#I NEED TO GET BETTER ABOUT POSTING STUFF HERE JUST REALIZED I HAVENT POSTED A LOT OF STUFF HERE

[draganaesfrost]

>/////<

[kremlin]

@wikwalker hi sure yes anything to give me an excuse to procrastinate the post i should be writing right now. here are all teh drugs and how to manage them. you can trust me, a drug addict

first of all: https://www.erowid.org/ , erowid always

don't be afraid of drugs, if they're the right drugs, you should do them since they will be a blast regardless and overcoming fear is also good (but outside the scope here)

OK to do as much as you want: alcohol - social benefit greatly outweighs health effects, no reason to avoid if predisposed to abuse since that'll happen sooner or later. what can i say? don't be a fucking dork. when you start drinking, really overdo it as much as possible without dying and get a few real nasty hangovers under your belt so you know how much is the right amount to drink.

weed - innocuous enough to be fine but will make you stupid in the long term. make sure to only buy from a real drug dealer and never some legal institution. cut it out when you're a "real adult". don't smoke weed and watch TV routinely, go out and do things so you naturally grow to hate it. good to go through this as early as possible to minimize the time you spend as a cringe weed enthusiast

i guess those are the only two.

ok to do infrequently (annually): "lsd" - or whatever it is, probably not lsd, blah blah blah, if it works and is sold on blotter its fine and won't make you go nuts or whatever. opt for a better psychadelic imo. see psych rule at bottom of section

mushrooms - better than acid since you know what they are. rule of thumb is to always do more than you think you want. minimum 1/8oz. see psych rule at bottom of post

dmt - if you somehow have a dmt hookup you don't need to be reading any of this. lasts 10 minutes which leads to tendency to way overdo it, don't do this, my favorite webcomic artist is permanently crazy from exactly that. using a crack pipe is also not the uhhhh most dignifying-feeling thing to do either. it's harder than you think.

mdma - for use at electronic music event or rave. overuse causes brain lesions or something.

coke - wait until you're in your 20s, have maxed out your roth IRA for a couple of years in a row, and havent missed a car payment in a similar timeframe. better still if you've worked a very shitty low paying job and know the value of a dollar. if you still find yourself buying candy you're not ready. too expensive to be worth it to get hooked on. know that you are VERY ANNOYING to anyone who also isn't high. don't fuck around with the guy selling it to you. avoid discussing or thinking about business ideas. you can't afford to make it a habit + kinda turns you into a piece of shit after a while, but at least a very interesting one

ketamine - another sick drug that rules, but save it for a special occasion. don't try and go into the k-hole your first time

rule for psychedelics - you get one good strong trip a year and that's it, make it count, always opt for doing a bit more than a bit less. but don't make it a habit, otherwise you turn into a very stupid very annoying "hippy" style cliché and believe in ghosts, aliens, crap like that.

ok to try once prescription opiates/benzodiazepine (xanax), valium, this kind of shit - worth trying so you can go "holy shit, this stuff is way way way too good to ever use responsibly" and then never do again. especially if you're white. for some reason we just can't handle this shit. if a doctor prescribes it to you, idk, that's your call to make.

ayhuasca - this is just dmt in a different form. do some other psychadelics a number of times before you do this. once you realize the whole "substantial visual hallucinations" thing is made up, its time. do exactly this: -buy root online (legal). receive box of dirt -boil dirt into "tea" (read erowid for exact recipe) -take over-the-counter anti nausea medicine or anything that will give you a stronger stomach -drink tea (its nasty as fuck, get it down quick) -have someone bigger than you keep an eye on you for the next five hours. -have the experience, which is absurdly intense, has no bearing to the real world, etc etc. don't be a bitch and throw up, if you do it'll only last an hour or so. again there is no way to provide a consistent description of the experience except that you will meet god. you only ever need to do this once and never again. trust me

peyote/salvia/etc - try em if you want, you'll never ever want to again afterwords. these are drugs for idiot teenagers too lame to get real drugs. imagine being very very sick from poison and utterly terrified at the same time. No good

whippets/nitrous oxide - just find a dentist that uses it and don't bother creating hundreds of pounds of trash on your floor for this crap that lasts ten seconds. you have to understand the extremely short timeframe coupled with the cost makes zero sense. go to a phish concert parking lot and do some people watching -- you do not want to be these people. only use is as a motivator to get routine dental exam. also if you somehow manage to make it a heavy habit your fucking legs stop working, no shit, but they start working again once you quit.

don't ever do heroin/meth/pcp - is is truly a mystery why you should never do these 🙄

synthetic weed/k2/shit from the gas station - it is so funny that they sell this as "weed that won't pop you on a drug test". its not weed. it is some dubious chemical sprayed on yard waste. smoke it to have a terrible time and go nuts. only buy drugs from legitimate drug dealers!

kratom - anyone's guess as to why this is legal but it's heroin for pussies. its still heroin

dxm/cough syrup - do you ever wonder why it is exclusively teenagers robotripping? it's because it sucks ass. is like a cheesegrater on your brain in terms of health effects with repeated usage. you're better than this king

inhalants - these are at the bottom of the list for a reason. do not huff gas. don't huff paint. do not consume computer duster. not fun + fastest way to make yourself a complete, uh, (word i can't say anymore) and then dead

not listed quaaludes- unavailable due to no longer being manufactured. these ruled apparantly

sincis2c - unavailable due to not existing, i just made this up

amphetamines - cannot provide objective take here. they're my albatross, lifelong (posted 4:55am natch)

[butchfortress]

realized i havent posted here much so, umm,

who wants to hear about my blu team headcanons ^__^ this is just my rundown of how they work, what they're like, and even weapon loadouts

ok so im going to roll with the teams being clones, but i dont want to make any sort of drama to be just about that, like that whole existential dread of being a clone thing. its been done to death and i have nothing new to say for it (besides, i'd assume the inital cloning process was years ago when they just got hired, by now the novelty would of worn off and weirder stuff would of happened for them to even care or worry about that.) so what i'm thinking is that there's no way everyone would have the exact same experiences after they get cloned, so everyone just splits off into their own paths and they become their own individuals almost. and interacting with themselves from the other teams isnt "oh thats literally me :(" but more so "oh thats literally me and i need to be better than him >:(" so theres always this bit of competition between everyone; an infinite loop of anything you can do i can do better.

as for everyone individually...... (i'll also throw in a ⭐ for whoever is the "master copy" of themselves)

blu scout: short stop / mad milk / stock bat

accidental honorary delivery boy. when miss pauling is busy with the actually important work, admin sends this scout around the teufort area to send out weapons and other mann co. products. red scout sees him as a bit of a poser poster child and they butt heads often, especially when red scout is off-shift while blu is making deliveries.

blu soldier: rocket jumper / b.a.s.e. jumper / market gardener

if not maybe a bit more of a conspiracy nut and more compliant to the company, i guess the most similar to his original version? can't beat perfection i guess, not a lot of notes here but they probably bite each other for fun.

blu pyro: decreaser / shotgun / neon annihilator

not visually different or note worthy either, but whatever she and red pyro have is unspoken, vicious, and brutal. they will tear each other limb by limb anytime they're in proximity. definitely another reason that fuels most of the team's fear towards them.

blu demo ⭐: iron bomber / scottish resistance/ nessie's nine iron

strategic, cool, and a bit of a schemer. a real master at his craft with sticky bombs and planning traps. red demo actually likes him but blu HATES him since he (red) got the eyelander and he (himself) didn't, so he's very bitter towards him (wow this is confusing.)

blu heavy: tomslav / family business / eviction notice

goes missing from base a lot, no one knows why. he seems to be doing illegal assassin work both inside and out of company payroll. both heavies actually are in contact often and blu gives a good chunk, if not all, of what he makes to him. i'd assume any of the clones visiting anywhere outside of the immediate tuefort area would be problematic and would have restrictions to prevent two of the exact same person from walking around in the world at once, so blu heavy lets his other self take it so long as it goes directly to his mom and sisters. if he can't visit them personally, at least him knowing they're stable financially and doing well is more than enough for him.

blu engineer ⭐: rescue ranger / wrangler / wrench

the dell conagher, enough said. he's the most in contact with admin behind miss pauling for her own purposes. he'd rather not think about his red counterpart, but i will say that this version does not have the gunslinger. that was all red engineer post-cloning. but he does have the only australiam tool between both teams so it balances out maybe.

blu medic ⭐: overdose / vaccinator / solemn vow

he thinks hes dr fritz ludwig from emesis blue 🤣🤣🤣 tries VERY hard to be a cold collected scientist but ends up being more neurotic and jumpy. screams a lot. actually maybe dislikes his team? and loathes his own red copy for actually trying (who btw (red) is having a great time knowing his existence is an abomination to god, its even an affirmation he tells himself in a mirror.)

blu sniper: huntsman / razorback / kukri

ironically one of the few blu team members that actually stay put in the base. he doesnt call his folks as per aforementioned restrictions, but he has no beef with his red counterpart for that. the worst they do is get extremely competitive; theyre at the top of their game and even have stand offs of just aiming for hours until someone flinches.

blu spy ⭐: revolver / black rose / dead ringer / red-tape recorder

the man, the myth, the legend. more carefree and unserious than red spy, thats partially because he doesn't know about scout's relation to him. red spy found that out post-cloning, he's missing that one bit or character development that makes him a more mature and cold mercenary, but at this moment he's none the wiser. so aside from expected spy vs. spy shenanigans, their conflict is a bit more deeply rooted. he actually visits the red base a LOT, to only a few people's knowledge. makes a lot of long tangents.

