#I MEAN I LOVE CLIFFHANGERS AND I'M VERY EXCITED TO READ NEXT CHAPTER

[inhales-agressively]

"he has been tortured"

I LEAPT OFF THE COUCH

HE WHAT

HE WHAT

HE FUCKING WHAT

W H A T

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[copper-16]

Chapter 8 has been posted - but before everyone goes to read, a little bit of an announcement on my end:

This is going to be my last longer Mapi/Ingrid story, and probably the end of me being super active/posting on ao3 and tumblr. I might write the occasional story here and there, but writing is not bringing me the same joy it once was and I want to dedicate my time to other things. I’ll still be around reading on ao3 and somewhat on Tumblr, but I just won’t be posting a whole ton on either. I’ve been so incredibly lucky to get to know all of you guys on here, and to receive so much love for my work. It means the absolute world to me - and thank you all so much for welcoming me into this little community so wonderfully! I hope the stories I wrote were able to bring just a little bit of happiness when you guys needed it (even if I constantly left everyone on cliffhangers - I truly am sorry about that).

The rest of this is long, and you don't have to read it if you don't want to, you can just go ahead to the story now if you would like. I'm not known for my ability to keep concise, that is for certain. If brevity is the soul of wit - perhaps we know why my stories aren't very funny!

I’ve especially enjoyed joining tumblr and really finding a little community here. Getting to interact with so many people, both those who read my works and those who don’t, has been such a joy for me. I love getting to hear when people like the things I've written, even if it touches them in a small way. I love getting to interact with so many brilliant minds and am forever in awe of how much amazing talent there is in this little corner of the internet! I've made some incredible friends from getting to be on here, and it makes me so happy to have a little community of people I love. Thank you guys for letting me have space here even if I don’t write reader works or know how this app works most of the time.

I started writing seriously in September 2022 and I can't tell you how much joy it has brought me in the last two years. As someone who doesn't enjoy the college degree they are currently getting, this was such a fun creative outlet for me. It was so cool to have this blank canvas to work with, to weave things together, especially as I began to write longer stories. Writing was a place to destress for me and interact with other people who loved football as I was coming to love it. Every single kudos, comment, and bookmark meant so much to me. Even when it was something silly like someone dubbing the 'Copper Monologue,' it made me feel so seen. Someone cared enough to read enough of my works to pick out the fact that I do that? Absolutely mind blowing to me. It's crazy to hear that people cared about the silly little stories I wrote. When someone told me that I was one of the things to help inspire them to write their own stuff - I think I properly sobbed. It meant more to me than anything has in this entire world, and it still does! Writing has helped me to process, it's helped me to grow, it's helped me learn to identify my emotions and struggles and think through my own thought processes. I hope that maybe for someone out there, it could help them do that as well. It's a little strange for me not to want to do that anymore. Writing this last story solidified to me that for the most part it was time to be done, and HDITA was more of a goodbye than anything else. But even with that, it feels strange not to be thinking of my next idea, thinking of how I am going to create characters and relationships and plot lines.

I think for me right now, I'm just excited to be myself. Maybe this vessel of writing was what I needed to get myself through the last two years. I wrote la princesa when I was at my absolute worst in life, and as I've grown and matured as a person, I like to think that my writing has. I no longer find myself in a place where it fills a huge void in my own life that I once needed.

I've grown a lot as a writer these few years (those who read my earlier works will understand), and I'm excited to one day come back to it, maybe in a different sphere. I love the idea now of writing a real book. It always terrified me before - I didn't know where I would start or if I would be horrible at it. But you all have given me the confidence that maybe at least one person would like it, and maybe that's enough of a reason to try. So thank you all for holding my hand and encouraging me. I hope that if nothing else, everyone remembers that a little bit of kindness on here or ao3 or anywhere on the internet costs nothing, and yet can go a long way.

It did for me.

But enough of my sappy rambling, please enjoy this last chapter of mine. I hope it brings you as much joy as it brought me when I was writing it. Love you all so so much!

Chapter 8 of How Do I Trust Again?

[fireflyatlast]

As promised: Rite Here Rite Now Review

Spoiler free above the cut, spoilers WILL be under the cut. (Word count: 1110)

Wow wow wow. In simple terms, RHRN was incredible. The recordings were edited very well, the crowd was great, the vocals were amazing as always, and the long-awaited continuation of the chapters was very satisfying.

As a newer fan (really started listening right when Re-Imperatour was ending) I unfortunately never got the chance to ever see any shows live. However, despite my newer status, I have made Ghost a key part of my interests. (ask any of my lovely irl friends, they've had the misfortune of hearing my rants.) I've watched countless interviews and old rituals in order to make up for lost time, but never have I felt more immersed in any Ghost media than I did when I saw the KIA shows on the big screen. It didn't feel like I was in row G seat 12 of my "local" mall's Regal Cinema, it felt like I was right there in LA.

The opening 5 minutes as Square Hammer plays softly in the background was great. Because there wasn't much going on on the screen, everyone in the theater that I was in was softly humming or singing to themselves quietly (Side note: I was worried that people would be super disruptive as the movie was going on, and I was really happy to not have those worries realized. My theater was respectful for the most part, and the only time anyone sang was during that five-minutes of not much.) It felt very nice to belong amongst such a nice community irl. As an introverted neurodivergent, sometimes I struggle to find places or people welcoming or sharing my interests. So being in a theater full of people who love the same thing as me, as much as me, was such a nice feeling.

The cinematography during the entirety of RHRN was great, with my personal favorite segment being Con Clavi Con Dio. The editing was really nice for the most part, and I love the development Cardi was given throughout the movie. I feel my one gripe with the filming is that while we did get great perspective shots on the ghouls, we didn't get much of their personalities. And yes, I get that technically they are just hired musicians and not the main focus by any means, I think it just would have been nice to see more than just a handful of clips of them interacting with each other or Papa.

All in all, RHRN was a wonderful experience and I strongly suggest any Ghost fan out there gives it a watch.

And now its time for my more story-based review. Spoilers under the cut!!

Again, wow. I was pretty excited to finally get some more of the chapters, I'm a big fan of anything that has "lore" even if it doesn't need it, so I definitely owe the chapters a thanks for really getting me into Ghost.

I was thrilled to find that we finally had a true conformation of Cardi's parents. I had always theorized that while Nihil was Copia's father, Copia had come from an affair with the audience members in the Kiss the Go-Goat music video, and that Imperator was Copia's adoptive mother after Nihil's abandonment of him. It's good to know I was wrong rather than not I guess.

Something I also enjoyed was the constant foreshadowing of Sister's death. It wasn't very subtle, but its definitely something I only connected the dots to at the end. Whenever we saw Sister, we saw pills. Lots and lots of pills. I had originally brushed this off as a background joke, but once Cardi reads her note, I realized that the pills were for her unnamed "condition." I think going into it, all of us knew someone would die, I just personally thought that someone would be Copia, not Sister.

That after-credit scene was amazing too. I loved Cardi's new outfit, and the conformation that yes, there will have to be another papa. Which obviously, yes, of course there has to be a new papa, but now, it just feels so much more real. Speaking of the new papa I WISH WE COULD HAVE SEEN HIM AAH! I get cliffhangers, but he was RIGHT THERE!

I'm excited for the next era and the next papa, the next costume of the ghouls. I have a theory though. I see a lot of people being stressed about the changing of the ghoul costumes with the new era, but I think we have one more cycle with the Impera masks. I've noticed that each mask and costume stays the same for two cycles. Opus to Infestissumam, the only thing that changed was the costumes becoming more remnant of Catholic ministry-wear. From Meliora to Prequelle, the masks stayed mostly the same, now with an added more feminine looking mask and more "suit like" outfits over religious attire. I definitely think we have one more era with the Impera masks, but different costumes. Also speaking of the ghouls one of them talked!! I think it was Mountain, but honestly I have a shit memory and it could have been anyone.

Onto my focus on who Cardi actually is. I am so happy we finally got more of a look into his mind now that he is papa. I feel like his personality when he was Cardinal was very timid and awkward, however I never thought he would stay that way at all. I like that he's way more confident now, to the point that he's questioning the higher authority of the ministry and their ways. I love that this confidence is partly just a mask to keep his fears of death hidden. I think his fears manifesting as an angry, questioning personality gives him a lot more depth than if he just gained confidence through his performances, which obviously happened too, don't get me wrong.

The last thing I want to discuss is the credit song, "The Future is a Foreign Land." First off, loved it. It was great musically, and the uncertainty in the lyrics fit very well with all of our uncertainty about the next cycle. Second off, I can't be the only one who think it sounds very similar to Subvision. I personally love Subvision, and even if its only for that one song, I'm super glad that style was revived for Ghost.

In conclusion, I love the developments made in RHRN, and I am more than excited for whatever is next. I think my brain will have to marinate on what I saw a bit more, maybe then I'll have some actual theories.

