#I am Opinionated about grocery stores

[goodluckclove]

hey I'm going to give some grocery store opinions that'll likely only be interesting to people who do the grocery shopping on the regular.

I didn't have much direct experience with Walmart for most of my life. I knew they were known for some terrible business practices - enough that even as we've started ordering pickups from them like twice a month I still supplement our regular groceries from a variety of other, likely better sources. I have struggled a lot with finding a decent big grocery store to Main, as they're all pretty bad for a variety of reasons.

Fred Meyer is overpriced, and their app to order for pickup is legitimately unusable. Grocery Outlet is well-priced, but their selection can be odd and they don't do curbside so I can't get as much as I'd like back on my bike. WinCo is even cheaper and has bulk products, but they don't do curbside either and after a few months of exhausting myself from a single trip there alone my wife has made me promise to stop going there.

Walmart has a much better app, which is nice. I ended up going there in person today, though, and was forced to reckon with the true horror which is the Physical Walmart Experience. Like the layout of the store? It was truly fucked and it left me jarred to the core for the rest of the day. My bones are sick. Why did they do this to me.

It didn't spiral me like a WinCo or a crowded CostCo would. But fuck it was surreal. Everything was categorized by the macro genre of Thing without there being any labels on the aisles themselves? Hey this is the Home section. You want more details? Fuck you.

I think I circled the circumference of the store several times in a daze. I kept checking the Pet section and wondered why they had options for bird and lizard owners but so few choices in cat supplies. There were several smaller register counters in different parts of the store. I bought a bubble gun for four dollars and I have no idea why I did that.

At one point I ended up in the coffee aisle for the third time and quietly considered dropping everything and just leaving. Not out of panic, but out of a strange calm that was far more disturbing. Like I could just walk away. Walk home, maybe, even though I biked there. Or maybe just sort of wander into the mountains.

Once I bought what I did (Nine forks? Apple dish soap??? Toffee instant espresso????) I unlocked my wife's bike and remembered they requested I get batteries. I did not get batteries. I don't even know where the batteries would've been in that void realm.

Luckily I am in a mutually neurodivergent marriage and they were very understanding.

Uh anyways if you shop groceries drop your grocery shopping strat. Here's mine currently:

Walmart for pantry/snacks/cleaning stuff

[Insert Local Market Name] for local produce and bread, with whatever odds and ends we might need throughout the week (I am there like twice a week. It's like weirdly well-priced I was surprised)

I will get frozen meals/apps from Safeway since I get my meds there. I'll probably go there tomorrow since I'm making sushi bowls and my wife only likes the kind of Americanized pickled ginger

[atissi]

bloggers who can't shut up are like the foundation of any fandom experience

[theyamwizard]

sometimes I peek into RateMe reddit subs just to see what straight people are up to and its WILD bc there'll be like 10 guys in a row that I would love to bite and they're all getting 2-5 ratings and then theres a guy who's the physical manifestation of the name Jason with comments saying "definitely a 9. incredible bone structure"

[cottonlemonade]

crush!Meian who you always see around the grocery store because you have a similar schedule. You go for a lot of the same items and the annoying chore of grocery shopping soon becomes his favorite day of the week.

crush!Meian who always hurries to the bread section for his favorite only to see you toss the last bag of it into your cart, shooting him a wide grin and peace sign.

hopeless crush!Meian who doesn’t remember how to be cool and suave when eventually he reaches the aisle at the same time as you and you both go for the last bread and he pulls back telling you to have it.

“Oh. Why?”, you asked in surprise.

Because you touched it first, he thought.

“Because I’m in love with you.”, he said.

new boyfriend!Meian who brings you every single ointment the pharmacy has to offer when you cut your finger during cooking. He lays out six different tubes and explains that they are for different stages of healing when you interrupt him with a kiss as Thank You.

new boyfriend!Meian who cannot and will not keep his hands to himself when you’re even somewhat close by. Your love handles and pudgy thighs are his absolute favorite.

long term boyfriend!Meian who can’t stop smiling when he watches you getting ready for a date or waiting for him on the couch after training, everything prepared to continue the show you’re both obsessed with and kiss the stress of the day away. He will 100% rest his head on your tummy while you play with his hair.

long term boyfriend!Meian who practices his proposal speech in front of the mirror several times, not realizing that the bathroom door has been open the whole time, and when he comes out, you tell him sweetly that version four was your favorite as you fix his tie.

newlywed husband!Meian who forgets everything to do with volleyball in the post-game interviews, because he is too busy scanning the crowd for you. In his honeymoon phase he is a PR nightmare because all he wants to talk about is his wife. Any excuse to bring up his wife. Ask him about his thoughts on his opponent and he will somehow mention his wife.

newlywed husband!Meian who was once asked, “What, in your opinion, is your greatest accomplishment to date?” and everything the captain could think of was, “My wife recently taught me how to air flip pancakes and I did it on the third try.”

a/n: I am watching Love Next Door and the ointment scene was too cute not to use!

[moonstruckme]

hello lovely girl!

this is quite specific so please bear with me, but i am deaf in my left ear so i constantly am hearing only half of conversations i am in and constantly pulling people to my right side or sitting across so i can fully hear them. in loud areas i refuse to wear my hearing aids because it’s honestly torture with how much louder everything gets and it’s quite overwhelming.

no pressure in the slightest because you probably receive at least 100 requests a day, but if this is your cup of tea, would you do poly!marauders or any marauder x fem!partiallydeaf!reader? maybe she’s just upset she can’t hear properly and feels like a burden? however you wanna spin this darling!! thanks for even reading it xxx

Hey gorgeous, thank you for requesting!

cw: alcohol

Sirius Black x hearing impaired!reader ♡ 912 words

Sirius is talking loudly, nearly shouting, but his fingers are soft and gentle against yours. He toys with your hand like it was made for his amusement, his rings brushing against your skin as he folds your fingers in, spreads them out, runs a short nail up the length of your pinkie as light as a breeze. He smooths his thumbs over your palm like he’s flattening out the creases in a piece of paper. 

“Why don’t you just go to a different grocery?” Lily is the only one who seems to find Pandora’s story more concerning than amusing. 

“Because,” Pandora says patiently, “if I stop going, who will feed the goose? I’m not sure if anyone else does. He seems rather neglected.” 

“He bit your hand!” 

“Which makes it seem like he was quite hungry, no?” 

Without warning, music blares into the room. It ricochets off the walls, rising over the cheers of your friends as they recognize the song. You wince, a hand finding your ear. 

Sirius’ hand leaves yours. He holds it out in front of you for you to put your hearing aid into. You do, and he stores it safely in his jacket pocket, getting up and moving to your right side automatically. 

“Okay?” he asks. 

“Yeah.” You smile at him. “Thanks.” 

He kisses you on the cheek, lips staying close to your ear. “Evans is worried about the goose being around children.” You turn your attention back to your friends, and you can see the gestures and expressions corresponding to Sirius’ account. “Rosier thinks it has a nest nearby. She’s, well, a bit unhappy that human children are taking priority. And James is back with our drinks.” 

The last part you could’ve ascertained on your own. James is carrying four cups in his two hands, seemingly unaware of the liquid sloshing out on all sides to coat his knuckles in stickiness. He peers into the cups concentratedly as he stops in front of you, passing one off to Remus before holding two more out to you and Sirius. 

“This one’s yours, babe.” He leans slightly to your right as he speaks. “No vodka, right?” 

You nod gratefully. You know James is Sirius’ best mate, but after you’d started dating it almost felt like he became yours, too. He treats you like he’s known you forever, includes you in all their conversations, and remembers things like how the taste of vodka makes you gag. He teases you like you’re best mates as well. 

“Wuss,” he says, plopping down in the spot Sirius vacated.

Sirius makes a dramatic gasping sound. “Excuse me! Darling, would you like me to defend your honor?” 

You take a sip of your drink. It’s sweet and made the way you like it. “Not this time,” you hum. 

“Fair enough.” He shoots James a faux glare, speaking to you. “Now Marl’s asking why Rosier goes to a grocery that far out of the city anyway. Good point.” 

Sirius uses his whispering as an excuse to get you close, working a hand around your shoulders and tugging you up against him so his breath warms your ear as he speaks. The conversation is interesting, as are the little comments and opinions Sirius peppers in, speaking to you as though you’re the only one in the room instead of to the group, but you find your mind nonetheless drifting away from it. Sirius’ hand is cupped around your shoulder, tightening every now and again to keep you in place when one of you shifts or his grip starts to slip. The cadence of his voice is enthralling, dipping and curving and getting enthusiastically louder before he remembers to drop it back to a hush, and occasionally on an odd word his lips will tickle the shell of your ear. 

