#I also hate the 'down with cis' crap too

[loversfms]

[ … ] ❀ you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed maeve finnegan walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who she is ? they kind of look like maia mitchell and i could be wrong but i think that they might be twenty-eight years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last twelve years. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at lomax auto-repairs as a mechanic. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the the broken bird of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty blunt at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty confident to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that two bedroom apartment beside me over in sunny shores. i better leave you to it. it was nice meeting you!

STATS:

full name : maeve finnegan nickname(s) : mae ( but only if she really likes you ) birthplace : portstewart, northern ireland date of birth : 05 / 07 / 1996 parentage : john finnegan & aofie finnegan ( estranged ) sibling(s) : kai finnegan relationship status : single gender identity : cis woman ( she/her ) sexual orientation : bisexual faceclaim : maia mitchell

BACKGROUND: ( teen pregnancy, cheating )

aofie and john are just sixteen when they find out aofie is pregnant. it's already terrifying, and it becomes even more so when the topic of twins hits the table. still, they believe that love conquers all. they cared so deeply for each other, how could that love and care not only multiply with more additions to the family?

once the twins are born, it's clear as day that maeve is a carbon copy as aofie.

"YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM !" it's a good thing, when you're a toddler picking up your mother's mannerisms. it's cute, even, the way you both put your hands on your hips as you watch the television from afar.

when she's six, she takes a liking to the piano. however, in true sister fashion, she decides to drop her focus on it as soon as she realizes her brother also seems to like making music. he's much better at it, anyway. he can do the writing and composing, she'd only been very good at reading and playing.

"YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM !" it's a good thing, when you're learning to cook alongside your mom. the two of you spend the evenings prepping meals, and you're thrilled to help present them to your family.

maeve had always liked building things. playing with legos growing up, putting puzzles together... she liked having something to do with her hands. making something out of nothing. she liked keeping busy, and felt a great sense of pride any time she completed / built something all on her own.

"YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM !" it's a good thing, until it's not. aofie had been stepping out-- this family life hadn't been as fulfilling as sixteen year old her thought it'd be. now, it's just john and the twins, and all these endearing traits had lost their charm.

she sees it, the way her brother and father struggle to make eye contact with her. how they can hardly stand to be in the same room as her. it unlocks a certain rage within her-- one she didn't know she was capable of.

still, even though she was angry, she felt she had to take over. they were missing a maternal figure, and at fourteen years old, maeve stepped up. making meals for the three of them, keeping up with the family agenda, doing the grocery shopping, writing everything down for everyone... she could take the good parts of aofie and make them work.

a year after her family life implodes, the remaining finnegans are off to palmview. there's promise of a new life -- a blank slate, of sorts. however, could the slate truly be blank if the ghost you were trying to avoid was haunting your face and mannerisms?

a once loud and lively girl has now become a hollow shell of herself. the good thing about the move was it had brought her and her brother closer than they had been previously. they had no one but each other. their class schedules had been different, but they always made time to give each other a nod in the hallway or sit together for lunch.

one thing she really liked about her new school was their wood and metal shop programs. she took every trade class she could. it was nice to keep busy and to see the results of her hard work. with a lack of friends, each one of her creations ended up in her brother's room once they had been graded. what could he possibly need a birdhouse for? who knows, but it's his problem now.

it had been easy to keep to herself. she would simply shoot down any attempt at social interaction. she hated working with others, too embarrassed to try and water her accent down for those around her to understand. it was just easier to be nobody.

well, it was, until the rumors began circulating about her brother. one-sided, nasty rumors about him and his friend. a relationship she'd witnessed with her own eyes, whether the other party was aware of it or not. between their social and familial fallout, it was beginning to feel like carrying the name FINNEGAN was a curse.

suddenly, the two who had been so good at hiding themselves away found themselves in the social spotlight. her brother, for the rumors circulating, and maeve, for cussing out & attempting to fight anyone who dare whisper his name in her presence. it doesn't take long for her to get hit with a suspension.

john finnegan is frustrated, says he doesn't recognize the kids in front of him. maeve can barely stand to hear him speak, angry at him, at aofie, at everyone. still, the three had come to an agreement that the twins would lay low for the rest of school. it had been their original plan anyway. and it's one she plans on sticking to... only after she slashes a set of tires in defense of her brother.

she graduates, plans to get the hell out of palmview, but plans fall through. she's stuck and has no backup plan. luckily for her, there's an auto repair shop with a very kind employee, willing to teach her more than the basics of fixing a car. she'd learned the basics years ago, and she begins working as his apprentice. it doesn't take her long to go from apprentice to full-time employee. it fulfills her need to fix, but not completely

she makes furniture on the side, selling it at farmer's markets, craft fairs, different markets in general... there's just nothing better than the feeling of watching your work walk away with a happy customer

PERSONALITY:

she still struggles to make friends to this day, but she's got a few of them. she's fiercely loyal to those she cares about, and is always offering to slash a set of tires... ( it was just such a rush! )

doesn't know how to think before she speaks, and even if she did, everything is always written clear as day on her face

swears like a sailor sorry it's not her shes just irish :/

very caring and very much a mom friend but don't say that in front of her i fear she may kill you...... her way of showing love is acts of service okay!!!!!!!

©

[emmersreads]

My Top 5 Best Books of 2023

Scrolling through bookstagram's endless reels of folks bemoaning the state of readerly types - new publications are disposable crap, everyone else is reading too much, etc - it might seem like 2023 was a terrible year for books. But, of all my longlists, this one was the longest, and the one I had the most trouble cutting down to only six. I read 119 books in 2023 (you can read my round-up of my five worst here), and here are my five favourites. Every single one of these books deserves to top your tbr for 2024.

Read the post on my blog!

Honourable Mention: Yellowface - R. F. Kuang

R.F. Kuang has figured out how to use irony and its a good look on her. Kuang’s political messaging is great — I particularly enjoyed her depiction of the publishing industry’s white fragility as deeply stupid — but we already knew that. I would expect nothing less from the author of Babel. The think that elevates Yellowface in particular is Kuang’s self-awareness in depicting Athena, the Asian writer whose novel the protagonist steals, as a talented literary wunderkind, but also as frustrating and not necessarily innocent in the problem of who is allow to tell ethically-loaded stories. I’m definitely looking forwards to her next project.

Fifth Place: Small Worlds - Caleb Azumah Nelson

This is the diverse romance novel you’ve been looking for. This is the inspiring hopepunk novel you’ve been looking for. This is the insightful and emotional coming-of-age novel you’ve been looking for. Small Worlds is all the more comforting and heart-warming because it is primarily about persistence and joy in the face of crushing personal failure and devastating systemic violence. Caleb Azumh Nelson’s motif of relationships in which both partners must break up in order to become the kind of people who can be in a long-term relationship with each other is a kind of romance arc I unexpectedly love. This entry in particular gets extra credit for its incredibly good audiobook adaptation. The audiobook is narrated by the author, whose southeast London accent and obvious emotional connection to novel make it the ideal way to read.

Fourth Place: Breasts and Eggs - Mieko Kawakami

After a couple of truly miserable memoirs this year I declared that I simply did not want to hear writers talk about motherhood. I spoke too soon because then I read this. Breasts and Eggs is in incredible reflection on being a woman that has something to offer if you love being a woman, if you hate it, or if you feel ambivalent about it. I don’t like children and can’t imagine ever wanting one — to the point that I find the endless angsting about the conflict between writing and motherhood faintly nauseating — but I found that this was the first book about being a mother that had something interesting to say even for people who never want to be mothers. Kawakami’s novel-in-translation has (for the anglophone reader) a sense of strangeness both in form and content. The book’s approach to gender and family is often intimately familiar, but just as often introduces a perspective that is deeply strange to a western reader, provoking us to think about our own assumptions about the importance of family. I particularly liked the scene in which protagonist Natsu visits a bath house and encounters a woman in a relationship with a trans man in the female section of the bath. Natsu struggles through a long thought process of whether she ought to be offended or not. Would she be similarly offended if she encountered cis lesbian PDA?

Third Place: Penance - Eliza Clark

For me, Penance was intensely personal, like looking back on my own teenagerhood. I also grew up as a deeply strange child, something that was immediately recognized by the other children. That feeling of somehow being a different species from other kids, not doing anything right and not understanding how it is wrong, is something that this novel absolutely nails. That might be a strange association for a true crime story about a horrible schoolgirl murder. This is the dramatic extension of what could happen to five people who were once very lonely little girls, and I think reading too much into the ‘how could they do something like this?’ of it all is missing the forest for the trees and playing into the true crime gaze that the book criticizes. Clark is interested both in true crime that dehumanizes its subject matter, and true crime the aspires to humanize and platform them. Is it any more ethical to demand access to someone’s life out of love?

Second Place: He Who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker-Chan

Shelley Parker-Chan’s The Radiant Emperor duology is the best queer fantasy series out there. Period. He Who Drowned the World takes its engagement with gender and sexuality to another level. At least for me, there is something much more meaningful and impactful to the theme of gender as something performed in spite of difficulties, distrust, and lack of acknowledgement. Parker-Chan understands that gender is often unpleasant or even hateful. This isn’t a book for a brave new utopia where every bra fits on the first try, it’s for the present, where the wrong bra gives you a fibrous lump. If She Who Became the Sun was Zhu embracing her gender, the sequel is about Ouyang’s often deeply upsetting ability to accept his. His hatred of any femininity, first and foremost his own, isn’t an easy read, but I found there was something incredibly resonant in it to my own ambivalent feelings towards femininity. No one else depicts self-hatred this well.

First Place: Chain-Gang All-Stars - Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

As soon as I finished Chain-Gang All-Stars I knew it would be my book of the year. I read a lot of great books but this blew every single one of them out the water. It is Gladiator by way of The Shawshank Redemption by way of professional wrestling. It’s the scifi sequel to The New Jim Crow and Ava DuVernay’s 13th. It’s the best love story of the year. Chain-Gang All-Stars is an exploration of the humanity of inmates, who, in this world, are objectified both due to their involvement in the criminal justice system (as in ours) and from the gaze of sports and reality entertainment. It’s hard to decide which aspect of this book is most technically impressive. I usually don’t like when a political novel tries to comment on too many different issues, but this book deftly balances deep and effective discussions on a huge range of topics. I especially appreciated its engagement with an inmates’ personal feelings of guilt and culpability within a carceral system that doesn’t care at all about remediating the harm they have caused. This deft political messaging is combined with an insightful depiction of the ambivalent success of professional athletes, multidimensional characters, and a touching romance. My favourite part of the book was how effectively it traps the reader. I understand and agree with all the condemnations of the exploitation inherent to entertainment in watching primarily BIPOC athletes destroy their health (this is about wrestling but also boxing and American football), but I still found myself thinking about just how incredible this book would be as a TV series. The use of complicity as a theme is unparalleled.

