#I am sad to admit that my adhd gets the best of me too often | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

steponmepinkjun · 4 years ago

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I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

#felix-bi-anon #asksteppie

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transrightsjimin · 5 years ago

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im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

#rambles #i dont even feel like explainig any of this stuff more if it was unclear #bc trying to re-tell what ppl from bureaucracies told me and each nd every thing explained is so complex

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maki-and-sushi · 7 years ago

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DGR2 boys with a S/O who forgot to take their meds, and seeing them for the first time like that.

I do this sometimes, and I hate how people treat me. i also always have a soft spot for the DV2 boys... so I'm glad to serve you this meal! -mod Katie

Warnings: Language, probably. (fuyuhiko AND mod katie = swears) I also delved into some of the more negative aspects of living with things like ADD, ADHD (even though they aren't mentioned by name)

Nagito Komadea

Nagito is a little thrown, at first. he noticed a slight change, but he wasn’t going to say anything, he didn’t feel like it was his buisness. but after you explain to him what’s going on to him, he’s glad he can see you as you are naturally, without the drugs. You have to kind of remind him that you’re supposed to take the meds, that they help you! He understands and tells you he likes you as you are, meds or no.

nagito doesn't really see a difference, at first. but after an hour of two, when the meds have fully left your system? Ho, Boy.

you’re almost like a child, how you’re running this boy ragged all over the island, following your every impulse. (”Nagito! let’s go build sandcastles at the beach.....Nagito, lets go watch a movie!!! Nagito i’m huuuuungry!!”) You laugh a lot harder at teruteru’s bad jokes, and smile easier at sonia’s metaphors than usual, too.

he doesn't seem to mind too much, though. he hasn't seen you genuinely smile so care-free in a long time. And being able to get you to smile like that? It fills him with hope and joy!

at the end of the day you get quiet and tell him you’re glad he took care of you today. that it means so much to you that he would put up with you like this. you hugged him tight and apologized for being a pain. He assures you it’s no big deal! he’s glad you graced him with you're presence, and the fact that you trusted him to take care of you in a venerable state, means you trust him. and that means the world to him.

Hajime Hinata

Hajime is a little freaked out when he walks in for breakfast and you and teruteru were cooking and baking while dancing to music blaring from a radio.

at the best of times, you would talk to teruteru with common politeness. and at best, you weren’t one to want to do much in the morning. you preferred to lazily chat with people over some fruit for breakfast. And that was about it.

when hajime commented on the fact you seemed more energetic than usual, you just giggled and skipped over to him, and gave him a big hug!

“Hajime is so sweet for worrying! i just forgot to take my meds today, is all!”

He didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he instead asked if there was anything he could do to help you. you had explained to him before why you took medicine when he had noticed pill bottles around your cottage one day. hearing his question, you smiled and gave him a sweet smile.

“well, since you asked!~”

hajime didn’t like the look you were giving him, and rightly so. you spent the entire day just doing whatever you pleased, dragging him along with you. you were loud, and acting very childish. The worst thing about it was when hajime got annoyed, all you would do is giggle and not take him seriously!

Hajime was tired, his feet were sore, and he had a headache. you not taking his annoyance seriously didn’t help, either.

Noticing the look that had passed over Hajime’s face, you quieted down and curiously asked him what was wrong.

He knew he couldn't yell, because the way you were acting was just how you were, and he shouldn't blame you for being yourself. but hearing you so casually dismissing his annoyance,, and then asking what was wrong-!

he had had enough. with a firm ‘nothing. i’m tired. i’m going to lay down.’, hajime turned and left. he hadn’t made it 10 feet when you scrambled after him and tugged his shirt.

“hajime i’m sorry! what did i do? please forgive me!” you pleaded with him, as he kept walking to his cottage. the rest of the time it took to get to his cottage was filled with you pleading and whining about why he was leaving. He eventually just tuned it out. It wans’t untill he had made it to his cottage and he turned to tell you goodbye that he notice the quiet sobs and tears that had appered on your face.

