#I am so close to losing it. I've already reached the end of the threads that hold my sanity together. i can't.

[masked-and-doomed]

Shut the fuck up for once. Maybe.

[moonofiron]

I saw this one panel in the manga and lost my shit.

He looks so 🥵 here. This is the panel that has inspired this smutty fanfic. I also wanted to draw something related to this piece so I've thrown in an illustration between the story as well! Enjoy!

Jujutsu Kaisen, Chapter 78

Anime: Jujutsu Kaisen

Characters: Geto Suguru x (fem)reader

Genre: smut, bondage, kinbaku, edging, overstimulation, explicit sexual content, visual content thrown in too 🥵

Rating: M

Synopsis: Geto shows you his skills at kinbaku

Word count: 2.4K ~

Minors, dni.

Geto Suguru ties the last knot near your ankle. You whimper from the rope chaffing your skin but ease into the burn and position yourself the way Geto wants.

It has taken months for you to get to this point. 8 months back you had casually asked him where he disappears to for hours at end every Saturday. You couldn't hold it in and he couldn't bring himself to lie to you.

"I..I practice kinbaku love. It's to destress, really."

//

"Oh, what's that?"

"Umm, it's the art of tying knots. It's derived from the act of tying prisoners during the war but now it's a...a form of art."

"I see." After a moment's pause, you had asked, "So what do you tie knots with?"

"Three strand jute ropes. On manequins."

You didn't really get it and had pouted slightly.

To break the awkward silence, you had asked him, "Will you show me sometime, Suguru?"

His face had clouded and he had looked the other way. "Maybe. Maybe, someday I will."

//

"There, all done," says Suguru joyfully. He puts his hand under your chin and pulls your face up so you can look at yourself, his artwork, in the large mirror in front of you.

You gasp at how helpless you look. You're naked and your hair is tied up neatly in a bun. Suguru did your hair earlier and decorated it with the delicate pin he bought for you on your second date. You're pretty much bent into a ball and perched on the futon you both have fucked on on so many nights that you've lost count now. Your hands are tightly tied behind your back and your ankles are tied to your thighs. The knots go down from your neck all the way down to your clit and then climb up your spine. Your breasts perk up from the pressure around them. The knots are elegant and look complicated, and you can see your cunt swelling from the pressure of the tight ropes around your inner thighs.

Please do not repost or plagiarize.

Years of practicing kinbaku has rendered him into a master of this art that he's extremely private about. His passion leaks in the way his long fingers tackle the ropes around your body, almost as if he's making love to them.

You meet his eyes in the mirror and see him looking right back at you as he bites his soft lips. His eyes are dreamy and lustful, and he wears a look of pride that pushes all the buttons for you.

He takes out a small black ball from his kimono's left sleeve and your eyes widen. He walks around and sits in front of you so his face is inches away from yours.

"Open your mouth, love," he whispers.

You do as he says without even giving it a second thought. He pushes the ball-gag in your mouth gently and you close your eyes as you envelope it with your wet mouth. He moves closer so your nose buries into his chest as he clamps the ball-gag strap at the back of your head. When done, he sits back and strokes a finger across your jaw.

“I'll be back in sometime, baby. Be good. I'll be watching." He winks and kisses the ball in your mouth gently, his gaze never leaving yours. A soft gasp escapes his lips. And then, just like that, he's gone.

You panic. 'What? I thought he'll just be showing me how it's done. What does he mean he'll be back in sometime? When? How long?' you think. A flash of fear makes your stomach drop. But then you calm down.

The first few minutes are easy. You spend them admiring how beautiful you look, how lovely Suguru has made you. But, after a while you get bored and start looking around. There's nothing to do except wait for Suguru to come back. Perhaps he ran out of ropes. The thought excites you but you don't know how long he'll take. You don't know if he's locked the door. There's no way to tell how much time has passed. All you know is that there's a warmth spreading in your stomach from the anticipation of his arrival. You try to bend down to take a peek at your cunt and see that you've formed a small pool of wetness on the futon. And, you notice a strange little cube embedded in the knot on top of your clit. You instinctively reach with your hands for your clit forgetting you can't and let out a small moan as the ropes dig into your wrists. You look back at yourself in the mirror. You notice the thin sheen of sweat on your forehead and that your nipples are plump and hard. You look around frantically before you give up and enter a kind of peace that you've never known before. You look up at the ceiling, close your eyes, and hear yourself make a gurgling noise. The small cube has suddenly come alive and is vibrating against your clit, making you squirm and lose balance. Your entire body jerks and shivers as you moan out Suguru's name unintelligibly, the ball-gag stopping you from forming coherent sentences. You feel a wave of pleasure coming and then, just as suddenly as the cube had come alive, it dies, leaving you on the edge, helpless and slick and frustrated from being denied release.

