#I WANT TO KNOW I NEED TO JNOW

[triglycercule]

HORRORTALE BOOK TWO GUYS HORRORTALE BOOK TWO JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS THIS IS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

[myatlantispoets]

Not me sitting here looking for wedding dresses and tiaras and planning out my Artistic Vision when i've only known my bf for like 3 months...

Anyways my vision in the tags

[horrorknife]

i kind of really hate myself you guys. like i kind of think there’s no hope for me

[lilworms]

I need to complain

[ravegore]

i don't know what's okay to open up to with friends and if it's too serious that it should go to a therapist but i don't want to just save everything for the therapist because i know you're supposed to be open with your friends but WHAT!!! WHAT THINGS ARE OKAY!!?!

[jesytr]

the urge to RP as my main character and/or his love interest from the book I've been working on for months now is strong.

[ubelaces]

my family !!! (and other things too!!)

xen (@agendernene) and nat (doesnt have tumblr) - MOMS!!!

@fukaimorii dad YAY YHsssYO KSMDMX. dad is separate from moms

envy (no tumblr sighs) grandpa

@dollrelicz (hauntina), @clumsycute (lamby), @doll-mine (sören) : SIBBIES YAYYYY :333

@dollerie MY WIFE YAYY YASYYAYAYAYYYAYAYAY MY WM XLEOWNDALLAS FK

@shirofrills my DISGUSTING STINKY son I want need to disown (shared blog reference heh i f you jnow youcknow)

@/parfaitfem (I THINK THATS PRNS USERNAME? idk i forgo HELP MWEE) MAI NIECE!!!!!! YAYY!!!!!!!!

@frilliette puppet fox ???????? (shared blog referenc once agai)

@puppetfaced LAMB

@/smilepilled i see them as. I don’t jnow like. a cool older sibling figure or something idk if bug wants 02 be tagged though。。。or if pwu even knkws whp I am ki know we are mooties thoug HELPPP

[keen-li]

Only one | 03

Series Warnings: toxic relationship trauma, trauma in general, mentally broken oc, manipulation, yendere jungkook.

Psychiatrist jungkook x patient reader

Chapter warnings : panic attack, drugging.

. . .

"I wont be here next month"

She raises a brow at you.

"Y/n I hope you aren't trying to hurt yourself" the concerned look in her face has you chuckling.

"No no no, I'd never do that" you laugh awkwardly.

"And this is why I need you to keep this secret"

She nods and nudges for you to speak.

"Mr Jeon is gonna help me get out of this place" you say smiling and excited but she doesn't share your excitement.

"What?" You look brows furrowed her "Are you worried about yourself"

"I'm actually gonna ask if Mr jeon can also hel-" You say excitedly.

"Leave me out of it" She says a little aggressive which takes you back. You squint your eyebrows at her hoping to see what she might be hindung behind those eyes.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I don't think you should do it, you don't know Mr jeon" she lifts her eyes to stare at you.

"He said that he's gonna take me home"

"And what guarantee do you have? Huh" her voice rises. You stay silent not knowing what to say. You jnow it's kind of a stupid thing to do but you believe Mr jeon (even though you have no reason to.)

"You aren't even sure, he told you he'd take you home and you believed? "

"Y/n you need to say no to him" she says now sounding more fearful and worried.

"Why? You don't want me to leave this place."

"I do want you and I to leave here one day but not like this"

"Well I'm gonna do it, I don't wanna stay here any longer " you made your mind up, she doesn't bother to argue just staring at you and rolling her eyes. She knows there's no way she's gonna convince you otherwise.

She knows how convincing Mr Jeon can be, how he can lure you into a trance even the smartest would fall for.

After all she was once a fool too.

But she's gonna try and stop you from doing what you want to do. In her own way of course.

........

"I heard you had a carnival" he turns to face you "Did you have fun?" He smiles

"Yes I did. It was absolutely amazing" you start to describe the event and how you felt about it excitedly.

"I even got this bracelet but I didn't even win" you say showing him the bracelet.

"I wanted a panda but I didn't get one" you pout.

"That's okay" he comforts you.

"Show me your wrist" he commands as he takes your wrist into his hand after you hand it to him. You can feel the electrons from his hand to all over your body. His touch is warm and comfortable; like a dream, a melody.

"Very pretty" he says deeply staring at your hand then he moves to your wavering eyes that were perfectly accompanied by your eyelashes. Your face blessed with the most gorgeous features he's ever seen.