[ghostsandfools]

this is a vent post, y’all dont gotta respond or anything, im just writing it out here cause i already vented to my partner once today and writing in a diary is too time consuming for me right now

I dont like eating anymore. Things always go the exact same way. I only like a couple of foods, and then we run out of those foods and my parents wont buy me more so i judt dont eat until i get them again, and then when i do get them again i get so scared that someone else will eat them before me, and i end up trying to eat as much as possible. And im kinda tiny, so technically i dont even eat that much but it feels like so much. One meal can take me an hour cause i keep taking breaks. And then after, i feel tired and full and yucky and awful, and i get scared cause i have emetophobia and i keep worrying about getting sick. And i know i shouldnt eat that much but i do anyways. I havent gotten sick from it yet but the thought of it happening makes me wanna cry. I know it’s not healthy, and i hate that i have to struggle with this because i usually know how to deal with this stuff. Life has thrown a lot at me, and ive learned how to manage my mental issues so i dont end up hurting myself. Im usually the one that other people vent to, ive even been helping my partner with their eating issues, so i hate that i cant stop myself from this. I dont like it at all. Im hoping that its gonna go away over time just like everything else has. I used to self harm and i really struggled with that for a while too, but over time and with a little help from a friend i was able to stop that. Maybe this will be the same way… theres not really anything i can do about it. My doctor noticed i was underweight and suggested maybe i should get eating therapy so i can stop being so picky, but that was months ago. I dont know if its gonna happen. And i cant talk to my parents about it cause theyll say some dumb shit about how praying is going to help or how i just need to get better at eating and its not that hard. Cause thats exactly what theyve done every other time. And im stsrting to realize im gonna have to learn how to be there for myself the same way im there for others.

if you did read all this, dont worry bout me. I know that was a pretty depressing little paragraph, but writing it out has made me feel a little better. It’s easy to give people advice, but i have trouble following my own advice sometimes, and thats something im practicing. Im glad that i realize the issue, because at lesst i can work on it. Thats the first step. I think ill be alright.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Made it through chapters 13-18 today and I wanted to start this one off by mentioning something that I noticed a while ago but neglected to mention here so far, which is that Feyre uses Ihr/Euch when referring to Tamlin and I think Lucien and even Alis as well (Ihr/Euch is the Formal You thats used to refer to nobility (as opposed to the more common Sie/Ihnen which is the Formal You used in others contexts)), while Tamlin and Lucien refer to Feyre by du (Informal You) and Alis refers to her by Ihr/Eugh as well. I wanna try and keep track of when Feyre starts to use the Informal You for Tamlin because its a small detail but it always signals a pretty big shift in the relationship in german-language media and I think its really neat

Anyway, now onto the other stuff; i remember that I complained about the pacing feeling very slow in my first post and I would like to say that thats gotten a lot better, at least on the level of individual scenes. When it comes to the story as a whole though, I feel like its moving unnaturally quickly. Like, its a little hard to describe but Feyres character development and her warming up to the fae feels like its happening in chunks rather than a smooth, natural progression. The fact that SJM's writing is incredibly unsubtle isnt helpful either, it just makes the unnatural-ness of it all stick out that much more. I wouldve definitely needed atleast one realization of "Oh, these guys arent that different from me and the people I knew in my life" from Feyre before she started warming up to them and feeling sorry for Andras' death because as it stands, her feeling guilty felt very sudden

While the fae are still dissappointing overall and I despise the horrible What-if-America-colonized-the-British-Isles ass layout and the exposition was clunkier than ever before, I did like all the non-high fae fea creatures, the Suriel and the Bogge in particular, its truly incredible how interesting SJM's writing can be when shes not too focused on the most generically handsome basically-human-except-they-fuckin-growl-and-roar men

Speaking of those men, I continue to find Tamlin pretty charming although hes definitely definitely not my type, my type are pathetic submissive easily flustered guys, but given that this is a book by Sarah J Maas a guy who actually has hobbies outside of fighting and fucking might be all I can hope for. Despite that, I like Luien a lot more and I find his relationship with Feyre far more compelling. Like, him giving Feyre that dagger telling her not to stab him in the back with it was absolutely lovely, not mention his incredibly interesting family drama. Like ughhhhhhh whyd SJM decide she wanted to subvert expectations by having Feyre end up with Rhysand when Lucien is literally right there. Although granted, I think a large part of the reason I feel that way is because Feyre and Tamlin havent really interacted too much in almost 200 hundred pages while Feyre and Lucien have spent a decent amount of time alone already and its a little baffling because its not like Feylin have absolutely no time together, its just that we dont really see it. Like, we dont see their almost nightly dinners and its really frustrating because Im not even someone who really enjoys this kind of bland cishet "dark romance" thats popular on booktok, but like, whats the point of a beauty and the beast retelling where you dont see the beauty and beast slowly get to know each other. Its even more frustrating when I remember that like a quarter or maybe even a third of this book is gonna be all the Under The Mountain bullshit, like you know you can just tell a smaller scale romance story in a fantasy setting without a big war right

[subway-boss-jericho]

Hey all! Announcement stuff!

Thank you to everyone who has been very patient with me. I swear to god i could turn into one of those Ao3 authors thats like "hahaha sorry i havent updated in so long i died and then came back to life and then i had to work 7 jobs" and im being so fucking brave about it!! ANYWAYS THATS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!

Tomorrow is the 1 Year anniversary of steady tracks chapter 1! 🥳(and also my birthday. yes that was on purpose)

So! I wanted to give you all some updates and stuff to look forward to because oh god it sure has been an entire fucking year since I uploaded stuff and I refuse to feel bad about it but my brain is trying so hard to make me! I am working on chapter 2. Progress has been terribly slow because of severe life events, thank you for your understanding.

So!! What's next? Well, over the summer I am really fucking hoping to finish chapter 2. I know I keep saying this but literally i stg. I'm going apeshit. do you know how hard it is to think about something for an entire year and never have the time, motivation, or energy at the same time to make it exist?? fucked up!! Before that though, I have a few things.

I TOLD you all that I would talk about an AU of mine, whichever was highest voted in that strawpoll I did, and then surprise i fuckin didnt do that. I would very very much like to do that! The problem, I realized, is that I operate super hard on a reactionary basis so I am not prone to talking about anything that is mine until prompted about it or given permission. Fucking, Wack. This is my house. I should be cringe and free but nooooo. Anyways, because of this, I am planning on doing 2 things -> Actually tell you guys about spirit keeper! You all voted for him back when, and especially with that ✨Fucking, Gorgeous✨ commission from Fronomeeps I got (for me birthday :]) I really really really want to do that. And post my art more. and shit like that. seriously i need to get out of my head or I'll explode. someone needs to scream about how cool these stories are with me or I'll dissolve. -> I am thinking of doing a day long event where I stream an Aggie/(Magma?) where I draw my AUs and let people hop in to join in (as long as it stays on topic!) as well as answering as many asks as I can about my many aus and basically setting you guys up to trick me into infodumping. Because let me tell you i have a year and a halfs worth of words in my head and i am 100% confident ingo and emmet enjoyers would really like to hear them. So I wanna do a big ask party Q&A and really get things rolling!! Hopefully with drawings and doodles involved! as a celebration for myself, and as a way to open up to the greater fandom (Please leave a comment if you think that sounds cool, I'm trying to gauge interest because if i went all out and no one showed up it would be Extremely Depressing!)

ON! THAT! TOPIC!!! I am actively (literally interspersed with as I am typing this) making a UQUIZ about all of my significant AUs. For the record, there are 23 results on this quiz. I currently only have 3/23 final results completed, but it is my active focus over the weekend to finish as many of those as I can to try and complete the entire thing within a week or less. Also poking at my phrasing here, when I say my significant aus I Mean It, I have more than 23, but these 23 are the ones with stories tangible enough to start somewhere and elaborate on. I have about 10 that I would consider my main AUs, but some of the smaller ones are huge sleeper favorites.

SO YEAH!!! PLEASE LOOK FORWARD TO THAT AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!! I really wanna do fun stuff and get to know people in the fandom more than just. that person who wrote 1 chapter of a cool fic that one time. I have so much more to offer and I struggle so much to offer it. Please draw me out of my shell, I wish to enter the fandom sphere 🥺

thank you for giving me a great year <3 ((and hopefully the next one will be better <3))

[hetheyshe-remade]

i realize i havent actually explained much about my in-progress webcomic project yet so ummm some info under the cut. i can get a little wordy when talking about this stuff so srry about that

so the current name of this project is The Umbra Saga! it's a fantasy comic with it's own magic system, mythos, and political history! in the umbra saga, the main continent of Staterra is split in two by two kingdoms: the Kingdom of Noctius, taking up the northern portion of the land, and the Kingdom of Auroria, the south of the land.

The comic takes place a decade after the Capital of the Kingdom of Noctius was seized by the Kingdom of Auroria, by their new queen, Queen Lucielle. There, King Lune was slain, and Kingdom Auroria looked to rid of the king's only child: Prince Umbrian. However, the Prince and his Knight had been able to escape the kingdom that day and have remained in hiding up to the beginning of the story.

After years in hiding, Umbrian and his Knight, Sacha, come upon a familiar face: the former Princess of the Kingdom of Auroria, Vividi. After meeting with Vividi, she posits the idea of forming a rebellion against Queen Lucielle and reclaiming the Kingdom of Noctius from her hands. As the two consider this idea, the location of their home becomes compromised by a bounty hunter, and their adventure starts off at a running start!

it's a story i've been working on over the last several years. initally planned as a comic, then a book trilogy, then once again a comic

as of right now i don't have anywhere for anyone to pre-follow updates or anything other than my blog :') but i'll keep a tag about it and if i made a dedicated post or smth i'll add links to it once i get closer to actually posting it.

right now i'm pretty much done the writing/planning portion and just need to get drawings out. once i finish doing the rough draft for the first arc, i want to get the first few chapters finished before i actually share it so there's a nice backlog for positing online.

hope this piques some curiousity! always feel free to send me asks about it. i'll reblog this with the main characters later i think just to talk about them / give an idea of what they're about yknow? once i finish some nice art i'll make some better posts with those

oh! here's a logo thing preview. it's a work in progress but i think it gets the idea across

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

i mean yeah sure then it’s fine lol i just think in general it’s funny that there are a lot of people who take ed’s trauma super seriously and then say in turn ed gets to make fun of that time a dude called stede a plague and a disease yk.

i mean tbh i havent seen that happening much, and i havent been aware of ever doing that myself (altho maybe i have without realizing it, idk). most of the Stede Trauma that i think would be incredibly unfunny for anyone on the Revenge to ever joke about is the stuff from his childhood. the rowboat incident or the shit his dad would say to him is, like... Not Funny, no matter how healed from it stede is.

bc that's the thing that i did try to make clear in my original post: ed "bullying" stede would happen way after the healing has taken place. and tbh i dont think the near-death experience of that whole night is the part stede will need to heal from (he got over the first badminton death after one episode, he got over being stabbed and hanged no problem). the two biggest things for stede would be the guilt of hurting ed, and the whole "plague, monster, defile beautiful things" speech. and i think the first one would be resolved sooner than the second one, bc the second one is an issue of things stede's been told about himself his whole life, his image of himself that he's barely even begun to challenge.

and i didnt actually have ed making jokes abt badminton's speech to stede in my post, but. i can actually see a way they would both be comfortable laughing abt that—bc for me, making jokes abt my trauma is usually how i know im actually doing better. if that's not a way of processing trauma that you're comfortable with, that's fine! this headcanon might not be for you.

but for ME i think it would be funny if any time stede is like "alright ed i have to go take the morning watch" and ed's like "nooo stay here in bed" and stede's like "i'll be back later, my love." if when stede gets up ed rolls over and glares at him through sleepy eyes and growls out, "stede bonnet... is not a human." and stede laughs and kisses him on the forehead while ed keeps glaring. "you're a monster, a plague," and stede is like, "i know, darling, i'm simply awful."

and obviously the “you defile beautiful things” bit in the context of ed being like “ooh stede baby i want you to defile me~” is like, a no-brainer

[phantalgia]

9/4/24 - COVID is scary

Yeah, I’m scared. It's very coincidental that as soon as I start a blog, I’m developing Long COVID...again. I know these symptoms very well but there's also something different about them.

