#I WISH I COULD JUST BE FINE AND FEEL NORMAL AND HAPPY ABOUT MY SEXUALITY

[girlscience]

okay. I have some not so fun thoughts about my sexuality this time. and it is really bleak feeling. here's the thing, I want to be a lesbian, but I don't think I am. wanting something doesn't make it true. wish in one hand shit in the other and all that. however, I am deeply uncomfortable being labeled bisexual for a laundry list of reasons.

I think my attraction to men is real, but it comes with about a thousand caveats. my attraction to women is constant and overwhelming and unchanging and entirely without reservations. I feel that if I admit attraction to men I must allow them access to me and my life in ways I do not want. I must accept them into my dating pool. I must desire forms of sex with them that I do not. I must want romance with them. The idea of that frightens me.

I experienced very painful things growing up christian and I am afraid that being bisexual will render them null and void. they won't matter because i'm not lesbian so I could have escaped any time by just being straight. what I experienced wasn't as bad at it was for actual lesbians because I passed as straight. it was just misdirected homophobia and when I talk about it I am talking over the people who's voices actually need to be heard.

I feel great love and connection to lesbians and the lesbian community, and I don't want to give it up, but I am stealing something that isn't mine. intruding on a place I don't belong. making others uncomfortable. being predatory. making everything about me. I do not feel connection to the bi community. I do not relate to or understand most of what I see them talk about feeling experiencing. I do not understand the popular/most visible parts bi culture. I feel either like an invader or an outsider and I am so tired of feeling like both all the time.

I have lesbian friends. I feel like I am betraying them. I feel like I have been lying to them. I don't want to lose the relationships or closeness I have with them, but I will be just one more person who doesn't get it. one more person who lets men in their life. I am afraid I will be a disappointment. I am afraid they won't like me anymore. that they will feel disconnected to me. that they will not feel comfortable with me anymore.

there are other things but I am less sure how to articulate them. vague notions of it being a cop out, I just can't pick a side, everyone being a little bit bi, etc. that it's not special enough??? which is a weird one that I don't know how to explain. but it's like everyone is bi and it's the biggest portion of the lgbt community so that I am too doesn't mean anything and so it doesn't actually matter and I should just suck it up and shut up about. that it would be better if I was lesbian because it is the most important most oppressed sexuality and I am like abandoning them (believe me i am aware of the particular shittiness of that and the pedestal it puts lesbianism on, but I want to be honest and it's definitely in the back of my brain). that I'm just adding fuel to the fire of the idea that sexuality is fluid and lesbians aren't really only attracted to women. that the caveats I have about men are either comphet or conscious choices and I'm choosing to exclude men in all these ways to be a political lesbian so I'm being shitty for that too. that all of this is actually a choice and not something I have no control over. I am choosing to be attracted to men or I'm choosing to be attracted to women or I'm choosing to exclude men. I could choose to want a man and escape homophobia. I don't actually have no choice/control about how I feel about women and if I wanted I could give it up. that my feelings about all this are preferences and not innate emotional experiences and on and on and on and on. basically I feel bad no matter what I do and I'm a liar and a terrible person no matter what I do and I am shitty and should just shut up forever.

[arminsumi]

. . . 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Suguru Geto (18+)

Suguru tying his hands behind his back because his best friend wants you — and he wouldn't get in the way of Satoru's happiness, would he?

► 'I heard that you fell in love... I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake, baby, snap out of it'

+ warnings: MDNI/18+ content, cheating, smoking, sexual tension, angst

"No, not at all. Don't worry about it." Suguru shook his head in denial.

"You sure? I was under the impression that you wanted her." Satoru said.

"Wow, Satoru, you've known me for how long? And yet still you misunderstand me." he smirked, "I only ever said that she's pretty. That's all."

"Oh!" Satoru blinked, "Okay, good."

"She's probably interested in you — you should go for it." Suguru encouraged.

"Yeah, I think I will. I mean, the worst she could do is say no, right?"

Suguru let out an amused hum, keeping his lips pursed.

As Satoru went over to your table, Suguru watched with a tightening jaw, wishing for the worst — but his wishes fell on deaf ears, he soon realized, as he observed a 'yes' forming on your lips.

... Am I a fool?

Suguru's features twitched in discomfort when he watched you and Satoru hitting it off.

It's fine. I don't like her that much, anyways.

. . . 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝,

and Suguru realized that he was, in fact, a fool. Quite possibly the biggest fool in the world.

Whenever you and Satoru flirted, whenever you kissed, whenever you locked up like lovers so shamelessly and openly in front of him, he felt sick to his stomach — terribly sick. He'd suddenly excuse himself to the bathroom, and tremble over the sink; not quite ready to squeeze the contents out of his stomach, but close to retching.

But weren't you a fool, too?

"Why did you ever think that dating his best friend would bring you closer to him? It's just silly." your friend derided.

"Don't ridicule me. My feelings for Satoru aren't a lie — "

" — yeah right."

" — it's just that I expected them to overpower the feelings I had for Suguru. Can you really blame me? Even you said that Suguru has that something about him."

Yes, that something about Suguru Geto. Many people before you have felt that urge to desperately grab him, sink their claws into him, and never let go. He's never been oblivious to it.

Suguru's so blasé about love. He's the kind of man that doesn't show too much interest — and that's half the fun of it all. There's no pressure; just tie your laces and run after his shadow.

. . . 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠,

and by summer the tension between you and him was growing like a little beast in the pit of your bellies.

Stolen glances. Quiet midnight conversations in the dark hallway. Pathetic flirting quickly covered up as a joke. Lingering hugs. Drunk confessions conveniently 'forgotten' the next day. Walking as if in a daze at your side, side-eyeing you kissing his best friend with an unmissable bitterness shaking his eyelashes.

It was only a matter of time until it all became too much. Who remembers who snapped first? Him or you? Of course you can blame it on drunkenness, but isn't that the reason you got drunk with Satoru's best friend in the first place? So that tomorrow, all the kisses could be excused with "I was drunk, it didn't mean anything".

. . . 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬,

it was more than that; you feeling up his chest and nimbly unbuttoning his white shirt, him pushing you up against the wall, not kissing you like a normal person — tasting and relishing your lips and cheeks and neck like some kind of starved animal, Suguru lured you into his cold, dark bed with full intent to devour you.

"Let me take it off for you." Suguru offered, soft voice shaking with this greedy lust that you can't quite explain.

You complied and let him peel your clothes off your body — and though he did it with haste, he savored every moment.

I'm taking what's supposed to be mine.

That's what he thought, and kept repeating to himself in his head as he unzipped his black skinny jeans and hurried out of them, and slid his boxer briefs down, and got inside you like he didn't care about anyone by any name except yours.

Grunting like he needed this for his whole life, Suguru muttered small dirty things against your neck, hiding his face there.

"... you're so tight, are you sure it doesn't hurt?" turned into "... you're taking it so well" turned into "am I better than him? Tell me I'm better than him, please. what do you mean you 'don't know'? Come on, you can lie to Satoru but don't lie to me... I know I can fuck you better than he can." turned into "Cum for me, baby; let me see how pretty you look when you cum all over a big cock" turned into "... why don't you just stay the night?"

. . . 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚,

because Suguru got a taste of what it's like to wake up with you at his side. It was like a picturesque view; you looking messy and splayed out after a long night sprawled out underneath him.

When he felt his heart pang with the anxiety that he'd never be able to have you to himself, that's when he got out of bed and got dressed, leaving you alone in his bed.

It was a bad idea.

Getting a text from Satoru, shaking your upper arm to wake you, panicking but trying to look composed, seeing his hickeys on your neck — Suguru just went silent with guilt.

What have I done.

He sat on the edge of his bed, the early morning sun just barely streaming in through the gap in the curtains, and he watched you get dressed.

"I need a cigarette." he said anxiously, and got up to go have a smoke on the balcony.

You gave him a weary look and watched him leave. Just as you pulled the last bit of your clothes on your body, he lit up and drew in a deep breath and tainted his lungs with dirty tar and carcinogens.

Walking out onto the balcony, hearing the early morning traffic of Tokyo and seeing the dreary grey of cloudy skies, you stood besides Suguru.

Your attention. That's all he ever wanted. Your attention and a lot of it.

"Sorry." he apologized, lowering his cigarette and putting it out. "I know you don't like it when I smoke."

"You're right; I don't." you said, coming in close and pulling him down for a kiss. "But for some reason, it tastes good on your lips."

He looked down at you with full, black eyes.

"I'm not gonna tell Satoru anything about last night. Are you?"

"No, but I'm thinking of breaking up slowly with him."

"Don't do that. Just forget about me. You love him right?"

You looked away to the skyscrapers and refused to meet Suguru's eyes for a while.

"How am I supposed to forget about you?" you chuckled, "Even if I could, you don't really mean that, do you?"

"... No." Suguru hesitantly replied.

He looked at you shiftily, torn between crying and kissing you or both — a million little and big feelings overwhelmed him. He tried to organize them all, or at least as best he could, and waited for a moment of mental clarity to come over him before speaking again.

"Is it my fault, or have you been thinking of breaking it off with him for a while?"

"It's not your fault, Suguru. It's been a long time coming."

"How long?"

"Since it started. But why are you asking me questions that you know the answer to, Suguru?"

He shrugged, "I just needed clarity."

"Well there's your clarity." you sighed, "I'm gonna take a hot shower."

Suguru looked at you, dying for the moment when your eyes met his gaze, but it didn't come; he stood there unsatisfied and frustrated as you went inside without even paying him a glance, his black eyes on your back.

He rubbed his face, sighed hard, and lit up another cigarette and smoked it while listening to the shower run in the background, just pathetically daydreaming of little fantasies of joining you.

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬: 𝐀𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐢'𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

[soapssuds]

stubborn heart ch. 6

yan!capitano x wife!reader

summary | or in which capitano is told he needs a wife. and he begrudgingly agrees.

previous | next

“M’lady,” your maid bowed to you as she opened your carriage door. After getting ready for the day, you had quickly left the house with your maid following after.

“Thank you,” you said as your attention was soon brought to the bookstore. It was the best one that Snezhnaya has with a grand selection all around. Just thinking about what books you could get today excited you to no end.

“Back again,” the cashier said with a grin as you entered the bookstore. Smiling sheepishly at being recognized so easily, you nodded, “it seems I just can’t stay away,” you answered.

“Your patronage is always appreciated. If you need help finding anything, please don’t be afraid to ask.”

You pondered her words for a moment, before nodding to yourself, “about that. Do you think you can give me some book recommendations?”

The cashier immediately brightened at your words as she clapped her hands together, “I would be happy to! I have some favorites that I have just been dying to share with people, but its always hard to find people who are interested in the same thing…”

“Well,” you started, “I’ve been told that I would read just about anything. Back at the Hearth I would resort to reading cookbooks or how to manuals if I ran out my normal reading material.”

The cashier chuckled at your words, “well, not to worry, I won’t be recommending anything like that,” she moved from behind the counter and gestured for you to follow, “come on, I’ll show you where my favorite section is.”

When she turned to walk off you and your maid followed.

“And here we are,” she stopped in front an aisle and walked into it, and as she would run her fingers along the spines of the book she stopped on a specific one, “this one was just too good,” she said as she pulled it out, but before she handed it to you, she hesitated.

“Something wrong,” you asked.

“Well.. how do you feel about romance books?”

“Oh! I like them a lot! It’s one of my favorites honestly.”

“And what about romance with a little… spice to it?”

Spice? You weren’t exactly sure what that meant…

“Uhm, sure. I’m fine with that too.”

“Perfect!”

Her hesitation was long gone as she handed the book to you, “Arkan is by far the perfect fictional man by the way, he’ll have you wishing you were in the book!”

You looked down at the title as she handed it to you.

Most of the romance books you read were short fantasy stories, and most of the time the main characters only had titles and didn’t have names. Like the book Capitano was reading to you. The princess, knight, and the prince didn’t have any names or stuff like that. So, having a romance book with characters who had actual names may be a good change of pace.

“Thank you! Do you by chance have any other recommendations?”

“Of course!”

Throughout the rest of the time you spent there, the cashier lady kept telling you the level of spice of a book which continued to confuse you, but not wanting to seem like an idiot you kept acting like you knew what she was talking about. Though, luckily, she did give you some books to buy that didn’t have any “spice” in them whatsoever.

“M’lady,” your maid said as you both finally made it back to the manor.

“Yes,” you asked as you helped her carry the many books you had bought today.

“You… do know what that cashier meant, right?”

“About what?”

“Spice.”

You two had made it to the library easily, the both of you quickly setting the books down to give your arms a break.

“Uhm… about that,” you said with a sheepish look on your face, “not really.”

Your maid seemed to blush lightly at your words as she reached for your hand, “then please excuse me, I don’t know how to tell you this but…”

“But what?”

“The amount of spice in a book correlates to the amount of sexual content it has.”

Your maid broke it down to you as if she was telling you that your pet dog died.

“Hah?”

It took a few moments for your brain to properly register what she had just told you, “HAAAAAAH?!?!?!”

You broke your hand free from her grasp as immediately slapped both of your hands to your burning hot cheeks, “what do you mean?!?!!? Are you telling me that I just b-bought- bought sex books?!”

“Well,” she said, “its not like every single page is specifically sex, but if its super spicy then I can guarantee you that there will probably be a lot of it…”

You crouched down to the floor, your hands falling from your red, hot cheeks as you went to hug yourself. You couldn’t believe this was happening.

You heard of sex, of course, but you never once did it yourself nor do you know how to do it. Hell, even when the other older girls in the hearth started talking about their “experiences” and even how they pleasure themselves alone you would always run out of the room. You always thought that that it was a topic you didn’t need to know, but of course that all changed when you literally got married a mere few days ago. Which, of course, is why you get so nervous every time the word consummate left Capitano’s mouth.

“M'lady?”

She crouched down next to you as she laid her hand on your back as if she was trying to soothe you.

“Yeah?”

“You shouldn’t feel embarrassed. You didn’t know.”

“I know, but if Capitano finds out then that will just be another dumb thing I did that he’ll add to the list… I haven’t exactly been giving him the best impressions you know.”

Your maid patted your back, “don’t worry, he doesn’t have to know.”

Once again, your mind took a few moments to comprehend what she said, “h- huh? You- you aren’t going to tell him that I accidentally bought these types of books?”

Your maid shook her head, “of course not.”

You sniffled a little, “should we- should we take them back?”

Your maid shook her head at that, “to be honest, I think reading about sex will be easier for you than asking someone about it. I mean,” she giggled, “you and Lord Capitano have to consummate the marriage at some point.”

You scoffed, “I can’t believe you’re laughing at me!”

“I’m sorry, but it is kind of funny!”

You huffed and looked away from her causing her to laugh again before patting your back once again, “but I am serious. Reading books like that can at least give you an idea of what to do.”

You sighed and thought it over. As much as you hated to admit it, she was right. You had no one to ask about how to properly have sex with someone and you definitely didn’t want to ask Father or Capitano about it. And you know you would be a laughingstock to the others at the Hearth if you asked them…

Maybe reading about it will help after all? Besides, it would be less embarrassing since it means you wouldn’t have to ask anyone, and as long as Capitano doesn’t find out about it, then you won’t have to crawl under a rock or try to explain yourself on how you accidentally bought some not so safe books.

“So?”

You sighed, “well, it would be better to read then ask about it, I guess…, but please. I’m being for real, don’t tell anyone about my screw up today.”

“Of course, m’lady.”

