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skzhua · 1 year

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i'm gonna stay ('your eyes' series)

♡ "I could use some company."

pairing: yang jeongin x reader.

genre: fluff, slight angst.

word count: 7,896

warnings: swearing, crying, mentions of mental breakdown, mentions of abuse, mentions of bullying.

summary: jeongin has one job: do the laundry. living with jisung who was a mess maker, he has no other choice but to be the responsible one of their dorm. waiting for the clothes to be dry, he hears cries, yours. how could you be so pretty even while crying?

a/n: after almost 5 months into the making, i am finally done with this story?

SERIES MASTERLIST

Exhausted from his day, Jeongin finally got home. Walking to the elevator, he met with Hyunjin, the boy who lived in the apartment above his dorm.

"Hi." he smiled and joined his friend inside the metal box.

"Hey." he smiled back. "Done with work?"

"Yeah." Jeongin exhaled. "It was a long shift, but I had more customers coming in so not as bad as usual. And you?"

Hyunjin sighed in exhaustion as he shook his head. "My day was shitty. I've been watching Hyunjoo since the beginning of the semester just to be sure she's doing okay."

Jeongin had heard about the pretty freshman. Her and Hyunjin were the talk of the school since they were undeniably the perfect duo of siblings. Both were attractive, talented, smart, insanely sweet and more. While most guys would be seeking for her attention, Jeongin had left her be each time he would cross paths with her. He was too busy to be ogling some pretty girl, let alone his friend's sister.

The elevator came up to his level, so he left Hyunjin alone and went to his dorm. Opening the door, he smelled a horrid odor coming from Jisung's room. Coughing, he knocked aggressively on his door and the sweet Hwayoung answered instead.

"You're here again?" Jeongin asked, in a ruder tone than initially intended.

"Yeah, I brought kimchi with some jjajamyeon and fried chiicken." the girl smiled awkwardly.

"Smells like shit." he said under his breath before looking at Jisung behind her. "Dude, we talked about this. We cleaned this morning!"

"I swear I'll clean up the trash after!" Jisung hurried to response before closing back the door.

Hwayoung and Jisung were one heck of a duo too. While she was much more responsible than him, they were equally messy. Jeongin was not. He did not mind Jisung's room being disorganized, as long as he would help around the apartment. For that, he had to force him quite a bit. The only thing Jeongin didn't mind doing for the both of them was the laundry. First, it allowed him to get away from his friend who could be a lot to handle. Second, he liked chatting with Byeol, another student living in the same building. Third, it allowed him to see a freshman girl he thought was the prettiest he had ever seen. She might be the reason on why he didn't think of Hyunjoo as that attractive.

So, that day was no different than any other day. As he heard laughter coming from his roommate's room, he gathered his clothes and the ones that were laying around the living room. With that, he left to head to the laundry room. Byeol was already there when he arrived, looking at her phone as she waited next to the dryer.

"Hey, Innie." she greeted, her eyes still stuck on her phone.

"You're here early." he frowned, since he thought she had class at this time.

"I'm skipping today. I was not in the mood to fall asleep in my three hours class."

He nodded as he started to load the machine. She kept silence until he was done.

"Have you seen Hyunjin earlier?" the girl asked.

"We talked a little bit, yes. Why?"

She shrugged and looked back to her phone. "Nothing."

Jeongin rolled his eyes at her. It wasn't the first time she asked him about the tall man and it probably wouldn't be the last. He was about to respond, until his attention was taken away by the door opening. Just then, he exchanged glances with you.

And you simply froze, eyes wide open. Byeol looked back and forth between the two of you, but you didn't pay attention to her. Yang Jeongin was staring at you, this was enough to make you forget about your surroundings. Byeol ended up bumping her sides to Jeongin and he broke eye contact with you. She waved at you kindly and you gave her a weak smile before walking to the furthest washing machine from them.

"Is she new?" Byeol asked Jeongin in a whisper.

"No, I've seen her around. I think she's in my gym class but I'm not sure."

"She's cute." she said as she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

"So is Hyunjin." he smiled widely and her teasing grin dropped immediately.

"You're an ass."

"So are you!" he shot back.

The beep of her drying machine went off. She sent a glare to him as she took her clothes back.

"See you around, Yang." she waved at him.

"What?" he said in panic.

"What?"

"You're leaving me with her?"

She glanced at you. You were reading what seemed to be a school book as you sat on the ground, your back on the wall.

"Don't be shy, she seems nice. Besides, I have other things to do." Byeol pointed out.

He huffed. "Like watching your drama again?"

She ignored his comment. "See you later."

And then she left, leaving the man alone with you. You wanted to run away back in the comfort of your room, but your roommate, Sora, had invited her friend over and you weren't going to feel any better there.

"Hi." Jeongin suddenly spoke and you realized he was now standing next to you.

As you were still sitting on the ground, you looked up at him and your face became red. "H-hi." you managed to stammer out.

"I'm Yang Jeongin, I live on the second floor. How about you?"

His smile was too adorable for his own good. His eyes disappearing while dimples suddenly popped up on his cheeks, you found him so attractive. Getting up on your feet, you bowed slightly out of politeness.

"Y/N. First floor."

"Nice! What is your program?"

A good-looking man talking to you in the first week of school? That was already too much for you. Mumbling a quick sorry, you took off and left the room, heading straight to your dorm. Closing the door behind you, you found Sora and Chan chatting about whatever while you were out of breath. The girl had been understanding about your social issues so she immediately got up from her bed to check up on you.

"What happened? Do I need to beat someone up?"

"Woah, no one is beating anybody up." Chan exclaimed in panic from her friend's words. "Y/N, are you okay?"

"Someone talked to me." you said almost in a whisper.

"Were they rude? Mean? Insisting on something?" Sora asked in a worried tone. You shook your head as a no. "Just your social anxiety then?"

You nodded. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"Don't be sorry, I understand. Do you want me to get the laundry for you?"

"And I can leave if that helps." Chan offered.

With a small nod, they left your place together leaving you alone. You exhaled loudly in relief and buried yourself in your bed. This fear of people had to go away and frankly, you had nothing to be scared of. However, as you kept repeating yourself that, the image of your small figure walking in your high school hallways remerged. Yeah, maybe not now. This was something you could work on later.

Unfortunately, Jeongin didn't know about your... problem. He saw Chan and Sora come back to fetch the clothes you had previously left behind but you weren't there with them. He brought his things back to his dorm, trying his best to ignore his loud roommate laughing his ass off with Hwayoung, and went to his room.

Dialing a number on his phone, he waited for the other person to answer.

"Innie?"

"I scared her off."

"What do you mean you scared her off? Who are you talking about?"

"The cute girl I've been telling you about."

Seungmin laughed from the other end of the line. "Good going."

"No but I don't get why. I didn't say anything other than ask her name and what was her program."

"You have a scary face though."

"Dude, I was smiling the entire time."

"Well, you got her name at least. What is it?"

"Y/N."

"Ah, Y/N! She's a regular at the café."

Jeongin rolled his eyes even if Seungmin couldn't see. "Everyone on campus is a regular at the café."

"Right." he laughed. "She's very shy from what I've seen."

"So I've noticed."

"Don't overthink about it, I'm sure she just isn't used to cute boys like you asking her out."

"I wasn't asking her out and by the way you're talking about me, looks like you'd be the one who wants to date me."

"So much to cheer a friend up."

Jeongin chuckled. "Alright, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

"Got your coffee prepared already."

"Hi, Y/N!"

You jumped in surprise from the sudden voice. Looking around you, your eyes landed on Jeongin running to join you at your locker. Your breath cut short for an instant as he waved at you with a cute smile forming on his lips. You bowed lightly to greet him back but your sweaty palms were a sign you were very much not put together.

"I wanted to apologize for the other day. I was only trying to be a nice neighbour and I didn't mean to scare you."

Poor him. You couldn't help but feel the guilt take over you as you listened to his much useless apology. He didn't need to be sorry, you were the one at fault.

"It's fine." you replied in a small voice. "I need to go, sorry."

And you left again, closing your locker shut in one move before speed walking towards your next class.

Jeongin frowned as he watched your back. Was he doing something wrong? Sure, he wasn't that good with making friends but he did think he was nice enough with you. Trying to not question himself, he ran out of the school building to go start his shift at the local convenience store. His boss asked him to come in last minute to train a new worker and being the perfect freshman student he liked to present himself as – albeit not being anything close to the truth – he agreed immediately.

Walking in, he spotted a girl standing awkwardly behind the counter. She looked not much older than him but he could tell she wasn't his age.

"You must be Eunhee?" he asked which grabbed the girl's attention.

"Yes, that's me." she laughed in awkwardness. "And you must be Jeongin?"

"That's right! I'll be in charge of your training."

The first few hours consisted of Jeongin showing around the store and explaining a few tasks to Eunhee. Not wanting to put her on the spot on her first day, he let her unpack the boxes of new products to fill in the aisles while he stayed at the cash to serve customers.

"Changbin!" he called out to the man who was about to step out of the store. "Don't forget to ask Chan to come this time."

Changbin left with a laugh and this caught Eunhee's attention. She abandoned her cardboard boxes and went to join Jeongin.

"You've know the last five customers' names, how?"

He shrugged. "I've worked here since last semester, I recognize a few people. And I'm friends with some popular guys so I get to know many other students."

She nodded her head slowly. "And I just heard that you know Chan?"

He gave her a knowing look as he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Are you interested in him?"

"What?" she immediately spilled out in defense. "No, I just bumped into him a few times, that's all!"

Jeongin continued to tease her. However, it didn't last long as she went to the back of the store to complete other chores. And just then, the bell rang which indicated that a new client had walked in and the man couldn't do much more than freeze in place. There you were, standing at the entrance as you looked around with lost eyes. Jeongin really started to wonder why you always seemed so scared, but then again, he was afraid himself to ask.

"Hello!" he welcomed you kindly.

Taken aback, you crisped as soon as you saw there was somebody staring at you. It didn't help that it was Jeongin, with whom you seemed to be encountering a lot lately. You bowed rapidly and ran behind an aisle to hide. You had two options : either you buy something quickly and leave or you leave the store right away even though you had just stepped in. Concluding that the second option would be even more embarrassing, you hurried to pick out random instant ramen cups with a few other snacks before dropping them all in front of Jeongin. He eyed your items for a moment and then started to scan them. You were growing anxious whether he was judging you for the amount of food you were getting for yourself or not.

"I like these too." he chuckled as he scanned your strawberry milk. "Good choice."

"Thanks." you mumbled.

He gave you a warm smile and went on with his task. Although you hadn't been the best classmate, he still remained extremely nice to you. It wouldn't hurt trying to open up a little, no?

"I'm in healthcare, by the way. You know, what you asked me the other day..." you trailed off, unsure if you were being weird or not.

His head shot up right away as you spoke. Was he dreaming? Were you really the one initiating the conversation?

"That's great! What year?"

"Freshman."

He grinned. "Just like me! I'm in specialized education."

Your mouth formed an 'o' shape as you nodded your head slowly. "That's fun."

"Yeah."

And the conversation was cut short as you paid for your things and left with a small wave directed to him. You didn't wait to see if he waved back as you ran to your dorm to barricade yourself once again. To your luck, Sora wasn't home yet so you had the place for yourself. You were proud to have been able to chat more than what you thought to be capable of, but the loud banging in your torso couldn't be ignored. You were still insanely anxious and you hated it.

Walking to your nightstand, you opened the bottom drawer and took out a photo album out of it. You hadn't opened it in years and it was your aunt who insisted on you taking it with you. With a deep breath, you opened the first page and analyzed the figures of your parents holding you as a baby. They seemed loving in the image but you knew it was nothing more than a show they put on.

You flipped the page and then came upon a picture of your first day in kindergarten. While the smile on your face couldn't be wider, the bruise on your leg was so evident. The way your father held onto your hand would look normal if it wasn't for your fingers turning red from being crushed.

Next photo was of you with your neighbour that was slightly older than you. It looked like you were friends but it was far from the truth. He was your first bully and had picked on you for years until you finally convinced your parents to change schools. And then your experience in high school...

"I'm home~"

You jumped at the voice and close the album in a swift motion before hiding it under your pillow. Sora looked at you curiously until it changed to her nagging face.

"Y/N, I thought we agreed to look at it together when you feel ready."

"Sorry." you murmured.

Her shoulders dropped. "Don't be, it's alright. I just don't want you to react strongly to it without having anyone around in case you need help."

"I'll wait next time, I promise."

"Good." she nodded, reassured.

A couple of weeks passed and you were discouraged to realize your semester might be even harder than the previous one, but that was on you for choosing to work in healthcare. Luckily for you, the lack of social interactions did help in focusing on your studies.

Yet, it didn't please your flatmate to see you submerged in your school books. Being the great friend that she was, she begged you to come eat with her for your lunch break.

So, here you were... In a crowded cafeteria, following Sora like a puppy while she laughed along with Chan. More focused on trying to not spill anything from your tray, you didn't participate in their conversation until you heard your name being mentioned.

"Y/N can do that." Chan said.

Confused, you looked at Sora for an explanation. "What?"

"Nevermind." she shrugged it off.

Chan nudged her and pointed to somewhere among the tables. "Hey, Sora, look. We should join them."

As you realized he pointed towards Jeongin who was sitting with a girl, your body stiffened. "I don't think we should do that." you said in a small voice.

"I thought you knew Jeongin and got along with him well." Chan frowned.

"We don't want to impose ourselves." Sora tried to back you up, well, you thought that was what she was doing.

"It can't be too bad. Plus, Eunhee is very easygoing. Let's go."

You really didn't want to go but seeing that there was nothing Sora could do to change Chan's mind (and you were definitely not going to try to protest), you followed along. You came face to face with Jeongin and had the courage to greet him with a small 'hey' before Chan asked them if you could join.

"I haven't seen you around much these days." Jeongin said to the older guy.

He munched on his rice before speaking. "Meetings and work... I can barely keep up with my own life to be honest. Student council is harder this semester. I believe it is because of the amount of new exchange students we got."

Jeongin nodded. "Well, as long as your grades are fine, I guess."

“Which makes me think of..." he started and turned to Eunhee. "I talked with Mrs. Ko.”

“About?” the girl asked in confusion.

“About you.”

She choked on her food and Jeongin was quick to pat her back to soothe her. Your gaze drifted away from the scene, not wanting to interrupt what seemed to be a personal moment between them.

“What do you mean, me? What did I do?” she asked after calming down.

Chan laughed nervously. “She asked me if I’d be interested in tutoring you.

The two other girls started to laugh which grabbed your attention again, meeting eyes with Jeongin in the process. His face was as red as yours and it did reassure you in some way.

"What’s funny?” Chan turned to the two of you.

“I mean, do you even have time to tutor? You barely have any time for the guys and I.” Jeongin answered before looking back at you.

You tried really hard to look away but the sweet smile he had could not be ignored. Luckily, Sora came to your rescue, consciously or not, as she asked about some random things. He coughed to break the weird ambiance and continued to eat in silence, leaving you to chat with your friend.

There was a reason why you preferred to eat alone with Sora, and Jeongin was the proof on why so.

Jeongin let out a long exhale as he stepped on, yet again, another one of roommate's socks. He didn't even know why he bothered trying with Jisung anymore, it always ended the same. He let out grumbles as he picked them up and threw them in his basket. Hearing Hwayoung let out giggles from the other room, he closed his eyes shut in annoyance. He liked both of his friends, but dear God, they were something.

Walking down the stairs, he got to the laundry room where no one had started to use them yet. Good, Jeongin deserved a break. Loading up the machine, he turned on some music on his phone as he wasn't going to bother anyone. He whistled to the melodies peacefully and quickly put everything in the washer. He had previously done a load of black clothes so he moved these to the dryer, still humming happily to his music. As he was about to settle on a chair to wait, he heard another sound that didn't seem to be coming out of his phone nor his own mouth. Pausing the song, he furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, trying hard to figure out what this noise was about.

A small whimper was all it took for him to realize someone else was in the room. Not only that, they were crying.

You were crying.

Shit, did he scare you again? Carefully, he followed your sobs and easily spotted you sitting on the floor, leaning on one of the machines. You were curled in a ball and your face was buried in your knees. Though he couldn't see your face, he knew this was probably a sight you didn't want people to see. He could have easily left you alone but something in him told him to check on you.

"Hey." he said softly as he crouched down to be at your level.

Your body froze. You thought you were alone, you made sure you were alone. Well, crying in a common area wasn't your best idea either.

"Hey." you mumbled before another sob took over in your throat.

He immediately scooted closer and rubbed your arm. He let you cry a couple of seconds more until he asked "It's silly to ask but are you alright? Do you need anything?"

Thinking for a second, you ended shaking your head as a no. "I'm not fine but I will be."

He wasn't convinced at all. Standing up, he walked towards the door. You, of course, thought that he didn't want to waste his time on you and that he was leaving. But what he did next surprised you. Taking a key out of his pocket, he locked the door and came back to sit next to you. You looked at him curiously, tears still streaming down your cheeks.

"I figured me seeing you like this is embarrassing enough, so..." he explained shyly. "If you want me to leave it's totally-"

You allowed yourself to smile a little. "I could use some company."

He nodded slowly. "If you don't mind me asking, what is it? I'm a good listener, you know?"

"Nothing much, my father reached out to me, that's all."

You surprised yourself by even telling him this brief piece of information. He seemed to appreciate your trust as he hummed for you to continue. You weren't certain if you were supposed to say anything to him. He was still a stranger to you, but a damn attractive one. And from the past interactions you'd had with him, he was nothing but a sweetheart. Having one more person to lean on other than Sora wouldn't hurt.

