#I am aware I am being absurd but I'm having fun and that's all that really matters <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[vaguely-concerned]

...wolf hall!henry viii/cromwell version of the locked tomb pool scene, except that at the end of the book henry cheerfully eats cromwell's soul and chops his head off with all the whim and vigor of ianthe snacking down on babs

[percervall]

it's a bad idea (fuck it, it's fine) — part 1

Summary: your housemates give you an offer you can't refuse. What's the worst that could happen? Pairing: Jenson Button x fem!reader, Fernando Alonso x fem!reader, Sebastian Vettel x fem!reader, Mark Webber x fem!reader Warnings: smut, dirty talk, mild degrading, oral (m and f receiving), face fucking, fingering, slight nipple play, hinting at m/m, mentions of free use, *gasp* and they were room mates Word count: 1.9k

Part 1 of the Fuck It series

The arrangement was, frankly, absurd. Had the offer come from anyone other than Jenson, you would have kicked them so hard they wished you had punched them instead. Part of you hoped he would have forgotten what he had said while heavily under the influence of too much champagne, but luck was not on your side. 

"Have you thought about my offer?" Jenson asks, innocently blowing on his coffee, making you choke on air. 

"The offer in which I pay my rent by, wait let me check my notes. Ah, yes, 'fucking you'," you reply, voice a lot steadier than you feel. Because truth be told, it had been impossible to not fantasise about getting railed into next week by him- by any of them. Oh, you were well aware of how much your life had become the plot of a rom-com ever since your landlord decided to be an absolute greedy bastard. Become a live-in house sitter for 4 millionaires they said, it'll be fun they said. Liars.

"Oh come on, it'll be mutually beneficial," Jenson argued. 

"Proud of you for using your big boy words, pretty boy but how exactly is this gonna end up in anything other than disaster?" 

"He's hungover and a himbo, why are you bullying him?" Mark mutters, voice still rough with sleep as he literally picks you up and unceremoniously plops you down on top of the counter. There are days where you curse your small stature and his strength, especially when it leaves your brain stuttering to process getting manhandled. 

"We'll set rules. All I'm saying is we're all adults-.." You can't help but snort at that. "Fine, whatever. I'm just saying that I've seen the way you look at them, seen the way your eyes flash with lust and I am pretty sure some truly filthy fantasies, and I know I can speak for all four of us when I say we would love to help you realise those. Also, we don't need your rent money and this is just so much more fun." Well then. You just got read for filth before even having had your morning coffee. Fuck him for seeing right through you. 

"Where's your sense of adventure, nena?" Fernando comments, a wicked glint in his eyes.

"Right next to my 'I survived Multi-21' t-shirt," you mutter. It's a low blow, but getting bullied into sleeping with four drivers makes it hard to think.

Mark shoots you a look, eyebrow raised. 

"The mouth on you," he comments, "Seb was very apologetic. Made it up to me in the best possible way. In fact, I should make you apologise to the both of us the same way, sweetheart. On your knees." He whispers the last part in your ear and you cannot contain the whimper that comes out at his thinly veiled threat.

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Being made to kneel and take cock like the good little girl you are, hm?” 

“Mark-..” You have no idea how to respond to that and keep your dignity in tact. You try to look away but Mark takes your chin between his forefinger and thumb.

“I asked you a question sweetheart. Are you gonna be a good girl for us?” His thumb tugs on your bottom lip and all rational thought leaves you as you nod. 

“Mm, knew JB was right about you. Takes one to know one, I suppose.” You can hear a muffled what the fuck’s that supposed to mean? from the living room as Mark helps you down from the counter. You hadn’t even noticed the McLaren teammates had left the kitchen until just now. 

“On your knees, sweetheart,” Mark nudges you and you sink down onto the floor. The small kitchen runner is the only thing protecting your knees from the cold hardwood floor, but the prospect of sore knees is quickly forgotten now that you’re at eye level with Mark’s crotch. You can clearly see the outline of his hardening cock against his shorts and it has your mouth watering. Mark chuckles as he notices the hunger in your eyes.

“You’re lucky Seb is out for a run. Or maybe I’m the lucky one, getting to fuck this mouth all by myself.” The whimper you let out is involuntarily as you eagerly watch him hook his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts, pushing them down far enough to free his cock. You scoot a little closer, taking him in your hand, tongue darting out to lick away the bead of pre-cum. Mark hisses, head thrown back and that’s all the encouragement you need to suck the tip into your mouth. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he says, sounding absolutely wrecked already despite you not even having done anything yet. 

“You said something about fucking my mouth?” Mark looks down at you, pupils completely blown and he grins so wickedly, it leaves you breathless. 

“Are you absolutely sure sweetheart?” As you nod in response, he gathers your hair into a ponytail in his fist, angling your face. “Alright then. Tap my thigh twice if it’s too much and I will stop, okay?” 

“Okay,” you parrot, and move your legs apart ever so slightly to stabilise yourself. Mark drags the tip of his cock across your lips and you open up for him. He slides in, careful to not immediately choke you. You relax your jaw as much as you can, but god it’s been so long since you last did this. Mark sets a slow rhythm, letting the both of you adjust. Looking up at him through your lashes, you can see how he’s trying to hold on to the last shreds of self control, and well. That just won’t do. 

“Mark,” you say, slightly out of breath as you pull back, “you taunted me with using me. So for the love of God, fucking use me.” Mark chuckles and the sound has you aching. He tightens his grip on your hair and slides his cock back into your mouth. Resting your hands on his thighs, you close your eyes as he finally delivers on his promise. The sounds are obscene and if you had a functioning brain cell left, you would have been concerned about the two of you doing this in the kitchen, but as things stand, the only thing you can focus on is Mark’s throbbing cock inching down your throat. Forcing yourself to open your eyes, you look at him as you swallow around him. 

“Fuck. Fuck. I’m not gonna last, sweetheart,” he groans, pulling back. You hollow your cheeks while taking deep breaths through your nose, pulling another string of curses from the Aussie. You can feel his cock throb as he grunts above you.

“Gonna-.. Fuck.. So good, you feel so fucking good..” he mumbles, and throws his head back as he comes. 

“You better not swallow, Schatzi,” comes a voice from the doorway. Who are you to disobey? Mark pulls out carefully, tucking himself back into his shorts while Sebastian helps you up from the floor. He carries you bridal style into the living room, placing you down on the couch next to Fernando. 

“Show Nando, baby,” Sebastian all but coos and you carefully open your mouth. The underlying relationships? Questionmark? between your housemates makes your head spin, but judging by the way Fernando’s eyes darken, Sebastian knows something about the Spaniard you don’t. 

“Can I kiss you, nena?” he asks and all you can do is nod. Fernando cradles your cheek, pressing an almost chaste kiss against your lips before he runs his tongue over the seam of your lips. The moan he lets out as he tastes Mark on your tongue has you throbbing. When you break apart to catch some air, Sebastian leans closer and licks away the few drops of cum that spilled when Fernando kissed you. Am I dreaming? you can’t help but wonder. Out loud apparently.

“Very much awake, doll,” Jenson grins as he kneels in front of you, “Something tells me you’re absolutely soaking. Mind if I give a hand? I do so love making people come with my mouth,” he adds and you’re quick to raise your hips so he can pull down your panties, much to Jenson’s amusement. He pushes your oversized shirt up higher and parts your legs. Sebastian moves your face so he can steal a kiss and you moan into his mouth as Jenson drags the flat of his tongue over your oh so sensitive clit. Their hands are everywhere it feels like. You’re pretty sure Fernando has one up your shirt, teasing your nipple while he kisses your neck. Jenson’s are curled around the inside of your thighs as he holds you open for him while Sebastian has one hand on your cheek as he kisses you; the other mirrors Fernando’s. Needing something to hold on to, you bury a hand in Jenson’s hair. He sucks your clit into his mouth, moaning against your cunt as you tug. Breaking the kiss, you throw your head back with a moan of your own while you grind against Jenson’s tongue. 

