#I am so gonna be called homophobic by my players for what happened to him

[venisonhare]

MAJOR COS SPOILERS: for my players at least for the ones on tumblr, I have faith you wont look at this one. Just this once I beg and trust

For some context, because I and all of my players are queer/trans I made this friendly for an all lgbt group, including switching some things around for them to have more fun in barovia. I also switched who tatyana was in love with bc I feel like the main cos story has been heard and known for eons and as a dm, I wanted to have fun with a story I played through and was already well versed in. Strahd is still the main antagonist since without a soul, all he has left are fleeing memories and the obsessive thought of who his lover once was. He cannot let things go and will 100% make it everyone else's problem

-strahd: "I am the ancient I am the land" that sounds nb as fuck to me. Strahd, till an absolute sleezy bastard goes by any pronouns and if not made obvious by who he keeps around for company, also a bisexual king. After taking the vampyr deal, he is unable to love fully, however, so he does view all his spouses/loved ones like treasured objects. Even though his consorts are treasured to him, his obsession with finding tatyana is stronger.

-rahadin: I feel like he's on the aro/ace spectrum because of how he views romance. It's not that he can't date but because of his absolute loyalty boner for strahd, there is no need or interest for anyone else. Also bros like an amoeba so he's perfectly fine if that's how things are. After the fall of the dusk elf kingdom, he accidentally proposes to strahd by kneeling down, offering him the crown of the king so strahd thinks they're married.

-Tatyana: Demigirl in the sense that she's a woman sure but like she's also her own individual person outside of the social standard. If she was called by any other pronouns she wouldn't mind

-ludmilla: she's demiromantic and understands that what she has with strahd can never be romantic. She's platonically involved with rhadin as they're the oldest members of castle ravenloft and is married to anastrasya.

-anastrasya: married Ludmilla before being with strahd for the immortality perks so she could be with her wife. Will only date non-men and supposed being situationally involved with strahd wasn't so bad since he's an entity, not a man.

-volenta: she and strahd are together out of entertainment and I feel like she will romantically involve herself with anyone regardless of gender as long as they can be chaotic with her.

-Escher: god I love barovias favorite twink so much. Married to strahd and is trying to court ludmilla. She finds him endearing and wishes to reciprocate but as the newest vampire, she wants to wait until he gets a hold of things. Was also with doru and ismark for a short time before being turned

-Ismark: was in a relationship with escher before he was turned. During the insurrection at castle ravenloft, the title of "lesser" was given to him in my game because he was the only person to come back from castle ravenloft unharmed/alive. During that incident, escher was severely injured so ismark made a deal with strahd to turn him/keep him as a consort. He now owes strahd a favor for keeping his lover alive and hasn't seen escher since. He has no clue if strahd held his end of the deal or not and drinks himself out of his lesser title and the uncertain end of his lover. Escher unaware of the deal refuses to visit ismark for his own safety

-ireena: demiromantic (aro/ace spec) I swear she's literally a ragdoll in the campaign I need my players to get her out of there. Engaged to victor, stalked by izek and strahd, will be almost sacrificed by the abbot when my players get to krezk. She literally wants nothing else but someone shes interested in for once and 10 seconds to be left tf alone.

-doru: was romantically involved with escher before the death march incident. Was turned into nothing but a mere spawn by strahd but father donovich managed to collect him and well the whole basement situation happened. My players managed to free him and now he's safe traveling with arrigal

-arrigal: 0 gender 0 labels. He's literally living his best life free from care of anything "trivial" like a label on who or what he is. Working for strahd, he drops hints about wanting arrigal to serve him as a consort but that would take his ability to leave the mist. Valuing his freedom above all else, arrigal pretends to not notice and this will become a subplot issue for my players later on.

-Victor: gay man. Turned stella wachter into a cat girl because he tried to turn her into "something he would like" without specifying anything and the tome tried to be funny. Literally in forced engagement limbo to women which he has 0 interest in

-abbot: the champion of lethander needs no gender. He may not be all there mentally, but I gave him the ability to transform a physical being into something that matches their soul. Free sex change by the abbot /hj

In honor of pride month I want to hear about how queer you made Barovia please and thank you.

For my game:

Strahd is a bisexual king right out of the book, which is awesome.

Rahadin is asexual, but not in like, an ace kind of way. Like in a single-celled organism kind of way.

Ireena is aroace! A decision partly inspired by a certain pool of water (iykyk), and also because she’s a little bit my self-insert. A PC hit on her in like session four and was immediately told, “Do not ever speak to me that way again.” She’s iconic and I adore her.

IZMARK. IZ. GAY. And madly in love with the druid. Unfortunately Izmark does not know he is gay. He believes it is very normal to lovingly stare into your homie's eyes and look down at his lips and imagine what it would be like to kiss him. And it is very normal to comment on how attractive your homie is, cause that's just what bros do.

Vollenta is a beautiful lesbian who refuses to let the fact that she is married to Strahd change the fact that she is a lesbian and nobody will tell her or her pile of bodies otherwise.

Ludmilla is on the ace spectrum. I mean, come on. She's with the guy for power and grant money. She says she loves him, and they're definitely intimate, but she's the kind of girly to take notes before during and after, you know?

Escher. What even needs to be said about Escher. He's Ravenloft's resident twink and proud of it. He's a little lonely and can't stop thinking about the boy he was in love with when he was young, who is now old and grizzled from age, while Escher himself remains the same age he was when he betrayed his lover and chose Strahd instead, but like... he's also pretty and immortal, so who cares?

(Escher Bonus Content: Two moms! They loved him very much and were upsettingly supportive of his decision to become Strahd's newest consort)

Anastrasya: idk she's dead pre-campaign in mine so if you came here looking for commentary on her you will not get it.

Ezmerelda is a trans lesbian! She's gorgeous and I adore her. She's just so confident that she can kill Strahd on her own and I think she's right for that. I knew I wanted her to be a love interest for one of my PCs, and it just so happens that the player in question has a type.

Danika is also bi, and she's very happily married to her wonderful little husband. This hasn't come up in the campaign at all it's just something I know to be true in my heart.

The Abbot: Gender! Fluid! Call them whatever you want. He/him when you want to play on ideas of masculinity in religious circles, they/them when you want to make them seem undefinable, she/her when you want your PCs to reflect on how much mom trauma they all have :)

Sergei is straight but that man loves the queer community so much and he deserves an honorable mention.

Arrigal is gay and very pissed that the party keeps knocking on his wagon door at 3am. His ex-husband/current boyfriend has been coerced into co-parenting a child with the cleric.

There's definitely others but these are my versions of the little guys. I am so interested to hear other people's takes on them.

[sunshine-embry]

A Silly Little BMC Au :D

I got lazy and didn't do any art but I'm too excited to post this.

So it's called opposite au, and I'm gonna yap about my idea a lot so press read more if you wanna be flash banged by text :)

.・゜-: ✧☾　☽✧ :-゜・.Characters.・゜-: ✧☾　☽✧ :-゜・.

Jeremy: He is now a popular punk kid. Still friends with Michael, but hates Rich and Jake - he actually bullies them - and still has a crush on Christine. Instead of his parents divorcing, his mom died. Personality wise, he's now super super mean and that's important.

Michael: BIG EMO. Still friends with Jeremy, but is now player 2 iykwim. I have nothing else to say about him :/ Also has homophobic parents while he's gay idk :/

Christine: Anti-social math nerd. Very shy, yet somehow very popular. She doesn't actually like Jeremy all that much, mainly because he bullies Rich and Jake. Also hates Michael, but that isn't plot relevant. Also very minimalist.

Rich: Nicest kid in school. Can you see the plot so far? Anyway, just overall very very nice. That's his entire personality. Also imagine his entire closet being those types of shirts that say "in my mind I am holding a frog' and things like that.

Jake: Stereotypical anti-social nerd. That's basically it. Also his entire closet is just sweater vests . Also also still best friends with Rich.

Chloe: Second smartest girl in school. Basically hella cutecore. I don't have many ideas for the girls :/

Brooke: Smartest girl in school. Also tomboy

Jenna: Prettiest and most popular girl in school. Girly-girl

.・゜-: ✧☾　☽✧ :-゜・.Plot.・゜-: ✧☾　☽✧ :-゜・.

Act 1

Jeremy likes Christine who in the mathletes. Michael manages to convince Jeremy to join the mathletes, in which Jeremy asks Christine out. Christine obviously says no because Jeremy is a bully ect ect.

So Jeremy goes to the bathroom to take a break from the nonsense math where he sees Rich washing his hands. Rich introduces Jeremy to a SQUIP to make Jeremy more nice.

So Jeremy and Michael go to the mall and buy a SQUIP for Jeremy, which need to be taken with lemon & lime Sprite. So he takes that and goes to the mall store(?) and sees Brooke and Chloe.

Since they never really talked before, and since Brooke's impressed by how nice Jeremy is, she asks to take to him on a date to Denny's (I REFUSE TO CHANGE HER TAKING HIM TO DENNY'S)

Jeremy politely accepts, even though the SQUIP tells him not to, but then ghosts Brooke.

So the next day, Jeremy goes to the mathletes meeting again and Christine tells Jeremy that she has a crush on Jake who's also there because he's a nerd.

Christine and Jake start to date, making Jeremy big sad, so he dates Brooke to get back at Christine.

Act 2

Jake throws a Halloween party at his house because he's trying to become popular. Basically everything is the same until Rich sets a fire.

Rich goes around not so politely asking if anybody has any cherry Sprite.

Of course, nobody does, so he sets Jake's house on fire. It makes sense. So the rumors go spiral like usual, blah, blah, blah.

So Rich - after he leaves the hospital - holds a sleepover at his house, inviting Jake, Jeremy, Brooke, Chloe and Jenna

So the Squip starts being not so nice to Jeremy and tries to force him to Squip his friends, in which he does.

The Play happens but it's in a sleepover scenario, Michael breaks in through the open window once Jeremy calls him, the whole thing (I kinda wrote myself into a corner by making Christine in the mathletes instead of the play so just work with me)

And yeah. I kinda didn't know what to do with the second half. that's it :/ Might write a fic about this.

[nerdyvocals]

Final round of episode quotes as @look-at-those-niceass-rocks and I finished our final watch party. Once again, the cast and crew are in the house, so @saveourpinks, please enjoy. (You can find previous posts with more unhinged quotes here and here)

Honorable mention from before we actually started, them waking their husband up with: wake up, it's time for me to see gay shit

Second honorable mention, a conversation had while I struggled with my audio: Them: I tried to show [Husband] Merely Players last night but he was too tired Me: I can't believe your husband is homophobic Them: I AGREE Husband, distantly: I don't deserve this!

(about Buddy) God his shoulders, he's built like a Dorito

(this is specifically in reference to episode 8 but honestly, this was said multiple times throughout our watching) Me: WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH COMMUNISM??? Them: It's the 50s! If it ain't American, it's communist!

Me: I love that Buddy's dad's name is Dick Them: It was a choice

(In reference to Blandiels) He makes me SO uncomfortable. Like I know that that's the point but he's so slimy-NO NO STOP, STOP KISSING HER, FUCK-!

(roughly three minutes of us screaming over Lydia's Woman Scorned (tm) dress, followed by another three minutes of us laughing at the faces everyone was making when I pause the video)

(about Susan's mom) Me: Heinous fucking bitch Them: What. A raging. CUNT.

(after we both spent a Hot Minute thirsting over Cynthia dancing on the car) Them: I talk a big game but if I was within five feet of this person, I would be just staring and stammering Husband, distantly: We know honey Them: SHUT UP

(both of us wheezing over CGI!Richie)

Cops: *show up* Us: *John Mulaney voice* SCATTER

Them: NOT THE LINE I'VE LOST THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST AS SHE PICKS UP OLIVIA'S JACKET Me: They are simply In Love

Them: He's gonna do something stupid, I can feel it. Me: You don't know the half of it! Them: He's gonna propose to a teenager! (okay maybe they do know the half of it, fuckin' prophet)

Me: *reading off episode titles as it starts storming where I am* And this one is called You're Dropping Out of Rydell- thank you dramatic thunder???

(honorable mention, me being unable to tell what was real thunder and what was from the episode)

Them: I'm not emotionally ready for this Me: Me neither and I've seen it like eight times already

Nancy: *dramatic exit* Them: She's so dramatic and I respect her and only her

Me: I love you singing along to a theme song with no lyrics Them: Sometimes I just gotta make funky little noises!

(About Nicholson) I am going to break that man's ball sack with a driver.

Them: It's giving pouty little bitch Me: Which one? (referring to Buddy and his dad) Them: Yes

Cynthia: *walks in in Richie's Jacket* Me: Hello my name is Single and Gay Them: I am not single but I am gay and I think... I don't think, I have no thoughts, head empty

(About McGee, then the scene transitions to Daniels) Them: The only adult in this school I respect- I AM GOING TO KILL HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS! Me, wheezing: What about your human hands? Them: THOSE TOO

(said in the most disgusted voice I've ever heard) Of course he likes Walt Whitman

Them: [Husband], I'm killing the pedophile, wanna help? Husband: Let's be honest, do you really need my help? Them: Someone's gotta drive the car.

Them: "Feelings central?" I bet you were feeling sensual when you were making out with Olivia-LYDIA on your couch earlier Me: ...You good there? Them: The names are too close

(Face to Face begins) Ah, dramatic acapella is my gender

Me: Once again, love how much you hate Buddy Them: He's had so many chances to earn my respect and he has done nothing!

Guardian Demon: *appears* Them: What. The fuck. Is happening? Me: BEAUTY SCHOOL DROPOUT BABEY

(@ Buddy) Them: He's not a total ding-dong. Just like 80% Me: He did just thank her (Susan) for having sex with him Them: ...85%

(About the Red Sox analogy) Cynthia giving me Gender Euphoria with one sentence

Nancy: *talking about love stories, mentions Shy Guy* Both of us: *Cackling at the full-body never mind Cynthia does*

Nancy: Tell anyone of my vulnerable nature and I will deny it until the day I die! Them: FUCKING MOOD like I know I was literally also just crying but we're gonna move past that, I'm a bad bitch again

Me: Finale time! Any thought or predictions before we get started? Them: Leonard gets arrested and as he's being taken away, he gets hit by a semi truck- Me: What is this, Mean Girls??? Them: Yes! McGee punches the principal in the face and defeats him in blood combat and cements her place as principal- Me: *slowly dissolving into horrified laughter* Them: Cynthia gets to kiss Lydia again, which is all I really need to be happy, and terrifying CGI Richie comes back and does the Macarena! Me: *can't start the episode for five minutes because I'm laughing too hard*

(Ten seconds in) PAUSE THIS I HAVE BEEF THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY OF GETTING MARRIED THAT QUICKLY IN A CATHOLIC CHURCH

(after rant) Me: Yeah but the tensions wouldn't be as high if they had six months to stop the wedding! Them: ...there are two wolves inside of me, one says valid, and one is formerly Catholic and Upsetti

Me: I want a shirt that says "I have two wolves inside of me, one of them is Catholic" and nothing else Them: *WHEEZE*

Cynthia: He's just. Some guy. Both of us, in sync: HIT HIM WITH YOUR CAR

"Old Soul" is groomer for "Fuckable"

(@ Gil climbing in through the window) Me: On the one hand, I'd fold, on the other? Terrifying! Them: YES! Me: Although I guess if I had the rapport with someone that they have?? Maybe?? Like good in media, bad in real life. Them: Gil? Yes, absolutely. Edward Cullen? Fuck no! The two genres of climbing through my window

(after the drag race) YET ANOTHER THING BUDDY DID NOT EARN

Me: Hey, do you have tissues? Them (afraid): ...should I get some??? Me: Maybe Them: I don't think I have any in the house??? Me: Ah! You're fucked!

*ten minute interlude of us crying over the Coming Out Scene, discussing what it means to both of us, and how furious we are of future generations not getting to see the best queer rep of our lifetimes if this show doesn't get saved. On that note, sign the petition if you haven't already.*

THEY STARTED BY STEALING A CAR THEY WILL SAVE THE FRIENDSHIP BY STEALING A CAR

Oh someone please hit hi- YESSSSS!!!

(at the start of All In) Me: She (Cynthia) is going to cry Them: I'm going to cry Me: I'm already crying

Me: Lydia is stronger than I am I would already be on my knees. (note I use a cane and sometimes a wheelchair, if I am on my knees I Will Not be Getting Up)

Me: Hopelessly Devoted walked so this song could fucking run Them: I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THE SAME THING

Pink Ladies: *Offer Hazel a jacket* Them: *aggressively close to the mic* That sounds very gay I'm in

Them: I cannot take my eyes off Jane. Like they are all very beautiful right now but there's something about her- Me: It's the bisexual energy Them: ...Dammit, you're right

Rizzo: We'll start our own gang! Them: With blackjack and hookers!

