#I am so happy my favorite documentary series is back

[legionofpotatoes]

legendary-tier prehistoric blorbo drop on day one of season 2. incredible

[justanotherbirdbrain-blog]

Hello, I was reading through your posts and couldn’t help but be inspired for a fictional material by some minerals and metals having an effect on the surroundings. If it’s not a chore, could you please provide any real world examples of how some minerals have effect on the environment. Something like affecting the structural integrity of, dyeing, or any other effects on the surrounding rock. Apologies if the question is not well worded or I’ve made an incorrect assumption, I know nothing of geology myself :)

Boy, I am so ridiculously happy you asked me that! It is one of my more favorite subjects! I will break this up into three sections, first to talk about environmental effects (this will include ideas of like mountain shapes, natural disasters, contamination of water, and even how streams look), then we will talk a bit about industry (what minerals are used for what, and how do they effect the people using them), then I will talk briefly about infrastructure before directing you to a documentary series that is old but does in fact explain all of this far better than I ever could hope to. This is kind of an extension of my economic trade and mining posts, so I will try to talk about similar but not the same topics! I feel like for the best results they should all be read together!

Environment: Some minerals that occur naturally are incredibly unstable at the surface, and when they breakdown it can really harm the environment. I am originally from Pennsylvania and a big problem in that area was something called Acid Mine Drainage, which is, in the simplest words, when sulfide minerals (in PA's case, pyrite) break down and lower the pH of the soil and water. This effectively kills most things living in the environment and can even be strong enough to cause skin irritations.

A great idea in a fictional world may be an old mining district that was abandoned and rediscovered with toxic water.

Something else that is small and thought about much less probably is something that happens when you boil water. If you pull well water (or groundwater) and boil it something that you may notice is a white ring form around your pots and pans. This is because your soil or rocks have access calcium and when you boil your water it precipitates out. This is not harmful, but it is something that will vary based off locations, and could effect ones health in a positive way (calcium is a very important nutrient).

But taking a step back from human health, lets look at large scale differences that can be effected by minerals/different types of rocks

The first thing to consider is how can a landscape look? typically when you have metamorphic(excluding schists) or intrusive igneous rocks (granite and whatnot) typically you will see doming, well-rounded mountains vs. sedimentary rocks where you might see distinct layering as some layers are more soft than others.

More mountainous locations, regardless of rock type will have more braided rivers, and places that have lower elevation change will be more meandering rivers. The bottom of the riverbed also changes! in older mountain ranges you would expect to see more metamorphic rocks exposed to the surface as the top of the mountain range has already been eroded, while fresh new mountain ranges might have a larger diversity of rocks within the river. Something I distinctly remember from going to North Carolina for the first time was seeing all the glittering mica in the creek beds there because the Appalachians are a very old mountain range.

Always remember: The rocks in the river reflect what is in the mountain!

But how can this effect how does this effect people? crystalline rocks are typically safer mountains to live in than sedimentary rock mountains, because they have very little variation and are less likely to break across planes of weakness, that said they are usually poorer in resources for older time periods other than for making things like stone for building houses and harvesting silica to make glass. There are of course exceptions to this, but for the most part this is true.

Sedimentary rocks mountains on the other hand are more dangerous in causing landslides and sinkholes, however they are usually rich in resources like clay, coal, oil, and even in some causes be rich enough in metals to be mined for iron. Chert is also a sedimentary rock that is used a lot in Native American cultures to make arrowheads, spearheads, and basic cutting tools, though this is way out of my realm of knowledge.

Industry: I have already hinted at some of these but I will try to talk purely about different things in this section! First lets talk about lead, my Roman empire is the Roman empire collapsing due to lead poisoning. Galena, a lead sulfide, is a rock formed in some sedimentary rocks and in hydrothermal environments (hot water injecting into cold rocks), hydrothermal activity can be present in past volcanic environments, during metamorphism, or even on the ocean floor. These are accessible in many locations is what I am trying to say, and lead is VERY appealing until you know it poisons you. It has a very low melting point meaning it is easy to work with, it is resistant to corroding, and it even imparts a sweet flavor and was used during the Roman empire to sweeten food without the addition of sugar or honey. Later, it was used due to its white color to make one look paler than they truly were because staying inside was a status symbol, added to glass to lower the melting point and increase the time it could be 'worked with' and the added side effect was that it made glass more shiny which then made it popular in jewelry. Lead was also used in paints, and dozens of other things, but it is time to move on.

Lets talk about paint colors that were available based on rocks! Clays and sedimentary rocks typically contained red to yellow hued pigments (think rust and earthy tones), so those colors would be seen more in art in areas dominated by sediments than say, green (unless there is a plant that can produce a strong enough pigment). Metamorphic rocks/hydrothermally altered rocks are more likely to produce colors like greens and blues and vibrant reds. What creates these colors is usually copper and mercury will create vibrant reds.

Scheele's green was a popular green that was created by an arsenic-bearing mineral that killed many people during the Victorian era.

Let's also briefly talk about how rocks could effect cosmetics! glittery eyeshadows, highlighter and other things we use today often use the mineral mica, which is a metamorphic mineral. It stands to reason that having shimmery makeup trend would be more likely in places that could supply it. Chalk could also presumably be used as a cosmetic which is a sedimentary rock, so maybe they could value matted and paler looks?

Another random thing that I have been dying to mention but couldn't think about a post it would fit in but imagine asbestos clothes that was a thing! Obviously people didn't know that it was bad for you at the time, and it seemed a miracle because it would be unaffected by fire and it was FABRIC made from ROCKS. Again, this is only found in places where asbestos is found, so like low temp metamorphic mafic/ultramafic rocks (essentially take the ocean floor and heat it up a little and BAM asbestos).

anywayyyyy, I truly truly believe the results are endless in this regard. I know very little in terms of history, so I am sure there are many others that can add to this in a very significant way.

Infrastructure: This one is probably the most obvious, but in terms of strength in building, different rock choices will be chosen. There is a reason marble is used to make pillars. Though the general rule of thumb is that massive rocks are generally more resilient to breaking, this includes sandstone for sedimentary rocks, granites/diorites/gabbros for igneous rocks, and marbles and quartzites for metamorphic rocks. Foliation or layering in a rock can also be abused like using slate for shingles and chalk boards and schist also for roofing.

The documentary that talks about most of these things: Journey to the Centre of the Earth: Art and Journey to the Centre of the Earth: Architecture. It is an older documentary series but I genuinely love Ian Stewart and all of his geology documentaries. You can also find both of these for free on YouTube I strongly recommend you find a legal version of this!

Anyway sorry for replying late my work has been piling up lately! Feel free to ask anymore questions! Also I didn't proofread this so if there is any grammar issues I am sorry.

[sixty-silver-wishes]

ranking every hyperfixation I can remember having

Fish: Since I was two years old up until like, middle school, I was obsessed with fish and sea life in general. I wanted to be a marine biologist for years. I still cry when I go to aquariums because seeing all the kids watching the fish reminds me of myself at that age. 8/10. Basic hyperfixation, but fish are still pretty cool

The American Flag: For some reason, I remember having an American flag phase in preschool. Not even having to do with America or American history or some other reason; I just thought the flag itself went hard. I can't tell you why. 2/10 because my patriotism levels are at an all time low as of now

Spin the Globe: Spin the Globe was the animated host of National Geographic's "Really Wild Animals," a series of wildlife documentaries for children. For some reason, I latched onto this guy HARD when I was in kindergarten.

I watched the ocean one every day, to the point where I memorized it and spent the whole class day writing down the script from memory (I don't understand how I didn't get my ADHD diagnosis until I was an adult). I rewatched the ocean documentary last year for some nostalgia, and I found out that Spin was REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING. I don't know what 5 year old me was thinking. 1/10.

The Wonder Pets: This was my favorite show when I was in, like, first grade. Unfortunately, that's right about the age where kids think it's cool to joke about brutally murdering children's show characters to prove how mature they are, so really liking a children's show was social suicide. The animation in Wonder Pets did slap tho. 4/10

Power Lab VBS Bible Buddies: Like I said, my hyperfixations were weird as a kid. I was raised Baptist Christian, and every year, my church held a VBS (Vacation Bible School), which for those who don't know, is basically a five-day Christian summer camp. Each day, they would hand out these figurines called "Bible Buddies," which each were supposed to represent a different lesson about the Bible. One year (I think I was in second grade?) the theme was "Power Lab," which had a science laboratory theme. These were the "Buddies" for that year:

I used to play with the figurines of these guys all the time. I can't tell you why, but I thought they were so cool. I also think I was enamored with the lightning bolt lady for some reason? Anyway I'm giving these guys a 4/10. Low score for lameness, but points for originality.

Word Girl: I was raised with PBS as a kid because I didn't have cable until maybe second grade, and I LOVED Word Girl. And I majored in English, so I think that explains a lot. The humor of that show still holds up, and I was so happy to see it made a comeback with fans last year. 8/10; would watch Word Girl again

The Future is Wild: When we finally got cable, my sister and I watched a lot of Discovery Kids. Our favorite show was The Future is Wild, which was a sort of speculative evolution sci-fi for children. These characters would go on adventures in the future and learn things about the animals that lived in environments that had been altered due to global events, and I really liked all the creatures, especially the "Ocean Phantom." Also looking back I think I may have had a crush on CG? Her annoying-ass voice and drama trying to balance working for her father vs. being loyal to her friends had me in a chokehold

6/10. Batshit insane show (I mean. it is in the title), but we love women in STEM

A Series of Unfortunate Events: This is the mother of all my more recent hyperfixations. Something was set in motion here that could not be reversed. 10/10 hyperfixation. this book series made me who I am

Guardians of Ga'Hoole: Along with Unfortunate Events, I was also into the ridiculously violent middle-grade animal xenofiction series in elementary school. I loved these books, and I was so disappointed when the movie came out because of all the ways it diverged from the plot. 8/10 for antifascism and owls, but points docked off because I could never get far in the DS game

Pokemon: So, my mom was pretty sheltering when I was really little, so there was no Pokemon or Harry Potter in the house until I was in 4th grade and she loosened up some. I'd wanted to get into Pokemon for a long time because everyone brought the cards to recess, and one of my friends gave me a holographic Mew card that she said was "really special." My mom threw it away, along with the rest of the cards my friend gave me, because she didn't like the words "psychic" or "evolution" on there lol. But once I was allowed to play my first Pokemon game (Heartgold), I got really into it. If my old Deviantart can be found somewhere in the dark, dark corners of the internet, it was filled with awful Pokemon MS paint drawings. Sometimes I still think about them. 7/10, because I still like Pokemon a lot, but docking points off because my Pokemon hyperfixation introduced me to the more unsavory parts of the internet at a young age.

Harry Potter: This one goes hand-in-hand with the Pokemon thing. Because Harry Potter was forbidden fruit in my household until my mom eventually decided it wasn't that bad, I got really into it when I was a kid. It was less about Harry Potter itself, but more about the fact that I could finally experience something that everyone else had been enjoying for so long. Obviously now that JK Rowling is, well, JK Rowling, I've distanced myself from Harry Potter, and have begun to think about it more critically, but just like everyone else that used to be into it, it did give me some fond memories. 1/10, with the 1 point going solely to Neil Cicierega.

My Little Pony: Got into it in fifth grade and watched it up until freshman year of high school. Not a lot to say about it to be honest; I liked some of the fan works well enough, and I don't have any strong feelings on it now. 5/10

Doctor Who: Oh god; who didn't have a Doctor Who phase in middle school? This was me at my most obnoxious. I constantly wore my 10th Doctor "Allons-y" shirt everywhere I could, and even insisted on wearing 3D glasses at times (I still have them). I quoted the damn show in every conversation (I used to be able to recite the "wibbly wobbly timey wimey" monologue word for word). I'm just glad I didn't get the Hot Topic TARDIS dress that I wanted for so long. I keep finding Doctor Who merch in my room, long after I thought I'd cleared it all out. To be clear, I don't hate Doctor Who, but it just brings up a lot of memories of the annoying kid I used to be in the past. 6.5/10

Celtic Woman: Celtic Woman was the first band I actually got really into. I'd been introduced to their music through Endless Ocean 2, and I would spend hours listening to them and watching their concert videos. Unfortunately, being a middle schooler and listening primarily to Celtic folk music and inspirational songs is not a very good combination, but it is satisfying to see all the people who probably would have bullied me back then dancing to "Teir Abhaile Riu" on TikTok. "Dulaman" was my favorite song, and I was tragically determined to sing it for a good while, despite not knowing any Irish Gaelic. I miss the original band, but their new stuff is all right. 7/10

The Legend of Zelda: More specifically, Skull Kid. My first Zelda game was Ocarina of Time, but Majora's Mask was really the peak of my hyperfixation. Skull Kid was easily my favorite character, and I once dressed up as him to school during Spirit Week. I also really liked Fierce Deity Link, and would roleplay both him and Skull Kid on DeviantArt. But the biggest impact my Zelda hyperfixation had on me was kickstarting my love of playing music. I took piano lessons for a short while and started out playing Zelda songs, and I was always listening to video game soundtracks. I switched over to violin later and also took up the ocarina (which I did get pretty serious about for a while. You won't see me playing video game songs anymore, but I still love to play.) 8/10 for the impact, with points taken off because I kept starting games but never finishing them

Lord of the Rings: Got really into Tolkien in high school. My best friend and I bonded over the books, and I also ended up reading the Silmarillion and Unfinished Tales. I didn't really get into the fandom because I was sort of "outgrowing" fandom culture at this time, but even though it's been a while, I still really like Tolkien. 9/10

The Aztec Empire: Did a report on the Aztec Empire in high school and was really interested it for a while, especially Aztec mythology and sacrificial rituals. 7/10 because I feel like the sacrifice stuff held my attention a lot more than it should have, and I feel like I absorbed a lot of misinformation about it

Medieval Europe: I have an on-and-off Medieval European history phase that comes and goes. Mainly, I'm interested in literature; I read Beowulf and the Canterbury Tales for fun in high school, and I was unfortunately very obnoxious about that. I did study Medieval history and Arthurian legends in college though, so that was neat. 7/10 because saying you're interested in Medieval history sometimes has to come with a disclaimer

Sweeney Todd: My favorite musical, and a big hyperfixation for a while. My best friend played Judge Turpin in high school, and we were both really into "Sweeney" to the point of permanently adopting lines from it into our regular conversations, even today. We even went to see it on Broadway together, which was awesome. 9/10, with one point off because I hate explaining to people why the Tim Burton version Sucks

Classical Music History: Specifically Shostakovich. I like a lot of other composers too, but this was a BIG phase. We're talking three years of research, writing long essays, Russian language and Soviet history classes, working for a Shostakovich journal, learning music, etc. I wasn't even doing this for a career; I just really, really liked Shostakovich a lot in college. I started getting into classical music in high school, but college was when I stopped being an idiot about it. 9/10, with a point taken off because I used to be an idiot about it

Sea Shanties: This falls into my wider love of folk music, but shanties and sea songs got me through college and working a minimum-wage job during the pandemic. 9/10; very fun to sing while in the car with friends

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari: Currently hyperfixated on classic films, but this one in general. You've seen my blog. 8/10, because it's a great movie with a lot to hyperfixate on, but points off because it's so hard to want to discuss this with people in public.

Tom Waits: Another current one. I listen to at least two full albums every day, usually "The Black Rider" (which could have its own spot on this list). Meeting a fellow Tom Waits fan in public is the best feeling ever, but telling someone that you like Tom Waits to someone who doesn't know who Tom Waits is sometimes means weird results. Like, someone asked me once if he was a new indie musician. I just want to know what they thought his music was like. 10/10 hyperfixation. no notes

Honorable mentions for smaller hyperfixations I've had over the years, in no particular chronological order:

Gila Monsters (9/10)

Klaus Nomi (9/10)

Hamilton (3/10)

Victorian literature (7/10)

Current events (0/10)

Japan's Torii Gate (5/10. I just thought it looked really cool when I was a kid)

Deaths on Mt. Everest (8/10)

The Oceangate disaster (3/10)

Parakeets (7/10)

House of Leaves (10/10)

Encanto (7.5/10)

My best friend (9/10. Great friend but unfortunately I misidentified it as a crush for many years)

My first ex (0/10)

W.I.T.C.H. (4/10)

This thing:

(Its name is Mathra and it's from an educational kids' game called ClueFinders. I pretended it was my friend when I was little and I drew it all the time, then got embarrassed when people asked what I was drawing)

Lord of the Flies (7/10)

Finding Nemo (6/10)

The Russian language (7/10)

Edgar Allan Poe (8/10)

Ivan Ivanovich Sollertinsky (8.5/10)

Nikolai Gogol (8/10)

In conclusion. it's weird to me that I think my most niche and bizarre hyperfixations were from when I was a really little kid lol

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

hello, i notice that your request were open and was wondering you could do a matchup for me? preferably for demon slayer, jujutsu kaisen, and one piece.

i'm 20 years old, hispanic, a virgo, and use she/her pronouns.

appearance: 4'11. pear body shape. shoulder length hair. dark brown eyes. sometimes wears glasses.

personality: i'm a little awkward and distant at first. mostly wanting to know if your intentions are good or not. but once i get to know you and feel comfortable around you... i can be quite sarcastic, honest (to the point where it has gotten me in trouble), very curious, mischievous, stubborn, a little odd, calm, and patient. talking is depending, i guess? i mostly talk out of necessity or, if asked, unless i wholeheartedly love and trust you so much. i also tend to ramble a lot when a subject that i know and/or love is brought up. i can be prideful to the point where i don't want to apologize, but i am learning that it's okay to make mistakes and that i am not always right or know all.

hobbies: listening to music. playing games. reading. stargazing. watching [anime, documentaries, movies, series, etc].

likes: art, cats & dogs, dr. pepper, fashion, music, reading, stargazing, webtoon/manhwas.

dislikes: coffee, heights, hot temperature/weather, insects, overcrowded places, when people make fun of me for being a picky eater

love language(s): gift giving and acts of service.

extra: i really want to have tattoos. my favorite colors are pink and green. physical touch kind of scares me. and i always want to look good even if i'm just going grocery shopping.

sorry for the request being so long ^^' and i hope you have a wonderful day!