“H-haji-me i’m-m sorry!” you cried, “i kniw t-that i’m annoying, a-and that i’m stupid and more t-troublt than i’m worth b-but-..... P-Pleas don’t leave! tell me why you’re mad at me! please, please, so i can make it better-!” and with that, you curled into yourself and dissolved into quiet sobs. All the previous annoyence and anger had left him in one swift punch to his gut, and was replaced with panic and sorrow for seeing you cry.

He pulled you to him in a tight hug and started trying to calm you. It occured to him that he probabaly looked like he was petting a distressed puppy, but at the moment he didn’t care.

its only when your crying had slowed and the hiccups had begun that he finnally noticed the judgmental stares of bystanders (kozuichi) and realized how bad this looked.

with a gentle hand he guided you into his cottage and sat you down on his couch. when you had finally calmed down enough, he quietly asked if you needed anything, like water or something. when you nodded he went to grab a water bottle and thought about what he was going to say .

when he came back, and you were quietly sipping on the water he began to calmly explain how brushing off his feelings had made him feel. you started to tear up and apologize again, and it occurred to hajime how small you looked then, how venurable you looked when you asked him to forgive you.

with a gentle smile, he told you that he could never hate you. he just asked that you be more considerate to his feelings next time. you hastily nodded.

you two spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling and napping in hajime’s cottage.

sure, you were a lot to handle when you were like this, but hajime found that you were worth every moment.

Byakuya Twogami

Byakuya was annoyed, at first. he was trying to keep an eye on everyone, and you were just running around, and causing havoc and discord among everyone.

when he finally manages to pull you aside and ask just what has gotten into of you, you tell him you just forgot your meds is all, no big deal!

he settles you with a firm stare and tells you to go take them. You resist because you don't want to take them! you're doing just fine without them! besides, he's your boyfriend! he should like you just the way you are, no meds needed!

you're being stubborn, you know you are, partially from boredom, but also partially because you were getting tired of people hating the real, unfiltered version of you. sure, everyone preferred the calm, mellow, quite you. everyone was constantly annoyed by the loud, bright happy you.

you resented those pills. even if they helped you focus and helped you study for school, they made you sad and quiet. so much so, that you had to take pills to make yourself feel better. you hated it. pills to make you focus, pills to make you happy. it kind of made you feel like you were, for lack of a more fitting word, broken.

And the more you argued with byakuya, the more upset you got. it was a petty argument, you knew, (and one you had done many times in the past) but it was one you were determined to win.

he told you that you were acting like a child. you smirked.

"well if you think so lowly of me for acting like a child, what does that say about you? someone who fell in love with this child?" you told him, smirking.

he paused "I don't look down on you. how could I look down on someone I care about?"

this confused you. "how do you not look down on me? you want me to take those pills because you hate the way I am now. because you hate the fact that deep down, I am a child at heart. and you, you're so serious, so mature. it makes sense you wouldn't want me to act like a child. it would ruin your reputation to date someone like me, right? I mean-" he cut you off with a stern glare. "I don't care weather or not you act like a fool or are a 'child at heart' as you put it. I merely called you a child because you will not listen to reason. I am not saying you should take your medication because I hate your true nature, but because those are medications to balance out your brain chemistry, given to you by a medical professional who believes that they will help you."

needless to say, byakuya was often your voice of reason in these scenarios. and he always eventually got you to surrender and take the medicine. (better late than never , you would always concede with a tired smile) usually after you had some time to reflect, you apologized for your behavior, and thanked him for being so good to you. (and byakuya would never admit it, but the hugs you gave him as thanks always made his day so much brighter.) he always assured you that it wasn't any sort of labor to him, and if it was, he would do it anyway. because what kind of boyfriend would he be if he couldn't look after you?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

His temper runs short on a good day, but on the days where you aren't your calm self to ground him? his temper is a loaded gun. needless to say you both have petty arguments over little things and usually end up storming off away from each other.(until one of you comes to their senses and apologizes)

peko is useually there to smack some sense into him when he won't man up and apologize, or to point out that you were at fault in the argument and guilt you into apologizing.

