#I WILL ALSO ALWAYS MAKE EDITS TOOOO

[killuaisaprincess]

I AM ONE OF GONKIS STRONGEST SOLDIERS

I WILL ALWAYS WRITE GONKILLU AHHHHHHH

[isthataraccoon]

do you ever get the perfect idea for an edit and like you know the exact music transitions words and type of photos you would use and you can picture it in your mind but you’ve never actually touched editing software in your entire life and you have absolutely no talent or motivation to make it so you just have to hope someone else does or it magically appears

[ahogedetective]

"Happy Birthday Bestiiiiiieee!!" Ayumi practically threw herself at the detective and hugged him tightly! Lifting Shuichi up in the process and spinning him around. Oh, you know how Ayumi was-- Physically affectionate with her friends. And Shuichi was no exception!!

"Hehehehe!! I hope your day has been super good-- But it's only going to get better, because you know why? Presents from me! Ayumi Arakawa, MC Beating Heart!" Rapping God of Japan!" That was surely a title, but hey-- She earned it with her rep of taking down an entire sketchy but well known record label! But enough about her. This was about Shuichi! The Birthday Guy!

She holds out a bag for him! Inside were hard-cover collector editions of a certain series he liked! Even signed by the authors themselves!

"I heard one of your fave serious even got an audio drama released so...along with the books-- Tah-dah! CDs of the Audio Drama! Hehehe! They have my fave seiiyuu in it, so I might start readin' that series myself!" Of course, one way to get her into a series... was the voice actors; especially if they voiced certain 2d Husbands. But those were also in the bag too!

"Anyways, nothing but the best for my bestie!!! Happy Birthday, Sushi-kun!!!! There's something special in the bottom of the bag too...~ Heheh! Don't tell Izzy! It's for your eyes only! Aaand maybe open it private." Ayumi sticks her tongue out playfully. Oh she knew about her bestie's special interest.

... An other limited edition run... of a certain male gravure magazine; featuring Izuru when he did... idol work. @girlishwhiimsy

(( ITS SILLY GIRL TIME!! WITH THE SILLIEST GIFTS EVER!! only she could get get hands on limited edition runs >:3c izuru had his spotlight its ayumi time!!))

{ Shuichi Birthday!! 🎉}

@girlishwhiimsy !!!

"! Ayumi!! Thank-woah-hoh-hahaah!" The moment Ayumi lifted Shuichi up in that bear hug, the smile on his face brightens all the more, laughing as he holds on tight when she starts spinning him around!! "Ahaha, hi there!!! Thank you, thank you, bestie!" And Shuichi was always more than happy to return the hugs she gives him right back: he loves her hugs!

Once he's put down, he rapidly nods his head. "Thank you!! Yes, my day has been wonderful. Ahaha, that's right: made all the more better because you're here! Hehehe, no better person to receive presents from: the MC Beating Heart, herself! I'm so lucky!" He laughs, of course hyping her up like she deserves to be!

The moment he receives the bag from her, Shuichi curiously opens it up to see what's inside. "Ohhh...!!" His eyes practically sparkle when first seeing the collectors edition of one of his favorite series: a detective anime he's been really getting into! "Is this the collector's edition!? And it's even got his signature...!!!!" Which he can't imagine how hard that must have been to get..! Or maybe for someone as famous as Ayumi, probably much easier. Either way, he was ecstatic.. all the more when she tells him she even got CD's of the audio dramas!

"You even got the audio dramas, too! I've been really wanting these, th-thank you so much!! For this and the books! Ahh, I see: ahaha, I had a feeling I heard one of your favorite seiyuu that you mentioned once... and yes, you should!! It's really good... think of detectives, but with special abilities! I could see you liking some of the guys: maybe even become one of your '2d husbands of the week.'" He jokes with a chuckle, knowing how much she loves her pretty boys.

"Ahaha, and that's why you're the best bestie, ever. Thank you so much, Ayumi! I can't wait to read the books and listen to the audio dramas later! I'll even tell you the parts your favorite seiyuus come on in case you get curious, hehehe... ....Oh?" He blinks when she suddenly teases about something special being at the bottom of the bag: and to not let Izuru know about it... and to open it in private...?! "U....U-Umm...A-Ayumi?? Wh...What exactly did you give me....? That I can't even tell Izuru abou...."

He peeks at the bottom of the bag. Trying to get a look of the cover as best he can without needing to take it out... and now he sees why she told him to open it in public, because he nearly drops the bag when he sees who is on the cover!! "...taaaAAAA-waaaawaahh?!?! I-Is....!!!! I-Is that...!??! Uwaaaaah...?!?"

It was Izuru. Shirtless Izuru on the cover of this gravure magazine. "O-Oh my god oh ym god my godddd-" Oh Shuichi has turned immediately red at the sight, and is packing everything back in the bag to completely cover the magazine at the bottom at lightening speed!! He's sorry, Ayumi, but those books and audio dramas might not be the first thing to peeks at tonight the moment he's back in his room...

"W..W-Well, um!! I-I can...c...certainly see why you said that, now!! Y-Yes, I will be s...sure t-to um!! Open it later i-in my room! F-For my eyes only!! Ahem!!" Before any more steam can rise out of his head, he's pulling Ayumi into a tight hug before she can dare tease him on how accurate she was!

"Th-That being said, th-thank you for such wonderful gifts, Ayumi!! I'm really happy I can have a bestie as wonderful as you!! Even if you love obliterating me like thisss!!!" Mostly said as a joke, and despite how red his face is, a bright smile does light up on his face! "You really did make today even better than ever...! Now come, I want to enjoy it even more with you! Let's pop into one of our favorite restaurants or cafes together...!"

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #41 | 5.28.24 ๋࣭⭑

It's hot girl (/gender neutral) summer season

HAPPY MAY!!

Hope you're all doing well <3 We're already getting into summer, which is a little crazy to me. The year is flying by! Before I get into what we actually did this month, it wouldn't be a May devlog without our annual Mermay celebration!

Look at those locks. His Ariel/Rapunzel era fr

Since I already had updated Mermay pieces for the Alaris LIs, I decided to do one for our beloved Van this year ^^ Hope you all like it!

For writing this month, I spent a lot of it catching up on Etza edits. Being totally transparent, I wasn't Completely Happy with their route when their draft was finished. But now that I've started the editing process with Wudgey, I'm really excited to see how their route is shaping up!!! We've been fleshing a lot of little interactions out with their route, and I can already see Etza's character really starting to shine with these edits ^^

I've also been chipping away at Kuna'a's route! While it's nowhere near finished, I'm hopeful that this upcoming month will be the month of Kuna'a now that I don't have a bunch of releases I'm trying to balance. His route is also one of the ones whose outline is more fleshed out (Druk and Etza I would say were the least fleshed out, which might be why they also took a bit longer). So I'd love to see Kuna'a's first draft complete/almost complete by the next devlog!

This month, I had to dust off my art skills tbh LMFAOIJSDF. It's been.... a WHILE since I've made CGs since I've been in the writing and coding dungeon for so long. So most of this month's art updates are me getting tilted from redrawing an ugly sketch over and over.

I DID manage to get the Van Mermay piece out. And I also was able to sketch out Kayn's Tragic End CG; that leaves only one CG that has to be sketched out! Currently, six of their CGs are finished, two need to be rendered, and one needs to be drawn still.

And since Kayn's CGs are mostly done, I've started drawing Fenir's. I was actually able to finish one because I basically Locked In when I made it, so here is a sneak peek!

Kisses his little pink nose

You might notice there's not toooo many updates on this month's devlog. The reason for that is because this month, I spent a lot of it recovering both mentally and physically. April shenanigans and those back-to-back releases took a lot out of me, and after going full speed basically since this year started, I learned I REALLY needed a break. That coupled with the concussion I got made it so that most of this month was focused on recovering and then getting back into the groove of things.