It’s difficult to care what he’s talking about when the talking itself is so lovely. 

“Thanks for doing this.” You turn towards him, half startled to find his nose hardly an inch from yours. Your boyfriend’s lashes flutter momentarily as though it flusters him too, but he collects himself swiftly, quirking a dark brow. You wet your lips. “I appreciate the help. I know it’s not…it can’t be easy, accommodating me all the time.” 

Sirius grins at you. “Course it is, sweetness. It’s easy. I’m only translating.” 

“Well, you don’t have to,” you reply, voice softening self-consciously. “So thank you.” 

Dark eyes roll skybound before settling on you with an intensity that you should be used to but nonetheless pins you as effectively as it did the day you met. “You think I’d rather you use your hearing aid when it’s too much for you? Or leave you not knowing what’s going on? Don’t be silly, it doesn’t cost me anything to sit here and talk to you.” He stamps a kiss on your cheek. “Shocking as it may be, I like talking to you. Got it?” 

Your bashful hum must not be enough for him, because he gives your ear a nibble, a little squeak coming out of you before you can stop it. You both hear and feel Sirius’ laughter, bouncing through his chest as he pulls you closer against his side. “Oh, sod off!” he says to someone, you hope not you. He turns his mouth back towards your ear. “James has just made a ridiculous comment about PDA. The gall of him! Are you sure you don’t want me to defend our honor?”

[five-miles-over]

Hi Mun 👋🏼 just found your blog off some tags lol

I would love it if you could do an age gap hc for joker? How would Arthur deal with developing feelings for a partner who is 10 or even 15 years younger than him?

Thank you so much!

Thanks for your patience, anon! I truly appreciate it. Also, Arthur's head canon turned into a bit of a fic, so I apologize for that.

Headcanon: Arthur Fleck Having an S/O Younger Than Him

"ID Please."

While Arthur accompanied you to the grocery store after your shift at work, you bought a bottle of wine to enjoy with the dinner you planned to cook for Arthur. He was coming over to your apartment for the first time, and you wanted to spoil him with a recipe you saw on a cooking show. So you bought all the ingredients, and a bottle of red.

The cashier glanced at you. "You're twenty-two huh? You look like you should be in high school."

You shook your head, flustered. "Um...thanks?"

After paying, you quickly left the store with your bagged groceries. But just when you reached for Arthur's hand, he flinched.

You didn't think much of it at first, but when you tried to talk to Arthur about something, he simply shrugged it off and said it was nothing

The truth is that, Arthur was still processing the fact that you were in your early twenties.

He knew you were a young beautiful woman, smart and kind. A total catch. And that part of Arthur, the part of his mind that told him he was an outcast and fed him nothing but negative thoughts, constantly said, "She could do so much better than you. You don't deserve her at all. She's the whole package, and what are you? Just some guy who can't even take her out to dinner."

He tried to hold it back as he saw other, bigger guys in Gotham walking with their partners, giving them bouquets of flowers wrapped in shiny plastic and other gifts, telling himself that someday he would do exactly that with you. But knowing that you were at ten years younger than him? That was just more fuel to the fire burning inside him.

"She's got her whole life ahead of her. She's going to find someone better, wait and see." The negative thoughts materialized again. "She's just with you out of pity. Date the sad clown, maybe she just wants to fool around. Wait and see. She's going to meet someone with a lot of money, a lot of status...She'll marry him, and when they're all sitting around at cocktail parties, she'll laugh about the time she dated a sad clown. And say she dodged a bullet."

"Arthur?" You tried to get his attention, and repeated his name a couple of times. "Arthur?"

Arthur, seemingly lost in thought, didn't respond until you stood in front of him, stopping him from crossing the street. "What happened?"

"Nothing," he lied. You crossed your arms, not having any of it. And this made Arthur laugh a bit, not out of amusement but out of fear. "Nothing, really," he lied again between laughs.

"Just tell me."

After a few moments of silence, Arthur simply asked. "Are you really twenty-two?...You're twenty-two."

"Yes. I am."

"That's young."

You shifted your weight to one foot. "I know that."

Arthur mirrored your gesture and swallowed. "So...well, I don't care. It's just young."

"I'm not that young," you rebuffed.

"Young enough that the cashier thinks you're in high school."

You put your hands on your hips, still carrying the bags of groceries. "Is that what this is about? He wasn't hitting on me!"

"No, but someone will," Arthur raised his voice a little. "You're young, what the hell do you know?"

"I know that you're my boyfriend and I love you. I don't care what some cashier says about me, and neither should you."

He shook his head. God how he loved the way you'd get so stubborn about your opinions. It was one of his favorite things about you, but right now, in this moment, it made him even more annoyed. How could you say such a thing, lying through your teeth? And with those three special words? "Bullshit," Arthur muttered, walking away from you to cross the street.

You followed him, huffing with your groceries. "Arthur Fleck, what is wrong with you?! Can't you just...Why are you so mad? Nothing happened! I'm still the same person I was twenty minutes ago."

"No. You're twenty-two." He turned around and lashed out. "You're twelve years younger than I am. What the hell's wrong with you? Hanging around with some old clown, waiting until some rich guy makes you his wife and you can leave me behind!" Your eyes widened. "Is that what you think of me?" Your lips quivered and tears formed in your eyes. "Is that seriously what you think this is, just...hanging around? Oh my god." You looked down as you felt a tear roll down your cheek.

Arthur visibly softened, reaching his hand out but stopping himself just before he could touch you. "I'm such an idiot," you sniffed. "You're right, what do I know?" "I'm sorry," Arthur sighed. "I didn't mean to make you cry." Arthur looked down, into your eyes. "I...was just shocked that you were younger. I thought it would...I don't deserve you. You're great, you're a perfect girl and I don't deserve you." He added, "I love you so damn much."

"I love you too," you looked up. "And I don't want to leave you." He laughed for a few moments with pain in his eyes, and bit the inside of his cheek to quiet down. "I'm so sorry," Arthur repeated and put his hands on your shoulders. "Oh my god, please don't cry. I'm so sorry." He took your grocery bags in his hands. "Let's go."

You and Arthur went back to your apartment, and didn't talk about your age for the rest of the night. But you did spend the evening together, telling each other - and showing each other - how much you really loved each other.

Joker Having an S/O Younger Than Him Would Include...

In complete contrast to Arthur, Joker finding out you were ten or fifteen years younger than him would excite him

He'd turn it into a complete kink, calling you his "personal little baby doll"

Whenever you'd go out, you'd be on his lap, him stroking your thighs and your hair.

Unless you were absolutely against the aesthetic, Joker would love to dress you in coquettish clothing - plaid mini skirts, knee-high white socks, white and pastel blouses that he would ruin with grease facepaint while making out with you, and corsets he would rip off you before having his way with you

And if you ever called him "daddy"? Watch out and be prepared to be dragged into the most private area by the Joker. Hope you didn't have any plans for the next...hour

In general, the Joker would be extremely protective of you, keeping his arm around your waist while you walked.

He'd spoil you with anything you ever wanted, acting almost like your sugar daddy while you window shopped.

And when it got cold, he'd put his red suit jacket over your shoulders saying, "Daddy's not going to let his baby doll freeze."

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

DANCING WITH FIERCE DANCING WITH FIERCE DANCING WITH FIERCE DANCING WITH FIERCE DANCING WITH FIERCE DANCING WITH FIERCE

Ahem...

How bout a fic where we share, maybe teach Fierce how to dance?

I am living for these fics

I love this idea!! One dance scene coming up, and I'll throw in some /drama/ to sweeten the deal ;)

Smooth

Pairing: Fierce Deity x Reader

Warning(s): some possessive thoughts, but nothing crazy

Masterlist

It was a preposterous idea, in the Fierce Deity's opinion; far too poignant to be introduced at the breakfast table, much less to the likes of him.

"I've picked up the waltz," the Link called 'Warrior' preened, leaning forward to fix you with a gaze the deity couldn't help but loathe. Of course, you were your own person and free to do as you pleased, though that sentiment did nothing to stem the flow of... he dare say it was jealously, through his veins. "I'd be happy to show you, if you'd like."

But sweet, unassuming you only grinned at him from across the table. "I know that one too! Anyone heard of the square dance?"

"I have, but 'm no good," Twilight chimed in, fork piled high with the eggs you and Wild made.

