#I also found out something absolutely devastating that i think may be my final straw!!

[angelbambifemme]

ok chat I think I'm getting too mentally ill right now!!

[mandoalorian]

Return of the Jedi [Max Lord x gn!Reader]

Summary: You and Alistair are heartbroken when you find out opening week tickets for Return of the Jedi have sold out. So Maxwell calls an old friend and organises a special surprise for his little family.

Warnings: food mention

Word count: 2000>

Author’s note: I received a request to write a Maxwell Lord x neurodivergent!Reader from @smoldjarin . They provided me with so much information in regards to autism, stimming, hyperfixations and more. I had so much joy writing this and I hope you find joy in reading it too. I couldn’t have done this without Melissa. I just hope I done it justice. (PS— I wanted to include Melissa’s love for Star Wars in this. I think we all, as Pedro stans, love Star Wars).

Maxwell wanted to pull his hair out. He had no idea what you and Alistair were yapping on about, but, evidently, it was something you both felt very passionate about. He’d seen you enthusiastic like this before, sure, but this was the first time he’d ever seen Alistair so hyped up. His brown eyes were gleaming as he hopped up and down.

“He literally said ‘I am your father!’ you laughed and Alistair let out a long groan.

“Yeah but he’s the bad guy! And the bad guys always lie,” Alistair explained — and that statement alone was enough to make Maxwell frown. ‘The bad guys always lie’ ... Ironic, to say the least. But, Alistair did make an excellent point. “I don’t trust him.”

You giggled and pulled Alistair into your lap. You’d never found it easy, touching people and being so close to them, but Alistair has grown to be an exception. He was like a son to you.

“Well, I suppose all will be revealed next week.” you told the ebony haired boy, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

You and Alistair got along really well, and Maxwell couldn’t be more grateful, but it was the moments when you both babbled on about Star Wars that had him feeling the most clueless. Granted, he hadn’t found the chance to sit through the movies, but he wanted to because he knew how much it meant to you and his son.

He was also made blissfully aware that the third and final instalment of the trilogy was being released next week, because you and Ali couldn’t stop talking about it. Even in the moments when Alistair wasn’t there, you expressed your excitement to Maxwell. He found it endearing though. He loved it when you talked about your interests and current hyper-fixations. Which is why his heart broke when you read the Friday morning paper and found out all the tickets for opening week were sold out.

Max, despite having no interest in Star Wars, was devastated when he saw the look on your face. He especially didn’t want to be the person who had to break the bad news to Alistair.

“I was really looking forward to it.” You mumbled sadly, your eyes fixated on your cereal. You only had a little left to eat, but truthfully, you’d lost all appetite. These movies and this franchise meant the absolute world to you, and now no doubt you’d have the final movie spoiled for you at work or by the television.

“Oh darling,” Maxwell hummed, wrapping his strong arms around you and holding you tight. You relished in his warmth and found yourself getting lost in the comforting scent of his sweet musk cologne. “I know. And I’m sorry,” the silence between you both broke his heart. “Don’t worry honey, I’ll fix this.”

You weren’t sure how he could possibly fix this. There were simply no more seats available in the movie theatres. He couldn’t just spawn in more seats. What Maxwell Lord did have though, was power, influence and money— and when he put his mind to something, he was sure to get it done. You had never met anyone more determined than him.

He didn’t want to leave you that morning, but duty called and he had to go to work. You tried your hardest to push through the day, ignoring this morning’s revelation. You opted to meet up with a friend at the park, and got ice cream. But when you’re friend told you they’d got tickets, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. You deserved these tickets. It just wasn’t fair.

Maxwell was struggling to focus on his work too. He was running out of bright ideas, but he didn’t just want his statement from this morning to be another empty promise. He actually wanted to fix this. He’d do anything to make you and Alistair happy.

Then it struck him. If his life was a kids cartoon, an illuminated lightbulb would’ve popped above his head. He buzzed his assistant, Raquel, into his office.

