#I am gonna miss her so bad
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32 days
#Another seemingly random countdown starts#Im going to greece for an excavation#And I won't see My gf for a month#I am gonna miss her so bad#Fuck long distance i did it once and I hate it#poul's shitposts
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let it be known that i love prince inigo with my whole soul. however sometimes it is SO much fun to think about owain and his two most loyal-est knights you ever seen: worst guy in the world #1 and worst guy in the world #2. i love retainer inigo and severa so much. retainers who bully you and make fun of you and trash on you but they’d leave behind everyone and everything they ever knew to follow you and protect you in a whole new universe. they love you so much that they’d swear allegiance to total strangers but that loyalty pales in comparison to what they’d do for you. and they were all lovers!!!!!!!
#ann plays awakening#awakening trio#sometimes i forget owain is literal royalty and like#in the bad timeline hes probably like. the second most important person there?? unless luci has a sibling#obviously she’d need her own retainers but unfortunately i am thimking awakening trio thoughts. i miss. i love them in any form#that they are handed to me#i love them as best friends. as forced circumstance allies to family. as lovers.#i know i said lovers in this post but im not sure they’d ever label it as that#to me its very much ‘its not exactly romantic but its too intense to be platonic’#what i am getting at is queer platonic awakening trio btw. in case that wasnt obvious#like no matter who they are or where they go they are eachothers people dude. like literally do not separate#anyways im gonna be thinking long and hard about who should be everyones parents in this timeline#i have what i call my ‘main’ pairings and thats what i use for most of my headcanons (ex prince inigo)#but i’d like a completely separate one for owain retainer trio#i think im pretty set on fred!severa#i couuuldddd pick fred!inigo which i do think is SUPER compelling as well but something about freddy!severa… also shes so cute as a brunette#like sorry… shes just so beautiful#ive been having a lot of thoughts aboht tharj!inigo and i need to figure out if thats current bias talking or if im cooking with that one#i got no idea who owain’s second parent should be. robin maybe? idk#i mean his second parent isnt quite as impactful in regards to trio dynamics in this case just because he’s always the prince but. idk#i really like the idea of half plegian owain but i ALWAYS run half plegian owain cuz im always pairing lissa with robin or henry so its like#this isnt new 😭😭😭 but god. PLEGIAN OWAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#hm. though. hear me out. manakete owain???????????????? ehhh????#sorry. idk. i love how changing the parents of the second gen can change their characterization. its like my favorite thing ever#i think its why im so attached to all of them. theres always new things to explore with them!!! its so much fun!!!!!!#graaarfggjjjhhhhhhn!!!!
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Humansona for Silvi, Fischer's Turaco. Design explanations under the cut
Goodnight sweet prince
#this is probably the most personal thing I'll post related to my irl life lol#what if i just started drawing solely humansonas for all my birds lol#mispelled draws#misp draws#humansona#turaco#Fischer's turaco#man every time i post something thats not fandom art i realize i dont know how to tag#uhhhhhhh#art#art??#am i doing this right?#artists on tumblr#birds#bird art#i give up on tags#anyway#if you've read this far#he was the specialest bird ive ever met and im gonna miss her so bad#i already do
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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me watching the first 11 episodes: 😐
me when bunnies: omg bunnies !! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
#i am actually betraying bestie whatching this without her#im sorry#ily#i dont even know why im watching this#i dont like shonen#i dont like fighting scenes#i dont even care about the jujutsu lore#i love megumi tho#jujutsu kaisen#megumi fushiguro#yuji itadori#itafushi#is that their ship name ????#i hope not#it sounds so bad lmao#bunnies#s2e11#anime#screenshots#jjk#can someone tell me if sukuna is gonna show up this season ?#i miss them#also yuuta is he is this season ?
