#I HOPE THIS IS SOMETHING LAWLS | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ranhaitanisgf · 11 months ago

Note

hi! could i request headcanons or oneshot (either is okay) for bonten timeline sanzu haruchiyo with an excitable, extroverted reader? thank you so much, and no worries if not! (+ also your theme still says rqs are closed, but i saw you posted them being open two hrs ago :3)

pay attention to me!!

synopsis: how would bonten haruchiyo act w/ an excited & extroverted s/o?

☆ a/n ˎˊ˗ idk if yall can tell but ive never written for mr haru lawl ... also !! i added a little mini oneshot cause i couldn't help myself :3 thank you so much for requesting !! this was so cute to write !! i hope everyone enjoysss xoxo

☆ characters ˎˊ˗ sanzu (akashi) haurchiyo x g/n!reader

☆ wc ˎˊ˗ 2.7k+

masterlist

❥ sanzu thinks you’re annoying at first.

❥ he doesn’t notice at all when you first move into his apartment building; he doesn’t take much care in noticing small things like that if it didn’t relate to bonten. his work and mikey were the only important things to him, so when he hears excited squealing seeping through his walls one day, he thinks that his neighbor has a kid, (which quite frankly annoyed him, but he decided he didn’t care enough to do anything about it).

❥ there was no estimated time as to when he would get home--ranging anywhere from 6pm to 4am--so it takes at least a month or two for him to meet you officially. coincidentally, he had been going out to grab a drink from the convenience store when you were excitedly jumping around outside your door, a delivery package in your hands.

“oh! omg, are you sanzu-san?!” “...hah? who’re you?” “oh my gosh, i’ve been knocking on your door everyday for the past month, but you never seemed to be home! i never got to introduce myself to you! i’m (l/n) (y/n)! i moved in not that long ago, so i wanted to get to know my neighbors!” “‘kay. bye.”

❥ the only thing he wants to do is get away from you; he doesn’t want to be bothered with civilians, much less someone as annoying as you seemed to be. seriously, why were you talking so loud?!

❥ much to his displeasure, you followed him all the way to the convenience store, talking his ear off about the most meaningless things he’s ever heard of in his life, (how does somebody talking about nothing for so long?!) as he purchases his drinks and walks back to the apartment building. it takes everything in him not to snap at you; if he did, he would probably wake up all the neighbors from raising his voice, which wouldn’t be ideal since this was already his fifth apartment in the last six months.

❥ he’s unsure how you possibly couldn’t get a hint that he didn’t want to be bothered, especially after he only said a maximum of ten words to you in the whole thirty minutes you were following him around, (are you really that clueless? is this what loneliness does to people?). it does take him by surprise that you aren’t scared of him though; you’d shown absolutely no sign of apprehension despite the scars around his mouth, which he supposes shows a bit of good character from you. not that he really cares.

❥ he’s more than happy to shut the door on your face when he gets back to his apartment, finally indulging in the peace and quiet of his apartment, (he doesn’t think he’s ever been so happy to hear nothing). right when he’s opening his bottle of sake, he hears squealing through the walls. when you start monologuing about whatever you’d received in the mail, he just decides to quit and go to bed.

❥ sanzu isn’t sure how, but you have somehow made it your routine to follow him places whenever you ran into him. he also isn’t sure why he continuously allows you to tag along with him, but as long as it doesn’t affect his work, he doesn’t really care.

❥ you’re always talking about something; the weather, your coworker’s strange behavior the other day, or the stray cat you saw in the alleyway that ran away. there are times when he tunes out your talking and uses it as white noise, but you never seemed to get upset at the fact that he visibly is zoning out.

❥ after a while, he gets used to your constant presence around him, so much so that he finds it strange to not hear your excited yammering while he’s at work, (although he supposes he wouldn’t want to have that constantly in his ear while he’s doing ‘business’ with someone).

❥ the one thing that gets the attention of the rest of the bonten executives is when he suddenly stops going to the clubs, leaving whatever work he had there for during the day when it was barren. it was such a drastic change in behavior; sure, sanzu was never the type to be obsessed with the scantily dressed girls in the club, but he was known for taking some home every once in a while. at the very least, he was known for getting various types of substances from sketchy dealers who frequently attended. what’s even stranger to everyone is the fact that he slowly starts to engage in less substances, (though he still does every once in a while) which is what rings the alarm bells.

“oi, sanzu.” “what do you want, ran? i’m fuckin’ busy.” “well, it can wait. the fuck’s been up with you lately? you’ve been acting weird as shit.” “so?” “so, what the hell’s been up with you?” “none of your goddamn business, that’s what.” “woahh, easy there, man. seriously, somethin’ bothering you?” “i said it’s nothing, so drop it.”

❥ by the time he realizes what he’s been doing, it’s too late for him. you and your talkative self have wiggled their way into his heart, setting up camp to stay for a while. he had a glimpse of a thought of it when ran was confronting him, but he immediately pushed it out of his mind because how could that possibly be true?

❥ it can’t be true, even if he unwillingly likes to think about it now. he can’t let himself think about it; you were one of the most strange yet innocent and pure people he’s ever met, so how could he willingly taint you with someone like himself? no, he wouldn’t let it happen.

❥ and just like that, everything seems to be back to normal for him. he goes to the club even more than he did before, and the amount of substances he uses seems to increase exponentially by the week. he begins to sleep on the couch in his dingy office instead of going home so that he doesn’t run into you, only going home for the bare essentials every couple days, (and even then, he leaves after just a few minutes).

❥ it’s just his luck that he gets out of his car the moment you turn the corner onto the apartment building’s block, seeing him in plain sight as he freezes for a moment. and then he unfreezes because 1.) why is he of all people scared to run into you? he’s a bonten executive, he’s killed people before, so why was his heart beating so fast right now? and 2.) he needs to get away from there. right now.

˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗

“hey!! not so fast, haruchiyo!!” you shout, your steps hastening as you try to catch up with him. sanzu can hear your steps behind him, but his long legs give him the advantage as he quickly ducks into the apartment building, smashing the elevator button and tapping his foot as it decides to be as slow as it possibly can be.

he lets out a ‘tsk!’ sound when he notices you enter the building, promptly looking away from you and looking cooly at the blinker indicating what level the elevator was on, (can this thing move faster?!).

“stop ignoring me!! where have you been?!” you questioned, your voice a mix of worry and anger. “i’ve been knocking on your door everyday with no response!! i know you don’t particularly like me, but you’re the only person who doesn’t walk away from me, so could you at least give me a reason that you suddenly started avoiding me?!”

“...’m not avoiding you.” sanzu doesn’t know what to do right now; he’s never seen you angry like this before. typically, he would care less about the feelings of some random person like you, but for some reason the hurt in your voice makes him unusually unsure of himself.

you scoffed at his lame excuse, rolling your eyes.

“look! you’re trying to avoid me right now with elevator! seriously, can you just tell me what i did? i won’t do it again, i swear! just stop avoiding me!”

“fuck, it’s not you!” sanzu suddenly said, his voice strained. “i’m just busy, okay?! you’re better off being friends with someone else.”

“but you’re already my friend!! why don’t you want to keep talking to me??” sanzu ignored your words, his gaze staring straight ahead at the doors of the elevator, his stare so intense that you could almost think he was trying to open it telepathically. “hey!! can you just answer the damn question already, haruchiyo?!”

“why do you need to know so fuckin’ badly?! i just said i’m busy!!”

“because! i like you!” you yelled, your eyes seeming to get a bit watery. “and i know you don’t like me and that’s fine but i just want to be able to talk to you and see you sometimes, but now you’re always gone and i don’t know when you’re going to come back and it scares me! i just-”

sanzu cut off your words, promptly stepping in front of you and slipping his hand behind your head, slamming his lips into yours. he’s not even sure himself why he did something stupid like this, especially when the whole reason he was avoiding you was because of his own flaws, but he couldn’t help himself when he heard you being so cute and worried over him, (seriously, how was he supposed to resist something like that?).

it obviously took you off guard at first, but sanzu made sure you quickly realized what was going on, his mouth desperately pressing against yours. his kiss was rough but passionate, his lips moving quickly against yours as he pulled you closer to him, his other hand sliding around you to rest on the small of your back, (he’s doing it purely out of instinct; he hasn’t really thought about how he had been avoiding you for this very reason).

a small ding! from the elevator grabs your attention, making you push him off of you as someone comes out from the elevator, glancing at the two of you a bit suspiciously before walking out of the building, leaving both of you in silence.

“uh…wanna go to the convenience store for snacks…?”

˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗

❥ it took a little bit for sanzu to open up to you about anything even a little bit, but once he did, you were able to figure him out pretty quickly, especially when he’d finally decided to be truthful about his actual profession, (bro does not work an office 9-5). due to all of this, it’s easy to tell that sanzu has a lot of issues, but it wasn’t something that you weren’t willing to work through with him!

❥ the two of you are the definition of black cat and golden retriever! you are always excited about everything and are taking him to all the cool and trendy places on dates while he is more quiet, keeping close to your side and watching everything with a careful eye, (especially people he defines as creeps, i.e. people who look at you for more than 0.2 seconds).

❥ date wise, he is usually following your lead. he doesn’t have the slightest clue about what you think it romantic, so it will usually be you planning outings for the two of you. a lot of times he will complain about being tired and not wanting to go out, but don’t worry, he’s completely lying; he just thinks it’s cute when you whine and pull his arm asking him to come out with you.

❥ despite the fact that he is not the most romantic guy, he does a lot of romantic things without realizing. he enjoys sending you your favorite flowers when you’re at work or staying at home while he’s at work, sending cute little notes along with them, (well, you think they are pretty cute).

i think you like these ones. -h be ready by seven. wear something you feel good in. -h sorry i didn’t buy milk. there’s frozen waffles in the freezer. -h

❥ sanzu does a lot of those little things for you too; opening doors for you, pulling chairs out for you, taking things out of your hands when you’re carrying a lot, etc. it doesn’t seem like he’s the type to do things like this, but it’s because he isn’t the type to do it. he only does it for you, and he himself doesn’t even know why he does these things, (he’s head over heels in love with you, but in no universe will he ever actually admit that).

❥ the most protective over you, and a little possessive too. he doesn’t control everything that you do, but he likes to have a clear-cut plan of everything you do on a normal day so that his mind is put at ease, (also so he can known when something is wrong). he won’t tell you this, but he has someone assigned to keeping an eye on your as you go about your day because he’s extremely paranoid that somebody from an opposing gang will try and come after you. he would prefer if he could by your side himself, but it’s the next best option, (he still sends frequent texts and calls you throughout the day to make sure everything is well).

❥ the possessive part of him comes out more when he thinks people are hitting on you, (they really are just being nice; he’s just a little bit crazy…he loves you though!!). he doesn’t hesitate to slide his long arms all around you, letting you continue talking while he makes a deadly eye contact with the person, his face twisted in mild disgust as if he were looking down at a cockroach, (he’s mastered this expression somehow). he knows that you enjoy talking with people so he won’t keep you from doing so, but in the process he will make sure that everybody knows you’re his.

❥ sanzu’s not the most affectionate person there is, but he is affectionate when he wants to be. there are times when he’ll come home and not say a word, just wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head in the crook of your neck, mumbling something about having a terrible day. really, he just becomes a big baby when he’s like that, laying his lanky limbs all over you and claiming that he’s ‘recharging’.

❥ it’s hard to label sanzu as an extrovert/introvert, since it can really depend on what mood he’s in and the situation. he’s more of an introvert in public settings with other people, (he doesn’t know how to interact nicely with people he doesn’t know) but when he’s with a majority of people he knows, he turns into more of an extrovert which matches with your energy quite nicely.

❥ unintentionally, there comes a time when you accidentally get to meet the rest of his coworkers. it happened when they were dropping him back off at home after a night at the club and you’d had to come get him from the car because of how inebriated he was.

“woah, you’re (y/n), huh?” “oh, yes! it’s nice to meet you! you all must work with haru, right? please continue to take good care of him! would you like to come inside for a snack or some water?” “...dude, what the fuck.” “how the hell did he bag someone like that?!”

❥ safe to say, they are all extremely shocked, (they never would have thought that someone like sanzu would be dating someone as sweet and talkative as you). the next day when he gets into work, he’s immediately hounded with all types of questions surrounding you and how the two of you started to date.

“holy shit, is that why you were acting crazy a few months ago?!” “i wasn’t acting fuckin’ crazy?!” “sanzu, you’re the craziest person here, and you started acting normal!! that was crazy!!”

❥ after that, he makes sure that his associates never get to see you again, (“hey, bring your pretty lil thing around sometime!”, “i would rather kill you right now.”).

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saeist · 2 years ago

Text

it's not living if it's not with you ── s. itoshi

synopsis: if it's meant to be, it will be genre: ex2lovers, arranged/fake dating, celebrity!au, pro!au, fluff, angst with happy ending, sharing a bed, 2nd chances, ... word count: 12.3k warnings: reader and sae aged up 22+, implied sex towards the end, reader has a hint of social anxiety/claustrophobia, i think sae is a little ooc in some scenes, lmk if i missed some notes: THERE YOU HAVE IT SAEISTS.. MY 1K SPECIAL!! THIS IS THE SUPER SECRET SAE FIC I'VE BEEN TEASING EVERYONE ABOUT FOR LIKE A WEEK NOW AND IT'S FINALLY IN FRUITION! <3 here's a lil sae brainrot to show my gratitude to you guys ^_^ fellow saeists who also consume an unhealthy(?) amount of sae content...... this fic is also dedicated to the loml my bae aeri @saerins for taking ur time of day to beta-read and to my angel baby sage @invsu as well <33 ilu guys extras: i made a playlist for this bc i am insane like that and without further a do.. sit back, relax and enjoy! lmk what u guys think either in the tags or comments bc i rlly worked hard on this for like a week and i jus couldn't stop writing! talk abt a sae earworm... ++ if u guys find theres a lot of the 1975 references.. its bc i was listening to their songs as i made this lawl .. tmi!

001.

you didn’t really put into consideration how awkward it actually was to be working on a modeling gig with your ex boyfriend.

the pay was obviously really good that’s why you even agreed to book it in the first place, especially since it was for a famous luxury brand and their fragrance line

so imagine your horror when you walk into set and see your ex posing for the cameras.

you silently hoped that it was just his solo shoot and not with you because your manager did mention that you would be having a partner for this photoshoot

the photographer greets you with a hug and compliments your outfit for the shoot. a white, sultry open neckline dress. the theme of the shoot was it was set on the beach with a sunset background

he instructs you to lay on the makeshift sand and tells you to start posing for your solo shots.

after a couple of clicks, the photographer compliments you on your professionalism on set and then calls your ex boyfriend.

“sae! time for the couple shots i told you about” the photographer calls out to sae who was on his makeup chair. your eyes widened in realization that he was, in fact, your partner for today’s shoot

you tried to look at your manager for some help but it was no use. your manager was busy talking to other people on set. you can feel your heart beating faster by the minute as sae walks closer to you

he was wearing something similar to what you were wearing. dress pants and a white oversized unbuttoned polo. his exposed toned abdomen was probably the main highlight of his outfit with it glistening under the studio lights.

you bit your lip and looked away. sae has always been eye candy, there was no denying that. you were surprised yourself when you managed to bag him during his rookie days, but now that he was almost, if not an A list celebrity with his elite status in the world of football, you can almost say that itoshi sae was totally out of your league

you come back to your senses when the photographer claps his hands and muses how you and sae have insane chemistry that he has ever witnessed. you let out a little huff at the comment.

‘if only he knew’ you think to yourself, avoiding sae’s gaze as much as possible

the shoot starts and the photographer instructs sae to hover over you while holding the perfume bottle. sae nods and does what he’s told, he’s a professional after all. he wouldn’t let his personal feelings interfere with his work. that was the golden rule in the industry

you locked eyes with sae for the first time in years. he still had those fiery teal eyes that gets you weak in the knees each time. your eyes slowly dart from his eyes to his lips.

“keep doing that y/n!” the photographer cheers, clicking away on his camera. did you do something in your past life that you would inevitably end up in an awkward situation like this. a situation wherein you and your ex lover, in a position where you two are posing like an actual couple

your eyes flicker back from sae’s lips to his eyes again. for a second there you thought you felt a spark, a connection, an old flame that has been rekindled at that very moment.

til it all comes back to you in a flash

you forgot you hated him. you hate itoshi sae and you could’ve sworn itoshi sae hated you too.

the bitter taste is still in your mouth after all these years. how could you forget the man who broke your little heart in two?

it was childish really. looking back at it now, where you were merely just starting out as a rookie model and sae being the same, a rookie at his profession. just two kids having a similar situation in two whole different industries. it was hard not to get entangled.

you were always known to be sae's long time lover. you were always supportive of his games. present whenever you can, sitting at the exclusive VIP section of the stadiums, wearing his number on your back; and if you weren’t able to attend due to your own schedules, you would still manage to find the time to support him. may it be posting an instagram story that you were watching him on your phone while you were getting your makeup done or wearing his jersey on the day of the game

sae was the same. he would always be seen wearing the stuff from brands you’ve modeled for. from jewelries to exclusive clothing lines, sae would always be seen wearing them, his silent way of showing support in your own craft.

you were proud of him, and he was proud of you too.

but as all things are, good things come and go. even in the most unexpected times.

there were already rumors circulating that you and sae were ready to tie the knot, some news outlets even stating that maybe you two have gone ahead and tied the knot at some island during your secret little rendezvous. (having been caught going to santorini for more than multiple occasions)

the public has always been supportive of your relationship throughout the years. even earning the title as the nation’s sweethearts with how they’ve seen your relationship blossom from puppy love to what they call as “true love”

with the news that the nation’s sweethearts have parted ways, the public was as heartbroken as you.

sae suddenly called it quits after almost five years of dating. it was after he has been taken under the wing of real madrid’s division A where his career as a midfielder really took off. to make matters even worse, he broke it off at the same place he claimed you as his.

since then, you’ve sworn to hate him. you’ve resented him. you felt like all those years that you two have built was nothing. you couldn’t even believe him at first when he spat out the words “we’re over” like it was nothing.

five years, five years worth of unforgettable firsts. five fucking years to unlearn everything.

you were absolutely crushed back then. you even took a hiatus with everything going on in your life. you were a mess. you actually can’t believe sae had no remorse over this. were the five years you were together nothing for him? all those tears you two have shed, the firsts of everything, all those precious memories, were they all nothing?

it hasn’t even been a year or so but it seemed like sae already moved on, which added more salt to your already open wound. he was flourishing with his career while all of this was going on. sae has been photographed multiple times leaving clubs with lipstick stains all over his neck.

it stung of course. seeing him move on with his life as if he didn’t just ruin yours. that very night, you swore to yourself that you will never forgive itoshi sae for what he did.

never again would you open your heart to someone like itoshi sae.

itoshi sae, the man who broke your heart into two.

