#I always want to listen to this album when I hear them play it live but it just never sticks…. I want to get into metal so bad but it just

[frascospecimen]

This song is so gooooddddduhhh

[hiddenreamers]

I was in your music video - f1 drivers x singer!reader

SUMMARY: They say that if a poet loves you, they will write you into immortality. But if you date a musician, they might write you into the Billboard 100. Which is exactly what happens to your driver boyfriend.

Featuring: Lewis Hamilton, Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Carlos Sainz Jr, Max Verstappen, Charles Leclerc, George Russell

Note: Yes, two songs are sung by male artists. Yes, I'm going to ignore that fact and you should, too.

Lewis Hamilton

He's been in the room maybe five times. The space always felt strangely sacred to him - this is where you write, compose and practice songs with your band; this is where the magic, so to speak, happens. Walls are absolutely covered with tour posters, polaroids and printed-out articles. There's a large mirror that seems to be a message board considering all the sticky notes and words written with a marker. The only somewhat de-cluttered space is surrounding the setup. It's an unspoken testament to being a musician in a band.

There's a certain tension inside the driver. You've never asked him to listen to a song before it's finished. Sure, he has listened through your albums before they were officially released but it was always just that - a recording, not a live version. So what's different this time? Why is it vital he hears this song early?

Walking through the room, Lewis has to carefully watch where he's going. He doesn't want to accidentally break something by stepping on a cable or kicking a box with unknown contents. Inside a garage, he knows what not to touch but a recording studio and instruments are pretty much an unknown world to him.

Lewis is standing around a tad awkwardly, hands in pockets, when the bassist pushes a big black box closer to the driver.

"Have a seat." The musician points to the chest.

Lewis frowns. "On the box?" he asks, unsure. "Is that okay?"

"It's the Lucky Chest, Hamilton," the bassist announces. The other band members snicker at the title. "You have to sit on it."

"What's lucky about it?" Lewis inquires. More than the seating choice, he's interested in the reason for laughter.

"The first time we played at a big festival," the guitarist begins, her story slightly interrupted by her tuning the guitar, "we were sitting on it and listening to Green Day's stage, wondering 'how the fuck are we supposed to play after them?'."

"We were doing like a punk-rock tribute thing," adds the drummer. He's adjusting his seat and judging by the constant up-and-down movement, he can't make up his mind. The process is finally over when he reaches to tap the high-hat and nods to himself, content.

"After we finished our set," you take over retelling the story, "Billy Joe Armstrong came up to us and said we did great."

"So now it's the Lucky Chest," concludes the bassist.

Perhaps it's another testament to being a musician in a band when multiple people together tell one story without cutting details or creating chaos. A true harmony, though a joke a little on the nose.

"Well, I'm honoured," Lewis says. An airy giggle escapes him as he's still thinking about how easily teamwork comes to you and your band.

"You should be." The guitarist points her finger at him in a joking but accusatory way. Then she looks over her shoulder. "Whenever you're ready, drummer boy."

Music fills the room and Lewis is instantly captivated by you. He noticed it the first time he saw you on stage, how something inside you changes the moment you hear the instruments playing. Intensity, fire - passion in its most primal form. But this time around, the look in your eyes is different. You're no longer looking at the audience but him specifically; instead of singing a song, you seem to be telling him something.

So he listens.

I'm a desert, you're an ocean It's your motion that I need Without you I am broken, left to thirst out in the heat

And how strange he suddenly feels: all of the sentiments he already knows but now that you've put them into words for the whole world to hear, he can't help but find some revelation in them. For a moment, there's only the two of you and your confession of desire. Every word resonates with him and Lewis feels like he could say all of those things about you, too.

The song is far from over but he has already decided - he will listen to it before every race.

Lando Norris

Nothing seemed different about that day.

Lando is streaming while you're still at the studio. In an hour or so, you will come back, he will end the stream and the two of you will sit down to eat something. You will talk about your day, he will say something silly and both of you will laugh. Just like you always did.

To his credit, Lando couldn't have known about the song because you never told him. Some part of you thought it would be a bit dramatic to announce that you've written a song about him but can't play it yet because it's not finished. It would spoil the fun, wouldn't it? Therefore, you decided to tell Lando only after he listened to the final product. Perhaps you also wanted to seem a lot more nonchalant about the whole thing, planning on giving him just an off-hand comment of "oh, by the way, this one's about you". Life, however, rarely turns out the way we plan and that's exactly what happened that night.

If it was just one or two people calling Lando "honeybee" on the stream, he probably wouldn't even notice. But even he will pay attention when the comments are going on hundreds if not thousands.

He can't help but grow flustered at the pet name born out of his visceral fear of insects.

"Who told you that?!" he yells in a comically angry tone, a poor attempt at hiding embarrassment.

The comments come flooding again, explaining the situation only in variations of your name and the title Espresso. And like a detective following a crime, Lando immediately searches the internet.

"I feel lied to," he speaks up. "She didn't tell me she has a new song coming out. Why am I the last one to know? When I literally live with her? This is so unfair, I'm obviously the biggest fan, I should know first!"

Lando plays the music video. From the first line of "he's thinking about me every night", his bashfulness only gets worse. What starts as an excited smile, grows into a flustered, giggly mess. Although his pride is on the line, he can't deny any of the claims you make in the song. Yes, he couldn't sleep one night thinking about you and texted you about that. Yes, he does call you often even though he hates making phone calls. And yes, Lando Norris is, in fact, wrapped around your finger. What a horse is everyone can see and similarly, everyone can see and define who Lando is when it comes to his girlfriend:

"Simp?" he reads one of the comments. "Look, maybe I am but at the end of the day I'm dating her and you're not so who's the real loser here?"

Lando can only laugh his heart out when the chat gets flooded with identical comments: You.

"Okay, I admit. I'm down bad for my girlfriend and I'm proud of that."

Tomorrow's headlines are bound to be interesting...

Oscar Piastri

Although Oscar has seen you in musicals countless times, this situation feels a lot weirder and more uncomfortable. When he comes to watch your show, he's in the audience and you're on the stage. Now you're sitting side by side on the couch in your shared apartment, about to see your first movie. You're both the audience and the creator, which leaves you unsure how to act.

Unfortunately, your discomfort only grows. Oscar seems to be enjoying the movie but joy is not granted to you on this day. With each minute, you know your big part is coming. Oh God, what is he going to think?

Then, you suddenly pause the film. Oscar looks at you confused.

"There's something you need to know before you watch this scene and listen to the song," you say before he can ask you about your strange actions.

Oscar's frown only deepens. "You're making it sound really serious."

"Because it is. The thing is... " you hang your voice, unsure how to put words together. How do you tell someone this without making things awkward? "This is more embarrassing than I thought it would be but the song you're about to hear, I wrote it thinking about you."

He's trying to smile but the shadow of embarrassment on his face doesn't go unnoticed. You can only hope it's good kind of nervous.

The movie is resumed. As your discomfort is barely tolerable, you're looking away from the TV, fidgeting ever-so-slightly. Once or twice, you glance at Oscar, trying to see his reaction. The problem is, he's sitting unbelievably still. True, Oscar Piastri tends to be on the calmer side but right now it feels off. As if lost deep in thought, he appears to be diligently contemplating the scene in the movie; picking apart the words that came to your mind while thinking about him.

When the song comes to an end, you pause the film once more. A tense silence falls between you and Oscar, both longing to say something and yet neither willing to.

"So?" you begin hesitantly. "What do you think?"

Oscar shifts awkwardly. "Erm... I don't really know what to say."

A nervous giggle escapes your lips. "It's really sappy, I know." You try to downplay the situation, fearing that his reaction is born out of something negative. Does he think you're clingy? Obsessive? Too dramatic to handle?

"It's not that," he quickly denies. "Well, okay, it is kind of sappy but it's good sappy?" Oscar's tone raises slightly, revealing that he's unsure whether it's the right choice of words.

"Good sappy?" you repeat.

It feels as though woe has weaved a nest inside your viscera. "Good sappy" sounds like a lovely, diplomatic euphemism used not to hurt someone's feelings.

"Yeah, it's just..." Oscar doesn't finish his sentence. He runs his hand through his hair, then rubs the back of his neck nervously. Finally, he looks at you but not in a way you're familiar with. There's something ethereal in his gaze, a glint of inexplicable emotion that would escape a less observant eye. "It's really beautiful," he says. "The fact that you feel this way about me?" You could swear there are tears in his eyes as he lets out a flustered giggle. "I can die happy now."

Carlos Sainz

As old tradition entails, the Thursdays before a race weekend are meant for golfing. And who is Carlos Sainz to not give in to the custom?

He's sitting in his car, impatiently ploughing through the traffic of the city centre. Why are people out and about at this time, anyway? Shouldn't they be at work? Wanting to get his mind off of the fact that he's going to be quite late to the game, Carlos turns on the radio. The man is mindlessly skipping through the stations until something catches his attention - the announcer introduces you as today's guest.

"Hello again, pretty girl," Carlos says to himself. A small smile enters his face.

"First of all, I'd like to thank you," the radio host begins. "Unfinished Business is just the album I've been waiting for this year. And not only me! Have you seen Billboard 100 lately?"

Your flustered giggle is just as adorable as always. "Yesterday evening, I think?"

The broadcaster sighs dramatically. "Then you have ancient news. I have the site pulled up now and check it every few minutes. Let me tell you, Unfinished Business has climbed twenty spots since morning."

"Oh, shoot."

"Indeed." The announcer laughs and Carlos does with him. It's such a familiar theme for the driver - you being more humble than you really should be, surprised by the success you entirely deserve.

"Now, to address the elephant in the room or rather on the music charts. Over and Over Again is like a love letter all of us have written but never sent. Tell me all about it!"

"I guess 'love letter' is a pretty good description," you explain. Curious, Carlos turns up the volume. "For some time, I was trying to put my thoughts together and tell someone how I felt but never could quite do it. I can write good songs but in real life, I'm pretty terrible at speaking my mind and talking about feelings. I just don't want people to misunderstand, you know?"

"What are you saying, hermosa?" Carlos asks aloud, although there's no one to answer him.

"At least you can write a song about it! We regular folk are stuck with memes and playlists."

"Thank God, I can!" You laugh and, as embarrassing as it may sound, Carlos feels a sudden warmth spreading through his chest. "I was struggling with saying what I wanted to say to him, so at some point, I just decided I could put those words and feelings into a song. He likes to listen to the radio when he's driving so he might even be listening right now."

Although nothing bad or negative is going on, Carlos feels himself growing tense, nervous. There's no doubt the "he" you keep mentioning is him but what exactly is it you've been trying to tell him? Is there something he's missing?

"Did you tell him you've written a song about him?" the radio host asks.

"It might have slipped my mind," you answer coyly.

The announcer only laughs. "Oh dear, what a way to find out! Without further ado, let's hear your love letter to the mysterious man. I really hope he's listening to us right now. Don't you dare change the station, you lucky guy."

To his own surprise, Carlos recognizes the melody - you've been humming it for weeks now. But as you begin singing, the words leave him in disbelief. Do you really... mean all of that?

Carlos is lost in the song, feeling as though the lyrics aren't just lyrics but your genuine confession; a true love letter, as you have said yourself. He's brought back to reality only when the car behind him honks and Carlos is a hair's breadth away from picking a fight with the other driver. Nothing requires more haste or attention than his girlfriend exclaiming to the whole world that he will always be the one for her and that she will love him over and over again.

Charles Leclerc

You don't hear Charles coming in - you're too lost in your own thing to remember there's an entire world outside of the song and the piano in front of you. On the other hand, Charles doesn't announce his arrival as he doesn't want to disturb you. To be perfectly honest, he's a little too curious to interrupt you. It happens very rarely that you practise outside of the studio and so Charles doesn't really get to hear your more casual singing, not an embellished performance for the audience.

As quietly as he can, he makes his way towards you. Charles casually leans against the doorframe, your back turned to him as you continue playing the piano. He barely bites back the smile that creeps onto his face whenever you effortlessly sing the high notes - they are difficult for professionals and yet you execute them so cleanly, they appear almost too easy.

The lyrics haunt him but in a truly delicious way. A particular note of sincerity in your voice makes the words stick to him like rain does to a reckless passerby. Sure, they will slip away, although not before drenching him; their vital piece will forever lie with him.

When the song comes to an end, Charles (without thinking twice) gives you a hefty applause. The surprise makes you almost fall off the chair.

"Shit, you scared me!" you yell at him. It takes a couple deep breaths and your boyfriend's apologies, to collect yourself. "How much did you hear?"

He shrugs, suddenly realizing that he wasn't supposed to hear even one note of the song. "Pretty much all of it."

Your expression must not be joyful as Charles resumes his apologies and poor attempts at excuses. Suddenly, you cut him off. "How'd you like it?"

For a moment, he only hums and mindlessly knocks at the doorframe, looking for the right words.

"I loved it," he confesses. A strange tension in his voice proves he's telling the truth. "It's a beautiful song."

"Good," you answer absentmindedly. Quietly, you nod to yourself before looking back at Charles, a mischievous glint in your eyes. "It would really suck if you hated a song about yourself, you know?"

His eyes grow wide and Charles seems to forget about blinking for a good minute. Judging by the changes in his expression, you can tell the exact thought process he's experiencing: realizing you've written a song about him, joy caused by that, remembering the lyrics and finally taking them personally.

The more observant fans might notice a new addition to his helmet: "Claire de Lune" written in elegant lettering.

George Russell

Common sense might tell you that a race car driver must have no fear. And that would be correct, although quite imprecise. They must have no fear on track, yes, but daily life is quite different from racing, isn't it? Or maybe George is discovering a range of emotions he has not known before.

Your relationship is fresh but that isn't to say it's not serious. The weight of the connection the two of you share is a major part of the reason why George has been dead set on taking things slow. The other part is him knowing what media circus will play out once the news breaks. It's hard to blame him for wanting to keep at least some aspect of his life private, especially one that means so much to him.

As understanding as you are, George's apprehensiveness is tiring. You perfectly understand his reasoning and to some degree share the sentiment but at the same time, you are just somebody in love - you itch to scream it to the whole world. Or, at the very least, share a picture of the two of you. Both of you haven't been middle-schoolers for quite some time now, so why act like ones?

