#I WANTED THEM TO HAVE A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP

[badwolfrose34]

My analysis of River Song (not River friendly)

This essay has been brewing in my mind for awhile. If you don’t want to see anti River content, please keep scrolling. I understand that since Doctor Who is a work of fiction, fans have the right to differing interpretations and to invoking literary license. However, I do want fans who are like me and icked out by River to feel validated. What follows is a pretty unreserved criticism of the character and her relationship with the Doctor.

First, I’m going to break down River from a psychological perspective. Note that I am not a licensed psychologist, but I did graduate with a degree in general psychology. I’m also going to explain some of the many instances that she proves herself to be an incredibly toxic person.

River Song was raised to be a psychopath. That’s an indisputable fact mentioned clearly in the show. Psychopathy is known in the psychology world as Anti Social Personality Disorder (ASPD). ASPD can be managed, but it has no cure. Could it be argued that River sees an off screen therapist? Sure. However, ask yourself if you can see River Song going to therapy?

Not only that, but River has no ordinary case of ASPD. She wasn’t just raised in an abusive or unsafe household, she was cut off from society during her critical formational years. Most cases of ASPD involve people who grew up in challenging households, but they did have interaction with society at large. I don’t know of any case studies surrounding people with ASPD who were cut off from society in their formational years, but doing some research on “feral children” will allow you to read examples of what happens to children raised away from society.

The case I know the most about is that of Oxana Malaya. You can google her for more. She was quite literally raised by dogs. And she required intense inpatient treatment to unlearn her dog like mannerisms. Even then, she always had a level of intellectual impairment.

Because River was specifically raised to have ASPD, she learned language abilities and was socialized on how to BEHAVE like a person capable of love and empathy and friendship, but she never was capable of these things. She was raised to put on an act to be able to get to the doctor and kill him. She was never capable of anything more.

Even if River saw an off screen therapist, she was never institutionalized, as would’ve been required for her to truly function as a healthy person in any possible way. She couldn’t have just shrugged off her programming. Why did she save the Doctor and give up her regenerations? It couldn’t have been guilt or remorse, but she could’ve developed co morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a common disorder to co occur with ASPD. The narcissism would’ve created within her a need for supply. Supply meaning, a boost to the narcissists ego. Narcissists are not capable of genuine empathy and love, but they are capable of seeking supply in the form of impacting other people’s emotions. And what better source of supply for one’s ego than the last known member of one of the most powerful races known to the universe?

When River decided to undo her murder and save the Doctor, it starts off with a completely nonconsensual kiss. This is a pretty fitting start to a relationship that progresses into a forced marriage.

River then continues to force unwanted innuendos on the Doctor. Probably implying they were intimate just to make the Doctor feel obligated to be intimate with her eventually. This is despite Matt Smith confirming in an interview that his Doctor is asexual. He could be demi or grey sexual, I’ll admit that possibility, but River insists on forcing her hyper sexuality on him at any and all stages in his timeline knowing they wouldn’t be welcome. I should note that hyper sexuality can be a symptom of ASPD. It’s not cute or fun. If River was simply a sexually liberated character, she would not be forcing her innuendos on someone who does not want them. Especially not in the earlier parts of his timeline.

River flounces around feeling and acting entitled to the Doctor’s attention if and when she wants it. When she wants it, he’s expected to come running. Then she disappears when she wants to. Creating a masterfully manipulative cycle of hot and cold emotional abuse. When he loses Amy and Rory, she refuses to travel with him. Leaving him emotionally vulnerable and at her beck and call when and if she feels like using him.

Audio dramas are too numerous to declare as universal canon. I think most fans pick and choose which parts of the extended universe count as canon to them. But in the Dalek Universe series, River appears for one episode where she physically abuses the Doctor. She hits him so hard that he is crying out in pain. And then she gaslights him by telling him it was just a little tap. Now, it’s perfectly valid not to count this moment as canon. But it’s extremely consistent with River’s character and I am personally going to use it against her. Especially since I did see another post somewhere bring up the fact that she did the same thing to the fifth Doctor in another audio.

