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ganondoodle · 1 year ago

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so i hope its fine if i add it here bc it adds to this post and also i want to complain about the house too fdnfvndjnj (i havent done so much bc i thought i was being petty ..)

@blossom-beast replied to this with:

"As someone who wasn’t streaming the game and just a casual player I made maybe three things to use for getting around and nothing else. It was always EASIER and FASTER to just use a strong weapon or teleport. So I barely used any of that and it it really did feel like I was missing out in the end. But it just wasn’t something in could get into using when my mindset for it while playing a Zelda game. Is the little romba cool? Sure! Is it useful? Not really. I feel like maybe something like the beetle in skyward word I’d have used often, if it was one thing with use but it just felt too cluttered for me with everything. I’d use a rocket and glider for the depths and sky and not much else honestly. And the horse was 9/10 times more useful for the surface and didn’t explode into 40 pieces or need a battery. Also I feel the focus on building everything ruined some stuff like the house? Oh I hate the house. I was so excited at the idea of making a cute house I maybe upgraded to make bigger? and I’m just given ugly cubes and big flat area. No trees or scenery. I can make some weird shaped thing that feels empty. It could have been so good but the building gimmick felt so forced in and half baked for it."

i agree with this! alot actually, i didnt build much either, at first sure bc you know, its a new gimmick, but given how its both overused (its the solution to the majority of the puzzles) AND underused (its absolutely non relevant to the actual story- you dont need it in any way to get to the end either .... house ...) its novelty wore off extremely quickly, whenever i had to build something it was more of a chore, getting a krog (engl korok) to its friend i much prefered to jsut have my horse wear the gear that just lets you attached them to it rather than build anything thats not gonna work and more often than not, backfire and make the task more tedious- i didnt feel like i missed out tbh bc i did give it a try but after realizing that all you could build where either small little get arounds or gigantic things that are only good for a trailer but not in the actual game, i used it when i had to and otherwise didnt, put it on the list of meh things

(also .. the turning mechanic ... i think they did best they could with it but as a whole .. i feel like it added more frustration than fun bc it was so wobbly to use and really only needed for when you want to make super precise buildings, i feel like botws was a better balanced middle ground of the grabbed object turnign itself depending on how you grab it with magnesis)

the car things and anything that you can drive in totk really .. its fun for some time until you realize how little useful it actually is (not getting up steep hills, getting caught on terrain, kinda janky to control/steer) and then it also despawns whenever you enter a loading zone or even just get a little too far away, and it breaks apart even when you dont do that, which can be pretty funny when you are suddenly realizing in panic that your planes gonna blow, but also gets pretty frustrating when you build, espeically flying things, complicated vehicles that just pulverize after a bit of distance .. which given how emtpy the sky actually is is kinda a big problem bc you can rarely actually make it there with anything you build (i guess we know why the sonau mined the sonanium (zonaite?) en masse bc given the rate that these things just .. vanish into thin air after a 100 meters they would need a truckload of them anythign they wanted to do anything ....

and in the underground you can barely use any vehicle at all bc its also both kinda empty, but also has a lot of holes and uneven terrain all ground vehicles struggle with, flip around or get stuck, youd be faster jsut walking bc the time you save driving is made up with getting your vehicle unstuck again

most of the time you are gettign punished for using the mechanic that, while irrelevant to the actual story, was MADE for you to fuck around with

(and heres a bit where i think shiekah stuff would have been better, they got no wheels, but grabby metal tentacle arms that would have been so good to get around uneven terrain or rocks or anything wheels get stuck on? the actual propeller thingies could be more powerful than fans ... maybe building would be done by zelda and both powered and steered with links shiekah tech prosthetic omitting the need to a steering thing, and make part of it ingrained into the environment, a broken shrine you can take parts of etc, its harder or takes longer to build but then in return it doesnt break and despawn immediately ... fusing a proppeler to your arm so you can use it like raviolis gale ... so much possibility)

a horse is pretty much the best way to get around, which ... is kinda ironic, in botw i used horses bc i loved how they made them, they are the only horses in any videogame that felt that "real" to me, but also alot out of spite bc people kept hating on how useless they were, espeically with the addition of the eponator zero with the DLC, and now in totk they give you literally cars .... and horses are suddenly your best option xD

and the house ..... man the house was such a disappointment, i felt so betrayed after zelda apparently just ... took over your house (and there wasnt even a second bed or anything, where did link live???) but then i heard i could build my own and, me, the -plays sims only for the building aspect really- kind of guy, was so excited and then .. it was jsut an empty lot you had to put the few options of blocks together, i spent so long on that but ... its so limited (in number of rooms you can have and .. its just a premade room you cant realyl change anything about) and it was hard to make anything look decent while also have some of it functional, you had so little ways to even just .. have your house not be literallly open on some side, and the lot remains utterly empty (the "garden" doesnt really count imo) .. you cant even change the COLORS of your walls (that shouldnt be too hard to do right??) and you dont even have the option to build a roof like ... ok id rather have my old house back at that point bc at least it looked good/integrated into the world (and the way to get your horse into the stable is so ???? ... also the guy is always there .... watching ... waiting .....)

this got long again didnt it ...

seeing all the crazy stuff people build in totk kinda ... it feels like that is also a factor in why it turned out like this, like the insane things people did in botw and the (i keep saying devs when i actually mean the directors .. producers?) directors saw it and build totk just around letting people do it all 100 times more

to be clear, i think its impressive as hell what some people build (i just saw like .. a movie scene with a functioning mech gozilla and tanks made with totks building stuff ... what the fuck) and those things go pretty viral (understandibly so) but i also gotta question

as creative, free, and impressive as it is ... should that have been the focus in a zelda game? like .. is building mechas and tanks like that something that should be in a zelda game? can it be in there without inevitably sacrificing so much else? theres building games just for that? and if you want to make it zelda themed you can make it a spin off?

like i get it, people did crazy things in botw, they saw what people had fun with and dialed it up to a 1000 in totk, which in itself is not bad, even pretty good if you consider gamedevs and feeback and all that bc in general you should embrace what people had fun with in your game even if it wasnt the intent, given that nintendy listens to feedback (perhaps even a bit too much at times) and creative solutions was a central point to botw design philosophy but

i feel like totk kinda .. missed the balance?

if its really a reason why totk is build around enabling that in a purely player centered toy box kind of way without it actually mattering in the story .. or even themes ... was it worth it? not to sound like an oldschool boomer tm but in a franchise that iconic, lore and story focused, should you really abandon nigh all lore/story cohesion just to give the player a big box of toys in a world where i feel that doesnt ,, really belong? in a direct sequel in the same world with the same characters no less? that point is perhaps the biggest issue with it, bc again lots of games even if somwhat a sequel, had strange new tech or things in the world but in all of those cases it was some alternative universe, millenia after the other game, or on an entire different continent; while totk is supposedly just a few years after botw in the very same hyrule

(still doesnt explain the erasing of all shiekah things and replacing it with sonau- tho suddendly revealing the shiekah had actual rockets, wheels with suspension and grenade-launchers, might have been confusing too- you could have enabled the player creativity with shiekah too imo, and personally i would have found it way more fun ... lil guardian leg crawlies ..)

having thought about it feels rather logical why they did it in alot of ways, but also ... totk is build around it, while its also not build around it at all- its build around the PLAYER, not the world, not the story, not the theme, not the character, but YOU (especialyl those that dont realyl care about anythign story or lore stuff and just want to have fun with the gameplay loop, which isnt wrong, but i question whether thats the right kind if player to center in a zelda game .... also not saying all of those that build these crazy things are like that but- ... i hope you know what i mean)

(i know games are always build around the player, or should be, but .. do you get what i mean????? playing in a world that doesnt make sense anymore bc its all a box of toys yeeted into my face isnt fun to me, bc im here not only for gameplay fun but for the world .. theme .. characters, its something that has to be harmonical as a whole for me and totk just .. isnt)

i say it alot but i do really mean it, its very difficult to get my thoughts and feelings written out and to have them come across correctly

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #give me back my house zelda!!#i dont want this cube abomination #not even a tree #not even a single tree i was allowed to put there ......#i thought oh maybe the garden lets you do-#nope #theres so little interactable stuff in it #im not askign them to give me sims level of control #but #what was that #it was such a chore to even get it so theres isnt a hole in the wall

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colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl · 2 years ago

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Sorry Been away. Here's a random doodle I did a few weeks ago. I promise to get more art out.

Computer's been like all my electronics having alot of issues based on age. But I finally got my art program up and everything's set to go. Should have a few posts in the next week or two. Just have to help my folks out with a house project they have.

So where have I been at lately???

