#I MADE THIS SHIP AS SOMETHING FUN AND NOW I'M LIKE. OH. I'M ACTUALLY LIKING IT

[nanamiskentos]

MAMA, A DIVA BEHIND YOU! — toji fushiguro sfw!

prologue. → toji loves his son, he really does. unfortunately, young megumi is less than receptive when it comes to toji's efforts to impress the pretty neighbour who just moved into the apartment down the hall.

or five times megumi actively made toji's love life worse. and the one time he actually helped.

pairing. toji fushiguro x afab!reader

warnings. megumi is his own warning. mild age gap implied. non sorcerer au, toji is raising megumi on his own. reader has she/her pronouns. nothing else, just shenanigans :) toji gets knocked down a few pegs by his son 😭 mildly ooc toji <3

word count. song inspiration. paper rings — taylor swift

a/n. this is sooo silly and for fun lol 😭 i feel like you can tell this just isn't my genre or writing style 😭

mp3. i like shiny things, but i'd marry you with paper rings <3

TOJI FUSHIGURO didn't have a lot of treasures in life. he just wasn't that type of guy. treasures were for people with their lives together — the kind who budgeted for organic vegetables and owned matching socks. toji's list of prized possessions was short: a semi-reliable pay check, a fridge that kept his beer cold on a good day, and the one channel that aired late-night baseball games.

oh, and his kid. megumi fushiguro.

the little brat was the one thing in toji's life he could call a blessing without choking on the word. but lately? toji was seriously considering the logistics of international shipping. could you send a five year old punk to siberia? where was the paperwork for that?

everything had been fine. hell, downright manageable. until you moved in down the hall.

at first, toji didn't give a fuck. neighbours were usually either noisy or nosy, and sometimes the tragic combination of both. the last guy had banged on his door at least once a week, yelling about toji's late-night weightlifting sessions and muttering something about 'quiet hours.'

toji had pegged you for the same. maybe with a yoga met and too many scented candles.

but then, you showed up on his doorstep with a kind smile that could probably light up half the districts in the city. and a polite, sweet, "excuse me, but could you help me with my bed frame?"

and that was it.

the universe must've been real bored, because that was the moment it decided that toji fushiguro — self proclaimed expert on not giving a damn, was going to lose his damn mind like cupid has struck him with the painful arrows of a crush. and he was a goner.

take #1 — my neck, my back

spring in tokyo had come into full bloom, the kind of day where the air smelled faintly of sunshine, and the cherry blossoms drifted around like lazy, little freeloaders. below the apartment complex, the park wasn't much to write home about — a scrappy patch of grass, a couple of benches that looked like they'd seen some shit, and a swing set that squeaked like it had a vendetta against joy.

but for toji? it was good enough.

he'd figured this 'let me show you around because i'm so friendly' outing would be low effort. easy. casual and neighbourly, even. except now, he was leaning against a tree which was far harder than it sounded when his lower back was screaming at him louder than megumi had this morning about brushing his teeth.

but you stood nearby, smiling that damn warm and disarming smile of yours, gently plucking a stray blossom from megumi's messy hair. the kid, for his part, was pointedly ignoring you both, kicking rocks with the type of dedication usually reserved for a brat trying to avoid his homework.

toji cleared his throat, "so, uh, the area's not bad. quiet most of the time. that convenience store over there's open late. great for snacks. or milk. y'know, the owner's a bit of a bitc —"

"why are you standing like that?"

megumi's voice cut through his rehearsed tour like a rusty knife.

toji shot him a sharp glance. a look that screamed: keep your mouth shut, kid.

megumi just tilted his head, all faux innocence, and then delivered the killing blow with those sea-green eyes gleaming in what toji was certain was pure maliciousness, "dad, your back hurts again, doesn’t it?"

toji froze, scrambling for damage control, but you were already pressing your lips together, trying not to laugh. trying. but he could see the corners of your mouth twitching.

"back's fine," toji huffed, straightening up too fast. something in his spine must have popped loud enough to startle a crow off a branch, "solid a rock, hah! good as new."

megumi glanced at his scuffed sneakers, and then back up, "you said it was hard getting off the couch this morning. didn't you say you're old now and falling apart?"

toji's entire soul left his body. the punk was a traitor to a family name. he should have just sent megumi back to the clan long ago.

"don't you have a rock to kick?" he hissed.

"already did all that."

and that was it. your laugh finally burst out, bright and loud, ringing through the little patch of a park. toji found himself staring at you like some idiot in a rom-com who’d just realised he was completely doomed.

"kids, huh?" he muttered, throwing megumi a glare that promised revenge.

"kids," you agreed, eyes still sparkling as you excused yourself, something about leaving a pot on the stove. you gave toji one last look as you turned to go, warm and soft with that lingering amusement.

toji leaned back against the tree once you were gone, letting out a long sigh. megumi was still standing there, kicking the same patch of dirt, as though he were trying to discover unseen archaeological wonders underneath the earth.

"you're lucky i don’t sell you to a circus," toji grumbled under his breath.

megumi didn’t even look up, "you wouldn’t get that much for me."

smart-ass kid.

take #2 — the liar's pants are blazing on fire

walking someone home shouldn't have felt like scaling mount fuji, but toji fushiguro was now sweating bullet. the evening was crisp, the air cool enough to keep him from outright drowning in these stupid nerves, but it helped little.

the streetlights flickered on one by one, casting a faint yellow glow over the neighbourhood. nothing fancy — just rows of small apartments with laundry dangling off balconies and the occasional stray cat darting under parked car. it wasn't exactly romantic, but in the soft glow of the spring, it didn't look that bad.

you walked besides him, laughing at some half-assed joke he'd cracked earlier. and damn, toji liked that sound. more than he should've. more than he'd admit to anyone, including himself. now though, the silence had crept back in, and he was left psyching himself up for the move.

just hold her hand, his brain hissed, it's not rocket science. come on, man. no! wait, give her a compliment, call her hot. ugh, idiot. don't say that yet -

his thick fingers flexed awkwardly at this side as he tried to look natural. a valiant losing battle when every nerve in his body screamed, you have one job, fushiguro. don't ruin this.

"dad!"

toji's head snapped up like a startled animal, and there he was. megumi. his kid. his little shadow. gasping, clutching his throat, and staggering toward them like a samurai dying in glorious battle.

"dad! i — i can't breathe!" megumi wheezed, voice raspy as he doubled over in dramatic agony.

toji blinked. what the —

"i think i'm dying!" megumi croaked, collapsing onto the sidewalk with all the subtlety of a boulder tumbling down a hill.

toji sighed, already pinching the bridge of his nose. should’ve known. thid kid had been hanging around that white-haired freak downstairs too much. what had that gojo satoru been teaching him? shakespearean death monologues?

"what is it this time?" toji asked flatly, his voice like gravel.

"maybe, maybe it's the peanuts!" megumi sputtered, clutching his chest now, because why not? "the ones i ate at home! i think i'm allergic!"

toji stared at him, unimpressed. this was the same kid who could inhale salted peanuts by the handful, barely pausing for air, like he was training for some bizarre snack-eating championship.

"you're not allergic," toji deadpanned.

"i think i am!" megumi wheezed, dropping to his knees, his little hands shaking dramatically.

"oh my god!" you gasped, wide-eyed. "should we — i mean, do we need to take him to the hospital? i can drive —"

toji waved a rough hand, trying to salvage what little dignity he had left, "nah, kid’s fine. just go on home. i'll handle this."

"but —"

"it's fine," toji insisted, forcing what he hoped was a reassuring smile, even as megumi collapsed onto the pavement like he’d been struck by lightning.

you had hesitated, clearly torn, but eventually nodded, "okay… but call me if you need anything, okay?"

toji nodded, biting back the heat threatening to crawl up his neck. "yeah, yeah. go on."

the second you turned the corner, toji crouched next to his "dying" son, who immediately cracked one eye open and coughed weakly for good measure.

"what the hell was that?" toji grunted, "what did i say about huffing gasoline in the laundry?"

"don't do it."

toji flicked the punk's forehead, "mhm, so?"

megumi shrugged, sitting up and dusting off his pants. "thought i was allergic."

"to peanuts? that shit you eat everyday?"

"better safe than sorry, dad."

toji huffed, ruffling a hand through his choppy black hair. he glanced in the direction you’d gone, muttering under his breath, "you're lucky you’re cute, kid."

the next morning, toji opened his door to find a basket sitting on the mat. a pristine, gingham-lined basket packed with golden, buttery pastries and muffins that smelled like heaven. attached was a note:

for megumi! i hope he’s feeling better!

karmic justice demanded that toji sit down, scarf it entirely, and leave nothing but crumbs for the little brat. he'd earned that much.

take #3 — they didn't get my nose right!

toji fushiguro didn’t get flustered easily. fights? He could eat a punch for breakfast. bills? well, avoidance was a valid financial strategy. but you, sitting on his couch, smiling at him like you’d never met a red flag you didn’t want to rehabilitate, while unpacking groceries for him and megumi? that was uncharted territory.

terrifying.

the apartment was...presentable. which was more than he could say ten minutes before you arrived, when he'd barked at megumi like a drill sergeant to hide every suspicious stain and questionable stack of dishes. now, the faint sting of cleaning spray lingered in the air, and the tiny place almost looked cozy. not that toji would admit it.

"you didn’t have to bring anything," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"oh, it's no trouble!" you chirped, beaming like some kind of saint. "i thought you and megumi might like some fresh vegetables. and i couldn’t resist grabbing some sweets for him."

from the corner of the room, megumi's ears perked up at sweets. he dropped the crayon he’d been chewing (toji pretended not to see it) and padded over, all innocent wide eyes and suspiciously good behaviour.

"dad," megumi started, his tone way too angelic for a kid who regularly schemed like a demonic manga villain, “can i show her my drawing?"

toji utterly froze.

megumi never asked to show off his drawings. usually, he just thrust them into unsuspecting hands like a nosy salesman who couldn't take no for an answer. this? this was premeditated.

"uh," toji grunted, squinting at the kid. "maybe later. she’s busy."

but you, bless your overly trusting heart, smiled and said, "oh, i'd love to see it! i'm sure it's adorable."

toji didn’t even have time to stop him. megumi whipped out a crumpled paper from his pocket like he was smuggling state secrets and handed it to you with an air of triumph.

you unfolded it carefully, and toji wanted to crawl into the walls.

there it was: a chaotic, technicolor mess of lines and smudges.

and centre stage?

a terrifyingly accurate caricature of him labeled "dad," locked in what could only be described as a life-or-death struggle with a rabid raccoon twice his size. above his head, a speech bubble screamed, "no!" while the raccoon yelled back, "mine!"

toji groaned so loud it could’ve registered on the richter scale, "kid. seriously?"

your laughter was instant and loud, the kind that made you clutch your sides and tear up. "this — oh my god, this is amazing!" you wheezed, doubling over.

"it’s not even accurate," toji muttered, crossing his arms, his biceps straining against his shirt like they were trying to leave this embarrassing moment behind. "i won."

"dad didn’t win," megumi piped up, as smug as a kid who’d just blown up his old man’s spot in front of a pretty lady, "the raccoon stole the chips."

"megumi," toji growled, pinning him with a glare that would’ve made lesser beings tremble. the kid just shrugged, popping another crayon into his mouth like this was all part of his five-year master plan.

later, after you’d left, still giggling and promising to "treasure" the drawing, toji leaned over the kitchen table where megumi was innocently snacking on his candy.

'kid," toji said, his voice low and dangerous, "if you ever pull something like that again, i’ll eat your crayons. one by one. and i'll make you watch."

megumi didn’t even flinch, cool as a cucumber, "good luck. i hid all the good ones."

take #4 — take your broke ass home!

the neighborhood festival was the kind of event that came together with duct tape and misplaced enthusiasm. a few janky game booths, a cotton candy machine that looked like it ran on prayers, and a ferris wheel that creaked like it was auditioning for a horror movie. but toji didn’t mind. he had a plan.

this was going to be his moment.

he invited you under the pretense of "fun time" for megumi, but really, it was to show you what a catch he was. buff, capable, ruggedly charming — he was ready to prove it all. what better way than with a little festival bravado? he’d win you a giant stuffed panda or one of those oversized bears that could double as a couch. easy.

you and megumi stood by a booth plastered with painted bullseyes, rows of rubber balls stacked neatly on the counter. toji rolled up his sleeves, flexing his arms just enough to catch your attention. he reached into his pocket, pulling out a wad of crumpled cash like he was buying the entire festival, "watch this."

from beside him, megumi crossed his arms. his eyes squinted with the kind of judgment only an six-year-old could muster. then, like a sniper, he fired off the line that would ruin toji's day.

"careful, dad," megumi said, voice loud enough to turn a few heads. "that’s our grocery money for the week."

toji froze mid-reach for the first ball and his jaw clenched. slowly, painfully, he turned to face megumi, who was standing there with a look of angelic smugness.

"megumi," toji growled through gritted teeth, "let's remember who brought you here."

megumi didn’t miss a beat, "oh, right. i'm just worried that dinner tomorrow is soy sauce soup."

"kid’s got jokes," toji muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, his cocky energy now entirely replaced by something closer to "please make this stop."

"oh, i don’t think he’s joking," you teased, tears forming at the corners of your eyes from laughing too hard.

"yeah, definitely not joking," megumi deadpanned, "dad’s gonna start eating protein powder straight from the jar."

"megumi," toji barked, praying for divine intervention that would include his son being carried off by a stork, "you’re grounded."

"for what? telling the truth?"

before toji could escalate into full-on dad-mode, the game attendant — clearly desperate to avoid whatever domestic drama was brewing, handed toji a stuffed panda.

"here, sir, on the house," he said with a strained smile, like he was hoping toji wouldn’t throw a ball through the booth.

toji grabbed the panda and shoved it into your hands with all the grace of a man trying to save face, "here. told you i'd win ya something."

you had just hugged the panda, still grinning ear to ear, "who knew you had a sweet spot? i'll cherish it forever, especially after hearing how hard you worked for it."

megumi, the little bastard, had already wandered off to scope out the cotton candy stand.

toji watched him go, then glanced at you, feeling oddly resigned, "i’m never bringing him to one of these again."

"oh, come on," you said, nudging him playfully, "i'm glad we came. this was fun. besides, he's a sweet kid."

he wondered if you were half-blind, but held his tongue. instead toji groaned, rubbing his temples, 'kid’s not eating for a week."

take #5 — brought the heat back!

it was a quiet thursday evening, the kind of night that lured people into thinking life wasn’t a complete dumpster fire. the sky was fading into a smug sort of pink, and a light breeze was making it just nice enough to forget toji's apartment was a little too warm because he’d cheaped out on air conditioning.

you’d accepted his invitation for dinner, and now here he was, a grown man trying to pretend he wasn’t about to impress the hell out of you with his cooking.

see, toji wasn’t just some dude who could barely boil water. nah, this man knew his way around the kitchen — specifically around a bowl of spicy curry that could win hearts. but he couldn’t let you know that.

toji liked to think that he had a reputation to uphold: rough around the edges, dangerously hot, and way too casual about everything.

so when you walked in, he scratched the back of his head like he’d just thrown the recipe together from a vague memory, muttering, "i dunno, figured i'd try somethin’ new. if it’s bad, there’s takeout."

except this wasn’t new. toji knew exactly what he was doing. his curry was legendary in very specific circles — namely, his own ego.

meanwhile, megumi was hanging around the kitchen like a suspicious little gargoyle, all quiet and sneaky-eyed. that should’ve been the first warning sign.

and when dinner was served, toji had to admit it, it looked perfect. rich, golden curry with just the right balance of spice, heat curling off the plates like a victory lap. hah, an easy win.

you had taken a polite bite, smiling at first. until your face suddenly froze like you'd just been slapped by a fire demon.

"what, it's too spicy?" toji asked, as he watched you struggle to smile. your lips twitching like they were trying to run away.

"no, no!" you wheezed, "it's — it's really good. just got a lil' kick to it, that's all!"

kick? toji blinked. you looked as though you had been delivering a roundhouse to the face.

suspicious now, he scooped up a big bite himself. the moment it hit his tongue, he nearly choked. his sinuses exploded, his tongue went numb, and he could feel sweat instantly forming on his brow.

"what the fuck," he sputtered, slamming down his fork and lunging for his water. toji guzzled it like a man who’d just escaped a desert, while you valiantly kept nibbling as though your dignity depended on it.

megumi, sitting way too calmly at the table, didn’t even flinch. he was eating like the curry was perfectly fine, which made it even worse. this little freak.

toji squinted at his only child, "megumi. what did you do?"

"nothing," the kid said, wide-eyed and dripping with fake innocence. too fake, tsk, toji knew that look. "just...helped with the seasoning."

toji’s stomach dropped, as his blood pressure rose, "how much seasoning?"

megumi shrugged, stabbing at his rice like he wasn’t actively committing a felony, "i dunno. a lot. jus' wanted to be helpful, dad."

"y'trying to kill me? her? yourself?!"

you laughed nervously through the pain, "ah, toji. it’s really not that bad —"

"don’t lie, doll" toji snapped, shooting you a look, "sweatin' like you ran a marathon."

"so are you!" you shot back, snickering. and you weren’t wrong. toji's forehead looked like he’d just finished a full-body workout.

megumi leaned back in his chair, chewing slowly, and said with an infuriating amount of smugness, "i like spicy food."

toji pointed at him, wondering if it would be easier to pick up the kid and launch him out the window, "you better start liking ramen, ‘cause that’s all you’re eating for the next week."

"fine with that," megumi said, clearly unbothered, "isn't that what i eat all the time anyway?”

toji groaned, dragging a hand through his messy hair, which now stuck to his forehead in sweaty, choppy strands.hHe turned to you, desperate for some kind of redemption. "this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. it’s normally amazing. i swear."

"it’s fine," you laughed, even as you sipped water like your life depended on it. "honestly, i think it’s kinda cute."

that threw him for a loop. "cute? what’s cute about this? i just served you a bowl of liquid hell."

you grinned, a little too amused for his liking. "it’s the effort."

toji, for once in his life, had no comeback. he just sighed, defeated, and grabbed his phone to order takeout. megumi, meanwhile, looked entirely too pleased with himself, even lifting the bowl to his lips to smack away the remnants of the soup that he slurped.

interlude: the peace talks

you’re standing outside toji's dingy apartment building, where even the cracks in the walls look like they’ve seen some things. you’re not entirely sure why you’re here. okay, that’s a lie. you’re absolutely sure— it’s because of him. that rough-edged, broad-shouldered man who can bench press your common sense into oblivion. but of course, you’re telling yourself it’s "just to check in."

totally innocent.

you knock. a few beats of silence, then the door creaks open just wide enough for a face to peek out. it's megumi fushiguro, toji's odd kid, and his expression already screams ugh. the kind of look that says, "what does this clown want?"

"uh, hi," you say, suddenly unsure if you’re allowed to be nervous around a first grader, "is toji here?"

megumi stares at you like you just asked if the sky was plaid, "nope," he says flatly, but doesn’t move. he keeps the door partially open, like he’s either waiting for you to leave or deciding if you’re even worth his time.

"oh. okay, that's fine, i'll just —" you motion vaguely toward the stairs, already regretting this whole situation. but then the kid speaks up.

"why do you wanna see him?" his tone is casual, but his eyes? sharp like sea-glass. too sharp for someone so young. he’s leaning on the doorframe now.

you blink, mind going blank.

"i don’t...i mean, i was just dropping by to say hi. that’s all."

megumi tilts his head, scrutinising you like you’re a suspect in a crime only he knows about, "do you like my dad?"

you choke on what must be your last breath on this earth, "what?! no! i mean, what are you even saying, he's..."

you’re spiralling, and megumi's smug little smirk says he knows it. He’s enjoying this way too much.

"sure," he says with a shrug, stepping back into the apartment. he leaves the door wide open like it’s an invitation — or maybe a saw trap. against your better judgment, you follow him in.

megumi plops down on the couch, picking up a laptop like you’re not even there, "you’re not the first," he mutters without looking up.

"what’s that supposed to mean?" you ask, trying to sound casual but failing miserably.

he shrugs again, still not meeting your gaze, "just saying, dad’s got... fans." he says it with the kind of disdain only a kid can muster when talking about their parent, "but you’re, like... different."

"different how?" you ask, instantly regretting it. you shouldn’t engage. this is toji's kid, not your personal gossip columnist.

megumi finally looks up, one eyebrow raised, "you don’t seem as dumb as the other ones."

wow. compliment of the century. "that's way harsh. but thanks," you say dryly, crossing your arms. "and here i thought we were bonding."

there’s a flicker of something else in the child's eyes. a glimmer of protectiveness, maybe, "look, i'm just saying...don’t get your hopes up, okay? i don't think my dad's that type of guy."

you frown, perplexed at having this conversation with a child who barely comes up past your waist, "what makes you say that?"

megumi looks like he’s about to launch into a powerpoint presentation on why toji fushiguro Is a walking red flag, but then he stops. his petulant expression shifts, softens, just a little, "i don't anyone to be sad."

and there it is. the kid act drops for a split second, and you see it. he’s not just being a little punk — he's protecting himself. maybe he’s seen toji screw up one too many times, or maybe he’s tired of people coming and going from their lives. either way, you feel a pang of sympathy.

you sit down on the edge of the couch, careful not to invade his space, "i get it,” you say gently, "and i appreciate you looking out for me, and for your father. but...maybe your dad’s not as bad as you think."

megumi snorts, "yeah, right. i think he's a mess."

"well, sometimes messy people need someone to believe in them," you say, surprising even yourself with the honesty in your voice.

he doesn’t respond right away, just stares at the laptop screen like it holds the answers to life. finally, he sighs, closing it with a decisive snap.

"fine. you can...hang out with him. or whatever. i won't pull any dumb shit,” megumi suddenly pauses at the slip of his tongue, “wait, don't tell him i said that word. but if this screws up, i'm saying ‘I told you so."

he sounds like he’s just agreed to let you borrow his favourite video game.

you smile, relieved, "deal."

just then, the front door opens, and in walks toji, all feathery raven hair, sweat-slicked muscles, and a duffel bag slung over his shoulder like he’s just conquered a small country. he pauses when he sees you, eyebrows raising in surprise. "hey, didn’t expect to see you here," he says, voice rough but warm.

before you can respond, megumi pipes up from the couch, "we had important business."

megumi watches you leave, your footsteps echoing down the hallway. you turn back once, smiling at toji like he’s just said something funny — or maybe like he’s not completely hopeless. his dad stands in the doorway, looking uncharacteristically relaxed, a satisfied smirk on his face that makes megumi's stomach churn.

how disgusting.

the second the door clicks shut, toji sighs like some kind of romantic hero from the bad drama his dad loves to secretly watch, running a hand through his choppy black hair and scratching at the back of his neck.

"isn't she cute?" coming from a guy who once tried to flirt with a waitress by asking her how many push-ups she thought he could do.

toji disappears into his room, leaving young, burdened megumi stranded on the couch with his thoughts. his dad — the six-foot-four slab of muscle and bad decisions who calls protein shakes "wizard juice" — is clearly falling for you. and honestly? megumi doesn’t hate the idea. you’re nice. you don’t talk down to him like other adults, and you don’t smell like motor oil and regret like toji's usual crowd.

but toji? his dad couldn’t woo a cactus. if this is going to happen, megumi's going to have to step in. it's the responsible thing to do.

he grabs his laptop again, boots it up, and clicks on the email icon with all the gravitas of a general preparing for war.

to: thestrongest@mail.com from: demondog02@mail.com subject: hey gojo i need help message: hey gojo i need help.

he hits send, satisfied. within ten minutes, there’s a reply. gojo's always on his computer nowadays, swamped by senior finals.

to: demondog02@mail.com from: thestrongest@mail.com subject: re: hey gojo i need help message: why are u emailing me. i feel weird emailing a six year old.

megumi rolls his eyes. he’s six, not stupid. he definitely thinks he's smarter than gojo satoru.

to: thestrongest@mail.com from: demondog02@mail.com subject: re: re: hey gojo i need help message: i think my dad has a crush.

there’s a pause. megumi imagines goji sitting in his weirdly pristine apartment downstairs, wearing those stupid sunglasses he insists are cool, trying to process what he just read.

the reply comes in two words.

to: demondog02@mail.com from: thestrongest@mail.com subject: re: re: re: hey gojo i need help message: come downstairs.

then another one.

to: demondog02@mail.com from: thestrongest@mail.com subject: re: re: re: hey gojo i need help message: let’s debrief. i got cookies.

megumi shuts his laptop, slides off the couch, and heads for the door. it's time someone with real intelligence got involved.

megumi fushiguro sits at the kitchen table, eating rainbow cereal and trying to ignore the way his dad is pacing the room like a stressed-out gorilla. toji fushiguro, a walking, grunting tank of a man, is mumbling under his breath about "women" and "bad timing" and something about his shirt being "too tight." not that his dad has any normal shirts — just those stupid gym shirts.

megumi, as the only person in this house with half a brain cell, knows exactly what’s going on. his dad's got it bad for you.

not that he thinks that his dad would admit it. no, his dad's strategy for dealing with his obvious feelings is to act like a complete idiot whenever you’re around. last time, he dropped a dumbbell on himself while trying to show off. the time before that, he laughed so hard at one of your jokes he spat coffee everywhere. megumi had to clean it up.

so yeah, his dad was hopeless, and apparently, it’s megumi's job to fix it.

but megumi doesn’t think of himself as a matchmaker. he thinks of himself as a tortured genius, forced to live among lesser idiots. and frankly, he doesn’t even like the idea of his dad dating. because that's gross.

but the truth is, megumi's tired of toji stomping around the apartment like a lovesick rhino, and if getting you and his dad together means toji might finally stop asking megumi if his hair looks "cool," then so be it.

he starts small. when you knock on the door that afternoon, megumi answers and blocks the entrance like a bouncer, just like gojo told him to.

