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kittenintheden · 8 months ago

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Poker Face

the one-shot I've been teasing has dropped! thank you to every last one of you who supported me and contributed to this. you know who you are. and if you don't know, you will. enjoy!!!

Rating: E Paring: Astarion/GN!Tav Wordcount: 2.2k Content: established relationship, gender-neutral Tav (?), quickie, semi-public sex, party sex, blowjob, penetrative sex, use of lube, The Horrors (?)

You and Astarion are having a casual evening hanging out with some friends. When you spy him from across the room, he gives you a tell only you know.

He wants you. Here and now. And you're happy to oblige.

Astarion has a tell.

Several of them, if you’re being honest, but one in particular with a specific connotation. You catch him tonight as you look over your shoulder, laughing at something your friend just said. On the other side of the room, your love leans against the wall, also engaged in conversation with someone at this casual gathering in the loft above Dammon’s shop.

Astarion smiles blandly at his company before he meets your eye and it turns genuine. A subtle change in the lines of his face that you’ve come to know so well, eyes going rounder and the sharp points of his teeth glinting through his parted lips. That isn’t the tell.

The tell is when he raises his hand to his mouth and rubs the pad of his thumb over his lower lip, letting it pull from the tension ever so slightly as his eyes look you up and down. He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, and you’re not about to tell him, but you know exactly what it means even as he turns back to his conversation.

He wants you. Here and now. There’s no doubt in your mind that there’s a dull ache starting between his legs, just as it’s starting between yours.

You take a sip from your goblet, letting the wine swirl on your tongue as you pay your companions a placating smile, only half-listening to the subject of their discussion. After a few minutes, you graciously excuse yourself and move toward Astarion’s group. You notice his head turn slightly at your approach.

“Sorry to interrupt,” you say to the others as you run your fingers over his shirt sleeve before looking into his face. “I could use some air. Would you walk with me?”

“Of course, my sweet,” he says, voice the very essence of chivalry. He takes your goblet and sets it on the side table, offering his arm. You accept it and allow him to lead you outside the flat and down the stairs. When you hit the ground floor, you gently guide him with you out of sight.

“What’s this?” he teases.

In answer, you put one hand on his waist and slide the other hand around the back of his neck to draw him into a deep soul kiss. When he immediately opens to you without a hint of resistance, you know you were right. Before you pull away, you gently suck his lower lip and listen to him whine when you give it a light nibble.

“You looked like you needed a walk,” you whisper against his mouth. “Partner’s intuition. Was I wrong?”

Astarion tucks his chin and looks up at you, pupils overtaking the heated red irises of his eyes. “No.” He reaches around to twist the cloth at the base of your spine in his fist and pull you flush against him, where you can feel something rigid against your hip. “You weren’t.”

You know what that ridge is.

You open the door to Dammon’s storage shed and pull Astarion along behind you. You fumble with the nearest lantern until the flame lights, casting the space in a flickering orange glow before you pull the door shut. With a laugh, you herd him into the closest open expanse, careful where you step.

Astarion’s back hits the wall. He growls and takes you by the wrist, dragging your fingers down the fabric of his shirt until you’re pressed tight to the firm length of his quivering member through his trousers. You meet his eyes, inches from your own, and note the way he pants out his breath between the points of his teeth.

“Do you feel what you do to me?” he whispers, tilting his chin toward you. “The way my magic male love stick is pulled to you like you’re the Sailor’s Star? The way I want to put my peepee in your peepee?”

Your eyelids go heavy and hooded. You tilt your head and catch his mouth in a kiss and feel the vibration of his approving hum through his lips. At the same time, you give his heckin long chonk a slow stroke through the fabric and his body leans into yours, knees gone weak. He licks along your lip with a quiet groan.

Oh, how you love him like this. Hornt up and ready to ride, tender and eager. He’s frothin’ for you instead of thinking of his next move, and the one after that, and the one after that. Split open like a hot dog bun, 100% all beef frank and condiments spilling from him in a cascade.

Such a show of trust, of love, to let you see exactly how badly he wants to take the skin boat to tuna town. To put that knowledge and that power in your hands.

You’ll show him his trust is well-placed.

Reluctantly, you break from his mouth and he tries to follow you, tries to maintain the connection with a breathy whine. You swallow hard and run your fingers over his jawline. “Where do you want this, dearest? What would you like?”

“Your gibbering gob,” he gasps, still fighting you for another kiss. “I want you to put your piehole on me.”

“On you where?” you whisper, brushing your lips barely against his.

“On my piehole.” His voice contains the hint of a growl, now. “My neck. My chest, my stomach, my schlong.” He tests your will to hold him at bay. “Especially my big pulsating pocket rocket.”

You grin and wrinkle your nose, running your fingers up either side of his head to thread into his hair as you roll your body into his, capturing his lips with an agreeable purr. As requested, you release him and instead reach for his linen shirt, pulling it free of his trousers where he’s tucked it. He doesn’t release you from the kiss until the shirt has to go over his head. You drop it on the floor and put your hot mouth against the side of his neck, following the column of his throat with tooth and tongue. His back arches up off the wall and you use your weight to keep him in place.

Kisses travel across the expanse of his chest and over his undulating abdomen, incapable of staying still in his current state of total horned upitude. With gentle fingers, you pull at the fastenings at the front of his trousers, working them open enough to kiss and lick to the hem of his underoos. You spend a teasing amount of time running the tip of your tongue just under the band before he huffs his impatience at you.

When you sit back to look up at him, you find his eyes lidded and teeming with glossy lust, curls hanging down around his head. “I need you to slobber my knobber, my love,” he says softly.