Also guess I'm doing more work for them, there's a few projects they need my help with. Again for those again don't know I am an only child (now adult I pale thinking Im about to turn 31) who helps take care of my disabled mom alot of the time. Shes been disabled my whole life and often I've had to move my life to fit around that (included having to often limit my activities so I could help around the house), even had to come back from University. But it's all out of love and respect for them. I may complain sometimes but it's just the stress and worry as I know my parents are technically elderly even If I refused to see them as such and I am taking care of their house on my own which can be overwhelming at times.

My mom officially has a cane now. But luckily her knee pains gone (apparently Frankenscense is really good for pain [not endorsing just didnt know it was used for that, thought fun fact!]). So that's a plus.She found something to work for her pain so there have been a few good days. Just her emotional state can snap sometimes due to health and it's harder for me to be on days like that as I need to care for her or myself and my emotional state die to it, having never had anxiety before it's a whole new ball park learning curve on how to handle what I was used ti (trying to navigate her bouts when shes like this is dificult).

So I never know one day to the next if her health is good or bad. Sometimes it's so debilitating for her, you'd expect a terribly hard few days for her, only to wake the next day and shes on the floor clinging, moving around bending limber as ever and cheerful. So it's a uphill down hill rollercoaster I never know what it's going to be. But it's worth it, and she fully understands I have projects and havent been able to regularly post lately due to her health issues and moments. But yeah if anything I want to ensure my mom lives healthy long as I can so she comes first in my life. I realized after a conversation I should have said something on here.

Due to that I can't usually give an update knowing if it's good or bad with her. I'm trying to do better as I get closer with this and posting more regular updates. I just, I pray her health improves and God let's us get all the work done, the stuff I need to help her with and need to do on my own.

....

I may post the full doodle... but I just liked this angle the best.

I took images of it at various angles and this one I really liked.

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scribblescrabbledepartment · 5 years ago

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idk if its bc im just shit outta energy or bc ive been disappointed with recent efforts (or if the 2nd is a result of the 1st) but i like. dont even wanna try to draw Actual Good Stuff these past few days i just feel like Doodling

#which doesnt bother me necessarily doodling is fun #it satisfies my need to draw a bunch of shit real fast with no pressure for it to be good #it just Feels like i should be doing something better #but whatever thats not my problem #i Have been mostly doodling the same thing which i feel bad about #bc it is of course the ultimate sin to repeatedly engage in something that makes u happy dont u know ?#thats illegal u cant draw the same thing more than 5 times or else the uhh Fun Police come and tell u to branch out #i havent actually had anyone tell me that on here im just vagueing about my mom #i dont really show her anything unless im really proud of it but u know. years of conditioning blah blah blah Whatever #not my problem #anyway i feel like i cant do too much of the same thing without throwing in some unrelated stuff between posts #& that irrational pressure i put on myself kinda deters me from posting sometimes #u know ??#sorry im just like working through my issues rn this is my replacement for therapy i never managed to get going to therapy #so i just talk to myself until i Realize Shit and work on it from there #i have to do it here i cant do it from the chat bc everyone else has worse problems & i dont wanna sound like a dick #i gotta be the helper friend in the chat i cant be dumping my shit in there #i think it is so fun that i Insist to the hoes that its fine to use the vent channel as much as they need to & i cant give myself #that same green light to vent #i look at myself & im like bro shut up bro that doesnt even Matter #yo its fine tho im getting better #i havent Actually wanted to die since college and im getting better at coping strategies so im good #sometimes i kinda just want reassurance that i deserve to be alive or whatever but thats not really anyone elses problem #& i usually only feel like that [spongebob voice] At Night so i just make myself go to bed #it feels bad when i try to fall asleep but im always better in the morning usualy #anyway i think i wanna draw gay shit tonight i just gotta figure out what kind of gay shit #if u read all that shit send suggestions my brain cells fried bro #yo this wasnt supposd to be this kind of post i really did just wanna make the initial point & end it #but u know how it is mother fuckerr #hitting post before i start reflecting on the slow burn lifelong inherent trauma that comes with being autistic bye

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mercur1e · 4 years ago

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Helllooooo

Soo I just saw you're headcannons are literally 💞💞

It's lowkey the only thing keeping me safe and alive ✋😌......soooooo can I request Gom + kuroko and kagami (if it's to much you can just doo Aomine, Kise and Midorima and akashi)where they accidentally hurt their s/o feelings pleaaseeeeee..... I need some angst but please end it in fluff (cuz i lowkey cannot handle it)

Please take care of yourself, your health always comes first, I love youuuu ❤❤❤

Ofc love! I hope you're doing well and I love you too :) <333

Akashi

He disregarded your hard work :(

You're trying to start your own small business and you're having a little trouble, which is not unusual that happens sometimes!

You were having trouble hiring employees and you were talking to him about it, and he was in a bad mood prior to you approaching him

"You're not going anywhere with this. It would just be better to give up on it. You're not going to make it that far even if you do succeed. And can you leave? I'm busy and all you're doing is acting as a distraction."

You just froze, you couldn't believe what he had just said

Not only did he know how much work you were putting in, he also knew how excited you were for the future of your shop too

You didn't even say anything, you just froze with shock, hurt, and surprise and stomped out of his office

You left the house, you needed some time to cool off and cry

It took Akashi a second to realize what he had said and how hurtful his words were, so he started looking all over for you in the house. He goes into the garage to see your car is gone and he assumes the worst.

You don't pick up the phone when he calls you or answer his texts, opting to turn it off after the fifth call.

You stay by your best friend for the night and they comforted you and told you he probably didn't mean it, and that you can stay as long as you need

After you leave from by your friends place you go to your favorite cafe for some breakfast

And guess who's there, Akashi.

You turn around and walk out because you were honestly not ready to deal with him just yet and it was too early in the morning for all that

He catches you on the way out and apologizes :)

"Love, I apologize for what I said yesterday. It was inconsiderate, hurtful, and wrong. You've been working so hard on your business and you're doing your best to make it happen. I was in a bad mood yesterday and I dont know what came over me. Will you forgive me?"

Looking you in the eye as he spoke every word, holding your hands and rubbing them, you know he was truly sorry and wants to fix what he did.

"I forgive you Sei, but what you said was really hurtful. You know how much this means to me and how much work I've been putting in. But I do forgive you."

He takes you out to eat at your favorite restaurant and watch a movie afterwards back at home, kisses you tons and holds you in his arms when you fall asleep.

He also puts in a good word with his work associates about your business and you gain more employees and popularity! But unless you want to do it completely on your own he's there supporting you every step of the way and giving you advice :)

Midorima

He acts like your affection is kryptonite, even though you're not a clingy or overly-affectionate person

You guys had been together for about 3-4 months

He always brushes you off even at the most simplest acts of affections, you're starting to really question if he even wants to be together.

Well this particular time he embarrassed you in front of the team :/

There was a break in between practice and you went to give him his water bottle and give him a hug

"Hey Shin he's your water bottle, don't work yourself too hard okay?"

After that you went in for a quick hug but he held a hand against your chest and glared at you

"Why are you always so clingy? You're always on me and its annoying. Can you just leave me alone or leave?"

He said that right in the middle of the court, everyone's eyes were on you and you felt embarrassed.

"...alright."

That's all you after said you shoved the water bottle into his hand and walked out of the gym.

Takao was the one to call him out on his behavior and tell him that he was being rude and that he should apologize

Midorima took that advice and after practice, he went to find you and apologize, except you weren't anywhere he checked or thought you would be

You avoided him for 3 days straight until he arrived at your house unannounced

Your lucky item in his hand, he gives you a well deserved apology

"Y/N I- I'm sorry that I was being rude to you. There was no reason for me to act like that and I haven't been appreciating you like I should. That was rude of me and I hope you except my apology. Also- this is your uh lucky item."

He hands you a plushie :)

He gives you hugs and reassures you that he appreciates your affections despite him not being used to it!

He also got an extra lap at practice from Miyaji lol but he decided not to tell you that part

Kise

Is very busy and it's sometimes hard to make time for you :(

And you also couldn't show him affection in public or be around him because his fangirls would throw a hissy fit

He hasn't been answering his phone and he can't really get that close to you at school so you've been feeling left behind

When you finally managed to catch him, you said you wanted to go out and just catch up because you two haven't spent much time together and he agreed

However Kise forgot about the plans and you were waiting at the restaurant, alone.

You went home that night upset, tired, and wondering if you even want to be in a relationship anymore

You stopped texting him and talking to talk to him at school, not that you even had that much time to talk to him and school anyway

Kise had realised a whole day later that he had forgotten about the plans you two had made together

He took off from work the whole week, even though his manager was mad about it and went off to find you

He found you at a park after school and approached you with flowers in his hand

"Y/N baby I'm so sorry I forgot about our date. I can't imagine how you must've felt and to make up for it I called the whole week off! I'm really, really sorry that I havent had time for you. Do you forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive you Kise I'm just really hurt that you stood me up. You knew we hadn't spent alot of time together and I was really hoping to catch up with you that night. But I'm just happy you're here."

