#I HD SUCH A FUNNY MEME IDEA TOO

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 08/05/2024

weird hyperflex but ok

Season 3 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume L [Side A]

Ripped by Krizis

Requested by Fezaki! (Request Form)

Y'know, I've mentioned it before, but big medley rips like weird hyperflex but ok can at times feel a bit messy. There's a lot of appeal to that messiness, I talked a lot about that in Man, why does every Bleck actor gotta rap some, but it also gives me a lot less to actually talk about, yknow? A lot of rippers approach things with the simple mentality of making something that purely sounds good, which is fantastic - but I can only say "its fantastic!" to a rip so many times before it becomes uninteresting to read. Not every rip is fit for this kind of coverage, and I was at first apprehensive to cover this one for that very reason - but, like I described with Bramble Blast Collab, these sorts of rips have the ability to tell narratives of sorts through what sources are used in them - meaning within all of the madness. weird hyperflex but ok is comparatively more reserved, but as submitted Fezaki points out, ends up feeling like a big celebration of the whole of Season 3, representing all the big hits and overall throughline to one of the most underrated seasons under the channel's belt.

After an introduction that repeats the infamous opening notes to Megalovania, the rip shows its hand by the chorus - throughout most of its runtime, weird hyperflex but ok is a Grand Dad rip, primarily carried by the tune of The Flintstones from beginning to end. As the channel's most used and over-used joke, its easy to have grown well too tired of the meme at this point, its undergone so many stages of ironic and post-ironic appreciation at this point that its hard to say what the opinion on the meme even is these days - but in my eyes, it was in a great place during Season 3 in particular. Back then, two years after the channel initially started, people were beginning to grow a bit nostalgic for those early days, for that very unique feel that the channel had in its growing pains-days of early Season 1. That feeling was what led to the Nostalgia Critic takeover in the middle of the season, the one discussed in Fragile Snowman (Remastered): After having spent the better part of Season 2 focused on far bigger things than a stupid Flintstones meme, it was really nice to take some time to remember just how much that tune all united us. With Season 3 bringing that nostalgia to the forefront, and like I mentioned in CG Man HD Remastered Edition, the emotions of Season 1 in tow - it makes all the sense in the world for weird hyperflex but ok to headline itself with the funny Flintstone - yet the melodyswap is so natural, it almost feels like a completely original EDM Chiptune arrangement celebrating the channel. Or, well, maybe that's just my unfamiliarity with Hyperflex speaking.

Of course, like I said, its the Season 3 hits that make this rip what it is - its lovely to see Paralyzer be celebrated here so shortly after the Unregistered Hypercam 2 takeover, helping further cement just how much of a legacy the entire King for a Day tournament was going to have way ahead of its sequel being announced. We got Undertale, we got Calamari Inkantation (Off the Hook in KFAD1 reference?), and most importantly - we got SEAN KINGSTON, the legend of Crazy Noisy Beautiful Girls fame himself. It getting an extended 30 second verse all to itself feels special in a way I really can't articulate - as I said back in Take You To The Desert, the Sean Kingston takeover was something purely spurred on by Chaze the Chat's bizarrely high enthusiasm for the guy, and yet all those months after the takeover its STILL being remembered by completely unrelated rippers - that just warms my heart, yknow? It's a lot of the same feelings that Return to Collision Clouds instilled in me, the idea that SiIvaGunner's team members latch onto and care for these small little nuggets of one another's works.

At this point, I do have to fall back to the thing I said at the very beginning of the post and just re-emphasize - weird hyperflex but ok is just plainly fantastic! It is, for a lack of a better word, bumpin', a really celebratory yet fun-loving sound to a rip that is mostly Flintstones - but it EARNS that Flintstones melody through just how befitting its reappearance is to Season 3 in general. Its the kind of rip that exudes genuine love for the channel, and feels like a trip down memory lane on every listen.

[milkthetea246]

i wanna write lydia martin slander but everyone loves her

[gift-of-prophecy]

Pump me full of lead and call me John Marston cuz I’m fuckin dead beech

[celestriakle]

16, 21, 30 cat qs

this meme, im def accepting more

16. Ever changed their name? 

not really, nope! scout was a stray. whatever name she hd, we didn’t know it. there were a few proto names but they were so short lived i dont even remember what they are.

now, the funny thing about her name is that no one can agree on who came up w it. rylie and my ex are both absolutely convinced they suggested scout bc of to kill a mockingbird, and it extra fit with her very skittish/vigilant personality, and the other one stole credit for the idea. lord knows i dont remember either, so it’s just a mystery until the end of time.

21. Any theories on what breed? 

pretty sure she’s just a common domestic shorthair. she’s definitely not any sort of special fancy breed, maybe a mutt, at best. idk if shorthair counts as an actual breed or not, im not too up on my cat breeds. shes a tabby, does that count lol.

30. Ever drink from the toilet? 

nope! tbh i dont think she could reach; im pretty sure she would fall in if she tries. shes very small.