"I can dance on any ship mast!" Wind proclaimed, looking pointedly at everyone before his gaze settled on you. "If we ever end up in my world I'll teach you!"

"I can't wait," there it was, the soft smile that never failed to frame your face when you were truly happy. Fierce hoped you never lost it. Picking at the last of your food, you turned to the deity beside you. "How about you, big guy? You can't tell me you haven't danced at least once."

The Fierce Deity felt a sort of melancholy at your words, mostly because he had not, in fact, danced at least once and partly because impressing you was typically the highlight of his day. "I," he could feel Time's working eye on him, as cerulean as the Termina sky and twice as calculating. "am not familiar with the dances of this world."

That seemed the safest response, and the deity was relieved he could think as quickly on his buttocks as he could on his feet. When understanding settled in your gaze, he knew he made the right choice. "Well, allow me to impart some moves on you in case someone asks for your hand on the floor."

Aside from the fact that he had heard none of those words in the same sentence together, and that he would likely never accept the hand of anyone but you, the Fierce Deity could only helplessly nod, no more ensnared than a fish in a net. At night, your sway over him would be so baffling that he could hardly close his eyes, too caught up in the great mysteries of the heart he didn't know he possessed. "I would like that."

And so it was decided. The conversation devolved to you detailing all the errands the day required, and there was no shortage of help when it came to your needs–you had given them a home, food, and good company, so how could Time and Twilight refuse tending to the petunias, or Wild and Sky the cooking? Hyrule looked as though he would sooner restart his hero's journey than gather ingredients for the stew you had planned for dinner, while Legend's expression indicated that he would rather fight the beast Volga a thousand times over than not assist with laundry, never mind the amount of soiled clothes eleven people undoubtedly generated a week. Four's eyes resembled a mismatched kaleidoscope (he had been quite disturbed when you let him use yours, but the Fierce Deity wasn't one to shy easily) when you asked if he wanted some scrap metal from the neighbor's garage sale, and Wind was downright ecstatic when you invited him to the grocery store. Warriors gaze practically held heart-eyes when you informed him that the sewing materials to fix his ripped scarf would be arriving in the afternoon, only souring when you delegated the last task to the Fierce Deity himself: dance lessons at 4.

It was a laughable thought that his only responsibility was to prepare for lessons on dance, but the Fierce Deity was not one to complain at the newfound freedom, as if you had never offered it before. The tasks you laid out were simply requests, and it was clear that they could back out at any time, not that any of them would, of course. The Fierce Deity knew your behavior would have never passed in his world, and it was one of the things he admired about you, a mere mortal who could convince them of anything. He saw it in Time's eyes, in Twilight's and Wind's and Wild's. Devoted was too soft a word to describe it, but there was no better one.

And as you began to gather plates, chirping happily about the great weather, he began to believe that maybe, just maybe, it was.

You found the Fierce Deity in the living room, sat beside Time and Warriors, their eyes practically glued to the episode of Family Feud playing on the TV. You found it funny how much they enjoyed the show, though you supposed it was a bid to learn more about your culture without having to ask you about every little thing. Wind had even begun to use slang, and while you were proud, his use of 'bro' was simply out of control at times, though nothing could top the time Twilight tried to use 'rad' in a sentence.

Leaning against the wall, you fake-coughed, tapping your watch when they turned to look at you. "Hey, Fierce, you ready to get some moves?"

Despite the obvious differences in word choice between the two of you, Fierce nodded solemnly and followed you to the backyard. A large 'patio' extended nearly to the middle of the yard, and his boots clomped obnoxiously on the slate-colored stone. It had been one of the only articles you allowed him to wear everywhere, as the people of your world tended not to be fond of men in armor that carried swords bigger than they were, which led to several heated discussions from you about proper dress. The Fierce Deity tugged on the sleeves of his grey 'shirt', a gift from you when you realized he was a bit large to shop at regular stores.

"We should be good here," you stated, hands poised on your hips. "I still can't believe you've never danced at all."

"It is not uncommon," responded the Fierce Deity. "Song and dance are for people of mirth."

You raised an eyebrow. "You don't consider yourself a 'person of mirth'?"

"I am the god of war," for a moment, the bitterness in his gaze was almost palpable. "There is no happiness in battle."

"Not even victory?" You were curious of the Fierce Deity, of what the lens of divinity really entailed. Had it truly made him cold, or was it merely a front?

"Especially not victory," he intoned, and you were nearly consumed with the urge to hug him. You'd never denied the vast differences your lives held, but it still stung to hear him speak so... despondently.

"Well," you patted his shoulder in an attempt to lighten the mood. You had. "We haven't had a world war in, like, years, so don't worry your pretty little head about it!"

The Fierce Deity raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on your choice of words, much to your relief. Clapping your hands together, you changed the subject. "You have a very waltz-y style, so we'll start with that."

You offered him your hands, which he took with no hesitation. Contrary to your assumption, his porcelain skin was warm to the touch, and just as smooth. You couldn't help but wonder if all deity's were like this, or if it was merely another thing that set him apart from the gods. Carefully, you brought your right arm up, encouraging his to follow suit, then placed the palm of his right hand on your side, sliding your left hand up to rest on the curve of his bicep. "You're going to want to hold your arm up like this–and keep your hand under my arm like so."

"Then you step back with your right foot," you said as you stepped forward with your right. "Aaand take another step so both feet are parallel."

It was a testate to the Fierce Deity's character that he followed your movements with nary a grunt. Stark eyes burned holes into your own. The Fierce Deity was a man of few words, so you supposed it was fate that you had more than enough to share. "Now you're going to take a step with your left," your shoes clicked on the stone as you stepped back carefully. "Then another so your feet are parallel, and now move them together."

The Fierce Deity did just that, brows set in concentration. His dedication was flattering in a soft way, as was the thought that a god thought you were important enough to dance with. You had no doubt that he wouldn't have agreed if he didn't want to, though you could still hardly comprehend his interest in you, a mere mortal. Surely there were more compelling souls he could associate with, or were you simply a distraction from the shock of living in a new world? You tried not to think too hard, shooting the deity a practiced grin. "And that's all there is to it!"

Instead of pulling away, Fierce began anew, until you were dancing in the middle of the patio like no one's business. If dancing with a deity wasn't on your bucket list before, it sure was now.

"You are a good teacher," were the Fierce Deity's first words in however long you'd been outside. He was close enough that you could feel the steady puffs of his breaths, and you doubted you would ever feel quite as protected as you were now. "I shall treasure this experience."

Well, if that wasn't the sweetest thing you had heard today. "I'm glad, you're doing great!"

Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, it did. "Are you familiar with more dances?"

"A few," you shrugged. "Square dancing, the waltz... and the tango, but don't quote me."

The question in his pupil-less eyes was clear: when did you have the time? Time was a fickle concept, and it didn't surprise you that the Fierce Deity wouldn't have any left for song and dance. Yet here you stood, locked in a creative embrace that he should have scorned. What about you could have intrigued the deity so, or at least enough for him to request dance lessons?

Not that you minded, you would never mind.

"Do you want to learn those too?"

The Fierce Deity's head jerked up and down, ruffling his unusually impeccable bangs. You had no idea what sorcery he employed to achieve such an effortless look, but you wanted in. "Has your hair always been this long?"

His grip on your waist tightened a fraction, gaze practically burning a hole into your skull. "Yes."

Hair held memories, so what mysteries did his carry? Stories within strands, just begging to be discovered. Most importantly, would he allow you to read them, or were you simply grossly overestimating your relationship?

"I had it cut," the deity spoke, effectively coloring you surprised. "once."

"Only once?"

"It was during my service," it was back--the tone he used when he was only humoring you. You swayed across the cobblestone, ears perked for his next words. "I did not like it."

You... you could tell. "You don't say..."

"Do you cut your hair?"

"I do," you had no idea why admitting that felt embarrassing. "Not often, but enough that it doesn't get split ends."

"Split... ends?" By the way he said it, you would have assumed it was a curse. That and the fact that he apparently was oblivious to haircare other than what you assumed to be sorcery.

"...You don't know what those are?" His blank expression said all, so you coughed and stood a bit straighter. "It's when your hair grows to long and the ends just... split. Getting regular hair cuts and using good products helps."

"I... see," just when you thought that was the end of it, the madness continued. "And these products you speak of?"

