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royalarchivist · 14 days ago

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Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?

Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.

Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.

Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.

This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

———

Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...

Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:

I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?

Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said– I was giving them an analogy.

Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?

I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–

I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.

But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ‘cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–

[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]

Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.

But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again.

[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.

I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.

Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.

Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.

But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m–

Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–

Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?

#Badboyhalo #BBH #Bad #QSMP #January 8 2025 #Edited #I know folks are going to add their two cents on this subject in the tags / comments / replies (and as always you're welcome to do that)#But for the sake of my sanity please don't be an asshole to any of the CCs / ex-admins / fellow fans / anyone else. Thanks #Most folks here don't need a ''Don't be a dumbass'' reminder but I had to block someone for that earlier and it was a bit disappointing #This is going to be a Tumblr exclusive clip because I don't trust Twitter to have common sense or common decency about this topic #Tumblr exclusive #Anyways business aside – that black line on the side is just part of Bad's stream btw. He just Has That #Took too long for this to render otherwise I'd edit it out because it's annoying #I'm just realizing this screenshot doesn't even have Dapper OTL but it's the best one I have so I gotta work with what I got #Honestly; I still miss QSMP dearly... I love the core intent of the project and the multicultural exchange #I love all the language barriers that were broken and I loved all the stories that were told and watching beautiful friendships bloom #But I am still so angry and disappointed about how things ended and all the poor communication and the admin situation as a whole #It's a complicated feeling #I agree with pretty much everything Bad says here #It's ironic that he uses that analogy because I've said almost the exact same thing when explaining why losing any Egg was so devastating #We weren't just mourning for the characters. We were mourning for the admins too #I'll never forget that last stream with Tazercraft and Richas; and Pac ending stream in tears #I wish they'd done away with the Egg life system. I wish they'd done a lot of things differently #If the project ever does come back in some shape or form I hope they are more transparent about things and have better communication #I dunno how I'd feel personally. They would have to do a lot of work regaining people's trust #And frankly I don't think they'll ever regain that trust from a large portion of the community #I remember near the start of QSMP I saw a comment from a fan that simply said ''QSMP; please don't leave me feeling bitter''#I think about that comment a lot

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owl-with-a-pen · 23 days ago

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They could’ve been anywhere for New Year. Literally anywhere – no one was going to blink an eye if you turned up in The Bahamas thirty seconds before midnight with Supergirl as a best friend. In fact, Nia had lost count of the party invites she’d received from acquaintances at best just for being in Kara’s general social circle.

The first proper year since Kara’s identity reveal had gone global and, suffice to say, the dust hadn’t settled just yet.

But no invite came without expectation. In this case, that Supergirl would be a part of the package. Everyone wanted a spectacle. They wanted the suit, the show, the fanfare. Even CatCo’s office party felt a little too intense for Nia’s liking. While most of their co-workers had relaxed into the notion of having Supergirl as their boss, that didn’t stop journalists at rival news stations from practically clawing the doors down, all hungry for the latest scoop into the life of Kara Zor-El.

So, they didn’t spend New Year’s Eve on a beach or a yacht, the roof of a skyscraper or even at CatCo. There was only one place that would’ve felt right – the only place that mattered. Being with the people that mattered.

Which was why Nia found herself snuggled up with Brainy on the Tower’s couch by 5pm. Super suit officially retired for the evening, she lounged about with the rest of her friends in comfortable civilian clothes, wine glass in hand and like a zillion different party games strewn across the coffee table.

Lena and Brainy had both spent the better part of the afternoon poring over the game instructions with the same sort of life-or-death intensity usually reserved for their day jobs, but Nia wasn’t about to complain. Brainy was on her team, after all, which meant that whatever they got around to playing, they were totally going to kill it. She and Brainy were already sat at the champion spot on the game night board – really, the others didn’t stand a chance. Brainy didn’t get all the credit for that, either. Nia’s powers came with some added benefits – like dreaming up specific strategies or figuring out the rules to games they hadn’t even thought of playing yet. She’d gotten pretty good at it, in fact, and no matter what Alex said, it was not cheating.

So long as she didn’t get caught.

“So,” Alex said as she grabbed a beer from the cooler, clinking her bottle against Kara’s glass as she passed. “Your first year without a secret identity. Better or worse than you thought it’d be?”

Kara pulled a face, hiding behind her glass. “Can I answer that after midnight?”

“Staller,” Alex teased, settling down next to Kelly who had already claimed a spot around the coffee table.

“Hey—not fair,” Kara said, speeding over to join them. “I shouldn’t be the only one answering that question, anyway. A lot has happened this year. I mean, the DEO officially started up again, you and Kelly got that new house.” She pointed to Nia and Brainy emphatically. “And you two – you got engaged!”

