#I actually gotta stop making their lives depressing

[restinslices]

My Fandom Ocs

I was scrolling on tumblr and ended up seeing @mattmurdocksthighs (fantastic name btw) do this post showing off their ocs and I was like “I wanna do that” so here we are. No one asked for this but LISTEN- I don’t ONLY think about Mortal Kombat. And I’ll probably write about them at some point and get like, 2 cute lil like. I’ll keep updating this because my brain is always coughing up this shit. Their stories also got a lot of shit going on so I’m giving the very basic stuff so this shit ain’t too long. (Rereading this and the shit ended up long anyway). Last updated: 8/22/24

Jamie Kalivoda

Universe: Fear Street

Related to: Simon Kalivoda - Younger Brother

Sexuality: Unlabeled 

Love Interest: Ryan Torres (rip)

Faceclaim: Linda Cardellini

Summary: Jamie is Simon’s older sister and was dating Ryan Torres before the mall massacre. The leaves her deep in grief because Heather was also one of her best friends. She knows she should accept what’s happened, but she can’t help feeling that something is off since Ryan never seemed like he’d just “go crazy”. She is roped in with the main characters and tries to break the curse.

Cassiopia Lupin

Universe: Harry Potter

Related to: Remus Lupin - Dad. Polaris Lupin -  Fraternal Twin (it’s possible for twins to look this different. Look it up). Non canon mother

House: Hufflepuff 

Sexuality: Biromantic but Asexual

Love Interest: Harry or Neville 

Faceclaim: Adelaide Kane

Summary: She is the fraternal twin of Polaris and is sorted into Hufflepuff. Unlike her dad and sister, she’s actually not a werewolf (until some shit happens). Although she is the more protective and somewhat agitated twin, it comes from a place of never wanting her family to be hurt again. Her family sides with the golden trio and fight against the death eaters.

Polaris Lupin

Universe: Harry Potter

Related to: Remus Lupin - Dad. And before y’all ask, her mom is black but she’s not a cannon character so I’m not putting her here

House: Ravenclaw

Sexuality: Lesbian

Love interest: Bounces between Luna and Pansy cause she loves a lil bit of toxicity. She get it from Remus fr

Faceclaim: Chandler Kinney

Summary: In my version, Remus is gay. I know fans debate whether he’s bi or gay, in this version he’s gay. He’s in denial and ends up hooking up with a female witch, and while that confirmed that he had to face the hard reality of another thing about him being different, her ass must’ve been listening to Usher cause she said she was three months pregnant and she was keeping it (some of y’all enjoyed that more than others and I’m ok with this). At first he wanted nothing to do with this kid but came around to the idea, which was real convenient cause her mom got killed by her own family. Guess we locked in for life now. She has his werewolf gene and is trying her hardest to succeed in school to hopefully make their life better.

Vaelora Velaryon

Universe: House Of The Dragon

Related to: Rhaenyra Targaryen - Mom. Harwin Strong - Dad. Jacaerys, Lucerys, Joffrey, ect. - Siblings

House: Targaryen 

Team: Black

Sexuality: Pansexual

Love interest: Jacaerys and Baela 

Faceclaim: Connie Jenkins-Greig

Summary: Honestly I don’t feel like typing all of it, but you can read her story on Wattpad!

Aeavia Min

Universe: PJO

Cabin: 13 - Hades

Fatal Flaw: Holding grudges 

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: I ain’t think that far

Faceclaim: Park Gyu-young

Summary: Still a wip but essentially she is the twin sister of Mina Min. They are the secret forbidden children of Hades and know about it. They act as support for their fellow forbidden child Percy. Aeavia is named after the underworld judge Aeacus, which shows in her personality as she is less strict that her twin and believes that someone’s intentions matter the most and offers leeway when committing certain actions. She is also loyal to her family and fights alongside the Olympians.

Medora Montgomery

Universe: PJO

Cabin: 10 - Aphrodite 

Fatal Flaw: Recklessness 

Sexuality: Demisexual

Love interest: I ain’t think that far

Faceclaim: Cascina Caradonna

Summary: She’s still a wip but as of right now her story is that she is from a wealthy family and her father despises Aphrodite for what she’s done. Growing up her father talked horribly about Aphrodite and made it seem like she is nothing more than a “whore goddess” with no real significance. She also has experienced being over sexualized like many other girls and it always being her fault has been drilled into her head. When she is sent to camp and claimed by Aphrodite, she hates it. She doesn’t hate her cabin mates but she, like others, mistakenly believe that Aphrodite only represents sex and she blames her for all the sexualization she’s faced. She is desperate to prove that she can be more and throws herself into situations that are way too big for only her to handle. She has to figure out what Aphrodite means to her, how to love herself as she is, how to get her inner light back and has to learn how to recognize that she is a victim and that creeps exist. It is not her job to make sure they keep their comments and hands to themselves. 

Mina Min

Universe: PJO

Cabin: 13 - Hades

Fatal Flaw: Holding grudges

Sexuality: Lesbian

Love Interest: I ain’t think that far

Faceclaim: Park Gyu-young

Summary: Still a wip but essentially she is the twin sister of Aeavia Min. They are the secret forbidden children of Hades and know about it. They act as support for their fellow forbidden child Percy. Mina is named after the underworld judge Minos, which shows in her personality as she has a strict personality and believes in severe punishment for those who do wrong, regardless of their intentions. She is fiercely loyal to her family and fights alongside the Olympians (though she’s considered switching sides).

Kajsa Helvar

Universe: Six Of Crows

Related to: Matthias Helvar - Older Brother.

Sexuality: Lesbian

Love Interest: -

Faceclaim: Ivanna Sakhno

Summary: Kajsa is Matthias’s younger sister who is believed to be dead. She survived the village fire and was taken by Fjerdan officials to become an assassin (they got a bootleg Black Widow program. Shhhhh) for them since Druskelle take too long and are easily noticeable. After she finds out he’s alive, she leaves Fjerda and tracks him down but when she realizes his girlfriend is Grisha, she believes he’s being poisoned and wants to kill Nina. When Matthias refuses to let that happen, she thinks it’s too late and the only way to save his soul is to kill him. Will she succeed? Will they make up and undo her brainwashing? Who knows? Not me.

[funkle420]

*takes my last adderall so i can finish all my work in one day*

*finishes one (1) assignment*

*gets distracted and spends the rest of the day hyperfocusing on delicious in dungeon again*

[padawansuggest]

Okay so on Coruscant there are very few people that don’t actually go out into the streets (I’m thinking politicians and Jedi might be some of the few who don’t have to go outside very often if at all because the senate and the temple are both the size of a small city) which means that 1: they NEED to have vitamin D lights on the streets of Coruscant because otherwise everyone would be depressed like in the deepest winter at all times. And 2: that means I think the Jedi temple and the senate themselves also are just full of Vitamin D lights.

Also y’all need to stop writing fics where kids are afraid of ‘getting caught sneaking around after dark’ or something because the temple is literally so full of species that you have no idea of that kid is nocturnal or whatever. They very well could be. Tbh I wanna write a fic where someone catches Obi-Wan sneaking around at night to play a prank with Quin or something and he’s all ‘bruh my eyes glow in the dark I’m obviously meant to be awake at this hour’ and no one can argue with him. Stuff like that.

Also I think the temple neeeeeeeds multiple healing halls (once more. It is the size of a small city) one in the aquatic center of the temple (which canonically exists) one in the temple main (which should span over like four levels and act as it’s own building okay) and one in the creche. This is the MINIMUM amount of healing halls I think they should have.

A tram system should be inside the walls. Places in the temple that act as sideways lifts and also a subway system because believe it or not, there are species in the temple as small as one foot tall, and I’m not just talking about Grogu, I’m talking about others like Kushiban and others similar. Once more. It is the size of a small city. They should have both subway type stations (that take you certain places like the main healing halls or the biggest canteen or the supply sector of the temple things like that) because oh my god imagine how many hours the commute to your workstation could take if you didn’t have that shit. Annoying af.

They gotta have names for all the different canteens okay. Like ‘meet me in the cafeteria’ in a temple the size of a small city is bullshit cause even in the books they have multiple cafeterias.

A… let’s call it a Mall Section of the temple. A place where you can pick up groceries (the temple makes their own food and I assume most of it is cooked in careens but also not letting people cook their own food is a recipe for a Jedi starving to death on a mission lmao) but they also have a salon (skin care and hair care are very important and if you let all these babies cut their own hair they gonna turn out like me no one wants that) and a clothing ‘store’ where you can get certain size clothes and robes from, or even undercover mission clothes. There need to be Jedi in these places too!!! Imagine going to the salon with your master and having a gossip talk about your new lineage member!!! It’s important to society!!!

A Jedi movie theater where the masters send their kiddos on the weekend so they can enjoy a glass of wine and not be sneezed on for three hours.

I’ve actually seen a few mentions in fics and posts about tea salons so that is def also a thing. It’s the Jedi version of a cafe. I think people who like baking take turns working there and everyone chips in for tea selections and stuff.

Droid Ubers. They need to get somewhere but feel sick as heck and it’s not near any good lifts or the subway trams??? Call a droid Uber lmao. It shouldn’t be unusual either lol just grandmaster on his way to bother his kid while not aggravating his hip after hip surgery.

Remember that Jedi who are like 10 foot tall also exist so remember there ARE apartments in the temple that could fit Kenobi’s Dino-Horse girl Boga.

There should also be apartments with like 10 bedrooms and bathrooms (or even one giant communal bathroom) around a singular living/cooking space!!! Let Jedi live in communes!!!!

The aquatic levels of the creche are def the cutest place in the temple you can’t argue with me on the idea of water babies swimming and cuddling under water.

On another note to the fact that species like Kushiban exist???? Imagine tiny doors and corridors that used to be used by mouse droids but they became so useful to tiny Jedi so they got taken over. Just imagine that.

Bartering markets where Jedi trade things, mostly things they get on missions or are given to them as gifts, nothing goes to waste so they find a proper place for all gifts and extras here.

Cooking classes. Obi-Wan has been kicked out of all of them his cooking is so bad. Anakin claims bullshit he loves Master’s cooking! But then, he also eats worms…

Anyways. Y’all too single minded with this shit. It just be all ‘cafeteria, living quarters, healing halls and archives’ with you guys. Where is the culture. Where is the acknowledgment of multiple species all living in the same area taking place in a culture of peace and galactic exploration???? Give them a liquor store idgaf.

[aayakashii]

got very depressed today and ended up writing a very self-indulgent comfort fic that now I will make everyone's problem ヽ(*´∀`)人(´∀`*)ﾉ

featuring 🫵you🫵, Peekaboo, and special guest Sagara Haru. It's fluff, tooth rotting fluff again. I am just a girl.

soft beats to feed your baby anomaly to

Your fingers tapped against your chin as you stood in the middle of the Jabberwock kitchen, eyes scanning all the pots that were scattered around the counter and shelves, way too wary to actually rummage through them with your hands.

“Baby formula… baby formula… baby formula…” you muttered repeatedly, as you read every label of every container, until your eyes stopped at an inconspicuous pot with no label.

Stepping closer, you opened the lid, and was met with a crumpled bag of baby formula stuffed inside.

“God, I would never find this if I only relied on the labels” you said, huffing, pulling the bag out and walking back to the living room.

A small bottle with boiled water was ready, on top of a small stool, right beside a crib that contained a very hungry and very impatient Peekaboo.

“Found it, Peekaboo!” you said, triumphantly, and slumped on the floor, bringing the stool closer.

“I can now make your bottle and feed you! I'm sorry it took so long, but you gotta tell your dad that his kitchen is a mess.” you rambled, as you began to scoop the baby formula and put it carefully in the bottle. Peekaboo chirped in what seemed like agreement with you.

As you quietly kept scooping small amounts of the powder, you finally relaxed, humming the tune to a song that was stuck in your head for the past week. At this, Peekaboo's ears twitched and perked up, and he waddled closer to you.

“Okay, done!” You finished shaking the bottle to mix the contents and Peekaboo immediately raised his little arms towards you.

“You want uppies?” you said, smiling as you noticed his expectant face. “Okay, let's give you uppies.”

With a groan (Peekaboo was heavier than he seemed), you picked him up and began to bring the bottle towards his mouth, until his arms patted your hand, pushing the bottle away.

“What's up, baby? I thought you were hungry” you asked, confused.

Peekaboo kept flailing his arms, pointing to the bottle and to you, clearly trying to communicate something.

“I'm sorry love, I don't know what you mean…”

His little face scrunched up, as he wiggled on your arms and booped your mouth and then the bottle.

“You want me to drink from the bottle too?!”

He shook his whole body, growling impatiently. For a moment, he stared at you, as if he was thinking about how he could convey his message in a way that you would understand. After a few seconds, he chirped his usual sounds, but tried hard to mimic the melody you were humming a few moments before.

“Oh! You want me to sing for you while I feed you?” you guessed.

His little face lit up, and he nodded fiercely.

“Okay, okay, but er… I'm not a very good singer, honey” you replied, apologetic despite his excitement.

Peekaboo growled, showing his huge sharp teeth and you knew there was no bargaining with a spoiled anomalous animal.

“Fineeee, fine! Okay, I'll sing, but you have to promise me you'll drink your bottle and not bite me, okay?” you sighed.

Peekaboo nodded happily again, chirping and extending his stubby little arms to the bottle.

As you titled the bottle to his mouth, his red, shiny eyes looked at you expectantly. You cleared your throat and began to murmur the lyrics to the song.

Stars shinin' bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you”

Peekaboo frowned and tapped your throat, clearly ordering you to sing louder. You sighed heavily again, shaking your head in defeat, and raised your voice.

