#I am now 28

[robbybirdy]

Gonna be slowly working on my blog for the next few days. The last week has been emotional. It started with my birbie, Smokie (a 20+ year old cockatiel) not feeling well. He wasn't eating ( I made sure though he was hydrated), he was mouth breathing (which is kinda scary for a birb) and just really sleepy. and he didn't want to stay in his cage. but that was a few days ago and things have been getting better in regards to his health. He is eating and drinking, he is trying to perch again. He is slowly moving around in his cage again. But still sleeping in his favorite spot on the back of the couch. And I have been getting on and off again sleep. I am feeling like I want to write for the first time in about a week.

[monkifuraibo]

Birf

[toomanyfandomsshreya]

also as a 22yr old who has been on tumblr basically daily for the last six years or so

i’m thinking it’s time to start weaning myself off of this goddamn shitstorm of a website

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[hobbitinthetardis]

Rebels 1x01: Spark of Rebellion Part 1 Ahsoka 1x06: Far, Far Away

[hyakunana]

Late night art feat the most miserable man that ever stepped in DGP

[kittykatninja321]

Even better than the dead loved one Comes Back Wrong trope is the “there is something in the shape of your dead loved one and it is not your beloved and it trying to tempt you and you must resist it at all costs” trope

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?

[eight-pointed-star]

tolkien would argue that the plural of terf is terves

[mirakurutaimu]

How does it feel being the only entertaining Helldivers 2 streamer?

im gonna get some grocery store deli chicken tenders for my birthday

[lacquerheadd]

guess who’s obsessed with a new podcast!!

[howlsnteeth]

it's my birthday yippee ! i almost broke/have severely sprained my ankle ._.

[monimolimnion]

guess what

it's that time again

[clione16]

"chilchuck is that one 'she is 10000-year-old dragon' trope but he is guy so no one ever think it is weird" "people who thirst over him is a pedo" Do. You. Even. Read. The. Manga.

[yangjeongin]

[jounosparticles]

need jouno and tecchou age reveal Please