“earth to y/n?” the photographer snaps his fingers in front of you, breaking your little trance.

you apologize to the photographer, your cheeks heating up at the realization that you really got lost in your thoughts the moment you’ve met eyes with sae.

“as i was saying,” the photographer eyes you and sae, “the shoot is over. well done” he bows, motioning the people behind the scenes to clap for you and sae

almost immediately you stood up from your awkward position from sae. intentionally avoiding his hand that was held out for you to take. (you hate how he was still a gentleman to you, even after all these years)

you look around for your manager and strut towards him.

“we’re leaving. now” you say with no emotion in your voice, even walking farther ahead from your now confused manager.

he takes a look around on what could’ve made you pissed off but sees no one but itoshi sae in the flesh.

“but y/n, itoshi sae is here-” your manager gets cut off when there was a loud slam of a door nearby. he winces when he realizes it was you. he turns around and bows his head at the people on set.

“i apologize for y/n’s actions”

with that, your manager runs after you.

sae could only stare at your direction with mixed feelings. a part of him was relieved that he got to see you again after all these years, yet he doesn’t understand why he was feeling off to find out that you still resented him. i mean, that was what he expected for his own actions all those years ago.

with a click of a tongue, he goes back to his own manager so they can finally go home after a long day.

you don’t even know why you were crying. tears blurring your vision as you try to find the exit out of this damned building.

you harshly wipe your tears, opening the last door to your left. you were met with the harsh, cold air of japan. you weren’t looking where you were going, barely even noticing that someone was by the door til you bumped into them.

the steel floors were making it hard to walk in your heels. so when you bumped into the said stranger, you lost your balance.

the stranger had quick reflexes. they immediately caught you by your waist and your hands flew to their chest to keep yourself steady. you looked up at the stranger to apologize only to meet eyes again with the same teal eyes that belonged to no one other than sae fucking itoshi

you don’t know how long you two have been in this position until you see a bright flash in your peripheral vision.

you have just been papped by paparazzi with your ex boyfriend and sworn enemy, itoshi sae.

002.

the headlines in both social media, news outlets and the such were exactly how you expected it.

it was crazy.

the general public going wild, thinking that the once famed couple were now back together after how many years.

your phone was blowing up with emails upon emails. calls from friends and relatives to confirm the news themselves that you’ve been seeing sae again. you look at your manager beside you apologetically as he receives another phone call from what you think is another e-news outlet asking if the rumors circulating were true.

you have been summoned by your company for an emergency meeting as the whole situation was getting out of hand.

that was when you realize how big of a name itoshi sae was after all these years of blocking his name on twitter.

your PR team is currently a mess. they are currently working their asses off to put out a good story for your sudden reunion with the famed midfielder.

“how many times do i have to tell you to be careful being papped after a shoot?” the head of your PR team, pinches the bridge of their nose. clearly this wasn’t the first time around

“i was!” you defend yourself, “i didn’t even know it was him til i looked up..” you murmured

your manager facepalms at your response. how did you not know it was sae?

“so what i’m getting here..” the head puts their glasses on the table, “you didn’t “know” that it was the itoshi sae, your partner for this specific photoshoot, the famed midfielder of real madrid, itoshi sae?” they quote, looking at you like you just grew another head

you nod in content, “exactly” you grin, putting your thumbs up. in hopes it raises the mood. (it doesn’t, unfortunately)

“y/n, i hope you know this isn’t just something we can brush under the rug. this is not the same situation with yukimiya kenyu where you two were caught being cozy in his car”

“yuki was literally just driving me home! and we’re close friends!” you defend yourself, yet again.

“exactly! yukimiya is a close friend! while itoshi sae is not. that’s why this is such a big deal!”

you slump back to your seat. okay, maybe they were right. this was a lot harder to get around with especially since the public knows about your past relationship.

“luckily for you, we have talked things out with itoshi sae’s management,” it was your manager’s turn to talk. he stands up from the seat beside you and walks over to your PR team’s head. they exchange glances before nodding.

“we have come up with a way that this whole issue will be over soon” your manager starts.

as if on cue, the doors of the meeting room suddenly open. you take a look on who could be entering this sacred room this late. surely it couldn’t be more of your PR team as they were all already present in the room.

there stood with their hand still on the doorknob is no one other than sae, with his manager right behind him.

your jaw drops as you put two and two together.

you whipped your head towards your manager and the head of your PR team in both horror and disbelief.

no, it can’t be…

“you two will now be in an arranged relationship for the meanwhile. until your situation dies down” sae’s manager finishes, taking a seat next to sae, who took the seat next to you.

you could see your manager squeeze his eyes shut, knowing where this is going. you were about to have a fit right here right now.

“WHAT?!” you let out a loud scream. the whole floor probably heard you.

sae also winces at how ear-piercing your scream was.

you abruptly stood up from your seat, snatching your purse from the table and stomped out of the meeting room. not forgetting to slam the door shut on the way out.

immediately you called up your two closest friends, reo and yukimiya to meet you at your apartment ASAP.

003.

“so you’re telling me– us,” yukimiya pauses, looking between you, who has mascara running down your cheeks and reo, who was busy rubbing circles on your back as he hands you another tissue for you to blow your nose on, “that you are going to be in an arranged relationship with your ex, itoshi sae.. am i getting that right?” yukimiya confirms, waiting for your response

you nod before blowing your nose and throwing the now used tissue on the rising pile of tissues behind you.

“this is the worst day of my fucking life” you cried out, reaching out to reo to cry on his shoulders.

“oh, y/n” reo sighs, pulling you into his embrace as you cry your eyes out.

you pull away from reo’s embrace, “i mean, why him, why now?!” you rambled, words getting choked up.

both reo and yukimiya could only frown. after all, even with their power, money and status, there was nothing they could do to help with your situation.

your doorbell suddenly rings, catching all three of you in surprise. who could be at your door right now?

yukimiya took the initiative of opening the door, only to be met with the eyes of the itoshi sae. barely noticing your manager behind him.

sae raises his eyebrow at the man in front of him. who was he and why was he at your apartment?

“yukimiya-san! i didn’t know you were over..” your manager sheepishly greets yuki, trying to break the growing tension between him and sae.

“who’s out there, yuki?” you croak out, trying to take a peek at the door from reo’s shoulders.

“it’s me, y/n” you hear your manager call out. you look at reo in confusion. what was your manager doing here?

gradually, you slowly stood up from your kitchen island and walked over to your front door.

now, you just expected a scolding from your manager from your little fit back at the company, that’s why he was at your place or so you thought. what you didn’t expect that you’d see itoshi sae again but this time, in your own space.

“have you lost your fucking mind?” you shot a look at your manager, who only winces as a response.

“y/n- i can explain-“

“i made him take me here” sae speaks up for the first time. you felt your breath hitched. it’s been so long since you last talked to him, let alone heard him speak. (you’ve done everything you can and blocked every single thing related to sae. that meant interviews, news articles, you name it, you had his name and everything blocked and muted)

sae invites himself inside your apartment with your manager following suit as you stand there at your front door, stunned.

reo is equally as shocked as you are when he sees itoshi sae casually walk to your living room as if it was his. before reo could open his mouth to say something, you come running in, fuming.

“who the fuck told you you can come inside MY house” you spat. your attitude turning a whole 180.

sae only raises an eyebrow at you. “our team” he casually says. he then looks at your manager and cocks his head towards your direction. like he was trying to get your manager to tell you something.

“what now?!” this time it was your manager’s turn to get yelled at by you. he winces again before checking for something in his ipad.

“since you um.. walked out at our meeting earlier today… both managements has come to terms that you and itoshi sae would be living together for the meantime”

silence fills the room, the entire apartment if we were being honest

your vision goes dark, the next thing you know and you black out.

as you slowly regain your consciousness, you hear some people talking. well, to you it sounded like they were slurring because you couldn’t really comprehend what they were saying. slowly, you open your eyes. the first person you see is a frantic reo who seemed to be fanning your face with yukimiya holding your hand

“where am i?” you grunt, feeling some dull ache on the back of your head and lower back.

“you fainted” sae points out. staring at you who was on the ground. you sat up and stared at sae, wide eyed. “what the hell is he still doing here?!” you ask in distraught. you thought everything prior to this was all just a fever dream, or a nightmare as you’d like to call it

your manager, who was getting you a glass of water comes running to your aid. he crouches and tells you to drink up- to which you do.

“we were discussing your current situation with itoshi sae until you fainted… ” your manager starts, you choke on your water after hearing those words but thankfully didn’t start a coughing fit. you motioned your manager to continue so that you’d finally hear the end of this dreadful moment

your manager's eyes flicker between you and sae, “we’ve come up with an agreement that until the time being, itoshi sae would be living with you and you’d market yourselves as a couple. sae has already consented and agreed with the contract and your PR team as well…” he finishes, clutching his ipad close to his chest

reo, who was listening intently, felt like it was unfair for you to be in this type of situation regardless if it was an order from your company

“isn’t unfair for y/n though? she herself didn’t consent to this contract right? doesn’t this violate her own rights of code of ethics?” reo interferes, giving your manager a look. you look at reo and smiled. maybe you’ll ask him to contact the finest lawyers of japan that he knows after this

your manager was about to speak up but sae beat him to it.

“i was the one who suggested this whole setup, not their company. so technically, this isn’t “violating y/n’s rights of code of ethics” as it’s not even printed on a contract because simply, there is no contract” sae states, mocking reo’s tone of voice, giving him a side eye before turning his attention back to you.

this time it was yukimiya who steps in. he turns to sae with his eyebrows raised. “isn’t there another way to get around this? not just by your means?” yukimiya pauses, pushing his glasses up, “i mean, why does it have to be like this where you’ll live with y/n for an issue that could be squashed with just a single article denying your relationship or involvement with y/n?”

sae sits up straight, staring yukimiya down with an icy stare. “this doesn’t concern you”

yukimiya and reo both stand up, “actually it does. y/n is our friend” reo hisses, glaring at the red head who merely just yawns and rolls his eyes.

was sae even taking this seriously?

sae sighs, a bored expression on his face. “this is matters between me and y/n only”

finally having enough of his bullshit, you got up from the ground and walked in front of sae.

“what exactly are you planning, itoshi sae?” you narrow your eyes at him. this was the first time in years you’ve looked at him. you note how appearance wise, he hasn’t changed one bit.

sae chuckles a bit, catching you by surprise. what’s so funny?

“drop the formalities, y/n. you know me better than everyone else in this room” he scoffs, eyeing you from head to toe.

sae won’t lie. he thinks you were still beautiful the day he left you. to him, you were always the prettiest in the room and from the way his heart raced after seeing you for the first time again in years, he knows himself that thought stayed the same.

he watches your eyes soften for a second before it goes back to your signature glare.

“actually, I don't,” you say dryly, crossing your arms. “so, tell me. what exactly are you gonna get out of this?”

sae sighs. he doesn’t know himself either but he wasn’t just about to say that out loud. he doesn’t know what got into him all of a sudden. was it because he was curious about how you were doing? was he intrigued? did he somehow miss you all of a sudden because he saw you again?

a part of him always longed for you even after you two have gone your own separate ways. it was hard not to, considering you have spent a chunk of your lives together. not to mention, you two grew up with each other and built blossoming careers together hand in hand.

it was only until he finally got recruited for division a of real madrid where he thought it would be best if you guys would stop what you have in order to be the best version of himself— wrong.

he realized he fucked up that maybe that wasn’t the best option when he realized he needed you more than ever. you were his best support system. you were always there with him during the hardest times holding his hand but it was already too late. the damage had been done and it was irreversible.

the day he broke up with you, or the day he fucked up everything was also the last time he ever saw or heard from you ever again.

sae tried. he tried and tried and tried to reach out to you. he tried searching for your socials, your contact information, literally everything he can get his hands on. but even with his power and money in the world, it was still not enough to find you.

the only updates he had of you was the ads that were plastered all around social media and in the busy shopping districts of the cities he’s in. it was almost like a constant reminder of what he lost.

so shocked was an understatement when you were his partner for the commercial shoot his manager had booked him for some random luxury brand.

after all those years, he found you again.

to say the stars were on his side when you two got papped by the paparazzi is a bit selfish on sae’s end. as much as he fucking despises the paparazzi as they tend to ruin things for him, he’s quite glad that for once that they did something right.

they brought you back to him.

so sae couldn’t just let this opportunity of a lifetime slide. even if this so called “scandal” could easily just be cleared out with a simple denying of such rumor. but sae couldn’t just let this end like that.

he wants to fix everything he broke. sae wants another chance.

“this is pointless” you deadpan, after waiting for sae to speak. he was just sitting there, staring right back at you for god knows how long that you begin to become conscious.

sae looked like he just snapped out of his train of thought as he shook his head before clearing his throat.

“it’s a win-win situation for both of us” sae blurts, “you get more publicity out of this–”

yukimiya and reo both looked at him like he was crazy.

“excuse you— with or without you, y/n is already famous. hell, you don’t even know how many brands are waiting for her to reach back at them!”

“do you live under a rock or something? how do you not know y/n is one of the, if not the number one top model of the country?”

you were secretly thankful that you called both yukimiya and reo beforehand. not only you got an ego boost, but it gave sae a taste of your own reality that you are where you are now because he left you

a small smirk tugs on your lips when sae frowns. you watch him chew his bottom lip, a telltale sign that he was thinking of something to save his ass

“well, if you aren’t gonna get something out of this.. i have” you say, catching everyone’s attention, including your own manager.

your manager looks at you with his head tilted to the side. mouthing “what do you mean?”

“i’ll only agree to this if after this whole scandal is over, i don’t ever want to see you again” you propose to sae. it was only fair for it to end like this as one, he was the one who suggested this idea in the first place. two, you can never be too complacent with sae who apparently has no motive regarding this. this was sae we’re talking about, he’s bound to plot something and three, you can finally find the answers you’ve been yearning for after all these years. might as well use this as an opportunity to get your well deserved closure.

there was a glint of hope in sae’s eyes.

��deal”

you hear yukimiya and reo yell a bunch of lines like “seriously y/n?” but all you can focus on is sae who’s also looking right back at you.

your manager claps his hands in joy, immediately dialing your company about your decision. sae takes this time to call his own manager to probably tell him to bring his stuff in.

did you make the right decision? you’re not too sure. only time can tell.

004.

today was the first day of you officially “dating” sae again.

also the first day of living with sae, for the meantime

just a little after you’ve come to an agreement with sae with the set up of your rekindled “relationship”, both managements didn’t waste a single second on confirming the news that the nation’s sweethearts have gone back together

needless to say, both of your names are trending and is the current talk of the town

so your first agenda (from both PR teams) is that you both post strikingly similar instagram stories as if you were together the night prior. (in which, you two were.. force binded by a non-existent contract)

it was a good thing that you chose an apartment that had a spare guest room because god forbid you’d even dare to sleep in the same bed with your ex.

you didn’t give sae a warning that you were already gonna post something. just a quick snap of your window, that holds the view of shibuya, with a little sunlight peeking through. you captioned it with a little “good morning indeed” with a cheeky emoji just to spice things up.

sae, who was in the next room, was casually scrolling through instagram when he sees that you posted a new instagram story. he clicks his tongue in annoyance at the fact you didn’t even give him a heads up. quickly improvising, he took a mirror selfie from the vanity mirror that you have around in your guest bedroom.

you started your day with making your own breakfast. not even bothering to call sae. hell, he can starve for all you care. after all, he was not your responsibility. you only agreed to do this because frankly you had no other choice from your company.

while waiting for your eggs, it didn’t take you a while to also notice that sae already posted his part of the agenda. thinking of it as nothing, you innocently clicked on his profile. his story loads and wow. resonating with your caption, good morning indeed!

sae posted a shirtless mirror selfie. he was still under the covers but made sure his torso was seen on the mirror.

“take a screenshot, it’d last longer” sae says flatly, moving past you to your fridge. you jolt in surprise, almost dropping your phone in the process. “what the fuck!” you yell out, a hand over your chest.

you hear sae chuckling behind you and the fridge opening

“you got all that money stocked up somewhere and yet you don’t even have groceries?” sae comments, noting your almost empty fridge. there were only some milk boxes and some of those edible collagen jellies that help you with swelling when you have early morning shoots and the such.

sae takes the last chocolate milk box you had that was hidden away at the back of your fridge

“well, my manager does it for me and i usually eat at reo’s or yukimiya’s– is that the last of my milk?!” you pried your eyes off your phone to see sae casually sipping on the last milk box you were saving

“so?”

“that’s mine” you argued, getting up from the kitchen island to snatch it from sae. you stomp over to him and tried to swipe it off his hands. unfortunately for you, sae is an athlete and that meant he had reflexes like no other. he raises his arm high just before you were able to grab the milk box from him.

“sae, give it back” you grit your teeth, standing on your tippy toes, trying or attempting to take the milk box from sae’s hold but the height difference is just something else.

sae leans down and gets all over your face. “come on, you can do it,” he teases, eyes fixated on yours.

this feeling almost felt too familiar. almost like a wave of nostalgia just hit you in the face. the memories you’ve been trying to suppress all coming back

you snapped out of your little trance when you realized the position you two were in.

“my eggs are burning” you lie, leaving sae dumbfounded. you scurry off to your stove to finish what you were cooking while sae goes and sits on your kitchen island.

he watches you plate your breakfast and sit on the other end of the kitchen island. you actually felt him staring but chose to ignore him. the sound of his stomach grumbling breaks the awkward silence.

“where’s my breakfast?” he asks, voice small

you shrug, “i don’t know”

“you didn’t make me one?”

