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whor3ing · 11 days ago

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𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 | 𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐

Matt Sturniolo x f!reader

WARNINGS : smut, consent, hate-fucking!, dom! pet names, oral male receiving, face-fucking, vibrator/oral fem receiving, penetration, fem bondage with clothes!, choking, slight overstim/edging

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IN WHICH.. You broke up with your ex-boyfriend Matt Sturniolo a few months ago after some new changes in your relationship. However, when you show up at his door in the middle of the night needing him, he reminds you that you don't always get what you want so easily.

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this is my first smut post on tumblr! word count : 7k ♡

"Oh, would you look at that."

Matt scanned you from head to toe, his eyebrows furrowing as he opened the door. He had missed you so endlessly these last four months, his hands always brushing over the framed pictures he had standing in almost every room, his eyes always trailing over to the few things you had left behind. A thousand of different memories he couldn't seem to forget, no matter how hard he had tried.

You move your head to the side at his reaction, in confusion. You had hoped he would be excited to see you. You had taken the time to do your hair so delicately, you had picked a gorgeous dress you always knew he had liked, it was no secret you had done your best to look beautiful for him and looking at you, he knew that. Your hands find comfort in toying with one another as you look at him hiding slightly behind the open door.

Matt had always been gorgeous and although he was tired with darkened circles beneath his eyes, his lack of sleep had nothing on his piercing eyes and his full lips. Every feature on his face looked as if it were perfectly crafted, even in his half-awake state. His hair was messy but it laid perfectly tousled and his nose was adorable and sweet.

Propped up against the door, he looked at your confused expression, his eyes glinting.

"Hmm?" He muttered, the sound rolling off his lips as he analyzed your confused expression. "I'm just surprised to see you here."

He paused looking away from you for a second before continuing, crossing his arms in a defensive state,."It's been, what, four months..? Since you came and packed all your shit?"

Your eyes move to his the moment he finishes speaking, before slowly gliding to his arms and down to his torso. Your eyes cling to the way his white tanktop fits around his waist, the slightest bit of skin showing right below his belly button, above his plaid pajama pants. Sighing, you turn away in an attempt to return back to your car, your head spinning as to why you ever thought this would be a good idea.

Matt purses his lips, a small 'tsk' escaping from his lips as he rolls his eyes ready to shut the door, "Are you really that embarrassed to be on my doorstep in the middle of the night? You came all the way here just to walk away again?"

Turning around, you see his head turn slightly to the side as he eyes you again before continuing, "Is someone a little self-conscious standing there in such a pretty dress? Or just worried someone might see you standing here on my doorstep, and realize just how desperate you are to fix the mistake you made?"

He sighs slowly and opens the door further, stepping forward to face you. A quarter of his body is still behind the front door, but his face is closer to you now, the automatic porch light shining to illuminate upon his chiseled figure. Finally less than three inches away from him, face to face after so long.

He rolls his eyes, reaching out to toy with a strand of your hair between his two fingers. "Well, let's hear it. What do you want?" He murmurs, his voice like velvet but his reaction guarded.

You bite your lip, shaking your head slightly before answering in almost a whisper. "I missed you." It comes out small, quiet, as if you're almost too ashamed to say it, as if it's not painfully obvious.

His head jerks forward closer to your mouth as he stands in front of you, his eyes squinting as if he's confused. "What was that, couldn't quite hear you, sweetheart. I need you to speak clearly to me."

You take a big breath in, looking at him as his hand that had earlier been in your hair trails to touch your cheek. He taps it twice as if urging you to try again, leaving his hand there against your skin as you respond.

"I made a mistake and I miss you, Matt." You say louder than before, your voice still rather quiet.

He laughs, removing his hand from your cheek unimpressed. "You need me- You miss me?" He pauses, his hands running through his hair as he laughs at you. He shakes his head once again, his hands coming down to his sides, his smile faded and his voice harsher than the cold wind, "You don't have any right to miss me."

You open your mouth but he stops you, his voice hoarse, "You dumped me, remember? You decided this, and now you're here, in the middle of the night, because you finally had an epiphany and realized that we could've made this all work?" Matt brushes his hand across his cheek; very clearly annoyed and hurt, his body moving back towards the inside of the warm house, the door still cracked open between the two of you.

His eyes follow you out to your place on his porch, your legs exposed and your arms with raised goosebumps. He sighs, perching the door open more; a kind gesture, urging you to follow him inside.

As you walk into Matt's house you're greeted with the familiar scent of lavender, no doubt from his dryer sheets. You remember this from the times you did laundry together, from the times you held his hand in the store and had smiled at just how good the detergent aisle had smelled, how those familiar scents would fill the bedrooms and cling to all of his clothes you had used to wear.

At first you had argued with him about dryer sheets, you had insisted on getting a more fresh and clean scent, something that felt like the lingering of fall or the sweet reprise of summer; Now, you couldn't even imagine having something so small to argue with him about, everything now was so much bigger than that.

You watch as Matt shuts the door behind the both of you, the air thick with tension and emotion. When the door hits against the frame, you hear a lock click and a loud thud. Matt reaches his hands up to stretch, turning before walking towards the kitchen.

Standing in the entry of the familiar house, you cracking your knuckles to fill the uncomfortable silence before finally deciding to follow him into the kitchen.

The kitchen is dark, the only lighting coming from the hallway lights and the only noise being the slow whistle of a tea kettle and the unsteadiness of your own breathing. There's no doubt about it that your face is flush and warm, your hands are dewy with sweat and that your breath is harsh and rough. Matt's back is to you, his hands on the kettle, pouring tea into two small white teacups and measuring out a teaspoon of honey for only one.

Sometimes you forget how well Matt truly knows you, you forget that his hands have seen every contour of your body and that his mind and the pages of his journal have spent years learning every like and dislike you could possibly have.

You watch as he brings your cup of tea over to you, setting it on the counter, he leans on the other side of the counter, his lips puckering and his eyes closing to blow on his own cup of hot tea.

His eyes open again and glance from you to the chair on the other side of the counter. You nervously glance back before moving your feet to sit on the chair, only a counter across from him.

A few moments pass, neither of you say much. Matt's eyes stay closed for the most part, only opening slightly to make silent glances towards you, as if he has a million things to say but has run out of words.

After a long while, Matt breaks the silence.

"Why did you do it?" He asks directly, his voice incredibly hurt and hoarse.

Pausing, you look up to meet his closed eyes. You look at him even if he can't look at you, your eyes sear into his features as you respond.

"Everything was going so fast. You were away from home, you had been offered an incredible brand deal in New York with your brothers." You clear your throat slowly, reaching up to wipe under your eyes. "I didn't want to hold you back from that. I would never move away from California, I have too much here. I didn't want you to have to make the choice between me or your career."

It seemed as if in that moment, everything stopped. His eyes softened and the tea hummed against the back of your throat as he looked at you, his lips pursed,

"So you think you made it easier for me?" Matt pauses, standing up and beginning to pace, his voice full of anger. "You think choosing to end a almost two year relationship with me would make me feel more— what?" He laughs, "career oriented?"

You open your mouth to respond, but Matt beats you to it, his voice echoing throughout the kitchen. "No. Because let me tell you what I did after you left." He stops pacing to face you, his face flush. "I sat in this house— I stared at the things you forgot and I was scared shitless that you would come back only to take them and go again." He shakes his head, his voice holding only anger. "I slept on the couch because I couldn't bear to sleep in that bed without you."

Tears slide down your cheeks at his words, realizing how badly you had hurt the man you love. You look down, angry at yourself and so incredibly sorry for the man in front of you.

He opens his mouth again, walking over to the other side of the counter and slamming is hand down harsh on the table in a fist. Looking straight at you, he continues, "I love you and I will always love you, you will always be the woman that I want— But you can't just decide these things for me."

Your head falls down, your eyes faltering down to his bunched up fists placed out in front of you in the counter. Instinctively, without thinking, you reach out to place your palm on top of his.

Angry, he snatches his hand away bringing it back to his side. The action is quick but it leaves you with a hallowed pit in your stomach, your eyes fill with tears and you stand up, your emotions bubbling to the surface.

Maybe there was no way to fix this, maybe there was nothing more you could do.

You walk over to Matt's side of the counter, reaching up to touch the side of his cheek with the same hand he had just rejected to hold. Your fingers linger over his jawline, sliding across his cheekbones caressing the side of his face as you look up at him.

"You're angry." You murmur, matter-of-factly, your hands glide from his hair to his cheek, reveling in the softness of his skin as you say it.

You let out a small smile, your eyes soft as Matt's hand reaches up to hold you at your neck, his thumb tilting your head ever so slightly backwards as he holds you.

Looking up at him you finally whisper,"use it"

Confused, Matt stares at you, his brows furrowed and his eyes full of wonder. "What do you mean use it?" He whispers, his voice more soothing than the honey in the tea he had made for you earlier.

"Maybe the only way for you to forgive me is if you show me exactly how I made you feel." You murmur, your hands grazing against his chest lightly, prying at his tank top.

He grabs your hands from their grasp on his shirt, his eyes hazy as he stares at you. His lips purse and his hands settle against your neck as he responds with a very simple, "are you sure?"

The moment you say yes you are swept off your feet, your hands find themselves grasping onto his shoulders and his fall under your knees, carrying you bridal style to his bedroom, the same bedroom that used to be partially yours too.

The moment you enter Matt's room, he sets you on your feet, his eyes roll at you before he steps in front of you, his eyes suddenly darker. His hand reaches up to touch your cheek once again before he sucks in a deep breath. "Here's exactly what were going to do tonight. I'm going to show you exactly how it feels to have your emotions played with and you, my love are going to take it to apologize for everything you've done."

He smiles at you as he continues, "You'll be a good girl and not complain when I edge you senseless, because if you do, I won't give you what you so desperately want tonight. Understood?"

You tell him you understand as he urges you to sink down to your knees, his eyes fixated on your beautiful face and his hands finding the top of your head to mess with your hair.

"Good, then get to fucking work slut." He urges, pushing down on your head gently, he smiles at you as your hands find his zipper, pulling it down to expose the hard bulge pressing against his black boxers.

Pulling his boxers down, his pants hit the floor and he steps out of them; lifting his tank top up with his left hand to reveal a peek of his abs. You begin slowly licking and kissing against his tip, your tongue curving against every grove. However, looking up at Matt you notice his unimpressed expression and you hear his voice as he murmurs to you that he knows you can take it better than that. With little warning he pulls on your head, urging half of his dick down your throat. His eyes find yours to ensure that you're okay and his hands rub gently against your scalp as his voice becomes scratchy from pleasure.

"Don't be so fucking sloppy about it, I know you can take me deeper, come on now." He murmurs, his voice raspy and uneven as you take him deeper in your mouth.

He pushes your head on and off of his dick, giving you no control over how far you take it, leaving him completely in control of you. His cock plunging from the back of your throat to the opening of your lips again and again.

You gasp for breath as he finally lets you have a very short break, pausing, he takes your hair and pushes it out of your face so that he can see you better. You take this moment to trace against the base of his dick with your hand, your mouth aching for it back.

He rolls his eyes and pushes your mouth back onto his dick, finally letting you have some control over the pace. He hisses, his hips moving into your mouth slowly as he curses.

"You choke so prettily, slut. It's like you were made for my dick, made to suck on it and make me feel so good, weren't you baby?" Your eyes look straight to his abs as you take him deeper and Matt sighs plunging his cock out of your mouth just enough so that he can tap it against your chin.

"Baby look at me when you take it for me, you look so gorgeous with me in your mouth, I want to watch."

He smiles as your head tilts upright and your eyes meet his, his hand finds your hair again as he holds it out of the way for you; making eye contact with you as you choke on it.

You smile against his dick as you hear his groans echo, instinctively you reach down to rub the aching between your legs.

"I can hear how wet and desperate you are, you know." Matt states sternly, looking down at you on your knees. "But this isn't about your fucking pleasure, now is it?"

You shake your head no, but refuse to stop making yourself feel good. He notices this, bending down slightly and placing his hand under your chin to lift your mouth off of his dick and to make your eyes to look up at him. He rolls his eyes as his fingers trace up to open up your mouth, as he spits directly onto your tongue.

"I thought you were going to be a good fucking girl?" He asks sternly his eyes darker, "A good slutty girl doesn't fuck her pussy without permission, does she?"

Matt's fingers slip up to smack your cheek as he moves his dick closer to your mouth, urging you to suck on the tip.

"Maybe I should just send you home, not give that aching cunt any attention at all?"

He shakes his head before moving his lips closer to your ear, "I mean, why do you think you would even deserve pleasure from my fingers, my mouth, let alone my dick after what you did?"

You watch as Matt's hand drags to reach beneath your jaw, his hand pulling your face to look up at him.

"Would you rather me just leave you here on the floor? Or are you going to apologize?" He prods, his hands trailing up to cup around your neck gently.

His head cocks to the side as your mouth smirks upward, not an ounce of apology escaping. He rolls his eyes, his hand closing around your throat as his lips purse in annoyance.

"Nothing?" His hand on your neck drops to his side, as if he is defeated.

You watch carefully as Matt's eyes close briefly, anger behind them. He drops his hand and instead points toward the large king sized bed, before continuing. "On the bed, now."

He watches you as you climb onto his silk sheets, a smirk toying at his lips as he moves to sit beside you.

"Lay down, sweetheart."

Matt moves to stand up, walking over to your pile of things that he's kept almost exactly as you had left them. His eyes scan over your belongings, his hands gliding throughout the pile of scattered items.

He hides the item he chose behind his back as he moves to sit back next to you on the bed, leaving you confused and slightly nervous. You watch as he laughs, his left hand silkily moving across your legs as he reveals the wand behind his back.

"I missed using this on your pretty body." He whispers to you, his fingers tracing circles on your skin, slowly moving upwards.

You instinctively move your hands to his biceps, your fingers tracing against his tattoos before tugging against his white tank, leaving his abs exposed but not all of his chest. He returns this favor, urging your dress to slide up only slightly so he has more access to your legs.

His hands follow yours before his eyes move from your legs to your face, his face merely inches from yours. He chuckles, his lips moving against yours playfully before he pulls back. His hand resting on your bent knee, pulling it towards him to open your legs.

Playfully, Matt rubs his fingers against your inner thighs, his hands grasping and sliding over your lower stomach.

"Should we take these off?" He whispers to you, his fingers toying with the band of your underwear before snapping it back against your skin.

Seeing your pleading eyes, he rolls his eyes at you, leaning down to leave a soft kiss on your lips.

"I'm not sure you want it badly enough.."

He chuckles, his hands sliding over your wetness, slowly caressing.

Matt reaches beside him for the wand, pulling your dress up to expose your stomach. You watch him smile as he trails the wand down your lower stomach, slowly traveling down to your inner thighs.

He hums quietly, turning the wand on and resting it directly above where you need it most, moving it only slightly against your clit.

"Oh, is that not the right spot?" Matt asks pouting mockingly, moving the wand to touch against your opening before moving it back up.

You shake your head and he purses his lips, moving the wand in circles, teasing it against you.

"How about you tell me where you want it then, pretty girl."

He chuckles, moving the wand to that sweet spot of yours, his other hand reaching forward to keep your legs open for him.

"Yeah? Right there huh?" Matt murmurs, his eyes on you, watching you as you squirm for him.

Smiling he leans down to kiss you, your moans still loud and prominent even as he silences you with his lips. Matt pulls back, his lips gliding over his teeth as he gently bites his lip.

His hand moves to rest upon your thigh, his other hand urging the vibrator into your swollen cunt, and rolling his eyes at your echoing sounds.

"You feel so good, don't you baby?" Matt prods, moving his hand against your thigh to rest against your mouth, slowly implying them to open for him. He smiles sliding his index finger in between your lips and into your mouth, the veins in his hands flexing as he glides his finger around your tongue, pulling you towards the brink of your release with every gentle brush from his fingers.

Unexpectedly, Matt leans up, his face closer to yours, his eyes focusing on yours. He smiles, his fingers still spreading against your tongue as you moan and whimper against the skin of his hand. Removing his hand from your mouth he leans to your cheek and shakes his head as he takes in your pleasure for himself.

"Open your fucking mouth and tell me why you ended it."

You look up at him hazily, your vision clouded with pleasure as he slips a finger inside of you, flexing against your g-spot with every movement; the vibrator, and the tension, still heavy on your clit.

Matt shrugs at your silence, his hands moving faster inside of you as he turns the wand to a higher speed, resting it directly where you need it most. His eyes are dark and a strand of his hair hangs in a sweaty curl over his eyes.

Your legs twitch and you grasp at the silk sheets of his bed in desperation, your voice and your squirms rocking the mattress sharply against his wall.

"Is my beautiful girl going to cum?" He smiles, his hands never slowing down, even as he moves his head closer and closer to your face. His lips brushing against your ear as he whispers for you to beg for it. His hands never slow as he nods his head at your pleas, his fingers only moving faster against your pussy.

"Cum for me, be a good girl and cum."

As you reach your climax, your body shaking in his hands, Matt continues to pleasure you with his firm fingers, his hands only moving faster as you writhe and twitch under his touch. Feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated already, your voice comes out quietly as beg for him to stop. Your hands reach down to push against his arms as you try to sit up and get away from his touch; however, his hands inside you slows only to press against your abdomen, his hand holding you down as he works the vibrating wand against you with more force.

"Do you really think just one is going to make up for everything you did to us?"

You watch as your ex, Matt holds your hips and slowly moves the wand to brush against your cunt. His hands pausing to rub comforting circles on your stomach and legs, urging you that you can take it, urging you to be as messy as you can for him.

Finally, he pulls the wand away, setting it down beside him on the bed and moving your legs to open further in front of him.

His hands move from their comfortable spot on your legs and hips to your wet folds, his strong fingers slipping against your wetness and circling your clit.

He lets out an exasperated sigh, his lips parting and his eyes softening, he tilts his head at you; his right hand moving slowly against your warmth.

“Listen to the way you sound my love—so incredibly desperate for me," He pauses, his eyes scanning your beautiful body, traces of jealousy and love in his beautifully bright eyes.

Your body is his and he knows it, your legs are sticky and your abdomen slick with sweat. Matt's hands exit from your entrance and instead rest on your thighs, pulling your legs further apart only to settle himself in the middle, his mouth gently running across the inside of your thigh.

