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365days365movies · 4 years ago

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April 8, 2021: Swiss Army Man (2016) (Recap: Part One)

Don’t think about the Boy who Lived.

Daniel Radcliffe is a talented actor with a wider range than he’s given credit for. He’s been working since childhood, and has picked up quite a lot over time. While most famous for...a certain role that will go unnamed...he famously started his stage career in 2007 with the musical Equus, and that later progressed to How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, and Endgame.

Meanwhile, he also made appearances of television in varied roles, live-action and animated. He started his career in an adaptation of David Copperfield in 1999, voiced a character on The Simpsons three separate times, hosted Saturday Night Live in 2012, and also currently has an excellent role in the anthology series Miracle Workers.

And MEANWHILE, he also had quite the robust film career, especially after...the role which shall not be named. There were a few films made during that time period, like December Boys and The Woman in Black, but most of his time was understandably taken up, as was his public image. That, of course, ends in 2011. The first time I saw him in a role outside he who shall not be named was in the film Kill Your Darlings, about the collegiate career and romance in the life of famous gay poet Allen Ginsburg. It was very good!

The same year, 2013, he starred in Horns, a unique fantasy film that I considered watching for Fantasy March. His film career would be full of ups (The F Word, Trainwreck, Lost in London) and downs (Victor Frankenstein, Now You See Me 2, Playmobil: the Movie oh God REALLY JESUS). And right in the middle of those came one of his most famous weird roles. And that’s today’s focus. And I’ve been wanting to watch it for YEARS. And while we’re talking about him, let’s talk about this film’s other star: Paul Dano.

Dano’s career also began young, and in the opposite way to Radcliffe’s: in theatre first. After a stint on Broadway at the age of 12 (GODDAMN) in Inherit the Wind, as well as several other productions, he transitioned to film in 2000, around the same time that Radcliffe started as well. Eventually, he gained acclaim with his role in Little Miss Sunshine, and then...anybody else in the mood for a milkshake right about now?

Yeah, I haven’t seen that movie, but I really should this year. Consider it on my list...at some point. I’ll figure it out. Anyway, Dano’s role in There Will Be Blood only increased his acclaim, and found him acting in a number of indie films. Dano’s definitely not a blockbuster guy, but that’s not to say that he completely avoids them either. He’s been in Knight and Day, Cowboys and Aliens, and Looper, which all fall under that category. And except for the last one...they aren’t especially good, either.

But again, he was also in 12 Years a Slave, Okja, Wildlife, Where the Wild Things Are, and Meek’s Cutoff, and all of those were critically acclaimed, and some almost reached blockbuster status themselves. So I don’t really know how to feel about his upcoming role as...the Riddler.

Yeah, we’ll see, but I’m holding my breath. Dano’s great, and I love the Riddler, but...I dunno. Like I said, we’ll see. But in the meantime, that’s enough navel-gazing. Let’s watch Swiss Army Man! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin at sea. If you have thalassophobia, this is already terrifying for you. After seeing many plastics floating on the ocean, covered in written messages, we make our way to a deserted island, where Hank Thompson (Paul Dano) is committing suicide after being stranded there for so long.

However, as he does, he spies someone lying on the beach. The rope snaps, and Hank runs over to greet the body, hoping that he isn’t dead. Unfortunately, after a very loud burst of flatulence, it’s pretty damn clear that this is a dead body. And yes, this is Daniel Radcliffe, but I’ll introduce him formerly when the time comes.

Hank’s sad that the guy isn’t alive, but still speaks to him about his hopes and dreams in the past. He’d always wanted a life of parties and friends and love, and imagined that he’d see that kind of life in a flash before he died. Instead, he only saw the body, who responds with yet another fart. But with that, Hank goes back to trying to hang himself.

And as he does...the body keeps interrupting with its INSANE gas. Like, it’s so bad that the body keeps shaking as if it were alive. The body washes into the sea, and its flatulence begins to propel it away from the shore. Hank sees this, and he uses the humming he was doing to make the Intro Song, which is strangely mesmerizing? Like, literally soundtrack-worthy, I’m not kidding. He also grabs a piece of his noose, uses it to grab onto the body, and rides it as the farts propel them both far away from the beach. It’s absolutely absurd...and kind of great. And then the titles play.

Hank wakes up on the short of a different island, or possible a larger land mass, and is overjoyed by the change in scenery. He shouts his name to the world, and credits the body with his rescue. No longer stranded in the Pacific, as far as we know, he tries to use his phone, to no avail. He decides to head out and look for help, grabbing a bag of Cheetos that washed up alongside them, bids the body farewell...and then comes back for it.

Carrying the farting body on his back (and kind of treating him as if he’s alive), he wanders through the forest to find help. He wonders if the gas is the result of decomposition (likely, if excessive), or if its the body’s soul leaving it. Either way, the trudge forward. They settle in a cave for the night, as it rains heavily outside. As Hank is want to do, he hums to himself, and shares more of his personal life with the body, as he sings to it. And yeah, I’ve been linking to these songs, because the soundtrack is genuinely fascinating to me.

Morning comes, and Hank awakes to a raccoon prying at the body, which he subsequently chases for food. In his desperation for food and water, he’s once again about to leave the body in the cave, but notices it leaking copious amounts of water from its mouth, which it had collected from the cave walls overnight. And yes...he drinks it. Which is absolutely disgusting when you think about it, which I now choose NOT to.

In the process, Hank squeezes the body for more water, and air escapes his mouth in such a way that it sounds like it’s speaking a name: Manny (Daniel Radcliffe). From that, Hank gets the body to speak his name and a simple greeting, but grows frustrated from the inability of the body to speak properly. This leads to him being a bit abusive towards him, reminding him unfavorably of his own father. Ooh, character revelations, me like.

Anyway, he apologizes to Manny for treating him that way...and Manny responds. Which FREAKS HANK THE FUCK OUT, understandably, and he punches Manny and flees the cave. As he comes back, Manny is indeed speaking outright, which is either a miracle or Hank just straight-up hallucinating. Either way, Hank asks Manny to try and remember his past life, but all he can get is the vague recollection of the Jurassic Park theme song. But Manny can’t remember the movie itself, which is when Hank says the most correct line ever said in all of film.

You’re goddamn right. Anyway, from, there, Hank tries to teach Manny about the ways of the world, and the nature of life and death. And the resulting conversation is absolutely fuckin’ ridiculous, and I love it all. Through the process, Manny learns about the world, and Hank asks him to help get home.

In the process, Manny inadvertently insults Hank, causing to walk off and once again look for help, only to eat poison berries and throw up for a sec. The two reunite, and their conversation turns to the topic of sex. See, there are some magazines in the cave that they’re in, which prompts some questions about women, sex, and love. To both of their surprise, this conversation causes Manny’s heart to beat! Spurred on, Hank continues, and Manny’s heart appears to reawaken...as does his penis. That’s a link to the soundtrack, I promise.

Hank and Manny both freak out, as his little Manny seems to have a mind (and motility) of its own. But in the ever absurd nature of this movie’s premise, this too has a secondary function: it’s a compass. Yup. And that prompts the next step of their journey, which is full of a conversation about fetishes and masturbation. Yeah, Hank’s surprised about that, too.

This leads to a conversation about his parents, as well as somewhat traumatic parts of his childhood, including his mother’s premature death. This makes Hank upset, and he lashes out at Manny, who briefly returns to being dead until Hank apologizes. As they go on, however, they encounter another denizen of the forest: a bear. This causes the two to fall off a cliff, and causes Hank’s phone to fall out of his pocket and turn on, allowing Manny to see the picture of a girl on his background.

Manny’s enraptured by the picture, and constantly asks to see her again, as Hank continues to struggle for food. The problem is that Hank needs to conserve the power on the phone, but Manny asks if Hank can dress up as the girl in order to help him remember, and bring him back to life to help save them both. He does so reluctantly, but Manny calls him beautiful, to which Hank reacts positively. This not only helps Manny come to life a little more, but also leads Hank to shave to look more convincing for Manny...and possibly for Hank, too.

As these two engage on a fake date and create a fake bus (while Manny listens to a fake self-sung cover of Cotton Eye Joe that I’m putting on my playlist), this is a good time to mention the one thing I know about this movie...maybe. I don’t quite remember where I heard this, but I have heard that this film is possibly a commentary on the transgender experience, or at the very least that Hank is transgender, but hasn’t come to terms with that as of yet. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I have heard that, and I’m definitely interested to see if that’s the direction this goes. This scene definitely seems to somewhat confirm this theory. Also, I will say (as I have said before when watching The Danish Girl), I’m a straight dude of the cissexual sort, so this is in NO WAY in my wheelhouse, but I still figured I’d mention it.

We’re also at the halfway point now, so this would seem like a good time to pause for Part 2! See you there!

#swiss army man #daniel scheinert #daniel kwan #daniel scheinert and daniel kwan #the daniels #daniel radcliffe #paul dano #mary elizabeth winstead #comedy april #user365 #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365days365movies #365 movies a year #moviegifs #tusernyx #userpayel #usermike

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barry-j-blupjeans · 4 years ago

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@taznovembercelebration - Day 21 - College/school

BUT ALSO this is the first chapter of that blupjeans college fic i mentioned yesterday. i’ll probably post it to ao3 or something later, but yea :O!

Being in college and opening a bakery at the same time was not the smartest choice, but Lup couldn’t really stop doing one or the other. There was no way in hell she was going to waste the scholarship she had been given, but the idea of leaving her brother to open and manage a bakery by himself was ridiculous in its own rights. Still, they were only three weeks into the semester and Lup’s schedule was overbooked and crumbling apart.

And now, on top of it all, her math professor had told her to go to tutoring to make sure she was able to do the work. If he listened to one goddamn thing she said, then he’d know that she could do math perfectly fine, she just needed a little extra time to fit it in with the rest of her schedule.

Also who the fuck needed to do college-level math while getting a goddamn music degree?

Lup made her way into the campus library, already ten minutes late. She spotted a library volunteer and made her way over, putting on her best smile to hide how frazzled she was.

“Hey,” Lup said and they looked up at her. “Do you know where the uh, student-led intro to algebra study group is? We were supposed to be meeting here at three.”

“Should be in the corner over there,” the person said kindly, sitting up a little to point towards the back of the library. “Behind the whole non-fiction section.”

“Thank you so much,” Lup said, adjusting her bag and turning away. Just as the volunteer said, the study group collected back there, spread out over two tables. It only had about six people, two of whom were obviously in charge. Lup dropped herself into a chair and put her stuff down. One of the tutors looked up. Lup couldn’t help but notice how obnoxiously thick his glasses were.

“You here for the study group?” he asked and Lup nodded.

“I don’t need help,” she said before he could get another word in. “I just haven’t had time to do my assignments and my professor told me to come. I can do it by myself, thanks.”

“Oh,” the man said. “I- alright. Well, I’m here if you need anything, okay? My name’s Barry.”

“Charmed,” Lup said, not feeling charmed at all as she pulled her book out of her bag. She didn’t tell him her name. He didn’t need to know it. There was always the chance that if she did tell him her name, word would get out that she needed to come here for help. Lup knew it wasn’t high school anymore. She knew gossip didn’t travel like that and that probably no one would care if she came here, but she couldn’t shake the habit quite yet.

She tried to ignore the group as they talked. The other tutor was named Lucas and he had a nasally voice and bandaids on all his fingers. Lucas wasn’t particularly trying to hide the fact that he thought he was better than everyone here. Maybe because of that, the other students flocked towards Barry. From what Lup could tell, though, Barry wasn’t the greatest either. Don’t get her wrong, he seemed like a decent guy, tutor, whatever. But he kept asking her if she needed help. She’d always say no. Then she’d go back to work and ten minutes later, he’d be asking again.

“Hey so-” Barry started, but Lup cut in again.

“I don’t need help,” Lup said, looking up at him. That’s when she realized there was no one else besides them here. The chairs were all empty. Barry was cleaning up the table.

“I… wasn’t gonna ask,” Barry said uncomfortably. Okay, Lup felt kind of bad for that. “Everyone else went home. I was gonna go home. Just wanted to make sure you, uh, you realized.”

“Oh,” Lup said blankly. And then, “Yeah, okay. I’ll pack up, too, I guess.”

“Alright,” Barry said. The silence was terribly awkward as they both gathered their things. Even more awkward when Lup remembered that the library only had one exit and they both were heading that way. She sped up and got ahead of him, reaching the door before he said anything else.

“Uh, hey!” Barry called out and Lup cringed, pausing at the doorway. “You coming Thursday?”

“Maybe,” Lup said, which meant yes because her professor wanted her to go to at least three groups. “I’ll check my schedule and see.”

“Cool,” Barry said. “Um, see you then. Maybe, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Lup said offhandedly. “See ya, Bluejeans.”

“I- what?”

“Blue jeans,” Lup said, waving a hand at his pants. “You wear ‘em. Like… the mom-type too. Don’t expect me not to say anything about it.”

She walked away. Calling him Bluejeans was better than calling him Thick Glasses, so she didn’t feel to bad about his flustered look.

The bus ride home was okay. Well, not okay because it was a bus ride, but, still, she was used to it. Plus side was that there were fewer people than usual. She got off at the stop closest to her apartment and climbed up the stairs until reaching her door. There was a slight moment of panic where Lup couldn’t find her keys, but it was fine because they had just fallen off her keychain and into her bag.

The apartment was… still a mess. Not that she expected any different. She flicked on the lights and set her bag down near the door. She heard movement and talking from the kitchen and went to check it out.

Taako was there, hunched over some papers, talking to someone on speakerphone. His hair was a mess and he was still in pajamas, which probably meant he hadn’t left the apartment all day. There was a bowl of baby carrots near him, a half-eaten one sitting next to his papers.

“...just got home, so I gotta go,” Taako said saying. “I’ll call soon, yeah? You’re a fuckin’ miracle worker, Steven.”

“Eh, it’s all in a day’s work,” Steven’s voice said from the phone. “We’re on your side here, kiddo.”

“Not a kiddo,” Taako said, like he always did.

“Uh-huh,” Steven said, in his the same doubtful tone he always replied in. “Talk to ya soon. And get some rest, huh? Bye.”

“Bye,” Taako said, hanging up. He turned to face Lup, looking tired but happy. “How’d your study sesh go?”

“Fine, I guess,” Lup said, sitting next to him. She grabbed a few of the baby carrots from the bowl and he scowled at her. She grinned. “It was just a buncha nerds doing nerd things.”

“Bet Luce would love it,” Taako said and Lup shook her head.

“Nah, Luce is better than these nerds. Get this- one of the tutors claims that his grandfather made millions off inventing stuff. And he’s just bragging about it. He’s a fuckin’ prick, Koko.”

“Ouch,” Taako said.

“Yeah,” Lup said. “And the other dude kept asking me if I needed help every three seconds and I was like, pssh do I look like I need help? I’m only here because my professor fuckin’ made me come. Lemme work in peace.”

“Double ouch,” Taako said. “I’m sorry, Lu. I can help you if you want. Or maybe we can call up Dav and he can-”

“No,” Lup said. “I- no. You’ve got the bakery to work on, right? We need to get that set up. And Dav is probably on a business trip, who knows.”

“He’s not, actually,” Taako said, which surprised Lup. “Luce texted me earlier to tell me he came back early. There was a situation.”

“A bad situation?” Lup asked.

“Maybe,” Taako shrugged. “Luce said he hasn’t talked since he got back so I’m guessing something happened and he’s gone non-verbal for a while again.”

“Damn,” Lup said, leaning back in her chair. She took a bite of one of the baby carrots. “That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Taako said. “Brighter news, though? Steven’s helpin’ me with the business shit now.”

“For what price?” Lup asked.

“We gotta let Julia work there,” Taako said. “For experience, you know? But Maggie’s already wormed his way into our staff, so no doubt Julia was gonna end up with us anyway.”

“That’s true,” Lup said. “But hey, more hands can’t be bad, right?”

“Right,” Taako said. He shuffled through a few papers. “We’re still going with ‘For Goodness Bakes” for the name, right?”

“As long as ‘let’s bake the world a better place’ is still our tagline, for sure,” Lup said, snorting. They had come up with the name on the fly, after a night of no sleep and then never fulfilled their promise to choose something better. She shoved another baby carrot in her mouth. “What are we doing for dinner? Have you even eaten today? Besides baby carrots.”

“Baby carrots are food, Lup,” Taako said, snatching the bowl away from her. “And I have work to do.”

“Let’s get some takeout or something, then,” Lup said. “Put on a movie.”

“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2,” Taako said. “And maybe some good takeout rather than the shitty burger place down the street. We’ve fuckin’ earned it, Lulu.”

She stole the carrots back with a scowl.

#taz #The Adventure Zone #lup #taz lup #taz november celebration #mine #hope u guys like it :O!#ise cube writing

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greekgrad07 · 4 years ago

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bad reports:

{Percabeth ft. Estelle}

i am by no means a writer! this is my first (and probably last) time writing so please don’t be mean 🥺

.......

Percy loved his little sister, but he‘d never felt happier than he did right now after putting the four year old to sleep. His mom and Paul had taken a weekend trip for their anniversary and he was more than willing to watch Estelle for them. Percy had faced more monsters than he can count. A little girl couldn’t be that hard, right?

Wrong.

After only one day, consisting of tea parties, dress up, and a new blue dye stain on the kitchen counter, Percy was ready to relax on the couch and watch Parks and Rec reruns.

He was tired. Percy had no idea how his mom was able to entertain him as a single parent for all those years. One day alone with a toddler had worn him out completely. He was barely able to keep his eyes open throughout his binge watching. Yet somehow, he still loved every part of it.

Percy found himself wishing that Annabeth was here for about the thousandth time that day. Sally had originally asked the both of them to watch Estelle, but Annabeth had a paper due in two days and was stuck back at their shared apartment, working away in much needed silence. Still, Percy couldn’t help but think about how much easier it would be with her there. Estelle adored Annabeth. Percy couldn’t blame her, his girlfriend was the definition of incredible, and he loved seeing them together.

(And maybe he didn’t mind the little voice in the back of his head telling him that this could be practice for their own little girl in their future.)

Annabeth was constantly doubting her maternal skills, despite being amazing with Estelle. She was always patient with the four year old whenever she went on a tangent about her day, she knew how to comb the knots out of the girl’s hair without hurting her head, and Annabeth was always able to sooth Estelle when she was hurt. And Percy definitely could have used that last one today.

Being the son of Poseidon had many perks. One of them being that boiling water had basically no effect on Percy. Unfortunately, this isn’t something Estelle shared with her big brother. Even worse, the little girl didn’t realize that. Long story short, Estelle burned her hand while trying to mix the cheese and noodles for their macaroni together.

Of course she was hurt, but Estelle was a tough kid. She shed a few tears and yelled at the boiling water while being comforted by her big brother. Thirty minutes later, her tears had dried and the two siblings were eating their mac and cheese while watching Sofia the First. Another thirty minutes passed and Estelle was now sleeping in her room, and Percy still couldn’t get that damn Sofia theme song out of his head.

He could feel his eye getting heavy as he mumbled the song -this time in tune to the Parks and Rec intro- when the front door burst open. Percy jumped from his seat on the couch at the loud noise, suddenly wide awake. He reached into his jean pocket and pulled out Riptide just as the mystery person came into view.

“Where is she?” Annabeth demanded with a hand on her hip, grey eyes glaring up at him.