fuyuhiko and you always make up after though, neither of you belive in going to bed angry at the other, so even when you both are furious with each other, you always end phone conversations with 'stay safe' (or some variant of ' I love you' when you are in relative privacy) and will always tell the other goodnight. (everyone knows about this and thinks it's the cutest shit ever)

fuyuhiko thinks you should probably remember to take your meds, but after you tell them how they make you feel sometimes, he fully supports you when you take days off. (and tell any of your more sarcastic friends to go fuck themselves when they patronizingly ask if you've taken your meds today)

fuyuhiko is a loving and supportive boyfriend (even if he gets a little emotional sometimes) and he is firm in loving you , meds or not.

Gundham Tanaka

gundham first thinks you are possessed. he actually tries to put a spell on you to remove the demon before you get hurt. when you notice him weirdly chanting while intensely staring at you, you come over to ask him what's up.

"I am attempting to remove the foul entity possessing you, my dark companion."

you laugh and tell him that you aren't possessed, that you just ran out of meds and forgot to pick up more from usami yesterday. he looks a little relived (and also a little disappointed?) and carries on like normal by demanding you tell him your evil plot for the day. you tell him you were just going to hang out with ibuki as she's usually the only one who can keep up with you when you get this way.

Gundham, however, takes this as both personal insult, and challenge.

"only -.... My dark love! do you doubt the power I posses? no? then why do you not think I can ' keep up'?!" gundham demands. When you explain to him that you can get a little rowdy and energetic and annoying he merely scoffs and demands you cancel your plans so he can 'steal you away and show you his true power'. you think it's sweet he wants to spend the day with you, and accept.

you and gundham spend the whole day running around and doing things. you went to the rocket mart and built a little playground lair for the four dark devas, you helped him gather some books on ancient summoning rituals, you re-enacted his battles with him, you both had lunch at the diner and then went to the beach....

you had so much fun! at the end of the day, you kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for being with you. he quietly assured you that it was no problem, and that you should always come to him if you needed a distraction, or needed to have a demon slain. you laughed and told him you would remember that.

Kazuici Soda

the first thing kazuichi noticed is how touchy-feely you were. you were constanlt hugging him and asking for piggy back rides. you and him were both normally touchy people, but this was a little much.... but who was he to complain if they wanted to hug him? he loved hugs, and he loved them!

the second thing he notices is how easily you're laughing at his jokes. he's telling some pretty crappy ones, and even though you usually gave a pity laugh, you seemed to actually chuckle at these. when you started laughing at everyone's jokes, however, he was getting a little irked.

it wasn't till you suddenly paused in the middle of your conversation with him and quietly said to yourself "I forgot to take my meds." that he realized what was up. he stood up and grabbed your hand.

he walked you back to your cottage, chatting along the way with you. he knew you proffered you didn't miss a day of your meds because sometimes you could get headaches and get snappish during the withdrawals.

after your meds are taken care of, he invites you to his cottage to watch a movie with him while he tinkers with stuff. he makes sure you remember to eat throughout the day, and asks if you want stuff whenever he goes out for something. you fall asleep watching a movie together, and the next morning kazuichi makes the trip to your cottage for your meds so you don't forget to take them again.

Nekomaru Nidi

You actually don't usually forget to take your meds with him around. he either(unintentionally) wakes you up on his way out for a morning jog, and leaves the pills on the nightstand, or makes breakfast and has your meds sitting on the counter. He can't help it! he's a manager! he just wants to make sure you have everything you need to be sucsessful!

on the off day where you do forget to take them when he goes out for his morning jog, the night before hand you had been up until 3 playing games, and completely bypassed the meds on the nightstand in a search for coffee. when he got back from his jog and discovered that you had torn apart his cottage looking for your book (it was on the counter) and you had misplaced your reading glasses (they were on your head) , he asked if anything was wrong.

you looked at him, annoyed. you also wouldn't stop fidgeting, tapping your foot or running your hands through your hair. "I don't know what's going on today! I'm just so forgetful! first I left the faucet on, then I forgot where I put my pen, then I couldn't find my book, but as soon as I found it, I lost my glasses! gosh, it's times like these where I really don't see a difference in my meds- ... Oh my god I forgot my fucking meds." he let out a hearty laugh and told you that your glasses were on your head. when you reached up and found them, you kissed him on the cheek

"thanks hon! I'll clean up my mess after I go take my pills." as you left the room, nekomaru looked after you fondly. you were a force of nature, that was for sure.

