#I am stuck finishing it tonight idk how i can sleep tonight without knowing how this ends

[ysabelmystic]

Me when I watch the Emotional Damage show and it actually gives me emotional damage

[obsessive-ego]

Talking in you sleep

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Reader says Beetlejuice's name 3 times in their sleep, but hes already in their home

Sfw

Idk been thinking about this for ages

Just a small fic

It was an accident

It was no secret to anyone that you talk in your sleep, not full sentences, just a word or two, nothing too abnormal, you didn't know about this little quirk of yours until a certain foul mouthed undead demon wormed his way into your life, he was the one who told you.

...

"Ya know you chatter on in your sleep?" He'd  chuckle as if he found something truly embarrassing to bug you about.

"How'd you know? Am I that loud you can hear me in the livingroom?"

"Nah, I watch you sleep" he said it so plainly as if it wasnt super creepy.

The ghoul eventually upped his late night habits from watching you sleep, to sleeping in the same bed as you, he did this so often you stopped setting up the couch for him and just accepted your fate to be spooned every night by a creepy old dead guy who you may or may not have a crush on

...

The nights you've babbled in your sleep always brought on annoying mornings of beetlejuice teasing you, probably lying through his teeth over how you moan his name in you sleep to get you worked up for his own amusement, unfortunately you couldnt prove you didnt since your dreams never really stuck with you long after waking.

Hell with your late night chatter you even manged to summon beej once in your sleep, a night he was spending over at the Deetz, you manged to say his name 3 times in a row, spoken, unbroken, in your sleep, and boy was your face red when you woke up and saw the bastard in question sitting inches from your face with the widest shit eating grin you've ever seen on his face, that was an instance you couldnt deny saying his name in your sleep and dreaming about him, you missed him, of course you think about the demon when you two are apart, even the few days he's with the Deetz and the maitlands.

Tonight wasnt one of those nights, beetlejuice has spent the entire day glued to your side, chatting your ear off about all the scares he and lydia pulled in your absence, his stories always made you smile, the way he practically glowed green with excitement as he retold his showmanship to you.

The night went on with bad jokes and fun stories as the demon filled you in on all the fun you missed while you were doing boring adult breather things and how the two of you should mess with some unlucky breathers so he could show you how amazing he truly was, as if you needed proof that the ghoul was a ham who loved to show off.

As the two of you sat on the couch laughing away, forgetting the movie that basically became White noise to your conversation, a yawn escapes your lips

"Getting tired babes? Am I really that boring" the ghoul teased pinching you cheek

You groan and pull away "well, yeah, unlike you mister freeloader, I worked all day" you shrug before letting out another yawn

"Freeloader? Oh sugar, your words hurt" the ghoul fakes hurt, giving you an over exaggerated gasped face, with his hands over where a person's heart would be "I thought we had the mutual understanding that I was your trophy husband"

You give the demon a soft laugh "you wish-"

"Every night baby~" he purrs pink stripes slowly appearing in his hair

You freeze, it wasnt uncommon for beetlejuice to openly flirt with you, but that doesnt mean it didnt make you freeze up everytime, you werent exactly the type people lined up to date, nor were you very popular growing up, so the sudden and intense attention the demon gave you always made your heart pound.

"Uh, um, I think I'm gonna head to bed" you stammer before getting up "night beej" you mumble before disappearing into your bedroom.

The demon stifles a laugh, god slash satan you were a delight to get worked up, not to mention easy. He loved it, his favourite little breather was always so hot when they were an embarrassed mess.

The ghoul decides to finish the movie the two of you had on in the background, before heading to bed with you, he didn't need to sleep, just enjoyed being snuggled up to that soft warm body of yours, and it was more rewarding to sneak in after you were out cold, bed would be already warm, and with the added thrill of not wanting to wake you.

As the credits roll beetlejuice snaps his fingers and tv goes dark, the ghoul raises from the couch and gives a yawn and a long stretch as if he was exhausted. The demon makes his way to your room, standing outside your door he pauses at the sound of your voice

"Beetlejuice"

It was soft, barely audible, but herd it, guess you were still up, beetlejuice phases through your bedroom door, to be greeted by your sleeping form.

He stifled a chuckle, you were dreaming of him, tomorrow was gonna be great, the ghoul was already busy thinking about ways to poke fun at this in the morning, moaning out his name in you sleep? What kind of dream were you having babes? He could see your face now.

"Beetlejuice" you mumble again in a whisper

"Whoa there babes, you know the rule, one more time and I'm out" he whispers making his way to your bed.

"Beetlejuice" you sigh

"Y/N!" was the the only thing he had time to shout before vanishing.

His shout was enough to make wake you, but not enough to clue you in to what you just did, you grumble out a swear before rolling over and going back to sleep.

The next morning you wake up, a tad confused to not have a snoring dead guy weighing you down, normally on nights beetlejuice would stay over he'd slip into bed with you after you've fallen asleep, using your chest as a pillow.

You dont think much of it at first, heading to the kitchen to make some coffee before getting dressed, you did notice there was no beej there either, waiting for you kettle to boil you give your little home a quick sweep for the demon, nothing.

He's vanished to do his own thing before, he was a grown man, sometimes he'd duck out and mess with the neighbors in your apartment complex, but he would at least leave you a note or something.

You started to worry, what if something awful happened to him? Then it clicked, lydia must had summoned him away to hang out, that had to be it, and with that thought all dread left you so you could carry on with your day, since bj wasnt around you took the opportunity to get a few odds and ends done.

The day drags on into the late evening, you were enjoying the peace as you catch up on some reading.

Your phone rings, looking at the screen you see its lydia, that's odd, she normally texts you if anything

"Hello?"

"Y/n I need to ask beetlejuice something"

"Isnt he with you?"

"What? No-"

Dread returns to you chest, you havent seen him since last night, he left no note, he wasnt with lydia, did something awful happen? was he bored with you? You felt like you were going to be sick

"Y/n?"

"I gotta go" was all you could say before hanging up,

"Beetlejuice!"

Nothing

"Beetlejuice!"

Again nothing, he normally came after the second yell, anxiety for your dear friend make you since to your stomach in fear for the worst, you steady yourself and take a deep breath and say it for a third time

"Beetlejuice"

With a puff of green smoke there stood the ghoul, unfortunately sporting a purple hue

"Bee-"

"It took you that long to notice I was gone?"

"No, I-"

"Why did it take so long then? Enjoying your time without me?!" Red streaks began to show up amongst the purple

"I thought lydia summoned you back-"

"And you waited till now to check?!"

"I DIDNT WANT TO BOTHER THE TWO OF YOU" you yelled back, beetlejuice is taken abck by your volume, you take a deep breath "if I knew why you were gone I would have said something sooner, what happened?" You say calmly gently taking the demon's hand, red now fading away, though the purple stayed

"You sent me away, you said my name 3 times in your sleep and sent me back to the netherworld" he refused to look at you as if you did this on purpose to mess with him.

"Bee, I'm sorry, I would have never done that on purpose, i- i love having you around, and I, god, i miss you when you're not here, with me" now it was your turn to refuse eye contact, admitting such a cheesy thing, you wanted to just die, not that it would help.

The purple hue is quick to leave the ghoul's form in replacement with a much softer pink, you missed him, music to his ears.

"Sugar" beetlejuice grabs your chin and forces eye contact

You give him a soft smile seeing that he was no longer purple, but also when he pulls you into a rather over exaggerated dip and sloppy kiss "so how bout we make up for some lost time and you can make this little misunderstanding up to me, what do you say babes?~"

You only stutter and choke on your words as the demon spins you around

"Would you like to scare some delivery guy and watch a bad slasher?" You finally get out

The demon pauses for a moment, as if to think about this offer.

"Normally I'd be delighted honey, but I think you owe me~ how bout you have to sit on my lap the entire film~" he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at you, you swallow the lump in your throat, this was gonna be a long night

Bonus

The two of you were snuggled together on the couch, Beetlejuice's arms were around your waist, his head on your shoulder, your bum on his lap.

"So babes, whatever you dreaming about last night?"

[lemon-boy-stan]

revolt with romance - king jinheung x reader

so, lol. guess who started watching kdrama? this is probably gonna flop but idk lol. genre: smut. warnings: swearing, title kink, oral (f. receiving), over stimulation, double orgasm, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, kids)

Jinheung’s mother was ambitious but you had no idea what you had gotten yourself into. Sure, you got extra privileges other people didn’t, but surely you didn’t have to be cooped up inside the inn almost twenty-four-seven.

You knew that Jin hated it. Being hidden. Unable to do anything. As did you, equally so.

You didn’t know which you loathed more - being stuck in the same place every day, scared you might get killed in your sleep, or his mother - who you’d agreed to keep your mouth shut about, Jinheung had said not to poke the snake too much or she might explode (by ‘explode’, he meant ‘seperate the two of you by all means necessary’ because Ji Soo liked to wreak emotional damage). 

Being together was already pressing the woman’s buttons. She didn’t want people knowing her son existed. So she gave him a choice; “you can either be silent the rest of your life or be silent with that stupid girl to entertain you,” and without breaking any of the Queen’s limbs Jinheung agreed, only with your consent.

The two of you were close, if people looked they would be able to tell (of course, no-one knew who you were enough to care to catch so much as a silhouette) that you and the king had been together for a very long time.

It was somewhere close to midnight and the game of chess was getting boring, you threw your head up and groaned loudly, one of your best pieces had just been killed, making Jinheung chuckle softly and you glare at him in response.

The rest of the inn would definitely be asleep by now; not even its keeper was awake. The servants were asleep as well (but it wasn’t like they went in your room, that was off-limits.) and the room itself was uncomfortably quiet as the moon shone through the windows.

“Is she even going to let us get properly married?” Jinheung hissed, taking another of your pieces off the board. You shrugged, your mind wasn’t really on that right now. You were more focused on the apparent assassin who’d been sent to kill the both of you. 

"And I've heard the rumors. Do you know what they call us? Do you know what they call the man and his woman from Otka?" He used a dangerous tone.

“We just need time, Jin.” you said quietly, bringing a smile on your face so you might have a chance at lightening the mood. Alas, your masterful attempt ended with disaster; Jinheung merely rolled his eyes, "it's disgraceful. If they knew... if they knew who they called ghost slut and faceless bastard..."

"So, let's use our names," you say suddenly, changing your mind, determined to keep Jinheung in a good mood, Jin frowns, his beautiful sharp eyebrows furrowing as he ponders the vices and virtues of your statement.

He opens his mouth, most likely to shut the conversation down and shake his head, but you cut him off, eager to win him over.

You're both adults, and not too far off from your seats on the throne. You both know how to use a sword and how to defend yourselves.

"It would be a bit strange, wouldn't it?" You began with a soft smile, "if the capital finally learnt who the king was but the queen killed his soon-to-be queen not fairly after?"

Jinheung curls his lip -if there was one thing he loved about you so much he wouldn't trade for the world it would be how bold you were; you weren't officially married yet.

Did twenty-six years not show you what love truly was?

Jinheung's mind hissed the words at himself. Jinheung sighed and you let out a half-hearted sigh; he frowned, this was not the reaction he wanted.

"But it's fine. I was just -" Jinheung moves the board and table it was on in one swift move, the pieces cluttering to the side silently.

Then he lunges forwards, groaning softly, black hair tickling against your skin; and soon his lips are on yours....

"Lin Y/N," Jinheung's voice makes you throw your head up in pleasure, "You're beautiful. Prettier than the stars, moon, and sun combined, more ephiphanic than every flower in all of Silla, yet stronger than fire from a bon, and your skin -"

"Jinheung," you hiss loudly, "hurry up." He smiles again, this time properly, to both sides, a smile you haven't seen in a long time.

"You weren't going to let me finish my speech?" Jinheung smirks, his sharp eyes getting darker, "you're quite -" he looks for the right words, "daring." And finally finds it. "But," he strokes your skin softly with his hand, "you'll soon learn," and slides your robe off carefully, making you moan at the cold touch of the air, "the consequences," another brush of his fingers, "of interrupting," he places a kiss on your stomach, "my speech." And smiles again.

"You insufferable bas -" you begin. However, due to Jinheung's tongue making its way down to your clit you interrupt yourself with a moan, "Jinheung," the way you say his name is so satisfactory that he keeps going even though his original intent was to reprimand you, but so what? Anything to annoy the Queen would suffice as satisfactory. "Jinh -" he interrupts you with a finger pressed on your lips and you throw your head back again, moaning quietly.

"Our children," he starts, leaning back down to admire the view of your cold skin, "will have truer bones," bends his head down, "than the snake herself," and dives his tongue inside you. "So true," he whispers, "that their names will be in the next book of Tae Te Ching,"

You nod wanton, tangling his black locks with your fingers, his tongue playing with your clit, teeth tugging and pulling on all your soft spots. "You're a pretty girl, Lin Y/N," he whispers, "and a sly minx. Show the world," he breathed in a soft husky voice, his tongue vibrating against your skin, "tell them. Tell them who you belong to, who their nameless king really is..."

Jinheung spreads your legs and rolls his tongue, making you breathe sharply, even pant, he knows exactly how to wrap you around his finger.

"My king..." the phrase is much louder than you intend and Jinheung smiles again, "Jinheung... please..." he breathes on your skin and you gasp loudly.

"Tell me," he whispers, "who am I, my precious flower? Shout my name and my title to the world, sigya."

"Jinheung!" You cry his name out; Jinheung's gone and bitten your clit while hooking two fingers in your spot. "My king..." You're breathless as you moan, "my king, Jinheung. Jinheung. Please, I need you..."

"How much do you need me?" He smirks, face still buried in you, hair still in your weak grasp, "how much do you need your king, Jigya? Revolt. Revolt with romance, Lin Y/N."

"Bastardly pervert," you hiss fondly, to which he replies with the shake of his head and a tingle that goes all the way up to your stomach, "no," shaking his head, you frown, "no?" Another shake, "no."

A few seconds of silence reigns, tension building, "your bastardly pervert," he's smirking now, you moan softly, "and your king." Jinheung has taken his clothes off and even though you've seen him naked many timed he's even more beautiful.

"And you," he strokes your clit before parting with the wetness even though cum is dripping from your thighs, instead, Jinheung lines himself up with your body; he's now hovering over you.... "You, Lin Y/N, are my queen." And without warning, Jinheung slides inside you.

Now you scream, you cry out in pain and pleasure although he's not sure which is which so he sushes you but praises you at the same time; "My king, Jinheung! Jinheung!"

Now both of you are moaning and breathless as Jinheung goes faster, thrusting, palms pressing against the floor, kissing you into moans every time he goes down. "Y/N..." he's only out of breath an hour later and by now you're sure that everyone in Silla has not only woken but lost their purity as well; there was no point in covering a child's ears.

There was no doubt that Jinheung was huge, sometimes he hurt but tonight he didn't. “Jinheung...” you moaned his name as he groaned yours, “Y/N...” his breathing was heavy, and his thrusting became sloppy, he grunted your name as you screamed, you came a second time.... Jinheung spilled into you, breathless.

“I love you, Y/N...” he breathed lazily, going down one last time to place a kiss on your forehead before finally collapsing, it would be a while until you would clean up but you didn’t care, “I love you, too, my king,” you whispered, Jinheung gave you a look, “I love you, too, Jinheung,” you corrected yourself with a sly smile.

new HWARANG MASTERLIST - open

[skinnyghosttears]

May 16, 2021

1:55 am

Just finished to exercise, Im not exausted but I want to burn a lot tomorrow and I also have a lot of stuff to do, so I dont want to be in pain.

I made a list of all the thing I have to do so I'll be too busy for binge (well, I hope so).

I will not weight myself tomorrow and I really want to try to not weight myself until my grandma will not be here, maybe it will push me to do good because idk how much I weight. But still, Im just thinking about it because I know myself and I need to know.

The plan for today is of 399kcal, Im sure I'll change the dinner but I want to try and stay as low as I can. I cannot skip dinner but if my parents will not be at home for that time I can just eat some vegetables.

At this point I know I risk a binge both if I restrict or not so at least I can try my best. I need to find something that can distract me from food in an efficient way. I'll think about it because I really binging too much lately and Im stuck at this weight. Its not even because of my metabolism, Im just dumb and I hate myself for this.

Btw, I need to be more positive. Its a new day (well, yes and no, I have togo to bed), I can do good. I'll maybe try and cut my hair but Im scared to do a mess lmao.