“Annabeth?” Percy felt his shoulders relax. He put his pen back into his pocket and gave his girlfriend a look of confusion, “What are you doing here? I thought you had to work on a paper.”

Annabeth just crossed her arms and glared harder, “Don’t try and change the subject, I know what you did.”

Despite the vague accusations and intimidating gaze, Percy was more than ecstatic to have Annabeth here. Still, he was very confused, “Wait, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Percy,” she warned, “You’re too good at it. Now, where is she?”

Percy wasn’t sure what he’d done, but with the look his girlfriend was giving him, he was sure he deserved it. However, before he could get another word in, a high pitched voice yelled out from behind him, “Annabeth!”

The stern look on Annabeth’s face washed away as Estelle came running towards the girl, “Guppy!”

Estelle was lifted into a hug by the older girl and laughed at her nickname. While being let down, she grinned up at her, “You came!”

“Well, of course I did!” Annabeth replied with a wide smile, “I leave you alone with Seaweed Brain for one day and I’m already getting bad reports. It would be completely irresponsible to leave you here alone with him.”

Percy watched the two in complete shock because, one, Estelle was supposed to be asleep, and two, what reports?

“Um, excuse me?” The boy finally spoke up after the girls greeted each other. Percy pointed his finger at Estelle, “You first. What are you doing awake? I put you to bed like half an hour ago.”

The young girl shrugged as she grabbed Annabeth’s hand, “I was faking. You’re very easy to trick.”

Annabeth laughed at her words and Percy’s gaze turned to her, “And you. What’s with the accusations? What are you doing here?”

“Estelle must have gotten into your drachmas because she Iris Messaged me and told me all about how you let her burn her hand,” Annabeth then knelt down to Estelle’s height, “You’re feeling better though, right?”

“Yeah and I only cried for this many minutes,” The little girl explained while holding up four fingers, “Then Percy let me yell at the water.”

“Wow, only four minutes? You’re pretty tough, aren’t you, Guppy?”

Percy watched in complete admiration at the interaction between the two. A warm feeling made its way into his chest. One day, maybe not any time soon, but one day, Percy would get to see this side of Annabeth every single day with their own kid. They’d have their own tea parties and dress up games. They’d put their kid to bed together, and hopefully their child would actually go to sleep. It would be a while, but Percy was still beaming at the mere thought of it all. Hell, he was even excited for their own kitchen disasters and toddler meltdowns.

Eventually, Estelle did have to go to sleep. Annabeth volunteered to put her down and this time they made sure she was actually asleep before leaving her alone. The two then moved to the couch where they were now cuddled up together watching tv.

“I can’t believe you came down here just to yell at me,” Percy laughed as he pulled Annabeth closer.

“No, I came down here to check on Estelle,” She turned her head to where she could see his face from laying on his shoulder, “And technically, I didn’t yell at you. I didn’t get the chance.”

“What about your paper? She shouldn’t have called you, I tried to tell her you were busy tonight-“

Annabeth shrugged as she cut him off, “It’s fine, I finished my paper an hour ago. Plus the apartment was too quiet without you, so she gave me a perfect excuse to come over.”

“Like you need an excuse,” Percy grinned at the girl before he kissed her on the head, “Are you staying for the rest of the weekend?”

“Well, obviously. Like I said, it would be completely irresponsible to leave Estelle here alone with you,” Annabeth teases with a playful grin on her face.

“You’ll be changing your tune in a few years when I’m the stay at home, trophy husband taking care of our children.”

“Oh, you’re gonna be the best trophy husband a woman could ask for,” Even though she was teasing, Percy knew she meant it, “I can’t wait.”

Neither could he.

#percabeth #percabeth headcanon #percabeth fanfiction #percabeth oneshot #percabeth fic #percy jackson #annabeth chase #estelle blofis #percabeth ft estelle #percy jackson fic #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo fic #pjo #pjo/hoo #percabeth fluff #pls be nice #percy x annabeth

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bybdolan · 5 years ago

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Rating all the songs from “Across The Universe” (2007)

Girl (7/10) – A fun intro! Nothing too special, but it’s a bit mysterious and Jim Sturgess is looking directly into my soul, so it definitely draws you into the story. The mashup with Helter Skelter plus the whole protests/wave thing is veeeery dramatic, I dig that.

Hold Me Tight (7.5/10) – A cute lil’ dance scene, some sweet character introduction that immediately highlights Jude’s and Lucy’s different lifestyles… We love to see it! Also: The casting directors really found the most American looking guy ever to play Lucy’s boyfriend (I just assume he doesn’t have a name), huh? That’s talent.

All My Loving (8/10) – It’s one of my favorite Beatles songs, so I am biased, BUT Jim Sturgess really sells it and I love the scene that goes along with it. Him singing it to her in the alleyway feels very genuine and organic. (Side note: Jude you are a fookin’ bastard for cheating on Molly, gee.)

I Want To Hold Your Hand (9.5/10) – Incredible. Showstopping. Revolutionary. Ten times better than the Beatles’ version. Seeing this song from a gay perspective makes it so much deeper… She’s just asking to hold her hand… Wanting the simple things because maybe they can get away with doing that…. Maybe people won’t talk because girls holding hands could just be good friends…. The yearning of it all!!!!! The tenderness!!!! When I first saw that scene and the camera stayed on the girl as the guy was walking away and Prudence kept singing… Cultural reset. Only reason this isn’t a 10 is because this movie has even better scenes! (On a side note: It is hilarious that the school’s team is called Wildcats.)

With A Little Help From My Friends (8/10) – Boys being boys! Dudes bein’ guys, guys bein’ dudes. It’s a fun scene and a fun version of the song. All that’s left to ask is: DO YOU NEEEEEED ANYBOOODAAHHHYYYY? (Side note: Max Carrigan… Sir…. Spare hand in marriage?)

It Won’t Be Long (6.5/10) – Not gonna lie… I have no idea what purpose this scene serves. We never see Lucy’s boyfriend actually meeting her. However, I am not mad to hear Evan Rachel Wood perform this absolute banger, so I’ll take it. The school scenes are fun, I guess. It’s also one of the few times we see the other Carrigan sisters, who disappear for the rest of the movie. Maybe they also got drafted. Or they died. Who knows. They aren’t even there for Thanksgiving. Where did they go.

I’ve Just Seen A Face (9/10) – I don’t care if it is basic or simple… This song is instant serotonin and the bowling scene is so! Much! FUN!!! The chemistry between Max, Lucy and Jude is amazing… I love my dumb children.

Let It Be (12/10) – The full score doesn’t even cut it for this masterpiece. You thought the Beatles’ version was moving? Watch this damn scene. I can’t even think about it without getting emotional. If you don’t believe in a higher power, you will after hearing this song. The acting of both of the mothers is also spot on; when the mother of Lucy’s boyfriend clutches the flag and just breaks down? That kills me. Julie Taymor saying that she wanted the scene to make us empathetic for what’s going on in the world instead of apathic after becoming desensitized from all the violence we see on the news every day makes it much more impactful. I’ll stop talking now. I can’t handle it. EGOT!

Come Together (9.5/10) – It’s fucking Joe Cocker singing Come Together. The musical arrangement is LIT as fuck and the choreography is *chef’s kiss*. Shout out to the hooker girls! You are Queens! Only reason this isn’t a 10/10 is that pimp!Joe Cocker creeps me out. What’s up with that beard?

Why Don’t We Do It In The Road (7./10) – We don’t hear much of the song since Jude and Lucy are talking so much, but Sadie is amazing. Her voice is great. She’s gorgeous. Sadie sexy. I’m gay for Sadie. That’s it that’s the review.

If I Fell (8.5/10) – Evan Rachel Wood I have feelings for you.

I Want You (She’s So Heavy) (11/10) – This is THE scene, okay??? You may argue that the symbolism is a bit too on the nose, but it fits this very imagery-heavy movie perfectly. *Childish Gambino voice* This is America. You can tell that the writers of the movie thought long and hard about what to do with each and every song and it truly pays off in this scene. It is scary, it is weird, it is stunning. It is… Dare I say… Perfect.

Dear Prudence (9/10) – Prudence literally being in the closet… Iconic. This song makes me feel like I am floating. It’s so soft yet euphoric. Love the protest scene, too. Really captures the spirit of the time. (I say as if I was already born.)

I Am The Walrus (8/10) – I want to rate this lower because the whole LSD ordeal serves no purpose whatsoever and doesn’t drive the story further, but… Bono kills it :/ It’s a banger. Sorry Beatles, but Bono is the REAL walrus. There’s no competition.

For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite (3/10) – What’s the point??? Why is this scene in the movie? I guess they all had fun making it, but sorry Miss Taymor, cool set design doesn’t make a good scene. The blue guys are cool though. And Prudence got herself a gf!!! Good for her.

Because (8/10) – Deep sigh… It’s just a very good song. And the transition that shows Max has been shipped away is amazing.

Something (8.5/10) – Greatest love song ever written, blah blah. What can I say. Again: Mr. Sturgess kills this performance. He has the perfect voice for the song.

Oh! Darling (8.5/10) – My parents Sadie and Jojo are going though a tough spot, but they are kind enough to turn their anger and sexual frustration into a show that we can enjoy. And oh boy, we DO enjoy it. Their voices work together so well and the eMoTiOnS!!! Splendid. Good job, guys. Now please make up :( You love each other, after all.

Strawberry Fields Forever (10/10) – I’m spiraling. This song and this scene is god tier. It is beautiful and heartbreaking and simply gorgeous. Just… Wow.

Revolution (8/10) – Jude you are a little bitch but this song slaps. Next!

While My Guitar Gently Weeps (9/10) – Jojo’s voice… Heavenly. Just a damn good version of this song. Bonus points for the Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan vibes near the end of the scene when Jojo and Jude are walking down the streets.

Across The Universe (10/10) – This movie is cranking it up near the end, damn. This is just beautiful. Plain as that. The scene of Jude seeing Lucy and himself from the past in the subway driving past evokes feelings in me that I can’t explain.

Helter Skelter (9/10) – BANGER! Better than the original; Paul McCartney wishes he had what Dana Fuchs has. Works incredibly well with the riot scene.

Happiness Is A Warm Gun (10/10) – INCREDIBLE! Julie Taymor managed to make this song makes sense, wow. Joe Anderson’s delivery is incredible, and the hospital scene is really creepy but in a very very good way. Bonus points for Salma Hayek.

Black Bird (7/10) – I’m always too focused being sad about Max to pay attention, sorry. But it’s Evan Rachel Wood softly singing a ballad. What more do you want?

Hey Jude (9.5/10) – THIS SONG! MAX AND JUDE! T H E Y! All friendship is romantic, bitch!!! I can’t properly express my emotions but let it be known that I cry at the first note of this song. Hey Jude……

Don’t Let Me Down (7.5/10) – My parents are back together :) And they sound great!

All You Need Is Love (10/10) – Get your tissues ready. We’ve reached the end and it is flawless (just like the rest of this movie – except the LSD scenes). You probably will cry of happiness. Love truly is all you need.

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds (7/10) – A solid banger to finish it all off. Gives you time to wipe your tears away and get carried away on the waves of funky Beatles songs.

#across the universe #the beatles #evan rachel wood #jim sturgess #dana fuchs #julie taymor #musical #film #this is my magnum opus #bono #u2

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milky-mochi · 5 years ago

Text

before you (3) | cyj

genre: nerd! yeonjun, nerd! reader, aged up! yeonjun, college! au, boyfriend! yeonjun

pairing: choi yeonjun x reader

summary: falling in love with choi yeonjun was like breezing through the chapters of a book, with highlights of him bookmarked in your head.

listen to: 🎶 me after you - paul kim 🎶

chapters: intro | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

your first date with yeonjun was unexpectedly perfect.

after you received the news of your award, you were supposed to go out together to celebrate (just as friends) on that same weekend. but the first week, yeonjun fell sick, and you had a family dinner the second week, so the outing ended up being postponed for three weeks.

it proved to be lucky for you, though. during those three weeks, the both of you had the chance to reevaluate your relationship. you were already extremely sure you liked him, but you were still scared at the prospect of being rejected and losing the friendship you treasured so dearly. so, you decided to let this crush pass over without heartbreak, just like you’d been doing all your life.

yeonjun, however, had other ideas. while he was afraid of you not returning his feelings, his fear of rejection was nothing compared to his fear of losing his opportunity with you. it must have seemed foolish to believe so strongly in something without any good reason to. but yeonjun was a hopeless romantic. and he believed in fate.

so as the day drew nearer for your celebration, on one night, yeonjun found himself twirling his fingers around in nervousness as he prepared to text you. he even considered abandoning his plan, but as soon as he looked at your profile picture and saw you smiling brightly, his desire to bring you happiness overtook his fear.

and so he asked you to go on a date with him, to let him take you on one that lived up to your literary fantasies. and with your heart beating out of your burning chest, you said yes.

---

“y/n, hi, um” yeonjun stuttered, “you look great.”

shyly, you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. your heart was fluttering with excitement. this was the first date you had read about in all your books and dramas: him showing up at your door, looking handsome as hell, waiting to pick you up. you couldn’t believe it was actually happening in front of your eyes, not in words on a page, but in choi yeonjun.

yeonjun cleared his throat (to try and clear his nervousness, but he figured you didn’t need to know that. he also decided it would also be better if you never knew that he was adopting all of this from every romance book he had ever read because, without them, he would have no idea how any of this worked).

as you stepped out of your house and closed the door behind you, yeonjun offered his hand to you with a sheepish smile. giggling, you laced your fingers in his and let him lead you to his car, a pink blush dusting your cheeks.

“i’m sorry, i definitely remember making a reservation. i even called to confirm just this morning!”

“i’m really sorry sir, but your name isn’t on the list.”

yeonjun sighed exasperatedly and ran his hands through his hair for the ninth time in a ten minute dignified scuffle. his eyes narrowed as he readied himself to bring out his most polite passive-aggressive voice once again, but you grabbed his hand before he could say anything.

in all honesty, you were really pissed too. yeonjun had made a reservation at this upscale restaurant that looked like the backdrop of a classic first date from a rom-com you had probably binged before. he had planned everything perfectly, but right now, the receptionist was ruining it. she kept insisting that he hadn’t placed a reservation, even after he showed them the confirmation email, only because she couldn’t find his name in the list.

“yeonjun,” you whispered, glaring daggers at the receptionist who maintained her devilishly cold poker face, “let’s just go. it’s not worth it.”

sighing once again, yeonjun squeezed your hand in his, and gestured towards the door. on your way out, you made sure to clack your heels as loud as you could, and pulled yeonjun away as quickly as your legs could carry you.

you stormed out of the restaurant and out into the street. you didn’t even know where you were going, you just kept walking, with yeonjun in tow, waiting for your anger to sizzle down.

“y/n, slow down.”

realising your speed, you slowed down and mumbled an apology. you didn’t even realise how long you had been sulking for. looking at you, yeonjun sighed again.

“i’m sorry that didn’t go as planned. and i’m sorry i got really passive-aggressive back there-”

“no! you had every right to be!” you cried out indignantly. “that woman was being a real pain in the neck.”

the ring of yeonjun’s laughter soothed the last bit of fizzling anger in your chest. he draped an arm over you to pull you closer. “you’re absolutely right. we’re never going there again.”

humming in agreement and smiling in triumph, you held his hand that hung loosely over your shoulder. a few quiet footsteps passed between the two of you. you were just enjoying his company, and he was enjoying the feeling of your hand in his. it was like a dream.

until you began to feel pricks on your scalp.

you faced your palm upwards, only to see tiny droplets on water accumulate on your skin. yeonjun muttered a curse under his breath as he took his blazer off and covered the two of you, using it as a very expensive makeshift umbrella.

damn, you thought, ain’t this a drama.

holding yeonjun’s hand, the two of you ran in the direction from whence you came. his polished shoes and your high heels were accumulating water, but for once, you didn’t mind. the sound of yeonjun’s laughter and the feeling of his hand in yours was the most romantic thing you could ask for.

the two of you kept running until you came to an unfamiliar bend. you had forgotten which way you came from, and the rain was too heavy for you to find directions back to the restaurant. you panicked and looked up at yeonjun for an answer, when your eyes fell on the warm amber light emitting from behind him and your ears picked up on the soft meowing of a cat.

behind yeonjun was the new bookshop he had promised to bring you to.

---

“hello welcome to- oh my! look at the both of you! you’re drenched!”

the ding of the bell over the door fell silent as yeonjun led you into the shop. you could have squealed at its ambience. the walls were decked with volumes of poetry, well over a hundred, no, two hundred, copies. there was a cosy sitting area in the middle, and there was one corner with a bay window overlooking a park. and there was absolutely no one in the store.

“are the two of you okay? i’m afraid we don’t have any towels,” the lady behind the cashier continued, “but there’s a heater by the bay window. feel free to sit there and enjoy a book while you wait for the rain to stop.”

you giggled and thanked the lady kindly. running over to the bay window, you glanced out at the view. the light of the street lamps were fuzzy with the rain, and the rain tapped against the window gently. you were so glad this was a warm bookshop, which didn’t force you to buy the books before you read them, because that meant you could take your time to find the book you loved. excitement filled your chest as you looked at the huge shelf stocked with poetry that guarded over the area.

“this is perfect,” you mumbled under your breath.

when you realised you were no longer holding yeonjun’s hand, you turned around to look for him, only to realise that he was right behind you, holding a stack of poetry books. he raised both the books and his eyebrows expectantly, inviting you to take one.

the two of you settled by the window, placing the tower in the space between. you plucked the first book off the look at its title. it was your third favourite anthology by your favourite poet, which you had offhandedly mentioned to him a few times.

and it was with your favourite binding. the one with the large margin before the text starts.

your lips curled into a fond smile looking at yeonjun, who had already found himself engrossed in a chapbook by his favourite poet. taking his hand in yours, you began to pour over the intricate words detailing the pages.

occasionally, one of you would break the silence to read to the other a line that struck home, or one that was so stupidly good that it needed to be shared. you didn’t know how long you stayed like that for, or where the cashier lady was. for a moment, it was just yeonjun, you, the rain and words.

when the pile of books dwindled to one, the both of you decided to read it together. you shuffled closer to yeonjun and leaned your head on his shoulder. instinctively, he curved his body ever so slightly to lower it to your height. then, the words began to pour off his lips, softly and lovingly, until you stopped to highlight a stanzathat struck something in you.

“i like this one,” you whispered gently, placing your index finger next to it on the page.

“you fill me with

calm adrenaline,

(which technically doesn't make sense,

but the feelings you give me

are beyond my comprehension).

the thought of you sends

stardust cracking through my veins

or sun rays igniting my vessels.

your earnest smile,

like the soft morning sun,

is enough

to light galaxies

lacing in my capillaries

or leak happiness

like the sun spreads its beauty

over the reservoir.”

“yeah, it‘s beautiful.” yeonjun looked back at the page. “until recently, i’ve never known what it’s like to like someone so much like that.”

you watched yeonjun’s eyes dart to make momentary contact with yours. shyly, your own darted back to the stanza. “neither have i.”

“do you think you could ever, y/n?”

you smiled up at yeonjun, taking his hands and interlacing your fingers gingerly. “i think i’m starting to.”

