#I actually really like Billy as a character. I think he’s interesting but these characters should hate him

[dreamerimpossible]

Slashers kinks

Warnings: +18 content, dark content manipulation, obsession, unhealthy relationships, many kinks...

Characters: Michael Myers, Chucky, Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Patrick Bateman, Hannibal Lecter, Vincent Sinclair, Jason Voorhees, Leatherface, Art The Clown, Jason Dean, Alex DeLarge, Kurt Kunkle, Sweetly Slasher, Brahms.

Michael Myers

I've already said in my previous headcanons that I don't consider Michael Myers to be really interested in sex. However, if you manage to catch his attention, he would be inclined to:

Hunter/Prey: This one is too obvious, isn't it? It would certainly keep its essence if that primary desire for you was awakened. Chasing and killing is something that fascinates him enormously. But since he saw you running away from him, eager for him to catch you... the feeling of pleasure went straight to his cock. Seeing you so vulnerable and innocent before him is a sight that always makes him get hard in his pants. He chases you walking calmly. Just one push is enough to immobilize you.

Corruption: Another way to awaken his sexual appetite is to be the perfect prey to corrupt. Both sexually and mentally. He would like everyone to know that you are no longer as innocent as you were at the beginning. That your skin has the name of Michael Myers marked forever.

Knife Play: A must. He will do everything to you with his knife. He'll make marks on you, both superficial and not so superficial. He'll write things on your skin, like his name. He'll be violent and brutal. Your skin will be scarred. He loves to watch you fall apart in pain and pleasure. It's a show no one else could give him.

Chucky

He doesn't actually have as many kinks as you might think. He's a man of simple tastes…

Lingerie: Coming home and seeing you in lingerie is a surprise that will never bore him. Like I said, he's a simple man. Do that, don't tease him too much and you'll have him. It's that simple. He's on top of you in an instant, he won't listen to you if you tell him not to touch him and shit like that. He doesn't listen to anyone and he'll take what he wants.

Lap dances: Literally canonical. Sit him down and do a nice lap dance for him. He'll be mesmerized by your moves. He'll have a mischievous smile the whole time. His eyes will sparkle with lust. Finally, he couldn't hold back any longer. Also, it could work pretty well to make him jealous on purpose. He'll be aggressive with you back and it'll be rough sex.

Praise Kink: Praise him. Seriously. Do it. It'll boost his ego and he might give you a compliment back, telling you what a good girl you're being for him and that you're the best he could ever have. Give him your best compliments and he'll do it right back. He'll tell you that you're the best he's ever had and that he can never replace you and shit. I'm not saying he's lying, but let's just say he'll exaggerate his compliments because he's too turned on not to tell you what you want to hear.

Billy Loomis

Roleplay: The best roleplay here will be ghostface and his victim. He gets a huge turn on from seeing you in that vulnerable state, acting like a dumb girl who needs help. Every time he sees you like that he can't stand it. He needs to take out his violent frustrations on you. It's irresistible. Sometimes he won't even tell you it's role-playing, he wants you to believe he's genuinely considering harming you, it's kind of twisted. But you already knew that.

Cream-pie: He won't use a condom, he wants it to be just risky enough. He needs to fill you completely with his seed and see for a second the fear in your eyes. He will never give that up. He needs to mark you over and over again with his semen. He'll tell you how no one will love you if they know all the dirty things you've done for him.

Dirty talk: He'll tell you the worst things you'll ever hear. He'll threaten to kill you and say he won't if you agree to be his good bitch. He'll tell you all the things he could do to you while showing you his knife. He wants you to feel degraded and unable to help the pain building in your chest and the excitement you're experiencing in your crotch. He'll make fun of how turned on you are and increase the level of his insults.

Stu Macher

Threesome: At some point they'll have a threesome with Billy. It's guaranteed. He'll like watching you fuck and destroy you. The feeling of power they have over you drives him crazy. Being completely willing to him and his desires. It's all he's ever wanted. Billy, on the other hand, also likes to be in control of everything. So having you will be just another example of that. They both treat you like you're their whore, so your opinion doesn't matter much when it comes to what they do. Your moans are the only thing they care about.

Voyeurism: Watching you masturbate is something he'll do often. There will be days when you won't even notice he's there, watching you. But he'll be there. He'll leave minutes after you reach your orgasm. He likes the feeling of watching and being absolutely crazy to touch you and not always being able to. Torturously wonderful.

Phone sex: Every day before he makes his appearance as ghostface he tries to call you and say dirty things to you over the phone. He uses his voice changer. Things get hot quickly. When you ask him to go finish what he started, he just hangs up. He doesn't have time for that. He wants to leave you wanting and make you beg for him once he comes to visit you. He expects nothing less.

Patrick Bateman

Humiliation: He loves anything that involves humiliating you while he is in a position of superiority over you. It turns him on that you feel embarrassed and want to keep pleasing him even though he is fucking cruel to you. He will probably make you lick his shoes or make you cum on them. He might threaten you in your ear while they are doing it.

Master/Slave: This goes hand in hand with the previous kink. He will make you kneel before him and do everything he tells you. This could be extrapolated outside the bedroom to be honest, he is very controlling. You will always have to treat him with respect and he will punish you harshly if you reveal against him or make him feel that you have some discontent. His wishes are his command and he could openly express your position in the relationship in front of others.

Mirror sex: I suppose this does not surprise you. If he has a long-term relationship with you, he will not only enjoy seeing himself, but he will like seeing you too. It's a kind of pleasure that's been building up with you. It's become addictive to see your faces in the mirror, watching your body crumble under his touches and thrusts. He just can't get enough.

Hannibal

Discipline: I firmly believe that Hannibal will start to show his sexual kinks if he has control over you. At first, he will be totally vanilla and show no hint of wanting anything more. Later, after a while and he can see the obedience you show him, he will start punishing you sexually on certain occasions. He will discipline you in ways that will hurt. He will like to see how you change your behaviors when you feel pain. It's a good show for him.

Threesome: This one comes up again, because...he would have a threesome with Will Graham. It's so terribly obvious that it didn't even need to be put in. But it could become a recurring fantasy and something he would do more than once. The perversion, darkness, and secrets you share with each other would make him terribly hard. Having control of both of you really turns his sexual desire up. Not that you're complaining.

Begging: You have to beg him. Seriously, do it. It doesn't matter how committed you are to this. Do it. He'll like it when you get into an inferior position. If you're crying out in pleasure and need his help to have your orgasm, it'll be a nice image for him. If you're being bratty and pretending to beg him to get in the mood, he'll oblige (after disciplining you, of course).

Vincent Sinclair

Wax play: Another one that was awfully obvious. He'll blindfold you and drip hot wax over your body. Your shaky sighs of pain and pleasure will drive him crazy, but he's a patient man, he'll wait until he's satisfied and take his time, as it's the best thing he's done in a long period. He'll caress your thighs while you suppress a slight moan of pain. It's his way of comforting you, but he won't let you off the hook.

Vouyerism: He'll appreciate you lying naked while he's doing his job. He'll get distracted a few times by you, but he won't do anything until he's done. He likes to have a little desperation for you. You are the prettiest thing he has ever seen in his life, the most beautiful. And that is already a huge compliment coming from him. He wants your figure to always be in his memory. And he will keep you as long as he can.

Breeding kink: He wants to keep you and he is too excited by the idea of ​​getting you pregnant. He wants you to stay with him forever and not be able to escape from him. If he gets you pregnant, he will never have insecurities about it again and he could be with you and have you all to himself all the time. The orgasm is very strong when he paints your walls white and sees his cum coming out of you.

Jason Voorhees

Blowjob: At first, he would feel quite guilty while seeing your pretty lips wrapped around his penis. Afterwards, he would get used to it, but he would simply make you decide the pace. He would feel quite lustful and dirty if he makes you choke on his cock. He feels bad when he knows it would turn him on too much to ever do it…

Lap-dancing: His body will respond on its own when he sees your hips moving on him to the music. He will soon discover that he cannot resist you. It is impossible. His hands will grab your waist and he will squeeze it tightly. It will be very easy for him to grab you and drag you to the bed. You know it is the easiest way to provoke him, he will never be able to resist your half naked body on top of him, teasing you, without caring at all. He might think badly of you at first, but that feeling is replaced by the inevitable guilty desire. Which makes you irresistible.

Mutual masturbation: This is the best way to give body worship. He will do his best to give you pleasure and you will hear his grunts when you give him pleasure. He will become so desperate that he will want to hear your moan of orgasmic pleasure quickly. He lives to see your body tremble for him, begging him to make you cum.

Leatherface

Praise kink: He needs to be praised by you. Feeling that he is important to you and that you look at him with eyes of desire will always get him going. Praise how strong he is, how well he takes care of you, how safe you feel with him. Tell him those things and he will be around your finger. You don't need anything else.

Vouyerism: He will watch you while you touch yourself. At all times. Sometimes he will demand that you touch yourself in front of him, other times he will watch you secretly. He will like to see your fluids on your fingers and will be hypnotized by the sight of your wet and hot intimacy. He will want to enter but he doesn't want you to see him as a total pervert. He prefers to stay with the desire. At least at first. Afterwards, he will be more shameless.

Blood play: He likes blood, so it is not unusual for him to get excited seeing the blood of victims on you. You will have sex while both have their clothes and bodies stained with blood. If you ever felt shy or guilty about what they do, it quickly goes away. You're likely to be absolutely shameless afterwards. The kink quickly becomes routine, he's practically always covered in blood and will act on his impulses at a moment's notice.

Art The Clown

If I'm honest, I could have written something worse.

Free use: He'll use you at any time. In front of victims, at the mall, at a bar. Obviously he won't ask and he won't stop in case you're embarrassed or don't want to. You're his toy and the maximum compassion he'll have towards you will be to leave you alive. So, thank him. Thank him while Vicky mocks you for being a bitch. Thank him while the man dressed as Santa looks at you in horror. Thank him while you're being thrown out of that Halloween store forever. Just... thank him, okay?

Glory Hole: Obviously only he will be able to fuck you. He likes to remind both you and himself that you're just a hole for him. He'll fuck you and make cuts on your legs, making you understand that he could kill you at any time and that, in fact, it would be quite painful for you. He likes to hear your crying and how you try to escape. You're just so good at satisfying him.

Forced orgasm: He'll use toys to make you cry. You'll be on the verge of overstimulation, to the point that you can't fully control or enjoy the forced pleasure he's giving you. According to him, things aren't all that good without deep pain. So, watching you beg for him to stop is the best thing you can give him at that moment.

Jason Dean

Gun play/Gun kink: Another one that's obvious. He'll use his gun as both a show of power and a sex toy. You might see him threaten you with his gun too if you've upset him. He'll tell you that he owns you and that's why he has all of you in his hands. It's a psychological game that he loves. If you're submissive, you'll practically be drooling at his power. If that's the case, he'll become more obsessed with you.

Hunter/Prey: He's fucking good at hunting. It's a twisted game that he'll repeat over and over. It'll be much better if you use the safe word as little as possible. He'll give you time to escape and he'll play psychological games with you, saying scathing words and phrases to you. He'll find you every time and take what's coming to him. You might get too dirty if he wants to play it out in a forest.

Exhibitionism: He'll definitely fuck you before he ends someone's life. He'll do it in front of them and put on the best show. It's much better if the person watching you is attracted to you. That scenario is the one he likes the most. It's addictive for him to humiliate someone who can never have you. It's one of his many twisted fantasies.

Alex DeLarge

If I'm honest, I could have written something worse x2. Let's see, it's clear what his kinks are; among them, there is noncon. But in my analysis I doubt he does this to his partner, but this is not out of respect or anything like that, the real reason is that he needs to keep you by his side and for you to see him as your leader willingly and to follow his wishes always. For that, he needs to avoid you hating him. Therefore, he will not force you. The only scenario in which I see him doing this is if he no longer wants anything with you and needs to end the relationship somehow or you rebel against him like his droogs did. That said, his kinks:

Gangbang: Yes, he is a possessive man and all that. But, listen, give me a chance. He, at the beginning of meeting you, will not be attached to you enough to prevent this perversion from coming to light. I definitely see him being a jerk and he will definitely tell you that to enter his group you will have to sleep with everyone. I can see this happening in the first few months. Obviously none of them are detail-oriented or anything like that. Afterwards, when Alex becomes attached to you, it will no longer happen, because you will be his property.

Deep throat: If he hears you gag, it's better. He doesn't need you to try hard to limit it. He wants to hear how you struggle to take him. He needs to see the tears running down your cheeks. He needs to feel your throat every time he goes deep inside you. He won't even apologize. He'll like it when your throat hurts afterwards.

Exhibitionism: Another one that is obvious, but is a must. He needs to have sex with you in front of many people. He needs them to see how he gives you pleasure, how everyone envies him. He wants everyone to want to have you but no one can, to look at your body with morbidity, but to never be able to have you. He needs to see the look of disgust on conservative people's faces. It's his ultimate fantasy.

Kurt Kunkle

Angry sex: This will happen often. He always does what he wants and gets absolutely careless with you. So you'll be angry for a long time and the best way to let it out is by having angry sex with him. It's the only way, as he won't listen to reason and will keep doing whatever he wants. Hit him, degrade him and make fun of him. He'll let you do whatever you want. He'll laugh if you're too cruel.

Cam sex: This isn't even surprising. He'll be turned on by fame, so it will turn him on to have sex in front of a lot of people watching. He'll keep his followers happy, so he'll tell you anything they suggest he tell you. So you'd have to be pretty shameless to be with him, as you might come off pretty degraded and pretty much everyone will see you as just a sex toy for entertainment.

Sexting: They'll do this a lot too. He can't be physically with you all the time. So, in his free time he will write you dirty messages and expect you to reply immediately. If you don't, he will get upset and jealous, thinking that you are with someone else. If this happens, the sexting will become more aggressive.

Sweetly Slasher (Quinn from the time jump, obviously, from the time cut movie)

Again it cracks me up, because nobody knows this one, but oh well since I'm including unknown slashers, give me your best suggestions for movie slashers that are not included in this list so I can include them and make the list of slashers longer lol.