[atlantapiner]

Another sleepless night meme

#Another sleepless night meme for free

80 ozyd² 27125 gm² Air-jet spun yarn with a soft feel and reduced pilling Double-lined. I wish you all the best keep working hard and make us proud. Its the perfect choice for cooler evenings. Their bright eyes and glowing hearts make the best night lights. Wishing you all the best and have a bright future. Title:63 Ideas For Baby Sleep Quotes Funny Mothers Sleep Quotes Funny Funny Parenting Memes Parents Quotes Funnyįor as long as I can remember Ive done everything in my power to live a productive life that allows me to pursue a lasting inner peace. The Matrix Resurrection actress took to social media to her share pics in the sultry Dolce Gabban catsuit which made her look completely dazzling and gorgeous. Good thing theyre little bundles of love too. If it makes your sleepless nights any easier know that you arent alone. Congratulations to your hard work and zeal for success. A beautiful baby shower message is just the thing to look for when you are wishing happy baby shower to the new parents on a congratulatory card. People just see the results but not the hard work sleepless anxiety-full nights that you must have put in. Everyone needs a cozy go-to hoodie to curl up in so go for one thats soft smooth and stylish. Priyanka Chopra Sizzles in See-Through Black Dolce Gabbana Catsuit. Priyanka Chopra and her fashion have always been above par and this time is no new.ĥ0 pre-shrunk cotton 50 polyester Fabric weight. 50 pre-shrunk cotton 50 polyester Fabric weight.

#Another sleepless night meme for free

Watch HD Movies online For Free - We have over 300000 movies and Tv Shows Episodes on Our Site All in HD 7 you can stream them all with just a Click. Theyre also little bundles of diapers tantrums and sleep deprivation. 60 Sleeping Baby Quotes And Captions For Your Sweet Child from Your success begins when you start believing in it. You're visiting the right web! Our website always gives you advice for providing high quality video and image content, please hunt and find more informative video articles and images that suit your interests. If you search Memes Sleepless Nights With Baby Quotes Related image information Memes Sleepless Nights With Baby QuotesĪnd interested. Search and find Memes Sleepless Nights With Baby Quotes on Cute Baby Pictures Memes Sleepless Nights With Baby Quotes in This. Memes Sleepless Nights With Baby Quotes Is a Viral that is crowded and most sought after by netizens. Memes Sleepless Nights With Baby Quotes News are available on the website.

[bxkrug]

Copyright - The “Real” Death of Vaporwave

Vaporwave has been called dead more times than Stan Lee, and yet still it is a popular music genre and aesthetic. Vaporwave, to someone not very heavily immersed in the culture, makes almost no sense. Vaporwave as a music and design genre is hard to define. Nonetheless it is an aesthetic style and musical movement that I adore. In simple terms vaporwave is a subgenre of chillwave, that is easy to listen to (darkvapor excepted), easy to relax to, while also being oddly nostalgic. The genre generally utilises heavy sampling and when it doesn’t it uses stylistic pastiche. These two techniques are ways that vaporwave recontextualizes older musical styles, motifs and tracks. Vaporwave is hard to describe due to many factors contributing to its aesthetic and artistic success, such as its background in internet forums and culture, the cultural impact of the tracks and styles the sampling and pastiche is taken from and the way in which the various samples are manipulated.

Vaporwave as a genre is unendingly fascinating, partly because it couldn’t exist without the internet, and because it couldn’t exist without the ability to take existing works and manipulate and re-release them. The influences vaporwave takes from plunderphonics is well documented, but I would argue is a hypothesis born mostly out of reading too far into a very simple history. While the founders of the musical style many today would call vaporwave, namely James Ferraro and his contemporaries, definitely took some kind of inspiration or at least were creating in the footsteps of plunderphonics, the subsequently popularised vaporwave genre and its corresponding design aesthetic, has more roots in internet memes and culture then any obscure experimental music genre. The use of post-ironic capitalism, post-ironic marxism, and post-ironic japanophilia is evidence enough of this relationship.

Post-irony being a very common characteristic of both mainstream and underground meme culture in which a joke or statement is made ironically, but the essence of the joke or statement still has some essence of truth or sincerity. The abundance of post-irony in the vaporwave community has led the genre to be called a meme in its own right, and its design aesthetic to be called a meme format. Memewave, and vapormeme are sub-genres of vaporwave with more layers of irony than anyone with an IQ below 400 could possibly understand.  

Vaporwave simultaneously mocks and embraces free-market capitalism. It takes songs made for capitalistic gain and essentially steals them and subsequently uses them for the basis of an entire track. The essence of remix is used, but the amount to which the new works are transformative is controversial. I will refrain from inputting my opinion until later, but it is an important  issue of debate. The idea here being that they are themselves utilising a free market ideology in order to create their works, while also mocking the system that both allows them to do this, and had created the work they are commandeering. This may sound like cognitive dissonance, but in online terms this is a very good example of post-irony, but there is another layer to this. The essence of this cognitive dissonance and post-irony, vaporwave fans find quite funny, hence why they partake of the culture and genre. They also, however, tend to unironically enjoy the music and the various image edits. The cognitive dissonance of finding the self-contradictory ideological motivations ridiculous and laughable, while also unironically loving it for those same aspects, is the very nature of internet age post-irony. The vaporwave community similarly makes fun of, while it embraces marxist criticisms of capitalism and japanophilia.