---

eventually, the rain stopped, the shop closed, and it was time for yeonjun to drive you home. you left the shop with a poetry book yeonjun bought you because you liked it so much, and a huge smile plastered on your face. his smile mirrored your own as you walked back to his car. the sound of your voices accompanied your footsteps as the two of you were immersed in the comfortable conversations you loved dearly. yeonjun never failed to make you feel safe.

the drive to your house was fairly short, though you wished you lived further away. you wanted to talk to yeonjun for a bit more, but it was already late and you had to go home.

eventually, when he pulled up to your driveway, you were prepared to say goodbye and open the door to leave. but yeonjun got out of the car first and opened the door for you. smiling embarrassedly, he said he wanted to walk you to your door. secretly, you were squealing. this was the classic end to a first date, wasn’t it?

you nodded excitedly. flashing you a genuine smile, yeonjun took your hand and began to walk towards your door. it was probably well over midnight, given the silence of your neighbourhood, save your own footsteps. the distance to your door had never felt shorter. you never wanted this to end.

“i had a really, really great time tonight,” you said (this was what people said at the end of a date, right?)

“so did i. i really loved it.”

“so when’s our next one?” you blurted out, immediately regretting it afterwards.

to your relief, yeonjun’s face lit up with the brightest smile you had ever seen. “whenever you’re free.”

“i look forward to it!” you smiled.

yeonjun smiled again, but his eyes darted to your lips. you felt your heart rate increase steadily at the tension in the air. the familiar scene was playing in real life. you were nervous, and a little scared, but you liked him too much to care. and he was standing so close.

sensing your thoughts, yeonjun gave you a look to ask you for your permission. instead of giving him an answer, you cupped his cheeks and placed a kiss on his lips. it was a short and quick one (you didn’t really know how to do anything else). but you did nothing to widen the distance between your faces, as your gaze lingered firmly on yeonjun.

hastily, his arm snaked around your waist and pulled you closer, kissing you softly and gently. once his lips were on yours, you were paralysed momentarily at the new feeling. it was a scene from your dreams, something you could never imagine happening to you in real life. but his lips felt so real against yours that, before you knew it, you instinctively gave yourself to the kiss, losing yourself in it as the seconds ticked by.

here on your porch, you were living your fantastical date with a boy you adored. and yet, as you felt yeonjun’s soft lips move gently against your own, you realised:

no movie, no book, could ever compare to this.

---

next chapter

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fapangel · 5 years ago

Text

WELCOME, NEW GUN OWNERS!

A Brief Intro To The Whole ‘Gun’ Thing Business Stuff

By Planefag

1. So You Bought A Coronavirus Gun and you’re honestly a bit scared of it. What now?

You already know the four rules of gun safety because 1. the guy at the store told you, 2. it was in the users manual, which you read, and above all 3. you’ve not a redneck going “yee-haw BANG-GATTY!” you’re a goddamn sane human being. In point of fact, this new gun kind of scares you a bit and you sometimes have second thoughts.

Congratulations! You’re already becoming a Responsible Gun Owner.

Y’see, what us gun nerds don’t tell you is that we practice gun safety to the point of obsessive paranoia. Guns don’t shoot people, people shoot people – including by accident. The gun doesn’t do jack diddly shit – YOU do. All that responsibility is on YOU. And if you’re sitting there eyeballing the damn thing like it’s a live snake, it means you respect and fear the power, which is the first step in fully accepting the responsibility of gun ownership. You didn’t buy that damn thing as a dick replacement or to kill tin cans in the backyard, you bought it to protect yourself and your family should the worst happen – i.e. you’re already taking responsibility for your and/or your family’s own safety.

Being a grown-ass responsible adult is what qualifies you to own a gun. That’s it. Everything else is just knowledge, and none if it means diddly squat without the attitude, and as a (likely) reluctant owner, you already have that.

Never forget this.

2. What Nobody Will Tell You About The Safety Culture Of Firearms

You are absolutely going to fuck up gun safety a lot and the entire system and culture of firearm safety is designed to deal with this.

It starts with the Four Rules themselves:

All guns are loaded at all times.

Never point the gun at anything you don’t want to destroy.

Keep your finger off the trigger unless you intend to fire.

Never shoot an unidentified target and always consider what’s behind it.

These rules are multiply redundant safeties. Just ONE of these rules can and will save your life. You, as an ordinary mortal human, cannot possibly be perfect all the time, even with well-ingrained safety habits, but with multiple safety habits, you don’t NEED to be. Once Upon A Time a friend brought over her husband’s new gun for us to see, and my whole family handled it and tried it out. I asked to try the trigger pull, and before I touched the trigger, I decided to check the chamber – and a live round popped out.

That’s when I realized that, despite all of us having failed to check the chamber, we had all:

1. Never touched the trigger 2. Never walked in front of the muzzle 3. Never pointed it in an unsafe direction - only at the floor.

My whole family, my friend, and I all fucked up, and nobody was hurt because while you will occasionally forget one or even two rules of gun safety, it’s effectively impossible to forget all four.

This “multiple redundancy” extends to other gun owners, and it’s why gun nerds seem to be such tiresome pedantic pricks about precise terminology – it all starts with “trigger discipline;” i.e. pointing out when someone else has their finger on the trigger when they’re not about to shoot; in a movie, in pictures, in real life, in a TikTok video etc. Muzzle discipline (don’t point it at things you want to destroy) is a close second. This is how gun owners work together to reinforce each other’s safety habits until they are second nature. This is the root of much gun culture – for instance, “silencer” is a perfectly valid name for the round make-gun-more-quieter-can, but lots of people get uptight and insist they be called “suppressors” because they don’t actually literally silence a gun, and your hearing can still be damaged if you fire a louder/bigger gun with a “can” on it and omit hearing protection (“earpo.”) Safety is serious business and you can expect other gun owners to coach you in it.

This system is formally enforced at shooting ranges, where someone called the Range Officer walks around for the sole purpose of making sure every rule of gun safety is observed at all times. With so many people in such tight confines, perfect gun safety is required, which is beyond the ability of any mere mortal. The range officer’s job is to be your second brain, helping you observe gun safety. They will often show you tricks to help avoid common mistakes in gun handling – one RO showed me how to stand sideways to my bench, so that when I manipulated my pistol in both hands, I could hold it sideways (as one naturally wants to do, to inspect it,) while still keeping the muzzle downrange. It’s natural to feel embarrassed if an RO corrects your mistake in gun safety, but you shouldn’t be – RO’s see every knuckle-dragging moron on Earth and can easily tell someone who is trying to be safe from a simple moron who doesn’t give a damn. RO’s treasure earnest newbies, because its easy to teach knowledge and habit, but difficult if not impossible to instill responsibility.

A final note on safety involves storage. To be of any damn use, your gun must be loaded and ready in your home, but many people also need to secure it against children, dumb-ass visiting friends or in some neighborhoods, possible burglary. What you need is a quick-access safe, like this one linked here. Note how the keypad has grooves so your fingers can find it in the dark, and only has four buttons. These tools are expressly designed to keep your firearm readily accessible and also safe and secure. Avail yourself of these.

3. You Don’t Know Jack Shit About Guns And That Doesn’t Matter.

Everything you think you know about guns is probably complete fucking bullshit – but if you know how to point YOUR gun’s loud end at the bad guy and pull the trigger, that’ll do.

Many in my own tribe will rip me a new asshole for saying this, but its true nonetheless. A TON of what you think you know about guns is total bullshit propagated by Hollywood, and some of it’s dangerous because it could get you killed – for instance, if you think your new shotgun doesn’t need to be aimed because it’ll light up half the living room from five feet away like in video games.

But you don’t own every gun from movies or games, do you? You only own YOUR gun. That’s the only one you need to worry about learning right now. You’re probably stuck “sheltering in place” and all the shooting ranges are closed, but that means you have plenty of time to watch youtube videos, and damn are there a lot of good, informative youtube videos on firearm topics. Paul Harrell alone has tons of excellent, down to Earth videos on every topic you can imagine, and he often caters to fresh-faced newbies, such as this introduction to shotguns and what they do. Full30.com is “gun youtube” and has nothing but informative gun videos.

Watching these videos you’ll soon realize that what sounds like basic newbie information to you is being delivered in videos aimed at experienced gun owners – because we gun owners often don’t know shit, either. Even among gun owners ourselves, a great many myths and legends persist; the classic example being old-timers who think the springs in magazines will wear out if you keep them loaded too long (they don’t, any more than the suspension springs on your car do from just sitting in the garage.) These rumors persist because while their recommended techniques don’t help, they almost never hurt, either. Gun owners pursue these almost mythical rituals for the exact same reason they have such strong opinions (and sometimes bitter arguments) over trivial differences in firearm performance or utility – even though the differences are very minor, when you are fighting for your own priceless life, even slim advantages are worth having. Even though most gun owners keep a simple shotgun for home defense and spend most of their money on Fun Shooty Guns for the range and/or competitions, the entire community is, ultimately, rooted in traditions and lessons pertaining to actual practical use of firearms for community, family and self-defense.

Thus: when fellow gun-owners, in person or online, give your selection of firearm shit and recommended ten billion other accessories or methods to buy or use, do not be fooled into thinking your gun is useless or seriously sub-par; almost anything that you can put lead downrange with, where you want it, will do the job. At the same time, understand that this community has such strong opinions on often trivial differences because you’re preparing to defend your and your families lives, and with infinitely high stakes, no advantage is too trivial to consider.

Sights and slings and magazines and such are all well and good to have, but if you need to make a choice, remember that having the gun, and the skill and familiarity to use it is already 90% of the equation. Paul Harrell demonstrates this very very well in his video on using double-barreled shotguns for home defense, which he opens with the line “not everyone can afford thousand-dollar guns,” and “you don’t need the latest, greatest thing to get the job done.” Clint of Thunder Ranch – a man who has in fact shot people and been shot at – is also on-record as warning people that you can absolutely be killed by the oldest, silliest damn Oregon-Trail looking goddamn Elmer Fudd popgun if the wielder knows how to run it well. Look no further than the return of lever-action Old West guns for home defense.

4. The Right Of The People To Keep And Bear Arms Shall Not Be Infringed AND YOU ARE PEOPLE

YES, YOU, YOU LEFT-WING BERNIEBRO TRIPLE-COMMUNIST FROM SOVIET MORDOR. AND YOU, TRANS-QUEER-POC-NONBINARY OTHERKIN. YOU ARE PEOPLE.

IF YOU ARE PEOPLE, THIS IS YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT. IT IS NOT CONTINGENT ON YOUR POLITICS, YOUR RELIGION, YOUR SEX, GENDER, OR PREFERENCE OF GAMING CONSOLE. YOU BOUGHT A GUN, NOT A POLITICAL PARADIGM SHIFT. IT CAME WITH A TRIGGER LOCK, NOT A PACKET OF KOOL-AID.

WE GUN OWNERS HAVE FOUGHT TIRELESSLY FOR GENERATIONS TO DEFEND THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PRECISELY BECAUSE WE KNEW TIMES LIKE THESE WOULD INEVITABLY COME. AND NOW THAT THEY’RE HERE, BEING VINDICATED IS ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NO FUN AT ALL, BECAUSE WE’RE ALL IN THIS SHITSTORM TOGETHER.

5. Come Talk To Us – We Don’t Bite

Most gun owners collect guns because we can’t afford to collect cars or old tractors or whatever, and worse, we can’t race them against each other nearly as easily as we can go to an IDPA competition and blap steel pop-up targets. Firearms are exquisite works of engineering, and marksmanship is a science, an Olympic sport, and a true art that was respected as the domain of the experienced and wise even in Antiquity. Most of us were taught gun safety as a case-study in the responsibilities of adulthood, at our parents and grandparents knee, and we find real joy in introducing new people to the joy of firearms ownership and shooting sports.

Gun owners have been subject to non-stop, wall-to-wall abuse for decades due to our views on firearm rights – quite often to our faces, from family members. It makes us scornful and defensive – but it also primes us to welcome fellow supporters of self-defense rights with open arms as long-lost brothers. Hit us up on Twitter or BookFarce or whatever the hell you use. Ask your questions – yes, even the dumb ones. We asked the exact same ones ourselves when we were starting out. We’ll deny it till the sun burns out, but we did, and our guilty memories mock us still.

It often feels like the divides in America are too deep to ever be healed, and even in the midst of this crisis, where there should only be two sides – humanity vs. virus – the bitter recriminations continue. But it’s still the best chance we’ve had to see eye-to-eye with each other, and that new gun of yours, lying in its factory grease still in its factory hardcase, is proof positive of that.

You’re disgusted by this reality, aren’t you? That such ugly measures are necessary? That things have gotten this bad?

Good. So are we. Which is why we need you; you people who wish for a world where guns aren’t needed and people sleep with their doors unlocked at night. People who push forward, finding a way to advance. And this current disaster is why you need us; people who know how bad it can get, how easily the center can fold, who prepare for the worst.

We will need you again in the future. And that is why we are here for you now.

#covid19 #pandemic #@coronavirus #guns #@gun control #don't panic #covid-19 #I don't care if this is pointless someone has to fucking try #firearmsafety #firearms #lockdown

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bumblesimagines · 5 years ago

Text

Rewatching Eclipse

Thoughts and shit

"Marry me" "No bitch"

Bell clearly doesn't/isn't ready to get married

"It's called a compromise" stfu

"Knocked up" oof

Ew I'm skipping cuz this cutesy shit ain't for me

Stop being a bitch to Charlie

"Edward is in my life" i think your seventeen and you're an idiot. He's a guy.

Jake wasn't a dick when Bell was in her time of need

He really broke something from her truck to stop her from seeing a friend what a piece of shit

Love that Mike/Ned/Nate

Jasper got a new haircut

"That's what you said last time" ouch, he's right there Bell

With each passing movie, everyone gets prettier

How come they don't bother with contacts? Golden eyes aren't normal

"Super. That makes me super happy." poor Charlie

Why was she staring out into the water like that??

Her mom's cool

She looks fifteen with the sunglasses

TELL HER MAMA

Cool gift. She's not gonna need it lmao

STAY HUMAN YOU'LL FINE BETTER DICK SOMEWHERE ELSE

Y'all look like a cult standing like that

Why'd they change the actress for Victoria? It's so obvious lmao

Wolves

Half of the movies is just running

Rosalie looking out for her man

Emmett and Paul should've been friends

Wtf is that intro song for Jake?? Lmao

Bella and Jake always have angsty moments in bad weather

Stfu Ed

She deserves to know

MiSuNdErStAnDiNg

Jake lmao

He's always lying to you Bells

Jake looked really confused when Bell said she called him

I like the boots Jake

Soundtrack *chefs kiss*

All of them rushing out is so cute awe

Monologue

I love them

L E A H

I love HER

Emily owo

The boys really are like children

Jake don't be a dick Leah's cool

Sam and Leah should've talked

Imprinting is brought up. Finally.

Her her her her what about the gays, Jake?

Wait... I thought Jake did imprint but it was somehow... Not really

A MONTH???

He has a point. She hasn't even lived.

Jake is a dick but he has some fair points.

PRETTY BOY finn? Or was his name Riley?

Leave pops alone pretty boy

His eyes?? IM SO LOST

Rosalie is so 💕💕💕

She has Jake

Aye ya girl was right

You need them Ed

Same here Bella. Both of them are annoying

Monologue

Emmett and Alice look so dumb standing there lmao

Flexing on these hoes

Oof he kisses her just to piss him off

"Hey beautiful" stOP

BONFIRE

Council meeting? Oh oof

History to make her not trust vamps lmao

SETHSETHSETHSETH

OwO i love Seth. His voiceeeeee

Your as cold as ice

Nice shift there buddy.

Screaming match

She couldn't have cut her palm or some shit? But whatever! Love the story

Way to guilt trip Jake lmao

Finn/Riley looks so disgusted but he's so attractive 💕

Emmett has so much chaotic energy i love it

So his name IS Riley aight super cute

Charlie is such a good dad

you're already selfish for constantly lying to her Ed

OOH IS THIS THE SCENE WHERE SHE PUNCHES JAKE AND BREAKS HER HAND??

Mkay truth. Options.

In love or did you imprint?

She just rejected you wHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

Lmao ain't for long

She wants to change. Ask Ed lmao

Bell is so uncomfortable poor girl

LMAO THE SOUND WHEN HER FIST CONNECTED TO HIS CHEEK JUST *thump*

The way Jake explained it is so funny

Oop Rosalie 💕

Bonding time

I AM TEAM ROSALIE fuck Ed and Jake

FUCK ROYCE

Rosalie deserved better

ROSALIE IS MY QUEEN

Jesus so silent and then just screaming lmao

Riley uwu

Alec and Jane 💕

Damn his back must hurt like a bitch

Jane's voice is so soft

Jessica's speech is *chefs kiss*

Nice party outfit Bell

I wonder if anyone stole anything lmao

Right hook lmao

Highly doubt he made anything

Did they kick everyone out??

RILEY

Oh no nvm

Yeah no shit they're after her

They were made for fighting Bell

Ooh the training scene

You've never met a newborn Bell lmao

Jake you ass

The whole ride there and he didn't notice the bracelet??

WOLVES

They look so soft

Sam noted Carlisle's words lmao

Mr. Jasper Hale

Musiccc

How come the wolves didn't train? Like with each other?

They look so soft

She's bait good to know

Jaspers backstory is so... Oof

He suddenly got an accent

Ma'am

My apologizes ma'am

As a spanish speaker, hearing that over and over again was uncomfortable

Rileyyyy

Why is he so pretty????

Ooof Victoria

as bAIT

Bella looks kind of like Elena lmao

Jake tried to be funny but got pissed off

Stinks

Jasper tried to be nice with the scent comment

"Since I let Sam"

Thanks for mentioning it Bell

But uh, Sam would beat Jacob's ass

It's called a poly relationship, Jake

She broke her hand, If I were her I'd be nervous too

Alice and Charlie.. It's uncomfy

"Like.. Alone?" you're not getting any dick Bell

Charlie said Alice x Bella rights

"wat"

Charlies attempt at the 'talk'

Old school sounds... Terrible

"I'm a virgin!" "aosjaiauha glad we covered that" "Me too!"

Just say you got jelly and go Ed

Pretty bed

She thinks she's gonna get some

"Anything you want is yours" "yoUR DICK"

Ed is a good Christian boy

Bell is super thirsty holy shit

Ed is saving it til marriage good for him

Courted you ugh

That is one ugly- Oh it's your mother's? Wow it's so cute

R I L E Y

So she's lying to him

The talon clan was what I heard lmao

She's pretty too

Put a bandaid on it sweets

What she's trying to say is "it's an ugly ass ring"

They can feel the weather??? Huh??

"Same old same old" you don't even knOW

Aaljaiaha i can imagine them fucking power walking underwater

"What can I do?" stay the hell away

I wanna know what Jake was thinking lmao

"She's in love with me too. She just won't admit it to herself" no Jacob, you're supposed to be her bestie

They're bondingggg

Jake ruined it

Ed seems really sweet and genuine in this scene

THEY 👏 SHOULD'VE 👏 BEEN 👏 A 👏 POLY 👏 COUPLE

The shared smilesss

THEY 👏 SHOULD'VE 👏 BEEN 👏 A 👏 POLY 👏 COUPLE

A flannel in the snow. Lit.

SETH

Oop-

He did deserve to know. He's not fighting lmao

"Maybe I'll get myself killed and make it simple" Go ahead and jump off that cliff/mountain your on Jake

"That's not good enough" bitch-

Jacob your a little bitch for actually kissing her

She's engaged oml lmao

PushhimoffBell

He was gonna go anyways-

More like heard

He's her best friend dude

Does nobody understand platonic love???