He takes you to a concert! Your favorite artist was in town and he bought tickets for the two of you!

The whole week was filled with fun, love, and lots of conversations :)

He promises to make more time for you and be there for you whenever he can!

He also posts you on his socials and shows you affection at school, showing his fangirls that he's not for them, but for you and they can go away of they don't like that

Aomine

You feel like he doesn't put any effort into the relationship

It's always you doing everything, it just gets tiring

He doesn't really make an effort to do anything, like plan dates, hang out, or just spend time together

He also uses basketball as an excuse to not hang out with you when you already know he's not at practice

Like if you want alone time man just say that

So you had planned a date for you two, nothing big just going to the movie theaters yk

He cancelled last minute, saying Imayoshi was forcing him to come to practice

It was a sunday, they don't have practice in sunday

You talked to Momoi as she is a close friend of yours too, about how you feel like you're the only one making an effort and that you feel like he doesn't want to spend time with you

She tells you to confront him about it, so you do

The next time Daiki comes to your house you ask him about it

"It just feels like I'm the only one putting work into the relationship and I feel like you're avoiding me. You make up excuses to not be with me and bail on me last minute...do you even want to be with me? And if you do want alone time just be upfront about it, don't give me terrible excuses or flake out on me."

Aomine honestly didn't know you felt that way

Now that he looks back at it, it has been mainly you doing most of the stuff in the relationship, and he can see why you feel like it's only you trying

"You're right, it has been mainly you doing stuff for both of us. I'm gonna start putting in more effort because it's time I do. I'm sorry that I've been making shitty excuses to not hang out with you, and cancelling all of a sudden. I'll be honest when I don't feel like going out and I'll spend more time with you."

He makes it up to you by taking you to a festival and going to see a movie with you

True to his word, he starts putting more effort into y'alls relationship and you two take turns planning dates

And if he doesn't feel like going out you guys have at home dates instead :)

I know this took a little longer than usual, I'm sorry for the little setback. Hopefully you like them! Thank you for requesting and feedback is appreciated! Love you <333

#akashi seijuurou x reader #aomine daiki x reader #midorima shintaro x reader #kise ryota x reader #knb x black! reader #knb x poc!reader #knb x reader #aomine daiki x black!reader #aomine daiki x poc!reader #akashi seijuro x black!reader #akashi seijuro x poc!reader #midorima shintaro x black!reader #midoroma shintaro x poc!reader #kise ryouta x black!reader #kise ryouta x poc!reader #knb angst

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birdkittenn · 10 months ago

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continuing where i left off

wrath layer fic chapter 2 reaction:

once again, author's notes reaction. i found the details tag from a tumblr post once and decided id stash the info away until i could use it somewhere. and that turns out to be here

yeah. feral little guy who wants to kill and murder but stopped by the guy who isnt feral

everything is gayer from v2's pov, who has already realized his feelings and trying so hard and failing at getting rid of his crush on this stupid blue fuck

and then i have little thoughts on the little v1-sentry interaction. it's there i guess. v1 the undersocialized little guy who only knows how to kill panicking because if not kill, then what do?? the fact that there's a Lot of people didnt help

oh the v1 trauma scene. im dreading a little at rereading this, i dont think it was good >-<

first, from current v1's pov, who has forgotten what has happened. this reads fine honestly

and now with the memory. the last line in the center is part of v1 realizing that its stuck in a loop and deleting the memory. so far with how i've written it, v1 does Not fare well when realizing it failed an order/task/anything. it does better at not marking things as failure now but it still handles it poorly

current idea that im not 100% sure will make it into the series is that memory deletion does not mean deletion of like, feelings. the stress is Still There. which. you know. if v1 suddenly finds itself in a loop where it keeps deleting its memories, and thereby placing it back into the exact same situation each deletion, the stress just continues building up and. yeah

not sure how i feel about the fact that, so far, my pre-canon characterization of v1 and v2 is that v1 is the most anxious thing that loves to kill ever, and v2 is like...there. v2 going "wow, its so easy being an unfeeling machine" [proceeds to not even realize he is experiencing feelings]. v2 is very stressed when he learns that he has feelings like everyone else. deals poorly with having them. v1 is just always stressed the fuck out though. i guess it's like a cheetah or something

word of the author means nothing btw if its not in the series. everything can change at any time i just like talking about my current plans

v1's reaction to conflict like this! it doesn't want to talk about that at all and gets angry if you try. the anger comes from something like fear though

ok the drawing scene! i struggled with explaining the concept behind it a little. i looked up an image of a lighthouse and mentally broke stuff down into shapes and then tried to describe that as best as i could

if i have to be completely honest, the idea of robots being Very Good at just tracing art and doing realistic art, but struggle more with the abstract stuff comes from this fic. i havent finished reading it nor do i really remember a lot of stuff anymore these days but that was 1 of the scenes that stuck out to me. another scene that sticks out to me is the part where sun tries to describe his favourite colour, but its a very specific colour, guy probably has the hex code for it and all, and tries really hard to recreate that exact colour. its cool i need to reread if i ever get the time. 107 chapters got hands

ivan aivazovsky! i wanted one of his wave paintings specifically because the first time i saw it, i went WOAH and so i knew i had to use one of his paintings for my yaouri fic. and then the part where their conversation drifts away from the drawing topic is because i ran out of things to say and also i needed them to move onto the next thing i wanted them to do

oh, the voice thing is next! v2's voice is perfectly fine by the time of the 7-3 fic, but in the 4-4 fic, it was fucked up. i needed a reason as to why v2 would restore his voice and the answer is v1 just likes it. v1 likes to listen to him a lot. it also likes to make him shut up but like lovingly

oh, from one of the glitched text, i transcribed "play nice" as "pʰle͡j na͡js" partly from that 1 time i took a linguistics course and they made me transcribe those sounds as e͡j etc instead of whatever online dictionaries transcribe it as, and then that just stuck with me. i also had a moment while transcribing "play" as like hey wait a minute! air releases when i pronounce the p in play, so i should add the symbol for that

i have that outfit in my closet! no pictures but i know exactly what it looks like. sadly have been unable to find an image that looks like my dress online

i have also had a scene where once v2 finally dresses up v1, his pet name for it is just doll. like. yeah. i havent found an excuse to get v2 to do that though

(v1 is just laying down on a couch during this scene)

oh yeah i had v1 teasingly call v2 a sculpture but didn't know exactly how to get it to do that. i mean i figured it out but yeah. i dont know if this was a planned thing that never came to fruition or something i made the fuck up just now (memory not the best) but they wouldve played around a bit with the actual sculptures in the room and comparisons wouldve been made

aaand that's the end of the chapter. i dont have any further thoughts on this

and the below screenshot is the alternate petting scene where v2 overheats. i instead moved the overheating to the next chapter. v2 cannot handle this amount of affection (yet) (he unwillingly gets trained to tolerate more before he gets far too happy about it and ceases to like function for a bit) (thanks v1)

who wants to see me liveblog my reaction to my own fic

#rambles

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 2 years ago

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i mean yeah sure then it’s fine lol i just think in general it’s funny that there are a lot of people who take ed’s trauma super seriously and then say in turn ed gets to make fun of that time a dude called stede a plague and a disease yk.

i mean tbh i havent seen that happening much, and i havent been aware of ever doing that myself (altho maybe i have without realizing it, idk). most of the Stede Trauma that i think would be incredibly unfunny for anyone on the Revenge to ever joke about is the stuff from his childhood. the rowboat incident or the shit his dad would say to him is, like... Not Funny, no matter how healed from it stede is.

bc that's the thing that i did try to make clear in my original post: ed "bullying" stede would happen way after the healing has taken place. and tbh i dont think the near-death experience of that whole night is the part stede will need to heal from (he got over the first badminton death after one episode, he got over being stabbed and hanged no problem). the two biggest things for stede would be the guilt of hurting ed, and the whole "plague, monster, defile beautiful things" speech. and i think the first one would be resolved sooner than the second one, bc the second one is an issue of things stede's been told about himself his whole life, his image of himself that he's barely even begun to challenge.

and i didnt actually have ed making jokes abt badminton's speech to stede in my post, but. i can actually see a way they would both be comfortable laughing abt that—bc for me, making jokes abt my trauma is usually how i know im actually doing better. if that's not a way of processing trauma that you're comfortable with, that's fine! this headcanon might not be for you.

but for ME i think it would be funny if any time stede is like "alright ed i have to go take the morning watch" and ed's like "nooo stay here in bed" and stede's like "i'll be back later, my love." if when stede gets up ed rolls over and glares at him through sleepy eyes and growls out, "stede bonnet... is not a human." and stede laughs and kisses him on the forehead while ed keeps glaring. "you're a monster, a plague," and stede is like, "i know, darling, i'm simply awful."

and obviously the “you defile beautiful things” bit in the context of ed being like “ooh stede baby i want you to defile me~” is like, a no-brainer

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knightartorius · 3 years ago

Text

wwdits 4x1 countdown!

the long post where i document every day until wwdits returns on july 12! all 60 days of misery, pain, hardship, love, joy, and innocence all in one place. why did i do this you ask? ………………..