[runthepockets]

Tbh I'm really tired of battle of the sexes wars. Like, if it isn't cis men and women arguing over who has it harder, it's trans men and women doing the same shit. It's article after article of (rightfully) angry women talking about swearing off dating and sex forever due to dudes being so perverted and invasive, and the worst men you've ever met having their voices amplified in retaliation, both further alienating the women whose approval and affection we so desperately crave and making it harder for other men to talk about legitimate anxieties and struggles we have navigating the world. I hate that articles about high suicide rates and high rates of isolation and depression in men has brought out women who say things like "oh wah wah men's feewings I cannot BELIEVE I have to take RESPONSIBILITY for this CRAP again men are lonely cus they SUCK MEN'S FAILURES are the reason they're miserable", even when none of the studies are implicitly or explicitly blaming women for this problem (and even if they were, there's gotta be a way to deescelate / point out the entitlement of these accusations without victim blaming).

I hate that I end up dating and befriending a lot of feminist women who routinely encourage men to be vulnerable, and then my vulnerability immediately triggers an argument or a shitty dissmissive attitude or me being accused of manipulation, and I hate that those same women having (understandable) biases against men have gotten me up in arms reacting in pretty similar ways. I hate the way men talk about women's bodies when women aren't around. I hate the way women talk about male sexuality when there are no men around. It all feels awful. And I hate that voicing this to queer friends hasn't really gotten me anything but "lol thank god I'm not straight" or something of that nature. I hate how straight relationships have the potential to be just as beautiful and vindicating and empowering as any other human relationship but we're all barred by socioeconomic factors and poor / vastly differing communication skills.

This is why I got so into Men's Liberation two years ago. It gives me a space to vent my feelings and greivances as a straight guy without feeling like a total jerkoff while also being sympathetic to feminist ideals and views. It's very grounding. I can practice run and analyze my greivances after properly grieving in a safe and educated space, then I can approach the women in my life without the cotton between my ears and my defenses lowered instead of immediately shutting down at the first sign of discomfort. It's why I'm so loud about a lot of these issues; I believe everything is connected, and if men and women's lives and experiences and socioeconomic statuses are so deeply intertwined with each other under cishet capitalist white supremacist patriarchy, they need to be intertwined in the process of abolishing it, too. But I can't do that with my trauma and anger dictating my politics, nor can the women that find themselves in my sphere. It's also part of why I stopped hanging out in woman dominated spheres as often; while I'm not going to deny women their right to vent, the anti-male sentiment was debilitating, and I deserve a life free of any more neurosis around my manhood than I already may have (there was also nothing there for me anymore anyway, being a straight dude and all).

I think this is another thing I like about being straight; as nice as it I'm sure it is to never have to worry about these seemingly trivial aspects of "straight culture", and as much as I support gay people having spaces to feel at home in their own skin and to vent about their oppressors, it also seems like it sometimes blinds you to the fact that the "opposite gender" isn't really going anywhere (or that the opposite gender even exists, generally) and gay seperatism isn't a realistic or helpful solution, even for other gay and trans people.

[kiindr]

Hey I wanted to just kinda share my success story here because I think it's important for people to hear

Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, self harm, eating disorder, being young, mild sexual harassment, anti-depressants, anxiety meds, and sedatives, toxic relationships ('romantic' but it was petty and short, so I'd say mostly friendships), and talking about therapy and mental hospitals.

- Just turned 15 recently (Present)

*FIRST YEAR*

- Was 11, in 6th grade, when covid hit hard

- Sister has mild disability in her legs so my family was extremely extremely cautious to not catch the 19 because viruses trigger it

- At this time my thoughts were as follows:

"Emotions make me weak"

"Crying is a sign that I'm not strong and confident"

"If I can just get rid of these god damn emotions I can manipulate and gaslight my way through life and be successful"

- I was so desperate for attention I would seek out negative attention. And not sexual negative attention or doing weird stuff... I mean I would sit in gaming chat rooms and tell people to insult me for hours.

- I didn't know crap about mental health at the time

*SECOND YEAR*

7th grade. 13. My lowest. God, so fucking low.

- Still desperately sought out negative attention. I was the weird girl and the pick-me girl in one. I was convinced that if I just brushed off every insult and wrongdoing to me, I'd be "chill" and "fun"

- Hang out with people that used me as entertainment when they were bored, yelling at me and degrading me and insulting me and the worst part is that I LIKED it because I was just so damn lonely

- Started dating some boy. He was 12 I was 13. We never really talked to each other. We were making out before he ever said he wanted to be my boyfriend.

- Soon he was pushy, and disgusting. He would dry hump me, rut against me, spit into my mouth, squeeze my throat...

- And I never said no. Because I was so scared of losing what I had convinced myself was someone who actually loved me.

- But when I tried to 'lightheartedly' protest, or struggle or try to get out of his grip, he would grab me and pin me down and no matter how much I tried to escape he would just force me not to move and he didn't ever actually penetrate me but dear lord that horny ass 12 year old boy had boners more often than not. I didn't tell anyone bc I was scared that they'd be mad that I didn't tell them sooner.

- Also went through a huge identity crisis. It wasn't because I was trans, it was because I wasn't allowing myself to be me so I didn't feel like ME and so I turned to the easy thing. At one point I was "Demiaro pan genderfluid trigender"... I'm just a cis lesbian though.

- My thoughts at this time are as follows:

"Oh."

"I don't care."

"Eh"

"It is what it is"

"I want to sleep"

"I wish I was sleeping right now"

"I can't be here, I have to go"

*SECOND PART OF SECOND YEAR, WORST TIME OF MY LIFE*

- I hate my body. I dont eat all day long. I don't eat lunch at school and told my friends I prefer to eat at home and at home told them the opposite.

- I can't take it one day and I cut myself with a dull old xacto knife.

-It's addictive. I've been punching myself for ages, but cutting is completely different. It made me feel like everything would be okay... for a few seconds... and then I'd look down and all there would be is blood and a rusty blade and a mark that will never be erased.

- I begin to feel suicidal. I think about how much easier it would be to just not exist. I sleep 24/7 so I dont have to be conscious

- I begin to throw up all my food to try to be skinnier

- I progress, I'm fantasizing about killing myself and I'm writing out 3rd person blurbs of me doing it. I drew it too. It was all that consumed my thoughts. It wasn't long until I couldnt trust myself at all to be alone for a minute.

- Living is just so hard. I couldn't describe it then, and I can't describe it now. There are simply no words that will begin to encompass the sheer delusional, wrenching, miserable agony of what that low low feels like. I am positively amazed at 13 year old me for every day she woke up and lived.

- Im missing 1-2 days of school every week. My grades drop, hard

- We try a new anxiety med with my therapist that is known to potentially cause suicidal thoughts. I see it as my chance

- In a month my parents are checking in with me, making sure I don't feel suicidal

- I kindly inform them that I, in fact, am. Very.

- I sleep in their bed at night. I silently get in and we turn the lights out and we all silently cry ourselves to sleep every night.

- I come foward about everything

- We switch meds, I'm getting treated for not OCD but now depression and the likes

- The biggest thing in my life was recovering. Every day I worked SO fucking hard to recover. Every time I opened my eyes in the morning, or put on clean clothes or went to school or took a shower or said hello to someone or finished my homework or ate something was a MASSIVE battle. It was so tiring. I was SO tired.

*THIRD YEAR*

- Over the summer, I'm able to continue to work on myself without worrying about school, it helps a ton.

-Come the school year I'm 6 months free of self harm, no longer suicidal, and eating healthy and balanced meals. I'm into fitness, as running became my coping mechanism for self harm urges (Because running is horrible 💀). I'm going to school almost all days and I'm dropping friends that were bad for me and open myself to new friends.

- It's still hard, I still struggle with my OCD and severe social anxiety, but the depression is so so much better.

- My birthday comes. I'm turning 14. It was so amazing... I was excited for it.

I was EXCITED FOR IT.

I CARED.

I was excited to see my family and I was excited to have a yummy dinner and I was excited to open Presents! I didn't feel like a burden or like gifts for me was a waste of money and my party a waste of time.

This happens at Christmas too. It's so hopeful for me.

- I dunk back into depression towards the end of the school year but resurface a few weeks into summer even better

- We take month long vacation where me and my lil sis have full access to the city and everything while my parents work in our camper. This was so impactful on my social anxiety. I was empowered by my independence.

*NOW*

- I've learned to set boundaries

- I have a healthy friend group with wonderful communication

- I feel HAPPY at least once every day (!) and I let myself cry and it feels so good to let it out and I let myself be sad or angry or dissapointed

- Im not afraid to ask for what I need (Okay well I'm afraid but I've learned to cope with that fear and do it anyway). People like me BETTER when I just ASK for water when I'm thirsty, or I just ask if I'm allowed to use their TV, or I just ask for some milk because Asian food is too powerful for me (😔).

- I have learned how to NOT give advice and just listen. I can hear someone's problems and not want to fix them.

- I have learned what I can and cannot control

So, in summary, I was just in the PITS and I am in awe of myself for my recovery but I am BETTER now. I feel GOOD.

The biggest piece of advice I have to anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts is to think about how PROUD future you will be of you for every day you hold on. Future you will try to give you hugs and comfort and they cant... not until you reach them. Future you is watching from above and sees your path to recovery but in the thick of it you can't see it. Future you is counting on you. Don't let them down. Just, hold on. They deserve a chance right?

(I'm sure this is littered with typos so I'm sorry about that, I don't have the energy to check right now, it's kinda late and I have to get up early)

♡

i love this!

i am so proud of you!

<3

[katy-books]

Statement about J K Rowling aka I'm having a meltdown aka WTF

I just ate a large amount of chocolate cake, I feel like my head is in a vice and I can't find any paracetamol.

I can't reasonably be on social media any longer without making it very clear that I think J K Rowling is off her rocker, a few pennies short of a pound, gone off the deep end, absolutely crackers.

Trans women are women. I always stated that when prompted, while internally struggling due to lack of personal understanding. I was born female and I feel female. I fit my body very well and I always found it difficult to imagine a state of being so, so far removed from my own (please keep reading I promise I'm not a bigot). Though I also felt deeply sorry for anyone trapped in a body they feel is just wrong, because I knew it must be terrifying, I couldn't shake the discomfort for many years. These days I'm a lot better at internal acceptance and I'm glad to say it now matches my external acceptance. I have J K Rowling to thank for that.