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long.

You didn't specify whether you would prefer a male or female matchup (or if you didn't have a preference) so I've given you a male and female matchup for each fandom. As a result, the headcanons for each character are a bit shorter than normal. If you'd like more headcanons for any of the characters, please let me know and I'll happily write some up for you.

I hope you like your matchups!

In Demon Slayer, I match you with...

Modern au Tanjiro is definitely a fan of webtoons. I can’t explain that, it’s just a feeling. He’d love to get some suggestions from you so you can talk about your favourite comics together.

More than willing to get rid of bugs for you. He’ll move them so they’re not bothering you and let them go somewhere they’ll be happy so they don’t come back.

You and Kanao are certainly a quiet couple but you get each other in ways others can’t. She might not say much but she’s very empathetic and understands you well.

She’s not a big fan of crowded places either so is more than happy to avoid those with you. If you do have to go somewhere crowded, Kanao will stay as close to you as possible without touching you so you’re both comfortable.

In Jujutsu Kaisen, I match you with...

I don’t see Megumi as a huge fan of physical touch himself so he’s more than happy to have his personal space. If you’re comfortable with linking pinkies while you walk or even just occasionally touching ankles while sitting together, he’s happy with that as well.

Enjoys watching documentaries with you. He finds them interesting and enjoys hearing you add any extra facts throughout. He’s always paying really close attention too so expect him to remember those details even months down the track.

Nobara is the outgoing sass to your quiet mischief. You’re actually a super chaotic and unstoppable due when put together so it’s great for you two and terrible for everyone else.

Oh, she’s so happy you like fashion. She might not be the most girly-girl out there but she’s still a teenage girl and can appreciate some good outfits when the mood strikes her.

In One Piece, I match you with...

You and Usopp would definitely be the art due of the crew. You’ve both got that creative spark in you and are more than happy to give each other feedback and advice when the other is stuck on something.

Since you’re both mischievous as well, I can see the two of you being the pranksters of the crew. No one is safe from your pranks. Hopefully you can run fast though, otherwise you might not always escape scott-free…

Vivi loves stargazing with you. She finds it super relaxing. Bonus points if you’re rambling about the stars. Vivi loves listening to you talk about your passions so it’s a win-win in her book.

Definitely not someone to tease you for being a picky eater. In fact, since she’s got access to private chefs, she’ll be able to ensure all of your meals are designed so you enjoy every bite.

[theawkwardanglophile]

TheAwkwardAnglophile's Year in TV shows: 2022

It seems I've started a tradition, and even though I know only very few people will actually see or read this, it's still fun to put together. This is my third time doing this. Feel free to check out my lists for 2021 and 2020 as well.

My criteria for shows making the list is the show either aired new content in 2022, or I'd never watched it before. So, while I did several rewatches, those didn't count. Also, beware: SPOILERS ABOUND! Here's the list in alphabetical order:

Abbott Elementary: What a perfect little sitcom that just stormed onto the scene after so many beloved sitcoms had gone off the air the last few years. They deserve all the accolades! It is genuinely hilarious. Ava probably makes me laugh harder than any of them, and of course I'm here for Janine and Gregory.

Andor: Holy crap, I was not expecting to be drawn into this show as much as I was. What a brilliant deep dive into the Star Wars universe. So many layers and subtleties to it. Luthen's monologue BLEW ME AWAY, and I looooved the prison escape. You get such a better understanding of how terrifyingly far the Empire's reach went.

Baymax: I was expecting a full-blown series, so I was very disappointed to find only 6 short episodes that were only a few minutes long. However, it was more Baymax, which is always a good thing. I think my favorite was the episode Kiko, which had Mrs. Kim from Gilmore Girls (Emily Kuroda)!

Blockbuster: I know it got cancelled, but I actually kind of enjoyed it. It wasn't the best, but it had potential. There were a few genuinely funny moments for me, and I think the episode where they do inventory was my favorite.

The Book of Boba Fett: Ok, so I know there are a lot of Fett fans out there from the past 40 years, but I'm indifferent to Boba. But I found a lot to enjoy in this show. I liked watching Boba connect with the Tusken Raiders. However, the pacing and structure were terrible, Fennec was underutilized, and the Mos Espa "power rangers" left me scratching my head. The BEST PART of it all was the Mandalorian season 2.5 they snuck in there! Watching Grogu with Luke, seeing what Mando had been up to, and the most beautiful father/son reunion!! MY HEART. Sorry you got sidelined in your own show, Boba, but the Mando eps were WIZARD.

Call Me Kat: I'm still watching, still enjoying, but this show is kind of a mixed bag sometimes. I was not happy with how everything went down with Oscar. He was such a sweetheart! Am I happy Kat and Max have become a couple? Yeah, I guess, but I think it could've been done differently. Also, it won't be the same now without the lovely Leslie Jordan, RIP.

Derry Girls: Loved the final season. It's so quirky and fascinating and hilarious. The parents' high school reunion was absolute GOLD.

Dream Home Makeover: It's definitely one of those shows that you question why you're watching, yet you can't turn away. I don't want to like it. The couple is just odd together sometimes, and everything was shown out of order! One minute she was pregnant and then she wasn't, but then they'd go back to her being pregnant!

Emily in Paris: Season 3 was pretty good, although I found Emily a bit grating. I was worried they were going to make the whole season about her shenanigans working for both companies, but thankfully that got resolved quickly. Luc is still such a delight, and Sylvie has even grown on me. Gabriel and Alfie are still 🔥🔥.

Hawkeye: I watched this at the beginning of '22, so it's a bit fuzzy now, but it was enjoyable. Not quite at the level of some of the other Marvel shows (like Loki or Wandavision) but still pretty fun.

History 101: A fascinating little documentary series! I was hooked. Each episode was about a very specific topic and was brilliantly done.

Home Economics: This sitcom is pretty fun. I've always loved Topher Grace (although oddly enough I never watched That 70's Show 🙈), and he still nails awkward comedy. All the family dynamics are fun to watch, the kids are cute. And the Spiderman joke when they were at Disneyland had me ROLLING.

The Home Edit: I devour these episodes whenever they drop, and then I want to revamp my entire house, and life. I love organization, plus Joanna and Clea make everything fun to watch.

How I Met Your Father: I was SUPER skeptical about this one, and maybe still am a bit (HIMYM fans, you understand). But I ended up enjoying it more than I thought. I need to watch the last ep again to prep for the upcoming season 2, because I've forgotten a lot. I'm curious to see where it goes.

Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous: The last season was wild, and I COULD NOT STAND Kenji's dad. The woooooorst. Shipped Brooklynn and Kenji, and happy Yaz and Sammy found happiness together. The ending was very satisfying for everyone!

Moon Knight: Oh DANG, what a ride. So many moments I'm like, "WHAAAAAAT am I even watching?!" But it was a fun, trippy adventure, and Oscar Isaac deserves all the awards.

Name That Tune: Always fun. I slay at this game.

Never Have I Ever: I just LOVE this show. Season 3 was another stellar season, and I am still definitely Team Ben! That ending! And the show still makes me cry, especially the scene with Devi and her mom in the finale. 😭

Obi-Wan: I know this wasn't as well received as was hoped, but I enjoyed it. Young Leia was fantastic! Lola, too (I have adopted her in my club of beloved droids). The story worked, and the Vader/Obi-Wan showdown was pretty amazing. The last 20 minutes of the finale was just a giant checklist of fan service, but honestly, I'm not complaining.

Only Murders in the Building: LOVE LOVE LOVE. This show is so incredible, and season 2 didn't disappoint! It's smart, hilarious, and I love the intro music so much. The intros were actually made even better by each one being slightly different with something related to that particular episode.

The Orville: If this journey for The Orville is truly at an end, then they sent it off well. A satisfying ending. I think the supersized episodes didn't work as well as their punchier 40-minute eps, but man, when they go big they go BIG. Incredibly well done topics, and the effects! INSANE. I swear Hulu must have kept just dumping money on them, like "Go ahead and make whatever effects you want!"

Paper Girls: This was...weird. I went through most of this going, "WHAT AM I EVEN WATCHING?" Obviously I loved all the retro vibes, and I was curious enough in the story to stick it out, but that was about it. It got pretty dark at times, and I thought the language, while warranted, got excessive enough at times to detract from the story. Anyway, if they were trying to capture the magic of Stranger Things, it didn't work, and it got cancelled anyway.

The Rookie: MY HEART! MY OTP. MY BEST SHIP AND SHIPPING EXPERIENCE EVER. My obsession with Chenford has exploded even more, as any of my followers can clearly tell. I love Tim and Lucy SO MUCH, and watching them become canon has been INCREDIBLE. But also, the show itself has stepped up its game in S5. The plots are better, more balanced, and I love all the different relationships shown. Making Thorsen a regular was a fantastic decision. The social media team has been killing it. And the show has gained tons of viewers and fans. We are truly in the golden age of The Rookie.

The Rookie: Feds: I like the show, but don't love it...yet. Maybe I will? It is done well, but it's just there. I watch it when I get around to it. Garza and Laura are probably my fave characters. I do like Simone, but she's also a lot. And I say this only because it's the FBI and there must be some kind of dress code, she should probably cover up the girls more. I swear she's going to end up having a wardrobe malfunction.

School of Chocolate: Pretty fascinating little chocolate-making competition.

Star Trek: Discovery: S4 was kind of a mixed bag. I'm not sure it was as memorable as previous seasons. I hate Tilly left. I did like that there was a running thread throughout of identity and belonging, and mental health. My FAVORITE part was how they found a way to communicate with Species Ten-C. Some brilliant television.

Star Trek: Lower Decks: S3 was ok, not my favorite, but it's still funny. My fave moment actually came in the DS9 ep. The background swing music at Quark's is actually from a band that my mom does booking for, Denver & the Mile High Orchestra, and for other personal reasons I won't go into here, that moment meant a lot to me.

Star Trek: Picard: Insert Picard facepalm here. I wanted S2 to work so badly, and be amazing, and it just wasn't. I mean it had Q and time travel and all the ingredients for something incredible, and it still didn't work. It would take too long to hash it all out here, but if anyone wants to vent with me, I'm around. I am excited (and nervous) for S3, however! I hope they don't let me down.

Star Trek: Prodigy: I still love the animation, and the kids are fun. I'm gonna be real honest, though. I'm mainly here for Janeway and Chakotay, because no, I'm still not over how Voyager ended, and if an animated kids show will let me see more of these two, I will take whatever I can get.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Before I go any further, may I just point out the amazing WONDER that FIVE different Star Trek series aired new content in 2022?! A new record! The Trekaissance is real. This show exceeded my expectations. It's so different, yet still so classic Star Trek style. The characters are great, and the intro is incredible! I cry at that intro. It's sweeping and gorgeous and ahhhhh.

Stranger Things: I've loved Stranger Things from the beginning, was excited for S4, but when I watched 4x01 I almost gave it up. It felt so dark and depressing, and the scene at the end was horrifying. I put it off for a couple weeks before deciding to try again, and I slowly worked my way through the rest of the season. There were still parts I couldn't watch (I really don't do horror, Stranger Things was always about as far as I would go, but then they really upped the horror in S4, much to my dismay), but ultimately I'm glad I did watch, although unlike the rewatchability of S1-S3, I'm not sure I can go through S4 in its entirety again. But there were some BEAUTIFUL moments we got, lots of laughs, lots of emotions. All the reunions in Vol. 2! El seeing Hopper again 😭. And my absolute favorite part...JOPPER IS CANON!!

Supermarket Sweep: Always a lot of fun. Sad that it won't be back.

Young Sheldon: It's losing steam, but I'm still watching. The whole storyline with Georgie has been interesting.

And there you have it! 33 shows in all, which is probably a record for me. Feel free to message me or send an ask if you want to further chat about any of these. If you read this far, YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR AND I APPRECIATE YOU.

[ibubblesunoo]

welcome to yohan's corner 🎸

LOADING CHAT 💬 . . .

loading complete ✅

chat room #1

enter key: #1228

[user : yohan has entered the chat room]

[user : 404 has entered the chat room]

[yohan]

do you think they're gonna read this?

[404]

depends if they have the time to waste…

[yohan]

I'm not that boring am I?

[404]

it really just depends on the day sometimes your alright

[yohan]

well now that I have them here what do I talk about?

[404]

tell them about yourself you idiot

[yohan]

about myself?… well my name is yohan

[404]

yeah no shit they can see it as your chat name talk about the stuff they don't know about you

[yohan]

oh like the fact I'm trans and use he/him pronouns?

[404]

now your understanding it wasn't so hard wasn't it

[yohan]

well I'm also bisexual… what else I guess I'm emo and love the band 5 seconds of summer

[404]

god please don't get into a 5sos rabbit hole again I couldn't get you to stop talking about them last time you mentioned that band

[yohan]

hey it's not my fault they're a good band! I've loved them ever since 2011 and if you must know my favorite song is voodoo doll my favorite member is calum my second fav member is a tie between Michael and Luke

[404]

oh god please stop I don't need to hear more shit about this band

[yohan]

did you know I own both 5SOS5 and calm on cassette and I own every main album on cd, I also own the how did we end up here documentary on dvd

[404]

hey I heard you also like kpop isn't that right? I mean you don't have sunoo in your username for nothing

[yohan]

oh yeah I do like kpop! my older sister got me into it in 2016 the first song other than gangnam style that I heard from the genre was stop stop it by got7 and they actually became the first kpop group I ended up stanning. I remember listening to the identify album on loop so much that I think I know every song front to back, and if you want to know my favorite kpop song of all time is Russian roulette by red velvet my favorite girl group, my favorite boy by the way group is enhypen stanning them since watching I-land which was so traumatic by the way made me cry at the end and hearing into the I-land still makes me tear up a little

[404]

ok hearing you talk about kpop is just as worse as hearing you talk about 5sos… who knew you had all that shit to ramble on about

[yohan]

and I'm not even done with 5sos. I own livesos and the feeling of falling upwards on cd as well, I also have the she looks so perfect ep on cd and hope to get the don't stop ep on cd at some point because try hard is too good not to have on physical media

[404]

enough about those Australian men! god one more word about 5sos and I might block you

[yohan]

oh well then I guess I can talk about idk how I like yo-kai watch? If there's even still a fandom for that or how about beyblade! The x series just came out and I'm so happy the beys are made by tomy because I'm sorry some hasbro beys suck ass

[404]

not your dead fandom interests anything but that! your basically purposely talking to a brick wall at this point

[yohan]

excuse you! beyblade still has a pretty decent community just go look up beyblade on YouTube right now and you'll find countless YouTubers who base themselves on beyblades and still upload to this day!

[404]

ok maybe beyblades aren't as much of a dead fandom as I thought but still there's not gonna be one reading this now you know

[yohan]

well then I'll talk about monster high! and how I currently own ten g3 dolls and how I want to own g1 dolls eventually

[404]

I honestly forgot monster high got brought back

[yohan]

yeah and it's doing pretty well wouldn't say amazing but well enough to make Mattel want to make more g3 dolls

[404]

why'd you sent me this sonic post? you know I don't have a clue about sonic the hedgehog and it's weird lore

[yohan]

shadow reminds me of you

[404]

I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult

[yohan]

it was definitely a compliment

[404]

skeptical but ok…

[yohan]

now that you mention video games with lore I couldn't help but bring up kingdom hearts!! I only have amazing things to say about that series

[404]

ok I will not lie kingdom hearts is a great series and the story is very interesting

[yohan]

oh my god I almost forgot about fnaf!!

[404]

let's save all the fnaf talk for when the second movie comes out

[yohan]

have I mentioned Sanrio yet and how my favorite character is pompompurin?

[404]

you have now

[yohan]

do they know my favorite Disney movie is big hero 6?

[404]

again they know now…

[yohan]

do they know my favorite aesthetic is frutiger aero? and that I based my carrd off of it?

[404]

they do now!

[yohan]

oh I know for sure they don't know my favorite fruit is a strawberry and how I live for strawberry milk

[404]

I don't know how you can drink and eat strawberries all the time without getting sick of it

[yohan]

I'm surprised my body hasn't tried to reject it yet from how much I consumed strawberries

[404]

what's your favorite flower?

[yohan]

cherry blossoms!! I even made a mini Lego cherry blossom bonsai tree

[404]

don't you play splatoon?

[yohan]

yup! I even own the limited edition splatoon 3 switch oled model

[404]

rich motherfucker…

[yohan]

says the one who just bought themselves the iPhone 16 even though their iPhone 15 worked just fine but they needed the new one

[404]

the colors of the 16 looked cute! stop hating loser

[yohan]

whatever you say

[404]

anything you want to close out this chat room with?

[yohan]

I hope whoever reads this is having a good day know your loved and respected and if anyone treats you badly know you have a home right here with us <3

[404]

come visit us anytime ~

[yohan]

peace out!

[user : 404 has logged out]

[user: yohan has logged out]

chat room is now closed !

[chrissmou]

My December Books

Happy New Year, everyone, but we have the latest month of the previous one to talk about the books I have read, from fairy tale retellings to biographies and young romances in between. I have read 10 books in the past month so let’s discuss them. I will leave the link in Goodreads for you to check them out if you like:

The Elite (The Selection #2) (Kiera Cass): It was a good book but not as good as the first in the series it built in the world-building and the characters started to complicate themselves. I liked the risks made by the protagonist in the end and the protagonist. The society in the book seems a bit unfair and I don’t really that it hasn’t changed since it started. Overall, it was a fun read to start month.

