#I am no motivated enough for that lmao
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spotaus · 14 days ago
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Shout-out to me (got sick and then immediately also bruised/cut my hand reaching under a car) :]
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ishikawayukis · 1 year ago
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for @chanonara <3
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eido-loon · 11 months ago
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an old fitpac doodle and a more recent one from the happy pills arc bc i rewatched it and couldn’t stop noticing how close q!pac was getting to q!fit to speak everytime
i love how you can see i improved lmao (tbf i only properly shaded the more recent one bc i just got more into it)
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 6 months ago
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 months ago
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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trickstersaint · 1 month ago
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hey hi hello! first of all i'd like to say i took your patron saint uquiz and it. Changed my life unironically it's so good. i follow you now because every line in that quiz was a gut punch and i loved it. top tier hurt honestly
my question is this - i am a fanauthor. on the side i also write my own original fiction but i specialize in fanfic. Am I allowed to use your poetry for a reference folder? I wouldn't use your poetry in a fic without explicit permission and without linking back here of course, and I'd never use it for commercial work outside of maybe taking inspiration without copying, but I wanna have a ref folder of Things That Made Me Feel Things about a character. It's not planned to be public as of yet, it's just supposed to be a bunch of screenshots in my drafts, but I'd like to maybe one day make it public once the fic was complete. (I already have your blog linked in my drafts actually, so if it goes public I'm not gonna forget.) I just want to make sure you're comfortable with me using your poetry for fanfic of all things
It's cool if not and have a great day! I still think your poetry is great and evocative and all
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hi, anon! you're all good, i prommy. so glad you like the quiz + the poetry, and i would always prefer people come and ask questions if they're uncertain! no trouble at all.
my general stance is that as long as it's clearly credited, i am totally cool with my work being used in personal projects. like you said, i've got a tag for the things that people make! i love to see what people create. if it's for a noncommercial creative project then i would say there's no need to ask beforehand (unless it would make you more comfortable to ask, in which case go ahead and i'll almost certainly say yes <3). my only thing is that if you post it, please tag me in it/send it to me so that i can reblog it here for people to see!
if there are any questions about using my work that anyone has, feel free to ask. i don't think i've got anything particular going on outside of common practice! same way you'd treat, like, a richard siken poem or smth: you wanna credit it so that people can find the source material, and make sure you're not using it for profit unless you have an understanding with that author. i trust you all to be decent about it <3 kiss kiss go out and make your cool little things so that i can be delighted and amazed with them
#extremely selfish motivations i think you should all go make things with my poems cause i love to look at them#collecting them on the blog like pretty rocks to look at every so often#except instead of rocks they are like. beautiful pieces of creative work.#i just think it's so cool that you can take one set of words and then use them to create something new. isn't language and art awesome#anyway trust you all! except that one person who copied my. quiz questions. of all things. girl come onnnnnnnnnnn#would've said you could absolutely use my quiz for inspo as long as you credited me somewhere... that's all that it comes back to...#anyway. i'm bigger than someone using my really unique and awesome quiz questions on uquiz dot com. (<— affirmations)#do i need an FAQ? i feel like i'm assembling enough topics to warrant an FAQ.#something to think about...#ask#not poetry#OH MAN ALSO. FORGOT TO SAY IN THE ORIGINAL POST. fanfic is so totally cool with me. i write fanfic lmao#if you are an astute observer... and you know how to get to my main account... my ao3 link is there you can read me for filth#this is halfway a trick question cause my main account is so incredibly easy to find and if you've taken the quiz you saw it#unless you came here straight from like. uquiz. and didn't see the tumblr post. in which case WHOA.#... people know that it's just my main account posting the quizzes right. like the matching usernames make that clear??#just occurred to me that it might cause some confusion. whateverrrrrrr as i said no shame in fanfiction i love to see it haha#making no promises cause i am so bad at watching media and probably won't know what it's about anyway#but chances are pretty good that i'd read the fic if you sent it to me. non-zero for sure#(<— guy who wants to see people using his stuff for creative work so so so so so so so fucking bad)
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yyawnjun · 3 months ago
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guys, I just want to let yall know that I haven't forgotten about my hoshis smau and my piwon serieeee. I'm gonna focus on these two now (+ on the niki's fic) ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀ˋ
(PIWON ASKS I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU EITHER🤭)
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baileyboo2016 · 4 months ago
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The write a thon theme in October is Hyrule so this will be perfect for another Lanayrulie hehe
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fionnaskyborn · 1 year ago
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THE IPOD IS WORKING
I REPEAT
THE IPOD
IS WORKING
#OKAY CONTEXT A FEW MONTHS AGO I BOUGHT AN IPOD CLASSIC‚ THE A1238 MODEL FROM 2007 TO BE EXACT#ON THE FLEA MARKET FOR THREE EUROS#THIS BAD BABY IS CAPABLE OF STORING EIGHTY GIGS OF MUSIC ON IT#TROUBLE IS‚ I WAS IN TOO MUCH SHIT TO GO LOOKING FOR A CABLE I COULD ATTEMPT TO CHARGE IT WITH#(the people at the flea market in my hometown are usually very honest about whether or not a piece of tech is working but i'll always have#my doubts until i see for myself)#TODAY I FINALLY MANAGED TO BRING MYSELF TO GO TO MY FAVORITE TECH STORE AND AFTER SOME DIGGING THEY ACTUALLY FOUND A 30-PIN CABLE#(it took them a while because the younger of the two dudes who were in the shift didn't exactly know what he was looking for. he brought a#package to the older guy and he said ''that's a samsung cable.'' in his defense‚ that cable and the actual 30-pin are incredibly similar in#shape so i don't blame him lmao‚ it was an honest mistake)#and i plugged that bad boy in tonight and NOT ONLY IS IT GIVING SIGNS OF LIFE (CHARGING)‚ IT SENT ME RIGHT TO THE MENU SCREEN AS SOON AS IT#GOT TO A CERTAIN PERCENTAGE!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#NOW I FINALLY HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO GO THROUGH MY ENTIRE YOUTUBE DOC AND EXTRACT EVERY SINGLE SONG I'VE LISTENED TO IN THE PAST THREE YEAR#(that's as far as they date the watch history logs‚ sadly - they start deleting them after some point so everything before late 2020 is los#to time‚ but fortunately enough there is PLENTY left!)#CAN I GET A HELLLLLL YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#logs#I AM IMMEASURABLY HAPPY ABOUT THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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cupioriot · 6 months ago
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yall i am SO COOKED next year in band 😭😭
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kuiinncedes · 8 months ago
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me puttingon the filters "remote" and "data science major" on this job site from my university and just scrolling thru and applying to a ton that don't need cover letter without reading the qualifications/requirements 😀
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seventh-district · 1 year ago
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wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!