In 2020, when she fully outed her prejudice, I was confronted with the dark side of discomfort. Her extreme views gave me an insight into where I might be headed, and it was one hell of a wake up call. I was so disgusted that I systematically went through my Harry Potter collection, hundreds of things, books, posters, figurines, clothes, toys, souvenirs and a multitude of other things. I had spent 2004 to 2020 consumed by my adoration of a series which made me comfortable with reading and sparked my passion for writing. I was a proud Hufflepuff and I idolised the author who poured millions into charities. And overnight it all felt icky. The blind adoration was gone. I separated about 60% of it to sell and packed away the remaining 40%, thinking with naive hope "maybe one day she'll realise she's wrong". Yes, I said sell. I'm broke and I hate destroying things so the plan was/is to sell it to kids who can still enjoy the story without the toxic crap that comes with it. What they do with it later is none of my business. I lost my hoarder Grandma to cancer that year so the Harry Potter stuff got put with her stuff for car boot sales.

I tried to move on but I became frightened of loving new books. Suddenly, the only books I could enjoy buying were ones written by authors who were dead. Antiques written before queer rights was even in the public consciousness, when being a good person meant not being a racist psycho, not being cruel to poor people and being nice to your marital partner. Damn, it was a lot easier back then and somehow people still managed to be arseholes.

I found the paracetamol, so hopefully the headache will soon be gone.

It's been a difficult few years. Family issues mostly. But also depression. The stress is literally making my usually thick, luscious hair become thinner. I think it might even have stopped growing, and my eyelashes that were once so naturally long that complete strangers would comment on them in casual conversation now look normal, even short. I could really use a comforting obsession right now. For 16 years I used the Harry Potter series as a crutch and I'm really feeling its absence. More than that, it's the reason I am who I am today. I define myself as a booknerd, but would that be true if I'd never picked up my brother's copy of The Philosopher's Stone? I struggled with reading before that. Would I have given up on books if I hadn't found that series? Would I have ever written a story? I hate myself. My personality feels tainted, and I feel guilty for being so affected by this when her opinions are not a threat to me or anyone I know personally.

The paracetamol isn't working, so I'm going to have a lay down in the dark.

Okay, that was about 20% helpful.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the boxer. The cis female boxer who was called a man by J K Rowling because she won a boxing match. It was awful that J K Rowling was attacking trans women but now cis women too? I found myself asking "what does she actually believe in?" If it's not good enough to transition from male to female, and it's not good enough to be born female then what is good enough? Where's the line? Who counts as a 'real woman' to her? I lost a little more hope and went through my collection again. There is now probably less than 20% left of the original collection. Letting go is hard.

Today I found out about the cis female footballer who won the BBC award. What J K Rowling tweeted about her is so disgusting I won't even repeat it here. This is nuts. The once beloved author has gone from being known for books and charity work to being known for engaging in a dangerous anti-trans narrative, and now straight up toxic femininity. My sanity is hanging on by a thread.

For the record, it's not lost on me that both of these women are black. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence, or if racism just falls into toxic femininity. Only time will tell I suppose if J K Rowling is adding another type of prejudice to the list.

And I don't want to hear the hormone bullshit. The NBA doesn't have a height limit, and what's the fucking difference? Why is one natural advantage okay and another isn't? If it bothers the sporting world that much then maybe invent hormone classes the way boxing has weight classes. Otherwise grow the fuck up. I'm shite at sports, but I'm not throwing a hissy fit about other people being better than me like a fucking five year old.

And while we're on the subject of obvious stupidity. I'd like to address a question to all those who want to 'protect female-only spaces' like DV and SA group counselling - are you under the impression that trans people are never victims of DV and SA? Of course they are. Imagine how unbearably lonely it must be to suffer such horrific things and not know where to go for support, because the support group they seek might not welcome trans women. Are you completely oblivious to that struggle? Or does your sense of empathy simply not stretch that far?

I don't know how to finish this off. I know it was a mess. I'm not drunk by the way, in case anyone was wondering. I actually can't drink anymore. My body recently reminded me I have epilepsy. 8 hours in A&E to have my eyebrow glued back together, and a week looking like I'd been coloured in with sharpie. I'm mentally exhausted and I probably won't be approaching this subject again.

I hope trans people will feel comfortable visiting my account to see my other posts, but I understand if that's not the case.

*edit*

Will people please stop calling her a Nazi? I know we hate her but it's a lazy 'argument', it completely misses the point and takes away from the horror of former and current Nazis. Let's keep that name for the actual Nazis because, yes, they do still exist.

[siouxiedadegenerate]

Heddo! My name is [REDACTED] but you can call me Siouxie.

Bi AroAce – Single – Mixed – Native American – Agender – MultiFandom – Artist – 3D Modeler

I’m also either watching YouTube (my personal tv channel uWu) or listening to music 24/7.

I’m currently 26 yrs old. My birthday is July 29th.

I tend to spend too much damn time on the internet and my phone.

I enjoy watching YouTube or roleplaying with friends.

I draw and write, even though I’m not good at it . . .

A B O U T M E

Hey! My name is [REDACTED] but you may call me Nyx or Xander.

I’m antisocial, so when it comes to making friends, I’m not that good at . . . But if you want to be friends that would be nice . . . 👉👈

I go by She/They. I’m a Cis Female but questioning. I’m AroAce and Bisexual Questioning. I’M AN ADULT, so what I do is 18+.

I’m also a single pringle but that doesn’t mean I want to be flirted with . . . So please, don’t hit on me unless you are a friend of mine and I KNOW you are joking.

I’m agnostic so please don’t bring your Jesus crap here, I have enough of it in my Real Life =_= . . .

I’m laid back and silently most of the time until I get to know you more and more, then I won’t shut the fuck up. XD You’ll easily get tired of me cause I always desire attention whenever I’m bored. I have undiagnosed ADHD. I’m diagnosed with Manic Bipolar Depression, Manic Depression, Anxiety, Schizophrenia, and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I use Caps to show I’m either excited or yelling about something but I’m mostly not yelling at you.

I draw from time to time but most of the time I just hate my artwork >:| Damn these hands . . . But I also like to write whatever I’m hyper fixated on. *cough* SUPERNATURAL *cough*

F A C T S A B O U T M E

I’m the youngest of my family.

I’m Native American.

I’m Mixed.

I’m learning Japanese.

I’m a huge nerd for internet memes.

I’m from the United States

F A V E S

Fandoms I’m In: Supernatural, Good Omens, Boyfriend to Death, Anime, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Steven Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pizza Tower, Five Nights at Freddy’s

YouTubers: Game Grumps, The Boys, InternetCity

Ships: AziraCrow, Destiel

Music: Falling in Reverse, Set It Off, Ado, Anna Blue, Ice Nine Kills, Fall Out Boy, Vocaloid, J-Pop, Punk Rock, Pop

My Favorite Characters: Sam Winchester (Supernatural), Crowley (Good Omens), Lucifer (Hazbin Hotel), Adam (Hazbin Hotel Again), Rire (Boyfriend to Death)

Others: Chocolate, RolePlaying, Gothic Stuff, Emo Stuff, Edgy Shit, Drawing, Writing Crappy Fanfiction, Scenemo/Scenecore, Burgers, Watching YouTube

My favorite colors are lavender, blood red, and midnight black (yes, I like to describe my colors cause I’m a unique snowflake uWu )

My favorite movies is Coraline. Nothing else. My favorite show is Steven Universe and Hazbin Hotel (despite not having Amazon Prime. I watch clips and songs on YouTube uWu) My favorite song is Sick by The Boys, hands down. My favorite game has to be either Saints Row or Portal 2.

B E L O W T H E C U T (WORK IN PROGRESS)

What I Post

My Fics

Warning

Masterlist

Where You Can Find Me/ Social Medias My Links | Twitter | Instagram | BlueSky | YouTube

W A R N I N G

I post whatever I want including adult content. If you want to see my works, make sure you are prepared.

All my works that are ADULT will only be tagged as ‘Special Art’.

K I N K S

Noncon, Dubcon, Marking, Grinding/Thigh Riding Praise

Enjoy your stay and thank you for reading all the way to the end. You get a piece of chocolate!

M Y T A G S

Reblog – Like It SaysWhat the Shit – Shit Posts Naughty Naughty - Adult Works/Media

Thank you for reading this all until the end. UwUReblogs and Likes are Always Welcomed and Appreciated! Do NOT repost my work anywhere without my permission!

[nikkisticki]

You think there’s an American coup shortly on the way????

Wow that was fast

yeah? I could sit here and spend a lot of time explaining the full length of my actions and thoughts, but the short version is that during the 2016 election I began to notice substantially more racists and bigots being all the more extreme and realized that something bad might be happening, so I spent several years as a side project examining, communicating and trying to deradicalize people who have been drawn into the far-right hole.

Incidentally, in hundreds of conversations I think I succeeded maybe six times

Irregardless, I can tell you that there's a substantial chunk of Americans who have been radicalized to such an extent that there's no turning back; these people will believe whatever they are told and are absolutely frothing at the mouth, ready to kill if given a "morally righteous" reason, and consume media which exclusively feeds them further radical thought (the amount of active popular grifters has gotten so large they are forming their own fucking companies made of several layers of huckster). They will never stop believing this crap as it's become inherent to their Idealogy, effectively a building block of their soul.

As well, Qanon followers didn't just magically go away. While a large number of them have learned to not actively reveal their hand and more have simply decided it was a psy-op, they still entirely believe that a cabal of deep state pedophiles are blah blah blah blah...

This is a substantial base on top of your standard "Republican/Conservative" who doesn't know what fascism is and doesn't care as long as their guy wins, cause they might TAKE OUR GUNS! As the first coup has shown they are willing to do whatever they are told if their blood is running hot, even if they are all incompetent idiots.

Trump's nailed to a wall, he can't escape this many indictments, something will get him...unless he becomes the president again, which he could even from jail! I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the polls are going UP for him as he gets more indictments.

He openly intended to take over America, he's not magically decided against it since then and there's a great deal of rich twats who'd love for this to happen, so do you think it magically stops here? I don't.

