#I am silly and sappy at the moment >.< it’s a loving your friends kind of night

[wonijinjin]

KIM MINGYU (+ JEON WONWOO) - BITTERSWEET

author’s note: this is a fic for the @caratsland event, it was a very long process to write but i am proud of this fic, my first true long fic and angst, hope you guys enjoy! inspired by the song bittersweet.

song recs: recommended songs for this fic are bittersweet by wonwoo mingyu and leehi (obviously hehe), i don’t understand but i luv u by seventeen,

synopsis: can two broken hearts find peace, happiness, and heal each other?

word count: 5.2k | genre: heavy angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle | pairings: wonwoo x f! reader, mingyu x f! reader | warnings: mentions of alcohol, heartbreaks, cursing, bad mental health, mentions of food, tiny bit of physical fighting

mingyu had always been in love with you, since the moment he met you; he couldn’t get you out of his head, it was something about the way you smiled at him or the way your eyes lit up when you saw him. just like as if he was put under a magical spell, he was mesmerised by you, he felt like you were his soulmate.

except, this was not a fairytale. this was real life.

“hey, you seem like you just got dumped or something let me treat you to a drink, okay?” a guy next to you observed.

he could recall the the first time you two had met like it was yesterday. it happened to be in a place odd enough; a bar. you had the first heartache of your life and went out to drink your pain away and happened to sit next to him at the bar.

“is it that obvious?” you laughed weakly. he offered a grin in return. “i know a broken heart when i see one.” he said with the same smile on his face. “speaking from experience?” you blurted, a bit tipsy, hands clamping onto your mouth following the remark. his soft look saddened. “sorry, didn’t wanna pry into your life.” you apologised, shame rising in you. “no worries.” he said reassuringly. he saw your almost empty glass and got back to the topic. “so, which one is the lucky drink today?” he joked, motioning for you to choose one from the menu on the table. “surprise me.” you said, playing along with his silly game. “my pleasure.” he faked a bow in sitting position, tilting his head. “you have to turn around or at least not look at the drink, it isn’t gonna be a surprise if you do.” he emphasized, “don’t worry, i am not gonna put anything in it, she can assure you about that, right?” he projected his gaze towards the bartender who nodded siletly. “okay then, but it better be good.” you giggled, twisting your body in the opposite direction so you couldn’t see the drink itself. after the bartender finished the mysterious beverage, she handed it to you, and you accepted it. “thanks.” you returned her kind smile and took a sip of your drink, not knowing what kind of alcohol it contained. “tequila? you have a good taste.” you said after tasting the medicine-like bitterness on your tongue. he laughed out loud. “it is said to be curing heartbreaks.” he told. “i mean it is indeed bitter, might as well be the solution for stress too, isn’t it?” you mumbled in a melancolic tone. he put his hand out for you to shake. “i’m mingyu by the way.” he grinned. you couldn’t surpress the smile that made its way onto your face, and shook his hand firmly. “y/n. nice to meet you, mingyu.”

“i can’t believe you don’t want to tell me his name, after all the times i heard you dreaming about him in front of me! you know how sappy you can be when daydreaming?” fast forward to three years later you guys were sitting in your bedroom, and mingyu was listening to your rambles about your long time crush, jeon wonwoo. he didn’t know it was him though, of course he didn’t know; wonwoo was initially a friend of his, but after stepping foot into mingyu’s inner circle years ago you got to know him yourself, and fell for him. hard. mingyu didn’t know how hard it was to not let him in on this, you truly wished you could have his support, but you had no choice. he was your best friend; you really appreciated mingyu with a full heart, but you just couldn’t tell him your biggest secret, not after failing in love so many times, after all the occasions he had to pick up and glue back together the broken pieces of your heart, you wanted to spare him from having to deal with your bullshit for another time, even so having the possibility of choosing between his friend and you if things didn’t end well.

”y/n, we have been over this so many times, you should ask him out already! i cannot go another week, no, another minute with you whining about it!” he teased you, resulting in you blushing. he loved seeing you blush; you were really pretty with a dust of pink on your face, especially if he knew he was the reason why you got shy. “mingyu, stop! i already told you i am not about to get my heart broken another time!” when you said this sentence he became more serious. he was there for you after you two had met at the bar and you suffered the consequences of a rejection from the first guy you loved in your life. and he had been there for all the heartbreaks ever since, building your confidence up again and again, from nothing. he knew how much that hurt you and on second thought he never wished to see you in that state ever again. “you know what, i might as well take that back.” he agreed, to which you looked at your knees, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. he understood well what played out in your head; he knew you like the back of his hand. he forced you to look into his eyes, a firm look on his face. “look, i don’t want you to get that sad you were when we met. you are my best friend.” he paused for a moment. “all i want is to see you happy. however, for once, you need your happy ending, and that takes many tries sometimes.” you gave him a sad smile. “i know you do, mingyu, i know. and thank you for being here and supporting me. one day i will tell you about him. be patient. please?” you pleaded, and he gave you a determined nod, getting on with your conversation, putting this heavy topic aside for your sake.

“i am so sorry y/n, but i am afraid that i can’t reciprocate your feelings.” wonwoo said, but you didn’t hear it. all you could focus on was holding your tears back, so you didn’t seem any more patethic than you already were, pouring out your heart to him, getting it shattered into millions of pieces. you asked him to meet you at the park for a walk, thinking your next move through after your conversation with mingyu and deciding that you had enough of the waiting and you needed to confess. well, it was definitely a stupid idea. you honestly didn’t know what you had expected; you saw the way he looked at that one girl from the coffee shop he worked at part time, they worked together most of the time, being almost the only ones who ran the place besides the owner. he obviously liked her, not you, but you confessed anyways, what a waste of time and energy.

“it is totally fine wonwoo, it’s okay, no worries! let’s just forget this ever happened, okay?” it was not fine. you were not fine, but still managed to put a forced smile on your face, as big as it could get. “but i should really go now, i forgot about something!” you turned on your heels, choking back the tears you had been holding. “but y/n wait-“ he said but you cut him off. “see you later, bye!” you managed to get out while already running away. you didn’t know where your legs were taking you, but one thing was sure; anywhere just to be away from wonwoo. while hurrying to go to a quieter place to let your emotions out you bumped into someone. “sorry.” you stuttered; when you looked up above the wide shoulders in your vision you saw mingyu’s face with confusion written all over it. his eyes widened “what are you doing here-“ he tried to question, but you pushed him away and started running down the street. “what is going on?” he shouted after you, but didn’t follow; he knew you and how you liked to have your space when getting upset over something, so he never forced you to talk about the issues with him. he would always just text you right after hearing the news and eventually you would come to him yourself; you always did.

but not this time.

he waited for days.

weeks.

months.

you never spoke about what happened that day and what upset you, or about the thing that made you distance yourself from your friends, including him. after that particular day he rarely saw you, and when he did it was only on occasions when just the two of you hung out; that was all he could get you to do, very rarely. when the other guys organised group gatherings you usually cancelled them with some lame excuse last minute; he never believed them, but he stayed silent.

after another few weeks of the situation not getting better he wanted to take action to find out what was wrong, so he made a plan to invite you for a drink at your favourite place.

“mingyu i am very busy and you know that.” you said over the phone when he called you in the afternoon. there was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. “please, we haven’t hung out in like, forever. i miss you, y/n. i really do.” your heart jumped in fear; you had been avoiding all your friends on purpose, but not mingyu, no, you would never want to do that to him. you felt guilt creeping up on you as you could imagine his big puppy dog eyes looking at you, pleading for you to soften and give in to him, which you of couse did. you sighed. “you may be right, i did neglect our friendship. i am sorry mingyu. so, where are we going?” he shouted in excitement. “yes! i knew you would give in to me y/n, you cannot resist me.” he joked to which even if he couldn’t see it, you raised an eyebrow and rolled your eyes. “in your dreams, silly.” you answered. “we are going to your favourite bar! just like old times, remember?” he giggled; that place held so many memories to both of you, laughing or crying, didn’t matter, you loved being there with him. “so just the usual, got it. see you there, text me the exact date. bye mingyu.” you hung up, worry already being heavy on your shoulders; you knew you had to come clean about what happened months ago. although mingyu knew you very well, you did too, so you didn’t doubt that eventually he would ask about the reason of your social distancing, looking like that time had come.

mingyu greeted you at the usual seats in the corner of one of the private rooms; they were basically reserved for you guys, considering how many times you had been sitting in them, talking about this and that, in this case your love life being on the menu of the chit-chat. “so y/n, let’s get to the point.” he started, and you already knew the continuation. “i think you understand why i called you here without me needing to explain in detail. it has been months since that incident. so, tell me. what’s up? are you okay?” he pouted. mingyu was an emotional guy, he really cared for the well-being of his closest friends and he always made it his mission to help them, you frequently being one of his top priorities. if he wanted to be honest he cared for you ten times more than his other friends, they could solve their problems on their own; however, you relied on him a lot, which he didn’t mind; he got used to it pretty quickly, enjoying being trusted by the person whom he adored so much in this world. you looked at him with a heavy heart, tension being so nerve-wrecking while you contemplated whether you would make the right choice by speaking about wonwoo. “sorry ‘gyu, i just couldn’t bring myself to tell you, but i guess now i cannot run away, i know you would figure it out yourself anyways” you turned to him, talking slowly. he listened attentively, encouraging you to go on. “…so here i am, telling you the secret you have been so eager to know. i should start at the very beginning, right?”

“then he rejected me.” you cried into his chest, his arms wrapping around your form protectively. “he fucking rejected me! after all the years i have spent loving him from a distance i succesfully mustered up the courage to tell him, and this is what i get mingyu!” your cries continued steadily, and mingyu was quick to stroke your hair, patting it repeatedly. “why does nobody i love loves me back? do i not deserve happiness in life? am i unloveable, ‘gyu?” you looked into his eyes, tears pricking your own; he could see the pain you had been through in the past few months. he knew how hard it was for you to get over even a crush, not talking about real love. he could see it on you; that you really loved wonwoo, sincerely. it was easy to tell, really; if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have been so upset for this long. and this is exactly why he was really mad at his friend for breaking your heart. “of course you are loveable y/n. gosh, you are the most loveable person i have ever known, so stop with the nonsense. he doesn’t deserve you. he doesn’t deserve the love you have in you, the jokes you make that make everyone want to laugh immediately, the look you give to people you adore and respect, the way your eyes light up when you see a cute dog, or the way you cannot resist those delicious cookies they sell at the bakery next to your apartment and buy them every time they have them freshly out from the oven. he wouldn’t appreciate the meals you cook by yourself and decide to share with your friends, the kind words you have towards everyone, every day, or the help you offer to others without hesitation, even if it puts you at a disadvantage.” he finished his monologue, taking your hands into his. “you deserve the most happiness there is on this planet.” he whispered, almost looking like he was afraid if he said it any louder you would disappear into thin air. “do you really think so?” you mumbled, voice hoarse from crying so much in the span of an hour. “i know so.” he said gently, hugging you softly. “so, is this the reason why you have been avoiding the group meetings? you didn’t want to look into his eyes after the confession?” he gave you a knowing look, having caught on pretty quickly, not to your surprise though; mingyu was a smart guy, he connected the dots easily. you just nodded silently, too embarrassed to say anything about it. it wasn’t the first time you had gotten emotional with mingyu, but this felt different; you weren’t that young anymore, it wasn’t a silly little crush, or a minor inconvenience. regardless, it felt great to have him back and involved with your life again, after these painfully long weeks you admittedly missed his presence an awful lot. you grew more tired with time and closed your eyes when you heard him whisper. ”everything will be okay y/n.” he promised, and you started to believe him.

“so, it was you all along. i should’ve known.” mingyu laughed bitterly while walking up to wonwoo; they were in the practice room, tension already high thanks to new choreography, however the pair had been holding back as much as they could, until the day mingyu found out about you and wonwoo. he squeezed wonwoo’s shoulder, maybe a bit harder than comfortable or necessary. “gosh, i don’t understand. what’s so special about you?” he wondered out loud regarding the rethorical question, gritting his teeth, clearly for the other to hear it. “what is your problem mingyu? what the hell are you even talking about?” the shorter one quizzed, not getting the point of mingyu’s words. “you literally broke y/n’s heart. never took you for the type to hurt others.” mingyu spat out, disgusted by the words rolling off his tongue. realisation hit wonwoo, and he frowned upon remembering the memory. “i wasn’t trying to hurt her feelings.” wonwoo calmly replied. “damn brother, you really outdid yourself with that one there.” mingyu commented again while not even paying attention to his friend, walking away. after this wonwoo couldn’t stay silent; he grabbed mingyu and made him look into his black eyes, dangerously shining. “what the fuck ‘gyu? yes, i didn’t reciprocate y/n’s feelings, so what? im sorry, but should i just ignore what my heart says just to save her from heartbreak? look, she will get over it. this doesn’t work like that, but you seem to be having no idea of what love is like-“ “shut the fuck up! you think i don’t know that? that what the heart wants the heart wants? i love her! i love her and she loves you out of all people!” mingyu screamed at him in frustration. “you should’ve made her happy. happier. she deserves happiness with the person she loves the most, even if it’s not me, even it is you, asshole.” mingyu sighed, disappointed. wonwoo’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his hands. “so this is what this was all about, your crush on y/n. how couldn’t i notice it earlier?” he wondered in a surprised tone, to which mingyu kicked him in the shin. “of course, yell it out to the whole world, would you?” he mocked wonwoo who kicked him back in the process. “ouch!” the taller one yelped. “this was for yelling at me,” wonwoo stated, “…and this one is for being this big of a coward to tell her how you feel and blaming it on me.” and with that he slapped mingyu’s arm, the man groaning in pain from the impact.

“love really took the remaining braincells in your head didn’t it? stand up for yourself for god’s sake!” wonwoo lectured, wanting mingyu to cut him some slack because he rarely had anything to do with his anger. “you are the one she loves, not me, i will forever stay the best friend in her eyes. my hands are tied here, brother. can’t you give her a chance? just a few dates? maybe you could get to know her a bit more and fall in love.” mingyu suggested in a low tone, not very fond of the idea, but rather desperate to make your dreams come true; he just wanted you to be truly content with your life, even though if it meant getting you together with his friend, he swore on bringing the moon and the stars to you just to see your happiness, even if it broke him into pieces. “seriously? you know that me talking to her will cause more damage, right? and how shitty of a person you think i am to date someone my best friend loves?” wonwoo sighed, scolding mingyu for not thinking more rationally. “i can get over her, but whatever, forget about it.” mingyu said and then stormed out of the practice room. wonwoo followed him and grabbed his arm. “fine, if this is what you want i will do it. then tell her to text me, because i don’t think she even wants to talk to me. she didn’t even wait for me to finish! i didn’t want to sound so harsh, but i didn’t even have the chance to say anything because she stormed off just like you did now!” wonwoo was grumpy, mad even; he liked you, you were a great friend, he just couldn’t see you in a different light, he had never intended to hurt your feelings. “good, i will. i know she hasn’t gotten over you.” mingyu smiled a bit, wonwoo letting his arm go.

mingyu hadn’t heard from you in a few days and you hadn’t been replying to his messages so he decided to surprise you by going to your workplace after your day ended to pick you up and go out to eat something delicious together, but when he arrived at the building and went inside unexpected news greeted him. “what do you mean she hasn’t been to work?” he asked the recetionist at the ground floor after hearig that you weren’t working. “like i said; she has been on sick leave for a few days already.” he was at a loss of words; why didn’t you tell him that you were sick? you knew he could cook you some soup and help if you felt that bad. regardless, he got into his car after thanking the lady for the help and drove to your apartment. after arriving at your doorstep he knocked on the door, but no answer came from you. “y/n? are you there? i heard that you were sick.” again, silence. “i know where you keep your spare key, so if you don’t open the door i will come in myself, don’t do this to me y/n.” he pleaded, trying to keep his cool and not think about how you could be passed out on the floor and seriously hurt, that being the reason why you never replied to him in the first place. he took the key from underneath the mat in front of the door and stepped inside. there was darkness everywhere around the house, only a small source of light coming out from under your bedroom door which was closed. he hurried through the hall where he could clearly make out your crying through the walls. “y/n? are you in here?” following his question the wailing stopped and he heard a gasp, then the door opened, revealing a very tired you; messy hair, dark circles under your eyes, which were by the way red from crying. “aww what’s wrong?” mingyu asked, pulling you into a hug. “at your office they said you were sick. are you?” he asked, not even waiting for an answer, already putting his hand on your forehead. you pushed it away. “no, i’m not. i lied to them. i lied because i am not okay, ‘gyu.” you sobbed, feeling pathetic that you couldn’t get over the heartbreak of wonwoo rejecting you, even though it had been a long time since the incident. “look, i know it hurts, but life goes on y/n. you can’t hide from everyone forever just because someone hurt you. you know how much i love you and how much pain i am in seeing you suffer, but you need to get it together.” you looked up at him, admitting that you indeed had to sort your feelings out. “and also, i might have a solution for you. what if i said that wonwoo wants to hang out with you?” he grinned, looking kind of crazy from your perspective. “mingyu this is not funny!” you pouted, not believing that he would joke about this; this was really out of line from him. “i am being serious y/n, you would know if you read my messages! i sent like a dozen of them that i had important news. he said he wanted to talk to you, maybe go to the park or something? like on a walk? whatever, you two can figure that out yourselves, point is that i delivered his message. now go text him.” he urged you to take action, and being the good girl you are you put your fear aside, accepted his help and texted wonwoo.

it had been months after the first text message regarding the ‘getting to know each other’ agreement between wonwoo and you, and things seemed to be working out pretty well for the two of you, feeling closer and closer to each other day by day. you had to admit, he was an exceptional person with values similar to yours, you had never ever imagined to be clicking with him so quickly; you hoped he felt the same.

“i heard that you and wonwoo get along really well y/n.” mingyu mentioned while walking along the line of the pavement in front of you when the two of you went for grocery shopping for a party the friends of mingyu had been planning for several weeks. you tilted your head and turned it in his direction; you had been talking to and meeting up with wonwoo after sorting things out about the confession, but didn’t expect him to tell mingyu how it had been going.