Finally, the worst part of River’s abuse is the forced marriage. The first time the Doctor meets her, she convinces him that he eventually marries her. But he clearly can’t stand her. He doesn’t want anything to do with her. But now he feels as though he’s obligated to marry her. At first he hopes it’s something that can be changed. Saying that time can be rewritten when Amy asks if he marries River. Right up until the forced wedding he tells River he doesn’t want to marry her. But because she convinced him he does marry her in the library, and because nothing else is convincing River to save the universe, he gives in and gives her what she wants. Assuming it’s the only way to keep the universe from falling apart.

Now, I do understand that anyone who loved the Doctor would not want to bring back a timeline where he died. But River was already willing to start considering it just because he agreed to marry her. Because she got what she wanted and because she got the satisfaction of seeing her manipulations succeed. The Doctor couldn’t even get close enough to her to tell her his plan at first, but she was willing to let him come close to her just because he married her. River valued marriage to the Doctor more than the Doctor’s life.

I know it’s commonly believed among River fans that he only kept his distance because he saw her die. But Remember he couldn’t stand her long before that. He never liked her until he thought he was supposed to. No doubt seeing her die cemented his desire to keep a distance from her. But the point is he did keep a distance from her. He never got close to her and he never wanted to. But River always refused to respect this. She saved him so he could belong to her. So he could be her property.

No doubt the Doctor did develop a level of care and responsibility for her. Because he was a person capable of empathy and remorse. And any target of this kind of emotional abuse will develop some sort of attachment. But he was never in love with her. River herself knew this, but she had to convince herself he never loved anyone. But he did. We know for a fact he was in love with Rose. We know he loved friends like Donna platonically. But he didn’t love River. Nor should he have.

[butch-king-frankenstein]

What didn't you like about poly life?

where to start

I did my best to make this list out of things that I genuinely believe are trends within the community and not just annoying traits of specific people I dated, but maybe I'm wrong. anyway here are the things I did not like about trying to be poly

the way that so many poly people talk a big game about "not believing in hierarchical relationship practices" while also clearly having a mental list of their romantic/sexual relationships from most to least important

relatedly: the way some people claim to believe in "relationship anarchy" while having a partner who would clearly just be their husband/wife/singular-monog-partner if they were willing to close off the potential of sex with their friends

the devaluation of any friendship that doesn't become sexual

the tendency of poly people to overextend themselves by picking up too many partners, leading to them allowing their lower-priority relationships to collapse in a way that inevitably hurts everyone involved

the way that poly people are expected to only feel positively about their partners acquiring other partners/new hookups/etc., even when those new relationships demonstrably lessen the amount of effort their partners put into their relationships with them

the way that no one actually wants to deal with their partners' feelings of jealousy in any kind of healthy way, and instead wants to just go "it's natural to be jealous sometimes :)" and then have the conversation stop

how the idea that "no one person should be responsible for all your needs" gets weaponized as an excuse for emotionally neglecting one's partners

similarly, how the concept of "personal autonomy" gets weaponized against anyone who actually wants their partner to do something for them

the potential for selfish individualism it holds! and the way people act like it's inherently some kind of community-building principle, when it can just as easily be about assembling a group of people who will fulfill your needs while refusing to give back to them

more broadly, I suppose, how polyamory is treated as this inherently radical thing, when it's actually just another way that you can structure a relationship, and talking about it like it's some kind of great leap forward is reductive and shortsighted and very very silly

[into-the-milgramverse]

Aight, so, while I'm trying to calm down from certain event

I'm gonna try to write on Muu, specifically relation to what happened regarding Haruka, cause I see left and right people who either jump on to see her as this completely evil irredeemable being or as a totally a good friend who did everything in her power but she just didn't know!!! 🥺🥺 And I feel like both of those takes are... not quite right? Uh, because it's gonna be a long and potentially nonsensical ramble cause I'm not doing well rn, I'll put it all under read more. tw for mentions of Haruka's attempt

Ok, so, first of. Starting of with the "Oh, but she tried to help him!! She brought him food! There's just no way she could have known!!!!"