The Long COVID I initially had gave me tachycardia, dizziness, lightheadedness, brain fog, a cough, soon afib, eye artifacting, shortness of breathe, nausea, some nerve pain, and I went to the hospital because of it.

This is different yet the same. The tachycardia seems like it's trying to come back but only goes up to 95 BPM. It still makes me dizzy, lightheaded. But this is just worse. The nerve pain is intense, the pre-syncope is intense, the nausea is intense, the shortness of breathe is intense. There's this feeling like something is stuck in my chest making me short of breathe and have irregular heartbeats. I feel feverish and sore all the time. Shaky all the time. My post surgery stuff is worse.

I’m worried that this will only get worse from here before it gets better. I hope I don’t develop afib again. Luckily this time I’m on heart meds, they might need to be stronger but we'll see. I have a doctors appointment at 4pm. I havent slept yet of course, I’m stuck in my head.

Needless to say I don’t fucking feel good. I’m miserable and I’m scared. Am I screwed here? My doctor doesnt think so. I know he doesnt think so and believes i'll recover in 2 years time. But does any of this change anything. I already had long Covid before. I had a surgery and now I got Long COVID 2 electric boogaloo.

Just got to tackle this I guess. I’m alone...I don’t really feel connected to my family at all. So i feel alone in this. And even if I didnt id be comparing myself to someone else. So I don’t win either way. What a stupid thing comparing yourself to others...even with comparing on who's more screwed than you. Like what's the point? I’m just venting...

I spent the night just kind of listening to music...and thinking about things. All the little mistakes and misses. Coming back to haunt you. The fake imaginary person I made up to make me feel better isnt real and I hate realizing that.

I’m in so much nerve pain it's insane. And being sad about the past doesnt help. But here's the place to dump it all.

I think I’m angry...like all the time. I might be more angry than sad. I tend to bottle things up. There's not much of a place to let things go when you need to. Even if it repeats over and over and over again.

I should probably be more productive with these entries. I’m not being that self reflective. Just...complaining. I’m complaining about what I messed up on and yeah that's kind of the point but there isn't a reconciliation I get out of it.

It just seems to be complain. And wait until I get the next thing to complain about and complain again. Well it's definetly not an overnight process so I should probably give myself a break. It could take years.

Anyway to the past friends and people I screwed over, I miss you all. I hope you’re doing well. To the childhood I never had, leave me alone. To the people that denied how I felt, I forgive you.

My head hurts....I’m done for the night. I don’t think i even said anything of substance here. Just a word salad. I don’t feel satisfied at all. But i don’t know where to go from here...I think the hauntology music and weirdcore art I’m looking at is helping.

I just realized I could have talked more about loneliness and my attempts at trying to cure it or allieviate it. Another time...

[tricotea]

okay !! i havent posted anything over here in like ages !! but i've been knitting a lot !!!! this will be like a project overview post for my camisole no. 9 by my favorite things knitwear .... mostly just so i remember what i did and whats going on... it's not finished yet but when it is i will ... probably post pictures?? idk. i always forget about that part.... alright probs long post under the cut...

okay tbh who knows when i started this but as of right now i have just finished the double/folded hem on the bottom... it's going good so far! i like. so i asked a knitting discord group whether i should knit the cami no 5 or 9 as a first ever knit garment and they all said neither bc the gauge is really fine. and well they were probably right. well but i had already bought the yarn so cami no 9 it is... I guage swatched with 3mm needles and didn't like the fabric, it was pretty gappy. started knitting it up with 2.5mm needles and it's a lot better now ! the stockinette for the body kinda flew by it went a lot faster than i expected... i tried it on like twice throughout and each time i like. i just need to get better at/better yarn for taking my work on and off the needles because it was a little rough at times. the folded hem OML the folded hem it didn't take as long as i thought, BUT it took me a while to get the hang of it. first off: i need to get sewing thread that is a larger contrast to the yarn. second i need to get better at threading stuff in bc oml. the first time i did it it was a mess. the second time i got it all on right, but acciddentally cut and tied it off when the yarn was bunched up on one of the needles so i couldn't actually use the needles to knit it 😭 it was like impossible and there were a bunch of knots in my sewing thread so i just gave up and cut some of the thread so i could actually knit and freeball it when i had to go pick up stitches. well that was a bad idea. looked at a tutorial for how to do it and i completely messed it up and make a bigass diagonal line on the side of the cami before realizing. had to rip back a folded hem which ive discovered is very difficult. oh for the hem i went down to 2mm needles... eventually i just stuck some more sewing thread in there and figured it out... although i'm still not 100% sure on which stitches to pick up... is it the ones below the thread? above? and how close to the needle? at one point i kinda just said fuck it and picked up whichever one looked right, and so now part of the hem is super bunched up from when i realized no actually there is a method to this and had to fix it lol. excited but nervous to start the neckline, but i wanna get this done before it gets too cold !!!! happy knitting :)

Quick info-

needles - 2.5mm bamboo for the body, 2mm metal for the hem

size - M

yarn - knitting for olive cotton merino in dusty banana

[colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl]

Sorry Been away. Here's a random doodle I did a few weeks ago. I promise to get more art out.

Computer's been like all my electronics having alot of issues based on age. But I finally got my art program up and everything's set to go. Should have a few posts in the next week or two. Just have to help my folks out with a house project they have.

So where have I been at lately???

Also guess I'm doing more work for them, there's a few projects they need my help with. Again for those again don't know I am an only child (now adult I pale thinking Im about to turn 31) who helps take care of my disabled mom alot of the time. Shes been disabled my whole life and often I've had to move my life to fit around that (included having to often limit my activities so I could help around the house), even had to come back from University. But it's all out of love and respect for them. I may complain sometimes but it's just the stress and worry as I know my parents are technically elderly even If I refused to see them as such and I am taking care of their house on my own which can be overwhelming at times.

My mom officially has a cane now. But luckily her knee pains gone (apparently Frankenscense is really good for pain [not endorsing just didnt know it was used for that, thought fun fact!]). So that's a plus.She found something to work for her pain so there have been a few good days. Just her emotional state can snap sometimes due to health and it's harder for me to be on days like that as I need to care for her or myself and my emotional state die to it, having never had anxiety before it's a whole new ball park learning curve on how to handle what I was used ti (trying to navigate her bouts when shes like this is dificult).

So I never know one day to the next if her health is good or bad. Sometimes it's so debilitating for her, you'd expect a terribly hard few days for her, only to wake the next day and shes on the floor clinging, moving around bending limber as ever and cheerful. So it's a uphill down hill rollercoaster I never know what it's going to be. But it's worth it, and she fully understands I have projects and havent been able to regularly post lately due to her health issues and moments. But yeah if anything I want to ensure my mom lives healthy long as I can so she comes first in my life. I realized after a conversation I should have said something on here.

Due to that I can't usually give an update knowing if it's good or bad with her. I'm trying to do better as I get closer with this and posting more regular updates. I just, I pray her health improves and God let's us get all the work done, the stuff I need to help her with and need to do on my own.

....

I may post the full doodle... but I just liked this angle the best.

I took images of it at various angles and this one I really liked.

[scribblescrabbledepartment]

idk if its bc im just shit outta energy or bc ive been disappointed with recent efforts (or if the 2nd is a result of the 1st) but i like. dont even wanna try to draw Actual Good Stuff these past few days i just feel like Doodling

[mercur1e]

Helllooooo

Soo I just saw you're headcannons are literally 💞💞

It's lowkey the only thing keeping me safe and alive ✋😌......soooooo can I request Gom + kuroko and kagami (if it's to much you can just doo Aomine, Kise and Midorima and akashi)where they accidentally hurt their s/o feelings pleaaseeeeee..... I need some angst but please end it in fluff (cuz i lowkey cannot handle it)

Please take care of yourself, your health always comes first, I love youuuu ❤❤❤

Ofc love! I hope you're doing well and I love you too :) <333

Akashi

He disregarded your hard work :(

You're trying to start your own small business and you're having a little trouble, which is not unusual that happens sometimes!

You were having trouble hiring employees and you were talking to him about it, and he was in a bad mood prior to you approaching him

"You're not going anywhere with this. It would just be better to give up on it. You're not going to make it that far even if you do succeed. And can you leave? I'm busy and all you're doing is acting as a distraction."

You just froze, you couldn't believe what he had just said

Not only did he know how much work you were putting in, he also knew how excited you were for the future of your shop too

You didn't even say anything, you just froze with shock, hurt, and surprise and stomped out of his office

You left the house, you needed some time to cool off and cry

It took Akashi a second to realize what he had said and how hurtful his words were, so he started looking all over for you in the house. He goes into the garage to see your car is gone and he assumes the worst.

You don't pick up the phone when he calls you or answer his texts, opting to turn it off after the fifth call.

You stay by your best friend for the night and they comforted you and told you he probably didn't mean it, and that you can stay as long as you need

After you leave from by your friends place you go to your favorite cafe for some breakfast

And guess who's there, Akashi.

You turn around and walk out because you were honestly not ready to deal with him just yet and it was too early in the morning for all that

He catches you on the way out and apologizes :)

"Love, I apologize for what I said yesterday. It was inconsiderate, hurtful, and wrong. You've been working so hard on your business and you're doing your best to make it happen. I was in a bad mood yesterday and I dont know what came over me. Will you forgive me?"

Looking you in the eye as he spoke every word, holding your hands and rubbing them, you know he was truly sorry and wants to fix what he did.

"I forgive you Sei, but what you said was really hurtful. You know how much this means to me and how much work I've been putting in. But I do forgive you."

He takes you out to eat at your favorite restaurant and watch a movie afterwards back at home, kisses you tons and holds you in his arms when you fall asleep.

He also puts in a good word with his work associates about your business and you gain more employees and popularity! But unless you want to do it completely on your own he's there supporting you every step of the way and giving you advice :)

Midorima

He acts like your affection is kryptonite, even though you're not a clingy or overly-affectionate person

You guys had been together for about 3-4 months

He always brushes you off even at the most simplest acts of affections, you're starting to really question if he even wants to be together.

Well this particular time he embarrassed you in front of the team :/

There was a break in between practice and you went to give him his water bottle and give him a hug

"Hey Shin he's your water bottle, don't work yourself too hard okay?"

After that you went in for a quick hug but he held a hand against your chest and glared at you

"Why are you always so clingy? You're always on me and its annoying. Can you just leave me alone or leave?"

He said that right in the middle of the court, everyone's eyes were on you and you felt embarrassed.

"...alright."

That's all you after said you shoved the water bottle into his hand and walked out of the gym.

Takao was the one to call him out on his behavior and tell him that he was being rude and that he should apologize

Midorima took that advice and after practice, he went to find you and apologize, except you weren't anywhere he checked or thought you would be

You avoided him for 3 days straight until he arrived at your house unannounced

Your lucky item in his hand, he gives you a well deserved apology

"Y/N I- I'm sorry that I was being rude to you. There was no reason for me to act like that and I haven't been appreciating you like I should. That was rude of me and I hope you except my apology. Also- this is your uh lucky item."