"The bracelet is very pretty" voice soft as your eyes are still connected.

You smile awkwardly and pull your wrist from his grip. You tend to pull away from men and their advances, you don't need a 14th reason or another 13th reason.

"I've been looking at it ever since I got it" your tone very gentle and soft and it lands warmly into jungkook's ears. His lips pull at your delicate voice.

After a moment of silence and a couple of minutes waiting for him to get your session in progress you decide to speak up but he cuts in.

"So have you been a good girl " he leans against the table hands gripping each side of the table.  You're taken back by his straight forwardness and the sudden question.

"I-i. Yes. Yes I have" you stutter and play with your fingers, you can feelyiur throat clog with nerves. He notices your little movements, of course he does he always does. Letting go of the table and putting his hands in his pocket, his feet move step by step until he's directly in front of you. The way he towers over you makes you even more nervous, he knows he's intimidating  and he loves it. He loves watching you quiver under his lowered dark gaze, hands in his pockets to make him look bigger ,badder. He bends his head to look down at you and his sleeked back hair doesn't dare to fall.

"Have you been a good girl" his voice is soft and silky, it's as low as his gaze. You aren't able to look at him because this is one of the things that scare you. Your ex did this a lot, stood over you to make you scared and show you how bad he is. So you're very anxious when jungkook stands over you like this, he doesn't even stumble, his figure as stiff as a pole. He notices your uneasiness and chuckles. You wonder if he knows how he's affecting you by doing this and if he does; does he enjoy it.

And so to get your eyes on him, he really wants your eyes on him. He uses his pointer and middle finger to lift your head and your eyes finally meet his.

There you go sweet, you can do it. Keep the eye contact.

"Have you?" He nudges your chin. You can't find the confidence to speak feeling kinda like how you did when you were with your ex. Does he do this with his other patients? Is it even professional? These are the questions you should be asking yourself but your mind can't seem to ponder any longer on logical thoughts.

So you nod, you just nod. Slowly and surely and those beautiful eyes stare at jungkook deeply.

You look so good from this angle.

He chuckles his thoughts away. Then he moves away from you, showing you his glorious back. You feel like you can finally breath. He takes his seat on his chair and pulls out his note book and scribbles something.

"You're leaving at the end of the week" he spits his voice going back to its professional tone.  "So you better get packing"

You honestly should've been happier, excited even. But you aren't, not fully atleast.

....

"Have you got everything?" The nurse asks you as you zip up your bag.

"Yeah" the weight of the bag over your shoulder pulls you down slightly.

The nurse mumbles an OK and guides you to the front desk. You look back into your room, you wish you could say bye to sicily but you're not sure where she is, so you'd settle with leaving her a note.

You walk slowly and a little gloomy as you spot Mr Jeon by the front desk signing some papers. He looks over to you and says something to the lady behind the desk which makes her laugh. By the way she laughs you know she's trying to be sexy and appeal to Mr jeon but he doesn't pay mind to her advances.  He instead turns to you as you stand by him and gold your bag closer.

"How are you feeling?" He asks in his Mr jeon voice.

"I'm okay" you say not sounding okay at all.

"Just sign here miss and you'll be all done" he lady behind the desk hands you a paper and pen. You take it and as you're ready to sign where she directed you to, you pause when you notice something.

Name of care giver: jeon jungkook

You blink twice and before you sign you look at him with a raised brow.

"Since when are you my caretaker" you wonder why he put his name there when he could've just left it blank, noting you as independent.

"You need someone looking after you so you can leave" he sounds like he couldn't care for your concern.

"You could've called my mom" you say.

"Did you want that?" His sharp tone lands in your ears, his persona faltering a bit as he stares at you darkly hoping you'd just shut up and make this process less tiresome.

You actually wouldn't want your mother to pick you up, you'd rather just stay here then.

You stay quiet as you sign the paper for your freedom.

"Lets go" Mr jeon says turning his back to you, body insinuating that you should follow him. Which you do.

His firm and stone-built figure guides you out of the hell hole you've been in. The sun and air have never felt so good, it feels like a fresh start. You're hopeful  and you've already been thinking about what your gonna do when you finally get to go to your own home and have your little pets running around.  You're so excited.

