#I am no motivated enough for that lmao
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Shout-out to me (got sick and then immediately also bruised/cut my hand reaching under a car) :]
#spotatalk#I was gonna doodle something silly butttt#I am no motivated enough for that lmao#luckily the bruise isn't like... stopping me from using my hand it just ouchies if I set it again something stupid-style lol#i'm having a time but!!!!#it's fine!!
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for @chanonara <3
#svtgifs#svtcreations#svtsource#forsvt#fywonwoo#seventeen#the video you sent quite literally got me over the giffinf slump LMAO#or at least gave me enough motivation to make one set LMAO#i might finally make a wonu set who knows not me!#wait fuck i didn't even tag the members yet oopsie#chan#wonwoo#i am ignoring how different the coloring looks in every one of these i simply do not see#b.edits
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an old fitpac doodle and a more recent one from the happy pills arc bc i rewatched it and couldn’t stop noticing how close q!pac was getting to q!fit to speak everytime
i love how you can see i improved lmao (tbf i only properly shaded the more recent one bc i just got more into it)
#the old one is there just bc i found it cute tbh#i love how u can see how i change slightly my designs from every single post#i feel like i will change them again lmao#Loon’sArt#i am not getting motivated enough to do actual full coloured drawings and everything so this is all im posting#qsmp fitmc#qsmp pactw#fitpac
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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hey hi hello! first of all i'd like to say i took your patron saint uquiz and it. Changed my life unironically it's so good. i follow you now because every line in that quiz was a gut punch and i loved it. top tier hurt honestly
my question is this - i am a fanauthor. on the side i also write my own original fiction but i specialize in fanfic. Am I allowed to use your poetry for a reference folder? I wouldn't use your poetry in a fic without explicit permission and without linking back here of course, and I'd never use it for commercial work outside of maybe taking inspiration without copying, but I wanna have a ref folder of Things That Made Me Feel Things about a character. It's not planned to be public as of yet, it's just supposed to be a bunch of screenshots in my drafts, but I'd like to maybe one day make it public once the fic was complete. (I already have your blog linked in my drafts actually, so if it goes public I'm not gonna forget.) I just want to make sure you're comfortable with me using your poetry for fanfic of all things
It's cool if not and have a great day! I still think your poetry is great and evocative and all
hi, anon! you're all good, i prommy. so glad you like the quiz + the poetry, and i would always prefer people come and ask questions if they're uncertain! no trouble at all.
my general stance is that as long as it's clearly credited, i am totally cool with my work being used in personal projects. like you said, i've got a tag for the things that people make! i love to see what people create. if it's for a noncommercial creative project then i would say there's no need to ask beforehand (unless it would make you more comfortable to ask, in which case go ahead and i'll almost certainly say yes <3). my only thing is that if you post it, please tag me in it/send it to me so that i can reblog it here for people to see!
if there are any questions about using my work that anyone has, feel free to ask. i don't think i've got anything particular going on outside of common practice! same way you'd treat, like, a richard siken poem or smth: you wanna credit it so that people can find the source material, and make sure you're not using it for profit unless you have an understanding with that author. i trust you all to be decent about it <3 kiss kiss go out and make your cool little things so that i can be delighted and amazed with them
#extremely selfish motivations i think you should all go make things with my poems cause i love to look at them#collecting them on the blog like pretty rocks to look at every so often#except instead of rocks they are like. beautiful pieces of creative work.#i just think it's so cool that you can take one set of words and then use them to create something new. isn't language and art awesome#anyway trust you all! except that one person who copied my. quiz questions. of all things. girl come onnnnnnnnnnn#would've said you could absolutely use my quiz for inspo as long as you credited me somewhere... that's all that it comes back to...#anyway. i'm bigger than someone using my really unique and awesome quiz questions on uquiz dot com. (<— affirmations)#do i need an FAQ? i feel like i'm assembling enough topics to warrant an FAQ.