"oh, dad's not here again," he says, casual.

your face falls, and megumi immediately clocks it. bingo.

"you're in luck today, lady. wait here," he interrupts, darting inside, "i'll grab him."

except his dad is in there, muttering something about a broken pipe in the kitchen, while tapping furiously on his phone. megumi marches in, hands on his hips.

"i let her in," he announces, like a town crier.

his dad looks up, like a deer caught in the headlights of his own stupidity, "what? why didn’t you tell me? damn punk," he scrambles for a shirt.

"i'm telling you now, dad," megumi says, dully, "also, you’re acting like a weirdo. just go talk to her. ask her out."

toji freezes, halfway into his shirt, "what's gotten into you, kid? gonna drop a knife on me, huh? what am i supposed to say?"

megumi resists the urge to roll his eyes so hard they fall out of his head, "i don't know. say hi to her. maybe don't mention the gym."

his dad frowns, "you're six, punk. what do you know? people like hearing about that shit."

"not normal people."

once toji is finally presentable — or as presentable as a man with permanent bedhead and a scar on his lip can be — megumi ushers him out of the room. then, like the misunderstood mastermind he is, megumi follows quietly, lurking behind the door to eavesdrop.

toji opens the door to find you standing there, fiddling with the strap of your bag. his usual dumb smirk creeps onto his face, "hey, didn’t expect to see you here," he says, leaning on the doorframe like he thinks he’s starring in a cologne commercial.

"yeah, i was just...in the neighborhood," you say, sounding way too nervous for someone who claims this is a casual visit.

megumi winces. they’re hopeless. this is your neighbourhood, too.

toji scratches the back of his neck, a nervous tick Megumi’s only seen when he’s trying not to embarrass himself, "well, uh, you wanna come in? i was just... doing some cleaning. we can...talk, or some shit like that."

megumi knows for a fact that there's a lie in toji's words. the only cleaning his dad's ever done is shoving everything into the closet and calling it "organised."

but somehow, it works. you step inside, smiling at him like he just offered you free ice cream. now, that would be a decent offer.

from his spot behind the door, megumi mentally pats himself on the back. phase one: complete. he decides to clock out, flopping back on his rumpled bed to pull his laptop back out, immediately logging back onto his game.

but by the time you leave an hour later, toji looks like he just won the lottery. you’re smiling too, waving awkwardly before heading down the stairs. and ugh, gross! you lean in and press a soft kiss to toji's cheek before you turn.

as soon as the door shuts, toji leans against it and lets out the most ridiculous sigh megumi has ever heard.

"hah, kid. she likes me," his dad says, grinning like a lovesick idiot.

megumi, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, crosses his arms, "that's foul. but no thanks to you."

his dad opens one sharp green eye at him, and scowls. "what’s that supposed to mean?"

"it means," megumi says, feeling a lifetime of bribery for ice-cream excite him, "you owe me. big time."

toji’s standing in the doorway, looking at megumi like he just asked him to join some cult. he scratches the back of his head, giving megumi that look — like he’s trying to figure out what the hell his kid is up to now.

"eh, you look weird today," toji mutters, a half-smirk tugging at his lips. he reaches down and ruffles megumi’s hair like it’s no big deal, making it stick up even more. his hair gets all spiky and untamable, and megumi scowls, smoothing it down, trying (and failing) to get his dark spikes to behave.

"yeah, whatever, dad," megumi mutters under his breath as toji turns and saunters off into his room. toji’s probably about to do a hundred push-ups and gloat to himself. megumi can already hear the dumb grunting from the other room.

as soon as toji’s gone, megumi sits back down at the table, shoveling a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

for once, the apartment is quiet. no random phone calls, no weird people showing up, no random training sessions that sound more like a one-man wrecking crew than “exercise.” just peace.

it’s bliss.

he takes another bite of cereal, enjoying the calm and the fact that someone else is going to have to deal with toji’s nonsense for once. it’s about time.

to: thestrongest@mail.com from: demondog02@mail.com subject: mission accomplished message: it worked. my dad's in love.

a few seconds later, gojo’s reply pops up.

to: demondog02@mail.com from: thestrongest@mail.com subject: re: mission accomplished message: that's great! wanna help me with the guy i like?

megumi squints at the screen, blinking twice. he closes his laptop with all the gravity of someone who has just solved world peace.

to: thestrongest@mail.com from: demondog02@mail.com subject: re: re: mission accomplished message: no.

[joshujin]

dude, nice try!

◀ part one • series masterlist • part two

joshua hong has had the immense privilege of living 30 whole years without ever feeling so much as an ounce of jealousy. that is, until you come prancing into his picture-perfect life on your dumb burner account with evidence that his long-time girlfriend is cheating on him… with your boyfriend.

as he gets tangled up in your chaotic plan to get back at your adulterous partners, he begins to wonder if this growing discomfort in his chest was ever even heartbreak to begin with, or if it’s something entirely new to him—something that has the ability to eat him alive from the inside out.

♫ get him back! olivia rodrigo ⟡ my kink is karma chappell roan ⟡ see u never niki ⟡ good to me seventeen

pairing: joshua x fem!reader part two: 14.6k words cw: strong language, mentions of/implied sexual activity, kms joke, reader is highly emotional and tbh kind of crazy maybe even toxic but idc bc i support women’s rights and wrongs <3 tags: cheating (not between main ship), strangers to partners-in-crime to partners PERIOD, joshua pov, pining, he fell first AND harder oops, he’s also so incredibly whipped from the jump, a few smau bits but mostly writing, no smut, inspired by get him back! by miss rodrigo a/n: oh nothing, just me getting carried away with the dialogue and my word count like usual :) to the anon that requested this: pls feel free to pop back into my ask and tell me how you think this is going LOL. i'm having fun writing it but i know the jealousy isn't fully fleshed out yet. to everyone else: ENJOY!

dividers by @cafekitsune cover by yours truly!

joshua was being sincere with you when he told you he wasn’t a good bar to set yourself against when it came to breakups.��

there was stephanie from when he was still in college in the U.S.; they broke up because he decided to move back to korea. it was amicable for the most part, but he probably could’ve given her a more generous heads up than the two weeks he did give her. it wasn’t until a year or so later that she realized how unfair that had been and made sure joshua knew—with a series of voice memo texts that were nearly 15 minutes each. 

then, he dated miyoung. she was nice but she also decided she wanted to get married within the next year only three months in, and as a 23-year-old, joshua was freaked out enough to run almost immediately. his relationship with miyoung ended on a phone call that lasted three hours because she was sobbing so hard, he didn’t have the heart to hang up even though he had no idea how to comfort her. he saw her consistently for weeks after out of pure guilt until jeonghan pointed out that this was just a disguised way of stringing her along.

after that, there was bada, nari, bora, aram, and hana, all girls he casually dated for no longer than a handful of weeks before one of them decided it actually wasn’t a fit for various, mostly dumb reasons. nari told him she didn’t like that he collected cologne and had three times as much perfume as she did. he left aram because she ate so messily, it gave him the ick. though apparently, that might be something he doesn’t mind anymore.

he dated yumi for six months, and to this day, she’s still the only serious girlfriend of his that broke up with him. she told him that she felt like after six months, she still barely knew him, and that he was “too concerned” with upholding an image of himself that “didn’t feel real.” he went straight to therapy for that one.

and when he felt a little better in his own skin and ready to put a “realer” version of himself out there, he met mina. mina, his longest relationship, and up until now, someone he was convinced was his first love. he said as much anyway. he was the first to tell her he loved her, he reminded her he did every day, and he thought they had a nice, long future ahead of them. what he pictured in that future exactly, he had no clue. but after an odd and somewhat unlucky streak in dating, he finally felt like mina was a nice and comfy place to land.

he’s never been more wrong about something in his entire life. 

and after the laughable amount of breakups he’s experienced, he’s also never been angrier after the end of a relationship in his entire life.

mina was proving to be a lot of firsts for him—first cheater, first master manipulator and liar, first person who’s ever made him wonder if he could possibly switch over to dating men instead… or simply stop dating at all! sure, he would die alone but he would die in peace. 

whatever the case, he's quickly approaching the conclusion that “first love” is not among those firsts, and it probably never was. no amount of teasing from you or jeonghan did it, but in less than a handful of minutes spent breaking up with mina, he is a million percent sure this was not someone he could have loved. or else what did that say about him and his taste?

sixteen minutes earlier

joshua arrives at mina’s apartment exactly two hours after work ends for her—5 p.m. every day because she always scheduled a pilates class at 5:30 p.m. thirty minutes for her to get to her class, one hour for her to finish it, 30 minutes for her to get home, zero minutes for her to get clean because he doesn’t care how presentable she is when he dumps her. 

plus, however long it takes joshua to end this—hopefully a lot shorter than his experience with miyoung.

he hadn’t bothered to tell her he was coming over; he didn’t think she really deserved that courtesy. he may be intent on a clean break, but he also wanted this to be as annoying for her as it has been for him.

so at a prompt 7 p.m., joshua finds himself casually leaning against the elevator’s railing, ascending the floors of mina’s apartment and feeling almost excited to be free of this experience. 

after he got off the phone with you, he decided he would bite the bullet when work was over. he spent the rest of his day absentmindedly finishing his reports, periodically stopping to scribble an idea for what he would say to his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

he takes the folded piece of paper out of his pocket now and runs over his options again.

his levels of shame and self-pity were sky high when he first pulled out his notepad at the office to write his thoughts out, but after texting you and letting you know what he planned to do, you insisted on meeting at a cafe beforehand to brainstorm together while he waited for mina’s pilates class to end. and once you both workshopped the entire list, his embarrassment diminished almost completely.

it was clear you took this a lot more seriously than he did. he doesn't know what he expected; you probably have a manila folder stuffed full of notes for what you plan to do to siwoo.

as such, you were very helpful. sure, you were also really distracting, with your subtle, spiced perfume he recognized as lola james harper, and your daunting and unrelenting eye contact, and the way your eyes smiled all on their own when they weren’t busy crying over siwoo, and the fact that you graced him with your laugh in person for the first time (every bit as fun as he thought it would be), and everything else that came with just existing in your presence.

all of it was really distracting—almost to the point of it being entirely counterproductive for him. almost, if it weren’t for the fact that you were so determined on his behalf to make this the most unpleasant experience for mina. he was mostly pleased with where you two landed, and if anything, he at least had a better idea of what he wanted to say.

he reads the completely ruined paper, a mess of his black ink and wrinkles where you kept trying to grab it out of his hands. it was already a vulnerable enough occasion talking about this with you; he did not need you seeing his notes on top of it.

TALKING POINTS FOR BREAKING UP WITH EVIL GF i know you’ve been cheating on me, and don’t try to deny it because someone sent me proof! — cannot say this without exposing that y/n knows about siwoo!!! i know you’ve been cheating on me, and don’t try to deny it because i went through your phone and saw your text messages! — better, but am i willing to look crazy just to cover for y/n?  yes  what am i saying NO  this will do ✓ how could you do this to us? i loved you! — seems disingenuous? note: yell at jeonghan and y/n for putting ideas in my head later! i literally gave you everything you could’ve wanted, and that still wasn’t enough? what does any other man have that i don’t? — ok met with y/n for feedback. says this sounds pathetic and that i can't let her think this affected me. but she cheated on me? this LITERALLY affects me. i will come back to this one  ok y/n made a different, better point: i am perfect •ᴗ• and i shouldn’t present myself as lacking. so true. she's very good at this! •ᴗ• do you really think anyone with half a fucking brain cell who's willing to homewreck a relationship is really going to give enough of a fuck about you to be capable of putting up with your insufferable ass and treating you as well as i did? — y/n suggested. had to workshop bc she's alarmingly vulgar. plus, maybe toxic to say i "put up" with mina ?? not sure do you even regret hurting me? — y/n says this is silly bc siwoo and mina obviously do not regret anything, but i want mina to feel guilty. y/n now agrees and says i should add: "or are you just so heartless you don't care?" she said this more colorfully, but i will remain respectful  why should i remain respectful? mina is literally the most disrespectful person i’ve ever met. i’ll say what y/n suggested ⤵ your commitment to being a heartless asshole has you by your ugly ass neck and i hope it starts squeezing with both hands  GET SOME HELP! — more for catharsis. won’t be yelling this at her you're going to regret this and if you think there's a world where i take you back when you do, you're mistaken — wow, no notes from y/n! must be very good •ᴗ• definitely say this one!! please never contact me again — note from y/n: "why are you being so goddamn polite? tell her to fuck off and if you ever see her number on your phone screen, you'll set up an appointment on her behalf to get a lobotomy." ????? note from ME: have a serious discussion with y/n at a later time about why i, a MAN, can't just talk to WOMEN like this!

despite the circumstances that led to having to make the list at all, joshua can't help but grin at it. the time spent with you at the cafe was not only helpful; it was fun. maybe the most fun he’s had with a woman since he started dating mina, who chased off all his female friends within the first two months of being in his life. joshua winces as he pockets the list, wondering how he didn’t see the red flags. 

his thoughts are interrupted with the loud and obnoxious ping of the elevator as it arrives on mina’s floor. the doors slide open, and immediately, he hears the obscene sounds of a woman moaning down the hall. his eyes widen as he steps out and turns down the hall in the direction of mina’s apartment. 

the walls of her place were always thin; they were constantly getting into wars with the neighbors that involved banging on the floor, ceiling, and shared walls with her broom. still, he had never heard this kind of noise from her neighbors. 

“tell me about it.”

joshua looks to his right to find an older woman stepping out of her apartment and locking her door. he must have a look of shock on his face because she snorts and nods in what seems like solidarity as she tucks her empty reusable bags into her armpit. 

“that girl doesn’t seem to ever stop,” she informs him. “i’ve complained to the building manager so many times, and still, here she is, screaming like a little banshee and disrupting this entire floor’s peace.”

joshua feels his skin break out into a cold sweat as his mind starts to go a mile a minute. “huh… interesting…”

“i mean,” the woman turns to step into the elevator joshua just walked out of. “what is she even doing? auditioning for a god damn porn? she sounds like my fucking shih tzu’s squeaky toy!” 

he forces a laugh, too distracted to even feel uncomfortable over the inappropriate joke. “maybe,” he mutters. “she sure is putting on a performance.”

“oh my god!” the voice shrieks in perfect timing, making him flinch. 

“ugh, inconsiderate! all hours of the day! does she even work?!” the woman shakes her head and clicks her tongue in disapproval as she presses a button and the doors close. 

joshua stands there for a moment, staring at the elevator, unable to move as he listens to the noises of what could possibly be his girlfriend having sex with siwoo right now. it didn’t even sound remotely like her, and that fact terrifies him even more because if it is her, then she had to be faking it with someone. was she faking it with joshua or with siwoo?

he groans, letting his head fall into his hands. 

“who cares?” he grumbles to himself. the last thing he should be worrying about is whether or not an adulterous liar like mina thought he was good in bed. he should definitely not care anymore. “i don’t care.”

joshua can practically hear jeonghan’s voice telling him, sure you don’t. he shakes his head, trying to banish his jeonghan-shaped conscience from his brain.  

he doesn’t even know if it’s mina. it could very well be some other female neighbor; it’s not far-fetched for people to be having sex. he could just be paranoid right now since he knows she’s cheating on him. 

each floor of mina’s apartment is huge—a maze, really. dozens of units, at least ten near the elevator, several people who could be having sex. 

he always counted himself lucky that mina lived so close to the elevator, just down the hall a few units down. today, though, as the wailing reverberates off the walls of the hallway leading to the elevator, he thinks mina’s floor plan is the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

his phone is to his ear before he can fully consider what he’s doing. 

“did you do it?” you seem to dislike greeting people on the phone properly like a normal human being. you speak a little louder than usual, your surroundings lively and buzzing with the noise of what sounds like several conversations. “that was fast.”

“uh,” joshua elongates the sound for a few seconds while his brain tries to tune out the “porn audition” long enough to comprehend your question. “no… nope. i haven’t done it yet.”

“oh. then what’s up? you need backup after all?” you ask too seriously for him to confidently say you’re joking. 

before you both parted ways at the cafe, you offered him company and said you could tag along and jump mina for him. you both laughed and said your goodbyes, but if what joshua fears right now is true, he definitely doesn’t hate the idea of you jumping her. 

“i’m a little busy—well, kinda, not really—but i can fake some kind of horrific emergency and get out of here and over to you in…” you trail off, probably checking the time. “twenty minutes… maybe ten if i’m okay with breaking a few laws. which, rest assured, i am!”

he feels the dread over his predicament slipping as you keep talking, his emotions turning into an incredibly confusing mix of panic, amusement, anxiety, relief, and so on and so on. the number of odd emotions you elicit out of him are countless. 

joshua glides over what he assumes is a joke and straight to the point; the faster he finds out what he needs to, the faster he can hopefully escape this building.

“do you know where siwoo is?” he asks, taking the first few tentative steps to mina’s door. he walks painstakingly slowly, almost tiptoeing even though there’s no possible way anyone could hear him over the lewd moans. 

“he’s at dinner with his vile parents,” you say, sighing like you’d rather talk about anything else. 

“are you sure?”

“yes… why?”

“like… how sure?” joshua presses. 

“uh, 100 percent.” he can picture the frown on your face that usually matches this tone of yours—confused bordering on annoyed. “i’m literally staring at him as his awful monster of a mother tucks a napkin into his collar like a little fucking devil baby, bro.” 

joshua doesn’t know how at a time like this, his brain has the capacity to still take note of how much he loathes when you call him bro. it’s a weird thought to have to process alongside the thousands of other things he’s suddenly feeling.

“i’m at the bar of this pretentious ass restaurant waiting on the bartender to finish their drink orders while they eat all the appetizers without me, like a good, little stay-at-home girlfriend slash maid slash server slash revenge connoisseur!” you inform him, your voice sarcastically cheerful. “i’m going to spit in all their drinks.” that bit comes out in your normal, low—and a little irritated—voice.

“wow” is all he says because his brain doesn’t supply him with anything else.

“like i said, revenge connoisseur,” you say, sounding bored. “so yes, i’m 100 percent sure he’s here. we have to have dinner with these assholes once a week but—” you cut yourself off as you address someone else. “ah, thank you! oh wait, can you actually remove the espresso beans from this one? the abominable woman who gave birth to my boyfriend doesn’t want to have too much caffeine this late in the day.”

joshua realizes his brain has the capacity to do a lot of things in stressful situations as long as he’s talking to you. because he stops walking and immediately starts laughing when he hears the bartender deadpan: “it’s an espresso martini.”

you sigh like you’ve had to explain this a million different times to a million different bartenders. 

“joshua? hold on, okay?” you tell him before immediately addressing the bartender without waiting for him to reply. “listen, i get it. you don’t have to tell me. i know! she’s a ridiculous airhead who gets her life force from making little people like me suffer and ask for embarrassing things on her behalf. i don’t even care if you stick your bare fingers in there to pluck them out—in fact, i actually kind of prefer you do that. i just need them gone before she comes poking her snobby, little nose over here and demands you make her an entirely brand new one.”

that seems to do the job because the next thing you say is: 

“thank you so much. and please give yourself a 50 percent tip—100 even!” you shout the last part as, joshua assumes, the bartender walks away. “it’s on their card, go crazy!” 

the bartender says something that he can’t make out and you laugh. the sound of it—so light and mischievous and charismatic—completely severs the already increasingly weakened grip his panic has on him. he feels like he can breathe a little easier, even among the horrible sounds filling the hallway. 

“okay, i’m back, sorry,” you say into the phone, picking up exactly where you left off as if you never stopped talking. “like i was saying, we do this shit every week, so i can definitely get out of this if you need me to. why are you asking about siwoo anyway?” 

there’s something comforting about the way you’re ready to drop everything to get to joshua even though you just said bye less than an hour ago and you don’t even know why he’s calling. though, he does realize your eagerness is also probably due to the fact that you just don’t want to be around your cheating boyfriend and his family.

joshua exhales slowly through his nose. “well, it’s not quite your 100, but i am like, at least… 70 percent sure that mina is having sex with someone in her apartment as we speak. i thought it was siwoo, but…” he lets you come to your own conclusions.

the silence on the other end of the phone is so much more threatening than the gasping and yelling he expected. it stretches for so long that at some point, joshua wonders if you even heard him. 

“did you—”

“i heard you,” you say, your voice clipped. you pause again for a shorter period and when you speak, you sound a lot less short. “i was trying to ignore it because i couldn’t imagine what the hell it was, but you definitely sound like you’re on the set of a porno.”

joshua grimaces, stepping away from the side of the hallway that mina’s apartment is on as if that will help—it doesn’t, not with the way it echoes off the walls. he cups his hand around the mouthpiece of his phone, hoping that it will keep the shih tzu squeaky toy sound effects from traveling to you. “shit, i’m sorry,” he breathes, scurrying down the hallway and several units past mina’s apartment in a desperate attempt to get away from the moaning. “i didn’t realize you could hear it clearly.”

“are you running away from the noise, joshua hong?” you ask, obviously amused.

“um, maybe.”

“wow, what a gentleman, protecting my innocence like this,” you fake-sigh like you’re swooning on the other end of the line and he blushes furiously. he can’t help the smile that tugs at the corners of his lips. “chivalry is not dead.”

“you’re so insufferable!” he whisper-yells at you. the poor residents of this floor already have to deal with ‘round-the-clock sex; they don’t need to add him being obnoxiously loud on the phone too. “i’m having a horrible time right now, and you’re joking around?!”

you giggle. “okay, fine. i’m insufferable. but at least i made you smile.”

“and how on earth could you possibly know that if you can’t even see me?”

you snort. “please. i can hear it in your voice. your smile transcends all obstacles, hong. you could smile on the other side of the world and i’d know it.”

the claim makes joshua’s hands clammy, and he finds he has no idea what to say to that. he can barely breathe, but this time, it feels a little different—not quite so wrought with anxiety like it was when he first exited the elevator.

sensing you may have gone overboard with your compliment this time, you clear your throat and steer the conversation back on track.

“mina is a real piece of work,” you state the obvious before rambling a little. “cheating on you… cheating on siwoo… though, is that called cheating if siwoo is also her sidepiece…? no, right? she’s just cheating on you twice—fuck, sorry, that was so callous and dumb to say.” he hears something that sounds like you hitting your forehead repeatedly. 

“yeah… i don’t know…” his mind is not on the logistics of the cheating.

“okay, so here’s what we’re going to do,” you say, voice kicking into high-gear. “i’ve been gone from the table for almost… 10 minutes; these rats get impatient after, like, two.”

joshua leans against the wall, finding your little plotting voice weirdly comforting.

“siwoo is going to stand up any moment now to see what’s taking so long at the insistence of his egg donor.”

he closes his eyes and tries to calm his heartbeat, smiling a little at your refusal to call siwoo’s mom anything but his mom. 

“and when he does, i’m—oh my god, i’m amazing.”

joshua opens his eyes and frowns. “what?”

you laugh in disbelief before frantically whispering, “siwoo just got up and is walking over here. he is so predictable. also, i just got the ick so bad. this idiot forgot to take his little napkin bib off. okay, he’s almost here. don’t reply to anything i say, alright?”

“al—”

“oh my god, are you serious?!” you shriek at joshua. he immediately brings his phone away from his ear. “are you okay?” you pause like you’re listening to a nonexistent response. “holy shit, girl—” your next words are an exaggerated whisper. “—it’s soph, she’s on a date, having… explosive diarrhea!”

joshua looks at his phone incredulously. he doesn’t know how you manage to sound so convincing when it’s clear to him everything you say comes to mind the very second before you say it. 