[joemama-2]

Hi! So I read every chapter so far of velvet lies last night in a span of like 3-4 hours and it was very very early day for my timezone when I finished it and I have absolutely no regret staying up so late and missing sleep to read it! Usually with series, if they're longer and I start reading the 1st chapter really late in the evening I like to read the 1st chapter or 2 to get a feel of the story, then sleep because it's already late, then finish the story when I wake up, but I could not do that with velvet lies. I was very invested and couldn't find a stopping place😭 (in a good way) after each chapter i'd be like "just 1 more and then i'll sleep" but then something would happen and it'd be a cliff hanger and i'd be like "noooo what happens next" and read the next chapter😭. Every chapter I grew more and more invested, all the little twists and turns, some of them had my jaw on the floor at times.

When reading certain parts and dialog I could actually visualize what was being described. Everything was really descriptive and for me it really helped me paint a picture and actually just visualize your story!

I had to turn your post updates on because I missed the slot for the taglist, and I don't want to miss the next update. I'm really excited to see what comes next in the story! And I'm already thinking of so many different scenarios of different things that could happen😭 But Gojo better get home soon and help reader deal with his "girlfriend" cuz reader been through to much, and if she gets hurt I think it's really going to impact her decision of staying with Satoru (I have scenarios for what I mean by this as well but 😭😭) I'm so scared for reader and Koji.

Thank you for writing and I'm very excited to see what comes next! 🫶🩵 :)

OY MY GOD THIS WARMS MY SOUL 🥹 i hope you make up on your sleep lost!!! im the exact same tho! its like i can’t sleep knowing that i don’t know what happens next!

when writing my chapters, that’s honestly my intention. not leaving off an a cliffhanger per say, but leaving off at a point that just leaves you iiiitching for more

visual descriptions are big for me because i want my readers to get a clear decoration of what’s happening in that scene and how it makes sense. though i try not to spend toooo long on describing something because i can understand that may be annoying for some people lolll.

and turning on my post notifs?? oh i love you

and finally yes, when gojo says and does certain things, it remind reader of why they can’t work out. but in those little moments, she wonders about the what ifs. rn, all she needs is support 🥺

[4ndeka]

Hey! I just lost a lot of sleep last night reading the contradiction and I just have to say I am LOVING it! The story is just SO sweet and you write so well!

I especially love how you’ve tackled writing sigma! He can be very hit or miss with some authors lol he’s a complex guy. Im pretty particular when it comes to how he’s written too so believe me I mean it when I say you knocked it out of the park so far with him. Compliments to the chef 👏

The cliffhanger has literally got me at the edge of my seat tho, WTF IS HE UP TO! Why is he fucking up his eye! I’m very excited to see what happens next! :D

ty for the lovely comment im so glad ur enjoying the fic XD !! I'm gonna try to get the next chapter out as soon as i can, but until then have some silly art i did for ch4 ♡

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

slides into your inbox

hi i uh. drank a sinister potion (dr. pepper) on the way to school this morning and the problem with perfection filled my head for the fiftieth time so. i'm here now. soooo uh, warning for a very crazy caffeine induced audhd rant. 👍

i just like.... kinda wanna let u know how much this fic means to me. like fr. like seriously. it means a lot to me. we've been mutuals for a while so i feel like now's def a good time (and a long time coming lmao)

iirc i found ur fic when i was in the danganronpa trenches in like, 2021/2022 i think? it was summer and i had nothing better to do with my free time and i was super bored and ishimondo was my personality and i found it while going thru ao3 and was like "yeah. this sounds cool"

and i did NOT know what i was getting into let me tell you. adored the writing really fast. ur skill level actually blew me the fuck away like. instantly. all the characters were incredibly in character, everything was so detailed and i LOVED the fact that you made your writing very emotion driven. like you wrote a lot with like, exaggerated punctuation and pauses and spaces and stuff that i rarely ever see but i feel like your writing was like, so much better for that??? its something i've started to use in my writing because it just draws you in so much and just. puts you into their shoes almost instantly. like it sounds like you're in their head. like i think like that (got that narrator brain in me) and it was just so cool to see someone write like that. got a lot of good moments

and i honest to god binged that fic because it had me by a chokehold. like i'm talking i barely got sleep because i was so excited to read the next chapter the next day that my body would wake me up earlier. and i'd pull it out and binge the next chapter. and when i got to a point where the chapters where still being updated, i remember checking like. every sunday night or so every week to see if it got updated. so many cliffhangers that i was not normal about..........

and i recommended it to EVERYONE i knew that was into danganronpa. like i did not care if they usually read fanfiction or not i would sit there and go on infodump rants about this gay fanfiction i found on the gay fanfiction site and ik i confused them but like. that was how good it was to me. felt like it was a real book. and not only that i honest to god felt like i was reading about me.

like the way you wrote taka meant and continues to mean so much to me to this fucking day because i rarely ever see characters that are like me, at least in an honest to god way. and i was already connected to taka and loved him but i think you made him feel like an extension of me in a way and it just like. idk. it spoke to me man. ik i sound dramatic but it did.

like an autistic queer kid with a strict parent being thrown into so many situations where you just automatically assume everyone else is watching you, judging you, based on past trauma and experiences and just. at the same time so emotional and passionate and just genuine for lack of a better term. and the panic attacks that were written i actually almost had some during reading it because i felt it. that felt like me honest to god (not a bad thing btw!!! i am ok!! but that's a compliment because that's how accurate it was!!)

and during a time where i was dating people who just. idk its hard to explain. i knew they cared about me but there were so many times where there were disconnects. sexuality and gender (gender's not really a part of the story ik but yk what i mean) was a big one. and i felt how he would feel when mondo wasn't exactly the best when it came to his behaviors and expressions of love.

and now i'm with someone who is like. mondo at all his best moments. and even when he matches mondo's lower ones it feels like, there's more times where we can do what they did in the fic and work through it. be there for each other because even if we're both fucked up yk we can like. work through it. and that's so cool honestly?? its not transactional, it means something. i've felt both sides and it's so. crazy to me. it's just wild.

and while i didn't read a lot of it (mental health was NOT in a space where i could i'm gonna be so real) the other installment, the one where mondo comes over to taka's house and they gotta hide and stuff? i've felt that. god i've felt that. my current boyfriend (also a trans man) and i have had so many times where we've had to act as "friends" and hide our romantic gestures and being so deathly afraid of getting caught yk?

idk this fic made me feel seen, and i wonder if there's like... anyone else that feels that way. idk i feel like their definitely is. and i just kinda wanna like. thank you for writing something that just. made me feel heard in a time when i really really needed it. even if we didn't know each other it felt so wild to have a stranger sit there and give me and indirect hug and let me know that i am not the only guy struggling out there with this stuff. it's changed the way i view myself and how i view the world and it's so cool to me that even fanfiction of all things can do that. that's nuts man. you did that and i really wanna emphasize that you should be proud of that. that's so cool. you're writing is so fucking cool man.

and also another thing i. love. that you also wrote about sex being a form of like. expressing love for some people. i am demisexual so like. seeing a character that seemed to also exhibit that and really only feel and have that strong attraction to someone they love romantically and have a connection with, and do it to let the other person know they love them. it's like. that's cool. that's so cool. i'm shaking you that's so cool /pos

and while i'm not fixated on dr right now (as you can. probably tell. (btw obligatory "watch lego monkie kid but also you do not have to i just wanna let you know its cool" plug because of Tha Autism(tm)), and while my comic i was going to make is on a very long hiatus bc adhd is beating the shit out of me, i really want you to know how much i appreciate this fic and how much it just. lives in my brain. how much it makes me emotional to this day because it spoke to me; some random dude who was just getting out of high school who fucking needed that really really bad. and also i want you to know how excited i was when we become mutuals and i'm really really lucky to have someone so cool as my mutual, and you've become even cooler in my brain now that we're kinda yk. in a vaguely similar circle.

anyways i appreciate you so much!!!! and even if we're in different fandoms and stuff, and even if tpwp is also not being continued/on a hiatus i still appreciate what you did with it, and what you do now. don't understand all the fandoms you post but i got that respect for it. i'm in the corner with pom poms cheering u on.

so um. yeah! that was long. but i'm hyped up on caffeine and neurodivergent so ujhm. yea. hopefully this made sense lmao

~ your very much not normal mutual tyler 👍

Okay, sorry for the late response, I saw this when I got up this morning and needed the day to figure how to respond because this was. So much (in a good way I promise!!!!)

So, first of all, THANK YOU FOR THIS!! It's easy as a fic writer to feel discouraged with your writing, or to feel like you're not as "good" as other people, and it's things like this that remind me that whether or not I'm a "good writer," what I write does matter to people. And that's just... really special to me, so thank you for writing this all. It means so much to me.

I'm glad you like the dramatic pauses and the way I write, though! When I was younger, I always tried to limit doing that sort of thing, since I knew it wasn't considered "good" or "proper" writing. But with TPWP I just... decided to let myself write how I wanted to write and not think too much about it. I wrote TPWP kind of how I think, because I wanted it to feel like it was Taka's thoughts and emotions, even if it wasn't in first person. And I'm really glad that came across!