Another thing I tried to focus on this month was finding a balance in my workflow. Going into this month, I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown almost every day, in large part because I have a lot of big things I'm trying to accomplish this year. Between finishing my dissertation, Alaris, and a personal big event that I have to plan, I have a lot on my plate this year, and it's made it easy to get overwhelmed as the months pass by. So I wanted to find a balance between all three that didn't make me feel like I was also falling into insanity. After talking to beloved Wudgey of @herotome fame, I've started adopting a schedule that gives me enough structure and flexibility to feel like I'm making progress without going crazy and getting lost in the sauce.

While it's still early in the process, I'm really happy with the balance I've hit, and I'm feeling much more like myself now compared to a month ago!

I caught up on quite a few things in my backlog this month, which made me happy ^^ I always like to learn from and support other devs, so finally being able to return to that helped with the recovery process <3

I don't have any actual fanart pieces, but there are a couple of games I'd like to highlight!

First of all, of course I must talk about our hot girl (/gender neutral) summer cross-promo. If you haven't checked out these games, I can't recommend them enough!!

Links to each game can be found on the Alaris Game page under the magic and mystery otome section!

Specifically, Save the Villainess, The Good People, and Thorn for the Villain are amazing games if you're into thriller/political games layered with mystery

The Silent Kingdom (which I played recently and is AMAZING) and Dual Chroma (Otojam 2023 ALLY) have added mechanics of RPG for exciting action-adventure fantasy stories

Lost in Limbo, Obscura, and Snow White Ashes are BEAUTIFUL dark fantasy games. I've played all three of these and they have some of the most beautiful writing and visuals... BIG FAN OF ALL OF THEM.

Mask Beyond Lies and Sigh of the Abyss have that epic fantasy adventure appeal to them, in a way that I think is similar to Alaris! And Pearlglow Cafe (another Otojam 2023 ALLY) is a very lighthearted and charming game for those of you who like the comfy vibe that most of my stories have!!

Some other games that I played are Favor (@favorvn) by beloved @concreteparasite which is SOOOOO stylish. If you've played Binary Star Hero by Connie, you can expect that same stylish, dark, sultry vibe from Favor. If you haven't checked out either of those games by Connie, I can't recommend them enough, especially if you like yanderes. There is so much aesthetic and atmosphere to them!

I also played Where Winter Crows Go by @prikarin who is a VERY talented developer (and one I'm sure many are familiar with). I had a lot of fun romancing Crowe and both the MC and him have such strong personalities, it was so fun seeing their dynamic!!!! The CGs were also made by anta, who is the dev behind Thorn for the Villain, and they're BEAUTIFULLLLL. Each one has so much style and rly has a professional look to them. Can't recommend enough if you haven't played already ((heads up that it is another yandere game for those who can't do yandere!))

Okay I've yapped enough. If you've made it this far, you are god's strongest soldier LFMASLDIFJ. See you all next month with hopefully some exciting progress!

[bluestarjay]

Oooh I am so tired of the twinkification of haikyuu characterssss Istg if I see one more fanart of Ushijima where he looks like the love interest of a shoujou anime, and is lean/skinny I'm gonna actually scream wth guys he's beefy he's MUSCULAR he is a professional athlete and is like 6"4 I keep seeing fanarts where he has more of Tendou's physique and it bothers me sm like I always see fanart of him and I don't recognize its him cause he's so skinny and I'm like "Who is that? He's wearing the Shiratori- Oh my God, that's not Ushijima, is it????" And then I check the tags, and it is, and I'm like ???? Like, I'm all for drawing characters according to your headcanons, but Ushijima??? Lean??? And I'll go on Pinterest to get ship stuff bc it's less organized and lowkey easier to find stuff since it's just pictures, yk? But I'll look at it, and it's all that weird ass 2000s-2010s artstyle. Take Tsukihina, for example, and Hinata looks like a child. Like Tsukishima is HUGE, and Hinata is TINY!! Their height difference is not that big. And I feel like a lot of it is from comics or doujinshi, and the style just looks like it's from something R rated ykwim???? Like all of it is just helpless baby Hinata 🥺🥺 and his huge tall 'alpha' bf Tsukishima who hates everybody but him. Like they just take random characters and twinkify them; they make them overtly feminine for no reason and it makes me sooo madddd I am sick of fuckin Thumbelina Hinata and Levi Ackerman Ushijima make it stop!!!! OR THE OPPOSITE WHERE THEY MAKE RANDOM CHARACTERS SUPER DOMINANT AND SEXY AND WEIRD BC 1 THEY ALWAYS USE THE HIGH SCHOOL VERSIONS OF THEM AND 2 THEY ARE FUCKING LOSERS AND NERDS THEYRE NOT CALLING A GODDAMN SOUL "BABYGIRL 🫦😩" THEY ARE CALLING EACH OTHER MORONS AND INSULTINF THEIR HAIRCUTS **edit, I just wanted to add that all the fanarts I see of the popular characters, e.g ushijima, atsumu/osamu, oikawa, etc, all have the same exact face toooo, And I actually HATE the kind of art where people make them *so* buff they look like a Jojo or DBZ character,, someone who reblogged brought that up a bit and REALLL I hate it. And this is kinda irrelevant, but I think people also forget that people's body types change over time. Changing a characters body type (at least according to the character/source) should be fine, as that's what happens as you age. A character from an apocalypse show probably isn't gonna be super buff, but rather lean bc yes they are technically working out in the fact that they are traveling a lot and idk like killing zombies or whatever the basis for the show is, but there's also gonna be a loss of food yk, so they'd still be rather skinny. And that'd be the case for any body type. A high schooler isn't gonna have the same body as an adult, and people don't usually account for that, which is fine, I'm not saying anybody has to because it's such a small thing usually, but it's just a small pet peeve of mine. (I want a muscular post time skip Osamu with some chubbiness so bad he loves to eat, but he does still like working out. I just know that man has some chub on his stomach and I want it 😩😩)

[basofy]

i hope when the lisa definitive edition releases old and new players start to see the party members as not only a fun mechanic to progress in the game but also as their second purpose (specified even in their gang page)

which is to tell how different the people of olathe are from eachother from good to neutral to bad.

all of the party members got their own personalities, points of view and goals, which i've always been appreciative of because it makes them all feel like they're their own person and it shows that they're not going to think exactly like you just because they're on your side.

so some of them can be assholes that despise brad for different reasons and are even creepy to buddy and others can just be neutral on the whole thing or don't care about brad but don't hate him and there are others who are nice people who just want someone to hang out and get attached to brad and it pains them to betray him at the end. some of them even got someone they care about too the same way brad cares for buddy.

and all of this is made just so you don't see them only as tools, they are written this way to show you what the people of olathe are like from a closer perspective. the only other way to do this would be using npcs which would go more overlooked, and it already IS overlooked by players

becuz over time i've seen toooo many fans who speak as if absolutely every man in olathe is an asshole and a pedo, which is why they congratulate tooley too much just for being decent to buddy. i like him but you give him too much credit for something other characters do as well.

and they talk like these are just 'olathe standards' and like it's okay for this game when No, this game condemns this type of behavior at all times and it makes it very clear. it's not normal, it's just common

i mean was terry a creep towards buddy??? bo?? carp?? shocklord? birdie? nern? olan? the warlords??? and more characters and there are even npcs who deeply question the stuff going on around buddy or are simply not interested in her

and then i see takes such as "maybe x character is gay becuz they don't seem interested in buddy". pal i can think of a million better reasons to consider a character gay (sometimes no reason at all, have fun). (also again, TOOLEY. i mean he was seen at the beehive, isn't that a better reason to think he's gay??)

