two of them walked towards his apartment in silent understanding. Neither of them were chatty or wanted to spill their guts out to one another, but they had always understood each other all the same.

"He didn't mean to ruin your date, you know." Remus said, breaking the silence when they were nearly home. "He just says shit sometimes, doesn't even think about it before it comes out of his mouth. I know you know what I mean, you grew up with him. He's mortifying sometimes. And protective. I know the impact overshadows his intentions, but he really does mean well. What you did—the whole jumping thing—it really fucked him up. He won't say it because he's trying not to make it about him, but it did. Fucked me up too, if we're having an honest moment here. I think you need to give him a little bit of grace to act childish right now. We're all coping the best we can."

"I'm not acting—"

"I'm not even gonna let you finish that sentence, you've been petulant and childish. You literally shoved him, Reg. And that's okay, we've been letting you act out. But you need to give Sirius the same grace, this happened to him too. He nearly lost his little brother and now he's doing the best he can to be strong and act like it didn't hurt so it's easier for you."

"Can we go back to unhealthy coping mechanisms? I want another cigarette."

"Nah, we just quit. Besides, we're home. I can't be seen as an enabler."

"We did not—Ugh, he's gonna smell it on us anyway." Regulus groaned as they walked up the walkway to his apartment. "Just one more, then I swear we can quit."

Remus rolled his eyes, but he reached into his pockets for his cigarettes and lighter anyway. "You're awful, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Regulus smirked, taking the cigarette from Remus' outstretched hand. He put it in his mouth and leaned into Remus' space as he lit the cigarette for him. "I can't help it though, I'm a byproduct of my upbringing. Just look at what a mess my brother is. Therapy can only do so much."

Remus laughed before lighting his own cigarette and taking a deep drag. "How was therapy anyway?"

"It was therapy? I don't know. It never seems to make much of a difference."

"You get out of it what you put in, you know." Remus shrugged. "Not saying that you're not putting in the effort, but you're not exactly known to be the most vulnerable guy around."

"I've already had terrible coffee, gone to therapy, been babysat by you, and now you want to give me more therapy?" Regulus inhaled his cigarette. "I'm gonna get a fucking migraine before I even talk to Sirius."

"Hey, I said I wasn't babysitting."

"Could have fooled me."

Remus chuckled and stubbed out his cigarette. "Fair enough, c'mon." He walked away and flicked his finger between Regulus' brows. "Sirius was in a good mood when I left."

Regulus trudged up the steps behind Remus and they walked inside together. He shoved his hands into his pockets in search of something to do with his body. Talking to his brother wasn't something that he was exactly pleased about—Sirius wasn't known to admit when he was wrong, but then again, neither was Regulus. Growing up, they couldn't show any sign of weakness, and admitting they were wrong was a huge weakness that they couldn't risk. He was trying to be better, though. The two of them had made huge progress in the last few years in regards to their relationship, but they also hadn't had many opportunities to fight as they had. Something about living together brought out the worst in both of them.

"Hey," Sirius said from the couch in the living room. His voice sounded small and unsure. "How'd it go?"

Regulus wasn't sure if Sirius was talking to him or to Remus, but he answered anyway. "It was fine. I got a new recommendation for a therapist. Gonna call tomorrow, I'm too beat to do it today."

Sirius nodded. "Good, that's… Good. I'm glad you found someone new."

Regulus sat on the couch next to him and watched Remus walk past the living room into the kitchen to busy himself. Close, but not intruding. Just present enough to help diffuse the situation if the brothers blew up at one another.

"Look, I— I'm sorry I shoved you."

"It's fine, Reggie, I get it. I'm sorry I ruined your date."

Regulus scoffed. "You didn't ruin my date, asshole. I'm seeing him again on Friday."

"Oi, then why did you get so pissed?"

"I said you didn't ruin my date, I didn't say you didn't ruin the moment. Which was amazing, by the way—"

"I really don't want to hear about how great making out was from my baby brother," Sirius complained.

"Then you shouldn't have interrupted the moment." Regulus leaned back into the couch and rested his head on his brother's shoulder. "I really like him, you know. He's not just in it for the sex, I think he actually wants to get to know me."

Sirius pulled him in closer, hugging his body and resting his head on top of Regulus' dark curls. "That's good, Reggie. I'm glad, honest. I want you to be able to come to me and talk about it, just… Don't tell me about your sex life. You can talk to Remus about that. Deal?"

"Deal."

"So… are we good?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"You stink like cigarettes," Sirius said solemnly into the quiet room. Regulus heard Remus choke on a laugh in the kitchen—clearly, he was eavesdropping.

"Don't ruin the moment. Remus and I quit today." Regulus said, including Remus in the whole concept of 'quitting' as punishment for babysitting and eavesdropping.

Sirius hummed. "Glad to hear it, he's needed to quit for a while."

***

"Oh, thank God it's you today," Regulus said as he walked into the café to find James working behind the counter.

"Well aren't you sweet," James said, laughing and pouring Regulus' coffee.

Digging through his bag for cash, Regulus snorted. "Peter is a fucking nightmare, James. Why does he still work here?"

"What, you're just happy to see me because Pete can't manage to brew a cup of coffee?" James gave him a mock pout and held his coffee just out of reach. "And here I thought I was special."

"You are, but Peter is so intolerable that he overshadows your greatness."

James stared at him in horror. "What did he do?"

"He made me take a croissant yesterday, wouldn't take no for an answer, and while I may have excused a plain croissant, he insisted that I try the almond one. Wouldn't take no for an answer. Almonds? In croissants? An abomination, truly. I swear he watched me the entire time I was here to see if I'd eat it." Regulus shook his head. "I didn't, for the record."

"What a terrible person he is," James said with mock outrage. "How dare he give out free croissants."

"Almond croissants, James."

"Yes, yes, you're right, love. Almond croissants. The horror."

Love. James said it so casually, Regulus was determined not to visibly react to the pet name, but internally he preened.

"Glad to know you're on my side on this." He said, his voice laced with sarcasm. "I-I wanted to warn you that my friends are stopping by here today to meet up. They… might be insufferable."

"Your friends? Evan and Barty?"

Regulus nodded. "We haven't touched base in person in a bit and since this is the only place I go to besides my apartment and therapy these days, they're trapping me into hanging out. I can't break my routines and they know it." He paused, realizing too late how much he had just divulged to James in that moment. What was it about him that made Regulus feel as though he could say anything that came to mind?

"I think that's good of them," James said.

"Good of— Huh?" Regulus was speechless.

"Yeah, I mean, we all want to be seen, right? Seems like they see you for who you are and work with you."

What was with this guy?

"How are you so fucking perfect all the time?"

"I-I'm not, but I have done a lot of therapy myself. Teaches you things, y'know?"

"Yeah," Regulus said softly. "I suppose it does." He grabbed his coffee from the counter and hoisted his bag higher on his shoulder. "Are you working tomorrow?"

"I'm not, but I'll see you tomorrow night? What time should I pick you up?"

"Let's shoot for 6, but I might be a little anxious and take a few minutes longer. Just… text me when you're there this time? I'll come out. I don't really want to have my brother ruin another date for us already."

"Can't wait." James gave him a soft smile. A blush dusted his cheeks and Regulus couldn't help but stare for an extra moment before turning away to allow James to continue his work.

Regulus settled into his usual booth, pulling his headphones on and placing his laptop and coffee on the table in front of him. He opened the outline of his novel and stared at the screen, hoping that a revelation to the plot would come to him. It didn't, of course, but staring at the screen while sipping coffee was a necessary component to writing a novel.

After working for a while, he glanced up to see Evan and Barty enter the café hand in hand and waved at them. Evan waved back as Barty walked up to the counter. Regulus' hearing was still impaired by his noise-canceling headphones, but very quickly he could tell that Barty was being a menace. He pulled his headphones off and pushed his way out of the booth towards his friends.

Evan immediately pulled him into a hug, which was… strange. They weren't huggers. In fact, he couldn't remember ever hugging Evan when he was sober.

"Uh, hi?" Regulus tried to pull away, but Evan just pulled him in tighter.

"I need you to promise not to kill Bee," Evan said under his breath.

"Sure."

"He's hitting on James."

"I take it back, he's dead."

"Reg, you promised."

"I lied."

Evan locked his arms around Regulus and spun them around so he was facing Barty. "Bee, I can't hold him back any longer, abort mission."

James and Barty laughed in unison and it immediately soothed Regulus' frayed nerves. He was worried that his friends were going to be too much. He knew that they were loud, silly, and overall a lot to handle. Most people were surprised by the fact that Regulus was a part of their group, but those people didn't know any of the trio well enough to know how perfectly they all fit together. Three completely different people perfectly designed to balance each other out.

"Aw, Reg, are you jealous?" Barty teased. He came up to where Evan was still hugging Regulus tightly and wrapped his arms around both of them, sandwiching Regulus between them. He planted a kiss on Evan's lips and then on the top of Regulus' head. "You have nothing to fear, James rejected me. Can you believe it?"

"Well, now that I know the three of you are that close," James said suggestively.

"Now you've done it," Regulus said.

"Done what?" James asked.

"Barty isn't gonna rest until he's gotten you into bed with us now," Evan sighed. "He practically begs Reg for a blowjob at every opportunity."

"Speaking of—"

"No." Evan and Regulus said in unison.

Regulus looked up to James in an attempt to gauge his comfort level. After their conversations around sex and dating, Regulus was nervous that Barty's forwardness and constant flirting would be abrasive, but James' eyes were crinkled with laughter and his expression was open. He wriggled his way out of his friend's embrace and glared at the two of them. "Can't you act normal for five minutes? At least long enough to properly greet someone?"