If you were to play strategy and try to determine the possible outcomes of 2024, there's only a few I can think of

1) Trump wins > mass riots > civil war

2) Trump wins > coup > civil war

3) Trump wins > further irrevocable damage to the American political system > Civil war but down the line (unlikely)

4) Sleepy Joe wins > Trump throws a coup > Wins (Probably unlikely as the military would be forced to back the bag of bones currently pretending to be not racist (Biden) )

5) Sleepy Joe wins > Trump throws a coup > loses

6) Sleepy Joe Wins > Democrats/legal system actually do something useful and stop Trump from committing a coup > America is still on the brink of collapse (where's it's been for years)

7) Sleepy Joe Wins > Trump goes to jail > 2028 sees a new strong man to replace him as Trump's chosen candidate > See above but replace Trump with their name

There's a functional rot in America that just isn't going to magically go away even if Trump is arrested, there's no stopping the The right with their S.C majority while the Democratic party is functionally no better and only marginally less inclined to upset cis het whitefolk (if your not white, they don't care about you beyond performative gestures). They won't ever change (there's a reason why MLK said Moderates are the biggest hurdle to equality), so here's an obvious spot in history for any old bigot to take the stand and try to "Make America Great Again"

Largely speaking, I'd rather there's no violence, but I'm also not some fool who errantly believes that America is "too great and strong " to split and fall into chaos. The country has been radicalized towards Christo-Fascism and there's no stopping it unless people play legal hot potato and keep offices from being filled by them until they all die of old age and Covid...

Oh and that's not going to happen because part of Qanons movement has been to convince people to infiltrate government (mostly local, but you've got senators and congressmen who are connected to it all the way down to infiltrating the positions of election officials) and attempt to aid their president, when the time comes. This is on top of the countless corporate ghouls who currently have political power that are directly paid and bought for by rich white conservatives.

Ideally, Trumps coup is a thousand bigots getting arrested/shot...but the cops don't like siding against their own, do they?

edit: btw irregardless of what happens there's nothing anyone can do besides prepare as the legal system is useless and the only solution would be mass riots and the near entire removal of all politicians from federal and state positions, which I'm all for!

So don't worry about it too much, it won't help anything.

[ankoku-teion]

Ok, so. To do a somewhat better job of articulating my feelings on this:

I know for a certainty that I am not simply cisgender.

I have questioned my gender previously but never took it further than the inside of my head. June of this year, I took a leap and bought myself some feminine clothing and it has changed my world significantly.

I started doing some research and some reading and some deep exploration of myself. Because I've never really tried to engage with the gender identity labels before.

I started off exploring the ideas of being a-gender, enby, or gender fluid.

I've not got a strong internal sense of what my gender is exactly. There's nothing in there that says "i am MAN" or "I am WOMAN" that a lot of other people seem to have. So maybe a-gender. But a lot of the a-gender people I've read/spoken to have a very definite sense of NOT being those things, which I also dont have. I just lack the abstract concept, which I think is because I'm autistic, so I just engage with my gender in a different way. Which is true of my emotions. I dont have an abstract concept of a lot of emotions, instead I experience them as physical sensations which I then have to consciously translate.

So probably not a-gender?

I've ruled out gender fluid too on the basis that I dont feel differently from day to day, I still want to express it in the same ways I just feel external pressure not to in some situations. (And sorting out what was internal Vs external took me a long time too)

Over the course of this I've been edging towards the trans label too. It might fit me? But.i don't quite feel comfortable identifying that way. I feel like I'm trespassing or something. I have friends who are binary trans and on HRT, and have been for years, and I've talked with them a lot over the years about their struggles and experiences. Taking on the label feels disrespectful to them I guess. And trying to talk about this with them was fucking nerve-wracking too, even though I knew they'd understand, I couldn't suppress the fear that they'd call me out as a weirdo and tell me I was appropriating their community.

So for now I'm settling on Enby. Because I know I'm not a cis man, but I don't feel comfortable with trans woman either. Trans as a broad umbrella term, I'm ok with, but "trans woman" specifically gives me trepidation.

I definitely like dressing femme, the first picture I took of myself in a blue dress with my red wig was the first picture of myself that I've seen since I was 14 and not instantly hated. I wear silicone breasts and a bra full time now too, and it just feels right in a way I can't explain.

Every time someone on this site uses she/her or calls me Sarah I get a small thrill of happiness down my spine. And my friends have remarked that I'm noticeably happier and more energetic overall the last couple of weeks.

I actually enjoy clothes shopping now too? It's still as awkward and frustrating as it ever was, if not moreso now because it's even harder to find anything that fits, but when I do, it makes me happy enough that it's worth it.

I'm still crap at painting my nails, but again, it makes me very happy. Even the opportunity to be frustrated and disappointed by the results feels better than not doing it.

I saw a post a couple of hours ago about fish not knowing they're wet, and that being a metaphor for trans folk in denial and dysphoria. And I honestly am starting to feel like the fish being lifted out of the water. Panicky and scared. But also now I know the water is wet.

My mental health has been in the shit since I was 14, Ive constantly hated myself and my body for seemingly all different reasons or no reason at all. Now in hindsight it kind of makes sense.

I'm taking this whole thing in small steps and avoiding the big questions for now, because trying to think about that now is overwhelming, but it kind of all falls into place when I look back on it.

hey are you a girl now

Ehhh, I guess?

I'm definitely happier being femme. Still not entirely sure what to do with that.

[hitaka5ever]

I've brought this up before but I wanna bring it up again bc I think its super important for everyone to understand this:

Last year via Twitter (before my ban) either someone tweeted or screenshotted a Tumblr post about "when we say we "hate ALL men" we also mean trans men. If you don't include trans men, you're transphobic" and way too many people agreed

Newsflash, possibly half or more of the world hates trans people and think they're just cis people trying to be "special" by saying they're not the sex/gender they were born as. Until I no longer have boobs, randos will think I'm a woman when I'm not and my family that are transphobic will still only see me as a woman

Yes, trans men are men, but the biggest difference between trans men and cis men is one isn't cis. I'm fairly certain the original people's intent with the "all men" shit was geared towards cis men, so to lump trans men in that is transphobic

Trans men don't get cis men mindsets (misogyny, sexism, etc) once they transition, and many of them will still be seen as women just bc of their "female" genitalia

If you wanna talk shit against cis men only, then say "cis men" instead of "men" bc not doing so lumps trans men into it

I'm sure the majority of trans men do not become misogynistic, womanizing dickbags, so lumping them with your "we hate all men" mindset makes you the dick

Trans men are NOT cis men, that's the difference!

[nightswithkookmin]

How is this confusing?

Did they stutter?

They said those images are her personal photos , PERSONAL. That presupposes they are not only REAL PHOTOS but also that she didn't intend to share them with the public. Ergo the invasion of privacy part.

Don't be slow.

But look at how vague they tried to be by not stating explicitly which photos are real and which aren't. Note they didn't comment on the relationship rumor because they have already said that's none of their business. Great PR tactic. I hate it.

I'm relieved in part though because I genuinely was concerned about Tae's privacy and though this doesn't mention him it sends a clearer message than the crap hybe posted. That man has been suffering non stop from the relentless attacks and invasion on his privacy since the end of last year. Do you know how frustrated a man must be to forsake all respectability to threaten homicide on the internet?

Last I checked threat of violence is a crime. But he risked getting charges levelled against him. Risked getting canceled for glorifying violence. And he even threatened to sue too on top of everything💀

To put it into perspective, if any other person made those threats on the internet they would be canceled by woke cancel culture 💀

That's how bad it got for him. Tbat man was pushed to his last limits. His sanity hanging by a thread. That man is bleeding red. He's a Lion made to squeak like a mouse. Do you know how powerless that can make you feel? You just have to stand there and watch everything spin round and round. I'd lose my head and knock someone down on the streets with a truck if I were in his shoes.

I want to leak GHs address to Taehyung not gonna lie

Ill be his escape driver and stand watch for him.

Personally, I think this whole thing have been handled poorly from the start. Ignoring issues won't solve them anymore than ignoring you have herpes will cure you.

And to me my biggest concern was the breach of privacy if any these were true. It's one thing zooming and slowing down on content they've already consented to make public which is not at all what this person is doing here.

And I'm all for free speech and freedom of expression and shipping but how is any of this that? How is any of this right if it's leaving mental scars on the artists on the other end?

Like yea, I'm a hater.

I hate tuktukkers more than anything and this low key makes me giggle like an evil bat

But I kinda hate cis het straight ships and would rather read my Taejin smut in peace so I'm torn.

I get the pictures in the car and the Jeju Island rendezvous. I do. It's nothing at all compromising even though it raises the question how the hell any one got their hands on them.

But nudes??? That's where they lost me.

Miss me with the revenge porn.

That is not only morally wrong, that's a tort too. Crossed several lines with that one. Criminal. You don't give up your fundamental human rights just because you are an idol. This is wrong.

I don't know what both companies keep harping on about false information when yall never set the record straight on anything and have been complacent and do nothing while this 'false' rumor whatecer it is keep spreading, running wild like wild fires.

This is the most complicated scandal in the history of scandals I've ever witnessed. Neither company have a handle on this cos it's truth mixed with a ton of lies.

These malice this, wrong info that are just PR tactics. I understand it but I don't respect it at all. You letting false rumors run wild when if you cared about the truth at all you will be setting the records straight.

And YG waiting for hybe to make a move first before doing anything says just how much powerful Hybe has become in the entertainment industry.

It's interesting seeing them squirm with this curve ball.

I will refrain from sharing any legal perspectives on the matter cos I don't want to give anyone ideas. There's a way YG can win this and there's a way OP can win this. Court is an arena for the battle of legal opinions and whoever makes the most legal sense wins.

Plus it's always one person's rights against another's.

I feel bad for Miss Jennie.

[mogai-sunflowers]

I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS SO MUCH. I am an autistic person and honestly, I felt like an idiot for many years for not being able to understand most things. Like, it's hard to research, I know the basics but everyone seems to know everything and I feel like I don't even have the right to have an opinion on the subject because I literally don't know every detail of it, EXCEPTIONALLY political.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! like i've seen so many people be blatantly fucking ableist and acting like intensely academic political posts are just automatically easy to understand. i try so hard to understand nuanced social dynamics surrounding things like gender, race, disability, i try SO HARD!!! but i get it wrong so much because i genuinely can't understand many things that most people understand. i never mean to offend anyone or anything but come on, people need to understand that you don't have to be good at language, social cues, socializing, or political stuff to still give a crap about social justice. i'm absolutely terrified of ever mentioning my autism in relation to this because i'm sure i'd get a hundred messages telling me i'm weaponizing my neurodivergence to avoid accountability but the thing is, whenever i make a mistake, sometimes it IS because of my autism! autistic people are allowed to make mistakes and discuss why they made it being their autism. it's not inherently wrong to bring up connections between mistakes you've made and the way they were impacted by your autism. i would never be like "omg i'm incapable of doing anything wrong because im autistic so if you criticize me ur ableist" and i feel like that's how people see autistics. we're either perfect at everything and beyond criticism, or we're babies who just use our autism to avoid accountability. and don't get me wrong, that's something people do. there are absolutely white autistics who use their autism to avoid accountability for being racist, cis/straight autistics who use their autism to avoid accountability for being queerphobic, etc. but that doesn't mean that it's always for that reason. there have been times when i've said something inappropriate race and queer-wise because i didn't understand a particular social context that is literally impossible for me to understand. i apologized for what i said/did, but people were angrier at the fact that i didn't understand a social norm than they were at the fact that i acted inappropriately. it shows that people care so much more about the aesthetics of social justice than about actually giving a fuck about the people they claim to support.

another thing that drives me up a wall is when someone offers a public apology for something they did, and literally everyone breaks down every part of the apology to try and "prove" that the person didn't mean it and was just trying to escape being called out. because literally all of that seemingly sound "analysis" is literally just "did they say the right thing for this social situation" which is literally fucking hard and sometimes impossible for neurodivergent and specifically autistic people. social justice has been my biggest passion since i was literally 5 but somehow i feel less valuable and like a horrible person just because i don't always know how to express it and it's so tiring to feel like i don't belong in a place that is supposed to care about me. other things factor into it too, like i feel isolated from social justice spaces because of my queerness and body too, but a lot of it is my autism that makes it so hard. also the way so many social justice posts are like. long ass posts with no tldrs is like. fucking impossible for me to read but then people are like "you can't even read a post this proves you don't care about people" i fucking hate it. sorry for ranting anon i just feel you so much. if you ever need any help understanding something or need support or to rant or anything i'm always here, cuz this is seriously frustrating. but i can promise you that you're not bad for not understanding some things. you deserve to feel free in having your own opinions and beliefs and no one should feel they have the right to make you feel any different.