Right then and there, a new friendship bloomed. You learned that her name was Atri and in return you asked if she would stop calling you m’lady. She said she would, but only when no one else was around. To which you were you happy with.

taglist

@nas-ha @simp-simp-no-mi @emmathecouchpotato4583 @sendria @riotakire @littlekohai77 @lvtuss @kreishin @floffytofu @nastylilcvnt @mikoslightnovels @feral-childs-word @barbatoss-bitch @venicecherryblossom @squirrelboxer @temperamentupgrade @avalordream @immahuman @xavlyzn @greensunflowerjuna @sarah22447 @naviabestgiirl @nevermoresworld @depressedbearblogs @ppancakesforu @0vendettaself @lilyalone @mochiivqi

some say "no blogs found" when I try to add them </3

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hey, allo anon with an ace partner here. I wanted to say thank you so much for the well wishes! I figured I would send this in here again, so anyone else who is curious about what this experience looks like from the other side can see it.

My girlfriend came out to me a little over 2 years into our relationship. At the time it surprised me a lot, because she'd never given me any signs that she wasn't enjoying what we were doing. After we talked more I understood that she wasn't repulsed by sex and she didn't hate it, but she didn't really love it either and wanted to stop doing it for a while (so a sex-neutral ace).

Honestly, at the time, I did get anxious about it. Not just because of social conventions, but because I had viewed sex as an important bonding part of our relationship. I don't do well with change, and I was super worried about how a lack of sex would change our dynamic. I also had some insecurities about my own body, and my girlfriend admitting that she didn't see me as sexy was upsetting. But after speaking to my therapist, I realized that I was projecting my own issues on to the relationship. So I spoke with her again, and she reassured me that she wanted to be with me, and that she was confiding these feelings because she trusted me. She likes how I look, she just doesn't have the same sexual impulses I do.

So, I realized this was pretty much like cuddling. I love physical touch a lot, and I want to cuddle for a much longer time than she does. I like it when someone lies on top of me. She doesn't want me on top of her chest during cuddling. She still cuddles with me, but she tells me when she's satisfied, and we stop.

A few months went by, and I noticed that she wasn't spending any less time with me; she was actually spending more. We would still call every evening when we didn't meet up in person, we would still joke around, and she still told me she loved me and did everything she could to show it to me. We also began trying out new stuff together, and playing games and watching stuff more often. We also still had plenty of physical intimacy with things like cuddling and kissing, which made me really happy.

I realized that I didn't feel like anything was missing from the relationship. I just needed her to show and tell me she loved me in the ways she normally did. Sure, I am still attracted to her that way, but it wasn't something that would make or break the relationship.

It's been years since she came out, and at this point, I never expect anything sexual. It happens rarely, and I always check in with her multiple times before and during. We stop at any point she tells me. There are quite a few hard boundaries about what is and isn't off limits, and I always keep them in mind. I would rather satisfy myself forever than make her uncomfortable, and she knows it.

It's been over 5 years and we are still going strong. I am hoping to ask her to marry me in the next few years, because honestly, I can't picture wanting anyone else by my side. She is kind, funny, beautiful, intelligent, and treats me well. I could never ask for anything more from a partner.

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. I myself definitely lack knowledge of what it feels like from an allo's perspective, so this was very educational for me, but beyond that... You have no idea how much hope this gives me.

From you being aware of how much sex meant to you in the context of your relationship and still being fine without it, to just... Heck, even your therapist for not blaming her for the situation. Therapy is still very much, in my country at least, an area where the absence or lower levels of sexual attraction will be hastily labelled as something wrong physically or mentally, so... Yeah, the amount of relief I felt reading that, you have no idea. And I can only imagine how much your partner appreciates it too.

Honestly I teared up a bit reading this - I sincerely wish you guys all the best and I hope you have a bright future ahead! (Also fun fact, seems you guys have been together as long as my partner and I have, it's nice to be able to relate to that too hehe^^)

[yanaleese]

if ur fine with nsfw asks, could you maybe do some nsfw headcannons for karma? <3

maybe just the basics like dom/sub, how he acts in the bedroom ect ect (can u tell i never send asks HELP 😭)

if not that's perfectly okay! some sfw ones could be cute too, like his favorite way to cuddle or his love language??

anyways im obsessed with him and had to send in an ask 😪 thank u for blessing me with this wonderful man

LMAO no problem! Also Anon I feel you with the obsession...my friend and I were both simping harder than our willpower to do our exams 😭😭😭😭

Also since this is the first NSFW ask I've decided to split this up into separate posts later on+ a little art to tease your weak heart ❤️. Please enjoy reading what's under the cut.

Content warning: FEMALE reader, HARD explicit smut, detailed kinks such as impregnation, overstimulation, all that good stuff. Please note that this is for 17+ audiences only.

"WAIT! KARMA! THE CAMERA-"

CRASH!!!

Karma Sangre - Normal NSFW:

When Karma is calm and collected, he's the one usually in control. But if you want to play the dom in the relationship, he's happy to step down! Just make sure you let him know, otherwise he'll take that as a challenge and his excuse to fuck the living shit out of you.

Usually before things get steamy, he'll be worshipping your body with kisses and teasing you with all kinds of lewd words from A to Z. When he's horny, he's a lot more talkative, which makes both his raspy voice and soft lips a dangerously sexy combination. It gets even worse when his steamy voice presses against your ears, tempting you into giving in to his lustful wishes.

Once he hears you plead in sexual frustration, he'll begin licking and biting his favorite spots - your earlobe, your tits, your neck. He especially goes after the neck, making sure that your collarbone is left with some bloody bites.

After littering your body in saliva and bites, Karma will book a one-way ticket to Pussyland. To him, missing out on stimulating your clit is missing a chance at seeing you squirm, moan and whimper just by his tongue alone. The piercing on his tongue doesn't help either, as it quickens your climax even further.

Satisfied seeing your pussy drenched in his saliva and your cum, he'll kindly rub your entrance slowly, starting with one digit, and eventually his entire hand. Well, that depends on how long you want to play the 'tough girl' act.

If you decide to go down that route, say your prayers, because your pussy is going to be obliterated...with toys. What, did you think disobedient girls like you get cock? Please. If there's one thing Karma can't turn down is a challenge. By turning down Karma, you lose your privileges of being his personal fleshlight. But hey, at least you can be his personal toyfucker instead!

Now if you decide to be docile, and play the "good girl" act, you can kiss your legs, your pussy and your pride goodbye. With that 7-inch erect cock, your folds will be spasming and tightening so much that it'll drive both you and Karma mad. The poor mattress will be creaking constantly as that veiny cock of his pounds fucking deep into pussy, begging to cum straight into your fertile womb.

Whilst you're struggling to take the pleasure, Karma will be busy murmuring in Spanish about how good you feel as he holds your legs over his shoulder, his huge hands rubbing and licking your aroused nipples before burying his moans in it with words like "Te amo" + "Ven conmigo" and so much more; Duolingo would be so proud of you!

When you're both about to climax, he roughly grabs your chin, pulling you in a tongue-twisting kiss. From the kiss alone, you can already feel your eyes rolling to the back of your head, barely registering the warm, gooey liquid dripping from your pussy to your twitching legs.

As you try to recover by taking deep breaths, you're hit with the reality that your amazing, horny boyfriend is (un)fortunately an amazing bodybuilder with more strength and stamina than your body can take.

Staring at him with a mix of lust and horror, you whine and mewl, sounding like a dying cat. Yes, you loved this sneaky bastard - but dear Lord you needed a break.

"Sleep, Mami. You'll need it." He slurs while caressing the top of your head, playing with a strand of hair. You felt your eyes beginning to close, blotches of darkness dotting your vision instantaneously, as if on command. Narrowing your eyes, you swore you could see his eyes peeking out of his bangs, revealing his dazed yet sinister gaze.

"Because it's a going to be a long night for you and me."

<>

To learn more about Karma, go here!

If you want to see more Karma content, head over to my inbox!

And thank you Anon, for sending in this ask ❤️.

ALTERNATE VERSIONS - LIGHT VER. + TATTOO-LESS VER.

[scribble-brain-aced]

for pride month, i have:

a list of how the hazbin hotel had their gay awakening. (or lesbian, or bi, or trans, or aroace, pan, etc)

Charlie: she watched Sleeping Beauty, the year after it came out. she looked at Snow White and thought “wow, she’s so pretty.. but also Price Florian.. wait.” because this was in 1938, she didn’t know what bisexuality was, but she knew and accepted her feelings, because it wasn’t a big deal to her. in the 1970s, she found the label for it— bisexuality— and thought “OH THERE’S A NAME FOR THIS, YAY!” and that was that.

Vaggie: when she was still alive, in 2010, a friend sent her a photo of a genderbent character from some TV show, and her first thought was “oh, okay, i see why everyone’s in love with them now. …wait.” she spent the next 20 minutes looking up female versions of characters and realizing “oh. OH THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH” (based on my own story)

Angel: honestly, he can’t really say. he just kinda knew from the beginning that men were just hot, and he’d marry a guy if he could. molly just assumed he meant “yeah, men are just better than women” and went along with it, even though she personally thought both were radiantly beautiful. (she found out what pansexual meant in 1972.)

Husk: he has no idea. if asked, he just shrugs and goes “any hole is a goal, i couldn’t care less.” at one point, Angel just shoved a poster at him, Husk read it and was like “oh. i guess that’s me.” pretty chill reaction, just continued his normal day, but kept thinking “okay, wow, that’s ME.”

Sir Pentious: he just thought all people liked both men and women, but because of societal rules and whatever, they had to wait until they had a crush on the opposite gender. ..what do you mean thats not what being straight is. (he only found out what bisexuality was after he came to the Hotel and Charlie had a bi flag pin. he asked her what country that was, and she had to sit him down to explain the concept of LGBTQ+, and no, it is ABSOLUTELY NOT a mental illness, wtf, you’re fine, buddy, go be happy.)

Alastor: post-season 1, like three people separately wished him a happy asexual awareness week and he was so confused, he asked Angel to look up ‘a sexual’ on his phone because he couldn’t find anything at the library. (he was looking at the outdated library in cannibal town.) he read the definition, and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. if anybody heard muffled screaming and somehow-happy-sounding swearing, nobody mentioned it.

Vox: pfft, what? no, he’s not gay! he’s perfectly straight! is it gay to say that men are just as good at women? …Val, what do you MEAN ‘no but yes’? (Valentino explained the entire history of LGBTQ+, stressing bisexuality. Vox just said “okay, okay, hear me out.. there’s a whole month for them, right? their whole thing is rainbows? what if we paint all of our logos rainbow-colored? they’d buy it!” Valentino gave up, because Vox just COULD NOT comprehend what he was trying to say. but he keeps sending bisexual memes to Vox.)

Valentino: he just always knew. come on, everyone’s hot, unless they aren’t. even better if they can be exploited. that’s all there is to it.

Velvette: pfft, she grew up with social media, she’s known about this shit since she was a kid. fuck love, fuck fucking, she’d rather pester Vox into making cheesy garlic bread. the guy’s a bitch, but he makes good cheesy garlic bread.

Baxter: back before he and sir pentious became bitter enemies, they were both talking about.. whatever. at one point, they got on the topic of clothing, and Baxter— then Bella— griped that he hated how dresses felt. too heavy, too annoying, and it made him feel sick, anyway. suits were just better, not just because they’re lighter. man, he wished he were a boy. pentious asked if he wanted to be a boy in general, not just for the suits, and after a moment, Baxter excused himself quickly to go find something in his library, shooing Pentious out of the house. a couple days later, he came out, transitioned, all that. the only reason he doesn’t cut off his light-lure thingy is because it’s useful. other than that, he avoids looking at it as much as possible.

[highladyelenna]

Silver Flames BC

(This is my interpretation. If you don’t like it, or agree with it, that’s fine. I’m not forcing you to agree with me.)

Okay so my first note is that Azriel isn’t envious of his brothers because they have mates. He’s envious of the fact that they love freely, that they are loved. This makes complete sense for Azriel’s character. He is always “the quiet one” always “in the shadows” due to his childhood. He was never allowed to freely express his feelings. He was never loved. He probably thinks he will never be loved. It’s very understandable he’s envious of his brothers because they don’t feel the way he does. This doesn’t mean he wishes they weren’t happy. It means he wishes he was.

Elain so the one who’s dictating this whole situation. She is the one who’s moving doorways. The one who is making the moves.

If she doesn’t like Azriel, if she doesn’t want to be with him, if she wants to be with Lucien (who’s in the same house) why go to Azriel? Why not go knock on Lucien’s door? Elain is making her own decisions and I applaud her for this!

Azriel, thinking of Elain for a year. Keeping some gag gift for him to look at. To think of her. But right yes it’s only lust.

If you’ve never had an interest in someone where you share glances, small touches, and it doesn’t send your heart beating. If all those small touches, lingering gazes, didn’t build up the tension of that said relationship so much..then i guess I can see why you don’t understand this scene..and I feel sorry for you.

And can this fandom stop vilifying mural sexual attraction? ITS NORMAL. It happens. People are sexually attracted to people. PEOPLE HAVE SEX.

Elaine feeling rejected by this?? Why would she be so hurt if she only wanted sex???

I can’t add anymore pictures so I’ll add quotes.

“Rhys’ power rippled through the room like a dark cloud. “I’m talking about you about to kiss Elain in the middle of the hall where anyone could see you.” He snarled. “Including her mate.”

“Oh, I can, and I will. If Lucien finds out you are persuading her he has every right to defend their bond as he sees fit. Including a blood duel.”

To those sayjng Rhys is trying to be controlling. No, he’s thinking like a leader does. If Azriel kills Lucien then the night court will lose many if not all allies they have worked so hard to gain.

Also notice how RHYS IS THE ONE TO BRING UP THE DUEL?? So many people saying Azriels fantasizing about killing Lucien when he’s literally never mentioned it before.

Azriel is also the only person so far that has mentioned out loud that Elain has no interest in Lucien. Hmmm.

Also, y’all are LYINGGG if you’ve never had a crush on someone and thought that you could treat them better than any other person. Even though Azriel never treats Lucien badly. she literally didn’t give Elain the necklace with everyone because of Lucien. He stays away from them, gives them space.

And Azriel giving away the necklace because he couldn’t bear to see it?? I think that’s more important than him giving it to Gwyn. Especially when he says “If there’s any other priestess that will appreciate it, give it to them.” So, he went to give it to Gwyn but didn’t want her to know it’s from him, then said actually just give it to anyone. Why would you want this to be a staple of your ship? Like not judging but how would that work? If she wore the necklace that he originally gifted to Elain then regifted? Think about how awful that’d make Gwyn feel.

Anyways. That’s just my little rant.

[jowrites]

XOXO - 21. Time heals everything

Main Masterlist Here

Prev. Next.

TW: Sexual Themes, cursing, physical violence, THIS CHAPTER MENTIONS insecurities, depression, Bipolar disorder, undelrines of suicide, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK more to be added...

taglist: @n1k1mura @graythecoffeebean

It’s been 3 months since graduation and 4 months since everything happened. Things moved fast and everything died down just as quickly. Heeseung moved into YNs apartment as the two began looking for a bigger place for the baby, her loft was not child friendly nor was it big enough. Heeseung’s internship was going well and he knew he’d be getting a permanent job with the company soon, while YN stayed home most days and painted. She was a trust fund baby, but she still graduated in the Fine arts with a minor in Marine Biology, another passion of hers.

Everyone just moved on from what happened, as if it didn’t happen. YN could tell Heeseung is still hurt by everything, as one would feel the ultimate betrayal. He’s learned to smile again and feel more alive because he knows he has his future to look forward to. But deep down, Heeseung still longs for his best friend and wonders how he’s doing these days. There are days after a good doctor's appointment he wished he could run to his best friend and show him the baby, or when they found out the sex and he wanted to rave about it with his friend. But he couldn’t. He missed his friend.