#something to think about...#ask#not poetry#OH MAN ALSO. FORGOT TO SAY IN THE ORIGINAL POST. fanfic is so totally cool with me. i write fanfic lmao#if you are an astute observer... and you know how to get to my main account... my ao3 link is there you can read me for filth#this is halfway a trick question cause my main account is so incredibly easy to find and if you've taken the quiz you saw it#unless you came here straight from like. uquiz. and didn't see the tumblr post. in which case WHOA.#... people know that it's just my main account posting the quizzes right. like the matching usernames make that clear??#just occurred to me that it might cause some confusion. whateverrrrrrr as i said no shame in fanfiction i love to see it haha#making no promises cause i am so bad at watching media and probably won't know what it's about anyway#but chances are pretty good that i'd read the fic if you sent it to me. non-zero for sure#(<— guy who wants to see people using his stuff for creative work so so so so so so so fucking bad)
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guys, I just want to let yall know that I haven't forgotten about my hoshis smau and my piwon serieeee. I'm gonna focus on these two now (+ on the niki's fic) ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀ˋ
(PIWON ASKS I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU EITHER🤭)
#i haaate leaving things unfinished#idk why my motivation was so low for those :(#jwzkwjdjwj i am getting it back now#no matter if my works flop#i will keep writing and finish them bc i enjoy writing them#ugh writers on tumblr i promise i get you#i even just started uni#and im in a new city#you will def see me more complaining about it herre#anyway i yapped enough#i want to write more#but it's getting late here lmao#goodnight everyone!!!#☆ rose's rambling
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The write a thon theme in October is Hyrule so this will be perfect for another Lanayrulie hehe
#daily bailey#I don't have a whole lot of writing motivation now lmao#but i have a few ideas for lanayrulie and/or funny tales#also you might be wondering if I will write stuff with ravio#well my answer is maybe!#ravio is a very new obsession and so i am not confident enough to write him in a fic just yet hehe#also motivation is down the drain#ive been kinda taking a break from writing other than write a thons#but expect more headcanons and stuff
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THE IPOD IS WORKING
I REPEAT
THE IPOD
IS WORKING
#OKAY CONTEXT A FEW MONTHS AGO I BOUGHT AN IPOD CLASSIC‚ THE A1238 MODEL FROM 2007 TO BE EXACT#ON THE FLEA MARKET FOR THREE EUROS#THIS BAD BABY IS CAPABLE OF STORING EIGHTY GIGS OF MUSIC ON IT#TROUBLE IS‚ I WAS IN TOO MUCH SHIT TO GO LOOKING FOR A CABLE I COULD ATTEMPT TO CHARGE IT WITH#(the people at the flea market in my hometown are usually very honest about whether or not a piece of tech is working but i'll always have#my doubts until i see for myself)#TODAY I FINALLY MANAGED TO BRING MYSELF TO GO TO MY FAVORITE TECH STORE AND AFTER SOME DIGGING THEY ACTUALLY FOUND A 30-PIN CABLE#(it took them a while because the younger of the two dudes who were in the shift didn't exactly know what he was looking for. he brought a#package to the older guy and he said ''that's a samsung cable.'' in his defense‚ that cable and the actual 30-pin are incredibly similar in#shape so i don't blame him lmao‚ it was an honest mistake)#and i plugged that bad boy in tonight and NOT ONLY IS IT GIVING SIGNS OF LIFE (CHARGING)‚ IT SENT ME RIGHT TO THE MENU SCREEN AS SOON AS IT#GOT TO A CERTAIN PERCENTAGE!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#NOW I FINALLY HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO GO THROUGH MY ENTIRE YOUTUBE DOC AND EXTRACT EVERY SINGLE SONG I'VE LISTENED TO IN THE PAST THREE YEAR#(that's as far as they date the watch history logs‚ sadly - they start deleting them after some point so everything before late 2020 is los#to time‚ but fortunately enough there is PLENTY left!)#CAN I GET A HELLLLLL YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#logs#I AM IMMEASURABLY HAPPY ABOUT THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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yall i am SO COOKED next year in band 😭😭
#huge yap sesh in tags#im genuinely so below level#i started trumpet in grade 8 and that was well and good#classes were alright but i wasnt taught any theory which was. a choice#ninth grade and i have learned more theory but practically did not take classes.#like. wasnt given the practice time or any instruction#and like. my highest note is a B#well. C technically. but i cant make a good sounding C#and i need to be atleast up to C to even be in the fucking program yall 💀💀#like i am cookedddd#i have been practicing atleast 20 mins daily but i am not being given instruction obviously bcoz school is out. literally just scale sheets#and like i dont think thats enough#but im not motivated because likr im not being given instruction it feels like a chore lmao#and i DONT KNOW if im doing good#anyways rant over#band kid#damien shut up challenge