Yeah, nah, I call that bullshit. If you have functional eyes, capable of sight, you can see a person who starves themselves get thinner. That alone should have told her that he's not eating properly as she supposedly tried to get him to (by... saying it once.) Even if someone who's fat started to starve themselves, which would be less obvious when looking at the body (in fact, you can bet some people would praise them for being ""healthy"" regarding that), the negative impact on health would still show in the face: the cheeks would get sunken in, the, skin would get dry and lips chapped. And, since Haruka is not fat, but tall and lanky as it is, these changes would be especially noticeable on him, along with noticeable body changes. You're telling me that someone like Muu, who's focused on her external beauty (reminder, she wants to be a model) and who literally has Haruka keep his eyes on her, would somehow miss all those signs? Not to mention, she also has a sense of smell, doesn't she? She would have noticed the smell of rotting food that Haruka would hide.

So, she knew very well, and, even if you try to defend her how she somehow didn't think he'd actually kill himself, no, that was very obvious sign that he was actually gonna kill himself. And yet, she didn't do anything. At very least she could have told someone, to ask for help, if she herself struggled with how to help him. But it's clear she did not want to help him.

However, here's a bit more that should be thought about. Muu sees friendships as transactional. She thought Haruka how to write, something he struggled with before, helped him with his style, since he literally arrived in pyjamas, and taught him how to at very least act confident until he internalizes the confidence.

In return, Haruka would provide protection. He'll make sure she stays Innocent so that the harm doesn't come her way like it possibly could happen if she gets voted Guilty. He is also a source of attention for Muu. It's been made clear over and over again that attention and praise is something she looks for and needs. Most prisoners get annoyed with that (Yuno and Fuuta come to mind).

But who doesn't get annoyed? Who else is so starved for attention due to years of being neglected, that simply spending time with them will paint her as an angel directly sent from heavens? Haruka. All she needs to do is to give him a drop of attention to be showered in attention back.

This need for attention and need for protection is not inherently a bad thing. Rich families usually don't do any caring for their children, they have money so they just hire a nanny to take care of them, resulting in lack of attention that's necessary while growing up. On top of that, as I've talked about in my previous Muu post, her school environment was such where she had to stay at the top (at what point she'd be praised), only to be dragged down if she made even the smallest slip-up, and then she'd have to act pitiful to gain attention and climb up to the top. This is all a survival tactic to avoid being bullied, to avoid being hurt. It also leads to a feedback loop of attention and praise = safety. The assumption that Haruka's attempt would sway the audience into voting her Innocent was just added means of securing her safety. And of course she'd support that then. There's no way she could have known that the audience would hit her and Haruka with a Guilty, but after that happened, why would she suddenly stop supporting Haruka?

And speaking of that

Why would Haruka even consider stopping? He was not only encouraged by Muu, for who's sake he was starving himself for, and by Kotoko, who laughed at him and found it amusing, but he also got encouragement from the audience. Not only did Muu got voted Guilty, after he threatened he'll kill himself if she gets voted Guilty, but he himself got voted Guilty too. Reminder that he, like Yuno, could hear the voices while Innocent. He heard voices that praised him, that said they love him. What do you think he heard afterwards? That they don't believe he'd actually do it, or that he'll be restrained if he gets voted Guilty so there's no need to worry. Though he likely didn't get restrained immediately (after all, Muu too would have been restrained, and her arms would be unusable, yet Shidou saw her, and trusted her that she'd bring food. If she had her arms bound at the time, she wouldn't be able to bring food at all), it's a possibility that he definitely thought about, which led to him picking the one method he could do regardless if he gets restrained or not.

By the time Fuuta finally discovered him, it was pretty much already too late. Haruka has gone far enough, and still stuck to his choice. And besides, only one person vs 2 people, one of which is the very person he cares about the most, along with the entirety of both Muu Guilty voters and his own Guilty voters, will not convince him to stop.

TL;DR:

She's literally Just a Girl that has a need for attention, and who's life experiences have shaped her to believe everything in this life is transactional and that other people's lives don't matter if it secures her own safety.