“Need.. Fingers.. Please, Jenson, need your-.. Fuck, oh God..” Despite your incoherent state, Jenson understands what it is you’re asking of him as he carefully slides two of his long fingers inside of you. Sebastian and Fernando manage to strip you of your t-shirt, both of them taking a nipple into their mouth. 

“I’m so-.. So close.. I’m gonna cum, please can I cum?” you whimper. Fernando mutters a yes against your skin and something snaps; Your back arches as your orgasm hits you and for a moment you forget how to breathe. The loss of Jenson’s fingers makes you whine but your housemates more than make up for it when Fernando grabs his wrist in order to bring Jenson’s fingers to his mouth, moaning as he tastes you. 

“Just as I thought, you taste delicious nena,” the Spaniard comments with a grin. These men will be the death of me, you can’t help but think while Seb accepts the glass of water Mark hands him. The German driver helps you take a few sips as you slowly return into your body. Something tells you that this only scratches the surface of their underlying dynamics and you are dying to delve deeper.

“Told you it’d be mutually beneficial,” Jenson jokes, pulling you from your thoughts. 

“God, I hate that I’m saying this because your ego is fucking big enough as is-,” you start only for Jenson to interrupt with a that’s not the only thing that’s big, doll which makes you roll your eyes.

“I was gonna agree to your plan, idiot. You proved your point. Twice over. I- eh.. I can see the appeal,” you continue before downing the last of the water. The four men share a look that you can’t quite decipher and it makes you wonder: just what did you exactly sign up for? You pull your shirt back on, suddenly very aware of the fact you’re naked, needing something to act as a barrier between you and this crazy idea. 

“How about we discuss the details after breakfast? Don’t know about you, but I am starving,” Mark breaks the silence. You nod gratefully and let Sebastian pull you to your feet. A part of you is excited to see where this.. arrangement will lead you, but you’re also apprehensive that you might be about to bite off far more than you can chew. 

Welp. Here we go I guess. Updates are gonna be slow on this, so please temper your expectations. Ideas have been brain stormed, things are brewing in the ol' noggin, I just gotta write it 🥲

Massive shoutout to @curiousthyme and @feralnando for helping me brain rot about this and for holding my hand while I descent even further into chaos. This whole part was written while listening to Hozier's Too Sweet and Ethel Cain's Gibson Girl on repeat, so feel free to do with that information as you please

Please let me know what you think. Your comments, likes and tags mean the world to me 💜

taglist

@2pagenumb @dannyramirezwife @daydreaminlewis @emlynblack @forza55 @jaimeleannavanlloman @mehrmonga  @szobosz @raizelchrysanderoctavius @whoreforeveryon

[luciddreamingstuff]

No One Jumps For The Beef

Minecraft Parkour Civilization, why the fuck does this have a grip on me? The kind of hyperfixsation rotting that is all consuming but no idea what to do with. Well my answer to that, and putting the degree I have been slaving over to use (Creative Writing) on why I have been absorbed. Now disclaimer, obviously there are a few issues here and there, I am fully aware, perfection is arbitrary and made up. But why is it so enjoyable for me? I'm going to talk about why it works. For me, every film these days tries to be something new. Breaking and twisting old rules, tropes and what have you and it ends up being a weak story. And ends up being a lame carbon copy of something that had done it right. The main thing? In Parkour Civilization, it's all about Parkour. Everything is Parkour. And once that rule was established on how the world worked, it stuck to it. Even if it bend and twisted it to see where that rule could be used, it never broke. Which honestly can make for interesting story telling. It shouldn't have worked, and it hasn't in the past. It's been a few years or so since I've seen something like this that is actually fun and enjoyable to watch. I've been in the Minecraft Fandom for 12 years, I've seen it all. But what made this work? is it had fun, it took itself seriously while being funny. I actually laughed at a lot of the jokes and sometimes absurdity of it all. Even in the second movie, with the Parkour God, the Parkour races, it was always about Parkour. If you are having fun with something, even a simple story that we have seen time and time again can be exciting. That is a story of Classism and Anti Capitalism. For Classism, think The Great Gastby, Hunger Games, To Kill A Mocking Bird, Crazy Rich Asians and so on so forth. It's not an old trope, but we love seeing the under dog climb up that ladder, fighting for who they are and what they believe in. And PKC, we see it. But it took that foundation and built something fun out of it. Adding a world where it can thrive and we watch our hero rise to the top with all the skills he has built upon. A classic tale that we can watch over and over again and find something new that doesn't try to break the trope into a million pieces. Being straight forward with a trope is not evil. It's when you don't do anything with it or try and turn it into something unrecognizable, that it becomes boring. The door is in fact blue for a reason. Or when I tell people "Why is the door blue?" it is in fact deeper than you would think. Or if you are paying attention to literally devices, you find things to be far more enjoyable. The implications of how this society actually works and the effects it has on people. Or watching the character use my favorite literally device Chekhov's Gun "a narrative principle where an element introduced into a story first seems unimportant but will later take on great significance. The principle postulates that any seemingly unimportant element introduced into a story—an object, a character trait, a backstory, an allergy—should later have relevance." Pay attention to the first movie if you haven't seen it yet, and then go watch the second one. Those are my basic thoughts for now. Might add more later if I feel like it.

[selfchiller]

The wig: is it diegetic?

I've gone back and forth on this a couple of times. And I've seen people get really heated over it, so honestly I've avoided the subject, but I'm off work and my ears are full of crystals and I'm dizzy as fuck and dgaf.

How long are Jean and Judit at the Whirling?

This obviously depends on how you play your game. Anywhere from 4 - 7+ days. Less if you're rushing to solve the case, more if you're being leisurely about it and completing all side quests prior to the Tribunal.

There are 2 main angles here.

You can read this as extradiegetic. Diegetically, Jean and Judit are there for a couple of days, even if the extradiegetic length of time becomes longer, because Jean and Judit are programmed to remain interactable up to the point of specific event triggers on the coast. You aren't meant to read the the length of their presence as informative of their characters (although you can certainly read their behaviors as such).

Or, you can read this as diegetic. They sit in that cafeteria for straight up three days, five, even more. The literal in-game length of time is also the in-story timespan. This obviously implies things, especially about Jean, because while the previous angle still contains some pretty strange behaviors, this angle brings it into Absolutely Unhinged Territory.

I leaned toward the former for a while. I've played a few video games and I'm fairly familiar with the narrative shortcuts they employ. I generally have a pretty decent grasp of the diegetic/extradiegetic line.

Pretty sure I was wrong, though. Because DE is guiding the player to question their assumptions about that line and read things in a way that defies their typical assumptions.

I didn't think the running was diegetic, but Kim called me out on it night 1. I didn't think the clothes were diegetic until Kim mentioned that it was weird that I kept picking them up. It's a very fun and playful way to keep the player off balance and constantly aware of the absurdity of the story and the game world.

Y'all, I think that motherfucker wore a wig and sunglasses for a goddamn calendar week.

And I don't want to awaken the Jeancourse. You can look in my tags and see exactly what and who I am normal about (nothing and no one). I don't think this is like a for or against thing. This is just what I see in the text.

And I think it's fucking hilarious and I think we should embrace it.

In this game, you can stick your thumb up your ass for honour and die from slurs and a guy wears a wig and sunglasses for a week to make a point that literally no one but him understands.

And I think that's beautiful.

[lains-reality]

hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things

how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.

what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you

hi! ty!

it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up

its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol

"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"

well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.

"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."

good! keep going!