Dumbification kink: He is literally a genius who was rejected by a girl; so I think he will continually treat you like you are a fool, it's his way of dealing with the situation (apart from the murder, obviously). And in sex that will intensify much more. He wants to overstimulate you and make you unable to respond with anything coherent. He'll say you're his favorite fool and expect you to act like it. He will manipulate you too much to make you do the things he wants you to do and pretend to praise you at the end.

Power play: I don't know if it's really a conventional kink, but I add it because it's in character. This goes hand in hand with the previous kink. He will put you at a disadvantage on multiple occasions, as he constantly needs to make you and himself understand that he is in control of you. So he will literally make all the decisions. He knows your limits and your tastes perfectly, so he always tends to get it right.

Sex toys: He is usually very busy, so he will play with you from a distance with the help of sex toys. He will order you not to move or do anything that could distract or bother him. Just focus on the sensation he is giving you through the toys. If you behave well, he might pay attention to you.

Brahms

Vouyerism: This kink has come up quite a bit, but it is impossible not to add it to Brahms. He will constantly watch you from behind the walls. He will watch you change clothes, bathe, pleasure yourself. He will watch you all the damn time. You would practically be his entertainment and his desire for you will increase much more as he gets to know your habits and your body.

Objectification: After he watches you for a long time, he will see you as an object. It is inevitable. You are the object of his desires. Made for him. That is why if you do not react the same, things will not be easy for you. You are supposed to agree with everything he says. You are supposed to be his alone and belong to him. He will convince you sooner or later and when he does, he will make the mistake of looking at you as his sexual object every time. You will have to be strong to be able to control him.

Overstimulation: He will like it when you overstimulate him. He wants to cum over and over again for you. He likes you to try to make him cry because he is so hypersensitive. He will beg you to make him cum over and over again. It does not matter how much it hurts or how much he cries. He also likes to feel like your toy. Just play with him.

[darnell-la]

WHEN I CALL DIBS — I MEAN IT

pairing: dark & jealous!billy hargrove x new student!reader

summary: Billy always calls dibs on women, and when Steve gets what’s his in less than a week, Billy can’t seem to keep desires and anger away from her.

warnings: cnc, non-consensual kissing, manhandling, begging, crying, choking, rough sex, threats, etc.

Note: billy hargrove is one of the darkest characters we write about. It’s not hard to see how evil he really is, and a part of me likes that — anyway, we apologize for this shitty post. we made this in like 30 minutes…

———

Y/n thought she’d hate this town. That was until she met her classmate Steve Harrington, who made her laugh at any second he could. It’s only been a week, and he’s already asking her out to a house party.

“It shouldn’t be bad — I heard the punch will be out of this world,” Steve said, making y/n think harder. She loved drinking if it was sweet, and Steve seemed like a trustworthy person to drink around. He never once gave off a creep vibe, and she loved it.

On the other hand, Billy Hargrove, who sat in the back of every one of her classes with Steve, gave her vibes she’d never felt before. The way he always looked at her if they made eye contact made her want to look away as fast as she could.

“Maybe, I have to make sure I don’t have work to do,” y/n said, making Steve chuckle. “There’s no school tomorrow — You’ll be fine,” Steve said, only pushing y/n forward to wanting to go.

Billy’s blood boiled once she said yes to Steve’s night out. He hated how happy they were, and that no one else could see their flirting during class.

Billy had called dibs on her the moment he saw her on the first day. Steve wasn’t there, but even if he was, Steve loved a competition. It would make him sick if someone like Billy Hargrove got a girl like y/n. He wouldn’t know how to treat a sweet girl like her.

“Wanna match? I could come over with my outfit, then we can look through your closet to see what you have,” Steve said, not hiding how much he wanted to be close to her. It’s only been a week, but there are no rules to High School love.

After class, Steve ran to PE while y/n walked to her next class. As she went to turn a corner, she was met with Billy Hargrove leaning against the wall. He had been waiting for her.

He couldn’t stand how much Steve and her spoke, yet y/n hadn’t said one word to Billy since she arrived at the school.

“There you are,” Billy said as he kicked off the wall. “Hello?” Y/n said, not really knowing why he had been waiting for her. They’ve never spoken, and he always mean-mugs her.

“Heard you’re going to the party tonight- with Harrington — I think you can do better,” Billy said as he scanned the younger girl's figure with a smirk. “It’s not a date, just a party,” y/n said before she continued walking, already not wanting to speak to Billy ever again.

“Then you should go with me — I’d make your night fun before and after the party,” Billy’s voice carried behind her, making y/n roll her eyes. She just knew Billy Hargrove was one of those men.

“Not interested,” the younger lady said, thanking God for being several steps away from her class, but she wasn’t expecting Billy to grab y/n’s forearm and pull her inches away from her body.

“Don’t fuckin’ walk away from me when I’m offering you something, understood?” Billy growled. His eyes seemed darker than usual, making y/n wiggle to get away, but he was too strong.

“That’s how I know you’ve been around Steve for too long. Get the fuck over here,” Billy pulled y/n to the nearest bathroom he could find as she tried begging him to let her go. Billy looked strong, and now y/n would be able to confirm.

“Billy, let me go!” Y/n finally shouted. Seconds after, Billy pushed the young lady against a wall, gripping her neck to keep her still for a deep kiss. Y/n continued to push and scratch at the for man, but that only made him chuckle.

“Get off!” Y/n screamed with enough force that wouldn’t have actually gotten him off, but because he was surprised by her fight, he backed up. No woman has ever seemed uninterested in him, like y/n has been.

“Don’t fucking touch me again, or the whole school will know,” was all y/n said before she rushed out with tears in her eyes from the violation she’s never felt before.

Billy stayed in the bathroom, knowing that if he went after her, he would have to ruin her with too many people around to hear. He’s never felt anger like this in his life. He’s never thought about doing something like this to someone in his life.

Y/n was now tipsy on punches she swore she couldn’t finish if what happened to her today never happened. It’s almost like that fear and anger pushed her to down every drink she filled for herself.

“You don’t have to drink anymore if you can’t — We still have a long night ahead of us,” Steve said as he pulled y/n closer to him by her waist. “They’re better than I expected,” y/n slightly slurred, making Steve chuckle.

“Do you mind if I stay the night at your place tonight? You know, to make sure you get to sleep and wake up at a good time to study,” Steve tried his best to seem as sweet as possible to spend more time with her. It’s almost like he doesn’t ever want to leave her side.

“You can stay,” y/n smiled, making Steve pull her into him more with a big smirk. “Then drink as much as you want, princess,” Steve slipped out a name she’ll never regret hearing him say.

Throughout the night, y/n had completely forgotten about the assault Billy had done to her earlier that day. She felt unbelievably safe around Steve.

“I’ll be back,” y/n said to Steve before telling him how much she had to pee. Steve wanted to go with her, just to be close to her for her drunk night, but he didn’t want to push his boundaries.

Y/n quickly made her way to the nearest bathroom, only to notice the line. She cussed to herself before she made her way outside. The house was huge, and she knew there would be space somewhere for her to squat.

As soon as y/n found a tree, she ran behind it and popped a squat. The release she felt made her sigh. It’s like she’s been waiting all night to pee, but never wanted to leave Steve’s side.

“Funny to see you here,” a voice had come from behind the tree y/n was leaning on, making her scream and fall to the ground. “What the fuck!” Y/n said as she struggled to pull up her leggings. She still hadn’t seen who the person was, as she was too focused on covering herself up.

“No need to pull them back up, sweets,” was all y/n heard before the man hovered over her. Y/n fought and screamed, feeling a familiar body against hers. That’s when she took a good look at the man and noticed who it was.

“Been waiting for you to leave Steve’s side for hours. Thank God you for coming out here, way away from the party — We need to have a talk,” Billy said before he began ripping her thin top off.

“No- Stop it!” Y/n yelled at the man, fighting harder than she’s ever had to do. All Billy did was chuckle as he pushed the young lady's legs against her upper body. Y/n struggled to fight with her leggings still wrapped around her knees, restraining her from pushing Billy off.

“I just know your cunts tight,” Billy said as he took a look at y/n’s folds. He being shaved only made this a miracle for the man. “Billy, please get off of me- Please!” Y/n begged as the man quickly pulled his hard on out of his jeans.

“You think I’m gonna listen to you after all that giggling you did with Harrington? You must be one of those dumb bitches, huh?” Billy said as he grabbed his cock to line up.

Before y/n could beg him further, the man forced himself inside of her, causing y/n to cry out in pain. She felt herself rip in a place she’s never felt before.

“Yep — You’re fucking tight,” Billy groaned as he pulled out just to laugh back in, making y/n arch her back to get rid of the pain, but nothing she did helped. He was too huge, she was unprepared, and tense.

“So glad I get to fill this pussy before Harrington — He doesn’t fucking deserve you, you know? Swear to God, if you guys get together, I’ll ruin you every chance I get,”

Y/n cried harder at the thought of Billy trying to claim and own her. She had only been here for a short week, and Billy was deep in her cunt and thoughts. She was terrified, and that’s all Billy wanted. He can’t wait for her to make him this upset again. Maybe next time he’ll force her to her knees in front of Steve to show them both how things work around here.

[sp0o0kylights]

Indie horror filmmaker Eddie Munson, high off his first big (underground but notable) success, knows the movers and shakers of the film world have their eyes on him. 

They're just waiting to see if he was a one hit wonder before they open all the doors he's been trying to kick down. 

His next upcoming film is his chance, his shot at finally making it. Of being like Rob Zombie and the other creators he looks up to that masterfully blended metal and horror. 

This is his golden ticket. 

The project starts off smooth. His last success has greased the wheels, and things fall into place faster than ever before. 

He's got the best idea for this insane haunted house story, a true "mazes in mazes" type of deal with a queer twist. A real look at how a place can haunt a person just as easily as a ghost can.

 Everything's going swimmingly--until one of his leads drops out the day they're due to start shooting.

No call no show's, and later, Eddie will find out the guy got a last second call back to be a contestant on one of those Love Island bullshit romance gigs (and laugh his ass off when the main love interest takes one look at Billy Hargrove and goes on a five minute rant about ugly mullets on national television) but right now? 

He's fucked. 

He's called in every favor he has for this film. Maxed out every credit card he owns, tapped every contact, got on his hands and knees and begged his rising star journalist best bud to help him market it. (Which Nancy agreed too, for way less cash than she should have.) 

 Eddie can't get anyone on the phone, much less find a replacement actor and the amazing place they rented, that is so dark and wonderfully eerie, is booked out the rest of the year as an AirBnB. 

If he doesn't film now, he loses it all.

Cue the other lead, unknown theater actor Steve Harrington, watching his hair pulling, tire kicking, 'cursing and hopping while holding a toe' mental breakdown and asks why Eddie himself doesn't act in it. 

"Just go full Kevin Smith man. Act and direct." He says, with an easy grin. 

Jeff, Eddie's tried and true videographer, trades glances with Gareth and Grant (Eddie's long used special effects and makeup team, who double for about twelve other jobs because they're also his best friends and they're all in this together, make or break.)

"We don't really have a lot of other options." Gareth hedges. "You're already using me and Grant as background characters." 

Eddie, hands fluttering around his face as though trying to wave away this entire situation, squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a pained hiss. 

"Fine, fine!" He announces with the air of a man running towards a fire. "Fuck it, this is our one shot and so help me I will be shooting it!" 

Steve politely hides a laugh with a cough. 

"Chuckle all you want big boy, I'm going to tragically romance you so hard people will forget both of our characters actually live." Eddie snarls.

Steve, the handsome bastard, just winks.  "Looking forward to it." 

Eddie blushes, but hides it with a surge of frantic energy, conveyed by lots of yelling and moving and getting the ball rolling. 

Two days later, Steve would give the performance of a lifetime down on his knees, covered in a literal pound of fake gore, booty shorts and nothing else as he sobbed about how a lover could become a home. His hands clawed at Eddie's jeans before resting a tear stained face on a slim leg as he bent his body towards Eddie like it hurt to be away from him. 

Eddie would later receive equal praise in his own acting during the scene, with the world and every reporter in it asking how he conveyed an otherworldly panic so beautifully throughout Steve's performance. What was he thinking, to evoke those expressions on his face? 

The way his own pale hand, unmarred by blood and acting as a metaphor for the plot, would come to stroke Steve's cheeks.

Eventually he'd come up with a smooth polished answer that cheekily pleased his audience, but nothing would ever come close to the truth. 

("Eddie I've known you since grade school." Jeff said that night, a scant few hours after they'd wrapped. "You can act man, but not like that." 

Eddie made a wild "shut up" gesture, looking frantically over his shoulder before admitting; "You saw how close his face was to the prince of darkness!? I was seconds away from popping a boner next to his lips, in front of the 4K camera!” 

Eddie bounced into Jeff’s face so he could hiss: “He fucking had his chin on my thigh, Jeff, and I am only a man. A mere mortal!" 

"So we're gonna unpack all of that later." Jeff said finally, when he'd managed to get his mouth working and Eddie back out of his personal space. "But dude, we've talked about you calling your dick the prince of darkness." 

Eddie flipped him off.) 

One year later and critics named Corroded the best horror film of the year, praising the camera work, practical effects, and how there wasn't a soul alive who was surprised to hear Eddie and Steve were dating after their explosive on screen chemistry.

No one ever quite understood the prince of darkness jokes or why Steve mentioning it made Eddie blush, but that was a secret to find out later. 

Today on WIP’s I have no intention of writing, indie horror movie AU!

[ennn]

An incredibly thoughtful and intelligent interview with Kathryn Hahn! Here's a bunch of my highlights under the cut - this interview was definitely done after episode 6.

Shout-out to @isagrimorie and @the-ominous-owl for finding this first

Happy to see someone complimenting Hahn on how well she's embodying the character right down to her fingertips. The interviewer asked the thing I've been dying to know: how it was like working with her movement coach Jennifer White.