Final thought to end it on: Her actions are horrible and you cannot defend those. She knew and could see very well what was happening. Regardless, I also don't think she herself is inherently a bad person.

Personally, I'd vote her Innocent.

[shelfperson]

this too is yuri

[venice-1987]

As much as I would enjoy a kiss at their reunion, I do think the dragon prince crew would do something softer when (not if <-clown emoji) Sorvus is made canon. I'm picturing Corvus and Ezran and Callum arriving at the castle like in the promo image, them checking up with Opeli and she reveals everything is fine.

But Corvus asks about Soren. "Where is he?" he asks, his mind already wandering to the possibility that Soren...hadn't made it out. He will himself to remain strong for his king, but his body fills with dread. Thankfully, Opeli points him to the river.

There, Soren sits on the banks. Corvus sits beside him, noticing the same pained look in his eyes that he had seen on the ramparts the day Soren asked him to become a crownguard. Now, that same pain encompassed how he sat, how he stared mournfully into the waters.

Corvus asks is he is alright, and Soren can't even answer, holding back what emotion he can to maintain his cheerful attitude. He is failing miserably. Something more terrible than the Storm Spire must have happened. Something worse than Katolis burning down.

Corvus lays his hand over Soren's on the rock. Soren looks from it to Corvus, then shifts so that he can hold Corvus's hand back.

Like Janai and Amaya, its a confirmation.

and, of course, at the end of arc 2 or start of arc 3 (affirm affrim, manifest manifest, like to charge reblog to cast) then we get a kiss, teehee

[starlightwayfinder]

aros when the story explores the role of relationships and their effect on sense of self and fulfillment, the acceptance of impermanence and change, the perceived emptiness and isolation that comes from having a different emotional experience than the people around you, the struggle to balance independence with connection to others, wanting to be loved but not at the expense of being ‘imprisoned’ or tied down, choosing to be true to yourself at the expense of meeting others’ expectations—

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[biblicalhorror]

Honestly iiiiiiii kinda hate how they resolved the whitney/canaan/kimberly drama. I get where whitney was coming from (specifically re: kimberly lying to her) but she's had a whole summer to cool off and she's spent it apparently lying to everyone around her about not missing kimberly. And I've posted before about this, but I really don't think it was fair to expect kimberly to want to bring it up literally 1 day later in front of all their friends before she even knew what her and canaan were going to be. I wish the writers handled her side of this with a little more empathy and grace because yes, what she did was selfish and impulsive, but canaan and whitney had been broken up for awhile by that point, which in my mind means that the only thing kimberly really did wrong in this situation was lying to whitney about it, and again, I think she would have told the truth if the confrontation had been in private. It kind of seems like whitney threw a temper tantrum and decided to ice her friend out of her life instead of talking about her feelings or allowing any kind of dialogue, and then she only forgave her when she broke things off with canaan and essentially groveled at her feet taking full responsibility for the whole thing. Literally all she did was kiss a boy and then not want to talk about it immediately afterwards.

[sometimeswritingsometimesdying]

i’m cooking up a despicable, horrid, crushing (emotionally) friends with benefits haiden au. it might, however, end up crushing me first

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Mmmmmm thinking about Nine the fox walking around with his two bodyguards (Alpha Grim Sonic and Chaos Sonic) again

The fox and his most devoted halberds who are also possessive bitches

No but like but like I need you to understand

Chaos Sonic who was originally revived to take Sonic's place, to fill the hole in a frienship Nine came to believe as fake, and yet clearly held onto so dearly. Chaos Sonic, who was supposed to be the same as before, except made to be Nine's devoted best friend who would never betray him.

Alpha Grim Sonic who Nine reportedly modeled after the hedgehog he (foolishly) thought of as a friend. A robot copy of Sonic who would not talk back, who would not think, who was only made to serve and protect Nine.