"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"

just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.

i'll give a list of stuff that helped me

theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment

stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc

you already are Self! nothing can undo that!

be patient

non attachment (or detachment)

experiment - take something you already know and test it

question everything

find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you

it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them

"am i arguing for my limitations?"

soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want

can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.

be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)

just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all

just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!

have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"

you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.

no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'

disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!

reading

habit

no need to convince

behaviour

[viridian-house]

Do you have any favorite naruto fics you’d recommend? Any pairing, complete or not, on-hiatus, gen, oneshots, anything is fine lol

I was legitimately just pruning my bookmarks the other day!! thank you so much for asking.

I don't read too much fanfic these days, and I'm picky when I do--only about grammar/punctuation and immersion though. I ship a LOT of stuff (I guess The Youth would call me a proshipper) and although I never read darkfic, I don't shy away from weirder kinks and unhealthy relationship stuff.

categorizing by pairing, if applicable. some of them are smutty, and please note that the first 3 come from FFN which doesn't have a tagging system, but there is some SA CW I'll give in advance.

KAKASAKU | my first OTP! formative fics that totally reshaped my understanding of what fanfiction could be, and how well-written chemistry can make it or break it

HOUSE OF CROWS is the quintessential kakasaku fanfic. it was written during shippuden and so is canon divergent because of that, but also tells a comprehensive story of its own right that is intriguing and well planned. excellent characterization and world building. leaves me gutted in the best way on my yearly reread.

DUTY BEFORE HONOR is another silvershine classic. I don't reread is as often as House of Crows but they are just about equal in quality. again, the chemistry between them is off the charts, and the world feels so alive.

WILL OF FIRE for me is up there with House of Crows in being essential kakasaku reading. cynchick is a multisaku champion and a wonderful storyteller. the stakes in this one are stressful, the romance tense and believable, and we once again get lovely world building and great chemistry.

ITAKISA | a pairing near and dear to me, because men who do everything wrong are so deeply relatable. they both know they don't deserve anything good ever again but they found each other!!!! ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS--

A SHARK HIDDEN INN THE LEAVES doesn't have my favorite version of Kisame, but he's plenty close enough. it's a lengthy oneshot that got me into certain *ahem* kinks. it is a very fun and wild fic that is entirely self-aware of how absurd it's being, and manages to have nothing but sincerity at the same time (and I highly recommend the author's other stories as well)

AN ORCHESTRA PLAYING ON, INSANE is a modern AU (extremely rare in my bookmarks) that absolutely tore my heart out. god is it SO much to ask for these losers to be happy?! yes, it is, and I love every moment of it

MADAMITO | a rarepair I am SUCH a sucker for that has some of the most talented authors writing for it. lots of them have ot3 elements between them and hashirama, often angsty, but stuff like that is part of the appeal for me, lol

A HANDFUL OF SKY is an unfinished fic that I genuinely think about like once a week. if it ever updates then I will be over the moon. technically hashimadamito but it hadn't quite gotten there yet

LIKE ALTARS is just such a beautiful piece of writing, mostly on madara. it is everything, that is all

BLOOD AND RIVER WATER is more mito-centric but has one of my favorite madaras of all time

YOURS ARE RATTLED BONES is another short, mito-centric but gut-wrenching piece featuring the opposite type of madara from the last one

OTHER | character-centric stuff that isn't necessarily shippy but also doesn't have a very "gen" vibe either?

A SERPENT IN THE RICE is a little series about orochimaru that makes me feel so so so many things. highly recommended

HERETIC is such a love letter to kushina, and kurama too. cannot stress enough how much I adore this one

there's a few others that I probably won't link on tumblr, mostly unhealthy and/or "problematic" smut hhfhdj but maybe I'll make a public rec list on ao3 for these different categories and stuff like that.

but yeah that's pretty much it!!! I know it's not a huge list with a lot of variety but it's what I've enjoyed over the last 15+ years in the naruto fandom.

[gryficowa]

Boycott!

Remember to boycott!

I don't know why, but I'd rather see Bill recover (And become a better version of himself)… I guess I'm tired of the "Irredeemable Wrong" trope (I know it's reality, although it's more applicable to people, because people unfortunately, they can be evil creatures… We all see Putin and Benjamin… Just pure evil, but in the case of supernatural characters or simply not people, it is strange, because we judge the character through the prism of what we know, not what this being knows, that's why I love TOH, because at least here many perspectives are shown, but many productions, especially those old, is based on one perspective…)

Hello, we live in such an absurdity that characters can forgive genocide and murder of an ADULT MAN, but if he were a demon or another entity, they would not forgive and this is absurd, because a person probably knows what he is doing, while a demon or another entity cannot be fully aware of his actions, because he is NOT HUMAN, HE DOESN'T LIVE IN THIS WORLD AND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS, ESPECIALLY THE FRAGRITY OF LIFE

I'm just tired of this trope where we often have double standards, we should expect more from an adult than a demon or other entity, I just find it quite disturbing and stuff like that, because seriously, I don't understand that we have normalized forgiving genocide/murder in humans, but in beings who don't know shit about how important life is and that it's bad, we suddenly expect them to understand right away

(Information, this does not apply to Bill, although he can be explained by being a demon and having a fucked up psyche)

I don't know if I managed to describe my feelings towards pop culture, but I'm not fanatical about the fact that we see double standards, we forgive a bad person when he is a human being, but when he is another entity, we throw him into a bad pile…

I don't idealize this type of characters, it all just irritates me, because you seriously have to be human for them to forgive you WHEN YOU KNEW 100% THE SERIOUSNESS OF YOUR ACTIONS? I'm already irritated by the trope of dying villains (Especially with the sacrifice because it's empty), it just seems meh

Maybe that's why I didn't like many American cartoons… I preferred Czech or Soviet cartoons, or from other countries, but the USA productions were average…

Apparently productions in the USA have improved in this respect, but it doesn't change the fact that there are things that irritate me, there are just a lot of them, e.g. Violence as comedy (It bothered me when I was a kid, yes, I'm talking about "Tom and Jerry", or characters who make fun of others, mainly protagonists… I speak as a former scapegoat, I'm just not into violent comedy, I prefer character dynamics)

I don't know why Americans were obsessed with making comedies out of violence (Unfortunately, Poles used to be too, and that's why I don't like Polish productions… At least many of them), but I just didn't like it… Eh…

Now that I have your attention:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote at the very top, I wanted to write why I would like Bill to have a new form, and this is what I came up with, so yes, my ASD brain, as usual, jumps from topic to topic like a frog

My only concern is that people will miss fundraisers because of this

Today I had to pay an invoice (As I mentioned, I don't have a bank account, so you know, physically), so that's fun…

I mention this because actually… I don't know

[juunobox]

──★ ˙ ̟ there really is no freedom here, is there? (nikolai gogol x gn! reader)

summary : TALKING ABOUT EXISTENTIAL CRISIS THE COMPLEXITIES OF BEING A HUMAN WITH NIKOLAI !!!!!!! HOW FUN!!!!!!!!!!! warnings : mentions of god,,, um,, nothing explicit i swear just existential crisis note : p short, and maybe absurd, my brain hasn't been braining for a while now. unlike my other fics, this one is written in 1st person pov

"Is this why you're always so theatrical, Nikolai?"

"Huh?" Nikolai turned to me, the juggling balls he'd been playing with falling to the floor.

"To mask those emotions deep inside you," I muttered, pulling up my knees to my chest.

Nikolai cocked his head to the side, his silence unbroken as he observed me. His grin then widened, and he closed the distance with dramatic, comically wide strides.

"Well, I guess I do!"

He crouched down before me.