“did wonwoo talk about me? wow that’s impressive, it really means we are going in a good direction i suppose.” you wondered; you were not sure about where you pre-dating stage was going to lead you as you had not been in contact with wonwoo as much because all of you guys had busy schedules. “yeah, i think he is starting to fall for you. good job!” mingyu patted the crown of your head, just like when the teacher praises the elementary school students for getting an answer right on a test. you had been brighter in the last months, even considering how nothing was guaranteed with wonwoo, taking it slow, you most certainly did look happier, him assuming it must be already enough for your confidence and joy levels to rise to be able to do something with wonwoo, even as friends for the time being. however, mingyu’s heart had been slowly shattering into more pieces by the day; his feelings for you became stronger with time, after you searching for comfort in him on that night at the bar he just couldn’t stop himself from falling for you harder, even with knowing you wouldn’t return those feelings. he had been working on trying to accept the situation, trying to accept his place and role in your life as your best friend; it was not easy.

you chuckled at his action, winking at him in return. “what can i say? it looks like i am irresistable after all, don’t you think?” his face changed very quickly, though it was barely noticeable; for a moment his eyes grew sadder but he regained his composure in just a second and put on a big smile for you. “yeah, i told you so. now let’s get that grocery shopping done.”

when you arrived at the party after going home following the shopping trip to get ready many people had been there already; it was hard to find anyone you knew. you spotted mingyu in the crowd and he locked eyes with you, waving. “y/n! come here!” he shouted through the noise of the music and you pushed yourself through the wave of people in the living room. “hi.“ you greeted the others shyly; it had been many weeks since you participated in a group activity, since the incident with wonwoo. you came because you missed the boys; you didn’t treat them well and they didn;t deserve it, they had always took care of you like you were their family. “hi y/n, nice to have you here.” wonwoo, who just arrived with a few drinks added, giving you a smile.

“can i have this dance?” wonwoo questioned when taking the empty place next to your right side; you were dancing with mingyu to one of your favourite songs, bodies moving to the rhythm in sync. you took a peak at mingyu’s face, looking for a sign that he heard the question too. he gave you a quick nod and let go of your hand, wonwoo taking it instead and leading you further into the crowd of friends. mingyu watched as the two pair of you and wonwoo laughed and talked while moving on the makeshift dancefloor in the room, then disappearing from sight. he stared into the distance with a sad smile on his face, every nerve in his body concentrating on not lettng him be bitter about it and trying to encourage himself to be happy for you; afterall it was what you wanted, wonwoo’s love.

as mingyu turned around the corner of the hallway he caught a glimpse of wonwoo leaning in and slowly kissing you by the kitchen counter, your hands moving to link behind his neck, him pulling you closer, flush against his body. you were lost in the moment so you didn’t hear mingyu’s footsteps come into the room. “oh.” this was all he could manage to get out, words light as a feathery whisper, freezing in place for several seconds, watching the scene unfold in front of him. after seemingly regaining his composure he turned around his heels, planning on going back to the party in the living room. his steps were long, slow even, dragging his limbs like he didn’t have the energy to move forward in any sense possible; he entered the bathroom instead of the space where everybody had been enjoying their night, standing in front of the mirror, watching himself in it closely. he watched as the teardrop he knew he had been holding in slid down his cheek and dropped to the sink below, as the smile he put on for the entire night disappeared, more tears starting to fall with it.

mingyu was a strong person, there was no doubt in that; but even the strongest fighters and warriors get wounded. he let go of the white surface, slowly opening the door as quietly as he could, taking his coat from the hanger it had been placed on before. upon stepping outside into the night he sent a text to his friend informing him about him leaving so they wouldn’t get too worried. he got into the car, driving down the road, arriving at a familiar place; the bar. he bought a drink, then made his way into the usual room, sitting down in the chair which used to be yours, where the two of you would chat for hours about random topics, where he realised that he was falling for you; where it all started. he closed his watery eyes and held his breath, silence and stillness surrounding the place, not the slightest trace of anyone’s presence there, not even his, like he wanted to believe he could vanish if he tried hard enough.

he exhaled; staring at the ceiling, tears continuously coming from those sad chocolate brown orbs, every beat of his heart, the heart that had been beating for you all this time, tearing it a bit further apart. eventually the tears stopped, only a shaky sigh being left behind, mouth open, words forming, but not yet ready to come out. mingyu’s hand reached his cheeks, brushing away the evidence of his walls crumbling down, lifting the drink to his mouth, taking a sip from it.

“goodbye my love.” he whispered to himself while the sip of tequila entered his taste buds; it had never been this bitter.

[inexplicablymine]

Maybe because it’s 3:42 in the morning and I’m feeling maudlin, but let me be sappy for a moment of your time dear internet.

Because dear internet, you fucking suck. There is no other way around it, from stan trolls, to the rampant isms that plague platforms, to the depths of hatred that seem to be so easily spewed from a screen, you take the pits of hell and present it to us in nice, neat, perfectly packaged bite size pieces. Dante’s Inferno might have been a fan fiction of the Bible, but you have found a way to push us, unwillingly, through the nine circles of hell all on your own.

But dear internet, in between all the faff and pieces of your mainframe that I can’t seem to stand, I have found the most wonderful people. In the dusty corners of a discord chat, discussed between the tags of reblogs, in intermittent DM’s, through AO3 comments, and a whole host of cobbled together platforms stuffed underneath a trench coat trying to appear put together… I have found community.

Even if just for an infinitesimal moment, for a shred of time, for the split second it takes to slip into something more, I am reminded that all we have in this world when it’s all said and done are the relationships we have built with others, the love we have doled out to the people around us, and the kindness we have fostered for friends we have made.

I sit here with tears in my eyes and a frog in my throat feeling thankful that these wonderful talented fantastical people from all over the globe are my friends. That I get to have them in my life. That their silly words, and laughter, and imagination get to mark up my brain and settle deeply into the grooves of who I am as a person.

So dear internet, you might suck truly, madly, deeply but some of the people hiding between your folds of code make me feel like even though the world is on fire, and gets closer to the inevitable end with each and every waking moment, I now have the kinds of people who make it worth doing more than just survive.

My community, my friends, my silly little names in my phone, thank you for making this year bearable, exciting, and brand new.

[sburbian-sage]

You know, you get all these people who talk about the funny and silly things they do in their sessions and the weird things they find but

I feel like you dont get enough people that talk about how utterly horrifying it is to live like this

To be eternally stuck in a body thats never yours and be forced through death over and over and over

I should be turning 65 this year or at least close, copious amounts of time travel make it impossible to keep accurate track. Ive gone through dozens and dozens of sessions, learned things, forgotten most, ive loved and lived and died, and fought and fought and fought because in sburb you can never stop fighting not even for a moment

Ive turned entire sessions into fragmented code and ripped open holes into the deepest of voids and me and my coplayers jump in every time, new friends, new beings, new lives

Ive waded through the gene code slop of cancerous frogs and come out the other side more construct and grist than flesh only to wake up eternally 13

Ive killed at least a dozen coplayers, either because they were pkers or for the safety of my other coplayers

Ive been transitioning in every session for nearly 30 years only to finish the game and wake up 13 in the wrong body over and over

Sburb is hell, or as close as we can get

But its also so, so, beautiful

Watching skaia break the horizon on prospit and sink below on derse, hundreds of lands never cease to be beautiful in their own ways, fog on broken buildings and mist in endless pines, oceans of anything imaginable sloshing on candy cane beaches and sand made of broken screens

The birth of a Genesis Frog is continuously one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, the sheer majesty of a being that contains a universe, of such internal scale that it boggles the mind

Sburb is so many many things but above all it is a game of creation and survival, its a world drunk on its own pure space, pure volume. Where the laws of physics don't exist and space is a suggestion and time less than a guidebook, its imagination in its purest most distilled form

Its my home, and the only thing ive ever known

I was originally going to be really mean and point out that "nobody talks about how badly SBURB sucks" because everyone already knows it. Every bad thing you described, 20 people are experiencing *right now*, in this very moment. It's kind of like walking into the Room Full of Spikes That Stab You In The Eyes, seeing that everyone is telling stories to take their mind off of things, and then asking why they don't acknowledge how painful the spikes are. But this kind of turned into a sappy vent post. Which I also don't like, but I'll allow it this one time.

Sorry to hear about the transitioning thing, by the way. I'm fairly certain that SBURB should be scanning your brain and generating Dream Self and God Tier bodies congruent with whatever's in there. Either this is a very bad and persistent bug you've kept running into, or you're genderquirked in a different way. Every time I've seen discussions on this topic, it's always centered binary trans people. Maybe the nonbinaries are better at dealing with it, or turned into oysters and can't type or something.

I am glad to hear about everything else though. Fight on!

[thedrarrylibrarian]

Several people have been kind enough to let me publish their thoughts on fandom, community, and queerness to celebrate Pride in the Library. Today's piece comes from @getawayfox.

First of all I want to say thank you, dear Librarian, for inviting me to participate in such an incredible project. Being part of it means more than I can explain.  

Like many others, I have discovered my queerness via reading fic. It was an actual, classic italicized "oh" moment for me and I can still pinpoint the fic that did it (I thought about sharing a link but it’s actually deeply personal for me, so it will keep living in my brain). And I kept reading because it felt like I was discovering more about my true self that had been pushed under the rug for so long. Being from a small town and growing up with a bigoted parent didn’t allow me a lot in this area before.

But what happened next was even more amazing: I made friends with creators of these fics that mean so much, with people that keep the fandom going, and I was able to chat about anything and everything with them – from our love of HP, our daily lives, to our insecurities and deepest secrets. And it is so freeing to have people in your life, no matter how many timezones away, who are there for you, who understand the parts of you that are hard to explain sometimes.

IRL my queerness is often invisible and I sometimes struggle with the classic "am I queer enough" question. It’s thanks to this community that I know I am. It’s thanks to this community I have learned to take up space. It’s thanks to this community I went to my first pride years ago and I have been every year since. It’s this community I can turn to when I feel insecure or joyous. It’s being part of a project like this that makes me feel like I belong.

Thank you, El, for joining me in the Library. What you said about being able to celebrate queerness with a community really resounded with me, and I appreciate that you took the time to celebrate Pride in the Library here with us.

If you want more @getawayfox, be sure to check out her fics and art on AO3! I especially love her work one for keeping. It's the perfect blend of fic and art featuring Harry and Draco being silly and sappy and sarcastic with each other. My favorite chapter is Chapter 12, Home. It's a beautiful domestic scene, and has a special place in my heart.

🏳️‍🌈 Lots of Love and Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

[ittybittytoasty]

happy new years everyone!! :3

im gonna ramble for a bit because i'm feeling a bit sappy reflecting on this year, so feel free to skip if you'd like!

while this year had a good amount of ups and downs, i can confidently say it was one of the best years of my fucking life. i got to start it out by moving in with the love and light of my life, my partner Jas. being able to get out of my small town and away from my less than great family was absolutely incredible. while i struggled a bit with guilt and had to start learning to cope with all the trauma i had built up, i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. because for one of the first times in my life, i wasn't alone. after all these years of depression and heart ache and grief, i finally got to feel the sunshine again. i feel more connected to who i am as a person than i have since middle school. this year i finally got to get my childish whimsy back, and i cannot tell you how much joy it's brought me. i got to make banana bread with my boyfriend and slow dance while it baked. i got to write poetry and drink hot tea. i reconnected with my love and passion for my little pony, something i had long abandoned trying to be an 'adult,' i went on vacation for the first time in years, and got to see the ocean. and just a few weeks ago i got to go to an aquarium for the first time.

i still have my bad days, and my rough moments, i still feel stressed and anxious, but oh my god i'm so happy.

thank you so much to my partner, for being there with me through it all. there is so much i could write to you (and I will) but i love you so so much and i couldn't have done this with out you.

thank you to ally, for being such a kind friend. i am so thankful that we became closer this year, i value our friendship more than i could put into words. i love talking to you and i cant wait to do it more this year.

thank you to sara for keeping it silly, i love talking to you about everything creative. im so proud of you.

thank you to everyone who has reblogged my posts and left sweet comments, some days life is hard and it really helps being able to connect with strangers. i read every tag and comment and appreciate them all.

thank you to all of my friends who helped me get through, i love you all.

and thank you to everyone i forgor (i sorry :( )

i wish you all happiness and healing in 2024, we did it! and we can do it again, i believe in you.

yours truly,

Toasty Valentine

[distant-screaming]

patjorn, seanmaitee, tiwpor, inkpa, patpran (all ships sorryyy)

I love them thank u sm beloveddd

Patjorn!

When I started shipping them: I didn't ship them during the show, but i was doing character analyses etc and I went 'oh WAIT A MOMENT THIS IS ACTUALLY KIND OF HILARIOUS'

My thoughts: they're so silly <3 like mostly I just like their dynamic bc it would be really funny

What makes me happy about them: they'd be one of the calmer couples of Chinzhilla which doesn't say anything about them as much as it says something about the others

What makes me sad about them: they're not canon </3 they made pat sad and lonely instead

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: there's like 3 fics for them on ao3 and I love all three with my whole heart so...nothing

My wishlist: they have sustained eye contact in the os2 episode and NOTHING ELSE. it would be so so funny

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Kajorn...no one <3 an off screen character? And I am also a patpor enjoyer!!

My happily ever after for them: they accidentally start dating and don't realize until they own a house together <3333

Seanmaithee!

When I started shipping them: I LITERALLY THOUGHT THEY WERE THE SECONDARY COUPLE SINCE THE. DRINKING SCENE. BUT NO I GOT MY HEART BROKEN INSTEAD

My thoughts: my besties my bffs. They got done dirty by os2 because as much as I love winnysatang that was embarrassing. Kings of long term pining. Ideal dynamic.

What makes me happy about them: the aforementioned fascinating dynamic - they're friends they're besties they have a crush on the new boy neither of them are serious about it Maithee keeps flirting Sean keeps reigning him back in THEY'RE SO FUNNY

What makes me sad about them: again the whole not canon thing :( but also inherent angst in seeing your long term crush flirt with everything that moves except you vs not flirting with the only guy you really like because he's special

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: what fanfics.jpeg

My wishlist: nothing tbh 😀 give Pawin and Satang more shows

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: nayseanmaithee SEAN HAS TWO HANDS!! I'M SAYING!!!!

My happily ever after for them: they realise they're in love w each other and spend the rest of their lives being sappy and gross

Tiwpor!

When I started shipping them: 'I can make anything you want to eat!' 'I want to eat you.' (crickets) ((also the Just Being Friendly MV))

My thoughts: they're so squish shaped. Silly little guys 💕

What makes me happy about them: they would be the It Couple for REAL!! Also Tiw deserves a bf as does Por

What makes me sad about them: the fact that they're both kind of dense so it probably takes them a hot minute to get together

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: haven't read any bad tiwpor fics tbh

My wishlist: they h/ld h/nds on screen...........

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: aforementioned patpor enjoyer!! For Tiw... no one I can think of atm

My happily ever after for them: they get engaged and Tiw becomes a big name director and Por plays with Chinzhilla and models and they both love and support each other so so much

Inkpa!

When I started shipping them: when Pat ditched them on his 'date' w Ink and inkpa started flirting instead (Ink being visibly much more interested)

My thoughts: I love them so so much!! They were the first canon lesbians I saw in bl and I ascended!!!! And their dynamic >>

What makes me happy about them: they care for each other so much.... and they're so silly in love.... and Pa is still learning about herself and Ink is so. SCREAMS

What makes me sad about them: nothing at all they're my comfort ship <- is fully aware of the angst implications but it viciously ignoring it

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:... It's another nothing because the inkpa/bbs writers are so so good tbh

My wishlist: they're happy and in love in os2 ✨ <- delusional

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: ANYONE BUT WAI :)))) but tbh I can't see either of them with any on screen character

My happily ever after for them: they adopt a cat and live out their dreams and kiss each other all the time and revel in kicking patpran's metaphorical nuts by virtue of being better than them in every way ❤️

Patpran!

When I started shipping them: ep 1 when Pat helps Pran get away from Korn + the others??? Yeah bbs was my first bl so I was like 👁️👁️ OKAY THEN. UM. ALRIGHT.

My thoughts: my besties!!!

What makes me happy about them: there are just. So many chances for everything to go wrong. A million different choices that end in them breaking up or breaking each other's heart or anything else. But they still choose to love each other. Every Single Time.

What makes me sad about them: the fact that they have to hide their relationship while inkpa can be open and happy!! And they don't begrudge inkpa at all they're so happy for them!! But it's still. It hurts. And it's so (sorry for being insane about them it WILL happen again)

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I haven't read patpran fanfic in a hot minute so I don't really remember

My wishlist: they're stupid flirty bfs even with the hairstyles in os2 and I don't ascend the moment they come on screen

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Pat and Korn because I'm a friends to lovers truther and it would be hysterical. Pran and his guitar because he deserves it

My happily ever after for them: they get married and invite their parents and don't hide anything because they are their own people and they love each other so much and they cuddle every single day and they retire by the seaside and -

[hearts-hunger]

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDIE, MY LITERAL ACTUAL BELOVED <3 i hope you have the best day EVER and that this year brings you everything you could ever hope for! 💕🫶🏻🥳

not to be too too sappy on main but i’m so glad greta brought me you! 🥹 you are kind and sweet and such a good friend and somehow you’re inside my brain all the time? i love our convos and spamming each other’s notifs and just completely wilding out in the dms over whatever unhinged behavior danny’s up to that day 😵‍💫

i wouldn’t want to share a brain cell with anyone else 🫶🏻 sending you so many smooches and hugs today (and always) and hoping you feel so so loved on your special day! MWAH MWAH MWAH

(cowboy danny is tipping his hat to you and saying happy birthday, darlin 😘🤠)

hannah you are such a shining star and i am so grateful to be a part of your universe. i was just thinking the other day trying to remember how we even became friends, and i think i don't remember one moment in particular because from the beginning it just felt so natural and like we were meant to be a part of each other's lives. im so thankful for you and the silly boys that brought us together, and being unhinged with you about said silly boys is one of my favorite things about life right now. i love you and i know this year will be good because you're in it 🥺🩷

[ohdudedhesflirting]

For me when a company, a school, or a university say they are a family it’s when it’s the worst... Will from my experience that’s when it was worse ! They are no good companies that actually care ? They pretend to but they actually don’t. But at least when they are pretending it’s a little bit better ? Idk how to explain

I think I know what you mean. I also am scared of the phrase “Work hard, play hard.” 