you don't need to be a pedo and a rapist to be attracted to women, and it's crazy how little the concept of consent matters to some people, because this isn't the only time i've seen this type of thinking over a piece of media.

this is a way of thinking that comes from people who got into lisa for the fun battles and do not understand the story, and it's sorta okay, it's fine if the battles are your favorite thing or if you're not that fond of emotional stories, but you can't ignore this part of the game, to do that you better just play something else, because my problem is that when you try to explain the emotional matters of lisa's story they never want to listen; they preffer living in their little bubble of misinterpreting everything. (like the amount of times i've tried explaining to other fans why lisa isn't worst than her goddamn dad and it's like talking to a wall) like damn, i love the battles too but i can perfectly have both things yknow.

anyway just my silly little thoughs that have been going thru my mind these past weeks, i take this game too seriously but i also feel like it's dumb not to because that's what it wants you to do.

hope things go well when the definitive edition drops and that everyone enjoys it 8)

[citystoryscapes]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

yayyyy thank you for the tag deepa, who is the best! @fiercynn <3 I've been meaning to participate in this for agessssss

since there are both recent newcomers to bbs fandom and people like me who are new to bbs tumblr, i thought i'd create a getting-to-know-you meme for people to introduce themselves if they want! all questions are optional

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition!

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

hey, I'm rain! that's not my actual name but it's all the internet is getting. my pronouns are she/they. I'm in my 20s and a grad student, and fandom has been a (selectively) great place for me in terms of finding supportive, brilliant friends. I like to write a fair bit; occasionally, I post it too. I also like cats, big cities, good tea, and old houses.

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

I'd heard about bad buddy because it was airing around the same time as another show I was watching, but I wasn't toooo interested until episode 5, part 4/i4. when I tell you that kiss UNLOCKED SOMETHING IN ME... I caught up on the first 5 episodes pretty much immediately after that while quarantining alone over Christmas, and it pretty much kept me sane. I watched the rest of the show as it aired- please spare a moment of silence for the people who had to wait out the two-week gap between episodes over New Year's.

bad buddy has always made me SO genuinely happy and hopeful, reminding me that there is hope for queer Asian people even if our families aren't always supportive.

favorite ship(s)

patpran, inkpa, and some comic relief waikorn

favorite character(s)

in terms of fanworks, it's a very close call between pran and pat, but I think pran is my favorite by a hair! I love his character arc throughout the show! I especially love his confidence and the way he grew into himself. pran might win in terms of being inspirational, but I have to say, I LOVE well-written pat meta.

in terms of who I'd like to channel in real life, it's obviously ink. she is the absolute coolest, a proud simp, and a protective girlfriend.

(I'm great at avoiding making choices)

favorite episode(s)

episode 5, because what could ever compare? I also love parts of episode 3 and 11 (I'm saying this as if I don't love the entire show).

favorite scene(s)

ep 5 rooftop kiss!!!! ep 3 bus stop and mini elevator scene; ep 4 pran's injury and the three wontons dinner; ep 6 beach scene where they're paired up in the game; and their trip to the market, ep 7 confession scene; ep 9's 'anyone taller than me is fine'!!!!! ep 11 bus scene, beach scene, and song montage; ep 12's entire bait and switch reveal, and pat pran's dinner out with friends.

see what I meant about avoiding making choices?

one thing you would change about the show if you could

seconding deepa, WHY DID INKPA NOT KISS??? also this isn't a change I would definitively make to the existing show, but I'd love a b-side where we see patpran's relationship in the years between their graduations and pran's return from Singapore.

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

I can't believe this is a question I am legitimately choosing to answer:

Fic:

make my body say ah, ah, ah by Sabulum

heart in a cage by sunshinedobi

paradox by Everybodyknows

dynamic by riddles2

a nose boop and the rest is history by seekingmoonscapes

don't forget me when I let the water take me by gilly_bean

your love is your life by threewontons

Videos:

same page by dkyth73

just friends by fiercynn and scribe

dancer by coldties

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

technically I've only published one bad buddy fanwork (it's a fic called these violent delights). my favorite thing I've created for the show is an unpublished canon-divergence fic where patpran have sex and possibly get together during their ep 6 beach trip

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

I'm sticking to the classics; same page and just being friendly by tilly birds are my top choices. I also made playlists for pat and pran, for said unpublished fic, so here's some of the songs I picked for both:

for pat: the loneliest time by carly rae jepsen, double take by dhruv, better by khalid, the enemy by andrew belle

for pran: washing machine heart by mitski, 18 by 1D, and dancer by leon

idk anything else you want us to know?

I love all of you smart meta writers, I'm kissing your big beautiful brains

okay i'm literally going to tag all of my tumblr mutuals that i think are still in the fandom (if i missed anyone sorry!!), but also if you want to do the meme consider yourself tagged! please don’t let this flop lol 🤞🏽

[carmenized-onions]

okay so i’m on chapter five of “Chicago’s kindest” and i couldn’t even wait until i finished the chapter to send this because MY GUY????? Syd and Tony hs besties??? Chip asking Carm if he wants to take her on a date?? CARM WANTING HER TO WORK FOR HIM AND MAKE HIM LAVENDER LATTES??????????? I’m so- ListeN feminist!carm does inexplainable things to me - like screaming into a pillow because i love him so much - things. i have a lot of thoughts so this is part one of ?? however-many asks (1/ )

HEHEHEHE Syd and Tony are vv much me writing me and my dearest girl friend's dynamic if we were them. It's vv fun to write it that way.

Chip really fuckin' created a canon event in that moment, if she didn't ask him that I doubt he would've ended up doing it. But it was like. A double dog dare. Practically.

HIM BEING REFERRED TO AS FEMINIST FOR THIS MOVE MADE ME LAUGH. Because yes-- Like 100% what you said here:

Like definitely it's for her BENEFIT to not work at Eden's but it's also, to me writing it, it was also like 'i want you to work not there so simply no one will look at you the way everyone looks at you'. An antsy jealousy he does not have the right to express, truly. But ALSO feminism. Two things can be true. Well, three-- He also wants all her time. For menuuusssss.....

Being 'annoying' (you're not, btw) over my series, truly makes my soul do flips. We've gotta go to the next ask before I scream about it. OH if there was a part 3, by the way, and you did NOT miscount, tumblr did fucking eat it. i'm so sorry. if this is the case I'M gonna eat tumblr.

I'm so genuinely happy to see the very soft lines people cling to. I try to write in like, a very natural human flowing way and not FORCE lines-- And while I do love that, I do sometimes worry that simple lines like these fall through the cracks, in a way, because they're very like, human things that people say. Or at least that me and my people say. AND SO TO SEE Y'ALL READING AND NOTING THESE LINES REALLY ENCOURAGES ME SO THANK YOU!!!

He really wanted to say 'I like when you talk to much', I could never tell how to make that explicitly clear, so i just didn't. He wanted to say it SO bad. There were like, several moments in this chapter of him going 'now is the part where i ask her out' and just him continuously bowing out until the end. Honestly play a fuckin' where's waldo with yourself if you ever re-read and find em. HA.

I DID ASK FOR THESIS AND I'M SO GLAD TO BE GETTING IT YOU HAVE NO IDEEAAAAAAA!!!!!

And YEEEAGGHGHGHG That's the fuckin STUFF right there. The CARE!!!! bro!!!!!!

Chicago's Kindest new header.

I love writin' romance with these two because it is always so explicitly not like violent or hungered but like-- Such a profound care before it's anything else. And that's just really fun and soft to write. Except for when he did get his kiss. then it was hungry. then it was starving, actually. TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE!!!!!

NICE YOU!!!! NICE YOU!!! I'M CALLING A DOCTOR!!!!!!

Tony's got an iron-clad will, I would've folded, honestly. I would've fuckin' folded.