“Mr. Lord?” she smiled, walking towards his pine wood desk. Maxwell combed his fingers through his golden locks of hair and looked up at the blonde girl.

“Do I know anyone who is in the uh— the new Star Wars movie?” He inquired.

Raquel was expecting some question about the latest oil numbers, or a request for more supplements — so to say she was taking aback by her boss’ query was an understatement.

She thought for a moment. “Well, Harrison Ford has been a long time investor for Black Gold. He attended last year’s charity gala. Do you remember?”

Of course Maxwell remembered. How could one forget about being in the presence of Hollywood A-Lister Harrison Ford? “Harrison’s in Star Wars?” Maxwell quizzed, trying to hide his piqued curiosity. “Bring me his number. I have to make a call.”

———

Maxwell was so excited to get home and share the good news with you and Alistair. You greeted him just as you normally did, with a loving embrace and a gentle kiss.

“How was your day sweetheart?” your boyfriend asked, smoothing out your hair.

You shrugged. “Fine I s’pose,” you told him. “How was work?”

Maxwell’s grin only grew. “Bring Alistair in.” he beamed.

You called for the boy who had been playing with his action figures in his bedroom. His mom had dropped him off about an hour before Maxwell got home. You and Ali snuggled into each other on the crushed velveteen sofa as Maxwell paced backwards and forwards. It wasn’t nervous pacing though, he was bubbling with anticipation.

“I hope you’re all excited for tomorrow night,” Maxwell began, before flashing three pristine Return of the Jedi tickets before yours and Alistair’s eyes. “Because I met with my good friend Han Solo for lunch and he has given us access to a private screening on Sunday night. So we get to see the movie before the rest of the world.”

You felt like you were in a dream. He’d done it. He’d actually fixed it. You didn’t know how and you knew better than to question him, but it didn’t matter because he somehow managed to fix this and it was all to you and Alistair. You’d found it so hard to find someone who loved you for you, who didn’t mind your stims and who encouraged your hyperfixations. But Maxwell was that man and you couldn’t believe how lucky you had gotten.

Alistair bounced up and jumped on his dad, almost knocking him over in the process. Maxwell wrapped his arms around the six year old and picked him up.

“Daddy! Thank you thank you thank you!” he squealed, unable to contain his ecstatic grin. “I had no idea you were friends with Han Solo!”

Maxwell smiled. “Oh yeah, me and Han go way back. I used to co pilot with him on the—“ Maxwell paused for a second as he tried to recall what Harrison told him. He had to get this right. “—Millennium Falcon?”

Both yours and Alistair’s jaw dropped. Gods, he was good at this. Maxwell may have been a brilliant businessman but he was an even better father.

“Does that mean you know Luke and Leia too?” Alistair asked.

“Oh yes.” Maxwell nodded, despite having no idea who Luke and Leia were.

“And Chewbacca?”

Chewbacca? Maxwell thought. What kind of name was that? Never the less he smiled and nodded. “Absolutely.”

“And Artoo and Threepio?”

Maxwell blinked. “Yep.” he replied through gritted teeth.

“Wow daddy,” Alistair hummed, snuggling into his dad’s chest. “I’m so excited.”

Maxwell dropped Alistair the ground and kneeled to his level. “You should put on your jammies and have an early night. That way, tomorrow will come around quicker.”

“Okay!” Alistair agreed enthusiastically before running back into his bedroom.

“And remember Ali!” Maxwell called. He cleared his throat and pointed his finger. “I am your father.”

That was it. That was the last straw. You’d tried your hardest to hold back your laughter as Max humoured his son, but seeing your boyfriend do a Darth Vader impression was something else.

Max sighed and sat down next to you, pulling your body into his lap. “I love you so much, my dear.”

You grinned and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you too. I can’t believe you did all of this.” you revealed.

“I always keep my promises.” he replied with the most genuine smile.

———

The movie was a success, and even Maxwell enjoyed it, which was very unexpected.