You are not an illiterate writer. For me there is no such thing as that and get ready for a sappy moment but writing is hard, very hard and having people read it is hard as well. Taking the courage of writing is something and many people get stuck. So don’t you are illiterate. I am sure you are brilliant.

Aww, thank you. I mean it more as a jokingly way because I made a lot of silly errors (even though I try to proof read) and sometimes when I’m reading (even simple stuff like fanfics), I do get a bit confused or am not 100% sure. This is kind of why I decided to try writing. I

If you allow let me tell you a bit about my story with writing. (You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to). I always write stuff, when I was a kid and I didn’t like the ending of a good I would take a pen and scribble over it. I was writing little stories as well. I started to write seriously when I was 13 yo. And I started writing 2 books at that moment (never finished them). I had some MAJOR health problems when I was 13-14-15 and I was doing very bad. Writing and reading helped me a lot. When I was around 17 I had ideas for a new book, I planned it and I wrote it. A whole book of more than 300 pages. My bay. I was 19 at that point and friends and my mom read it and loved it. I send it off to house of editions, and I was rejected. I think I must be at 7-10 rejections now ? Since then I feel sick whenever I try to write, what was once my comfort became something that me sick. Now I’m trying to get back to writing with those fanfic but the nauseous feeling is still there.  (Lord I made myself sad lol) 

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t imagine that it was easy. Also, don’t feel pressured to share what you’re not comfortable with or it brings too many negative emotions; after all, I’m just some person on the Internet who’s trying to be friends with you (lol). I’m sorry to hear about your health problems when you were younger and I hope you are feeling better. I can relate because I been experiencing some since two years ago. It’s A LOT better now especially since I’m not working but we’ll see once I get back to come 😢

It’s amazing that you were writing two books even if you haven’t finished them at the age of 13, and I’m glad that you found something to help you through the hard times. 300 pages? Dang, it’s hard for me to even write like 50 pages.

Also, keep in mind that you’re very young (you’re born in 2002 so I’m assuming you’re either 20 or 21 years old) and I feel like a lot of authors get a lot of rejections. Remember, you only need one “yes.” Not only that, many things including pieces of writing are subjective so don’t think you’re bad or anything like that. Some people will like your work, some might not (like it could just be not their taste or preference, etc) and that’s okay 😊 You can’t control other people’s thoughts but you can control how you feel about when you publish your work so personally, I try to make sure when I publish something, I’m proud of or at least satisfied with. 

I kind of get your nauseous experience because I feel it to especially when I publish a particular series that I'm currently working on because based on notes, I feel like it's not being well received (though I get it because some people might be shy to like something or like to be a silent reader and that's ok -- I was one of those people but now I try to comment or reblog for works I really enjoyed because it makes me soooo happy when people do that for my work so I would imagine it'd likely the author happy too).

It was the first IU song that was in the list. I have a terrible memory I am sorry.

Ah, no just wanted to confirm what you like so I can try to be mindful when I recommend you songs. I type too much. 

For the lesserafim song it’s just aphas something in the melody that itches my brain the wrong way ? It’s the same for aespa songs actually every time I try to listen to one it make my brain itch in a bad way ? I guess it must be something in the melodies or the way the voices are arranged ?

Okay, yeah, I think I get what you mean. For me, I just can’t listen to some aespa songs. No need to explain yourself! I was mainly curious so I can be more mindful in the future 😊

Stromae is a Belgium singer/composer and he is amazing and the lyrics are always very deep ! Stayc vocals truly are amazing and I also think xikers have a lot of potential ! And I love enha I have two of their albums lol

I’ll definitely check out Stromae’s songs when I get the chance. I been learning more Korean as well and using some song lyrics as practice and woah, a few songs I been listening for a long time to have an entire different meaning now that I know them. It’s even better lool. 

First of all you are American ?? I feel like going to kcon would be an amazing experience and from what I remember the lineup is crazy ! If you feel like it’s your only chance to see them try and go for it ! That would be awesome memories ! (I totally get that going to Korea/ Japan is scary and could be very overwhelming!

I’m from Canada but the plane ride to LA is fairly cheap because it’s not far from where I live. Yes, the lineup is sooo amazing. It’ll be my first time to KCON and LA as well (I was planning to go later in October when it’s not like the dessert but ZB1 is probably not going to have a North America tour 😭)

Hydrate yourself a lot, eat a lot, take care I love you 💛

Thank you! Take care of yourself too 🫶

��� anon

Silly errors happens, it’s normal when you are engrossed in your writing you do not see the mistakes anymore. And I’m very proud of you to keep on continue to write !

Well I don’t mind sharing it it just that I feel like I overstepped boundaries ? But globally I don’t really mind talking about it lol. Concerning my health problems it was worse, im doing better now and I have meds so it’s globally better even if there are some moments of relapse. I’m sorry about your health problems and I hope you are doing better now and that the work won’t put you in a difficult place health wise.

Yeah well it still feel bitter because I never finished them. And for the 300 pages that story mattered a lot to me and it was different from a fanfic you know ? It was my own characters, in their own world with Iran created places so I had a lot to write about lol.

I am currently 20, my birthday is the 15 July (one day after tae rae lol) I know that one yes is enough but that story truly means so much for me, and people close to me really liked it and had good feedback so I was really hopeful, it has been my dream to be a published writer for years and I had just a lot of hope. I know that I should base my self esteem on that but it’s hard to resonate with yourself when it’s something that matters so much you know ? I’m also someone very insecure with very low self esteem so that made me suffer a lot. Lol.

I totally get what you mean. Notes are importants and not having that feedback can really makes you feel discouraged when you put so much time and effort on a piece. But the fact you kept trying proves that you are very brave !

You don’t type too much I just really have a terrible memory and I would love to see your recommandations ! Please tell me if you like stromae songs !

Canadaaaaa ! That’s so cool ! It’s means you have snow often, where I live there is so snow at all :( Wll you definitely should since there might be no other opportunities! And if it’s cheap I can only encourage you to !

Take care of yourself ❤️

[flownintothesun]

𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄 : 𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍!

⋆ ✰ ⋆ ─── I just believe that moments are special, and meant to be celebrated. And I've had so many of those with @batteredoptimist that I don't want to lose the physical copies of in my blog move. So this is an appreciation post of milestones and Nonny-joy that my best friend has given me in our time together, copied from the old blog starting in June of 2022.

𝟐𝟏 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

One year ago today, @batteredoptimist and I started our little server that's no longer so little. As of this morning, in one year we've written (excluding things we've written each other on tumblr) 1,716,129 words (3717 pages) and have over 200 channels on our server. It all began with Mr. Westley 'Lemons now pls' McCarthy being unable to keep it in his pants and dragging Nonny and I into a whole entire server so he could (redacted) ehm...with Muriel. Thus...lemon loaf day was born. 200+ channels later, here we are, happily. They say that time flies when you're having fun and I could not ask for a better human to have in my life, or a better partner-in-crime and writing than Nonny. And yes, I am absolutely baking a lemon loaf right now to celebrate Nonny, and their characters, and mine as well. And to give Westley his lemons...because he's not the only one who can be a little shit. Here's to all of the writing we'll do in the year ahead, I absolutely cannot wait. May we always have this & may it never end. ♡ 🍋 Happy Lemon Loaf Day. ♡

𝟐𝟎 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

happiest of birthdays to our darling james pollard ♡ thank you for giving francis the soulmate he's been dreaming about since he first learned to read; thank you for giving westley safe harbor for his heart. thank you for you and the lessons that you embody — kindness, goodness, humility. thank you for your story, and also on my behalf — thank you for introducing me to your mun (@batteredoptimist), who is single-handedly the best person i know. ♡ may your stories continue to grow. we are so, so honored to have been a part of them. we love you ♡, francis, westley & orion (& marin and luci, who haven't met you yet, but love you all the same.)

𝟏𝟗 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

A heartfelt shoutout to @batteredoptimist who sneaked me not only a drawing in the wee hours, but a box full of the most lovely Francisy things — a heat pillow that smells of lavender, banned book socks and little scented macaron soaps. He loved them so much. Thank you for being my favorite, Nonny, and for indulging me in this silly little thing that brings me joy in such a big way. I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life, but I am so so grateful and thankful for your kindness and presence. Also, thank you for his biggest gifts of all — your boys, who he loves and cherishes with all of his sappy little heart. You and they have made his existence so much more beautiful and meaningful than I think you realize. Thank you. ♡♡

𝟑𝟏 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

𝐄𝐍𝐃-𝐎𝐅-𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒

sometime in the middle of the year, i moved all of mine and @batteredoptimist's writing over to a series of documents out of sheer morbid curiosity to learn how much we'd written since january of this year. it only keeps growing:

Current Page Count: 3,682 Current Word Count: 1,693,612 Novel Count (at 80k): 21

i am full of joy and honor to have found such a truly wonderful human to have in my life and to share the happiness of writing with. i am ecstatic to see what the next year holds. who knows, maybe we'll finally turn something into a novel. 🥰 nonny, i think we've outwritten stephen king.

𝟐𝟒 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

the obnoxious habit of sending @batteredoptimist asks from literally all of our ships every time they post a meme despite the fact that we write together every day. 😂♡

𝟐𝟏 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

me telling @batteredoptimist that they're the only one exempt from that poll because like a year ago i made poor james choose between francis and westley and francis and westley STILL hate each other over it.

𝟎𝟑 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐘 — you are my partner in crime and in writing. i don’t know if anything i can say could ever encompass the joy that accompanies the knowledge that you exist in the world and have for whatever reason decided that you’re glad that i do, too. i make jokes about how the universe gave us the wrong moments — times and places and the like — but mostly, i’m just so incredibly glad that i’ve gotten to be a part of your life, that we’re friends, and that we’ve had the joy and honor of creating these stories together. so, here, let me try and put a few things into words.

THANK YOU — for sharing your characters with me, for sharing your ideas with me, for sharing your art with me; but mostly for letting me close enough to know you as well as i do. thank you for james, and for muriel — for giving francis and westley their loves. thank you for the — oh god, how many have we made up now — other characters that have filled the thousands and thousands of pages that we’ve spent this year writing together?  thank you for inspiring me, and for inspiring some of the best things i’ve ever written.

thank you for being persistent with me, thank you for caring about me, thank you for helping me through one of the worst bouts of mental health in the history of the earth and sticking around as i try to pick up the pieces and move into the new ‘after’ chapters. :) thank you for showing me what it means for someone to stay. thank you for a million tiny and personal things that i won’t post here to tumblr because they’re not mine to share. thank you for everything you’ve ever done to make my life better — all 365+ days that we’ve been talking, and talking, and talking.

i am so grateful for you that my heart is fit to burst just sitting here writing about it. i’m getting emotional and i’m not as pretty as francis when i cry, so i’m going to try not to do that. :’) what can i say that’s going to make you flail a bit in return, hm? oh god, let’s just admit that i pick favorites on this hellsite like everyone does and james and muriel are that for me.  i’ve adored writing with james from the very first — before i’d even gotten rid of my tumblr sea-leg wobble. there’s always been something so special about him, and his story that’s drawn me in. i know how his story goes, now. and i feel honored to see it told the way i have (hopefully you know what i mean because i don’t want to give away your secrets). to be so close to him, i suppose. thank you also for bringing muriel around for our westley. i just know the world’s gonna love him (westley says that we loved him first and most ♡ —  don’t mind him, we’re working on it. at least he’s including francis in ‘we’ now, baby steps.)

your worldbuilding is in a class all of its own. without you and that brilliant brain of yours, we wouldn’t have come up with half the stories we have. you’re able to take something and flesh it out in a way that’s very visual and artistic — which i suppose is fitting, all things considered. i love the way you tell stories. i love creating them WITH you, but i also love just sitting back and LISTENING to you talk about any and every aspect of them — whether it’s ours or yours. and on that note, i do believe that one day i’ll be the first person standing in line waiting for my autographed copy of your books. they will have to escort me out because i will be crying and shouting with pride that that’s my favorite human, my best friend, my partner in crime, and i always knew that they could and would do it. i believe in you and james and the story you share with all of my heart, and i want to be beside you every step of the way as you need in supporting your dreams (and all of the other things, too.)

this is getting so long and i’m not nearly done. so i’ll make myself stop for now? and just find every excuse in the world to keep going, because you deserve more good than i can give. but i will always try. i will always, always try.

𝟎𝟏 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

i’m going through one of my old blogs and stumbled across this gem of a piece of writing to @batteredoptimist before we were super close —

     He supposed now that they were no longer strangers, but Francis and James. And so, most quests in his beloved novel started thus: a name, and an unusual circumstance. He wonders what adventures may await them.

so many adventures, my darling lad. so, so many. i’m so grateful for nonny’s presence in my life, as is francis for james’s in his. my heart is just so full tonight. ♡

𝟐𝟒 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

i don’t know if i’m ready for my spotify wrapped to call me and @batteredoptimist out for what i listened to while we wrote (so far) 3095 pages (1.4 million words, 18 novels worth of writing omg) this year. :’) ♡ what do you think your top song for the year is? i’m 80% sure that mine is shallow by lady gaga in some variation because reasons.

𝟐𝟖 𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

when it’s midnight, you’ve taken your nighttime meds and you are still awake chastising your loveble pain in the ass character WITH HIS FULL NAME for harrassing your best friend  / person — and your character’s response to you is ‘say that ten times fast’. his full name for the record taking all verses into consideration: westley colin johnnes henrik van der sterren/gunderson/mccarthy/pollard/bernardi.that little shit. why do i love him so much?

𝟐𝟏 𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

well, that’s it fam, @batteredoptimist has destroyed me (and francis) in the best way.

one day you’ll read about it in our book (i hope) ♡

𝟏𝟖 𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

committment : when your best friend / person / co-author ( @batteredoptimist ) manages to keep a story plot from you since early summer and still hasn’t told you what it is and your wee innocent golden haired angel baby (see also: francis) is giving you the eyes. 

𝟐𝟑 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

so, for those of you who don’t know — i started on this hellsite in like may of 2019 as someone who’d been roleplaying for a long time but never with multiple partners. i had no idea what i was doing, and @smokedanced​  was pretty much helping me along making sure i didn’t fall on my face. my first blog was a bit of a disaster, and as someone who’d only ever had one rp partner at a time, i was very anxious and very picky about who i let in my space. as such, there are very few of you around from those early days but i see you  ♡. when i found nonny’s blog, i remember making the biggest heart eyes at this incredible worldbuilding — and at the story and way nonny had built james. i remember saying to havu ‘ooh, look at this blog’ (again, with THE BIGGEST heart eyes) and had virtually no hope that nonny would follow me back (if you saw my old blog, you might see why i was inclined to think that).

however, nonny did follow me back and since summer 2019, we’ve been writing stories. nonny knew the character orion before there was mun-orion. nonny has followed me through all seven of my blogs / blog moves since then. and because i’m such a shy and awkward human, we only really talked in passing, only had a couple threads going at once. but i think a part of me knew that i wanted them in my space dearly, because they were always at the top of my mind with things like joining my rp server, and joining my scavenger hunt (gish) team. god, i remember feeling *so nervous* to mess things up with this incredibly brilliant, talented writer & this radiant human being who has kindness and goodness for days.

i suppose, in the end, i have westley to thank for giving me the courage to break down my inner barrier and start babbling nonstop at nonny. it’s because of them that westley’s become the lovable chaos he is today. it took me three years of awkward half-communications to realize that this person i admired and cherished so dearly would become my dearest and truest friend, the person who has been there beside me through absolute hell, and the person i’d walk through hell with. we’ve written well over a million words in 2022 (a total of about 14 full-length novels), and 2000+ pages. nonny inspires me every single day, both in character and out. they are my creative soul-mate and my partner in crime, my best friend, and this person i still sit back sometimes and wonder how they chose me to be the same.

i have never in my whole life written so much, had so much muse, laughed so hard, felt so seen and understood. i have never had anyone who has stood by me through the worst, and still known that i was capable of my best. these last 10 months or so have been full of so many highs (and more lows) for me, and you’ve always done your best to see me through. i hope with all of my heart i can do the same for you when you need me, and be a light whenever it’s dark, because surely that is what you’ve been for me.

so, my dear nonny — thank you for believing in me, for creating with me, for taking up space and existing in my life, spending time with you has been one of my dearest joys. going forward — i hope to provide light for you, i hope to do good for and by you, i hope i can inspire you in ALL of your endeavors, but most especially the creative ones ♡ , i hope to be by your side every time you need someone in your corner. i hope to create with you, exist in the same sphere as you, and be someone deserving of the profound light you shine on everyone around for a very, very long time.

i am so excited to meet you, and see where our first ooc/in person adventure takes us.

thank you, and thank the Universe for 3+ years of awkwardness that has led to no filter and this beautiful thing that i cherish with all of my heart. i hope it never changes, save for to grow and flourish, like one of james’s plants.

𝟐𝟏 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

someone’s going to meet their person in person. hint : it’s me. i’ll be mostly away because something-something shenanigans with @batteredoptimist​  ♡.   please still feel free to respond to things, send messages and the likes. i’m just likely to be a little slow in writing / getting back to things for the next little while. i hope something good happens to you, too, tumblr! ♡

𝟏𝟗 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

i would sincerely like to apologize to the human and or bot that potentially goes through google translate searches, on behalf of @batteredoptimist​ and myself.

𝟎𝟗 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

just fourteen more days and i’ll be heading to an airport!?

𝟏𝟗 𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

well, in the course of 8 months, @batteredoptimist​ and i have written 2000 pages, and 1,000,000 (yes, one million) words. we simply cannot be stopped, nor do i ever want to be. ♡

we keep finding new things to celebrate, and i love that for us tbh. soon!

