#I WAS ABOUT TO DIE
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just fought for my life on the toilet. thought i was gonna stay there forever
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he's letting me borrow his book im going to marry him
#we were talking about macbeth in english class#and he said that in one of his favourite books the main characters are actors#and at some point they perform that play#i asked what book it was and he said 'if we were villains'#so i told him that i've been meaning to read that for a while#and THIS BOY said 'you can borrow mine if you want'#I WAS ABOUT TO DIE#he's so jealous of his books and he always tells me he never lets other people borrow them#and he just?? offered to lend it to me???#this is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for me i like him so much#his ANNOTATED book. is this what love feels like#WHY UNIVERSE did you have to make me fall for a boy i could never date#(i suppose. i don't think he likes me that way)#txt#my thoughts
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when u go to write a mentally ill person in ur story you are presented two options. the first option is to write your mental illness realistically as you actually experience it with all the ups and downs and people who are like you will resonate with it and feel seen. except every person who reads instagram infographics on mental health that uses the phrase narcicisst for anyone who does anything that crosses them and unironically call themself a dark empath will call you scary and tell you that youre demonizing mentally ill people
the second option is to lie and write inspiration porn for those people to get hard to
#just kidding the third option is i drive myself insane#trying to find a way to write someone like me in a way i may be respected as a human being#without shaving away the more frightening aspects of my experience or life#challenge level . impossible. i will die. or they will make youtube 3 hour long rant videos about it someday#scratchpost#txt
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maybe never forgive. but things are different now. so we'll use maybe.
#my version of a happy ending au#mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing anya#anya#curly#my art#considering this game takes place in a hellscape#i imagine one of the other horrifying angles for anya was that she might not even have the rights to abort the wound#so i like to think. curly. thinking he's going to die anyway. just takes all of the medical bills from his crew#because if he lives then he'll spend his life paying it all off#and if he dies. then he takes the burden with him#but him and anya are horrible horrible parallels now. and they cant NOT care about each other#he'll turn himself into the horse. he'll be the beast of burden. anything he said. anything#and for once he actually means it.
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There are truly very few forces in the world as strong as the inertia of staying up way too late doing fuckall
#it’s like that saying about drinking poison and expecting the other person to die#in the morning I will be exhausted and work will still be there#cruelty#alas#One more round of solitaire#personal
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letting my wife kill me during sex does not make me a bottom or a sub. it simply means i love my wife
venmo me $5 @grubcore for reblogs to be turned back on *for one day* if ur fr 😐
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HELP HELP HELP.
Ah wait the light returned…
Shit that was scary, I thought I lost my thesis progress
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“Bamboo is antifungal”
Because it’s rayon
“Eucalyptus fabric is cooling!”
Yeah, because it’s rayon
“We make clothing called seacell out of seaweed!”
Yeah I looked on your website it’s made by the lyocell process, which means-
-wait for it-
It’s fucking rayon!!
Listen. There is a list of actual plant fibers that are directly made into fabric: cotton, linen, ramie, some hemp. I’m sure I’m missing a couple.
But if you’re wondering “huh how did they turn that plant material into fabric,” 99% of the time? It’s RAYON.
All rayon is made by putting plant material in chemical soup, dissolving out everything but the cellulose, and turning the cellulose into filaments/fibers.
The source of the cellulose has zero effect on the eventual fabric.
Rayon made from bamboo or eucalyptus or seaweed is not any better than rayon from any other sources.
Don’t let companies mislead you!
