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sacredsorceress · 4 years ago

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Worth the Risk || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

summary: when bucky and sam get captured you have to go in alone to save them leading to a worried, overprotective bucky who cares about you a bit more than a teammate should

a/n: reblogs and replies are super appreciated!!

word count: 2.2k

warnings: description of violence, injuries, a gun, dagger and blood, swearing, angst w/ happy ending

masterlist || taglist

“Bucky?” You whispered through the earpiece. “Sam? Where are you guys-”

Sitting in the van, you began to grow worried as you couldn’t find any of your teammates on the screen after they had turned around a corner. Tapping the earpiece, you were about to speak again when you heard Sam’s voice on the other end.

“Y/n?”

Sitting forward in your chair, you breathed a premature sigh of relief.

“Sam? Thank God you guys are okay.” You told him. “I was worried when-”

“Y/n, listen,” Sam cut you off, his voice a near whisper. “They got us- me and Bucky- but I think you’ll be able to take them out if you think you’re ready for it.”

You began to feel your heart race in your chest just at the proposition. Although you had joined the group almost half a year ago, you had never gone on a mission by yourself- always having others to back you up, but you knew Sam well enough that he wouldn’t have suggested the idea lightly. If he asked you to go in alone... you knew it was because there was no other choice.

“Okay.” You said. “I can do this, Cap. I’ll be there soon- just hold on.”

With that, you left the vehicle, making your way into the building. When the door of the facility closed behind you, you raised your gun.

“You shouldn’t have told her to come in here.” Bucky told Sam, pacing around their cell. “If we couldn’t handle it together, what makes you think that she can do it by herself? You’re going to get her killed-”

“Buck,” Sam said firmly. “I know you’re worried about her, but she can handle herself. She’s our only shot of getting out of here so I’m gonna need you to calm down.”

Sitting himself down in the corner of the room, Bucky said nothing more to Sam, instead placing his head in his hands.

Bucky knew logistically that you could handle yourself- you were on the team for a reason- but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry about you. He worried about you all the time- even in training- nagging Sam if he threw you down a bit too hard and feeling his heart drop to his stomach when bruises littered your body after a mission. He hated seeing you get hurt, but as he sat in the cell with Sam, knowing that you were coming into the building all on your own- he felt as though he was going to be sick.

Now he wasn’t there to watch your back. He wasn’t there to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt. He wasn't there to make sure you didn't get yourself killed- the thought of it too horrible for him to even allow himself to think about. He worried because he knew in your line of business, every wrong move could be fatal and he couldn’t bare the thought of not having you by his side every day.

Listening to the sound of water leaking from the sealing above him, Bucky prayed you would be alright.

Turning a corner inside of the building, you were hoping the same.

Peaking around the edge of a wall you spotted two men, armed with batons. Taking a deep breath, you aimed for one of the men’s bullet proof vest, taking the shot and knocking him to the ground. Immediately the other man ran towards you with the baton raised in his hand.

Ducking as he swung the baton, you threw a punch to the man’s stomach, knocking him backwards, but just as you did the other man hit you in your back with the baton.

“Fuck!” You screamed out in pain, taking the man’s arm between your knees. You pulled the baton out of his hand as you stretched it in the other direction, causing him to yelp out in pain.

Once in your hand, you spun around, swinging the man in the face with the baton, knocking him unconscious. Dropping it to the floor, you pulled your taser from your belt, shocking the other man, forcing him to the ground.

“Y/n?” You heard Sam ask through the earpiece. “Y/n are you alright?”

Shoving the taser back in its slot and raising your gun once again, you stepped over the two men’s unconscious bodies, running down the hallway.

“I am now.” You huffed, placing one of your hands on your lower back. “When this is over, you’re paying for my chiropractor.”

Turning another corner, you were met with a man and a woman standing at the end of the hallway.

“Are you guys always in pairs?” You asked. “Frankly I think it’s unfair.”

When they said nothing, just raising their batons from their belts, you spoke up again.

“Where are my friends?” You asked more seriously.

“You’re about to find out.”

The woman running at you first, you hit the butt of your gun in her face causing her to wobble backwards but the second you did, you felt a burst of searing hot pain run throughout your face as the baton collided with your nose. Stumbling backwards, you felt as another of the baton’s swings hit your midsection, causing you to double over in pain.

The man tugged your collar as you felt another blow connect with your face.

Wheezing, you dropped the gun to your side.

Standing in front of you, the woman slid her baton back into her belt.

“See?” she said. “I’m sure your friends will be happy to see-”

As she spoke you carefully slid your dagger out of your belt, but before she was able to finish her sentence, you threw it cleanly at her, the dagger jamming itself through her shoulder, sticking her to the wall.

“Shit!” She shouted in pain.

Immediately afterwards, the man grabbed your coat shoving you against the wall only to throw another punch to your mouth. Rather than giving him the satisfaction of yelping out in pain, you headbutt the man, causing him to stumble backwards into his partner. Grabbing the baton from his hand, you swung it over his head, knocking him unconscious.

Spitting blood onto the ground, you heaved as you picked up your gun and the keys from the man’s waist, making your way over to the room on the right.

Swinging the door open, your eyes immediately fell onto the reinforced cell in front of you, Bucky and Sam rushing to the front. Stumbling over to the cell, you unlocked the door, swinging it open and leaning against it.

“Y/n?” You heard Bucky’s voice first as he ran over to you. “Fuck, look at you.”

Moving his hands to cup your face, not being able to help yourself from wincing, Bucky could feel his heart shatter in his chest. Sure, you had a few bruises here and there in the past but never this bad.

You had a deep gash across your nose that he was sure would need stitches along with a cut along your lip and a large bruise forming around your eye- and that was just your face.

Looking up and seeing his worried eyes, you shot him a quaint, bloody smile.

“You should see the other guys.” You joked.

You attempted to laugh, only to wheeze and begin to cough.

“Y/n this isn’t funny.” He said seriously. “You could have died. Sam should have never asked-”

“Bucky,” You cooed, reaching your hands up to cup his face. “I’m okay. Besides, I couldn’t leave my favorite boys in here could I?”

Feeling your fingertips against his face, he couldn’t help but melt into your touch. You always managed to make him a lovesick mess as if he was still fifteen and not a one hundred and six year-old man who had been to hell and back.

“Hate to break up the reunion,” Sam said. “But those guys will only be out for so long. We got to get out of here.”

After falling asleep on the car ride back to the Compound, you woke up in bed, the dim glow of the lamp shining on the night stand above you. Opening your eyes, you pushed yourself up in the bed, only for a shooting pain to spread throughout your torso. Not able to stop yourself, you yelped out in pain.

“Hey, hey,” You heard none other than Bucky’s voice beside you, one of his hands coming to rest on yours while the other adjusted your pillow. “Take it easy.”

“I am, Doc.” You lied, leaning against your newly adjusted pillow.

Tucking you in, Bucky shook his head, leaning on the nightstand beside you.

“We should have never let you go in alone.” He sighed, leaning his head on his hand. “I just felt sick the entire time. You could have died, Y/n. If they just hit you in the wrong spot... I’m never letting you go in alone again. I’m not letting you leave my sight.”

During your time as a member of the group, you and Bucky had grown incredibly close and during the past few months maybe even closer than friends. It was normal for him to worry- you never even had to wonder where he was during missions because he always had your back- but looking at his face now you could tell just how worried he had been and you couldn’t help but feel your heart break.

“Bucky,” You hummed. “You go on dangerous missions all the time alone. How am I any different?”

A silence settled over the two of you as Bucky squeezed your hand.

Not meeting your eyes, he spoke up again.

“Because I can’t lose you.” Bucky said, his voice nearly a whisper. “I can’t even think about what would happen if anything happened to you, Y/n. Even seeing the cuts and bruises on your face? I’m... I’m not the Winter Soldier anymore, but I think if you put me in a room with those people I would kill them for what they did to you. I almost broke us out of the cell myself because I hated the idea so much of you going in there on your own. If something happens to me... it’s different. Nothing can happen to you, Y/n. Nothing.”

Staring at the super soldier sat at your bedside, you began to feel tears prick in your eyes. You had cared for Bucky in a way that you had been too afraid to admit- not wanting to ruin your friendship- but as he sat there, confessing his feelings for you, you couldn’t help but feel your heart tug in your chest, just wanting him.

“Do you love me?” You asked finally before you could stop yourself.

Looking up at your injured face, he felt his breath catch in his throat. He wasn’t able to read you in the moment at all, your face straight, seriousness laced in ever bit. All he could think was that even with the black eye and the stitches across your nose, he had never seen someone as beautiful as you.

He knew his answer. There wasn’t a single part of him that doubted it.

“Yes.”

Hearing his answer, you stared at him and smiled.

“Are you sure?” You asked. “Do you love me as more than a teammate-”

“Y/n,” He cut you off, squeezing your hand once again. “As much as I love working with you, every time you call me your ‘teammate’ I want to go find a punching bag.”

Trying to bite back your smile, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

You hated calling him “only” your teammate just as much as he did- if not more. Knowing that he hated it just as much as you the entire time you used the word to disguise your true feelings made you feel as if a weight had been lifted off of your chest despite the aches that still consumed your being.

Bucky was more than your teammate, he was your partner.

“Oh Thank God.” You laughed. “I can’t tell you how many I’ve knocked off the hook after you called me your ‘friend’.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he leaned in closer to you.

“What are you saying?” He asked.

Shaking your head in disbelief, you reached your free hand up to his hair, brushing it back with your hand.

“I’m saying,” You smiled. “that I love you too and that I’m not going anywhere, Buck.”

Leaning into your touch, a smile finally reached across his face. “You know, if it weren’t for your stitches, I would kiss you right now.”

“So my face isn’t too messed up then, right, Doc?” You asked. “If you still want to kiss me and all...”

Reaching your hand up to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss to your skin.

“You could never look bad, doll.” He hummed. “But promise me you won’t do that to me again. I almost had a heart attack, Y/n.”

Leaning your head against your pillow, admiring him, you smiled.

“I promise, Buck.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes oneshot #Bucky Barnes drabble #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff

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d0llpie · 4 years ago

Note

hi its ya gorl seijoh hoe 🤠 how would they all (separately or as a group) react to the reader when she gets protective n savage toward a crappy guy who treated her friend like trash n she talks to the guys abt it?/ love the blog btw <3

Reacting to you slapping a guy

Characters: Oikawa x reader, Iwaizumi x reader, Matsukawa x reader & Hanamaki x reader

Warnings: mentions of cheating, nudes, swearing

a/n: Hiii i made y/n slap the guy cause he was an ass✋🏻 hope you enjoy love :) ,,,also some are in high school and some aren’t so sorry if that’s confusing <33

wc: 2.8k

Oikawa

- Your friend had recently broken up with your boyfriend and Oikawa wanted to come tell you about the rumours he’d been spreading

“No f/n, you were right to dump him he can’t expect you to stay with him when he’s never making dates and only hanging out with you when he’s drunk. That’s not a relationship” you were getting fired up just thinking about how much of a dick your friends ex was. “I know y/n, i just...i feel like i’m gonna regret it i mean i still love him, i know i shouldn’t but..” she sighed and shrugged and you held her hands comfortingly, you knew this was hard but having to build her up after every fight they had was breaking your heart and you were glad she finally managed to cut ties with him. “I know, you’ll be okay, i’ll be here the whole time m’kay? so will tooru and i’m sure he knows someone if you want to go out and have fun to get over him..” you playfully nudged her and she giggled, you were happy to finally see her seem happy. “I dont need rebound sex y/n” she rolled her eyes and you laughed together before your boyfriend, Oikawa approached you both seeming uncharacteristically nervous.

You both looked up at him expectantly “hi tooru, something wrong baby?” he sat down next to you and smiled sweetly at f/n “uh, you broke up with ex/n recently right?” your eyes widened and you slapped Toorus arm “it’s okay y/n, i figured you’d tell him anyway, i don’t mind..and yeah i did, why?” you glared at Oikawa and he laughed awkwardly “well, he’s behind the gym, i was taking a break from practise and heard your name so i listened and he was saying..things...” you looked over at your friend who was growing more anxious by the minute. You knew she’d have a million thoughts running through her head, regretting the break up. You frowned before turning to Oikawa “what things Tooru?” you were growing more frustrated by the second, thinking about that asshole. “His friend asked him about the break up and he said he broke it off cause you wanted more than sex..” Oikawa offered an apologetic smile before rubbing her shoulder “he WHAT?”.

While Oikawa was trying to comfort your friend you were seeing white, blind with rage as you stormed off ignoring your boyfriend calling you. “We should follow her, something bad is going to happen..” Tooru dragged your friend behind you as you continued on your path to the gym. That asshole couldn’t handle being dumped so he lied? what a fucking joke. You were muttering under your breath, effectively clearing the people in front of you away as the avoided your furious aura.

“Oi ex/n!” he turned around with a smug grin on his face and his friends whistled and laughed, clealry entertained “Y/n, what do i owe the p-“ he was cut off by the loud bang of your fist connecting with the bridge of his nose. He stumbled back, holding his nose as a few drops of blood hit the floor, you shook your hand, adrenaline coursing through you “you bitch!” he took a few steps towards you but you were pulled back into a firm chest “Uh, we’ll be leaving now. Don’t bother telling anyone or i’ll let the whole school know about what really happened, including your tiny dick.” Oikawa smiled widely at them before dragging you away.

When you were sitting back with your friend and Oikawa she hugged you tightly “y/n, i fucking love you” you both laughed while Oikawa stood there staring at you “ahem?” he cleared his throat. “Hi baby...?” he sighed before grabbing your hand and pressing a soft kiss against each knuckle “your adrenaline is going to go away and this is going to hurt, i’m getting you ice..f/n, make sure she stays put.” He began to stand up but you grabbed his wrist, wincing slightly “i’m sorry for making you worry Tooru” you leant down pressing a kiss to your forehead “don’t be sorry, i love how much you care about your friends, i just don’t want you hurt, i’m sure he’s worse off though, you threw a good punch i can’t wait to tell Iwa!” you both laughed before he pressed another quick kiss to your forehead, jogging off towards the gym again to grab an ice pack.

“Ugh you guys are so in love it’s gross” you friend pretended to throw up and you laughed at her “yeah” you smiled cheesily and she smiled too, she was happy you had someone so perfect for you.

Iwaizumi

You were having a night out with your best friend since she was feeling down. Her boyfriend had been distant lately so you offered to take her to a club Iwaizumi and you had gone to once to blow off some steam.

You both dressed up took some pictures before heading out. You were happy to distract your friend, she was already feeling better and excited to go out with you. You texted Iwaizumi letting him know you’ll probably crash at f/n’s house and sending him some pictures. He told you he’d stay up and wait for you to text him you got in safe anyway.

When you arrived you bought some drinks for you both and she sculled it down before moving to the dance floor, you watched amused from the bar. You felt someone staring holes into your side and so you turned to meet a very guilty face, with his arm wrapped around some girl. She was looking up at him confused “baby what’s wrong?” you scoffed audibly before making your way over to them. If your friend noticed your absence you didn’t see.

“You know, i wish i could say i was surprised...” he rolled his eyes, guilty expression vanishing as he tightened his arm around the girls waist. “So you’re the girlfriend?” you turned to look down at the girl as she scowled at you and you almost laughed. “Oh so she knows, and no sweetie i’m not.” “I am.” you turned around shocked to see your friend on the verge of tears behind you, looking heartbroken. You felt your stomach drop, you turned around to look at her now ex, wanting the Earth to open up and swallow him whole for being the reason your friend felt like this.

You don’t know what happened but suddenly your palm was red and stinging, raised into the air and he was holding his jaw, fury in his eyes. F/n grabbed your arm, quickly running out towards to the exit. “Y/n, you’re such a badass what the fuck was that?” she laughed loudly, it sounded nice despite her ruined make up and red eyes. “Are you okay?” you asked, taking out your phone to text Iwaizumi, her laugh died down and she nodded, tearing up again before hugging you. You rubbed her back soothingly.

Y/n: Hi baby, soo night out has been cut short, can you come pick us up? f/n is staying the night also hurry there’s an angry blonde girl trying to find us

Iwa: explain when i pick you up. i love you.

Y/n: mhm i love you too <3

A few minutes passed and f/n had stopped crying and was sniffling, sitting in the floor deleting photos of her ex. You heard obnoxious clicking of heels and looked to see her ex and his new girlfriend walking towards you both. You cursed under your breath, alerting f/n to the two new presences. You saw Iwaizumi’a car approaching and when he saw your panicked face he sped up, parking right in front of f/n. He guided f/n to the back seat, letting her lie down, guessing by the sight of her ex boyfriend holding another girls hand what had happened. He could see the way they looked like they were trying to kill you with their glares and came to stand beside you, “can we help you?” he wrapped a protective arm around your middle, smiling sarcastically. “Yeah, control your bitch she fucking slapped me.” he chuckled dryly and Iwaizumis grip tightened, “y/n get in the car.” you gripped his arm “zumi don’t, he isn’t worth it he’s pathetic” he looked down to see your pleading gaze and he sighed, kissing your forehead before turning and walking you both back to the car. “Hey-“ “Shut up man, you lost a good one.” Your friends ex walked off angrily and you both got in the car.