Teruteru Hanamura

teruteru loves when you forget to take your meds, and can always tell when you don't. your meds tend to curb your appetite, so you usually only snack throughout the day until dinner. being the ultimate chef, you declining his offers for meals and food always stings a little. but he gets it. his mama, after she got sick, had to take pills that sometimes curbed her appetite too. so he always made sure to have a few snacks prepped in the kitchen whenever he could coerce you to eat.

when you weren't on your meds, however, it was like a holiday for teruteru. you were always hungry and eating whatever he cooked! you supposed that it was your body's way of trying to catch up on all the food you miss when your on your medicine. so whenever you ask him what's for lunch (you usually managed to squeeze in something light for breakfast before pills kicked in) his face just lights up, and he gets right to work making something tasty and original for his babe!

sometimes he packs picnics for the beaches, sometimes he makes buffets so you can try a little of everything! and since you don't like to take your meds in the afternoon, he can even get you to eat dessert with him after dinner!

you eating the food he prepares makes him so happy! and because you seem to love it so much, it makes him so prideful!

even if you run him ragged when you don't take your meds, teruteru loves having you around, and he loves taking care of you in his own way.

#super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa 2 #mod katie

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sanderssides-fics · 8 years ago

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A special haven chapter 2

Chapter 1: https://sanderssides-fics.tumblr.com/post/161948293942/a-special-haven-chapter-1

Tw: hospital, ADHD interpretation, multiple issues.

Tags: @analogically-prinxiety @the-prince-and-the-emo @princeyandanxiety @softlogic @polysandershell _____2______

Anxiety spent a little while in his room still, just looking around. Posters coated the walls and there was another of Logan’s ties on a hook near the door, the magenta one Anxiety had once complimented Logan on.

The tie he had with him last night was wrapped around his wrist like it was a bracelet. Anxiety finally decided to leave his room when the door opened, it closed behind a tall man with dirty blonde quiffed hair and a suit on. “Ah hello Anxiety, I am Mr.Donnovan the caretaker of this home. I have to go to the hospital to retrieve everyone’s daily medicine, do you need anything?” Mr donnovan had a strong southern U.S. accent. Anxiety shook his head No, not ready to open up to him, what he wanted was pain medicine and Logan. “Not even your nurse?” Mr. Donnovan questioned, Anxiety looked at the tie and then held up his wrist, pointed at the tie and nodded. “Okay hun, I’ll be back in half am hour. Maybe you should socialize”.

Anxiety didn’t leave the room for 5 minutes after that. When he did, he wish he hadn’t. The walls were a bright yellow, the carpet an unnatural grey, the lighting was flickering in one spot, and the noise… God, the noise. It wasn’t that it was annoying… it was that it was loud and a lot of layering. Children laughter, Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, a TV somewhere, the hospital ambulances, teen grumbles, a single scream of ‘shut up!’.

Anxiety went downstairs where instantly he had that 10 year old kid again near him. “Come on! You need food! Why are you here? Did you do something bad? Are you bisexual? Are you agender?” He then gasps in his little question spree as he sits Anxiety down at the breakfast bar and gets him orange juice “O M G are you gender fluid?” They asked.

“I’m not any of those” Anxiety spoke slower and quieter than the kid.