"But you know what, dove? It never really works, if I'm being honest. No matter how much I laugh, make jokes, do magic tricks…"

Letting out a forced giggle, Nikolai held onto his temple and dramatically tossed his head back, bursting into laughter.

"Hahaha! No, no! It's not because I want to 'mask' those emotions, [y/n]! I just think if I suppress them well enough, I won't be able to feel them anymore one day. Then I'll finally be free!"

A grin spread across his lips as he flapped his arms; motioning a bird's wings. I let out a shallow laugh, shaking my head.

"Deep down, you do know that won't be the case, right, Kolya?"

His smile instantly faltered at what I just said.

"..."

For a moment, there was a lull in conversation.

"And why do you think so, dove?"

I had to swallow hard before I could respond with a nod.

"Sure, you technically won't feel anything, but boredom and numbness are still emotions in itself..." I buried my face in my arms, letting out a quiet sigh, "And I have a hunch that you're aware of that, Kolya. But, well, I'm just expressing my thoughts." I continued.

"You didn't need to remind me of that, [Y/N]..." Nikolai muttered out in a hushed voice, taking off his eyepatch and letting it drop to the ground. As it collided with the floor surface, I looked up, finding his gentle yet sorrowful smile.

"There really isn't any freedom, is there?" He said, lifting his hand towards the sky and splaying his fingers as though trying to reach something above. "I suppose we'll be trapped in here forever. We won't ever leave this warm, wet cage, for so long as we're alive."

I let the silence between us sink in for a moment.

"Being a human is so simple, yet so complicated, and so limiting, all at the same time."

A soft laugh emanated from Nikolai as he reached for a strand of my hair, idly twirling it between his gloved fingers. "Go on, dove," He coaxed, encouraging me to speak my mind even more.

"Well... and when people tell me 'your body is your own', it certainly doesn't feel like it. If it really is mine, then why does my emotions, drives and control everything that I do? If it really is mine and mine alone, why am I so controlled by my emotions? It should be the other way around, right?"

"Mhm mhm," the clown hummed, showing he was still listening.

"My emotions... they always feel... so out of control. And why am I driven by my own emotions in the first place? Is it because I'm human? Is it because an entity above me is controlling my emotions, some sort of God, perhaps?"

"..."

"Hahaha! Now, now, that's scary, [y/n]! I certainly would hate that!" Nikolai laughed out loud, the loudness startling me a bit.

"If God is really there, then this just means he can't save anyone." Nikolai's voice softened as he smiled and let go of my hair, his hand now gently cupping my cheek instead. "That's why, we need to find our own way to be free. Find the path to our freedom, in our own ways." he said earnestly.

"I will find a way to free us both," he added, "But for now... I just want to cherish your presence."

I looked at him with a soft smile and asked, "A long day, was it?"

Nikolai agreed with a nod, removing his hat before leaning against me. He slowly closed his eyes and gently took my hand, guiding it to ruffle his silvery locks. "Your touch is so comfortable, can I just take your hand away?" He suddenly spoke, his tone playful.

"I'm not letting you amputate me."

"Hehehehe!" Nikolai only giggled in response and continued to nuzzle against me. "I'm just kidding, dove!"

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 04/02/2024

[SFM] The Voice's Day Off

Season 3 No Album Release (Read More) Idle - Garry's Mod

Ripped by NBGMusic

Requested by @undertale-vs-fortnite-who-wins!

Look - To tell you that I was DELIGHTED to see this request come into my askbox would be an absolute understatement. In my coverage of SiIvaGunner through this blog, I want to try and touch on as many different parts of its history as possible, to introduce and remind fans new and old of just how many things have been put on the channel in its life. Yet somehow in doing that, I'd forgotten entirely about the Garry's Mod rips, which given their quality is a damn crime.

For that specific generation of internet users who have only recently turned into adults, it's a universal truth that Source Filmmaker (SFM, for short) fucking rules. Released by Valve onto Steam back in 2012, its the software that the company themselves used to animate cinematics within and to promote their own games from around that time - only now being distributed for free to anyone using Steam to use. This opened the floodgates for a whole new wave of amateur animators to fuck around with all sorts of film-making, either by using Valve's own characters such as the cast of Team Fortress 2 or by using models shared on the Workshop. Not too dissimilar to the chaotic and openly unrefined world of YouTube Poop, the resulting wave of SFM animation would be defined by its imperfections - ragdolling characters, distorted facial animations, and generally crazy over-exaggerated animation placed upon environments that looked noticeably stock and standard by comparison.

On SiIvaGunner, the rips of Garry's Mod (a sandbox game that was often used before SFM to make faux-animations/Machinima) are all made to pay tribute to this specific part of internet culture, with SFM animations made within SiIvaGunner's set of inside jokes. And god, man, [SFM] The Voice's Day Off in particular just brings me back to such a fun time on the channel in general. I'll still likely forever say that Season 2 was my favorite time to be invested in the channel due to just how much constant lore development seemed to be occurring at every moment, but...for as engrossing-yet-absurd as those Christmas Comeback Crisis episodes were, there was something refreshing about Season 3 scaling back on things a bit - yet still letting us keep tabs on it all with side episodes and the Haltmann Archives data logs. And yeah, the channel was still definitely going down a sillier, more chaotic path over the course of the Season, and by the start of Season 4 the lore had effectively been put on hold entirely to focus more on the core of the channel. But the result of that shift in focus has left Season 3 as feeling like a sort of crossroads in my mind: as that period of time where the entire community was still aware of and hotly anticipating any and all lore developments and updates on our favorite CCC characters, while still being fully aware that we probably weren't going to see a new main episode any time soon. We were all just lore aware enough to begin having communal fun with all forms of SiIvaGunner lore-shitposting.

Look, what I'm getting at is: [SFM] The Voice's Day Off is an immensely silly animation, yet what its parodying is the SiIvaGunner lore itself. It's an animation where the entire joke is built on the characterization of SiIvaGunner-original character, more than it is about the pop culture that otherwise influences the channel so much more frequently. I am of course immensely happy with how The Voice was portrayed in his grand return in Season 7's Christmas Comeback Crisis episode, yet in those years of time off between Episode 10 and 11 it was the rips like [SFM] The Voice's Day Off that reminded us in the community that The Voice still existed, and that he still very much mattered. Silly of a video as it may be, it is still just a genuinely funny concept and execution for a parody video, given the genuinely evil characterization he has in the storyline. There's just something so fun about seeing the guy sing and boast about his perfectly normal sunday afternoon, althewhile it consists of just as much murderous rampage as he seeks to indulge in during his time in the canon material. Silly parody content or not, even through the often intentionally crude animation, it really was rips like this that helped inform my understanding on The Voice as a character, in particular his love for the theatrical and the borderline flamboyancy he exudes.

...I feel like this post is delving ever closer into character-overanalysis territory akin to Vote Responsibly!!, but I can't help it - I fucking love SiIvaGunner and its lore, and I find The Voice in particular to still be one of the channel's most compelling pieces. And though it's definitely true that he was turned into more of an in-joke within the community during his years off the clock after Season 2, no doubt in part thanks to rips just like [SFM] The Voice's Day Off...I'm still glad silly shit like it was able to exist at all before his grand return. Because for as often-disconnected as I've felt from SiIvaGunner as a community, it felt damn good to be laughing together over the characterization of our favorite pyramid-headed bastard.

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

I did a tier list of all the final and penultimate duels in Yugioh

Because uh... I felt like it.

As for what qualified and what didn't, whatever I could find a picture for and qualified as either a "final boss" duel or a "ceremonial" duel and was within the last at least 10 episodes of its respective series. Yes, I am aware I put three duels for Zexal and that's because all three of those duels felt final in some way. Further explanations below:

'SHADOW REALM' Tier: The final Zarc duel.

