#I am losing so much sleep
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OKAY I NEED EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS TO GO READ THE FUTURE LEFT BEHIND BY @shittygaypornmagazine, ITS FUCKING AMAZING BUT ALSO FUCK YOU TAY I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO US
(SPOILERS FOR TFLB, obviously)
CW Blood
Okay, so I know that the chapter said they were against the wall but I can’t help my little bug brain and I drew everyone in little weird cacoon Amber things we saw in the movie-
Also if you keep writting this amazing stories no joke I will lose sleep
Also I added a little Tay in there lmao-
Link to the fic!!
#rottmnt#rottmnt fanart#the future left behind#save rottmnt#unpauserottmnt#roraexploradora#rise!leo#rottmnt movie#I know I’ve said this like 3 times#but man I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO THE WORLD KAY#DAMN YOUR SO TALENTED-#not me waiting till tay was awake-#because all my favourite artists and writers seem to be awake when I need to sleep#I am losing so much sleep#i am hyperfixating#on rottmnt
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so i'm going to go fucking insane because for a while this aspect of malenia's character design has been bothering me and making me think I'm seeing things and going fucking crazy.
the aspect in question is malenia's left arm:
when i first saw malenia's arm my first thought was oh okay they're probably just bandages or some sort of wraps.
but then you look a bit closer and like
idk about you (because i might be losing it) but it seems like the mesh of whatever the fuck that is very clearly melded with her skin in a way/it looks like it's going into and then emerging out of her skin (which is HORRIFYING to think of I won't lie).
and once again i thought i was going crazy and seeing things because surely these were just meant to be wraps or bandages like the ones we see in the scene of her fighting radahn right?
and then the thought of the needle came to my mind. along with something malenia says in her cutscene before we fight her.
"my flesh was dull gold"
huh. now isn't that interesting.
this would imply that in order to stall the rot from consuming his sister, miquella made a plan to sew unalloyed gold into malenia's skin using his needle in a last-ditch attempt to save her arm.
(granted it's funnier to imagine he just sticks it in her arm and goes okay great all done! and that's probably the canon way it went but)
the thought of the sheer pain malenia must've gone through during this process, to be honest, and the thought of the guilt miquella must've felt at having to force his sister to endure even more agony just to help her is just sad.
and all of it is done just in an attempt to salvage what they can of her and hope that more can't be taken.
edit: btw when looking at malenia pre-bloom and pre-losing her needle it looks like there's a proper layer/cover/whatever it is around her arm up till her knuckles making it seem like an actual covering or layer on top of her skin and what not, but when we fight her post-bloom and post-losing needle it appears like some of the layers have either flaked or fallen away and that reveals that it's actually meshed with/into her skin.
#elden ring#im going to sleep now#i think i will be losing it#if i stay awake any longer#because what the fuck is this#what am i supposed to do with this#it's not even canon and im losing my mind over possible implications#because can you imagine#miquella having to literally stitch his sister's rotting skin back together using unalloyed gold#he is scared and desperate and he doesn't know what else to do or how else to possibly help#and malenia is in so much PAIN#but she loves her brother and trusts in what he's doing and so she endures#god i love all their character designs but hers is just INSANE#malenia blade of miquella#miquella the unalloyed#miquella#malenia#okay BUT#the comedy of miquella being like “hey malenia look over there!”#and just sticking the needle into her arm when she's not looking is great#also miquella using his sister as his home ec project#like wow he's practicing sewing using his sister good for him#i'm sorry don't take this seriously i'm losing my mind
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Book Fiyero: *immediately recognizes Elphaba and stations himself at the backdoor to prevent her from evading him, stalks her halfway across town to her aerie (even though at that point in time she was only a college friend he hadn’t seen in five years), insists on seeing her again, instinctively goes to comfort her when she first cries, gets sucked into increasingly deep and fraught conversations with her about collateral damage and freedom fighter terrorism, calls her the “most individual, the most separate, the most real” DURING AN ARGUMENT, says he adores Elphaba’s looks IN THAT SAME ARGUMENT, doesn’t understand Elphaba’s “being born with a talent or an inclination for goodness is the aberration” comment because (implied) he sincerely believes Elphaba isn’t evil, changes his mind about the plight of the Animals all by himself but doesn’t mention it to Elphaba because he is afraid she would distance himself from him, buys scarves for both his wife and Elphaba even though only Elphaba likes scarves, is so concerned for Elphaba and her dangerous Lurlinemas Eve mission that he stalks her instead of staying at his club or just leaving town altogether, and is so worried about her that he returns to the aerie just to see her*
Also Book Fiyero: Am I in love with Elphaba?