Birds singin' in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me

You began to sway gently, careful not to make Peekaboo sick with the movement.

Say, "Nighty-night" and kiss me

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me

While I'm alone and blue as can be

Dream a little dream of me

The little bunny-like anomaly closed his eyes, gulping his food and peacefully enjoying the slow swaying of your body, feeling relaxed in your arms.

Stars fadin'–

You cleared your throat again, as your voice cracked trying to reach the higher tune, but Peekaboo seemed to pay no mind to how out of tune you sounded sometimes.

Stars fadin’ but I linger on, dear

Still cravin' your kiss

I'm longin' to linger 'til dawn, dear

Just saying this

The bottle was quickly emptying as you clumsily sang and danced with the small animal in your arms, and, in your concentration, you failed to notice a flash of red appearing on one of the corridors.

Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you

Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you

But in your dreams, whatever they be

Dream a little dream of me

You hummed the ad-lib part of the song as Peekaboo downed the last bit of the bottle, still moving slowly and carefully as he yawned in your arms.

Stars fadin' but I linger on, dear

Still cravin' your kiss

I'm longing to linger 'til dawn, dear

Just saying this

Your voice didn't crack this time, and you put Peekaboo against your shoulder, giving little taps against his back in order to help with his digestion – a little burp coming out of his mouth making you giggle as you sang.

Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you

Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you

But in your dreams, whatever they be

Dream a little dream of me

As you finished the song, Peekaboo ended up fast asleep on your arms, and you kept humming and dancing, all while completely unaware of how Haru observed the scene, hidden behind one of the pillars of the living room.

The red-headed blushed furiously, his hand covering his mouth in order to hide a smile that was so big that could light up stadiums upon stadiums.

“Isn't that good, Peekaboo? We finally got you the other mom I've always wanted for you!!” he thought to himself, pumping his fist victoriously in the air, as wedding bells ringed into his mind after seeing the domestic scene unravel in front of him. He hadn't even confessed nor invited you to a single date, but after that, he knew he couldn't wait any longer.

[yurinaa-world]

Can I request an Part two of Argenti x fem Vash like reader and maybe x Boothill too? Like since Argenti met Vash reader what if they meet Boothill too? Like how he was trying to find Vash reader due to their bounty over their head and finally found them when Argenti gave them a gun to vash reader from the last interaction with Argenti and Vash reader, this can be the reason why Argenti and Boothill fought for each other about how they fight over who tried to capture Vash reader when the readers goal was saving many lives as possible and stoping their twin brother knives (knives is the very reason why Vash reader has a bounty over their head because knives made it convincing that Vash reader stole smithing sand murder others when it’s actually Knives that did that)

(It is said that Boothill met Argenti and caused some heat between the two so I assumed the two became enemies😭, you can ignore this if you’d like and also take your time and be sure to hydrate!!!)

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈: Boothill & Argenti x Female reader

𝒮𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: with a reader that like Vash

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: fluff, spelling mistakes,

𝒫𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈: post

𝐵𝑜𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓁𝓁 "𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝒶𝓁𝒶𝓍𝓎 𝑅𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇𝓈"

The second he sees that bounty on your head, he wants you. He never missed a target, never! You ain’t nothing special either, pretty face with a high bounty. He doesn't mind any mouse and cat chase with you, you better hope you’re running fast.

He’s gotten you a couple of times but you're always escaping by matter of luck and mistakes. The galaxy rangers make fun of him, saying if he ever caught you he should try his luck on a lottery ticket.

You’re just pulling his boot but he’s got ya. You're distracted by that redhead knight, just don’t move and let his bullet go right through yer’ without any pain, quick and easy for everyone.

Until that dunce of a knight grabs you and pulls you away just at the right second. Now he’s just gotten himself some more work to do. You run along with that Prince Charming of yours holding him off, He doesn't get any time for this bull. 

He’ll take the loss this time but he’s gonna be on tail til’ you’re backed up in the corner with your tail between your legs.

That knight ain’t telling him nothin’ either, all that’s coming out from his mouth is flowery trash. Makes him wanna feed that knight some led

Till he found your little self in a bar with some angry men around you and they have a bone to pick with you.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Come guys! Let’s talk things out first!”

Putting your hands up to surrender, while a group of men surrounds you—all of them are angry and you’re not getting out of here Scot free.

“How bout’ we sell her piece by piece?” One of the men brought up an idea that made everyone else laugh but made you shiver to your core. “That isn’t necessary!” “Yea, gentlemen, that ain’t necessary cuz’ she gonna be my catch.” 

Shots just started piercing through everything like a madman was given a machine gun. You just book it towards the behind-the-bar—glass shatters around you as you run— the adrenaline in your body doesn’t want you to stop.

“Move 'n I’ll shoot yer brains out too.”

You just completely stop the track, hearing his gun click he was going to shoot and there isn’t any way you're getting out of this either. The cold barrel of the gun against the back of your neck.

“Come on, let’s just talk this out of you���“You slowly turned your head, before he smashed you to the side, against the wall with a gun right between your eyebrows. “Yeah, talkin' it out like good ol buds, sorry but I gotta bounty to collect. It’s money, not ya”

“Haha….” You feel sweat dripping from your forehead, the gun being pressed more in between your eyebrows as if to prove a point. “Come on, it doesn't have to be that depressing! Not everything has to do with money.”

“Neither does it have to end up in people getting shot up—“  

You shove him roughly to the side, fast but not fast enough for you to avoid the bullet going through your body—catching him completely off guard. What are you stupid or just that selfless—sharp bang echoes fill the air. 

The flaming sharp pain in your shoulder, makes the adrenaline run off the walls in your head. Your knees weaken, collapsing onto the ground, body hunching over. Your hand clutches the coat where the bullet tore into, warm blood rapidly soaking through. Every breath just felt like you’re last. Gasping for air like a man who’s drowning in the big ocean.

He doesn’t get it at all, that bullet would’ve gone straight through and probably killed him, no it would have killed him. Yet after shots were fired and everyone was lying limp on the ground, he turned back to have gone with a trail of small drops of blood following.

Guess he was unlucky today.

In another universe you kiss, have a happy family and live without worries because I said so

𝒜𝓇𝑔𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾 "��𝒽𝑒 𝒦𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝐵𝑒𝒶𝓊𝓉𝓎"

Argenti is bae. Like he saw you around a couple of times, helping people and keeping them safe and how can he not find that respectable? Like is knight, not someone who is the most selfless even without amour.

Forget the bounty bae, you're his bae now(jk). He finds you so gentle that he can’t even come close to taking you away. 

Seeing kids surrounding you, telling you all about their days and interests all at the same time like you’re the heavenly woman he’s ever witnessed. You’re blessing him with your presence near him.

But seriously he’s most of the time just seen you injured, and it’s pretty obvious when you try not to. Taking shallow breaths, grunting in pain, having a hard time leaning down or just the expression of wanting to die when you’re alone.

Yet he doesn’t understand when he tries to help you out that you start telling it’s fine and he should get off his knee. A warrior fighting for others shouldn’t go without some reward, to allow him to help with injuries. One look. Just one.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Even under the gaze of the bright sun and in pain, your beauty is breathtaking.”

Sitting on wood with your back against the old wood of the box, creaking every minute with newspaper on your face blocking out the sunlight as you try to deal with the terrible pain in your shoulder—even with the bullet out and bandaged up, the pain was just worsening— “Huh?…” you take the newspaper from your face to get a good look at who was there.

“Ah…before you decide to arrest me…we…should talk out Mr knight!” You look at him nervously, knowing you probably wouldn’t be able to get out of this with your injury. 

You don’t have glasses on, why now? You try to move your arm around to see where your glasses go. You can’t just leave without them! 

“A knight doesn’t attack the innocent. Especially one with honour such as yours.”

“Yeah ....I wouldn’t say I would have honour, it's more like I just want to be as helpful as I can.”

Glasses? Where are those glasses? “Your eyewear.” He’s just holding it right in front of you, “Allow me.” Put it gently on your face before going on your knees. 

“What are you doing?!”

“Allow me to treat your injuries.”

“No, no, that's completely fine!”

“I insist, allow me to be in the grace of your beauty.”

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[dr-spectre]

WE DID IT!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!! This is such a big milestone. Halfway until 1000 followers... that's absolutely insane!!

This will be the last follower update until we reach 1000. But, I wanna share something special with you all and get rather personal...

So, about a year ago, I wanted to learn how to draw because I was feeling depressed about "not being productive enough." Basically I got sucked into the bullshit productivity self help stuff that wants to turn your life into a cold calculated work obsessed nightmare, rather than living in the moment due to fear mongering about the future and how "if you don't grind now you WILL be a failure and die alone and get no pussy." (No wonder I picked Team Present for the Grand Fest...)

Plus I dropped out of uni at the time and welp, to put it lightly, I was feeling fucking god awful and I was scared into basically "putting in the hard work" by all these self help channels and other bullshit online. Whatever the FUCK that vague shit means, my autistic brain still doesn't get it.

It was BY FAR the worst period of my life, but, at least I tried to do SOMETHING. And I wanna show you all some of the things that I drew last year....

This was between October 2023 to February 2024. I stopped drawing due to it causing me much frustration and anger.

So yeah! Uh... enjoy?

So.... not the best work you've seen, right? HAHAHAHAHA!

Would you freak out if I told you that I got upset and damaged a book and a fan because I got so mad at myself over not being able to draw or do anything right?...

I feel like this ain't for me, and you know what? That's okay! I've learnt that it's okay to try new things, it's okay to experiment and if shit doesn't work then it doesn't work. Plain and simple. It's perfectly fine to give up and try something else.

You are not a robot, you are a human being. Don't feel like you "gotta do something everyday otherwise you'll die alone and you'll be broke and you'll never be successful and you'll be forgotten!!"

Do feel pressured to feel like you have to "find your thing" or "be productive" or whatever kind of... heh.... BRAINWASHING you hear online.

I wanted to draw because I was jealous of others, including my friends who are skilled artists... and I did it for the wrong reasons which is why I stopped in February.

I am very happy that I've decided to actually focus on what i like doing and what gives me energy. A quote that has stuck with me for years now is a quote by Jordan Peele from an interview, and it's basically this-

"Follow the fun." And you know what? He's right. Following what gives you that good good boost of dopamine while also feeling like you're accomplishing something is one of the best feelings EVER!!!! Whether it's art, writing, modelling, sculpting, architecture, making music, acting, clay sculptures, etc. FOLLOW THE FUN!! FOLLOW THE SHIT THAT EXCITES YOU!!! I literally always have multiple projects spiralling around in my head all the time and cycling between them at every given moment.

I'm not even saying do only what makes you comfortable or be lazy either, do shit that makes you go "BRING IT ON!!!! I WANNA DO THIS!!!" Get that blood pumping!!! Challenge yourself fairly!!!! There's healthy and unhealthy stress. Healthy stress should make you feel like a fucking PREDATOR!!! AN ANIMAL ON THE HUNT!!! While unhealthy stress makes you feels like you're the prey, the one who's being chased by an unknown force that's out to get you!!

I feel like I'm kinda rambling... anyways!!! ENOUGH WITH THE INSPIRATIONAL BULLSHIT!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! 99% of you have been awesome and incredible!!!

It's also been an honor to get to know so many people who feel the same way as I do about a certain squid lady and her best friends.... before I went onto tumblr I genuinely felt so alone and so insane. I felt isolated, I felt like no one saw these characters the way that I do... I thought my perspective of a certain squid lady and her rebel phase was invalided and false... But now I know that I have people who have my back and understand what I'm trying to express...

One final time, thank you. I'll keep going.

STAY FRESH!!!!!!!!!!

[thezombieprostitute]

Unwanted - Part 3

Summary: Your life is no longer yours. You've been forced into becoming a different species of human. Bought and paid for, what can you do but follow orders and obey your Alpha?

Warnings: Allusions to surgery, human trafficking, kidnapping; Angst; Depression; Suicidal thoughts. Let me know if I missed any!

A/N: Reader is described as big & tall, is female. No other descriptors required.

Part 2 -- Part 4

Unfortunately, upon landing, you found it was another empty promise from Ari. Instead of a meet and greet, like you expected, you were escorted into what looked like an interrogation room, but slightly less scary. Ari sends Johnny to get you some water while he sets up a recorder and notebook.

"We need to get some information from you," he tells you flatly. "You have inside knowledge of Hansen and Kemp's operation that we can use to save others. So please tell me everything that happened. Spare no detail." You give him a pained look and he sighs. "I know you've been through a lot, and not just today. But this information could save a lot of other lives from having to go through what you did. Or at least save them from being tortured to death by the process."

"For someone who smells like fire you can be ice cold," you snap at him.

"I'm trying to save people," he growls.

"By fucking things up for others," you snarl. "I was kidnapped off the street, a bag thrown over my head, by the man you called Hansen. I know because I recognized his voice earlier today. He had a lot of not-so-nice things to say about me and my body. But that's nothing compared to what happened when he gave me to Dr. Kemp. It was operation after operation after operation. My body didn't always have time to heal between them! I was in pain all the time! I was crying for someone, anyone to come help me and I'd just get laughed at by him! I couldn't breathe, couldn't stop hurting, couldn't...I couldn't..." you collapse into a ball on the floor, gently rocking and holding yourself like you did in your cell. Your world turns dark as you pass out.

You wake up wrapped in the arms of a woman with red hair and green eyes. Her scent makes you think of a river, slowly, but successfully, changing the environment around it by always moving. It's oddly comforting, but that could also be the fact that you're being held. In the background you're vaguely aware of a shouting match.