“that’s disgusting.” his eyes involuntarily narrow at what can only be siwoo’s voice. he sounds just as dumb as joshua thought he would.

“i have to go!” you exclaim. 

“what?! why?”

“did you hear me?! soph is having a crisis! what am i supposed to do, just leave her in the bathroom of some dingy sushi restaurant covered in her own shit while her date thinks she snuck out on her?!” she speaks back into the phone. “hold on, girl.”

he snorts as he passes a hand over his face in embarrassment even though he’s completely alone. he’s truly amazed at how committed you are to your act. he would’ve cracked before he ever even got to utter the word “diarrhea.”

“uh, yes? we’re at dinner with my parents and that sounds like a really gross her problem.”

joshua rolls his eyes. siwoo is an asshole through and through. 

you pause and he likes to imagine you’re taking a moment to really process what a fucking dick your boyfriend is. “i’ll be quick, baby,” you say through barely concealed annoyance. his eye twitches at the term of endearment anyway. “tell your parents i said sorry! i’ll text you when i’m on my way home! soph, i’m on my way!”

“y/n!” his voice is further away than he previously sounded. “what about our drinks?!”

“ask the bartender!” you practically bellow at him. “fucking incompetent. ‘what about our drinks?’” your impression of siwoo is simply an exaggerated baby voice, and joshua thinks it sounds exactly the same. “what the fuck kind of question? where else would you get your drinks?” you mutter—to yourself, joshua presumes. “okay, shua, i am free and i am on my way!”

he doesn’t even have the opportunity to be surprised about you coming to mina’s apartment; he’s too caught off-guard by the sudden nickname. 

“hello?” you call, suddenly sounding like you’re, at the very least, brisk-walking if not fully running. “you can talk now! i am not in the restaurant anym—oop, excuse me, sorry!”

“shua?” joshua repeats mindlessly.

“aw, don’t like it? we can workshop that too,” you huff, excusing yourself as you navigate whatever street you’re on. “i think it’s cute, though. no? shua... shua!” 

you repeat it a few more times like that will get him to agree. most of the instances of “shua” are breathed out in a quick exhale as you move, and joshua is almost completely convinced you’re running. 

“okay, i’m kind of losing the meaning of ‘shua’ now. i swear it’s cute, though.”

he smiles. “uh, yeah, it’s… cute. different but cute.”

“right? josh is tired,” you claim. “shua feels more fitting for you. anyway, give me… 12 minutes and i will be there.”

“why are you coming here again?’ he asks, remembering to feel confused about your plans. 

“for moral support, hello?” you answer like it’s obvious. “ah! sorry!” you shout at someone who curses. “you have me now, dude.” dude is better than bro, he supposes. “we don’t have to go through these traumatic events alone anymore! i’ll be there and if you want me to blow my cover and this entire plan so i can slap mina across the face, i will!”

his mouth twitches to keep from smirking. the thought is tempting. “you really don’t have to—”

“shut up, i just told siwoo my best friend is having explosive diarrhea for you,” you point out, practically panting now. “we cannot walk this back! now go break up with that horrid bitch, and if she really is fucking someone in there, you tell me and i’ll march up there and win my very first fistfight… uh, what floor is her apartment, by the way?”

joshua shakes his head, trying his hardest not to grin. “no, you stay downstairs. there will be no fistfights tonight. i’ll see you in a bit.”

“got it, boss.”

“and stop running,” he orders. “you’re just going to hurt yourself.”

“mmm, agree to disagree,” you heave. “see you soon!” you hang up in a hurry, giving him no time to say bye. 

as he stands in the hallway, he realizes that in the time he spent with you on the phone, the moans subsided. between the absence of your mayhem and the vulgarity of maybe-mina’s maybe-cheating, it’s almost eerie how suddenly quiet the floor is. 

he drags his feet as he makes his way back to mina’s door. when he gets there, he tentatively presses an ear to the wood, and when he can’t hear anything, he raises his fist and knocks before he can change his mind. several seconds pass and he doesn’t hear anyone coming to the door or even speaking. his discomfort eases a little as he starts to think maybe she’s not even home.

mina isn’t one to deviate from her plans; she gets irritable when she has to, so joshua knows that pilates definitely had to be on the agenda today. and if she’s not home yet, then she should be arriving any moment now. he punches in the code for her apartment, determined to wait it out and get this over with because he has no plans to spend another day tied down to a cheater.

“mina?” he calls out as soon as he steps in. he almost bends down to take his shoes off, thinks twice about it, and leaves them on. what did you call it again? taking your small joys wherever you can. tracking dirt into mina’s apartment felt like a small joy right now. 

with no response, he heads into the kitchen to grab himself a water bottle before sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar. he’s about to take his notes out again when he hears a door click. he frowns. 

“hello?” mina’s voice tentatively calls out from the hallway. 

“it’s me,” joshua says, leaving his notes where they are in his pocket. “i knocked but i guess you didn’t hear.”

“josh?” mina rounds the corner, in her bathrobe. she smiles brightly when she confirms it’s him. “hey, baby. what are you doing here?”

she walks up to him with the ease of a loyal girlfriend. he’s astounded by it, actually; how she can act so sweet and kind and cute when she’s sleeping with siwoo every chance she gets. if he thinks about it too hard, it actually scares him. 

she loops her arms around his waist and hugs him from behind, hooking her chin on his shoulder. he tenses and immediately slips off the stool and out of her grip. 

“i wanted to talk to you, remember?” he says, stepping away when she tries to reach for him again. she frowns like she’s finally understanding there’s a problem. “yesterday. but you said you were busy.” busy fucking siwoo. 

even with a direct reference to her infidelity, mina doesn’t bat an eye. he thinks she could probably thrive in a career in acting. “yeah, i had to clock some overtime yesterday,” she lies. “it was such a drag,” she complains as she gets her own water bottle from the fridge. “i paid for my pilates class and everything and had to pay the fee for missing it.”

the lies roll of her tongue so effortlessly, joshua knows he would’ve easily believed them if he didn’t have cold, hard proof. even with the cold, hard proof, he wonders if there’s any way you could have still gotten it wrong. he knows you didn’t. maybe he is gullible because after two days, he already trusts you more than he does mina. 

“pilates,” he repeats in a daze. 

she raises an eyebrow as she takes a sip. she caps her bottle again and nods slowly. “yes, baby, pilates… is everything okay?”

“mina, have you ever cheated on me?”

joshua sees it then—the crack in her facade. her eyes widen, not with surprise or disbelief the way an innocent person’s probably would, but fear. to her credit, it passes quickly as she schools her expression into one of bewilderment. if joshua hadn’t known to look for it, he knows he would have missed it. he would have missed it along with all the other red flags he’s missed. 

“why are you asking me that?” she asks, her voice sharp with the vexation of someone who’s been offended. joshua doesn’t let it faze him.

he shrugs, clenching his jaw briefly before speaking again. “just answer the question, mina.”

mina seems to realize joshua isn’t in the mood for games because her shoulders deflate the tiniest bit, her eyes flicking from one side of the room to the other as she tries to think of what to say. he knows it’s because in the year they’ve been together, joshua has never—not once—lost his temper or expressed any kind of annoyance with her.

it’s always “joshua is so sweet,” “joshua is such a gentleman,” “joshua is so kind,” “joshua is so mild mannered,” “joshua is so fucking gullible.”

joshua is done.

“mina.”

he doesn’t mean for his voice to come out sharp and raised the way it does, but when she flinches, he realizes his patience is slipping faster than jeonghan could ever dream of making it.

“wh—?” she squeezes her eyes shut like she’s trying to understand how they got here. “what?” she suddenly shrieks, eyes opening wide with disbelief and what he’s sure she thinks is translating as devastation. “what are you even saying, joshua?!”

the sheer amount of willpower it takes to keep from rolling his eyes is staggering. “it should be an easy question to answer,” he sighs, running a hand over his face tiredly. “so i think the fact that you refuse to is an answer in itself.”

he sets his bottle on the counter and moves to step around her so he can leave and just let it be over with—going out, not with a bang, but with a pathetic little sigh—but she steps the same direction, palms out like she’ll shove him if he gets any closer to the door.

“what the fuck are you on right now?” she asks, eyes narrowed and mouth twisted into an ugly, displeased sneer like a switch just flipped.

joshua feels the hair on the back of his neck stand as he frowns down at her. she doesn’t try to wrestle her face into playing along with her placating, innocent girl act. instead, she wears her scowl proudly, crossing her arms across her chest in defiance as she blocks his way from his emergency exit. 

“you’re not leaving until you tell me why you’re asking me that,” she states.

he finds her rage as discomforting as yours but in wildly different ways. your anger makes him freeze up and almost panic; it renders him unable to speak or even think, and he’s still not even sure why. but mina’s makes him physically cringe away. it… annoys him.

just like she wasn’t used to his impatience, he wasn’t used to her being angry—at least not at him. all mina’s ever been angry about have been baristas who used 2% instead of fat free milk in her lattes (and yes, she insists she can tell), long wait times, and her boss demanding she work overtime. though joshua realizes that was probably just an excuse to see siwoo.

“mina, why are you doing this?” he asks, exasperated.

“why am i doing this?!” she repeats, scoffing so obnoxiously hard in his face, spit lands on his cheek. 

he closes his eyes for a brief moment as he wipes it away, willing his patience to hold out long enough to get him out of this building.

“why are you doing this?! why are you as—”

“because i know!” he shouts over her increasingly high-pitched whining. “i’m asking because i know all about how awful you’ve been, mina! and i wanted to see if after a year together, you’d at least have the decency to be honest with me!” 

mina’s attitude drops, her hands immediately combing through her hair frantically, a nervous tic she always had.

“i know you were faking business trips, i know you were sleeping around, i know you were fucking him last night when i told you i needed to talk to you—when your boyfriend of a year wanted to see you!”

she stares at him helplessly, mouth hung open and her eyes quickly filling with tears. he realizes as he stares back, feeling nothing but resentment and disdain for her, that your wildly fluctuating emotions unnerve him because he wants to find a way to get you back to your baseline, if not all the way to the other end to happy.

as he watches mina begin to weep, he feels none of that. for the first time in his life, joshua yearns to be cruel. he wants to make her cry harder, and it makes him resent her even more—for making him think and feel something so reprehensible.

he suddenly sees why you’re so open to letting your fury flow through every part of you before unapologetically releasing it right out into the world the way you do. after a lifetime of insisting on being the calm one, the collected one, the unbothered one, the unfeeling one, he realizes that being angry like this is addicting—freeing.

“baby, i…”

“don’t, mina, i’m not your fucking baby,” he says. even he can hear how tired he sounds. 

“i’m so sorry,” she whispers, voice cracking. “i am, i really am. i don’t know why i did it. i—i don’t know—i’m so—i…”

“save it,” he puts her out of her misery of trying to find the right words to manipulate him into thinking she’s anything other than the deceitful cheater she is. “i know you don’t regret hurting me like this. i—”

“no, i do!” she wails, throwing herself at him now.

he immediately starts untangling himself from her hold but she makes it impossible, her grabby hands all over him as she tries to get him to stop attempting to escape her.

“mina, let go o—”

“i regret it, joshua, i swear to god i regret it!” she weeps so loudly now, he starts to feel dread gathering in the pit of his stomach the way it did when he broke up with miyoung. “i never wanted to hurt you, i love you!”

“holy shit,” he grumbles, shoving her hands off him and stepping away from her even though it meant being farther from the only exit. “how can you even say that to my face right now?”

“it’s true!” she screams, grating his nerves. “i love you! i want to spend the rest of my life with you! it was all a mistake! minhyuk was just a temptation i gave into at a weak moment, and i swear it didn’t mean—”

“who the hell is minhyuk?” he asks, frowning when her words finally catch up to him.

mina freezes, and it’s like her tears get the memo because they stop too. it’s the only reason joshua knows that no matter how convincing, this was also just an act.

he glares now.

“who. is. minhyuk. mina?” he staggers his words like it’ll help her few remaining brain cells unite long enough to understand and answer his question.

“i… what do you mean? you said… you said you knew that i… you said—”

“i know about siwoo,” he clarifies, his temper at its breaking point. he’s a moment away from calling you to come up here and make sure he doesn’t land himself in jail, wrecking mina’s entire apartment in an attempt to claw his way out of it. “who the fuck is minhyuk?”

joshua doesn’t think he’s ever cussed this much in his life.

“i—”

“who the fuck is siwoo?” 

joshua’s head whips around toward the voice, coming from the hallway that leads to mina’s room. the laugh that immediately escapes his mouth is instinctive and hysterical. he doesn’t know any other way to react than to start laughing; if he doesn’t, he’s positive he’ll somehow spontaneously combust. 

because standing in mina’s hallway is one of the many reasons her neighbors despise her. a very half naked reason, dressed only in boxers.

“are you for fucking real?” mina hisses, shutting her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose as if joshua isn’t even in the room. “i told you to wait in the room and be fucking quiet, you moron. are you—”

“who is siwoo?!” the man shouts now.

joshua’s laughs peter out, and with them goes his anger. he sighs, shaking his head and remembering how drained he feels. 

“i take it you’re minhyuk.” the man glares at him but doesn’t respond, so he nods. “well, mina, i guess you were truthful about one thing: you really were busy last night, weren’t you?”

“how did you even know siwoo stopped by here?!” she yells. joshua hopes building management kicks her out after the noise complaints she’s bound to get from today alone.

“i can’t believe you’re fucking cheating on me!” minhyuk disappears back into mina’s room, shouting nonsense as he gathers his things. 

“you’re definitely not the one who was cheated on!” joshua calls after him, rolling his eyes. he turns back to mina, mustering up the very last of his energy to finally end it. “mina. you’re disgusting. i will move on from this remembering you as nothing other than a nasty stain on my otherwise amazing life.”

a squeak of protest erupts from her mouth, but he doesn’t let her get a word in.

“but you... you’ll continue to do whatever sleazy shit you’ve been up to for who knows how long, and one day, you’ll wake up and realize how empty and tragic and ugly you and your life both are—” she has the audacity to look offended at the word ugly. “—and you won’t be able to do anything to change that because no one worth having around will have cared enough to stick by you.”

her tears start again and this time, they feel real—they don’t come with screaming or begging or lying. they steadily stream down her face and it makes joshua feel like he’s high.

“your commitment to being a selfish asshole really has you by the neck and i pray to god it starts squeezing with both hands,” he says, delivering your line with a tight-lipped smile.

he finally steps around her, making his way to the door. he opens it and just before he leaves, he thinks, what the hell? and turns back.

“mina,” he calls softly. she turns back to him, face red and splotchy. “don’t contact me. if i ever see your phone number on my screen, i’ll personally call every single cafe on this fucking continent and make sure they only serve you whole fat milk for the rest of your life.”

she gasps like he just made a legitimate threat, and he gets the immature and overwhelming urge to ridicule and laugh at her.

“oh, and get some fucking help,” he adds before turning away and leaving without waiting for her reaction.

fortunately, he gets the elevator immediately. 

unfortunately, none other than minhyuk comes barreling in before the doors close. he has the sense to at least look ashamed, throwing joshua a pitiful smile, but it isn’t enough, so he steps forward and presses a finger to the button that keeps the doors open.

he doesn’t say anything, blankly staring at the man who apparently had sex with his girlfriend either before or after siwoo did last night. minhyuk gets the clue and sighs.

“bro, we’re on the 13th floor,” he protests.

he still doesn’t respond. finally, when several seconds of minhyuk fidgeting have passed, the man groans dramatically—not unlike mina herself—and he stomps out of the elevator and toward the stairwell.

joshua smiles to himself, releasing the button and letting the elevator doors close and take him down to the lobby—down to you.

when joshua exits mina’s building, you’re waiting exactly where you had accosted the two of them the night before, sweaty and disheveled from your run over, but somehow still looking so incredibly pretty. 

you take one look at his face and know exactly how the entire conversation went down without even having to ask. then, an interesting thing happens: you do something joshua thinks is akin to exploding, and he has to hold you back from storming the building. you don’t even know where mina lives, but he knows if he lets you go, you’ll knock on every single door of all 25 floors until you find her and sock her in the face. 

and even as he tries to calm you down now, something warms his heart knowing you care enough to do something as ridiculous as that.

“you’re causing a scene,” he grunts, stepping in your way again when you try to dodge him.

“if you think this is a scene, you’re gonna hate what i’m about to cause on whatever goddamn floor that bitch lives on!” you inform him. 

“i’m not telling you and the front desk won’t either. he’d probably call security on you before you even get to the elevators.”

“i don’t care! i’ll punch the man at the front desk too! my fists are rated E for everyone!” you shriek wildly, darting back and forth as you try to get around him. against his will, an amused snort escapes him.

when it’s clear to you that joshua’s height and long legs are going to make it impossible for you to fake him out, you give up on going around and decide to go through.

joshua shouts in surprise when you barrel right into him, opting for pushing him backwards to get a few steps forward. he catches on quickly and digs his heels in, gripping your shoulders and holding you at arm’s length.

“she’s not worth this time or energy,” he tells you. 

“oh, i disagree, i think she’s worth a lot of my time and energy!” you refute. “i think she’s worth as much of my time and energy as it takes for me to rock her shit!”

you groan as you struggle against his hold, and he almost laughs at how hard you seem to be trying because it’s relatively easy to keep you where you are. you shrug his hands off and slap him away, charging forward again, but before you can, he plants his palm on your forehead, stopping you in your tracks.

“yah! joshua hong!” you shove his arm away from your forehead, and he can’t help when the laughs finally break free. “how are you laughing right now? i could kill her!”

he shrugs, his laughter suddenly snowballing until his hands are on his knees and he’s trying to catch his breath. 

he can’t do anything other than laugh. he has to laugh at the year he’s wasted with mina, or he’ll drive himself crazy asking himself what’s wrong with him that his taste led him so astray (something to unpack when he inevitably returns to his therapist). he has to laugh at the memory of walking in while minhyuk was still there or he’ll fixate on the fact that he has no idea how many men mina’s cheated on him with—and the fact that he needs to go get tested for STDs immediately. there is no other option but to laugh because he has no idea how someone’s life can change this fast because of an instagram DM.

when he finally stops, he sighs, straightening up to find you looking at him with a blank expression.

“oh, you’re so not okay,” you mutter.

“i’m fine,” he insists, shaking his head. he rests his hands back on your shoulders, this time gently, and he nods once. “this has just been the most ridiculous 24 hours of my life, and i’m tired and i’m starving. can we please escape this hellhole and eat? i’ll even pay.”

your eyes narrow at that, studying his face like you’re trying to see if he’s lying to you about being okay. he isn’t—at least he doesn’t think he is—but he also doesn’t think you’d be able to tell if he were anyway.

“i know a ramen spot near here?” you offer hesitantly.

it irks him that you not only have a go-to fried chicken spot in the area but a ramen spot too, and only because you’ve followed siwoo here enough times to have favorites. he thinks you deserve to find favorites in more meaningful ways.

he doesn’t say that, though, of course. instead, joshua looks you up and down before he scans himself, pointedly staring at how sweaty the two of you are in this sticky summer heat. 

“ramen is good for the soul,” you say, reading his mind. “the best comfort food. plus, you’ll sweat out all your heartache.”

“i have no heartache to sweat out.”

“right,” you agree, nodding easily and in a way that makes him question if you’re being sarcastic or not. “maybe we should invite jeonghan.”

he tilts his head. he’s not opposed because he needs to fill his best friend in, but he’s also not enjoying you being the one to suggest it. “why…?”

you shrug. “my offers to dole out violence on your behalf can only go so far. your best friend will probably be better equipped to handle… whatever that was that just happened right now.”

he snickers and rolls his eyes. “okay, i’ll text him.”

“no need, i already did!” you say as you loop your arm through his and begin to pull him away from the building. 

he scoffs, a little too aware of the scowl that erupts on his face. “how do you have jeonghan’s number?”

you look up at him and snort. “we all exchanged information last night, remember?”

no, you and joshua exchanged information last night after he insisted on it so he knew when you got home safe. his eye twitches when he thinks about jeonghan sneaking you his number too—and maybe even texting or calling you as much as he was today.

“he’s waiting for us at the ramen shop.”

he clenches his jaw before forcing a smile. “you really are such a well-prepared individual, aren’t you.”

“gotta be if i’m going to ruin siwoo and mina’s lives.”

“mina? i thought—”

“oh baby,” you say it with fake pity like he’s actually a child, but he finds he likes it a hell of a lot more than dude. infinitely more than bro. “she doesn’t get a pass anymore. that ship sailed when she decided to do my shua like that.” oh, he likes that one a lot. “she’s officially back in the plan.”

joshua grins genuinely now, nodding without arguing. even if he didn’t want you to wrap your metaphorical revenge hands around mina’s ugly neck and shake violently (he does), he knows arguing with you is futile.

“okay.” he feels the exhaustion from earlier slowly leave his body, already feeling lighter as he walks with you, arms looped together like you’ve been best friends for years. “let’s ruin some lives then.”

you look up at him and squeeze his arm, jumping a little as you squeal, “let’s!”

“bye, y/n.”

joshua tries not to glare as jeonghan pulls you into a hug, one arm snaking around your waist as he grins over your shoulder at him. he flashes his eyebrows at him and all his efforts go to waste. he gives him the nastiest glower he can. his best friend’s smirk just widens. 

he doesn’t know what’s going on—with jeonghan, with you, with the both of you, with himself. for the first 40 minutes sitting in the restaurant, joshua retold the hellish afternoon he experienced and took all of his best friend’s many i-told-you-so, what-a-bitch, and i-knew-she-was-a-snake comments with grace. but as soon as that was over, jeonghan flipped a switch.

all night, the man has been acting so weird with you, laughing too hard at everything you say, touching you any chance he gets, saying things just because he knows you’ll agree. and all night, for a reason he can’t quite put his finger on, it’s been driving joshua up the wall. it’s probably because you’re literally still in a relationship. his best friend could at least wait until you’re properly single before he starts doing whatever jeonghan-styled mating call this is.

nope. that’s not it. that thought drives him even further up this insufferable, metaphorical wall.

“later,” you say as you step back. “don’t forget to send me that brand of hair remover you were looking at.” you turn over your shoulder and joshua immediately drops his glare and smiles. if you saw the look he was giving jeonghan, you don’t show it. instead, you wink at him. “we’re going to need that for mina’s shampoo now, huh, shua?”

“shua,” jeonghan repeats, obviously delighted, eyebrows rising and grin quickly entering shit-eating levels. “cute!”

you turn back to him excitedly. “right?! i think so too!”

“you’re such a genius, y/n,” he says, sounding nauseatingly lovesick. joshua silently scoffs at him behind your back. he should know better, though, because that just eggs him on. “i’ll text you the link as soon as i get home. or—” he meets his eyes again. “—i’ll just call you!”

“sure, whatever,” you shrug, as indifferent as ever. it makes joshua happy. maybe a direct rejection would make him even happier, though. “get home safe!”

“yeah, get home safe,” joshua echoes as jeonghan steps around you to hug him as well. “don’t fall into a manhole or get run over by a massive truck or anything,” he mutters too quietly for anyone else but him to hear. 

“i love you too, man,” jeonghan laughs, rubbing his back and squeezing his shoulder as he steps away. “call me if you need to drink your sorrows away. see you two!”

he finally walks off toward his car as you step up to joshua’s side, looping your arm through his again. his heart immediately slows, recovering from the irritation of dealing with a menace.

“jeonghan knows i have zero interest in dating him, right?”

joshua can’t help the bark of laughter that all but rips its way out of him.

“no, like,” you laugh a little, “he comes on so strong? i don’t think i’ve ever met someone as bold as he is.”

that’s ironic, seeing as joshua has never met anyone as bold as you.

“i don’t know if he knows that,” he says honestly. “but either way, he wouldn’t make a move until you were single.”

he gets brief flashes of jeonghan’s fingers brushing up against yours, jeonghan delivering wings onto your plate, jeonghan hugging you a beat too long, jeonghan existing around you. 

“i think,” he adds, frowning.

you make a sound of disbelief as you both watch jeonghan pull out of his spot and drive away. you both stay rooted to the spot, watching nothing in particular.

 “i am single. for all intents and purposes, i am absolutely single.”

joshua is alarmed at how horrible the chill that runs up his spine feels—like an omen of how unbearable his life will become if two crazy people like you and jeonghan join forces to become one.

“i just happen to be a single woman pretending to still love her ex so she can obliterate his entire existence from the inside out.”

“right,” he says, nodding. “of course. i just mean that… i—uh… i have no idea what i mean. but i’ll tell jeonghan to fuck off.”

you whistle, laughing after you do. “i think that’s the first time i heard you cuss,” you inform him. “my shua cussing…” 

you don’t finish your thought because you giggle, and he thinks the sound triggers his fight or flight. he lets you laugh and when it fades, you shake your head.