#😭😭😭😭😭😭#wicked#wicked meta#wicked book#faeyero#fiyeraba#re reading wicked and i am crying#maybe the musical was right all along in making him the scarecrow#jk fiyero’s wicked smart no pun intended#i think he was protecting himself subconsciously from heartache#because he had sarima and the kids#if he got in too deep with elphie…well…#but sarima believing he was a little in love with glinda makes me laugh so hard. so off base#honestly the intensity with which fiyero just latched onto elphaba when he sees her again. real I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE HER AGAIN vibes#it almost makes me wonder#because it’s been five years dude#crope saw her too#but he didn’t stalk her halfway across town just to say hi#and he knew her for much less time than glinda boq crope AND tibbett. they literally had only (1) line of dialogue during the shiz years#don’t get me wrong#typically when you have to ask yourself if you love that person the answer is usually no#but i think in this case actions speak louder than words#no shade to musical fiyero btw he also got the sauce. especially bailey!fiyero oh god#but book fiyero is something else#‘my wife is from nest hardings’ ELPHABA WAS BORN IN NEST HARDINGS#he could have said ‘my girlfriend or friend or cousin’ but nooo it had to be wife#also the fact that he refused to sleep with sarima’s sisters or be unfaithful to sarima because he didn’t want to compromise his power#but then sleeps with elphaba when she sheds (1) tear#i’ll shut up now
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Angel isn’t allowed to be the daytime boyfriend and Vox is too much of a wiggle worm to sleep over at night
#hazbin hotel#hazbin angel dust#hazbin vox#hazbin valentino#staticmoth#voxval#valangel#sorry I am fascinated by their dynamic so much I am losing sleep
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Why is Riot rewriting Viktor and Jayce’s bios to be more in line with Arcane lore? The beauty of them is that there’s two very different versions of them that both make sense, like two sides of a coin. If Riot removes the old versions, I will actually lose interest in Jayvik. This is coming from someone who entered the fandom through Arcane and has never played League, and yet I still treasure this version of them.
#maybe I’ll lose interest or maybe I’ll just pretend it never happened#but yes this is a threat#don’t you dare let League Jayvik die out#out of spite I am now going to let my fanfic Jayces lean in more to Giopara’s personality#idc if it doesn’t make sense I love the bastard#you don’t get it I lovw Giopara so much#he’s like my teddy bear I squeeze him at night to sleep better#jayvik#league lore#league of legends#arcane#defender of tomorrow#jayce giopara#jayce talis#machine herald#viktor#viktor arcane#citrus post
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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if Crozier had a nickel for every time someone close to him kept a mortal wound secret from him he'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's definitely enough to give him some very specific trauma for the rest of his life
#blankzier#fitzier#The Terror#Francis Crozier#I must say generally I think we are all collectively sleeping on some very interesting parallels between Blanky and Fitzjames......#I'm a lieutgirlie so this really isn't my department but I wanted to start some thoughts percolating within smarter people's brains on this#Also someone PLEASE write a fic where they both survive and he becomes paranoid about their health and safety QwQ#I want it now even though it would surely destroy me.........#Starky's original posts#Starky's text posts#as I said of course I am a lieutgirlie and the parallel of Edward and Crozier both ''losing two friends in one day'' is just diabolical#and one of my favorite things in the world to imagine is Ned becoming absolutely neurotic about Hodge n Jirv in a survival AU#just full on needs to have at least one and preferably both of them in his line of sight at all times or he starts hyperventilating#and I think the idea of Crozier feeling like that would also be very interesting and even more complicated#because he'd be much more successful than Edward (typical) at being self aware and repressing it which only makes it worse naturally lmao#and also because Blanky and Fitzjames definitely seem like the types who would chafe at that sort of thing lol#whereas I think tbqh Hodge and Jirv would be so messed up they'd be only too happy to embrace the codependency <3 yay <3#To Have And Have Not Lieutenant OT3 Version. Find it in ao3 bookstores whenever I manage to actually finish writing it.#christ look at all those tags. OP make a post about something without mentioning the Lieutenants challenge. failed catastrophically.