“why will i?” you raise a brow, happily munching on your bacon while sae could only look at you in disbelief.

later that day you two had your own schedules. he had practice and other stuff to do while you had another meeting about different commercial offers and a lunch date with reo and yukimiya just like you promised the two.

you got home later than sae. you were about to grab some water from the fridge when you notice that it was fully stocked with groceries. you can’t help but smile a little at the gesture.

you did your usual night routine before getting comfy in bed. just before you were about to hit the hay, you don’t forget to send sae a quick message, thanking him for the groceries.

[11:43] you: thanks for doing the groceries ig

[11:44] sae: i couldn’t just let myself starve here, can i?

you rolled your eyes at his reply. he’s still so sarcastic even after all these years

[11:45] you: whatever 🙄

[11:46] sae: i also restocked that milk you love so much. call it truce from earlier today

[11:46] you: who told you it was my favorite? 🤨

[11:47] sae: gut feeling, call it old habit

you raised a brow at his text. what did he mean by that? before you could type your reply, your phone notifies you that sae sent another message

[11:49] sae: jk. your manager told me

you didn’t realize you were holding in your breath. you let out a sigh of relief after reading his message. you were not gonna let him get under your skin. not anymore

you ended up not replying to him. instead, you shut your phone off to reflect on today’s events, hoping that this all ends soon. your phone suddenly dings again. it was a notification from sae.

[11:55] sae: i’m going to sleep now. goodnight, y/n

it’s officially been a week of living with sae and pretending to be a couple in front of the cameras and the public. to think you’d even last this long is an understandment on it’s own.

for this day, both managements wanted you two to be seen out and about in public doing whatever you two wished to do.

you were debating on what you two should do that won’t involve much physical contact like going out for shopping because that only meant that you two would be forced to hold hands which is something you don’t want to do for obvious reasons. you’d rather die than to be papped with sae holding hands

“what do you want to do today?” sae asks from the couch. you two were already all dressed up. intentionally matching your outits just for the sake of it. sae was wearing a maroon turtleneck with holes in them with a white long sleeve shirt underneath and some track pants? you don't question his outfit much further because why would you exert the effort to do so?

you were wearing something similar. a maroon crop top with some leggings to match the laid back outfit of your fake boyfriend.

“what can we do without much physical contact?” you pondered, a finger tapping on your chin. sae scoffs at your question, mumbling about what’s wrong with physical contact with him. you almost wanted to tell him “everything” but that would just start another argument today

“how about we get some coffee?” sae offers, unable to think of more activities to do in such short notice. you hum in agreement, coffee does sound good right now. you get up from the couch and grab the keys to your car

“what are you doing?” sae asked. you stop in your tracks and hold out your keys for him to see. “we’re taking my car” sae says, showing off his.

not putting up much of a fight, you agreed. it was getting tiring driving yourself around anyway.

you two arrive at the coffee shop sae graciously let you choose in no time (by graciously, he meant that he’s good with anything you choose) you then decide on sitting by the window where you know the paparazzi will be in front at in no time to capture this date between rekindled lovers

you sit at your chosen table by the window while you wait for sae to order something for the both of you. telling him that you’re okay with whatever since this cafe was your favorite.

it didn’t take sae that long to come back with your orders. he sets the tray down and you find an abundance of sweets and pastries. you look up at him confused but he simply shrugs. he then places your drink down. you take the receipt that was hanging off the tray to read everything he has ordered.

looks like he ordered everything on the menu with the sweets and pastries, which is not surprising really. when you read what he got you however,

“you ordered me a spanish latte?” you ask, taking the drink from the table.

sae nods, taking a sip from his own drink. “something wrong?”

you shake your head no. you just can’t wrap your head at the fact he ordered your usual go-to drink.

“nothing, it’s just i'm surprised that you still remember what i usually order in coffee shops” you shrug, finally sipping on your drink. spanish lattes does always hit the spot for you

“do you think i have forgotten?” sae raises a brow, a slight frown forming on his lips. you rolled your eyes at his comment.

“well, it’s been a while, don’t you think?” you retort, avoiding his hard stare. technically, it’s been almost two years since the breakup. one of you were bound to forget each other’s habits and the such.

there was silence again after that. an awkward one at that

“let’s take our post now so we can leave” you say, taking pictures of the food in front of you while keeping sae in the frame. sae simply nods and does the same. the photo you decided to post was mostly all the food sae ordered with him in the background. you purposely cut off his head just for the thrill of it. you do tag sae in the instagram story though with the caption “coffee run”

sae’s post was a bit different. he simply posted a candid shot of you taking pictures of the food in front of you. for captions, sae isn’t much of a caption person because he thinks they defeat the purpose of photos so instead he just adds a heart emoji with your username next to it.

it didn’t take much for the paparazzi to find your whereabouts. just like planned, they were outside the window you two were seated in taking photos after photos.

“do we go now?” sae asks, eyeing the amount of people that were outside the cafe.

“yeah..” you trail off, not really expecting a whole crowd to form outside. sae must've sensed that you were tensed with the way he stands next to you when you two were leaving the coffee shop

the moment you two step foot outside, it was an absolute frenzy. the press were everywhere on your faces. asking questions from all sorts of directions that it actually made you dizzy.

you were never one for crowded crowds. especially when they topple over each other just to take the perfect photo or get an exclusive. it was just never your cup of tea

you covered your eyes from the bright flashes that were all over your face, trying to maneuver around the paparazzi to get to sae’s car faster but the paparazzi was too much for you to handle. you instinctively leaned on sae for support as your legs start to feel wobbly. sae immediately catches on and wraps an arm around your waist securely, pushing forward against the hoarde of people in front of you guys

“get out of the fucking way!” sae barks, pushing the people in front of your faces. the group of paparazzi do make way for you guys as you finally reach sae’s car.

sae unlocks the car and opens the passenger door for you to enter first. he shields any possible camera that was trying to capture your face with his body. even going as far as pushing them away making some of the paparazzi stumble and fall on their asses.

once you were secured in your seat, he runs over to his side of the car and starts the car before speeding off. not wasting a single second for some short interview.

“you okay?” sae steals a glance at your slumped state, before turning his attention back to the road in front of him.

“... yeah, just dizzy” you say meekly, rubbing your temples. “i’m gonna rest my eyes for a bit, sae” you murmur, leaning against the window before drifting off to sleep.

sae sighs and speeds up faster so you two could get home sooner. ‘damn paparazzi’ he thinks to himself, not noticing how his knuckles have turned white with how hard he was gripping the steering wheel.

the car comes to a halt when the traffic lights beam red. sae couldn’t help but look at your state. he always knew you were bad with crowds but yet you still fulfilled your lifelong dream to be a model. he wonders who took care of you during flash mobs when you were out in the streets.

was it your manager? was it that reo guy? or was it yukimiya aka that person he doesn’t really like. sae hates how close you are with him. sae will also never forget your scandal with him. he can still remember it like it was yesterday when the news dropped that you may or may not be in a relationship with your fellow model yukimiya kenyu after being papped being cozy inside his car.

practice was hell that day for real madrid and sae may or may not have punctured a soccer ball out of pure rage.

the damned light finally turns green and thankfully you were at the last street before the turn to your apartment complex.

sae parks the car and turns to take a good look at your sleeping figure. you look too peaceful to wake up. so he gets out of the car and goes to your side to pick you up bridal style.

he gently puts one of your arms around his neck (for safe measure) and loops his under your knees to carry you. with the help of the security guards around, he presses the elevator up to your penthouse suite.

for once in his life, sae is thankful that he was an athlete as he successfully tapped in your passcode to unlock your front door with you in his arms. when he reaches your bedroom, he gently sets you down on your bed.

sae was about to leave to make some dinner just before you wake up but was stopped by your hand reaching for his.

“stay..” you mumbled, tugging his arm. sae hesitates for a bit, unsure if you were actually conscious or was just sleep talking. sae watches your eyebrows furrow when you notice he still wasn’t beside you. clicking your tongue in annoyance, you tug on sae’s arm harder so he gets the hint

“okay, okay” sae hums, slowly getting in your bed. he’s unsure himself on what he should do. should he stay still, wrap an arm around you, what?

to his surprise, you were snuggling next to him. your head nestling to his chest. sae lets out a small gasp. he definitely didn’t see this coming.

coming to a realization that no harm would be done if he wraps an arm around you, he slowly drapes his arm over your waist. sae suddenly feels like he was on top of the world, like everything suddenly made sense to sae.

sae caresses your cheek, brushing the stray hairs from your face.

“you still look beautiful the day i lost you..” sae whispers. he debates on stealing a kiss. he weighs out the pros and the cons and figures that it was more of a liability if you ever find out he stole a kiss from you, especially when you were asleep. that’s gonna have to be for another time.

sae was beginning to feel sleepy. he carefully drapes the duvet across your bodies. not even a moment later, sae is now fast asleep with you in his arms

you find yourself plush against something hard and warm. you try tossing to the other side but you were being held securely around your waist. your eyes shot up, now fully awake and aware of your surroundings.

“good morning” sae rasps, his morning voice sending shivers down your spine.

“what are you doing in my bed?” you whisper-yelled, actually genuinely surprised to see him next to you. your heart was racing, like it was about to jump out of your chest. did something happened yesterday? you couldn’t quite remember everything after leaving the coffee shop. it almost felt like a hazy dream

sae reluctantly unwraps his arm around you and scoots to the edge of the bed. you almost pout at the warmth that disappears but you internally scold yourself for thinking of such things.

“you passed out in the car and i brought you here” sae explains, now sitting up. “i’ll go make breakfast. stay put” he pats your leg before excusing himself to leave your bedroom. you lay there confused because that wasn’t enough to explain why he was quite literally sleeping next to you.

just the mere fact that you slept next to him sent you into a frenzy. you grab your phone and immediately dialed reo

“hello?” reo answers groggily, you checked your phone for the time and it was literally 8 in the morning.

“reo!” you hushed, trying not to catch the attention of sae “something happened yesterday!”

“what?”

“we slept together…?” your voice going up an octave, chewing on your lip as you await for reo’s reaction

a beat of silence passes by. you thought reo may have accidentally ended the call

“YOU DID WHAT?!” reo basically screams at your ear. you had to remove your phone from your ear from the impact of reo’s shrill scream. “DON’T TELL ME YOU GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM IN JUST A WEEK’S NOTICE—”

“NOT IN THAT WAY, DIPSHIT” you say abruptly, cutting reo off. “i mean like.. we just slept in the same bed after yesterday’s turn of events…” you trail off, trying to remember every significant detail that eventually lead up to you and sae ultimately sleeping with each other.

“my guess is with the paparazzi. i just saw the photos” reo says, typing away on his keyboard. “not gonna lie y/n, you and sae do make a good couple” he adds, giggling

you huff over the phone, earning a hefty laugh from the other end.

“talk to him. clearly you need it” reo advices. it was like he knows where this was going. “ i gotta go for now, y/n. i’ll call you back later. duty calls. ciao!” reo ends the call before you could even say something.

you threw your phone on the other side of the bed, groaning as you put your head in your hands. what was happening to you

there was a faint knock on your door, probably sae was gonna tell you that breakfast was ready but to your surprise, he brought the breakfast to you.. in bed.

sae walks in with a little bed tray that you didn’t even know you owned filled with some breakfast.

“was all this necessary?” you say in disbelief. sae simply shrugs and sits by the foot of your bed.

“i contacted your manager about your state and he says he’ll be coming over to check up on you later” he notes, typing away on his phone with one hand. sae turns to you and motions for you to start digging in. “c’mon, eat up”

you feel your face heat up at his extravagant gestures. he was a man of service after all. even during your relationship, sae wasn’t the type to be vocal about his love for you. it was mostly through actions may it be subtle or not. you can feel the love with the way he does everything for you.

with a small smile, you start to eat the breakfast he made.

“sae,” you call. he looks up from his phone, a confused look on his face.

“need something?”

“come here” you motioned for him to scoot closer to you. to which he happily obliges. he is now sitting right in front of you.

he watches you cut a piece of your pancake and stabbed it with your fork before holding it up for him.

“here,” you say sheepishly, not even looking at sae in the eye. sae looked at you like you just lost your mind.

“can’t let you not eat your own cooking..” you mumbled, feeling your face burn in both embarrassment or something you can’t pinpoint. with a chuckle, he takes the fork from you. unintentionally brushing your hands together.

in an instant, you snatch your hand back as he quietly eats the pancake you’ve given him.

things are changing between you and sae and you’re not sure if you like it.

005.

it’s been a few days since the whole ordeal with you and sae in bed together. your management gave you guys a few days off just to keep things at bay with the paparazzi after the whole fiasco of you almost fainting because of the sea of paparazzi outside trying to take photos.

your manager did end up checking up on you that day just like sae has mentioned. you told him off that you were fine and just needed more resting before you can resume with your work. he reluctantly agrees and goes ahead and reports your status with your company.

reo and yukimiya also came over for the past few days. just to check things up with you after your pictures were published for the public. you had a talk with your two closest friends about your current situation with sae.

yukimiya was a bit unsure for you while reo advised that they’ll be there with you for every decision you make. he also opted that you two should have an open forum about each other’s whereabouts since the break up. clearly you still had unanswered questions.

sae was out again for his daily practice. although he did tell you that he’d be back around the afternoon.

you take this opportunity of being alone to actually think about everything for the past week.

this few weeks has been a whole rollercoaster. not only you’ve been reunited with your ex, you had to be in a “fake” relationship with him again for the media, and now it’s like you and sae were back to your old routines all those years ago.

a part of you does miss being able to call sae as yours, not just for the sake of the cameras but just because you really do love him and you want to be with him, but this time for real. yet, another part of you is scared that maybe there’s a catch to this. maybe in the end sae was just using you for his own sake.

you made a promise to yourself that you were not gonna have him play with your heart like that anymore. not again, never again.

but here you are, willing to take the same risk again. the things you are willing to do just to call him yours.

because at the end of the day, it will always be itoshi sae.

no one else has your heart the way sae has it.

you barely notice that sae has arrived back from practice til he was waving a hand in front of your face.

“y/n” he jabs a finger at the side of your head, an amused look on his face. “what are you thinking about?” sae hums, plopping down on the couch next to you.

“nothing much, just about life”you hissed, clutching the spot he just poked you. you leaned back on the couch, stealing a glance at sae but you made eye contact instead. immediately you looked away, feeling your cheeks heat up.

sae snickers next to you, a small smile on his face as he takes a good look at you.

“having a midlife crisis at your young age?” sae pokes your sides making you jump. you let out a little yelp, causing sae to smirk.

“don’t even think about it sae itoshi— AH!” you hold your hands out in defense mode. you know that devilish look on sae’s face. sae’s fingers reach your sides before you could even finish your menacing (not) threat.

your laughter fills the living room.

oh how sae missed this. how he missed coming home from practice and to have you wait for him. how sae missed you.

sae stops tickling you to let you catch your breath. barely even noticing the position you two were in. he was on top of you, hands on each side of your head. your cheeks painted red, chest rising rapidly as you try to control your breathing.

“can i kiss–”

the front door slams open to reveal reo and yukimiya in tow with some food.

“y/n! we brought you some food!” reo happily chirps, setting the food down on your kitchen counter. sae’s eyes immediately widen and rushes to get off of you. he stumbles and falls on the floor, just right in front of reo’s feet.

reo and sae make eye contact. reo awkwardly smiles at the now embarrassed sae.

but sae being sae, he brushed it off like he was in the middle of push ups.

“... and 50. 50 push ups done” sae puffs, pushing himself off the ground, pretending to wipe the non existent sweat on his forehead and ushers away to his room. not missing reo’s comment before he slams the door shut.

“i’m gonna just pretend i didn’t see you fall right in front of me” reo cackles, wiping a tear from his eye. “anyway y/n, we got you some food. i forgot that athlete was living with you sooo.. it’s up to you to give his share” reo shows you the amount of food he just got you.

yukimiya giggles behind him. he pulls reo to the side before giving you his infamous smirk

“reo, we gotta go now” yukimiya smiles slyly at you. he takes a good look at your ruffled shirt, flushed cheeks and messy hair.

“what? we just got here!” reo complains, looking back at yukimiya, who points out your current state. he then whispers something to reo that you obviously can’t hear. you stand there with your arms crossed, eyebrows raised as you wait for your two best friends to fill you in

“i’m literally right here” you rolled your eyes.

“oh!” reo gasps, eyes wide as he seems to put two and two together. he covers his mouth like he just witnessed something scandalous.

you were about to open your mouth to say protest against what allegations yukimiya has of you but both reo and yukimiya bolt out the door. yelling about how they were sorry for disturbing something while cackling.

“those bitches..” you muttered, shaking your head. you walk over to the kitchen to go through what reo just got you. of course it was his favorite steak with some side dishes.

“are they gone?” you hear sae call out from his room, his head poking out the door.

you laugh, “yeah. you can come out now”

you hear the door open and sae comes walking in the kitchen with nothing but sweatpants. you let out a squeak as your hands fly to your eyes, covering them from seeing sae’s half naked body.

sae scoffs at your reaction. “you’re acting like you aren’t used to it”

“was used to it” you correct him. sae’s mood drops a bit. you awkwardly fiddle with the hem of the plastic. taking out the plastic containers to at least lift up the now sour atmosphere.

sae looks at the meals you’ve settled down on the counter. “from reo?” he asks, going ahead and taking out some chopsticks.

he must be starving from coming home after practice.

you slid the plastic container that held reo’s favorite steak to sae. his eye widens and shakes his head. he pushes it back to you. it becomes a silent tug of war. sae ended up losing because you were starting to get upset and he can tell by the way your lips are jutted out and you were pushing harder, causing some of the sauce to spill out.

“okay, damn..” sae mutters, accepting his defeat. you let out a victory cheer by dancing a little in your seat. sae couldn’t help but smile. now here you were, watching him chomp down the food reo initially got for you.

“let’s head out somewhere” sae says, poking you with his chopsticks. you swat his hands away as you scowl at him. going out all of a sudden after he just ate?

“where are we going?”

“places”

you look up at him unsure. you didn’t really want to go anywhere this week knowing that paparazzi might be up on your asses again. you weren’t gonna risk your health again for just some dumb post

“but we’re on break with posting though” you protest. was sae really serious about heading out?

sae pouts and looks at you with pleading eyes. something he only pulls when he really wants to do something or get his way. something you couldn’t resist. you guessed old habits really die hard

“please?”

you avert your gaze elsewhere because those teal eyes are only trouble for you. you hear sae sigh beside you and you realized that was your last straw.