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me puttingon the filters "remote" and "data science major" on this job site from my university and just scrolling thru and applying to a ton that don't need cover letter without reading the qualifications/requirements 😀
#data science major is enough LMAO i'm slightly qualified at least right#if they get back to me i can read/reconsider LOL#bitch has to write a goddamn cover letter at some point tho lmfao#tmrw i'm getting together w my friend who also needs to apply for jobs i'll surely write a cover letter then right for shore#bro there's this unpaid internship that is like pretty fitting for me#but it's fucking unpaid which is so annoying lmfao#didn't realize it was unpaid until today (i saw it like yesterday lmao)#anyway looked at my email and reminded that i have to reply to an email abt a job i actualy have rn lmao 😭#and just didn't do this semester#but i want/need to get back to it#but i've spent the last week rotting and doing absolutely nothing#idk where the motivation to do things is gonna come from LOL but we gotta do it#i gotta put work time like scheduled out in my gcal or smth to make myself actually do it :\#and even then it probably won't rly happen lol#ig i spent the last while lying here clicking apply -> submit resume to all these jobs that don't need anything else LOL#so i'm not completely doing nothing 😀#i also have done a bunch of club stuff 😀 for the club that i am no longer director for but ya know#i need to wash my hairrrrrrrrrr lmao ;-;#jeanne talks
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wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!
#/sarcastic btw. i am. Not happy about this recent development#Seven.txt#writing stuff#ao3#like. don't get me wrong i do understand why and i can't fault anyone and i'm not like.. Mad. but it does hurt a lil#but alas. tis the nature of creating and posting things. not everything's gonna be received well and that's fine#it does suck to see a fic i put so much time and effort and love and part of myself into flopping so hard#not because i wrote it for anyone's sake other than my own#but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want people to enjoy the things i create. that's like. a normal and common desire#and i think i maybe killed it before it could get going with how i tagged it and the bigass disclaimer at the beginning#i think those turn a lot of ppl off that might otherwise read and maybe even find that they enjoy it??#but i would rather over-warn ppl for the triggering and non-canon aspects than under-warn them and potentially trigger or upset someone#and i can't blame ppl that subscribed for some Other thing when they open their email and see a notif that i posted smthn#and it's a mile of upsetting/negative sounding tags for a fic abt a guy they either don't know or don't wanna see mischaracterized#and so of course they unsub and that's okay. it's okay.#anyways. enough bitching abt my fic not doing well. i don't have much room to complain!#most of my stuff is fairly well received imo. so i can stand to have a flop fic every once in a while. gotta balance things out lmao#the good thing is it's already fully written so the lack of engagement can't stop me!! there's no motivation to kill! it's done already!#anyways. i'll post a chapter a day as planned and then it'll be out of my system in a week and i can post other stuff again finally#next up will be an [N]MbD oneshot. then i'll finally post the Dew Ghost Band OCD fic. then another [N]MbD oneshot ehehe#and thennn ES Ch.5! fucking finally. i can't wait to continue that story#the Dew fic is a oneshot too btw. once AEIWNF is fully posted then the only multi-chapter project i'll have is ES. and that's Enough
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Idk its sorta funny that it took me 25 years to really ask for help and I just... completely lost my oldest and closest confidants and then I'm just stuck on the other side like... wow I was really getting physically abused again and they just... abandoned me over love bombing. Usually I try to forgive but... man even if it stopped feeling so raw, and I was able to completely blame myself[both for the initial abuse, and the fallout ensuing from talking about it but fearing being too negative or focusing on myself too much, resulting in ""love bombing""] I just can't see myself actually... engaging with them. Which is fine enough, I closed myself off to everyone including them long before that anyways. I'm certainly a self fulfilling prophecy, I do wish there were less casualties in the meantime.