Turns out she didn't work with her much for AAA, since Agatha doesn't have her powers, but she worked closely with her for WV where White would propose specific movements for the different spells she had to do, giving her options.

Hahn lets it slip at around 6:11 that Agatha gets her powers back at the very end. Which yeah if you've been watching trailers seems kinda obvious but there you go.

I love how Hahn naturally slips in and out of character in her answers to these questions – she's clearly spent so much time and easily gets into that headspace. It also shows how good these questions are in exploring the character.

Yes, Agatha's whole trauma with her mom did of course make it difficult for her to trust other witches or anybody. "Centuries of survival mechanisms, she just makes a joke."

Interesting: Not only does Rio understand and see parts of Agatha she doesn't want others to see, Agatha "sees things in [Rio] that she's trying to conceal."

Hahn describes their very long and complicated history as one that is "filled with love and respect and hate", with Hahn saying that Rio has really been the only one whose energy has felt equal to Agatha, "someone to spar with and be shocked by".

Agatha's default mask / shell is to be mean. That's always an available option.

Agatha surprises herself with the empathy she's finding for this coven the more time she spends with them, because it is a coven of outcasts. It's new and weird and unexpected for her.

Hahn aligning with Schaeffer's interpretation that Agatha has limited control over her siphoning power: "It's like something takes over and she just absorbs people's power... When she find herself doing it, it's like she can't help it. She just takes."

Hilarious based on Hahn's reaction that she never unpacked the episode 5 aftermath scenes consciously until now. "Oh Agatha." Yep she is a real mess when you actually look at her lol.

Happy that Hahn's perspective is aligning with my meta of how complicated Agatha's relationship with Billy is: It's "an echo of something", Agatha's happy and proud that he's dropped the ruse and is embracing his witch identity, and that he's capable of murder. And she remembers the little kid she babysat.

You can tell how much Hahn cares for and is protective of the character when she talks about how vulnerable Agatha was under the spell and how she was brought low.

Hahn did say "foreplay" when responding to the question about the Episode 1 physical fight, and Rio and Agatha going at each other despite not being able to kill each other.

"I think it's a testament to how strong their bond is that it could reach through a spell and find each other there. And she was really responsible – and Teen – for getting me out of the spell."

"So it felt familiar, like we've done this again, a million times over the years. And it always kinda ends like that. 'Not this time!' but you know what I mean? We keep it going."

[givehimthemedicine]

time for my big lumax rantpost. I used to be way more of a shipper but upon reexamining some of my GA-era assumptions, I'm here to tell you why it sucks, and why I don't look forward to lumax endgame if it's the same lumax we've been getting.

lumax has fantastic potential, but needs lots of work to actually become the ship most of the fandom thinks it is.

I get the sense most on here consider lumax ST's darling perfect ship which is sullied by weak and/or racist writing. while I wouldn't argue at all that the writing does right by Lucas, I do think it's important to recognize lumax as an intentionally-written badly flawed relationship, NOT a poorly-written perfect relationship. (the writing for 5 has a lot to prove so we'll see)

lumax is obviously happening. no ending to Lucas's story makes sense other than him getting the girl. however, I don't like that from either character's standpoint.

from hers - Max is not a prize. and from his - Max is no prize.

Max is a pretty shitty girlfriend.

we've never seen her show Lucas any interest in learning anything about him. I can't remember a time she's complimented him, said anything nice about him, or done anything purely for his benefit. virtually all of their serious conversations have been about her, and the scant few that are sort of about him are inevitably just a lead-in to him offering support to her.

Lucas and Max's relationship - pre, during, and post dating - is 100% about what he can do for her. he's the one making 100% of the effort.

it seems like most of their interactions are him walking on eggshells trying to placate, reassure, or convince her, all for the reward of.... what. being allowed to continue existing near her? like yeah, she's a cool girl, but. that can't be it.

what good is getting the girl if the girl doesn't really offer anything?

. . .

through the seasons, semiquickly:

season 2

Lucas and Dustin both like Max, so they invite her trick or treating, offering to protect her from bullies and show her where the good candy is. in other words, the first Max / Lucas interaction is him offering something to benefit her. Max returns no appreciation or even response to the invite, yet still shows up to reap the benefits.

that pretty much sets the tone.

Max wants to be included, but that's a sensitive subject, so she puts on aloof airs to protect herself. it's an act, but nonetheless it's all Lucas receives.

the facade slips on multiple occasions though; Lucas is permitted to see her vulnerability, and we can see she's actually more desperate to make the connection than he is.

Dustin seeks Steve's manipulation tactics to use on Max, but Lucas wins her over by treating her like an equal and offering her genuine friendship.

he risks both his place in the party and his safety/life to include her, gives his undivided attention when she talks to him, asks questions that show his interest and concern, he reassures, uplifts and compliments her, and physically protects her.

in return, Max. uhh. well she does apologize for being a jerk, although she doesn't exactly stop, lmao. this is one of only two moments I can think of when Max reveals any regard for what Lucas thinks of her.

lumax is off-balance before it even starts, although s2 is when I think that dynamic is most permissible. since Max is a newcomer, Lucas has the advantage in many respects, and it makes sense for him to be the one extending a hand to her.

when Billy attacks Lucas for hanging out with Max, he could be gravely hurt if not for Steve taking the beating instead. Max joins in the momentary group hug but never says a word about this. (I suspect the writers mean for Max's bus apology to have proactively served as a veiled "sorry my stepbro is racist" but more felt needed in that moment.)

then they go to the dance and she kisses him and it's cute and everything is happy for ten whole seconds.

between 2 and 3

even though the summer of '85 is "the good days," this relationship is already careening downhill.

we learn that Max has dumped Lucas five times - such a regular occurrence that he takes it in stride and is well practiced at winning her back as a result.

unfortunately it's Lucas taking to heart the "happy wife happy life" policy from his dad that's set up lumax as something that seems to serve only Max. her awareness of the policy means she holds all the cards.

season 3

Max has secured her place in the party and the relationship, and now it's time for her to bring something to the table, but I honestly can't name one thing. it's still Lucas bending over backwards and Max sometimes being a bit of a jerk. (another act. we'll come back to this)

from the start of 3 we see an excessively secure Max and an obsequious Lucas. she doesn't show him any of the vulnerability that made her endearing in 2. they share fun moments, but we can infer that she doesn't treat him very well in ways that matter.

at one point she even plays mad just to watch him panic. you get the feeling this boy can never feel secure in his relationship. yeah she's just teasing, but do you think Lucas is allowed to tease too?

when El comes to Max for advice, she tells her that "boyfriends lie all the time" and this is before we see Lucas lie to her.

when Mike comes to Lucas for advice, he confidently schools him on how to get back in El's good graces by buying her a present - making clear he's been following his dad's advice all summer long and it's been working:

L: Dad? When Mom's mad at you, how do you make her not mad? C: First, I apologize. Then, I get your mother whatever she wants. L: Even when she's wrong? C: She's never wrong, son.

the mall confrontation is the first time we see Lucas really lie to Max, but even then, the girls don't actually have proof Nana isn't sick.

it's telling, actually, that Lucas's loyalty goes to Mike instead of Max in this moment. in s2 it was the other way around (Lucas pissed off the whole party by including her in the group and telling her the truth - a technically banishable offense). but now he's back to his s1 bros before hoes policy, and not only backs up but expands on Mike's lie. after dating almost a year, his loyalty to Max should be even stronger, but here we see the opposite. if Max had been at least as good a friend to him as Mike, I'm inclined to think he would at least have tried to be noncommittal here.

Max is so confident Lucas will have nothing on his mind but winning her back, as always - meanwhile who we actually see Lucas apologizing to is Will.

she may have had Lucas wrapped around her little finger all summer, but we're seeing that start to uncoil. if Lucas apologizes, it's offscreen.

when Billy tries to break out of the sauna to kill Max, Lucas slingshots him and body shields Max during the fight. next thing you know, Max is back to being cliquey with El in the bathroom (making fun of Mike even though he was the only one who did anything to save El's life?? girl you're being shitty to boyfriends that aren't even yours)

they seem to be a couple again by the end of 3, but the relationship is weakened...

between 3 and 4

..which sets the scene for how the two apparently drift when Max ends it once again. she's not playing this time - she uses the term "break up" instead of "dump" and Lucas has accepted that it's over.

depression makes it hard for Max to connect with him, but the way she treated him in 3 has likely also eaten away at his insistence on prioritizing her. if you push someone away over and over you can't be too surprised if they stay further away each time.

so Max withdraws socially and Lucas apparently doesn't go to his usual lengths to pursue her.

he's still making effort though! the "stalking" comment makes it clear he's been trying to approach her. we know he's been inviting her to his basketball games. him already knowing her favorite song as of 4x4 is more evidence of him taking an interest in her between seasons.

he clearly still cares a lot about Max, but good for him for pursuing his own hobbies and friendships as well.

season 4

Lucas finally asks Max to do something to support him for once (come to his game), but she shuts it down hard.

we know Max still cares about him, but that's just it - WE know. he doesn't. to his face, it's bristling rejection even while he literally begs for the chance to support her.

saving Max's life is a group effort, but Lucas knowing her favorite song is the key that saves her life, and it's only after that that she's friendly towards him again.

the only time I can recall Max expressing any concern for Lucas's wellbeing is when she asks if he's okay in 4x6 - and he only gets a few sentences to process Patrick's death before it's time for him to turn it into an apology to her. sigh.

Lucas is the only one of Max's friends to voice any objection to her suicide mission of a Vecna plan, and pitches for them to gamble a stranger's life instead. he once again risks his life to hang out in the Creel house with Max, personally taking on the huge responsibility of making sure she doesn't die.

Vol 2 Max finally shows Lucas some long-awaited appreciation ("you might have been there" and "I'm glad you're here") which is very nice to see.

I'm conflicted about the movie invite scene, but we'll talk about that later. textually: he asks her out, she accepts, it's totes adorbs.

unfortunately, Max being tranced out by the time Jason walks in means it's time for Lucas once again to get attacked by an older, stronger guy who's wrongly convinced he's a danger to her. (again not her fault, but kinda because of her)

everything goes sideways, Max gets Vecna'd, and Lucas holds her while she dies. we end on a bruised Lucas sitting loyally at Max's bedside, reading to her just in case she can hear it inside her coma.

Lucas hasn't been perfect but he has spent yet another season physically protecting and emotionally supporting Max at great personal expense, and with little appreciation and no support in return.

. . .

the movie doodle didn't fix lumax

Max has had an epiphany, but a change of behavior has scarcely begun. being nice isn't the same as making amends. they've resolved zero of the old issues, plus 4 (even if the plan had worked) has heaped a ton of new shit on both of them.

she's still a grieving, neglected, depressed and passively suicidal child of a triply-broken home. dating doesn't fix that. they already broke up once under the same conditions.

plus Max has new catastrophic emotional traumas, some of which which explicitly exacerbate those very issues. she has catastrophic injuries and disability to cope with (and this is a girl who withdraws under stress normally). with a shred of realism, she's waking up in less a mood for dating than ever.

Lucas has also taken on new traumas, between the basketball team stuff, getting beaten up and almost shot/strangled, and watching Max get Vecna'd and die. he already has a history of guilt about not being there for her enough, so he's going to have a lot more about failing her in that moment (definitely not his fault but he'll still feel bad) and will likely be even more focused on her.

to me, this all sounds like a recipe for the same old dynamic except worse than ever. if they get sleeping beauty'd directly back into lumax, it'll be a disservice to both characters.

. . .

now let's talk about why Max treats Lucas the way she does 🔬

she's not a conniving bitch, she's just a scared kid from a toxic home. that doesn't excuse her behavior but it does make it understandable.

Max CAN be a great friend. she's just not to Lucas.

Max absolutely showers El with the good qualities she'll barely show Lucas. in fact I could loosely say Max is to El what Lucas is to Max.

Max is suspicious and disparaging towards Lucas, even while trusting that he can be counted upon to grovel. meanwhile El never apologizes for intentionally hurting Max both physically and emotionally, yet the moment El acknowledges her (only because she wants help), Max is instantly forgiving, kind, gentle, caring, generous and supportive towards her.

she throws her loyalty behind a friend of 1 afternoon over her boyfriend of a year who's been the only person in Hawkins to show her any true kindness and emotional connection.

if Max was half the friend to Lucas that she is to El, she'd be a decent girlfriend. why isn't she?

we can name a few reasons why Max IS so nice to El, but why she ISN'T to Lucas is a separate question. kindness isn't zero-sum.

she told us why. boyfriends lie.

and it's ANY boyfriend, not just hers. Nana's sick? more like Mike's a lying piece of shit! Suzie from camp? fake! Dustin's obviously lying! the only one of the boys Max has never accused of lying is Will - the only one who's been single the whole time.

just. the state of being a boyfriend (or even just liking a girl is close enough), makes any boy automatically a liar.

Max believes "friend" and "boyfriend" are mutually exclusive

"Friends don't lie!" "Yeah, well, boyfriends lie all the time." <- it's all right there.

back in 2 when Lucas was her friend, she was more open and trusting. she gave him the benefit of the doubt that monsters were real and he knew a girl with magic powers. starting to date flipped the switch, and now she doesn't trust him about mundane stuff.

now they're not friends, they're boyfriend/girlfriend, and she expects to be treated in a whole different way, including all the baggage that comes with romantic relationships in her mind.

what baggage?