“don’t tell jeonghan to fuck off,” you tell him. “it’s fun. flattering.”

“flattering?” he repeats, raising an eyebrow.

you shrug. “i’ve been with that idiot, siwoo, for two years. i guess it’s nice to know that someone thinks i’m cute enough to flirt with. at least i know i’m still an eligible bachelorette.”

joshua huffs out a laugh of disbelief. “are you serious?”

you yank your arm out of his, startling him. “what?! you don’t think i’m cute enough to flirt with?!” you ask, half offended but obviously thoroughly amused.

“quite the opposite, actually,” he says before he can convince himself not to. he’s about to start sputtering about how he means it in the most platonic and objective way possible, but since you’re you, he doesn’t need to.

“good, that’s what i thought,” you say, grinning and weaving your arm through the ditch of his elbow again. “i’m very cute.”

joshua is glad you’re so comfortable to be around. he knows if he agreed with you now, you’d happily accept the compliment, but if the roles were reversed, he would be flustered for the next week. 

you two enjoy a comfortable silence before he sighs contentedly and looks down at you to ask if you’re ready to leave. he forgets what he’s about to say when he meets your eyes, though.

you’re already looking up at him and smiling softly. “did you like the ramen? do you feel better?” you ask, tilting your head.

he thinks you would look nice resting it against his shoulder. “i feel much better,” he confirms. “thanks again—for coming so fast and so last minute without me even asking you to.” he pauses to think, frowning when he confronts how ride-or-die you’ve been for him today. “and even before that. thanks for workshopping all those horrible lines with me.”

you grin. “don’t mention it, dude.” he’s too content right now to make a face at that. at least it’s not bro. “it was a lot of fun, actually.”

“i still don’t think i have any heartache to sweat out into any other bowls of ramen—” you snicker. “—but it’s nice to know i have two people to cry to if i ever do.”

you nod enthusiastically. “exactly! you have jeonghan, and you have me now.”

he hums, feeling an intense desire to say you have him too—because you do, and you unfortunately already have jeonghan as well—but he stops himself. he’s only known you one day, and he’s just not as courageous as you are with your words. 

“it’s nice,” you mutter, “to have people to go through these things with.”

joshua doesn’t voice his curiosity about your own friendships. were there no other people you were able to expect this kind of support from? where was this soph you used to excuse yourself from dinner? any other friends? family? 

he lets his curiosity simmer. you’ve already subjected each other to incredibly intimate parts of your life; the rest can come another day.

“hopefully, it’s the first and last time we go through this,” he remarks, chuckling.

“one can hope,” you agree. “and the ramen?” you prod. “was it good?”

“i loved it,” he says honestly, “but—”

“‘but’?!” you practically shriek. “but what?! the ramen here is really good! what could you possibly have to say about the ramen here?”

he laughs, looking away from you and rolling his eyes at how fast you are to pounce. “i love the ramen, but,” he continues, “we need to find you some favorites that don’t involve roaming around the area that siwoo and mina happen to be in. i’ll show you some of my favorites. away from here. and if you want your own favorites, then we’ll go to a place you’ve never been and we’ll find you new favorites. but i hate to inform you… this will be the last time we eat in this godforsaken area so i hope you enjoyed that.”

when joshua looks back down at you, you’re no longer smiling. he tenses when he realizes you look a little sad, your mouth turned down at the corners so slightly, he probably wouldn’t notice if he weren’t so close to your face.

“oh,” he breathes, “y/n, i’m sorry, i didn’t—”

you shake your head quickly and he clamps his mouth shut.

“y’know,” you say quietly, like any louder and you’ll start crying. he doesn’t doubt that you would. it’s been a whole 24 hours since you did—at least in front of him. “it really fucking sucks… finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you, and on top of that, having to continue relying on him.”

your hold on his forearm tightens for a moment, and before he can think about it, he removes his right hand from his pocket and closes it over yours.

“and i know that we’ve only known each other for like… a day,” you say, laughing even though your voice is getting dangerously watery, “but every time we talk… i stop to think i’m really lucky that of all the people i could’ve been suffering through this with, it turned out to be you.”

joshua’s mouth parts to say something, but nothing comes out because nothing even comes to mind. there you go again—so honest and forthcoming and bold and you. there you go again, making his brain the most useless organ in his body without even trying.

“you’re really nice,” you sigh. “thank you.” you turn away and wipe at your eyes quickly before taking your hand back from his and releasing his arm altogether. he immediately feels a little colder. he returns his hand to his pocket. “for my last dinner in this stupid fucking neighborhood.”

he clears his throat. “you’re welcome.”

“i’ll hold you to it, y’know,” you warn him, bumping his shoulder. “don’t think you can say nice things like that and then have no follow-through.”

from the way you say it, he knows you’re thinking of siwoo. he wonders what sort of tiny things siwoo promised you that he never delivered on if he couldn’t even do something as simple as stay true to you. joshua thinks it will be easy for him to show you how nice people can be when they aren’t taking you for granted.

“good, hold me to it.”

“i will! you owe me a favorite chicken shop, a favorite ramen shop, a favorite boba shop, a favorite ice c—”

“jesus christ, how often were you here?”

you laugh loudly. “you owe me so many favorites.”

joshua smiles. “come on,” he says. “we’ll get you all those favorites. but for now, let’s get you home.”

“goodbye forever, ramen shop,” you bid the establishment farewell happily. “and goodbye, stupid fucking neighborhood!”

he grins. “good riddance, stupid fucking neighborhood!”

you’re consumed by giggles hearing him curse again.

acting normal while texting you proves to be the hardest thing joshua has done every single time he does it. it’s either you’re being incredibly funny and he’s smiling at his phone like an idiot, or you’re saying a bold inside thought and he’s smiling at his phone like an idiot. either way, even if he thinks he does a good job at appearing normal via text, he knows he looks crazy in person.

“you’re cheesing real hard, bro.”

joshua immediately locks his phone and shoves it into his pocket as he forces his face into a blank stare. 

“smooth,” jeonghan says, snickering from where he’s sprawled across the other side of joshua’s couch, no longer paying attention to the movie he begged to put on. “texting y/n?”

“no.” the lie comes out before he can even think about it. “watched a funny video.”

he hums, a soft smile on his lips. joshua knows he doesn’t believe him. “well, speaking of her, what’s going on with the two of you anyway?” 

“what?”

“what’s going on with—”

“no, i heard you,” he laughs. “i just meant, like… what do you mean? i’m helping her with siwoo. you know that.”

he narrows his eyes almost imperceptibly, but being his best friend, joshua is educated on all the nuances jeonghan’s face comes with.

“what?” he asks again. 

“do you like her?”

“yeah, she’s cool. kind of intense but cool. don’t you?”

jeonghan rolls his lips between his teeth like he’s trying not to smile too widely. he cocks an eyebrow at him. “i mean, do you like like her? do you fancy her?”

joshua scoffs. “what?”

it’s such a ridiculous question to ask someone who broke up with his girlfriend not even a full week ago. he thinks he was mostly telling the truth when he told you he had no heartache for him to expel from his body because both his heart and brain have been fairly quiet since that afternoon, but even then, he’s still too disoriented from how fast his life changed to think about liking anyone.

“it’s been days since mina and i broke up,” he reminds his best friend. “how could i already be interested in someone else?”

“well, mina didn’t wait to break up before she bec—”

“okay,” joshua holds a hand up to stop him from pointing out mina’s infidelity for the thousandth time since they found out. “mina and i aren’t the same. i can’t just jump into something else so quickly after. and it’s not even about mina.”

“oooh,” jeonghan sits up properly and crosses his legs, folding his hands over his knee. “explain.”

he shrugs. “i don’t really feel all that torn up about her as much as i am about how bad my instincts are.”

he frowns. “your instincts?”

“yeah, like… the signs were glaringly obvious,” joshua explains. “you knew she was a snake before all of this; you just didn’t know why. how come i didn’t see any of that? and,” he practically yells as he resituates himself on the couch so that he’s fully facing jeonghan, “how could i have thought i was going to possibly marry someone like that? i can’t even think about looking at another person until i wrap my mind around how i could have ever thought i was in love. what if i don’t even know what love is?”

“whoa, okay—”

“what if i end up with another mina?”

“—slow down,” jeonghan raises his hands like he’s trying to calm a bull. he mirrors his position, fully turning to him on the sofa now. “first of all, you know what love is. your judgment was just clouded for a little bit! you were lost in the joy of having a girlfriend that lasted a lot longer than the others. or you were being a weirdo and getting swallowed up by the plight of being in your 30s with no prospects for marriage, so you deluded yourself into thinking mina was it.”

joshua’s mouth pops open in shock a little at that. “i mean… that’s… plausible.”

“whatever it is—even if it is that she fooled you and you were blind to all the red flags, that doesn’t mean you don’t know what love is. how could you not know what love is when i’m your best friend? i love the shit out of you.”

he does crack a smile at this. he lets the reminder sink in and marinate in his brain. jeonghan could very much be right on the money with this one; after all, mina came at a time when joshua was starting to question if his love life was cursed. he was fresh out of therapy he sought out because his ex broke up with him for essentially being a robot, and he was eager to share more of himself with the next one—to love the next one harder than he had the rest. maybe he really was just forcing something to be that wasn’t meant to be.

“say it back.”

he laughs. “i love you too.” he sighs. “what else?”

“huh?”

“you said ‘first of all.’ i assume you have a second of all?”

jeonghan frowns for a moment before a light bulb goes off in his head. “yes! second of all, y/n is not mina.”

“wait, what?”

“you said, ‘what if i end up with another mina?’ y/n is not mina.”

“of course she’s not mina,” joshua says. that much is obvious; if mina is one end of the spectrum, you’re so far on the other end, it went all the way back around to mina. “but why are we even talking about y/n?”

“because it’s clear you like her,” he informs him, amused. 

“i don’t like her like that,” he disagrees confidently and somewhat exasperatedly. whenever jeonghan got ideas like this in his head, it became an inarguable truth to him regardless of what anyone else said. he knows if he doesn’t nip it in the bud, he’ll run with it for the rest of their lives. “she’s funny and nice and cool to hang out with, but she’s just a friend.”

“is that why you’re texting and calling her 24/7 when the rest of us feel like we’re pulling teeth trying to get you to respond to us?” jeonghan points out. joshua opens his mouth to refute his point, but he steamrolls right over his words. “is that why you’re extra mean to me whenever the three of us hang out?”

“we’ve only hung out all three of us twice. and what do you mean i’m mean to you?”

his best friend laughs openly in his face. “you’re really going to tell me you don’t notice the way you kick me or interrupt me or glare at me whenever so much as an ounce of y/n’s attention is on me instead of you?”

is that what his odd behavior at the ramen shop was about? he was trying to get on joshua’s nerves as some kind of experiment?

joshua narrows his eyes at him. “i do those things because you’re annoying me.”

“i’ve annoyed you our whole lives,” he shoots right back. “you’ve only started abusing me recently.”

“you’re so dramatic and wrong.”

“okay!” jeonghan agrees too easily. he stands up.

“where are you going?” joshua leans back to look up at him. “aren’t we getting dinner later?”

he hums in thought before quickly saying no. “rain check! i think i’m going to ask y/n if she wants to go out instead. i’ve been thinking about asking her out.”

joshua is not dumb. joshua is actually very smart. he graduated top of his class from an ivy league in the U.S., he has an MBA, and he—much like you were supposed to be before siwoo upended your life—became a director at his company before 30, still on track to become the youngest senior director.

joshua is smart and he knows what jeonghan is trying to do, but his dumb face frustratingly doesn’t get the memo. before he can even fully process the words, his eyebrows are pulling down, eyes sharpening into a glare, and jaw clenching so hard, he knows jeonghan can hear his teeth grinding.

“oh, really,” he deadpans. 

“yup!” he has the audacity to grin at joshua, eyes so full of mischief and mirth, he wants to kick him again and give him something to really complain about. “i’ll see myself out, don’t worry about getting up. bye joshuji! i’ll tell y/n you said hi!”

joshua scoffs as he watches him actually leave his apartment. and again, because various parts of his body seem to be missing signals from his brain that he doesn’t care, once the door clicks closed behind jeonghan, he throws himself back onto the couch mindlessly and hastily, struggling to retrieve his phone from his pocket. 

“why are these jeans so fucking tight,” he mumbles as his hand gets a little stuck. when he finally rips the phone out of his pocket, he briefly considers texting you but lands on calling you instead. what he’s going to say, he has no idea. 

“i was just about to call you,” you once again answer without greeting him first. 

“oh. hi,” he says, a little thankful for the non-greeting for once because it gives him some time to come up with an excuse for calling you other than he wanted to beat jeonghan to it. “why were you going to call?”

“because you were taking a long ass time to reply again,” you say simply. he snickers at your streak of impatience. “why are you calling?”

that wasn’t a lot of time to come up with an excuse at all, but joshua thinks “so we can make plans. i don’t feel like texting” is more than good enough. 

“oh yay,” you accept the fib easily. “well, as an unemployed idiot, i am free… let me see… oh yes, all day every day, but extra free on whatever day siwoo’s parents decide to hold me hostage at dinner with them.”

joshua laughs, slowly relaxing against the couch once more. “well, how about tonight?”

“ugh, unfortunately, they do not want to have dinner tonight, but yes, i am free.”

“how about we meet to discuss your top secret plan tonight and then hang again whenever your dinner with that nightmare family is?” he suggests. 

“joshua hong, my knight in shining armor,” you joke. his cheeks warm at the words. “sounds like a plan. can we meet at yours, though? i don’t want to reveal how crazy i am in a public setting. that seems too vulnerable. and i’d invite you over here but it’s probably best we don’t discuss these plans in the home of the man whose life i’d like to destroy.” joshua truly admires your way with sarcasm. 

“yeah, i’ll text you my address,” he agrees. and because he’s extra irate with jeonghan for thinking he can manipulate him into becoming some kind of jealous monster, he adds: “you can come over whenever—even now if you want. i’m free all day” just in case his best friend calls you too after you hang up.

“oh great!” you say. “siwoo is out all day doing lord knows who or what and i’m done brushing the toilet with everything he owns, so i can be on my way once you send it.”

joshua smiles. “perfect.”

he knows he literally just played right into jeonghan’s game, but somehow, he still feels like he won.

it doesn’t take you long at all to get to his apartment, and when you do, he’s a little stunned to open the door and find your arms completely empty—no files full of information only the CIA would have or fat manila envelopes stuffed with plans to eviscerate your exes like he expected. instead, you stand there, hands clasped in front of you with nothing but your purse hanging on your shoulder. 

“nice place,” you comment as you look around his apartment, unabashedly looking at the books on his shelves, art on the walls, even running your fingers across the strings of his guitar in the corner. “you play?”

he hums as he plops back down on his couch. “yeah, since i was young. do you?”

you laugh like he told a joke. “no. i’m not creatively gifted. it doesn’t really surprise me that you are, though.”

he’s about to ask you what makes you say that but you turn to him and clap your hands together once. 

“okay! let’s do this! we have a lot of material to get through tonight.” 

you throw your purse on the counter of the breakfast bar, make your way to the coffee table in front of him, take your phone out of your pocket, and sink to the floor. 

“let’s start with mina; i think she’ll be much easier since she doesn’t have a family-owned empire for us to topple.”

joshua’s eyes widen. “a family-owned what for us to what?”

you wave your hand like it’s an irrelevant detail. “we’ll get into it later,” you assure him as you get to wherever you were swiping to on your phone. you read a few lines and then nod, looking up at him. “so mina is a grade A gold-digger.”

joshua huffs, leaning his elbows on his knees and shaking his head. “i’m not saying i disagree because you have very solid evidence—good job, by the way—”

“thank you!” you chirp happily, smiling widely.

“—but i am not rich enough for anyone to try digging for gold around here.”

your smile disappears, expression flattening into a glare as you pointedly look around his apartment. he follows your gaze, and yes, he sees what you see: a very spacious apartment, all of the interests and hobbies he can afford to indulge in, and furniture he hired an interior designer to curate for him. he’ll give it to you—he’s definitely a little more than just comfortable, but he’s not gold-digging material. he never even gave mina much money; he just paid for dates, and he tells you as much.

“well, i did some digging, and that’s all she would’ve really needed you to pay for. little miss busy body had multiple streams of income,” you tell him, swiping on your phone until you’re showing him screenshots of instagram profiles. the first is siwoo’s. 

joshua would never admit it, but his curiosity got the best of him after overhearing your conversation with siwoo over the phone, and he found his profile after combing through the accounts you follow. the man’s face was tolerable enough, though not anything special to look at, in joshua’s opinion. he definitely thinks you can do a lot better. but for mina, though, he’s perfect. they’d make monstrous, ugly, little children.

“so here are my theories,” you announce. “correct me if you think i’m wrong with any of this since you know mina better.” he nods in agreement. “i think siwoo was target number one. she thought because he’s the heir to a sizable company, that he would be a good sugar daddy to land, but he was already taken by a smart, beautiful, kind, and insanely funny woman that turned out to be way too good for him.” he grins at you. “and because too many people have eyes on his finances—mommy, daddy… and me but only because i started snooping—”

joshua snorts, looking down at his lap when he thinks of the things you’re pushed to do when a man is making you feel insecure. it’s not fitting for you and he hates it.

“—he probably couldn’t give mina as much money as she was expecting. but she thought she’d keep him around in case there was ever an opportunity to go full-time with him,” you theorize. you turn your phone back to you, swiping to the next account. “minhyuk.”

joshua looks up and rolls his eyes when he sees an account full of shirtless photos of the man he met in mina’s apartment. “yeah. minhyuk.”

“he lives about 30 minutes from mina’s apartment in the opposite direction of siwoo, putting them about an hour away from each other,” you inform him.

“how the hell do you know that?”

you smile slyly. “i have my ways.” when he keeps staring at you, you roll your eyes. “his full name is on his instagram so i looked him up on linkedin and facebook, and the latter had photos of him moving into his apartment, okay? kids nowadays don’t care about internet safety; it’s not rocket science, shua. anyway,” you point back to the screenshot of his account, trying to redirect his attention, “that’s a healthy enough distance that she probably felt safe dating these two. on top of that, minhyuk is a pilot for korean airlines—did you know they can make up to 300 million won a year? absolutely rich enough to warrant mina’s attention.”

joshua has to admit that maybe he should reconsider what he thinks is rich versus what is comfortable if 300 million won was impressive to you.

“so mina snatches him up, knowing it won’t be much of a time commitment since he’ll constantly be flying all over the place,” you explain. “then, we have…” you swipe and sigh, shaking your head. “this guy.”

joshua narrows his eyes at the screen where he’s met with the account of a man he’s never seen before. he’s very tatted, with a kind face and a nice smile, and if his photos are any indication, he works out just as hard as minhyuk apparently does. 

“and who is this?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

“boyfriend number three,” you say a little uncomfortably. “jeon jungkook.”

joshua grunts but says nothing, so you continue.

“before you ask how i found him, i went through all of the people mina follows on instagram, and—”

“her profile is private,” joshua points out.

“that’s what burner accounts are for,” you respond.

“she approved aggretsuko’s request to follow her…?”

you smile. “no, silly, i followed her from my believable burner. aggretsuko is more just for being able to blindly like and follow whatever and whoever i want to. i have a fake account featuring a fake person with a fake life and fake followers. she let that one follow her.”

“i should really stop questioning you. you’re obviously very capable at this whole revenge thing.”

“yeah, the sooner you do that, the faster our conversations will be. so i went through all the accounts she follows, which thankfully aren’t many because the bitch likes having a skinny mini following to follower ratio.” 

joshua shakes his head at your name-calling but fights off a smile anyway.

“i picked out every man—again, not many because she was probably mindful of them being able to see each other’s accounts—and i looked up their occupations on linkedin and if they made a good salary, they made the cut. from there, i just heavily cyberstalked them until i had no choice but to rule them out, or in jungkook’s case, until i found something incriminating.”

he doesn’t bother asking because he can see you get a kick out of explaining this to him.

“a photo of him and mina at a romantic dinner, dated a year and a half ago.”

“before me.”

you nod. “yup. jungkook is an investment banker, aka basically a bank, period, to mina. and seeing as the korean stock exchange is based in busan, he’s constantly flying between there and here for work—”

“making him another good candidate for a boyfriend since he wouldn’t demand a lot of her time.”

you nod and point at him. “exactly! which brings us to boyfriend #4.” you put your phone on the table and gesture at him. “you.”

he nods. “me.”

you tilt your head at him. “honestly, i couldn’t figure out what it was that made mina choose you.”

he scoffs. “wow.”

“no, don’t get me wrong,” you say, shaking your head calmly. “you’re a fucking catch—leagues better than any of these guys as far as i can tell.” he feels his cheeks get hot. “but that’s why i couldn’t figure it out. mina digs her claws into these rich, kinda vain, kinda power-hungry men, and then she found you, and you’re yes, rich, but also kind, sweet, caring, and all of the other good words in the dictionary.”

the heat spreading across his face grows exponentially warmer. 

“therefore, i concluded that mina chose you to be her real boyfriend.” 

joshua frowns. 

“doesn’t it make sense? she chooses guys who are either romantically unavailable or physically unavailable, so she still has all this time on her hands. the girl is evil but she’s also human so she craved an actual partner. she chose you.”

it sounds like it should be a compliment, but joshua feels even more repulsed by the idea that three just wasn’t enough for her. she really went out of her way to find him and torment him when she had more than enough to go around.

“this is the kind of greed the bible warned us about,” joshua mutters under his breath, mostly to himself. you hear it though, and the sound of your laugh immediately makes him smile back at you.

“yeah, mina is definitely a warning sign from god.”

“wish i listened.”

you give him a smile. “eh, where’s the fun in that?”

he knows you’re just trying to make him feel better but that you probably don’t believe that. he hasn’t forgotten what you were like the first night you met—how you cried and drank so miserably. still, you somehow found it in yourself to joke around like this. it makes him stop moping.

“okay,” he says, nodding and leaning forward with renewed vigor. “so she’s really good at time management. now what?”

you laugh. “she doesn’t need to be good at time management because i learned that mina doesn’t even fucking work, bro.”

the information is jarring enough that he doesn’t fully register what you call him. “what?”

“i called the company you mentioned her working for and pretended to be a recruiter calling for a reference, and they said no one by that name has ever worked there,” you report. “i think she’s making her living off her boyfriends. which is why i said that she only needed you to pay for dates. the others are funding her whole life.”

“oh my god, i hate her,” he says plainly as he thinks of all the “overtime” she had to clock in and the “business trips” she went on and the never-ending complaints about a boss that didn’t even exist. “what kind of fucking sociopath…”

you nod solemnly. “it at least makes our job easier; all we have to do is cut her from her money source.”

“the boyfriends.”

you hum affirmatively. “you and minhyuk are already done, so we just need to get siwoo and jungkook to cut her off. but now that she’s suddenly out two streams of income, i’m sure she’ll be really laying it on thick with those two to make up for it. we’ll have to be a bit creative.”

the craziest, most intrusive thought enters joshua’s head and in the next second, it’s exiting his mouth. “mingyu returns this weekend.”

you raise an eyebrow at the sudden change of topic but you don’t comment on it. “mingyu, the man you kept accusing me of being when i first messaged you?” you ask, sneering at the mere mention of his name. “that mingyu?”

he nods. “yup. there’s always been three of us: me, jeonghan, mingyu. he’s been traveling and he comes back in a few days.”

“okay… and what exactly does that have to do with ruining mina’s life?”

joshua grins, feeling excitement bubbling in his stomach. “kim mingyu, y/n, is rich. and not just comfortable—actually rich. as in rich enough for mina to drop all her boyfriends and quit scouting rich guys for the rest of her life if she had reason to think he was willing to fully support her.”

“does she not know what one of your best friends looks like…?” you question, making the most judgmental face joshua thinks he’s ever seen. he snickers.

“nope,” he says, popping the p. “mingyu’s been gone for the entirety of our relationship, traveling all over the place, so she never met him and his social media presence is equivalent to your aggretsuko account—for looking, not posting. all he does online is try to prank me.” he laughs more fully now, shaking his head at how perfect it is. “he’s a bored trust fund baby who knows how to act. he’s going to love doing this.”

your mouth drops open in awe, staying there for several seconds before you realize you haven’t said anything. “well,” you mutter, a smile very slowly beginning to spread across your face, “if you say he’s rich, then he must be absolutely rolling in it. and if he’s rolling in it—”

“then mina’s going to take the bait.”

you grin widely now, leaning forward onto the coffee table and shaking your head. “you, joshua hong, are so much more diabolical than you let on.”

he smirks. “learning from the best.”