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happy birthday dallon!
#dallon weekes#idkhow#my art#this made me lose so much sleep#i had to do it all in one night because. im not gonna be here may 1-5#so here i am. apr 30. cramming this when i should be packing for my dumbass trip#i have to get up at 5am tomorrow what the fuck man#its almost 3#but#id say it was worth it :3 <3#i gave up once i started drawing his jacket lol
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I’ve had this concept rattling around far too long, what if he struggles to tell dreams apart from reality sometimes. Eventually he finds some evidence of what really happened but there’s a few things where he still has genuinely no idea on what’s real, like that time he broke a hand, or the war
Also another thing, sometimes people just, break into the apartment. He gave up on getting new locks years ago
#you have 3 guesses as to what happened to the guy that broke in#‘how does he not know if he broke a hand’ he heals fast it could just as well have been a bad bruise he got in a Heavy sleep#jus sum doodly doos#i am the op#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#fake peppino#please for the love of fuck ignore the jankass perspective I stopped giving a shit midway through drawing the room#f I drew too much I’d lose motivation and confidence so I had to bang it out as quick as I could last night so mind the jank#man there’s. so many things that don’t look good in this but if I have any more of a damn about the quality it would never come out#gave*#oh well. someone will like it. that’s all that matters
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I love these lines so much I can not even express it
#something about i sleep through the night and i go where im wanted#like aah🥹#not staying up being sad and chasing people who clearly don't want to talk to me#and just being with people who genuinely and openly like me#it feels like a bigger achievement than it is maybe cause it was so fucking hard but i think im there now#and i love the way she's like yeah ok maybe i am too much maybe i was obsessed and clingy or whatever but so what#having the ability to love someone deeply is a gift it's a superpower not everyone can do it so fuck everyone#who makes us sensitive people bad about it#also like yeahhh it only gets bad when we stop putting ourself first and let someone walk all over us#because we're too scared to be alone and lose them so we keep dragging it#AAAAH i know im like a year late but i love maisie sooo much#by we i mean maisie and me and all sensitive people out there who don't know how to be chill and casual btw i love u all🥹#maisie peters
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not enough people talk about "dont turn the lights off" ngl. this song + the daycare theme song have been ON LOOP for me. on loop while i draw. on loop while i do chores and cook. on loop while i work. on loop if i need to concentrate on something- no ANYTHING. it's such a comfort to me. this song has a DEATH GRIP on me. WHIMSY UNMATCHED. you don't understand how much this song fuels me to keep creating DCA content for myself ohhh my god.
"lights on" doesn't even compare for me (WHICH OFC i like the song + with the recent release of "best friend" im still giddy)
which, i feel the need to add, this song is pivotal for my motivation to write EBY (wip dca fic im working on rn). like idk i feel invincible when this song plays ig lmao.
#pingyappathon#i eat sleep and breathe DCA rn#i just want someone to get me like srsly understand how deep this hyperfixation is and how important DCA is to me#i need to sing the lyrics at the top of my lungs#it's just THAT good u dont understand#or maybe you do#do you?#please tell me you do cause im GONNA LOSE IT. its so lonely out here#shaking yall rn cause am i missing something like did i miss the excitement that came and went??#i just dont understand why it's not talked about as much cuz i genuinely think it's a BANGER? pls guys its soooo good!!#like the happiness i get from listening to it and the stims are unrivaled my goshgaj#literally its been in my spotify rotation for about 3 months straight :sob:#unless if im totally wrong and we're silently appreciating this masterpiece because guys I NEED TO YAP AB IT. LOUDLY. OBNOXIOUSLY.#ive wanted to make an animatic with it for SOOOO long too AGH#dca fandom#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf dca#fnaf sb#Spotify#that or play it on my uke one of these days even if my singing isn't that great (im havin fun lol)
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I have some good news and some less good news: Good news: I think I'm probably going to make the giant cuddly Toothless, I can probably get by Joanns tomorrow during the fleece sale and pick up some black fleece.