It was very early in the morning when Heeseung decided to get up for his morning jog. He normally goes in the evenings after work but this time he couldn’t sleep, so he got up early, left a big kiss on YNs head and went out for a run. The sun wasn’t even up but he didn’t care because it would soon be rising. There was a nice park with a lake that was close by to the apartment, and he found himself jogging around it just as the sun was about to rise. He slowed down to catch his breath, stopping the time on his watch and just walking. The glow of the sun is beginning to make it easier to see and Heeseung just took in the nice air.

His eyes landed on someone sitting on a bench by the lake. He knew that silhouette from anywhere. Heeseung stopped in his tracks, just staring at his ex-friend who was just sitting there staring into the water. Soon, Heeseung found himself walking over and sitting beside him. 

���It’s been a while.”

Jake snapped from his daze and turned and looked to his side, seeing Heeseung staring off into the distance. Jake didn't know if he should walk away or throw himself into the lake. He had two options here.

“If you’re thinking about jumping in, I’d rather you not. I don’t have my swim trunks on and I hate wet clothes,” Heeseung said. 

“I wasn’t, I was just…” Jake said, trailing off. What was Jake doing? Jake didn’t even realize the sun was coming up, and now he knew he’d been sitting there all night just staring. “What time is it?”

“A little past 4:30,” Heeseung said. “How long have you been out here?”

 “Oh,” Jake said, the realization hitting him in the face. “I guess a while.”

There was a silence between the two boys, not one knowing who should talk first, or what to say. Jake had a lot to say he just wasn’t sure if he was invited to say.

“How have you been?” Jake asked, finding the courage and going for it.

“Alright, busy. Work is good, YN is thriving and the baby is coming soon so we’re looking for a bigger apartment,” Heeseung said, Jake heard shuffling beside him and Heeseung was closer, handing him a photo. Jake took it and examined it, seeing how much the baby had grown. “We’re having a boy.”

Hearing those words and seeing how Heeseung was so open to sharing this with him made Jake crash. Tears began to fall from his eyes as he tried to sniffle them away, handing the photo back to Heeseung and quickly wiping his face. 

“I’m happy for you, I always knew you’d be a great dad,” Jake said. “I regret everything, you know? Every single day. I wish I could just just call you, talk to you about whatever. Play games with you again. I let the stupidest insecurity get in the way and it ruined our friendship. I’m so sorry, Heeseung. I never gave you a proper apology and I will forever, for the rest of my life be entirely sorry and regretful. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, or YNs, but I am forever sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Heeseung said and Jake stopped and stared at him.

“No, no, don't forgive me. I deserve the punishment,” Jake said, a frown on his face.

“No, I forgive you. So does YN, she’s told me. Jake, what you did was not okay, not at all. But when I look at it from your perspective, I’m no better than you. Insecurities and jealousy like that can destroy someone on the inside, and I’m sure your inner turmoil is just as bad, and I know how bad your anxiety can be. You always seem to be this cool, laid back guy…but you let your self hatred destroy you. I was very angry, for 2 months I had this rage…and then I got sad and I let time heal me as did YN,” Heeseung explained.

“I’ve been going to therapy, you know? I let what happened really…it wasn’t good, but I’ve been getting help and you’re right. My self hatred destroyed something beautiful,” Jake sighed. 

“I’m glad you’re getting help, Jake,” Heeseung said. “It can take a while but, we have years of history and I miss my best friend.”

Jake sat there and nodded, the tears never stopped; he'd just been wiping them away. Heeseung checked the time and sighed, He stood up and held out his arms and Jake stood up and gave him a firm hug. Heesueng held his old friend close, feeling like all the blood was finally washed away. Scars would remain but scars can also heal. 

“Make sure you call me, okay? Let’s move on and get past this…but this time together. You tell me, Sim Jaeyun, when you need a friend,” Heeseung told him and Jake nodded.

“Thank you, Heeseung. Thank you!” Jake cried into his friend's shoulder, Heeseung just patted his head and nodded.

“Why were you out here anyways?” Heeseung asked when Jake began to calm down.

“I had a rough therapy session last night and I was just walking and I guess this is where I ended up. I really don’t remember how I got here or how much time passed if I’m being honest,” Jake said. 

“You’ve been here all night?” Heeseung asked, concern filling his chest.

“Yeah, I guess. Man, I feel so fucking tired. All. The. Time,” Jake said. 

“Okay, let me take you home, this isn’t good,” Heeseung studied Jake's face then, and saw how much weight he’s lost and the dark circles under his eyes. Jake was always such a handsome man, but right now Heeseung was worried. Jake looked ill. “Actually, my apartment is closer. Let me take you there so you can rest.”

Jake didn’t fight him on this, his mind still numb and his body still ached. The weight of everything he did came crashing on him like 100 boulders all at once. Jake punished himself for everything, taking it out on his body and mind. His father was the one who forced him to get help when it started getting bad. Deep down, this was nothing new. Jake had always been like this, finally getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder and feeling like the whole world hated him and that he deserved it. He was just good at hiding it until he couldn’t anymore.

***********************************

YN was up by the time Heeseung and Jake reached the apartment. She was in the kitchen making some coffee when she heard the door open. She came around the corner, the smile on her face suddenly dropping as she saw Heeseung carrying an almost passed out Jake around his arms.

“Is that Jake? Holy shit, is he homeless now?” She asked as she rushed over to help Heeseung put Jake on the couch.

“Hi, YN,” Jake said, barely above a whisper.

“Ran into him on my jog, he needs to rest,” Heeseung said and YN just nodded.

“Did you talk to him, though?” YN asked as Jake laid down, his eyes closed and soon was out on the couch.

“Yeah, we’re good. I really don’t think he’s good,” Heeseung said. 

“He looks…sick?” YN said as she observed him.

“To say he’s been punishing himself is an understatement,” Heeseung said. 

“What an idiot,” YN said. “Anyways, I made some coffee.”

“Thanks, baby,” Heeseung came up and gave her a kiss on the lips. “I’m gonna go shower.”

“Oh, I need one too, I'm joining,” YN said.

“Lead the way, Sweetheart.”

[mai-irumi]

Happy Pride!!!

Not Iruma related this time, just me related!

I just feel the necessity because I'm part of the LGTBI+ community (I'm not sure if I've spell that right I always get it twisted) I'm part of the + part! (Also known as the usually forgotten) And I'm actually a double A like the batteries !

But you might ask, what's a double A Mai?

It's a term I invented right now! Just to refer to the aroace people, like me!

But... what is aroace?

Aroace is the shortened way of spelling aromantic and asexual, and we consider aroace people when they feel none or low attraction romantically and sexually

But that's impossible! Everyone loves people, are you psychopaths?!

Wrong! You can love people if you're aroace, or just aromantic, or maybe you're only asexual. There's plenty ways of love, but most people tend to mix it up, you can date someone and none of you want sex out of it (Wich should be more normalized, sex isn't everything in this life), or you could date someone and only want sex out of that person! Okay I bet that is the one you're more used to, but there are other types, for example there's platonic love, that's the one you have with your friends, and there's also the attraction one, that's the one you feel when you like the looks of someone. I could keep going on with the types of loves, but it's better If you get at least the simple idea.

I still don't get it, so you guys don't date people?

Once again, wrong! We can date people, because as I said before not all of us feel zero affection, I'm going to focus on the aroace spectrum because I'm on it, but it can also apply to only asexual or only aromantic . So okay let's put like the romantic love is sized in percentages, most people would have an 80% 70%, but in my case it'd be more of a 5ish %

So Mai, do you not love people?

I do not love the way most people do, but I can assure you that my platonic love is also stronger than yours. But I'll talk of that later. I have a 5%, but some aromantic people have a 20%, and you probably don't understand what that means right? It means they can fall in romantic love, but is harder for them, in most of the cases they need to have a strong bond with that other person to even think about something happening! Everyone got it? (If not just send me an ask 😉) In the ace spectrum it's the same but applied with sex, in my case I feel 0% attraction, when most people is 80% (I'd dare to say higher since our society is so overly sexualized) and I'd dare to say this case is tricky, because not everyone consider the same things sexual and feels good with it, in my case I can't handle kisses (in the mouth, neck or any other areas but the cheeks), holding hands feels uncomfy and obviously any type of sex is a no no. But there's some people that maybe have a 5% and feel like yes to kisses, or that have more than a 5 and like sex when they have a proper bond. In this case I like to show the 3 types of asexuals to me, the disgusted one (me), the unaffected one, and the confidence one.

Those names are tricky, I don't get them

Calm,calm I'm going to explain them. So the disgusted one, this one is easy to me because I'm part of it, and I think is the one most infantilized, and basically we feel disgusted by sexual activities, in my case I'm totally fine reading about it if it's on a book or like that, but the moment is me the one put on a situation like that I feel disgusted, you probably will think that happens to everyone when you don't like the person, but the thing is that is not the person but the action, so things like masturbation at least to me is a nono, but there's plenty of asexuals that can do it, after all it's a very big spectrum, and the best you can do if your partner is ,is asking their boundaries and RESPECT THEM!

So now there's the one I call unaffected, these people are indifferent to it, they're the one that will do it if their partner wish it, although in many cases they won't get any of it. I'm sad I can go on more on this one, but the truth is I don't know as much as someone who is it, so if there's anyone there who would want to explain their experience, I'm all ears!

And... the confidence one, this are the people that won't feel like sex unless they have a good bond. This type makes me feel sad, because it's one that I consider is less respected, you can see it all over media how our culture tends to force this people to have sex when they're not ready.

It must be fine being aroace, right? You guys don't have as many prejudices as other parts of the community

Guess what! Wrong! Although being asexual can be pretty good seen in women, when it happens on their counterpart, men, society don't accept it, because this world we live in is happy when women wait for marriage for sex, but expect men to have had sex by the age of 15

And the funny part is that when you use aromanticism, is the exact opposite, Is good on men because they're supposed to be strong and over those feelings, but lord have mercy if you're a woman and you don't expect to date anyone ever, people expect women to be just for love, it's pretty easy to see that, since every time you see a woman in media, in most of the occasion they do everything for love, specially romantic love.

Well that was all I could think of, but if anyone wishes to ask something or to learn something, just ask me! I'm happy to help! And it's fine if you aren't sure of what you're, I started thinking I was bisexual, turns out I wasn't that wrong, I do feel the same for everyone, the thing is that I don't feel anything! (Romantically and sexually)

[pinkrifle]

hear me out

reader is a girl n she meets princess kenny and she knows it’s just kenny, a guy but she constantly battles her sexuality over it—but eventually giving in and asking princess kenny out on a date, disregarding gender,, :3c this is gnn be a series cuz “ i aint writing allat” and nobody’s gnna read an entire 3 pages worth of this (realistically)

— tags: @trevvylovesspence

— ✦ heart to heart ♡

i stepped up to kingdom Kupa Keep to meet the newfound princess, princess kenny—never expecting her to be so majestic, beautiful, stunning, adorable.. what other words could i possibly use to describe this girl? it only makes sense how she was selected princess. boy do these people have taste,,

i started to play this new game with my class and my best friends, stan, kyle, cartman and kenny. so far i find it nice! i mean it’s kind of a better DND. but not for super-nerds. just regular nerds.

walking up to the *very beautiful* majesty i bow my head down slightly towards her, making sure i never took my eyes off (who would want to anyway :3) “hello, dear princess kenny!!” i greet her, smiling at her—fixing my hair to make sure i don’t look like a bum in-front of this adorable babe. “huhu! hello! i understand you know my name, but yours is?”

“ooh! im [namey name ;3] im sure evryone has told you, but your so elegant!” i remind her, staring into her beautiful deep purple eyes. i notice her brush off her dress, scoff and a tiny blush spread across her hooded face. “wh- well thank you! i actually don’t get that a lot, so i appreciate that :)” she retorts in an even softer tone from her normal confident and wavy voice, cupping her left cheek with her left hand.

“[namey name], why don’t you come over to my palace for some tea, if you wish?” princess kenny proposes a brilliant idea, i assume that’s a regular thing <3 “of course! i would be more than happy to spend an afternoon with Kupa Keep’s princess. :3” i silently-shriek out loud, watching all the people of the fellow kingdom stare at me in envy. “well for now, why don’t we take a walk?”

her big eyes bat her eyelashes and before i can answer wit an exaggerated yes she carefully gets up off of her throne, taking my hand in her soft, gloved, hand. i stare at her in awe and start gliding my feet along with hers across the ol backyard we stood in, i feel amazing with princess kenny with me.

it’s something i havent felt before, is it a lovely envy? is it admiration? it can’t be love, no way,, i just met this girl! i remind myself. the word girl stains my mind… girl girl girl girl. why am i feeling like this if we’re both girls? you know what.. that’s the least of my concerns, as far as i know it’s just kenny, not a real girl.

but why am i upset that he isn’t a “real girl”? i thought that if i let myself realize princess kenny was really a boy, my worries would set aside, but i only got more and more upset, confused :( i stare at the ground as i feel my body tug—“[namey name] is everything alright? what was with that sudden stop is the weather too cold?” she questions me, cara mia! how i love hearing her say my name. it’s like angels have come down from heaven and had graced me with their voice.

“oh, yeah i’m alright!i just had to think about a little something for a sec, we can continue now &lt;3” i reassure her, telling her she had nothing to worry about and i was fine with walking with her, hell i knew so well i was more than fine walking with her. “well i hope that something wasn’t making you upset! we can always do something else if you wish, you are the guest after all :)” she stops me in the middle of the sidewalk, taking my forearms into her hands—staring at me with innocent eyes. “wha?! of course not! but i would be open to do anything you want to!” i bluff. it was practically love at first sight with this girl! i couldn’t tell her how i feel right now..

as we keep walking we chat up a storm, playfully grabbing each others hands, giggling, blushing, looking away.. <;3 “huhu— [namey name]! such a flirt! who would have known a lady like you could be so charming!” she’d compliment me from time to time, making my cheeks heat up. “well look at you! who wouldn’t wanna charm such an eye candy of a prin,,,,” i’d wanna retort, but get cut off by elves swarming infront of us. “GET THE PRINCESS FIRST” i hear one of them yell, without a thought in mind i swoop princess kenny off her feet, bridal style and begin darting down the way we came.

picking up the pace i take my wand out of a pocket in my cloak and cast some spell at the top of my head, it knocks the elves back and i keep running with the maiden. huffing and almost out of breath i get back to Kupa Keep and alert the people that elves were coming to wreak havoc. setting the princess down behind a rather large tree as i hide with her i assume someone’s keeping watch of the stick. i yell to everyone that sit infront of us, rather far away from our hiding spot that the elves are coming.

“oh thank you, thank you [namey name]! for i could have gotten much more than hurt back there,,” she clamors, very faintly shaking with some sort of fear. “we’re gonna be alright princess, i promise you. these slimy elves can do nothing to your glowing kingdom.” i hesitate to say your, as i want to say our. but how could i be thinking of love in a striking time like this? who wouldn’t wanna think of loving a beautiful princess in a striking time like this.

as i hear one final shriek before the backyard goes silent, i look at princess kenny as she looks back at me. i nod and smile as i hold her even tighter, emerging from the tree. watching as a final elf gets dragged out, i set princess kenny down and we cheer in unison as everyone else in the kingdom follows along. princess kenny settles everyone down as she takes a hand and places it in my direction.

“everyone, i don’t think we would have gotten this done as fast as we did without the help of my lovely mage, [namey name].” she announces, and everyone looks at me as i have a short smile on my face, waving out to the kingdom.