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"You know that I want you And you know that I need you"
#crow's scribbles#revue starlight#nana daiba#junna hoshimi#junnana#happy birthday nana get yaoi'd!#hello again w these two lmaoooo#trying to use limited color palettes as well so... but i wanted to color this “normally” as well so i did both#the second version took me SO LONG. it's not nana's bday anymore in my time cause im staying up lol#i wanted to do my more complex lighting w that one but i didnt want to finish it at. like. 3:00 AM.#lyrics are from bad romance by miss gaga btw! i was stuck on dirty desire by utada or obsessed by mariah carey but i went w bad romance!#im planning on drawing nozomi and eli like this w the same orange lighting... i already did that w yukaqueso so. yeah#what's junna's bday present for her? idk man you can decide that one#anyway im gonna stop rambling before i reach tag limit! happy birthday nana hope you enjoy junna's present idk--
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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There's so much I want to write and so much I want to read, but I can't fully engage with much of anything right now and it's killing me😭
#so many fic ideas! i thought about a zuri x farah one with zuri doing her hair#and them talking about their experiences regarding their hair and how its perceived#i wrote my general thoughts down on it and it would be !!!#so interesting!!#(especially since things concerning race aren't really... there in game ig - and idk if i want it to be for a variety of reasons)#(but exploring it with them could be !!!!!!!)#i thought of a mini series of zuri and adam going on drives together as their relationship progresses#i also wanna write something with zuri and bobby after the events of book 3#with bobby seeking her out with more genuine intentions than he does in book 2 and contrasting the two#i wanna write a few scene rewrites just for just#and there are so many fics i wanna read! i've missed so many of them and they all seem so interesting and fun#but i am suffering💀#i'm in a different country for an extended period of time (for me at least) when i really didn't want to be#(travelling in general isn't really for me - not when my parents 'plan' it)#i'm struggling to sleep because it's not my bed and i am constantly aware that its not my bed#all my energy is going into being as okay as i can be while counting the days until i can go home#(and i know as soon as i'm on the plane i'm gonna feel like this wasn't so bad so i dislike that it still mostly feels like it is)#and i forgot to take the pill for days now so my period just started for the second time this month💀💀#make it stop PLEASE#this ended up being a more personal rant but like UAUSGSH#i just need it to be over#chichi.txt
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Have voted for flippa (ofc), can I mayhaps have a chibo doodle
he can't believe they're BOTH undead and transgender. pretty n1fty c01nc1d3nc3!! ^_%
‼️ vote for either flippa or grizzly in the transmcytshowdown and send proof to get a little doodle of your request ‼️
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#jrwi#chip#chip jrwi#quality is only gonna get MORE destroyed by tumblr my bad chief 🙏🙏 anyway i miss my little undead bastard#where is he. where is my 1/3 co-captain#uhh anyway little details.... chibo has a single feather in his hat that he plucks from jay everytime she uses her wings#and also gillion gave him a shell like once and never again but he held onto it and painted it gilly colors so he could have it on his hat#oh !! and polypirate matching rings around his neck#thats about it though. skin peeling and gray from being undead#little kuba kenta scars across his chest#the hole in his heart just like the hit song by gillion and the tidestriders#and a golden k-9 and molar because i said so ^_^ thats about it#posting this at 2:43 in the morning with school the next day godbless and godspeed soliders i am going to continue the requests#TOMORROW !!!!!! :DD
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DONT SAY THIS TO ME QUEEN PLEASE IM ACTUALLY DYING HERE
#just a load of garbage#this GIRL#GOD#i CANNOT tell if she's joking half the time#i know this is a joke i know this is a joke i know this is a joke i know this is a joke i know this is a joke i know this is a joke#i kinda hope its not#I DIDN'T SAY THAT#dude i miss her so bad like im not gonna survive this break#god im hopeless#but she is too so its fine#i wonder how she'd react if i told her i like her#i genuinely am not sure
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when will my wife return from the war
#jurassic world#claire dearing#mine#imiss her so bad im gonna start crying fro real#I AM AUTISM#I HAVE SOOOO MUCH AUTISM#i miss my wife sonic#i really miss her#i think i miss my wife
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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game
#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party#would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful#temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor#osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on#throné . girlie im so sorry#i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3#do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food#i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho#same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her#who am i missing .. CASTTI#shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god#and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era#would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way#.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what#also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it#i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine#his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined#wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag
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nononononono they're not allowed to say Silksong got a rating in Australia and THEN announce an Indie World. this isn't okay. This is NOT OKAY.
edit: this aged like milk nevermind 🤡
#I'm going to become the most annoying person#more than I already am#hollow knight#hollow knight silksong#guys I need this game so bad I need my girl Hornet to come back I miss her..........#if they're playing with us I'm gonna be so upset yall
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it's been a while since i've cried hard enough to have a headache but. sure got there today, babes!