4:28 am

I cant sleep tonight. I feel so bad and I regret that I hitted me so much because my leg is purple rn and Im scared mom will somehow notice before all of this will go away.

8:28 am

Slept less than 4 hours, damn it will be interesting today :')

At least I can do stuff at my pace and take a nap if I cant continue. Im gonna drink some water soon so I will not weight myself.

3:11 pm

Almost did all the things I had to, I dont have enough energy for exercise as much as I wanted but it will be fine if I dont lose control. I'll use the cyclette in a min and after that I will probably finish the half banana I left from lunch, but Im not hungry and Im not craving anything so maybe I can avoid it.

7:51 pm

Avoided the half banana, I just finished dinner but now I feel the hunger so much and Im trying to figure out what can I eat without fucking up everything. I burned 1000kcal on the cyclette plus all the stuff I did at home, so Im pretty sure ot will be fine if I reach 500.

9:04 pm

Decided to reach 550kcal, Im gonna burn again something on the cyclette and then I'll shower. God Im so tired but proud, I did good today.

11:50 pm

Ended with 716kcal of food and over 1430kcal burned. Not so proud as I was before but at least I didnt eat half of the kitchen. Its really hard when you can go to and grab food without anyone noticing.

I want to try for real to not weight myself for some days, at least until I'll feel really hungry and no bloated at all.

[smallerinfinities]

Taking Me Back

a/n: In which a drunk boy confesses his sins

Oh, hello! Yes, I’m coming to you live to say that this was supposed to be a blurb but turned out to be a 3.5k oneshot that will most likely actually have a second part because recovery is a thing that doesn’t get enough attention. I had this idea driving back home from out of town and listening to “Taking Me Back” by LANY. Highly suggest a listen. I was originally just going to write straight angst, but the more I wrote Shawn the softer I got...so without further ado, here it is. 

warnings: 3.5k of angsty sad boy...you might hate me later idk

Soft pellets of rain splash against the floor-to-ceiling windows as his warm hands trace slow, circular patterns on the bare skin of your back. It’s soothing, incongruent to the feeling of his fingers bruising your hips as you rode him a few hours ago. The sheet sits low, draped across both your hips. He leans down to kiss your shoulder blade, sending a chill all the way down your spine. Peppered kisses warm your blood, making a home between your thighs again.

“If you don’t intend to finish what you’re starting, then stop right now,” you say only half sternly, your cheek smushed to the back of your hand resting against the mattress.

“Honey, have I ever been a quitter?” he smirks, disappearing beneath the sheet.

You let out a loud squeak when his massive hands flip your hips over, pressing your back into the sheets again. He spreads your knees wide to make room for him between your legs and your squeak turns into a deep moan. Your fingers fist into his floppy curls and tug, bringing his eyes to yours, mouth open and chest heaving.

“Fuck, I love you so much,” he breathes. He says it again above you, inside you, over and over until your toes curl and you scream it back to him.

You woke up to heavy sheets of rain pounding against the windows. His fingers, his heavy body, his warmth weren’t there. He hadn’t been there for months. Restless sleep and a cold bed had been your companions since then. That day you woke up to 400 text messages and one TMZ report.

Bleary eyed with shaking fingers, you had clicked on the link. Seen the photos. His fingers interwoven with hers. His eyes on the camera. That knowing smirk. He’d wanted them to see. Wanted you to see. He had left for meetings in LA just two days before, a kiss on the forehead and a promise to call.

You’d lost count of how many texts from him you’d deleted without reading. Changed his name to LYING BASTARD after he’d left messages you didn’t listen to. What possible reason could he have given? There couldn’t be an explanation for this. Just because you’d never gone public with your relationship, just because you hadn’t wanted to open up your life to public scrutiny and fandom opinion, didn’t mean that it had meant nothing to you. The handful of your friends who had known were tight-lipped, dead silent to anyone who would have paid them money for information. What you had had with Shawn had been private and you both liked it that way...hadn’t he? Apparently not. It hadn’t been hard for him to throw it away with one clasped hand and a conveniently placed cactus.

The dreams still came almost every night, haunting you with happiness. Looking over at the clock, you groaned. 2:30 AM it blinked green against the darkness. You shifted and stared at the ceiling, counting thunderclaps, begging sleep to take you again. Take you back to a different time, a different dream. Your eyes began to drift.

Boom, boom.

Thunder rang louder than before. The storm was moving closer. But when had the lightning struck?

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

It wasn’t thunder. You wrenched the comforter off of you and scrambled to your feet. Someone was banging on the door. What had been a low and rumbling pattern of knocks at first was now frantic pounding. What in the world? Reaching for a thin cotton robe, you rushed to the front door.

“I’m coming!” you shouted, darting across the living room, “who is–”

You stopped short.

“Baby, please,” he sobbed. Shawn. Surprise mixed with hot rage and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. The concoction was numbing, like liquid lidocaine traveling in your bloodstream from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes. You didn’t remember getting to the door or gripping the knob, but it swung open anyway.

Shawn Mendes fell into your apartment face first. He tripped over the threshold and into your stiff arms. He must have been leaning on the door frame.

“Oh god, I didn’t think you’d answer,” he slurred, smelling somewhere between a wet dog and straight tequila. You caught at his shoulders and pushed him up against the entryway wall.

“Shawn, what the fuck are you doing here?” you practically spat at him. Venum pooled in your mouth. It was acrid, all-consuming. It took a minute for the red rage clouding your vision to recede, allowing his face to come into sharp relief.

His cheeks were blotchy, stained with tears. His eyes glassy and unfocused. He was drunk. Drunker than you’d ever seen him. He was also soaking wet. His waterlogged clothes dripped fat drops that splashed on your hardwood floor forming a puddle under his expensive shoes.

“Did you walk here?”

He nodded his head. Well, it was more of a lull to the side if you were being honest.

“How?”

“With my feet,” he slurred again. He lurched off the wall and tried to take a step forward. Instead he pitched forward, wrapping his arms around you and soaking your robe through to the tank top underneath.

“I see you haven’t lost the sarcasm,” the poison you had tasted earlier was quickly replaced with concern. You slithered out from his embrace and let him lean against your shoulder. “Come on, I’ll get you a towel.”

You deposited him on your sofa and he immediately slumped sideways, laying his cheek against the cool leather. Grabbing some fresh towels from the hall closet, you took a second and leaned against the wall before going back to the living room, hidden from Shawn’s line of sight. Not that he’d see me anyway he’s so smashed. What is he doing here? Why here? Why me? Where is his precious famous girlfriend? Why isn’t she picking his drunk ass up off the couch?

The anger flared again but it had lost its bite. He was obviously in some kind of pain, but you weren’t going to get anything out of him like this. You sighed heavily, heading to the kitchen for water and some ibuprofen before returning to the couch.

“Shawn?” You crouched down next to him, reaching out to push a curl back off of his face. He was snoring, a bit of drool coming from the corner of his perfect lips. He was so peaceful.

Snap out of it.

“Shawn, you have to get out of these wet clothes.”

He stirred, opening just one eye to look at you. It took him a minute to reorient.

“How long was I asleep?” He swiped at his mouth and sat up slowly.

“About three minutes. Now get up and strip.” You stood above him expectantly, fighting the urge to tap your toe at him. He fumbled with the buttons on his dark blue silk Oxford shirt. The fabric stuck to every defined muscle in his torso, every cut of his biceps. You counted to thirty before he got one undone.

“You’re going to get hypothermia if you keep that up,” you thrust the towel at him, “how about you dry your hair instead and let me handle the hard stuff?”

He mussed his hair with the towel while you crouched down in front of him, making quick work of his buttons. When the shirt finally hung open, you pushed it back and off his shoulders, revealing what seemed like miles of lightly tanned skin. Dammit. How can he still be so fucking beautiful? You had tried to hate him, tried to block him from your memory, but he always came back. The memories and the feelings and the pain always came back.

You tossed his soaked shirt across the room near the door to the washer. His body sagged forward. His curls were dry, big and frizzed from root to tip, but at least he wasn’t catching a chill. He needed to get horizontal quickly or he was probably going to toss his cookies right here on your white leather couch.

“Shawn,” you tapped at his face to refocus him again, “drink this and take these.” You held out the water and ibuprofen. He took them with no argument. Definitely too drunk. Sober, he would have spouted some bullshit about over-the-counter drugs being bad for your health or toxic for your muscles or something he’d heard From Jocelyne or Cez. You were thankful that you didn’t have to listen to that nonsense tonight. He would thank you in the morning when the headache was dull instead of blinding.

“Now, stand up and strip off the rest of it,” you ordered.

“Naked, eh?” His eyebrow raised at the same time as the corner of his mouth. You rolled your eyes.

“Throw it over there with your shirt. I think I still have a pair of your boxers hanging around somewhere,” you grumbled, turning your back on him and marching toward the bedroom. The truth was that you knew you had a pair of his boxers because you’d washed them recently after wearing them to bed when you missed him. The dreams always felt more vivid on those nights but you wore them anyway. For the same reason I just invited his drunk ass inside tonight. Because I’m a fucking masochist. You grabbed the boxers, navy and white stripes with little anchors on them, and returned to your living room.

He stood in the center of the room, between the couch and his wet laundry, in nothing but a towel wrapped low around his hips. His skin was dry finally, flushed where he’d scrubbed at it, glowing in the low city lights trickling through the windows. He was a little dazed and a lot sleepy, inspecting his hands and fingers where they had pruned in the rain. It was like one of your dreams, a memory of what had been. Everything had been such a mess for the months he’d been gone. A gaping hole in your chest had opened and as much as you’d tried to mend, to get over him, he’d left a wound that wouldn’t heal. When he burst through the door, beneath all the anger, it felt like breathing for the first time. Feeling for the first time. He belonged here and you belonged with him.

Then why did he leave?

“Shawn,” his head snapped up, eyes wide, “why are you here?” He grimaced, hearing the pain in your voice. He seemed to be sobering, the bright rosy color in his cheeks was returning to a muted pink. Reaching up to scrub at his damp curls, he cleared his throat.

“I….” his voice was hoarse, “I’m not sure.” You walked over to his pile of wet clothes and tossed them in the washer, keeping silent while he watched you, waiting for a reaction. Or an explosion. The only sounds in the room were the machine filling with water and your padded footsteps back to a safe distance from him. The rain had stopped.

“Well, you’re naked in my living room so you better start fucking figuring it out!” You threw the anchor printed boxers squarely at his chest as the rage came simmering back.

“I missed you, okay?!” He threw his arms wide, sputtering, “I, I was out drinking with the boys and got too drunk and was thinking about how happy I used to be and that happiness was all because of you…” He was looking at you but looking through you at the same time, like he could see all of those memories you’d been dreaming of, like maybe he’d dreamt them too. You shook your head. It didn’t make any sense. He was happy with her. He left you for her. He’s supposed to be with her.

“Don’t lie, I saw the fucking photos, Shawn. Don’t act like I don’t know that smile as well I know my own. You looked pretty fucking pleased with yourself,” you hissed. Images flashed across the back of your eyelids like a slide projector with every swift blink away from his face: her long dark hair fluttering behind her as they walked back to his hotel; his curls fluffed out in weird directions like her fingers had run through them in the car; that fucking bag strapped to his back like the perfect boyfriend. It was the last photo that always sent a wave of nausea, the one of him hanging over the balcony half naked. Whether they’d fucked or not was a moot point, that’s what they wanted people to think. What he wanted me to think.

“You could have picked up the goddamn phone and broken up with me like a civilized person,” you scolded, still unable to look at him.

“IT WASN’T REAL!” He bent over with the force of his confession.

Your head shot up. What?

“What??” A weightless feeling came over you. Looking down, you had to check that your feet were still on the ground. It didn’t make sense. You must have heard him wrong.

“I-I don’t understand,” you stuttered, “I saw it, all of it.”

“Didn’t you read my texts?” He sounded like he was under three feet of water. Your ears were ringing. “I called so many times...I just thought you needed time to get over me not telling you before the pictures leaked but you never called back. None of your friends would answer my messages...” You covered your ears and closed your eyes to block out the sensory overload even though he was still talking. No, no, no. He got caught cheating and he’s trying to backtrack.

But you had heard the rumors, the gossip rags had all printed it. The doubt, the convenience of the timing...but you’d blocked it out because it was too easy to believe and too painful to hope.

Two hands gripped your upper arms and your eyes flew open.

He was right in front of you. Less than three inches. His eyes were so dark, still dilated from the alcohol coursing through his system. He’d put on the boxers you’d thrown at him and ditched the towel. It was everything you had to not pitch forward into his warm chest.

“It was Andrew’s idea.” He hooked a finger underneath your chin and made sure you were looking at him. “There was a meeting, her people, my people, they ambushed me. Said it would be a good idea to promote the single, push my image, deal with the old rumors. I told him I didn’t give a fuck about that old shit but they just kept coming and coming and coming, something about helping her with her album and placating executives who kept asking questions, so I said yes but I fucking told them I had to have notice before they dropped the pictures so I could tell you…” He swiped his thumbs across your cheeks, smearing the wet tears that had fallen while he talked.

“They didn’t wait,” he sighed, “Andrew sold them without telling me. I tried to tell you. All those calls, all those texts, I promise I didn’t want you to be blindsided.”

“But I fucking was, Shawn,” you stepped back and took a deep breath. “You had opportunities to call right after the meeting, before they took the pictures, but you waited. Why? Why did you wait for other people to break my fucking heart?”

“I was an idiot!” he raked his fingers through his knotted, dried curls. “I thought somehow that if I was able to control everything that no one could get hurt. I would tell you, we would keep doing us and I would have things I had to do in front of cameras but it wouldn’t mean anything. We would work on a plan to go public together after it was done. A few months at the most.”

“A few months?! What were we gonna do for months in hiding?! How many times were you going to hurt me, fulfilling some bullshit contractual obligation that you didn’t even discuss with me first?” You stumbled back to your room and he followed. You had to sit down or you were going to be sick. He followed behind, his giant feet sticking to the hardwoods with every step.

At first, the truth had felt like another dream, had made you weightless, but the more you thought about it, maybe this was worse. The idea of seeing him holding someone else’s hand for cameras while he came home to you at night was like a slap in the face.

“I wasn’t going to let them release the pictures before I talked to you first, before I knew it was okay,” he knelt down in front of you, taking your hands between his, “I never wanted to hurt you. Andrew did it anyway. When you wouldn’t return my calls, I just went along with it, all of it, like a zombie shell.” He looked past you, seeing the months you’d been apart. He was haunted too.

“The fans started to notice. Half of them thought it was fake from the beginning, but after awhile they all saw the dark circles, the exhaustion of keeping up the facade. I started losing weight. It was all there for the world to see. I thought about you everyday. I think about you everyday.” He pressed his forehead into your entwined hands. His shoulders shook. It took you a minute to realize that he was crying.

You took your hands from him, dragging your fingers through his curls, full and frizzed out from root to tip. You let him cry for the both of you, for the lost time, for the unfairness of the business he loved so much, for the deception, for all of it. Slowly, his breath evened against the skin of your exposed legs. He needed to sleep. So did you.

“Shawn…” you started, pulling his head up between your hands.

“I fired Andrew.”

You stilled completely, “you what?”

“I fired Andrew.” He said it a second time but it still wasn’t computing. Andrew was family. Andrew was untouchable. Andrew was the one person in Shawn’s life not related by blood that you thought might make it into the family burial plot.

“But, why?” you said, unable to think of anything else eloquent or comforting.

“The last eight months have been some of the worst in my career, in my life,” he took a moment, closing his eyes, calculating what he was about to say. “Last week, I went to him and said I wanted to end the sham relationship, to take control of my life back. He said it wasn’t possible, that we only had a few more months left. But he’d said that before. We only had a few months left before he extended the deal to cover an album release, the holidays, promotional singles...

“I talked to a lawyer. I had to pay a considerable amount of money to get out of all of it, but I’m done. Done with the PR bullshit, done with AGA. The label is still supporting me while I look for new management, but I’m taking a break. I’ve been writing at home, making voice memos, but I gotta figure out what my life looks like when I’m in control because I haven’t been in control for years. Maybe not ever.”

He took a breath and released it, his shoulders visibly relaxing. That was it, the whole truth. Everything made a lot more sense. It didn’t hurt any less, but the broken pain in his eyes when he’d fallen in the door an hour ago was clear. He was independent for the first time in his adult life...and he was terrified.

He yawned. His body was more leaning than kneeling at this point, and your legs were going numb. You moved to stand and he looked up at you, wondering what to do now that he’d cut his heart out and laid it at your feet.

