#I am an awkward thing but thank you~

[youssefguedira]

K or N for Joe and/or Nicky

K. On the edge of consciousness.

Yusuf wakes slowly, so slowly that he can’t see and isn’t even sure he can open his eyes, only half-sure he still has eyes, and that’s how he knows there’s something very, very wrong. He can’t move, can’t hear, can’t even smell anything. He doesn’t remember exactly what happened to him, but every part of him is burning, and he’s fairly sure the weird aching sensation in his head is his skull knitting itself back together, which. He really, really didn’t need to know what that feels like. 

There’s a scraping in his chest when he breathes in, but at least he’s breathing. 

Where is he? He could be anywhere. He could be in the middle of the street, could have been dragged away from the fighting from someone who had seen him breathing through a wound that should have killed him immediately. When he wakes, what will he find? Will they have taken his weapon? How long has he been dead? 

Will Nicolò be able to find him, if they are separated? Will he even try?

Slowly but steadily, he starts to hear something: a high pitched whistling that sounds like it’s coming from deep inside his own head. The darkness begins to lift, leaving flickering amber lights across his vision, and a shadow in front of him. 

There’s a voice, too, one that sharpens into words as Yusuf’s hearing begins to return. He doesn’t understand their meaning, but the cadence of them and the voice itself is familiar. 

“Are you awake?” Nicolò asks softly, switching to Arabic. 

Yusuf tries to make a sound in response. Whether it’s audible he doesn’t know, because the only noise he can really make is a rasping exhale, but Nicolò hushes him anyway.

“Do not… you can be slow,” Nicolò says. He’s more comfortable with the sounds of the language now, but still doesn’t always string sentences together well. “We are safe. I am here.”

He’s made aware of where his hand is by the feeling of Nicolò reaching for it. Yusuf manages to make an actual sound this time, but still can’t form words. Nicolò squeezes his hand gently. 

“I am here,” he says again. 

Eventually, Yusuf’s skull seems to piece itself back together fully, and his vision sharpens, letting him see that they’re backed into the corner of the two remaining intact walls of a house ravaged by fire, Nicolò crouched in front of him with his sword in hand. There’s a trail of blood leading to where Yusuf is lying now, and a section of the room that has collapsed. He can piece together enough. Nicolò would have had to drag him over here.

This time, he manages to make a sound, even if he can’t quite form words. Nicolò looks down at him over his shoulder, and there is blood on his face and in his hair, and only then does Yusuf notice the bodies in the room. 

“Okay?” Nicolò asks. 

Yusuf manages to nod, and it sends a spike of pain along his spine. Nicolò turns slightly to look at him properly. 

“You are almost done, I think,” he says. “You did not… you were asleep for a long time. I did not know if…”

“Nicolò,” Yusuf finally manages, hoarse.

“Rest,” Nicolò says. “I am here.”

(letter asks)

[byfulcrums]

i cannot stop thinking about anissa and marky though [COMIC SPOILERS]

how did he react when he learned what his mother did? just like mark, he lived a lie. he thought his mother was kind and nice — the only thing that is true is that she loved him, but now, he has no idea if he should believe it

and. you've grown up being conditioned to believe that violence is peace, and that kindness is a lie and a weakness. you hurt people. by hurting a person, by destroying him irreparably, you found the boy you love most: your son. and you don't regret it. you hope one day, once he sees him, he'll get it. but you still don't regret it. you can't say you're sorry

marky will grow up without his biological father, because when mark hugs him he can only remember his mother and what she did to him. your father can't love you the way your mom did. you can't love your mother the way your father loved his

the worst part is, that it she hadn't done it, you wouldn't have existed. you wouldn't be here. your father will grow to love you. you will grow to accept each other. but you tend to wonder — if he never sees you as anything else other than your mother's son, then who will you have when everyone else you know dies?

[hood-ex]

I have seen you talking about Dick & Dami's relationship and Dick & Tim as well,but what are your takes on Dick and Jason actually?

Like how you wish their relationship should be portrayed today and where are them missing when it comes to making those two acting like siblings?

Do you think in the past their dynamic was better?

How Dick views Jason and how Jason views Dick?