"I haven't had the best childhood, let's say. I was... rounder than I am now so I got picked on as a child. I did lose a lot of weight in high school but it was apparently too much because I was mocked for having the skin to the bone... And my parents were never the best to me so-"

You coughed on your own words, not being able to finish your sentence. He didn't try to make you speak more and gave you a empathic look. He hesitantly pulled you closer to him. While this took you by surprise, it felt so comforting. Still shy, you snuggled a little into him, your cries eventually toning down.

"Has it stopped?"

The whisper from his part startled you but you couldn't ignore the care you heard from his tone. Hesitantly, you nodded your head.

"Then, why are you crying now if things are better?"

You bit your upper lip as you looked away from his direction. "It's not that..."

The silence after that was all it took for him to get that you have shared enough. He allowed himself to scoot closer and turn your face to his with his hand. You body tensed again but for different reasons this time. You never noticed how good-looking he was. Well, you did, but you had a good close up to his features now. You gulped out of nervousness.

Just as you started to think you had been staring at each other for a bit too long, a loud ring came from the dryers. Jeongin backed away with a cough and stood up to check what it was.

"I assume this is your machine?" he said as he stopped in front of the dryer you had previously loaded.

You joined him and thanked him before starting to fold your clothes, putting them back in your basket. You hurried to do so as you still felt his eyes on you. Clumsily, you bowed to him while muttering out a "thank you for earlier" and rushes to the door.

Jeongin chuckled upon seeing your struggle to open a locked door. "Here." he said before coming to unlock it.

"Right." you laughed awkwardly before stepping outside.

"Wait." he called out before you were completely out the room. "If you need someone to listen or to hang out with, I'm only a floor above your place."

You sent him a smile. "I'll consider it."

And you left.

Minho repeatedly threw his grapes up in the air before they lended in his mouth. He munched happily while Sora was laughing her ass off, a little too much in your opinion.

"Y/N, your turn." he said with a mischievous smile as he held up a grape.

You didn't mind Sora having a new friend, but you surely would have preferred to have Chan around. Minho was fun but could be a bit much for you. And considering the repeated calls you were getting from your dad for the past few weeks, you would have been more at ease with only Sora around.

"No." you shook your head to his offer and he sighed.

"Come on, Sora did it. Your turn."

"No."

He gave a look to your friend and she shrugged. "She doesn't want to, it's fine."

He pouted but was quick to be distracted by Sora holding his hand. The dynamic between them was so weird, you felt like you weren't supposed to be there. She assured you he was only a friend but the way they looked at each other told you otherwise.

Discreetly, you took your tray and went to find another place to eat alone. The time being the common break, there was little to no space available for you. Since Sora was that busy with her not-boyfriend, you took the sandwich with the fruit punch juice box and left your tray next to the trash bin before heading outside. There were still chances that the café was filled but at least there was going to be less people, less noise.

Walking in, you were immediately greeted by Seungmin's hand wave. He was already chatting with a girl so you didn't interrupt them. Scanning the place, you saw Chan who was studying with Eunhee and, a bit further, you spotted Jeongin. His eyes focused on his screen, he frowned as he continued to type on the keyboard. Your feet already were moving towards him before you could even think and you found yourself standing in front of him. Having his earbuds plugged in, he didn't hear you but you still allowed yourself to sit at the chair opposite to him. That's when he finally realized there was someone joining him.

He blinked a few times before taking out one earphone. "Hi?" he said, sounding more like a question than anything.

"There was no place left and I figured you wouldn't mind if I sat here."

"Of course I don't mind." he confirmed. "Aren't you with Sora?"

"She was with Minho and we both know how they have been recently."

He nodded his head slowly, still confused by your presence. "And your next option was me?"

You shrugged because you weren't even sure yourself on why you walked to him. Again, your body moved by itself.

Jeongin offered to get you something to drink but you refused, telling him to focus on his school work instead. Still, a couple of minutes later, Seungmin came with two coffees. It was his break and he was originally going to drink one and give the other to Jeongin but seeing you with his friend, he gave up his drink to give it to you. Although you argued with him to keep it, you gave in because why would you say no to coffee.

"I think I deserve a break from this." Jeongin exhaled as he shut his laptop closed. "I've been working on this paper for hours."

"What is it about?" you asked.

"The teacher gave us an example of a situation we could potentially encounter when working with children with special needs and we have to explain how we'd react and interact with them."

"Fun." you commented before taking a sip of your drink.

He let out a chuckle. "Not so much. How about you? Healthcare must be demanding."

"We have a week or so before the finals start so it's okay for now. I don't have much to do other than studying, anyway."

"I see."

There was then a comfortable silence settled between you two. As you finished your drinks, you both opened your computers and studied for the next hour or so. Glancing at each other a couple of times, it was nice, For the first time, you felt like you didn't feel like you absolutely needed Sora around to be calm. This was a good thing with her being busy with Minho. Plus, it couldn't hurt to have a friend other than her.

"I have a shift in ten minutes." Jeongin said as he started to put his things in his bag.

"At the convenience store?"

"Yeah, I'm starting to be broke from how many drinks I pay for here." he let out a laugh. "This was nice, by the way."

You smiled. "It was. We can do it again another time."

"Sure. Uh, can I have your number? Not in a weird way, of course. Only so we can contact each other if needed."

You blushed a little but still gave him your number and he gave you his.

"Have fun at work." you said as he was getting up.

"Thank you." he smiled widely.

You watched him get out of the shop and sighed loudly. You were proud of yourself. Most importantly, you really liked the boy. As a person, of course.

"You'll come, right?"

You hummed, not even having heard what Jeongin asked you. The next weeks since that day at the coffee shopp were mostly the two of you studying together, sometimes walking back to your dorms together. Other times, you'd meet at the laundromat or at his job to chat some more. This time, since summer was nearing, you went outside so he could hang his sheets to dry while you sat on a bench to read and study.

"Y/N, you're not listening." he sighed.

You hummed again. "Yeah, yeah."

He gave up on hanging the blanket and came to sit with you. "You're stressed about the exam, aren't you?"

He wasn't totally wrong. You had been anxious about it for days now, but you had also answered one of your father's calls by accident the day prior, causing your mind to drift away. That forced you to actually speak with him and let's say it didn't go very smoothly. Having left your parents to live with your aunt instead, they separated and your mother moved far from the family home. That might have made your dad realize how abusive he was towards you and your mother as he had nothing left but it didn't mean he automatically stopped being so. The call was short but harsh. He wanted you back home, but you said you would never go live with him again.

"Y/N?"

"What?" you said as you finally woke up from whatever haze you were in.

"Are you alright? You've been a bit off since we got here."

You shook your head. "I'm sorry, I didn't sleep quite well."

He took the book from you and you huffed, offended. As you tried to get it back, he stood up and extended his hand to you instead.

"Take a break, come on."

"No."

"You need to. Come."

You rolled your eyes but took his hand nonetheless. He put your book away and led you to where he was only minutes ago. You helped him with hanging his bed sheets and assumed he was also cleaning Jisung's since there were more than one person would need.

"You're oddly quiet today."

"I always am."

He had to give you that, you weren't the most talkative person he knew but your aura was off. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"You're lying."

"Maybe."

He chuckled. "I'm serious, I'm here if you need to spill out whatever is bothering you."

You sighed. "Nothing important, my dad called me again. That's all."

"Well, that clearly did something to you. What did he want?"

"It's nothing, I swear."

He gave you a look. "Y/N."

"Just... He asked if I could live with him again."

He scoffed. "He has some guts to ask this from you."

Jeongin had been informed of your abusive relationship with him, not from you though. Sora told him in case something happened because she wasn't around as much and she still cared about you. Of course, you were extremely hurt she would tell him such things without your consent but with how well Jeongin took it, it didn't last long.

"I said no and hung up."

"Good." he nodded. "Now, forget about it and help me with this."

You looked at the pile of pillowcases and started to hang them. From afar, you saw Hyunjin coming home, probably after a class as his backpack wasn't even closed fully. Upon seeing the two of you, he joined you and gave a side hug to his friend.

"Have you seen Byeol today?" he asked.

You both shook your heads. "I have not but I can tell you if I do see her." Jeongin said.

"No, it's alright. We haven't had time together lately, that's all."

"Aren't you two living together?" He got a nod from Hyunjin as an answer. "Odd... By the way, are you coming to Chan's party?"

"I don't think I will. Hyunjoo wants me to but I would rather stay home with ice cream and a good drama."

You smiled weakly. "That's kind of sad." you commented, surprising both men.

"As if you were going." Hyunjin said, perking an eyebrow.

"I might go. Sora asked me to and Jeongin is definitely going... It might be good for me."

Hyunjin frowned. "Uh, that's a first that I'm hearing from you. Well, I'll leave you two, I still have a sculpture analysis to finish up."

"Good luck!" Jeongin waved as Hyunjin went inside the building. "I really wonder if Byeol will be there... Eunhee too... Or anyone." he laughed a bit.

"Ask the whole school while you are at it." you joked.

"I just might" he joked back. "It's the party of the year before the summer break, of course I want to know will be there. I'm surprised you want to come, by the way."

"That much?"

He tilted his head to his side. "Come on, I thought I'd have to force you out of the dorm."

"You won't need to."

You laughed and went on with your chore. Another comfortable silence settled as you both hummed to the music he had put on his phone. As you were minding your own business, you heard Jeongin let out a loud gasp.

"Oh my, this blanket is so soft! Why does Jisung get to have nice stuff?"

You chuckled. "Is it that nice?"

"You bet it is!"

In a matter of milliseconds, he engulfed you with it, throwing it on both of your heads. Your heart stopped working as you took in the proximity of your bodies. You didn't know whether the smell was him or the blanket. Regardless, it smelled amazing and the fabric was, indeed, very soft.

"Yeah, it's very nice." you managed to say in a small voice, avoiding his eyes at all costs.

"Yeah." he said quietly, a gulp following. "I'm glad we are friends."

You ignored the squeeze in your chest that you had no idea where it came from and smiled. "Me too."

And with that, he brought you closer into a hug. It felt nice having him this close. He was warm and comfortable.

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

You jumped away from Jeongin as you heard the voice. To no surprise, Jisung was smirking at you in a teasing way. Jeongin cursed him out, insisting that he goes away. He did but didn't forget to tease you some more as he stepped inside.

"I'll let you two have a moment, lovebirds."

With an awkward cough and a face as red as a tomato, Jeongin tried to ignore what had just happened by giving you the last pillowcase you need to place. You followed his behaviour, acting as if nothing was going on, but you most definitely wanted to ask him what it meant. Or that could wait. Yeah, you would wait.

Sora asked you thousand of times if you were sure you didn't want her to wait for you before going to Chan's place but you assured her you would be fine. She was needed there in advance and you preferred not standing awkwardly as her and Chan were setting everything up for the party. You had picked out an outfit with her before she left and you were now staring at it, wondering if you made a good choice.

As time passed, you set your mind on stopping to stall and you changed clothes, got your purse, and left your place. Luckily, Chan's apartment was near yours so it didn't take long until you got there. You were both glad and dismayed by that as it meant you were getting closer to seeing Jeongin. Your heart was pounding more and more as you approached the front door. Hesitantly, you finally knocked on the door, Changbin greeting you with a hug. You didn't even know him that well but hugged him nonetheless, despite being rather uneasy by the gesture.

It wasn't the first time you went there. Sora had dragged you a few times in the past so you knew your way around. Still, with the amount of people there was already, you felt a little overwhelmed. It was almost to the point you regretted coming. That feeling, however, was long gone as soon as you spotted Sora. She was already chatting with some people you didn't know so you restrained yourself from joining her, until those people left. With no hesitation, you sat with her on the couch she was at and she welcomed you with a hug.

"I'm surprised you found you way here that easily!"

You rolled your eyes. "I might be shy but I'm not stupid. Why are there so many people, anyway? Who are those people?"

She laughed. "People Chan know, some others who invited themselves... I don't know them much either."

You looked around and saw a couple of other students from your classes but most of them were older. You frowned when you didn't see Minho around. You would have sworn he'd be glued to Sora if he was here.

"Where's your boyfriend?"

Her cheeks turned pink. "Not here yet. And he's not my boyfriend."

"Sure thing..."

Chan arrived soon after with an extra drink in hand for you. "I think this might be light enough for you. I don't know what you like."

"Thank you." you smiled but choked on the liquid as you saw Jisung and Jeongin following behind.

The two men got comfortable and they sat beside you. They waved at you and you waved back in a very shy way, more than usual.

"Sora, I need held with the snacks if you don't mind?" Chan said, gesturing for her to follow him.

You pleaded for you friend to stay with your puppy eyes but she gave you a small smile before walking away with Chan. You huffed and took a sip of the liquor.

"What is this even?" you muttered under your breath.

"Give, I'll tell you." Jeongin said as he took the cup from you, tasting it.

You didn't think you said it loud enough for anyone to hear and you watched him as he frowned, trying to figure out what was your drink. "I mean, it tastes good but-"

"Sangria, I think."

You nodded. "Good? Bad?"

"For a starter like you, I'd say good. I got tired of it eventually but it's still an acceptable choice."

"I'll have to thank Chan for that."

He smiled. "He wasn't to give you something you wouldn't like, I'm sure."

"Right, he isn't like that." you chuckled. "So, how were your finals?"

Jeongin let out a breath. "Demanding but I'm just glad it's over. I hope I passed."

"Same for me. What about you, Jisung?"

The boy looked up from his phone and grinned. "I'm convinced I passed with flying colours."

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." Jeongin shrugged.

"Why is that?"

"Your mind was focused on Hwayoung mostly."

"So, Y/N." Jisung changed the subject quickly. "Do you have any plans for the summer?"

You shook your head as a no. "I'm going back home with my aunt but I will probably get a job and work full time. Other than that, sleeping?"

This made Jeongin smile. "Will you have time to hang out then?"

You looked at him curiously. "With me? You and I? Together?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I'm sure we can find things to do, yes."

"Am I late?" a new voice said.

Eunhee smiled at the three of you as Jisung let her sit with him. "“We pretty much all came in advance. Minho, Hyunjin, Byeol, Hyunjoo and Felix are missing.” the latter answered.

"Felix? The brownie guy?" you asked Jeongin.

"I'm surprised you know who he is."

"I might not talk to people but I listen. I tasted those brownies, even. Not going to lie, they are a delight."

He scoffed. "Are they?"

"Yes. What is it? You don't like them?"

"No, they're good. But would you be willing too taste mine?"

Jisung sent a look his way. By then, Eunhee had vanished and he was alone again. "You bake?"

"I do."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"I swear I do!" Jeongin protested.

Jisung rolled his eyes and went to get another drink. Being alone with Jeongin, the two of you continued to discuss about everything and nothing. He left to get you more alcohol a few times but he spent the whole evening with you. And the more time you were together, the more he was moving closer to you and you to him. You never drank much in life but the little amount you'd had so far was enough to give you a confidence boost.

"You're the first person who is this kind to me." you suddenly said.

It took him aback but he smiled nonetheless. "How can I not be?"

"Oh, come on. I'm not that interesting. I ran away from you the first times we spoke."

"Fair enough, but if I'm being honest, I thought you were very pretty."

Your eyes went wide immediately. "You what?"

"I still think you are. I don't know, you were intriguing. And then we started to talk and your whole being was just so... How can I say it? Mesmerizing."

You mind spiralled around a hundred of times and you couldn't even form a proper sentence in your mind; a result of both the alcohol and the shock you were feeling. As you were about to let out incoherent words as a response, he kept on going.

"Your journey itself is quite something and with how far you've overcome your struggles... It's impressive."

"Thank you." you said although it sounded squeaky as you were still baffled by his words. "I don't know how to react, honestly. While we're at it, I thought you were quite charming yourself."

He chuckled out of embarrassment. "I don't stand out much compared to my friends, I can assure you."

"Yeah? Then how did I notice you so easily?"

This caught his attention. His eyes moved slowly to meet yours and you were dumbfounded by how pretty they were. His gaze flickered from your eyes to your hair to you nose, and then to your lips. You coughed and looked away. You weren't sure why you weren't giving yourself in but you were annoyed with yourself for doing so. That's pretty much the only thing you had in mind since you met this guy; kiss him. So why couldn't you do it?

"I never got the chance to tell you how thankful I am for what you have done for me. And that time in the laundry room, I'm glad you caught me crying."

He grabbed your hand and your body tensed again. "And I'm glad you trusted me enough to open up."

You looked at him again and, this time, he was much closer than you had anticipated him to be. And, this time, you were physically incapable of moving away from him. He didn't let go of you, determined for you to stay. Not pulling away, you gave in and made the first move by laying a small kiss onto his mouth. His grin got even wider.

"You kissed me."

You hummed. "I suppose I did."

The harmony of both of your chuckles felt like music to his ear. He leaned in again to kiss you once more. However, as his lips were about to touch yours, a loud yell was heard from the kitchen. You jumped away from each other, startled, only to understand it was Sora and Chan arguing. Most of the people partying stopped what they were doing to listen, you included. Changbin was trying his best to keep the party going.

"Should I go help her?" you whispered in Jeongin's ear.

He shook his head before taking your two hands with his. "We should leave."

"But-"

"They'll be fine. Plus, I'd love to have some time with you, alone."

You could feel the heat rush to your face. You nodded shyly in agreement and it was all it took for him to lead you outside. As the door closed behind you, he grabbed your waist. Pulling you closer and closer to his body, he didn't waste another second before finally kissing you again.