“fine”

you look back at sae who had a small smile on his face. his face screaming “i know you still can’t resist me” and quite frankly you wanted to punch the living daylights out of his smug face.

“i’m not gonna get dressed up or anything though. just a hoodie and a hat to keep our identities hidden” you say, getting up from the barstool to head over to your room to get an oversized hoodie and your hat.

“wasn’t counting on it” sae says, humming to himself that he got you to agree.

it didn’t take long for you guys to get moving. you two were now on your way to wherever sae was taking you. even if you kept asking where you two were going, sae simply shushes you and tells you to just sit back and relax

you were leaning towards the window, watching the city skies fade as you two drive aimlessly around the city. your phone connected to his aux, softly playing some tunes in the background.

your eyes peer over to sae who had one hand on the steering wheel, while the other was used to prop himself up against the window. you find yourself smiling at the memories going back to you.

the old late night drives with sae just to clear your minds.

the route sae was taking you felt awfully familiar. you sit up straight and looked outside to see that you were going up a familiar hill. you snap your head towards sae. sae catches your stare and winks at your direction.

the car eventually comes to a stop. sae silently turns off the car and gets out with you following behind him. there you realize where he took you. sae took you back to your favorite spot to get away from it all. the hilltop where you can get a whole view of the ever so busy city of shibuya.

the same place sae asked you to be his,

the same place sae broke things off with you,

“what are we doing here, sae?” you ask, sitting on top of the hood of his car. sae follows suit. he sits next to you, observing the view in front of him.

“to unwind” he says flatly, putting his hood on. you can’t help but look at him. what did he mean by that?

“you looked pretty occupied today, so i just thought i’d bring you here-”

you furrowed your brows, “then why here?”

sae stays silent. the sound of the city filling your ears. you can’t help but think that it was now or never. it was the perfect time to get things across. for your own peace of mind, and for the sake of it all.

it was silent between you and sae all of a sudden. you almost wanted to laugh at how ironic it is that you’d end up in this place again for the third time in a row with the same person.

‘how nostalgic’ you think to yourself. you get up from the hood of the car and walked towards the wooden fence. just to get a clearer view and to get some air that you so desperately needed before talking to sae.

“you know, this reminds me of the time you took me up here for the first time,” you start, kicking the rocks just by your feet. sae’s ears perk up at the sudden mention of the memory.

“i was so happy that day. to think we’d last for over five years. i was the happiest when i was with you, sae” you continued, smiling to yourself as you recalled everything.

sae can’t help but feel there’s more to what you’re saying. he can’t help but anticipate the bomb that you were about to drop.

“til one day, you brought me out here again. this time, to break up” you turn around to face sae who had an expression you can’t comprehend. his hands were stuffed inside the pockets of his hoodie

“you broke me that day, sae” you breathe out, looking up at the moon. “and to think not even two weeks later i see you with someone else” you let out a laugh. to sae it sounded forced.

“i hate you, sae itoshi” you finally look at him again, sae averts from your hard gaze.

“i hate how you took all my firsts, i hate how you talk to me with that voice, i hate how i know your morning routine better than anyone else, i hate how you always opt to cook because you know i suck at cooking, i hate how you know me like the back of your hand..” you list off, with every list you say, you take a step forward.

“i hate how even after all these years, even after you hurt me, even how you broke me to pieces, i hate how i can’t ever find myself to hate you” you finish. a teardrop running down your cheeks.

“i hate how i still love you..” your voice was shaky. your hands were trembling, here you were, confessing your heart to the guy who initially broke it.

you broke your promise to yourself.

with a deep sigh, you fixed your composure. you harshly wipe the tears that were running down your cheeks before turning your back on sae again to face the city you live in.

“i just have a question for you, sae…” you take a deep breath. finally. you were gonna get the answers to your questions. those times you’ve doubted yourself, those sleepless nights wondering where it all went wrong, nights where you ask yourself if you were ever enough for sae..

you were finally gonna get your well deserved answers.

“why? what did i do wrong? was i not enough for you?”

sae silently moves towards you. he pulls your head to his chest where you freely the tears fall.

you push him off of you, you were not gonna let yourself be fooled much longer.

“was it worth it, sae? was throwing away our years together worth it?” you seethed, tears pricking your eyes.

sae’s eyes widened, “i–”

“you know sae, even if i was in a room with all the people i love the most. i’d still choose you and you all over again. i will always choose you, sae” you cut him off, trembling. words shaking as you are basically spilling your heart to the guy who broke it into a million pieces.

sae’s heart breaks at the scene before him. it was too late for him to realize the damage he has done to you. for you to act like this.

“that’s why i agreed to be in this fake relationship with you. i wanted to find out why you did this to me, to us” you admit, tears now fully flowing. “i just..” you weren’t able to finish what you were trying to sae as you sob in front of sae.

“why sae?.. just, why?”

you barely notice sae approaching. the next thing you knew, he pulls your head to his chest.

“shh… let it out” he says, his free arm rubbing your back as you cry your heart out. finally, after all those years, it felt good to release everything. like a million bricks has been lifted off your shoulders.

sae pulls away, cupping your cheeks as he wipes the tears pouring down your cheeks with his thumb. his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips.

“don’t look at me like that, sae..” you say in a low voice, almost like a whisper. peering away from sae’s eyes.

sae slowly leans in and before he knows it his lips are just ghosting over yours. without a second, sae smashes your lips together.

your eyes widened. you wanted to push him away. you put your hands on his chest ready to push him away, but something in you is stopping you from doing so.

how you missed this. how you missed sae

how sae missed this. how sae missed you

you pull apart, catching your breath. you look up at sae to see him crying too. he cups your cheeks, caressing them with his thumb.

“i’m sorry” was all he could say. he puts his forehead against yours, teal eyes fixated on yours. you can tell with his eyes that he was sincere. sae was also shaking as he holds you, his whole body language screaming guilt.

“i was young and stupid. i thought i’d be better off without you but i realized that i wasn’t. it was too late by then.” he explains, looking down at your feet instead of meeting your eyes.

you put your hand over his, squeezing them. relishing in the moment of two ex lovers putting the past behind them.

“i tried reaching out for you, you know?” sae brings up, laughing to himself at how stupid he sounded. “but knowing you, i knew you’d probably act like you never existed. i had to find out the hard way” he scoffs at the end.

“eventually, the stars brought me to you again” sae finally looks at you in the eye. “i took that as a chance to try and redeem myself. i think it failed though,” sae admits sheepishly, “i was persistent. i wanted you back and i did everything i can just to keep you with me”

you listen to sae stumble with his words. he’s trying. he’s actually proving that he was genuinely sorry for everything.

“i never stopped loving you, y/n” sae admits with a sad smile, “i never did”

you tear up again at his confession. because frankly, you were the same.

sae opens his mouth to say something but instead, you crash your lips against his. sae doesn’t move for a second but relaxes as soon as he realizes what was going on. he instantly wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close as he can.

“i love you,”

“i love you too,”

you two find yourselves basking under the moonlight once again. fixing and treating each other’s wounds as you two try again. this time you two are sure that whatever you two have planned for each other, you two will make it right.

006.

the sound of an alarm blaring through the room wakes you up from your sleep. you feel some shuffling behind you and suddenly the room turns quiet again.

“did i wake you?” you hear sae’s morning voice ring through your ears, sending a shiver down your spine. you let out a small whine, nodding your head yes.

sae chuckles, and tightens his hold around your body under the covers. “good morning to you too, baby” he kisses your cheek.

you open one eye before twisting your body around to face him.

“morning..” you yawn, leaving a trail of kisses from his jaw to his adam’s apple.

“still didn’t get enough from last night, hm?” sae teases, rubbing circles on your hips. you feel your cheeks heat up. you slapped his chest before turning your back on him again.

“our managers will kill us if we’re late” you remind him of your schedules for the day. you sit up, slipping on his shirt that was lying on the floor, recalling last night’s events. you looked at yourself from the mirror to see some love bites all over your neck up to your chest. a gentle reminder that you were now his again.

“they can wait,” sae murmurs, slipping his hands under your (his) shirt. you let out a giggle before pushing his hands off of you.

“sae come on!” you tug on his arm as you two head out to your bathroom.

after what seems like an hour or so due to sae’s rowdy hands. you two finally arrive at the red carpet of the luxury brand you two have modeled for.

the screams of fans fills your ears as you wait in of the car and onto the red carpet where a line of reporters were waiting.

sae, being the gentleman he is and a marketing genius, he obviously makes a scene for your entrances. he gets out of the car first and holds out his hand for you to take. the audience goes crazy as you two make your entrance.

“sae, y/n! over here!” you hear a bunch of reporters yell out. lights, and flashes all around.

you and sae stop at the first reporter on the line. he greets you guys with a smile before starting his short interview. it was the usual questions about the brand and you guys feel about being the new faces of it.

“well, clearly they have a good eye for casting both y/n and i as the new faces for their brand” sae answers for the both of you, his arm wrapped securely around your waist.

the interviewer gushes at how cool his answer was and proceeds to ask you another question.

“my, my, my, miss y/n. you look lovely as usual but i can’t help but wonder, what does it feel like to be back together with sae itoshi?” he asks, intrigued, his microphone on your face.

you look at sae for approval and he simply smiles and motions for you to say whatever you want to say.

“well, it still shocks me til this day that i got back together with sae” you joked, making the interviewer laugh at your response and sae who fakes being offended. you laugh at his reaction before answering seriously,

“but seriously. i guess it’s true that if it’s meant to be, it will be” you smile, showing off sae in front of the camera to which the interviewer loves.

“what an answer from, y/n! well you heard it here first folks!” the interviewer beams in front of the camera, “i wish you two never ending happiness. thank you for letting me interview you guys!” he waves off, finding another celebrity to interview.

you and sae both smile and wave him goodbye as you two continue along the red carpet.

“do you really mean that?” you hear sae ask beside you. he was busy waving for the cameras. you let out a little giggle before waving around for the paparazzi and cameras around.

“mean what?”

“what you said about if it’s meant to be, it will be” he quotes you, tucking a stray hair behind your ear sending the audience and the paparazzi in a frenzy again.

“it happened to us, didn’t it?” you smile, motioning to your current situation.

sae was yours again, and you are his.

just how it should be.

bonus!

you didn't consider how awkward it actually was to be working on another modeling gig with your boyfriend.

especially when the poses instructed by the photographer and way too intimate to be imitated in a semi-public setting for your liking.

“what are you being stiff for?” sae holds in his laugh, seeing how motionless your poses are with him. “it’s awkward when theres people around..” you say through gritted teeth, praying to the gods that this shoot will finally be over

“it’s not this awkward when we do this alone though..” sae seductively whispers, lowering his head just right at the shell of your ear.

the photographer squeals in joy at the amount of shots he got from that pose alone.

you feel your face burn up in embarrassment.

“sae!”

#blue lock imagines #blue lock x reader #bllk imagines #bllk x reader #sae imagines #sae x reader #sae itoshi imagines #sae itoshi x reader #saeved

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morownic · 4 months ago

Text

now one is too many, but it’s never enough

Don’t tell me you’re happy, because this isn’t love. (So be careful what you wish for.)

warnings/tags: NSFW MDNI (non-graphic smut), non-ultraman AU, afab + fem pronouns, mentions/implications of drug overdose and alcohol abuse

prev. // next — series masterlist · my other works · ao3

a/n: there is a specific feeling im trying to convey while writing this and its the vibe from oh no (peep the chorus lawl) and just kiss her (this one esp in the prom scene + only friend tbh) so i do recommend listening to them while reading this part! so far my writing is very narrative based, i need to work on writing dialogues lol

Surreal was one way to describe the mise en scene before him; Ken felt as if he had and had not seen this before, and that unease pooling in his stomach threatened to grow into constant anxiety as he stayed still.

Now, Ken was just seated on one of the VIP tables near the far back of that same club in Shibuya, the one some of his more rowdy teammates had dragged him to after signing his contract with the Giants, leaning back against the cushion with his left arm on top of the backrest and his right hand holding a glass of whiskey. He was nodding along to whatever Fucile was saying, obscured by the loud music, and it wasn’t long until the foreign player was called into a different conversation by another teammate. Ken took a sip of his liquor to soothe the gnawing coldness in his chest, one he couldn’t quite tell if it was because the beat of the music only served to louden his silence, because he felt out of place even in a room full of people who had practically revered him, or because that feeling reminded him of something from the past that he could not and would rather not recall just yet. Under the dim, multicolored lighting and amidst the thumping of the bass that rivaled his heartbeat, Ken hoped that no one caught on his restlessness while he downed his whiskey in one go, trying to figure out just what was making him restless in the first place.

Realization didn’t hit him like a truck when he saw her approaching the table where he and his teammates were seated, the sleeves of her dress shirt rolled up to her elbows and its first two buttons undone. She was holding her own glass of whiskey as she walked toward his direction without breaking eye contact, her gaze stone-cold and too unreadable for someone who had laid herself bare for him in the past. She looked even more beautiful under this kind of lighting, he thought, and he immediately remembered all those times he had seen her just like this. Still, realization didn’t pour and wash over him like cold water, and he wished it would, because it hurt even more when it didn’t, because it meant that he had been through this one too many times. Instead, it dawned on him slowly, like when he stood in front of her house with a corsage in one hand and a bouquet in the other and somehow understood that she, dressed in a gown that he thought made her outshine an angel, could never be his. It dawned on him slowly, like when he felt as if the world had slowed when she turned around after he hesitantly called out her name, her eyes gleaming in recognition yet her body unmoving from the hold of another guy whose name he couldn’t even remember while he was just there. It dawned on him that what he was feeling was just not the dread that came with feeling out of place in a world that both sang his praises and damned him with faint praise; it was this dread of knowing that, even in her world, he was still out of place.

“Sato.”

It was his first time in almost half a decade hearing her address him by name, and his first time ever hearing her address him by his surname and an honorific. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy that she remembered him or if he should pick the pieces of his heart that broke when she called him with such a degree of unfamiliarity.

“You shouldn’t even be here,” she continued. “You have an injury.”

Her hair was a little tousled, and under the dim lighting, he could barely tell that she hadn’t bothered to cover up her imperfections, something that she would have only done around him in the past. There was only a hint of red on her lips that had begun to fade, with a slight smudge on the left corner of her lips that made his mind wonder. He asked himself how the hell he could even see that and, out of habit, whether she had just left some dingy restroom after a quick hookup with some guy he didn’t even want to know. There were other times when he saw her like this, he thought, all pretty and cheeks slightly flushed from alcohol and practically glowing in the dark and always too far from his reach and never, ever his.

Ken Sato could be a selfish, selfish man; he could have anything in the world, what with how good-looking, well-off, and exalted he was. Yet, she was his first real lesson in ‘You can’t always get what you want.’

“Oh–huh?”

There was a scowl on her face as she leaned in across the table, and Ken could only think about how she still wore the same perfume all these years. He was growing lightheaded from her scent, failing to notice the way his teammates were staring at the exchange between them. There were too many thoughts running in his head at that moment. One was that, of course, she smelled as good as she looked, and it only brought the memories of nights spent in either of their bedrooms to the forefront of his mind. Then, there was the more rational thought of ‘How the hell did she know I was injured?’ that he interjected with another thought of ‘Anyone could tell, dumbass.’ And then, there was this awful, gut-wrenching realization that whatever this was, it was real. What was happening before him, the feelings suffocating his chest—all of them were real. His past with her and the present day where she made her way into his life again were not just one bad dream.

He hated it.

“Get yourself out of here before I tell Coach Shimura to bench you,” she snarled, and he didn’t know why. Vexation he understood, but resentment he did not. If anything, he should have been the one resenting her to death. But he couldn’t, could never. Not even with how egomaniacal he could be, not even with how he felt entitled to rage at the fact that she left him for Japan, just like his father did.

So, for the first time in a while, Ken found himself at a loss for words and only watched as she stood up and turned to address his teammates, her posture much more composed albeit with an air of disdain that was just as telling as his was—that they were both raised in a much different culture on the other side of the world. He briefly wondered if everyone else also damned her for it. He was, however, taken aback by her curt and polite forty-five degree bow toward his teammates, another contrast to her behavior toward him, as she spoke to his teammates in a much calmer and more dignified manner.

“Please remember that you have a game coming up. Take care of yourselves.”

He couldn’t find the courage to stop her as she excused herself and downed her whiskey in one go before disappearing into the crowd. It felt just like this, he thought. He would look at her, realize that there was no way anyone in the world could fill the hole in his heart when it was shaped to her exact likeness, and had to come to terms that, no, even she could not fill that hole. Ken, too, found himself pouring another shot that he downed in one go, hoping that the alcohol could at least outburn the pain searing in his chest. (It couldn’t.)

“Did you know her or something?” Fucile’s question pulled Ken out of his pity party, and he barely registered it as he craned his neck only slightly toward his teammate’s direction, eyes still glued to the empty glass he was holding.

Ken didn’t want to reveal that he did know her for several reasons. He didn’t want to get hurt again, and he selfishly thought maybe, just maybe, if he had kept some semblance of distance and indifference toward her, it could affect her just as much as it had affected him. But even if he wasn’t going to admit it himself, he knew that wouldn’t happen because she still had him wrapped around her finger even after all these years. He thought of the lonely nights he spent thinking about where she was, who he was to her, what they could have been. So his mind settled on the next best—or worst, depending on how you look at it—reason: that even if they were “friends,” even if the arrangement they had was a measure of closeness, even if they had laid themselves bare to each other, with him placing her in his heart next to his mother, there were days when he felt as if he barely knew anything about her, and now, it felt like he probably never did.

“Oh, no,” Ken exclaimed with a little exaggeration, to compensate for the silence that brought the attention of his other teammates. He shook his head, trying to ease the awkwardness and hide his unease by pouring himself yet another serving of whiskey and taking a sip of it. He hoped that his teammates would stop looking at him with suffocating scrutiny.

“We just went to the same high school.”