Barty and Evan adjusted themselves so that Barty had his arm slung over Evan's shoulder and Evan nestled himself into the crook of Barty's body. They couldn't help but to touch each other at every possible moment they were together. Two halves of a whole, with just enough space for Regulus and their mildly codependent queer platonic relationship.

"What's normal, Reg?" Evan asked. "Don't tell me you're getting boring in your old age. You used to be the wildest of us all."

James watched them carefully as he worked on making their coffees, silently observing and absorbing every detail that the three of them revealed.

"I was not," Regulus gaped. "Don't make shit up just to embarrass me in front of James."

"No, he's right," Barty said. "I might have always been the one that people expected to be crazy, but you're the one who always encouraged me and you can't even deny it."

"How crazy are we talking here?" James asked as he placed their coffees down on the counter in front of them. "Threesomes crazy or passing out from drinking crazy? Drugs?"

"Yes," Evan and Barty said in unison. Regulus had the fleeting thought that maybe he should have tried harder to kill himself—at least then he wouldn't be stuck in this conversation right now.

James laughed. He was expecting to be judged, but instead James said something that surprised them all. "I've been there too, I just wouldn't expect it from Reg—He's so quiet and unassuming."

"Not once he's had a few shots," Evan teased.

Regulus' eyes widened in shock, ignoring Evan in favor of finding out anything new he could from James' past. "You told me—"

"That doesn't mean that I've been a virtuous priest my entire life, Reg."

"I like him," Barty said with a maniacal grin plastered on his face.

"We know," Evan smirked. "Let's go sit, yeah?" He moved to grab his coffee. "Thanks, James. It was great to meet you. Let's all get together sometime when you're not working and you can tell us all about your party days."

"Sounds great, it was nice meeting you guys too."

"Bye James," Barty sing-songed. "I'll miss you."

Regulus smacked Barty upside the back of his head as they walked together towards his table in the back of the café. "I could kill you, you know. I'm rich enough to pay off the cops and no one would ever find your body."

"You'd miss me too much and we all know it," Barty said.

They piled into the booth and Regulus put away his laptop to make space for his friends.

"So, how's writing going?" Evan asked, always one to start with a safe subject with Regulus. He was aware that his friend did this to help him put his guard down and while a part of him resented it, a bigger part of him appreciated that Evan always went out of his way to soften the blow of whatever heavier conversation they were about to have.

"Not great, honestly. I haven't been feeling inspired, I guess. Haven't written much the last few days."

"Maybe it's because you need to stop writing about murder and start writing romance," Barty suggested, leaning in conspiratorially. "How did the date go?"

"Barty, he's right there," Evan whispered.

"He can't hear us all the way over here. C'mon, spill."

Regulus sighed and took a sip of his coffee to delay the inevitable. "It was amazing."

"Why do you sound so put out by it?" Evan asked.

"Because, I just— He's so sweet, I'm afraid I'll ruin him."

"Was the sex good? I just know that man fucks like—"

"We didn't have sex." Regulus said quickly to avoid hearing whatever Barty was going to say next.

"You— What?" Barty sputtered in complete shock. Evan, however, looked pleased.

"We didn't have sex. He's… I think he's demisexual? He told me he hasn't gone on more than one or two dates with other men before, which… I was worried meant that he was just experimenting by dating me, but he says he's sure that he's queer so… I don't fucking know. He's sweet and fucking beautiful and I can't stop thinking about him, so I'm just gonna keep going at whatever pace he sets. Follow his lead."

"I'm impressed. Dare I say, proud?" Evan said. "I think this will be great for you, Reg. Even if it doesn't go further, just going on dates with someone without the expectation of it leading to sex is so important. And god, he really is beautiful. Did you guys kiss? Please tell me you kissed."

Regulus groaned. "You're never gonna fucking believe this."

He recounted the story of how amazing their first kiss had been, and then how it was immediately interrupted by his brother being absolutely terrible. The three of them laughed and made fun of Sirius, and caught up on everything they had missed out on in the last few weeks, completely ignoring the elephant in the room that was Regulus' attempt. It was like they had all made a silent agreement to never talk about it again, so long as Regulus was continuing his treatment and seemed to be improving. And he had to admit, at least to himself, that things did seem to be improving.

For the first time in a long time, Regulus felt content and was looking forward to the next day.

[annaphoenix1994]

The First Stepping Stone

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

»»-------¤-------««

"Good morning, Simon." Bud nodded at him while leaning against the panel that held up the round pen - a pen for working young or "problem" horses by experienced wranglers on the ranch. 

"Good morning, sir," Simon replied, looking over his shoulder to ensure Baler was on his best behavior, putting the decision in his head that Baler would have a much harder time earning his keep if he pissed off Kiera's father. 

Especially her mother. 

"I have a new stall cleaner for you." 

Bud arched a brow at Simon before looking at the roughed-up teenager before him - his clothes nearly tattered and stained by dirt and debris from his time homeless on the street. "A little young to be put on the payroll, huh?" 

"He won't be working for money, sir. He'll be working to earn his keep." 

"His keep?" 

"It was Kiera's decision I'm afraid." 

"Say no more. I won't get in the middle of that girl's decisions," Both Simon and Bud chuckled, Bud making eye contact with Baler. "Don't take advantage of her kindness, son. It's easy to lose her trust and twice as hard to get it back." 

"O-Okay-"

"That's not what you say," Simon warned in a low tone, slightly nudging his arm with his elbow. "It's yes, sir." 

Baler cleared his throat, "Y-Yes, sir." 

Bud flashed Simon a reassuring and hopeful smile, "What're you having him doing today?" 

"Cleaning stalls, maybe cleaning a few saddles, whichever I think might need done." 

"Will Kiera be coming down to join us?" 

"She said she will later," Simon replied. "She said she will in the afternoon when it warms up a bit." 

Bud nodded, "Alright. I reckon I get to oversee Johnny and Teeter today." 

"Best of luck to you, sir," Simon chuckled. "Where's everyone else?" 

"I have such a hard time remembering your comrade's names except for John, but they're all with him and a few other wranglers checking the fences in the upper pasture before we push the cattle up. You plan on coming with us when we do?" 

"I plan on it. This is my last week of work before my vacation time takes over." 

"Good to hear. You deserve a break." 

"Thank you. I feel like I need more time here to help out Kiera with the kids and around the house." 

Bud couldn't help but smile at Simon's response. A true man, he thought, appreciative of Simon's behavior towards his daughter, eager to see how much of a great father he would become throughout the years as well as being an important figure to Baler. Perhaps a father figure. "You'll be off just in time for our annual family get-together, too," He winked. "Say, would you like to come out turkey hunting with me sometime before then? Saw a bunch of 'em on the ridge. A big tom caught my eye, and that bastard is big enough to feed this family twice for Thanksgiving." He explained. 

Simon chuckled, "Sure. When were you thinking?" 

"Well, I was thinking about going out tomorrow morning or this weekend." 

"I'll be off after Friday. Saturday morning?" 

"Sounds good with me. Don't make Kiera mad between now and then. She won't let you go!" He poked. 

Simon couldn't help but chuckle and shrug, "Nah, she's hardly ever mad at me. I've insisted on staying home so much to help her out, she wants me to go do things for myself." 

"I'll have to agree with her on that, son," Bud shrugged. "But I'll leave you to it with our new associate." He poked. 

"Exciting, yeah?" 

"Very," Bud chuckled, walking towards the hitching post his horse was tethered to, mounting up after adjusting his chaps. "Eva is making dinner tonight. You and Kiera should come. We miss our grandkids... Even though we haven't seen 'em in a day." 

"We'll be there." 

"W-What about me?" Baler dared to ask Simon as he escorted him into the barn. 

"What do you mean?" 

"The dinner? Can I come?" 

"Do you think you should?" 

"I mean... What else am I supposed to eat tonight if you and her aren't going to be home?" 

"Do you think you earn the privilege to join her parents for dinner tonight when you took advantage of Kiera's hospitality by trying to break into her truck in the middle of the night just to scout out the same advantage in the home of her parents?" 

"N-No?" 

"We'll see," Simon huffed, already knowing that he'd be toting along another dinner guest. "The decision won't be made until after your work today." 

"What am I doing?" 

"You'll start by cleaning the stalls that don't have a horse in them. Then, you'll pick out the stalls with horses in them." Simon explained, pointing to the wheelbarrow and manure rake that hung close by. 

"Can you show me?" 

"It's not rocket science, lad," He scoffed. "You go in there, pick up the shite with the rake, then put it in the wheelbarrow. That's it." 

"What do I do when it's full?" 

"You take it out that way and dump it in the pile." 

"W-Where will you be while I'm doing this?" 

"Don't worry about where I'll be," Simon arched his brow, knowing Baler only asked the question to get by as lazily as possible. Unbeknownst to Simon, Baler had only asked Simon this as he was beginning to worry about earning Simon's respect and trust, not wanting him to see Baler fail in a job that was supposed to be simple. 

Baler had never worked before and especially never had to be put into a position where he had to earn someone's respect in exchange for a better life. 

"Just focus on getting the job done. You have twenty-four stalls to clean." 

"O-Ok-" Baler gulped, watching Simon's brow arch as if he was waiting for a better response. "Yes, sir." 

"Better." 

»»-------¤-------««

Four hours later, Kiera greeted Simon at the round pen, smiling as she watched him work with his preferred horse on the ground to keep himself busy as well as increase his bond with the horse, thanking the gelding for keeping his mind distracted every time Simon swung his leg over the gelding's back. Horses really are good for a broken soul. 

"Turning into quite the horse whisperer, I see." She smiled, adjusting the carrier that was strapped to her torso, effortlessly carrying both twins at the same time - Jacob on her back and Evie against her chest. 