You try to lift your head to get a better sense of things but the woman gently places her palm on your forehead, "it's okay. You've been through a lot. More than you should have. Just get some rest for now."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Nat," she smiles. "I'm the lead Omega, for lack of a better term. I'm responsible for all the Omegas in the community, yourself included. You were supposed to be brought directly to me but apparently Ari didn't want to wait for you to catch your breath before pushing you too far." She looks towards the shouting match and you can hear a small growl in her voice. "Thankfully Johnny let us know what was going on and Steve, my Alpha, and the Pack Alpha, is putting Ari in his place."

"I think I understood what you're saying..."

She smiles at you again, "don't worry. We'll get you properly taken care of and the social aspects can be learned later. Right now, we gotta focus on your well-being. Do you think you can stand up? Walk with me to the kitchen area? If not, we can either keep laying here or I can get someone to carry you there."

You snort, "no one can carry me so easily." She makes a noise and shrugs her shoulders in a way that indicates it might not be so clear cut. "Do I actually have a choice in this?"

"Of course you do," she affirms. "You will always have a say in what happens to you."

Tears start pouring again, "I think I just want to be held for a while longer. If that's okay."

"I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't okay," she assures as she gives you a gentle squeeze.

Part 2 -- Part 4

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82; @peyton-warren; @ronearoundblindly; @startcarvingdarling

[theemissuniverse]

HOW DARE YOU!!! WHAT DID KUNG LAO DO TO YOU TO DESERVE THAT ANGSTY ASS PIECE???? HELLO, I DEMAND A SECOND, THIRD, ALL THE PARTS AND HE GETS Y/N BACK BC WHAT THE FUCK!!!! IMA KNOCK YOU OUT, IM FEELING SO MANY THINGS RN!!!!

“MEANT TO BE” KUNG LAO X FEM!READER PART 2

This is part 1

A/N : LMAOOO NOT YALL THREATENING ME. I’m going to make a part 3 next

WARNINGS : still angsty

MASTERLIST 1 , MASTERLIST 2

There was a massive change in Kung Lao’s performance. When training, Kung Lao was actually letting Raiden beat him. That was when they knew things were bad.

Raiden slams Kung Lao down to the ground and Kung Lao had emotionless expression on his face. Raiden sighs. “You have to actually try, Lao.”

“What’s the point?”

Raiden helped Kung Lao up. Johnny and Kenshi both wandered to them. Johnny pats Kung Lao on the shoulder. “Why don’t you take five buddy?” Kung Lao shrugged and walked over to sit on the bench. “Okay…this is not good.”

“I’ve never seen him so upset over a woman before.” Raiden said. “He’s used to getting rejected.”

“Yeah well, they have been dating for awhile.” Kenshi stated. “What happened again? Kitana kissed Kung Lao?”

“Yes, but he didn’t kiss her back. I don’t think (Y/N) believes him.”

“We gotta get them back together.” Johnny said. “They’re meant to be together. I mean she’s the reason why Lao is actually tolerable now.”

Raiden nodded. “That is true…” The three turned their attention to Kung Lao who was holding the necklace he gave you. “I have a feeling this will get worse.”

Liu Kang walked over to them. When he noticed you weren’t around he was a bit confused. He looked over to Kung Lao. “Kung Lao, where is (Y/N)?”

“No, no, no!” The three shouted but it was too late.

Kung Lao started to cry again as he stared at the necklace. “I don’t know. Probably happier without me.”

The three sighed and Liu Kang looked confused. “What did I do?”

“(Y/N) broke up with Kung Lao.” Raiden explained.

Liu Kang had a look of sympathy. “That is unfortunate. I would’ve thought it not possible.”

When he said that, Johnny gave him a curious look. “What makes you say that?”

“In every timeline that I know of, the two are bound to be together.”

“If that’s the case then this is probably just a petty break.” Kenshi said.

“It is unlikely. (Y/N) does not tend to go back to relationships she deems as unfit for her.”

“What do we do?” Johnny asked the two. “We gotta get them back together. I can’t see him cry like this.”

They all turned their attention back at Kung Lao who was still sobbing with the necklace.

Raiden hated seeing Kung Lao like this. He was his best friend and it was just completely out of character. He didn’t know if Kung Lao would be okay without you. “Lord Liu Kang, where does (Y/N) stay at?” When Liu Kang looked unsure to say, Raiden felt the need to beg him. “Please Lord Liu Kang. You told me that in the other timeline, the roles were reversed. You were Kung Lao’s best friend. Which means that you know that him being like this is scary. Scary to me. Please.”

He had a point. Liu Kang knew that. He was in Raiden’s shoes at one point which meant he knew exactly what was going on with Kung Lao. It would take a lot to pull him out of the depression. “Alright.”

When the three arrived at the house, they were confused. It was a really beaten down house in a bad neighborhood. You just didn’t seem like the type to live there.

“You sure we got the right place?” Johnny asked unsure of the area.

“We did.” Raiden simply said and knocked on the door.

The three waited patiently until the door was opened. “I don’t want your Girl Scout cookies-“ You stopped yourself when you had seen it was your three friends.

You looked like a mess. You had a dinghy robe on. You looked like you were dead. You had dried up ice cream around your lips.

“Sheesh. Break up face is not a good look on you.” Johnny said.

You huffed a little. “How the hell did you guys find me?”

Before anyone could say anything, you heard your mother speaking in the background. “Who’s at the door sweetie?”

“No one, mama!” You tried saying but it was too late. Your mother was already coming to the door in her wheelchair.

“Are you (Y/N)’s friends? I’m so glad you’ve finally stopped by. I was a little worried thinking she didn’t have any friends. Come on in.”

You sighed at your mother for having a big heart and opened your door wider so they could walk in.

When the three walked in, they weren’t expecting how small your house actually was. It was actually very neat and tidy.

They walked in further and saw a little girl, about eight years old running around the house. “No running! How many times do I have to tell you?” You yelled at your little sister.

Your sister, Presley, didn’t reply. She just looked at the men behind you. “Ooh. Are one of these boys your boyfriend?”

You hit her upside the head slightly before sitting on the couch. “No. And I don’t have a boyfriend anymore.”

“Wasn’t your boyfriend a descendant of a champion? And you broke up with him?” Presley said as if she couldn’t believe it.

You grabbed the ice cream that was on the table and sat back on the couch. “Go away. Play with dolls or something.”

Presley was about to walk out of the room until she reached to Johnny. She smiled brightly at him. “Hi. My name is Presley. I’ll be legal in 10 years if you wanna wait for me.”

Johnny laughed at what she said. You took off your slipper and threw it at her and she ran away. “Out!”

“Kids have low standards.” Kenshi said and Johnny smacked his shoulder.

You let out an annoyed grunt. “Sit down I guess or whatever. Mama, that’s Raiden, Johnny, and Kenshi.” You said, pointing at each one.

Johnny sat on your left side while Kenshi sat on your right. Raiden sat on a chair that was nearby.

Your mother came into the room and wheeled to you. She set a plate of cookies on the table. “I’d figure Earthrealm’s greatest fighters are hungry.”

“Sweet. Cookies.” Johnny grabbed a cookie off the plate and immediately started to eat it.

Raiden smiled at her. “Thank you, Ms. (L/N).”

“Oh please. Call me, Mama (L/N).”

“Mom. I love you but please go away. Forever.” You told her while eating the ice cream.

“Alright now. I’m just glad you’re being social.” Your mother said while going off into a different room. “And don’t be eating all my ice cream!”

Everyone turned their attention towards you. “You wanna tell me why you’re at my house intruding on my misery?” You asked them.

“(Y/N), we need you to snap out of this funky depression and go back to Kung Lao.” Johnny told you.

You scoffed. “Why would I do that?”

“Well for one, you’re obviously depressed.”

“I’ll get over it.”

“(Y/N), you’re eating ice cream out of the carton.”

You shrugged. “So?”

Raiden decided to speak. “According to Liu Kang in every timeline, you and Kung Lao end up together. That has to mean something right?”

“It will just be the first time this has happened then.”

“I can’t accept that.”

You sighed a little. You put your feet on the table and ate more of your ice cream. “What’s the point? He’ll find somebody better no way.”

Kenshi decided to chip in. “In Kung Lao’s world, there is no better. There’s only you.”

“Well he’s stupid because there is.”

That’s when Raiden thought about it for a moment. You had to be more upset about something. There was something else to all of this. “You’re not that upset about the kiss are you? Because he didn’t kiss her back. You’re upset about something else. What is it?” When he saw you stop eating ice cream, he knew he was nailing it. “What are you afraid of?”

You placed the spoon back in the carton and sighed to yourself. You couldn’t even meet him in his eyes because you were embarrassed. “What if he finds out the real me?”

“What’s the real you?” Kenshi asked.

“This house. My family. Everything is just so…different from his world.”

Raiden stood up from the chair and sat directly between you and Kenshi. “(Y/N), trust me, Kung Lao is the last guy to care about any of that.”

“Not to be that guy but he’s not exactly Mr. Millionaire himself.” Johnny added.

Raiden placed a hand over your shoulder. “He loves you for you and he’ll keep loving you. None of that matters.”

The feeling of regret consumed you. Did you make the biggest mistake of your life? What if you could never have him again?

Tears started to come out of your eyes. “Well it doesn’t matter because it’s over. Kitana won. She can have him.” You got up from the couch and walked into your room before closing the door.

The three of them sighed in unison. “Now what?” Johnny asked.

“We have convince Kung Lao he still has a shot.” Raiden said. “We have to tell him the truth. That (Y/N) believes she’s unworthy of him.”

“Okay, what about the Kitana thing?” Kenshi asked.

Johnny thought for a moment before the idea came to his head. “Raiden, go to Kung Lao and get into his head. Kenshi and I will go to Outworld to talk to Kitana.”

Raiden looked unsure. “You really think that’s going to work?”

“It has to.”

[acurtist]

Irritating Character Tropes:

1. Meddler: Had to share explosive commentary about everything and everyone.

2. Gossip-monger: Make up stories and spread them far and wide like a virus.

3. Riddler: Speaks in puzzles and keeps people on toes the hidden meanings in their tales.

4. Jester: Everything and everyone is a joke. Must crack a few ones to earn them wages.

5. Rat hole: Has to sneak in in nook and crannies like a rat to uncover secrets.

6. Interrogator: Wouldn't stop asking same questions with different angles.

7. Petty Thief: Kleptomaniac and pickpocket extraordinaire.

8. Quarreler: Need to pick a fight about everything and anything.

9. Idiot: Speaks out of turn, doesn't know what they are talking about.

10. Lame Poet: Make everyone suffer with their awful compositions.

11. Liar: Conjures up lies out of thin air without skipping a heartbeat.

12. Plotter: Manipulative, calculative, untrustworthy, and narcissistic.

13. Personality Divergent: Sucks living daylights and happiness from people around them.

14. Chaotic: Unorganized messy scatterbrain.

15. Peeping Tom: Needs jail time.

16. Impersonator: Either mentally disturbed or suffering from insecurities.

17. Man child: Regardless of gender acts like a child that needs supervision and extra attention.

18. Foul-mouthed: Starts and ends every sentence with one cursive word or the other.

19. Daydreamer: Always have head stuck in cloud and couldn't focus for more than 5 minutes.

20. Overzealous: Strict adherence to authority figures. Will not hesitate to commit crimes.

21. Righteous Prick: Nothing they do can be wrong or at fault.

22. Existentialist: Make others depressed with their annoying cynicism.

23. Overly-enthusiastic Schmuck: Out of touch with real world and impervious to any challenges. Thinks goodwill is enough resource and help.

24. Undoctor: Has a home remedy for every disease and ailment. Usually a chain-smoker with a protruding belly.

25. Know-it-all: Grammar Nazi, encyclopedia, general knowledge enthusiastic. Insufferable.

26. Geek: Lack of boundaries and respect for privacy.

27. Dare Devil: Needs to get hurt before setting anyone else on fire.

28. Psychoanalyst: Wouldn't shut up about what you actually think, need, and want.

29. Fortune-teller: Spew nonsense out their ass and present it as divine revelation.

30. Manufacturer: Breaks more things than repairs.

31. Conspiracy Theorist: Busy in organizing telepathic peace talks with president and alien civilization.

32. Over-committed Logician: Acts like a machine until an emotional explosions.

33. Otaku/Fic Connoisseur: Spoilers spoliers everywhere.

34. Drama Queen: Nonstop emotional blackmailer.

35. Fatphobic: Anorexic, suffering from health and psychological issues.

36. Glutton: Overweight, hates skinny people. Could use some exercise.

I mean the list doesn't ends. I can honestly think of just as many more of these.

Gotta add them all!