Chaos Sonic, whose time spent with Nine turned programmed allegiance and care into some form of love (obsession and possessiveness)

Alpha Grim Sonic, who was not supposed to think and feel. And yet, with time spent serving Nine and opposing Shadow, he begins to feel and to think (a budding soul forming within his metal frame and existing beyond his programming). A robot created to protect and serve, whose feelings for his creator and master begin to grow over time.

When did his internal drive shift from playing the role of Nine's best friend? When did he begin to resent Sonic for what he did to Nine? When did he begin to want to see Nine happy and safe and accomplished (rather than just simply alive and able to complete his goals)? When did he begin to crave Nine's attention and to make him stop thinking about Sonic?

Wasn't he programmed to be no more than an unfeeling robot, a set of algorithms designed to allow him to fight, protect, serve, and strategize only as needed? Why does he want to hurt Shadow so much (is it really just out of the drive to protect Nine, or is it to make the hedgehog pay?)? He'd follow Nine's orders to the ends of the earth, but why does he worry about Nine when they’re separated? Why has he started to covet Nine's smiles and bouts of happiness? Why does he feel annoyance when Nine converses with Chaos Sonic like he's also not there? Why is he starting to understand why Chaos Sonic resents Sonic, beyond the fact that Chaos Sonic has always fancied replacing him? Alpha Grim Sonic has never wanted to replace the real thing, never understood why Chaos Sonic would, but he's starting to understand jealousy (in the way one begins to feel things they cannot put words to).

Chaos Sonic would tell you it's because he and Nine are best friends. Alpha Grim Sonic would tell you that it's because Nine is his master. Yet, deep down, the two have begun to want to be useful and important to Nine. They want to protect him and see his goals through past any loyalty programming. It does not matter whether such an outcome was inevitable or not (based upon their programming or the holes Nine made them fill in his life), only that they believe that they'd choose this even if Nine tried to let them go.

And Nine... Nine who creates distance between himself and the two robots almost instinctively, as if he's trying not to grow attached (ironic, given the roles he placed the two in, the holes in his life he made them fill after he believed that Sonic had backstabbed him). And yet, just as much as he insists that Alpha Grim Sonic is cold and unfeeling and programmed to serve or that Chaos Sonic is just like that (given the personality programmed into him and his similarities to Sonic) and was programmed to follow orders, he finds himself beginning to value the two as more. He should see them as tools, he tries to think of them as tools. And, yet, over time, the two become irreplaceable agents of his will. He can’t allow himself to believe they really care about them, but he wants them to know that he likes having them around, that no other robot can fill the roles he programmed them for, and no real mobian could be as effective as them (even if it's embarrassing to admit). They become...a comforting presence, especially when he's stuck in the Grim post canon, practically alone, closed off from being able to see Sonic again

Do you get me do you get me?

[mossydice]

Nerium my darling, darling Thallain who can totally be trusted, Completely (✿◡‿◡)৹🔪

[dovewingpkmn]

So I found Hop…

He’s okay with me talking about this, by the way. He was trying to take on two Team Yell grunts at once, and I jumped in of course! We dealt with ‘em.. and then we.. talked.

..We have a lot more in common than we realized.

AND NOW WEN’RE EVEN BETER FRIENDS :D

[cats-in-the-clouds]

it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

not sure if I personally agree with Aristotle about friendship tbh

[void-tiger]

Maybe it’s the “avoidant” part of my “fearful avoidance,” but. I really just…don’t care if someone I’m attracted to romantically likes someone else, or doesn’t share those feelings. Like, you do you. We’re not dating or owe eachother anything, and it all boils down to autonomy and compatibility, anyway. (And let’s face it, I don’t believe I’ll ever be compatible with anyone in terms of physical intimacy and I’m not able to compromise that without bruising my own boundaries, so.) But also like. I’d just. Turn attraction “off” if I could reach inside my head and flip a switch. Sadly humans aren’t that simple. Absolutely unfair.

Nah. What does get me into the Fearful instead (and struggling with that FA push-pull of “keep away/please don’t leave”): whether or not someone even wants to be my friend. Especially when I also accidentally developed attraction to them.

[kerorowhump]

my boy best friend having trouble identifying/accepting envy?

actually makes so much sense for him