Max's childhood is full of examples of awful, manipulative men and abusive, broken relationships.

her dad: I'd only be speculating about why her parents' marriage failed, but in 2 Max misses California because her dad is still there, then by 4 acts like it's doubtful he can even be tracked down for delivery of what's basically her suicide letter. it's clear she desired a relationship with her dad but was abandoned. Neil: abusive asshole who rules the household with an iron fist. I'd be shocked if he hasn't abused Susan, and see little reason he wouldn't do it in front of Max (after all, we see him verbally and physically abuse his first wife in front of his son, in a bad fight over suspected lies/infidelity). in his grief over Billy, Neil and Susan have "bad fights" and he leaves the family. he's not missed, but it's still a second abandonment by a father figure. Billy: Max's peer example of guys in relationships: a sleazy, two-faced asshole who treats girls like trash and completely changes his persona to manipulate them for sex or whatever else he wants (Max appears to be all too aware of his sex life and is disgusted). abandonment issues with him too: a good relationship with a big brother would've meant the world to her, but he rejected and probably abused her for years; her letter at his grave reads "ever since you left" - same word she used for Neil.

Max desperately hopes Lucas is an exception to the rule, but these are the behaviors she would naturally fear from any guy she dates.

Max is especially terrified of being abandoned (and that she deserves it)

to be abandoned over and over can naturally leave a kid wondering if it's their fault, if this is the treatment they deserve.

Lucas is overall quite honest, and there's not an abusive bone in his body. the most realistic one of Max's fears to apply to him is that someday he'll leave her, too.

and that's the worst fear Vecna chooses to voice in Lucas's form: realizing he's been wrong about her, that she's fundamentally bad and he's glad she's going to be killed. a gutting abandonment from the guy she most wants to trust.

Vecna-Susan also tells Max that she deserves what's going to happen to her, that she's "broken everything" and that her letters can't make things right. because he's in full Vecna mode when he says it, I just took those as very general condemnations at first. but they hurt even worse when I remember they're still coming from "Susan" - revealing that Max feels she has broken her family.

she wanted Billy to die, and she figures Neil left because Billy died, so that's two of the abandonments being "her fault". if that's true, Max would also feel responsible for destroying her mom's life - having cost her her marriage, home, and financial security.

in her addictions Susans has, in an emotional sense, abandoned Max just like all her other family members - and Max fears she deserves it. how desperate she was for this hug... :(

anyway, back to lumax: let's reexamine those s3 dumpings

what exactly did Lucas even do? we never find out.

on first watch, I took "boyfriends lie" at face value and assumed Lucas got caught fibbing. but that doesn't fit so well.

he's maybe the party member most invested in "friends don't lie". honesty to his friends is a pillar of his character. again, he caused friction in 2 because he so strongly prioritized honesty to Max. to assume based on one line from an unreliable narrator that he randomly became a huge liar over the summer is unfair.

via their counseling of Mike and El, Lucas and Max tell us what's been going on with lumax

Max tells El:

He'll come crawling back to you in no time, begging for forgiveness. I guarantee him and Lucas are totally wallowing in self-pity and misery right now like "ohh, I hope they take us back!"

I think we all clocked that one: Max thinks that because El followed her technique, Mike will come crawling back - because Lucas has come crawling back to her several times now.

but I haven't seen much discussion about how the spying scene (which "he'll come crawling back" is paired with) shows Lucas assuring Mike that he's been dumped for an unfair and illogical reason because that's what Max has done to him several times now.

M: I just don't understand what I did to deserve this. L: Nothing. Nothing. That's my whole point. You are the victim here. Stop asking rational questions. M: I know, I know, you're right. Because women act on emotion and not logic. L: Precisely. It's a totally different species.

Max is pissed. but has she been irrational, acting on emotion and not logic, and dumping him for no apparent reason all summer? signs point to yes.

and I understand Lucas saying this. it's not pure misogyny out of nowhere; he's been told that his mother expects gifts and apologies even when wrong, Max acts that way too, and now so apparently does El. all of his examples concur that this is just how women in relationships are. (Charles Sinclair how many relationships will your advice destroy lmao)

both Max and Lucas are bringing preconceptions from home.

Max acts this way on purpose

I don't think she's dumped him over truly nothing (although that's how it looks to him). I'm thinking she blows real, minor missteps out of proportion.

any time Lucas does something slightly insensitive, it looks like the first red flag to her, and instead of communicating in a constructive way, she just throws up this "boys aint shit" force field and dumps him. of course she doesn't truly want to be rid of him, she's just sorta snapping the leash.

I think Max knows what she's doing. I think she wants to keep Lucas always on his back foot, because the relationship isn't as scary if she feels like she holds all the power.

she's always trying to cover up fear/sorrow with anger, because anger gives an illusion of control. and she's been conscious of that anger, and the fact that it's unfair to Lucas, since the beginning - that's what she apologized for on the bus. "I guess I'm angry too, and I'm sorry."

she was mature enough at 13 to see the error in her behavior, but still not mature enough by 15 to fix it. every season has just been a slightly different flavor of "leave before you get left".

so, that's my take on Max's relationship behavior. but again, explanations aren't excuses. Lucas deserves to be treated well, and that's not happening.

what needs to happen?

simply maturing more will help them both a lot. being 15 is a terrible condition in of itself.

I don't see Lucas dumping Max's ass, but she should take her own advice before the relationship continues: explain herself and fix the garbage parts of her behavior.

before Max can be the girlfriend Lucas deserves, she needs a substantial period of physical and emotional healing.

she needs renewed connections with her friends and family, and a lot of general growth in the area of communication and processing her feelings.

in regards to Lucas, she needs to work on her trust issues, and learn to extend him the treatment warranted by his behavior, not the behavior she fears from others. she needs to learn that "friend" and "girlfriend" aren't mutually exclusive, that real friendship is the key to their relationship, and is a two-way street.

any Billy racism/assault acknowledgement would be better years late than never, especially if grieving Billy continues to be a focus in front of Lucas.

Lucas could also use a little work

the relentless positivity doesn't serve Max well. often it turns out to be empty reassurances which make her feel let down (so, a soft version of the lies she fears). she let him know in 4x4 that this hurts her, but he kept doing it for the rest of the season.

but the big one is that "happy wife happy life" doesn't serve him well, and rewarding unfair treatment perpetuates the problem. yes, the ability to compromise, swallow pride, and be the bigger person are healthy parts of a relationship, as well as the willingness to extend grace to your partner/friend when they're struggling. but it always being on one designated person is a recipe for dissatisfaction and resentment.

Lucas should voice to Max that he, too, has struggles and needs support. I'd like to see him pursue outside interests unapologetically.

no, this isn't an exhaustive list, and I don't expect to see everything fixed at once, or explicitly processed onscreen. but I sure hope we get some evidence of change, and that this has all been part of an arc.

for instance, I'd love for the final lumax reconciliation to be Max asking Lucas to take her back.

I kind of hope not to see them officially together until the very end. in fact I'd so much rather see ST end on a good Max / Lucas friendship with an implied romantic future than jump back to the status quo.

l don't want to see lumax until it's a new lumax, based on real, reciprocal friendship.

[alpaca-clouds]

Wait! So, nobody knows there are Pirates of the Caribbean books?

So, a week ago I learned that... really nobody bloody knows about those books? Really?

I knew that Disney really had not done their part in advertising those books, only to then be very surprised to learn that the books did not sell. Like, duh, Disney, in a pre-tiktok world, you cannot just assume that people will find out about those books you publish, if you do not tell anyone about it. Unbelievable, isn't it?

But yeah, indeed. There are a couple of pirates of the Caribbean books. Now mind you, most of those books - or rather: all but one - are "young reader" books, so they are not particularly challenging in terms of language, or story. They have been released under Disney Press and mostly have been marketed through Scholastic back in the day. (As such, it will not surprise you to learn: None of these books ever was translated into any non-English language.)

Only one book I would actually call GOOD. The one that was not targeted at kids. However, I will say: I had fun with all of the books back in the day. They were fun books, that often did immitate the voice of the characters rather well, and gave some nice interesting background to the universe as a whole. So... Let me talk about the books a bit.

The Jack Sparrow Series

The Jack Sparrow series is the longest series among the Pirates of the Caribbean books, that basically go into Jack's life as a teenager. Long story short: Growing up as Teague's son, he kinda rebels against his father a lot. Thus, he runs away as a young teen and finds his own pirate crew. Most notably among them of course a certain Bootstraps Bill.

There are a couple of other characters in this. We see for example the young Annamaria, and some other background characters from the movie as crewmates. We also see his first meeting with both Norrington and Gibbs in those books.

Additionally these books (again, this is a fairly long series) go a lot furhter into the Nahua gods and how they cursed Cortez, as Cortez's ghost is a recurring villain in those books. And yes, this quite clearly says: Jack knew the gold was cursed. He knew from the beginning, but it is one of those common themes: Nobody ever listens to good old Jack.

It should be noted: These are books for fairly young readers. Meaning: The prose is fairly simple as it is aimed at a very young reading level. Meaning, too, that the books are fairly short. For the books of this series I usually needed about two to three hours per book to read it from beginning to end. I would guess most of these books are about 30-40k in length.

Now, compared to the other books, these apparently did not sell that bad. I would argue that this mainly is because even if the kids who found those books at Scholastic did not need to be very invested in the franchise to read those books. They were fairly nice child friendly Pirate adventures.

The books are named:

The Coming Storm

The Siren Song

The Pirates Chase

The Sword of Cortez

The Age of Bronze

Silver

City of Gold

The Timekeeper

Dance of the Hours

Sins of the Father

Poseidon's Peak

Bold New Horizons

The Tale of Billy Turner and other Stories (anthology of the side characters of the series and what they do after the end of the series.)

Now, the books are technically out of print by now. Though I think these are fairly available in libraries still - and go for fair prizes on used book portals. So these are probably the easiest books from this list to get.

The Price of Freedom

Now, chronologically the next books that came out for Pirates of the Caribbean, is also the one actual adult novel. The Price of Freedom. If you wonder where you know the name of the author from: A.C. Crispin is fairly known for her writing of extended universe material. Most notably she has written the Spock series for Star Trek and the Han Solo trilogy for the Star Wars books, though I guess those are among the "Legends" now.

This is actually written as a proper novel - and a long novel at this. The book has more than 600 pages.

This story starts out with Jack Sparrow having joined the EITC. Having worked for them for a couple of years now, he is by now the First Mate on the ship The Wicked Wench. When the ship gets attacked by pirates, the current Captain suffers a heart attack and dies, making Jack finish the trading route on his own. Eventually he makes port in Africa, where the current overseer of the EITC hears of this: Cuttler Beckett. He invites Jack to his mansion, realizing the two of them have much in common. Most notably, they both believe in the magical things out at sea - and that there is indeed a magical island somewhere out there.

Now, Cuttler Beckett has two slaves working on his estate, that he suspects of stemming from that island, and he has a plan: If Jack saved those slaves, they might be willing to tell Jack about that magical place - and if Beckett then is able to find the island, he could not only proof his family, that he is not insane, but also gain the Lord title, he has been trying to get for so many years.

As I said: This book is actually really good. Like, sure, some things in it have not aged perfectly, I generally have to say it still aged fairly well. Most notably for a book that came out in 2011 is that the main relationship in this book is a polyamorous relationship between Jack and two non-white women.

(It should be noted: It is fairly clear in the books that Jack is mixed race and at the very least quarter-Black. Think of that what you will. This is not really white-washing of a character, given that indeed the authors of the screenplay wrote him as white - but books then gave his mother African ancestry.)

Sadly, nobody fucking knows that this book exists, because Disney has not marketed this back when it came out AT ALL. This book's release was so underadvertized (even though it released basically at the same time as the 4th movie), that several book logistics companies had not stocked this at all. So, obviously this book did not sell at all, and never got a second print, making it expensive as fuck. However, you can borrow it in several libraries still.

Due to the bad sales and the fact that Crispin was diagnosed with cancer not long after the book came out and died of it, we sadly never got a sequel to this book, which means that we also do not know how the story of certain characters end.

The Legends of the Breathren Court

Rob Kidd, who wrote the young Jack Sparrow books, was also hired to write another series of books that were once more aimed at young readers.

The plot is basically like this: Jack had gotten himself a curse - which is bad. But there are even worse news: He needs the help of the other pirate lords to safe himself. The only good news: He has the Pearl now, the fastest ship in the Caribbean, thanks due some minor magical upgrades. But it is not going to be easy to convince the other pirate lords to help him.

Now, I should say: This series sold by far the worst. I would argue the main issue is, that these are kids books, but take place when Jack is in his 30s. While the Jack Sparrow books could be easily understood by kids, who had nearly no idea about the plot of the movies, you do need to understand the movies for this series rather well. So yeah. The book series was cancelled halfway through, though Robb Kidd did those fans of the series a solid, by convincing Disney to allow him to at least provide the last few books as epubs on his website. :)

Still, the series was cut down due to the cancellation. So the ending is a bit... chaotic.

The series is made up of the following books:

The Caribbean

Rising in the East

The Turning Tide

Wild Waters

Day of the Shadow

These books are usually available easily online. Not to buy, but, you know... Through other means.

Some thoughts in the end

I am honestly kinda sad, that the entire thing with those books never went anywhere. Disney did want at some point to get an extended Universe going for Pirates of the Caribbean, with more lore and everything. Back in the day there was also a game in development, that was supposed to be a AAA single player experience - but basically they cancelled it pretty much last minute. :/ And it is kinda sad.

I do think that this franchise could have been very interesting - if Disney did not rely too much on Jack Sparrow as a character. Now outside of Depp being a misogynist pig who needs, but refuses therapy, I do think that generally speaking the franchise would have been stronger, if they did not construct everything around this one character. Because fun fact: We do not have a whole lot of seafaring fantasy stuff out there and the worldbuilding in those books is really super interesting.

Some part of me wants to write a sequel to Price of Freedom - but I doubt that anyone is ever gonna read that, based that nobody knows the book xD

[starguardianniom]

Hugo and Vivian

So I finished the bangboo event yesterday for the main story and completed all the quests today, so now it's time to talk about what was the most interesting to me about it.

It was Hugo and Vivian.

They finally showed up!

Hugo's bangboo is named Robin, and he also speaks the human language instead of speaking bangboo as well!

That's nice to know. Makes me laugh that Hugo has a bangboo named Robin, since he's part of a band of thieves, reminds me of Robin Hood, pretty sure it's intentional.