//

Geto Suguru absolutely can not wait to get back home to you. He watches you through a curse, a little eyeball, he's placed in the corner of his room. He struggles to keep still and loses patience in all his meetings. He wants them to get over as soon as possible so he can focus on you. He finishes mission reports and some pending tasks as he watches you struggling and squirming, wet and waiting. His cock twitches at the absolutely stunning sight of you, wriggling on the floor, helpless and vulnerable.

//

//

You don't know how many hours it has been. All you know is that it's the 12th time that the small cube has come alive and you can't take it anymore. The threads of the ropes are wet and cold, the futon is completely ruined, you're hot and extremely bothered. Your thighs are sticky and slick. You need to cum. You can't take the teasing, the absolute relentlessness of this thing that's refusing to let you cum. You're not in an elegant stance anymore, either. Suguru, without even being here with you, has made you fall face-first into the futon, your back arched so your hips are in the air. You're uncomfortable and all you can think about is Getou's cock buried deep inside your throbbing cunt. Your hair has almost come undone and strands stick to your breasts. Your jaw aches and your neck and chin are covered in drool. You're focused on your release. You'll definitely get there before this damned thing shuts off again. But, you know that's wishful thinking.

'This is getting out of hand,' you think as you feel tears dripping down your flushed cheeks. You try to get a sense of balance but you're so disoriented that you can't think anymore. You breathe heavily and are about to close your eyes when you hear the low buzz of the vibrator again. You're grunt and moan and your entire body buckles again and again. In all your frenzy, you don't realise when Getou comes back and quietly sits on the floor behind you.

When the vibrator stops, you scream an unintelligible, "No, please!!" and drop face-first on the futon again. Your laboured breath makes it hard to concentrate on anything. When you finally calm down, you feel his presence. You look back and see his kimono loosly wrapped around his waist, the sleeves are halfway off his shoulders as he gently strokes his cock, already rock-hard and glistening. He watches you intently. You let out a sigh of relief and arch your back to let him know he can use you anytime. Amused and greedy at once, he pulls you to himself, and unclamps the ball gag. He shoves his cock in your mouth, grabs your hair, and maneuvers your head just the way you like it. He moans and grunts out loud enough for the neighbors to hear. He's extremely vocal today and this is new.

He suddenly stops and kisses your mouth hard.

“Such a pretty babe today. Eh? You look stunning.”

"Su..Suguru, pl..please fuck me. Please. Please. Please." You break down, you can't bring yourself to speak coherently. You start to lower your head so you can taste his cock - anything to have him inside you - but he pulls your hair hard and stops you.

He pushes you back and makes you lie down. He carefully unties only the knots near your inner thighs. His cool fingers give you shivers. He cups your nipples with his mouth and licks, nibbles, and bites his way down to your clit.

“Who are you so fucking wet for?”

“Suguru! You!”

“Yeah?"

“Uhun, please, just please, take me already."

“Yeah? How?"

“Suguru, I am begging you. I cant-"

Getou comes back up in a flash. He squeezes your face with his hand and roars, “I asked, how?"

You're crying again and he can't stop thinking how gorgeous you look, sweaty and flushed, begging for his cock.

You take a sharp intake of breath and say, “Getou I want you.”

He raises his eyebrows but doesn't let your face go.

“I want you inside me, I want your cock inside me. I'm throbbing and dripping and so ready for you. Just for you. For you to use and love and fuck. Please Daddy." you say, in a trembling voice.

Suguru lets go of your face and removes his kimono. He's naked underneath. He can't believe he gets to ruin a goddess like you. He starts to lightly flutter his tongue across your swollen clit. You're trembling and it doesn't take long for your whimpering to turn into screaming. You're so close to cumming, finally! Your eyes roll back as you feel his long and thin tongue lapping up your wetness. He licks it like a fucking dog before kissing it sweetly and moves back, leaving you on the edge again and you have such a violent reaction that he lets out a strong grunt.