I hope this has conveyed how vaporwave and memes are heavily related, and how the culture of remix, sampling and pastiche is necessary for the genre to exist by definition. Vaporwave without the ability to take existing music and recontextualise it is just odd sounding chillwave. 

Vaporwave’s use of sampling is undoubtedly transformative, in my opinion. The act of recontextualizing someone else’s work, and changing the feeling, sound, and intention for the music to such a degree as vaporwave artists do is an artistic one. I would argue the same thing about taking someone else’s piece of art and altering it to convey a new meaning and tone, or taking a film and making an edit which alters the meaning in a different way. Memes exist solely on this one assumption, meme edits could not exist in a system that does not allow this kind of remix.

As far as I am concerned, the current state of copyright could potentially get bad enough that vaporwave could become impossible to make and distribute, even for free. EU copyright law already sets precedent for certain memes to be illegal under certain interpretations of the law. Certain vaporwave artists have had to distribute music on underground forums, bandcamp, and other free distribution services where copyright is less strictly upheld. Some artists who could plead the defense that their work is transformative have made homes of lucrative platforms such as spotify and itunes, that being artists such as 2814 and Blank Banshee, but other vaporwave artists have not made such a move. This is due to a number of reasons, some of which involve the fear for litigation.

When costly lawsuits can be filed for things as minor as similar chord progressions or even a similar function those chords play within a progression (even if no such lawsuits are successful) it is understandable that certain artists are too careful to end up with their music being too well advertised.

This fear for the loss of one’s wealth and work due to the overstepping of government regulation is, in my honest opinion, already in a shameful state. With YouTube, the EU and the US copyright regulations being too restrictive to creative freedom. An artist should not fear for any legal repercussion for any work that utilises another in any way, as long as some creative input is exerted by the second artist in order to express something new. With the tightening of copyright regulations as has recently been made by the EU parliament we could see the death of vaporwave in the future. This would be a future not devoid of creative potential, but one where the ability to express that creative potential is severely limited. It is a future I wish to avoid in entirety. Government regulation of a free market is necessary to ensure the stability of the market, but such regulation must be much looser on the creative industries, if we wish for new and innovative works to be created. 

References & Further Reading

Copyright Trolls. (2018). Electronic Frontier Foundation. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.eff.org/issues/copyright-trolls

What is a Copyright Troll? - Plagiarism Today. (2018). Plagiarism Today. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.plagiarismtoday.com/2018/04/12/what-is-a-copyright-troll/

(2018). Andrewtholl.com. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from http://www.andrewtholl.com/uploads/9/0/8/6/9086633/plunderphonics_literature_review.pdf

The History of Avantgarde Music. (2018). Scaruffi.com. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.scaruffi.com/avant/cpt15.html

Vaporwave: A Brief History. (2018). YouTube. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdpP0mXOlWM

Vaporwave: Genre Redefined. (2018). YouTube. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJwqp0IByto

The music theory of V A P O R W A V E. (2018). YouTube. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdVEez20X_s

Vaporwave — Down the Rabbit Hole. (2018). YouTube. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_T1nkER3vA

Urban Dictionary: post-ironic. (2018). Urban Dictionary. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=post-ironic

Post-Irony Is the Only Thing Left in the World That Gets a Reaction. (2014). Noisey. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://noisey.vice.com/da/article/6vm4md/the-past-explains-our-present-wave-of-post-irony

What Is Post-Irony?. (2012). Postirony.com. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from http://postirony.com/blog/?p=2371

Why the incoming EU copyright law will undermine the free internet. (2018). The Conversation. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from http://theconversation.com/why-the-incoming-eu-copyright-law-will-undermine-the-free-internet-99247

Article 13 Passed. (2018). YouTube. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISyiTcA6RIw

EU approves controversial Copyright Directive, including internet ‘link tax’ and ‘upload filter’. (2018). The Verge. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.theverge.com/2018/9/12/17849868/eu-internet-copyright-reform-article-11-13-approved

Sweney, M. (2018). EU copyright law may force tech giants to pay billions to publishers. the Guardian. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://www.theguardian.com/law/2018/sep/12/eu-copyright-law-may-force-tech-giants-to-pay-billions-to-publishers-facebook-google

Everything is a Remix Remastered (2015 HD). (2015). Vimeo. Retrieved 26 November 2018, from https://vimeo.com/139094998

[geek-gem]

Dead Space And Isaac Clarke

Kind of difficult to think of a title that fits. But just saying wanted to make this after OK KO was done yet was on laptop for a bit not much it's 4:09 pm

Basically what I wanted to talk about a few days ago. I had found out Visceral Games the developer who made the original Dead Space trilogy was shut down. That night or something I had watched some videos and honestly saddened. That I even talked to myself about just my thoughts.