“Come on,” you gestured to the bed, “get on your side.”

You took off your robe and crawled underneath the covers, still rumpled from your earlier dream. There was about three feet between you and Shawn in the king-size bed and you could tell he was trying to keep his distance, turning his back to you and isolating himself to one side. It was a struggle to keep from snorting. You scooted over and curled your arms around his chest. He was massive, but not so massive that you couldn’t be his big spoon.

The night had been such a rollercoaster, so much emotion from the earlier dream to everything that had happened since he pounded on the door, drunk and soaked through. There was so much you wanted to ask, so much you needed to yell at him for, but now that it was quiet, not that he was pressed against you in an embrace like he’d never left, those things felt so far away. You were going to have to think hard when the sun came up. What if I wake up and this was all a dream? You squeezed him one more time to make sure he was still there, tangling your legs with his under the sheets.

“This isn’t forgiveness,” you whispered, relishing the heat that radiated from his back into your chest. He hummed an assent, knowing there was still so much to say and so much to atone for. But for now, just right now, you both slept.

It was the best night of sleep you’d had in months.

taglist: @justanotherfangurl272​  @siennarossi​ @trustfundshawn​ @alone-in-madness​ @harryandmolly​ @thatindiannerdygirl​ @mendesromano​ @fromthicctosticc​ @esoltis280​ @softmendesss​ @sinplisticshawn​ @nedthegay​ @september-lace​ @itrocksmysocks​ @disaster-rose​ @mendesoft​ @luvluvxx​ @i-play-video-games​ @ihearthemcallingforyou​ @gentleshawn​ @kitykatnumber​ @enchantingbrowneyedgirl​ @ijustreallylikeshawnokay​ @shhhawnmendes​ @shawnsblue​ @imaginashawnns​ @night-girls-world​ @cherrysruin​ @mariahocker​ @jessybellsworld​ @myangelarcade​ @valedictorian65​

let me know if you want to be added/taken off...I know shawnblr is a different world since the last time I posted anything ❤️

[korpuskat]

Kinktober Day 10 - Cybering - Tomura Shigaraki/Eijirou Kirishima

[Ao3 Mirror] Rating: Teen (series will be Explicit) Word Count: 2,732 Summary:  Running the League of Villains and being on the run without any resources is really stressful. Sometimes, Shigaraki just wants to relax, play a game, and virtually kill people.Kirishima feels the same way. Contains: Among Us shenanigans, future Kirishima/Shigaraki

I’ve been wanting to write this fic for a while and once again I can’t make it short enough to write in one day so here’s a like 2 or 3 part series.

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He's tired. Exhausted. More than anything in the world Tomura Shigaraki misses his bed- his room- his consoles and games from the time before. Before Kamino, before Sensei had gone and-

Tomura scowls, chases the thought from his mind. He's been over this a hundred times, been stewing in it even day for weeks, there's no point getting worked up again. So he does what little he can to relax, to lie back on the old, dingy mattress and the rotted, half-ripped sheets. His coat will act as a fine enough blanket tonight, but for now- now he's too tense, too angry to sleep. Normally, he'd invest some time in his latest game, a series he can drop an hour into until he's finally relaxed and ready to get the sleep that eludes him.

But then. He's lost that too, hasn't he? He's left with only his phone and a data plan on someone's bill somewhere that has yet to be traced to him. (At least he hopes; would be rather awkward if the heroes were aware of his late night search history).

There are few games he can play and enjoy, mindless things, but damn if there isn't one that keeps his attention. Tomura sets his name to Dust and loads into the first lobby he sees. As soon as he loads in he moves to the laptop to change his color to black. The chat explodes:

KingExplos (orange): you made it public dumbass KingExplos (orange): gtfo rando

Tomura sneers at the next one, considers finding another lobby.

AllMight (green): Welcome! Floaty (pink): hi!

The prospect of being imposter and killing him first makes Tomura stay.

RedRiot (red): Oops sparky (yellow): but we got 10 players now! RedRiot (red): Ignore orange, Dust Alienqueen (purple): He's cranky lol

They must all know each other, probably all in a Discord together. So long as they're not teaming, it doesn't matter, he can put up with their too-friendly chatter for now.

Dust (black): start RedRiot (red): Right!! Sorry!!

Tomura rolls his eyes, but settles back into his pillow as the timer counts down. The first round goes smoothly; he's a crewmate and works through his tasks with stunning precision, except for the damn card swipe that takes three attempts. He ends up doing the refueling task at the same time as red, the energetic little bean circling his own black avatar a few times in enthusiasm. Tomura scowls, considers the likelihood that red is an imposter all too happy to follow Tomura to the engines, but lets that worry fade- as halfway through the first refueling someone reports orange's body.

Alienqueen (purple): where Froppy (lime): where? Shouto (white): ?

Then, the location come in one by one, all except for the reporter:

AllMight (green): froppy and I were in admin! Froppy (lime): yep sparky (yellow): afk in caf lol Shouto (white): elec with alien

It takes a minute, and Tomura begins to suspect a self-report, until at last:

Ingen (blue): KingExplos's body was outside Navigation and I am sure I saw Floaty running away towards Oxygen! Therefore, pink is an imposter! Floaty (pink): what!! I was at up engine, blue's lying

Tomura grins, he does so love this part.

Dust (black): pink's lying. Dust (black): i was in up engine. RedRiot (red): Yeah!! RedRiot (red): Dust and I were doing refuel together! Floaty (pink): I was just outside, going to medbay Floaty (pink): Ingen don't lie to them!!

The banner pops up: Dust has voted. The rest of the group follows, ringing in one after another.

Froppy (lime): sorry floaty Floaty (pink): dang it Ingen!!

Sure enough, a little pink bean floats out into space followed by Floaty was an Imposter. Easy. Even if blue was slow on clarifying, it should be an easy game with only one dead and one imposter left.

The game resumes- and Red excitedly follows Tomura's avatar back to the upper engines to finish refueling. Tomura finishes first and- watching as Red's avatar remains stuck to the console- waits for Red to finish. It's logical, Tomura decides, to go in pairs and not get split up. Even if he wins, it still sucks to die. And when Red runs to him, circles him again, they pass by the reactor to go get more fuel to do lower engine.

There's no body interruption this time. Tomura only has one task left and it's trash. The bar's not far enough over yet for him to use his visual task- but Red circles him obnoxiously again and moves back and forth back towards storage. He has nothing better to do, Tomura decides, and follows him. Red leads him past storage, past comms, and up the corridor into weapons. He stops next to the console- and sure enough, the ship's lasers fire as Red does the asteroid game.

Well, at least Tomura knows he wasn't running around with the only other murderer on the ship. Red circles him again, excitedly following as Tomura wanders back into the cafeteria.

Just in time to watch green snap lime's neck.

Tomura blinks, then huffs a single amused half-laugh. But Red is the one to get there first, smashing the report button as green still just stands there over lime's bisected corpse.

RedRiot (red): DEKU!!!!!!!! RedRiot (red): WHY!!!!!! AllMight (green): I'm sorry! Alienqueen (purple): where RedRiot (red): YOU KILLED HER??? AllMight (green): I'm sorry, Froppy!!!! Shouto!! Chargebolt!!

Sure enough, the crewmate list shows not just lime dead, but white and yellow too. Impressive, actually. Tomura wonders where the bodies were, if only the one they witnessed is the one that got reported. Probably electrical. Red continues his caps ranting.

RedRiot (red): UNMANLY! Ingen (blue): Where was the body found, RedRiot? Dust (black): its green Alienqueen (purple): omg! all might's an imposter!

Tomura resists snorting. The votes come in fast- ending with green voting for himself. He spins off into space and Tomura is rewarded with the winner's screen. He's shocked to see everyone- everyone load back into the lobby. Not a single leaver? They're definitely in a group together.

KingExplos (orange): WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL ME FIRST?? Floaty (pink): gg lol sparky (yellow): killed by all might sparky (yellow): what a way to go AllMight (green): I said I'm sorry! Shouto (white): It's alright, that's how you win. Alienqueen (purple): no its alMIGHT KingExplos (orange): SHUT UP AND START

Tomura allows himself to laugh at that at least, orange's frustration more so than purple's joke. They're not terrible, no obvious cheaters thus far- and their ingroup dynamics keep the focus off him.

This time, the text pops up red. Imposter. Tomura grins- and notices the character off to the side of his avatar. Red. Well. So long as he isn't following him around like a lost dog, maybe Tomura can carry him to a win.

The game starts and Tomura immediately heads down to admin, stops in front of the wiring panel and waits, watches the other characters filter in and out- for a moment it is just him and green (an urge to kill All Might no matter who catches him is intense), but pink and purple both wander in and Tomura has to move on. He heads down to storage, finds nobody idling there (too close to admin anyway). Electrical is obvious, a great kill spot, but on a whim he heads right into communications- and finds orange by his lonesome.

He drops into the room, slits orange's throat, and is back out heading up past shields, nav, and weapons. On the way he passes Red, who stops to wiggle back and forth at him before continuing on down the way Tomura came from. Tomura makes it all the way into the cafeteria and presses up to the wiring panel next to blue. He waits for the kill cooldown to reset- is just about to tap the button when--

Body reported! Tomura scowls- and blinks at the megaphone under Red's name. Blinks at the second red X in the crew list, white also having been killed and not by Tomura.

RedRiot (red): Stop killing Explos first! I can hear him yelling up there!! Alienqueen (purple): where? RedRiot (red): Comms AllMight (green): oh no RedRiot (red): Came from nav and didn't see anybody

Tomura stares at the chat. He'd killed white and reported orange's body to look innocent, not a bad plan-

Ingen (blue): I was doing the trash removal in cafeteria with Dust who was doing wiring. Floaty (pink): was in the middle of reactor game :( Alienqueen (purple): f Alienqueen (purple): in medbay waiting on samples sparky (yellow): wait shoutos dead too Froppy (lime): deku is it you again? AllMight (green): what!! no!! RedRiot (red): You can't kill your way to being at the top of the class!!

Students. Ah. Makes sense how they all know each other now, the dynamics at play. Perfect.

sparky (yellow): all might sus lol AllMight (green): i'm not!! AllMight (green): i was in elec doing the spinny thing Dust (black): alone? AllMight (green): i think so sparky (yellow): sus lol Alienqueen (purple): yeahhh sparky (yellow): wait sparky (yellow): dust where were you???

Tomura rolls his eyes.

Froppy (lime): ingen said they were in cafe with him Dust (black): wires in cafe w blue sparky (yellow): oh Floaty (pink): read chat spark lmao sparky (yellow): sorry dust llo sparky (yellow): lol* Alienqueen (purple): youre so dumb omg Ingen (blue): Dust and I were in the cafeteria completing tasks. Froppy (lime): are we voting? sparky (yellow): green is sus for sure!! Floaty (pink): idk :( RedRiot (red): Elec is near comms and he was alone...

Tomura's finger hovers over the vote button. Too aggressive and he'll look suspicious... but voting someone off immediately would definitely help.

Alienqueen (purple): im skipping for now Alienqueen (purple): but ur on thin ice!!! AllMight (green): its not me!!!

The votes rolls in one by one. Red's appears in the list- and Tomura wishes he'd been more clear how he was voting. He plays it safe, skips. There's plenty of time to coax out that suspicion. The results tally up: pink, yellow, and sure enough Red had voted for green. If Tomura had voted the other way it would've been enough to eject him- damn. It's fine, he can work with it.

The game resumes and Tomura guides his avatar through rooms, pauses at task locations to seem genuine, to wait for a good opportunity. He finds the perfect one, at the bottom of storage blue leads him towards the trash chute. The grin that curls at his lips is cruel, but he can't help it. They're the perfect target, blue's precision could be a problem if Tomura needs to lie. Blue wiggles then stops to complete the task- trash explodes out from the side of the ship, proving blue's innocence. Tomura already knew that. Before blue can step away somewhere more visible, he taps the kill button and his black avatar skewers blue's.

He runs towards electrical, dips in and makes it all the way to the vent, stopping there- and waits for just a moment. It might be risky to leave electric so close to the body, so he jumps in the vent and slides his way over to security, popping out when he's sure no one is around. Easy. He stands by the cams but stares at the hallway, waiting for a potential victim as his timer ticks down. People probably aren't done, not concerned with using security yet- and just as Tomura is about to give up and seek out prey for himself, a little pink bean comes running by.

They turn into the reactor room and approach one of the tasks. Tomura sits at the other task, right next to each other- only seconds left, 5, 4, 3- he just needs them to be below average at the memory game- 2, 1-

He jams the button as they begin to run away and his avatar stabs theirs and- Body reported!

It's fine, it's fine. Nobody else was in reactor with him, he's sure.

Dust (black): where Alienqueen (purple): KIRI....... AllMight (green): where? sparky (yellow): ? RedRiot (red): uh Alienqueen (purple): KIRI KILLED TSU....

Shit.

sparky (yellow): riot!!! how is that manly!! Alienqueen (purple): RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME IN MEDBAY AllMight (green): omg Dust (black): lol

Tomura is definitely not laughing out loud, but if he doesn't respond he'll look suspicious.

RedRiot (red): Look!! RedRiot (red): You weren't supposed to come in!! sparky (yellow): hahaha ok vote kiri Alienqueen (purple): YOU KILLED TSU! RedRiot (red): You weren't supposed to see!!

That does make Tomura shake his head, perhaps a little amused at Red's explanation. No use trying to defend him. He taps the vote button and they come pouring in. Tomura can still win this, he's pulled it off with worse- so long as Red sticks around to pull out some sabotages for him, there's a good chance. The voting ends, green being the last hold out-- and Tomura's mouth drops open.

As one final parting gift, Red has voted for green.

Red's body goes spinning off into space, the confirmation RedRiot was an Imposter appearing after

It doesn't always mean something, but maybe, maybe, the rest of the crew will think it was Red implicating green as his co-conspirator. The game resumes and Tomura wanders over towards medbay. They'll probably be grouping up soon, he needs to work fast to separate them- and the alarm makes his screen flash. Red's already at work.

Tomura crosses cafe to go to oxygen, stands at the console there- and yes. yes. purple comes running in from nav. The cooldown from the round starting is rough, but it's enough, it has to be- the sabotage ends (damn, if he could've killed her before that, he could've won immediately) just as it comes off the timer. The black avatar rips open to reveal a mouth and takes a chomp out of purple.

Tomura runs to the cafeteria- and watches as yellow slams the emergency button. He'll notice purple is dead, they were together, shit-

sparky (yellow): deku!!!!!!!!

and yellow. Yellow votes. Tomura full-on fucking laughs.

AllMight (green): what!! sparky (yellow): you been sus all game its you isnt it!!! AllMight (green): no!! it's you! accusing me to get the rando to vote me out and win! sparky (yellow): omg no! Dust (black): actually Dust (black): it's neither of you

and Tomura votes for green.

sparky (yellow): OMG sparky (yellow): R U FR AllMight (green): i told you!!!! sparky (yellow): how do u change ur vote???? Dust (black): you cant AllMight (green): that was too sneaky dust

Green accepts his fate, votes for himself. Tomura wishes he was actually All Might- that'd certainly be a novel way to kill him, to eject him into space. The winner's screen appears: Black's avatar and the ghost of RedRiot standing as menacingly as little bean creatures can.

He taps through the ad, loads back into the lobby.

RedRiot (red): Haha! We got y'all! KingExplos (orange): you fucking dick Alienqueen (purple): denki ur a moron LMAO Floaty (pink): that was amazing dust KingExplos (orange): fucking killing me first again Floaty (pink): but omg :( AllMight (green): i told you!! Floaty (pink): I just needed to do reactor :( RedRiot (red): Dust you were beast!!

Tomura blinks, feels sweat gather on his palms. A few of the players from the previous game didn't return.

Dust (black): thanks RedRiot (red): Do you have discord?? RedRiot (red): I have go to sleep but we made a great team! RedRiot (red): Should play again some time!!

He shouldn't. It's not like his discord is private or obviously him or anything, Tomura only uses it for the gaming servers, a quicker way to look for group before loading in- but he hasn't needed to do that in some time. He'd been swiping away any notifications, set himself on do not disturb and didn't open it to not make himself miss his consoles.

But he liked this. Red was good, good instincts, wasn't overly annoying or stupid, and more than anything, they had good synchronization. What harm could it be? At worst Tomura just blocks him, at best they play Among Us some more. He waits for two more people to leave the group, probably also headed off to sleep if they're all students before typing out his username.