TLDR: Not everyone understands social nuances as easily as others. Not everyone has the ability to always discern what is appropriate for every social context. Autistic people can bring up their autism and how it impacts them without it being them trying to escape accountability. Autism is not shameful, and these things are natural, not bad. We still deserve love and acceptance in leftist spaces. Please respect us.

[dosdeux]

full name: harvey dent/two-face

nicknames: harv/two-face is not a nickname, to be clear

place of birth: gotham, NJ

current location: gotham, NJ

sexual/romantic orientation: they’re both very much on the ace spectrum; demi describes them best

preferred pronouns: he/him. i use the plural form of “they” to refer to them both collectively 

gender: cis men

spoken languages: spanish & english

one trait they’re proud of having: harvey isn’t proud of anything anymore, but it used to be his determination. two-face hates himself but will try and convince himself and others that his lack of conventional morals is actually somehow the best way to be.

defining gestures: harvey talks with his hands a lot. two-face is always fiddling with his coin. he also tends to use intimidation in the way of standing too close and intense eye contact.

speaking style: harvey has a faint jersey accent he deliberately toned down. two-face’s accent is far more obvious. both have a very wide vocabulary, but two-face has a much more casual way of speaking.

insecurities: i’ll keep this simple and say overall, they’re both insecure about themselves as people.

positive traits: dedicated, caring, loyal, kind. / observant, cunning, intelligent.

negative traits: insecure, reticent, obsessive. / cruel, selfish, obsessive.

other people’s opinions of them: it’s somewhat mixed. overall, i’d say they’re generally very hated by most people. while it’s public knowledge that harvey has DID, and they’re both vocal about being separate personalities, it’s still generally believed that harvey just “went crazy” and “turned evil”. even among criminals, two-face is an asshole, so very few people find him tolerable, much less enjoy being around him.

one major turning point in their life: probably getting their face burned off

if they could time travel, when would they go?: harvey would go back to right before he really started to unravel and try to prevent having his life ruined. two-face would say time travel is pointless because you can’t change fate.

ideal romantic partner: ideal is hard to nail down, but it would have to be someone who is accepting of their illness, and is willing to date both of them. they would have to be very patient, and also confident and assertive. 

favorite way to waste time: two-face likes old tv shows. harvey really hates wasting time.

given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?: two-face would likely draw something bizarre, and possibly unsettling. that, or write something incoherent and hateful. in the past, harvey would have written notes and ideas.

view on home and family: harvey has always tried very hard to be “normal”, which lead him to believe he wanted kids. not to say he didn’t, but the actual reality of it terrified him too much to be comfortable with it. he believes family is very important, all family, to the point he pays for a high end apartment for his abusive father.

two-face thinks it’s important until it’s not. he’s tried multiple times to kill his father, and hates that harvey helps him. 

any secret stashes?: guns, guns, more guns. money and other stolen crap. 

how do they express themselves?: they both like very horrible, loud suits. 

what did they want to be when they grew up?: harvey didn’t know what he wanted to be for a long time. he just wanted to be “good”, until he started getting older and thinking more about what kind of good he could do for others.

what do you like most about them?: everything.

one or more plots you’re dying to have: i’m interested to explore more general dynamics with two-face. since he’s a horrible and difficult person to be around, it’s interesting to see when he can tolerate someone. i also like plots involving people who were close to harvey before and dealing with the severe dynamic shift of interacting with two-face instead. i also want to use their reform verse more, but i’m still thinking i’m gonna be selective with it.

tagged: @bloodstainedjewels​, thank u!

tagging: steal it and say i tagged you

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Do Whatever You Want, I’m Super Dead

Read here on AO3!

Summary:

Tim has come to the stunning conclusion that human bodies are defective and evolution needs to pick up the fucking slack.

Tim has come to the stunning conclusion that human bodies are defective and evolution needs to pick up the fucking slack. Why else would he be this miserable? Tim is settled in the manor’s TV room, curled up on the comfiest sofa in the house. He’s on his third episode of Riverdale in a row—not because he enjoys the show, definitely not. But he lost the remote under the couch some three hours ago and if he moves even an inch from his current position, he’s sure he will bleed out and die. Tim should have been prepared for this. For two days now he’s been crampy, but he figured it was just a stomachache and ignored it. Like an idiot. He let himself get lulled into the false sense of security like a helpless lamb being led right into the slaughterhouse. Needless to say, he learned his lesson when he woke up this morning feeling like his insides were being torn out with rusty pliers. Of everyone in the household, (which pretty much just means Cass and occasionally Barbara and Steph), Tim gets the worst periods by far. Yes, that is incredibly unfair and he is seriously considering selling his entire reproductive system for ten dollars on Ebay just to be rid of it. Bruce says he can get the surgery when he turns eighteen, but Tim would rather wait a few years than be put out of commission for such a long stretch of time. This is making him regret that decision, though.

It’s bad enough that every time Tim does a tampon run he has to look at that stupid “feminine care” aisle sign, like it’s accusing him of something. (And, yes, he knows that statistically there are far more cis women in the world who have periods than trans men, but still. Not fun.) To make matters worse, Tim couldn’t find his heating pad anywhere and didn’t feel like tearing apart his room for it, so instead he presses a hot thermos of coffee against his stomach, willing the cramps to subside. (Spoiler alert! They don’t. Tim’s body hates him.) Speaking of spoilers: “You’re doing the next food run after this,” Steph says as she enters the room. She’s got a bowl of hot mashed potatoes in each hand. She places one on the armrest next to Tim and snuggles into the nearby armchair with her own. “I almost blew up the stove.” Tim sits up a little, replaces the thermos in his lap with the warm bowl of potatoes. He’s starving. “You’re the best, Steph.” “Fuck you.” “So grouchy.” “I have a right to be.” “Come on, I’m too cute and crampy to be mad at. Also you’re currently in my house, so you have to be nice to me.” Steph throws an aptly named throw pillow at him. This one has the quote, “World Peace Begins With Inner Peace” stitched on the front—one of Alfred’s futile attempts at abolishing bickering in the household. Poor guy never stood a chance. “You did this to me,” she hisses. “How was I supposed to know we’d sync up? It was an innocent oversight on my part. Couldn’t be helped.”

“Jerk.” If Tim is a lamb in a slaughterhouse, then Jason is a kangaroo stepping into a boxing ring with two other, just as aggressive kangaroos. Tim didn’t even know he was at the manor today. Jay takes one look at Tim, burrowed under two blankets in a fetal position, and laughs. “Did the demon finally poison you?” “Har, har. You’re fucking hilarious.” Jason flops on the couch by Tim’s feet, probably would have crushed them if Tim didn’t move them out of the way just in time. Jason reaches over and steals Tim’s mashed potatoes like the absolute villain he is. He takes a bite, then gestures with his spoon to the television. “Why are you watching this crap?” Tim snatches the bowl back and smacks Jason in the arm for good measure. “Can’t find the remote.” “So? I thought you were a genius. Just hack into the TV or something. What else are we keeping you around for?” Tim shakes his head and eats his potatoes, uncaring when they scald his tongue. “Too tired.” “Are you sick?” “No, but my organs are melting.” Steph snorts. “And you called me grouchy.” “Oh, yeah? Says Miss “wahhhh, my boyfriend sabotaged me even though it’s actually not his fault at all and he’s just trying to live his life.’” “You did this to me on purpose and you know it. I was supposed to have another week and a half, but nooo, you had to take the reins and change it up. I have an English presentation tomorrow.” “I said I was sorry!” “Are you guys serious?” All eyes snap to Jason. “It’s just PMS. Get over it.” Tim slams his foot into Jason’s stomach as hard as he can. Jason lets out a wheeze and doubles over. “Jesus. What the hell was that for?” “Leg spasm,” Tim says innocently. “My bad.” “You bruised my fucking kidney, you little ingrate.” “Oh, you’re in a little bit of pain? Get over it.” “That was a joke.” Jason rubs the forming bruise with a wince. “I didn’t ask for a demonstration.” Tim eats his mashed potatoes and does his best to ignore Jason. He’s miserable enough today as it is; he doesn’t need his brother adding on to that misery. He gets hit with another cramp and grimaces, curling in on himself as tight as he can. So not fair. Jason stands and goes to the kitchen, leaving Tim alone on the sofa. He takes advantage of the free space and stretches out his legs across the full length again, biting back what is definitely not a whimper. Look, having a uterus fucking hurts, okay? Tim can take a gunshot any day, but his own body attacking him is just uncalled for. Whoever decided that anyone with XX chromosomes deserves to be put through pain as a regular part of life while the other sex doesn’t should be lined up and shot. Jason returns in seconds, this time with a chocolate bar that Tim vaguely remembers seeing in Jason’s junk food stash behind the microwave. He throws it at Tim, who fumbles to catch it. “Here. Am I absolved of guilt now?” Tim considers that for a moment. He gives the chocolate to Steph, who tears off the wrapper and wolfs the entire thing down in record time. She should be a gold medalist in eating. “Not much of a chocolate fan,” Tim admits. “It’s too sweet.” “Then what do you want?” “I like money.” “Why the fuck would I give you money? You’ve got PMS, you’re not dying.” “It’s like buying me another candy bar, but instead of buying the candy you can just give me the cash. Cut out the middleman.” Jason rolls his eyes. “This is what I get for trying to be nice.” “Fine, fine. If you want to buy me food, can you get some guacamole from that place next to Wayne Tower? The one with the really good quesadillas? I don’t want any quesadillas, though, just the guacamole in a to-go cup with a spoon.” Steph holds up two fingers. “Make that two,” she says around a mouthful of chocolate. “Two guacamoles. And maybe a handful of those chewy mints they have at the front counter too.” Jason sighs, grabbing his jacket from the back of the couch. “Coming right up. But you two owe me for this.” Tim burrows deeper under his blankets, smiling. Yes, they can be annoying. Yes, they are utterly hopeless when it comes to things like this. But sometimes it pays to have brothers.