Simon looked her way after he heard her voice, receding his body language to inform the horse that he could break from a trot to a walk, the gelding licking his lips as he approached his handler, Simon petting him between the eyes before he walked towards the fence to meet Kiera, smiling as he leant over to press a kiss to her lips as his free hand cupped the back of Evie's head. "Always trying to better my horsemanship, love," He chuckled against her lips. "You're definitely mum of the year for toting them all the way down here by yourself. Although I wish you would've called me so I could come up and help you. Don't need you falling." 

She giggled, "This carrier is a life-saver. It definitely takes the strain off of my back. And, it's not so bad of a walk. Helps me maintain my weight." She poked. 

"Stop with that bloody nonsense," He warned. "I don't see a thing wrong with you." 

"Mhm," She giggled. "I brought you and Baler some lunch." 

"What'd you bring?" 

"Guess you'll have to find out," She smiled. "Where's Baler?" 

"In the barn. Your father wants us at the lodge for dinner tonight." 

"I'm looking forward to it." 

"What about the kid?" 

Kiera furrowed her brows at his question, "Uh... He was going to come with us?" 

"Okay." 

"What's going through your mind?" 

He huffed, "Are you sure you want him meeting your parents after the shite he pulled last night?" 

"Well, would you rather him stay at the house when nobody is home?" She arched a brow. 

"No." 

"I was thinking about taking him into town to get a new outfit. Do you want to go with me?" 

"I'd rather go with you," He sighed, knowing that he couldn't compromise with a decision she had already made. "I don't want you to have to worry about keeping up with our two and something happen with him. Not on my watch." 

"Okay, well have him finish up whatever he's doing and meet me back at the house." 

"How about you wait here and I'll escort you back to the house?" 

"That works. Then you two can sit and eat your lunch before we go into town." 

Simon nodded, leading his horse behind him as he walked behind Kiera, entering the barn and watching Baler hastily move to the side to let Kiera and Simon through. "Hi, Miss Kiera." 

"How are you, Baler?" 

"Working." He nodded, licking his lips of nervousness as Kiera and Simon together made him more nervous than just Simon alone. Even though Simon wasn't as suffocating when he and Kiera were in the same room, but Baler sensed a presence that he didn't want to interfere with. 

And that was the presence Simon presented when he and Kiera's babies were in the room. I wish my dad was as protective over me, Baler thought, frowning at the distant memory of never feeling loved and appreciated throughout his childhood. 

Kiera nodded as she began looking at the open stall doors, nodding her head in approval at the work he had done, leaving no manure behind as it was clear he was focused on leaving as much shavings behind with no manure left in the stalls. "I, um, I also refilled the water buckets after I finished cleaning out the stalls... I left the doors open so that he could check my work." He explained. 

"You did good, lad," Simon complemented, watching Baler nod as it was clear Baler had rarely received complements throughout his life. "How many more do you have left?" 

"S-Six, sir. The six being with the horses still in there. I-I was going to do them first, but I'm nervous around horses..." 

"That's okay," Simon nodded. "You're done for right now." 

"Sir?" 

"Let's go. We have to go into town." 

Baler nodded, wiping his palms against his jeans as he followed Kiera and Simon towards the house, nervously standing at the front door as he watched Simon help Kiera with the babies, watching how a soft smile spread across Simon's face as he held his son in his arms, watching as Simon seemed to turn off the switch of being a domineering and direct man turned into a soft and supple father, seeming to handle his children as if they were made of glass as he gazed at Kiera with loving eyes, seeming to appreciate her in every moment for not only being his, but being the mother of his children. 

It was then that Baler regretted coming off to a bad start with Simon. He didn't want to be rejected by him nor did he always want to fight for his trust and approval. 

"Um, Miss Kiera? Where are we going?" 

"We're taking you into town to get some clothes. You're coming with us to dinner tonight at my parent's house." She smiled. A mother's smile. 

"I am?" 

"You worked hard today for your first day. You've earned it." 

He forced himself to hide a genuine smile, "Th-Thank you." 

"You're welcome. We're going to get you a couple of pairs of jeans, shirts, and socks. Simon will go with you to get your basic stuff." She explained. 

"I am?" Simon questioned. 

"Well, I don't know anything about underwear and deodorant for boys." She scoffed. 

"You sure know about taking mine off." Simon mumbled under his breath, earning a playful smack to his bicep. 

"You keep that up and I won't for a while." She glared playfully, watching him roll his eyes at her remark. "That's what I thought." 

He smirked at her, gently putting Jacob into the car seat he had sat on the counter, using the overhead light to his advantage to ensure he secured him properly and to keep him off the floor as Kimber was notorious for trying to get into the carrier with either Jacob or Evie. "Can you help Baler get freshened up before we leave?" 

"How is he going to freshen up if he doesn't have a change of clothes?" 

"Well, there's an extra stick of deodorant and an extra toothbrush in the closet. When we get him new clothes, I'll show him where the shower is so he can get ready for dinner tonight." 

"Alright," Simon nodded, adjusting Jacob's carrier closer to the inside of the table to reassure himself that he wasn't too close to the edge while Kiera sat Evie into her carrier, smiling down at the infant as she adjusted the socks on her small feet. Simon gestured towards Baler, leading him towards his and Kiera's bedroom before putting his hand out and telling him to wait at the door while Simon proceeded into the bathroom and to the closet, returning with a stick of deodorant and a new toothbrush. "This is yours. Freshen yourself up before we go into town." 

"O-Okay. Where do I go to brush my teeth?" 

Simon sighed as he led the kid towards the guest bathroom that was within the hallway, hating the fact that it was next to the nursery, the primal instinct of not wanting Baler too close to his children until he earned his complete trust, knowing that it was going to take a lot of work to break down the wall of trust Baler broke down in the worst way possible. "We're leaving in ten." 

"Yes, sir." 

Simon nodded, returning into the kitchen to offer his assistance to Kiera. Seeing that she had secured Evie into her car seat, he smirked as he carefully wrapped his arms around her tender abdomen, pressing a kiss to the crook of her neck. "Been waiting to do this all day." 

She hummed in amusement, leaning her head to the side subtly to invite him for more kisses to her neck, "Sounds like he respects you more already." 

"He's nowhere near having my respect yet, he's just on a stepping stone." 

"I think he's growing on you." 

Simon scoffed in disagreement. 

"You say that now, but you know he's growing on you." 

"Like a weed." He joked. 

"I mean, I think he's growing on you like Soap did..." 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ignoring a dog?

title sounds bad but idk how to phrase it. I (25f) live in the sticks, middle of nowhere. like twenty minutes from a gas station, dirt road off a dirt road. my community is VERY small, so I know almost everyone and their dogs/cats.

I knocked doors (think Get Out the Vote type stuff) for work for years. I love that kind of work, I am so excited to eventually get back to it. but an unfortunate side effect has been that I am scared of dogs that I don't know. most dog owners ime don't train them. even when the dogs are friendly, I am worried w them bc I am disabled and getting knocked down can seriously injure me more easily than most. I still love dogs IF I know them, and actually have one myself.

i was on my way home from work and saw this very fancy, purebred dog in a field. it was a larger dog, one of the kinds where they crop the tail and ears (I think it's mean to do this but irrelevant). I'd never seen it before, my community is poor and idk anyone who even has the money for a dog like that, and I'd have remembered if I'd seen it before bc it's so strange for here. It had a collar, and was in a big field miles away from any houses without anyone around. so it was clearly lost, and probs belongs to someone's family member/friend from a big city.

I kept driving. I wanted to stop for it, bc it's clearly someone's dog, not from the area, and probably not aware of country life. cars go by fast on the paved roads, there's bears, coyotes, wolves, ticks, etc. and it's a very northern place so it's still cold enough to where I have a timer going when I let my dog out so her paws don't freeze.

I didn't stop bc 1.) idk this dog, so I was nervous about it, 2.) if I did stop and it wasn't aggressive towards me, how would I know it wouldn't be towards my dog or my cats? 3.) we don't have shelters here just bc the community is so small so idk what I'd do w it if I couldn't find the owners and I really can't take in another animal atm- financially, food would be fine but I wouldn't be able to cover an extra vet bill if something awful happened, and don't have the time to re-home an animal responsibly and 4.) I'm gonna be honest, it was Friday, the work week was really long, it was cold, and I was having a rough day and ready to get home and relax.

I feel like an asshole bc I always stop and pick up my neighbors dogs when they get out bc there's so much dangerous shit here, between wildlife, cars and the cold.

[viviennewestwooddoll]

I Hope You Had The Time Of Your Life Ch. 1

BSD High School AU

title stole from Green Day

wc: 3k

dt to hannah for proofreading and helping me make the character sheets for this

don't take anything i write serious this was purely made for comedy lol

Tags: crack fic, high school au, slowburn kinda?, minors using substances (weed and alcohol), brain rot, american hs experience, me projecting

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Summer had passed by, memories of the season drifting afar. Which in turn, means the students of Yokohama high school were set to return on the first of September. Obviously, nobody was excited. 

Atsushi Nakajima had spent his summer slaving away at Chick Fil A. The pay was terrible, but he wasn't in it for the money. Moreso, on the last day, Kunikida Doppo, his upperclassman, ranted to him about the importance of staying busy over the summer for colleges to see, and how good it would look on his transcript.

“Atsushi, you cannot fall into lazy patterns over the summer. You don't want to be unemployed like Dazai,” he said, sneering at the man who lazily laid in the courtyard during their lunch break. 

“Kunikida, not everyone wants to spend their life working for someone, I have the rest of my life to want to kill myself from working a 9-5, so let me be a bum a bit until then, mkay?” Dazai said smugly without even bothering to look up

Before Kunikida could even respond to Dazai by yelling, Atsushi interrupted.

“Okay fine, I need extra cash anyways,” he said, thinking of all the Chazuke he could buy that summer. 