For the past four years, you found that it had become increasingly hard to put up a proper facade. There was no use for it at home; you no longer lived in Los Angeles where everyone thought you were perfect, and you no longer had to play the role of the good daughter anymore because your parents were long gone. Very few people had ever seen you past the pretense of the popular valedictorian. Your and Kenji’s mothers had passed away, you hadn’t spoken to your college roommate turned friend turned strangers after your falling-out, and he broke your heart into pieces that you had yet to pick up and glue together again to this day. There was another one, if you count his daughter as an extension of himself, which you did at some point as you bitterly laughed at the realization and irony that you could never get rid of him from your world, no matter how many times you tried to. But then you grew to love your daughter too much, even more so than you loved yourself, to think of her as a mere byproduct of failed love, and you didn’t want to turn out like your mother nor did you want your daughter to end up like you.

So, you named her after his mother instead—Emi—because you didn’t want to name your own daughter after your mother, who once invited some bashful younger man that came out of the foyer with disheveled hair, shirt untucked, and pants unzipped while she was lounging in the living room in her underwear, a glass of wine in hand, as she watched another episode of Love Island. Although everything about your daughter would inevitably and endlessly remind you of him, you still did what your mother had taught you best: curse the existence of the man who had taken away and given everything to you.

It was why contempt naturally came and etched itself on your face the moment you saw Kenji Sato since the last time you exchanged bitter words in front of that old diner somewhere in downtown Los Angeles. Years of trying to erase every trace of his existence went down in the drain, because the moment you saw him, you could only think about ‘What if we fuck it up again?’ knowing very well that there was nothing left between the two of you to even fuck up. You spent your first observation of the Giants during practice with a sour expression when you thought no one was looking at you. If Kenji was wondering to himself why he even left his career with the Dodgers behind for a father that was never there, then you were wondering to yourself why you had to come to Japan to escape from someone who ended up always being there anyway. You thought of what to say if he came up to you, or whether or not you should tell him that he had a child he didn’t even know of. All of that was put aside when you moved away from your conversation with Coach Shimura as he nodded in Kenji’s direction, when all you could feel at that moment was deep, indescribable longing and sadness that gnawed at your bones yet your face could only contort into an expression of scorn.

The next day, you didn’t come to practice for another observation, choosing to watch the game recordings in the comfort of your home and your daughter’s company. It was the first time in a while that you couldn’t look your daughter in the eyes properly because she reminded you of that doe-eyed boy you met in sophomore year of high school, and you were glad that she was at least preoccupied with talking your ears off about her new friends.

“The team is here, too,” a voice, one that you recognized had belonged to your senior shortly afterward, pulled you out of your train of thought. “Try to smile when you mingle, okay?”

Ms. Kudo—‘Just call me Eri,’ she said—was less uptight and less traditional compared to some of your previous colleagues. You didn’t know if it was because you were closer in age, because Eri was being considerate of your background as someone who spent almost half of her life in the States, or because she was just simply that carefree of a person compared to the typical office workers that you knew. She reminded you a bit of your roommate in college, and your heart tightened a little at the thought. Still, you weren’t sure how you ended up going along with your senior’s whims, or how you could even get your neighbor to agree to look after your daughter after a rushed phone call. You made a mental note to build your fortitude when it came to rejecting invitations to social outings and to buy something on your way home as a thank-you gift for your neighbor. A part of you reasoned that, since you had had your share of Japanese work culture, you knew better than to turn down a senior’s invitation to have a drink together. But you also knew that Eri was not that kind of person, that she would have understood anyway if you had said no, and then you were faced with the fact that you could use a drink or two considering what you had to deal with on a day-to-day basis. That, and the fact your face twitched at the mention of his name.

“I’ll… try my best,” you answered, forcing a smile. “I’m not sure if I could stay for long, though.”

Eri, who was leaning close toward one of the restroom mirrors and was about to apply her lipstick, paused her movement as she met your gaze on the mirror. She wore a frown that wordlessly asked you whatever you meant by what you said. You chuckled sheepishly as you crossed your arms.

“I have someone waiting for me at home.”

Her face lit up as she exclaimed an elongated ‘ooh,’ completely diverting her attention toward you. “You have a boyfriend?!”

You considered whether you should tell her or not. Maybe it would do you good to have at least someone else in your life other than your daughter. There was no one else left in the world for you, you thought.

“A kid.”

Eri’s eyes and mouth both widened as soon as those words left your lips. “You’re married?!”

“Uh, no,” you interjected almost too quickly after Eri’s exclamation before breathing out a deep sigh. “I just have one kid. A daughter.”

“Oh,” Eri’s response was soft, and if you didn’t know her a little past her cheerful persona, you would have thought it was out of character for her to look as pensive as she was. Still, the silence that lingered between the two of you was awkward enough for her to distract herself by finally applying her lipstick. You simply stood there, staring at the sink in front of you, noting how some of the droplets of water hadn’t dried yet.

You looked back at Eri when she cleared her throat as she put her lipstick back in her purse. “Dad’s not in the picture?”

You shook your head. “Nope.”

“Okay, then,” she said, now turning back to you, her voice gentle and with a small, genuine smile on her face. “Just until 12 AM at most, I promise.”

You smiled back. “Okay.”

She gave you a gentle pat on the shoulder before grabbing her purse and making a beeline for the door. You followed her shortly after, opening the door for her to which she responded with a quick ‘thank you.’ As you exited the restroom area, you heard her ask for your daughter’s name, and you told her. You smiled when she said that her name was pretty, and she was sure that Emi herself was even prettier.

“Also, just drop the honorifics! I’m not that much older than you, you know.”

“Eri, you’re almost thirty.”

“Eek!”

Ken Sato might be prideful, but he was not stupid. He was well aware of his feelings for you. He simply didn’t act upon them when he could have very well done that, considering how often he did things his way anyway, but he pushed away the thought of acting upon them after that night when you asked if the two of you would be friends forever. If he could not have both of your worlds colliding, he’d take any chance he could get just to be a part of your world. So, while he was used to that somber realization and the little heartbreaks that would build up after, he had never felt so hopeless when he saw you walk down the stairs of your house dressed in a soft blue tulle dress that made you look like you came out of a fairytale. Or heaven, he couldn’t choose. You were like an angel, if not more beautiful. And it was at that moment, when Ken should have felt something akin to elation that you were coming to prom with him, that he could only feel the crushing weight of the reality that you could never be his. He forced a smile as he let you loop your arm around his and bid your goodbyes to your mother, and on your way to school, he didn’t know if you could tell that he wasn’t fully listening to your chatter about whoever had been causing drama among the circles you were in.

It wasn’t as if you did not know at all. As a matter of fact, you probably knew that he had feelings for you before he had even realized it. You were used to boys misunderstanding your words and gestures as an invitation, as a hint that they could lead to something more. Most of the time, you would have just ignored their advances until they were bored of you or tired of trying, or you would have turned them down as amicably as you could, unless they had somehow seen you past your sweetheart persona. (Not like anyone would have believed them if they told others that you were actually a total bitch.) But this is Ken, this is Kenji, the first person that you truly thought of as a friend, the first person that you ever let see through you, the first person that you had laid yourself completely bare to, literally and figuratively. You didn’t want to lose him, but you didn’t want to pursue something that could make you end up in the same position as your mother and him turn out to be a man as bad if not worse than your father. You didn’t want him to not be a part of your world, but you didn’t want to depend on him because your mother had taught you to never trust a man, let alone depend yourself on one. So, you did what you do best with all the things you wanted but could never have: you keep them at arm’s length so you could still have them, yet you never settle.

(Years later, you found out that it was exhausting to live a life like that, and you would finally learn to settle once you have a daughter of your own.)

You noticed how he looked at you when he thought you weren’t looking. It was nerve-racking, the way his gaze felt as if it was burning a hole through your back. You had been crowned as the prom queen and was called to have a dance with the prom king, who was some popular guy from the basketball team whose name you could barely recall a couple years later. There was no way you could remember him when you could only think about Ken while dancing with him; you could only think about Ken’s uncharacteristically solemn expression throughout the entire dance, you could only think about how Ken’s body was practically twitching when you had no choice but to laugh at some actually smart joke that the prom king had whispered to you, you could only think about what Ken would do once you were done with your stupid formal dance. You had expected some sarcastic remarks, as he would sometimes give, or for him to drag you to somewhere more secluded to do God-knows-what, but what came after only made your heart tighten in anguish. Ken only smiled sadly at you before asking for a dance himself, holding you close to his chest from the beginning to the end without so much as uttering a word. Rather than feeling awkward, you only felt this strange bittersweetness; the deep, comforting warmth and the profound, inexplicable sadness that both came just from him simply being there.

“Are you going to college?”

Ken had made a quick trip to that one burger joint you loved near your school and brought you to the bleachers to eat together, away from the meddlesome crowd of teenagers that wanted a piece of him or you. You were taking a bite of yours when you asked the question, distracting him from unwrapping his burger as he thought of an answer.

“Probably,” he said before shrugging. “But, like, we’ll see if I can get to the Minor League without college baseball.”

The snort you let out was anything but graceful, yet he found it endearing. “You’re Ken Sato,” you said while chewing, to which he responded with a disapproving look. He was just like his mother in that sense. You swallowed your food before continuing. “Of course you can.”

He chuckled. “You’re right.”

Ken had shared numerous comfortable silence with you, even if half of them were encumbered by an unspoken sadness that the two of you somehow understood. This time, though, he was on edge when you had kept quiet. Anticipation bubbled in his stomach almost violently, to the point where he nearly felt sick and just wanted to put his burger aside before you could say anything that would make his heart drop yet again.

“I don’t know if I’ll go to college here.”

Too late.

“Are you…” He trailed off, pausing for a moment. “Are you going back to Japan?”

Your hum was drawn out before you finally shrugged. “My parents said I’m next in line. It’s not like I can just say no.”

He frowned. “But you can, though?”

“That’s literally not how it works, Kenji.”

The way you deadpanned would have been humorous if it wasn’t for the way you addressed him by his full given name and emphasized the last syllable in mock annoyance, the way you rolled your eyes that contrasted the layer of sternness in your voice, the tone that you would use with him when you were trying to be serious yet lighthearted for the sake of his (or perhaps your?) comfort. He glanced at you, and you were chewing another bite as you looked to the distance. If he didn’t know you well enough, he would have thought that you were just blankly staring at nothing, but he could tell by the slight furrow of your brows that you were having some kind of battle with your own thoughts. He realized right then and there that you might be leaving. You could be leaving. He wasn’t sure what he should feel and when he should start feeling it and where he should even start dissecting it all.

“Well,” he cleared his throat nervously. “Will you be visiting?”

Another shrug from you. “Probably. Probably not.”

So much uncertainty from someone who hated uncertainty. Ironic.

“Are we…” Are we okay? Will we be okay? We won’t fuck this up, right? He didn’t know which question to ask. You were always vague. Untouchable. If he had asked one of those questions, you would just say things in an effort to soothe his worries rather than things you actually mean. “Can we still be friends?”

You remembered asking something along the same lines one night in junior year, within the confines of your bedroom and under the dim lighting of your old star projector. You had asked for reassurance. Reassurance that neither of you would fuck this, whatever the two of you had, up. Reassurance that he wouldn’t let you fuck him up. Reassurance that he wouldn’t fuck you up. But deep down, you already knew that the two of you had gone past the point of no return, of fucking each other up, that if something was to truly happen between the two of you, the pain that you kept contained in your chest, suffocating, would finally course through your veins and gnaw at your bones like some cancerous entity you were forced to live the rest of your life with.

“Yeah, of course,” you lied. Of course you did. You always did. “But what’s going on between us, that’s…”

He nodded, already understanding what you meant. This time, you turned to look at him. You saw him hang his head, seemingly losing his appetite as he stared blankly at his half-eaten burger. You were always like this, he thought. Always vague. Untouchable. He hated it. He hated it so much. You, on the other hand, were trying to decipher the solemn look on his face and suppress the guilt that was pooling in your stomach before you started throwing up the food you just ate. It wasn’t as if you didn’t want him. You’ve always wanted him. He was always the only one you ever wanted. But—

“Yeah,” his soft reply pulled you out of your trance. He was still looking at your burger, absentmindedly nodding. “Yeah, okay.” He took another bite, and you could tell that he was forcing it because he had a slight grimace as he chewed his food and swallowed it. “Be sure to text me about all your… stuff, yeah?”

You nodded, humming as you crumpled the empty wrapper in your hand. “I would say shit like, ‘You have to come to my wedding and my childbirth,’ but you know that I probably won’t even get married.”

He knew. So much uncertainty for someone who hated uncertainty. He knew you were not only going to not get married, but you were not going to let yourself be tied down to one particular person. He knew that even though you had placed him somewhere close to you in your world, he was still not a part of it; that he was not an exception. Ken knew all that, yet he still fell for you anyway. (He knew he had no right to call you stupid then.)

“Yeah, yeah,” he said coolly. He tried to feign indifference, he really did. But the way you looked at him made him realize that he had worn his heart on his sleeve for a moment too long. So, he wore a half-hearted grin as he held out his little finger and asked, “So, friends?”

At that moment, you cursed yourself for the person you were as you linked your own little finger with his, that familiar warmth and a heavier, agonizing weight blooming in and crushing your chest. You could tell he felt the same, somehow, if the way his hand slightly trembled was anything to go by. But you didn’t dare offer comfort that you could not sustain. You didn’t dare let another lie slip through your teeth just to break his heart again and again and again. You didn’t dare to tell him that you loved him, because your fear was far stronger than your love.

“Friends forever, bro.”

And so, the two of you spent what you thought was your last night together as blithely as you could. There were a lot of firsts and lasts that made your heart swell and tighten at the same time whenever you thought of that night. You rode his bike for the first time, and that memory alone made you purchase one for yourself after you enrolled in college. He told you that you looked silly with your dress bunched up carelessly around your hips, even though he himself was staring shamelessly at your bare thighs, but he didn’t tell you that when you took off his slightly oversized helmet and shook your head to untangle your hair was one of the times where he thought you looked the most beautiful. He smoked his last cigarette that night, and the lightheadedness he experienced almost made him try smoking again when you left for Japan. He wondered how did you even manage to smoke at least two a day. You told him that there was a reason why you didn’t mind that he didn’t go down on you, and he realized not only did you make him feel bitter, you also did taste a little bitter. He did eat you out for his own pleasure later that night, thinking it was the last time he could do it anyway. He still thought you were the best he had ever tasted.

And so, you let him sneak into your house for the last time, and you noticed how your mother was seemingly fast asleep on the couch, yet another Love Island episode playing on the television. She wasn’t, you knew that, he knew that, but you led him up the stairs anyway. He made love to you for the first and last time. Made love, not fucked. You knew because it was his first time holding you this gently as if he was afraid you would break or slip out from his grasp yet his hips collided with yours with a force that could knock the air out of your lungs and make you see all the constellations in the universe. You knew because it was the last time—and you just realized that after you let him into your world again in college—that he kept kissing you throughout the ordeal, as if taking a breath was the most unforgivable offense you could have ever done. His kisses weren’t rough either; not the clashing of teeth and borderline painful bites of the lips that you would sometimes get from him. They were slow, passionate, as if he was trying to tell you something wordlessly. You knew what he was trying to tell you. You felt the same way, too. But you simply kissed him back with the same fervor, taking his breath away with you.

The next morning, it was the first time he left without so much as waking you up, and the last time you ever laid yourself completely bare for someone else. It was the last time he let himself think of a future with you where he could finally be a part of your world, and the first time you cried, screamed, upon realizing that you loved him even more than you loved yourself.

There was always something about house parties that would make Ken retch whenever he stepped into the room. He used to think that it was probably the smell of sweat mixed with alcohol and puke somewhere in the corner, or how packed, poorly air-conditioned, and humid the room was that it was surprising no one had died yet from overheating. But the moment his eyes landed on her, he realized that it wasn’t the smell or the humidity that made his skin crawl. It was the fact that every time he stepped into one of these parties, he would either make an entrance with his arm looped around her waist or end up finding her making out with some other guy. It was the fact that every time he showed up to one of these parties, he would either have the time of his life and hook up with her in one of the bathrooms or drink his sorrows away for the whole night while she danced with her friends and some guys from the football team. It was the fact that every time he came to one of these parties, he would almost always come home with a freshly patched up heart broken into pieces again no matter what.

He couldn’t believe his eyes at first. The last time they spoke properly was on prom night, when they had ended the arrangement they had throughout high school. He didn’t have the heart to drop by her house anymore, and she stopped coming over to hang out with his mother. He even had a small argument with his mother because of that. They had kept texting each other at first, but as weeks went by, he stopped sending her memes at random hours of the day, and she stopped telling him small things that happened throughout her days. He didn’t tell her that he had ended up choosing college baseball and enrolled in one of the top universities in Los Angeles known for its varsity baseball team. He spent his days exercising, practicing, going out for a drink or two with his seniors, and coming to a few frat parties that he had been invited to. There was a girl or two that had wanted to involve themselves with him, but he brushed off one of them and scared off the other by muttering the wrong name when she went down on him. Ken did what he could to try to forget his high school days, sometimes drinking one too many to do just that, and that was exactly what he had in mind when he saw her giggling on the lap of some other guy in the middle of one of those frat parties in his freshman year of college.

Ken hesitantly called out her name once he arrived near the crowd of people around the couch, and he swore the world felt as if it had slowed down when she turned around. Her hair swept over her shoulder as she turned, and even with the unbearable anguish settling in his chest, he couldn’t help but think just how beautiful she was. Her lipstick-coated lips parted and her eyes widened with an array of emotions when she finally saw him. He recognized some of them. Realization. Surprise. Delight. Sadness. Guilt. Longing. (He hoped he hadn’t mistaken the last one.) Ken thought he couldn’t ever feel more brokenhearted than when he left her house without even sparing a glance at her front door while he revved his engine and sped back to his place, but holy shit—he thought he genuinely would rather die at that moment.

“Kenji?”

God, he wished he could hate her for how easy his name rolled off her tongue, or how she called out to him with his full given name instead of the name he used to detach himself from his reality. He almost shuddered at the sound of her voice. He berated himself for still being wrapped around her finger.

“Oh, hey,” he replied weakly, yet he willed his body language to be as normal as possible. “I didn’t know you also got in here.”

