#I am hurteding

[matthewmoorwood]

The cycle of abuse that all the Farseers go though oh I'm ILL.

horrific of Robin Hobb to make me suffer through the agony of Fitz's childhood of trauma and pain and then show me Fitz trying to help Dutiful navigate HIS trauma and pain. Fucking fuck.

Both of them had their first Wit bond be one of the worst things to ever happen to them.

Nothing breaks my heart like how much the cat earnestly loves Dutiful like she just wants to hunt and get her fur brushed :C

It's so sick how ultimately Nighteyes and the cat are so similar because Fitz and Duitiful are so similar, both of them want equally to be beasts and also be loved yet because of who they're bonded to they are forced into a life in which that can never be possible.

I'm so sick and ill and dying and suffering over these characters MAAAN.

Fitz is going THROUGH it watching Duitiful be abused for the singlular crime of being uneducated. If anyone actually cared about the fucking Farseer children beyond what they can do for the Six Duchies then they would've stoppped pretending like the entire bloodline isn't drenched in Skill and Wit like GUYS.

Time and time again we're shown that neglecting these truths leads to so much harm and yet everyone is like "haha what if it continued anyway"

Regal, Chade, and Verity you will ANSWER for your fucking crimes >:C

RAAH.

It's not even Fitz's fault that he wasn't a 'good dad' because my guy was literally sexually assaulted into having a son. Like fuck dude. I wouldn't want to live my life in Buckkeep trauma town either! Even if I wasn't fake killed!

Also horrible that Beloved who thinks he's to blame for everything that Fitz has ever been through is so content to die for the small reason that it MIGHT make Nighteyes live a little longer and thus mean he hurts Fitz a little less is SICK AND TWISTED.

Fuck you Peladine all my homies fucking hate Peladine.

OH YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK

I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW THAT THE DOMESTIC FUCKING FITZ AND NIGHTEYES FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING SCENES WERE BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT HAVE THEY NOT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH????

HAVE THEY NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH??? BROTHER!!!!!!

Also. Bro. Starling. I thought u were chill. Like not chill to lie to Fitz that was fucked but now. Ugh. I'm so exhausted I just. Ugh. I literally need to have a big sleep and probably a cry to process this fucking book.

I swear to god I'm gonna rip all my hair out. Like Fitz CANT tell my guy Duitiful who he is, but at the same time its gonna be shitshow when he finds out.

I'm actually so fucking diseased.

Though I will say it is a balm for the soul watching Duitiful try to interact with Fitz his weird fake magic dad and Fitz's equally weird nobleman husband. He's probably like Dang, two father figures for the price of one.

I don't even. What I do. I just need a a sleep.

[doebt]

tbh I really feel like a bystander to my own life rn. like the past 3 months ESPECIALLY the past 1 month and extra especially the last week..I really hate it

[pikabite]

I think reboot tai might be lighter than 01

[butterflieshurt-ia]

@solhcir asked: ......."mourn me." (punz & stella IM SORRY AHEAD OF TIME)

Leave a “Mourn Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character mourning your character’s death.

(backstory for everyone besides ava who may read this, basically gothel broke into the castle with the barrier being down and took stella to use her for her healing magic)

It had been weeks since the incident. Weeks of looking everywhere, high, low, every single inch of Auradon possible, every single inch of the Isle possible... It almost seemed as though Gothel and Stella had disappeared into thin air, but that was impossible. They had to be somewhere...

Left with no other option, they had taken to asking around the Isle kids, if anyone knew of anywhere Gothel visited frequently, of any kind of secret hideouts she may have... And finally, like a shining beacon of hope, one of the kids had revealed Gothel had a hideout buried deep within the Isle that not many people knew about. The only reason they knew about it was because they had used to work for Gothel...

This was where they were headed now. Rapunzel felt her heart hammering in her chest, she was worried, beyond worried. Of course she would be, her baby girl was gone, but it was so much more than that... If Gothel had truly managed to convince Stella to use her magic, Rapunzel knew the very serious consequences that could be faced if Stella did too much with it. She knew the dangers that were they, but she tried to reassure herself. Tell herself that Stella was fine. She had to be fine.