He hands you a plushie :)

He gives you hugs and reassures you that he appreciates your affections despite him not being used to it!

He also got an extra lap at practice from Miyaji lol but he decided not to tell you that part

Kise

Is very busy and it's sometimes hard to make time for you :(

And you also couldn't show him affection in public or be around him because his fangirls would throw a hissy fit

He hasn't been answering his phone and he can't really get that close to you at school so you've been feeling left behind

When you finally managed to catch him, you said you wanted to go out and just catch up because you two haven't spent much time together and he agreed

However Kise forgot about the plans and you were waiting at the restaurant, alone.

You went home that night upset, tired, and wondering if you even want to be in a relationship anymore

You stopped texting him and talking to talk to him at school, not that you even had that much time to talk to him and school anyway

Kise had realised a whole day later that he had forgotten about the plans you two had made together

He took off from work the whole week, even though his manager was mad about it and went off to find you

He found you at a park after school and approached you with flowers in his hand

"Y/N baby I'm so sorry I forgot about our date. I can't imagine how you must've felt and to make up for it I called the whole week off! I'm really, really sorry that I havent had time for you. Do you forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive you Kise I'm just really hurt that you stood me up. You knew we hadn't spent alot of time together and I was really hoping to catch up with you that night. But I'm just happy you're here."

He takes you to a concert! Your favorite artist was in town and he bought tickets for the two of you!

The whole week was filled with fun, love, and lots of conversations :)

He promises to make more time for you and be there for you whenever he can!

He also posts you on his socials and shows you affection at school, showing his fangirls that he's not for them, but for you and they can go away of they don't like that

Aomine

You feel like he doesn't put any effort into the relationship

It's always you doing everything, it just gets tiring

He doesn't really make an effort to do anything, like plan dates, hang out, or just spend time together

He also uses basketball as an excuse to not hang out with you when you already know he's not at practice

Like if you want alone time man just say that

So you had planned a date for you two, nothing big just going to the movie theaters yk

He cancelled last minute, saying Imayoshi was forcing him to come to practice

It was a sunday, they don't have practice in sunday

You talked to Momoi as she is a close friend of yours too, about how you feel like you're the only one making an effort and that you feel like he doesn't want to spend time with you

She tells you to confront him about it, so you do

The next time Daiki comes to your house you ask him about it

"It just feels like I'm the only one putting work into the relationship and I feel like you're avoiding me. You make up excuses to not be with me and bail on me last minute...do you even want to be with me? And if you do want alone time just be upfront about it, don't give me terrible excuses or flake out on me."

Aomine honestly didn't know you felt that way

Now that he looks back at it, it has been mainly you doing most of the stuff in the relationship, and he can see why you feel like it's only you trying

"You're right, it has been mainly you doing stuff for both of us. I'm gonna start putting in more effort because it's time I do. I'm sorry that I've been making shitty excuses to not hang out with you, and cancelling all of a sudden. I'll be honest when I don't feel like going out and I'll spend more time with you."

He makes it up to you by taking you to a festival and going to see a movie with you

True to his word, he starts putting more effort into y'alls relationship and you two take turns planning dates

And if he doesn't feel like going out you guys have at home dates instead :)

I know this took a little longer than usual, I'm sorry for the little setback. Hopefully you like them! Thank you for requesting and feedback is appreciated! Love you <333

[cinnamon-bunni]

fun fact: i wrote this all while listening to Positive ☆ Dance Time on loop :) also this fic, which i made quickly in one night, is so much better than my first chapter of my other fic (and the second one too lol) (also this was not reread even once soooo there will be mistakes but oh well <3) i also wanna say this probably takes place between chapters 3 and 4 (both i havent written yet haha ^^;) so i'll probably post this onto ao3 then. just so yall know timeline stuff lol anyways, hope y'all enjoy it <3

Word count: 1.5k Warnings: idealization of suicide

When Kim woke up, the first thing that greeted him was darkness. The second thing was a headache. A horrible way to wake up, but as something Kim was familiar with, he stopped caring.

In an attempt to sit up, his head tried to kill him. So, he went back down with a thump. And not a soft one either, since the couch–because he was on the couch, not his soft and comfortable bed–was more wood and springs rather than cushion and sponge. It made his back ache, in a way that made him want to scream. But alas, he was too tired to, and instead closed his eyes in hopes of falling back into a blissful sleep. It wasn’t going to happen, Kim knew that, but sometimes he liked to cling onto small hopes.

It was silent for a while. Kim almost believed that maybe he fell back asleep, if it weren’t for every part of his body hating him. His throat was dying for water, his head was throbbing, his skin was prickly and felt fake as it rubbed against the shitty fabric of the couch, every single one of his muscles ache, and his brain wanted to turn off and never turn back on. Maybe it would be better if it did just turn off. Then at least he wouldn’t have to deal with days like these.

Turns out, hangovers made everything about a hundred times worse. But that was Kim's fault, wasn’t it? He made that choice, and now he had to deal with it. That’s just how the world works, Kim. He could just hear his dad’s lectures in his head. It made him want to throw himself off of a cliff. And he thought about it, and it didn’t seem that bad of an idea. The world would keep moving either way, no matter if a cockroach like him was at some bar getting drunk or drowning in a river. As long as it was something that would kill the noise in his head, then he didn’t care.

The front door opened. The loud creak announced someone’s presence, and it made Kim squeeze his eyes shut. The action made his eyes hurt, yeah, but he really didn’t want the possible light to pour in and force him to face the world. He didn’t want to, not yet.

“Ji-Ho?” Oh. He didn’t even realize his sister was here. It made sense though; it wasn't like anyone else had access to his apartment. Her voice was quiet and soft, unlike her usual pissy tone she used at him.

Right. Hana. His sister who wrapped up his bloody knuckles after getting brawls or just beating the shit out of punching bags while drunk. His sister who rolled him onto his side after officially passing out. His sister who dealt with his shitty living style and shitting apartment for the summer without much complaint. His sister who always tried to make his world brighter, even if she was bad at it. His sister, who seemed to care about his well being.

Kim forced his eyes open. It was hard, but he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but light was effectively blocked out with the curtains. Some of it still snuck in from underneath the short curtains, and it hurt to look at it. He really should just get used to it by now.

“Ji-Ho.” His sister spoke louder now, probably expecting an answer. It made him wince, but look at his sister.

“What?” God, his voice was so hoarse. He really needed to get something to drink. 

“Don’t you have work today?” Kim furrowed his brow. He probably did in all honesty, but that didn’t explain why he drank so much when he knew he had work. Maybe he just stopped caring. That seemed to be a recurring theme. 

Oh well, wasn’t like he was gonna go now. He’d rather die than step foot into the WVBA. He didn’t even think he could take a step outside of his apartment, much less get in a good set of work clothes, get his ID, and deal with the idiots down at the association. Maybe his sister could keep him company.

Hana then turned on the lights, and Kim wanted to do nothing else but kill her. He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes, but the damage had already been done.

“Hana,” he groaned, falling to lean against the arm of the couch. “Why would you do this?”

She scoffed, and he could hear her eyes rolling. “You’re so dramatic. Maybe if you drink all the time you wouldn’t be having these problems.”

He grunted at that as a response. He listened as she moved what sounded to be plastic bags, and opened up cabinets. Maybe she went shopping–it was something he knew he needed to do, but always ended up pushing it further down in his to-do list. Maybe now they could eat proper food, like canned soup and frozen pastries. 

Kim, by using every bit of his willpower, pried his eyes open. His eyes took forever to adjust to the harsh light, but he tried. He listened silently as his sister put away what he could only assume was groceries, and focused on how horrible his muscles and body felt.

“Are you still taking me to the match today?”

Huh? What match? Kim didn’t remember there being a match. “What’re you talking about?”

“Don Flamenco’s match!” she exclaimed, as if it was obvious. She slammed a box of chocolate Pop-Tarts on the counter and spun around to face him. “You promised me that I could watch all of Flamenco’s matches in person!”

Oh yeah, he did, didn’t he? He even bought all of the tickets. He didn’t remember that last part, though.

“And I have to go and watch today’s match, because he’s going against Little Mac! I need to see how it goes down in person, Ji-Ho!”

Honestly, Kim wanted to see that for himself, too. Watching Don Flamenco get his ass handed to him by some seventeen-year-old kid would be hilarious. And it would be a good enough time to take a quick detour to buy another pack of cigarettes–he was sure he was getting low, and he hated the feeling of a light box in his pocket.

But also, the idea of going somewhere that was packed with screaming fans made him feel sick. He didn’t want to go into a stuffy room filled where he would sit shoulder-to-shoulder with people who cared too much for some dumb sport. He hated the idea of getting up and forcing himself to go somewhere.

“Can’t you just go by yourself?” She was sixteen, Kim was sure she could handle it. She didn’t need a chaperone to follow her around. She really didn’t need him.

The stomp she gave made him flinch. He hoped the downstairs neighbors didn’t mind some good ol’ ceiling shaking caused by his sister. “What? No fair! You promised you’d go with me!”

“When the fuck did I say that?” No way did he actually make the promise. He never makes promises he knows he won’t keep.

“You said so when I first got here! Now c’mon–it doesn’t start until a few hours, so you have plenty of time to sober up or whatever you need to do.”

God, he didn’t want to go. He wasn’t going, he just couldn’t. Kim knew he was weak because of it, yeah, but the thought of going made him want to pull his hair out and walk into the ocean.

“I’m not going, Hana. You can go yourself.” Oh, now she was angry. Her face was actually getting red and everything.

“That’s not fair!” she yelled. Jesus, was her voice always that shrill and loud?

“Don’t really see the problem,” he replied with a shrug. “You get to enjoy a boxing match that has Don Flamenco in it without me hovering over you all the time. You should be ecstatic.”

“But-”

“Tickets are on my dresser,” he continued. “So don’t forget them when you leave, yeah?”

“You’re horrible!” He shrugged off that one, too. He felt numb to it all. Maybe that wasn’t a good thing, but it made it easy to talk to his sister.

He didn’t even realize that she left until the door slammed. Kim hoped quietly to himself that she grabbed the tickets–he knew she’d regret it if she didn’t. But he didn’t care enough to check.

Now that he was back to being alone, Kim ended up laying back down. He wouldn’t be able to sleep, not on that horrible couch and with his back problems, but closing his eyes felt nice and relaxing.

He knew she was looking forward to it. He knew the WVBA was probably trying to make sure his position was being covered. He knew a few of the boxers were probably wondering where he was. But Kim couldn’t bring himself to care.

He just didn’t care.

[knightartorius]

wwdits 4x1 countdown!

the long post where i document every day until wwdits returns on july 12! all 60 days of misery, pain, hardship, love, joy, and innocence all in one place. why did i do this you ask? ………………..

