#I THOUGHT I QUEUED THIS FOR YESTERDAY.

[icanfixthempolls]

[utahlive]

Have you cleaned your room yet? Shit looks nasty tbh.

Thank you for your question, viewer!

[transcript below]

Anonymous Caller:

Have you cleaned your room yet? Shit looks nasty tbh.

Wilbur Soot:

some of my posters had water damage so I took them down

[wanderingmind867]

Today I go back to school. More specifically, I get on the school bus in like 20 minutes. So wish me luck today. I'm probably going to need it. With me going full days (from 7/8 am to 2 pm), and with me having stomach issues, I really think I could use some luck right about now. So hopefully all goes well. But I'm still ridiculously nervous, and I can only pray I don't need to come home early due to stomach problems. If that happens, I'm gonna end up rethinking going to school this semester. But I need to try and be positive. So for now, let's just pray all goes well.

[tetzoro]

good morning & happy friday friendz !! we have made it to the end of the week yipeee !! hoping today treats everyone kindly and that we can start off the weekend right !! 🤍 gentle reminder that you are loved, you are adored, you are appreciated. i’m happy you’re here !!

[sexy-weapons]

The AC-8 Autocannon from Helldivers 2

Smash

[weirdphilosopher]

i need dom shops to be open so i can gene my fathoms LET ME IN

[snarp]

Struggling to think my thoughts

[tesla-tday]

[prowlsart]

this bitch be cozy

artfight attack of @mothgirlsummer of his oc Mortimer! 

[kasumingo]

where do posts go between being in queue and getting posted

[thewapolls]

[a9saga]

the brilliant green - bye! my boy! // happy 50th birthday to my favorite female artist for half of my life, tomoko kawase!

[bobfloydsbabe]

Shut up, this is so damn cute! The vibes are perfect and I could picture the scene to vividly as I was reading, and that's a part of your storytelling that never ceases to impress me. I want to point out one particular thing that I adored about this, and that's the fact I had no idea it was supposed to be a set up from Nora and Bradley, and their meeting felt so natural.

I love Bob and Maeve together, and I'm so proud of you for choosing to write an OC even though tumblr hates them ❤️

this one is so cute! 🍂🍁🍃

A stands in a queue when they notice a leaf stuck in the hair/on the clothes of the person in front of them. They offer to remove it for them.

for bob and maeve?

AHHHH so excited to start writing for these two! And of course I had to bring in Bradley and Birdie! ❤️❤️ Enjoy!

Fall in San Diego was different. By the time October started rolling, the average temperature had cooled down to a ‘crisp’ seventy degrees. Chunky sweaters were traded in for light cardigans. Sure, you could wear a scarf, but not a functional one. Gone were the days of needing gloves.

It was a stark difference from the east coast.

Gone was the scenic view of mountains and orchards. In its place were micro-breweries and overpriced wineries. But also gone was a shitty ex husband. In its place, the unknown.

At least the farmer markets here still sold apple butter.

It was a consolidation prize for Maeve. She was forever grateful that Nora wanted to show her around, but that also meant third wheeling for Nora and her fiancé. Worse, they were sickeningly in love. She had never been so happy for her best friend, but also so fucking jealous at the same time.

So she would enjoy these last few moments, while Nora was trying to find her partner amidst the crowd. They tried to not make her feel bad, but being around them reminded Maeve how alone she had become.

Wait, did that guy have a leaf on his back?

Upon squinting her hazel eyes, she saw that man standing in front of her did in fact, have a leaf on the back of his plaid shirt.

Should she- oh thank God, he was reaching for it. Now Maeve wouldn't have to look at it while standing in line.

Nope. Despite his long arms, the leaf had wedged itself in a place where he couldn't reach. Oh God, was she going to have to watch him struggle the whole time?

Wanting to save her sanity outweighed her dislike of talking to strangers.

"I can get it for you, the leaf. If you want?"

He turned around to reveal a face that made her heart flutter. Bright blue eyes, bluer than the ocean. Tortoiseshell glasses that framed his face. Sunkissed hair, tousled in waves. A button nose that brought a sense of sweetness to him. A smattering of faded freckles, no doubt from hours upon hours of being out in the sun.

"Could you? That would be great, otherwise it's gonna bother me all day?" His voice was smooth as whiskey, a rural upbringing lacing his words.

But what was most astounding was his smile. The way his thin pink lips contorted to form a small, slightly crooked smile. The creases that formed around his oceanic eyes, showing years of smiles and laughter.

God, he just looked kind. The type that Maeve always wondered what it would be like to have. To see first thing in the morning and the last thing when she closed her eyes at night.

"M'am?" It didn't come across as condescending, it was actually charming. It was also said in such a deep vibrato that Maeve to snap out of whatever the fuck those last two minutes was.

It's been three months, for fuck sake's Maeve.

Why would he even be interested in you?

This is why you're a twenty-eight year old divorceé.

Maeve nodded as she mentally scolded herself, "Absolutely, not a problem."

Bob turned around, despite not wanting to. He would rather focus on the umber curls that framed her face. Or the way shades of hickory and green swirled together in her eyes. His favorite had to be how her eyes squinted when she smiled. His mother would call that as having 'smiley eyes' when he was a child.