George, like the supportive boyfriend he is, loves to see you in your element. He watches the music videos, yet, but he much prefers the dance practice videos, where you're visibly enjoying each second of the choreography. Therefore, when you upload a new dance video for your song, he's probably the first person to play it.

It's a catchy tune that makes even the most boring people want to dance a little. With his head moving to the rhythm, George doesn't focus much on the lyrics until something in the second verse catches his attention:

So used to hiding We built our kingdom around The right timing

The lines, understandably, hit a little too close to home to be a pure coincidence. Now suspicious, George replays the video - this time, he's actually listening to the words instead of focusing on your dancing. Any hesitation that he's the true recipient of the song is gone with the first line of "Say you want me". The desperation in your voice is simply too candid to be just an act for the sake of the performance.

With the song loudly playing on a loop, George is scrolling through his phone's gallery in search of the best pictures of the two of you. He can't help but mouth the lyrics along with your singing, only to randomly giggle as the thought once again settles - it's about him.

Your phone can't stop vibrating. The notifications are coming nonstop. What on Earth happened? Upon opening Instagram, the mystery is solved. The internet seemed to be set on fire when George posted a series of pictures of the two of you with a caption that earned a giddy chuckle from you: "Setting us in motion".

Max Verstappen

Max and you both understand how much support can change. Sometimes just knowing that this other person is out there, watching and cheering, can change everything. As such, the two of you try to attend each other's events as much as you can. Unfortunately, the universe isn't always kind and you end up on the opposite ends of the world. The only support you can offer then is watching the live-streamed event - just like Max is doing right now.

He's sitting in his driver's room in Singapore, while you're at an award show in the USA. Quite the distance. There's something unbearably humbling about having to watch your performance like most of the world, when Max is, without a doubt, not most of the world.

In the back of his mind, Max is still thinking about the conversation he had with you earlier. Although he never misses your performances, you made it a point to tell him to watch this one. In your own words, he's supposed to look out for something fun, like a detail that will make this show different from the others. So as though he is a hawk, or more of a vulture, Max is hyperanalizing everything that's happening on the screen. He's not about to miss your little surprise.

The song begins and as much as he wants to enjoy watching you in your element, Max is a missile on a mission. Nothing specific seems to catch his eye but that t-shirt you're wearing...

Max knows it all too well. Theoretically, it's his t-shirt but considering you wear it more often than he does, it's practically yours. Now it's styled to fit the concept and image of your bandmates but the colour, the logo, the number, are all unmistakeable. Considering how much you're touching the article of clothing, compared to other dancers, he's convinced he's found what he was meant to look for.

Before he can wonder why you've chosen to wear his t-shirt for your performance, it's you who gives him the answer through the lyrics:

I feel like for the first time I am not faking Fingers on my buttons and now you're playing Master of anticipation, don't you keep it all to yourself

Max Verstappen doesn't get flustered but if he did, he'd be beyond flustered right now. The realization hits him like a derailed train - the song that everyone has been obsessed with through the summer and that has pretty obvious sexual lyrics is actually about him.

And if he did get flustered, the emotion would be rather short-lived, giving way to pride. After all, the core meaning of the song is that he's a generous lover, right? Clearly, he's been taking good care of his girlfriend.

Now, each sung line of "Just the touch of your love" makes Max all the more frustrated that the two of you are so far apart. He's earned his title of "Master of anticipation" and he intends to keep it.

[moonxytcn]

Heyyy (btw before I request anything ur writing is literally pure GOLD) anyways could u write about how the reader and billie have always been friends since childhood up to her newest album hit me hard and soft. Billie is on tour and the reader always finds a way to get front row tickets to her bestfriends shows. A few days before tour started the reader posted a TikTok with billie lying across her lap on the sofa. In the comments there was lots of speculation about a flirty friendship (behind closed doors the reader and billie both knew that was true). A few days later Billie was performing in LA. An hour or so into the show billie starts singing ‘Billie Bossa Nova’ from her album happier than ever. When it gets to the lyrics “nobody saw me in the lobby…𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬” Billie gave a smirk to the crowd instantly locking eyes with the reader and winking knowing full well that due to that TikTok posted a few days before, EVERYBODY saw her in your arms.

Nobody saw me in your arms

| Billie Eilish x fem!reader

summary – Billie and you finally talk about how you feel after years of hidden feelings and fan speculation

warnings – fluffy

a/n – heyyy thank you so much for the request!! hope you like it

| English is not my first language so there may be some errors.

| Masterlist —✽— Pinned Post

   ㅤ✯ ━━━━━━ ✿ ✫ ✿ ━━━━━━ ✯

–––

Billie’s voice echoes through the packed venue, the energy in the room palpable as she performs each song with the intensity and emotion that only she can bring. You’ve always been amazed at how she can captivate an audience, how she can make every single person in the room feel like she’s singing directly to them. But tonight, as you stand front row, the bass reverberating through your chest, you know that, for at least one song, she really is singing to you.

It’s been like this for as long as you can remember. From the time you were kids, Billie had a way of drawing people in. You still remember the days when she’d sneak into your room with a mischievous grin, her hair dyed some new, vibrant color, and a guitar slung over her shoulder. Back then, it was just the two of you, making up songs and laughing until your sides hurt. You’d listen to her dreams of becoming a star, and though you always believed in her, it was hard to imagine the tiny spark of a girl next door turning into the powerhouse standing on stage tonight.

You’ve been by her side through it all. From those early, impromptu jam sessions in your living room to the first time she played in front of a real crowd, you’ve watched her grow into the artist she is today. And no matter how big she’s gotten, how many millions of fans scream her name, she’s always made sure you were right there with her.

When Billie’s latest album, 'Hit Me Hard and Soft', dropped, you were one of the first people to hear it. She’d sent you the demos before the rest of the world even knew it existed, nervously biting her lip as she waited for your reaction. Of course, you loved it. How could you not? The album was everything she was—bold, vulnerable, raw, and beautiful. It was a testament to everything she’d been through, and everything you’d gone through together.

But of all the songs she has ever made, one has caught her attention. 'Billie Bossa Nova' was different from the rest, and when you first heard it, your heart skipped a beat. The lyrics were sultry, teasing, full of secrets whispered behind closed doors. You recognized yourself in the song, in the way Billie’s voice dipped and softened, in the way she played with the words like they were meant just for you. And you knew, in that moment, that your friendship had never been just a friendship.

You never talked about it—not really. Sure, there had been moments, stolen glances, lingering touches, that said more than words ever could. But neither of you wanted to ruin what you had. The connection between you was too special, too rare to risk by putting a label on it. So you kept it quiet, hidden behind the walls of inside jokes and childhood memories.

But a few days before the tour kicked off, something changed. You’d posted a TikTok of the two of you lounging on your sofa, Billie sprawled across your lap, her head resting comfortably against your chest. It was an innocent video, just a moment of you two being you, but the comments quickly exploded with speculation. People saw what was between you, even if you hadn’t fully admitted it to yourselves. The rumors of a "flirty friendship" spread like wildfire, with fans dissecting every interaction, every glance, every smile.

Billie had laughed it off when you showed her, her eyes twinkling with that familiar, mischievous glint. "Let them talk", she’d said, and you both agreed to keep it under wraps, to keep the world guessing.

And now, here you are, in the middle of her sold-out LA show, and you can feel the anticipation building. The setlist is winding down, and you know 'Billie Bossa Nova' is coming. You’ve been to every show so far on this tour, using every connection you have to secure front-row tickets. It's become your little tradition, a way to remind her that no matter how big her world gets, you'll always be there, front and center.

The lights dim, and the crowd hushes as the familiar, sultry beat of 'Billie Bossa Nova' starts to play. Billie steps to the edge of the stage, her gaze scanning the audience, and you can feel your heart start to race. You know this moment is for you.

As she sings, her voice dripping with honeyed tones, she sways to the rhythm, her eyes locking with yours. The crowd disappears, the world fades away, and it’s just the two of you, sharing a secret that no one else can touch. Then she gets to the line that makes your breath hitch every time: "Nobody saw me in the lobby…" She pauses for a beat, and you see the corner of her mouth quirk up in a playful smirk. "…nobody saw me in your arms."

And then she winks.

It’s quick, almost imperceptible to anyone not paying attention, but you catch it. Your stomach flips, a rush of warmth spreading through you as you realize what she’s just done. With that one simple gesture, she’s acknowledged everything. The TikTok, the rumors, the truth behind closed doors. She’s letting you know that she remembers, that she sees you, and that she’s just as affected as you are.

The crowd erupts into cheers, but you barely hear them. Your eyes are glued to Billie, your heart pounding as she finishes the song, still holding your gaze. When the final note fades, she blows a kiss to the audience, and you know that it’s meant for you.

The rest of the concert passes in a blur, your mind stuck on that moment, on the way she made you feel like the only person in the world. When the show finally ends, and the lights come up, you make your way backstage, your pulse racing with anticipation.

Billie’s waiting for you, her face flushed with the afterglow of the performance. "So." She says, a teasing lilt in her voice as she leans against the wall, "how’d you like the show?"

You roll your eyes, but you can’t keep the smile off your face. "You know I loved it."

"Good." She replies, her eyes sparkling. "Because that little wink? It was just for you."

Your breath catches as she steps closer, her gaze never leaving yours. "Billie, about that TikTok—" You start, but she cuts you off with a soft laugh.

"Don’t worry about it." She says, her voice low, almost a whisper. "Let them talk, remember?"

"But…" You hesitate, unsure of how to put everything you’re feeling into words. "But what if we want more than just letting them talk?"

She’s quiet for a moment, her expression softening as she reaches out to take your hand. "Then maybe it’s time we stop hiding." She says gently. "We’ve been dancing around this for years, and I’m tired of pretending. Aren’t you?"

You nod, your heart swelling with relief and something deeper, something that’s been building between you for as long as you can remember. "Yeah." You whisper, squeezing her hand. "I’m tired of pretending too."

Billie smiles, and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. "Good." She says, pulling you into a hug that feels like coming home. "Because I want you in my life—front row, center stage—where you belong."

As you hold each other, the noise of the world fades away, and it’s just the two of you again, just like it’s always been. But this time, there are no more secrets, no more hiding. Just the truth, out in the open, for everyone to see.

[wnbnny]

꒰ forever and a day ⭑ ꒱ - y.jh

genre ⋆ slice of life, est. relationship, fluff w small bit of angst, jeonghan x fem.reader! | wc ⋆ 0.9k | author's note ⋆ i was listening to fireworks & rollerblades & forever & a day is my favourite song on the album so i decided to write abt it >< listen to forever and a day as you read <3 | not proofread bc i wrote this at 3 a.m >< tw ⋆ reader is mentioned as 'wife', insecurities

i started driving through the hills, told me to come and get you

"hannie?" you called out softly, head peeking out from your shared bedroom's door. jeonghan raised his head, locking eyes with you. "yes?" he hummed, eyes filled with an unreadable softness and emotion you couldn't quite place.

no words convey the way it felt for me to finally hold you

"can... can i join you on the couch?" you asked tentatively, not wanting to bother him and disrupt his peace when he looked so cozy curled up on the couch. "of course baby, you don't have to ask. c'mere," he stretched out his arms, an open invitation for you to mold perfectly into.

in my arms just long enough to know

you took a step forward, and it wasn't long before you had finally crossed over the expanse of the living room to stand in front of him. you climb onto the couch, afraid to accidentally step on his limbs, tangled up in the heavy yet soft blankets. settling your head on his shoulder, you were enveloped in a comforting warmth, jeonghan's arm subconsciously pulling you closer into his side. the tv was playing an old rom-com, and the two of you settled into comfortable silence as you cuddled.

know every word you're gonna say before you even think it 

"she's so pretty," you comment, eyes fixated on the actress on screen. it fills your heart with a pang of mixed envy and sadness, insecurities coming to the surface. what if jeonghan thought you were ugly and left you for someone better? there were so many prettier women out there, ones that had beauty you could only dream of. the nagging feeling in the back of your mind grew even louder, drowning out the background noise. your hands, tangled in the blankets, fisted them slightly, clenching as you tried to futilely conquer the negative thoughts. jeonghan frowned, noting your fidgeting which could only mean one thing. "hey, you're prettier," he remarks, looking down at you. "thanks," you murmur, but jeonghan can immediately tell you don't believe him. "i mean it." he furrows his brows, and cups your chin to make you face him. his brown orbs bear into yours, hoping to get the message accross. you nodded slowly, the dullness in your eyes slightly disappearing, but not completely gone. he would work on convincing you, jeonghan vows. for now, he settles back into the cozy silence as you watch the sitcom.

but somehow, every joke you make is funnier each time around

"did you hear about the new store? you should visit it sometime, i've heard it's really good," you ponder. you and jeonghan are at the park, out on a date. "sounds great, but it would be better if i had you to accompany me," jeonghan leans in, a playful smirk on his face. you giggle and blush, rolling your eyes in faux annoyance. "oh, shut up, you big flirt."

your laugh is such a perfect sound

jeonghan watches as you giggle as you chatter with your friends, a fond smile on his face. you look radiant and happy, and he vows he will do whatever he can to always keep that smile on your face.

these butterflies lived a million lives to say

you blush, watching as jeonghan leans down to tie your shoelaces for you in the middle of a movie theatre, butterflies in your stomach. "done," he finishes with a smile, standing to press a featherlight kiss against your knuckles as you beam up at him.

i swear I've known you longer than

"oh my gosh, remember when we first met? i literally spilled coffee all over you," you laugh, on another day with jeonghan, this time at a cozy cafe. "you looked like you were on the verge of crying," jeonghan chuckles, then adds softly, "you were cute." 

i don't believe in destiny but i might have to say

"hannie?" you ask, and he hums in response. "yes?" "do you believe in destiny?" you ask, curious. "hmm... not really. i think you get to choose how your life turns out, whether through your actions or decisions," he explains, and you ponder on his answer thoughtfully.

your melodies, they're changing me

this time, you and jeonghan and sitting on the floor of the living room, christmas lights twinkling merrily on the colourful christmas tree in the corner. jeonghan is singing, strumming on his guitar, and then cozy warmth of the hot cocoa you hold in your hands envelops you in a soft, fluffy cocoon of love.

i'm yours, forever and a day

you and jeonghan stand under an archway, hands intertwined and cheeks flushed, giddy with excitement. he was dressed in a sharp tuxedo - and you in the most stunningly beautiful white dress that seemed to flow like water. "i, yoon jeonghan, promise to take y/n l/n as my wife, to have and to hold, from this day onward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. i promise to love and cherish you, to be the rock for you to lean on when you're down and had a bad day at work. i promise to be the one you can trust and confide in, to pour your burdens and insecurities to, and if i could, i would take them all from you, so that you may always have that radiant bright smile on your face i love so much. i promise to love you, forever and a day."

mastertag : @starseungs

[un1ver53]

Jealous much? - DUKE DENNIS ONESHOT

Angst with fluff 🖤🤞🏽

IF YOU DONT LIKE SMUT THEN YOU MIGHT NOT WANNA READ - it doesn’t have smut but it’s very close to 🤗🤗

1500+ words

••••

You, Y/N Y/L/N is a famous pop star with 9 Grammys under your belt and you couldn’t have done it without your fans of course. You adore your fans a lot since they’ve got you to the place where you are now. Sold out arenas, number one albums in the world, merchandise always needing a restock, your makeup line being one of the most spoken and initiative brands there is. You couldn’t have done it without them; so when your babies keep pestering you to do a collab with a certain someone then you listen. However, you just wished it wasn’t the rapper and singer called Future.