Your heart feels heavy as Mr jeon has the door of his hyundai open for you to enter.  You don't know why it feels so heavy on your chest to not enter his car, he couldn't do anything to you he's trying to help anyways. Ignoring the ringing bells in your mind you enter his car, your body mentally and physically shudders as he slams the door shut. You just pin it down to the anxiety of finally being back in society and having to regain yourself, even though both you and Mr jeon know you aren't fully well, you should be well enough to survive. Right? You hope.

You aren't going to leave .

You aren't leaving me.

You're not going anywhere, you're staying with me forever.

The ringing and voice in your head start to get louder, your chest falling and raising faster than the sun. You were ignoring it scared that he'd make you go back to the repetitive life of the hospital. You clutch the sides of your head trying to stop it, stop his voice from ringing reminders,  reminders of his ownership over you.

You can't be having an episode right now, you're going to end up back in the hospital. You can't end up back in there, all Mr Jeon's efforts and yours would go in the drain; you might even get him fired. You don't want that, he's trying to help you. All these thoughts fuel your heaving.

"Its okay you're not going to end up back there" you hear Mr jeon voice and for a second you thought you heard the devil's voice but your mind was playing tricks in you. You've been so caught up with yourself and your thoughts that you didn't realize you were speaking out loud and he had already closed his door. His hands on your skin try to calm you.

You push his hands away from you. You didn't like being touched during these moments. Every touch felt like a hot scalding slap, a reminder of your worthlessness to your mind. A reminder that you might never escape this reality of yours, being trapped like a bird in a cage set and bound to die that way.

"Take these" Mr jeon hands you two pills and a bottle of water. You've never seen these pills, with the way you had to take medicine you've mastered every name, colour and design of every pill and recognising every purpose they serve is your talent.

But these, you've never seen these. They're small circular and white (generic), their small size may fool other people of their strength but what you've realized over the past months is that the small, boring looking pills are always the most effective and dangerous. And whatever these little pills are they're no joke.

A little skeptical and nervous you stare at Mr jeon who's gaze feels like the morning sun revealing the stains on your white garment. He nods to you comforting you that it's okay to take them.

"They're a new batch, I think they'll help you calm down" he smiles no joy behind his smile. Why does it feel suffocating to be around him now, you'd never tell him that but he's probably already noticed it with the way your iris shakes when you stare at him.

"They are now part of your prescription" he informs you. One of his conditions was that you'd keep taking medication, you were okay with that. But you're kind of confused why he's adding a new drug, you were responding well to the others. So why the new addition? These are the thoughts you should be pondering but your mind never allows you to.

Relax you they do, a little too well. You can barely feel your muscles, the only feeling you feel being the tingling at the end of your fingers and toes, just to assure you that you're still alive in your human form. You've never been this relaxed, your mind is numb and dull; no thoughts. Only the little pictures of the nature you see appear in your mind. You surely were right those little pills were hazardous,  you hope to remember to ask him what they are later. You doubt you'll remember anything after this.

You watch the scenes pass by, then you hear Mr Jeon's voice speak. Its so distorted that you aren't even sure if he's the one speaking, but your body can barely react or question.

"Feels good doesn't it?" the grin on his face is audible.

Your eyes flicker from dark to light; leaning more to darkness. You can't stop the feeling as you feel darkness slowly consume you. You try and move your hands for him to reach out and help you but his are clenched around the steering.

"Ah-" you let out in a stuttered whisper. You're calling out to no one, no one you know. Or maybe the devil sat next to you, who has his mask so stuck on his face that you can't really tell who he is.

"You're gonna be free with me" he mutters as sincere as his will to help you but using this fucked up way of going about it.

. . .

Taglist: @gojosatoruhere @ane102

Masterlist

[musicmutt]

https://www.tumblr.com/real-minnesota-state/762095287086039040/music-asks-these-are-actually-pretty-fucking-hard?source=share

One, five, nine, eleven, fifteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-three, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, and thirty :)

YAAAYYYYY TYTYTYTYTYTYTY THIS IS GONNA TAKE A MINUTE YAYYYYY TYY

1:A song you like with a color in the title

well its not really a color specifically but brick is a shade of red so it technically counts

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD

warning for abuse and sexual mentions,, i dont know i just realized this song is so good when its loud

9:A song that makes you happy

this song reminds me of my old cat atty, im not sure why but it feels really sweet:]]

15:A song that is a cover by another artist

hhehshajaha...hahahhahs........ her voice.......