I've always been really big into psychology and introspection, which is one of the main reasons I write about things like that a lot. I like to get into characters heads and try to figure them out. See what they'd be like if this thing happened, or if this thing hadn't happened, etc. I write about struggles, because I struggled as a kid, but in more quiet ways. I mean, all things considered I had a good life. supportive, loving parents and older brother, good grades, people generally liked me and I never got in trouble. But I was so determined to do well that I psyched myself out. I was terrified of disappointing people and losing what I had, and I crumbled in middle and high school. Luckily I had good parents so I was able to stumble through it, but it always left me feeling isolated, since I could never articulate why I felt so off inside. It wasn't until I took an "abnormal psych" class in college that I even realized I had intense anxiety.

All of this to say that I'm glad I was able to resonate with you through my writing. I could never find the words to articulate myself when I was younger, so I took to writing to try and connect with people, to get a message across. Most of my stories have some form of "moral" or "lesson" that I'm trying to get across, lessons that I had to learn myself growing up. TPWP's was that perfection is impossible and that you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are. Honestly, I put the most of myself into Taka, since while I never had a distant parental figure who wanted me to be absolutely perfect, I was kinda that figure to myself. I wanted so badly to be "perfect" and "the favorite" and when I wasn't, I freaked out. I shut down and couldn't even explain to my parents why. So, with TPWP, I wanted to let other people know that it's okay to just... be you.

I don't know if any of this is making any sense, sorry. I had a long day at work and my head is a bit jumbled. Mostly just... thanks for writing this. Things have been tough lately between school and work, and it's nice to be reminded that my stories do matter to people. I never wanted to be a professional writer, but I did always want to write something that made someone, somewhere, feel something. Hopefully something good, something cathartic.

Oh, and as for the sex thing... that was honestly unintended, ha. But I'm Ace, so to me, that's what sex is. Or what it should be. A way to connect emotionally with your partner above all else. Honestly, the only reason I wrote sex into TPWP was to explore the way it would interact with their friendship, not to be like... sexual, ha. Glad you liked how I wrote it!

Anyway, thanks again for writing this!! And I'm glad we're mutuals too! Yeah, I am part of some interesting fandoms on my main blog, but I'm glad it's not too off-putting, ha. I'll try and check out that show some day, though! I don't have a lot of emotional energy to get into a new show at the moment (as I'm sure some people can understand, since starting a new fandom can be a lot at times), but maybe once (IF) things calm down for me I'll take a look! I have seen a lot of posts about the monkie kid show, not just from you, so it's something I might check out one of these days. I'm mostly waiting for Our Flag Means Death season 2 to air tomorrow so I can get washed away into Pirate Town for the next month or so, while the episodes release. 😅😅😅

[lillsisamarshmallow]

Hii, could you please add me to the "7 hybrids moved in with me" taglist? I've read all posted chapters so far and I love it so much! I really enjoy how you portray the relationship between her and the members, and I love Soyeon so much, she and her bat are such a mood honestly! And the ending of the latest chapter is so mean I love it so much, I'm so excited to see how everything will play out with Jiyoon (I honestly thought that Eun or Jangho is behind the letters, but that would've been the obvious choice 🤧) so excited for the next chapter!!!

Hii, I will add you to the taglist!

Tysm! Honestly yeah, Seoyeon's bat was a last minute addition to that scene because I thought it was funny and Seoyeon reminds me of a friend I used to have too and it was totally something she would have done. Lmao, I'm so mean 🤭 I love leaving the chapters on weird cliffhangers, I love seeing everyone's reactions, but it's also great for starting the next chapter!

I actually went back and changed a big part of the next chapter because of the feedback about people reacting to Jiyoon, so hopefully it feels a little bit more satisfying now 😉

I happy that I was able to get people to think that it was Jangho and Eun because when I was writing all of their appearances they never felt 'mean' enough ?

The next chapter should be out tomorrow and I sincerely hope everyone enjoys it. it is on the shorter side (I think?) but I'm still very happy with it. I've never written scenes like the one I wrote in that one so I hope it comes across well. 💜 🫶

[h5eavenly]

🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️: honestly hyunjin in the written chapter gave me goosebumps.. like the duality he has and the way he genuinely is sincere about everything he's ever done for y/n. He wants y/n but y/n isn't too sure about this at all.

They both like eachother but they don't know how to express it because in their teenage years they were just kids excited to hold hands and stuff and now that they're adults and gave eavhother another chance they want to make it all perfect.

The thing that makes this story unique is the way you potray things, like you are very sure of what you will write next and the way you update quickly. In the smau chapters you portray hyunjin as this cocky guy still trying to figure out what love means, which most people don't do.

If you read the boy is bad news hyunjin smau, hyunjin was rude and arrogant and didn't change for anyone even after they started dating.

Whereas in your story showing us his journey and how he changed as the story goes on

I feel like that's why we all have started to love hyunjin (loved him from the start) because we can genuinely see he cares for what he feels and the things surrounding him

STILL MAD ABT THE CLIFFHANGER

( answer to your question!! )

sorry it took me this long to get back to you. I know that you're one of the few ppl who liked hyunjin right from the start so reading what you have to say about him is always a blessing and as ive always said i love reading your thoughts and opinions. with yn i don't think she's unsure i think she was even sure of him when they were "enemies" i think she always knew she had feelings for him but the secrets shes hiding from him are always a barrier between them where hyunjin is honest so everything flows easier for him.

thank you so much for answering my question!! aa this is so much fun thank you for writing to me and talking to me <3 i'm so happy you're enjoying this as much as i enjoy writing it

[buzzybeexoxo]

Considering you are the biggest (and maybe only real) fan of my "Shadows of the Beach" fic and the person who gave me the courage to actually write it, I decided to come to you to ask for help solving my slight conundrum. (Don't feel pressured to answer, I just feel like you have good opinions.)

Basically, I had wanted to have Macaque and Wukong meet up with Ao Lie at the end of chapter two but, uh, that didn't happen. So I decided that I'll have it happen in chapter three instead and I still can make it happen but uh, I haven't finished the meet-up scene and the chapter is already at like... 7,332 words. Generally, I set my word count goal for these chapters as somewhere around 3,000 since I don't want readers to have to wait too long between chapters.

I found a place where I could cut it that would have it down to 6,519 words and I would be able to post it after editing, but it would push back meeting Ao Lie... again.

So, would you rather me cut it and move the rest of it to the next chapter, or would you rather I keep working, finish introducing Ao Lie, and post the chapter when I'm done with that?

I know the last chapter wasn't too great, at least I feel like it wasn't, but this chapter at the very least has some cute moments between Macaque and Wukong so... I don't know, but your nice words inspired me and I wanted to have you involved in the process.

Again, no pressure, but I do have a little snippet of this chapter for you as thanks for reading through this little ramble of mine! (I have a really hard time getting my thoughts into words sometimes so whenever I try it gets all rambly and I don't make sense)

Sorry to bother you!

Literally vibrating from excitement at this ask but ahem, anywho

I think you just let them meet Ao Lie, and then cut off the chapter like that (or possible cliffhanger despite the fact I am literally the reader and would love-hate that)

Sometimes, I think, you just gotta have a good old long chapter if it means the plot point you need to happen will happen. + you've got free will my guy, you can literally do what you want forever.

Don't worry btw! You can contact me anytime, asks are always open for a reason bud! (Btw that snippet made me laugh-snort. Love your writing)

That reminds me that I need to catch up and or analyze the fic though,, :DD

[mint-yooxgi]

Hey! Recently, I read all of HC and started PG. Can I just say how well you have written all of it? Because you have and I just... the world building, the tension with y/n and Miyeon. The cliffhangers, everything.

So I'm very excited for the next chapters of PG and just following y/n along with the boys.

I am, however, wanting to ask if you could do like a list of the specific petnames and the mind link colours for each of the boys (does readers mindlink also have a specific color or could it be blank for the reader to fill in?)... it would help new readers know who is talking without having to specify, you know what I mean?

If it's too much to ask for, then ignore this, but I would absolutely love to have this kind of list.

Hey, thank you so much!!

I actually have both of these things already!! But I do still need to add one or two to the 'related writings' masterlist for the series, so I'll go do that right now!

Anyways, here's the post for the colours, and here's the post for the petnames!

Worse case scenario, feel free to search the tag 'Related To:Hotel California' on my blog and you'll find a ton of posts relating to this type of content!!

As for the OC's own string, well, it's different in their minds since they're older/stronger than OC is, so I don't quite picture them having a physical manifestation to her mind, it's just something that's there/felt at all times.

[theharrowing]

Revisit Thoughts:

the first Collateral controversyyy hahaha. ugh, this chapter was genuinely way too much fun to write and i am excited to reread it.

contains spoilers for this chapter, but as always, first time readers are safe!!! i do my best not to spoil future events as i talk about things happening in the here and now!!!

for those of you getting into the story after the chapter was published, you can see the tags including Namjoon, and the poly tag. but although i had been dangling he idea of Namjoon and Yoongi being an item, i decided pretty much on a whim to make this a poly fic. i thought it would be nice to have someone a little softer (emotionally) in the mix. i will say that it ruined a lot of my plans...and i will explain how as the story progresses.

for the longest time, this is what the collateral banner looked like:

but then the story evolved (and my username changed) and i decided to give it a fresh new look that included another certain someone (Namjoon lolol.)