AND ALSO SON OF A BITCH, I should've been more explicit, maybe I'll ninja edit it in the future, but the second thing Carm 'gave' her WAS in fact the fucking hickey. He was just bein' a cheeky motherfucker. I was just trying to avoid writing he fuckin SUCKS your NECK DUDE and it's CRAZY!!!! Because I'm not prepared with that writing skill set yet. I don't know how to write intimacy yet. without being haha funny about it. So. We'll get there,,,, maybe.

ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR THIS FUCKIN' ESSAY IT MEANS MORE THAN WORDS LOVE YOU TOOOO!!!!!

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @winterandwords to uh... talk about a WIP I guess? :D

I'll pass on this tag toooo... @starlit-hopes-and-dreams (as always <3) but I'm not sure who else, so if you feel like talking about a WIP, consider this an open tag.

Oh boy, which to pick. There are currently only 2 projects where the P in WIP actually stands for "progress" (for the others it stands for "procrastination".)

I think I'm gonna pick Till Death. It is the one I am currently obsessed with, and the only one I am writing, not editing.

Here's the blurb:

Finnian is a wandering healer down on his luck. When one of his patients dies, the village turns against him, beating him half to death and leaving him for thirst and scavengers to finish what they started.

Eilis lives deep in the forest, hiding from the world. When she finds him, impaled on a tree and barely alive, she can‘t leave him to his fate, even if it means upending the peaceful life she has built for herself.

As Finnian slowly recovers, days filled with quiet companionship make the prospect of him staying less daunting than either of them had expected. But he carries too many scars, and Eilis too many secrets, threatening to destroy their fragile relationship as the shadows of the past draw closer. When everything falls apart, will they save each other, or will the price be too high?

You see, in April I finished the last chapter of all my ongoing stories, which left me in a very weird mood. For 1,5 years I always had something to work on, and suddenly, there was nothing started. Sure, I had a few outlines, but nothing really called to me, with the added problem that for those, I have to figure out bullshit like politics. I needed something new. New chars I didn't know yet, a fresh story - and 🌟violence🌟 :)

I've been talking about wanting more gore with happy end, but sadly, existing OCs are so fragile, I can't even break all their bones without them dying 🙄 So it was time to fuck up another healer.

For a few weeks, I threw concepts against a wall like cooked spaghetti, grabbed whatever stuck, and then I just started. It's the first time in a year that I actually write a story without posting as I go. I can leave a little note "this sounds weird, fix later" or remember "shit, I forgot this injury" or change a name halfway in. I know. That's how a draft is supposed to work 😅

I'm at over 60k words, and it's looking good. There's a few 'first times' for me, a lot of things I love and a lot of things I am excited about. I have a rough outline of events still to happen that leaves me enough freedom to go wild. And wild I go; half of the scenes are gratuitous pain and suffering, and there will be more - but it's also a story of love and finding a place to belong. Which brings me to the next point:

I'm tired. Tired of feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Of having no genre and being "just whump" because it fits nowhere else. Of being "not enough whump" while still finding myself on every squick list.

So this one's written for a target audience of some very close friends - a target audience for which I don't have to write CWs at the top of each chapter, a target audience who doesn't grow bored at the first calm moment, a target audience who will call me a bitch while asking for more pain.

I love you, pocket friends 💜

Here's the start of the book (unedited, rip):

Finnian hated dealing with sick people.

Considering the fact that he earned his money with healing, that was rather unfortunate. If he didn’t want to starve to death, he had to grit his teeth and ignore the stench of sweat and blood while taking care of coughs and aches and fever.

Sometimes, he wished he had learned something else after it had become clear that this wasn’t the right profession for him. Then he wouldn’t be sitting here, explaining to a grown ass woman that when he had told her to keep the wound clean, that included keeping the bandages away from dirty water. And that yes, it fucking hurt, because now it was infected, and if she didn’t plan on losing a finger or two, she’d better keep her hand dry and clean this time. And that perhaps, just perhaps, that was a bit more important than cleaning the windows.

Unfortunately, he had not learned anything else, so he left the house half an hour later with barely enough coins in his pocket to make up for the supplies he had used. Most roots and herbs he could gather himself, but bandages and tinctures didn’t grow on trees.

[maiverie]

hello <3 i finally started reading triage and i laughed too hard reading the first chap :'D i loved the chemistry jokes sm (im still finding a time to read the rest but unfortunately it's almost time for school again) you're actually my fav author here in blr !!! your writing is just so well-written and that might be an understatement bcs it's just so good ??? i think no simple words can explain how amazing of an author you are <3 like the way you deliver the words and how you let readers imagine the little scenarios you make like it's so cool <3

(sorry if this is too long but) i also came here to ask you for advice hehe. im kind of a newbie here in blr and im currently working on my upcoming series.. and im unsatisfied with my progress and found myself deleting my drafts (for abt two times already ??) and i want to know how to be more confident in my writings and how not to overthink too much yk ?? would really love to hear your thoughts on this. you're not only a good author but a good advisor too !!! thank u sm <33

hi lexine (nice to meet u !!), stopppp YOU ARE TOOOO nice thank you sooo much for taking the time out to write this??? 😭💖 firstly, thank you for reading triage and plsss nawt the bitchless chemistry jokes 😭 kidding I also giggled while writing those parts smh

and secondly, ur fav author??? STOP LYINGGG i consider that such a high honour so thank you so much 🥹💞 to have your support is one thing and to read such positive words is another, so again thank you for taking the time out of your day to leave this message because it just made my day :(

aaa please don't apologise because I love long asks the most, and yes ofc my asks are always open! I have a tendency to ramble so beware a long message is below the cut — nevertheless I really hope this helps! 🥹💞

I firstly just want to preface that I obviously do not know everything about writing and this is all truly just one opinion, so only take what resonates 🫶

I can only really speak from personal experience, but I think it's actually a really good thing that you're going back to your drafts, revising your writing, which may or may not include the process of deleting/restarting things. obviously it's a really gruelling experience to go through (bc there's nothing worse than deleting all ur hard work), but I think it's really admirable that you're thinking about your writing and putting in the effort to make it better with each draft !! personally, I am constantly writing and re-writing my drafts and as much as it literally HURTS MY SOUL to delete words/paragraphs/sometimes entire chapters, I genuinely enjoy this process — to me, that's what writing is kind of all about? I know to most people ff is really not that deep (they're not wrong, it doesn't have to be) but I think the fact you're practising deliberation, reflection and thought in your writing, word choice, characters, plot etc. etc. is really really amazing !!

personally, I would say the thing to keep in mind is that everything needs to be in moderation — I've had chapters that have literally taken me a fuckload of re-writes (I'm a big overthinker / slight perfectionist), and while I did initially enjoy the whole process of editing / re-writing / discovering how to change certain scenes etc, it was really really mentally draining and I ended up losing passion for the story in the end. just be careful that this might happen to you? to avoid this, maybe every time you've reached a block (where no matter how much you re-write something, you always seem to hate how it turns out) you should try find a different source of inspiration — whether that means thinking about your story/characters with a different song playing, or moving wherever you tend to write, or having someone brainstorm ideas with you / beta-read your fic, or take a few days off !!

out of curiosity, what don't you like about your first drafts? is it the writing or the pacing or the characters? or is it something you can't quite put a finger on? let me know and we can try think about it together !!! im also the biggest overthinker when it comes to writing (💀) but what kind of comforts me and brings my feet back to the ground is reminding myself that 1) my fics are for MYSELF (i.e. you should be writing things you would want to read yourself, not what others might want to read - bc once you make it all about other people, that's when you really start to overthink) and 2) if im gna be fr, 90% of people on tumblr, especially enhablr, only really care about ff bc they want to read about their bias (if they wanted to read well-written literature, they would probably read a published book or smth yk). in saying that, it's totally okay for your fics to be imperfect (who cares! it's fanfiction!). I think just reminding yourself that ff is just a silly little thing u do in ur spare time (for which has 0 tie to your self-value) will keep you from overthinking things and raging when things get really hard !! when it comes to confidence, I think that comes gradually in small doses (the more you write, the more confident you become in your personal style / writing likes and dislikes), but maybe some ways to feel more confident is by getting a beta reader that you trust (and will give you effective advice — one that doesn't just shower you with compliments but can give you constructive criticism in a nice way), by reading other people's work (just to see if you're on the right track; if you read other people who have written similar tropes to you, it might make you feel less scared / in the dark bc you can see how they've executed it), or by changing the font on your google doc(?) to try reset your brain and re-read your work with fresh eyes.