UHHH THSI IS PART 1 MUEHEHE… I HOPE UUY GUYS ENJOYED!! i am so excited i finally got yhis out YIPEEEE

update log (u can ignore idk)

pdate one [writing]: 11:38 pm 6/4/23

upd8 two [finishing, publishing] 1:47 pm 7/4/23

[whumping-valentine]

🦌 Fawn and Hunter - Part 8 🦌

"Fawn's Punishment"

Content: Restraints, belts, intended non-sexual spanking, defiant whumpee, unearthed childhood trauma, slight nsfw warning (or full nsfw warning idk where y'all would draw that line. Basically whumpee accidentally finds out they have a kink. This is the only time the series will get nsfw.)

1,600 words

Hey, part 8! Who's ready for our little Fawn to finally get put in their place? I know I am! :)

Sorry for my absence recently. A few weeks ago my brother and his friend dragged me out to chaperone a concert 2 hours away when I was starting to feel sick, and I'm disabled and couldn't sit the entire time unless it was on the floor, then I got the full on FLU, then while sick I started my period, and I haven't been able to do anything for over a week. I couldn't focus and was angry and depressed about it and how sick I felt but whatever. In all honesty it was awful. And then my pet turtle died and my brother got into a car accident (he's fine).

It's been stressful, though now I'm finally ready to get back in the swing of things. I'm not too happy with this part but I blame the aforementioned reasons for it. It feels choppy and weird but whatever. I'm just gonna hit post and get it done with.

Anyways, yeah, hope you like it!! 💕

       Fawn was once again tied to the bed upstairs. Though rather than being able to lay on it, their hands were bound behind their back, tied to the bedpost as they sat on their knees. They’d spent hours trying to desperately break free, though it was all for naught. All that they were left with were sore, bruised wrists, embedded with rope marks. Not to mention how bad their knees hurt, unable to switch positions.

       They were so sick and tired of everything. Of being angry, scared, fatigued, and hurt. Constantly fighting between their beating, anxiety-ridden heart and their uncaring anger. They were more mad at Hunter than anything, but their stupid disorder fought against them. It made them afraid. Afraid when they didn't want to be. If they didn't have anxiety, life would be so much easier.

       No being fearful of anything unnecessary. No feeling like you're running a marathon while sitting at home in bed. No nausea or sensation of vomiting. No aches and pains and panic attacks. No fear.

       Yet here they were, feeling like they were about to have a heart attack, hands shaking, almost a sensation like they were being set on fire. Like they could feel the blood surging down their arms to their hands. Fear and anger were their least favorite emotions, yet they were the only ones they could feel. They weren't normally so feisty and vulgar. Though despite how much of it they threw at Hunter, they saw right through them.

       They saw how soft they really were. How small, fragile, and pathetic. They hated all of it. Being perceived as both mean and feeble. Their fighting was their coping mechanism, the swears, the kicks, the biting back. They hated being perceived as weak.

       Soft, yes. But that doesn't mean weak.

       Most people don't get that.

      Though now, they were tired of being strong. In this moment, they were weak. They loathed it. They wanted to fight back, and cry, but nothing ever changes when they do because to Hunter it means nothing. Now here they were, on their knees in a dark cold room waiting for Hunter to do God knows what to them.

       Fawn was a lot like Hunter in the sense that they just wanted to be left alone. Fawn wanted to go back to their new old home, back to the animal shelter, back to working a simple daylight job at the gas station. Keeping to themself, nature, and animals. Not being perceived at all.

       Unfortunately, that was merely just a wish. The door to a room creaked open, light entering from the hall as Hunter stood in the doorway. Fawn refused to look at them. A tense moment was held in the air as neither made a sound, Hunter just standing there while Fawn kept their head down. After a while, Hunter stepped into the room.

       “So,” they said, “you think you can rummage through my things and destroy them? Tear them to shreds?”

       “They weren’t your things. They were missing posters.” Fawn grumbled in discontent, still keeping their head down. Hunter grabbed their hair and forced them to look up, smacking them harshly across the face with their other hand.

       “You are in no place to be talking black to me, especially not right now! You wanna destroy my fucking things? Then I’ll destroy you right back.” They said, a growl to their tone. They untied the rope from the bed post and yanked them to their feet, grabbing onto their arms.

       "Grrr, let go of me!" Fawn yelled and kicked as Hunter tightened the grip on their fragile arms, pushing them out of the room as they hopelessly fought.

       “No, you need to be taught a lesson.”

       "No! No I don't! Fuck you!"

       “Yeah, yeah. Keep yelling. That’ll help.”

       Hunter dragged them to a chair, roughly throwing them down on it, almost knocking it backwards from the force.

       "Every other time I've hurt you, it's because I've needed to help you out of something you caused. You stepped into my trap, so I took you into my home and fixed your leg. You break my window, so I pick out the pisces and give you stitches. You get sick because you’re a weak little baby, so I take care of you out of the kindness of my heart.” They said semi-sarcastically, “But now I'm afraid it's time for you to face some true consequences."

       “Oh yeah, like fucking what?” Fawn growled, “Do your fucking worst, I don’t care. Fucking shoot me. Kill me like hunters are supposed to do with their prey. Fucking end me, you coward.”

       “Oh, darling little fawn, we’re in far too deep for me to do that now. No, I’ve grown to quite like you. It gets lonely all the way out here, and I find you to be entertaining. You aren't going anywhere, I’m afraid. But you are going to listen to me. My cabin, my rules.”

       Hunter took off their belt, folding it, the leather wearing and peeling off of it. Fawn glared at them, their eyes slowly widening.

       "Hm, what's going through that pretty little head of yours? Relax, if I wanted to do that to you, I would've done it already." Hunter said, approaching them, proceeding to slap them across the face with it. "Besides, I wouldn't want to fuck something that acts like a bratty child."

       "If being a bratty child is the only thing keeping your creepy hands off me, I'll gladly keep it up." Fawn said, not even reacting to the slap.

       “Keep my hands off you, yes. But not my belt.” They hit them again.

       “You know what I meant.” Fawn grumbled, then kicked them in the legs. “Get away from me.”

       “You’re in no position to be making demands at me.”

       “Or fucking what? You’ll smack me with the belt again? Yeah, yeah. Been there, done that a thousand times. You’re supposed to be some serial killer, aren’t you? You're really fucking shitty at it.”

      Hunter pulled their hair, "You wanna act like a brat? Then you can get punished like a brat. Is that the game you want to play? You wanna play that game? Because I can.”

       “Oh, yeah, sure, spank me like a child, why don’t you. That’ll teach me a lesson.”

       “I don’t appreciate your sarcasm.”

       “Yeah well I don’t appreciate being tied up and held hostage by some strange feral person in the middle of the woods, so I guess we’re even.”

       Hunter yanked them up on their feet and threw them over the table so fast and unexpectedly that Fawn yelped. Just as quickly as that happened, they felt their pants get yanked down, and a belt roughly lashed against their bare skin.

        "Ah! What— what are you doing?"

        "What do you think I'm doing? Act like a child and I'll spank you like one." They brought the belt down again.

       Fawn's face blushed red in embarrassment. This was humiliating. It wasn't a sexual spanking, rather they were being spanked like they were a misbehaving kid. It felt like their childhood all over again. Being hit and spanked by their parents for the most trivial of things.

       They'd just finally gotten away from it.

       Now they were right back where they ran away from.

       “What’s the matter? I thought you said this would be like nothing, didn’t you?” Hunter taunted.

       “Y-you— you can’t just spank another adult and have it not be weird!”

       “Hey, you’re the only one making it weird. Why? Do you like being spanked?” Hunter teased, and brought the belt down harder. Fawn jerked and let out a surprised squeal. Hunter chuckled darkly. "I think you do."

"Shut the hell up." Fawn nearly cried. The tone was cracked and scared, not angry. "Stop it. Stop it! I'm not a child, stop it, I'm not— you shouldn't— you can't punish me!"

"Then stop acting like one. That's the point. Because you're a child. It's not my fault you're a freak who likes being hit."

"I do not like it!"

"Yeah, sure. Maybe not by me, but you do. You're clearly humiliated though, which was the goal. So it works."

       Fawn shut their mouth and stayed quiet as Hunter talked and hit them. As if they couldn't make their embarrassment any worse, their brain, throat, and tongue plotted against them, as they involuntarily pleaded, "Mom, stop."

       "Aww, am I reminding you of mommy? Were you spanked as a kid? How sad." They condescended, hitting them harder. “Childhood traumas that turn into adulthood kinks, how unfortunate for you.”

       “No… you... you don’t remind me of my mother.” Fawn said sadly, “You’re far too nice for that.”

       Hunter was about to bring the belt down again, but the statement surprised them, causing them to hesitate, bringing it down in a light tap, rather than a spank.

       Hunter grumbled to themself under their breath, then said, "Fine. You're done. For now." They untied their hands and threw them onto the floor, "Now pull up your pants and get out of my sight. I think you should spend some time alone, be sure to think of me in the process, though."

"Fuck you. Pervert." Fawn spat, and Hunter left.

       They were so mad at themself. How that turned them on. They knew it wasn't their fault, it was just a bodily reaction, but still. They were being spanked by their captor, just like their mother used to do. That shouldn't turn them on!

       They were frustrated in more ways than one, and wanted to rip their hair out. It wasn't supposed to be sexual. Yet here they were, feeling assaulted and ashamed.

       This was not their fucking fault. This was not the consequences of their actions. They wouldn't let Hunter manipulate them with their bullshit. Won’t let them groom them into thinking they’re some kind of authority figure.

       They’d sooner wish for the apocalypse then to be subservient to them.

You're all gonna see a turning point for Hunter the next few chapters, so I hope you're ready for some focus on them. Also this part wasn't originally supposed to get a bit sexual, but that's just where it ended up when I wrote it. Hope it's okay, it's my first time ever putting out anything nsfw so I'm a little bit nervous 😅

Taglist: @parasitebunny @whumpy-wyrms

Lmk in the comments if you want added or removed !

Thank you for reading ! 💕🦌

[dootznbootz]

Hi!! I love your blog and I’m enjoying your Odypen headcanons and theories very much! I recently started reading the Iliad so I’m new to all this and I just want to know your opinion on smth. In song 1, lines 135-140 Agamemnon mentions the bride prizes of several Achaean leaders, including Odysseus. Obviously nothing else is mentioned, no name, just that he has one, too. What’s your take on that? Any headcanons? I honestly hate the whole cheating discourse around him and I don’t want to add more fuel to the fire because in the Odyssey he was clearly a victim!! I would just love to know what you think about this particular thing in the Iliad. Considering the historical and cultural context, having a bride prize was normal in war (albeit awful from our modern standpoint). But Odysseus is a very interesting and complicated character so this could go in many different ways with him, and in any case it doesn’t really change my opinion on his love for Penelope. Thank you! :)

Thank you so much!!! That's so kind! And I'm so happy you're reading the Iliad! I hope you enjoy it! I'm so happy you're enjoying my silly and I DO have many thoughts about it! :D

And very good that either way, it doesn't change your opinion on his love for Penelope. My opinion/interpretation regardless of those lines, that should ALWAYS be the interpretation that people have of Odysseus.

So idk if you've seen my Aspec OdyPen silliness yet and/or my "Odysseus is a half-eunich from the boar". BUT those are my headcanons. (which I can delve into further later)

but I'll go over the canon evidence now. :P

(disclaimer: Slavery is a fucked up thing regardless of the circumstances. this is in no way excusing any of it)

So IDK which translation you're reading, but as someone who's read multiple versions...Some just say "Prize", and with the "it" and "something". I...didn't really see it as a woman and/or specifically a concubine.

Let Achaeans give me another prize, equal in value, something I’ll enjoy. If not, then I’ll take a prize myself by force,                                   something from you or Ajax or Odysseus.

(Book 1, Johnston)

Let the Achaeans find me a prize in fair exchange to my liking, or I will come and take your own, or that of Ajax or of Ulysses; and he to whomsoever I may come shall rue my coming.

(Book 1, Butler)

But if they do not give me such a gift, then I will seize your own prize or Ajax’s or Odysseus’ and carry it away, angering whomever I visit.

(Book 1, Heumann)

So to ME, (I do not know what the actual words said mean) I take "Prize" of "something of equal value" and/or just a slave.

As yeah...My Odysseus is aspec (basically Pen-romantic/Pen-sexual), I kind of plan to WRITE it personally as a bit of a thing with "Grab one of Odysseus' slaves, he doesn't use them as concubines."

And with Odysseus being the one to transport Chryseis, I have it where it's a bit of "I'll go bring her to her father. Take any slave you wish from my tent if you must. I don't care."

Agamemnon dragged a swift ship down the shore, chose twenty sailors, loaded on the oxen, offerings for the god, and led on fair-cheeked Chryseis.          Shrewd Odysseus shipped on as leader. All aboard, they set off, carving a pathway through the sea.

(Book 1, Johnston)

(Also with Ajax and his girlfriend/bride prize, I think this kind of made him extremely worried. My Odysseus and Ajax have "special beef" even BEFORE the war but they are fine about it by the war. Odysseus not only doesn't have a concubine or slave woman he's attached to but he also was helping a bro out in a way lol.)

And Odysseus is a king and a piece of shit. It's horrible but it feels in character for my lil asshole to basically use pretty slaves in trading. "Hey, you like lighthaired girls, yeah? Well, you have that really pretty silver-studded sword...I want it. Would you like to exchange?"

I want to make it clear that I'm not writing like this or interpreting this in the way of "UwU Odysseus is too of a good boy for that." as that feels icky to try and "make everyone else shitty to make him 'better'". It's literally because Odysseus is just simply LIKE this. He has basically no libido/sex drive if Penelope isn't around. (I'm keeping this as safe for wormlings as I can so I'll leave it at that.)

An old wip post explains it more but I'll also put the wip itself here to kind of explain lol

My Odysseus is a "pretty boy" as he is in canon as well, and he hates when people make moves on him.

BUT these are just MY headcanons and/or what I plan to write, while I just don't really vibe with Odysseus being with folks willingly other than Penelope I have big gay for her. I live vicariously through Odysseus. I love her so much I can't stop others and other people COULD find evidence of Odysseus being with others if they truly wanted.

[wild-karrde]

In Command - Part 13

Master List | Previous Part | Next Part

A/N: HAPPY SUNDAY Y'ALL!! Have another chapter! I was gonna try and delay this a bit to overlap with something else, but I am impatient, so here we go. As always, thank you to the wonderful @teletraan-meets-jarvis for beta-reading for me and making sure my ramblings make sense!

Chapter Rating: E

Warnings: explicit sexual content (PiV sex), language, canon-typical violence, graphic injury

Word Count: 9.2k words

Senna felt like she was drifting through a dream. Everything around her seemed muffled and muted, although she was acutely aware of the soreness between her legs and the presence next to her. Rex’s hand rested in the small of her back as they made their way back through the mingling couples in the club, brushing past the cleaning droid that was already heading towards their abandoned booth.

This is fine. 

She barely heard what the Pa’lowick attendant said as they retrieved their jackets and Rex’s hat. She waited patiently as he inspected the street outside the smudged front window of the club. When he was sure it was clear, Rex opened the door, guiding her outside again. 

The cool night air was a welcome sensation, and Senna closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering slightly from the sweat that still slicked her skin. She felt an arm slip around her waist and looked up to find Rex pulling her to his side, giving her a smile. 

“Looks like the coast is clear. It’s a short walk back.” 

She forced a smiled back, falling into step next to him and leaning against him slightly. 

Alright. We were both playing the part. He seems fine. Unbothered even. My work with the rebellion isn’t over. And I just had great sex. And there don’t appear to be hard feelings. 

Great. This is fine. Everything is fine.

He was saying something that she completely missed. 

“Hm?”

“I was asking if you’re still hungry.”

Her stomach was doing flips, and for once, the thought of putting anything into it seemed ill-advised. 

“I’m fine. U-unless you’re hungry?”

“No. No, I’m alright.” 

How is he doing this? Just behaving as if everything is normal? 