Also why do I call Vivian, Vivian? Because it seems to be her name if said name is written all over her parasol. I'm not even kidding.

Welcome Vivian, that's the fanciest parasol I've seen in a while. Really pretty.

Hugo is apparently a collector. Though he seems to prefer objects of historical and sentimental value more than actual perceived value in money.

I wonder what's the reason behind it, but still, cool.

Also Vivian seems to be hoping for Phaethon to show up or something?

My poor girl is given the title "Strange Young Lady", she's not strange she's adorable, a real little gothic doll. <3 Well, she is slightly taller than Belle but that's probably her shoes giving her an extra inch more than anything else.

Still, she's so precious. I love her your honor. I also see she has some streaks of white/silver in her hair, nice.

I must wonder what she and Hugo have for relationship, are they just friends, business partners, teammates only, like brother and sister or father and daughter like, or boss and employee, master and servant??? I just cannot see them as being a romantic couple.

But also apparently Hugo is the first person in the story to actually pull one on Lycaon, being able to steal what he wanted before Lycaon could intervene, pretty cool. Sending a letter to tell them about the future thieft, only to steal it before the finale, that was awesome. We probably helped with that by accident but still I find it funny that Lycaon didn't think about it before that it could be stolen before the winner was even decided. But he doesn't seem to surprised by it but still. Good one from Hugo.

Hugo is a thief but he also still seems nice and not a bad person, according to Astra.

I guess we'll see in a future patch and hopefully after the Obol Squad and Pulchra's events.

I am skipping everyone else just to get Hugo and Vivian, so no Ellen, no Evelyn, no Qingyi, no Anby, no Trigger and no Pulchra, just Hugo and Vivian. I need those 2 badly. If Pulchra is A rank, I will probably be able to get her on the normal channel. But I need to stay strong for Hugo and Vivian, these 2 alone can keep me going for a while.

Also I'm gonna change my avatar for Vivian's picture in 2 minutes. ^^ I just really love her so very much. <3

Hugo can finally complete my holy trinity of himself, Harumasa and Billy, my 3 favorite characters in the game. Seth and Miyabi both tie for second place. Vivian might join my holy trinity to make it a quartet. XD

[kommandonuovidiavoli]

ok first of All, thank u so much for answering my KND mourning Au question. Loved the art ! 😍 I’m sorry if I’m bothering u. There’s an AU Idea that JUST struck me like a lightning bolt ⚡️. What if Irwin,Sydney,Lou,Charlie & Ray became the DCFDTL in 1984 instead of Sector Z? How much would change? Like Sector V since Wally canonically can’t exist in that universe. Would Sector Z become members of the Adult division? Who would marry who? Would their kids become members of Sector V? Would any of the C.A.K.E episodes change. Would they find away for the 5 to come back permanently?

You don’t have 2 if you don’t wanna, I just think it’s a neat idea 4 an AU 👐🏻Anyways have a good day! 😃

Here's a little visualization of them... spoopy. As for the rest, let's go for a rant under read more.

Being that Sector Z was the best of the best, I'm more than sure that all of them got promoted to the Adult Division, and now have jobs that allow them to keep an eye on the other kids.

Specifically, they might take the roles other characters have, such as:

Alessandra is the elementary school teacher. No were-dog shenanigans, unfortunately, but everyone likes her because she's very energetic and creative; she makes sure the is school safe and fair for them. She had that mishap with Grandma Stuffum but welp... it can happen;

Lenny is one of Mr Boss' workers, taking Sydney's role. He's the one who will solve the "take your daughter to work" situation and help Kuki get everyone back;

Constance will be one of the moms... even if no one has ever seen her kids. But this way, she's allowed into other moms' spaces, and makes sure Sector V is doing their job by casually visiting the kid's moms;

David works more secretly: he's never seen around unless things get really bad. He's Vicky's second;

And then... Bruce... my boy... I am so sorry... you're the new Toiletnator BUT DON'T WORRY! You'll have a slightly different costume and approach to the character! You will crack jokes every second and make everyone laugh as you want! The best jokes are for complete distraction! You'll do great!

(obligatory pic otherwise someone is gonna kill me @numbuhinfinitys )

As for how they got there instead of Sector Z:

As I said, Sector Z will disappear in 1984. Their Soopreme Leader Numbuh 420 told them that there was some strange activity in a house down the lane in a city in Virginia, and asked them to go investigate.

Being that, at that point, Sector Z and Sector Ʌ were friends, David was the one suggesting that Sector Ʌ investigate instead, so they can show not only Numbuh 420 but THE WHOLE ORGANIZATION that they could do as good as any other sector.

Billie was a bit unsure but accepted the challenge, and the Australian group headed to this mysterious mansion.

There was a furious fight that involved lasers and gorillas and after that, Sector Ʌ disappeared.

Sector Z felt guilty and after some months of nothing, they took matters into their own hands and went to that mansion to see what was going on, only to be met by a young Father and his Delightful Children, who looked too much like their lost friends.

Since then, they swore they would find a way to bring them back, but also keep the other kids safe from them (spoiler: they took it too easy but realised how dangerous they could really be when they made Nigel bald).

INTERESTING THINGS THAT CAN CHANGE:

In Z.E.R.O. two things can happen: Sector Z comes out to help Monty fight Grandfather / Sector Ʌ is undelightfulizied and fights alongside Nigel;

Monty isn't the one that turns Sector Ʌ back to normal; it's actually David who gets the honour, and the two Sectors have a little sweet moment where they recognise each other and are told what they need to do;

Lou and Syd always hold hands, but you cannot see it because Charlie is in front of them;

Since the delightfulization works with kids who are not previously well educated, I think Irwin might sometimes snap out of it; he's had a very strict education that overlaps with the delightfulization. As we know, two negatives make a positive.

Sector V misses a Numbuh 4. In each "episode" there is a new kid filling that spot, and every time they quit because that Sector is "too much".

Around the second season, sometimes they get help from a kid with blonde, wavy hair and green eyes, and he's the one they eventually give the codename "Numbuh 4", even if it's not official. He earns their trust completely.

Yes, Irwin is Numbuh 4 and a Delightful Child, but there's no risk of backstabbing: when he's Numbuh 4, he doesn't remember anything about his Delightful status, and when he's a Delightful Children, he doesn't remember about his Numbuh 4 status;

When he's Numbuh 4, Irwin doesn't remember his real name. When he was asked what it was, Hoagie remarked how it sounded like he was from Australia > Australia has a marsupial that sounds like a name > "My name is Wallabee. Wally for short."

It's gonna be fun and sad when it comes out, but also, it will give Sector Z a new hope to bring all of them back;

Needless to say, the end of INTERVIEWS is NOT canon here. Maybe the one in the previous bullet point is the end of the Delightfuls: a hope for the future;

And since I first talked about Z.E.R.O.: Numbuh 4 is strangely absent, saying he was going to tackle the zombie invasion from another point and then disappearing. He reappears at the very end in from the wreckage of the treehouse;

Numbuh 442, Irwin, and Numbuh 4 all have different looks as seen below;

It's a kind of "Superman/Clark Kent" situation. Abby is slowly connecting the dots.

Goes without saying but HE AND KUKI WILL HAVE NO ROMANCE. Irwin is not interested in love, and even if Kuki might have a crush, he will politely reject her and ask to be friends;

To the answer "do the other know about Irwin's double identity?" I reply: no. They don't. They DO notice when he's not around (of course), but when he's Numbuh 4 the hivemind doesn't work anymore;

Back to the group: as Delightful Children, they don't have the Australian accent, and talk in plain English;

They have normal CAKED episodes, but of course, Numbuh 4 is absent in all of them;

And... that's it, nothing else comes to mind.

THANKS, NOW I HAVE ANOTHER AU TO ADD TO THE LIST SIGH.

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 1 part 3

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

so babe, hear me out. we could adopt him. just spitballing here (agatha, probably)

bwahhaha fantasy!billy and his death stare, meanwhile real billy is such a polite baby

if you look closely you can tell Joe Locke is fighting for his life holding down laughter in a lot of his scenes with Katrhyn. he has nerves of steel, couldn't be me

(also, billy telling her she has neither the respect of her peers NOR a fulfilling home life? harsh, but fair.) (at least her wife is trying to fix the home life part)

honey, don't go around kicking grumpy little twinks now! perfectly in character. despite her chaotic exterior, rio is a very lawful person. she is literally the laws of nature!

the Ballad plays faintly in the background when Billy mentions the Road

I love when good actors have to pretend to be bad actors. and I also find it interesting that Agatha cast herself as a good guy. does it make her feel better? is she telling herself that all the atrocities were justified, that it was only survival instinct? (like rio said, she's only lying to herself)

I had to look up the painting, it's Macbeth meeting the three witches (thank you Reddit!) So Macbeth (Agatha) and Banquo (Billy) meeting Lilia, Jen and Alice?

how did I miss Billy sitting on the chair Rio was just on?! amazing lens choices here too

Wanda's death makes her cry again. I honestly, honestly believe she feels awful about what she did to her. but guilt will never be enough to redeem her - especially because she tends to run away from it.

Wanda's magic was so strong that it took at least four things to undo the spell: Wanda dying, Rio's intervention, Billy's counterspell, and Agatha's willpower. It was a group effort, Agatha could have never done it alone. And despite her scorched earth tactics, there are still two people in her life, rio and billy, willing to help out in her hour of need

it's naughty tiiiime

I still really love the curls

can I say iconique?

it's like someone's about to die at the end of this

bwahahahahaah and oh my GAWD all the case files and boxes, where did she GET that stuff, did she rob a precinct, did she make them with the power of arts and crafts

you know what I think? being naked here is a power move. she is being very over the top because she's really uncomfortable, she just woke up and she's in those moments when you stop dreaming and have to relearn what's real and what isn't. she is someone used to calculate and scheme and micromanage every aspect of her life and she is not in control right now. what does Agatha do to reclaim control? she puts on a show. to her, being under the spell was way more like being naked, her insecurities and emotions and past were out in the open for everyone to see. being physically naked could never be nearly as distressing, and this is a nakedness she chose, because it tells people nothing about herself, nothing of what she wants to keep secret and protected. she's got the upper hand, not the other way round

you are all cowards and sheep for not saying Wanda's name, says the lady who would rather hide under a dozen magic layers than face her problems

that is so nice that they brought her groceries actually??? and lol those are the flowers in Agatha's crime scene pictures

that little girl is having a great time

FUCK CLOTHES BUT FUCK THESE CLOTHES SPECIFICALLY!!!!

(wait am I allowed to post butt cheeks? what are the rules right now?)

she turns quiet and emo as soon as she's alone

why doesn't she just - kiss the wiwwle bunny. bury her nose in that big fluffly head. even villains need a cuddle sometimes.

sure, bring señor scratchy. so menacing. that'll show them.

poor boy. trapped in a closet with ralph's bluray collection

aaand I really want to get to the next scene so I'll start on it right away, hopefully it'll be ready later tonight

go to part 4

[daresplaining]

do you think matt murdock finds catharsis in violence? in the context of comics btwi'm of the opinion that he isnt a sadist and doesnt necessarily enjoy violence but i also cant think of any comic pages that would support my interpretation, was wondering if u could help w that?

I certainly think he does, at times. One thing that tends to happen when Matt reaches his lowest points, generally in darker runs (I'm about to post a whole bunch of Brubaker/Lark...), is that he will lash out physically. The Daredevil identity serves as an escape for him in a variety of ways: it frees him, it empowers him, and when his mental health is suffering, yes, it gives him an excuse to hit people. He doesn't always give in to that urge, of course, but it is there. This internal rant he goes on during a moment of frustration in Bendis's run comes immediately to mind:

"There is this overwhelming desire I’m filled with to punch someone in the face!!! Anyone will do at this point. But I know that isn’t right. And it certainly isn’t what my sensei taught me, but I can’t help it. I want to punch someone really, really badly." 

Grief can make Matt impulsive and careless. He starts a bar fight while in civvies immediately following Milla's hospitalization.

Dakota: "This is just what we need...a blind man who half the city knows is really Daredevil...getting in a bar fight. I manage to extricate him without too much injury...and get us out of there before anyone takes his picture. He tells me with his special senses he overheard those two guys planning a robbery. So he decided to scare them out of it. After hearing that, I know Matt's judgment is impaired. And not just because of a few drinks." Daredevil vol. 2 #106 by Ed Brubaker, Paul Azaceta, Matt Hollingsworth, and Chris Eliopoulos

In the very next issue, he loses his temper and punches Luke Cage (and hurts his hand, because he's Luke Cage).

Daredevil vol. 2 #107 by Ed Brubaker, Greg Rucka, Michael Lark, Stefano Gaudiano, Matt Hollingsworth, and Chris Eliopoulos

In "The Devil in Cell Block D", Matt becomes so violent in prison following Foggy's apparent death that Frank Castle decides he needs to swoop in and rescue him from doing something he might regret. Here's Ben Urich in court after Matt has been denied special protection in prison, noticing the same thing (like the Dakota scene above, it's neat to see this side of Matt from the perspective of outside observers):

Ben: "As they're carting him away, though, I see something that chills me to the bone. Matt smiles. Just a little. Just enough so that I know my worst fears have come to pass...that they're sending him exactly where he WANTS to be..." Daredevil vol. 2 #83 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, Stefano Gaudiano, Frank D'Armata, and Cory Petit

(As I said: lots of Brubaker/Lark.) Nocenti, too, was deeply interested in exploring the violence inherent in superhero stories, and approached Matt's relationship to it in a variety of ways in her run, including in this memorable scene where he shares some of his darkest urges:

Daredevil vol. 1 #267 by Ann Nocenti, John Romita Jr., Gregory Wright, Al Williamson, and Joe Rosen

And heck, we can also look at Matt's various murder attempts: his near-murder of Bullseye following Elektra's death, and then actual murder of Bullseye that kicked off the "Shadowland" story arc:

Shadowland #1 by Andy Diggle, Billy Tan, Christina Strain, Joe Caramagna, et al.