Agatha Christie: A Very Elusive Woman (Lucy Worsley): I loved the documentary accompanying this amazing read. Lucy is the most amazing narrator in subjects like this and while the documentary is amazing the book has its downsides. It has passages in it that are amazing but when we go in the descriptive parts it needs something more. I loved the different approach in the amnesia story as Lucy is a historian, she went to scientists and asked their opinions without sending mixed messages. I loved how she tried to understand Agatha as a person from her birth to her death and beyond.

A Taste for Love (Jeniffer Yen): This is the second time I read this amazing modern retelling of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice and I loved it. It was my favorite book I read in 2021 when I was reading my second dissertation and it was my letdown book. I loved the characters especially the two protagonists Liza and James as they are the heart of the book. I love the subtle way that has the Jane Austen references, too. Also, the descriptions of the Asian and European desserts and foods it has in it.

Love, Decoded (Jeniffer Yen): Imagine combining Emma, programming, and Gossip Girl in one universe this is then the book for you. I loved it as I am a coder at heart and I love the protagonist, the slow burn, and the other characters surrounding the story. I loved the New York setting and that her aunt has a matchmaking business which the protagonist writes a database for and program to help with the matchmaking. It is an amazing read in the same universe as Taste for Love, as Gigi, the protagonist, is the little sister of James the protagonist from the last one. It also has glimpses of his life in Texas with Liza.

Just Another Love Song (Kerry Winfrey): I liked this second chance between a country star and his high school sweetheart. The little kid in this one is sweet and the book is really funny especially the squirrel scene between the protagonists and all the main kids in the book. I loved the art and the descriptions of the scenery in this one too. I enjoyed the descriptions of the festival too. They were happy and entertaining with lots of fun.

Forever Inn Love (Freedom Valley #5) (Erin Branscom): The fifth book in the Freedom Valley Series is one of the best and I loved it. It is a second chance romance between the new mechanic, ex-military, and the new doctor in town. They are high school sweethearts and best friends who never forget one another. This little town is amazing to go back to as you see how the previous couples do in the scenes in the café or the Inn and have an idea of what about the next book in the series. It is worth a read with a good plot and relatable characters.

Santa’s Baby (Cantal Roome): That was a funny romance with all the typical misunderstandings you expect from one. Let’s start with the fact that when the two protagonists met, the woman was dressed as a bride and the male was as a Santa for a company Christmas party. The other is that he has a sex toy factory and he is a billionaire. His parents are the worst and the main enemy of the story. She has a younger sister who burns everything and a younger brother who knows how to stop her baby from crying. There is a funny reveal for the shop and the scene about a policeman doing shots at a webbing bachelor party.

The Unlucky Prince (Once Upon A Prince #1) (Deborah Grace White): A Prince and the Frog Retelling that missed the mark in both world-building and the magic in it. It was the first in a series I currently reading but a retelling I was excited about as it has the potential to be good. The only good thing I can remember is that I liked the character of both the protagonists especially the female and how good she was at negotiating treaties with the merchants of the city.

The Beggar Prince (Once Upon A Prince #2) (Kate Stradling): I loved this retelling of King Thrushbeard as it had great chemistry between the protagonists. I liked that the female has a disability that doesn’t allow her to recognize the protagonist with his beggar cloches and from an arranged marriage to one that they love each other but have got to know one another when they were beggars and have to work for everything. I also liked that it was only from the prince's point of view.

The Golden Prince (Once Upon A Prince #3) (Alice Ivinya): A retelling of Rapunzel is amazing. I loved the Hero and the heroine, especially his idiotic behavior when they first met and the fact that the protagonist is amazing in everything, brave, and a little bit manipulative too. I loved the magic and the background story in this one. I liked that it has a good world-building in the story and the mythology in it is amazing. It is worth a read.

[master-tonberry]

Good grief, we have lots in common! Well, I'm really glad I sent my silly survey now because I have some very exciting ideas percolating for you present. :)

Thanks for taking the time to answer all my whimsies!

MY FAVORITE SONG IS "MERCY"!!! You made my heart so happy reading that. Hyungwon's songwriting skills are unparalleled for me.

Night owls represent!!!

I had to google that book, and now I want to read it. It tells me much about you. My favorite novels are Handmaid's Tale and Alias Grace, both of which I read in my femlit class in college. My other favorites are Pride & Prejudice and the His Dark Materials books!

Winter is my favorite season, and I abhor summer. Like you, I love the cold. I'm happiest when it's snowing heaps and I know can play in it (I never grew up, to be clear lol).

My husband and I started watching the Willow series this weekend! He had never seen Willow, so we watched it, and he LOVED it. Like you, it was a staple of my childhood, along with Goonies and The Neverending Story. I love a good quest! And as I mentioned, HDM is one of my favorite books, and the series is so lajdfljasfldjaslfdjlaskdjf. FINALLY, someone did it justice! I CANNOT WAIT TO WATCH THE FINAL BOOK COME TO LIFE.

Aw, I didn't see Wheel of Time, but you're right, I didn't read good things about it either. :(

YOU LIVED IN ICELAND??? Pump the brakes! In 6th grade, that was the country I picked to do a travel report on, and I have been obsessed ever since though I've never been. It's both so alien and primordial and fantasical. What was that like that you can remember? Where else have you lived?

I am fascinated by big cities--their ebb and flow and all the possibilities available--but as an introvert, I feel like it would zap my energy every day. My city is a small-market, but I love it dearly. (I'm in the US, and I assume from your previous asks that you are, too?)

Since you didn't mind my barrage of questions, let me close this with a few more.

Fantasy, sci fi, comedy, or documentary:

Favorite character in the Willow movie:

Favorite character in HDM:

What kind of video games do you play?

What's your favorite story trope:

You're part of a quest. What role do you play? The leader, the comic relief, the planner, the silent but skilled expert, the troublemaker, or the one everyone thought was just a regular nobody but has a power that awakens unexpectedly to save the day?

Have fun! No rush! Get back when you can! :D I'll be waiting for my new friend.

xoxo mbb Secret Santa

omg no way, Alias Grace is one of my favorites!! I love Margaret Atwood, and if you like her you'll definitely like Sheri S. Tepper!

And holy shit Goonies 😭😭😭 That's my all time favorite movie ever! I watched that and Willow and Neverending Story and Last Unicorn over and over lol. And the animated Hobbit, which turned me into a massive LotR nerd and led to a debilitating D&D habit.

And yes, I'm in the US! My father was a pilot before he retired so we lived in some cool places. Iceland was great, I was pretty young so I don't remember a lot, but I do remember going on road trips and visiting lava fields. It was like being on a different planet. We also lived in Germany for a while, which was also wonderful and I also want to go back and visit lol.

Okay, questions now!

Fantasy, Sci Fi, Comedy, or Documentary: I like all of them but I'm most drawn to fantasy.

Favorite Character in Willow: This is like choosing one of my children!! I love the brownies so so much but also Sorcha oh my god. I adore her.

Favorite Character in HDM: Lee Scoresby, easy lol. I was born in Texas so I'm partial to Texan characters, especially noble pilot types.

Video Games: I like all kinds of games! I play cozy games like Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, rpgs like Final Fantasy, Dragon Age, and Mass Effect, big dumb shooters like Gears of War, basically anything that has a good soundtrack and interesting gameplay mechanics.

Story Trope: Probably found family. Most of the games, books, and shows that I'm into involve it in one way or another. I also dig a good enemies to lovers lol

Role in a Quest: I would probably be the planner lol. I have that super power combo of ADHD and mild autism plus anxiety, so if the mission goes wrong, I guarantee I have already stressed out about it and come up with at least four contingency plans for that exact scenario 😂

I hope your week is going well so far, and I'm looking forward to your next ask! 💗

[backchattingdancer]

Hey! What a surprise, that's awesome! My family needs to get it together haha we don't even have the tree up yet 🤦‍♀️ I see you're a writer, and that plus the library trip leads me to assume you're a reader? What're some of your favorite books? What are you currently reading? I like to read to! My favorite series is Lemony Snicket's All the Wrong Questions series, and I'm currently reading Grown by Tiffany D. Jackson.

I listened to Night at the Opera all the way through, and I liked it a lot! It has so many different colors and styles, and it was a really interesting listen! I really liked You're My Best Friend (which is one of favorite Queen songs all around), Death on Two Legs, and '39. The vocal stacking in The Prophet's Song was really cool, and I can't even imagine how long it must have taken to record and mix all that. It's super cool that your grandparents are bringing records! Original pressings are always the best :D I think you giving me recs is a good idea haha there defiantly is a lot! I'll look at the greatest hits, and let you know!

My favorite bands/artists are Elton John and The Beatles! I had sort of the same experience with Elton in terms of getting into him. I was familiar with some of his stuff and then all of a sudden I was obsessed haha With The Beatles, I knew a little bit, but I got really into them after watching the Get Back documentary with my mom.

I hope you have a good day :D

~ ✨

Honestly, don't worry about it. Last year we didn't have the tree up until about a week before Christmas 😂 I suppose I am technically a writer lol, although I haven't in a while. And you would be correct, I do love to read! Some of my favourite books are Flowers For Algernon, Good Omens, A Clockwork Orange, and 9 Billion Names of God. I like a lot of older sci-fi! Currently, I'm reading a book called The Mote in God's Eye. It's a really cool sci-fi book from 1974, it has a lot of amazing world building and politics in it. My dad has a huge collection of sci-fi he got in college in the 90s, and I'm really enjoying them! The cool thing is that he got a lot of them used, so the copy I'm currently reading is actually from 1974! :D

You're so right, there is a lot of variety in ANATO! That's something I like about Queen- because all the members had different writing styles and music tastes, their albums were really diverse! I love your song choices, I really like all of those. You're My Best Friend is a wonderful song- since you liked that, I'd say listen to You and I (it's on A Day at the Races). It was also written by John and is a bit more musically complex- I think it might be my favourite song from that album. Death on Two Legs is also a really good song. It has a lot of heavier rock elements, I think. For now, I recommend listening to Ogre Battle, Tie Your Mother Down, Modern Times Rock'n'Roll, Great King Rat, Flick of the Wrist, and Stone Cold Crazy. I'm so happy to hear you like '39! That's one of my favourite Queen songs of all time. Something I think is really interesting is that while Brian wrote a lot of Queen's heavier sounding rock songs, (in the 70s) he also fairly consistently had a sort of more quiet sounding song. Some of his more mellow ones are Some Day One Day, Long Away, Leaving Home Ain't Easy, Sail Away Sweet Sister, and All Dead All Dead. My apologies for giving you so many songs, although I do hope you find some you enjoy!

I haven't listened to too much Elton John music I must say. Some, of course, but I never really dived deeper into his discography. However, I do love The Beatles! I've been listening to them since I was very young, so I think some of their music also has that nostalgia factor. Funnily enough, I also watched Get Back with my mum! It was really interesting to see how all that happened.

I also hope you have the most wonderful day. Until next time, Sparkles! <3

[gothicbarbie]

This is so cute, thank you :)

Are you named after anyone?

First name: I think my mom watched an old show like Dallas or something of that time period and the name Alexandra was taken from there.

Middle name: named after my grandmother.

When was the last time you cried?

Hmm.... this is tough question cuz I really don't remember. I don't really cry easily. But maybe during a movie that I watched? Or a crime documentary that was sad... can't remember!

Do you have kids?

Nope, and it's going to stay that way. I do have a niece and nephew that I love very much tho!

What sports do you/have you played?

I was/am a dancer my whole life and on my schools dance team. I did gymnastics for a while, swilling, t-ball but none of those lasted. Dance was my passion.

Do you use sarcasm?

Not at all... ;) (I use it so often people think I am being mean when I'm really just teasing)

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Looks wise: Hair. I am a big hair person lol. And I change mine all the time so I always notice it first.

Personality wise: I would say whether or not they have a sense of humor and whether they are someone I can tease/be playful with. Some people are just simply not like that and you have to sort of walk carefully around them so to not hurt their feelings.

What is your eye color?

Blue/Grey. It can be very blue in certain lights or if I am wearing specific colors or my hair is a certain color. But it can also look sort of hazel/greyish at other times.

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Both? I love scary movies though, I find them very fun to watch. Thriller is my favorite movie genre. However, when it comes to tv series and BL's, I need a happy ending.

Any talents?

Dance I think is a talent lmao. Being organized? lmao. I'm type A OCD to a fault almost. I also think I am very good at reading people and situations and I am good diffuser and can mediate situations well.

I also refuse to quit at anything and will work and work until I get something. I have a very strong mental headspace and will... I def. am not afraid to speak my mind and I am not a pushover... not sure if that is considered a talent, but whatever lol.

Where were you born?

Oregon, USA. Lived here mostly my whole life too.

What are your hobbies?

Dance of course. I like doing some art like painting, scrapbooking, coloring and decorating. Not really drawing. I also love baking! (but not cooking). I would like photography if I got into it more. hmmm what else... watching TV lmao. Doing my nails and hair. Anything that is creative and allows you to sort of design/decorate something is fun for me.

Do you have any pets?

I do! 1 cat named Eevee. My roommate has 3 other cats too that practically my own at this point.

How tall are you?

5'5 3/4 and yes I will claim that three quarters and often lie and say 5'6 to sound taller lmao.

What was your favorite subject in school?

Well, besides the baking and art classes probably health/anatomy. I found that part of science to be sort of interesting. I was also pretty good at english/reading/writing. Science was okay most of the time. And business class. And spanish... I was okay at Math if I understood the formulas but I didn't like it. I LOATHED history. IDK why I find history so damn boring lol. And I cant remember dates/events for the life of me!

What is your dream job?

It used to be being a back up dancer, but I am content being a dance teacher and choreographer now. If I could pick anything though it would probably be baking or photography but I just dont want to put the time and effort into that.

15 people, 15 questions

I was tagged by a new mutual zimmbzon in this fun little getting-to-know-you quiz.

Are you named after anyone?

Real name: Yes, a saint (first) and my grandma (middle).

Tumblr handle: It means "shameless" in Korean. Jungkook of BTS said that word perfectly described V, and it stuck with me -- and not many foreign words do. Plus, it perfectly encompassed the content I share here. 😜

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday, thinking about Night potentially unaliving himself if he reaches his limit with Day's emotional abuse, and Mhok being triggered to remember his sister's death if he witnesses the attempt and tries to stop him. (#LastTwilight) In real life, making myself cry worrying about shit that didn't or might not even happen is my specialty. Anxiety perpetually at 11.

Do you have kids?

Do my parents count?

What sports do you/have you played?

If I were athletically inclined, I'd play soccer, baseball, tennis, volleyball, and hockey. But I am extremely accident prone, and deeply disinterested in anymore ER visits.

Do you use sarcasm?

My best friend gifted me this in college, so...probably.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Whether or not they feel comfortable around me. It helps me gauge how much of my personality I should show. Am I starting at a 10 or a 2? I know we'll be good friends if I can hit 10 before we part ways.

What is your eye color?

I wish my eye color was violet or that eye color changed based on your emotions. This thought inspired by my recent viewing of both Dungeons & Dragons and the new Percy Jackson Disney series.

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Love a happy ending, but only if it makes sense and doesn't seem tacked on after a major unresolved conflict. I only do scary if it's a murder mystery, cause it's like solving a puzzle.

Any talents?

I don't panic under pressure. If anything, it's when I excel the most. Which...is probably a trauma response, but whatever. Lol I've also always been good at seeing the potential in people, whether they were famous or a work colleague. Like I can tell when someone is going to excel in life and what they would excel at.

Random example: Jesse Plemons. Who could've predicted him going from dorky Landry in Friday Night Lights to a respected character actor across film & TV? Me. I did. Who could've predicted he would marry Kirsten Dunst and have kids? Nobody. That one was a curveball. Lol I mean, his competition was Josh Hartnett. Be fucking for real.

Where were you born?

On the East Coast.

What are your hobbies?

I work too much to have substantial hobbies, but if I had time, I would do these more: skateboard, write fiction, photography, wander new cities/neighborhoods, make crafts, explore museums, cook new recipes, learn how to play the drums, and learn Korean + Thai + Tagalog.

Do you have any pets?

No, I'm afraid of having to bury them -- and I don't want to clean up poop. Lol But if I could have pets, I'd get a parrot, an iguana, a lot of different fish, and whatever breed of dog Henry Cavill has. For now, I'll stick to my 8 plants. (RIP to the previous 7.)

How tall are you?

Tall enough to reach things for all of my under 5'4" friends -- of which I have many.

What was your favorite subject in school?

Science, but I was very bad at it. Lol I excelled mostly at Math, English, and Spanish.

What is your dream job?

Storytelling in all its forms. But based on my career trajectory, I'd be happy to settle for a marketing job that allows me to craft very subtle product placement in a series or film.

I'm tagging... @my-rose-tinted-glasses, @wanderlust-in-my-soul, @gothicbarbie, @mikuni14, @heretherebedork, @liyazaki, @mooninagust to post their responses, if they haven't already.

But it's TOTALLY optional. Happy motherf*ckin' New Year! 🤸🏿‍♀️

[momentsatmydesk]

My Thoughts on ‘Our Beloved Summer’

In a line or two: 

Our Beloved Summer was such a healing, therapeutic watch that did not hide the 'humanness' of love.

The story: 

The drama is about two exes--- Kook Yeon Soo and Choi Woong (high-school students when they began dating) who had a 5-year relationship and broke up. They meet 5 years later and agree (fact: are forced) to shoot a documentary similar to the one they shot in high school. What starts from a '100 Things I Hate About You' turns into an introspective, messy yet heart-warming return to each other.

My Thoughts:

1. I love the layers in Kook Yeon Soo's personality. She's smart, socially inadept, deadpan, and more sensitive than she lets herself acknowledge. I love how the flaws in her character actually make her more endearing and relatable.

2. Kim Ji Woong, our male lead's best friend, is actually the prettiest one here, according to me. He's at constant war with himself, but I also love how he returns to the camera to shoot people's raw selves and finds comfort in it. 