(Introduction of Frankie Zuko) Them: I'm sorry, HUH???

(As credits roll) Me: So, how we feelin'? Them: Normal, I am so normal, I am feeling so fucking normal about this. Me: Thoughts? Them: *incoherent screaming*

We had some much fun doing these, we decided to keep a quotes list for more movie nights. Next up, Julie and the Phantoms!

[dubersbutt]

Take a Bow (4) - Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,

Warnings: Babies, anxiety/feelings of heightened anxiety, smut

It’s not that Connor hates kids. They just make him uncomfortable.

Like when his aunt had a baby when he was 13 his mom asked if Connor wanted to hold him. Connor was fine when his mom gently placed the baby in his arms. Up until his mom told her to be super careful with his head or else he could snap his neck and kill him. Or if Connor accidently pressed his soft spot it could severely detriment his brain development. It was too much responsibility.

At least that’s what he used to think.

He fell in love with Emilia the minute you walked through the front door with her in the baby carrier. The dogs were excited by the tiny squirming arms inside the carrier, he had to hold Lenny back so he didn’t crush her.

“This is going to sound super cliche,” Connor says as he coos into the carrier where Emilia is trying to open her tiny eyes, “but she is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“She’s a lot cuter now that her head is a normal shape,” you joke, munching on a cookie Connor had set out for you.

“Can you stop making fun of our daughter’s cone head?” Leon rolls his eyes.

“You didn’t see it, it was terrifying.”

(Connor googles a picture of it later. Babies are fucking weird.)

He helps you up the stairs to the waiting cup of tea on the mug warmer in your bedroom. He lets you get settled, handing you the TV remote and giving you a kiss on the forehead before going back downstairs to meet his daughter (step-daughter? Connor didn’t really know).

“Can I hold her?” Connor asks when he finds Leon and Emilia in the living room.

“What happened to the three month rule?” He raises an amused eyebrow.

Connor had created it after the incident. He didn’t hold a baby that was younger than 3 months.

“I’m feeling brave.”

Leon scooches over so Connor has room to sit comfortably. Leon gently places Emilia in his arms, and gives Connor a pillow to prop his arm on. Emilia’s blinks at him before squirming and stretching her little arms over her head. Connor feels all warm and fuzzy in his chest.

“Hello, Emilia,” he says, with a smile on his face, “I’m your other dad.”

~~~

Connor’s not inherently a jealous person.

Or at least he thought he was. But ever since Emilia came home he’s been feeling it. He loves Emilia, don’t get him wrong. Well, actually, he should backpedal for a second.

Connor is still annoyed at Leon.

He knows he should probably bring this up (because look what happened last time) but he hasn’t because Leon was trying to make things right with you. He obviously was trying with Connor as well, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was an afterthought. Some days were better than others, but everytime Connor thought about how he woke up and couldn’t find Leon in the penthouse he felt like puking.

Emilia eases the pain. He truly does love her like his own. The only time he uses the “she’s your kid” card is when it's 2 am and he’s too tired to get up. But he rarely even does that because Connor’s always been the heaviest sleeper out of the three of you. But other than that, he volunteers for bathtime, plays with her while you’re in the shower, he doesn’t even hate changing diapers that much.The puppies love her too, they’ve transitioned from napping on the dog beds in the living room to the spot on the couch closest to the bassinet to keep an eye on them. He regularly has to stop Lenny from trying to jump in and crush Emilia.

Back to Leon (Connor tends to get side tracked when talking about Emilia). Connor’s still annoyed and he’s been working up to talking about it. But it never seems like a good time. First you were pregnant, and Connor didn’t want to upset either of you. Then it was playoffs and Connor didn’t have any time to think about anything else. Then they got swept and Connor did nothing but eat ice cream for a week like he just had his first heartbreak. And after that…well, he just hates confrontation.

He keeps telling himself that he’ll get around to it, that he just wants to gather his thoughts but he knows he’s stalling at this point. Mostly because -

“So did you do what we talked about last session?” Sophie, his therapist, asks him at the beginning of his appointment.

-his therapist calls him on his bulshit. And he realizes that’s the whole reason he pays her, but it’s still rude.

“About that…” Connor trails off.

She gives him an amused smile, “Connor, you know I don’t like telling you what to do but I strongly suggest you talk to Leon.”

“Sophie, my girlfriend gave birth, we started playoffs and got swept all in the last two weeks,” he says with an exasperated sigh, “I deserve a little time for myself. Isn’t that what you told me last week?”

“I was getting to that,” she says.

Connor almost didn’t show up to his first session. He spent the whole ride over that he his therapist would be a quiet homophobe and who’d sell his story to the presses and ruin his life.

But then he went in and saw the framed photo of Sophie and her wife and their twins. He let out a sigh of relief and felt more comfortable telling her about his life. She didn’t even really watch hockey and she told him that he thought he was a “good player” for his age. Connor always has to stop himself from laughing whenever she tries to compliment his playing style. She’s adorable.

“And what about  (Y?N)? Have you thought about what you were going to say to her?”

He knows. He just doesn’t know if you’ll want the same thing.

“I have, a little bit.”

“And would you like to share what you’ve been thinking about?”

“I-uh,” he swallows, “I want another baby?”

“Is that a question?”

“I don’t think so.”

Sophie sends him home with the same homework he had last week: try to slowly figure out what he wants to say when he’s eventually ready to have a talk.

When he comes home, Leon’s standing in the kitchen by Emillia’s bottle warmer. He looks stupid hot holding a baby and Connor’s only mildly annotated about it.

“Hey,” he flashes Connor a bright smile when he notices Connor’s presence, “Can you hold her while I make her a bottle?”

“Sure,” He takes Emilia from Leon before sliding the dimmer down on the light switch. Her eyes slowly open in the dim light and her gumless smile warms Connor’s heart.

“Hello sweet girl,” he coos, watching as she somehow wiggles an arm loose from her blanket, “I love you. I hope you had a good morning.”

He doesn’t expect her to answer, obviously, but she does start to open and close her mouth, indicating she's hungry.

“Leo, you’re too slow,” he taunts playfully, watching as Leon carefully measures out the formula, “she’s starving over here.”

“I can only move so fast,” he laughs.

When Leon finally gets Emilia her bottle Connor relaxes into the dining room chair as she eats her lunch.

“How was therapy?”

Connor told you and Leon that he started going when he came home from his session. Connor didn’t divulge everything that happened in his sessions but it felt nice to have someone ask.

“It was good,” he says, leaning over and resting his head on Leon’s shoulder, “I only cried a little this time.”

Leon chuckles, “Does that mean therapy’s working?”

“Probably.”

~~~

Connor can’t help but laugh when he rewatches the interview of Leon talking about Emilia. He manages to somehow be adorable and sarcastic at the same time. You’re settled against his chest with your ipad resting on your lap and he can feel your giggles as Leon gives his short, glib answers to the journalists' annoying questions.

(Congratulations, she’s very cute.

“I know. She is my daughter after all.”

Your girlfriend’s not going to get mad about that comment?

“She’s gonna get mad if you keep asking questions about her newborn.”)

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen this yet,” Connor says as he runs his fingers through your hair.”

“Neither can I,” you giggle as Leon looks into the camera like he’s on the Office.

Leon rolls his eyes as he emerges from the bathroom, now freshly shaven.

“It’s not that funny,” he says.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Leo,” Connor says, gently hooking his fingers in Leon’s chain to pull him down for a kiss, “You’re very funny.”

“Why did you shave?” you say as Leon turns to give you a kiss, “Your beard looked so good.”

“It was also getting super scratchy,” Connor says.

Leon gets under the covers on Connor’s otherside, “Yeah Emilia’s been distracting me from the beard routine.”

You scoff, “the scratch is the best part, Con.”

“Tell that to the scratch marks on my ass,” Connor says without thinking, and then immediately blushes.

You groan, “Don’t talk about anything remotely sexy when my poor vagina is still healing from pushing out a whole watermelon.”

Leon laughs, “Don’t worry, baby, the beard will be back by the time you get your 6 week all clear.”

~~~

(5 weeks later - after your 6 week all appointment)

“Guess what bitches,” you shout as you enter the kitchen, “I can finally have sex again.”

“Mhm,” Leon hums, feigning disinterest, “And what would you like me to do about that?”

“You’re mean and not funny,” you say lightly hip-checking him, “Besides I have two boyfriends for a reason.”

“Yeah about that,” Connor stretches and yawns, “Emilia kept me up last night so I was gonna take a nap.”

You blink, “I will go to Whyte Av and find some rando to screw in a coat closet, don’t fucking test me.”

Leon grabs your hips and pulls you against his body so your back is flush against his chest before walking forward and pressing your hips into the kitchen counter.

“As if I could pass up the opportunity to fuck this sweet little pussy,” he grinds his hips, pushing your hips further into the counter.

“What have you been cleared for?”

“L-light, non-strenous sex.”

Connor laughs, “Boring, but better than nothing.”

“Davo, take her upstairs,” Leon commands so Connor scoops you up and carries you bridal style to the bedroom.

“Wait wait,” you say when they reach the top, “Where’s Emilia.”

“She’s napping in her crib,” Connor says as he drops you onto the bed, “Leo’s gonna check on her before he comes. So you can turn your brain off for a little bit.”

Connor doesn’t wait to hear your answer, just presses his lips to yours. He fels you moan against him. Connor’s hands slide under your shirt, slowly exposing skin. When he gets it over your head he trails his kisses down your body, unhooking your bra as he does. His kisses move in between your breasts to your belly.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs as he kisses your belly button, “you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

He hooks his fingers on your shorts, pulling them down your legs. He settles himself on the bed as he spreads your legs to press kisses to your inner thigh.

“Perfect,” Connor says, lightly nipping at the sensitive skin.

The tiny hitch of your breath causes all of his blood to rush straight to his dick, but he can’t bring himself to care. He takes his time, warming you up with kisses to your inner thighs, gently scraping his teeth against the skin. He kisses your pussy before running his tongue through your folds. His tongue gently caresses your clit with his tongue. Your hand comes down in his hair when he sucks your clit into his mouth. Your hips start to move against his face, grinding down to give yourself more friction.

“So impatient,” he hums, fucking one finger in you.

“It’s been six whole weeks,” you say,  “I haven’t gone six weeks without sex since I was a virgin.”

Connor chuckles, “Easy baby, we’ll get there.”

~~~

Connor can’t help himself when he sees you changing Emilia’s onesie in her nursery. He walks up behind you, wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder.

“Good morning,” he says, planting a kiss on your cheek, “And good morning to the world’s most adorable baby.”

Emilia gurgles but doesn’t retort. Smh, someone needs to teach her how to be humble.

“Morning,” you reply, buttoning up her fresh onesie, “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” he responds with another kiss, “Except when you kicked me in my ribs.”

“I take offense to that,” you raise an eyebrow, “I am an angel in bed. And, yes, pun intended.”

Connor snorts, “We both know that's a lie.”

Both Connor and Leon have been victims of your aggressive sleeping style. One of these days he’s gonna tie all your limbs down, and not in a sexy way. But not in a murderous way either, let’s make that clear. In a Connor-wants-one-singular-night-to-not-get-punched-in-his-sleep way.

Oh god, his brain is rambling. Oh god, he does not want to do this.

“(Y/N),” he says before he can talk himself out of it, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

“About what?” you ask, holding Emilia close as you sit down in the rocking chair.

“I…” Connor has never been this sweaty in his life, “I want another baby.”

“Oh,” you say, indifferent, “Congratulations.”

His brow furrows, “what?”

“On growing a uterus,” you arch an eyebrow, “Because I sure as hell am not using mine again for like 3 years.”

Connor laughs, “I wasn’t saying right away. But, I just want to know if it’s something on the table.”

“I want another baby,” you say, “And as long as you’re willing to wait, I don’t see why it would be an issue.”

~~~

And Connor definitely feels lighter after his talk with you. And he even impresses Sophie by actually doing his homework for once:

“So did you talk to Leon yet?” She asks after he’s finished giving his rundown of his week.

“No,” he says sheepishly, “But I did talk to (Y/N) about having another baby.”

She has the professionalism to not look shocked, but Connor is getting a little better at reading her. Or at least he thinks he is. He still gets anxious whenever she writes things on her notepad, “and how did that go?”

“Honestly, it was better than I expected.”

“How so?”

He shrugs, “I guess I was just expecting the worst?”

“And why is that?”

He shrugs again, “Isn’t that something that you’re supposed to figure out when you psychoanalyze me at the beginning of every session?”

Sophie throws her head back in laughter, “You do know I can’t read your mind right.”

It sure feels like she can sometimes. Which is why he pays her but still, it’s rude. ~~~

Connor thought he was sweaty and anxious before talking to you. However, when it comes time to talk to Leon he also feels nauseous. Like, he might throw up in the kitchen sink again nauseously. But he’s been sitting on this for a few months now - but what if Leon hates him. What if he doesn't want to be with Connor anymore. What if he asks for a trade?

No, Connor’s spiraling. Leon’s a rational person; he's not gonna hate Connor for talking about his feelings, something Leon encourages because Connor tends to bottle things up until he explodes.

But what if-

No. No spiraling, yet.

“Leo,” Leon hums against Connors chest from his spot on the couch next to him, “You still awake?”

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “But I was thinking about going upstairs soon.”

Connor shuts the TV off, “Um, actually before that can we...talk?”

Leon sits up and stretches, “What about?”

Connor takes a deep breath, “I think - I think I’m mad at you?”

Leon looks a little confused, and Connor can’t say he blames him, “You think you’re mad at me?”

“I-yeah,” he takes another breath, “I know you’ve been trying really hard to reconcile with (Y/N), and that’s great, and I’m definitely not trying to say I take priority over her, but it kind of feels like you’ve put me on the backburner a bit.”

Leon nods, “How so?”

Connor shrugs, “I mean, when you came back and you apologized it was definitely pointed towards her. And it’s the little things, like you always make what (Y/N) wants for dinner and not me. It feels a little bit like there’s a hierarchy here.”

“Do you...feel this way with (Y/N) too?”

“A little bit,” he says, “But mostly with things concerning Emilia, so it’s not as big of an issue.”

Connor realized he feels a bit…scorned, for lack of a better word. Connor was with you first, and that’s not something he feels jealous about but now it’s all coming up. Connor never left you, Connor was the one who held back your hair and wiped your tears when Leon was MIA. Connor was there, Leon left.

...maybe he did need to talk to you some more.

~~~

Connor and Leon spend a long time talking on the couch before they join you in bed. Eventually, Leon puts his head in Connor’s lap as the conversation turns mundane and they just enjoy each other’s presence. It’s been a while since they’ve done that. They end the night with a little make out session that doesn’t lead anywhere more. It was nice.

The next morning Connor’s on baby duty. Not that he minds, it’s always nice to start his day with a smile from Emilia. He changes her diaper and puts a fresh sleeper on her, listening to the little baby noises she makes. When he’s finished he takes her downstairs to the kitchen where you and Leon are making breakfast.

“Good morning, babe,” Leon says when Connor turns the corner, “Do you want strawberries or blueberries on your french toast?”

Leon was making his favourite breakfast. Connor can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face.

“And how’s my favourite girl?” he asks, giving Emilia a little kiss on her forehead.

“A pooping machine,” Connor responds to her, and Emilia laughs at him.

“Did she just-?” you get from your spot on the barstool and run to Connor’s side.

“Her first laugh?” Connor says, “Yeah.”

He tickles her belly in an effort to get her to keep laughing, but she chooses that moment to be a stubborn newborn and frowns instead.

He looks at Leon, “She is absolutely your baby.”

“I smiled when I was a baby!”

“No, Leo he’s got a point,” you say in between funny faces, “your mom said she has one baby photo of you smiling because you would refuse to smile for the camera.”

“I was shy.”

“You’re a robot,” Connor says.

“Like you’re one to talk,” you scoff.

~~~

“Connor please,” you pant, “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

Connor holds back a laugh, watching the sweat drip down your face, “I thought this is what you wanted?”

“Leo!,” you yell, catching his attention from across the room, “Tell Connor he’s being an ass.”

Leon does not hold back his laugh, “He’s got a point.”

“I can’t believe I’m getting bullied right now.”

Connor wraps his arms around you and pulls you close into his body, “It’s just some squats, baby, it’s not the end of the world.”

“It is when you keep adding weight!”

“Because you’re stronger.”

You just stare at him and, honestly, Connor feels a little scared.

“Tell you what,” he leans down so he can whisper in your ear, “If you make it through your sets, without complaining, Leo and I will take turns eating you out tears run down your pretty little face.”

“Promise?” you hold out your pinky.

Emilia’s being babysat by her grandparents so Connor feels no qualms when he links his pinky with yours, “Promise.”

“Promise what?” Leon pipes up from his place on the leg press.

“Connor offered up your body in exchange for squats,” you say, shouldering the bar once more.

“And what did Connor say I would do?”

“You’ll find out,” Connor says, waving a hand at Leon nonchalantly.

“I don’t even get to know how I’m being used as a bargaining chip?”

“Nope,” Connor says with a smile, popping the ‘p’.