You didn't know for sure if all of this was going to work out. One thing was sure, you were head over heels for him and he seemed to be just as much as you were. Maybe even more.

#stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fluff #stray kids series #stray kids your eyes #stray kids college au #stray kids i.n #stray kids yang jeongin #yang jeongin #yang jeongin x reader #yang jeongin scenarios #yang jeongin fanfic

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camphorror · 5 months

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ok so hello people of tumblr. who wants to know what happened since i last regularly posted here????

i became friends with this girl at work i was loooowkey crushing on, we became too close way too quickly. she confided in me a month and a half into out friendship how she had a crush on a***d which caused her a sexuality crisis bc she was convinced she was gay until then. i felt weird but loved her too much to let something silly like this ruin the friendship. he started hanging out with us, i felt real fucking baaaaaad. life situations led me into telling a***d i liked him for ages. he said we're too good friends to ruin it, we're beyond that point! if i had said something earlier then maybe! then i found out he liked her!!! but he decided because of me he would stop talking to her!! i was living thru insanity bc of it. then me and him spent a month and a half being friends but also more than friends? but also "it's just good friends it's nothing romantic bc i said i don't feel the same i don't wanna ruin it you're one of the utmost important people in my life up there with my childhood friends blahblah" and we cuddled and hugged every time we met, texted every day after work until late at night, went thru a kissing/making out one evening after drinking a lot of alcohol drama. he initiated all of this!!! always!! i was in this weird grey area and thought everything is Fine because i know it's not a good idea

then almost a month ago he decided to ask her out! he didn't tell me in advance (despite the fact i told him if you ever choose to act about your feelings just say so). she did not tell me about it despite me being transparent with her all along, and despite telling me she thinks friendship is more important than all of this. so this went on for a week and a half, without me being told, whilst i was feeling weird asf and convincing myself i'm going crazy because of my anxiety bc everything was Normal. and then i found out thursday march 28th (haha a month ago exactly.. what a coincidence) because we were together and he said he can't wait for a "right time" like she wanted to. all of life collapsed from the feeling of betrayal from and anger at both of them. first i hated her, now i realised i hate him because he was at fault for all this messed up shit and took zero responsibility the one time we talked. i gave 2 of them chances to talk as some closure and we haven't spoken since. i truly hate him and think he's a shit person.

took a whole week off work after that first happened. was depressed at home. one day i decided to dress nicely and go meet my friend who just came back from abroad at the city of christ..... told her everything. then she took me to see a cool hostel i'd like bc it's in an ancient building. guy who works there studied with us but i didn't remember him lol. we talked & had wine then i got tipsy i overshared everything. he was the most charming and cute person i met.... (& a proper proper leftist too). we spent 3 hours there with him despite my friend wanting to kill me bc that WASN'T the plan. he was overly friendly, had a very interesting vibe.. esp abt the situation... then he told me how he's going abroad the next day and perhaps is gonna break up with his ldr gf... we sat together whilst my friend was in another room/on the side on her phone (I APOLOGISED PROFOUNDLY) and he even showed me pics of him from the gym... my biggest regret is when we left, had food with my friend and just got on the bus, he texted me on ig that i should come back to say bye again.. i didnt... then he came back from abroad last week and sort of said if i got the time i should come visit.. so of ci did lol but the Vibe was gone (as like... he didnt break up with the gf and therefore there was no vibe & i was fine with it lol). he asked me if i want him to teach me how to fight and i said yeah so besides updating him again on my woes we also literally fought with each other which was fucking fun. like he was properly teaching me what to do in a fight. i'm still feeling sore (that was 2 days ago) he is so cool and i wanna be his friend now that i am not cr*shing on him...

besides that life is still grim and i am going back to work in a day and gonna have to see those 2 people who ruined my life again aaaaand i know my mental health will take a dive. what do you even do when this shit happens

#txt #now i can be gone for another 6 months and update again i guess

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virtie333 · 1 year

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One Year Ago

I almost didn't post this. I wrote it for catharsis, but a friend said I should post it as it may help others. I can count on one hand the number of people who know about this. I don't know, maybe I'll delete it....

One year ago today, while cleaning Chester’s paddock, I made plans.

A few days earlier, I had received an email from my brother-in-law that involved some very hurtful and offensive accusations. My sister responded a few days after that, but not with an apology. She defended him, and added her own opinions.

When someone you have loved and trusted your whole life essentially says you are worthless, then it must be true.

So, the next day, I made plans.

I would have to complete my will, first. I would have to make sure Chester went to a local rescue. He wasn’t ridable and though I know a friend might take him as a ‘pasture pet,’ if push comes to shove and they ran short on money, he would be the first to go. The rescue would care for him, and I would make sure that if ever they could no longer do so, they would euthanize him.

My brother would get the other animals and all my belongings. He could sell my truck, trailer, etc. and use the funds to care for my dog Jackson, my cat Rodney, and Stache, the barn cat I had just brought home from work a month earlier. He would take care and love them.

It would have to look like an accident so my life insurance would pay out. God forbid my sister would have to pay for my funeral! I am an avid hiker, and there are trails very close that follow the canyon rim, with a 60 to 100 foot drop straight down. I usually hike with Jackson, but I could say I was leaving him home because he was sore. It would be very easy to slip while checking out the view. It’s happened before up there.

Could I actually do it? Was I brave enough? It was the only way. And I needed to do it soon.

That was my plan.

But wait. I can’t do it right away. Moon Knight just started, and I waited so long for this show and it’s even better than I had hoped and only two episodes have aired so far. I really want to see the rest. It takes my mind off the pain. I’ll wait.

Then I started posting a new story I had written. I didn’t think it would be very popular, as it was very different from my last, popular one, but I have loyal readers. I can’t just leave it unfinished, and have them wondering what happened to me. And I can’t post it all at once, because that will give away the fact that it was planned. So, I’ll wait.

An acquaintance that hated Moon Knight complained and criticized it over and over and I finally broke. I said things. I don’t regret them, because they were the truth, but I immediately became the villain to the rest of the group. Once more, I was reminded that I was unimportant, that my thoughts and feelings were inconsequential. How could I tell them? How could I explain this show literally kept me alive?

So, I waited.

A spark of hope. My brother and I worked toward a future we could both live with. I prayed, and found that I began to believe again for the first time in a long time. The story I was posting, the one I thought would not do well, became my greatest hit. Not only did its success thrill me, but once again, I had something to thank for keeping me alive.

Though low on funds, I made a trip west, to California, to meet up with my best friends in the world. They were the only people I told about my plans. They made sure to let me know how grateful they were I hadn’t followed through. I loved every minute of Galaxy’s Edge and I continued to hope for a better future. And I waited.

The hope was realized just before Christmas. My future wasn’t as dark and scary as it had been. Unfortunately, the loss of Rodney just before New Years kept me down. I was still depressed and full of non-stop anxiety, and on the anniversary of my mother’s death, I once more started falling into that darkness. I left a group I cared a great deal about because I realized a lot of my anxiety was coming from there; it’s hard caring more about people than they do about you. I bawled my eyes out while I clicked that ‘leave’ button, but I don’t regret it. It’s been over two months and only two people have even noticed I left. That says something right there.

Now, for the first time since Tariq got very sick in November 2020, I actually have the desire to do things. I’m not working and writing just to keep sane. I’m reading again. I’m playing with Chester. I’m taking Jackson on walks. I’m going back to mass, not because I have to but because I want to. I still resent my brother-in-law, and I’m still waiting for an apology from my sister, but I’m not holding my breath. I’m still alone. I’m still uncertain of my worth. But I have my animals, including two new cats, and my home. I have plans. New plans. Better plans.

One year ago today, while cleaning Chester’s paddock, I made plans.

But today I’m alive. And I’m happy. All because I waited.

Don’t give up. Things WILL get better.

#suicide awareness #tw: suicide #depression #anxiety #worthlessnesses #family issues #loneliness #hope #fanfiction #moon knight

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aplateoflasagna · 2 years

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When I heard Mashidam went on hiatus all those months ago, I was devastated. I cried writing a tumblr post about what I was feeling at that moment. Seeing the news now about Mashidam leaving Treasure made me feel empty. it's wierd. Maybe it's because I was at my job and I coudn't really express how I felt and now that we're already 10 hours later and I've had to chance to think about it, rationalise it, and finally come to terms with it.

This is a much better reaction than I thought I would have btw. Like yeah, it hurts, but maybe, somehow, I already expected this news. Eventhough earlier this day, I was still thinking about the possibility of Mashiho and Yedam going on stage at the last day of Treasure's Japan tour and singing a duet together to announce their comeback haha... It feels silly now, but that's how I was coping I guess. I really believed they would come back, but knowing they won't maybe gave me some peace of mind. The uncertanty is gone, the waiting is over and now the healing process can begin.

We'll never know why exactly they left. We can only trust YGE's words that Mashiho decided to leave because of health issues and Yedam left because he wants to produce music instead of perform it. We'll never know what happened, so I'm choosing to believe Yedam and Mashiho shared their doubts with the company during Jikjin era and were put on haitus before they made their decision final. Mashi and Yedam had about 6 months to change their minds and they didn't.

The timing of the announcement is suspect ofcourse but I honestly think YGE made the best decision they could have to let fans get used to the idea of Treasure being a 10 member group. It worked for me. When their hiatus was announced I was so devastated + scared that Treasure wouldn't work as 10. Losing their main vocalist + main dancer/lead vocalist... I didn't think they could do it tbh... But now I've seen them perform their songs as 10 and they do it so well. They've had a successful comeback as OT10, they are still a unified group. And now I realise that's why i'll keep supporting them: They are still a group of people I fell in love with. I want to see them succeed and make more/new memories with them. I'll never forget them as 12 but I want to move forward with Treasure as they are now because I just don't have another choice. Not supporting them just isn't an option for me.

I'll miss Mashiho. I think he was born to be on stage. During Teuday and during Trace, I was in awe. He's so talented and passionate. He has all my respect and it breaks my heart that he has to say goodbye to his dream because of things that are out of his control. But his health should always be the number 1 priority and so I can only wish him the best and hope he's happy in Japan with his family.

I'll miss Yedam. I'll miss his silly personality. The fact that he was still a little kid underneath all those responsibilities. I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I might never hear Yedam sing again. His voice is truly something meant to be heard. Knowing he'll never be a part of Treasure again hurts, but the possibility of never hearing his voice again hurts even more. I can only hope that Yedam returns to singing someday. Even if it's little snippets on soundcloud, or covers posted anonymously or an album 10, 20 years from now, I'll gladly take it. We'll never know the reason behind Yedams decision but I have always worried about the pressure that has been put on him since he was 11 years old. Hearing him perform his unreleased song during Trace only ampilfied my worry. I could never quite listen to it again, because it sounded to personal

Somebody need help, somebody need love

Just living in endless loop of pressure

Shouting for help, looking for love all along

Yes, he trained the longest, has spent almost 10 years in the industry, but maybe being an Idol is what everyone expected of him, not what he actually wanted for himself. Or maybe being an Idol isn't what he thought it would be. I keep thinking about that one Tmap episode where a Teume told Jaehyuk 'If you decide that being an Idol is not what you want to do with your life, I'll still support you' and I can't help but feel the same way about Yedam. It's his decision and eventhough I'm sad, I'm happy for him. If this is what he wants then I'm happy for him.

Treasure will be alright. Teumes will be alright. Yedam and Mashiho will be alright. We all just need a little time right now to adjust to the new status quo.

I'm looking forward to the Seoul concert and the Japan tour, but most of all I'm looking forward to making new memories with Treasure

#i'm going to stay away from stan twitter for a while #TREASURE #Bang Yedam #Takata Mashiho #I hope YG let's the members work on a new album after the Japan tour + a new Tmap season so that fans can make new memories with OT10 #and not stay stuck hoping for Mashidam to return because they won't #I don't want this to become an Ikon situation where the fans coudn't accept OT6 because there was just no content for IKON as OT6 #the only memories they had were as OT7 so they couldn't move on #please YG learn from your mistakes #so that the fandom can heal #i typed this in one go so there are probably so many spelling mistakes

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pastiltots-aatlh · 6 months

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Longing

032824 | 0156am

Are dreams made to make us suffer right after we open our eyes again?

When my separation anxiety kicks in, chances are, my subconscious would be the first in line to sabotage my entire system by showing me dreams about the people and places I've been longing to meet. Sometimes, I'd wake up with a tear-stained face, a heavy heart, or rugged breathing—which feels like I was being chased by death and my only escape is to wake up.

But today, I had a different experience. Dreams are fragments of our subconscious that we tend to forget once the reality has kicked in. Today, I can recall most of it vividly. Strangely, I woke up feeling comfortable, with a little drool at the corner of my mouth. Yet, it only lasted for a few seconds before I came back to my senses. That was a good dream, but what the hell was that? I thought.

I went through a series of shock, love, and a familiar comfort in just a single dream. For the past few months, I never dwelled on missing the feeling of being loved and comforted by a person who is far from being blood-related. But thanks to that dream, what was oblivious to me flashed right into my face in an instant.

In that dream, I was at the train station. I've only been riding on it for more than a year just to attend to my classes. It is challenging, but worth the fun and cost. However, the government has issued its temporary, half-a-decade-length closure for its rehabilitation and renovation. And now, I'm starting to miss every single bit of it. From the times when I had to run just to catch the schedule of its ride, to the heavy congestion of people, and how some showed a classic Filipino trait of being resilient despite getting crushed by other passengers. I'll definitely long for it everytime I'd get stucked in 7 PM traffic.

I also saw faces that I never knew, I've been wanting to see again. My family was present in it. But alongside with them, there was the presence of the two other people that I cherished the most at some point in my life.

One of them was him. An old friend who was once a muse of all my poems. I had other dreams where he was also present, but out of all the people I'm missing, it came to me as a shock when he was there again as a byproduct of my subconscious. I stopped thinking of him from the moment I lost all my special interests to him, hence, I didn't really expected his presence in my dreams. My dream portrayed him not just a friend, but a lover of mine. This is nothing new because the same dream has already occured to me for several times. During those times, it would make me feel all giddy and delusional because of the romantic feelings I have stored for him. Had I dreamt of this years earlier, I might be thinking of this for weeks or even a month. That's how pathetic I was.

From my last night's dream, we shared some smiles, hugs, and intimacy which felt surreal. Compared to my previous dream encounters, that was way more romantic. I never thought I could be that kind of girl with him. My inhibitions and facade all came crumbling down which I had never imagined happening to me in this lifetime. I've always appeared to be strong in front of him, yet, my dream pictures myself otherwise.

It was a lovely dream. Savoring the moment is a selfish thing to do. I almost wished to stay in that moment, but dreams don't work like that. It always has its way to burst our bubbles in one way or another.

It then led me to another person, a kindred soul from the last years of being a teenager. She's now living in a different time zone, and things now are not the same as before. But despite this saddening present, she's still one of my favorite memory. I only hoped she's still here, near me, but even my selfishness couldn't make her stay. She seemed fine in my dreams, and I could only hope that she's really doing fine in her new world. I've been missing her a lot, but I can't bring myself to ask her how she's doing. I'll always love her, despite the short amount of time we've spent together, despite the seas we have to sail to see each other.

Despite being different to one another, these people and places all reminded me of familiarity and longing. My heart ached for waking up in such a beautiful dream. It ached badly that I want to forget what transpired.

I woke up, feeling the need to initiate a conversation with people, but I can't simply move my fingers to randomly ask them, "how are you doing" without considering their possible responses. I'm afraid that they'd coldly tell that they are doing fine; I'm afraid that all I could tell them is something along the lines of "oh, that's great;" and most of all, I'm afraid to tell them how much I missed them and if I could only be in places where they are today, I'd come to them without reservations just to hug them.

The longing I felt can't be explained, and I can't tell something about the uncertain future. I know that the void I kept feeling inside me is their absence. But I do hope that if we'll meet again, I'd have the courage to hug them, and that they'd feel the warmth as I embrace them.

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ippu81 · 7 months

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The Darkest Hour.

He sat by the hospital bed, listening and watching, " You gotta hang in there. Come on, please don't go."

He almost begged; he wasn't sure if he could hear anything anymore. It's said that hearing and touch are the last senses to detect when a person dies. He took her hand in his. It was so delicate, cold, limp. He tried to warm it in his own larger hands, hoping she knew he was there still, that she would react and squeeze his hand. But no, the delicate, icy hand remained limp, and he saw the nurses had removed her ring. Well, it wouldn't stay on her finger when his loved one was so withered and so finished.

He refused to believe the doctors when, two months earlier, they had told them both that nothing could be done, no medicine would help, and now they just had to treat the symptoms and try to maintain their quality of life. Quality would be more important than duration, but he wasn't ready to give up on his love just yet.

He felt so powerless, so alone, when he knew what the future would be without her. He heard a slight change in her breathing, a slight break, and felt his heart stop. He stood up.

He lowered the side of the hospital bed and took her in his arms, stroked her hair, and felt her limp, thin body against him. How cold she already was. Pale. Her breathing slowed again; there was a break in it, and now he couldn't stop the tears that flowed from his eyes as he held his dying wife in his arms.

He felt her heart slow and realized how finished her body was. He whispered something in a broken voice, his eyes wet with tears. Then it stopped. He could no longer feel his wife's heart beating or hear her breathing. He broke down, crying inconsolably, holding his now-dead wife in his arms.

Sobbing, " Elena, I love you, always. Remember that. I know we weren't together for long, but you made me so much better, and now I don't know how I can be without you."