I especially love his friendship with Choi Ung, who despite knowing that Kim Ji Woong has feelings for Yeon Soo, doesn’t push him away.

3. I thought the drama would come to be overwhelming given its storyline. But surprisingly, I couldn't keep away from it because of how comforting I found it to be. 

4. Then we have K-pop idol NJ. She's such a fireball. She's funny, adorable, and yet so trapped and defined by people's idea of her. I love how Choi Ung and she decide to remain friends, comforting each other when things aren't going their way. 

5. Okay, I love Choi Ung's parents so much! Honestly, the idea of running a restaurant and feeding people good food is the definition of a beautiful life for me. However, their care for Ung and his art is so cute and heart rendering.

6. It was through NJ that I realized how joy-crushing fame can be. You forget who you are and try too hard to become someone else's expectations of who you should be.

7. I think Choi-Ung's definition of happiness: "To do lie down and watch the sunlight stream through leaves" was when I first fell for him. 

I love how he's never glorified 'living big'. He's so content with his wants. He knows exactly the kind of people he wants to be around and isn't afraid to go for an unconventional way of living if it makes him peaceful and happy.

8. When they all head for a 3-day trip for the shoot, I got really emotional watching Yeon Soo enjoy herself. It was so nice to see her smile and laugh and let herself free. 

That was the first time I realized how lonely she must have been all these years, handling responsibilities and pushing people away to avoid hurt.

9. My favorite moment of the series was when Ung is waiting for Yeon's answer: will she travel to Germany with him as he enrolls in the architecture program? They meet at Sol Yi's restaurant and Yeon Soo chooses to stay back in Korea because that's what feels right to her. 

There is this amazing moment where they know what they have to do for themselves and yet are so supportive of each other, without letting go of the love they've fought so hard to come back to.

10.Then we have Sol-Yi. I mean, who cannot love her? She's Yeon Soo's 'Reality Check Provider' and also her soundboard + BFF. I have to say I absolutely enjoy watching Park Jin Joo on screen. Even with her supporting role in 'Her Private Life', she was fabulous. 

Here, Sol Yi is spontaneous, has a I-am-the-love-guru vibe and is atrocious in her choice of men. She cooks mediocre food but she doesn't give up on her dream. She's sassy, rude, amazing, and absolutely honest.

11. Lastly, I want to say I came to love Chae Ran so much. She's assistant produce to Kim Ji Ung and is also his unmistakable 'soulmate'. She possess so much sensitivity and yet is so calm and cool. 

I love how she decides to wait for Kim Ji Ung to be in a better headspace before she confesses her feelings for him. That was such a mature, soft, 'ah' moment.

Learnings:

1. When the Universe gives you second chances, grab them with both hands and work to give them your all. People do not come into your life accidentally. Each one is there for a reason.

2. Love has a funny, soft, ridiculously amazing way to make itself known. Allow yourself to feel it when it knocks your door. (P.S: Open it wide and let love rain in your heart.)

3. Love is a fairytale, with all the sparkles, the imperfections, the laughs, the tears, the growth, the support, and the gooey-warm feeling you get when you're with someone right for you.

4. Forgiveness is hard. But regret is worse. 

5. Whoever you were has made you who you are today. But you can always change if you don't like who you've become.

Last Words: 

Oh, please watch this show. It is absolutely adorable, warm and mature.💕💕

[sailorhyunjinz]

𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝕾𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖘 𝐈

© 2021 SailorHyunjinz ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

Pairing; Bartender!Changbin x Fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warning ; ANGST!! SMUT!! skz side characters, semi-slow burn, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, depiction of mental disorders, consumption of alcohol, under the influence, self hatred, complicated family relationships, depersonalisation/derealisation, depression, alternative universe, implications of su-cide, semi su-cide attempt, su-cidal!reader, mentions of bl-od and injury, mentions of k-dnapping and murder, alcoholism, mentions of selfh-rm, mentions of knifes, gaslighting, smoking, mentions of weapons, mentions of pregnancies, a bunch of crying, fainting, toxic masculinity. 

𝘕𝘚𝘍𝘞 ; piv, protected sex (use of condom), missionary, dry humping, nicknames, sex in semi-public place, fingering, corruption kink if you squint, orgasm (m/f), cum,,,, other then that it’s kinda vanilla. 

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ; 14.3 k 

O N E ｜ T W O 

From one survivor to another; cheers you guys. 

                         ⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ Playlist ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT - Bea Miller, Aminè]

[Multi-Love - Unknown Mortal Orchestra]

[Beach Baby - Bon Iver]

[High Enough - K.Flay]

[Dope Lovers - DPR IAN]

[Make Out in My Car ; Sufjan Stevens Version - Sufjan Stevens]

[I Feel it Coming ; The weekend, Daft Punk]

[Space Song ; Beach House] (ah the loml and the album is called depression cherry so it makes me happy) 

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 18.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 ; 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲

“Let me out!! LET ME OUT!”

You cry out, banging on the heavy wooden door until your knuckles bruise, red marks leaving their traces on your soft skin. The only lightsource is the tiny cell window, sun shining brightly and illuminating thousands of dust specks, floating around you like your lost hopes. The grey cement walls got closer and closer, seconds ticking in your head like a clock. 

This is it.

This is how you die. 

Crushed to death like a bug, your ambitions never getting their chance to prove themselves. All that you ever wanted to achieve was an impossibility as you were slowly but surely pressed together in the ever shrinking room. 

Salty tears roll down your cheek, a feeling of hopelessness washing over you as you turn your back against the door, sliding down to your feet, banging the back of your head lightly against the entrance.

You feel the rough walls hitting both sides of your forearms, a last ear deafening scream leaving your parted lips.

Until you woke up. 

With a series of jerking motions you sit up, panting like you just ran a marathon, the pounding of your heart audible to you. Darkness swallowed you as the night progressed, you considering yourself lucky to find yourself in your comfortable bed, still in your room. 

Only after minutes do you notice your wet cheeks, the tears not being limited to your dream world. You blink, your coated eyelashes weighing heavy on your eyelids as you wipe tears with the back of your hand. The shock from your dream didn’t reside, you now being too afraid to fall back on your plushy pillow, fearful of what horrible dreams awaited you on the other side. 

You grab your phone from the nightstand, immediately being hit with a bright light causing you to squint and turn away momentarily. 

[Search: being crushed dream meaning]

Multiple articles from all sorts of sketchy websites popped up, you clicking on the first one. 

“Stress or emotionally overwhelmed” 

You laugh lazily, the dream making sense as you feel yourself slipping back into a peaceful slumber, phone still in hand as the muscles in your face relax, jaw opening, your dream world once again inviting you for a dance. 

The sun woke you up with it’s radiant rays shining in your face, the closed blinds barely able to withstand them. Your phone was lying on the floor face down, you must have dropped it while sleeping you thought before rubbing your eyes from any dirt and staring up at the ceiling. 

Another day

Another day that I’m here.

You wish you could pull the covers over your head, get lost in your own mind and never deal with the outside world ever again. But you had to. 

You picked up your phone from the dusty floor that hadn’t been cleaned for weeks, you simply didn’t have the motivation to do it. The bright phone screen awaked you, you blinked your eyes a couple of times to see clearer. 

[3 Missed Calls - Mom]

You couldn’t be bothered to call her back. She was only gonna nag at you for not calling back earlier, wondering what you’ve been up to now that you’ve been fired from your job as a receptionist at the local hotel. What were you gonna say? Drinking too much booze and crying yourself to sleep every night? You couldn’t, that would only hurt her. 

Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

You got up, legs wobbling as you stumbled to the bathroom, head pounding from the amount of alcohol you consumed the night prior. Not with friends but alone, in your living room, in the one room apartment you no longer could afford. 

Ice cold water splashed onto your sweaty face, that being the only hygiene you could muster today. You turned the tap off, grabbing a towel and wiping your face and looking deep into your own eyes. 

That’s not me.

That’s not me looking back. 

You poked your tongue out, hoping the figure in the mirror wouldn’t move and you could confirm your thoughts but alas the figure followed you. You felt crazy, it was as if you’ve died a long time ago but still saw everything that happened. You could stick your hand through a wall and it would disappear you thought, nothing was real. Not even you. 

You entered your mess of a living room, seeing the wreck from yesterday night. Countless green glass bottles scattered on the table in front of the tv that was your only escape from reality. Blankets and pillows were thrown across the floor along with a box of tissues, your emotions bubbling up to the surface too often resulting in you crying and shaking on the floor, a feeling of fear washing over you late at night. 

You felt alone.

But you weren’t.

Fuck, why were you so ungrateful? You had everything. A roof over your head, a family that loves you, friends, food on the table. Yet, even this couldn’t satisfy you. You blamed yourself for everything. 

For your work firing you.

For your parents divorcing.

For your own pathetic life.

You shook your head as if you were shaking the negative thoughts out of your head, instead grabbing a couple of the empty bottles that were reeking with the scent of liquor and placing them on the kitchen counter. ‘Cleaning up’ in your eyes.

With a thump your back landed against the couch that swallowed you, engulfing you in a comforting embrace you got from no other person or object. This was your safe space you thought but not even your couch could save you from your intrusive reasonings. With a light click on the remote the tv screen lit up, your eyes still not used to the brightness since you’re always cooped up in your apartment where the blinds were always closed, another barrier between you and reality. 

Nature documentaries, your favorite.

The calming male voice of the narrator being the only one you talked to during your lonely days. The animals could make you forget. They lived so freely, moving wherever they wanted without a care in the world, either swimming, hopping or flying. You wish you were born as another animal than human. 

“The 52-hertz whale travels an astonishing 70 km a day but it’s voyage doesn’t bring social interactions. This whale is the loneliest whale in the world. It’s the only whale that is capable of emitting a whale call at such frequency, no other individuals communicating with the poor creature.”

You sat up in curiosity. It was a scream for help you thought. The whale needed help, it needed someone or something.

Just like you. 

You sighed, watching the lonely whale on your tv screen, seeing it’s gracious movements despite its size. It did look lonely in that deep dark sea, wondering how it would be to fall into the abyss of water, swallowing you whole and erasing the life that once sparked your soul. 

This was where you spent your entire days. The clock on the wall is ticking but the digits it displayed are oblivious to you. What did it matter if it was 5 pm or 1 am? You were still not gonna budge from your comforting seat on the couch. Drinking your feelings away no matter what time in the day. 

This was you. 

This was who you had become.

The sun started to set on the horizon, a delicate shade of light purple descending over it, covering the end of the world like the way a canopy covers the softness of a bed. You sigh, diverting your focus back on the tv screen after momentarily observing the life outside your window. Yet again, nature documentaries accompanied by the soft male voice, narrating every movement of the colibri that fluttered it’s wings at the speed of light on your screen in vivid colors. 

You got that look in your eyes. That look of amazement which you now only had when looking at the beautiful colors of a exotic bird. You moved closer to the tv screen in the now dark living room, the sun setting at a fast pace. It reminded you of the many times your mom shouted at you to not sit so close to the screen, scaring you by saying that you’d get rectangular eyes. 

Your childhood.

The only time you felt ease. 

The only time your family was as one. 

“y/n, what does your heart look like?” the therapist asked, scribbling mindlessly on a notepad.

“it’s a muscle that pumps blo-” you started but were quickly cut off. 

“no, I mean what does your heart look like, how does it feel?”

You sighed, looking down at the grey marbled floor, your legs shaking in nervousness. You hesitated before speaking, scrambling in your mind to say something sensible before the words came pouring out of you.

“i-it looks like a house. A dark, empty house,,, but it’s comforting.”

Once again you heard the sound of a pencil writing incoherent sentences. Curious as to know what secrets were on that piece of A5-paper.  

“is there anyone in the house with you?” the therapist inquired. 

You shook your head before speaking. 

“I don’t want to let anyone in, this is my safe space” you say, almost setting up an emotional barrier, not wanting to answer further questions. 

The person sitting across from you hummed as you stared out the window behind them, the green ivy bushes already grown tall enough to cover half of the grimy window. 

“is the house empty?” they asked to which you shook your head once again, avoiding the glassy-eyed stare of the therapist. 

“no,,, there are dusty furniture covered in white cloths and-,,, and family photos in the drawers.” 

“is it your family?” 

You shook your head in disagreement.

“How did you end up here?” 

You thought for a second, puffing out your cheeks, a habit of yours. You searched for a reason but not finding any. 

“I just,,, was here one day.”

“The sun never shines here.” you added after a solid 30 seconds of silence. 

You were stuck in that house.

The house that was once filled with happy memories of another family, you simply a ghost that was now trying to fit the broken pieces together, wanting desperately to see them smiling again. 

Tears started forming in your eyes, a shiny gloss over your orbs. 

But you never cried.

Not in front of others. 

You thought often about that visit. Why your heart was an desolate house and why the words spilled out of you like a poisonous liquid.

You closed your eyes, the bright colors fluttering behind your eyelids as the comforting sounds of the woods blasted from the tv. 

You wish you could be somewhere else. 

Anywhere but here. 

A single tear rolled down your cheek as a smile creeped up on your face, your butt against the floor as your knees were underneath your chin, your entire figure curled up into a small ball. 

You sighed as your eyes fluttered open again. You were still here, in your apartment that smelled like nothing but alcohol and disappointment. 

Firmly planting both your hands on the wooden floor you heaved yourself up with the intention of getting more tissues, the blue colored tissue box on the floor being as empty as others expectations of you. 

But as you stood up the entire room started spinning, small specks of rainbow flashing by your eyes. You thought you stood up to quickly grabbing onto the wall for a second before collapsing against it, your entire body shaking. You cried louder, thinking you were about to pass out. Your hair stuck to your tear stained cheek as your puffy eyes closed once again. 

What was happening?

The rain hit your unconscious body, your knees scraped from the concrete you lied on. You were soaked from head to toe, lying with your cheek against the ground in a puddle of rain. You woke up from your head pounding, your bloody knees only gaining your attention after you’ve looked around in a confused daze.

It was empty. An alleyway in the dark night. You found yourself panicked, anxiety bubbling inside of you. That’s when you saw it. A single street light above a red phone booth. You tried to stand up but fell over again as your legs could barely hold you up, now scraping your elbow against the gritty ground. 

Crying out, you started shouting for help. 

“HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP!” 

You screamed at the top of your lungs, voice cracking as your tears started to look identical to the rain that was pouring over your cold, helpless body. Nobody came, your voice only echoing against the wall that the phone booth stood near to. 

You got on all fours, crawling towards the light as pure pain shot through your body, small pebbles jabbing into the open wounds on your knees. You needed shield from the rain. Desperate huffs and groans escaping your parted lips as you dragged yourself through small puddles, the phonebooth seemingly getting further and further away from you. Looking through the soaked curtains that was your hair you were determined, this was life or death you thought as you continued to shout out for help, it appeared to be useless since the only other sound besides your own voice was the rain hitting the ground. 

Shivering hands grabbed onto the corner of the crimson red phonebooth, the streetlight illuminating your teary eyes. You held onto that frigid and wet piece of metal as if you were holding onto a treasure. 

As if you won a race.

As if you pleased your parents.

You looked up, dragging the inner side of your leg against the concrete, your pyjama pants wet to the bone. Desperately you got yourself together, your arms shaking as the rough pads of your hands met the ground, pushing yourself up into a standing position. You hissed at the pain in your knees as you grabbed onto the metal handle that opened the phonebooth, stepping inside.

The inside was surprisingly warm, as if someone had been there moments prior. A ripped piece of paper was taped on the glass pane to the right of the payphone, something that seemed like a phone number but could impossibly be since it wasn’t a full number. 

[1800-xxx]

You looked at the payphone and then back at the washed out paper, the edges of the note curling and stained with yellow. Only when you looked back at the phone again did you notice the keypad. To your surprise there was an “x” button. Your head felt heavy, deciding to lean it against the other side of the stuffy phone booth, your hot breath creating steam on the glass.

You wanted to wake up from this nightmare. 

Your entire body ached, let alone the blood that was dripping down your leg. The rusty payphone connected to the actual phone, a black handle connected to the underside of the machinery by a coiled metal rope. You picked up the phone, putting it against your ear and groaned when you remembered that you needed coins in order for the payphone to work

[0.5 gold/minute] 

You rubbed your eyes. Gold? You sighed loudly, your knees barely being able to hold your weary body any longer. Hesitant fingers pressed the number that was jot down on the lined note, pressing each key accordingly. You pressed the last x before you pressed the “call” button, not expecting anything to happen. 

But after a few seconds a female automated voice spoke to you. 

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice lagged, a static sound accompanying the automated voice. Your breath got shaky as you looked around, holding the phone close to your ear with both hands. This could only be some sort of kidnapping scheme or this was a sick dream. 

“It’s a dream, y/n. Calm down, nothing's gonna hurt you.”

You muttered to yourself, pinching your forearm tightly and wincing from pain. This wasn’t a dream after all. 

Your gaze landed on the brown paper cup that was balancing delicately on top of the payphone, your cracking knuckles reaching for it as you let the phone fall out of your grasp, being caught mere inches from the sticky floor of the photobooth by the coil. Bringing the cup closer to your face you saw a dark viscous liquid that smelled sweet enough to sting your nose. Your face contorted into disgust, debating on whether not to drink the contents of the paper cup. 

“Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice continued ringing in your ears. You had nothing to lose. If you died then you at least got what you wanted. Holding your breath, you brought the cup closer to your quivering lips, parting them slightly as you held your nose tightly, not wanting to feel whatever horrible taste could be found in that dark pit of goo. 

It burned the moment it hit the delicate taste buds on your tongue, your voice muffled as the fluid descended down your throat, your larynx bobbing up and down with each gulp. Despite covering your nose you could taste the pungent sweetness, it tasted like pure acid. Not that you knew what that tasted like but what you assumed it would. 