We love a good power couple

EMMETT AND PAUL SHOULD'VE BEEN BROS

Seth is babey

Poor Riley he's babey

SETH

Victoria is a good villian. She had a good reason to attack the Cullens.

Riley should've been adopted and become best buds with Seth

You could've just pricked your finger Bell lmao

Her eyes were open in one shot and closed in the next

Only you can prevent forest fires

Lowkey ship Jake and Leah

We can see your faces, no need to take off the hoods lmao

Billy, Carlisle, Charlie, and Sam should've started a 'Done with my children' club

Lmao Jake says Ed isn't as bad as he thought and then said he wasn't as perfect as she thought what??

Give. It. Up. Jake.

The romance field is back. Sigh.

THEY 👏 SHOULD'VE 👏 BEEN 👏 A 👏 POLY 👏 COUPLE

"Like literally stumbling through my life" lmao meee

At least she didn't say I'm not like other girls

Ugly ass ring won. Yay.

#bumbletalks

17 notes · View notes

jawnjendes · 5 years ago

Text

don’t want your hand this time | shawn mendes

chapter 1/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: i know i know i posted a thing yesterday but UUUHHHHH im just tryna get to the saucy parts of this bc SOMEBODY decided to be all hot n sexy in a certain music video ANYWAY this is just an intro chapter of sorts and we are introducing some new characters!! lmk your thoughts thots!

***let me know if u wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist coming soon

When Annalise Flores has shit to do within a time limit, she forgets about everything else. Her phone goes on silent, she ignores her other obligations, and she makes sure to get whatever is in her focus done. This has proven to be disastrous in the past, like when Annalise just needed to clean the entire dorm before starting any homework assignment was due the next day. Or when she reorganized the filing closet at the dealership before adding up the gas receipts she was ordered to do. You get the idea.

Annalise was very determined to get all of her unopened boxes, and her clothes to fit in her tiny, beat up car so she didn't have to make multiple trips, given how far campus is from Shawn's apartment. He promised he would help her move when he got home, he had that huge Jeep after all, but Annalise was way too antsy. Besides, they already fought about this, and she didn't want to start anything all over again. She didn't want him to feel obligated to help if only one of them was into the idea of her moving out.

After pushing on the car door three times, it finally clicked shut. Annalise successfully managed to stuff all of her clothes and half her boxes into the backseat. The rest of the boxes were in the trunk. The windows were all covered, so maybe she wouldn't be able to see her blind spots, but at least Annalise wouldn't have to make a second trip. She silently thanked the Tetris gods for blessing her with the appropriate skills as she went back up to the apartment.

Shawn's living space didn't look that different with all of Annalise's belongings out. Most of it was all stashed into the "recording" room over the summer, and neither of them spent any time in there. There was more space in the closet now, too. It was no longer just a black abyss, and all of Shawn's belongings were now undisturbed. Annalise debated smuggling out his black Nike hoodie, but given the circumstances it was best to leave everything as it was. The apartment didn't look any different really, but Annalise still felt an ache from her throat down to the bottom of her feet as she removed the spare key from her chain and left it on the glass dining table. This was easier than saying goodbye to him in person.

Campus was nowhere near as quiet and lonely as the apartment. Students were running around like headless chickens, trying to locate buildings, schedules, and friends. She already had a key to her dorm, so she parked near her building and carried her backpack and two boxes up the walkway. Annalise's resting bitch face and the clunk of her boots on the ground gave her less of a struggle to push past other students. Weak and fragile as she was these last couple of months, she's still got it.

The dorm building wasn't too far from the last one she lived in, but it was going to be a bitch getting to her classes. Maybe she should invest in a bike… or she should get her shit together and take the bus.

Annalise's new dorm was on the third floor, and it was furnished. Weird, yes, but she was not going to complain. It was a bit smaller, but not cramped. There was a tiny hallway between the two bedrooms, and one cramped bathroom. She noticed one room already had boxes sitting on the floor, and she couldn't help but get just a little excited. Stella hadn't completely abandoned her. Annalise wasn't even mad about their three month long silence, she was just happy that she would be seeing a familiar face.

She didn't run into Stella at all during the multiple trips she took bringing all her stuff in. Annalise knew she was here, though. Her perfume scent was always left behind in any room she had been in, and Annalise definitely caught the scent in the dorm. The same amount of boxes were still in her room by the time Annalise finished bringing all of her's in. She figured she could have texted Stella, but she kind of wanted to surprise her… even though they both knew about the other.

She checked her phone anyway. The only text she had was from Shawn.

"How come you didn't wait for me?"

Pursing her lips and smudging the signature black lipstick, Annalise cleared the notification and went to sit in the armchair in the living room. She was way too tired to try to reason with him. She certainly couldn’t jump into the "I miss you" crap so quickly either. She didn't want to, but Shawn obviously did when he sent another text. Out of sheer habit, Annalise opened the notification instead of clearing it, and she cursed under her breath.

"You've been gone only a few hours and this place already feels so sad and empty. Why did you leave your key?"

Yeah, she left him on read. She didn't know what else to say to him.

Thankfully, the lock on the door jiggled and in came Stella carrying a large cardboard box. She gasped and her hazel eyes lit up when she saw her dark natured roommate. She quickly squatted down and set the box on the floor before coming at Annalise with open arms.

"Mi esposa hermosa!"

Annalise will never say this out loud, but Stella gives wonderful hugs. They two girls haven't seen each other in over three months, so getting a nice tight hug was something that was really needed. They rocked from side to side, giggling at the motions. It was like nothing had really changed.

"When did I become your wife?" Annalise asked, amused as she leaned back to look at her.

"When we decided to live together for the third year in a row!" Stella replied. “Oh you got a little…” Her thumb rubbed under Annalise’s lip, showing her the black.

“The struggles of being goth,” she joked.

Stella giggled, and then the rambling began. "How are you? I'm so sorry we didn't talk much over the summer. Did you stay with Shawn the whole summer? Oh, is he here?" She bounced on her feet, looking around the dorm.

"Uh yeah, I did stay with him the entire time," she told her. "And no, he's not here. He's working."

Annalise knew he wasn't. He had found her abandoned key, which meant he was home. And he was probably sulking. And he was going to sleep alone...

"But he'll be here later, right?" Stella asked, nudging her arm. "Y'all are gonna christen your room, eh?"

She really had to ask, didn't she? She really had to jokingly ask a question that would change the expression on Annalise's face, thus warning her of the things that had happened. She wasn't sure why she kept an obviously fake smile on her face as she silently stared at her roommate. The silence alone wasn't enough, apparently.

Normally, Stella would dramatically gasp, sit her down, and ask Annalise to spill every detail. Instead, she sighed.

"Fill me in while you help me bring my stuff up."

Classes and club meetings resumed within the next couple of days, so it gave Annalise plenty of excuses to keep her texts to Shawn dismissive and short. She knew he was coming and going from campus for class too, but due to their different majors, he was going to be very far away from her. Not to mention, he didn't know where her new dorm was located, so it wasn't like he could track her down.

Except… Annalise had to retake biology. She knew Shawn was at the science building quite often, and she had hoped her bio lab fell on a day that he was at the fine arts building. But you know, life just happens, and sometimes you see your mans between classes. Sometimes you just see him leaving classroom, towering over the other students because he’s a giant. Maybe you’ll see him with a very short girl at his side, and they’re both laughing at something. Maybe he won’t see you either because he’s balls deep in banter with this random girl.

There was a lump in Annalise’s stomach following that minor event, and it made her anxious and uneasy for the first day of that class. Still, she was determined to stay on board with the separation they both agreed on. It was better that way for now. She didn't know about Shawn, but Annalise fully intended on keeping the distance, suspicious-looking friends be damned.

Anyway, she could find friends of her own too. Gaming club meetings started up again that Friday, and it was something to look forward to. After god knows how long, Annalise attended said meeting after receiving an email from the head of the club, Josh. He and his friend, Paul, ran the club most of the time. They managed to get plenty of people to sign up during the rush earlier in the week but only seven of them actually attended the first meeting. Just like every year.

Both Josh and Paul were scrawny blond boys with "nice guy" complexes. They were polite for the most part, given that they inducted Annalise into the club the moment she signed up. But they also quizzed her on just about every popular, mainstream video game there was once they realized she would actually be showing up to the meetings. It took time, and a bit of Annalise telling them off, but they were civil towards each other now.

"Annalise!" called Chad as the lady herself entered the classroom in the communications building. He was another member, and he had his two frat bros with him, Kyle and Jared, and they both chanted her name in their deep, manly voices.

All different heights, but same amount of insane muscle. For lack of better words, these guys were meatheads with good intentions. Chad was a student with one of the highest GPA on campus, practically competing with Josh. Kyle was the star student in his major, sports medicine. Jared was that guy who beat up bigots as a hobby. All three of them were fully dedicated to their fraternity, Sigma Chi.

Then there was Patrick, who nodded to Annalise as a greeting. She nodded back and took the empty seat next to him in the circle.

The people who think Annalise Flores is a complete hardcore goth have not met Patrick Markowski. This was a guy who was always decked out in leather, ripped jeans, and black eyeliner. He had a proper faux hawk, which is what made people notice him the most. He typically surrounded himself with other goths, unlike Annalise. He was truly dedicated to the lifestyle, while she deviated from even that sometimes. This was the only guy in the club Annalise was actually friends with.

Anyway, all seven of these nerds shared the same appreciation for video games, which brought them all together in a circle, in an empty classroom, in the communications building this evening. However, Annalise's entrance caused the guys to deviate from the main topic.

Josh and Paul had been staring at her with their mouths open the second she entered the room. The Frats were visibly excited and each gave her a high five. Patrick merely stayed quiet and smiled.

"Heard you almost fucking died!" Chad told her. "And you didn't tell a single one of us!"

"I thought you had actually died," Josh spoke up. "Since you never miss a meeting and all."

So that got around. Cool.

“I wasn’t dying,” Annalise said, rolling her eyes. “I just had part of my colon surgically removed.”

“No way…” Jared said in wonder.

“Oh, that’s disgusting,” said Paul with a gag. He brought the collar of his red Pizza Planet shirt over his mouth.

The Frats stared at Annalise in awe, almost impressed by her vague explanation. She really didn’t understand the fascination, given everything that happened during and after the hospital. Of course, they knew nothing about any of that. At the same time, Annalise was annoyed at Paul’s dramatic reaction, so she kept talking.

“It might happen to you too if you don’t take care of yourself and listen to your body,” she told him. “Or worse, you could end up with a bag of your poop attached to your belly.”

Paul gagged again, much louder this time. Then Annalise decided that that was enough and directed the conversation to the club’s main topic: video games.

“So who’s played Team Sonic Racing?”

It was only the first meeting, so the group made a plan to bring their Switches and play next time. The Nice Guys prompted to play a round of Fortnite online later, but Annalise was not up for that game in the slightest. Too mainstream. Too chaotic. She never could get into it.

“Well, we can play without you,” Paul suggested, “not everyone has to join in.”

“Isn’t that a rule, though?” Patrick asked pointedly. “If we’re gonna play something together, we all have to agree on one game. Besides, I don’t play Fortnite either.”

Paul's eyes darted around, trying to look for a counterargument, but he sighed. “Fine. Anyone else got any suggestions?”

“What about a D&D campaign?” Annalise said. “Or some type of board game?”

Josh scoffed. “It’s video game club. Besides, me and Paul already have a campaign with our other friends.”

“‘Course you do,” she mumbled, folding her arms.

“Ooo! I got an idea!” Kyle spoke up, raising his massive hand. “We should hit up Bart. That bar with the art and retro games?”

Annalise perked up. Finally, someone with a brain cell. “I participated in a Smash Bros tournament there. It’s really fun, we should all go one weekend.”

“A bar?” Josh said in distaste.

“Yeah! It’ll be a class field trip or something!” Chad agreed. “It’s awesome, bro! They got a Gamecube and an N64! Sometimes they do karaoke night, but only with songs from different games!”

Then, Kyle looked at Annalise with a smirk. “Bet your boyfriend would perform there, eh?”

Even when she was far away from him, Shawn still had a presence wherever she went. “Heh, maybe…”

Luckily, none of these guys were the type to hover. The subject went back to going to Bart one weekend, and then the group chat was revived to discuss further adventures. Once the meeting was adjourned, Patrick followed me out the door.

“So, Annie. No offense or anything,” he said, walking in step beside her as they walked down the corridor, “but what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“My summer was great, thanks,” Annalise said, too busy glancing at her phone to cringe at that awful nickname. No new messages for once.

“Nah, seriously. You were in the fucking hospital, and I find out through Snapchat?” he asked seriously. “Did you even tell anybody? What the hell happened?”

She didn’t remember posting anything about her hospital stay anywhere on social media. However, the only two people who were there with her were social media freaks. Stella was the type to tweet every single one of her brain farts, and frequently Snap where she was every second. Shawn was less active on his platforms, but he was still quite popular in the Toronto area, so he had a sizeable following. Annalise knew he took a picture of his hand holding hers while she was in the hospital at least once. Maybe it made it to his Instagram story a couple of times.

Sighing, Annalise gave Patrick the gist of her exciting adventure with her large intestine. Some underlying guilt wanted to be felt as she recalled staying and Shawn’s for so long, but she decided to spare those details.

“Looked death in the face, eh?” he said, nodding in what looked like approval. “Badass.”

She chuckled. “Guess I wasn’t ready to be yeeted off this mortal coil.”

“Ugh, you use the word yeet? How much has that guy changed you?” Patrick stuck his tongue out at her, flashing the piercing he had on the muscle.

“Hey, I’m more down with the kids than he is.”

The pair were quiet as they made it out to the courtyard. The night was chilly and cloudy, the only light coming from the lampposts on either side of the walkway. It felt different knowing Annalise was with only a friend rather than her mans, and she tried to ignore the ache in her chest and the urge to talk about him.

“Do you remember what it was like?” Patrick asked after a minute. “Being so close to death?”

“Nope,” she replied simply. “Although, when I was under, I had a really vivid dream that my… uh, Shawn cheated on me.” Way to not talk about him.

“You sure it was a dream?”

They were passing by one of the picnic tables, where Patrick pointed to. There was a group of people standing around the table, and two people sitting on top of it. One of those people was Shawn with his acoustic guitar. He was singing with the girl who was sitting next to him, the same one he was walking with at the science building. It wouldn’t have seemed weird if Patrick hadn’t said what he said. It would have been left alone if Annalise hadn’t thought about that stupid fever dream.

“Come on,” she said to Patrick as she stalked off towards the group.

“I was joking!” he said with a laugh.

Still, Annalise walked with a purpose and he followed her. She clutched the strap of her shoulder bag and kept her chin up as she made herself apart of the tiny audience. It was quite the sight, two nerds decked out in all black and heavy eyeliner amongst a group of normals watching two other normals sing a pop song. No lie, Annalise just wanted to get a look at this girl she had never seen before.

Olive skin. Black, curly hair. Very short next to her guy. Very pretty voice coming out of very pretty lips. She looked at Shawn and he looked back at her as they sang an eerily familiar song. Musically speaking, they seemed good together.

“I’ll leave you with the memory, and the aftertaste…”

The tiny audience clapped. Patrick was nodding in pleasant surprise, probably having never heard Shawn’s songs before. Annalise applauded as well, but she couldn’t help the narrowing of her eyes as she watched Shawn and this girl high five each other.

They were both comfortable with all the attention, it was easy to see. Shawn was beaming in a way that hadn’t been seen in a long time, and then he laid eyes on Annalise. He still had that smile on his face, even though it faltered a little bit. She kept her face neutral and quirked her eyebrows at him as a silent greeting.

“Should I leave you guys alone?” asked Patrick as he and Annalise watched Shawn get down from the table top.

“No,” she replied simply.

She almost regretted having him stay. He had to witness Shawn and Annalise attempt to figure out how to greet each other. A side hug would have been awkward for reasons not only having to do with the guitar strapped to his shoulder. She definitely couldn’t kiss him, because that would have started something she had been trying to distance herself from. They finally settled for a mildly uncomfortable handshake, and Shawn kept holding her hand as he spoke.

It had been almost a week since Ann moved out, and she only sent him one text in that time span. It was the black heart emoji. Better than nothing, but not better than seeing her in person.

“You haven’t answered my texts,” Shawn told her. If she was going to decide when she'll give him attention, then he wasn't going to beat around the bush when he saw her.

“I’ve been busy,” Ann replied, feebly attempting to shake her hand away.

Shawn nodded, but he wasn't thoroughly convinced. Between work and school, Ann was a hermit. Or so he thought, given that she now had this new goth dude at her side. “So, who’s your friend?”

“Who’s yours?” she quickly said back.

“I’m Patrick!” said Patrick, holding out his hand. “Annie and I go way back!”

Shawn let go of her hand to shake his. “Nice to meet you, brother. Wait… Annie?” He chuckled.

Her cheeks heated up, and she decided to move her eyes somewhere else, specifically on Shawn’s unnamed singing partner. She was chatting with some of the other people still around the table. Annalise noticed she talked with her hands a lot.

“She lets me call her that even though she hates it,” Patrick said, snapping her back into the moment. “Right, Annie?”

“Do not,” she warned. Then she looked at Shawn. “So who’s the chick you’re singing with?”

Shawn took in an almost reluctant deep breath as he turned and called the girl over. If there was anything he had yet to discover, it had to be if his girl was the jealous type.

Annalise's dark brown eyes narrowed once again while he wasn’t looking. Call it anxiety or paranoia, but she was oddly suspicious. Patrick caught the glare though, and he nudged her arm to snap her out of it.

“Ann, Patrick, this is Alessia,” Shawn said when the very short girl joined them. “She’s a first year. Alessia, this is my…” He elongated the vowel. “Annalise. And her friend Patrick.”

Okay, so… a sinking feeling in the tummy. That’s what that felt like. Couldn’t be mad, though. Annalise wasn’t so quick to use the boyfriend word these days.

“You’re Annalise!” Alessia said in pleasant surprise. She did not hesitate to hug her, arms going around her shoulders and practically pulling her down to her level. “It’s so nice to meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!”

Honestly, Annalise was just glad she didn’t call her the goth girlfriend. Or the goth anything, for that matter. She didn’t hug Patrick, though, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“So, how did you two meet?” Annalise prompted. So maybe she was a little more than curious to know how and when Shawn found the time to get another girl at his side.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Shawn replied a little too quickly.

His eyes bored into hers, throwing them into a staredown. He broke through the fake, polite smile Ann had on. Of course he broke it. He was the only one who could. However, Shawn couldn't read the expression she had on. He couldn't tell if she was upset or not, happy or not… He couldn't tell if she wanted to change her mind about this separation or not… Ten months together and Ann was still a mystery.

“Uh, Shawn and I have like, every class together,” Alessia said slowly, looking between the couple, noticing the sudden change in atmosphere. She scratched the back of her head.

“Annie and I have been in the same club for two years,” Patrick added in the same tone. He too noticed the tension.

“Oh, which club? There’s some I’ve been checking out…”

Those two kept up the conversation. Shawn’s gaze on Annalise made her throat close up. He wasn’t smiling or feigning politeness anymore. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were hard and glossed over. Inexplicable guilt began to form in her chest yet again. She knew he didn’t understand.