I hope hope hope this helped in some way, please don't hesitate to reach out again if anything needs clarification or if I didn't quite answer your question (I'm sorry if I didn't 😭) !! <333 you're welcome anytime around here hehe so best of luck with ur series AND WELCOME TO BLRRRR <3333 it sounds like you're on the right track w ur writing if you're being conscious of all these things so I wouldn't fret at all!!! <33

if it helps, I've written other writing tips here, here and here! 🫶

[juminies]

Hellooo Ann do you have a favourite among your fics? Why? (I've bookmarked your fics that I haven't got around to read BUT I WILL SOMEDAY once my fanfic reading mood is fully back)

Ooooh! A lot of the time I try not to think about my fics toooo much after I post them. I think it comes with the annoying perfectionist in me already having read them a million times while writing/editing and getting a little bit sick of myself 🤦🏻‍♀️ But I gave it some thought and decided, interestingly, probably my first and most recent JuminMC fics.

I think gentle intimacy will always hold a special place in my heart because I hadn't really written anything domestic and lovey at all in over three years, and also I had no idea what to expect upon publishing it. It felt like a bit of a shot in the dark. I really wrote it for myself (I might have started writing it before even making this blog?) but the reception to it was so lovely and encouraging too!!

Then as a reader if I was choosing a favourite of my fics it'd probably be to rise with you. Like it was sickeningly self indulgent. I think about both complimenting and waking up next to that man TOO much for my own good so it really is just what I needed. But isn't self indulgence part of the fun of writing every now and then? :'-)

In all I am most certainly a fluff girl for the most part, hahaha.

I'd ask you in return but I see Faye already did, so I'll look out for hearing your thoughts on your own writing too!

[squishylemonbubbles]

to be clear

body image and unhealthy expectation shit is also why i don't really focus on descriptions about rippling muscles and how big anyone's dick or ass is and things like that even in smut

bodies are weird and complicated, and what society thinks of as "fit masculine men" are very, very often men who have been dehydrated, worked to the bone, and then edited on top of that. it's just not a realistically achievable type of body - and even the men who get close through constant abuse of their bodies often don't have the long form strength and stamina to really make it worth their while.

and as for dick and ass, yeah, there's a lot of shame around that shit. i think almost every single time i've seen a focus on dick size, it's always been kiryu bigger than majima. why? is it because people read kiryu as more manly, and more manly = bigger dick? the only exception i found was a fic where kiryu has a micropenis to invert the standard and… idk i was uncomfortable with it, just the way things were worded felt a bit too much like a fetish piece.

plus around gay communities (especially places like here that skew younger, opposed to local scenes that might exist) you can start to get some association with like, big dick = top, bottoms are bottoms because they have smaller dicks, bottoming is effeminate, all that. lemme fuckin tell ya, tops wouldn't exist if there weren't any bottoms.

i don't care which one of them has the bigger dick, or the tighter ass. whichever one is bottom or top is an ever changing preference that has nothing to do with their bodies - and ofc it's not bad to be exclusively one or the other, they're just both vers lol.

it's hard to avoid unhealthy ideals and images in this fandom especially because it comes into focus with these characters often. but it's good to at least understand and leave room for healthier ones. like i'm not opposed to appreciating bodies and cracking jokes (i've done it toooo i'd be a hypocrite), just that at the end of the day, none of these guys would really look like this.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAO the double whammy sassy asshole dynamic is so funny but I get what you mean about its practicality LOL I’m ngl between the Isagi post and this I wonder if rewatching bllk this time is gonna lead to isagism LOL Ok but genuinely my other thought was maybe more Barou appreciation!! Or maybe if you come across a tiktok edit to some fire music of a scene in s1 it could be someone completely random/new!

STOP THE KIYORA KNITTING HC IS SO REAL??? I don’t even know how to describe it but heavy on this vibe like, especially with the “not hiding just not brought up” part you kinda cooked with that…also bro the chokehold Rio had on me….talk about gateway bird media

SSHSHS OK IM GLAD LMAOOO the hiatus scare concept honestly just shows your dedication like no one’s doing it like you…we all trust you’ll cook LMAOO

The work you do for Karasu nation is immeasurably truly…ok but I can’t wait for whatever you write next!! The request lineup honestly slaps excited for another Mira banger o7

BRO THE EDIT??? You made that a little too fast but omfg I see it….it’s literally them….

Pause the good ≠ popular thing is so real like….just because something was captivating enough to become popular doesn’t necessarily equate to it actually being thought out well either…I mean there’s several cases where the art style can just be really good or the characters are good looking and it’s enough to get people to read….

I truly think that the inability to understand the concept constructive criticism is like biggest issue plaguing communities like you are required to absolutely love every part of something like hello….

The jjk hype build up/bait is honestly so real though…you can kinda feel it in how gege handles things that he can be reliant on shock factor of capsized to try and spice things up…

Honestly same the rat tails are a no no for me….i also think in terms of more assholey characters i much prefer ones like Karasu over Kaiser LOL

Noel noa being a paid actor would be so real HAHA I can imagine that they’d maybe even just go to sign marriage documents and wouldn’t really even have a full ceremony! I don’t really know enough about weddings to say much beyond that but yeah LMAO

Ok but wait circling back, how’s the dub LMAOO any character updates….

- Karasu anon

EEK DON’T MANIFEST ISAGISM FOR ME!! i just got to second selection but i will keep my thoughts to myself until i’ve finished all of season one…also it’s so funny to see characters from the manga in the background DHDJSKS even though they never put KARASU there 😒 maybe it’s because his hair is just so obviously not side character worthy that it would stick out too much?? like less of an easter egg and more of a “look at these guys”

LMAOO kiyora is mine now 😈 and oh i loved the rio movies too!! as a bird stan it truly is the perfect movie but also in general it’s such a fun and vibrant film PLUS it’s surprisingly heavy given the intended audience

i prefer to slow cook full course dinners instead making of super quick microwave meal fics 🙏🏻 JFJDSJ that was silly but ykwim

it’s truly always a surprise what i’m going to post next i feel 😭 but agreed there’s a lot of cool stuff in my inbox that i’m excited about writing!! plus karasu nation will be fed trust i have more than a couple of requests for him as you know so i will be back 🤩

THE EDIT HAD ME CACKLING BECAUSE IT FITS TOOOO WELL 😨 kaneshiro if you’re listening give us yuki x gagamaru PLEASE they both need friends so bad

no exactly i mean me personally if an art style is good i’ll watch something that’s otherwise mediocre…you see it a LOT with manhwa too where people will gas up the most mid villainess isekai abusive male lead shit ever because of the art style 😭 and yeah the day that people realize what constructive criticism actually is will be the day we reach peace in online fandom spaces