“oh, she is so over.”

a/n: thanks for your patience! i'm afraid i will require more of it as i continue getting used to my new schedule LOL (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

if you’d like to be added to the tag list, comment here or send me an ask! if you requested to be on the list but weren’t tagged in this post or the reblog, it’s bc you don’t have an age indicator on your page. pls add that (and lmk that you did) if you want to be tagged next time.

part three teaser

"i really lost myself in this, y'know?" you whisper, head tilting up at the sky like maybe you'll find whatever it is you think you lost up there in the never-ending black. 

joshua follows your gaze. “i don’t think you lost anything. i think it’s all still there.”

“how would you know? you didn’t know who i was before siwoo changed every aspect of me and my life,” you remind him like he needs to be reminded at all. every day, he found himself thinking about what life would be like if he had met you before siwoo had. he doesn’t need the reminder.

“i know because there’s no way any part of you that’s here with me right now is because of siwoo,” he tells you confidently. “you’re so… funny and smart and confident and reliable and cool. and you want me to believe any of that is because of siwoo?”

that gets him a small smile. “careful or i’ll start to think you have a favorable opinion of me.”

he snorts. “if you don’t already think that, i’m probably not being a good enough friend.”

joshua looks down when you press your shoulder against his. the breeze blows strands of hair into your face, and he suppresses the desire to tuck them behind your ear. “you’re a great friend. probably the greatest i’ve made in my adult life.”

he nods. “you too. all of you—every version of you before, during, and after siwoo. i like them all. even the ones i never got to meet."

"you're so..." you start but never finish.

"hmm?"

"nothing," you say. "thanks."

"for?"

"saying all of those nice things."

"pfft, don't get too big-headed about it," he says, trying to play it cool. you smile. "i just can't stand the idea that you think any part of who you are today is due to an idiot like siwoo."

you sigh and rest your head against his shoulder. he has to actively try to keep his body relaxed when you do. “did you know that the name siwoo means divine intervention?”

joshua shakes his head. “i didn’t.”

“divine intervention,” you repeat, scoffing this time. “like, yeah. he definitely intervened and derailed my whole life, that’s for sure. i have no idea where the fuck ‘divine’ comes from, though.”

“are you sure you didn’t misread it and it’s actually disturbing intervention?”

you laugh and slap his arm softly. “what does joshua mean?” you ask after a few moments of silence.

“uh,” he squints as he tries to remember what his mom told him, “salvation, i think.”

you suddenly lift your head up off his shoulder and look at him, eyes narrowing a little as you very closely and openly study his face. he feels self-conscious, a feeling he seems to have gotten used to around you.

“salvation…” it sounds like you’re testing the word on your tongue. you scan his face for something he doesn’t have the composure to ask about right now. no, his composure is nowhere to be found as your gaze rakes every centimeter of every feature of his face, taking your time like you're simultaneously trying to understand him and committing him to memory. “huh" is all you say when you're done.

“what?” he asks quietly, resisting the urge to pass a hand over his face in case there’s something on it. 

“nothing,” you say, face relaxing one again. you smile a little, and even with the lessened intensity, your stare is starting to feel like it’s burning a hole right through him. “it’s just… fitting. joshua. salvation.”

and why exactly would that be fitting?

tag list: @coupsma @tokitosun @nothingbutadeadesceane @ateez-atiny380 @minghaofied @reiofsuns2001 @turtash @https-seishu @gaslysainz @dawn-iscozy @mrsjohnnysuh @sunnysidesins @thepoopdokyeomtouched @faizaa09 @hearts4itoshi @iamdkayyyyy @randojeon @iwannakisspoutycheol @youre-on-your-ownkid @justanotherkpopstanlol @sanaxo-o @seokqt @tjtales @ilouvwonwoo @littlemisshyperfixation @mxelatrix-x @papichulomacy @o-schist @sumzysworld @alyssa19123456

[boxturret]

Mata Nui, The Great Spirit

Hello, how do you feel about painting legoes? I think its fun.

Read on to see the terrible, unethical building process.

Many crimes were committed and I will likely be put to death soon.

Recently I completed quite a large project, painting this huge model kit of the Great Spirit Mata Nui. The kit in question is GiiKei's really impressive build, the instructions of which you can purchase here:

I was quite happy to see they cited my 3d model as reference, along with the original ideas submission. Fun fact: I really liked that ideas submission and made an account just to support it, but something about the proportions never sat right with me, and it was one of the things that motivated me to make that 3d model! So its fun to see it get used in the creation of another model :) And now here I am building it. Full circle.

Now, full disclosure, this is made from third party parts, I did test it on bricklink and it would have easily doubled the price, even before shipping from about half a dozen international stores. I kinda just bought this on impulse, it was pretty cheap and on sale and it was a gamble it would come at all really. But a week ago a nondescript bag came and inside it were sixteen hundred parts of honestly pretty good quality.

I think a couple parts used weren't in their parts catalogue so they had to be 3d printed, but even these were pretty acceptable. Actually in a way some parts were better, because this flame piece was pure red, instead of a mix of red and yellow as all branded parts are.

Some bits had a bit of a tight fit, and I drilled out the middle of the pistons, but I would have done that anyway to accommodate the painting. All in all, really good, was only missing one non essential part.

You can debate the ethics of stuff like this, but either I bought the instructions and paid a company in china X for the parts or I bought the instructions and paid a bunch of unrelated people X*2 for the parts, either way the creator gets the same amount. And I can say I wasn't going to build this off bricklinking parts. For various reasons I'm kinda done with bricklink*.

So after quite a few hour's work I had this lovely fellow. I must say, the design is quite good, its well articulated and has a lot of good build techniques. The head is both the strongest and the weakest part really.

I love the eye assembly, its built to allow for lighting, but it also cleverly includes natural light piping, and the kit comes with 4 sets of eyes, trans red and green for lighting and solid green and pink for display. Even has a little wrench to help swap out the parts.

On top of all of this the mouth is even articulated! So much shoved in such a small package. Unfortunately it does come at a cost, as its incredibly unstable. its a lot of 1 stud wide assemblies held together at odd distances with bars. I think the end result looks good, but its so easy for it to fall apart or get misaligned

Which is why, the instant I finished building this I decided to take it apart again and go at it with a tube of glue.

I glued large parts of this model together. I would happily do it again.

I'm not even going to hide behind any sort of "oh it wasn't real legoes so its fine" excuse, I would have 100% done this with "real" parts. Same with the painting really, I'm sick and tired of hiding behind the excuse that its acrylic so it can wash off, yes, technically, but it would take so much effort and the paints would probably stain some of the parts anyway. If something can benefit from paint or glue I'm not going to hold off just because the parts have a certain company's name on them. They're not sacred.

I can just use mineral spirits to undo everything anyway.

From the moment I saw the original ideas submission I knew: I wanted to paint it.

The GSR is a massive robot that's lain on the bottom of the ocean for millennia, and it reflects that with how dirty and rusty it is, its such an important aspect for me. And personally I quite like painting rust. It seems to be something I end up doing quite a lot.

So basically over the next couple of days I glued everything I felt needed glue, separated the model out in to several chunks, and then began painting.

First I primed it.

Then I did a black wash.

Then I started painting on the rust!

And then I realised I'd made a terrible mistake and redid everything.... Basically I kinda overestimated how much the black wash would fill in the nooks and crannies of the parts, so starting with a light primer base coat meant I was spending an inordinate amount of time trying to fill in all those little gaps and it was taking forever. So I made the correct decision of giving everything a coat of black paint first, and THEN moving on to the rust.

And after that everything went super smooth. Its really important to be open to admitting you made a mistake, and even if it will take more time its for the best to just start over.

For the bits of silver I used a similar technique to how I applied extra streaks of rust to my infected masks. It was a very enjoyable process.

After a quick coat of varnish and a day left to sit everything could go back together!

This guy is massive, around 50cm tall.

The back of the legs is by far the most interesting part of the model.

I especially like these movable pistons.

I did attempt to protect the light piping, and was somewhat successful.

The model is really poseable while at the same time feeling quite stable. Every joint in the legs is doubled. One thing I think is lacking is the ability for it to splay the arms completely out. But I can forgive it since, as I learned when rigging the 3d model, the arm pistons...don't really allow it. And the fact that this model actually has working arm pistons is much more of a positive in my mind.

In any case, you can just remove the pin holding the arms in and do it manually.

You may have noticed my old Mata Nui Island 3d print along with all the parts earlier. Well by some weird coincidence, they kinda match up proportion wise, ie the mouth and eye are roughly at the right places to be under the volcano and bay, respectively.

So that was a happy accident, and now I have a good way of showing how big the GSR is compared to the island.

Its big. And this is the logical size, not the insane 40000000000000 foot number thrown about by some. I have a series of posts about the various sizes of things because I find it interesting.

So in summation, I really couldn't be happier with this. The model design was great, I had a fun time painting it, and now I have a GSR model the size of a small child to display somewhere in my room. I've long been thinking of 3d printing my model, but this has really reduced my need for that. Also with recent duck related developments I've been made aware of how woefully inaccurate my model really is, and have to redo it at some point.

I have reached the maximum number of images per post. I might make a gallery post later. Good night. Have a nice weekend.

*come to bricklink and pay hundreds of dollars for the privilege of getting a smashed mask in the mail. And don't you dare expect a full refund. Not a single part in this kit was damaged and it came in a bag! You can see this guy lying in the background of some shots.

[nutmeggery]

I need Neil Gaiman to know that Good Omens 2 made me feel emotions I haven't felt in nearly a decade.

When I heard there was going to be a Good Omens 2 I was looking forward to it, of course. I just wasn't expecting it do anything super special to my emotions. I was sure I'd enjoy it, though. I really enjoyed s1.

But, for the last few years, I watched shows and afterwards basically thought well, that was fun, and I quickly moved on and didn't think much about them. There was only about 3 shows in the last 5 years that had made me feel truly emotional and stayed on my mind to the point where I felt like I needed to engage in fandom for a while. (Good Omens 1 was one of them.)

I wasn't spoiled by the leak. I never even knew there was a leak. So I had no idea what was coming in s2. And oh boy...

See, I'd watched Our Flag Means Death, a show where you don't expect the lead characters to kiss, because, well, that never happens in these types of shows, right? And this is important because when they did kiss, it felt like a door that had been locked with just about all the high security locks in the world had suddenly, inexplicably, been opened. Something switched inside me. It took me months to understand what it was, but when I thought about Good Omens before s2 came out, I realized what it was.

I would never truly enjoy a bromance they're-only-queer/in love-by-your-own-interpreation story ever again. Stories where nothing is confirmed, just subtext that anyone who doesn't want to see it can easily deny and mock those who wish it was more.

While it was clear that Crowley and Aziraphale cared a lot about each other in s1, and were probably in love, it was still just a fun ship for fans to play with in fanfiction and fanart. Do they love each other? Oh sure. In what way? Well, that's up to interpretation. Ok, cool. But it's not quite Our Flag Means Death, is it?

Then I watched Good Omens 2. And from episode 1 I saw my favourite Angel and Demon duo love each other. And I was having the best time. I hadn't had such a good time watching a show in a long while. It was not only right up my alley, it was an alley I wasn't even aware was my alley until I saw it. I enjoyed seeing the old characters, the new characters. Oh, I was wonderful.

It was clear to me that, of course Crowley and Aziraphale love each other, are IN love with each other, showing it in their own way. And I wasn't expecting it to be THIS obvious.

And then when the kiss happened, I couldn't believe it. I covered my mouth with both hands and gasped and sat up straight in my seat. I had never expected it--the heartbreak it added to the already heartbreaking scene--it rewired something inside me.

It was like my emotions had been locked up in a stall like a horse for so, so long, and now the gate had been opened, the stable door kicked down, and the horse was running out onto the large pasture into the daylight, bucking and kicking up grass. Oh my god, I have to take a few minutes to process that entire 6 hour marathon of emotions.

And by a few minutes I meant a few days.

More than a few, actually.

I didn't need a kiss to understand how much they loved each other, but I did need the kiss to understand how intense and heartbreaking their separation is for them after everything.

But more than that, the kiss broke a barrier. They really did it, I thought. They really dared.

Aziraphale and Crowley aren't human males, no, but they're played by male actors. And that is significant. That makes the kiss significant. In the world we currently live in.

Weeks later, I'm still obsessed with the show, re-watching s1 and 2, reading the book again, listening to the audio drama. And I'm on tumblr, seeing people's posts and art to somehow sate my hunger for a s3 that doesn't exist (yet).

And I'm having a wonderful time.

[pohtaytoh]

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗪𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗬/𝗟/𝗡

*ೃ༄ Megan Skiendiel x f!reader

Everyone ships Megan Skiendiel with your brother Gabriel, convinced they're endgame. He's always taking credit for the sweet gestures that make Megan swoon, and she totally believes he's the one. But you, Y/N Y/L/N, have been secretly head over heels for Megan for years. You're the one leaving those thoughtful gifts and sending those encouraging messages, watching your brother bask in the glory.

But as Megan starts spending more time with you, she can't shake this feeling. Now Megan's wondering if the person she's really meant to be with has been right in front of her all this time.

part: one. two. three. four. <five.> six. epilogue.

The sharp voice, slicing through the quiet night air, made both Y/N and Megan jump. Y/N’s heart, already doing a frantic dance, seemed to skip a beat and then pound even harder. The warmth from Megan’s hand on her arm vanished as Megan quickly pulled back, turning towards the sound.

It was Gabriel. He stood a few feet away, bathed in the dim light spilling from the auditorium doors, his usual charming smile replaced by a tight, unreadable frown. His eyes, usually so full of easy warmth, were now narrowed, fixed on them.

Y/N felt a cold wave wash over her, chilling her from head to toe. The beautiful, fragile bubble she and Megan had built around themselves felt like it might pop at any second.

"Megan?" Gabriel repeated, his voice still low, but with a hint of something sharp beneath it. "I was looking for you. The show's almost over. I thought we were going to grab some food." He didn't even glance at Y/N, as if she were still just part of the shadows.

Megan took a small step away from Y/N, a quick, almost nervous shift. "Oh, hey, Gabriel," she said, her voice a little too bright, a little too quick. "Yeah, I just needed some fresh air. It was really warm there. Y/N just came out too."

Gabriel's gaze finally flickered to Y/N, a dismissive glance that said, Of course, she'd be here. "Right," he said, drawing out the word, his eyes lingering on Megan for a moment longer before turning back to the auditorium.

"Well, come on. Everyone's heading to that new burger place near the campus gate. It'll be fun." He held out a hand to Megan, a familiar, easy gesture that used to make Y/N’s stomach churn with envy. Now, she just watched.

Megan hesitated. Her eyes, filled with that recent deep honesty, met Y/N’s for a split second. In that fleeting moment, Y/N saw a flicker of conflict, a quiet debate. The old Megan, who would have eagerly taken Gabriel's hand, was wrestling with the new Megan, who had just confessed how truly seen she felt with Y/N.

Then, with a small, almost imperceptible shake of her head, Megan spoke. "Actually, Gabriel," she said, her voice gaining a little more strength, "I'm not really feeling burgers tonight. I think... I think I'm just gonna head back to the dorm. I'm a bit tired." She offered him a small, polite smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Gabriel's perfect smile wavered. "Tired? But you love burgers, Megs! Come on, it'll be a blast. Everyone's going." He tried to sound playful, but there was a hint of annoyance, a slight tightening around his mouth.

"No, really, I'm okay," Megan insisted gently. "You go ahead. Have fun. I'll catch you later." She took another subtle step back, away from his outstretched hand.

Gabriel paused, his eyes narrowing again, looking from Megan to Y/N, then back to Megan. He clearly sensed a shift, even if he didn't understand it. A tiny spark of something unpleasant, like suspicion, flickered in his eyes.

"Alright, if you say so," he said, his tone cooler than before. "See ya around, then. Oh and Y/N, see you at home." He gave Y/N one last cold, hard look that said, I'm watching you, before turning abruptly and walking back towards the buzzing crowd, leaving them alone again.

The silence that fell between Y/N and Megan was thick, different from the comfortable quiet they usually shared. It was heavy with the echo of Gabriel's presence, with the weight of Megan’s choice.

Megan let out a slow breath, as if she'd been holding it in. She turned fully to Y/N, her shoulders slumping slightly. "Whew. That was... awkward." She gave Y/N a small, tired smile. "He really doesn't like it when I don't go along with his plans."

Y/N’s heart felt a dizzying mix of fear and triumph. "You... you didn't go," she whispered, still almost unable to believe it. "You chose not to go with him."

Megan’s smile grew softer, more genuine. "No, I didn't," she said, her voice quiet but firm. "I didn't want to. I wanted to stay here. With you." Her eyes met Y/N’s, and in them, Y/N saw not just the honesty from before, but a deep, comforting warmth, like coming home.

"Besides," Megan continued, a playful glint entering her eyes, "who needs greasy burgers when we could find some delicious tteokbokki and ramen?

Y/N let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, a small, choked laugh escaping her lips. The tension began to melt away, replaced by a bubbling warmth. "You're trying to tempt me with Korean food, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Megan teased, her eyes twinkling. "Is it working, Y/N/N?" She poked Y/N gently in the side, a familiar playful gesture that made Y/N giggle.

"Come on, I saw a new stall on the way here. Something with rice cakes drizzled in what looks like red sauce. You love that stuff, right or are you too cool for a little post-show snack?"

"Too cool? Me?" Y/N scoffed playfully, a wide smile spreading across her face. "Never! You wound me, Megan Skiendiel! I am the patron saint of all delicious food. Lead the way, my friend, before Gabriel realizes we ditched him for carbs."

Megan laughed, a clear, happy sound that filled the night. "See? I knew you'd understand! Much better than having to listen to Gabriel brag about his singing all night, right?" She nudged Y/N lightly. "Let's go. My treat."

And just like that, the heavy shadow of Gabriel lifted. They walked side by side, their shoulders bumping playfully, under the glow of the campus lights. They found the stall and debated which sotteok looked the most delicious, joking about sharing a single serving.

They talked about the funniest parts of the talent show, making fun of bad acts and praising the surprisingly good ones. Megan shared a story about her embarrassing first time trying to cook pan fried dumplings and burning it, which made Y/N laugh so hard her stomach hurt.

Y/N told Megan about a time Gabriel tried to bake a cake for their mom and set off the fire alarm in the dorm.

"He tried to play it off like it was a special effect for a party," Y/N chuckled, shaking her head. "Said it was a 'smoke machine.' Everyone knew he just burnt the brownies."

Megan howled with laughter, leaning against Y/N, her hand instinctively finding Y/N's arm. "That sounds exactly like him! Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. You always have the best stories, Y/N. And you tell them so well."

Megan kept finding reasons to seek Y/N out. She'd show up at Y/N's dorm with a new song she couldn't stop listening to, just wanting Y/N's opinion. She'd send Y/N funny memes she found online, knowing Y/N would actually get the humor, unlike Gabriel who'd just give a polite, confused chuckle.

Slowly, day by day, hour by hour, their world started to shrink, becoming a space where only they truly fit. It was a world built on shared jokes, quiet understanding, and the comforting knowledge that with each other, they could be completely, wonderfully, themselves.

One quiet evening, a week later, they were sitting on the steps of the university’s main building, watching the few remaining students walk by. Megan was leaning her head back against the cool stone pillar, a soft smile on her face as Y/N read aloud from one of Emily Dickinson's poems. Y/N’s voice was soft, a little melodic, perfectly suited for the quiet verses.

Megan sighed softly, eyes still closed. "That's beautiful, Y/N. You read it so... you."

Y/N’s cheeks warmed at the simple compliment. She lowered the book. "What do you think she means by 'Hope' is the 'thing with feathers'?"

Megan opened her eyes, turning her head to look at Y/N, her gaze soft and thoughtful. "I think... It means hope is light, right? And it stays with you, always. Even when things are dark. It just... sings inside you, even if you can't hear the words yet. Like a quiet promise." She looked at Y/N, her eyes holding so much emotion. "Like being with you. That's what it feels like."

Y/N’s breath hitched. Her heart pounded a frantic rhythm against her ribs. The air felt thick with unspoken feelings, the truth of Megan’s words hanging between them like the soft, warm glow of the lampposts. Megan wasn't just talking about poetry anymore. She was talking about them. About Y/N.

Just as Y/N started to open her mouth, a sudden loud burst of laughter echoed from around the corner. Both of them looked up, startled.

"Hey, guys! What are you doing out here, still?" a cheerful voice called out.

It was Gabriel, walking towards them with a group of their friends. He had a wide, easy smile on his face, a soccer ball tucked under his arm. He looked at Megan, his smile widening even more.

"Megan! Perfect! We are headed to my room to eat. Mom said she cooked Chinese food and had it delivered at my place. Want to join us? We can go together.”

Megan looked at Gabriel then back at Y/N. Her eyes, which just moments ago had been full of quiet warmth and deep understanding for Y/N, now held a faint, troubled shadow. Y/N saw a hint of that familiar tiredness she'd seen before, the one Megan wore when she felt drained by Gabriel's energy. Megan's gaze flicked from Gabriel's smiling face, to Y/N, and then to the poetry book still clutched in Y/N’s hand.

"I’ll have to pass, Gabby. I'm feeling a bit tired now, maybe next time?" Megan said, trying her best to sound calm and natural, like this was an easy decision. Her voice was a little too bright, a little too quick, a small sign of the lie forming on her lips. "I promise, I'll make it up to you, okay?" She wasn't a huge fan of lying, but here she was, saying words that didn't feel true, right to Gabriel’s face.

Gabriel's confident smile instantly dropped, his face falling for just a second. But he was good at hiding it. Almost immediately, he put on a fake smile, one that didn't quite reach his eyes. "That's fine, Megs. Are you going to go and rest now?" He sounded a little too casual, like he was trying to pretend it didn't bother him.

"Yes, I'll get going. See you guys around," Megan replied, already standing up. She gently patted her lap to remove any dust that might have clung to her clothes from the steps. She gave Gabriel's friends a polite wave, then turned her gaze to Y/N.

Her smile softened, became real, and lingered on Y/N’s face for what felt like forever – a silent promise, a quiet goodbye, a deep, knowing look that made Y/N’s heart ache with a bittersweet mix of pain and pure, overwhelming hope. Then, with a soft sigh that only Y/N seemed to hear, Megan finally turned and walked away into the fading light, leaving Y/N trembling on the steps.

Y/N watched her go, a million feelings swirling inside her. Relief, because Megan had chosen her, even if it was just to be "tired." Joy, because that shared look had said so much but also a growing fear of what Gabriel would say.

Gabriel's cheerful facade completely dropped the moment Megan was out of sight. He turned to Y/N, his eyes no longer playful, but hard and dark. His smile was gone, replaced by a cold, challenging stare that made Y/N’s blood run cold. He didn't even bother to lower his voice for the friends who were still there, shifting uncomfortably.

"Y/N?" he said, his voice low and dangerous, each word like a sharp stone thrown at her. "We need to talk. Now." His gaze burned into her, cold and accusing, and Y/N felt a shiver of dread creep up her spine. The easy peace she'd found with Megan had shattered, replaced by the chilling storm of her brother's suspicion.

Gabriel’s face was dark, his eyes colder than Y/N had ever seen them. Before Y/N could even react, he moved. Her own brother grabbed her wrist, his fingers clamping around it so hard she was sure a bruise would bloom there later.

He didn't just grab it, he yanked her, pulling her off the stone staircase so suddenly that she gasped, losing her grip on the precious poetry book. It fluttered to the ground, pages splayed open, ignored. Gabriel didn't let go.

He dragged her towards his dorm, moving with a furious speed, as if he’d been waiting, even looking forward to this moment. The latter took note of the fact that his friends didn't follow them, proving her suspicions right. Y/N didn't have a chance to pick up the book, or even breathe. She was just pulled along, her heart hammering against her ribs, knowing the storm was about to break.

Gabriel slammed the door to his dorm room shut behind them, the loud bang echoing through the small space. He finally let go of Y/N's wrist, shoving her lightly away. Y/N stumbled back, rubbing her aching wrist, her eyes wide with a mix of fear and a sudden, burning anger.

"What was that, Gabriel?!" Y/N demanded, her voice trembling slightly, but rising. "You can't just grab me like that! You hurt me!"

Gabriel scoffed, running a hand through his perfectly styled hair, his chest rising and falling with quick, angry breaths. "Hurt you? Oh, I hurt you?" He turned to face her fully, his eyes blazing. "What about what you're doing? What have you been planning, Y/N? Trying to steal Megan away from me?"

The accusation hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. Y/N felt a hot flush creep up her neck. "What are you talking about? I haven't been planning anything!"