Jesus Christ, we're really desperate now.

It wouldn't end well for you anyways. Never does.

That's why you're thirty-four and still single, Robert.

So in a way, he was grateful to turn around, as it was a chance to get himself together.

That lasted for maybe ten seconds. Bob couldn't tell if touch was incredibly gentle or if she wasn't touching him. So he turned his head, catching her reaching out.

The eye contact made Maeve freeze for a beat or two. Once Bob flashed her that sweet smile, she found the strength to continue, internally marveling at how soft his shirt felt.

He must use fabric softener. Maybe he attends this market regularly. Maybe-

It's been three months.

Yes, three months since the document was signed and it was made official legally. But the acceptance of a unsustainable marriage had occured a year ago.

She held up the leaf for effect, "You want to keep it as memorabilia?"

Bob chuckled, making Maeve feel warm all over, as if she had just drank mulled cider, "No, no, I think I'm good. But I'd love to buy that for you as a way to say thanks."

This time it was her turn to shake her head, "Oh, it was nothing! Just a leaf." Bob noticed that when she shook her head, the curls that had fallen over his forehead shook slightly.

God, she was adorable. Absolutely, completely endearing.

"Yeah, but that would have bothered me the whole time I was with my friends. I wouldn't have been able to focus on anything else," he grinned, "Plus you had no issue talking to a complete stranger. That's gotta be commended."

A laugh escapes from her rosey lips, "I usually hate talking to strangers." Fuck, why would you even say that?

If he found it odd, the handsome stranger didn't visibly or vocally show it, "Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of that either. Again, gotta be commended."

She looked down at the jar of apple butter, "It would be faster if you paid for mine. I'm meeting some friends too."

"Happy to serve," the unintentional pun about his career was lost on her. At least he could bring it up to Mickey, who would get a good laugh out of it. And his wife Cielo too. And then they would probably do something sweet, like kiss while holding hands, unintentionally reminding Bob how utterly alone it felt coming home from work every day.

Their hands brushed against one another when Maeve transferred the jar to Bob. He turned around, partly to see if he needed to step forward, partly to hide the smile on his face.

Had he turned around, he would have seen the same smile on her face. One that was full of excitement, felt for the first time in years. Just like him.

Eventually, he looked back, this time mainly to see if his friends were amidst the crowd of shoppers.

He felt the need to explain, out of fear of coming across as creepy, "My friend went looking for his fiancé. She's bringing her best friend."

What a coincidence, Nora's fiancé was bringing a friend too.

Yeah, to help you feel less shitty about always being their third wheel.

"Well does your friend have any idea where his fiancé could be?" Maeve asked as Bob paid for the two jars of apple butter.

"Oh yeah, Birdie's first stop is always the Takyaki stand," Bob paused, "Birdie isn't her real name, it's just-"

"Do you mean Nora?" Maeve's voice was now timid. Blood rushing through her veins, wondering if it was too good to be true.

Bob stopped in his tracks, brows knitting together, "How do you know her name?"

Before Maeve could explain, two new voices interrupted.

"Bob?" "Maeve?"

Turning around revealed Nora (who many referred to as 'Birdie'), who was holding the hand of her fiancé, Bradley (who at work was referred to as 'Rooster').

Bob and Maeve turned their attention back to one another, realization hitting like a brick wall.

He's the kindest guy I know. You'll love him.

She's honestly just the sweetest. It's a damn shame what happened.

They're like you. They've been through similar shit.

"You're Maeve?" He had a long finger pointed at her (God his hands were huge) but it wasn't accusing.

Maeve felt at ease, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders as she nodded, her eyes creasing due to her smile.

There were those smiley eyes that made his knees weak.

"I am and you're Bob? Just Bob, right? No totally random, work nickname?" With anyone else, it would have been demeaning. A few years ago, Bob would have taken offense.

But his shoulders were feeling lighter these days thanks to the past actually staying in its namesake more often.

"Well, my full name is Robert. I have some family who call me Rob, some call me Robby but that's because I gave them explicit permission to do so, not everyone reaches that level. And then some of my friends call me Bobby. So in terms of work nickname, you're correct, it's not totally random." His eyes were so expressive, it was memorizing to watch.

Charming. He was actually charming.

"Well, I think having multiple nicknames that are based off of your actual name is better than having one and it's a children's game or bird," she turned her head to flash a smile, "No offense Bradley."

Bradley, who was used to her strong opinions on call signs and now only a foot away, simply rolled his eyes, "No offense taken Maeve. But we do call him Bagman, remember?"

A coy smile spread across her face, something Bob found so endearing.

"So you two....know each other?" Nora asked, raising an eyebrow. She swears she would have remembered her best friend meeting one of her fiancé's best work friends.

"We actually just met. Maeve saved me from an afternoon of trying to reach a spot on my back to get rid of a leaf," Bob explained, gently putting his hand on Maeve's shoulder. His touch was pleasant, considerate even.

"Bob got me some apple butter as a thank you," Maeve held up the jar while looking down, hoping no one would notice the rosy hue that was spreading across her face.

"Which, I assume is to make your famous cinnamon sugar apple butter pie?" Bob now turned to her, his eyes lit up with excitement.