[saphinc]

write  more  plus  size  muses  challenge  (  from  a  writer  with  two  chins  &  counting  )  !!  tw  ;  eating  disorder  ,  body  image  ,  fatphobia  mention.

there  are  a  million  reasons  someone  is  overweight.  some  of  us  don’t  know  ,  or  care.  we  don’t  have  to  explain  it  or  justify  it.  neither  does  your  character.

but  they  can.  and  sometimes  it’s  really  important.  i  have  struggled  with  my  size  my  whole  life  ,  but  i  attribute  most  of  it  to  an  eating  disorder.  but  that’s  for  me  ,  not  you.

we  don’t  need  to  eat  double  the  portion  size  to  feel  satisfied  ,  nor  do  we  need  to  eat  more  often.  our  hunger  works  like  yours  does.

stop  writing  fat  characters  who  are  constantly  snacking  or  asking  every  other  character  for  their  leftovers.  it’s  fucking  rude.  we  don’t  do  that.

if  anything  ,  i  am  more  likely  to  eat  less  or  avoid  eating  altogether  when  around  others.

also  stop  writing  fat  characters  that  are  constantly  dieting.  stop  writing  fat  characters  who  lose  weight  to  be  liked  (  or  for  any  other  reason  for  themselves  ).  we  don’t  have  to  change  ourselves  ,  just  the  people  around  us.

plus  size  bodies  are  unique  and  beautiful.  we  can  be  tall  or  short  or  hairy  or  lanky.  

our  weight  isn’t  all  in  the  hips  and  ass.  mine’s  in  my  torso.  it  can  be  in  your  chest  ,  your  face  ,  stomach,  legs,  thighs.  most  of  the  time  ,  it’s  everywhere  ,  spread  out.

i  have  stretch  marks,  but  those  only  showed  up  when  i  rapidly  gained  weight  .  most  of  my  life  i  didn’t  have  them  despite  being  fat  from  a  young  age.

my  thighs  and  upper  arms  jiggle.  a  lot.

we  don’t  all  hate  our  bodies  &  we’re  not  all  bullied  for  them.  we  make  fun  of  ourselves  too.  i  love  my  jiggly  arms.

that  being  said  ,  we  are  treated  differently.  all  the  time.  sometimes  i  think  people  are  scared  i’ll  crush  them  by  just  standing  there  &  talking  ?  or  they  think  i’ll  breathe  the  fat  plague  in  their  space  ?

shopping  is  really  hard.  most  stores  don’t  cater  to  fat  bodies  at  all  ,  especially  in  women’s.  i  mostly  shop  in  the  men’s  section  or  in  exclusively  plus  size  stores.  our  options  are  super  limited.  that’s  not  our  fault.

the  word  fat  isn’t  offensive.  but  don’t  call  me  it  or  describe  me  as  it.  we  do  use  it  to  describe  ourselves.  and  not  in  a  negative  way  !

speaking  of  ?  did  i  mention  we  don’t  all  hate  our  bodies  and  want  to  change  them?  

edit  your  language.  eradicate  the  idea  that  skinny  is  beautiful.  every  size  is  beautiful  ,  asshole.  i’m  really  cute.  being  fat  and  being  beautiful  are  not  mutually  exclusive.

don’t  say  “you’re  not  fat”  to  a  fat  person  like  it’s  a  compliment.  i  am  fat  and  that’s  okay.  stop  treating  fatness  like  a  character  flaw.

we  fall  in  love  just  like  you.  we  don’t  have  to  settle  for  an  individual  who  makes  us  feel  like  crap  just  to  not  be  lonely.  i  know  it’s  hard  to  believe  but  there  are  actually  people  out  there  who  don’t  judge  character  by  weight.

it’s  not  cute  to  have  fat  as  your  “type”  because  not  one  of  us  is  the  same,  our  bodies  are  so  different  and  our  only  similarity  ,  really  ,  is  we’re  bigger  than  average.  we’re  not  a  fetish.

there’s  no  fat  clique.  i  have  friends  who  are  plus  size  and  ones  that  are  skinny.  i  knew  really  popular  assholes  in  high  school  who  were  fat.  i  knew  soft-spoken  ones  and  edgy  ones  and  stoners.  we’re  not  all  friends.  not  all  of  our  friends  share  our  size.

same  with  our  families.  stop  assuming  we  come  from  fat  families.  being  overweight  can  be  /  is  genetic  as  well  as  due  to  lifestyle  choices.  both  of  my  brothers  are  skinny.  my  mom  is  bigger  than  me  ,  my  dad  is  average.  my  grandparents  are  small  ,  my  cousin  is  a  little  smaller  than  me  &  my  aunt  used  to  be  big  but  ended  up  losing  a  lot  of  weight  due  to  a  physical  illness.

boobs  sag.  gravity  pulls  them  down  before  anything  else.  mine  bounce  ,  fall  ,  pop  out  of  my  shirt  ,  whatever  the  fuck  they  want.  they  crush  each  other  when  i  lie  on  my  side  and  spread  in  big  blobs  when  i’m  on  my  back.  they’re  super  annoying  and  i  love  them.

it  is  possible  to  balance  items  on  our  chests.  it’s  very  useful.  sometimes  i’ll  prop  my  boob  up  to  have  a  bigger  table  when  i’m  carrying  something.  sometimes  i’ll  rest  my  container  of  applesauce  on  it  while  i’m  lying  down.  my  dog  likes  to  use  them  for  pillows.

i  can’t  see  through  them.  it  takes  some  work.  i  can’t  lay  flat  with  a  bra  on  and  watch  tv  at  the  same  time.  i  can’t  see  through  my  stomach  when  i’m  looking  down  either.  

that  doesn’t  mean  it’s  harder  for  us  or  takes  longer  for  us  to  use  the  bathroom  or  shower.  we  just  have  to  learn  to  do  some  of  it  blindly  or  move  faster  (  because  yes  ,  of  course  we  wash  under  our  fat??  )

i  do  not  sleep  with  a  bra  on.  i  was  told  at  a  young  age  that  i  should  though.  i  don’t  know  if  there’s  any  merit  to  that  tip  or  if  it  was  invented  to  make  skinny  people  at  sleepovers  more  comfortable.  

we  can  (  and  do  )  wear  sports  bras.  same  with  spandex,  tights,  and  crop  tops.  we  can  wear  whatever  we  want  just  like  you.  it’s  just  not  as  easy  for  us  to  find  these  items  in  our  size  ,  in  stores.

being  fat  isn’t  a  disability.  

we  don’t  get  special  treatment  in  gym  class  or  different  expectations  ,  because  guess  what  ?  we’re  not  unhealthy.  stop  babying  us  when  it  comes  to  physical  activity.  we  know  our  own  limits  and  we’ll  tell  you  if  we’re  close  to  them.

we  can  run.  we  can  do  yoga  and  stretch  without  cracking  or  breaking  something.  we  can  &  and  do  have  sex.  we’re  not  always  in  pain  either  ,  for  the  love  of  god!!

there  are  things  we  can’t  do.  the  most  obvious  place  for  me  is  at  carnivals  ?  i  still  go  to  them,  but  i  don’t  go  on  rides.  most  don’t  support  fat  people.  same  with  clothes.  most  of  them  don’t  come  in  our  size.  our  options  are  limited.

we  don’t  sweat  more  than  the  average  person?  weight  isn’t  an  indicator  of  how  much  you  perspire.  

on  that  note  ,  i  don’t  give  a  damn  what  health  blogs  and  magazines  tell  you.  those  are  written  by  skinny  people  who  hate  us  and  think  we’re  gross.  we  are  each  individually  responsible  for  a  so  called  obesity  epidemic  ,  according  to  them.  they’ll  do  whatever  to  convince  you  of  this.

i’m  not  “glorifying  obesity”  either.  i’m  telling  you  that  i  exist  and  i’m  not  disgusting  because  my  body  looks  like  this.

don’t  forget  to  be  intersectional  when  considering  writing  plus  size  characters.  familiarize  yourself  with  harmful  stereotypes  and  misconceptions.  i’m  a  cis  white  woman.  i  have  it  a  lot  easier  than  plus  size  poc,  and  plus  size  trans  ppl.

[nightfurynova1217]

Alright skip past this is you don’t care but I have ~opinions~ (also a rant, so just. Heads up) Content Warning: -Mentions of Racism -Misandry and Misogyny -LGBTQIA+ hate -Trauma and PTSD

Can we just, like, understand and start realizing that feminism and misandry are in fact *gasp* NOT one in the same??

I have way too many “friends” that don’t get this and it hurts. They’ll be off on discord saying “Oh, men are terrible. They’re either horny, hungry or asleep. There is no in-between.” (legit quote btw)

To which I then had to say “insert my male asexual friend here” and then they “corrected” themselves. I have another that said “It immediately pisses me off when people say not all men. Like, I know? But am I gonna take that chance? No way!”

And then I’m just sitting there. With my loving father and five brothers. Who honestly, I would die for. If I had a choice between them or me, I’d take the bullet.

(Also side-note about this server, I know for a FACT that there are at least TWO trans men in there, having to listen to this crap too. Like sure, let’s go ahead and tell these people who are supposed to be your “friends” that the only way they can feel like themselves is to identify as something synonymous with trash)

Now. I’m a feminist (also female so it kinda comes in a package deal but whatever). But I distinctly remember not wanting to be. Because I’d see feminist posts and videos that would so unbelievably and unrealistically diss on men and I didn’t want to associate myself with that. Like okay, yeah. Let’s go ahead and do to all them what the jerks among them did to us. See what good it does.

And don’t get me wrong, for the case I’m trying to make here the term, “not all men” actually applies. Not all men are terrible, but not all are good either. And I get that. There are mountains of proof that support it. But saying that, considering your experiences (which are valid, I’m not denying that) haven’t been great, or-

No, let’s not sugar-coat this.

Even if you’ve had trauma, some of which maybe even delving to PTSD, and again, THAT IS VALID. If what’s happened hurt you, and still causes you pain, that is okay. I am not shaming that, and whoever did that to you is terrible, and horrible and you should not have had to endure that in any way. But classifying everyone who just happens to belong to the same identification as the wrongful individual as terrible and horrible as well?