Less good news: I am probably not going to be able to finish the quilt today like I'd intended to, my electrolytes apparently got even more out of whack than my normal, because in addition to regular muscle cramps and spasms I got the smooth muscle cramps again! 0/10 do not recommend, they finally stopped but I am so sore (as my doc explained it to me a while ago, smooth muscles are the ones around your organs, and normally you can't feel them at all. If they cramp or spasm very badly, you can feel them and they hurt real bad because you are not used to feeling them. I am not a doctor that's just what he told me) Good news: Sonic is my go-to Maximum Sodium meal so I'm going to have Sonic for lunch and see if that fixes me lol
#the person behind the yarn#the muscle cramps woke me up at 3am this morning from the pain! I am in significantly less pain now#because they've stopped cramping#but ouch. I did get back to sleep after like an hour#but ow my whole torso is sore from how bad the cramps were#and that's not even counting the other muscle tightness and cramps and spasms#most of the time being sodium georg is only moderately inconvenient but sometimes it's majorly inconvenient#my Sonic meal has more than 3000mg of sodium#that's eight salt pills#that's so much sodium surely it will Fix Me#also to add insult to injury when I am having a flare up like that the pain makes me sweat#which loses MORE salt#and it's like dang it me! I need that salt! stop sweating!
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I've been so fully invested in this spies are forever x severance au that I just had to write something for it. I'm not sure if I'll post it on ao3, all four people who are into spyverance are already beloved mutuals, but here's a little drabble based on this conversation between @szollibisz and @missholloween that I haven't been able to stop thinking about
"Curt... what are you doing?"
Shit. Curt glanced up at the mirror, but he didn't need to see Owen lingering in the doorway to know it was him. That strange lilting accent had been rattling around in Curt's head ever since he'd first heard it crackling over the intercom.
Curt scrambled to figure out something else-- anything else-- to tell him, but he had a dull pair of office scissors in one hand and half his beard was in the bathroom sink, so he figured he was already busted.
"I just-- uhhh--" And what could he say? That three days ago the new hire, fresh off another failed escape attempt, had mockingly told Curt that he'd be handsome if it wasn't for the beard? That he'd spent three days just thinking the word shave over and over again, hoping his outie would somehow get the message? That for some fucking reason he cared about the opinion of a man who had been nothing but trouble ever since he arrived on Chimera's severed floor?
He couldn't say that. So instead Curt silently watched in the mirror as Owen removed his dark brown suit jacket and folded it carefully over the top of a bathroom stall, unbuttoning the sleeves of his crisp white shirt to roll them up to just below his elbows.
"Alright, let's see it then."
Curt sighed and finally turned to face him.
Owen's brow furrowed. His lips made a tight line, one finger pressed up against them like he thought it might be enough to hide that smirk on his face.
"We don't have any razors here..." Curt heard the whine in his voice as he trailed off, staring at a spot on Owen's collar to avoid meeting his eyes.
"Mm." Owen nodded, stepping in toward him until Curt was practically leaning up against the sink. "May I?"
God, he was close. Close enough that Curt could smell his aftershave, or cologne, or whatever he wore that smelled so good.
Curt managed to look up at him, and the bathroom felt smaller somehow.
Owen's eyes traveled down to Curt's hand, his palm outstretched, those long, slender fingers wiggling expectantly until Curt finally figured out what he wanted.
"Y'know, last time I gave you something you almost split my head open with it," Curt said, placing the handle of the scissors in Owen's hand, "So if you could do me a favor and--"
Owen held his free hand up in front of him, "I will try my level best not to break the skin this time."
"You get one," Curt warned, only half-joking. He still had a scar on his forehead from the mug Owen had launched at him. "Next time I hit back."
"Noted."
Suddenly Owen's fingers were tipping Curt's jaw up, his thumb pinching onto Curt's chin to tilt his head.
Curt tried to remember the last time another person had touched him. There had been a handshake with Cynthia a few weeks earlier. But Curt had to formally request it, and it had been every bit as uncomfortable as he expected.
Tatiana hugged him once, not long before her unexpected departure. And thinking back on it, that was the only other time Curt could remember someone touching him on purpose.