“I can’t believe Darth Vader was telling the truth,” Alistair sighed, exasperated. It had been a long day for sure, and his cheeks were still rosy with excitement. “I’m so glad Darth Vader isn’t my dad.”

Maxwell tutted.

“But he turned good in the end,” You smiled, taking Ali’s hand. “He saw what truly mattered. He had to save his son.”

Yeah, the parallels between Vader and Luke and Maxwell and Alistair were interesting to say the least.

“Daddy, who was your favourite character?” Alistair asked.

Maxwell thought for a moment. “I liked that guy in the green armour, he was cool. He sorta reminds me of, well, me.”

“Boba Fett?” Alistair quirked an eyebrow. “Oh daddy, no one is as cool as Boba Fett.”

Maxwell feigned a gasp. “Not even your old

man?”

Alistair giggled and rolled his eyes. “I liked the Ewok!” he announced and then tugged on your hand. “Who did you like?”

“I like Leia,” you beamed. “She’s strong and beautiful...”

“Just like you.” Maxwell whispered, brushing his

lips against yours.

The night came to an end and you couldn’t have been happier. As you lay in bed, you thanked Maxwell for all he had done. He was truly the best boyfriend in the world. He loved you so much, and he swore in that moment, as you fell asleep in his arms, that the next promise he’d make would be a promise to himself.

He was going to marry you.

———

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[i-like-writting-sometimes]

Yesterday (24th of June 2019), I went to bed and, as I sometimes do, I opened the YouTube app to listen to music before going to sleep – I don’t have any downloaded music in my phone because of lack of space so, yeah, I do that. As usual, I scrolled down to see if there was any video or music that interested me at the time, and I found a video named “50 Minutes to Save the World”.

Now, I’ve always been interested in Ambiental issues, and always had some conscience about pollution since I was a kid – the kindergarten I went to made/makes (it’s still running and still conscious of the global issue) sure every kid that went there was educated about global warming, pollution and ways to recycle and reuse stuff.

My grandmother even told me – and I have no memory of this, that’s how young I was at the time – that, once, me and my family were at a café and a man ordered a coffee. In Portugal, where I live, when you ask for a coffee, the waitresses give you a tiny paper bag with sugar so you can add it if you want. Now, my grandmother tells me that, right when I see the man throwing the paper bag to the floor after using it, I pointed to him and said really loud “You don’t do that!!”. With the man looking at me, my mother made me quiet down, afraid that he would get angry or something, but my grandmother noticed that he was very embarrassed instead and ended up picking the paper bag from the floor.

I grew up still worried and conscious about pollution. At the age of what? 7? 8? I remembered being with my dad, in the car, and telling him how idiot the human race could be, as it was killing itself by polluting, because that would increase the global warming and ended up affecting us too. At the age of 11/12 I joined the Ecology Club and, as long as I went to that school, I went to almost every meeting, even going to events with my colleagues (I had no notion of how bad ass that was at my time, actually. I wish the high-school I went to had more publicity for the many clubs it supposedly has).

I never stopped caring about the planet, even when all my colleagues would throw trash to the floor claiming they were “giving a job to the street cleaners”. Hell, I yelled at a friend for throwing trash to the floor and made him pick it up and put it to the plastic bin. Even when nobody around me seemed to care at least as much as I do, I never stopped caring.

Could I do more? Yes, absolutely, and I wish I could simply correct all the things that affect the world in a negative way just with a snap, with one radical change, but the truth is that I don’t have enough capital to do that. Plastic free stuff are still a bit expensive to my family, and seems a bit hard to find at a price that we can afford; and I can’t donate to big organizations because 1) I have trust issues with money, I barely trust myself, honestly; and 2) I usually prefer to have that money so I can help my family with some other things.

But that doesn’t stop me. It’s just like in the movie “The Princess and the Frog” – you gotta work for it to come true, the wish doesn’t come true for itself. And I’m taking baby steps – I bought my own bamboo toothbrush and straws, and I’m planning meals to eat more vegetables so my body will accept a vegetarian eating habit in a less radical and, (in my point of view), more healthy way, giving me time to learn about what I can eat, and how to manage the nutrients and stuff. And I’m getting more conscious about what I consume every day.