60:

WWDITS ANNOUNCED NANDERMO REAL WE WON YES. YES. JULY 12 SAVE THE DATE. YES. YES. YES wwdits is upon us soon. i feel nothing but joy. WWDITS WWDITS YEAHHH

59:

The excruciatingly long wait until July 12 has hit. It’s starting to look dim. I am unsure if I will even live to see it.

58:

i started this on day 59 because i needed a way to get the absolute amount of soot off my heart from the 60 day wait and it is STILL day 59 as im writing this and i just cant wait til day 58 to say that im fucking dying. i cant. and theres going to be another wait for ofmd eventually and oh my goddd. im such an impatient person and i cant. its currently day 58 and i am watching flight of the conchords to cope

57:

i have decided to watch one critical role episode every day which will occupy about 25 days worth of my time. this may vary with school and summer break but i need a distraction. i am rewatching ofmd for the first time in a little while. this is terrible… i have school today as well which is stunting my coping abilities. not good. havent once been able to focus on anything because my head is just critrole ofmd wwdits on repeat i am dying… my critrole pacing is also already so off, im on like episode 4 and i shouldve only finished 2 or something like that. but i cant help but have the cliffhangers resolved

56:

day 56 has begun, and im starting to realize how fucking long this post is gonna be. and how long the wait really is.. obviously when you think of 60 days as 2 months it feels like not all that long, but when you break it down into days, and hours of days, thinking each time you update this post and whatnot, it makes it feel much longer. in better news, only 3 more days of school left!

55:

this being the last week of school might be slowing down time. it feels like the longest week on the fucking planet… after days 57-53 this should be smooth sailing. anyway speaking of school nobody is taking this shit seriously anymore, nobody is here and ive just been playing minecraft in class

54:

unsure if im now behind on critrole because i had to spend hours working on a “group” project from complete scratch due at *checks watch* 11:59 because my partner ghosted me… i also have another project due at *checks watch* 11:59 today and i wont be getting home to work on it until 8. this is pretty great idk. why did all this stuff fall on the last week of school im more stressed than ive ever been on a “chill week.” maybe if wwdits was back itd be better

53:

IVE BEEN SO BUSY ALL DAY RHAT I TOTALLY FORGOT TO UPDATE HII.. SCHOOL ENDED TODAY!! i finished me projects and all…very proud of myself for getting through this week kinda ok? forgot to add yesterday that in class we wrote letters to ourselves as graduates in english and i mentioned both ofmd and wwdits… more than once like they were plot points..loved writing it too. but yes summer is officially upon me!!!!!!! yeah baby

52:

first day of summer has sucked. woke up far too early (who wakes up at 7 in the summertime like the sun hadnt even risen) and now im sick..life is pain quote the nun

51:

so i absolutely underestimated how sick i was gonna get towards the end of the day, to the point where i only have a very hazy memory of the entire evening.. but its 1 am and i woke up from a nap i presume and i feel a lot better now. definitely a few days behind on critical role too, havent had any time to watch in between being sick as FUCK and school. we are almost through the first ten days of the wwdits wajt though!!!! im so excited im also getting a new phone today, ive had the same one for 4/5 years now and shes starting to be a little shit so. GOT THE NEW PHONE! (iphone 13) it is so smooth and the camera BUMPIN… it fits in me hand nice too. lord how i needed this baby. i also watched 25 minutes of morbius too, and its..absolutely unwatchable so i turned it off. i cant even watch it as a joke

50:

TEN DAYS DOWN!!!!!!!!!! the impossible task is starting to look…possible! in fifty days ill have the pleasure of saying…nandermo is real. but for now, all i can say is nandermo will be real in 50 days. im also starting to feel a little better? my throat is still killing me though. the one issue i have with this phone is that “autistics for otori emu” use to fit perfectly in one line of text but now its like

AUTISTICS FOR OTORI

EMU

and its kinda ugly. ill never change it though

49:

LOVE AND THUNDER JULY 8…july is gonna be a big month for taika god damn anyway I CANT WAIT!!!!! i wanna see this movie so bad….AHH.. also lowkey been inactive at the moment. not sure why

48:

watched the lighthouse last night, it was lowkey gay porn but i loved it. certified really good movie. anyway, im in a movie watching era of this countdown. except i watch like 1 movie a day every night. tonights is everything everywhere all at once! im very excited i hope i cry. didnt cry but still really enjoyed the movie! i wish they took a more “you dont have to forgive your parents” approach, cause they kinda just ignored the fact that evelynn was the one who broke joy, and her breaking joy fractured her in every universe… and like yeah joy was able to heal and forgive but she shouldnt have to forgive her mother just because she saved her. a lot of people with trauma have it in our brains (especially those of us with parental trauma) that we have to forgive our abusers and media rarely ever empowers those of us who are unable to simply forgive and forget, and this movie had the perfect opportunity to do that, but in a sense im glad they didnt also

47:

its morbin time. not really anything to say today, but its been cloudy for the past week and im wondering when im gonna get to see the sun again. the countdown is smooth sailing otherwise! OH WAIT ive been playing life is strange true colors and its been..fun?? idk ive also been playing the sims for fun again too which .. it has been ages since… i have a “legacy” going kinda but the first gens story is pretty fucked up so im just having fun with mods really

46:

kissed ryan and its the only choice ive been 100% confident about in this game. i love ryan. hes my one true love. they dont make men like this in the real. im also gonna retry watching morbius im obsessed with this movie + my bff is graduating today im so happy for him

OKAY MAYDAY THE WWDITS EPISODE TITLES JUST RELEASED AND. WE ARE 95 DAYS AWAY FROMA “The Wedding” it could be nandermo. it could and im scared (KITE FROM THE FUTURE: its not nandermo nandor is marrying a woman??)

45:

these past 5 days have been going so fast im scared. too fast almost. in like 30 minutes were gonna have wwdits 4 like it was nothing. also rewatching morbius second night in a row because my friend wants to watch it with me. hes morbing out oh my god oh shit. okay we ended up not watching morbius but i watched wwdits (2005) and 1) taika hot 2) the montage of people calling them fags is so..timely idk. but for everyone who always says “ah nz is so progressive” and acts like conservatism doesnt exist there and idolizes the countrys politics… reality check please. 3) taika hot like all the letterboxd review are about his hair and shit and yea i agree completely. but i made a post to my instagram story and tldr it was about how the wwdits franchise kinda encapsulates the changes in perception of queerness throughout the 21st century and honestly its one of the most interesting aspects to me while consuming all wwdits content

44:

hunt for the wilderpeople is a movie that i watched that broke me a bit. i didnt cry or anything of the sort but god i loved ever second of it. how will i live. anyway i think im officially over the ofmd grief but rather im shocked that the show still hasnt been renewed..not in like an awww boo hoo but like..what the fuck is hbo doing (KITE 3 DAYS IN THE FUTURE HERE: THIS IS SO FUNNY. THEY WERE WAITING UNTIL PRIDE MONTH)

43:

watching both top gun movies, was inspired by flight of the conchords. will be back. ok i only watched the og top gun but i did thoroughly enjoy it, and damn that movie is beautiful if nothing else + american psycho. and american psycho i loved a lot. also if youre wondering why im watching so many movies its a summer goal of mine to watch a lot of movies because i notoriously dont like movies as an artistic means and have watched like barely any movies proportionate to my lifespan and im trying to change that. i still dont like movies really but…oh well im glad im using this to watch some good films. my letterboxd is kite4444_1 if you were interested in seeing my ratings (they are wonky…and 3 means i liked/enjoyed it btw)

theres also a meteor shower tonight (allegedly) so im sitting outside at 1 am viewing the sky, ive seen 1 so far so dub! rare once in a lifetime experience in the wwdits countdown

42:

i really dont know how to break the meteor shower stuff up but its 1:30 am so its officially day 42. i saw 4 big meteors, a lot of little guys, and 1 orange fella so i consider this a big win.. i also just enjoyed sitting outside and watching the sky, i should do that more often honestly. literally did nothing today! W

41:

its pride month! happy pride month. also one month closer til wwdits..dub OH MY FUCJING GOD I JUST GOT THE NEWS. YES. YES. YES. YES OH MY GOD YES YES YES YES YES IM LITERALLY CRYING IM BESIDE MYSELF WITH JOY AND EVTASY I CANT oh my god i cant wait until i have an ofmd countdown god is so fucking real best day of my life nobody understands my joy rn GOD im crying so hard incant i cant i cant i just cried so hard IM CRYING AGAIN it’s definitely been like an hour or something but i cant think. i cant feel. hello #BestDayEver

season 2 requests:

1) bearded stede. dgaf if rhys says he cant grow a beard hes lying

2) jim and jackie romantic interactions… i read the vico interview and when they said maybe jim will find someone else during their separation to olu…my mind went bonkers

3) mary gets many gfs and they are poly and in love. doug is also in the polycule

4) izzy, jim, lucius, ivan, frenchie, fang need to be BESTIES. BFFs4L. and izzy and lucius you already know i want them together idc

KITE VS RAINBOW CAPITALISM: RAINBOW CAPITALISM WON

40:

ANOTHER TEN DAYS DOWN!!!!!!! YEAHHHH soon there will be no time left.. what the hell! pride month really is off to a great start and im ecstatic.. still not over the sheer high of ofmd 2 announcement but it also makes me fear season 2s existence. BUT GOD I CANT WAIT UNTIL I HAVE ANOTHER COUNTDOWN entiled “Ofmd 2 countdown” its going to be glorious and im going to be fucking FERAL. FERALLL!!!!