Atsushi's first mistake was believing Kunikida when he said it was a good job. The amount of times he worked longer than minors were even allowed to, waking up at 6 AM on a saturday to get to work by 7, and standing under the scorching sun with a  stupid smile plastered on his face made him want to just throw off his namepin and quit. But, he enjoyed the routine in a way. Despite the annoyances of rude customers and such, he enjoyed having a purpose and working towards something, in this case his $7/hour pay (money is money) and did not want to be rotting his summer away. 

Unfortunately for him, when Dazai found out his schedule, he would never know peace again. 

“Hey Atsushi,” Dazai once slurred. 

It was almost 10 PM on a Friday, and Dazai appeared beside Chuuya Nakahara in his red camry, who seemed aggravated. 

“Im high as fuck” Dazai said slowly, grinning. 

Atsushi stood there, petrified, what was he supposed to do? He couldn't just yell at Dazai for bothering him at work, especially since he was under the influence, because his boss will definitely see and fire him for “not putting the customer first”, then call the cops on Dazais since he was a minor and reeking of weed. 

“I'm sorry Atsushi,” Chuuya said, giving him a sympathetic look. “He was pissing me off and said he said he would shut up once he had Chick-Fil-A, never thought you worked here or I wouldn't have taken him here. Probably McDonalds or Cookout.”

“Are you..” Atusshi asked, confused if Chuuya was driving while stoned.

Chuuya smirked, “Fuck yeah, but my tolerance is better than this motherfucker,” he said, pointing to Dazai staring straight and laughing at nothing. 

Atsushi stood meekly with the tablet, unsure how to handle this.

“Um okay, what do you want?” He sighed.

“I'll get the grilled sandwich and a diet lemonade, coach is making us cut since the season is about to start,” Chuuya said flatly as he rolled his eyes.

“Yo Dazai, what do you want? Don’t drain my wallet–the auto shop doesn't pay me as much as you think,” Chuuya said as he turned to Dazai, who Atsushi was now concerned for if he was greening out or not.

“Atsushi, what's the cheapest thing you have here?” Dazai said, suddenly focused.

“Probably a kids meal,” Atsushi said, as he added a 5 ct nugget with a toy.

“Okay, get me that. And then get me 20 more of those.” Dazai said, giggling like a little school girl. 

“WHAT THE-” Chuuya angrily turned, screaming at the man.

Atsushi stood awkwardly, watching the scene of Chuuya strangling Dazai. They argued whether or not Dazai would get 20 kids' meals, then if Dazai would get to keep all 20 toys. Before they could kill each other, he butted in.

“You do realize we close in five? If you both want food, its a yes or no-”

“YES,” Dazai screamed as he leaned over Chuuyas seat to submit the order through Atushi’s tablet.

“THERES NO FUCKING WAY YOU DID THAT– DUMBASS BITCH YOU’RE PAYING FOR YOUR SHIT”

Atushsi rolled his eyes, submitting the order as he swiped Chuuyas card, going to warn his co workers or the 100 nuggets they would prepare in 5 minutes (he would be outcast for weeks because of this incident). 

School was on the cusp of starting, leaving Atsushi dreading balancing work and his academics as well as lacrosse.

As he watched the mindless tiktoks Dazai sent him which rotted his attention span and brain capacity, he saw that Tanizaki had texted him through Snap. 

heluvsnaomi: hey atsushi

beastbeneaththesheets: yea?

heluvsnaomi: you got your schedule yet? Mine is so bad bro

beastbeneaththesheets: damn i didnt even check

beastbeneaththesheets: shit mines bad, i have foods, math 2, biology but then journalism so W

heluvsnaomi: ok we have our last two together at least lets go

heluvsnaomi: is akutagawa in any of your classes?

Atsushi scoffed, remembering whose name that belonged to.

 Akutagawa was the most miserable person he knew. He has stupid headphones on at all times; Atsushi once peeked over to see who was playing and Akutagawa glared at him, then showed up the next day with a privacy screen. That really pissed Atsushi off. It's not like he's asking him his deepest secret, he was just curious to what bands someone as moody as Akutgawa would like. He’s very antisocial and uncomfortable to talk to. Atsushi had tried to get to know him, and was rudely ignored by him. After that, Atsushi had a grudge towards him, to which Junichiro agreed was valid. When he brought up his name in a rant to Dazai as they did their daily Fortnite grind, Dazai laughed, saying he used to “bully the shit out of him” in middle school. Even though Akutagawa was rude, Atsushi couldn't help but feel bad. To which extent, Dazai admitted calling him emo and teasing him for his hobbies, which Atushsi disapproved of making someone feel ashamed for being passionate in their interests. 

beastbeneaththesheets: fuck let me check

Atsushi logged onto canvas, praying he would never interact with Akutagawa again. But to his dismay, he wouldn't achieve this dream. 

Foods 2: Akutagawa Ryunosuke 

Math 2: Akutagawa Ryunosuke 

Biology Honors: Akutagawa Ryunosuke 

Of course he's in every one of my classes, the white haired boy thought to himself. He sighed, screenshotting and sending it to both Dazai and Tanizaki. This better be a filler year I swear. Unfortunately for Atsushi, he never did quite get what he wanted. 

At 6:30 AM, Atsushi Nakajimas alarm went off. He got ready with his new clothes he had gotten for his back to school shopping, and prepared his bag with his charged chromebook. He waited at the bus stop, getting ready to close his eyes for a bit before he saw Tanizaki. 

“Yo Atsushi!” the orange haired man waved to him. Atsushi smiled, taking a seat with him. 

“Hey man, how’ve you been? Haven't seen you since that party Yosano threw for the fourth of July,” Atsushi said as he threw his bag on the floor. 

“You know the usual,” he said with a shrug, as if it was a cue, his weird sister Naomi came to hug him from behind. They were very close, and Tanizaki pushed her off. Atsushi smiled awkwardly, nodding towards her. 

I need off this bus, he thought to himself. 

As the bus approached his school, Atsushi walked with Tanizaki, Naomi now chatting with their fellow classmate Haruno. 

“I don't know what I'm gonna do, Akutagawa is in every single class except journalism, but usually journalism will only ever be us,” Atsushi sighed. 

“That sucks, I'd actually fight my counselor,” Tanizaki laughed. 

“Right ugh, I guess I’ll see you at lunch though right? Kunikida has lunch with us too, so that's good at least.” Atsushi asked.

“The courtyard right?” Tanizxaki asked as he approached his class.

Atusshi nodded, parting ways with him. He just had to thug out this semester, and he would be fine. It's not like he would be interacting with Akutagawa at every given moment of the day, right? 

Atsushi walked in, recognizing everyone that he hadn't seen since last year. Being a student council officer (another role that was forced upon him) had its perks, he had to interact with everyone and learned a bit of each student. He had class, of course with Yosano and Ranpo. Both were the most unserious duo he knew. Ranpo often offended teachers with his backtalk, and would always go to the office but of course, since he had fostered a close relationship with Fukuzawa, he was able to talk him out of any trouble with the principal Natsume; he never got in any actual trouble. His fat ass was always eating in the back of classes, at least Atsushi assumed he was. Ranpo was super smart, having taken all AP classes the school provided, never interacting with Atsushi last year because of that, as well as for the former being a freshman while the latter being a junior. He had met him in journalism, which Dazai convinced him to join when he came to represent the class as a promoter, prompting the incoming freshman to join, successfully persuading Atsushi. The class was nothing like Dazai said it was, being more grueling and on a time crunch rather than the “filler block” Dazai promised (maybe for him it was, since all he did was sleep in the room that contained the computers to edit and archives of the newspaper spanning to the 70s). Despite that, he loved the class, meeting his closest friends, as well as gaining a new sense of confidence from being forced to interact with all types of students, making him sure of himself. Ranpo was the opinion editor, a filling role for him since he always had something to say. In fact, Atsushi's first day of journalism in which he pitched his ideas for the paper had Ranpo telling him “his idea was shit” without a stutter. Atsushi almost quit right there. He could contribute the least, yet always have the most popular page.  That was Ranpo for you, being naturally talented in creating eye-catching visuals and attention-grabbing headlines. Then there was Yosano, his partner in crime. She was one of the most blunt people Atsushi knew, circling such minor mistakes such as expletives on a paper, and making Atsushi feel self conscious of his writing. Outside the class though, she was a raging party girl, in which her private spam “yosanoandranpolovealcohol” had fostered a series of (mainly) Yosano drunkenly singing or doing insane things that cannot be mentioned. She was never one to back down from someone picking on the underclassmen, having argued with their classmates for being rude to Atsushi when he was more shy.  For that, Atsushi respected her.

“Hey Atsushi,” Yosano called out to him. “Haven't seen you since Fourth of July!” 

Atushsi smiled, approaching their station. 

“How do you even remember that? Me and Poe had to drag you upstairs before you barfed and embarrassed yourself,” Ranpo snickered, eating their materials to cook for the day. 

Yosano glared at him. “Its called high toleranc-” this time Atsushi laughed. 

“Sorry Yosano, I didn't take you to have a high alc tolerance,” Atsushi snorted. 

“Just wait until I get your first draft, Atsushi,” she said, staring at him with a straight face.  

Atsushi’s eyes widened, now walking towards his own station fearing for his safety. 

He continued scoping the room, seeing randoms, as well as Tachihara and Motojiro Kaji, the latter his upperclassman Yosano swore to murder, in which she retold a story from freshman year of him saying they failed a lab because Yosano “was a stupid girl who couldn't follow instructions”.  Needless to say, Kaji and Yosano were both sent to the office that day from broken beakers and spilled chemicals. Tachihara, on the other hand, was in his grade. He was always stoned, being the epitome of the word stoner. He was always in the stalls, his fryd bar masking any smell in the bathroom, but Atsushi didn't think it smelt any better than that. Everyone knew that if you wanted a smoke, all you had to do was slide up in his DMS and you could get high faster than Kaji exploded that lab. He was loud, often hanging around Chuuya, so it didn't take one too long to consider what Nakahara did in his free time. Despite that, he was rather chill, but Atsushi didn't really care much for him. 