They had arrived at their destination, looking between Eugene and Cass, Rapunzel gave an affirmative nod, bracing herself... For having to see Gothel again, of course. There was nothing to brace herself for with Stella, because Stella was fine. She had to be fine. 

It took a few tries, but they managed to get the door open, quickly rushing in.

“Stella?!”

“Stella?!”

“Stella?!”

All three of them called out Stella’s name, and as soon as they did, they heard a wicked laugh come from behind them. Rapunzel was the first to whip around, seeing Gothel and instantly her blood ran cold. Without even a second of hesitation, she stalked forward, grabbing Gothel by the front of her collar and slamming her against the wall. From beside her, she saw Cass unsheathe her sword and point it at Gothel, the look in her eyes daring her to move. If the situation wasn’t so dire, Rapunzel would applaud Cass on how well she seemed to be handling herself.

“Where the hell is my daughter?” Rapunzel demanded through gritted death, her tone cold, a look in her eyes one she knew Gothel had never seen before. If she had been paying more attention, maybe she would’ve noticed the fact that Gothel’s hair had started to grey, that there were a few wrinkles. Much how she would usually look in Rapunzel’s younger years if too many days had gone by without a healing incantation.

Gothel just smirked at her, another laugh escaping her. “She’s in that room over there, but I warn you, what you see in there may not be exactly what you’re expecting.” There was a cold look in her eye, and something felt very unsettling, but Rapunzel tried to ignore it. Instead she let go of Gothel and made her way over to the room Stella was apparently in, hardly hearing the comment Gothel made to Cass in the background. Something about how would she really stab her own mother?

She reached out to turn the doorknob of the room, when suddenly a hand stopped her, covering her own and pulling it away. Confused she looked up to realize it was Eugene, and she sent him a questioning glance.

“Just... let me go first, okay? Please.” 

She wanted to argue, but there was something in his tone, in his face, that made her slowly nod, backing up a little to let him in front. 

She waited with bated breath as he made his way in front and reached out for the knob, slowly turning it and pushing the door open. He stepped in and....

What happened next, she would never forget. A strangled cry came from inside the room. From Eugene, and immediately she surged forward, but again she was stopped by him. She didn’t look at his face, she couldn’t, but he held her by her shoulders. 

“No. No. Don’t go in there. Rapunzel.”

But she shook her head, pushing past him...

“NO!” 

The scream that came from her was louder than she’d ever screamed in her life, it re-vibrated around the walls of the hideout, was probably loud enough to be heard across the whole Isle, all of Auradon. 

“No. No. No. No. No! NO! NO!” 

The sight that sat before her, it couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be real. It had to be some sick sort of joke, or maybe a nightmare. But it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. There was no way life was going to be that cruel. There was no way this had actually happened to her.

She walked forward, her whole body feeling heavy. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel.

This couldn’t be happening.

She dropped down to her knees. Next to Stella. She slowly gathered her in her arms, cradling her against her chest. 

“No... No. Please. Stella? Stella, baby girl, please, please look at me. Please, it’s mama, mama’s here, mama’s here. You need to open your eyes. Come on, baby, you can do it. Please. Please. Please, Stella, baby, please. Please. I love you. I love you so much, and I need you to do this for me. You always listen to me, why aren’t you listening to me? Stella, baby. Stella. Stella. Please. Please. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Wake up. Please, gods. Please. Baby, I can’t lose you, come on, I need you. I need you so much. Stella. Stella. COME ON. COME ON. WAKE UP! STELLA. PLEASE!”

She’s desperately brushing hair out of Stella’s eyes, tears are pouring out of her eyes. She can’t do this. It can’t be real. Her daughter was every good thing she had ever done in life all rolled into one thing. Her daughter was her heart, her soul, her whole entire goddamn world. She couldn’t lose her. How the hell was she supposed to function without her? How the hell was she supposed to handle this? 

She couldn’t. She couldn’t handle this. Her heart was so beyond broken, so beyond on shattered. It couldn’t even be explained, what she was feeling at the moment. All she knew was that she wasn’t okay, and she would never be again. She would never recover from this. She could never recover from this....

And it was true. In the days to come after this, the months, the years, it was like someone had flipped the light switch off in Rapunzel. She had stopped functioning. Stopped acting like a normal human being. She didn’t smile anymore, didn’t laugh. Hardly talked. Hardly took care of herself. She was practically dead without actually being dead...