You've never felt so helpless before. You realise that he's enjoying himself a bit too much seeing you struggle, at your body so bent before him. You're sobbing now, and he hovers over you.

“You're making me lose it with all this begging and squirming, baby," he whispers and thrusts into you in one deep stroke. You immediately bite his neck hard and moan deep into it. Clenching around his cock hard, you take in as much of him as you can. His touch on your arms and lower back is electrifying but he soon holds the ropes around you for leverage. He moves in a quick pace and it doesn't take you long to gush around him, giving him a cumsleeve that he bends down to look at. Your release is so so sweet, your toes are curled, your calves are flexed, your back is arched, and your teeth have left Suguru's neck with spots of blood.

“Please...do..don't stop, Daddy,”

“I won't baby, you've been so good. We've got all night.”

“Night?! How long were ...uhh..were you gone?” You pant.

“6 hours."

Suguru looks at himself moving in and out of your plump cunt as his long hair tickles your breasts. It makes his cock twitch and harder inside of you. He pushes your knees back and the ropes dig into your lower back. He grabs your hair and bends your head to your stomach.

“Look at me moving in and out of you.”

The sight turns you on even more. You didn't know that getting so hot amd bothered was even possible. It seems like you've been cumming for a while now and you're overstimulated.

Suguru pulls out. You gasp and your head rolls back. He turns you around and spends a moment to admire his rope-work, and, of course, your plump and throbbing slick cunt that he's going to fuck again.

“Look at how gorgeous you are," he gently holds your chin and pulls it up. You can see yourself, your face is flushed a deep red and you're bruised everywhere. Suguru towers behind you, holding his cock that's glistening with your cum. You can't believe how good he makes you feel. You wiggle your hips at him, inviting him.

He positions his cock to enter you but starts to rub it on your clit instead. Sensitive from all the edging before, your clit blooms from the rubbing and the warmth. You moan.

"Fuck, I love how noisy your cunt gets."

“Oh, oh, please don't stop. Let me cum all over your cock again."

Suguru bites his lip and doesn't take his eyes off you in the mirror. He can't help but admire how sexy you sound and look. He continues to rub his cock slow but hard against you and you collapse on the futon again, cumming. You've squirted all over the base of his cock and stomach and your screams are drown out everything else.

”Such a good girl. Cumming all over Daddy like that."

He thrusts his cock inside of your swollen cunt and continues to move inside you for what seems like an eternity.

"Daddy's gonna paint you so pretty, love," he whispers as he pulls out, grunts, and cums all over your back, on the ropes, in your hair.

He collapses on your side and looks up at the ceiling and then at you. He's out of breath as he gently plays with his drained cock.

You're completely spent and about to pass out when you feel him untying all the knots quickly. His face is tinted with concern. When you're finally free from the ropes, he tries to massage you lightly and helps you lie down properly. He brings you a bottle of water right away and kisses your forehead.

“I'll run you bath, princess. And then I'll get you something to eat. Okay?"

"Hmm," is all you can manage.

You hear the bath running and he comes back, picks you up and takes you to the bathroom. He bathes you and shampoos your hair, kissing you everywhere with sweet pecks. When you're both finally in bed, you snuggle up close to him and dare to ask -

"When will you tie me up next?"

[shawnpetermuffins]

Too Close to You

' @luke-skywalkin : so I’m currently obsessed with jealous needy shawn sooo can u write one🥺'

Warnings: swearing, slight angst, mentions of smut

A/n: I got a little carried away with this, I think. But I kinda like it. I've also never written a full jealous!shawn so I hope this is okay.

Summary: Shawn thinks his friends like you a little too much and he's not handling it well.

Requested: yes.

***

I love to hang out with Shawn and his friends. Ever since Shawn introduced me to them, I'd felt like part of the group. We all have inside jokes with each other, and when Shawn is out on tour and I can't be there with him, the guys always invite me to go out with them. Of course I agree, because let's face it, they need a wing-woman, because they have a difficult time getting girls for themselves.

So, yes, we're close. Which is why it doesn't bother me when Jon pulls me into his lap while we're at Brian's, all of us just drinking and having a good time. Just like it doesn't bother me that he's tickling my sides or playing with my hair. In fact, I lean into him because it feels nice, and with two cups of whatever strong, alcoholic concoction Matt had cooked up, it's not like I was in any position to sit straight for long periods of time.