Catching her confused expression, Bob jumped in, "When you left a pie after visiting Birdie, Bradley brought in leftovers. It was a huge hit, I still think about it."

Charlie always had an issue with whatever she cooked. Too salty. Not healthy babe. Why are you even making that?

But Charlie wasn't here. He was on the east coast, no doubt trying to find another gullible person to invest in one of his bullshit 'ideas'.

Instead there was Bob, who had a sparkle in his eyes. Who had not only heard about you, but remembered details too.

God, the bar was so fucking low.

Meanwhile, Bob hadn't thought about Cassie once since meeting the curly, raven haired woman with the most adorable smile he had ever seen.

"Well, given the lack of a paper bag in Nora's hand, I'd say it's time we head to the Hog Haven stand and get some breakfast sandwiches," Maeve suggested, hoping it would turn the attention away from her.

"Absolutely! I know Bob wanted to stop by the pickling stand for Sauerkraut and that's on the way!" Nora grabbed Bradley's hand, and walked forward, leaving Bob and Maeve to walk side by side.

Almost as if it was planned that way.

"What's the Sauerkraut for?" Maeve asked, secretly noticing how he slowed his stride to match hers.

"I'm making Bigos. It means 'Hunter Stew' in Polish. My mom made it for me and my siblings all the time growing up. She's back in Wisconsin, and since it's finally 'cooled down' here, figured it was a good time to make it."

Bob can't remember the last time he felt this talkative to someone new. Usually it takes hours, sometimes even multiple outings for him to warm up. And that was if he liked the person's company.

It took him two months to warm up to Jake.

But something about Maeve had him talking a mile a minute. Even Bradley had turned around to raise his eyebrows at how much Bob was talking. He had to be careful; the last thing he needed was to be in the same situation he was in six years ago.

"I'm not super familiar with Polish food- other than bagels and pierogi's- but I'd like to learn more about it," her voice was sweet, albeit slightly reserved. Not wanting to appear too eager, or insinuate anything.

"I have a whole box of recipes from my mom and Aunts and Grandma. I can bring it next time-" He paused. No, don't assume. Never assume. "I can pass it on to Bradley who can give it to Birdie. Whichever you prefer."

"We can leave y'all to talk to each other if you want!" Bradley called out before turning his attention back to Nora.

"I have a feeling this won't be the last time we see each other. Not if those two lovebirds have anything to say about it." Her comment brought out a laugh in Bob, which in turn caused a big smile to break out across Maeve's face.

"Glad I'm not the only one who calls them that. Everyone else says it's too cheesy." "Well, those people have no love or appreciation for puns. Luckily for you Robby, I do."

He didn't correct her. In fact, he liked how the name sounded coming from her pink lips.

"Maybe we can keep talking about puns and recipes while they," Bob pointed to Bradley and Nora, who were currently holding hands and exchanging (what they thought to be) sneaky kisses, "Are themselves."

"So they act this way around you too?" Maeve's eyes lit up, relieved she wasn't the only one who had to deal with the most sickeningly sweet couple on the planet, "Being a third wheel with them is rough."

The two had now stopped at the pickles goods stand, ignoring their friends who had invited them out.

"I think it's going well! I never saw her smile this much with Charlie," Nora whispered excitedly, unable to take her green eyes off of Maeve and Bob.

"I'd say so," Bradley looked at Nora, not needing to see that his friend was talking to Maeve with a gleam in his blue eyes, a rare sight, "You know it's not going to happen overnight, right?"

"I'm aware. But I think they're off to a good start," Nora grinned. The sight of her best friend, looking the happiest she's seen in the past year, kept her bounce on her toes.

Bob and Maeve were indeed, off to a good start.

[lipglossanon]

Star In My Eyes

Best friend!Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader

A Little More Savory tier commission from @porcelainseashore 💜 💜 thank you!! 😭

Word Count: 2658 🫣

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, bf!leon, next door neighbor!leon, pining, lots of feels happening, Leon POV, jealousy, possessiveness, “just friends” 🤭, kissing, dirty talk, unprotected sex, creampie

proofread ✍️

↺ ◁◁͏͏ ll ▷▷ ⋮≡

Things have settled back into their regular routine. Leon hasn’t brought up that illicit window scene—even if it has lived rent free in his head since—and you definitely haven’t brought it up. He kind of wishes you would; he wants to know if it meant anything or really was just the one-off it seems to be. But, you’re his best friend, the girl next door he’s had in his corner from the beginning. He’d be stupid to mess that up. 

Meeting you for lunch isn’t anything new; it’s literally a muscle memory for him to walk over to the campus cafeteria and meet up with you for a bite to eat. Today, he catches you already seated at a table and waves to you. You smile brightly and wave back before pointing at the seat across from you. A warm, fluttery feeling trills in his stomach like a songbird. Queuing in line to grab something from the menu, he can’t help but think that ever since that afternoon, Leon hasn’t been out on any dates. 

And he’s not upset about it either. You’ve been spending your free time with him too—talking about buying a new controller interface to produce better mixes for your beats. It all flies over his head, but you light up like the Fourth of July when chatting about it, and Leon’s happy enough to bask in that glow. 

After paying for his food, he’s so lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t even realize someone has occupied the seat next to you until he’s sitting down across from you. 