~~~

Leon learns what the exact terms and conditions are of the agreement about an hour later. And, just like Connor expected, he does not complain.

He even has the audacity to wink at Connor as he’s tongue-deep in pussy. Ugh, he forgot what the butterflies in his stomach felt like when he’s not constantly annoyed with Leon. He can’t help himself, he gets up from where he was giving his jaw a break, and slides his fingers over Leon’s hole. Leon tenses up ever so slightly, he breaks the momentum he had on you, evident by how hard your ankles are digging into Leon’s shoulders.

“Don’t stop,” Connor grunts, slipping one digit past the rim, “You don’t cum until she does.”

He slides his finger all the way before uncapping the lube and lathering his fingers up and adding a second. Connor knows when he hits Leon’s prostate when He lets out a low groan into your cunt.

“Fuuuuuuck,” you whine, writhing against the sheets.

Leon pushes back on Connor’s fingers at the same time your hips start to grind down feverishly on Leon’s face.

“Make her cum, Leo,” Connor says, removing his fingers from Leon’s ass and teasing his hole once more.

Leon’s focus changes completely. His fingers dig into your hipbones, pulling you closer to him so he has a better angle. Your chest is rising and falling quickly, heaving off the bed when Leon finally sucks your clit. You cum with a shout, tumbling over the edge, pussy clenching around Leon’s tongue.

Connor wastes no time, grabbing Leon’s hips to steady him before spreading Leon's cheeks and swiping his tongue in long, broad strokes. Connor’s not the biggest fan of rimming, but Leon loves it. Leon groans as Connor teases him, starts to rut against the bed when Connor’s tongue dips into his hole, loses it when Connor starts to fuck him open with his tongue. He reaches over to jack Leon off, pumping him as he continues to take him apart. Leon goes limp beneath him, reduced to nothing but moans. Connor speeds up his ministries, revealing in the way Connor’s name falls weakly from Leon’s mouth. Leon bucks hard against the bed, cums with a shudder. Connor takes his hand off Leon's cock, and places it on his own but doesn’t quite relent on his tongue, working Leon through the aftershocks' pleasure. It doesn’t take very long for Connor to cum, finally letting up on Leon and effectively ruining his boxers.