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[cal-puddies]

idk if your doing requests but i’ve had this idea stuck in my head for a days and i think it would be such a cute imagine. you and calum are best friends but you both like each other and after the boys finish recording best years they all invite their girlfriends into the studio to listen to it and they tell you to come because they know calum’s contribution for the song was lowkey about you and while your listening he just looks and u and omg i’m in love with this man

“Hey monkey cheeks... hi little handsome!” You greet, walking into Cal’s. Duke comes right up to you and flops on his back for a belly rub.

“Hey jerkface.” Cal greets.

“How’s the album coming?” You ask, picking Duke up so you could keep rubbing his belly.

“It’s good. I think we’re really capturing where we are right now. Luke just wrote something killer, so I’m pumped.”

“Well Luke is a great writer.” You shrug.

“Yeah... you staying tonight?” He asks, gently touching your lower back.

“Eh... undecided but you know I can be persuaded.” You smirk. “Here, back to your pops, baby Duke.” You hoist the dog into Calum’s arms.

“What’s it gonna take to get you to stay?”

“Beg? Hours of oral? Not sure yet.” You shrug.

“You know id do either.” He smirks.

“Which is why I keep coming back to your bed.” You grin. You grab yourself a glass and make a drink real quick. “Have you had dinner?”

“Nope. Was just gonna see if you wanted to eat together.” He admits.

You help yourself to his fridge and decide to cook him something. “When’s the last time you didn’t eat take out?” You ask, moving easily through his space.

“Been a bit, yeah?” He laughs.

“That’s what I thought.”

You do end up staying the night, and Cal shows his appreciation for a home cooked meal with a couple rounds of oral, and a nice and slow session chest to chest. That usually meant he was feeling some type of way about something. You’d lay next to him and he’d be there with you, holding your or your hand, but you could also feel he was far away. His hand slides up and down your back, his lips kissing the top of your head until you turn to face him.

“You ok Monkey Cheeks?” You whisper.

“Yeah, I’m ok jerkface. Glad you came over tonight, Happy you���re staying.” He whispers back, finally meeting your eyes.

“Me too.” You press your lips to his chest, and he just holds you as you fall asleep.

He takes a deep breath while he watches you sleep, letting your scent fill his nose, your presence just surround him. He can’t shake the feeling that you belong there, but he knows he can’t ask you to be there right now. He can’t be there for you the way he wants to be.

And that starts the internal argument, Luke and Michael have figured it out, and Ash is working on it. Why couldn’t he do it?

But he could, he had. He just didn’t want that for you, didn’t want you sitting alone at dinner tables, and explaining to your family that he couldn’t be there because he was on tour, didnt want you ordering drinks alone at a bar while he was out across the world.

He takes you out with Ash for coffee and breakfast in the morning, he low key pays, but doesn’t touch you in any way, and you were used to it. This is what being with Cal meant, and you accepted it.

You miss him when it’s weeks between seeing him because schedules don’t line up, and you’d never want him to feel bad so you don’t tell him you wait for him. When he’s on tour he asks who you’re dating, and you’ll make up a date or two, but ultimately no one lasts long.

And he doesn’t understand that, because he thinks you’re perfect.

You’re sprawled on your couch one afternoon when Ash sends you a text.

- we’re previewing a couple versions of some songs tonight, why don’t you come by?

You weigh your options, you’d love to see all the guys but it’s basically a guarantee that you won’t get any attention from Cal. You’d like to see him anyway, maybe you could get him to go for a drink after. Luke and Sierra would probably go.

You decide you have to go when Sierra and Crystal both text and to ask you to come and Luke calls.

So you do a little make up, put on the good jeans, and throw on a t shirt you tie up.

You let yourself into the studio Ash directed you to.

“You came!” Luke says in his larger than life way while squeezing you and picking you up. You get hugs from the girls, Ash and Michael, and Cal hugs you so it’s not horribly awkward.

Luke and Ash talk animatedly about the songs they play for your, Wildflower, Best Years, and Not In The Same Way. And there were already a couple versions of each.

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you for Wildflower, but you feel Cal’s on you during Best Years, while you watch Luke’s face as he watches Sierra.

You glance at Cal out of the corner of your eye, and you don’t recognize the look on his face, but you don’t dwell on it.

“You all never cease to amaze me.” You admit, to Luke while everyone’s mingling.

“Thank you!” Luke grins, “think Sierra and I might be going for drinks, you should come, I’m gonna ask Cal too. Michael already said no and Ash needs to go do yoga, I think he said.” He explains.

“I’d like that. I’d just be going home to be on my couch.” You chuckle.

“No cant have that, come out for a couple drinks.”

Sierra comes over, “Cal’s in!” She stands on her toes and kisses Luke’s cheek and then she turns toward you, “what about you? Drinks? Say yes! Please!” She asks, before giving you a chance.

“Yeah, I just told Luke I’d go.” You chuckle.

“Ok! Good! I’m gonna ride with Cal, we’ll see you guys there.” She kisses Luke and turns and he grabs her hand. “So he can’t change his mind.”

“Fair... you wanna follow me?” He looks at you.

“Sure.” You laugh.

Luke gets you guys in VIP, and he gets his tequila on the rocks and lets you order what you want before you guys grab a table, waiting for Sierra and Cal to show up.

Luke talks to you about how work is going for you, and catching up. You’ve been around awhile, hanging out with Cal, a couple years now. But he knows it’s more than that, he knows the way Cal’s face lights up when you come around, or he gets a text from you. He loves getting to FaceTime you. And Luke knows it’s deeper than that. All of them have walked in on you and Cal having a moment or sharing a kiss, the long hugs goodbye. Or even just noticing the little touches or the grins when you lock eyes across the room. And he wants more dirt about it without outright asking you.

But Cal and Sierra show up and Sierra tells him to sit next to you.

“Hey,” he grins at you, face softening.

You’re there for about an hour and Cal keeps touching your thigh or brushing your hands together under the table, and then Sierra is asking for you to come with her.

“Good, girls are gone. Let’s cut the shit.” Luke says, leaning closer to Cal.

Cal finds it abrupt and he’s confused. “Excuse me, brov?” He asks.

“What are you doing with her? Are you gonna date her or just keep dragging her along? She’s so good for you Cal, we all see it. And she makes you so happy. And you deserve that. But she doesn’t deserve this.”

“We’re friends.” Cal shrugs.

“Nah, mate. No one believes that. You don’t even believe that you’re just friends. I don’t know what’s holding you back from her. You’re lying to yourself. You don’t think every one of us saw the way you were looking at her tonight? Even if we all didn’t already know, we would now.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do Luke! She deserves better than what I can give her right now, with our schedule!”

“You’ll figure it out. It might be tough but you’d do it to keep her happy... if she makes you this happy... I saw your face when you saw her here... you can’t string her along forever. Someone else is gonna give her everything you want to give her.”

Luke shuts up, because you and Sierra are coming back, and he doesn’t want you to hear this.

After another drink you look at your phone and laugh, “it’s so late. How does this always happen with you!” You accuse the table.

“Do you need to go? I’ll get an Uber with you.” Cal offers.

“Ummm...” you look at him and glance at Luke and Sierra giving you intense stares. “Yeah. I mean I can stay too, just didn’t realize it was already this late.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m ready to go.” Cal says, leaning into you.

“Yeah.. were gonna go too. You two stay safe. We’ll swing by tomorrow and bring you to get your cars.” Luke says. You grab your phone and your jacket and the four of you make your way outside.

“You coming to mine?” Cal asks, quietly, though he doesn’t know why because obviously all of his friends know about you. He pulls out his phone to get the Uber.

“Uh, no I think I just wanna go home, sleep in my own bed.” You shrug.

“Ok.” He nods. You all wait together til the cars come, hugs are shared. Cal calls Luke big fella when he wishes him goodnight and Sierra and Luke call him sweet boy. And you melt a little at that exchange. You love the way Cal is with his friends. You ride quietly to your place, only about a mile from Calum’s. He walks you to your door to make sure you make it, and he shoots you a goodnight text, which included a picture of him and Duke in bed.

And Cal can’t sleep. His mind is just going over and over what Luke said. And how you look at him, and you always come, and are always there.

And fuck, Luke’s right. You could have anyone, and he doesn’t want to chance that you’ll find that anyone while he’s gone on tour. You’d figure it out. This only doesn’t work if you don’t want him too. And he really doesn’t want to get hurt that way.

- if you aren’t already with her, go to her. Luke told me he talked to you. Sierra texts him.

He checks the time, it’s almost 3 am. You’re bound to be asleep. But he figures he’ll try anyway.

-awake? He asks.

- just barely.

-I’m coming over.

He almost waits for a response but he’s already climbing into the Uber when he gets a thumbs up from you. He lets himself in with the key he has and makes his way to your room.

“We gotta talk.” He says, slipping in your bed after taking his sweats off.

“It’s 3 am, do we really gotta talk now?” You chuckle. You lay face to face with him, because he has that serious tone.

“Yeah... I like you, a lot, probably more than like, but I don’t want to scare you, and I’m so tired of avoiding that topic just because I’m gone. It wears on me. When we were listening to Best Years earlier I just felt so strongly about that message toward you. And I know we’re comfortable doing this, but I don’t wanna hear about you with other guys and I’m happy when it’s us... and the guys know, they see through my shit. And my ‘just friends’...”

“Calum... shut up for a second.” You interrupt. You watch as he closes his mouth. You lean in and kiss him briefly on the lips. “We’ll try, I want to too. But we need to talk about it after I’ve slept, please.”

“Yeah... absolutely.” He agrees, pulling you back for another kiss.

[uglypastels]

4-73

Here it goes 

4. What do you think about most?

You ;) lmao, no uhhhhh... food? 

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

from my bf: Hi bb 

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with 

7: What’s your strangest talent?

that I have none 

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls like spaghetti, Boys like spaghetti-os (WHY WAS THIS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME UP IN MY HEAD)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

i have unfortunately, it’s like a tradition here that for secret Santa, you write a matching poem for the person you picked, so i’ve had a few poems written for me... all horrible. 

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I prefer drums lol, today (In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins) 

11. Do you have any strange phobias? 

Needles for sure, but if we really are talking strange, than it’s not of heights, but dropping something from high up. Or falling. actually, not even from high up, even like a bridge, or a manhole. i’m so fucking scared of dropping anything anywhere and not being able to get it back. 

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

lmao i had this barbie bracelet that looked like a septum ring and i loved to pretend i had one. so technically up my nose, but almost.

13: What’s your religion?

Atheist <3 

14. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? 

walking back home 

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

BEHIND

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

5SOS???

17. What’s the most recent lie you told? 

that i liked the result of my group project

18: Do you believe in karma?

yeah

19: What does your URL mean?

pastels that are ugly

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: anxiety, strength: creativity

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Tom Holland

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

yup, it was kinda boring alone lol

23: How do you vent your anger?

unhealthily (is that even a word?) 

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

books, pins/badges, and i used to collect angel (figurines) when i was younger)

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

on the phone

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

No

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: i answered this before and said children crying, but they don’t even have to be crying.  love: rain <3 

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I didn’t fail my classes two years ago (cause that's when my life went to complete shit) 

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Yes. Yes. (or at least, I’d like them to be real) 

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: tablet, left: pack of Arizona ice tea 

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

nothing??? 

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

uhhh... i can’t remember

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

neither

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Harry Styles 

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

42

36: Define Art.

something that should have been fun in the process of making, but eventually just makes you want to gauge out your eyeballs and then cry :) 

37: Do you believe in luck?

sure?? 

38: What’s the weather like right now?

windy and it just stopped raining <3 

39: What time is it?

11:16pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Nope, and because of the idea of crashing, i probably never will

41: What was the last book you read?

The Executioner, by Chris Carter

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Absolutely not, trauma triggers <3

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Zuzia is already a nickname (well, diminutive, same thing) 

44: What was the last film you saw?

I watched a part of Dolittle???

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I broke my wrist

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no, never even tried

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

yeah

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

don’t know, don’t really care

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

during a student exchange with a polish school, everyone thought i was dating of the dudes from that school (ngl i did have a crush on him and we did hold hands on a trip to Amsterdam AND he let me borrow his raincoat when we arrived back at school and i still had to cycle home while he was going back with car but FAKE NEWS) 

50: Do you believe in magic?

same with ghosts and aliens, i hope it’s real

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

nah

52: What is your astrological sign?

Sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?

save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

a few bday presents for my mom :) 

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

YUP <3 

57: how many relationships have you had? 

2 (and that half one with a polish guy since it was rumoured but still cute lol)

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

in bed

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes. boxes

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

sure am

62: What’s your favourite animal?

zebra??

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

humor?? idk people dont like me 

64: Where is your best friend?

at home

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@spiderrrling @captainpeggy40 @duskholland @justasmisunderstoodasloki @appreci 

66: What is your heritage?

Polish (and Dutch?? eh kinda?) 

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

texting my boyfriend uwu

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Johnson

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

yeah

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

sure

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

cry and try to get him out of the canal, fall in myself by doing so probably

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i would tell my family and closest friends b&c) no idea 

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust

happy now? 

[x-lulu]

gurl 1-99 I dare you😄

haha no if that's too much just 1, 2, 24, 32, 77, 85, 95

well I finally answered them all babe, took me a week haha 💗

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? world away by tonight alive, you give love a bad name by bon jovi, amnesia by five seconds of summer, had enough by lower than atlantis, take it out on me by thousand foot krutch, if I could fly by one direction, I just named the first that popped in my head

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? YOU

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17? a wind came in off the harbour, bringing the smell of the sea

4: What do you think about most? I’m an overthinker with anxiety so yeah I think about everything a lot, so I wouldn’t know what I think about most

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? just an okay haha

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with, an oversized shirt and underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent? latin maybe?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) I don’t know rock? I’m not really the kind of person that puts a gender in things

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? uhm I don’t think so, now I feel unimportant haha

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I’m more an using a hairbrush as a microphone kind of girl

11: Do you have any strange phobias? probably, I’m scared of a lot of things

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? don’t think so

13: What’s your religion? officially I’m Christian, I’m a bit searching for what I believe in tho, I do believe in jezus but not like walking on water and coming back from the death, I might believe in the Greek gods and nature gods

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? enjoying the fresh air, going for a walk/ride and look at cute animals

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? even if you kill me I don’t know what band to say

17: What was the last lie you told? I lied about not being sad

18: Do you believe in karma? I don’t know, sometimes, but like there are people who’ve done terrible things, where is their karma?

19: What does your URL mean? it’s just my nickname, I didn’t want to make it fandom related because I’m a multi fandom and I didn’t want to have to change my url a lot, I also didn’t want to put my real name because I don’t want people to find me who I know in real life haha

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my insecurity is my greatest weakness I think, I don’t know my greatest strength... maybe being a person who people feel loved and welcome by? Idk if people feel that way and idk if it’s a strength. If I’m gonna be poetic I have to say my greatest weakness and strength are both that I love someone with my whole heart, when I start loving you, I love you so much, I would do anything for you, but when someone fucks up, I’ll still love them even tho they don’t deserve it, so that comes with a lot of pain so yeah a weakness and a strength

21: Who is your celebrity crush? rudy pankow and dylan obrien

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes

23: How do you vent your anger? I keep everything to myself till I explode and start screaming

24: Do you have a collection of anything? music records, stones and just memories from places I’ve been to

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither? If I’m comfortable I do enjoy video chatting especially in times like these where you can’t speak in real life

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? this is hard one, I’ve never been happy with who I am, I do like me better than who I used to be

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? sound I love is when you’re walking trough the woods just the birds, can’t think of one I hate, I definitely have some they just don’t come to mind rn

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if I keep going through and it doesn’t get better

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes/maybe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my laptop and my pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? flowers

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? xanten

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? uhm west coast? Idk haha

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? harry styles is the first one that pops in my head

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to find love, can be someone something, experience things that make you happy, enjoy it, learn, better the world

36: Define Art. creating something, it can have a meaning but it also can’t, a lot of people give it a deep meaning, which can be it, I just think art doesn’t always have to be deep are spectacular it can be someone making something because they have so much going in their head and they find peace in creating art and get inspired by their own experience, people also can it just do for fun, there are so many different kind of art and artists, I don’t think it can’t be defined

37: Do you believe in luck? I don’t know

38: What’s the weather like right now? rainy

39: What time is it? 9:54 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no licence

41: What was the last book you read? a fanfic on Wattpad fight or flight by ffsumth

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yes 🙈

43: Do you have any nicknames? lu and lulu obviously, loesje , samantha, pinguïn, polar bear, you called me lulu bear hehe

44: What was the last film you saw? I don’t remember...