Shawn's standing in the doorway, staring at me, and in my sober state, I would be able to tell that he's standing way too straight and that his jaw is clenched in that way it does when he's angry. But tipsy me does nothing about it, only takes the cup from Jon's hand and sips it.

“God, I need to get laid,” Brian exclaimed, plopping down next to us and pulling my feet into his lap.

“That's not all life is about, you know. Why don't you look for something real. Someone smart, and funny, and beautiful,” Shawn said, sitting on the coffee table in front of us. He's nursing the bottle of water in his hands - deciding that if I'm drinking tonight, he wouldn't be.

“Easy for you to say when you literally just described your girlfriend,” Matt said from the arm rest next to my head. “You seriously got the hottest, smartest, funniest woman on earth. What's even the point in the rest of us looking?”

My cheeks flush red and I let out a soft “Awwwe! Matty, that was so sweet!” I take a hold of his arm and he looks down at me. “C’mere.”

He leans down and I press the softest, quickest kiss to his lips before pulling away. Neither of us think anything of it. Shawn does, that's apparent in the way he crosses his arms over his chest, and sharply inhales through his nose.

“Okay, I need another drink. Let me up guys,” I pat Jon's chest and Brian swings my legs to the ground for me. I steady myself, both Matt and Shawn holding their arms out for me to grab. I stumble lightly into kitchen to fill up my cup. I'm in there a couple minutes, listening to the music that's now muffled - still loud, of course. But muffled, nonetheless.

I'm about to go back to sit with Jon when a tug on my arm pulls me in the opposite direction. Shawn's head rests against my stomach and my hand very instinctively goes to his hair. He hums, his hands resting on the pockets of my super skinny jeans. I swat at his hands when he kneads the covered flesh.

“Shawn, we're in public.”

“We're in Brian's living room. That's hardly considered public.” He's looking up at me, his curls flopping over his forehead, lashes brushing just under his eyebrows and I'm swooning.

But the moment ends much too soon when Brian pulls me back in, this time squished between him and Jon. “Smile!” Matt says, hiding behind Brian's Polaroid.

I close my eyes - knowing just how drunk I'd look if I kept them open - and smile wide, baring my teeth. I feel two sets of lips on me before the flash goes off and when I open my eyes, I see Shawn standing, his ears red, breathing heavy.

I push myself off the couch, best I can and brush my hand against his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Let's get out of here,” He pinches the bridge of his nose.”

“Shawn.”

“Y/n. I'm tired and I want to go. Please,” he says through gritted teeth. The boys aren't paying any attention to us.

I sigh, “Okay.”

The goodbyes are quick, Shawn's hand never leaving my back pocket. I didn't even hug the guys before he was rushing me to the car, faster and little more forcefully than usual. His breathing still hasn't calmed, even after a few blocks.

“Bubs, what's wrong?” I ask when we're nearer to the condo.

“We really need to limit the time we spend with the guys.”

“What? Why?”

He scoffs and looks at me, only for a second before turning back to the road. “They're all over you, for fucks sake.”

“They are not!”

“And you're not doing anything to stop them! You're encouraging it, even!”

“Are you serious right now?” I hiccup, the only clear sign that I've drank a little too much tonight.

“Am I serious?” he's fuming, turning onto our street. “Yes, I'm fucking serious! What was that kiss with Matt? You initiated it!”

“It was less than a second! It didn't mean anything.”

“Well it did to me!” He sets the car in park and is out before I can even say anything back.

I get out of his jeep, rushing after him, “Shawn!”

“Those are my friends, y/n!” He says, opening the door to the condo. “My best friends!” He continues when the door closes behind me. “And they're over here talking about how hot you are and how they wish they had someone like you. And you let them. You let them say those things and you let them touch you and kiss you and it fucking hurts! You're my girlfriend! Mine! And it really doesn't help that you wear those tight jeans, and low cut shirts because you're leaving very little to the imagination. They shouldn't get to see that.”

“You’re getting jealous over nothing. They don't get to have me, Shawn! You do!”

“Then why don't you act like it?! I'm never here, y/n! I'm never fucking here. But they are!” He gestures like they're in the next room. “They get to see you every day. Hold you when a guy gets too close, even though they're too close.”