But how could someone be alive when their heart was gone?

[xiaoluvrr]

Since twitter is burning up bc Someone finally decided to feed his stans I'll just go on here to complain before i move on with my day, so here we go:

[Spoiler warning, just in case! Trying to keep it spoiler free but it hurts too much]

I have reached book 2 of 2ha n tears r streaming down my face...... the fucken wontons hit the hardest n i actually hate it here . I genuinely cannot believe this god im so fucken sad like aaaaaaaaa n the "sorry, please dont hate shizun" tht shit fucken hurteded im so fucken sad i can literally not even,,, Mo Ran u absolute dumb fuck how can u hate ur shizun HOWWW!!! Now we all cry bc ure fucken blind AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! Bitch better be behaving like a fucken angel after this!!!!!!!!!! I have reached the point where they're abt to enter the underworld n im scared like god what r we abt to meet beyond tht point aaaaaa

Also I'm beginning to doubt every character tht isnt Mo Ran n Chu Wanning like,,,,, Shi Mei's "Um..." before entering the whole process set off Big Doubt Energy n im scared,,,,, god idk how i would react if Xue Meng isnt sincere in his respect for shizun like i think I'd just break down, instant death u kno . Aaaaaaaaaa plot twists can be happening rn but i won't know shit until like 80 chapter later hhhhhhhhhh Meatbun rly be making her(?) readers suffer like this hhhhhhhhhhhh also i wanna make Chinese cuisine now hfff watch me annoy my parents into letting me make the wontons ksbfkfjs

I also have complains abt mlqc bc i cannot for the life of me get tht stupid tree to drop Gavin's wedding karma am so mad grrrr

Anyways, this was Ellie's complaining hour, now time to suffer thru math n then possibly die bc of new mixtape n then die bc of 2ha again, thank u for listening byeeee

[dead-inside-mcgee]

Anti possesing Chase: Here I am, walking my normal human walk.

Anti, stubing his toe on a table: Ah, shit hurteded.

Jackie, a weird ass person to begin with: Haha, I do that.

[pattern-53-enfield]

About what you said about the NRA being more of a detriment than benefit to US gun owners. I have absolutely no hard feelings or butt-hurtedness as I am asking this, but what is your reasoning behind this sentiment? Please go into as much detail as you can.

While a lot of folks like to talk about the NRA being pro-gun control when the Black Panthers exercised their right to carry in 1967, the NRA was that way to begin with. Similar to the "Southern Switch", where southern Democrats became Republicans in order to garner more support, the NRA really changed from what was ostensibly another Civilian Marksmanship Program to the very fervent "gun nuts" of today in 1977. Most believe it was the Gun Control Act of 1968 that started the change, with Harlon Carter and Neil Knox creating the NRA's Institute for Legislative Action and stating the goal of dismantling the GCA. The Firearm Owner's Protection Act, a brainchild of Knox's, was passed in 1986. Knox had been ousted in 1982, and was popular with members but unpopular with the upper echelons for publicly shaming "moderates" within the NRA and using magazines like Shotgun News and Guns & Ammo to stir up public opinion on his behalf. It got bad enough that he was almost made president of the organization in 1997, with last minute changes replacing him with Charlton Heston. Heston was seen as more mainstream, a moderate who had the public presence to counteract Knox's craziness. That was much needed, as this was shortly after George HW Bush's very vocal resignation from the organization after the infamous "jackbooted government thugs" letter sent to members by Wayne LaPierre. This, and the commercialized nature of their official magazine (American Rifleman), created the modern public view of the NRA as arms industry stooges and anti-government nuts. Ironically, they flip-flopped on issues such as universal background checks so often other groups like the Gun Owners of America and National Association of Gun Rights criticized them heavily during Barack Obama's administration. They're willingness to spread the outlandish "Obama's gonna take your guns!"-style rhetoric didn't do them any favors. While they still have mostly good intentions, and an improving public image, things like the silence over Philando Castile's unlawful murder and the most recent Dana Loesch video controversy really do not help anyone.Basically, this block of text means that the average gun owner is inexorably linked with the NRA, and every time the NRA screws up, the blame is laid at the feet of that average gun owner.