ANYWAYYYY. let's dive into the fic!!!

i suppose on the list of nicknames for mc, i never added lamb or wolf. although they are recurring, they are kinda of secondary.

currently the nickname list is: darling, dove, wolf, lamb, annndddd...sweetheart.

cracking up because i think the debut of Namjoon calling mc sweetheart is him asking her to pick out a torture device for him aflsjflsjajfafjsajlf oh my god.

their date is so cute ugh. i love this story so much more with Namjoon as a central character. because he is not in as much of a position of power as Yoongi, Namjoon finds it far easier to be empathetic.

also LMAO listen: i cannot justify putting Yoongi's balls in the fic. please don't ask me to. i just.............i'm impressed, ok??? 🙈 don't perceive me!!!

it's funny because i think that at the time of writing this, everything was spread out enough that it felt like a lot of story happened between the beginning and now. i'm not saying things feel rushed, but maybe they kind of do? it could be because the chapters i am writing now are a lot more full (or because time is just fake and weird and confusing and hard to fathom sometimes.)

the Namjoon we see in this chapter and the previous one is the Namjoon i intended for us to see all throughout. sexy but a ruthless killer, etc. etc. lmao and boy did i fuck up, like immediately. (first time readers: you'll see what i mean.)

i actually added a bunch of tiny things here and there to bring a little more detail out of some of the sentences, but no real edits were made.

picking a song for this chapter was tough because there were so many emotions and small events and a large revelation and a sad cliffhanger ending. ultimately, i chose God Damn by I.M because i feel like the bulk of this chapter was mc slowly (and then very quickly) falling into the Namjoon trap. (plus, it's a Kyun chapter! so using his song works in many ways!!! cute, cute!)

i have also added enough words in the course of these 9 chapters, that i have to change the master list from displaying 245k to 246k 😅😂😁 this always happens lmaooooo it is impossible for me not to add/edit as i read. whoopieeeeessss.

THIS WAS SO FUN i love this chapter!!! messy messy messy things ahead. (don't worry, first time readers, we take good care of our Jimin.) until next time!!!

Collateral 🗡️ 9: Museum, ice cream, narcotics shakedown date

Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You.

But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

🗡️ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon

🗡️ word count: 11.5k

🗡️ mafia au, strangers to lovers, graphic violence, major character injury, poly, smut, angst, fluff, nsfw, explicit 21+ 

🗡️ warnings: graphic depictions of violent torture (striking and breaking bones, shocking with a baton/stun gun), some blood, pants pissing, threatening with a gun, flirting & pining, yoongi’s giant balls in khaki pants, daddy kink, almost smut

🗡️ mc has a fun ice cream and museum date with…Namjoon…??? 

🗡️ beta read by @neoneunnajimin​ 

🗡️ posted aug 2022 | read on ao3

“I feel cooped up,” you admit with your hands on your hips. “I want to go to the city and…I don’t know…walk around, eat ice cream. Anything.”

Yoongi sighs and throws a stack of papers onto the table before him. It is eight in the morning, and you stand in the main hall in a black silk robe tied over a short sleep dress. Black fuzzy slippers cover your feet, and you tap one toe impatiently with your head cocked to the side. Hoseok and Namjoon glance between the two of you while the others stare straight ahead as if nothing is happening. 

“Why all of a sudden?” Yoongi asks. “Why not once I am finished meeting with my men?”

It is your time to sigh. “You are always meeting with your men.”

“I don’t know if you have forgotten what I do, darling, but I happen to be a very busy—”

“I am well aware of what you do, Yoongi,” you interrupt, mimicking the bite in his tone when he said darling, “but I am fucking bored.”

Yoongi’s jaw sets, and there is a fire in his eyes resembling that which you saw as he sliced the man’s fingers off in the basement of House of Cards. You know you are playing a dangerous game, but you are restless. And you are not afraid of Min Yoongi. 

Keep reading

[darwinquark]

Babe you had no business doing this? Why do you hate our boy jughead so much? What is going to happen.. can you write the next chapter like right now please? Will it take as long the grilled hamburger of Mr Idk who xD babe you are cruel for leaving us on a cliffhanger. But other than that an absolutely genius chapter ad usual .. you outdid yourself as usual..like each time I'm like there is no way someone can write better than this and you prove me wrong.. you are a MASTERMIND ..the writer of a decade.

Please for the love of all the stars and everything space-related don't keep us waiting for too long

Now excuse me I have to re-read the entire thing to get myself in the mood even more

lololololol I will absolutely try to take less time than Mr. IDK's grilled cheese! thanks so much for the message, babe. I know this chapter was a total angst-fest and I'm still not sure I like how it turned out, so it means a ton, seriously! jughead's not having a good time lmao. neither of them are.

BUT I'm hoping once I pull all the plots together in a (dear god hopefully brief) final chapter, you guys will see the kind of tension I'm tryna set up for the sequel (which is not going to be this emo or overwrought, lol). Basic gist is by the time they meet again 5 years later, they'll do it with very different understandings of what happened that night, and it's one of the main sources of conflict I'm going to be drawing from for their simmering/belligerent exes kind of tension.

I WILL TRY TO GET THEIR ASAP. I'm excited.

[problematicfanfics]

alright i only just noticed you had a tumblr and felt obligated to say something so

i just want to say that i’m a huge fan of your writing and works, and have been for years. i first found out about your stuff back in november or december 2020 (??) a little bit after I Threw Glass At My Friend's Eyes and Now I'm On Probation was first published, since i had been absolutely in love with tombur at the time and scavenging the ao3 tag 24/7 to see if anything new came out, and i was instantly hooked. i have so much to say about it and no way to put it into words, but the whole general concept surrounding it is so interesting and alluring, everytime a new chapter was posted and i’d read right until the end and then it’d be stuck lingering in my mind for literal days on end. every cliffhanger that was left had me so excited for what was next, excited to see whether wilbur would finally be confronted or not. the fic meant and still means so much to me, it’s taken up so long of my life to the point that its probably something i’ll still remember even when i stop consuming poppy or mcyt content. i’ve been so obsessed with the fic that the song it’s based off of was quite literally my #1 song of 2021 all because of it, and was within my top 100 this year too. i’m legitemately grateful for you writing it, because it both got me into Destroy Boys and gave me so much joy for so long.

this is more an amalgamation of me rambling about how much it means to me, so i apologize about how cluttered and disorganized it is, but thank you for writing. your stuff has helped me with a lot of my life ♥️

i’m gonna cry. i hope u understand that i just finished the chapter today because of this. i literally wrote through a wake at church because of the motivation this gave me. is that bad? probably. but the entire family hated the guy anyways

thank you, you specifically as well as everyone who has stuck around, for, well… sticking around i guess. for leaving me comments, asks, messages, friend requests, texts (to those of u ik well), for motivating me.

it’s been over a YEAR since i updated. and even then, by april 2021, updates were very few and far between. so truly no NEW chapters have really come out and when they do it’s ~1,200 words every three months. but y’all still check in, and not only that, LEAVE COMMENTS. even though it’s been silence since october 23rd, 2021 (i missed oct 22 like an idiot last year AND this year), you guys come back. thank you. it’s been TWO YEARS since the release and i’m no where near done and i’m so sorry to any of you who care enough.

ー

but thank you everyone for checking in, offering help, reading, helping me brainstorm. thank you rad, even though we don’t talk much anymore i have u on snap and i still message u time to time. thank u fello, for being amazing and always supporting me, constantly my #1 supporter and lover. Tater, my love who i message at least once a week, idk where id be without u. and all those “anti”s from 2020 i still talk to to this day, i passed my psych test w a 67% 🦅‼️🙏

i’m blasted. this is long. i had a shit day today, with church and my family being a shit show, and this really made me pick up my head and do what i always do: say “fuck it, we ball” and keep moving on.

so fuck it, we ball, thank you anon.

ANYWAYS here’s some church shit from today i found funny

[readingwithgenie]

Summary:

On her sixteenth birthday, orphan Himari Momochi inherits her ancestral estate that she's never seen. Momochi House exists on the barrier between the human and spiritual realms, and Himari is meant to act as guardian between the two worlds. But on the day she moves in, she finds three handsome squatters already living in the house, and one seems to have already taken over her role!

Plot Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ /5 Character Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ /5 Romance Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ /5 Overall Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ /5 Would I Recommend? Yes

What I Liked:

The characters are cute, funny, and with detailed backstories that help them to be very interesting in their own ways. The shikigami were the comedic relief for the majority of the series but they each held their own dark secrets that made them carry a shadow of mystery. Aoi and Himari are also very bubbly happy-go-lucky teenagers who also carry a burden trudged from their past.

Wonderful world building with establishing Momochi House as the "haunted house" at the top of the mountain with an entire active village below that ties nicely into the series. It felt like a real place sometimes, as if inspired by a childhood home.

There were a few chapters that managed to steal some tears. At one point I thought a cute romantic fantasy story has no right to be this sad. Prepare a box of tissues for volume two.

What I Didn't Like:

There were a few important plot arcs that ended without resolution or explanation that left me very confused. I waited until the end to see if they were brought up again but they didn't. They were left unfinished in the middle of the series which bothered me, especially since they were directly important to the main characters.