This is difficult to answer because there are like 8 different stages to Dick and Jason's relationship with various dynamics. They also view each other a bit differently depending on which stage we're talking about.

The way I would like their relationship to be portrayed today isn’t necessarily possible thanks to Jason’s integration into the family and acceptance of the no killing moral code. For me, their ideal dynamic is portrayed in Outsiders #44-46. And I know people are gonna find that regressive as hell but, tbh, that dynamic is far more interesting than the kinda awkward thing they have going on now.

Although, I don't mind that they acknowledge their brotherhood in a serious manner now. Like before they'd kinda be like, "Eh... I mean... we were adopted from the same guy but... brothers? Eh..." And now they're more firmly in the, "We're brothers," camp. So that development is interesting.

Character progression wise, it wouldn't feel right for for them to be super close in the way that, say, Dick and Tim are (unless we saw a lot of trust and relationship building between them), but at the same time, there is part of me that kind of wants them to have that older sibling bond (except Jason is closer in age to Tim than he is to Dick sooo actually let's just leave older sibling things to Dick and Cass... not that Cass is much older than Jason though so LOL this is why Dick has to lone the oldest sibling thing by himself... which is funny because Dick is technically no longer the oldest sibling, he's a baby brother now... except Dick and Melinda's relationship really hasn't progressed much sooo you could say they share blood but don't consider each other family yet, in which case, Dick is still the oldest... I mean, regardless, Dick is the oldest sibling of the Waynes... god why did they have to make all of this so difficult 😫).

[spielzeugkaiser]

the love child update from today was 🔥🔥🔥 outstanding as always, i’ve read it like 12 times already i love them sm

i can’t remember if this is smth you already addressed, so feel free to ignore this if it is, but does milek know that geralt is his dad? like obviously jaskier told him to find geralt if he was ever in trouble, and he knows about their friendship, but does he know how far it went? and if he does, does he know that geralt doesn’t know? i just feel like that conversation they had today could be read so many different ways, like are they talking past each other? is milek facepalming bc goddamnit both his dads are morons, fucking typical? so many possibilities!

Ohh, that is a good question, I guess the whole thing is a bit convoluted.

Milek knows that Geralt is his father, he knows that his parents have a long, but complicated history (in which Milek is under the impression that his parents were a couple at one point and Jaskier feels like they were fuckbuddies at best. He felt rather used at times, more like a substitute for Yennefer).

Milek was taught from a young age that he is not supposed to tell anyone about this. First it was a safety measure because Nilfgaard was looking for them and later it continued to be one; they're already not seen in the most positive light and in the best case, it would look like he's lying. In the worst case he would meet anti-witcher sentimentalities. He learned later that Geralt has no idea either - which is something Jaskier needed some time to realise too, as he was accusing Geralt in his talk with Yennefer here about knowing it, but still sending him away.

So there are years of secrecy drilled into Milek, and he knows Jaskier would be fine with him telling Geralt, because I do think Jaskier and Milek had the the talk once he was older that it's his decision if he wants to get to know and tell his father, or not, but.

I think he imagined that talk a hundred times. He daydreamed about this a lot. But now, in reality? The thought of saying something is a suddenly very, very scary.

[melrosing]

anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me

[angstigone]

Dropping by to give you this ❤️

oh well, I... it seem you dropped this as well...

[disorganizedkitten]

Listen. I deeply dislike being my own PR team.

This feels like such a dumb thing to complain about but genuinely it's?? so much work? I have social anxiety but equally it is my own responsibility to network and make my own work sound appealing and it's just. Such a Feeling.

I can talk about myself and my writing all the time, that part's not hard at all, but making sure that when I talk about it it sounds appealing? Being in charge of enticing others to actually interact?

Deeply tiring. I dislike interactions whose goal is advertisement and I UNDERSTAND it's different when it's indie creators and fanworks and not capitalism/consumerism but I think I'm still a bit rough from consumer culture, you know?

I just want to create and shout into the void and it not be tiring but at the same time I crave validation and I want to be known and it is. a dilemma.

[gu6chan]

99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????