Was he... did he really want to learn about human haircare? You supposed your hands were tied on the matter, so you heaved a sigh. "It's an umbrella term; there's hair masks, shampoo and conditioner, oils, butters–"

"You apply butter to your hair?" came a new, incredulous voice. Warriors and Wild strode out from the patio door, the former's scarf looped around his nose and mouth in a manner that made you wonder if you should be nervous. You attempted to release Fierce, but he refused, hold only tightening. "Dude– what's up, Wars, Wild?"

"Where's the... Hylia, I can't remember the name for the life of me," Wars scratched his head and groaned. "The red cylinder–"

"You mean the fire extinguisher?" You asked incredulously, trying and failing to hide your mounting terror.

Warriors grinned and snapped his fingers. "That's it! So...?"

"It's under the sink," you deadpanned. "Please tell me the kitchen isn't on fire."

"Okay, we won't," said Wild, already jogging backwards. You sighed as they retreated back into the house, the acid scent of smoke fingering in through the cracked windows.

"God give me strength–"

"You may utter that once more," said the deity with an exhausted expression.

Other than his horrible euphemism for 'you can say that again', you completely agreed with that statement. "I'd love to stay, but I really don't have the money to get a new microwave," you said a tad sheepishly, weaseling from his slackened grip. "You've got the talent, and don't you forget it!"

It was only until you disappeared inside the house that the Fierce Deity released the sigh he had been holding... and the arm that had raised in a half-hearted attempt to draw you back. 'Pitiful' was the first word to come to his mind when he thought of you; he was a god, and yet he was practically helpless to the whims of a mortal. He wondered how the goddesses saw him now, tamer than a sparrow in a golden cage and more obedient than a hound on a leash. Perhaps it was wonder that drew him closer, emboldened by the terrifying presence of love in his barren heart. There were so many different types of love, and the Fierce Deity liked to think he felt at least one of them toward you. It would certainly explain the uncomfortable feeling in his chest when one of the others had your attention. But, rational as he was, the deity knew attempting to control you would be like trying to stem a raging river. Not that he wanted to, he simply desired your eyes on him, your hands in his own, warm and soft with gentle promises of comfort. He wondered if you would make good on your word, because, really, the concept of dance lessons was a preposterous idea–the Fierce Deity didn't dance at the whims of mortals–and he would be eternally grateful to the goddesses for granting him that pleasure.

This ask is insanely on time because I JUST learned how to square dance yesterday at college. Also this is an unofficial part of Knightmare in Toronto <3

[isadollie]

hi anne! i wanted to request boyfie x fem!reader headcanons for daichi and kuroo from haikyuu?

btw loved your recent bokuto hubby drabble 🥺 you've really blessed us 🥺 i wanted to include bokuto for the ask but you wrote him so well in that drabble! 🤧 you can still include him in this request if you'd like 👀 might be fun hehe 🤭

thank you! 🤍🤍

boyfriend! daichi, kuroo, bokuto headcanons (separate)

★ hello anon! tysm for requesting<3

★ and omgg, i'm so happy you liked my little bokuto drabble! 🥹🥹 i included him in the headcanons here as well cause it's never too much bokuto am i right or am i right

♡ DAICHI SAWAMURA

★ super protective like omg

★ i feel like he loves to hold hands at all times

★ the sidewalk rule.

★ is veryy serious about your relationship

★ already plans your future together and loves to talk about it

★ always asks for your opinion though

★ "my love, when we get married, do you want to get a cat? a dog? maybe a hamster?"

★ can be a bit too serious sometimes tbh

★ like, when you guys are out with friends, sometimes you have to nugde him and be like "that person was joking btw" cause he just doesn't get itttt

★ that type of man that your family would love

★ might get late to the meeting with your family and then enter with a cute smile and be like "i'm so sorry, i met an elder lady on my way and i had to help her with grocery shopping"

★ he's that type to read every single book you said you liked, and watch all your favorite movies

★ always insists to pay for everything

★ acts of service allll the way

★ will stop in the middle of your walk to kneel down and tie your shoe

★ loves to show you off in front of his teammates

★ ALSO OMG imagine you two go shopping cause you wanted to get some new makeup supplies

★ he'll carry your cart and when you want to see how would a lipstick, eyeshadow or anything else look on skin, he offers you his hand so you can try out all the shades on him hehe

★ and then when you two walk out of the store both of his hands are covered in blush, lipsticks and other stuff but he doesn't care tbh

★ (now i kinda want to write a drabble abt it)

★ (let me know if i should)

♡ KUROO TETSURO

★ would probably do anything you asked of him tbh

★ he's that type of boyfriend to also be your bestie ykwim

★ "they broke up?? no way! give me all the details rn"

★ skincare routine is his favourite activity with you, he's just so glad you got him into that

★ then he goes to practice and talks to his teammates like "don't you guys see how i'm GLOWING??"

★ pretty random but i hc that he can fall asleep literally anywhere and that he loves naps

★ kinda... like a cat...

★ and oh he SNORES

★ loves to tease you sm

★ especially abt your height, let's be honest

★ asks how's the weather down there and thinks he's funny

★ i feel like he really cares about kenma's approval of your relationship

★ introducing u to kenma was more important for him than introducing you to his family atp 💀

★ so stressed abt it too it's honestly funny

★ but kenma said you seem cool so kuroo can already go look for a ring

★ sends you reels of cats cuddling and says "us"

★ loves to carry you and always looks for an excuse to do so

★ would switch his shoes with yours when your legs start to hurt

★ looks good in your heels and i'm telling you, he walks in them better than u do

★ just smirks and says that he can teach you to be better lol

♡ BOKUTO KOTARO

★ lowkey an introvert's nightmare

★ probably took ages to confess tho

★ cause he's just too afraid to mess up, and he doesn't want to ruin your friendship:(

★ asked akaashi to help confess

★ also, asks akaashi with help with ANYTHING

★ like in my head, bokuto doesn't really have any previous relationship experience

★ so he doesn't really know what to do sometimes and you're very important to him so he wants to do everything right

★ therefore he asks akaashi for help. all the time. all. the. time.

★ like let my man akaashi rest 😭

★ asks him what to get you for your birthday, how to apologize after a fight, anything you can think of tbh

★ so clingy, the definition of clingy actually

★ wants to hang out 24/7

★ if you asked him to move in with you on the very same day you two started dating, he'd agree without hesitation

★ also texts you whenever you can't meet up

★ sends the most random shit, especially on tiktok and ig

★ he's that type to, when he plays a match, before he makes a serve, points at you and is like "this one's for you" and then completely misses

★ will talk your ear off

★ says the cutest things when he's sleepy

★ he'll just cuddle up to you and start rambling abt how much he loves you

[moonastro]

Where will you meet them?

❀ Future spouse PAC ❀

left to right(top)-> 1,2

left to right(bottom)-> 3,4

°DO NOT take this as literal, take everything with a grain of salt as this is purely and intendedly for entertainment purposes.

°don't be afraid to give feedback and opinions about this post (as i would entirely appreciate it).

PILE 1-

-WOW, i feel like there is quite a bit of romance here. I feel this happening when you or your fs are ready to start a committed relationship. It may be a romantic location or something like that.

-very Piscean energy coming through so you may meet near a body of water such as a beach, on a boat, near a lake etc. This means that you may meet when travelling abroad to a different country, if its for studies or work or holidays.

-you may be holding something, may be an umbrella?? (some)

-i also see leo energy so the sun may be symbolic here. it may happen in spring/summer or the sun may be bright that day and so on. Don't take this word for word because there might be other objects that may display the sun, for example you could be wearing sun shaped jewellery, they may be wearing a t-shirt with a sun on it so on and so on.

PILE 2-

-very Cancerian energy coming through.

-may meet your fs through a mother or a female figure. For example your mother could introduce you to them.

-it may be somewhere where there is a lot of noise or talking going on. may be a family gathering, or a local community gathering, café etc.

-may be foggy that day or some smoke may be present during the meeting. They may be a smoker or you may be a smoker so you may meet in a smoking area so on and so forth.

PILE 3-

-you may meet them somewhere where cycles are ending or starting for example a wedding or a funeral.

-very spiritual i feel.

-may be at a spiritual or mental health retreat sort of thing. somewhere where you heal your mind and spirit.

-i am also getting church/chapel, so you may meet at church when going to mass or something like that or when attending a service that relates to going there.

404 confirmation lol

PILE 4-

-may have something to do with falling or somewhere where you can fall or hurt/trip easily.

-somewhere fun like a play park/carnival.

-there might be children around.

-you may also be near a hospital or some place where people are getting treatment.

-this may also happen at a grocery store or some mall or something like that.