I have mentioned Dead Space before just as my earlier text post today in the morning about some aliens and shit. But I wanna get to this.

I've been wanting to make this and now I have the feeling to make it something interesting. Also spoilers for the Dead Space series just in case.

Seriously I really liked the Dead Space mainly the trilogy never played the other games or seen the animated films. Yet I seriously liked the series. Including the 2nd game. But also the character of Isaac Clarke himself.

Seriously Isaac Clarke was a bad ass mother fucker. I honestly liked it that they developed his character for the first sequel. Including when I was in the shower an hour ago or something. I thought about why I seemed to like the character very much. He's a character that's always stuck in my mind.

Including in a weird way I wanna mention I don't know if I should say Dead Space 2 is a masterpiece. I shouldn't but it's because it's the only game I've completed while I watched the endings of the 1st and 3rd games. Yet got far in them a bit I guess for the first. Seriously I was young a bit. Including I kept replaying Dead Space 2 because it had a new game option where I can have all my equipment I had and I loved that. Along with I honestly loved the story and Isaac in that game.

I thought of possibly the reason why I honestly like Isaac a lot. Including why he's stuck as one of my favorites. Is because despite the series being set in the 26th century in a scifi setting he is seriously a normal guy a engineer who got caught up in shit with the nercomorphs. In a weird way I've kind of compared him to something similar like the protagonist's of the Silent Hill games. Where Resident Evil that series the characters are mostly trained for any sort of situation. Yet that doesn't mean Chris Redfield, Leon Kennedy, and others aren't bad characters. But compared to the likes of Harry Mason from the first Silent Hill game and James Sunderland from Silent Hill 2 had to check Youtube for his last name and again right now in case. But those guys were normal people. Including Silent Hill 2 from what I've know and see is a more personal story compared to Harry while it's another story but also looking for his daughter Cherry.

It's a weird comparison but it's something I feel is like that with Isaac. But this time in a science fiction setting. Including Dead Space 2 is where their was the story about the Sprawl but also Isaac's personal struggle.

Including what amazes me and I can't believe I'm still stunned by this discovery very long ago. Remembering reading a YouTube comment surprised and went to the wiki revealing Isaac was 49 years old during the events of Dead Space 2 and 3 because 3 takes a few months after 2. Meaning he's almost 50 when in the first and second I thought he was in his 30's or 40's not mid to late 40's.

While I'm not surprised by Bill from Left 4 Dead who's age is unknown and some of the Overwatch characters. I think I'm so surprised and enlightened by the character of Isaac of how much shit he goes through. While having some narly suits okay a friend sent a photo but the guy is seriously a normal person. Including someone who's not trained for combat. Something similar to the characters of the first Alien and other stuff. Because people compare Alien and Dead Space.

Also seriously the voice of Gunner Wright is amazing and him voicing but also being the model for the character. That I was looking up some videos while waiting for the OK KO such as this sounds video of him from Dead Space 2 just mainly screaming, groaning, and breathing.

Funny thing I said this when I was in room said I'm 49 fucken years old trying to be Isaac yet he never says that. But it does relate to just....I just love it when he swears or just... seriously. Including my favorite line from the series and kind of want this as a meme it's from the ending of Dead Space 2.

"FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR MARKER!" seriously I love that line Including all the shit leading up to that.

Seriously some people don't seem to like that Isaac got a personality but I'm sorry or not I fucking loved it that the 2nd game went that direction.

Also let's talk about the games themselves the games are awesome. They have awesome gameplay and honestly scary at times. Including the Nercomorphs these brutal undead mother fuckers that do scare me and are just awesome. Along with how gruesome they are and tough. Including the whole dismemberment of arms and legs. Really I feel Dead Space 2 takes the cake as the most fucked up in the series. It's been a while since I've played the first and the third is a different story.

I wanna talk about the shutting down of Visceral Games and that I even thought about and concerned of me buying another EA game. You've heard their terrible. Along with I remember the last EA game I bought was Titanfall 2 got that for Christmas of last year i think. It's a game I really enjoy but been a long while since I've played it. Including fans talking about the possibility of getting a new publisher please.

Also about Dead Space 3 I'm okay with it. Yet yeah I feel the action direction basically people talked about this and it's maybe similar to that of Resident Evil and how it went down that route.

Seriously I liked the addition of John Carver the other character you could play as. A soldier compared to Isaac who is a engineer. I didn't play the co op because I do not wanna get an EA account. Just okay looked twice tv on yet I wanna say I have seen his cutscenes. I seriously felt like and talked to someone who's on Deviantart and on here haven't followed them. We both agreed and I would of personally liked it if John's personal missions where he's basically kind of going through well yeah the same thing as Isaac in the first two games. Including that it mainly stays to the horror side of things.

But seriously their was some stuff I was bothered by with certain directions they went with. Including that story DLC Awakened while nice but this stupid cliffhanger.

Yet will say would of liked it if you could played as John Carver in single player at times instead of... honestly this co op it's a nice idea just....the action direction and just this one video s gaming Jim Sterling I looked on YouTube. Found this video too this is where I found out about the information but just at the part where they talk about Visceral Games shutting down. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ4eie-e2hc

Including that guys video I mentioned was the 2nd video I watched.