17:A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke

you already know chat

19:A song that makes you think about life

THIS IS ARGUABLY ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONGS IVE HEARD IN MY LIFE!!! it makes me so happy and sad at the same time

20:A song that has many meanings to you

at first i thought this song was about running away but i realize its probably about drugs,, both work for me though

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to

this video has a scene of a dog humping a pillow and i dont jnow any other places this song is without the video so sorry about that:( but it feels really important to me ALSO FLASHING LIGHTS

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love

!!!!!!!MY FIRST EVER CRUSH INTRODUCED THIS SONG TO ME it makes me feel interesting things

27:A song that breaks your heart

aughagaugss..... idk why this doesnt embed properly sorry

30:A song that reminds you of yourself

chat

HEHEHSHEHEJKAH(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hmshermitcraft]

Continuing the Scar+Mumbo+Grian train surfer AU!!

(Im so sorry for these being so long, its hust .. hhehsuHJFHFHDHGDEHRHGHEERGHH…)

YES I AGREE !! Grian starts feeling as if they DONT actually care about him, hes been away for such a long time… they couldn’t care about him! They’ve probably forgotten him!

So he does what he thinks is reasonable, he doesnt come around the next time, he doesnt know how to act, he’s never loved until now ! He doesnt know how to act ! And so, when the time comes that he’d be home, he isnt. Hes traveling through the Balkan countries as a frenzy of worried messages from his boyfriend reach him. He does not want to think about, he doesnt want to think about what’s going on, he’s trying to give them the time to realize that they DONT need him (its all in Grians brain though, trust me, Scar and Mumbo love him FAR TOO MUCH to sometimes even let him go.) He doesnt pay with his card anymore so that they cant track him down, missing person posters pop up around land, even in TV, even after months of him being ‘missing’ , he realizes that the two love him still, despite being far away. And so he sets his direction back to America, swiftly flying over the Atlantic sea with his peregrine falcon form, and landing in their yard. Grian does not have the heart to tell them hes been “ghosting” them because of his insecurity and tells them he almost got caught in the alps and had to have a low profile for a long while.

Except.. he couldn’t lie to them, so he decides to tell them the truth.

Thats when he expected them both to stop loving him , but no. The two cry and hug Grian the tightest they’ve ever hugged. Grian sheds tears back and cries with them. The only things they were mad about was that Grian made them worried and HE HADNT PAID WITH HIS CARD. Meaning that man lived off of money he found on the ground and ate cat food.. AGAIN. And so they bring him inside and ensure him they love him, they give him space and ensure that everything’s alright,

In his next expedition Grian gets injured when riding a train in the alps, Scar and Mumbo thinks Grian is ghosting them again when he doesnt come back home, but when Grian calls them, they are filled with joy, although that is replaced with terror as someone else picks up the phone, Doc, as he called himself called from Grians phone to inform them that he had found Grian on the side of the train tracks injured.

Of course, Mumbo and Scar are.. TERRIFIED. I mean their boyfriend is injured in the alps, FAR FAR away with some unknown German guy !! Long story short, Grian recovers, makes friends with this ‘Doc’ guy, they become like brothers and its until then that Grian HAS to leave so that he can meet his boyfriends, arrives to America where the two TACKLE Grian to the ground.

AAAND doc ensures Grian that if hes ever travelling along the alps, he has a place to stay in,, Doc is this,, hermit. Like an actual hermit. His cabin is deep in the woods and doesnt have any friends because hes “scary”, but once he met Grian, his ‘little brother’ maybe his heart softened a bit!

GRIAN KEEPS GETTING IN TROUBLE AND FOR WHAT ??

-forgot my emoji, just jnow im the ask who wrote the last part of this AU 🤝💥

He calls Scar and Mumbo and promise them that he’ll keep Grian safe until he can get him back into their arms, maybe they can find a way to tame Grian’s wanderlust by having him travel between Scar and Mumbo’s home and Doc’s home

[jayisjusttired]

Today just seems like a good day to spout all my ideas lol

So I am currently thinking about writing a crossover between SHY and BNHA. Which given that its been like 2 years since I've read part of the bnha manga, this might not be a good idea lol. But I think they have the potential for a great crossover, just not in the way most people think lol.

What automatically comes to mind is Teru entering ua at the same time as Izuku/cannon. As like a normal student trying to become a hero. Which is a good idea, I like it, but think about it, in current Shy cannon, Teru is already a hero. Like she has been a hero for some months (I think) when the manga begins. She is 14 when the manga begins.