With his chin tilted up, and Owen hovering over him with pursed lips and those dull scissors, it was hard to avoid looking directly at Owen's face.
And that wasn't a problem for him, really. Because Curt found that he liked looking at Owen's face. The crooked grin that peeked through on the rare occasion where he wasn't scowling. Large, deep-set amber eyes that always seemed to be looking for an exit. Eyebrows that twisted and wriggled almost as much as Owen's hands did when he spoke.
Owen made him feel... something. Which was unnerving, because most of the time Curt couldn't feel anything but numb. Numb and nauseous, sweating and shaking more and more as the hours ticked by. His mouth was dry and his head was sore, and every day was the same boring bullshit in the same boring place.
And when Owen moved his hand away to begin cutting, Curt desperately wanted to pull it back down and press it against his skin. To feel that churning in his gut, that pressure in his chest. Feel the way his heart raced and he could hardly catch his breath. Feel something.
Owen's eyes narrowed, and he wasn't looking at Curt's jaw anymore, and just for a second Curt wondered if Owen felt something too.
But it was just a flicker, so brief that it might have been a trick of the light.
"We could--" Curt jolted out of his thoughts as Owen spoke again, "Do try and stay still, love," he tutted.
"Sorry, I was..." Curt didn't know what he was doing anymore. "What were you going to say?"
Owen glanced up, scanning Curt's face quickly and uncertainly before getting back to work.
"I was going to say that if you're really that desperate for a change, we could always botch this. Give him--" Owen flicked his eyes toward the ceiling, "no choice but to shave it all off."
"Does it really look that bad? I thought it looked kinda... cool?" Curt said hopefully. His hands were shaking, but he tried to keep his voice even.
Owen's head bent down, tilted low enough that Curt couldn't see his eyes. His skin prickled as he braced himself for Owen to laugh at him or insult him. But instead Owen's voice came out unexpectedly soft and quiet.
"I think it would be an awful shame for you to hide yourself away."
That felt like something too. But before Curt could comment on it (not that he could think of anything to say), Owen had resumed cutting.
"So that was a 'no,' on the sabotage idea, I take it?" Owen said lightly, like nothing had happened. So maybe nothing had happened, at least not for him.
Curt took a breath, louder and more ragged than he intended. "Nah. He grew this beard, so he's probably already lost the will to live--" Owen chuckled at that, "I don't want to push him over the edge."
"You're far more merciful than I."
"Clearly." Curt laughed. Owen had threatened to chop his own fingers off as a threat to his outie, so the bar was admittedly pretty low.
"Well, if you won't allow me to take chunks out of it, I suppose my work is done here." Owen smiled, just slightly. His hand returned to Curt's face, brushing off the hair he had just trimmed.
Owen's hand lingered on Curt's chin, two fingertips barely touching Curt's cheek, and Curt's heart was beating so loudly that he could hardly hear himself think. They were only a couple of inches apart now, and he wondered if Owen could hear it too.
Owen swallowed thickly. There was something in his eyes. Something more than a flicker. Something definite.
That was when Curt realized that his hand was on Owen's hip.
He quickly snatched his hand away, his mouth already trying to form an apology that his mind hadn't come up with yet. He tried to put space between them, but Owen had backed him up into the sink and there was no place left to go.
Owen stumbled backwards. His face contorted painfully as his back connected with the far wall of the bathroom.
"Owen, I--"
But he was out the door before Curt could finish.
And there he was, alone again, shaking, with nothing but the blue tile walls and the blue tile floors, and one dark brown jacket.
#i stayed up until 1:10am working on this instead of going to sleep. because i make good choices#anyways can I just say how fucking wild it is to write a curtwen first flirtation scene without internalized homophobia??#writing two guys who have no memory of being with each other or anyone else or even being kissed? but still trying to make it curtwen#because ooohh boy that was hard but so much fun#totally different set of weirdness for them#also thinking very hard about the implication that innies and outies are still connected subconsciously#(Irvings paint dreams. Mark and the scented candle)#and whether something like cologne or touch could provoke feelings they cant even remember the context for#anyways I am losing my mind over this au#spyverance
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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idk why people think that just because they’re good friends with someone means they should be in a relationship… like. i’m SORRY you like me more than all your other friends now… can’t it just be good that we’re good friends??????? why does that automatically mean that we have to be life partners??????????