#rayon#I’ve ranted about this before#I will die on this hill#it makes me so mad that the labeling laws have gotten lax on this#my posts#anyway got into an argument w someone on fb about it lol
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lore accurate double black battle scene
#count your fucking blessings dazai#me when me when me when i#me when i.........#listen i'm normally very respectful (lies) BUT THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT NAKAHARA CHUUYA#not the biggest fan of men but they popped off with him#bitches will be like “ride or die?” how about i ride until i die#ANYWAY-#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#soukoku#skk#lotus draws
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i know ryoko kui is a real one because she wrote 97+ chapters of a manga about fantasy ecosystems and food chains and not once did she write the phrase "survival of the fittest" (it's a bad phrase) (it's a social darwinist phrase even) (hated amongst biologists) (doesn't make sense) (darwin didn't use it) (coined by an business major) (one of the worst phrases in pop science) (no good)
#i think the closest she comes to this is when kabru says something about the weak being eaten but he also thinks all monsters should die#so i don't think he's like the voice of reason when it comes to ecosystems and evo bio NOT a kabru diss just saying#i think eat or be eaten is fine. it's like migrate adapt or die. i think it's fine and not the same as survival of the fittest#dungeon meshi#ETA: i was wrong darwin did use the phrase after it was coined. doesn't matter phrase still sux
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my main advice for writing an enemies to lovers relationship is to resist the urge to make the characters' loathing and attraction mutually exclusive opposing forces. it's okay if they're getting weirdly into it and having Thoughts whilst also sincerely wanting to kill each other with hammers.
#🐉#read some really good [redacted to avoid maintags] fics lately where theyre like#'yeah i used to pray for you to die badly and in pain. but i also wanted to have nasty fight sex with you in the meantime.'#thats what its all about <3
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happy pride instead of throwing money in the garbage buying crappy pride shit from target or pining away for mainstream franchises that only give you table scraps when it's convenient please consider directly supporting literally any of the queer indie shit being made accessible online by queer indie creators ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ your money OR your fanwork OR whatever form of support you feel compelled to offer will be so so much more impactful; marvel movies will keep coming out no matter what, but making cool fanart for that queer webcomic you've been checking in on for years could reach new readers to help the artist make rent so they can keep posting! It all helps!! Please Consider It.
#webcomics i am talking about webcomics it is the queerest form of media and i'll die on this hill#all these accessible queer stories can only exist if the creators can afford to work on them
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push my heel into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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falling back in love with a ship is so fun because it’s like oh that’s why i was deranged about those two. ok then.
#swan queen#the fixation is fixating#i’m being so normal about this#i need to lay down and die#regina mills#emma swan#ouat#text
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Prompt:
Brucie Wayne gets into a mild accident in public (read-got hit by a car). And Batman would just walk it off (“it’s barely a bruise”), but Brucie obviously… can’t.
So he has to suffer the ordeal of having civilians call paramedics, getting fussed over, and having-
Having his dead son get into the back of the ambulance with him.
Oh- oh no. He must have hit his head worse than he thought. He thought he was past this…
#((Jason is the one who hit him with the car))#(((but it truly was an accident)))#((((and now his elaborate revenge plans got derailed because OMG I HIT MY DAD WITH A CAR))))#Brucie gets to blubber and cry about his son in a way Batman isn’t allowed to#meanwhile Jason: omg pls shut up PLS I’m BEGGING you just die already#Bruce: anything for you 🥹#Jason: …. hold on no I didn’t mean that B do NOT fall asleep on me right now#some more fake hallucinations#but nobody thinks it’s a hallucination except Bruce#also: Wayne Son Back From The Dead!? more on page two!#((Jason takes his revenge by trying to boot Tim from the family and realizing he’s not even part of it which—))#((is anybody taking care of that raccoon? well Jason is now))))#prompts#crack au#fanfiction#inspiration#jason todd#batfamily#dick grayson#bruce wayne#batfam#robin#tim drake#red hood#Batdad#Brucie wayne
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if jon wore glasses (he absolutely did) what if, during the wax museum explosion, the lenses shattered and blinded him
doctors said he would never see again (doctors said he was dead tbh wtf) and everyone martin was super worried
and then he woke up, opened his eyes and looked right at basira and georgie, with green eyes that he did not have
basically this is just like the brown to green eyes thing except his brown eyes were destroyed with the rest of them and his green eyes were the least human part of him
#i love him#also just in general if you were facing an explosion wearing glasses they would blind you#you would also die so it's probably not the priority#but i was just thinking about that#and then came up with this!!#the magnus archives#tma#tma spoilers#jon sims#jonathan sims
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