After a few minutes of driving, Iwaizumi rested his hand on your thigh, you could tell he was tense so you rubbed his hand “relax baby, i’m okay..” he relaxed his shoulders and loosened his other hand on the steering wheel. “I know but he’s an ass and i don’t trust him” he was stroking your thigh trying to calm himself down. You looked behind to see f/n “hi, you feeling okay ?” she nodded, smiling at you. “Iwaizumi i just thought you should know she did hit him pretty hard” you both giggled and iwaizumi squeezed your leg, letting out a loud laugh as he brought your hand up to his lips to kiss your knuckles.

You spent the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch with your best friend while Iwaizumi made you both food and put on some movies. Iwaizumi watched you both from the kitchen, admiring you taking care of your friend with a love sick grin on his face.

Matsukawa

You were at your best friends apartment waiting for your food to arrive, you were having dinner with her and sleeping over since she just broke up with her boyfriend. They’d been together for ages, he even introduced you to your boyfriend Issei, eventually he got toxic and started preventing your friend from hanging out with you guys.

The door bell rang and you sprung up to go answer it, “i got it, stay here but pause the movie.” you opened the door revealing your boyfriend looking down at you. “Hi baby” you chuckled, surprised as he pulled you into a hug, kissing the top of your head before moving to the lounge room where f/n was.

“Hi f/n, i’m sorry for coming over unannounced but have you spoken to ex/n recently?” she sent you a worried glance and you sat down next to her “Uh you guys aren’t together anymore are you?” you shook your head no and he paused. “Look, i’m really sorry f/n, i was on snapchat and he posted a...photo of you on his private..” she pulled out her phone hastily swiping through, she was stressed as a million thoughts clouded her mind “he removed me...” you looked over to issei who took out his phone.

You held his phone and opened the story, it was f/n naked on a bed with a caption “new whore on the market”, the next was a video of him and some friends at a park, one you recognised. F/n snatched the phone from your hand and started shaking, you gripped the pillow beside you, growing enraged at how far he went and how stressed your friend was. You stood up and walked out of the apartment, Issei followed behind you questioning you. You ignored him and got into his car, driving to the park. Issei stood in the driveway dumbfounded “f/n, y/n’s gone crazy again where’s your car?” f/n was crying now, she came out and pointed to her car parked across the street and Issei guided her to it, rubbing her back to try and calm her down.

You pulled up in front of the park and stepped out of the car, one of his friends snickered “damn she didn’t bring f/n with her, i mean they’re not bad either” they started to laugh and you ignored the growing pit in your stomach, approaching ex/n. The smug look on his face only antagonised your further as he leaned back against the fence. You wanted to wipe that look off his face so you brought your balled fist up and connected it with his jaw. He fell back further into the fence and as held your fist in your hand. His friends started to approach you, you didn’t hear a car door slamming over your own shriek when a firm arm gripped your upper arm. You winced as the grip tightening before an arm encased your middle “issei?” the man loosened his grip on your arm as Issei towered over him. “Let go.” his face looked calm, mocking almost but his voice was dripping with venom and the man let go. “Great.” Issei lifted you up and hauled you over his shoulder putting you in the car.

“Issei i’m sorry i know i shouldn’t have hit him but he was such an ass and f/n didn’t deserve that..” he furrowed his brows as he drove “i’m not mad” you looked at him “really?” he threw his head back and let out a laugh “babe are you serious? you were so badass, if you didn’t hit him i would’ve anyway” you smiled up at him and giggled “are you okay though?” you nodded and he glanced over at you.

After going back to f/n’s house, Issei iced your hand and pressed a few kisses to your upper arm where a small bruise was forming. “I love you, so much baby, i’ll see you later okay? Take care f/n, i’m really sorry, it’s been taken down” she nodded and offered him a smile and you hugged him in return “i love you too, i’ll text you okay?” he smirked at you before kissing you quickly.

F/n and you binged some shitty rom coms and did some face masks while trying to relax after a stressful day.

Hanamaki (sorry his is kind of short)

You were walking around with Makki after your date night, going to get ice cream. “Makki its this way, we’ve been here before!” you attempted to drag your boyfriend by the arm “babe it’s this way, i think i would know” he rolled his eyes “Makki i stg, you’ll see you’re wrong” you stuck out your tongue and he kissed it quickly, you scrunched up your face and wiped it “you’re gross” you both laughed until you heard someone yelling.

You turned to see your best friend looking down at the ground while her boyfriend yelled at her, throwing his arms up and growing more and more frustrated. “Y/n, isn’t that f/n, what the fuck?” Makki started approaching the couple and you quickly followed behind. “Makki wait, he’s really angry what’re you going to do?” you held onto his sleeve as he sped up.

F/n, Matsukawa, you and Makki had been friends for years, attending middle school together and high school. When you and Makki got together you remained friends but f/n quickly grew away from you when she got a boyfriend, barely returning texts, avoiding you at school. You didn’t understand why but you had a feeling it wasn’t malicious, you never liked her boyfriend anyway, so you weren’t mad at her. In fact, despite the circumstances, you were happy to see her, you’d missed her. Makki also missed her, the dynamic the four of you had, he hated her boyfriend.

“Makki? Y/n?” f/n looked up to see you both approaching her angrily. “Oi, can you not pay attention to me for once jesus this is why you were single for so long” your friend cast her gaze back down and you felt a rage bubble up inside you. You’d spent many nights with Makki wondering why f/n hadn’t been speaking with you much, assuming the worst about her boyfriend while Makki joked about him, assuring you he’d never act that way and here he was confirming your theories. You could see Makki tense up before he grabbed his collar “What the fuck do you think you’re doing talking to her like that” he turned to look at Makki and when he did you swung your hand, slapping him. His head whipped back as Makki loosened his grip, turning to you with a massive grin “damn, nice one babe” before he shoved him to the ground grabbing f/n and running away.

You both laughed loudly, dragging f/n away, after a few minutes of running you stopped. “Babe, i told you the ice cream shop was the other way” you whined before you heard sniffling beside you, “f/n...are you okay, i’m sorry i didn’t help you sooner, i wasn’t sure and i’m sorry he was treating you so badly and i didn’t know..” you looked down, grabbing her hands, she smiled at you tearily before pulling you into a hug. Makki joined in, hugging you both as she whispered into your chest “i’ve missed you guys, so, so much.” you laughed with her “i miss you too, stay the night will you? We have ice cream at home” Makki groaned as you sent him a glare “c’mon you two, i’ll call Mattsun, it’s about time we all caught up.” you both nodded and began walking home together.

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akabluekat · 3 years ago

Text

I have something to say.

I’ve seen a few posts recently that have been complaining about anon drama on people’s dashes. I understand people being sick of it—I really do. I’m sick of it—it’s exhausting. I don’t like people being attacked. I hate seeing my friends upset. I don’t like seeing this shit on my dash or in my inbox. It sucks.

However.

Recently, anon hate has escalated to a smear campaign targeted at Nikki, Maddie, and Cat. In addition to anonymous asks, this has included sending anonymous reviews on FFN to a wide range of people in the OC community, some of whom don’t even know the people in question. I am hesitant to mention the specifics of the accusations because that feels like I’m giving too much legitimacy to statements that are laughably false. For the sake of clarity, I’ll say that these accusations are either easily disproven (for example, activity on certain Discord servers that somehow occurred before those servers existed), provide no evidence backing up their claims (allegations of plagiarism and fic stealing), or are just odd (literally anything about Dobby. I cannot even begin to speculate on what that is about).

I know that many people have expressed that they’re nervous posting about their OCs because they don’t want to be targeted. I get that—I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same way.

However, that brings me to the point of this post: what is the goal of these anons?

I think it’s overly simplistic to say that they’re looking for attention. That rationale can also veer into victim blaming pretty quick. They aren’t looking for attention. They are trying to drive specific people out of the community.

I don’t want to scare anyone because of the aforementioned issues with chilling effects, but an anonymous person or group of people launching a campaign to drive specific people out of the community should be a concern for everyone in the community. Ultimately, it boils down to this: like anyone else, Maddie, Nikki, and Cat came here to share their OCs. Someone in the community decided that they had a problem with their participation in the community, so they responded by making up a bunch of lies and spreading those lies in an effort to drive them out. I have no reason to believe that they will not use similar tactics against other people that they decide they don’t like.

Is that the kind of behavior you want to see in your community? Is that the kind of behavior you want directed against you or one of your friends? Do you want some nameless person with an axe to grind to have the power to decide who gets to participate in the community?

While I am selective about the anonsense that I post, this kind of summarizes why I’m vocal about denouncing this behavior and supporting people who are affected by it. It’s unacceptable behavior and no single person or group should get to decide who gets to be part of this community. It’s also unreasonable to expect people to silently deal with harassment as a condition of participating in this community.

I’m not going to tell you what to do with your blog and your fics—there’s been far too much of that recently—but I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to keep posting my stuff. I’m going to speak up when people in this community try to use harassment and bullying to drive others out. I am going to be clear and direct when people behave unacceptably. I am going to be publicly and privately supportive of the people who are targeted by anon hate. I will continue to be selective about the anonsense that I post, but I’m not going to shrug and pretend that it’s not happening. I’m doing this because I want to see the OC community be a supportive, creative space with no tolerance for bullying or harassment. And while I’m not going to tell anyone how to run their blog, I do hope that if you happen to see this post, you at least take some of this into consideration. What kind of community do you want to be a part of and how will your actions support that outcome?

(Also: if you ever get anon hate and aren’t sure what to do or just need someone to listen, my inbox is always open, even if we’ve never talked before or even if we aren’t mutuals. I try to be proactive and send messages when I notice these things, but it’s definitely easy for me to miss stuff, so please don’t hesitate to reach out).

#anonsense

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ourmondobongo · 3 years ago

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You know, as someone who absolutely adore Levihan's deep bond I'm so tired of logging in to diffrrent platsforms and seeing antis spreading lies about our ship. Like I'm so so sick of them claiming "Oh you levihands never consider Levi's cold answer to Hanji after they literally saved him" or "didn't you see how he rejected them in the forest? How do you call his 'unrequited love toward titans' line as a confession of love?" So much invalidating, so much hate. Almost feels like they don't have a life other than slandering what other ppl like. Sometimes this fandom makes me even more exhausted than I am by my daily life. Sorry if I sound like a pessimisst. Was just here to vent as I consider u as a logical person. Tc!

Hi!

Yeah, I feel you, ya know. So you can come vent when you need! I know how painful it's to see something you've loved for a long time is not simply badmouthed, but actively being used to "ship shaming" us.

Unfortunately, 99% of the time that LH is slandered it's not a matter of honest or sincere people (either shippers and neutrals) picking canon material and presenting another view that could not match what we have seen in the same canon material, or with the Japanese translation helpers (that we love). If it was with honesty reading, it wouldn't be slander at all, just a fair viewpoint shared to make people think, as everyone can do metas explaining viewpoint here and there.

But what seems to happen in the ship wars (that involve multiple Levi x whoever character ships, but NOT all shippers in them) is that 99% of the slandering over LH is done by the darker and loudest set of people within the multitude of Levi-X ships, and they are fueled by pure disgust, hate, and the simple evil intention to mock us to protect their ship. To do this, they purposefully pick the things that are special or fun to us, and twisted them in horrible ways that make us seem lunatic to the whole AOT fandom! And also, there are always some non-shippers that just hate AOT in general now, and they just like to increase the chaos between shippers because it seems fun as hell to them. (*sigh*)

Like, something pretty SIMPLE that caused an uproar of Levihan slandering: the mercha rings fun we had joking that Levi and Hange had married and all, playfully saying that they were canon, turned out a weapon in their hands to say we are "so obsessed and desperate to force they canon". And it escalated until they settled down after getting their own mercha promo where it shows Levi's and Erwin’s rings in the same hand of a person. And then they stated they were canon!

I laughed so hard because this part of the AOT fandom is crazy haha

We all know that merchandise is pure SHIP BAIT to attract money for their sales, so our plays and jokes and fun with them is supposed to be just this: WE ARE HAVING FUN! So why when it's the LHs enjoying these silly things, we are the crazy, the dummies, the stupids ones, but when other ships do it it's okay, and cute, and CANON proof? LOL

God, there are so many clowns in this fandom!! And as you said, they just like to heat things up because there is nothing else to do in their lives!

Now about canon stuff:

After seen so many attacks on social media these past months (I had no idea things were this bad), there was a time when I've even questioned myself if I was reading too much into Levi and Hans' bond. But I concluded that fuck it - if 10 years having each other's back through thick and thin and going through life and death situations doesn't make an amazing solid bond between people, nothing.else.does.

And about what you pointed out that this group of dishonest shippers claim: fuck it too LOL! Levi wasn't drawn saying a mere "thank you", but he said "I know you" and gave her all his support in her decision to go try to stop a planetary annihilation; and in the plane scene, Levi could barely walk properly and stand up but he still tried to stop Hans from marching to her certain death, and we saw the light dying out of his eyes when he had to let her go, and then he put his fist over her heart and for the first time in their life said, "Dedicate your heart".

Just remembering this is making my eyes watering already, but as if this isn't enough, Isym also showed Levi couldn't even look at Hans fighting the Colossals, nor her death, and in another display of a first time in Levi's life, he says a "Later" farewell and asks her to "keep watching." Then, while Levi is shown broken in chapters 133, 136, 139, Hans is suddenly shown beautifully drawn in precious panels in the 2 laters, especially in 136 where her face has a close-up, and she is alive and happy, lively inspiring Levi and the campfire group with dreams of a world free of horrors while being the focus of everyone's eyes! And from these memories with her and the others, Levi renewed his will to keep fighting amidst his horrible condition from these moments because if the world went to full hell, it wouldn't have been worth the heart she also devoted!!

So yeah - what is a simple "thank you" (and these whatever biased treatments that these share of troublemakers imagine) compared to all of this????

------

Now being more rational in this chaotic situation of ships in AOT:

Sorry if this will sound a bit of a down point, but for ALL shippers in this freaking fandom (me included), it's also important to remember that the core of AOT story is not to be a freaking shoujo manga.

In fact, nearly all canon romantic relationships had horrible nuances: Carla being eaten by Grisha's 1st wife, the girlfriend doing CPR in the body of her half-eaten boyfriend during Trost attack, Ymir being eaten by Galliard while Historia was forced to get pregnant, Ymir the Founder in love obsessed with King Fritz for 2000 years, Dina tortured and being turned into a titan in front of Grisha, Ksaver’s wife slitting her own son's throat and then killing herself, and Mikasa kissed the decapitated head of the love of her life after being forced to kill him bc he not only wanted to exterminate the Titans (freeing Ymir) but because he also wanted to flatten 100% of the Earth and let it full of carrion-fattened insects.

So if anything, Isym made sure to depict friendship and fellowship love as the best thing in life! Which, no matter what people say, the canon has enough material to at least prove this existed between ALL SC veteran members!

And lastly, a particular lesson I've learned being active in fandom these months is that moments of utmost frustration can make us feel things too deeply, and regret a lot of things later...

So, as we still have the freedom to see romance where we want, So let's just enjoy what we have healthfully, and keep dedicating our hearts to appreciate these characters that give us so much love in life!! Even though it cannot be screamed as canon (w/o slandering), Levihans can pick up its fair share of hints of beautiful, fun, and non-traumatizing tropes of romantic love from the main manga, anime, and side materials with heart at ease!

And sorry for the essay LOL

Dedicate your heart!

#answering devoted hearts #sorry for the essay LOL #I'm terrible hahaha

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 3 years ago

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As you all may know, my mother is on a ventilator for covid 19. She didn’t believe in covid. I tried to tell her but she didn’t believe it. She tried to tell me some kind of Qanon bologne when I’d try to tell her. I would give anything to have more time with my mother. There is some signs of improvement in her feeling better but I am not wanting to become too hopeful. She was on the phone with one of my elder sisters for six minutes rather than two the other day. She was angry at her for letting her kids come in to her house knowing they had covid.

I’m very angry at her doctor who told her she didn’t need the covid shot, in fact just telling her she is healthy. She has a small body frame and is on the shorter side but weighs nearly three hundred pounds and struggles to get around. She’s 59 years old and works as a nurse at a nursing home and works way too hard on minimum wage, has given birth to six children, has always had asthma and is prone to bronchitis and pneumonia. She’s a prime candidate for covid, in fact she is who I thought about the day I remember reading about covid. It’s like this disease was designed to kill my mother.

They sent her to southern Idaho for a ventilator. She is lucky to get one. They’ve run out in many of these red states that didn’t take covid seriously enough. It does not bring me any joy that right wingers and people who didn’t believe in the shot are dying. I’ve had liberal friends say over simplistic things about people from red states getting what’s coming to them and so forth, and people have rejoiced at the idea of trump supporters getting sick and suffering and dying.

I am left leaning, but I never want to get so caught up in my political ego that I eradicate any notion of humanity to the people I don’t agree with or might not even like. Their pain and lives are real and legitimate as anyone else’s. Their families matter too. They are wrong, my mother is wrong. She’s been backwards about a lot of the world my whole life.