Finally, when the nurses and doctors came and pronounced Elena Salvatore dead of leukemia, Damon walked away. He couldn't be human anymore, and he knew, he'd heard, that certain witches would make him a vampire again. He wanted to take his feelings away now and not feel this wrenching emptiness and powerlessness that seemed to tear through him.

Six months later. Michigan.

Fiona Westen was on her way home after a long day at school. She was a teacher and taught children about seven years old. The school where she worked was relatively small, and there were not too many students. She lived alone. She had no time for socializing as she was trying to study simultaneously to get more training for her university studies.

She turned into her driveway on her bike and noticed a raven sitting on the ground; well, it wasn't unusual. She had heard of ravens before. Fiona liked animals, and her favorite subject was teaching biology and telling children about the wonders of nature and animals.

She had two cats, black and white, and she was not above being inventive when the white cat was called Snow and the black cat was called Soot. She got off her bike and walked it out into the yard, and the raven didn't move as she passed by. Fiona locked up her bike and walked back to the bird.

She got close, and the bird only took a few steps, looking weak. Fiona had nursed birds back to health before, and the raven was omnivorous, so she would find food for it before it got stronger again.

She went inside her house. It was a terraced two-room house, and her cats just raised their heads when they saw her enter. She got an old cage. It was big enough for the raven to be in there recovering, and she put in some minced meat and berries, some seeds in the dishes, and water; she would see how the raven recovered.

She walked out; the bird was still in the place, and she took the bird's hands gently, being careful of its powerful beak. She didn't see a ring on the leg, and the bird didn't feel too skinny; she felt and spread its wings; they worked. Then she carried the birds inside. Either the bird had some disease but didn't seem sick, or it had crashed into something.

Fiona had always volunteered during school holidays at animal welfare societies and bird sanctuaries, so she had experience. She put the raven in a cage and was delighted when the raven went to eat the mince. Fiona then went to the kitchen.

She warmed up her food as usual, emailed her mother and cousin, and sighed as she thought about the upcoming wedding. It was one of her cousins, and then she would have to listen to hours of her aunt wondering why she didn't have a boyfriend or even a girlfriend. When she wasn't gay, she wasn't just looking for a relationship now as she was trying to concentrate on her career and get a better job while she finished her studies.

She watched TV in the evening. She had done some studying, knowing that in a couple of weeks, she would have another brief break when she would resume her studies at university. She couldn't or didn't want to take long periods of leave when she was saving money, so she tried to work as much as she could, and balancing work and study was sometimes quite tricky.

It was getting ten at night, and she always went to bed early. She had given the raven more mince; it seemed in better shape, although it was sleeping quite a lot, and she was mildly worried. There weren't many vets who treated wild animals, and as the raven was not a rare bird, it was possible that the vet just put it down. But she always wanted to give it a chance, so she gave it more mince. Then she retired to her bedroom, brushed her teeth, changed into her pajamas, and went to bed. She was asleep in ten minutes.

In the cage, the raven watched and listened, and when he was sure she was asleep, he turned into a mist; the mist floated in the air and slowly passed under the bedroom door. After a few minutes, Damon watched his sleeping victim with pleasure.

He approached the bed; she was asleep on her back, snoring softly he went to the bedside, looked at her with no emotion other than the bloodlust that showed in his red eyes, turned her head to the side, leaned over her, and bit his teeth into her neck and drank, delightfully tasting her life force.

When he had drunk half a liter or a little more, he pulled his teeth out, bit his lip, and licked the bite marks on his tongue where his blood was. Healing them, he licked every drop of blood off, turned into a mist, and returned to the cage as a raven.

Fiona woke up in the morning; she had a headache and was thirsty; she brushed her teeth, put on her clothes, and went for breakfast and coffee, taking the raven some minced meat; he seemed to be much better, even vocalizing in his cage.

Fiona ate and returned to her daily routine, going to work and shopping when she got home. She was thirstier today, and she didn't think about it. She wasn't pretty; her small eyes, high cheekbones, big nose, and bad skin didn't make her attractive when she wore enormous glasses. Her eyesight wasn't good.

She was thin and shapeless. She remembered how, in school days, other girls teased her, the board. Then, when she was still quite tall, it only emphasized her shapelessness.

She went back then for the afternoon. She gave the raven fresh meat now that she had bought it in the shop, ate, studied, watched love movies on TV, daydreamed now, and then went to bed.

Damon turned into a mist again, went and feasted on his victim. He did the same thing every night, enjoying watching from his cage as she came in to eat in the morning, paler and paler, weaker and weaker, utterly unaware of what had happened in the night. Damon enjoyed the power he had over his victim.

He had done the same thing many times across America, where Stefan had been a brutal ripper. He was a secret beast who weakened his victim mercilessly and slowly, enjoying their weakness.

It had been five nights since he had feasted on his victim, and now it would be time for the ultimate climax. He waited as she, white as a sheet, now walking unsteadily as she was dizzy, came into the kitchen, gulping juice and water, making coffee and breakfast.

When she had eaten and was coming into the living room to give him meat again, Damon, in a mist, came out of the cage, making her scream and freeze in place. Damon let his red eyes show, the black veins around his eyes making him look like a demon. He smiled cruelly as he came towards her.

"Greetings, don't be afraid, it won't hurt. But then again, I lied; it does hurt, but first, I'll have a little appetizer."

Fiona couldn't move; the raven had turned into a mist, and now a vampire was in front of her. She had heard of vampires. She had just never seen one, and she watched as the handsome vampire man went and took the Snow; her cat stroked it and then struck his teeth into the cat's side, right through the heart, and drank a few swallows, and the Snow hung lifelessly from the man's grip.

Fiona never forgot how the Snow had squeaked when the vampire had bitten. The vampire took the Soot in his arms and stroked it, muttered something to it, and Fiona felt her heart pounding. The Soot had been a wildcat, hadn't trusted a human, and with work and perseverance, she had tamed the cat.

The vampire looked at her and struck his teeth into the cat's heart, which shrieked. And it was over quickly. The vampire threw the cat's carcass away, took a few steps towards her, and touched her on the cheek. The vampire's fingers were ice cold and chills of fear and terror ran down the Fiona's spine.

The vampire whispered, "I have enjoyed your blood every night, and now it is time for the last meal..."

He brushed Fiona's insignificant brown hair away from her neck, bent the woman's head to the side and now slammed his teeth into the side of her neck, making her scream in pain but unable to move.

The vampire's throat moved as he swallowed her now dilute blood greedily, hearing her pulse quicken, smelling the fear and terror of his prey, and then the best part as the pulse slowed. He held his now almost unconscious prey close and greedily continued to drink, and his pleasure was complete as the heartbeat stopped and she stopped breathing. He drank all the blood he could and healed the bite wounds again. He didn't leave evidence behind him and dropped the dead woman on the floor. It was time to change the scenery again.

Twenty years later, Mystic Falls, cemetery.

Bonnie Bennet visited first time in ages. It had been a while since she last visited, and she had never been to Elena's grave; she hadn't even known of her death while she had been traveling the world.

On a bush walk in Australia, she overheard a tearful message from Caroline on her phone when she returned to civilization. Elena had been diagnosed with a very rare and malignant form of leukemia, and no treatments were working. Damon had been with Elena until the end but had then disappeared and hadn't even been to the funeral.

No one had seen Damon, no one they knew, and Bonnie could not help but feel deep sympathy for Damon. He had lost his brother, and when she broke Cai's curse on Elena, she woke her up. They hadn't had Damon for over three years, and they married after the diagnosis. Elena had wanted to die as Salvatore.

Bonnie had been sad and had been so many times about to go back, but she had never gotten over the death of Enzo. She hadn't been able to go back, knowing that Elena had died too. Caroline was now the headmistress of the school. Alaric was back as a vampire hunter. Matt had moved to New York, made it as far as the detective, and had found a partner. Jeremy also lived the life of a vampire hunter or whatever evil creatures they were looking for.

Bonnie first walked into Stefan's tomb. Even though Stefan had ripped Enzo out of her life, she didn't want to hold a grudge. Stefan had been dead for over 20 years, and although Bonnie believed there was peace and that one day she would meet Enzo again, she couldn't help but miss him every single day.

Then she went on her way and found Elena's gravestone. Elena Gilbert, it said, not Salvatore. Caroline had told him that Damon had given Elena's name as Gilbert, not Salvatore, after her death, and Bonnie couldn't help but sigh, knowing that Damon had been in a terrible place and no one had heard about him.

She noticed the ring on Elena's headstone. It had been there for a long time. It was a man's ring. She took it in her hand.

There was engraving, "My soul mate, with love always and forever, Elena."

Bonnie realized that this had been Damon's wedding ring, and he had left it behind. Bonnie laid the bouquet of yellow lilies on Elena's grave, sighed, and just as suddenly felt the danger was near. A fog crept into the cemetery, and a feeling of dread grew in Bonnie's heart. She could feel her heart rate rising.

"Hello, Bon Bon." a familiar voice said suddenly from behind her.

Bonnie was startled and turned around. "Damon. How... no one knew where you were."

Bonnie noticed Damon was just as young looking, then his red eyes and the daylight ring on his right hand told the truth.

"How did you? It's not possible you're a vampire again; the cure killed Katherine; how?."

Damon took a step closer. Bonnie's skin was thinner. This one had wrinkles around her eyes and even a little grey in her hair, yet this one was only 40 or so.

Damon said, his voice cold as ice, "I found some witches, black witches that sucked the healing out of me, making me a vampire again, so I don't have to feel."

Bonnie sighed. Elena's death had broken Damon. This one had made himself a vampire again and taken his humanity off. Stefan was long dead, Elena was dead, and Bonnie wasn't sure how to help her friend. She would have to get Damon's humanity back on.

Damon said, " I don't have my humanity anymore. I have my telepathy, though. Look, Bon Bon, and I wanted it that way, so those witches took my humanity away from me completely. Now, no one can make me weak."

Bonnie said, "I'll get it back when I try. What would Elena say now? She wouldn't have wanted you to do this."

Damon laughed; it was actually a scary sound, and Bonnie almost felt the urge to run away. She had never been so afraid of anything in her life.

Damon said, " Bon Bon, Elena is not here; she died, and besides, that cliché belongs to people; I'm not one of them."

Bonnie gulped. She was like a deer in headlights when Damon came closer. Right on her, looking at her like a piece of meat. Sweeping her hair back, exposing her neck, Bonnie tried to get her mouth, which was suddenly really dry, to say something, but Damon, or what was left of him, was a beast. Indeed. She didn't see an ounce of humanity in this now.

Damon whispered, " Witches are tasty, and I'm hungry.."

Bonnie felt a sharp pain pierce her neck, and hot pain burned as Damon sank his teeth into her neck and drank her blood. And fast. Bonnie tried to summon her magic, but Damon drank her blood relentlessly, fast, and she felt her head spin as the dizziness took over. Her pulse was pounding, and Damon's icy hands held her, and the more he drank, the warmer his hands became.

Bonnie felt her consciousness almost shut down as Damon took his teeth out, looked at her with his mouth bloody, and said, " Well, Bon Bon, don't worry. Soon, you'll be back with Enzo, and tell Elena I said hello."

Damon bit again. Bonnie screamed, tried to fight now, but her movements were powerless, weak; darkness rolled across her vision, and her consciousness shut down.

Damon felt the witch's strong blood trickle down his throat, and he relished it. This was his nature, his true essence, and he had no regrets when he killed and drank away the woman he once considered his best friend. He could feel Bonnie's pulse slowing. Soon, this would be his, as so many other women had been over the decades; Bonnie was limp, cold, and lifeless as he released his grip.

Her eyes were half open, looking at nothingness, lips parted, dry, and expression well dead; he looked at the dead woman for a moment, turned into a raven, and flew away. He had had another meal, and it was time to change places. Find a new victim to feed on for a few nights. They say the darkest hour is just before dawn, and he didn't care. His life was to enjoy that very darkest hour.

#damon salvatore #immortal #read on ao3 #the vampire diaries #fanfic #vampire #bonnie bennett #humanity off

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kay-claire · 9 months

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Feeling in my head tonight, because I'm jealous of people who have fun friend groups that do fun things. One of the things I was really trying to do this year was make new friends, and I didn't super manage to do that. Like, I talked to a lot of new people, and I hanged out with some Instagram mutuals for the first time ever, and like I THINK I'm friends with my tattoo artists, but in like a parasocial way where I only ever actually hang out with them when I'm paying them to do tattoos for me (but like. the last tattoo I went to with P we sat and chatted together for like an hour after she finished my tattoo. And the last tattoo I did with J, she said her and her apprentice were going to Portugal in October next year and kind of off-handedly said I could go with them if I wanted - like. That's not NOT being friends, right?)

Don't get my wrong. I had a great fucking year. I started on testosterone. I got a bunch of new tattoos. I tabled at a comic convention again for the first time since 2019, and went on two overseas trips. And I forced myself to try and go out and do new things more, and went to sketchbook meetups and a trans picnic and started doing pottery classes. But I forced myself to go out and do those things in the hopes of making friends, and I didn't really achieve that goal.

I don't have a lot of friends. I have one online friend who I chat to almost every day (that god for them or most days the only people I'd talk to are my parents), and I have one friend who I only see in person maybe 4 times a year, but we don't chat much between those times. I have a friend who moved overseas and I visited her in November, and we chat on phone calls maybe 3 times a year. I have a handful of people who's stuff I comment on on Insta and who, if I took the initiative, would probably say yes to making plans with me if I worked up the courage to ask. And I have a bit of a bookstagram community. So no matter what my brain tells me, I'm not completely alone and hopeless. I do have some friends.

But like my cousin somehow just found a book club on Instagram earlier this year and now she's such good friends with those people, and she goes on outings with them multiple times a month and have movie nights and have an active group chat. And like, fuck if that's not what I want. But I just would love to have QUEER friends with similar interests who live in the same city as me, and want to do things like sleepovers and movies and lunch dates, and I just can't seem to figure out how.

I kept going to all these meetups trying to make friends, and I'd have some good conversations with people and have fun, but then I'd go home and second guess everything I said, and be frustrated that I don't know how to go from nice conversation to actual friend, exchange phone numbers, actually hang out together one-on-one. And I left all these meetups feeling frustrated that I couldn't figure out how to do that. And like sometime last month I had this epiphany where I thought, maybe the goal shouldn't be to make friends. Maybe the goal should just be to have a nice conversation with someone.

And changing that perspective HAS helped, because I went from being sad every time I went out trying to make friends to just being happy I talked to someone. So I'm glad for that. But like, it doesn't change the fact that I do still want to have friends - and not to underplay the kind of friendships I currently have! But like I just want to make some friends or one good friend who like, makes time for me, and invites me to do stuff, instead of me always being the invite friend. Because I feel like there are planner friends, and there are going along with the plan friends, and I am definitely the second type. But the problem is everyone I have made friends with are ALSO the second type, so I have to step up and be the planner friend or else I will never see those friends ever. And I would love to just make a friend who can be the planner friend.

I try to just be grateful for the relationships I do have, and to not get into my head with thoughts like "I'm not a nice enough person to have friends" or "every friend I have had has gotten sick of me and left, so I should probably just stop inflicting myself on other people" and "the reason you can't get past one conversation with people is because you're actually a terrible oversharer who only talks about yourself and what you think of as a nice conversation other people found really off-putting but were just trying to be nice". But like FUCK if those thoughts aren't hard to push away.

#sorry for the impromptu therapy session #I decided to only see my therapist again in January #and also am just coming off my period so I'm probably post-menstrual symptoming right now #and sometimes just writing a bunch of shit and posting it online helps #delete later

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vegaistrying · 1 year

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I'm tired.

In 2016 I began a technical course in Administration on a public school. It was free and not something bad to have in my resume, so why not?

Thing is, I worked at a supermarket that didn't give a shit about me, with an abusive boss and severe pain issues that where driving me into the worst depression I ever had. My body and mind couldn't take the abuse of sleeping 6 hours a day at best for 15 hours of non stop activities 4 days a week, plus working on weekends and having a whole apartment to care for on my day off. I had little space for any hobbies or playing something and exercising was completely off the table because I didn't have time for it.

So I paused the course at the last of 3 semesters, decided to go to the gym and try to take some care of myself, which didn't go great, but that's a story for another time.

Last year I decided to get back to it. For some reason, I really believed it would be great for me. Classes would begin in March this year, and the shitty job I got fired me in the end of February when I asked more firmly (I was trying to get this solved since September when I was hired) to come in a few hours earlier so I could take the classes, which sucked but this was supposed to be worth it.

But since life is a bitch, in the very first week of the course I fell and twisted my knee pretty bad. Walking was extremely hard and painful so going to class was impossible and even seeing my super swallowed and bruised leg and foot the doctor I went to gave me a sick note for ONE DAY and only because I insisted really really hard. I tried to go to class as much as possible throughout March, but it wasn't possible to go everyday.

We have 60 periods per subject of the semester, requiring 75% presence in order to be approved (plus the tests and essays), meaning that you can only have 15 absences per subject. Most of them have 2~3 periods a day, 45min each. March had 5 weeks. I got 15 absences in the same subject throughout March, none contemplated by my sick note.

Unaware of this, because no one at the school would help me check my frequency, in April I went home early one day because I got my period and had no pads on me. I got two more absences on the subject, totalizing 17. I was reproved, then and there and in 1 and a half months after NO ONE realized it. And they can't even say it was my responsibility and my fault no one saw it because I asked the teachers and the school advisor to help me, was informed that they would check and if there was an issue they would let me know but if nothing was said it was all good. No one talked to me about it again.