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts   ━ from various tv shows, part 13

i need a life away from death.

you are so cute when you theorize.

i’m kidding myself to believe you’re really open to being with someone as open as me.

i think it might be too late for you.

not a lot of people wanted to take a shot on me right now.

i don’t date. i don’t even know where to start.

fuck what you wanted.

you have a gun. why won’t you use it?

there she is. there’s the fucking killer.

i’m so done with trying to be more. 

you raised me from the dead.

everyone wanted to get out of here. you at least had a shot.

i’ll figure something out. but i’ll figure it out alone.

i’m uninterested in letting the past define me.

i’m not gonna ask you for help. i’m not gonna ask you for anything.

you know i wouldn’t say no. not to you.

will you two just make out already? get it over with.

we do not have to stay here.

i don’t wanna be me anymore. 

i am so sorry, but i need your help.

i feel like i’m hanging on by a thread here.

this will be so fun. a little slumber party.

we’ve both done terrible things, but we’ve done them for each other.

can’t tell if it’s been 20 minutes or 8 hours.

when it really comes down to it, you’re like… wallpaper.

are you mad at me now?

we don’t have to be friends for me to make sure you’re okay.

don’t you just assume that i’ll go along with whatever you say.

i never really thought of us as a “we.”

if i’m the right person, i think it’s supposed to be easy.

closing your eyes to reality doesn’t change anything, it just makes you blind.

we’re just two tired, shitty people who needed to feel something.

i don’t think he’s ever talked to a woman in a hoodie before.

i’m not gonna make you pay rent. i kicked you out.

you’ve got your own life, and i’m taking up too much space in it.

you can’t rise above something if it’s eating you up inside.

up until 20 minutes ago, i didn’t know i liked you.

i’ve never been confused about the fact that i’m a piece of shit.

does that make her a murderer, or just… quirky?

so i’m not normal because i want to live my life the way i want to?

turns out i’m actually good at doing terrible things to people who have it coming to them.

sometimes taking the high road is overrated. especially if it’s driving you crazy.

you keep coming back alive, don’t you?

if this is you broken, stay broken. 

maybe we can die alone together.

i’ve done some shit. i’m like a monster now. i hurt people. 

i just risk everything, so that afterwards, when it’s done, i just die alone.

you think i can pull off big and violent?

can we just talk for a minute and i’ll fuck off after if you want?

i am realizing i used to think you were kind of stupid.

what the hell are you supposed to do if you can’t close your eyes and picture a better life?

do you ever think about trying to have just a little bit of fun?

i just need to be depressed and alone.

i was in some sort of delusional state last year.

it’s only when you’re alone that the real haunting begins.

i’m just here because i’m so fucking supportive.

oh, i see. you’re funny all the time now.

something great happened to me, and that’s all i care about.

i think you know i think you’re pretty.

from where i’m sitting, you wanted someone to listen and nod and agree with you.

do not fucking follow me.

you can’t live in fear. you gotta be honest with yourself.

i’m always impressed with how you can make nothing to do with you all about you.

we’re in that mutually assured destruction territory now, yeah? 

actually, i just wasn’t having any fun.

just take care of yourself. alright? and i’ll do the same.

we’ll be depressed together because i am not leaving you here alone.

i had a stupid fight with someone.

basically, i was embarrassed.

you blew up my life. was that just for fun?

i’m trying to be less of an idiot now.

if you do not stop smiling at me like that, then i’m gonna have to kiss you. 

are you gonna be this romantic all year?

like it or not, you have a way of bringing people together.

what scares me even more is that i need you.

why don’t we just be scared together?

i think… i think i cheated.

today’s the worst day that i’ve had in a decade.

fuck that, i am not leaving you here.

i’m always ready to lie to an adult.

you’re only honest when it serves you. 

i don’t have the energy to pretend to be nice.

damn, you make it hard not to love you.

sometimes looking the part is more important than what’s really going on.

so if we hate each other so much, then why do we keep ending up in the same fucking room?

i am a walking shit show. i’ve let people down multiple times.

that kiss was just me fucking things up like i always do. nothing more.

there’s so much anger between us. maybe that’s how it’s always gonna be.

you don’t know me like that.

are you always this fucking helpful?

your skin glows like your heart holds a piece of the sun.

do you always change the subject when things get complicated?

[deberiaestarescribiendo]

Beg the sea for mercy (Sailor!Joelx Mermaid Reader)

They say the sea has some power over souls. It understands something that lies underneath flesh and bones, and it sings a song that appeals to those who are wounded.

Pairing: Sailor!Joel MillerxMermaid Reader

(The mermaid is described but it is a humanoid creature and for the most the aspects of her described are the more "creature" parts of her than physical description, once she's a human, she is not described except for being curvier and having hair) Joel calls her "girl" and she has her own POV in some parts

Themes and warnings: sea (a little bit of talasophobia I guess), depression, alcohol and drug comsuption, bodily horror, breeding "kink" not to give much away but the mermaid needs Joel for something. Smut but not super detailed, blood and violence.

This came to me a few years ago with Florence+The Machine Mermaids ( final chapter is actually a verse of the song)and watching The Lighthouse. "Future Days" is included here and actually checking the lyrics it fitted perfectly but I know it can be controversial since in the game is a very important between Joel and Ellie.

Also on AO3

They say the sea has some power over souls. It understands something that lies underneath flesh and bones, and it sings a song that appeals to those who are wounded.

Far from the land and the people, its roars and constant changes remind humans that it cannot be controlled. The crashing of the waves and the boat fighting its way over them is like the sound inside his body: the blood running, the heart beating, the bones cracking, soft and constant.

Joel needs those sounds to believe that his heart is still beating, that he is still alive, even if it feels he had died many years ago.

The sea is a welcoming mistress for lost souls. At land, all he did was bury himself in pills and alcohol. He numbed his head so his thoughts would stop being of his daughter last breath, how fast she was breathing, her cries, his shirt wet, warm and sticky over his chest.

I know, baby, I know.

I gotta get you up, babygirl

He remembers getting her corpse up of the ground, and all Joel Miller was, was left in the puddle of her daughter’s blood on the grass. The man that lived after that was dead, a zombie.

Joel found the fact of having to get back to his old life unbearable. How would he be able to do the same things he did when Sarah was alive?

And after trying to kill himself and failing, he ran away. Doing dodgy works here and there, using his rage and muscle for whomever paid the most so he could get enough pills and whisky to pass out every night.

In the dark loop that his life had become, he found Cap. Nobody could tell how old he was or from where that thick accent could come from or even his real name. He called Joel kid which implied an older age, but he couldn’t point out if he was that much older than him.

He told him about his boat and their route to the pacific all the way down and back.

“8 months out, open sea and more money you will make in any other place”.

He got on the Perseus on Sarah’s birthday after swallowing a pill and a bottle of Jack. Cap looked at him up and down:

“Whatever you do after your shift is up to you. But on duty hours you stay sharp, kid”.

He did. Soon enough he didn’t feel his hands shaken and he could sleep almost soundly every night. The sea sang its song, the low hums of the machinery and the gentle waves, and he was rocked like a baby in a crib. He still drank each night. Sergey, part time cook and fisherman, served every meal with a shot of vodka.

“To keep you warm, strong.” He flexed his pale arm under the bright yellow overalls.

The nights at the edge of the world were long, too far away from land, any land, that Joel thought the sun would not rise again. For days he would wake up at 2 A.M and work up until midday, but the nets were coming empty.

“Fucking shit” he muttered after another day of nothing.

“Don’t curse at the sea, son, she will give her share when she’s ready. We just have to keep on begging”. Cap said and patted his back.

They were so far away; the radar never showed any passing ship.

The sky was so bright, Joel saw the Milky way for the first time. That white spur of cosmos full of stars brighter than any artificial light he had never seen before.

The sea was so calm the light drew silver lines over the soft waves, the soft push of them crushed against the boat, when he saw it.

A shadow, barely a head above water. If it weren’t for those silver lines, a glitch on the reflection of the sky above, he wouldn’t have seen it.

And as soon as he stepped closer to the edge, it disappeared.

That night the nets were once again empty. Before they let the machinery rewind them and throw them again, he found it. A perfect seashell, the conch turned on itself in a mix of pink like roses and white as the seafoam.

He grabbed it and put it on his pocket and didn’t get it out until he was on his bunk bed.

Joel touched its coarse exterior, the small waves made of years of the ocean’s erosion. The seashell had an opening on its middle, bright pink and soft to the touch almost like flesh. His calloused fingertips got over the opening tracing from the tip to the end. He could hear the sea coming from it and he fell asleep with it on his hand. Then the dreams started.

He dreamt he was underwater, as deep and black as the universe. His lungs were caving in, the water of the ocean filling him in its cold arms.

That’s when he saw her. His eyes searched for the moonlight that pierced the water on the reflection of her fins. They were silver with a shade of black. In the darkness he could distinguish her shape, long, longer than any animal he had seen. She propelled herself with her tail and pushed the water with her arms. She danced around him ignoring that he was dying, for a moment he thought that maybe that was what she e waited for. She turned and spin almost like she was having fun of his suffering.

In his dream, he reached for her, beg even if words could not come out of his mouth. She came, a cloud of silver and darkness of her hair. She grabbed him from his waist, hard so hard Joel expelled all his oxygen. He screamed but she grabbed his jaw, sharp nails scratching his skin.

She was a vision. Something human and not at the same time. Her eyes were all black, bigger in her head, her skin was cold and soft even if a bit viscous, her lips were pale, and she opened her mouth. Was it a smile? And her teeth where sharp, white as pearls. She sealed her lips to him, and he tasted blood. He fought against her, but she was stronger. Her hand pressed against his nape when he felt her nails scratching his scalp.

He was too tired, too close to hypoxia and then he felt the air, sweet and cold, that she was transferring, under her ears, her gills opened and closed.

She held him, her nails didn’t pierce him anymore but cradle his head, he felt his heart slowing down and then the siren woke him up. It was time for another shift.

The dream came to him every night, and every night he had to get through the agony of dying before he could touch her, each night he fought less and less, until weeks after finding the conch, he submerged himself in the depth of the sea fearlessly, open arms waiting for her to come save him.

“You got your head elsewhere, kid” Joel had read the captain lips, but he signed his cancelling noise headset.

The captain repeated the same sentence until Joel rolled his eyes and he knew he had understood him.

The red light on top of the ceiling and the deep siren alerted them to step out as the boat open its vault to welcome the nets. For weeks they had come empty, but that night the cables were tense teasing that they had a great catch for once.  From the black waters, the bodies of thousands of fish jumped in silver.

Sergey and the captain cheered.

“She blessed us, I told you, kid” “We just need to keep on begging and now we thank her”.

The captain stepped on the nets over the slugs and small conches. He got close to the edge, Joel crossed fast to stop him, but the old man kneeled on the edge, getting a knife from his boot, he slashed his hand and raised to the moon, the blood fell black as if they were tears from the sky above. Joel heard him pray.

Thank you for providing us with such a bounty. We are thankful for your gifts, let us go back safely to shore.

Sergey shook his head and muttered “Crazy”

After all the fish were put on refrigeration, they gathered in the kitchen, the guys from the AM shift too as Captain had granted a day off for everybody. Sergey took the opportunity to cook a special meal and open his best vodka, the one he kept on a locked cabinet. “For special occasions only” he poured the shots and served each man a generous ration of a fish stew.

“Who did you thank back there?” Joel asked, the captain had cured his hand with badges that had an already a faint maroon stain on them.

“The sea, son, who else?” he chuckled.

“You cut your hand for the sea?” Joel raised an eyebrow and pointed to the wounded hand.

“You are new, you will learn. The sea is not made for us to stay and pillage. You have to give something back if you want to be blessed “

“Is some kind of religion or what?

“Don’t be a fool. There are many gods on the land, and none will show their power as the sea does. She will teach you quickly not to bother her or mock her, son”.

“Is a she then, a goddess?”

“Are you mocking me, kid?” the captain through his spoon on his plate and the rest of the men looked at them.

“I’m just curious as to why you will cut your hand”.

The storm arrived two days after. Joel tried to control his fear, his trembling hands when the sea turned grey and the waves covered the ship, again and again they hit higher. They had to get back to shore but the currents were too strong, they kept sending them deeper. There was no signal on the radio or radar. Isolated the days seemed eternal, they were completely covered most of the time, but sometimes, Joel could see the sky opening and the thunderstorm lighted up the stars. At night, for the briefest of time, the air was on fire when the lightnings stroke, he could see the dark waves coming as they hit the ship when it was pitched black.

One of those dark waves swallowed the ship whole eventually. When Joel fell  in the dark waters, the waves made impossible to hear the rest of the men or even to see them in the dark, once he was over one wave, another would drown him. The life jacket made him float up, but he could just take one small breath and the sea would push him down.

He was tired, exhausted in minutes and so He let go. And unlocked his lifejacket.

Let the sea take me. I want to go with my babygirl.

Sarah.

Sarah

He heard her, laughing, saw her killer smile in the stars calling back to him. For once all he remembered was not her dying and he knew it was time.

It wasn’t like in his dreams. The ocean was dark and cold. The currents too strong for him to even know what’s up and down. And soon he let the water in invade him with violence and somehow peace.

He remembered dark eyes glittering in a dark cave. If it wasn’t for the sand he touched and the air he felt, Joel would have sworn he had died and was falling still in the dark pitch of the ocean.

When those eyes approached him, he heard her crawl, creeping her wet and cold body over him. She reached for his chest with long nailed hands, each finger connected to the other by thin skin.

Joel heard his voice break when he tried to scream, but nothing came out but a pathetic whine.

The siren reached his head, those black pools staring at him, her mouth opened with sharp teeth. And then she posed her head on his chest and began singing. It pierced straight to his heart, through skin and bone and then his world in that tiny cave went silent. Only her voice could be heard, not his cries, not his heart or blood still running, not his pain or Sarah’s last breath, just the creature signing.

He woke up when light hit his eyes, bright and white against the clear stone. Sand on his feet and his hands, cold and grounding. He was alive.

“You are awake”.

He turned his head to his feet, scared to find the creature, instead a girl sat next to him. Naked if just for a thin throw she had tighten with a piece of rope. Joel tried to lift his body but his vision blurred and when he tried to speak his throat was dry and hurt.

“Here. Drink”

She kneeled before him and poured water on his lips. Sweet and cold, when the thin dribble stopped, he tried instinctively to raise for more.