“Aw Leo,” Connor says once he can catch his breath, “We have to watch the duvet cover now.”

~~~

“Where is my baby?” Connor teases playfully when you walk through the door, baby carrier in hand.

“Calm your tits,” you say, placing the carrier on the kitchen counter and allowing Connor to take her out, “She’s home, and just woke up from a nap.”

“I wish I took a nap today,” Connor says as he rocks Emilia in his arms. She gives Connor a toothless smile and Connor just wants to smoosh her.

“Has anyone ever told you, you look really good holding a baby?” Leon says, giving Connor a quick peck on the cheek.

“Good enough to have another baby?” Connor asks.

You roll your eyes, “Two years, Con.”

“I’m just teasing.”

And, yeah, Connor finally starts to feel like he’s home again.

[supercalime]

The House in the Cerulean Sea Commentary

Chapter 1 to 10:

- I love that we get straight into the story

- I like that Linus starts off as a likable protagonist. I was afraid he was going to be the trope of jerk turns softie because of children

- I love casual queer rep! Pop off!

- I love that they didn’t need to say that calliope was a cat. Saying is a creature of evil was enough for us to guess it was a cat lol

- Petition for Dan fogler to play Linus in a movie adaptation of this book. Tell me if that wouldn’t be perfect

- This book reads like a Tim burton and a Guillermo del toro movie, I can’t explain

- The loneliness stuff are hitting me like a train

- He took calliope with him! That’s cute

- Calling it now. Calliope will be the sweetest to Arthur and that’s how we get ✨soulmates✨

- The kid. Is literally. The child. Of the. Devil. I-

- I already love the caretaker. She’s sassy and calls out toxic masculinity. My gal

- I love how weird all the kids are. They have really unique designs

- Lucy is hilarious, I would die for him

- Oh poor Sal...

- Poor all these children

- I’m happy Linus is putting his foot down in his reports. The department fucked him over and he let them know. Good on him

- Of course there are some assholes threatening children and being hateful bigots ugh

- Queer main character and Religious trauma walk hand in hand. I can relate

- Chauncey is a precious little blob! I love him

- Beelzebub is not a scary name at all. For the son of the devil? Lame

- “How can we fight prejudice if we do nothing to change it?”

- I am getting that the romance is going to probably be a slow burn. I don’t even care. I love everything about Linus and Arthur. They can take their time. Their dialogues are so good

- Why the hell is chapter 10 38 pages?

- Oh the islanders are not only racist, but they are also homophobic? Why am not surprised?

Chapter 11 to Epilogue:

- seriously, the reports are the best parts of this book

- Oh sweet! Calliope likes Sal!

- Lucy gave him a record player! That is ADORABLE

- I was wondering for the longest time why this book is categorized as adult when it could have very well be middle grade...until now. They just made a masturbation joke. And I cringed

- What I love about Linus and Arthur’s relationship is the communication! They even disagree well

- Arthur is one flirty motherfucker

- If Chauncey is not a bellhop by the end of this book, then I don’t want it

- THEY. ARE. HOLDING. HANDS!!

- I really like how the children are written. It doesn’t feel forced. They’re human, talking normally

- I’m scared for these kids man. I think something bad will happen in this outing

- Record store guy is cool

- And he’s a stoner. Why am I not surprised 😂

- Of course ice cream parlor server is a dick

- Linus having full conversations with his cat is a MOOD

- I KNEW IT! I KNEW ARTHUR WAS A MAGICAL BEING!!!

- A Phoenix?????

- Ugh. The assholes with pitchforks and torches arrived

- Helen saving the day!

- They made him a goodbye sign! I’m gonna cry

- And now Arthur and Linus are dancing. Tj really wants to kill me

- We need to have a rom com type “running through the airport”scene. Linus can’t just LEAVE

- Or he can. Disregard what I just said

- Yeah Linus! Make the extremely upper management SUCK IT!

- Oh thank god they approved the orphanage

- “I don’t know why you don’t just kiss him and get it over with. Adults are so dumb.” Lucy is all of us lol

-“I don’t know why you don’t just kiss him and get it over with. Adults are so dumb.” Lucy is all of us lol

- This book would make a sweet movie. Of Hollywood ever gets progressive, they should definitely adapt this into a movie. But for the love of god don’t let Tim burton even look at it! He’s gonna butcher it

- They are getting another kid!

- PROPOSAL???

- Aw! That was nice

[ivyglow]

psa + deactiv for a bit

I had some time to read what some people were saying out there and it really saddens me how many “I’m lgbtqia+ and I don’t see anything wrong with the tweets” or “at his age I used to say the same things”, this shows us two things 1) some of you were/are really privileged for not understanding that this is systemic violence, therefore, the person who said the slur doesn’t need to mean it in a bad way because it’s a slur no matter the context and 2) some of you think that just because something happened in the past you don’t need to apologize or recognize your mistakes, which is awful, I’m sorry. 

Being a black girl and having a white mother taught me a lot about acknowledgment, just a couple years ago I started calling my mom out in some of her actions and she made me a lot of questions, we discussed a series of topics and her view on racism has been amplified, just a couple months ago she came to me and she apologized for something she did when I was a five years old kid, she said she was sorry if she ever made me feel bad about my skin, or my nose or anything regarding my blackness, she apologize for things she realizes were wrong to my sister too (and my sister is white, so this isn’t only about the “woke” subject as some people try to make it seem). I’ve never asked my mom to apologize, she also never asked me to forgive her, but I’m sure if she was a public person and something came out about her hurting someone (intently or not) she would apologize, because this is how we grow and this is how we acknowledge our mistakes. We understand that we’re inserted into a bigger space and this space influences how we react to some things, but when we have the opportunity to do better: we do better. 

Systemic violence such as racism and homophobia don’t necessarily need the other part to mean harm, because again: it's systemic. Slurs were wrong back then and they still wrong nowadays. It doesn’t mean that because you used it back then you’re a homophobe now, but it means that you hurt someone at the time and how you react and respond to this situation now says something about who you are in the present. I’m so so sad with people saying they used to say it therefore it's not a problem or that he was a kid. Yes, it was something “common” to SOME of you at the time, but it doesn’t mean it was right and if any of you ever get the opportunity to apologize to someone that was around you at the time: please, do. Yes, nols was a teenager at the time, but as a white, rich boy he gets to have the “space to grow” and make mistakes that bipoc and some lgbtqia+ never had. My brother has the same age as Nolan, and he wasn’t excused for his mistakes -no matter how small they were- because he was a black kid.

When I say publicly talking and apologizing, addressing the issue, I mean it so people can see that no matter if for some it seemed ok back then, it wasn’t. Some of you didn’t felt personally attacked by the slurs, which is fine but to say that it wasn’t harmful reduces the feeling of a whole group to your own feelings, it makes exactly what those acts of violence do: it treats us as homogenous. 

I’m completely fine with people supporting him, I really am, it wasn’t my intention to make everyone angry with my first post, I was addressing an issue that was brought to me in my ask box, saying how hockey culture is not something that starts on the nhl or isn’t influenced by the majority there (white, rich, cis, etc). Whoever took the time to read the whole thing saw that I said everything people are repeating there: he was a teenager, probably space, where he grew up, didn’t really introduce him on social issues, people probably never called him out on that at the time and so on, but this doesn’t change the fact that slurs aren’t ok. It strikes me as some of you still live in a fairytale where we get to have bad guys and good guys, but we're human beings and we need to start understanding that someone can do something bad in the past without necessarily being a bad person (that goes from problem to problem, of course). You say you want to change hockey culture and that you want to do better but when a bipoc/lgbtqia+ points an issue and wants to debate it y’all are quick to choose the one who has the same view as you and use it (@someone is gay and didn’t felt affected by it, therefore, it isn’t a big deal!!!), and it's just curious, honestly.

You also feel as if you have the right to come to my inbox and say hateful stuff, question my views and point a finger at me. I’m not perfect nor I expect any player to be, I’m well aware they are mostly white rich men, and the environment they grew up in is completely different from what we would expect as the ideal, but it doesn’t mean that we’re gonna simply ignore issues. That being said I’m not answering about this topic anymore, its tiring and stressful especially when people already have everything out there, and what I keep doing is basically repeating myself in different ways just so yall get your message. I’m not here to educate, this is supposed to be a safe space for me, yet I do talk about these topics because I know we need it more around here. The fact that some of you choose to block me (when we never really talked!!!), point me as a problematic blog, or diminish the topic, shows a lot about hockey culture (that is very present between the fans, not only in the league).

When you start to realize that part of the discomfort we feel while dealing with these issues is the key to changing the situation we’re gonna start going somewhere, while you keep diminishing it and trying to make excuses we’ll be stuck.

I recommend you to read mia’s rant about it here. Also, take some time to read about the nwhl situation here.

I’m leaving for a while, maybe a day or two or maybe a week, I’m not sure, I just need some time to get my energy back, I deal with this shit every day irl, I shouldn’t have to feel bad in here. I’m really thankful for all the supportive people and I’m really sorry for the hateful anons or the people who felt like I was attacking them or their fave, that wasn’t my intention (especially because nols was my fav too, but I personally felt kinda off, maybe in a different time I wouldn’t feel off and that's ok too). Anyway, I hope I see y’all soon in a better vibe than that (those last lb’s were really good for me btw! you guys are amazing) and if you miss me that much (jk) you can ask for my discord acc to my tito ( @barbienoturbby ). love yall <3 mel 

I’m turning my anons back because of all the named anons I had and I know some of them don’t have a tumblr acc but please: don’t send in shitty things/hate, just go live your life the way you want and leave me in peace. 

sorry for the long rant, I just felt like clarifying things because besides the asks there are people blocking me and unf me like crazy which is ?????

[bucksblr]

tagged by @leonzhng​ thanks for making me dig through my most embarrassing crushes 😭✋

i’ll tag @highwarlockkareena​ @yibobibo​ @lan-xichens​ @purplexedhuman​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @lanzhansmiles​ @nyx4​ i feel like i tag you guys in everything i am so sorry please ignore this if u don’t wanna do it !!

putting this under a read more for reasons

MEN 2010 – 2016

literally nothing more embarrassing than falling on the same type of white man over and over again (with the exception of minho from shinee bless his heart)

tommy joe ratliff → he was the bass player for adam lambert during his glamnation era (think of songs like for your entertainment and if i had you) idk why exactly i liked him so much but i just did.... however i searched him up again quite recently and found out he’s one of those republicans that says the dumbest shit on twitter so Big Yikes

harry styles → “baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell...” and BOOM 13-year-old me was sold for well over two years

louis tomlinson → basically i liked harry most until around 2013 when for some reason i started to like him a little less, and i got more focused on louis tomlinson, and although i didn’t like one direction anymore louis tomlinson always had a special place in my heart

ashton irwin → so ashton is 5sos’ drummer, i discovered 5sos through one direction & i stanned them until late 2014

harries twins → the harries twins (jack & finn) are basically the reason i started spending a lot of time on youtube, they were funny and pretty and they just had good videos in general, so for almost two years i’d watch their content regularly

choi minho → my first steps into kpop happened bc i was watching videos on youtube (most probably the harries twins) and suddenly i saw the sherlock mv in my recommended videos so i clicked on it and then 14-year-old me proceeded to fall for minho like an idiot

brooks twins → still youtubers, the brooks twins were 3/5 of the janoskians (jai & luke brooks, beau brooks, daniel sahyounie, & james yammouni), an australian youtube comedy group that was active from 2011-2018 though i was only around from 2012-2014 (when jai brooks was dating ariana grande)

jc caylen → surprise! another youtuber! jc caylen was part of o2l (our2ndlife) a youtube collaboration channel on which each of the 6 members posted videos on a certain day in the week (mondays with connor, tuesdays with ricky, wednesdays with sam, thursdays with jc, fridays with trevi (my 2nd favorite member bc she participated on the x factor), saturdays with ricardo, and then they had surprise sundays every week) and i remember how much joy jc & the others always brought me with their silly videos

misha collins → up next, you might know him as the gay angel that was sent to superhell after confessing his love to the homophobic hunter on supernatural, it’s misha collins! basically misha was a huge source of comfort for me, and i even went around calling myself emmisha for almost two full years (cringe)

henrik holm → he played even bech naesheim in skam and my crush on him reached that level of ridiculousness where i actually tried my hand at learning norwegian (i can only remember how to introduce myself and some curse words i would make a great first impression on him)

MEN 2016 – 2021

min yoongi → okay so my baby steps into kpop happened through shinee’s sherlock, but i only got really invested when yoongi dropped agust d 1 because Holy Fuck y’know??

kim namjoon → oh man i remember thinking namjoon was cute and a very good leader and then BAM he dressed like THAT at the 2016 mma’s and i fell in love. hard

park seojoon → i started liking park seojoon whilst i was watching hwarang (you guessed it, i watched it bc of taehyung), although he wasn’t my favorite character by far, but he was very silly off camera & i liked that (i’m not that into him anymore tho </3)

kim seokjin → OH BOY LET ME TELL U i liked seokjin from the very beginning (i got to know bts in late 2014) and i always liked seeing him perform and be himself and god once i realized i had a crush on him it just hit me like a mf truck, and he’s still one of my favorite people to this day

jung hoseok → god fake love era hoseok really hits different.... also yes i know i have all of bts’ hyung line on my list BUT bts was a really big part of my life for almost 6 years soooo honestly they deserve it i still think they’re great guys

choi san → when ateez made their debut in 2018 i immediately fell in love with san, he was such an amazing dancer and he captivated me right from the very beginning, to this day he’s still my bias in ateez uwu

xiao zhan → AND THEN, OCTOBER OF 2019 HAPPENS AND I WATCH CQL AND... i fall in love with xiao zhan, something i’d never expected would happen bc when i watched cql for the first time i wasn’t as invested in the story, but i really really really liked xiao zhan and one thing led to another and now here i am as a xfx

wang yibo → the thing is, i’ve known yibo since eoeo except i didn’t know cql yibo was uniq yibo (bc i’d forgotten his name) and when i looked it up i can tell you my jaw dropped to the floor bc holy shit????? also he is very silly and i love him loads ok

lee minho → ah, the man who has been my skz bias since 2018, not only is minho my bias i also kin him (there’s a lot of aspects of myself that i see in minho and vice versa) and he’s very comforting to me

bang chan → honestly, it was only a matter of time before i’d fall for bang chan, i knew the moment i got into skz again that i’d start biasing him and, well, here i am, double biasing chan & minho

WOMEN

this list is shorter bc i’ve in general always had less crushes on women than on men??? blame society forcing me into thinking i was straight for a LONG time

ariana grande → remember the 2011 layout of twitter?? where u could not only have an icon and a header, but also a background and ur twitter page was smack in the center of ur screen with the big ugly menu bar at the top??? yeah ariana grande was always my background for my l*rr* st*l*n*s*n layouts

perrie edwards → this was right around the time she was dating zayn & little mix was breaking out into the spotlight, yeah i just really loved her

andrea russett → okay so remember o2l?? andrea russett was kian’s girlfriend for a pretty long time and they always did videos together and i always thought she was super pretty

lily collins → maybe i don’t like clary in tmi all that much but i sure liked the way lily collins looked

alona tal → MY BISEXUAL AWAKENING, it’s only when i saw alona tal in spn that i realized, fuck i might be gay

park jihyo → i discovered twice (my 2nd jype group after day6) through the like ooh-ahh mv and red-haired jihyo really did something to my heart (i just rewatched it and god zombie bang chan is so mf cute)

kim jisoo → when bp made their square two comeback i was immediately smitten for red-haired jisoo in playing with fire, it’s also when i realized she was my bias out of the four members

shin ryujin → the reason that i have blue hair is partially bc of ryujin and her amazing intro in wannabe :D

xuan lu → her portrayal of jiang yanli was SO ON POINT and she’s just such a kindhearted wonderful person wow i want her hand in marriage

lee yoobin → god i’ve known dreamcatcher from back when they were still called minx and ever since i’ve always looked at dami that bit more than the rest, i was also able to see dreamcatcher live in october of 2019 and the whole experience was just so amazing !!

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

there’s a whole lot more than just these 10 but i wanted to fit the evolution into one (1) slide as best as i could lmao

peter pan → this movie came out in 2003 (?) and he’s honestly the first fictional character i remember ever having a crush on

legolas → i was really doubting between placing haldir or legolas here but i only really got a vague haldir obsession when i was like 14

zuko → LOOK. ZUKO IN ATLA? HOT. ZUKO IN LOK? HOT EVEN IF HE’S AN OLD MAN.

will turner → man was annoying sometimes but i really liked him and his relationship with elizabeth was cute

jo harvelle → gosh i can’t believe she’s the only female character in here???? yeah she was one of my two spn faves and i’ll never forgive the screenwriters for the way they killed her off

castiel → does your fave ever get sent to super hell for being gay? no? well. mine did

kili → fili and kili’s storyline tore my heart out, spit on it, and then laughed straight in my face, KILI WAS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DWARF

howl → i only watched this movie for the first time in 2020 so i kinda fucked up the tl cause i watched cql in 2019 but shh, anyways howl with his blonde hair was good looking but howl with his black hair just hits differently. i want a howl

lan jingyi → MY BABY BOY, TINIE LITTLE BABIE WHOMST I MUST PROTECT ok no but seriously this kid. i love him a lot

mu qing → BARK BARK. that’s all (that’s not all i love him a whole lot and it hurts me to see so many people misunderstand his character and only see the bad parts of him when they can forgive others for fucking up (eg. xie lian himself & feng xin) but bc mu qing doesn’t deal well with emotions suddenly he’s the bad guy??? i s2g if ppl are gonna do to him what they did to jiang cheng in the tgcf la i will RIOT)

[fandomsoverlife]

A lot to unpack (Vanya Hargreeves x reader)

I strayed a little from the original ask (Hey, could you write something for fem!reader x vanya? Reader meets the rest of the fam and she’s super nervous but ends up with having a lot of fun? Thank you!) by making Vanya the nervous one.

Anyway, word count: 1562. Summary, fem!reader (lesbian/bi/pan, it’s not precisely mentioned) meets the umbrella academy while her GF Vanya is out of the house. Theres mild fluff and the reader being a protective girlfriend. Warnings: mentions of the word homophobia, nervousness, and an excessive love of Hozier.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It all started quite a few months ago with a weird man and a cute girl, and you of course.

You couldn’t exactly recall what had happened, but you ended up with a cute girlfriend and a happier existence.

Somehow though, you had managed to not meet most of her family. You had met Klaus and Diego, and the little one who acted much older than he looked had made himself comfortable in your shared home one time but quickly left when you arrived so you had no clue what his name even was (you had a thought perhaps it was Fred? Phil? Something that started with an F, you knew that much), and you had had conversations about Allison but you had yet to meet her. And you hadn’t met the other one (she didn’t like talking about him so you didn’t push it - you were not going to make her uncomfortable because you knew her childhood was fucked up).

Vanya was out, doing something regarding violins or sheet music, you couldn’t quite remember. You were busy spring cleaning and working your ass off to make your new apartment shine, which included unpacking everything you owned.

That is, until you heard a knock on your door.

And you weren’t expecting anyone, at least to your knowledge.

So when you opened your door to see several people standing in the hall waiting to be let in you could’ve passed out from shock.

“Hey Y/N, we’re here for house warming!” That was a voice you recognized, it was Klaus. You loved Klaus, and he loved you right back. “Sorry for coming without warning, none of them are patient enough to call you or Vanya.”

“I’m sorry, what’s going on?”

“Where’s Vanya?”

Now that, that right there was a voice you didn’t recognize and it made you uncomfortable. “Who are you?”