And, on top of all that, I’m finally surrounded with people who also care about these things! All my friends are conscious, and although some are more negative than me, we all are trying to take baby steps and change the world. My best friend just bought her metal straws, and another is going to buy her own bamboo toothbrush. We all have our own reusable water bottles and share information about products and ways to recycle and reuse stuff with each other – I’m really proud of them, as you can see, and also proud of me for surrounding myself with these people.

Yet, I know it’s not enough, there’s a lot of stuff I need to change as an individual, and, mostly, actions that need to be made by a collective group. It’s my wish that my actions, and mostly my ideas, will affect society and make the world a better place.

The thing is, I still have a lot of things to learn about this situation.

Even I, who has always cared about the future, the planet and the life in it, who does not want to go to Mars or any place out of this Earth to live, still am not educated enough to have practical ideas to propose to the government, nor do I understand how politics work (I feel like I’m a peasant from medieval times, basically). There’s still people and organizations’ work I need to investigate, crafts that I need to discover and share with my friends, local shops I need to go and consume, propositions and ideas to be written down and discussed and very little time.

So little time, it fucking scares me – I’m not ok, all this situation gives me stress on a daily basis. I was in a Drawing class, me and my friends discussing global warming, when one of them tells me that no matter how many trees we plant they won’t be enough to recover from the damage of the ozone layer. I physically froze, right there. I looked at him in the eyes and, just like I was a child again, I asked him “Really?”. And he confirmed it. I nearly cried in front of my friends because of how hopeless I felt in that moment, while they kept talking and eventually changed topic. I went home after that class completely devastated, depressed.

It took me a few hours to recompose myself and convince me that there were still other things that could be done. I thought that I could still do it in other ways, and still keep that hope with me, every single day.

After watching Amir Zakeri’s video, I felt it physically. My head started hurting, and all I could think was that there was still the possibility of the biggest fear of my 9 years old me coming true: world destruction/world’s ending – and I don’t want that to happen, neither does anybody.

So, hopefully Amir Zakeri didn’t make a video form nothing and neither did I shared it and write all this for nothing! I hope that after reading this, you too will be more aware of what’s happening and starting take baby steps like me. There is a lot of things that can be done!

Starting now, you can share the video that I shared, or this text, or even other kinds of media that will educate you about this issue. Even if you can’t do everything that there is to be done, there are some other people who can, but maybe don’t know about it. So, by sharing information, the possibilities it will reach them, and they will help in ways that you understandably can’t, rise. The more people who know, the more people will start taking actions and choices to help make the world a better place, making easier that others will too!

Also, you should search for activists and organizations and try to support their work in any way possible! The video of Amir Zakeri makes many references about organisations that are working on restoring and protecting the coral reefs. Search them, follow them in your social media platforms and soon, thanks to an algorithm, more accounts of other similar organisations and information on the topic of coral reefs and ecology will start to appear on your explore page.

Learn from whatever you find and start acting! Life is about experiences and learning from that same experiences so you can be better! Start by trying to do small things and slowly you will grow to be affecting the world in a positive way. If many individuals around the world start to do small changes, if we gather all the work of these people it will make one big difference. We don’t need people to have a perfect zero-waste lifestyle, we need everyone, or at least a hell lot of people, to have an imperfect one.

So, start acting in any way you can, and never think that everybody already knows about this. People may have an idea, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg, there’s always more to learn. But also, don’t be mean to people who don’t know/understand this threat. Instead, teach them about it, and they may join you in this cause! I, myself still have a LOT to learn, a LOT of activists to search for (I barely know one or two), but I’m still trying to do the best I can.

[vexation-virgil]

Colors (Part 6)

Fandom: Sanders Sides (Soulmate AU) Pairings: Prinxiety, mentions of Logicality Warnings: General angst, cursing, panic attack(As always, if there is anything that needs tagged, let me know!) Summary: Everyone knows when you meet your soulmate, the world is supposed to fill with color for the both of you. Unfortunately for Roman Patrick, that is not always the case.