And how are you not?

She wasn’t new to casual encounters, but there had been nothing casual about the way he’d touched her, the way he’d said her name. It felt as soothing as bacta on a burn after the months of denial she’d put herself through, but everything about the sex had seemed far more intimate than her usual flings. Flutterings of hope bounced around in her chest, but she was doing everything she could to quash them. In the moment, it had felt as though everything had fallen into place, but now the edges were crumbling. 

You’re imagining it. You’re wishing it was that.  

Rex was right; it was a quick walk. They made it back to the inn and through the lobby without encountering anyone, and luckily for them, a lift was waiting for them on the ground floor. As she punched the number to the floor they were staying on, she felt Rex’s eyes on her. When the doors hissed shut with a metallic click, he closed the space between them, his hand cradling her face and lifting her eyes to meet his. 

“Hey,” he whispered. The sound of his voice was so gentle she could cry. “Having second thoughts?”

She plastered a smile across her features. “Of course not.” 

It was clear he was unconvinced, but the lift mercifully chimed, alerting them that they’d reached their floor. Senna stepped out of the lift before the doors were all the way open, desperately trying to release the grip that was squeezing her chest. She could still feel Rex’s eyes on her. 

As she strode through the door into their room, she immediately went to the refresher, locking the door, stripping off her clothes, and turning on the shower. She stared at herself in the mirror as the water warmed up. Bruises and bite marks dotted her chest and neck, and her lips were kiss-swollen. The sight of them flooded her with a cacophony of conflicting emotions, but the most noticeable sensation was the heat creeping into her cheeks. Senna composed herself, taking a deep steadying breath as she stepped into the shower, scrubbing as much of the evidence of her and Rex’s activities away as she could. 

Just part of the act. It’s fine. 

Even though she knew she couldn’t wash them away, she ran the washcloth over the love bites dotting her skin, as if she could rinse the memory of how Rex felt in that moment away as well. 

You’re fine. Everything’s alright. 

When she was cleaned to her satisfaction, she stepped out, toweling off quickly. Glancing around, she swore when she realized that in her haste, she hadn’t brought a change of clothes in with her. Wrapping the towel around her body, she steeled herself, opening the door and stepping into the room. 

Rex was sitting on the bed, typing something out on the datapad. He had his shirt off, and the moonlight fell across his bare shoulders. Senna tried to still her heart as he turned to look at her with the sound of the ‘fresher door whooshing open. He sported a few love bites of his own, left by her. Her face felt as though it was on fire as she met his gaze. He gave her a gentle smile, and the flames inside of her quieted to a glowing ember.

Fuck, he’s so beautiful.

“Hey,” he said softly, rising from the bed. 

She pushed some of her damp hair behind her ear. “Hey.” 

Rex set the datapad he was reading from on the desk before approaching her. His eyes were studying her carefully, and Senna fought the urge to squirm under his gaze. He stopped just in front of her, and she was certain he would hear her heart thundering in her chest. Reaching up, he cupped her cheek, and before she could stop herself, she leaned into his touch. His palm was warm against her skin. 

Just a game. Just an act. 

He stepped closer, cradling her face with one hand and studying her features carefully. 

Just an act. 

His other hand slipped around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Her pulse accelerated as her hands slid over his chest, grazing the numerous scars that peppered his skin, the most prominent just below his collar bone in the middle of his sternum. His lips met hers, much less rushed than before. She was able to notice more about the kiss this time without the fuel of desperation and urgency. Rex’s lips were chapped, but warm, and the gentleness with which he cradled her face as he kissed her made her eyes burn with tears. 

It’s just us though. No one else.

He drew back, resting his forehead against hers, but still holding her close. Her knees were shaking underneath her as his eyes studied her carefully in the dim lighting. He’d always been able to see through her, and normally, she appreciated it. Right now, it unnerved her, terrified her even. 

What if he sees how I feel? What if he knows? 

She could feel his thumb rubbing hesitantly against the small of her back.

“Sen, are you alright with everything that just happened?” 

She forced a laugh. “Of course. I wanted it. It’s fine. We’re fine, Rex.” 

“Are you certain?” 

It’s just the two of us now. He has no one left to convince. 

His eyes met hers.

He wants this. And so do you.

Before she could overthink it further, she kissed him again, and he melted into her as she pulled him closer by the belt loops on his trousers. His fingers buried themselves in the damp waves of her hair, cradling the back of her head. Her arms wrapped around him, fingers tracing the muscles of his back. 

Senna couldn’t explain what she was trying to do. It might have been an experiment, to see if he’d let her kiss him in private, it might have been her burying her feelings and keeping herself from pouring her soul out to this man by keeping her mouth busy. She wanted to run, but she also wanted to pull him into bed and let the rest of the galaxy fall away, to get lost in one another. She wasn’t sure what was happening, but one thing that she was sure of was that she didn’t want it to stop. The logical part of her mind was blaring with alarm bells, promising she’d regret it all in the morning, and while she wasn’t sure whether that would be true, she was ready to throw every bit of caution to the wind and find out. 

“Senna,” he whispered against her mouth. “Can I have you again? Right now? Just the two of us.”

Just the two of us. Rex and Senna. 

Her brain was short-circuiting. 

He wants me. This isn’t Lon and Valla. It’s all Rex. And me.  

“Yes,” she whispered before her brain could shriek at her more. 

Rex was unrushed as he kissed her again, working his lips against hers as if he wanted to remember the feel and taste of them. The towel slipped from her body, simply forgotten as Rex guided her towards the bed, easing her down onto the mattress with the same strength and gentleness she’d come to know as him. She trembled, goosebumps erupting across her skin as he straightened, taking her bare body in. His gaze felt piercing, but also like a warm embrace. He sucked a breath in between his teeth as the dull glow of reflected moonlight danced across her skin from the small window. 

“Maker, you’re beautiful,” he whispered. 

Heat rushed to her cheeks, and a giddiness welled up inside her as he shucked off his pants before climbing further onto the mattress and pulling the blankets over the two of them. She trembled as she drank him in, and he paused. 

“We can stop,” he reassured her. 

“Please don’t.”

“You’re shaking, Sen.”

“So are you.” The tremors in his body weren’t as violent as hers, but she could still feel him quivering slightly under her fingertips. 

He huffed a laugh, ducking his head slightly before meeting her gaze again. “Been a while.”

She giggled. “We’ve already done this once.”

He became more serious, his hand drifting up to cradle her face. His thumb stroked her cheek as his eyes pierced through her. “Not like this. Not the way I wanted to.”

Her expression softened. “Oh. Yeah. Guess it’s been a while for me too, then.” 

His hand slipped under the blanket, finding the crook of her knee and coaxing her to wrap her legs around him. She complied, and the trembling within her increased as he pressed closer. She could feel his hardening cock pressing against her heat, and she ground against him slightly, drawing a groan from him. Every cell in her body tingled in anticipation. Rex raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Patience,” he whispered, stroking her cheek again. “I want to take my time with you this go around.” 

He drew back, looking at her in that way that made her heart clench in her chest. He brushed a damp strand of hair out of her eyes, his fingertips lingering against her temple. Senna let her hands wander over his torso, trailing along every ripple of muscle and every raised scar. She wondered if she could map it all in her mind, memorize every inch of him in one night, just in case this was all she was allowed. 

She wanted to try. 

Rex pressed his forehead against hers, still cupping her face gently. “I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone I’ve… that…” Before he could find the words, the words that Senna couldn’t decide if she wanted to hear or was terrified of, she pulled his face down and kissed him again, wrapping her legs around him more tightly and urging him into her. Rex resisted for a moment, as if he was still going to try to get the words out, but when his cock grazed Senna’s slick folds, he surrendered, sinking into her with a groan. His eyes found her as he drew his hips back. She nodded, hoping the plea in her gaze was evident, and he pressed back into her, filling her perfectly. 

This was different from the club. So different. She could feel the warmth of his skin pressed against hers, the way his hands trailed along her body, as if he wanted to feel every inch of her. Without the urgency that had driven them earlier, she was able to note every detail: the way his fingers wove into her hair, the way his breath felt against the skin of her neck and cheek as he panted against her, the way his back grew slick with sweat with every passing second, and the way his muscles rippled under her fingertips with every thrust. He was so reverent, tracing her skin rather than desperately groping her body as other lovers had in the past. He watched every expression she made, smirking when he drew moans and gasps from her, his lips falling open when she squeezed around him. He cupped her breast, squeezing gently and grazing her nipple with his thumb, which caused her to arch into his touch once more. 

“You really like that, don’t you?” he rasped. 

“Yes. Maker, yes.” 

“What else do you like, Senna? Tell me what you want.” 

Her brain fumbled with the question. It was surely meant to be innocuous in this moment, but Maker if it wasn’t a thermal detonator dropping into the pit of her stomach. 

I want everything with you. I want to kiss you. I want to wake up next to you. I want you to look at me like that every day. 

I want you to feel what I feel. 

And I don’t want to lose everything. 

“Harder,” she managed to choke out, hoping that response would suffice. 

Rex chuckled darkly. “Yes ma’am.” 

He pressed his knees forward so that they were more underneath him, and he did as she asked. His fingers tangled in her hair, and he pressed his forehead against hers as he snapped his hips into her once more. Senna’s inner turmoil was almost immediately forgotten as Rex found a devastating place inside of her, one she was fairly certain no one else had ever touched. The force behind every thrust of his hips made the bed creak underneath them, and it wasn’t long before Senna’s gasps turned to whines. 

“Right there, Rex. Maker. Right there. Please don’t stop.”

“You gonna cum for me again, pretty girl? You gonna give me what I want?” he panted against her lips, cradling her head. 

“Yes. Please. I’m so close, Rex. So close.” 

He grunted. “I-I can feel you getting tighter around me.” His hands slipped under the curve of her ass, scooping her closer, and he ground his hips against her, driving his cock impossibly deeper. He buried his face in her neck. 

“You’re perfect. You’re so perfect, Senna. I-I… can I fill you again?” 

Heat flared in Senna’s belly. “Don’t stop, Rex. Please, fill me again.” 

His eyes darkened as he began moving again, maintaining eye contact with her as his hips slapped against her thighs. “Well, when you ask like that, how can I refuse?”

Her eyes fluttered closed and her lips parted as his thrusts grew sharper, punching the air from her lungs as he pushed her closer to the edge again. She could feel his eyes burning into her as her back arched and her head tipped back. She moaned loudly as Rex found the place inside of her once more, grazing it with the blunt head of his cock hard enough to make her see a galaxy’s worth of stars behind her eyelids. 

“Rex, ‘m close. I’m so close,” she whined. Her fingertips dug into his skin, scratching lightly, and that seemed to spur him on more. She could feel him beginning to shudder and his muscles tense as his thrusts grew more erratic. 

“S-Senna, I…” He was interrupted with a punctured groan as his hips stuttered, and she felt his warmth coat her walls. The sensation was enough to yank her over the cliff after him, and her muscles locked down. Her body shuddered through wave after wave of her orgasm, and when the haze finally faded, her eyes fluttered open to find Rex hovering over her, watching her carefully as he tried to catch his breath. They stared into each other’s eyes, panting for a moment before Rex leaned down and placed a kiss to her lips and then her forehead. He lowered himself against her as his softening cock slipped from inside her. His chest was still rising and falling rapidly, and a slick sheen of sweat shone on his skin in the room’s dim lighting. Her fingers trailed along the curve of his collar bone, resting against the scar in the middle of his chest. 

They were silent for what felt like an eternity, just watching one another. He eventually reached up, taking the hand that was tracing the scar in the middle of his chest and interlacing his fingers with hers. He slid to her side, pulling her leg over his thigh and bumping his nose against hers. She couldn’t help but smile, even though the alarm bells had begun to crescendo in her mind again. 

Just let me have this moment with him. Just this. 

She was grateful he didn’t say anything, instead just returning her smile. It was a conversation that she wasn’t ready to have, and when it happened, she wasn’t sure what she would say. But what she was certain of at this moment was that she was in love with this man, and that whatever came next, it would be the hardest decision she’d ever had to make. 

Senna drifted off to the rhythm of Rex’s soft snores, soothed by the feeling of his arms around her as her mind whirled around what to do. 

—

The first thing Rex felt in the morning was the warmth of Lothal’s sunlight on the bare skin of his back as it trickled in through their room’s solitary window. He basked in the place between sleep and approaching consciousness for a few more moments, reveling in how restful the night had been. 

Best I’ve slept in over a year. Maybe ever. No nightmares. 

But then again, there haven’t been any when I’m sleeping next to her. 

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as the haze of sleep began to lift from his mind. 

Senna.

He hadn’t meant for it to happen that way at all. He’d intended to have a conversation with her, to tell her how he felt and explain that he understood any hesitancy that she had. But he needed to know. Dammit, he’d tried at the festival, but as always, the Empire managed to derail things. 

But then, they’d been in the club, and she’d pressed herself against him like that. 

“It’s different when you touch me.” 

And then she’d ridden him in that booth, coupled herself with him and chanted his name like a prayer, and Maker, she was even more beautiful than she’d been in any of his dreams. 

But it had been quick, a taut string snapping. He knew that much, and knew better to mistake it for anything other than that. He’d had enough hook-ups during the war to understand the difference between satisfying needs and something more. 

And that’s why he’d asked her for more in the inn, asked her to be with him again, just him. 

And she had said yes. 

He’d rarely been certain of what his future held throughout his life, having it often dictated by people that didn’t always have his best interest at heart. The autonomy he’d gained had been a massive adjustment in the past year, and while he still wasn’t certain what direction he was heading and how things would look in the next year or even the next day, he knew he wanted Senna with him. He wanted to find out what happened next. With her. 

The night before seemed like a dream. The time they’d spent wrapped up in each other in this bed had confirmed everything he’d thought he was feeling for her. It wasn’t just physical attraction and blowing off steam; he’d never felt a connection like this with anyone else. He was falling in love with her at breakneck speed, and now, he felt less eager to fight those feelings. He’d let his guard down, and it had been worth it in every way. Rex almost didn’t want to open his eyes, just on the off chance that it would all dissipate around him. But he could feel the sheets on his skin, he could feel the ache in muscles that had long gone unused. And he could still hear how his name sounded on her lips echoing in his mind. 

Rex. 

His hand drifted over the sheets to the opposite side of the bed, dipping into the divot that she’d occupied during the night. 

It was cold. 

He opened his eyes, blinking in the bright light. The bed had been mostly remade on her side. 

A soft shuffling behind him drew his attention, and he rolled over to find Senna, fully clothed and sitting on the floor, pulling on her boots. 

“Mornin’,” she said. She couldn’t meet his eyes. 

His heart fell. 

“Mornin’,” he replied, watching her carefully. 

Something in his voice must have given him away. She paused, finally looking at him. “The meet with Fisk is in an hour. Figured we should get there early enough to scout things out and make sure we know all the ins and outs.” 

He nodded, still watching her. She went back to pulling her boots on. He wet his lips. 

“Senna, I-”

She raised a hand, and he fell silent. “I know you’re going to want to talk about last night, and I can’t right now. We can’t. We both need clear heads for this, and this discussion deserves more than a few rushed minutes. Don’t you think?” 

He could follow her reasoning and even agreed with it to an extent, but something about her demeanor made him uncertain how to feel overall. 

“Sure. We can talk when we get back.” 

She nodded. “Good. Glad that’s settled then.” She tossed him his trousers from the floor. “Get dressed.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

—

“See anything?” Senna asked into her commlink, pulling her modulator mask they had salvaged on the way to the market down a little further and adjusting her hood, ensuring that nothing identifiable of her was visible. The mask completely covered her face with only a polarized, reflective viewport, an air filtration apparatus, and of course the voice modulator itself that, when activated, made her sound like a droid when she spoke.