You coughed, accidentally spilling some of the goo on the floor, dribbling out of your mouth. The heavy rain pitter-pattered against the metal roof above your head, your eyelids threatening to shut. The cup fell out of your hand as you slammed your forehead against the payphone, not hard enough to bleed but hard enough to bruise. Your jawbone hurt from how much you’d been crying, eyes puffy as the salty tears mixed with the rain droplets on your face.

“i-i’m sorry mom, i’m so fucking sorry.”

You rolled your forehead left to right against the rusty material of the payphone, your soaked hair covering your empty eyes. Your knees bent under you causing you to fall on your butt with your knees clinking against each other, the sticky contents on the floor sticking to the soft fabric of your pants. 

“I’M SO SORRY!”

You never thought a scream this loud could protrude its way out of your throat, the vibrations bouncing off the glass that to your surprise didn’t break. Everything started to become shades darker, almost as if a black and white filter settled over your vision. 

No, this is how you’re gonna die.

Alone.

In the rain. 

“Hyung, what are you gonna do with her?”

Muffled club music struck your ear along with a high pitched ringing, your eyelids felt as heavy as they’d been in the phonebooth. With your head pounding you slowly open your eyes, first not seeing anything but darkness before eight unknown men form a circle around you, hovering above you. 

You shoot up from your lying position, fear overtaking your body. Where were you but more importantly why the fuck were you alone in a dark room with 8 young men? Not thinking straight, you decided to scream once again, thinking they would back off and let you be.

“Get away from me!!”

The males covered their ears, groaning in pain and a blonde boy throwing himself on the floor, rolling around. 

“HEY!! HEY! WE’RE NOT GONNA HURT YOU!”

A strong voice overpowered yours, every word almost sounding like a grunt. You around, seeing that you were sitting on a soft leather couch before looking up at the male that was standing right infront of you. He was muscular, his biceps sitting snugly in the tight black t-shirt that covered him, a grey apron tied around his waist and his dark hair shielding his intense gaze and furrowed eyebrows. He had a jaw so sharp you could cut silence with it but silence was the last thing this room had. The boys were shouting at each other, trying to hush the others while screaming themselves. 

“SHUT UP!!”

The room got quiet as the muscular guy roared, the seven other individuals coming to a halt. You looked at them all with a puzzled expression, all of them handsome, a fact you couldn’t deny. 

“Where the fuck am I, who are you guys and p-please don’t kill me”

Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence as your eyes twinkled, tears teasing the corners of your eyes, fingers shaking in fear. The male closest to you sat down, the weight of the couch shifting. He rubbed his hand together before he started speaking in a calmer voice.

“I’m Changbin, bartender of the Lost Souls nightclub. That’s Chan, security guard.”

With his chin, he pointed at a guy in ripped black jeans with a white t-shirt, a sweatband across his forehead, pushing his slightly curly hair back. He didn’t look like a security guard, the only thing that might have pointed to that was the walkie-talkie hanging from his belt. You nodded before Changbin continued.

“And those are some friends, frequent visitors if you will.”

A light haired boy with shiny rhinestones under his eyes stepped forward after he’d been hugging the tallest guy in the room the entire time. 

“u-uhm, the name’s Felix! This is Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung and Minho, and yeah those two, Chan and Changbin.”

He pointed at each guy respectively and the room filled with small “hi’s” and smiles. They didn’t look threatening, all of them being very timid and looking down at the ground. Your gaze diverted back to Changbin that was staring at you the entire time.

“Can somebody tell me where I am?”

Changbin cleared his throat, stomping his boot a couple of times. 

“This is gonna sound,,, interesting but you have to believe me-”

You interrupted the muscular boy, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, noticing that it had dried. 

“Why should I believe you? We’ve just met?”

Changbin sighed. 

“Just,,, hear me out”. You nodded before he continued.

“You answered a phone call right?”

Nodding once again your gaze drifted towards the other boys that were looking at Changbin with googly eyes.

“Well,,, this place only appears to those who are,,, struggling with themselves. Obviously you don’t have to tell us why you’re here but,,, this is a place to let go. The only rule here is no fighting”

“Or dancing on the tables” the tall blonde boy added with a snark causing a squirrel-like boy to giggle, playfully hitting the blonde before looking at Chan who glared back at him, the boy being flustered and turning serious again. Jisung, his name was. 

“W-what did that phonebooth do,,, does everyone go through that?” you asked with a curious tone.

“Usually it’s a pleasant experience going in that phonebooth, the sun shining and people hanging around that alleyway before taking the phonecall and drinking the elixir,,, there must have been a glitch in the system.”

He sounded unsure, scratching the back of his head as he looked at all of the boys. 

“System? What system? I’m dreaming, right?” you said in panic, wanting to get out of this oddly suffocating room. 

“W-we are real and you’re not dreaming,,, it’s just that, we can’t meet in real life you know? This is a place to,,, let oneself go and I know it’s scary since you only get here randomly, it must have been hard passing out like that,,”

A boy with fluffy light brown hair and a pretty eye smile said, Seungmin! You remembered his name because you thought it fitted him, sounding both soft and sharp at the same time. 

“y-yeah,,, it was scary b-but thank you for caring about me” you said with a half smile

“oh! and also, we treated all your wounds, luckily you were passed out so you couldn’t feel the pain but let me tell you,,, it looked awful, I don’t understand how you did that Chan” Jisung remarked with wide eyes, looking at you concerned before turning to Chan.

“Did what?” you inquired to which Jisung responded.

“Removing the pebbles in your wounds, h-how did you even get those in there?” he asked to which you tried to remember, seeing hazed memories of you crawling on the asphalt in the storming rain.

“I was crawling towards the phone booth'' you said quietly as the boys gazed at you with concern. The atmosphere got dusked and in an attempt to lift the mood you cleared your throat, lightly running your hands over the bandaids that were plastered on your scraped knees, wincing from the contact. 

Changbin made eye contact with Chan, jerking his head towards the door to signal for him and the other boys to leave the room. Chan nodded and patted Jeongin on the shoulder, trying to scoot all the boys out of the room like a shepherd leading a bunch of silent sheep.

“Let’s have some fun! Drinks on me boys~” Chan exclaimed to get the boys off their worried thoughts about you, the curly haired male closed the door quietly and both you and Changbin stayed silent until the footsteps were faint on the other side of the black wooden door. 

“Is this better?” Changbin said with a slight smile at the end. “They can be quite the bunch sometimes, either they’re very much off the deep end or they’re just a rowdy mess” he laughs, looking out in the distance before he looks at you with your knees under your chin, holding your legs close to your body.

“So,,, we’re all here for similar reasons?” you mumbled, holding your gaze stable on his dark eyes.

“yeah,,, pretty much. We’ve all dealt with something mentally draining and of course you don’t have to tell but I just want you to know that nothing will hurt you here.” Changbin replied. 

“I do want to tell,,, but it’s just that I don’t want to be alone about it. I’ve never been around people that have shared the same experiences.”

Changbin slid closer to you on the couch, putting one leg over the other. 

“It’s like that for,,, almost every single individual in the club, we all want to tell our stories and this is the place to do it. No one is gonna judge you for it. I remember thinking that when I first got here, ‘everyone is gonna judge me for not drinking’.”

Changbin’s last sentence caught your attention.

“but aren’t you the bartender? shouldn’t you know all the,,, liquors and such?”

Changbin sighed and you regretted you sentence, thinking that maybe you asked a too personal question. 

“I do know them but not in the way one should.” 

Something clicked in your head when the boy uttered those words. You nodded silently, letting your gaze fall to your wounded knees as your shaky voice spoke;

“So do I” 

Changbin’s gaze was fixated on the floor as he shared what was on his mind. 

“But no one judged me,,, eh,,, I never asked for your name!” the boy said to which you giggled, reassuring Changbin that you were in a stable state.

“It’s y/n, nice to meet you!” you said, stretching your hand forward to shake his. Changbin smiled towards your gesture.

“pretty name, angel” he said, shaking your hand and noticing how small it was in his grasp, the cold metal of his rings contrasting to your now warm hands. He didn’t let go immediately, instead holding your hand and feeling it’s warm temperature, running his thumb across your knuckles softly. You snarked at his comment.

“angel? didn’t know we had established pet names for each other in barely 10 minutes of meeting.” 

“and I didn’t know angels landed in this place” he said back. “i’ve had to deal with 7 annoying boys that never listen to me,,, well, 8 but one of them,,, disappeared.”

You nodded, not wanting to overstep any boundaries by asking about that 8th guy incase it was an emotional topic. 

“how is it? working with alcohol despite having quite a rocky relationship to it?”

The buff boy hummed, drumming his fingers on the seat next to him. 

“It’s better than one might think. I get to be around it without engaging in the activity myself, simply serving clients and the boys  already know it, we look out for each other. Like a family you know!” Changbin said with a happy tone, not wanting the conversation to get you in a bad mood after all you’ve been through that night.

“family,,, could use one of those” you joked and Changbin actually laughed which you’ve never felt with anyone before, the only response you usually got was your therapist writing down your self deprecating jokes with their orange lead pencil.

“you’re always welcome to us” he said, letting go of your hand that now felt empty. You felt safe. There was no way of describing it but you felt this caring aura around this man, drawing you closer to him. 

“how long does this last? i’m guessing you go back to ‘the real world’ again at some point” you spoke, making quotation marks with your hands.

“it depends, it’s different every time but you will pass out just like you did when you got here but you won’t go back to the phone booth, you’ll wake up where you were last in real life. Time goes on in the real world but here,,, clocks don’t really work. We’ve tried bringing clocks or phones with us but the digits don’t change.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. This had to be a dream. 

“w-whats with the gold on the phone? Does money exist in this,,, universe?” you asked with confusion to which Changbin shook his head.

“no, drinks are free and so are the phone calls, i have no idea why the phone booth says that or why Chan said that drinks are on him, he must have been stressed trying to get the boys out of here” Changbin said to which you giggled.

“i-is there any time where you never return?” you asked, earning a bittersweet smile from the male.

“yeah,,, if those issues you have get resolved but,, that rarely happens. Destructive behaviours feed of each other. Get rid of one and it gets replaced with another.”

You recognised that. It was always something, you could never live in peace without feeling the need to self sabotage. 

“Poor innie knows that too well” he added with an acerbic tone. 

“innie?” you tilted your head in question, gazing around the dark room that was rather empty, only a couple of dark colored shelves on the wall and the couch you were sitting on along with the ceiling lamp that was stingy with it’s light.

“Jeongin, the youngest among us. Poor boy has been through it all, if it’s not drugs it’s self harm and Minho is a real dick sometimes, bringing pocket knives in “defense”. He’s delusional, thinking everyone is out to get him and Jeongin knows this. We’ve found our precious little boy in the bathroom too many times, holding those stupid knifes Minho keeps having on him and crying till his cheeks puff up.”

You took a mental note to keep your distance from Minho, feeling bad for Changbin that had to be amidst this mess while dealing with his own emotions. You could relate, being the emotional pillar between your parents that hated each other to the brink of physical violence. There’s always someone that has to suffer because of other people's problems. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Changbin.” you managed to stutter out, not knowing what else to add to the conversation.

“Ah,,, don’t be, y/n! Just take good care of yourself, that’s what matters the most to me” Changbin said. You smiled, moving closer and hovered your hand above his shoulder.

“Can I?” you asked quietly to which Changbin nodded and moments later felt your warm hand patting his back. He felt listened to. Understood. And even though he was yet to tell you his entire life story he knew that you were different from the others. You actually cared about him. 

The room started spinning again and you clutched onto Changbin’s black t-shirt, trying to stabilize yourself. Those rainbow colored speckles you had seen earlier appeared again, vision blurring right in front of your eyes. 

“y/n? how are you?” Changbin’s voice was worried but he knew what was happening. 

“it’s spinning again, I t-think I’m gonna pass,,, out” you muttered, 

“It’s alright y/n, I’m here yeah?” His rough voice distinguished itself from his comforting words as you held onto the dark haired boy, a faint smell of tobacco interlacing with the air you breathed in through your nose. Your two arms were now wrapped around the male with your face against his broad shoulder, eyes shutting as tightly as they could, face contorting into fear until everything disappeared. The vague beats of the music. The pain that ached from your knees. The feeling of finally finding home in someone's arms. 

Everything turned into nothing in Changbin’s embrace. You were slowly turning into his everything because he had nothing in his life. 

And then you woke up. 

You gasped for air as you woke up in panic, hunching over on the floor in a coughing fit, clawing at your neck for oxygen. Panting on the floor you put your forehead against the wooden laminated floorboards, your frizzy hair blocking out the little light that was in the apartment and being hit with the malodorous smell of distilled alcohol. 

What was that?

You were convinced that it was some kind of wicked dream. An escape from reality even. But as Changbin said, you did wake up in the exact same place and position you passed out in. A long breath seized through your lungs as you shifted in your position on the floor. 

“Son of a bitch!” 

Tears prickled the corners of your eyes as the hard floor hit your wounded knees. You quickly sat down on your butt, lifting your knees up to your chin and only then did your heart drop.

It wasn’t a dream. Your eyes lingered on the bandaids that were placed with the utmost care across your both knees, a stain of dark brown blood seeping through the sticky elastic material and dried blood staining your knees in a haphazard attempt of somebody trying to wipe it off without hurting you. You managed to grab the edge of the sofa, levering yourself up with, testing out the strength left in your wobbly legs. Your phone lit up, sitting on the place you’re usually curled up in. Throwing yourself on the soft piece of furniture you observed the phone screen, lost eyes wandering mindlessly over the brightly lit display. 

What you noticed wasn’t the worried text from your mother.

It was the fact that the digits hadn’t changed from when you passed out. 

Your head snapped towards the tv screen and the phone fell from your hand when you stared at the screen, breath trembling.

The same documentary. The same colibri. 

This couldn’t be. Surely you hadn’t just stopped time,,, right? This was not something Changbin warned you about. How long until you meet Changbin again? An hour,,, or ever? 

There was nothing else you could do besides wait. Wait until the next time you pass out. And what better way to make time pass but to be confronted by your mother? You pulled up the text on your phone and read it hastily before scoffing.

[Are you eating well? Please call if you see this]

Since when did she care about you? You knew that she did care. Somewhere deep inside her motherly heart she did care but the way she displayed that so-called ‘affection’ didn’t make it obvious. You tried to justify every word, believing all the lies she fed you. You tried so hard to believe that you were healthy, that your mental health wasn’t deteriorating before the eyes of your very own mother that was refusing to see the truth. That her child was indeed in pain. You couldn’t blame her, it was her way of dealing with the issue but it didn’t make it easier for you. Your thumbs hovered above the keyboard, you couldn't think of anything better to write and quickly typed it down before you hit send.

[yes, i’m busy]

Busy contemplating your existence. Your father wasn’t exactly any better. Throwing out each one of your family members until there was only him left. He had no trouble filling that emptiness, simply creating a new family and forgetting you as if you were a chapter of the book called ‘previous life’. You didn’t mind, not after everything he did to you and your mother. There was no need for a person like that in your life but unfortunately it influenced you more than you thought, always seeking validation in either work or relationships because how could you validate yourself after your self esteem had been crushed by this tyrant?

You threw your phone on the table, a clink noise being heard as it hit a bottle, knocking it over but not breaking it. Your parental issues or mental health was for once not the biggest concern in your life, now instead wanting to search for the answers that could explain the nightclub. How did it exist? What caused it to exist and who was behind it? You needed to get back there somehow. 

The tv had turned off by itself, you found yourself waking up on the couch, using a pillow as a blanket, hugging the warm material closer to your body as you whined. With confused and lost eyes you scanned the room for a clock, hitting the table a couple of times and finally getting your hands on your phone, bringing it closer to your eyes. 

[3:02 am] the digits lit up. You rubbed your tired eyes with your left hand, throwing the pillow on the floor and using the phone display as a torch in the pitch dark room. There was no point in falling asleep again, you had already slept so many hours, sleeping anymore would only make you drowsy the entire next day. You yawned as you staggered towards the bathroom, flicking the lightswitch on the wall and squinting fiercely as you were blinded by the harsh bathroom ceiling light. You put the phone down and quickly caught your reflection in the mirror before you sat down on the toilet to pee, folding a couple of sheets toilet paper in your hand. You yawned again as you flushed, going to wash your hands but once again being amused by your reflection.

That’s not me. 

It’s the person I’ve become but never wanted to be. 

Your dark circles almost reached your cheekbones, the wounds on your knees still stinging even after hours of peaceful slumber. You poked your tongue out to which the reflection did the same, staring back at you with frizzy hair and puffy eyes from tears. You couldn’t trust it. Mirrors lie you thought and so does every single reflective surface in the entire world. You would never know what you truly looked like and that ignited panic in you, feeling your breath rapidly increasing as you held onto the white cold edge of the bathroom sink. 

This happened. Too often. It was the feeling of not knowing yourself or your surroundings. Like you had just appeared in this world, scared and alone. To not know who you are and having to live with yourself til the day you die frightened you. But you didn’t know if death was any better. Sure, the thought was comforting but being buried under layers of soil, having flowers and insects living their best life above you as you simply rotted away wasn’t the solution to all your worries although a moment of eternal peace did sound tempting. 

You felt a lump in your throat, trying to cough as if it was some sort of anxiety flem when in reality it was your brain setting up imaginary barricades. Your hair draped in front of your face and with furious eyes you peeked up, seeing your almost demon-like expression and smiling psychotically. 

I hate you. 

I fucking hate you, y/n l/n.