Taglist(!!): @pendragonqueen09, @anaveragegayfan,@stillebesat, @anxious-but-whatever, @applecannibal,@pikachu-12, @your-username-is-unavailable, @inkblotsanddoodles

A/N: Look! I finally did it! It took me forever and a day but I DID IT. Anyway, I had a bumpy couple of weeks which kind of put this on hold but I am very excited!

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 You are Here PART 7 PART 8 PART 9 PART 10  PART 11 PART 12

It felt a little easier for Roman to breathe now that he had someone that he was able to talk to someone about what was going on with his life. When he had told Patton, the older boy had cried with him and held him tight while assuring him it was going to work out just fine. Patton had also shown up the next day with two dozen cookies for him with the excuse that he had months to make up for - each decorated with a different color as a way to try and celebrate the whole devastating experience.

Logan was doing research, finding out if it was possible for someone to ignore that immediate bond with their soulmate. For weeks of searching, he hadn’t found anything giving a definitive answer on either side of the argument. Which was both a little disheartening and incredibly encouraging. Plus, it was nice for Roman to be reminded how much his brother cared, even if it was in his own way.

Virgil… Virgil was warming up.

Roman wasn’t sure how else to put it. They talked in class now, they left together, they spent more time in the library and at rehearsals - Roman found himself extremely glad that his lilac-haired friend had decided to stay on the crew backstage, even if at times he served as more of a distraction for Roman than the usual member of the crew. Virgil seemed more comfortable with him, seemed more relaxed, and he smiled.

That smile could light up the whole world, Roman was sure of it, even with how rare it came. Always in private, always quickly hidden with his hand, but still it was practically burned into Roman’s memory and fueled his dreams of their future together.

The production was moving closer, Hell Week had begun, and it felt like Roman never left the school these days. He was in class or he was on the stage or he was doing homework by the light of the stage manager’s podium with Virgil hanging over his back and peaking at his answers (Logan would scold him for allowing it, but Roman was too weak to deny him). It was consistent and it was nice, but it was exhausting. The closer they got to the end of the week, the more it could be seen on their faces and in their attitudes. Spending months on ends with people could be grating enough, but toss in exhaustion and people started to get more harsh than on average.

Roman should’ve noticed his own annoyance rising towards the end of the week, taken a break and separated from his peers long enough to get a couple of minutes to himself when he started to feel a little snappy at the little things. Someone took too long to change the set, someone was talking too loud in the audience, someone had taken his favorite pen. It was too easy to set him off with the week coming to an end and the final straw, unluckily, had been over something that Roman would’ve overlooked on any other day.

Friday afternoon was leading up to one last rehearsal before Roman was released from the chains of his role for two days before the week of performances. Now, Roman loved the theatre and he loved the role he was given and he loved being able to put on a show for the audience, but he was exhausted. He just wanted a short nap before he had to be ready to run the show twice through tonight.

It was going swimmingly, absolutely divine in the dark of the workshop bay that held furniture used in old productions in the short time between the bell and the beginning of rehearsals. All Roman wanted was thirty minutes of undisturbed quiet so that he was at the top of his game and ready to go. But, he didn’t get even five minutes before someone came crashing in.

The lights went up and somewhere in the workshop he could hear someone quite literally crashing up against something. Roman groaned in frustration and shot up from the couch he was laying on to go and find the commotion, ready to attack whoever decided to disturb his slumber.

“You must be new, here! In the time before our rehearsal, the lights here stay off so that the talent -” Roman threw his hands up dramatically as he weaved through the discarded set pieces “- may put on the best performance possible. Now, if would kindly retreat much more quietly than you came and turn off the lights as you go, it would very much be appreciated and I wouldn’t have to att--.”