I kept asking, because I knew there was no way I loose almost a month of classes and get away with it, until yesterday a classmate, in a totally unrelated conversation, showed me an app we can see our absences and grades. It took me 2 minutes to realize I was fucked since early April, and even worse after. But not that bad, I thought, because I should be able to finish the other subjects and do only this one again next semester according to what I was told. But life hates me, you know? This changed last year and I had been misinformed by the school assistant.

I have been struggling, spending money I don't have and puting so much effort into something that was doomed for reasons out of my control. I want to keep living, I want to keep going but every day it's harder and harder to find how to do it, frustration after frustration, the more I struggle the deeper I get into this waking nightmare.

If I don't get a job until half of June, I will have to do this all again. I hate this classes, I hate going there and staying in that cold, stinky classroom full of people that are so noisy I can't hear my own thoughts, struggling to make essays I don't understand how to format because I want to get this over with just to have my hopes crushed by the unluckiness of twisting my knee and the neglect of others.

If I don't get a job until the beginning of next year, I will give up on getting a stable job like my family wants and trow myself back at SW, even if it costs my living space and a lot of anxiety (because my family is shit, being a SW was one of the best times of my life until I was forced to give it up).

I won't give up. As hard as it gets, I just won't give up.

#i wont give up #mental illness #mentally tired #kinda depressing #school neglect #depression #bipolar disorder

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all-a-bornk · 1 year

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So, I was in the middle of writing the other post for the kitties, part 2, but something came up.

There has been this kitty I have been trying to find and catch since December 2022 and news from the lady I had been working with, who actually lives near her, finally popped up again. Wren and I were out shopping for the new house and we barely got to the store when I got a phone call. I almost didn't answer it, but I saw that it was a local area code and it could have been someone from the local social security office calling so I answered. It was someone with the kitty rescue I work with calling to say there was a lady trying to get a hold of me for a Momma cat and some babies but had lost my number. I immediately knew who it was and called her.

Once I got a hold of her she said someone had seen the Mom and she had 4 babies in tow. It was kinda up in the air whether or not she had them as we had never seen them, it was just suspected. So this was the first confirmation that she really had them. We talked for a little about what to do, and we ended up deciding to get more food for her as she didn't have any. So, I grabbed some food and headed over there. I didn't have a carrier with me at the time, and unfortunately didn't go back to my house to get one as 1, I was already halfway there and 2, I thought I was just dropping off food. This turned out to be a mistake.

So after we got the food and headed over to the apartment complex, I saw the woman I had been working with walking around with some kids. I quickly parked and she said these kids had seen them just a minute ago! So we followed them, but then they said they had run off and we couldn't find them. I gave all 3 kids my phone number so they could contact me if they saw them. We ended up talking to a guy that had been feeding them, apparently Mom had actually had the, originally 5, kittens on his patio. He hadn't seen them for 2 days but we got his number and he said he would call if he sees anything. I gave the food we had bought to the woman, which turned out to be a mistake as well, and she went to put it in her apartment. After she came back out she said she had some stuff to do and would see us another day and call her with any news.

Right as I was saying goodbye to the man who had been feeding them, he said he could no longer afford it so he stopped, I got a phone call. It was one of the kids saying they found all of the kitties on someone's porch! So, of course, it was on the other side of the apartment complex but once we got nearby the kids ushered us over. After months I finally got to see Momma cat, and confirm that there were babies as well. We attempted to catch them, but like I said earlier, we didn't have a carrier. We were able to wrangle 2 babies and Momma, but the other two got away. So we put them in the vehicle, went to PetSmart and got a carrier, and came back to catch the rest. We saw them, and had a couple close calls but didn't end up catching them. I got the numbers of the ladies who lived there, an older mother and daughter pair. They apparently had been feeding them as well and the daughter is really attached to them. They had tried to keep Mom when she had no babies with her, but have two cats of their own and it didn't work out. It was getting dark and they are dark colored cats, all of them, so we headed out and promised to come back for the other 2. This was on Tuesday. The last two days we have gone back to try and catch them as well. Wednesday we hadn't seen them, so we decided to not come up unless we got a call. Well, Thursday after work I got a call from one of the kids saying they saw the other 2 kittens! We rushed over there, with a carrier and some canned food this time, and we almost got them. The daughter had been out there for 2 hours before we did and we were there for at least an hour and a half. We planned to come back on Saturday, since we were both off, with Mom and try to catch them then. I left the carrier with them with some food and a blanket that smells like Momma. We weren't going to let Mom out, just try to lure them in with her smell and sound, she is very vocal. We had been playing Marco Polo with the babies on Thursday, they were crying and then we would mew back and they would answer. So that gave us the idea to bring Mom.

Saturday came and we ended up bringing Mom and the babies just in case, Mom in one and the two boys in the other. It only took us about 10-15 minutes to catch them both. One we caught as he was hopping out of the patio with a towel. The other got away to some steps up to another apartment but we blocked him with a sheet and we're able to snatch him up as well. We brought them straight to the vet after that.

There is a lot more that has happened with this than I am capturing in this post, so if you guys are interested in hearing more of what happened just let me know I can write more! I would be happy to!

Kanga

Piglet is the black kitten on the right, Eeyore is the gray with the white pendant on the left.

Roo is the gray on the right, and Winnie is the gray with the white bib on the left

#cats of tumblr #cats #bornk introductions #introductions #kanga #roo #piglet #eeyore #winnie #ghost smoke tabby #smoke tabby #ghost tabby #at least thats what we think they are

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kingsuckjin · 3 years

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Company Policy -JJK

- Pairing: coworker Jungkook x reader

- Genre: established relationship? Sort of

- Rating:18+

- Words: 5k

- Summary: Eight months. Eight months you have regretted breaking off being fuck buddies with your hot coworker. You were so afraid of being caught with him but now that you’ve had time to think, would it really be so bad as long as you could have him all to yourself again? Does he even like you anymore? Has he moved on? All you know is it’s been eight months since you’ve had sex, he’s been all you could think about. Now he’s looking pretty hot at this office party.

- Warnings: pining, explicit content, public sex, they fuck on a coworker’s desk, public sex, unprotected sex, vaginal fingering, heavy dirty talk, brief mention of oral sex and a ton of other past sexual acts like thigh riding and hair pulling, kind of jealous tattooed kook, not voyurism but someone else is there at some point, and finally a dash of fluff.

- A/n: This post is a commission for the ARMY for AAPI Justice and Advocacy Event. Please click >here< to find more resources and consider donating to the cause! Thank you so incredibly much to the donor @lcksndkys for donating and commissioning this, you are an absolute angel, I hope you know that. I might’ve gotten a bit carried away and wrote a few thousand more words than planned, but you deserve it.

“Morning,”

“Morning.” Was the greeting between you and Jungkook every morning when you stepped into the elevator, coffee in hand.

That was it, that was all you ever said to each other anymore. His smell always floated around the confined space making your mind flashback to what once was before you quickly pushed it away from your brain.

Neither of you ever said anything about it, it was like it had never even happened and sometimes you wonder if it even had or if your brain had made up everything that had happened eight months ago from your frequent dirty thoughts of your coworker. It felt like a lifetime ago. The familiarity of him, his smell, his smile, his voice along with the cold distance, avoidance to even look at you, and the constant wonder of him having someone else made you a little sick at your stomach.

You had decided to break things off… as if either of you were any more than fuck buddies. You knew that if anyone at work had ever found out about the two of you, you’d most likely both be fired. No banging other employees was a pretty strict policy there and you remembered the two nice ladies that were fired last year for it, you remembered it because your boss had made such an example of it.

You had been more than paranoid when you and Jungkook were boning for a whole month, you both had been so secretive even going as far as to have each other park down the street from your houses when the other came over. It didn’t help that you lived with your sister and didn’t want her to know you were sneaking someone in the house and screwing them. It also didn’t help that his roommate worked there too and didn’t get along at times. It didn’t seem like all the effort to sneak around was worth it at the time, but now you felt like you had a mistake.

As you took your seat behind the reception desk and began to put away your things for the morning, you just kept stealing glimpses of him doing the same at his cubicle. Every morning he would put his black messenger bag under his desk, turn on his computer, and roll the sleeves of his white button-up shirt up to reveal one very tattooed arm. His wavy hair was usually put back into a half ponytail for professionalism and probably so he could see, but there were always strands that managed to escape his hair elastic throughout the day. It was painful mentally at times having a view of him but trying not to look, it was painful knowing he wouldn’t look back at you anymore. You could still feel what it was like when he had glanced at you and smiled at you, your heart sped up at just the thought.

“Ugh why are you always here so early, you leave before I even wake up.” his roommate,Jimin, had walked in, looking great as usual but a bit tired in the face. He was lingering around Jungkook’s desk with his things still in hand.

“I like to be prepared, unlike you.” Jungkook joked back with a smile but you knew it was just more than a joke, Jungkook really didn't care for Jimin, he was a bit too spiteful towards him sometimes.

He had always come in early, you both were typically the first ones here besides the janitor. You had to be, your boss liked you here nice and early to greet everyone as they walked in.

“You coming to the thing tonight? The boss is letting us have booze.” Jimin asked him.

You felt like you really shouldn’t be paying attention to the conversation so you went back to sipping your coffee and getting ready to start the day.

“Hey.”

It nearly scared you to death as you rummaged through your bag under the desk for your chapstick. Your body jolted up to see Jimin leaning one arm on the reception counter.

“What?” you asked in confusion, wondering what he was now doing hanging around you with such a sly smirk.

“Well good morning to you too. Are you going to the party tonight? Boss is having a thing to celebrate meeting our yearly product sales goal.”

“I… haven’t thought about it, why?” you were honest, it didn’t mean anything to you.

“I know we have this policy, but you should think about going with me.” he gave you a wink that made you raise your eyebrows in surprise. “We could come here and have a few drinks and a good time, then we could go back to my place and-”

“How about we don’t? We could just not do that.” you gave him a very fake smile.

Sudden loud coughing erupted through the room making you both look over at the source.

Jungkook was doubled over with his coffee still in his hand.

“You good?” Jimin asked him casually and Jungkook gave a thumbs up to show he was fine, even though his big eyes were slightly teary before holding up his coffee cup to signify he had strangled on his coffee.

“Anyway, if you’re worried about someone saying something about us, you could just come separately and we could just see what happens…”

“I’m not worried because there is no us, Jimin. I’ll come, but let’s not see what happens, and let’s not even speak.”

“Your loss. At least I’ll have Jungkook there with me.” Jimin responded along with a shrug to your savage words before walking away.

You looked over to Jungkook to make sure he hadn’t died because he was no longer choking, you just wanted to make sure he was still breathing but your eyes were met with his. He was giving you this gaze before he raised his eyebrows at you with a slight momentary smirk, it all only lasted less than a split second before he adjusted his black tie and turned back around to face his desk.

How could he be so casual with a look like that at you? How could he be so casual with everything that had happened between you? You had no idea what that look was about but it had your brain so frazzled. It could’ve been nothing, but it was the most interaction you’ve had with him in so long, all it had done was remind you how starved for him you were.

You looked down at your desk feeling your face get a little warm.

Images of that very shirt he was wearing right now, being unbuttoned rapidly with those tattooed fingers in some dark, sketchy hotel room ran through your mind.

“I wish you knew how much I’d go through to be this close to you, to be inside of you.” The memory of his words and hushed voice into your skin gave you goosebumps.

The same man who had said that now sat right over there, not even having tried to flirt with you in the past eight months as you sat here and wondered why you do this to yourself.

Did he still feel that way or had he just meant it at the moment? There were plenty at the moment things that he had said that would flood into your mind just to hurt you when you saw him.

You glanced at him throughout the day as you often did.

You avoided each other on your lunch break, stepping around each other to get to the vending machines in the break room.

You ate at your desk alone while he ate with Jimin in the break room.

Things were the same as they had been, the look he had given you earlier meant nothing, maybe nothing that had happened in the past meant nothing to him too.

Maybe it was all just fun like you both had planned for it to be, if so, why were you still so stuck on it? Why were you stuck on him? You told yourself it was just because he was attractive, the most gorgeous man in the office, but there were just these little things about him you couldn’t get over. The way he stretched and grunted in the morning, you knew the way he liked his coffee, you knew his parents’ names. You had both shared so much of your lives for an entire month almost constantly until you ripped it away from yourself so stupidly. You had both agreed to delete each other’s numbers, but the truth was, you still kept his name in your phone with little hearts by his name. You needed this to end, you needed to stop being so hung up on him because he wasn’t with you. You decided to go to this thing tonight and at least hope for some answers, if you failed to get any you would do your best to stop thinking about him.

------------------

You had talked yourself out of this more than five times already, but you had gotten dressed and ready and made the drive over.

You now sat in the office parking lot just picking lint off of your black dress, not looking forward to how awkward this might be. In your years of working there, you had mostly just kept to yourself… until the thing with Jungkook happened.

“Are you nervous? You look nervous” he gave you a little smile from across the table from the coffee shop. He had asked you to get coffee after work and he could see right through you

“A little.” You had admitted.

“Don’t be shy, it’s just me. It’s just Jungkook, we work together every day.”

“Don’t be nervous.” You found yourself saying out loud to yourself as you gazed out your windshield at the building. “I shouldn’t be. I work with him every day and nothings going to happen anyway.” You hurt yourself a little with the last part. You put a lot more care into how you looked tonight than you wanted to admit.

“It’s just a stupid office party,” you grumbled to yourself before unbuckling your seatbelt and getting out of the car, if it was horrible or boring then you could just go home.

-----

You didn’t know what you had expected, but it wasn’t this. You had followed the signs to the floor that had held a large meeting room, but it didn’t look like a meeting room now.

It was just a room full of people with a snack table and alcohol. The room was dimmed but there were some cheap party effects lighting things happening. People were laughing and talking over some pop music that wasn’t eardrum-bustlingly loud but you still had to strain to hear over. You spotted a lot of coworkers you saw every day, more that you didn’t know from different departments though. You kind of just went and stood by a wall with your eyes searching faces, not stopping too long on any just in case they might think you were staring at them. Before you had left you wondered if you had been too dressed up, but now you were glad for your little black dress as you saw what the others were wearing. Everyone looked so nice and not at all what you were used to them wearing.

While your eyes were going over who was talking to who, you found him.

In the corner of the room on the opposite end, talking to some girl you had only seen a handful of times. She was touching her hair and smiling at him. He looked so dressed down in his ripped black jeans and a black t-shirt. His tattoos were freed as you had always liked seeing and his hair wasn’t being held back. You had seen him like this multiple times, but had anyone else? He had always looked so good like this, so himself.

Just seeing his hair down reminded you of all the times you had grabbed at it while moaning his name. Seeing him in those black ripped jeans reminded you of all the times he has made you ride his chiseled, hard thighs until you came multiple times.

You felt like you had been kicked in the heart as your brain went back to the present moment and saw her placing a hand on his shoulder.

He laughed at something she had said but took a step back out of her grasp smoothly before giving her a small wave. A few more words were exchanged before she apprehensively walked away from him, heaving him alone to stand at the wall on the other side of the room.

Your eyes darted away from him and over to the snack and drink table, you weren’t planning on getting any, but you wanted to make it look that way.

You felt nervous, he looked good and at least one other person had noticed. You told yourself that the lady who had just spoken to him didn’t know him as you did, she probably just saw a hot guy dressed in black with tattoos… just like you had when you both had started whatever happened. He was more than all of that, to you especially now after you had a lot of time to think about it all.

Although you didn’t want your eyes to, they had darted to him for a split second to see he had his phone out… until he looked up from it at you.

He had seen you, he had seen you looking at him from across the room, but he didn’t react. Instead, his eyes went back down to his phone, and yours went back to the table.

Your phone buzzed in your bag and you decided to fish it out thinking it could help you look busy.

“Hey, it’s Jungkook. I see you :)”

Your heart nearly jumped out of your mouth as you read the text.

He hadn’t deleted your number just like you hadn’t his.

You felt his eyes watching you but you didn’t look up. He was waiting for your reply, but you just stood there dumbfounded that he had just sent you a text from across the room.

“I know.” you had nervously typed different versions of this reply over and over only to erase each time before settling on the most simple reply.

“You look good.” it had taken him no time to reply in comparison to you. You stood there in shock and lost as to what to say to him. You were taking too long because he sent a second text.

“I know that dress. I remember it.”

You had been hoping he would. You had worn this dress on the first night you both had ever done anything. You made out in his car after your coffee date. He had just kept telling you how pretty you looked even with his hand in your underwear. It was hard to resist him from even the first date, you had no idea how you had made it eight months now.

“You look nice too, you always have.” You typed and sent it quickly before you could change your mind.

You watched him run his inked fingers through his hair as he read the text. You could swear you saw a flash of a smile on his face before his thumbs went to work on his phone.

“I miss you.” Popped up on your screen.

Part of you felt like crying a little. You felt his eyes on you once again and you looked up away from your phone to see that your feeling had been correct. You were sure your mouth was open as you locked eyes from across the room. Your phone vibrated again in your hand.

“We should talk.”

“Hey, gorgeous!” Jimin stepped in front of you making you lock your phone. “I know you said let’s not talk but-“

“Then why are you talking to me?”

“How could I not? You’re the prettiest one here.” He smirked but you could smell the alcohol on his breath. You couldn’t help the roll of your eyes.

“Oh hey! I’ve been looking for you!” Jungkook now walked up with a smile at you. “You found her for me and didn’t even know I was looking, thanks, man.” Jungkook seemed to be thanking an equally confused as you Jimin.