#ghost speaks#personal#ripped my favorite tights i've had for 5+ years and can't replace#can't return my glasses#got ptsd triggered by going past my old church because i took a wrong turn because i was. crying about not being able to return my glasses#have been crying for a solid 40 minutes straight#am still incredibly aware of how isolated and lonely i am#my parents are on vacation so i won't see a friendly face or get a hug till sunday night at the earliest#just. doing BAD#(well. there is the faint hope that the office manager will take pity on me since her office literally cannot manufacture lenses#that will meet my needs)#(but considering i spent a lot of the last hour yelling and begging out loud trying to work out a maximally sympathetic pitch)#(and also dreading 1-2 years of not having transition lenses because theirs fuck with my color vision)#(i'm not sure the hope makes things. better?)#i am gonna. make hot chocolate because it sounds like a marginal improvement over crying without that#the last time i couldn't stand up or i'd start crying harder was yesterday but boy did i not miss it#i thought i might feel better in the morning. ha. ha ha. ha#(like i know this is temporary i'm just. i just. i am so tired and SO stupidly ridiculously incredibly upset)#(like my emotional equilibrium right now is. not)
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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eughhh i feel dumb
#one of my best friends is coming over and ive been ghosting them (like pretty much everyone) for a couple months#and i think im reading into it too much but it seems like shes upset with me? idkk but i don't wanna ask bc if she IS mad at me that means#we have to talk about it and im Not in the right state for that atm#she has every right to be upset just like everyone else but i really dont want her to be#both bc i love her and them and i don't want to hurt them and bc i honestly don't wanna have to answer for it#'yeah every time smth even remotely resembling obligation comes up my skin feels like it's gonna peel away from its body and scuttle away'#like. i should not be terrified of it but it's like my tendons are splitting and i can't close my fist around anything#it all just slips through my fingers. but i still feel like it's my fault#selfishly i just wish they wouldn't ever bring it up. me taking forever to respond and stuff#i don't really like being teased about it but i can't just hurt them and then ask them not to bring it up yk#even if i don't super feel in control of the whole responding and socializing and functioning thing#i am. really really burnt out i think#but i don't wanna make my friends feel guilty for wanting to be around me bc 1) thats normal 2) thats an honor 3) theyre not doing anything#wrong by like. texting me. it's not their fault it feels so bad#especially since im not telling them bc that is itself an obligation#every reminder of something i have to do has felt physically painful more and more#everything from doing dishes to answering texts to cleaning my room to reading a book my dad likes#every day there's a dozen reminders of how im letting the people i love down and it looks to them like i just don't care enough#and in reality my friends are and have always been understanding. i know that. im just getting really in my head about it rn#it's been building a lot this past year. i thought i was getting better but im just.. really stuck rn#ughh i wish i could cancel. and i hate that bc i miss her and i know she's gotta miss me too but we have to talk about the foster turtle#so i cant back out now. aughhhh it's so dumb i feel so helpless and useless every time i think about anything but what's right in front of#me. ive been running from everything much more consciously lately and it's fucking embarrassing and stupid and basically im just feeling.#really really lame. shitty ass body and shitty ass brain and i don't think anyone really believes me when i blame them and not me#i just have to trust in the goodness of my friends more than the badness of myself for hurting them. two titans clashing#ughh anyway. whatever#i wanna talk to one person in particular bc they don't really make me feel that obligation as much but then im like if i respond to them i#have to respond to everyone else. it's dumb. ugh if you read this acm im thinking of you sorry my brain is being difficult <3
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