“Not since the last time you asked me thirty seconds ago,” Rex grumbled back through the comm.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m starting to think he’s going to be a no-show.”

“Isn’t patience one of your things?” he asked.

“I was never particularly good at that thing.” 

He grunted back through the comm, and she wondered if it had been a laugh. She hoped so. 

The walk to the market had been more tense than she’d anticipated with the gap between them both shrinking and somehow expanding at the same time. The look on Rex’s face that morning when he’d woken up nagged at her. He’d been so excited to see her when he first rolled over that she briefly considered calling the whole meet off and just crawling back into bed with him. When she'd pulled herself together and been stern, she could see his confusion, his hurt. 

She’d never meant to hurt him. 

Selfish. That’s what you are, Aven.

The rising sun had brought with it clarity and regret. She didn’t necessarily regret the sex, but the timing couldn’t have been poorer. It wasn’t how she’d wanted it to go if it was going to happen. She had wanted Rex, and she had given in without considering any other factors aside from her own desire. She hadn’t stopped to consider his feelings, the consequences of crossing that line, or the fact that she’d put Rex in danger the night before, and it wasn’t the first time. His words from her last meeting with Fisk echoed in her mind. 

"So if you’re ever in a position like that again, you fight like hell, and I will come and find you, no matter what happens next."

Even before they’d slept together, Rex had been willing to sacrifice himself to save her, to put himself in harm’s way on her account. She had to imagine it would only be worse now. It was a point to be debated, but not right before this meeting with Fisk. The conversation deserved time and consideration, something they definitely didn’t have this morning. 

At least his head seems clear. 

She just hoped that by the time they did sit down and talk, she’d have the right words for it. Right now, she felt like she was floundering still. Being with Rex had been so easy, and it had felt good. It had felt right. She was in love with him, there was hardly any denying that, and she was also pretty sure he reciprocated those feelings. It was hard to deny that being true with the way he’d looked at her, with the way he’d touched her. 

How he’s always touched you. How he’s always been with you. 

Has it been that long? 

I’m such a fool.

Hot tears stung her eyes beneath the mask. 

And now I may have ruined everything. For him. For me. For us. 

Suddenly, she spotted the flash of a uniform in the crowd, Commander Fisk’s polished rank plaque gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. “Look alive, he’s here,” she buzzed into the comm, glad the modulator covered the strain of her voice. She glanced up at the rooftop he was perched on, noting the glint of his blaster and the flash of blonde hair. His presence soothed her, knowing he was watching and had her back. There was no way for Fisk to recognize her, no reason for him to suspect it was her, but her fingers still flexed nervously in her gloves. She  quickly adjusted her cloak and hood one more time and made sure her hair was tucked within the mask before trailing a safe distance behind the commander.

Fisk wove throughout the stalls towards the designated meeting spot at the back of the market. Senna allowed several people to pass in between them, occasionally stopping at stalls and looking at wares while keeping an eye on the sweating man in his black dress uniform. Once he made it to the corner she’d specified, he stopped turning slowly, his eyes scanning the crowd. She saw his eyes pass right over her without hesitation.

You hold the upper hand. He has no idea it’s you.

“Any obvious tails?” she whispered into her comm.

“None that I can see. Just be cautious. Keep your head on a swivel,” Rex’s voice rumbled in reply.

“Roger that. I’ll leave my comm on so you can eavesdrop, so radio silence from here on out.”

“You got it.” 

She did her best not to consider the sharpness of his tone. 

Senna casually wove her way through the throng, circling behind Fisk, allowing her eyes to rove the crowd, looking for anyone that was staring at him a bit too long or looked like they didn’t belong. After a few minutes, she was satisfied and quietly walked up behind him, her back to him. 

“Afternoon, Commander Fisk. Nice to see you out and about,” her voice buzzed. She couldn’t hear it well inside the hood, but Rex had assured her the modulator made her sound unrecognizable. That didn’t stop her from holding her breath as she waited for his reply. 

He didn’t turn his head, but he peered at her from out of the corner of his eye. “It’s not like you gave me much of an option, scum.”

He definitely doesn’t know it’s you. You’re safe. 

The tension left her shoulders, replaced by a calm confidence and an urge to make the commander squirm. “Now, now, there’s no reason to start name calling. I’m here to help you out of the mess you’ve created by being a lazy Imperial. Wouldn’t want your superiors to find out you’ve been breaking protocol with your decryption disk and flaunting all sorts of other security rules. You’re a walking security breach, Fisk.”

A trail of sweat rolled down his temple, glistening in the sun. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Please, you told that woman about your encryption disk in the market loud enough for everyone within the system to hear you. I’m sure that’s not the only rule you’ve broken as a matter of convenience.” She chuckled to herself, unable to resist a quick taunt. “Was it worth it by the way? Was she impressed?”

He scoffed. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then.”

Fisk’s temple throbbed with indignation. “What do you want?”

“Information of course.”

“Pertaining to what?”

“The massive engineering project the Empire is undertaking.”

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

An impatient edge crept into her voice. “Don’t play dumb, Fisk. It doesn’t suit you in this instance. Tell me about the project that’s got the Empire willing to strip Lothal of virtually all of its resources and render it nearly uninhabitable. The superweapon.”

Her comm started crackling in her pocket. She reached down to turn it off before she realized it was crackling in a very specific, rhythmic pattern. Rex didn’t have a voice mod, but he was trying to signal her of something. She turned to look at Fisk, and he was facing her now, a devilish grin sweeping across his face. 

Oh, kriff.

Suddenly, a legion of stormtroopers came charging down the street behind her, their boots clicking against the pavement. She whirled to find Fisk leveling his blaster at her. “How unfortunate,” he gloated. “It seems we’ll have to meet again another time. Perhaps an interrogation chamber this afternoon?”

As his finger clenched the trigger, Senna instinctively reached out with the Force to push his arm skyward, sending the blaster fire into the air. It was a desperate move, and to her surprise, it worked, although not as strongly as she would have liked. 

Good enough. Getting better.

Racing forward, she landed a punch to his face before grabbing his shoulders and kneeing him in the groin. He let out a satisfying yelp as he dropped to his knees and she kicked his dropped blaster away. “SEIZE HIM! SEIZE THE SPY! HE’S A JEDI!” Fisk screeched, spittle flying from his mouth as his eyes bulged. 

A little sexist with the assumption, but I guess that tracks for him, she thought as she turned and raced for cover. 

At least I know he really doesn’t suspect me now.

The building corner behind her exploded with blaster fire from the approaching stormtroopers, and she dove behind the nearest stall. Drawing the blaster Rex had given her that morning, she ran, staying low behind the stalls, aiming for the opposite corner of the market and trying to blend into the crowd. Everyone was running and screaming as the stormtroopers marched forward, taking aim at the hooded figure scrambling to get away. Unable to push through the stampede of people, Senna took refuge behind the counter of a fruit vendor’s stand.

She fumbled in her pocket, yanking her comm out. “Hey, you there? I’m in a bit of a tough spot.”

“Yes, you are. I can see you tucked down behind that stall. You’ve got a lot of company,” Rex replied. She tried to get eyes on Rex, but the second she lifted her head up above the wooden counter of the stall, the air around her erupted with plasma bolts. 

“Keep your karking head down,” Rex’s voice growled from the comm. 

“How many?” she gasped, sitting back down heavily.

“I’m estimating you’ve got a dozen inbound from the direction you came, and another two squads of about the same amount flanking you from the south and the northeast. Your best bet is to get to the western corner. I’ll make my way down there and meet you in the second alley on the right.”

“You got it. Can I get a little cover fire?” she asked as one of the fruit on the stall’s counter exploded just to her left from a blaster bolt barrage.

“Yes, ma’am.” Rex took aim with his weapon and peppered the troopers approaching her from behind. One or two fell, and the others scrambled to find cover. As they scattered, Senna stood, taking advantage of the confusion and, leveling her blaster at them, fired off several rounds in quick succession as she raced towards the exit. By now, the market had mostly cleared of everyone except the Imperials, and Senna realized they’d brought a small army to apprehend her. 

Kriff.

“Don’t stop running,” came Rex’s voice from the commlink in her hand. “Detonators incoming.” Explosions erupted behind her a few seconds later, and Senna ducked instinctively. The air around her filled with smoke and dust, and her ears were ringing slightly from the blasts.

“Thanks for the heads up,” she muttered into the comm.

“Less sass, more running.”

The western corner still had a pretty good crowd, and they weren’t getting out of Senna’s way fast enough. She slammed into bypasser after bypasser, trying to duck low. Suddenly, the street opened up and she was dumped into an intersection. She whirled frantically, trying to search the street for the rendezvous point Rex had indicated. 

Did I miss the alley?

Turning around, she finally caught sight of the alley, and she swore under her breath when saw that the stormtroopers had already advanced beyond it, blocking her from it. However, they too were struggling to get through the crowd, and she imagined her brown cloak made her a hard target to pick out in the masses. Pulling out her comm, she flicked on the button, voice modulator still buzzing. “I missed the rendezvous.”

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the link. “Of course you did. Where are you now?”

“In some sort of major intersection. I think –” 

A blaster bolt struck her directly in her abdomen before she could finish her thought, knocking the wind from her. 

Senna had never been shot before, but it was about what she expected: a radiating burst of the worst pain she’d ever felt, a burning sensation and smell, a strong force that knocked her off balance. Her mind screamed and her vision blurred slightly as she fell forward onto her hands, her eyes frantically scanning the crowd around her. She struggled to breathe, unable to scream from the flaring pain originating in her stomach, and her limbs trembled beneath her. 

Rex. Please don’t find me, she thought. 

Just run. 

I’m sorry.

She collapsed to the ground, grasping at her side and gasping for breath. The pain was immense, numbing her senses as she felt where the blaster bolt had burned into her body. Her mind only caught glimpses of what was around her as she tried to get her bearings. 

A purple skirt fluttering over running boots, a child’s doll abandoned in the dirt, familiar brown eyes that were Rex’s and weren’t, disappearing in a flash of fading blue. 

She blinked in confusion.

Blaster. Where’s your blaster?

She clawed at her weapon in the dirt, finally grabbing it and whipping it around to fire at her pursuers. The stormtroopers were advancing slowly from about twenty meters away, and she managed to land a hit on the one furthest forward. If she was going down, she would take a few with them. But they never retaliated.

Why aren’t they firing back? I’m on the ground? Why…

The reasoning slammed into her with alarming clarity.

They…they want me alive.

Her mind raced in terror, flooded with images of an interrogation room, of a captured Rex in binders, of Fisk’s triumphant grin. 

No.

I have to get up. I have to get up. GET UP. 

She noticed several of the stormtroopers had held back and were scanning the crowd. 

They know I’m not alone. They’re trying to draw him out. I have to get out of here. 

GET UP. YOU HAVE TO GO.

Muttering every curse she knew, she pushed herself up with one hand and stumbled unsteadily towards the opposite direction, the pain blinding her. Another volley of blaster bolts hit the dirt at her feet, narrowly missing her. 

Run. RUN. 

She tripped over her own dragging toes, falling to the ground again. Suddenly, two smoke grenades rolled to a stop meters in front of her, releasing their gas and obscuring her from view. She heard the stormtroopers shout in alarm and another volley of shots cut through the smoke over her head. She scrambled forward and abruptly found herself in the crowd on the opposite side of the intersection. A flash of dark brown cut through the sea of panicked people and suddenly a large hand grabbed her arm, pulling her further into the throng.

“CAN YOU RUN?” Rex shouted over the din of the panicked mob. He had a scarf pulled over the bottom of his face, hiding his nose and mouth, but there was urgency in his eyes, and something else that Senna had never seen before from him; he was afraid.

The pain in her side was causing her body to unload adrenaline in her system, and suddenly she was awake in the chaos. She nodded, hissing as she clasped her hand over the burn mark in her tunic, pressing against the blaster wound. They raced through the crowd, Rex’s arm wrapped around her waist, fingers digging into her belt to hold her up. 

“Keep your head down!”

They raced along the edge of the buildings lining the street, blaster fire echoing over their heads as the advancing soldiers tried to clear the crowd to search for their quarry. Quickly, Rex pulled her down a series of alleyways, weaving in between dwellings and ducking through archways until they were halfway down a dark passage and the sound of the mayhem had faded slightly behind them. He tucked her behind a stack of empty crates, leaning her against an exterior wall.

“Stay here.”

She ripped off her modulator mask, gasping loudly. “Does it look like I’m going anywhere?”

He ignored the comment, heading back the way they’d come with long strides, blaster tucked against his side with his finger on the trigger. Senna waited for several minutes, trying to make herself as inconspicuous as possible behind the crates, listening to the commotion she assumed was their pursuers fading further into the distance. Her fear of being vulnerable almost numbed the throbbing pain coming from the blaster wound.

After what felt like an eternity, Rex returned, pulling down his face cover. “They’re a good distance off and headed in the opposite direction of us, but they’re organizing sweeps of the district. We have to get moving.” He looked down at her shaking hand pressing into her abdomen, a small trickle of blood seeping through her fingers. “Alright, let’s see it,” he whispered, crouching down in front of her.

She gasped as he peeled her hand away, revealing the nearly perfectly circular hole in her clothing. His fingers found the edge of her tunic, and his eyes met hers, asking permission. She nodded at him, and he gently pulled the fabric up to reveal the injury. She gasped in pain as some of the fibers from her tunic that had been fused into the cauterization of the wound pulled at her damaged skin, and he pressed his forehead to hers, quietly shushing her. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Pulling a small light from his belt, he illuminated the small space to try and get a better look. She felt her body tingle as she stared at the decent-sized hole in her abdomen. He noted her shock.

“What, have you never been shot before?” he tried to tease, but she could see the concern etched into his features and how hard he swallowed.

“You know, the idea was to not get shot,” she muttered through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, well not all of us succeeded at that,” he replied. “I didn’t get that scar in the middle of my chest playing bolo-ball.” He clicked off the light and dug through his hip pouch. “I’m afraid I didn’t bring much in terms of first aid, so you’ll have to make do with a bacta patch until we can get back. The good news is it appears mostly cauterized with minimal bleeding, and I don’t think it hit anything critical.”

“I gotta tell you, Rex, when it hit me, and you say it didn’t hit anything critical, that kind of hurts,” she joked.

Taking a sterilization pad from his pouch, he looked up at her sympathetically. “Unfortunately, I think this is going to hurt worse,” and without any additional warning, he pressed it against the wound. Senna squirmed back against the wall, a quiet curse erupting from her while she bit back a yelp, but he held her still, leaning against her and pressing his forehead against hers once more, whispering apologies. She wrapped her arms around him, digging her fingers into the fabric of his cloak as he tried as gently as he could to clean the damage.

“I really don’t like you right now,” she hissed in his ear. 

“Understandable. Hang on, we’re almost done.”

He leaned back as he unwrapped a bacta patch and looked at her. She could feel the tear stains running down her dust-covered cheeks, but she sniffled defiantly as he leaned forward to place the patch. 

“This should feel better than the disinfectant,” he tried to reassure her.

“Yeah, I’ll believe it when I –“ he pressed the patch on without preamble, the pressure making her curse one more time.

She leaned back against the wall, gently banging the back of her head against it and pounding her first into the dirt until the pain finally dulled to a throbbing ache. Some of the tension in her shoulders eased, and she suddenly felt exhausted. 

It’s too much. All too much. 

Rex gave her a few more minutes to recover as he kept an eye on the opposite end of the passage.

“Can you walk upright?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You can’t look hurt.”

“I know, Rex,” she snapped, finally hitting her limit. 

He eyed her before tossing her a new tunic. “Put this on. Your shirt’s got a pretty obvious burn mark and plenty of blood on it.”