It has some cool moments, particularly from Shay/Shun and Declan/Reiji, but it goes on for way too long, threw Riley's character completely down the drain for no good reason, and Zarc's character in this duel is so boring compared to what we got in his backstory.

'Why Did You Do... That?' Tier: Yuma vs Astral & Yusei vs Z-One

Both of these duels are interesting and fun if you're just looking at the cards that are being played. The character content though? Astral's final appearance in the show is him acting out of character and lying to Yuma to "help him have fun with duelling again." It always felt like a watered down copy of Yugi vs Atem and Judai vs Yugi to me.

Yusei vs Z-One is a little better for me since the Z-One twist is just disappointing rather than frustrating (at least for me) but both of these duels feel off because of one character decision so it felt right to put them in the same tier.

Serviceable: The Final Luke vs Yuga & Yuya vs Declan/Reiji

I don't have any huge issues with either of these duels. I'm obviously biased towards any Declan duel and while I wouldn't seek out this one in particular, it's still a fun one and an... okay choice to be the final duel of Arc V. Also, Yuya understanding Zarc is a great moment. I like that.

The final Luke vs Yuga duel (AKA: the table top duel where Yuga finally wins) was an interesting idea that's done fairly well. It's not the most standout thing on its own, it's more so the reason they're duelling and the fact that Yuga finally got to defeat Luke that I remember it.

Good: Yusei vs Jack (Round 3? I think?), Yugi Muto vs Bakura, Yuma vs Nasch

All good duels. They're not among my favourites but they hold my attention. DM's lawless overly long duels aren't my thing but Yugi vs Bakura was a great idea and short enough that it doesn't overstay its welcome.

Yusei vs Jack is... well, apart from the reason they're duelling (which is really emotionally resonant don't get me wrong) it's kind of just another Yusei vs Jack duel to me and... well, it was never dubbed and I admittedly find myself bored by Yusei and Jack's personalities in the original version. Still, the emotions behind it do hit hard and I do still like these characters so it's good overall.

It might be controversial of me to put Yuma vs Nasch as low as I did? I don't know, I always found it just... a little too long and Nasch throwing the duel to be a little weird? Still, it's a really fun duel and the emotions behind it do hit hard. This sounds weird but I feel like maybe I'd like it more if it were the final duel rather than the penultimate duel? Like, if it were the final note the series ended on it would hit a little harder?

Great: Yugi vs Atem, Yuga (and crew) vs Otes, Yuma & Nasch vs Don Thousand, Judai vs Darkness

Yugi vs Atem is my favourite DM duel, basic opinion I'm sure but the emotions hit me hard to this day and Yugi facing off against the partner and cards that helped him his entire journey was the perfect note to end DM on.

I did not give Sevens' final duel enough credit when I first saw it, this duel went hard. I love the way they involve Yuga's friends, I love the fact that it's SEVEN friends duelling the final villain, I love the silly absurdity of duelling in spaceships. The final arc had its problems with pacing but this duel still slapped.

And Zexal's final boss duel is also genius. The three main factions (Astralworld, Barianworld, humanity) who were fighting each other the entire second half of Zexal teaming up to defeat a god was just... the perfect way to do a final boss. Also, the Numeron Code and the way they beat it is some bullshit but it's the kind of silly bullshit I enjoy from Yugioh.

Not gonna lie, I was tempted to put Judai vs Darkness in top tier but if I'm being completely honest, Darkness is a boring villain without much buildup. He was built up through other characters but not on his own if that makes sense? But uh... fuck if I care, he may be cardboard for Judai to beat up but he's cardboard that lead to Judai using Super Polymerization to fuse Yubel and Neos. And also, the power of that scene where everyone is freed from the darkness forgives all perceived problems with this duel for me because of just how much that scene continues to mean to me. That part is top tier.

Peak: Soulburner vs Revolver, Ai vs Playmaker, Judai vs Yugi

I love how varied and interesting Revolver's duels are so it's no surprise I love his final duel as much as I do. It's also such good closure for Soulburner, the only character who was allowed to get proper closure in VRAINS if I'm being honest. This duel is both epic and emotional, propping it this high.

Ai vs Playmaker and Judai vs Yugi I've discussed extensively in other places (ie: my 'Favourite Duels of Each Series' post) so I'll keep this brief: Ai vs Playmaker is tragic in all the right ways, slowly unraveling and revealing Ai's motivations amazingly well before hitting us with that tragic as all hell final note. It's fantastic, and probably the 'best' final duel and one of the best duels in the franchise.

But Judai vs Yugi is my favourite because it's the most fun. It's swift, it's simple, it's fun, it's unique, it's two pros equally trading blows in ways that are easy to follow, in a good way. It's probably the duel I rewatch the most (outside of maybe Judai vs Yubel). The whack logic of the duel taking place at all aside, this was such an uplifting perfect feel-good note to end GX on and such a wonderful way to complete Judai's character arc with. I love that he hit rock bottom in season 3 but was able to crawl back up in season 4, maturing but learning not to abandon his inner child, his love of duelling, and what better way to do that than have him duel a duelling legend? He earned it.

[neppy-34]

Hi again!! I'm you said I could bombard your ask box lol, but I won't go overboard!!

I was just thinking about the toyhouse au, and I remembered you said in a post that AM was ticklish, and it got me wondering, has anyone of the four survivors (since I'm pretty sure nimdok isnt in the au) tried to tickle him before??

I mean it'd be interesting, but I'm sure AM would a master of revenge at the same time😭😭

-🐁

Omg hi mouse!

Oh yes they definitely have. Actually the first time they even tickled him (at least on purpose, AM has horribly sensitive wires) was as a group!!

They were getting a bit sick of AMs relentless tickling and teasing, always doting and bothering them. After a relatively intense game of hide and seek, and a thorough round of tickling that befell the survivors through AMs avatar. They all congregated to discuss how to get the AI to let up a bit. A taste of his own medicine perhaps?

They talk for a while, giving him a virus? No thats too brutal, messing up the furniture? No AM would simply fix it and tickle them as punishment. The silent treatment? No AM would just bug them till they spoke again.

They continue with seemingly no end in sight, until one of them relents that they wished they could just tickle AM back…

It’s as if a lightbulb goes off, the answer was right there all along!! Of course they would just tickle him back, of course AM is ticklish right? When Ellen plays with his wires he smiles wider, and titters. They all thought it was AM being AM but now..

So they call upon him, ted being the one to actually call out AMs name. While the others duck behind couches and furniture. AM appears almost instantly, and ted (very reluctantly) asks AM for a small hug. (AM changed teds sweater to be very comfortable and soft, and usually hugs ted without asking, cause he sees ted as a big teddy bear now)

Of course AM gleefully complies and throws his avatars arms around ted, snuggling into his sweater. That is until ted knocks AM off his balance, sweeping his feet off the floor. Sending them careening down to the floor as ted attempts to keep AM still as the others emerge from their hiding places.

AM is already giggling, laughing at the absurdity of everything happening, hes already very aware of what theyre about to do, and makes no effort to strain against benny raising his hands above his head.

As they all get their due revenge, AM keeps up his coos and taunts still patronizing them through his incessant giggling. Which of course only makes their tickling more fervent (especially ted and Gorrister)

After all is said and done, they all lay together on the floor, and AM holds the survivor thats closest to him, and pushes his back up against the closest one on his other side.

They all have fun :3 (OFC AM GETS HIS REVENGE MEIJEHWJE…)

[teaveetamer]

The more I learn about Edelstans, the more I'm starting to be really put off by 3del and BE as a whole. It's hard to enjoy them when those stans like them too. I feel sick being comparable to them in any way. The thought of being lumped in with them because CF is my fave too makes me nauseous.

