#I am nothing. I'm literally insane.
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You're supposed to ask for help. If you don't ask for help you're never going to get help and you will be condemned for being useless and taking no actions to help yourself. If you ask for help. no one is going to help you. you are not allowed to wish that anyone help you or expect anyone to help you or you are a selfish piece of shit. you are not allowed to wish things were better. You're not allowed to ask for help actually because you are selfish and you didn't think about how others might feel being put in the vulnerable and intimate position of being asked for help. your friends did not consent to being asked for help or explained why you've been having problems and you should have thought about the way they felt before you forced them to read your texts asking them for help. I'm not even joking I should just kill myself because there is actually genuinely no such thing as getting better or getting help or being a good friend ?
#I swear to god I could text you assholes 'i just got stabbed can you please call an ambulance' and you would reply three days later ':/'#you fucking cunts. what is wrong with you#Didn't anyone ever teach your stupid ass how to be a good fucking friend#Stupid stupid stupid stupid#'you can't expect everyone to just drop everything and help you :/'#Look at me. look in my fucking eyes. what is wrong with you#I'm so upset I'm so desperate for any amount of anything please help me what's wrong with me#Why was I specifically built to crave what is apparently not even a thing ?? People aren't friends anymore ?? Like societally ????????#'It's so hard to wake up in the morning I wish someone could knock on my door to wake me up for finals so I don't miss them :('#'awww you want them to bring you food and do your test for you and drive you there and change your diaper too?'#i want to take a long swim in acid. why live. what is the fucking point.#I am nothing. I'm literally insane.#I think I actually genuinely have schizophrenia and none of this is real I've been engaging the delusions a lot because I have no one else#Have I for my entire life just invented friendships that didn't exist. are any of you real. am I even alive.#I'm so angry I just want to be talked to#At the bare minimum. you don't have to love me or like me or help me or care but just talk to me#I'm so angry I feel like a cuckoo chick. born a huge monster who takes and hurts and kills before it can even open its eyes#it didn't know it's a monster it just acts based on instincts.#it was not supposed to be here and it killed the innocent and actual good children in cold blood.#that's what my twin brother was in the womb. i killed him. i was a mistake and a disease and he wasn't strong enough to stop me.
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Oh, Lala...
#atla#avatar the last airbender#atla fanart#atla art#atla azula#princess azula#atla ursa#suki#atla suki#kyoshi warriors au#kyoshi warriors#Kyoshi Warrior Ursa AU#wip#I felt like sharing a little snippet of a two-page comic I've been working on for AGES#Literally you have no idea for how long this has been sitting on my drafts#Mainly because I keep getting sidetracked by new AUs and sketches and projects. But that's nothing new so#This one is a deep-ish dive into the basic character dynamics between the Fire Siblings as well as Ursa and Suki#Or should I say#Between the siblings Ruolan and Jian Li regarding their mother Noriko and each other.#I know the names can get rather confusing. I'd love to explain the reasoning behind them if anyone would like to know tho#Moving on#There's a lot to unpack in that scene#The characters are different from how we know them due to their circumstances in this AU. But they have things in common with the og series#Of course that remains for you to see#I'm so excited to finish this and share it with you guys!#Some of you have been asking about Azula/Ruolan and Ursa/Noriko in this AU and I am here to deliver#I love the dynamic between this little family SO much it's driving me insane#That being said#What do you get from this panel alone? What do you think it's happening?#I'd love to hear your thoughts on this
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snake in the garden
#yakuza#yakuza 7#yakuza 8#like a dragon#like a dragon infinite wealth#lad infinite wealth#yakuza like a dragon#ryu ga gotoku#. blend#jo sawashiro#sawashiro jo#ebina masataka#masataka ebina#ebisawa#i am going insane!!!!!#I have like.#4 versions of this#I'm so :DDDDD#GRGRGRGRGRHHGEGRHG#infinite wealth spoilers#tw blood#i know its literally comeuppance but ohhhhh my goddddd#he did nothing wrongggg (hes commited atrocities)
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King feeling so overwhelmed by his love for Uea that he has to clutch his comforter to his chest and curl into a ball is really doing something to me.
That sniff kiss did him in, huh.