The guy has the audacity to smile at Leon. “Hey, man.”

“Hey.” 

He flicks his eyes from this interloper over to you. You’re not even paying attention to Leon; your body’s angled towards this stranger with a smile on your face.

“Don’t lose my number now,” the guy winks. 

Does he think that lame-ass pickup line will work? Leon scoffs mentally, but his eyes cut back to you, and you’re still smiling at that guy. There’s no way you would give that loser the time of day—right?

“Uh huh, I’ll think about it.” You wave him off with a laugh, and the idiot finally leaves. 

Leon’s blood pressure skyrockets. That asshole gave you his number, and you took it? You don’t even know this guy; he could be a total douchebag. 

“Who was that?” He pins you in place with his stare. 

You shrug, like Leon’s not losing his mind right now.

“Some guy. I think we have a class together,” you pause before shaking your head. “Either way, he wanted to see if I was free this weekend.”

“For what?”

You laugh, “What do you think? He asked me out on a date.”

Leon’s stomach clenches uncomfortably. “And?”

“And I told him I had plans.” Your brows raise in concern. “Are you okay? I told you yesterday that I had to run some errands for my dad on Saturday, and we’re hanging on Sunday.”

He forces his shoulders to relax. “Yeah, I just thought—never mind. You coming over today?”

You smile, confusion hovering over your features. “Of course. You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Things were not fine. He enjoys the rest of lunch with you, talking about classes and upcoming assignments, but in the back of his mind, he can’t stop thinking about how casually that guy hit on you. How you just sat there, smiling, instead of telling him to piss off. Leon’s literally sitting right in front of you—your best friend—so there’s no need for some loser to come barging in.

After splitting up for different classes, Leon’s thoughts run in a constant loop. He gets why that guy hit on you; the why isn’t the issue. He just hates that you even entertained that Neanderthal. How many times have you complained to him about a terrible date? Countless times. Leon can’t even remember all the horrible details of each one—only that once it’s all said and done, you come to him for comfort.

And after all, why not? He’s your shoulder to cry on, the one person who’s been by you through thick and thin. Which, of course, goes both ways, but he can’t help but feel protective of you. You’re too sweet and trusting; a prime example being that dickweed at lunch. Leon is so in his thoughts that he doesn’t even take notes for any of his lectures, just sitting in his seat for each one and thinking about you. 

How often does that kind of thing happen? Especially when he’s not even around. How many guys have hit on you, and you’ve never thought to even mention it to him? Glaring at random guys he sees around campus, Leon stews in his emotions—possessive jealousy and frustration coursing through him and sending his thoughts on a downward spiral.

By the time Leon leaves campus, he’s decided on a new course of action. He’s really going to show you he’s the only one for you. Running through ideas on the drive home, he thinks back on all the things he’s done that had you acting overly affectionate toward him.  It’s guaranteed to happen when he helps you out with something—like the last time he changed the oil in your car without asking him to or fixing your old radio.

Not seeing your car parked out by your house, Leon decides to just hang around the garage, maybe tinker with some little projects he’s got on the side. You brought over a busted speaker the other day, and since he has the free time, he might as well work on it. Plus, it’ll help with his plans as well as take his mind off of things.

Losing track of time, he doesn’t lift his head away from his workbench until you’re clearing your throat behind him. 

“Whatcha working on?”

He stands and stretches, rubbing his neck to work a kink out. “Think your speaker is almost fixed up. Wanna solder a few things before testing it.”

“Oh nice! Thanks, Leon!” You smile, peering around him to look at the mess on the tabletop. “That saves me so much money, you don’t even know. You’re the best.”

Pride suffuses his chest, your praise lighting up his brain.

“Eh, just glad to help.”

Leon watches you walk over to the couch and relax onto the cushions. After stretching a bit more, he walks over and rolls the garage door shut before joining you. He sinks down into the soft material, legs splayed out in front of him. Drumming his fingers on his thighs, his eyes shooting over to the pack of smokes on his workbench.

“You should cut back,” you tease, kicking your shoes off and tucking your feet under his thigh.

“I don’t even smoke that much.” He rolls his eyes, a grin tugging at his lips. “Besides, you’re not my boss.”

“You’re right. I’d fire you for insubordination.” You tease, and he shakes his head with a chuckle.

Lapsing into silence, Leon’s thoughts circle back to earlier at lunch. It can’t hurt anything to feel you out, see what you really think about that guy.

“You gonna call that dude who gave you his number?” His fingertips tap a nonsensical beat on the top of your foot.

You wiggle your toes against his thigh. “Eh, I don’t think so. Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve even been on a date I’ve probably forgotten how,” you laugh. 

Leon doesn’t know what possesses him, but he blurts out the first thought that crosses his mind. 

“We could practice.”

He doesn’t know why he says it; it was just a word vomit moment. There’s no way—

“S-sure,” you look away shyly. “Just a friend helping a friend, right?”

He nods so fast his fringe moves with the motion. “Right! Nothing weird about wanting to help out a friend. And we’re best friends, so it only makes sense for me to help you.”

You finally look back over at him, plush bottom lip tucked between your teeth. Leon wants to sink his own teeth into that lip.