And of course, his various attempts to kill the Kingpin, most recently following Mike's death in Devil's Reign:

Devil's Reign #6 by Chip Zdarsky, Marco Checchetto, Marcio Menyz, and Clayton Cowles

On the subject of Mike: I would argue (and did, at length, in this post) that Matt's dream of his brother shooting Bullseye in the "Death of Daredevil" story arc was its own form of violent catharsis.

A key early issue that delved into this side of Matt's character for what I'd say was the first time is Daredevil volume 1 #140, written by Bill Mantlo. In this issue, what begins as a seemingly standard fight between Matt, Gladiator, and the Beetle becomes a violent, brutal beatdown as civilian lives are put on the line and Matt becomes increasingly angry.

Daredevil vol. 1 #140 by Bill Mantlo, Sal Buscema, Klaus Janson, and Karen Mantlo

I don't like to overemphasize this aspect of Matt's character-- not because I don't find it interesting (I do!) but because a lot of modern takes on Daredevil (notably, the live action adaptations) have leaned into this idea of him as a violent, brooding, bone-breaking bruiser, which is an oversimplification and also plainly not true about a lot of his stories. However, this is a side of Matt that does undeniably exist. He gets unpleasant when his life falls apart, and this can be a part of that deterioration.

I will also say that it's not just Matt. Here is my dear friend Danny Rand, who (at least in his modern comics) is waaay more well-adjusted and emotionally controlled than Matt, succumbing to this very same urge:

Power Man and Iron Fist vol. 2 #4 by Fred Van Lente, Wellinton Alves, Bruno Hang, Nelson Pereira, and Joe Caramagna

(He goes and beats up some white supremacists, as you do.)

All I'm saying is that it happens to the best of them.

[dippindaz]

Aaah you did my request :D it was so good aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa so in character and wonderful and cute <333 i am mentally printing it out and hanging it on my fridge. Also Billy not knowing how to deal with people looking after him?? Please, my heart 😭😭😭

If you're still looking for requests, I'd love to see Billy, Eddie, and Steve (and maybe Robin if that's not too many 👉👈) teaching a reader one of their hobbies (d&d, basketball, etc.) Tbh i don't think Robin HAS any canonical hobbies so I'm excited to see what you hc she does in her free time

Oh my gosh the praise is too much!!! 🥹 Thank you so much and I’m so happy you liked it!! ^_^ I did all four characters :)

I love this idea as well!!!! I’m sorry this took so long to get out, I got stumped on some theseee

Eddie Munson — Teaching You D&D

• Eddie is beyond excited when you show interest in Dungeons & Dragons. He acts nonchalant at first, but the second you actually agree to play, he’s pulling out his DM’s guide and grinning like a madman.

• He insists on making your character with you, talking you through all the races and classes in the most dramatic fashion. “Do you want to be a noble warrior, sworn to protect the innocent? Or a cunning rogue who trusts no one but themselves?”

• When you get overwhelmed by all the stats and dice, he reassures you with a pat on the head. “Don’t worry, my little apprentice, you’ll get the hang of it soon.” (In the voice you’d imagine an old mentor having.)

• During your first session, he gives you just enough guidance to keep you engaged but lets you struggle a little for fun. “Roll for deception. No, you can’t just lie your way out without rolling—welcome to the cruel reality of dice, sweetheart.”

• If you roll a natural 20, he makes a HUGE deal out of it, narrating the most ridiculous and over-the-top outcome possible. “You don’t just convince the guard—you have them questioning their entire career choice.”

• If you roll a natural 1, expect him to cackle and make your failure as hilariously painful as possible. “Oh no, you trip on your own shoelace and insult the king’s mother. Good luck with that.”

• He definitely starts calling you his favorite party member, even if you’re terrible at the game.

Billy Hargrove — Teaching You Basketball

• At first, Billy thinks it’s hilarious that you even want to learn basketball. He teases you constantly. “Think you can keep up with me, sweetheart?”

• He’s surprisingly patient when teaching you the basics, though. He stands behind you, guiding your arms when you shoot, and smirks when you get flustered. “You’ll never get it if you’re too tense. Relax.”

• If you miss a shot, he doesn’t let you live it down. If you make one? He acts like it was pure luck. “Alright, rookie, don’t get cocky now.”

• The first time you manage to get past him and score during a one-on-one game, he pauses. Stares. Then smirks. “Okay, okay, I see you.”

• Absolutely shows off while playing against you—spinning the ball on his finger, dribbling between his legs, pulling no-look shots—just to be extra.

• If he ever catches you getting frustrated, he actually encourages you. “You think I got this good overnight? Hell no. Keep going.”

• When you’re sweaty and out of breath, he rests his hands on his hips and smirks. “Guess I gotta go easy on you next time, huh?”

• If you really impress him, he’ll jokingly challenge you to a real game. “Loser buys dinner. Better start saving up, babe.”

Robin Buckley — Teaching You French

• Robin insists that French is the coolest language and that knowing it makes you at least 20% more attractive. “Trust me, nothing sounds hotter than a perfectly pronounced ‘je ne sais quoi.’”

• The first thing she teaches you? Not useful phrases like greetings or directions. No, she starts with the good stuff—insults and sassy comebacks. “Okay, repeat after me: ‘Va te faire voir.’ It means ‘get lost,’ but it sounds way classier in French.”

• She definitely teaches you how to swear in French and then makes you promise not to use it in front of teachers or authority figures. (“Actually, never mind, totally use it in front of Keith at work.”)

• Whenever you butcher a word or mispronounce something, she laughs but immediately reassures you. “Hey, you’re doing better than me when I first started. I sounded like a drunk tourist for the first month.”

• She randomly quizzes you at the worst times—like mid-conversation or while you’re eating. “Quick! How do you say ‘the cat is on the table’?” If you get it right, she cheers dramatically.

• If you really struggle with pronunciation, she gets unreasonably close and exaggerates how to shape your lips, totally unaware of how flustered it makes you.

• She casually drops French phrases into everyday conversations and refuses to translate them. “If you were paying attention, you’d know what I just said, mon cher.”

• Eventually, she teaches you something actually romantic, like how to say “Tu es magnifique” (you are magnificent), but she says it so casually that you’re not sure if she’s flirting or just being Robin.

• If you start getting too good, she pouts. “Damn, you might actually be better than me soon. I take it back, I’m never teaching you again.” (She’s totally lying.)

Steve Harrington — Teaching You Baseball

• When you agree to let him teach you baseball, he acts like it’s some super serious training session. “Alright, rookie, let’s see what we’re working with.”

• If you miss your first swing, he shakes his head dramatically. “Yikes. We got a lot of work to do.”

• He absolutely uses it as an excuse to stand behind you, adjusting your grip on the bat. “Loosen up a little. Here, let me—” and suddenly, his arms are around yours, and yeah, he knows what he’s doing.

• He definitely teases you if you get flustered. “Oh? Distracted? Can’t imagine why.” (The smirk he gives you is criminal.)

• When you finally hit the ball, he cheers obnoxiously. “Look at that! My little slugger’s getting good!” He even does a little celebratory fist pump.

• If you hit a really bad shot, he laughs but tries to make you feel better. “Okay, okay, that one sucked, but hey—at least you didn’t hit yourself in the face.”

• Eventually, it turns into competition. He steps up to the plate and crushes a ball just to show off. Then he looks at you with the smuggest grin. “Think you can top that, babe?”

• When you do manage to hit a better shot, he stares for a second before pretending to be unimpressed. “Eh. Not bad. Lucky swing.”

• If you lose the competition, Steve is supportive and careful not to make you feel bad. He reassures you that you just need more practice and you’re doing better than he was when he started. If you win… well let’s say Steve is conflicted between his ego and celebrating you. At first he might pout and be in disbelief but then he’d also be saying: “My baby’s a natural! You did so good!”

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Reasons why they should bring Seb back

Now that they’ve gone through the trouble of killing Rebecca off screen (hooray! It’s about time!), it seems only logical that they would do the right thing and bring Seb back, which means I have absolutely zero confidence in them doing so. But here’s my list of why they really really should, as I have been advocating for years now.

Section 1: It would break Aaron out of character growth jail. Since Robert went to prison, Aaron has lost so much. He’s lost a husband and a sister. He lost being a married man, owning his own home and owning his own business. And one of the most important growth things he lost was being a father. He’d already lost Seb and Ryan leaving wrecked the surrogacy story. So bringing Seb back would:

1. Allow Aaron to fulfill the dream he had of being a father and having a family. So many characters just get handed unwanted children but Aaron actually wanted to be a dad and so of course he lost out on that. Giving him Seb would allow him to realize that goal again.

2. Allow Aaron to grow up again. Since his return, he’s been angry, mean, adrift, committing petty crime again for no reason. Seb being back would give him purpose and a reason to clean up his act. It would allow him to get to be an adult again, something the character sorely needs.

3. Allow Aaron to have screen time and positive story. Aaron has been off screen a lot, so much so that all of his current relationship story development has taken place almost entirely off screen. Seb being back would give Aaron an actual story to play out, especially if there were difficulties in getting formal custody. It’s also a story that would have a happy outcome, once he gets custody, which is something the show could really use right now in the midst of all of the depressing terrible stories. And Aaron has always had such a miserable time on the show so I feel like people would root for something good to happen to him.

4. Allow Aaron to have new kinds of stories. Single Dad Aaron opens up so man new possibilities for him, being able to take on a parental role, having to think about Seb’s needs and not just his own.

5. Allow Aaron to have a full circle moment looking after a troubled kid the way Paddy looked after him.

6. Allow Aaron to interact with new characters. Single Dad Aaron would have more opportunity to interact with the other parents in the village. It might give him more reason to have a proper friendship with Billy for example aside from silly illegal boxing stories. It puts him into new circles, which can open him up for new possibilities.

Section 2: Seb gives Aaron a permanent tie to Robert. For whatever reason, the powers that be seem unwilling to let Aaron fully move on from Robert (that’s another whole post I want to write) but this would give them real reason for Robert to be a constant presence in Aaron’s life without it seeming weird or needing Ryan back. It allows him to never fully move on. The Seb/Robert connection:

1. Allows Aaron to keep Robert in his heart through Seb. He can bring him up with Seb, helping his son love his father and making sure he knows who he was/is.

2. Allows Aaron to maybe hear from Robert from time to time. Robert might have to consent to Aaron being the one to have custody of Seb and Robert wanting that, would be a nice signal to Aaron to that Robert still loves him and trusts him.

3. Allows Aaron to maybe finally deal with some of his Robert feelings in a more productive way, in a more positive way. And because he’s raising his kid, in a way that perhaps even his mother could understand and allow.

4. Allows Aaron to bring Robert up in any new relationship, not just because the show makes him accidentally sleep with Robert’s long lost gay half brother. He needs to consider Seb’s feelings in any new relationship and part of that can be whether Robert would approve of said new man in his son’s life.

5. Allows for an even more interesting return story should they ever actually coax Ryan Hawley back.

Section 3: Bringing Seb back can be a part of rebuilding the Sugdens. Obviously that was a line they used in reference to bringing John in and we’ve seen what a joke that has been. However, Seb:

1. Is the son of the ultimate Emmerdale Sugden legacy character, Robert. And he’s not retconned in the way John is. He’s someone people can watch grow up and continue the family legacy, especially if they go the full mile and give him his proper name.

2. Allows them to bring Aaron more into the Sugden family. While, yes, Seb would probably get lumped into the Dingles at times because of Aaron, Aaron can also get brought into Sugden family time, such as it is.

3. Allows them to give Vic and Harry more screen time, and use Vic’s obsessive family tendencies to get Seb back, giving her something positive to do instead of just being annoying. It maybe lets Harry become more of an actual character if he has a cousin with story potential.

4. Gives the Sugdens, such as they are, someone to rally around in general.

5. Is actually related to people like the Merricks, unlike Vic, if they wanted to explore that connection as well.

Section 4: Bringing Seb back is the perfect opportunity to use the fact that Danny is good with the kids.

1. Danny is great with the kids on screen and off and the kids seem to love him back.

2. It would be a better way to use some of his more cringe humor.

3. If they actually cast a good kid actor that Danny can play off of well, they could be such a fun little duo.

Section 5: There’s no reason not to do it. There’s nothing stopping them other than their own inability to tell a good or even mediocre story.

1. They’ve already gone through the trouble of killing Rebecca off. What was the point of that if they’re not going to bring Seb back. They’ve already done half the work.

2. It’s not contingent on getting an actor like Ryan back. They can literally cast any red headed or blonde child for the role (hopefully a good one but I digress…)

So in conclusion: BRING SEB HOME!

[panlight]

also continuing off the Informed Traits discussion, just how much of Caslisle's compassion/kindness is informed? Bella and Edward both make it seem like he's this saintly figure and pillar of goodness, but then there's moments where he does things that make you wonder if the view on him is just really rose-tinted.

Again, going back on BD where he invites his friends to witness and doesn't seem to care that they're hunting humans just outside forks/la push and let's them stay even after already knowing what their presence triggers the tribe to phase, the book also reveals that he took Jacob's blood sample to study without his consent?? Like a lab experiment???? (I learned this through a post showcasing that part in the book) Also in a podcast I listen to that discusses the plot of MS, he apparently fakes being Billy's distant relative (impersonating an indigenous person uhhmmm 😬) and, well,,,, lets just say I can see why some people think that entire phone call just gave colonizer vibes. AND!!! didn't he drug a woman to steal their car and kinda doesn't react much when they caused a massive car pileup??

On the one hand i dont mind if it's meant to show us that even Carlisle's sense of morality is flawed, but between Bella's "the Cullens are good to the core" and every time Edward talks about him in MS, it's feels more to me like another unreliable narrator trope.

This one is harder for me because, see, I want the compassion to be real because I think the concept of a vampire blessed/cursed with Super Compassion is legit fascinating! As I've said about 23470234 times, my favorite aspect of vampire stories is how they become a vampire, how you cope, the choices you make, what you accept and what you deny about your new reality. The idea that for this one guy, becoming a vampire made him even more compassionate is just the kind of twist on it that I've never seen anywhere else and I think it's really interesting, actually. A dud of a superpower, sure; the innate push-pull of vampire instincts vs super compassion compels me, though.