#that lip bite#i am deceased#i'm a little insane about them#literally nothing happens this episode besides advertising and sex and i don't care#well—flirting and cuddling too#king my king#bed friend ep 10#bed friend#bed friend the series#gillianthecat liveblogs bl#pinned post#net siraphop#pictures of beautiful men
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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professors who don't grade my shit in any semblance of a timely matter are the bane of my existence
#as if i didn't hate this writing class enough#the prof hasn't graded anything submitted since week 1#like. literally nothing.#i am rawdogging every assignment because i do not know what she even wants from me#because there's no feedback to work off of#i'm going insane#i can't handle this#personal#vent
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willow have u ever seen the movie ‘13 going on 30?’ bc i just rewatched it last night and it gave me nerd bakugou brainrot 😩😩
like he’s your neighbor and he’s in love with you but you’re just…. your head is in the clouds and you can’t see what’s right in front of you 🥺 and something brings you crashing down, and you wish yourself into an alternate future, where all the hard, embarrassing teenage years are far behind you and you got everything you thought you wanted.
but— in those skipped-over years, you’d left katsuki behind 🥺 traded movie nights and dnd campaigns with him for parties with the in crowd. it’s funny— the more people see you,, the less you he sees. he barely recognizes you, but it doesn’t stop him from watching from afar. catching glimpses of you through the windows still makes his heart race; watching you get picked up for a date by the goddamn golden boy makes it ache.
going to college is a relief. he’s almost managed to forget about you (except for the occasional comment from his mother that sting less and less as the years pass) until you show up at his doorstep, confused and panicked and calling him by the kiddie nickname he hasn’t heard since you stopped speaking in seventh grade. he has half the mind to take you to the hospital, get you checked for a concussion or retrograde amnesia.
meanwhile… you’re realizing all the things you’ve been longing for aren’t right for you. and chasing after them will condemn you to a life of being lonely and disingenuous. you don’t need to be liked by everyone—you need to be loved by one person. now you just have to find a way to fix it 🥺🥺
🥺🥺🥺
#literally NOTHING add to this because i'm so obsessed with it alfjahgahga#as usual JORDAN YOU ARE MY MUSE#i'm SICK in the head over this#nerd bakugou STOOOPPPP#especially if he's engaged to someone else#i'm actually crying real literal tears right now jordan i'm going insane#you spend the week together and something silly probably happens like he loses all his contacts and has to wear his glasses again#and suddenly you two are just how you always were — just in a different time#a wrong time#literally jordan i am digging my own grave how could you do this to me WAAAAAHHHH#why are you always such a genius#✿ ask willow#✿ recs
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i fucking hate paradox live
#MAYBE KEI IS RIGHT#paradox live#LIKE I UNDERSTAND WHY MY OC USES THE PHANTOMETAL AND I UNDERSTAND WHY IT'S A NECESSITY FOR KEI AND 1NM8S TO USE IT#BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WTF EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING OR WHY#I FEEL SO INSANE WHY ON EARTH IS USING THE PHANTOMETAL WORTH IT#when allen's gets stolen HE LITERALLY SAYS “oh it's about the music not the visuals even if we dont have it the music will speak for itself#AND THEN HAJUN ALMOST DIES AND THEY CONTINUE USING IT ANYWAYS???????#DUDE#anyways i'm sorry for paralive posting so much i'll shut up soon#NOTHING THE PHANTOMETAL DOES CANNOT BE ACHIEVED ALSO BY CGI OR LIKE GOOD LIGHTING#PYROTECHNICS EVEN#I'M SORRY I DON'T THINK YOU NEED A FUCKING MERRY GO ROUND DURING YOUR PERFORMANCE#AKYR YOU DON'T NEED A TIGER ON STAGE#FUCK#THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT THE MORE UPSET I AM#SHIKI'S ILLUSION IS LITERALLY LIKE CREEPY FOG. YOU CAN JUST USE A FOG MACHINE.#pl
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that's all that you are.
#art#illustration#artists on tumblr#fall out boy#youngblood chronicles#young blood chronicles#ybctrick#patrick stump#fob#hey so drawing this literally broke my tablet#i'm not even joking#i looked away for two seconds and my screen broke#nothing even happened#but i didn't wanna lose this#so i drew this with a broken screen#idk how to explain it was like my screen has duplicated and moved up a bit#annoying as fuck#but i did it#for ybctrick#i love you ybctrick#I'M SO INSANE ABOUT HIM#he has me kicking my feet but not in a i have a crush on him way#i do tho#but in a way full of rage i literally am going insane#i accidentally punched my wall earlier#there's some tiny details here only i would get#please appreciate#i actually cried over this#i love ybctrick
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my wrist being messed up when i really wanted to use some of my spring break time to draw a series of byler drawings is really fucked up and homophobic (it was acswy related).