Really I wasn't all that sad at first but then even thinking about it more. Okay I was sad at first. But then I got to think about it more and it just sucks. Basically a video game franchise I liked and respected. Including a video game character I loved I said is now dead in a way.

Including I think yeah I wanted a Dead Space 4 but seriously even a HD Remaster of the first three games because I love those games and I honestly live for remasters because it's difficult to let go of certain games unless you have the system for it. Just yawned yet not everyone wants to do that.

Even today I thought of can we give Dead Space to a new developer or just reboot Dead Space and give it to a new developer.

Yet honestly realistically that's not gonna happen. Including Dead Space is one of EA's games as Visceral Games was built up with EA. But seriously I'm sure I don't want another EA related game again because I don't wanna give them money.

Really it's sad seeing a series like Dead Space go. A series I honestly liked and would of loved to see more games. Including again me liking the character of Isaac Clarke.

Basically during my time before I wanted to try to make this like I mentioned. But also looked on Wikipedia a bit of Dead Space not Visceral Games. Yet I also watched that funny yet nice Random Encounters musical of Dead Space and honestly would love a 2nd part.

Including decided to listen to it's called award winner a the music playing for the Remembering SpongeBob from well SpongeBob SquarePants. Just thinking of Isaac Clarke mainly. Honestly something like that surprised more people haven't used that as a joke but also a nice thing to remembering something you liked a lot dearly. It should be a meme in a way. So without further a do.

Remembering Dead Space and Isaac Clarke.

*gonna find music https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p6DKzNRdwyI now gifs oh God it's playing the song*

After the 7th wanted to type but wanted to put more. Yet wanted to say for that part I put there 3rd gif by mistake. Including I even said to myself after I found out the news.

That Isaac Clarke in PlayStation All Stars Battle Royale was honestly awesome and I guess beautiful I'm thinking now. Because I'm a fan of the series and the character. Including it was my first DLC I ever downloaded on my old PS3 when I joined PlayStation Network. Now I can't play my old PS3 and can't get Isaac or any of the other dlc characters. Seriously no complete or ultimate edition definitive edition I wanted to say and spell right before ultimate. Also the music rarely plays like that and tried it again but couldn't lol. Now got tags down wanted to share this lol just wanted to talk just okay to smile. Yet sad but just breathe I wanted to talk about this oh stomach a bit my thoughts on this I'm stalling now 13 just 5:13 typing too fast and smiled a bit even now

[rephil]

The One Where Phil Dates Dan

TW: Mentions of self loathing, cursing?? I guess Word Count: 7712 Genre: Fluff Prompt: dontforgettosmile (AO3)

Summary: It's been a long time since Dan last dated someone. Eight years, to be exact. Phil offers that they go on a date, to save each other from the dreadful feeling of being alone. But no homo though.

READ ON AO3

I may or may not be accepting prompts it depends do u want a fic next year let me know

Author’s Note: This promt was sent an entire year ago! Yikes! I've been struggling to write this because of school, but since its summer again, I finally got to finish it! Ey! 

Also listen, this was meant to be a sad ending™ fic but I love yall!! Didn’t say it’s a good ending tho it’s pretty rushed and shitty so yea enjoy

Dan knew it was a bad idea to lurk around his old friends’ profiles right before he deleted his Facebook. It made him feel insecure of himself since they had all these accomplishments and great things going on for them, while he was stuck in the same thing for about seven years now. Sure, Dan enjoyed making Youtube videos, and his (and Phil’s) fanbase was really strong, but he still had that tinge of fear that one day, all of it will be lost and he will have nowhere else to fall back on. Phil kept reassuring him that nothing bad will happen to them in the near future, but the thought still left Dan sleepless at night.

But other than that, in a less existential tone, Dan felt pretty salty about people's relationships. Every time he scrolled through Facebook, he found people bragging their love and security right before his very eyes; it is what made him want to quit Facebook in the first place (his personal Facebook, at least). People would freak out if his “danisnotonfire” account vanished in thin air. But in his private account, Dan hated scrolling through pictures of flowers one of his uni friends received from their dates, or pictures of weddings of high school acquaintances he never bothered unfriending, or videos of his friends from his old job showing their baby’s first few steps. They made Dan realize how lonely he was, and how long it had been since he was ever serious with someone.

Upon scrolling further down his timeline, Dan saw a picture of the last person he wanted to see right now; the first and only serious relationship he had in his entire life, Sarah Wickham. She got married last Saturday and just posted an album with 100 HD pictures of the entire wedding thirty minutes ago.

People thought she and Dan were cute together after playing Romeo and Juliet at uni, so they just decided to give their relationship a chance. They actually hit it off for the most part. They were both very much into acting, hence being in the school play, and they had a lot of interests in common. He was actually surprised about how extensive her knowledge was in Muse discography.