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @poppyshawn @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @yourdelightfullyleft @shawmndes @havethetimeeofyourlifee @calyumthomas

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x goth gf #this is the Start of some stupid ass fuckery #aka the Sequel #shoutout to the shawns hoes gc for letting me tag some of yall #and yes this fic will be in 3rd pov #we haven't heard enough of Shawn's thots n feelios lu #and i guess how u know its in shawns pov is when Ann is used instead of annalise #if u read the tags i appreciate u

86 notes · View notes

acklest · 5 years ago

Photo

A preview of Chapter 9 of Anything and Everything All at Once (The first 8 chapters on AO3), Wincest (but none in this preview), Sam POV, WIP.

Words: 1,431

2003 and the Escape Velocity

Palo Alto, CA October 2003

“We’re going to Gstaad for the holidays. Again.” Brady rolled his eyes as if he was griping about a trip to the DMV. With his fork, he quarantined three olives to an unused corner of his niçoise salad, then took a cautious bite and grimaced, theatrically allowing his plastic fork to drop into the container just before he forced it closed. “I specifically said no olives and not to salt the greens. Why did I think eating on campus was a good idea?"

Sam wasn't even sure what was in his container. He thought he was ordering a salad, but it was actually mostly thin pasta. It also had more goat cheese than he thought was really necessary, which was any amount whatsoever.

Since a service-related rant from Brady could last for an hour, he ignored the question and hoped that his vague recollection about rich kids and Gstaad was correct. "I thought you liked skiing."

“Oh, I love skiing.” Brady pushed the plastic container away and wiped at his mouth with a napkin. “But this is theatre, Sam: Strings of tasteful white lights twinkling from the boughs of an eastern white pine that wasn't bothering anyone. The carefully tended fireplace. The flattering golden light that doesn't appear to have any source. The mulled cider that has either too much or too little Calvados. Five course meals served with brute-force cheer as only Germans can provide. Everyone politely overlooks the fact that my mother has been blitzed on vodka and Valium since the second day. Then it's time for the annual family portrait, for which our clothes were selected in advance to comply with a color palette that was agreed-upon the month before that. It was almost thrown into chaos this year by a controversial last-minute change from dove gray to a slightly softer dove gray. So a holiday in Gstaad is mostly just me standing around in an expensive sweater wishing I was skiing, but too drunk to do so.” He raised his mineral water imperiously. "Gesegnete Weihnachten!"

Too many times Sam had blown his scholarship cover by going wide-eyed at these stories. Not that Brady gave a shit, but still. Yachts, second homes, elite prep schools, brushes with celebrities? He might as well be reading The Great Gatsby.

As Brady explained it, there were three types of rich kids: Kids who grew up with easy access to a yacht, kids whose parents owned the yacht, and kids whose parents sold them that yacht so they could get a better one.

"Swap out yachts for horses, same thing."

Brady was the second type.

To his surprise, most of the rich kids here weren't eager to really show it off. They wore jeans and random t-shirts just like Sam did, theirs just weren't from Target. Their German-engineered cars were never more than two years old and in flawless working order, but not as showy as he would've expected. Half were fiercely competitive and the other half pretended not to care, with no in-between. But they stumbled into their first morning classes just as confused as Sam.

Then there was Brady, who thought subtlety indicated a lack of imagination.

Noticing the time on his watch, Sam collected the book from his last class from the table and stood. “Thanks for lunch, man. I have an art history exam in two days, and I can’t even tell you what happened in the last class, so I’d better get going.”

“Vasquez or Gray?” Brady asked.

He winced preemptively. "Barksdale."

“The serpent queen?” Brady intoned, horrified. “I had her for Intro to Greek Art as a freshman and I only lasted two sessions before I dropped it to get something else. Good luck.”

Sam clapped his shoulder as he walked away. "I'll need it."

When he got back to the dorm, Jerome, their dread-locked RA, slowed down in mid-jog to block him. Sam had yet to see Jerome actually walk anywhere, like he only had one speed. Maybe on speed. “Mack’s looking for you. Seems more pissed than usual."

He groaned inwardly at the mention of his roommate. “Did he say what about?”

Jerome shrugged. “If he did, I wasn’t paying attention. Just letting you know so you can brace yourself before you walk in.”

Sam thanked him, but Jerome was already out of earshot.

As he pushed open the door, Mack rose angrily from his bed. “Finally! Look, I told you I had to sleep today because the bus for Sacramento leaves at three this afternoon. And there's a damn phone somewhere that's been going off all morning. It's gone off like twenty --”

The ringtone of his old LG, which loudly mimicked the bells of an analogue phone, made the room go white around him. His hearing faded out for a second and his mouth tasted like metal.

“Twenty-one,” Mack amended angrily.

Sam went down on his knees and started digging around under the bed. Books that he wasn’t able to resell were shoved one way, binders and notebooks from past classes were shoved the other, until he saw the blue shoe box next to the electrical outlet. The red light that blinked to indicate missed calls played against the underside of the box spring.

A puff of dust rose up as he pulled the box forward, roughly separating the phone from its charger. More dust went up his nose as he flipped open the phone.

As if the muscles required to say it had atrophied from disuse, Sam's first attempt at the name failed to produce any sound at all, but his voice worked on the second try. "Dean?"

“Don’t hang up.”

That would've been his first impulse, but from the sound of his voice, Dad wasn't pulling his usual Gunny Highway shit.

In no universe was this good news.

The metallic taste in Sam's mouth intensified. It felt like his teeth were coated with it. From the floor, he waved his hand dismissively at Mack, who lingered curiously. He thought of a couple of cutting things to say ("better talk fast then"), but that wasn't what came out. "Is Dean okay?"

Was that weary laugh offended? “I hope so. How fast can you get to San Jose?”

It'd been two years and he was out of practice with Dad's condensed bursts of information, no extraneous syllables. “What?”

“San Jose, Sam. How fast?"

“An hour or so,” Sam answered faintly. “Dean’s in San Jose?”

“At a hospital on Forest Avenue, O’Connor.”

His chest tightened with panic. “Is he –”

“I don’t know,” Dad interrupted. “I could barely get them to confirm he was even there. You still have your old IDs?”

They were in the same box where he’d been keeping his old phone.

“Sam! You still got your old IDs?”

Right, nodding didn't work over the phone. “Yeah.”

“I told them that I was calling his cousin, Paul Di’Anno, and that you would be up there to see him. Please tell me you still have that one.”

Sam tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder and rifled through some personal records, class schedules, and dust bunnies before finding them. He quickly removed the rubber band and started thumbing through them. Phil Lanzon, Dave Brock, William McCafferty and --

He let the rest fall back into the box. “Got it.”

“Get up there as fast as you can. He’s under the name Terence Butler. If he can stand up, walk him out. I'm in West Virginia, there's no way I'll make it in time."

“In time for what?”

"I just found out a fresh felony warrant's been issued outta Nebraska as of this morning, blow back from a job we did there back in June. That ID's burned, and if what happened to him was bad --"

"The hospital has to report it."

"And I don't know if he had his gun on him when they brought him in or how fast the San Jose PD is gonna run the ID.” He could practically see Dad rubbing his hand down his face. “Sam, I'm sorry to ask, but I need your help.”

Did that hurt? Sounds like it hurt.

Sam bit it back just in time. "But what do I --"

He heard the beep of the call ending and pulled the phone away from his ear to snap it closed.

But what do I say to him?

Dad wouldn’t have been able to answer that one anyway.

Mack still hovered nearby, looking more intrigued than actually concerned. “Everything okay?”

Sam stood up and dusted himself off. "I need your car."

#spnfic #wincest #sam winchester #tyson brady #john winchester

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pass-the-bechdel · 6 years ago

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Marvel Cinematic Universe: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Seven (30.43% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Sixteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Significantly flawed, and well-known in fandom for it. Unpopular opinion? I still think it’s better than the first Avengers film.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Natasha and Laura pass in a single-line trade. It’s sooo close to not counting.

Female characters:

Natasha Romanoff.

Wanda Maximoff.

Maria Hill.

Helen Cho.

Peggy Carter.

Laura Barton.

FRIDAY.

Male characters:

Tony Stark.

Steve Rogers.

JARVIS.

Thor.

Clint Barton.

Strucker.

Pietro Maximoff.

Bruce Banner.

Ultron.

Sam Wilson.

James Rhodes.

Ulysses Klaue.

Heimdall.

Nick Fury.

Erik Selvig.

Vision.

OTHER NOTES:

Everyone talking about Strucker like we already know who he is...

The “Shit!”/”Language!” gag was funnier before they hung a lantern on it. Not least because it takes almost a full minute before Tony harks back to it (fifty seconds, actually. I checked). If you’re gonna make a Thing out of it, you gotta follow up immediately, not after fifty seconds of cutting around to different character intros and action shots and a whole lot of other dialogue.

Urrgghh, ok, I’m going to break my standing rule about not discussing source material, because we gotta acknowledge the colossal wrongness of re-writing the Maximoff twins - canonically Jewish Romani - as willing volunteers in a Nazi science experiment. It gets worse the more you think about it. There are a few things about this movie which generated significant negative outcry, and this incredibly offensive decision is one of them.

Tony and Thor fighting over who has a better girlfriend does have a certain charm to it. If you’re gonna have a testosterone-off, it might as well be about how great your partner is.

I got a zero out of ten on this out-of-nowhere forced romance crap with Natasha and Bruce. We’ll come back to this later.

“I will be reinstituting Prima Nocta,” Tony declares, as he prepares to lift Thor’s hammer and thereby theoretically take charge of the Nine Realms. Primae noctis (believed to in fact be a myth) refers to a supposed Dark-Ages law that granted lords the ‘right’ to take the virginity of any newlywed peasant woman who lived on their land. So, this is a wonderful little rape joke from Tony (or, y’know, not so little, since primae noctis in reality would make Tony a serial rapist). Ha ha ha ha. Hilarious. Good one.

I’m really mad about the parts here that are total garbage, because mostly, the revels sequence has a nice low-key quality to it, good solid team dynamics.

I can’t fucking believe that they played the ‘and then Bruce falls with his face in Natasha’s cleavage!’ gag. I cannot believe it. Is this a disgusting frat-boy comedy from the nineties?

Honestly, Tony, just shut up and admit that you KNEW from the get-go that it was wrong to try and make Ultron happen (that is why you kept it secret from everyone else to begin with); don’t try to defend the decision now that you’ve got a ‘murderbot’ on your hands. Take responsibility for a bad choice instead of talking shit about how you had to and everyone else is just too short-sighted, damn it!

Andy Serkis is delightful.

The Iron Man/Hulk fight absolutely KILLS the momentum of this film. It goes for way the fuck too long (eight minutes) and has no narrative significance at all. Pro tip for action scenes: they should always be driving the story somewhere. You can pull off eighty minutes of action so long as your plot is advancing alongside/within it.

Also, Iron Man causes a huge amount of additional damage during this fight, in the service of the aforementioned pointless action. His efforts to minimise Hulk’s effects are extremely poor, and calling in his relief organisation to clean up after the fact does not negate that.

Gotta love that throwing a wife and kids at Hawkeye at the same time as we suddenly start pushing this Natasha/Bruce thing. That’s not transparent at all. I also understand this to be a major deviation from Clint’s identity in the comics, and very unpopular with fans for that reason, but regardless; reinventing him as a family man to reset the romantic blather after baiting fans with the possibility of Clint/Natasha in the first Avengers movie is such a shitty move. I was not invested in the ship myself and would have loved to have them reinforce the just-friends relationship between Hawkeye and Black Widow, because there are not enough platonic friendships between compatible men and women in fiction, but 'they’re not interested in each other because they’re busy with someone else!’ is a weak reinforcement indeed. Less forced romances, and definitely less token wifey who exists for no other Goddamn reason at all. This comes out of nowhere, and not in a clever-surprise kind of way.

“You still think you’re the only monster on the team?” Natasha says, after telling Bruce about her sterilisation. This earned a HUGE backlash, and for good reason - despite all arguments about how what Natasha meant was that her being raised to be an assassin makes her a monster, the direct implication of her words as they are phrased and as the discussion is structured is that her inability to have children makes her monstrous, and that’s deeply offensive. It’s also completely in keeping with a narrative which is often played out against women, in which their value as people is attributed directly to their ability to produce offspring, so it’s not even like this outrageous implication of monstrosity - the corruption of what it means to be female! - is that unusual. It’s awful, but not unusual. Add on the fact that 1) Natasha’s nightmare-flashes specifically foregrounded her sterilisation over all other details of her training, supporting the idea that she believes that it’s what makes her irredeemable (instead of, y’know, all the murdering and stuff), and 2) this is Joss Whedon’s work and he is OBSESSED with highlighting the womanhood of his female characters and treating it like their defining trait while also variously punishing them for it, and you’ve got every reason to interpret this terrible fucking line as exactly the heinous thing it (presumably, unwittingly) seems to be.

Steve ripping a log in half with his bare hands is the funniest thing in this whole movie.

Thor’s brief side-adventure with Erik Selvig is pretty out-of-place. He just...goes for a swim in a convenient magic pond that Selvig chances to know about. Seems normal.

Ultron is full of such boring, empty rhetoric. Reminds me of Loki in The Avengers, with all that sound-and-fury.

I love Paul Bettany.

Man, they sure do find Natasha instantly. It’s almost like making a damsel-in-distress of her who needs to be rescued by the team was completely meaningless...

Breaking my no-BTS rule (since I already have done for this movie at this point) because it’s well-known how Joss Whedon ordered Elizabeth Olsen not to show exertion or ‘ugly emotion’ on her face in this film, because God forbid she compromise her attractiveness by being human. Joss Whedon is not human; he’s fucking trash.

The final fight sure does just, y’know, get to a point where it ends. They really did not ratchet up the tension over the course of the Sokovia conflict, it just goes along until it stops (also, they say Sokovia is a country, but then they never call the city anything else, it’s just Sokovia. Is the city conveniently named after the country (very confusing), or is it a city-country, like The Vatican? I kinda assume it’s option three, which is that no one bothered to care because it’s just some fake European placeholder anyway and we’re not supposed to notice such a dumb oversight).

“I was born yesterday.” This is the best quip in this whole thinks-it-is-way-wittier-than-it-is movie.

Helen Cho deserved better than to be a prop rapidly dismissed and then just trotted past at the end for an ‘oh, she survived, btw’.

Back when I reviewed the first Avengers movie, I said that I considered that film to be heavily overrated, so maybe it’s not such a surprise that I actually like this one better. The two primary problems I had with that first film were the overly simplistic plot, and the fact that most of the characters were OOC compared to previous films, and this movie does do better on both scores, so I feel more engaged by it, and less annoyed. That said...this movie has still got a lot of problems, and those include iffy characterisation and a plot with various holes, nonsensical complications, and conveniently ignored or smoothed-down dynamics. When I say I like this movie better than the first one, I mean just that: I like this better. That does not mean I am here to sing its praises.

The tacked-on romance is part of the problem - for Clint as well as Natasha (but especially for Natasha). After Hawkeye was so heavily under-used in the first film (and his slightly-ambiguous relationship with Black Widow was the only human element that made him a character instead of a prop), Age of Ultron attempts to compensate by giving Clint a personal life, in the form of a magically-appearing heavily-pregnant wife and a pair of nameless children. The function of this family appears to be 1) to give Clint a reason to not be interested in Natasha, and 2) to ‘humanise’ him by giving him something to fight for and get home to, because we all know nothing legitimises a character quite like some otherwise-irrelevant dependents. Want a man to seem lovable and important? Give him a pregnant wife. That’s what women are for, anyway, right? To enhance a man’s story? In this case, to provide a man whose purpose in the story has been contested with insta-personality, because ‘he’s secretly a family man, ooh, twist!’ is way better than having to spend time on giving him something to do in the plot that is actually meaningful in some way. Great logic. Makes Hawkeye super dynamic, right?

Natasha, unsurprisingly, is hit much, much harder. As the only female avenger and one of only two prominent female characters in a cast which has seven-to-nine male characters of equal or greater importance/screen time (YMMV on whether or not you think Fury and Vision count for that list), the pressure is already on for Natasha to be served up a quality narrative, because if she doesn’t get one, well...she doesn’t have six-to-eight alternative characters to pull the weight for her gender. The best solve for this problem would be to avoid the ‘Token Woman’ cliche in the first place, but since we missed that boat...not having the personal story of your only primary female character revolve completely around her womanhood and her catering to heteronormative expectations of a love interest would have been a good choice. This weird, forced, chemistry-free thing with Bruce Banner? Was the worst thing they could have used to define Natasha’s presence in the film. It sticks out like a sore thumb every time they have an awkward interaction, and it leads in to that atrocious ‘monstrous infertility’ element (though that particular egregious mistake could have been included with or without a romantic blunder, it...probably wouldn’t be, and we’d all be the better off). Even the Hulk-whisperer part of the relationship - while not awful on its own with all the unnecessary romance and Unresolved Sexual Not-Tension removed - serves to highlight Natasha’s female-ness by making her the soft maternal figure for the team, because God forbid one of the other male members of the team be asked to ASMR-speak to the Hulk while delicately caressing his hand. If Natasha’s presence in the first Avengers film leaned too heavily on her gender identity as a defining trait (and it did), this movie doesn’t fix that problem at all: it doubles down on it.

The good news for most of the excess of male characters is, they by-and-large don’t feel as OOC as they did in the first film. The boorish romantic entanglement aside, Bruce Banner is still a naturalistic character highlight (all credit to Mark Ruffalo, who probably doesn’t know how to turn in a bad performance in the first place), and Thor’s dialogue is way less ridiculous this time ‘round, so he lands a lot closer to his personality from previous films simply by virtue of sounding like the same guy (unfortunately, the plot does not have the faintest idea what it wants to do with him as a character). Steve Rogers is still being written as if being Captain America is his character, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of his identity, albeit one which conveniently allows him to behave in a stereotypical self-righteously bland manner, thus avoiding the need for any nuance in his perspective or actions. This borderline fanfic-flamer ‘Captain America is my least favourite character so I’m going to write him as a boring stick-in-the-mud and then hopefully no one else will like him either!’ approach doesn’t grate quite as badly as it did in the first Avengers, and it can’t cancel out the innate level-headed charm of Chris Evans, so as disappointing as the bias is, it’s still a better balance here than it was last time. The one character who is not so flatteringly handled, however? Also happens to be the one who was arguably handled best last time, and unfortunately, he’s the one who is essentially treated as the ‘lead’.