Without warning he smiles as he leaves soft kisses from your knee up to your inner thigh, his lips run over your folds only slightly in a teasing manner. He smiles, laughing as he looks at your tired expression.

"Tired already baby? but we're just starting.."

His hands reach up to pry your dress up further, the hem bunching up just to your collarbone exposing your tits and practically begging to be taken all the way off; and he knows this because he can hear it when your voice comes out as a desperate plea, begging for him to let you feel good.

Suddenly he smiles, his hands toying with your tits and rubbing against your nipples as he grazes his tongue over your clit. His eyes are open and painfully blue as his eyes twinkle at yours.

Matt's tongue slowly enters in between your warm folds, lapping at your wetness as if it's the last thing he has to drink. His eyes close briefly as he takes in the moment and he moans, enjoying the taste of you on his soft lips.

Your body is still sensitive from your first orgasm, your legs twitch and shake as he spits and sucks on your sensitive clit, his hands moving down to hold onto your bucking hips as he eats you out with more force.

It becomes increasingly hard to focus as you are lost in the moment, as each gentle lick and teasing caress sends shivers down your spine and his words lead you into a sort of oblivion. Every flick of his tongue bringing you closer to a point of no return and every whimper escaping you urging him to move his tongue faster inside of you.

Matt has always enjoyed teasing you and because of this, he immediately stops the moment your breath begins to become louder. Pulling his mouth away, he presses a soft kiss to your mound and instead slides his tongue to lick just beside your wetness. His eyes are playful and he lets out a small "tsk" when he sees your now placid expression.

"This is how I feel when you play with my feelings—"

His fingers move to rub against your folds again and the second you let out a moan, his fingers halt; his lips moving teasingly above your clit.

"when you promise me one thing and do the opposite.." Matt lets out a loud exhale, his voice hoarse and filled with desire, as he continues, panting between each word.

" when you swear forever to me and then leave—"

You whine against his words, your core throbbing in impatience as he prolongs your orgasm. He chuckles at your impatience, refusing to finish his sentence all together before finally finishing, "not very nice is it? hmm?"

Exasperated; you sigh, your mouth left open in desperation. Suddenly, his fingers dive into you, his lips pressing gentle kisses to your inner thighs, his hair is messy and his eyes look at you as he teases you even more than you ever thought possible.

Pushing your legs down onto the bed as he fingers you, his body pins you down and you hear his voice breathless as he smiles. His fingers slip out of you, to trail up along your body as he traces against your hips and your thighs, even more. Seeing the look in your eyes, he chuckles, his smile bright but his gaze solely on you.

"Please," you whisper, the word slips from your lips like a plea.

This makes him smile harder, his fingertips reaching up to your tits as he caresses against them. “But you look so pretty when I tease you like this, baby.” Matt lets out a groan as he gropes your tits, complimenting them and prodding his fingers up and down the contours of your body.

Suddenly, his fingers find themselves back at your core, plunging in and out, his other hand rubbing at your clit as he props himself up to bend and plant kisses onto your lips. You moan against his lips as his hands work magic upon you, his kisses sweet and tender in comparison to the actions of his fingers.

You feel yourself begin to unravel against his hand as your breath heaves, your voice becoming uncontrollable as he pleasures you.

“Don’t cum,” Matt whispers against your lips, his fingers ravenous inside of you as he continues to kiss you, his lips trailing to your neck. You moan as he sucks at your neck, his smile apparent as it nips slightly at your skin.

“I want you to beg me.”

Your heart races, the drum echoing in your ears as your fingers grasp to the sheets of his bed. “Please,” you whisper, the plea escaping your lips before you can hold it back.

The sensation of your pleasure is almost overwhelming and the world around you seems silent, as if it is only you and Matt now. “Just let me.” You beg, the words barely forming as they slip out, your back arching as you feel his lips detach from their spot on your neck where there is now a beautiful red hue.

“Good girl, more or I stop.”

Your voice trembles with longing as his fingers slow inside of you. “Please Matt,” you whine.

He nods, his face moving in front of you so that he can see your every expression. “Tell me what you want to do baby.”

You lie back on his sheets as you moan, your voice desperate, “Please let me cum, Matt.”

Matt smiles, his fingers moving faster to rub at your clit and press at your g-spot. He smiles at you, urging you to cum for him.

“Come for me. You can do it.. please baby.” The moment after he finishes speaking, everything fades away as you come on Matt’s fingers. The sounds, the lights, all of your worried thoughts, all of it is replaced with sensation and the look of love in Matt’s eyes.

He lets out a gentle laugh, his eyes crinkling as he smiles. Matt presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, his fingers slipping out of you. You watch as his tongue slides over his teeth as he smiles, bringing his hands up to his mouth, licking your juices off of his fingers. Without warning, that same hand reaches down to hold your neck; his fingers flexing against the skin of your neck as his lips find yours.

Moaning into each others mouths, you feel his smile through the warm kiss and you feel the tightening grip of his on your neck.

"Look at you... so ruined because of me.."

Your legs are shaking, your breath hoarse and wrapped with pleasure. His hands tug once more on your dress, sliding it finally up and over your arms, leaving your entire body exposed as he throws it onto the floor. You moan as the cold air gushes against your body, goosebumps appearing on your arms, your legs, your tits.

Matt's eyes mirror extreme concentration and patience as he smiles down at you, his hands reaching to find yours.

"turn around for me, slut."

Obeying, you turn over to lay on your stomach. His hands find your legs and instantly he urges your abdomen up, your knees planted on the bed.

"good girl, put your pretty head down.." You put your head down, your eyes closing as you press your face into his pillow. Your eyes are closed, yet you feel everything. You can feel the grip he places on your wrists and the sound of fabric twisting as he takes off his tank top, within in instant you feel pressure against your wrists as Matt starts to tie the fabric from his shirt around them, connecting the makeshift rope to his headboard.

You feel his position change, as he moves to stand right behind you. His warm cock pressing against your thigh, his arms moving to hold onto your hips, lazily tracing down your thigh.

"Is there something that you want?" He murmurs, his hands grabbing his dick only to rub it against your entrance. You moan, your hips gravitating backwards in hopes that he will give you what you want.

Knowing that you don't want to ask, Matt's hand leaves it's place from your leg and moves up to your thigh, smacking it.

You lie there, bound and exposed to him, your heart pounding in your chest. You can feel his warmth and strength against you as he looms over your back, his gaze dark and hungry. You squirm and moan softly as he teases you mercilessly, driving you closer to the edge without giving you release, without giving you the satisfaction of his cock plunging inside of you.

Matt sighs, "I think you know that you need to ask."

"Tell me, what do you want from me," He urges, his hips rocking slowly just so that his tip presses into you.

Your voice trembles as you speak, the words barely above a whisper. "I want...I want you to take me." The admission is like a dam breaking, and you feel a rush of shame and desire mixed together the second those words leave your mouth.

Matt's hips press closer, his tip teasing your entrance, making you shudder with need. "No, that's not what I want to hear," he says, his voice low and husky. "I want to hear you ask for it. Ask me to fuck you."

His words leave sparks throughout your whole body, your face turns flush as you bury your face into his pillows. You feel your face burn with shame, but you can't help the words that spill out of your mouth. "Please fuck me," you say, your voice barely breaking a whisper.

Matt's hips press harder against you, and you feel his tip enter you from behind. You gasp at the sensation, your body trembling with pleasure.

"Good girl," he murmurs, his voice low and approving. He thrusts into you, slowly, savoring the feeling of your tightness around him.

The room is filled with the sound of your mixed heavy breathing, the slapping of his skin against yours. You can feel every bit of tension building inside of you, every ounce of pleasure coiling tighter and tighter with every movement.

With a growl, Matt's thrusts grow more powerful, driving deeper into you with each stroke. His hands grip your hips with bruising force, leaving marks on your skin as he pulls your hips back against him.

"You like that, don't you?"

"You like it when I fuck you like this."

He digs his fingers into your soft skin, eliciting a gasp from you.

"You're mine, all mine."

"Ah, yeah... you're so tight," he whispers, his breath hot against your ear. He pauses for a moment, his cock buried deep within you, and you can feel his pulse throbbing through his shaft. "You feel so good," he continues, his voice dripping with desire. "I'm going to make you feel so good but so bad, all at the same time."

He pulls back, his cock almost slipping out of you, before slamming back in with a force that makes you gasp. Your hands, tied to the headboard, strain against the restraints as you try to brace yourself against the impact of him slamming into you.

"You like it rough, don't you, baby?"

His thrusts grow more deliberate, his hips slow their pace and he pulls out of you, slowly. You feel his cock slide out of your warmth, leaving you empty and wanting.

"Please," you beg, your voice soft and quiet in comparison to your heavy breathing. "Please Matt, I need you inside of me.

He smirks, his hand reaching down to stroke his cock. "You want it that badly?" he asks, his voice dripping with amusement.

You nod into the pillow, a plea escaping your lips, causing him to chuckle.

"Then beg for it."

"Please... I want it. I need it." Your voice cracks on the last word, and you feel a shiver run down your spine as his smirk widens.

Matt chuckles as he slides his cock teasingly against your warmth, his voice like velvet,"Tell me you need me; tell me you're sorry."

Your voice trembles as you whisper the words, "I need you... I'm sorry." The apology feels like acid on your tongue, the guilt tricking down throughout your body.

Within an instant, you can almost hear him smile as his shaft inches deeper and deeper into you, the pleasure overriding any sense of guilt.

His hips begin to move in a slow, deep rhythm, each thrust sending shivers down your spine. Your body arches, attempting to meet his, but he holds you firm, his hands grasping your hips in an effort to hold you still.

The pleasure is almost overwhelming, and you feel your body begin to tremble, your muscles tensing in anticipation of the release that's building inside you. You listen closely as you hear Matt groan as he pounds into you,"You're so sorry, aren't you?"

Matt's words drip with sadistic pleasure, as he hears you moan about how sorry you are, his thrusts growing more and more intense. The sensation feeling as if your body is on fire, allowing your mouth to fall open and your eyes to close in pleasure as he ruins you.

Without breaking his pattern, Matt reaches over to the side of the bed, grabbing a sleek device, already wet with your juices. He chuckles as he clicks the wand on, placing it under you right on your clit.

The vibrations dance against your pussy, the vibration toying at your clit as he pushes it harder and harder into you.

As the vibrations intensify, Matt doesn't slow his movements inside of you. His voice, low and husky instead, offers urgent encouragement, "Come for me, baby... let go.. I can feel you trembling on that cock, so close for me.."

"Come for me like a slut, scream for me and show me how sorry you are baby.."

Your back arches up into the air, the sensation of the wand against your clit and his thick cock filling your pussy is too much for you, as you shake around his cock uncontrollably, grasping onto the cloth securing you to the headboard.

"I can feel you trembling on my cock, so close… don't hold back, just let it happen."

The intense pleasure is overwhelming, and your body can't help but respond to the sensations. The wand's vibrations against your clit, combined with the feeling of his thick cock inside you, is pushing you over the edge. Your back continues to arch, and your muscles tense as you tremble around him, the cloth securing you to the headboard digging into your skin. The sound of his voice, urging you to let go, only adds to the excitement, and you feel yourself getting closer and closer to your release.

"good girl, do it for me."

Your body convulses in intense waves of pleasure, the muscles in your pussy clenching and unclenching around his cock, driving him mad. You moan as your body shutters around him, your legs trembling as you finally reach your high, listening to Matt's moans, as well as your own labored breathing.

“sit there and look pretty while i fill up that pussy ma… yes..”

As you continue to tremble and convulse around him, he can't hold back any longer. With a deep groan, he thrusts his hips forward, dropping the wand onto the bed and burying his cock even deeper inside you. You feel his cock ache, his cum escaping, filling you so deep. His cock pulses and throbs inside of you, causing you to whimper helplessly as he empties his load into you.

Matt chuckles as he watches your body go limp on the bed, the knees that had once held your body up, buckling and resting on his silk sheets, unable to hold themselves up any longer.

“my special girl, you came so hard for me…mm.. look at that puffy pussy.” Matt smiles, reaching under you to toy at your clit one last time. He rubs you in slow circles, his fingers slick as he periodically plunges his fingers inside of you to retrieve his load buried in you, only to rub that warm semen on your clit.

You whimper as he does this, your hips arching up in an attempt to escape his touch. Chuckling, he smiles pulling his hand away from your folds.

Just as quickly, he is at your side untying your hands and throwing his shirt that had once bound them onto his floor.

"Move over, sleepy girl," he murmurs, his voice strained.

You move over on the bed, completely exhausted and he climbs in next to you, smiling as he moves his arms around you.

You can feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and the sound of your own thudding in your ears. He smiles again, brushing a strand of your hair from your eyes as he murmurs, "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you."

As Matt presses a kiss to your forehead, your eyes flutter open.

"Matt.. What I did, I thought I was doing it for you," you inhale, breathing deeply as you look at him in the eye. "I didn't want you to give up something so big, all for me.."

Matt's expression turns solemn as he meets your gaze, his thumb stroking your cheek softly. "Sweetheart, there's no giving up anything for you. Every decision I make, every choice, leads back to you."

"We have lots to talk about, and we will.. " He sighs, his hands holding you so tight, as if he is scared to let you go as he talks," but I need you to be with me. I need you to never make those decisions for me, but I do need you to make them with me."

You smile into his arms as he comforts you, kissing you on the top of your head, and promising you that forever in his eyes, is forever with you.

the cutie ending was needed, i need that romance in my life

i look forward to posting here more, still figuring everything out but i appreciate any and all love on my posts ! thank you for reading ! ♡

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troybarnesbucky · 9 months ago

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just returning here after 2 years of not being on this cursed app to say one thing and one thing only. i LEFT this app because of rampant antisemitism and dehumanization that i witnessed two years ago. my last post was about the death of sarah halimi z’l, which you were all silent about. today, six months after the most violent and deadly attack on jews since the Shoah, i return to see how the virulent and disgusting antisemitism that pushed me away from here is even worse than it ever was. i was on tumblr, with various accounts, for more than a decade. it was NEVER this bad but then again, the dehumanization of jews has become so normalized in the last five or six years, so idk why i’m surprised.

well i’m not really surprised. but i’m here because i want to say i told you so, but it’s pointless. you all don’t care. you don’t care that jewish people in your own countries, let alone israel (god forbid lollll) are being abused, attacked, bullied and dehumanized at pre-Shoah levels. you would rather that happen than exhibit nuance, empathy for everyone, or stay silent when you don’t need to say a fucking thing about a conflict miles and miles away from you, in distance and in reality. i’ve lost friends, i’ve lost my last year of education, i lost my mental health, all because when it comes to jews, no amount of repeating the same stupid, violent pattern of dehumanization will teach you non-jews (and yes, some of you jews too) the lesson of antisemitism and its poisonous, conspiratorial and dangerous nature.

we know you don’t care. it’s been made so abundantly clear, not just now but in the last six, seven, eight years. when the only antisemitism you cared about was in a harry potter book, or in trump’s dumbass comments, or in a movie about a jew with a prosthetic nose. and even then most of you didn’t care, you didn’t let us jews define our oppression — so we know you don’t care enough to give us that “privilege” now.

but i know, maybe twenty or thirty years from now, you’ll look at pictures and maybe even history books and remember what you said, did, and fought for. maybe you won’t. maybe you’ll still be sick, poisoned by antisemitism and unable to shake it off. or maybe not, and only then will you realize that you perpetuated this violence, evil, this dehumanization of jews. you called us nazis, you spit at our faces while we begged to be seen, you engaged in violent antisemitism comparable to nazi-era rhetoric. and maybe THEN you’ll feel bad. but then it’ll be too late.

to any jew that comes across this post, you’re not alone. my DMs are always open — i don’t come on this app much but will always be happy to talk. am yisrael chai ❤️

#antisemitism #jumblr #jewish hatred #judaism #am yisrael chai

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missswritesalot · 4 months ago

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Yall tumblr was being a bitch and would literally not let me make a new post for whatever reason. It also deleted this ask from my inbox, thank heavens i had a screenshot. Enjoy, will edit it later to make it more medieval :)

Your marriage to Robb Stark didn’t come with a husband’s love, but nonetheless brought with it all the duties of the Lady of Winterfell. You felt robbed, neither your father not husband ever spared you a second thought. Yet you dutifully married Robb, and now were running his household.

You sighed as you helped one of the servants count sacks of grain in the great yard of Winterfell. The southern houses were yet to send the grain you bought. There was meat to be salted and firewood collected. Winter was coming, you thought worriedly, and there was still so much to do.

A frown fell on your face as you realized you were thinking like one of them.

Two months passed since your wedding. You thought you would get used to Robb openly loving Talisa. Yet these last few weeks you found yourself more quick to tears than you ever were. You didn’t care about Robb per se, but that he was your husband and shared his bed with a wench from the free cities.

You couldn’t even plead for an annulment, as you had consummated your marriage the night of the wedding. You remember feeling his caring touch, murmured apologies as he tenderly made love to you. He was determined but acted out of duty, not passion. You felt a spark of hope then, in the throes of pleasure. Perhaps now that he had you, Robb would be true and send Talisa away.

That hope was fleeting. He slept in her tent every night after that, for the rest of the war. Your broken heart hardened towards him, your humiliation turned to resentment.

When he won the war and you were seated next to him at the feast, you had foolishly hoped Robb would honor you on returning to Winterfell, and shun Talisa, but she remained by his side in your place. You felt despair, there was no light at the end of this tunnel.

You felt increasingly miserable this morning, and felt very light headed too. You had not been eating these last couple of weeks, and woke each morning retching. A wave of nausea rolled over you now.

“My lady, are you alright?” You heard a serf question as you faltered. You felt him guide you to a pile of hay but you were dizzy and sweaty, and fell into the inviting void.

When you awoke you were in bed propped up by pillows.

Catelyn was sitting next to you, and gave you a tentative smile when you looked at her.

“How do you feel?” She asked you gently. She patted you on the head. You felt too ill to reply.

The maester walked in and asked you a few questions. You answered curtly, you didn’t care for any of the northerners, not even him.