𝟏𝟓 𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

From Nonny's blog: [[ Just submitted writing to something for the first actual time ever and I couldn’t think of a better partner to do it with than @lovepurposed &lt;3 ]]

𝟎𝟑 𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

i’m having quite a nice time with my scavenger hunt. my team is absolutely lovely and they’re doing amazingly and i am so, so proud of them. sorry for the low-activity burst but i should be back to it next week at full chaos force. meanwhile, i got to spend some time writing with @batteredoptimist​ tonight which was exquisite and reminds me very much that simple things like writing the best stories you’ve ever written with someone who makes you smile is one of life’s great joys. i hope you find something joyful tonight, tumblr. i’m cheering for you. ♡

𝟎𝟑 𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐓 when referring to mine and @batteredoptimist​‘s writing aloud to other people, i realized i’ve stopped saying ‘our rps’ and started saying ‘our stories’ instead and that makes me very happy. i love that for us.

𝟐𝟗 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐀 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄? *plays sappy youtube background music ironically* — it’s like a best friend but more... okay, okay BUT in all seriousness —  @batteredoptimist​ and i just hit 2000 pages (times new roman, 12pt, 1.5 spacing) in gdocs and nearly a million words to boot after eight months of coming up with 10 main verses (at least 3-4 of which we plan to make into novels), 40 verses we haven’t had time to start yet, and a handful of verses that we’ve retired. our characters have grown so much together and i know that i have grown as a person in the absolute best way for having nonny in my life. so i guess when i go meet nonny in person soonish we’re going to have to celebrate big. there’s just a whole heckin’ lot to be grateful for here. and i am. i very much am. ♡

𝟐𝟓 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

𝐒𝐎, 𝐇𝐄𝐘, 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍 — i’ve just spent the last three months transferring mine and @batteredoptimist​‘s writing into google docs for a backup — and out of morbid curiosity of how much we’ve written in our 8 months of being partners in crime & chaos. and well, it’s a lot.

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐏𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏𝟖𝟗𝟒 (𝟏𝟐𝐩𝐭 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝟏.𝟓 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠) 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟖𝟕𝟐,𝟐𝟖𝟔 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 (𝐚𝐭 𝟖𝟎𝐤): 𝟏𝟎.𝟗

you know, this makes me very happy. nonny and james and muriel (and all of the rest) are some of the absolute greatest joys in my life and i am so honored to have shared all of this with them. if my blog wasn’t currently on shadowban, i’d be telling you all to go follow them because i certainly can’t write 11 novels in eight months with anyone who isn’t the very best of the best (of humanity, and as a writer). and i don’t care if that makes me sound biased. it’s wholly and happily true.

[dawn-the-rithmatist]

Every now and then I start thinking about how I’m very much a reflection of all the people in my life. I quote certain vines because my best friend loves them. I make salads from scratch instead of using kits because my mom likes them better that way. I put toilet paper facing a certain direction because of a boss I had at a job in high school. I knit a little weirdly because that’s the way my grandma does it when her hands hurt, and that’s how she taught me. We are all just lovely little windows, reflecting the people who stop to see and love us

[youarejesting]

Hope in the sheets.10

[Masterlist]

Beta: N/A Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Genre: Friendship, Comedy, Soft boy, Fluff, SMUT, Friends2Lovers, Words: 5k

Summary: You held many titles: his neighbor, colleague, wing-man… well, more likely a wing-woman, yet most importantly, you were his best friend. You had been friends since you were born. Between the two of you, you were younger; barely, but he never let you forget it. He always seemed to ruffle your hair and tease you, which could get rather annoying but he made up for it by treating you to things.

What if a drunken one night stand between you and your best friend Hoseok leads to more complicated situations? Your reckless twenties are cut short as you find yourself suddenly responsible for something a little more.

Warning: Implied sex, pregnancy, implied reader has baby.

[First] [Previous] [Masterlist] [Next]

Hoseok and the others were eventually led into the birthing suite; the entire place had been cleaned and only the bare minimum of staff stayed behind. They were sorting out equipment and monitoring your current state. When his eyes landed on yours he felt emotions bloom in his chest. There you were laying in the bed, a small bundle of soft blankets nestled delicately in your arms. You had showered and dressed in a nightdress that had been packed in your hospital bag. 

Hoseok’s lip curled. He was trying to hold his expression, giving you a forced smile before he broke out into tears. Holding your free arm out to him, he stumbled into your embrace kissing your forehead and telling you how much he loved you. 

His words were broken by the force of each sob. “Are you going to hold her, or do we have to hold you?” Yoongi playfully teased. Hoseok wiped his eyes taking a few shakey deep breaths trying to calm his emotions. 

When you moved the blanket to show your daughter laying gently against your chest, he was a mess once more. “Hobi, you want to hold her?”

“I can hold her?” He hadn’t even thought that far ahead. He could hold this baby, his daughter, he could hold her in his arms and she was real. 

“Of course you can hold her.” You laughed, reaching up to wipe his tears away. Hoseok remembered everything he was taught from the birthing classes, practically reciting them out loud. You placed his daughter in his arms and his bottom lip fell. 

Tears were his automatic response. There was nothing else, this miracle, this symbol of his love for you, his best and longest friend. This was his child, his flesh and blood and he couldn’t thank you enough for giving him such a gift. 

“You have to stop crying Hobi, we need a nice picture for your family.” You smiled and he tilted his head back sniffing. 

“I love you so much, and I love her, I just can’t stop crying.” The words broke again Hoseok turned to show off his daughter to his friends. They were some of the people he was closest to and when he looked at them they were all crying. Jungkook’s wet cheeks and red nose, Jimin’s sweet puffy eyes bubbling with tears, even Yoongi let out a stray sniff. 

By far it was a sight to see big burly Namjoon openly weeping like Hoseok and cooing over how precious she was. 

“Look how little she is,” Namjoon whimpered

“Her hands are so tiny too,” Hoseok said back. The two were just making it worse for each other, a back and forth of doting comments of your newborn each statement causing a fresh cycle of tears. 

The nurse who had been checking your vitals waiting to take you back to the ward rolled her eyes. “I have seen some sappy fathers but you brought a whole troop.”

“Gentleman it’s time to let mum and her baby get some sleep, the father can come back tomorrow morning any other guests can come two at a time during visiting hours.” She ushered the other six males from the room, Hoseok kissed you his cheeks were wet. 

“I don’t want to go.”

“Get some sleep Hobi, get the house ready. If all goes well I will be out of the hospital soon.” The nurse took your daughter from Hoseok’s arms. 

“Wait, can I give her a kiss?” You whispered. The nurse nodded bringing your daughter over allowing you to kiss her goodnight before she was wheeled down to the nursery. 

“Are you ready to go back to the ward? You should get some sleep. Your body will be exhausted. We will bring the child in when she is hungry.”

“Okay Hobi, I have to go rest now you head home and make the house all ready for when we come home okay.” You waved goodbye to him and watched as Jimin took his hand leading him from the room. He seemed reluctant to take his eyes off of you, his hand coming to lay flat under his heart. 

You touched your collar bone watching him mouth the words 'baseline'. It was like everything you ever wanted but such a weird and obscure way you got there. You wanted to be with Hoseok and cherish him and be loved in return, but you never thought you would get there by completely derailing your relationship and almost ruining your life. 

It was like you had to destroy what you had to build something better. It seems counterproductive and a step in the wrong direction but somehow you were able to shape the rubble of your friendship into a relationship stronger than before. 

You love Hoseok with all your heart and he only has eyes for you. It seems you were both delusional to believe that you weren’t in love. Everyone could see it except the two of you and now it was painfully obvious. 

Being a mother was kind of a shock. Scared when you woke up to cramps, only to remember you had already given birth, you were also woken throughout the night to feed your daughter. A part of you worried about taking care of someone, the responsibility setting in as being a mother was a full-time job.

“You are doing wonderful.” The nurse gave you some pain killers for your cramps, your uterus was slowly shrinking back to its regular size and you were uncomfortable. “Would you like me to get you anything?”

“I would love something to drink.” Voice hoarse from sleep, she nodded before setting off for you. You sat up watching the sunrise, your daughter sleeping soundly on the bed in front of you. She was so precious. Even with closed eyes she still wiggled and stretched her hands out to the warm glowing orb.

“Seonhee, do you like that name?” You whispered, taking out a small outfit: a white onesie with sunflowers and bright yellow footed pants with soft yellow ruffles on the butt. “Jung Seonhee.”

“Ah, is that her name?” The nurse smiled, placing some apple juice and water on the small bedside table. She sanitized her hands and began helping you with the baby's clothes and diaper, bagging the old clothes and disposing of the soiled diaper. She smiled down at the little girl in her bright outfit. “I think it suits her, Seonhee”

The doctor came by on her round, her hair pulled into a tight bun and her scrubs pastel blue with stalks. “You are looking better, how are you feeling?” There was no messing around, she was straight to business, checking for any concerns or pain. Your stomach was being palpated while she brought up things to look out for. “Ultimately if anything happens that you are unsure about, even if it is something silly like, should I have coffee while breastfeeding, call this number here, they are a great service and they will help you.”

“Thank you so much.” Taking the card you were handed and a little care package from the hospital, the nurse placed the card into the baby book which had accompanied you throughout pregnancy and after. “Am I okay to go home today?”

“You are all clear. Let us know what time you want to leave and we can have all the paperwork ready.” Pausing in the doorway, a young nurse almost bumping into her, she spun around, her coat swishing with her. “After giving birth a lot of women become a little moody, fatigued, or cry. This is totally normal as your hormones will be dropping back to a normal level. It is perfectly normal to feel these things during this time.”

“Ah, that’s good to know.” You replied while searching through the care package, glancing at some of the booklets and information sheets. There was a number for a community service where mothers take their babies to be weighed and receive checkups. The nurses had few information sessions on feeding techniques and developmental leaps. 

Looking forward to being a part of a group of new mothers, you knew you would have a lot of questions eventually. It would be nice to know if other mothers have similar concerns or effective tips for any future problems.

Hoseok arrived with a big smile, kissing you sweetly before heading over to scoop up his daughter. “Wait Hobi,” you stopped him, “I need to talk to you before you get all teary-eyed again.”

“Okay,” serious expression on his face he gave you all his attention.

“We need to agree on her name and sign the birth certificate.” The smile returned to his face, the twinkle in his eyes never dwindling since the moment he stepped into the room. “I like the name 선희 (Seonhee) written as 善 meaning Good or nice and 希 as in Hope”

Hoseok watched you write an example on a scrap piece of paper, and began nodding enthusiastically. Hands shaking the two of you eyed one another passing secret smiles, the taste of giggles on the tip of your tongue. Once the document was completed Hoseok’s hand swooped up into your hair, cradling your nape as he kissed you.

Neither lazy nor heated, the kiss was full and romantic, his lips telling a story against yours. The world stopped and only Hoseok existed. Until a shrill cry broke through the silence and the two of you apart. The cry brought with it the sound of machines and nurses walking down the hall.

“You want to go home,” Hoseok raced around the hospital bed towards your daughter, wiggling in the tiny hospital portable bassinet. His style was honestly amusing. Strips of fabric hanging from a graffitied shirt with a cargo jacket and sneakers. Strange to see him holding a baby but you loved it so much. 

Just because you were parents didn’t mean you had to get rid of everything you love. Sure you had to grow up and it was extreme. The transition you made while pregnant felt like your life was ending. That you would live to serve a tiny being. But seeing Hoseok still smiling the same, still wearing the same street hip hop style reassured you that you still had a life outside of being a mother and that would never change.

Of course, the two of you probably wouldn’t club anymore. It would be unfair if either of you went out without the other and unfair on your daughter if you were not there for her. Not to mention the cost of babysitting and the trust you would need in order to leave Seonhee with someone who wasn’t you or Hoseok.

Hoseok helped you with your bags packing the car, he had borrowed Jin’s for a smoother drive. Always thoughtful even on the littlest details. Sitting by the baby's car seat while Hoseok drove you home apologizing for every speed bump and every turn.

“Hoseok, I would like to go home before it is dark. You don’t have to drive that slow.” You laughed, he was being so serious like a knight or warrior preparing for battle to protect those he loves. In the reflection of the rearview mirror, you saw his lips twitch in amusement, the sun shining on his shaggy hair. “I love you.”

“Babe,” He whined, “you can’t say that when I am driving, I want to kiss you and then we really won’t get home before dark.”

His eyes flickered up to meet yours in the mirror before concentrating diligently once more on the road. He was singing softly to the radio as he crossed town, you must have fallen asleep as you were woken by his sweet laugh and some kisses on your cheek.

“We are home Lil darling.”

Breathing deeply trying to clear your head from your nap, as the fog in your mind disappeared your hands were secured in Hoseok’s as he helped you out of the car. Standing patiently for your body to catch up, the tender sensations in your stomach leaving you stiff.

“Seonhee, time to see your new home.” Hoseok scooped up the infant holding her to his chest as if it was the most natural thing like he had several years of experience. As opposed to this child being his firstborn. He took the soft yellow muslin wrap and covered her protecting her eyes from the afternoon sun.

Opening the door, you weren’t surprised, (mostly because you had spotted their cars on the curb) to see the boys sitting on your couch equally as excited to see you as they had been the day before in the birthing suite. Hoseok was placing your bag on the table when Seonhee started crying.

“Hey, sweetheart what’s wrong?” Hoseok patted her bottom to a steady rhythm hoping it would lull her back to sleep. Her crying continued and you felt your shirt grow damp, taking a seat you held out your hands for your daughter and nursed her while the boys kept their eyes firm on one another to respect your privacy.

“Are you drinking or are you sleeping?” You giggled at your daughter who was milk drunk. Burping her gently she wiggled releasing a few loud burps and spitting up a little onto the back of your hand and the small burp cloth you had been holding to her clothes.

“Let me take her while you clean up.” Yoongi smiled, scooping up your daughter, holding her so her head was supported, her arms and legs draped over either side of his arm. His other hand rubbed and patted her back gently as he swayed.

“You look like a squashed pie.” He smiled cheekily talking to the baby in his arms. “Cute bow shape lip from your mum, and your nose is very cute like Hoseok’s.”

“How dare you call her a squashed pie.” Namjoon tried to defend but when Yoongi turned he showed the infant, her cheek squished up against his arm, her drool slowly seeping between parted lips. “Okay, maybe a little but she is also adorable.”

“All babies look like aliens when they are born,” you grinned.

“But do you love her, more than anything else in the world?” Jungkook giggled trying to make small talk while also projecting his newfound love for such a tiny being.

“We just met, I need some time to get to know her some more.” You joke playfully curled up on the couch Seokjin handing you some dinner and a cup of tea while the boys took turns meeting your daughter.

“It says in the paperwork she can have a bath tomorrow, and that her first poo might be really yucky.” Hoseok read the take-home leaflets from the hospital and constantly checked on his two girls making sure they were both safe and sound.

“Put her in outfits you don’t care if they get destroyed,” Yoongi was singing something to the child. It was low and rough. He was talking about dreams, freestyling about how your daughter didn’t need to go to university and that she didn’t have to know everything right at this moment.  

Placing the little girl into Jimin’s waiting arms. His eyes sparkled and his lip dropped as he turned soft for the little girl.

“Hello, I am Uncle Jimin and I am going to spoil you so much.” His sweet voice gasped. He practically wiggled on the spot when she brought her fists up to her closed eyes and yawned. Taehyung was quietly snapping photos, careful not to use the flash as he didn’t want to hurt the baby's sensitive eyes, even while they were closed. He assured you, that he would get photos of everyone holding Seonhee. He had already captured Yoongi and was taking a few extra of Jimin with the small bundle.

It was honestly nice to see them all so supportive and there for your daughter. Images in your mind blooming of her first Christmas and birthday and all that would follow. Namjoon would buy her a green bike with flowers and tassels on the handles and Yoongi, helping assemble it before she woke up, attaching the training wheels for her safety.

Learning how to wrap people around her finger from her Uncle Jimin and then using it against them. She would be a dancer like her father and would light up the room. You could see her performing on a stage with the eight of you waiting with flowers to throw on stage. Maybe she wouldn’t win the first prize at her first show but they would still take her out for pizza and celebrate. Her skills would improve and the day she wins the trophy she would be lifted onto Seokjin’s shoulders. 

Not noticing you had started crying until Namjoon pulled you into a hug.  “Hey what’s got you so upset.”

“No, I am not upset, I was told that as my hormones go back to normal, I might cry and be more tired and moody and upset and I just,” Sniffing Jungkook handed over some tissues and hugging your back. The newer of the group Taehyung and Jungkook had just fit perfectly into the group, it was like they were always meant to be.

“Hey love,” Hoseok said, coming over to kneel at your feet holding your knees softly. "Tell me what made you so upset."

“I was thinking about her first Christmas and her first birthday and how you would all be here and she would be loved and…” Taking a sniff and pushing the tears from your eyes you looked up at them seriously. “You can never leave now, we are going to be one big family. I hope you know you are now each my daughter's uncles and therefore responsible to attend events. If you didn’t want to be a part of the family, I am sorry you are now my family.”

More tears shook your form. “You're the only family I have, I wasn’t exactly disowned more than I left when my mother told me not to have my sweet daughter. My precious baby deserves a big happy family and so I am sorry you are stuck with me. 

“And don’t even think you are getting out of it.” You pointed at Taehyung and Jungkook, “You are my family now. Seonhee needs lots of uncles to protect her.”

“We aren’t leaving,” Seokjin grinned, taking a turn holding the wiggling bundle, smiling for a picture, and looking at her. “She will be a heartbreaker.”

~

The first couple of weeks were a learning curve filled with broken sleep, reheated meals courtesy of Seokjin, and constant fatigue looming over your head. Jimin appeared one-afternoon Taehyung, Namjoon and Yoongi apprehended your daughter. Settling her into a baby carrier strapped to Namjoon’s chest. The thick bodyguard looked a little silly with a tiny child nestled against his pecs.

Seonhee was wearing a new outfit from her uncle Jimin. It was a sweet-footed onesie with bear ears warm enough for a day out in the park. Kicked out of the house by Jimin who stressed how much you needed a break. Hoseok was at work while you were still on leave which meant you took the larger portion of the home and baby duties.

