#I am an emotional person
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It's nice to see you working on yourself :]/gen
Trick or treat!
Yeah, thanks.
You know, I have very mixed feelings right now, some want everything to become normal again, and a friend screams that I'm ruining and I will remain them, for those whom I have disappointed
How to say it correctly, so that it is clear and not rude. Everyone who has broken up in me can leave again, because I will remain disappointed. And what was my name there? A groomer? Honestly, it's not clear what animal care and human resentment have to do with it
In general, you can leave again
You can have my tea. I realized that I don't have to apologize to those I've disappointed. And I don't have to become friends with those I've disappointed either.
No aggression, but too little time has passed and you have already returned, although you were almost the first to leave
I take off my hat to you and leave
(Alternatively, just stay as far away from me as possible, otherwise I'll hide in a corner in fear, I've said more than once that people scare me)
#I am an emotional person#and any emotions I have will last a long time#I prefer to stay with those who have forgiven me and who have not left me#Be angry again#a little time has passed#art#Ask#Ask me#I'm not sure if it sounded soft#I still get confused when I have sharp feelings#it's a little hard to think.
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I will be a mess, when my grandmother passes away and this just reminds me lol. I'm a mess just thinking about it sometimes tbh. Sending all my thought and happy feelings his way
#maja talks#idk why but it's kinda hitting me right now#my grandmother is 92 and seeing other people pass away just reminds me that it could be her next otl#I am an emotional person#my other grandmother is sick but not as old but still past the age of 80#death is such a weird thing and one would think I was better at handling it with how much of it I've seen lol#WHY AM I GETTING SAD RIGHT NOW STOP IT MAJA#okay I'm good I'm okay
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today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery
#if god thinks i should get top surgery he needs to venmo me $9000 usd#there was someone in the gay social hour who said she had gotten kicked out of multiple catholic churches (for being trans)#and her therapist recommended this church specifically....#going into affirming churches still makes me a little emotional if i am being fully honest. if you have an affirming religious space#i hope you can hold onto that shit with your life#anyway. charming way to think about it i like it more than the bread and wine one personally#me#edit: to clarify this was at an episcopalian church
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I think it's so interesting that when the Night Nurse goes through Charles' trauma, she does see him being attacked by the other boys, sees him running alone through the night, but she never sees him dying. That only comes later, when she is searching for love.
And there is no fear in that memory, even if there is pain, there is just Edwin and the light he is bringing, metaphorically and physically, into Charles' life, there is smiling and joking and listening to stories. There is Edwin.
So, yeah, I don't think dying was a bad experience for Charles. Not a good one, per se, but one that led to the best thing in his existence.
#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dbd#edwin payne#edwin paine#charles rowland#painland#payneland#paynland#chedwin#charles x edwin#edwin x charles#i am v emotional about them always#and is such an interesting choice of framing to me#is it bad if you are in pain and cold and literally dying#or is this being offset by meeting the most important person in your whole existence#(it is)
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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ok well honestly sometimes crying and letting yourself feel your own feelings fully DOES make situations better
and easier to cope with
idk i feel like letting myself truly feel what i feel makes it easier to get over stuff.
yeah, i might push stuff away sometimes bc…. it hurts….
but letting myself feel that hurt can actually help me heal from it.
so yeah, FEEL YOUR FEELINGS
#i am an emotional person#so i tend to feel a lot#and sometimes it’s exhausting and overwhelming which is why i sometimes just push it away and distract myself#but fully letting myself feel stuff is one of the best ways for myself to get over them or through them or whatever#so sometimes i really do have to let myself#feel my feelings#yeah that’s it#atlas the thinker#personal
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chat how are we feeling
#i am not feelign good personally. so many emotions . oh my fucking god i love sanford so much i have to die#(im being dramatic btw. so happy abt this episode but its currently manifestign as me staring into space like a detective on a cold case)#oh my god. oh my GOD#madness combat#madness combat 12#madness combat 12 spoilers#sanford madness combat#mc sanford#deimos madness combat#mc deimos#sanmos#I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE KRINKELS SAID “LOVE WINS” AFTER ALL THAT. IM GOING FUCKGIN INSANE OVER THAT. MY FUCKIGN GOD. CHRIST#my art#simmons likes to draw
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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Please consider for a moment that Edwin's version of "Edwin's the brains. I'm the brawn." is
"This is Charles. He's my people person."