But she’s also a very kind person. She is always giving to people and has contradictory, while supporting a fucking horrible president, also put up for and fought her job because of racism she was seeing all around her. She doesn’t really think like a conservative and her way of approaching life didn’t really ever reflect a deeper conservative value or drive. I’ve noticed other conservatives never liked her.

She believed the wrong things because she was driven by religious faith and loneliness to believe the rabbit hole of alt right Facebook. She doesn’t have much of an education, was bullied and abused for most of her childhood. she went to over twenty different schools and moved a lot throughout her childhood. She got married and started having children very young. She always worked as a bartender, or as a caretaker to children with disabilities or elderly folk. She barely understood the internet. She believed in god and joined religious groups on Facebook very open and blindly without even understanding propaganda or the political climate of what is being fought for, which pretty much took her down this poisonous road. And now she’s barely able to talk in an icu all alone, as this virus that she didn’t believe in tries to kill her.

Moving to the city and always being left leaning, but being from a rural area of the inland north west, where I was outnumbered and lived amongst these folk who didn’t like me all that much but I was always having to find ways to accept and understand sometimes gives me a perspective perhaps that maybe liberal kids from middle class families from liberal cities have missed out on. I will never be able to see it as black and white. It would be easy to just say that the people in Bible Belt areas deserve this and be rid of any sadness or guilt. I was disgusted by the anti intellectualism I was surrounded by and I lived for most of my twenties in my own world to avoid it when I was growing up and lived in my home state which is fairly red. But people are the same everywhere. They really are.

Her recovery is slow and I worry something terrible is happening to her organs and lungs as she has fights for her life. I hope her body is strong enough to keep fighting. I appreciate the care and labor and sacrifice the hospitals have given to keep people alive. There is so much anguish. We have lost a mural of so many wonderful and beautiful souls to covid. It’s hard to even fathom the grief and pain it’s left in its wake. I can barely cope with my own.

I took a walk today to think. I haven’t wanted to listen to music in a long while because my mood is on my mother’s condition, but I put in John Prine. He was one of the first people to die of covid that I cared about, albeit indirectly as I only know him through his songs. I had a ticket to go see him play before covid took his life. It was going to be small and intimate outdoor concert in town. His music was always so real and down to earth. He sings about the quiet sad things of getting old and the way that love is about the daily existence with other people. How you build and cope with things.

One of his last songs on the album before he died was about how science has no business tinkering with nature. It’s so genuine. And ironic. Not everyone shares this belief, but I think that the covid flu was made in a lab and someone made a mistake and let it out into the public. I believe it was just human error in Wuhan. Nobody, no government or anything wanted this. And the Chinese government did everything they could to avoid fessing up to the mistake. So the idea of a lab grown virus being what killed John Prine kind of hurts in a way, though he also often sang about being comfortable with death and having peace with a life that was happy.

There are countless people I could blame for my mother’s disease. I could blame the dystopian Chinese government and their inability to admit fault, I could blame our government and our long-standing capitalist system that monetary prioritizes gain over human life, I could blame my mother’s cruel upbringing for not giving her the tools she needed to make wise choices about the world around her, or she herself for not taking care of her body. I could blame her mother and father and brothers.

I could blame my sisters kids for their lack of consideration of what covid would do to my mother’s health knowing she was high risk, or my eldest sister herself for being lazy and letting them go to my moms house knowingly.

I could blame some mentally unwell woman named Susan who my mother might have vaguely known for inviting her to a Facebook group of hate and conspiracy, or blame the nuns who drove religion into my mother’s head as a child. I could blame the easy to punch Ted Cruz or Tucker Carleson or any of the right wing mouth pieces for spreading lies and misinformation to the people they are supposedly speaking up for on behalf of about covid. I could blame it on our artificially based two party system that prevents real discussion from ever happening.

In the end, there is a myriad of things I could blame. So many pieces to the puzzle I could write volumes. But it doesn’t change where we are at now. And I have little control of the world around me. Or what made it that way. It’s disappointing. And in a way, John Prine has that message too. I’m just sad. I try to remember that my mom of the many people I have known was very accepting of death. Maybe it’s because she’s a person of faith, but she has a practical dark humor about her too that makes her accept it. I know she wouldn’t want me to be sad, but I am all the same.

It’s happened at this point where I am genuinely feeling my age and kind of at a crossroads in who I am as a person and what I want to do. I’ll talk about that some other time though. There is only so much a person can read.

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maliby · 4 years ago

Text

When The Night Comes | CH. 3

↬ Pairing: Jimin x Reader | Taehyung x Reader

↬ Story Genre: smut, angst, vampire!au

↬ Warnings in this chapter: blood, explicit language, smut

↬ Word count: 4.9K

↬ Summary: Your school has two courses: the day course, and the night course. Rules say that it’s strictly forbidden for both courses to interact but can you really follow the rules when you see the same eyes that have been showing up in your dreams for months on a mysterious hot guy from the night course?

A/N: tag list below, if you want to be tagged feel free to ask <3

“Wake up,” you jolted up from your fortress of blankets to an alluring voice whispering on your left ear.

“Who’s there?” you asked looking around the dark room. Your sleepy eyes were having trouble focusing but nonetheless you were able to see a dark figure right in front of you which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“Don’t be scared, it’s just me,” you immediately screamed as your eyes adjusted to the darkness and spotted the red eyes and hair of your intruder.

“Don’t worry love, I’m not going to hurt you.” Taehyung came closer to you, his hand reaching for your cheek to caress it. “I could never hurt you...that is, of course, unless you ask for it.”

His evil smirk made your instincts kick in and make you want to get away from him, but your body wasn’t giving in. It was like it wanted nothing more than to receive his affection and the danger that came along with him.

Suddenly, you remembered your roommate Yujin was sleeping in the same room as you and couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread coming over you at the potential hazard that would arise if she woke up and saw Taehyung.

“Y-yujin,” you pointed out.

“Don’t worry love, I concealed us from her. She won’t hear or see a thing…” And then his lips were on your neck, kissing and sucking as tiny moans left your mouth.

You should be getting away, you should be screaming, you should be pushing him away, but you wouldn’t. This man had deceived you so you could give him your blood, he had lied to you and tricked you, he was dangerous and yet you couldn’t help but get wet by his touch and you hated yourself for it.

“Why can’t I say no to you? Stop using your supernatural powers on me,” you said, trying to come up with an explanation as to why you couldn’t stop him.

“You think I’m using my powers on you love? I’m offended,” he chuckled. “You better believe that when I have a girl it’s because she wants me to have her, and you…” his hand travelled down your body and entered your pyjama pants and underwear, massaging your lips and clit, “are dying to have me inside you.”

“Fuck,” your hand reached for his arm as a reflex, not really expecting to find such toned biceps underneath his studded leather jacket.

“Am I making you curse now? I love corrupting good girls…” his nose was moving through your neck as he inhaled deeply, probably getting a good whiff off his meal. Soon, his sharp fangs were scrapping through your neck. It seemed like every move of his was made with the intention of luring you into his web of seduction - he started at the nape of your neck, slowly going up, probably leaving red streaks on your neck, as his finger smoothly glided from your entrance all the way up to your clit. It was like it was designed to make you fall, the climax being when he bit your lower lip with one of his fangs and entered you with his 2 long digits.

“Oh my-”

“Scream it louder love, he can’t hear you,” his fingers started pumping into you faster as if encouraging you to let go.

“Fuck yes,” you screamed, your brain not registering what he meant by ‘he’. Was it Jimin?

“I love the way your tight little pussy is clenching around my fingers,” his velvety voice was like fuel to the fire, rilling you up even more. “I can just imagine how good it must feel to have you squeezing around my cock.”

When you thought it couldn’t get any better, Taehyung’s other fingers reached your clit and started rubbing circles on it, making you go completely wild.

“Mmmm,” you moaned through your shut lips, trying hard not to make a noise. Yujin couldn’t hear you, but that didn’t mean the people in the other rooms also couldn’t.

“Scream my name for me love and I’ll let you cum.”

You couldn’t think about what was happening anymore. You couldn’t think about the fact that this vampire was here in your room after he had tricked you. You couldn’t think about all of the dangers. All you could think about was that you wanted to cream his fucking fingers and scream his name. “Taehyung…”

“That’s it love, let them all hear. Let him hear.”

You were in a trance, his smooth voice and long fingers guiding you to your sweet release. You could feel it building up. You could feel your walls clenching tight, ready to let go, but just as you were about to cum you woke up.

You frantically got up and looked around the room - only Yujin was there. You sighed. It was just a dream.

Being aware of your current state of arousal you couldn’t help but hide your face in your hands - the freshly healed cut on your hand throbbing in unison with your pussy. You plonked back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Was this your life now? Dreaming about hot vampire boys? You wouldn’t mind if it was a harmless sex dream, but seeing as the protagonist of that dream had, just the night before, tricked you into giving him your blood just so he could track you things were a little different.

You looked outside the window that stood on the opposite wall of where the beds were and noticed the absence of the silver moon in the sky. You sighed. You hated when it was the new moon. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but you felt like it had to do with the fact that everything felt much darker.

Your mind reverted back to Jimin. Why was he so pissed that Taehyung had drunk your blood? You were glad that he was worried about you but the fact was that he barely knows you. Why was a vampire so worried about the fact that another vampire has fed on someone? He didn’t seem to mind the affairs going on in the hangout place of the nightwing, so why was he so worried about you?

Your thoughts started to subside and soon sleep started to take over you. As the leaves of the trees outside danced around in the wind, your eyes started to close shut. You nuzzled your cheek on your pillow and sunk under, oblivious to the pair of silver eyes watching over you in the trees.

------------------ 1 week later -------------------

You read the text your friend Lisa had sent you out loud so your roommate Yujin could hear it.

Lisa McGuire

Get to the cafeteria now!!! You won’t believe what happened!

When it came to getting ready, you and Yujin were one and the same - you were always late. You both liked to take your time doing things, especially in the shower. Since you were getting ready to have breakfast and not to go straight to class you both felt in less of a rush, but your friend’s message surely intrigued both of you.

“What could it be?” Your friend asked as she quickly applied mascara to her already long lashes.

“Knowing Lisa? It’s probably about a boy.” You finished brushing your hair and placed down the brush, now being fully ready.

“You think she’s already over that Chanyeol boy she hooked up with last week or she secretly sneaked into the nightwing to have sex with him?” Yujin placed her mascara back in her little cup and made her way to her bed so she could pick up her bag and join you.

“I truly don’t know…” You hoped it wasn’t the latter. Chanyeol was Taehyung’s friend, and if he helped him pull his little stunt where he ‘made you’ give him his blood then he was just as bad as the vampire with the red hair.

When you and your roommate spotted your group of friends in the cafeteria you felt your whole world shake. They had company, someone that was currently biting Lisa’s earlobe making her giggle. Someone that made your blood freeze over.

“Oh my god-” Yujin interjected.

”Lisa!” You called in a volume way louder than your normal register, getting the attention of everyone around you, including all of your friends.

“Y/N! Yujin! Look, it’s Chanyeol!” She happily pointed at the boy sitting next to her with a huge grin. Just the look on his face was making you physically sick.

“What is he doing here?! Isn’t he from the night course?” You tried not to sound too angry, but you just couldn’t help it.

“A portion of the night course moved to the day course and Chanyeol was picked!” If she noticed the level of aggression in your tone she didn’t let it show, being really excited about the boy with the silver hair’s presence.

After registering her words you looked around the cafeteria and noticed several people wearing the characteristic navy blue uniform of the night course - dread soon took over your whole body. If Chanyeol was here then...was Taehyung also here?

“He didn’t come,” the man with the deep voice said as if reading your mind. You turned your head back to your own group and couldn’t help but feel the creeps at the smirk he had on his face.

“Who’s he? And...you know each other? Y/N you never told me!” Lisa looked between the two of you all confused. She was probably upset that you had pretended like you didn’t know him all the times she gushed about him.

“We met through a mutual friend.” Chanyeol broke eye contact with you to look back at Lisa, but you couldn’t stop looking at him. You needed answers on what the hell was going on and you needed them now.

“Oh my god! Is it the mysterious hot guy?” Lisa interrogated her crush before she turned back to you. “Y/N you didn’t tell us you finally got together with him!”

“Mysterious hot g-”

“Yes!” You interrupted Chanyeol before he could question Lisa further. You couldn’t have them know about Taehyung, it was way too dangerous. “I was with him at the Halloween party.” Technically you weren’t lying, you were with Jimin at the Halloween party.

“Oh my god! And you kept that a secret?! What happened?” Eunbin who was currently spreading strawberry jam on her toast asked.

“I-” You were struggling with what to say, especially because Chanyeol was right in front of you. You looked straight at him and quickly got annoyed - he was enjoying this. He certainly was Taehyung’s friend.

“Good morning,” a voice you recognized perfectly said from behind you, saving you from this embarrassing moment - it was Jimin. Your eyes, that were looking straight at Chanyeol, noticed how he immediately changed demeanour, the smug on his face disappearing and his head hanging low as if he was submitting. Weird, you thought.

You turned around and there he was. His dark hair softly hanging across his features, his (now) brown eyes that you knew oh so well looking straight at you, his soft plump lips making your heart skip a beat, and the way his navy blue uniform hugged his lean and fit body making your thighs squeeze harder. You know he noticed the way you were ogling him up and down because his soft neutral expression quickly turned into a teasing one, a little chuckle leaving his perfect set of lips.

“I’m sorry to take you from your friends but, would you mind having breakfast with me today? I’d really like to talk to you.”

The way all of your friends gasped at his request made you embarrassed beyond belief, but the worst was when Lisa decided to respond instead of you. “Of course she will!”

You turned to your friend to give her a menacing look that failed to intimidate her, a wink being all you got in response. You glanced over at Chanyeol and his eyes were still on his lap, making you question their dynamics. You wondered for a second if you should ask Jimin about it but then you remembered that he was still waiting for your response.

“Sure,” you ignored your friend’s excited faces and joined Jimin, being terrified to look back for just a second.

“Find a table, I’ll just go and get my breakfast and then I’ll join you,” you turned to leave, but the cold hand he placed around your arm stopped you.

“No need, I got it for you,” he lifted up his tray filled with food making your eyes double in size at all the food he had there. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got a bit of everything.”

“Oh,” you interjected feeling touched at his gesture. “You didn’t have to.”

“No, I didn’t. But I wanted to.”

You two stayed silent for a moment, a blush creeping up on your cheeks until Jimin found an empty table and signalled you to sit down.

You were feeling kind of nervous if you were being honest. You hadn’t heard anything from Jimin since the incident at the Halloween party. He had taken you back to your room but had said little to no words, making you think he was somehow angry at you. But the fact that he was being so nice right now kind of calmed you down.

Looking down at the tray of food you noticed your usual Oreos were missing. But, as the number 1 Oreo fan, you always carried a little package with you, so you reached for your bag and picked up the package so you can dip the cookies in your milk.

Jimin chuckled. “I didn’t realize I was having breakfast with a child. I’m sorry, I’ll get your cookies next time,” he joked.

“Hey! It’s really good okay? Don’t judge me,” you stuffed your mouth with the first Oreo dipped in milk and hummed in approval, Jimin finding your behaviour amusing.

He lifted up his hands in defence and apologized. “I’m sorry, I promise not to make fun of the Cookie Monster anymore!”

You laughed, choking up on the Oreo a bit.

The mood between you and Jimin had never been this light before, a form of tension always being present, but you must admit that you really enjoyed it. Then your mind went back to that Halloween party again and the tension grew once more.

“I’m sorry,” you picked up another oreo and dipped it in your glass of milk, avoiding his gaze.

“For what?” You could tell from his tone of voice that he was confused at your sudden apology.

“For giving my blood to Taehyung…”

You weren’t looking at his face but you saw him clench his fists, giving you a strange feeling in your chest.

“It’s not your fault. I should have been there to protect you.” You looked up at him in shock, but he averted your gaze, looking away into nothingness. It was as if he was being transported to that moment, his jaw locked tight. Why was he blaming himself?

“Jimin, you couldn’t have known…” You cleaned your fingers on your napkin and placed your hand on top of his cold one, immediately feeling something similar to a spike of electricity running through the skin that was in contact with him.

He didn’t answer.

Jimin’s eyes locked with yours for an instant, and as much as you tried to decipher his emotions you couldn’t.

“So,” you removed your hand from on top of his and picked up another Oreo, getting ready to dunk it in your glass of milk, “why did people from the night course change to the day course?” You asked, trying to change the subject and lighten up the mood again.

“The director liked how well the Halloween party went and how the students from both courses seemed to get along, so he came up with this little one-way exchange program.”

You didn’t know why but you had a feeling Jimin wasn’t telling you the truth. Not only did his answer seem rehearsed but the university had been structured like this since 2 years ago when you first enlisted and not once had the director showed this much interest in the two courses socializing. Something fishy was going on but you decided not to press Jimin any further on that matter.

“Does the director know that you’re-”

“Vampires?” He whispered with a teasing expression, seeming to poke fun at the way you got embarrassed to say the word. “Yes.”

“And is he...is Taehyung also going to be around here during the day?” You really didn’t want to bring Taehyung back into the conversation but the thought hadn’t left your mind since you first learned some vampires were transferred and for your own peace of mind, you had to ask.

“Don’t worry, I made sure that worthless rat wouldn’t step his feet in here. You’re safe.”