“Oh okay! That’s cool! Do you like the juice? Vander made it at 3 this morning!” The kid beamed “I’m Elliot! I have ADHD, I get tired a lot and distracted. It’s a really weird case because I’m not like other kids but I’m not exactly different yknow? My parents are in huggy shirts, they laugh a lot. I think the huggy shirts and pillow rooms make then happier than I do” Elliot got sad for a moment “Oh well!” He beamed right back up “if live with my uncle who owns this place! They thought it would be easier if I lived here, better eyes on me to make sure I don’t fix things all the time.”

Anxiety helped Elliot take a breath to calm down just as a girl entered the room. “Fresh meat” she mumbled, her ginger hair up in two pigtails held up by ribbons and curled at the ends. She smacked gum and fixed her overall jorts. The white shirt she wore read 'Basic’ in big black cursive letters and it couldn’t have been more right.

“That’s Ash, you won’t see her around much. She’s released tonight, she finally got rid of her illness and gets to go home. Her mom is a buisness woman by the name of Anne, her dad is a congressman named Steve, she has a baby brother who would 3 years old in a week his name is Allen.” Elliot explained to Anxiety, whom just nodded.

“You don’t need to reveal everyone’s life story dweeb” Ash growled flicking Elliot in the temple. Elliot whimpered after Ash left with a bowl of dry cereal. Anxiety patted Elliot’s head gently, a little Unnatural since he hadn’t done that before. Elliot smiled and noticed Anxiety had finished his orange juice.

“My uncle says your name is secret, you get called Anxiety though because you have bad Anxiety. He said for me not to jumpscare you so you don’t get scared ” Elliot laughed gently. Anxiety smiled a little, Elliot showed Anxiety the rest of the house. The bathrooms and the bedrooms they were allowed in.

“The twins are very cuddly, I warn you” Elliot said as he opened the door slightly and instantly there was two kid on Anxiety’s legs. They rubbed their pudgy 3 year old cheeks on Anxiety’s legs and acted like cats. “Dr.Alice found them on the street with a posse of cats. They’ve acted like this ever since. ” Elliot said. Anxiety knew exactly who these girls were. Dr.Alice told Anxiety about Kit & Kat.

The kids let go of Anxiety when an older teen came out of his room, they hooked on to him as well and the guy laughed and went back in his room without a notice to Anxiety or Elliot.

“That’s Kyle, he only associates with the care takers and the twins. He’s here because he has nowhere else.” That was almost the last time Anxiety saw Kyle.

The door downstairs opened and Mr.Donnovan entered. “Uncle Donny!” Elliot exclaimed and slid down the railing and right into his uncles arms. Anxiety retreated into his room, weird, he felt no way about calling this room his own. He didn’t think he’d mind it here after all. Though he had no idea who this 'Vander’ person was.

There was a knock on the door before Anxiety looked up from his spot in the middle of the floor. Logan closed the door behind him and Anxiety smiled gently at the Nurse. Logan was glad that the only thing disturbed in the room was the sheets. “Hey” Anxiety spoke gently.

“Salutations” Logan said and Anxiety giggled making Logan smile and sit across from him “How do you find the place? How do you feel”

“Its okay, Elliot showed me around… I’m in some pain and Anxiety levels” Anxiety mumbled the last part, Logan moved closer to Anxiety and noticed the tie around Anxiety’s wrist.

“So you have left the room, that’s good. You went with a hyper boy as well. I see you found the tie, I thought it might help you calm down… you know, about being forced into this place even though you said no.” Logan looked down a little ashamed but still he knew this was best for his anxious patient. He gave Anxiety some pain medicine he had in his white coat pocket.

“Its okay, I can see where you came from on the whole safe view this place is definitely better than with my brother” Anxiety said and Logan nodded in agreement. Anxiety hugged Logan gently to seal his opinion on Logan so that Logan wouldn’t worry as much.

Five minutes of talking about Anxiety’s opinions of the other tenants later and they both were leant against a wall, Anxiety more leaned on Logan’s shoulder though. Logan was Anxiety’s comfort.

“Dr.Alice told me about Ivory, that other nurse, I’m really sorry about her. I don’t know why she did that” Logan said casually.