YESS when i think asshole character i imagine like sassy jerk who’s secretly a sweetheart (karasu or barou) NOT someone who is genuinely questionable at times 😟 i think it’s a matter of lightheartedness like with characters such as karasu you know that half of the time they’re just saying bs because they’re trying to tease you but kaiser lowkey means it fr 😭 idk he’s not my fav but that doesn’t stop me from writing him if people request it HAHA

okay i actually rlly like the dub surprisingly!!! i LOVE anri’s voice (probably more than the sub) she just sounds sm more mature and actually in control of things?? her and ego’s interactions also feels more equal somehow even though the lines they’re saying are the same…smth abt the tone though makes it feel less like ego’s degrading anri and more like he’s just kind of a shithead 😭 and oddly enough i rlly enjoy niko’s voice?? it’s very satisfying to listen to somehow 🤩 everyone else’s are pretty fine so far except nagi’s 😰 lowkey i don’t really like nagi’s dub he just doesn’t sound the way i imagined nagi would 😓 his japanese VA is just too iconic ig…also i haven’t gotten there yet but i think i saw a clip of karasu’s dub from the last ep of season one and i remember not rlly liking that either 💔 he was kinda too rough sounding i think i pictured him to have less of a harsh voice and something smoother 😩 but it was also only one line so maybe i’ll like it more in the future?? not that i plan on watching s2 in dub at least at first 🤔 i will say the dub does an excellent job of feeling realistic in terms of the dialogue lines and slang…like yes this is exactly what these losers should sound like LMAOAOA it’s honestly pretty funny at times

[himbirch]

i just wanna add onto this because ada's spectre will always have me giddy and sad and so excited about her. she's my everything. also be warned i didnt do much research, pls lmk if any of this is scientifically wrong so i can edit it

also i'm calling the rich guy who killed her tamerlane for simplicity's sake (this is a reference to the poem she's from (called Tamerlane), where tamerlane is the narrator and her lover)

cw for some grotesque stuff about dead bodies, some mentions of sexuality

so as to the way she's held together by shoddy stitching, it's my opinion that tamerlane actually hacked her up and hid her pieces in different places to avoid getting caught. this would also explain why some parts of her are so much more decomposed than others, because swamps (more specifically low oxygen conditions) can slow decomposition a lot. this would make sense as to why her arms and legs are still mostly intact (just a bit dirty/moldy) while her torso, head, toes and fingers are all bone. her being torn to pieces would also make sense for the way that she moves, stretching the threads in her stitches and dislodging entire parts of her body. also the way her jaw dislodges when she screams could hint that he mightve torn it off.

i also think the bones on her spectre are super interesting: theres fish, snakes, a coyote skull on her hat, and i think some dog skulls as well (could be wrong, i didn't properly ID the skulls). its not totally clear to me whether any of the bones are animate, i'm assuming not but they do look to be screaming in certain panels (could be part of her earsplitting scream power, maybe not). but these bones could be other creatures that died in the same place, or even (this is a stretch ik) creatures tamerlane hunted (rich people still hunted for sport in the 30s i think, although i'm positive that poor people hunted for sustenance during the great depression, so then again the animals might've been killed by ada or her family for food)

the RIBBONS: oh my gosh ok i'm GIDDY about these okok so. if you somehow didn't notice the parallels between annabel lee and ada by this point, let me enlighten you. annabel and ada are paralleled a LOT. they're both single-minded and obsessive about love, they're both manipulative, they've both dabbled in playing both sides, they both have self-worth issues and have been victims of society as women (although ada also had the disadvantage of poverty). it's my slightly delusional opinion that annabel dislikes ada in part because she sees herself in her (ex. the panel where ada is all like "is there anything better than love?" and annabel grimaces and looks down) in any case the RIBBONS GUYS!! i don't have to tell yall that ribbons are constantly connected with annabel, and the way that HER fear sequence involved being wrapped in them. ada having ribbons on her skirts AND HAT (did yall notice that there is a giant ribbon tied AROUND HER NECK) (also in her HAIR. in spectre and in regular form the ribbon in her hair!!!! oh yall are not ready for me to start yapping about the significance of ada giving lenore her ribbon in the manor you're NOT ready) but anyway!!! ribbon literally around her neck, just like annabel in her fear sequence, could very well symbolize ada's own experience with the disempowerment of being a woman, the way she was not allowed to say anything (ex. tamerlane speaking over her as she bled out, no one respecting her, everyone overlooking her INCLUDING ANNABEL (ex. when ada says she might've underestimated lenore post-maze and annabel is SHOCKED) montresor being shocked by like. everything she does lmfao.) ok toooo be fair i'm not totally 100% on what the ribbons represent but i know they relate to annabel somehow I SENSE IT (insert conspiracy theorist gif)

also this vv (i think im allowed to share this)

but ye i wanted to mention that. NOW BACK TO ADA

the way she DIED: humiliated by someone who she thought loved her, certainly, but there is also a theory that she was pregnant when she died! to support this: she was axed in the stomach, told that she gave tamerlane "no choice" but to kill her. also:

ada didn't die in childbirth, but if she was pregnant she was killed directly (or like. roughly around) the womb.

AND AND AND (from An Encyclopedia of Fairies by Katharine Briggs in the section on banshees, quoted from Memoirs of Lady Fanshawe (from an alleged first-hand banshee encounter from the 1600s)

her subtype being Hag was foreshadowed when she taunted lenore post-maze and called her a hag, shrieking old crone etc (oh ada. oh ada no.)

her powers:

earsplitting scream is pretty standard procedure for banshees, i believe, not much to be said that i know of

mark of the grave: i don't think we've seen this one in action yet, but banshee encounters are very often premonitions of death from what i can see online, so she may be able to either mark someone for death or perhaps predict who is the next to die (could she have something to do with lenore's curse, perchance? did she mark her? or monty? maybe? i mean she did touch both of them and prospero in her spectre form quite a bit [WHAT IF SHE MARKED LENORE WITH THE RIBBON]) she also took prospero's cravat, it's unclear if that will come back but he has another one so maaaaybe not (would be neat tho) (ada is the best prospero hairdresser)

and of course, fear itself, her ability to create fear hallucinations:

i find the romantic/intimate undertones of this ability of hers FASCINATING. let me explain. in order to trigger this ability her target has to be staring into her eyes, and she often holds their face in her hands to guide their eyes to hers, in the same motion as though she were about to kiss them (although she ONLY does this with the men who MAY I MENTION are her love interests. it's kind of so so so so so interesting that its like she's taking the power back from these men who have been using her, disrespecting her, and underestimating her. also maaaybe she's violating their fears like this as a kind of late and misplaced revenge on tamerlane for what HE did to her and how HE violated her? am i insane perhaps? maybe.) but okok so. so. when she uses this ability she's almost flirty about it. ex. holding prospero gently, saying he's cute scared, face all up in lenore's and being all "not as brave as you pretend?~", and do i really have to explain how this is flirty? vvvv

also its sososososososososoooo interesting how she didn't do this with annabel, and annabel was also the only one who broke free of the illusion on her own. coincidence? I THINK NOT. like yes annabel has mental fortitude for miles and yes she's queen of dissociation, but i also think the illusion was weaker with her because of the clinical nature with which ada was looking at her, and the anger and impersonality when she grabbed her. also ada respects her like a lot. idk i think it has something to do with it. also the way monty's was like a FULLON hallucination where she wasnt even present. i would posit that's because of the strong emotion ada feels for him, and the romantic/intimate nature, again.

THE COMMON THREADS IN THE HALLUCINATIONS:

HANDS: the hands crawling up prospero, the handprints on monty + his mother's hands, and lenore's hands over annabel. (also the fewer amount of hands on annabel -> weaker hallucination perchance. but i digress). this goes once again along with the kind of intimate nature of ada's spectre. ada, someone presumably used for her body a lot in her life (at the very least by tamerlane, though i would bet money he wasn't the only one), having the power to make other people feel the fear she probably felt, through the use of hands over them. idk. idk its just a theory.