“My lady, I have examined you while asleep. I am happy to say you are with child,” he reported softly.

Your mouth fell open and your head whipped to look at him. “What?” You whispered. Catelyn squeezed your hand reassuringly.

You had given up on all hopes of motherhood when Robb went back to Talisa from the second night. You felt tears well in your eyes.

“Are you certain?” You whispered.

“We will know more as the months progress. The child will come before winter starts, if what we know is true.” He said, gently smiling.

You started to laugh. The hopeless despair ebbed away out of you. You were filled with joy so pure you started to cry.

“I thought it could never happen to me,” you muttered, unable to control yourself. Catelyn cringed but gave you a sympathetic glance.

You knew she felt bad for you and sympathized with you. She thought her husband’s bastard was the end of the world, but her son proved to be far worse.

You spent the rest of the day in bed, the maester’s instructions, and slightly rubbed your belly.

“Just you and me now, love,” you said, smiling to yourself.

It was Catelyn who told Robb that you were carrying his child. When the maester revealed the news, she had hoped it was because Robb finally took you to bed. But he seemed surprised, and told her not since the wedding night had he touched you.

Robb drowned in regret that night. Talisa tried to touch him, to hug him, but he shrugged her away and went to peer out the window, feeling the crisp northern air. He wanted to go to the only other person who felt the same happiness as him, but you had chosen to give up your right of informing him about your baby.

The months that followed made Robb crumble with guilt whenever your paths crossed.

You were glowing at dinner one night, smiling and answering all sorts of questions.

Your face looked surprised all of a sudden, and Robb looked at you worriedly. You grabbed Catelyn’s hand and let her feel your babe move. She laughed, blue eyes lighting up, and assured you it was alright, your baby was strong.

Talisa saw the longing and pining in Robb’s eyes. He wished to feel his son kick too. Instead, he looked dejected and regretted the bed he made for himself by hurting you. He apologized to Talisa that night. He paid her handsomely for the inconvenience and sent her away back to the south where she could reunite with the Sept.

As the months passed you grew in size and walked funnily. You read to your child often, and you and Catelyn became the best of friends. You looked forward to the birth, sure you were anxious, but it would be worth it to hold your child.

When the maesters suggested you lie in bed till the arrival of the little lord, Robb noticed your continual absence at dinner.

“Can I go meet her, mother?” He asked Catelyn one night as she walked out of your chamber.

“Why do you hurry? Perhaps you must wait until the child is grown and you are on your deathbed?” Catelyn said sharply, and turned on her heels. It took a beat for Robb to register that she was being sarcastic.

“It is my child too. My first. My hier.” Robb protested, following her.

“And yet while she struggles, you have not acknowledged it, nor have you uttered a kind word to her.” She said sharply.

“I- I-“ Robb was at a loss. He didn’t imagine you could want his company in your delicate situation. He felt a sharp spasm in his stomach as his guilt grew, he knew he took the easy way out by assigning responsibility to you, when he was to blame.

“I am ashamed you are my son,” Catelyn said finally. Robb watched her go, his heart sinking in his chest.

He didn’t sleep at all that night, and the next, and the nights after that. One day, he couldn’t take any more of the anguish and decided to pay you a visit. It was the middle of the night and the whole castle slept.

Your door creaked as he pushed it open, and to his surprise he saw you still awake. You were resting against the furs, half sitting, and had a book propped up on your swollen belly.

“Lady Y/N,” Robb said softly. He had always called you Lady Y/N or Lady Fray.

“My lord,” you said, confused. You no longer felt any anger when you saw him, but he was the last person you expected to see at this hour. Let alone in his breeches with a half open robe thrown on top.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” he questioned gently. He carefully approached your bed till he sat on the edge, over the furs. You unwillingly noticed the strength in his shoulders, the hard lines of his abdomen. Maybe childbirth would lessen your desire, you hoped.

“I cannot breathe when I lay down. It’s like he rests on my lungs,” you said, affection infusing your voice as you spoke of your child.

“I’m sorry to hear,” Robb said softly. “I know I have not acted the ideal husband-“ He let out a self depreciating laugh.

“An understatement.” You said. He looked sad at that. Sad and pathetic.

He leaned forward and kissed your brow. “I cannot express how deeply sorry I am,” he whispered.

“I will try to atone for my sins. For you and for our child.”

“Robb,” you said quietly, eyes wide. “you can start by calling the maesters. I think he wants to come out.”

Robb sprung back and you noticed he looked younger than ever. His hair fell into his face.

“Now?” He asked, “Are you alright?”

You felt another sharp cramp hit. “The maesters, Robb. Now!”

Robb didn’t attend to his duties the next day. He sat outside your chambers, propped up against the wall with his legs spread out in front of him.

The maesters and even his mother warned that first babies were slow to come, he had better go about his duties. But his head was clouded with thoughts of you. He felt ice shards pierce his heart whenever he heard you moan or cry, but the silence in between was far worse to endure.

He prayed to the old gods and to the new that if you lived, he would spend the rest of his life making it up to you.

Robb didn’t wish to see anyone, and no one could convince him to go wait elsewhere. At last after sun down he heard the sounds of your baby. He waited to be let in, to see his child and heir.

It felt like ages before the door opened. Catelyn’s smiling face beckoned him inside. He found you seated on the bed again, looking drained but shining with pride and joy.

“Your daughter,” you said shyly to him, still looking at her. You rocked her as she let out a small cry. She did a tiny yawn and you cooed in response, your heart exploding with love.

“I’m sorry about how cruelly I treated you.” Robb apologized.

“Robb-“ you said, trying to stop him, but he cut you off.

“Neither you nor I entered this marriage willingly, but I have been most unfair. I do not wish to dishonor you. Love is something we build brick by brick, not momentary passion.”

“Why now?” You asked, confused. “Why now after all this time?”

“Because I’ve fallen in love with you.” You gasped.

“I know you do not share my feelings but we have a lifetime to correct it.” He continued, smiling cheekily.

You grinned and rolled your eyes. You were stuck with him, for better or worse.

#robb stark #game of thrones #robb stark request #game of thrones fanfic #robb stark imagine #robb stark fanfic #robb stark smut #robb stark prompt #robb stark x reader #robb stark x oc #robb stark x y/n #robb stark imagines #robb stark x you

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ahhnini · 5 months ago

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kaleidoscope - rafe cameron x reader

warnings - angst, angst, angst

synopsis - rafe and reader were inseparable. that is, until reader confessed her feelings. years pass, the two are no contact. but as it turns out, reader had been talking to him all this time, on a platform she never expected.

rafe cameron x tumblr!user reader

wc - 1.4k

a/n - i apologize if the formatting is a bit messy, i tried to have both of their perspectives.

your heart shattered as rafe ignored your words. you’d messed up everything. what you thought were signs of interest had just been signs of him being friendly to you. that’s all you were to rafe. a friend. so here you were, in the school hallway, sitting down on the floor, eating lunch all by yourself. you’d muffle your sniffles, trying to ignore the stares from everyone passing by, texting your mom to pick you up early from school. as soon as you’d gotten home, you immediately ran to your desktop, ranting about how “boys are stupid” and how you hate being melodramatic to your tumblr blog.

you scoff as you see rafe’s arm around sofia. it’s funny, knowing she’ll be dumped the next month. having just celebrated your sweet sixteenth, you were now old enough to have an island club membership of your own, and that’s where you’d been spending most of your time these days. you stretch your arms outwards, before opening your laptop, logging into the tumblr website. you had gained a pretty sufficient following, and you can’t help but smile at all the people interacting with your blog. huh, that’s weird. there’s someone new trying to message you. it was from one of your longtime followers. opening it, you smile at the kind message.

Hey, I’ve been following your blog since you started, and I’ve been here every step of the way. It’s been so nice seeing you grow.

little did you know that this message would create a long lasting friendship.

another night, another party at the cameron house. you weren’t invited, of course. rafe was throwing it. but to be honest, even if sarah was gonna host, you weren’t gonna show up either way. seeing the strobe lights dance around the estate, you close your curtains, making your way to your bed. you bring your laptop close to you, opening it up to your last tab open, tumblr.

going right to your direct messages, you click your most recent one, a friend you’ve made who liked to be called R. he still hasn’t replied to your message. sighing, you exit out of the chat and check on your page, making a quick new post. you browse the site for a couple more minutes, liking and reblogging, before opening up another tab for netflix, falling asleep to a random show.

the morning sun wakes you up. immediately searching for your phone, you check your notifications, smiling when you see R’s username pop up.

Hey, was busy last night, i’ll make it up to you :)

your smile widens, and you quickly reply,

dw about it!! <3

across the street, rafe’s phone lights up.

you’re awake, he’s hungover. he let out a soft groan, squinting his eyes.

you send another message,

gonna get ready for the day!! + one attachment

even though his head was pounding, he sat up, opening the selfie you sent him.

after that first message all those years back, you and R instantly clicked. even if it had been through the screen, the connection felt…magical. now that you were both nineteen, you’ve realized that you’d grown up with him.

putting your shades on, you lay on the couch of your yacht. all of your friends were busy; you didn’t have anything else better to do. you close your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun be your blanket.

you feel his arms wrap around you, you see his smile, bright and inviting. he kisses your lips, whispering your name. your eyebrows furrow, something was wrong. you push him away, suddenly becoming self aware. rafe didn’t love you, this was a dream. why were you dreaming about him?

you wake up, wiping a tear that fell down your eye. shaking your head, you go to the mini fridge, sipping on a cup of water. you hate to admit it, but you’d been thinking of rafe more often than you’d like. he probably hasn’t thought about you in years; probably forgetting that you existed.

after spending a couple more hours in the sun, you decided to go to the wreck for a quick snack. you ordered your favorite; a chicken sandwich with a chocolate milkshake. sitting down in one of the booths, you open your phone, seeing that R replied to you.

Beautiful, as always.

your cheeks grow slightly red at the compliment. he’d do this often, texting you compliments whenever you’d sent a photo of yourself. it started after you’d posted a rant to your dash about your low self esteem, R doing anything he could to bring your spirits up, even if it had been over the internet. then, when you self-reflected and started growing your confidence, you’d started sending pictures of yourself to him. he’d never send you anything back, though. which bummed you out at first, but you respected his decision.

you two had been planning to meet up for a while, but R was always dismissive with you when you’d ask. a part of you was terrified that you’d been talking to a creepy middle aged man all this time, but those thoughts dwindled away as you got to know each other more. sipping on your milkshake, you decide to follow your impulses, wanting to meet up with the mysterious R as soon as possible.

ik this is kind of random but when do u wanna meet up? we both live in nc so we could meet up in a city somewhere?

shit. rafe was not expecting that. his palms began to sweat, quick fingers moving across his phone screen.

It’s too soon, don’t you think?

no, not at all! we’ve been planning this for months now, all we need is a city and date.

rafe took a deep breath, feeling his headache get worse. deciding to bite the bullet, he replies,

Okay, what about saturday? We could meet up in Raleigh.

sounds good! what time?

Around 11:00 AM work for you?

perfect, so excited to see you, R! <3

fuck. shit. he stood up from the stool he’d been sitting on, running his hands along his head. his breathing quickened as he paced along the kitchen, wondering how he was supposed to face you again.

saturday rolls around quicker than you expected. you were on a ferry, headed to the mainland to meet R. you carried pepper spray just in case he did turn out to be a creepy middle aged man, can never be too safe.

he can see you, sitting down on one of the ferry benches, fidgeting on your phone. he felt like a creep, watching you. god, he wanted to jump into the ocean right now.

after confirming the plans, you both agreed to meet up in a popular restaurant in the middle of town. you’d gotten there a little early, reserving a table for the both of you. you tapped your foot anxiously, looking at all the decor. you were so nervous that you didn’t even realize you heard the chair across from you move, looking up when you heard a deep voice say, “hey, y/n.”

what the fuck.

“r-rafe?!” you whisper-shout, suddenly standing up from your chair. his eyes widen, everyone around the restaurant looking at you two. suddenly becoming embarrassed, you sink down into your seat, looking at your former friend, in shock. “you need to explain. now.” he nods, licking his lips before speaking, “it was stupid. after you confessed freshman year I’d been going through some shit with my dad and I couldn’t handle a relationship yet. so I ghosted you. and everyone else after that,” he scratched the back of his neck, “I should’ve told you right away. you were my best friend, y/n. after everything got sorted out I wanted to talk to you again, but it was too soon. I remembered you made me follow your tumblr account back in middle school, so I looked through your profile, and I felt so bad, knowing I hurt you. it haunted me for years,” he lets out a bitter chuckle, “it took balls for me to message you on there, I was so scared you were gonna find out and block me. but you didn’t. so I kept talking to you…and now we’re here.” he finishes his monologue, playing with the napkin on the table.

“rafe…I don’t know what to say…” you respond, throat becoming dry. he grabs your hands from across the table, gently squeezing them. “you don’t have to say anything. if you don’t wanna continue what we have, that’s fine. at least now you know the truth.”

“so, you were the one giving me those compliments?”

“of course.”

“and you weren’t bullshitting this whole time?”

“why would I? i’ve always found you stunning.”

your ears grow red, pulling your hands away from his.

“I…I need some time. this is all too much,” you stand up again, rushing out of the restaurant, rafe’s calls falling deaf to your ears.

thank you to my irl @vannbao for helping me with this (and feeding into my delusions)!!

taglist - @nemesyaaa @julie123456897 @mfdoomdickrider @grxnde-dwt @maybankslover @dreamygirli3

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lenoraslament · 11 months ago

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Masterlist

Hello! Welcome to the Masterlist!

My name doesn’t matter. Insatiable Slytherin gal. Pisces ENFJ. Morally ambiguous characters are ✨

I am now taking requests. I write for Slytherin boys mainly but I can also write for Bridgerton and Gilmore Girls.

One shots are at the bottom

First are posts related to my three part Tom Riddle Fanfiction. All three parts are on my Wattpad

* indicates smut

^ indicates romance

+ indicates dark themes/angst

Lenora was cold, smart and cunning. Until. Until that night. Two mudbloods stole something from her, a piece of her she couldn't get back. She finds solace and healing in the unlikely ally of her longtime acquaintance Tom Riddle.

Wattpad Link

Chapter 9 Excerpt: Insolence +

Chapter 12 excerpt: Moment in the Library ^

Chapter 16 excerpt: Apparating ^

Chapter 20: Pleasure *^

Chapter 23 Excerpt: Malfoy Ball ^

Chapter 28 Excerpt: Good Girl ^ (*in the Wattpad chapter)

Chapters 33&34: Revenge and Satisfaction *^+

Chapter 35: Aftermath ^*

Chapter 36: Make Me Forget *

Chapter 38: Punish Me *+

Book 2 Lenora’s Love:

Lenora was Tom Riddles everything. Until he had to Obliviate her memory. Now they are brought together for the summer, as he continues to build his dark legacy the death eaters. Their love is inevitable; even with Cygnus Black trying to intervene. Will the truth out?

This book whole chapters cross posted to Tumblr but if you want to read on Wattpad

Part 1 Summary / Say Yes to Heaven ^

Lenora arrives at the Malfoy Lakehouse and leaves Tom breathless

The Rose Garden ^

Tom watches Lenora from afar much to the chagrin of Abraxas

Why Not Tom Riddle

Lenora wonders about the change in Tom Riddle not realizing she was obliviated

Hard to Resist^

Cygnus grows closer to Lenora

Firestarter +

Lenora accidentally reminds everyone just how powerful she is

Worth It +

Tom and Cygnus duel, Abraxas confronts Lenora

Flawless ^

Tom continues to confuse Lenora, Delia appears for the first time since the Malfoy Christmas Ball

Strumpets *^

Lenora catches Tom doing something unsavory, she pushes to be a deatheater

Overprotective

Lenora tries her best to be respectful and discovers something useful

Lust Potion *^

Delia gets revenge on Lenora, Tom tries his best to resist Lenora

Despair +

After being humiliated by Delia, Lenora wants to prove herself as a deatheater no matter the cost

I Love You ^+

Tom nearly loses Lenora for good.

Pain is a Price +

The long term repercussions of Lenora’s potion are discovered

High and Mighty

Tom proves his leadership while being absolutely faded.

Flowers for a Lady ^

Lenora is made a deatheater but isn’t sure what to make of this new side of Tom.

Dowries and Dark Marks +^

Tom tries to figure out how to get Cygnus Black out of his hair as they both chase after Lenora

Pillow Fight +^

Cygnus Black wishes Lenora goodbye, making her lash out at Tom Riddle

Tawdry ^

Lenora forgives Tom and then is forced to play the temptress

Make Me ^

Tension finally comes to a head between Tom and Lenora at the lake

Cozy^

They simply can’t stay away from eachother.

Crash Into Me^

Tom and Lenora continue to push and pull, Abraxas catches them

Tom Riddle the Romantic ^

Tom Riddle goes way out of comfort zone

A Proper Date ^

Tom and Lenora finally have a real date

Anchored*

Lenora wants more from Tom than his horcrux

How it Always Should Have Been*^

Tom and Lenora make love

Time Doesn’t Bow^

A snapshot into 6 months of bliss as Tom and Lenora stay together

Lying *

Cygnus Black returns, Lenora catches Tom in a lie

Disillusionment +

Lenora learns the truth of everything that happened before Tom obliviated her

I Lost You+

Tom’s proposal goes awry, Lenora gets revenge

I Hate You+

Lenora broke Tom’s heart but he gets the last word.

One shots

Tom Riddle

Hot Mess Part 1

Hot Mess Part 2 *

Infatuated

Careful What You Wish For *

Mattheo Riddle

Careful What You Wish For *

Theo Nott

Some Plumber ^*

Lorenzo Berkshire

Finally Requited pt 1

Slytherin Boys React

Perfume Preferences

How they would Overstimulate You*

Edging Orgasm Denial *

You took Lust Potion *

Romantic Moments ^

Free Use *

Dance with Me ^

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valentineshearts · 1 month ago

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Misunderstandings

A/N: Hi everybody! I just posted this on my AO3, and, as I was starting to before I suddenly lost all inspiration and stopped writing fics, I decided to cross post here! My AO3 is in my bio incase anyone likes what they read here and wants to see more from me that isn’t posted here on tumblr. I hope you all enjoy!!! Happy New Year everybody!!!!