#idk… it’s just so frustrating#i try SO hard to be a good friend and this is what i get#i don’t identify with aromantic as a label bc 1) my feelings are too fluid for labeling and 2) i am skeptical of romantic love as a concept#but that is functionally where i am right now#i really can’t understand why anyone would feel this way#i get crushes on people too but it’s funny - it’s like a joke#like when i had a crush on my coworker-in-law and then had a dream about saving him from drowning#that was fucking hilarious#and i in no way want an actual THING with him#i consider my potential compatibility with a lot of my friends but that doesn’t mean i’m serious or actually want to be with them#it’s just an exercise#good practice for the future#i have WAY too much going on to be losing sleep over liking someone#i’m not in middle school anymore#and i didn’t even do that in middle school honestly…#just tiring… very tiring…
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I can think of a lot of reasons why I like and have gotten attached to tsukasa more than any other fictional character and i think if i had to keep it simple (or else id be rambling for hours) id say
1. He’s so interesting. I usually pick up the extremely mischaracterized blonde characters anyways but he gets my brain working real hard. its almost 2am and i cant think straight but theres something about his duality that keeps me glued to him and the amount of Layers he has and how removing even one layer or completely ignoring how both his huge ego and kindness + selflessness coexist can really mess up your perception of him. There was something quite short i wrote about how both sides make him. Well. Him. back when his colofes dropped since i was so annoyed at the people Not getting it (while most never even read the STORIES 😁) anf ive been screaming this for a year now Please. Also the way his dream and being a good big brother go hand in hand have captured me. I really like fictional siblings and they fill something personal i miss and Looove looking at the roots of characters. Discovering where this and that and connecting events to what started their behaviors or helped their personality bloom. So seeing saki and toya play such an important role in his life keeps me HOOOKEDDD. I took the bait like tiny fish. Dont regret it. Never will. I like my fictional characters like layered cake. Thats basically how i see them. I had a yummy chocolate cake with so mant layers the other day 🤤 but anyways. I also really like when characters have to learn and grow as people after making really bad mistakes or being straight up assholes so it really took a while even after mainstory but once i got to see more of him with saki and read dazzling i was like. This is the guyyy. Youre mine now lets go. I dont like perfect characters but.. you see.. when characters who have (sometimes way too much) confidence and are dramatic yet are shown to truly be good people who enjoy making others happy… alright.. now im listening… Sign me up…
But really he has almost everything I’ve ever looked for in a character. Starting with the fact that he’s a theatre kid. And blonde. Of course emu nene and rui + more fictional characters have made their way into my heart and ive gotten attached to them on very Very personal levels but when it comes to this Idiot who wants to be a star and reminds me of a dog its something that i dont even know how to explain sometimes. Why is he here? What are you doing inside of my head. Ill never have one solid answer because he takes up too much space in my mind and i become incoherent too often when talking about him.
2. Ignoring my first answer, He is ugly. My favorite punching bag. Cartoon character. Begins floating when he smells pie. I dont know anymore
3. he just like me fr (Which is terrible i dont like that)
#if any part of this doesnt make sense or isnt rightpleass correct me#This is what i mean by tsukasa makes me lose my mind#I really cannot think straight when it comes to this show freak#3. Is more of a complicated thing. I dont Actually hate relating to him im joking but uhh#idk how to explain this i mean theres still a Lot that makes us very VERY different uhh#i think sometimes its just a little bit of annoyance like Why him. Why is it always the egotistical blonde ones#also i wouldnt say relating to him as much as i do right now is that bad (although i am much more self aware than him so. Yeah sometimes#I get annoyed with myself as well) i think its just the way ive been treated like i AM him before because of how much i do#Like guys. Come on now i get seeing people as their pfps or fav characters but thats a bit much#And theres plenty of other characters i relate to#Anyways ignoring rant in tags#I need to sleep. Right now. I cant believe i stayed up just to talk about little freak Tsukasa Tenma#ramble#rant#might delete later#tsukasa tenma#tenma tsukasa#wxs tsukasa#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#idk what im yapping about#yapping#tsukasa pjsk#tsukasa#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#shouldve kept this in drafts AAHH!!!!!
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