IMMOBILIZATION: this may be in part a freeze response on the part of her victims, but all of the hallucinations we've seen so far have included some kind of immobilization. annabel tied up with her ribbons and lenore, prospero rooted in place and being dissected by hands, monty being immobilized by fear the second his mother appears, wrapped around him and for the first time in the entire comic we see him submit to someone. to anyone. also his fight response is so interesting because his instinct is to fight anyone who is scaring him, EXCEPT FOR HIS MOTHER. sorry i'm. insane. he's so interesting. oh also lenore. personally i think her immobility WAS her fear response, and that her greatest fear was losing control of her body and being unable to help any of her loved ones because she literally couldnt even control herself but thats a whole nother ballpark.

aand i think thats all i can think of rn. im sure i'll come back to this later, ada is my everything and her spectre is so beyond gorgeous. i would kiss her right on the skull <3

ada's spectre, and why i'll likely always feel sad about it

here is the promised analysis/talk about ada's spectre. going to preface this by saying i obviously don't know the true intent behind everything and her design, i just like to look, giggle and then make sad little observations which just help me love this silly webcomic even more. so if you disagree with me on something– totally ok! i love to learn and i love to see different interpretations.

there's also a few bits i missed out because i wrote this all last night in a bit of a haze, and i cannot be bothered to expand on some of my ideas, especially when it's just stuff like "BROS SO PARANOID AND RAW RIGHT NOW".

anyways, here we go :) @mugcereal this one's for u pookie <3

so i think with ada's spectre, we first need to look at the instance as to how she gets it, because that always makes things way more sad!

to specify, she turns into her spectre at episode 69, and i think it's really sad how she does it. she basically gets a string of roasts from prospero that go along the lines of calling her "conceited" "twadry" and "... and stupid!" – effectively throwing back in ada's face what she believes everyone thinks of her.

(obviously, as a very big and glaring sidenote, i believe prospero is aro/ace or just aromantic so OBVIOUSLY i am not bashing him for this. bros told her so many times that he doesn't want to be with her, let alone to be touched. that is a flaw in ada's character and is a reminder to us on the importance of boundaries!!!!)

so, ada is basically there, collapsed on the floor in a robe– effectively showing the most intimate and private part of herself as an insecure and lonely girl. and that's when she transforms.

i think it's interesting to understand how this most likely links to her life and how she died. so we know she was killed with an axe, most likely by the man she fell in love with and worked for, and how prospero's words in this situation, hurt her just the same as the words before her death. why?

because they remind ada of what she knows and fears she is: just a stupid, fake and cheap person who will never have the same status and respect as the people she pretends to be and surrounds herself by.

i think it's also interesting that she's clutching her stomach/torso here, and correct me if i'm wrong but that could be a potential signal to the part of her that was axed to death (?). no idea if that's a good shout or not but it's what i first thought!

anyways! now we move onto her spectre design!

first of all, her spectre design eats. like just a personal side note, i love it. it's just so gorgeous and i don't care if she's terrifying to some because to ME? to me, she's my gorgeous little pookie who can scream and show people their worst fears and she looks amazing whilst she does it <3

ok anyways, actual design.

to first understand her design, i thought i'd show you what banshee's traditionally in folklore look like!

typically, they are described in two ways. the first way is a youthful women with long black hair, blue eyes and just super pale. this description could also lose the blue eyes and just keep the black hair– either way the first depiction of a banshee is a super young woman.

this is not the one we're focussing on today folks!

we're going to focus on the second depiction. a hag/ old woman, with red cheeks, a grey cloak and a green dress, often seen to be combing her hair. banshee's throughout folklore are known to wail, scream and cry when a family member had died. to most, the banshee was a sign that death was coming to your household and they are known in myths and folklore as a predictor of death.

now, hold onto the green dress and look at ada's design real quick for me.

here we see a lot of green, which yay! definitely shows signs it comes from the second depiction. i think, on top of it being a nod to the second depiction, i think it could also be an allusion to something else: jealousy.

green symbolism in media can often vary, from meaning new life, luck and also jealousy. and i think if we take in the things ada screams whilst in her spectre form, such as this from episode 82:

you see there definitely is some sort of jealousy there, but this isn't something i necessarily want to focus on, it's just an observation i made that may or may not be true!

anyways, to continue, i want to look at ada's outfit when she's a banshee. i'm going to basically be making my notes i took last night look nicer.

(keep in mind that when i wrote these, my ideas were literally bouncing off my brain and sometimes they're a bit contradictory, but i think that's the beauty of my crack theory analysis!)

i think the act of almost showing her bones to the outside, there's a level of rawness to ada we don't usually see. her spectre form essentially gives her the power to scream out her anger, and by seeing her bones it's almost as if to say this is the ada she doesn't show people. this is the ada that she keeps to herself because god forbid anybody love her (because in life and death it's become abundantly apparent to her that nobody does seem to love that ada).

but then, what i thought was also a super cool thing as how the bones almost act like a corset!

then i got sad because i looked at the bows, and because something dawned on me and it made me start to frown. there was a sad realization to me as i looked at ada's spectre design that even in this all powerful form, she hasn't lost her insecurities, they just become more prevellant. because for all of the traditional wrinkles, hag-like appearance a banshee is meant to have, ada barely has any.

obviously this could be in part to character design and stuff, and yeah probably– but let me be sad!

because ada carries her frills and bows from life here because she doesn't want to be ugly, she doesn't want to be this creeping monster who rips apart people. because if she's not got her intelligence or status or anything going for her, she has her appearance and by god she's not going to let that go to waste. so here her spectre form is, a banshee.

so what must ada do? she must takes her frills and keep her insecurities, her fears and her crippling need to be loved.

another aspect which is super interesting is the stitching on her body. one one hand, it could be an allusion to her violent death, suggesting the man she fell in love with didn't just stop at axing her once, but just kept on fucking going (which, you know: fuck you, whoever you are).

but on the other hand, it could be a metaphor for ada's thinly veiled facade she puts on of being a prim and proper lady (which we actually, interestingly enough, see she looses a lot the more time she spends with montresor– opting to take parts of his language like "ain't" and "beggin'". this sort of leads on from previous ideas people have made of ada willing to change herself to be loved. she swaps civility for the wild wild west all for a bit of love).

ada offers up parts of herself in this metaphor. that's what she always does. she offers herself to the rich man she fell in love with, she offers herself up to prospero (again, look at the. side note. bro wasn't wrong for rejecting her he literally can't like her) and she offers herself up to the acolytes and she fucking barks for them (because i'm not over that).

piece by piece, she strips away everything she is until she literally is just skin and bone. and once she's torn herself apart, she needs to stitch herself back together– because it's against the facade she's put on to look so broken and messy. and so she repeats the cycle again, giving more and more until she is literally hanging on by a thread.

her powers are also super cool. traditionally, as i said, banshees wail when a family member is soon to die/has died, and is often like an omen/predictor of death. so yeah, ada having a banshee scream makes sense. but the whole 'fear itself' is also super cool. i kind of like that she has this– because its sort of satisfying for her, the girl who's been pushed over but still comes running back, to watch as people become paralysed with fear. idk, retribution or whatever.

i'm going to leave you with this not very profound thing i wrote last night (and then just some other mumblings):

i think that although spectres are super powerful and also just a very fantastic concept, they're also fragile. spectres are quite literally the monster inside of you. yet here ada's monster is, and with all her bows and revamped dress of a banshee (or potentially an allusion to her life as a maid) she tries desperately to be anything but that. because to here it's ugly and it's too much of her on display. and with some much of you on display comes the very fear that if you are hated, disliked or something repulsive, you no longer have anything to blame on anybody else. you just have yourself to blame.