"Don't lie to me!" Gabriel yelled, taking a step closer, his voice booming. "I'm not stupid, Y/N! I see how she looks at you now. How she talks to you. She blew off a fun night with me and all our friends to hang around with you! Why? What have you been whispering in her ear?"

Y/N felt a surge of pure rage, years of hidden pain and resentment bubbling to the surface. "Whispering? I haven't been whispering anything! We just... we just talk, Gabriel! Like normal people!"

"Normal people?" he sneered, scoffing again. "Megan and I are planning to make it official! You're my sister! You're supposed to be on my side, not trying to ruin things for me!" His words were like daggers, aiming straight for her deepest insecurities.

"Ruin things for you?" Y/N's voice cracked, but she pushed on, her own anger now matching his. "Is that all this is about, Gabriel? Your perfect little life? Your perfect little girl? Your perfect image?!" The words tumbled out, faster and faster, fueled by years of silent suffering.

"Because that's all you care about! What people see! What people think! You don't care about anything that's real!"

"What are you even talking about, Y/N?!" he roared, throwing his hands up in frustration. "I care about Megan! I always have!"

"No, you don't!" Y/N shrieked, tears starting to blur her vision, but she didn't care. She couldn't stop now. The dam had broken.

"You care about having her as your trophy! Your pretty, popular girl! You don't listen to her, Gabriel! You don't see her! You just hear what you want to hear! You take credit for every thoughtful thing I've ever done for her because you're too busy being the 'charming' one!"

Gabriel froze, his mouth falling open. "What are you talking about? What credit? What are you even saying?!" He looked genuinely confused, his anger momentarily replaced by shock.

"The chai lattes!" Y/N sobbed, pointing a trembling finger at him, tears streaming down her face now. "The philosophy help! The study guides! The little notes of encouragement before her soccer games! All the things you pretended you did! All the things I did because I actually care about her! Because I see her, Gabriel! I see the real Megan! The one you're too busy playing games to even notice!"

Her voice was raw, choked with emotion, thick with years of unspoken love and heartache. Every word was a confession, a release, and a painful, painful truth. She was shaking, her whole body trembling as she stood there, finally, truly, letting it all out.

Gabriel stared at her, his face pale, his jaw slack. He looked like he'd been hit. For a moment, the room was silent, only the sound of Y/N's ragged breathing filling the air. All his anger seemed to drain away, replaced by a stunned, almost horrified look. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

And then, just as the silence stretched, heavy and tense, the door to Gabriel's dorm room, which he had slammed shut, slowly creaked open again.

A figure stood in the doorway, eyes wide, her face pale, having clearly heard every single word.

"What?" Megan whispered, her voice barely audible, but it cut through the room like a sharp knife, silencing the siblings from their furious, heartbroken fight.

previous part | next part.

a/n: Things are getting dramatic. I had fun writing this and the last part of this au. I actually shed a tear during the writing process of this chapter and the last one. I hope you felt the emotions! Thoughts? Pls? 🥹

[thebearme]

TIME TO ANSWER QUESTION ABOUT FAMILY!!!

The meeting up was more of a surprise visit than anything planned, but it when well. Donut's interactions with Petey was pretty normal... well as normal something could be in the dogman universe. A couple of dumb invasive questions but overall Donut means well, but it is draining Petey's patients.

"Yes, I was the world's most evilest cat."

"No, I won't get into the nitty-gritty of how that happened."

"Yes, Lil Petey looks exactly like me because he was made in a cloning machine."

"No, I won't explain why my tail is shorter than his."

"Yes, me and your brother are parenting him together."

"NO, WE AREN'T MARRIED!"

"NO, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO PARENT A CHILD!"

"NO I WONT EXPLAIN THE WHOLE DUMB SOCIAL CONSTRUCT THAT MAKES PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THE ONLY WAY A CHILD CAN BE RAISED RIGHT IS WITH MAN AND WOMAN MATRIMONY!!"

"Yes.... I can get you water."

Swoopy interaction with Petey was quick and short. He doesn't talk/bark... or sign.

Cocoa never talked to a cat before, let alone TWO. So if there's any sibling that going to embarrass Dogman, it's gonna to be her. Asking if it true that "cats have nine lives" or that "cats have a more sophisticated taste than other animals" or "do you have like, a billion different degrees. Oh what am I talking about, you probably already at the trillions, aren't you?" While Petey funny enough never even went to college. AND dropped out of high school when he was younger as well... But hey, even though all of those are dumb cat stereotypes he DOES enjoy being called smart.

Donut is a fun uncle to Lil Petey, telling him fun stories from when he was a pup, teaching him how to bake and all types of silly stuff.

Swoopy is like Ice bear from we bare bears, so it's a gamble if Lil Petey and him would have a normal day if you left them alone.

Cocoa (I admit I thought more in-depth about) would try to impress Lil Petey with her "travels around the world". Tho this is a big lie, she has been living on a milk farm. She doesn't think any of her REAL stories about how they make almonds into milk is really that interesting, at least to a city boy like Lil Petey and she just wants to be seen as the cool aunt! Eventually with enough pestering from Dogman, told the truth to Lil Petey and was surprised by the fact he was ACTUALLY INTERESTED in how it's like working in a farm. Anyways, Cocoa is definitely the aunt you invite if you're playing pretend or something.

Oh most definitely! I feel like he wants a sibling since he met Molly and all her brothers and sisters. Even though the household is completely chaotic he still wants a sibling.

Now don't ask me for some Detey fankid design because I don't do good in making things like that. Idk why but with all my years and different fandoms and ships I've been into, I can't imagine fankid designs for the life of me. Never had but kudos to the people who can.

Yup, If anything I think they would adopt. Idk it just feels in character, they just home a kid for a bit until uh oh- we accidentally planned a college fund- I guess we're gonna have another kid now.

Well I'll try explaining how the beginning went. It definitely was a surprise for Dogman's parents. Lil Petey had this all planned out before hand so when Petey and Dogman were getting groceries thats when Lil Petey went to get his grandpa- which was easy because the security in cat jail is crap. "Can I take my Grandpa for a night, we're gonna have a big family dinner." and a thank you note left for the Warden, went he notices after his long monolog about how he can't just let Gramps leave. 80HD was the only to grab Maggie and Joe, They all eventually met up at the house.

LP apologizes about the abrupt napping of the two and gives a proper introduction. "Hi I'm Lil Petey, your grandson!" "We kinda met before but I didn't get to say hi, so.. hi!"

The pair are still in a daze of confusion over what's even happening and HOW could this kitten be their grandson? Looking over to the old feline next to him they can guess that he's the grandfather... he kinda looks like that one cat that was with them in the first visit to the ranch. Was he the father? Does that mean-

Before the two can spiral into their next conclusion LP starts up again.

"We you two like to stay for dinner? Papa and Dogman should be coming home with the groceries soon."

With abit of distain in their face at the name "Dogman" they surprisingly nodded a silent yes to the question of if they'll stay or not.

This immediately supports Lil Petey's hopes in the situation. I was right, They do still care! They just need to talk with each other and actually talk. And maybe soon Dogman can have his parents again and we can be a big family! Plus- If it annoys Grampa enough maybe he'll admit he's wrong and start actually caring for once!

The kid is abit too optimistic because this is Grampa we're talking about and just because he's been good recently doesn't mean he's been tamed.

Grandpa has no interest in playing along with the kid, he may have not act out recently- all because that big loaf of a purple cat wouldn't let him anytime he was outside. But this time he eat what he wants, say what he wants, take what he wants and DO what he wants.

Of course Gramps can't try to steal everything in the house but 1) the house is endless. 2) he'll be robbing from a cop, and Gramps is smarter then THAT! So he sticks with playing along, at least act like he cares... but he'll make sure the dinner isn't COMPLETELY boring. The best/worst thing about Gramps is that he can read people and read them well. Seeing from the two dogs expressions and body language, there must be some tension between them and their son. Some tension, ey? That's fun.

Sorry for no drawing with this but the answer for how the interactions went was... something.

They are tense about the whole thing but they do ask Lil Petey more about himself. And of course LP gladly tells them and even shows a little comic he made before hand with them in it. It's about them and Dogman forgive each other and become a big family- LP isn't sneaking ok but he's trying.

This is all before Dogman and Petey enter the house.

Im sorry that's what yall giving off /j

anyway- I never planned out the full dinner. So even if wrote it out instead of illustrating it, I still wouldn't have much. I'm sorry guys.

I only got these bulletpoints.

Quiet dinner till someone talks first.

Dogman's parents don't have a good bias towards cats. So this is making Petey REALLY irritated. Which cycles back to this REALLY not being a good idea.

LP leaves for a second to make a little phone call

Petey prays that some kind of monster or villain of the week shows up to stop the dinner. But no it's even worse-

Molly should up to help LP and soften the tension.

But the tension finally blows when Gramps decides to spill the ONE big open secret that everyone but him promises to not bring up. "If you hate how your son looks so much then you got Petey to really blame. It is his fault that the old Greg and Knight you knew are gone."

Plates were smashed and food was flying all before dessert.

Gramps was sent back to jail no duh and 80HD took Molly and Dogman's parents home. Petey and Dogman comfort and clean up Lil Petey and tell him- "Although what you did was bad we understand why you did it. But Lil Petey, sometimes there are families that can't reconcile with. No matter how much you want them to, no matter how much you try, it's doesn't mean it will work and that's okay."

"I wish my parents could be in my life, to see us grow and change and cherish everything around us but they can't... I've accepted that, because if I have to choose a family I'm only attracted to by birth that doesn't want me for me OR a mitch-match of misfits that care about each other through thick and thin. Then I'm choosing my misfits no matter what."

I probably made you cry, oops! If this inspires anyone to make something DO IT!! I love creative so go crazy.

[barblaz-arts]

Found out about you and your chaggie art on twt and decided to check out more of it on here! I’ve heard about hazbins hotel before and have seen the pair and fanart of them but haven’t made the decision to watch the show.

Wanted to ask from your perspective, what is it about chaggie that you like? Could be anything about their relationship dynamics, wtv representation that they portray, anything! Should I watch hazbins hotel for them 🤔

Gosh! What do I love about them??

Oh man, welll... On a surface level? The dynamics they display are just so delicious to me, and I especially love that it's always a little subverted with them, yunno? It's angelXdemon, but the demon is the precious sunshine while the angel is the grump with a body count. The princessXknight dynamic they display is subverted too because although Charlie is the one born in the worst realm in Creation, she's still the privileged princess, meanwhile even though Vaggie is the one who came from literal paradise, she's the one who lived a life that wasn't exactly luxurious. They just present dynamics I've already always loved but with a fun little twist.

But on a deeper level, I think I love Chaggie because they're already so far along in their relationship, and you can see it in how comfortable they are with each other, which was such a surprise for me. You see, I'm not very good at fixating on ships when they're already canon. Like, I'd think it's cute, but I wouldn't be itching to find fics about them. And if a ship I've liked finally gets together, I actually... usually... Kinda sorta love the ship a little less... I'd still like them! I just wont be as giddy about them.

But omg Chaggie still manages to give me butterflies, and I think it's because they're way past the honeymoon phase, something that I barely see represented for sapphic couples who are such important characters in a story. Lotsa people didnt like how it wasn't initially obvious that they were a couple, but I actually really loved how the writers and animators showed how deep their bond is without having them making out ang grope each other all the time. God if they were like that, it'd probably give me the ick.

It was just lowkey, because they've been together for years. Charlie would casually rest her arm on Vaggie's thigh and Vaggie isn't flustered because it's probably a habit of Charlie's by now. Vaggie would tuck Charlie's hair out of her face while she's worried about something and it isn't framed as a special thing, but you can tell by how Vaggie looks at Charlie that it wasn't done with any less love than it did over the years. And when Charlie's stressed about a phone call, Vaggie wordlessly offers her hand and Charlie takes it with a quick appreciative smile before holding on tight and bouncing their joined hands up and down like it's a stress reliever.

Their interactions weren't uber sweet with heated physicality, but the show had them display familiarity and comfort instead. And idk i just love that. I love that you can clearly tell they're best friends. Like, the very first scene they appear in for the Pilot, Vaggie is tying Charlie's bowtie for her while Charlie stares at her with a smile on her face. So cute...

Also. I just think both of them are hot lmao

So. Do I think you should watch the show for Chaggie? Idrk. I personally watched for them, but I came into the show expecting not to get much shipping fuel bcuz they were already in a relationship in a show that has a whole dang lot more going on in it. So some people who wanted to get into the ship expecting maybe a lotta smooching felt unsatisfied. But honestly, what did they expect from a 8 ep season that only had a run time of 22 mins per episode, in a show that wasn't even a romance? 😭 I personally thought we got a decent amount without taking away from the actual plot.

I think you should try to watch with the mindset of just having plain ol fun. Try the first 2 episodes, which is only 40 mins of your day. If it doesn't jive with you, that's totally fine. But pls do check out the songs if you dont like the show. The songs are so good. My favorite song from the season has plot stuff, but this one is my second favorite

And since we're talking about Chaggie, here's the reprise of that song sung by them. It's short, but they promised more chaggie songs will be in season 2 so im not too sad about it. Charlie and Vaggie's VA harmonizing is just beautiful.

Edit: for those who saw this post when i accidentally prematurely posted it before adding the links and photos, no you didn't 😐

[evelyns-envy]

Hi, I really liked your account <3. Could you make a hc of Daisuke with the reader being Swansea's daughter? But I understand if you don't want to :>

(sorry if the writing is bad, English is not my first language and I used the translator ಥ_ಥ)

YES YES I WILL HAPPILY WRITE THAT (your english is better than mine and english is my first language lmfao.)! this is such a cool idea though and i never even thought of it. this is my first req ever im so excited tysm!!

✎ "but daddy i love him!" (i'm havin' his baby, NO IM NOT but you should see your faces ;)) -taylor swift

warnings! - SMUT HCS + SFW!, vibrator, pegging, reader being swanseas daughter and getting w daisuke, MY FIRST REQ GUYS BE SO PROUD, evelyn is freaky 😼

SFW!!

oh jesus this is certainly a concept

you're there for almost the same reason daisuke is, for in internship.

however... daisuke is there since his parents are rich asf and paid for him to go, you're there because you've been rejected from your dream job and went into a depression due to it.

swansea knew he wouldn't let his daughter suffer, so he asked if you could been an intern on the ship for Anya.

the Pony Express executives were hesitant at first, but caved when Swansea offered for them to renew his contract for longer.

your first day aboard, you make fast friends with Anya and faster friends with Daisuke.

you ended up having to share a room with daisuke, in bunk beds.

a flirty/silly argument about who got top bunk, ending with daisuke going “what if we just share?”

he knew damn well

taking advantage of your stunned face and mind, he jumped up on the top bunk and stuck his tongue out at you.

”i was just joking, mini mechanic.”

100% calls you mini mechanic for the rest of the time on the ship even though technically HES the mini mechanic but wtv let him have his fun

is actually so glad you’re relatively the same age as him, and was really excited to be able to talk w you about younger and occasionally inappropriate stuff

UNTILL he found out you’re his boss’s daughter..!

tries to keep the dirty jokes to a minimum, but fails miserably

it was always pretty obvious that he had a thing for you, even before yall got together

would be asking swansea abt you 24-7 and your hobbies and favorite things only to be met with “stay away from my daughter, juarez.”

is now 10x more scared

and you’re also 10x more attractive to him since he knows he can’t have you

intentionally gets his finger jammed in something while helping your dad so he can go to medbay and see you

once you’re about a month into the trip, you two have regular staying up late and YAPPING sessions in your room

he’ll occasionally come down from his bunk and sit on the floor next to your bed if the topic is deeper, until you notice he looks uncomfortable on the metal floor and tell him to come sit on the bed

anddd thats how babies are made folks! the end!

nah jk anyways you two talk until the early hours of the artificial ‘morning’ on the ship

when yall finally run out of things to talk about, you realize he’s laying next to you and you’re laying on his arm

oh nooo how did that happen (fuck already damn)

“comfy there?”

”shut up.”

”make me, mini mechanic.”

”now is not the time to bring up my father, dai.”

you playing w his hair and growing to understand how much he loves when you do that

eventually falling asleep in each others arms

you cannot tell me this mf isn’t SO comfy to sleep on be so fr

waking up to YOUR DAD 🤗 banging on the door demanding that daisuke get up and come help him fix smth in the storage

getting jump scared and shaking dai awake bc bro is knocked out and snoring

him opening the door and yall having to act like you weren’t wrapped in each others arms, entirely consumed in the other

holy shit that was fuckin poetic

awkwardly waving bye to him, both of you having a knowing smile tugging at your lips

he eventually asks you out, VERY awkwardly and in the middle of one of the routine late night talks

you accept happily (no shit)

doing basically everything together

always bringing dai along when you’re in front of your dad js for funsies and to piss him off a little

even while swansea doesn’t seem like he approves of the relationship, he secretly loves how sweet and gentle daisuke is to you

+ his parents are rich so you’re set!!

always telling Anya you need to go ask your dad something when really you js wanna see your pretty boyfriend

you both love each other so fucking much it’s insane. and getting your dad to approve is next level

NSFW….!! (watch out 😛😼 ‘ya girl evelyn is a wee bit freaky)

if you’re a little bolder, you definitely jerk dai off under the workbench where both he AND YOUR FATHER are working (this hc isn’t mine i saw it somewhere else on tumblr btw i js love it sm)

ok listen. dai is a sub at heart, but a bratty sub.

tries to talk back to you? his ass is getting bent over the nearest surface and fucked stupid by your strap (it’s always close by 😼)

also jacking him off while another crew mate is nearby, one i think would be good is curly’s bday celebration. jacking dai off as he’s trying so hard to focus on making the cake while all you can focus on is his slutty noises spilling uncontrollably from his mouth.

going down on him while he’s talking abt his usual unluckiness when trying to find a girl to truly love him, and now js his money. slowly unzipping his jeans while he keeps ranting, breath slightly jagged now.

“they alway-.. (y/n)? uh- what are y- mhmmm. never mind. feels good.”

he says as you gently tug his pants down, letting him fall around his ankles as you look up at him w those fucking eyes. shit. he’s a goner.

leaning back against whatever wall you undoubtedly have him pushed against, head thrown back as his trimmed nails run through you hair, egging you on.

you’re totally in swansea’s office change my fucking mind and he’s sitting on your dad’s desk 😋

“don’t mess up any papers, pretty. don’t want my father finding out you were gettin’ all ruined by his daughter on his desk, now do you?”

“n-no.. don’t mm- don’t want that.”

“then keep quiet and be good.”

he’s so fuckin freaky he’s defo an exhibitionist

you’re a girl- so you obviously brought a vibrator be SO fr w me rn

you definitely press it against his tip while slowly licking up the base

he is SO vocal that you have to tie his hawaiian shirt around his mouth so that he won’t YELL

gets cum on an important paper and yall have to throw it away lmfao

swansea being confused as shit abt where the document went and has been searching the Tulpar and asking all the crewmates if they’ve seen it

oopsies…

[loudest-subtext-in-tv]

The Blind Banker and Iain M. Banks's Transition

Years ago I ordered the edition of the London A-Z I thought was most likely used in The Blind Banker just to see if the graffiti cypher actually matched. Well, it didn't. Not especially surprising, I suppose.

But two things nagged at me for a decade now:

One of the numbers in the cypher is "221." You know, like 221b. Did they only throw that in there for fun?

One of the books the murder victims had in common was Iain M. Banks's Transition, which made it a candidate for the cypher. When Sherlock pulls the book out of the box, he turns it to page 15, and the first word is "cigarette."

Out of all the other candidate books, that word has the most relevance to the show and Sherlock himself. But every time I got the urge to buy the first edition of Transition I would remind myself I wasted money on the London A-Z, and I'd manage to get on with life.

Well, the last time I rewatched The Blind Banker, I finally snapped. Sherlock said that stupid word and it lingered on the stupid screen, and I took a strong, stupid stand: I would not get on with life. I paid $36 to have a first edition shipped from the U.K... to my old address, where the London A-Z had been sent the last time. Stupid. I watched the tracking like an idiot, and on the delivery day, I put a letter on the door of my old address explaining my stupidity. The new tenant called me to let me know my stupidity was not terminal. I picked it up, safe and sound, and hoped it would be worth the trouble.

Baby, was it EVER!

Warning: This book, on a page referenced, has explicit sex. Like, fanfic-level explicit sex.

I turned to page 15, and the first word was indeed "cigarette." Correct edition, then, and they really did bother to use an accurate page and word for The Blind Banker:

I should explain the premise of this book. It doesn't matter a ton, but you're naturally going to wonder why these pages are so unusual.

It's science fiction, and agents called "Transitionaries" can move between infinite parallel realities to embody pre-existing people in order to change events. So when they land in a body they have that person's same neuroses, sexual preferences, etc.

Here's a few shots of the cypher for reference:

The first thing you're wondering is if the cypher spells out anything using Transition. The answer is no, not anything coherent. It says, "Edward like killed here speaking been sit of [BLANK]."

What's insane is the things on the referenced pages -- and especially what's on page 127, the one that's paired with the number 221.

This is what the script for The Blind Banker said about the book comparison scene:

So they wanted to throw in something saucy. Well, things are about to get saucy for those of us who are obsessive enough.

Let's start in on the cypher.

Page 112 is about a stock trader named Edward, talking about how some things are insanely overvalued. Oh, what a coincidence: The Blind Banker revolves around a stock trader named Edward (van Coon) stealing a jade hairpin worth £9 million.

Page 103 is next, but doesn't strike me as anything special so I'm only putting it here for posterity.

Bear in mind they had to create enough words for the Tong's instructions; they're obviously not going to find a book with nine different pages of coincidental overlaps with The Blind Banker and Sherlock as a show, especially not when they only had one series of material at the time to correlate to anything. The ones that match up are worth the wait, so bear with me.

Page 36 is also not super relevant, although The Blind Banker does feature kidnapping, attempted murder, etc. Let's keep going, because the next page is a doozy.

Page 70 is our first jackpot: The narrator lands in the body of a gay man in London, with dark curly hair and pale hands who speaks multiple languages -- including German, which Sherlock speaks in The Blind Banker.

🔥 Oh, and a handsome male assistant is attracted to him. 🔥

And that's all the warning we get to prepare us for page 127, the one that's linked with the number 221:

🔥 A couple going over the evidence to untangle some mystery, one of them fingering the other while they get a handjob. If you only read page 127 it comes across like anal fingering, so I'm including page 126 first which... well, it still makes explicit mention of her anus, what can you do. 🔥

Here's the preamble page, page 126:

And here's page 127 itself, just after:

This has, uh... incredible Sherlock energy to say the least. Particularly the one getting fingered.

Let's keep this rolling.

Page 19 is about someone who was into drugs using their knowledge of the criminal class and their facility with observation and manipulation to trade secrets and turn their life around:

The next page in the cypher is page 15, which is same page referenced in the death threats, i.e. the first page I covered.

Then we've got page 7, which is about how eclipses are insane coincidences where two things line up exactly. The Blind Banker is about matching pairs.

Finally, page 178 is simply a blank page between chapters.

And there you have it. Thank God I can quit wondering about this book every time I watch TBB.

[fallen-gravity]

some thoughts on the moana 2 novelization, as threatened promised <3 under a readmore for spoilers and also because I don't trust myself to keep it short

(friendly reminder that I do not ship Maui and Moana! you can rb, but don't be weird about it)

Genuinely right off the bat I can't get over how loving Moana is described to be? She just loves others so much. She always describes Pua and HeiHei as her friends rather than her pets because of how much she cares about them!! it's so stupid cute that not only does she refer to Pua as her "loyal, adorable friend", but it's also implied that she handmade the little satchel he likes to ride in just for him. It eats me up inside!! She cares so much!!

The center island she's looking for is spelled as Motufetū!! I always love getting confirmation for these things, it makes things so much easier as a fic writer.

One of the souveniers she takes back with her alongside the broken pottery is a "massive clam". hello???? foreshadowing??? did everyone know about the giant clam guardian??

"For a man who had once forbidden her from going beyond the reef, he now spent quite a lot of time beyond it himself." AUUWHAAHHH THAT LINE KILLED ME WE LOVE TO SEE GROWTH FROM TRAUMA

"He loved her enthusiasm, but she seemed overexcited, and she was still his daughter, and he wanted to take care of her" MOANA!!! IS!!! SO LOVED!!!!

Loto's tool is called an adze! also she's apparently only 17?? two years younger than Moana?? not at all what I would've pegged her as, honestly

The storytelling tapestries are called siapos!!! more terminology!!!