Description: Crack fic I wrote in January of 2022. Jayce x Viktor x Reader except Jayce doesn’t realize he’s in a poly relationship and his partners have to break it to him that they’re all dating.

Ships: Jayce x Viktor x Reader. Mentioned Mel x everyone else included in this fic

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They were hiding something from him, he knew it.

Jayce may not have always been the MOST observant when it came to his partners, but they weren’t exactly being subtle. And if it were any other couple he would get it! People who are dating tend to like to huddle away together in corners after all, but not this couple. Even though Viktor and (Y/N) were dating, they always made the effort to include him in their activities, spend one on one time with him; they made sure that they didn’t shut him out, that their friendship, both as a group and individually, never fizzled out. But there they were now, tucked away, off to the side of the room, whispering to each other heatedly. (Y/N) was cradling a box in her arms. She shifted as he watched to rest the box on her hip, freeing her other arm to gesture as she spoke. Viktor pinched the bridge of his nose, scrunching his face. Their voices had risen slightly now; instead of just seeing their mouths move, he could hear the vaguest murmurings of their voices, though they became louder by the minute. Jayce sighed and got up from his desk, walking over to them. As he got closer, (Y/N) noticed him coming their way and clammed up, gently grabbing Viktor’s shoulder and whispering something in his ear. Viktor snapped his mouth shut, looking over at Jayce in a way that was obviously supposed to be subtle, panic evident in his eyes.

And it hurt, if he was being honest. It really fucking hurt to see his two best friends in the whole world, the two people he loved more than anything else just….obviously avoiding him.

He came to stand in front of them, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Alright, what are you guys hiding from me?”

(Y/N) shot Viktor a sharp, albeit mildly triumphant, look.

“I told you he’d notice.”

Viktor sighed, eyebrows furrowing.

“How was I to know he would notice?? The last time you cut your hair he didn’t notice for three months!! Why should I think this would be any different??”

(Y/N) opened her mouth to retort, but was cut off by the sound of Jayce clearing his throat.

“So. What have you been hiding from me.”

Viktor and (Y/N) looked at one another, questions in their eyes. They each seemed to find the answers in each other’s face though and nodded, agreeing on something Jayce couldn’t even begin to understand.

“Alright, come sit over here Jayce.”

(Y/N) walked forward, grabbing his arm and escorting him back to his desk, sitting him in the chair. She smoothed back his hair and smiled, and some of his anger melted away. She moved to the other side of his desk, Viktor coming behind her to wrap a hand around her waist.

“We meant this to be a surprise for tonight-“

She said, placing the box on his desk in front of him, Viktor continuing her train of thought,

“-Since you’re so eager to see what’s inside though, ehhh, I suppose we can show you now.”

(Y/N) stepped forward, a look of obvious excitement on both her and Viktor’s faces as she lifted up the top of the box.

“Happy Anniversary!!!”

Jayce looked up at them, bright expressions, arms wrapped around one another, a cake on the table, and got the distinct feeling that he was missing something.

“But…we founded Hextech in the spring….? It’s winter….?”

Viktor snorted, shaking his head, but (Y/N) had the same look on her face that she did whenever she figured out how to fix a bug in a new project.

“Viktor, I don’t think he knows what we’re talking about.”

Viktor really laughed at that, shoulders bouncing up and down as he looked at her, fond, but just a little condescending.

“What? Of course he does!”

Jayce desperately searched his mind, trying to think of something, ANYTHING that could warrant a Happy Anniversary and a CAKE, but he came up blank. He snapped out of it to see Viktor looking at him expectantly and he felt his face flush against his will.

“….Let me check my calendars.”

Jayce opened all of his drawers at once, grabbing stacks of binders, papers, and journals, plopping them on his desk, spilling onto the floor, praying that something in there would give him a hint.

(Y/N) walked over to Viktor, running the back of her hand down his arm until their fingers were interlaced, hoping to wipe the deeply hurt look off of his face.

“Viktor, I really think he has absolutely no idea what we’re talking about.”

Viktor turned to look at her, drinking in the comfort he gained from the familiarity of the face of one of the people he adored most in the world. She pressed a kiss to the mark just above his lips, and then another to his cheek, before gesturing for Viktor to look back at Jayce at his desk. When he did so, he saw Jayce, frantically rummaging through approximately three years worth of documents to try and find a hint. The hurt that had filled his chest was replaced with euphoric, mind numbing relief, that almost immediately gave way to immense disbelief.

“Oh my God, our boyfriend’s an idiot.” He said, smacking his hand to his face and running a hand through his hair.

Jayce froze, grip tightening on the papers he was holding, staring but no longer seeing.

“What.”

“Oh my God.”

(Y/N) was looking at Jayce with a mixture of disbelief and amusement. Viktor groaned and sat in the chair beside Jayce’s desk, holding his head in his hands.

“Wait, hold on, your — OUR — what????”

(Y/N) covered her mouth with her hands, eyes wide as her chest heaved with breathless laughter. Viktor groaned louder.

“Jayce.” Viktor mumbled, head still in his hands, “It's our anniversary. We’ve been dating for a year.”

Jayce’s mouth hung open, and he moved his gaze to (Y/N), waiting for her to tell him that THIS was the surprise. That this was just a big joke reason for him to have the cake and they weren’t actually dating. He was surprised to find his stomach dropping at the thought, but he shoved that feeling to the side, looking up at her desperately. She removed her hands from her mouth, looking at him questioningly.

“Jayce….remember that party last year. The one where you got REALLY drunk and had to sleep on our couch?”

Jayce nodded, eyes locked on her, absolutely NO idea where this story was going. Because he HAD woken up on their couch, so where his mind had immediately jumped to couldn’t be it.

(Y/N) searched his face for recognition and, when she found none, continued her story, moving to place a hand on Viktor’s shoulder, rubbing comforting circles with her thumb.

“And before you passed out you told us that you had gotten so drunk that you had realized that you had a crush on both of us? Remember that Jayce?”

Jayce shook his head so hard he thought he might give himself whiplash. (Y/N)’s mouth opened, forming an “o” as she nodded.

“Ah. That would explain it.”

“Why did you lie to us?”

Jayce turned to see Viktor, leaned over, head buried in his hands, voice muffled as the air brushed against his skin. He pressed down the urge to reach over and comfort him, giving his brain the space to come up with exactly one word:

“….What?”

Viktor sighed deeply, shoulders rising and falling in a way that just made him look even more defeated.

“We talked about it the next morning. We asked if you’d remembered. You told us you did. You lied, apparently.”

Viktor lifted up his head, eyes falling on Jayce, scrutinizing him.

“Why tell us that you remembered?”

Jayce squirmed, shrinking in on himself a little. He searched his mind back, remembering that morning, and immediately became even more uncomfortable.

“I was embarrassed,”

He mumbled, trying to avoid Viktor’s gaze.

“You both were acting like it was something important, really important; I didn’t want to disappoint either of you.”

Viktor smiled at him, soft, a little sadness underneath it.

“Jayce, you wouldn’t have disappointed us. We just would have told you what you had said, instead of apparently assuming that we were all in a relationship for the past year.”

“Which begs the question…”

Viktor and Jayce both turned to see (Y/N), an expression of pure, teasing mirth on her face.

“….How did you NOT know that we were in a relationship? I mean we’re not exactly reserved in our affection.”

Viktor’s eyes widened, the smirk on (Y/N)’s face apparently catching as his face morphed into a matching, “cat that got the cream” look.

“She’s right!”

Viktor straightened, pointing a finger at Jayce accusingly.

“Last week, to convince me to take a break, you took me to one of your favorite restaurants and I -ever the romantic- fed you food from my plate! What on earth about that didn’t clue you in that we were on a date?”

Jayce leaned forward abruptly, almost falling out of his chair.

“That was a date?! I thought we were just…really good friends. Who were secure enough in their friendship to hold hands, and kiss each other on the cheek, and feed each other food…..oh my god”

Viktor returned to burying himself in his hands as (Y/N) cackled.

“My turn now. I have literally licked chocolate off of your cheek. I have kissed you under the mistletoe. We’ve all slept in the same bed on more than one occasion. Genuinely what gives?”

Jayce, eyes vacant as he stared off into space and questioned every decision in his life up to this point, shook his head as if to wipe away this newfound revelation that was causing the puzzle pieces of his life begin to fall into place.

“Yeah but friends also do that!! It’s called sleepovers, and goofing off. Besides, in your examples, Mel was also there most of the time. Wait. What about Mel?!”

Jayce’s breathing became thin, far too quick and shallow to be healthy. Viktor lifted himself from his stupor to hand Jayce a paper bag, and (Y/N) placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing low circles as she counted breaths with him.

“Easy Jayce, easy. What about Mel?”

Jayce’s eyes darted between the two people before him, people he loved more than anything. It was beyond his wildest dreams to be lucky enough to be in a relationship with them both. And he felt like the worst person in the world.

“Mel! We have something going on between us…..I think. Have I been cheating on her with you guys?! HAVE I BEEN CHEATING ON YOU GUYS WITH HER?!”

As if summoned Mel walked into the room, her usual elegance and composure breaking slightly when she saw the cake, shooting (Y/N) and Viktor a sharp look, filled with anger and just a little hurt.

“You gave him the cake without me? We agreed that this would be a joint celebration for all of us.”

“Sorry sweetheart, he was so insistent, it was starting to hurt his feelings, but you’ll never guess-“

“-HE DIDN’T KNOW WE’RE ALL DATING-“

“MEL?! WE’RE ALL WHAT-“

#arcane #arcane 2022 #arcane season two #arcane season 2 #viktor #jayce talis #mel medarda #viktor x reader arcane #jayce x viktor #jayce x reader #jayce x reader x viktor #arcane fanfic #x reader fanfiction

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elitadream · 5 months ago

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Hi guys~! ⛅👋

Long time no see! Much longer than I ever intended, in fact. Truth be told, I wanted to make a public post sooner, but I've had a lot to catch up on in terms of notifications and messages since logging back in a few days ago. I've also made some changes that I will address shortly, but first of all I wanted to thank those of you who have reached out with so much care and understanding during my absence. Adjusting has been a slow and fragile process for me -still is-, and I sadly haven't responded directly to everyone yet because of it, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate your patience and support nonetheless. 🥹 🙏

Long story short, I was gone for five months due to a huge burnout, then progressively found my spark again somewhere along the way and have since mostly recovered. It was my wonderful friend @drones-of-innocence who reached out to me outside of Tumblr, and her sense of initiative is largely the reason why I managed to make this post in a somewhat reasonable delay. 😅💖 With that said however, I must also mention that I've deleted a lot of stuff from my page and have removed most of my work from the public eye as well. This may seem quite drastic and frankly a little unsettling, but I assure you that it was a thoroughly considered and reasoned decision! The thing is that I was still getting lots of notes on these drawings everyday and… To put it simply, I didn't want that anymore. 🙇‍♀️ Experiencing popularity was very detrimental to me in the long run and I needed to put an end to it for the sake of my own wellbeing; at least for now.

Which brings me to my next point.

After mulling it over for a while, I've decided that I would not be returning as an active creator in the Mario community this time around. 👐 Making fanart for this franchise (with such a high and continuously maintained degree of involvement) had a lot to do with my health's decline and I've come to realize that I wanted to direct my focus elsewhere going forward. For that reason, there are things which I know will never be repeated again in the future, both in regards to my art and online presence in general, but that's alright. Things change, as they do and should. I'm looking forward to reuniting with folks and would be very happy to stay in touch with those of you who wish to message me privately. Like my lovely pal @istadris said, what matters most about any fandom are the friends you make in it. ☺️

And speaking of which-

@ody-and-fanatu That's so sweet of you, thank you! 💗 I'm glad you've enjoyed my contribution to the fandom. It was fun while it lasted! 💫 My visual ideas may be gone from my page, but most of my written posts and replies are still there for anyone who wants to revisit those at least, so there's that! And I'd also like to answer some of the asks I still have in my inbox at some point. Knowing that you hold my art in such high regard makes really happy! 🥰 Unfortunately, the other account that I have is reserved for my professional work and I prefer to keep them separate from one other, but the good thing is that I intend to go back to this blog occasionally. Hoping to see you around! Cheers! 🥂

@heiressofdoodles Thanks, I appreciate that! ✨ I'm honestly doing much better than I was earlier this Spring. Back then, I was running on empty and on the verge of crashing without even knowing it. Being in constant physical pain was one thing, but feeling mentally and emotionally drained on a daily basis was another entirely, and something had to be done. It took me a moment to really figure out what was wrong, but thankfully I realized very quickly what was causing it and applied the breaks with all my might. One of my main priorities now is to be more alert and respect my own boundaries to make sure that this never happens again. 🥲

@keakruiser Thank you. 🙏💐 I'm just glad to have found my footing again. Feels good to be able to create freely.^^ Hope you're doing well too!

Special thanks also to @pianokantzart, @jelly-fish-wishes, @katlyntheartist, @triniji and @wahooitsamee for their kind words. 🫂 Your graciousness and consideration means a lot to me. 💝

As for all the nice people who sent me anon comments and well wishes, I tried to summarize my thoughts as best I could in this update, but if there's anything else you'd like to say or know, don't hesitate to ask me anytime! Now that I feel like myself again, I think I'm gonna hang out on Tumblr for a little bit. I'll be excited to see what you guys have been up to in the meantime! 🤗 Wishing you all a very good day and pleasant Fall. 🍂

-elita 🌸

#elitadream #update #personal message #community

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gyuswhore · 2 years ago

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How to Win Hearts for Dummies (the answer is lattes and banana bread)

Idol!mingyu x makeup-artist!reader

genre: fluff, angst, one sided pining

warnings: slow burn, swearing, shitty bosses, some descriptions of anxiety and breakdowns, one sided pining, reader has issues opening up (lmk if there's anything else)

13.4k words (im sorry)

plot: This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.

And you’re a little bit in love with your client.

masterlist

(A/N): repost bc Tumblr wouldn’t show it in the tags!!! Thank you for clicking on this clonking my pants as I hit post ! I started working on this at the beginning of exam season and I’m posting it the night before my last exam 🥲 what a full circle moment. Also pls excuse any inconsistencies or grammatical errors, my beta reader, unlike me, actually cares ab her grades and is in the beginning of exam season and therefore will not be able to read through this monstrosity for a while lmao. Enjoy hehe

Edit: I’ve just realised how many mistakes and grammatical errors I’ve made throughout the fic, serves me right for proofreading at 3 AM after a stats exam. I’ll try to fix them all asap!!!

The camera goes off again with a distinct click. And again. And again. And again.

The camera had gone off innumerable times since Mingyu walked out in another themed ensemble, and you were there, watching, through all of it.

You watched as he kept switching positions, rotating his body and his head. Morphing his features into more variations of dazed and serious than you thought could ever exist.

Standing there, at the portable table behind the main setup, attempting to clean a lip brush that would be needed soon when the inevitable call for-

“Makeup over here! We’re taking 5”

You note your sluggish pace as you snap out of your daze and scrubbing harder with the removal cloth. Snapping your head down, hoping nobody noticed your incessant heart eyes, you realize you were in trouble now.

‘Y/n, you’ve been cleaning that brush since I left 10 minutes ago!’ The senior makeup artist snapped.

You finish up the brush in hand and quickly hand her what she needs, not before rummaging for the tiny pot of lip product you absent-mindedly packed away.

‘Sorry, really sorry’ you choke out before she leaves in her badly concealed irritated expression. You see her make a beeline for a waiting Mingyu, who adorably squats for the woman so she has better access.

This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.

And you’re a little bit in love with your client.

It's not that you were overage (your mother begs to differ), but considering you were on your second big girl job and still no sign of a potential lover, the prospect was starting to weigh on your head. The first rattling experience was when one of your closest friends announced her engagement, your thoughts still stuck in a 19 year old you considered she was too young. She was not, in fact, 19, or too young, but a perfectly acceptable age to consider marriage with someone she loved, you had soon realized. You were never one for the dating scene, but you were always one to don your Dr. Love labcoat whenever an emotionally bruised friend would come seeking help. You were good at advice, but awfully bad at applying it yourself.

Coming into this job, surrounded by a plethora of beautiful people, your heart would be of stone if it weren’t to waver.

The gong of unattainability had struck the second you laid eyes on Mingyu, laughing at something Hoshi had shown him on the phone. There he was, hair and makeup-less, looking like he had just rolled out of bed (which he had), and beautiful as ever. Beginning this new chapter with a bang, only problem was that it turned into an 8 month shoot out. Having encountered a number of gorgeous people, you’d learned to appreciate their genetic lottery pull and move on. But never had a single look left you as breathless and unbeared as that one, fateful look at Mingyu. One of the team members was busy assuring you not to worry too much about the pandemonium in the dressing room, that everyone would handle it and you were only asked to observe and help with smaller things as instructed; for now. You weren’t listening too hard though.

You were now adjusted to the chaos that comeback season and 13 men plus staff in a microscopic dressing room brought about. But you will never forget how in the midst of your first rain of hell, Mingyu had asked you to pass his phone.

‘Please?’ He had said, and you slammed your hand with a force of a woman infatuated on the table behind you and (literally) breathed out the first thing you had ever said to him.

‘Here’

He smiled and gave you a quick ‘thanks’.

There was no coming back after he flashed you those irresistible canines, and to this day, you wonder what nation you saved in a previous life to be able to have him know your name, hear it roll off his tongue in his pretty voice as he asks you to fix his smudged eyeliner.

You sigh defeatedly before your mentor slash irritated makeup artist shoves her load back in your hands and instructs you to come inside to pack up. It’s become routine for you now, as you begin to pack up the bigger palettes and tools, handing a ready-to-go-home Junhui the pack of makeup wipes he asked for, zipping up bags and closing tubs of outfits. It's an organized chaos but one everybody has grown to work around.

Mingyu is done before you, as he removes his jewelry and begins to shrug off his jacket. You scramble to find the clothes he came in and his coat, pointedly ignoring the familiar scent of wood. He thanks you and shucks off the remainder of his clothing, he might be used to stripping in front of professional staff, but you look away regardless for your own sanity.