You couldn’t help but release the breath you now realized were holding. Since the incident, your dreams had been filled with what you would describe as pure porn, all of which involved Taehyung. What bothered you most was how realistic the dreams were. Like you woke up and you could still feel his teeth sinking into your skin and his long cold fingers playing with your pussy. At first, you thought your mind was just acting upon you being around sexy men so often, but for the last couple of days, you’ve begun to wonder if it’s some side effect of you giving him your blood. You wanted to ask somebody who could answer you, but there was no way in hell you were about to tell Jimin you’ve been having erotic dreams with Taehyung. He already despised the guy and seemed to hate even you just mentioning him, much less this.

“Have you been sleeping well?” Jimin asked in a soft voice as if reading your thoughts. You now realized you had spaced out on him, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Hum...yes,” you answered in a not so affirmative tone. “Why do you ask? Do I-?” As on a reflex, you let go of your Oreo and touched your eye bags, wondering if your concealer wasn’t doing a good enough job.

He chuckled. “You look great cara mia, don’t worry,” his hand reached for your cheek and you couldn’t help but feel your whole body burning up. How could it not, when a man that looked like he was carved into perfection was complementing you in a foreign language?

The sweet gesture didn’t last long though, him getting his hand back on the table and clearing his throat. “I was just worried because of the events of last week. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” this time his voice was more serious, giving you whiplash. No matter how much time you spent with Jimin, his hot and cold persona was something you found difficult to deal with.

“Don’t worry Jimin,” you reassured him which seemed to ease up his mind.

As you downed your glass of milk - having finished all your Oreos - you noticed your group of friends passing right by you, Lisa holding hands with Chanyeol, and you couldn’t help but worry for her.

“Hey Jimin, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Is he a bad guy?” You pointed to the man with the silver hair currently grabbing your friend’s ass, feeling your chest tighten at their interactions.

“You’re worried about your friend?”

“Yeah…” you trailed off.

“I think that all you need to worry about is that he may be a womanizer. Other than that...he’s not gonna eat her,” his sincere and warm smile ease up your mind.

“I never thought I’d have this response at someone being a womanizer but thank god,” you sighed in relief.

Your response made Jimin laugh and you found that you liked him best like this, his eyes turned into crescent moons and his beautiful smile on display.

“Well then, shall we go to class? I hear Mr Moon is a pain in the ass.”

“You’re in my class?!” Your eyes doubled up in size at the revelation. You hadn’t even thought of the possibility of him being in your class.

“Mhm,” he nodded, his teasing expression back on his face.

Well, if you had trouble paying attention in class before then you really were in trouble now.

Jimin was annoying. Not only did he know the answer to every fucking question the teachers asked him, but he also had the audacity to look like a fucking god sent from up above while doing it.

He sat at the back of the class, probably trying to avoid attention, but the truth of it was that most girls (and even some guys) spent the whole class looking at him. There was just no way you could not when he was sitting there, leaned back, gaze focused on the teacher spinning a pen so effortlessly between his fingers.

The way you spent your time in class went straight from doodling random things on your notebook to drawing full on portraits of Jimin. You just couldn’t help it. You were looking straight at his profile and when you came to it you were already halfway through your drawing.

“Miss Y/N,” professor Moon called, interrupting the shading process of Jimin’s voluptuous lips. “Would you mind paying attention to the class or am I bothering your drawing time of your new colleague Jimin?”

You choked. Everyone was laughing at you and you could swear you’ve never felt more embarrassed before in your life. Then you looked at Jimin and he had an amusing smug on his face. Nope. Scratch that. This was the most embarrassing moment in your life.

“I-I’m sorry,” you looked down and quickly turned the page to a blank one, trying to show him your commitment to the class.

“Don’t let it happen again. Alright everybody, the show’s over. I want everyone doing exercise number 15, you have 5 minutes!” He broke his gaze from you and went to sit back on his desk, waiting for the whole class to finish the exercise.

You sneakingly tried to look at Jimin again and noticed he was still smirking. You quickly turned your head to look for exercise 15, feeling your cheeks burning up. How were you supposed to look at Jimin ever again in your life? You were gonna have to move schools, you simply had no choice.

“Alright class, see you Monday. Don’t forget to do exercises 16 to 20 for homework!” Mr Moon recalled after the bell rang and everyone started to pack up their things.

You were dreading this moment. You hadn’t looked at Jimin ever since the professor had called you out. You had passed a little piece of paper to Lisa begging her to stay with you at the end of the class to save you from further embarrassment, but you felt the evil sting of betrayal as you saw her and your friends promptly leave class with an evil smile on their faces.

They were sooo gonna pay for this, you thought.

“Can I see it?”

You felt his presence behind you even before he spoke u, his teasing voice making you dread the next minutes. Was there a way the whole floor could swallow you right now and save you from this moment?

“Jimin you scared me,” you fake jumped, hoping it would distract him from his original intentions.

You failed.

“I’m sorry. Can I see it?” He repeated, the smug on his face never dissolving. He was onto you.

“S-see what?” You closed your notebook and tried to put it inside your bag, his palm pressing it to the table, making it hard for you to store it.

“The drawing you made of me.” The way he almost sang those words really pissed you off. He was enjoying this.

“It’s...it’s really not good…” you trailed off, half saying what you really thought, half expecting him to not want to see it anymore.

“Don’t doubt yourself like that, I’m sure it’s great.”

You felt warmth spread through your chest. How could you say no to him after that? How dare he be so confident in your skills?

Giving a sigh of defeat you lightly swatted his hand so he could move it out of the way and opened the notebook, quickly flipping through the pages until you reached the object of your embarrassment.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even make a sound. He picked up your notebook and just observed from up close. The expression on his face was unreadable, he seemed to be lost in thought and you were terrified that he didn’t like the drawing. Worse, you were terrified he thought you were a creep.

“See…” you said in a small voice while taking the notebook out of his hands, “I told you it wasn’t good.”

Your words seemed to wake Jimin up from his dazed state, his eyes looking straight at you. “Y/N, that is amazing.”

“R-Really?”

As in most cases, you were your biggest critic. No matter how much your friends told you how good your drawings were, you always found it in yourself to think that they were absolute crap. Usually, your friends’ complements only managed to raise your opinions of your drawings up by a little bit, but something about Jimin made you feel that much more confident in your art. You didn’t know what it was, but you liked the feeling he was giving you.

“Really.”

The way the crescent moons appeared on his eyes as he smiled at you made your heart skip a beat and you were damn sure you were probably blushing again.

“But next time, try to pay attention in class,” he got closer to you and whispered in your ear: “For as much as I love having you stare at me during the whole lecture, I’d hate to be the one responsible for your poor grades.”

You couldn’t move.

Jimin’s cologne and the way his saccharine and enticing voice had delivered that teasing line had completely paralyzed you. All you could do was watch as he winked at you and turned to leave, his perfect ass filling out that navy uniform.

“Come on cara mia, you’re gonna be late for the next class.”

How in the world were you supposed to not stare at him?

“Nice to see you again, love.”

You jumped up from underneath the safety of your blankets and immediately spotted the man with the fire-like hair sitting at the foot of your bed, red silky shirt halfway opened.

You were dreaming again.

This was just what you didn’t need. After spending a lovely day bonding with Jimin and your friends you had, for the first time that week, been able to forget about your sinful dreams with Taehyung. So, when you went to sleep that night you didn’t even dread to close your eyes (like the previous nights) because Jimin was the only thing on your mind. Now, though, that you were seeing Taehyung’s dream form right in front of you you felt weirder than usual; you felt like you were somehow cheating on Jimin, even though you weren’t even dating.

Without saying anything you simply lay back in bed and covered your head with your blankets, hoping he would just vanish.

It took everything in you to deny him right now, especially with that shirt he was wearing, but you had to put your foot down. At the end of the day, he was no good, no matter how hot he looked.

“Are you ignoring me love?” You felt the mattress dip closer to you and soon enough, his hand was running over your leg on top of the layer of blankets. “Mmmh...could it be that lover boy finally made his move?”

Your eyes shot wide open, your head peeking out of the blankets to look at him. Was he talking about Jimin? “What are you talking about?”

“He doesn’t know what you want love,” he continued trailing up his hand until it reached your neck completely ignoring your question. “What you truly need,” he then mounted you, his hand firmly grabbing your neck but not squeezing, completely asserting his dominance over you and you immediately felt your panties getting wet.

You were starting to cave to the sex appeal of the man on top of you. Suddenly your thoughts were fuzzy and your thighs were rubbing up against each other, making Taehyung smirk.

His mouth got near your neck and you felt a chill run up your spine as his breath hit your skin. “I know you can’t resist me,” he licked your neck and by the way his head suddenly moved back and the hand on your neck made you move your head to your right you knew he was about to bite you.

Suddenly a scream coming from the next-door room woke you up - it was Lisa and Eunbin’s room. You turned to your left to look at Yujin and she too had woken up. “Was that screaming?”

“I heard it too, I think it’s coming from Lisa and Eunbin’s room,” Yujin confirmed as she quickly got out of bed and put on her slippers, you following her suit.

You two rapidly made your way to the room next door but immediately stopped as you noticed Eunbin’s figure standing completely still at the entrance of the room.

“What happened? Is everything alright?” You asked as both you and your roommate entered the room walking past a petrified Eunbin.

The sight in front of you completely terrified you - Chanyeol was feeding off of Lisa’s neck, rivers of blood running down her chest.

“V-vampire,” Eunbin stuttered.

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themadauthorshatter · 3 years ago

Text

It's been a while since we last checked on Flippy, so let's see how he's doing!

We start with Cuddles this time, who's sitting upside down on a bench when Petunia and Flaky approach him, asking if he's seen Flippy anywhere.

He has not, because he thought Flippy was with Petunia.

Petunia folds her arms and asks why Flippy would be with her for about a half to a week and a half, and Cuddles shrugs; maybe they got REALLY intimate and just needed all of that time together.

Flaky squeals, because it's dirty, and Petunia tells him to get his mind out of the gutter because this is crazy serious.

Cuddles gets up and relentls and asks if they stopped by his house.

They did, and he wasn't there.

Did they check the woods?

Not there either.

The GYM?

He doesn't even BELIEVE in going to the Gym, most days; why GO to a place to workout when you have the equipment at your house or just outside in general?

Cuddles finally realizes that Flippy's MISSING missing, and gets up, joining the girls with finding their friend.

Flaky hopes that Flippy's okay, but Cuddles assures her that he's smart, he wouldn't do anything stupid like run away.

Funny he say that because Flippy IS doing something stupid, staring at a projector that's showing a bunch of war footage, like pictures that NO AVERAGE PERSON should see.

Splendid cringes as turns a small dial on an IV line and watches Flippy struggle to both handle the medicine that's being pumped into him and not flip out.

Thankfully, all that happens is that he vomits in a bucket.

Splenedid stops the medicine and hands Flippy some water, asking if he's really okay with continuing; they've been at this for a while and they're making very debatable progress.

Flippy washes his mouth out and nods. He can keep going.

Splendid hestitately changes the image to a collage of very familiar faces:

Tiger General, Sneaky, and Mouse Ka-Boom.

Flippy gasps at seeing them and asks how the hell Splendid got these pictures.

Splendid admits it was a simple internet search, because people spread information around like it's a puff puff pass, especially if said information is a tragedy and a victory. He can give Flippy a few minutes, if he needs it.

Flippy only takes a few seconds seeing the faces of his dead partners and nods.

Splendid gets the IV and medicine going again and Flippy takes a few deep breaths as what I call the "Make Me Sick" medicine(MMS for short)(if MMS is a real thing, I deeply and sincerely apologize. I know there's a name for the drug/"medicine" used for aversion therapy, but I forgot it🙏🙏🙏) runs through his system. TV perspective, his eyes dart between Mouse Ka-Boom and Sneaky and he sees old memories of the three in training, i.e. standing still while a drill sergeant yells in their faces and/or tries to make them laugh, having a meal together, goofing around before bed, and even comforting each other after getting tased and pepper sprayed as a part of training.

Flippy's eyes go 'killer instinct-y' and he fights a gag as he remembers how they all promised to meet again once they were out of the army, and how both looked at him with shock, sorrow, and betrayal because of how he accidentally killed them.

The memories change to taking on Tiger General 1v1, how he had to fend for himself, got his hands removed, and was almost strangled to death until he ultimately came out on top amd took down the rest of the enemy base.

When I say he vomits, I mean he VOMITS until there's nothing left to get out of his system and he's dry heaving.

Splendid quickly turns off the projector and gets Flippy off the IV, though the veteran tells him he can take more, he just needs a few minutes.

Splendid, however, tells him to call it a day; they've been at this for hours and he's already making phenomenal progress; of course Splendid is not going to TEST it right now because his friend just threw up all of his digestive system.

Flippy sighs and agrees, relinquishing for the day.

Splendid helps him up and asks if he's okay to walk home and Flippy states he's fine; he just wants to go shower and clean himself up after throwing up so much.

The two bid their farewells and Flippy begins a very uneasy walk home.

A bit of context: it's been a week or so since the last part and they've been doing this all day everyday since then, from dawn to dusk, and today they started around MAYBE 4 am in the morning and it is now 12 or 1 pm in the afternoon, so yeah it's time for the Flipster to go home and rest.

Back on track, Flippy's not exactly the best because he needs to get the vomit taste out of his mouth and just feels like crap, so he takes a shortcut home.

He gets there relatively fast and flops onto the couch and falls asleep, exhausted.

He dreams he's with Sneaky and Mouse Ka-Boom, all three playing a mix of Spades and Poker, Sneaky and Flippy speaking in english before translating for Mouse Ka-Boom to understand them; yes, Mouse Ka-Boom speaks french. He understands English well enough, but isn't the best at speaking it, aside from, 'Sir, yes, sir,' 'Sir, no, sir,' and a few insults he picked up from Flippy on accident; he may or may not have gotten the three in trouble because he repeated one of these insults in front of a commanding officer.

Regardless, the three are having a good time before Sneaky asks Flippy a question: How did it feel to throw that knife at him rather than the General? Did he enjoy it? Did he hate Sneaky that much he had to throw a KNIFE through his chest?

Flippy deflates and clarifies that he did not mean to miss the General; it was a heat of the moment thing and he's, admittedly, not good under stress.

Mouse Ka-Boom lowers his cards and asks if cutting him in half was another 'heat of the moment thing,' along with getting them both blown to smithereens.

They change before Flippy's eyes, both mangles and burnt, and Flippy leaves the table, backing away from them.

That is until a hand claps on his shoulder and his own voice tells him to admit that he actually did enjoy killing his friends; it's what he's been trained to do, so what better way to see the reward of all that effort?

Flippy turns and sees himself, who demands he admit it, admit that he's never going to change, that he won't let himself because not only does he like it, he also wants to go back to fighting and wants out of Splendid's Aversion therapy.

Flippy barely gets a word out because his other self tackles him to the ground and starts to choke him, calling him weak, a liar, and a coward, saying he should've died on that mission, not Sneaky or Mouse Ka-Boom.

Speaking of which, the two appear and grab both of Flippy's arms, holding him while he's practically being strangled again.

It gets worse when his other self turns into Tiger General, who laughs that he wouldn't be surprised by such an admission because it took Flippy how many tries to kill him. Might as well return the favor.

Flippy, breathless and trying to break free screams out and wakes up on the floor, though he gets up and runs to the kitchen sink, where he dry heaves and coughs up spit.

He stops after a while and sits against the cabinets, having regrets about the choice to go along with Splendid's idea.

These regrets linger as he walks outside the next day, catching a toy Cub dropeed while and Pop are on a stroll, though Cub is in a wagon.

They walk off, Pop thanking Flippy, and Flippy gets a surprise attack hug from Flaky, who's close to tears because he's been missing.

Cuddles, Giggles, and Petunia also approach, asking where the hell he disappeared to, because they've been looking all over for him.

Flippy apologizes for worrying them and straight up lies, saying he just left town for a little bit to enjoy some quiet time; and to restock on his medicine as soon as he could because he ran out.

Cuddles still lightly punches Flippy on the arm and tells him not to scare them like that again, or they'll put him on a harness or walk around with him in a wagon.

With Flaky now piggybacking him, Flippy muses that it sounds tempting, because he could see everyone getting some excerise because of it.

The group laugh it off and start toward a diner, because they all skipped breakfast and lunch on accident.

Flippy decides to join them, having NOT skipped breakfast, and they head to the diner.

On his back, Flaky asks Flippy if he's okay, because he looks pale and feels tense.

He nods, claiming he's fine, just a little sore from a workout he did while he was away.

Flaky is suspicious, but drops it. FOR NOW.

Cut to them at the diner, all talking and looking over the menu to see what they want, and a visual gag of Cuddles and Giggles having a contest of who can spin longer in their chairs(they're all sitting at the bar).

Flippy is a little uneasy because ANYTHING can trigger his instincts and he doesn't know how well this aversion procedure is going to qork because neither he nor Splendid went out and actually saw if it was working.

Petunia sees his unease and asks if he needs to step outside for a second.

He shakes his head and admits he's just trying to figure out what to eat.

Good thing he's having a hard time, too, because Petunia is not in the mood for grease.