So let's assume this crossover takes place post Shy cannon (aka Stigma is defeated) while Bnha cannon begins. So maybe its been a year, Shy is 15 and already a hero, now with significant experience.

So ua, or at least Nezu had to have some idea on the risks of All Might becoming a teacher? Possibly some previous knowledge on the League's plans? So they need to have extra protection for the students who will be around All Might the most, the hero classes. Enter Teru! She is the right age to be entering ua and is already a hero. She joins class 1-a as subtle protection for the hero course. None of the students jnow she is a hero, so they can ensure no one outside of us staff know that they know something is up.

(Since it would be unfair if someone is already a hero taking a spot from a student to actually learn, there are now 21 spots in each class. Yes this does mean I am having Iko join class-b because she is badass)

I think it would be funny for other pro-heros to find out Shy is actually 15, and be like "a child? A hero already? But you started a couple years ago??!?!" (insert concern). And I also think it would be doubly funny if Pepesha and David (Stardust) are kinda like Teru's parents for school stuff. Because David is also a superstar, while Pepesha seems not to be famous as her real self, unless it is publically known she is also Spirits. (But given that its seems no one from the orphanage knew her as a hero, I think her identity is secret). I say Pepesha and David because who else? They are either not old enough or not close enough to Teru to be parental figures. Also the other options are literally a shrimp or an alien. (Also like where are her parents, is her grandad still alive??)

Then you also need to think about the Heart Conversion Bracelets. Clearly are alien tech, but it allows all the heros have different special powers. At the base it gives the user extra strength and other supernatural abilities, as well as lets them transform into their hero outfits. I want to implement them like the individual power each of the heros to be their quirks. So Spirits can turn into smoke, but gets super strength from the bracelets. But I hesitate because it was a very important part of Teru's character of discovering she can weild fire with the bracelets. So I don't know how to introduce that. Maybe I'll have her not be able to weild fire after her sister's death and then when she gains more confidence in herself she unlocks it again? Or maybe Teru just has basic strength enhancements, but the bracelets give her fire hmmmm. I think I'll go with the latter, mainly to make the fire her own.

Also about the heros in Shy. Instead of each of the heros being like the only hero of ecah country/representative, I think I'll make them all part of an international hero agency run by Uni-Lord. So the agency specializes in quick management of dealing with villains that cause problems in multiple countries. So one hero per country still.

I'm also thinking about Mei/Shine. About her popular she might have been, from what I understand from some untranslated chapters, it is known that Shine was Teru's sister by her teachers (all of this is heavy speculation on my part) and Shinebwas quite popular in Japan. So I think it will be interesting for Teru to go into ua and telling people her sister was Shine.

(What if I kill off Iida's brother in the Stain arc? Teru tries to comfort him? Or he looks to her for advice? Maybe I won't kill him off, but Iida feels bad because he feels he can't explain feeling sad about what happened with his brother in case he offends Teru because her hero sister actually died. That is if Teru joins the dekusquad though)

Also part of this idea of Teru at least joining class 1-a stemmed from the while thing was Kouta (I think thats his name, the kid from the summer camp arc who's parents were heros and died, so he hates heros). I haven't completed the summer camp arc, so thats a thing, might not be entirely accurate. But it is practically implied in Shy, that Mei kinda raised Teru more than their parents did. And also (heavy speculation from untranslated chapters) it is kinda implied Teru became kinda "dark" after her sister died (also just the stuff she discussed with her grandfather about heros). I just want a whole conversation between them in which Teru presents her whole position. Ending with how she carries her sister in her heart, and so does his parents in his and the people they saved.

Also from what I calculate, Mei was in high school when Teru was born, so like 14 to 16 (I say 16 cuz that would make her the same age as Spirits). And she died when Teru was 11, so she was like 25 to 27. So I think it would have been neat if Aizawa had worked with Mei before. Mei also started as a hero very very young so that would be interesting.

Izuku, being the hero fan that he is, knows about Shine/Mei, and knows that Shy is Shine's successor, but doesn't know Teru is Shy. Queue interesting convo.