The big problem for Tony Stark is that this movie is not interested in digging in to the pathos of any character, it’s all-flash-no-substance on that front, and Tony really, really needed a less heavy-handed slathering of ‘afraid of what might come (feat. messiah complex)’ to motivate his actions and reactions in this film, because without any exploration he’s basically just a billionaire kid playing with matches. If this were an Iron Man film (either the first or third one, anyway), we’d get into some tasty deconstruction of Tony’s mental state and confront his hubris, etc, and - crucially, most crucial of all, it’s a mainstay of all his past stories in the MCU - Tony would own up to his mistakes, listen to the advice of those around him, and take contrite steps toward fixing the problem not just in the direct sense of ‘beating the bad guy’, but also in the personal and emotional sense of working on his own flaws and making amends with the people he hurt along the way. This movie offers none of that. To begin with, Tony’s ‘I know best and I will not be taking any questions’ approach to creating Ultron feels like a significant step backwards in his character development so far (Iron Man 3 was specifically about addressing his PTSD and associated tumultuous emotions surrounding the fear of imminent alien invasion, so his reactionary and secretive behaviour in this film feels particularly out-of-touch with a mental reality Tony has been explicitly working on for the past couple of years); Tony is actively aware that it’s a bad call and thus hides it from the other Avengers until it’s too late, and then he’s bizarrely unrepentant about his mistake. Worst of all, he actually attempts to repeat that mistake, only worse, late in the film (the fact that his idiotic ‘mad scientist’ pep talk actually convinces Bruce to help him again is the weakest character moment for Bruce outside of the aforementioned romance crap). The plot rewards Tony’s second, far worse mistake, in the creation of Vision, who turns out to be ‘worthy of wielding Thor’s Hammer’ and whatnot and conveniently provides every necessary skill to defeat Ultron in a deus ex machina so overt you could use it as a textbook example, so even though Tony had absolutely no way of knowing that he’d get a good result this time and almost every reason to believe he’d just compound the existing problem, his reckless disregard for the literal safety of the planet is treated like a good thing because it happens to work out this time, and they just kinda sweep under the rug the fact that Tony is playing God (and being uncharacteristically stupid and selfish about it - in other films, Tony is normally only reckless with his own safety, and it’s when his actions spill out into unintended consequences for others that he realises the error of his ways and cues up a positive learning curve; it’s what makes him palatable). At the end of the film, once Ultron is gone and Tony has thrown some dispassionate wads of cash into ‘relief efforts’, he strolls and quips and eventually drives off into the sunset in his expensive car, with nary a mention of, I dunno, maybe a little guilty conscience? Maybe a hint of having learned a valuable lesson? The closest he gets is just suggesting that it might be time he retires from Avenging, but neither he nor anyone else lets on that there’s a need for serious self-reflection. The Tony Stark in this movie is the nightmarish male-fantasy version of the character, the playboy with the cool tech and no limits who does whatever he wants and then...literally rides off into the sunset in the end, no muss, no fuss. He’s kinda like a complete reversion to his original self, pre-Iron Man, frittering money around and designing weapons of mass destruction while convincing himself he’s bringing peace to the world one explosion at a time, but that Tony has no business here, seven years of character development down the track.

While we’re talking iffy characterisation, we should also segue into plot, and that’s something we can do easily enough by looking at our villain, Ultron. Calling Ultron an actual character feels...ambitious. He’s a CGI robot full of empty rhetoric and, you guessed it, more of those quips that this movie has in place of any meaningful dialogue. I’d call him self-fellating, but he ain’t got nothing to fellate, so instead he just blathers a lot in a manner that sounds vaguely poetically intelligent but is, upon a moment’s consideration, just vapid nonsense (much like Loki in the first Avengers, as noted above, but at least Loki had the benefit of a flesh-and-blood actor delivering his lines with conviction; James Spader does solid work as the voice of Ultron, but trying to make a CGI robot who spouts a school-kid’s attempt at edgy philosophy sound like a genuine menace is an uphill battle). Speaking of genuine menace, I assume the reason the film is called Age of Ultron is because A Couple of Days of Ultron Causing Disturbances in a Handful of Specific Locations was too much. For all the big talk (and there is..so much), Ultron doesn’t get up to all that much trouble, most notably in the sense that he apparently has his code all over the internet and yet he doesn’t bother stirring up a single ounce of chaos with that ungodly power. Why bother including this as an element of the character if it achieves zero story? Is it purely to make Ultron seem ~unstoppable~ because he keeps downloading into new robots? Because it didn’t really land, y’all. They try to play it like a big victory for the good guys when Vision burns Ultron out of the ‘net, but in context it’s meaningless because he didn’t do anything while he was there. Pretty much everything about Ultron was all talk, little to no action - even a whole bunch of the trouble he did cause happened off-screen, with Maria Hill just popping in to let us know that ‘there are reports of metal men stealing shit’. Cheers, cool. And you know, Ultron makes a song and dance about how he’s going to save the world by ‘ending the Avengers’, but then he...does not pursue that at all. He tries to make himself a pretty body, the Avengers thwart him, and then he enacts a doomsday machine to destroy all life on Earth. Like every other aspect of the character, the whole ‘end the Avengers’ schtick is just white noise, there’s no meaning in it. Ultron is just a same-old-same ‘What if Artificial Intelligence wants to WIPE US OUT?!’ cliche, and maybe that’s what he was in the comics too, I don’t know, but it’s the job of the film to tell that story in a dynamic way, and they had two and a half hours to do it. And yet.

There should be more to this than a nondescript placeholder villain concept and a series of action set pieces that just kinda happen until they stop. At least the first Avengers had some variety in each of its action sequences, using the location and the different skills and weapons of its antagonists, whereas this one is just ‘there are robots and the good guys punched and shot them until they were all broken, the end’. Even making the city fly in the end doesn’t actually make it interesting, not least because the characters spend most of their time running around the (weirdly, perfectly stable) streets not having to deal with any consequences of being up in the air anyway, and the doomsday device is too nebulous to ratchet up any real tension about figuring out how to deal with it. The conflicts with the Maximoff twins have at least some spark of life in them, but the characters themselves are treated to an over-simplified and very contrived narrative arc that uses what they do and what they know more as plot devices than as details of actual people’s lives, leading to a cheap death for Pietro so that Wanda will be distracted enough to abandon the big ol’ doomsday button, and it’s just all so convenient. There’s no heart in any of it, and it makes the moments that try to have heart all the more embarrassing and out-of-place (don’t even get me started on what a prescribed attempt at tugging the heart-strings it is to have Hawkeye name his magnificently well-timed newborn after Pietro, because DAMN). When I said I liked this movie better than the first Avengers, I meant just that: I like this better. That’s not to suggest that it is significantly better in any sense, because it isn’t, and I can’t even argue that this one has a better story, because honestly, it doesn’t. The first film made more sense, it was just less interesting to watch, and the things about it that were contrived were contrived in different ways. The first film was weaker and more irritating on character, and character is always the most important part of a story for me, so as annoyed as I am by the major character blunders in Age of Ultron, I’m still not as annoyed as I was after The Avengers. That is damning with the faintest of praise; this is just not a particularly good movie, it makes a poor use of its cast at the best of times, delivers a sub-par action extravaganza, and the script is not half as witty as it gleefully convinces itself that it is. It comes as no surprise, I’m sure, that I am very glad a certain writer/director departed the franchise after disappointing everyone with this outing. I say I like this better than the first Avengers, but gee, it’s a close call.

#Avengers: Age of Ultron #Marvel Cinematic Universe #Bechdel Test #female representation #MCU #Age of Ultron #Avengers

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062467 · 5 years ago

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Rammstein Tag Game!

Rules: - Tag the person who tagged you, so they know. - Put your answers under the questions. - Tag as many awesome people as you want. - Feel free to do it if you weren’t tagged! Here we go!

I don’t remember who I was tagged by, this draft post is like 3 years old i’m sorry haha

1. If you get a chance to take a photo with your favorite member, would you like them to smile, make an interesting pose, be serious or something else?

I would honestly love them to smile, there’s nothing more precious than them, six men who do pyro, sing about eating humans and generally seem badass and scary, smiling.

2. If you could choose only one of the previous live performances to go to, which one would you choose?

opening of the Mutter tour, or the one when they played Lied von der unruhevollen Jugend or Pet Sematary. honestly, i’d just blind pick one of these.

3. How old were you when Sehnsucht came out? (1997)

-3:) kill me now

4. Which era (their appearance/look) do you think was the best?

MUTTER, THE RED FLÄMIN HOT CHEETO TIPS. or just the general full-on fed hair thing. but Reise, Reise was also flaming hot.

5. What’s your desired relationship with Frau Schneider? (wife, mother, etc.)

I feel like she’d be this one annoying aunt, who you love despite them being irritating as shit. love me some Frau.

6. Which hairstyle suits each member the best in your opinion?

Paul: the long hair, doesn’t matter if blonde or brown Till: his Herzeleid hair or the silver-ish Sehnsucht Richard: spiky black, like Ich-Will-video level spiky black. but I live for richard in long-ish hair... Flake: blonde Oliver: hehe. no but seriously a full beard suits him. Schneider: I feel like now is my favorite Schneider era. that or either the Sehnsucht one.

7. Which of the members do you think you’d get along with the best and why?

either Paul, because I’m a goofy mess, but can pose as intimidating, or Richard, because I’d constantly express my admiration for him. and he’d love that. on a serious note tho, I feel like we have some problems in common, as well as the supernatural thingy would be an interesting topic to tackle. idk, I’d do my best to get along with all of them.

8. Which of the members do you think you’d get along with the least and why?

probably Flake, Oliver or Till. I heard that Flake is cranky and seems shy, same with Oli, I’m shy too, so idk if any conversation would ever take place haha. and with Till I’d simply be too damn scared to say a thing. so there’s that. basically we wouldn’t *dislike* each other, there would be barely any contact lol

9. Who of the members would you like to see singing with Till?

hell, maybe Ollie or Doom, just because I never heard them sing with him, I think.

10. Which band’s song would you wish to see as a cover by Rammstein?

idk, they always kinda surprised me with their cover choices and execution, so I wouldn’t like to change that, they’re doing a good job.

11. Who of the members would make the best dad?

something tells me that Schneider is a really caring dad.

12. If you got the chance to interview Rammstein, what would you ask them?

how do you pick you setlist? what qualifies a track to be an opener?

do you come up with stage and outfits concept yourself, or is it suggested by someone else?

what flavor of ice cream would you be?

what is your most vivid memory from your childhood?

which era is your favorite?

do you have a vision of a music video for a song that never got one? or a different vision than the music video it got?

I’d rather not write all of it here. not because they’re inappropriate or something, it’s just, I don’t even wanna start writing some of them, because I’m gonna cry lmao.

13. Would you consider of doing a nude scene in Rammstein’s music video? (just you appearing nude, nothing too nsfw)

I mean, if course I’d consider it. it would depend on my shape at the time and just on that probably. doing acts and nude scenes is, supposedly, very liberating and makes you more comfortable with yourself, so why not. and hey - I’d be in a Rammstein video haha. (I’d probably not like the way I look and hate myself a bit for doing the scene)

14. If you could remake a movie(s) so that the main role is played by one of the members, which movie(s) would you like to remake?

my favorite movies are always pretty tragic or scary as fuck for the main character, so idk if I’d like to see any of the members in such state.

15. Who of the members would make the best husband?

I will go with Flake or Ollie

16. You can put eyeliner on one of the members, who do you pick?

well, Richard, obviously, since he doesn’t seem to do it anymore (which should be considered a crime, he looks so good in eyeliner jeez).

17. Who of the members would make the creepiest uncle?

Till. all the way lmao. like, imagine him on family gatherings doing all the hips and tongue movements aaaa.

18. What do you think about the “Pussy” music video?

I love it, it’s so funny to me. when I watch it, it’s always a mixture of being a tad uncomfortable, turned on and giggly.

19. If you could travel somewhere with Rammstein and pick a destination, where would you go?

I’d go to the place where they had the whole creative process (and recording, I believe) of LIFAD or Mutter. I’d just like to kinda re-live it with them.

20. Who of the members would be the best to get drunk with?

I’d love to get hammered with Paulchen.

21. Could you sing Engel with Till in front of thousands?

hell yeah, this is one of the few songs I feel comfortable singing. I’d love to do that even more if it was done like on 2019 stadium tour, on the b-stage, only with piano and rest of the group humming. ahh.

22. With which member would you agree to swap clothes with and with which one would you definitely not?

if we’re talking personal style, Paul has some poppin outfits, from what I’ve seen, Richard and his shirts, however... I would just let him rock them:)

now if we’re talking stage outfits, I’d LOVE to switch with Richard (especially the fluffy coat), there’s not really a person I wouldn’t switch with, as long as they’re not topless haha.

23. Which of the members do you think would win in a stripping competition?

Richard.

24. Which of the following would you rather be?

- Rammstein’s manager - Rammstein’s make up artist 🙋🏻‍♀️ - Rammstein’s bodyguard

25. Which of the members would make the best best friend?

Paul.

26. Which Rammstein song do you skip on your shuffle? (There must be that one song you just don’t need at the moment)

Stirb nicht vor mir. I’m sorry but I rarely can stomach it. it’s a nice song in theory, but there’s just something about it that I can’t stand, maybe it’s the other artist’s voice, I don’t know.

27. What would you do if Paul made a bad joke about you? (With good intentions but slightly rude)

I’d laugh and pretend to be offended for a quick second haha

28. Who would you give a stuffed animal and who a leather thong for their birthday? XD

I’d give the animal to Flake and the thong to Till.

29. Are you concerned about anything that has to do with Rammstein?

I’m always scared for them tbh. oftentimes I’m just petrified at the thought of stage/pyro malfunction, I mean what they’re doing is some really dangerous stuff.

besides, I’m scared when I think that they won’t be here forever, sometimes I’m scared that they won’t be there when I’ll be in my 30s, so I’m grateful for every moment I can cherish them and their craft, for every minute at the shows.

30. Would you like to get a tattoo that refers to Rammstein?

yeah, I’d like a couple.

31. Would you pet Oliver’s head?

who tf wouldn’t like to?

32. Which position in Rammstein do you find the hardest to be? (for example: the frontman, drummer, bassist etc.)

probably frontman, lots and lots of pressure, most eyes are probably on them, they have to use most dangerous props and move a lot, so it takes a physical toll as well.

33. If you could have one of the members with you in school/work to protect you from evil, who would you take?

oh damn, that’s an interesting one. Richard, Is love to have him around.

34. If you were in one of the boys position, would you feel awkward or strange when you see your face on a giant poster?

of course, I’d hate it, probably. after sometime tho, I’d get used to it.

35. Would you Flake dance with Flake on stage?

if only I could dance like him haha, but I’d love to try!

36. Do you think any of the songs are underrated or overrated and why?

obviously I think Du hast is a tad overrated, as for underrated - Nebel, Adios, Hilf mir, Dalai Lama, just off the top of my head.

37. Who of the members would make the best breakfast?

I’m gonna go with Ollie, he’s so stoic and always in great shape.

38. Would you like them to make a song in your native language? (If they haven’t already)

hm, Till made an intro to polish edition of Sehnsucht and it was very sweet to hear it, but I don’t think so, no. if it was like in Ausländer, one or two words, sure, but I never want to get over the excitement of Till speaking Polish haha.

39. Which Rammstein couple combinations do you ship?

I don’t I mean I love all the sweet moments they share, but I get a bit uncomfortable when people make it out to be a bigger thing than it is. of course I love to joke around about their bromances, but it’s as far as it gets tbh.

40. Would you join Richard in his spray tanning hour?

I mean, damn, I love being pale-ish, but we’d have to be barely clothed while in there, right...?

RIGHT...?

41. What Rammstein possession are you most fond of? (merchandise, album or other)

probably the Völkerball photo album, I love it. I particularly like to go to the index and search for pictures from Poland, it makes me very emotional.

42. Favorite song performed live?

Heirate mich or Was ich liebe.

43. Would you dare to touch Frau Schneider’s hair?

I’d beg her to allow me to.

44. Rammstein with beard? Yes/No

yes, except from Richard and Flake.

45. Which of the members would be the best for playing video games with?

Paulie or Ollie.

46. Red haired Rammstein or blonde Rammstein?

oh shit oh fuck, I’m gonna go with blonde just because red tips Rammstein>redhead Rammstein.

47. Favorite interview with one or all Rammstein members?

Viva Jam 1998, still have a copy on my computer, it’s my first and favorite interview.

48. Would you Till hammer with Till on stage?

what are these questions, of course I would.

49. Your favorite feature in each member?

Paul: smile creases Schneider: smile! Flake: I love his whole face, it’s so calming Till: eyes and lips, can’t choose Oliver: his chest and him being a friggin giant Richard: tummy and lisp (I hope it can be considered a feature)

50. If you could write a letter to Rammstein what would you write?

some cheesy shit I will not share here.

I tag @amura @gay-pengy @beauty-at-matrix @naraism @followthecreeper

#personal #rammstein #.txt #fav

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minaminokyoko · 6 years ago

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Avengers Endgame: A (Late, Incredibly Long) Spoilertastic Review

Well, it’s done.

I did it. We did it. We all watched the original lineup of Avengers’ stories come to its end.

So what did I think?

It was phenomenal. A worthy ending to a more than worthy series of films and stories.

There are just so many things to go over and so many points to hit that I have to warn you this review is likely going to be just as long as Endgame’s running time, so strap in.

Overall Grade: A-

Naturally, spoilers below.

I’m taking a note from a friend of mine and have decided that due to the film’s epic length and its history, the best way to tackle my reactions is first per character, and then I can evaluate things like plot and story and action. Just a heads’ up. So here we go.

Tony

Christ. I…wow, where do I even start?

There’s just so much to talk about with this movie and the arc that Tony Stark has been fulfilling since his first film. I almost don’t know how I can even put into words what I feel for this character. Tony came to us as this swaggering, arrogant diva, and yet the first Iron Man breaks him down to his core character. Tony Stark is a man with everything and nothing. He has the looks, the intelligence, and the resources to have everything a person could want, and yet he has no family and no deep connections with others aside from Rhodey and Pepper when it all starts. The core of the MCU was very cleverly built around the theme of Tony’s heart, and that’s perhaps why so many of us are devastated to know his fate. We all saw it coming. There was sadly no other way Tony’s story would pan out if we wanted to stick to his full arc. Tony could not rest until he knew the universe would be safe, and he made sure it would be before he left us. His legacy is incredible. It’s so…hell, to use a bad pun, heartwarming.

I guess the best thing to do in order for me to not just recap every amazing thing he’s done since Iron Man is to recap moments in Endgame for Tony that leapt out at me as exceptional:

-The intro with Tony playing paper football with Nebula. Stab me in the heart. That was so cute. It’s so very like Tony to try and keep her strong and keep her spirits up when they were literally staring death in the face. It was unexpectedly adorable, and even without us having seen the days they spent together, you could tell that Tony treated her in a mature-ish fashion and that’s why Nebula appeared to be affectionate, or at the very least, respectful towards him when she is usually very distant. You could tell they totally depended on each other and it was an important partnership. I was very, very touched when she scooped him up and put him in the seat when they were approaching their final day together. It’s such a powerful thing to see how far Tony has come, through the lens of Nebula showing such compassion for him even in such a short amount of time. I love how the Russos are so good at conveying thoughts and emotions and story without saying it outright. It’s an amazing skill in filmmaking.

-Tony’s arrival back to earth, and his confrontation with the Avengers. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. My fucking feelings, y’all. Christ. I mean, the Russos already know how to gut-punch you and then kick you when you’re down, but Tony’s complete and utter break down still hurts like a mother. It’s just so raw and emotional, and it should be that way after a loss on this kind of scale. What really tipped me over into choking down frustrated tears was that Tony just looks at Cap desperately when he stumbles off that ship and says in this broken voice, “I lost the kid.” He can’t even bear to say Peter Parker’s name. The shame and loss and guilt is too much for him to say his little Spider Son’s name. Oh, fuck you, Russo brothers.

And then the team being in utter shambles over losing to Thanos, all of them just barely holding it together, and then Tony just shatters. He’s home and he’s with family, but he can’t get over this kind of failure. What really tears it is him going after Steve so viciously, and it’s so complex. He’s angry at himself, and he chooses to direct that anger at Cap because we all know Tony took it as a personal loss, as all of them did, that he couldn’t stop Thanos even though he literally gave it everything. He gave every last bit, every last drop, of effort, and he couldn’t stop Thanos. It just hurts. And the resentment that was already between Cap and Tony after Civil War is still clearly there, so the entire scene is just like being dragged naked over broken glass. RDJ and Evans’ acting here is some of the best of the entire series in this scene. It sets the stage and reminds us of the stakes amazingly well.