“Not so fast”

“Please” he begged, when she raised her hands again, Joel saw she was holding his shell, that one he found on the boat. Its perfect pink spiral holding fresh water to his mouth, it was a dream. Maybe he was indeed drowning still, his braincells dying little by little with the lack of oxygen.

But the sand on his hands, the pain on his limbs felt so real.

“Rest” she pressed her palm on his chest “I bring more water”.

She raised, the white thin cloth hanging around her body, she went inside the cave where he could not see her. Joel tried to raise again this time, slower and surer, his arms finally feeling strong enough to press his palms on the ground. His vision was still blurry, and the light hit him too hard.

He inspected the cave, empty if it wasn’t for the improvised bed he was on, a pile of clothes, fading and harsh for the saltpetre, he found his shirt and pants and his fishing overalls, an another one, an another, an another. All from the Perseus.

“Here” the girl followed his gaze and put his hand on his shoulder “You need to rest”

“Where are the men from my boat?”

“Water” she said, her hand on his chin turning his face to the shell. Joel didn’t know if she wanted him to drink or answering his question. He drank again.

“I need to come home” he said, maybe it was a prayer or a wish, he hadn’t called anything home since his daughter. “I need to call somebody; they must be searching the ship”.

The woman squared her shoulders.

“Nobody is searching”

“Please, you need to help me, I have to come back, they must be looking for me…my family”.

“Sarah?” she kneeled again suddenly less tense.

“What? How?”

“You speak in dreams, call her..cry for her” she spoke softly, tilted her head awaiting a answer.

“My daughter…she…” he couldn’t say, she had been trying for years to tell, my daughter was, Sarah was my daughter, he couldn’t bare speak of her in the pass.

“My brother must be worried, we need to call the coast guards, somebody to bring me back to…”

“Nobody is coming” she pushed him firmly to the bed again, for a moment her eyes grew dark as those he saw in his dreams under water and in this cave after she had saved him.

Joel accepted her care for a day more. She brought her water and fish. The fish still moving and trying to escape its fate until she slapped them against the rock. Hair and body dripping cold water from the sea, the girl gutted the fish for him, tearing away their spine and head and presenting him their still fresh body with bloody nails. She ate one herself but with less pleasantries and bite the half of its body while blood dipped from her chin.

After he could get up by himself the next day when she was gone to get food, Joel made an expedition out of the cave. His hope sank when he saw how small the isle was. A piece of dark rock and steep hills, with thin trees with black roots and dark green leaves. The sea crushed against it violently, its roar was astounding, on the small coast, he found pieces of the ship. He climbed, almost out of breath, to the highest hill he found.

The sky was cloudy, big masses of white dust and wind over that remote corner of the world, and all he could see down was a never-ending sea, no ships, no continent, nothing but water.

He felt the waves crushing his ribs again, his heart. He would never leave this isle, he would never be home, never see his brother and explain so many things. How the world crumbled when Sarah died, how he could not see a future, the person he became, the fear of looking and the mirror and see his soulless eyes. He wanted to come back home, he wanted to be able to call something his home once again.

He felt the rage coming, like bile coming up his gut, and he screamed, he screamed, and he kick the rocks until he was tired.

When he came back to the cave, she was waiting.

She frowned at him, she had already gutted her catch and sat on the clothes of the dead men with dead fish on her hands.

“You need to rest” she repeated.

“This can’t be real” he ignored her

On his way down, Joel had convinced himself he was imagining her, that finally the drugs, the alcohol and the depression combined with a concussion was making her up.

She looked at him and tended her hand “Eat” the fish was blue as dark as the blood that pooled on the siren’s hand.

“Leave me alone” he slapped her hand away. He wanted a whiskey so bad, he wanted to swallow the pills one by one, they probably thought him dead anyway. Tommy must have been informed by now. What was the point.

He hadn’t heard the girl standing and taking the fish back, she cleaned the sand as much as she could and presented it again, this time with a serious look “Eat”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Joel tried to push her away, but she grabbed him by his throat and smacked him to the pile of the dead men clothes. She was stronger than him, much more. She straddled his lap and pressed her dirty nails on his cheeks.

Her breath was warm and her body cold and wet. He blamed his addictions and completely fucked up brain, that all his thoughts were about her body on top of him. He was aware of her nakedness, of the slump skin of her hips and thighs pressing his hips of how she was barely covered and how he could see her perked nipples under the damped fabric.

“eat” she repeated, and he opened his mouth.

She tore a small part and pushed the meat on his lips, softly, her fingers tasted of salt and blood.

When he had eating enough, she smiled. A beautiful, sweet, almost innocent smile, if not for the blood on her teeth.

“You will get strong soon”

The days fell and came, and he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to face the outside and small world of that minuscule isle.

He cried most of the time, sometimes the tears will just run on his cheeks, sometimes he would loudly sob while the siren was away. She brought him different food: octopus that she shredded with her bare hands, crabs and oysters, she also started bringing shells and showed them to him.

“beautiful” she said presenting another one, and she would look disappointed every time he didn’t react.

And so, she started singing.

She cradled his head on her lap, her sharp nails scratching the greying hairs again and again.

Her voice was soft and deep. Sometimes it was just a hum, other she would vocalise and others she would sing in a language he didn’t understand. Long syllables and soft words. Even if she used unknown words or just sounds, Joel understood. She sang about love and longing, about death and loss. Sometimes he started to cry again in the middle of her song, and she hushed him like a baby. With her voice and her hands, she caressed his wounds and his heart.

In the night, they lay together, and she tangled herself to him. She was soft and warm and smelled like salt and sand. Her heartbeat steady, mouth softly open, features relaxed, if she noticed that sometimes he caressed her leg, from ankle to thigh, the one she tossed over his body, she didn’t say.

Sometimes she turned and grabbed his arm cuddled herself under him, as if he was a blanket over her. She placed his hand between her breasts, her slow and steady breath should have calmed him. But she pushed herself against him, her back against her belly, her hips between his hips.

If she noticed that he was painfully hard, she didn’t say.

Sleep would find him eventually, but that’s when the nightmares started.

“Do not cry, Joel” she kissed the tears running on his cheeks, and she started singing, and he’d cried more. He cried until he was empty and exhausted, until he could fill the sea and drown.

The siren sang every night, and he began to forget why he was crying and that he should think about coming back.

He indeed felt stronger after a while, his body had forgotten the effort of fighting the waves and drowning, his mind nonetheless was tired, lazy, he woke up without any will of getting up, the exterior of the cave was a minuscule and harsh natured place, the cave was warm, the girl fed him, sang and took care of him.

Most times he didn’t want her to move, and he would protest when she said she got to go.

That’s how they kissed the first time.

“Don’t go, I’m not hungry” he begged, hands on her hips, kneeling before her.

“I need the sea” she smiled softly and bent down, her hands on his face like a child, she kissed her frown and then his lips. They were warm, soft, Joel had never felt something so soft as her lips and her skin in years. After so much hardship and pain, then there was her. But she walked out of the cave, leaving him on his knees still marvelling of the kiss. Joel shook all the thoughts that were spiralling on his head and followed her.

The day was covered in white fluffy clouds leaving the waters in a milky blue colour. The girl breathed deeply and took out the cloth that covered her. He watched her as the waters kissed her feet and she giggled. She looked at him just once before running to the depth.

Joel waited and waited; the sun was almost setting. The clouds were the colour of ripe orange, when she came back.

That silver and black tail splashed on the coast, and she let her body be carried with the waves.

For a moment she was limp on the sand, the long tail he remembered, her hands and digits connected with a thin and see-through tissue. He approached her, worried, what if she had died, what if he was left alone in here. The loud noise that invaded his heart and mind years ago when Sarah died, came back, he couldn’t move, not even say a word.

But the siren shrieked, loud and high, her long nails digging in the sand. Her body trembled, her spine curved upwards, like an invisible current went through her, he saw her skin tear from the inside out. Her silver scales breaking, blood covering the sand and the white foam of the waves became a faded pink. From the mess of her skin tearing a human leg came out, her feet stuck on the meaty mess of her former body. She crawled out of the parts of her tail when she cried out again sounding like a wounded animal, Joel had to cover his ears, the skin between her fingers melted, her bones shrinking to a delicate size, her hands pushed upwards, she raised with splatters of her old body still attached to her human skin. Her eyes were still dark and all black pupils. She stepped on wobbly legs towards Joel before collapsing on the ground.

He picked her up from the sand and carried her to the cave.

“Please tell me what to do” Joel whispered, desperate “do not leave me here”.

The siren smiled softly, tired.

“I will stay” she muttered before falling sleep.

Joel waited hours, watching her chest going up and down, checking her pulse. Cleaned her from her fish flesh and blood and cuddled her body when the moon rose white and full in the night.

His eyes were heavy when she started to move in her sleep. Her eyes were now human when she looked at him.

“I thought you were about to die”.

She frowned.

“What happened to you?”

“I need the sea every full moon, I need to be me”.

“Does it hurt?”

She nodded.

“I thought you were to leave me alone” he whispered, eyes closed, and heart opened, the words came out of his lips like a confession. You’re the only thing I got now, I won’t survive without you, why did you kiss me?

She cuddled next to him, he felt her warm body against him and her hand on his cheek, collecting the tears he didn’t know he was crying.

“Joel” he didn’t open his eyes” I’m here”.

When still hid his face, she came closer, search for his face and his eyes until he did. The siren, now girl, was as beautiful as the moon, perfect and warm smile, under him, naked. He felt his cheeks burn in thoughts he should maybe not have. But she closed the distance even more, rose on her elbows to be face to face, lips so close he could feel her breath. “I’m here”

The kiss was innocent as first, as sweet and pure as the one she had given in the morning. But soon he was biting her lips, invading her mouth with his tongue, biting her chin and her neck, her breasts.

He kissed her stomach, reverently caressing her new skin, the human skin she had changed for him, grabbed her hips, the bones she had cracked for him, to walk with him in this forgotten place and he opened her legs and kissed each of her knees before kneeling between them. She let her legs fall on the clothes of the dead men, revelling her sex. Joel kissed and drank from her opening pink lips. The siren sighed, tugged his hair hard and harder the more he kissed and sucked at her, he felt her legs tremble and shake and smiled. He had forgotten the beauty and the taste of the pleasure of a woman, not only a random woman in nameless bar, drunk on pain and whisky. This girl was made for him, was only his, they were alone in the world.

He kissed her blissful face still gasping and heavy breathing. Joel pushed her legs around his hips and penetrate her with a shallow push, held her head in his hands. Mine, mine, he thought the more he felt her cunt pulling him in.

————————————————————————

Mother said they love differently than us, that men take and take until soon they were kings in the land. My sisters that had already passed through this warned me about their fear: “Fear will turn them violent” they said. And so, I tried to make him delicate with me. I sang when he was sad, I hugged his body with mine. I saw how his eyes roam my body and how they shine when I say his name.

How he cried because I hurt, how he awaited on the shore for me. How he touched my new skin and how his hunger started.

But they didn’t tell me about what was going to happen to us, to our bodies. Joel kissed me and at first his beard, coarse on my skin, was all I could think of, but his lips were soft, he bit my lips and it awaken something in me. His hands were not soft either, and this new body is too delicate, this skin too thin and sensitive, I felt my hairs tensing on my arms on my legs and my nape when he kissed my breasts. I felt elated, floating in the air, spiralling so fast when he kissed me between my legs. He pushed me to the feeling when I tried to flee. I tried to get him off me, but my hands wanted to ask for more. Such sweet contradiction.

I felt my legs tremble, my stomach tight, so tight I thought this body was again turning into something new. And then, he let me fall. His eyes were dark when he grabbed my face, pressed his weight over me, I couldn’t move and was so tired and expectant. He pierced my body, and it was harsh and sweet as his kisses. He pushed inside of me, again and again, touched something inside that hurt and made my belly tight again, my legs ache on his hips. His warm breath on my neck, the sand harsh against my back as shark’s skin and I just tried to focus on the white walls of the cave, to centre myself before falling again. I heard him say something over his moans, but I couldn't tell.

He spilled inside me with two finals hard push and fell to the side, one of his hands still on my cheek.

When I rose, I felt tired and my body ached, my thighs were sticky, his sweat and mine, his semen and my blood. I touched my cunt, swollen, sensitive and full of him. My fingers gathered some of my wetness, reddish and warm still from us.

“Oh no” Joel rose immediately when he saw my hand, turned my palm to him. “Oh no, lord, I’m sorry” I didn’t know why he apologise, but he kissed me again, on my shoulders and on my face “I hurt you” he said when I looked at him puzzled. “Does it hurt?” He placed his palm over my sex and I flinched.

“I didn’t think… you have just turned I” his cheeks were red and he brushed his wet hair back “I didn’t mean to hurt you, honey”.

He grabbed my bloody fingers and kissed them. He didn’t care it stained his lips and his face.

I kissed him how he did to me. Open mouth, tasting him with my tongue. He cleaned me softly and threw his shirt over me.

I slept tired, aching, sedated and wanting him more. Joel woke me up with a shell, a purple one, just like I did days ago when he stopped talking.

“It’s for you” he had pierced in the middle and passed a cord of fibre of the black trees of the isle to make a collar. Joel slept beside me that night, covered me with his body, at first, he didn’t move, he didn’t try to do it again. But the moon was clear and round in the sky. I could see the shadows it created on his face, and it was beautiful.