(as morella says here in episode 88).

i'm not saying ada isn't deeply flawed, because she is. she has so much fucking baggage and insecurities that they literally forbid her from doing the right thing sometimes. i don't think she's a good person, but i also think that she has the opportunity to be a good person/ do a semi-good/ non-bad thing, and all she has to do is take it. but i also think it's nice how that's shown in her spectre design.

and, you know, if none of this makes sense, that's also fine!

anyways, yeah. somebody tell me never to make a random analysis at night again because it's a bit of a bitch to translate in the morning.

[villanevehaus]

tme anon here with my thoughts on Raw. This is going to be way too many notes despite the fact I've actually cut this down to about 1/3 what I wrote originally. I am so sorry, but...

I fucking loved this movie! I watched it twice back-to-back because reasons. Here are toooo many notes:

walking on the side of the road with an overcast sky is giving me donnie darko vib—the fuck! okay, it’s that kind of movie. good dive though, i give her 8/10 for form.

wait, what. oooh they’re speaking french. my silly ass forgot this is a french film. brb guys.

SUBTITLES—there we go, much better

this is not what it was like when i went to college. i mean, a kid did die from hazing, but still

is this…what having a sibling is like? 

oooh specimen lab. sidebar: i have always wanted to see the Mütter Museum 

Carrie’d.

Don’t scratch. Don’t scraaaatch. BUDDY IMPULSE CONTROL STOP IT.

HORSE! This shot is the tits. The sound, the music, the running. 

Hahaha, I hope you wear the dress over the sweatshirt just like that, babygirl, you look ah-mazing.

Vegetarian options be like mashed potatoes and steamed carrot coins. 

WHY DID YOU GRAB IT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS THOUGH, THERE WERE TONGS.

WHY ARE YOU BITING INTO THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF YOUR FUCKING SHAWARMA?

Oh my god, this is like the clown handkerchief trick but for trichophagia. 

i’m an only child, i really, really, really do not understand this peeing sister scene. 

SISTERS CANNOT POSSIBLY DO THIS. (waxing)

Wow, those are sharp scissors. 

How drunk are you that you’re letting the dog lick your sister’s finger stub. Like, sure, eat her finger, but stop the bleeding and keep the dog away. You two are in vet school, you know about surgery and infections and shit. What is this.

She is eating the finger like how Tom Hanks eats the baby corn in Big. HAHAHAHA

I am that old guy with dentures! I laughed so fucking hard at this, I would be exactly this man in the film. 

I have yet to watch Cronenberg’s Crash (1996), but this is just screaming Crash at me right now.

I know this isn’t the focus of this soccer scene, but it cracks me up when men rub their faces together to express aggression. 

This is some very Tina Belcher-quality dancing in front of this mirror.  

Trainspotting vibes. Pretty soon the baby from Yellowjackets is gonna crawl across her ceiling. That’s how this works, right?

Is your sister hitting you with a sock full of coins? Of all the things in this movie, the sound and screaming here is the one making me flinch. 

She blue herself. 

THERE IS A whole ass chunk missing outta his lip. That is beautiful. 

I can see a lot of this in TME, I feel like I’ve been let in on a bunch of little inside jokes, love it.

Hahaha, having sex with her is like trying to catch a fucking snake before it strikes. 

Oooooh, man. That bite, though. Oooof.

The shot at the party that tracks through the kissing couple up to her deliriously horny face sitting against the wall? Amazing. 

How much cadaver did you eat, bro?

BoyfIghts: Sisters edition. (how many AD jokes can I maaaake)

You should probably have locked that door.

(3 minutes later) Yep, shoulda locked it.

I love that you can see blood on the sheets right by her head before she figures it out.

Chekhov’s ski pole. 

Reflection mirroring with the mother YASSSSS

Love wins.

<3<3<3

GOES CRAZY INSANE BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

the horse shot!!! yes!!!

I KNOW SHE JUST PUTS THAT GREASY ASS BURGER IN HER POCKET LIKE GIRL THERE ARE TONGS RIGHT THERE

i am also an only child and was like??? is this normal?? and my femme who has sisters says it is NOT!!! i need to convince people who have siblings to watch it

i also have yet to see crash 1996 i saw an edit of it to a NIN song and was like uh oh i can feel a crash 1996 and titane double feature approaching

i love the AD references i love AD

chekov's ski pole

the end the end the end the end WAWAWA

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT it changes my brain chemistry im sure of it

[evanthefunky]

Thinking about the news cycle and someone else said it but. The problem with living in an era with live television and social media updated every millisecond is that we, in one corner of the earth, are instantly (or nearly so) aware of trouble or joy happening in another corner. And then we move on.

We here in the US know about Ukraine and their fight, we know about Iran women and their fight. Those are really the only two I've seen, though, recently.

They are historic events, but because the whole world can be aware of them and praying and hoping for one outcome or another, it doesn't really feel like it. Newscasters or reporters say "these are historic times" and I say "its just thursday." That doesn't mean I'm less impacted or affected by these events- my heart hurts for them. But my heart can only hurt so much before even the most empathetic and sympathic people care too much and forget how much we're "supposed" to feel.

Before the intant-news of today, or i suppose the past 200~ years, (back to 1822, approx. When did they make the telegram? I suppose, though, this limits me in what I believe to be instantaneous. But I digress.) knowing what is going on in someone else's corner means we're all focused on it for some time, and then move on.

Or maybe, is that something only new?

When did we stop focusing on something horrible or amazing until it was done? When did we decide to shorten our attentions? When did we decide the right amount of time before we generally move on?

Is it something that came around during my generation, Gen Z?

I ask all this, really, because I see Ukraine signs or flags or the cool trident-like symbol as bumper stickers or signs in people's yards, declaring to their neighbors, "I stand with Ukraine!"

...ok, doesn't everyone?

This is different with the women (and other people, but women seem to have the spotlight because news channels want to focus on the right to or not to wear a hijab, when I have heard its more like everyone wants that government/regime? To be replaced ad gone?) in Iran. I see less support for them in ways of signs in yards or bumper stickers on cars. Do we support our sisters and family less? Why? Because its a country in the Middle East? Because they're Muslim? Because they're brown, and not European white? Because Russia has always been the big bad, so its easy to face against them, cheering on Ukraine (with just that? Cheers?), but Iran is more messy because... well... you're afraid? To support people wanting huge change?

On the one hand, I'm glad the US military (as far as I'm aware, and I'm not very, admittedly) is keeping their fingers out of Iran to help the people. On the other, I wish there was more sympathy for people rising up. Isn't that our (USA) thing? We couldn't help but keep our noses in the Middle East when it was relevant toooo.... *checks notes* suppressing terrorism (oh what was deemed as such) and keeping American Gas Prices Low (*stands all high-and-mighty such*), but when it comes to what seems to be, I guess, a civil, or peoples' right, we're not so keen.

My original point of this post was to point out how in ye olden days (that weren't really that long ago- 200~ years ago?), my history books point out things that happened in one place, and then another, and help me realize these two major events overlapped. Like a Chinese Dynasty falling and a middle-america indigenous nation rising, or something. And how the future history books will put, say, 9-11-2001 just a few pages before 2020 Pandemic, and then, oh, also This, This, and This happened. In two years.

Are we just going to get more close together in "historic" events? What's going to be big enough and affect (effect???) enough to be worth putting on the history book's page, because, well gee, the 2024 Irish Rebellion (Successful! Edition) is coming up and we can't exactly dedicate a history book to single 30 year period! But what if that much stuff happens? How do we know what is going to really make an impact in the long run?

I'm tired of "historic" events. I get that when I was younger, historic stuff was happening (maybe) and I just wasn't aware because I was 10, but this seems a little outrageous. Is it just because the world is more interconnected? Has it always been like this? Why are we getting more events like this? Is it just the season/part of the cycle? What cycle????

I'm tired.