#/sarcastic btw. i am. Not happy about this recent development#Seven.txt#writing stuff#ao3#like. don't get me wrong i do understand why and i can't fault anyone and i'm not like.. Mad. but it does hurt a lil#but alas. tis the nature of creating and posting things. not everything's gonna be received well and that's fine#it does suck to see a fic i put so much time and effort and love and part of myself into flopping so hard#not because i wrote it for anyone's sake other than my own#but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want people to enjoy the things i create. that's like. a normal and common desire#and i think i maybe killed it before it could get going with how i tagged it and the bigass disclaimer at the beginning#i think those turn a lot of ppl off that might otherwise read and maybe even find that they enjoy it??#but i would rather over-warn ppl for the triggering and non-canon aspects than under-warn them and potentially trigger or upset someone#and i can't blame ppl that subscribed for some Other thing when they open their email and see a notif that i posted smthn#and it's a mile of upsetting/negative sounding tags for a fic abt a guy they either don't know or don't wanna see mischaracterized#and so of course they unsub and that's okay. it's okay.#anyways. enough bitching abt my fic not doing well. i don't have much room to complain!#most of my stuff is fairly well received imo. so i can stand to have a flop fic every once in a while. gotta balance things out lmao#the good thing is it's already fully written so the lack of engagement can't stop me!! there's no motivation to kill! it's done already!#anyways. i'll post a chapter a day as planned and then it'll be out of my system in a week and i can post other stuff again finally#next up will be an [N]MbD oneshot. then i'll finally post the Dew Ghost Band OCD fic. then another [N]MbD oneshot ehehe#and thennn ES Ch.5! fucking finally. i can't wait to continue that story#the Dew fic is a oneshot too btw. once AEIWNF is fully posted then the only multi-chapter project i'll have is ES. and that's Enough
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sardonicsergeant · 10 days ago
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Idk its sorta funny that it took me 25 years to really ask for help and I just... completely lost my oldest and closest confidants and then I'm just stuck on the other side like... wow I was really getting physically abused again and they just... abandoned me over love bombing. Usually I try to forgive but... man even if it stopped feeling so raw, and I was able to completely blame myself[both for the initial abuse, and the fallout ensuing from talking about it but fearing being too negative or focusing on myself too much, resulting in ""love bombing""] I just can't see myself actually... engaging with them. Which is fine enough, I closed myself off to everyone including them long before that anyways. I'm certainly a self fulfilling prophecy, I do wish there were less casualties in the meantime.
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smolmagicalmuffin · 19 days ago
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Ate shit on my bike today, 0/10 do not recommend. However it did teach me why layers are important + trust my gut when it comes to my bike. Walked off with stinging hands and a skinned knee thanks to 3 jackets and two pairs of pants... the cold saved me. Fixed the issue, glad I spilled a 5 min walk from the store so was able to find the tool to get the handlebars back in alignment but yea... next time I feel everything shift like that I'm stopping. The all in one bike tool I grabbed seems to work so no worries next time it happens but you bet the ride home + experiencing any turn again was nerve wracking.
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apocalypticdemon · 7 months ago
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4 more scenes. Then I can type this up. And then. I never have to look at it again.
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musicawizard · 1 year ago
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The New Year is upon us! 
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Thought I’d take a second away from my Good Omens content and chart down some goals I want to work on this year. If you skip, I hope you have a great start to 2024!✨
(content down below:) 
Continuing to dive into things I am passionate about, working out a balance in both my professional field of study and personal life (professional: discovering new viola works and engaging with the music-historian mindset, giving myself those opportunities to refresh my love for the instrument and to take some stress away from the demands of the performance route) (personal: continuing to engage with fandom things, aka GOOD OMENS lol, observing/admiring more artworks, etc.)  
Protecting my peace. I want to surround myself with good energy and people who will accept me for who I am, and not criticize me for being myself (particularly w family members)
Documenting more things! (whether that is via journaling, pictures/videos), and working to focus on both how the good and bad experiences serve in my growth (as a person and a musician). The second part is a life-long exploratory journey, but one I will always actively work towards improving on, even when I feel that I am in a good place with it.
Give myself more grace, particularly when things are rough and my mind wants to shut out the world. Showing the same kind of compassion and support for myself as I do for others around me.
This year was a pretty hectic time for my life moving forward, going by too fast at times, but I hope 2024 brings in some good times! Cheers🫶✨
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(enjoy some 1827 Edinburgh Crowley <3)
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