60:

WWDITS ANNOUNCED NANDERMO REAL WE WON YES. YES. JULY 12 SAVE THE DATE. YES. YES. YES wwdits is upon us soon. i feel nothing but joy. WWDITS WWDITS YEAHHH

59:

The excruciatingly long wait until July 12 has hit. It’s starting to look dim. I am unsure if I will even live to see it.

58:

i started this on day 59 because i needed a way to get the absolute amount of soot off my heart from the 60 day wait and it is STILL day 59 as im writing this and i just cant wait til day 58 to say that im fucking dying. i cant. and theres going to be another wait for ofmd eventually and oh my goddd. im such an impatient person and i cant. its currently day 58 and i am watching flight of the conchords to cope

57:

i have decided to watch one critical role episode every day which will occupy about 25 days worth of my time. this may vary with school and summer break but i need a distraction. i am rewatching ofmd for the first time in a little while. this is terrible… i have school today as well which is stunting my coping abilities. not good. havent once been able to focus on anything because my head is just critrole ofmd wwdits on repeat i am dying… my critrole pacing is also already so off, im on like episode 4 and i shouldve only finished 2 or something like that. but i cant help but have the cliffhangers resolved

56:

day 56 has begun, and im starting to realize how fucking long this post is gonna be. and how long the wait really is.. obviously when you think of 60 days as 2 months it feels like not all that long, but when you break it down into days, and hours of days, thinking each time you update this post and whatnot, it makes it feel much longer. in better news, only 3 more days of school left!

55:

this being the last week of school might be slowing down time. it feels like the longest week on the fucking planet… after days 57-53 this should be smooth sailing. anyway speaking of school nobody is taking this shit seriously anymore, nobody is here and ive just been playing minecraft in class

54:

unsure if im now behind on critrole because i had to spend hours working on a “group” project from complete scratch due at *checks watch* 11:59 because my partner ghosted me… i also have another project due at *checks watch* 11:59 today and i wont be getting home to work on it until 8. this is pretty great idk. why did all this stuff fall on the last week of school im more stressed than ive ever been on a “chill week.” maybe if wwdits was back itd be better

53:

IVE BEEN SO BUSY ALL DAY RHAT I TOTALLY FORGOT TO UPDATE HII.. SCHOOL ENDED TODAY!! i finished me projects and all…very proud of myself for getting through this week kinda ok? forgot to add yesterday that in class we wrote letters to ourselves as graduates in english and i mentioned both ofmd and wwdits… more than once like they were plot points..loved writing it too. but yes summer is officially upon me!!!!!!! yeah baby

52:

first day of summer has sucked. woke up far too early (who wakes up at 7 in the summertime like the sun hadnt even risen) and now im sick..life is pain quote the nun

51:

so i absolutely underestimated how sick i was gonna get towards the end of the day, to the point where i only have a very hazy memory of the entire evening.. but its 1 am and i woke up from a nap i presume and i feel a lot better now. definitely a few days behind on critical role too, havent had any time to watch in between being sick as FUCK and school. we are almost through the first ten days of the wwdits wajt though!!!! im so excited im also getting a new phone today, ive had the same one for 4/5 years now and shes starting to be a little shit so. GOT THE NEW PHONE! (iphone 13) it is so smooth and the camera BUMPIN… it fits in me hand nice too. lord how i needed this baby. i also watched 25 minutes of morbius too, and its..absolutely unwatchable so i turned it off. i cant even watch it as a joke

50:

TEN DAYS DOWN!!!!!!!!!! the impossible task is starting to look…possible! in fifty days ill have the pleasure of saying…nandermo is real. but for now, all i can say is nandermo will be real in 50 days. im also starting to feel a little better? my throat is still killing me though. the one issue i have with this phone is that “autistics for otori emu” use to fit perfectly in one line of text but now its like

AUTISTICS FOR OTORI

EMU

and its kinda ugly. ill never change it though

49:

LOVE AND THUNDER JULY 8…july is gonna be a big month for taika god damn anyway I CANT WAIT!!!!! i wanna see this movie so bad….AHH.. also lowkey been inactive at the moment. not sure why

48:

watched the lighthouse last night, it was lowkey gay porn but i loved it. certified really good movie. anyway, im in a movie watching era of this countdown. except i watch like 1 movie a day every night. tonights is everything everywhere all at once! im very excited i hope i cry. didnt cry but still really enjoyed the movie! i wish they took a more “you dont have to forgive your parents” approach, cause they kinda just ignored the fact that evelynn was the one who broke joy, and her breaking joy fractured her in every universe… and like yeah joy was able to heal and forgive but she shouldnt have to forgive her mother just because she saved her. a lot of people with trauma have it in our brains (especially those of us with parental trauma) that we have to forgive our abusers and media rarely ever empowers those of us who are unable to simply forgive and forget, and this movie had the perfect opportunity to do that, but in a sense im glad they didnt also

47:

its morbin time. not really anything to say today, but its been cloudy for the past week and im wondering when im gonna get to see the sun again. the countdown is smooth sailing otherwise! OH WAIT ive been playing life is strange true colors and its been..fun?? idk ive also been playing the sims for fun again too which .. it has been ages since… i have a “legacy” going kinda but the first gens story is pretty fucked up so im just having fun with mods really

46:

kissed ryan and its the only choice ive been 100% confident about in this game. i love ryan. hes my one true love. they dont make men like this in the real. im also gonna retry watching morbius im obsessed with this movie + my bff is graduating today im so happy for him

OKAY MAYDAY THE WWDITS EPISODE TITLES JUST RELEASED AND. WE ARE 95 DAYS AWAY FROMA “The Wedding” it could be nandermo. it could and im scared (KITE FROM THE FUTURE: its not nandermo nandor is marrying a woman??)

45:

these past 5 days have been going so fast im scared. too fast almost. in like 30 minutes were gonna have wwdits 4 like it was nothing. also rewatching morbius second night in a row because my friend wants to watch it with me. hes morbing out oh my god oh shit. okay we ended up not watching morbius but i watched wwdits (2005) and 1) taika hot 2) the montage of people calling them fags is so..timely idk. but for everyone who always says “ah nz is so progressive” and acts like conservatism doesnt exist there and idolizes the countrys politics… reality check please. 3) taika hot like all the letterboxd review are about his hair and shit and yea i agree completely. but i made a post to my instagram story and tldr it was about how the wwdits franchise kinda encapsulates the changes in perception of queerness throughout the 21st century and honestly its one of the most interesting aspects to me while consuming all wwdits content

44:

hunt for the wilderpeople is a movie that i watched that broke me a bit. i didnt cry or anything of the sort but god i loved ever second of it. how will i live. anyway i think im officially over the ofmd grief but rather im shocked that the show still hasnt been renewed..not in like an awww boo hoo but like..what the fuck is hbo doing (KITE 3 DAYS IN THE FUTURE HERE: THIS IS SO FUNNY. THEY WERE WAITING UNTIL PRIDE MONTH)

43:

watching both top gun movies, was inspired by flight of the conchords. will be back. ok i only watched the og top gun but i did thoroughly enjoy it, and damn that movie is beautiful if nothing else + american psycho. and american psycho i loved a lot. also if youre wondering why im watching so many movies its a summer goal of mine to watch a lot of movies because i notoriously dont like movies as an artistic means and have watched like barely any movies proportionate to my lifespan and im trying to change that. i still dont like movies really but…oh well im glad im using this to watch some good films. my letterboxd is kite4444_1 if you were interested in seeing my ratings (they are wonky…and 3 means i liked/enjoyed it btw)

theres also a meteor shower tonight (allegedly) so im sitting outside at 1 am viewing the sky, ive seen 1 so far so dub! rare once in a lifetime experience in the wwdits countdown

42:

i really dont know how to break the meteor shower stuff up but its 1:30 am so its officially day 42. i saw 4 big meteors, a lot of little guys, and 1 orange fella so i consider this a big win.. i also just enjoyed sitting outside and watching the sky, i should do that more often honestly. literally did nothing today! W

41:

its pride month! happy pride month. also one month closer til wwdits..dub OH MY FUCJING GOD I JUST GOT THE NEWS. YES. YES. YES. YES OH MY GOD YES YES YES YES YES IM LITERALLY CRYING IM BESIDE MYSELF WITH JOY AND EVTASY I CANT oh my god i cant wait until i have an ofmd countdown god is so fucking real best day of my life nobody understands my joy rn GOD im crying so hard incant i cant i cant i just cried so hard IM CRYING AGAIN it’s definitely been like an hour or something but i cant think. i cant feel. hello #BestDayEver

season 2 requests:

1) bearded stede. dgaf if rhys says he cant grow a beard hes lying

2) jim and jackie romantic interactions… i read the vico interview and when they said maybe jim will find someone else during their separation to olu…my mind went bonkers

3) mary gets many gfs and they are poly and in love. doug is also in the polycule

4) izzy, jim, lucius, ivan, frenchie, fang need to be BESTIES. BFFs4L. and izzy and lucius you already know i want them together idc

KITE VS RAINBOW CAPITALISM: RAINBOW CAPITALISM WON

40:

ANOTHER TEN DAYS DOWN!!!!!!! YEAHHHH soon there will be no time left.. what the hell! pride month really is off to a great start and im ecstatic.. still not over the sheer high of ofmd 2 announcement but it also makes me fear season 2s existence. BUT GOD I CANT WAIT UNTIL I HAVE ANOTHER COUNTDOWN entiled “Ofmd 2 countdown” its going to be glorious and im going to be fucking FERAL. FERALLL!!!!