[sabsayspeacelovebullshit]

Planet Z - Part One

I’ve been toying with whether or not to share this journey because I realize the stir it may cause in a population severely plagued with chronic butt-hurtedness where you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. Given that I can’t win either way I choose damned if I do, because someone somewhere (I think) is still interested in what I write. Thank you. I salute you. I should warn you if you’re committed to reading this, it may be long, it may be slightly controversial, and it may have an overall “what the fuck” undertone. Sorry, I’m not sorry.

On November 22 I took my last dose of Zoloft. In the spirit of Thanksgiving that night I said Thank you, for nothing, and popped my last pill.

Before I go on it’s important to note the following:

I am not a doctor. I am in no way a medical professional and I am not equipped to guide any individual on how to address their mental health and well-being. This is my story. This is how I choose to continue my treatment based on how my life and health has played out up to this point. DO NOT under any circumstance make any changes to your medication without the supervision of your medical and psychiatric providers.

Now there’s a lot to be covered in this “article” if we even want to call it that, but the question that is probably crossing your mind right now is “why is she writing about this?” The answer is because up until now, no one ever wrote about it. No one ever talked about it. Since my first (documented) panic episodes at thirteen years old, I had nothing but what was fed to me by my family and a team of medical professionals who said take this, talk to the person with the pad, breathe deeply, be happy.

And so, here I am, having spent 40% of my life on a family of medications that I feared living without; because I was told I needed them. Because my mom told me I needed them. Because doctors, the professionals, told her I needed them. The one thing they left out however, is what these drugs could do to my mind and my body in the long run. The past year and a half after having my daughter has been consumed with trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I’m living the healthiest lifestyle I ever have, but physically, I’ve never felt worse. On paper, I’m doing everything “right” and every doctors visit has ended with “this is just what can happen after you have a baby.” Until the day I finally asked, “could my Zoloft be contributing to my symptoms and overall feeling of COMPLETE ASS” and I was met with an “absolutely.”

Excuse me as I go hide in a corner and motherfuck the last fifteen plus years of my existence.

I think the look on my face was enough to lead my doc into the regurgitation of “ya know, stubborn weight that doesn’t seem to come off, chronic inflammation, joint and muscle pain, decrease in libido, headaches, can all stem from the medication…” The list and the lackadaisical delivery continued but at that point I was all consumed with the sirens going off in my head as I was starting to piece my symptoms together with different periods of my life and trying to figure out why was I being prescribed these in the first place? I “came to” around her closing statement about weighing the risks of being on an SSRI or something similar, versus the risks of not being on one.In that moment I decided my next appointment would be to close the chapter, shit the BOOK, someone else wrote for me.

I can’t reiterate enough that this decision is not a small one and hell may even end up being the wrong one, but it’s one that I needed to make and pursue for me and have done so under my doctors supervision. I don’t believe, in my situation, that the risks of being without these pills outweigh the risks of what they’ve already done to me, mentally and physically.

I think it’s important to know where I come from and where I’ve been, to understand where I am and why this is the choice I’ve made. The beginning is probably the best place to start. I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression disorder at thirteen when I ended up in the hospital a handful of times over what was initially thought to be seizures. I remember vividly being on the school bus on the way home from a field trip, Salem I think, when it felt like electric shock going through my arms and my legs. My hands started shaking and my feet started tapping and I remember just wishing the bus would go faster. Just get me home.

The bus dropped me off at the usual stop where my grandfather would be waiting to take me to my grandparents house. The shaking got more severe and the 3 minutes it took to get from my bus stop to the house felt like an eternity. I fell on the couch as soon as I got there. I didn’t know what was happening to my body but I felt out of control and I asked my grandmother to call my mom. The shaking escalated to full blown spasms of my legs and arms that I couldn’t stop and all I could do was cry and let my body do whatever it was it was doing. I was terrified.

My mom got there as fast as she could and when her holding me couldn’t get the spasms to stop we went to the hospital. I didn’t know how to answer her when she asked me what happened because the answer was nothing. Nothing happened that day. I was just a kid on the bus on the way home from a field trip. I didn’t know how to answer the doctors when they asked me how I was feeling because all I was feeling was scared. To be honest, I don’t remember much of the hospital. What I do remember is that I was given Ativan, and enough of it that the most beautiful butterfly landed on my dad’s nose.