Some people mistake Duke for Future sometimes and as a joke, his fans decide to make fan accounts and ships between you and Future, even though you have been dating Duke for 2 years and you have never seen or interacted with Future. Duke used to find the jokes funny and light-hearted until you made a small little one.

Flashback

You’re sitting on Duke's lap, his arms wrapped around you as his big hands occasionally tightly squeeze your thighs. You start giggling as the fans pipe up again of the never-ending ship of you and the singer/rapper Future. Your boyfriend sighs laughing lightly until you say, “FINE you got me... I’m only with Duke because he’s the closest looking to Futu-”

“N***A what did you just say right now?!” Duke exclaims side eyeing you, not hearing the jokey tone in your voice.

“Baby I was jok-”

“Nah don’t give me that crap, you being serious right now ma? Nah n***a the fuck is this?” Duke pauses the stream abruptly and looks at you dead seriously.

“Baby please just calm down,” you say in a peaceful tone reaching out to hold his hands, which he accepts and lets you speak, “I was only joking since people are saying that, cmon baby you really think I would do that?”

Duke sighs and lets his head rest on your shoulder and you start playing with his dreads. “I’m so sorry mamas, I don’t know what happened. I just don’t want to think about you being with another guy or thinking of being with another guy.”

“It’s okay baby, I promise I never think about other guys in our relationship,”

You put out your small pinky finger for him to interlace it with his large dark one, he smiles and holds your pinky tightly pulling you closer to then interlace your lips together. You moan quietly as his grills bite your lip teasingly and his hands start to go up further up your dress shirt (his normal-sized shirt for him). You squeal feeling his cold hand on your hip and look away shyly then see the stream is still paused and the fans are confused but also somewhat worried. You smile and gesture for him to bring back the live and he does, returning the smile with his shiny grills. The fans are then reassured that everything is okay and not many jokes about the rapper who shall not be named was mentioned again.

Flashback ended

You’re in your personal recording studio with your legs propped on the expensive equipment as you slowly turn yourself side to side in your white wheely chair to wonder what to do. You read the lyrics again and listened to the demos of your verses repeatedly again, not knowing if you should bring the rapper who shall not be named onto the song and make a hit.

Contemplating quietly, you didn’t notice the door opening and your boyfriend but also the rest of the AMP members stroll in. Kai screams “WHAT'S UP SISTER!”

You slightly jump, nearly knocking your iced coffee onto the very expensive equipment, which you could easily buy again but that’s too much effort for you and your team to set up again.

“KAI YOU BITCH! Don’t scare me like that!”

He laughs along with the others and he starts apologising. You smile, and give everyone your hugs until you stop at Duke, he embraces you tightly kissing your lips and then asking, “Are you alright mamas? I can tell something is up?”

Duke always knew when something was bothering you, or if you just weren’t okay. You could fool anyone except him. You sigh and sit back on your white spinny chair in front of the AMP members and start saying the truth. You might as well tell all of them at the same time as Duke.

“Well you know how I’m a singer?”

Everyone nods confusingly but then you continue “Well sometimes a singer needs to collaborate with other singers to make really good songs, right?”

They all collectively nod again, “Girl where is this going?” Fanum asks.

“Just wait stupid,” you sigh looking down at your hands and then speaking “Well I’ve been making new songs and I’ve made a song, a love song which needs to be a collab with a male singer.”

After that statement, all the males could see where this was going and look between you and Duke wondering if they should pipe up or not.

“Well, do you know who it’s going to be?” Duke asks sternly.

“Well… the producers are all saying that there’s only one person who should do it and the fans have also sai-”

“Fine, I’ll do it n***a!” Kai exclaims exasperated getting up to shake your hand.

Everyone starts laughing, the tension being disrupted through the air and is finally gone because of Kai’s stupidity. However, one person wasn’t laughing, Duke.

“N***A SHE AINT ON ABOUT YOU! She’s probably on about Future. Am I right?” Duke says looking straight at you.

You nod slightly not knowing what to do. He sighs getting up and walking around not knowing how to feel. “Let me hear the song,”

You nod and put it on after telling them that you’ve only recorded with your voice and no one else’s. After the grand reveal of the song, everyone is still shocked at how good your voice is and starts hyping you up. You smile proudly but look around and see your boyfriend just sitting on the sofa looking at the ground. You sigh not knowing what to do, but the saviour Davis always does. He silently starts to make everyone go out of the room before giving you a smile and shutting the door behind him, giving you and Duke privacy.

“Listen baby I-”

“Did you write the song? WHO is it about? It’s about that n***a Future ain’t it?” Angrily, Duke says frustrated and looks up at you.

“Yes. I wrote the song and guess what it’s actually not about Future. I can’t believe you think I would do that?! Do you think I’m some type of whore that would go around making love songs about other people than her boyfriend? BECAUSE GUESS WHAT. IM NOT. I MAKE A LOVE SONG ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND BUT NO MY BOYFRIEND HAS TO THINK ITS-”

Your rant was abruptly ended when Duke grabbed your neck and then started the kiss your lips, both of your tongues finding each other and dancing together as if they were salsa partners. You start to moan as your knees buckle, losing strength. Duke grabs your plump ass, slapping it before lifting you up and dropping you on top of the sofa. He gets on top of you kissing your lips then slowly starts to make his way down to your neck and collarbones, giving you love bites and dark deep hickeys. You continue to moan loudly as being in a recording studio meant that no one could hear you, even if they were pressed up against the door.

You were about to continue then a knock at the door stops you both in your tracks, “ARE YALL DONE ARGUING OR FUCKING?” you hear from the other side of the door.

You laugh and get up, and start fixing your hair combing it with your fingers to try and get rid of the crazy sexed-up hair knowing that if you could have gone all the way then you would defo have to hide the hair as it would’ve been everywhere. Duke smiles at you and hugs you tightly before saying, “I’m sorry for getting angry, I just don’t want you to be with another man. I love the song so much thank you for writing it about me.”

“Jealous much huh? Don’t worry the only love songs I’m singing and writing are about you,” You tease before getting interrupted by the rest of the AMP members intruding into the studio.

“SEE they aren’t fucking!” Chris says at Agent but Angent could see something that his best mate couldn’t.

“N***a look at Y/N’s neck then speak to me.”

You look confused whilst Duke looks down and starts laughing. You turn around to look into a mirror and see all the dark hickeys Duke left.

“DUKE, AGENT, EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!” You exclaim trying to hide them with your hands.

•••

You got to do the song with Future after all, and let’s just say the song was an instant hit and you may have gotten a few awards for it. Duke was the proudest boyfriend in the world and wishes he could’ve put his jealousy aside in the earlier days, but now he makes up for it by giving you the best nights and mornings wink of your life after you win the awards.

The song I’ve been on about is called ‘Loveeeeeee Song’ By Rihanna ft. Future

[tarnished-butsogrand]

To Liam,

It's so strange that I just couldn't bring myself to create anything to honour the role you've played in my life. It's like I cannot allow myself to say goodbye to you, trying to push back the inevitability of it. This permanent goodbye that I don't want to speak into existence.

"Let's leave it unsaid, just one more second

If you don't say it, then it ain't true yet"

When I first 'met' you, I was newly thirteen and I saw your music video 'One Thing' on TV. I had excitedly texted my best friend at the time, gushing about five cute guys on TV that were singing, "Get out, get out, get out of my bed" which amused my friend to no extent. It was the start of a character defining moment in my life, and I didn't even know it then.

It was hard to keep up with you guys, our access to the internet was limited. Watching YouTube videos back then was a task. I would go to all lengths to do so anyway, because it felt like I had five friends who I could joke around with. That's the strangest thing. I so desperately wanted to be friends with you guys. Not date. Just friendship. Looking back at that time, I almost feel sorry for how lonely I was to depend on five guys who didn't know of my existence for friendship, but then I don't. I don't know what kind of person I would have become if I had been oblivious of your existence. Now, I have had so many friends that I have met/ talked to through you. I am not in touch with all of them, but I felt like a part of a community.

You'll never feel like you're alone

I'll make this feel like home.

You taught me to dream. For the longest time, I was adamant I would form a band myself, and be famous and meet you guys. I was so sure of it! I could never afford to buy albums, or the movies, the books even though I desperately wished to. Then, for my eighteenth birthday, I finally got my hands on your book and the This Is Us movie

It was my dream, to meet you guys one day, all of you, and have you sign this book. I would tell you how much you inspired me, helped this little girl in a little town dream of going places. Gave her hope she could make it out of there one day.

I am so grateful for that.

It's hard to think you were together as a band for only five years because it sure felt like ages back then. There was always so much... Drama! I still remember the day Zayn left the band. The best friend who had first heard my atrocious interpretation of your lyrics, she was the one who broke the news to me. My chapattis and okra curry seemed extra salty that day. My family was surprised. What is she crying for? I would tell them and they would try to keep from laughing. It felt like the world had ended, but everything carried on as usual.

Life went on, I begrudgingly decided against pursuing a career in music. It's so funny, isn't it? You guys were living the dream and consequently taught me how to dream. And now, you've left us because of it and I'm still here because I didn't pursue it (not saying I would have become as famous as you, or famous at all). I got into medical school. By that time, you were already three years deep into your 'hiatus'. I would hear about you, now and then. Maybe listen to a single or two. Loved Strip That Down. Loved your interviews. Loved For You. Was waiting for an album.

I kind of lost touch with the 1D fandom and you. In the blink of an eye, 2020 was here. I got back to the fandom right in time for the 1D 10 years anniversary. I was sure it wouldn't have any effect on me. I was grown up now. Then I bawled my eyes out to Fireproof and I realised I was still a sucker, and I would always be.

Nobody knows you, baby, the way I do

It's been so long, it's been so long

We must be fireproof

Then I realised. It wasn't the same anymore. When I left, people were excited about everyone's solo careers. Five times the fun, right? Everything had... Shifted. There were camps and groups and, it just wasn't actually the same. I was horrified. Blogs dedicated to hate certain members, the word 'flopped' being used incessantly when it came to them. And bearing the brunt of the most of it was, you.

I don't want to go back and rehash it all, it's too painful, but you know what? I would have that time back in an instant if it meant you were still out there. Alive. When the possibility of this happening was so damn preposterous, not even the craziest fanfiction could have a plot line like this.

I don't want to say I felt sorry for you, because that makes you seem small. You had talked about your struggles, but you had also gotten better. I heard Heart Meet Break and I heard Weekend. They sound so ominous right now.

Heart meet break, lips meet drink

Rock meets bottom, to the bottom I sink.

Fuck.

I come alive on the weekend

I might die on the weekend

Another line for my demons.

All the while, facing vitriol that was frankly alarming. There was nothing you could say or do that wasn't criticised or scrutinized. I felt helpless but I was determined, once again that the tide would turn. That people would see you for the kind soul that you really are.

Let me tell you, LP1 was damn good! I hope you're proud of that album, wherever you are, because you smashed it! And your First Time EP? Still mad that Slow wasn't on your main album, like who made that decision? I am sorry people didn't pay more attention to your music, because it is amazing! Your voice, of course. That note in Bedroom Floor-you aren't real, you know?

And your videos during the lockdown? And your LP shows? You kept us entertained and happy. We loved watching you do the thing you love the most.

Oh, Liam. Then I gradually drifted apart again. I wasn't there when you came out saying you had been sober. I wasn't aware it had gotten worse. I don't know why, but this October, I listened to your music for the first time in a long while. It's so strange. Just a few days later-

I still can't believe it, Liam. I still can't believe you have left us. I can't believe that this is the end, this is how you had to go. With the world still against you. You didn't get your chance at redemption, you didn't get your chance to prove to everyone how amazing you were! You had so much love left to give. Everyone talked about how you checked up on them frequently. I am sorry there was no one to do that for you. I am sorry for the way you were treated. I am sorry you didn't get the help you needed, I am sorry that we can't enjoy more of your songs, your voice, your paintings and most of all, that laugh where your eyes all crinkle up, and your body physically rocks with it, and for a moment you become the embodiment of sunshine.

You were just a boy, who had one working kidney and the other that miraculously started working. You were just a boy that had a fear of spoons and loved dinosaurs. You were just a boy who apparently couldn't read but wrote so many songs for One Direction that we hold close to our heart. You were just a boy who warned people against snake habitats, and dropped tubs of pasta on your floor. You were just a boy who is loved by so many, whose loss will weigh heavy on our hearts for the rest of our lives.

I'll never forget you. And I promise, I will make all my dreams come true. Maybe not the singing part, but the rest. Hope you're happy, Leeyum. I hope they're treating you better than we did.