“Okay. Um, so where do we start?” You straighten up in your seat and smooth your hands down your shirt.

“Well, what’s making you nervous?” His own heart races in anticipation.

“Well, if things lead to more, I’m not sure what I’d do,” you pull your feet away to move closer to him.

“Yeah?” Arousal pools hot and fast in his gut. “Want me to take the lead?”

“Please,” you murmur, eyes drifting to his lips. Your hand reaches up to brush his fringe from his eyes. 

“It’s just helping out a friend.” The words are quiet, like you’re trying to convince yourself. Leon, not wanting to lose this chance, rubs his palms down your sides. 

“Of course.” He nods, helping you straddle his lap, brain buzzing with so many thoughts it’s all noise. “It’s just practice.”

“Uh-huh,” your eyes droop, sinking your weight against him, hands resting on his chest. “Just pretend.”

“Okay,” he murmurs, bringing one hand up to cup the back of your neck. 

He pulls you down as he tilts his head, slotting your mouths together like puzzle pieces. His cock stiffens in his jeans when you gasp and melt against his body. Your kisses are soft and hesitant—your mouth parting immediately when Leon swipes his tongue across the seam of your lips.

It’s easy to get lost in this slow, sensual makeout. Leon’s hands grip onto your hips, thumbs pressing right into your hip bones. Your fingers are tangled in his hair, making his cock twitch every time your nails scratch against his scalp. He’s so lucky that you trust him with something like this—that you’re willing to be this vulnerable with him. 

His feelings are all over the place, but the one thing that definitely stands out is the bone-deep satisfaction in knowing you're all his, at least for now. You rock your hips down against his bulge, and he groans against your mouth.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done anything like this.” You pull away, lips kiss swollen and dilated gaze locked onto his. 

His fingers encircle your wrists where your hands rest on his chest, keeping his eyes on yours. “Oh?”

“Mm hmm,” you offer him a fond smile, his favorite kind; it reaches your eyes and makes them soft. 

He drops kisses to your jaw, the apples of your cheeks, then your parted lips. A surge of want so heady it makes him dizzy has him kissing you deeply.

So that’s how one thing leads to another—hot, sloppy kisses to dirtily grinding your damp, panty-clad cunt against the bulge in his briefs—and now you’re both naked, with Leon pressing you down into the couch cushions while he drags his cock across your sensitive clit.

“We’re best friends, right?” He murmurs, taking your hands in his and pressing them above your head.

You nod, eyes glassy. “Of course, Leon. Best friends.”

He rubs his thumb over the pulse point in your wrist before reaching one hand down to grip the base of his dick. Slapping his cock down onto your wet cunt, he notches the tip at your drippy hole. His heartbeat’s in his throat. 

“This okay?”

Whining, you cant your hips toward him. “Yes, please, wanna feel you.”

Groaning from deep in his chest, Leon rocks forward, sinking inch by inch into your snug cunt. He hopes to god he can hold out. You feel way too good. His eyes slip shut, and he pants heavily, one hand gripping your hip while the other still grips your wrists. 

“Fucking hell,” he grunts, finally opening his eyes to stare down at you. “Such a tight cunt.”

He watches your lashes flutter as your pussy grips his cock like a vice. He groans, pulling out to fuck back in just as deep. Letting go of your wrists, he slides his other hand down across your body, groping your breasts before gripping your hip.

“God, you showing me these gorgeous tits the other night—can’t stop thinkin’ about ‘em,” he dips his head down and bites at your stiff peaks, tongue swiping across each hard nipple. “Teasing me in the window like that? Got me so hard.”

Your cunt squeezes down on his cock, and he groans.

“Leon,” your hands move to grab onto his broad shoulders, making his muscles flex under your hands. “Fuck, your mouth feels so good.”

“Yeah?” He grunts, pulling out halfway before rutting his cock back inside your snug pussy, his fingers digging into the fat of your hips.

“Your soft wet pussy feels good, too,” he whispers against the shell of your ear. “Your pretty perfect pussy, and it’s all mine.”

“All yours,” you whine, hole pulsing and sucking his cock in further.

You gasp out, lips brushing against his, “Have you ever felt this good with anyone else?” 

“No, never. You’re so good, so good for me,” he pants, mouthing and biting at your breasts.

He raises up, grabbing for your hands until he can lace your fingers together, pressing your clasped hands down against the couch cushions. Now, Leon’s face to face with you, watching the pleasure twist your features erotically. 

“You drive me crazy,” he tells you, voice gentle even as his hips thrust roughly against yours. “Just wanna keep you all to myself.”

“Leon,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist. “I feel the same way.”

He presses your lips together, licking into your mouth with a moan. He can’t get enough of the way you taste, sucking on your tongue greedily. Thrusting faster, his cock pounds into your sopping wet cunt harder and harder—the sound of skin slapping together sounding loud in the garage. Letting go of your hand, he slips his fingers between your bodies and begins strumming against your puffy clit. 

It’s like a live wire runs through your body, muscles tightening and twitching while your pussy walls flutter around his cock.

“Gonna cum,” you whimper against his lips, and he kisses you heatedly, swallowing your moans and whines to keep stowed away for when he’s alone in the dark of the night. 