Flaky fakes a gag or an "Eugh," and jokes, "Ew, flirting."

While Flippy laughs, Petunia DARES Flaky to repeat that, because it was her that helped the two get closer.

His laughter dies when a kitchen fire starts on accident right in front if them.

TV/anime perspective, we see the reflection of the fire in Flippy's eyes as they widen and he gasps/whimpers. We don't see his flashback, but we hear about a bomb going off and people screaming in pain. Flippy clenches a fist on the countertop, silent as the fire is put out and everyone relaxes.

While everyone talks about how crazy that just was, Flippy spontaneouly gets sick to his stomach and gags, excusing himself really quick to go to the bathroom.

The group watch and are now very confused, because usually flame triggers him, but he did not go off on them.

Cuddles, being the only boy, follows Flippy, saying that he'll try not to die in the process.

He does not die, but he does see Flippy vomiting into one of the sinks, very violently, I must say.

Cuddles asks if everything's okay, which scares the crap out of Flippy, but the ex-soldier claims he's fine; the fire just got him scared.

Cuddles doesn't really buy it, and asks another question: Has he been eating, AT ALL? Because he looks like he lost a little bit of weight and sick as hell.

While he waters away his mess, washes out, and wipes off his mouth, Flippy admits he has been, as much as he can, at least.

Cuddles still doesn't buy it, asking WHAT he's eating and when.

Flippy leans over the now clean sink and measures his options.

If he tells the truth, there's a chance his friends are not going to take it well.

If he keeps them in the dark, they will be fine, even though he'll feel even more like garbage.

Flippy turns and holds up his hands in surrender. He's been eating venison to build immunity, and because it, honestly, tastes really good.

Cuddles reels on him, asking why he'd do that when he's almost deathly allergic to the stuff.

Flippy apologizes and admits that, yes, he knows it's stupid, but he's just trying to make himself better, in case they have a cookout and someone accidentally brings venison instead of steak.

Cuddles points out that's BS because NO ONE eats venison(whatever it is)(Flippy corrects him that it's deer), but still drops it because Flippy clearly doesn't want to talk about it; guy code.

Flippy thanks him anyway and they rejoin the group, everyone keeping an eye on Flippy as he eats, Flaky especially, because, having known him the longest, she canntell he's both hiding something and isn't as good as he's pretending to be.

HMMMMMMMM????

#happy tree friends #htf flippy #htf splendid #htf giggles #htf cuddles #htf flaky #htf petunia #ptsd tw #nightmare tw #strangle/choking tw #medicine/drug use tw #aversion therapy tw #vomiting tw #thank you for being patient

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killiths · 4 years ago

Text

so where do i start...

well... i just wanna say that i’m fucking sick and tired of this shit. like, i am done taking this shit from natalie (@/simon-haynes) not taking any fucking responsibility and not being able to be accountable for the shit she’s done and people eating up her lies like she’s a fucking saint... i am totally, completely and unbelievably sick of this bitch... can’t even say it differently. and whilst the reason im writing this is because of rae, i have my own story with natalie to share :) because i am SICK and TIRED of this bitch acting like a saint compared to rae... because trust me on this... she really is NOT. also, the reason she’s going round spreading lies abt rae is pretty much similar to what ive gone thru w her so... like, not in what happened but like... rae upset natalie and she snapped and went around spreading lies. i got upset bc of natalie but i didn’t snap and go into other servers that weren’t even remotely involved to talk smack about her and spread lies. innit funny how i am literally like 7 years younger than her but clearly more mature? :)

anyways, i might not have all the receipts but nor does she, actually, and ppl believe her bs lies about rae so here i come with the TRUTH that i’ve been keeping quiet for so long because i didn’t think i’d need to bring it up for people to see how fucked in the head she actually is ???

but yeah,lemme just mention some of the shit she’s been doing to rae recently: compulsively lying about her to make herself look better to people we don’t know in servers we ain’t in... plus we’re also mentioned in there several times for god fucking knows why so...

but to what natalie did to me, well... it’s been months actually, i think it happened all the way back in july ??? so yeah, that’s how long i’ve kept quiet about this bc at the time i thought we were friends but this bitch is as fake as it can get. :)

back in july 2020, i joined the womens server created by fleur and i was actually talking to her and the people there. i genuinely liked them and was really happy that i could talk to them too along with my other friends, but then the womens server got mentioned in our friend group and suddenly everyone wanted to join. rae and i have already been in there, but rae was barely talking. bru and zoe joined and dipped the instant they saw the chat, so that’s that. and the only person who stayed was natalie :) fleur kept saying how the womens server is supposed to be a positive and safe place for everyone in the chat, so i warned her that natalie can be a demon, in a joking/not joking way bc our friend group is known to be cunts to each other and it also projects to other ppl who don’t always take it the best way but anyway...

so i warned fleur about natalie possibly acting like a cunt bc that’s just what she did at the time bc it was all fun and jokes... but then fleur actually brought it up to natalie in private messages that natalie herself shared with us, and what she did afterward was make a bunch of REALISTIC manips that said I (ME) was bullying natalie into being a cunt and a demon, a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD (i was still 17 at the time) bullying a grown ass TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD woman into being a cunt to a bunch of strangers :)

yeah, sure.

but that happened and natalie was joking and laughing about it. until i had a BREAKDOWN and an ANXIETY ATTACK because of it. she literally “joked” by compulsively LYING to fleur about me a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD bullying her into being a cunt. do y’all hear this?

anyways yeah... i had a breakdown. i was shaking, i was crying and i couldn’t calm down. until RAE offered to go on call with me to help me calm down. and it actually helped. but the funny thing about that is... as i was on call WITH RAE, natalie literally messaged rae that i’m and i quote “a little bitch” for having a breakdown over her compulsive lying, trying to make me into a bad person to people that i was befriending at the time. obviously i was fucking UPSET.

and you know what? i never even got an apology. because natalie genuinely didn’t think she did something wrong, even though she caused me a fucking breakdown. to this day, natalie still doesn’t think she did something wrong because by now, she doesn’t even remember it. but you know who does? ME. BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING TRAUMATISED. NATALIE IS LITERALLY THE REASON I DECIDED TO GO TO THERAPY. and i wish i was lying about that.

so say what you fucking will, think what you fucking want about rae. but whatever natalie says... it’s all fucking lies that are written purely from her point of view, and often wrong (which she also admitted btw but still acts as if she’s the victim and WE’RE attacking her).and yeah... rae is a demon, but she actually helped me through a breakdown that natalie caused whilst natalie called me a little bitch for it, so natalie has NO FUCKING RIGHT to act like a saint in comparison to rae. because she made a MINOR cry and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. :)

i’m just done. and sick. and fucking tired. this bitch doesn’t deserve anything. not even a fucking apology from anyone because she’s just as bad as anyone she decides to shit talk in her dozens of servers that we’re not in.

(note: been sent more receipts of shit natalie said about me back in july that i didn’t even know about for this post. innit fun?)

and to y’all believing natalie’s lies

the chat is full of bullshit that natalie said and lemme tell you she likes to make the victim out of herself because she’s such a fucking saint isn’t she? well, fuck all of you who side with this bitch. honestly i could write a whole fucking essay about the shit natalie said about rae but then again that doesn’t concern me because it’s not about me of course... but even as a person outside of all this drama who has an objective point of view on everything that happened, i promise you... natalie is NOT the angel she makes herself to be.

#im just sick okay #every single atom in my fucking body hates this bitch #and anyone who believes her fucking lies is fucked in the head #i don't even care

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set-phasers-to-whump · 3 years ago

Text

normally

prompt: sick

whumpee: shawn spencer

fandom: psych

hi! welcome to my third psych fic! i am going to be honest i am super happy with the way this turned out! i feel like i’m really starting to Get the characters and i hope that it shows in this fic! (set mid-s4, before shules get together and after woody is introduced).

Shawn feels horrible. Normally, this would be cause for loudly complaining about his misery to anyone that will listen and pretending like he’s actively dying so that people will do things for him because he’s soooo sick. Normally. But unfortunately, he really has to work today.

It’s his fault, kind of. Really, though, it’s the window company’s fault - anyone who makes glass fragile enough to be shattered by one single blast from a t-shirt cannon has to be held to some degree of responsibility. But it had been him who’d fired the cannon and caused him and Gus to use up nearly all of Psych’s current funds to repair it. So. He needs to work today.

And it’s not like this case is lame and boring - it’s interesting! He wants to work it, really, honestly. It’s just, he’d rather not work it today. But he figures there aren’t really a lot of other options, so he gets on his bike and rides to the police station, somehow arriving unhurt despite the fact that he’d barely been able to focus on the road.

He feels kind of like his helmet is trying to kill him the whole way there, and when he finally arrives and parks and pulls it off, his hair is plastered to his forehead with sweat. Great.

In the parking lot, Shawn brushes his fingers halfheartedly through his damp hair, trying to fix it up without a mirror. It probably still looks awful, and he can’t stand the thought, but he’s so tired and it’s hard work moving his hands so much, so there’s not much he can do. He just hopes no one notices.

“Nice hair, Spencer.”

He’s too tired to give Lassie a witty reply. He settles for a glare that feels lukewarm at best and trudges to the Chief’s office without bothering to look around or say good morning to Jules or anything.

“Shawn, wait up!”

Shawn stops, and Gus hurries up to walk next to him. “Morning, Gus,” Shawn says, and ouch, that hurts. Just wonderful. He’s hot and sweaty and weak and he can’t talk without feeling like he’s swallowed glass.

“You alright? You’re acting weird.”

Leave it to Gus to cut right to the chase. “I’m fine, Gus,” he says, speaking quietly (which pains him a little, in his heart (and in his throat)).

“You know that’s a lie.”

“Tell you later,” he decides, and opens the Chief’s door.

“Mr. Spencer, Mr. Guster. Good morning,” she says, looking up from her computer.

“We heard there was another body,” Gus announces, and the Chief nods.

“Unfortunately, yes. She was found early this morning by some hikers, in the same area where we found our other victim. Similar wounds, similar appearance. We may be dealing with a serial killer.”

Ordinarily, this would be a statement that is met with some kind of reaction, but Shawn finds he doesn’t particularly have it in him to react at all.

“Really?” Gus asks for the both of them, equal parts concerned and interested.

“We can’t be sure yet, but it is a possibility. I’d like you two to head down to the morgue and see if you can get a reading on the body.”

“We’re on it,” says Gus, and Shawn nods, which is a bad idea. His head spins, and then the room spins, and when everything stops spinning, he’s left with a horrible pounding in his head.

“Mr. Spencer?”

Shawn looks around and realizes that Gus is gone. The Chief is looking at him funny, almost…worried, and he can’t have that right now, so he gives her a little salute and hurries out the door.

Shawn makes his way to the morgue, but is stopped when he passes the men’s bathroom.

“Psst! Shawn,” comes Gus’ voice, and the door cracks open. Shawn pushes his way in, and is immediately cornered by Gus.

“Tell me what’s going on right now,” he demands, and Shawn can tell he’s trying to sound threatening. It’s not working, but he tells Gus anyway.

“I’m just a little sick,” he explains quietly.

“And you’re here? Spreading your germs around?” Gus asks, backing away from him and raising an arm to cover his mouth and nose.

“I’m not contagious, Gus.”

“Do you actually know that, or are you just trying to make me feel better about being possibly infected?”

Shawn shrugs, and Gus sighs, lowering his arm. “Why are you here, Shawn?”

“Come on, man, you know we need the money.”

Gus can’t argue with that. “Fine,” he relents. “But you better have some medicine later and get some sleep and plenty of fluids and -”

“I will,” says Shawn, and he knows he doesn’t sound very convincing. Gus raises his eyebrows at him.

“Sure you will. At least splash some water on your face, then. You look horrible, and you’re about to be in a room with two detectives.”

Oh. Right. Shawn turns on the faucet and splashes some cold water onto his face. It actually feels kind of nice, and he feels, briefly, a little bit better as he dries himself off with a scratchy brown paper towel.

“Let’s go see a body,” he says, throwing the towel in the trash.

The fairly short walk to the morgue might as well take hours. That’s what it feels like to Shawn, anyway. Every step feels like a monumental task and he’s so tired and he would really just like to sleep but he’s currently walking, so that’s not an option. Maybe he shouldn’t have come today. Maybe he should have asked Gus to do this without him. Maybe he should have told the Chief. But maybe she wouldn’t have believed him, or cared. No. No, he needs to be here. He’s just…

Here. Finally, they’ve arrived at the morgue. If Gus is exhausted by their months-long trek, he doesn’t show it. In fact, he’s holding the door open for Shawn and saying something to whoever is on the other side, and Shawn gets the feeling that Gus has been waiting for him.

He hurries along as quickly as he can (which is painfully slow) and steps into the wonderfully cool air of the morgue.

“Shawn! Gus! Great to see you,” Woody calls, from where he’s standing beside the body of a young woman lying on his table. Jules and Lassie stand on either side of him, and they both look up as Shawn and Gus walk in.

“Hi, guys,” Jules greets, and Lassie manages a small nod.

“Hey, Jules. Lassie,” replies Gus, and Shawn gives them a smile that hopefully doesn’t look as fake and as pained as it feels.

“Come closer, come closer,” Woody says, and he seems extremely excited, so Shawn and Gus both step in, but before Woody can tell them what it is that’s got him so excited, Shawn, well...

Shawn’s used to bodies. He’s not squeamish about being around them. He’s not Gus. But as he steps a bit closer to the dead girl on the table and breathes in the smell of death, he’s suddenly trying to stop himself from gagging, but he must not be doing a very good job of it because he hears Lassie say, “I thought Guster was the squeamish one,” and ohh, he feels really bad, and had it always been so hot in here?

“Are you okay, Shawn?” asks Jules.

“Uhh -” Shawn starts, then cuts himself off, shutting his mouth firmly. He feels so sick and hot and spinny and bad and he would really like to sit down.

So he does. Hard. The floor is cool beneath him, and he lies down and imagines sinking right through it. Right through it and ending up somewhere soft and comfortable where nothing is the matter…

There are hands on his face and they are way too warm. He reaches up to push them off and catches a snippet of conversation.

“He’s burning up.”

“He told me…”

“…didn’t say anything…”

“Of course. Why…”

“Call someone?”

“…necessary?”

“Uh, guys?” Shawn asks, in a moment of complete clarity. He opens his eyes and looks up at the faces of Lassie, Gus, Jules, and Woody. “I’m on the floor.”

“You were the one that just laid right down on it,” says Lassie.

“Oh. Why?”

“Because you’re sick, Shawn. And you didn’t tell us?”

“I told Gus?”

“Who kept that little revelation to himself.”

“He said he was fine! ‘Just a little sick,’ were the exact words he used.”

“Maybe…I bent the truth,” Shawn admits, letting his eyes slip closed again. He’s so hot…everything feels bad. He wants to fall asleep for about a thousand years. Yeah. A thousand years should be enough for him to wake up feeling somewhat okay again.

“Don’t you go falling asleep on us, Shawn,” comes Gus’ voice, and then there is a sharp tap on his face. He opens his eyes and scowls. It must not be very effective, though, because Jules giggles, then cuts herself off.

“Come on, let's get you up,” says Lassie, long-suffering. He grabs one of Shawn’s hands, and Woody takes the other, and suddenly Shawn’s on his feet and more dizzy than he has ever been in his life.

“Don’t you dare throw up on me, Spencer,” Lassie says, and he sounds so threatening that Shawn has no choice but to comply.

The group is at least nice enough to give him a few minutes to adjust to being on his feet before they make him move. When they finally do, his arms get draped around Gus and Lassie’s shoulders, and their combined body heat is the most uncomfortable thing in the world, but he knows without a doubt that if they weren’t there he’d collapse, so he doesn’t try to pull away, despite the fact that he’s pretty sure he’s melting.

The walk out of the morgue feels even longer than the walk to it had felt. Eventually, though, they make it to the Chief’s office.

She looks up from her work in mild surprise, which quickly turns to concern when her eyes land on Shawn. He tries for an upbeat smile and a “hey, Chief,” that comes out as more of a groan.

“Spencer’s sick,” explains Lassie.

“I can see that. Why is he here?”

Shawn twists to his right to look at Gus, who he knows will explain for him.

“We really need this case,” Gus explains. “Shawn spent all our money fixing the Psych window. Again.”

“Not my fault,” Shawn mutters.

“You know it was.”

“Gentlemen,” Chief Vick interrupts, “Shawn. You are allowed to take a sick day, you know. This case can go without you for one day.”

“It can?”

“Yes,” Lassie sounds exasperated. “Surprisingly, this department did manage to solve cases before you arrived.”

“Go home, Shawn,” Jules translates. “You can’t work like this, anyway.”

She has a point. Shawn can’t even recall what had happened in the morgue, what they’d talked about, what the body had looked like, which is horribly weird and downright disconcerting because he’d normally never forget those things. But everything is so foggy right now, and he’s so tired, and he wants to sit down and he wants to sleep and -

He’s lost the plot of the conversation again.

“…can take him home. He better not…”

“…company car, we know.”

“…not contagious…”

“We don’t know that!”

“…not helping, Guster…”

“Shawn?”

“Hmm?” He opens his eyes (he doesn’t remember closing them, which, again. Weird).