The only downfall to their relationship was the choices Dan made, which was watching YouTube videos. Not that she minded, of course; she enjoyed watching Smosh as much as he did. But by falling into the pit of YouTube, Dan met the first person to ever make him question his sexuality: Phil Lester.

Funny enough, Dan and Sarah had so much in common that they both found Phil attractive (although Dan was less vocal about it). They would tune in to his new uploads and watch them together, even following him on all his other social media. However, the only difference was that Sarah was a casual fan while Dan literally dove right up Phil’s ass, if that was possible.

Dan would comment as soon as he uploads a video to guarantee that Phil noticed him, doing the same for the rest of his social media, while Sarah simply liked a tweet she found funny. Dan basically devoted more time impressing Phil than impressing his girlfriend, and Sarah noticed that way before Dan did. They broke up the second Dan brought up that he was meeting Phil in Manchester the following week.

Dan found it funny that technically, he's still in the same position he was seven years ago. Still the same fanboy obsessing over Amazingphil and still stuck in the abyss that is Youtube. Only this time, he's actually living with his idol and gets paid for being on Youtube. Others would think that Dan was living the dream, but he just felt like he wasn't doing anything serious in his life. But that wasn't exactly the most pressing issue he had at the moment. That was a crisis for next time.

Did he still like Phil? Dan didn’t have a concrete answer at the moment. Sure, his cringey obsessed fanboy phase died down somewhere around 2012 when people won’t shut up about it, but the admiration was still there. He’d still anticipate Phil’s posts, despite the fact that he’d talk about it to Dan beforehand.

Did he still like Sarah? Obviously not. But when he realized that she was the last person that Dan had ever gotten into a relationship with speaks volumes on how terrible his social life was. Seeing her live a stable life felt like being smacked with a brick. It’s like telling him that he didn’t do anything with his life at all. And did that stop Dan from viewing every single picture in her album? Definitely not.

Phil must’ve noticed Dan’s sour expression and asked, “Are you okay, Dan?”

Dan snapped out of his stupor and looked over to Phil, whose eyebrows were pulling closer by the second. Phil’s stern expression looked almost like how Dan’s mother looked, and it made him grow conscious of his current position, what he’d call his ‘browsing position’, so he sat up. His mother constantly scolded him about his posture, that he would have osteoporosis by the time he's thirty. She was right.

“I’m fine,” Dan chuckled, “just can’t read the small text in this thing, that’s all.” He gestured to the hypothetical text he couldn’t read to look convincing, but they lived with each other for so long, Phil obviously knew Dan was fibbing.

“If it helps, press command and the plus sign to make the text bigger,” Phil mumbled, returning his attention back to his own laptop. It was filled with dozens of stickers he picked up from random places, probably adding a whole gram to its weight. As a stark contrast, Dan’s laptop was super clean; he'd use some cleaning agent to get rid of the sweat and dust it accumulated the whole week.

“Thanks,” he said half-heartedly, but didn’t do it. He decided to give lurking a rest, and decided to go to Tumblr for his daily dose of memes. He's seriously going to procrastinate deleting his Facebook.

Dan leaped a foot up his seat when his laptop produced a loud notification sound that pierced through the quiet room. He looked for the source of the sound from the immense number of tabs opened in his window and found it in his Facebook tab. It was a message from Phil.

can you read your text now, grandpa??

Dan glared at him, but Phil was too busy with whatever he’s doing to even notice him. He typed up a response and slammed the enter key.

stfu... which one of us has a receding hairline?

“Rude,” Phil replied audibly, earning a chuckle from Dan. It was an unspoken fact that Facebook was for old people. No one probably used it as their main source of enjoyment anymore since their parents might be lurking around to see what they were up to, just like what Phil was doing, essentially. Having both Dan and Phil online on their personal Facebooks may prove they are approaching old age.

Thanks to Phil, Dan lingered back to Sarah’s wedding album and decided to click on her profile to see more of what she was up to. He scrolled through all her achievements, from job promotions to weight loss to pet adoption, and he actually felt proud of her. What ticked him off were all the posts of her and her fiance- now husband- and all the cute things they were doing together. Dan wanted to experience them too.

A notification disturbed his grumbling again, which led him to mute his laptop once and for all, and looked over to see that Phil sent him another message.

you’re obvs not trying to read small text… wats up?

Dan clicked on the message box and typed,

Facebook is making me hate people

A few moments later, Phil responded,

same... why tho?

Dan realized Phil was literally sitting a few feet away from him, so Dan decided to just talk out loud. He was too lazy to type. “Its making me realize that I’m not doing anything with my life.”

Phil sighed, giving Dan an apologetic look. He knew that look; Phil usually gave it to him when he was about to give Dan a really long preppy speech.

“Dan, it’s perfectly fine to fe—”

Dan chuckled, cutting him off and saying, “I meant my social life, Phil.” He corrected himself, “Or dating life, I guess. The last time I had a proper date with someone was when I was at uni.”

Phil raised his eyebrows condescendingly, and Dan wanted to chuck a pillow at him. It was pathetic enough that Dan’s last relationship was literally just forced by people from drama club. He obviously had himself to blame for cowering at the thought of leaving the house, but he also wanted to blame Phil for that too. He was the apparent downfall of Dan’s heterosexuality and the chance he had of meeting someone else.