“Do it,” he murmurs, pulling back until he can lock eyes with you. “Cum for me, show me how good you feel, baby.”

Whining, your head arches back, legs clamping down around his waist as you cry out softly. Leon can feel the difference; your pussy milking his cock with your inner muscles until he’s groaning and burying himself balls deep. Belatedly he realizes he’s cumming inside you raw, a hot spike of arousal driving him to rut deeper into your cunt, hot ropes of cum spurting thick and sticky inside your hole.

Giving you a few minutes until your legs drop away from his body, Leon eases out of your pussy, eyes glued to your puffy cunt as you leak his cum onto the ugly green cushions. You stretch and raise up with a moan, reaching for your clothes strewn in the back of the couch. 

Dressing quietly, Leon’s unsure what to do or say next. A line was crossed, whether or not either of you admits it out loud, and he only hopes you’re both crossing over into the same direction. 

“Shit!”

Leon’s pulled from his musings at your urgent tone. 

“I told mom I’d stop by the store on my way home and totally forgot. Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. 

Tossing on your jacket, you stand up, patting your pockets until you find your keys. 

“Talk later, okay?” You drop a quick kiss onto Leon’s lips before walking over to the garage door and rolling it open enough to slip under. 

You shoot him a smile and a little wink before letting the door drop closed. Leon sits there dumbfounded, brain oddly quiet as he processes what just happened. Maybe you’re both more on the same page than he thought. 

[da-rulah]

So yesterday I got home from my Skeletour weekend, and I have some thoughts...

*MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT*

I went to both the London and Birmingham rituals, with London being my first ever ritual. I went in with basically no knowledge of what had happened at previous dates (how the fuck I avoided so many spoilers I just don't know) and I'm so glad I did, because the emotional rollercoaster of night one in London with every twist and turn... I'll mostly talk about my London ritual step by step, and add some notes about Birmingham where there were differences. Let's get into it.

Myself and my friends queued from 11am at the venue, and managed to get about 5-6 rows from the barrier just slightly off centre to the left. A STUNNING view for my first ritual... In Birmingham we arrived at around 4, and we still managed to get about 3-4 rows from the front on the left hand side, right in front of the left platform.

Now...Peacefield?! Peacefield... it's giving Separate Ways by Journey in all of the right ways, and my god, what a hopeful song. I could barely hear the lyrics, I was too busy crying the second Papa walked on stage. Part of me is glad I didn't know the song, it gave me a chance to have my moment just watching him and sobbing. But despite it being a ballsy move to open with a song no one knows, just know this - it is an opener. If you haven't heard it, you'll hear it later on today when they drop it. Wow.

And then we dove straight into Lachryma, which just lends itself perfectly to a live performance. The key change? Delectable.

What I wasn't expecting, was Spirit... Are you... fucking joking?! You're gonna play Spirit for the first time since 2018 with no warning?! His long note at the end, held perfectly... The crescendo, the build throughout, then the crowd joining in with "SPIRIT!" and "ABSINTHE!"

He dropped Pinnacle and replaced it with Faith, which I was unaware of not having seen the setlist beforehand, so the second I heard the intro I prepared myself for that growl - not disappointed. Ho-ly fuck. And to hear the "Faith... is... mine, motherFUCKERS!" live?! Sedate me. You need to SEDATE me.

Just as the crowd goes quiet, Phantom wanders over to the middle and splits the crowd in two, making us battle it out for which side is the loudest. From what I remember, my side (the left) was the loudest at both shows, and his reaction to it was always such a treat. But Phantom handled the crowd so well and it really says a lot about him that even through the mask, with no words at all, he can command thousands of people like that.

And then Majesty.

To begin with, I couldn't see Papa at all where we were stood in London, because he was rising behind the drum kit. We had a much clearer view in Birmingham. But when I first saw him in the full regalia, I was just in awe. Majesty is such a grand song and the way he performed it lording over the crowd like that was spectacular. His animatronic-style choreography was fantastic and I can't explain how it worked so well, it just DID. I'm not totally sold that it's actually him doing it, as he doesn't have his handheld mic and I couldn't for the life of me see if he had a Britney-esque mic, plus the screen footage is definitely pre-recorded (you can tell because the movements weren't always spot on with what was happening live, but most of the time they were). The vocals are definitely live though, which is what makes me think he has a double for this (which we see during Umbra, but I'll get on that a little later...) After Majesty, he comes back out without the robes on, and he asks the crowd if they're warm - which yes, we bloody were. And he said he too was feeling a little steamy... In this cocky, flirty way that had me wanting to drop to my knees, if we're being totally honest here... He continues his little speech, but I can't remember what he said after that, I was quite distracted, but probably something about things burning and he transitioned into the Future is a Foreign Land. In Birmingham, he asked us if we were going to be nice to him because he was new, and if we would be gentle with him. Half the crowd (our side) said no, the other yes, and he told us to fight it out in the parking lot after. He told our side off for being mean. Rude.

TFIAFL is beautiful live. I don't know what else I can say about it, really. Everyone singing it together is such a vibe, and I do love how he changed the lyrics to "2034" to prevent it from being outdated. (although side note: he forgot he was supposed to do that in B'ham..."