“I’m taking you to your dad’s.”

“Gussss,” Shawn whines, as Gus begins leading him out of the Chief’s office. He doesn’t want to go to his dad’s.

“You’re going, and that’s that,” Gus says, definitively, and they’re in the car now? Shawn definitely doesn’t remember getting here. “You need someone to watch you, and I have another job to get to, remember?”

Shawn senses that he’s not going to get anywhere arguing right now. “Fine,” he agrees. There are worse things than going to his dad’s place, anyway, if he’s being honest. “I’ll go.”

“You know that’s right.”

aaaaaa thanks so much for reading this!!!!! i hope you liked it, love you all <3

#summerofwhump #summerofwhump23 #sick #fever #psych #shawn spencer #my writing #i say things #this is totally me cherry picking symptoms....#look i either do Way Too Much research or i make shit up however i please. no in between #anyway now for me to talk!#tonight was opening night it went well ! a little bit of mess ups but i did my job well lmao #and yeah. work was nice (i got a huge tip and like. i almost never get tipped so it was lovely!) and i had this thing for a scholarship #which was also nice....and i am just having a good time rn! very happy :)#hope you liked this fic and thank you for reading it!#oh also there was like. excessive use of italics up in this bitch and i know but this fic just Needed them yknow?

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canvas-the-florist · 4 years ago

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Fist Fight the After Life (Sander Sides)

Ship(s): Brotherly Anxceit, Creativitwins, pining Logince

Warnings: frog mention, lots of talk of death, food mention, insomnia mention

Summary: Ghosts can become corporeal to prevent one event from occurring. Virgil and Janus become corporeal by accident by trying to stop Remus and Roman from going down a really steep hill in a shopping cart. Chaotic and heartfelt shenanigans ensue.

Word Count: 1.9K

“This is a really stupid idea,” Roman hummed, looking at the bicycle helmet his brother handed him and then looking at the shopping cart. Then, he shrugged and put it on. “Still, sounds kinda dope. Wouldn’t want you to claim all the glory for this stupidity.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“No, it’s not.” Janus booed. Remus didn’t flinch or move, because Janus wasn’t quite there. He was in the astral plane watching with mild disinterest. “I’m the spirit.”

“Shut up, snake.” Virgil shoved his brother half heartedly. “No one wants or can hear your dumb puns.”

The two continued bickering as Roman and Remus started setting up their fun stunt. They had found a steep hill at the bend of an abandoned road. Remus had tried to talk his friend, Logan into joining the two, but Logan actually had a brain cell and decided to pass. But he had agreed to watch at a bench in case they needed an ambulance. Roman forced Remus to wear his helmet before they climbed into the cart. Virgil face palmed across the planes.

“They’re really going to do this huh,” Virgil bit his lip. His hands have hidden in the sleeves of his hoodie and he grabbed the insides of it. Janus looked over to see that Virgil was even more anxious than usual. “If either of them die I’m going to kill them when they get here.”

“I’m sure they’re going to be fine, Virgil.” Janus reassured, not knowing himself if he was lying. He turned back to watch Logan walking up to the cart, ready to push it down the hill that seemed to grow taller the more he looked. Virgil’s worries were rubbing off on him. Janus considered for a moment before seeing that Logan was just about to push and-

“DON’T!” Janus and Virgil shouted, this time causing three people to flinch and the shopping cart fell on it’s side just as Logan moved forward. The three humans looked up, shocked and frozen as two… ghosts were staring down at them.

Janus and Virgil looked at each other and then at their environment, realizing what they have done. Virgil’s face fell into his hands while Janus cursed quietly. He saw Remus and Roman get up as if they’re about to run and (metaphorically) stepped in. “Hello, friends. My brother and I are just here to say that…” Roman and Remus looked back as Logan was still frozen. “We’re your guardian angels! Not yours though, Logan. We had the chance to save you two from doom if it was ever to get too dire. So you’re welcome!”

Virgil looked up, aghast at his brother. He mouthed, what?! Janus ignored him. “Any questions?”

Remus raised his hand and talked as he did so. “Are you gay?”

“Yes.” Virgil and Janus replied at the same time, without hesitation. Virgil continued, “But that’s not exactly relevant. Umm, sorry for interrupting your ‘sick stunt’, we’re going to go now. RIGHT, JAN?”

“Of course.”

They couldn’t leave. After about a minute, Logan offered his house to have a more private conversation. While walking back the three humans asked a list of endless questions, about guardian angels. Virgil let Janus take the lead as he was trying to calm down. Janus kept answering about what ghosts do but he was sure that Roman wouldn’t be able to tell the difference in the end. Well, until the actual end, he supposed quietly. Logan unlocked the door and the others walked or floated into the front room.

“So you guys were just watching us like a 3D movie?” Roman asked. “Why not watch someone cooler? Unless we’re more interesting than… Lin Manuel Miranda?”

Virgil shrugged, finally able to form a sentence without his voice cracking. “I’m pretty sure many people are watching Lin Manuel Miranda right now, on this plane or not. It’s more interesting to watch someone insignificant.” Virgil realized what he said and quickly continued before Roman had the chance to be offended. “Well, insignificant at first glance. You- y’all are more fun than any privileged asshole with too much money would be.”

“You get to decide who to spectate?” Logan asked, while getting a notepad and pen from a cupboard. “How do you decide? What do you do when a person you’re watching dies? How many times can you step in to help someone?”

“Well,” Janus started. “You can decide who to watch, and you kinda just float around the world and if you want to watch someone, you do. When that person dies and you’re around you’re supposed to help them adjust to the afterlife. And… You can only step in once. But it has to be before their action or you’re going to have to fix it yourself. Which is too much work.”

Logan continued writing this down. Remus blurted out “So what happens after you save their donkey asses? Do you explode into frogs?”

“Nope.” Virgil looked down, uncomfortably. He didn’t know how to respond to this question. It was a sort of touchy and ambiguous part of being a spirit. “I’m not exactly sure what happens. The person who introduced me to this afterlife,” He gave a side look at Janus who looked slightly guilty. “Never told me what that’s like.”

The three humans then looked at Janus with attention. Remus whispered to Roman “I’m still betting on the frog thing.” Roman snickered as Janus started. He was ringing his hands and toying with his gloves while he talked. “In the afterlife you can either choose to just stop all your consciousness or become a sort of spectator… thing. A lot of people choose to watch over the world to cope with their death. When people intervene with an event that’s occurring their existence becomes kind of limited. You can only save a person once and we,”

He looked at Virgil who was looking very nervous at what was happening. “We just so happened to use it. I’m not certain on what happens after this but I do know that people don’t return to the astral plane when 24 hours of being corporeal ends.”

“Well that fucking sucks.” Roman stated after a long pause. “You save someone from something bad and you get in an even worse position? Life in the afterlife doesn’t seem so… ideal.”

“I mean, it IS death.” Virgil shrugged.

“Whelp, thanks for stopping us for doing a sick unstable trick. Now you’re stuck with us for the rest of your existence!” Remus said giddily, like he was a mix of grateful and mad at them. Roman hit him on the head lightly. “What? That is what happened, right? They’re not going to explode into blood and guts, they’re just gonna poof!”

“Well, I wouldn’t cross that quite of the list yet. Neither of them seem to have any knowledge about what’s going to occur.” Logan pointed out and Remus gave a crooked smile. Logan then turned to the ghosts. “What are you going to do now? You have about… 21 hours and 46 minutes left until your undetermined future.”

Virgil and Janus looked at each other and shrugged.

“Do you guys want to prank anyone?” Virgil asked, causing Remus and Roman to grin.

After making a bad youtube video with it’s top comment being “The editing is so unrealistic”, doing the most impressive magic tricks to the five random strangers who wanted to participate, and generally scaring people, there was about 15 hours and it was now 12 AM. The group had kind of ran out of things to do so they were playing truth or dare on the carpet. Janus and Virgil were hovering in a position that kinda looked like they were sitting.

“Virgil!” Roman declared dramatically. “Truth or dare?”

Virgil raised his eyebrow. “Uhh,, dare? I wanna see what you can come up with.”

“Dammit I only had a truth prepared, give me a second.” He closed his eyes, as if he had to think really hard just to come up with a dare. Then Roman’s eyes popped open and a smile spread across his face. “Lemme swish my hand through you! I wanna know what it looks like.”

“Rude, that was going to be my dare for Janus!” Remus punched Roman, causing him to fall onto Logan. Logan had a brief blush while Roman obliviously sat back up. “So, do you take the dare Virge? Or are you chicken poop?!”

“I believe you just misused an idiom.” Logan pointed out before smiling a little bit. “Was I just the one to point that out? That was me understanding a metaphor? I did it!”

“Good job, Logan,” Janus remarked. “Accept the dare Virgil, I would LOVE to get ‘swished’ by the not at all greasy twin.”

Virgil shrugged. “Sure, I mean it’s not like I can feel it I guess.” He didn’t even finish his sentence when Roman leaned forward to run his hand through Virgil’s arm. Virgil flinched backwards at the sudden movement but then relaxed again while crossing his arms. “Got it out of your system, Princey?”

His arm was dispelling like smoke moving when air conditioning turns on. Roman did it about two more times before leaning back against the couch, not noticing how close he was to Logan. Logan noticed though. “Yeah, I’m done. Your turn now!”

The games continued like this for a while. There were about 11 hours left when the corporeal humans passed out. Except for Remus, who just seemed to get bored, take a Red Bull from the fridge and go upstairs to do whatever the hell he did in his spare time. There were about 8 hours left when Janus and Virgil floated outside to the front yard. Virgil flew up to the roof and lied down in the air to look at the polluted air in the sky. Janus joined him a little bit after.

“They seemed fun.” Janus started, pulled one of his knees to his chest.

“Do you think it was worth it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Us saving them. They might not have even been in danger. And we intervened.” Virgil looked at his older brother and he could see the fear in his eyes. “What if we broke some sort of ghost rule? I don’t know how any of this works and that’s not the vibe honestly.”

Janus took off his hat, ran a hand through his hair, and put it back on. He was looking forward, in the direction of the hill. “I don’t know. But we did that and now we’re getting consequences. Whether or not this is bad, I don’t know. But I do know that we’re going to be okay. I lied-”

“Of course…” Janus looked at Virgil, unenthused. Virgil held up his hands. “Sorry, what were you lying about?”

The older brother rolled his eyes. “We’re not going to stop existing yet. Because I don’t feel like it. How would you like to survive out of spite? We might not see any of these fools but we could haunt shit, which I know is not your whole vibe.”

Virgil laughed quietly before making eye contact, his eyes holding excitement and fear within them. “All I do is out of spite, idiot.”

Taglist: @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @logan-sanders-enthusiast @onceler-simp @bullet-tothefeels @sugaryenovis @bapbee @mysticalninjanut @fuckimasanderssidesblognow @meowthefluffy @eeredecimalsanderssided @mariita-2006 @mystic-theater-geek @bewaretheidesofmarchyall @callme-vee

#platonic anxceit #creativitwins #subtle logince #pining logince #I just like happy endings okay #emile writes #sander sides #virgil sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #ghosts #sander sides fanfiction #fanfic #writing

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meltalks · 4 years ago

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my experience with addy / hiqey

i’ve contemplated posting my history with addy/hiqey for awhile now. my friends have encouraged me to do so, but due to her stance in the rpc i was always far too scared to do so. with all that is coming to light with her recently, not only is a huge weight off my shoulders as far as comfortably roleplaying as my escape, but knowing i’m not alone. my story with addy dates back to about september 2018. i do warn you this will be long, and i’ll try to include enough details to make it make sense while not dragging things on and on. this includes both my personal relationship with addy, as well as my experience with her in groups one where she she was an admin, and groups where i was an admin. as well as i believe we coadmined one together. i’ve put screenshots where i could, but some of this dates back to 2018 and i just don’t have access to those texts/rp accounts anymore.

a huge huge shout out to @bumkeyz for starting this avalanche, and for also supporting me one on one along with all my friends to feel safe enough to come forward. i’ll put all of my story under a read more.

i’m going to start this by saying, my name is mel/melanie. you may have heard of me because back when addy was on rpslayed she wasn’t a big fan of me for awhile. predominantly my group the cape(?) the main isn’t up anymore so i can’t remember the exact @. i’m 21 years old, i will be 22 this month. i am married & i have a 3 year old daughter. this is information i don’t normally tell people i’m married / have a child, because well, i just feel a little judged. not because anything anyone has specifically done or said, but my own anxieties worried that people will think it’s weird to be married with a child and still in twitter rp. but it is important to my story with addy, which is why i’m letting everyone know right off the bat.

i met addy in a group called producers. this group is from september 2018, so i’m not able to access anything right now, but am digging. i played (feel free to clown me) a g-eazy character named pierce. addy played a carlson young who’s name i can’t quite recall, and a gracie abrams named lolly. lolly & pierce became friends first & at some point we exchanged phone numbers. lolly & pierce flirted a lot, pierce was a player yada yada. eventually she ended up getting a different ship on lolly & pushed her carlson young onto pierce. pierce had a different love interest & didn’t end up going for her. this should’ve been the first negative sign/red flag. when pierce didn’t get with her character, she got very short & snarky ic and ooc. i believe both of her characters blocked me ic. even though pierce had made no ic promises to either to not be with someone else. we still maintained some level of friendship, but she was extremely weird about when i mentioned my ship. our friendship ended for a few months because of an incident that started ic between me and another character. the mun who played this character and i had bonded ooc over having been pregnant, we talked somewhat often about her dealings with her pregnancy. so i felt close enough/friendly enough with this mun that when something happened with her character & another character ic i dm’ed her to see if she was ok .long story short it went bad. i texted addy and told her that. i explained that i felt as if this mun & i were close and it was like dm’ing a friend. she held onto the fact that i shouldn’t have messaged her. when i didn’t immediately conform to her thought she kicked me out of the group. i was literally devastated. i loved that group, that character, my ship; all of it. she blocked me. though this story is 2 paragraphs long, it’s minor in the grand scheme of things. after this she smeared me on rpslayed for months until our paths crossed again in a group called glitches/glitch? we decided to squash our beef. this was december 2019.

in december 2019 we became friends again. honestly, i wish we never crossed paths. we got very close right away. she started telling me about a bad friendship she had, with someone we mutually knew from producers who i will not name since it’s not my place to put their name in this, and gained my sympathy. so much so that i ended a friendship with that person based solely on accusations that addy had told me. this is something that i can now realize i did wrong. i literally cussed this person out on the phone, solely based off things addy told me. i didn’t listen to someone who had been my friend for months, who defended me and picked me up when addy was tearing me down on rpslayed. i turned my back because addy convinced me to. she made this person seem awful. and again, i’m not naming them, but they know exactly who they are. and when thy do read this, i’m sorry.

now this is where things get out of hand. addy & i begun an intimate relationship. this is very personal, and i know some may pass judgment. but my husband was cool with it. addy also began talking to my husband, they texted. we had a groupchat. not to get into details about the relationship, but it was romantic. i am going to try and organize my thoughts. into themes.

money

this relationship lasted from about january ish to april romantically. i became addy’s crutch. she began going through personal issues with her family. and i started sending her money. to be frank i don’t remember how it started. i helped her with a job search, supporting her through these tough things that were going on. the money started casually i suppose. it was $10 for lunch. $25 for nails. but then it got worse. i bought her a phone. and slowly she grew more entitled to my money. asking for it. demanding it. guilting me when i didn’t give it. i lied to her and told her i lost my credit card and turned it off, but the guilt i had i told her that i could turn it on when she needed it. in screenshots i will post below she guilted me because i was sick and fell asleep before turning my card on. whether what she’s saying occured is true or not, it was just one example of how she made me feel. at one point she had my credit card on her uber, and charged nearly $400 of ubers on my credit card that i didn’t know about. she claimed it was an accident, because i let her put my card on her account under the agreement that she would turn it off. we had an agreement of what she would pay me back, some things that i got her were gifts and i didn’t want/need back. other things it was always an agreement she would pay me back. however whenever i would mention sending me a payment she had an excuse. one time even guilting me by reminding me how much better i have it than she does. all in all i spent / sent upwards of $2500/$3000 on her. only about $1500/$1800 i wanted back. i never saw a dime back, she never made good on her promises. at some point i gave up on asking.