“Where did you even get this?”

“Found someone’s laundry line when I doubled back to make sure we’d lost them.”

She huffed a laugh. “You know, you might just be smarter than you look.”

His mouth tugged into a flash of a smirk before he schooled his expression back to stoicism. “Just put it on. We’re not out of this yet,” he muttered, turning his back to give her some privacy.

A snarky comment about how he’d already seen her naked died in her throat. 

Not the time. 

After several seconds of grunting and swearing Senna managed to wriggle into the tunic, tapping Rex on the shoulder. “Well, this might be as good as it gets.” The garment was a little large on her, but it at least didn’t press against the bacta patch quite so much. 

He took her cheeks in his hands and did his best to wipe away the tear stains and dust as she pulled her cloak back around her shoulders. She ignored the tenderness of the gesture and tried not to overthink it. Using her ruined shirt, she attempted to clean as much of the blood off of her hands as she could.

“Alright, are you ready? We’re going to have to move quickly,” he rasped, his eyes searching hers. 

She nodded, and he handed her a scarf to cover her face, pulling his own back up as well. The two of them crept back out of the alley and walked into the street, pulling their hoods low and blending into the crowd. Instinctively, their hands found each other as they stuck to each other’s sides. 

—

They made it back to the inn just as the sun was beginning to sink towards the horizon. Senna managed to remain upright and keep the façade of being perfectly fine intact until they got to their room. Quickly, Rex helped her inside and shut the door behind them. 

“Would it be better to sit up or lie down?” he asked.

“I think just put me on the bed and I’ll figure it out,” she grimaced. He quickly guided her over to the edge of the mattress and allowed her to sit, helping her peel her cloak off. She did her best not to think about what they’d done in that bed the night before. “I think laying down is going to be the way to go,” she conceded after a few minutes.

“Alright, lay across it width-wise,” Rex instructed. “I should be able to get at it better that way anyway.” He dug through his kit for medical supplies before dragging a chair to the edge of the bed. Senna tipped back on her elbows, pulling the stolen tunic up and peeling off the bacta patch with a grunt of discomfort. 

Rex was quiet as he gave her an injection to numb the pain, working quickly and carefully to flush the wound to clean it better. Once he had ensured that the clotting hadn’t trapped any foreign substances, he replaced the bacta patch with a more potent one designed specifically for blaster wounds. 

Laying there, watching him work, Senna couldn’t help but notice the furrows in Rex’s brow were even more prominent than usual, and she remembered the fear in his eyes when he had grabbed her. Sitting up gingerly once he went to dispose of the used supplies in the waste bin by the window, she pulled her shirt back down to cover the bandage, gently testing her mobility by twisting and turning a bit. Her eyes fell to where he stood, his back to her as he stared out the window. His hands were trembling at his sides. 

She still wasn’t ready for the conversation she could sense barrelling towards her, but she’d made her decision. 

You owe him that much.

Taking a deep breath, she leaned her elbows onto her knees. 

“You should have left me there.” 

A poor opening statement, but she hadn’t had time to think of a better one. Rex turned to look at her, the furrow between his brows deepening. 

“Most people would start with ‘thanks for saving my life,’ but I suppose you’ve never been someone to do things the normal way.” 

Anger flared within her. “You could have been captured. This entire trip was allowed on the premise that we wouldn’t get captured.” 

“So I was supposed to just let you be the one to get captured then?” His voice had dropped to a familiar gravelly octave, one that she’d only ever heard on Empire Day. “I told you I wouldn’t let that happen.” 

What right does he have to be angry?  

“Rex –”

“You don’t understand,” he interrupted. “You…you went down so hard and you didn’t move. I thought…I thought I’d lost you.” He was barely keeping his emotions at bay, his voice softening slightly. “I can’t…I can’t lose you, Senna.” 

“Losing people is part of war,” she countered sharply, trying not to let herself crumble. “We’re still fighting. It’s always a possibility.”

He shook his head firmly, and she grew silent again. “Not. You. I won’t lose you,” he rasped quietly.

She opened her mouth, searching for words, and then Rex’s comm buzzed. She gingerly pushed herself to a standing position, slowly walking towards the desk where it rested, but he grabbed her wrist firmly as she tried to pass him.

“Leave it,” he said quietly. He stepped closer to her, clasping her hands in his tightly. “I don’t want to fight with you right now,” he whispered. “Senna, I need to tell you something.”

Her breath hitched at his touch, and she felt tears spring to her eyes unbidden. She knew what he wanted to say. And she knew she had to stop it from happening. 

“Rex, we can’t,” she whispered.

His head snapped up and his eyes met hers. The hurt in his warm, brown irises gutted her.

“What? But last night –”

“Was a mistake, Rex.” She hoped she sounded firm, even if she didn’t completely believe it to be true.

You love him. 

But you can’t do this to him.  

The pain in his eyes almost killed her resolve. She��d never wanted to hurt him. That was the last thing she wanted. But that was all she would do, together or apart, physically or emotionally. 

Better to stop it before it starts. 

“I don’t believe you,” he rasped. “I see how you look at me, Senna. How you were with me. Please.”

“We CAN’T,” she said with all of the force and firmness she could muster. 

“We could. We could be-“ he tried again, but Senna charged forward, cutting him off again. 

“Be what, Rex? Liabilities to one another?” she sighed, desperately trying to keep her voice from cracking. 

How does he not see? With all that strategic ingenuity and wit, how can he not see how this ends?

“Do you think that we aren’t already?”

Frustration overtook her, and she stalked away from him, pacing at the opposite end of the room. “It will only get worse, no matter which direction this goes. Either we become closer and the missions become more dangerous, and we wind up making bad calls to keep one another safe, or we grow apart and can no longer rely on each other. We have to not change things. This is working right now, as it is. We have to do this.”

“What if we don’t want to?”

She laughed incredulously. “What we want doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t,” she snapped. “Not in the grand scheme of things. We are working for something so much bigger than ourselves, Rex, and lives depend on us. You know that. If you wanted to live out your fantasy life with a wife and kids on your farm, you should have walked away after the war ended. You should have run off to some outer rim world and hunkered down there. I can’t give you that life. We don’t have that option now.”

He scoffed. “So that’s it then. We choose to do this, put our lives on the line and stand up for what’s right, and you think we don’t deserve happiness because of that? If anything, I’d say we’re more deserving of it.” He scrubbed his hands over his hair. “Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me you don’t feel the same way that I do, Senna?”

He knows you. 

She jutted her chin out defiantly, clenching her fists so hard she was certain she’d have bloody crescents where her fingernails dug into her palms. Taking a deep breath, she met his gaze. “I don’t feel the same way, Rex. I don’t feel that we can do this and have those sorts of attachments.”

The word landed the way she’d hoped. She knew it would. It didn’t make it hurt any less. 

“How very Jedi of you,” he replied darkly. “Tossing out the attachment rule when it best suits you.” 

She tried to keep her gaze and tone level. “I’m trying to keep you…keep us alive. I can’t love you and do my job.”

“So, you love me then.”

Fuck.

Anger and frustration flared within her. Anger at her accidental admission, anger that she couldn’t be with him, and anger that he couldn’t understand why. 

“Why don’t you tell me since you seem to have all of this figured out, Captain?” she snarled. “Since you seem to know exactly what I want.” 

In a move her addled brain could have never accounted for, Rex walked swiftly across the room to where she was pacing, slipped his fingers into her hair and kissed her. Senna’s breath caught in her throat along with every retort she’d been preparing to sling at him. The familiarity of his lips on hers and the way his hands cradled her face finally pulled the tears from her eyes, and they streamed down her cheeks. 

You love him. Fuck, you love him. 

Rex pulled away first, resting his forehead against hers and stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “I would never presume to tell you what you want, Senna. But I need to hear you tell me again that you don’t want this. Tell me again and mean it.”

The tears wouldn’t stop coming as Senna’s hands slipped around his wrists. “Rex, I…we…I just can’t. Please don’t ask this of me.” With that, she shoved past him into the refresher. He let her go, the door sliding shut behind her.

Senna managed to wait until the door completely closed before she leaned back against it, slowly sinking to the floor. She buried her face in her hands, sobbing as quietly as she could.

Of course she wanted him. She’d been in love with him for longer than she cared to think about and had just refused to acknowledge it. How could she, knowing the task they had ahead of them and what it would mean for both of them? If they were discovered by leadership, what would that mean? Expulsion from the rebellion? Because how could anyone count on two romantically involved people to be objective, to keep their eyes on the prize? And even if no one found out, how could she allow it to happen, especially after today? After last night? After the night with Fisk? 

He’ll always put you first. He’ll always risk everything for you. 

And I can’t allow that. Even if I love him. And even if he loves me. 

There was a soft knock at the door, and she straightened up, frantically wiping the tears on her face away and clearing her throat. “Yeah?”

“That was Organa. Word’s out about the incident in the market.”

Fuck. Already made it to the Senate. She closed her eyes. Fuck. 

“They’re still searching that district, but it sounds like the search will expand within the next few hours,” Rex continued. “We need to get a transport out of here before they lock down the ports. We are to return to our dwelling and await further instruction.” His voice was back to the stern tone that he’d used when they first met. It broke her heart.

“Understood. I can have everything packed in half an hour.”

She heard him stand outside the door for a few more seconds, and with a deep sigh, walk away, the main door to their room sliding open and shut. She took one more deep breath, and then got to her feet to begin preparing for the return journey.

She caught her own reddened, tear-filled eyes in the mirror. 

This is right. For both of us. Even if he can’t see it yet. And even if I can’t. 

Wiping at her cheeks, she squared her shoulders. 

This is how it has to be.

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[billthedrake]

DYNASTY

This story was inspired by A4F Tales' (@talesfromunderthemattress ) story Parental Unit. Consider this an unofficial sequel of sorts.

Kevin was driving. He almost always insisted on driving if it was the both of us. Now as I looked over at my older brother, I was glad he was behind the wheel since it gave me a chance to scope him out. Even now, after 8 years of being married, at least in our minds, I never got sick of looking at him. His hairline was receding but if anything that made his solid coach bod even better looking, kind of the best of both worlds, being a 31 year old dude starting to rock the daddy look a little.

"You think Dad hit the bars tonight?" I asked. Still feeling the glow of date night and the buzz of the extra glass of wine I had because I wasn't driving.

Kevin's normally serious expression turned into a slight laugh of a grin. "Probably bro. You know how he's alwasy going on about not getting enough pussy."

I chuckled and puffed out my chest like Dad as I imitated him. "What you boys have going on is great and all... but I'm 50/50, you know," I said in my best Craig Stansell baritone.

Kevin laughed. "Whatever it takes, babe," he said, looking away from the road quickly to flash me a grin. "Besides, the old man's almost 60. Let him have his pride."

"58 and a very fine 58," I chimed in. "You think we ever push him too much?"

My husband seemed to think that over a second. "Not really, no. If anything, maybe not enough." He patted my thigh. "If he found another woman, you know, settled down again... would you be upset, Kyle?"

I didn't have to think of my answer. "Selfishly, yes. But I want him to be happy bro, you know that."

"I do too, of course," Kevin continued, thinking out loud as he turned into our subdivision, where we'd been shacking up as brothers ever since I moved down to Florida to work under him in the college football program he coached. "I just think, you know, he's kind of what makes our relationship work so well."

I'd thought of that too. Kevin and I had both given up our asses to each other, many times, and would gladly continue to do so. But we both preferred topping and all around loved the rush of fucking a man. "We'd make it work regardless, Kevin," I objected. "But I know what you mean."

He nodded and held up his left hand after he turned toward our street. "It was fun wearing our bands when we go out."

"Fun's an understatement," I growled softly. It had been a nice romantic evening, but my big brother was gonna get me hard, fast. "Wish we could do it more."

"It's risky," Kevin said, lust in his voice. "But we'll have to find a way."

The Florida air was warm and muggy. That's the one thing I'd never get used to, but beyond that this was paradise. Maybe because it's a place Dad could take an early retirement to and not bat an eye, living in an in-law addition behind our place.

"Hey guys," our father said, peeling his eyes off a Ravens-Steelers game on TV. Ever since coaching college ball, Kev and I relished our Sunday days off, and had grown less interested in following the NFL religiously. But Dad was still sports obsessed and maybe missed his own coaching days, more than a little. "How was date night?"

Kevin casually patted Dad's meaty shoulder through the man's T-shirt. It still blew my mind how casually our father had sussed out me and Kevin's sexual relationship, early on and how he not only didn't seem to mind but actually covered for us. Only later did I discover he'd fooled around with our Uncle Rick growing up.

"Great," my older brother said, looking over at me with a wink. "Nice to have some one-on-one time with my special man."

Dad grumbled. "You boys should take your special time any goddamn time you want. Forget I'm here if you have to. You guys are married, and just because you asked me..."

"All right, Dad," Kevin laughed, holding up his hands like he was 17 and being delivered another lecture. "Me and me husband are gonna go to our bedroom and have hot date night sex, OK?"

Dad got a big grin on his gruffly handsome mug. Unlike Kevin he still had his full head of hair though it was almost entirely gray now and maybe not as thick as it once was. "That's more like it."

Kevin patted his shoulder and turned to walk back to our room. I knew he was horny from our conversation, and since yesterday was game day and as usual we didn't usually get around to sex, my brother was undoubtedly feeling as backed up as I was. "Good night, Dad," he said.

"Good night," I said to my father, only leaning in for a quick peck of a kiss. On the lips. "You OK on your own tonight, Dad?" I asked.

"Son... if you don't get back there quick, your brother's gonna have some major blue balls," he joked.

I about asked about his blue balls, but instead just took the hint. "All right, Dad. Have a good one."

Kevin was already naked when I got to the master bedroom. I liked stripping for him as he watched and stroked his fat brother bone. "Jack is doing a great job with you," he said, referring to the strength and conditioning coach for the team. Even if I wasn't a player, I took advantage of the man's expertise and encouragement. While Kevin had a naturally medium-build coach bod, I was getting more jacked, almost like a tight end. The more I did, the more my husband loved it.

"Remind me to thank him," I grinned, stepping forward naked to the bed.

We were both horny but we also loved the physicality of making out before swapping blow jobs.

I took my big brother's dick into my mouth, slowly working him up. "Damn, suck me KS," he urged, using my initials as a pet name ever since we first fooled around, back in the day. "Suck your big brother." Those words never failed to turn me on. I blew him with longer deeper mouth strokes, using my hands to feel his hairy balls and hold his prick. Kevin was in shape, but that coach-bod padding felt real nice and softly furred against my forehead as I managed a deep throat.

"FUCK!" my husband grunted, holding me down playfully on to his hairier crotch. "You're too good to me, man." He let up on his grip and I started bobbing again, trying to work him to a good, heavy cum.

Only as Kev was getting too close, he pulled me off, gently pushing my head back once his thick prick cleared my wet lips. "Let me return the favor, bro."

I nodded and I knelt on the bed, letting my older brother lean forward and start licking me. "God, I love date night," he hissed before he bagan taking me into his mouth."

It was hot, very hot, watching my successful head coach of a brother go down on me, his masculine face getting an intent look as he did his best to blow me. It had taken a few years actually to convince my cocky brother to actually go down on me. Now, he took oral service as a serious job, as much dedicated work as studying game tape. You'd think that approach would be a turn off, but instead it drove me wild to see Kevin treat my pleasure like his biggest mission in life.

I could have let him get me off, but something was on my mind.

"Think we should invite Dad back, bro?"

I thought Kevin might be pissed off or at least bark his usual reminder that it was date night. Instead he pulled off my hard dick and slurped back the excess spit before he nodded, "Go get him."

I leapt up like an excited puppy and strutted into the living room, naked and hard. Dad was still watching the game, and I startled him when I put both hands on his shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. "Feel like joining us?" I asked simply.