We got the Devil Church instrumental as the Grucifix lighting rig raises which is a moment within itself, to be honest. You imagine the that choral singing watching it raise - so simple, but stunning.

And then Cirice. Listen, nothing compares to feeling that guitar riff in the pit of your stomach and just knowing what's coming. I've always loved the way they start Cirice so dark with just the one guitar - It's so ominous and feels like a tease as a builds. It's a song that never disappoints and not only does he cirice someone in the crowd, but the camera picks him up very well too, just like in RHRN so the whole arena can feel that stare... He blew kisses to the people he ciriced, but in Birmingham he chose someone on our side and we could see clearly that he held that kiss for a LONG time before he blew it...

Darkness at the Heart of my Love... Let's just say, my friend behind me leaned forward and said "here we go..." before it started and when it did, I got what he meant. I burst into tears again. That song touches a nerve for me anyway in a very personal way - those lyrics feel very close to home around a loss I suffered when I was young, and so I just sobbed so hard I couldn't even sing. Thank god for @angellayercake squeezing my hand the whole time. It was beautiful.

Then the fucker gave me WHIPLASH by kicking off Satanized. No time to dry the tears, I just had to sing along with the streaks on my face. The crowd shouting "BLASPHEMY!" and "HERESY!" at him... *chefs kiss*. And his reactions to them too! It was like he was curling back from us, feeling that shame that so many people with any kind of religious trauma can relate to. In London, Ryan (photographer Ryan, we love him) got a shot of the crowd and I can just see myself, @angellayercake and @her-satanic-wiles screaming/singing along with our mouths WIDE open. Rightly so, for Papa. (It's the attached photo above - if you know what I look like, you may just find me...)

Ritual is a banger and one that almost feels like it has to be on every tour - it's literally what we're all right there to do. But to scream the prayer along with Papa, with a resounding "NEMA!" at the end? Feels spectacular.

Umbra... Listen, if I'm gonna tell you one thing about Papa Perpetua's personality, it's that he is NOT fucking shy! This song confirmed it. Nothing shy about this man, he literally framed his dick with his hands when he sang the lyrics "I put my faith in you" (I may have misheard the exact lyric, but it's definitely 'I put my ---- in you'). He is horny. And he's a lil' arrogant with it, too... It's hot. He comes up from the stage on the right with a cowbell in his hands, seemingly confused that he's been given this and hands it over to Swiss who kicks off the beat. During the last chorus, he's running around the back of the stage from side to side, and I noticed very quickly that that... wasn't Papa. I turned to @angellayercake and said "That's not him... Look at his thighs!" And low and behold, the thighs, the arms, the chest, were all far to bulky to be Papa. Obviously it was the thighs that gave him away to me. I know them fucking thighs. You think I'm a horny smut writer and don't know what his thighs look like?! Nah. That wasn't him, but he was singing backstage while he was getting dressed in time for Year Zero...

Let's talk about the cassock. Black and purple, yes, stunning, but the motherfucking chrome skeletal detail on the back? WITH A TAIL!? Sweet Satan, that's a fucking cool outfit. I am ashamed to admit that I couldn't help the intrusive thought to shout "WAG YOUR TAIL, PAPA!" - luckily my brain stopped my mouth before I could. Anyway... Year Zero is far more powerful live than you can imagine, if you haven't already experienced it yourself. He walked like a robot again to get to centre stage when he came on, and it just works so well. The mechanical thing? It's very foreboding...

The stained glass in the backdrop shatters at the end of Year Zero, and turns into just a night sky. And then we get He Is... I knew this would feel special, and it truly does. It literally is a religious experience - I can't describe it. Now I know how Christians feel when they sing their hymns and can feel 'the light' or whatever they think it is, because I certainly felt something. Not Satan or any kind of deity as such, more a sense of belonging to a community that understands differences and preaches acceptance.

Rats goes hard. We all know this. I'm not sure what else I can really say about this, other than damn it goes hard. You can't not headbang to that outro, y'know? I must say though, that feels like such a Copia song it was a little odd to see Papa Perpetua singing it. Not that it took anything away from the performance at all, but I could just picture Copia sat in his office muttering to himself about how it's 'his song' and 'his rats' and 'fucking v should piss off and leave his babies alone'.

He does a little speech after this, and in London he asked us if we got what we want, to which we yelled a resounding yes. And then... Oh this bastard... "Good, I'll give you everything you want... as long as you just follow me..." SLUT. WHORE. The intrusive thoughts won and before I realised what I was doing I shouted "I WANT YOU!" which got a laugh from people around me, but not a clue if he heard that, because he was just smirking the whole damn time.

Then he asks us if we want a kiss. Well, duh... And this motherfucker smirks because he knows the damn answer. And Kiss The Go-Goat kicks off. Cracking song, had a boogie, lil' shake of the ass here and there. He no longer cradles Sodo's thigh during the 'daddy' lyrics but points at the fucking crowd like he knows we all collectively have daddy issues. Dickhead (affectionately).