“Oh, yeah! Totally forgot to tell you,” she said. Ken knew that she didn’t forget. She knew that he knew. A moment passed before he noticed how she didn’t even bother to move off from the lap of that other guy, who was practically staring him down as he spoke with her. If he wasn’t a better person, he would have just abandoned himself to anger and start a fight right then and there simply for the way the guy was looking at him. Ken settled with an awkward nod in the guy’s direction, who didn’t even bother returning the friendly gesture. Asshole.

“No problem, uh…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say. There was so much he wanted to say, but there was no way he would ask for a conversation in the middle of one of these goddamn parties, not when she seemed like she was doing just fine after that whole ordeal on prom night and especially not when he felt as if he was going to punch the teeth off the guy who was holding her as if she was his. (Ken selfishly thought, if she couldn’t be his, then she could never be anyone’s.)

“See you… later?” Ken wanted to hit himself in the head for how unsure he sounded, again.

She exclaimed almost too quickly for his liking. “Yeah, totally!”

Ken was reeling, yet he managed to give her a half-hearted wave and even catch bits of her conversation as he slowly made his way back to the group of guys he came with.

“You know that guy?”

“He’s…” She paused. “We just went to the same high school.”

As he disappeared into the crowd, Ken caught the way she giggled as that guy whispered something to her ear. He stilled when he realized for the first time that, no, this wasn’t just a bad dream. He was there, she was there, and there was still a distance between them that not even an act that was supposed to be reserved between lovers could bridge. She looked beautiful, too beautiful even in the arms of another. He didn’t know how much he could take before his heart actually stopped beating because of some broken heart syndrome, so he looked away and turned somewhere else. He really could use a drink right now. Hell, he could down a bottle of liquor in one go right at that moment just to escape from and forget everything. He only thought of one thing as he shoved his way through the crowd of drunken college students.

I need to get away from her.

“Sato.”

There was a hardheartedness in your voice that even made you shudder when you called out to him. It was weird to call him by his surname when you’ve spent all those years addressing him by his full given name, a right he had only reserved for his mother back then. It was even weirder to add an honorific at the end of it because you knew him too well to be using any sort of honorific, because you were used to whispering pet names in either one of your bedrooms, with lighting as dim as the club you were in. You wanted to throw up at the absurdity of it all. Why did you even come to his table, anyway?

You recalled getting out of the restroom with Eri and was greeted with the sight of a sea of people that just made you want to go home. Eri held your hand as she navigated through the crowd and found the staircase leading up to the VIP section, showing her ID to the bouncer before dragging you upstairs. Her hand felt clammy as she led you to one of the tables where some of the staff members you recognized were seated, along with some new faces that you didn’t bother asking about. Eri patted the spot next to her as she poured you a glass of whiskey, while your eyes darted around and landed on the table near the far back to shake off the thought of just how similar she was to your roommate. The sight of a familiar face, one you knew all too well, successfully did just that; although you hadn’t even started drinking, you genuinely wanted to throw up right then and there. It didn’t take long for you to down the whiskey Eri handed to you in one swift motion.

“Hey, hey, pace yourself,” she said, leaning closer to you so you could hear her over the loud music and chattering. “Don’t come home to your daughter drunk.”

You wanted to snark out of habit, but as you had done for the past four years, you told yourself that you were no longer in high school or college, that you were supposed to be a responsible adult and mother and not some broken teenager trying to cope with your parents’ fucked up marriage and parenting, their eventual deaths, and your complex with your ex-best friend and friends with benefits by having sex with anyone that walked on two legs, smoking until your lungs turned black, and overdosing in the middle of a goddamn frat party. So, you took a deep breath and muttered a ‘sorry’ to Eri, which she only responded with a concerned stare before she was distracted by one of your other colleagues asking her about something. You wiped the damp trail of liquor from the corner of your mouth and shook your head, pouring yourself another glass when Eri wasn’t looking and turning your gaze to the table where Kenji was seated.

Say, perhaps it was liquid courage, even if it was weird to have it when you just had one drink. Perhaps it was your brain trying to trick you into old habits that you had to grow out of years ago, or perhaps it was your heart simply telling you to just go after what you want, like you used to all the time, without caring how others would feel after you’ve laid them bare and take and take and take. Perhaps it was the realization that he was there, he had always been there, and there was no telling how much longer you have until you would have to let him go again because you thought he deserved better. Better than you, who only kept him at arm’s length because you didn’t want to end up like your parents but you also didn’t want to be alone either. Better than you, who repeatedly broke his heart because you could never give him what he wanted, too scared of what ifs, yet you still craved for a place in it. Better than you, who couldn’t even open your world to someone who would give you his world if you had asked.

You were once a good daughter and you might have been a good mother, but you were never a good person, you thought to yourself as you absentmindedly made your way toward his table.

It was hard trying to keep a straight face, but even if you wanted to show your heart on your sleeve, you wouldn’t know where to start. There were millions of thoughts running in your head and feelings brewing in your chest, and there was no time to navigate through all of them in the middle of a packed nightclub while you were trying to confront your once best friend without any clear reason why. Your breath almost hitched when you saw how realization slowly dawned on him, how his expression turned from one of surprise to one that you could liken to your own anguish. You’ve lost count on how many times you’ve seen that expression before. Perhaps once, when you saw him staring at you sadly from the corner of your eye when you had your formal dance with the prom king and talked with your friends while he was mingling with his own circles. Or twice, when you caught how devastated he was to see you sitting on the lap of some guy that had said a pick-up line so corny you didn’t have another option but to laugh. Or when he found you lying on your side next to your roommate in some frat dorm bathroom, barely breathing after snorting lines of cocaine. (But maybe the one time you remember the most was when he used the stuff of your sleepless nights against you in front of that old diner before you could even tell him that your pregnancy test came back positive.)

You ignored the stabbing pain in your chest and willed yourself to speak once you stood in front of him.

“You shouldn’t even be here. You have an injury.”

“Oh–huh?”

You knew how much Kenji loved baseball. That was something that even you couldn’t take away from him, and you were glad that you couldn’t. So you supported him in any way you could; in high school, you practiced batting with him, you came to his games whenever you could with that stupid banner you made, you cheered the loudest for him whenever he hit a home run. In college, you watched his rival teams’ games and analyzed them for him, you helped him come up with an effective training regimen and even joined him on days you were sober, you gifted him a new glove for his 21st birthday that he still used to this day. (You still watched all of his games even after you stopped talking to each other.) Perhaps it was that instinct kicking in, in addition to all of the unease wedging in your chest, that made you lean forward, dismissing his confusion and snarling at him to basically watch himself.

“Get yourself out of here before I tell Coach Shimura to bench you.”

There was a flash of anger in his eyes that only you could see, but he was rendered speechless otherwise. At that, you quickly stood up straighter before he could blow a fuse right at you and turned toward his teammates, trying to appear more dignified than you had been mere moments ago. You bent a little in a curt and polite bow to appeal to them, unclenching your jaw and relaxing the muscles in your face before you spoke calmly.

“Please remember that you have a game coming up. Take care of yourselves.”

You didn’t wait to see their reaction or hear their response, quickly excusing yourself and downing the glass of whiskey in your hand as you turned around. You could somehow hear the clicks of your heels echoing on the floor amidst the loud thumping of the bass, and you swore your heart was about to jump out of its place when you finally returned to Eri’s table. She saw how distraught you were and tried to ask you what was wrong, but you dismissed her by saying you needed to go home because of an emergency and yanked your bag from the seat so harshly that you were even surprised its contents didn’t spill out. You only thought of one thing as you squeezed your way through the sea of bodies.

I need to get away from him.

#bungee.doc #ken sato #kenji sato #ken sato x oc #kenji sato x oc #ken sato x reader #kenji sato x reader #ken sato fluff #ken sato smut #ken sato angst #kenji sato fluff #kenji sato smut #kenji sato angst #ultraman rising #ultraman

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spennsrs · 1 year ago

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Hi! I noticed that your requests are open and that you are a Spencer simp (same!!) so I was wondering if I could request something with him? Anything really, I just think that the world needs more Spencer Agnew fics :))

TYPE OF WRITING: one sided pining drabble CONTENT CREATOR(S): spencer agnew of smosh SONG REC: my type by saint motel MARNIE'S NOTE: THE WORLD NEEDS MORE SPENCER !! i hope this satiates not only your need for more spence, but also my need lawl ... also spence is 100% besties to lovers type guy... also mayhaps part 2 in the future???

from: spenner 🐌 ' [y/n] ' ' [y/n] answer plz ' ' are u dead ' ' is this because i won at mario kart ' ' heeeeeeeeey ' ' im off work and im booooooored '

[y/n] lifts the pillow from their face, the constant buzzing of their phone making them frown. they pick the phone up, scrolling through the notifications. youtube... threads... x (you stick your tongue out... elon you bitch, twitter was fine)... a goofy smile tugs at their lips at the onslaught of texts from their best friend, spencer agnew, and as more came in.

from: spenner 🐌 ' my best friend, [y/n] [l/n] is dead!!1 ' ' haha get it ' ' family guy reference ' ' see [y/n] this is how much i need u in my life ' ' im making fucking family guy references '

they simply watch the three dots, signaling spencer was typing as more and more texts were sent by the curly haired man, shaking their head. finally, they decide it was enough torture for their poor friend, typing out a few texts. they giggle as the three dots disappear for a moment, only to reappear.

to: spenner 🐌 ' chill out you funion fuck ' ' im here ' ' unlike some people, some of us have lives while our best friend is at work '

this was a lie. they had (very shamelessly) not answered spencer in favor of catching up on their favorite tv show.

from: spenner 🐌 ' about damn time ' ' i was dying without you ' ' soooooo whats the plan can i come over or ' ' also funion fuck?????? '

to: spenner 🐌 ' so you can eat my food? ' ' ig you can :/ '

there was no response, and [y/n] had reason to believe spencer had either pulled a fast one and was now ignoring them, or was on his way. they opted to believe the latter.

they hurriedly get up to clean up what little mess there was, knowing spence really didn't care.

ㅤ ೀ ㅤ۫ ㅤ۪ㅤ۫ ㅤ ♡ ㅤ

spencer arrived at [y/n]'s apartment, sticking the key into the door and unlocking it. he got an odd thought as he stepped into the apartment, his mind wandering into what if territory. it was dangerous, sure... but it was hard when he had developed this huge, heart wrenching, heavy crush on his best friend.

he shakes his head when a voice calls out. "spencer? that you?" he chuckles at [y/n]'s voice, they knew the answer. but he decided to tease them.

"spencer who? it's a robber, announcing my break in. here i come!" he can't help but cackle as his best friend's head comes into view, frowning deeply. "yeah, yeah, it's me. literally the only other person that has a key to your apartment, dumbass."

"not true! angela and amanda have a key!"

a pang stung in his heart, but he shrugged it off. they were [y/n]'s friends, spence, chill. he was not about to be jealous over coworkers.

he makes his way to where [y/n] was, in their room with a sigh. he flops onto their bed dramatically, much to [y/n]'s amusement. they pat his leg before sitting back at their laptop, scrolling through their email. a comfortable quiet falls over the two, the only real noise coming from the soft clicking of keys from the laptop.

spencer turns his head to gaze at his friend- or, the back of them... not that he cared. this had become a common thing, him coming over to just.. decompress from work. he loved his position at smosh, but [y/n] was really his rock. they had been a constant in his life, keeping him grounded. he owed a lot to them... but he guessed it wouldn't be long before the whole crush thing began. how could he not? they were such a genuine and loving person, they accepted spencer for all his weirdness and even parroted it back to him. with [y/n], he could be himself, his true authentic self. not a facade he had to put on in front of a camera, not the one he had with other friends, he was himself with [y/n].

he slowly smiles as they turn their head to check on spencer, a soft pink painting itself on their cheeks.

"stop staring, weirdo. not a good look." "can i not stare at my amazingly gorgeous best friend?"

next thing he knew, spencer was laughing as a pen was chucked in his direction, sitting up.

one day, he would spill it all to [y/n]. but for now... this dynamic was good enough for him.

#marnie's writings #smosh #spencer agnew x reader #angela giarratana #amanda lehan canto #amanda and angela mentioned !! my favs fr #smosh x reader

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moxielynx · 7 months ago

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forever angry that Wu referred to Morro as his "biggest regret" mf YOU failed him

edit: I forgor I made this post lawl, I still stand by this btw that sentence really pisses me off, but I’m aware that Wu probably meant he regretted how he was with Morro rather than regretting Morro himself. What really pisses me off is the phrasing of the sentence, saying that Morro is his biggest regret rather than something more reasonable like, idk, saying he made a big mistake with Morro. I hope this doesn’t come across as me being an unreasonable Wu hater cause I’m not, I love Wu, it’s just season 5 Wu specifically that makes me angry cause I really love Morro 😭

#“he was also my biggest regret” die #that was a child YOU took in you were supposed to TAKE CARE of him #sorry morro makes me emotional #ninjago #morro #ninjago morro #ramble #lynx posting

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amascomet · 8 months ago

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Ellloo, first time like asking something on Tumblr lol

But I'm sure you've answered this before and I just can't find it- but are any of your (tmnt) series going to be written up / (web)comic? Because I'd love to learn and read about your AU's!

Also, out of all your designs, who is your favourite? (I can tell you love Leo though so keep him out of this /j(joke) )

Hi!! I’ve got a thread for Gene Spliced on my Twitter.

Here’s the link —> https://x.com/amasc0met/status/1745957057671344325?s=61&t=eg7daRoqH7PJYTlpG3G0JQ

It’s only slightly outdated. Most of the lore is still true! I’ll be making a separate Twitter for it very soon as well. So far Gene Spliced is the only one that I’ll be making into a comic! It’s the one that’s closest to my heart and I’ve been putting a lot of work into it. 🥹♥️ I’ve got the outline for the first issue written so now I’m just sketching out the pages. Putting a samples below! (There’s a two pages between these sequences but I’m omitting cause spoilers lol.) I’ve never made a comic before so it’s also gonna be a learning experience for me. 😭 So happy people enjoy my GS turtles. I truly am.

The Divorce AU is something I’m still developing. It’s just on the back burner. Central idea for them is just Tang Shen is the one who mutated as raised them while Yoshi is the Shredder.

Embrace Legacy literally is just 2003 turtles return and experience IDW canon events. Idk how is to put it. Lawl. You can find more design concept stuff for them here and on my twt under just the #tmnt hashtag, though they’re def easier to find here I’m sure. But again Legacy designs are just rebooted 2k3 and double as my IDW interpretations.

As for my favorite designs- I really adore Legacy Donnie and GS Raph. 💜♥️ I really like how they came out but also the GS turtles all together are just my absolute faves. I love them so much. I’m so happy with all of them.

ALSO MY TENDENCY TO DRAW LEO MAKES ME SICK CAUSE RAPH IS MY FAVE. 😭😭😭 (I love Raph and Leo equally there’s just a lot of evidence against me. ⚰️)

Anyways I know that was a lot but tysm for your interest! I hope this all made sense.

#my art #amart #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt au #tmnt gene spliced au #gene spliced au

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nian-7 · 8 months ago

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HAIII!! it’s me vani from the matchup requests hehehe (if u remember…but it’s okay if u dont lawl) i really love all your writings from almost all the fandoms you write for!! i think it’s probably your writing style which makes me really like your writings alot maybe?? basically, I LOVE YOUR BLOG ALOT N YOU SEEM RLLY COOL TOO!! :3c

also, I’d like to be friends w/ you aswell even though im literally a blank/empty blog…(；ω；) (sort of planning to probably post something soon tho, but im not sure when…)

ALSO NOW I WANNA REQUEST FOR SMTH NOW SOOO can i request letters A, G, I, K, & Q from the sfw alphabet with satsuki and anne??? thank you so much in advance! have a great day! ☆ (also love ur new theme btw :33)

HI VANI!! i do remember you, yes. i'm not that bad with names thankfully... BUT OFC WE CAN BE FRIENDS!! i'll be looking forward to whatever you post on your blog but i hope you enjoy your request!

Anne, Satsuki x gn!reader

✧fluff alphabet (a, g, i, k, q)

Affection (pda? how do they like physical affection?)

-Anne loves physical affection. It's always something they love to indulge in. Whether that's grabbing your face to turn it towards them for a kiss or just having their hand intertwined with yours.

Gentle (how gentle are they with you?)

-Super gentle! You're their lover after all, why would they want to be rough with you when they love you so much? Always touching you so sweetly and giving you kisses that are full of love always. They're a little playful but they're always gentle.

Impression (their first impression of you)

-I'm very certain that Anne notices your style out of everything first. Your style is what draws them to you in the first place so their first impression is based on how much they're into your style more than how you actually look.

Kisses (how do they kiss you? where?)

-Usually your cheeks or lips are preferred. They love leaving lipstick marks on your cheeks and they especially love it if you have squishy cheeks! It's always got an underlying playfulness when they kiss you but it's always full of love.

Quality Time (do they enjoy it? how do they like to spend it?)

-Of course! Lots of dates are in order when you date Anne. Usually they consist of going out rather than staying it. They love to spend time with you and they consider it all a 'date' whenever they spend one on one time with you.

Affection (pda? how do they like physical affection?)

-Super duper embarrassed about it... Satsuki loves affection, especially from you, but he can't help but feel extremely embarrassed. PDA isn't something he always prefers and would like smaller affections when it's in public.

-In private though? Go wild. He loves it all even when he's red as a tomato. Like a sponge soaking up all the affection he can get from you. Pouts a little when you stop...

Gentle (how gentle are they with you?)

-Again, super duper gentle. He treats you like you're about to break sometimes and he becomes the biggest softie around you. He can't help it!! You're just so special to him that he can't bare the thought of accidentally hurting you!

Impression (their first impression of you)

-His first impression of you can go one of two ways, it just depends on what you want to see it as.

-Either one, he finds you interesting and/or cool and is interested in befriending you at some point. Maybe you met through a mutual friend so he was trying not to intimidate you... (if you prefer a sort of slow-burn story)

-Or.. love at first sight. Absolutely smitten by you in every way. Your laugh, your smile, your face, and whatever else he sees before he gets caught staring like an idiot...

Kisses (how do they kiss you? where?)

-Anywhere and everywhere is okay with Satsuki. He loves kissing you (even if he's too embarrassed to even initiate it...) so he doesn't even care where he's kissing you as long as he is kissing you.