Then he spotted that messy black hair, with a case of a badly cut fringe. Ryunosuke Akutagawa. Atsushi sighed, glaring at him as he walked in. He can't forget the time he offered him a bracelet for student council and Akutagwa said no, purposely bumping into him to spill the entire basket of dozens of bracelets

Sitting at a random table by himself, Atushsi smirked, seeing that he had no friends. Serves him right for being so moody. As the teacher walked in, she saw that everyone was sitting in whatever seat. Sighing, she clapped her hands, grumbling how nobody paid attention to the name tags she had placed on each table. Looking around, he saw Tachihara nodding at Yosano, trading with her so she didn't have to sit next to Kaji since her assigned seat would have been there, fearing for an incident that would leave his friend in the office again, as well as just wanting to have a familiar face rather than listen to Ranpo be a know-it-all. 

So whos sitting next to m-

Akutagawa Ryunosuke, 10th Grade

Atusushi groaned, seeing Akutagawa approach him, refusing to make eye contact. As the teacher began her introduction, she moved onto actually instructing them to cook.

Atsushi nudged Akutagawa. “So you going to listen, or am I gonna cook for both of us,” he said solemnly. 

“I can figure it out myself, how hard is cooking anyways?”

Well apparently impossible. 

Akutagawa managed to make something that crossed a biohazard and chemical waste, how? Atsushi couldn't tell you. 

“Dude! You used all our materials! We’re so cooked we couldn't even redo it because class is over. I told you to let me help you, I actually listened to her instructions unlike you!” He practically yelled, garnering everyone's attention. 

“Like I would trust any food you make. You wouldn't do any better than me anyways,” Akutagawa said, rolling his eyes. 

“Aight bet, tomorrow I'm going to make the best food you've had–hell I make nuggets for Chick Fil A! I definitely know how to cook more than you. Pissing me off, got an F on the first day,” Atushsi said angrily, purposely bumping into his headphones to knock him off the table. 

Before Akutagawa could yell at him, he leaves class, power walking to English. 

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. He had English with Akutagawa– Gin that is. She was much more tolerable than her brother, being concerned with Higuchi on whatever superficial thing was relevant to them, gossiping while typing furiously on their phones. He had some acquaintances that he had in classes before sitting with them. Biology with Tanizaki was boring. They received an “All About Me” packet, filling it out as they discussed meaningless topics to pass time. Then came journalism.

Atsushi walked in to see Yosano sitting with Ranpo, both drinking an energy drink. Just by their energy, Atsushi could tell they had senioritis and were checked out. Walking in with Atsushi was Edgar Allen Poe. He was a strange one, hair covering his eyes. If you told anyone he was the editor in chief last year they would be shocked. He had a vision for the paper that always executed well, and was one of the best writers Atsushi knew, but his confidence didn't match his skill set. He seemed as if he was worried what everyone thought of him at all times, staying quiet and leaving 0 presence in a room. Despite Atsushi being his junior by two years, he always seemed anxious when Atsushi read his work. Which Atsushi didn't understand, he could make an article of redoing the parking lot the best written on the page. He sat with Ranpo and Yosano, both loudly greeting him and showing him some TikTok they were giggling over. 

In the corner sitting on a hightop table was Kunikida, furiously typing away at a schedule to release each article. “Boy, hurry. We're behind schedule already. If we want to stay on track, brainstorming needs to be done by tomorrow.”

Dazai, sitting on the couches centered in the room, snorted. “Kunikida, when have we ever printed on time?” 

Atsushi sat next to the tall brunette, relaxing into the seat. Atsushi always loved how this class mimicked a family, everyone being comfortable enough to be themselves. The classroom was set up differently than the standard sterile class, having the big lights off with fairy lights, a candle burning, and couches alongside posters. The teacher, Fukuzawa, had invested towards his students feeling like this could be their safe space. He obviously succeeded, having a dozen or so students in this class that refused to drop the class even if it messed up their schedule. 

Fukuzawa welcomed the class back, which usually never changed its lineup since it was just returners. “I'm glad to have you all back, I’m sure we can guarantee that we will outdo the yearbook in popularity again,” he announced.

Everyone cheered, determined to outdo their rivals. Mori Ougai had advised the class, taking it up after working at the school long enough as the nurse. Atsushi had a personal vendetta against them, trying to force an interview on him for Fitzgerald’s finance class he took last year, finding out the former had bribed the yearbook with donations if they got a whole spread towards students hyping the class to encourage more to join. And who was forcing said interview on him? Akutagawa, of course. 

“I'm sure I can expect great things from you all,” Fukuzawa continued. “But for today, we will just get to the standard ‘welcome back’ nonsense despite the fact we all know each other,” he said smiling lightly. “For the sake of an easy first day—but don't expect to slack again after today,” he said, eyeing Dazai, making Atsushi snicker.   

For the rest of class, Atsushi just caught up with his friends. Atsushi discussed his work schedule with Kunikida, and picked up on conversations of Ranpo and Poe discussing a new mystery novel, while Yosano harassed Tanizaki with videos of him at the party she hosted. Dazai did his usual: napping in the backroom, before Kunikida could drag him out for making a bed out of previous papers they had worked on. 

Atsushi thought to himself that he wouldn't trade this class for the world, smiling as he imagined how this school year could go. Unfortunately for him, this is as peaceful as it will get.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[heavensgaze]

Welcome to GardenClan!

hi there! Our Garden Under Heaven is a clangen-inspired comic following Angelpaw and Imppaw on their important mission in a land they don't quite like or understand yet. will they succeed? only Heaven knows....

In the Beginning // Newest Revelation

Navigation

Asks are OPEN - please come bug me about these guys. I love them. you can ask me or the characters whatever you please. i try to include little doodles and mini comics when applicable too.

as of right now, i update every friday through monday, and i am doing pretty good at sticking to it. but there will probably never be a steady update schedule long term. i prefer to post as i finish things, and have a real job and responsibilities that take priority. however right now i have a very decent backlog so things should be consistent for a while. and i will always try to make sure once a moon starts, updates will stay consistent until it wraps up.

TW for animal death/abuse/neglect, religious imagery and themes, drug-like substances, strong language, violence and blood, abusive/strained relationships, eyestrain (my art gets very bright), and heavy eye imagery (i will add to this list as the story continues if i feel the need)

NOTE - while this comic is heavily based on clangen, i don't take a lot of direct inspiration from the Warrior Cats books for this. GardenClan takes place in its own little fantasy land. please expect names, places, and rules to be a bit different than what you are used to. 🙏

ALSO NOTE - this comic is heavily based in Christian imagery, occultism, and mythology. i am NOT religious and have very little patience for organized religion as a whole. this comic and page is inspired by my own experiences and nostalgia, and will never be used to depict real world people or events. anyone attempting to skew my work to fit a religious agenda will be swiftly blocked.

About the author - you can call me JJ (he/him | in my twenties | ♉️). i consider myself more of a writer than an artist, and I've never made a comic before. i've been playing clangen for more than two years and reading warrior cats since I was 8. i'm using this project mostly for art practice, and trying to keep it fun and experimental for myself, so expect my art style to change and for pages to sometimes have mistakes. i am really flattered by the reception of this so far, and super look forward to seeing what people think. please don't be shy about spam-liking or sending a lot of asks. i really want to engage with you all as much as possible, and it means a lot to me too.

my primary account is jjnostredame. I don't know much about how Tumblr works, so I didn't realize I couldn't follow accounts from this one!! I mostly reblog art i like and post my ocs along with canon warrior cats fan art over there.

i'm really excited about this project, and can't wait to show off more of Imp and Angel. thank you for following along 🙏

[dingochef]

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Stalking, P in V, oral (female and male receiving), Semi-public sex, light spanking, light bondage, blindfolds

Summary: Even though you should be the belle of the Annual Top Gun Navy Ball, you're more of a brat and Jake enjoys every minute of the teasing and the consequences later.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 12

Word Count: 5.5k

Chapter 13: Belle or Brat?

Your Hallmark movie of a Thanksgiving trip to meet Jake's family ends Saturday at the Austin airport. Tom and Sharon have driven you and Jake to the airport and are giving you hugs and goodbyes on the curb.

Sharon is beaming when she goes to give you a hug,

"It has been so good to get to know you. I couldn't be happier that you and Jake found each other. We'll see you guys sooner than later. Take care, Elsa."

"Sharon, thank you for the wonderful time and being so welcoming. It was honestly one of the best holidays I've had in a long time."

Tom gives you a hug and you overhear Sharon talking to Jake as she hugs him goodbye.

"Love you, Jakey. Hold on to her," Sharon tells Jake.

"Love you too. I will, Mom. Don't worry."

The flight is uneventful and soon the plane is starting the intense descent into San Diego. You grab an Uber and head home, breathing in a sigh of relief as you unlocking your front door and step inside.

"Home sweet home," you say walking in. You look through the mail and think of the upcoming week. Nothing too insane for work and then the Navy Ball for the Top Gun team and a few other departments at North Island this coming Saturday.

When you and Jake had discussed it a few months ago you were unfamiliar with the concept of military ball.

"Have you ever been to one before?" you asked Jake.

"Yes, they're pretty standard throughout the Navy. I've never brought a date though. Seemed like a lot to ask someone I was only casual with. So, I'm excited to have you on my arm with me at this one."

"What am I supposed to wear?"

"Probably a fancy dress, evening gown thingy?"

You laughed,

"Very helpful."

"Cyclone said his wife would be available to take you and Lydia to a dress shop that's pretty good for these types of things."

"That'd be helpful, does Mrs. Cyclone have a name?"