Helping the last stylists hang the final jacket, you grab your bag and get ready to leave in your own car. Mingyu has left, not before throwing a “you did well, thank you!” over his shoulder at the remaining people in the room and leaving for the honking car outside.

***

Your mashing bananas in a bowl at 12 AM when you start thinking. Impulsive baking sessions had become a norm since you started working with Seventeen, needing to keep yourself occupied to stop spiraling. Mingyu was a recurring topic (surprise surprise), but one that quickly faded when you begin to think about what the future holds for you. You start mashing the banana harder. You consider the idea that you can’t complain, being in a position some of the most well seasoned pros had difficulty reaching. Being a single young woman and being allowed so close to some of the most unattainable men was seen as near impossible. You’d like to think it was your skill that got you here but can never seem to fully rule out a processing error.

It’s hard, being stuck in the same place. Your apprenticeship should have ended 2 months ago, but even if it had, you’d still be doing the same thing. The senior artist trusts no-one but a select few to work on the boys for photoshoots, events, music videos. People like you are left to sanitize sponges and clean the fallout.

You crack an egg on the counter and it splits open entirely, falling on the floor, yolk and all. Your inability to grow stays within the idea that you can’t really do your artistry like you want.

And how you never learn to crack your eggs on the bowl.

***

Showing up on the Going Seventeen set, you rush to the dressing room way earlier than you should. Being completely honest, you’re really only rushing because you want to maneuvere yourself to do Mingyu’s makeup before somebody else snags him. This was one of the very few engagements where you were occasionally allowed to take charge on makeup. Not that it was required for the show much at all; intensity and occasion wise. Your rare (possible) moment to (maybe) come into Mingyu’s organic notice was an opportunity never to be dropped by you.

You help setting up everything on the counters as the boys begin to (loudly) file in the rooms. You see Mingyu walk in and move to ask him to sit down once he’s done discarding his coat. He was first in line and you ‘happened’ to be the first one ready to begin working.

‘Is the eye makeup heavy? I just got a sty removed and I don’t know if I should be putting anything on at all.’ He asks as he sits down and you ready your damp sponge.

‘Not really, just smoothing things out. It should be fine.’ you say as you begin to press the compact on his cheek.

Your not really sure why, because you’ve never been able to muster anything above brief replies when in contact with him, but something in you pushes you to keep talking.

‘I’m surprised they even asked for us, they rarely ever do’ you continue, heart pounding so hard you’re afraid he might hear it.

He breathes out a laugh ‘Yeah. They even started advertising the show on youtube and subway stations and stuff, I didn’t know until I saw someone talk about it online’

You smile at his response ‘Well, all of you work so hard, it's about time they pull this to a high scale production’

‘It's never really work if your having fun, we try to be ourselves on here’ He replies, still smiling slightly.

You’re damn near close to collapsing on the floor at this point. This is the longest conversation you’ve ever had with him. You opt to smile in response as you start to concentrate on his eyebrows. The rest of his face is done far too soon as you zone out and do what you do best.

‘All done’ you announce as you pull away from his lips, trying not to have yoour gaze linger.

“Y/n! Can you start on Vernon if you're done?’, another artist calls from behind.

‘Yeah, he can come up!’ you reply as Mingyu (regretfully) walks towards hair.

Just because you sew your mouth shut with Mingyu doesn’t mean it applies for the rest of them, you’re quite friendly with all of them and Vernon does well to remind you as he sits down and quips a ‘hey bestieee’ in an elongated greeting.

You audibly laugh ‘That’s another word I’ll be hearing for the next month’

‘Regretfully so’ He feigns sympathy.

‘Be quiet and look up’ you say with a fond smile before you get started on him.

***

You sit on the floor in front of your television, trail mix on the coffee table as the movie plays as background noise for your thoughts - again.

There’s a smile on your face, but you dont notice as you think about the small talk you made with Mingyu today, wondering if it could become a regular occurrence if you learned to keep your heart and mind in check.

You were never one to stand up and take effort to do what was right for you, which is why you were talked into choosing Business Administration by your friend in highschool, who you never speak to now because she decided to ditch you for another group who were more inclined to shuttle themselves to liver failure by partying every last weekend in your entire college career. You were talked into applying to corporate jobs by your counsellors as you started looking for make-up courses, needing to abandon your dream for the second time when you landed a decent entry level desk job. It took years before you decided to choose yourself for once and made the big leap after multiple courses you had took on the side. Life was starting to look bright after getting hired here, but you’re not sure if you overrode a high or if you went back to your old zipped mouth state after you settled in. Never sure if you expected too much or if things really were as stagnant as they felt.

***

Overmanifestation can be a thing. You're not really sure how it works but you’re reaping what you’ve sowed right about now.

You’re currently standing in an offside corridor in a hotel lobby, clad in a pretty white floral dress, and a nervous, fidgety Mingyu standing in front of you.

'I know I'm asking you to do something difficult and I know it seems pointless because I'm not doing anything wrong either that you have to lie about it'

This was supposed to be a staycation with your friends for you to relax and get your mind off things. Your ticket to relaxation has become a nightmare.

'And I understand I'm being super unreasonable but I'm really trying to keep it on the down-low as we get to know each other'

You were waiting with your friends on the couches positively stuffing your faces with the complimentary chocolate bowl placed on the coffee table as a couple other friends checked you guys into your rooms. You were laughing and talking with your group, carefree and ready to have a week of well deserved rest.

That was the plan anyway. Until you see someone across the lobby, also in line at check in. He had an unmistakable toothy smile,and was hand in hand with a concealed brunette.

Your smile abruptly falls in disbelief as you feel your world halt around you.

The same hands come up to brush the hair out of the woman's face to place a kiss on her temple, smiling wide.

The nauseating feeling of ice going down your spine is becoming more and more apparent. You attempt to swallow the lump in your throat but it's like trying to swallow a brick. You lick your lips and attempt to look away but your eyes keep feeding on the picture you painted yourself in your worst nightmares. Realizing you're on the brink of possible hyperventilation, your friend drops her head and asks you if you're okay. You look up at her, not knowing what to say as you realize that nodding furiously will convince her.

Mingyu has a girlfriend.

Of course he would. What were you thinking? This man is one of the most eligible bachelors in the country, why on earth would he be single? You’re unhinged, you decide, for thinking you may have a chance, when the woman turns around and you see her in full. She’s gorgeous.

A part of you still wants to believe that you're officially past the point of sanity and that you've begun to see Mingyu in every tall man. The universe, however, is cruel. He pushes his head up and in your general direction, and locks eyes with you in unmistakable recognition.

He stops smiling.

So here you are listening to Mingyu asking you to keep this a secret from the company, to forget the woman waiting for him in the lobby.

You can only nod in slight motions as he goes on his rant to justify his oath to secrecy, managing a tight lipped smile as you miraculously find your voice, hoarse as it may be.

'Don't worry about it, I understand' - ouch - 'it's none of my business anyway. I'll keep my lips sealed, I promise'

'Thank you, thank you, thank you I appreciate it so much, you don't even know. I'll repay you soon I promise'

'No, please, it's not-'

'No, Y/n I will. You're being really good to me right now and I'm so grateful. I'm sorry for putting you through this while you're off from work and with friends. It's worth to me that your listening and understanding'

You're tired. You want nothing but for him to stop talking. So you smile again and shake your head.

'I'm sure your friends are waiting, I won't keep you. I'll see you soon though!'

And with that he leaves. Back to the lobby where you see him take the woman by hand once again. You watch again as they walk to the elevators, stepping in and disappearing when the doors close. You watch the floor number rise.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

You walk back to your laughing friends before you can see where they got off.

***

Retiring to your shared hotel room with Chaeyoung, you fall back first into the crisp sheets and mattress.

'Why're you so depressed dude, did Mingyu say something to you?' She asks, a slight line forming between her brows.

'I'm fine, I've been up since 5 today it's just fatigue hitting me right now' you reassure, like always. 'I might not go to dinner with you guys, might end up with my face in the soup at some point'

Chaeyoung hums. ‘Take the night off so you can gear up for the rest of the week. I'm letting you off for now but I expect full attendance for eveything else we do', finishing with a mocking stern look.

'Yes ma'am' you feign salute from the bed, mimicking her stern tone.

You've known Chaeyoung for quite a while now, meeting her in your last year of uni. Trusting her as you do, you were never fully able to fess up about your feelings for Mingyu. Fear of judgment wasn't the problem, but more so the strange feeling of shame that overcomes you when you think about talking about it with other people. It's quite beyond you, why you act this way. You loved your friends and you knew they would support you with everything, they'd proved it when you'd made one of the most difficult decisions of your life while leaving your job. But the idea of having the audacity to love someone who could never do the same seemed like a feat of embarrassment.

Who are you, y/n? Who are you to have foolish dreams of a girl in love? With someone clearly fit for all things greater than you?

Maybe this was a good thing, you thought, the weird feeling in your stomach returning. Maybe this was the universe telling you to give up and move on, a kind of rejection that keeps your dignity. This was nothing but a reality check, a sign from whatever wants best for you, to bring your attention back to what brought you to Mingyu in the first place.

***

You didn’t see Mingyu for the rest of the trip, which you were grateful for not knowing how you’d react if you had to see him so soon after, that.

Back massaged and head clearer than it had been for weeks, you feel more in control of your feelings and thoughts regarding your life. You hope the conversation with Mingyu was the last stressful thing you’d encounter for a while.

It’s almost comeback season, you realise as you see the new concept photos while scrolling on your couch at home. This meant insanely early mornings for weeks on end, but you had to push through for your own sake. You’d come out of multiple comebacks needing a brace for a month but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Never realising the true meaning of learning through experience, you were enlightened as you entered this new, very hands on field. The concept looked interesting, hoping the scraps of makeup you’d be allowed to do would be fun for you.

That ended up being true when you were, for the first time, asked to do Hoshi’s full makeup for their first comeback broadcast.

Your stumped silence was short lived as you hastily oblige and get the chair ready for him. You’d looked at the demo sheets and face charts too much for someone who wasn’t actually going to be asked to do much, but you see it pay off as you finish his eyes and get started on the rest of his face. It was easy for you to zone out as Soonyoung had passed out not even 5 minutes in, having someone hold his face as you worked.

You felt your chest swell with an indesipherable feeling as you watched him get up with your mastery on his face; pride, was it? You were getting emotional for no reason. Your attention, however, is moved sharply when you hear someone tell Mingyu it was his turn, finding him plopped on your chair staring straight into nothingness as he’d just been rudely awoken from his nap. He doesn’t realise it’s you for a solid minute as he tried to remember his own name.

‘Oh, hello’ he says, sort of confused. ‘Sorry, just give me minute’, he mumbles as he rubs his eyes.

He stretches back onto his seat signalling he’s ready for you to get started. You trying not to feel too much in your stomach as you begin.

You’re powdering his forehead when he says “I know I already said this but I really appreciate what you’re doing”

You know he’s talking about the conversation at the hotel, you were hoping you could avoid it.

“I told you not to worry about it, honest.” You reply, and somehow manage to choke out “It makes me happy that you’re happy”

You can see him trying to fight a smile, “Thank you for saying that”.

You wanted to stab someone. But you opt for gently brushing a base colour across his eyes.

“Do any of us know her, by any chance?” You ask cautiously.

“I dont think so. We met through mutual friends at a Christmas dinner, we didn’t start talking till she had to bring me a bunch of papers I’d left at my mom’s that day.” his face depicts someone reminiscing a fond memory.

It was cute, how it seemed like fate was trying to bring them together. It would've been cuter if you weren’t in a one sided pining with one of the two lovers.

“Well, I hope it works out for the both of you”

No you don’t.

“I hope so too”

You don’t hope that at all.

You felt guilty, feeling all of this. Hated that this was your first response to him wanting to be happy. Never would you have imagined stooping this low, hoping his happiness doesn’t work out for your sake. You’d like to owe it this being your first real infatuation, but you can’t help but wonder if this was really what you thought.

You decided to focus on the good news for today, that you’re finally allowed to do your actual job. You can only hope this wasn’t a temporary advancement, allowing time to tell.

Things remained the same the following day, much to your absolute elation. You were done doing 4 people’s makeup and was just winding down to take a break, quite satisfied with yourself. You observed as the rest of the boys got their hair done and run around, half in their outfits. You stifle a snort as you watch Jeonghan hide Minghao’s socks in his pockets as the boy tried to find them to put his shoes on, the former continuing to sip on his coffee seemingly unaware.

“Y/n, have you seen my socks? The green ones with the leaves on it?” Hao inevitable asks you.

You’re forced to feign confusion when Jeonghan pokes his head behind him signalling you to keep up the charade. He continues to look and you’re just about to have mercy on the poor boy before a to-go cup of coffee is shoved in front of your face.

You look up at the person and it’s Mingyu extending his arm at you expectantly.

“Oh, I didn’t order anything” you start, thinking you’re clearing up a confusion.

“I know you didn’t, got one for you anyway.”

There’s a record screech in your brain as you absorb his words.

“Think of it as me trying to repay the favour”

Oh. I see.

You’re a little embarrassed thinking he’d get one for you in that way, not when he had someone waiting on him. You accept the cup and mumble a thank you as he unexpectedly plants himself on the couch next to you.

“I saw you drinking lattes a lot of the times, so I just got you that. Hope that’s okay”.

Your silent for a moment before replying “Yes!” a little bit too loudly, eyes widening a little realisng your lack of volume control.

He knows your coffee order.

“Yes,” you say again in a normal tone and a slight laugh to cover up your inability to read the room, “They’re my favourite actually”

Kim Mingyu knows you like latte’s. This wasn’t good for your delusional brain.

Your conversation is cut short when the boys are called for roll call before they can prepare for the actual stage. You watch him get up and leave to file into the overstuffed elevators, not before he throws you the most adorable wave you’ve ever seen. You can’t hold back your smile as you wave back and look down at the drink he got you before taking a sip.

***

As it turns out, you did makeup for the rest of their comeback season, and Mingyu, without fail, got you an iced latte every single day before leaving to go on stage.

You tried to get him to stop, but he was rooted in his position and you didn’t have it in you to say no to his pleading eyes. It was a re-charge for you, when you’d seen him break into a happy smile, prominent canines that you’d grown to adore. He’d done more than enough to ‘repay’ you for swearing to secrecy, and you felt like you too, should should repay him the balance.

So here you were, making banana bread in your kitchen again, careful to remember to crack your eggs on the rim of your mixing bowl instead of slamming them on the counter. You’re stirring the flour in when a classified devious thought occurs to you.

These past two weeks were pivotal for both you and Mingyu, daily coffee’s meant daily conversations, which meant getting to know one another more. You’d exchanged phone numbers in the midst of all of this, to which ensued the agenda of staying up till midnight talking to each other about the meaning of life.

Setting down the whisk, you pick up your phone and sent the text before you chickened out.

[You]: I have a surprise for you.

[You]: You wanna come over? It’s better enjoyed fresh lol

[Mingyu]: Ma’am? 👁👁

[Mingyu]: That sounds a whole lot like a booty call

[You]: *attachment*

[Mingyu]: IS THAT CAKE??

[Mingyu]: omw 😮‍💨

You send the location and set your phone down, a jittery feeling going through your entire body. There’s a spring in your step as you slide the loaf into the oven and set a timer. You turn around your kitchen island and register the pigsty that is your apartment. The girls were over the night before and you had done nothing to enlighten the aftermath, pillows strewn across the entire living room and snack wrappers in places you’re not sure how they landed.

By the time you’re done and spritzed the place with some of your nicer perfumes, your taking the loaf out of the oven and on a rack to cool.

Ever the punctual man, you hear the doorbell ring just as your taking your oven mitts off.

Hoping you’ve done enough to your apartment to save yourself from embarrassment, you collect yourself and open the door for him through your ringcam. He’s barely through when your rushing towards your doorway.

“Hi!”

“Hey,” he grunts as he tries to slip off his shoes.

“‘aight, where’s my cake?” he demands once he’s done giving you a quick hug.

You roll your eyes and usher him to the kitchen, “First of all, appreciate how excited you are to see me, and second, its banana bread not cake, sorry to burst your bubble”

He responds to your grumbling with an “Oh come on, you can't put freshly baked goods on the agenda and expect me to pay particular attention to anything else”.

He has his trademarked grin and cheesy stare out on display like its nobody’s business, you want to slap it off of him in the most loving way possible, but you settle with a tiny “shut up”.

“I brought warm coffee this time, thought it’d go better” He sets the to-go carrier on the kitchen counter, following you to where you were attempting to slice the still hot banana bread on a tray.

“Oh, that was a good idea” you say.

“Where’re your plates and forks?” he asks, pulling out the drawers and cabinets you signal to.

It all felt too domestic for your weak heart to handle. Not to say it didn’t warm you to the core how comfortable he felt in your space, you did, more than you’d care to admit. But he needed to tone it down before you required an organ transplant.

You were seated on the floor, butts parked on floor cushions, backs against the couch. The coffee table held all of your goods while you both argued on which movie to watch.

“I can’t believe you haven’t watched any of the Harry Potter movies! No, we’re watching philosopher’s stone, I don’t care!” You shout in disbelief, already typing it into the search bar on the TV.

“Philly-philo- bro I can’t even pronounce it why would I watch that?!” He yells back, snatching the remote from you.

You’re both a giggling, screaming mess on the floor as you keep trying to steal the remote from each other, not stopping until one of you bumps into the table and you almost spill hot coffee all over yourselves.

You decide to call a truce and pick another movie entirely.

Just as you’re pressing play, Mingyu takes a bite of the still (surprisingly) warm banana bread and you watch as his eyes roll to the back of his head.

“This is so good” He says, his faced furrowed as he goes in for another bite. “Did you lace this with something, why is this so good?”

You’re biting back a snarky remark but you let it rip anyway; “It’s cuz these pretty hands made it”

You splay your hands out in front of your face, like your showing him your rings, fingers wiggling and a cheeky smile on your face.

He looks unimpressed as he scoffs. He swallows before saying: “At least you didn’t call the secret ingredient love or something”

“Excuse you, I’m pretty sure I heard you say that in some Gose episode” You remark.

He turns to you, all smug: “So your saying you watch Gose? Like, regularly?”