How can I forget someone

Who gave me so much to remember?

With love, always

Rini

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 12 (Sneak Peek)

a/n:

hi, friends!

yet again, I deliver a 4,000 word 'sneak peek.' l m f a o.

like I've previously mentioned, the monstrosity that is Chapter 12 was initially part of Chapter 11. buuut due to these two being quite the stubborn pair, the chapters continue on their pattern of being much longer than the I anticipated. hopefully they tone down after chapter 12 comes out, but... there is no telling. lmao.

the chapter count has increased by like 2 (? I think.....) chapters, if you check out the masterlist you'll see that. the ideas just keep on coming on my long drives to work everyday, as I blast the playlist to this silly little story.

plz enjoy the cringe manip of Josh... I couldn't help making it. just had to see him in the booth at Jungle Juice for god knows what reason l o l.

Warnings: (as always: MDNI 18+); vivid recollection of unprotected p in v sex; self doubt; body image issues; sadness; heartache; pregnancy; mentions of infidelity (sry not sry, maya); as always, if i missed anything that is triggering to you, PLEASE lmk!

-🌼🌼🌼- 

Arguably, as you left that yoga class, you felt the most relaxed you had in a long while. 

Your belly was still heavy at your front, but everything else felt so loose. Weightless. It was nice.

Josh had decided afterwards that it was a good plan to get a couple of smoothies. And who were you to argue that? It was even more tempting since he’d offered to buy them.

The drive to and from all of your ventures had been nice. You two had listened to music most of the car ride – enjoying the soul music you’d both bonded over several years ago. 

But, as soon as “You’re All I Need To Get By” came on the shuffle, you quickly reached forward to skip past that one. And, it must have been your lucky day because as soon as that one was out of the way, the other song from that morning on the living room floor was playing. 

"(You Make Me Feel Like) A (motherfucking) Natural Woman", to your lovely surprise. Because why not?

The only songs you’d skipped and, of course, Josh had noticed. 

He’d snorted at you, making you glance in his direction. “What did Miss Aretha do to you?” 

“Nothing,” you shook your head with a lip stuck out. “Just didn’t feel like listening to those songs, I guess.”

I imagine your brother stark naked, inside of me, when I hear those songs, if you must know, you thought with a skip to your heart at the memory. And that’s just not what I need at the moment, Joshua.

And, with absolutely zero surprise, you were back in that damn living room. No point in skipping the songs, it seemed. The gray morning, rain pittering against the windows. The stupid idea you’d had, forever haunting your association with the Queen of Soul.

You’d just sat up on your elbows to watch him as he thumbed through the records, appreciating the view. “You pick and I’ll let you know if I like.”

And, as he’d searched through the albums, you’d just let your mind wander, right along with your eyes. . .

His body was a work of art. Always would be. Your favorite work of art. 

His thighs, ever-muscular, from the way they flexed when he’d move his body with his guitar on stage. 

That perfectly round ass that was undoubtedly gifted to him by the body gods. 

And his broad shoulders – strong to match his equally strong personality.

When he’d turned a bit towards you, you’d been given an image you’d never forget. His eyes, quickly scanning the back of a vinyl. And as he did so, your eyes had instantly found his straining dick. 

And, in the current moment, right next to his goddamned twin brother, you had to cross your damn legs at the thought of Jake’s dick. Fuck everything. Even if you shouldn't, all you wanted was Jacob Kiszka. All. You. Wanted. It was stupid to ever think you could convince yourself out of that particular desire. 

You could still imagine every detail from the morning. His tip, swollen from being pulled mid-sex. Your clit thrummed and twitched in current time at the thought, remembering how he'd still glistened from your dripping center. 

He’d turned to you fully, the Aretha Franklin vinyl in his grip – her Greatest Hits. You’d found his eyes. They were questioning, but you hadn’t been able to focus entirely on his glance. No, you’d looked away from his eyes to admire your most favorite parts of his body. 

His toned pecs and his solid stomach— fuck. They made you fucking weak.

There were truly no words for the way he was built— pecs naturally firm and rounded with lean muscle. 

And his stomach— just a little soft and the perfect finish to it all, complimenting him just right— finishing out his sturdy, powerful stature. 

His aura would always be compelling. He was utterly beautiful, with his sparkling amber-brown eyes, flowing chestnut locks – even longer now than then – and his sharp features. And the way he was built matched so well with how he carried himself. Without even trying, he could control any room he was in. 

(And control you with a simple snap of his fingers.)

He was honestly what all of your dreams were made of.

And, in moments from the past, like the sacred one you were remembering. . . you remember wishing everyday – more than anything – that he was yours. Still wanted him to be yours. You could remember thinking. . . no matter how bad you could be for him, your selfish wants had you constantly feeling pulled towards Jake.

But. . . he wasn’t yours. Not then. Not now. 

And that bitter thought had helped to snap you out of your trance on that simplistic, perfect morning. You'd finally looked at him to answer. 

He was smirking, knowingly. “I love your body, too, Beautiful.”

Your thighs pressed even closer together as you tapped out the beat of the current song on your thighs. A Minnie Riperton song. Just focus on Minnie. Tried to remember the moment you were currently in. . . But you couldn’t. Not yet.

Wait. Minnie. This song. You focused for a second. Was fucking "Memory Lane" playing? O-kay. Your life was truly hilarious. (Meaning, it was, in fact, not hilarious in the slightest.)

You tried to tune her out, rejecting the lyrics that hit far too close to home for your taste. But all that happened when you tuned her out, was Jake repeating the statement about your body. . . You could only hear those words from his mouth on repeat when you squeezed your eyes shut, so tightly.

With a gentle touch, you placed a hand to the bottom of your tummy to hold it. Your body now was nowhere near the same as it had been then. . . 

How the fuck would he talk about your body now? You knew how he felt about some of your newer assets. But. . . how would it feel now to hear him say things like that about your body? During sex? His dick, impossibly hard and leaking for your current, swollen body? Your belly, your bigger breasts? Your fuller thighs. . . Would he look at you the same during sex now? 

Fuck. Why were you even thinking like that?! You were imagining things that were only breaking your heart. . . Getting your mind in a dangerous space it did not need to be in.

Realizing it was slightly safer in your memories, you leaned back against your headrest to feel the rest of the moment.

You’d flushed at the words then. Even going the extra mile to roll your eyes. Tried your best to play off the way his words made your heart flutter. Ridiculous attempt. With a peek briefly at the record, you nodded at the choice. “Aretha is always a yes.”

“Agreed.”

He’d turned to put it on the Crosley, and as soon as the needle hummed against the record, making its wonderful crackling sound, you knew he’d made the right choice. This record was something else.

And now, the Greatest Hits vinyl held your heart in ways you could’ve never imagined on that rainy morning.

You could remember how it felt to watch him – the intoxicating combination of seeing him walk back to you, with some of the most incredible music backing him. . . Shit. (If you know, you fucking know.)

“I hope you don’t mind. I skipped past the first few,” he’d said as he came back to you, falling to his knees beside you. So near to you and ready to resume sex with you. There'd been no constraints. No girlfriends. No ugly voice in the back of your head telling you how terrible you were for him. Things were still perfect. 

You’d smiled up at him. “Perfectly fine. This is the best song on the entire record anyway.” 

“I think so, too,” he said, eyes lifting with a grin.

God. You felt tears climbing your throat, right next to Josh, as you thought of his sweet face. The smile on his lips that could have cured every single piece of trauma ever. . . If you would have let it. He was so goddamn perfect. And you were. . . well. . . you.

Then, he’d come back to you. Laid on his back for you as you angled your body to straddle him, sinking onto him.

The look on his face when you fucked him was one of your favorite sights. He’d always watched you so closely. . .whether it be your face, your breasts, your ass, or your center that wrapped around him, so tight. He’d scrunch his brows and let his mouth open a bit with certain movements of your hips, and bite his lip at other times. . . 

But, in moments like this one, with one hand holding your face while the other gripped your hip, a small, close-mouthed smile on his soft, plush lips. . . His emotion-filled eyes, boring into yours . . .

Your world had always tipped slightly on its axis when he’d do shit like that. Moments like the one from many mornings ago. . . Those moments had never failed to make a whole lot of gray in what should have been a strictly black and white situation. 

And, as you’d listened to the soulful voice flowing quietly from the record player, your thoughts drifted further. . .

When my soul was in the lost and found,

You came along to claim it.

I didn't know just what was wrong with me,

Till your kiss helped me name it.

The song had perfectly summed up how you felt about this man. The same man who had once been the bane of your existence, was now a light on your darkest days. 

And, in the present time. . . the father of your baby. Fuck.

As you’d glanced down to watch him, his hips had begun to move on their own – never failing to make you feel complete and right. . . You truly couldn’t imagine your life without him. 

Having him around made you feel . . . whole. Without even knowing or trying, he’d helped you find missing pieces to your puzzle. Found hidden pieces of your soul that you hadn’t seen in a long time. Some good pieces. Some bad pieces. But all necessary pieces of you. Pieces you’d forgotten even existed. And by simply being near you, he made you feel authentic in a way you’d never felt with another man. 

As you’d continued riding him, you had leaned down on your forearms to get close to his face. His handsome, handsome face. You’d given him a long kiss. A kiss that you’d hoped, then, was able to say thank you. . . Because, truly, you were so grateful for him. 

But when you’d separated your lips from his and pressed your perspired forehead to his own, you’d found the deep pools of his eyes that held so much of your world in them. And you’d known then that you had to say the words out loud.

“Thank you,” you’d whispered, hoping he’d understand as new tears had clouded your vision. Your hips were moving languidly at the perfect pace, matching the slow rocking of his hips. You’d been holding onto him, keeping rhythm with the beautiful, now-special song.

He’d held your gaze for more than a few moments, a secret smile forming in his eyes as he spoke. “Thank you.”

You’d studied him seriously, the feeling in his eyes seeming to match the longing in your heart. Both of you had stayed there for a minute, taking the other in. 

You’d kissed him once more. And, rather than continuing the conversation, you’d focused on finding a release for you both. 

That hadn’t even been “You’re All I Need To Get By”. . . Not yet. No, that song, that blissful melody from your memory, was “You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)”. . . And that he did – he made you feel like the melodies of that song. Always would. He was every lyric of that song, sealed forever in your heart that way.

But the next song. . . When you’d fallen apart on top of him. And him, just barely pulling out in time, to finish onto your tummy. . . All while the song had been surrounding you, enveloping your senses. . .

“Y/n!” Josh’s voice called to you from the current moment, his fingers making you jump a bit, your eyes hurriedly blinking open as he continued to snap in front of your face. “Earth to y/n!”

Fuck. How were you going to explain getting lost like that? Thankfully, your eyes had been closed almost the entire time. You could just say you’d been sleeping. 

“I was just sleeping, Josh,” you lamely explained, looking to your right, hoping you were already at the cafe.

And, for once, fate had worked in your favor, as he’d just parallel parked at Jungle Juice. Perfect timing. Avoid avoid avoid.

You hadn’t missed the curious look in his eye after your barely-there explanation or the way he’d opened his mouth to begin to question you. But as soon as he’d parked, you were hopping out of that Jetta. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

You were just sitting down, pomegranate smoothie in hand, at a table inside. Josh was still at the counter, you having instantly put distance between the two of you. As you sat, your mind briefly drifted to the mundane task of taking a seat. You noticed how much easier than normal it was to simply sit comfortably, thanks to the yoga. 

Soon, Josh was sitting down across from you. And, after he took one tiny drink of his smoothie, he pushed it ahead of him with a huff. His fluffy mess of curls flowed around his head with the noise. 

There should’ve been no surprise when he didn’t drop what you'd started in the car. His ass had practically just touched his booth bench when he was asking you. “What the fuck is it with those songs?”

“What?” You crinkled your brow at that. He hadn’t ever been around before for you to skip past those songs. For all he knew, you’d literally fallen asleep after the relaxing yoga class. “Just didn’t feel like hearing them today. And I got tire–.”

“Jake gets weird when they come on, too. . .,” he interrupted with a raised brow, trailing off as if lost in thought while addressing you. “Specifically “You’re All I Need”,” he mumbled, sort of to himself as he looked down at the table. Then his eyes flashed back to yours. “And, no. You were not sleeping. Faker.”

Damn. Yeah, there was no explaining your way out of this one. Were you really going to have to be honest with him? It did not feel like the time – for more reasons than one. But you decided you’d say what you could. . . Maybe you could make him uncomfortable enough to move on. . .

“Jake and I just had some incredible sex to those songs,” you began, eyes not once leaving his. He held firm, even after that blatant statement. Okay. Second try. But you had to look down for this part, too embarrassed to look at Josh as you said it. “Got really close to making the baby that morning rather than the night we got high. He pulled out just in time to aim it on my bell–.”

“Noooo thanks,” the curly-headed twin stopped you, holding up a hand with his lips turned down. “That’s enough. Truly. Thank you, I now know what I need to know.”

You raised a brow, a tiny smirk on your lips as a laugh squeaked past your lips. “Joshua. You didn’t need to know any of that.”

“Well. . . maybe you’re right,” he surmised with another small sip from his green drink. 

“I usually am,” you answered, relieved that he’d gotten all he wanted – no, needed – to know. “So, how are things going with–?” “Also, you are not ‘usually right’, my dear,” he corrected you, air quotes and all. His nose twitched with his own grin as he watched you narrow your eyes in his direction. “I can tell you that right now. Your little speech from last night. . . You and Jake both. Fuck,” he snorted before taking another drink. He covered his mouth with a silent laugh before smoothing the hand down the side of his face. “Both of you are the worst liars to ever live.”

The breath you should’ve been breathing got stuck in your lungs. Where was he going with this? This had the potential to be an extremely embarrassing and awkward conversation you weren’t in the headspace to have. “What are you talking about, Josh?” 

“You and my twin, claiming you were ‘nothing’,” he began, lips quirked with a close-lipped grin and the air quotes coming out to play again with the word you’d both used to describe your situationship. “That all your relationship was was one night of meaningless sex that resulted in my niece or nephew.”