“Dr.Alice said it’s because you and her dated and you broke up with her because of a… complication” Anxiety said, his head half in Logan’s neck and half on Logan’s shoulder but he still saw the deep blush on Logan’s cheeks.

“Yeah, I realized I didn’t really like her. She wasn’t nice anyways” Logan admitted

“I figured” Anxiety smiled gently, Logan’s watch beeped “Do you have to leave?”

“Yeah, it’s lunch time for you. I’ll come back tonight before my shift is over to check up on you okay?” Logan said as he got up and helped Anxiety up. Anxiety nodded and lead Logan to the door before saying goodbye. Anxiety didn’t like Logan leaving, he didn’t really feel safe anymore.

“Anxiety!” Elliot smiled and took Anxiety’s hand dragging him to a dining room. “Its lunch time! Uncle Donny let me help with it. We are having macaroni, grilled cheese, and salad!” Elliot was very hyper and kept talking; some how Elliot managed to switch the topic from lunch to roller coasters to the Vander person again.

Elliot made Anxiety sit next to him as Ash and Mr.Donnovan served the food. Most of the kids dove into their food savagely but still neatly. Kyle had came down with Kit & Kat and he was helping feed them their food so they didn’t make a huge mess. Anxiety just nibbled on his food. A peace of lettuce or a corner of bread found their way to his mouth every so often. He was used to Roman taking his food, it would be half way to his mouth and Roman would steal it and eat it then laugh. He was used to one small meal a week from the breakfast club at school.

Elliot kept everyone entertained with stories he heard from 'Isaac’ but most people referred to him as Imaj. Imaj was sitting in the living room, he ate his food there while next to the small terrarium for a gecko or something. Anxiety got up when everyone was distracted and entered the living room. Imaj looked up instantly, he smiled gently.

“You’re the new one, you came in last night. I like your scars” Imaj referenced Anxiety’s wrist, Anxiety hid his wrist against his chest.

“How did you know about those?” Anxiety asked nervously.

Imaj just smiled “I’m Imaj, I am 8 years old and my parents are dead” He said without hesitation, without the smile leaving his face either.

“I’m Anxiety, I’m 16, and my dad is dead. I never knew my mom.” Anxiety said quietly as he sat next to Imaj.

“This is Quiche, he’s 5 months” Imaj held up a small gecko, it was no bigger than the brunettes middle finger. Anxiety smiled at the reptilian creature.

“He’s adorable” Anxiety smiled, he pets the gecko gently.

“Donny says he’s like me. Adorable and all knowing.” Imaj made a mystical face making Anxiety laugh gently. They talked about Quiche and about their time here until lunch was over for everyone else. Then the living room flooded with TV hogs, it got too loud for Anxiety so he covered his ears and speed walked to his room, when he spun around to close his door he noticed Imaj had followed him.

“Can I come in, please?” The day-dreamy eight year old asked.

“Sure” Anxiety found it weird he felt more comfortable with the 8 and 10 year Olds than with people his own age. Then again, people his own age liked to hurt him outside of here.

#roman sanders #logan sanders #anxiety sanders #sanderssides #thomas sanders

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miharunakashima · 8 years ago

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I found this ask game on @adhdcomorbid‘s blog, thought it was very interesting and decided to answer it!

1. Are you a fast talking hyperactive or a pacing hyperactive? for as long as I can remember ive always had problems with speaking smoothly or quickly; quite the opposite. So id say im a pacing hyperactive.

2. Are you a doodling daydreamer or a window gazing daydreamer? it mostly depends if im alone or with other people because if im alone i tend to gaze and daydream a lot, mostly while listening to music (i cant stand it when theres too much silence), but if im with other people and i have the possibility to doodle ill do it.

3. Do you like hand stims, foot stims, or mouth stims the most? my number one way of stimming is to jiggle my leg, often to the point my muscles are sore and im unable to stop (the first time it happened i kinda freaked out) but when hyperactivity kiks in i often find myself in need of using my hands, and i always end up playing with the first thing i can lay my hands on without even noticing, so id say hand stims. (i also like to chew on things, mostly my gf’s fingers).