You immediately turn away from his taunting smirk, “Sometimes, if it shows up on my home page”

You take a sip of your latte before he asks you another sweat producing question.

“Oh, but you pay attention to me the most don’t you? Don’t you?”

He’s poking fun at you, you know that. But a paranoid part of you can’t help but think he’s onto you and your feelings.

So you say something maybe a little bit below the belt.

“You sure have a knack for seeking validation from the world when you have a partner already giving that to you”

The words tumble out of your mouth before you know it. In your defence, you're doing this for a greater cause, but it's still a relief when you see him comically gasp, hand to his diaphragm.

“Just because your alone in life, doesn’t mean you need to be salty about other people receiving actual love” He spits back.

Your sputtering trying to think of a response. Deserved.

He grabs a slice of the bread and shoves into your mouth to shut you up once and for all. You’re left chewing the mouthful and staring at him in shock.

He giggles and takes a sip of coffee, satisfied with himself. When he sets it down he opens his mouth to speak. Closes it again, like he re-evaluating, and finally decides to say something. He’s serious now.

“Ji Eun and I, decided it wasn’t gonna work out between us”.

Oh.

“Oh.”

He blows a raspberry and lets out a meek laugh.

“Yeah, oh. It’s whatever, it wasn’t meant to work out. Better sooner than later.”

You’re trying to find the words to reply or comfort him.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ask him, being careful to not lace your voice with pity, but more neutral and open. “You don’t have to, obviously, but it might be better to talk about what’s bothering you”

He pauses for a moment before starting.

“She wasn’t sitting very well with the idea that she had to share me. Like at all. She wouldn’t say it but she’d get mildly infuriated when I’d blow the fans a kiss or something, or interacted with the staff too much. I was getting home quite late certain days during comeback season and I’d find her outside the dorm at like 11 PM. It was embarrassing when all of the other members would see her there, obviously upset and basically yelling at me for, for - for literally just doing my job.I guess all the smaller things just started piling and she couldn’t take it. I tried so hard to make sure she felt wanted and secure in the relationship but nothing felt like it was ever enough. She was evasive or confrontational all at the wrong times and it came to a point- its a horrible thought to have in a relationship - but I was terrified she’d do something rash and I’d wake up to my face on articles for some reason - again”

You recollected the past couple years when Mingyu was thrown around in the media for a new accusation seemingly everyday. You weren’t involved with anything regarding the industry back then, but you’d heard enough news to be aware of what was happening.

Your heart swelled with sadness as you heard him talk, he sounded like he was trying- trying hard to be good enough. All for a person who seemed to have their priorities set somewhere else.

“She was amazing; kind and happy and confident. She treated my parents with respect, she was best friends with my sister. I know we only lasted like 3 months but at some point I really considered that she could be the one. But then the problems started and I realized she was only becoming an added factor to stress and anxiety for me more than anything else.

“I liked her because she was so family oriented, and I thought that was what would fit me because I’m like that too. But, I guess I’m just a different kind of oriented? I don’t know. I have a job that’s both interpersonal and unpredictable. There’s days where I don’t wanna get up and do work but I still love it nonetheless. I guess she just expected me to have a predictable, stable 9 to 5. Home in time for dinner, not requiring interaction with too many people; basically everything I can’t be.”

He’s silent for a moment.

You start talking after a couple beats.

“I really hope you aren’t taking this like it’s your fault. She made a choice to put up with your work, knowing how it would be for the both you. You tried your best but she made you feel like your best wasn’t good enough. I dunno about you, but that sounds like a really problematic conclusion. If she truly cared for you and what you love, she would never have been this unsupportive or not understanding”.

He’s listening to you, his expression is blank but you can tell he’s absorbing your words.

“I’d like to think I had realized that. But being completely honest, I’m not really sure when my thoughts go back to me thinking I’m the problem all the time.”

He manages a smile, a wide one, as he looks up to make eye contact with you; “But I know it’ll take me some time to really start believing that it’s not entirely my fault. We just weren’t compatible, and that’s fine. We left on good terms, and I’m happy about that.”

You smile with him as he finishes, but your a little confused when he starts sliding closer and down the cushions.

He sets his head on your shoulder.

You may have shortcircuited right then and there.

“Is this okay?” he asks you quietly, attention finally diverted to the half played movie.

You realise he asked you a question and you have to answer.

“Yeah, this is fine” You breathe out, somehow, by the graces of God himself.

No, you weren’t fine at all. You felt like the universe had flipped a faulty switch, mixed up the scripts, lost the plot, something. But as you get used to the weight of Mingyu’s head on your shoulder, you pray it won’t come back to haunt you in another chapter.

***

Your routine became inverted in the sense that, what you once had to plan out so intricately, is unfolding with no effort from you at all.

You find that Mingyu waits for you to be done with somebody else so you can do his makeup, instead of sitting on another free chair. He’d come to you specifically to touch up his makeup instead of going to an artist he saw closer to him. He never forgot to get you a coffee whenever it was that he saw you.

Mingyu hadn’t slept over that night, instead leaving in his car despite the 1 AM drizzle and your insistence for him to stay until the pour recedes.

Maybe it was better for you that he hadn’t stayed that night. Something about how you grew so close ‘organically’ made you feel like this wasn’t all in your head, that he’s choosing to be your friend.

You’re handing him his clothes as he begins to change, using the excuse to whisper to him;

“I was gonna try a new brownie recipe tonight, if you’re free you can come over?”

“I think I have somewhere to be after this but I’m free after, How’s 6?”

So there you are, back in your kitchen folding chocolate chunks into your brownie batter while waiting for Mingyu to get here.

Your phone dings from the island and you check to see a message from Mingyu sending you what looked like a grocery list; pasta, oregano, garlic…

[Mingyu]: Tell me what you don’t have from this

[Mingyu]: I’m at the store rn hurry up

You send him a list of what you don’t have, realising he intended to have dinner with you too.

[Mingyu]: k thanks

[Mingyu]: be there in like an hour

There’s a warm feeling that’s swelling in your chest, that makes you wanna punch a wall because your so happy. You choose self control, mostly because this apartment is on a lease but also you’d probably break your knuckles trying to punch anything harder than a foam mat.

By the time Mingyu’s here, the brownies are in the oven and you’re almost done with the icing. He unpacks the groceries (and the warm lattes) he bought while you finish up, confirming that he was trying a new pasta recipe tonight. Setting the brownies and coffee down on your usual coffee table, you decide wait a couple hours before starting on making dinner, instead choosing to hear him ramble about an idol he met at an award show.

“So, we start talking before we’re ready to go up- you weren’t there you were working on wonwoo’s makeup- and he starts complimenting me and so obviously I start complimenting him back”

He’s waving his arms around, and setting positions with coasters on the table trying to explain the setting.

“He asks me if I have a sister and I’m like… yes? Which I should’ve realised where this was going because he then” - he pauses to take a deep breath - “this absolute asshat decides it’d be funny to ask me for her number because apparently ‘if you’re this hot, I’m sure any sibling you have is too’ BRO, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT - how are laughing at this?!”

You calm yourself down for a second to clarify, “NO! It’s just hilarious how he thought that was okay to say”

You’re still still giggling in shock when Mingyu calms down, now also laughing incredulously.

“But actually though, please tell me you smacked him” you manage.

“I would have,” he grumbles “I got called to fix my hair cuz I ruined it or something”.

“Oh well, now you know who to avoid next time,” you say as you guide a bite of brownie into his mouth, “Forget about it now, eat sugar, it’ll help”

He chews a bit before swallowing, all while you’re watching him with an endeared smile on your face.

“Y’know, I really thought you didn’t like me when you first joined the team”

You pause mid sip of your coffee, brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“You never really talked me, did you? You were friendly with the rest of them but it just seemed like you never wanted to enter a room if you saw me there”

You’re looking at him in utter shock, this man was mistaking your avoidant (yet also pushy) teenage crush behaviour for dislike.

He’s looking at you expectantly, a little pout on his face.

“I never disliked you, why would you think that? I promise everything was a coincidence, it was nothing like that”

“Don’t get so defensive, kinda obvious you like me now if not before” He laughs at your panicked expression.

He meant platonic like.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that though, I’ve been told I have a pretty serious resting bitch face, it’s gotten me in trouble before” she smile sheepishly.

“It’s fine, you made up for it with that first banana bread” He says before taking another bite of brownie, “Could use more chocolate chunks”

You snort before pushing him with a sock clad foot, “Appreciate me even giving them to you”

You fall back to the adjacent sofa.

It’s quiet for a moment. But you feel like something’s shifted in the air.

You watch as he brings his hand to the same foot, holding onto your ankles. He’s caressing the exposed skin with his fingers, moving them back and forth. His eyes are glued to yours, looking like he’s in a trance. You’re not sure how to register this new change in mood, suddenly feeling like you need to turn the aircon on during the bleak Seoul winter. Just as you're hoping you don’t start sweating, you feel his vice grip on your ankle pull your leg over with a sharp tug. You scream as you lose support of the sofa and fall back.

You sit up in shock to find him leaning with his elbows on the floor, cackling like madman.

“Mingyu, what the fuck?”

“You-” He stops to laugh again, “You should’ve seen your face, PLEASE, it was hilarious”.

You huff before getting up shoving his shoulder with your foot again, “You’ve been playing guest a little too long, maybe it’s time you get started on that pasta”

“Will I be blessed enough to be receiving her highness’s help?” He asks.

He looks like a dream, clad in his T-shirt because he claims he doesn’t get cold. Hands behind him on the floor to give him support as he stares up at you, smiling wide. He’s looking at you with eyes full of stars and glitter.

You muster up the courage to give him a nasty glare, to which he huffs at and gets up, “Such a meanie”.

It’s hard to conceal your smile as his back his turned, sachaying towards the kitchen. You want to slap him and kiss him at the same time.

Your washing veggies in the sink when you turn around catch sight of his back as he stood at the kitchen island, sorting the rest of the ingredients. You get the same overwhelming feeling in your chest again, assuming you’re deluding yourself into thinking this is what life could be like with him. In less than 3 seconds, you’ve conjured a timeline of domestic routines, to wind down with him like this every evening.

You’re still lost in thought, still incessantly staring when he turns around and catches you in the act. He does the rude thing and snaps his fingers in front of your face to pull you out of your thoughts, “You okay?”

“Yeah” You say trying to gloss it over while busying yourself trying to find your cutting board.

“Are you sure? Do you wanna sit down at the island and watch me instead. You don’t have to help -”

“Pick a knife, and shut up dingus, it’s fine”

Once your both done eating and cleaning up, Mingyu hugs you goodbye, not before asking if you’d be free for lunch next week before he got busy the following month. You quickly agree, setting a date and time, bidding your (reluctant) farewells.

***

Once back in your apartment you realize how you can’t clean up to distract yourself because Mingyu took it upon himself to clear the space with you before he left. You sigh loudly and retire into your bedroom where you don’t have to think about how empty your living room is.

Changing into your pajamas and putting a headband on, you don’t even feel like turning your music on to do your night routine. You double cleanse, tone, serum, acid and moisturise your face with added purposefulness, taking note of the crevices of your nose and the neglected bottom of your chin. Taking extra time to make sure all of the foam is out of your skin before drying your face with a tissue.

You look at your fed skin in the mirror, and feel a weird surge of tears well in your eyes. Before they can fall you slam your bathroom cabinet to busy yourself to find your melatonin gummies, shoving them in your mouth before switching off the bathroom light and retiring to your bedroom.

Slipping the headband off and sliding into bed, you’re still chewing your gummies to a paste in your mouth. Trying not to notice how heavy you’re breathing you try to find your white noise machine, the one you found advertised for infants, and turn it on before grabbing your book to read for a few extra minutes.

Your staring at the pages like you found them to be blank. You’re phone dings next to you, signalling a notification.

Picking it up you find your mental health app sending you a daily reminder.

You’re allowed to feel your emotions.

***

Winter had run its course as you find yourself in April. You never really liked the cold, having been more sensitive to a gust of wind than the average joe, you were better suited to sitting with an aircon instead of being unable to move in the middle of Korea’s January cold rush. But alas, the cherries are blossoming and your fingers have defrosted.

That isn’t what’s on your mind right now though, as you’re standing in a Sephora, arms crossed and shoulders tense. You loved shopping for makeup, but you mostly chose to do it online unless you really had to otherwise. Parking yourself in the perfume section with the scents mixing together a cocktail of nosehair doom, you really wish you’d worn a face mask. Not to mention the migraine inducing coloured lights and mainstream pop playing in the background (you swear they’ve been playing Side to Side by Ariana Grande on loop since you got here).

These were all, however, peripheral observations for you, as you stare in absolute pneumonic shock at the number written on the price tag of the perfume you’re looking at.

Now, Mingyu is a man of class, high maintenance if you will. You’re well aware he likes to spoil himself, because he has a bank account to back it up.

Your bank account is definitely full and secure, but not enough for you to justify dropping what seems like half of its contents to something only one of the five senses can experience.

Mingyu mentioned in passing how he wanted this perfume a while ago, and knowing that he hadn’t ordered it for himself just yet, you decide to be the amazing friend that you are and surprise him for his birthday.

You may be regretting that right now, but you tentatively pick up the blue, crystalline bottle and spritz a bit on a paper strip before taking a whiff. It smelled good, that’s for sure, and it suited him too. So when the saleslady came to offer assistance, after you excused the last three, you decide you’re going to do this for him.

“Yes, could I have this in the box please?”

Walking back to your car you feel a bount of jitter run through you,

Oh, he’s gonna freak out when he sees this.

He did, in fact, freak when he saw it, and his reaction made you want to give him all of the good things in the world if you could see him like this all the time.

He’s smiling ear to ear and speaking in that high pitched voice that he gets when he’s excited. He’s thanking you over and over again, smoothing the box over in his hands repeatedly, looking at the ‘from: y/n :p’ with hearts in his eyes.

“I’m gonna save this for the rest of my life” he says, with determination and a goofy grin.

You snort at the declaration, “Sure, bud”

“I’m serious. What, you wanna bet?” he replies, taking a sip of his, latte, which you proudly credit yourself for swerving him over from Americano’s.

He insisted on going out to eat at this fancy French place a day before his actual birthday as he’d be busy on the day of, but it was risky for him to be seen eating out alone with a young woman at such a fancy place. You settled for a nicer traditional Korean restaurant, that allowed you to book a room away from possible prying eyes and one that you were both comfortable with. You decided to wait till you were back in the car with your post dinner coffee’s to give him his present.

“I’m giving you 3 months before that bottle’s dry to the dregs” You affirmed, “You smell like you empty half a bottle of something off your dresser everyday anyways”

You said it as an insult, but jokes on you because you loved the way he smelled.

“Fine, I’m gonna use this so carefully I’m not replacing it for at least a year”

“A year? What happened to the rest of your life?” you refute.

“I have you for that, don’t I”

What the fuckity fuck.

He’d turned to you, leaning on the headrest, that signature cheesy look; like he was in love or something. Voice dropping a couple octaves as he said it, laced with something defined and strong - enough for it to feel like the weight of an elephant had dropped on your chest.

You gather yourself after looking at him for a couple seconds, jaw unhinged and forgotten on the floor of his car. You chose to grab your cardigan that was neatly folded on the dash, and astral project it to his face across the seat. He’s laughing so hard there’s tears glistening in the corner of his eyes. He falls forward and you see strands of his hair fall to his face, he’d been growing them out.

“Shut up” you grumble in your seat, annoyed at how easy it was for him to send your heart through and beyond your chest.

He’s still giggling like a school girl, and you cave and give him a hint of a smile.

“There it iiiis” He announces, grabbing your face and smushing your cheeks together.

For a moment, he stops to look at you like this, like he’s contemplating. For one, brain rattling, organ exploding, microsecond, you think he might even kiss you.

Instead, he headbutts you slightly rubbing his head swiftly before letting go.

“I might need to wash my hands, I think I got your makeup on me” He mumbles, looking at his hands like a child with mud soaked palms.

“Serves you right, you buffoon,” You remark as you pull out your trusty travel pack of makeup wipes.

Yanking one out of the tab, you pull his hand over and try to wipe the remnants of foundation off, starting from the heel up to each individual finger. It’s silent as you concentrate on getting it all off both hands, he was wearing black tonight and knowing him he’d rub his hand over his pants and get beige foundation all over. You knew because you’d seen him do it one too many times.

“All done” you quip, looking up and catching his stare. He’s smooth to slowly look away and retract his open hands from your lap about 5 seconds after it became noticeable.

You busy yourself by attempting to stash away the wipes to throw out later, closing the pack of wipes and shoving them back into your bag.

He’s watching you do all of this, his stare is burning holes into the side of your head. He’s desperate to say something, but you’re not sure if you want to hear.

“Let’s go back to my place. We’ll stick a candle into a sheet brownie and call it your birthday cake. Oh, we can pick up ice cream too!”, You say, costuming your voice to sound unaffected by his vibe.

And so you did stick a candle in the fresh batch of brownies you both made at 11PM, two hours before his actual birthday. Sitting across from each other on the counter, Mingyu has his eyes closed shut, hands clasped, wearing a ridiculously coloured ‘BIRTHDAY BOY’ headband you found somewhere deep in your drawers.

“You’re gonna get wax on the brownies and they're gonna be inedible, hurry up” You groan, after everytime it seems like he’s done, he clenches his eyes shut again as he remembers another thing he has to wish for.

You’re not actually annoyed, he looks the cutest he’s ever looked, but you would appreciate non waxed brownies.

When he’s finally done, he blows out the singular candle and you clap lightly, “yay!”

You’re pulling out the candle and grabbing forks, dumping a couple scoops of ice cream on before you two start eating straight out of the pan.

Its a collection of groans as you both collapse on your couch, regretting eating all that so soon after dinner. He changed out of his dinner outfit to a T-shirt and pajama pants, he’d started keeping a set of clothes in his car when it started to become routine for him to spend regular evenings after work at your place.

You’re in your own unicorn pajama’s, slumped over on the arm rest slightly. You feel Mingyu scooch over to put his head in your lap, claiming he was “closing his eyes for a minute”.

You knew how lightning fast he passes out, so not even 5 minutes later you start to hear his light snores. As much as you want to wake him up to move him to the bed, you know he can’t stay the night. His birthday meant he had to be with the boys, and needing to head out early tomorrow.