39:

watching muppets treasure island and ofmd season 2 looks CRAZY… anyway im watching this because apparently black sails has prior reading and i was not watching some old movie or the novel so muppets treasure island it is. i also need to stop writing these entries early in the morning (it is 1:45 am) because it throws my rhythm off..in better news though its all been good, im going to the beach tomorrow oh fuck it just hit me im going to the beach at peak ofmd fixation..its going to be all i think about NEVERMIND ITS ONLY FRIDAY I THOUGHT IT WAS SATURDAY? not going to the beach tomorrow cause we leave sunday im an idiot

38:

god i cant wait to go to the beach i need it. no pirate bullshit but i need to be one with the sea its been over a year since ive been there gah…my mom keeps being weird about it but you will not ruin my fun beach adventures!! i will walk for miles in one direction listening to music or something or talking to myself without a care in the world because i am one with the oceanside. i will cry for no reason walking my dog and thinking wow. this is what stede wouldve wanted. i cant wait to spend the next 4 days pacing with the sand between my toes as i ponder season 2 and what explorations of heartbreak means for each character. i will cry

also im on episode 3 of black sails and this shit is DRAMA??? like ofmg i was not ready also what is the ofmd/muppets treasure island/black sails pipeline because ive seen multiple fans with muppets treasure island profile pictures and how did i manage to fall down the same fucking hole

37:

BEACH DAYY!!!!!!! i cannot wait til we get there holy fuck [ x ] <- pics here! i also went and updated the layout of this post so ideally its easier to look at i REALLY need to stop writing these at 1/2 am because whyd i wake up and learn we aren’t even going until wednesday and my mom isnt even sure we can get reservations..if i dont go to the beach ill die like actually ill perish

WAIIITTTT WWDITS TEASER DROPPED [ x ] oh my god?????? this is the most unhinged the show has ever been and i cant wait

36:

nobody told me black sails was gay…like super gay this is insane. everyone is bisexual and they were so real for that. anyway im very much enjoying watching because the drama is real

also wwdits poster..wow 2 days in a row theyve been giving us content also renewed for seasons 5 & 6?!?!? idk why i had it in my head that season 4 was going to be the end but YES wwdits is goijg with me to college W…also on that note its crazy to me that ofmd and the like arent going to be finished until im in college…wow…im getting old

35:

we are almost halfway through the wait! god damn the past 25 days have felt almost nonexistent but regardless… beach tmw!!!!! for real this time. and as i said i will be at peace. i always thought if they were real id be a mermaid. and ill probably reincarnate as a lobster or something of the like.. i am one with the sea

also ever since that article about taika being a failure or sellout or whatever (i didnt read the article) made the typo calling jemaine “jermaine” i have carried the torch. he is now jermaine clement to me

34:

beach day beach day beach day… i cant wait for this “getting-to-beach” arc to end because this has went on for far too long… anyway, im gonna finish black sails either today or tomorrow and wow! what an adventure. the worlds longest origin story. i have enjoyed every minute of it!

33:

i finished black sails! also here are those beach pictures i promised [ x ]. other than that this trip has so far been pretty uneventful (not saying it will ever be eventful) but i am enjoying the sea view

also rumor has it ofmd season 2 should be airing around june/july of next year which is so insanely far but also very close. its also going to be insane comfort for me after i graduate i can tell +£~£

32:

going on a bender of listening to old 90s alternative rock songs i havent heard since i was like 10. and i still know 97% of the lyrics to all of these songs… my music taste has come a long way really. hot take though i dont understand why people bend over backwards to defend bjorks racism because her music is not even that good?? what is the appeal here. let her go

31:

havent had much to say recently but today is my last day at the beach… but now we are for real for real close to reaching that halfway point… i am quite geeked if i do say so myself

30:

WE ARE OFFICIALLY HALFWAY THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHYHHHHHH BABY its been a long ass thirty days but im sure that its going to go by fast now? also because we seem to be getting a lot of random content (not just for wwdits but yk).. im quite ecstatic. i cant wait for my silly little tv show

later tonight i have a music listening event with my friend and i have to choose 5 albums for us to listen to and so far i have and otherwise i have zero idea

jyocho - the beautiful cycle of terminal

イツエ (itsue) - いくつもの絵 / many pictures

ABBA - voulez-vous

never mind apparently! it was supposed to start about 2 hours ago and im like 80% sure im getting stood up! oh well. i say oh well because im a bit used to it but also im fairly upset because i was really looking forward to thissss ahhhh

29:

getting stood up aside i think im sick AGAIN???? i think ive been sick like 50 times this entire countdown but also i have like 5 chronic illnesses and so it could be one of them. besides i feel bad but not too bad so ill live

i woke up with a super weird tender rash on the palm of my hand and???? what the hell. god is spiting me now that the countdown is on the downward path

28:

nah not sick but i was not feeling hot yesterday. im very excited though because my broccoli plants are looking very healthy after the trip (i was a bit worried theyd fucking die) but they are taking to the environment quite nicely. on the contrary i planted SIX cucumber plants and they are taking over my entire garden like a goddamn parasite. i dont even need tgat many cucumbers why did i plant six oh my god. also my onions should be harvestable soon… if youre wondering what all plants im growing: cucumbers broccoli red pepper onion spinach & carrots. very nature over here

also i am plugging flight of the conchords as one of my albums..! pay me jemaine

27:

DIDNT UPDATE AT ALL TODAY??? but omg my cucumbers were ready for harvest and theyre HUGE. i also started a worm bin today and i had to collect 2 worms on my own i hope they enjoy having sex and shitting for me but yeah. this is a beautiful thing. overall a great day i very much enjoy getting gritty in the garden

also fun sketchful.io night with my friend and now we have official plans to meet irl come january!!!!!! fat fucking double you

26:

do tumblr posts have a word limit…i feel like i mentioned this before but it comes more of a growing concern every single day. otherwise its a good day except me waking up to my dog having a seizure because i overslept my alarm for giving him his meds. in case you were wondering hes completely fine just a normal hiccup

also bios dont have a word limit either do they.. also layout change! i changed the color yesterday but today i moved the rant bio to be under the cut because i just cant part with it

25:

watched thor ragnarok so im officially up to date for love and thunder. i love korg no im not biased but also everyone who was like thor and bruce have serious couple energy are so right its such a shame he wont be in love and thunder. the “rom com” aspect with jane peter and bruce would be so hectic but also so good?!!? havent been hyped for a marvel movie since endgame im so excited

introducing a new conflict: me trying to watch fotc live in london without paying for hbo max. this has been an uphill battle and i signed up for the apple one free trial which gives me free apple tv and they said they had live in london on there BUT NO IT REDIRECTS YOU TO HULU AND HBOMAX. now you may be thinking “just sign up for hulu free trial” BUT HULU DOESNT HAVE IT EITHER WITHOUT YOU PAYING FOR THE HBO ADDON!!!! also i tried literally every pirating website i know and nothing. i feel like im fighting a goddamn war just to watch live in london idk

ok update: its currently 2:55 am and i found it on the pirate bay but obviously thats a torrenting thingy so tomorrow evening im going to relearn how to torrent so i can watch it. also last time i downloaded utorrent it absolutely wrecked my computer, managed to uninstall it but its still fucked up but oh well! anything for fotc

adding onto an already incredibly hectic log, i ended up not downloading it today because i didnt feel like getting out my laptop charger. it was one of those incredibly lazy days. but man if theres one thing this post is gonna do, its gonna make me realize how much of my summer i am spending RELAXING. its well deserved and this is my last high school summer so i should definitely waste the most i can because ill never get this again, but like.. come august the regret is gonna be reallllll….