The ending played out how I expected. It was a nice ending but I wish it wasn't as predictable.

My Thoughts:

I'm not sure what inspired me to pick up this series but I'm glad I did. It was a very cute read all the way to the end with many pleasant surprises sprinkled throughout. The characters were very fun to experience. Their dynamic is more found family which made their interactions all the sweeter.

I very quickly fell in love with Ise. He is my favorite character in this manga series. I love this angsty orangutan with a reluctant soft spot for his friends, your honor.

As cute and romantic as this series is, there were several episodes that covered dark and serious issues such as suicide and child predatory behavior.

Volume two emotionally wrecked me with chapter five. The Lantern Procession is an event where those lost to suicide pass through the Momochi House. An ayakashi, Zushi, tried his best to see his sister who walked in the Procession. He tried to get her attention so they could meet again. I'm starting to cry just thinking about it. That would mean he lost his sister to suicide and now this is the only time he can see her again.

Not to mention the cliffhanger of a lifetime in volume four. That had me running and stumbling for volume five.

For most of the series I eagerly reached for each volume excited to read on. I loved the characters, the story, the romance, and the funny quirky moments thrown in that reminded me to smile.

While I loved it there were also several things that made me question the series.

Aoi entered the Momochi house as a child and since then had been trapped there, having been selected as the next Nue to protect the house and its gates. Because of this he didn't have much socialization and couldn't finish school. He was essentially a young child in a 17 year old's body. When Himari learned of his story she thought the same thing, that he hasn't had the chance to emotionally mature. Aoi reminds me of Damon from Ghost Wife (Webtoons). Himari almost had to teach Aoi how to behave himself and how to respect boundaries. Although he is a very kind and selfless boy he's also immature and Himari calls him out for it.

There were also major plot trails that went dead without a proper conclusion. I waited until the very end to see if they were revisited or mentioned but alas, they were dropped for good. Which is really sad considering one plot thread revolved around Himari's mysterious past. With Himari being an orphan with an unexpected deed to an enchanted house I hoped we'd find out more about her parents and her connection to the house. Unfortunately that trail runs cold and after Himari makes a difficult decision that directly impacts revealing her past, we never truly know what happened to her parents.

Not to mention the lost progression with Aoi's friend Hidaka and the abrupt conclusion to Kasha. Both arcs were very important and impacted both Aoi and Himari's futures and both arcs just - ended. I'm still trying to piece together how a power-hungry demon with nothing but time and the same skills as the Nue could just give up after a fight that mimicked so many others they've had previously.

Speaking of Kasha, that demon is a creep. He gives me major pedophile vibes and I want nothing to do with him. He's not even that cunning. He can outsmart two human teenagers as if that's even a feat. Aoi and Himari were oblivious to each other's feelings for the majority of the series even though they slept together, I don't think it would take much to fool them into another supernatural trap.

Plus, the majority of their fights were won with the power of love and it got boring really fast. The Nue fought diligently all the while telling Himari to stay behind where it was safe but every single time she ran to his side instead. I'm so confused by how a hug could win a fight. So many fights were won with her declaring her love. How?!

Then my interest began to wane around volume 12. The plot got buried under side stories and it became difficult to keep up. I had to remember where they left off with a certain situation from a few volumes back when it was readdressed later. The plot became blury near the end and I didn't know what everything was amounting to (other than Aoi and Himari being together).

Overall; It's a cute short fantasy read with very likable characters and a good mixture of emotional content and comedic moments. I'm glad it was only 16 volumes.

[zepskies]

Oooh I was so very excited for this one! 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 Thanks for posting a bit early. I may do the same since I have a lot of Easter plans as well tomorrow. 🤔

Holy shit, Dean feels dangerous and cagey as hell, but I have to respect the reader for giving literally no fucks and not letting him getting away with bullying her and telling her what's going to happen.

“You’re my true mate? Fucking act like it. Alpha.”

PERIOD. 👏🏽👏🏽

Like damnit, Dean. 😅 (Sorry not sorry for your bruised dick tho.)

“He made me help kill people so he could make a profit. He stalked my little brother for seven years, made sure to send me pictures to remind me to keep up my end of the deal.”

What a fucking scumbag his handler was, but now the pieces are all starting to fit together. This is some amazing honesty after all that BS he tried to putt in the beginning.

“Three years ago I got a letter detailing my exact scent profile, even the shit only my true mate is supposed to be able to scent. Somehow, he knows what I smell like. All it said was that I was next. Thank god he doesn’t know my name or my family would be dead by now. But that letter? It came from the town of Mount Dusk.”

Man, this is taking scenting to a whole new level I feel like. I love how you're incorporating this in both scientific ways and in criminology, making it part of the mystery that is this Dean Winchester.

“Sweetheart, you might be the Alpha but there’s no way I’m leaving you here alone to deal with some asshole that wants to hurt you.” 

This was so damn sweet! 😭 See? Here's what a little honesty will do. You'll get understanding and support. 💗 I really like this about the reader; she's not going to tolerate BS, but she will give him the benefit of the doubt once he actually explains about his past and why he thinks they can't and shouldn't be together.

Though I'm curious about who this "doctor" friend is. Are we in for a cameo, I wonder?

“Despite the evidence to the contrary, I’m not an asshole that wants to control you,” he said, taking out a package of cheese and some sliced tomato on a plate.

Lmfao I snorted. There's a LOT of evidence, Dean, but I like how he finally asked her nicely instead of being a caveman about it.

“It makes sense. Make your dinner, Dean.” He hummed, trailing his finger down your thigh before he broke away and moved to the stove. He didn’t speak while he worked on assembling his sandwich but his shoulders did ease slightly. 

😍 I love the little detail of him touching her. He's already so into her, and I don't think it's all about the bond he can barely feel. She's tenacious and mouthy, which he seems to respect, but she's also just shown him incredible tenderness -- something I doubt he's had in a long time, after what he's gone through, and I'm sure, how alone he's been.

“...I’m the person you were supposed to kill that day. I was the mark. I was…”

WHATT?!

I'm winded loll. It feels like I just read an entire series in one chapter, and I mean that in a "wow" way. That was an epic twist after twist. It was her dad who organized this the whole time? She KNEW. At least, from the morning in the hospital. That's why she was so adamant that Dean stop lying and tell her the truth.

“Yes she is,” you said, a sudden wave of exhaustion hitting you. Your knees buckled, Dean catching you in his arms and guiding you to the bed. “Do not say I told you so.”

Aww lol I love how he finally came around and is gonna take care of her tonight (but plans to make things right tomorrow 😏).

“What if I want it to hurt?” you said through eyelashes and you swore you felt his heart skip a beat. “Fuck me so hard I feel you for days. Fuck this heat right out of me.”

HOlyyyy shit. What a line. 🫠🫠🫠

That entire scene was very, very hot...and then you literally ripped the rug out from under me, HOLY SHIT again!! She's going to be in so much damn pain... But also, that is a cliffhanger of epic proportions!! 😰😰

I can't wait to see where you go with this next! 💗

The Ranger (Part 2)

Summary: The reader is trying to deal with the secret Dean's dropped on her but things still don't add up. And despite her Alpha trying to convince her they can never be something more, she's not ready to give up so easily...

Masterlist

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!reader

Word Count: 6,400ish

Warnings: language, angst, mentions of murder/manipulation, smut

A/N: Please enjoy!

_______

He what? Hunting people? What kind of answer was that? You figured he was hiding some sort of criminal background, something to do with DNA. Yeah, maybe even the fact he could have killed someone crossed your mind during your research. 

But there was a damn big difference between killing a guy and hunting him.

You were so dumbfounded by his response that Dean took pity on you and moved away, lips pursed. “Y/N, I’m going to say this one more time because I know that’s a lot to take in at once. I will never harm you. I can smell the fear coming off of you but you don’t need to be afraid of me.”

He took another step back when you continued to stare, his eyes darting away. 

“You wanted the truth and now you have it,” he said as he headed for the hallway. 

“Bullshit.” He froze outside his bedroom, frowning when he glanced over his shoulder. “You haven’t told me anything, Winchester.”

You stormed over, poking him in his muscular chest, Dean’s eyebrows raising. “I told you what you need to know. I kill people. It’s that simple.”

“No, it’s really not.” You grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down close, your nose burying itself in his neck. You inhaled sharply before he managed to pull away.

“The fuck are you doing?” he growled, backing away. You narrowed your eyes, Dean matching your expression. “You can’t smell-”

“I had to take a psychology class as part of my major. It was to understand why people lie, break laws when they know they shouldn’t, stuff like that. I was very good at scenting during interviews. I went a different route but I remember what scents under duress meant.” You backed him up against the door, Dean’s chest vibrating with the low threatening growl he was emitting. “Terror had a very specific profile if I recalled correctly. Very difficult to conceal-”

He grabbed your shoulders, pushing you back against the door, hand planted firmly over your mouth. You swallowed thickly, Dean breathing hard.

“Listen very closely because I won’t repeat myself. You are going to quit your job. You are going to call your family and tell them you met your true mate. Then, I’m going to make it look like you died.” Your eyes went wide, Dean’s jaw clenched so hard you thought it might break in half. “You will have your freedom but you will do what I say, when I say, without question. Do you understand?”