Nia grinned, leaning forward. “Oh, you mean this?” she asked, brandishing her new Legion ring with pride.

Alex laughed. “We get it, already, your fiancé bestowed you with the power of flight.”

Brainy scoffed. “This ring offers more than just flight.” He scooped Nia’s hand into his as though to demonstrate, linking their fingers together. Nia’s grin widened. “It’s also a psychic blocker and comms device, as well as offering protection against extreme climates found at higher altitudes, otherwise compromising—”

“Show off,” Alex cut in, poking out her tongue.

“Well, I think our engagements rings were pretty perfect,” Kelly said, pecking her wife on the cheek.

“Yeah,” Alex pouted, “but flight.”

Kelly waved her off. “I get nauseous flying anyway.” She prodded the backpack stowed beneath the coffee table with her foot, giving some shape to the folded shield tucked inside. “Guardian stays grounded for a reason.”

“Yes.” Brainy eyed Kelly warmly, sitting upright. “Let me know if that ever changes.”

“I appreciate the suit upgrades, Brainy, really,” Kelly assured him. “But you couldn’t pay me to strap on a pair of wings, or a flight ring for that matter.”

“Understood,” Brainy said, although Nia could tell he hadn’t quite put his flight plans to bed just yet.

When he relaxed back against the sofa, she took the opportunity to claim his lap as her new headrest, making herself comfortable. Their hands remained entwined across her stomach, Brainy’s thumb working gentle circles over her knuckles.

Just before anyone could get too comfy, the elevator doors dinged from across the room and Lena stepped into the loft, her face obscured by an intimidatingly tall stack of pizza boxes. “Pizza’s here,” she announced, struggling to see around the veritable tower in her hands. “There’s more downstairs if anyone has an arm to spare.”

“Well timed, Lena,” J’onn said with a smile. He was already jogging forward, half-phased through the Tower’s floorboards. “I’ll get the rest.”

“Oh,” Lena called out before he could disappear, “I also had to leave the wine in your office.”

J’onn winked before melting through to the level below.

“Prioritising food over alcohol; who are you and what have you done with Lena Luthor?” Alex teased, rising to greet her at the same time as Kara.

“Oh relax, it wasn’t the good stuff,” Lena said as she assigned pizza boxes to the two sisters. “There should still be some of that left over in the pantry downstairs.”

Nia smiled, watching the interaction with absolutely zero intention of moving herself. Instead, she spread out even further across Brainy’s lap, stretching out her arms. “D’you think they ever fight over who gets to deliver here?”

“Why?” Alex asked. “Because we’re superheroes, or because of Lena’s tips?”

“Both.”

Brainy narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “It is highly likely.”

“Oh, come on you two,” Lena called out in exasperation. “Pizza’s getting cold.”

Nia groaned, pushing herself up with a little help from her fiancé. “Fine, fine, we’re coming.”

----

The next few hours passed with ease. They ate and chatted and played way too many high-stakes card games. Brainy was officially banned from poker by 8 o’clock and Nia wasn’t allowed any more pre-game ‘warm up’ naps. She let it slide – she’d been meaning to practice her conscious dream-state, anyway. Besides, by the time the strong stuff came out of the pantry, everyone was playing with every super advantage they had at their disposal.

Nia wasn’t sure what time it was when she felt Brainy begin to grow restless at her side. Without saying anything, she lifted her head from his shoulder, giving him a little more room to work with. Not long after that, he broke away from the circle, heading out to the balcony for some fresh air.

She gave him some time at first, easing back into the conversation, but as the clock ticked closer towards midnight, she knew she needed to check in. After excusing herself, she creaked her way unsubtly up the stairs, finding Brainy exactly where she'd expected him to be – with his arms folded over the balcony’s edge, his chin tipped up towards the stars.

He always looked so peaceful when he was alone like that. His eyes may have been closed, but his mind was wide open. Right now, Nia imagined a million and one thoughts coursing seamlessly through Brainy’s head. To anyone else, the very notion of thinking to that extreme was a one-way ticket to migraine territory. But Brainy revelled in it. His twelve thought tracks were flourishing, broadened to new and exhilarating horizons ever since he’d first removed his inhibitors.

Sure, it had been rocky at first, but with the time to become reacquainted with his own potential, Brainy had only become more certain of himself for it. He’d once tried to explain it to Nia - how it felt for him without the restrictions that had once clouded his mind - and although there was no way she could ever put herself fully in his shoes, the way he had described it had sounded so profound, so freeing, that she’d found herself tearing up long before he’d even finished talking.