-Tony’s post Snap life, and his interactions with his family. All of us Tony stans called it that Tony would be a phenomenal father. He’s already shown us that he can be the right amount of strict and caring, and everything with Morgan is exactly what I dreamt it would be. I could rewatch the scenes with Tony and Morgan a thousand times. People can shit on Tony all they want and I will never listen to them, because it’s so apparent how much and how deeply he cares in scenes like this. Where he confronts Pepper after he figures out the time heist equation. Years ago, Tony may have lied to her or made a decision without consulting her, but Tony has grown as a person and he approaches his wife with one of the most important things he will ever do in his life and he asks for her opinion before he does anything. It’s such a good comparison to how he used to be. Tony’s heart is so huge in this whole sequence. It’s such a good representation of his internal battle between doing what is right for everyone and doing what is right for him.

-Tony and Cap’s reconciliation. Oh, my heart. I love how Tony approaches it in such a Tony sort of way, forgiving Cap and agreeing to move past their resentment for what happened in Civil War. I like that it was done in a brisk sort of way, and that a lot of the power in the scene comes from RDJ and Evans’ facial expressions. Really, these two act off of each other so well that part of why we’re all crying so hard about this movie is the horrible knowledge that we don’t get to see them act opposite each other in this context. I pray they stay friends in real life, and I would love to see them reunited on screen someday. It’s such a great relationship and it’s at the core of why this is such a great film series.

-The New York heist. Oh God. I can’t wait for them to tell us if the comment about Cap’s ass was in the script or if it was an improvised line by RDJ or Paul Rudd. It is by far one of the funniest things ever to happen in the MCU. Dear God, I was howling. The best part is that during the premiere we were all laughing so hard that I missed Cap’s initial reply, which was, “No one’s asking you to look, Tony.” Christ, I can’t deal. I know it’s straight up Stony pandering but I don’t give a fuck, it was hilarious. And it’s a very meta joke since Chris Evans’ gorgeous, flawless body is a meme thanks to his Dorito proportions (if you haven’t seen that yet, oh god, please look it up) and the fact that he has an absolutely phenomenal ass, especially for a white guy from Boston. Anyway, Tony and Scott’s whole interaction was perfect, and I loved how the scene went and how it led into the next one.

-The army base heist. Tony running into his father was such a good twist. I absolutely did not see that coming, but it was a really welcome conversation to give Tony closure. He’s felt so guilty for how he left things with them, and it was so touching to see him get a second chance at it, even if Howard was none the wiser. I really hadn’t expected anything like that, but it worked well with Tony’s arc and I thought it was very sweet.

-Tony’s reaction to seeing his baby boy, his little Spider Son, running up to him. My God. This was everything. I am a hardcore supporter of the Iron Dad and Spider Son dynamic, and this was the reunion I so sorely needed after the sick, demented, painful scene that was the final moments in Infinity War. Like the rest of you, the level of trauma that hit me when Peter Parker died is just…hell, infinite. The pain was just infinite. I both love and hate Tom Holland and RDJ for doing that shit to us. I did not know I could cry that hard about a fictional character, but I openly wept to the point of sobbing when Peter Parker died in IW, and to see him back in this scene was so wonderful. In my second viewing, the audience actually clapped when Peter swung through the portal, and that was quite sweet for me to experience. But back to the point: once again, I have to simply compliment RDJ’s acting. This is why we love him so much. It’s not even about the big, loud moments. His acting is so precise that the flurry of emotional expressions that Tony went through when his tiny son helped him up and started excitedly babbling to him about being dead, of all things, and then Tony just doesn’t even interrupt him, he just walks forward and pulls that little boy into his arms and holds him tightly in a hug and it’s just…wow. This is some spectacular acting on both their parts, and it heals a really wounded part of my heart, even though the next scene I talk about just breaks it all over again. Plus, at the time I wrote this review, the Spider-Man: Far From Home full trailer just dropped and (SPOILER ALERT) the opening scene is Peter Parker and Happy mourning Tony and I just feel like someone hammered a stake into my chest. This scene is so fantastic. It’s just another reminder of how damn much Tony Stark cares about the people around him and that he has an actual family now, and that’s why the next scene is possibly the saddest one of all.

-Tony’s death. Like Loki’s untimely demise, I knew this was coming from years and years of being a writer. Based on the track for his character arc and because RDJ announced this is his final official performance as the character, I knew Tony was going to die. There was no way around it. His determination to save everyone and correct the wrong done to the universe by Thanos would drive him past his limits and cause him to sacrifice it all. It’s just…man. I wish it had ended differently for him. Anyone who follows me on Tumblr knows that I tag all Iron Man posts with “we stan Tony Stark in this house” and that is how I feel. While Tony is not my favorite Avenger, I will stand up for him all day, err day. Tony Stark is the epitome of the human spirit, and in a different way than Cap, if you ask me. Tony is all of the dark and seedy parts, but also the defiance and the self-deprecation and the obsession and the power of the human spirit. He has so many vices and yet so many virtues. He cares to a fault. He blames himself to a fault. He has come so far after that brutal conversation in Avengers when Cap accuses him of not being the man to lay down on the razor wire and let the other guy crawl over you. He made the ultimate sacrifice play. As much as I reject the idea, we all knew it had to be him. It had to be. Because at the end of the day, Tony’s need to make his family safe was more precious to him than his own life. He gave up a future with his loved ones to make sure Thanos could never hurt them again. And all of it was capped off with a line that will probably haunt me forever, of Pepper’s soft, forgiving goodbye, “You can rest.”

-Tony’s farewell message to his family. Want to know something crazy? I cried so hard at the premiere. So hard. I was almost dry heaving with how hard I cried at Tony’s funeral. But then I had a week of time and I saw it again this past Sunday. I was choked up during his death but I didn’t shed actual tears this time until “I love you 3000.” Somehow, it didn’t hit me until the second time how they filmed Tony’s goodbye to us. They shot it in such a way that as he leans down to turn off the recording, he’s actually looking at us. Not directly into the camera, but so close to it that it finally hit me that this was RDJ’s goodbye and thank you to the fans. It was so touching and sincere that I finally broke down and actually cried again. What truly hurts is knowing that his loved ones have to be without him, and even though his sacrifice means everything, he is going to leave behind such a void. Even with his problems and his flaws, Tony was a damn good man and he was the right choice to begin this epic series. I can’t express how much I am going to miss him and how much I am going to miss RDJ in this shared universe. He’s so charismatic and wonderful and complex. It was not only a comeback for Tony Stark, but a comeback for a very troubled man, and it’s come full circle that Tony had a loving family just as RDJ has a loving family after his checkered past. To be honest, I’m likely going to do as I did for Loki and have a cutoff point in my brain for the MCU, where I don’t accept what happened because it’s too painful. I just pretend that nothing happened after that hug with Peter Parker and they all won the day and no one died. That’s just how it’s gotta be for me to survive a post Endgame world.

Thank you, Tony. You gave everything. I love you now and always.

Thor

-Thor executing Thanos. Standing. Fucking. Ovation. Right, so, I know that Thor probably should not have outright killed Thanos before they had more information, but at the same time, there was nothing more to get out of that son of a bitch and I clapped when Thor swung Stormbreaker and lopped that mo’fo’s head clean off, and I flipped off Thanos’ corpse with both fingers. Good boy. He told you he’d kill you, and he killed you, you sorry bastard. A+++

-Thor’s depression and weight gain. Alright. *rolls up sleeves* Time to make some enemies. I think Fat!Thor is a great idea, but the execution could have been done better. I recognize writing tricks when I see them, and Fat!Thor seems to be two ideas in one, and one of them is what is bothering the semi-reasonable part of the fandom. What I’ll do is explain my take on both parts of the overall idea.

(1) Thor’s depression at his failure (at the time) to reverse the Snap and save everyone is 100% accurate, in character, and is damn good writing. Thor has never actually full-on failed at anything in his life. The closest he has come is between being cast out in the first Thor movie for being irrational and cruel, and in Ragnarok where he had to let Surtur destroy Asgard in order to save his people. Even then, Thor lost battles, not the overall war. Therefore, Thor does not understand how to process failure. Yes, he also failed to save his mother, but at the same time, it’s not a failure on this level. He lost Frigga, Loki, the Warriors Three, and Heimdall, but this was literally trillions of lives that he feels were weighed on his shoulders, and his shoulders alone, even though as Rocket pointed out, losing the war was the fault of a LOT of people, not just Thor (and not Starlord either, you bunch of whiny hypocrites in the fandom, ugh). So becoming an alcoholic and giving up on his life as a hero is definitely how Thor would handle things. Think about it. He no longer has any guidance from his family, or his best friend, since they died. All he has is his Avengers family and Valkyrie. I’m sure the Avengers tried to talk him out of it to no avail, and that’s a really sad thing to know, that they couldn’t get him out of his depression spiral, so they let him wallow in it. As for Valkyrie, she’s still just barely recovered from her own trauma, and I am sure she probably tried to snap him out of it too, but he was too stubborn to listen. What I like about this point for his character is that Thor is right—he has always been expected to be “worthy” and to be the savior. Thor is the big gun on the team alongside the Hulk. He has always been the bravest, the noblest, and the most powerful person on the team, and he is expected as a king to win the day every time. But he lost. And he can’t reconcile it since he has always triumphed in the end. So it’s very understandable for him to lose control and just want to have nothing to do with the hero business, because if you fail once, you can fail again, and he couldn’t bear the thought of failing again, not after it cost him literally everything.

(2) Fat!Thor was an easy source of cheap laughs to keep the mood from getting too dark considering the subject matter handled in this movie. I am of two minds about this issue. On the one hand, I can see why certain people feel that this is fat shaming. It is. But the problem stems from the fact that the fat shaming is still a large part of American culture, and people have not broken the bad habit yet, and so it gets shifted into the easy laughs category. The easy laughs are for the Average Joe viewer. It’s for people who aren’t as conscious of how it sounds to mock him for his weight gain who are just used to “ha ha, fat person jokes.” Some fans felt uncomfortable that he was the butt of a few jokes because a lot of us who suffer from depression know that this is in fact a side effect. When you’re depressed, it’s easy to stress eat and overeat, and you lean heavily towards comfort foods that cause you to gain weight, and your depression makes you tired, so you also don’t exercise and that’s how you can end up overweight. On the other hand, while I agree with these folks about not liking the fat jokes, I also think it was necessary to show a character we all admire falling into the same pitfalls that we as mere Midgardians deal with on a daily basis. I don’t like the jokes, but I do like Fat!Thor’s inclusion in this story because people need to realize what depression does to a person. It shouldn’t have been handled this way, but from a strictly observer perspective, I understand why they went for the low hanging fruit. People needed to laugh since Endgame has very, very dark elements to it. I would have preferred they approach his weight gain in a more dignified fashion, but not every part of this movie was written for me and I sadly have to accept it. That’s my feelings on it.

-Thor’s encounter with Frigga on Asgard. I. FREAKING. LOVE. THIS. I did not see it coming, and I love it with every fiber of my being. This is such a heartwarming scene. I want to rewatch it a thousand times. I love Frigga immediately knowing what’s up (she’s not stupid and of course she noticed and it’s everything to me) and I love that she can clearly see how distraught her beautiful son has become. I love Thor having a panic attack, because that’s extremely realistic after he’s gone so long not having done any hero work, per se, and having to face his previous failed relationship with Jane, and with facing the day his mother died again. It’s really compelling writing. Frigga’s gentle reassurance is exactly what he needed, and it’s exactly what we needed to see him go through. He had to let go of the expectations piled upon him and accept himself for who he is, not who he needs to be as a warrior king and an Avenger. While I do wish they had gone on to show us a little more of who he considers himself to be instead of who he is supposed to be, I am really excited to hear Chris Hemsworth is one of the Avengers who has chosen to stay past the end of Phase Three. He’s young and funny and vibrant and I think Thor is his best role of his career anyhow (no offense meant, Hems, if you ever read this, you handsome golden retriever, you). I think exploring Thor’s personal goals and future will be very interesting.

-Thor’s reaction to Natasha’s death. This is a very small moment, but I actually like it a lot. I like that Thor’s optimism here is a form of denial. I like it because there are certain Avengers who despite the 11 year saga have not interacted with each other much, and Thor and Nat are probably my leading example. When it hit him that they couldn’t use the time stone to bring her back, the loss and devastation on his face almost made up for the fact that Thor and Nat have almost no lines with each other in the film series. I like it because it hurts and because it shows that she does matter to him, even though they don’t interact. It’s a nice detail to include since I was often a little sad I never got to see these two have dialogues. I personally have even written a bit of fanfiction about what their relationship could have been like, and I think it could have been sort of brother-sisterly. It’s a shame we won’t get to see it, but I like that it is given attention here at last.

-Thor wanting to undo the Snap. Yes. This is a very good character beat for him. Again, I agree it’s annoying he ends up getting another fat joke thrown at him (nice work, Rhodey, sheesh, it’s not like the poor guy was traumatized or anything), I like that Tony talks him down. I like that Tony doesn’t think he can’t do it, he’s worried that Thor is in so much pain that he shouldn’t try to make such a rash decision that could cost him his life. Tony seemed dismissive, but I think he was trying to protect his friend more than anything else. I think Tony also knew that it would be rough if Thor either died or became permanently crippled by undoing the Snap. Being able to fight is extremely important to Thor, even with his depression, because Thor is essentially a space Viking. It shows that Tony is aware that Thor’s not just bumbling around as a chubby drunk, but he’s legitimately in pain and he needs to take things slower.

-Thor giving Valkyrie the throne. First off, I need to sling salt at the freaking part of the Thorkyrie fandom that is somehow complaining about this scene. Are you kidding me? What movie did you watch? This is the ultimate freaking Thorkyrie scene, you bunch of whiny nincompoops! Thor literally gave Valkyrie the throne because she is so smart, powerful, and kind that he trusted her to take care of the people he loves with all his heart. The amount of trust and respect that is in this scene makes me want to just squeal for hours. I can’t handle how affectionate and reverent Thor is as he gives Valkyrie the throne. I love the long gaze they share. I love the handshake. I love that Val asks when she’ll see him again. I love that Thor has faith in her and how she will lead his people. Anyone bitching that this is an anti-Thorkyrie scene did not see the same movie we did, and you can all piss off. I love this scene to my core. I love seeing Valkyrie being assured to be a relevant part of Thor’s story and that it likely means Tessa Thompson is going to join us again for either Thor 4 or Guardians of the Galaxy 3. I am a giant freaking fan of her character and I can’t scream “SIGN ME THE FUCK UP” loud enough for her to be in future films with him, and with the MCU in general. I hope she signed a three movie deal or more. That would be amazing. But anyway, my point is, this scene is fantastic and I will be rewinding it a lot when this movie gets to DVD. Nothing makes me happier than Thor shooting heart-eyes at Val, and he was shooting them so hard in this scene that he even took his sunglasses off. God bless this scene.

-Asgardians of the Galaxy. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THIS BUT I LOVE IT WITH MY ENTIRE FUCKING SOUL YOU GUYS. Everything about Thor hanging out with the Guardians makes me so incredibly happy. I can’t wait for shenanigans. I would assume the plot of the next one is finding Gamora and bringing her home and re-teaching her about her family and falling in love with Quill again, but who knows what wackiness awaits us? I can’t deal with Thor being a little shit to Quill. I could see his Hemsworth peeking through, and I am here for it. Half the reason we all love Thor as much as we do is that Taika was one of the first people to suggest letting Hems be more like himself, and Chris Hemsworth is basically a giant, hilarious puppy, and it really made Thor more fun and likable. Don’t get me wrong—I loved my noble prince, but he was still a big golden retriever even when he was more Shakespearean and all they truly did was dial it up to be a bigger part of his personality.

Really, I like what Thor went through in Endgame and how it connects with lots of elements in previous movies. While parts could have been done better, I thought it was fantastic and it shook things up in a way that should be quite intriguing for his future appearances. Of everyone, Thor is the character I am most excited to learn about continuing to be in the MCU.

Natasha

-Natasha taking a leadership role in the Post Snap years, and her conversation with Steve. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a die-hard Captasha shipper, but more than that, I think the friendship and love (platonic or otherwise) between Nat and Steve is by far one of the best relationships in the Avengers saga. I love how it began, how it developed, and where it is when we watch this scene of them together. I love how soft and gentle Steve is with her, and yet he teases her in this subtle way that’s almost like a verbal hug. Steve is just so compassionate and conscious of her emotional needs, the same as how she has been with him. I think this is such a precious relationship and it’s vital to both of them that they have someone to confide in when times are hard. It’s possibly even more beautiful because they aren’t canonically together as a couple; they’re just two friends who have bonded and been partners ever since The Winter Soldier, and they without a doubt love each other. (Side note: and I am not alone in this because Chris Evans even ships it, and that makes me so very pleased.) I gobble up all Captasha scenes, honestly, because it’s so well written and it’s come a long way from the first time they met in Avengers. But to get a little more in depth, Nat’s brief breakdown about Clint is really something else. Seeing her struggle with the idea that the man she loves (again, platonically) has become a monster, and struggling with the idea that she should move on but she can’t because she’s lost her family, is really damn hard to watch, but it’s necessary. It’s a really good reflection of the level of loss and trauma and pain our poor Avengers have had to deal with since the Snap. It’s an excellent scene.

-Nat going after Clint to bring him home once they figure out that the time heist is at least possible. Ow. This is another scene that is a big kick in the nuts. “Don’t. Don’t give me hope.” “I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you sooner.” Bury me, this is such a good, quiet little scene for her. I really like their friendship and their bond. When Nat mentions family in the previous scene, this is what she’s talking about, and I love how Endgame might be the first film to openly acknowledge that the Avengers are family to each other. And what I like is that this series has earned that. Nothing makes me angrier than when people drop the F-bomb where it is NOT deserved. (*side eyes Suicide Squad and Deadpool 2*) The Avengers have fought and bled for each other, have supported each other, and have loved each other through hell and back, and they ARE a family. Bringing Clint home was a big deal to her, facing her fears of what he’s become, but seeing that he is still somewhat the man she knows and loves because he does return to the fold in the end.

-Natasha’s death. Hoo boy. Okay, so like Tony and Loki, I might just stick this in my Denial category. I was hit with a huge wave of “oh no, please no” when I found out Clint and Nat would be the ones going to retrieve the Soul Stone, because of course it had to be them. However, it was thematically the right choice for it to be Clint and Nat, since I personally think the only other combination it could have been was Steve and Tony or Steve and Nat in terms of “give up that which you love” that the Red Skull illuminated is the price for the stone. I think all the team members genuinely care for each other, but if I wanted to use the word love, yes, I’d say it comes down to members of the team who truly love one another, it’s Tony and Steve, Clint and Nat, and Nat and Steve. So I am in a very weird place about Nat’s death in this movie.

First off, I love how it was handled because it couldn’t have gone any other way. Of course both of them wanted to jump on this grenade for each other. Of course they both think they are the unworthy one who should die for the other person they love. Of course they fought over it.

Here's the thing, though: from a writing standpoint, it did need to be Natasha.