ETA: as far as the uber situation goes, she did apologize and state that it was never on purpose when i found out that there was nearly $500 in charges. she said she thought she was charging her moms card. this shows a photo of 1 page of a 5 page statement of all the transactions put on my card by her in one month. there are only 6 of these transactions that were me. all of the ubers and venmo were her. i didn’t make her take off my card, which in hindsight was obviously a very bad decision. i just didn’t want to leave her stranded without ways to get home/where she needed to be.

this is her demanding money. this was in the summer. at this point i was so manipulated by her/scared of her/scared of losing her that i didn’t know how to say no. in this instance i deflected with a picture of my child. screen shot.

in the screenshots here, this is where i fell asleep. i was on vacation and got extremely dehydrated in the sun. i literally felt so sick and she made me feel guilty for falling asleep. X X X

this screenshot shows one of the times i actually asked her when she would repay me. at this point my credit card was nearly maxed out from ubers and sending her money. i was anxious about it and she made me feel bad for asking because her situation was worse than mine. this was the same day she asked me for $250 for a down payment on her car. X asking for money. X making me feel bad for asking when she’s gonna pay.

literally to this day im still in credit card debt because of this. yes i make good money, yes my husband does too. but credit card debt is hard and everyone knows it. i do fine for myself, but i don’t have hundreds extra to pay this down.

also, i cannot locate the bank screenshot. but as recent as this february, six months since she spoke to me, she still had my card on her uber and usted it again. i can’t find the screenshot of the actual of the bank transaction because i’ve completely had to close that account for fraud and transfer my balance to a new card. but here is a screenshot from february 12 where i tell my friends i caught her doing it. X .

manipulation in groups/related to groups

orbis. i ran a group called orbis, it was a reality show group. addy was one of my friends who really wanted me to open it. all of my groups i’ve adminned i’m the lead. i just always take on that roll so i do get very busy with them on top of my real life. i work full time and i’m a mom so i spread myself thin.she made me feel really guilty for this, saying i wasn’t giving her enough time, she wasn’t anyones dog. so i posted my unfollow. then she told me i was stupid for doing that. so i deleted my unfollow. then she said that me deleting my unfollow showed that i didn’t really care how she felt. screens. X X

lumeer. very similar situation to above. only this time i left the group completely for about 3 weeks. i called my coadmin crying about what she was doing to me, sent her the psds and templates for grpahics and left fully, though i helped them out if issues arose/they needed anything.

impulse. this was recently and this got brought to the tags. im going to copy & paste what i sent to bumkeyz as far as the story goes for what happened.

“ what happened in impulse is only one of several examples of addy being awful in groups i've adminned. this goes back to our friendship but specifically here's what happened in impulse. addy played a character named briar, the other characters involved were as mentioned in other posts loki & khalil (fai fc). one of he first days of the group khalil hooked up with both loki & briar. when the "updates" account posted about loki & khalil's hook up (we posted any and all plot drops that were sent in, it was a reality show so we consistently updated what the cameras caught), briar got upset on main. addy then messaged khalil's mun ooc and asked for the plot to be erased. essentially because she didn't like that khalil had hooked up with both her and another girl in the same day/same manor. as odd of a request as i was the khalil mun agreed to wipe it & asked that if there was anything that ever came up again that made addy uncomfortable to please not hesitate to dm. addy then softblocked khalil. which is strange. why soft block with briar's reason to dislike khalil has been wiped? that night addy posted on her personal tumblr hiqey "i forgot all fai khadra fcs are weirdos" or soemthing along that line. the khalil mun reasonably got uncomfortable with that, but was softblocked & didn't tell the main. they just ignored it since their characters weren't interacting now. for the next few days addy continued to shade khalil and loki on main, despite any ic reason for disliking them being wiped. loki then approached briar IN CHARACTER asking what was wrong/why she was shading/why they didn't like her. i don't know all the details of that conversation, but i know it ended with loki saying she was going to block briar & briar saying that was fine. bear in mind the admins had no idea any of this was happening at this point. addy then dmed the main, playing victim. after more shading of khalil, khalil's mun decided to block briar as well. addy despite wiping this plot and having 0 ic communication with khalil continued to shade the characters ic. so addy dmed the main playing innocent. asking for us to have them unblock, saying she had no idea why they blocked or what she did. as admins we had no idea why either, figured it was something ic so we dmed both muns. khalil's mun agreed after some hestiation, and asked if they had to follow her and i said no. they didn't elaborate. loki's mun however refused, & i'm glad she did because she told us what was going on. of course once we were told everyting we didn't make her unblock. up until we told addy that we were not going to make those muns unblock her, she was extremely sweet to us. she praised us on her rpt. said she loved the group. fed the main compliments. but when she didn't get her way out of us, and was essentially told on, she started causing issues on the timeline with different characters. she sent us a dm on the main telling us to "learn how to handle your group melanie" and deactivated before i could get a chance to reply. “

what i didn’t tell bumkeyz is that deejay/rpslayed played khalil. another example of addy’s manipulation is that when she saw deejay getting anons she followed deejay and texted her after several months of no communication, starting to tell her side of the story and play innocent -- not knowing that deejay was the person who was behind khalil the entire time. she made khalil out to be the bad guy, not knowing that it was deejay. after finding out deejay and i were friends, when deejay posted on rpslayed for people to follow me shortly after trying to get deejay on her side, addy blocked us both (again).

manipulation between friends (?)

i don’t really know a great way to title this, but this is similar to the situation i mentioned with the unnamed person above -- how addy made me think that person was the worst so i would stop being friends with them. this is a few more examples of that.

the entire time i was friends with addy, she told me that deejay hated me. she told me that deejay was convinced that i was this person who tried to get her kicked out of a group. she told me that she did her very best to convince deejay that it wasn’t true, but no matter what she did deejay just hated me. nearly a year later deejay and i cross paths in a group. we started talking ooc and i mentioned this. i asked her why she thought that was me. we found out that basically, while addy was telling me she was trying to convince deejay it wasn’t me, she was telling deejay that it was me. she would also tell me personal information about deejay that i had no business knowing, whether it be real life information or just telling me the groups deejay adminned when she knew deejay didn’t want anyone knowing.

i have found out recently that addy has recently been telling people a lie about when she came to visit me. on one evening when she visited me in june of 2019, we went to my friend’s house. we both drank, and smoked. i am someone who neither drinks nor smokes, and i got a very bad mix from it. my anxiety sky rocketed. i was crying on my friends couch practically paralyzed. i didn’t want to move. i felt sick. i felt scared. my friends were going to drive us back to my house and shortly before we were about to walk out addy said she needed to go to the hospital. my friend’s boyfriend drove her there, and when he came back they took me home. this night is very blurry for me. i remember barely being able to see straight, my friend helped me walk to and from the car. addy has told her friends that i refused to pick her up from the hospital that night, and i’ve now heard this from two of her close friends. when in reality, i was so far gone that not only was i sick and scared, but i couldn’t see straight. i had absolutely no ability to be behind a wheel. i’m not surprised she twisted this against me.

i provided a few people screenshots where addy was telling me to block them/trying to convince me that they were awful and hurting me. at the same time that addy was telling me this, she was doing the opposite to them -- to keep us apart. i believe this is some sort of power. always wanting to be everyones number one.

i don’t have a lot of screenshots for this, so i won’t go into much detail, but i can say on more than one occasion, or more than five or ten she told me who to and not to be friends with. told me to block people who had been our friends who were no longer friends with her.

flat out manipulation.

i don’t want to go back through my texts too much honestly. it’s still a sore spot. it still sucks and it still hurts. but i think anyone and everyone involved with addy at some point or another has similar stories about the way she treats her friends. there were points where i begged. begged and begged her not to leave me. i can’t even count how many times she blocked and unblocked me. how many times she made me feel the worst and then came back. she came back because she knw i was there. and that my generosity was practically endless. i couldn’t say no to her, frankly i can’t say no to anyone. if anyone dmed me today and said hey i need $15 for a ride home. i’d probably send it. that’s just how i am. addy completely had me wrapped around her finger. to the point that i left friends who were good to me. i left my own groups i worked hard on. i nearly ended my engagement (which cannot be entirely blamed on her, but the relationship she and i had was built off lots of manipulation). i know that i could go find 100 screenshots and texts of her manipulating me but honest i just don’t want to do that to myself again. she has made me out to be the villain to anyone she can. i have had 2 different people tell me that she told them i say the n word, which is the furthest thing from the truth. i fear the things she’s said about me to people. if she can 100% make something up, what can she twist from actual arguments or issues we had?

i know this sounds like a lot of rambling for nothing. but for nearly two years i’ve lived in fear in the rpc of addy. less so when we were friends. i’ve feared telling my side because i felt invalid. frankly even as i type this im scared. scared she’s already convinced everyone i’m awful and no one will read this or care. i just am thankful that this finally came to light. i am glad that i won’t feel scared anymore. roleplay is my one place to be free. as a mother, a full time worker, i don’t have a lot of time for hobby’s and frankly i don’t have a lot of them. i don’t draw, or read. i like to write. and i’m just thankful this can finally be lifted off me.

#twitter rp #rpt #rpc #rph #addy tw #hiqey

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toshootforthestars · 3 years ago

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From the report by Beth Mole, posted 19 July 2021:

Fully vaccinated people are largely protected from delta; the current vaccines are still highly effective against developing COVID-19 from delta and other variants of concern. Though a small proportion of people can develop so-called “breakthrough infections,” those infections will mostly be asymptomatic or mild. But, unvaccinated people are completely vulnerable. Moreover, those who have received only one dose of a two-dose vaccine or have only recovered from COVID-19 are not much better off than those who are completely unvaccinated.

But according to new polling data from CBS News, a new wave of vaccinations seems unlikely. Among unvaccinated and partly vaccinated people, only 48% said they are concerned about delta. Among fully vaccinated people, 72% reported being concerned about the variant.

Despite the fact that the current COVID-19 vaccines have proven highly effective and safe, 53% of those who are unvaccinated or partly vaccinated said in the poll that they are concerned about side effects. 50% of the group cited a lack of trust in the government as a reason not to get vaccinated. And 45% said they don’t trust the science. All of these percentages are higher than they have been in earlier polls, indicating that these anti-vaccine sentiments are hardening among the unvaccinated.

Some unvaccinated people who may be more persuadable have said they are waiting for the vaccines to receive full approval from the Food and Drug Administration (currently, they are authorized by the FDA under an emergency use authorization). On Friday, Pfizer and BioNTech said that the FDA had granted them a Priority Review designation for their mRNA vaccine, but they didn’t expect a decision on full approval until January 2022. Currently, vaccine providers are administering only around 520,000 COVID-19 vaccine per day, down from a record of 4.6 million in a day in April.

With over 161 million people vaccinated, only 48.6% of the US population is fully vaccinated.

See also: How much COVID misinformation is on Facebook? Its execs don’t want to know

For years, misinformation has flourished on Facebook. Falsehoods, misrepresentations, and outright lies posted on the site have shaped the discourse on everything from national politics to public health. But despite their role in facilitating communications for billions of people, Facebook executives refused to commit resources to understand the extent to which COVID-19-related misinformation pervaded its platform, according to a report in The New York Times.

Early in the pandemic, a group of data scientists at Facebook met with executives to propose a project that would determine how many users saw misleading or false information about COVID. It wasn’t a small task—they estimated that the process could take up to a year or more to complete—but it would give the company a solid understanding of the extent to which misinformation spread on its platform.

The executives listened to the data scientists’ pitch and then reportedly ghosted them.

The data team’s proposal wasn’t approved, and they were never given an explanation for why it was silently dropped.

The revelations come as Facebook has drawn fire from the White House for its role in the spread of misinformation about COVID-19 and the vaccines that prevent it. “They’re killing people,” President Joe Biden said about the role of social networks in the spread of misinformation. “Look, the only pandemic we have is among the unvaccinated. They’re killing people.”

Biden later walked back his comments slightly, but they revealed the administration’s frustration with social media platforms—and with Facebook in particular—over their response to the pandemic.

For weeks, the White House pressed Facebook for details on how the company is combating COVID vaccine misinformation. The social network offered some details but gave unsatisfying answers to other requests.

Facebook’s unwillingness or inability to understand the scope of COVID misinformation on its platform was apparent in comments it gave to The New York Times, in which it blamed its nescience on the lack of a “standard definition” for pandemic-related misinformation. “The suggestion we haven’t put resources toward combating COVID misinformation and supporting the vaccine rollout is just not supported by the facts,” said Dani Lever, a Facebook spokeswoman.

“With no standard definition for vaccine misinformation, and with both false and even true content (often shared by mainstream media outlets) potentially discouraging vaccine acceptance, we focus on the outcomes—measuring whether people who use Facebook are accepting of COVID-19 vaccines.”

For researchers who study misinformation, that explanation isn’t sufficient. “They need to open up the black box that is their content ranking and content amplification architecture,“ Imran Ahmed, chief executive of the Center for Countering Digital Hate, told The New York Times. “Take that black box and open it up for audit by independent researchers and government. We don’t know how many Americans have been infected with misinformation.”

Me:

This situation is extremely bad!

First off, the individuals that aren’t getting vaccinated just do not care to. They’ve bought hook line and sinker into all the disinfo and misinfo on facebook, instagram, youtube, tiktok, reddit, and/or whatever 8chan replacement one choosed. What they see and read reinforces their pre-conceived (and factually incorrect) views that “experts” “really don’t know shit about anything” and thusly are “blowing things way the fuck outta proportion,” etc. Their views are both informed by, and reinforced by:

what they read and see online

what they hear on FM/AM radio

what they watch on broadcast TV

what their friends and communities consume from media

what the prevailing societal and political attitudes in one’s community are

“rugged individualism” and the post-1980 erosion of the social contract

So, if your fb friends are covid truthers, if the on-air personalities you hear on the radio at work are covid truthers, if your neighbors and friends at werk are covid truthers, if the elected leaders are covid truthers, if the snippets of Fox News you get to see randomly are pushing covid truther disinfo, and if those in your inner circle at that 4th of July party you went to are covid truthers, then you yourself, at a minimum from peer pressure, will dismiss the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, scores of hospital operators, plus countless professionals in medicine and epidemiology in your decision not to get vaccinated, nor to mask up indoors in public even when “recommended”.

“I have rights. I know what’s really going on. I’ve got things figured out.” Or, at a minimum, “I don’t give a fuck either way.” “Fuck you.”

Facebook absolutely is responsible for the covid truther disinfo and misinfo being shared on their platform. I believe they are the largest vector of disinformation and misinformation to the public. So many people are chugging the “vaccines are a scam, masks don’t work and I have rights” kool-aid thanks to disinfo introduced and shared widely on facebook

Some other major vectors of disinfo: iHeartMedia - Premiere Networks - iHeartRadio, Entercom/Audacy, Westwood One, One America News, Fox News, Newsmax, Sinclair Broadcast Group, YouTube + Google, TikTok, and Reddit.

“I saw a video on YouTube where the military did a study…” or “I heard a guy on the radio saying mask mandates are part of a plot…” It's all bullshit!

At this point it cannot be anything but an active choice the leadership at these companies consciously make to pipe out total bullshit in a time of crisis. Content from all of the above easily makes its way to facebook, too, unrestricted!

The U.S continues to spiral into this post fact, post truth, anti-intellectual, anti-science neo-fascist hellscape where no lives matter and where mass death is AOK because “none of us get out of this world alive” or some asshat folksy quip that masks as wisdom. Empathy, reasoning, established facts and observable reality have all become political statements… People hear what they want to hear.

IMO this is truly a disastrous situation with no easy way out.

Many, many people will not wear masks again. Many, many people see the survival rate for coronavirus and they surmise wrongly that the risk for them of getting covid is worth it, that the risk for others isn’t remotely their concern, and that the entire situation is overblown. The social contract is in bad shape. Public confidence in the state is almost gone. Covid truthers are everywhere.

Getting a vaccine requires time off from work to travel to a mass vax site that’s still open, time off to recoup post-shot (if necessary), and overcoming fear that the anti-vax disinfo on social media was true after all. Plus overcoming peer pressure from unvaccinated friends and family.

Covid case numbers are likely undercounts. Test kits are still problematic. Persons with no health insurance have no PCP to call when they get sick. Underinsured persons may have to wait weeks for their approved PCP to get around to a telehealth call. Many people are getting sick and not getting tested and they’re not reporting anything to anyone. State officials, wanting to look good, may skew whatever data is reported to them.

COVID-19 is an airborne virus. Most people catch covid from contagious asymptomatic people. Coronavirus has always been a risk for children! Getting vaccinated is part of an overall good strategy to keep COVID-19 at bay. Masks work!!! If indoors, stay in a ventilated room if you’re with other people, and keep doors and windows open for air circulation. Coronavirus is producing extremely serious long-term cognitive and cardiovascular complications for many people who survive it. “Long covid” is real.

We don’t have to live with this! The political and business leadership in much of the United States today have collectively decided there’s nothing that can or should be done in regards to covid-19, no masking requirements, no easy supplies of N95 masks, and no mitigation efforts of any kind. They wrongly conclude that COVID-19, a new virus with so many unknowns, “isn’t that bad” and so the level of permanent damage or death resulting from covid is acceptable.

None of this is acceptable, the amount of permanent damage and death occurring from COVID-19 is far, far too high, and there’s no rational excuse whatsoever to allow this virus to spread across this country unchecked. There’s no reason to allow this virus to spread further. There’s no valid reason for me and anyone else to justify allowing covid to spread out of control.