“Bub-”

“How would you like it if I did that with my girl friends? Kissed Camila when she said something sweet? Let Alessia hug up on me while we're in the green room?”

I cross my arms over my chest, hating the fact that he thinks that would upset me. "I think your fans would have a bigger problem with it than I would."

He rolls his eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That I don't have millions of fans watching my every move. You so much as look at another girl and there's twenty articles up that you're cheating on me. That we broke up. That our relationship was a sham. Your fans would believe it and quite possibly murder you before I even open Instagram to see how you've broken the internet this time."

He sighs.

"I don't get jealous, Shawn. You know that. And you've reassured me every time you leave that you love me and only me and I believe you. So I need you to believe me when I tell you that there's nothing going on with me or any of the guys. We're comfortable with each other. They protect me when you're not here. They're not trying to get with me when we go out to the bar; they stay near me and make sure no one else tries making a move. They do it because they know you would hate yourself if something happened while you were gone. There's no reason for you to ever thing that I would leave you, and for one of your best friends, no less! So whatever jealousy you're harboring right now needs to go. Because I'm tired and this fight is fucking stupid and I'm going to bed." I push past him and into our shared bedroom.

---

Dressed in my pajamas, I lay on my side, eyes closed, but not sleeping. I hear Shawn sigh as he walks in the room, my back is towards him when I feel the bed dip on his side. I think he's going to reach for me after he's situated under the covers, but he doesn't and my heart breaks a little.

Sleep doesn't come easy, or at all, actually. I'm staring at the alarm clock that Shawn insisted on putting across the room so that we'd have no choice but to get up when it went off, and it reads 2:07. We've been in bed like this for three hours. And I know he's not asleep because he's not doing that little snore that he does when he sleeps on his back.

At 2:28, when my eyes are just now becoming too heavy to keep open, he shifts onto his side and his arm sprawls across my waist. "Baby," he whispers into my shoulder, placing a gentle kiss on the covered skin. It takes everything in my not to melt into him right then and there. "I know you're not asleep."

I sigh and shift until I'm facing him. "What?"

"I'm sorry," he says, his thumb rubbing against my jaw. "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah, kinda." I agree.

He chuckles and I know we're okay. "I know I don't have to be jealous. But hearing Matt say what I already know, it did something to me. Because you are the hottest," he kisses my forehead, "smartest," my nose, "funniest," my lips, "Girlfriend in the world. And if he's noticed, then other guys have too and the thought of another guy wanting you drives me crazy."

"But I don't want them," I try and reason.

"I know. I know you don't. But do you see where I'm coming from? They're here. They're stable... I can't lose you, baby."

"Hey," I reach out to touch his face. "We are stable. Bub, I am not going anywhere."

His arms wrap around me with ease and just like that I'm straddling his naked torso, my hands resting his chest and then tangling his necklace between my fingers. "I'm right here. I'm in your hands. You have me."

He nods, his index fingers running over my sides from beneath my shirt. I hum and lean down, kissing his lips, never wanting to pull away. And this went on for what felt like forever, until my back once again hit the plush of our mattress. "I need you," he groans, lips trailing down my neck.

"I'm here," I reassure him, threading my fingers through his hair, clearly not understanding the meaning of his words.

"I need you," he says again, this time pressing his hips against mine. It clicks for me then and I nod.

"Okay baby." I mutter breathlessly because his tongue on the shell of my ear has me weak at the knees.

He takes his time with me. Kissing every inch of my body, clothed and unclothed. His touch is so soft and gentle that if I wasn't watching him, I'd have thought it wasn't real. And then he finally pushes himself into me, staying steady for a second, allowing me to get used to his size. Looking dwn at us, just out of curiosity, I notice that you can't even tell where I end and he begins. We're one. I'm whole as he thrusts into me slowly.

His thrusts are deep and even and measured. I couldn't even tell him how much I needed him; he left me speechless. He murmurs 'I love you' all over my body, and I wish you could tattoo sounds into your skin because I want to hear that forever. It's overwhelming how much we both need each other in this vulnerable moment. Him worried that I would someday leave him and me trying like hell to get him to believe I won't.