Oh, you understood alright. You responded in kind by grabbing his crotch and squeezing so hard he made a squeaking noise as he fell to his knees. He gasped and tried to breathe, hands over his surely bruised cock as you squatted down. You took his chin in your hand, Dean letting out a tiny shiver of pain.

“Do. Not. Bullshit. Me. Stop pretending to protect me and start telingl me the goddamn truth because I have a feeling something seriously fucked up is going on. So you go take a long hard look in the mirror and figure out exactly what you want to say. Or next time? I’m going to crush your dick so hard it never works again.”

You released him and stood up, walking back towards the living room. 

“You’re my true mate? Fucking act like it. Alpha.”

It was an hour later when you heard the soft opening of the bedroom door. You glanced away from the TV playing an old movie, Dean now wearing a plain black shirt and gray flannel pants. He smelled clean and watched him carefully approach the other end of the couch. He gestured to it and you nodded, Dean taking a seat. You turned off the movie and sat up, taking your blanket with you.

Dean sighed, criss crossing his legs and facing you. He rested his elbows against his knees, leaning forward, head bowed.

“I joined the bureau after college. FBI. I was a data analyst for a year while I worked on getting into the field office program. I’d wanted to be a cop originally but this was like being a detective for the whole country which I thought was pretty cool. The senior handler in my group did these…side jobs and I got pulled into it. This guy came after me at my apartment in Kansas City and I barely made it out alive. That’s when I found out I was targeted because my handler pissed someone off. They wanted to hurt his team, send a message, and I was the least experienced. They thought they’d kill me.”

Dean shifted in his seat, folding his hands together, still not meeting your gaze.

“When you unknowingly kill a member of the mob, you kind of become target number one for the mob.”

“So you’re in witness protection?” you asked, Dean immediately shaking his head. 

“My handler and the team took care of this mob family. They weren’t particularly large, but they did it. Killed close to fifty people to protect me.” He grabbed his wrist, squeezing it gently. “But it was all a lie. That story I just told you? It’s the same bullshit they told me. My handler it turned out was…”

He breathed deeply, rubbing his palm against his head.

“The whole damn team was crooked. They lied, made me feel like they protected me and that I owed them. They said if we went through proper channels the mob would find out and I’d be dead. They’d torture and kill my family. I was grateful to my team for about five whole minutes,” he breathed out with a dry laugh. “They set me up. It was one big sham. The mob ordered the hit on their own guy and hired my handler to do it. My handler, well he wanted me to be crooked too. And by me killing the guy? By not going through the bureau? He had evidence that I’d committed a murder, made it seem like I was some murderous vigilante. From that day forward, he told me he owned me and he fucking did.”

You pushed your blanket to the ground, inching closer to him. Dean’s back shook, his head buried in his hands.

“He made me help kill people so he could make a profit. He stalked my little brother for seven years, made sure to send me pictures to remind me to keep up my end of the deal.”

“What happened that changed all that?” you said softly. 

“The handler and two other agents on the team died during an operation a few years ago. It was a miracle. The other three agents were injured but…in the chaos, I saw my out andI slit their throats. I needed my family to be safe. FBI believes it was the culprit we were chasing that day. I’d been injured too so I was never suspected. My DNA was on the bodies though, in evidence. I had to change mine and fast. My friend is a doctor…”

“Your friend told you about Novi-Alpha.” He nodded. “So you have to stay on it so you don’t get caught for their murders.”

“If I go off of it and my DNA gets entered into any police database, they’ll know what I did. I can’t let that happen. Not yet.”

You crawled closer, taking his hands into yours, Dean finally looking you in the eye. His own were bloodshot, tired and sad. “But you’re not actually scared about the police finding you. Or the FBI.” He shook his head. “So why do you need to hide your DNA?”

“You assumed I take Novi-Alpha for what it does to DNA. I’m not worried about them connecting me to the murders four years later. If it were that simple, I’d have been off the stuff years ago.” He held his wrist up to your face. “Scent is…unique. Novi-Alpha blocks scent to other Alphas. All they smell is the same base component in any Alpha. I can’t be identified.”

“But…”

“Three years ago I got a letter detailing my exact scent profile, even the shit only my true mate is supposed to be able to scent. Somehow, he knows what I smell like. All it said was that I was next. Thank god he doesn’t know my name or my family would be dead by now. But that letter? It came from the town of Mount Dusk.”

“When you said you hunt people…” you trailed off, Dean nodding. “That’s why you were walking in the pouring rain this morning. You’re searching for this person.”

“There are some recluses around these parts. I’m narrowing it down but it’s difficult. The last thing I wanted, the last thing, was for my true mate to come here of all places. I’m pretty sure this person wants to kill me. I’m still missing pieces. At best, you’re in danger. At worst, this person gets ahold of you and…”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut when you moved his hand to your neck, grazing over your fresh mark. 

“I wish things were different,” he whispered. His head was low, hand only still on you because you held him there. “It’s not fair to you but you can’t have your true mate. In the morning, I’ll get ahold of my doctor friend. He lives a few hours away. He’s nice and it’ll be like having a roommate is all. He’ll make sure you have a good safe life away from all this-”

You leaned forward, capturing his cheeks in your hands as you planted a hard kiss on him. Dean jerked in his seat, wide eyed when you broke it off quickly.

“I don’t understand. You can’t feel our bond,” he said when you put your arms over his shoulders and wrapped your legs loosely around his waist. You sat in his lap, Dean’s skin flush, scent like smoky pines. “Why did you kiss me?”

“Sweetheart, you might be the Alpha but there’s no way I’m leaving you here alone to deal with some asshole that wants to hurt you.” 

“...Alright,” he grit out, clearly not liking that response. “But again, why kiss me? You can’t feel our bond.”

“I can’t feel a stupid bond. It doesn’t mean I can’t feel something for you. I’d like to like you. Deep down, ou’re not the dickhead Alpha you keep acting like. You're just scared. I understand. But I need to stay with you and help you solve this thing that way you can get off that damn medication and we can start our lives together.”

He shook his head, yours shaking right back. “Did you miss the part where I said I was a hitman for years? The Ranger? I had a fucking name in the business and everything I’d killed that many people.”

“You ever kill anyone innocent?” He was silent, frowning at you. “Exactly. And I still feel like you’re making it sounds worse than it was. Let me help you. You may have given up on yourself but I know you’re good.”

“Why would you think that? All I’ve done is yell at you.”

“You saved my life today, Alpha. Before you knew we were mates.” You hugged him tight, Dean burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. Warm breath tickled your skin, Dean’s limbs finally squeezing around you. “We’re soulmates. We’re meant to be together and if this is what we’re meant to get through right now then we will. But promise me something.”

“What?” he whispered.

“Don’t give up on us being able to feel our bond the way we’re supposed to. Someday you can be off that medicine and you won’t have to hide anymore. Promise me that.”

“I promise, Omega,” he murmured over your mark. You sat in a content silence for only a moment, his stomach rumbling loudly. He pulled back and set a hand over his stomach, rubbing it gently. “Sorry. I didn’t eat much today.”

“To be honest, I’m pretty hungry myself. My appetite’s come back since earlier,” you said, moving to your feet. “I bet we can find something.”

“I eat a lot of frozen meals,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as you headed over to the kitchen. “Omega.”

You hummed as you stopped in front of the refrigerator, Dean putting a hand on your arm gently.

“Please let me get it,” he said quietly. You sighed but held up your hands. Your eyes widened when he lifted you up and sat you on top of the counter easily, his fingers brushing lose hair behind your ear. He smirked. “So you are capable of listening to me.”

“I am fine but it stresses you out, me doing anything more than sitting on my ass right now, doesn’t it.”

“Despite the evidence to the contrary, I’m not an asshole that wants to control you,” he said, taking out a package of cheese and some sliced tomato on a plate. He set them beside you along with a stick of butter. His green eyes found yours, Dean settling between your legs, hands on either side of your thighs. “Tomorrow you can be the strong, capable person I know you are. Tonight, let me take care of my omega. It’s not much but I can feel some Alpha instincts for my mate and they are twitchy as hell right now.”

“And me listening to you calms them down?” He nodded, his nostrils flaring briefly. “And you can scent me?”

“Barely but yes. It’s how I know you’re not at a hundred percent right now. It’s different than normal scenting. It’s hard to explain.”

“It makes sense. Make your dinner, Dean.” He hummed, trailing his finger down your thigh before he broke away and moved to the stove. He didn’t speak while he worked on assembling his sandwich but his shoulders did ease slightly. 

A man on the run, hunting down someone who wanted to hurt him. The last thing he wanted was his true mate in the thick of it. A true mate he felt for more than he was letting on but still tried to keep you at arms length to protect you.

“Dean,” you said quietly from the countertop as he dried the pan. He hummed, setting it back on the stove top before leaning back against the island across from you. “You said your Alpha senses towards me, you can feel them?”

He paused a beat before nodding. 