Quality Time (do they enjoy it? how do they like to spend it?)

-He loves quality time. Much less embarrassing than physical touch or words of affirmation although he loves both of those things a lot. Just being in your presence is enough to make his day and he loves to go on dates with you.

please do not repost any of my work without my permission, thank you for reading.

#fluff #x reader #gender neutral reader #paradox live x reader #paradox live #anne faulkner x reader #anne x reader #anne faulkner #satsuki x reader #satsuki ito #satsuki ito x reader

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luvistqrzzz · 2 years ago

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･˳ . ⋆ these days i am taken back to the summer we loved

loving you losing you- jay one shot

pairing- jay x f.reader

summary- loving jay was like a dream, a dream so happy you knew he wasn't yours...

or where jay tried to break away from the system of soulmates but fate had other plans for him... and you.

genre- strangers to not lovers (uh oh), soulmate!au, college!au, first love, fluff, angst

word count- 7.7K (can yall hear me scream outta joy??)

warnings- profanity, mentions of drinking, my writing (lawl), sad ending (sorry not sorry)

taglist- @en-chantedtomeetyou

A/N- happy belated jay day <33!! Omfg my first ever oneshot?? I still cant believe i just had the motivation to finish this wip😭😭... its my first time ever writing a long fic so it maybe a bit all over the place but i really enjoyed writing this hehehe! So i hope yall enjoy this :((! try listening to this playlist for more feels it really helped me in the writing process! the beach scene is slightly inspired from 2521

note- this is purely a work of fiction and in no means depicts the idols' real personalities or the relationships between them.

･˳ . ⋆ subtle loneliness

Jay was never the one to believe in fate or destiny or even the fact that there was something like an 'other half. Despite having parents who loved each other and having their soulmate link, Jay never bought it. In a world where every individual was connected to another through some link, be it matching tattoos or the ability to feel someone's pain, he hadn't found his.

For him, it was bullshit. Who even was fate to decide whom he loved? ('Well, no one but, honey, you can't meddle with how it's meant to be', he still remembers his mother's words.)

Maybe as a kid, Jay used to sit long hours in his bedroom, willing to feel his soulmate's link, search for any tattoo and even write on his palm with hopes they'd reply.

Nothing ever happened and as he started growing older, he saw people around him meet their soulmate, he saw the way their eyes lighted up in their mention or the way they used to talk about their other halves.

He grew distant... different. It wasn't easy to be always the odd one out.

Even as Jay tried to go against it and casually date people in his high school, he realized how true his parents were. It never felt right, the feelings were never there and even if they were, they died too soon. In the end, he was left alone.

Which brought us to the present time of Jay's 3rd year in college. He sat on a creaky cafeteria chair observing his friends. Heeseung was busy on his phone messaging his soulmate, Yunjin,. Jake and Lily sat across him, laughing at something Sunghoon just said, their matching flower tattoo glowing dimly.

Looking at them, he felt this sort of loneliness fill in him, the type which made him want to runaway from his life. He had loving and supportive parents and friends who wouldn't leave him but deep down, Jay felt empty. Empty because despite his opposition against the system of soulmates, he knew he yearned for one. He yearned for someone who'd understand him, someone with whom he could share the love he saw in his parents.

'Yo bro, you going to the party today?' Heeseung's voice cut through Jay's thoughts.

'What-? Oh at Yeonjun's place right?'

'Yep', Sunghoon replied getting up. 'Time to get highh- ouch!' He exclaimed as Sunoo smacked his head from behind.

'Shut up, pretty boy. I ain't taking you home', the latter said, walking past the table where they sat.

'Oh c'mon Sun!' Sunghoon whined, following his boyfriend out of the college canteen.

Jay chuckled at their antics. It was almost... cute, he couldn't lie.

Keep reading

･˳ . ⋆ deep conversations with a drunk stranger

You weren't supposed to be at the party. Hell, you should have been studying for a test scheduled next week but being friends with Somi did have its disadvantages. Such as being dragged to some college party as the designated driver.

It wasn't like you hated parties. Quite honestly, you thought they were sort of fun and sometimes getting drunk seemed like the perfect option. But on that particular Friday night, you wanted to be anywhere but at your senior Yeonjun's house.

'Y/N it'll be fun i promise!' Somi begged you, dragging you out from her car to his door. 'No. You are just there to hook up with some guy.'

'Whatever. I am loyal to my soulmate!' She stuck out her tongue whilst pointing towards the black ink on her forearm.

'And who knows', Somi said, entering the house which was presently filled with half-drunk college students. 'Maybeee you could meet your soulmate today.'

You sighed, pushing past people, at the same time waving and smiling to some. 'Sure. My link-less soulmate', you replied sarcastically.

You realized she was leading you to the kitchen which was comparatively quieter but you could still spot a couple out in the distance.

'Hello ladies! What would you like in this fine evening?' The person sitting at the bar counter said, spotting you both.

'Hey Sunghoon, what you got?' You best friend asked the boy leaning against the counter.

'Some beer if you wanna stay with your senses or maybe something stronger. What about my specialty? It has been a hit today.' 'Fine... Lemme judge your bartender skills.

He turned towards you, 'And for you...?' 'Water because I need to drive this bitch back to dorms', You gave the blonde haired girl beside you a pointed look.

She grinned before her eyes squinted, following some guy. 'Ay sunghoon! You know that boy, standing 9 o'clock? Is he taken?'

'That's... Beomgyu. And no, lucky for you, he is pretty single.'

She clapped her hands, almost like scheming her plan. 'See you later, bestie!' Somi gave you a flying kiss, taking her drink from the counter and walking down the hallway.

You sighed, being left alone, your other friend Gaeul was down with a bad flu. You gave Sunghoon a tight lippped smile, accepting a glass of water.

An hour later, you found yourself moving to the backyard of the house. After spending an excruciatingly painful time trying to strike conversation with drunk students and avoiding being pulled into the dancing crowd, you escaped.

The night had cooled down a bit and the spring breeze hit your face, you walked up to the open. But what you didn't see was the figure already sitting in the dark.

'You can sit down if you want to.' You flinched at the sudden voice, turning to face the boy sitting down on the empty backyard.

You considered your options. You could go inside into a crowded party and not have to have a one on one conversation with a stranger. Or maybe you could avoid all the noise and do some small talk with a person who was kind enough to even offer you a seat.

You nodded, seating yourself down beside the boy on the steps. Only then did you notice who he was, 'Park Jay...?'

'Oh, so you know me?' You shrugged in reply. You had heard of him, the handsome and studious guy and spotted him in passing.

It was the first time you had ever seen Jay up close. And to be honest, he was just as gorgeous as you had heard people around you gush, maybe even more.

Almost as if you could look at him the entire day without getting bored.

The boy beside you questioned, 'And you are?' 'Y/N. We are in the same year, in case you're wondering', you added, half knowing what his next question could have been.

'Nice to meet you, Y/N', he extended his hand, giving a wide drunken grin. You shook his hand. It was the first time you had seen him smile because all the other times were from some other end of a college hallway. And you wouldn't lie, it suited his otherwise serious face.

A comfortable silence settled between you two for a while. You both looked ahead. Jay looked up as if counting the stars and you stared at the small garden. You could hear crickets chirp in the distance. And if it weren't for the fact that you had a friend to drive home to, you would have snuggled up in the back yard and slept.

'So, Y/N', Jay's voice suddenly boomed around your environment, as if crushing the calmth which surrounded you both. 'Do you believe in soulmates?'

This caught you off guard. Why would even a stranger be asking you this? 'Uh, that's... random.'

'Just answer me. I'm tired and I wanna talk to someone', he replied, somewhat impatiently.

I mean, what harm could it be? It was a typical topic of conversation and you needed some distraction to keep yourself awake.

Sitting up straighter, you looked towards him whose eyes were distant. 'Well, yep, I do.'

'You must be one of those lucky people who found their soulmates early in life, huh?' He whispered under his breath, not meaning you to listen.

'Actually no', you replied calmy. 'I... don't have a soulmate. Or even a link for that matter.'

It didn't faze you anymore. The fact that you didn't feel any physical or mental signs of a soulmate. Some people did consider it weird. But it was all okay for you.

Jay's head quickly turned towards you. 'So, there are people like me?'

'I'm sorry?' 'Guess I'm just like you, Y/N.'

Your stomach flipped at the new information. You hadn't thought of ever meeting someone who had much the same problem as yours. 'Oh. That's well... new?' 'Why do you still believe in it?' He asked further.

'Why not? Imagine being with someone who understands you so much that it's crazy. Don't you think it's pretty amazing how two people are connected since birth, destined to meet? I feel that's kinda magical. In a cruel world, sometimes it's worth believing in fairytales.' Jay's eyes were closed but he was listening to every single thing. Almost as if your voice was calming him down, putting a stop to his racing thoughts.

You then added, 'You aren't different, Jay. You just need some time.' Well, this is what you always said to yourself.

'But what about my soulmate? What are they waiting for?' he opened his eyes and you noticed how dark his eyes were but they held a soft subtle innocence in them. Even though Jay had a casual smile on his face, his eyes said otherwise.

You weren't an expert in reading people but you thought you saw a bitter loneliness in his eyes. It reminded you of yourself, which made sense. And for some reason it made you feel sad too, it made you want to take away his sadness.

'They are there somewhere. Don't worry about them. And I hope you find them, just at the right time. Just when you need them. It's hard I know, to go about your day seeing all the people around you together.' You trailed, checking the time. 'Oh fuck! I think I need to jet. Gotta save my friend from making bad decisions', you chuckled, getting up.

'Can you read my mind, Y/N?' Jay wondered. You laughed, 'Oh yes! I'm secretly a psychic. Bye for now, Park Jay.' You waved him goodbye, your thoughts slowly getting occupied with those concerning Somi as you made your way down the hallway.

Jay muttered a small adieu, his face resting on his cheek. He felt lighter and giddier for some reason. Like, excited to meet you again. Something in the way you talked made him listen to your voice again and again.

･˳ . ⋆ almost... complete

Jay didn't believe in fate but after that night he hoped that he could see you again. Even if it was just to talk to you once. All he knew was your name. He was starting to forget your face which he had seen in the dark in a drunken haze.

He may have almost forgotten the sound of your voice a month later if it hadn't been a somewhat familiar voice calling out to him when he was somewhere in the depths of sleep.

'Uh sir, excuse me. We are about to close', you said, lightly tapping the shoulder of the boy who seemed to be asleep, his face down on the table of the cafe where you worked. All around him were pages and books and his laptop was wide open beside him, its screen dark. Typical college student things you could relate to.

Since starting your shift three hours ago, you had seen him in this position. Your only hoped that he hadn't fainted or anything due college pressure. That may have caused you some trouble.

The person before you slowly started to stir after your continuous calls. It was almost 11pm and you couldn't afford to be late to an early class tomorrow.

Seeing him lift his head off the table, you moved away.

'Who wha-' Jay yawned, rubbing his eyes to see his surroundings only to find your widened eyes staring at his sleepy form. His stomach dropped at your sight, moreover at the thought of you finding him sleeping like that. 'Oh fuc-' he hastily patted his hair and wiped his chin for any signs of him drooling.

You tried to hold back your laugh upon seeing him so flustered. You wouldn't lie, he did look adorable, quite a contrast to studious and mysterious vibe he had going on. 'Jay, we meet again.'

'You work here?' 'I mean, I wouldn't be wearing the barista's uniform if I didn't', you replied teasingly.

'Sorry. My bad', he rubbed his forehead. 'How long was I asleep?'

'More than three hours for sure. It's closing time and everyone has left. I suggest you pack up', you pointed at the mess on his table.

He realized what he had done. Slept when he should have been completing his assignment. 'No. It's due today', he whispered to himself, softly banging his head on the table.

'Here', you came from behind the counter and placed a cup of coffee in front of him. 'In case you need to pull an all nighter. This really helps.'

Jay quickly sat up seeing you. He was taken aback, 'I- uh can't accept this.' 'You have to. Now, quick, I need to go back home', you said, closing any room for arguments.

Jay awkwardly stood beside you, finishing his coffee as you locked the cafe. Patting the lock twice as a part of an old habit, you started walking with Jay following in tow.

You wouldn't lie, you were kind of nervous by his presence, you didn't even know why. Plus you were at loss of what to say.

Okay, maybe that wasn't the case... you did have questions for him like why was he so tired, what was his major, who gave him even the permission to look so attractive without even trying- (oh, that wasn't part of the script). Hell, you wanted to know him better and maybe even befriend him. And of course, you hadn't been thinking of him a lot since that one Friday night (ps, it's a lie).

'Sooo', you stopped in your tracks in an attempt to start up a conversation. 'Tough week?' Jay chuckled, catching up to your position, 'You know, you don't have to start a conversation just because we are so awkward.'

Fuck? Your cheeks turned pink in embarrassment, 'Uh-' 'But yep, I haven't had proper sleep in a while. Just have these assignments piling up which sucks.' He let out an exasperated sigh, 'Be a business major, my dad said, it'll be fun.'

'I can assure you that a creative writing major ain't any better', you rolled your eyes, walking up to the bus stop.

'Wait that's so cool!' Jay exclaimed and he meant it. He wasn't at all the creative type and he really marveled at how people could make others feel so much with words.

'Uhh it isn't as cool as it sounds', you scrunched your nose in disgust. Jay couldn't help but feel his stomach do a back flip at your expression. Dude, what is wrong with you? Why are you being a creep? His inner voice scolded him.

'But yea, it's fun when I'm not drowning in- oh the bus is here!' You announced looking at the familiar last bus that ran to your apartment.

You got in, finding a mostly empty vehicle aside from two sleeping college students and a man returning from work. You turned back, raising your hand to wave at Jay only to find him climbing behind you.

'Wait you live south of the campus too?' You asked, confused.

Jay made a surprised face, 'Ah yes! Just a bit farther away from there.' 'Weird I haven't ever seen you in this route.'

He laughed, which you assumed to be, nervously before going a taking the window seat.

You stood their in the aisle wondering whether to just sit beside him or take another one. You knew you should just find another place, considering how empty the bus was but weren't you both having a conversation?

A conversation you didn't want to end...

Jay didn't expect to feel a presence beside him as he looked out of the bus window. Surprised, he turned to look at you staring back at him.

When you saw him looking at you, you quickly ducked your head and cleared your throat, 'Ahem, so as I was saying...' you trailed, questioning whether he wanted to hear your useless banter.

'... About writing? Tell me more about it', Jay eagerly completed for you.

A small smile grew on your face. 'Tell me when you get bored, okay?' You jokingly warned him. I could never get bored of you talking, he thought but nodded nonetheless.

'Well, this would be me', you said, seeing the bus near the stop situated just a block or two away from your apartment. 'Where do you live?' You asked him as you took your bag.

'Uh', the boy stuttered for a second. 'The... next stop yep', Jay gave you a smile, internally slapping himself for the answer.

'Oh', you nodded. 'It was... nice talking to you, again.'

'I'm pretty sure the first time doesn't count', he chuckled. 'Message me once you reach home', he blurted out and then realized what he had just said. He wasn't even as close as a friend to say something like that, what was he thinking?

You felt your cheeks warm at his concern (?). Honestly, you found it very cute. 'Sure Mom', you teased him. 'Bye Park Jay!' You waved, getting down.

His lips quirked upwards, waving back to your slowly disappearing figure before taking out his phone and checking where he was. He had never, for the life of him, even ventured into this side of the town. Mostly he didn't have any need to.

Yes, he had just taken a different route and ended up quite far away from his dorms. All because he didn't want to let a chance go to talk to you.

After he was out of the bus and sitting on a bench, the dim streetlight shining on him, Jay sighed waiting for his cab and rested his head on his cheeks, he wondered out loud, 'what is happening to me?'

He knew it wasn't normal for him to be like this, use up the time talking to you when he should be doing his assignment. But you had an aura around yourself, something about the way you talked, the things you talked about, all seemed to pull Jay towards you. He had noticed the way your eyes sparkled when speaking about something you loved and how you were just as attentive to hear him rant.

He wasn't used to feeling like this, almost... complete.

･˳ . ⋆ against all odds

After that day, you talked to Jay almost everyday. Be it long deep text conversations or a good morning or have a nice day across the hallways, he could always find you somewhere. Sometimes you both ditched your friend groups to have lunch together because it was kind of boring to sit there with couples all around, you both claimed. Somedays you studied together at the library where you found yourself taking small nervous glances at his concentrated face.

But, at least for you, you just enjoyed his presence. Enjoyed how easy it was to strike a conversation with him, talk to him like old friends. Enjoyed how despite being kind of serious, Jay was very funny and he always found a way to make you cringe with him dad jokes.

It was all the small little things about him that just made it harder to not adore him. Like when the time he was willing to take abandoned kitten homes despite being allergic to them. Or when he tried the coffee flavors you were experimenting with, even though, they all tasted awful.

It didn't mean anything else, right...? we are just friends for God's sake! you told yourself. But then why were you feeling giddy at the sight of him walking up to you? Why did you feel your stomach do a sudden turn as he neared you, a soft smile on his face?

'Ready?' Jay asked. You nodded and noticed how casual yet handsome he looked with an oversized t-shirt and shorts. Well, he knew just how to pull any look. ('You know, you could have just chosen a fashion major', you had said to Jay once when he was contemplating his life choices).

'Let's go!' You exclaimed, skipping your way ahead of him. He chuckled behind you, feeling his heart warm at your childish action but then grumbled about how crowded it'd be at the Uni's summer festival. You turned to face him and stuck out your tongue, 'Too late to cop out now!'

You thought it was kind of a crime that Jay hadn't ever been to the festival in the past two years (for his defense, he said that the it was filled with soulmates. 'How can you know if you haven't ever gone there?' You counter questioned him). So, this year you took it up to yourself to drag the boy.

However, surprisingly, it wasn't as hard to convince him as you had expected, just a bribe to treat him to free coffee every week and win him something from the fair.

So, there you both were, walking through the festival, with various stalls set up by the students. You could see Somi in the kissing booth and Gaeul was probably somewhere with her soulmate, Hueningkai, hosting a bake sale.

'How do you like it?' You asked Jay, walking side by side while searching for the game stalls. 'It's... okay. But hey, I was right, this place is filled with soulmates.'