4. Are you a planner person or a phone reminder person? i try my best to plan things (even tho i often need other people to do the planning, expecially when my brain decides that doing more then two tasks is “overwhelming” and “impossible to organize”) but i still have to get better at it, so im totally a phone reminder person.

5. Do you hyperfocus on productive things or irrelevant things? oh boi if i wish i could hyperfocus on productie things... it happened a couple of times with writing but always when i couldnt do it or i shoulndt because i had other things to do. I always hyperfocus on the most stupid and irrelevant things ever--

6. Are you a multitasking ADHDer or an overhwhelmed ADHDer? i swear to the gods, cannot multitask to save my life. and as i sad above, sometimes my brain sees a list of more than two thigs to do, gets overwhelmed and blanks. error 404, brain.exe not found.

7. 504 or IEP? i have no idea what these means, i’m sorry ;__;

8. Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed? when i was in elementary school i went to a child psychiatrist and she told my mom that i showed signs that could mean i have adhd, but since i was seeing her for other reasons she didnt went deeper and never actually diagnosed me. later on, roughly at 22/23, i started to connect the dots and the more i read about adhd/the experience of other people with adhd, the more i see myself and recognize things i do or experience.

9. Are you a 5000 tabs person or blank tab trying to remember why person? its a huge pet peeve of mine when there are too many tabs open, and the order of the ones i have opened is pretty strict, but i do forget what i was going to look up or the general reason i opened another tab.

10. Are you a self-hate when rejected or extreme rage when rejected kind of person? such a self-hater that’s not even funny.

11. Are your family do yoga people, eat clean people, or put down the phone people? im not sure i understand the question, but both my parent dont want me to look at my phone while im eating (my father doesnt even like to have tv on during meals) so defenetly a “put down the phone” kind of people.

12. Which were you called the most in school: lazy or irresponsible? OH BOI. i heard the sentence “has potential but doesnt apply it” so much that when i was 14 it actually lost its meaning.

13. High stim or Low stim seeker? unfortunately i dont know the defference beetween high and low stims, also because i started to look things up very recently, but im very sensitive to everything thats too loud, to crowed places and everything thats “a lot”? if anyone can give me the definitions of high and low stims id be very happy!

14. Comorbid conditions? I have anxiety and depression (i mean, these are the things i know about, since i dont have the economical means to afford a more in-depth analisy).

15. Which have you been told more often: meds are cheating or meds are street drugs? i have never took medications for any of my mental issues (meh) but i know for a fact my father is very against any of these meds because he thinks that they are “useless” and that “only make companies richer”.

16. Not social to mask symptoms or overcompensating to mask symptoms? i try my best to avoid social situations, but whenever i cant i try to prepare myself the best i can (by knowing how many people there will be, what will i need to do, ecc) and im lucky enough that my firends understand this. i dont know if i overcompensate, tho; i find it difficult to answer this question.

17. Reading hyperfocus or reading impossible? R E A D I N G H Y P E R F O C U S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it happened more than id like to admit that i was so focused with what i was reading that i forgot to eat or even to go to the bathroom. (with things i had to read for school, tho, i had problem starting. but i remember sometimes reading chapters i didnt had to read because they were interesting)

18. Do you parents believe it exists? my mother isnt very well informed on mental health while my father may be more cultured but i have no idea what his opinion may be.

19. Diagnosed late or early? for a numer of reasons ive never been properly diagnosed, but the first time a psychiatrist noticed something i was 6/7 years old, but i self-diagnosed around 23/24.

20. Ever wonder how much of you is your personality and how much is ADHD? as a general way of thinking, i believe that every person is the combination of a number of things. adhd is a part of me, one way i have of explaining a part of myself. It can be a “big” part or not, but its not the whole thing. I am many things, there are many aspects of my personality, and each one of them is essencial to create that something that is “me”. I wouldnt be the way i am now without adhd and i defenetly wouldnt see the world the way i do.

#text #long post #miharu.txt #mental health #sorry for the tag!!

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