#this is what happens when you don't take breaks on a hyperfixation drawing craze i'm going to ghhdshDSFHKJS#thank you thea wiseatom for your service im so unbelievably peeved that i can't draw some of those beautifully crafted acswy scenes#like what am i supposed to do with my hands now? NOTHING??#literally going insane not being able to draw#not art
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Wait I think I missed something in this incredible saga. Are you going on a date with the coworker??? I swear the last thing I saw was “no I would never” lmaoooo. If so, I (like the rest of snzblr) are anxious for updates about your love life. You’re one of the top snzblr couples now, enjoy 🤙
I did say I would never and I was a fucking liar apparently 😔 it's not technically a date tho bc I never told him it was bc I need to be so casual and mysterious ahdkaksk but it's a date To Me lmao. It's tomorrow tho bc we're still at work rn and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon so at least I have that to look forward to I guess lmao
#not snz#we're not a couple tho nooooo 😭😭 lmaooo#it's just me being delusional#like he's literally not into me i stg i think y'all are gonna be more disappointed about the outcome than me#OH but he did hug me tho so I'm riding that high rn actually ahskamsk#lowkey have just been leaning against him half the shift but we've been watching videos and stuff together bc it's been slow so#that means nothing probably#also he looks at me like 😒 every time i ask one if my stupid little debate questions ahsakslsl#today was if ceral is a soup and if ketchup is a smoothie#please know that i ask these randomly literally out of nowhere like it's a normal thing to bring up lmaoooo#i have negative flirting skills ahdkaksk#this is the opposite of pulling a bad bitch by being autistic this is making the coworker question why he puts up with me lmaoooo#but he's the one who said yes to dinner so 😌#you know what he's never seen me in a cute little outfit before actually 👀#it's always been either the work uniform or hiking clothes#which to be fair my hiking clothes are kinda cute but they're hiking clothes nonetheless#like he saw me in normal clothes a bit ago but i was actively dying so they were just the most comfortable clothes i could find#so like maybe i can wear a skirt i have cute skirts i like wearing out with my bestie#and they're like. very specific kinds of skirts so maybe that'll tell him something ahskasmks#help why am i thinking so hard about this ahdkalslal#like it's literally actually not even a date it's just me flipping out for no reason while this guy is clueless 😭#like I'm telling y'all he's not into me and i don't understand why I'm being like this about it lmaoo#I'm always like 'fuck i wish my coworkers wouldn't crush on me to the point of asking me out that's awkward i don't date coworkers'#AND THEN I TURNED AROUND AND DID IT MYSELF#why am i like this#why am i so 👀 when he's one of the few people i shouldn't be 👀 at#i swear i should give it a couple months bc maybe I'm just feeling some type of way about him bc i was sick#but noooo i just HAVE to be insane about it now 😭#i should really have a tag for me being a pathetic wreck but idk what it would even be lmao#partner posting
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🧍♀️
#so one of the s.vt concerts for follow again is gonna be on their anniversary#and they're not gonna be in kr and soooooooo many people are upset about it#like kcarats are Mad mad about it#and i'm like. maybe i Am the asshole because i keep thinking is it really such a big issue#i thought maybe caratland was around those dates but it has always been on march#like i don't remember them actually doing something for the anniversary besides special videos#and lives. i'm still looking for stuff because i know that since 2020 things have been different#i get being upset and wishing it was in kr instead but someone literally wrote#''now that your dreams have come true. are we not longer in them"#and i'm like ?????????? because svt keeps doing sooo many things in kr like am i insane#am i really that much of a dick LMFAO because it's not like they're getting nothing also#idk man i'm just kinda baffled at this situation#i would understand it more if they did something special every year for their anniversary in kr#and suddenly they were like actually? we're changing it up#but they never have so that's why i'm very 🧍♀️#and everyone is complaining about jp having so many concerts. like yeah man it makes sense#they sell them out every single time of course the company is going to milk that#td#most likely LMFAO#also feel free to call me out i truly wanna have a conversation about it
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I'm so tired of every single video on my youtube homepage being something I put on my "watch later" list like 4 years ago. When I have the energy I need to do a screen recording to show you guys how fucking bad it is.