-may be surrounded by groups of people like a concert.

That's it!!! 🌺 thanks for reading everyone and don't be afraid to interact with this post however you'd like! 🌙 hope you have a great rest of your day🌟

[olderthannetfic]

How do we feel about the "Um just so you know the person you reblogged this from is an [insert undesirables category here]"? When it's some random meme or otherwise uncontroversial post, and not some elaborate political opinion post with a bunch of dogwhistles in it.

Because I just got it from a fandom acquaintance/friend and it felt really fucking unsettling.

Aside from the mutuals that I know from fandom and interact with, most of the other content I interact with on Tumblr is more about what it says than about who said it for me. I don't ever pay attention to who wrote what or which other Tumblr users they had beef with or whatever, I just read the post itself and decide if I like what it says or not. If someone posts something I REALLY dislike, I block them and move on, more in the hopes of seeing less of that sort of thing than with the intention of somehow eliminating that specific person. I never pay attention to who my mutuals are reblogging from and if I note that one of them reblogged something featuring a poster who's famously unhinged, I just assume they don't know and move on because I know my mutuals are reasonable people generally speaking. I like the anonymity of Tumblr and the focus on the content of the posts and not on specific people. It's why I hang out here and not on one of the platforms that are all about influencers and the like.

So today I was going through the blogs of a couple of people I don't follow to find a specific post and in the process I saw a fairly uncontroversial post I liked, reblogged it, and moved on. Then less than an hour later I was met with a wall of text in my DMs accusing that poster of having questionable political opinions and describing the beef they had with another person where they threatened them etc. etc.

TBH I felt incredibly uncomfortable with the level of scrutiny implied in paying attention to who I reblog random shit from, as well as the level of presumption in coming to my DMs and lecture me about it. I know nothing about the blogger they were talking about, have never interacted with him, and will probably never even have the opportunity or the desire to interact with him. He wasn't even the AUTHOR of the post, it was just on his profile. It makes me want to never post anything ever again.

I just... don't see the point of this sort of behaviour in general? "You shouldn't be giving [bad people] a platform" - look, I genuinely don't think that reblogging a pretty landscape from someone who turns out to be a TERF or whatever is platforming those beliefs in any way. I'm sorry, but I just don't see how my behaviour leads to any material harm to anyone. Even if I follow the person, the moment they start talking about TERF-y shit I'm gonna unfollow and/or block. The probability of me throwing all my well-developed political opinions down the drain and getting radicalized through the slippery slope of reblogging "CATS ARE SO CUTE WHEN THEY SWAT AT THINGS" from someone with a dogshit take about Palestine is literally zero. If it's the content of the post that's wrong, just explain why to me, or point out the dogwhistles or whatever. I'm open to being wrong in my opinions. I'm not open to my online friends acting like the fucking Stasi.

Maybe I'm just too old for these newfangled social politics but it just feels like either pointless catty high school drama or an attempt at social control that I can't help but interpret in a hostile manner. Even if it's followed by - as it was in my case - something along the lines of "obviously I'm not accusing YOU of anything!! I'm sorry it came off that way!!" when I pushed back against it. It feels like 1950s conservative housewives making sure you're not even greeting any of the town Undesirables at the grocery store, because you wouldn't want to be Morally Tainted by saying Hello to a divorcee!

It's kind of similar to the whole issue about people still writing HP fic. Am I interested in HP fic? TBH not at all - the author had soured it for me with her behaviour even before it was obvious how much she hated trans people. Do I think the people doing it are somehow harming anyone or putting money in JKR's pocket? I honestly can't see how, and so far none of the people adamantly against it have managed to explain it to me in a satisfying way, so I'm just gonna let it slide off me as another random internet hobby I don't get or care about.

--

My reaction is "Do you understand how Tumblr works? Do you?"

We have enough trouble with people reblogging barely-hidden anti-kink or homophobic shit. Who has time for cootie-based problems?

[impish-baby]

Ummm, a lot of my asks have been eaten lately, but I figured that typing this out again probably won't hurt. Sorry if you got it and I'm being annoying, but what if we went grocery shopping and met the twins by accident. The thing is, we don't see it as us running away. From our POV, we were distancing ourselves from our toxic family, so we're just like "Hey, wassup?" And the twins are like "wtf, where have you been asshole?!"

And then we just get pulled into a bone crushing hug and shoved into their car while we're just shocked bc literally when was the last time they showed us affection? Physical affection at that? And (small fact about myself) we don't like being touched bc we didn't grow up with it, so we're struggling in the backseat as one twin practically suffocates us and the other twin drives home.

-🏹

Hihi! I am pretty sure I've gotten that ask, although it didn't have a sign off, it was this premise. (Don't worry about being annoying! I understand the anxiety about tumblr eating asks ^^)

Don't you know it's fight or fly, little wolf - how the twins react to seeing reader out shopping

'It's just groceries, you're fine..' It's repeated like a mantra as you wonder down the aisles, anxiety pooling in your gut and making you queasy. Too bright, too much noise, too many people, every single thing is grating on your already fried nerves. You're constantly reminding yourself that you can do this, that you're just buying what Pam needs, and then leaving. It's simple, you're an adult, you're not having an anxiety attack just because you're shopping and it's crowded-

If you weren't already having a horrible enough time, there's a sudden hand on your back, tightly gripping your hoodie and pressing you up against the aisle you where browsing. "So you are in one piece... Jack has been worrying himself sick, you know?" You have to crane your neck to the side to see your older sibling, Theo standing as close as humanly possible. There's a cold look on their face, frowning disapprovingly at you when they turn you around to be face to face with them. "I think he was starting to go gray, honesty.."

You can't even get a word out between the panic you were already feeling and their sudden presence, momentarily stunned. Theo is too busy checking you over to pay attention to your reaction, scrutizing your form for any injuries before your hoodie is released, vice like grip holding onto your hand instead. You don't even do anything when they start dragging you through the store, only stumbling helplessly behind your older sibling.

When Jack eventually catches sight of you both, you're immediately crushed into a hug that knocks the wind out of you, squirming once you can feel him start to press kisses to the crown of your head, is... is he crying?? He is crying, tears tricking down the man's cheeks as he holds you like you're the most precious thing on the planet. Since when...

"God, where have you been? Are you ok? You're not hurt, right? T- Theo, they aren't hurt?"

"They're fine." Theo huffs, still holding onto you even though Jack has you in a suffacating embrace. "...stop making a scene."

"Ok.. ok.." Your older brother sighs, taking a few breaths to calm himself down. He doesn't let you go however, swinging an arm over your shoulder as they both begin to leave the store with you in tow. "You.. you can come to the apartment, alright? We'll call dad and then-"

That gets your brain to start working again at least, starting to drag your feet and cause Theo to curse as you begin to struggle. "I'm not going anywhere with either of you! Do you seriously think-" Your breath hitches in your throat as a hand wraps around your neck and squeezes.

"He wasn't asking your opinion, he was telling you that's what's happening." Jack has let you go now, standing off to the side as he nervously wrings his hands. It's Theo's intimidating figure standing over you, clutching your neck with a warning glare. "You're not a toddler, but if you don't walk, I'm carrying you out of the store."

Theo sighs when you stubbornly make no move to be cooperative, now carrying you out to the parking lot, uncaring that you're still trying to squirm out of their grip. "Jack, you have to drive.."

The older boy startles when he's addressed, having been trailing you both like a lost puppy until now. "Y- Yeah.." Jack hums meekly, fumbling for the keys in his pocket. He's shaking so bad you're unsure if he'll even be able to pull out from the parking spot, almost dropping the keys as he tries to unlock the doors.

He gets it eventually though, and you're dumped into the backseat, theo caging you back into their arms before you can even try to reach for the handle, the sound of the door slamming shut and locking only sealing your fate.

(a/n: theo would not care if you bite them :> they'll only scoff and use it as evidence against you. You're how old and biting people still?)

[seat-safety-switch]

Like most of you, I was at the grocery store, tripping balls. I was wondering why the entire pancake mix aisle is now gluten-free. Yes, Julia Child, I could make my own, but I like how the binders work to seal the hole in my radiator. Plus, it smells great.

Why was there such a wide variety of pancake product available these days? I am cool with there being one kind of gluten-free pancake mix, and one kind of gluten-heavy pancake mix. Surely, there cannot be room in this market for twelve kinds of each, the shelves groaning beneath their weight, threatening to fall on someone who has very strong opinions about what kind of pancake they want to mix, exactly. Someone has gotta be putting this on the shelves and selling, like, zero fucking boxes. To get to the bottom of this, I decided that I would trick Netflix into giving me money to make a documentary.