“You do?” you ask him sweetly, even as you continue working his banana hammock to free his dingdingdong. He sighs his relief when he feels it in your hand, your fingers dancing lightly over that velvet salami.

“I love your mouth muscle on me.” He gasps sharply when you reward him with a light lick under the bulbous mushroom. “Love your sloppy toppies, your…” Another gasp as you swirl your tongue round him. “Gods, I need you to blow my job right now, I can’t think-”

His groan is low and wanting as you take him fully, letting the length of his one-eyed snake slide over the curl of your oral slug as far as you can go without gagging. You hollow your cheeks slightly, giving him the suction he seeks, and begin to move, working his love popsicle slowly.

“Yes,” he breathes, leaning heavily back into the wall even as he gently cants his hips in time with your mouth. You feel the light touch of his fingertips against your temple, moving back to play with your hair. When he looks down again to observe, he adds, “Such a sweet orifice, so perfect for my tallywacker. You are so beautiful like this. Could watch you… forever.”

Forever is a very long time, which you remind him by increasing your efforts, head moving quicker now, your tongue dragging along the underside of his organic dildo. He shudders forward, curling over you, humming.

“Ah, good to me, so good, gods, gods, that-” His words are cut through with an aching moan and you feel his steel rod swell (somehow) and go harder (than steel) against the softness of your mouth.

Then he has his arms underneath your arms and he pulls you bodily off him, up and away, and then you’re on your feet and he’s spinning you both around until your back is the one against the wall.

“What-” you start, but then he’s face humping you with his mouth, tongue desperately tasting.

You feel his hand digging into your side pouch and for one incredulous moment you think he’s trying to bloody pickpocket you mid-doink, but then you hear the near-indistinguishable pop of a cork and realize he’s found the vial of oily sex sauce you keep on hand. He moves to your neck, suckling and kissing, and you glance down to see him pumping his piston dick with his greasy hand.

He raises glazed, ruddy eyes to look deep into you, the rosemary and citrus scent of him resiny and bright. With the same hand he used on himself, he runs his palm straight down the front of your pants and crotch sling to slip in between your legs. Immediately, you lift a knee and he grabs hold of it with his free hand, hoisting it up and wide to get all up in there.

With a winded laugh, he says, “Didn’t know how ready you’d be, and I don’t want to wait.”

“So don’t,” you gasp, your eyes rolling back into your head as his slicked hand slides against your meat curtains in a dizzying way. He works the tips of his fingers inside your love pocket, testing as much as needed, and when he’s satisfied, he pulls his hand free.

You’re fairly certain you pull out a seam in your leggings in the rush to get them off, but neither of you care. True to his word, Astarion hikes your leg back up high and plunges his fuck stem into your bajingo without further pretense, the pair of you choking back your cries as you start doing the horizontal tango, except it’s vertical because you’re up against the wall. With his hand splayed over your hip and booty-butt to keep you in place, his fingers press into your skin on that delightful edge between pressure and pain.

“I a-ache,” Astairon stammers, swallowing hard as he helps you bounce on his fat hog. “Every moment you’re near, I… I ache for you.”

With his free hand, he goes under the hem of your draping shirt and runs his cool fingers up over your torso to your chest, massaging you in slow circles and giving those pink nubs a good once-over. He churns you like butter with his wand of penetration like he can’t wait, like this is the first time, like this is the last time, like this is every time in between.

You whine out your horniness and drop your head back, exposing the length of your throat to him as your jollies climb higher, coil tighter. He clings to you as though you’re life itself, using the wall for leverage as he angles you until he hits that good shit that makes you hiccup.

“Give me this, gorgeous,” he gasps, his humpy-humps firm and rhythmic. “I want to feel your b/p/ussy clench, come on. Let me feel you, let… spurt for… gimme cummies…”

You do. Your body shivers from your toes to the top of your head, radiating in waves from the core of you. Astarion gives a strangled cry almost like a sob as the strength of your whambam hits him, rippling along the length of his tickle stick where it’s bottomed out inside you. The place where you meet goes sticky-wet with your lubricating ointment.

He hoists you higher onto the wall, your legs tight around his waist, until you’re looking down into his face, your arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“You are so beautiful like this,” you say, whispering his own words back to him.

It isn’t a lie. Never has been, never will be. He’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, gazing up at you with eyes the color of lifeblood and hair the color of moonlight as he bumps your ugly, as close as he can possibly get. Just like always, he tries to keep it together, to be the picture of confidence and seductive heat, and just like always, he can’t quite manage it as he closes in on the final moment of your bonedogging, his flesh chandelier slapping a final time.

His eyes fall closed, his brow tenses, and his lips part as quiet ah ah ahs fall from them. He grabs your hips with both hands and pulls you firmly to him, rolling once more before he releases his brogurt with a shaky exhale, spine arching and head falling back. Tension rolls off his body like rainwater, pooling beneath the pair of you as your cardinal sinning slows and stops.

Without a word, Astarion tilts his head forward again, eyes shut, and finds your mouth with his, lips soft and sweet as sugarcane. His head lolls to the side to lay on your shoulder and you feel his smile stretch against the skin of your neck.

“April Fool’s,” he whispers. “Sucker.”

so, this was a joke. obviously, I hope. APRIL FOOL'S LOL.

there is, however, a real actually sexy version and you can find that one right here. sorry. no I'm not. mwah love you all.

#astarion bg3 #astarion fanfic #astarion smut #astarion x reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion x tav #astarion x gn!tav #astarion x gender neutral reader #kitten writes #I am not sorry

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