[mitamicah]

My little thank you to Nace for liking my art three days ago ended up being me writing a comment on his newest post that he may or may not read :'D

[todayisafridaynight]

SORRY TO TAKE SUCH A HARD LEFT BUT HOW DO YOU THINK JO FOUND OUT ARAKAWA WAS DEAD

IM GOING TO SCREAM IF I TRY TO THINK ABOUT THAT NOOOOO I GOTTA GET BACK TO YOU IN 5-7 BUSINESS DAYS WITH THAT ONE............

[yuigadokson]

Thinking out loud but i feel the many online friends that i got to hang out online watching stuff with were truly good at inviting ;_; and i am so bad/embarrassed about it like i will be hahaha heee do you wanna watch a movie together teehee haha no force (throws up)

[cassynite]

"Happy Valentines day, Sparrow and Daeran!

I know we don't know each other terribly well yet, but you are Daeran's chosen partner and so I must send my congratulations - and also extend this as an invitation to get to know you better! I hope he hasn't been as difficult for you as he was for me. Gods knows what kind of pain in the ass he was during the Crusade for me, but he has also been one of my closest and most sincere friends now that this whole mess is over.

I also don't know what he has said about me in response but...! I promise I am not nearly as terrifying and "Hellknighty" as he suggests (only when he pisses me off, which, to be fair, was pretty often). Dae is a wonderful friend to me an I am quite offended he hasn't formally introduced us yet! I had to learn about you second hand from Woljif of all people, gods.

I understand we're both from Cheliax, is that right? Or at least you spent a good amount of time there growing up. Westcrown too, right? I've sent along a few things from the homeland that hopefully give you good memories instead of bad. I know how terrible things are back home right now, but hopefully there is a brighter dawn sooner rather than later. These treats are Wiscrani through and through and I hope they find you well. I grew up there when it was still the capital and these haven't changed in over a century! They're just as nostalgic as when I used to swipe them from the stalls as little street orphan. I'm not sure if Daeran has ever had them but I think he'll like them too! Please enjoy them with this limoncello I've sent from the area, too.

I also heard you've spent quite a lot of time in the Chelaxian courts? I'm sorely out of practice - they used to be my hunting grounds when I was just a fresh Scourge knight after the war - maybe we can meet up for some drinks (your choice on alcoholic or not) and talk about the latest trends? I'm in need of a primer if I want to settle back into my old habits. Or at the very least, we can trade our best war stories about the courts. I have one about the time I sent a young Thrune cousin sprawling across the floors after he tripped on my tail. I have a feeling you'd like that one.

I hope you two have a wonderful Valentine's day! Even Daeran, who has been so rude and a terrible friend as of late (I know you're reading this!)

-Warm regards, Minovae"

Sparrow stared at the letter in the foyer.

It had been a highly diverting day, occupied with a boat ride down the Sellen and an evening dinner. Daeran had secured a group of Desnan singers who performed with no instruments, instead using their own vocals to mimic the sound of fully accompanied music to dramatic effect. Sparrow was still thinking of the sound when she returned home and saw the delivery waiting on the table--the letter, addressed to her and Daeran, along with a brightly wrapped box that tugged at Sparrow's memory in a way she could not place, and a bottle of sunshiny liqueur.

"Daeran," she called, gathering the items and moving to their rooms. "Were you expecting correspondence from anyone?"

"I am always expecting correspondence, darling. Consider just how popular I am among the bored elite," Daeran said, which Sparrow took as a 'no.' He had already begun to undress for the day, and she felt the heat of his body as he sidled up behind her. He rested his cheek on the top of her head and tilted the envelope to read the address. "I recognize the handwriting. It seems Minovae wrote."

"Minovae?"

"I've spoken to you about her before," Daeran said, amused. He took the box and the bottle from Sparrow. "I distinctly recall bringing her up after we had finished repaving those endless paths around the lake, when we discussed who we might be inviting by."

The name did seem familiar, though Sparrow was embarrassed to realize she couldn't place it. She broke the seal and pulled out the letter, reading through the clear, confident script. "Ah. The field maralictor."

"Minovae," Daeran corrected. "She usually doesn't bite people's heads off for using her first name. Unless you annoy her, which I doubt you'd have accomplished before now since she didn't know you existed."