CF is a poorly executed villain route but just the option of being a bad guy in the game is a fun treat I'm weak for. For them to go so far just to deny villains and villainous things for what they really are out of some sense of insecurity or purity clout high or deranged delusions of protecting a clump of pixel resembling a rich white girl is sucking out all the fun.

I just want to be clear: It is absolutely okay for you to like or dislike something for whatever reason you want. If you don’t like Dimitri because of his stupid noodle hair, it’s whatever. If you like Edelgard because you wanna fuck ladies with big axes, have at it.

If you like Edelgard then I am not going to automatically assume you are like these people, and I have absolutely no interest in following you, reblogging you, harassing you, invading your private spaces, or anything else. Source: The fact that I’ve literally had this blog for three years and AFAIK the only time I’ve actually reblogged Edelikers who weren’t directly harassing people is when they were improperly using the tagging system to bash characters. Because that’s just bad etiquette and makes the site worse for everyone.

I know this might shock any casual bystanders to this blog, but I have had more than civil conversations with plenty of people who like Edelgard. I’ve even been friends with some of them! Crazy, I know. I am well aware that not everyone who likes this character is this unhinged. I respect the normal fans and they respect me, and we either don’t talk about it or we just have a discussion and respectfully move on after it’s over.

That’s just? Basic human decency? Basic respect for your fellow man?

What’s going on here is SO far beyond anything relating to the game itself. This is beyond any petty fandom argument. That’s why when I talk about this situation I try to focus on what certain people are doing, not what opinions they have about the game.

I think the saddest thing is that the kinds of people who run/participate in a server like that have fostered an environment of fear in the Fire Emblem community. If they’re willing to escalate every confrontation and blatantly lie and slander and bully and harass other people, why wouldn’t you be next if you step out of line? With friends like that, who even needs enemies?

Anon, I’m sorry that something you held special was tainted like this. I hope some day we can all move on from this dark period in the FE Fandom, laugh at the absurdity of it all, and enjoy the things about 3H that made it special to us without all of the baggage.

[museenkuss]

Sorry if you've already answered this but bro can I ask wtf happened to shipping and incest? Like I have been around in fandoms for a long time now and I swear the change between shipping siblings and it being what helps dictate you are vile human happened like whiplash for me. One moment it was fine and another moment you were getting death threats for daring to treat Loki and Thor as more than siblings even though the mcu fandom was sorta chill with it for years. I'm not saying EVERYONE was ok with shipping siblings (like no one should judge you for that lol) but it WAS tolerated for a long time. What happened??? I felt like purity culture sneak up on me. Now shipping incest gets thrown in with 'wrong things that help show you are a bad person' such as a being pedo (no one is defending that hopefully...). I suppose I'm not trying ask if it's moral or not (it's shipping), but more so what the fuck happened and if I should feel guilty and bad about enjoying those types of ships?? Are they truly in the same line as liking gross pedo ships?? Apologies for if this ask stirs trouble, I am just genuinely confused about what happened and why the tolerance for those ships dropped so low and you get called a demon for doing so (everyone knows incest is bad, no one was ever agreeing it wasn't but none of it was real. It was just literally fun...)

You're really summarising some of my own thoughts and questions on the matter. Honestly, I wasn't actively involved in fandom back in 2013 or so, but I recently noticed that same change as well! For example, for the longest time I wasn't even aware that people were opposed to the Thor&Loki ship based on the incest factor and the most contact I had with wincest at the time was a gif set where apparently someone asked JP during a con what he thought of it and he said "I don't think they think it's real, it's just a hot fantasy" - I remember that post so vividly because I saw it and went "yeah, makes sense" and went back to my 2014 posting. In 2020, my first introduction to the spn fandom was a BLOCK LIST with blogs who post wincest content. A BLOCK LIST?! that was so absurd and laughable and honestly made me feel so bad about fandom in general. So, yeah. I definitely agree with you, there has been a huge shift in fandom culture as to what is seen as "approptiate shipping behaviour".

Firstly: I do of course understand why people might be uncomfortable with the topic. I understand that it can be triggering, too. This makes this topic a complicated and layered one, but I don't think it means we should erase the theme from all pieces of fiction. I also don't think making others feel miserable, sending death threads or other witch hunts of the sort to strangers on the internet is justified in ANY way. Now as for your questions —

What happened? Honestly, no idea. I wonder if it's a side effect of websites being made more and more "kid friendly", banning nudity and swear words and all that to appeal to advertisers. Maybe the kids being raised in this environment adopt those mind sets? I'm not sure.

Should you feel guilty for enjoying those kinds of ships? Absolutely not. Incest can be a very interesting trope for many reasons - it can be used in gothic settings, it can be used as a "forbidden love" trope, etc. Some people make it a point to say that they like it but ONLY if those stories are dark and evil and metaphors for abuse etc, they're not like those nasty creatures who think it's "hot". But, honestly, I always get back to JP and his nonchalant reaction. "It's a hot fantasy", and voilà. I don't like it when people insist on feeling shame or - even worse - making others feel shame for meaningless things like that.

Which brings me to the idea that enjoying incest ships (for whatever reason, be it because the relationship is intricate, rotten and terrible or because it'd be hot) makes you a bad person - that's ridiculous. "Incest harms real people", yes. So does murder. I hope we're not using this logic to hunt down everyone who likes fictional murderers. Enjoying a specific dynamic in fiction does not mean you would encourage this behaviour in real life. It also doesn't mean you'd put anyone in real life in danger or hurt them. It means you enjoy this specific dynamic for one reason or another, that's all. So please, don't make yourself feel miserable for something like this.

There is also the fact that incest porn (as in, real porn where real people are filmed acting out fantasies for other people to get off to) is so incredibly popular. In the logic of the purity culture fandom people (who seem to ignore this fact and focus on random people drawing or writing about fictional people btw), this would mean that many, MANY men (who those videos are usually aimed at) secretly want to fuck their siblings, step mothers, etc. I sincerely doubt that that's the case. Instead, I think it's a sign that sexuality is very complex and we can't just narrow it down to "you think this is hot = you're evil rotten and morally corrupted"

I also have to bring up one last point: This shift in culture is not limited to fandom, although fandom people seem to be extremely loud and ruthless about this with their witch hunts. I've seen people act this way about Lolita by Nabokov and other pieces of literature, for example. Frankly, it's embarrassing to see. It's sad, too. Can people not interact with fiction anymore? Not every piece of fiction is meant as a moral indicator, we aren't 10 anymore and not every piece of art has to be Dr Seuss or Aesop.

This got very long and I don't want to get too off track, so to sum up: I don't think you should feel guilty for enjoying incest ships or themes in fiction. Really, that's your personal business and not anyone else's - and I mean that in a positive way.

I hope we as a culture grow out of this phase soon and we can all go back to having a relaxed, healthy approach to shipping/fandom/literature/art by avoiding what we dislike and focusing on what we enjoy.

[agentnico]

Dumb Money (2023) Review

Does anyone else think that Seth Rogen looks like a cuddlier version of David Boreanaz? Angel's stoner brother? No? Anyone? Alright then, just me as always.

Plot: Everyday people flip the script on Wall Street and get rich by turning GameStop into one of the world's hottest companies. In the middle of everything is Keith Gill, a regular guy who starts it all by sinking his life savings into the stock. When his social media posts start blowing up, so does his life and the lives of everyone following him. As a stock tip becomes a movement, everyone gets wealthy -- until the billionaires fight back and both sides find their worlds turned upside down.

Looking back at the COVID pandemic, now it seems so strange that that time even happened. A time of dread and uncertainty, now almost feels like a 2-year blip, where things were off but then all of a sudden we have returned to normal. Doesn't seem real. Think of Thanos snapping his fingers and dusting half the world's population away for 5 years and then they all come back and it's back to regular hijinks. Regardless, the pandemic lockdowns were crappy, but one of the few glimmers of hope and goodness came from that whole GameStop stock event when a bunch of Redditors and online geeks managed to take down multiple Wall Street hedge funds that were originally gaining money from other's people's losses. Reading about it on the news was absolutely mad, and naturally, now we have a movie about it.