#text post#I use the homepage to recommend new videos and creators to me#So you can imagine I am really fucking pissed that it's showing me shit I have already seen#and literally NOTHING else#I hate it so fucking much#and there is NO plugin or extension or setting to stop youtube from doing this#I feel like I'm going insane
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Every day I wake up and my close friend and adventuring party member who I’ve been flirting with for years who also recently set off the trap that accidentally killed me while attempting to retrieve a magical suit of armour from the tomb of the goddess of death hasn’t told me in a quiet moment together that he’s known a lot of people with money and they are definitely not worth me, nor has my close friend and adventuring party member who I’ve been flirting with for years who has also recently covered for me while facing the necromantic murderers of my family at a formal dinner stood in front of my weapon while I was possessed by a demon, ready to attack her and all our friends, touched me gently on the face and told me to take of the mask before calling out my full name and telling me to fight the monster inside of me and by doing so successfully pulled me back from the brink. also, not so coincidentally, in both cases this “close friend” is my heart and judgement and the future I have chosen. I mean like why do I even try anymore
#to be clear if there is any confusion yes i am talking about both of them#this is literally just a perc'ahlia propaganda post#didn't you hear? they literally invented romance#romeo and julliet have got fucking NOTHING on percy and vex#my standards are literally so high at this point its insane#if it doesn't take 70+ 3 hour long episodes for them to first kiss each other then what's the fucking point#i was in the shower this morning and just fully recited the entire ''ive known a lot of poeple with money'' speech forwards and backwards#and then the ''she is my heart and my judgement'' speech#and then ''i should have told you; its yours''#the point is i'm having a slight bit of perc'ahlia brainrot#actual literall brainrot that is consuming every waking moment#this fully married couple with 5 kids is in such a slowburn portion of their relationship i feel like i may start breaking shit#good lord i love them so much#anyways. going to watch the perc'ahlia supercut again. brb#relentlessly posting perc'ahlia#critical role#cr1#vox machina#tlovm#lovm#the legend of vox machina#legend of vox machina#tlovm spoilers#cr1 spoilers#critical role spoilers#tlovm s2#percy de rolo#vex'ahlia#perc'ahlia#andi's thought geyser
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its so fun :)) and awesome :)) that i cannot fucking make my brain focus on my homework :))) holy shit im gonna kill someone :)) why can't my brain just work for five fucking minutes :)) this is easy homework too I just can't concentrate on it at all :)) and it's due tomorrow morning :)))
#yes I AM bitching about physics again#having a hyperfixation is stupid and awful and fucking sucks#Jesus Christ stop thinking about toh for FIVE MINUTES#and physics is like. I struggle with it. I'm slow#I need all of my brainpower to focus and problem solve but I genuinely!! Cannot!! Focus!!!#It's so insane. All comprehension skills go out the window#if I fail this class then I'm genuinely fucked like. I can't even begin to describe how screwed I am if I fail this class#Or even if I pass this class but barely understand it#and it goes so fast and i don't have anyone I can go to for help#with calc 2 I was going to the tutoring center every week!!!#but I can't do that!!! And I don't know anyone who knows physics#and it's not like I have friends in the class :))) because I'm so socially stunted it's embarrassing :))))#Jesus fucking Christ I can't function like a normal person#my brain has just been completely rotted from two years of doing nothing but bullshit art projects and now I've lost all critical thinking#im just frustrated because this isn't even the difficult part#SHE LITERALLY TOLD US WHAY TO DO IN CLASS#I JUST FUCKINH. CANNOT. FOCUS OR EVEN COMPREGEND IT#AND I WROTE DOWN EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID AND IT MADE SENSE IN CLASS#BUT NOW MY BRAIN IS ALL FUZZY AND I CANNT UNDERSTAND A WORD#AND I PROCRASTICATED ALL WEEKEND BECAUSE. I COULD NOT FUCKING FOCUS#BECAUSE OOOOHHH MAYBE ILL JUST MAGICALLY START FOCUSINH IF I WAIT LONG ENOUGH#NOPE!#FUCK ME I GUESS#THIS IS DUE TOMORROW SO I HAVE TO GET THIS DONE#ITS LIKE MY BRAIN IS SLUDGE I CAN'T THINK CLEARLY AT ALL#if i can't do well in this course then. um. i don't wanna say my life is ruined but. it fucks up so many things for me#I don't know dude I just can't wrap my head around this kind of stuff and I'm stressed#lilac post#im aware im being self pitying and this won't help me but im feeling bitchy 2nite
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Honestly don't think I realized that Valencian music was this much of an actual genuine special interest until I got here and had to start explaining myself to people
#me in the united states: well no one here listens to valencian music but if i go there i'll probably just be normal#me coming to the valencian country: oh wow look it's blorbo (location) from my songs!#<- if you think i am exaggerating here this is a real experience i had today#i mean i don't think i'm insanely off the margin for people who are from the pv but like. i don't even live here i know nothing#and yet simultaneously know wayyy more than i should. because of song#extremely weird niche to be in socially#tbf i should have realized this sooner. first time i came here i took my dad on a 12km walk#to visit the places in valència ciutat that show up in camals mullats la vida sense tu and quan caminàvem#like literally i can recite cant de vicent from memory but i don't know any of those places irl#anyways. autism moment i guess#getting through grad school on the sheer power of my high school special interest#perce rambles#this post brought to you by someone today asking me what valencian groups i listen to. sir do you want to unpack that can of worms
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