Mostly because you were at home all day, but also not wanting to interfere with his sleep schedule seeing as he was going to an actual job that needed proper attention. There wasn’t even a moment of hesitation from Jimin as he dragged you into the bathroom and started the bath filling it with a generous amount of bubble bath. It was the sleepy-time product you had chosen for your baby, emitting a soft lavender scent.

“You relax and I will wash your hair.” He smiled and he massaged your scalp to help relieve any tension, after washing out all your hair products he took your skincare products letting you lay in the bubbles as he pampered you. “You are such a good mum, you are doing amazing.”

“I hope so,” you yawned.

You stepped out of the tub, quickly wrapping yourself into the fluffy robe you hadn’t used in a while. Then sat down on your bed whilst Jimin dried and styled your hair. The others had returned, poking their heads into the room and smiling at your new refreshed look. You quickly fed your daughter while Jimin braided your hair securely.

“You rest okay, we will watch her until Hoseok comes home. Don’t worry we will come to you if we are unsure about anything and for food times.” Yoongi said playing some soft tranquil music on the small speaker by your bed. 

It seemed pointless. Laying there believing it impossible to fall asleep. As you walked past the clock reading half-past one, your stomach rumbled in a gentle protest. Before you could even think of the food you wanted to get dressed, pulling on a white crop top and a baggy overall dress. Something easy to breastfeed in. It was definitely time as your breasts were heavier with milk.

Walking out you poured yourself a glass of juice and scooped up your fussing daughter, stomach growling again. Yoongi stood up marching into the kitchen, rapidly chopping ingredients. Soon the house was filled with a savory aroma and the glorious sound of oil sizzling. 

~

Hoseok was having his first afternoon with Seonhee. You were going for a checkup. Jungkook was free and agreed to accompany you to your appointment, he almost paled when he saw the equipment on the table for your checkup. It made for a good laugh and endless teasing during your small coffee date afterward.

Jungkook’s phone buzzed and he grinned texting back quickly. “Ooh, what or who is making you smile so big?”

“Uh, I just got a funny text from Namjoon. Apparently, Hoseok asked for company so Namjoon and Yoongi stopped by the house after their errands.” He laughed, nose scrunching showing off his front teeth. “And well, your daughter may have accidentally had a poo explosion. So far from the pictures I have seen, Yoongi and Hoseok are covered in it. And while trying to help Namjoon dropped a whole bottle of baby powder and they are vacuuming the carpet.”

“Jimin and Taehyung agreed to pick up some more and I have been asked to keep you busy,” Your smile growing the more you heard, of course, they would make a mess on your first day out. Expecting something chaotic to happen but never something as funny as this. 

“I am just glad it is something like this and not that someone is sick or hurt,” You smiled while eating a strawberry cheesecake and sipping coffee. Not making any move of leaving early and relieving them of their duty. It was a right of passage and showed just how much you trusted them. Hearing that something happened and not jumping to take over.

“They said not to tell you, but how could I not?” Jungkook turned his phone showing you some photos worthy of scrapbooking, the kind you would take out for Seonhee’s twenty-first and a story she would get sick of hearing at every family gathering. “Look at them.”

“Well while they are busy, how about we go grocery shopping? I think perhaps we can make something delicious for dinner,” Standing and collecting your jacket from your chair, and leading the way. Jungkook followed listening to your concerns about your weight and figure, he assured you how good you were looking and even offered to personally train you at 21, the gym.

~

Seonhee was growing steadily. Each milestone leading into the next, she would roll over and had started to crawl. Finding herself putting things she shouldn’t in her mouth. Going back to work was hard for the first few days, leaving Seonhee at the daycare was easy but she became more clingy when she came home. It was her way of coping with the separation that came with daycare and full-time work but eventually, Seonhee got into a routine.

Understanding that her parents were always coming back made everything in the house run a lot smoother. She had a small handful of sounds, mostly eomma, appa. 

Work was a lot more tolerable and dare you to say fun. Jimin had quit his sugar baby gig and joined the company working alongside you. Sure he had broken a few hearts by canceling his service but he was happier. He never explicitly said it but you believed he was trying to be more independent and above everything else make himself more approachable to Taehyung.

Taehyung however left for a while, he had been away working with a few celebrities and luxury brands, photographing concepts, photos, and more. He had been pushing and working harder and harder as the days passed until he traveled away for his latest project. 

It was a little sad that they weren’t together but you could see the longing in Jimin’s eyes whenever he replayed Taehyung’s Instagram story. Dragging him from his desk to have lunch together and distract him from the thoughts spinning around in his head.

~

December marked eleven months since Seonhee was born. Cruising against the couch and cabinets opening things she shouldn’t. You had invested in baby locks and a small playpen. Neither really did much as she knew how to push the whole contraption across carpet and tiles to get into things. 

Mostly she would follow you to the kitchen hoping to get teething biscuits or any other treats her father would sneak her. He was never able to say no and you often found them sneaking snacks together where he would give you his big eyes and pouty lips claiming that she deserved a snack.

Christmas had your house filled to the brim with presents and boys, Seokjin was cooking in the kitchen with Yoongi’s help while Jimin and Jungkook were playing with Seonhee. Hoseok was helping Namjoon into a Santa costume in the backyard. No one had heard from Taehyung. You assumed he was busy with work and that he would be unable to make it.

There was a knock and Jungkook raced to answer it and laughed, “Finally, I thought you were skipping out on the family Christmas.”

“I wouldn’t skip out on the family Christmas, you are my favorite family,” Taehyung said handing over a suitcase to Jungkook and carrying in some bags of wrapped gifts, placing them under the tree. “Look at you, you have gotten so big!”

Namjoon Santa came in and delivered gifts and ran off getting changed only to come back and watch the gift unwrapping. Jungkook went to collect the two eldest from the kitchen, pushing Seokjin before dragging Yoongi out the two stopping in the archway.

“Hey, you are under the mistletoe!” Jimin giggled, proud that his trap had worked, he was hoping that some people would get stuck under it. “You are going to have to kiss.”

“We don’t have to, we are watching Seonhee open her gifts,” Jungkook said only to be grabbed by Yoongi who kissed the younger male and pulled away.

“Satisfied.” Yoongi turned back to the young girl opening her presents, Namjoon got her some picture books and a few educational toys. Seokjin had wrapped a small toy kitchen that was her size. Yoongi brought her to everyone’s surprise a little clam pool and some plastic toys to play with.

Jimin brought her a whole lot of princess dresses, tiaras, and fairy wings. Jungkook got her a cozy coupe red and yellow plastic car that she could push around with her legs. Taehyung handed her the small gift bag and inside was a night light that made the roof look like a galaxy and played soft music.

After Seonhee’s gifts from the boys, Hoseok brought out a box. He was struggling with it but when he opened it out popped a little dog who began licking her cheeks and wagging his tail intensely amongst the large group. “His name is Mickey.” Hoseok grinned watching Taehyung taking pictures and smiling fondly as she giggled.

Other gifts were exchanged, the most notable was Seokjin giving everyone matching sweaters with his face on it, and Taehyung’s gift to Jimin. It was a small bag and inside was the signature Tiffany blue colored box.

“You didn’t have to,” Jimin said softly and Taehyung smiled.

“I told myself I would support you, and I know you didn’t want to be treated like a sugar baby, I just told myself that I wouldn’t allow myself to date until I got you those earrings you really wanted. I wanted to give you something you could be proud of.” Taehyung explained, “And it was so hard to resist you when you kept inviting me over.”

Opening the box Jimin saw the earrings he had once mentioned ages back, the exact earrings Taehyung had handmade for him. “Now you can get rid of the ones I made you, they look horrible compared to these.

“I still love the ones you made and I will keep them forever.”

“I won’t treat you like a sugar baby anymore, I wanted to ask if maybe you wanted to go on a date.”

“Well, these earrings will get you about five dates.” Jimin giggled cheekily

“Five I thought for sure it would be five and a half?”

“Five and a free butt grab?”

“Deal!”

~

The nine of you were walking through the kid's attractions at the theme park seeing some familiar faces, you were having lunch when some music started playing. It was the theme park's dance parade and Hoseok was dragged into the dance by Taeyong.

You were giggling when WinWin dragged you up dancing with you and turned to see Hoseok on one knee, a ring box opened in his hands. You felt your chest about to explode as you tackled him to the ground sobbing in his chest. “Hoseok really, you mean it?”

“Of course, I mean it, I have loved you for years.”

“I love you so much, hell freaking yes put that ring on me, quick quick.” You kissed his face nonstop giggling between your tears. He was finally able to get the ring onto the designated finger standing and pulling you onto your feet. He kissed you passionately, you pulled back burying your face in his chest squealing.

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[anika-ann]

My Timid Hello, My Clumsy Goodbye (S.R.)

Type: one-shot, canon semi-compliant?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Barton!reader    Word count: 8900 (...sorry)

Summary: You’re spending the evening and the night before your wedding with the two most important men of your life.

When the sun rises again, you’ll say your ‘I do’ in a close circle of friends and family. It’s not a goodbye to your old life and it’s not a hello to some enormous change; but you will no longer be a Barton. You will be a Rogers. Why not reminisce a bit? 

Warnings: mention of an abandoned baby, blood and injuries, alcohol, implied possibly rougher sex (nothing graphic) ...mature?, language, so much sappiness... let me know if I missed any

A/N: For what-is-your-backupplan-today 10th anniversary of CA:TFA challenge. Prompts in bold. Thank you for coming up with this wonderful theme and hosting this challenge! Long live CA:TFA!

A/N: Throughout the fic, you’ll find snippets of lyrics from SYML’s "Everything All At Once”. Honestly, the song has a completely different meaning to me, but tearing it out of context works for this story just fine :) When you’re done reading, I recommend the music video. It friggin’ broke me in the worst and best ways. Enjoy!

This is my hello This is my clumsy goodbye I'm putting my glass down I wanna remember tonight

Tony rented an island for you. Clint nearly passed out learning about it and grumbled for days about having a hard time to top that, which, no arguing, was understandable.

It was an incredibly extravagant thing to do, throwing around money that could have been used for a much more honourable cause, but you couldn’t complain. One should not look a gifted horse into mouth – and so you didn’t.

Because Tony Stark renting an island was his premature wedding gift. The fact that your brother bitched about not being able to top that, well, that was his problem. You were certain that deep down, he knew you didn’t need any fancy gifts like that.

Then again, Tony’s gift might have been epically overpriced, but not exactly unthoughtful; along with a private island came a private jet and you being literally flied under radar so no single paparazzi knew where you and America’s golden boy Steve Rogers would seal the deal with your ‘I do.’ So, you were everything but ungrateful to your friend that he succeeded at pulling off such covert operation; and frankly, this place was nothing short of wonderful.

The golden sand was pleasantly warm under your toes as you as you and Clint walked towards the two single beach chairs facing the ocean. Wearing bikini under the baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, sunglasses on top of your head, because why would you deprive yourself the gorgeous view of the sun beginning to set down, you followed your brother – not in blood but in every other sense – to the seats, allured by the view, the serenity and the cold sixpack in his hand.

You had already had a traditional bachelorette party with your girls – with the team, with your family. Natasha, Wanda, Pepper, Sharon and Maria. The night had been the perfect blend of what was considered typically feminine, dress up, fanciness and wine and gossip, and a fun night out with shots, dancing, karaoke and pool. That particular night sadly was interrupted shortly by an annoying photographer, but he soon understood it was not very clever to annoy three and a half Avengers or the CEO of Stark Industries for that matter.

Clint however… Clint deserved a special evening with you. With the rest of the team in various state of chilling out, scattered around the luxurious small houses and gorgeous beaches, you two were left the privacy such moment required.

Even if the special moment consisted of simple talking and drinking beer while watching the sun set, a symbolic end of one phase of your life – a phase that was undeniably tied to the famous and yet barely known archer, one of the seven defenders who rushed into the Battle of New York to save the Earth.

One of the seven had been your brother, having previously been controlled by the monster who brought an army from outer space; there was no questioning whether you would join the fight or not, no matter how you preferred the latter part of your field medic job title to the former.

Another of these brave people, as it turned out, was your future husband. A man you had met for the first time that day, but whom you didn’t hesitate to push back down when he got hit by a freaking alien weapon and stood up, wanting to shake it off as if it was nothing. Your medical training told you not to let him; and your stubbornness had been just a touch stronger than his that day.

Apparently, Steve found you always standing your ground to be one of your most endearing qualities.

What a fancy way to express it instead of simply calling you a stubborn pain in his ass.

“You’re lost in your head, Twinkie,” Clint hummed, playfully nudging your ribs with an elbow, bringing you back to the present.

Your nose automatically scrunched at the childhood nickname.

“You gotta stop calling me that, Bobo,” you retorted, a grin spreading on your face as it was his turn to grimace.

You knew it was nothing but an act and that he in fact loved that nickname, because it held so much sentiment, so many memories… as did his endearment for you.

Bobo had been your first word or so Clint always claimed. Obviously, you wouldn’t remember.

You wouldn’t remember your parents, having been only two days old when your mother left you with a damn circus which was in your hometown at the time. You couldn’t recall how you wouldn’t stop crying until you heard a seven-year-old Clint humming a lullaby for you, with silly replacements of lyrics that always made you laugh later on when you could understand them.

How he started calling you Twinkie, because he was a sugar addict and apparently, you were sweet and small and he liked you; so much that he soon appointed himself to be your brother, your bro, your Bobo.

Once you were older and learned that your involuntary nickname for him also meant ‘crazy’ in Spanish, you were sold to that Bobo endearment forever.

Including the night before your wedding.

“You keep zoning out on me, Kid. Getting cold feet?” Clint hummed, casually handing you a can of beer, opening it up for you.

You automatically reached out and took a sip, eyes fixed on the warm colour on the horizon. What a ridiculous question… but kind and caring, with a hidden promise of getting you out of here if you just asked. Your amazing, protective, crazy brother.

You couldn’t but smile widely, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

“You offering to kidnap the bride, Clint? I’d like to see you try. You were always better at trapeze than at being an escape artist.”

Clint scoffed. “Please. These are amateurs. I bet I could pull it off.”  

That drew a laugh from you.

“Are you calling the Avengers amateurs? Better yet, are you calling your wife an amateur?” you teased him, watching his face lose colour when he realized that he did exactly that. You leaned over and patted his thigh. “Don’t worry, Bobo. I won’t tell Nat.”

Clint visibly relaxed, but a shadow of worry twisting his expression.

“Seriously though. Where’s your head at, Kid?”

You just shrugged, smile resting on your lips as you wondered if you ever felt so relaxed. It went along well with the reminiscing of the past and despite the fact that tomorrow was a big day and you should probably be nervous, you weren’t. Not in the slightest, more like the opposite. You were giddy even; it dawned to you that nothing in your life had ever felt so right.

No moment in your life offered you such serenity to your heart, your shoulders free of any weight, body light as air.

“Just taking a trip down the memory lane. Thinking about how lucky I was to be dropped at your circus of all circuses of the world,” you grinned at Clint, your tone remaining completely serious.

Because you were being serious – words couldn’t express how grateful for everything that led to this moment you were. How grateful you were to your brother for watching over you, making sure you would always see the light of a new day, guiding you when you found yourself in a dark.

Clint didn’t react beside his fingers twitching and you knew he was giving you the chance to say what you needed to say.

“About how you taught me pretty much everything I know. About how while I might not be the best person in the world, my brother, who is the best brother ever, made me into a decent person and I owe him everything I am. And how I should probably feel guilty for tying myself to another guy who just swept in and whisked away your little sister.”

Clint stared at you, gulping as his eyes gradually filled with tears. You found yourself in a very cheesy moment, bordering on absurd and it was almost too much to handle – but Clint took a deep breath, cleared his throat and swallowed his tears.

“Well, that bastard did steal my greatest life achievement with way too little effort,” he remarked, voice cracking slightly, the image of him causing your eyes to burn as well even if his words made you both tear up and burst out laughing.

“Dammit, Clint, stop making me laugh and cry at the same time…”

“You started it!” he pointed his index finger at you accusingly, taking a large sip of his beer to drown his sentiment. “But for the record, you should not feel guilty. It’s not like you’re leaving me.”

“I know, but-“

“And if you were, you’d be leaving me in good hands.”

“That’s true, Natasha does have a grip on you and might keep you outta trouble-“

“She’s the one who gets me into trouble half of the time!” Clint cried out in protest and you would have argued if it wasn’t the truth.

But before he had met her, Clint was able to make up his own trouble just fine – he was more than half of a reason why while doing a bit of trapeze yourself, you also grew interested in medical care. Because who else than the little sister should treat her big brother’s wounds when he got too crazy?

“In all seriousness, I’m proud of you, Twinkie,” he said sincerely, one corner of his lips raised in a lopsided smile. “You’re entirely entitled to have your own life and if there’s one guy in this whole damn world I’m willing to trust to have you… well, I guess it’s that big blond dumbass.”

“He can be a bit dumb of ass occasionally, can’t he?” you mused lovingly. “I guess it’s right what they say… we do pick our partners similar to our parents, maybe not only in looks. I didn’t really have a dad, I had you, so…”

Clint sighed, smile widening, before it slipped from his face as he caught up on the not-so-hidden insult.

“Hey!”

You couldn’t but laugh at his shocked expression, accidently spilling a splosh of beer on the sand.

“Just… maybe make sure that even married, you still find time to hang out with your big dumb of ass brother every once in a while?” Clint suggested, sounding surprisingly vulnerable.

Your whole demander softened, a little pang of guilt stinging in your heart as he took your words too seriously – and at his worry.

“Clint… I will always find time for my amazing brother.”

“Well, you’re marrying a pretty amazing guy too, so, you know, I understand the dilemma…”

You snorted when he seemed to genuinely fawn over your future husband, shaking your head before downing the rest of your drink.

“As amazing as Steve might be – and gosh, he is, don’t get me started – you still own a pretty big chunk of my heart.”

“Good. You are a Barton at heart,” Clint hummed, pretending that a few tears didn’t roll down his cheeks, leaning towards you as his expression once again grew serious.

Your chest tightened. Oh no. He was gonna say something to make you cry too – as if you already weren’t at verge of crying, emotions bubbling under the surface.