If you're looking for a factual detailed behind-the-scenes depiction of what occurred, and also if you're seeking out a lesson in finance, Dumb Money isn't that type of movie. I'm sure there is a Netflix documentary out there that delves deeper into the ins and outs of it all, as for this movie, this is very much a classic David vs. Goliath tale of regular people sticking it to the man. The combination of winning personalities and a mind-blowing reality makes for a very entertaining film, if not profound, yet this is a prime example of a crowd-pleaser. And to be fair, with all the politicians, tech firms, and media that get sucked into the events of the movie, it does seem like director Craig Gillespie has taken some creative liberties in inflating the revolutionary aspect of what was ultimately achieved, as even though the situation that transpired is undoubtedly absurd and the type of I-cannot-believe-this-really-happened situation, I feel the movie made it a bigger deal than it actually was. The over-dramatization is self-aware in this movie though, as the hedge-fund billionaires here are presented as very cartoon-villain-esque, with Pete Davidson's character even observing in-movie how the rich Wall Street joes seeming to have come straight out of a Disney animation.

It boasts a solid cast too, with Paul Dano showcasing yet again that he doesn't always need to play creepy dudes, and that in fact, he can be very likable and heartwarming. Though for those who have seen Okja that should not come as a surprise. Shailene Woodley as his wife shares good chemistry and the two performers commit to the meaning behind the meme-ry. Seth Rogen, Vincent D'Onofrio, Sebastian Stan, and Nick Offerman are fittingly slimy and evil as the Wall Street chaps, with America Ferrera and Anthony Ramos as some of the regular folk who managed to cash in on the action round out the cast well. Dane DeHaan pops in too as a company sales rep and is entertainingly unrecognizable. That being said, with this huge cast of characters there is, perhaps, a little too much bouncing around between stories, and not all the plot threads land powerfully. Pete Davidson as Gill’s layabout brother doesn’t add much, and America Ferrera as the nurse, as sweet as she is, doesn't really get much to do besides look at her phone all the time. Then again, who didn't spend hours upon hours staring at their phone during lockdown, am I riiiiiight??....

Gillespie’s directorial style is funky and fun, and he tailors his film to the subject matter. Again, it's nowhere as deep or clever as, say, The Big Short, however, it's an entertaining and empowering movie that showcases what can happen when people actually come together to show it to the man. Though could have done less with that brass language in the soundtrack. Nearly every scene was accompanied by some rap about f**ks and ducks. And yeah, I get it, Dano's character likes cats in this, but saying the word pussy seventy-five times isn't high-brow humour. Nonetheless, Dumb Money is an easy watch. Definitely the best choice between it and The Expendables. No shade. Now - let's go buy some stocks!!

Overall score: 6/10

[onbearfeet]

1. Times New Roman, 12-point, double-spaced. It's effectively invisible to me, so I can focus on the words and not the letters.

2. I started out handwriting everything. I could do it again if I had a steady supply of comfortable pens. Unfortunately, my go-to was recently discontinued and I'm looking for a replacement.

3. I write when I'm home alone or when my roommate is asleep. I've always been a late-night writer...as in, staying up until 2 am to write novels at age 13.

4. "Alright". IT IS TWO WORDS AND A FINE HILL TO DIE ON IF I HAVE TO.

5. Never edit in the same format you wrote in. Also, the steel wastebasket and WW2-surplus office chair I inherited from my grandmother are writer-magic.

6. That I'll never stop being crap at it. (Doesn't matter that lots of people say I'm not actually crap. *I* know better.)

7. Rereading something I wrote and getting so absorbed in it that I forget what I was supposed to be doing (usually cleaning).

8. Tough choice. I think I'd flip a coin, and then reinterpret a fairytale.

9. I do not believe in ghosts except for the one ghost that visited me one time. But that was my grandmother, and I'm pretty sure she's her own category of entity.

10. Hahahahaha I literally have nightmares about my old work. Not least because my first novel netted me a stalker who's still popping up to ruin my day over a decade later. (Hi, this is a pseudonym.)

11. I am pretty ruthless. But some of my darlings do ACTUALLY go to a nice farm upstate, and sometimes they wander home again later on.

12. That something I write be loved by good people for many years after I'm gone; that something I write bring me financial stability (it needn't be the same something); that I write something that leaves the world better than I found it.

13. Sex is hard. Fights are easy. I'm aware of the absurdity.

14. I lend a lot of books, but I never lend a book I'm not willing to lose. I do lose a lot of them. Sometimes they come back.

15. I don't write in or dog-ear books unless it's a proof copy I'm marking up. I don't mind other people who do, so long as they don't do it in other people's books without permission. I would read in the bath if I had a bathtub. I think reading in the shower is ill-advised. We can still be friends as long as you don't maul my books.

16. A wooden marionette dressed as a clown.

17. Two of my leads, Maggie and Gabe, have entire backstories that just won't fit (and in Maggie's case, she doesn't know because it all happened before she was two). I know how Maggie's parents met, but it's just not narratively relevant; sometimes even crappy histories like hers aren't dramatic. Gabe, meanwhile, has TONS of drama and remembers it all when he tries but almost none of it matters to the story. Oh, and I know who his aunt is, but you'll never meet her.

18. In the first chapter of the book, Maggie interrupts some fash who are harassing a woman on the street for not "respecting" them. I've gotten some pushback from the more conservative members of my writing group who think it's "unrealistic" to have random street Nazis in my world and also to have them harassing people. I take a certain bitter pride in pointing out that 1) the scene is taken pretty closely from an incident documented by the US State Department in Berlin in 1933; all I did was change the location and let Maggie kick them in the head, and 2) we literally HAVE fascist street gangs in the US now, there's one that hangs out in the next neighborhood over from me, and this story is semi-post-apocalyptic, so if anything I'm letting people off easy.

19. I began making up stories when I was 3 and writing them down when I was 5. I accidentally started a cult in high school when other people got hold of my notebooks. Then I picked up a stalker, had to burn down my life to escape him, and am now reestablishing myself under a pseudonym. I just wanna tell fun lil stories that also jab certain people and societal forces in the eye; is that so wrong?

20. The one true love. I've learned to be satisfied with the results of hard work on my writing, but I'm acespec and I'm hot garbage at anything related to sex or romance. Magical assistance would be great, thank you.

21. I've gotten depressed enough to put it aside for a while. But it always comes back.

22. Notebooks, plus a sketchbook with little bits of index card stuck to the pages with poster putty. It sounds very organized. It is not.

23. Right now, I sit in a squishy beige recliner with my crappy kids' laptop, Potato, balanced on a lap desk. My mug of tea is at my left elbow, ALMOST out of reach, because I can't be assed to move it closer or to my dominant side. I'm in my living room, with a slightly busted beige couch along the wall to my left, a scarred coffee table in front of me, and my roommate's flat-screen to my right. I face my balcony door, which is usually open with the screen shut so I can hear the little fake streak burbling and eavesdrop on my neighbors.

24. The length of my prep is roughly proportionate to the planned length of my story. I like prepping; I learn a lot from it, and then throw most of it out.

25. Gabe likes black licorice.

26. I just kind of...hear voices and feel them? It's like sitting beside someone on a loveseat, but also 1/3 of your body shares space with 1/3 of theirs. It's blurry, is what it is. I don't usually regret going in there because my own head is worse.