39:

watching muppets treasure island and ofmd season 2 looks CRAZY… anyway im watching this because apparently black sails has prior reading and i was not watching some old movie or the novel so muppets treasure island it is. i also need to stop writing these entries early in the morning (it is 1:45 am) because it throws my rhythm off..in better news though its all been good, im going to the beach tomorrow oh fuck it just hit me im going to the beach at peak ofmd fixation..its going to be all i think about NEVERMIND ITS ONLY FRIDAY I THOUGHT IT WAS SATURDAY? not going to the beach tomorrow cause we leave sunday im an idiot

38:

god i cant wait to go to the beach i need it. no pirate bullshit but i need to be one with the sea its been over a year since ive been there gah…my mom keeps being weird about it but you will not ruin my fun beach adventures!! i will walk for miles in one direction listening to music or something or talking to myself without a care in the world because i am one with the oceanside. i will cry for no reason walking my dog and thinking wow. this is what stede wouldve wanted. i cant wait to spend the next 4 days pacing with the sand between my toes as i ponder season 2 and what explorations of heartbreak means for each character. i will cry

also im on episode 3 of black sails and this shit is DRAMA??? like ofmg i was not ready also what is the ofmd/muppets treasure island/black sails pipeline because ive seen multiple fans with muppets treasure island profile pictures and how did i manage to fall down the same fucking hole

37:

BEACH DAYY!!!!!!! i cannot wait til we get there holy fuck [ x ] <- pics here! i also went and updated the layout of this post so ideally its easier to look at i REALLY need to stop writing these at 1/2 am because whyd i wake up and learn we aren’t even going until wednesday and my mom isnt even sure we can get reservations..if i dont go to the beach ill die like actually ill perish

WAIIITTTT WWDITS TEASER DROPPED [ x ] oh my god?????? this is the most unhinged the show has ever been and i cant wait

36:

nobody told me black sails was gay…like super gay this is insane. everyone is bisexual and they were so real for that. anyway im very much enjoying watching because the drama is real

also wwdits poster..wow 2 days in a row theyve been giving us content also renewed for seasons 5 & 6?!?!? idk why i had it in my head that season 4 was going to be the end but YES wwdits is goijg with me to college W…also on that note its crazy to me that ofmd and the like arent going to be finished until im in college…wow…im getting old

35:

we are almost halfway through the wait! god damn the past 25 days have felt almost nonexistent but regardless… beach tmw!!!!! for real this time. and as i said i will be at peace. i always thought if they were real id be a mermaid. and ill probably reincarnate as a lobster or something of the like.. i am one with the sea

also ever since that article about taika being a failure or sellout or whatever (i didnt read the article) made the typo calling jemaine “jermaine” i have carried the torch. he is now jermaine clement to me

34:

beach day beach day beach day… i cant wait for this “getting-to-beach” arc to end because this has went on for far too long… anyway, im gonna finish black sails either today or tomorrow and wow! what an adventure. the worlds longest origin story. i have enjoyed every minute of it!

33:

i finished black sails! also here are those beach pictures i promised [ x ]. other than that this trip has so far been pretty uneventful (not saying it will ever be eventful) but i am enjoying the sea view

also rumor has it ofmd season 2 should be airing around june/july of next year which is so insanely far but also very close. its also going to be insane comfort for me after i graduate i can tell +£~£

32:

going on a bender of listening to old 90s alternative rock songs i havent heard since i was like 10. and i still know 97% of the lyrics to all of these songs… my music taste has come a long way really. hot take though i dont understand why people bend over backwards to defend bjorks racism because her music is not even that good?? what is the appeal here. let her go

31:

havent had much to say recently but today is my last day at the beach… but now we are for real for real close to reaching that halfway point… i am quite geeked if i do say so myself

30:

WE ARE OFFICIALLY HALFWAY THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHYHHHHHH BABY its been a long ass thirty days but im sure that its going to go by fast now? also because we seem to be getting a lot of random content (not just for wwdits but yk).. im quite ecstatic. i cant wait for my silly little tv show

later tonight i have a music listening event with my friend and i have to choose 5 albums for us to listen to and so far i have and otherwise i have zero idea

jyocho - the beautiful cycle of terminal

イツエ (itsue) - いくつもの絵 / many pictures

ABBA - voulez-vous

never mind apparently! it was supposed to start about 2 hours ago and im like 80% sure im getting stood up! oh well. i say oh well because im a bit used to it but also im fairly upset because i was really looking forward to thissss ahhhh

29:

getting stood up aside i think im sick AGAIN???? i think ive been sick like 50 times this entire countdown but also i have like 5 chronic illnesses and so it could be one of them. besides i feel bad but not too bad so ill live

i woke up with a super weird tender rash on the palm of my hand and???? what the hell. god is spiting me now that the countdown is on the downward path

28:

nah not sick but i was not feeling hot yesterday. im very excited though because my broccoli plants are looking very healthy after the trip (i was a bit worried theyd fucking die) but they are taking to the environment quite nicely. on the contrary i planted SIX cucumber plants and they are taking over my entire garden like a goddamn parasite. i dont even need tgat many cucumbers why did i plant six oh my god. also my onions should be harvestable soon… if youre wondering what all plants im growing: cucumbers broccoli red pepper onion spinach & carrots. very nature over here

also i am plugging flight of the conchords as one of my albums..! pay me jemaine

27:

DIDNT UPDATE AT ALL TODAY??? but omg my cucumbers were ready for harvest and theyre HUGE. i also started a worm bin today and i had to collect 2 worms on my own i hope they enjoy having sex and shitting for me but yeah. this is a beautiful thing. overall a great day i very much enjoy getting gritty in the garden

also fun sketchful.io night with my friend and now we have official plans to meet irl come january!!!!!! fat fucking double you

26:

do tumblr posts have a word limit…i feel like i mentioned this before but it comes more of a growing concern every single day. otherwise its a good day except me waking up to my dog having a seizure because i overslept my alarm for giving him his meds. in case you were wondering hes completely fine just a normal hiccup

also bios dont have a word limit either do they.. also layout change! i changed the color yesterday but today i moved the rant bio to be under the cut because i just cant part with it

25:

watched thor ragnarok so im officially up to date for love and thunder. i love korg no im not biased but also everyone who was like thor and bruce have serious couple energy are so right its such a shame he wont be in love and thunder. the “rom com” aspect with jane peter and bruce would be so hectic but also so good?!!? havent been hyped for a marvel movie since endgame im so excited

introducing a new conflict: me trying to watch fotc live in london without paying for hbo max. this has been an uphill battle and i signed up for the apple one free trial which gives me free apple tv and they said they had live in london on there BUT NO IT REDIRECTS YOU TO HULU AND HBOMAX. now you may be thinking “just sign up for hulu free trial” BUT HULU DOESNT HAVE IT EITHER WITHOUT YOU PAYING FOR THE HBO ADDON!!!! also i tried literally every pirating website i know and nothing. i feel like im fighting a goddamn war just to watch live in london idk

ok update: its currently 2:55 am and i found it on the pirate bay but obviously thats a torrenting thingy so tomorrow evening im going to relearn how to torrent so i can watch it. also last time i downloaded utorrent it absolutely wrecked my computer, managed to uninstall it but its still fucked up but oh well! anything for fotc

adding onto an already incredibly hectic log, i ended up not downloading it today because i didnt feel like getting out my laptop charger. it was one of those incredibly lazy days. but man if theres one thing this post is gonna do, its gonna make me realize how much of my summer i am spending RELAXING. its well deserved and this is my last high school summer so i should definitely waste the most i can because ill never get this again, but like.. come august the regret is gonna be reallllll….

24:

another day of completely forgetting to update this! im getting back into terraria and that has kept me mostly entertained all day. im so bad at it but i used to be cracked (kinda. i never got to hardmode cause flesh but)

to add, i have a 4 day streak going of eating toast late at night. the first 2 days it was tuna on this asiago cheese loaf and these past 2 days have been cinnamon butter on sourdough. very real

23:

days are flying by! wow. but my sleep schedule is so off it’s ridiculous. but today was even less eventful than yesterday, except i think im finally in my terraria groove and i even beat the eye of cthulhu + i wanna fight skeletron but like, i have no idea where his temple is and ive went so far in both directions

22:

i have whipped cthulhu’s ass thrice. he doesn’t even stand a chance! but i did attempt skeletron and got whooped so hard it’s ridiculous?? did they buff him since i last played like 5 years ago. also attempted the eater of worlds twice for some scales so i can make demonite equipment and CHRIST i keep having like sensory overload. also sorry for making three consecutive short posts where i exclusively talk about terraria but that is all im doing so we! will! have! to! deal!

also sometimes its so hard to tell if i wrote already. like i have no recollection of writing today but i think i did??? did i????

21:

21 days? THREE WEEKS?? three weeks ???? three weeks!!! i really am so excited. also i might be going to see lightyear soon with some of my friends who i haven’t seen in like 3/4 years! definitely not the most hype movie we couldve went to see but idc chris evans keke palmer and taika are all in there and thats all i care about. mm

I DREAMT ABOUT S2E1 of ofmd that they like released episode 1 early and it was so funny. i don’t remember much about it but stede and ed werent in the episode at all (but blackbeard was in the last like 15 minutes of an hour long episode, but i didnt even watch that part because of dream logic) and i don’t remember much at all but someone was in a white void with john silver. a completely different show. and they had to complete some kind of bullshit puzzle it was great the rest of the dream was mostly on the deserted island with the rest of the revenge and jim was there too but hell i dont know it was such a mess

also i never mentioned it but i watched guns akimbo like 2 days ago and jesus christ i haven’t recovered. the pacing never slows down and its balls like the movie is hot balls but it was so insane that like. i havent recovered

20:

TWENTY!!! FORTY DAYS DOWN WOWZA. that’s literally insane. its doggy bath day for me so im bathing the dog and he hates it but boo hoo stinky dog. maybe dont pee on yourself so often

also the plans are saturday!! i cant wait. and these are actually definitely go through so WWWWW

TRAILER DROP!!! WE GOT IT. POLYAMORY?!?! YES!! excited. thats all i can say

19:

time to get a little sad and vulnerable. got out of the house for the first time in awhile to go to my nana’s, she passed in late february and we’ve been working to sell the house and had a cleaning crew finish everything up before contracts were signed with realtors. and it was hella gutting seeing a home that has so many childhood memories emptied…or gutted i guess you could say, and today is the last day i’ll ever step foot in that house and it’s literally crazy. i dont regret not going up there as often as i could or anything but it is quite a sad conclusion to come to. it was a pretty productive day too, and im proud of myself! especially because ive been conscious about my productivity, motivation, and the like. so yay!