#news #coronavirus #third wave #covid vaccine #facebook sucks #please get vaccinated #misinformation #disinformation #america 2021 #rant #ars technica #vaccine hesitancy #anti vaxxer #things are going swimmingly #long post

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uwua3 · 4 years ago

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a3! as seventeen songs + lyrics

🌸🌻🍁❄️ all troupes

author’s note: i love svt so much! they deserve all the success in the world, i promise they’re all a group of such talented and creative individuals ♡ they produce their own music, choreograph their own dances, and work together as a family! please check out seventeen :D

(this is an apology to all the non–kpop stans who still read these~ i love you! please go through their discography like i did today because i fell in love all over again TT) (yes, tsumugi and tasuku’s are meant for each other, once again)

🌸 SPRING 💗

1. SAKUMA SAKUYA

♡ SMILE FLOWER — going seventeen

“I can smile because we’re together / I can cry because it’s you / So, what can’t I do? / Whenever, wherever / Even if we’re not together, just like always / Our smile flowers bloom / I’ll be the spring to your smile”

2. USUI MASUMI

♡ THINKIN ABOUT YOU — director’s cut

“I want to give you my heart / Deep in our memories / We were so young, those days were so pretty / Each flower petal, each memory of ours / I haven’t forgotten any of them”

3. MINAGI TSUZURU

♡ THANKS — you made my dawn

“These typical words / I’m only saying them now / But, I hope these typical words will reach you / Thank you, thank you, that’s all I can say / Because they’re such common words / I was worried it wouldn’t sound sincere / I was looking for something better than just thank you / So, I couldn’t tell you thank you”

4. CHIGASAKI ITARU

♡ STILL LONELY — love&letter

“As time goes by, I’m feeling indifferent to everything / I’m sick of meaningless hangouts and conversations / It’s like living for other people’s expectations / And all of it piles up / All the numbers I don’t call / This cursed popularity. Why won’t it leave me alone? / But, why am I getting lonelier?”

5. CITRON

♡ LUCKY — an ode

“I don’t know everyday, I only think about tomorrow / Just have fun today, enjoy life / So, relax first / It’s easier than you thought it would be, just eat and have fun”

🌻 SUMMER 💛

6. SUMERAGI TENMA

♡ CRAZY IN LOVE — AI1

“What I thought only happened in moves or TV shows / Something like that is happening to me, too / It started as one strand and it sprouted into emotional fireworks / There’s a line in this movie that says love comes around / I didn’t understand before but, I understand now”

7. RURIKAWA YUKI

♡ SIMPLE — love&letter (repackaged)

“In this big world, I know I’m like a particle of dust / Nothing is easy in this exit–less, maze–like world / Happiness is only a word / It’s just a dream that everyone wants / But, that doesn’t make sense / I don’t even want to believe that / Yeah, I just want it simple”

8. MIYOSHI KAZUNARI

♡ OH MY! — you make my day

“You’re like the summer without the overbearing heat / You’re the boiling point to my loneliness / I can’t sleep because of you and it’s morning already / What do I do? / I like you more each day / I’m a bit careless and clumsy / Let’s hum together / Let’s share earphones / On the sketchbook of my brain, I draw you out everyday”

9. SAKISAKA MUKU

♡ WHEN I GROW UP — boys be

“I know, I’m still a child now / I can’t catch up to you yet / Only a little while more / As more time passes, when I grow up / I’ll understand you more”

10. IKARUGA MISUMI

♡ OUR DAWN IS HOTTER THAN DAY — you make my day

“Our night is countless / Between the stars and the sand / On the sound of a fireball that shoots firecrackers / Our laughing smile / When I am spreading from me to you / My tears are gone”

🍁 AUTUMN 🧡

11. SETTSU BANRI

♡ SHHH — you made my dawn

“I want to fight and worry, that’s all I want to do / I don’t think it’s all my own illusion / It’s not a lie inspired by the moment / I can’t desire anyone, my heart is burning / Because, I will never change / We are never gonna make it / It’s you and me who’s hurt by lies”

12. HYODO JUZA

♡ TRAUMA — teen, age

“I’m barely breathing / Like I forgot how / It’s too hard for me / To be lenient with myself / Feels like debt / All the light on me / The stage is getting bigger / But, the place in my heart is so small”

13. FUSHIMI OMI

♡ SNAP SHOOT — an ode

“Snap shoot! I want to capture this smile / Your image, this way / Click the shutter, rewind the film again / You try to show off your coolness in the picture / But, your smile in just one photo / My whole life is shot like that”

14. NANAO TAICHI

♡ SPACE — love&letter (repackaged)

“I ask myself again and again / If I can endure through these things / Then, as if it’s nothing, I say, ‘Why can’t I?’ / Actually, it’s been really hard / The fact there’s not a single person / Who will listen to my secrets that / I’ve been keeping makes me sad / This reality makes me cry”

15. FURUICHI SAKYO

♡ CALL! CALL! CALL! — we make you

“Even if the world turns against you / Until the very end, we’ll be together / I will protect you no matter what / Despite what anyone says, I’ll be right here / If it’s another bothersome request my way, I don’t want to be hasty or impatient anymore / I won’t be like that anymore / Even if I’m problematic, I’m always on your side”

❄️ WINTER 💙

16. TSUKIOKA TSUMUGI

♡ MY I — AI1

“When I meet you after time passes / I’ll know (you were my future) / I’ll know (I was your yesterday) / When I meet you after time passes / I’ll know (you protected me) / I’ll know (I desired you)”

17. TAKOTO TASUKU

♡ DON’T WANNA CRY — AI1

“I’m okay (I’m not okay) / I don’t want to see you (I really want to see you) / I have to say, say / These lies that / Don’t even come from my heart / Because my heart won’t listen to these words as I thought / Come back, come back, come back / When half of me is gone / How can I live as one?”

18. YUKISHIRO AZUMA

♡ MOONWALKER — you make my day

“Night dancing for you / Let’s call you in the moonlight / A little bit like that / I feel loved for the first time / The fragance and value of the first blooming flower / I want you more”

19. ARISUGAWA HOMARE

♡ LOVE LETTER — love&letter

“I awkwardly take out a pen & paper / And write down the words I had deeply swallowed / My handwriting isn’t pretty / Please, don’t be disappointed / Please let it go if I suck / Worrying all night about my bad handwriting / Which is about as bad as how I express my feelings / I try to sincerly express myself but I can’t get it out”

20. MIKAGE HISOKA

♡ RUN TO YOU — director’s cut

“Holding back my tears, hiding my fear / I will go to you, I was about to sleep / But, I woke up from thinking of you and went outside / I was walking, but I started running like my heart / Even though I don’t know where you are / I’m following the compass of my heart / Slowly looking through the map of my heart / Then, I can find you, who cares if it’s a bit far? I’ll follow the line that connects us two”

#spring troupe #summer troupe #autumn troupe #winter troupe #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #svt #seventeen #svt songs #seventeen songs #mankai a3!#mankai company

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demoisverysexy · 3 years ago

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What is Truth?: A Faltering Mormon Epistemology

So this is my church talk from this past week. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I thought I'd share it here. Do be warned that this is like, full of theology, philosophy, and Christian and Mormon stuff. So if that's not your cup of tea, get out while you still can! But I can say that my takes on religion might be out of the box enough for some people to maybe consider staying longer than the might normally. I hope you enjoy it, or at least can tolerate that I'm posting it. :3

One of my favorite exchanges in all of scripture takes place in John 18. Here, Jesus has been betrayed by Judas, Peter has denied knowing him, and his other disciples have fled, leaving him to be arrested and mocked by the religious leaders of the day. And then, he has this strange conversation with the Roman governor, Pilate:

33 Then Pilate entered into the judgment hall again, and called Jesus, and said unto him, Art thou the King of the Jews?

34 Jesus answered him, Sayest thou this thing of thyself, or did others tell it thee of me?

35 Pilate answered, Am I a Jew? Thine own nation and the chief priests have delivered thee unto me: what hast thou done?

36 Jesus answered, My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence.

37 Pilate therefore said unto him, Art thou a king then? Jesus answered, Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.

38 Pilate saith unto him, What is truth? … (John 18:33-38)

In this exchange, Jesus articulates brilliantly the difference between how his kingdom operates, and how the nations and kingdoms of the world operate. While the nations of the world legitimize themselves through violence, Christ’s kingdom is legitimized and sustained by truth, and those who seek and witness it. While the nations of the world are marked by division, anyone who is of the truth is a follower of Christ.

Pilate’s reaction to Christ is telling, I think. He doesn’t know what to make of him. Pilate lives in a world of the rulers and the ruled, the conquerors and the conquered. In short, he lives in a world where winning is everything. The kind of world that Jesus posits is incompatible with- incomprehensible to, even - the world in which Pilate lives. In Pilate’s question, “What is truth?” I think there lies a deep, abiding cynical skepticism of the truth Jesus offers. Or any truth, for that matter.

But what is truth? Even if Pilate’s question was delivered cynically, it’s still important to ask. Countless philosophers and theologians throughout the ages have had different ideas on that. In the medieval era, the common idea that truth was centered primarily on God, and his Word in the Bible is the key to accessing his truth. Then came the renaissance, and people began to use human reason and observation to discover truths, which gave birth to science as we know it today. Other philosophers thought truth was reached through competing ideas being synthesized, or that there was no single viewpoint capable of describing every possible truth. I think each of these views has something unique to add to the discussion on what truth is, and - much to the chagrin of anyone who knows me well - I will talk about them at length with anyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot.

For this talk, though, I’m going to focus on what truth does. I think that understanding how truth works is essential to understanding what it is, and how to find it. More though, I think looking at truth in this way can help us know how to better hear the voice of Christ, and understand what he is trying to tell us. To help with this, I will be focusing on something of a look at a case study: the events leading up to Joseph Smith’s First Vision.

Joseph Smith grew up during the Second Great Awakening, a time of great religious upheaval. Lots of religious groups were springing up, all passionate in their love for Christ and the pursuit of the truth. But that passion, sadly, quickly turned into strife. As Joseph puts it in Joseph Smith History,

For, notwithstanding the great love which the converts to these different faiths expressed at the time of their conversion, and the great zeal manifested by the respective clergy, who were active in getting up and promoting this extraordinary scene of religious feeling, in order to have everybody converted, as they were pleased to call it, let them join what sect they pleased; yet when the converts began to file off, some to one party and some to another, it was seen that the seemingly good feelings of both the priests and the converts were more pretended than real; for a scene of great confusion and bad feeling ensued—priest contending against priest, and convert against convert; so that all their good feelings one for another, if they ever had any, were entirely lost in a strife of words and a contest about opinions. (JSH 1:6)

These people, in their pursuit for truth, turned against each other, filled with anger and hatred for each other. Each one of them was so convinced of their rightness, and so convinced that the simple fact of having the Correct Information was sufficient to satisfy their own Righteousness, that anyone who did not have enough of the Correct Information was less righteous, and therefore less worthy. And what they were arguing about was the message of Christ’s love! In using the fact of Christ’s love for us as a weapon, they, as Paul puts it, “changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator,” (Rom. 1:25).

And because of the anger, contention, and confusion caused by the dissonance between truth and hatred, Joseph couldn’t find the truth. In his words,

...so great were the confusion and strife among the different denominations, that it was impossible for a person young as I was, and so unacquainted with men and things, to come to any certain conclusion who was right and who was wrong. (JSH 1:8)

Whatever these people were doing, it wasn’t spreading messages of truth. Divorced from love, and tethered to anger, hate and disgust, these believers of all backgrounds were incapable of listening to one another, learning from each other, and finding the truth. Worse, their strife made it hard for other seekers of truth to find it themselves.

If strife, hatred, and disgust cause truth to flee to the nearest exit, then I think that it is safe to assume that when love is present, so too is truth. Where there is truth, there is love, and where love resides, so too does truth. This leads me to one of the defining aspects of what truth does: It causes love to increase. To find truth, we must have love, and once found, truth increases the amount of love we have. Paul puts this beautifully in Ephesians 3, where he describes his wish for the saints in Ephesus:

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. (Eph 3:17-19)

Grounded in love, we are more capable of seeing the truth. And seeing the truth, we come to know of the love of Christ, and are thus filled with “the fulness of God.” And as John puts it, “God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him,” (1 Jn 4:16). To be rooted in the love is to be rooted in God, and it is only rooted in love that truth can be found.

This love is not thoughtless, and it is not blind, however. If it was, it would be incapable of seeing the truth. The love of which Paul and John are speaking of here is the love that Christ has for us: a love that functions as a form of deep understanding. Animated by the desire to see things as themselves, this understanding makes love possible, by helping us to know how best to address the needs of those around us. I think this understanding of love might help us understand how central to Christ’s atonement was his experience of our suffering, pain and sin. As Alma puts it,

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance… (Alma 7:11-13)

On Alma’s account, Christ’s embodied understanding of us was - and is - central to the love and mercy he offers us. Without it, the miracle of his atonement would not be possible.

Understanding and truth as Christ does is central to loving as he does. And loving as Christ does - loving all, even our enemies, radically, fully, and unconditionally - is central to holding truth. More, in loving our enemies, we become more capable of seeing and understanding the truth. Adam S. Miller, my favorite Mormon theologian, puts this idea brilliantly in his book, Future Mormon:

Even sinners love those who love them. Even sinners love those who repeat what they want to hear and confirm what they already know. But such love is thoughtless. Those who hold the truth and are fearless in it will be marked by their confidence that every truth can be thought again-indeed, must be thought again-from the position of the enemy. Their confidence in this extension of the truth will be rooted in God’s promise that the truth must rise on the evil and the good, it must rain down on both the just and the unjust. All truths, in order to be truths, must be thinkable from the position of the enemy. All truths must be thinkable as an act of love for the enemy (71-72).

What if we, as Christ advises, “turn the other cheek?” What if we turn to see what our enemies are looking at? What if we were to try to see what we, from our limited perspectives, are missing? Animated by love, we are humble and fearless enough to know that we do not know everything. We recognize that we are all too shortsighted to know all that we must know, and that it is only through “the least of these, [our] brethren,” that we can hope to more fully see the truth, and in so doing, be filled with the love of God.

I admit now, that this is not really about truth. Or if it is, it is only about truth as much as it is about love. Love is really the central point: Without love, there is no truth. More, as Paul puts it:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not [love], I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not [love], I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not [love], it profiteth me nothing. (1 Cor 13:1-3)

Absent love, knowledge, power, faith, and miracles are nothing. More, without love, we are nothing. Goodness, knowledge, miracles, and faith only gain their power as such through love., and it is only through love that we can be fully ourselves.

[Love] suffereth long, and is kind; [love] envieth not; [love] vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. [Love] never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. (1 Cor 13:4-8)

Animated by love, filled to the brim, we will have everything we need to seek after the truth: humility, patience, joy in the truth, hope, endurance (all traits that the best scientists, philosophers, and other professional truth-seekers share). Even if we don’t have a full understanding of the truth (which is a sure bet), and even if we are wrong (which is also probably the case), if we have love, we can’t go wrong.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, [love], these three; but the greatest of these is [love]. (1 Cor 13:9-13)

If God is to be believed (and I think we should trust him on this, at the very least), there are “many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God,” that are yet to be revealed (Articles of Faith 1:9). There is so much we don’t know: Things that others have learned but we haven’t figured out yet, things that we’re just on the cusp of figuring out, things that we can’t even begin to comprehend. In the meantime, we must be ready for it. And it is only through love, the greatest and most important virtue, which never faileth, that we can be ready for the challenging truths that God sends our way.

In our own pursuit of truth, if we are guided by love, we will have all the tools we need to find the truth. Alma, talking about faith, outlines how this process plays out in our lives:

Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me. Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge. (Alma 32:28 -29)

Growth isn’t always pleasant. It often hurts quite a bit, to grow physically or as a person. But filled with love for God and the truth, we will be able to tell that the swelling we feel within us is enlarging our souls, and making room within us for an increase of love. Once we give place in our hearts for the truth, even if we do not have a perfect knowledge, we will be filled with the sweetness of the truth, which will in turn fill us with love. Truth fills us with love, and love makes us seek out the truth, hungry for more.

Joseph Smith, when he was seeking for the truth, discovered another resource to find the truth: God himself. In his studies of the scriptures, he stumbled upon one scripture that stuck out to him in particular: 1 John 1:5. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” If our own faltering ability to love is not enough to help us find the truths we cannot see, then God, in his infinite mercy and love for us, is more than happy to provide what we lack. This truth of God’s love and willingness to provide to his children shocks Joseph. He has tasted of this truth, and he becomes hungry for more. As he puts it,

Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; (JSH 1: 12)

But Joseph did know what to do. He had just enough love and truth in him now to know what he needed to do next. And once he did that, the truth and love he received was beyond anything he could previously imagine. That is a story for another time (though I’m pretty confident you all know how that story ends), but I think that this moment shows how the life of a truth seeker appears: as a constant hungering for truth, which in turn leads to an increase in love and understanding, which, once again, leads us to seek more truth. And so it goes.

Returning to the exchange between Pilate and Jesus, I think it’s safe to say that while we might understand truth a little better, we still don’t have an answer to Pilate’s question. But we understand something Pilate doesn’t I think: The truth that the Christ was talking about: “To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.” The truth that Jesus is speaking of is the truth of his love for us, and by extension, his Father’s love for us. Knowledge fails us, prophecies fail us, our loved ones will fail us, even we will fail ourselves. But God and his love will never fail us. Trusting in his love for us, and loving him in turn, we will be filled with the sweetness of the truths he offers, and a sight clear enough and a heart big enough to seek out the truth ourselves. And when we fail to love, and miss the truth, God and Christ, in their great love for us, will fill us all the more with their love and truth. And thus filled with love, we will have the courage to embrace whatever truths God sends our way.

#religion #theology #mormonism #christianity #philosophy #queerstake

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