"Her eyes darted to the image of Maui carved into the wall. She hadn't seen him since her return to Motunui, and she missed him. Not that she would admit it out loud" STRANGLING YOU STRANGLING YOU STRANGLING YOU

"Humans, were in fact, why he was here now, in this unknown realm of the gods looking at the pinkish white ball in front of him. At least, he thought that might be why he's here. These missions to benefit humans didn't always come with clear instructions" immediately followed by thinking about the trip to Te Fiti with Moana. What a dumbass <3 "I'm doing it for them and I don't know why? totally unrelated note haha that trip to Te Fiti with Moana was fun :)"

Never saw any of that journey coming, never could brute force his way through it, worth every second. Only considers getting the hook back as an afterthougt, ougghhhhhhh

Homeboy sucks at pretending that he doesn't care about Moana. He's talking to Matangi for all of two seconds and he's all "I'm a changed person! For um. no particular reason! It was definitely because of the thousand year isolation and nothing else whatsoever!"

There's no finite explanation for why Maui's there, but he credits Moana for making him a better person for being the reason. Something about breaking the curse? It's never made clear, even in the book.

Mini Maui selling him out for bullshitting about hating Moana is even funnier in the book, like Maui goes "yeah lol that girl was just a tool I uused to get my hook back" and Mini Maui starts pounding on him. Homeboy Moana can't even hear you and you're still mad at Maui for bullshitting, it kills me. Maui tries shooting him down. "Mini Maui wasn't convinced" has me in stitches

Maui's internal dialogue shifting to "oh wait, yeah, I wanted to surprise her with a visit. Oops." while he's tied up also has me in stitches. ffs, maui, get your priorities straight

"He refused to let Moana be hurt or threatened" I am on the floor

Every time Tui calls Moana "my dear" it adds ten years to my lifespan

The siapo of Maui in the storytelling fale is so lifelike that "it's as if he were about to jump off the fabric at any moment and start teasing her." that's so stupid cute!!!! also so stupid sad that she probably talks to it a lot hoping that it'll work someday. ough.

"Maui was having a bad day. Actually, he was having a lot of bad days"." feels like it was pulled right from a fic I would've written in 2018, I'm screaming

"I don't need her to save me...again" swallowing the earth as we speak

Curly still being the default nickname is also taking me out I need to be given financial compensation asap

There's a parallel that got lost in translation from page to movie, there's the bit where Moana's like "I'm sure Maui's off doing important demigod stuff, wherever he is", but there's also a bit of internal monologue where Maui's like "I hope Moana's faring better than I am, wherever she is" I'm gonna conk their heads together y'all need to communicate

The book directly mentions Moana and her crew passing Te Fiti. Did I miss that from the movie? Did they show Te Fiti, or is this a book-exclusive detail?

Their little Kakamora buddy has a name!! Kotu we don't deserve you. Also he's the Chief Kakamora's son! I just thought he was second in command. That's a whole baby

Maui knows who Pua is, somehow! He sees Pua waddling around and his first thought is "okay, this is weird, why do these people have Moana's pig with them?". Doesn't even remotely click that she could be with them. He's actually about to leave until HeiHei shows face and boy is he absolutely mortified. It eats me up inside. Instant shift of "goodbyeeeeee random humans I don't liiiike!!!" to oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, where is she????

Incredibly suspicious that Moana is the human that has all the gods talking. Something too about Maui having to force himself not to care about her. Did someone do a little too much bragging about his favorite human?

"I thought you'd be...more." okay a) I def think Maui's been overhyping her and b) haha More callback we love to see it

Also, Matangi's just a demigoddess! Not a goddess at all. interesting, interesting, interesting

Moana also sucks at priorities, one single mention of Maui and she instantly shifts to oh, oh my god, is he here? is he nearby? where is he?

Moana recognizes the Portal of the Gods as similar to the entrance to Lalotai...does that mean Lalotai is connected to the Realm of the Gods, in some way? are they the same place under a different name? also all :') that the dance she does to open the portal is specifically meant to be a copy of the haka that Maui did in the first movie.

You know, I think you need her just as much as she needs you. WHAT DOES IT MEAAAN? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM???? YOU NEED EACH OTHER??? WHY DO THE GODS KNOW?? WHY DO THE GODS KNOW????

The first thing Moana does when she's back on her canoe is look for Maui because she thinks he's gone 🥹 wants to go back and look for him until she realizes he's the reason she's dangling in the air. Did he stop her from falling off the canoe? ough, I'm deceased

I can't get over Moana assuming he just wants to catch up, they are both such chronic babblers.

"His expression was both happy and annoyed." I'm losing my shit.

"But yeah, it is good to see you again" 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹.

"The fire in the sky lead us to you" can we stop with the written in the stars stuff. can we stop. my poor heart can't take it. platonic soulmates fr. "maybe we're supposed to do this together." THE GODS KNOW!!!! THEY KNOW!!!

"Maui bit back a smile." kill me. kill me. i'm dead on the spot. kill me.

Ohhhhh, I always love seeing what they do in place of the songs and the replacement for "Can I Get a Chee-Hoo?" kills me most of all, I think. Maui still goes to sit with her, but when Moana starts talking about all the people she's gonna let down, he comes to a screeching halt when she mentions Simea.

"If anyone should be upset, it should be me. Since when do you have a sister?"

"You would've met her, if you ever came to visit me." OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!!! She's trying to tease him but there's a tinge of hurt in her voice, like she feels like he doesn't care enough about her to take the time for her!! You need her as much as she needs you!!!!!

"Three years is a blip to me, princess," says the liar who thought about her on a near-daily basis!!!!

"Empathy wasn't Maui's strong suit. But he seemed to be trying- for her. and that dulled the pain a little" i am in my grave. i am in my grave.

"Why are you even here?" -> "Because...because I've been low before, and I couldn't see my path. And someone came along who I underestimated and she lifted me up. Someone I don't want to underestimate herself right now." THROWING UP!!!!!

"Wow, you're the worst at this." -> "Maui pretended to look offended" conking their heads together as we speak they are so SWEET!!!!!

Maui giving her all the credit for being the one to defeat Nalo!!! not himself!!!! her!!!!!!!

"Maui said he was better for knowing her. That had to count for something" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It still destroys me that Maui's entire priority is keeping Moana safe!!! He's not just diving in to fight, he keeps going back to make sure they're all safe!!! that's all that matters to him!!!

God their little exchanges are so stupid they're killing me. "Nalo doesn't care about you!" "Yes he does! I'm Maui!!" "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!" dumbasses <3

oooh he really doesn't want to separate, his eyes keep going back and forth between Moana and the monster storm :')

Okay. okay. okay. listen. there's a lot more to Maui's goodbye in the book than in the movie. In the book it's an apology. It's a rushed explanation on why he hadn't gone back to visit her prior. He lied about not having the time for her. All his time has been about and for her.

The reason I didn't visit...was 'cause you made me want to be better. You deserve the whole ocean...I wanted you to have it. Watch yourself out there. I could pull up millions of islands, but if you're not there to land on them, what's the point?

FOR!!!! HER!!!!! EVERYTHING!!!! IS!!!!! FOR!!!!! HER!!!!!

He hated leaving Moana and her crew behind,

He trusted her.

God, coud you imagine? First movie Maui, getting his hook destroyed? Those three words hold more power than anything. He trusted her. If anyone can do this it's her. He trusts her. He trusts her.

His thoughts kept drifting back to Moana. Nothing else matters!!! He could be all full of himself and think about how heroic he's being for The Humans (other) and all he's thinking about is his Favorite Human.

The thought of failing her pushed on him as the weight of the water grew heavy.

WHO WROTE THIS!!!! WHO READ OUR FANFICS!!!!! WHO KNEW!!!!!

His tattoos glowing with the power of the gods the first time he tries lifting Motufetū.....were there other gods that were helping him? are there gods who know?? Te Fiti if you're out there,,,,,,,,,

Moana rushing to protect Maui when lightning barely misses him the first time is.........destroying me?? taking me out??? imagine being protective over a demigod literally pulling an island out of the sea. imagine trying to take many hits for him. using her conch shell to call out to the storm to hit her instead? Maui yelling at her to Not do that? probably because it's breaking his own heart to watch?? ough.

"It went against every instinct, but Moana knew she had to listen to him." THAT'S ALSO GROWTH!!! KEEPING THEM BOTH SAFE BY NOT PUSHING HERSELF FROWARD!!!! GROWTH!!!!!

Maui getting hit by three strikes of lightning, and he uses what he thinks are his last dying moments to say goodbye to Moana. He locks eyes with her, gives her a sad smile, and yells Find your way, kid. Just to her. Just loud enough that she's the only one who can hear. and oh boy is this book brutal about that fourth and "fatal" lightning strike. It's strong enough to fry him. It launches him up so high in the air that Moana can't even see him

So, uh...fun fact! The reason Moana doesn't instantly dive in the water to go after him is because she thinks she's too late and that he's dead on impact. She doesn't even see him hit the water.

"Moana gasped as she felt her necklace pop open and her shell- Simea's shell- toppled out. Frantically,she reached for it, ignoring the danger around her. She couldn't lose that shell. She had already lost so much."

She thinks of everyone she loves when she's about to dive into the water and reach for Motufetū herself and Maui's among them right alongside her family. God. If there were ever a more indirect found family confirmation............

Lightning flashed, illuminating the sky and filtering through the water. Moana hoped that her crew was okay. That Maui had somehow survived. RIGHT!!! FROM!!!! THE FICS!!!! I SWEAR THIS IS PULLED RIGHT FROM THE OLD FICS!!!

His hook was missing, but he didn't care. He dove in after Moana. Hi, yes, 2018-era me is screaming out from inside me. She's clawing her way out of my chest. This is everything she's ever needed.

Fun fact part two! I don't remember how it was in the movie, but Maui watches Moana die too!! I think in the movie he just sees her still body on the surface of Motufetū, but in the book he dives under the water just a moment sooner and helplessly watches the lightning strike through her body. He watches her go still and sink towards the ocean floor :) Now they both have the trauma of watching each other die! :) :)

He tries desperately to catch her before she hits the floor but there are multiple instances of him being knocked back by a shockwave :') The gods sure have found his weakness!!!

He pushed through it. Nothing was stopping him from reaching Moana.

The grieving!!! The grieving is so fierce!!

Isn't it fun?? He practically has a burial ceremony for her! He catches her before her body hits the floor, and he places her gently on the surface of the island so she can fulfill her story! God! I'm unwell! He places Simea's little shell next to her body so Moana can be close to her sister one final time!

Then, kneeling next to her, he put his hand to his heart. It rested on the tattoo of Moana that had appeared after their last adventure. It had been his constant reminder in the three years since how strong a human could be. 🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭😭😭🥹😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It's just...he doesn't even realize the ocean is creating a dome around them! He's that grief-striken!!

The ocean knows them. It knows what they need. He calls it Moana's. Moana's ocean. aUGGHHHHHH.

Hey so all of that talk about Maui not allowing himself to let the gods know that Moana's his friend and then he's begging them. He's begging the gods and her (her? his? huamnity in general?) ancestors to save her because she deserves more than this. she deserves better. If any of the gods knew nothing of the two of them they sure as hell did now, ohhhhhh boy is that gonna screw him over later :')

So the book never explicitly states she's a demigoddess either! It very ominously states that She'll never be the same.

Moana gets to see her ancestors this time! I can't remember if she woke up before they disappeared in the movie, but when she wakes up her thought process goes wait, where am I? to oh, shit, MAUI?!?!? to TAUTAI VASA? TALA?? HELLO??? someone please invent therapy already she's gonna need it pretty desperately

god imagine if she thought maui was also dead?? she doesn't but ohhhh. ohhhhhh the angst potential of her thinking they're all there to see her off. god.

Shock and awe. That's all Moana can get out of Maui's expression when she catches him staring.

Mini Maui, the more accurate voice, is bawling his little eyes out when he sees that Moana's okay

Moana understands the implications instantly. and she knows that she's only alive now because Maui prayed for her

"Arching an eyebrow, she nodded over her shoulder. It was time they raised an island- togehter". SICK!!! TO!!! MY!!! STOMACH!!!

"She saw Maui, a familiar comfort in this uncharted territory" [AGGRESIVE TABLE SLAMMING] THAT'S FOUND FAMILY BAYBEEEEE

:') there's a big group hug with Moana's crew and Maui tries to wiggle his way to the center. That's almost shot for shot a scene from one of the first Moana fics I ever wrote back in December of 2017 :') turning into a little lizard and skittering into the center of the hug where Moana is because he wants a proper hug too :')

Okay so I definitely know for sure that when it says the villagers of Motunui are shocked Maui's there because they've heard so many stories about him that it's just the regular old legacy stories. but listen. let me be deluisional. it's because Moana always tells stories and Moana's like. known around the island as his best friend. so it's like!!! oh!!! there he is!!! Tautai Moana's best friend!!!! :')

He calls Simea Mini Moana!!!! weeping and sobbing

Simea's big brown eyes familiar. He Also calls Simea tugging on his ear Very Familiar. That's so stupid cute. I wonder if he ever visited when Moana was out voyaging and he ran into Simea if he'd be able to tell that she was her little sister? :') also hilarious because I'm sure it implies Moana told him Simea wanted to yell at him and he went "yeah okay that's fair"

(still lowkey sad Maui never gets included in the family hugs. Ohhhh if they ever found out what he did to save her they'd pull him straight in for sure)

MAUI STAYS!!! CONFIRMATION THAT HE STAYS!!!!

He stays long enough for things to calm down. He and Moana head out by themselves to help their little Kakamora buddy reunite with his family (cough cough)

Moana goes from "that kid" to his "dear friend." cherished. beloved. it's not even relelvant to the plot. He just smiles at her and goes "where to now?" and it's just. that's his dear friend!!! god!!!! so beloved!!! that feels like it holds even more weight than best friend!!!

god. god. I really gotta write a fic where they talk about watching each other die

good shit!!! gooood shit!!! I'm gonna be screaming about this forever. god.

[kymera219]

I've officially posted 30 Teen Wolf fics on A03! Granted this number is probably small potatoes in general, but for being in a Fandom for a little over six months and trying to write around two rambunctious womb nuggets, I feel very accomplished 🤣

Here's a master list of all my Teen Wolf fics in case someone wants to check them out and revel in my joy lol

~STETER~

New Year's Resolution Solution 383 Words

Stiles tries to make a list of New Year's resolutions, but Peter has his own goal in mind

A Familal Present 500 words

Malia gives Peter something unexpected for Christmas (and Stiles surprises them both)

My Furry Little Friend 2,126 words

Stiles gets a new dog....sort of

I'll Always Choose You 615 words

"You....actually chose me?"

The 'no one ever chooses me' went unsaid, but Stiles heard it, and he suddenly had a deep, visceral hatred for anyone that had ever made the older man feel that way.

The Bone Collector 711 words

Peter becomes privy to one of Stiles's more...unusual hobbies

Blood and Bone (You're Everything I Own) 844 words

Stiles and Peter encounter a problem in the preserve which leads to violence...among other things

Curly Fry Conundrum 590 words

Dinnertime with the Stilinski-Hales is never a dull affair

Sleeping with the Fishes 311 Words

Body disposals and grammar lessons...

I'm Fine Until I'm Not 486 words

Stiles is tired of pretending and wishes someone could see he was hurting.

One person does.

Shovel Talk 399 words

Peter gets a late night phone call that changes everything

The Murder Husband Club 275 words

Mason's friends have strange tastes in partners

Seasonal Romance 134 words

Stiles learns something new about Peter

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid 361 words

Scott gets some news he did not expect to hear...ever.

A Bit of a Mess 175 words

A Steter drabble based on the prompt "In my defense, you left me unsupervised"

Wish We Were Together (Now I Don't Know When I’ll See You) 847 words

Stiles feels like he's finally ready to move on, but he needs a sign from the one person he cares about most before he can

~Sterek~

The Best Part for Me (Is Laying Next to You) 767 words

Stiles is tactile with everyone in the pack but Derek, and the Alpha wants to know why

Hungover and Hung Out 159 words

Stiles drinks a little too much the night before...much to poor Derek's exasperation

Summertime Sadness 370 words

Derek's missing his family traditions so Stiles determines to think of some new ones

Date Night Disaster 268 words

Derek and Stiles finally get some alone time, but what they do with it isn't what anyone expected

Worm Woes 411 words

Stiles is upset, Derek is confused, and Peter is endlessly entertained by the both of them

Don't Touch My Things (That Includes Him) 660 words

Hunters decide to kidnap Derek..

Stiles shows them why that's a bad idea

Sourwolf Karaoke 1,724 words

The pack throws a surprise birthday party for Stiles, and Cora convinces her brother that it's the perfect opportunity to finally reveal his feelings

Eyes on Fire 683 words

Eyes on fire

Your spine is ablaze

Felling any foe with my gaze

~Poly Ships~

Canines and Confectioneries 478 words (Derek/Peter/Stiles)

A slight misunderstanding about werewolf anatomy leads to Stiles having a panic attack about his boyfriends eating habits

Contact Chaos 632 words

(Peter/Deucalion/Stiles)

Hunter's make the mistake of thinking they have the Demon Wolf's son that they can use as leverage.

What they actually have is a lot worse....for them

Christmas Clause-tastrophy 632 words

(Derek/Peter/Stiles)

A drunk Stiles is not always a fun Stiles....at least not for Peter

Spooks, Kooks, and Werewolves Oh My 1,864 words

(Peter/Stiles/Chris)

While on their honeymoon, Stiles thinks it's a good idea to prove to Chris and Peter that ghosts are real

They get more than they bargained for

Scents & Sensuality 970 words

(Peter/Stiles/Erica)

Peter finds something unexpected after he comes back from the dead

Crack in the Glass 660 words

(Derek/Peter/Stiles)

Scott's lack of faith in Stiles leads to him getting kidnapped...but luckily there are still two people that are on his side

~Other TW Ships~

Just a Shirt 207 words

(Stiles/Allison)

Scott notices Allison wearing a familiar piece of clothing

[penkura]

Congrats on 1K! 🎉 (and I hope your move went well!)

For the celebration prompts, could you please do “First Kiss” with my boy Shachi? 💘 He needs more love!!

Thank you!! I really appreciate it and I'm so glad Shachi was the first one requested! He really DOES need more love, he deserves it so much!!

So let's give him some love with a first kiss. 👀

I tried to push it a little more than I normally do but not by too much cause I've never kissed anyone before. 😜

“Hey, Shachi.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Have you ever kissed anyone?”

Shachi chokes on his drink before looking at you with a blush creeping up his face, where on earth did that question come from and why are you being so casual about it??

The Heart Pirates are having a party, celebrating a successful haul of pirate hearts to help your captain in becoming a Warlord, though Law is nowhere to be seen, you think he’s probably already turned in. Parties aren’t really his thing no matter how much he cares for you all. You had stepped to the side a while ago, feeling a little too warm surrounded by so many people and the alcohol you’d had, Shachi eventually came over to keep you company even when you didn’t say much and just gave him a smile before leaning against him once he sat beside you.

Its not really a secret how much Shachi likes you, everyone can see it just in the way he interacts with you. He doesn’t treat you like you’re weak and need him all the time, but he helps you with anything you need and fights alongside you as seamlessly as he does with Penguin or Bepo. He’s eager to work with you every day, volunteering to be your partner anytime Law places you on night watch or ship maintenance,  sometimes you offer to stay with him if he's left to watch the ship when you all dock. You two are able to have fun together without feeling like you’re boring the other, sometimes you two do your own work in silence buts never awkward or uncomfortable, it’s always welcome and makes you feel calm, you’re comfortable about Shachi and he’s the same with you.

But every now and then you bring up something like this and it makes him blush, his heart racing and he’s sure this is only because of the alcohol you’ve had.

“I…w-why are you asking??” he laughs, trying to not focus on it too much but you keep staring at him as you lean into him more. “Of…of course I have!”

For all the times he and Penguin have gone looking for girls and having drinks with them, Shachi has never actually kissed or slept any of them. He’s not entirely sure why, he was also so eager to try and woo someone when they went out, though more often than not the girls would flirt back but nothing ever came about from it. Then you joined the crew and he just…stopped. Stopped following Penguin into the bars, he quit trying to flirt with every girl he thought was attractive, he asked more and more to stay on board with you when Law was looking for volunteers to watch the ship. It was like you flipped a switch in him that made Shachi less likely to go after other girls, it was such a sudden change that Penguin thought he was sick until Ikkaku said Shachi definitely had feelings for you and that’s why he stopped going with his best friend to some places.

“Oh…I wanted to be your first.”

He chokes on his drink before looking at you with such a bright red blush, anyone else would think you’ve said something scandalous or that he’s just drunk and having inappropriate thoughts.

“I…you…what?!” if you hadn’t already asked him about kissing his mind would be running to a thousand other conclusions (first date, first time?!), “You…no you don’t!”

“I’m pretty sure I do…or did I guess.”

Wow he didn’t expect you to sound so disappointed, but you look down and away, leaning back against the wall you’re both sitting at. He feels bad for lying to you, but he didn’t think you’d actually want to kiss him if he had no experience with it, most of the girls he’d flirt with in the past always seemed turned off when they figured out he’s never done anything more than hold hands and flirt, they always expect him to be more experienced when they find out he’s a pirate.

He watches you for a minute, still thinking all of this is because you’re drunk, before Shachi stands and takes your hand, pulling you up and out of the room with him to the hallway. You’re confused, especially when he stops and has you against the wall, trapping you with his arms but not looking you in the eye.

“Shachi, what are—”

“I lied.”

“What?”

“I lied…about having kissed someone…”

You’re quiet, a small ‘oh’ coming from you when you realize what he’s said. The part of you that’s still sober wants to ask him why, but when you see how red his face you don’t bother listening to that side, especially when he looks at you all embarrassed and you feel a blush start to creep onto your face.

Cute…he’s so cute…

“I…lots of girls don’t like when I say that I haven’t kissed anyone so…I just—”

Shachi is surprised when you kiss him, eyes widening for a moment before he kisses you back, taking your face in his hands while you hold onto his tank top. Its short and sweet, makes him want more, especially when you pull back to look at him.

“Now you’re not a liar if someone asks.”

You give him a grin that makes him almost laugh at you, instead kissing you again and moving his hands to your waist to pull you closer to him, you still grip his tank top but press yourself closer to him. Your sober side wonders if it's the alcohol that’s made you both so bold, this isn’t something you’d ever do and with the way Shachi is, you think he’s the same. You’d normally take your time to get to know someone more before running off to make out with them, but you’ve known Shachi long enough now that this kind of makes sense.

Ikkaku will be surprised you think, that you finally made a move on Shachi after the last several months of pining away and whining to her about much you like him and wish he’d do something or that you weren’t too nervous to ask him out yourself.

 The more tipsy side of you wants to sneak off somewhere else and see where this leads. Shachi seems eager to find out the same, keeping an arm around your waist while he starts to move his other hand up your shirt, maybe you should move to your room and--

“Ahem.”

Shachi only pulls away from you when he hears Law clearing his throat, you whine when he does so but your companion’s face is bright red, embarrassed to have been caught making out with you in the hallway only because it’s your captain and Law looks less than enthused at this. You’re too drunk to care but Shachi is stammering, trying to get something out of his mouth, anything to justify to Law why you two were making out in the hallway, though your captain just looks between you both. You’ve still got a grip on his tank top while Shachi has one arm around you and his other hand up your shirt, the flush of your face mixed with his blush would make Penguin laugh if he saw it, but this is Law and he’s just giving you both the most straight laced, stoic look you’ve seen from him.

“Hallways aren’t for making out.”

“Cap, sorry, I, we…well…uh…”

You giggle a little and lay your head on his chest, Law sighs and rolls his eyes before nodding his head to a supply closet.

“At least go into another room,” your next giggle tells Law just how inebriated you are so he adds, “Just no rooms with a bed, we don’t need any babies on this ship.”

“Right! Sure, sorry, Law! We’ll do that!!”

Shachi grabs your hand and starts leading you off elsewhere as you question him, Law steps out of the way and watches as you’re led away, hopefully to the supply closet if you’re going to continue making out or the kitchen to get sober, he’d prefer the latter so you two aren’t tempted to ignore his “no beds” warning.

With another sigh, Law shakes his head and starts heading to the common area and the party, and slight smirk on his face.

Ikkaku owes me five hundred berri now.

[pftones3482]

The Not So Good/Bad

All right - I've had time to collect my thoughts on the new season. I'm going to split them into two posts: The Good and the Not So Good/Bad, just because I know some people don't want to focus on the negatives for shows.

If you want to read "The Good" list, you can read this post!

Otherwise, please note that this post has my negative thoughts from the season. These are my personal opinions, and you don't have to agree with them. If you don't agree with something, either ignore it or be respectful about it. You're the one choosing to click the "Keep Reading" option.