I hate to break it to you, but that’s the same mentality that brings us racism. And how long have we been fighting for Black Lives Matter? Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) has been receiving traction for their rights too.

To give a clear analogy here of what I’m trying to say: “A man hurt me, and I still have nightmares about it. I hate men, they’re terrible.”

But to put through another, similar, lens, “A black person hurt me, and I still have nightmares about it. I hate black people, they’re terrible.”

“An Asian”

“A Mexican”

“A non-binary person”

“A lesbian”

It does not matter. It’s the same claim, and to any group you’re talking about, it hurts. Yes, not all men are good, or even deserve to be called decent human beings sometimes. But the same can go for women. I mean, all I have to say is “Karen” and don’t even have to explain further.

But can we please come to the understanding, that you can be a feminist. You can appreciate, uplift and support women. But to do so, you don’t have to drag men down. You can appreciate them too. And besides, isn’t the whole slogan for feminism “Equality”? How can we be equal if all you do is raise one up and bog down the other? Is it so you can feel better about yourself? If that’s the case then, how different are you from an average bully, desperate for attention?

So, to sum up, if there’s one thing I wanted to tell myself when I was younger and wanted to be a feminist, but tried not to be, this is what real feminism means:

Women are great, too. Let’s give us a spotlight, too.

--Also, confession. I used to be an “all lives matter” advocate. Until I came to the same realization of what BLM really meant:

Black Lives Matter, too.

Asian American and Pacific Islanders have rights, too.

By going to rallies and supporting these groups, we are not raising them above everyone else. Yes, they’re getting a spotlight, but that’s because they’ve needed to be a part of it, too. And we’re just now, finally, all coming together and lifting them up with us.

Sincerely, A blonde-haired, blue-eyed, cis-het, American white girl, who was so lucky beyond fairness that I just so happened to be born that way.

[goldenkookietae]

Cosy Creams | JJK

BTS one shot

Pairing: Colleague!Jungkook x reader

Word count: 4,173 words

Warnings: Fluff, cute

Summary:  It’s your first time on a date with your office colleague / crush and you are beyond nervous. When a dashing Jungkook turns up at your door, you could never have imagined an exhilarating ride and a delicious treat for the sweet tooth you’ve got.

A/N: I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this, but I really really liked this one while writing it. And I am defo going to write more parts. This Jungkook is just too boyfriend material.

Disclaimer: This story is an AU fanfiction that I have created using the names of the members of BTS. I do not claim any ownership over the members of BTS. The plot and the personalities of the characters are entirely my own.

Do not plagiarize my work and do not repost.

*

Moodboard

*I do not claim ownership over any of the pictures. They are credited to their original owners.

She leaned closer to the mirror, as she struggled to get her eyeliner perfectly. It wasn’t every day that Y/N decided to glam up for a night out. But this wasn’t just one of those regular weekend parties that she was reluctantly dragged to by her best friend. This one she had agreed to on her own, perhaps even suggested it. As if the effort coming from her side hadn’t already been enough, for the first time in so many years, she had actually wanted to dress up.

It wasn’t as though the date was fancy. He had asked her to dress up casually and she was more than thankful that he’d suggested that. But that didn’t necessarily mean that she was going to go make up free. Just casual make up would do. That included BB, mascara, eyeliner and some light lip gloss. Nothing too special.

“Crap! There goes my seventh attempt at symmetrical eyeliner. Just why do we have to put this shit on?” she cursed.

“Sweetheart, you know you have the choice of totally skipping it, don’t you?” her best friend leaned against her door frame, a box of strawberries in his hand while he bit into one.

“Thanks a lot Hoseok, that’s making me feel so much better.” She huffed before setting down the stick and slumping onto the bed with her typical eye roll.

“Now, there there, kid. You don’t have to get so down about it. I can help you put it on.” Hoseok smiled as he pat her head, loving the way her eyes lit up.

“But I don’t see the point in it because you’ll look like Winnie the pooh either way.” He laughed, also loving the frown she gave him.

“I hate you.” She muttered laying back on the soft sheets and staring up at the ceiling.

“Nothing ever works out with any crush of mine. Not even eyeliner. What has my life become?” Y/N sighed as she extended her hand upward and then dropped it down onto her stomach.

Hoseok chuckled at his little drama queen for a best friend. “Come on now, you didn’t really expect anything out of your crush over Scarlett Johansson, did you?”

“It still broke my heart.” Y/N replied in the same gloomy tone.

Hoseok simply grinned before he caught her arms tight and pulled her into a sitting position.

“Now let’s get you ready for this date that’s making you this dramatic. What was his name again? Jungmin?”

“Jungkook.” Y/N snapped her eyes to Hoseok instantly, giving him a small glare. “And why’re you acting like you don’t know him, you guys are practically glued to each other all the time.”

“Awww is that making you jealous?” Hoseok cooed, pinching her cheek only for his hand to get slapped away.

“Alright I’ll stop. I’m serious now. It’s quarter to eight already.”

“Already? He’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes and I’m still a mess! Argh!” Y/N shrieked, clutching her hair with a hand.

“Sweetheart, you got nothing to worry about when your hope is right here.” Hoseok nods as he points to himself and then fixes her with an intense stare.

“Time for Mission: Jungoo Jaw Drop, now in progress.”

“It’s Jungkook.” Y/N groaned, receiving a ‘tsk’ in response as Hoseok picked up the eyeliner from where she had left it.

What could be the reason for all this drama, one might ask. She scoffed and rolled her eyes at how cliché she was being. Her mind going back to the times she would crush over the popular guys in high school. This time was no different. The only things that had changed were that, she was no longer a student, but an intern and the guy she was crushing on was a colleague from her workplace.

While she pondered over her three-month-old crush, she was snapped back to reality when Hoseok shook her shoulders.

“Y/N? The doorbell just went off, I think it’s-”

“Jungkook.” She whispered, before looking into the mirror frantically.

 “Why do you sound like aliens are out to get you? Relax, it’s just a date. He’ll be drooling all over you trust me.” Hoseok held her shoulders and in that moment Y/N felt as though he was transferring energy to her.

It wasn’t her first time going out with him, they’d hung out together multiple times before and even been alone together. However, it was the first time, they had labelled this as a date. That was what made her nervous.

“You’re right, let’s go.” Y/N huffed, marching towards the door and pausing right before as she calmed herself and slowed down. As soon as she opened the door, she could hardly keep herself from blushing and looking away under his intense gaze.

“Y/N, you look beautiful.” Jungkook muttered, biting his lower lip making her swoon. Regaining her composure, she scanned him from head to toe shamelessly, taking in his attire. Black shirt, ripped jeans hugging his figure and a red leather jacket that gave him a ragged look.

Deep in her mind, she tried to match his outfit to hers. A dark blue ruffle blouse paired with blue jeans and black coat. Not that she could find anything similar.

Surprisingly, some of her confidence came back. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” She smiled, raising an eyebrow. Jungkook grinned, “Well, I’m glad. Exactly what I was aiming for.”

They stared at each other for a while, their cheeks hurting with how much they were smiling and how much they were trying to not let that show.

“Ahem.” Both heads towards Hoseok leaning against a wall sipping what Y/N assumed was coffee.

“Hi Hyung.” Jungkook waved and Hoseok waved back. When nothing more happened, Hoseok sighed and made a shooing movement with his hand. “You both should get your asses out now.”

“Yes, right. Shall we?” Jungkook smiled, taking her hand and leading her out into the cold night. She mentally pat herself on the back for adding on a coat, learning from past experiences.

And when their ride came into view, she could feel the excitement burst through her veins. She was taken aback the first time she had seen it, having never travelled on a motorcycle before. But once she got a taste of it, she realised nothing else could bring her the same thrill. To add to that, nothing topped off riding on the motorcycle, sitting behind him, holding onto his waist and feeling the warmth pass from his torso to her body.

While she was busy reliving the feel of it, Jungkook had already mounted their sweet ride and was now grinning at her. “Hop on.” He knew she loved it.

She staggered towards him slowly, taking in how drool worthy he looked sitting there on a Harley Davidson. Her eyes slipped down to his thighs, the muscle straining against the taut material of his jeans. His sharp features made him stand out even when he wasn’t trying to. Before she could get on however, he caught her wrist and pulled her to face him.

“Here.” He pulled out the helmet resting on the handle, and fit it onto her head, clicking the buckles into place under her chin. The first time she’d refused saying it would ruin her hair. That was when Jungkook had taken it upon himself to put it on her every time she rode with him. “Safety first.” He’d said. She had never since complained.

“Now, get on.” He said, putting on his own helmet. And unlike her first time, she had now mastered the art of getting onto a motorcycle without falling down. She gripped his shoulders, feeling the muscles flex underneath and flung her leg onto the other side, lowering herself slowly onto the raised hump. Satisfied, she slipped her hands around his waist and held tight. Maybe this was one of the reasons she loved the ride so much.

Jungkook had noticed on their previous rides that Y/N never really talked much during their ride, he watched her from the mirror, her head tilted upwards a little and if he focused, he could also see her eyes closed. She just simply enjoyed the rides and it made him smile. Sometimes, late in the night, when the roads where empty, she’d take off her helmet and press her forehead to his back and he could feel her letting go of whatever stress she was going through for that moment. That made his heart soar and made him glad he’d bought the Harley.

He kept checking on her in the mirror, telling her usually to hold on tighter because there was a bump in the road or he just wanted to feel her against him and other times he stayed quiet, content with the fact that she was enjoying the ride. The fact that she only had him to take her on such rides made him want to show her more of such things. The normal parts of his life had suddenly become special because of her and he just hoped she wouldn’t ever tire of them, or him. When he spotted their destination getting closer, he sighed knowing he’d miss the feel of her holding on tight to him.

“Kavanah.” Y/N read out loud as she got off the bike, taking in the cosy vibes from the place. Jungkook was standing beside her now and she felt his hand touch her back subtly guiding her through the gates.

“This place has the best brownies you could ever find. Since you love them so much.” He stated, biting his lip at how her eyes sparkled. It wasn’t as though she had told him that, but it would be stupid to miss.

A month ago, Jungkook had joined his first job after an internship, along with seven others. Three from the bunch were interns, and he had never met them until they were all sent off to a different city for a new joiner induction training. Five days, they were together in the same hotel, walking to another hotel where the training was held and having dinner at whichever restaurant came on the way back to the hotel. Not to miss all the late nights they were out, simply walking through the quiet place or street shopping.

Every supper meal they’d had on the trip ended with ice cream and brownies at the request of Y/N. Wasn’t really hard to figure out that she loved them.