Jake laughed and flipped through his phone,

"Maddie Simpson, I sent you her contact info."

–

The week before the ball flows along as expected, work is busy but not too much. The schematics for Darkstar 2.0 are getting finalized. Lydia and you meet Friday after work for pedicures and manicures to get all dolled up for the ball tomorrow. You select a light pink for your toes and a golden beige for your nails, keeping it subtle. You and Lydia chat and exchange info on what to expect tomorrow.

"Rooster said to be prepared for a whole bunch of speeches, so his advice was to hold off your bathroom break till the middle of those," Lydia reports.

"Jake mentioned there's a receiving line where we get to meet all the big wigs," you offer up your bit of intel.

"It sounds like a prom mashed with a wedding."

"Well, it sounds like this won't be the only one we attend."

She gets a dreamy look on her face, "Yeah, I think these guys are sticking around. Who'd of thought, me going after some random guy I thought was hot at the bar for a quick fuck would have ended us up here?"

"I'll salute your sluttiness, it paid off this time, you laugh and stick your tongue out at Lydia letting her know you're joking. You continue,

"You realize we're going to have to come up with some fake story to tell our kids of how we met their dads till they're old enough. Something about your Aunt Lydia thought your Uncle was hot and was curious of how big his cock was and then your mom completely humiliated your dad in front of his friends. Then they went to a baseball game and fell in love. I don't think that's going to be kid appropriate for a looong time."

Lydia is cracking up.

"How about we say we all met at a church picnic?!"

"Let's go with that."

"So you thinking the whole deal with Hangman? Marriage and kids?"

"I know we're on the marriage train, I asked him when we made all this official if that's where we were headed. Kids are more of a question mark. The way he was with his nieces in Texas was so freaking adorable. It was easy to imagine him as a dad and for like the first time ever I felt my biological clock. Like I felt I needed to give him babies."

Lydia is half laughing and half in shock.

"You are in deep, you'd be good parents."

"You and Rooster?"

She pauses,

"I think he's going to propose. Rooster's been a little weird lately. I keep walking in on him writing something and muttering something like 'That's not it'. And he's been a little cagey like he's planning something."

"Is it a problem if he proposes?"

"I don't think so. It does feel a little soon."

"Would you say yes?"

"Yes, of course I would."

"Then don't worry about it."

"You're right."

At that moment your nail technicians let you know you're done. You walk out doing your best to keep your nails smudge free. Waving your goodbyes to Lydia you promise to see her tomorrow at the ball.

Jake and you have a quiet evening in and an easy Saturday morning, not doing too much knowing you have a big event tonight.

The cocktail hour starts at 5 pm so you're ready by 4:30 and walk out to meet Jake in the living room. He is sitting on the couch fiddling with his phone and he stands up when he hears you on the wood floor. You are treated to a look of surprise and utter adoration from Jake.

"Oh El, you look gorgeous," he declares and

You do a little twirl around showing him the full look.

Your dress is a dark navy one shoulder style mermaid style dress with a plunging back and strap across the back to hold it together. There is a slit down the side to help with movement. When you were picking out dresses with Lydia and Maddie Simpson this one stood out to you for the bare back. It was easy to imagine the feel of Jake's hand on your back.

He walks around the couch, eyeing you from head to toe.

"God, I'm not sure we're gonna make it there, you look so good."

He also looks extremely good in his dress uniform. It's his most formal one with a dinner jacket with tails, bowtie, and cumberbund. You hold back the girlish sigh on your lips on how unbelievably handsome he is.

"You keep your hands to yourself mister, this took a lot of work."

"Fine, fine, I'll take you out and show you off," he stands behind you and leans in as he brushes his hand up your back,

"I'll just have to wait to have my way with you, I can tell the way you're eyeing me you've got ideas too."

You let out a traitorous sigh,

"Maybe, but we should get going." Jake just chuckles and kisses your temple.

When you arrive you pick up a name tag at a table near the entrance that says, "Dr. Elsa Matthews, PhD, PE, Guest of Lieutenant Jake Seresin."

"Jake, you didn't have to put titles on my name tag," you chide him. He laughs,

"It's not to boost your ego, it's a tactical move to annoy one of my coworkers, Jenkins. He's convinced that there isn't a woman smart enough to have a PhD in aerospace engineering so I thought I'd pump up your credentials to mess with him."

"How mature," you respond. You make your way to the bar, get a drink, and prepare to mingle.

Jake sees Rooster and Lydia first, "Look there's Rooster and Lydia. Let's grab a table with them while we can."

You make your way over to Rooster and Lydia and greet them on the side of the giant room.

"Lydia, Rooster, you guys look great," you say giving them each a hug. Rooster gives the compliment back, at least to you,

"Elsa, you look stunning. Hangman, you look adequate."

Jake just laughs,

"I'm wearing the same thing you are, but I make this look good. I'd give you a solid C+."

Rooster opens his mouth to send another volley, but Lydia stops him,

"Let's grab a table so we can make sure we all sit together. I need Elsa as my emotional support animal to get through this."

You snag a table near the back and on the edge.

"Strategic," you say, "Makes bathroom breaks more subtle."

Jake leans in so only you can hear, "Or sneaking off to do other things." He winks as he leans out to join the conversation.

Rooster looks over your head and groans a little,

"Here comes Jenkins."

"The one who doesn't think women can be engineers?" you ask Jake.

"Yup."

A guy with black hair in a buzz cut and a pudgy face with a scraggly mustache appears with his date, a petite blond that looks like she could get blown away in a stiff wind.

"Hangman, so this is the infamous girlfriend, Elsa. I'm Paul" he says, grabbing your hand and kissing it in greeting,

"Enchanté."

You're shocked he would do that in front of his date/ girlfriend. Jake is rolling his eyes at the over the top gesture.

"Nice to meet you, Paul," you turn to his date, "and you too."

She responds,

"Sarah, his sister."

You feel slightly better that he's not a total sleazeball.

"Sarah, these are my coworkers, Hangman and Rooster. This is supposedly Hangman's smarty pants girlfriend," he leans uncomfortably close to your chest to read your name tag out loud verbatim,

"Dr. Elsa Matthews, PhD, PE."

Sarah and you nod at each other.

"What's the PE for?" Jenkins asks.

"Licensed Professional Engineer."

"So basically a nerd license?"

Jenkins laughs jarringly like a hyena looking around the group to see if anybody else is laughing. No one is.

"Yeah, something like that. So, Sarah, do you live in the area or are you visiting?" you ask, trying to divert the conversation to something more interesting. Jenkins isn't having it,

"Alright, if you're actually a doctor in aerospace engineering, tell me something smart."

"I didn't think this was going to turn into a job interview. You could just look at my LinkedIn page if you want to know all my professional accomplishments."

Jake smirks as he watches. Jenkins doesn't give up,

"Naw naw, Doc. Say something smart."

"Will telling you I have three parents for hypersonic aviation modular life support systems, out of a total of 22 patents, shut you up?"

Jake and Rooster are smiling into their drinks watching the conversation. You can tell they aren't particularly fond of Jenkins.

"Okay, okay, I get it. You don't have to be a show off. If you're so smart then why are you with Hangman? I'm on the market, baby."

Jake has snorted his beer through his nose and is coughing, Rooster pats him on the back. Rooster and Lydia are waiting for your next verbal volley like they're watching a tennis match.

"It's because he has a giant cock. Do I need to describe that in great detail so you understand, too?"

You respond with an accompanying hand gesture, slowly, like you're talking to a child, a particularly slow child with a bad mustache. Sarah hides a smile at her idiot brother. Rooster coughs into drink.

Jenkins barks out his hyena laugh,

"I like this one, Seresin!"

Sarah grabs her brother's shoulder and urges him to walk away. He looks over his shoulder as he turns,

"Hey baby, if you find you get bored with the Hangman and want to hang out with a hung man," he gestures obscenely to his crotch, making you gag a little,

"Give me a call, sweet cheeks."

Rooster calls out to Sarah,

"I'd keep him away from the bar for the rest of the night, just a word of advice."

You look at Jake,

"What the hell is wrong with him? And please tell me he doesn't fly a plane."

"Multiple things, probably dropped on his head as a child, many, many times," Jake responds,

"And no, thank God, he is not a pilot. He's in charge of aircraft parts, so a glorified inventory clerk."

"Please tell me that's your weirdest coworker," you plead with Jake and Rooster.

"Yes, everybody else is pretty normal." Jake answers.

You lean over to Jake,

"I'm not going to get you in trouble for that big cock comment, am I?"

Jake looks at you,

"Don't worry about it, the higher ups don't believe anything he says. I would probably recommend not saying that to Cyclone, it might be a bit of a weird conversation starter."

You laugh, the tension easing.

You and Jake circulate around and meet more of Jake's coworkers and the rest are pleasant and not obnoxious jackasses.

Soon dinner is served and the speeches start up. They feel a lot like corporate speeches but with more patriotism sprinkled in. You are definitely bored by the end of the first one. Maybe it is the champagne on an empty stomach, but you decide to mess with Jake a little bit. You slip your heel off and nudge Jake's pant leg with your foot making contact with the skin under the fabric. Jake's eyebrow raises and he gives you a slight smile as he realizes what you are doing. After a few minutes you put it back in your shoe.

At the next applause break, you pretend to fiddle with your earring and pop it off into your hand.

"Oh no, I think I just lost my earring," you say loud enough to catch Jake's attention,

"I think it fell off that way."

You point towards Jake's feet. You lean over to peek under the tablecloth and as you do you cup Jake's crotch. You know the view of your actions is obscured by the tablecloth and your body. You're rewarded with a quick breath in from Jake.

You emerge from the tablecloth holding your earring, stating,

"Found it," as you put it back on. Jake is staring at you more pointedly now, eyebrow raised in question.