Daeran had told her of the woman before. He had even made the same comment about it being fine to refer to her by her given name when he brought up the possibility of meeting and making acquaintance.

Sparrow hadn't believed him. She had heard "Hellknight from Cheliax," and then "married to our old friend Regill," and she'd immediately created the person in her head that she felt would fit those descriptors. It had not been someone she was terribly eager to meet, and though she hadn't said anything of the sort, Daeran hadn't brought up the subject again.

The voice behind the letter did not match the person Sparrow had imagined. The person who wrote this seemed excited, had asked to meet, had called Daeran a dear friend even as she called him a pain in the ass. Minovae reminded Sparrow more of Seelah than Derenge. She seemed kind, and hopeful, but clearly also loved her country and her duties to the Order.

A dissonance, Sparrow would have called it. Or a lie. But what would be the purpose? Why would Daeran think of her as a friend if she were anything other than what Sparrow was seeing in this letter?

We are more than the places we come from. Sparrow had said that once, in defense of her own time in Cheliax, back when people thought she was Lady Evaethi Arvanxi. People were more than their land, and land was more than its bad history, its bad rulers.

And yet here she had been, doing what she had so resented of others doing to her--placing the burdens of her grief with her homeland onto someone else she'd never met and pressing a person down into a single experience. She didn't know Minovae. And from what she was seeing by this letter, and the lovely gifts, Minovae was someone she might want to know. Someone she might be friends with if she was brave enough.

Sparrow had so few memories of Westcrown that were positive in any way, and none that were not tinged with the soul-crushing hopelessness that came with being a tool to be used as needed and discarded when done, captive with no escape in sight. But Cheliax was more than those memories, more than her slavery. It had a different past, and hopefully a different future, one she barely knew of and had deliberately ignored; to her, it had only been a place to escape.

And apparently it boasted the sweets Daeran was unwrapping, fruit tarts and soft fresh-looking pound cake and dark chocolates cupped in filmy white wrapping. Sparrow had seen the packaging before when she had roamed the streets of Cheliax's former capital with Evaethi; she was reasonably sure she'd walked by the very patisserie these were made. She had never once tried any of these things.

Her throat tightened, and she abruptly felt ashamed. She looked back down at the letter, at the cheerful introduction of someone Daeran had told her of over six months ago. "I'll write back. Perhaps we can arrange a time to formally meet."

Sparrow should also send gifts; it would be appropriate. Sweets? Regill never seemed to care for such things. Would it also be seen as tired, since that was what they had received? Perhaps there was something of interest in her library she could obtain a copy for--or were books also boring? Maybe--

The letter was pulled from her hands, and Daeran folded the contents away in the envelope. "Not tonight, you won't."

Sparrow reached for the letter and scowled when Daeran stepped away. "It would be rude not to respond as soon as possible."

"Dearest, I have seen you pen correspondence to individuals who make you nervous for no discernible reason. You'll take days to write 'yes, let's meet and get to know each other' in a register so formal my cousin would find it excessive in high court, and then fret about the entire ordeal until you receive a response. That stress can wait until tomorrow--our day together is not yet over and I would like to enjoy the rest of it with you."

"I--" Sparrow sighed and stepped back. "I should still start tonight."

"Or," Daeran opens the box and takes out a piece of chocolate, "we could try the confectioneries that were so generously provided for us and enjoy the rest of the holiday. If you have an opinion on the sweets, you can even put it in the letter, which is practically beginning to write back anyways. Here, tell me what you think."

Sparrow held out her hand, but Daeran stepped close again and pressed the chocolate to her lips. She rolled her eyes, but opened up and let him pop it into her mouth--she inhaled sharply when she bit down and the bittersweet notes of the chocolate melded with the hidden fruit filling. "Oh, that is lovely."

"Is it? Let me try." Daeran swooped down and kissed her, pressing her mouth open and tasting the sugar on her tongue. Sparrow mind went white-blank and fuzzy at the edges. Pulling back, he smiled at her slightly vacant expression. "I agree, very sweet."

"It wasn't that sweet actually," Sparrow said, trying to collect her scattered thoughts.

"Really? My mistake. Let's try again with the rest of the gifts. I would very much like to sample that limoncello."