I touched him, his bare chest, golden for the sun, he had scars, the skin whiter and taunt there. He had sparse hair there, thicker on his belly and over his cock. I touched him without knowing how and he sighed, I followed on his legs, strong the muscles under his thighs were evident even if he was asleep. I wished my legs were like that, see what they can do, how fast I could be, how other grounds will feel on my feet. I was mesmerised by him, and I didn’t realise he had woken up.

“Can you walk fast?” I asked.

“Do you mean run?” I nodded. “Well, not like I used to, honey.”

“What is honey?” I wondered

“Honey? It is something sweet, like you” He smiled and let me roam his body, his calves until his feet.

“Why did you save me?” He asked after the silence had filled our cave

I looked at the moon, it was as full as it was the day I saw him. Why him? I don’t know, he found the conch, he was stronger.

“The tides brought me to you” I answered to let it rest, as it was much happenstance as it was fate, his and mine.

“But now, on this isle… why?”

I looked at his dark eyes fixed on mines

“ I wanted to know “

“To know what?”

What would my mother do? My sisters? Did they allow these questions? It was a full moon already, recovering had already taken so much time, and I hadn’t completed the mission

“To know you” it was a almost a lie, a half truth.

“Have you met another man?” I saw the answer he wanted in his eyes.

“No. The other men were dead” I saw his gaze dropping to their clothes

“Did they make it to the isle?”

I shook my head as he did when he refused eating. “They were dead, their bodies floated to the coast I sent them back to the sea”

“Why?”

“They do not serve a purpose here” you and me, we do, I thought. You were barely alive I could save you, you could save me.

He looked at me as if he was trying to dissect me, I know my mother and sister told me that humans need to understand that they ask too many questions and they can hurt anything just trying to understand. I knew Joel could tear me apart. But I wanted to know too.

“How did you learn to speak to me if you haven’t met other people?”

“We learn fast” I said, we need to survive, we do what we can. I’m young and there are so many things I don’t know and my family told me to come here, and I do not know if it’s working.

“You certainly do, honey” his hand touched mine, he intertwined his fingers to mine, his skin was rugged and scarred, mine was too new I could feel the difference texture of his, that spoke of hardship and the life on earth.

He took my hand and kissed my palm. He rubbed it on his cheek, how soft he could be being so harsh and bigger than me. I took his hand and did the same, he kissed me then, much gentler than before, he let me open my mouth to him at my own pace, he let me touch his body and his scars. I found one near his left temple, the only one that he refused my hand “does it hurt still?” I asked and his eyes shone in the dark of our cave

“Yes, it refuses to heal”  

I kissed it softly waiting for him to push me off, but he didn’t. Joel closed his eyes, his skin wrinkled around them, I trailed down to his mouth.

He caressed me with the tip of his fingers, down my back, my thighs and legs as I had done.

“I will teach you how to run if you wish to “

Joel let me discover his body pulling me on top of his, how his muscles flexed, how his skin tasted. I felt him harden under me, and he let me go at my own pace, he just showed me how to touch his sex, how the stickiness I felt was needed for us to joint, how my body tensed and the fever started by rubbing the top of mine, I let him in slowly watching how his eyes closed and his sighed relaxed. Joel put his hands over my hips and softly moved me like the waves. It was slowed this time, I wanted to see every moment, every breath he took, how his eyes grew dark and feverish, his hands were impatient the more I took, I crashed in him and our breaths resonated in our cave, my body tremble but now I knew I was not falling that Joel will catch me and he did. He kissed my temple and my face caressed my back and my hips, I was sweating, shining and it felt like a dream.

“You’re so sweet to me”

Sweet.

“You’re so beautiful, honey”

Beautiful.

I didn’t know what they meant, but I knew he was also sweet and beautiful to me. I didn’t not want this to end.

She slept on top of him for half of the day, her skin was softly covered in sweat and his. He had thrusted his hip to hers for a few more times. She let him grab her hips open her more. He fucked himself deep into her and she watched him, brow furrowed and lips ajar.

“So sweat, such a good girl”

Joel avoid thinking that she wasn’t exactly a girl or she wasn’t at first. All that existed was this cave, the sea and the heaven between her legs.

He was so drunk in her he had pushed her hips to him, a hand to her back to pull her to his chest as he could carved his chest open and let her nest inside. She bit his chest to control her whines as he pushed more and more until he spilled once more, not thinking, not even minding that she had cut his skin. With bloody lips she smiled satisfied.

He had tried to push her to the side or get out of her but she slapped his hands when Joel tried to.

Once the sun was high in the cloudy sky, she woke.

“Hungry?”

“Yes, but let’s find something else than raw fish?”

Joel though about putting back on the warm sweatpants and undershirt he had wore the night of the wreckage but the girl had just got out naked of the cave and he thought it was silly to cover. They walked around the island. Joel found fruits he hadn’t seen before once he explore being so focused on a way out. On the top of the hill he had once climbed he found a tree with long roots that look strong enough to thread.

He created a small bundle with leaves and carried the food he had found.

“We’ll eat and then I teach you how to run”

She made a grimace when she tasted the fruits, Joel would agree they weren’t the best one, he would’ve loved to give her strawberries and grapes, maybe oranges and sweet peaches.

“Fish is better” she said agreeing to eat but still making a disgusted face.

“I agree this is not the best”

Joel wanted to know more about her and also keep living in this fantasy where she was real and he was somehow the happiest he had been in years, Joel has casted the world away but it had kept coming back now the world had finally let him out. But thinking about knowing more about what she was about how she could even exist made all this dream crumble down.

“What’s your name?”

She looked confused.

“Mine is Joel. You must have one”

“I don’t know “

“You don’t know it?”

“I think we don’t have one”

“On how you call…” he left the words roam in his tongue. Were there more of her? Did she have a family?

He looked at the immense sea before him, the shades of blue and white foam kissing his feet. There must have been more.

“You can give me one” she finally said “call me how you like”

“ I will think about it” he agreed “come on up, it’s time to run”

She lighted up, smiling widely.

Joel started walking on the firm sand faster and faster and she followed watching intently his legs when they started lifting the sand as he grew faster. She giggled though she had less control of her legs at this speed.

She tried to keep up to him grinning widely, chest heaving.

“C’mon, are you going to let an old man win?” He joked

She tried to rush but stumbled with the dry algae on the shore. Joel stopped and came back to her worried. But she laughed still, a delicate hand on her chest. 

“Are you okay?”

“I like running” she giggled. Joel thought his heart exploded. It’s been years maybe an eternity, maybe another life or world since he had made somebody else happy. He felt his own smile on his face like dormant muscles waking up, finding new places in him that were dead. 

The air carried the salt from the sea, the scent of it everywhere from the sand to the algae and the trees and her. His girl, all new and made for him, an apparition in the darkness, his savior in so many ways he could not explain. 

Joel thought she had never been more beautiful that in that moment, the sunset shining on the transpiration on her skin, her joyful laugh, from her belly to her lovely teeth. 

What was miles away wasn’t real, this was, his broken life and heart had drowned in the sea.

the mermaid had picked up a corpse of a man, a carcass and she had breathed life into him.

“We will run as much as you want then”

The girl stood and threw herself into him, still smiling and heavy breathing she let him hold her by the waist back to their cave. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joel taught me so many things. Running was the happiest I’ve felt, my body fills with air and it burns my chest, but I feel my legs hitting the ground carrying me farther and farther, and this laugh it comes all the way up and I cannot stop. 

Joel taught me that he likes to eat other things rather than fish. Every thing here taste too much like earth, warm and sticky. The fruits Joel found were sweet, they get stuck on the back of my teeth and its juices stay for hours on my lips, Joel taught me that’s exactly how sweet things are, like honey, like me. It stays with you. 

He is gentler with me now, delicate, he insisted in carrying some of the trees’ leaves, he split them to threads and took the fishes bones to thread them. When is not working on whatever he’s doing, we lay together. 

He talks to me about his life on land, told me he made things, houses.

What are houses?

Like this cave, he answered 

A place to live. 

He told me about Sarah. 

It was an accident, she was just on our yard and then…she was gone. I could not be home anymore. 

I sing when he gets sad or I kiss him. The way he taught me. I open myself to him. 

I’m not afraid of falling anymore, I embrace this body and how sensitive it is, Joel knows every place he needs to touch to make me spiral and he shows me what I can do for him too. 

I kiss his face, his chest, listen to his heart as he falls asleep. And the moon is starting to disappear, I do not have time. 

The most amazing thing he has showed me it’s fire. He collected some black stones that cut the flesh of fish so smoothly and he showed me how smashing them together, heat appeared. He blew air into it and the light emerged. I gasped and he laughed.

No more raw fish, he promised although I don’t know if that’s good.

He took my hand and at first I pushed him away.

Don’t you trust me?

I was brave and I let him guide my hand to it, it was warm, as warm as Joel. I know I understand. 

Joel is fire and I’m water, Joel is the ground where I ran and the sun that hit my skin and I’ve been cold my whole life, the colours here are brown as his eyes and hair, golden as the sun and the embers of the fire he creates, my skin was cold and slippery as a fish until he got me. This body was made for him, in his image and one day I’ll be back to being cold and being water, slippery in his hands.

“Do you like it?” 

We made love in a no longer dark cave. The cold light of the moon mixed with the warm of the fire just as the two of us were joined, I sat on him, hugged his body, him so deep in mine, he grabbed my head and kissed me, blew breath into my lips in words of love I don’t understand but feel.

My sweet sweet girl all mine 

The next morning I felt it.

Joel said that fire was the thing that made humans evolve. It birthed society and power. 

And now I felt it, inside of me, growing fast as we learned to do, to survive. My mission is completed. And mother and sisters warned me, once it is done, I have to get back. 

I let him sleep for a few hours more, wondering how to cut this thread in my new bones and organs that tights me to him. He wakes up, no longer in nightmares but with a smile looking at me. He sees my tears and holds me immediately. His eyes search mine his big hands holding my head searching for the answer to my sorrow. 

What’s wrong my sweet girl?

I cry harder, I wail for my fate, for the ocean and its rules, for my mother and sister and for him. He tries to calm me, rocks me softly as the sea. And then

“If I ever were to lose you

I'd surely lose myself

Everything I have found dear

I've not found by myself

Try and sometimes you'll succeed

To make this man of me

All my stolen missing parts

I've no need for anymore

I believe

And I believe 'cause I can see

Our future days

Days of you and me

Back when I was feeling broken

I focused on a prayer

You came deep as any ocean

Did something out there hear?

All the complexities and games

No one wins, but somehow, they're still played

All the missing crooked hearts

They may die, but in us they live on

His voice is deep as the ocean roars, I feel the air coming out of his lungs and his heart beating.

I stopped crying and he hums in my ear, I feel his smile “better now? You sang to me on the first day, you healed me” 

I said yes, but I lied. I never felt this, just the opposite of being made so full as he has done. I feel empty, a dark and cold pit has opened inside of me as the ones in the sea bottom. 

He tried to let me down and I held to him fiercely. “I’m not going anywhere, just going to finish our bed” 

“Do you know what a bed is?”

I shake my head

“ we are going to sleep somewhere comfortable, soft and not on sand and some dead men clothes. Maybe I can thread enough of this roots and leaves and make clothes, or a blanket. I don’t know if the weather will always be like this here” 

“Do you want to stay here?” I asked

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you want to come back…home?”

He looks puzzled, his eyes wondering around my face.

“I have no home but here, but you “

I hold my breath, push back the tears until my eyes burn. 

Joel doesn’t understand what has come over her. But she holds her body over his while he’s threading and when he lights the fire. He calls her little monkey but she doesn’t know what they are. 

She is kissing him deep as soon as the sun sets, lays on the sand and opens her legs “please Joel” 

He feels his knees cracking, his back is killing him but he lays on top of her, kisses her from her forehead to her breast, bites her soft skin as he did the first day, open her pink lips, drinking his sweet girl until her legs closed around his head trembling. Joel sighed as he was pull inside her.

“So perfect” he praised, his hands roam the body of his savior, of his lifeline. Words of love got stuck on his tongue, not yet forming he kissed her. 

The slumber found him fast as each night since he was stranded in this island, a deep dream of water and peace. 

He woke up when the light of the first rays hit his eyes. He was cold, the weight of her not as usual on top of him, curled under his arm. He touched the bed around him, she was not there. 

He waited, maybe she grew hungry. But she didn’t come back. Joel started pacing around the beach, the footprints of her feet disappeared with the waves and Joel wondered if she had to be back temporarily. But at sunset, she was not there. He screamed and howled at the moon, he then knew she would not be back, Joel knew she cried for that, he was alone again in the dark far away from anybody. He cried for her until the sun came back.

“Please come back” he whispered, he cried and howled. 

Joel waited until the next sunset until he decided that what the bullet couldn’t achieve years ago, the mighty cliff in the island could, he climbed as the lights of day were dimmed, when a white bright light shone in the vast darkness of the sea.

 A ship. 

He ran, his feet bleeding for the climb on naked feet, cuts on his face from the foliage.  He got shore when they were close scanning with lights on the beach.

The survivor of the Perseus 2 was a miracle. Every newspaper, tv news and video on social media talked about it. How Joel Miller, 45 years old, was found almost two months after the wreckage and disappearing of his ship. The coast guards of many countries had already abandoned the search when a similar boat that went through the same route started finding signs of the wreckage like small bread crumbs on the sea till a tiny isle appeared in the middle of nowhere. Despise being labeled inhabitable centuries back, Joel miller survived and was found in great condition. He didn’t speak for days in the ship, he only insisted in getting in the boat after he had returned to the cave where he had been taken refuge, he didn’t let any other man in. He came back with a pink conch and it is the only thing he carry with himself from that experience. He was left in Texas and didn’t give any interview even if every body wanted his testimony.