You lean to whisper so only he can hear,

"I'll stop if you say stop. I won't do anything that would embarrass you, just want to rile you up for later."

You pull back to see his response and he leans back in to whisper into your ear.

"Just know you'll face the consequences later," he smirks.

It's your turn to get a little flush and give him a knowing smile. Another speech starts and you keep your hands to yourself for the entirety of the speech. At the end, you use the moment to excuse yourself to the bathroom. When you're in the stall you slide off the lacy thong you chose for tonight and ball it up in your hand. As you sit back down you sneak the underwear in Jake's pants pocket. His hand goes to investigate and the moment he recognizes that it is lacy fabric and his jaw clenches ever so slightly. He looks at you eyebrows raised and the corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement.

The room darkens for a video on a screen up front. You use the opportunity to slide Jake's hand to the slit on your dress, that is conveniently on the side nearest him. You place your napkin over his hand to obscure the scene. His hand is on your skin and ever so slowly creeping around to your inner thigh, trying to flex his fingers up towards your pussy. The video ends and he discreetly pulls his hand back to clap, making eye contact with you the whole time.

The speeches are over and they announce that the dance floor is open. Jake stands up and extends his hand, "May I have this dance, El?"

The music is classical and you recognize it as a waltz. You're surprised when we get to the dance floor and Jake leads you in a perfect waltz.

"Should I add ballroom dancing to your list of many hidden talents?" you ask Jake as he gives you a twirl.

"Yes, among others. My mom insisted we learn to dance the classics. And how are you so well informed on ballroom dance techniques?"

"My mom made me go to cotillion. I remember all the dances and how to set a 36 inch place setting."

"What a useful skill in this day and age," he laughs.

After a few more classical dances, the music has changed to more contemporary pop and rock and roll making the dancing more informal. Lydia and Rooster make their way to you on the dance floor. The lighting has changed and the room is darker and by the DJ stand there are colored lights that change with the beat of the music. It feels like a high school prom with some of the music choices, and you have fun trying out cheesy moves mostly to make everyone else laugh.

The song switches to a song you recognize, Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight. Jake places one hand on your back on the bare skin and takes your hand in the other. You place your free hand on his shoulder and start to sway in time with the music. Jake is singing along just loud enough for you to hear and his deep voice reverberates through his chest against yours. You wonder if you can fall even more in love with him the way he's looking at you when the song ends.

Borrowing a lyric from the song, you say,

"It's time to go home now."

He laughs at your choice of words and lowers his head to tell you,

"Someone also needs to face the consequences of her actions, like putting her panties in my pocket so I know you're bare and there'd be nothing in my way."

You swallow hard and just dumbly nod, no coherent thoughts forming, Jake sees the look on your face and just smirks. You make our goodbyes to Lydia and Rooster and head out to the car.

You are barely buckled in when Jake's hand finds the slit in your dress. Pushing his hand up toward your pussy, he extends his fingers and just gently parts the folds around your clit, and then suddenly retreats his hand. You whine at the loss of contact.

"Does someone not like getting teased?" he laughs.

He leans over the console and puts a hand behind your head to catch your lips and mouth in a deep kiss that you feel all the way to your toes. He pulls back and starts the car, leaving you breathless and needy.

"El, you're lucky this is a stick or you'd be getting a lot more teasing on the drive home."

You are never happier that you live only 10 minutes from the base. Jake drives you home in what feels like a deliberately slower manner. You finally break,

"Jake, I need you inside me as soon as possible."

"Ooh, you are hot and ready to go. This'll make what I have planned for you even better."

"What do you have planned, besides fucking me the instant we get inside the door?"

"Oh, so much more, sweetheart. Just you wait."

Mercifully, you arrive home. You feel like you are sprinting to get the door unlocked and Jake is taking his sweet time getting to the porch. You step inside and Jake follows. He pulls you back to his chest and starts to kiss a line down your neck. Jake guides you to the bedroom and unzips your dress leaving you completely naked. He pushes you onto the bed so you are sitting on the edge.

"You were a wretched little tease tonight," he grabs your chin and tilts it up to look at him, "I've been thinking of all the ways I could have you when we got back here."

His thumb rubs across your lower lip and you take it into your mouth and suck on it earning a low groan from him.

"Teases need to learn some lessons in patience," he purrs as his hand slides down to cup your breasts and pinch your nipple, ripping a ragged moan from you.

"Lay down and wait, I'll be right back," he looks at you and says with deadly seriousness, "Do not touch yourself. understand me?"

You nod in agreement. He leaves the room and you slip off your heels and lay down on the top of your bed.

He returns holding a small bowl and the belt from your silk robe. He puts the small bowl on the dresser and kneels next to the bed.

"El, I'm going to tie you to the bed and blindfold you. Are you okay with that?" He is searching your eyes for any hesitancy.

"I'm very okay with that," you practically purr.

He breaks into the panty dropper smile and says,

"Good, we can stop this at any time, just say red light."

He is referencing the system you agreed upon for communicating in bed.

"Sounds good, green light."

He lifts your hands up above your head and the cool softness of the silk robe belt encircling your wrists and the fabric tightens as he ties it to the headboard. You flex your arms and find that you can't move them far. Jake is now standing next to the bed staring at you. He has pulled his dinner jacket off and thrown it over the back of the armchair in the corner, the medals clinking as it lands. Next he pulls off the cumberbund and sends it over to join the jacket. He unties his bow tie, throwing it down to the bed next to you and unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt. His next move is classically sexy and makes you press your thighs together to get some kind of friction. He pulls his cufflinks out and puts them on top of the dresser next to him and then he methodically rolls his sleeves up revealing his tanned and muscular forearms.

"Enjoying the show, El?" he laughs.

"Very much," you breathe more than speak.

"Good," he says as he sits down on the bed taking the bow tie in his hand and he ties it gently around your head pulling the fabric to cover your eyes.

You take a deep breath and relax into the bed.

"Good, El?"

"Very good, Jake."

The first thing you feel is Jake's hands sweeping up your legs and just skimming the inside of your thighs short circuiting your brain. You try to thrust your pelvis towards his hands and he evades your motions and continues up your body. You whine out a little pout. Jake just laughs. His hands move along to cup your breasts, just pinching at the nipple to a firm point before he leans down to kiss them. He pulls back and you are lost without any contact from him.

The bed dips around your waist and the crisp fabric of his dress pants stretches across your thighs as he straddles you. You are unsure what his next move will be until the cool metal of his dog tags fall on your chest, eliciting a squeak from you. He huffs out a little laugh.

Jake leans down and holds his lips just above yours, the heat from his mouth apparent on your lips as he talks,

"Sweet, sweet, El. Who knew you were such cock tease and so naughty."

He traces a finger down your cheek and across your lips as he talks. You try to lift your head to kiss his lips and he pulls away before you make contact. Your head falls to the bed in defeat and then Jake is kissing you hard, tongue invading your mouth. He pulls away and you lift your head to chase his lips for more, earning another soft and teasing laugh from him.

Jaken kisses a line down your jaw and neck, continuing his path down your chest and finally settling his lips just under your left breast. The feeling from his lips intensifies and he sucks a bruise there, the slight pain from the blood vessels breaking blissfully radiating out. You're so tightly wound that anything, any feeling, pain or pleasure, soothes you. You moan loudly at that thought. He pulls off and gently kisses the sensitive area.

Ghosting his lips down your stomach he swerves at the last second avoiding your very wet and very needy pussy. You whine out in frustration, and plead to him,

"That's where I need it, please, Jake."

"Are we frustrated, El?"

"Yes, please, please touch me. Anything." you plead, sounding a bit desperate.

"It's okay, El. I'll take care of you," Jake coos reassuringly. The bed springs up and the weight of Jake is gone leaving you a little unmoored. Sounds you can't identify filter over from the far side of the room and suddenly you are overwhelmed by a cold burst of wetness on your nipples, they pebble and firm up instantly. An undignified yelp escapes your mouth with a

"What was that?"

"Ice," Jake laughs as he settles in the bed, and you can practically hear his smirk. He resumes his position over you and his cold lips trail down your torso and engulf your clit with no warning. You respond by squealing a mix of pleasure and pain and lifting your hips as far off the bed as possible, unsure if you want to retreat or want more.

"You are so much fun to tease. So responsive and sensitive," Jake says as he pulls back.

"Not fair, I need you, Jake," you respond, emphasizing the word need. He returns his cold mouth to your clit and begins to lick it fast and hard. Two fingers into you without any resistance and join his tongue in his fast rhythm. It doesn't take long for his mouth to warm up and push you to the edge of climax.

You are a moaning mess, and all you can sob out is,

"So close, so close, don't stop."

He pulls his face back and keeps his fingers in you at the same intense pace.

"You don't get to come till I let you, El."

If it was possible that statement would have made you even wetter. It's not helping how turned on you are. He plants his mouth hard on your clit and keeps licking.

"Please, can I come?"

Your begging question fills the air. "Please?" You ask again. You are so close that you know Jake can feel your walls fluttering around his fingers. Every second you're kept waiting is an exquisite mix of overwhelming bliss and the pain of almost coming.

Abruptly Jake pulls back everything. His mouth and hands are gone and your hips lift to chase him.

"What the fuck, Jake?"

You try to sound more indignant than needy. He just laughs as an answer. The bed shifts as Jake stands up. The sound of his clothes hitting the floor is followed by the ties at your wrists being undone.

The bed dips and Jake flips you over with the ease that only he can achieve. You are still blindfolded and unsure of his next move. He grips your hips and pulls your ass up as he gently pushes your head down to the bed. Your knees are being pushed apart with his knee and his hard cock brushes against your thighs enticingly. He is so achingly close to tight where you need him.

Finally, he takes pity on you and runs the head of his cock through your glistening folds.

"You ready, El?" he asks, still teasing your slit.