18:

i regret updating the tumblr app so bad..its so ugly now and theres so much to look at for what..i also woke up to some of the worst news imaginable for us americans, and like…idk

17:

yesterday was rough but i cant wait to see my bsfs so good vibes. great vibes even

it was fun!!!!!!!!!!! lightyear was..bad? it was very mid. but taika…so thats better. i gave it a 2/5 on letterboxd and the extra star was for taika so. but i feel so relieved i get to see them again because it really has been so long.. none of us have seen each other since we were 14!!!!!!!!! now we’re basically grown?!?!?

also ive been watching greys anatomy trying to catch up (for japril) and this show is so good but also extremely garbage… what do you mean deluca got stabbed in between episodes?? also these topical covid episodes are so tired and this is only episode 7 of a 20 episode season. if this whole season is covid themed ill kill myself because ive already heard the same spiel about feeling isolated and lonely and whatever. like yeah, everyone watching knows that, we all lived through the worst of it and have to deal with an unfinished aftermath. im so glad i waited to watch this because if at the high of the pandemic i tuned into this shit id be so over the show. but im attached to these characters and the neverending drama. im eating the tom and teddy stuff up!!!! i do want them to be together, i love tom and he deserves teddy. i quite like owen too and i feel bad for screwing him after he put in so much effort to make it work for teddy but thats exactly it. he shouldnt have to put up with her bs anymore (i like teddy too but girl)

16:

bored out of my mind.. so bored. thats all i can say today. bored.. i think im gonna force myself to start drawing again because i havent in months. i was in a bad burnout after art class so yk

15:

GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15!!!!!!! but KORACICK AND JACKSON LEFTttttt…. you can understand my pain. obviously it was for a good cause but goddammit!!!!!! ill miss you tom.. gone but never forgotten

14:

its day 13 but i completely forgot to update. it skipped my mind completely. i can’t remember anything that happened yesterday but teo weeks!!!!! two weeks left

13:

day 14 was an absolute blunder on my part. i knew missing a day was bound to happen eventually but man. that shows just how uneventful my days have been. i redownloaded genshin and this game is so boring even though i have all the inazuma and chasm stuff to do…but i hit 698?k with childe ult and that. makes me happy! back when i was into the game i was on a road to 1 million and this gets me about 7/10 of the way through…. im not p2w too so

I DISNT EVEN SKIP DAY 14. IM SO CONFUSED RN. YESTERDAY WAS DAY 14. IT IS DAY 13. god im such an idiot but im not going ro backspace any of this… late night phone call watching sing 2 and i got my best friend to watch some ofmd with me!! we are up to episode 6 but he fell asleep and i am so tored. also rsd is so awful like i love this show to death and when he doesnt laugh at something i want to cackle at i feel like im being stabbed brutally in the stomach? pretty sure hes enjoying it though. i feel glee! but the best part comes when i get to talk about every interview ive read, the story of how rhys was casted, because ive already had the honor of sharing tidbits like izzy canonically being the one who put the bows in eds beard in e5, and rhys taking sailing lessons while taika couldnt even read blackbeards wikia page… autism won today.

sing 2 was also an absolute blast, my friend asked if the little koala dude was voiced by the “guy who plays eddie from ofmd.” i was deeply confused, turns out he affectionately named stede ‘eddie,’ and no rhys does not voice buster moon. matthew mcconaughey does and he isnt even kiwi……. also i am like a rhys detector because that man is the voice of my conscious. it was a really great movie tho, like bono was in there and ??????? i love the sing franchise

12:

HAPPY JULY!!!!!!!! we are so close now. 1 week until thor, 12 days until wwdits, 4 months until greys anatomy, and about 1 year until omfd. its like everything is happening soon! also maybe i should stop thinking about time passing in my life relative to media i enjoy… but also it makes me happy. i watched boy (the taika movie) and that was another banger. taikas best talent isnt directing its finding insanely talented kids. boy is tonally similar to hunt for the wilderpeople but personally it lacks something in comparison? if i had to guess its because wilderpeople builds on family dynamics in a positive light while boy explores parental idolization and its wayyy too relatable at some points. its still a great film though 4.5/10 on letterboxd

11:

I think i counted the days wrong…? and now im weirdly confused and scared because it’s currently the 2nd and this is day..11? meaning this will end on the 13th as opposed to the 12th. this is so fucking scuffed and im not gonna edit anything i just have to live with my mistakes. maybe i really did miss day 14 though. im so confused?????? what happened. what went wrong.

anyway WE FINISHED OFMD TOGETHER!!!! he is not an izzy fan and im glad. hes also a jim/olu supremacist which like…yeah so true? now i just need to get him to watch wwdits and everything will be solved in the world probably

10:

TEN DAYS!!!!! (actually 9.) or maybe this is accurate but it goes to like 12:00 am july 13 which doesnt really count

anyway 5 am thoughts: been thinking about boy again and its growing very fond in my mind. i think letting the ending sit with me was for the better and i love this movie a lot more now (and i already loved it lots.) how cute

9:

watched mysterious skin and damn. in life youre either a neil or a brian and i am a brian so hard. nothing really remarkable to say today

8:

I DIDNT EVEN FUCK UP THE TIMING… the issue is that i always update this at like 5 am the next day and it throws everything off for me.. otherwise its the fourth of july i guess? nobody really celebrates this holiday anyway. its an excuse to grill and set off illegal fireworks and nobosy is thinking about the revolutionary war… also a bit of a rough time sociopolitically in the usa rn so. extra bunk holiday… i fixed up these star leds that have just been hanging on my wall for like 2 years and it added so much ambiance i love how my room looks now! its great

7:

forgot to update again except this time 2 days in a row hahahahahahahaha i was writing out the july fourth thing yesterday but got distracted and it never saved. i pulled itto today though!!!!!!’ im so happy but rest in peace to the next banner because im definitely not getting whatever character is on it. genshin is occupying my brain again and i dont like the inazuma lore but the characters have grown on me (mainly people i can associate with ayaka because shes one of my favorite characters all time) but others still have the personality of like a wet rag (cough raiden yae kokomi and gorou) IF YOUR FAV IS ON THAT LIST, FIGHT ME! id like to be proven wrong honestly! i want to like the characters! otherwise ONE WEEK! ONE WEEK! YEAH YEAHHH

6:

thor tmw!!!!! yeahhhhhhhh

that being all i wrote today tells so much. burn out isnt really the word because that seems like a real big overestimate but i am a bit exhausted of updating this, especially when i have to rack my brain for things to write? and i feel like im letting myself and others (despite me talking to a brick wall with this post basically) by not providing any interesting content in here. like that span of me playing terraria. how boring. and recently it’s been similarly dull. but luckily we’re coming to a quick end to this timeline with only a big 6 days left!

5:

its also a real struggle to scroll all the way down. thor today! thor soon. 2 hours until thor! yay. but also woke up to some terrible news that my dog *COULD* have cancer, we wont know really for another 2 weeks and then we wont know for certain until after a biopsy. sucks like shit though, that dog is like a brother to me. but…thor! thor is getting me through this

ITS SO GOOD. and say what you want taika did put gay sex in the marvel movie. korgdwayne forever. i cant even begin to comprehend how much i enjoyed that like tis so real. i am biased i am. but also i dont care what cishet people have to say about this movie. the queer rep was there and frankly its all i ever wanted/ask for

4:

OOPSIE DAISIE FORGOT TO UPDATE AGAIN. yesterday was fun. thor is my whole brain rn. thats all

3:

3 days left is so crazy. like this has been 58 days of sheer insanity and its coming to a close.

late night/early morning thoughts: im in such a prison built by internalized ableism and i know unmasking is possible but i never see myself able to escape this endless fucking nightmare. i want to be unashamed about all my autistic traits but its unbelievably difficult.. and so many people who i love and who love me don’t really know me even if they talk to me every single day because i barely know myself because of how far buried he is. and so thats another thing ill have to deal with

talking about anything is so difficult for me to do. crossing the barrier of mentioning anything im watching or reading is like climbing mount everest especially to people i havent known basically my entire life and its so awful? i wish it wasnt such a struggle to be. even when im not talking and if im just thinking about a hf/si i feel so awful and like im failing and i cant take much more of this. any of it, the shame, the self deprecation, anything

2:

SAW TOP GUN MAVERICK FINALLY!! im so glad i got to see it during the countdown its definitely part of the character arc ive went on throughout this post. what a tonal shift from yesterday also but wow only 2 days left! ive seen so many movies now… all i think of is movies anymore…. but its been a really good span of days recently i feel like summer is finally looking up! and soon wwdits is gonna be back with us like wow!!!! so much to look forward to im very excited. im always fucking excited for anything and everything. woo!!!

1:

what can i say that hasnt already been said, what a fuckin journey this has been and its soon gonna come to fruition. and also what a better way to send this off than I AM SICK AGAIN. thats the spirit of the countdown really. today is a chill day and tomorrow im gonna rewatch the 2014 movie for vibe reasons but like. im so happy and proud. wooooooo!!!!!

also i love walking around the house and hearing ra ra rasputin blaring loud on the tv cause the wwdits trailer. it makes me happy but im also remindes like oh shit this show is on cable tv. weird feeling? havent watched a show on cable in so long

0:

ITS OVER. THE WAIT IS OVER! i said most of the “sappy” shit yesterday but now its all official. im not gonna keep this going in between weekly episodes as a cheap way to keep this going. its over today. TODAY! gonna rewatch the movie in a bit probably just to get in a really vampiric mood but also the moon is full tonight iirc? what a coincidence (probably)

Well folks. thats the end there! just watched episode 3 so its exactly a week after this countdown so i think its a better time to write the conclusion, because its weird that it just cuts off. but there isnt a conclusion cause i already wrote it on days 1 & 0. see you next year when ofmd s2 is announced!

[arvoze]

btw in lieu of disease deactivating her tumblr + deleting her shit attempt at a callout on me & my friends + putting a stupid “if youre here to stir up drama please leave” on her TH as if being a groomer and compulsive liar is “drama” here’s ermmm. well.

deleting your attempted callout on me won’t mean a thing when i have a logged dissection of the whole doc to refute you so! have fun trying to hide shit LOL

this has the majority of her attempted callout on me logged but is missing parts w/ images in it   idk if i have them anywhere unfortunately. im only posting this so it’s logged somewhere accessible x

everything in quotes are direct copypastes from her document. each sc will have the exact thing copypasted right underneath it so sorry if it feels repetitive

lewis:

Before I begin this callout, I wanna start off by addressing some things that will be said during it. Back then, I was not in the right mind frame I needed to be and shit talked a LOT. I said some things about others that were never deserved and I regret them to this day. A few people who I have done this to either have forgiven me or I have simply let it stay in their mind for when they are ready to talk to me. I have already grown up from this behavior and have made myself into a better person than I was years agp. Because of this,, I want to address behavior from other users that were never addressed.

i dont think this in particular needs to be explained since she's very, very clearly still pent up about shit and shits on people all the time. the sheer amount of hate she has for me is just really weird at this point and she takes any chance she can get to shit on me in particular and it's just. you haven't changed? you're still the manipulative, lying shithead you've always been and even your ""best friend"" says you haven't changed after years so. fun! [00:36] "you are a good person" is actually a very common thing for her to say during issues tbh

XX [redacted name]:

It's so irking, and we are no longer friends of any sort, that's the end of that for sure.

lewis:

Back in 2018-2019 (Whenever), I was shoved into a Call out post by the user ColorCodex ( Also known as Pongo) that discussed all MY shit talks but never about the real behavior of some people that need to be aware of. This callout of mine was deleted when Pongo came to realization that the call out was petty on their end and didn’t really display anything other than a typical 18/19 being a shit talky idiot on the web.

pongo is the former owner of the server that you've joined, which i now own -- pongo has actually told me that she regrets deleting the callout, especially because she's lost all of that stuff now, and really can't stand anima anymore. i'd have to dig a little to find it, but also (havent fully read what pongo said in the screenshots) pongo and i are currently close, and oftentimes when we dm it's me giving her comfort and advice when she asks for it. so uh, i don't think pongo has any issues with me xP

I also would like to publicly say that a large portion of my proof is missing due to the fact I couldn’t get the people who saw any of this to actually cooperate and help me make this document. Only a select few did and it really shows how messed up this fandom is becoming.

lewis:

afaik she's never came to anybody who i know about anything, otherwise we'd have been made aware. i wouldn't be surprised if she was picking and choosing within her own circle, which is very, very small. there's no indication of the fandom being messed up; just that nobody wants to talk to her in particular since most people know she's full of shit by now.