Niece, you silently added. You suddenly wanted to tell him really badly. But you would let Jake do that. Made a note to tell him he could do that whenever he was ready. 

“I just find it funny,” he finished, his mouth still curved into a smirk. “I’m pretty sure we all knew that you were lying out of your asses. Well. . . except for that Theo guy. He’s kind of a moron.”

How did you even respond to this? Did you lie? Confide? Half-heartedly agree? Completely avoid it and tell him you didn’t want to discuss it? Fuck if you knew. 

So, you just began talking. 

“How are you so confident in this assumption that we were lying about it being nothing?” You quizzed him, taking a drink to hide a little. “You didn’t even know that we were doing it while we were doing it. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you didn’t know because it was nothing more than sex?”

“Oh, y/n. How in the world can you begin to question my empathic tendencies? You know I’d sensed the difference in Jake,” he reminded you, noting back to your day of the first OB appointment. “And, the more I thought back on it, I remember there being a rise in your spirits during the summertime as well. . . Only towards the end of it did you get all mopey. When, I can only assume, you started doubting yourself and Jacob. Enough so that Jake wanted to host a night to raise your spirits. . .,” he trailed off, taking another drink before tapping a finger to his chin, sitting the cup on the table.

“But, yes. You were nothing, mhm,” he continued with a sardonic nod, closing his eyes briefly with a mischievous grin before he was looking at you again. “You both were noticeably different – good different. And he noticed every shift in your mood. . . You got emotional way back on the day of that first ultrasound when I brought up his relationship with Maya. . . Um, what else? Oh! The motherfucker takes you to therapy! Of course he does, because you feel safe with him. Big fucking deal, by the way. And, yes, I know all of this, y/n – I’m watchful. Don’t you argue that fact with me,” he pointed at you with a raised brow and a slight smile. “. . .But. You were nothing. Okay.”

Well. “I–.”

“And then last night,” Josh giggled, taking a sip of his smoothie before placing his hands on the table in excitement. “Jake had his hands up your shorts, touching you. . . like that in front of everyone–.” 

“It was a card he was playing, Jo–.”

“. . .Whispering in your ear, your fuckin’ body reacting to it. His bodily reaction to it – I mean, with an unfortunate glance downwards, anyone was privy to that situation in his pants,” he outwardly cringed, lips turned down as he shook his head at the thought. He’d been that noticeably hard? Fuck. “And then, going to the bathroom to relieve himself with everyone in the living room!” Josh couldn’t stop his wail of a laugh at the end of the last line, attracting multiple eyes from fellow customers at the sound. 

“Josh, be quiet–,” you tried to intervene, once again getting stopped with his rambling.

“Well, not everyone, per se. I wish Elsie could have experienced that shit,” he shook his head again, but this time with a laugh as if remembering a fond memory. “She would have gotten a kick out of the free porn!”

Free PORN?! Josh.

“Joshua!” You were stunned, his voice still a higher decibel than it should have been for a proper establishment like Jungle Juice. Voice hushed, you leaned towards him. “Please quiet the fuck down.”

He observed your expression, still cackling. But soon, it calmed down. Calmed down enough to where he was still letting out little huffs of laughter, but his eyes bulged a bit. He seemed to remember at that very moment that it wasn’t just the two of you. Face set straighter than before, he turned, looking around to hastily address the people near you with an apology. 

Meanwhile, your cheeks were positively burning at everything he’d said. How in the hell did you even begin to address that shit? And why was it always on you and never Jake? 

When he was facing you again, you decided to try that line. Just to gain your bearings. “Are you going to quiz Jake like this? Or is it only the emotional pregnant lady who’s getting the heat?”

“Oh, he got it first. I actually crashed his and Maya’s morning this morning,” he replied, waving it off. Your stomach dropped at the thought of them in bed together, like you knew it shouldn’t. “Well. . . if I can even phrase it as such. Maya was getting completely ignored by him. He’d separated himself as much as possible from her, his body was practically pushed against the wall. I know she noticed how far detached he was, though. . . She was looking his way when I barged in, a sad look on her face and everything. Poor thing. Didn’t take much for me to make her leave.”

The way you snorted at that was unstoppable. He what? “Josh! You made her leave?”

“Well, again – if I can even phrase it like that,” he shrugged, one hand waving nonchalantly in the air with a roll of his eyes. “Like I said, she was already awake when I went in. I think she’d just woken up to notice he’d pulled totally away from her,” he grit his teeth, baring them with a hiss as he shook his head. “So it didn’t take much more than me asking if I could please talk to my brother for her to leave. She was already kind of pissy, so she readily agreed. I’m sure she thought I was going to confront him about blatantly cheating on her in front of us all.”

Blatantly cheating. Harsh words. True words. You felt guilty at them. Because, yes, you’d completely joined in on Jake’s antics – helped him be unfaithful to her. To be fair, you couldn’t have stopped yourself if you tried. . . Hence your new determination to be nothing more than a friend. 

As much as it sucked.

“Did you? Confront him?” Was all you could croak out. 

“I did confront him about it, yes,” he nodded assuredly, his tone stern. Damn. Was he actually super pissed? Why had he been all giggly if he was so angry? 

So, you started apologizing. You felt really bad and you didn’t know what else to do. 

“I’m sorry, Josh. I don’t know what came over me. I just couldn’t–.”

“Help yourself?” 

You blinked with a nervous gulp. “Yes. I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, of course not,” he replied, intonation light once again. You blinked again, this time in shock at the change in attitude. He continued before you could question it. “He couldn’t either, it seemed. There was no other reason for him to act so rashly in front of all of us.”

It was silent for a few seconds, your brain blanking on what to even respond to that. You were curious what he’d said to Jake. What Jake had responded. But you were scared to ask – didn’t want to make even more of an ass out of yourself by prying. 

Thankfully, Josh kept on before you could consider it any longer. “So, I told him this morning,” Yes! He was going to divulge. You tried not to look too interested. He cleared his throat, his eyes finding yours seriously, your stomach dropping at what he could have said. “I told him that if he’s going to do that shit, he needs to keep it out of Maya’s sight. Because, while I don’t condone cheating, I do condone my brother being happy. And hopefully, she’ll be out of the picture soon anyway, so the cheating won’t even have to be a thought. Keeping it out of her sight and all - won’t be an issue.”

Stunned. You were stunned. What the fuck?! Josh had told him what?!

You couldn’t stop staring at him. Your eyes, wide and expression shocked. The way your mouth hung open would have been more embarrassing had you been more aware of how much it gaped. But before you could give it much more thought, you were talking without thinking. 

“Excuse me?” You responded, rather loudly, you must say. "You told him what?!"

“Y/n!” Josh laughed, eyes bugged, pointing towards you before waving his hands theatrically around the restaurant. “‘Please quiet the fuck down.’”

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: I, personally, value Josh's opinions on the matter...... what about you? ;)

also. free porn. l m a o.

Taglist:

@jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlover, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend

@aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @sacredtheslay, @alienobsever, @hollyco, @age0fwagner, @raceb14, @stardustcatcher, @styles-canvas, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf

@torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98, @mackalah, @lek-gvf, @carlyfleet, @profitofthedune, @mefiorini, @welllauragvf, @highway-tuna, @dont-go-home-without-me @sarah-gvf01, @polemicandcontent, @ageofbajabule, @texas-bbq-pringles

[ta3hyungtwinflme]

Never Enough...

(jungkook x reader)

Description: What should you do when your husband is pulling away from you? Why can't things be as good as they used to be? That's when her phone buzzes a text from an unknown number. It's a video.

Author's preface: Hi guys, so this is going to be super duper angsty, and there will be no fluff at the end. It's just sadness, because I like to read angst, but I find it so taboo that they always make up in the end when life sometimes isn’t like that. So please enjoy!

Warnings: cheating, mental breakdown, mature language, mature scenes, and no comfort ending

Also, I’m very open to doing part 2's; if you want me to do part 2 of any of my one shots, I'll try my best to write another part.

Jeon Jungkook, one of the most successful businessmen in South Korea. He was a gatsby in his own respect. The parties he threw were big and extravagant; not many had the chance to know who he was or who he pretended to be. I knew the real him once, but I think he fakes who he is so much that I fear he is losing who he is. I stand over the stove once again tonight, not unlike the rest as of late. Jungkook isn’t home, and he is at work as I listen to the humming of my fan. The pure silence in this house is haunting. I find myself listening to my own breathing, the soft sound of the radio playing the song I just put on, and the sound of laughs and life surrounding our house as we lived in a big city. I stand here in the dim lighting of the kitchen, smelling the fresh rice I just made and the spice of the marinated pork belly and the peppers I’m cutting up. I continue cutting them, watching the small red slices pile up and fall off the knife. I throw them into the pan with the pork belly, almost robot-like. I fry the side beautifully, and then I plate the spicy pork belly and rice, and I sit at the end of the table and set his side of the table. I wait 5 minutes, then 10, then 30, and finally I realize it’s been 2 hours. I look at my food completely and utterly disgusted. I take his food and put it in the kitchen, and I leave a note by the coat rack so he knows that it’s left there, and I cover my bowl in saran wrap and put it in the fridge, adding to the tubs of food that are left in there. I go upstairs, and I go to our shared room and wash up and dry my hair before putting on my skincare products and putting on my white nightgown. I take a handle of whiskey from my bar cart and pour it in a glass. I look at my vinyl records, and I pick out one; it’s an album of Lana Del Rey's. as I’m setting up the record. I hear the door opening and closing from downstairs, but I pay it no attention, and I set the player to young and beautiful, and I open the arched doors to the huge balcony, and the curtains blow and flutter in the wind. I take my whiskey and I walk out, and I walk to the edge and lean on the railing as the record starts. I take a sip as I look up at the moon. It's almost full; just a sliver is missing, but that makes it just as empty as if it had over half or just a sliver. I look up at the moon, and I tear up, letting myself cry for once. I can feel the tears escaping my eyes and sliding down my cheeks. I lick my dry lips, and my cheeks are rosy from the bite of the wind's coolness. I hold myself tighter as I stand there. I hear the bedroom door open, and I don’t look back already, knowing who it is.

Jungkooks pov

I walk in the room and I see the balcony doors are open, figuring she is standing out there, and I move towards the door. I stop as I see her standing there in a white nightgown fluttering in the wind and her hair coming up in bits being blown through the air. She looks like a complete angel as the moonlight covers her, catching her skin and making it shine. I softly walk towards her and see she has a glass of whiskey, and the song changes to video games by Lana Del Rey. I catch the side of her face and see a tear on her cheek. It feels wrong to appreciate how the moon catches her tears, but I can’t help it. I stand beside her. “What happened?” I ask with my tone as cold as usual. “Nothing you need to worry about,” she says softly, and she wipes them away. I can't help but notice her rosy cheeks and nose, how the moon catches her features, how her eyes sparkle, and how beautiful she looks even after crying.

Y/n pov

I wipe my tears. I take the rest of my whiskey and drink it all in one go, and I turn and start walking in. I set the whiskey glass on the side, and I lay down in bed. A few minutes later, Jungkook walks in and closes the balcony doors. He gets ready for bed and lays down beside me, and he turns his back towards me. I turn off the light and lay there, and I listen to the silence. I slowly start to go to sleep.I wake up the next day and feel the bed beside me; there is no one there. I’m used to this by now, but I still feel a certain disappointment. I go about my day as usual and I start cooking dinner again. I finish it up by plating it, but there is a buzz from my phone. I open it up, and my heart drops. I see my husband and another woman in his office on camera, and he is fucking her. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes when another buzz comes, “Looks like your husband wants me better.” I hear the door open. I wait there over the food, fists balled up, leaning over the counter with tears in my eyes. “What’s for dinner?” I don’t respond, “Did you hear, I said what’s for dinner?” I imagined all the nights I was left alone. This is why he was always late to come home and why he was turning cold. He didn't love me. I started chanting in my head. I pick up a plate and throw it on the ground at his feet. He jumps up. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” she looks up at him. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” she breaks the other plate at his feet. “YOU ARE FUCKING ANOTHER WOMAN.” The color drains from his face as he tries to talk. “Baby I-” she cries and slides down against the wall crying. “Baby shhh,” he says, coming towards her, “get away from me.” She says her voice is hard and harsh. He tries to hug her. “Don’t touch me,” she says, her voice breaking. She sobs and cries. “You don’t love me,” she chants over and over. He is crying, “No baby, I do love you. Please listen, please.” She breathes in a shuddering breath, “I love you. I wait for you every night. I wait all day. I feel for you in the morning. I wait for your love at night. But guess what I get? Nothing. You don’t love me. What happened to the man who would kiss me and cuddle me? What happened to the man who would show me off at every party? Where is the man who cried when he saw me on our wedding day? Where is he because it feels like he  died?" He cries watching me cry. “I’m so sorry” is all that could leave his lips. We both sit here in a loud silence, both crying, and he crawls to me and leans his forehead against my hand that sits on my knee. “Please forgive me, please, baby, don’t leave me.” he pleads. “Please, please plead.” A sob goes through his body as he pleads. I get up and walk to the bedroom, grabbing some clothes, and he runs behind me, hugging me and sobbing. "Please, baby, please don’t go.” She stands there and cries when she grabs his hands and unravels them from her body. “If you don’t let me go now, I know I won’t be able to stay with you, please, Jungkook.” He lets her go and watches her pack sobs leaving his body. She zips up her suitcase and takes her bags downstairs, and she puts on her shoes before going out the door. She cries as she loads her suitcase in her car, and she sits in the driver seat and sobs.

His pov

This house is useless. Her closet is empty. The house no longer hears her humming; it feels like the walls are crying as she leaves. I grab the small box I keep in my tableside drawer and look through the pictures of her. I miss my happy girl, my lover. I miss her smile and her laugh. I miss that look in her eyes. I need to let her go in order for us to have even a chance of working out, but I don’t know if I can. I can never let her go. Without her is a punishment worse than death. It is the punishment to live life without hope, happiness, or love. I have to find a way to get her back, but I don’t know how.