“I know I’m the one that was in the hospital today but are you okay? That’s…a lot to try and deal with and be the strong guy. I get it. Your Alpha brain is going a million miles an hour cause you have a recovering Omega on your hands and you’re hardwired to get crazy protective.”

You slid off the counter down to the floor, taking two steps to reach him. Your hands settled on his firm waist, Dean tensing under the touch. 

“I don’t think you’ve been okay in a long time and today was a bad day. I just…want my Alpha to know he can lean on me too.” Large hands rested over yours, sliding them down until he was holding them, resting them against his thighs. You swallowed, biting your bottom lip. “You strike me as the kind of guy that’ll blame himself for thinking he nearly killed me when that’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

“Y/N-”

“You saved me today. My Alpha did. You hurt me by blaming yourself so just don’t, alright? Don’t do that to me.” He parted his soft pink lips, waiting for words to come. But he only sighed, closing his pretty green eyes. “Today’s supposed to be a happy day for us. So let’s be happy, alright?”

“Y/N, it doesn’t work like-”

“You promised you would try. Is my Alpha a liar?” He opened his eyes to stare at you, brow furrowed slightly. “I didn’t think so.”

“Has anyone ever told you how frustratingly annoying you are?” he sighed. You simply smiled, Dean throwing his head back. “Fine.”

He bent down and scooped you up in his arms, your own wrapping around his neck in an effort to cling to something. “What are you doing?”

“You’re quite a needy little Omega, aren’t you,” he said, a flicker of mischievousness in his eyes as he walked down the hallway and into the master bedroom.

“Are you teasing me, Alpha?” you shot back, Dean shrugging, a sliver of a smirk on his face. “So he does have a fun side.”

“Oh, I’m quite fun,” he said, gently resting you on top of the bed. He tucked the covers down and then over your body, hesitating before bending down to press a kiss to your lips. “I’ll be in the room across the hall if you need me.”

“What?” you said, sitting up quickly. His heavy hands caught your shoulders before you could get further. A beat passed and he sat on the edge of the mattress, one of his hands cupping your cheek. “You promised you’d try. You-”

“I can’t share a bed with you. I don’t think I can even kiss you again.” Anger pooled in your core but Dean was already puling away. “I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck was all that out there then?” you spat back at him. Dean glanced to his lap when you pushed his hands away from you. “I know you feel something here. You want me so don’t pretend you don’t.”

“Omega.” He looked away, shaking his head. “You’re asking me to sleep in a bed next to my true mate. My sweet little mate that I can’t go more than a few minutes without wanting to knot. If I keep kissing you…and if I sleep in here…all I’m doing is putting you in danger of me not staying in control.”

He frowned when he met your face, taking in your confused eyes. 

“You need to start taking that medicine the doctor gave you to help suppress your scent. Tonight. Because all I want to do is claim you properly and if I do, I’ll have fucking killed you.”

“Then stop taking Novi-Alpha and claim me,” you said, stabbing him in the chest. His eyes darkened and you poked him again. “You want to do this right now? Fine. I was going to save this for the morning but I think you’re missing something really fucking important. This person that’s after you? They had your complete and total scent profile? With the true mate stuff? Well guess what? They were bluffing you. It’s physically impossible for anyone except your true mate to know that. Any guesses why they’d do that? Hm? Maybe so they’d get you to move here and look for this guy. Maybe so they could get you alone and isolated and scared while they did what they actually wanted.”

“Which is what?” he asked quietly. You sighed, shaking your head.

“Get you out of the way so you wouldn’t question why the operation with your team lead went bad in the first place. Why you wouldn’t question that the FBI clearly has DNA evidence you killed those other team members but never did anything about it. Did it cross your mind they set it up to kill all of you and they realized you weren’t a part of it so they let you go? I mean how long did you get this threatening note after the murders?”

“...Next day.”

“Which means they have someone working for the FBI undercover out here who knows exactly who you are. They sent you on a wild goose chase to a small town so you’d be out of their hair.”

“Why would they let me go? I’m such a loose end-”

“Jesus christ you idiot,” you said, grabbing his shoulders, yanking him closer. “You are not the bad guy. They are keeping an eye on you out here to make sure you aren’t but that is all it is. There is no one coming after you. If there was, don’t you think they would have gone after your family already? It’s been three years since you killed those your team.”

His hand shot to your throat in an instant, squeezing just hard enough to make you gasp.

“I never told you how long it was.” He let go just in time to grab your arm, pushing you back against the wall, caging your body in. He towered over you, eyes narrowed. “Who the fuck are you and don’t give me that corporate forensic bullshit.”

“Fuck,” you muttered, holding up your hands. “I’m…”

“You’re what?” he growled, grabbing both your wrists in one of his large palms. “A spy? An agent? Someone meant to watch me? Kill me?”

“...I’m the person you were supposed to kill that day. I was the mark. I was…”

“Songbird.” You nodded, Dean’s grip loosening on you. “Songbird wasn’t even a college age girl. Not even eighteen. You’re older. I don’t-”

“They used my highschool picture and altered it with AI. The mark you got from your team leader to kill was a girl that never existed. My dad hired the hit if you want to call it that to see if they could catch them in the act. He’s the senior field officer that was investigating your team. It was always…everyone was supposed to die except for you. You were let go because you were innocent and he knew that. They knew you were manipulated and forced. No one blamed you for killing the others to get out. If you hadn’t done it, they would have. But they couldn’t let you be an agent anymore. It looked bad that they left you on your own to protect your family so it was either kill you or kick you out. My dad advocated that you were a good man and they agreed to keep you under supervision for five years. If you didn’t make any moves in that time that showed you were a killer for hire, you were free to live your life normally. The only person that’s watching you in this town is a retired field officer named Harrison Y/L/N. He goes by Harry.”

“You came here on vacation to visit your fucking dad,” he said, releasing you, taking two large steps back. “You knew this whole time-”

“I found all of this out at the damn hospital today when they called my parents so don’t you blame me,” you said, voice wavering as you felt his anger stir in the air. “My dad dropped the fucking bomb on me and told me not to tell you you a word. And you were so mean and angry and I was scared cause I almost died. He told me you killed people and I was scared you were lying about why you were on Novi-Alpha. I thought maybe he was wrong and you still killed people…because you liked it…I didn’t want you to hurt me if I brought it up. I thought…”

You wrinkled your nose when wetness built up in your eyes, swallowing thickly to try and will it away. Dean approached you, your gaze shooting to the floor.

“Why did you stay if you thought I was a monster?”

“You’re not a monster,” you whispered. You forced your head up, blinking back tears when he tilted his head at you. “The only people you ever killed were those three teammates and a mobster and it was basically self-defense. My dad said those are the only people you ever killed so why would you lie? Why would you make it seem like you did it all the time?”

“To scare you into leaving. It didn’t work obviously. And I might not have pulled a trigger but I did research, I helped those other kills.” You smiled, sniffling once as a tear rolled down your cheek. 

“You’re not that scary, Alpha. I stayed, didn’t I?” He wiped his thumb under your eye, brushing away the wetness that threatened to spill over once more. “I’ll go away if you want me to. But you don’t have to stay on that medicine anymore. No one will hurt you or your family.”

“I am not happy to be used like some pawn in a game. Your father should have come directly to me and I would have told him everything he wanted to know. I’ve been hiding for three years because of this. I haven’t seen my family in three years.” You nodded, looking away. You stepped past him, going to a chair and picking up your hospital clothes into your arms. “And where do you think you’re going?”

You turned around slowly, Dean ripping the clothes out of your hands, throwing them back in the chair.

“Here’s what’s going to happen. You are going to go wash your face and go to bed because goddamn you have no idea how stressed the fuck out you smell right now. Tomorrow, we are going to the hospital for your follow up check up and I am getting a blood test to make sure there is no more Novi-Alpha in my system. Then we are coming home and I will be claiming you and you’re gonna stop fucking crying because it feels like my soul is tearing in half whenever you do. And when we’re good and ready, we’re going to visit Harry and he will get the FBI off my fucking back so I can get on with my damn life with my Omega. Is that clear?”

“Okay,” you whispered, letting him take your hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s been a long day and…can we agree to not keep secrets anymore?”

“Yeah,” you said, Dean pulling you into a crushing hug. You relaxed into it, Dean kissing the top of your head. “I thought kissing wasn’t allowed.”

“Fuck it. I’m claiming you tomorrow. A few kisses won’t hurt.”

“Good cause I can use them.” You rested your head against his shoulder, breathing deeply. You felt another across the crown of your head, a tiny smile crossing your lips. “If it makes you feel any better, I told my dad to fuck off for asking me to lie to you.”

“It does a little. My omega is the protective type I’m learning.”

“Yes she is,” you said, a sudden wave of exhaustion hitting you. Your knees buckled, Dean catching you in his arms and guiding you to the bed. “Do not say I told you so.”

“I said nothing.” He smiled as you laid back down, closing your eyes. “Get some sleep. We’ll get you cleaned up in the morning, alright?”

“Are you sure you can’t stay?” you asked, catching a big whiff of his scent as a blanket was laid over top of your body.

“Not tonight. Soon,” he said, turning off the light. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, Dean.”