Roman cut himself off as he drew closer to the source of the crash. A couple of props had been knocked over by someone who now seemed to be crouched on the floor behind one of the pieces. Their shoulders were shaking from what Roman could see and he could hear their breathe going in and out harshly as if they were hyperventilating. He rounded the corner slowly, barely keeping himself from approaching even faster when he noticed the plaid patches on the jacket being squeezed tightly around the form on the floor. “Virgil?” He asked, voice quiet as he kneeled to be eye level with him.

Virgil’s head shot up, his signature dark makeup streaking down his cheeks, and Roman was sure that if the other’s back wasn’t already pressed against a prop, he would’ve forced himself further back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he muttered, hands coming up to pull at the purple strands with pale fingers. “I didn’t - I didn’t - I didn’t mean to… I didn’t think anyone was going to be in here, no one is ever in here. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, Hey, no, it’s okay, I’m not mad at you,” Roman assured him. “I wouldn’t have come out like that if I had known it was you. It’s me who’s sorry.” Virgil shook his head and sucked in another harsh breath. “No, no, no, I don’t. Fuck. I’m sorry,” he repeated as he pulled his hair even tighter in his hands. Roman found his hands drifting up, wanted to grab his hands and hold him and help him, but a flinch  from the other boy kept him from going any further. “Don’t touch me! Don’t... I can’t- Fuck. I can’t fucking breathe.”

Virgil seemed to choke on a sob and Roman felt absolutely lost on how to help his soulmate through this. He racked his brain for something, anything he could do to help Virgil through it. “Hey,” Roman whispered, remembering a discussion they’d had in his psychology class last semester. “Can you… Can you put your hand on my chest and breathe with me for a minute?” Virgil gave him an incredulous look. “I mean just put your hand here -” he placed a hand on his own chest “- and when my chest goes up, breathe in, and when it goes down, breathe out.”

The panicking boy hesitated a moment but inevitably removed a shaking hand from his hair and put it on Roman’s firm chest. It took some time, but, soon, Virgil’s breathing slowed to a normal pace and the hand on his chest relaxed. With the moment passed, Roman allowed himself to notice the way his skin seemed to burn under his soulmate’s touch. It didn’t last long though for as soon as the tension had completely left Virgil’s body, he was pulling away and wiping at the streaks of eyeshadow on his cheek.

“Jesus Christ, this is embarrassing,” he grumbled with his hands over his face while he scrubbed away what was left of the makeup. “Sorry for your screwing up your beauty rest, Princey.”

Roman grimaced and moved so that he was sitting criss-cross in front of rather than kneeling. He ran a hand through his hair before saying, “Don’t think about it, dark and stormy knight.” He forced on a smile, placing his hands on his knees and rocking back a little. “Do you want to talk about… Whatever that was?” Roman asked after another dip into silence that was only filled with sniffling from Virgil.

Across from him, the emo boy snorted as his hands dropped into his lap. “Panic attack. I get them sometimes,” he mumbled. “Mostly when I’m stressed. With the play coming up and everything, it’s just… A lot.” A pause. “Look, can you just, like, forget this whole thing happened and we can never talk about it again?”

Roman opened his mouth to protest, to argue with him about how ignoring it couldn’t be helpful, but the tired look on Virgil’s face had him snapping it back shut and nodding. The other grumbled a thanks as he pushed himself up to his feet, swatting at dirt that had clung to his dark clothing. He made a move to start picking up the set pieces he’d knocked over in his panic and Roman scrambled to his feet. “Here, let me help,” he said as grabbed Virgil’s hand to keep him from trying to pick up the larger pieces alone.

They froze and Virgil turned his face to land a scathing glare on Roman, but the look quickly twisted with confusion. His eyebrows had pulled together and the snarl of his mouth melted into a frown before he yanked his hand back from the taller. There were a couple of moments of silence as Virgil blinked, shaking his head. “Are you alright, Virgil?”

Another beat. “Yeah, I just… Thought I saw something.”

A/N: I just wanted to say that the workshop bay with furniture that people napped on was an actual thing in my theatre program. It was comfy as heck and usually pretty quiet up there.