Mummy Dust... Oh you feel that in your taint, you really do. In Birmingham, he did significantly more Mummy Thrusts (and right in our fucking direction too, may I add... I don't know how I'm still alive.) In Birmingham I think he saw that our side were giving him a little more in terms of interaction when he was thrusting, so he did a little more for us? But I can't be totally sure. We just got super lucky to be so close to the front left platform and got a face full of Papa pelvis. In London, I managed to get some Mummy Dust at the end of the show from the security team at the barrier, since we were just a little too central to be in the drop zone, but in Birmingham we were in the right spot to catch a bunch of it. If you're not super close, the canons probably won't reach you, but you can try your luck at the end of the show rooting around the floor or asking security at the barrier.

He did another little speech here which was different in London - he talked about how one of their first shows was in Camden (not him, of course; he made that clear by telling us it was his UNCLE, referring to Primo...), and how London almost feels like a home to Ghost which was very sweet. In both shows he said they had one more song, to which he was booed. I don't remember his response in London but in Birmingham he joked that we were a 'shit crowd' because of it.

I was NOT expecting to hear Monstrance Clock at all. I lost my shit a little in London when I heard it begin, but what a moment to hear thousands of people singing the "come together, together as one..." bridge with the lyrics on the screens with a font comprised of people fucking. Excellent. Very on brand. He's still a very flirty, horny little fucker on stage with this, fiddling with his jacket as if he's flashing the crowd etc.

The break here doesn't last too long, but I remember he said that people leaving here in London 'had the right idea', and we kept yelling we wanted more.

To kick off Mary on a Cross, he did mention this was a song his dad used to sing in Birmingham, but I don't think he did in London. As it's coming to an end, he turns to the back and catches a camera, and in Birmingham I was smacking @angellayercake's arm because he was smiling so damn wide, clear as day on the screens. He starts to do the call and response bit at the end at both shows, but after one "Mary on a...." he goes "ah, fuck that!" and kicks off Dance Macabre instead. That feels like a sibling rivalry moment, like he's shitting on Copia's 'thing' here and it made me laugh so hard.

Now, I mostly remember Dance Macabre from Birmingham and I'll tell you for why. During the second verse, he came over to the left platform right in front of us, and during the chorus I was jumping to the beat but the people in my immediate vicinity weren't, so I was pretty damn visible and probably stood out. He fucking locked eyes with me, and grinned, then proceeded to sing with me as I screamed "ONE LAST TIME IN THE ANCIENT RITE!" back at him. I will never, ever forget that. I thought I imagined it, until @her-satanic-wiles did indeed confirm it. Thank you, you angel. I almost thought I'd gone full delulu but nope, that actually happened.

And then, in Birmingham, we saw the unimaginable. He waltzes over to Swiss, practically kneels beneath him, then rises up to LOCK LIPS WITH HIM. This was not a peck. This lasted. None of us could really believe what we were seeing. Side note: I've heard people on Twitter trying to say that Swiss 'forced him' to (categorically incorrect), or that it simply didn't happen because 'well I didn't see it so it must be fake news'. Honey, I fucking saw everything. It happened. And we're still not over it.

Square Hammer slaps. The ghouls made their way over to Dew since they couldn't do the centre bit with Dew’s ankle being broken, but Papa comes out in a sparkly purple jacket that is just absolutely gorgeous. He's very mobile during the whole encore, trying to see as many people as he can before the show ends I'm sure. It's just such a fucking bop to end on, it feels perfect... The whole backdrop is turned into just the crowd being filmed, fans screaming into the live cameras which is such a beautiful addition especially after what they did with RHRN where they asked people to film themselves at the beginning in the screenings. It's very fan focused, and it feels like everyone there was being celebrated as part of something huge.

And just like in RHRN, he yelled "ONE MORE TIME UP THE POOP CHUTE!" in Birmingham. Iconic.

The final bow doesn't really change, but I remember we didn't get Dew in London (not sure about B'ham) as he'd broken his ankle and had to be helped off stage. He's now in a boot, but still continuing to play with some assistance from the other ghouls to use his effects pedals and move to his spots so he can be in the right place for choreography purposes.

So that concludes my ritual lowdown, really. I'm still absolutely reeling from it, can't stop listening to the setlist and now we're being spoiled with a Peacefields early drop today which makes me so incredibly happy. I had the most wonderful time with friends I've made through Ghost over the last few years and met several new friends too. Queueing was wonderful both days because of the people I was with, the rituals were magical and I'm so fucking lucky to be surrounded by some of the best the Ghost fandom has to offer. London was a much more emotional time for me, being my first ritual. In the car on the way to Birmingham that night, I sobbed to my friends about how much this meant to me, and most of the tears came that night. I had my little DATHOML breakdown in B'ham too, as I expected, but that night overall felt more like a celebration to me, another chance to really enjoy it without the fresh emotion of a first ritual.

I hope everyone gets to experience a ritual at some point. There is nothing like it. You truly feel like part of something so special, and whilst I'm so sad it's over, I'm still riding the high of the most amazing weekend. If you were part of it, thank you, and I love you.

Until the next tour... 😈

@her-satanic-wiles @angellayercake @dolceterzo @bonecloaks @callmemamaemeritus @onlyhereforghost @thew0man @the-goat-nurse-666 @delulluart (thank you for the gorgeous paintings, sketches and prints, I wish I'd been at your ritual with you. Next time!) @thew0man (next time we will fucking meet. Screw the O2's shitting management!!!!)