He looked up and his eyes went wide when he realized my nakedness. Kevin wasn't the only one into my new jacked-up body. "Don't want to spoil your date night, Kyle," he said softly.

"When did you ever spoil anything, Dad?" I asked. "But it's up to you. We'd love to have you with us tonight."

He nodded, and god I could tell he was horny for it. "If you're sure."

"Sure I'm sure," I said. I gave a reminder. "But it's the master bedroom."

We had a ritual about this. Turns out Dad was on board, as always. "I want that," he said quietly but confidently.

I appeared first, and Kevin was already lubing up his cock, confident Dad would come in too.

"Hey Dad."

It wasn't Kevin who said that but our father, who was stepping out from behind me and peeling off his T-shirt. His 58 year old frame had always been muscular, an ex-jock's build, but since moving to join us in Florida, he'd kept at the weights hard to stay solid. He was very much a silver muscle daddy, tanned and buff, though with the telltale roughness in his skin from a man that age.

"Pop says you guys want me to join you," our father added, getting into the psychodrama we'd honed over the years. One that played out not every night but at least once a week.

"Come on, son," Kevin said, patting the mattress and scooting to make a spare spot. "We love having you in our bed."

Dad never played favorites, but when we did role reversal like this, Kevin was Dad and I was Pop and that just intensified the bond he had with his eldest. I watched as Dad scooted next to my brother-husband, letting Kevin take the lead to claim a kiss as Dad's furry muscle daddy body almost arched like a cat in Kevin's greedy embrace.

I never got sick of watching those two men kiss. It was romantic and sexual at the same time, in equal parts.

It turned me on to see how much our father loved it. His old man had been a legendary football coach, and after a number of threesomes Kevin and I sussed out that Dad had some giant-sized Daddy Issues of his own. A little role play and pushing the envelope and we settled in on this.

Dad was our son only when joining us in the master bedroom, but we embraced it so heavily that for that time it felt real to us. Real to Kevin, real to me, and real to our dad.

For his part, Kevin outright loved playing Dad to our father. As hot as the sex was between me and my brother, this brought out his more assertive side.

Already he was making his way down Dad's silver-furred body, kissing down that mature muscle and nudging our father's legs up and back. Dad complied. "Oh yes, Dad," he hissed. "Eat out my son hole."

He got into it, into that intimate connection between my brother's tongue and his sphincter, gently loosened from Kev's and my regular fucks. "God, Pop, I love you guys," he hissed as I lay next to him. And like that, me and my father were kissing. Deep, tongues battling, sucking the air from one another.

We got lost in that incest kiss. Me being daddy for my father and both of us loving that head-fuck. Either we made out longer than I expected, or Kevin was real impatient that night. Before I knew it, Dad pulled back and turned to look at Kevin who was holding our father's legs and entering him with that heavy brother cock of his.

"God, yeah," Dad said. "Dick me, Dad. I need it so bad, sir."

The S word was like poppers to Kevin. He growled and plowed right in. The first time he'd taken Dad like that I was pissed off and a little worried. But turns out Dad loved it. Even if that ex-NFL-er cock softened at the rough intrusion, Dad was always back to full hardness quickly.

That's how it played out now. I watched excitedly as the dick that made me steadily got its lead hardness again. I slicked my father's prick up with lube and slowly stroked while Kevin pounded him with harder faster stokes.

"Fuck, son," my coach brother hissed, throwing that beefy body into an athletic performance. Even if I preferred to top more than bottom these days, just watching my husband in rut made my vers side rare up and crave Kevin inside me. We'd have to see how long I'd go before making that a reality.

"Fuck me Dad!" our father bellowed, getting real into it, his hips bucking a little to work his cock in my lubed fist and to meet the fantasy patriarch's thrusts. "Use my hole, sir."

Kevin's face scrunched up and I knew immediately he was coming. One of those sudden, no warning orgasm. His normally confident voice became a succession of whimpers as he ejaculated deep and heavy inside our father.

"Hell yes," our dad his, excited to be bred.

I was horny as hell now. Impatiently, I got up and practically pushed Kevin out of the way. "Fuck 'im babe," he growled, placing his meaty paw on my strong shoulder. I looked down and saw his amazing prick wet with fresh cum. The view of Dad's asshole was better. Legs spread wide, our father showed off the now fucked-open hole and the incestuous creampie oozing out.

I'd never done this before, though it had been on my mind. At that moment, horniness overcame any hesitation I had. I leaned down and started licking Dad's pucker.

"Oh SHIT, Bro!" Kevin exclaimed. I didn't have to see to know my brother's softening prick surged right back into a hard watching me felch on his load. It was evident in my brother's voice.

Dad actually chuckled at how nasty I was being. But didn't care. I licked deeper now, rooting for a stronger taste of Kev's cum. I figured if I was gonna have my first felch experience, I'd go all the way.

Dad helped me out, by pushing out a good bit of Kevin's load. That familiar brother-husband flavor filled my mouth, and it drove me wild to realize just how much he'd cum.

"Oh fuck!" I growled as I pulled back, my throat half clogged with that assload. I rushed as I got into the saddle. I hoped to god Kev's fuck was foreplay enough for Dad, because I was coming in. My entry was rougher and more sudden than Kevin's had been.

"Yeah, Pop," Dad hissed. No softening cock this time, my father's meat twitched in its hardness as I boned him.

The dad-son mating was fevered. Dad clenching at my body and me doing my best Kevin Stansell topping imitation. As I fucked Dad and as Dad called me Pop with every other stroke, I imagined doing this to my father over the years, as the man entered his 60s, and even his 70s...

The idea almost tripped my trigger but I held off so Dad could cum. I didn't want to leave the old man high and dry. So I slowed my strokes and tried to work his butt nut. "Yes," he hissed, getting into the new rhythm. It wasn't a Kevin imitation, but a Kyle Stansell fuck.

My brother had actually gone to piss, like he always does after a good fuck. I guess I'd forgotten about him, because I was surprised to feel his hands on my mind and his kiss along my neck. "You're beautiful to watch Babe," he whispered. Instinctively I leaned back into that kiss and embrace, even as I had to slow my fuck down to a slow hump.

It took me a second to register how greasy Kevin's lubed cock was and how adeptly it was rooting in between my tight-end-worthy ass cheeks. "Whaddya say, bro?" he grunted, licking and nibbling at my ear lobe.

I wanted it. God, I wanted. "Yeah," I replied, and all of a sudden I was the center of attention. Dad's eyes on me, hungry but amused at watching me take my brother's cock. Kevin feeling me up to coax me to relax.

My man knew he had to take his time. And it had been a solid four months since he'd fucked me. I was tight as fuck.

But something about that situation was opening me up. Slowly, then more steadily I felt Kevin's thick tool plowing in. Challenging me to accept all of him.

"He's big isn't he, Pop?" Dad asked.

I looked down in my father's brown eyes. "Feels even bigger going in," I answered.

"It's gonna make you feel amazing, Pop," Dad said with sincerity. "Always does."

Kevin loved being talked up like that, and he now thrust more excitedly into me. It was intense but in a good way. Particularly once Dad's ass started clenching down on my own cock, buried deep inside him. My father was stroking his meat once more and sending shock waves to my bone in the process.

I wouldn't saw we had a practiced rhythm doing a fuck sandwich, but we alternated between Kevin driving things and me being the one to move my hips between these two men.

Dad came first. The excitement of watching his two sons fuck combined with the stimulation in his ass.

"Fuck son!" Kevin exclaimed, watching over my shoulder as heavy spurts of semen spurted from our father's reddened cock. "Give it up, stud."

Just hearing those role play words in my ear got me off. I grunted in orgasm, wordlessly but my body tensing and revealing that I'd crossed the line in a major way.

Kevin's hips were now bucking faster, almost frantic in the guy's realization he had a brief window to get off in me before I lost the sex-fueled openness in my ass.

He made it, barely. My brother-husband's strong hands gripped my waist as he powered his second cum of the night inside me. Making up for no-sex Game Day. I accepted his seed, proud that I'd done this, put out for my man.

My brother gave a soft kiss to the back of my neck and slowly pulled out.

This was always the hardest part of the role play. Not going back to our real-life family roles. But we'd learned to keep it going. Wordlessly, we showered off, first me and Dad in the shower, before I stepped out and let Kevin join him.

"You going to sleep with us tonight, Son?" I asked as I toweled off and watched them rinse under the spray.

Dad looked over at Kevin, maybe expectantly but mostly trying to read his reaction. Kev patted Dad's ass. "Up you, son, but your dads would love to have you join us."

It was wild to see the mature man, a pro-ball veteran and a coaching legend in his own right, act like a deferential college kid with us. He smiled and his dick chubbed out a little as he nodded.

I thought I was spent, but my own prick firmed up at the sight. All the way to full erection. Kevin laughed. He'd cum twice and his beautifully thick prick hung soft, water dripping off.

"Gotta warn ya, Son," my brother said. "Us coaches can be real horny bastards sometimes."

Dad chuckled and I watched as he slipped out of Kevin's embrace and dripping wet, stepped onto the bath mat before crouching in front of me in that classic blow job kneeling position.

"Wouldn't have it any other way, Dad.... Pop..." Then looking up at me he took my son-prick into my mouth.

[randomlydreamingsblog]

10 of my top Kakasaku headcanons:

!!!!! Before I start, if you share different opinions or just think something different it’s okay, these are just MY thoughts on how I personally picture the ship. Since they’re not canon, it opens to a lot of possibilities and opinions, so if you don’t like mine just keep scrolling and we’ll be fine !!!!!

1- It takes quite some time for them to start seeing each other in a different light. After the war their bond evolves into a low key friendship that gets them closer. After they both realize they feel attracted to each other, they both experience a lot of self conflict and mixed emotions. Things only switch when the tension between them is so strong they actually kiss and then things finally start to slowly move on from there.

2- Kakashi isn’t a hater of hospitals. He’s a reasonable man and he understands that health and rest are important, so he is not reluctant to doctors or nurses. He always prefers when it’s Sakura taking care of him, and he respects her orders. Even though he doesn’t enjoy being in a hospital bed (who does?) he does his best to follow the rules and let his body recover.

3- Kakashi is the one who falls first when he starts to notice he’s attacked to not only Sakura’s beauty but also her personality, different traits and small details like her laugh, her smell or the way she talks.

4- Sakura falls for him after a medical checkup when Kakashi shows his face to her for the first time. She’s shocked because he’s very different from the old bored man she’d pictured in her head: he’s actually much younger and incredibly handsome. That actually makes her see him in a different way and she ends up feeling attracted, and later, in love.

5- Their bonds with Sasuke will always remain. They’ll always love him and welcome him as part of their family and they’ll always be friends. Sasuke loves Sakura and wishes she has someone who can give her what he couldn’t and he’s happy when he finds out she’s with Kakashi. He doesn’t think it’s weird and actually believes they make a lot of sense together. (I simply don’t like to mischaracterize Sasuke just to make Kakasaku happen. Maybe it’s because I like the canon couple and understand Sasuke’s character)

6- Kakashi had very few sexual experiences in his life. He’s very reserved and doesn’t open up easily, so even though he can get attention from a lot of women, his ninja duties, past traumas and domestic personality don’t really allow him to have a relationship or commit to someone.

7- When it comes to Sakura, I believe 2 things can be true: either she and Sasuke actually have a full relationship for a while and later they end it in good terms, or they don’t even start a relationship and decide to be friends instead. In the fist scenario, Sakura has experienced everything form a relationship: love, intimacy and of course, sex. In the second scenario she has her fisrt time with Kakashi but the journey on love and intimacy is new to both.

8- Kakashi does feel a slight guilt about the way he neglected Sakura when he was her sensei. However it’s not that much shameful or too deep, because Sakura appreciates everything he did for her. It’s just that if he could go back in time he might do things differently, that’s all.

9- Showing his face was never a problem to Kakashi. Of course he prefers to keep his mask on and only takes it off when it’s highly necessary, but it was never a problem to show his face to the people who were closer to him, like Guy and his other jounin friends for example. The thing with team 7 is just because it was fun to tease them when he saw the 3 of them working so well together for something silly, so he kept teasing as much as he could.

10- Sakura is also a minute closeted “pervert” , just like Kakashi. She has a very sexual side but she keeps it to herself. Even though sometimes she might struggle with some insecurities and come off a little shy (which is perfectly normal because it’s very unrealistic to be 100% confident and outgoing all the time) she’s always brave to come out of her shell and enjoys experiencing new things. If she’s in love with someone she’s not afraid of anything and she’s very passionate, so with Kakashi she gives everything she has, and it’s HOT!

That’s it, I have more but this post would be too long. Hope you enjoyed it!

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

"Remus, open up to new people, to new possibilities. Perhaps Mary is right and we can find yourself a nice boyfriend..."

"Again with that subject..." Remus sighed.

Remus wished he could tell Lily that Sirius fancied him back. At least that's what he said. Remus promised Sirius not to tell anyone. Especially James. Lily being James' girlfriend, could tell him everything. James' opinion was important for Sirius.

But Lily was a special friend to Remus. She knew about Remus' crush only. And she was just trying to help.

"Come on, Remus" Lily smiled, then she looked around before whispering "You cannot wait for Sirius forever..." she whispered "I am sorry, love. But he is clearly straight..." she shook her head.

Remus almost laughed. There was nothing straight in the way he kissed him in the janitor's closet, or in the Astronomy Tower, or in their dorm little bathroom late at night. But he couldn't say that.

"And he is not only straight but a player for the looks of it" Lily tutted "He never takes anyone seriously. You know how many crying girls I have to comfort because he broke their heart?"

"Lily..."

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed, ignoring Remus "Look at the asshole now. He has no respect of anything or anyone..."

Remus followed Lily's eyes to find Sirius walking through the Portrait Hole with a group of fourth years apparently, talking, laughing and flirting. Fourth Years!! What a son of a bit...

Remus agreed to this. Sirius was supposed to act "normal" until he was ready to come out or figure out his sexuality. And his "normal" was flirting with every female body around Hogwarts.

Lily touched his arm in a sympathetic way. She must've seen Remus' obvious sad expression.

"Trust me, Remus" Lily touched his cheek delicately "You deserve better than pinning for a boy like that... Perhaps you can find your prince charming somewhere else"

Prince Charming. That's what Grant called Sirius all the time. So accurate that nickname.

"Do you want me to ask the girls for help?" Lily smiled "Mary knows all the cute gay boys at Hogwarts. Maybe we can set you up with someone?"

Lily was being a nice friend. And she was right. Remus lived with the illusion that Sirius loved him the same way he did. That one day he was going to confess his feelings to everyone and they would be together. But Remus wasn't sure.

Of course when it was just the two of them, it was amazing. Remus felt like Sirius liked him, like he was the only one for him. He said things that made him shiver, and the way he looked at him was breathtaking. But when they were in public, Sirius acted like he was the heartbreaking asshole everyone thought he was.

Maybe Sirius didn't even like Remus like that. He was just passing time. He was another warm body. And add the secrecy and illicit affairs, even better. More interesting, even.

Maybe Lily was right. But God, Remus was so happy with whatever Sirius gave him. The kisses, the touches, the tender moments, the laughters. He was falling hard. And he didn't want to quit.

At the moment, Sirius locked eyes with him. And gave him that gorgeous smile of his. And Remus was doomed. He took his decision.

"I don't want a boyfriend, Lily" Remus faked a smile "I am fine on my own"

Lily pursed her lips but nodded.

"Okay, love" she said "Whatever makes you happy"

Sirius made him happy.

"Just take care of your heart"

He couldn't. It already belonged to Sirius. Damn, Remus was fucked.

"I promise" he said, already knowing he was lying.