And before we go further, let’s address the elephant in the room fandom-wise: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU MORONS, THIS IS NOT THE ‘STUFFED IN THE FRIDGE’ TROPE. God, I hate you sometimes, MCU fandom. I knew as soon as she sacrificed herself that all the fake feminists would run into the streets and climb onto their soapboxes and try to call the Fridge trope. Shut up. It’s not a Fridge.

For those not familiar with the trope, Stuffed in the Fridge is when a typically female character is unceremoniously killed off for usually one of two reasons (1) to cause a male character to angst (2) to further or advance a male agenda somehow.

Natasha’s sacrifice is neither of these things.

First off, it was her choice. Clint made it completely clear that he loves her and he did not want her to die for him. One of the primary problems with the Fridge trope is it robs the woman of her choice, and Nat is the one who decided that she would be the one to die for the Soul Stone. Calling this a Fridge is a blatant, insulting erasure of her motivation as a character.

Second off, Nat’s death is a sacrifice that wins a war. It’s not pointless, and it’s not just for angst, and it’s not just for a male character to get ahead in the story. She literally saves trillions of lives by trading her soul for the stone. Trillions. Yes, the team is devastated, but her death is not simply there to make you shed tears and nothing else. She saved them all. So don’t you dare try to pin this dumb trope on her, because it’s not accurate or correct.

Third off, this completes Natasha’s character arc. We’re introduced to the beginning of her arc in the iconic scene of The Avengers where she tricks Loki into revealing his scheme, but it turns out that while she does succeed, we find out what motivates her, and that Loki’s cruelty did affect her in the end. Clint was sent to kill her, but he shows compassion and instead recruits her. Clint gives her a second chance. And Nat, in sacrificing herself for the Soul Stone, gives Clint a second chance. It’s come full circle. One of my all-time favorite lines in this entire film series is hers, “I got red in my ledger; I’d like to wipe it out.” That. Is. A. Fucking. Great. Line. And this is the pay off and the completion of Nat’s character arc. She’s done horrible things and they have been chains on her soul and she felt that she needed to repay her debt in this way, and in a way that would save so many innocent lives. I will not have these people running around discounting that and acting like she is some victim. Natasha Romanov is not a fucking victim. Natasha Romanov died a hero. She is one of my favorite Avengers and I cried so hard at her loss, but I acknowledge that she did a brave, selfless thing for everyone she loved, and she will be remembered for that always.

Now. That being said…if you want to complain about a female character dying in a majority male story, yes, go right ahead. That is a legitimate complaint. It sucks that Nat died when most of the team is male. I will heartily concur with this criticism and offer no counterargument. It sucks. Period. I hate that she dies in the first act because I really love her fighting style and I wanted to see her kick more ass in the final battle because she’s amazing to watch. So yes, that’s a point I do take off from this movie.

In the end, I’m sort of straddling the fence for losing Nat, as I am with Tony, but I think a lot of people feel the same way. It is great writing, but the loss is so painful that I might not accept it totally.

Thank you for your bravery, Nat. Seriously, you’re one of my favorite female leads and you’ll be sorely missed. I can only hope the Black Widow movie helps me deal with the pain of losing you.

Steve

-Steve quietly taking all of Tony’s trauma-fueled ranting. This is so important. Chris Evans is so fantastic at acting in general, but all of his expressions as Tony lays into him are so underrated, man. He knows that Tony has reached a breaking point, and so he offers no vitriol in return. It’s a huge contrast to the scene in Civil War where the two of them argue. Steve is by no means a timid man. He recognizes that Tony is in such pain, as are all of them, and he just takes that rage because he knows it’s just how Tony chose to process everything because he can’t come to terms with it. We know he blames himself for being unable to stop Thanos, same as all of them do, and it’s such a testament to what a good man Steve is that he doesn’t fire back at Tony, and he is deeply concerned for him instead. Especially when Tony throws it back in his face that they’d lose together, and that’s what hurts the most during this scene. Tony was alone when he lost. Nebula was the only survivor, and she was a complete stranger to him until they repaired the Milano and tried to get back to civilization. I think Tony would still be angry and traumatized, but he’s always been able to look to his team members for ideas or comfort or just companionship in hard times. He nearly died, and that left a mark on him that ran so deep he just couldn’t stop spitting vitriol at possibly one of his closest friends, and it’s also important that they hadn’t spoken since the end of Civil War, so all of that anger and resentment is also tangled up inside them both. What a scene, man. What a scene.

-Steve mentoring people in the Post Snap years. This has a couple of really great things as a scene, honestly. First off, I love that even with Steve being heartbroken and refusing to move on, he still knows it is important to help others. Second off, I love that it’s almost implied that this is in honor of Sam Wilson, who did the same thing for soldiers who returned home from war struggling with PTSD. I really, really love Steve Rogers with all my heart for this scene. Even though he’s broken down and just as devastated as everyone else, he is still out there trying to help others. That is who he is at his core. Steve is the man who cannot stand by and let other people suffer. He won’t do it. It doesn’t matter what it costs him. He will defend and protect and nurture, always. By God, I love that about him.

-Steve’s quiet reconciliation with Tony. We discussed this above, but I love that Steve says so few words here and lets Tony do all the talking. There’s an almost silent “I’m sorry and I love you and I want you to be happy” in this scene together. Tony bringing back the shield just…my feelings…oh God, my feelings.

-Steve’s miniature speech before they head into the Quantum Realm. I love that even Rocket is impressed.

-Steve’s reaction to Nat’s death. Fuck. Me. Up. This hurt so badly. I can’t. I can’t with how Steve looks at Clint and Clint just looks back at him, and you can almost hear him telepathically saying, “Steve, we lost her.” Like I said before, Steve and Clint without a doubt love Natasha. Yes, Bruce does to some degree, but it’s not the same (sorry, y’all, I think BruceNat was trash and I will never accept it because it was forced and awkward and made no sense to me) as the deep vein of friendship and love she had with both men. It killed me when they were out on the dock and Steve was openly crying for her. We saw Steve crying in the trailer but we didn’t know this was the context. Oh, this hurts me. Steve loved her with all his heart. She was his best friend, same as Sam and Bucky were, and to lose her with no chance of ever getting her back is a terrible, terrible loss. Boy, this scene was rough to endure. I can only imagine how he must have felt having to let her go after he’s lost so many people he loved. Poor Steve.

-The entire New York heist. Oh God. I’m just in heaven over how Steve handled things, everything from the intentional recreation of the iconic elevator scene in The Winter Soldier to the insidious “Hail Hydra” (*makes strangulation hands in the direction of the Russo brothers because they KNOW most of the fandom hates Hydra Cap from the comics and so of course they put that in there just to screw with us*) to the smug smirk on Cap’s face as he walked away with scepter to Cap laying the beatdown on himself to Cap acknowledging his sweet, sweet, round, perfectly firm ass. (Seriously, Chris Evans, if you ever read this, marry me, we already met and hugged each other, we could make this work.) Yes. Special props to Cap vs. Cap’s interactions. It was just…everything.

-Steve wielding Mjolnir. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. So everyone’s already raved about this scene, but I don’t care, I have to rave about it too. Good gravy. Good God. This scene is everything. Honestly, it is easily one of the greatest things ever conceived not only by the MCU, but in action movies period. This can stand toe to toe with some of the best beatdowns in all of cinema. It’s just…where do you even start with how good this fucking scene is?! I mean, every second of it is just glorious. Whether it was the Russos or Evans or the script writers, whoever I need to thank, THANK YOU. Thank you for gift wrapping this total surprise. Every one of us was wounded that Cap didn’t easily lift Mjolnir in Age of Ultron, but at the same time, I loved the humor of that scene when Mjolnir did actually start to move and Thor totally panicked for a second. It was funny as hell. But for the Russos to fulfill our fantasy in a way that was not only a surprise, but just an absolute joy to watch, I can’t even express my fangirl tears. This scene is better than sex and chocolate and cocaine. It’s flawless. Everything about it is flawless, from Steve summoning the goddamn lightning to Thor’s gleeful “I KNEW IT!” I wish I could frame this scene on my wall in .gif form, and I apologize in advance to all my Tumblr followers, because the second this scene is giffed after the DVD release, I am going to reblog it three billion times. I will never stop reblogging it. This is the height of MCU perfection and it deserves to be known as such.

-Steve facing off with Thanos in his last stand, and actually holding his own. Dude. Steve Rogers is a human man, and he withstood Thanos. I just…I can’t with how awesome it is. He lost in the end, but he beat the shit out of Thanos for a good bit and I just have to give him all the props for that. He did the impossible and survived him. That’s amazing.

-Steve strapping on his broken shield and staring down Thanos and his army. This is peak Steve Rogers right here. “Yeah, you have thousands of soldiers. Yeah, you sheared my shield in half. Yeah, you beat me and my comrades. And I don’t give a single solitary fuck.” This is also an amazing echo to the moment in Infinity War where poor Wanda had to kill Vision, and Cap stood up to Thanos with his goddamn bare hands. Steve standing up after getting the shit kicked out of him is what he is all about. He doesn’t care that he is outnumbered. He doesn’t care that he is outgunned. He is Steve motherfucking Rogers and he is going to stand against evil period. This is top tier stuff, man.

-“Avengers Assemble.” Like everyone else, I jizzed in my pants. Full on. We all had a hunch that they would save it until the final Avengers film with the final appearances of the original team, and it was everything we dreamt it would be.

-Steve catching Stormbreaker as well and then trading it with Thor mid-battle. A tiny but hilariously awesome scene. I’m so glad they included it, and it was another little nod to Steve and Thor always having a small adorable friendship moment in each Avengers movie. Thanks for that, truly.

-Steve passing the mantle over to Sam Wilson. Holy shit. So a lot of us were relatively sure with Chris Evans confirming this as his last full appearance as Captain America that the mantle would go to either Bucky or Sam. My money was on Sam, simply for him still being new blood having entered at Phase 2 in the MCU, and because Sam is a lot more of a dynamic main lead that I think the MCU needs in the role. Anthony Mackie, as any hardcore MCU fans know, is a bundle of fun behind the scenes. He’s really hilarious and charismatic, and I think he’ll bring a lot to the role of the new Captain America. It’s such a touching scene as Steve hands him the shield. I really, really get choked up about how it was handled with such respect and trust and honest to God friendship. “How does it feel?” “Like it’s someone else’s.” “It isn’t.” Wow. What a beautiful scene. I’m a little misty as I type it out. And I do like that there was just this little nod from Bucky, who has been antagonistic to him pretty much all the time but here, he shows his support and it’s kind of just known that he will back Sam up no matter what. I cannot express how much I love this idea and its execution. It was perfect. (By the way, please look up the way Anthony Mackie found out about this before filming. It’s too cute.)

-Steve’s ending. Oh my God. Of possibly everyone on the team who I wanted to have a happy ending, I wanted Steve’s the hardest, even though I love Tony to death and beyond. Thank you, Russo brothers. Thank you for letting this man have his second chance at a life, and that he got to spend it with Peggy. I was already crying from the funeral, but the fact that they decided to end the saga with possibly the sweetest imagery in the MCU is just overwhelming. I loved their little slow dance. I love the tears of joy on Peggy’s cheeks. I love the softness in Steve’s expression as he dances with his lady love. I love the song choice. I love how he just looks down at her and she looks up at him and they kiss to close everything out and say goodbye to us all. What a scene. What an ending. I love it more than anything.

Thank you, Steve. Thank you for being our ray of light and sunshine and guidance all these years.

Nebula

I really did not expect to see an arc for Nebula, but I am delighted that we got it. This was very, very interesting considering what a sadistic murderess Nebula was in the previous films, so fueled by rage, and yet here we see that she is still powerful and effective and yet vulnerable. I enjoyed seeing her growth and getting some amount of closure with Thanos’ demise and saving Gamora as well as the rest of the universe.

Bruce

So here’s the thing: Bruce is probably my least favorite Avenger, next to Clint, but that’s not because anything is wrong with either character—I just find their personalities and abilities the least interesting. Therefore, I’ve heard complaints about Hulk not kicking ass in Infinity War and Endgame, and while they are valid points…I don’t care. I guess the thing is that Hulk has kicked ass in all his previous appearances, and I think it was nice of them to get back to the fact that Bruce is indeed a scientist and there is more to him than just crushing things. He is a very conscience driven character, and I was totally fine with him as a supporting member of the team, and of his brave decision to Un-Snap everyone back to life. I especially liked his sympathetic approach to bring Thor back home. “You helped me.” I fully admit that made my lip quiver, honestly, since Thor was obviously so traumatized and was in a lot of pain, and Bruce was gentle with him. That, to me, is just as important as all the bashing he could have done. Same with his impassioned plea with the Ancient One. Sorry that he didn’t kick ass in these last two movies, but honestly, I felt things were balanced and that it’s important to show he is more than the Hulk.

Clint

As mentioned above, Clint is my least favorite Avenger, but again, not because there is anything wrong with him or that he is written poorly—the others just outweigh him in what I like about them. I have to say opening the film with Clint losing his entire family with no knowledge of what was going on was almost as gut-stabbing as how Infinity War began and ended. It was somehow even more cruel since Clint would not have known what was going on until he called the Avengers. And yes, someone’s pointed out to me that it’s crazy he didn’t know about the war, but I have a headcanon that he just cut everyone off once he decided to retire, and he wouldn’t answer when they called so he wouldn’t be dragged into more shenanigans. I highly doubt the whole team just flat-out didn’t tell him what was going on. There’s a good chance Clint decided not to hear from the team again after Cap busted them out since he risked everything and almost got jailed for life after his decision.

All that being said, I did feel Clint’s loss very hard after Nat sacrificed herself. It was extremely well done on Jeremy Renner’s part and there was never a doubt that he loved her. Their bond has always been very cute and I never shipped them, so I wasn’t disappointed by the reveal of his secret family. I thought it was a nice touch and a surprising turn in the story. I’m glad he got to go home to his family in the end, and I especially liked the touching moment he shared with Wanda after Tony’s funeral.

Loki

Holy shit, y’all.

I did not expect this, and I love it more than anything in the world.

Right, so, I am sadly a fan of Loki’s ever since The Dark World, but at the very least, I am not a rabid fan of the character. He is an absolute fucking trashlord and I acknowledge it while still loving him anyway. I was positively giddy that they invited Tom Hiddleston back to shoot new scenes of Loki rather than simply using the old Avengers footage. And I definitely didn’t expect Tony, Cap, and Scott to screw up and Loki gets the Tesseract and vanishes. This is amazing. I can’t wait for the Loki mini-series on Disney Plus, and I assume this is what it’s going to be about. I’m really excited to see what kind of shit he gets himself into, and I loved the little bits we got of him mocking Cap even though they all just kicked his ass, and I loved him rolling his eyes in the background during the heist, and being the only one who knew something fishy was going on. Love, love, love it to pieces. Thank you for giving me more of my stupid trashlord, Endgame. You rock.

Scott

Oh, poor, poor Scott. Not only did he awaken to find his new family gone, but he lost five years of time with his daughter. Ouch. I really have to commend Paul Rudd for the reunion scene with his daughter. The shock and pain mixed in with the gratitude that she survived the Snap was so palpable. I’ve never really considered him much more than an easy going comedic actor, but he did a great job here. Kudos.

Gamora

I am really, really deeply hurt that this means our Gamora, the one we came to know and grow with, is truly gone. Like many fans, I had hoped she was somehow inside the Soul Stone and they could bust her out, but like Nat, it appears that we did truly lose her. I’m not okay. I feel so bad for Quill, who wooed her with so many great moments, and now he’s lost her again. He’ll have to try to make her fall in love with him again, and it hurts me because the sequence of events from the first two Guardians movies are how they fell in love, and it’ll be so much harder to make her understand what they meant to each other and what they had with one another as well as their little stitched together family. Damn it all. This might be one of the biggest underrated losses of all for me. Gamora is my favorite Guardian, period. I adore her, so I am both anticipating and dreading the third Guardians movie as a result.

Carol

Alright, I do have to admit one of my letdowns, even though it’s a total nitpick, is that the trailer gave us Thor and Carol, but the actual movie did not. Oh, why did you lift my hopes up this way?! I really wanted Thor and Carol to bond and have hilarious pissing contests about who is the strongest Avenger, and become battle buddies! However, this might be possible later since we know Hemsworth has agreed to at least one more film, if not more, so fingers crossed he and Carol share screentime. I adored that “I like this one” scene and Thor would play very well off of Carol if you ask me.

That being said, when Carol came back for the final fight…yassss bitch yassss fuck it up! When she came after Thanos, he was fuckin’ shook and I am here for it. I loved that failed headbutt. I want to frame that on a wall. Carol Danvers is not having any of your shit today, you purple Grape Ape punk ass bitch. She laid down the law, and it was glorious. 11/10 good shit of Carol whupping his ass and he had to suckerpunch her just to try to win.

And kudos for the utterly adorable interaction she had with my Spider Son, “H-Hi, I’m Peter Parker.” “Hey, Peter Parker. Got something for me?” *kisses fingertips* This could not have been cuter. Thank you so much, Carol.

Oh, and extra kudos for the Ladies of the MCU smackdown moment. My God. I loved every second of that assault. Please make that into a whole separate team someday and make a movie about it.

Wanda

Standing ovation for Wanda in every respect: her entrance, her powerful line (“I don’t even know who you are.” “You will.”), and the fact that she flat-out almost killed Thanos by her damn self. Wow, wow, wow, my girl. You brought the pain. I miss Vision too, honey, and I’m so sorry we can’t have him back. It’s so unfair that she’s lost her brother and her love within this story, but she still manages to keep going. Wanda is a testament to just how strong women truly are in spite of adversity.

Plot/Story

I know some fans didn’t want it to be as straight-forward as it appeared to be with them going back in time to grab the Stones and undo the Snap, but I was honestly fine with it. The story still managed to genuinely surprise me, especially with the development that the two Nebulas are what caused Thanos to find out what was going on. Holy shit, that was very creative and a great way to let her be a central character considering the trauma she has been through and overcome. I thought the pacing was excellent, and I will have to sit down and think it through but I don’t feel as if we had unnecessary scenes aside from the diner scene being a little longer than it needed to be. (You could have cut the photo op bit out and no one would miss it, for instance.) Like Infinity War, I felt that all the scenes had a use and showed us something, and the action was magnificent and creative. The Avengers pulling the entirety of the MCU together in the third act is some seriously iconic stuff that I really hope people will take into consideration as a legendary thing no one has ever really done before.

A friend of mine mentioned that you can neatly divide Endgame into three sections of story: build up, heist, and pay off. One of the best things about Endgame, to me, is the pay off. I love how many continuity nods we had and how many threads were tied off in a satisfying manner, from deeply emotional relationships to just sublime action sequences. We have so many films in this series that it’s hard to rank them, but I have to say I really would put Endgame in the top 10 for my preferences. It was a worthy ending to such an amazing set of films, and while I will miss the actors who won’t continue past Phase 3, I am incredibly grateful for their time and talents spent on this franchise. It is in its own category, honestly, with consistent quality in nearly every aspect it attempts. I think it was the perfect mix of solemn but affectionate goodbyes and bright, hopeful new beginnings. I am excited to see what is in store and what new ground we’re gonna break with the future stories.

So thanks for everything, Endgame. I’m glad to have had this era come to such a satisfying close.

See you in the funny papers.

Kyoko

#avengers #avengers endgame #endgame #spoilers #movie review #film review #the avengers #marvel #Marvel Cinematic Universe #mcu #spoiler alert #no really this is 14 pages long #i am so sorry but i had a lot of feelings okay #sorry not sorry

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