Folks, that was what Wall Street would call a "forward-looking statement," because it was horseshit. Not only has Netflix beefed up their security since the release of Pointlessly Offensive Statements About Things People Care Way Too Much About IX, but they're also in, like, a whole different country. And my parole officer gets froggy whenever I tell him I'm going to cross international borders to commit something that sounds a whole lot like fraud. That's big government for you.

So I had to figure it out my own way, which involved staying up all night and intercepting a shipment of pancake mix to the local grocery store. It was there that I saw the horrible truth: all that pancake mix, all that distinctiveness? Came out of the same truck. They were competing against themselves. Once the driver spotted me, he realized I had figured it out. Picked up his little radio and called it in. I had to run, which was not particularly easy when you're wheezing through a single-barrel carburetor that had last been adjusted in the Carter administration. Flooring it, I jumped over several curbs, the decorative flower display in the garden centre, and made good (or at least well) my escape through the bank parking lot next door.

I thought I had gotten away scot free, until I opened the front door to my house the next morning and found a box of my favourite buttermilk pancake mix sitting on the porch, with a knife stuck in it. I love it when I get two bribes.

[forever-rogue]

let me just say i am obsessed with your work and i have a small concept with pre-outbreak!joel that i’d like to share. you’re welcome to develop this as a full fic, a headcanon or even just discuss it.

joel has been dating you for a while, it’s his first serious relationship since sarah’s mom left and needless to say he’s very much in love. but being with you comes with a lot of pressure. as i said, it’s his first real relationship and he tries to be the absolute best partner for you. in the beginning you don’t pay attention to it because what you have is new and of course you do a lot to make it work but as time passes, you realize it’s a bit more serious than that.

he literally drives himself crazy trying to be the perfect partner. to the point where he’s stressing himself out or feeling guilty about things that are either normal or out of his control. for example, let’s say it’s your birthday and he wants to take you to a nice restaurant. you happen to be late (maybe an issue with his car or traffic) and lose the reservation. it’s okay, you assure him it’s fine but he feels terrible and just trying to fix it. in a similar way, if you ever have an argument and you decide to leave to clear your mind, it will bring the worst anxiety out of him. it’s all small things that pile up until you realize that he’s actually terrified he isn’t enough because if he wasn’t enough to make the mother of their child stay, why would you?

you can choose how you work it out so he feels more secure in the relationship or tell me what you think of this, i’d love to hear your opinion 🙂

AN | Okay but this is so soft and heartbreaking at the same time. But there is a happy ending! Enjoy ❤️

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.7k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel was standing on your doorstep, clutching a bouquet in his hand. He felt like he was shaking and sweating and going to throw up all at once. Needless to say he was nervous. It had been so long since he’d been on a date, let alone a first date. And not just any first date, but a first date with you. 

You, that had almost knocked him over, literally and metaphorically, in the grocery store and left him feeling like a scared teenager. You’d been the one to ask him out, in fact, but he was still somehow convinced that you’d made some kind of mistake or were going to change your mind.

He rocked back and forth on his heels for a few moments as he listened for your footsteps. When he heard you unlock the door and slowly open it, his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. 

“Joel,” your pretty lips pulled in a big smile as you looked him over, “you’re here!”

“Of course I am,” he replied sweetly, a soft twang to his warm drawl, “did you think I wouldn’t show up?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted sheepishly, your face growing warm, “men are weird sometimes…even more so when it’s a woman asking a man out. But I’m so glad you’re here.”

“You look beautiful,” he couldn’t believe how lucky he’d gotten or how pretty you were. You were wearing a pretty little sundress and that alone was enough to cause his mind to practically spiral; he was just a mere mortal man and even he was not immune to the effect of a sundress. He pulled himself together to hand you the flowers that were still tightly clutched in his hand, “these are for you.”

“They’re lovely,” you took them gently, your fingers brushing against his, “thank you so much. No one’s given me flowers in so long, this is so kind.”

“They reminded me of you, bright and pretty,” maybe he wasn’t totally terrible at this after all.

“Come on in for a moment while I put these in some water,” you moved back inside and motioned for him to follow you. He slowly followed you inside, looking around your humble abode to try and get a good feel for you, “so, have you decided what we’re going to do this evening?”

“I have a few things in mind,” he grinned, a little half smile that made your heart speed up a little bit as you quickly moved to set the flowers into a vase with fresh water, “I can tell you or you can be surprised.”

“Surprise me,” you set the flowers on the counter and looked at him sweetly.

“Surprise it is.”

“I have a feeling you’re going to surprise me a lot, Joel Miller,” you grabbed your purse and he shot you a cheeky little wink, “I look forward to it.”

“Me too, sweetheart, me too.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel Miller couldn’t believe his luck. It had been a year, a whole ass year, since the two of you had gone on your first date. That might have been one of the best days of his life, topped only by the birth of his daughter. He knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and knew that he wanted to ask you to marry him.

But there was still some remaining doubt that kept nagging at the back of his mind.

A part of him was always waiting for you to realize that he didn’t deserve you and to leave. Not that you’d done anything to ever suggest that was going to happen but still. He thought about it…a lot. He’d felt like a complete failure when his wife had left him and their daughter when she was only a few months old without so much as a proper explanation. If the woman he’d loved and married, the mother of his daughter, didn't want anything to do with him, why would anyone else? And what did he have to offer anyway? Nothing. Not in his mind anyway. 

And he loved you, so much. He would do anything to keep you in his life. So he threw himself into everything he did; he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for you, even if it all but killed him. 

You appreciated everything he did for you, so much and all the things he did were definitely not lost on you. At first it didn’t really hit you just how much he was driven to perfection until you started to see some of the cracks in the facade. 

It happened one night when you were over at Joel’s house for dinner with him, Sarah, and Tommy that you noticed something was off. Joel had seemed so tense and distracted since you’d arrived. You’d made it to the Miller household a little earlier than you had initially told them in order to help finish up dinner and get everything set up. 

Sarah had answered the door and let you in with a big hug before you made your way into the kitchen. You adored the girl, and her father, and you were happy that she seemed to like you too. You weren’t trying to force your way into her life, but let her welcome you at her own pace. It had only been her and Joel for pretty much her entire life so you were sure that this was a whole new world for her too. 

“Hi baby,” you grinned as you walked into the kitchen, setting down the desserts you’d brought. Joel turned around and his entire face dropped when he realized it was you. Ouch. That managed to sting a little bit, “everything alright?”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” he looked at his watch and ran a hand through his messy hair, “for almost another hour!”

“I finished earlier than I thought at work,” you shrugged lightly, “and thought I’d come over to help. I didn’t think it was a big deal…I can go if that’s better?”

“No - no,” he insisted softly, “no, I’m glad you’re here, it’s just that nothing’s ready. It’s not set for you yet.”

“You don’t have to do all the work silly man,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek, “let me help. I’m more than happy to - I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” you whispered as you decided to hug him; he looked like he could use a hug. He wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you tightly to his broad frame, “just let me know what I can do to help, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed, allowing himself a moment to bury his face in your neck and to breathe your warm scent in. When he pulled back, you kissed him sweetly, “okay.”

Once you had everything squared away and ready, Joel ran upstairs to shower and change, leaving you and Sarah to set the table. She looked at you for a moment before quietly saying, “he really likes you, you know?”

“I do,” you smiled softly, “I really like him too.” 

“He’s never been with anyone since I was born,” she scooted over to you so there wasn’t a chance for Joel to overhear, “I don’t even remember my mom; she just up and left when I was a baby. But I’ve always had my dad. And it’s nice to see him happy ‘cause he deserves it.”

“Oh,” your expression softened, “he told me it’s been the two of you but never went into what happened.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, “it’s fine. I never had the chance to know my mom so it never really bothered me. But I know my dad really likes you, he’s been so happy lately it’s kinda gross. He’s trying really hard. He just wants you to be happy too.”

“I am really happy, Sarah,” you promised, “and I want your dad to be as well. I love him a lot and you both mean a lot to me.”

“This is too sappy,” she snorted in amusement and rolled her eyes playfully, “but…you mean a lot to me too. Just so you know.”

“Don’t worry kiddo, we’ll keep it between us,” you shot her a wink, causing her to giggle softly, “you mean a lot to me too.”

“What are you whispering about, huh?” Joel came back downstairs and into the kitchen, his eyes flitting between the two of you, “planning a mutiny?”