“Oh, that’s just Luther, sweets. Don’t sweat it.”

You stood to the side to let the horde of people through, only recognizing two of them (aside from Klaus and Diego). The little one and Allison. The giant man, on the other hand, was a complete and utter mystery to you. That must be the one who Vanya wasn’t comfortable talking about.

“So where is Vanya, I thought this was her apartment.” That was the little one, Frank? Was that his name?

“Five, be polite. Vanya and Y/N live together.” Diego said, giving you a side hug as he saw the look of mild panic and confusion on your face as everyone tried to get comfortable in your apartment. “Is that the Hozier guy?’

Diego was of course referring to the music playing from your record player in the kitchen. And it was Hozier, he was right.

“Oh yeah, lesbians love Hozier.” Klaus laughed as he found one of the cats (he had found Turtle, and was busy giving her tummy rubs).

“Lesbians?”

You turned to look at the three people you didn’t know, eyebrows raised - just waiting for some homophobic response or for a gross one, you weren’t sure what to expect. “What’s wrong with lesbians?”

“I love lesbians, or bisexuals, or pansexuals - especially the one who saved our sister from causing the apocalypse!” Klaus held Turtle in one arm and wrapped the other arm around your shoulder as you stood facing the mystery people in your living room. “Now, I thought our dear dead father taught you guys manners! Introduce yourselves! Or I’ll do it for you.”

Klaus raised his eyebrows expectantly. “And I’ll share embarrassing stories about you as I do it. For example, Luth-“

“Shut up Klaus.” It was the little one again, walking up to you and holding his hand out. “Five.”

“Y/N.” You shook his hand, thinking to yourself about how strange that name was.

“I’m Allison, sorry we barged in on your peaceful Saturday morning. That’s Luther, over there, sitting like he’s in shock.” The woman you recognized, walking up to you to shake hands with you.

“You’re fine, I just wasn’t expecting any of you. Obviously.” You motioned to the clothes you had on, which was one of Vanya’s many button up shirts and spandex shorts. “So, you’re all of her siblings, right? I know that she has six, but I just wanna know if there are more people that will be coming to our place.”

“Well you know Ben is here in spirit, as per usual. Where is our sister, though?” Klaus asked, looking out one of the windows in your living room.

“She went to uh, do something involving the orchestra. I don’t exactly remember what. Its been a long morning.” You grumbled, returning to trying to unpack books. “I think she was picking up sheet music for a concert or for a student, I have no clue anymore.”

“How do you not know where she is?” There’s that voice again, the one you didn’t recognize.

“She’s my girlfriend, not my prey. I don’t need to know where she is at all times, that’s kinda unhealthy.”

“She could be dangerous, you know?”

You turned to face him. “Okay, sweetie I am gonna stop you right there. She went through something, that I know. But I know that she would never hurt someone on purpose and actually mean to do it. And from what your brothers have told me, you could be dangerous too. So I don’t wanna hear it. Now, we are going to start over. Hi, I’m Y/N and I’m very happily in a relationship with your sweet, angel of a sister. What’s your name?”

He looked at you in shock, and so did the people around you (excluding Diego, he knew you could get like this - he’d seen you defend Klaus from assholes in a Waffle House one time). “Uh, I am, uh, my name is Luther. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too! Now I’m very grateful to meet you all but let me just say this; if any of you say anything bad about Vanya ever, and I mean ever - if you even look at her wrong - you will not be permitted in this apartment!” You smiled brightly, looking at everyone. “Now that that’s out of the way, does anyone want any coffee?”

When Vanya got back she had brought your favorite coffee with her, ready for snuggles and kisses from her favorite girl. Needless to say, she was very caught off guard by the sight of her family helping you unpack the kitchen. Luther had a heavy duty mixer in on arm and a food processor in the other, kindly asking you where you wanted them. Allison was organizing books by author, scratching one of your cats behind the ears (that one was Bagel, and Klaus still had Turtle in his arms as danced around the apartment to Hozier’s smooth voice and beautiful acoustics) while Five and Diego put plates and silverware away.

“What’s going on?” She asked, walking up beside you and handing you the coffee she had brought for you.

“Well it seems like everyone heard you moved and wanted to see what the place looked like.” You looked over at her, smiling. “I roped them into unpacking things with me.”

“I’m guessing you met the rest of the family then?” She looked nervous, which confused you. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

You turned to face her, rubbing your thumbs along her cheeks and smiling. “Don’t worry, baby, I still like you the most.”

You winked at her, playfully, pressing a kiss to her cheek before taking her hand and leading her to a different room. “I didn’t know where you wanted your violin stuff so I have it sitting in the office, with your box of sheet music and a new bow.”

“A new bow?” She asked, an excitement lighting up her eyes. “Did you?”

“Luther did.” You whispered, rubbing her arm comfortingly. “He said he wants to make up for what happened before we got together.”

Vanya took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t, y/n I don’t know how to react to any of this.”

“I know this is a lot. And it’s overwhelming. And I know I certainly wasn’t expecting it either. And you didn’t want me to meet them this way, but I think maybe this is better than it could’ve gone if it was planned.”

“Why do you say that?” She asked, intertwining her fingers with yours.

“I’m not sure, but it feels right. Besides, who doesn’t love surprises?” You smile, pulling her close.

“Neither of us like surprises, it’s one of the reasons we work so well together.”

“And because I love you.” You slide your arms around her waist and pout. “Kiss?”

She smiled, that sweet soft smile that could make flowers grow and make joint pain fade, before planting a careful kiss onto your mouth. “Kiss.”

“Do you wanna go back out there? Or should I kick them out?”

She pursed her lips, her fingers tightening around yours quickly before letting out a long breath. “I think we can let them stay. Besides, they’re helping us unpack.”

“It’s less work for us, so that’s gonna make it easy to settle in faster. And the cats love the extra attention.”

Vanya smiled, looking at you with a softness in her gaze that made your heart flutter. “I love you, ya know.”

“Don’t I know it.”

[fandom-star]

Transgender Pride Month Challenge

So, I'm an admin on a trans meme/info account on Instagram, and one of the guys on there sent this to our chat, so I thought I'd do it on here.

1. My name is Elliott or Ell. I am asexual and bi/panromantic (both fit me so I use both) and I am a transmasculine non-binary person.

2. The only proper coming out I've had was with my mum. I don't feel like putting it here, it's somewhere on my blog. Most of the time I've either given my friends my Tumblr knowing they'd figure it out or I've just dropped a thousand hints in group chats! I dunno, I just prefer coming out like that with people I know will be okay with it.

3. I've probably always had an idea, at least since I was about 8, but after the age of 10 I kind of went into a fair bit of denial and threw myself into being a fangirl. I eventually realised I should look into it in May 2018, when I first identified as a demigirl.

4. I am not on hormones. It's probably something I'll look into doing maybe in my mid twenties for half a year, maybe a year, to get the extent of the effects that I want, but I don't think I'd stay on for much more than a year.

5. My support system is mostly my friends. 

6. My chest, my deadname (mostly seeing it written), sometimes my voice, sometimes my height.

7. When I decided to change my name (July 2018 when I was exploring the possibility of being a trans guy) the one thing I knew was that I wanted to still be able to feasibly use the nickname Ell. So I basically looked around online for names with that sound in them. I ended up with about five or six and wrote down the pros and cons of them all. The only con on the name Elliott was that there was a guy in my form class with the same name (Elliot), whereas the others usually had about two. So I chose Elliott.

8. I haven't had much of a transition journey. I had my hair cut short in July 2018. Had my first irl coming out in September 2018 as non-binary to a friend who figured it out. July 2019 I changed my name. July and August 2019 I came out to my mum (if you followed me then you'll know what that story is and why it was over two months). November 2019 I went to a comic con with my friends which was my first time being openly non-binary in public, and I also bought my first pronoun badge there. Later in the month, my mum bought me a pronoun badge. December 2019 my best friend bought me my first binder. And some point before September 2020 I will have come out on my personal Instagram.

9. I don't think I have any regrets. I feel like I shouldn't have any, because everything I have done has brought me here, and I'm happy where I am. Maybe I regret backing out of coming out on Instagram last month, because I was gonna try coming out on 1st of July, but with everything happening I felt like it was a really inappropriate time.

10. My binder is a blue half tank from GC2B. His name is Robbie. I can't be bothered to take a photo!

11. My definite transition goals are to legally change my name and gender (but only when the UK legally recognises non-binary people, until then imma confuse people by having a masculine legal name but being legally recognised as female!) and have a chest reduction. As I said earlier, I'm definitely considering testosterone, but the two effects I definitely want from it are facial hair and a deeper voice, both of which I could probably achieve to an extent without the involvement of T. (I basically have the ability to grow a beard naturally, but I never have because mum's worried about me being bullied or whatever if it gets too much.)

14. I am single and have never been in a relationship. I know, I know, the shock and the horror of a 16 year old having never been in a relationship, but I'm permanently anxious about everything, and I don't develop crushes very often and the last two I've had have been on friends, one of which doesn't live near me and I've never met in person, so.... Yeah, and that means I can't really say whether people knowing I'm trans or not has had any difference in them being attracted to me.

15. Obviously, I'm not completely out right now, but when I do come out I will be quite open about it. There's no real way to be stealth as a non-binary person, so that's not really a possibility. Even on the trans masc side of things, I don't think I'd ever be able to be stealth nor do I really want to be. For one, my transition plans don't exactly allow for it particularly, but also, while being referred to as male is highly preferable to being referred to as female, if I can have control over it, I won't be seen as strictly either.

16. I think I stand with the majority when I say that the only concern I can think of around transitioning is transphobia. Especially with my classmates, because while some of them are amazing (hello the whole five of you here) there's a lot of casual transphobia and explicit mockery of non-binary people at my school. It's one of the reasons I really hope our pride group continues when I start back at Sixth Form in September, because I feel like we could do a lot to combat that.

17. I mean, I guess I basically went over fear of rejection in 16, but I guess I could extend on that by explaining why I don't really mention my dad in regards to all this. Basically, I haven't come out to him about anything regarding my queer identity. This isn't necessarily because of him being explicitly homophobic or transphobic (he's never said anything homophobic ever and seemingly supports my going to pride events), it's mostly because our relationship is somewhat distant. We don't have an awful lot to do with each other outside of sharing interests. And he tends to be averse to anything "new". So, yes, I fear that if I came out to my father about being non-binary he would react by either ignoring it or me or not believing me.

20. September 2016 vs Today, June 2020

21. Something I'm most proud of relating to being trans... ooh! Probably the time I went out for lunch with my mum and my granny (who is basically deaf) and being called "sir" and "young man" by two different waiters while mum went to the toilet. The reason that's such an amazing moment for me is because I was feeling extremely dysphoric about how long my hair was getting, so I wasn't even making any attempt to look at all masculine. 

22. Things that make me euphoric are binding, people saying my name, listening to recordings of my voice (a lot of the time it sounds a lot more androgynous than I expect) and seeing photos of myself in cosplay.

23. Music. Very generic! Um... I have a Spotify playlist of songs to listen to when I feel dysphoric. Speaking of Spotify playlists, most of them are based on ships or characters. My username is seltudoor. I have a rather large record collection and an old record player/radio/cassette player that used to be my dad's that I think is from the 80s. Everything else you know! Classic rock, Sinatra and all that.

24. Freddie Mercury is the love of my life (HA!) and my role model. I have put into words why somewhere on my music blog, but I can't exactly remember. It goes a bit deeper than that he wasn't afraid to be true to himself. I also have an entire post about my trans role model Lou Sullivan that I made last June. In short, he was the first trans man to medically transition as an openly gay man who was also a badass, though I mainly say that because towards the end of his life (he died from AIDS complications) he wrote that, although the medical system didn't recognise him as a gay man, it seemed as though he was going to die like one.

25. Weirdest fact about me. Hmm... not sure I have any weird facts. My bookshelf organisation has two aspects to it that I don't think I've seen anyone else have. I group them by genre and order them by publication date from earliest to latest.

26. Things that cross my mind a lot. The fact that I should really be doing some writing instead of reading another fanfiction or watching another YouTube video that spoils most of Merlin for me. I don't know really.

27. You can win my heart by having a presence that makes me feel like I can happy stim in front of you whilst we watch something together, by accepting the fact that you will probably come second to my fandoms/obsessions a lot of the time, by allowing me to be touchy and clingy at random moments for often a long period of time, by not judging that I can't do "normal everyday things" and helping me with them and by being weird. 

28. My mum, @maestrowave​, @in3ffable-husbands​, @fandom-0bsession​ and everyone else in my active group chats on Instagram, @britpop-bowie​, @esperata​ and some other people.

29. I don't know what I'm most scared of. 

30. I think I'm mostly happy. I have great friends, my education is probably headed in a direction that will allow me to progress into an industry I've wanted to work in since I was 9 and in two years' time I will hopefully be at uni and able to experiment with my transition without worrying about what my parents think.

[callsignbaphomet]

So I’m just gonna get right to the point. I love playing Skyrim, I love playing as my OCs in Skyrim. I especially love modding the living heck out of this game while playing as my OCs and pretty much living vicariously through them.

However, as much as I love this game IT IS SEVERELY LACKING IN LGBTQ+ CONTENT AND THE OPTION TO MARRY SOME CHARACTERS OF THE SAME GENDER AND ONE INSTANCE OF AN MLM COUPLE THROUGH A LETTER BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH DEAD AF IN THE DRAGONBORN DLC IS NOT ENOUGH FOR MY QUEER ASS!

So what to do? Mods! It’s 2020 and a lot more people are openly accepting and open-minded, right? So finding LGBTQ+ mods should be a lot easier, right? Eh.........no. I’ve spent several days trying to find mods to make my Skyrim playthrough as queer as I possibly can make it, specifically for my High Elf OC who is trans (FtM), very effeminate, has a none muscular body and build and very gay. I think now, after several days of research, tutorials, testing and an endless amount of headaches I think I have the mods to make my play through true to how I imagine and have written this character as.

Bare with me for a few seconds, I promise I’ll get to the point and this is worth reading. I’m trying to get as much information in this as possible.

Disclaimer:

This mod list is only for the PC version of the game. Look, I’m super, super sorry but basically over 95% of all these mods are exclusively found online and even if they ARE on beth.net they aren’t used at full capacity from what I understand. Believe me, as a mainly console player, it breaks my heart that I can’t include the consoles for this list.

I won’t be linking to just Nexus. I’ve found a bunch of mods outside of the Nexus that are reliable.

I’ll only be working with the Special Edition version of the game. It’s the one I have and am playing on.

I will NOT be covering female body replacers. At freakin’ all. There are literal dozens of mods covering this. There will only be ONE and it is for very specific reasons only.

In my little venture into finding these mods I came across a lot of homophobic, transphobic and downright disgusting comments within the Nexus. I also found out a lot of queer mod authors were driven out of the Nexus because of said homophobic people. This is what happened to Vector and also why SavrenX refuses to upload anything other than weapon, item retextures to the Nexus. Nexus users and community overall is very homophobic and toxic so I’m very sorry if you see or read something upsetting. I advice you avoid the comments (known as posts on Nexus) tab as to avoid seeing some vile shit. Ignore them and don’t engage them ffs, they just want a reaction out of you. There’s no correcting these assholes much less educating them. They ain’t worth your time. Just report and move on.

The majority of the mods linked in this post have been tried by me, if I haven’t tried them out I’ll say so. Again, I’m learning as I go along and believe me this hasn’t been an easy task to find all of these working mods.

No, I won’t be searching or uploading any ports, texture, mesh or mod edits I myself have done. I ain’t confident in how well I may have or not have edited the mods and more importantly that’s as bad as uploading art that wasn’t done by you. Sadly, you’ll have to do these changes yourself. I’ll try my best to link tutorials. Also don’t go and harass the authors for a port or an update ffs.

I’ll most likely be editing this list as I learn more.

Yes, I will leave links from adult sites. A lot of these sites pretty much force you to sign up in order for you to download their content. It’s fine, just make some random account and you’ll instantly gain access to the mods. Just know there’ll be nsfw images, gifs and videos everywhere in these sites.

While I will be referring to male characters a lot of these if not all can also cater to non-binary characters too!

No, I will not be covering sex mods. I have no intention of adding them to any of my load orders and I really don’t care to. You’re on your own for that category. Try Lover’s Lab.

*Body Mods/Replacers/Races:

Schlongs of Skyrim (aka SOS). Not the only choice out there but the most current and fully working one. Pretty much mandatory for a bunch of mods so might as well have it, ya know?

Tempered Skins for Males. Was known as Better Males; pairs up beautifully with SOS. Super amazing work if you ask me.

Shape Atlas for Men (aka SAM). This is literally the god king of all male body replacers. Want a twunk? This mod will do it. Want a regular Joe? This can do it. Want a bear of a man running around in Skyrim? Yeah, girl, this can do it. Ever since I discovered it I have been obsessed with it! HOWEVER, the full working mod is only available for Old Skyrim, maybe for Legendary Edition but I’m not sure. Vector said he had plans to port the full working mod to Special Edition but confessed he was having issues with the scripts. Also afaik Vector’s last updates on working on the mod were back in late 2016 so I think it’s safe to say this beautiful mod will never be seen running on SSE. Sadly Vector just up and left the modding scene somewhere in 2018. It none of our business but from what I read he faced a lot of homophobic harassment from people not liking his body mod or giving him shit because he didn’t want to make a female body mod. He even faced harassment from our very own community.

Not all’s lost though. Some of the amazing modders in Vector’s site have made a working version for SSE.

SAM Light, SAM Morphs for RaceMenu, SAM SE Vanilla Armor Refit, SAM High Poly Conversion, SAM Light Texture Add-on, High Poly Head

The Ultra Femme. Title should be super self-explanatory. Super good if your character is really femme or non-binary or trans. I haven’t tried out this body myself and I’m not entirely sure whether this is compatible with SE or not. RefurbMadness has a lot of mods hosted in her site and still has some in Nexus that are being hosted by the site’s Care Taker. I’m actually gonna link a few later. I honestly suggest going through her site and reading up everything. She’s pretty clear when it comes to instructions, the only problem is she’s not exactly clear on whether her mods are compatible with SE or not. Maybe it’s written somewhere in there, I’m still new to modding and need very clear descriptions (you kinda gotta talk to me like I’m 5 when it comes to mods). I need to check more of her content and test a bunch of things. She also has armor and clothing mods.

Milkdrinker Male Texture and Slim Male Body for SoS (<3<3<3). Both by the same mod author. Sadly only available for Old Skyrim but the only reason why I linked it is because both mods are super easy to convert to use for SSE. Sweetie, if I managed to do it, you can do it too. Watch this, or this or this or try to Google it and see what comes up. Personally I tried the Slim Male Body and it was pretty good. Unfortunately you’d have to refit all the armors to fit either body yourself.