“Clint-“ you warned him silently, but he spoke up anyway and you gulped, bracing yourself.

“Just… whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect housewife, but a good woman.”

That was not what you were prepared for, as touching as the sentiment was.

You burst out laughing, head thrown back, hands clutching at your stomach as it actually hurt with the sudden clench. Tears did spring from your eyes, a perfect blend of touched and infinitely amused at your brother’s words.

“Har, har, that’s what I get from trying to speak from heart…” Clint muttered grumpily and you willed yourself to calm your hitching breaths as you looked at him, the pout of his mouth causing you to cackle again.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just… I am moved, I really am. Thank you. But me? A perfect housewife? And you realize I’m marrying Steve Rogers, right? The epitome of a good man? He would probably threaten to sock me in a jaw if I tried to change into something I’m not just for his sake and actually sock me in my jaw if I turned into a bad woman.”

Clint’s eyebrows jumped, a smirk appearing on his face. “That’s a lot of punching.”  

“My thoughts exactly,” you agreed, reaching for another can, pausing when a thought occurred to you. “Just so we’re clear, I might turn into a bit of a housewife when we have kids, alright? And I want to be a good wife, a good partner to Steve, which is what I’m trying to do even now.”

“I mean, yeah, sure, wouldn’t expect anything less. But… just promise me you’ll stay you and that you’ll keep giving him a run for his money, keep him on his toes a bit,” Clint shrugged with a grin, drawing another chuckle from you.

You saw his point – and you fully intended to keep Steve on his toes. You had a good reason to believe that your future husband enjoyed when you did.

“Oh Clinton… I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He nodded contentedly, picking up another beer and raising it for a toast, his can clinking with yours.

“Cheers to that!”

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you then, a quiet joy wrapped in one moment; the sun ending its quest, the warm breeze in your hair, the waves whispering of a journey you were about to take off to. And all that with a wordless comforting presence of your family, ready to offer you a shelter if a storm rocked your boat and the wind caused you to lose course.

As your mind wandered, you had to laugh at yourself – it was almost as if you were raised by pirates and not circus performers. Perhaps it was the little bit of free cheeky spirit these life journeys had in common what brought the metaphor to your mind. It was a bit like working with the Avengers too, always on a road, adrenaline in your veins even as you mostly stayed on the jet, ready to assist them… yet here you were pondering that maybe, you were yearning for settling down a bit more.

“Cap wouldn’t punch you anyway, right?” Clint remarked, breaking the silence and you blinked yourself back into reality, taking a moment to figure out what he was talking about.

Oh. Right. Steve punching you if you changed yourself significantly for his benefit.

You smiled softly, heart swelling in affection when the answer to that question appeared obvious.

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Good. He’d try once and I’d put an arrow straight between his eyes,” Clint promised darkly, almost causing you to choke at the sudden violent note. He quickly fixed it with a ramble, lightening the atmosphere yet again. “Minus training of course. He’s allowed to try in order to improve your hand-to-hand. Not that he would ever land a hand on you anyway. Always so soft on you…” he grinned, seemingly alright with that attitude if not slightly calling the big strong supersoldier out.

Oh you could be cheeky too alright if that was what your brother wanted.

“That you know of.”

A confused huh was the only reaction you got – that and a puzzled look.

“He’s always soft on me,” you repeated Clint’s words, turning to him, lips slowly spreading in a wicked smirk. “That you know of.”

Clint’s brows furrowed for a short moment and then his features twisted in a disgusted grimace, face growing a tint crimson.

“Gross!” he complained, more blood rushing to his cheeks. “You know what, I changed my mind. We’re leaving. You’re not marrying him. I’m kidnapping the bride and never returning her, locking her somewhere far far away-“

You snorted at his indignation, your grin undoubtedly battling the one of the Cheshire cat.

“No will do, Bobo. I’m marrying Steve and you can’t stop me.”

This time, Clint didn’t even protest, eyes misted over, nose still scrunched at the mental image, lamenting as the night slowly settled over the paradise-like island.

“Oh god, please help, I can’t unsee it, can’t unhear it--- ew-”

Your laughter was carried away by the breeze as Clint seemed to be unable to look at you.

You swung your beer around, thinking that yes – nothing quite ever felt so right as being here in this moment. Relaxing with your brother, teasing him relentlessly and counting down hours to when you’d say ‘I do’ to the only man who in your eyes ever battled the mantle of the best man in the universe.

In one unending moment You fall within my reach I'm close enough to whisper Hold on to me Hold on to me

You weren’t sure what time it was when you snuck into the beach house, one of few, which had been wisely chosen to be occupied by you and Steve only. You attempted to be quiet and liked to think you succeeded, in your even barely tipsy state, but your effort turned out to be in vain as you found Steve perched against headboard of your bed; reading a book, thin white t-shirt and sleep shorts on display as the soft sheet had been kicked away, scrunched up by his feet.

He was gorgeous – he was gorgeous and yours, a momentary picture perfect of peace, appearing to feel just as light as you did and somehow the dullness of the moment, just him relaxing in bed with a good read as you came home… it was more alluring than one would think.

Steve looked up from the book when you wavered in the doorway, soft lopsided smile spreading on his face.

God, that smile. It might be over two years since you saw it for the first time, but it could still make you weak in your knees.

And somehow, it was now even more charming now than the day you met, more tender than just before you kissed for the first time, sweeter than when he proposed.

“Hey sweetheart,” he greeted you, appreciative gaze roaming your figure and the little too much skin on display – something you regretted when the warm sunrays had bid you goodbye, raising goosebumps. And Steve, the attentive man he was, noticed, his smile earning a teasing edge. “You look a bit cold in there.”

You resisted the urge to stick your tongue out.

“And you look pretty cosy in there. Thought you’d be either asleep or with Bucky.”

Steve shrugged, not letting go of his unfinished chapter just yet, knowing you had a routine to go through before joining him.

“Maybe I missed you. Maybe Bucky is an old man and needs his sleep.”

You chuckled, not rising to the bait – you knew what would follow if you dared to say Steve was just as old. Not that you would complain about Steve trying to convince you about the opposite. You could never.

“Well, I bet he still made you a promise of breaking a bone of mine or two if I ever hurt you. He’ll find energy for that, centenarian or not,” you hummed nonchalantly as you bounced off the doorframe, heading to the bathroom and leaving Steve puzzled by your remark.

“How did you know?” he called out after you, endearingly confused.

“That’s what big brothers do, love!”

Short silence was your answer as you reached for your toothbrush and begun your nighty ritual.

Steve must have figure out what did it mean for him, considering you had a protective brother of your own, because a moment later, his half-amused “noted!” reached your ears.

You chuckled and shook your head, smile spread on your face which you didn’t think could be erased as long as you were in this paradise – free of worry, full of joy. And why wouldn’t you be? You were about to marry one of the smartest, kindest, sassiest and most beautiful men that ever walked the Earth. What was not to love?

You couldn’t but let your mind wander again; if you had only known the day you met, right from that moment, that you’d end up here…. well. It felt a little surreal, knowing that by this time tomorrow, you’d be Steve’s wife; then again, Steve’s life story was surreal enough on its own.

Who would have thought that the stubborn handsome man in the ridiculous suit and you, equally stubborn about you at least checking on the wound upon half-dragging him to a quiet corner in a middle of a battlefield, would grow so close?

It hadn’t been simple. Steve wasn’t the most open guy and while friendly enough, he wasn’t exactly offering his heart on his sleeve, not to strangers. But it hadn’t been too hard, once you were meeting on regular basis. Piece by piece he revealed his true colours and soon after he did… you started falling; hard and fast.

Not necessarily swooning, not on the outside at least; you were a professional, after all. The safety and the well-being of the team was your priority.

It was just too bad – or the best thing, you supposed – that Steve had the same goal as you with one significant difference; as far as he was concerned, the responsibility to look after his team sometimes excluded him.

Oh, was he wrong about that.

And boy, did you let him know you thought so. You still kept proving him wrong to this day and was planning on nurturing his own acknowledgement of his self-worth till your last breath…

“Get your ass in here, Steve!” you called out after him, slowly losing patience as you had tried asking politely the previous two times with no result but being dismissed.

The change of tone and language made his head snap to you from where he was talking to Sam, an offended scowl on his face.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Captain. Don’t be a stubborn jerk and get your ass in here so I can clean your cuts.”

A few months ago, you wouldn’t have been able to talk to him like that; to the great legend, Captain America. At least you certainly wouldn’t have called him his first name and maybe, just maybe, you’d be a little less crass. But now? He might be Captain America still, a hero who deserved all the good things for the sacrifices he made for the world’s safety, but first and foremost, he was just Steve to you.

A colleague, a teammate, a friend. You might not be a part of the team per se, not the way Clint, Natasha or Steve were, but you still belonged. And you were all friends.

Friends irritated each other sometimes and frankly, Steve was often battling with Tony for the mantle of the most infuriating one.

Friends also needed to call each other out on their bullshit by any means necessary when the time was right and now the time was as good as any.

Usually, Steve slipped through your fingers, because he was a supersoldier and the others weren’t, so their injuries took precedence; today, it was only Natasha, Sam and Steve, and the captain was the only one whom you hadn’t checked yet. And you knew there were things to check, the trickle of blood from his eyebrow probably the least of your concerns.

“I wouldn’t argue with her, Steve. She can be pretty stubborn. Clint wouldn’t stop complaining about it,” Natasha supported you from the pilot seat and you fought yourself so you wouldn’t grin at her in victory – it would only irritated Steve further. “She’s almost as bull-headed as you are.”

At that, your smile would have slipped. But honestly, she wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t I know it,” Steve grunted, sparing Sam another glance and when the Falcon himself beckoned to you as well, wordlessly asking Steve to get himself checked up.

The captain sighed irately, but made his way back to the separate and well-lit space of your examination room.

He didn’t try to hide his annoyance – in fact, he squared his shoulders and his steps sounded a bit loud for anyone to believe it was a coincidence. Also, the scowl of exasperation never left his otherwise handsome face.

“This is completely unnecessary. A stupid waste of time,” he hissed as he walked past you and you took a deep calming breath, exchanging an eyeroll with Sam before you disappeared from sight.

“Captain. I respect you and your position, but you say one more time that my job here is unnecessary and stupid, you’ll be looking for a new medic,” you retorted as he stripped the upper part of his uniform angrily, revealing his white-tank-top-clad torso.

Well, at least the fabric used to be white – now a blood stain the size of both of your palms was seeping into the material at Steve’s right side, gushing from what definitely appeared to be a knife wound.

You were gonna murder him one of those days... unless he got killed himself first.

“Seriously?!”

“It’s just a graze-” he started to argue but you cut him off when you tore the fabric away. He winced as some of the dried blood had acted as a glue, having stuck the cloth into the wound, and now was violently ripped off.

“Tr to insinuate again that I’m incompetent at recognizing what’s just a graze, Steve. I dare you. This is a cut wide and deep enough for stitches! Haven’t you had the serum, you could have been bleeding out to death on this table!”

“But I do have it-“

“Or for fuck’s SAKE, stop being a baby and let me treat the bloody gash in your right mesogastric area! The serum accelerates your healing, but it doesn’t make you invincible OR immortal as far as I know--- Jesus fucking Christ-!”

He bristled, taking a deep breath to fight back, but he never got the chance, because you started working and the words died in his throat. Surprisingly, inspecting the damage, poking around a knife wound that might have already begin to seal itself thanks to Erskine’s formula but had not been just a graze hurt and coincidentally, it pulled the rug from under his feet.

To his credit, Steve barely even hissed at the pain.

“Just so you know, I’ll be using the disinfection that stings worse,” you noted, voice dripping venom, because you were genuinely done with Steve’s bullshit.

You lied through your teeth though. You wouldn’t. No matter how infuriating Steve was and how difficult he made your life – causing you to fall for his stupid martyr ass and pine after him among other things – you would never purposely hurt him.

And he must have sensed that, because your remark didn’t earn you a murderous glare or a retort – much to your surprise.

In fact, Steve fell entirely quiet, watching you work without protest, not even objecting when you applied enough local anaesthetic to knock out an elephant and sewed the tissue together so it healed easier. He let you inspect the rest of his torso and bandage his ribs, vigorously shaking his head when you asked him if he was injured anywhere below the waist.

He observed you as you kept an eye on his face for any minute sign of pain he’d be hiding, but all you could see were his irises, startlingly bright blue, pools of honesty and something you had trouble decoding. He seemed… humbled almost. It silenced the anger inside you, the flames of rage – and fear for his well-being, if you were being honest with yourself – turning into a barely smouldering pile of ash.

When you moved on to his head, gently pushing away the strands which obscured the gash on his eyebrow, his eyelids slid shut. You knew how unpleasant facial injuries were, especially around one’s eyes and so you took care to be extra careful as you cleaned the wound and the area surrounding it, most definitely not using the stingy disinfectant.

Not that Steve could get an infection as far as you knew. It was more force of a habit than anything else… and it made you feel better. He had this idiotic mask of an invincible hero he put up sometimes and it drove you insane, because you knew he was only human, a beautiful kind soul, but god, could he be an ass.

“Almost done,” you whispered soothingly when you noticed his jaw tightening as you had to apply a bit more pressure to get a tiny piece of gravel from the cut. You certainly didn’t want that to stay under the newly healing skin.

The moment you retreated with the bloody gauze, Steve’s eyes were back on you, wide and regretful.

“I’m sorry,” he offered quietly, a genuine apology that sounded almost absurd after you two were hissing at each other like damn hellcats. “I didn’t mean to--- I’m sorry for being rude and ungrateful. Thank you for taking care of my injuries.”

One glance into those deep irises and benign hesitant smile and you were done for. How could you stay mad at him? Well, you were still mad at him for the absolute disregard of his own health, but… well. You also understood he felt like he needed to stay strong for the team and put them first and how he actually was in pain.

Pretty much everyone was a pain in the ass when in pain.

You sighed as you searched for few band-aid strips to cover the cut.  

“It’s alright, Steve. I’m used to old men being grumpy and not meaning things they say when they are,” you offered lightly and he hung his head with a chuckle, clearly not taking the old man remark personally – and understanding you were referring to your brother.

His smile was wider when he looked up again. “You shouldn’t have to be used to it.”

You shrugged, carefully slipping two fingers under his chin to angle his face so you could stick the strips over the wound.

“Well, I deserve it sometimes. I don’t mean to… to be overbearing and make you feel like you’re incompetent or something,” you added hesitantly, worrying your teeth over your lower lip as the tone you’d been handling him with caught up with you. Perhaps you could have been nicer.

You smoothened the stripes of band-aid, gulping as you felt Steve’s gaze boring into your face while you continued.

“I know you’re not incompetent. You’re very capable, you’re the best. It’s just… I still--- worry- for all of you. For the full-time Earth’s mightiest heroes. Silly, huh?” you muttered self-depreciatingly and when your eyes met, you were startled by the intensity he watched you with as you laid your fears bare in front of him, leaving you vulnerable. You swiftly looked away and dropped your hands. “Here, almost as good as new.”

A lump grew in your throat as you stripped your gloves, tossing them into the bin. Did you reveal too much? Didn’t it sound silly indeed as you said it out loud? Yes, you were all friendly with each other, but you were supposed to be a professional, focused on your task, not getting distracted by-

-by Steve gently grasping your wrist, causing your heart to skip a startled beat. Definitely not getting weak in the knees when you shot him a surprised glance and he just… brought your hand to his face, lips briefly skimming over your knuckles.

Jesus Christ, Lord have mercy with me.

“Don’t you ever apologize for caring. Don’t stop caring. Silly is the last thing I’d call it.”

Your cheeks felt like set on fire, stomach fluttering as well as your heart. You could feel the ghost of Steve’s lips on your skin, sending your heartrate sky-high, causing your head to spin a bit, your body hot all over.

Did he really—did he just-? And did it mean that… did it mean anything at all?

He let go of your hand, thumb brushing over your knuckles, but held your gaze adamantly as he gave you a sad smile and rose to his feet, clearly ready to leave.

You, on the hand, stood there frozen, mind racing.

Why had he done that? Was he really just trying to express gratitude and say sorry for his previous behaviour? Because that was not the way it was supposed to be done, because such tenderness left you entirely bewildered. Was he trying to tell you he was somehow interested in something more than friendship? Was he just high from the anaesthetic, mind you, local one that was not supposed to mess with his brain? Was there any sign of a head injury you missed?

“Thank you, again,” he whispered softly, moving to sidestep you and your hand instinctively shot out, latching onto his forearm… gently.

You gulped, heart stuttering when he glanced at you, puzzled.

One part of you wanted to sink into the floor in embarrassment at your unwitting reaction. Another part of you observed him so closely that you would swear that there was another emotion in his eyes and it was neither apology nor gratitude. You wistfully hoped for longing, the same longing you felt when you were near him, sometimes distant and barely there, other times so acute it hurt.

With your stomach somersaulting in doubt, you willed yourself to raise your free hand slowly, purposely giving him a chance – Lord, please, don’t let him take it – to stop you before your palm settled on his cheek.

You were certain you experienced a small cardiac arrest when Steve not only didn’t avoid the touch, but actually leaned into it, gaze fixed on your face, eyes brighter and softer than you ever remembered seeing. Your gaze flickered to his mouth deliberately, throat turning dry. Too daring? He kissed you knuckles, surely you could reciprocate some affection?

Swallowing against your dry throat, you leaned in before you could change your mind and dropped the briefest peck to his lips, causing his eyelids to flutter shut.

Oh no. Oh no no no no, you totally crossed a line-

You went to retreat your hands from him, but the second you moved, his eyes were snapping open, hand covering yours on his face to keep it there, the other cradling your face and then there was a warm and soft sensation on your own lips as he seized them with his.

Your mind went completely blank save two single thoughts: Steve is kissing me. I really like that.

A small sound escaped you, a blend of surprise and contentment, breaking you from your trance and turning you into an actual participant of the pleasant and entirely unexpected activity.

You drew in a small breath, head spinning from the scent of Steve’s shampoo, disinfectant, sweat and something you couldn’t quite put your finger on and not caring.