Meap Me in St. Louis

putting this under it's own thing because what the FUCK was that???

No truly, what the fuck?

This is up there with AYA, the second Cliptastic Countdown, and the Marvel Episode for me as far as least favorite episodes go (and y'all know my feelings on those)

This was atrocious compared to the other Meap episodes, which rank as some of my favorite episodes in the whole show

It felt like they treated it like a chore instead of a chance to take creative liberties and make a fun episode. The "ticking the boxes off" was funny for the first one, don't get me wrong. i got a chuckle out of the first check box. But as it kept going on and on it just bothered me

Because it felt like they were just ticking boxes, I wasn't immersed in the episode at all. Every single time they paused to tick a box, I was taken out of the story line (the bare bones one there was) and had to fight to focus again

It felt like a chore, not an episode they wanted to make. Sorry we made you make it, I guess?

Listen. Anyone who follows me knows that I'm not really a Phinabella person. It's just not my preferred ship. But where the FUCK was it?? The Meap episodes always have such a focus on cuteness and Phineas being oblivious about her cuteness, and without it, it felt wrong. When even the non-Phinabella shippers are missing the ship, you know you fucked up.

Adding to the wrong feeling: Buford and Baljeet have never met Meap. At least, not in the two main Meap episodes. I love them both dearly, but they felt out of place here. Meap episodes are for the Flynn-Fletchers and Isabella, sorry

The mustache??? That's such a funny bit, idk why the hell they'd get rid of it

I don't love John Stamos as the VA for Meap. But even if they had to get a new VA, I don't understand why they redubbed the "meap" sound??? Is it something with copyright/using Lorenzo's voice??? (this is a genuine question, someone lmk if they have the answer)

I truly think Candace was the only saving grace of this episode for me.

I'd actually rather watch Mission Marvel tbh

Not Meap Me in St. Louis:

My biggest qualm with Agent T for Teen was how EASY it was for Stacy to just. Admit she knew Perry's identity and then keep her memories. Why did they make such a big deal about non-family members knowing if all they had to do was promise to help out if Perry ever needed it and to keep the secret from his actual host family? I just feel like it cheapened the risk in Happy Birthday, Isabella, and it made all the kids/teens getting their minds erased in the ATSD movie kind of pointless. I understand it from like a..."they can't prove this is how they would react" standpoint? But clearly Perry was also freaked out by it so it just doesn't make sense to me (now using it as an OWCA control tactic....oh yeah, I'll be playing with that and writing a fixer for my One Shot-inator later)

I think a lot of the music unfortunately fell into the realm of Hamster and Gretel music for me - forgettable and wedged in. Don't get me wrong, the License to Bust song slapped, Candace and Doof's duet was impeccable, and I enjoyed the Wellerman spoof. But I have legitimately already forgotten almost every other song, and I JUST rewatched some of the episodes less than half an hour ago as of writing this. Do I think they're genuinely bad songs? No. But I saw someone say earlier that it felt like they picked the wrong song topics for some of the episodes and I couldn't agree more (I will, however, be using "because nobody ordered that" in the Carl theme song as a vocal stim for a while)

oh please hold I have another episode specific one

Lord of the Firesides:

I was so excited for this episode

I fucking love the Fireside Girl spinoff episodes

WHERE WAS PINKY?????

When I went to bed last night after watching the season, something kept bugging me about this episode, and I pinpointed it at like, 12:30 in the morning - in the other Fireside Girl focused episodes, the B Plot focuses on Pinky and Poofenplotz, not Perry and Doofenshmirtz

I actually think not including Pinky ruined the entire episode for me - it didn't feel like a truly Fireside Girl focused episode, and we got no Pinky at all this season in general

Also this is just me nitpicking because I majored in English but I hate that they named it after Lord of the Flies because it really dumbs down the actual plot of the book and is kind of misleading - I initially thought the episode would be about the girls getting stranded or in some kind of wreck, not...trying to vote on cupcake flavors.

The heavy metal song was fun tho

Back to the rest of my thoughts:

Therapist episode fun overall but it really bugged me that Candace was like. Listening to this guy ramble and theorize (because it's implied that's what he's doing on stage). And not once did she say "Wait...platypus?" Also Linda pmo that episode, your daughter is actively trying to spend time with you at something involving her and you're just??? Fucking around???

Chip to the Vet was chill, but I agree with some other takes I've seen - I expected more. This is one of those episodes where I actually think they would have benefited from no song, or a small jingle instead, and focused more on Perry trying not to get chipped. Imagine PnF AND Doof trying to hunt him down at the same time??? Could have been classic. Instead it was just fine.

I wish in the sleepover episode Candace could have just. Given in and let both groups hang out. I actually think it would have been a nice way to show that she's still TRYING to get past the busting brothers obsession, and the fact that they didn't take that route really just proved that they killed all the character development they gave her in prior specials and movies.

Unpopular opinion but I don't like the re-dubbed intro. I miss the original Phineas vocals in it, it throws me off

I think those are all of my really big thoughts. Overall I REALLY enjoyed this season, please don't let this list make you think I didn't. These were just the qualms I had (and most of them are inconsequential, but damn does the Meap one really fucking suck)

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

https://www.tumblr.com/teaandcrowns/784888323271540736/i-think-there-is-a-lot-of-merit-to-the-point-of?source=share

I'm interested to know what do you think about this?

The irony of Zutarians pretending people act like ZUKO is an "imperfect" victim while Aang is the "pure" one when half the shitty, shallow readings of the story, including zutara nonsense, consist of downplaying, or full on erazing, all the bad things Zuko did and all the ugly signs of trauma and bad coping mechanisms he showed during the show, while acting like Aang is the devil for going "I'm literally 12 and didn't sign up to be your unpaid executioner, please stop ignoring my objections to murdering a man just because I'm being FORCED to be the chosen one."

Now, let me be clear, I fully believe that Bryke's opinion that Zuko and Katara would be a "dark" ship and that people who like it are doomed to only have bad, toxic relationships is bullshit... but let's not act like Zuko wasn't one of their favorite characters, that they put the most care into writing, from day one.

And let's not erase the fact that Zutarians act like Zuko was being oh so supportive and "accepting the real Katara" in The Southern Raiders, when in the actual episode he literally only wants to help her get revenge because she hates his guts and he feels entitled to her forgiveness and friendship, and doesn't take a second to think about the psychological consequences this will have on her. It's only near the end of the episode that he's actually empathizing with Katara, and thus understanding why she chose not to kill Yon Rah after all.

AND let's not pretend that this episode, that was approved by Bryke, didn't do something incredibly gross by going "Oh, Katara is not mad at Zuko for, ya know, supporting genocide and joining Azula, thus helping the Fire Nation essentially win the war, dooming the whole world and leading to Katara's best friend dying right before her eyes, she's UNFAIRLY angry at him due to PROJECTION of a different trauma just because he's from the Fire Nation."

Once again, I don't agree that Zutara would be inherently toxic, just incompatible. But considering this bullshit they approved of? If Bryke had made it canon they ABSOLUTELY would have made it a deeply toxic relationship that would NEVER be acknowledged as such due to their obvious bias of "Everything is okay when Zuko does it."

And that's the criticism people throw at zutarians. They write this ship as a super unhealthy, toxic dynamic, and not only try to pass it off as secretly healthy and empowering instead of just embracing the chaos, but also try to use "They both lost their moms! (nevermind that Zuko's mother is alive" or "Zuko was going with her on this murder mission that would have absolutely messed them both up for life, just so he could get what he wanted" as proof of true love instead of codependency and, yes, trauma bonding.

Zutarians need to get over their bullshit "This is the empowering, feminist, mature ship" complex and just admit "This is unhealthy, but it's fun to write/read and I like exploring that dynamic." No need for demonizing Aang, or pretending the fandom and writers don't put Zuko up on a pedestal, and especially no need of going "If you talk shit about Zutara tropes, you're the kind of person that hates survivors and is biased against sex workers"

(Seriously, where the fuck did that comparison even come from?)

[chaifootsteps]

One thing i've just now noticed about the Hazbin Hotel pride merch, (Although this extends to Helluva Bosses pride merch as well, unless Mammons ace on him represents being aroromantic, although I'm not apart of the community and cant find anything on it,) is that for whatever reason, despite Alastor being known as aroromantic for years, even since the pilot.. that flag isnt present in any of his merch? It sucks because, for one thing, it makes me fear that radioapple will become canon even more, and that Viv will have to defend herself on Twitter, (really at this point though, Bluesky, the one place she thought she could avoid criticism for some reason,) and claim that more queer asexual relationships between gay men are important. Then two, that she'd kill two birds with one stone for charlastor shippers, who DARED to make their ship day on her BIRTHDAY! ... Even though they had no idea that the pilot came out on her birthday as well, and nobody intended to upset her. It's almost like they're fans of her, or something. But also, three, thinking about that happening just makes me think, "Oh, so you CAN change parts of Alastors story to better fit your narrative?" Because its like you said, the voodoo thing is something she's sticking to, even if it sinks her story and attempt at "representation" down with her. She obviously made Alastor black to have a pass to keep that element, without understanding the problem people had with it, is that voodoo is a demonized religion already that, in reality, is actually very peaceful. She should've just ditched the voodoo element entirely, and done a generic summoning if she really wanted to keep that dumbass, "Lilith is Rosie but Lilith in hell is ACTUALLY Eve who wants revenge! And also maybe Eve is ALSO The Root of all Evil, who's a Deviantart OC named Roo who's also Australian?" That's not even mentioning how she'll change characters races for the brownie points, only to have horrible implications outside and within the story. Like the obvious, "You're in my zoo!" But Rosie being a cannibal from the 18th century, with Alastor, a black man, makes me particularly uncomfortable, knowing that white people cannibalizing black people used to be common back then. They even wrote cook-books about it. Good thing she's actually Lilith though, amiright? It's like Viv saw the Pink Diamond reveal and how hype it was and wanted to put it in her story driven show without understanding what made it work. And then there's Nifty, who's Japanese, from the 1950's, who's going to have an anime moment in S2.. Do I even have to say it? This kind of got off topic, but I just feel like Alastor has been ruined, even though he's not even a character I ever liked that much. At the very least, Pilot Alastor was an interesting white man who had a moral code that, while we didn't see because of the prequel comics premature end, could've been a way to prop him up as one of the "good" overlords of hell compared to the others, and offered us insight about his life on earth, along with lines mentioning his mother's jambalaya. Series Alastor is voiced by a guy who says his stripper name is Jambalaya, who's yellow teeth are grills, that you're the racist one for thinking that, who simply kills for "fun" or for petty reasons, like having wine spilled on him, is a try hard edge lord, who is also a black man tied into a soul deal with a white woman with chains, who sings about him being her pet, and being in her zoo. Also, he'll probably be in a gay relationship with Lucifer because the creator has a grudge against her own fans ship, so he can be Charlies "father" and make the ship incest, the one thing you aren't allowed to ship in Viv's fandom full of toxic ships that often include non con, despite one character from it's spinoff show canonically thinking his own sister is hot. I hate it here, Chai.

We all hate it here, but at least we're all slogging through it together.

[demonpiratehuntress]

love me again

OPLA!Sanji x F!Reader

taglist - @kabloswrld

summary - you were a waitress at the Baratie years before you joined Luffy's rag-tag crew. you shared one kiss with Sanji and when you return with them to the Baratie, you find the cook hasn't forgotten. and he wants more

warnings - was going for fluff but this turned out angstier and longer (i got carried away) than i thought. don't worry, it's still fluffy at the end though

a/n - please request more OPLA!Sanji, i am going insane. my favourite is Zoro (as i'm sure you guys have noticed) but i had a dream about this guy. help

"Are you really leaving?"

"I wish you'd come with."

"You know why I can't."

"I know..."

A brief silence settled over you both before gentle footsteps met your ears. When you looked up, he was right in front of you. Your breath hitched, the proximity causing butterflies to bloom in your stomach.

"This is what I've always wanted..."

"I know," he answered softly, "Look at me. It's okay."

You didn't want to look. If you looked at him, you'd be tempted to stay, just like you'd been for so long. Every time you tried to leave, one look from him made you stay. You'd been delaying following your dreams because of how much you'd miss the only man you'd ever loved.

"(Name)."

You slowly looked up, hesitantly. He was offering you a sad smile, obviously trying to be brave for your sake.

"Maybe our paths will cross again one day."

"I hope so," you replied quietly. "Don't forget about me now."

He chuckled, "Forget about you? Never." You raised an eyebrow, and he took your hands in his. "I promise. Let me prove it to you." And then he leaned in, connecting your lips.

How ironic, your first kiss was your last.

-

"Is it over?"

Usopp glanced over your shoulder at the far end of the ship, stepping out from behind you and sighing in relief when he saw you were not being chased by the Marines anymore.

You chuckled, leaning against the railing, "That was fun, actually."

"Fun?! You and I have very different ideas of fun..."

Nami snorted, agreeing with you, "And you have no idea of fun."

As the sharpshooter protested, you looked up at your captain, who was sitting on his favourite seat - Merry's figurehead. He was sniffing the air, looking both confused and curious.

"Something wrong, captain?"

"I smell food," was his reply.

You grinned at that, not taking him seriously. Luffy could smell food - more specifically, meat - from oceans away. Most likely, there was another pirate ship passing by where someone was cooking.

That's what the crew needed. A cook. You had worked at a restaurant before, but only as a waitress. You knew a little bit about cooking, but just the basics. Nothing fancy or exquisite. So it would be nice for the crew to have someone who could cook elaborate and tasty meals.

"What is that?" You heard Usopp ask, peering into the distance.

You turned to see what he was talking about, and immediately froze. Every vein and artery in your body turned to ice, blood running cold.

"What's a Baratie?"

Oh god. Before you could stop it, dizziness washed over you and you had to grip the railing for support. Well, you tried. You would have fallen overboard if it wasn't for Zoro, who caught you before you could.

"(Name)? What's wrong?" Nami asked worriedly as the swordsman led you to sit down.

There was no way. Absolutely no way. How could you have found your way back after all these years? You might have thought you were dreaming, but your journey thus far had yielded far worse surprises so you knew you weren't.

"I, um..." You didn't know where to begin. "I..."

None of the crew had ever seen you like this before. Even Zoro's eyebrows furrowed, confusion at your sudden timidness. You weren't known for being shy, quiet or easily flustered. You were loud, tough and one of their fiercest fighters. So what could possibly be reducing you to this?

It was even worse when the Going Merry docked at the pier. The familiar aroma and atmosphere of the Baratie hit you full force, and it was making your head spin - not in a good way.

"Usopp, help her!"

You felt a hand grab your arm, and another gently placed on your back, guiding you off the ship. You were so unsteady it was scaring your crew.

But maybe you shouldn't be worried. Maybe he wouldn't remember you. Maybe he really had forgotten, despite his promise not to. You had changed a lot, after all. You never forgot, but you knew him. His gravitation towards pretty girls might have left you in the dust in his mind.

Despite part of you hoping that would be the case, your stomach churned unpleasantly at the thought.

Sitting down at the table you and the others were escorted to helped put you at ease a little. As the others looked around in awe, Nami put a hand on your arm and met your eyes with concern shining in hers.

"Do you want to leave, (Name)?"

"No, no, I..." You took a deep breath. "I used to work here."

"What?" Nami's eyes widened.

"Cool!" Luffy exclaimed. "So you know people here?"

"I...do."

Nami was about to ask for a better explanation, that is until two guys at a table nearby started arguing and got up to physically fight. Another man approached them, and your heart almost stopped.

Sanji.

You ducked under the table quickly hoping he hadn't seen you. Staring at Zoro's swords was more appealing than facing your past right now.

"(Name)! What-"

You cut Nami off when you saw his legs moving towards your table, "Act like I'm not here! Hide me, please! I'll explain later, I promise. Just don't let him see me!"

"Don't worry, I don't bite," came the cook's familiar voice, sounding amused. "Your shy friend there can rest easy."

With a sigh, you slowly sat up and finally looked at the blond. Your eyes met, and his entire body went rigid. His smile faltered, and you quickly dropped your gaze to the table.

Zoro was first to break the silence, ordering for himself and soon Usopp and Luffy chimed in. You still hung your head, remaining silent as Sanji took their orders. He was so stunned by your return that his attempt at flirting with Nami failed miserably, earning snickers from the swordsman and sharpshooter.

"I need the bathroom," you muttered, escaping the table that suddenly seemed claustrophobic and rushing off.

Outside the Baratie, you tried to steady your breathing. You had not been ready for this at all. Your hands were shaking, your body trembling but not from the cold.

You cursed, running a hand through your hair. Trying to calm yourself down was not working at all. You didn't trust yourself to go back inside, to face both him and your crew again. Maybe you could get away with staying out here all night. You weren't that hungry anyway.

"Is it everything it's cracked up to be?"

Your body stiffened, and you refused to tear your eyes away from the Going Merry. This could not be happening.

"Is-is what everything it's cracked up to be?"

You tried to sound calm, collected, and like you were not internally freaking out. You failed significantly, your voice coming out a little higher in pitch than it normally did. The cook stepped up to stand next to you, and he smelled so familiar your body seemed to relax on its own. But your mind and heart were racing at a million miles per hour, the latter ready to burst out and make a run for it.

"Come on, one look and you decide to run away?" He teased. "Am I uglier than I used to be?"

"No, god no," you breathed out instantly, "I just..."

"I get it. It's been a while."

You nodded, slowly feeling calm settle in again, "Yeah. It has." You swallowed thickly and turned to look at him, trying to ignore how he made you feel butterflies all over again. "You're even more attractive, just by the way."

"Good to know," he replied smugly, "So are you."

God the butterflies were unbearable. You were starting to feel nauseous from your mixed emotions, and you weren't sure whether to run away again or pass out.

"I don't blame you, you know. For leaving." He sighed. "You were the braver one between us, setting off to follow your dream. I'm really glad you did, because you look great. Happy, even."

"Really?" You choked out a laugh. "What part of me right now screams happy?"

"Okay, maybe I'm just assuming that," he laughed too, "I saw what a good crew you have, so I thought that they were making you happy. Happier than you were here, anyway." He looked out at the water, glittering under the light of the moon.

"They do make me happy," you admitted, "But Sanji...I was happy here too. You always made sure of that. I just...I always wished I could have both. You and the sea. I never stopped thinking about you."

"Oh?" He turned to smile at you, "No roguish pirates stole your heart?"

"No, it was only ever a flirty cook."

The two of you shared a laugh, reminding you of when you were both younger and he would always try to make you laugh. It's why you'd fallen in love with him.

"i could say the same," he finally admitted, making your heart skip a beat. "This restaurant's seen many pretty women, but none of them have ever held a candle to you." A light blush, so light that you couldn't see it and he was glad, settled on his cheeks. "I saw you in every single one of them."

You gripped the railing hard, his words taking you off guard. They were the sweetest and most romantic words you'd ever heard, and you had to your best not to squeal and kick your feet like a teenage girl.

But you couldn't let yourself fall into this routine again. You were still a pirate, this was a temporary stop and you'd still leave again. And he'd stay, like he always did, like he did the first time you left.

The first tear that fell barely made a splash in the water.

'I'm gonna go," you gestured to the inside of the restaurant. "Before they wonder where I've gone."

And as he watched you walk away from him again, Sanji mentally kicked himself for not asking you to stay again. No, for not going with you. there was no way you'd stay after getting a taste of your dream.

It was just not meant to be.

-

The rest of the night you hid from him. Every time he would try and talk to you again, you made an excuse or every time you spotted him nearby you slunk into the crowd at the bar and disappeared from his view.

He found it cute how he could still fluster you so easily. Chuckling every time you not-so-discreetly hid behind a random person, he would give up and move away only to try again minutes later.

"You're hiding from me," he finally caught you at the bar, getting more drinks. There were only so many times you could avoid him.

"N-no," you stammered, blushing. "What gives you that idea?"

He raised an eyebrow, asking for a drink for himself, "Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to stay. I already know that answer."

You bit your lip, taking a deep breath, "Kiss me again."

"What?" Surprisingly, he was taken aback by how forward you were about it. "(Name)-"

"Please," you begged, "Just once more. I have a feeling this time I really won't be coming back here. We're heading for the Grand Line, so...if this is the last time I'm going to see you, I want us to say goodbye with a kiss."

He was so conflicted. On one hand, he would never turn down an opportunity to kiss you. On the other...he would be setting himself - and you - up for heartbreak all over again. But if you were really going where you said you were...

His hands found your waist and tugged you to his body, his lips crashing against yours with the force of a heavy tide. He kissed you deeply, fervently, like it was your last day on earth. He kissed you like the world was ending, like he'd never get to kiss anyone ever again. Not that he'd want to, after this. Because you returned his passion, hand gripping his hair and one gripping his shirt. You kissed him so fiercely, it was truly a kiss to remember.

"Be careful," was all he could breathe out when you pulled apart for air.

"I will."

-

Then the fight with Arlong happened.

You felt a thousand different emotions course through you. Anger, for Mihawk and Arlong hurting Zoro and Luffy, and for Nami's betrayal. Hurt, for Nami not being the friend you thought she was. Sadness, for watching Zoro lay almost lifeless on the kitchen table as Zeff tended to his deep gash. Confusion, for how fast the night had gone wrong.

What had happened?

"He'll be okay."

You looked up at Sanji as he approached you, not noticing you were shaking until he reached out to touch your arm, trying to comfort you without getting too close.

You took a shaky breath, "Of course he will. He's the strongest person I know." You looked down again. "But he's never been hurt that badly before...And Nami's gone..." You buried your face in your hands. "Everything is so wrong right now."

Sanji was again conflicted, but he hated seeing you so torn up so he put aside his own feelings to pull you into his arms, comforting you silently with a hug. It was more soothing than anything you'd ever known, especially since it was coming from him. You had no idea how you'd cope with leaving him again, after all of this.

"Thanks," you smiled softly as you pulled away. "It was really nice to see you again." Your cheeks heat up at the memory of your shared kiss. "I'm gonna miss you even more now."

He just smiled tightly, putting his hands in his pockets, "Yeah, me too. I, uh, I should go help the old man clean up."

You nodded, watching him walk away. It hurt now, but it hurt even more knowing he would eventually move on since you wouldn't be back, and the thought of him with someone else crushed you. Little did you know, he was having the same dilemma, the idea of you with another man making him sick to his stomach.

But you'd both have to learn to live with it.

-

The next morning, Zoro was still in a coma but the four of you - him, you, Usopp and Luffy - were preparing to leave the Baratie. You offered to sit with Zoro as they prepped the Going Merry for departure, not sure you could see Sanji standing and watching you go.

"I really need you to wake up and knock some sense into me," you spoke to the comatose swordsman, wiping your teary eyes. "You're the only one who won't treat me like a fragile flower, even though I feel like it."

Before you could say more, however, Luffy joined you. He said his own piece to the swordsman, and the two of you sat there for a while before you decided to let him have a private moment with the green-haired man.

You walked to the kitchen, taking a seat and a deep breath.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Usopp sat across from you. "I know how you feel."

"Oh, right," you remembered, "Yeah, it really sucks. I had to leave once before, but this time hurts even more."

Before Usopp could reply, Luffy was yelling for the two of you.

"(Name)! Usopp! Zoro's awake!"

The two of you exchanged looks before scrambling up and to the room, bright and relieved smiles crossing your faces when you saw the swordsman's open eyes.

"I can still knock some sense into you," he spoke, his voice thick and raspy. So was the chuckle that followed.

You laughed and rushed over to hug him, careful of his huge wound. His 'knock' turned out to be a light bonk on your head, making you laugh even more.

A little while later, he was up and about, but you made him sit down. You finally got the courage to come out as the ship was just about to be sent off, and in time to see a familiar cook walk on board with a bag hanging from his shoulder.

"Why are we bringing the waiter?" Zoro questioned, only for you to lightly smack his arm.

"I figured I could follow two dreams at once," Sanji started, moving closer with a warm smile, "Finding the All Blue and...you." He stopped just in front of you. "The old man gave me the push I needed."

You teared up again, this time out of joy, and smiled so brightly your face would hurt afterwards, "Welcome aboard."

Then you wrapped your arms around him and kissed him again, this time slower and sweeter since you would have many other opportunities to kiss him again now. Zoro groaned, but the two of you ignored him.

"Okay (Name), you can no longer relate to me," Usopp huffed.

That made you laugh, and you had to pull away from the kiss to do so. Even Sanji grinned, his hands finding your back and rubbing soothing circles onto it.

After a very emotional goodbye to Zeff, Sanji watched the Baratie fade into the distance before joining you at the front, wrapping his arms around you from behind and earning a smile from you. He matched it as he kissed your cheek.

"Now this feels right."

"Agreed."

"I can't wait to see what this adventure has in store for us."