24:

another day of completely forgetting to update this! im getting back into terraria and that has kept me mostly entertained all day. im so bad at it but i used to be cracked (kinda. i never got to hardmode cause flesh but)

to add, i have a 4 day streak going of eating toast late at night. the first 2 days it was tuna on this asiago cheese loaf and these past 2 days have been cinnamon butter on sourdough. very real

23:

days are flying by! wow. but my sleep schedule is so off it’s ridiculous. but today was even less eventful than yesterday, except i think im finally in my terraria groove and i even beat the eye of cthulhu + i wanna fight skeletron but like, i have no idea where his temple is and ive went so far in both directions

22:

i have whipped cthulhu’s ass thrice. he doesn’t even stand a chance! but i did attempt skeletron and got whooped so hard it’s ridiculous?? did they buff him since i last played like 5 years ago. also attempted the eater of worlds twice for some scales so i can make demonite equipment and CHRIST i keep having like sensory overload. also sorry for making three consecutive short posts where i exclusively talk about terraria but that is all im doing so we! will! have! to! deal!

also sometimes its so hard to tell if i wrote already. like i have no recollection of writing today but i think i did??? did i????

21:

21 days? THREE WEEKS?? three weeks ???? three weeks!!! i really am so excited. also i might be going to see lightyear soon with some of my friends who i haven’t seen in like 3/4 years! definitely not the most hype movie we couldve went to see but idc chris evans keke palmer and taika are all in there and thats all i care about. mm

I DREAMT ABOUT S2E1 of ofmd that they like released episode 1 early and it was so funny. i don’t remember much about it but stede and ed werent in the episode at all (but blackbeard was in the last like 15 minutes of an hour long episode, but i didnt even watch that part because of dream logic) and i don’t remember much at all but someone was in a white void with john silver. a completely different show. and they had to complete some kind of bullshit puzzle it was great the rest of the dream was mostly on the deserted island with the rest of the revenge and jim was there too but hell i dont know it was such a mess

also i never mentioned it but i watched guns akimbo like 2 days ago and jesus christ i haven’t recovered. the pacing never slows down and its balls like the movie is hot balls but it was so insane that like. i havent recovered

20:

TWENTY!!! FORTY DAYS DOWN WOWZA. that’s literally insane. its doggy bath day for me so im bathing the dog and he hates it but boo hoo stinky dog. maybe dont pee on yourself so often

also the plans are saturday!! i cant wait. and these are actually definitely go through so WWWWW

TRAILER DROP!!! WE GOT IT. POLYAMORY?!?! YES!! excited. thats all i can say

19:

time to get a little sad and vulnerable. got out of the house for the first time in awhile to go to my nana’s, she passed in late february and we’ve been working to sell the house and had a cleaning crew finish everything up before contracts were signed with realtors. and it was hella gutting seeing a home that has so many childhood memories emptied…or gutted i guess you could say, and today is the last day i’ll ever step foot in that house and it’s literally crazy. i dont regret not going up there as often as i could or anything but it is quite a sad conclusion to come to. it was a pretty productive day too, and im proud of myself! especially because ive been conscious about my productivity, motivation, and the like. so yay!

18:

i regret updating the tumblr app so bad..its so ugly now and theres so much to look at for what..i also woke up to some of the worst news imaginable for us americans, and like…idk

17:

yesterday was rough but i cant wait to see my bsfs so good vibes. great vibes even

it was fun!!!!!!!!!!! lightyear was..bad? it was very mid. but taika…so thats better. i gave it a 2/5 on letterboxd and the extra star was for taika so. but i feel so relieved i get to see them again because it really has been so long.. none of us have seen each other since we were 14!!!!!!!!! now we’re basically grown?!?!?

also ive been watching greys anatomy trying to catch up (for japril) and this show is so good but also extremely garbage… what do you mean deluca got stabbed in between episodes?? also these topical covid episodes are so tired and this is only episode 7 of a 20 episode season. if this whole season is covid themed ill kill myself because ive already heard the same spiel about feeling isolated and lonely and whatever. like yeah, everyone watching knows that, we all lived through the worst of it and have to deal with an unfinished aftermath. im so glad i waited to watch this because if at the high of the pandemic i tuned into this shit id be so over the show. but im attached to these characters and the neverending drama. im eating the tom and teddy stuff up!!!! i do want them to be together, i love tom and he deserves teddy. i quite like owen too and i feel bad for screwing him after he put in so much effort to make it work for teddy but thats exactly it. he shouldnt have to put up with her bs anymore (i like teddy too but girl)

16:

bored out of my mind.. so bored. thats all i can say today. bored.. i think im gonna force myself to start drawing again because i havent in months. i was in a bad burnout after art class so yk

15:

GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15!!!!!!! but KORACICK AND JACKSON LEFTttttt…. you can understand my pain. obviously it was for a good cause but goddammit!!!!!! ill miss you tom.. gone but never forgotten

14:

its day 13 but i completely forgot to update. it skipped my mind completely. i can’t remember anything that happened yesterday but teo weeks!!!!! two weeks left

13:

day 14 was an absolute blunder on my part. i knew missing a day was bound to happen eventually but man. that shows just how uneventful my days have been. i redownloaded genshin and this game is so boring even though i have all the inazuma and chasm stuff to do…but i hit 698?k with childe ult and that. makes me happy! back when i was into the game i was on a road to 1 million and this gets me about 7/10 of the way through…. im not p2w too so

I DISNT EVEN SKIP DAY 14. IM SO CONFUSED RN. YESTERDAY WAS DAY 14. IT IS DAY 13. god im such an idiot but im not going ro backspace any of this… late night phone call watching sing 2 and i got my best friend to watch some ofmd with me!! we are up to episode 6 but he fell asleep and i am so tored. also rsd is so awful like i love this show to death and when he doesnt laugh at something i want to cackle at i feel like im being stabbed brutally in the stomach? pretty sure hes enjoying it though. i feel glee! but the best part comes when i get to talk about every interview ive read, the story of how rhys was casted, because ive already had the honor of sharing tidbits like izzy canonically being the one who put the bows in eds beard in e5, and rhys taking sailing lessons while taika couldnt even read blackbeards wikia page… autism won today.

sing 2 was also an absolute blast, my friend asked if the little koala dude was voiced by the “guy who plays eddie from ofmd.” i was deeply confused, turns out he affectionately named stede ‘eddie,’ and no rhys does not voice buster moon. matthew mcconaughey does and he isnt even kiwi……. also i am like a rhys detector because that man is the voice of my conscious. it was a really great movie tho, like bono was in there and ??????? i love the sing franchise

12:

HAPPY JULY!!!!!!!! we are so close now. 1 week until thor, 12 days until wwdits, 4 months until greys anatomy, and about 1 year until omfd. its like everything is happening soon! also maybe i should stop thinking about time passing in my life relative to media i enjoy… but also it makes me happy. i watched boy (the taika movie) and that was another banger. taikas best talent isnt directing its finding insanely talented kids. boy is tonally similar to hunt for the wilderpeople but personally it lacks something in comparison? if i had to guess its because wilderpeople builds on family dynamics in a positive light while boy explores parental idolization and its wayyy too relatable at some points. its still a great film though 4.5/10 on letterboxd

11:

I think i counted the days wrong…? and now im weirdly confused and scared because it’s currently the 2nd and this is day..11? meaning this will end on the 13th as opposed to the 12th. this is so fucking scuffed and im not gonna edit anything i just have to live with my mistakes. maybe i really did miss day 14 though. im so confused?????? what happened. what went wrong.

anyway WE FINISHED OFMD TOGETHER!!!! he is not an izzy fan and im glad. hes also a jim/olu supremacist which like…yeah so true? now i just need to get him to watch wwdits and everything will be solved in the world probably

10:

TEN DAYS!!!!! (actually 9.) or maybe this is accurate but it goes to like 12:00 am july 13 which doesnt really count

anyway 5 am thoughts: been thinking about boy again and its growing very fond in my mind. i think letting the ending sit with me was for the better and i love this movie a lot more now (and i already loved it lots.) how cute

watched mysterious skin and damn. in life youre either a neil or a brian and i am a brian so hard. nothing really remarkable to say today