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? uhm ive broken a few things, my toes and my arm, but nothing really bad actually

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no, I don’t want to, I have seen some really close, they’re beautiful

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? again you haha, but like all the stuff I post on here are my obsessions

48: What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t know, I think straight, but I don’t know for sure

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? I’m not certain, maybe I do :) I do live by the saying ‘just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist’

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? sadly yes, like I won’t be mean to you or anything, but I will never ever trust you again, if I’m hurt I’m hurt and sadly I haven’t found a way yet to leave it behind, so I’m feeling a lot of pain and I’m never gonna forget that pain, so yeah...

52: What is your astrological sign? capricorn

53: Do you save money or spend it? uhm both? depends on how I feel and what time of the year it is, I have the bad habit to save it for a few months and then spend a lot of it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a apple pen so I can start trying digital art

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? with you hehe

57: How many relationships have you had? none official relationships, I’m just not lovable okay leave me alone haha

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no oops

59: Where were you yesterday? home, school, therapy

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a pillow

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no

62: What’s your favourite animal? polar bears

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? no idea haha, I don’t have one

64: Where is your best friend? at home, like 20min away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. this is hard so I’m just gonna name the first five that come in my head @nxsmss @rafej-cambanks @thegreatestofheck @chrlsgillespie @nedleed

66: What is your heritage? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? sleeping, I had to get up early today

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? never thought about it

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Is it bad to say yes? I mean I hate myself but I do think I’m a good friend

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog obviously!!!!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I think I would tell people, I’m not sure, but like so have people got the time to say goodbye the way they want to, I would travel the world I think, do everything on my bucket list, maybe some illegal stuff 🙈 (where no one gets hurt tho obviously), I don’t think I would be afraid... I mean I’m suicidal, I’ve literally been connected to death my whole life, if you understand what I mean

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. uhm trust I think? If I would have love but don’t have trust I wouldn’t really feel loved anyway, I do really want to experience how it feels like to be loved tho...

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? the first song that came to mind is love my life by Robbie Williams, I rarely listen to it, but the lyrics really gives a boost of happiness and confidence

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 51 54

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? loyalty and trust, you don’t have to agree on everything or be interested in the same things, you do have to be there for each other

77: How can I win your heart? YOU ALREADY HAVE

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes I think so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? to get dogs

80: What size shoes do you wear? uhm 38 eu, 4,5 uk and 7 us

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? a loving ... I hope to be a loving daughter, friend, wife and mother, someone who was always there for others

82: What is your favourite word? fuck haha, no idk but that is definitely a word I use a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. pain....

84: What is a saying you say a lot? enjoy the little things

85: What’s the last song you listened to? ignorance by paramore

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? uhm I do love black, I also like pastels and like a turquoise kind of colour

87: What is your current desktop picture? me and my friend

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? no one, there are a lot of people who did wrong, the need to be in jail, but I’m not saying someone deserves to die

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in my head, how I’m feeling

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? scream probably haha

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation, I would travel the world haha

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? when I was in Ireland by the cliffs of moher

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? uhm this is a hard one, maybe seeing my father almost dying? (he is okay btw, we were lucky), I’ve had nightmares and anxiety ever since

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I find this so weird to say for some reason... if I have to give a name it would be harry styles I think, because damn look at that man, but I don’t know, I would rather be friends with him than sleep with him tbh, I know you can do both haha, but idk I’m not like yes I want to sleep with him haha, I think I’ve read too many fanfics about him that I would find it awkward

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? ice land or canada

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? don’t think so, not close ones anyway

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no, I got out in time haha

98: Ever been on a plane? yes, when I went on a trip to georgia in west asia

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? you’re all ignorant assholes haha, no idk what I would say, there are a lot of good people on this world I know, but man there is some fucked up shit, so maybe I would educate some people or it would have something to do with mental health, maybe about loving yourself or that it’s not a sign of weakness and that we should be treated as equals to physical pain, we should be taken seriously... I don’t really know, there are so many things haha

[iovnyu]

happy ending (5/?)

summary: being cinderella’s daughter has many pros and cons but on top of that you are soon becoming responsible for the citizens of auradon. the first thing you do to show the citizens of your worthiness is by creating a program to bring kids from the isle of the lost, a isolated island where villains and their kids are held, onto auradon. with this new program, you undergo harsh realities and maybe a little bit of love and drama along the way, who knows?

a/n: i am still playing around with different layouts of the story lol... please bare with me through this process. i don’t really vibe with writing in notes but idk yet. also i noticed i am barely using disney references LMAO,, anyways if u want to be added into the taglist please comment 

y/n was deep in thought when she walked to math class. she knew that at the end of the day, she had to pick which students deserved to go to auradon from the isle. it was hard to not be biased, she wanted all of the delinquents to come over. 

“boo!” a voice jolted y/n out of her thoughts. y/n looked next to her seeing that jun was the one who scared her. “god, do you ever pay attention to your surroundings?”

“hey! i do, it’s just that my mind is too preoccupied to care about the world right now,” y/n said rolling her eyes. usually, she observed her surroundings - she had to - it was one of the unspoken rules of being a princess. 

jun smiled at her, knowing that he shouldn’t pry y/n on her thoughts. they walked down the long hallway of classes, making sure to smile and wave at the teachers outside of their classrooms. “well m’ lady, time for you to go to your class. have fun.” he sang, lightly pushing her into the most boring (and useless) classroom. 

y/n sighed but tried to not make it noticeable as mr. hyunh greeted the students. she walked to her seat and pulled out the supplies she needed to make her notes look pretty. 

“let’s quiet down please,” mr. hyunh said over the loud chatter of the students. “take out your books and get started on the assignment.”

*

y/n quickly walked out of class, not wanting the pythagorean theorem to be haunting her in her sleep. as she is walking to her next class, she makes sure to walk fast because she knows that seokmin is waiting for her. 

seokmin waits outside of his classroom almost every day and waits for y/n so that they can walk to history class together. it was hard to get away from any of the princes. y/n didn’t mind it though, they never left each others’ side ever since they were babies. 

“let me guess,” he turned his head towards y/n, “you are stuck on which students to bring over here because you don’t want to make it look like you are playing favorites - but in reality, you know who you are going to take because you know how they would react if you didn’t pick them.”

“okay. first of all, how did you manage to speak that fast without breaking a sweat, and second, can you please stop doing that thing.” y/n never knew how he would be a moody person due to the lack of sleep to become a mind reader. she seriously needs to hide her thoughts more if she is easy to read. 

“what thing!?” 

“you know! that thing you do whenever i am thinking about something.” y/n huffed.

“y/n. darling. my prettiest friend. the apple to my p-”

y/n interrupted him, slapping his shoulder. “i get it. we are best friends, get to the point talking beauty.”

“nice pun. anyways, what i am trying to say is that,” he stops and turns towards y/n. “you are easy to read.”

“hey! i’m not. y-you are just an over-analyzer.” y/n argued. seokmin started to walk away from her, making sure she sees him roll his eyes. “come back here! seokmin! god, i’m going to make sure he doesn’t sleep tonight.”

*

after another dreadful day of school, y/n throws herself on her bed. seokmin, mingyu and jun make themselves cozy in their own way in her room. “y/n, don’t sleep too long. remember you have that meeting with the council today.” jun reminded.

y/n dragged herself off of her bed and towards her wardrobe. “look at what they are making me wear! it’s just like an hour meeting and i have to wear such a dramatic outfit.” she whined.

“y/n. the press is going to be there! and to remind you, you are going to announce the program, so obviously you have to make a statement with what you wear. you have to make sure you look like you know what you are doing!” mingyu reasoned from your couch. 

even if he did have a point, y/n wouldn’t admit it. she never liked the outfits her stylist made her wear for meetings. it never showed y/n’s true personality, it just made her look like a boring person. don’t get her wrong, she loved the outfits that were made for daily wear and fancy events - it’s just plain.

“think of it this way, you still have like maybe two to three hours left until the meeting. you’ll do your homework, put on the outfit, head to the meeting that will last an hour, then you can take off the clothes and never look at it again!” jun smiled, gently squeezing your shoulders. 

“it’s not the outfit that is making me dread the meeting. it’s the reactions i will get from the citizens of auradon. heck! the whole royal court!” y/n put her head in her hands, trying not to think of the many bad results of the people.

jun turned his head to the other two in the room only to be met with shrugs. “uhm. well if you think of it that way, i don’t have an answer for you. but even if they do get mad and disagree,” y/n looked up at jun. “-at the end of the day, it is you who believes in those kids. you have us, we will be by your side and i know for a fact that we do believe what you want to do will have a great outcome.”

“yeah. i mean you are barely a princess, can you imagine how it would be like when you are queen?!” mingyu said, agreeing with jun. 

seokmin flicked the back of mingyu’s head, “what he means is that this is only just one bump in the road. don’t stress about it.”

y/n nodded, “okay, yeah. you are right. i can’t have this stopping me. but what is stopping me is my homework.” the boys laughed, getting their homework out of their bag. 

when y/n laid out her homework on her bed, she sighed. it was too much for her brain to handle. she looked at jun laying out his books and noticed something written in small print on his palm. “hey, what is that?” y/n asked.

“hmm? what is what?” 

“that.” y/n leaned closer to jun, pointing at his palm. it was a little sentence that said, ‘make sure to ask her!!!’

jun laughed nervously, frantically wiping his palm on his pants. at this point he didn’t care if his pants got dirty. “that is nothing. i just- i put it there to remind myself to ask ms. lin about a test. nothing else. yeah...” 

y/n nodded her head, believing what he said. mingyu and seokmin had looked at jun and then at each other, knowing exactly who ‘her’ meant. seokmin made a mental note to ask jun about it later. 

turning to their assignments, they immediately started on it. y/n’s first mistake was grabbing her english homework. usually, it was math that was hard, but shakespeare was harder to understand. there were too many complicated words that made no sense, the story wasn’t interesting and there weren’t any signs of pictures. 

jun noticed y/n’s frustration and laughed. y/n looked up at him, giving him puppy eyes. “oh. oh no. no, definitely not.” jun shook his head, not daring to look at her.

y/n slumped in her bed and pretended to be sad. she knew what she was doing, she always does this and jun always falls for it. “y/n.”

y/n continued to ignore him, sighing loudly. mingyu and seokmin dismissed her behavior, already used to this encounter. “...fine. what subject are you doing?”

y/n immediately smiled and gave jun her book. “it’s macbeth by shakespeare. we have to analyze the story. i don’t get it. can you please help me?” 

jun sighed, nodding his head. even though he hates doing this, deep down he knows that he secretly is okay with it. mingyu and seokmin shake their heads, it’s a known fact - whenever you do homework, be as far away as possible from y/n or else you’ll regret it.

*

finally, after two hours, they were done with their homework. y/n knew that the next thing she has to do is get ready. “okay, i’m going to go get changed, so please don’t mess up my room.”

y/n carefully grabbed the clothes off of the hanger and carried it to the restroom. as she put on the outfit, she decided that it did not look bad after all. “guys, should i do my hair also?” she screamed from inside the restroom.

“depends. do you want a boss lady look or fresh out of the womb type of look?” seokmin screamed back.

“dude, you don’t make sense.” jun shot seokmin a confused face. 

“i don’t know. does this outfit need anything else? should i just go like this?” y/n say coming out of the restroom. she did a little twirl showing off how it looked. 

“uhh... i think you look fine just like that. if you do too much you would look like a try-hard.” mingyu eyed y/n, making sure she looked put together.

y/n nodded and straighten her posture in the mirror. she was thankful she had the boys’ opinions - although she would appreciate a girl’s opinion in case the boys were lying to her. 

jun, mingyu and seokmin had finished their homework while y/n was changing. they all put on their bags, checking to see if they left anything behind. “okay y/n. remember be relax. don’t stress, you got this princess!” jun walked up to y/n and hugged her. 

y/n pursed her lips together and gave a smile to them. one by one they left her room, leaving her to pace back and forth. she had started to rethink things as she went over her notes on what to say. she was caught up in her thoughts, not noticing her chauffeur waiting for her in her doorway.

“ma’am. sorry to interrupt, but we have to head to the meeting now.” 

y/n nodded and quickly grabbed her belongings. she followed him through the long corridors of the castle and into the garage where a suv waited for her. she took a deep breath and stepped inside. let’s hope all goes well.

previous // next

masterlist

[wrennix062]

Let's get personal:

• 6 of the songs you listen to most?

You’ll Be Back (Hamilton), Car Radio (TØP Vessel), Soldier Poet King (The Oh Hellos), IDK You Yet (Alexander 23), Lemons (Brye), S.L.U.T (Bea Miller)

• If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Thomas Sanders

• Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"Her smile faded, her chest tightened, and heavy blanket of anguis smothered her smallest joy."

• What do you think about most?

Whether or not the world exists

• What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Goodnight

• Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With

• What's your strangest talent?

Uhm, I can identify any bird based on a picture (not that great a talent)

• Girls... (finish the sentence) Boys... (finish the sentence)

Girls are handsome. Boys are beautiful.

• Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that I know of

• When was the last time you played the air guitar?

Earlier tonight (i was listening to the phineas and ferb theme song)

• Do you have any strange phobias?

Agoraphobia (fear or large spaces/rooms, I always hated gym class)

• Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

One of those round flat LEGO dots

• What's your religion

I don't have one specific, though I lean towards a philosophy known as the Dao De Jing

• If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Birding

• Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

• Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Twenty Øne Pilots

• What was the last lie you told?

That I practiced piano

• Do you believe in karma?

It depends.

• What does your URL mean?

Pidgeon refers to Pidge Gunderson from Voltron Legendary Defender, 11206 is my favorite number

• What is your greatest weakness and strength?

Weakness - Emotions Strength - Music/Art/Writing

• Who is your celebrity crush?

Bex Taylor-Klaus

• Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

No

• How do you vent your anger?

Writing angst

• Do you have a collection of anything?

Tiny screwdrivers

• Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Honestly it doesn't really matter. As long as I'm able to talk to them and hear them, I'm good.

• Are you happy with the person you've become?

More or less.

• What's a sound you hate vs a sound you love?

Hate - hail on my window or roof Love - pencil tapping

• What's your biggest "what if"?

What if the world as we know it doesn't exist and we are all living an illusion surrounded by other illusions that act as if they understand reality?

"I think, therefore I am."

• Do you believe in ghosts? What about aliens?

Ghosts, more or less. Aliens, absolutely. There is a vast and ever growing space beyond our knowledge, there is no way we're the only planet capable of harboring life.

• Stick your right arm out. What do you feel first? The same with your left arm.

Right - my nightstand Left - my wall

• Smell the air. What do you smell?

My dogs

• What's the worst place you have ever been to?

A mental hospital, visiting a family member. (No, it wasn't an insane asylum, this family member was dealing with suicidal thoughts and tendencies.)

• Choose - East or West coast?

East.

• Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I am all genders and none, but of my opposite sex would be Shawn Mendes

• To you, what is the meaning of life?

There is none. You wake up, do things daily, go to sleep, and repeat until you die. You aren't meant to do things differently, some people are just considered better than others and actually make an impact.

• Define Art.

A way for others to interpret an individual's self expression

• Do you believe in luck?

Yes. The universe doesn't treat people the same all the time.

• What's the weather like right now?

It's storming outside, lots of thunder and lightning and rain.

• What time is it?

At the time of writing this question, 12:10 am

• Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No, I don't drive.

• What was the last book you read?

"The Mysterious Benedict Society"

• Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Absolutely not.

• Do you have any nicknames?

One of my friends refers to me as Remus because I remind her of Remus from Sanders Sides

• What was the last film you saw?

"After The Dark" otherwise known as "The Philisphers"

• What's the worst injury you've had?

Between spraining my wrist and getting a two inch split on my scalp

• Have you ever caught a butterfly?

No, but I have held one and walked with it without it flying away

• Do you have any obsessions right now?

Chemical Engineering, learning Italian, Philosophy

• What's your sexual orientation?

Asexual - Panromantic

• Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yes

• Do you believe in magic?

Not really, no (but I do believe in the paranormal)

• Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

The only person I know has done me wrong gaslighted me and made me believe it was my fault, so no

• What's your astrological sign?

Aquarius

• Do you save money or spend it?