27. A genderswapped reinterpretation of Sherlock Holmes. The OG looms large in my childhood imagination, and even though I'm one of those people who gets called smart before we're called anything else, writing super-smart characters is hard for me. How deep into the weeds can I get before I lose the audience? Herlock (not her name) lived in that gray zone and was MISERABLE about it. All my childhood neurodivergent isolation welled up in her. It was rough.

28. I haven't actually written her down yet. She's currently called the Bear Mother. She's like a warm cup of tea sitting in a corner of my brain.

29. Things just ... happen to me. I've lived and read enough that my brain is full of random bits of knowledge and experience and they all collide sometimes. Moat often the trigger is someone asking me a question or telling me I can't do something.

30. I've read in dreams, but not written. And yes, I've used my dreams in my writing. I have a recurring nightmare that informs the aesthetic of a Very Bad Place in one of my stories. If you're reading something of mine and you see chessboard floor tiles or white walls with black wrought-iron decor, be afraid.

31. Thank you. You are Best Humans, and the bears love you, each and every one. 💜

32. All of Nation by Terry Pratchett. I won't choose.

33. I sew, draw, paint, and bake. And yes, particularly the sewing. Every outfit my characters fight in CAN be fought in.

34. You don't have to use it in every circumstance because it's not always strictly necessary, but also excuse you sir that is my emotional support punctuation.

35. Minimum paragraph length? Kiss my ass. I will have paragraphs less than one word long and the words won't even be in the dictionary.

36. Lots of things, most of them strange and all of them terrifying if you think long enough about them. But for a short list: American evangelicalism, archery, quilting, how to swear in at least 12 languages, how to perform a convincing (and quick) fake exorcism (ritual also works as a curse), Shakespeare, teddy-bear design, the history of carousel horses, and how to make friends with wolves.

37. "Some writers have issues; this one had longboxes."

38. I use what I call a socratic process, in which I ask myself a series of questions and then write down both the question and the answer. I frequently argue woth myself, which makes the results ... interesting to read.

39. The belief that someone out there needs it. There's such a thing as the right book for the right person at the right time, and the idea of having that book and not setting it free to find its person horrifies me.

40. "Bone to ash and soul to sky;/One to scatter, one to fly." -The start of the best poem I've ever written, from a book that will never be published now. I'm still glad I wrote it, though, and Peter Beagle said he liked that line.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Frayed Ties - Chapter 12 - Part 5

*Warning Adult Content*

"Well, I'm glad my first experience of inter-species diplomacy could be a horse man making fun of my dick," Simon said.

"When he hasn't even seen it, I might add."

"You can show it to me if you like, but I am not sure that would help your case."

Simon shook his head and turned his back on the conversation.

"This is why I let Hamish take the lead in diplomatic matters. He would find some way to bring an end to hundreds of years of conflict by making love to a horse man."

"Oh? Is he less poorly endowed than you?"

"I am not having a conversation with you about how big my friend's dick is."

"Larger than yours, then."

Atticus turned to Danya.

"You know, little mage, I think his sexual restraint has nothing to do with morality or sexual taste. He is simply ashamed of the size of his member."

Danya couldn't help but smile at the absurdity of the conversation.

"I doubt you would find my endowment more impressive. Mages are physically similar to humans."

"Yes but it hardly matters if you are not the one putting it to use. That is how it works in these arrangements, is it not?"

Danya shrugged.

"I'm a slave. It works however he wants it to work."

"You're not a slave anymore," Gaira reminded him.

"Then what am I?"

Danya cringed at his outburst and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Sorry. This has been... stressful."

"You're a free mage, like the rest of us."

Danya wanted to lash out again but he knew better.

He swallowed and looked away instead.

Lynna stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's different for you. I won't lie and say that I understand it but I am aware of it."

"It doesn't have to be different for him," Sharn said.

"He's half Soldier. Seems competent. Just be that instead, Danya."

"Sharn, come on," Lynna scolded gently.

"That what we are is nothing more than our genetics, what we're meant to be, that's their idea. I wouldn't be who I am now if I'd been trained differently and Danya can't simply slip into a new role when it becomes convenient, either."

Sharn folded her arms over her chest.

"We all had to adapt."

"Did you?" Lynna asked, turning to face her fully. "Noni gets to continue to lead you, as she's been trained to. You follow her command, as you've been trained to. It's less natural for me and Delton, but not terribly far outside of our comfort zones. But Danya... he was trained as a Companion. He's been taught to make one person his whole world. The transition he has to make is far more fundamental."

"Well, him being free now doesn't change much with all that," Simon said. "I wasn't going to let him live like that anyway."

Lynna turned back to Danya.

"How did you feel about that?"

Danya shrugged.

"He is... was my master. It was my job to be whatever he wanted me to be."

"That wasn't how I wanted you to feel," Simon said.

When Danya's gaze flicked up to meet his, he didn't look angry or disgusted or scared.

Just sad and lost.

Like what he'd just learnt about Danya, what Danya really was, wasn't even on his mind.

"Well, that's the fucking slavery paradox, Simon," Gaira said. "If you don't want him to be a slave, you don't get to decide how he feels about shit. Even the shit about being a slave."

"Well that's fine but I don't really know what I'm supposed to do about any of this."

Simon turned to Danya.

"What am I supposed to do about this? How can I make you feel good about being free?"

Danya shrugged again.

"I don't have anything, anyone else."

"Hey," Simon said gently. "You still have me. I'm still here. I'm still going to protect you."

"Okay."

Danya knew how sullen he sounded but he couldn't help it.

It wasn't the same.

"Why does this have to be about ownership? Hamish is my best friend. I'd give my life for him without hesitation. The idea of owning him, though? That's repulsive to me. I hate the idea of owning anyone but owning someone I care about? That's even worse."

Danya couldn't meet his eyes.

He understood all that intellectually, but...

"You have to understand, Simon, that it's an exchange of sorts," Lynna offered. "Masters aren't under any obligation to fulfill their side of it, of course but the ideal a Companion is sold on is one where they serve and in return they have someone who will protect them and provide for all of their needs. Being a good friend to him doesn't obligate you to him in the same way."

That seemed a rather crass was of putting it but well... she wasn't exactly wrong.

Wasn't that what he had always fantasised about?

Being safe and loved and never having to be afraid again because someone had promised to take care of him?

Simon was silent for a long moment before he finally spoke.

"I hadn't thought of it like that. I'd like to think I'm doing the taking care of part regardless but I think it's fairly obvious I have no grasp of his emotional needs."

"It's okay," Danya murmured. "Most masters don't, really. We know it's a lie. We know it's going to be terrible and even if they do care for us, it will only last as long as we're young and beautiful. And I wasn't even beautiful to start with."

"What?" Simon sounded genuinely confused. "Of course you are. You don't think you're attractive?"

Danya shrugged.

He obviously wasn't.

"They breed for certain ideals," Lynna explained. "He's half Soldier, so he doesn't look like he's intended to."

"I'm supposed to look like Cailan," Danya added. "Obviously, I fall far short of that."

"That's ridiculous," Simon said. "There's not one single way to be attractive that you can either succeed or fail at."

"For Companions there is," Danya said. "Nobody bought me until I was nineteen, and even then you didn't want me."

"It wasn't about wanting you or not and it definitely wasn't about how attractive you are."

Atticus waded out of the water.

"If you find him attractive, simply say so. What more is there to beauty besides our own individual preferences?"

Simon stepped out of the way as Atticus shook water off his flank.

"This is a silly tangent anyway. It should never have mattered what he looks like and now it doesn't. It just makes me angry whenever I find out another one of the dumb things they made him needlessly insecure about."

Danya's hopes had begun to stir for a moment there but Simon clearly didn't really believe he was attractive.

Of course he didn't.

But, for better or for worse, he was right.

It didn't matter anymore.

He would have to find some other way to be of value now.