Jungkook took her hand and led her into the brightly lit place, glancing at the display of a variety of delicious cakes. Straight past the brightly lit place he led her to the end, pulling open the glass door for her and following her as she stepped out.

The place was beautiful, the entire space was open to the sky, covered in green, lit only by twinkling lights hanging on the trees and the lamps set on each table. The benches were made out of wood and every table was separated from the others by enough distance to not be overheard. A cool breeze ruffled their clothes making her shiver and Jungkook stepped in front of her holding the sides of her coat and pulling them together tighter.

The urge of taking care of her came to Jungkook so naturally he could say it was a reflex or an instinct. He often felt it was because he was older than her by about four years. At the same time, he also thought that sometimes it was an instinct to take care of and protect what was his.

Together they headed to the table and Y/N was ready to burst when he pulled out the chair for her, giving her a soft smile and heading over to sit down across her. Something about Jungkook being so gentle always amazed her. One would think he was one of those bad boys, showing her tricks on how to finish up work faster, wearing leather jackets, ripped jeans, biting lips, intense gazes and riding a bad ass motorcycle. But then, there was also him, putting a helmet on her for safety, pulling her coat tighter against the cold, holding her hand while walking on the streets, giving her soft smiles and hugs.

“You’re going to just stare at me or you’re going to order something?” Jungkook asked suddenly and that was when Y/N noticed a menu sitting on the table right under her nose. Jungkook was already looking through his and she bowed her head in embarrassment.

“Ye-, Yeah.” she stuttered opening up the menu and looking through all the colorful pictures. Y/N realised that with all the preparation she had done for this date, she had completely forgotten about feeding herself.

“Have you decided on something?” she asked him, looking up from her menu to see him flipping through the same pages over and over again.

“No. Have you?” Jungkook asked her and she nodded. She had in fact decided on a dish but there was a small complication.

“But. The problem is the serving they’re offering is too much and I won’t be able to finish it.” she blushed, her eyes slipping to the menu by instinct.

To further her embarrassment Jungkook laughed out loud and clear before shaking his head. “Baby, you don’t have to worry about that, I’ll share with you okay? Order whatever you want.” he smiled.

After a mumbled okay, Y/N placed her order and waited for Jungkook to place his, but he simply sent the waiter away.

While they waited, Jungkook asked her how she liked the new city, having only moved there three months ago. While she hadn’t really toured much owing to her work habits and the need for lazying every weekend, she could come to a conclusion that life in this new city was quite hectic. Every morning she’d have to travel an hour to reach office, while back in her quiet hometown, such time would get you to the outskirts of the city. Being new to the corporate world in a new city with new people was very nerve wracking and she was still getting used to it. Jungkook listened to her patiently and gave her hilarious reactions and she could never forget the shock on his face when she’d told him that back in her home town the maximum time one could be stuck in traffic was five minutes tops.

“No way! Are there even people in your hometown?!” He said, with his jaw hanging low and eyes the size of a bunny.

She laughed and continued with such stories and hadn’t even realised when the food was served. She was so fascinated with the way his eyes seemed to be fixed into hers, and the way he seemed so interested in just listening to her. It was when he’d raised his eyebrows and asked her, “How is it?” had she realised that he’d fed her a spoon from the dish she had ordered and was asking her how she’d liked it.

Her cheeks flushed a deep red, because of the fact that Jungkook had just fed her when she hadn’t even realised and also because she couldn’t remember what it tasted like because she was so mesmerized by the chocolate eyes she was looking at.

“It’s really good.” she muttered anyway and Jungkook gave her a knowing smile before picking up the spoon and taking a bite as well. It must’ve tasted really good as his eyes lit up and he quickly stuffed himself with another loaded spoon.

“Here.” he fed her more spoonfuls and Y/N didn’t feel awkward in the slightest. If she had thought he couldn’t be much more of a gentlemen before, she thought this was the most endearing thing that could ever happen to her. At one point she had picked up her own spoon and started feeding herself because Jungkook seemed keen on feeding her the entire thing and he looked as though he was full just by watching her.

The meal before them finished in no time and Jungkook ordered for another serving which Y/N thought might’ve have happened anyway. She knew Jungkook had a huge appetite and if she was being completely honest, she absolutely loved that fact. It was something she had gotten from her mother, cooking in huge quantities and feeling the ultimate satisfaction when people would still lick the dishes clean. In a moment of teenage fantasy, she imagined cooking for him while he watched her from across the kitchen counter.

The second serving arrived in lesser time and Y/N had to keep reminding Jungkook to eat because he was so excited in telling her about Tomorrow’s land that he wanted to visit one day.

“Yes, the party is so huge and the music is crazy! And the theme is different every year. How awesome is that? One day I’m going to save enough money to go there!” He exclaimed while Y/N nodded. She wasn’t really a huge fan of partying, but if Jungkook ever did go to this event, she wished she would too, just so she could see his eyes sparkling in excitement.

And like that they’d finished the entire meal and Y/N felt a fuzzy warmth building inside her. “Now, it’s time to satisfy the sweet tooth you’ve got.” Jungkook grinned, taking her hand and pulling her back into the brightly lit store of Kavanah. She immediately skid over to the huge display of pastries, ogling at each and failing to decide on one. A whole minute later, Jungkook nudged her shoulder and chuckled.

“Have you settled on one yet?” He asked, his eyes glancing to the display. Her eyes instantly found the mouth watering mud cake sat inside the air conditioned display and she practically drooled.

Pulling away, she tossed him a look. “Guess which one I’m thinking of getting.” she grinned. Jungkook’s eyebrows shot up in a challenge and he slowly skimmed through all the options in front of him, until his eyes found one.

“This one, the blueberry cheese cake.” He said, and Y/N couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. She shook her head softly.

“Oh, my bad.” Jungkook chuckled before pulling out a menu from the counter. “But I do know, what you would like to have more than these.” he handed her the menu and Y/N’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god, how can I get a pastry when they have sundaes here!” she squealed and Jungkook stared at her fondly. While her order was the quickest thing ever, Jungkook noticed how she was shifting her weight from one foot to the other and he just knew that she was tired at that point.

“Hey, I’ll get this. Why don’t you go wait at the table, you left your purse there so you should be looking out for it. And I don’t want anyone stealing our seats.” He suggested, knowing she’d never agree if he told her to sit down because he knew she was tired.

As expected her eyes grew wide when realisation dawned. A few minutes after their order was placed in front of him, he had already paid and was watching Y/N waiting at their table patiently.

“Tada!” he laughed, placing the sweet delicacy right under her nose and she immediately dug in. Another thing Jungkook had noticed was that Y/N never paid attention to anything else when a brownie was involved. He watched her savour the first few bites without giving a damn about his presence and it amused him that she could enjoy her food that passionately. Even if it was in small quantities.

“You’re so adorable, it’s making me fall for you.” He whispered and she stuffed another piece of brownie and chocolate into her mouth.

Chuckling, he reached out to the dessert before it was too late. “Hey, you’re supposed to be sharing with me! Let me take a bite.” Jungkook whined before he dug into it. Apparently, when he meant a bite, it meant a whole half. And even if Y/N wanted to have more of it, she was just too full and close to bursting.

Y/N knew she was sleepy when she clutched onto Jungkook as he led her back to his bike.

“Wait a second, my bike won’t start.” Jungkook looked up at her horrified as soon as she’d touched his shoulders to get on. She immediately jolted out of the slight stupor she was in and watched him try to kick start it twice, thrice.

“Not happening, Y/N could you climb down once. I’ll try starting it up again.” Jungkook asked and she slid off the bike and took a few steps back. When he tried it again, the Harley immediately roared to life and Y/N frowned at it.

“I think I figured it out. This only happens when you’re around my bike Y/N. Maybe we should take the taxi next time but what if the tires get punctured?” Y/N slapped Jungkook’s arm as hard as she could and Jungkook burst out laughing. She knew he was talking about the cab tire going flat as soon as she got on, during their trip. Ever since, he would pull this prank on her, faking how things would stop working as soon as she touched them.

“You’re so mean.” Y/N huffed, and crossed her arms pouting.

“And you’re adorable, come here.” He pulled her closer and gave her a giant warm hug melting away her pout into a huge, shy smile.

She didn’t even complain when he took off his jacket and made her wear it because the night was becoming colder and he didn’t want her catching a cold. The roads were empty and this time she rested her head on his back. His warmth felt wonderful against her cold cheeks and she snuggled into him closer and held his waist tighter. The musky fragrance from his jacket and his shirt put her in a haze, making her take deep breaths to get more of it. If Jungkook had noticed, he hadn’t said anything and at that point she was in no control of her actions.

When she felt him coming to a stop, she looked up to see her house she and Hoseok rented together. But it was the end of the ride and she didn’t want to let go, so she tightened her grip on Jungkook.

“Baby you’re sleepy, it’s cold and late, you need to go in.” Jungkook cooed, clutching her hands around his waist and pulling them apart. If it was up to her she would’ve stayed that way the whole night, but she knew she had to let go because of a reason that she couldn’t quite remember. But she knew it was right.

With a big whine she let go of him and slid off the bike, moving to take off his jacket, but he stopped her. He brought the ends of the zipper together and zipped it up high, patting her shoulders as if admiring the fit on her. He then pulled out a paper bag and Y/N could make out the logo of the restaurant they’d just left and she wondered what it was.

Pressing it into her hand, he walked her back to the door, silently watching as she pulled out the key and opened the lock. Hoseok was already asleep she assumed or was pretending to be, because as per his words, things might go onto a different level and he wouldn’t want to walk in on them doing it.

When she got in, she turned back to Jungkook who stood at the door smiling softly at her before he pulled her in for a long hug. He nodded to the paper bag in her hand and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“I know you didn’t eat much, but in case you wake up hungry in the night, just have that okay?” He asked cupping her cheeks and bending to her height to look into her eyes. When she nodded, he pressed another kiss to her forehead and stepped outside.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” he stroked her cheek once and ushered her inside. She watched him leave from the window, sighing and pressing her nose to his jacket.

When she woke up three hours later, clutching Jungkook’s jacket, she instinctively reached over to her phone to check the time. There were also two texts from Jungkook.

Thank you for today, baby. Whatever we call this night, I want more. I had a wonderful time and I hope you did too.

She hid her face in his jacket as though shying away from Jungkook himself. That moment was cut short when her stomach grumbled and she immediately retrieved the paper bag Jungkook had given her, surprised that she’d put it in the refrigerator. What greeted her from the neatly wrapped box surprised her even more.

A slice of the mud cake.

As she bit into it, her eyes scanned his second text.

P.S.: I know you too well, I never get it wrong.

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