Your smile was wiped off the moment the room started spinning. Your reflection becomes diffuse in the mirror as if it wasn’t enough not recognising it. A loud gulp made its way down your esophagus as you continued staring at yourself in disgust. You blinked slowly, every time you closed your eyes you saw those rainbow colored specks all around, almost as if they were distracting you from what was happening, like a kaleidoscope for a child. You felt as if the ground started shaking, an earthquake in your personal world that was separated from the real one. Maybe you were going back to the nightclub, to Changbin’s reassuring arms or maybe you we’re really going crazy this time. The specks got bigger, turning into elaborate patterns in neon colors that clouded your vision. You kept eye contact with your reflection for what seemed like forever, despising the person that was staring back, your gaze broken as your eyes rolled back in your skull, your eyes white as if you’d been hexed before you collapsed on the frigid bathroom floor. 

“y/n? y/n, wake up!” 

The sun dazed your eyes as you woke up on the slightly toasty concrete. Changbin tilted his head as a cigarette was hanging out the corner of his mouth, bright sunlight behind him. He had on a jean jacket with patches from several underground punk and rock bands, his neck was embellished with multiple silver chains and his hair was slicked back, glistening in the heat. He knocked the wind out of you even more, as if passing out in the bathroom wasn’t enough torture. 

“oh y/n! you’re awake!” 

Chan says, coming closer to you, this time he’s wearing a tanktop that showed off his flawless abs, your mouth watering at the sight. You only then remembered that you looked like a mess, still in your pyjamas that consisted of an old sports event t-shirt and small basketball shorts. 

“a-am i in the club again?” you say, rubbing your eyes with both hands before feeling your head pounding a bit, sitting up slowly and feeling the harsh ground beneath you. 

“no! you’re at the phone booth, everyone is here now oh and, this is usual how it’s supposed to look.”

After your vision stops blurring you look around, seeing the same alleyway and the same crimson phone booth but being hit with a completely different atmosphere. People were standing in all types of fancy clothes, trendy bright colors, exaggerated makeup and 7 inch platforms. The sun was beaming, it felt like a hot summer day with friends, just like the old days back when you had friends. 

“why does y/n always wear pyjamas? don’t you have any cool clothes?” Hyunjin snarks, pushing his blonde hair behind his ears, displaying his dangly silver and black earrings. 

“knock it off asshat, the poor girl is probably scared off her mind” Seungmin sneaks up behind the blonde, punching him lightly in the stomach before he smiles sweetly at you. Duality was this man's second name. 

“t-thank you seungmin” you said, giving a smile back but being met with a surprised facial expression.

“you remembered my name!” he said, giggling adorably. You gave a small nod before you looked back at Changbin that was drawing a breath from the cigarette, puffing out a white cloud close to your face before waving it away. You noticed how tired Changbin looked, his cheekbones sunken in and his complexion bleak. He stretched out his hand to help you up which you grabbed, the insides between his pointer and ring finger being slightly stained orange from tobacco. You wobbled up on your feet, knees slightly unstable but feeling better from sitting down a while. 

“are you alright y/n? i could open that resting room if you want” he said before inhaling smoke once again, spreading in his mouth and intoxicating him. You shook your head.

“i want to see the club, why not while we’re there you know?” you said, smiling brightly and making his heart jump. Changbin hid the grin he so desperately wanted to display by dropping the cigarette bud on the concrete, stepping on it with his heavy boots that had chain details attached. 

“alright, whatever you want angel” Changbin sneered which caught the attention of the 7 other boys, all staring at the jean-jacketed boy. 

“angel? seems like someone has a crush” Hyunjin remarked making Jisung burst out in laughter. 

“says master heartbreaker” Chan said under his breath making Hyunjin furrow his eyebrows, diverting his gaze from Changbin to Chan instead. 

“come on you guys! can we not go to the club already?” Felix said, him also wearing a crop top along with a leather chest harness that accentuated his figure. Jisung nodded and made his way towards the phone booth that had droplets of steam on the inside, Felix and Hyunjin following shortly after the squirrel-like boy. You observed the alleyway. People leaning against the grey wall where the phone booth was, either smoking or chatting. Some were standing, others sitting down directly on the concrete, feeling the same heat you felt as you woke up. 

With unstable steps you walked towards the phone booth behind all the boys, Changbin staying by your side and waving his hands towards the 7 boys that had somehow crammed into the humid and stuffy metal building, Chan closing the glassdoor as a couple of the boys giggled. You and Changbin stood on the other side of the door, seeing how Chan grabbed the black phone you had once held with cold dirty hands and Seungmin giggling as he took a sip out of the contents in the paper cup, passing it around to the others that did the same.

They disappeared right in front of you. Your mouth stood agape. They didn’t pass out, they just disappeared into thin air, leaving the airless crimson structure empty yet again. 

“w-wait, why didn’t they pass out?” you asked, turning to Changbin as you ran a hand through your hair.

“it happens when you’re new. the body isn’t used to the entire,,, universe switch so you will probably pass out this time also but don’t worry, i’ll catch you” 

Changbin grinned, opening the door and being hit by the lack of oxygen. He held the door open for you to which you smiled, stepping inside and seeing that the paper cup had been refilled automatically. The door closed behind Changbin, you standing in close proximity to the boy as you lifted the phone slowly, still feeling the warmth from Chan’s hand. The dark haired boy grabbed the brown paper cup, not even looking at the goopy substance before drinking it, seeing his adam's apple bob up and down. You put the phone towards your ear, wondering why you didn’t hear the female automated voice.

“it doesn’t work?” you said with confusion to which Changbin smiled, pressing in the infamous number on the rusty keypad.

[1800-xxx]

“yeah, it doesn’t if you don’t type in the number” he chuckled, holding the paper cup in both hands and leaning against the humid glass.

Suddenly you hear the voice you were dreading the hear.

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

It reminded you of that night. That dark rainy evening. The voice started to lag, just like it did last time. You hung up and turned around whereupon you saw Changbin handing you the paper cup. You gulped and put your lips on the edge of the cup, looking at him with unease but feeling comfortable with his presence. You tilted the cup, feeling the sweetness trickle down your throat, almost stinging your insides. Changbin smiled, he looked like the typical bad boy from every cliché teen movie but it made your heart flutter, slightly embarrassed at the state of yourself. He pushed away from the glass wall and swiped his thumb across the corner of your mouth, wiping off the sweet liquid and licking it off the tip of his thumb. You stood there, frozen at the sudden action, gazing softly at him. 

“you had something there” he chuckled as you started to feel lightheaded again, your eyelids getting heavy. 

“thanks” you said shortly, your gaze drifting down on the dirty floor beneath your feet, drifting in and out of consciousness. 

Changbin didn’t say anything, catching you mere seconds after you collapsed on the grimy surface. Admiring your heavy eyes and puffy cheeks for a second before he himself disappeared into the abyss. 

“One Moscow mule, please!” 

An unfamiliar voice shouted through the blasting club music accompanied by what sounded like the shaking off a cocktail shaker. You groaned, your eyes fluttering open and being hit by the beams of a thousand light machines in all sorts of colors.

“Oh y/n!!” Jisung shouted on the other side of the bar, you found yourself sitting on a chair in the corner of the bar, on the same side as Changbin that was working diligently, mixing some concoction into a metal shaker. You rubbed your eyes, yawning and wondering how you could sleep sitting up. You heard Changbin set the metal cup down, telling something to the woman beside him, must be his co-worker you thought. He kneeled down next to the chair you were sitting on, looking up at you with curious eyes. 

“how are you feeling?” he asked loudly, trying to overvoice the music.

“im good” you answered back just as loud, the two of you locking eyes. Changbin smiled at you with his tired face, glancing over the glasses that were located beneath the bar. 

“you want something to drink?” Changbin said to which you nodded. 

“give me anything” you said, messing with your hair and sighing. You felt tired, an urge to sleep despite the loud blaring music. Maybe it was more of an emotional fatigue. A lack of feeling. And that’s usually when you turn to the bottles. Changbin nodded, standing up and returning to his co-worker, starting to grab all kinds of pretty coloured alcohol. 

“ay! y/n! come join us!” you heard Felix say, him standing with a glass in his hand, the other boys scattered around the club along with the other troubled individuals. You smiled widely, looking around and noticing the small exit gate connected to the bar. You patted Changbin on the back, him turning around with a grin before you exited through the gate, closing it after you and pushed through the crowd of people, making your way over to the boys. 

“y/n, welcome to where you will feel alive” Jisung yelled, spreading his arms and nearly knocking someone in the hand.

It was truly living you thought. Every single way to escape reality was located here whether it would be alcohol, drugs or sex. People dancing and jumping, grinding and rubbing up against each other. In multiple booths there were people making out, touching in unknown places. Many looked outright high, moving as if their body was possessed by some dance god, not knowing how to control their limbs. You could have sworn you saw Seungmin putting a yellow pill in his mouth, smiling mischievously at someone you didn’t know. 

So this was letting go. 

“y/n! here!” you heard Changbin’s voice call behind you, turning around and seeing him putting a glass of clear liquid onto the stained wooden bar with coasters scattered all around, a couple lime wedges floating around with the ice in the glass.

“vodka tonic, giving you the strong ones” he said, grinning, to which you smiled back, understanding the hint to his personal life through his eyes. The glass was cold against your warm hand since you were in this stuffy environment filled with countless people and without any windows, only a ventilation system that led to nothing. You put the edge of the glass against your lips, taking a sip and swallowing harshly, feeling bitterness that tasted sweet because that’s what alcohol does when it’s consumed on a particularly bitter day. Or life. 

The other boys were dancing, Chan mostly hanging around the edges of the nightclub and observing the nightlife. You made your way over to him, taking another sip in order to gain the courage to strike up a conversation. 

“Sup? you feeling any better?” he asked before you had the chance to even open your mouth. 

“better. why aren’t you enjoying yourself like the others?” 

“i mean,,, i’m technically doing my job even though i’m not getting paid for it. i just like to be in charge i guess,,,” he said, getting more and more silent as he spoke. You nodded.

“i do work with stuff in real life as well” he added, to which you raised your eyebrows.

“what do you work with,,, if you don’t mind me asking!” you said, taking another sip of what tasted like Lucifer’s saliva. 

“music producer! it’s tiresome but,,, i don’t really need sleep,,, or more like i can’t sleep. lucky there’s energy drinks and naps” he said with a giggle, his dimples displaying as he chuckled, leaning against the black walls of the nightclub. 

“must be tough,,, but wait,,, i’ve never heard your music,,, and also shouldn’t you be the DJ then?” you said confused, swirling the liquid in your hand. 

“but that’s the thing y/n, all these people, every single person you see in this room lives in another universe”

You gazed at him, Chan looking straight ahead towards the crowd.

“what do you mean by different universes?” you asked to which curly haired boy cocked his eyebrow.

“we will never coexist y/n, when i tell you that we’ve tried to bring our friendships to the real world i really mean it. we will never exist in your life outside of this hub and,,, it sucks.” Chan took a pause before speaking, pondering on what to say next.

“-thats what happened with a friend we had. i’m saying had because we don’t know where they are or what adventures await them. They just,,, disappeared” Chan said mellowly, you humming in response as you took a final sip of the devil’s juice, already feeling your face heating up.

“h-how does one get out of this place,,, forever i mean” you asked, leaning back against the same wall as Chan and looking right ahead as the song changed to a slower, almost psychedelic beat. 

“when said person gets help,,, or starts to feel better or when you hit the casket, three options basically” he says with an acerbic smile. “what? Do you like Changbin?” Chan says teasingly. “you’ve been catching glances at him this entire conversation.”

He was right, you had been glancing over at Changbin occasionally, you couldn’t help it. Was it an excuse for you to look at his cute face from a distance or because you cared about him? You laughed it off but Chan turned serious.

“you know that’s it’s not possible.” he says quietly.

“what? what is not possible?”

“a relationship”

You choked on your own saliva, being blinded by the annoyingly bright strobe lights.

“a relat- ya! do you really think I have time for any of that? besides,,, i’m not really interested in Changbin.”

“who said only you should be interested?” 

Your eyes widened when Chan said that. No way could Changbin have these weird feelings to you, the feeling shouldn’t be mutual. 

“h-has Changbin said something about you?” you asked timidly, gazing over at Changbin that temporarily made eye contact across the club.

“why don’t you ask him yourself? but i’m telling you y/n,, don't get attached, you will get hurt,,, j-just like i did once” 

Sure, you understood what Chan meant. Everyone was here for the time being. One day he could disappear if he decided that the life he was living now either isn’t worth it or he takes control and makes something out of it. There comes a time where you are too tired of living the way you do and so you do something about it, no matter if it’s good or bad. 

Changbin waved his hand at you, wanting you to join him behind the bar where now Felix was standing and annoying Changbin by tickling him or whispering in his ear as he moved his body with much fluidity. You smiled, waving towards Chan shortly before you once again made your way through the crowd, feeling lightheaded but in a positive way, as if you really were forgetting reality for a moment. 

“y/n!! come!!” Changbin yelled, bouncing slightly to the typical house beat that was now playing, barely holding the bottle of gin since Felix was pestering him playfully. Changbin’s co-worker opened the wooden gate for you, smiling sweetly at you and you doing the same back, your gaze drifting down until you notice the red marks around her throat. You were often scared by people. Not by their actions but by their way to cover them up and of course, you were guilty of this too. Looking at these people you would never guess the pain that was going on inside, the surface level happiness really is surface level. You could smile genuinely towards her, you didn’t have to understand everything she was going through but you knew how it was, smiling when bridges are burning in your mind. 

Sometimes pretending hurts more. 

“Changbin!” you squealed after you had passed by his co-worker, holding the empty glass that was now nothing more but half melted ice cubes and three wedges of bright green lime. Without thinking you put the glass down on his working station and pull him into a tight hug, squeezing your body against his and feeling the warmth radiate off of him. He froze awkwardly in your arms before loosening up, wrapping his arms around you and ultimately taking in your scent that was now mostly pungent with liquor and sleep, a soft scent that Changbin couldn’t get enough off. You felt safe which was rare in a nightclub especially knowing that most people were either high or carrying weapons. But there was something about him that made you feel like home. It felt familiar, like you’d visited his soul. As if the two of you were sharing the same empty house in your heart despite you never letting anyone in, too scared to be hurt again. Maybe you could let Changbin in, maybe he was different. 

The hug lasted longer then you thought, his eyes darting all over the stuffy room before he slowly let go, taking a long inhale of the almost addictive smell. The two of you locked eyes, a shy red tinged his cheeks that was only visible due to there being a spotlight just above him. 

“can i talk to you for a second?” you asked, rather boldy which was odd. He nodded and grabbed your wrist only to pull you in behind the same black door where you once ended up in, confused and dazed. He let go of you and closed the door behind him, you standing in the middle of the room that now had tiny light standing on the floor, nothing more new then the same old shelfs and black leather couch. 

“what did you wanna talk about?,,, figured you maybe wanted to tell me somewhere more quiet”

‘Quiet’ was an overstatement, the music was making the walls shake and even though it was muffled the jumping of hundreds of people could still be heard in the small dark room where you were alone, with him. 

“ehm,,, i don’t know really,,,” you stammered, not knowing what else to say.

“is something wrong y/n? Do you need to be alone for a while? i can le-”

“no, thank you,,, i just wanna be with you.” You interrupted him, his eyebrows furrowing when you uttered the last sentence. He stepped closer to you, the soles of his shoes making a pleasant sound against the floor. You lifted your gaze at him, Changbin standing right in front of you. Beauty that could make you drool. His hair was slightly messy, temples sweaty as he had worked and fetched all kinds of bottles for hours, the grey apron marking his title in the nightclub.

“but i’m here with you! Are you playing some sort of prank on me? did chan set this up?” he chuckled with a smirk, throwing a gaze at the door before diverting it back to your glossy eyes.

“n-no,,, Changbin, I want you”

His mind went blank and so did yours.

You don’t know why you said that but it was too late. The cat was out of the bag. It was too late.

“y/n? are you drunk?” he asked, looking at you seriously and putting the back of his hand against your forehead, suspecting you might be getting sick. You shook your head in response.

“no, it was only one drink, you know? i just,,, kinda,, want you”

You grabbed his hand that was still lingering on your forehead and drew it closer to your heart, holding firmly by his wrist. The clothed valleys of your breasts made contact with the rough palm of his hand, Changbin’s eyes still glued to yours. He scoffed loudly.

“and here i was,,, thinking it was some sort of unrequited love”

It felt like his hand turned into thorns, stinging your heart. So he wanted you too. 

Changbin’s hand that rested on your boob snaked upwards, grabbing your jaw as he smiled at you briefly, tilting his head and slowly closing his eyes, attaching his rough lips on yours. Your eyes widened before they closed slowly, eyelashes fluttering in a flirty haze. This was how it felt to kiss someone you loved. It was as if a thousand fireworks ignited inside your beating heart, flying and exploding in an array of colors. A pure lightshow. 

Your hands made their way to Changbin’s angular face, cupping his cheeks and feeling his sharp cheekbones against the palms of your hands. Your noses accidentally bumped into each other as your heads tilted from left to right, a sensual pace to the kiss to which the dark haired boy chuckled, adding some laughter to the otherwise grave situation that contained the sounds of two lips smooching each other. The music was only adding to the ambiance, Changbin’s hands wandering and exploring territory on your body that was foreign to him but very well-known to you. Your wet tongues danced around to a serenade, his kiss was strong, sure to leave an unforgettable impression on you. You would want him from now on and forever. 

You moaned into the kiss as his hands rested on your ass, groping the flesh that was covered by your pyjamas-shorts. This made Changbin cock his eyebrow, pieces of his slicked back hair falling into his face as making him look like a charming 80′s prince. His fingers danced around the elastic band of your pants, fingers hooking and playfully tugging on the string, a silent plea for you to take them off. You smiled against his lips, saliva exchanging in a heavy and steamy kiss, your cheeks growing warmer by the second. 

The two figures melted into one as Changbin pulled you closer to his body, feeling his cock poke through the coarse material of his jeans against your lower abdomen. Good to know that he was enjoying this as much as you were. Your hands descended downwards, traveling along his black tight t-shirt, the jean jacket from earlier being god knows where. The contour of his abs made you smirk, you knew what he was hiding beneath these clothes that you ravenously wanted to tear up. You palmed him through his pants, earning a hiss from the male that panted heavily into the kiss. 