So you give him 10 more minutes, fingers tracing the shape of his features, in his soft hair massaging his head with your nails slightly. He had a little pout on his face as he slept. Things had been hectic for him lately, having a comeback later in the month and the plethora of music and variety shows to follow.

Mingyu had been writing lyrics on the kitchen island one day, sputtering random words as you quipped in rhymes of your own without context, stirring the pot of soup on the hob at the same time.

One particular rhyme you spew out catches him off guard and he barks out a laugh at the ridiculous combination.

“I should put you on song credits for this”

“What do you think my producer name could be?”

He thinks for a second, “Banana bread sounds stupid, um, how’s brownie?”

“Cute, and serious enough” you agree, “I’ll be expecting to see my name on that album, sir”

Snapping out of your thoughts, you turn your attention back to the sleeping man curled up in your lap. You wonder if you could fall asleep on the couch too, keep him here with you for the night. Be a little selfish. It’d be nice, making waffles for breakfast when morning comes. But he needed to be at the dorm in the morning, the boys knew where he was but managers that’d come pouring in at 7 AM sharp, did not. And it was best kept that way. The last thing Mingyu wanted, you knew, was people getting the wrong idea. The thought stung a little bit, but you knew not to mix your hopes with what reality was giving you.

So you gather the courage to slowly reign him back from dreamland.

***

Your sitting with Mingyu and Seungkwan on the couches outside the dressing rooms, a little bit before they have to go to perform. You were done with your agenda and was waiting for them to start filing out before beginning to pack up.

“No, because why does he get to eat all the good stuff right out the oven and we don’t, that’s not fair” Seungkwan complained loudy to you, a mildly offended look on his face.

“Stop being such a complain bot, you’re never happy if I have nice things” Mingyu retorts, increasingly nasty looks being exchanged for an argument about freshly baked goods.

“Oh, I’m the hater?! Let me jog your memory, who was the one sulking and shoving me around when Y/n wouldn’t let you-”

Mingyu had jumped up and pulled Seungkwan into a headlock, his poor Americano half flying across the hall as he yells out in disarray.

“YAH!” cued with more noises of struggle and muffled threats.

You chose to embrace the violence by sitting in your seat and laughing as Vernon recorded their antics from the doorway inside eventually circing them for his supposed cinematic effect, catered for the inevitable weverse post that was to come.

Cut to them apologizing and cleaning up the mess of coffee and disregard.

You decide to be nice and attempt to make peace by reassuring Seungkwan, “Come over after you’re done promoting this week, I’ll make up for all the bread and cookies you missed out on”

“If you've finished with your escort duties Y/n, could you please come in and do your day job?”

The voice came from the doorway of the dressing room, your senior makeup artist standing there with her usual mildly inconvenienced expression. It took you a minute to fully understand what she meant by that sentence, your body completely still.

“Offended? What, like I’m wrong?”

You were no stranger to insulting behaviour in work places, but they’d always been revolving around your actual job description. People who didn’t like you knew they had to be smart on how they treated you regardles.

This was different. This felt like you were projected back in time to your solemn middle school days to mean girls taunting you about your spongebob socks, except multiply that by about a thousand.

You feel your stomach begin to churn as that nauseous feeling of shame began to settle itself into your veins.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting there but when she slightly raises her voice; “Are you getting up or not?” your hands actively begin to tremble the slightest amount.

You’re making moves to get up by puting your coffee cup down, not knowing what to do except follow commands.

Your interrupted by a voice from behind; “She’s coming in, give us a minute”

Mingyu’s standing there, his expression stoic as Seungkwan and Vernon looked as stunned as you felt. You don’t register it in the moment, but the people in the hall, venue staff and those for other artists have also silenced, watching the scene unfold.

Her lips are in a tight line, her expression remaining irritated as she steps back inside the room.

You realise you need to do something to diffuse the escalated situation. Letting out a breathy laugh, you get up and tell them that you’ll be going inside, trying to keep your expression pleasant and unaffected, not waiting before turning around to spare them the burden of a response. People get yelled at everyday, and this is no different. You aren’t gonna be the one to make a scene out of a regular occurrence.

You know what's coming when you get inside, she’s waiting as she pulls you aside.

“Your behavior has been quite concerning recently, let me remind you of your place here and what you were hired to do. You've been dilly dallying with people who aren't even your friends, and its quite funny that you’d think they are. It's time to wake up from wasting your time making heart eyes at men who are way out of your league. I won't tolerate any more nonsense from you, and trust I won’t be this nice or forgiving the next time this happens”

You choose to nod your head.

“That’s another thing, use your own words. Don’t think other people are gonna be there all the time to speak for you” She spits out, her professional front slowly eroding the more she spoke.

“Yes, ma’am” You say, hoarse voice.

“Louder, next time”, she stalks out as majority of the people in the room also begin to leave for the filming downstairs.

You’re left standing awkwardly in front of the racks of clothes, trying to digest what just happened to you. Looking around the room, you try to figure out what your supposed to do.

Clothes on the couches, eyeshadow brushes on the floor. There’s a torn sponge resting underneath one of the chairs, a couple styrofoam boxes left on the tables from lunch.

There’s so much for you to do, you arent sure how you thought you had time to sit down and chat. But you’re not sure where to begin either. The room is a mess of smells and colours even without the buzzing noise of people getting ready. Tears begin to form as you try to navigate what you’re supposed to do, realising you can’t possibly find a starting point for any of this mess. Before you have time to think of anything else, a hand is holding onto your wrist, small and soft.

It’s Yoona, another one of the makeup artists.

“Y/n, I think it’s best if you go home, it’s been tiring.”

“But-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll handle her. Just trust me. Go home you’ll feel alot better”

She notices you hesitate for a second, and goes in to give you a hug.

It felt nice, to be hugged by a friend. For some reason, it didn’t feel like she was pitying you, her expression and aura reassuring you that you didn’t have to stand here alone.

“Whatever happened today shouldn't have happened, but you don’t need to think about that right now. Go home and do nice things for yourself, we’ll figure it out later. You have my number, give me a text once you get home. We can go out later if you want, when I get off work, to get your mind off things”

You’re not sure how you’re holding back the waterpark that has become of your tearducts as you hear those words from an unsuspecting friend, you nod with a smile. You feel a little more calm.

You can’t tell if you care enough to consider the consequences of your senior finding out how you’re doubling or nothing on your already posed humiliation. But the only thing you can think of right now is your bed and the ceiling you’d stare burn holes into.

So you, for the first time in a while, chose to choose yourself by picking up your satchel and leaving the chaos behind you as you walk to your car.

***

Just because you were brave where it mattered most doesn’t mean you weren’t allowed to cry.

You had come home, shot Yoona a brief text, and promptly began to sob the absolute Nile into your sheets.

You had never cried like this before, loud wracked sobs coming from a place in your chest you had locked away during a time you couldn’t even remember. You’re breathing after every choked cry is a sputtered intake of life, only to spit it back out as you let out another sob of what sounds like agony. There’s nothing in your head, nothing but the words that were spoken to you as echoes of your own mind. Hypocritical of you to hate them when the same words circled in your head like a mantra every cursed, unfortunate day. She had done you a favour, by spitting out the truth you’d stewed, chewed and kept in your mouth ever since you got here. This was a you problem, to believe that you were capable of things beyond your bracket. You were told by the universe, screamed at by the world, that this was never meant for you, and you chose to ignore it. You chose to be stubborn. You brought this misery upon yourself.

Once you’ve disposed your body weight of tears and snot and burden, you’re left to stare at your innocent sheets now stained with mascara and your sorrows. You crawl into your covers and rest your muscles for a few seconds, head empty. You aren’t sure when you drift off, but you're glad that you do.

You don’t dream for once.

***

You wake up feeling like you drank a gallon of water and went to sleep. Your eyes, nose and throat feel like they’ve been over watered yet dry at the same time. You don’t realise what’s really arising pangs of irritancy in your brain once you figure out the consistent sound is a door bell. You’re doorbell, of the house that you live in.

You’re slow to push yourself up, realising your slept in your day clothes. It’s dark out but you're not sure what time it is, and quite frankly, you can’t say you care enough to check. You need to silence your doorbell first, which can only be done by silencing whatever hell sent individual was playing drums on the button outside.

It’s a record screech in your brain as you peer through your peephole and realise who the aforementioned hell sent individual was.

Mingyu was outside your door.

You don’t realise you look like you crawled out of a sewer till it’s too late and you’ve already opened the door through muscle memory. Mingyu was always welcome in your space.

He was in casual clothes, his hair pushed back from the guessed hands that ran through it, but he was still in stage his stage makeup.

“Oh, were you sleeping?” He asks, eyes a little wide, expression cautious.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go then, you weren’t answering your phone for anyone and you told Yoona you were home but you weren’t opening the door, i was worried. Sorry I ringed it so much I probably should’ve assumed-”

He stops to look at you, and it’s like realizes something before he finally says; “Just wanted to make sure you were okay, I’ll see you around. I’ll leave you alone”

“Wait,” you croak out, licking your lips, conscious of your morning voice, “Can you stay? Please? If you can.”

He stops to look at you, expression changing from sheepish to defensive.

“No! I mean, yes. Yes. I’ll stay. I’ll stay for as long as you want”

You let him in as he slips off his shoes and you lead him to the living room. His presence in the familiar place seems like it last happened eras ago, when he was only here maybe a week prior.

“You know where everything is, I’ll be back gimme like 5 minutes”

You’re scared to look at yourself in your bathroom mirror, so you don’t, and choose to scrub your face looking down at your sink. You change into a sweatshirt and trouser loungewear set, deciding to save your dignity a little bit further as you brush your hair and clip it back with a claw clip.

You take a breath before entering the living room again.

He’s sitting on the floor in your usual place, two steaming mugs on the coffee table, the tabs hanging out of the cup. He made you tea.

You sit down next to him, not really prepared for what you should be saying.

“How long has she been speaking to you like that?” He asks you quietly.

“She was always kinda itchy and uptight and stuff but, it was never like this” You say.

“Regardless, whatever that was, it was, wrong, uncalled for, all of those things” He says, sputtering a little bit.

He stops and sighs. It’s silect for a minute before he turns in his seat to face you, grabbing your folded legs and pulling you to face him too.

“Yoona heard everything she said to you after you went in, she heard it all. And she knows about some other stuff too. If you think, even for a second, that I’m not your friend, I might actually think there’s something wrong with you.

“If everything we’ve been through this past, almost a year, doesn’t amount to us at least being friends then I don’t know what it means to have one at all. You’re the first person in a while I’ve been able to be this open with. You know me better than most people, you’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. I’ve let you read me all you want, because I know I can be an open book if it’s you. I trust you more than I can trust myself sometimes, and I really wish you would trust me too.”

You’re watching him as he says all of this, you look up to make eye contact a couple times, and he’s looking at you everytime you lift your head.

“I do trust you. Probably more than anyone else. It’s myself I don’t trust. It’s hard for me to open up, I’m scared I’m gonna say something that’ll scare you away. And, I just thought maybe she was right today, that I need to realise that it can’t be that way between us, I have a job to do”

“What can’t be between us?”

“I like you, Mingyu. Like, I’m basically in love with you and have been since I fucking met you. I couldn’t believe that you could possibly be friends with someone like me, a confused, all over the place airhead who can’t tell right from left sometimes, forget you ever liking me. All that happened is that we became friends and I thought that this was as far as fate was gonna push us. All today told me was that … that was an overextension too. It was a wake up call that I can’t have everything in life. Things were going too well for us and I was letting myself think it could stay that way forever. I’m sorry for being this way, I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable and out of place. This is the last thing you’d want to hear from a friend and I’m sorry I’m putting you in this situation right now and that you had to go through that today-”

You don’t finish what your saying because you're interrupted. Interrupted by arms pulling you forward and into Mingyu in front of you.

Your both sitting in your living room at 3 AM, on the floor in front of your sofa like you both have so many times. Except now, Mingyu is holding you in his arms, and kissing you so delicately it hurts.

It’s warm, like getting into bed after a long day, the scent of home and security engulfing you as you begin to forget about the qualms of life.

He’s moving his lips slowly, with care and a feeling so overflowing you can’t describe.

He lets go slowly and rests his forehead against yours, his arms are around you tight, legs wrapped around your entire body so you can't escape - physically or mentally.

“You dumbass” You hear him say.

“I love you,Y/n. More than anything. And I need you to know that you don’t have to hide. If you think your thoughts are a burden then I want to carry it for you. I want you to realise you’re not alone. I want you to stop pushing me away. Everytime I want to do something nice for you, you try to push the effort to something else, everytime I try to take care of you, you have this look that makes me think you feel guilty for taking up my time or something. Everytime I think you’re about to ask me to stay the night, you remind me I have priorities and I should go, even though I know you want me to stay with you. I want you to stop caring so much for how other people feel and realise you can demand the same from the universe too. You deserve love and to be treated with care. You need to let people do that for you, love.”

Your looking at him now, your turn to have stars in your eyes.

He loves you.

And you feel it. You feel it in his words, in his eyes, in the kisses he’s leaving on your face, in his arms that are wrapped around you, ready to shield you from the world.

You don’t say anything as you fall into his chest, head on shoulder, relaxed body in the cage he’s made for you. You close your eyes as the tears are burning down your face. Except, this time they’re because your relieved.

You both got up from the uncomfortable floor and moved to your bed, still tangled within each other as you clarified everything else.

You found out that majority of the people who heard it were very upset at the situation, but didn’t know how to approach or confront her.

Seungkwan almost bust a blood vessel after he had digested what had happened, disbelief and threats on his tongue as he refused to get touched up by her during filming, apparently making a point to walk to somebody else. Seungcheol was thinking of trying to bring up the problem to management, considering how Mingyu too was distracted all the way home.

“The rest of them have gotten quite protective of you too, I think. It’s not like I shut up about you”

Apparently the only reason you were asked to start taking charge on makeup was because some of the other senior artists pressured your mentor to stop restricting you. It made you feel a little more secure that it wasn’t just you that felt pushed down.

She didn’t like that you were doing so well, considering it meant she was wrong about you and your abilities. It hurt her ego a little bit that people stopped preferring her to do their makeup or their touchups, how they wouldn’t interact with her the same way.

“Alot coming from a middle aged, married woman, attention seeking like a child” Mingyu added, scoffing with a sour face as he nuzzled into the crown of your head.

“The boys really like you by the way, they’ve been rooting for us since forever” He says, and your heart swells unimaginably so; you felt loved, so so loved.

You scooch up to plant a kiss on the underside of his chin and then one on his lips.

“That makes me happy”

“I’m happy that you’re happy. You deserve to be happy, everyday” He smooches you on the face again. “Oh, and don’t worry about that stinky face I’ll take care of her”

You laugh at the determination in his voice, but you wanted to clarify something.

“Please, let me handle her myself. I’ll ask for help if she’s stubborn but I wanna try by myself first”

“That was hot”

You push his chest away as you bark out a laugh at the random comment, hiding you face, by turning the other way.

He battles that by pull you back into his chest and continuing his atics

“What I can’t call my girlfriend hot. You’re hot. Your the sexiest motherfucker I’ve ever seen” smooch “You’re beautiful” and again “amazing” and again “gorgeous spectacular-”

You don’t fall asleep until the sun has well made its way up the sky, taking the executive decision to sleep in till way past lunch and maybe even take a nap afterwards.

You don’t care how it goes, because your happy just being with him.

***

You met with Yoona a couple days later at a cafe.

“Seungcheol asked us if we were facing the same kind of behaviour from her too. And everyone told him she was stuck up and rude and stuff. He said he wanted to bring it up to management but it didn’t really concern him directly so they wouldn’t listen. He told us to do so ourselves and we thought about it, but we’re gonna need to tell them about that too”

You nod your head as you listen to her speak, it was making sense.

“I dont mind going up to management at all and talking about it. I get that the rest of the stuff is a little too tame to be considered, which sucks because she shouldn’t be talking to us like that at all”

“Mhm, and I was thinking we could vouch for you on how she was restraining you for almost a year. Basically not letting you do your job. That’d be a another thing for them to think about”

“Yeah. Let’s do it asap, how’s this Monday?”

“Perfect, I’ll add everyone to a group chat and let them know”

And go up to management you did, who were surprisingly understanding. Apparently having received multiple reports and even videos of the most recent incident to act as proof. It was working out for all of you, and it proved to stay that way as they responded with a promise to shift her to a different department.

You had gone home that day feeling fulfilled and relieved. Mingyu, a man with spectacular timing had also proceeded to send you a text as a distraction,

[Mingyu]: Kwan wants to come over

[Mingyu]: something about croissants

[Mingyu]: Should he text you ab it?

[You]: yeah ofc

[You]: I’ll order the butter

[You]: you tell him to text me lol

Two nights ago felt like it happened last year with all the unimaginable advances deciding to happen within the past 48 hours. Right now you were more excited for the company you were about to recieve, more concerned with making sure you made the best batch of croissants Seungkwan ever did see.

***

You were in the car with Mingyu outside the company building, waiting until the clock struck 9 to go inside.

Today was the last day you’d think about this, being called up for a face to face meeting with the staff member, so she could formally apologise. The team had planned a dinner tonight, to celebrate the end of her ‘wicked reign’ as Yoona described it.

You were finding friends everywhere, ones that were always there, pulling through for each other as you yourself navigated a new direction of thinking for yourself. You were learning to walk past your anxiety ridden desire to draw lines with everyone, as you took the first step with the dinner tonight. It would be fun for you, and a bond you’d begin to build.

You learned that you weren’t delusional anymore, and that Mingyu did love you the same. It had only been a week or so, but one of the happiest weeks of your life, despite everything. He was teaching you more lessons than he thought he was.

Mingyu squeezes your hand from the driver’s side as it was past 9, “Let’s go?”

“Lets go”

***

Mingyu’s way too enthusiastic as soon as he wakes up, indulging you in a morning (afternoon) makeout session, claiming he doesn’t care for you morning breath.

“Well I do!” you exclaim, pushing him off with a giggle “About your morning breath, stinky”

He clutches his chest in dramatic offense, “How could you? I thought you loved me”

You respond my projecting a cushion to his face.