Transgender Race and NPCS SSE. Like I said before I wasn’t going to link or talk about any female body replacers except for one. This one! Look, there are a few out there but they’re extremely transmisogynistic and fetishistic and use a lot of outdated and transphobic language plus they’re mostly sex mods so I will abso-freaking-lutely NOT be linking them. Anyway, the people behind this port are back to working on this mod and have plans for adding transgender men. As of now the mod only has transgender women. They can’t add more genders due to the engine limitations and FYI they used “race” in the title because this isn’t a body mod, it’s actually a race. This is one of the few mods that won’t play well with SoS.

There IS one more body or better said, race, I tried but I really didn’t like it. Mod worked as it was advertised but--well, whatever, it’s for personal reasons that I didn’t like it and it depended way too much on a lot of more mods and it bloated up my LO something fierce so for that reason I ain’t gonna link it. Mod’s called Femboy if you wanna give it a try yourself.

*Extras (edits, armors, clothes and more):

Enhanced Character Edit SE. Tl;dr this is like RaceMenu but on steroids. It offers way more sliders and because of this it has fantastic potential to mold your character’s body to your personal liking. I used this instead of RM for my High Elf I mentioned earlier. He has a more “delicate” frame and is much thinner than my other OCs and this mod did exactly what I’ve been trying to achieve for a very long time now. Works like a charm.

SSE Luscious Locks for All - Unisex KS Hair. Makes it so that male characters can use all the hair options that comes with KS Hairdos SSE. Guys with long hair! Yummy! <3

Oooooooorrrrrrr you can just install ApachiiSkyHair SSE which has a bunch of long hair options for men to look fabulously yummy! This is the one I’m using.

Femfeet Redesigned SSE Port For Everyone. Look, it’s a foot texture mod, that’s it. Works with Better Males aka Tempered Skins and SoS, so yes, your guys will have pretty feet. Load this AFTER you body mod of choice.

Apachii Divine Elegance Store. This store has so much to offer. Really beautiful clothes and armors, exceptional jewelry, wonderful accessories aaaaaand your male character can also use the nails that are offered by the mod. So if you want your male character to have some stunning and colorful manicures done this mod offers it. They also offer actual claws that also comes in different colors so you can have both styles. Look, imo this is a must for femme male and enby characters. Your guys are going to look beautiful!

Immersive Jewelry - Earring for Male Characters. This enables Immersive Jewelry earrings to be wearable and visible on male characters.

Light Elven Armor for Men, Light Glass Armor for Men, Light Daedric Armor for Men. Tired of women being the only ones to get skimpy outfits? Ja, me too! Here’s some of the armor mods RefurbMadness ported to SSE before she left Nexus. There’s more available for Old Skyrim but you’ll need to convert them over to SSE yourself.

Slof’s Lair. Slof has a collection of skimpy armors, some accessories and even modern clothes (if that’s your thing). They have a link to their Nexus profile on their page but instead of adding all the links I just figured to leave the link to their site so you can check everything they have to offer. I haven’t tried any of Slof’s mods myself though I’m super interested in the Just For Men collection of mods and the Goth Shop (chill, it’s mostly Tera armors without the need to download that massive Tera mod).

Tera Armors Collection - Special Edition. And here’s that massive mod I previously mentioned but it’s actually a really good one. I’ve tested this out on both pc and Xbox One and it looks gorgeous on both!

The Well Dressed Mage. Not exactly skimpy but kind of revealing. Idk, these look lovely af and I wanna try them on my Altmer. Maybe someone else will want to try these too.

Modular Bandoliers and Pauldrons for Males. Pretty simple and to the point. Haven’t tried it since it wouldn’t go with my elf’s more refined bitchy tastes.

Bad Dog’s Skimpy Clothes SE. Some skimpy outfits for guys that were converted over to SE apparently not too long ago.

Bodyslide and Outfit Studio. So none of the stuff listed above is to your liking. That’s where this comes in. Thing is you actually CAN convert female armors and clothes for male use. So download the armors and clothes you wanna use and throw them and the body meshes you use into Outfit Studio. I myself am still learning how to go about doing this and the tutorials out there are kinda hard to come by. Try this video. I followed it and managed to convert a female outfit to fit on a male body I was using. Still need a lot of practice though but am working on it.

As far as makeup goes you can edit the colors of your character’s eyeshadow, eyeliner, cheeks and lips but with ECE or RaceMenu you can edit the colors further. May need to do some extra hard tweaking some choices though, not gonna lie. If I find a much better option I’ll post it.

I’m currently trying to find how the heck to get male characters to wear heels or if there’s a mod that has it. Like, that’s the last thing I need to make clothes complete. I’ll get back to this when I find it.

*Animations:

FNIS PCEA2 - Player Exclusive Animations (Dynamic) SE. So you got your character, you’ve dressed them and done up their hair and all that and to this point it’s all come together perfectly...until your femme male/enby character or your butch female/enby character starts walking and standing idly by and the poses and animations are completely and utterly wrong. Why is he walking like an angry gorilla? Why is she walking like a Victoria’s Secret model down the walkway? Can you switch their animations?

YES!!!

PCEA2--and yes, you will need FNIS to get this working--allows you to make animation changes to only your character. You can even add and/or remove which animation packs you want your character to use! I’ve just barely begun testing this mod as well as adding some specific packs for my Altmer and the pretty female idles works like a charm for him. I downloaded FNIS Sexy Move SE to try this out on him and see if it works but according to Fore it should work as long as you installed everything correctly and ticked the appropriate box to activate the animation pack you want. I’m not entirely sure if you can customize the choices given by each animation pack, probably something as simple as deleting the animations you don’t want and leaving the one you do want. I’ll have to test this further.

*Gameplay and Voices:

Simply Gay Letters. Simple and sweet little mod that adds some letters in certain places all over Skyrim tying certain NPCs to other NPCs. The hinted at couples are all the mod author’s headcanons so if that bothers you I suggest moving on.

Queering Skyrim - Blueflower Necklace. Basically it stops female NPCs from showing interest in your male character when wearing an amulet of Mara. Queering Skyrim - Lavender Menace Necklace does the exact same thing but for female characters.

Same Sex Perks - A Lover’s Insight - Agent of Dibella - Allure. Y’all remember Confirmed Bachelor from New Vegas? Remember how no Beth game has put it in their games again but are totally adding some lazy attempts to include us LGBTQ+ folks? The author has a pretty clear and easy to understand description of the mod in the page. There’s also Gay Insight - A Lover’s Insight Tweak which does the same as the other one but much simpler. I guess it’s up to you and your tastes when it comes to which one to use. I myself am using Same Sex Perks since it adds other perks.

Player Voicesets for SSE - Custom Voice Version. I downloaded this but I haven’t installed it yet. If I understood correctly this lets you change your character’s voice to any of the in game voices. My advice? Go into the page and read everything.

PC Head Tracking and Voice Type SE. The reason I haven’t installed the previous mod is because I have THIS one installed because of the head tracking but it also comes with an added voice feature so this might clash with the other one. I still need to test whether they do the same thing or not.

Skyrim - Player Re-Voiced Series. CaseyTheVA was kind enough to make a bunch of voices for your character. Just your character. I’ve tested these on Xbox and they are legit really freakin’ good! They seem to have added a lot more since the last time I checked. Unfortunately these are only available on beth.net or for Old Skyrim on the Nexus. You could just download them from the game’s mod page and remove the files and upload them back into the game using whatever mod manager you use. I did this with Cheat Room. Or you can port them yourself from Nexus. Honestly the quality alone is worth all the trouble.

[slutforalistairtheirin]

The Proud and the Prejudiced. (Logince)

Inspired by: https://mayflowers07.tumblr.com/post/186222058356/yall-wanna-hear-an-angsty-prompt-i-just-came-up

Roman

It feels good to be able to push my parents out of my head for today. A lot of people my age hate school.  For me, it’s probably the only place I can be myself. People accept and love me for who I am. Hell, this school even has an annual pride fest. We hold it on the football field. We get to carry flags and paint our faces. It’s really awesome, honestly.

Every year, my friend Grace drags me around to each event. I preferred to spend my time eyeballing the football players, but that raging lesbian does not understand. Her exact words are always: “Jocks aren’t even your type, Roman. You’re into the nerds.” I always shake my head and pout in response.  She doesn’t have to be so right all the time. 

Today, she immediately dragged me to the face painting booth. She goes first, so I have time to really soak in the event. As I look around, I notice Logan- the guy I’ve had a crush on since seventh grade- who also happens to be the yearbook’s event photographer- taking pictures.  He looks absolutely breathtaking today. The fancy camera hanging around his neck, his slender hands adjusting his glasses, the gentle breeze blowing through those soft, brown locks of hair- OH SHIT HE’S COMING OVER HERE.

My thoughts were immediately interrupted when he walked over to ask if he could take a picture of Grace’s face paint.  She happily accepts. 

“My only condition is that Roman is in the picture too.” She shoots a subtle wink at me, seeing my face turn pink. 

“Oh- um- okay-” I don’t really have time to consider it. Logan smiles and nods, Grace grabs my arm and yanks me over to her, and Logan snaps the picture. 

Throughout the rest of the festival, I can only think about Logan’s smile. 

-

I get home after school and quickly run to the bathroom.  My parents aren’t home yet, so I have time to wash off all the glitter and face paint. I splash cold water on my face and rub until my skin turns red. After, I go to my room and tuck my rainbow flag, socks, and sunglasses under my bed. Just in time, too. 

I hear the front door slam and my dad’s work boots stomp in.  He’s yelling about something. My mom’s heels click softly on the hardwood floor, barely audible over his shouts. 

“They have NO BUSINESS subjecting our Lord and Savior to displays of perverse “affection” to the same sex! It’s blasphemous! It’s wrong! Those parents have failed. Entertaining the idea that it’s okay? Those kids need to be taken away from them and given a proper beating.” 

I bite my lip.  I should be used to this by now.  I hear his boots clomping down the hall towards my room, so I quickly shut off the lights and pretend to be asleep. There’s no way in hell I can deal with this today. He swings the door open and I flinch, squeezing my eyes shut and facing away from him. 

“Oh.” He mutters. “Long day I suppose.  I’ll wake you up for dinner.” He shuts the door behind him. 

It really was a long day. After a few minutes, I drift off into a light sleep. 

‘You disgust me, do you hear? You disgrace our family and you’re breaking your mother’s heart! GET OUT!’ 

My body shakes and tears spill down my face.

‘You’re my dad! You’re supposed to love me no matter what!’ I shout back at him. 

‘I don’t have a son anymore.’ He says, an ice cold tone lacing his voice. He raises his hand and-

“Roman, sweetie! Time for dinner!” My mom knocks on the door.  I sit straight up and bed and try to level my breathing.  I wipe the tears from my face and send Virgil a text.  Besides Grace, Virgil is my best friend.  He knows how to calm me down because he suffers from severe anxiety, too.  The only difference is that his dad is accepting.  

Emoxx: Hey princey, what’s up?

Royal Pain: Bad dream. You know the one. 

Emoxx: Oh baby I’m sorry, do you need to call?

Royal Pain: Can’t, dinner. I just need to calm down. 

Emoxx: Okay, what do you need from me?

Royal Pain: Can you come over tonight? It’s a Friday, my parents won’t care. 

Emoxx: Sure thing, love.  I’ll be there in an hour.  We can eat junk food and talk about boys. <3

I smile and shut my phone off.  Virgil always knows how to make things better. I get off my bed and go to my kitchen, where my  parents are waiting. My mom smiles when she sees me and my dad barely acknowledges me. Sometimes I wonder if my dad weren’t in the picture, if my mom would be accepting.  Maybe she’s just scared of him.  I guess I’ll never know. 

“Hey mijo, how was school? You seemed real tuckered out.  Long day?” Mom asks. She could do so much better than my dad. I mean, my mom looks like she came straight out of a fairytale. Smooth olive skin, perfectly wavy, chestnut colored hair, gorgeous brown eyes.  I don’t know how he won her over. 

“Yeah, mama. Lots of tests.” My memory flicks back to Logan taking the picture of Gracie and I. Lots of tests indeed. My dad doesn’t like when my mom and I speak Spanish, so we stopped trying to avoid his daunting stare. Sometimes, she manages to sneak little words in there and blames it on habit. I still don’t understand why she married him. “Oh, Virgil is coming over tonight.  I hope that’s okay.” 

“Virgil! Oh save him some chicken, amor, he’s so skinny.” My mom says, already standing up to put some in the microwave for him. 

“Virgil, huh.  Is that the little emo kid? Are you sure he’s not a homo? He seems a little fruity to me.” He always finds the best ways to ruin my mood.  “Dad, that’s kind of rude.” I say, before I can stop myself. Thankfully, I find a way to save it before I get yelled at. “I mean. it’s rude to insinuate that I would be friends with someone.. of that orientation.” The words sting to say, the feel like poison in my throat. 

My dad nods. “Good.” 

I don’t really have an appetite, so I nibble on a few things and then I put my plate in the microwave with the one my mom made for Virgil.  

“I’m gonna... go clean up my room a bit before Virgil gets here.” My room is actually perfectly tidy, but I don’t want to be in the same room as the devil himself anymore. 

As soon as I get back to my room, I lay down and think about the good memories of today. I think about Logan.  I think about how cute he looks with that camera. I think about all the good pictures from today.  I think about how they’ll be posted on the school instagram. 

Wait a second. 

They’ll be posted on the school instagram. 

The one that my parents follow.

The one that my dad follows. 

There’s no way they can see the pictures of me.  Dad might actually kill me. Like, he will tear me limb from limb and put my head on a fence post outside. I start to panic. I can’t breath, I can’t think, I barely even notice when Virgil opens my bedroom door. 

“Woah, Roman, breath.” Virgil kneels beside the bed, forcing me to look at him. He takes my hands and breathes with me. “Everything is okay, everything will be okay.  You just have to breath.” Once my breathing slows down, he sits on the bed beside me, still holding one of my hands. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” 

I tell him everything.  I tell him all about today, about Logan, about the pictures, about the instagram, about my dad, and about my dream. He nods and listens the whole time. He also cracks a smile when I tell him what my dad said about him. 

“What if we just message the school’s instagram? I’m sure they won’t post them if we explain why.” Virgil offers a suggestion. 

“If they haven’t posted them already, that might work.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and open instagram. I start typing out a message to the school’s account. 

RomanPrincexo: Hi, sorry to bother, but I was at the pride fest today and I just thought that there might have been some pictures taken of me.  I was hoping to ask that you don’t post them. My parents are raging homophobes and I could be in very big trouble if they saw. 

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: Hey Roman! Thank you for voicing your concerns.  Any pictures that might have you in them will not be posted.  Your safety is of utmost importance.

RomanPrincexo: Thank you <3.  You have no idea how much that means to me. 

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: It’s no problem.  I’m sorry about your parents, that really sucks. 

RomanPrincexo: Oh, I’m used to it. 

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: You shouldn’t have to be.  You’re a great person, you don’t deserve the way that.

RomanPrincexo: Thank you, but if it wasn’t me, it would be someone else. 

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: No one deserves that.  Just know that you’re loved. 

“Hey Virge?” 

“Yeah?”

“Who runs the school instagram?” 

Virgil wrinkles his nose. “I’m not sure.  It’s rumored that it could be Mr. Sanders, the drama teacher.  Or Logan. Or possibly Valerie.  No one is for sure, though. Why?” 

I show Virgil the messages and a look appears on his face.  I can’t quite place my finger on it before he takes out his phone and starts typing.  His poker face is terrible, so when he grins that mischievous little grin of his, I know immediately that he’s up to something.  I try to look at what he’s doing but he sits on his phone. 

“Nope! No peeking!” He giggles.  “Just keep messaging.” There’s something in his eyes that I can’t read. I shake my head and turn back to my phone. 

RomanPrincexo: I appreciate it. I was wondering, who runs this account? 

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: I’m not supposed to tell. 

RomanPrincexo: Oh, okay. 

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: Maybe I’ll break some rules for you later, though. ;) 

RomanPrincexo: It’s okay, I don’t want you to get into any trouble. 

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: I won’t, trust me.  I have the whole school board in my back pocket.  They adore me. Do you still need to talk about anything?

Something in me makes me trust this mystery person.  It could be Mr. Sanders, or Logan, or Valerie.  Either way, what’s the harm in venting a little? I trust all of them. 

RomanPrincexo: Actually, kind of.

LincolnHighOfficialInsta: I’m all ears. 

I end up spilling all of it to them, maybe skipping over the part about Logan, just in case.  I do mention him, but not with the same wording I used for Virgil. After that, I shut my phone off and give them time to really read it and turn back to Virgil. 

“I’m safe.” I tell him. 

He smiles. “Good.  My dad says you can come home with me tomorrow, by the way. So you can have a break from your parents.” 

I love Virgil’s dad. He’s super sweet and kind of young. He has light brown hair and large, round glasses.  He has freckles all across his face.  Honestly, I wish I could just move in with them. 

“Awesome, I will.”

“Hey, are we going to the debate tournament tomorrow? Logan’s in it.” Virgil smirks. 

Obviously Logan’s in it.  He’s the smartest guy in our school.

“Do I have to watch Dee and Remus flirt with him the whole time again?”

Virgil chuckles. “More like flirt at him. He always ignores them, remember?” 

“Okay, fine. We can go.”

---

Logan

The message from Roman is heartbreaking. I’m honestly considering telling him that it’s me, just so I can offer more comfort.  I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to express my feelings for him.  Every time I see him, the words bubble up in my mouth like boiling water, ready to spill over.  When I finally go to say them, they stop boiling. 

If the best I can do for him is be anonymous, then so be it. I type out a supportive message and a quick goodnight, and then I shut my phone off and go to bed.  I have a debate tournament tomorrow and an unbeaten streak to keep up.

---

Roman

“Virge hurry up!” 

“Roman, these boots take time to lace up! You just want to see your true love!” 

“It’s not my fault you dress like a 2000s MySpace emo.”

“As if you don’t dress like a wannabe Broadway star?” 

“I am a wannabe Broadway star, thank you very much.”

“Yeah whatever. Let’s go.” 

We started walking to the school, where the debate tournament was conveniently being held. We arrived just in time to see Logan getting out of his car.  He spots us and waves. 

My heart does somersaults, but on the outside I just smile and wave back. To our surprise, instead of going inside, he walks over to us.  Well, to my surprise, at least.  Virgil seemed to be expecting it.  In fact, he just kept walking, leaving me alone with Logan. He shoots me a wink before going inside. 

“Hey Roman, can I talk to you?” 

I can feel my heart threatening to break through my ribs. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?” I manage to get out, even though I can feel my lungs struggling to hold oxygen. 

He smiles that damn smile. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed pretty worried yesterday.” He must have seen the confused look on my face, because he continued after a moment. “Oh, I guess I should clarify.  I run the school’s instagram account.” 

“You- you do?” He nods. “Yeah. I’m alright.  Just a bit of a scare, I suppose. I appreciated your help, though.” I’m very upset with the sun for making my blushing face perfectly visible. 

“It was no problem.  I care about you.” There’s something different in his smile now.  Something I can’t name. 

“I- uh- I care about you too.” Why must I be so nervous around him?

“I don’t think you understand what I meant.” He steps closer to me and I lock eyes with him. Those beautiful, beautiful eyes. 

“What did you mean?” I can’t prevent my eyes from wandering around his face and eventually falling on his lips. He’s close enough that I can feel his breathing now.

“I meant-” He pauses, I can almost hear the gears turning in his brain.  It seems like he’s trying to find the right words. He shakes his head. “Is this okay?” He cups my face with one of his hands and all I can manage to do is nod. “I meant that I love you, Roman.” He finally forces the words out.  

My jaw falls open and I take a deep breath. “You... do? I mean- I mean I love you too! You’re serious right? This isn’t a joke?” 

“No, it’s not a joke.  Can I prove it to you?” 

I’m not sure what he means by that, but I nod anyway. 

He leans down and kisses my gently, his free hand finding its way to my hips.  My eyes flutter shut and I kiss him back.  It’s a little bit awkward at first, since I’ve never kissed anyone.  We figure it out after a moment or so, though. His lips are soft and they feel perfect against my own. He smells like cinnamon and vanilla, and something herbal. His hand softly caresses my face and he pulls away.  He gently leans his forehead against mine, both of us breathing heavily. 