“We can always set up a Tinder profile for you,” Phil suggested, as if it was that simple.

“Are you crazy, Phil?” Dan whispered, almost as if someone was listening to them right now. “What if a fan sees it?”

“Then you can go date a fan,” Phil mused, giggling to himself. When Dan shot Phil a glare, he pouted and said, “Well, guess not. I would suggest going outside and meeting people like it’s the dark ages, but you won’t be too keen on that.”

It was as if Phil was reading his thoughts. Dan sunk into his sofa crease and accepted his fate. Unless his parents married him off to some royalty from another kingdom, Dan would be left rotting in a flat making videos about all the rest of his other misfortunes.

“I have an idea!” Phil said suddenly, making Dan yelp. “Why don’t I take you out?”

Figuratively, Dan would’ve spat his drink.

“Erm,” Dan started slowly. He didn’t want to look at Phil in the eye yet. This might be one of Phil’s disturbing jokes where he’s trying not to laugh. “What?” When he looked at Phil, he was dead serious.

“Ya know,” Phil said as he shrugged, “I’m gonna take you to eat someplace nice.”

Dan rolled his eyes and said “Yeah, sure.” He wasn't having it with Phil's jokes.

But it made Dan wonder if Phil was seeing someone. He probably wasn’t, being that the only times he ever went out of the house was with Dan, running some errands, or making a lame attempt at jogging to stay healthy. It would be a far stretch to assume that Phil went on a date at some point and telling Dan that he did the latter two instead, after all, there weren’t any secrets between them.

Because between the two of them, Phil was more sociable and friendly. People would love to date him. It wouldn’t be a surprise to find out that Phil has actually been dating someone for three years under Dan’s nose.

They sat in silence for the remainder of the night, mumbling occasionally about something funny they saw on their Tumblrs. Phil was supposed to be editing a video right now, but Dan wasn’t one to scold him to do it; he procrastinates editing all the time too.

Dan retreated to bed a few hours later. It was already 2 AM and his eyes are difficult to keep open. He mumbled an incoherent ‘goodnight’ at Phil, who grunted softly in reply, and trudged to his room with his laptop tucked underneath his arm.

Dan would be a terrible boyfriend. He’d forget saying goodnight to his partner, probably even forget to text them for an entire week. He should include it in the hundred number of reasons why he didn’t have a lovelife.

Phil was usually the first person to wake up in the morning, despite the fact that they hated getting up early. Phil had to sacrifice his sleep in order to pee, then he couldn’t will himself to sleep after that. Usually Phil would prepare his breakfast and make some for Dan too, but the flat was dead quiet. There wasn't bustling sounds of spatulas scraping frying pans. Either Dan woke up too late or too early this morning.

When Dan unplugged his phone to check the time, it was nine AM. Too late then. He decided to just check his social media before starting the day, which meant checking his social media on his laptop instead of his phone. Just as he watched a vine in a low volume, the doorbell unexpectedly rang, and Dan’s heart pounded rather violently in his chest.

“Phil! Get the door!” Dan yelled, not wanting to separate himself from his toasty bed just yet, but the doorbell kept ringing. He kept calling Phil, but no avail. Was he out jogging? Dan assumed whoever was at the door was just delivery guy, but he usually gave up after buzzing three times. This one seemed persistent.  

Begrudgingly, Dan stood up and put on the shirt he wore last night, heading to the front door.

“I’m coming!” he mumbled, ruffling his hair to make it a bit decent.

When Dan opened the door, it was just Phil. “Good morning!” he chirped, with a big smile on his face. He was all dressed up and had his left hand behind his back. Dan felt drained as he watched Phil being so energetic after he just woke up.

“Phil?” he sighed, “You locked yourself out again?” He walked back inside, considering getting cereal for breakfast. That is, if Phil didn’t finish it yet.

“No, actually. I'm here to pick you up on our date, remember?” Dan turned his back and Phil showed what he was holding from behind his back, which was a single red rose, and held it out for Dan.

He took a step back. “Wait, you were serious?” He thought he made it pretty clear he was being sarcastic when he said “yeah, sure”. Dan took the rose anyway and tossed it on their coffee table, as if it was radioactive.

“You weren't?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Dan tried to point out the obvious. “Phil, our fans. What if they see?”

He shrugged. “We can just say we're going as friends. We don't exactly have have to do all the lovey dovey stuff,” Phil replied, like it was no big deal. Dan thought he knew better than to underestimate their audience.

It was nice of Phil to try making him feel better about the whole dating thing, but Dan was completely over it. “Phil, you don’t have to push this. I’m fine”

Phil laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “But, I kind of made plans for today already.”

Dan pinched his brow and sighed. “How long did you stay up last night exactly?”

“Long enough to find the best place to have brunch in Central London.”