“Sorry to bother you about work stuff at a party, but I forgot to earlier. I need the contact info to a client I’ve been working on to sell more products to. It’s wild, it’s like I went to the bathroom one day and the info to this big buyer just kinda… disappeared I guess. So weird, almost like someone has it out for me.” Jungkook gave the fakest joking laugh you had ever seen and Jimin looked a bit wide-eyed. “Anyway, You’re the receptionist so I know you have the contact info for everyone anyway so I was wondering if you could maybe help me out and get it for me? It’s kind of really important and I need it ASAP. Already asked the boss and he said it was cool.”

Jimin had just kind of slinked off silently, but you knew what Jungkook was doing.

“Yeah, Uh of course.” You nodded.

He tilted his head in the direction of the door before you followed him out.

He led you towards the elevator in absolute silence and even as he pushed the button for the floor you both worked on he said nothing.

You were beginning to think he was wanting your help. And then you thought about it more in the silent ride and you felt so stupid. Of course he was wanting your help, he had never said he actually didn’t, not even when Jimin had walked away.

“I can’t believe that asshole sabotaged me like that. My roommate sabotaged my sale.” He mumbled before scoffing as the elevator door opened.

“I-I’ll help.” You said but he passed right by your desk.

“I’m glad you said that.” He replied as he walked over to Jimin’s cubicle.

“What are we doing?” You finally asked.

“Depends…” he raised an eyebrow as he looked back at you. “What do you want me to do?”

You swallowed the lump of nervousness in your throat to speak as you looked into his mischievous-looking dark eyes.

“Whatever you want I guess.”

He lifted you in almost an instant and sat you on Jimin’s desk.

“You know he’s always liked you, right? He would tell on us if he ever found out. You were willing to risk it, right here right now?” He dared.

Instead of speaking you grabbed a fist full of his t-shirt and tugged him down until his lips met yours.

God did you want it. You have wanted for eight long months. You were willing to risk everything after so long without his lips on yours.

You were still nervous but his kiss brought it all back for you and how natural it felt.

“Fuck me.” You pleaded against his lips.

“You need it? Tell me you need it.” His lips moved to your neck as he ran a hand through the back of your hair.

“Ah, fuck I need it. I haven’t fucked anyone since you.” It slipped out of your mouth and got a second your body went rigid.

“Me neither.” He nipped at your neck.

The second thing he had done tonight that had stunned you.

“Wait.” You stopped him and he backed up to look at you.

“I missed you too. Not just… not just this, I missed you. I don’t know if you feel the same but-“

“What did you think I meant by I missed you? I didn’t just mean the sex or your body. I meant you as a person.”

“I-why didn’t you just say?” You wondered out loud.

He dropped to the floor on his knees between your legs.

“Cause you dumped me.” He let out a snort “you told me to delete your number, which surprise, I didn’t. You wouldn’t look at me. Plus this went two ways you know. You didn’t contact me either.” He stated as he looked up at you while ghosting his fingers over the skin of your thighs as he spoke.

“I dumped you?” You were surprised by this news. You know neither of you had had the relationship talk before.

“I mean, I like to think we were together.”

“Then we should be again,” you decided. You were tired of wanting him and not having him and something told you that he felt the same.

“I think so too,” he whispered, inching his lips closer and closer to yours before smashing into them.

His hands squeezed at the meat of your thighs before trailing them up the sides, up under your skirt, and hooking them in your panties. Your tongues whipped together in each other’s mouths. You managed to move so that he could get your panties down, but he only pulled them to your knees. He grabbed your hips and pulled you closer to the edge of the table, so close you thought you might fall off if he wasn’t right there between your legs.

His fingers now slowly ran from your inner thighs to your folds. As soon as he touched you, you unlocked your lips from his and let out a shaky breathed whine.

“I can tell you missed me. You're so wet for me,” he whispered so quietly just for you to hear even though no one else was in the room.

You did your best to stay quiet as his fingers teasingly and slowly ran over your clit and back down to your cunt.

He lifted his slick fingers to his mouth and you watched with a slightly open mouth as he let them slide past his lips and then out of his mouth altogether, coming out more glossy from his spit.

“I missed the way you taste”

His even more wet fingers that now teased at your pussy were making you want to grab his hand and force it to do something more. You were practically shaking under even the slightest of his touches. You were nervous for someone to walk in at any given moment and all he was doing was drawing things out and letting his fingers kill precious time playing in your folds.

“I'd love to make you cum right now with my mouth” he pressed a kiss onto your neck where his face had been camping out while his fingers tortured you. “But I know how that makes you scream and we have to be very…” another kiss to your neck “very” his fingers finally slowly slipped into your cunt “very quiet.” his whispers tapered off to quieter and quieter, so much so that your shaking breaths felt loud between the both of you.

You were doing your best not to break out into full-blown moans so that maybe if someone walked in you could play it off as just talking or something else, as long as no one heard your moans on the way up the both of you could have time to look normal.

His fingers curled inside of you with his palm grinding down onto your clit slowly.

“Oh God.” you breathed not knowing how you were supposed to survive this. He was all you wanted for months upon months and now that you had him here, tattooed hand knuckle deep in your pussy, his lips on your skin saying nothing but filth, you felt like you couldn't even let go as much as you wanted to, but you were trying.

His hand sped up its movements as you could feel how hard he was now in his jeans against the inside of your thigh.

Your lips squeezed together but it couldn’t stop the small whimpers he forced out of you. You could hear him breathing in your ear along with the wet sounds of your pussy. You were close but so scared. Doing this out in the open was such a thrill but it also made you paranoid.

“Cum for me. I hear the way you’re whining, you’re so close I know it. Just cum for me. Cum around my fingers, no one will know.”

You couldn’t stop it now.

You grabbed a hold of his shirt and forced his chest harder against yours, you wanted him closer, impossibly close as you came undone, clenching around his fingers rhythmically as each wave of pleasure pulsed through your body.

He let out a little moan at the sound and feel of you coming.

“I missed that too.” He whispered to himself before pulling his fingers out of you slowly.

He reached between you and you felt him quickly yet nervously fiddling with his button and zipper with his hand that wasn’t soaked in your wetness.

He made a show about taking his thick, veiny cock out of his pants and rubbing your juices from his hand over it.

In seconds he was back in your ear.

“Can I fuck your brains out?” The whisper was soft, his voice was sweet but the words themselves were as hard as his dick he still stroked in his hand.

“You're always allowed brains out.” You whispered back “just do it.”

You felt his head run over your folds teasingly as he continued to play with you and himself.

“Do you still think about me fucking your brains out?” He asked. You could hear how much wetness had spread from you to his cock with each pump of his hand.

“Every time I need to get off.” You admitted. “So give it to me so I don’t have to keep wishing anymore.”

He pushed into you slowly, letting out a deep sigh and throwing his head back for a moment so you could see his perfectly sculpted throat.

You missed how full he made you feel while he was inside of you.

He pulled out almost entirely, the head of his cock was the only thing left inside of you, pushing on your g-spot before the thrust back in hard. This was the way he fucked, pulling out almost entirely so his head hit where you needed it. You had experienced guys that just flopped around, but he knew you, he knew your body, he paid attention, he had a very special handcrafted way to get you off over and over until you were shaking.

One of his hands grabbed your hip while the other went to your clit to play with using his thumb.

“You miss this, baby?” You miss my dick between your legs?” His lips brushed with your parted and panting ones as he spoke.

You let out a whimper as you focused on your second orgasm, his hips were not letting up and neither was his lips that whispered pure filth.

“Want me to cum inside of you, make you not want to forget me and who you belong to? Right here on Jimin's desk.”

Your eyes squeezed shut and you clutched at the fabric of his shirt as you were once again thrown into pure pleasure.

You couldn’t help it this time. The way he touched you, the way he felt inside of you, his grunts and words were all too much.

“Please, fucking cum inside of me, I want it all fuck you feel so good.” You cried out way too loudly.

“Oh my god, fuck.” He breathed through pants as his hips pounded into yours. You felt him release inside of you. Your walls clenched around him upon hearing his long deep guttural moan.

“I haven’t cum like that in…” he panted before letting out a little chortle of laughter “well in eight months.”

“So,” there was a loud voice in the room making your heads turn and your stomach’s sink. “You fucked on my desk.” Jimin looked beyond angry as he sat in an office chair across the room with his phone in his hand, pointing it at the both of you. You had no idea when or how he had come in, but you knew you were both beyond physically fucked.

Jungkook had already scrambled to pull out of you and zip his pants back up as you jumped off the desk, pulled your underwear up, and smoothed out your dress.

“That's fine, I have you both on video. I really liked you y/n. Jungkook, Looks like I’m moving out.” he stood from the chair and headed towards the direction of the elevator. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to speak to our boss about this. He probably won't be too happy to see you two are breaking company policy.”

“Fuck company policy and fuck you! You were an awful friend, roommate and you've always been jealous of me!” Jungkook yelled at him back.

“Not anymore, jobless.” Jimin turned back to give Jungkook a smirk before he stepped into the elevator.

With that, you were both just left there.

“I… I am so so sorry…” Jungkook began apologetically and just as stunned as you were.

“Don’t be, we’re too good for this job anyway, we can find new ones. It looks like you need a new roommate now though.”

You watched his face as a small smile grew on it.

“Yeah, looking for someone prettier and nicer, maybe someone willing to be my girlfriend? I don't know though, I don’t want to make too many demands.”

“Well I could meet all of those demands.” you played along. “We won't have to sneak around anymore.”

“Yes, please, yes. I uh- don't want to ruin the cute moment, but I think we should get out of here before Jimin brings the boss up.”

“Oh fuck, right. Uhh, we should probably just never come back too. Let’s just grab our stuff from our desks and make a run for it.”

“Let's go. You know, this is simultaneously the best, worst, most exciting, and most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me,” he said and you couldn't help but laugh and agree.

Maybe the both of you had made a big mistake, but perhaps there could be good that came from it. You had him back and honestly you didn’t feel too bad about trading your dumb job with its dumb company policy for him.

1K notes · View notes

heshoes · 3 years

Text

She was his best friend and they shared everything together already anyway. What difference would it make if it were a hat, shampoo, or the same bed sometimes? So what? That's what the Uni Daze were about, having fun, traditions, getting serious, new relationships, friendships, heart ache, break-ups, make ups, secrets, the occasional/casual bajingo here and there, and possibly, just maybe, finding the love of your life and hoping that it all works out.

Warnings: smut, slow burn, angst, mentions of abortion, mentions of verbal abuse

Harry Styles x OC (Face claim Zendaya)

Uni Daze Masterlist

Chapter 1 (Word Count 4k)

Harry

Water droplets cascaded down my neck before I grabbed a towel to throw over my head. That shower was definitely needed. My muscles would be sore from my workout this morning, but I enjoy the ache. As I headed towards my room to put on clothes I noticed that my roommates door was still closed and for Michelle this can only mean one thing.

I pulled up my trousers and pulled my t-shirt over my head before layering it with a plaid button up. If she doesn't wake up soon, I'll be forced to take measures into my own hands. I walked halfway down the hall and then stopped to pick up the beanie that I let Michelle borrow last night. The hat was carelessly tossed on the floor along with a t-shirt of hers and a pink-ish orange lace bra. This was just one of the many downsides of living with a woman. Even if she is your best mate, finding the occasional bras and panties mixed into your clothes on laundry day can put a damper on your chances of trying and talk to a girl if you don’t have a washer and drier in house, and lets not even mention those four to five days out of the month when a tampon box is left on the bathroom sink and you have to explain that to a date. Not thinking, I picked all of the items up before I dropped the shirt and bra on the ground, feeling somewhat awkward touching something that was so close in contact with Michelle's...intimate bits.

"Michelle?!" No answer…

"Mitchell?! Wake up you're gonna be late for our first class!”

I laughed to myself at her lack of response before I sauntered back down the hall to my room grabbing the Ultimate Alarm; a fog horn that Michelle, the lads, and I nabbed from a school footie game. We each have one and have all have organized to use it with each other when the drink has made us more sluggish than functional.

Not much has changed since the first day I met Michelle. She's the only one here that I've met who seems to have stayed the same throughout all the three years of university that I've known her....That can be looked at as both a good and a bad thing.

Shaking the foghorn with devilish delight and biting my cheeks so that I wouldn't blow my cover, my feet stopped in front of her door once again. I cracked the entrance slightly sticking my arm in the room and turning my head away to shield my ears as much as possible from the noise. As soon as I pressed the button to sound it off, I heard a loud thudding sound followed by cursing. If she wasn't up before, she's up now.

"WHAT THE FUCK, HAZLAND?!”

I ran back to my room to put the horn down and grab my bag. This is the first year that I haven't strained my back to pick it up. Fouth year with a lighter load but more studying than I did in all the other three years combined seems pretty backwards to me, but I won't complain.

"What time is it?”

"Half- Oh-“

Michelle emerged from her room looking worse for wear. Her hair was in a nest atop her head and she only wore a long sleeved burgundy t-shirt and a black pair of boy short knickers on her lithe, lanky frame. I swallowed deeply and turned my head away not expecting her to be so scantily clad. The colors contrasted with her warm honey/caramel skin tone and it was only then that I took in how much of her skin was actually showing. I've seen her naked before but it was an accident and brief. Very brief. I only saw her outlines really, nothing of real importance... not that I was trying to look or anything.

"Half past eight. Go put on trousers! I don't want to see your bajingo!”

Michelle primped her dry lips at me prior to moistening them with a swipe of her tongue, making sure to flip her middle finger up in my direction before she disappeared back into her room.

"Everyone wants to see my bajingo Harry and that's plenty of time for me to get ready. You didn't have to use the Ultimate Alarm. It's not like I was in a drug induced coma!”

"I called you twice but you didn't answer. I thought that-“

I trailed off my words as a gorgeous blonde walked out of Michelle's room. Her hair was tussled and she was scrambling to adjust her skirt as Michelle looked at me with a tightlipped grin, feeling out the room.Michelle walked her secret house guest to the door and gave her a lingering kiss that caused the girl to stand on tip toe before awkwardly waving a goodbye to her and shutting the door. I was left stunned.

"Pick your jaw up off the floor Styles!”

"That- that was a girl.”

“Yes."

"She was your friend?”

“No."

Michelle walked into the kitchen grabbing an orange juice carton out of the refrigerator. She took a sip straight from the jug causing me to grimace before she rolled her eyes at me and grabbed a red solo cup. I was only momentarily distracted before I continued on my previous trail of thought.

"But, you were...and she…"

"Yes Harry, spit it out come on. You're almost there. I know it. I can feel it”

"She was putting her clothes back on.”

Michelle nodded her head in agreement as she continued to guzzle the rest of our citrusy, pulp free juice. After she finished it, she tossed the empty plastic to me and then walked out of the kitchen. I was right by the bin but set the cup on the countertop as my brain continued to navigate through what I think I want to ask.

"You didn't have on many clothes…"

"No, Harry. Neither of us did last night.”

Michelle folded her arms while squinting at me. The hint she's dropped allows what comes out of my mouth next to be uninhibited and honestly sound a bit too over zealous about the idea.

"You had sex with her?”

Michelle nodded her head up and down grinning slightly. Almost a smug look on her face I would say. She hadn't been in a relationship in a while. The last one I remember was when she was with my best mate Louis. It's how I met her as a matter of fact. Michelle and Louis are virtually the same person. It's freaky sometimes. She could be a reincarnate of him as a girl. They were inseparable, but when it ended it ended badly. I'm still not clear on the reason why. Neither of them will talk about it, but I managed to stay neutral in the whole situation and still be able to carry on a friendship with both of them. I'm still good friends with Lou, but he doesn't come around as much since I moved in with Michelle. Me and her got on so well while her and Louis dated it was hard not to become friends with her as well. Louis moved on and moved in with his bird earlier this year and I haven't really seen Michelle with anyone...Until now.

"So-so, you're a lesbian then?”

"Yes Harry. I've 'switched teams' as they say.”

"Since when?” I was just so shocked.

"Since over the summer...Does it bother you?” Michelle looked down at the ground and scratched the back of her neck as if she were bracing herself if I said it did and to be honest I was slightly offended that she’d think that way of me.

“No… No, I just never saw you with anyone over the summer.”

I could hear a sigh of relief escape Michelle’s lips as she turned to leave the front door.

I could have sworn she only hung out with me and the lads when Louis wasn't around. She hung out with us so much and we'd gotten so comfortable around her that we actually started counting her as one of the guys and calling her 'Mitch' or 'Mitchell' instead of Michelle. She always pretends to get cross with us when we called her that, but she can never keep a straight face long enough for us to believe that she doesn't like it.

"That doesn't mean I wasn't with anyone Harrow." Michelle winked at me and went back into her room coming out ten minutes later in joggers, a t-shirt, and Nike trainers with no backpack, one pencil, and a pen. Very prepared.

"Told you thirty minutes was more than enough time. Come now, Hazland.”

"...That's what she said." I smiled proudly at my own joke while Michelle gave me an unwavering a stale face.

"If I can say anything about growth in these last 4 years of our friendship it would be that you have made the least of it. You are the worst.”

“The pot shouldn’t call the kettle names. I thought it was funny." I grinned at her irritation grabbing all of my things in preparation to start the final year.

"Of course you did. Usually when you think it's funny that means it's not.”

Michelle exited out leaving me to lock the door to our new off campus apartment but I wanted to know more.

I followed behind her and asked her all types of questions. You can't just spring on people that you've switched sides and not expect them to want to know all of the details. In all honesty it wasn't a big deal as long as she was happy. Perhaps I was just being nosy, but after usually seeing her with mainly men my underlying question to her was probably, "Why?"