“So, do you believe me?” He whispers, amused. 

“I do.”

---

Gosh. this was longer than I intended.  Honestly, I’m really proud of it.  It’s making me feel things in my heart. I also kind of made Logan suaver than I meant to, but I think it’s fine. 

@mayflowers07

[noddytheornithopod]

Started chapter 2 of V3!

So... what the heck was that intro to chapter 2? Who were those people talking when mourning Kaede?

Interestingly my attitudes on the characters are kind of shifting. Kaito I don’t like as much as I used to because some of the macho manliness stuff just rubs me the wrong way. I like Tenko even less at this point, I’m tired of this straw-feminist shtick. Angie I’ve just become numb to and am all “oh guess we’re stuck with miss racial stereotype”. Kokichi hasn’t changed much, sometimes he’s annoying, sometimes he’s amusing and/or intriguing. Korekiyo has been growing on me, I like his whole weird anthropology and effeminate attitude thing. Miu has grown lesser in my favourite books, though surprisingly I still don’t outright dislike her.

Okay if Tenko and Teruteru are like polar opposites that still reach unlikeability what happens when they meet?

Everyone loves Kirumi! Who wants to bet she dies soon? :v

What IS with the “horse a” carving anyway?

Wow, Shuichi doesn’t eat breakfast... I’m guilty of that more than I’d like to be.

I forgot to mention last time that macho man aside, seeing Kaito really take Kaede’s words to heart was sweet. Seeing him apologise for the punch was cool too.

Okay Kokichi is definitely this game’s Byakuya and pre-Peko death Fuyuhiko analogue (the latter is funny because apparently they have the same English VA). He’s still hard to read, but he doesn’t seem like he’s up for being a team player. Also... he had a pretty creepy yet amusing face in the first trial... here in the dining hall, he takes it even further by basically having his face enveloped in shadow and honestly it’s just creepy. He feels like the obvious choice as the mastermind if it’s one of the students, but given how antagonistic he already is I kinda doubt it as well, with outwardly antagonistic characters in DR they never end up being the actual big bad from the looks of it. Also, he’s supreme leader of an evil organisation... what if he’s just the leader of an army of Internet trolls? :v He has the perfect personality for one.

So now we have to use basically keys to unlock new areas, heh. Was a bit taken back initially, but it does kind of add more immersion to be honest.

Come to think of it, why aren’t everyone’s labs available from the start? I mean, we see what is presumably Shuichi’s even in the first chapter and it’s still unavailable to visit.

Monokubs are getting heated with each other, Monosuke seems pissed about Monokid’s death but the others don’t mind, especially Monodam. Monodam is still the best one, being more assertive has kept him just as fun as before.

Okay so they bring up Jack the Ripper when they go to Kirumi’s lab... um, is this the serial killer of the game? A Jack the Ripper wannabe? Weird if it’s the case.

Maki has probably been the most forgettable character so far, but one still has to wonder what’s in her room. I imagine she’s probably just sensitive because of her dislike of being a child caregiver despite it being her talent.

Okay, Miu, I’m pretty sure saying two men should just go in a shower sexually as a mean spirited joke is homophobic.

Aww, Ryoma seems sad about tennis. He feels trapped whether he’s in this game or in actual prison. Also ouch, he actually admits he doesn’t want to survive the whole killing game. Seriously I bet he does have some tragic backstory. Don’t tell me he’s gonna be one of the survivors because he’s fine with dying too. :v

On the other hand, with the way he’s drawn seeing Ryoma’s dramatic reaction to Miu’s still awful and in poor taste joke is pretty hilarious, his face still lacks a lot of expression but it has JUST enough to convey a feeling. I like him TBH. I keep forgetting he’s still a teen too, even though he sounds and acts far older (unless he got held back or something, I mean I’m preeeety sure Himiko is still a kid).

A swimming pool... I worry about what this could mean down the line. Also I am NOT buying that key of love or whatever it’s called.

A casino... Monokuma encourages gambling... oh wait he actually freaking does. RIP poor Kaito. Sometimes you’re recklessness doesn’t help you, dude. Though his super dramatic expression is hilarious.

Kaito reminds me a lot of Poe Dameron actually, I mean he’s even the ultimate astronaut.

Okay, the big thing... they get more memories back. However... are they really getting memories back? I mean, they went all in with the truth and lies in the trial, so one has to wonder if they’re really regaining memories or it’s just fabricating even more of a past for them.

That being said, with what we have, it seems like them all lacking talents at the start was because they erased their memories to hide from the Ultimate Hunt? Given they’re focusing on their talents, one has to wonder if the Ultimate Hunt is tied to the Tragedy, because I mean, it does sound like what happened there. Common people rebelling against those seen and promoted as talented to the point where a part of the Tragedy is basically the genocide of those seen as talented fits all this pretty well. Of course, more info will probably completely recontextualise this, but I’m surprised at how well this fits.

Was the technology they used to erase their memories of their talented selves Neo-World related? Shuichi with the machine looked just like when we saw Kaede with it.

With this stuff we found, it’s looking more and more like Rantaro basically had his remembering process fucked up somehow, hence not remembering his talent but the Ultimate Hunt (and I guess anything else he knows).

What the fuck was the line of Shuichi wanting to die with everyone else about when we saw that flashback of the memory wipe?

Okay so this is pretty weird... so if the Monokubs used the remembering machine to make them remember their talents, it also means that somehow led them to forgetting that they lost them? So it made them remember AND forget so their minds would be pre-Hunt essentially? Of course, assuming this isn’t some brainwashing bullshit that’s implanting fake memories altogether.

Did some more free times with Tsumugi because she’s adorable, and I’m seeing an interesting duality. On one hand, she seems to view herself as plain and it feels like she cosplays to try and gain attention (or emphasizing plainness is in its own way a ploy for attention)? On the other, she seems to hate cosplayers who get caught up in their own self-image and get into drama, treating it more serious when the real joy is just dressing as characters you like, and as a result prefers making costumes to wearing them.

I’m up to a rather intriguing point where the Monokubs leave something for Shuichi it seems... but that will have to wait.

Also I can’t believe I forgot about Ryoma pointing out the now I realise really obvious symbolism with Shuichi’s hat and how he’s kinda shielding himself from reality, lol.

[arashi-no-megami]

So I wrote a fic based around the first part of this prompt that I got from @intyruswestan !! Here’s the link if you wanna play around with it yourself~

(Homophobia, cursing)

*******

TJ slowly flipped through the box of discounted records that sat outside of the Red Rooster. He started humming the tune of a song he recognized as he looked at each title. He thought that there might be some more records inside, so he pushed open the door to the music shop and walked in. To his surprise, he ran into Andi and an older looking woman, probably in her early 30’s.

“TJ? I didn’t know you were into music!” Andi cheerfully greeted the tall boy.

“Oh...hey, Andi. I was just checking out the records,” TJ awkwardly smiled back.

“Heyyyy, aren’t you that kid who wouldn’t pass Buffy the ball?” The older woman who was with Andi folded her arms with a raised eyebrow and a playful smile.

“Hahaha...yeah, that’s me...” TJ rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his shoes.

“I’m Andi’s mom. You can call me Bex,” the woman smiled and extended her hand. TJ looked back up at her and shook her hand with a polite smile.

“TJ. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

*A week later*

TJ was sitting at a table in his living room, scrolling through his phone while his parents watched some random Lifetime movie on TV. He pretended not to be interested in the movie, but he actually was listening and following the story. The movie was about a high school boy, not too much older than him, who was trying to make it through school while being bullied for being gay. This boy was in a relationship with another boy, and even though it came with sometimes unbearable consequences, TJ wanted that for himself more than anything. He’s had a secret crush on Cyrus for a good while now, and it only upset him more that he couldn’t be honest with his feelings. All because he was scared of what other people would think of him. He sighed and continued scrolling through his phone. The dialogue in the next scene that played was what got TJ to look up at the screen. The two boys were sitting on a bed, one of them crying.

“I don’t care what names I get called or how many times I get stuffed into lockers. All I care about is being able to be with you,” the Indian boy with glasses told the shorter Blond boy. The Blond boy wiped his tears and smiled weakly at his boyfriend. TJ could feel his heart beat faster as the Indian boy brought his hand up to the shorter boy’s face. The couple on the TV screen shared a short, but emotional kiss, and TJ could feel tears welling up in his eyes. This beautiful moment was ruined when he heard his father’s rough voice groan loudly.

“Ugh, I can’t believe they’d show this shit on television. What if other kids saw this and thought it was okay?”

TJ felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“Aw, I think it’s cute, honey,” TJ’s mother replied, without looking away from the screen.

“Cute, my ass! Imagine having a son, raising him into a fine young man, only for him to go and like other boys. It’s fucking disgusting; my head hurts just thinking about it!” TJ’s father rubbed his temples and slouched back in the sofa.

TJ bit his lip and felt the once-happy tears flow down his cheeks. He quickly wiped his face and got up from his chair as fast as he could. Both his parents turned around at the sudden noise and saw TJ heading for the front door.

“Timmy? What’s wrong, sweetie?” His mother called after him. TJ stopped in his tracks, but didn’t turn around.

“What’s the matter, son?” His father stood up and asked sternly. TJ just shook his head and reached for the door knob.

“Timothy James Kippen, answer me when I talk to you,” his father’s voice boomed. TJ sighed and turned around. His eyes went from the TV screen, to his parent’s faces, to the floor. His father noticed, looked back at the screen, and saw the two boys hugging each other tightly. He realized his son had been crying, and made the connection.

“Son, you...you aren’t...gay...are you?” TJ didn’t respond. He just kept his gaze on the floor. His father grew angrier with every passing second.

“Answer me.”

TJ felt all his emotions come out at once.

“SO WHAT IF I AM!?” TJ flung the door open and stormed out, slamming it behind him. He felt the tears flowing freely and started to run. Where was he going? He had no idea. As long as it was far, far away from his father.

TJ found himself at the playground, where he first spoke to Cyrus. Cyrus. He tried to see if he could text him, but his phone’s battery was dead. He sat down on the swings, exhausted from running all the way from home. It was early evening, and the sun was about ready to set. TJ didn’t move his feet to start swinging, he just sat there, bawling his eyes out. By some weird twist of fate, he heard his name being called.

“TJ?” The basketball player looked up and saw...Andi’s mother walking towards him?? Bex was walking home and happened to pass the playground, where she noticed TJ sitting by himself.

“Hey, TJ, are you alright?” Bex asked worriedly. TJ looked back down and shook his head. Bex looked around and sat at the swing beside him.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Bex offered quietly. Was this really a good idea? Probably not, but there was literally nobody who would listen to him at this very moment. His phone died, so there was no calling Cyrus. He took a deep breath and looked over to the older woman. She gave him a reassuring smile, and TJ nodded.

“My parents just found out something about me that I didn’t want them to find out, and I’m scared. I kinda just...ran away,” TJ explained as he kicked at the wood chips at his feet.

“Really...was it a bad something?” Bex frowned.

“I don’t think it should be. But my dad is really against it...I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to face him again.” TJ felt the familiar sting of tears again, and he closed his eyes. Bex had an idea what this was about, but didn’t want to force TJ to tell her if he didn’t want to.

“Huh...well, whatever it is, your dad’s gonna have to accept it, because it’s part of who you are. And nothing can ever change that,” Bex said softly, while studying TJ’s face. TJ looked over at her with his mouth slightly open.

“Yeah...yeah, you’re right. It’s just that...” TJ took another deep breath, “I-I’m gay...and my dad is really homophobic. T-there was a movie playing on TV about a gay kid and my dad started saying stuff like ‘it’s disgusting’ and ‘I can’t imagine having a son who turned out to like other boys.’ I panicked and just ran out...” Bex got up from her swing and pulled the slightly taller boy up from his swing into a hug. TJ was surprised, but relaxed into the hug and buried his face into Bex’s shoulder. Here he was, hugging and crying on his crush’s best friend’s mother’s shoulder. It should have felt super weird, but it was extremely comforting. Bex pulled away from the hug and held TJ’s shoulders. She looked straight into his eyes, and softly said, “TJ, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s part of who you are. And whoever can’t accept that doesn’t deserve to be in your life.”

TJ stared at Bex for a second, and smiled with relief.

“Thank you...Ms. Bex,” the boy hugged her again.

“Oh, no, please, it’s just Bex,” she laughed. She noticed how dark it was getting, and then remembered that Andi was staying by Cece and Pops’ house tonight.

“If you need somewhere to crash for tonight...my apartment isn’t huge but it’s something at least,” TJ smiled at Bex’s suggestion.

“I’d really appreciate that, Bex.”

She put her hand on his shoulder and walked him to her apartment.

[survivormanhattanbeach]

Episode 3: “She hates girls”- Dani

I AM PISSED. I AM SO MAD AT BRANDAN RIGHT NOW. WHAT THE HECK. I WAS TOTALLY TRANSPARENT WITH HIM. HONESTLY??? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUtT FLIPPING WITH HIM AND JULIAN IFFFFF THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED ME. AND JULIAN?? I TOLD HIM I HEARD HIS NAME, I TOLD HIM. WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME FOR BEING HONEST??? I'm so glad I have Lucy and Andreas but Brandan better waTCH OUT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST WITH HIM. WHAT THE HECK i'm sorry, i'm just so MAD right now

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO all my alliance members are on different tribes, I am so sad. ALso I'm with Brandan. -___________- I don't know who else is even on my tribe. I like Kevin and the others are all okay but UGH WHY BRANDAN WHEN I AM SO IRRITATED WITH HIM STILL?? bring me back lucy and andreas :( 

Okay so yay for a tribe swap but uhm it's kinda homophobic that not only am I not on a tribe with Dani or Ryan, but that I can't even speak to them now!! I'm still drinking with Dani on Saturday though so suck it hosts. This tribe is alright, like I said not my favorite set up but I don't feel completely screwed. I'm with Joey which is good because he's loyal to me, but people are going to assume we're working together since he picked me, also he isn't good at talking to new people so idk if that's gonna end up bad for us lolol. But yay for being on a tribe with Sarah! Idk she's iconic and I'd like to work with her. I talked to Andreas for a bit and he was nice, I'd hope we could work together. I started talking to Junior again before the swap so I don't feel completely off on him. Billy is the only one I've barely talked to, but he was on Sarah's old tribe so I think they're gonna stick together??? I just hope that we can win some challenges so that I don't have to worry.

when trace and johnny give you lemons.... (ie- brandan) you make lemonade. I am currently kissing brandan's ASS right now. i told him that if he and julian asked me to flip i would have and all kinds of other lies just because i don't need any drama with him on this tribe going forward, I NEED numbers so whatever i'm going to be his new best friend and pretend to forget about tribal but I'm still PISSED. 

This tribe swap is fucking disgusting. Why do i have to be on a tribe with junior. Im just glad jake is here and maybe him, billy and i can work together and grab someone else to work with us if we go to tribal 

Okay so last night I was on call with Joey and he was like "someone told me you wanted to vote me out round 1" and I was like yeah it's true but you didn't have to say it. And big surprise it was Keaton that told him this. So now it's a new day and lo and behold I'm on a tribe with Keaton's snake ass and as much as I don't trust him I have to play nice because the boy knows WAY too much about my game and my personal life for me to risk crossing him so basically I just go from one migraine to another bouncing between my exes. If I get swap fucked I will be showing up in Johnny's PMs with virtual pitchforks. xoxo Madison

https://youtu.be/5oLRQqS00UU

VL Confessional Cause you tried to play both sides You got caught up in your lies And now you're runnin' You're runnin' out of time Try again, cause the game is over https://imgflip.com/gif/2vicz3

Wtf! Why did we switch tribes right as I felt so good????? Now I’m in a tribe where I feel like I can’t connect to anyone except dan and sometimes Tom. I made an alliance with Tom, Madison, and Dan. I’m trying to ensure our safety Incase we do go to tribal. Keaton came to me and said he wants to target Madison and honestly I’m really down for that. So I think I can use this as an advantage. I can either tell Madison Keaton is after him and we get him. Or I can team up with Keaton and Lucy and get one other person to flip and we get Madison. Tbh only down for Madison because she doesn’t seem to like me at all. I’ve also heard she hates girls. Which is a little obvious :p. I hate that. GIRLS GOTTA PROTECT GIRLS. But nooooo she loves attention. Ok ranting done.

VL CONFESSIONAL I feel like Jake is my #1, but Dani is visiting him today(lucky girl.) I feel like I would do a disservice to a majority of straight men in this game if I didn’t hum the intro to “Ether” at least once. Also, fuck Jay-Z.

Heya, time for a little update! As of now, I am getting a little frustrated with my tribe (love Jake though). But before I get carried away, let's see how well we do in the immunity challenge. I am not sold on the song choice, but I appreciate that a few people give active input. I'll do my part as best as I can and hope that it'll be enough for at least 2nd place... Should we lose, I'll try to get a solid group with Jake and Junior, and add a player, who one of the other three wanna vote for. At this point, none of Joey, Sarah or Billy play a major role for my future plans in this game. Billy could become a close ally as he seems to be very underrated in this game. Sarah could become a close ally because she's a cool cat. Joey idk about. We're not bonding that well rn. 

I have no faith in my tribe at all I somehow feel like this video is about to be 3 minutes of just me and a cameo of mark and his adorable kids x_x Time to make my cousins make some videos with me so I have a lot to edit in because I SURE can’t rap in time with this song 

Okay Isaac is sending weird clips of himself from challenges I’m not sure if that will cut it but I’ll take whatever I can edit together at this point DJSJS

Me seeing the other videos and prepping to go to tribal... also a picture of Tom booty poppin should be on the dvd cover

VL CONFESSIONAL THANK YOU JUDGESSSSSSSSSS! YOU GUYS ROCK! JESS LET ME BUY YOU A BUNCH OF TIM HORTONS. Alyssa, fried chicken at Red Rooster on me when I visit😃?

I know I haven’t been around much. But I hate this swap. I hate this tribe. I know NO ONE who I feel will be willing to keep me safe with them. So I actually have to work hard to talk to people. Music videos are not my forte. But I have to contribute because if we lose then I’ll be someone on the chopping block for sure. And I can’t have that. I’m just hopping we can slam challenges and then we can make it to the next swap. But I hope Sarah and Jake stay close with me. I really like them both. Jake is really cool to talk to and he’s not bad to look at either. Sarah is my soul sister. Then there’s Joey, who has this plan to get rid of Andreas and honestly I’m kinda ok with it. Anyone but me is how I’m feeling. I just gonna find somewhere to sink my teeth into this game and take a bite. I don’t want to be a background day player with no story line and shitty gameplay.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=zfISjcq23KU

Okay so I think I'm gonna go for Billy this round. I didn't want to lose because I think I have good connections with everyone on our tribe, but someone's gotta go. Billy makes me worried now because he said in our tribe chat that Tom told him we lost, so bitch you cross tribaling??? Andreas and Junior both told me they like me and each other so I think they're trying to form a group of 3 there? Sarah also said she liked me and Billy and I like Sarah but it might be hard trying to get her to vote Billy out. Joey originally said he wanted Andreas out and that he likes Billy, but Billy told me and Junior that Joey was spreading Andreas name, so I let Joey know that Billy's doing that, and I think Joey trusts him less now. We'll see what happens. I just don't my name going around like last time. I just need another tribe swap ASAP.

So now were going to tribal bc johnny announced the results wrong. Johnny is a pissy player and cant stand when other hosts mess up but wants us to understand when he does..hm TEA Anyways ill see what i can do to make sure I do not go home. I think i have junior, and jake and billy but we shall see

Literally fuck off. HOW IS IT FAIR THAT THE HOSTS fucked up and they wont give us an extension??? INTERESTING????????? Why does one tribe get over a day and we get less than 12 hours..lol ok what ever maybe get your fucking shit together before fucking over ppls games 