You woke up to the smell of cinnamon rolls and fresh pine floating through the air. Had Dean baked? Throwing the covers back, a wave of scent slammed into you. 

“Morning,” said Dean with a coy smile. He sipped from a coffee mug, leaning against the doorframe. You blinked as you took him in, hands fisting in the sheets when the urge to pounce on him crackled through you like lightning. He chuckled, cocking his head. “Yeah, I know the feeling. You’re like…”

You stood up, crossing the room quickly, Dean catching you in one arm. 

“Calm Omega,” he shushed you when you slammed your lips to his. “After we both pass our checkups.”

Heat pooled between your legs and your eyes flashed wide when you felt something very wet. You both looked down, your face on fire when you realized you’d just made slick…in his fucking boxer briefs.

“I-I’m…” 

“To be fair,” he said, taking a long sip of his coffee before offering the mug to you, “You did proposition me yesterday so this is really nothing.”

You smacked his arm gently, Dean laughing quietly. “I was in serious pain! A-and I think I’m going to go into heat again soon.” You took a drink from the mug, happy to find it wasn’t straight black coffee. 

“Why don’t you get dressed then and we’ll head over to the hospital so we can…” he trailed off, roaming his eyes down your body, shaking his head. He grabbed your arm and started heading for the front door. 

“Dean, I’m not even dressed,” you said. He paused, leaving you in the kitchen before he hurried into the guest room. He exited not five seconds later with a pair of your joggers in hand. “You really can’t wait to knot me, huh?”

“No, I really can’t,” he said, letting you lean on him as you tugged the pants up. He went to the front door, groaning when you started to look around. “Y/N. I’m gonna bust a knot over here.”

“I know, I know. I just wanted one of those cinnamon rolls before we go.” He raised his eyebrows at you. 

“I have no…we can swing by the bakery tomorrow. They normally have really good-” He stopped when you approached him, inhaling sharply with a smile.

“Oh my god, you spell like cinnamon rolls! Like you have all those classic rugged Alpha scents that are to die for but cinnamon rolls? I didn’t know Alpha’s could smell like that.” Dean’s lip ticked up, dipping his head as he put a baseball cap on his head. 

“Winchesters have been known to…smell like baked goods to their mates,” he mumbled, handing you your rainjacket. “Apparently it’s true.”

“Can you scent anything new on me?” you asked, sliding into the jacket, holding onto Dean as you put on your rain booties. 

“You’re not in pain anymore which I like…and you smell like fresh peaches which I didn’t notice before. It’s…nice,” he said as you stood. He flipped your hood up for you, stroking his thumb over your heated cheek. “It, uh, rains a lot here. We’ll have to get you some better gear.”

“We will,” you said, Dean’s fingers tucking your hair under your jacket so you wouldn’t get wet. “Let’s get out of here, Alpha.”

“After you.”

Approximately two hours and thirty seven minutes later, not that you’d been counting, you were shoving a more than wet Dean back against the front door. The urge to mate was strong and now that you both had the all clear, you couldn’t wait another second to have his knot and claim again.

It wasn’t your fault your pulled him out of the car so fast he didn’t have time to get his hood up.

“Alpha,” you purred, reaching for his belt, ripping it out of the loops and tossing it aside. 

“Down girl,” he said in a low, husky voice but his hands were moving as fast as yours. Coats and boots landed in a wet heap on the floor. Your hoodie, which was his hoodie but was your hoodie from now on you’d already decided, was tossed aside as he shrugged out of his flannel.

You growled when he walked towards the fireplace but he shushed you, taking your hand and holding up a finger. You let him have roughly eight seconds to start a fire before you were behind him, reaching for the hem of his heather gray tee shirt. He spun, planting his large hands on your hips, squeezing them so tight you shivered in the best way.

“Someone’s eager,” he murmured, nipping at your jaw. Hot breath fanned over your mark, Dean brushing his lips over the still healing gland, barring his teeth against the flesh. It was too hot and you slid his shirt up his body, Dean responding with his approval by growling against your skin. “Fuck, we doing this fast?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?” you said, Dean breaking away to rip his shirt off one handed. You barely had a second to take in his muscular body before he tugged your shirt clean off of you, leaving you in only his underwear you still wore. 

“Holy shit, you’re gorgeous.” The way he looked ready to devour you made your stomach do flips, voice caught in your throat when he slowly dragged his zipper downwards. Thumbs hooked into the waistband of his jeans and he shoved them along with his underwear over a round, tight ass and long, lean legs. 

Your eyes shot to his hard cock as he straightened up, a devilish smirk on his face. He made a show out of stretching his arms overhead, showing off the raw strength of his body, just how fucking broad and powerful he was.

“My omega like what she sees?” he teased when your gaze finally found it’s way back to his handsome face. You licked your lips, Dean chuckling. “S’all yours, sweetheart. Come and take it.”

“Cocky bastard,” you said, making a show out of stepping out of the underwear and tossing it somewhere on the other side of the room. His eyes trailed up and down your body, grin reaching his eyes when you stalked over slowly in front of him. He leaned in close, so many pheromones filling the air you were having a hard time concentrating on not coming on the spot.

“Omega,” he murmured, kissing under your jaw. “Hold on tight.”

You were in the air, spun around, back hitting the wall by the fireplace as your legs shot around his trim waist. A greedy moan filled the air when the tip of his cock hit your clit, rubbing it once, twice and you were literally shaking.

“Stop or you’ll make me come,” you whispered. “I-Inside.”

“I’ll torture you another day. Promise.” He winked and shifted his hips back, lining up with you. “Tell me to stop if it hurts.”

“What if I want it to hurt?” you said through eyelashes and you swore you felt his heart skip a beat. “Fuck me so hard I feel you for days. Fuck this heat right out of me.”

It was like a switch in his head flipped, the primal Alpha side of him determined to make that happen. He slammed his hips forward, a sharp shock to the system as you stretched around him, just shy of taking his knot. You were absolutely going to be sore but it wasn’t painful thankfully.

The fact you were wetter than the fucking ocean probably had something to do with it too.

Dean rutted into you again, your fingers digging into his back so hard he’d be covered in bruises tomorrow. “Fuck, sweetheart. Fuck yeah, mark me up.”

You threw your head back when he planted a hand by your head and fucking rammed his cock so hard you screamed. Dean settled into a punishing pace, driving his cock harder and harder, trying to wedge his knot inside your fluttering walls. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you breathed out when you were both covered in sweat, pooling down your chests, Dean’s grunt and groans loud in your ear. 

And then…on the edge of too much pleasure, you felt his swelling knot slip inside, knocking the air out of your lungs. You could feel it expand inside you so rapidly, pushing you higher and higher, you were holding onto Dean for dear life. 

“I’m…” he panted as you nodded. Soft pink lips locked around your bonding gland, Dean’s thrusts becoming erratic and then you felt him bite.

It was a damn good thing Dean didn’t have neighbors with the shout you let out. The tightly wound pressure in your core exploded as warmth flooded your insides. You were floating, flying, head going blank and a million miles an hour.

You couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but cling to Dean as an overwhelming feeling of calm washed over you. It was like you’d never know what it was to be alone ever again.

When you opened your eyes, Dean was laying on his back on the floor, staring up at you with the softest smile in the world. 

“Hi,” you breathed out, Dean tucking your hair behind your ear as you straddled him.

“So that’s what it feels like when you feel it too,” he said, planting his palm on your chest, trying to catch his breath. “Wow. I feel-”

“Lighter,” you said, lowering yourself down, planting your arms on either side of his head. Dean leaned up and kissed you, hand winding it’s way to the back of your neck, keeping you close. It was less urgent, gentle in how he moved his lips. He grinned when you ran a hand through his sweaty, damp hair. 

“I think you’re stuck with me now, sweetheart,” he teased, dragging his knuckles over your cheekbone. 

“Such a shame. I thought you’d be taller.” He laughed so hard you felt it in your bones, Dean grinning when you splayed out on top of him and rested your chin on his chest. “So you’re not all broody every moment of the day after all.”

“Careful, Omega. Your grump might even let on that he likes to cuddle.”

“Oh, he does? Well we’ll be sure to explore that side of you,” you said. You grinned as he stroked your face, a warm cozy feeling settling deep down inside. “You know, I-” 

Dean’s gaze flickered away to something behind you, his eyes flashing wide before two things happened very, very quickly.

The sound of multiple windows breaking and the door being kicked in crashed through the air, letting the sound of the pouring rain become even more pronounced. You may have paid more attention to the deafening sounds if it weren’t for what Dean did.

He was knotted to you, buried to the hilt inside of you with at least twenty minutes remaining before he would deflate and the two of you could separate. It was a way of being close, being intimate, feeling one another. Knots could not be removed without severely injuring the receiving partner. 

And yet, in what felt like less than a second, Dean literally ripped you off of his body and dropped you onto the floor in one swift motion. It felt like a sucker punch as you waited for the pain but all you felt was Dean standing, grabbing you with one hand to push you behind him. 

There were people in the house, dressed head to toe in black and with large guns. And you and Dean were trapped buck naked backed up against the fireplace with nowhere to go.

________

A/N: Read the final part coming 4/7!