You broke the kiss, taking a moment to breathe as your lips were separated by a lonely string of saliva. You grabbed Changbin’s wrist, pushing him down on the leather couch as you straddled his lap, feeling his hard-on against your aching wet cunt. You wanted him so bad and here he was, in front of you for only you to devour. Changbin grabbed onto your hips, pinning them down against his cock and leaning forward to reattach his lips on yours, teeth  accidentally clicking against each other moments before your sloppy hot tongues met, feeling his tongue against the soft surface of yours. The sound of lips meeting ringed through your ears, your hips grinding against Changbin’s crotch in a steady pace, feeling your neediness grow. Your hands ran along his abdomen, sneaking them up inside his shirt and tugging on the black material of his t-shirt, pulling it above his head. What was hiding underneath his clothes was more than a pleasant surprise. Your lips moved swiftly against his jawline, peppering kisses on his delicate neck as your hands teased the supple skin of his abdomen, feeling the outline of his muscles against your touch. 

Changbin placed his hands near your stomach, pulling your oversized sleeping shirt over your head in the same fashion you did moments earlier. You gasped as the fabric danced over your now hardened nipples, freeing your tits. Of course you didn’t wear a bra when you were in the comfort of your own home but you didn’t think anyone would actually undress you, especially not Changbin. He hummed at the sight, cupping your tits in his hands that were covered in metal rings, feeling the coldness against your heated skin. You shuddered, the sensation shooting down to your dripping core. He kneaded them in his hands as you rubbed against his cock, his boner having a visible outline through his pants, you couldn’t help but to fiddle with his belt buckle, undoing it and hearing the clicking sound of the buckle hitting itself. Changbin pulled away from your swollen lips, tapping you on the thigh to step off in order for him to pull his pants down. You moved to the seat next to him on the couch, the leather sticking back as you laid down, lifting your hips up to remove your pyjama pants along with your panties that quickly hid underneath the fussy pants due to it’s rather interesting print, small teddy bears printed on the fabric. You kicked off your shoes, more like slippers that you wore indoors. 

Changbin swiftly pulled down his jeans and black boxers in one motion, throwing them close to your pile of clothes at the base of the couch. Your eyes widened, mouth watering at the pure sight of his cock, a pretty bead of precum decorating his slit, contrasting with the crimson shiny tip. A big gulp descended down your esophagus, heat tinging your cheeks. He chuckled from seeing you stare at his member with shiny doe eyes that reflected in the small lamp on the floor.

“You seem,,, intrigued” he chuckled to which you giggled, not believing that you were really in this small room together with him. 

“Y-yeah,,, maybe I am” you snarked, moving your gaze to his eyes and smiling. Only on your way upwards his well-sculpted body did you see the boy holding a small blue plastic item. You furrowed your eyebrows when Changbin opened the packet, retrieving a slightly slippery condom from inside. 

“Do we even need that?” you laughed before continuing. “I mean if nothing gets transferred to the real world neither should pregnancies or STD’s” 

Changbin tsked, rolling the condom onto his veiny cock, turning slightly away from you to avoid your intense eyes. 

“Ask Chan, he would know” Changbin said, turning back to you and making his way over to the couch.

“N-no,,, no way.” You shook your head, your mouth agape as your eyes still danced over Changbin’s buff thighs. 

“Yup, knocked up a girl” he said, suppressing a laugh. “And that’s why y/n, you never think with your dick”.

“Being completely honest,,, I expected more from Chan, he seems really,,, responsible” you remarked, Changbin hovering over you and placing a soft kiss on your lips, his hands on either side of your figure.

“He is but I think love is his weak spot or more like,,, lack of love. He often confuses love with either sex, money or fame,,, might I even say drugs.” 

You simply nodded not knowing what more to add to the conversation, Changbin’s fingers tracing small circles around your nipples, sneaking them down between your legs where your cunt was aching after him. Anything, as long as it was him. His middle- and ring finger dipped into your heat, feeling the wetness between your folds causing you to hold on to Changbin’s sturdy shoulder. Without warning his fingers entered your dripping hole, fingers curling upwards and grazing your g-spot. You flinched, feeling his cold metal rings against your clit. The dark haired boy shushed, reassuring you that you were in safe hands and that he would make you feel good. Nothing else mattered besides you. 

His fingers grazed your velvety walls, thrusting up into your cunt with just enough vigor to make you clutch to his bicep, the firm muscles making you swoon. You whined, spreading your legs even wider, your left leg hanging over the leather couch, sticking to your thigh as your body was heating up from arousal. The wet sounds of Changbin’s fingers playing with your cunt along with your soft whimpers were louder than the music outside, you pressing your head back onto the couch, rubbing your hair on the material. Changbin licked his plump lips upon seeing your face contorting into all kinds of lewd facial expressions, his cock needing to feel your warmth wrapped around it. The pad of his thumb played with your clit, laying it flat against the nub and teasing it in small circles causing tears to prickle in the corners of your shut eyes. 

“a-are you alright y/n?” he whispered softly in your ear, kissing the shell of your ear. You nodded, your hands cupping your tits, pinching your hardened nipples, adding pleasure and heat to the burning in your core. Changbin pulled out his fingers, putting the slick covered digits in his mouth and watching you with hawk eyes as he lapped up your juices, humming in delight. 

“fuck you taste so good angel” he stated, making you blush, covering your face with your hands. Changbin chuckled, tapping the tip of his dick against your swollen clit and aligning himself with your entrance. You moaned from the sensations, wrapping your legs around him to pull him in, you growing impatient the more he teased. 

“p-please fuck me Changbin” you said uttered in a faint voice, barely audible due to the music. It was as if his eyes tinged with a dark color, full of lust. His eyes were hooded, looking down at you with half closed lids, sighing loudly with sexual frustration. He wanted to destroy you, make you his but he had to hold onto his composure. Holding you firmly by your hips he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside you, grunting at the warmness that comforted him. You hissed, biting the inside of your cheek, your nose scrunching up at the feeling of being stretched out by his girthy length. 

“can I go all the way? does it feel alright?” he asked. You answered with a small “yes”, more worried about the door being unlocked, anyone could burst through the door in seconds only to witness Changbin fucking you on the couch. That thought was quickly wiped from your mind as his cock stuffed into your cunt, your eyes rolling back into your skull as he slowly thrusts into you, using the hands on your hips as a way to guide him, nailing your cervix with each movement. The tips of his ears turned red, the silver chain around his neck reflecting on the dim light in the room as it rocked back and forward above you. You placed your hands around his wrists, looking boldly into his eyes with, a feeling brewing inside you that was hard to describe. It was titillation mixed with yearning. You knew you got him here. He was safe in your arms. You wanted to save him from everything bad in this world but how is that possible when you can’t even save yourself?

“c-changbin” you said in broken syllables, his thrusts only quickening. “changbin!” you repeated, shutting your eyes tightly, curling your toes in pleasure as a string of pretty moans melodically fell from your mouth along with his name. You couldn’t take it, his cock ramming into you in a both mindful and eager manner causing you to claw at his forearms, nails digging into the soft skin. Your tongues were once again caught in a kiss, the taste of your tongue being irresistible to the boy but not sure if it was your love that was drawing him in or the subtle taste of liquor from earlier. His lips felt parched against your, his tongue gliding on your bottom lip before kissing it, his saliva feeling hot in your mouth. The boy above you pulled away for a moment.

“you’re so pretty like this y/n,, fuck, i think i love you”

You gulped but your silence was soon cut off from Changbin slamming his hips against yours, his cock hitting your that specific spot that made you go crazy, the familiar feeling of your orgasm penting up inside you. You moaned with desperation, the lewd sounds bouncing off the dark colored walls. This was music for Changbin’s ears. His grunts accompanied by your whimpers and the squelching sound of your walls engulfing his dick so tightly, the sounds alone was heaven for him. With every move against your body you felt the well-acquainted smell of cigarettes that you could almost feel in your lungs, an addictive scent. 

“i love you too, Changbin” you mumbled, slurring on your words from nervousness, feeling shy even though you were naked in front of him. He smiled, peering down at you as his hair fell from it’s perfect gelled state. You smiled softly at him, his cheeks slowly turning a red that matched his lips. Your moans turned to borderline screams, his cock twitching inside of you as he slowly got closer to his sweet release. Clenching around him, Changbin grabbed bent your legs towards you, gently rolling his head backwards as the pace got quicker. 

“i’m g-gonna cum! don’t stop!” you yelped, your heart thumping at the speed of light, tiny sweat droplets forming on your forehead. Changbin reached so deep inside of you causing you to thrash around, fiercely trying to grip to the edges of the couch. The burning in your core got intense, it felt as if a thousand stars were falling at the same time, bursting with amativeness. The sudden feeling of warmth took over your body, a pleasant tingle surging. A breathy moan leaving you stunned, grabbing onto Changbin’s hands that were pushing your knees towards you. Just as your orgasm washed over you like a ton of bricks falling to the ground, your body jolted with the last couple of powerful thrusts, a loud gasp slipping from his lips. His girthy cock released it’s seed into the condom, his hot breath lingering near you. 

He let go of your quivering legs, them flopping down on either side of him. Your chest heaved up and down as you breathed through your parted lips. Changbin pulled off, carefully removing the condom and discarding it somewhere on the floor. He snuggled close to you on the narrow couch, pressing his sweaty body against yours, taking a moment to catch his breath before speaking.

“So you love me too?” he chuckled. You turned to face him, looking deep into his dark brown eyes that looked pitch black in the dim light. After a loud exhale you answered him.

“No, I think I can’t live without you” you whispered, rubbing the tip of your nose against his. His stable breath tickled against your chin, your eyes slowly closing as Changbin was observing your features that he found insanely attractive. And it was even more attractive that you were his. But this couldn’t last.

“You know this is not possible y/n” he said with sadness in his voice as he gulped, his adams apple protruding. You knew it, the thing you dreamt of wasn’t possible since the two of you didn’t exist in each other's worlds. 

“I feel fucking stupid” you said with closed eyes, sighing after your words. Changbin shook his head. 

“Don’t give up that easily y/n, we can try”. He was right but what relationship was only visible in the darkness of a nightclub? Only a promiscuous one. Yet, you didn’t want to give up. Not matter what kind of relationship it was you wanted to be with him. 

“So,,, what does that mean? That we are-”

“Dating, I guess” he added shortly, the corner of his lips lifting upwards. It sounded weird in your ears. Dating someone you had only met a couple of times but it felt right. This was where you belonged. In his arms, away from all your demons. He truly cared for you, not like the others. He was unlike those in your life that said that they cared but never wanted to know more than the surface level of your character. He wanted to know everything about you. Your hurt, your sorrows, your pain but also your happiness, your joy and your solace. He wanted to know you. 

Your hands trailed up and down his upper arms, his skin feeling soft against your touch. The two of you cuddled like this for a while, Changbin running his hands along your hair, its smell reminding him of a green meadow of millions of flowers in all shapes, colors and sizes. He didn’t want to leave but if he wasn’t back in the bar the boys would start looking for him and the last thing he wanted was 7 boys teasing him for getting it on. You were more than a hookup. More than just a fling. 

Changbin stood up, squinting his eyes in order to look for his clothes and finding them scattered all over the room. He pulled his underwear and jeans over his lower body before pulling his shirt over his top half, the black t-shirt sitting snugly around his muscles. He ran a hand through his dark hair, shaking his head before smirking at you. Such a tease. 

“Do you have to leave?” you asked with a whiny voice, your arms felt empty once again. He nodded.

“i’m afraid so, don’t want them thinking I've been transported back without them knowing, they get worried but that’s only natural I guess.” 

You nodded back, putting your cheek against the leather on the seat, your arm hanging straight down, the back of your hand limp against the floor. 

“Get dressed if you want to have some more fun or you can chill here for a moment but I have to warn you, that door doesn’t have a lock” Changbin said, pointing at the only door in the room. 

“i’ve already noticed that” you remarked, grabbing your panties and only after you’ve pulled them halfway up your thigh did you see Changbin smirking at you.

“You’re cuter than I thought” he said, pointing at your teddy bear panties with his chin, stepping closer to you. You looked away, biting your lip in embarrassment as you felt his hand on your hair, ruffling it sloppily. 

“You’re making fun of me!” you said back with a pout, pulling your pyjama pants over your bottom. 

“yeah, because you’re adorable” he said, placing a peck on your lips. You wanted more of him. He was simply addictive. 

But not even this universe wanted to see you two together.

Your eyelids got heavier, your eyebrows furrowing at the familiar yet distant feeling. It felt unknown until you saw the small specks clouding up your vision once again. 

“y/n? y/n, how are you?” Changbin said with worry, grabbing you by your shoulders and looking at your apathetic gaze. “N-no, y/n, don’t leave now”

You didn’t want to but you didn’t decide when you left. 

You harshly held Changbin in your arms, putting your forehead against his shoulder, rubbing against it. Changbin slowly put his hands around you, patting your back as salty tears rolled down your warm cheek, putting wet stains on his shirt. 

“shh,,, it’s ok y/n, are you feeling dizzy?” he asked carefully to which you nodded mellowly, your bottom lip quivering as the multicolored boxes of light flashed before your eyes. The room felt unstable, like your legs wouldn’t hold you much longer and they didn’t when you collapsed into Changbin’s arms, him holding you tightly to his chest as your knees buckled. Your voice was unstable, a silent cry pleading to be heard.

“I love you” you whispered in a frail voice. The ear-deafening music from outside was tuning out from your hearing, your words slurring at the end as you repeated yourself for the last time. 

“I love y-you”

Changbin was left hugging air, his arms empty as he opened his sparkling eyes. He was close to tears because he was left there. Without you. 

“HEY! WHERE IS- oh” 

Jisung burst through the black door, the six other boys standing close behind him as they looked around the room, eventually catching eye contact with Changbin.

“She went home” Changbin said softly, letting his arms fall to the sides. Jisung inched closer to him, patting him on the shoulder where your tears were still left as a souvenir of your love. 

“She’ll come back, don’t worry about it” Jisung said with a reassuring smile, leading Changbin to the door, out of the room that smelled like sex and tenderness.

“Euw,, what is this doing here? Does nobody know how to clean up?” Felix said pointing at the used condom on the floor. Changbin’s face went cold, stopping dead in his tracks. 

“is it yours or something Changbin?” Hyunjin laughed, pushing the youngest, Jeongin, in a fit of laughter. 

The room went quiet after Hyunjin’s cold laughter. It was pretty obvious.

“YOU FUCKED HER?” Jisung screamed in Changbin’s ear, making him flinch away and holding his ear in pain. The room filled with all sorts of teasing sounds, everything from “ooh~" to “AYE” in obnoxious voices. 

“Luckily he used a condom!” Minho snarled, glancing over at Chan that was ready to beat Minho into pulp. Chan sighed, regretting that he didn’t shove the condom in Minho’s smirky face. 

“No but seriously you guys, y/n is more than you think. It’s not just another person I fucked, she actually means something to me.” 

Just when Changbin thought he had something special some of the boys started laughing even harder, ruffling his hair and poking his cheeks.

“yeah right,,, what? are you guys dating or something?” Seungmin asked, rolling his eyes.

“yes, i’m serious you guys! I love her,,,” he said with a frown, already missing your touch.

“What idiot gets into a relationship 3 months before they have to go to rehab?” Minho says, retrieving a cigarette from the red packaging in the pocket of his leather jacket. 

Oh fuck. 

Rehab.

When someone recovers from their pain is when you disappear from the club. You are no longer a lost soul. You are no longer lost within yourself. And that’s when you return to the real world, your real world. 

Keeping secrets in a relationship was deceitful in Changbin’s eyes. If you belong to someone you should be as transparent as the liquor he poured into his ice cold glass every evening. He felt guilty. You poured your heart out for him, telling him everything that had hurt for so many years and here he was, pretending. He did that a lot, mainly because he was taught to be a reliable man. It wasn’t manly to feel. 

Which is why he left his home at a young age. He didn’t care if he worked a minimum wage job and lived in a destitute area, he was content as long as he didn’t live with his parents. But when you live alone it’s not rare that isolation creeps up on you and strokes your cheek with a feather light touch, inviting you over to a dance with the demons that would soon cloud up your mind. Alcohol was Changbin’s comfort. It was the only one that didn’t fail to reassure him. It was as if the bottles spoke to him, promising him that a life intoxicated was better than the life he was currently living. 

And he fell for it.

Every time.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted to live a life that is actually worth living. Change comes from within but he needed help and he had only recently realized that he had a problem, that these toxic liquids were what’s keeping him from chasing the dream life. He didn’t dream of much, just the average life would be more than enough, with someone he loved. 

But what was he supposed to do?

Take the step to recover or continue his addiction for the sake of being with you?

The demons whispered softly in his ears.

Life or Love?

Taglist ; @minholuvs @liz820​ @skztrashbag @lix-freckle3​ 

[rhenuvee]

Congratulations on reaching 400 followers ^^ well-deserved!! <3

May I request a match up with a male character from Genshin?

I'm a rather reserved and quiet person, but when I'm comfortable with someone I let myself loose a little, but still holding up my guard. I'm also really really private, but not secretive. I xon't sugar coat my words but I also make sure I won't come as offensive. i find it weird that even if I'm only engaging in a casual conversation, my wordings are rather either formal, but soft-spoken, or flowery (you know, metaphors) lol. Due to my being quiet I am not really someone people take interest in engaging prolonged conversations with, whicb I appreciate. I am pretty stubborn when it comes to getting to the truth of things.

Likes/Hobbies:

I love to play video games to pass time and maybe escape my thoughts for a while.

Whenever I feel a little lonely (since I spend most of my days alone), I love to sing songs while playing the guitar.