We're rarely ever this careful with each other. It's as if he's scared that going faster, harder will push me to the edge - And not the edge that he wants to bring me so desperately to. He's treating me like I'm fragile, like we're fragile. We're not, and I kiss him a little deeper to prove that we're not. Shawn's panting in my ear with another slow, deep thrust into me and my fingers claw at his back with a strangled moan eliciting my lips. This isnt just sex. We're making love. This is raw and passionate, and everything that making love should be.

***

A/n: this is not how I originally planned on ending this, but I actually think I like it better. There is an alternate ending if you guys want that later on though. 😉

I hope you enjoyed! Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

[yooncutiee]

[Description]

I could feel my nerves pulse against my body as I tell hobi what I've been dying to avoid "shit hobi I think I'm fucking In Love with him," I whisper it out enough for hobi to hear me.

~

Genres: romance, mystery, horror,

MAIN CHARACTERS AND SHIPS: Taehyung, jungkook, jimin, suga, Namjoon, Jin, hobi.

Vkook, yoonmin, namjin.

Wattpad: yooncuteie

~

~ CHAPTER 1 ~

~ NIGHTMARE ~

~ Taehyung POV~

I could feel my nerves pulse against my body as I tell hobi what I've been dying to avoid "shit hobi I think I'm fucking In Love with him," I whisper it out enough for hobi to hear me.

Hobi takes a deep breathe in before responding " I knew you couldn't handle what you got yourself into without feeling something"

"What i got myself into?"

He scoffs "don't play dumb"

He was right. I wasn't forced into this. I wanted it. Needed it. And jungkook was nice enough to offer it to me.

"Friends with benefits isn't exactly what I was planning to have with him" I say as I gaze my eyes out the car window of a Honda Civic, that was probably as old as my great grandpa was. It took too much effort for me to roll down the window using it's almost broke off handle. for hopes of fresh clean air. The air was cool against my sweaty forehead. Sinking more into my seat I turn to look at hobi driving while his right hand rests on my left thigh.

"How do you think he feels?" He asks me while eyes clued to the road ahead of us.

"Shit if I know" I mumble in annoyance.

"Well... guess" he chuckles

I shift in my seat, glaring at the headboard "he can handle me with such care sometimes I think he might actually feel something for me other then see me as a sex toy" my hand brushes along my sleeve. I pull on a thread to calm my nerves "Sometimes I feel like I'm his whole world.."

My heart swells up with hope at my own words. Knowing a possibility of it might be true. But in this life everything comes with a price. And I'd be damned if I let myself have this much hope.

"That's good, Right?" Hobi turns to look at me with worried eyes. Hand squeezing my left thigh in hopes to comfort me.

That's when the world suddenly stops. Everything around me losing its purpose as my heartbeat slows down and all I see next is two tail lights covering my entire existence. I didn't know that night would be the beginning of my end.

                     ~ 1 year later ~

I walked around helpless in a dark forest struggling to keep my balance as I made my way down a cleared path being illuminated by the moon. My only source of light to be used. My dream I was so certain I was having right now, as I did almost every night since I stop talking my medication that's supposed to make me normal again. But it only kept me at the surface. Barley breathing, but enough to survive.

I made my way through the clear path to come up to a big tree with red leafs. The sky turned pitch black as I looked up to see the moon be covered in darkness. That was when the blood came. Flowing through the cracks of the tree branch's. As it came closer to my feet I heard the screams. His screams. They flooded my ears like the blood at my feet going higher and higher. I stopped breathing. Stopped thinking, as I was swallowed by its darkness. As I was swallowed by my end.

That's when I always wake up.

I jumped up out of my sleep from another nightmare. Sweat was dripping from my forehead. "Damn it!" I cuss under my breath.

I pull my covers away and stumble my way to the bathroom located in the corner of my room. I switch the lights on and stare at my reflection.

I looked like shit. Felt like it too.

I turn the water faucet on to fill my hands with water and splash it on my face. rubbing my eyes harshly in hopes it wakes me up more. Deciding to reach out to open a small box laying out on the counter for easy access. taking out my prescription of medication that keeps the bad thoughts away.

But the bad thoughts never go away.

I get out two pills and pop them into my mouth and swallowed them dry. going back to my room and reaching for my phone on the night stand.

the time was 3:25 am. I suddenly had that sick feeling of dread. Too nervous to sleep alone tonight I swipe up on my phone and press a number on my contact listed as "kookie"

Will he even answer?