Then I was home.

To be continued…

Xox PLB         

[ffr-i-ck-blog]

tard sitted and he lokeded at to the sunfall and say "that pretty very romance" juts then he sawed ZOMBIES!!!!! "we eats yous tord arseson" they saided and trdo sayeded "you cans tryed to do that" and karateed shot thems in their heats. "we eated yous!" the zamboos scriemed but bord was kongers. "i wall kileled yus!!" he sayed but there was to to many zambsi so he runned baks hoem to toem. knock oknoc the door toem openwed the door and sayed to fork "i am foam who is you" and kork saided back to him "i is clord i needs yours help to defeated te evil ombs who want killed me!" and tem sayed "come ine home!" and turd came. "i will helped yous but you musts make sex wit me or i wont not help you!1" toerd thoughted it was ulgy make sex to pinpple person but he sayed anyway "okay let do it" and he dropped his ropoe to the ground and then they have sax for 10 house and it was GUUUUUUUUUD. later eafter sec cummie and toms go killed zombies by kawained chiop cjopping them.but tog had hurteded by zombie gyuys and TURD WAS RAGE!!. cummie killed thems wit his magumnum dingus then saided to tum "i ill thems all for you dont be gones!" and tomato got up and sayd "thanks yous trded" and tord sayed back "lets hav some fukc now" tim moaneded and he sexed twwat and all was tobe happy!

[doochebag-blog1]

happy first month of love

[[play: God must have spent a little more time on you - boyce avenue]]

maraming dumaang oras, araw, buwan, at pangyayari, it was hard and complicated but all i could say it was the best. when we got seperated gago akala mo nag-divorce hahaha de ano never na ko nag-isip ng tayo. sinubukan kong wag nang matuon yung pansin ko sayo, pero tang ina mo ginugulo mo talaga puso at isip ko. lalo akong nahirapan when u got a new girl gago i felt hurteded oo hurteded kasi doble sakit charot, ang hirap non pero kaya ko pa naman. when t and i broke up shocked ako piniem mo ko the day after the break up wala akong idea na doon na pala start non. so ayun shocked ulit ako na wala na kayo idk what to feel or do basta nagaganon ako hahahaha. so ayun na nga at first gusto ko talaga lumayo sayo kasi gusto ko muna mag-move on tas kapag nag-stay pa rin feelings ko sayo edi gora na, pero hindi ko nagawa kasi hindi kita kayang layuan. ewan ko, para kang magnet bwict kapag nadikitan ka na hirap mo ng layuan. weeks passed, may pagbabago at habang tumatagal ayoko ng mawala ka ok ang corny pero totoo talaga to ok at ayon konting push pa at pak. ayun na, nandito na tayo. tayo na. 

thank you, thank you for everything. thank you kasi ikaw si lars. thank you for the smile, laughter, kilig, and such. thank you for cheering me up, brighten up my days and nights, securing me for everything. God knows how grateful i am. thank you for not giving up on me kahit ka-give up give up. you deserve the best and ill give it to you i promise  

im sorry, im sorry for hurting you i let you down tangina ko ang gago ko kasi. im sorry na hindi ako yung best gf pero ill try to be ok im sorry kung masyado akong selosa or mahigpit im sorry hehe

tandaan mo lagi, i am always here. i can be your best friend, shoulder, partner in crime, your everything. and i hope maging open na tayo ok gawin nating sandalan yung isat isa. i know hindi natin matutulungan isat isa fully pero atleast we’re open kasi thats really important sa isang relationship. i want you to know that im so in love with you, that i love everything about you including your flaws or imperfections idfc. ikaw na lang nakikita ko seryoso gagi la na kong pake sa iba tapos ano you make me feel na ang ganda-ganda ko kahit hindi, nahuhulog ako lalo promise!!! ineexpose mo gums ko gigil mo coe. i love you. i love you. i love you. words arent enough to express how much i love you. and please, wag nating sukuan yung isat isa pwede ba yon? lalo na kapag may probs ahead of us, lalo na lang tayong kumapit pwede ba yon? tangina i cant fucking lose you, not you. i want us to last so do me a favor. im sorry hindi ganoon kahaba not really good in writing but i am all yours and i love you so much

happy first monthsary, milab  ♡

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so sex?