But obviously I can see where it comes from that it could be an unreliable narrator thing or outright lie. Or at least a show vs tell problem where we're told he's compassionate but actions suggests otherwise.

I think it falls apart in two major ways:

The protagonist-centered morality. Everything in the story is about facilitating the E/B romance. Carlisle's alleged compassion can only help that, he can't hinder it. They HAVE to move back to Forks so the story can happen, he can't say "huh maybe it's NOT compassionate to move back to a place where people know what we are and are terrified of us." He can't refuse to drug the soccer mom because they have to save Bella! He can't object to having witnesses gather in Forks and force more teenage boys to phase and put humans at risk of being eaten because we have to save Renesmee! He can compassionately offer Bree surrender, but neither he nor Esme can do any more than that to try and save her, because that would complicate Bella's upcoming wedding. The Bella-centricity of it all sits like a supermassive black hole in the middle of the story, disrupting the orbits and bending the light of the other characters.

Carlisle can't be any more compassionate than his author, and that limits him. We had a fandom discussion about this a few years ago, but basically because SM doesn't see the problems with how the Quileute characters are treated in the story, none of the characters can, either. I remember calling it the moral version of how Alice is supposed to be a fashionista, but because SM doesn't really know anything about high fashion, there's a lot of 'tell' about her being this fashion icon but the actual show of clothes in the story doesn't live up to it. Or Carlisle himself -- he's supposed to be this genius doctor who has studied medicine and science for centuries, but SM isn't a doctor or a scientist, so some of the stuff she makes him say doesn't live up to the idea she planted. SM totally missed the settler-colonial stuff, the dehumanizing language, etc etc, so none of the characters, not even Compassionate Carlisle or Power-of-Heart Esme can.

tl;dr I like to think the compassion is real but hindered by the narrative insisting on prioritizing the love story AND Carlisle being unable to be more compassionate than his author. But that's because I WANT it to be real because I think the concept is really interesting, even if the execution is lacking. I don't need or want him to be Perfect or a Saint, and I'm sure existing as a VAMPIRE of all things would naturally come into conflict with compassion all the time (examples in the book is him not wanting to kill James and it leading to the extended hunt instead; offering surrender to Bree but knowing if he goes against the Volturi they could kill the whole family; telling Sam in BD that this isn't his fight and 'don't get your family slaughtered for pride,' even as Sam insists they have to be there for Jacob and Jacob has to be there for Nessie [blargh].) and that struggle and how he deals with it when he's in a situation with no Compassionate choice is available would be great. Even that car chase in Midnight Sun could maybe work if the story gave Carlisle any room to protest until Alice insists it's the Only Way!!!! or whatever, and some follow up where like oh huh weird some random charity swooped in to pay all the medical bills of everyone involved in the pile-up and bought them all new cars. If Edward, Jasper, etc can't turn off their gifts, Carlisle shouldn't be able to either, even when being forced into uncompassionate actions. But SM doesn't care. She only cares about Carlisle, let alone his compassion, inasmuch as she needed a kindly father figure to set up the vegetarian vampire thing and for Bella to have a convenient doctor.

[lilia-calderus-pet-goat]

This is a very sleep deprived thought—and I don't actually believe it, per se—but.

I've seen a lot of people who are deeply unsatisfied with the retcon of it being Agatha that bound Jen's magic. Mainly, because it felt like shoe-honing. Especially since Agatha made such a point about going out of her way to not kill Jen despite hating her, because she respected her work too much.

I think many interesting discussions can be had about this. I've talked about this before—the fact that Jen's character felt sort of neglected in the finale, and the fact a lot of people struggled to connect with her prior to rewatches. (I myself didn't have this problem, but still, my criticisms are still of the same nature-)

So anyway, Agatha probably chose to bind Jen to keep her out of the way, not realising the weight of that, the intersectionality—perhaps not caring about the suggesting very much at all. Because, you're a midwife, Jen. You can still do good. You will do good, just out of my way. And I truly do believe this is how it went.

But what if Agatha hadn't been the one to bind her? What if, in a brief moment of clarity, Agatha locked in to get everyone out? Her movements are always supposed to be calculated, so is carelessness really in her repertoire?

Maybe, just maybe, she heard Jen say that, “I'll be damned if I let one of you two idiots die,” and that triggered her. Maybe because of pride—god knows she was overwhelmed before the final trial and all her walls had come right back up. But the same didn't apply to Jennifer. She had actually changed. Jen had actually re-discovered her worth. She'd remembered who she was, power or not. She was someone Agatha respected in spite of the resentment. Someome who heals, nurtures, helps, does good. Not the vain, surface-level, self-serving fraud—who had previously been on a dark path too similar to Agatha's own, so close to complete cynicism. Lilia had saved Jen from that path and oushed her to be the path ahead. The Obstacles? Agatha.

And Agatha won't accept Jen's help—not after what happened to Alice, which to Agatha's & Billy's eyes alike stands as evidence of the fact she is a monster. She won't even accept to acknowledge her own character development, as a mere episode ago she jumped in front of a sword to save Lilia. She won't, above all, acknowledge that Jen has grown to care about her. Instead, she will do everything tomake that kdea crumble. She will destroy it.

All she needs to do is shape the narrative Billy truly thinks is true, and so it can become the truth. Billy, who created the condition in which it was possible for Alice to break her generational curse. Who found the spirits of Evanora and Nicky alike. All the trials were his limited understanding of the coven & of witch folk. (Jen's was right out of her vision board, she looked like one of her clients—nothing like the rootworker midwife we know she used to be. Alice's is in the seventies, which mathematically makes no sense with her age as she would have been born in the eighties to be the age she is on 2025—but Billy based everything about her trial on Lorna, because that's what he was familiar with. Agatha's mind he couldn't read—all he knew about her was that something happened to her son. So he puts a grown woman in children's clothing, to force therapy on her—and she regresses into the hurt little girl she was at the stake. Lilia, whose mind is the loudest & most easily accessible to Billy, had the most personalised trial, but even then, it latches onto the witch stereotypes that she so desperately hates. All of those do help the girls—minus Agatha—but still don't fully represent them. As for the green witch trial, well, it took him a while to cook it up, because he just found out Rio is death. Anyway, I digress—) My point being, if you can shape Billy's understanding of a situation, you can have some power over what happens. (One trial for each witch, the public transport system, etc.)

Would it be such an impossible stretch to say Agatha painted herself as the villain once more, embracing the part presented to her, the oart most familiar, the oart she knows best to simultaneously reject Jen's offered sisterhood/peace/altruism AND make sure the road gave Jen her powers back? She gets Jen out of the way—go do good again, just out of my way—because she's hellbent on the narrative that Agatha Harkness can't be anything but a covenless witch.

And what's the next thing she does, after assuring Billy that the road took Jen to safety after giving her what she wants?

She tries to get what she wants, because she knows Billy is in no real danger in his own road. Give me a little power-boost, dungeon master, get me out of here, come on. But he doesn't trust her. And if he doesn't trust her—she can't possibly convince him to willingly hand himself over to Rio.

So she gives him what he needs, what he wants from the road. She guides him—cradles his head and helps him fight the guilt, she helps him save Tommy. The second abomination that Lady Death was trying to prevent has already been re-born, but Rio's too busy playing mother-knows-best in suburbia on Agatha's rooftop.

So Agatha gets Billy out, accepts that, “sometimes boys die,” that death herself can't be blamed for Nicky—she forgives Rio—and starts to mourn herself. She's gotten Jen & Billy out. She can stay here and die the villain. But the road presents her with the opportunity to live—from death, life—(she also realises right then that Nicky was also Rio's, btw)—and she makes her dramatic exit. The rest is... A different post.

[weirdmageddon]

jackson’s words gave me goosebumps

i decided to sit down and list out the reasons why, what connections i have, and ended up deconstructing why the venture bros is so personal to me

i’m not sure if anybody else is interested but this is my blog so i can post what i want. it feels useless keeping this to myself trapped in my head.

i am from new jersey, born and raised.

i have a gen x new york city 70s-80s punk/post-punk/new wave/no wave college radio dj mom. she’s interviewed bands and just knows people. here she is

doc hammer has been to multiple of these clubs. my mom says his face looks familiar, like she’s sure she’s passed by him a couple of times, and she has good facial recognition.

mom and i genuinely bond over this stuff. she was a no wave new york city chick but didn’t hear about Swans until i told her cause i assumed she’d know and i was like WHAT? HOW and i sent her one song and caught her just listening through the discography for like the next week

i only got into the venture bros because i saw a clip from the Out of Context Violence twitter account. it was the one of younger billy hitting brock in the balls and jumping out the window and i thought he looked like claus from mother 3 (my deep special interest at the time) because of his parted orange hair and his metal hand.

started looking into the venture bros BECAUSE fucking billy’s design reminded me of something completely unrelated. that’s why. then i posted THERE’S ANOTHER CLAUS when i saw little rusty’s character modellll the yellow striped shirt and everything. it was genuinely so funny

so then i looked more into the show as a whole…. stopped in my tracks i literally went “JG THIRWELL????” cause i already was listening to foetus. and not even because of my mom either although getting passed her taste and finding that i genuinely shared it and loved it (i had way more deeply personal response to it than what my dad’s classic rock ever felt), it did open up many doors for me. it gave me a place to plant myself and grow around. and i just found it based on branching adjecently to whatever i was listening to at the time. i think someone might’ve recommended it to me on twitter. i don’t remember, but it was some industrial-related recommendation. once i got into foetus i was like oh shit he worked with coil on Scatology at the time under the alias Clint Ruin. who cares though this cartoon has JG THIRWELL DOING THE SCORE???? like i completely stumbled ass backwards into ALL OF THIS by myself.

same thing with instantly knowing i needed my hair to look like that after seeing triana the first frame she was on screen in s1e05. when i later listened to the post-punk podcast with doc hammer episode where he says “triana was based on people i knew. that’s it. she was this amalgam of people that i actually knew” i was like WOAH, because when i got that haircut, my mom went through old photo albums and showed me that same picture in the radio station booth which i hadn’t seen before and she said, “i had that exact same haircut at your age”. do you see what i mean by falling ass backwards into it?

it’s the fact that it wasn’t that i adopted my mom’s style like you’d expect it to go. i referenced it from a cartoon i discovered by complete accident that i ended up falling love with, the co-creator of which my mom happened to exist in the same generation, same punk/post-punk/no wave subculture, same time, and same place. i bet she could understand at least 98% of the references in the venture bros. and because my mom’s knowledge passively rubbed off on me i’m probably one of the few people my age who understands a large portion of the show’s references and can really get in on the humorousness about it. and my mom WOULD absolutely be one of those “references only 5 people in the world will get” to an impressive degree simply due to the proximity in time and space and subculture, but she doesn’t want to watch it because she doesn’t like cartoons which is such a bizarre hangup to me but whatever.

but ALSO …. THE ACTUAL PROXIMITY TO ME? SO I FEEL IN ON THAT TOO? the new jersey jokes were always like.. New Jersey Mentioned. i grew up in bergen county, i was IN on that shit.

“i mean what kind of supervillain lives in Paterson, NJ?” is legendary to me. i need you to understand. the scale this is on

(for cheeseburger people that cant convert metric to imperial in their heads that’s equal to about 6 miles.)

also see “Montclair” on the map, southwest of Paterson? that’s where my mom’s college was, where that photo was taken in the booth (WMSC).

fun fact: WMSC was the first station to play Soft Cell’s Tainted Love on US airwaves

most of these bands were first played on college radio stations. certain stations in big cities like in NY and CA. like NYU and UCLA had big ranges. big cities were the center of where stuff was happening. my mom could pick up WLIR (from long island) at college, but not at home which was out of range.

here’s what she tells me: when bands were first coming to tour in the US, they sent advance copies of new records to the college radio stations since they wanted to get air play, and these small groups of students who were actually interested in the “New Music” like my mom were also interviewing these bands. it really was a small group of people in this scene. if you look in the yearbook, only a select few students out of the whole bunch were involved in this. so it was like everybody sort of knew each other. they went to the same clubs, dressed similarly i suppose in order to identify each other. i guess it was about associating with people who shared your taste and being on the pulse of cultural developments. this was the crucial bottleneck, where it begins: locally platforming new music that would go on to influence others and break into mainstream culture like the butterfly effect. except it is YOU who is the butterfly flapping its wings, only concerned with what’s immediately around you and blissfully unaware that your flaps will influence a cyclonic system developing on the other side of the world. and i’ve come to realize that i have that effect too in my own way (e.g. real-time fandub). speaking of butterflies…

Monarch’s parents’ Newark home, too. my dad grew up in the outskirts of Elizabeth, NJ. (measuring bar is 2km at this zoom level)

my mom 🤝 dj patrick cusack 🤝 doc hammer. i also want to meet patrick too i want to see his music collection. maybe i can ask my mom.

in that Guild of Calamitous Podcast episode when jackson mentioned A Certain Ratio and doc pulled out Crispy Ambulance i’m like get the fuck out of here. both of them are on my “sara essentials” playlist. nobody talks about them but i like them. my mom just mentioned them one time in passing and since i trust her music taste i went to look it up and then just..got into it. partly because i knew crispy ambulance from when i was much younger before i knew its name.

you know, it’s like how many people actually can say the same thing. i wasn’t there, i wasn’t even born. how miraculous is it that i even know all this. i love my mom’s music because her taste connected immediately with what i always felt like i was meant to hear. my dad’s music taste didn’t have the same effect on me despite hearing it for as long as i could remember and way more often than hers.

my mom tells me my dad played led zeppelin while i was in utero like playing it on her belly but i didn’t pop out a zeppelin fan since birth. i’ve heard classic rock all through my house growing up. it never fused with my brain the way my mom’s music did.

and here’s the thing: my dad prioritized his own music over my mom’s. like in the car or in the house for instance, because he did not like my mom’s new wave new romantic post-punk music (but they could bond over Pink Floyd and The Doors). so i got much less exposure to hers. but when i did, like she took me out alone or something, her music stuck to my brain while my dad’s kind of just bounced off.

it sounds a bit harsh to say but in a certain way my dad dying absolutely opened up this can of worms when i was 15 that would later end up shaping me in a huge way. so now my mom could really properly introduce her stuff to me. a handful of songs were already deeply imprinted somewhere in my brain from childhood, and when i heard them again after so many years i was like OOHHH MY GOD. like it was just something significant for me. and again i want to emphasize that this is completely involuntary. why did i react that way to this music? i don’t know why this was my innate preference, there’s no rhyme or reason for it. it has nothing to do with nostalgia because obviously my brain wrinkles had a preference since before i could articulate it. why though? that’s the question. but it ended up being significant later in my life. i know like every single band these two are talking about and the general genre/scene they encompassed. i don’t listen to them all i have my favorites i cling to obviously but they have entered my cultural awareness.

certain songs on her Left of the Dial CD just stayed with me. and i was a little kid so i didn’t know anything about these bands but once my dad died we bonded heavily over this music.

some sparse yet formative ones for me i remember from my young childhood and would later find again:

Classix Nouveaux - Guilty (the song and the music video where he looks like nosferatu)

The Durutti Column - For Belgian Friends (VERY evocative, i might have been 3 or 4 when i heard this? because i always associated it in my mind with these particular images. the wooden stairs of the home of my babysitter(?) with the sun shining through the window and casting nice shadows and the grandfather clock they had. this is the ONLY thing that stuck with me about that house and those people, everything else about the existence of them has escaped my mind and the only proof i had they even existed to me was through the images evoked in association with this song since my mom played it in the car to/from there one time. it’s like her music made me gain consciousness.)