[ladyamanda123]

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - My Analysis

Your hologram stumbled into my apartment

Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

And I just watched it happen

This line SCREAMS Kaylor! Karlie lived with her. She had a Karlie room in her apartment. I can absolutely picture a scenario where before they are “together” Karlie is bringing people home to Taylor’s apartment and Taylor is lying in bed just dying inside listening to it happen. It calls back to Hits Different with “I hear your key turn in the door” and Cornelia Street with “But then you called, showed your hand” line where there has clearly been an argument. That argument could have been Taylor losing it about Karlie bringing people home and then Karlie calling Taylor and confessing her feelings for her and the rest is Kaylor history!

As the decade would play us for fools

And you saw my bones out with somebody new

Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school

And you just watched it happen

Its quite literally been 10 years since the start of Kaylor. They officially met in 2013 and this album drops on 2024. Now Karlie is stuck watching Taylor beard with 🏈….the perfect representation of the dickwad football bro that would bully kids in school.

If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were'

If you want to tear my world apart

Just say you've always wondered

Years of bearding, distance, lies, etc HAS to have taken a massive toll. If they’ve been together this whole time there’s no way to that hasn’t been hard AF. If they split and then eventually came back together this will have still been all hard AF. Either way, whatever you think the reality might be, this decade has sucked! The idea of them looking back and who they were before this all blew up and saying….what could our life had been like if we hadn’t made these decisions. If we had been brave. If we had had control. If we had done this different. The hindsight must sting something horrible!

You said some things that I can't unabsorb

You turned me into an idea of sorts

If so much of this was out of their control but they decided to try and make it work, the buildup of being together someday….the fact Covid probably played a huge roll in delaying it….over time that distance will absolutely lead to this concept…. “You turned me into an idea of sorts”. Anyone who has been in any sort of long distance or forbidden relationship knows exactly what this is saying. When we don’t have the object of our desire and it builds up over time in our heads to be something it’s not. The pressure that puts on the relationship and the person to meet those unreasonably high expectations that have been swirling in your head all that time. If you’re not careful, if you don’t pivot those expectations, that shit can be insanely toxic to the relationship.

You needed me but you needed drugs more

And I couldn't watch it happen

I think this is a red herring line to make us think Matty, but I also think this could be a line from Karlie’s perspective and the drugs needed is Taylor and her fame and her mastermind plans. It could explain some of the anger at the fans she’s showing now. You wouldn’t accept us. You wouldn’t accept me. I chose you over the person I love and over myself. I played this part for you and now I’m wondering what if I had chosen the other path. What if I had picked her and picked us and picked myself over the drug of being who you wanted me to be for you. This brings to mind the line in Miss Americana where she talks about the addiction to the applause. It also ties in to the 🎃 anon message…. “You’re a selfish asshole….but you’re finally choosing her”

I changed into goddesses, villains and fools

Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules

All to outrun my desertion of you

And you just watched it

More of the same theme….I made myself into this thing that everyone wanted…the fans, the labels, the media, my dad, etc. All in an effort to justify pushing us back in the closet and you just had to take it and now I think I chose wrong. I should have picked us over them.

If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were'

If you want to tear my world apart

Just say you've always wondered

If the glint in my eye traced the depths of your sigh

Down that passage in time

Back to the moment I crashed into you

Like so many wrecks do

Too impaired by my youth

To know what to do

Again, hindsight…looking back and realizing you made a choice and that choice had major consequences on your life and on the life of the person you love and you can’t go backwards and that breaks your heart now.

So if I sell my apartment

And you have some kids with an internet starlet

Will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon

like it never happened

We aren’t those roommates from Cornelia Street and Maroon anymore. Everything has changed now. You’re stuck in this marriage/life and that apartment life we shared is gone now…did our choices back that lead us to a place where your feelings have changed? Have you forgotten who we were? Have you moved on? Is that version of us gone now because we’ve come to far from it?

Could it be enough to just float in your orbit

Down Bad reference…also could be asking if it could be enough to glass closet like before. Can we do the friend thing our whole lives and be okay with that? Or do we need to actually “come out” and be openly together for real?

Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses

“Dancing phantoms on the terrace” Very clear reference to Kissgate. Can we go back to that? Being “friends” and having the world openly speculate etc etc. I feel like this song is them finally coming back together and going “Okay, this is another cross roads for us. We fucked up last time. How do we fix this? Do we break up and let each other go? Do we go back to how it was…together but technically still closeted? Or do we do what we should/could have done back then and just be who we are and be together openly? Can we rewrite this ending? The prophesy ties in here too as well as the Manuscript. Looking back and wishing you had made different choices and examining if it’s possible to get your life back on track.

Cooler in theory but not if you force it

To be, it just didn't happen

The idea of us that we have been clinging to for 10 years, the expectations, the mastermind plans…are we holding on still to just a dream or an idea that no longer exists? It’s been 10 years and it hasn’t happened like we planned. So now what? Again this screams of a cross roads. They’re looking at each other saying we can’t keep doing this. We need to make a new decision or we will destroy ourselves.

So if you want to break my cold, cold heart

Say you loved me

And if you want to tear my world apart

Say you'll always wonder

Cause I wonder

Will I always

Will I always wonder?

The song ends with the desperate and vulnerable question. In Lover Taylor was exploring those vulnerable early questions in a relationship…..can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Can this relationship go the distance? Are you my person?

Now they’ve arrived at the vulnerable possible end questions. Stop. You’re losing me. Is this the part where you break my heart? Are you going to tell me I fucked it up to bad and you’re leaving? Are you about to confirm what I fear? That I chose the wrong road and now I’ve lost you?

Ending on the question that way shows the decision wasn’t made yet at this point. The song leaves us in that desperate silence between the question and the answer.

This also calls back for me to Mine. When she runs out and braces herself for the goodbye. That’s what history has shown her. That’s what she expects in these moments. But this person is different. This person called and showed their hand. This person took you by surprise and said I’m not leaving you alone. Are they still that person? Or have you finally fucked it up enough that even they are about to leave you?

I think given the shit that’s dropping now, the TTPD lyrics, the massive cracks in the facade, we can figure out what choice was made…..”You finally chose her” ❤️

Hopefully, now at the end of this part, they can have their do over (Come one come all) and regain what was lost. Hopefully they can change The Prophecy moving forward.

[kierongillen]

i have to know - as a disco elysium fan who didnt do disco, what would you say is essential disco listening for me?

I'm hugely behind on the asks, but I have to answer this one, because I'm going to answer a connected but completely different question, and then maybe then loop back to you. I'm just looking for an excuse to ramble, and do the writer equivalent of a warm-up sketch (i.e. waste time).

My apologies.

If you wake up and decide that you want to get into a whole genre of music, there's basically two tactics.

(There's also the "Why would anyone care to get into something they don't care about", which is one of the few things I have a "There's two sorts of people..." response to - those who when presented by something unknown either think "why should I know about that?" or "why don't I know about that?" I'm the latter, and it's served me well.)

The first tactic is simple.

Jump on a genre with Best Of in the title and follow your pleasure response. Here's a Spotify one. What interests you? What excited you? What makes you laugh? Probably explore more of that. If not, indulge widely, and see what sticks. At a glance, Disco playlists seem to have the problem of most playlists, in that strictly not everything on it is disco per se. For example, Dancing Queen strictly speaking isn't a disco song - but it's a song about disco, in every way. But if anything has found its way on a playlist, it's found its way on for a reason.

In your case, you're interested in what Disco resonates with Disco Elysium. Which I've bought for C, but not played, but I'm aware of in a "if I was still a games journalist, this is clearly one I would write a lot about." I spent years writing about Planescape Torment, and I know a spiritual successor when I see one.

This makes me think the area you want is basically the classier end - the big bleak emotions, the chilliness, the control, lonely on a dancefloor, lonely everywhere, oh-so-much cocaine, and - to steal Paul Lester's line - glass mountains on fire.

Which leads back to the second way of getting into a genre of music - which is to hit a major artist, and hit them hard.

When asked about "how shall I get into a band" my advice is actually the opposite of what I'm about to give. If you just want to get into a band, get Best Of, see what tracks you like, then go to the albums they're from. But if you're trying to get into a whole genre of music, that's a more serious endeavour, and may reward the opposite approach.

Basically pick a key album from a key band, and get into it, and grow from there. Read about the band - you don't need much, but a little helps. Learn how to listen to what their tracks do. And then you use that band as the single point of knowledge you have to orientate yourself to everything else you listen afterwarads.

There's a huge danger to this - basically, no-one is more ignorant than someone with a little knowledge. You have to be aware that you are the person who knows a bit about Boss Baby, and using that to get into things other than Boss Baby.

The strength is that it's a more holistic, lived in knowledge than just skimming the surface. You understand the music better as an artifact of their times, made by people, responding to their specific situation - which adds different flavours to your appreciation of it. Sure, your own response and how it finds a place in your life is always the thing which over-rules anything else - but the more you can listen for, the more you can hear, the more you can get from a work of art.

Anyway - I'm telling you to go and listen to Risque by Chic.

Chic are basically fucking awesome. If you don't know Disco at all, the opening Good Times chilly ironic take on American late-seventies culture is a great and (I suspect) Disco Elysium relevant intro. You'll know it as a sample, if nothing else, and the eight minutes version that opens Risque is a great way to think about it as both music for dancing (it is endless) and music for listening (it is boundless).

I got Risque as Paul Lester went to bat for it so hard in the Unknown Pleasures book the Maker stuck on the cover in 1995 (it was covering 20 albums that had fell out of the critical conversation, and it absolutely changed the dirction of my listening in the period). Here's Lester writing about Risque more recently for a taste, as the original piece doesn't appear to be online. I just read it in my copy, and it's a burst of love, describing it Disco as music about love - never sex, only love, and mainly love that is denied. That seems solid, at least for the best of chic.

Risque is the Chic album that Lloyd from Phonogram would have been listening to, certainly. I know I did.

(Plus At Last I Am Free from C'est Chic, obv)

There's a lot of Chic to listen to - their own work, especially in the period, and all their productions. Their work with Sister Sledge is of particular import - Lost In Music was one of the working title for Phonogram, and you can see and hear why. They're also the Disco band whose influence is perhaps most obvious in other bands. Everyone liked Chic. No Chic, no Orange Juice, no Orange Juice, no Smiths, etc.

Sister Sledge was the first live band I was at. My mum went to see them when she was eight and a half months pregnant. The temptration to say I'd have heard Lost in Music then and sold is tempting, but ahistorical - it's well before their work with Chic.

Anyway - get into Chic. It'll make your life better - and when your life isn't better, it's a superior context to lose yourself.

However, to go back to your question, as a Disco Elysium fan, I'm not sure it's actually THIS Disco you're looking for.

How about Disco Inferno?

Not Disco at all, but most like itself than anything else, which sounds like what I understand about Disco Elysium. right?

(DI Goes Pop is the starting place)

[crepesuzette2023]

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts (and your readers' too!) or, if you'd like, your headcanon for what John and Paul's friendship/relationship/situationship might have looked like in the 80s if John hadn’t been murdered.

The more I listen to Paul's 70s discography, the more I feel just how much he seemed to miss John, and things didn’t seem to be getting easier as the decade came to a close. We know that songs like Now and Then and Real Love offer a glimpse into John's feelings, and there was clearly a sense of him missing Paul back.

So, do you have any headcanon about what could have been between them in that decade?

This is such a fascinating ask. Thank you.

I recently listened to McCartney II again, and also to Double Fantasy and Milk and Honey. And it struck me how alive and creative both of them were—and it made me think of their planned studio/writing date in January '81, which didn't happen.

What could their relationship have looked like, if John had lived? On the creative/musical level, I'm torn. Yes, they were Lennon and McCartney, and each of them was at a peak individually—surely they would have done great things together? But then I think of John describing the "Toot & A Snore" session, and how everyone was staring at him and Paul in the studio. Yes, they could have met in secret to write—but at some point, they would have had to share their new songs with the public. And I can totally imagine a situation where the public would have said, 'no thanks,' with only us, now, realizing how good their first album together actually was…(a la Ram)...and maybe they would have stopped after that...or wait: Paul would not have let them stop. :-)

In my mind, I'm fond of the idea of them collaborating and writing together, with space for each of them to do their own thing, provided they still enjoyed it and were happy with the results. It's impossible to say if that would have been the case. But in some weird way, I can't imagine them becoming friends (and more?) again without also enjoying writing together. Given the drama that played out via the press in the 70’s, neither of them cared about endless questions about the past, or the burden of being Lennon/McCartney. So perhaps...they would have written together under a pseudonym?! All their lives? Until this very day? Love that thought. (Didn't John have a tour planned with Double Fantasy? For some reason, I'm not really thinking about them forming a band again, or touring together in a systematic way.)

As for their friendship/relationship/situationship—God Only Knows what the fic writer in me would have wanted for them! :-)

All I can say is that I can't imagine a sustained, fruitful musical/songwriting collaboration without imagining them being genuinely close again. I'm not trying to avoid the 'lovers' question; I think what I said would be true regardless of the degree of canoodling: I don't think they would have written together again without being fond of, and enjoying, each other. The fact that they apparently planned studio time together before John died, suggests that the curiosity (hope?) was there.

I don't think they would have written masterpieces on the level of the Beatles, had they started writing again. But I'm only saying that because my imagination is more limited than their talent.

I think their relationship in the late 70's is difficult to gauge, and I tend to avoid that time period, because, knowing what will happen to John, it makes me sad. Musically they were in a good place in ‘79/’80. But maybe, if they had met and tried to write again, they would have concluded that they were worlds apart, and that would have been that.

But maybe they would have started to co-headline certain festivals? And always been *aware* of each other?!

And you know what— there was a kinkmeme prompt once, or was it a prompt for the Summer of Love fic-a-thon? Where John Lennon lives, and is going to bat for Paul and Broad Street when it's panned by the critics. I know Paul wouldn't have made GMRTBS with John alive, but he would have been panned for something, and guess who would have come out in his defense? Regardless of shared credits and secret or spouse-endorsed canoodling? Jooooohhhhhnnnnn.

That's the kind of scenario that makes me happy.

I hope this is giving you something. I would love to hear your thoughts, too, @therealsaintscully!