"I wasn't having that much luck with guys, Haz. One night I went out for a drink and a girl approached me so I figured, why the hell not? What could it hurt, really? Nothing. I went for it, and I enjoyed myself.”

She didn't have a great track record with guys after her split with Lou. She was so unhappy at one point, but then again when you bring home assholes and expect them to turn into stand up gents tears are to be expected. They always looked like gutter grunge to me but at the moment that seemed to be her type, so I didn't say anything. I've actually spent a lot of nights with Michelle rubbing her back as she cried against my shoulder and handing her the odd Kleenex to substitute for my shirt. Now that I think about it, last summer I really didn't see her with any guys. I guess when I saw her with girls I always assumed they were just her friends.

"So...What's it like?”

"What's what like?”

"You know the, um, the switch...What's it like?" Michelle threw her head back and laughed as we reached the main building for our senior seminar class.

"You mean what's it like going from cock to fanny? Is that what you're asking me?" I raised my eyebrows at her bluntness and I could feel heat rise in my cheeks. There's no beating about the bush with Michelle, not anymore anyway.

"Pretty much, yeah. That's what I'm asking. I’m just being nosy. If it’s too much you don’t have to-“

"Honestly," Michelle shifted her eyes back and forth as if she was going to tell me the secret to life in her next sentence, "It's so much better. Guys have no clue what they're doing down there. It's so refreshing to have someone know exactly what it is that I want, when I want it, and how I want it without explaining myself like I'm a bloody rubix cube. Did you know that there are three holes down there?” She asked me sarcastically as if we weren’t both on track for Med school.

"I resent that! And no…no I didn't know that.” I replied to sarcasm with sarcasm, grinning to myself much like the purple devil emoji. I surely did know all the holes.

"Why is that, Hazland? The resentment issue?”

We took our seats in the half full lecture room at the back of the class as we normally do. Michelle, myself and the rest of the gang have started many an early weekend by sitting in the back of the class, signing the attendance sheet and then leaving when the professors back was turned. I don't think I'll do that this year though. I have too many important tests to take if I want to be a doctor. I mean to pass the UKCAT exam the first time.

"Because I'm not half bad at it. At least I don't think I am... Never got a complaint before and I don't intend to.”

Michelle laughed loudly as the professor walked in, drawing attention our way. I smiled and waved at the onlookers before Michelle chuckled again grabbing my hand to stop me as the professor started to speak.

"Just because you never got a complaint doesn't mean that it wasn't said, Harrow. Nine times out of ten, if you don’t hear a complaint it’s because she cares more about your ego than her orgasm...It’s a shame really.”

I primped my lips at her and we continued to whisper to each other back and forth while we took notes on what the professor wrote on the whiteboard during the lecture. There would be two major papers in this class. Thankfully for the twenty page essay that we'll be assigned to do later on in the quarter we can have a partner. Michelle quickly leaned her head on my shoulder choosing me to work with when the paper isn't even due until the last week of class. I of course accepted her. Not only is she my friend but she's one of those annoyingly clever people. I've honestly never seen Michelle open or purchase one required textbook in all of our three years knowing each other in our university careers, but every time marks are posted her marks are always first class honors.

By the end of class, I ended up giving Michelle a hefty amount of paper for notes in seminar and for the other classes she had throughout the rest of the day. It baffles me as to how she's this born genius, but the most unorganized person that I know at the same time. Her only response to my annoyance was, "At least I have writing utensils.”

"Was that girl this morning your girlfriend?”

"No. I'm an admitting fuckgirl. What’s the saying? If you can’t beat them join them. I refuse to be part of the played group any more. It's our last year after all. I figure it's time to up the ante. Let monogamy go.”

I laughed and shook my head before another question came up. It was always something I wanted to know about lesbians but was too embarrassed to ask. It's not like I have many lesbian friends who I could turn to and get the information that most want to know. I'm never that embarrassed around Michelle though.

"So, erm, um...who's more dominant, when you're...You know?”

Michelle rolled her eyes at the question and I began to feel like an ass.

"When we're scissoring?" She spoke loudly making my thought about embarrassment wrong.

“Chelle!"

Michelle snickered knowing that she's put a vivid image in my head of her and the mystery blonde. I shake the thought before I get too carried away. I'm not supposed to get aroused with the thought of my best friend and another girl.

"Whoever feels like it whenever they feel like it? It was always a competition with men isn't it?”

“I don’t think it’s so much a competition as it is that some women don't like being on top?” I spoke presenting the idea causing her to pop her lips in disagreement.

“It’s never asked though is it? Sounds like male assumption to me. When I'm with a girl it's just flat out pleasurable for the pair of us. It's not about dominance, Harry. It's about getting off. Scissoring isn't a thing though, by the by.”

I nodded my head up and down still in awe that she of all people had taken a liking to someone who has the same bits as she does. It didnt' bother me like she thought it did earlier and I hope I didn't give her that impression by my line of questioning. Honestly these were just things I always wanted to know. I'm actually more hurt that scissoring apparently isn't a thing...They make it look so pleasurable in porn...I've been bamboozled.

"That's enough questions about me for now. What's happened to you?”

"What do you mean?"

"Harry full offense, but you were a slut when I first met you. You've since depleted in your numbers dramatically, except I'm sure the use of your hand. There were tissues in your bin the other night when I was cleaning the apartment and you don't have a cold…"

"I have h-hay fever Michelle! Allergies kick up at random times... Don't clean my room, I'll do it! It's personal in there. I knew I couldn't find any of my shit for a reason. And hang on-" I knotted my eyebrows playfully at her earlier slut comment.

I admit that I got around, but I moved very slowly. I've only ever had sex with seven or maybe nine girls in my twenty-one years give or take. I don't really keep count. It's not like they were souvenirs or notches on my belt for me to keep track of. All of them were an experience and I'm pretty sure I could name them all if I had to.

The first time happened my last year in 6th form or high school you could say and I didn't even know Michelle then. I got teased for that a bit, but I wasn't in a rush. The maybe other seven or eight happened here at uni but it wasn't as frequent as Michelle makes it out to be. The first two were in my first year when I met Michelle, one of them ended up being my girlfriend over a span of Five months. After that, I only was only ever active with a few more spaced out over the course of two and a half years, and they were regulars. That's not that bad when you think about it, especially for a guy my age at university.

"You were Haz! You had a new girl every weekend.”

"I did not! They were the same few people. They just kind of, alternated? You just never paid them any attention so you thought they were different every time. You're giving me more credit than I deserve."

Michelle rolled her eyes and continued to tease me.

"Whatever. What's happened then?”

"I don't know what you mean. I got invested in my studies. I have to take the UKCAT this year.”

"When is the last time you fun bit wrestled, willy waggled, played 'hide the helmet', rolled in the hay as they say?" I scrunched my nose and then thought about it and then got frustrated that I had to actually think about it.

“Yet I’m the worst? Who’s this they you speak of?" I asked her, squinting my eyes and tilting my head to the side.

"Everyone says those things when talking about sex. The more mature ones do anyway. Stop dilly dallying and answer the question. When is the last time you put your 'p' in a ‘v'?"

"S-spring? Early spring? Early Spring terms I guess…"

I could feel my cheeks turn red as I answered her question and Michelle bit her cheeks as an odd snorting noise left her nose while she tried to hold in her laughter. It's not that funny.

"You haven't fucked since the spring?" I laughed more at myself than at the shocked look on her face and shook my head no.

"No, not actual Spring. Early spring terms, so February...My birthday.”

"Harry, we're at the end of August here! You might as well count yourself as celibate. Not that I can blame the girls for dodging you. You still call a vagina a bajingo.”

I chuckled before I spoke, "The word vagina is honestly just as bad as bajingo. And this is coming from someone who has over a hundred words and phrases for sex.”

"A hundred and counting, Harrow.”

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to make the red in my cheeks less noticeable by rubbing my hand over my face. Spring term is when I decided to get more focused. I threw myself into clubs and my books to try to get more into school and buckle down. I'm even president of our graduating class now, prepared to serve on the Alumni council after graduation and I for one am proud of myself for getting this far. The greater half of my first three years here at university was spent at frat parties and in my bed sleeping class time away. I barely know how I made it through this far with decent grades, but I'm grateful that I did. Failure isn't an option.

Michelle stood on tip toe, leaning her head on my shoulder all the while soothingly rubbing my back. When I turned my head to face her, she batted her long lashes at me and made her big brown eyes look like one of those odd cartoon characters whose eyes cover more than half of their face.

"It's okay, Harry.”

"What is?”

"That you haven't gotten any pussy in over six months." Michelle has officially taken a back seat and let Mitchell take the wheel. This is how she got the nickname in the first place.

"Sod off Mitch! It's not like it's a bad thing-“

"Like shit it isn’t."

"I'm busy anyway.”

"With your hand and those bin tissues." I nudged Michelle off my shoulder feigning to be fed up with her masturbation jokes.

"Well if you weren't in my room you wouldn't have seen them! Gosh, you do something one time and then that's what people automatically associate you with!”

Michelle lets out another awkward snort that causes both of us to laugh out loud as we walk through the halls preparing to go our separate ways for the rest of the day.

"That was actually kind of funny Harry. Your jokes are getting a bit better.”

"Yeah, I know. They're funny when they're at my expense.”

"Aw, Hazland. You poor, poor serial masturbator. I'll see you later, yeah?”

"Yeah," I grinned at her before I turned to leave.

"Wait, how much later?” Michelle walked back towards me with one eyebrow raised to the sky as I tried to quickly map out my schedule for the day in my head before spitting it out to her.

"Uh, I get done with classes at half five, then I have a class meeting at six, and then I work at the first year halls front desk from seven to eleven thirty tonight. So I'll probably get home around midnight."

I contently sighed and grinned at Michelle as a look of pure horror took place of her once relaxed features. Her eyes seemed to widen larger after every additional activity that I listed, but I truly enjoyed remaining busy. Michelle's face remained contorted with displeasure before she spoke.

"So you're still coming to the pub later with the lads right?”

"Uh-oh. Chelle I don't know. I kind of forgot all about that. I don't think I will though, it's Monday and-“

"Ah, ah, ah, I'm not taking no as an answer. You promised and it's welcome week anyway. The pub is gonna be live! Just swing by and have one drink.”

“Nahhh I think I’m gonna-”

"One drink.”

“Sit this one out.”

"One drink, Harrow. One. Come on its tradition. You can't just bum out on tradition. This is our last year." She held up her tiny pointer finger to emphasize her point before she spoke again, this time in a small whisper, “One."

“No."

“Please?"

“No."

“Please?” Her lips pouted and her eyes turned sad trying her hand at manipulation.

"No, Chelle. No. Stop looking at me that way...Oh! Gah! Fine. I'll head to the pub when I get off work. One drink. One.”

Michelle bounced on her feet and clapped her hands in excitement making me shake my head before I turned to leave. Before I could make a real step Michelle called my name again.

"Hey, do you think I could borrow a pen? I seemed to have dropped mine."

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crackheadgeminibby · 3 years

Text

mistakes were made

pairing: chris evans x black!reader

warnings: language, age gap, angst, mentions of sex TW body insecurities and talk of weight gain

word count: 2.9k

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape or form or reposted on any other platform

picture credit: screengrab from "Captain America Dinner Party" on youtube

You finish getting dressed and pick up everything you need to go for a run. As you’re walking down the last steps, you see that Chris is sitting on the couch, working on something on his computer. You come up behind him and softly kiss his temple before saying,

“Hey baby. I just put Emma to sleep and I’m gonna go for a run. Can you just pay attention and make sure she doesn’t wake up, please?”

Chris absentmindedly nods and mutters a “be careful”. You faintly smile and roll your eyes at his unwavering concentration but make sure to turn the volume of the baby monitor all the way up before leaving.

You go out through the garage and smile up at the sky, feeling the heat of the sun warming up your face.

You start to run the route you used to before getting pregnant with your baby girl. Last Sunday, it had been five months since your bundle of joy had been born. As much as you utterly adored her and the experience of carrying your own child, you had not appreciated the effect that the pregnancy had on your body.

On the contrary, most mothers-to-be were described as glowing and full of new energy but while you were pregnant, you always felt like you were about to get a cold and you had put on so much weight that you could barely recognize yourself. You had thought that it was only the pregnancy hormones changing your body that way as you were still very young, but today, five months after giving birth, your body had stayed the same and that certainly was not helping your confidence.

You weren’t sure if Chris had noticed your insecurities that manifested themselves by you eating almost the same meager meals every day and pushing away all sorts of sexual interactions with him. Since he had never mentioned anything or ever seemed frustrated with you, you thought he simply didn’t notice it or just didn't mind it.

Lost in your thoughts, you’re back home before you know it. As you’re entering the garage, you faintly hear Chris’ voice travel through the house all the way to you. Slightly confused, you assume that he must have forgotten to tell you he had an appointment or something, so you make sure to be as silent as possible to not disturb him.

“Bro, I know, it’s fucking crazy. I actually have my own child now.”

You smile softly at his excitement. You’re downing a bottle of water you took from the fridge when your ears perk up at your name coming out of Chris’ mouth.

“Oh, Y/N? Yeah, you know, she’s fine, she's good.”

Tilting your head slightly, you try to understand the sudden shift in Chris’ mood: even from two rooms away, you could feel his energy change.

“No, it’s fine, it’s just that she’s been kind of weird since the baby.”

You frown at hearing Chris say that. He never mentioned anything to you so why the hell was he talking about it with whoever was on the other end of the phone?

“No but like bro, look, it’s like this. I’ll be out all day doing whatever, and then when I come home, she’s all over me, being super clingy and all. Like, she will literally not let me go anywhere. But then, whenever I try to ease the mood into, you know, something more sexual, she just shuts down and says that Emma needs some food or something and she leaves. Then, when she comes back, she’s practically running from me like I have the fucking plague or something!”

As Chris is listening to what the person on the phone is responding, you start to feel a knot in your throat and you know that if you don’t do anything soon, you’re going to be full-on sobbing. As you’re working on your breathing and a plan, you hear Chris say,

“Dude, I literally thought the same thing. I swear. But, when we went for her check-up a little after she gave birth, the doctor said we couldn’t have sex for 6 weeks. It’s been like 20 weeks now!”

Unable to contain your emotions any longer, you leave your water bottle on the counter and run back to the garage, as silently as you can. Once in the safety of the garage, tears stream down your face as you let out a sob that brings you to your knees. You let yourself cry for what feels like forever, but you know it must not have been more than 5 minutes.

When you start to calm down, you focus on finding a plan to make sure Chris didn’t know that you were eavesdropping on his phone conversation. You take deep breaths before wiping your face and fixing your appearance as best as you can while using the rear-view mirror of your car.

Once you’re certain that you can’t do anything more, you take a final breath before opening the door and slamming it loud enough for Chris to hear that you’re in the house. As you’re approaching the living room, and thus, the staircase leading to your room, you faintly hear Chris say, “Yeah, man. I’ll talk to you later.”

You pass behind him while keeping your head held high and not giving him a single glance. As you start to climb up the stairs, you see that Chris is turning towards you.

“Hey baby, I didn’t hear you come back. How was your run?”

You take a deep breath before answering as calmly as you can, “Fine. I’m going to take a shower.”

Chris hesitates for a second before responding, “Um, okay, I’ll start dinner then.”

You don’t answer and run up the last couple of stairs as you feel your resolve crumbling. You hurriedly take some random clothes and a towel before locking yourself in the en suite bathroom. As soon as the door is closed, you put your hand over your mouth as a cry escapes you again. You put your clothes and towel on the counter before sitting in front of your bathtub. You don’t know how long you stay there, stifling your cries, but you suddenly hear the doorknob jiggling before a loud knock resonates through the bathroom.

“Y/N? You okay in there? I heard some weird noises.”

You clear your throat as softly as you can before answering, “I’m fine, I just stubbed my toe.” You cringe as your voice breaks halfway through your sentence.

The doorknob jiggles again before you hear, “Are you sure? And why is the door locked? You never lock it.”

“Uh... I'm on my period.”

You roll your eyes at your dumb and illogical excuse but it was going to have to do for now.

Before Chris can say anything else, you start the shower, rapidly take your clothes off and step inside. Both Chris and you knew that when the shower water was on, it was almost impossible to hear anything else in the bathroom.

You spend at least an hour under the scalding water, and you finally get out as you see a glimpse of the time on the bathroom clock: 6:45pm. It was time to start getting Emma ready for bed and you knew that she rarely slept through the night if you weren't the one to put her to bed. Knowing that this meant that nobody in the house would really get any sleep, you reluctantly turn off the shower water and get out of the shower.

As you’re toweling off, you can faintly hear music coming from outside of the bathroom. You put on the clothes you had taken from your room and put them on.

How ironic. You were wearing the same shirt from the first time Chris had told you he loved you. You smile bitterly as you look at the shirt in the mirror and pick up the rest of your things before getting out of the bathroom.

You walk into your shared bedroom with Chris and immediately recognize “Wicked Games” by The Weeknd. You roll your eyes as you remember the time you had told Chris that, for whatever reason, The Weeknd’s 2010s phase could always get you in the mood. You take your time doing your skincare routine before taking care of your workout clothes.

After finishing in your bedroom, you close the door and head to Emma’s room to get her ready for bed. However, you frown confusedly as you see that everything in Emma’s room is clean and organized. Emma is clearly changed, dressed in her nighttime pyjamas, tucked in and soundly asleep while Dodger is snoring in front of her crib. You smile softly. Even before Emma was born, Dodger was extremely protective of her and when she was born, he was practically attached to her hip. Wherever Emma was, Dodger was also there.