“Do you want pancakes or eggs for breakfast?” You ask, legs hanging over the bed.

Mingyu looks up, a wicked glint in his eye, and you immediately know he’s going to say something of no help.

“I want you for breakfast” He says, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you back in bed.

“MINGYU!”

Needless to say, all was well.

#seventeen #carat #svt #svt fluff #svt scenarios #svt imagines #seventeen fluff #mingyu #mingyu fluff #mingyu angst #mingyu fic #mingyu x reader #mingyu imagines #mingyu scenarios #kim mingyu #svt x reader #em.writes

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toxicanonymity · 6 months ago

Text

For context, a tumblr account has been posting anon hate for the past week or so, mostly toward writers. A parasocial hater of mine discovered the account and has been going to town. I posted this after they invoked Israel as an analogy. Yes really.

Obviously I am disgusted by what I just read, and floored that anyone would post such a deranged analogy in the interest of stirring up fandom drama. I'm very sorry to everyone who has been attacked and everyone who has witnessed all this. Others have posted about the situation as a whole, and I'm not sure what I could add. But I want you to know many of these "confessions" are from one individual who has been fixated on me (and probably others) for weeks if not months. I already had the following in my drafts:

warning: please don't read this if you're sensitive to hate or could be triggered by the trivialization of real abuse. (edit: they went on to trivialize genocide too but they'll pretend to be different people). there's also a really gross anatomical reference.

the screenshots are all after I blocked them.

I normally don't address things like this, but that's because I'm trying to keep it off your dash and off my blog (for several reasons including not wanting to give the hate a larger audience for their message). Normally I block/delete. But thanks to a blog dedicated to posting anon hate, some of this is already on the dash, and I thought some additional context could be illuminating.

a couple weeks ago, this person chimed in on my non-fandom post, and their comment made me uncomfortable. I checked to see if they followed me and they didn't, plus their blog tagline was antagonistic. I was confident they weren't being earnest. I replied, pointing out my issue with their comment and asking them to keep their thoughts to themselves rather than coming at me from a sideblog. I thought they must have followed me from a main account since they somehow found an untagged, unreblogged post without following me. But I now realize they were simply hate checking my blog.

(Blocked the burner too)

They were saying this last bit preemptively - I've never talked about stalkers here. I didn't include all their anons, just enough to show they clearly out themselves as being the same person. In other "confessions," they make repeated references to a former fandom writer they idolize (not me) who they also posted about on their blog.

I won't be dropping this creep's url in this post, but I had never heard of them. This week they have repeatedly changed their url, display name, and blog appearance. Their writing is recognizable and I believe they are responsible for the unhinged asks preceding katy's departure from tumblr. They also made a rude comment on her post.

This may only aggravate them. I expect them to hurl any lies and accusations they can think of toward me. They will act like they're laughing and amused, too. You may recognize their tone. I want to trust this fandom not to believe and repeat anything they hear, but unfortunately my experience in this fandom leaves me pessimistic.

I can only hope people use common sense at this point.

Note - I know I'm normally really private about everything, but you're welcome to share this. Their lies are already out there anyway. Also feel free to DM me and I will tell you what you want to know.

Update: the anon-hate account referred to above has deactivated. It was named pedgeconfessions. It wasn't the first to pop up this summer and may not be the last.

#tw hate #discourse #cw discourse #tw abuse #pedro pascal fandom confessions #hate stalker #parasocial

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mrsbarnesblog · 1 year ago

Text

i can't let you get hurt

masterlist ko-fi ao3

Summary: You have just moved to New York, where your adopted brother Steve has been living for 5 years. Desperate to make new friends, you give the dating app another go. You didn’t even think that you would have to ask for help from the person who has not left your thoughts for the past month - your brother’s best friend.

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: fluff, reader is Steve's adopted sister, mechanic Bucky, creepy behaviour, protective Bucky.

Author's note: Does anyone know if community labels are reducing the number of likes and reblogs? because my last post received a suspiciously small amount of notes🤔 but I'm afraid to remove them because Tumblr might decide to block me again

Moving to New York was the idea that has been sitting in your head for a long period of time. Since your adopted brother Steve finished high school, he moved there without any money, without friends, and only with a lot of desires and dreams. You stayed in your small town with your and Steve’s adopted parents because you were only fifteen at the time. It’s been almost five years, and right now he owns an auto repair shop, and as far as you know, it’s a pretty successful place.

You knew that you had nothing to lose; you had no opportunities in your city, no close friends, and it was a really boring and gray life.

Steve only visited you two times, but you regularly spoke on the phone. So when your plane finally landed and you met him, you were kind of a crying mess. He was still your closest person, and you loved him with your whole heart. Steve was now much bigger, with broad shoulders and arms that were probably the same size as your head, but he still had that golden retriever energy, which you really loved.

Steve helped you find your apartment building, where you rented a small and cozy flat from a nice old lady. It wasn’t too much—just a bedroom and living room connected with a tiny kitchen and bathroom. Everything was clean, with light furniture and a lot of plants. It was actually surprising that this place had an affordable rent, and you were happy that luck was on your side.

On the next day, your brother finally showed you his famous place, which he owned with his now best friend Bucky Barnes. And talking about him, he was something else. A tall, big man with fluffy chocolate hair, stubble, and the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen. You knew that you were fucked as soon as he looked you directly in the eyes, shook your hand, and gave you a charming smile.

You met almost everyone in the garage. All the guys were super nice and friendly, they even showed you all of their cars that they were working with. You were happy that Steve found such a family here, they were all obviously so close to each other.

Yet, after a month here, you had almost no friends. You found a job in the coffee shop down the street, where you met an amazing redhead girl named Wanda. You chatted a lot during the work, but you two were still far from friends.

That's how you ended up here. On a date with John.

For some reason, you decided to give that stupid dating app another try. John found you there, and he seemed nice, so when on the second day he decided to invite you to a bar, you agreed without hesitation.

How long has it been since the last time someone asked you out? Year? Yes, it was a little sad to realize that no one was particularly interested in you. Before moving to New York, all the guys you talked to seemed to only want one thing, so you had high hopes for John.

Your evening went well at first. You ordered a drink and chatted. He really seemed nice. After the second drink, you decided to stop for a bit because the alcohol started to make you feel dizzy, even though John was persuading you to taste more of the cocktails that he had brought you .

"You know, I think I better slow down with drinks; I really don’t want to be drunk and embarrass myself on the first date." You pushed your glass back a little, smiling politely.

"Oh, c'mon, baby, don’t upset me." John chuckled and put his hand on yours. You awkwardly smiled, not ready for such physical contact. "You’re here alone, right?" He tilted his head, and you didn't miss how his eyes stopped at your boobs.

"Um, not exactly... I mean, I know like five people in this city, and one of them is my brother. But we don’t live together; he has his own life." John nodded his head and leaned a little closer to you.

"So it means that we can have some fun, right, baby?"

"Fun?"

"Mhm." One of his hands stayed on top of yours, and the other one suddenly fell on your leg. Your body tensed at the feeling of his fingers as they started to rub the bare skin of your inner thigh. You definitely didn’t expect it to happen. "I’ll take an Uber; we’ll go to my place, and we can continue our night. What do you think?"

"I didn’t want to—I mean, that’s not what I was looking for—I thought that we were going to just talk and drink, you know…" You tried to take his hand off of you, but his grip only became harder.

"Don’t try to run away now, baby." He grinned. "You dressed up for me, huh? Your tight little dress that shows your boobs says it all. You just want me." You felt goosebumps all over your body because of his look. It was intense and not as innocent as it was before. You felt disgusted because of his words. You wanted to look good, yes, but seducing him wasn’t part of your plan.

So what are you going to do now? You felt unsafe, and you didn’t know how you could escape this situation. He was obviously a creep, and he just wanted to have sex with you. You can’t go home because either he won't let you go or he might find out where you live.

"O-okay- um- just let me- I’ll go to the restroom real quick, and we can go, okay?" You nervously smiled and stood up, almost spilling your cocktail.

"Someone’s excited, huh?" He laughed, looking at your body up and down.

You left without an answer. You really went to the restroom because the bar was half empty, and John would’ve definitely seen you going out. Luckily, the restroom was empty. You locked the door and looked at yourself in the mirror for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to do.

You reached into your purse to get your phone. The first person that came to mind was Steve. Only long beeps were heard, and after the third call, you gave up.

"Fuck, Steve, I really need you right now." You scrolled through your contacts again. It wasn’t a lie that you knew five people from New York. Steve was not answering his phone. Your neighbor Natasha and Wanda from work, were not your close friends, so it would’ve been weird to call them because of this. There was a number of an old lady who rented you an apartment, and she was obviously not an option. And there was another person.

Bucky.

Calling him in this situation was the last thing you wanted to do. Hell, he probably won’t even answer you because he thinks that you’re just his best friend’s little sister, and he’ll definitely make fun of you about this stupid date. But you had no other variants.

"Hello?" He picked up his phone almost immediately, and you even forgot what you wanted to say. "Y/N? Are you okay?" His deep voice was full of worry, and you couldn’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach.

"H-hey, Bucky. Um�� I’m really, really sorry that I’m calling you, but Steve is not picking up his phone. Do you know where he is?" You walked around the small room, trying to calm down.

"Yeah, he’s meeting with some girl he's been talking about for days. He’s probably really busy right now." He chuckled, and you felt like you were about to cry. Bucky must’ve heard your breathing change because he immediately went silent. "Doll? What happened?"

"My God, it’s so stupid…" You squeezed your eyes, not wanting to cry.

"Tell me."

"I’m at the bar. I’m on a date with a guy named John, and he became very persistent. He wants me to go to his place, but It’s- I’m not interested in this. And I can't just leave because I’m afraid that he can follow me and find out where I live… fuck I really don’t know what to do, and I wanted to ask Steve to pick me up." Your phone stayed silent for a few moments, and you already thought that he got tired of your mess and just ended the call. "Bucky?"

"Where are you? What bar? Are you in the restroom?" His voice was low, and you knew that he wasn’t happy with all of this.

"It’s that new place a few blocks away from my crib. With big neon red signs at the top. And I’m in the restroom right now."

"I’ll be there in five. Stay there and don’t open the door until you know it’s me." He said that and ended the call, leaving you nervous and excited at the same time.

The loud knock on the door almost made you jump. Fastly, but quietly, you reached there and tried to listen for any signs of who it could be.

"I hear you. Open the door; it’s me." The familiar voice came from behind the door.

You opened the door and met Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes. He seemed a little bit out of breath, as if he had run here. You quickly scanned his body, and the fact that he was wearing your favorite leather jacket made you weak in the knees. His dark brown locks that curled at the ends almost asked you to touch them. It was not your fault that this idiot always looked ridiculously hot every single time.

"C’mon, let’s get you home, doll." He grabbed your hand, leading you out of the bathroom to the bar, where you immediately saw a clearly annoyed John. You saw that Bucky looked at him too, but he stopped only when you were already on the street and when your bad date ran after you, loudly calling your name.

"Hey! Where the fuck are you going? We were supposed to go to my place! You already found someone else to fuck or what?" He yelled, grabbing your other hand at the same time. You felt Bucky quickly move you behind him while still holding your wrist.

"Don’t fucking touch her. She’s leaving, and if I ever see you near her again, I'll rip your useless hands off. Understood?" Bucky growled, straightening his body. He was obviously bigger than John, who was now less brave. John looked at you for a few seconds as he was thinking about what he should say to you, but then just turned around and left. Apparently, you weren't worth it.

You didn’t know whether it was the cool night air or this whole tense situation that made you tremble. You felt Bucky’s warm body get closer to you, and his large, calloused hand rested on your shoulder. It made you feel a little bit fuzzy because you were trying so hard to hide your little (big) crush on your brother’s best friend. Yeah, it was the biggest cliche, but you couldn’t even blame yourself. He was extremely beautiful, with those blue eyes, rosy lips, and a body that you knew was built like God's. Not to mention that Bucky was sweet and a true gentleman.

"You’re shaking, doll. Wait a second." He started to take off his jacket, and you tried to stop him.

"Bucky, no, what are you doing? You don’t have to; it’s not even that cold!" He just playfully rolled his eyes and still threw a jacket over your shoulders, leaving himself only in the tight black shirt. God, this man.

A sudden wave of his cologne surrounded you. Bucky always smelled good. Something clean with a spicy and woody scent. The leather was still warm from his body, and you fought against the desire to bury your nose in it. You didn't even realize that you actually did it, so when you opened your eyes, you saw Bucky, who had this annoying grin on his face.

"So you like it, huh?" He chuckled.

"Oh, shut up. I didn't want to do that."

"Of course, doll. But we should go, I have to take you home safely, right?" Bucky said, leading you to the parking lot. To a motorcycle.

"A motorcycle?" You asked Bucky as you stepped closer to him. "No, I—where’s your car? I’ve never ridden on one of those." He had already sat there and had two helmets in his hands.

"I left it in the garage and didn’t want to make you wait here for too long. But you don’t have to worry; I know what I'm doing, and I'll take care of you. I promise." You came closer to him and let him put a helmet on you. You really tried not to tremble as his hands gently fixed it under your chin. "Now sit behind me and put your legs here." He pointed at the weird looking thing.

You felt weird as soon as you sat in the passenger seat. Bucky was so close, and you could feel the warmth of his body even if it was cold outside. Where should I put my hands? Hug him? Put it behind me? You awkwardly placed it on your own legs, and Bucky must’ve immediately felt your tense body because you heard a chuckle, and the next moment he grabbed your hands and put it around his waist. "You should put it right here, doll. You don’t wanna fall, do you?"

You slightly shook your head before you placed it on his back. It was really hard to control yourself when your hands were laying on his hard press. For fuck’s sake, he should be perfect everywhere, huh?

"Hold on tight, Darlin'." You heard another deep chuckle, and he finally put his helmet on.

You don't know how long you were driving, but when Bucky finally pulled up outside your apartment building, you felt sad and happy at the same time. The ride was something else. This man almost gave you a heart attack when you stopped at a red light and he put his hand on your bare leg and asked if you were okay.

He’s just being nice, stop overthinking this.

You knew Bucky for only one month, but it was hard not to fall for him. He was an attractive, kind, and really generous man; you knew that he was like a part of Steve's family. Sometimes, when you visited your brother and accidentally met Bucky, for a few seconds you thought that maybe he finds you attractive. You always caught him looking at you.

But you knew this type of guy—always charming and flirting—who could have pretty much anyone. It was stupid of you to think that he saw you as something more than just Steve’s little sister.

"See, I told you that I was a good driver and that you'd get home safely." He hopped off the motorcycle and stood before you while you were trying to take the helmet off. "Let me unlock it."

"Thank you, Bucky." You said when you were finally free. "For this, for the jacket... You were probably very busy, and I just ruined your night by making you take care of me. Oh my god, I’m really sorry. I just wanted to forget about one person, and I thought that going on that stupid date would be a good idea, but it seems like the only thing that men want here is sex." You chuckled and watched to the ground.

"Now listen to me, doll." Bucky suddenly stepped closer to you, and you almost fainted when both of his hands took your face and forced you to look him right in the eyes. "You shouldn’t apologize for calling me. I was just hanging out with the guys from the garage, but as soon as you called me, I left everything because I can’t let you get hurt." He nervously licked his lips, and you hope that he didn’t notice how you stared at this movement. Bucky’s hands left your face and ended up on your upper arms. Did he come closer to me? "I don’t know who you were trying to forget about, but I hope that he or she is worth your time."

"We– we’re not really close. I’m probably not even his type." You shrugged. Bucky’s jaw clenched, and he buried his hands in the jeans pockets, as if he was angry and tried not to show you. As soon as he made a distance between you two, you body started trembling.

"Is it someone from the garage?" His head was a little bit tilted to the side, and you knew that right now he wouldn’t shut up about it until you gave him a name. "Maybe Sam? Or Thor? Many girls like him, you know. Do you like show-offs like Stark? Or…"

"You."

You both were silent.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinking?

"Say it again." Your throat felt dry, and you just stared at him, not knowing what to do.

"I– Just forget about it, Bucky. It’s stupid–"

You weren't able to finish because a soft pair of lips interrupted you. One of Bucky’s hands cupped your face, lifting you up to his level, and another one laid on your waist. He was soft, warm, and gentle when his lips moved on top of yours. Your head was in the clouds, and it felt like your knees became weaker. You wrapped your arms around Bucky’s neck, completely melting into him. He wanted to stay like this forever. Your skin and your lips were so soft, he could smell your perfume and taste your sweet lip gloss. But he knew that he should stop and do it the right way. After a few seconds, he finally pulled away, but he put his forehead on yours, and it was so cozy, like you two were in a bubble.

"I’m sorry. Was this too much? I overstepped?" He licked his lips as if he were trying to get more of your taste. "I have been thinking about asking you out since the day I saw you. I wanted to do it right. To take you on a date, to be the gentleman that you deserve, and maybe get a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night. Sorry. I didn’t even know that you liked me." Bucky wrapped his hands around your waist, and you nuzzled into his neck, enjoying his scent.

"And I didn’t know that you liked me either. I thought that you felt obligated to take care of me because I'm your best friend’s sister."

"No, I promise you." He kissed the top of your head. "But Steve’s gonna kill me, by the way. He told all of us that you’re not an option and that we can’t touch you."

"Well, I love him, but he can’t decide for me."

"So�� Does this mean that you’ll say ‘yes’ if I ask you to go on a date with me? On Sunday, maybe?" You lifted your head to look at him properly, and God, he was so cute when he was nervous.

"Of course, Buck, I wanna go out with you." You smiled at him, and he lowered himself again to give you another sweet kiss on the lips.

"Fuck, you should go home, doll. You’re too sweet for your own good. Wanna keep you all for myself." He mumbled against your lips. "Go."

"Goodnight, Bucky. Please text me when you get home, ‘kay?"

"I will. Goodnight, Doll." You left a soft kiss on his stubbled cheek before finally turning around to go home.

Only at home did you realize that you were still wearing his jacket. At least it was a good excuse for Bucky to see you again sooner. That night, you both ended up texting for hours until you couldn’t keep your eyes open.

Maybe a date with John wasn’t that bad of an idea.

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