#edwin payne#charles rowland#i just love imagining that in his voice#and him just dismissing people with this#nonono please direct all personal and emotional inquiroes to Charles#he is our resident people person. I am not the personable one in this equation
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this is not me trying to defend nintendo's business practices or say that either of these games don't have flaws, but I think a lot of the comparisons people are making between breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom are a little unfair and don't really take into account that they are different games with different purposes.
"breath of the wild feels so empty compared to tears of the kingdom" ... yeah? with breath of the wild, one of the game's main themes was isolation. you wake up in the future far after the apocalypse you were trying to prevent has already settled. you have no memories, very little strength. just like hyrule, just like zelda, all you have is your will to continue. breath of the wild is the quiet moments, the secret spaces, the weight of the world that has continued to turn without you still resting on your shoulders.
tears of the kingdom is not like that. hyrule is no longer the wild. it is no longer quiet and lonely. there's community. every sidequest is intertwined. your friends fight alongside you. this isn't "fixing" breath of the wild, this is it's natural continuation. as time goes on the world continues to heal and rebuild. if breath of the wild was clawing hope, tears of the kingdom is direct action.
like yeah there are things tears is doing better and (imo) things breath of the wild did better. but i don't think either one is a replacement for the other.
#tloz#breath of the wild#botw#totk#tears of the kingdom#inspired by two posts#one saying tears should have been botw dlc#which i think must have come from someone who hasn't played tears (which is fine)#and the other saying botw shouldn't have existed and they should have just released totk#which i also don't think would be ideal#personally botw is still my favorite game#its really beautiful and emotional#i do understand and agree with a lot of the criticism against it#but i am fond of the slower‚ quieter pace it has#ive never played anything else quite like it#even totk
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Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')
#tomgreg#succession#dont even talk to me i started watching this show when i had nothing to do at work and now i watch it with averiel my good friend averiel#and we are going to watch s4 together and i feel physically ill from bein so excited#so ya thats what ive been up to... anyway. i love these idiots they desever nothing but the worst (affectionate)#im also a tomshiv lover btw. im the one who yells 'THIS IS HOW TOMSHIV CAN STILL WIN' while they are actively losing on screen#thats the kind of person i am#dont look at me (lying on the floor)#okay i was not going to say stuff in the tags and let the art speak for itself but i NEED to point out details in the wine Painting..#i put a lot of work into that one. thinly veiled metaphors and symbolism yknow..#greg is gripping the stem of the wine glass with his full fist. tom and greg are dressed in the same outfit (sock garters included)#greg look appalled but he is not doing anything about the spill. tom is fondly pouring greg more and more wine. he is doing him a favor#i colored the red wine the same way i would color blood :) oh and tom is not really touching greg#only holding the chair in place. greg is making himself look smaller than he is like usual#oh and @ the person who said that it's the inverse of the tom and nate scene i love the way you think. i did not think of that before#but god. yeah. i actually thought about the scene change from when roman uhh.. christens his office in s1. the one with the coffee machine#i always go insane at that cut. this is not exactly the same since it's more.. about emotions but yknow.. it can be.. the same...
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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We could have had it all...
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#oh man....the NieYao dynamic....All these complex emotions and ties to each other and they *aren't* canon?#Sorry fellas but the way you proposed writing your bro a letter of recommendation & agreeing to it was very fruity.#And *then* Lan Xichen shows up. And both JGY and NMJ are head over heels for him and have been for ages apparently.#Its like they found out that LXC had been two timing them this whole time and their response was: “UM. HOT?”#I'm tempted to redraw these three as that one bisexual-core image with Anne Hathaway. You know the one. It fits.#It's strange seeing all of this fondness in retrospect compared to the betrayal you feel in The Untamed after a longer build up.#Initially it felt like 'oops we made him a little too 2 dimensional as a villain - quick make him more sympathetic'.#JGY even had a scene with him kissing babies. As any politician would do to improve their image.#but it does come around to really showing a more authentic JGY and the tension between him and NMJ.#As an angst lover I am personally all for 'what could have been' relationships and they DO have it all.