“Duh, old man,” Sarah pushed past him, and Joel raised an eyebrow. 

He was just joking around, mostly, but he was also panicking internally - just mildly but still. It was there. His first thought was that somehow the two of you were talking about him…but not in a flattering way. What if you were telling Sarah you were tired of him? What if you were telling her that you were planning on breaking up with him? What if you told her that -

“Joel?” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. He blinked a few times as he snapped back into reality before looking at you, “where’d you go, space cadet?”

“Just zoned out,” he offered you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” you insisted, “it’s been a long day, I’m sure tired as well. We’ll call it an early night tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, heart constricting at your gentle nature. You were always so sweet and kind but he still found himself waiting for the other shoe to drop, “sounds good, sweetheart.”

“I love you,” you reached for his hand and squeezed it, “a lot.”

“I love you too,” he hoped you never stopped saying that. He wanted to hear it for the rest of his life. He was going to try his damndest to keep you in his life forever. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I can’t believe it,” Joel shook his head as he looked at the maitre’d, “it’s only fifteen minutes! You can’t tell me that you don’t have a table available anymore.”

“I’m sorry sir, the reservation was for 6:30 and we have a ten minute policy for being tardy,” he remained calm but you could see that Joel was only growing more annoyed, “as you can see we’re very busy.”

“I made these reservations three months ago-”

“I’m sorry, sir. That’s our policy,” you put your hand on Joel’s arm and squeezed it gently. He looked at you with a deep frown on his face. 

“It’s alright,” you promised him, voice gentle and soft, “we can go somewhere else, it’s no big deal.”

“Fine,” he huffed after a moment and turned on his heel to leave. You offered the man a small smile as you followed your boyfriend out the door. He immediately started walking to the truck, leaving you to trail after him in his wake, “this is fucking ridiculous.”

You flinched as he slammed his door against the side of the truck, “Joel. I need you to calm down. It’s really not a big deal - I don’t care where we go, I just want to spend time with you.”

“But it’s your birthday,” he hissed, “it should be nice. I had this all planned out and I fucked up and made us lose the reservation.”

“Hey,” you slowly took a step closer to him, “do you want to tell me what’s really going on?”

“I just wanted everything to be perfect for you,” his shoulders slumped as he looked at you with misty eyes. Clearly there was a lot more going on underneath the surface, “I don’t want you to leave me.”

“W-what?” you looked at him in confusion, wondering where that train of thought had suddenly come from. You reached up and out your hand on his cheek, gently brushing away the tears that had rolled down his cheeks, “why on earth would I leave you? That has never crossed my mind.”

“I want to give you everything, you deserve it but I feel like I can’t give it to you,” he pressed his hand gently onto yours, “sometimes I wonder why you’re with a loser like me.”

“Joel,” he hated, and loved, how gently you always managed to say his name. You always had such a tender way about you, “I have never once thought you were a loser. Never. I love you, silly man, so much. You’re perfect to me - for me. Why would you even think that I would feel like that?”

“I couldn’t even get the mother of my kid to hang around. She up and left and sent divorce papers and left us,” he sighed softly, “sometimes I wonder how long it’ll be before you get tired of me as well.”

“I’m not her. I’m me,” you reminded him gently, “I’m never going to get tired of you. Oh my gosh, you don’t know how much I adore you, do you? Joel, no one has ever been as good and kind to me as you have. I look forward to spending time with you even if its just at home watching a movie. When we’re apart I look forward to seeing you. Not because of things like fancy dinners or grand gestures or whatever - not that I don’t love those - but because I love being around you. It’s because of you, not anything else. We could have nothing but as long I have you, and Sarah, it’s more than enough. It’s everything.”

Joel looked at you, trying to make sure he’d heard everything you’d said correctly and you weren’t about to laugh at him. When he saw the soft smile on your face, the tender way you were looking at him, he knew that you weren’t joking. He nodded slowly, sniffling before whispering, “I love you.”

“I know you do,” you promised, “you’ve never once given me a reason to doubt that. I love you too, Joel.”

“I know,” he reached for your hand, hesitantly and gently, lacing his fingers through yours, “you’ve never given me a reason to doubt that either.”

“Good,” you squeezed his hand gently, “I think we’re on the same page, right?”

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly, “we are.”

“If you ever have any doubt, just let me know and I’ll remind you just how much I love you. But…does that mean we can go and get dinner? Some McDonalds fries sound amazing right now.”

“You want to go to McDonalds? On your birthday?” That was one of the many things he loved about you - you weren’t pretentious or picky or anything. You were just you. 

“Are you going to go with me?”

“Obviously,” he snorted in amusement, shaking his head fondly at you. 

“Then hell yeah,” you teased, “let’s go and get tons of McDonalds and go home and watch a movie. That sounds perfect.”

“Then that’s exactly what we’ll do,” he agreed as he opened the car door for you. He buckled your seatbelt for you before leaning in to kiss you gently, “happy birthday baby.”

“Thank you,” you made sure to steal another kiss from him, “I love you, Joel Miller.”

“I love you. So much.”

[carmesi-butterfly]

childhood nostalgia with enhypen. part 1

this turned out super shitty im sorry t__t it's prolly my first time writing since march lolzies despite everything i hope you like it!!

enhypen's heeseung! jungwon! sunoo! sunghoon! + gn! reader. word count 798. warnings none. not proofread.

heeseung: searching "aliens caught on camera" on youtube.

“are you being serious? this is obviously fake!” your words were accompanied by a small giggle, “why do all these videos are recorded with shitty cameras? i can't even identify what's going on”

“what do you mean by fake?!” his indignation was more than clear, “look at how the flying saucer approaches the person; it's pretty visible” the video played on repeat a few times, pointing at this apparent ‘ovni.’

“where did you find this video? it has only 200 views, don't tell me you've been scrolling through youtube for so long that you started to find videos that only you and the person who posted it saw”

“that doesn't matter; see this one,” he said while clicking on another video, changing it to another with better quality and more illumination. “there! look at it! it's right there, imagine you're just walking by a lonely road trying to go home and an ovni starts following you”

if it was anyone else saying something like this to you you would've just laughed, but knowing your boyfriend and his beliefs, this was really serious, his big deer eyes looking at you in search of an opinion on the matter while putting the most unhinged and undiscovered alien videos of the internet.

jungwon: playing love testers.

It was your idea at first, while recalling your times as a kid with free and unlimited access to the internet the memory of you using those famous pages for kids that “calculated” your affinity with your crush by just putting their name or zodiac sign popped on your mind like a popcorn, you had to find those webs and use them with your boyfriend, it was a life or death matter!

“seventy percent?! this is not accurate, it should say one hundred…” you said in distress as if this ‘love calculating’ page would define the future of your relationship.

“I will try using our full names,” suggested Jungwon, who in the beginning was kind of reluctant about this, maybe because he wasn't interested or found it boring, but in the end, it was just a silly activity he could do with his partner. What he didn't count on was that it would become his mission to reach the hundred percent in every net he could find, reaching to the point of finding the webs you frequented as a kid to do the same. “yoi! I told you, a hundred percent! Now our names and zodiac signs are compatible.” The enormous amount of pride his expression demonstrated couldn't be described by words.

sunoo: learning vocaloid’s mirror dances.

a mirrored dance tutorial of ‘romeo and cinderella’ by hatsune miku sounded on repeat in one of the practice rooms of hybe’s building; the chorus could be heard on repeat, accompanied by your clumsy movements and the frustrated noises you would make every time you got something wrong, luckily, when you were about to reach the last level of insanity and give up on learning the choreography, your boyfriend came to your rescue! and with a lot of groceries from the convenience store.

“sunoo! how am i supposed to do this step? i'm trying but i can't get it right…” your defeated look was funny to see by your partner; doing this was his idea as a ‘fun activity’ to do and bond, but your poor ability to dance was making it difficult for you. fortunately, you have an amazing boyfriend and dance partner who will help you with everything you need!

“ooh, which part? i will help you”

the young couple stood bending in front of the ipad watching what parts were more difficult for you, and after rewatching it a few times to get the movements right sunoo proceeded to teach you everything step by step, he was patient with you because of your inexperience on the topic but couldn't stop himself from teasing you a few times if your motions were awkward.

sunghoon: playing dance dance revolution.

the levels of frustration and humiliation both of you felt couldn't even be described in words, seeing a kid that couldn't reach the ten-year-old mark publicly beating your asses in this dancing machine felt embarrassing.

“you are an idol, where are your dancing abilities?!” you muttered to your partner, who was more than immersed in the child’s dancing.