When inspiration strikes, I draw or paint from that inspiration, or write a poetry about it.

Art galleries.

I am a huge fan of watching horror films/series and scientific documentaries, especially ones that cover the environment or the outer space.

Lately, I've been sleeping a lot. Like, after waking up in the morning, the first thing I do is go back to sleep lol.

I love to watch the clouds in the day and stars (and the moon, if visible) in the night. Gets me lost in my thoughts or in awe. Nature-watching/viewing, in general, is one of my most favorite things to do no matter the weather.

My prominent love languages are quality time and acts of service.

Dislikes

I'm not a fan of loud people. Although they are okay, I'd rather be in solitude or with someone who isn't loud.

I also really dislike gossip and other nonsensical exchange (shallow conversations)

Tomatoes.

Invasion of personal space.

I really hate it when people lie in my face when I could clearly tell they're lying like it's my sixth sense.

Lastly, people who cannot stand up for themselves and always rely on others. I find them rather pitiful and burdensome.

I hope it isn't too long. Congratulations again on reaching 400 followers <3 I hope you gain more from here <3

Thank you!

⊱ ━━━━ Matchup! Genshin Impact ━━━━ ⊰

You're matched up with...

Tighnari!

Nature watching tho... I could not think of a better time to spend with each other than that

Like you'll be sitting on a grassy hill, watching the flowers swaying in the wind, birds chirping and hopping together, all while Tighnari does some research. Once in a while he'll come over to you and join you.

Tighnari also isn't fond of loud noises, so you both definitely know when to coordinate if you ever want to get away from the busy city and relax somewhere more peaceful

He can very much take care of himself, so you won't have to worry about that. On the other hand, he likes taking care of you and making sure you're taking care of yourself. Otherwise, he's happy to accommodate for any of your concerns whether is making sure you're healthy or simply giving you company.

Both of you enjoy your silent times together where you'll be in the same room, but doing your own things.

⊱ ━━━━━━━━ ⊰

Rhen’s 400 Follower Event: This event is now closed!

[greeksorceress]

Omg I love your Outsiders headcanons! I looked in the tags and I would love for you to tell us more! (if you want to no pressure whatsoever!)

omg hello! thank you so so so much, honey! 💕 this made me smile so much! I wasn't expecting anyone to be interested in my headcanons! I am so happy you liked them! and yes of course, I will share more with you right in this moment <3

I don't know if you had any of the boys in mind or if you just wanted more general headcanons so I will add a few more about all of them!

Darry

He loves coffee, a lot. He also enjoys tea, specially if it's black tea, but coffee is his favorite drink to go. He loves black coffee too, mostly because he prefers bitter tastes to sweet ones, but will pretty much drink anything that is made of coffee. Except most of the Starbucks drinks that Soda enjoys, which are "pure sugar and no coffee" in Darry's words.

He loves Star Wars. His most precious possession is an Obi-Wan Kenobi figure his dad gifted him for his 11th birthday. He still keeps it in a safe place. He has seen every new generation Star Wars movie in theaters right in the night of the premier. He takes Ponyboy with him and they spend their way back home discussing everything about it.

Has a tattoo on his ribcage. It might look like a series of random numbers because there is no separation amongst all the digits, but they're actually the birthdates of all the Curtis family members.

Two-Bit

Has gone to various open mic nights to listen to new future comedians and tends to drag Johnny and Ponyboy with him. The rest of the boys are always supporting him and encouraging him to participate. He hasn't tried yet but he knows he will one day.

Gets very excited when a new animation movie premiers. He loves watching documentaries about the animation's making off and pays a lot of attention to the details. One of his favorite animated movies so far has been Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

He has the ability to fall asleep anywhere and once he fell asleep in a Target. Darry and Sodapop spent two hours looking for him and almost had a heart attack.

Steve

Uses Twitch a lot. He usually watches other people stream but sometimes, when he's in the mood, he streams his own content. At first, the only views he received came from Soda, Dally and Pony but with time he got a few nice hundreds following him.

He has almost all the types of driving licenses that exist. He can even drive a bus if he wants. He dreams with learning how to fly a plane one day.

Has many tattoos and one of them matches with Soda. It's a Stick-and-Poke tattoo and they got it secretly when they were fifteen. The work wasn't very good and it looks half-chipped, but Steve always looks at the little Cadillac line art on his hip and smiles.

Sodapop

Can dance, like, really dance. He's not very into the whole disco and party scene but he used to watch movies and imitate the dances at home. He was so good and liked it so much that his parent had to sign him up for some urban dance lessons. He used to want to be just like the Step Up characters (and he still wants to, but is too embarrassed to admit it.)

Has a playlist for everything. Driving? He has one. Jogging? He has one. Sleeping? He has one. Cooking? He has one. Showering? He has six. Sneaking inside the school at night with Steve and Dally to cover all the corridors with toilet paper? Well...

Thought that Santa Claus was real for the longest time ever. When he learned about the truth, he made it his personal mission to protect Pony's childhood and give him the chance to believe in Santa for longer, going as far as pretending to be Santa Claus in more than one phone call (Pony never had the heart to tell him that he found out about Santa even before Sodapop did).

Dally

Is terrible with presents. He never knows what to give the other person and gets frustrated too easily while shopping, so he always ends up asking for the Amazon wishlist and buying something random from there.

He tries his best, though, and has many ways of showing how much he cares without actually saying that. For example, whenever someone is sad or upset, he always sends them a little "u good?" and various memes. Sometimes, when he's specially worried about Johnny and his home situation, he calls him and stays on the phone until he makes sure Johnny is safe and sleeping peacefully.

He's an iPhone guy and an Apple lover. He hates himself for this, but he cannot help himself. He doesn't have a good relationship with his parents and they don't care much about what he does, so he loves getting the latest Apple products and charging the costs to his father's credit card.

Johnny

Loves vintage clothes a lot! Half of his wardrobe are pieces he has found in vintage stores that he tends to visit with Dally or Pony.

Another part of his wardrobe consists of clothing articles that the rest of the boys have given to him. He's everyone's favorite and the ultimate little brother of the group, so the rest of the boys always tend to give him clothes that they used to wear when they were smaller, just like real brothers would do. They know Johnny loves the sentiment behind this and it's one of the ways they can show him how important he is. Johnny takes care of every single thing they give him.

He loves photography. He saved up money for a long time and managed to get himself a Canon EOS 400D and takes it everywhere. He loves taking picture of the nature and making portraits of people. The boys are his favorite subject, and even though Pony (and occasionally Two-Bit) is the most willing and participative model, nobody can actually tell him no when he asks to take pictures of them. The group chat picture they have been using for years was one of the first pictures Johnny took of them.

Ponyboy

Write essays for fun and loves participating in writing contests. He has won a few of them and some of his poems and writings have been published in various webpages or amateur literature magazines. No matter how small they are, he always dedicates his works to the boys.

Knows about Soda and Steve's matching tattoos and wants to get one with Johnny too. He's a bit scared of needles, but gets very excited about the idea and spends hours trying to design the perfect tattoo for them.

Soda likes teasing him and calling him e-boy because of the way he dresses, and Pony is not actually mad at the idea. He loves wearing bucket hats and black cargo pants and chains. He's crazy about sneakers and shoes too, from Converse to Nike Air Force 1 to Vans, but his favorite pair of shoes are some black Dr. Martens that he found in a thrift store once with Johnny.

So, here it is! I hope you like these too! <3 I have even more but I didn't want to make it too long or too boring! adsgsdkd I'm always here to talk about headcanons and if you have any in particular that you want to ask about, shoot it! Also, I'm all ears if you want to share yours with me!

Thank you so much for your lovely ask <3333

[impishtubist]

Hi, I could also use a distraction right about now. I'm very very lonely. It feels like all my friends are in romantic partnerships and I had to move back in with family cause I can't afford a place by myself. So I'm living again in my childhood hometown, with all the terrible memories, and no company. Please tell me adulting gets easier, or how to make friends, or some good fics to read or shows to watch to help keep me busy.

Oh, Anon. My heart goes out to you. I could have written this ask 10 years ago. I had to move back in with family at that time in my childhood hometown, which I hated and which had terrible memories associated with it. It was awful. I absolutely know this pain.

I believe it does get easier. I truly believe that. It took years, but it did get easier. For me, it got to the point that I was applying to jobs all over the country, and I finally found one out west that would take me. I packed up what I owned in my car and drove 1000 miles west to a place where I knew no one and nothing. It was terrifying, and also the best thing I've ever done for myself. If a chance like that comes along for you, a life-altering chance, I suggest you take it! I have never regretted taking a huge chance like that. I think I would have only regretted NOT taking the chance, and staying still.

That being said, it's SO HARD to make friends as an adult. I feel you. Every time I move somewhere new, it's Meetup.com that I use to make new friends. I also use Tumblr and Twitter a lot! (And LiveJournal and Fanfiction.net and Dreamwidth.org) A lot of my life-long friends are ones I met in fandom spaces online who eventually became IRL friends. Pre-pandemic, my job was one that sent me traveling all over the country, so I met up with a lot of fandom friends that way. I highly recommend it, if you ever have that chance! 

As far as distractions go, I’m happy to provide! I have over 3000 bookmarks on AO3, so that’s a good place to start. Right now, my current distractions are A League Of Their Own on Amazon Prime and The Sandman on Netflix. So good, so queer! Good Omens is of course one of my favorite books and series, so I recommend that as well. MASH, of course (that’s on Hulu). Doctor Who and Torchwood, too, wherever they live now! I am enjoying all the free history documentaries I can find on YouTube! And of course my favorite YouTube channel is Ask A Mortician. Highly recommend.  

Also, do not beat yourself up about moving in with family and not making friends right now. We are still in a pandemic! It’s okay to lie low and not socialize. It’s okay to have to live with family - it fucking SUCKS to be a single person in the US right now. It’s much more expensive than being with a spouse. I hate it. We are living in unprecedented times. Be kind to yourself. Do what you have to do to survive.

[kcrabb88]

Queer Movies/Books/TV Shows for Pride Month!

Happy Pride everyone!! For your viewing/reading pleasure I have made a (non-exhaustive) list of queer media that I have enjoyed! 

Movies/Documentaries

Pride (2014): An old tried and true favorite, which meets at the intersection of queer and workers’ rights. A group of queer activists support the 1985 miners’ strike in Wales (complete with a sing-through of Bread and Roses + Power in a Union)

Portrait of a Lady on Fire: On an isolated island in Brittany at the end of the eighteenth century, a female painter is obliged to paint a wedding portrait of a young woman (or, two young lesbians fall in love by the sea, and you cry)

God’s Own Country: Young farmer Johnny Saxby numbs his daily frustrations with binge drinking and casual sex, until the arrival of a Romanian migrant worker for lambing season ignites an intense relationship that sets Johnny on a new path (Seriously this movie is GREAT and doesn’t get enough love, watch it! It’s rough but ends happily)

The Half of It:  When smart but cash-strapped teen Ellie Chu agrees to write a love letter for a jock, she doesn't expect to become his friend - or fall for his crush (as in she falls for his crush who is another girl. This movie was so good, and really friendship focused!) 

Saving Face:  A Chinese-American lesbian and her traditionalist mother are reluctant to go public with secret loves that clash against cultural expectations (this is an oldie and a goodie, with a happy ending!)

Moonlight:  A young African-American man grapples with his identity and sexuality while experiencing the everyday struggles of childhood, adolescence, and burgeoning adulthood (featuring gay men of color!)

Carol:  An aspiring photographer develops an intimate relationship with an older woman in 1950s New York (everyone’s seen this I think, but I couldn’t not have it here)

Milk: The story of Harvey Milk and his struggles as an American gay activist who fought for gay rights and became California's first openly gay elected official (the speech at the end of this made me cry. Warning, of course, for death, if you don’t know about Harvey Milk)

Pride (Hulu Documentary):  A six-part documentary series chronicling the fight for LGBTQ civil rights in America (they go by decade from the 50s-2000s, and there is a lot of great trans inclusion in this)

Paris is Burning (Documentary): A 1990s documentary about the African American and Latinx ballroom scene. Available on Youtube!

A New York Christmas Wedding:  As her Christmas Eve wedding draws near, Jennifer is visited by an angel and shown what could have been if she hadn't denied her true feelings for her childhood best friend (this movie is SO CUTE. It’s really only nominally a Christmas movie and easily watched anytime. Features an interracial sapphic couple!) 

TV Shows 

Love, Victor: Victor is a new student at Creekwood High School on his own journey of self-discovery, facing challenges at home, adjusting to a new city, and struggling with his sexual orientation (this is a spin-off of Love, Simon, and it’s very sweet and well done! Featuring a young gay man of color)

Sex Education:  A teenage boy with a sex therapist mother teams up with a high school classmate to set up an underground sex therapy clinic at school (this has multiple queer characters, including a featured young Black gay man and also in season 2 there is a side ace character!) 

Black Sails: I mean, do I even need to put a summary here? If you follow me you know that Black Sails is full of queer pirates, just queers everywhere.

Gentleman Jack:  A dramatization of the life of LGBTQ+ trailblazer, voracious learner and cryptic diarist Anne Lister, who returns to Halifax, West Yorkshire in 1832, determined to transform the fate of her faded ancestral home Shibden Hall (Period drama lesbians!!! A title sequence  that will make you gay just by watching!) 

Tales of the City (2019):  A middle-aged Mary Ann returns to San Francisco and reunites with the eccentric friends she left behind. "Tales of the City" focuses primarily on the people who live in a boardinghouse turned apartment complex owned by Anna Madrigal at 28 Barbary Lane, all of whom quickly become part of what Maupin coined a "logical family". It's no longer a secret that Mrs. Madrigal is transgender. Instead, she is haunted by something from her past that has long been too painful to share (this is based on a book series and it’s got lots of great inter-generational queer relationships!) 

The Haunting of Bly Manor:  After an au pair’s tragic death, Henry hires a young American nanny to care for his orphaned niece and nephew who reside at Bly Manor with the chef Owen, groundskeeper Jamie and housekeeper, Mrs. Grose (sweet, tender, wonderful lesbians. A bittersweet ending but this show is so so wonderful)

Sense8: A group of people around the world are suddenly linked mentally, and must find a way to survive being hunted by those who see them as a threat to the world's order (queers just EVERYWHERE in this show, of all kinds)

Books

Loveless by Alice Oseman:  Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush – but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day. This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn’t limited to romance (don’t be turned off by this title, it’s tongue-in-cheek. This is a book about an aroace college girl discovering herself and centers the importance and power of platonic relationships! I have it on my TBR and have heard great things)

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters: Reese almost had it all: a loving relationship with Amy, an apartment in New York City, a job she didn't hate. She had scraped together what previous generations of trans women could only dream of: a life of mundane, bourgeois comforts. The only thing missing was a child. But then her girlfriend, Amy, detransitioned and became Ames, and everything fell apart. Now Reese is caught in a self-destructive pattern: avoiding her loneliness by sleeping with married men.Ames isn't happy either. He thought detransitioning to live as a man would make life easier, but that decision cost him his relationship with Reese—and losing her meant losing his only family. Even though their romance is over, he longs to find a way back to her. When Ames's boss and lover, Katrina, reveals that she's pregnant with his baby—and that she's not sure whether she wants to keep it—Ames wonders if this is the chance he's been waiting for. Could the three of them form some kind of unconventional family—and raise the baby together?This provocative debut is about what happens at the emotional, messy, vulnerable corners of womanhood that platitudes and good intentions can't reach. Torrey Peters brilliantly and fearlessly navigates the most dangerous taboos around gender, sex, and relationships, gifting us a thrillingly original, witty, and deeply moving novel (again, don’t be thrown off by the title, it too, is tongue-in-cheek. This book was GREAT, and written by a trans women with a queer-and especially trans--audience in mind)

A Tip for the Hangman by Allison Epstein: A gay Christopher Marlowe, at Cambridge and trying to become England’s best new playwright, finds himself wrapped up in royal espionage schemes while also falling in love (this book is by a Twitter friend of mine, and it is a wonderful historical thriller with a gay man at the center).

Creatures of Will and Temper by Molly Tanzer: a very very queer remix of The Picture of Dorian Gray (which was already quite queer), featuring amazing female characters, a gay Basil, and a much happier ending than the original. 

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: The gay prince of England and the bisexual, biracial first son of the president fall in love (think an AU of 2016 where a woman becomes president). Featuring a fantastic discovery of bisexuality, ruminations on grief, and just a truly astonishing book. One of my favorites!

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston:  For cynical twenty-three-year-old August, moving to New York City is supposed to prove her right: that things like magic and cinematic love stories don’t exist, and the only smart way to go through life is alone. She can’t imagine how waiting tables at a 24-hour pancake diner and moving in with too many weird roommates could possibly change that. And there’s certainly no chance of her subway commute being anything more than a daily trudge through boredom and electrical failures. But then, there’s this gorgeous girl on the train (This is Casey McQuiston’s brand new novel featuring time-travel, queer women, and I absolutely cannot WAIT to read it)

The Heiress by Molly Greely: Set in the Pride and Prejudice universe, this takes on Anne de Bourg (Lady Catherine’s daughter), and makes her queer! 

Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters:  Nan King, an oyster girl, is captivated by the music hall phenomenon Kitty Butler, a male impersonator extraordinaire treading the boards in Canterbury. Through a friend at the box office, Nan manages to visit all her shows and finally meet her heroine. Soon after, she becomes Kitty's dresser and the two head for the bright lights of Leicester Square where they begin a glittering career as music-hall stars in an all-singing and dancing double act. At the same time, behind closed doors, they admit their attraction to each other and their affair begins (Sarah Waters is the queen of historical lesbians. All of her books are good, and they’re all gay! The Paying Guests is another great one)

(On a side note re: queer books, there are MANY, these are just ones I’ve read more recently. Also there are a lot of indie/self-published writers doing great work writing queer books, so definitely support your local indie authors!)