To be alone with one’s thoughts took on a whole new meaning for a Coluan, and it was the surest way to calm him whenever he became overwhelmed. Sometimes, especially after being around so many people for so long, Brainy needed to take a step back from it all and recharge his social metre. To find that connection between himself and the Big Brain and to truly nourish it.

It did mean that he often lost track of time. And so, as quietly as she could, Nia padded out to the balcony edge alongside her fiancé, brushing her arm up against his.

He stirred slowly, his lashes catching the starlight as he turned his head, acknowledging her without having to say a word.

Nia stood with him a while in that comfortable silence. The night air felt sobering against her cheeks, and the city below was so alive. Every brightly lit window was a doorway into another world, another person celebrating that step closer to a new year on planet Earth. Down on the ground, the bars were abuzz with people, whole groups spilling out onto the streets with drink in hand, enjoying the mild weather and fragrant breeze.

Nia took in a deep breath, letting it go slowly. “How long do we have?” she murmured.

“Eleven minutes, twenty-nine seconds.”

She grinned. Brainy’s response was as immediate as ever. She tipped her head against his shoulder, relaxing into his warmth. “Kara was right, y’know. This year has been pretty intense. In a good way.”

Brainy’s lips twitched into a faint smile. He lowered his head, pressing a kiss into her hair. “Indeed, it has.”

“Think we’ll top it next year?”

Brainy’s smiled widened. He turned his attention back towards the skyline, scanning it with new vigour. “You wanted a summer wedding, correct?”

“Spring or summer,” Nia said with a shrug, burying her nose firmer into his throat. “So long as the flowers are out. Mom would’ve wanted to see them in bloom.”

Brainy was still mapping the stars ahead, his dark eyes moving rapidly from left to right. There was a secretive edge to his smile, and a far-away look in his expression - one that told her he was already planning something special. He bit his lip, rising proudly where he stood. “Then the year to come will certainly exceed the last.”

Nia buzzed with anticipation; his excitement was infectious, igniting her own. Honestly, she would’ve married him right that second if it hadn’t been for all the hard work they’d put into the wedding plan already. Although, with an officiator in the other room and a bottle of wine already going to her head, she couldn’t deny it was a tempting thought.

She was thrown from that thought when a flash lit up the sky above their heads, followed by an explosive pop and bang a second later. Instinctively, Brainy clutched at her hand, holding her close. Nia tensed expectantly, but there was no fire to follow, no superhero emergency at all - just a stray firework set off by some kids down below.

“Little early,” Nia murmured, nudging Brainy’s arm. It was still beautiful, though, and she found that she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

The firework streamed across the sky in fine shimmers of red and gold, reminding her a little of the translucence of her own dream energy, before spilling downward, raining a mist of glowing embers just a few blocks away.

The sky was dark again by the time she realised that Brainy hadn’t been watching the firework with her. Instead, he was looking at her, his eyes bright with reverence, twinkling with a different kind of spark.

“Perhaps we should take advantage of the moment,” he suggested in a low voice, leaning forward.

Nia smiled when his lips brushed across her cheek, trailing towards her ear. She closed her eyes appreciatively, tipping her chin closer to his mouth, his lashes tickling her nose. “Aren’t we supposed to wait for midnight?” she murmured.

“Hm.” Brainy’s lips curved in contemplation. His thumb traced the line of her jaw slowly, catching a curl of her hair before stroking it back behind her ear. His fingers lingered there at the nape of her neck, digging fine crescents into her skin. “I think we’ve traversed time enough to allow for certain… deviations in that respect.”

Nia shivered. She didn’t need much convincing; in fact, she was already leaning in for the kiss, one hand still gripping the balcony wall, the other locked tightly around Brainy’s arm, pulling him closer until their lips finally met.

She was still a little heady from the wine, but the kiss felt like a firework of its own inside her chest, warming her from the inside out. Brainy’s hands were electric everywhere they touched - her face, her hair, her neck, each sensation enhanced by the alcohol roaring through her blood.

She could have believed they were flying.

Crap. Because they were flying.

Or at least, she was. Without even thinking, Nia had let her Legion ring tap into the psychic suggestion she’d been broadcasting a little too boldly, so much that it had begun to lift her off her feet.

When she gasped in surprise, Brainy grinned against her mouth. He held her steady, anchoring her to him until she found her footing again - on solid ground, this time.

“Thanks,” Nia mumbled against his chin, ducking her head into his shoulder, trying to assuage her own embarrassment. She could feel the rumble of laughter in Brainy’s chest and couldn’t help but smile along. “That’s definitely gonna take some getting used to.”