Depends on if we're talking about video games or real life

• What's the last thing you purchased?

Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha

• Love or Lust?

Lust is fake. I will always and forever choose love

• In a relationship?

Nope

• How many relationships have you had?

Four

• Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No

• Where were you yesterday?

At home

• Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

An old toy vault that I got at a book fair

• Are you wearing socks right now?

No

• What's your favorite animal?

It's between a lion, a snake, or a coral polyp

• What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Use a super cheesy dad joke, it always makes everyone laugh

• Where is your best friend?

At home

• Give me your top five favorite blogs on Tumblr

Idk I don't really follow any blogs

• What is your heritage?

Italian, Danish, Norwegian, English

• What were you doing last night at 12:00 am?

Writing fanfiction

• What do you think is Satan's last name?

Grovum (don't ask me why)

• Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I tried, I hated it

• Are you the kind of friend you want to have as a friend?

Not really, no

• You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you that if you are late on more time, you get fired. What do you do?

If I'm late all the time, it means I don't wanna be there. I'll search for my dream job, but right now there is an innocent life at stake and I can do something about it.

• You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone that you're going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I tell my closest family and friends. I want them to be there for me, but if I tell anyone I'm not close with, they will only pity me.

b) I will spend the rest of my time eating chocolate, drinking coffee like it's soup, and blending waffles, because doing something weird is doing something fun.

c) Not at all. Death is an inevitable concept. I would be sad, I would be angry, but I would not be afraid. There isn't a point to being scared of something you can't avoid.

• You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

I choose love. Living life without loving another person, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial, would be torture. And for me, love is the same as trust, but trust is not the same as love.

• What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

"Sincerely Me" from Dear Evan Hansen

• What are the last four digits of your cell phone number?

9286

• In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Equality.

• How can I win your heart?

Chocolate, a Ferris wheel ride at night, and accepting my sexual orientation.

• Can insanity have more creativity?

No. Creativity is always in the back of your mind. The same is with darker creativity. Insanity just brings it to the forefront or makes you act on it.

• What is the single best decision you have made in your life?

I decided that self harm doesn't help. I'm glad I did, or I could have landed myself in a hospital.

• What size shoes do you wear?

8 1/2

• What quote would be written on your tombstone?

"Life is a locked door. Death is the key.

Death is a locked door. Life is the key."

• What is your favorite word?

Infinitesimal

• Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word heart.

Red mixed with black and white.

• What is a saying you say a lot?

What can you do when you live in a shoe

• What is the last song you listened to?

"Heavydirtysoul"

• Basic question, what is your favorite color?

Green

• What is your current desktop picture?

Hogwarts castle

• If you could press one button and make anyone in the world explode, who would it be?

*thinks to self* does my sleep paralysis demon count..?

• What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

It's not a matter of which question, it's a matter of who's asking it

• One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn the light on to find you are surrounded by mummies. The mummies arent really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Offer them some toilet paper, maybe they're here because the ones at the supermarket are still sold out.

• You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they grant you a superpower if your choice. What is that power?

Shapeshifting

• You can re-live any point in time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half hour experience would you like to experience again?

My first time watching the first scene in IT.

• You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Fighting with both of my best friends

• You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

None. I'm asexual.

• You just got a free plane ticket anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Venice, Italy

• Do you have any relatives in jail?

No

• Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes

• Ever been on a plane

No

• If the whole word we're listening to you right now. what would you say?

F**k Donald Trump

[izzy-b-hands]

A Secret

A sequel to the vampire fic from last night, which can be found here: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/187390692861/the-taste-of-blood

TW for things like blood, death, violence, a brief mention of sexual assault-it doesn’t happen, just an asshole OC who briefly talks abt it but don’t worry I take care of him :)

Might be another one of these asap, might not. The writing brain is kind of wandering through various ideas, so idk where it’s gonna end up. Definitely having fun with this AU though, so more than likely at some point I’ll get another one out lol. Especially since I intro a OFC in this who I love. I want to have her spend more time with the boys, so I think I’ll have to get to another one of these at some point soon! 

Fic title is also the title of a King Diamond song, who has joined the go to writing playlist for this AU!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

It wasn’t so strange, some of it. It still took getting used to, but he was coming around to working only night shifts at one of the bars with Snafu. He felt it was only desperation and pity that had led to them getting hired as security; soldiers and vampires they were but he was well aware they didn’t necessarily look much intimidating. 

The bar itself was run by a vampire named Theodore, a man who looked about thirty, but had been that age since he’d finished his own military service in the Great War in 1918 and had been bitten by what he said was a Nazi vampire. By his own admission he wasn’t in love with having a bar, but it was one of the easiest ways to make money in the city while also ensuring one would never have to go in the daytime. He knew Hugo, but had his own set of bad experiences with him, so Hugo was indefinitely banned from the bar. 

If Eugene had to sum it all up, it couldn’t get much better considering the circumstances. But he couldn’t get used to-

“What about him?” Snafu asked, interrupting his thoughts. “Looks healthy enough.” 

The man in question was chatting loudly to a woman who looked bored out of her mind, staring at her drink with a thousand yard stare. He had been talking without pause for nearly a half hour, and they’d already gotten complaints from a few of the couples sitting at the small tables near them. 

“Maybe. Let me talk to her first. She looks like she might need some rescuing,” Eugene replied, and started over towards the tiny circular metal table. 

Before he could even say a word, her eyes brightened at the sight of him. “Oh my word, Roscoe! How are you darling? I have missed you so much; when did you move back here?” 

“...uh, last month,” Eugene stumbled, trying to quickly think up a history for the character she’d assigned him. 

“And I don’t see you till now? That just isn’t right! You work here now, huh? How neat, to know that you’ll be here all night and-” 

“I’m sorry, is this a date or a reunion?” her date interrupted, glaring at Eugene as if he hoped to set him on fire with his eyes. “Mavis-” 

“Is one of my oldest friends, and I would love to catch up with her. Surely, you can understand that. I won’t interrupt you for long, but we just need a moment,” Eugene interrupted right back, narrowing his eyes at the man until he could see the man shrivel back in his seat. 

Mavis held onto his arm, giggling, as they made it away from the table and back over to Snafu. As soon as they were far enough away, her act dropped. 

“Thank you so much,” she sighed. “My friend, or should I say ex-friend, set me up with him tonight and he’s just....eugh.” 

“That’s the impression we were getting as well. Figured it wasn’t right to leave you stuck with him. Plus, he’s been loud enough that other people have complained,” Eugene said. 

She sighed and shook her head. “I gotta make up somethin’ so I can go home. I can’t deal with him anymore, if I hear one more story about how he knows more than me about nursing...I am a nurse! I served patching up soldiers in Europe, I know my job! He works as a clerk at a grocery store, didn’t even get drafted...” 

“We can help with that,” Snafu said. “But, what if we could just get rid of him, and you could enjoy the rest of your night here, with us keepin’ an eye out for any other Romeos like him?” 

She smiled. “I suppose I wouldn’t be opposed to that. You gonna throw him out?” 

“Somethin’ like that,” Snafu replied. 

“You stay put right here, George behind the counter’ll take care of ya,” Eugene told her as he watched Snafu walk over to the man, lean down and whisper something that he was sure was at least mildly terrifying. 

He followed, and found the man in a state of anger and fear. 

“You can’t talk to me like that. You can’t say shit like that.” 

“Oh no? Cause way I see it is I just said it. And I meant it. Time for you to go for the night,” Snafu said, and grabbed one of the man’s arms, pulling him from his seat. 

Eugene took the other, and yanked him outside. The plan, as it usually was, was to drain him just enough to leave him feeling hungover the next day. It wouldn’t turn him, wouldn’t kill him, and he’d have no memory of what they did, but he’d definitely remember feeling so shitty. 

“This is bullshit,” the man spat as they dragged him to the empty and dark alley behind the bar. “But y’know what? Fine. I’ll go. She wasn’t gonna put out anyway, I’d have had to make her and a bitch like that would fight and-” 

Snafu’s fist to the man’s face interrupted him, and Eugene didn’t even have to glance at Snafu to know that the plan had changed. There were plenty of places to hide a body, or so he’d begun to learn thanks to the few times they fed to kill. 

In the shadows, he figured it looked like they were leaned over to pickpocket the man, rather than ripping his throat to shreds as they fed, one on each side of the man’s neck. He didn’t like killing, unless it was absolutely necessary. Mavis would never know that they’d done this in her name, but it was probably better that way. While he was sure she could have handled herself just fine, he also liked that she would now be able to enjoy her night, safe from the asshole gurgling between them, his blood on their fangs and lips. 

To anyone on the street, in the dim light of the street, it looked like they were hauling a drunk and passed out man home. Instead, they tossed him in the river, that the bar wasn’t too far from it was a boon to them. 

Mavis was grinning, talking with George when they walked back in, their mouths cleaned from their meal. 

“There you are! Thank you...” 

“Eugene. This is Merriell-” 

“Just call me Snafu,” Snafu interrupted. “He’s the only one that gets away with usin’ my real name.” 

Mavis nodded. “In any case, thank you. Did he take being thrown out well? I hope he wasn’t too much trouble.” 

They shared a look, and Eugene had to bite back a bit of a giggle. It wasn’t really funny, gallows humor if anything, but he couldn’t help it, somehow. 

“Nah. He left without another word,” Snafu replied. “We gotta get back to work, but anyone bothers you, you come find us if we aren’t already on the way over. We’ll keep an eye out for ya tonight.” 

Mavis thanked them, and for the rest of the night they watched her have her fun. It was such a simple thing, but it made him so happy. Something good out of the violence of their feeding. 

It made such a difference, a good meal. They were home before the sun was even beginning to come up, and he was grateful for it. He wasn’t tired, not by a long shot. 

“You gonna be able to calm down enough to sleep?” Snafu smirked from where he’d flopped onto the couch, and Eugene could feel his eyes on him as he paced about the living room. 

“Probably not. I’ve got energy now, I wanna go do somethin’, anythin’, and I fuckin’ can’t,” he hissed, motioning to the covered windows. They’d doubled the newspaper taped over the few windows they had, and had added two more layers to the curtains over each window. But he could still remember what it had looked like, to let natural light stream in and warm the house. He missed it, almost as much as he missed going out during the day. 

“Pent up,” Snafu sighed. “That’s what we are. Got a night off comin’ up, maybe we can-” 

“I can’t wait for a night off,” Eugene interrupted. “I wanna do somethin’ right now.” 

“Well, the sun’s comin’ up, so you don’t have a lot of options,” Snafu sighed. “Could read. Write. Uh...take up scrap-booking?” 

Eugene smiled. “That really what you wanna suggest?” 

“There is one other option,” Snafu replied with a bright grin. “Could come over here and do me.” 

“You look like a hell of a lot more fun than scrap-booking,” Eugene laughed as he joined him on the couch. 

“Lucky I already love you,” Snafu snorted. “Hell of a pick-up line, that.” 

He interrupted Snafu with a kiss to his neck, that turned into just the hint of a fang slipping into the skin. They’d discovered very quickly that while actually feeding off of each other was something to be reserved for an emergency, just a small bite here and there during...certain moments...produced an electric feeling. 

Snafu was putty under his hands, and he couldn’t wait to make him melt even more. 

A scream echoed down the street, and they paused. 

“That sounds an awful lot like...” Snafu frowned. “Nah.” 

A run to the front door, carefully opened since the sun would be coming up sooner rather than later, revealed it to be true. Mavis, running down the street, a man chasing her. 

Before they could step out, she pulled a gun from her handbag. 

“You won’t,” her pursuer, featureless in the dark, scoffed. 

The shot rang out, and as it faded left only the sound of Mavis’ heavy breathing and the gurgling of the wounded pursuer. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” she huffed, and shoved the gun in her bag. “Okay, I just have to...” 

“Can we be of service?” Snafu shouted from the door. “Hi!” 

Mavis turned to them, shocked. “Hi. He-” 

“Got what was coming to him, from the looks of it. You okay?” Eugene asked as they crept back outside. 

“Yeah. Jerk seemed sweet, offered to walk me home. He lives a few doors down from me, so I figured...well. I shouldn’t have figured, I guess,” she replied. 

“You shouldn’t have to worry about every single man being a threat,” Snafu said. “You didn’t figure nothin’ wrong. He should have been a gentleman, and just walked you home. He didn’t...” 

“I’m fine, truly. He didn’t get a chance to touch me, but he was trying to,” she said. “Jesus, what the hell do I do now?” 

“If you can keep a secret, we can help,” Snafu said, and Eugene turned sharply to face him. 

“Snaf-” 

“Eugene. She needs help, and we can. Who else is gonna? And while I’m sure she could take care of this on her own-” Snafu started. 

“Actually,” Mavis interrupted. “I do want your help. I can’t carry him on my own, and he needs a hospital. I gotta go turn myself in.” 

“What? No,” Snafu scoffed. “Look, I got an idea to help, but you gotta keep it quiet, and uh...look, you’ll understand.” 

“Merriell,” Eugene scolded. “We’ve already eaten.” 

“Yeah, but I know you could go for a nightcap,” Snafu grinned, his fangs slipping out over his lip, shining in the glow from the street lamps, the old ones still lit by hand by those who owned the buildings they were attached to.

 The flames flickered, and if it still beat, Eugene knew his heart would be beating out of time with them. But Snafu was right. He had wanted something to do, and this was certainly that. 

They picked the man up and pulled him into the house, Mavis following, locking the door behind them as she peered to see if anyone was watching them. 

He appreciated her care, but their street was almost always perfectly quiet. How and why, he didn’t know and he didn’t ask. It worked well for them, no sense in potentially ruining a good thing by questioning it. 

Snafu took a wrist, and Eugene the other. It was a slower feed, but it seemed to horrify Mavis less, who watched with a glint of terror and curiosity in her eyes. 

“Y’all didn’t throw out my date, did you?” she asked quietly when her neighbor was silent and pale on the floor, and they were finished wiping the flecks of dried blood from their lips. 

“Well. He was thrown,” Snafu replied. “Just into the river, after we uh...” 

Mavis nodded. “Okay. Okay. I-” 

She took a deep breath, and stared at the corpse on their floor. 

“There’s no coming back from this, is there?” 

Eugene shook his head. “No. But we don’t normally, do this, I mean...eat to kill. Usually just take enough to make ‘em feel some sort of hung over the next day.” 

She nodded. “This is a hell of a secret to keep.” 

They exchanged nervous glances as she sighed. In theory, maybe nothing would come of her running amok telling people that vampires roamed the streets. But if something did...they couldn’t risk that. 

“But I think I can manage. After all, the city is strange already, this doesn’t make it that much stranger. Least I know I can feed you my dates if they keep turning out to be sour apples,” she smiled. “Is that bad? I should probably feel bad for saying that.”

Snafu grinned. “Give us a minute to uh...dispose of the trash. The maybe we can talk some more about that.” 

“I’d like that,” she replied as she sat delicately on their couch. 

Snafu started to drag the neighbor towards the front door, and Eugene turned to her. It seemed too easy. 

“You really aren’t gonna say a word, to anyone, about us?” 

“Why would I?” she asked. “Who would believe me, if I did? And in any case, you helped me twice with your uh...manner of being. Think I owe you both for that.” 

He sighed. It still left him unsettled, nice and sweet as Mavis seemed. 

“Look, honestly...I saw some shit during the war. I’ve seen some shit here. This? A little weird at first, but interesting all the same. I mean...I’d kill for a chance to examine you both. No beating heart, but a living body...” her eyes trailed up and down him, and he blushed. 

“That, and you both seem to need more than you’re eating now. I think I can help with that, too. My girlfriends tend to have bad taste in men, and if it can make the city safer...well, I refuse to feel bad about finding a way to bring them to your table,” she continued. “If you’d be amenable to that.” 

It was tempting. An easy and probably somewhat reliable food source...

“Maybe. I’m still...I mean...this is a recent change, for us. I’m still coming to terms with a lot of this,” he said.

“Eugene! I can’t carry this fat ass alone, and the sun’s gonna be up very soon! You wanna get over here and help before people start waking up for the morning?” Snafu had the body halfway out the front door, but was visibly straining to hold the door open while pulling the corpse out at the same time. 

“Go on,” Mavis nodded, and he dashed over to Snafu. 

The run to the nearest bank of the river would have made him sweat, if he had still been able to. They made it back to the house just as the first rays of the sun started to peek out. 

Mavis relayed her plan to Snafu then, all of them sat on the couch together. 