[that-one-enby-ranger]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGER TAYLOR

It is Roger Meddows Taylor's birthday today so of course I have to make it all of yours problems and yap about it.

We've gotta start off with how talented this man is. He is the KING of drummers in my eyes and will always be. Watched a full concert today to celebrate, and I was just focusing on how fast he could move, and he wasnt always looking at the drums. And his little solo in the Montreal concert and I was staring at him and oh my gosh he can move fast. He looked tired afterwards. And his voice is amazing in its own unique way. I love it. I love listening to live songs and looking out for his baking vocals. I died everytime. My favourite song to hear live is Crazy Little Thing Called Love just because of Roger's rEaDy FreDdIe 🤠. I die every single time I hear and go insane you don't even know. His backing vocals are just *mwah* CHEF'S kiss 🤌.

And his high pitched screaming in In the Lap of the Gods is amazing. Theres a video of Roger Taylor blessing your ears for an hour and a half and it's just him screaming in that song and it really does bless your ears.

Plus he's got solo albums. And unless I'm horribly wrong, he has the most solo albums out of the entire band. I don't have a favourite album but a couple of my fav songs are The Key, Man on Fire and Strange Frontier.

He's written lots of hits and great songs including Radio Gaga, A Kind of Magic, One Vision, These are the Days of Our Lives, The Invisible Man and of course, I'm in Love With My Car.

Then there's the underrated songs that I love like Drowse, Action This Day, Ride the Wild Wind and others that I forgot and I cant be bothered to look up.

He also studied dentistry in uni. I don't know if he would have actually ended up being a dentist if he hadn't joined. But just think if he did.

THIS MAN RIGHT HERE COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR DENTIST SHOVING HIS HANDS IN YOUR MOUTH.

I just watched a video while writing this called the genius of Roger Taylor and they talked about how good he is on drums and used drum talk that even though I play drums, I haven't been playing long enough to understand, so they go into more depth on how talented he is on the drums. Its called The Genius Of Roger Taylor by Drumeo.

And you've gotta talk about his heart warming lyrics.

"With my hand on my grease gun,

Ooooo it's like a disease son."

Magical.

And what makes that even better is that sometimes during concert he would mix the lyrics around, whether on accident or purpose, I don't know, but he would say "with YOUR hand on MY grease gun." Life changing.

But seriously you wanna know some good lyrics listen to the whole of These Are The Days of Our Lives. And then try not to cry.

Moving on from talent, we gotta talk about some more amazing things about him.

He's a funny little boy. Watch some clips of him and you'll see what I mean. I don't care if you don't agree with me, I know he's a funny little boy.

"He threw my best fucking pair of maracas. Great sounding maracas, took me HOURS to steal them, and he just..." I can't write the next part without it seeming like it's a roleplay because it's a motion he makes of throwing stuff away in the air.

Anyways, it was his idea to dress up in drag for the I Want to Break Free video and that was one of his best ideas ever. Rogerina looked amazing.

What a goddess. And when I Want to Break Free got canceled in America, he would help stand up for the video and wouldnt feel ashamed that they did it and said they had a great time and it was fun.

And somewhat similarly, but more importantly, after Freddie died, and the press were being homophobic perverts and saying stuff like Freddie had it coming, or he lived a promiscuous life style, Roger (and Brian) would go on TV and stand up for Freddie and would be like "thats not true at all, you fucking pricks." That's not what they actually said. And he would then go on about how the press were massive dicks to Freddie while trying to get into his private life especially towards the end.

Hes adorable. Sweetie. My love.

"I'd like to make it.. naked 😏, and raw."

"1 and 3/7ths sugars please." "No one and 3/7ths 😠"

"I've just written this new one, WHICH IM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT"

"ITS PERFECT"

Just some quotes there.

Also, APPARENTLY, my sources are shit, I've only heard this once, has not been backed up, but I'm including it anyways, but apparently when Roger wasn't allowed to have Stone lions out the front of his house, he thought outside the box and put up hundreds of glow and the dark gnomes.

He also apparently had to legally fight his neighbour to keep his giant statue of Freddie Mercury he had in his backyard because the neighbour APPARENTLY thought that it was "rUiNinG tHe laNdScApe"

He kissed Brian when he was drunk.

He was called sex on legs.

Grew a beard because people kept mistaking him as a girl.

His eyes.

"There was lots of sex and drugs. Actually there wasn't that much sex and ... Well there wasn't much drugs"

There's also some lovely sad stories with him. Mainly the 300 yards and I don't feel like crying again so I'm not gonna write it out.

I'm gonna stop this here because my finger feels weird from having a plaster on it for three days and I wanna focus on more Roger videos that I've been watching in the background for about an hour now. I'm just gonna say he is shemxy.

And then you've got this:

Love him. Appreciate him. I'm gonna marry him one day, mark my words.

There is a lot more on him. This is all I've got. For now.

[artist-issues]

Ready set go rank your top ten TØP songs and why (purely audio)

Uh

Nothing dethrones Addict With a Pen. Because of reasons.

But then after that all of these are subject to change, change, change. Usually the first few stay pretty consistent though.

Purely audio. You mean, I just like the way they sound? That’s it? Without considering the lyrics and the meaning? I don’t know how to do that, I’ve never considered it, let me think.

2. Vignette - Because I like the one-two-punch sound of the drums, like you’re beating something up in a suspenseful action scene where you’re seconds away from losing the fight. That’s what it sounds like to me. And I love the vulture-shriek effect. And I love the contrast of the monotone-verses and then the high desperate chorus.

3. Holding Onto You - Nothing beats the tempo-changing songs. And you want to sing along to every part of this song.

4. Pet Cheetah - makes me want to run.

5. Redecorate - I love the early-2000s tone of this song, and the effects in the background put me in the mood of someone who’s sitting around in their bedroom, tapping like a pen or something blandly against a desktop, thinking in the same old ruts over and over, until the chorus hits and it’s another one of those desperation-cries.

6. Heavydirtysoul - I like Josh Dun on the drums in this song.

7. Guns For Hands - I like that I can hear Tyler’s older, not-afraid-to-be-creaky and the voiceless palato-alveolar sibilant (I looked that up!) thing he does in this song. Because I think it’s a song that recognizes weakness, like all of their songs, so he sounds kind of like a child. If you wanted to make fun of his intonation in this song you could, there’s ammunition there (I’d get foaming mad but you could) but that’s the point, that in the song he’s talking to broken kids and relating to them, so why wouldn’t he just sound how he sounds? We said “purely audio” but I can’t do it.

8. Fall Away - It sounds like how it feels to not want to fall away.

9. Lavish - I didn’t like this one so much because I couldn’t be 100% sure what it meant, and so that always bugs me, but then I saw them perform it live and now I can’t her the song without the sound of it reminding me of having so much fun in the arena with them with it. Makes me want to put on sunglasses.

10. At the Risk of Feeling Dumb - Probably my most-played song from Clancy the first week it came out (after Vignette) because the way Tyler screams reminds me of the way he screamed way back when I was but a wee teenager listening to his basement album.

[starshower1215]

Blitzen and Hearthstone Headcanons: Homeless Version (with some Magnus)

I missed them a little bit.

Since Blitzen never wanted to go too far from Magnus, he would go to a very specific store, shop, or mall that played Taylor Swift's music so he could listen. He's a demigod, so using a cellphone is a bit difficult. Thus, access to Taylor Swift's music is difficult, and he really misses hearing the albums that never play on the radio, like Folklore, Red, Evermore, etc.

Hearth has come to terms with his own disability, but sometimes, this would give him the slightest bit of sadness, because he would love to listen to whatever it is Blitzen loves so much and, perhaps, even sing it for him to comfort him.

The uncleanliness of living on the streets really messed with Hearth's head. He would be very fastidious about the things he touched and did, because getting his clothing dirty would result in a lot of anxiety. He has a very deep appreciation for any shops that have products such as Lysol wipes or hand sanitizer available to the public.

The pale color of his hair and skin does not help either, as it makes it much easier to see how filthy he is.

Blitzen's tendency to indulge in the free things in life helped pull Hearth out of his own mind, though. On the occasions when they'd be together, and not a day-mother-elf and night-father-dwarf, Blitzen would take Hearth to explore the town. They loved checking the community notice board to see what's going on, and they made sure to invite Magnus with them to the community festivals, events, all the little things. This was a small light in Magnus' life after his mom died.

Blitzen, who was isolated from his home and therefore, all his designing materials, loved to window shop. He dragged Hearth around the malls and outlets and just imagined what it would be like to style the clothes, how he would adjust them and improve them. They'd play dress-up, too, probably with Magnus, too, much to the dismay of the shopkeepers.

Blitz's games of dress-up often evolved into games of pretend and playing House, which affected Hearth emotionally sometimes. They would mess around together at the empty checkout counters, pretending to make each other dinner and chatting about how their day went, making up details about the mundane lives they could only wish for.

I had previous head canons that Hearth was already in poor health due to his lack of proper eating habits, so he probably fell ill even more in the bad sanitary conditions. This might've triggered him to feel really guilty, and Blitz would do his best to help Hearth.

This goes both ways. Anyone would get sick in unsanitary conditions, and both of them have issues with this concept of "taking up space." Blitz would feel guilty or discomforted by the fact that he's taking up more attention than necessary. It seems contradictory, since he would love more attention towards himself and his talents, but desire can clash with trauma.

Blitzen always let Hearth wear some of his clothes to sleep, as Hearth is used to a much warmer environment, being from Alfheim. It was awkward at first, since Blitz was much smaller, but Hearth eventually got used to simply wrapping his clothes around his shoulders.

With Blitzen being with Magnus at night and Hearth there during the day, they missed each other a lot.

Since Magnus never used to see them much together, he was shocked when he found out that they knew each other.

Hearth learned to read very late, since he was always busy surviving in an abusive household. But the library is a prime shelter for homeless people, so he would often spend days with Magnus, matching signs up to words. At first, they had a lot of trouble communicating, but one day, Magnus pointed at a book, then pointed to the word "book," and it went on from there.

Blitzen is very weak, I believe this is specified in the books, but I imagine at night, when it is more dangerous, Hearth lets him take his leather jacket. It makes him look broader, more tough, and it helps him scare people away despite his height in order to protect Magnus.

[bad268]

Plot Twist

Breaking News (Part 5/Final)

(Max Verstappen X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 1

Requested: Nope (I had an idea, Mr. Krabs)

Warnings: cheating mentioned, toxic parents, overall hella fluffy (HERE is a link to the full playlist if you want to hear them all in a row otherwise each individual song is linked later in the story.)

Pronouns: They/them

W.C. 1655

Chapter Summary: The much-anticipated album drop of 'Plot Twist' by Y/n L/n leads to an unexpected plot twist in the end.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

(^Came from 2 pics on Pinterest)

<- Previous Part

July 24, 2024

~

It is release day, October 16. Plot Twist dropped at midnight, and so far, it’s been received very well! Neither of my previous albums had this much attention, so it was honestly shocking seeing my name and album trending on Twitter. 

I was busy in the kitchen, eating some lunch, and avoiding looking at the feedback. I knew that I would waste the entire day reading every little critique the fans had. My publicist knew that I would try that, so they were holding my phone hostage as they worked on planning a live stream. It was a tradition at this point; day of release, I would livestream listening to every song and telling the story or answering questions between them.

I was just finishing up my food when I felt one arm around my waist as another stole one of my crisps. “Hey! That’s mine.”

“It’s one, you’ll live,” Max whispered, leaning onto my back to place a kiss on my cheek after he at the chip. “It’s not like you’ll starve.”

“I’ll tell your nutritionist that you ate a pack of crisps,” I joked. 

“It was one!” He complained, turning my head to connect our lips in a few small kisses. When we separated, he whispered, “I’ll buy you more if you’re that concerned.”

“Alright lovebirds, I need to steal the singer,” my manager interrupted the moment.

“I’ll be right over,” Max joked.

“Ha ha, Max,” my manager replied sarcastically. “Are you going to be beside them or behind the camera?”

“I’ll stay back,” he answered, already pulling a chair to sit behind the camera that was pointed at the couch. “It’s your moment.”

“Thanks, liefde (love),” I said, taking my spot on the couch. “Let me know when you start it.”

“If you’re ready, I can start it now?” My manager asked, receiving a thumbs up from me as I fixed my appearance one last time. They pointed to me, signaling that I was live, so I smiled and switched on my stage persona. 

“Hello everybody!”  I greeted, scanning through the messages flying on the screen. “It’s everyone’s favorite day; release day! I’m going to play my new album, Plot Twist, which is available now on all platforms, and answer your questions about each song. Let’s get started with the first single.”

Track 1-Ava

“Everyone knows this backstory, but something you might not know is that Max helped me with the melody on this one too,” I laughed as Max groaned in the background.

“I helped on basically every song. I should get royalties.”

“I think you’ll live, Mr. Third-Most-Paid-Sportsman-Under-25,” I mocked.

“Oh fuck off,” He laughed, moving to play the next song.

Track 2-Seven

“Again, another very popular single, “I chuckled, “Not gonna lie, was almost titled ‘Fling’ or ‘Freak Out’, but Max thought 'Seven' was more ominous.”

“I did not! Stop putting words in my mouth!”

“Denial doesn't look good on you, schat (darling).”

“I’m not in denial,” He opposed. “I just said ‘Seven’ sounded better than ‘Fling’ or ‘Freak Out’.”

Track 3-Bigger Person

“Think we all know who this is directed at,” I sighed with a look directly at the camera, “But actually, it was a combination of the breakup and my personal problems with my family, and this is one of my most vulnerable songs. I’ve been working on it for a long time, and it is one of my favorites on the album. I think I did the idea justice, and I hope some of my fans find comfort in this song.”

Track 4-Flowers

“Flowers is another very close-to-home song. I used to have a huge fear of commitment, and with my ex, the very first thing he did was introduce me to his family by saying he would marry me,” I admitted, remembering the details of the night I met the Leclercs. Now, I have no contact with Charles, but his brothers and Maman still text me every so often. Arthur actually called me to tell me how much he loved the album earlier today. I smiled at the memories before continuing. “That actually didn’t drive me away as it normally would have, so I felt safe and comfortable with him right away. Maybe that’s why I put up with everything for so long. And anytime there was a big fight between us, instead of talking it out and resolving it, he would get me red roses. It was always an apology, and I can’t look at red roses the same anymore.”