“the company should recruit him” was the only thing his mouth dropped.

“i can't believe it,” your sigh took sunghoon out of his trance. it was kind of fun seeing the pout that decorated your face, expressing your emotions through it.

“let's try again, but i don't think you will be capable of following my pace” such a cocky comment could only leave your partner’s lips, especially now with his ‘arrogant’ mood.

[dreamgenerator]

Simon "Ghost" Riley NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: 18+, mention of public sex, mention of daddy kink, mention of marking

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

- He'll clean you up very gently.

- Thoroughly check if you were hurt.

- If you want anything else, you got it. He'll even go to grocery store in 2 am if you want something.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

- His favorite part of your body must be your thighs. Leaves countless marks on it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

- Loves to cum on you. Especially on your belly and thighs.

- Then look down at you covered in his cum, Satisfied.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

- Though about having a public sex but never did since he hate the possibility of someone seeing you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

- Not his first time, but not much experience. Didn't thought it's his things.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

- Cowgirl. Love to guide you with his hand on your pelvis.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

- Probably dead serious.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

- Just keeping it clean.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

- Doesn't say much but hold you tightly with a lot of kisses.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

- Doesn't do it often. But when he is away and have a thought about you, he might.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

- 'Daddy' kink: Didn't know it was his thing. But when you said 'daddy' in the middle of making love, he went wild, keep asking questions like 'who's your daddy?' or 'who's fucking you right now?' And when you said 'I'm yours, daddy.', he lost it.

- Marking: Loves to leave marks on you and loves it when you leave it on him. He usually keeps it subtle-not too obvious but visible.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

- Your house.

- No public sex. Doesn't want anyone to see you. (But had a thought about having it.)

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

- You. Especially when you beg him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

- Something that could hurt you. Including any bruises other than markings.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

- Loves to receive an oral but only when you want too.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

- Starts slow but end up being rough and fast. But he knows your limit and doesn't overdo it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

- When you fire him up in the public, he might take you home and have quickies.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

- No risks. Especially something that might hurt you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

- Til the sun rises. Only if you want.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

- Have a flashlight. But don't use it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

- He will edge you, by stopping or slowing down right before the orgasm.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

- Not so much. Voice low, Growls and groans, Some swears.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

- He loved it when he got out of the shower and saw you sitting on the bed, naked.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

- Thick in the middle

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

- Without you? Not so much.

-But with you? He can spent the whole weekend in bed.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

- Not until he makes sure you got your aftercare.

NSFW Alphabet Template by @the-coldest-goodbye

[141shousewife]

NSFW Price x Fat Wife Drabble >:)

Minors DNI I will EAT u like a nerds gummy cluster

Length: 1.2k Words

CW: NSFW, ANTI DADDY KINK PRICE!! Price x Fat reader, Implied Black reader, Price is married to reader, Female Reader, condescension, mocking, fingering, PiV, dirty talk,

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION! DON'T EAT ME PLEASE

Also if u have a problem with the reader being fat n black.... IDK what to tell u gworl.

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I have one main qualm with Price x reader NSFW content. I see one reoccurring theme/headcannon:

price = daddy dirty talk

And I hate to say it but everyone else is wrong about it and I am the one who to is correct.

Price, when called daddy, looks around for a child. Being a middle aged white man with a grown in beard- accidents do happen with chubby cheeked tots who grab onto his unsuspecting leg in grocery stores and assume that he is their father.

John has been called "Daddy" many times in his life, and since he is a man who aims to please, it's been more than once that he has let it slide during one night stands.

But with you?

His girl??

His WIFE????

Price does not like to be called daddy. His spine shivers and his body rejects the implication that your attraction to him is rooted in a negative experience with your own father.

He prefers to be called other things

"Baby" especially when you call him for dinner, "Honey" is nice when you're calling for him in front of others to show your love from him, "Sweetheart" specifically when you're angry with him- because he loves the way that you maintain warmth, and lastly "John"

That one is Johns favorite because he hears it the most between breathy moans. His name is barely audible when it slides out of your mouth as his hands work you over and make you needy and pliable.

But daddy is not one that he would choose.

But does this mean that John is sterile and boring in the bedroom ?

Not even close.

John puts his ALL into pleasing you.

He loves to catch you right as you're getting into bed for the night. He always starts with watching from the bed as you stand in the bathroom finishing your bedtime routine. Where John's head lays he can see your back as you rub the last of your sweet smelling lotion onto your wide shoulders and soft arms and tie the bow at the front of your bonnet. When finished- you turn around and wow.

Wow.

Wow.

John is raking his eyes over your round and soft body, covered in a flowy pink night dress and he could just cry over how beautiful you are. Your body sits beautifully beneath the dress, your nipples poking through and visible from the coolness in the room, your arms shifting into being crossed over your chest-

"-Baby, did you hear me?" Your sweet voice beckons him back to reality as your brown eyes graze over him for any recognition of being lucid.

"I'm so sorry honey, I was thinking. What did you say?" John immediately feels guilty for missing what you said and instead oggling you like a dog would do a slab of meat.

"I said what are you looking at me like that for?"

John looks at you. Caught. Red handed. (more like red tip right now but that neither here nor there")

The smile that spreads over your face immediately says: 'i know what you want- and im prepared to give it to you.'

He looks at you and lowers his tone into a rasp. It hits you in a way that makes you feel like you can't deny him his requests.

"Come -ere."

Your body seems to walk toward the large plush bed without your permission.

You look at him doe eyed "what?" You can't tell why you're also whispering but it feels right.

He, in one move, tosses the comforter off of his lower half and sits up to grab your wide hips.

"You're acting like you caught me with my hand in the cookie jar, but you're just as wound up as me. Aren't ya?"

You stare at him breathlessly not realizing that the previous question was not rhetorical

John reaches him hand up and under your night gown and rubs your slit through your panties.

"I said: Aren't ya?"

You feel dizzy and unbalanced from the sensation and grip onto his shoulder to steady yourself.

"I am- I want you to- hah -touch me. Please"

You normally aren't this sensitive but the way that he is talking to you is making you weak.

"Look at me. Where do you want me to touch you. Cmon use your words?"

You try to just moan in response as he slows his pace.

"God- you're difficult. Is this it?"

John quickly inserts his fingers and begins pumping them as you hold onto his shoulders and writhe from the contact.

He only continues to rub the spongy spot inside of you and speak to you in a cooing, mocking tone- "What? That feel good? Are you gonna keep fucking yourself on my fingers until that cum drips down my wrist?"

You start to feel the heat and coiling in your stomach about to snap.

"Yes, John, please!"

Right as your vision is about to white out in pleasure, you tell John pulling his fingers out.

Whining in frustration you push out "John I was so close why would yo-"

The rest of you sentence is cut off as John stands up and moves behind you and roughly bends you over, making the excess fat on your body jiggle with the impact of you hitting the bed and pulling off your panties.

Your complaints are quickly silenced as John grabs for a pillow to put beneath your soft tummy. You moan clench around nothing as he lewdly leans down and spits on your entrance to make himself fit well.

"Your pussy is such a hungry little thing- you just needed some proper dick to shut you up huh?"

Your eyes begin to roll back into your head as you feel the rough stretch of John repeatedly pushing his dick inside to the hilt, exiting, and pushing inside again.

You can barely breathe- let alone form thoughts when he fucks you like this.

His raspy moans and quiet curses only push you closer to you orgasm.

He quickens his pace and you know you are done for- you aren't going to be able to hold it.

"John, pleasepleaseplease. I'm gonna- I'm- "

Completely invested in making you crazy- John slides his hand around your wide hip and plays with your clit and begins to talk into your ear in a condescending tone.

"You're gonna what huh? What are you gonna do? Are you gonna cum all over this dick baby?"

You can't even respond because that statement makes your vision completely go away as you babble incoherently and make a mess down John's thick, hairy thighs.

You don't notice during your orgasm but as you squeeze down into Price you begin to fuck back into him, roughly slamming your round ass onto him, making John completely incapable of holding out.

John fills you with a keening low moan as you finally begin to slow down

"Babyyy- fuck. -hah -just like thatttt."

John grabs onto the fat of your hip and buries himself inside and gives you the last of his orgasm.

He pulls out, cleans you off, lets you use the bathroom, and gets into bed and wraps his arms around your soft waist.

As you both quietly breathe slower and slower John finally speaks with an eyeroll-

"You definitely knew what you were pulling with that outfit. You know I'm a mumu man.