Echo & The Bunnymen - The Cutter

The Sugarcubes - Birthday (listening to it for the first time in years once i was older for me was like…OH. OKAY.)

Sisters of Mercy - This Corrosion

Aztec Camera - Oblivious

Crispy Ambulance - The Plateau Phase (the whole album. the song Simon’s Ghost really left an impression on me when i was very young too)

and as of now i’ve solidly made my musical home here. i’ve come to my mom about some band i’m listening to that was around during her time only to find out i know more than my mom in some cases because i took her initial pointers and just ran, like with Swans for instance. i fell ass backwards into finding my people because of my unexplainable and basically innate magnetism beyond my control to very specific things that just gel with me on a deeper level. i don’t know why that is.

partly explains why i’m like obsessed with psychology too, whatever’s at my disposal to explain it. neuroscience and jung and all that like, what is going on?? i want to figure it out. why did my brain wrinkles have a preference before i was basically conscious of what preferences were? and why does it lead me to people who are so similar to myself not just in terms of music taste, but in a cognitive-psychological way too?

on that note… doc hammer’s similarity to myself. when i listened to the post-punk podcast with doc hammer it wasn’t too far in that there were experiential parallels between us and how we thought about life in general. i recognized an identical psychological structure in him that could be explained by having identical types in socionics model A. even though i have talked to other LIIs he goes beyond that though. so it’s not just the socionics type, but that does seem to be a common denominator for a lot of things because like it predisposes you towards certain patterns since certain information aspects in the world are perceived with more clarity than others, and we’re the same in that regard. but similarity also depends on like where you were born and what you grew up with, etc. his taste in music and style! where he grew up!

he’s genuinely the closest person to myself i’ve ever known to just exist out there, and for me at least i’ve noticed that’s really fucking rare and hard to find. i mean it.

i remember actually kicking my feet listening to that podcast episode because i was so excited by hearing things he said that were realizations that i have had but they were so specific to me that i didn’t think i’d hear them coming from another person’s mouth. and then other realizations he’s had that would’ve otherwise take me years to have, but now that i’ve heard it i got a shortcut, like taking those bridges in candyland.

the things that he knows, his taste, and the fact that he “can’t escape being goth no matter what??” “this is the tribe you feel at one with, this is the music that makes you feel whole?” that opened my eyes. it resonated exactly with my own experiences. you read what i wrote above, right? that even from when i was a toddler and didn’t know shit about anything, hearing my mom play that music literally sat in my brain differently. i learned so much about myself listening to his own self-insight at his age older than me. it held this particular weight for me because of that. AND him being autistic too? you’re kidding me. i feel like there’s hidden connections tying this all together statistically by some features but i don’t know what they are

it wasn’t soon after that i realized the venture bros was made in LII-ESE dual partnership which is only partly the reason why it feels like home, too.

socionics is completely unrelated to all of this venture bros by the way. these interests of mine were found through completely different avenues of life.

i stumbled into socionics because personality differences and typology systems always caught my interest as a tool to explicitly distinguish people’s character and aiding in understanding how we can distinguish parts of ourselves. i have a sharp sense of where my self and my own experiences fits in relation to the people around me, both what makes me similar and what makes me different from another person. i want to know where i fit in relation to the world. wound up attracted to the same avenues that carl jung ended up spearheading in modern history. ¿coincidencia?

but it also explains why that amount of overlap with other people by sheer luck like this (from my perspective) feels so significant. fuuuckkk and jung came up with the concept of synchronicity too. it’s all related. i swear i feel like i’m poorly reinventing plato and jung’s wheel here discovering the patterns of archetypes by myself and stuff. glad that knowledge is already out there so i don’t feel like i’m insane and i have words to explain what i acutely experience to other people.

excerpt from augusta on Identity relations. this is exactly my experience listening to doc hammer. (and carl jung by extension since i’ve been talking about his ideas a lot lately):

“Individuals with an identical type of information metabolism act on the conscious functions of others and form conscious ideals, goals, and methods. Those who grow up with an identical type of personality use them as a goalpost. They walk through life much more confidently, with much less wandering and feelings of being lost, and realize their intelligence with more purpose.

It’s the same feeling people have when they meet a representative of their own type. They’re no better or worse than anyone else. But they’re transparent to you, and you’re transparent to them. You can’t pretend in front of him. You can’t quarrel with them. They speak in such simple, “your” words that it at first feels strange. The feeling of full understanding contributes to business communication and prevents empty chatter, when, in fact, there is nothing to say.

Writers and artists with an identical type of IM are perceived by the reader and the viewer as people of subtle intelligence, able to penetrate into the essence of things. But they do not uncover any mysterious things, nor do they reveal any secrets. It is just that the individual has not been where they have been and the individual has not seen what they have seen. [in the case of doc hammer, i happen overlap with much of the music he listens to, and grew up around the same general area which is why he feels so much like me to an even greater extent] That is why individuals with the identical type of IM are valued not so much as artists who decorate life in one way or another, but as explorers who open new horizons.

They’d do the same thing in your shoes. To others, you may seem like a legend or a failure. But to them, you are just a person and nothing more. Something you have failed, something you should have wanted but didn’t, and what you have achieved, as well as what you have not achieved, does not change your essence in their eyes. Perhaps because both of these are available to them to a certain extent. It is not the end result that matters, but the journey that you travel one way or another. People measure their efforts by the distance and obstacles they overcome on the way to their goal, not by the result. And the point is not at all about where the road led to. The fact that one person manages to find many helpers, while others have to wander alone, is an equal fate for representatives of all types.

Here we encounter one interesting phenomenon. With how discoverers of new truths evaluate those who worked in past generations. Everyone who made a discovery did not notice something about the discovery lying on the same surface level. Or articulated the discovered truth less accurately than was done 50 years later. It doesn’t matter whether it was Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, or anyone else. One thing that matters to us is that the identical type sees no “mistakes” in their work. They see work that’s started well and unfinished work that must be taken up and delved into in order to complete and improve it further. Any incorrect or insufficiently accurate conclusion is perceived not as an error or misconception of the author, but as an important step on the path of development of science, as an optimal conclusion from the material available at the time.

However, it should be remembered that only a person with an identical type of intelligence can go into their teacher’s work and check them. Even more than that: a person with an identical type does not take anything their predecessor has done by faith. And until they are convinced in practice, until they see with their own eyes what the theories were based on, until they probe in their own head for this “mental clarity,” and before this point they will not believe in it or repeat it. They see the premises that their teacher saw, they see the teacher’s train of thought and conclusions, but they do not memorize them. They have to experience them (which is quite different). There are no authorities in matters related to the thinking of a person of the identity type.”

and excerpt from augusta on Duality relations, since the venture bros is written by a ESE-LII dual pair (jackson and doc respectively), and that cognitive framing shows up in the show because it was created by a person with that type of intelligence (ESE is my dual).

“People relax while reading books written by their dual. Reaction to all other forms of art is the same. Relaxation, peacefulness, a feeling of fullness of life. Helping the dual is simultaneously helping oneself, it is a fulfilment of one’s own needs. What the duals give each other not only does not cost them anything, it is a necessary basis for mental and physical vitality. The partner is truly irreplaceable and precious because they allow you to reach self-realization.”

it’s also the type of the creators of the music i’ve come to regard as my “home base” as i described here.

continuing to find the things that makes me feel whole (and i’ve always felt alienated from most of the world btw) has seemed to me like a completely serendipitous process because it’s not happening on purpose. i am not seeking these things out on purpose because i don’t even know what exists that i’m looking for. it’s basically passive process and then i hold on to the things that resonate with me as a “benchmark” position and go from there.

animal collective [ESE] already wrote a song about this. basically the same thing but from the extraverted orientation. ESE sense of self is understood through bodies (extraverted), LII’s sense of self is understood through fields (introverted). (see for explanation of terms: https://augustaproject.wordpress.com/bodies-vs-fields/)

and seriously what is with the coincidences? i’ve thought about this before, how i’m usually a very lucky person and i don’t know why. or like ripple effects in time that end up just coming together in the end. sure part of it is external circumstances, like being born where i was and my mom being born around that time and place, and sharing the taste that she does. but what about internal ones? does it have something to do with the way i process the world too? because it’s remarkably different from most people that i know, and obviously i can sense that because of the violent way i reacted to doc hammer and went “oh this guy could actually be me.”

why did my brain have that musical preference before i even had the life experience to know any of this would turn out like this and be so interrelated? i was NOT a tabula rasa. i swear my innate preferences were already there. it was just a matter of it manifesting in my environment, exposing me to it a sensory way so my nervous system knew about its existence.

the early imprinting of my mom’s new wave/post-punk/alternative music in my brain, but not my dad’s classic rock music that i was exposed to way more, yet it held no real estate in my brain, wouldn’t be explainable if i didn’t have innate preferences. and again i was a young child so i had no life experience to explain this or have any reason to do so. and going back to what i said before, why did that innate preference end up leading me later in life to people who are so similar to myself not just in terms of music taste, but in a deeper cognitive-psychological way?

now that i’m older, and can consciously reason and build explanations upon my life experience, i keep realizing it all keeps going deeper and deeper. my interests from all these corners of life that barely interact with each other by themselves are all connected in some deeper way because i was there. i accumulate and take them with me wherever i go. i cross-polinate wherever i go. it’s freaky to think about.

this was curious to me and i filed it away in the back of my memory. when i first read it it felt correct just from the accumulation of my experiences. but now that i’ve just consciously realized that for myself in my own context, i really understand what it means

in recent memory from a conversation i had yesterday evening

[florawriting]

So, I have been writing things for the Billy is canonically a god (au?) thingy for a while (press the tag to see everything) and I started to wonder. What would Billy actually be the god of? Scrap that, what would each Shazamily member be the god(des) of? So here my personal headcanons.

Billy: God of Companionship and Sacrifice

I personally came in with the idea of having at least one title for their act that assended them into godhood and one that fits their personality. For Billy it was pretty obvious that Sacrifice had to be one of them. He willingly sacrificed himself to protect humanity knowing full well that he would die. Companionship was chosen because of his journey throughout the movies. Going from first not wanting to have companionship at all to being too scared to let it go in fear he would be alone again. I feel that as someone who has been in two extremes, he would be a good fit to embody (all of) it.

Mary: Goddess of Perseverance and Altruism

I chose perseverance for two reasons. One, I believe her ascending moment would include something where she had to painstakingly had to do something for a long time to save the day. Which leads to Two: a lot of actions we see her do in the movies show her perseverance. She got into Caltech (but turned it down) and Oxford not because she has super-intelligence, but through hard work and religious study. In FOTG she took odd jobs to help sustain the family financially even tho she herself was struggling with her own dilemma’s.

This brings to altruism which, for those who don't know, is "selfless concern for the well-being of others, without care for one's own interests". Mary displays this constantly by choosing not to go to Caltech to support the others in their superhero endeavors and juggling jobs to ensure income for her parents. To a point where it is tearing her life apart (as seen in FOTG and it's deleted scene's). Another reason I chose this was because altruism is a form of sacrifice and I wanted a connection between Billy and Mary seeing as they are twins in the earlier comics.

Freddy: God of Freedom and the Mind

I feel like i need to explain the Mind a bit, so let's start with that one. In an earlier post I mentioned how overpowered Freddy actually is for a so called "crippiled" boy. Having managed to both resist Kalypso's and Landor's power for a prolong period of time, both having brought people down on their knees in mere milliseconds. I am also fully in camp: Freddy is a gifted ADHD kid with a superhero hyperfocus which goes well with the mind theme I am going for.

It is also the attribute that I believe is named after his ascending moment. Having werestood something that even the others with the courage of Achilles couldn't handle.

It is also the attribute that I believe is named after his assending moment. Having werestood something that even the others with the courage of achilles couldn't handle.

Freedom is I think pretty self explanatory. One, he would absolutely want it just for the fact that Free is in his last name and he would find that hilarious. But also because a lot of his character is centered about the fact that he longs for the freedom his superhero form provides him. The theme is in both movies, so I believe it would fit as a core part of his character.

I am going to have to split it up in two parts guys, this post is really getting long. Press here for part two when it's up, alright. Thanks!