“For everyone always asks why I get them carnations, daisies, or dahlias, this is why,” Max spoke up. “I’m the man that treats you right.”

“Yes, yes you do, Maxie,” I laughed, looking over at him. “I love you. Now, next song!”

Track 5-Somebody to You (Acoustic)

“When I realized that I loved Max, I couldn’t get him off my mind at all. I knew I wanted to be someone important to him, but I didn’t want to be overbearing and make him think it was a rebound,” I explained quickly. “However, even as a kid, I knew I would be with him because we were just always close like that.”

“They came to me whenever they needed support, and same for me with them,” Max elaborated, “We were just always close like that.”

Track 6-18

“It started when I told Max that I loved him for the first time at the Austin Grand Prix last year. He responded immediately saying he loved me since we were 18 before either of us actually understood love. It all just flowed from that moment. Max was actually able to help me on some of the lyrics for this song, but I promised I wouldn’t say what verses he wrote apart from the obvious.”

“Apart from the obvious? Really?” He laughed.

“Y’know, if you’re going to be so vocal during the stream, why don’t you just come on camera?” I challenged, knowing he didn’t want to be on the stream, but he was acting too involved for someone who didn’t want to be here.

“I’m fine here, thank you. Onto the next one.”

Track 7-That Part

“This is our story in a song,” I sighed as I made eye contact with Max, him winking at me, causing me to smile and drop my head. “ I jokingly told my friends and family that I would date Max at some point when we were like 8, so the end was kind of a ‘haha told you so’ to everyone who said I was lying. It was actually a surprise to Max, and he didn’t know I was writing this. When I played this for him the first time, he cried, but he loved it. I hear him singing it every so often, sometimes it’s in English and sometimes in Dutch, but either way, it makes me happy that he loves it. It means I did our love story justice.”

Track 8-Eternally Yours

“Max and I wrote this together. We wanted a song for our wedding, so we poured everything we had into this song. I also pulled in my friends, Chris and Ricky, to write with us. Chris and Ricky are masterminds when it comes to writing beautiful melodies with strong meanings, so I knew they would be the perfect people to collaborate with. If you know their band, you’d know that their more heartfelt songs like Fatal and Sinematic were written by these two,” I said, going onto a short tangent about my friends and co-writers. Then I remembered that many of my listeners don’t listen to them so I said, “Shameless plug here, check out their band, Motionless in White if Eternally Yours is your favorite from the album! They’ve got new music coming soon, but you didn’t hear that from me. They’re actually covering this on that album but with a metal twist.”

As soon as I saw the chat explode, I knew I messed up somewhere. I looked at the messages and found one that said, “WEDDING?!” I knew I just outed that we were engaged by accident. “Well, cat’s out of the bag everyone. Max proposed when he heard ‘That Part’ for the first time.”

My manager let out a loud laugh as they read one of the comments. I looked at them skeptically, so they said, “Chat wants Max to reenact his proposal.”

“Say less,” Max joked to himself as he walked from the other side of the camera to kneel in front of me.

“What are you doing? I thought you didn’t want to be on camera,” I laughed, moving my hands to mess with his hair. He started shaking his head to get my hands away from the strands as he pulled out a box. 

“I planned this to be a little more romantic than you jokingly messing up my hair,” He chuckled, using his other hand to fix it. “Can’t really back out now with hundreds of thousands of fans watching, now can I?” He reached out to grab my left hand as my free hand to hide my red face. “I think there’s only one thing left to say, wil je mij voor eeuwig de jouwe laten zijn (Well you let me be eternally yours)?”

“Altijd schat (Always darling),” I whispered as I pulled him in for a kiss as he pulled the ring out to place it onto my left ring finger. “That was pretty close to the first time.”

“Minus you messing with my hair, and you cried a lot more the first time,” He chuckled, sitting next to me for the end of the stream.

“At least now I can wear my ring in public,” I said before leaning in to kiss him one last time. I pulled away as my manager announced their presence again, causing us both to laugh. “Ok guys, that’s the stream. We will see you at the next album stream! Bye!”

~

October 16, 2024

~~~

Fin <3 (unless y’all got ideas for more. I’m open)

~~~~~

© BAD268 2023. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[chiarrara]

the authentic 2011 indie kid playlist

"real 2011 pandora radio recreation: the songs that always played on my hypercurated matt and kim radio, is this it radio, and pumped up kicks radio a.k.a. the authentic 2009-2012 indie kid playlist (ft. my actual authentic 2011 facebook profile pic)"

including full liner notes (typed out below the cut for readability):

- for @justrustandstardust <3

Daylight - Matt and Kim: one of the most iconic songs of my teenage years. I feel like me and Michael based our life off this song. Matt and Kim is one of the bases for the radio stations I picked for this playlist (the ones I listened to constantly). There will be more Matt and Kim on this playlist, but not enough. You really should listen to this whole album (this will not be the last time I say this)

Kids - MGMT: everyone knows electric feel. I picked the underrated classics I was obsessed with after I loved electric feel

Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros: a staple. so silly, but so iconic

Midnight City - M83: the first of the songs that I only listened to on Pandora & never learned the names/artists. also, became car commercial songs. banger

Is This It - The Strokes: you simply must listen to this album. half of it is on the playlist, but still you must. This album is the second base of a radio station.

Automatic Stop - The Strokes: listen, there's gonna be a lot of Strokes on this playlist. I fell in love with them listening to this radio station.

Rawnald Gregory Erickson the Second - STRFKR: the second of the Pandora exclusives. why is it named that? so iconin

Float On - Modest Mouse: as classic as classics get

Hard to Explain - The Strokes: I found this album at the library and picked it up based on the album art alone. this was back when I got all my music from the library & burned cds onto my computer to make mix cds, listen in windows media player, or upload to my ipod nano

Flourescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys: we're in the pre "AM" era! their back catalog is so fucking good, and this is one of the best examples of that. I love this song

Soma - The Strokes: it's gonna be a lot of Strokes. trust me, it's authentic to the experience

Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand: ICONIC BANGER.

Breezeblocks - alt-J: (so groovy) another Pandora exclusive. mainstay on the channel. like these songs would play every 30 mins & I loved it

Song For No One - Miike Snow: ah! Miike Snow my beloved! never listened outside of Pandora for some reason but SO iconic. they were so popular

Loud Pipes - Ratatat: the beat just gets into your body with these ones

Shut Up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings: Icons! defined the era. watch the music video.

1901 - Phoenix: we played this and the next Phoenix song so. fucking. much. goin hey hey hey hey hey hey hey!

40 Day Dream - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros: when you thought of indie, this is what you thought of

Skinny Love - Bon Iver: jk jk this is what you thought of. This was hipster before it got picked up by Hot Topic

Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare - Matt and Kim: full volume, windows down, 100 mph screaming <3 (I love this song sm)

Intro - The xx: another Pandora exclusive car commercial song but listen, I was obsessed. hearing these songs again is like waking up dormant genes

Lisztomainia - Phoenix: this song and 1901 are a bonded pair. do not separate.

Lessons Learned - Matt and Kim: it was so impossible to pick from this album it's all so good. let it turn your love into a coming of age movie

Sleeping Lessons - The Shins: The SHINS bro THE SHINS. every indie movie had the Shins on their soundtrack. They're so good.

Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye: listen I didn't want to pick their most popular song but it's so definitive I had to. I saw them live like 4 times. This album is so important to me. All my love songs for my 13 yr old relationship came from this album

Crystalised - The xx: not a listening session would go by that I wouldn't hear this song

All My Friends - LCD Sound System: he's so good

Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend: THIS ALBUM IS SUMMER 2011. it was one of 2 or 3 go to CDs in my first car. I listened to it over and over and over again. it always brings me back to my ugly brown 2001 Chevy Malibu outside Michael's house, or driving down to the lake. I seriously couldn't pick songs from this album it's all one big song to me. formative. what else can i say.

Time to Pretend - MGMT: I'm feeling rough I'm feeling wrong in the time of my life. underrated classic

Cough Syrup - Young the Giant: a late addition but I know every word

Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear: THE Pandora radio song. I would listen just to hear this song eventually

We Used to Vacation - Cold War Kids: One of my favorite bands ever. Their first two albums were on repeat. This song is my favorite. It just rips something out of me

Rhinemaidens - The Envy Corps: The Envy Corps have made their entrance! I've seen them more than Hellogoodbye. The epitomal hipsters. and some of the best music of all time. They're absolutely foundational. (listen to the album!)

Pumped Up Kicks - Foster the People: The third and final base for a radio station is this song. That's how much I listened to it. One of those songs that just got into my bones. Forever favorite song it never gets old. also, listen to the album. so good

Animal - Miike Snow: the Miike Snow song. One of the first songs I ever discovered on Pandora <3

Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John: iconic. I don't know what to say

The High Road - Broken Bells: Michael was on the hs radio station senior year & he played this whole EP straight one day

Call It What You Want - Foster the People: BANGER ("what's your style and who do you listen to" WHO CARES <3)

Walking On A Dream - Empire Of The Sun: I did not know the name of this song or the band or even recognize the cover art but I know this song. They put them in car commercials because they're good

What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club: this and the other two door cinema club song came up all the time. bops.

A-Punk - Vampire Weekend: (ay! ay! ay! ay!) most iconic riff of all time! can't understand a damn word but I was screaming them anyway (100mph)

Rill Rill - Sleigh Bells: (Pandora Exclusive!) iconic! can't help but groove to this song. the mood of this song is so representative of this lane of music

Something Good Can Work - Two Door Cinema Club: the opening to this song gets me so hype! I know you'll like this song

Dragon Queen - Yeah Yeah Yeahs: you know Heads Will Roll but did you know this underrated banger? they're awesome, their other songs should get more attention

Don't Slow Down - Matt and Kim: 100mph dancing like a maniac lol look I should not have been allowed behind the wheel of a car. Don't slow down (listen to the album!)

All I Want - LCD Sound System: he's just really good idk

That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings: we were obsessed with them. this song was everywhere

Story Problem - The Envy Corps: for the longest time I didn't know any names to Envy Corps songs because I mostly listened to them live, on a mix cd, or someone else was playing them. so i always got surprised by each song like, oh! I love this one! to be honest I still don't know the titles lol but every song is so damn iconic. at the concerts they would split the audience in half and have half of us do the "dada dada dadada da da da" part and the other half do the "oooooh wa oh wa oh" so you were singing your part throught the end of the song while they played. it was so magical <3

All Time Lows - Hellogoodbye: underrated banger. this album is like the definitive electronic indie sound of the mid-aughts

Somebody Told Me - The Killers: incredible song, incredible band. mainstay. they're so much more than Mr. Brightside

(starting the list over bc of tumblr's character limits. add 50)

Reptilia - The Strokes

Someday - The Strokes

Under Cover of Darkness - The Strokes: listen, this is accurate to how often they would play on that station. just Strokes back to back. and I loved it. their discography is just that deep. they don't miss.

Fell In Love With a Girl - The White Stripes: had to get some Whte Stripes in here. had to.

New Slang - The Shins: this song and Caring Is Creepy just, so iconic. they're so good

The World At Large - Modest Mouse: gonna float on maybe would you understand. ah ah ah ah ah ah aah (dashboard by modest mouse should also be on here but i couldn't find a spot for it :( played all the time) my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth <3<3<3

Black Balloon - The Kills: does anyone remember the kills? I wanted to be them so bad. this was the era of iconic indie duos (ting tings, matt & kim, white stripes, she & him...)

When Did Your Heart Go Missing - Rooney: one hit wonders, my beloved

I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You - Black Kids: I'm convinced no one listened to this song but us. that's not true, and thank god cuase it's such a bop but we felt like we were in on a secret or something. the true 2010 hipster experience lol

Kid Gloves - The Envy Corps: I would literally put this song on a t work and walk around like I was a manic pixie dream girl in an indie movie. unironically amazing song tho (listen to the ep)

Henrietta - The Fratellis: there should have been four more of their songs on here. broke my heart to cut them

Phantom Limb - The Shins: I don't think I've said listen to the album on this one yet. the way this song just vibrates in you

Naive - The Kooks: another underrepresented band. She Moves In Her Own Way, Ooh La, Seaside!? all staples. I mean... if you need another album to listen to... im just sayin

Finer Feelings - Spoon: a bop. fun song <3

Mardy Bum - Arctic Monkeys: this was my first Arctic Monkeys song <3<3<3 forever. the coda is everything. god I love this song

Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine: listen, the original song by The Postal Service is so so so good and we listened to it just as much as this cover. this cover had us in a chokehold. go listen to the original tho. and the whole Postal Service album I promise it's so fundamental

Janglin - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros: the last of the three iconic ES&TMZs songs. This is like the progenitor of Stomp Clap corporate indie. everyone wanted to be them

Tighten Up - The Black Keys: the opening base notes on this song make me go feral. there should be way more Black Keys on here but if you have to pick one this is an easy choice.

Last Nite - The Strokes: the most iconic Strokes song. try not to scraem the first words. you can't. Last Night!

Australia - The Shins: time to put ear covers on! just makes me smile :)

All These Things That I've Done - The Killers: got us screaming "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" (are we human or are we dancers is also the killers. icons of the era)

Two Weeks In Hawaii - Hellogoodbye: I felt so bad when your mom caught us eating ice cream in your room at three in the morning. the best parts of my adolescence consolidated in this incredible song. the first of this type of album closing song to deeply affect me (followed by only in dreams by weezer in college). coming back to this album was part of me coming out of my depression last summer. my inner child just lives here, and I love her so much <3

A Certain Romance - Artctic Monkeys: I don't know, this song just gives me warm feelings. I know every shape of this song. I'm pretty sure it's about how America is a cultural wasteland lol. over there there's friends of mine, what can I say I've known em for a long long time, and it might over step the line, but you just cannot get angry in the same way, no not in the same way.

Daylight Outro (Remix) - Matt and Kim: back where we started. thx for listening <3