I hear four buzzing sounds on the other end as I wait for jungkook to pick up.

"Hello?" He sounds worried.

I hesitate at first but mange to say

"Hey kookie I need you"

He goes silent on the other line for what feels like hours but was only 10 seconds.

"O-okay tae I'll be there in....Like 10 minutes" stumbling over his words as if he is drunk.

I wouldn't be surprised if he was. Maybe at some club having a fuck or a drink to drown himself in.

I start to hear loud noises in the back and music bumping loudly on the other side of the phone. and already know one of my suspicions was right.

He breathes down the other line as a low voice comes through "dont you dare do anything stupid, I'll be there just hang tight" he waits for my response.

"I promise kookie I won't.. just come" I bite down on my lip to calm myself down. He hangs up the phone after my response. I put my phone back on the night stand and lay in bed waiting for him.

After a year of the accident we haven't made any process on our "friends with benefits" relationship. I shut down completely and never confessed my feelings. Telling him I needed time. He waited for me but not long enough. Half a year he waited before he went back to his old habits. I couldn't blame him. I was too broken for even him to fix.

Still no matter what, he was always there for me. like a security blanket. He was my security blanket.

After my many failed attempts of ending my life he was extra careful with me. Never leaving my sight.

He was the only one to understand me. He knew what I was going through because he too was going through it. He was one of the cars that crashed into us. The others were a hit and run. It broke me when I and jungkook were the only survivors. hobi had been my best friend since the first grade. He was family. Now he was gone.

Jungkook had became the closest thing I had to a best friend after hobi.

The others were fucked up by everything that we all drifted apart.

Jimin was absolutely devastated when hobi died. Fuck! We all were. But jimin was with him for 2 whole years. Planning a whole life together. That hits different.

Jin graduated that year and left never looking back. His brother was everything to him. Their mom took her own life after she was left alone, grieving her dead son while her cheating husband who left her for a young slut not even a month after his sons death. Maybe he thought she could fill the void he that hobi left in him.

Namjoon drowned himself in school work. Never batting an eye to us. Said he was too busy. Needed to work on his future and not worry about the dead.

Yoongi was... well he fell off the face of the earth. I pass him by through the halls but nothing more

We all lost something that night of the accident. Some more then others.

Breathing in a big gulp of air I hear a small knock on my window door. A smile spreads on my lips as I get up to open my window. Jungkook jumps over and into my room. There was a black framed full sized bed in the middle of the room, a night stand beside it and a small desk with a bookshelf. Quite small and messy but comfortable.

Jungkook grabs my waist while he stares me down "how are you?" He breathes out. Making sure to be quiet so my parents don't hear.

"I'm okay just tired" saying as I rub his forearm with my thumb.

"Any bad thoughts?" He grab my face in his hand to lift my eyes to his.

"No... not as bad as usual" I managed to say without choking back a sob. My eyes were getting watery and my head felt intense pressure. I bite my lip to calm myself down again.

This Shit happens everytime!

He puts his forehead to mine for a few seconds before speaking and wipes awaya tear waiting to fall from my eye. "hey- it's okay if you did, I'm here now"

I smile at his response, feeling a jolt of love and affection as always "thank you kookie"

"Today I was thinking of him... today" he sounded in pain and regret.

"Oh.." I decided not to pursue jungkook into talking more about it. I didn't want to think about. Didn't want to feel it anymore.

I was stuck. Always stuck.

He sighs against my face, only inches apart. He lends back, eyes moving to my bed. He tugs at my arm and lends me to the bed

"well let's sleep then?" Pulling the sheets away to make room for us. I sink into the bed while he makes his way in a position to spoon me.

I will never get tired of this.

His warmth. His breathe against my neck as he hugs me close. My heartbeat stays calm for now.

"I w- wish I could have done more that night" he says against my ear as he plays with my hair.

"The night of the accident?" I ask confused.

"Yes... I just-"

I grab hold of his hand that wraps around me and lock it in mine "it's okay kookie you couldn't have done more, it's not your fault"

"Okay" he lends deeper into my neck

"You won't have anymore nightmares with me" he whispers against my skin.

Feeling calm and secure in jungkook's arms, I hum a response as I fall in a deep sleep.

But the nightmares never go away because they are my reality.