Tommy miller picked his brother from the port after years of having no news of him. He found out his brother was officially missing once the Perseus didn’t make it to the next port they were expected to. For two months he wondered how he could go on knowing he had never made peace with him. Until the sea opened up and returned his brother. Tommy Miller didn’t say the things he had rehearsed:

Why did you leave me?

Why didn’t you call me?

Tell me where you went

How did you survive?

He just hugged him.

Now he receives a postcard each month and presents for his baby and his wife Maria, his brother goes to Wyoming for holidays and it’s getting use to texting, e-mails and social media.

Tommy hasn’t asked why but his brother decided to live by the sea. On a cliff to an open ocean, build a house with big windows that only look at the deep blue. And what’s weirder, he has boat, and sails, even has gotten back to sea to that remote part of the world from time to time. 

But he’s happy, open and that’s what counts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He is somebody in that little town, he has made a name for himself, he made the bar counter at the pub he goes every night, a bright and big wooden bar that has already some beer stains prove of so many fun nights of the people’s town. He caresses the wood feeling a sense of pride he has not felt in a long time. He gets a pat on the back and warm smiles from his neighbors, Chris and his little brother who needed a new roof, Tess that needed help with her house repairs after her husband left, bill and frank the pub owners that invite him every night even if he was paid generously for the job.

But every night Joel Miller walks by the sea alone, listening to it and sleeps with the windows open to it, wondering if she will be back. Not in flesh as he mostly thinks now she was a vision, a way of coping, he survived by himself, his brain created that perfect creature to save him, to cure his loneliness. But he still wonders if he can conjure her back to life in his dreams. But nothing comes but the sighs and waves of the sea.

Eventually, he almost forgets and gets a little life, a shop where he sells his wood art and guitars, and offers his hands to whoever needs it. Invites Tess from time to time to coffee and takes her to proper dates. Flights to Wyoming and holds his niece, only sometimes he finds himself by the window touching without realizing it that pink shell that it’s almost now just a decorative item.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometime when he dreams he feels itm the dark fingers of the sea creeping in his lungs, being lost inside the dark mouth of the ocean and a silver ray swimming towards him. A smile full of blood and flesh of fish, a supple body under him, the sand on his feet. Can it be true?

It was a dream that fade away with the last sip of coffee every morning, sometimes he wouldn’t even remember that he dreamed of it again passed a few minutes. Sometimes he finds himself lost looking at the sea, the waves crushing furiously close to his house. Why did he want to live here? Why was he so adamant to leave the sea?

He had lost something he thinks but he cannot quite put a word for it and the shell lays in his hands without noticing he has pick it up. 

Sometimes the sea brings a song with breeze, a murmur so soft and sad, and when he doesn’t realize it he walks up to the beach beside his house. Since Tess moved he doesn't roam around the beach like that that much and he doesn’t hear it often.

“Joel?” he feels Tess hands embracing him from the back

“Hmm?” 

“I asked you where do you find it?” She has the pink shell in her hand, inspecting it

“I…”

He tries hard to remember, the boat, the men that died, the girl, was it a girl? He remembers a laugh, shiny and delicate like tiny bells, he remembers the cold and chewy flesh of the fish still on his tongue and her kiss, the first one when he was dying biting his lips, no, it was not a girl then, it was…that couldn’t be true. He must have lost oxygen after the wreckage, he must have been dehydrated and disoriented on a tiny isle. There was no girl, he was alone.

“Are you alright?” she looks concerned at him and puts the shell on its place where it serves as a reminder of his survival, how did he do it? He dares not say 

“It was a gift” he finally say 

His eyes wonder on the horizon searching for something he does not even have a word for. The old Joel died on that isle, tore his flesh and bone to become something new, when he arrived at this town he was empty now he had a full house of life and love. His eyes become glassy looking at the waves crushing and although he doesn’t remember what he looks for he is thankful for it.

Deep in those waters, oceans away where the light of the sun does not reach, a siren sings a song about the man he met and had to abandon about the miles she swam to try to save him even her mission was already completed, a baby was inside of her that would ensure the future of her species, she had, as mother had told her, just to make sure the conception happened the soul of the man was irrelevant. But she saved him in more ways than she knows in the deep sea. 

Author's note:

This is sooo long I'm sorry, if you've arrived here first of all thank you, I know this is a weird fic but I hope you like it, if you do, please reblog it's the only way this site works.

*Mangata : the glimmering, roadlike reflection of the moonlight in the water.

[anonymous-dentist]

Honestly idc about the Tallulah vs Sunny vs Leo babyfight going on because, really, that kind of stuff is just what little girls do.

I work in childcare professionally and seasonally- specifically with 9-10 year olds- and it’s gotten to the point where my higher-ups ended up telling everyone that it isn’t our job to sort out the Little Girl Drama because it happens so often! At least once a day we have at least one group of girls have a dramatic friendship argument that will drastically shape their lives forever, and then they’re best friends again the next day. Little girls can be full of such hatred that is only ever seen otherwise in angry NFL fans after a bad ref call, it’s INSANE.

So Tallulah and Sunny not getting along? And Tallulah actually being pretty mature for a little girl and being all “We can’t be friends yet, but maybe in the future when I’m in a better place” and seemingly working on herself and her problems before tackling the Sunny Problem? That’s chill, 10x more mature than the way the girls at work can be

Leo and Sunny not getting along? Now that’s realistic. Sometimes kids just don’t like each other. You can’t force people to be friends, children included. Doing that just makes the kids hate each other more, especially when one of the kids is as traumatized and depressed as Leo is.

And then both Tallulah and Leo hanging with Empanada and Pepito but not with Sunny? Again, that’s normal for little kids, especially considering how both Tallulah and Leo may have seen/are currently seeing Sunny as an antagonistic force.

Sure, it makes sense that Sunny is hurt by all this, and that’s when an adult figure should step in: when the kid starts to cry and act out aggressively. She’s in a bad situation here, but so is Leo. Sunny fans have gotta start considering Leo’s pov and stop insulting her and her admin, and so on.

If this entire scenario was happening in a school?

Leo and Sunny would be kept apart at all times. Different tables, desks, whatever the classroom uses. Don’t pair them up for activities, and keep them across the room from each other. They don’t get an option in this because of how they antagonize each other.

Tallulah, though, would probably get an option. She’d be allowed to play with Sunny during recess or gym time if she and Sunny can both promise to play nice, and they might even be allowed to eat lunch together depending on how their behavior’s been that day. This is because of the open communication these two kinda have going on; Little Girl Drama isn’t always a constant, sometimes there’s moments of peace within.

This is all to say: this babyfight stuff is awesome because it’s the single most realistic depiction of Little Girl Drama/Friendship I’ve seen in my LIFE, and I’m saying this as someone who works in childcare for a living who has had to deal with Little Girl Drama for years at this point. It’s actually super impressive!! Kudos to the admins, they’re doing great!!!

[lurkingshan]

I Feel You Linger in the Air: Novel vs Drama 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Happy IFYL special day! While I wait (not so) patiently for the special episode to become available for international viewers, I thought I would stop being lazy and get around to writing up my thoughts on the adaptation choices of the drama now that I’ve finally had a chance to read the original novel. 

First, let me just say: the novel is so fun. I’m so glad folks like @clairedaring and @pharawee talked about it on here and @waitmyturtles read it first and told me to jump on it, because I’ve had a really hard time with poorly translated y novels before and was definitely skeptical. But the story was excellent and the English translation was really solid, so a great time was had by all and I wasn’t even salty about spending eighteen American dollars on it. I didn’t think the novel was perfect (turtles can attest I had a few LOUD complaints) but it was a very enjoyable read. Shoutout to @bengiyo, @neuroticbookworm, and @wen-kexing-apologist as well for listening to me rant about Tee’s choices as I made my way through the novel. Bonus: if you have the chance to read this novel while vacationing in Thailand surrounded by plumeria trees and romantic scenery, I highly recommend. 

So, with that established, let’s talk about the adaptation! Adapting novels to a visual medium always comes with a lot of choices, and it’s not easy to make everything translate effectively. On the other hand, a live action drama can make some of what’s on the page feel even more vivid and new elements can be introduced that add to the canon. I’m on the record as both loving this show and feeling like there were some significant missteps in the writing, so I really wanted to understand the source material and how some of those choices were made. So here’s your spoiler alert for IFYL’s adaptation: it’s a real mixed bag of choices from our dear frenemy Tee Bundit, and all in service of one clear goal. 

I Feel You Linger in the Air, but Make It Sadder!

I’m going to break down the details below, but this is the TL; DR right here. Every choice Tee made in this adaptation was in service of transforming a relatively light and often comedic time travel romp into a story of deep melancholy and a thorough examination of queer pain. This is Tee’s whole schtick, so we can hardly be surprised; and yet I was kind of taken aback by how stark the difference in these stories felt even as a lot of the plot stayed the same. During the drama’s airing @respectthepetty talked about how this show was just too damn sad for her, and I gotta say, she was definitely picking up what Tee was putting down. YMMV on how sad you like your romance, but Tee Bundit is a very sad boy indeed.

Jom

gif by @junghaesin

Let’s start here, because this is definitely my biggest grievance with Tee: he removed most of Jom’s personality from the book in order to give us a flatter, sadder version of him that fit better with a much more melancholy vision for this story. As it turns out, Jom was originally written to be smart, sassy, and very funny (h/t to @stuffnonsenseandotherthings whose post on this really got me interested in reading to see the difference). Novel Jom is a smartass who never misses the opportunity to work in a salty comment or express his frustration when things aren’t going his way, and he’s such an active character. He does not just sit back and let things happen to him; he thinks and he struggles and he tries. By comparison, show Jom just feels… vaguely confused, mildly depressed, and wildly passive most of the time. This is by no means a knock on Nonkul, who is a fantastic performer—these are clearly writing and directing choices and he is interpreting the character as instructed.

And it’s not just the removal of his core personality, either. Jom in the book has emotional intelligence and a stronger sense of connection to others. For one, he actually cares that Eung Phueng is his sister! Throughout the book, we see him dedicate time and energy to finding ways to care for his sister despite their different social stations; this dynamic is completely absent from the show, where Jom doesn’t even seem to remember Eung Phueng has his sister’s face most of the time. This was a major hole in the show and I still don’t really understand why Tee dropped the ball on it when there was so much material to drawn from in the book.

Winner: The novel, hands down. If you take nothing else away from this post, please take it as a recommendation to read the novel so you can experience Real Jom in all his sassy glory.

The Mythology��

gif by @chickenstrangers

Now, I can’t really claim that either the novel or the show does a fantastic job with the mythology, because there’s a lot of hand waving in either case and some definite plot holes. But I will give the book credit for being upfront from the start: it didn’t really intend to explain it beyond giving us a little preamble about wormholes (yes, wormholes!) and for having Jom actually notice and care (and get very amusingly frustrated) that he didn’t understand what the wormhole wanted him to do or how to control it. He actually tried quite a lot in the book to figure it out, rather than just sitting around gazing morosely into the distance. In the end, the book tells us that Yai vowed to love Jom at first sight in every lifetime, which is a vow he made after the wormhole brought Jom to him but somehow affects the times that had already happened from our perspective. It’s a paradox that doesn’t fully make sense, but it is at least an explanation.

The show, by contrast, intentionally added layers to this mystery that it had no intention of resolving. The drawings opening up connections to the present, the ghostly visages haunting the characters, the glimpses of Jom in the future doing things we never saw in the original timeline, Mustache Yai kissing Jom in the water—all show inventions, and all setting up an expectation that some sense would be made of these clues. Which of course, never happened. Instead, these things were used to contribute to the spooky scary vibe and make everything feel sadder, and the show offered no explanation at all for why any of this happened.

Winner: It’s a draw since neither really did it well, but I’m staying salty with Tee for fucking with me.

Family Drama 

gif by @thii-nii

Here is where we get into some of the stuff Tee added to the story that actually worked pretty well. One very smart adaptation choice: he made Yai and Eung Phueng siblings so that Yai would have a reason to be more involved in their household and able to interact much more with Jom in the early parts of the story; in the novel there is no connection between the households and Yai and Jom barely interact for the first several months after Jom arrives in the past. He also added a lot of family drama in the back half of the show: the struggles with Yai’s father, the shady uncle, the plot to force Yai to marry, and the big confrontation over Robert’s misdeeds are all show inventions, likely added both to pad out the story and make the relationship harder and sadder, and because he was looking for an alternate source of conflict since he was not doing Part 2 of the book (which takes place once Jom is yanked away again and shot back to the Commander Yai time period). 

Another major change from the novel to the show: in the novel, Yai’s plans to go study abroad were already set before Jom even got there, not something he won as a consolation in a negotiation over marriage. Which has some implications I’ll get into in the next section.

Winner: The drama, where the family dynamics were much more thoroughly explored. 

The Romance 

gif by @loveisactivated

As I mentioned above, Tee made a smart choice in bringing Yai more firmly into Jom’s orbit early in the story, but unfortunately, he didn’t do much with that advantage and actually failed to use some of what the novel gave him to work with. In the novel, Jom is much more aware of the attraction between him and Yai, very attuned to Yai’s flirting and their age gap, very aware of his own growing attachment to Yai, and thinking through the implications of all of it as it grows, which is a more natural and believable build up to their romance than in the show, where Jom seems distracted and unaware of Yai’s affections until they suddenly start jumping each other. That lack of romantic development in the show (which we discussed even as it was airing) was not because the material was not there for Tee to use in the book; he simply had other priorities and neglected to build it properly in show time.