They held each other for a while longer, so comfortable in each other’s arms that Nia nearly lost track of time.

That was until voices started picking up back inside.

A moment later, Nia heard Kara calling: “Countdown’s starting!”

Already? Nia could hardly believe it. She grinned mischievously. “C’mon,” she said, tugging Brainy’s arm.

In the light of the Tower, he looked about as flushed as she felt, his blond hair frazzled against his jaw. He moved eagerly with her momentum, letting her drag him towards the balcony door.

By the time they were back inside, the countdown was nearly halfway through. They got as far as the top of the stairs before the final three seconds started ringing out.

Thinking fast, Nia made her decision. Spinning impulsively at the final second, she wrapped her arms around Brainy’s shoulders, pulling him in for another – official – kiss.

His lips were the warmest welcome she could hope for to usher in the new year.

They parted just as a bottle popped across the room. Brainy’s hands slipped around Nia’s waist, bumping his nose against hers before they both blinked back into reality, noticing for the first time the chaos that had erupted in just seconds below them.

“Ah,” Brainy said under his breath.

“Uh-huh,” Nia answered.

Over at the coffee table, Lena was pouring champagne flutes like her life depended on it from a bottle that’s neck was furiously frothing over courtesy of a certain over-eager Kryptonian. Kara was already making up for her mistake by super-speeding glasses under the bottle faster than they could spill over, placing them on every available surface she could find.

“Okay, you guys really need to start taking some of these,” Kara insisted.

“Way ahead of you,” Alex said, snatching two flutes from the table and handing one to Kelly. They clinked glasses, sharing another kiss.

J’onn laughed. “Here, let me help,” he said, angling the bottle in Lena’s hands so that it was a little less explosive on the next pour.

Lena let go of the bottle entirely, more than happy to let J’onn take over in exchange for a glass of her own.

“Us too,” Nia said, catching Brainy’s eye. “I could use another glass.”

Lena raised a brow expectantly. “Oh, I bet you do.”

Nia tried not to blush.

Once everyone had settled back around the table, flutes in hand, champagne mostly mopped up, Alex raised her glass, tapping it insistently with a fingernail. Instead of instigating a speech, she pointed her glass towards Kara. “So?” she asked. “Better or worse?”

Kara groaned aloud, muffling her voice with the rim of her glass. “I was hoping you’d forget.”

Alex winked. “Never.”

Kara rolled her eyes, lifting her free hand in surrender. “You know what? Fine. I’ll say it. Because, as a matter of fact, despite how freeing this year has been for me, I can’t deny that it’s also been hard. Really hard at times. In fact, for a while, I really did begin to wonder whether any of this was worth it.” She pursed her lips, knocking Alex’s arm. “But,” she countered, drawing out the word, “every time the media tried to beat me down, or the military pushed into my affairs, you were all there for me. You stood by me, supported this decision and supported me whenever I needed it. You reminded me why I wanted this in the first place.” Kara’s lips were already starting to tremble. She swiped quickly at her eyes, sniffing. “What I’m saying is, I really couldn’t have got through this year without you guys.”

“Kara,” Alex said softly.

“Stop, or I won’t finish,” Kara laughed. With a steadying breath, she hooked one arm around her sister’s shoulders, looping her other with Lena’s. “So, yes, this year could have been the worst, but it was the best because of all of you.” She raised her glass above Alex’s head, beaming proudly. “To family!”

“To family,” everyone echoed back.

Nia clinked her drink with everyone else, trying desperately to hold it together. She locked eyes with Brainy from across the table, seeing the happy tears that already stained his cheeks, the easy smile he wore now for no one’s benefit but his own, and realised just how lucky she was to be surrounded by so much love. Despite the hardships she’d faced in both her personal and hero life, she had a family here, one that may have come under its fair share of strain, sure, but had only grown stronger from what it had endured.

The Legion ring suddenly felt warmer around her finger, like a hug from a new friend. Maybe it was all in her head, or maybe it really was responding to her good mood.

Brainy had told her once that a Legion ring meant different things to different people, but at its heart, it represented the joined forces of the Legionnaires themselves. Their connection to one another, despite what made them so different.

For her, though, at its core, the ring was a promise. As certain as the one she and Brainy had made to each other on the training room floor. A promise shared by the echo of her friends right that second.

To family.

With the person she loved the most right there at her side, their devotion to each other worn as plainly as the rings on their fingers, she realised that promise was only just getting started.

Nia grinned, taking Brainy’s hand.

She couldn’t wait for the year ahead.

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