You’re watching Emma and Dodger sleep, a seemingly permanent smile on your face when you suddenly feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn around rapidly and slightly jerk away from Chris when he attempts to put a hand on your arm. He frowns slightly before saying,

“I got Emma ready for bed and dinner’s ready downstairs.”

You sigh and walk around Chris before making your way downstairs as you hear his soft footsteps behind you. When you turn the corner to enter the living room, your breath slightly hitches as you see that Chris has set a candlelit dinner table. Chris softly sets his hands on your shoulders and starts to gently massage them as he says,

“I made spaghetti with chicken parm, your favorite. And extra cheese, just how you like it.”

As your resolve starts to crumble, Chris’ words from earlier in the day echo in your mind. The memory makes you instantly tense up and you let out a shaky breath while trying to control your emotions. To take the focus off of you, you sit down and start to serve Chris and yourself some water. You hear Chris sigh loudly before he sits down in front of you. He serves you a hearty serving of pasta with a whole chicken breast before serving himself. Chris looks at you, clearly hesitating to say anything for a couple of seconds while you’re poking at your food before saying,

“So, I thought you would like the chicken parm tonight since you seemed kind of down after your run.”

You let go of your fork, which loudly hits your plate, and put your head in your hands before you say, “Oh my God, Chris, I can’t fucking do this.”

“Woah, Y/N, you can't do what? What's wrong?”, Chris asks, shocked.

“What’s wrong, Christopher, is that I heard you on the phone this afternoon. Talking about how I’m supposedly clingy and never want to have sex with you anymore.”

Chris visibly tenses up as he hears your statement and stammers trying to find an excuse to justify his behavior.

“Wait, I… I can explain.”

You hold your hand up, signifying to Chris that you’re not done.

“First of all, you have absolutely no right to talk to anybody about our sex life without at least asking me first, which you know I would absolutely not agree with. Second of all, you should know by now that if you have any problems with me, you come to me. You don’t go talking to some random person about it behind my back.”

You angrily get up from the table and narrow your eyes at Chris as you continue.

“And third, not that you deserve any justification whatsoever for me not wanting to have sex with you, but I gained weight, Chris. Way too much weight. I find myself fat and gross and I didn’t want you to see my body and think the exact same things I think every single time I see myself in the mirror.”

You sniffle as you realize that you had been crying.

“And you can help yourself to the couch tonight.”

You walk up the stairs and, mindful to not wake Emma up, you softly close your bedroom door. You immediately snuggle into the covers while soft sobs rake through your body. You’re not sure how long you lay there crying but you eventually fall asleep from exhaustion.

You groggily wake up a couple of hours later while the sun is starting to rise as you hear Emma’s cries on the baby monitor. You rub your eyes as you get out of the bed and head over to her room. You take Emma out of her crib and immediately identify that her diaper is full. You feel your headache from crying developing further as you’re changing Emma.

When you’re finished, you take Emma in your arms and bounce her up and down while softly humming to help her fall back asleep with Dodger dutifully following you.

You head downstairs in search of painkillers for your headache while continuing to hum to Emma. While passing through the living room, you can see Chris’ head resting on the couch armrest. As Dodger spots him, he heads over to him and whines softly before setting himself at the end of the couch, prepared to fall back asleep.

You chuckle slightly before downing the painkillers and heading back up to Emma’s room, ready to put her back in bed. You set her down and tuck her in before exhaling softly and heading back to your bedroom.

Your headache and the painkillers had effectively made you exhausted again as you fall asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow.

When you finally wake up for the day, you groan at the faint traces of your headache still present. You look over at your nightstand and see that it’s now 7:30am. You roll your eyes at this. You had barely slept an additional hour.

Figures. You never really slept that well when Chris wasn't in bed with you.

As your senses start to really awaken, you smell some coffee and hear the shower running for a couple of seconds after which, it stops.

Before you know it, Chris walks out of the bathroom, body steaming, with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. He suddenly stops in his tracks as he realizes you’re awake.

God… Even when he pissed you off, he was still hot as fuck.

He lightly clears his throat before saying, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just wanted to take a shower after my workout.”

You gently shake your head before responding with a raspy voice, “You didn’t wake me, it’s fine.”

Chris nods his head once before tightly smiling. You can feel the tension in the room as Chris stands in front of the bathroom door and looks anywhere but at you. After a couple of seconds, he softly sniffles and croaks, “Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

You sit up in the bed and lean on the headboard as you frown softly. Chris makes his way to you and softly sits on his side of the bed with his head hung. You can see from the various expressions that are passing on his face that he’s trying to find the words to talk to you

“I didn’t really sleep last night because I kept thinking about what you said. And I realized how much of an asshole I was.” He balls up his fists as he shakes his head and continues, “I never should have talked about any of those things with Matt and I’m so sorry that I did. I’m also sorry that I never came to talk to you, like a grown man, and instead just talked about you behind your back.”

Chris hesitantly reaches for your hands and takes them into his when he sees that you’re not negatively reacting to him while tears are dropping on the covers.

“Above all, I’m especially sorry that I ever made you feel like I wasn’t there for you and like you couldn’t come to me. I really didn’t know how you felt about yourself and it breaks my heart that I let you go through this alone when I should have been there to support you after Emma was born."

He shrugs gently before finishing with, "And for what it’s worth, I think you’re as beautiful now as you were while you were pregnant and before you got pregnant.”

Chris looks up at you with red eyes as he waits for you to say something. You open and close your mouth multiple times as you’re trying to find the right words to respond to him.

You finally settle on, “I don’t know that I can forgive you right now, Chris. What you did really hurt me. Like a lot.”

Chris’ head slightly hangs down before you finish with, “However, I don’t think it would be beneficial to our family for us to be apart right now.”

As soon as he hears this, Chris’ head snaps up, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“I’m gonna need space and time to work through this but I believe that our relationship is stronger than this.”

Chris nods excitedly and bites his bottom lip before asking, “Is it okay if I hug you?”

You lightly nod your head and chuckle slightly as Chris practically throws himself at you. He rests his head in the crook of your neck before whispering “I love you so much, Y/N.”

Without hesitation, you whisper back, “I love you too, Chris.”

If there was something that you knew would never change is that you loved Chris, forever and always.

#chris evans #chris evans x black!reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfic #chris evans x black reader #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x woc #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfics

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pracstyles · 3 years

Text

Love is only for the brave

Imagine: After the irrelevant chaos held by Candace Owens of him wearing the dress, Y/N helps him and proves that you have to be brave for each other when you are in love.

A/N - It's an old topic to discuss about. The whole thing is outdated now to talk about but I wrote this months ago but never finished it. Also, even if the whole Candace Owens thing is not there, the toxic masculinity and misinterpretation on feminism is still there which I would like to highlight in this imagine. Hope you enjoy!

Warning - lots of crying, hate and toxic comments, insecure!harry

___

The door clicks after her as she enters the apartment, her one hand carrying the entire bag of papers, a pile full of script she decided to bring back home to read, too lazy to do it on the set. Other than that, she was missing her boyfriend. The moment her watch showed nine o'clock, indicating she was done with her day at the set, she had rushed out of the set they've been working on.

The third reason being that she quite remember arguing with Harry about the positions she always wants to have sex in. While she wants to do it, Harry is somewhat reluctant about her getting hurt. So, during her lunch break, she'd make sure to question every query through the internet. Luckily enough, there were several opinions about it and she found out the conclusion.

“Baby, I am home!” She shouts happily through the exhaustion. A glimmer of smirk comes on the side of her lip as she shouts again in an amusing tone. “With answers!”

In other, usual days, Harry Styles would never dare to keep quiet when he hears his girl’s voice. Today, Y/N feels something wrong.

The whole place is cascading with silence. For a second she thinks he has gone out. The thought instantly worries her as to why hasn't he texted earlier to tell her that he would be gone out late. She hastily put her bags on the side table beside the entrance and walks in, her eyebrows furrowed together. Where is he?

Passing the hallway attaching the living area and their shared bedroom, she reaches in front of the door, almost lifting her hand to twist the knob when her ears pick on a wet throaty sob, followed by another sound of cry.

No doubt, the other side of the door is Harry. She even can feel the pain in his cry, he’s hurt, badly. She senses outrage as her mind dampens with anxiety not knowing who dares to distress him. The last time she had heard this much pain through his voice was when his stepdad passed away. That time she was in no place to blame anyone and prefer to give Harry every amount of care. But now, the thought of him undergoing the same squirms resentment inside her.

She didn't waste any time to open the door, the only barrier coming between them. Her heart almost tugs into half seeing the love of her life, sitting on the carpet near the bed, his head hidden between his palms. He let out another cry and then silences himself with quiet sniffles.

“H.” His uptight shoulders loosen instantly when he hears her voice.

His arms fall down that was initially wrapped around his body protectively and he automatically speaks. "They are talking stuff about me." Harry murmurs.

"Baby, what are you talking about?" Y/N sits down beside her boyfriend who sniffles, shaking his head while looking down at his lap. She bits her lips clearly not okay how shaky he looks. "Harry, tell me what stuff?"

Harry breathes and stifling a sob he spills. "They didn't like the dress that I wore."

Normally she is the one crying over everything and nothing, every crisis that ever happened to her, Harry's arms always had found her body to wrap, to soak in every sadness from her but now she is the one required to give comfort. Shuffling herself more closer to him, Y/N reaches for him and strokes her thumb on his tear-stained cheek. "You went online?"

With a nod, Harry responds to her. He feels guilty. He was strictly told not to go on social media the moment the photo shoot would be out for the world held by vogue. His manager, PR team, and even his mom asked him to keep his distance as the shoot was controversial enough to affect his career. So, Y/N made him stay away from all the comments being passed for a week. Until she chose to go to work this morning compelling Harry to check Twitter.

Seems like all hell broke loose after that.

"Oh, Harry." Y/N sighs, slumping her shoulders. Harry lays his head swiftly on her shoulder as her fingers started combing his soft curls. They both stay cuddled into each other arms, sitting on the floor of their bedroom.

"There is this woman." Harry begins slowly. "Candace Owens. She criticized the shit out of me." He chuckles softly.

Holding him, she pulls him apart to focus her eyes on him. "Who is she?"

"I don't know much about her but got to know she is an author and activist."

"That's why I told you not to open those apps for few days, didn't I?"

"Curiosity got the best of me, I guess." He whispers. Rubbing his cheeks with the back of his palms, he glances at her taking a long breath. "What should I do?"

"Have you talked to Jeff about this?"

"He said to ignore these comments."

Licking her lips, she asks, tilting her head in familiarity. "Well, can you ignore them?"

Harry's eyes again teared up. "I think I can't."

"Show me," Y/N says. Kissing his forehead, she smiles sadly at him. "If you can't ignore then share it with me. Show me what she had said."

He nods at her words. He feels fortunate to have her. With a lot going on, he always knows he will have Y/N along to support him. At last, she is one of his biggest supporters.

Grabbing his phone from the nightstand, he hesitantly passes it to his girlfriend who gives him a reassuring glance before unlocking his phone to see the first thing that pops on the screen; the twitter statement made by Candice Owens. Harry must have put down the phone after reading this, feeling low enough which made him cry.

"There is no society that can survive without strong men. The East knows this. In the west, the steady feminization of our men at the same time that Marxism is being taught to our children is not a coincidence. It is an outright attack."

"Clothes don't define how strong a man is. Clothes simply shouldn't define your gender." While she is nodding reading the words, she scrolls down to see the opposite.

"It screams gay to me. What is happening to this world? Men trying to be women? Go out and work. Leave this to women."

It is then when one reply catches her attention. It says. "Wait so Y/N let her boyfriend wears the gown and had no problem with it? Dude, she ain't getting it on the bed then."

Following comments are either of people supporting Harry or standing Candice's statement about how he has influenced the wrong description of masculinity. Disgust crawls upon her, watching the audacity of this woman not only circulating false reality but changing the whole meaning of feminism and masculinity.

"Ugh! What the fuck?" Y/N finally groans, looking up after skimming through the replies under the tweet. Harry sure had predicted an outburst, a hug to comfort but not her walking on him. He stares as she tosses his phone on the bed angrily and dashes out of the room. He doesn't move though, thinking Y/N has left him.

While Harry thinks worst out of the situation, Y/N is fuming. She is seeing red. Digging her phone from her bag, she calls her manager instantly.

"Hello?"

"I am posting about Harry on my social media." It isn't her telling the manager but instead making her statement clear.

"Didn't you two determined to keep your relationship private?" Her manager's voice comes in an alerting tone.

"Not after what people is saying about Harry online."

Of course, her manager knows it. Hell, everyone working in the movie with Y/N is dreading to ask her how she feels about her boyfriend wearing a dress but they decided on the contrary.

"Be careful, Y/N. You know you shouldn't be getting into any feud when we are so close to finishing the movie. It can damage the ratings once it get released." Her manager sighs on the other side. "I'm just saying you have to be careful with your words. Protect your boyfriend but don't forget about your reputation."

"I will try to be as polite as I can. Good night." With the last farewell words, Y/N's mind knows what to do next. It has to be done. Not for Harry but to clear the stigma.

---

The next morning, Harry wakes up with red swollen eyes, hair scrambled with knots, and throat aching from the crying the previous night. But the other thing that comes to his attention is him resting on the bed when he clearly remembers falling asleep on the floor.

That means only one thing. Y/N had helped him to bed. That means one more thing. She is still here. His heart is beating fast. He is unsure whether she now thinks of him as a joke like others.

Taking a deep breath, he walks over to the bathroom and decided to clean himself up good to face the consequences. He's afraid to do so but as long he wishes Y/N to be his side, he can handle anything. He relatively recalls the day, when he came home to her, a contract in one hand telling her about how he got into a Vogue photoshoot. According to him, this was something big for not only him but for the world to face as he would be dressing up in a gown. Not to forgot he was terrified of her reaction too, of what she'd think. His face went priceless when she smiled at him, later dedicating the whole night for the big opportunity landed on him.

"You don't think of me as some mad man wearing dress at all?" Was his trembling words when she had stepped in the kitchen with wine glasses.

"You're only a mad man in bed, baby. In a positive way, of course." Was her answer with a shrug and a proud smile.

So, how can he think of her not supporting him now?

Harry carelessly gets out of the shower, rushing to wear his clothes as he wants to check on her. He is convinced Y/N couldn't just stop supporting him.

When he strolls out of the bedroom, he then smells a delicious aroma filling the whole hallway of their apartment. A smile tugs on his lips, surprisingly a cheerful one that had gotten away since the night.

He finally finds her. Swaying her hips, she is mixing something in a pan as she cooks something while dancing to whatever the radio's been playing.

"Y/N." That makes her turn around and Harry sighs in relief seeing his love happy and not what he was imagining earlier.

"Baby, good morning to you too." She grins radiantly at him.

"I am sorry for yesterday." The words came out faster Y/N could blink. She creases her eyebrows together, very confused as to why he is apologizing to her.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For crying like a baby yesterday. You came home tired and then you had to babysit me." Y/N sure felt her chest tightens at his words. Does he thinks she feels obliged to take care of the person she is in love with?

"It wasn't me babysitting you, H. You needed comfort yesterday. You've done the same for me too, right?" When Harry nods, she continued. "None was your fault, Harry. You did something which you felt comfortable doing. If few people don't seem to appreciate this then it's on them."

"You don't think of me as a fool?"

"Why will I think of you as a fool, baby?" Y/N walks near him.

"Me wearing dresses, painting nails, and wearing jewelry...you never thought of it as extra?"

She shakes her head and then looks straight into his eyes. "What do you think of yourself when you wear these things? Normal or extra?" She asks calmly.

"Normal."

"And how long it's been since we are together?"

"Three years." His answer comes out fast.

She sighs, glowing. "Yes, three years. So, why the fuck will I feel your dressing sense extra when I never once complained about it."

Silence quoting in the kitchen, she snickers. He watches her while she chuckles at his dumbfounded reaction, returning to her work. His head starts bobbing in understanding. The words of his girlfriend explored his mind further. If someone close to you gets affected by your real normal self then the person is not your loved one.

His mom always loves him, so does his sister and his friends. Y/N loves him.

He smiles to himself. She truly loves him. She would never leave him alone.

Suddenly his phone rings breaking him out of his thoughts. Seeing how gracefully Y/N dances on the song currently playing on the radio he quickly walks out of the kitchen to attend the call. Turns out that the call is from Jeff.

He quickly picks up, thinking what provoked his manager to call him this early in the morning.

"You know you should marry Y/N right now or I'm fretting someone else will."

"What the fuck, Jeff? What are you talking about?" He questions.

"Just open insta and Twitter to find out, mate." With that Jeff quickly ends the call, leaving Harry to do the task. He sits on the couch, glancing over Y/N who is cooking breakfast for them.

Sighing to him, he gathers enough courage as he doesn't want another episode happening like yesterday night, he taps the Instagram icon.

He is left bewildered, as he stares at the photo. With the same rush of excitement, he quickly exits the app, opening twitter where his face gives the same reaction.

His eyes blink back few happy tears. He makes a run towards Y/N and carefully tugs her body around his arms. She squeals at the immediate weight lift and laughs, throwing her head back.

"Something happened?"

"Yes." He simply replies. Plopping her down, he is quick to taste her lips. He grabs her jaw and pulls her impossibly close enough, relishing her body heat and fragrance.

"Seems like something good happened." She hums, chuckling as she pulls apart.

"You, baby. You happened and it is more than good."

And yes, Jeff's warning of marrying Y/N stays in Harry's mind. He was in rush the next day to find a ring, a perfect fit for his lovie. In their love, she is the brave one and he is glad she is his.

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