That said, I have to give major credit to Tee for how he handled the romance once our leads were together and intimately involved. First, he really brought some of the scenes that were in the book to life in a way that still has me shook, like Yai’s drunken poetry recitation (credit must also be given to Bright for his eye work in that and many other scenes, what a stunner). And on top of that, the drama has some of the best physical intimacy scenes I have ever seen in any drama, full stop, and that is nearly all Tee and his creative team. He used elements from a few scenes in the book, but he remixed and amplified them to be a lot more powerful, and certainly much more artful and sensual than the sex scenes in the book. That olive oil masturbation scene? The show gets full credit, and the way the direction, editing, and performances so vividly painted their attraction to each other still gives me shivers when I think about it.

But anyway, back to bitching about Tee: one of the scenes that really stuck out for me like a sore thumb in the romance arc in the show was when Yai learns he will be going abroad and he and Jom discuss it in a curiously flat and emotionless way, with Yai acting like it’s no big deal for them to be separated for three years. I mentioned above that this was a change from the book: in the novel Yai was already set to go abroad before he ever met Jom, it was not a new surprise that came about after they were together. They discuss Yai’s impending departure twice in the book; once when Jom is still only Yai’s majordomo, and then once again when they are lovers. As you can imagine, the emotional tenor of these two scenes are quite different. And Tee used the wrong one for the show! I almost threw the book at the wall when I realized I was reading the verbatim dialogue from that scene in the show in the context of Yai and Jom hardly knowing each other yet, and then again when I got to the second conversation that was actually appropriate for two lovers who do not want to be parted. That has to be one of the most senseless adaptation mistakes I have ever seen. Tee Bundit, what is wrong with you!!

Lastly for this section, I will just note that the very long, drawn out goodbyes between Yai and Jom are also a show invention. In the book, Jom gets yanked to the next time period with no warning shortly after they get together and begins his next adventure with another Yai. Since Tee was ending the show here in this time period, he went in a different direction, having Jom and Yai much more aware of Jom fading and anticipating a separation so that he could (say it with me) make everything sadder. His choice to wallow for two entire episodes in sorrow and melancholy and to put much heavier focus on Yai’s despair was entirely his own, and so very on brand.  

Winner: It’s a draw. The book definitely writes the romantic arc more holistically and doesn’t have any of the missteps the drama does, but the show is so artful and the parts it gets right are so good I will remember them for the rest of my life. And I can’t pretend I’m not an angst monster at heart, so Tee’s sad af vision totally worked on me.

Sides and Queer Community

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Here is where Tee’s adaptation really shines, and I know others have discussed these changes before so I won’t go too deep on the details. But I absolutely have to give Tee props for taking tiny threads for these side characters in the books and building them into whole people that we actually care about. Especially in the case of Ming and Fong Kaew, Tee really made something of their extremely thin book stories to turn them into fan favorite characters with real growth arcs. I do think the book was better in the way it handled the fated connection between Fong Kaew and Khamsaen, but everything else about Fong Kaew’s story was deepened by the show. And Tee gets credit for adding so many meaningful stories for women characters in the first place, let alone developing a lesbian romance for Eung Pueng and Maey. He picked up on a tiny bit of subtext for underdeveloped characters in the book and ran with it, and it really enhanced the story. 

He also used side characters as a means to make this story feel all around more queer, not only by including additional queer romances but by building out a real sense of community and solidarity among the queer characters. Not only the addition of nods to real queer history, but the speakeasy, James’s explicit queerness, and Nuey the Green Queen are all Tee additions to the canon that really enhanced the story.

Winner: The drama and it’s not close. Well done, Tee!

That Ending

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

One of my biggest interests in reading the novel was seeing how the ending with modern Yai is explained in the original source material, because I found the drama version of that scene so lacking. Well, it turns out, the novel did pretty much the same thing! The ending sequence of the book is even shorter than the scene in the show and similarly offers zero explanation for this new version of Yai or how he knows Jom before they jump each other and the story concludes. The main narrative ends there and the book then tacks on an epilogue explaining who this new Yai is, and it reads like an afterthought. Honestly, it felt to me like the writer ran out of steam and just didn’t bother to finish the story, and Tee did exactly the same thing. Which is kind of infuriating, because being able to fix stuff like that is one of the best things about a good adaptation. 

Winner: Absolutely no one, my kingdom for a proper ending to this story.

gif by @pharawee

So, my conclusions? 1) Tee Bundit is the saddest creator in Thai bl, hands down; 2) It’s a draw between which version of this story is better. The novel and drama both have different strengths and significant flaws, but both versions are compelling and had me on the edge of my seat. I highly recommend the book to anyone who is missing the show and wants another chance to revisit these characters, plus the added bonus of seeing Jom wrangle Commander Yai, something we are unlikely to ever see on our screens (though hope springs eternal besties!). If you do decide to give it a read, come talk to me about it! 

[olivianyx]

How can I continue to persist after becoming disillusioned? Is all this real? Since I saw something about the law, something that has given me proof that everything is false, I have questioned the law and started to feel that everything is a lie and that I have been wasting my time, now I am depressed, every time I read the stories of success, I believed them and looked at them. as hope now Nothing will be like before, I wanted the look of my dreams, I wanted the life of my dreams, but now I feel like everything has already gone to shit, my desires collapsed in a second, I've been trying to manifest. . Me for 4 years. Years and nothing has changed, I had high hopes but now I feel like I was never a god, I had a list of things I wanted to do when I became a master manifestor but I think it was all an illusion, now I'm going to stay locked in this fucking shit of the 3D. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like everyone lied to me and I will never be able to get rid of this fucking shitty life.

Sorry for the rudeness, my intention is not to be rude but I am devastated and I don't know what to do with these feelings, I am not even close to letting it all go to hell.

Honey, don't worry, I've been there. I know how hopeless that feels. How you feel your heart clench and your mind going crazy when you see success stories, I know that horrible feeling honey. Unfortunately, we're the ones that's responsible for our states.

We're the ones that chose this state of hopelessness. Only we have the power to change it, and not success stories. It's cause we focus on changing the outer reality practically & logically since human mind is designed to work like that. But the ones who chose to throw the perspective of physical senses away, and chose to believe in the illogical, unreal stuff, that helps to change everything, win. They win. We as humans have absolutely no purpose. When I say we have no purpose, we don't. We're here to learn what's the truth, and just enjoy life with whatever we want. That's life. That's not something serious at all. We're the ones that chose life to be serious.

I'll tell you, the way your mindset is, is not your fault since we're influenced by the outer reality. So we tend to think in the society's perspective. The law is real sweetheart. Just take action upon yourself in your mind, and see the magic of the law. I know it's a harder pill to swallow, but that's the truth. I really understand how you feel, but love, isn't it exhausting to live a life which isn't making you happy? I don't know your age, but think of me as your elder sister, and please listen. Life has given you this opportunity to know about the law honey, yet, you struggle to apply this small concept. It's okay till now honey, but now you know, start applying. Yes it's sometimes hard being delusional and persist, but as you go on, it's easy as fuck.

Coming to the law, what does the law state? Whatever you assume to be true is true. Full stop. How do you assume? Induce the thoughts of your desires already done, live as if it's done cus it already is, you already have them, and deny the rest and move on. That's it. You don't even have to wait. Tf time doesn't exist. There's no overcomplicating shit. It's just simple as that. You already are a master manifestor, you're just manifesting the wrong stuff, my love. Focus your attention, feelings and thoughts on what you desire. You already are what you desire. It's no more a desire. You're being the version of you who has your desire. You should change your self, and nothing else. Stop expecting the 3d to change, when the source hasn't been changed. That's it honey, that's all you gotta do and you don't even need to lift a finger.

If you want me to help you, I'll gladly do it. Dm me or hit on my asks. I'm here any time (actually I'm offline most of the time 😭) I do answer any and every ask.

[silly-comics]

I got a question or more, sorry if they is dumb it probably is, anyway

Anything New About The Comic That You Got Done Yet? Not Rushing

And that last ask got me wondering sorry if this is the dumbest question, but why do you ship killer x cross and Horror x dust? If you don't mind me asking

I have no problem with the ships they just seem off to me but that's my opinion so I just wanted to know why or your opinion on why you ship them?

Sorry if it's dumb I just wanna know

Back to the question this is the last one

What ships do you find gross or disturbing? I just want your look on things

Ik this is long I'm sorry-

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been going through one of my depressive episodes and I typically fall out of drawing for months when those happen. So I haven’t really made any progress on the comic, which is what I know yall don’t wanna hear. School should be starting back up again sometime soon though and I’ll be forced to draw so I’ll probs get back into then.

For your second question:

I ship Killer X Cross because I think their dynamic would be interesting and a bit goofy. Killer being the bastard he is goes well with Cross who would balance him out and perhaps make less bad choices. On the other hand, Killer could teach Cross how to loosen up a bit and live a little. They can also both relate on the “I was once sharing a body with Chara” thing lol. Plus, I think Cross could maybe have the same end effect that Color would have on Killer in that if they were to realize that maybe being under Nightmares power isn’t so healthy, Cross could help steer Killer towards the path of freedom?

Horror x Dust is a little more tricky to explain. I feel it came more from a place of necessity rather than genuine love for each other? They got together to stabilize each other while under Nightmare, it was a way to cope. It’s a bit toxic with Horror’s constant paranoia/distrustfulness/anger issues and Dust’s apathy/indifference and the tendency to dissociate as well as major move swings. I like to think there’s a time where they eventually work this stuff out and can actually be together, I don’t think it’s realistic. At least without another outsiders help, like shipping Horror with Farm and Dust with Fell. If it was more of a poly, the other two could help stabilize Horror and Dust I feel.

I love angst and stuff but at the same time it makes my heart ache so much 😭 so these aren’t like the only pairings I like with the group. I like the idea of it being a poly of all of them, including Nightmare, with varying levels of closeness.

For the ships I find gross/disturbing: I feel like the obvious ones do not need to be named, so just the proship ones. I’m not usually the type to go on a rant about proshipping and stuff, so I’ll leave it at that.

If you’re asking what type of ships I personally dislike though, that answer is also a little boring as I don’t really mind what other people think as long as it’s not weird. Like, I’ll occasionally see something like Nightmare X Fresh and the most I’ll do is question where that idea came from. Good art is good art so you’ll get a like from me no matter the subject (besides the obvious boundaries).

Also, guys, you gotta stop apologizing cause I love ranting and answering your questions 🥺 you guys have been very kind

[sister-lucifer]

what’s wrong with you based on your favorite batman villain

(don’t take these too seriously)

(sequel to this post)

The Riddler: Holy shit shut the fuck up for two seconds PLEASE. i know you have a touch of the tism and crave to derail every conversation to talk about your special interest but no one else is having fun. this is why you don’t have any friends. You also have a very niche and the second most expensive taste in clothing so you only have like 3 outfits to mix and match. You either dress like you’re going to the Met Gala or like a dad on vacation, no in between

The Penguin: STOP FUCKING IMPULSE BUYING!!! YOU HAVE TOO MANY TRINKETS!!! YOU DONT NEED IT JUST BECAUSE ITS PRETTY!!!! You have the most expensive taste in clothing, especially victorian undergarments, and spend an embarrassing amount of money to dress like a vampire. And stop being so hard on your body. It might not always be the perfect image of what you want, but it’s doing its best, even if you have to help it out a bit.

Harley Quinn: Sweetheart, I promise you are more than just your sex appeal. I know you grew up around misogyny and were raised to be a housewife but you’re free now!! Well…you would be if you stopped picking the shittiest men. A relationship does not define you, stop settling for assholes because you feel ashamed for being single. Have you tried dating a woman? No, seriously, try it. You deserve it

The Joker: Stop using your humor to deflect from your trauma, i bet your back hurts from carrying the weight of being the funniest person in your friend group. You’re a big time maximalist who spends an hour picking out a hundred accessories to wear and wind up being late because you couldn’t choose which kandi bracelets were best for the occasion. You’re still holding on to the last shreds of your teenage edgelord phase. Also clean your damn room and throw away those old drink cans, nasty ass

Catwoman: How does it feel to be the sexiest person in the room at any given time? Not good, I bet, since you struggle to make friends because of how often they wind up to only be after your body. Sorry you can’t catch a break. You’re probably still carrying money saving habits you got from your parents when you were a kid even though you don’t need to now. Also please try wearing a color besides black, it’s almost summer, you’re gonna die of heatstroke. Nice eyeliner though

Poison Ivy: Dude, so many people are crushing on you rn, how do you not see this?! You’re so hot but soooo emotionally unavailable, christ. A boy in middle school said something uncomfortable to you once which was then reinforced by the misogynistic micro aggressions you were subject to as a teenager and it’s kinda tainted your entire view of the male gender, which is fair but also kinda sucks.

The Scarecrow: Daddy issues, daddy issues everywhere. He was scary as fuck, wasn’t he? Your fear was valid. You really love to analyze people which wouldn’t be an issue if you could actually be subtle about it. Stop staring, you creep. Also, that flannel doesn’t look as good as you think it does, you look like a depressed lumberjack. Like please just buy a cardigan. Halloween is your favorite holiday and you get really annoying about it around mid august. And remember to brush your fuckin hair for gods sake

The Mad Hatter: You get like…reeeeaaaally weird about your crushes, man. Like whatever you’re doing it’s not normal. You can just talk to them, you know. You have the weirdest sexual interests but they’re more so hyper specific and niche than gross or unsettling. That’s better, I guess? You gotta leave your headspace and live in reality for a bit, man. I know it kinda sucks, but there are real people here! Also you’re short. Gross