#

[A letter written on thick paper in a formal, though exceedingly correct and simple script.]

"Greetings and Happy belated Valentine's Day, Field-Maralictor Aur Minovae.

(First, please let me know if you are comfortable with informal address. Daeran insists that you would not care, but I would not wish to be overfamiliar.) This letter was a surprise, but a very welcome one.

Your letter, and your gifts, arrived in good condition, to Daeran's particular delight.  He mentioned that you both had not corresponded in some time and had expressed regret at that fact. Woljif had not mentioned he was traveling south, or Daeran would have reached out before now; he stated he will rectify this issue "as soon as, and in the most surprising way, possible for the dear Paralictor's health." Please interpret this in the worst way possible and prepare accordingly.

I myself have been rather busy with the educational program I am hoping to have fully institutionalized by next year in Drezen, but that is not an excuse. Daeran spoke very highly of your leadership prowess (he insisted I inform you that he called you "very boring most of the time" and "incredibly frightening to your enemies" which I interpreted to mean you were more than competent in your past and present duties--not that Paralictor Derenge would have found a partner in anyone less). He also had spoken of setting up an arrangement to meet, something I had been too busy to look at fully. I do apologize for that oversight.

Your letter was an incredibly kind gesture, especially considering we had not been in touch before now. Thank you again for your correspondence. I would be honored, if you were still amenable, to meeting face-to-face.

I do not think I would be able to return to Cheliax in the near future, but if you were planning on traveling north perhaps we could arrange to meet in Mendev? The renovations at Heaven's Edge are nearly complete and would be open to supporting guests, if you would like, and Drezen of course has open doors for travelers. Fye, of the Half-Measure Tavern, mentions you fondly, and I still try to support his business when I can, so we could meet there if that sounds feasible. If that is too far of a trip for you, Daeran has made comments about traveling to the River Kingdoms recently, and I have been hoping to make time to go to Andoran within the year to visit Sosiel. Perhaps we could arrange for a rendezvous at a halfway point.

I do not know if I would be very helpful, but I could certainly speak on the Cheliaxian Court with you as it was before I left several years ago. I'm sure you know that House Arvanxi has fallen into decline in the past century, so my presence had never been required for high social events, but I might be able to offer some advice. In return I would like to learn more about the Cheliax of your youth. It would be nice, to learn more about what the nation used to be like, and what it could be again one day.

And thank you again, formally, for the gifts. Daeran had not sampled any of the delicacies you provided before, and had insisted we share them together, which was a very lovely experience. I was partial to the dark chocolate, myself. I do not know if you ever found yourself partial to the desserts common in Mendev, but a new shop specializing in baked sweets opened recently in Drezen that I've become fond of. I've provided some samples with this letter.

For the Paralictor, who I recall did not like sweets overmuch, I've provided a copy of Indarah's latest volume on her historical examination of the Last War of Jistka. There is a chapter on military tactics used during Osirion's final push to victory that I believe he might find particularly interesting; I've marked the passage for him.

Both Daeran and I hope your Valentine's Day was as fulfilling and happy as you helped make ours. I know Paralictor Derenge needs to be pulled away from his work at times, but hopefully you managed without too much trouble. I look forward to speaking with you, and meeting with you, soon.

Best wishes,

Sparrow and Daeran Arendae

[fappellmoan]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

[roses-and-tears]

feeling more and more unappreciated and unimportant by my co workers

[flhoarder]

Therapy might help…? Either way, hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

Hey thanks for actually reading that word salad!??!

It probably would if stars align, I’ve heard really good things from people. I have tried myself but never turned out too effective. I think my issue is I couldn’t will myself to tell a real person about these things. It’s stupid, but that’s a whole issue on its own.

It was a damned miracle that I got diagnosed for my other thing but psychiatrists are different. Nowadays I just walk in and go “hi doc, the usual” and out of the door in 30 seconds. With therapy, well, you gotta actually talk. That’s a hell of a mental block to get through.

[teaandinanity]

Am I restarting CotL again so I can take the Pit Fight ritual instead of the Wedding and unlock that in the postgame so I can marry a tsundere cat boy without anyone else asking first? MAYBE SO.