#sardonic speeches#best part about being bullied by your former friends in elementary is it really just...#cements that people will leave and they wont care when they do so theres no use worrying too much over it#i think 10+ years of the closest thing to friendship i can muster is enough to mourn and grieve over tho lmao#atleast i can use tumblr again without the thinking useless thoughts thing#idk i think ill drop off social media and maybe life in general in a bit tho...#i just... wish i had been self motivated enough to do anything? or talented enough that someone felt i was worth motivating#i mean... my mentor said he was proud of me but he never#idk.#said i was smart or funny or anything?#i can always pretend i am but... man ive never really had shit going for me#which isnt to say i couldnt still do something with myself!! thats the case w plenty of people i just....#lack ambition or motivation and i hate living w myself but uhm... i am myself so other ppl arent into it either#god then add capitalism on top of it and like... bro i dont want to use my labour for a conglomerate.#like... truly glad i didnt go thru school to be in debt for a stem field and have all the research im passionate about not be funded#and then have my findings used for absolute bullshit#hs me was right dissuading myself from shooting for a graduate degree program like epidemiology#idk i just dont trust that companies would release a cure en masse and if i had ever contributed...
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Ate shit on my bike today, 0/10 do not recommend. However it did teach me why layers are important + trust my gut when it comes to my bike. Walked off with stinging hands and a skinned knee thanks to 3 jackets and two pairs of pants... the cold saved me. Fixed the issue, glad I spilled a 5 min walk from the store so was able to find the tool to get the handlebars back in alignment but yea... next time I feel everything shift like that I'm stopping. The all in one bike tool I grabbed seems to work so no worries next time it happens but you bet the ride home + experiencing any turn again was nerve wracking.
#smol's rambles#busting myself to pick up hrt was not on my 2024 bingo but that gave me more motivation to not lose it lmao#just hope the rest of the bike is okay because i have a 5 am shift tomorrow morning and im not going to be awake enough to inspect it fully
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4 more scenes. Then I can type this up. And then. I never have to look at it again.
#writing woes#the final stretch baby. nobody asked for it but. final stretch.#god. please. i want it to be done.#i really hope like at least 1 person thinks its good.#I'm so fucking nervous people will think it sucks. please I'm so nervous. ugh#ughhhhhh i want it off my plate#but i hope. it's good.#i see all the flaws in it. is it ooc? are the characters even close to right? do these motivations make sense?#is this plot point coming out of left field? have i justified my thoughts on including this scene enough?#is any of this earned? is it too long? does it make any sense???#is this anything more that masturbatory self-indulgent nonsense?? does it need to be? (yes)#how do people stand it lmao its so Rough.#i was gonna do at least 1 more pass of edits bc thats what i need to do for my academic works. but god above i am so sick of looking at this#i don't want toooooooooo
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The New Year is upon us!
Thought I’d take a second away from my Good Omens content and chart down some goals I want to work on this year. If you skip, I hope you have a great start to 2024!✨
(content down below:)
Continuing to dive into things I am passionate about, working out a balance in both my professional field of study and personal life (professional: discovering new viola works and engaging with the music-historian mindset, giving myself those opportunities to refresh my love for the instrument and to take some stress away from the demands of the performance route) (personal: continuing to engage with fandom things, aka GOOD OMENS lol, observing/admiring more artworks, etc.)
Protecting my peace. I want to surround myself with good energy and people who will accept me for who I am, and not criticize me for being myself (particularly w family members)
Documenting more things! (whether that is via journaling, pictures/videos), and working to focus on both how the good and bad experiences serve in my growth (as a person and a musician). The second part is a life-long exploratory journey, but one I will always actively work towards improving on, even when I feel that I am in a good place with it.
Give myself more grace, particularly when things are rough and my mind wants to shut out the world. Showing the same kind of compassion and support for myself as I do for others around me.
This year was a pretty hectic time for my life moving forward, going by too fast at times, but I hope 2024 brings in some good times! Cheers🫶✨
(enjoy some 1827 Edinburgh Crowley <3)
#2024 i hope you are a good one#because 2023 was a whole handful to deal with#i'd say there was a strange balance of both good and bad things that happened#(does good omens s2 count as both? 🤣)#lmao no but fr#idec if s2ep6 gave me more crippling depression#i still loved s2 and am even more excited for s3;)#that in itself is enough motivation to keep me going
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