'Omg c'mon now! Let them be. Just because we haven't found ours doesn't mean you have to be so anti-romantic', you playfully slapped his shoulder. 'There it is!' You spotted it, pointing at the ring toss game.

You pulled him through the crowd. Jay noticed the way your hand was tugging at his wrist and he felt a jolt of electricity run through his body at the contact.

'Oh Jake?!' You exclaimed upon seeing Jay's friend at the stall.

'Y/N!' He replied enthusiastically. You hadn't hung out with his friends much but the times you had they had been nothing but warm, especially Jake who was always willing to talk to you.

'What are you doing here?' Jay asked in a flat voice. 'Making money, mate.'

The Australian guy then noticed your hand circled around his and wiggled his eyebrows at his friend. Realizing what he was implying, you quickly dropped his hand, embarrassed.

'One ticket for the game', the tall boy beside you said, breaking the awkward atmosphere that had settled and taking out his wallet.

'Hey! I pay', you scolded him. He turned to look at you with bored eyes, 'Yeah right, no way.'

You sputtered, 'B-but I forced you to come here, I should pa-' 'Which gives me even more reason to pay because you did succeed.'

You grumbled, defeated and knowing how stubborn he could be.

'So, you get four chances with one ticket', Jake said, handing you four rings. 'Make all these four through the pegs and you get a prize. A smaller prize if you get three pegs down.'

You nodded, determined to win.

What followed was your very hard attempt to throw those rings in place. You didn't realize how bad of a hand-eye coordination you had until only one of the rings made it to the peg. 'Fuck! Wait I don't get anything for one?' Jake shook his head, giving a sad smile.

Beside you, Jay chuckled, 'Tried your luck? Let's go.'

'Nope! One more ticket', you took out the money from your bag, beating Jay to it. 'Okay phew!' You prepared yourself, tying your hair.

Jake cheered, 'Y/N you can do it!'

You couldn't. 'Nooo! What the hell!' You cried in defeat, looking at the four hoops that had landed at different places, one even hitting Jake on his head.

'Oh God. You are terrible at this. Here, lemme show you', Jay said obviously done with how poorly you had performed. 'Last round.'

He came behind you, one hand touching your shoulder and the other one holding your hand. You stiffened at it, feeling his breath near your ear.

This was normal, right? Normal for a friend to touch your hands oh so gently and guide it so that you could win the prize?

But I have already won my prize you thought, turning your head to look at him carefully instructing you, his eyes on the game. You didn't know how to stop the blush from settling, seeing Jay so close, his dark eyes sparkling in the setting sun. It felt almost... magical.

Magical but deep down you knew, wrong because he wasn't your soulmate and you weren't his.

In the daze you were in, you didn't realize when and how he had put four rings through the hoop. 'There!' He exclaimed, removing his hand from your. 'That's how you do it', Jay said, flicking your forehead.

'Ouch!' You tried your best to break away from your thoughts, shaking your head and making a face of fake annoyance. 'But ugh-!' You pouted. 'I wanted to win it for you!' You whined

He chuckled, taking a plushie, 'You can still claim it like you won it for me, hm?'

'Fine.' You snatched it from him, turned around for a second before offering it to him, 'My dear friend Park Jay, here is my bribe for bringing you here. Please accept this little offering for I have won it with all my blood, sweat and tears!' You proclaimed proudly.

Yea, quite some eyes turned to your direction but you didn't really mind it. Jay cracked up, before pulling you away from the game stall, 'C'mon noe. Gosh, dramatic much?'

You grinned, 'Only for you.' Playfully bumping your shoulder with his.

He brushed it off but his mind was somehow stuck at your earlier three words. only for... him? It shouldn't account to much, but it did.

After going around the festival for another half an hour, greeting some of your friends, (forcibly) eating the burnt cookies Gaeul had made and stuffing your mouths with some much better food, you both made your way to the open area where the live band took place. It was the star attraction and your college was pretty famous for it.

The best thing was that anyone could come up on stage and sing their hearts out and the audience would follow them. Even before starting college, you used to come there alone to enjoy the vibe.

And now you had Jay with you.

Night had fallen by the time the first band stepped up, hyping up the crowd. Luckily, it was a clear evening, the stars shining bright as the songs started flowing in.

The first few were soft melodies, you swayed your body to the beat and watched Jay standing beside you, his eyes on the stage. You wanted to decipher what they said. Were they mesmerized? Did he feel bored? Was he thinking of something?

Jay wasn't a very expressive person. The only time you had seen him in a fully vulnerable state, filled with feelings, was the night you met him. But you didn't want him to be like that, you didn't want him to hold back his emotions.

So, you took his hand. Jay, surprised, turned to face you. You shrugged and smiled, raising his hand with yours, moving it with the song.

While you closed your eyes, he was still looking at you, his lips parted apart which slowly turned into a small smile. He studied your features one by one, eyes filled with adoration.

And that is when Jay realized. He didn't need any soulmate or his other half if he could spend all his time with you. Like, at that moment how you both were dancing to some fast track; panting, screaming and shouting like everyone else. He didn't need anything else if he could see you smiling, staring into his eyes with orbs filled with joy.

There may not be fate connecting you and Jay but it was fate that had brought you to him and at that moment he felt he wouldn't give up on you, even if he found his soulmate.

'And for the next song, I'll request you to partner up with your soulmate and if you haven't found yours, grab the person who's closest to you', the lead singer said.

Before you could look for a friend or anyone, Jay turned you towards him. 'The person nearest to me, you', he whispered, pulling you a bit closer. You nodded, feeling butterflies going wild in your stomach, unable to look anywhere but his face.

A guitar started to strum in the background and the low, sad voice of the singer followed it. It was a familiar song.

Jay bathed in the lyrics of the song, singing along to Jaurim's 'Til Death Do Us Apart'. You placed a hand on his shoulder and intertwined the other with his fingers. He looked into your eyes, '죽음이 우리를 갈라놓을 때까지 (i'll not let go of your hand that i take).'

'오, 그대여 내 손을 잡아요 (my dear, hold my hand)

이제는 혼자가 아니야 (you're no longer alone)'

You didn't know what passed between you both at that moment but you realized that somewhere along the past few weeks, you had crossed the line of being mere friends with Jay, or rather your feelings had.

Or else you wouldn't be resting your head on his shoulder, feeling his voice flow into your ears like some age old melody you had been searching for...

'Til the death do us apart

'Til the end of the world...'

Later that night, Jay lay awake on his bed, thinking back to the feelings that had dawned on him. He felt a smile make the way to his face as he thought of you. The way you lighted up the world or rather his. He hadn't ever felt so connected to a person. He knew that the feelings he had been harbouring were more than just passing emotions.

Could it be possible...? Possible that you were what he was searching for the entire time. Neither of you had a link, so it could make sense. Jay sat up, the sheets rustling under him.

'Bro, sleep and wipe the lovesick smirk off your face', Heeseung yawned from beside him. 'No I'm not-' he tried protesting.

The other boy turned to face him with a deadpanned look, 'You look different. As in, happier.'

'What...' Jay was confused, he didn't feel that way.. okay maybe that was a big fat lie, he did feel... well, something!

'You know well enough what I mean, Park. Don't act like we are blind to you and Y/N. See, Jay, you have always been kind of a... how do I explain it? Somewhat of a pessimistic sad person, using sarcasm to mask yourself, which I totally understand. But these days, dude, you are more open and free and I think it's because of her...'

Jay didn't know how to react. Heeseung was right. He did feel like meeting you sort of took away the sense of loneliness set deep within him. Not only because you were like him but also because you were you. Always attempting to have fun, to pull Jay out with you, like that one time you both dance in the rain with your friends even though normally he would never. You had a subtle wild and playful side to your deep persona.

'Do you... do you think we could actually be together if I tried?' He asked his friend, his eyes on the dark ceiling.

'Now I don't know the chances of her being your soulmate but even if she isn't, do you want to take the chance to be with her? It's up to you, Jay.'

He was right. There was no gurantee that you both were meant to be but he was willing. He was willing to take the chance.

Against all odds..

･˳ . ⋆ maybe this moment would last forever

In the days that followed the night of the festival, Jay seemed changed, but in a good way or so you hoped. You noticed, in small ways, how he smiled more often, seemed happier when around you and randomly gave you compliments. Jay was a naturally helpful person but somedays you could find him waiting outside your class or walking you home which was quite afar from his, despite your protests. ('See as a good friend, it is my duty to accompany you back home late at night', he said once. You had scoffed, 'Speak for yourself, Park. You are literally scared of everything.')

This was unlike him but what was unlike you was that you liked it. You liked how he made you feel- giddy, excited and blushing. You had had fleeting crushes before but with Jay it was something more because with each little interaction, you found yourself falling more and more.

Love was a strong word and for someone who had never got a sign from their soulmate, you were even more wary of it. In fact, you couldn't even say how it felt. Did it feel the way your parents used to cook dinner together in the kitchen, looking into each other's eyes, having some secret moment pass between them?

'Hey, Y/N', Jay called out to you in a low whisper as you both sat at a secluded corner of the library. You looked up from the short story you were working on for the past hour. It was due in a few days and you were stuck at just the most crucial part if the story.

'What now?' You questioned, rubbing your forehead in slight frustration for running out of ideas. 'Wanna ditch this for a while?'

'Look, Park, you may be having a nice time with assignments right now but I'm struggling to write the ending', you glared at him despite wanting nothing more than to close your laptop shut.

He clicked his tongue, 'Which gives us even more reason to have a little fun, hm?' 'Since when do you give up on our studying session?! You asked, confused at what he was saying. 'It's my job to take you on random adventures!'

How can I even study when you're the only thing in my mind? He thought but replied, 'Guess I should take over your position. Now, give yourself a break, Y/N.'

You sighed but gave in. A break wouldn't hurt... right? Plus, it was Jay so you knew you would have said agreed after some persuasion.

'Where are we going? Are you kidnapping me?' You demanded, packing your things. He winked, 'You'll see.' Your heart did a flip at his action and you couldn't help but wonder what had been taking over your friend (? Or crush? Or the literal love of your life?) for the past days.

'Okay, is this a trap to drive me to my death?' You huffed, sitting in Jay's car, remembering that one time he had offered to drive you home and you had to take over the wheel considering how bad he was driving.

'Don't worry, I don't drive that bad. Trust me.' 'The only thing I cannot do', You lied.

'Are we going...' You trailed, turning your face away from the rapidly changing scenery and looking towards the boy heavily concentrated on the road. He gave a quick smile, 'To the beach? Yep.'

'You know, I could have driven us to there too', you protested seeing how tensed he looked. 'But I wanted to kind of... surprise you', he muttered.

You stopped, staring at his face. God, you couldn't even help it but to giggle at his words. 'Caught you there, didn't I?' He smirked.

You whispered, not meaning him to hear you, 'You did...

You felt his hand on yours. 'Focus on driving, dummy.' But he didn't remove it. A blush caught in your cheeks as you rested your head on the seat, looking ahead. It was almost 6 in the evening but the sun was still up there, thanks to summer.

The beach was quite far from the campus but a mundane happiness filled you, driving down the empty roads, singing along to the music playing. You could hear Jay's soft voice sing under his breath as he slowly gained confidence in his driving. 'You should sing more often, Jay.' it sounds like honey.

'Finally!' You exclaimed, jumping out of the car and seeing the beach spread before you. You squinted your eyes in confusion, 'But why is this so empty?'

Jay came up behind you, taking your hand, 'I drove us to a quieter part. I accidentally discovered it during my first year when me and Sunghoon bunked our classes. Let's go!'

'You know we could get sick, Y/N!' Jay screamed at you as you splashed water all over his shirt.

You teased him, 'Too late! You suggested that we- yah!' You shouted as he suddenly attacked you. He laughed at your shocked face.

'Park, you'll pay!' You warned, searching the sand for anything you could find.

'What are you doing?', he asked, curious before widening his eyes at the sight of you picking up a stray rock and readying yourself to chase him. 'Are you crazy?' He ran in the opposite direction.

Jay turned around to find you catching up to him, laughing, the rock held high up your hand. The wind blew your hair in different directions and the sun casting beautiful patterns on your face. Jay thought he hadn't seen a sight so free before.

He fumbled for his phone, taking it out and snapping a picture before you could protest. 'Delete that!' You demanded, upon reaching him and softly hitting him with the stone.

Jay shook his head, pulling you with him closer to the shore, the waves washing up to your feet and the feeling of the sand slipping under you. 'God, I missed this so much!' You muttered to yourself. 'And I missed feeling so complete', he said.

Your face lighted up at his words. He was a lonely boy and you were a lonely girl but maybe that is what completed your friendship. You both were so alike that you loved small differences you shared.

'What are we? Kids?' Jay asked, sitting beside you in front of his car, waiting for the fireworks.

'Maybe. But I liked this. I like feeling like we are some dumb 10 year olds instead of adults', you said looking ahead at the horizon and reflecting back on the past hour where you both ran around the shore, writing your names on the sand, drenching each other in water and bathing in the happiness that those moments brought.

It felt special, like you didn't want to let it go. 'God, why do I feel like this moment would last forever?' You wondered out loud, a sinking feeling in your stomach knowing how it will end in a matter of few minutes. 'Maybe it will.' Jay scooted closer to you, resting his head on your shoulder.

You looked down at his soft hair and grinning face and put your hand around his shoulder and nervously put your head on his.

For once, you seem to forgot that he wasn't your soulmate, you just wanted to convince yourself that maybe... just maybe Jay could be the one.

You now think how foolish you were to be blinded by those delusions.

'You once said I'll meet my soulmate just at the right time. I guess that didn't happen but I met you, just at the right time. I don't think I want to give up on being twenty or in love with you. I want this summer to last forever, I want us to last forever', his voice came like a soft whisper, the words blending into each other inside your brain as you tried to process what he had just said. You stared back at him, your heart leaping at what he had just said.

The four lettered word you had been scared of. But at that very moment, you thought love found a meaning for you. At that very moment when you saw Jay's face nearing yours, his eyes sparkling with some hidden thought.

However, you knew what they said. Love. 'I love you-' He couldn't complete it because the next moment, you cupped his face, pulling him closer into a kiss.

And that's when you found the meaning of love. It was simple, soft like landing on a bed of feathers, but it was also like a spark, like the fireworks you could hear in the distance as his lips moved in sync with yours in the dying light of the summer, saying the words you don't think you'll ever have the courage to utter. Love was a grand thing but sometimes it just meant spending a summer evening at the beach, letting the feeling of youth wash over you. Sometimes it meant playing a game you couldn't win.

And it was also the moment when you understood what heartbreak felt like because after you broke the kiss, resting your forehead on his, your breaths the only sound you could hear, something caught your eyes. It was Jay's finger that was tracing your cheeks.

It was a red string, so thin, barely visible. The red string of fate, that connected two souls together and that's when you saw, it wasn't connected to your finger...

He wasn't yours to keep.

･˳ . ⋆ letting you go

'Y/N, wait, can... we just... talk?' A voice called out to you from across the almost empty hallway.

His voice.

You stopped in your tracks, a familiar feeling of sadness taking over you. Over the past week, you had tried everything to avoid Jay, to keep him at bay.

The car ride back from the beach was silent, he had been way too shaken to say anything and kept glancing at the red thread emerging from his finger. His soulmate link, something he had searched for ever but it only came when he wanted it to disappear.

Through the long journey, you had made up your mind. That you weren't his soulmate, no matter how either of you felt. And you wouldn't be the one to hold him back.

'What is there to talk?' You asked bitterly, feeling his hand turning you to face him.

'Why have you been avoiding me? Di-did that kiss mean nothing?' Jay's voice broke.

'It meant everything to me-' '- then why?! Are you scared of this?' He pointed at his finger. 'You know I have tried everything to make it go. I have searched online to see what to do with it but I just can't find anything! That's how much I want to be with you, Y/N', he said, desperation seeping into his voice.

'But Jay, we aren't meant to be. I don't want to take you from someone who really deserves you. Don't you see, it will-' You took a deep breath, controlling the tears welling in your eyes. 'It will hurt us both.'

He took your hand, pulling your chin to face his eyes, 'We'll make it work, love. I cannot let a stupid thread decide who I love. Please.'

His please quite literally broke you from the inside and you couldn't help but let one drop of tear roll past your cheek. No one said how hard it could be to fall for the wrong boy. The boy whose line of fate didn't collide with yours.

No one said that letting him go, for both of your happiness would be one the hardest things ever. And maybe because you loved him, you uttered the next few words, 'No. I will not live my life as a regret, thinking I stole you from someone. I have to let go, Jay. You should too.' You pried your hands out of his as Jay's face contorted in sadness, his eyes flickering, unable to hold back his tears.

You couldn't see him cry but mostly you knew you should just withdraw yourself to not cause him anymore pain. You turned around wiping your face and walking away. Away from the one you loved, away from a future you could have had.

･˳ . ⋆ twenty forever

You knew what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to accompany Gaeul to the college reunion party. It had almost been over six years since you had seen your classmates.

Since you had seen... him.

It wasn't like you didn't wanna go, heck, you had missed those friends from the days of college too but you knew he would be there and with him would come back all the memories and love you had tried so hard to suppress. They would overflow, creating a new wound or maybe opening the old one.

And he stands before you, a glass in his hands, giving you a small, almost sad smile. He looks different and yet so same to the Jay you had fallen for.

You remember laughing at his jokes, bickering with him over the stupidest nerdiest topics ever, holding his hand as you both ran in the dark. It all flashes like some film montage. But mostly you remember the night when you met him.

A night which was similar to todays. The night you found him drunk in the backyard. You wonder what would have happened if you hadn't gone to the party, if you hadn't made your way to him.

You'd be a way different person than you were today.

If you try hard enough, you feel like you'll get transported to your memories, where you are still twenty.

His voice comes out soft and tender, 'Thank you, Y/N. Thank you for teaching me how to love and-' He stops, hesitating or rather contemplating whether to say what comes next, 'Thank you for-' '- for being my first love, Jay.'

･˳ . ⋆ In the season when the wind blows and flowers fall, it still seems as if I'm holding your hand...

If you have made it through this mess, drop down a feedback as it really helps! ily and i hope you have a great day/night ^^!!

work belongs to @/luvistqrzzz do not, repost or translate my work.

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