I don't know, there is so much that could happen. If I do write this, it will probably end at the kamino fight (idk what this arc is called)

[writing-the-wrongs]

11.24.24@20:04

The dreams that i can control

I think about if i should hqve them

The visions of breath on flesh

About teeth

Glistening in dim light

Maybe from the moon, or a candle

But from a sense of wickedness concealed

Finally being released

I dont know if i should have my way

To will it

Or if i should just give up on my dreams

Romance, passion, companionship

Even thr dreams that take me

I dont have of him anymore

Why? Idk. Maybe conditioning myself

"That will never happen"

Hearing the words he says

Shifting them into my reality

That it wont

And so i dont

But because you dont give me a sign

Maybe you give me an inch

I take it

And i run

I run wild

And imagine the world i think i want

But thats not fair

Right? To force shape unto you

When i hardly mnow why you hang yiur head to the left when youre drunk

I dont need tk know everything

Just the things you want to share

I want ti know everything

Because i want you to know me

Its only fair.

A tit for tat.

You remibd me of hozier.

Bashful, quiet, dark and curly

Are you a slash?

Do you have a love for violence too

For understanding the humanity in it

Because he [thinks] knows mercy

And i jnow tempstion

And you have moved on from both it seems

[the1975attheirverybest]

All of your excuses sound like Lizzo when she said "celebrities don't have as much power as you think they have" or some similar shit. Do any of you anons know what difference it makes to post some thing? To talk about something? To protest againts this genocide?

I'm so angry I couldn't make it to this nonsense of anons on time like 2 hours ago.

You all should be ashamed of talking like that, what on earth does your fy pages look like? Cos mine looks like genocide, death childre, starved people and bombs. If mine looks like that and yours look like 'met gala this, beyonce that, taylor this' them I'm sorry to tell you, but you just wanna be blind and you're doing it all by yourself. And yes I have attended Taylors Paris concert and yes I have fun with art and streaming music and I try to live a normal life but that's not a fucking excuse to not care about it, to say nothing about it, to deny the need of famous people posting a simple story about it on their instagram.

We give celebrities the power of representing us just like politicians. Celebrities are our mirror. If we don't like that mirror anymore or we are dissapointed with it that's completly valid. Celebrities are in charge of giving voice to SO MANY people, they can do it with a simple gesture, they just don't do it because "going against your country supporting a genocide" it's bad for their PR teams.

Honestly I have started just blocking celebs at this pint because I jnow they are never gonna talk about it, not even now.

(Again it's alright if you are done with the conversation for today and don't want to post this. i know i'm late to the topic and the stupid anons and all)

-💕

No, no, you’re totally right. At this point, an attitude of “keeping the peace,” is tantamount to complicity and silence that’s why, the other day, I said that liberals are the same as conservatives. The whole thing of “it’s fine to protest but do it peacefully.” Or “it’s great that you care but people have the right to not give a shit.” Mate, just say you’re a racist fuckface and let’s get it over with.

What’s funny is that these are the same people who shake their heads when they learn about the holocaust and slavery and the civil rights movements. They’re always like “where were all the good people!” HERE. LIKE YOU. BEING COMPLICIT. What people are saying now about student protest is word for word what they said about MLK. At the time of his assassination, he was wildly unpopular. Democrats have always been silent in the moment. They wait 20 or 50 years then turn around and name a monument after you or write a chapter about you in a textbook. But when it comes time for action, they’re just as bad as their right wing opponents. I’m sorry but civility is over. Either be humble enough to fuckin listen and learn, or I’m going to yell at you. I don’t care.

[azlovesem]

Shine on yourself just smile if you see her what else ya gonna do? Ibwant to come there. Not to bug anyone i dont do that. Hopefully nobody bugs me or turns me away from the airport. I can home in anyone and find them but i dont want to do that. The only thing i might do is gamble a bit to grt more funds. I font jnow if you have casinos. If not better off. Ill bet on sports or horseracing. There is almost no one i wpuld talk to about anything. Secret knowledge im chock full of almost no one would be able to make heafs nor tails or tales of it like i can. Only i can do what i do snywhere. Not just here on earth. I dont wsnt to wander here. Its too big. Ive seen it. I wwant yo go to antiques roadshow country. I dont know about going there i aint got no antiques. But i want to see London and the country side. Then after i get bored ill go to Paris then Ukraine. And thatll be my last stop. If the wars still on by then if not good. Who needs it. Thomgs in manybasys did not go well for me here. I had some fun and got a llt of pain with it. Im not planning on ever coming back here one way or the other theres no use. What im not gonna do is go look for her. Not because i dont want to. I just csnt it eoukd kill me. Shes my only and greatest weakness. If im going to fight i have to be ready to kill dhe takes those feelings right out of me. I never ever had that before happen ever. Almost a few times but not like that. Its not like i just cant crush her i can you or anyone else. Bit not her its weird. I hope if i csnt hsve her she finds a nice person her age and is happy. I fuckn wont be now i just td uou km fucked now. Forever. Thats why inwant to just tour arpund then hopefully find a good death in batlle. Theyll see right away when i get there domething is not regular about this guy. Storms follow him around but almsot seems to do as he commands. I told you mother fuckers. I have the weather itself as my weapon. You stand…no chance. And im talkn the big fight between good and evil. Nit over some petty fight over a stretch of shitty land.