I DIDNT EVEN FUCK UP THE TIMING… the issue is that i always update this at like 5 am the next day and it throws everything off for me.. otherwise its the fourth of july i guess? nobody really celebrates this holiday anyway. its an excuse to grill and set off illegal fireworks and nobosy is thinking about the revolutionary war… also a bit of a rough time sociopolitically in the usa rn so. extra bunk holiday… i fixed up these star leds that have just been hanging on my wall for like 2 years and it added so much ambiance i love how my room looks now! its great

forgot to update again except this time 2 days in a row hahahahahahahaha i was writing out the july fourth thing yesterday but got distracted and it never saved. i pulled itto today though!!!!!!’ im so happy but rest in peace to the next banner because im definitely not getting whatever character is on it. genshin is occupying my brain again and i dont like the inazuma lore but the characters have grown on me (mainly people i can associate with ayaka because shes one of my favorite characters all time) but others still have the personality of like a wet rag (cough raiden yae kokomi and gorou) IF YOUR FAV IS ON THAT LIST, FIGHT ME! id like to be proven wrong honestly! i want to like the characters! otherwise ONE WEEK! ONE WEEK! YEAH YEAHHH

thor tmw!!!!! yeahhhhhhhh

that being all i wrote today tells so much. burn out isnt really the word because that seems like a real big overestimate but i am a bit exhausted of updating this, especially when i have to rack my brain for things to write? and i feel like im letting myself and others (despite me talking to a brick wall with this post basically) by not providing any interesting content in here. like that span of me playing terraria. how boring. and recently it’s been similarly dull. but luckily we’re coming to a quick end to this timeline with only a big 6 days left!

its also a real struggle to scroll all the way down. thor today! thor soon. 2 hours until thor! yay. but also woke up to some terrible news that my dog *COULD* have cancer, we wont know really for another 2 weeks and then we wont know for certain until after a biopsy. sucks like shit though, that dog is like a brother to me. but…thor! thor is getting me through this

ITS SO GOOD. and say what you want taika did put gay sex in the marvel movie. korgdwayne forever. i cant even begin to comprehend how much i enjoyed that like tis so real. i am biased i am. but also i dont care what cishet people have to say about this movie. the queer rep was there and frankly its all i ever wanted/ask for

OOPSIE DAISIE FORGOT TO UPDATE AGAIN. yesterday was fun. thor is my whole brain rn. thats all

3 days left is so crazy. like this has been 58 days of sheer insanity and its coming to a close.

late night/early morning thoughts: im in such a prison built by internalized ableism and i know unmasking is possible but i never see myself able to escape this endless fucking nightmare. i want to be unashamed about all my autistic traits but its unbelievably difficult.. and so many people who i love and who love me don’t really know me even if they talk to me every single day because i barely know myself because of how far buried he is. and so thats another thing ill have to deal with

talking about anything is so difficult for me to do. crossing the barrier of mentioning anything im watching or reading is like climbing mount everest especially to people i havent known basically my entire life and its so awful? i wish it wasnt such a struggle to be. even when im not talking and if im just thinking about a hf/si i feel so awful and like im failing and i cant take much more of this. any of it, the shame, the self deprecation, anything

SAW TOP GUN MAVERICK FINALLY!! im so glad i got to see it during the countdown its definitely part of the character arc ive went on throughout this post. what a tonal shift from yesterday also but wow only 2 days left! ive seen so many movies now… all i think of is movies anymore…. but its been a really good span of days recently i feel like summer is finally looking up! and soon wwdits is gonna be back with us like wow!!!! so much to look forward to im very excited. im always fucking excited for anything and everything. woo!!!

what can i say that hasnt already been said, what a fuckin journey this has been and its soon gonna come to fruition. and also what a better way to send this off than I AM SICK AGAIN. thats the spirit of the countdown really. today is a chill day and tomorrow im gonna rewatch the 2014 movie for vibe reasons but like. im so happy and proud. wooooooo!!!!!

also i love walking around the house and hearing ra ra rasputin blaring loud on the tv cause the wwdits trailer. it makes me happy but im also remindes like oh shit this show is on cable tv. weird feeling? havent watched a show on cable in so long

ITS OVER. THE WAIT IS OVER! i said most of the “sappy” shit yesterday but now its all official. im not gonna keep this going in between weekly episodes as a cheap way to keep this going. its over today. TODAY! gonna rewatch the movie in a bit probably just to get in a really vampiric mood but also the moon is full tonight iirc? what a coincidence (probably)

Well folks. thats the end there! just watched episode 3 so its exactly a week after this countdown so i think its a better time to write the conclusion, because its weird that it just cuts off. but there isnt a conclusion cause i already wrote it on days 1 & 0. see you next year when ofmd s2 is announced!

#kstposts #countdown #slowly melting…into a pile of melted me #aka: kite keeps a 60 day diary

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arvoze · 3 years ago

Text

btw in lieu of disease deactivating her tumblr + deleting her shit attempt at a callout on me & my friends + putting a stupid “if youre here to stir up drama please leave” on her TH as if being a groomer and compulsive liar is “drama” here’s ermmm. well.

deleting your attempted callout on me won’t mean a thing when i have a logged dissection of the whole doc to refute you so! have fun trying to hide shit LOL

this has the majority of her attempted callout on me logged but is missing parts w/ images in it idk if i have them anywhere unfortunately. im only posting this so it’s logged somewhere accessible x

everything in quotes are direct copypastes from her document. each sc will have the exact thing copypasted right underneath it so sorry if it feels repetitive

lewis:

Before I begin this callout, I wanna start off by addressing some things that will be said during it. Back then, I was not in the right mind frame I needed to be and shit talked a LOT. I said some things about others that were never deserved and I regret them to this day. A few people who I have done this to either have forgiven me or I have simply let it stay in their mind for when they are ready to talk to me. I have already grown up from this behavior and have made myself into a better person than I was years agp. Because of this,, I want to address behavior from other users that were never addressed.

i dont think this in particular needs to be explained since she's very, very clearly still pent up about shit and shits on people all the time. the sheer amount of hate she has for me is just really weird at this point and she takes any chance she can get to shit on me in particular and it's just. you haven't changed? you're still the manipulative, lying shithead you've always been and even your ""best friend"" says you haven't changed after years so. fun! [00:36] "you are a good person" is actually a very common thing for her to say during issues tbh

XX [redacted name]:

It's so irking, and we are no longer friends of any sort, that's the end of that for sure.

lewis:

Back in 2018-2019 (Whenever), I was shoved into a Call out post by the user ColorCodex ( Also known as Pongo) that discussed all MY shit talks but never about the real behavior of some people that need to be aware of. This callout of mine was deleted when Pongo came to realization that the call out was petty on their end and didn’t really display anything other than a typical 18/19 being a shit talky idiot on the web.

pongo is the former owner of the server that you've joined, which i now own -- pongo has actually told me that she regrets deleting the callout, especially because she's lost all of that stuff now, and really can't stand anima anymore. i'd have to dig a little to find it, but also (havent fully read what pongo said in the screenshots) pongo and i are currently close, and oftentimes when we dm it's me giving her comfort and advice when she asks for it. so uh, i don't think pongo has any issues with me xP

I also would like to publicly say that a large portion of my proof is missing due to the fact I couldn’t get the people who saw any of this to actually cooperate and help me make this document. Only a select few did and it really shows how messed up this fandom is becoming.

lewis:

afaik she's never came to anybody who i know about anything, otherwise we'd have been made aware. i wouldn't be surprised if she was picking and choosing within her own circle, which is very, very small. there's no indication of the fandom being messed up; just that nobody wants to talk to her in particular since most people know she's full of shit by now.

This is a Callout on Arvozephyr/Lewis, Si-ko/Russelspacecat and a few other members of the Keroro Gunso community.

this is a very weird statement from her. and by that i mean, "russelspacecat" was never siko's name, it was russelthespacecat, her former tumblr url, and my tumblr URL (arvoze) was apparently not listed. but my twitter is listed and siko's isn't? plus siko's tumblr URL changed way before she made this doc (going off of icons in screenshots) so idk why she wouldn't have put the effort in to get that right

XX:

I think she's trying to hard to make it seem like yall are villians and trying to list all the socials

lewis:

This will be a big topic to cover so lets start off with the small portions. I met Lewis around 2017 or 2018, We met on Artfight and a Keroro gunso Amino when I was giving away free old adopts. I want to point out that His Orikero, Takaka, is an OLD adoptable from me. He refuses to credit me for the character as whole because he ‘Redesigned’ them. I haven’t further tried to gain credit from this Oc but I do regret giving him that Oc.

yes, the "redesign" is completely different to the "old" design, because of reasons i shared before -- i only asked for the oc so i wouldn't have been called out on making something "inspired" by a character i didn't own. the original design was included in the original image, but they're not too similar (takaka's appearance is actually based on something within the keroro anime itself, which i can provide). she does try to claim that she "made" takaka, but the redesign is so heavy that i don't really think it warrants linking directly back to her. in his TH description for a while i did state that he was originally designed by her and redesigned by me, but i took that out some time after cutting ties w/ her, i'm not sure when exactly. even if she "gave" me the oc, it wouldn't have been anything near the one she oh-so-heavily fell in love with and obsessed over. the original image is no longer on toyhouse, but i can see if i can find it somewhere in my files [00:48] sory i typed this in notepad kjdfgfkdg [00:49] yeah she loves not being the villain

lewis:

(i cant find the original image but to be fair trying to sift thru 3500 images is hard ;; )

XX:

I okay trust me i understand entirely

lewis:

I wanna address that he is a very BIG manipulator and uses ‘Formal talk’ to get whatever he wants. During my time in the Keroro gunso server, Lewis had a really big hard-on for getting upset if anyone remotely copied his orikeros. There’s a user named ‘Jarkster” that he absolutely LOATHED because of a Character named ‘Yoyoyo’ that Jarkster owned looking slightly like Lewis’s orikero named ‘Peruru’.

something i can get screenshots for! i actually don't care if people do stuff similar to me, especially if it's unintentional. my only gripes are when it's direct inspiration from characters that are very openly close to me, since it's kind of a general consensus that we all respect eachother wrt designs. fun fact: she's the one who got pissed over anyone doing anything slightly similar to her stuff, and was always of the assumption that everybody knew all of her characters, so anything with a similar theme must be inspired by her. extra fun fact: i did actually make one of my ocs out of spite against her for this fact; claiming that a character with multiple mouths was similar to one of her ocs. bonus fun fact: she's the one who did all the instigating against jark & the oc, and i'm on totally good terms with jark now. i know i'm sometimes a little scary and intimidating but that's kind of just The Way I Am, and ultimately i still look out for him where i can. i'll always have issues with everybody, and i say this a lot where it's relevant, but frankly that stuff doesn't matter, cuz people are always gonna have problems with me too, so i stopped expecting perfection a while back. [00:58] lemme go get some stuff about this oc and jark

XX:

Okeedokee! I know i dont trust them after the stealing the concepts of others ocs

lewis:

(ive just got the go-ahead from pongo to share the stuff w meke! but ill get that later) [ note: this was about a conversation prior, about disease lying about her “dead best friend” but was included to avoid it looking like messages were deleted/removed. i only skip a few parts in here since it’s not relevant to documenting her scrapped callout ] [01:04] im gettin stuff rq but fun fact about this dm

IMAGE LINK

she removed all this from it :sob:

IMAGE LINK

XX:

of course she hides the fact u should do soemthing rancid

[ there’s then a compilation of her doing exactly what she accused me of doing, including me clearly saying that i didn’t want to[1] have this stuff said[2] to me all the time[3] -- also note the person being discussed and i are presently friends and have been for a long time, since we actually talked things out. ]

XX:

yeah I getchu! i started having doubts you were as bad as she was depicting you. I ws like aint no way ima be yelled at if i came in and asked some info

lewis:

YEAH im v chill like im impulsive and i have anger problems sometimes but i lke. actually started to work on those LMAO [02:02] srry i just finished anther part of this response so ill send it

Of course, This naturally did not end THERE. Because its such a big deal to go off the wall bonkers at others, He even turned on a friend of his because he believed they were also stealing designs.

this is. really shit wording to use on a doc that's meant to be serious, but i'm not surprised. i have no idea who the "friend" in question is, it's totally unclear who she's talking about here. my responses were part of the deletion, so i can't get the context either. no idea what she's saying in this part

There’s plenty more of Lewis talking poorly about Jarkster in other logs but the logs were lost in a server that he lied about being the ‘original founder’ and pressured me into giving to him even though I made it. He may have SAID something about it but I was the one who originally made it.

this is the private server, that we refer to as w12! (short for "we're 12", though the full server name is "we're 12 HELP US PLEASE"). i have never once claimed to be the "founder" of the server -- even in my first announcement after coming into ownership of the server, i say that "now the server is under new management" -- i'm really open about her being the former owner! one of these logs are lost, by the way; which means she's under the assumption that i deleted stuff after becoming owner and banning her, which i didn't. every channel that's ever existed has been archived by me, just in case anything was ever needed again.

the server was actually originally an idea between my bf and i, and i shared that idea with her, to which she then ran with it without consulting us. here's part of our final conversation in the server with her, where she admits to "finding" that this was the case, only conveniently finding the "proof" after i'd said i'd found it: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/523973446028361744/530852530415075328/unknown.png

XX: [ accidentally not captured just above this ]

that is ironically sus that she suddenly found it

lewis:

yyyyyyep! she absolutely wasn't looking for it [02:11] (i can probably check this to see if an img was attached but i want to cover the whole doc first)

pongo stuff [ note -- this was in hard-to-read screenshots and i was tired of copypasting at that point so some of this from the doc might actually be lost ]

pongo and i have had a fair amount of animosity towards eachother over the years but that is no longer the case. i don't really know the full context of this but anima really does take pongo's word as gospel, which is fucked up, considering she absolutely fucking hates pongo and everything about her. i can't tell the date of this either, since i assume it was capped on the day. we did have a lot of in-group problems at this point, and i don't think i'd be the only one to admit to that. siko and i did intentionally lead her on at times, but never to the extent that she did, and especially not doing anything like fucking grooming children.

"lewis' server is all about validation and hate speech" -- this is legitimate! this was a concern i had at some point, since we had a private channel for complaining about other people in. after a lot of thought and deliberation i removed everybody's access from the channel, because i didn't like the hivemind environment that i was creating. i still vent about things, most of it private, but i do think having reactions to stuff is only natural. i'm not gonna flat-out deny this stuff happened cuz it did. & i *did* have the mentality that "this is fine because you did worse than i did". it's not really something i carry with me much anymore, but i do think it still slips in here and there.

what i'm interested in is who this conversation is with, since it's clearly not anima herself. UPDATE -- i know exactly who this is; it's one of anima's friends, R (redacted since he's not relevant). i didn't realise the discord language was italian, of which he's the only associate i know to live in italy. the stuff about "freedom" as a mod -- one of us are like that anymore! we just moved on and did better, and even as the server owner, i still ask for permission from the people below me before i make any decisions for the server. (it's really strange if i did say jark shouldn't ask or consult -- not sure if i did -- since for a long time i've been with the belief that consulting/letting people know stuff is the right way to moderate). [02:13] uh oh i cant tell if the other person in the doc is her or not cuz of this kjfkdgdfkg

lewis:

OH i didnt cover specifically this statement

I wanna address that he is a very BIG manipulator and uses ‘Formal talk’ to get whatever he wants.

no, i don't use it to get whatever i want. i'm simply just british and literate and i like my big words sometimes and i like saying big things and taking things seriously. this is very evident when you talk to me tbh [02:16] closed the doc out of paranoia but now i shall cover this part

this is such a weird fucking statement. like. you know we just talk about things right? like we just? talked things out and got over it? there's no "stockholm syndrome" it's literally just adults deciding to be adults and settling things, which is something she's never actually done in her life, as far as i'm aware. we just. talked. and moved on. we did a 180 because we're not balls-deep in the past like she is. she'll be absolutely devastated to find out that pongo and i are friends, i think. i don't think she has any idea about what's happened between any of us and is just making assumptions.

she's really trying to hammer in an evil narrative at the end, which i think is obvious. i don't really care, cuz if doing better and trying to fix things with people makes me a manipulator, then i guess i'm the best fucking manipulator out there. it kind of just reeks of trying to put a specific narrative in your head a la conspiracy theory videos, shit makes no sense and if anything makes her even less reliable [02:21] this part is funny cuz i don't think i even posted the callout anywhere ngl

again i hold nothing against pongo but the mention of someone named salt brings to mention -- we didn't outcast him for being friends w/ disease (we kind of did), it was the way he romanticized abuse and incest and actively drew incest wrt moomin characters and the likes. also his username is literally "saltyshota" so you can imagine what he's like

IMAGE CAPTION: [..] dare like her at all or still associate with her, they outcasted Salt just because he wanted to stay friends with her, like that’s his vite, why should they care, I certainly don’t care, if I did, I wouldn’t have remained friends with Sutata, but regardless doing such a thing is petty, I seen Lewis call Salt and Sutata and [..]

lewis:

none of this stuff w/ pongo would have been after she found out about the grooming stuff btw, afaik

these 2 users in question are raptor and motley, raptor after finding everything out and motley after i messaged them to let them know. i know these two people much better than she does (the former moreso) so i knew they wouldn't want any kind of support from her. both of them i asked if they wanted reimbursement(?) for any lost money but to my memory (not sure) they both declined, which is obviously fine, i just didn't want them to lose money.

XX:

I know you said someone was there but did anything change? I think shes offically blocked me now but now i am very curious [02:28] because that last bit sounds like her recent complaint?

lewis:

might take me a while to find this chat if it even exists, which is really funny, considering we've been part of a GC where she "apologised" to me about stuff wrt stealing ocs, paying someone to rip off my oc (takaka) and saying stuff like "oh i didnt actually know he would look like that i just had the finished image!"

it'll take a while to find, but she was full of shit with that too -- and i know it, because i have the entire comm chatlog from the artist themself! i just didn't connect the lies until after it was over so i never had the chance to call her out on that

not sure, i can check again maybe, i dont remember what was there befre

[ END DOCUMENT RESPONSE ]

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