Well look at it, we lost again. Great! Just great! And people seem to be thrilled to go to Tribal Council! They're so excited that they throw the challenges! So me being a straight shooter, I immediately target Billy, who has slacked the most on this new tribe and would be a fair call (on paper). But it's only natural that people have their own agenda and I am being targeted by Joey and Billy at least. Sure, Joey might still be up in the air, but either way, I NEED to believe in Jake and Junior here to vote for for Billy, or I am toast. And if Billy doesn't step up next round, so are Jake and Junior. I have nothing against Billy, but this season we don't really get along too well. We had a fun chat today, but it felt like it was too little to late for me in this season. Let's see what happens in this mess of a round :D Love Johnny though, I don't blame him. I really wanna stay and fight for all the people on my tribe to stay in this game!

Ok, so as per usual in premerge, my fate rests within other peoples hands. That's just how I play and that's totally okay with me. The scenarios I can see are: 4-2 Billy/Me (which is what's being sold to me sort of with Billy and Sarah voting for me) 4-2 Me/Billy (if Jake sticks to Joey and they decide to ride the tide and vote out Billy over Junior if they lose another TC) 5-1 Me/Billy (if they all wanna be safe lmao, but Junior seems really sincere, so I doubt this happens!) I can't scramble too hard at this vote, because I really feel that Jake wants to keep me around and me reaching out to others will make me appear like a bigger name to write down. I 50:50 Hate/Love each tribe I'm on and I hate that I am such a sulky old man in this season, but that's just a new facette of good old me.

https://youtu.be/i6ZY0hrvDaM

I am SO glad that we won! the judges were HARSH, huh? But it's okay, we still won! I really hope that andreas is going to be okay tonight, I'm just a little worried but I think maybe Billy will be the one to go?? Maybe. 

I fucking wrote out a long ass confessional and then it refreshed and I wanna die, so here are the highlights: I love how Johnny has progressed enough in life to recruit 5 iconic female judges in the name of feminism, but has not progressed enough to perform basic arithmetic I want the f5 to be original Robinsons and I trust them as follows: Mark > Dani = Ryan > Junior I want a f3 with Mark and Junior because Dani is a big social threat and I would always vote for a woman over a man because fuck men, and it’s like the laws of feminism I’m really happy I haven’t had to go to tribal yet, let’s keep it moving and NO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE TRIBALS PLSSSS

It looks like this is a wrap y’all. Unless sarah actually pulled some miracle out of her ass and convinced them all to vote Andreas then it’s time to blow my flame out. I’ve been on the outs ever since I was picked last. So I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise. 

[ancient-depressed-druid]

Tyrus Week, Day One (Crush): Girls/Girls/Boys And Whatever More You Like

please read the whole thing, this is more about establishing TJ as a character and human being than just your average tyrus fluff since this is the part one of seven works set on the same timeline

Shit shit shit, fuck, fuck, shit TJ thought as he ran through the halls of Jefferson middle as if he had an angry mob behind him. His head filled with worry for all the suicide drills the coach was surely making his teammates run thanks to his lateness, he then groaned thinking about the complains he was to hear in the locker room after the practice, he felt like a shit of a captain, and all of that together will buffy leaving the team thanks to him.

Arriving at the gym, already wearing his basketball uniform, the boy quickly marched to the coach and his assistant, both looking at the team running back and front in the court.  

“Ah, kippen,” the coach said not even looking to Tj before he kept talking “you see, I thought you wanted to keep being team captain, but your actions don’t really show it… damned moment Slayer went away”.

Tj’s face contracted a little, but he swallowed his rude answer, Cyrus was trying to make him act a little better, instead, he only stood in front of the two men and pleaded “I'm so so sorry coach. My uncle was involved in a minor car accident and I got so worried I ran home without thinking and forgot about the practice. I'm so sorry,” tj gestured his hands to the court, were his teammates still ran those suicide laps please don’t take it out on them, they are not the one to blame, I am.”

The coach looked thoughtful before loudly blowing the whistle around his neck, the noise immediately stopping on their tracks and looking at the man. “alright boys, I'm sorry for making you run those laps, Kippen explained to me that he got a family emergency and couldn’t warn any of us” some of the boys groaned “anyways, you all can get your little revenge by separating into two teams and giving your best so that our game next Friday will be an absolute win, best team today doesn’t have to make three more laps after the game.” he blew the whistle again.

As Tj was turning to the court he added “seems like your actions do show you’re captain material,” the older man smirked a little “I'm gonna miss you next year, kippen. You’re one of the good ones.”Tj smiled widely and ran to the court, ready to play

.--

“YO KIPPEN!” Jack, one of the older boys o the team screamed after all of the boys had already taken their showers, screamed, attracting to himself the attention of the whole team “What really got you late, ay? Was it a girl?” after Tj’s silent answer ( his middle finger held at the other boy’s direction) he kept going “I betcha it was that redhead chick from science class that always asks you for help…”

“Uhhhhhhhhh” a collective chorus was heard throughout the locker room, followed by the laughs of most of his mates.  

“No, I betcha twas that blond chick from 7th grade, girl has a crush on him for months” another one chimed in, opening a cue to others to give their opinions too.

“Does she have a big chunk of tities?!”

“Nah, look at him, he's an ass man if I’ve ever seen one!”

“Guys, guys,” Tj tried to calm down the other players “I'm not dating anyone, stop that. And what does my personal life matters to you all so much?” he attempted to divert the conversation.

“Ohh yall see that? No chick puts him on a leash, he’s messing around with more than one girl. Leave some for us too.”

“YO Kippen is a playah!!” another boy joked.“Could you guys just shut up?!” the scream was heard all throughout the room, the whole team turned to see the origin of it.

Daniel Johnson, their most recent point guard since Slayer went away, was ready to explode. Hands held back by his sides in fists, back straight as a broomstick, head hung low and whole body shaking. He looked nothing like the friendly outgoing tall black kid most people knew him for.

“What’s the problem Dano?” one of the boys asked him

“The problem is that I'm tired,” Johnson stated in a firm voice, loud enough for the whole silent room to hear “I'm tired of this, not just the objectification of girls, but this whole shit.” he was looking at them in the eyes now “my problem is that everyone just assumes other peoples sexuality.” Daniel’s hands were pressed against his temples for a second “MY PROBLEM IS THAT EVERYONE IS STRAIGHT UNTIL PROVEN NOT THANKS TO THIS BULLSHIT HETERONORMATIVITY!”  the boy breathed deeply in the astonished silence of his team companions “I mean,” he tried to recover a little bit of control over his emotions “we only see him around slayers best friend, other than the team and his cousin”. The team kept silence for a little while before Tj broke it

“Johnson,” tj called him with the gentlest tone he could muster, a hand lightly resting on the shaking boy’s shoulder, he was almost as tall as Tj, but at that moment he looked smaller than all of them, as if he was trying to disappear from there all together “not to say everything you just said is not truth, I mean, you sure got a point on that, but,”

Tj hesitated a little, seeing the boy’s eyes fill with tears of fear, he stole a quick look at his teammates, almost all of them as worried for the boy as him. “ but, do you have something you want to tell us? If you do, I think most of us will be here for you, and if you don’t, if you're not ready to talk about it that’s alright, we’re just gonna forget it all happened and move on…”

“You think is that easy?!” his voice broke, hand smacking Tj’s own out of his shoulder “Fuck you! You have no idea what is like to be me. Is already hard enough to be a black kid in America this days, and to be a GAY black kid?” his entire body was shaking with the impact of his own words “my parents go to church every Sunday, they say people like me are abominations, and you want to tell me that everything is gonna be okay?!”

At this moment Daniel started to really cry, and in the middle of his sobs, his legs gave out a little. Tj and two other players took him to the nearest bench and sat him down, another one brought out a water bottle for the panicking boy.

 “Daniel, Danny boy” Justin, one of Daniel's closest friends inside the team squatted at Daniel’s feet and held both of his hands in an attempt to make eye contact his voice was as soft as silk as he talked with the other boy. “take real deep breaths and repeat with me Danny boy, one, twenty-two, six, eight, one thousand and nine, zero…”

Daniel repeated out loud the out of order numbers  for a couple of minutes, Justin seemed to have some kind of practice at this, cause his voice never altered itself, nor did he stopped coaching Daniel’s actions until he was sure the boy was not going to have a panic attack again for the time being.

“dude” one of the boys that were farthest from the whole issue started with a disgusted voice “don’t be too close, he may give you the gays. Or he may try to fondle you !”  

Before any of the other boys could do anything, Tj had grabbed the boy – Kyle Jones – by the front of his shirt and was holding him against the wall, fist prepared to hit its target and his own furious face inches apart from the younger boy frightened one.

“what did you say, you piece of sh…”

“that’s enough kippen!” the coach's voice was heard behind Tj, the blond boy hesitantly let go of the younger kid, but still didn’t fall back, face still menacingly close to the lanky boy, that was almost pissing himself of fear“ As much as I’d love to let you smash his face inside out, I can't bear to lose two players on the same day”  

And with that, Tj stepped back and looked at the older man, a smirk on his face that paired with the one on the wrinkled face before him. “but, but” Jones stammered in indignation “no buts, you little homophobic devil.” the coach said, voice sharp. He grabbed the kid by the ear and pulled him in front of him, facing the whole team he stated  

“This is no place for prejudicial people. if you want to act like that you’re out of the team, for good! Now move, we’re gonna have a long talk with the principal and your parents, you'll be lucky if you get out with just a suspension, and right before your finals.” Both man and child walked out of the locker room.

“By the way, congrats miller, you’re not on the bench anymore”

--

After all that chaos, Tj and a few other boys from the team went out with  Justin and Daniel to grab some food and talk a little. Tj had just got back home from The Spoon (his cousin discount was very useful at times) when he started thinking about Daniel's words, about how people really judged one another as straight until proven wrong.

Tj was glad for his mom and dad being at work (mom was a pediatrician and dad an architect and both worked late on Fridays to be able to spend most of the weekend focused on Tj ) otherwise he would have to explain to them why the sudden the sudden hunger strike even after arriving from a restaurant as he mindlessly opened the fridge and took out enough food to feed three people.

Thank the universe he practiced basketball frequently or he would be most certainly morbidly obese right now. As he stuffed his face with delicious food, the blond player started to recall his own crushes since he was little:

The first he could remember was Megan Cruz, a girl from his fourth-grade class that always wore pink and had blonde pigtails Tj earned to pull from the first day he saw her, and the first lesson tj learned about crushes on his life came just after he gave in to his childish desires and pulled said pigtails: be nice to your crush, otherwise they won't like you back.

The next one was a crush Tj didn’t even consider a crush until now, his fifth-grade classmate and almost best friend Freddie Wilson, a redhead freckled boy that always carried around a small camera to take pictures of things he found nice. Thinking now, Tj probably confused his feelings for friendship and never acted on them, happy to only be by the lanky boy’s side day by day, that is, until the boy’s father got a job at another state and they had to move away.

The following crush was on another girl, or Tj thought it was at first since Riley dressed in purple and wore skirts, that’s what girls did, right? And that was Tj’s first encounter with non-binary people, Riley didn’t like to be called a boy or a girl, they used both “boy” and “girl” clothes and had “boy” and “girl” toys. Tj attributed his crush to the androgynous appearance of Riley, however, the crush didn’t fade after discovering Riley was not a boy or a girl, it only vanished after the end of his sixth grade.

The last one of his crushes was Chloe Summers, a girl he met on a basketball summer camp at the beginning of seventh grade and his first and only relationship so far, she’s one year older than him but really shorter and smiled all the time. They dated for almost half a year after the eight-week camp and are to this time long-distance friends since she lived in LA and him in Shadyside. They both decided to be better of as friends after she started crushing on her best friend, Jordan, a relationship Tj fully supported and even got to know him on one of their monthly Skype sessions.

So that was it, two girls, one boy, and a non-binary person were all of TJ’s crushes till the present moment. What did it mean? He asked himself. That was the moment he realized he’s done eating his food since there was nothing more to eat without having to cook something from scratch. He was glad Friday was pizza day at his house…

--

Tj spent most of the night browsing on the internet in search for answers to his questions, but it wasn’t until Saturday morning he found his answer: he identified the most with the term pansexual. A person attracted to people not limited to biological sex, gender or gender identity, Google described what he pretty much felt.

He also got a little more interested on human rights and representation on the media, so much that he ended up discovering some celebrities that recently came out as pansexual, such as Janelle Monáe, Sia, and Brendon Urie, and got really into the Marvel character Deadpool, who also identifies as pansexual. Even though he had such examples, he knew most people wouldn’t know what pansexuality was (he himself didn’t know until hours before) since the majority of the population didn’t even believe bisexuality to be valid.

Johnson sure was right about heteronormativity societies. He was debating with himself what to do, should he come out now, he wasn’t afraid of people like Jones, but he sure was terrified of rejection from his parents and friends now that he didn’t just have dyscalculia, but also was not straight.

At least I don’t have a crush to worry about on top of all of that he thought to himself, but at that moment his phone beamed with a notification sound, he had a new message from Cyrus, and audio nonetheless. Tj pressed play to find out what his best friend could possibly want that early on a Saturday afternoon.

“Tj, sorry to bother you, but I just now got time to answer the question you sent yesterday about me going to the game…” Cyrus' voice sounded on TJs room, he sounded as if he was restraining himself from apologizing for hours. Tj felt his stomach sink in his belly at the thought of Cyrus not going to his last game on Jefferson middle.

“…and even though andi thinks I shouldn’t go after how you acted with Buffy, I’d be delighted to watch you play for our school for the last time.” there was a giggle at the younger boy’s voice that made Tj smile “so, see you at school on Monday? I know how your parents like to spend time with you whenever they can, so I'm not gonna bother you anymore for the time being” and that’s the end of the voice message.

Cyrus is going to my game Tj thought as he felt the small smile already present on his face widen into one that could only be described as a dumb smile, his palms were sweaty and his stomach now felt like it was full of those damn butterflies of the movies amber made him watch when they were little.

Remembering all the moments he shared with Cyrus up until now, he came to the conclusion that wasn’t the first time he felt like that at the presence, or mere mention of the boy. That cute dorky beautiful boy he would do anything to protect from the world around them, especially if it meant he’d have the chance to cradle his smaller, more delicate body into his arms, smell his amazing lavender and pine scent and maybe kiss those big oh so kissable lips and…

Fuck, not now, not this. He cursed himself inside his head. Not only had he realized his sexuality, he also realized his most recent crush, the only boy he sure would never have a chance with, even if he was not straight (what Tj was only 40% sure he wasn’t, thanks to his abundant talk about iris, his last girlfriend and how he would probably ruin any other relationship he’d have in the far future by embarrassing himself in front of them just like he did in front of the older girl whenever the subject of relationships came along) thanks to him being too friendly and straight up bullying said boy’s best friend.

Ughhh! I put myself into the friendzone and ended up with every chance I could have thanks to what I did to Slayer, I AM retarded after all. He damned himself for not realizing his feelings before when he maybe got a chance. He just hoped this would be a small, irrelevant crush that he could get over in no time, if not, he was sure it was going to hurt, but he would keep being Cyrus’ friend above all.

hope you guys like it see you tomorrow

[vintagemiserie]

hehehe more jazz au :^) this ones not a happy one necessarily, but it is longer than anything ive written recently and like. i kinda go off. tw for some homophobic language

The atmosphere of the studio changed when Patrick and Andy stepped in. It was usual for the singer to sink into a foul mood by the end of any particular session, but to see him fuming before the whole studio band had even gotten there was a rare change. Joe decided that perhaps he shouldn't head over to his boyfriend initially, instead deciding to fiddle even further with his tuning. After all, Patrick had other responsibilities, like talking to managers and producers, so perhaps it just had to do with that.

Once everyone had come and got settled in, Patrick stepped to the front of the room, still looking absolutely pissed. He clutched a rolled up magazine in his hand. “Which one of you spoke to National Enquirer,” He started, but some wind players’ noodling covered up what he said. Joe set his guitar on its stand and looked to Patrick. “Fuck you guys! I have shit to say, this is my band, horns down!”

The noodling stopped.

“Which one of you spoke to National Enquirer,” He repeated.

No one said anything, except for a few trumpets, who looked at each other nervously.

“The longer I wait for the answer, the more likely I am to fucking beat you to death. Who spoke about my personal, private fucking life, to a fucking tabloid? Which one of you decided that getting a few dollars for a few headlines would be worth this? My reputation—my boyfriend's reputation!—back down to fucking nothing, for no consequences? Which one of you sorry bitches thought—”

One of the trumpet players raised their hands. “It was Adam, he told me he did it,” he said, a smirk on his face.

“No I didn't, asshole!” A trombonist replied. A couple saxes laughed. “I didn't, Patrick, swear to my life!”

Patrick looked tired, adjusting his sweater ever so slightly. “I would like whoever it was who released my private information to leave the building and never interact with me in any way ever again, understand? Spare yourself the shame of getting your nose broken by who you clearly think is a 'sorry faggot who should be in a mental institution.’”

A scrawny tenor sax coughed, then stood up and scurried out of the studio. Patrick stepped over and kicked his chair, sending it sliding all the way over towards Joe, who suddenly felt quite nervous.

“Fucking figured,” Patrick said, as loud and abrasive as Joe had ever heard him be. The noodling usual in warm-ups resumed, and some of the tension seemed to have fled the room. Patrick took a few deep breaths, wiped off his glasses, and headed Joe's way.

“What happened..?” Joe asked. He felt out of the loop, frankly, since everyone else seemed to know what went on.

“This morning, I was grocery shopping, and I came across this gem.” Patrick knelt down in front of Joe and displayed the magazine. On the cover was a few familiar faces, namely himself and Patrick. There was a headline in big, colorful text that said something about an affair. “I've spent the whole day calling people, up and down, trying to figure out who I was supposed to kick out. I never called you, I figured you'd have seen this piece of shit before now. You're, uh… out. I'm… I wouldn't blame you for leaving now, uh, since I can just push through… push through the couple songs without guitar, y'know, and you can go to your place, and I'll have Andy drop me off there or nearby there because paparazzi is gonna be swarming my house trying to get more solid proof of us being together, and that's the last thing I want. I… shit, Joe, I didn't want this to happen.”

Joe grabbed Patrick's arm, feeling how shaky he seemed. He pulled the singer closer, into a hug. “I don't care too much, Patrick, It'll end up fine,” He said. “I almost got expelled from high school for being gay, it didn't bother me then, it won't now.”

“You’ll care soon. Be—besides… I… let's run through one song where you play and if it sucks, I'll just have you leave so I can focus without feeling guilty.”

Joe nodded.

“You're not gonna break up with me, right?”

“Why would I..? If we're still going for our plan of getting married when it's legalized, I don't think breaking up with you would help with anything.”

Patrick laughed and kissed Joe's cheek. “You're… I'm glad I'm with you, even if it means something like this happens.” He stood up and headed back to the front of the room. “Okay, warm-up is done, let's run, ah, Grazing in the Grass, then we'll get to doing what we need to get recorded,” He yelled, seemingly composed once more. Joe grabbed his guitar and got ready to start playing.