He tasted faintly of blood, but otherwise was nothing but sweet as his lips caressed yours, gently tugging at your lower lip and then the upper, the lightest graze of teeth and tease of tongue, finger pressing into your jaw to pull you closer, thumb stroking your cheek.

You whimpered involuntarily when his lips parted from yours, soothing as they returned for a short peck, to drop a brief kiss to the corner of your mouth, to brush your cheek.

Your name was a breathy whisper between the two of you, barely audible as all you could hear was your heartbeat pulsing frantically in your ears, growing aware of your fingers clutching at Steve’s still unzipped armour and nearly sinking in his hair, his hot breath tickling your skin.

You didn’t dare to open your eyes – what if you dreamed it up? What if you looked at him and saw regret – it didn’t feel like he would be regretting it, but… still. Insecurity tugged at your mind as it slowly cleared from the literally breath-taking kiss.

Steve repeated your name with urgency that was unheard of, the single word sounding almost as a plea.

“Please say something.”

Oh.

You blinked your eyes open, surprised to be met with his searching gaze, a minute furrow of his brows. It seemed you weren’t the only one whose mind was being the worst of one’s enemies.

Perhaps your brain was being stupid. Perhaps you both wanted this. Perhaps you felt exactly the same.

As you forced yourself to move, fingers actually slipping into his hair to caress his nape, Steve inhaled shakily, shoulders slumping. The tinniest of smiles tugged at his mouth, tempting red and minutely swollen from the kiss; you had to resist the urge to just taste it again.

Instead, you licked your lips only, savouring the previous sensations, smiling unwittingly.

“That’s… uhm, that’s a really creative new way of driving me crazy.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose along with one corner of his mouth, relief written all over his face.

“Oh? There are other ways in which I’m driving you crazy? Because I couldn’t tell...”

You narrowed your eyes, but you didn’t think he bought you unconvincing act of being irritated with him at such remark.

“Don’t push it, Captain,” you warned him, but your treacherous mouth kept curling up in a smile, your body still buzzing with aftershocks of the kiss.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Uh-huh… s-sure,” you stuttered briefly as his thumb caressed your cheek, bright smiling eyes watching only inches from your face – and yet it felt like he was too far.

“You’re driving me crazy too, you know,” he noted in a breathy voice, causing you to gulp as his gaze flickered to your mouth, clearly implying how you do so… among other ways… like your stubbornness practically matching his.

“Oh really? I do? I couldn’t tell…”

He chuckled, his hand slipping to your nape, soft tickle of his fingers making you squirm.

“I’m gonna kiss you again now if that’s okay,” he whispered, not waiting for your permission and erasing the distance between your lips again.

Still, you whispered your approval to his mouth.

“So okay…”

Long moments later when Sam called out to warn you that you’d be landing soon, you said yes to the grumpy old man’s request to let him treat you dinner.

Oh if you only knew by then how far you’d come…

Lost in thought, goofy smile on your face, you exited the bathroom, ready to snuggle your future husband… and to fully take the opportunity to make love, last night before you officially became his and he became yours.

You had a brief second to register that the bed was empty, your heart skipping a started and disappointed beat. The second you stepped out though, you were literally swept off your feet.

A yelp erupted from your throat as you found yourself with no ground under your feet and high in the air, one of Steve’s arms under your knees, the other under your back. Your hands frantically gripped at the nearest firm point, Steve’s shoulder and arm as you finally realized what the hell happened and was met with a cheeky grin and sparkling blue of his eyes.

That traitor was waiting just by the door to ambush you! Why?

You slapped his very much bare shoulder playfully, hissing a curse, not unaware of the heat radiating of him and seeping into your skin.

“You jerk! You almost gave me a heart attack!” you complained, but he didn’t even have the decency to look apologetic.

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re not.”

Steve grinned wider, shrugging and pulling you closer to his torso, nuzzling your temple and dropping a placatory kiss there.

“Still looking a little cold.”

“No, I look like this because you scared me,” you emphasized, vainly trying to resist the seduction; a mixture of playfulness, sweetness and blatant display of strength as he still held you with ease. It was hard not to be temped. “And you look like you’re awfully warm, parading here without a shirt.”

“Well, I’d call us even since you’re parading around in these absolutely sinful shorts. Makes me hot. I can warm you up,” he mumbled to your skin, lips moving to your ear, causing you to shudder.

How was it so easy for him to make you all hot and bothered? You guessed that at least, as he said, it made you even... it wasn’t difficult to get him riled up either.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Driving you crazy?” Steve offered, sounding awfully delighted at the idea and you only melted into him further at the reminiscence of your first kiss and what followed.

“Always,” you confirmed, deadly serious, but you couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of your lips or the mewl that escaped you when his teeth grazed the shell of your ear, warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

“But you love it.”

“Uh-huh…”

“I can live with that with that then,” he said, stalking to the bed determinately. “Now let me drive you so crazy you can barely speak and the only sound you’re making is whimpering my name.”

He all but tossed you on the bed, a yelp of his name in fact erupting from your throat, followed by a fit of giggles that only died when his mouth seized yours, his lips only leaving when heading south to indeed drive you crazy.

And yes; you loved it.

And you loved him too.

In one unending moment I fall within your reach My song a sweet surrender Hold on to me Hold on to me

Before the girls could steal you from him, Steve decided – with your enthusiastic agreement – that you should once again try how it felt to make some morning lovin’ outside marriage. With the ceremony planned for the late afternoon, you had plenty of time; and needless to say, it was bliss. Then again, you believed that marital sex with Steve would be just as delightfully pleasant, thank you very much.

Then, it was a whirlwind – make up, hair, dress, a tear or two spilled when you saw the result in the mirror.

More tears spilled when you glanced out of the window and saw the tastefully and modestly decorated arch, the path created by few scattered rose petals, the male part of your almost family sans Clint in the suits, effectively hiding Steve from you; and you from his just in case, because no one wanted any bad luck.

Your staring was interrupted when your brother went to pick you up to lead you down the aisle.

Upon entering the room and setting his gaze on you, he promptly looked away with a sniffle. It both warmed your heart and made you laugh as did his remark.

“Nope, not giving you to him. In fact, I’m never giving you to anyone. No one will ever be worthy, so I’m keeping you.”

“Hush, Clinton, you’ll still have me,” Natasha winked at him as he took a deep calming breath before carefully eyeing you again.

Clearly, it hadn’t done the job, because few tears still found their way down his cheeks.

“You’re a knock-out, sis,” he sputtered hastily, but no less honestly – clearly moved to tears.

And yet… you snorted at his choice of words and he rolled his eyes, quick to compliment your beauty instead.

You wouldn’t have it any other way though, even appreciating his first remark more for it came from the bottom of his heart rather than from what convention required.

Embracing you carefully in fear he would mess up the work of art his wife and other girls created, he held you in his arms for a moment, as you retuned the hug, clutching at his suit with a little too force. From the corner of your eye, you noticed the bridesmaids clearing the room.

“It’s not like I’m leaving you, Bobo,” you hummed with a smile, throwing his own words from last night at him.

And you weren’t leaving him; your heart swelled with love for your brother, your father figure, your long-life friend.

With sniffle, he let go of you and looked you up and down, proud smile spreading on his lips.

“It’s okay. If you are, I have the best spy in the world for a wife, we’ll drag your ass back home.”

You just slapped his chest playfully and took a deep breath – it was time. Clint grasped your hand firmly then, elbows interlocking, and went to step out just a moment after the bridesmaids left to join the groomsmen.

Well-aware everyone was going to stare and that Steve awaited you at the end of the aisle to marry you, your legs were shaking minutely as the magnitude of the event finally dawned to you.

“Getting second thoughts now?” Clint teased you, eliciting a chuckle from you and shake of your head.

What a question.

“No. Just… please don’t let me fall,” you muttered to him, entirely serious and grateful for your choice of footwear – simple flats hidden by the long flowing skirt of your dress. Better chance of not spraining your ankle on your wedding day.

“Never.”

Clint squeezed your hand under his warm palm and you took a deep breath, stepping into the doorway. Soft melody welcomed you, your very own wedding march Bruce was playing on a mouth organ – something you had previously had no idea he was capable of.  

Looking up from your skirt, you feasted your eyes on the company and the beautiful scenery for only a regretfully short moment, grateful for Sam’s Redwing programmed to record and take photos.

Your gaze instinctively searched the small crowd instead, until it fell under the arch where three men stood.

One of them was Sam himself, having obtained a licence so he could be your wedding registrar; he looked positively dashing. So did Bucky, who patted his best friend dressed in his old-fashioned green captain uniform on the shoulder, his smirk visible even from tens feet away as he stepped back.

Naturally, your gaze lingered on Steve, your feet acting of their own accord and following your brother’s lead.

Gosh, your future husband was the most handsome and absolutely hottest specimen to ever walk the Earth. Hair combed neatly to one side and in his old army uniform, he truly looked like the gentleman from another era he was and yet, he undeniably belonged exactly where he was. His eyes were bright and blue just like the sky, lips slightly parting before curling up into a brilliant smile which somehow still carried the tenderness he treated you with when he felt particularly affectionate.

He must have uttered something under his breath, because Bucky pressed his lips together as if he was holding back laugh. The absolutely best best man, ladies and gentleman.

Your found yourself smiling just as widely, a stray tear tickling the corner of your eye and you had to fight the sudden urge to ditch Clint in order to gather your skirts and run the rest of the way just to jump into Steve’s arms.

But in reality, there was no rush – here, on the damn island Tony rented, there was so much time that one short walk meant nothing in comparison.

“Alright, maybe I’ll give you to him,” Clint whispered, making you bite the inside of your cheek so you would cackle.

Leave it to your brother he would find Steve Rogers so fine he’d be willing to give you out just to have him become a part of your family.

One corner of Steve’s lips twitched in amusement – supersoldier hearing didn’t miss the remark then. Good. Then Bucky heard it too and you had a witness just in case Clint would change his mind. Again.

Finally, with your heart almost in your throat, you reached the end of the aisle, Clint gently putting your hand into Steve’s… without letting go.

“You be nice to her, Cap. And I mean really nice, you hear? Or else-“

“Hush,” you hissed good-naturedly in your brother’s direction, winking at him before you returned your gaze to Steve. “Hey there, handsome.”

Steve chuckled under his breath when Clint stepped back. He returned the greeting with soft ‘hey there, beautiful’ and then proceeded to lift your joined hands, brushing your knuckles with his lips – just like the day you shared your first kiss.

Well now you truly found yourself on the verge of crying. And Lord, you wanted to kiss him so much-

Sam cleared his throat loudly, casting you both a meaningful look as if he could read your mind and wanted to remind you that there were a few things to go through before that could happen.

Ugh. Formalities. Just let me kiss him…

Steve licked his lips – the audacity! – and turned, lightly tugging at your hand so you both faced your friend who held a little leather book open, beckoning towards the guests: Bucky and Natasha, the best man and the best woman, Clint, Bruce, Tony, Vision, Wanda, Sharon, Pepper. Just your closest friends and family.

Sam cleared his throat again.

“Alright. We all know why we gathered here today. To get these two amazing people married, so they could officially become a special team within our team.”

You grinned, peripherally noticing Steve eyeing you as well. Team indeed.

“This is the part where I would ask all of you, bride and groom included, to speak up now if you’re aware of anything standing in the way of this wedlock or to remain silent forever. But frankly, if you have something to say, right now is the perfect time to keep it to yourself. Just let these lovebirds get married…”

Muffled laughter and giggles erupted from your group. Honestly, you wouldn’t say it better. You noticed Clint shifting and Natasha forcefully holding his hand down; you bit down on your lip so you wouldn’t laugh and sent her a grateful smile instead. The best maid of honour ever.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear, folks. We have the rings, correct? Great. Just so you know, these two saps asked me to read one vow which they are making to each other, because they didn’t trust themselves to say theirs individually without bursting into tears. So now it’s left to me to cry instead. Thanks for that.”

Your cheeks were honestly starting to hurt from smiling so wide, but tears prickled in your eyes acutely just at the thought of the vow you agreed on. You spent countless hours thinking about what you wanted to say and realized that your vow would be too long and that you would in fact start crying and that you could never name all the things you loved Steve for. It had been a relief to find out that Steve shared the sentiment and the deal was made.

Natasha and Bucky dutifully laid the rings on the pillow Wanda’s powers held levitating by your and Steve’s side – not without Bucky finding a split second to compliment your appearance and earning a brief smirk from Steve.

“I know,” Steve uttered and you wondered if there was a dare going around as to who would make you burst out laughing first.

This was your wedding dammit. You could be at least a bit a lady and remain collected.

Hardly.

“With this ring,” Sam started, breathing in and out and you knew you already lost, first tear rolling down your cheek as you gazed into Steve’s inviting eyes, “I give myself to you without giving up myself. With this ring, I surrender to you for I have faith you understand the value of wielding such power and for I deem you worthy of it. With this ring, I promise to love you, to respect you and to support you to be your best self as I trust you to do the same for me, for us.”

You blinked away the waterfalls, reaching almost blindly for Steve’s ring and with fingers trembling – with giddiness, not nerves – you somehow succeeded at slipping it on his left ring finger.

“I do,” you whispered, your voice cracking even in such simple sentence and the watery smile Steve graced you with made your ribcage feel too small for your swelling heart.

Fingers equally clumsy, he slipped a ring on you as well, shoulders squaring as if in pride.

“I do,” he said firmly, the damp path down his left cheek only adding severity to his vow.

“You may-- uhm, okay, you may kiss the bride, your wife--- I mean, Mrs. Rogers. You may kiss the groom, your husband…” Sam mumbled under his breath until he didn’t, because Steve pulled you in for a kiss the same moment Sam said the first ‘may’ and incidentally, the same moment you practically threw yourself at Steve.

Laughter and whistles erupted from the group of your friends as Steve bend you back dramatically, the determined press of his lips to yours not at all disrupted by the change of angle, claiming your mouth in ways that made you shudder and stirred flames in your belly.

Years and years later, you’d recall that kiss and realized an amazing thing; how it felt just like your first kiss, your last one, and every single one in between.

With you still practically horizontal, Steve’s crinkling eyes met yours, delighted smile on his kiss-swollen lips.

“I love you, Mrs. Rogers,” he hummed, adding a cheeky grin. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“The horror,” you muttered back teasingly, pulling at his nape, demanding another kiss, your own declaration whispered to his mouth. “I love you too, Mr. Rogers.”

And you did. Gosh, you did.

S.R. masterlist

(divider by firefly-graphics)

Well. This turned out SO DIFFERENTLY than I anticipated and SO MUCH LONGER. If you feel like leaving feedback, I’ll be grateful. If not, well. *shurgs*

Excuse me while I go and continue dreaming of ONE fictional man. Ugh. Anyway.

Thank you for reading!

And once again, thanks to WIYBUPT for hosting and for just being awesome in general :)

[teeth-farie]

Love Letters: Delphi and Julian

☞. . . A love letter commission for my friend @ghoulfriendfangs ! The context behind this one is Julian being sappy and dramatic and writing a post coital letter. I hope you like it!

A scroll is left on your nightstand table, along with a steaming mug of rich coffee. The paper is textured under your fingers with little ink-stained blots peppering the corners. The handwriting is quick and scratchy, near illegible if not for your familiarity with it.

My dearest Delphi,

Last night was an utter dream. You’re everything I could have wanted and hoped for and more; and even as I write this in the earliest crack of dawn, I reminisce about how your lips felt on mine, your hands searing against my skin. Oh Delphi, you truly have no idea what you do to me.

It’s silly, I know, to be so worked up over a letter like this, but I know I’d never truly confess how I feel for my tongue would betray me. You’ve told me before my mouth seemed quite good at babbling, though, ah, that might be fit for a different context than this.

To be honest, I’ve never felt the way I did with you before. I like to fancy myself as experienced, but you render me breathless and blushing like a virgin far too easily; though I’m not one to complain. I’ve never felt so vulnerable with anyone else, I’ve never connected to someone before like I have with you. It felt so right, to lay with you; it felt like you’ve touched me a million times before and it wasn’t any less tantalizing. I still feel so light, even writing this now. I could walk up to the mirror and peer at myself, I could see the bites and swells you’ve kissed into my skin–I could press and feel the reminder of your love buried into my flesh. I don’t want them to ever fade away.

Being with you is so blissful, it feels like something I wasn’t allowed to have. Now, I’m the kind of man to get into things I shouldn’t, but taking your heart, I couldn't bear. And that left you with the only option to take mine, didn’t it? I could never be upset with that; all of me is yours. My heart, my soul, my everything. Take what you need, Delphi, I am but your faithful lover. And your toy, your bitch, your knife block, anything you want me to be, I can be good All I ask for in return is a slice of heaven that is your affections.

Sometimes I still can’t believe this is something I can have- that you’re someone I can have. I never thought I could have a life like this, a life with you, a life where I’m not twisting at every turn avoiding the guards. I’m a free man, and I have you to thank for that; even if I was idiotic through the entire ordeal.

Even the mundane things that I used to take for granted, I can enjoy with you. Like a stroll through the marketplace or even sitting by the window to watch the sunset with you. Ah, I’ve really gotten sappy, haven’t I? I’m still feeling a little fuzzy from last night, who knew you had this effect on me?

I love you, Delphi. I truly do and I have since that moment together on the docks. I want to have a life with you, a long life where we both get wrinkly and old together and sail the seas to far-off places. Would you grant this salty old seadog this wish? Alas, it can’t be done at this moment, so why not come to the kitchen for breakfast instead?

Love,

Julian

The sound of clattering and a surprised curse is well-timed enough when you finish reading the letter, bringing a smile onto your face and a warmth in your chest. You shake your head and grab the mug of cooled coffee, sipping it gingerly as you get out of bed to greet your sappy, love-stricken fool.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Perfect

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: After much research and seeking out advice from Tony, Loki asks you on a date. Warnings: dialogue heavy and an adorably awkward Loki A/N: Thank you for requesting @akhansen2800! I hope you enjoy :) 

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

The common room was a mess, thanks to the trickster god. There was paper and books littered all over the floor. Not to mention bits and pieces from the computer he may or may not have smashed against the ground. It really was hardly his fault, though; it was the insipid machine that dared defy him.