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is this anything
#OFMD#OFMD Season 2#OFMD S2 Spoilers#Gentlebeard#Blackbonnet#Edward Teach#Stede Bonnet#Edit#okay stay with me here lol STAY WITH ME HERE#ed's face really has me feeling some kind of way#((i mean that's a given lol but his EXPRESSION there more like))#i keep staring at it and going back and forth between thinking it's awe/reluctant intrigue#as though he's furrowing his brow because he WANTS to not get butterflies for stede but stede is making that Very Difficult HSDJKLS#OR#and hence me making this set-#he's feeling some sort of complicated emotion in seeing stede step away from the person he met him as#the colorful bitchy poised fine thing he fell in love with#because i am ALSO sitting here wondering if stede is doing this all entirely on his own volition#or if he was ENCOURAGED to do so by izzy or someone else as like a#'it'll win you more respect and win you back ed's heart if you act and dress this way' type deal#like something something another ongoing commentary on masculinity something something#but it could ALSO be stede really wanting that world/respect/look for HIMSELF#something something stede and ed wanting to be each other and delving into each other's realms something#but just as it soured a bit for ed#i have to wonder if it'll also sour a bit for stede#and they'll consequently find 'the other home' they're looking for in EACH OTHER#and settle into a mixture of swashbuckling ruggedness/finery and subsequently complete/compliment each other#IDK i'm not being very coherent about it HA but i have many many thoughts of course#stede changing up his entire aesthetic just has me very very intrigued on how he's going to move forward#and how others are going to perceive him
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Yes, YES; This one gets it.
#bg3#halsin#the bear thing is haha and all#but the scene/mood/dialogue is straight outta the pages of a racy romance novel#and for people that love this it's gratifying and touching that it's a scenario that's crafted with much care and seriousness#as opposed to being something to be ashamed of#as if emotions and intimacy don't belong in a narrative experience especially one so personal like idk A ROLEPLAYING GAME#to me THAT'S why this is a big thing for a flagship CRPG to go all in on#optional bear necessities aside#And we don't even know yet how the other companions' will be like#Gale & Astarion's will personally attack me I guess#Fed I am thoroughly fed
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warning this might be a nothing post i'm just a little emotional & rambling but like... i think a lot about hometown showdown and gay and not proud a lot. and i understand this was in the peak of YouTube's fuckery with Dan and disrupting his plans for DINOK so i understand there's like a tension behind a lot of what was ongoing. i also realize that YouTube-- more obviously with hometown showdown-- but generally had strong business rationale for wanting Phil to feature in these videos, with Dan & Phil being the duo of HS and Phil being there in gay and not proud (sorry the acronym for this looks ugly).
but man... i think a lot about how hometown showdown was just kind of a lot of dates. i've not seen the other ones but i hear a lot that they were way more competitive versus Dan and Phil were just casually exploring their hometowns together, showing pieces of themselves to the other. i think about all the dialogue that was cut (that I think was alluded to in WDAPTEO 2?)
and i think about like. the seismic Importance of Phil being in gay and not proud as like... Dan's safe space. the same way he's remote crisis manager, the same way he was part of WAD's pre & post show, the same way he filmed that haircut video basically to promo YWGTTN and Dan is leaving me to talk about WAD. the same way that Dan got a taxi to his place after his nightmare experience at the laundromat to do laundry because "for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe."
and after the latest mukbang it's like... it's really insane to me how their personal relationship has continued despite the pressures they've faced as being a comedic influencer duo. the fact that they work as business partners but still have this relationship. the fact that even in these YouTube originals that Dan was resentful of at the time anyway you can still glowingly see how much they love each other. like Phil being in gay and not proud wasn't a cameo, it was a fucking love confession.
i dunno. this is something that's been talked about a Lot but i do think about it frequently. i don't tend to rewatch these specials a lot because Jesus Christ the editing really gets me, but like... idk. "you're next to me in my life," or whatever. 15 years have passed and Phil's still cheerleading for Dan, from his first YouTube video to his first solo tour. i dunno.
#astra.txt#dan and phil#phan#i've said this before but that was the part of basically i'm gay that i think helped me the most personally. or at least really affected me#the idea of meeting someone who made you feel safe. and for a while i kind of thought i had that and then i reflect and i'm like...#... no i shouldn't really settle. because it IS so important.#one person accepting you CAN make all the difference. and i'm so glad Dan was able to find that person#and also obviously that Phil has Dan because Dan loves and supports Phil a lot too.#hate when i'm overly emotional about these videos because i don't want to rewatch but i am like mentally compelled to#the fact that Dan has done a lot of genuinely impressive solo work and Phil is like right there being like#guys read this book! guys go see him on tour! 45 minute masterpiece!#it's dan's birthday lets get that to trend! like UGH.
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