You practically shout,

"Yes, please fuck me, please."

"So needy, the tease doesn't like to be teased?"

He is laughing as he kisses down your spine.

You reach a hand back to try and touch yourself for some relief and you are treated to a stinging slap on your ass. You bite your lip to keep the moan it pulls out of you in, not wanting to give Jake the satisfaction right now, not when he's teasing you so mercilessly.

"Do I have to tie you up again? You'll come when I tell you, El."

Your whine in response is pure lust and absolute need,

"No, sir. Please fuck me, I need you."

He obliges and plunges in without any more warning or teasing. You almost come before he has bottomed out. With how hard you're gripping the comforter in your hands holding 9ff your orgasm, you're slightly afraid you're going to rip holes in the fabric, not that any part of your brain can be bothered to care. Each of Jake's thrusts pulls out a moan that sounds more like of a sob of relief than of pleasure. Jake pulls all the way back out and for a second you are lost. He pushes back in and starts to fuck you slowly. You try to speed up his thrusts by pushing back your body.

He laughs and grips your hips hard to still you, the thought that he might leave bruises makes you clench around him,

"Remember, who's in charge here?"

You don't respond and feel another harsh slap on the other cheek of your ass. This time you can't help the moan and accompanying clench of your pussy on his cock.

"Answer me, El."

"You are, Lieutenant," is all you can choke out, your need to come overwhelming you. The word triggers something in Jake and he is now fucking you at a relentless pace. His body is starting to tense, a sign he is getting close to the edge; he mercifully slips his hand down to touch your clit. You are right back at that edge of ecstasy within seconds and you hear yourself begging again,

"Please, can I come? Lieutenant? Please?"

His body stutters and you know he is close. Through gritted teeth, he says,

"Come around my cock baby, I want to feel how much you need it."

That is all the encouragement you need. You shatter around him clenching hard. The orgasm is so overwhelming that if you hadn't had the blindfold on still the room would have grayed out.

Your head thunks down to the soft mattress as the pleasure rolls over you, Jake thrusts a few more times to chase his release, his hands gripping at your hips hard to keep you from moving up the bed.

"Fuck, El, gonna come, gonna fill you up," he grits out. You are still in the throes of your climax that you are almost too out of it to say anything.

"Please, Jake, give it to me. I've been good, please," you rasp. He comes with a mighty roar and bends down, his chest against your back as he catches his breath, one hand planted on the bed to support his weight, the other rubbing soothing circles on your side.

He reaches down to your shoulder and pulls you up to his chest tilting your head to kiss you sweetly, a contrast to the intensity of a few minutes ago. Jake pulls the blindfold off and slowly pulls out of you. He gently lowers you to the bed and lays down next to you pulling you into his arms. Your head settles on his chest as you both come down from your mutual high. After a few minutes Jake kisses your forehead tenderly.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes, way better than okay, in fact great," you respond. He laughs at your effusive gushing and his lips are on your forehead again. You roll over to your stomach so you can see his face.

"That's definitely been a fantasy of mine, never really trusted anyone enough to let go of that control," you tell him as you trace idle circles on his chest with your index finger.

"I remembered from one of your trips to Bakersfield. Did it live up to your expectations?" he asks.

"Not that this is a Yelp review or anything, but 5/5 greatly exceeded my expectations. Would have sex like this again."

You're rewarded with one of Jake's deep laughs,

"How am I supposed to keep my ego in check if you're telling me that kind of stuff?"

"You earned it, stud." you yawn, aware of how late it is.

"Is Cinderella out past midnight?" Jake teases.

"Yes, and she is quickly turning into a pumpkin. I'm going to wash all this makeup off and then I'm going to cuddle up to my handsome stud of a boyfriend and fall asleep."

"Sounds excellent," Jake yawns back in agreement. You head to the bathroom and when you return Jake is already asleep. You turn off the lights and slide into bed and lay your head on his chest before sleep overtakes you.

--

Up next: Elsa's family comes to town for Christmas and it's not all hot chocolate and hugs...*foreshadowing*.

Chapter 14

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[kickthecanrevolution]

Last week was a lot. I told my team that I was leaving for another experience. They are sad and processing but also very happy for me. We cried a little at the end of the meeting. The initial support structure I had in place was OK but a few parts were confusing/concerning so I adjusted those and I think they feel better. My boss isn't sure where they will officially report into yet but I just made the call and confirmed who their direct manager will be. I've let all of my partners across the company know which has been weird, but OK.

The work in the new role is SO intense, I'm learning everything as fast as I can but also have to apply new learns to what I really don't understand yet to a plan that has to be localized into multiple languages by next week. It's nuts but there's no option not to do it, so I'm working a lot this weekend. I was experiencing such a confidence crisis but a few meetings on Friday validated I am moving in the right direction. For the first time in so long, I had anxiety dreams about work which in a weird way is a good sign - I was just kind of....dead, going through the motions, not super busy, not really caring about anything. My brain is waking up. It's where I am at my best. There will be a time for another way of moving through the world but right now for this next year/last experience, I want to be driving something hard and seeing the impact. I want to push myself to take risks and not be an invisible middle manager. Shirley said that I am like a little joey (baby kangaroo) - I am mostly comfortable living my emotions through animals and I have a tendency of hiding like a little joey. I already see this job will make me deal with conflict, stand in the strength of my opinion instead of being accommodating and malleable, afraid of making someone upset. There's such personal growth here for me.

The Alki remodel continues to provide a number of surprises. After we found so many concerns in the electric wiring in the lower unit, I asked the contractor to have the electrician check the upper unit as well. He couldn't even do much given the electrical panel is over 30 years old, so I had it replaced. We also repaired some cracks in the roof and an HVAC person is coming out to assess what I should do to upgrade the 30 year furnace. It's a lot but I am comforted to know these upgrades will make everything so much stronger and safer, I'm much more confident in renting it now. Another fun thing, the contractor found an outdoor shower on the side of the house so we're going to replace it with this and create a little area with a sauna, so someone can do a cold plunge in the ocean, and then wash off in the shower and take a sauna. It's actually not expensive and the contractor can build it for us. I'm excited!

Health-wise, I signed up for a service that will make it easier for me to get the updates to my health that I need. I got 16 vials of blood taken on Friday for a number of tests - a full panel including a lot of early detection stuff.

This is going to be such a good year. It already is. I trust it. I trust that good things are here, that I deserve them and I am going to meet every moment with new strength, new capability and create more silence so those that are guiding me can be heard even more clearly.

[roleplayhonestybox]

Just some time to whine - and no, it's not that I don't understand, I do - but I just feel so frustrated and disappointed now I could cry. So here's my totally first world problem rant: My RP partner says they have finally a long weekend due to the holiday - Thursday to Sunday - and they are looking forward to write aaaaaaall four days. They make it a really big thing and talk about it and are excited. They wanna write ALL day. EVERY day. AAALL the stuff they'll be writing. Because they can't really do asymmetrical and I always need to be around for them to write. Which is fine. I can do that. Life's rough, I understand. They are American. I am not. I'm European with a hefty time difference and a full work week. So I shovel Friday completely free - cancel all appointments - and even a chunk of my Thursday work day. I can't just take them off - I need to stuff the work I would have done on Friday and that chunk from Thursday and work it off on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Which made my days extremely long and exhausting, but I thought: hey, it's for a good cause! We're going to write like the devil. All day. Every day. Thursday comes, I rush out of work, it all starts wonderfully. We're both excited. Then a problem comes up. Family stuff. Understandable. We spend the night chatting. One things leads to another, the topic gets really dark. I try to be a good friend. I try to help. I stay up until 9am in my time zone. I really don't sleep a lot that night. Friday comes, and they're exhausted. They're tired. They sleep most of the time of the day I took off for us. So we could write, like they wanted to. Saturday comes. They said they'd be around nice and early. I'm around nice and early. They aren't. They were tired and went back to sleep (and couldn't even let me know with a short message - knowing that I was waiting). The RP drags on and I spend the day waiting and waiting - for literal hours.

Sunday comes. Same spiel. They are tired. They have kids to watch. They need a nap. They need to cook.

In the end, I got one or two replies per day for the threads I got to choose. Each day, but, yeah, with me being around for roughly 15 hours for them each day, too. There are a few more replies for the quick things they wanted to do and their favourite is something I absolutely struggled through because I wanted to make them happy, but my heart's really not in it. But I want to be a good RP partner. I want to be a good friend.

So, yes, I understand. Family and real life first. There's no lack of understanding. It's a hobby. Nobody can change how tired they are. Nobody can influence when life fucks with plans. I understand. I am not blaming them. I am not trying to be difficult. I'm not a bitch about it.

But this whole thing I worked for so hard to make it even happen turned out to be such a fucking disappointment and full of frustration that I honestly just want to cry. It just fell so flat I don't even have words for it. No word again that I cancelled everything to be with them, but maybe they don't even realise or remember, because they slept half the time.

(Also: no, I'm normally not the one to expect several replies every day. They can't RP on workdays? Fine. They need time to go through stuff? Fine. They get sick and can't write? absolutely no problem, of course. They stopped replying to so many threads in the past and I've been waiting for weeks or months sometimes, so that's not my problem here. But when we make arrangements to sit together for the sole purpose of writing all day and I clear my schedule for three and a half days - it frustrates me when I sit around and wait for hours for a single reply - just to clarify.)

So with all due respect and necessary understanding - I know they didn't choose this - I'm just so angry, too. Not at them. But that this didn't work out, at all. And I can't even show it because it would hurt them, because I know they were just exhausted and tired and it's not their fault - and I don't want that.

Goddamn, I was looking forward to this so much and I feel so hollow right now, because I spent most of these past three and a half days waiting for them... I feel like I could have done more productive things in three days that would have made me feel much better.

I need a hug...

(sorry for the rant...)

.