“Woah, Reindeer Games,” Tony said, walking in, sidestepping the junk on the ground. “Did a tornado hit or something?”

“Oh, very funny, Stark. If you ask me, it is an improvement over this drab decor you have picked,” Loki quipped, eyes never leaving the page he was reading.

“No, how could you! My heart, it can’t take this,” Tony overdramatically gasped, flopping on top of the papers strewn on the couch. “Goodbye, cruel world.”

“Your theatrics never cease to amaze me,” Loki sighed, finally looking up at the man he’d come to call friend. “And that says a lot, coming from me.”

“You’re right, it’s high praise.” Tony picked up one of the papers he’d crinkled from laying on top of. “What is all this, anyway?”

Just because Loki considered Tony a friend, didn’t mean he necessarily wanted to say what he was doing. He was still a rather closed off person and, in all honesty, preferred to avoid any and all talks about his emotions. Which, of course, brings him right back to why he’s sitting in the middle of this mess, anyway. His emotions, which, despite his best efforts, he did still have.

Loki stood up and stretched his muscles, achy from being hunched over his reading material for so long.  He snatched away the page Tony was perusing, only for him to grab another one to skim. Realizing any effort to keep confiscating the papers one at a time would be fruitless, Loki moved it all to his room with a snap of his fingers. Then he sat next to his companion and began wringing his hands in that awful nervous tic of his. Truth be told, he could use some advice, but that only brought him back to square one of having to talk about his feelings. Tony leaned back on the couch while patiently awaiting Loki’s answer.

“I was doing some research,” Loki finally admitted. “On some Midgardian things.”

“That’s cute, Reindeer, but you could just ask me. Or maybe Peter if it's a pop culture thing.”

“It is not.” Loki wondered how much he could beat around the bush before he either had to give up on the conversation or genuinely say what was wrong. “It is just something I am not entirely sure how to go about.”

“I’m great at giving advice.”

“No, you are not,” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Sure I am!” Tony exclaimed, feigning hurt. “How would you know, anyway? You’ve never actually asked me for any.”

“Maybe not, but I have seen the way you live your own life, Stark.”

“That’s entirely different,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Come on, give me a chance. Fire away, I’m ready.”

Loki merely rolled his eyes again, though he was actually considering it. He hated to admit it—he really hated to admit it—but Tony had become somewhat of a father figure to him. That was absolutely ridiculous, of course, considering how Loki was a thousand years older than the man. But after his childhood, he’d be silly to reject that kind of relationship. Loki supposed that if he had to go to anyone with this problem, Tony wasn’t a terrible option. Besides, he should probably let himself be emotionally vulnerable very once in a while, right? That was supposed to be good or something, he thought. So, he steeled himself, and told Tony his issue.

“There is this Midgardian that I know. They are very sweet and kind and perfect... I mean, they are as bearable as a Midgardian can be,” Loki covered up, blushing slightly from how much he had just revealed. “I would like to ask them to spend some time with me, but I am not sure how.”

“Awww, you have a crush,” Tony cooed. “How sweet. You want to ask them out.”

“No,” Loki protested, stubborn as ever. Tony just raised his eyebrows at him. “Ok, fine! Yes, I would like to take them on a date, but I am dreadfully lacking in knowledge on Midgardian dating etiquette.”

“You’ve come to the right place,” Tony grinned. “Oh and take notes.”

And so, Loki spent the next two and a half hours listening to Tony ramble on. Most of it was just him going on rather useless tangents about his own endeavors in love. The God of Mischief rolled his eyes so many times, he began to fear they might roll out of his head. His notes, at least, were pretty amusing. Ok, to call them notes may be a little generous. They were mainly silly doodles of Tony monologuing, with the few helpful things he said jotted in the margins. He got so invested in one of his little caricatures that he didn’t even notice Tony stopped speaking.

“Hey, that’s not what I look like,” Tony pouted, peering at the drawing.

“Well nothing you were saying was helping, Stark.” Loki put the note pad in one of his dimensional pockets. “I am not like you. I am not a flashy person when it comes to matters of the heart.”

“Oh, so you want to go the be yourself way. You know, the sappy speeches and flowers and chocolates direction.”

Loki perked up a bit. “Yes. Yes, that sounds splendid.”

Tony sighed and gave Loki a list of movies to watch. And told him to speak from the heart. That troubled Loki; no one ever really cared to listen to him speak before. But, he dutifully watched all the assigned movies, supplemented by some of the books he was still combing through.

After a week of preparation and many, many drafts of a speech to say to you, Loki was finally ready to ask you out. Donning his best Midgardian suit, he walked out of his room, greeted by a bright flash of light. Tony was standing there, camera in hand.

“Look, at my little boy,” he fake cried. “All grown up.”

“Stark, will your antics ever stop?” Loki looked at the camera out of the corner of his eye. “And delete that photo, I was not ready.”

“Nope. It’s payback for all those unflattering doodles. Now, go get ‘em, Reindeer. Remember: Just be yourself.”

Easier said than done, Loki thought as he called upon his seiðr, teleporting to your street. You were an employee at Stark Tower; that’s how the two of you met. Loki had been looking for his brother, his search taking him into the cafeteria, one of his least favorite places in the whole building. It was always too loud and populated for someone who liked his silence and solitude. The sheer number of people in the room was overwhelming to the god that day, but he needed to speak with Thor, and he’d searched just about every other place his brother could be. He could not spot him in the crowd, but his eyes landed on you, off near a corner at a table alone and reading a book. He cast one last nervous look around the room before heading towards where you were, his social anxiety kicking in.

“Hello,” he said after clearing his throat.

You looked up at him with a dreamy sort of gleam in your eye that revealed how enchanted you’d been with your book. It gave Loki a little boost of confidence to know that that happened to you, too. That you could get so lost in a story that the world around you disappeared. It calmed his racing heart a little.

“Oh uh, hi,” you greeted with a chipper smile. Then more nervously, added, “It’s Loki, right?”

“Yes, that is correct. Loki of Asgard, pleased to make your acquaintance,” he said, sweeping into a small bow. “And you are?”

You told him his name, extending your hand for a shake. “How can I help you?”

“I am looking for my brother, but I cannot find him. You have not seen him around, have you?”

“I actually did see him earlier, though I’m not sure- Wait!” you suddenly exclaimed, and Loki followed your gaze. “He’s over there.”

Loki gulped. Of course his brother was at the table in the center of the room, surrounded by people. He really needed to talk to him about a mission, but the thought of going over there was making his stomach feel queasy. He tried to take a step forward, but his feet were apparently glued to the floor.

“Hey, if you’re nervous about going over there, I get it. Crowds can be scary,” you said, picking up on his subtle fidgeting. “The room usually clears out significantly in about ten minutes from now. I, um, was going to that little cafe over in the corner and get some tea or coffee, if you want to come.” Loki stared at you for a moment, unused to being invited places, especially by mortals he did not know. You seemed to mistake his silence, though, and rushed to assure him he didn’t have to. “Sorry, that was probably stupid. You’re under no obligation to say yes, of course. I understand.”

“No! I mean, yes.” He sighed and mentally smacked himself. Ever since moving to Midgard, his silver tongue was not what it used to be around strangers. “I mean, no that is not stupid, and yes, I would like to go to that cafe with you.”

And go to that cafe you did, launching into an animated conversation about reading. Loki even made you laugh, which felt like a huge accomplishment to him. The both of you sat back down at your table with your warm drinks, still chatting. There were very few people Loki ever felt so relaxed with, especially so soon after meeting them. You didn’t talk about anything groundbreaking, but he enjoyed talking to a kindred spirit. Somehow you even got a smile tugging at his lips, getting wider by the minute.

True to what you’d said, the room noticeably emptied nearly ten minutes later. With only a few people left and after such an amazing conversation, Loki was sure he could go grab his brother out of the room. But that was the problem; the conversation was too amazing, and he didn’t want it to end. And it seemed you didn’t either.

“Hey, um, maybe this is weird, but do you maybe want to talk again sometime? Like if you ever need a friend or are bored or anything?” you ventured.

“I would love that,” he genuinely replied.

You quickly wrote down your number and, after double and triple checking it, handed it to him. He tucked it safely away in one of his inner pockets before getting up and you bidding you goodbye. Then, in a better mood than he’d been in in a long time, Loki waltzed over to Thor’s table and successfully extracted him from the few people still clinging to his every word. He glanced back at you one last time before exiting, and you gave him a small, somewhat shy wave. He returned it along with a smile.

Loki kept that all in his heart as he walked up to your door, finger hovering by the bell for a minute. Maybe this was silly. No, this was definitely ridiculous. But, if he stood here any longer, your neighbors would probably think he was some crazy person.

Really, he shouldn’t be so nervous. You talked all the time since that day of your first meeting, and you’d never seemed bothered by him before. Not even when he started bringing surprise morning coffees to your desk. Or when he started leaving you books he thought you might like. Or when he started giving you little hugs when you seemed down. In fact, you seemed touched by all that. But this was all so new to him, so different from anything he’d known before. What if he was reading it all wrong? Before he could talk himself out if it, he rang the bell.

He heard you shout that you were coming in response. He quickly adjusted his tie and then stood with the flowers hidden behind his back. He made sure to get a bouquet of your favorites. You opened the door and your mouth made an adorable little “o” of surprise before your lips formed a sweet smile.

“Loki!” you greeted, smoothing down your sweatshirt. “I wasn’t expecting you. Don’t get me wrong, though. It’s great to see you. Um, do you want to come in? The place is kind of a mess right now, but-”

Loki whipped out the flowers from behind him, making you cut out in surprise. He stared at his feet and nervously mumbled, “These are for you.”

“Loki, these are so beautiful. This is so sweet. Thank you.” You gave him one of those shy smiles that he loved so much. “I feel bad, I don’t have anything for you.”

“That is quite alright. I have come here to ask you something.”

“Oh! Ok. I’m all ears.”

Loki smiled at the Midgardian expression, calming him a little. “We have been friends for some time now, and I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute—nay, every second—I have spent with you. You are the most kindhearted being I have ever met, beautiful both inside and out. And thus, I find myself wanting something more than friendship, if you will allow it. My dear, sweet, darling little mortal, will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?”

“Oh, Loki,” you breathed. “That was beautiful. I would absolutely love to go on a date with you.”

He cheered on the inside, and you hugged him close. After you pulled away, the two of you stood there for a minute, smiling like dorks. It seemed to Loki that no matter how badly he wanted to say something else, the only thought occupying his brain was that you said yes. He could hardly believe you said yes.

“So, uh, what are we going to do on our date?” you sheepishly asked.

Loki’s face dropped. He couldn’t believe how foolish he was. “I do not know yet. I knew there was something I was forgetting. I am sorry, darling.”

“That’s ok, Loki,” you kindheartedly laughed. “Tell you what, there’s a bookstore with the most adorable little cafe in it, just a couple blocks from here. Why don’t we go there?”

“That sounds perfect,” he replied, his smile returning already. “How does tomorrow sound? I can come pick you up around noon?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

You stared at each for another minute, those same goofy grins that gave away how happy you were plastered on your faces. When Loki began to overthink how awkward he probably looked, he found it in himself to tear his eyes away from your beauty.

“So I shall see you tomorrow then,” he nervously said.

“Yup! See you then,” you replied, your nerves equaling his own.

After a quick hug and waving goodbye to each other, you parted ways. Soon, Loki was back home in the Tower, happily sprawled on the sofa, book in hand.

“Hey Reindeer Games,” Tony greeted. “So, how’d it go? Was I right, or was I right?”

“As much as it pains me to admit it, Stark, you were right.” Loki smiled to himself, already daydreaming about your date. “It was perfect.”

Loki found that after so much anxiety and uncertainness, there was finally one thing he knew; tomorrow was going to be perfect, too.

[galacticgraffiti]

hello gala my wonderful little friend. i would LOVE to hear any director's commentary you have about this sweet wolffe drabble, especially wolffe's pov. is anyone surprised that i requested this? they shouldn't be. xx

Send me an ask to hear some director's commentary on any of my fics

Bee my sweet little honeycake! Your Wolffe is unparalleled, so I am beyond happy that you want to hear my silly little thoughts behind this ficlet. That request made me so happy, I remember that.

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An excerpt from the fic:

When he gets inside, your back is turned to him, head tilted back and a tiny little bottle in your hand with liquid dripping onto your face. What in kriff’s name- “What are you doing?” Wolffe’s voice sounds so confused that you whip around, almost dropping the bottle to the ground in the process, fluid running down your cheeks. Wolffe is over by your side in two long steps, one hand settling on your shoulder. “Oh- me'senbaar'ur, why are you crying? Did someone say something?” His voice gets deeper and even though he does not actually stand up straighter he somehow seems to get taller. “If any of my men mistreated you, I swear to-” “What?” you interrupt him, your eyebrows raising in confusion. “What are you- No one was mean to me. Your men are lovely companions.” His lip twitches slightly when he stares at you. “Was it something I did, then? I- I noticed the way you were staring at me today, did I say or do anything to make you uncomfortable? Tell me why you are crying.” You chuckle lightly, “I’m not crying, Commander. Sorry, should probably have cleared that up first. Also- I haven’t been staring at you, what do you… oh.” You blush when you realise what the situation must have seemed like to him. Stepping closer, you put one hand on his chestplate to calm him. Wolffe does not flinch away from your touch, but knits his brows. “Of course you have been staring at me, fucking squinting like you are trying to figure out the next way I’m gonna break a starship for you to fix.” “I’m sorry, Commander,” you grin. “It wasn’t intentional. I just- I was working on something earlier where I needed my magnifier anyways so I didn’t put in my contacts this morning. And then I kinda didn’t have time, so I squinted my way through this day and only just remembered I should probably go put them in now before I forget and get drunk and die in a ditch on my way home because I couldn’t find my kriffing tent.” Wolffe stares down at you, mouth slightly agape and you can see the wheels turning in his head. “Your… contacts.” “Uh-huh,” you confirm. “I didn’t know your eyes were cybernetically enhanced,” he tilts his head questioningly and you have to laugh.

My sappy thoughts while writing this:

Tbh this one just poured out of me without much thought at all. Sometimes I get a request and it feels like that person reached into my mind and tugged on a string I did not know existed up until that moment. This was one of them.

Because Wolffe is not particularly sweet or kind - he is polite, sure. But to go out of his way to help someone he vaguely knows? I could not imagine that. He helps people because it is his duty. So I knew I needed to set up some sort of situation where he would not randomly offer his help, I knew I had to write a scene where he was bothered by the fact that she had lost her contacts (or in this case, not put them in). And then the rest kind of just developed from there.

He can't stand feeling watched, as much as he likes to watch people, and he cannot stand feeling judged, as much as he likes to judge people. So, in his eyes, the mechanic doing both to him all day would have driven him up the fucking wall. And then walking in on this whole situation and not understanding what is going on developed a mind of its own. I don't think he would have been mad because someone made her cry (or so he thought), but specifically because he thought it was one of his men. And his men should know better, they should know to behave and treat the ones they work with with respect. And to think that it could have been one of his own actions that made her cry would be unbearable to him, especially if he did not even notice.

And then not knowing what contacts are, the situation is just all around weird. I don't like infantalising the clones, I don't like making them seem stupid, because they are never stupid. But I felt like contacts are such a strange and specific thing that it could totally happen that he just... had never seen anyone putting in contacts before. And since the next best thing he does know would be his own cybernetic eye, I felt like that would be a valid conclusion for him to jump to. I also just wanted a light little moment, something they could bond over so he would not seem quite so imposing and scary anymore, and I thought this was quite endearing and he seemed a bit more approachable.

Those were my thoughts basically, and now that I am finally getting around to answering these, I keep thinking: All those times people back in school complained about 'There is no way the author thought that much about this stupid book' - let me tell you. Yes, there is way. My brain while writing is FULL to the brim (or at least it is when I proofread and edit. Sometimes while writing, my mind is indeed completely empty).

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Gently tagging some Wolffe folk who enjoyed the fic: @megafrost4 @boomtowngirl @ulchabhangorm (who wrote a fucking LOVELY comment that I completely missed, tysm my love, that was a director's commentary all on its own) @corrabell @thefact0rygirl @fivesarctrooper @foxincoruscant @gotomarvelgal @book-of-baba-fett @cyarbika

[ratsoh-writes]

i'm kind and sweet, shy when you first meet me and quiet very quiet. I like puns and laugh easily at those or silly joke gags. Like goncho glasses and such. Though once you get me talking about my interests, i’ll become chatty like a parrot though will stop to try not to rant your ear off. If it's a topic i've talked before i will repeat myself so i'm a bit forgetful and can get up to do something and forget what it was i was going to do. I'm pretty affectionate when sleepy or in general if the person is down for it! I can get pretty shy and may hide behind people if it's a new face or something, that and i am not really outdoors kinda person more so indoors.

I love to bake! Along with gazing up at the stars if that counts as one, watching birds and animals cross by is a bit peaceful though i like to play video games. I can be found collecting rocks or simple things like leaves and store them away, re visiting those every so often. Mostly rocks is what i collect though the coppers and shine they have to them is really fun to reflect. Gardening as well! I don’t do it often like the others I have listed though enjoyed planting flowers to grow.

Mm, I don’t have uh pet peeves at all like theres not much i can think of for that catergoty.

I uh.....i guess value friends and family in life? that's a bit of tough question to in detail for i got pluto last time and i think i'll get him again xD idk who else would work with me lol

Mmm of course Pluto was my first choice, but you had a few other dudes as well who’d make good matches

The boy I’m matching you with is……

Sugar! (Underlust papyrus)!

The biggest quality that attracts him to you has got to be your sweetness. All sugar wants in a SO is someone who will treat him kindly, and let him spoil them in return.

Both you and sugar are a very chatty pair together. You two can hold two different conversations at once where you both talk at each other, but still somehow know what the other is saying

Sugar loves baking with you! He’s a bit of an amateur at it though, so you both better learn together! Baking dates are a favorite of his

He’s a flirt and loves to fluster you, so beware. That sappy smile may be innocent one moment, and sultry the next. It’s like rolling the dice lol