“I mean...we kill when we have to. When it seems necessary. Your date, and your neighbor we knew were going to hurt someone, you, in this case. Can you promise me that’s what we’re dealing with if you start bringing others to us?” Snafu asked. “I know I don’t always act like I got a moral code, but...” 

“I can promise you that,” Mavis replied. “Consider it our code of honor in this little agreement.” 

She jotted her phone number down on the pad of paper on their coffee table, and held out a new page torn from it for Snafu to write out their number. “I’ll call when I have someone ready. If you’ve already eaten enough for a bit, then you call me and let me know, alright?” 

They both nodded. 

“And...maybe I can get one medical exam in of one of you? Just once!” she laughed. “Just to sate my curiosity.” 

“I think we can do that,” Eugene replied. “Not a bad exchange, for what’s essentially free food.” 

“You two be safe in the meantime. Might see you sooner rather than later; I like having a bar I can go to and know I’ve got some guardian angels watching over me,” she smiled as she left, sneaking out of the door, opening it as little as possible while they huddled away from the door in the kitchen. 

“Angels,” Eugene muttered as the door shut. “I don’t know about that.” 

“Sure you do. Just a bunch of angels that aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty,” Snafu said. pulling him towards the couch and down onto it, so he was nearly on Snafu’s lap. 

Snafu fell asleep against him in a few moments as they sat, but he couldn’t. He kept staring at Mavis’ number on the paper, half-excited, half-nervous for her first call to ring. Some twisted sort of angels they might be, but what sort of angels bore blood they could never wash off on their hands? 

He supposed they would find out. 

[purplesurveys]

581

Where did you get the pants you are wearing from? They’re my sister’s; I borrowed them for the semester because these shorts are conducive for my PE classes, but since we already finished the class last week I should probs give it back to her soon. Do you find smoking unattractive? I used to, but now I can’t really say that I hate it. Have your parents ever searched your personal belongings? They did, back in Grade 6. They took away two of my very private diaries and ever since then I never wrote down my thoughts in a notebook. I never did get the two back. Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I thought I could, then my friends made me try a margarita a month after I turned 18 hahaha. Is there someone you'll never forget? There are loads of people I haven’t and will never forget; this is a very broad question.

Do you miss someone right now? Yes. Last time you were on the phone? Just to use it? Maybe some four minutes ago. But the last time I was on a call – if that’s what you meant – was last night. Do you get distracted easily? Yeup. Earlier I was doing a reading, picked up my phone for a short break, then never realized I was on my phone for the next two hours. Have your parents ever caught you drinking? They never ‘caught’ me; whenever I do drink I let them know/ask permission. I respect them enough to do that because I know how alcohol had nearly ruined our family in the past. Do you think flirting is cheating? Uhhhhhhh yes. Do you hate the last girl, other than family, you had a conversation with? I could never hate Gab. Who was the last person you sat next to in a car with? It was my brother.  Is your room messy or clean? Fairly clean. I had a general cleaning of my room not too long ago. Do you drink tea? Not the hot or herbal kind. I only have iced tea occasionally. Wish you could be somewhere else right now? Sort of? Kind of? Idk it’s either way. I’m content that I’m home but I wouldn’t mind being out drinking right now too. What are you listening to right now? I can only hear the electric fan’s white noise. I don’t feel like listening to music. Where did you get your last bruise from? I don’t remember my most recent bruise but it probably has something to do with PE and me hitting the mat/floor way too hard. Are you looking forward to anything? The weekend. When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? The fact that I stared at this question for a good minute must mean I haven’t thought this in a while lmao. That’s gotta be a good thing! Whose house where you last at? Other than mine, Gab’s. When someone says 'we need to talk', what do you think: If I know that that person doesn’t have a problem/potential problem with me, I just assume it’s something light. The only time this was said to me and it turned out to be something bad was my mom gathering us to say that our grandpa died, so I don’t really have a bad experience in general with that sentence. Tell me what's on your mind? I would have been able to sleep in tomorrow if I didn’t accept a 10 AM commitment and now I’m hating myself loads. It’s exhausting to accept an executive position sometimes. Will you be in bed before 11 tonight? I doubt it; it’s already 9:55 and I just started on this survey. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? It’s fine, but it’s not super solid or anything. They don’t know anything about me other than what I post on Facebook. How much money did you spend today? I spent P45 on an egg and cheese sandwich just to get through my hunger this morning, and my orders from online shopping came so I dropped P1,120 on that hahaha. In other words, I’m slowly GOING BROKE Can you see a cat from where you're sitting? Nope. I can see a dog, though. Who was your last text from? My professor for a history class. I’m the beadle in this class, so he texts me reminders from time to time. What was the last bad thing that happened to your phone? It’s fairly new so it hasn’t acted up ever. The only bad thing that happens to it is me dropping it D: What's been upsetting you lately? I am so fucking burned out from this semester and just wish it’s over already. Is there anyone getting on your nerves at the moment? Nope, everyone’s safe. Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? Nopes.

Last place you fell asleep other than a bed? The living room couch, I think. Does it take a lot to make you cry? Not at all. I’m an easy target. Do you have a dog? Yes, the goodest and bestest. Do you like to wear pants? No, I hate jeans and wish I had more shorts than jeans. How many people do you trust fully? I trust everybody I know, is the thing. I feel like my loved ones and friends deserve that. But I can cut off ties with them very easily if they abuse that trust. When you're bored in class, what do you usually do? I use my phone but make sure I’m hidden behind my laptop. If that’s too risky, I’ll doodle whatever lyrics on my notebook (if I’m writing). Otherwise I’d just check my social media on my laptop. What’s your favorite color out of these five? Green, Yellow, Blue, Pink: Pink. What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? “...Already?” I set my alarms this morning for 4 AM, 4:30 AM, and 5:30 AM. I woke up at the 4 AM alarm, went back to sleep, and the next alarm that woke me was the 5:30 one. I must have turned off the 4:30 one too but I was probably half-sleepy and groggy AS FUCK because I don’t remember turning that one off at all. Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday? Yeah. I kinda have to because the way I run during the day depends on the amount of sleep I get. Ever like someone older than you? I haven’t. What's your favorite amusement park? I don’t really have any. Universal Studios in Singapore was great fun though. Are you cold at this very moment? A little bit. I’ve since turned on the AC and also have an electric fan directed at me, so I’m quite chilly. Do you prefer people who talk a lot or are quiet? Depends on my mood..sometimes I’m talkative, and sometimes I just want to be on my laptop and be undisturbed. Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? Other than incompetent groupmates from past projects who temporarily made my life a living hell, not really. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? 7 to 10. Nothing more, nothing less. What do you think Avril Lavigne is doing at the moment? This question is so creepy. What's one fear are you most paranoid about? Not getting a nice enough job that doesn’t pay enough. Have you ran into an old friend recently? A couple of weeks ago I bumped into Mils; I was headed to my car and she was headed to class. It was super brief; we just said hi and she complimented my water bottle (which I have since lost lmao). Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for more than a day? Most likely. Could you go a whole year without cursing? I doubt it. Would you rather give up the computer or the TV? TV! I gave that up like, 6 years ago lol. That’s no problem for me now. Have you ever liked someone who had a girl/boyfriend? No, I haven’t. As of this minute, what is going through your mind? I want to play Mario Kart Tour again but I have to finish this survey first. Does anyone know your password besides you? Gab and my sister. Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? I dunno, I’ve never been in that situation. Have you ever ridden a horse? Yes. Are you a patient person? I’m patient with people more; I don’t like the other aspects of waiting, like traffic or waiting in line for something. Could you go a day without eating? I could, but it would suck and it would hurt and I’d probably pass out. Honestly, are things going the way you planned? More than, I guess. I mean I didn’t plan on making it to 21, so I guess everything I do from here on out is more than what I had planned. Are you a forgiving person? No. I prefer holding grudges. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep? HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH YES What is something you disliked about today? My anthropology professor instructed us to watch a film over the weekend. Completely forgot about it of course, and crammed my viewing the night before even though I was already tired. Today, I walked into the room to find out we were gonna watch the exact same movie as a class anyway; meaning I could have rested up last night lolololololol but guess not When's the last time you had a headache? A week ago, I think. Is there anything that you are craving right now? A burger from Pound :( And samgyupsal, ughhhhhhhh. What was the first thing you thought of this morning? How I fucking hate my Wednesday schedule. What part of your body hurts right now? I’m good at the moment. Eyes are starting to feel heavy though. Is there anyone you would like to just appear at your front door right now? Not really. Gab’s working tonight and I wouldn’t want her to drop everything just to surprise me at home. What is something that you realized today? I really dislike my course. I had a very productive afternoon today and started work on each of my final requirements for all my classes this semester – I met progress with every single major requirement, except for those of my journ electives, about which I could really not care less. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be? No. Do you remember who your first crush was? Yeah, my 5th grade science teacher. I remember feeling ashamed to disclose it on these surveys back when I was new to this, but it’s been like ten years and I’ve gotten old as fuck and I can just spit it out now lmao. Ever walked into the guy's bathroom? I don’t think so. Have you ever cried from being so mad? Sure. What's a word that starts with the third letter of your first name? Binoculars. Do you have a bad temper? I can, most especially on my period. How many wives or husbands do you want? Wow, just one please. What's the closest pink object to you? My keyboard cover. Do you consider yourself lucky? No. Whats on your bedroom floor right now? A single sock that I’m too lazy to pick up for now, and my dog. Do you trust anyone? I trust lots of people. What's your favorite color gummy bear? Maybe red? I like strawberry/cherry flavored gummies. What's the last movie you saw in the theater? Portrait of a Lady on Fire. If you could push one person off of a mountain, who would it be? Duterte. Wish you could be somewhere else right now? Meh, yes and no. What color is your iPod? I don’t use it anymore, but my Nano is blue. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping maybe? Or at least settling in. Do you like roller coasters? Nope. One famous guy you would marry in an instance? Does it have to be a guy? I got nothing.

[loserholland]

𝐆𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞

𝟎𝟎𝟑 ➺ 𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐬

Pairing ➺ Thomas Shelby x Mafia!Reader Modern AU

Warning ➺ Uh none really i think, i decided chapter 4 would be filled with angst maybe idk i couldn’t bare writing the angst literally felt #depressed and was like no go. angst at the end?

Word Count ➺ 1,757

Summary ➺ Two Mafia’s, two polar opposites, two leaders with blood on their hands.

A/N ➺ Also send me your thoughts! Feel free to reblog! PS, this was so much fun to write omg & I decided for the series to take place about 2 years after Grace’s death and before Lizzie is pregnant. 

*I also edited this and added some detail on*

Père céleste, s'il te plaît, pardonne-moi = heavenly father forgive me

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @hollandfieldblurbs , @beerbottlesandchainsaws, @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine​, @spideyyypeter

☆♜ 𝐆𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ♜☆ ➺ @softcillian , @crazyzoey48484, @thatsamegirl, @softpetcrparker, @camilovestar, @ghosttling , @trash-can-beebo, @notanovak-iller, @shelbyaesthetic

☞  Masterlist  ☜

What is stronger than the human heart, which shatters over and over and still lives.

- Rupi Kaur

(Y/N) tapped her heels against the wood floor of Tommy’s study, her thumb nail placed between her front teeth staring at the handsome man in front of her who sat there with a glass on whiskey in one hand and a cigarette between his lips.

She watched as Tommy’s mouth moved, yet nothing came out. Yes, she was aware that he was talking and words were coming out of his mouth yet they were inaudible to her. Her mind replayed the event from earlier, remembering the feeling of his calloused hand wrapped around her throat as she stared back up at him with such innocence.

The memory made her rub her thighs together in hopes for some sort of relief, “(Y/N).” oh that accent, that goddamn Birmingham accent, it was husky and smooth that accent can have a girl on her knees praising jesus and thanking him for sending such a god to their feet. 

Goddammit that accent made her mind cloudy, this was suppose to be professional but ever since this goddamn handsome man with raven hair, a jawline that could cut and those beautiful blue eyes. Tommy’s eyes were the most beautiful ever blue eyes she’s ever saw, they were so deep and captivating.

They would have you on your knee’s pleading “Please Mr.Shelby, I’m sorry Mr.Shelby, Please give me-” her thoughts came to a halt at the sound of Tommy’s voice.

“Are you okay love, you seem flustered.”

 (Y/N) leaned back into her seat brushing her hair away from her face, situating herself “M’fine, just need a drink.” she mumbled standing from the seat her hands tugged at the hem of her dress pulling it down the material that rolled up her thigh.

Tommy watched as she poured herself a glass of whiskey downing the drink in thirst showing no reaction of the liquor that burned her throat. “I’m interested, in buying one of your clubs. Rendezvous to be exact.” (Y/N) scoffed lightly turning around to face Tommy.

“You’re joking right?” (Y/N) questioned in disbelief, she was no way in hell selling her father’s first ever bar, it was his legacy that would and will always be kept in the family. Tommy on the other hand sat there unamused “Am I laughing?” 

(Y/N) stalked over to her seat standing behind leaning forward till some of her exposed cleavage met Tommy’s view.

“I am not selling my father’s bar Thomas,” Ignoring his request to call him Tommy, she stated in a monotone voice, she inhaled sharply before breathing out “, that’s like you selling The Garrison. If I were to tell you I wanted The Garrison, you’d say no before I could even finish my sentence.” Tommy knew she wasn’t wrong there, The Garrison was their pub, their place to lay back after a long day.

Tommy scoffed in annoyance glaring at the woman who stood before him, “You know I’m not wrong Thomas, we both know I’m right.” he didn’t want to admit it, if there was one thing everyone knew about Tommy Shelby was to never test his patience and that he was always right.

Though here stood (Y/N), the complete opposite of him. She was stubborn and would be around the bush, avoiding the topic as long as she could before being stuck in the corner with no choice but to talk.

“Well, how about my London club for one of your clubs.” Tommy said nonchalantly growing impatient with (Y/N) actions, he tried his best to stay content and not lash out at the beautiful woman in front of me.

(Y/N) tapped her chin lightly quietly overthinking his offer, “Hm, alright let’s go see it.” she turned on her heels and headed for the door as Tommy stayed seated. 

“Who said we’re going tonight love? You’re here for the rest of the week right? We’ll go tomorrow, now c’mon I’ll drop you to your hotel.” Tommy rose from his seat following her out the door grabbing his blazer and keys. Tommy walked to the garage door turning around to see if (Y/N) was following him, though she wasn’t he stalked over to where she stood.

She stared up at the empty space on the wall of the staircase, the empty space that left her wondering what could’ve been there, curiosity filled her veins wanting nothing more than to ask what was placed there. 

“You had something up there... what happened to it?” Tommy stood a few feet away from (Y/N), his patiences wore so thing only held by a single strand. “Ever heard of curiosity killed the cat?” Tommy questioned watching as she stood her ground, still fixated on the wall. 

(Y/N) huffed slightly turning to look at Tommy then back up at the wall ignoring his stare that shot many bullets to your head. 

“Tell me or else you’ll have to take me to your club.” Tommy turned on his heels giving her not much of an answer, so she stood there for a few minutes before he shouted “Get in the car, we’re going to the club.” (Y/N) smirked to herself, she always get’s what she wants. 

Shot after shot after shot.

Whiskey after whiskey, and now a cigarette hung from her lips.

The room was filled with smoke and burning stench of alcohol, (Y/N) sat in the booth humming as she danced in her seat to the music that was muffled from the inside of their private room.  She reached for the bottle of whiskey that set in the middle of the table, pouring more into her glass. 

Tommy on the other hand sat there with his cigarette between his index and middle finger, bringing the roll of tobacco to his lips. He didn’t feel like drinking, also because he was the designated driver and didn’t want to have a one night stand. 

Odd right? The Tommy Shelby was always one to have such a high sex drive, he’d take out his aggression with sex, forget about his long day sex. Yet with (Y/N) he didn’t want nor felt the need to get her into bed, she was not only a boss and hopefully business partner. She was just different, a good different.

The simplest things he did or said could have a woman on her knees for him begging at his mercy. (Y/N) took a long drag of her cigarette, leaning back into the velvet seats blowing the smoke in Tommy’s directions. She smiled to herself, remembering the first time they met she had done the exact same thing.

“Is this how you get women?” (Y/N) tapped the end up her cigarette into the ash tray glancing up at Tommy’s unemotional face that was hard to read. He shrugged lightly staring at the powerful woman in front of him.