This is a Callout on Arvozephyr/Lewis, Si-ko/Russelspacecat and a few other members of the Keroro Gunso community.

this is a very weird statement from her. and by that i mean, "russelspacecat" was never siko's name, it was russelthespacecat, her former tumblr url, and my tumblr URL (arvoze) was apparently not listed. but my twitter is listed and siko's isn't? plus siko's tumblr URL changed way before she made this doc (going off of icons in screenshots) so idk why she wouldn't have put the effort in to get that right 

XX:

I think she's trying to hard to make it seem like yall are villians and trying to list all the socials

lewis:

This will be a big topic to cover so lets start off with the small portions. I met Lewis around 2017 or 2018, We met on Artfight and a Keroro gunso Amino when I was giving away free old adopts. I want to point out that His Orikero, Takaka, is an OLD adoptable from me. He refuses to credit me for the character as whole because he ‘Redesigned’ them. I haven’t further tried to gain credit from this Oc but I do regret giving him that Oc.

yes, the "redesign" is completely different to the "old" design, because of reasons i shared before -- i only asked for the oc so i wouldn't have been called out on making something "inspired" by a character i didn't own. the original design was included in the original image, but they're not too similar (takaka's appearance is actually based on something within the keroro anime itself, which i can provide). she does try to claim that she "made" takaka, but the redesign is so heavy that i don't really think it warrants linking directly back to her. in his TH description for a while i did state that he was originally designed by her and redesigned by me, but i took that out some time after cutting ties w/ her, i'm not sure when exactly. even if she "gave" me the oc, it wouldn't have been anything near the one she oh-so-heavily fell in love with and obsessed over. the original image is no longer on toyhouse, but i can see if i can find it somewhere in my files [00:48] sory i typed this in notepad kjdfgfkdg [00:49] yeah she loves not being the villain

lewis:

(i cant find the original image but to be fair trying to sift thru 3500 images is hard ;; )

XX:

I okay trust me i understand entirely

lewis:

I wanna address that he is a very BIG manipulator and uses ‘Formal talk’ to get whatever he wants. During my time in the Keroro gunso server, Lewis had a really big hard-on for getting upset if anyone remotely copied his orikeros. There’s a user named ‘Jarkster” that he absolutely LOATHED because of a Character named ‘Yoyoyo’ that Jarkster owned looking slightly like Lewis’s orikero named ‘Peruru’.

something i can get screenshots for! i actually don't care if people do stuff similar to me, especially if it's unintentional. my only gripes are when it's direct inspiration from characters that are very openly close to me, since it's kind of a general consensus that we all respect eachother wrt designs. fun fact: she's the one who got pissed over anyone doing anything slightly similar to her stuff, and was always of the assumption that everybody knew all of her characters, so anything with a similar theme must be inspired by her. extra fun fact: i did actually make one of my ocs out of spite against her for this fact; claiming that a character with multiple mouths was similar to one of her ocs. bonus fun fact: she's the one who did all the instigating against jark & the oc, and i'm on totally good terms with jark now. i know i'm sometimes a little scary and intimidating but that's kind of just The Way I Am, and ultimately i still look out for him where i can. i'll always have issues with everybody, and i say this a lot where it's relevant, but frankly that stuff doesn't matter, cuz people are always gonna have problems with me too, so i stopped expecting perfection a while back. [00:58] lemme go get some stuff about this oc and jark

XX: 

Okeedokee! I know i dont trust them after the stealing the concepts of others ocs

lewis:

(ive just got the go-ahead from pongo to share the stuff w meke! but ill get that later)    [ note: this was about a conversation prior, about disease lying about her “dead best friend” but was included to avoid it looking like messages were deleted/removed. i only skip a few parts in here since it’s not relevant to documenting her scrapped callout ] [01:04] im gettin stuff rq but fun fact about this dm

IMAGE LINK

she removed all this from it :sob:

IMAGE LINK

XX:

of course she hides the fact u should do soemthing rancid

[ there’s then a compilation of her doing exactly what she accused me of doing, including me clearly saying that i didn’t want to[1] have this stuff said[2] to me all the time[3]  --  also note the person being discussed and i are presently friends and have been for a long time, since we actually talked things out. ]

XX:

yeah I getchu! i started having doubts you were as bad as she was depicting you. I ws like aint no way ima be yelled at if i came in and asked some info

lewis:

YEAH im v chill like im impulsive and i have anger problems sometimes but i lke. actually started to work on those LMAO [02:02] srry i just finished anther part of this response so ill send it

Of course, This naturally did not end THERE. Because its such a big deal to go off the wall bonkers at others, He even turned on a friend of his because he believed they were also stealing designs.

this is. really shit wording to use on a doc that's meant to be serious, but i'm not surprised. i have no idea who the "friend" in question is, it's totally unclear who she's talking about here. my responses were part of the deletion, so i can't get the context either. no idea what she's saying in this part

There’s plenty more of Lewis talking poorly about Jarkster in other logs but the logs were lost in a server that he lied about being the ‘original founder’ and pressured me into giving to him even though I made it. He may have SAID something about it but I was the one who originally made it.

this is the private server, that we refer to as w12! (short for "we're 12", though the full server name is "we're 12 HELP US PLEASE"). i have never once claimed to be the "founder" of the server -- even in my first announcement after coming into ownership of the server, i say that "now the server is under new management" -- i'm really open about her being the former owner! one of these logs are lost, by the way; which means she's under the assumption that i deleted stuff after becoming owner and banning her, which i didn't. every channel that's ever existed has been archived by me, just in case anything was ever needed again.

the server was actually originally an idea between my bf and i, and i shared that idea with her, to which she then ran with it without consulting us. here's part of our final conversation in the server with her, where she admits to "finding" that this was the case, only conveniently finding the "proof" after i'd said i'd found it: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/523973446028361744/530852530415075328/unknown.png

XX: [ accidentally not captured just above this ]

that is ironically sus that she suddenly found it

lewis:

yyyyyyep! she absolutely wasn't looking for it [02:11] (i can probably check this to see if an img was attached but i want to cover the whole doc first)

pongo stuff   [ note -- this was in hard-to-read screenshots and i was tired of copypasting at that point so some of this from the doc might actually be lost ]

pongo and i have had a fair amount of animosity towards eachother over the years but that is no longer the case. i don't really know the full context of this but anima really does take pongo's word as gospel, which is fucked up, considering she absolutely fucking hates pongo and everything about her. i can't tell the date of this either, since i assume it was capped on the day. we did have a lot of in-group problems at this point, and i don't think i'd be the only one to admit to that. siko and i did intentionally lead her on at times, but never to the extent that she did, and especially not doing anything like fucking grooming children.

"lewis' server is all about validation and hate speech" -- this is legitimate! this was a concern i had at some point, since we had a private channel for complaining about other people in. after a lot of thought and deliberation i removed everybody's access from the channel, because i didn't like the hivemind environment that i was creating. i still vent about things, most of it private, but i do think having reactions to stuff is only natural. i'm not gonna flat-out deny this stuff happened cuz it did. & i *did* have the mentality that "this is fine because you did worse than i did". it's not really something i carry with me much anymore, but i do think it still slips in here and there.

what i'm interested in is who this conversation is with, since it's clearly not anima herself. UPDATE -- i know exactly who this is; it's one of anima's friends, R (redacted since he's not relevant). i didn't realise the discord language was italian, of which he's the only associate i know to live in italy. the stuff about "freedom" as a mod -- one of us are like that anymore! we just moved on and did better, and even as the server owner, i still ask for permission from the people below me before i make any decisions for the server. (it's really strange if i did say jark shouldn't ask or consult -- not sure if i did -- since for a long time i've been with the belief that consulting/letting people know stuff is the right way to moderate). [02:13] uh oh i cant tell if the other person in the doc is her or not cuz of this kjfkdgdfkg

lewis:

OH i didnt cover specifically this statement

I wanna address that he is a very BIG manipulator and uses ‘Formal talk’ to get whatever he wants.

no, i don't use it to get whatever i want. i'm simply just british and literate and i like my big words sometimes and i like saying big things and taking things seriously. this is very evident when you talk to me tbh [02:16] closed the doc out of paranoia but now i shall cover this part

this is such a weird fucking statement. like. you know we just talk about things right? like we just? talked things out and got over it? there's no "stockholm syndrome" it's literally just adults deciding to be adults and settling things, which is something she's never actually done in her life, as far as i'm aware. we just. talked. and moved on. we did a 180 because we're not balls-deep in the past like she is. she'll be absolutely devastated to find out that pongo and i are friends, i think. i don't think she has any idea about what's happened between any of us and is just making assumptions.

she's really trying to hammer in an evil narrative at the end, which i think is obvious. i don't really care, cuz if doing better and trying to fix things with people makes me a manipulator, then i guess i'm the best fucking manipulator out there. it kind of just reeks of trying to put a specific narrative in your head a la conspiracy theory videos, shit makes no sense and if anything makes her even less reliable [02:21] this part is funny cuz i don't think i even posted the callout anywhere ngl

again i hold nothing against pongo but the mention of someone named salt brings to mention -- we didn't outcast him for being friends w/ disease (we kind of did), it was the way he romanticized abuse and incest and actively drew incest wrt moomin characters and the likes. also his username is literally "saltyshota" so you can imagine what he's like

IMAGE CAPTION: [..] dare like her at all or still associate with her, they outcasted Salt just because he wanted to stay friends with her, like that’s his vite, why should they care, I certainly don’t care, if I did, I wouldn’t have remained friends with Sutata, but regardless doing such a thing is petty, I seen Lewis call Salt and Sutata and [..]

lewis: 

none of this stuff w/ pongo would have been after she found out about the grooming stuff btw, afaik

these 2 users in question are raptor and motley, raptor after finding everything out and motley after i messaged them to let them know. i know these two people much better than she does (the former moreso) so i knew they wouldn't want any kind of support from her. both of them i asked if they wanted reimbursement(?) for any lost money but to my memory (not sure) they both declined, which is obviously fine, i just didn't want them to lose money.

XX:

I know you said someone was there but did anything change? I think shes offically blocked me now but now i am very curious [02:28] because that last bit sounds like her recent complaint?

lewis:

might take me a while to find this chat if it even exists, which is really funny, considering we've been part of a GC where she "apologised" to me about stuff wrt stealing ocs, paying someone to rip off my oc (takaka) and saying stuff like "oh i didnt actually know he would look like that i just had the finished image!"

it'll take a while to find, but she was full of shit with that too -- and i know it, because i have the entire comm chatlog from the artist themself! i just didn't connect the lies until after it was over so i never had the chance to call her out on that

not sure, i can check again maybe, i dont remember what was there befre

[ END DOCUMENT RESPONSE ]