Our beloved princess will return completely healed and she will shine on us again.

[servands]

I write it all, all start when i was at school something on my dreams prefer and stand with me at nighttill morning that afternoon of course was scarin by hurts, people reding mins comvert so trubled, i thing theresse a proble with those shosen people thwy don jnow the trouble in theyre in of course the people in that case should be working or living theyre lives but they dont have idea thay not cool with me of course it donts bother me couse tha thing in the collegewas so well with me till te first was down, evereithing was soooo counfusing till the day they came it was so perfect that the same noice armonize as itself, the simple thing that i was blocked by the sistem of my university confuse at all as my friends till almost all my teachers, it was a course on me i cudlent study on my roomclasses not even see my friend and collegrs in they classroom people always scare me wi they toughts but this time i sufered the worse nighrmare ever just for trying to smoke a sigarete from me at the floor of my backroom it was so impresed how the infinity of feelings was destroying me and a sice of young guy tried me to scare with satanism and bad stuff, but i didnt count nothing of that i just follow the dream the case i was, my female teachers all of them cudlent help me at all beside mi male teachers not even suport me at all, allways live in rectory when i was fighting for my art and history of education, was so simple but not even disturbing for me the fact that a sir blocked me inside my university society was the real disturb, i was starting to scare for my life , the thing is that the sime fact that my life as student and art worker converse in a poor life of a children who live in the streat with bad habits and losing control with drugs make me scream from the truth that that was dead, but when i found that the way being better was caming back to home i realize that i lose my university for life the question is now ill be back for my profesionel classes ill be back for suport suffering ill be back for more srcreaming? Im scare of my real life everyday but what saves me the exaustwd work i made for keep in contact with who i love or the universal studies i bring to it self? Doesent matter people kill and since before you know about! They now they can so they tryit doesent matter they want life and your dont have a lot, doesent matter no even in you live. What i wanna tell you its dont worry i live for life and what i do is make me a better part of the world everything will be okay tha thing is how let feel with out abuse be happy and undersand what got on deserve understand the world how you got and beyond of that you deserve i deserve we all deserve but is not to be worried is for a thruth hope.

I can everething and is on know but to finish we all need to close eyes.

[blackvail22]

also i feel like i do a lot for people and i never receive the same thing back. my irl friends r a different story because i dont reach out to them as much (cuz when i do its so dry and no one wants to talk) but my online ones? im always there for them. i always give them advice, i always sympathize for them, and i laugh at their unfunny jokes too. BUT STILL no one responds when i tell them im here for them, no one really cares abt the advice i give them even when they ask for it. no one really cares what i have to say and it will always be like that

no one cares about my presence and its exhausting. no one thinks my presence makes things a little better. people say they like talking to me but they dont reach out. just because i graduated doesnt mean i dont exist. i mean I never rlly did in school either but damn!

at work one of my managers tell me how much she appreciates me. i always try my best to be nice and i try to conversate even when i dont jnow how. all i do is the bare minimum and act busy sometimes because i have a fear of being yelled at for doing nothing (when everyone just does nothing every once in a while). i get good numbers most the time, and i truly dont know how im the only one? im usually the only one, and i dont understand how. i say the same script each time that everyone else says. im just lucky probably

and the fact i had to ask for another week off for my vacation in october made me die a little inside esp because i might need another surgery. this is why i need to work at home

its 2am, i am hungry for things i havent been able to eat for two weeks (and cant eat for at least another week) and im dying inside. i feel so alone.

i wish i had friends that talked to me all the time instead of.... oh, when they text the gc w me in it when ik damn well theres one without me