“No, I have a service.” Tommy simply answered causing (Y/N) to snort at his answer reaching for the bottle of whiskey instead of pouring some into her glass she lipped the bottle swallowing it without hesitation.

She pointed the bottle in his direction before bursting out in laughter, by then she had thought maybe Tommy think’s she’s a psycho or something by the sudden out burst of laughter.

“You can have any woman at your feet on her knees, begging for you to take her and use her. Yet you use a service?” all he did was shrug, usually a shrug either means yes or no it usually meant a maybe. (Y/N) slowly began to slur her words as she held the bottle of truth in her hands, she sighed lightly placing the bottle back onto the table with a loud thud. 

She propped her head onto her hand and stared at Tommy, the music playing outside muffled against the room, the lights were dim and yet he still looked like a god. 

“Do you think you could ever love again?” 

Tommy looked over at (Y/N), tilting his head in confusion as he stared at (Y/N) in awe. He could see a small broken light in her eyes, the way they averted from his when she asked the question. “After you lost your wife.. do you think you could love someone as much as you loved her?” she was quiet, her voice barley above a whisper only loud enough for him to hear over the music.

“I could never forget nor meet someone who loved and accepted me like she did. But, I think only time will tell.” Tommy answered earning a small nod from (Y/N). She scoffed to herself, looking at the table then back at Tommy “Someone once told my father, that people like us, the people like us who do this dirty businesses could never be loved..” she traced her fingers on the table drawing random shapes trailing off lightly.

“.. we’ll always be alone, and any love we get, we will have to pay for.” she could feel the tears brimming her eyes which she quickly blinked away not wanting to be seen at her most vulnerable moment. There was only one person who had seen her at her most vulnerable moment, she built this wall to hide her emotions. The one time she tore them down, only to be heartbroken by the one she had let in. Not only did her father have to pay for his sins but she did too.

“I hate to admit it but, fuck. I was so close to a chance at love, so fucking close,” (Y/N) looked up at Tommy licking her lips before continuing, “, it’s people like us that hurt the most, it’s the people like us that can have our heart’s broken over and over yet we’re still alive.”

She leaned back into the seat once more, looking up at the ceiling her eye lids felt heavy all she wanted was to allow sleep to consume her. “It’s the people like us.” she whispered before falling sideways into the seat. 

Tommy stood up looking over at (Y/N) who knocked out on the velvet seat, he got up taking her in his arms and carried her out the bar. Though her words echoed as they left, “we’ll always be alone, and any love we get, we will have to pay for.” he couldn’t help but wonder if she also suffered a lost that left her to build up this wall, an exterior to hide what she felt on the inside. He wondered if she could be his equal.

[not-sebastian-stan]

Sebastian Stan Imagine- Pizza Party

A/N: Its very hot outside and I’m dying so this is very poorly written I’m sorry. Also, my birthday is in two weeks so yeeeey

Warnings: idk cute Seb? Kinda slightly, so tiny that you can’t see it bullied reader????????????? ( the reader just doesn’t have many friends but lol same honestly )

Pairings: Sebastian stan x reader, Marvel cast x reader??? kinda??? not really

Word Count: 1,6K

HIGH SCHOOL AU

High school. Parties with stolen booze, a sleep schedule that is more fucked up than every student on Monday morning and Netflix being your only friend. Fun right? Maybe for most. But not for you. For you high school meant falling asleep at school every day, only eating junk food and making your homework at 3 am because you forgot to make it during school. You didn’t have time to go to parties, not like you were invited to them, and you didn’t have any friends to hang out with. You used to have them.

You were one of the ‘ popular ‘ kids in middle school even though popular kids are just always the bitches and backstabbers. But, that wasn’t you. You were a nice kid. When a new student arrived you would show them the ropes and make sure that they had a group of friends at the end of the week. Sadly, no one did that for you when you went to high school. You thought that you would stay friends with your old group from middle school, but when they all got a summer glow up and you got a summer glow meh, they ditched you. Even Sebastian. Sweet old Sebastian.

He was nice, athletic, his parents were friends with yours. Your moms used to joke about how you two would get married later. You two would just nod and smile. You would talk so much during the weekly dinners that your parents gave you a separate table so that they could have some peace. He still talks to you like nothing happened during those dinners. But there are a lot more silences in between those talks. And at school, he pretends you don’t exist. Or rather, his friends do so. Maybe it’s because they don’t know you. But Sebastian never bothered to introduce you to them.

“ Miss Y/L/N, what’s the answer to question six? “ Miss Smith askes. You quickly look at the paper laying in front of you. What happens if a car that is driving with 50 miles an hour shoots a ball away from it with 50 miles an hour? Wait, didn’t you read a Wikipedia article about this last night? “ It would just fall down? “. She sighs, probably expecting you to give the wrong answer. “ Okay, let’s move on to the next question. “.

You sigh in relief as you let your head rest against your hand. You look over each of your classmates, but your eyes stop on Sebastian. He too is looking your way. He smiles at you and you give him a little wave. He wants to wave back to you but is stopped by a friend whispering something in his ear. Of course, he has to be stopped.

You wait for him by his locker. You always waited for him on Wednesdays. Those were the days he would eat at your house. You lean against the cold metal doors as you see him approaching you. He takes a quick jog to get to you faster. “ Hey, “ he says as he brushes some loose hairs out of his face. “ Hey. “. You step away from his locker so that he can open it. “ So, what are we eating today. “. He closes the locker after grabbing his books and turns towards you. “ Lasagne. Are we gonna walk or take the bus? “. Please say walk, please say walk. “ Let’s take the bus, okay? “. Fuck. “ Sure. “. You hate the bus. Yes, it was nice that you didn’t have to walk but every time you took the bus you would sit alone because some girls in skirts so short they were practically a belt stole Sebastian away.

As the doors of the bus opened, everybody stormed inside to get the back row of seats. The best seats according to everybody. They were softer than the rest. Nobody knew why, but it was true. You sat there once. It was like sitting on clouds. Sebastian was quickly pulled away from you, like you expected, by a group of girls. “ Is it okay if I sit with them, Y/n? “. You nod your head. It’s not like what you would say matters. Those girls would still sit with him even if you said no. You take a seat for yourself. Everybody walks around you like you are some kind of rat carrying the pest. But who could blame them? Nobody ever said anything to people that don’t really have friends.

The bus ride went by to slow. You thought for a good minute or so that time had just stopped or that you were stuck in a time loop. Or maybe died and send to hell, because being stuck in a school bus? That’s hell. You quickly make your way out of the bus when it came to its first stop. Sebastian steps out of the bus, laughing at his friends, Chris, next to him. “ Y/n, is it okay if Chris tags along for dinner? “. You nod your head. “ Thank you. “ Chris says as you three start to walk towards your house. You like Chris. He is nice, kind, sociable. Everything you wished you could be. Plus Chris always makes you laugh.

“ So at five minutes later I find him, covered in barbeque sauce, sitting on the lawn while crying about the eggs he just at. “ Chris finishes his joke. You burst out in laughs and Sebastian does the same. You grab Sebastian’s arm for some support as you stop walking. Chris lets out a chuckle as he sees you practically dying of laughter. The phone in your pockets starts to ring. You calm yourself down as you answer it. “ Hi, mom. What’s up? “. you say. “ Hi sweetie, look, we are going out to a restaurant with the grownups, “. The Grownups. That’s how your mom would call them when they were going to do something without their children. “ So you and Sebbie can order some pizza. I left some money on the table. We won’t be home too late. Love you. “ she says as she hangs up.

“ Okay great news, our parent are going out to dinner or something so we can order pizza. “. Sebastian and Chris give each other a high five. “ You know what this means, Tiny? “ Sebastian asks you. Tiny, you have always loved that nickname. “ Pizza party! “ you three say together.

The pizza was a bad idea. Well, not pizza but eating five whole pizzas was a bad idea. It wasn’t a good idea to eat ice cream afterwards and maybe watching the Titanic wasn’t a good idea as well. It all escalated so quickly. One moment you were sitting on the couch ordering pizza, the other you were five pizza’s in with a spoon full of ice cream in your mother while two jogs were crying along with you as Jack died. “ There i-is enough room on the t-that door for both of t-them. “ Sebastian cries as he takes another bite of ice cream. “ Come back, Jack. “ Chris says as he rests his head on your shoulder. “ Jack! “ you cry as you follow Sebastian’s lead of eating ice cream. “ Come back! “ you three cry together.

We’re going to sleep in a hotel, you’re home alone tonight.

That was the text your mother sent. You knew what that meant. Your parents were going to have sex. It’s fucked up to think about your parents having sex but you quickly figured out that when they were ‘ sleeping in a hotel ‘ they were there to have sex.

You didn’t mind being home alone, no, you loved it. The castle to yourself. Being able to go the seven eleven at 3 am to get doughnuts. That’s a good life. You look over to Sebastian and Chris cleaning up the ice cream and drying their tears. They weren’t like those guys who would say that ‘ they aren’t crying, there is just something in their eye ‘. No, they would full on cry and own it. What’s wrong with crying?

“ Guys, great new. My parents aren’t home tonight. So I guess you could stay until the crack ass of dawn or something. “ you say as you help them by throwing away the pizza boxes. “ You know what this means, “ Sebastian says. “  Slumber party! “ he and Chris say in a high pitched voice to mimic some middle school girls. You laugh as you tag along with the happy scream they let out.

How was a sleepover a good idea again? It’s awful. Well, yeah it’s fun. But the position you are laying in is so bad. You three wanted to lay in the same room and your bed was too small for the three of you. So Chris decided that you could lay your mattress on the ground and surround it with pillows to create a big mattress. It was a good idea until you realise that both boys like one position most to sleep in. Starfish. Arms and legs stretched out as far as possible. So you decide to sleep on the small loveseat you have in your room. But that thing is almost as hard as a rock. “ Good night. “  Sebastian says with a sleepy voice. Chris replies with some murmuring, probably already asleep. “ Good night, “ you say back.

A/N: The end is bad I know but it’s hot outside and i’m dying

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[carolunea-matea]

Steak And Potatoes

Chapter Forty

I didn’t know a human could run as fast as Jade was heading towards us.  Dean pushed off the Impala as I grabbed the door handle.  I threw the door open as Jade reached me and I pushed her in ahead of me before slamming the door shut, just as I heard the first gunshots ring out.  I stared out the window in horror as I watched the boys drop three werewolves like it was nothing.  They made quick work of the rest of them before turning to the Impala.

Sam was at Jade’s door with a quickness that was kind of shocking.  Dean was opening mine a moment later.

“Are you guys ok? Everyone in one piece? No bites?” Dean asked checking me over.

“I’m good, babe.  Jade? You ok?”

“Define okay?  No blood. I’m not hurt,”

“Thank God!” Sam exclaimed pulling her into a big hug.

“I think we should get out of here,” Cas said rubbing Jade’s back.

“Sam, Cas, you stay with Jade.  We’ll ride home in Baby.” I instructed as I walked around to Jade and gave her a hug.  

“Can you drive, Sam? I’m a little shaky.” Jade handed Sam her keys.

“Of course.”

We all got in the cars and pulled out of the parking lot.

Dean and I drove in silence holding hands. When we all got home we just kind of stood in the garage for a few minutes.  Everyone was exhausted and trying to process the night.

“Jade, would you like me to watch over you tonight?  I don’t sleep so you will be safe all night.  You look like you could use some rest.  All of you.” Cas offered.

“That would be awesome.  Thank you.”

We all said our good nights and headed off to our rooms.

Once Dean and I were changed we both fell into our bed.  Our bed.  I still love the sound of that.  I didn’t think I would ever find happiness like this.  Especially after all the crazy lately.  Yet, every night I fall asleep with Dean next to me, it’s like this is how it is supposed to be.

I shimmied over to him and laid my head on his chest, sighing happily.  He wrapped his arms around me furthering my blissful feeling.  

“This is what home is,” Dean muttered into my hair.  I could feel the smile on his lips as we both fell asleep.

Early the next morning we both awoke slowly.  I burrowed further into him as he pulled me closer.  We didn’t say anything.  Just laid there for a few minutes holding each other and enjoying the slow wake up.  Eventually I moved to look up at him.  Dean leaned down to kiss my softly.  We were just deepening the kiss when there was a knock at the door.

Dean groaned and I laughed.

“Come in!” I called out.

“Sorry if I am interrupting anything,” Jade slowly opened the door.

“No, no, just having a lazy wake up.  Is anything wrong?” I said stretching my arms as I climbed out of bed, much to Dean’s dismay.

“No, nothing’s wrong.  I was just wondering if you guys thought it was safe to go back to my place yet?  I don’t want to continue to impose on you.”

“First, we can all go check after breakfast.  Make sure everything is safe and sound.  Second, you aren’t imposing.  This is one of the safest places.  There are a billion bedrooms and a crap ton of food.  We could go days without running into each other if we really wanted to.  You can stay here as long as you want, or whenever you want.” I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder.

She smiled at me.

“Thanks!  I may take you up on that offer from time to time.  But, I miss my apartment.”

“I completely understand.  Let’s go make breakfast and let Dean get changed.  Dean? Can you grab Sam and fill him in?”

“Sure thing, Sweetheart.”

I kissed Dean quickly as I pulled my robe on.

Jade and I walked down to the kitchen, chatting about different bar stories. We both had a ton of funny stories about crazy drunk people.

“I’m thinking waffles and bacon this morning.  But, first, coffee!”

“What do you need me to do?”

We set to work and in no time had a platter of homemade waffles made with pans of bacon frying.  We fell into step easily and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was another person that was going to be in my life for the long haul.  Well, however long that haul would last with everything that goes bump in the night.  It seems the more you know about the scary things the more they made themselves known in your life.

Sam, Dean, and Castiel walked into the kitchen together with their mouths practically watering.

“I may not need to eat, but, you make it impossible to not want to, Caroline.”

“Thanks, Angel Man!” I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek.

“Don’t go trying to steal my girl, Cas,” Dean joked.

“I would never do such a thing, oh, your joking.” Cas shook his head.

We all laughed as we carried our plates and mugs to the table.  I got that feeling of family again and couldn’t stop my smile from getting wider. Dean squeezed my knee under the table aiming that million-dollar smile at me.  

Jade and I let the guys clean up the mess while we went to get dressed.  I was just finishing my hair when Dean burst into the room and grabbed me spinning me in circles.  I laughed happily while he held me.

“What was that for?” I asked slightly out of breath.

“You just looked so happy this morning.  Its contagious.” He kissed all over my face, making me laugh all over again.

“Come on, let’s go!  Jade wants to go home we need to make sure its secure.” I pulled him out of our room.

We all met in the garage.  We decided to just all ride in Baby because that’s where all the gear was anyway.  

“Shotgun!” I called before Dean could even open the door.

Everyone laughed as I stuck my tongue out at Sam and he returned the gesture.

“Alright, kids enough fighting,” Jade laughed.

I could tell Jade was nervous about going to her place.  I knew that feeling all too well.  Turning in my seat I looked back at her.  

“Sam and Dean are going to go in first, check the whole place make sure it’s safe.  Cass is going to stay in the car with us.  If all is safe and well, we can head up.  Everything is going to be ok, sweetie.  Either way you will have a safe place to stay.  You are part of this family now, and family doesn’t turn their back on family.”

Jade nodded, chewing on her bottom lip from nervousness.  Cas laid a hand on her shoulder, calming her almost instantly. Sam put his arm around her as a show of support.

Dean pulled into a spot in front of Jade’s building.

“We will call with the all clear,” he kissed me before getting out and casually walking into the building with Sam.

We waited for what felt like an eternity before my phone rang.

“It’s all clear babe.  You guys can come one up.”

“Awesome, Thanks Dean!” I turned to Jade and Cass,” We got the all clear. Time to go clean up so you can have a nice first night back in your place.”

An hour later we had her place cleaned and ready to be lived in again.

“Well, let’s head back to the bunker and I’ll make us some lunch before you pack up.” I suggested.

“Sounds good to me.” Jade still looked a little nervous.

“What’s wrong, Jade?” Cass asked looking concerned.

“I guess I’m just nervous about being alone here.  And I’m going to miss you all.”

“I can stay with you tonight.  Or until you feel safe again.” Sam offered.

“The rest of us are just a phone call and twenty-minute drive away,” Dean added while enveloping Jade in a big brotherly hug.

“I told you, you’re stuck with us little sister.” I joked.

Jade nodded and we all headed down to the car.

“Shotgun!” Jade yelled running to the front passenger’s side door.  We all laughed and piled in for the ride home.

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