And to pick out a nice outfit, apparently. Phil picked a green plaid shirt, black jeans, and brown combat boots, all of which Dan never saw before in his life. Phil didn’t wear new clothes unless its for a meet and greet or a new video, but then again, did Phil ever do anything else besides that?

“We can just eat brunch here. Honestly, Phil, I don't care about the dating thing anymore,” Dan said, crossing his arms.

“But the place I found looked so cool, ” Phil whined, slumping his shoulders. “Besides, we aren’t doing anything else right now so we might as well go.” Phil did puppy eyes, just because he perfectly knew that Dan can never resist them.

“Fine,” Dan grumbled. “But let me take a shower first.”

“Okay,” Phil said meekly, placing his hands in his pockets and bouncing on the balls of his feet. It creeped Dan out.

“Phil, what the hell are you doing?”

Tilting his head to the side, he answered, “Waiting.” He reminded Dan of those creepy girls wearing vintage dresses and pigtails in horror movies. The ones that made him keep every single light on for the sake of keeping his sanity.

“Why aren’t you sitting down?” he sputtered.

Phil shifted his gaze between Dan and the sofa. “Well, I have manners. I won’t sit unless you let me.”

Dan glared at him and said, “Phil, you fucking live here.”

Phil leaned his head, looked to the left and to the right as if someone was listening to them, and whispered, “Pretend we just met today.”

Dan scoffed. He thought Phil was supposed to take him out… as Phil? Phil was always one to make up a bunch of personas whenever he had the opportunity. Dan found it so endearing,  which is why he always went along with all of them anyway. “Okay, person I just met ,” he said, as if reading from a paper, “You may sit.”

His roommate scowled. “That’s the worst acting ever, Dan.”

Dan smiled coyly, and before turning to leave, he says, “I’m getting ready first, and I’ll be there in a minute. Do you want anything?”

Phil sat back on the couch and said, “A date with you would be amazing.”

Dan was taken back. Was Phil seriously this smooth? He laughed nervously and tried to counter him with the same tone, but failed. “Yeah, that… can be arranged.” Then he did the worst thing he could possibly do: finger guns.

He mentally slapped himself in the face. If this wasn’t Phil, then his date would make their way straight to the door and leave.

Dan took a quick shower that probably lasted two minutes. He went to dry his hair, not even bothering to straighten it like he used to. What took him so long was the time he spent to decide what clothes to wear. He was conscious about picking his clothes since Phil looked great.

Dan immediately scolded himself. This is just Phil, dammit. This wasn’t even a real date. This was just a “hey you’re lonely and I’m bored let’s go out” type of thing and nothing more. Phil is probably just taking him to a McDonalds and buy breakfast platters and go home. This is probably even nothing to him.

And yet, it took Dan about ten minutes to decide if he should use the moth shirt or one of the several black jumpers he owned. He checked the weather app for the billionth time to check that it was, in fact, sunny outside. Because if that’s the case, he will wear a thinner jacket.

He settled for a gray jumper, his usual black jeans, and the shoes he owns with lots of zippers on them. He checked himself on the mirror, fixing his curls to make sure they were all in the right place. He took his cologne, aggressively sprayed in front of him and stepped into its mist.

He quickly jogged back to the lounge, where Phil sat playing Crossy Roads. Dan didn’t blame him, Dan did take a long time to get ready: forty minutes to be exact. Dan cleared his throat and crossed his arms.

“Hey! You’re done,” Phil exclaimed as he turned to look at Dan, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He stood up and gestured to Dan. “Looking good, as always.”

Dan felt a tingle of heat spread on his cheeks, and he mentally pinched himself for it. He kept repeating “ It’s just Phil. It’s just Phil ” over and over in his head, but Phil's words continued to have an effect on him. Dammit. Dan tried to play it off by saying, “Let’s go. The city of London awaits.”

The weather app lied. It felt like there was a tornado outside.

Dan was relieved he didn’t waste his time straightening his hair at all, it would’ve been ruined anyway. The wind propelled everything that was lighter than a bottle of water off the ground, even Dan’s phone almost got carried away. He looked over at Phil, who was just as concerned for his hair as Dan, and giggled. Phil's fringe swooped up, revealing his massive forehead, and Dan was too conscious of his own hair to make fun of Phil’s.

They managed to make it to the tube station all in one piece. Phil led the way, brisk-walking to the train that just arrived by the platform with Dan running closely behind him. Although Dan was taller and had longer legs than Phil, Dan couldn’t walk just as fast as him. Probably because of all that jogging Phil was doing.

When they finally situated themselves on the seats closest to the doors, Dan let out a huge sigh of relief. He felt like he just ran in a marathon.

“Where are we even going?” Dan wheezed, still trying to catch his breath while surveying the scene. The trolley wasn’t very crowded anymore since people usually get off at the station before theirs, and looking all around, there didn’t seem to be people that would’ve been one of their followers.

Phil must’ve arrived to the same conclusion since he didn’t have to whisper when he said, “It’s a surprise! This would be really boring if you knew exactly what we’re doing.”

“Is that what you think?” he quipped, “You want dates to be a surprise for you?” Dan lowered his voice a bit just in case.

“Yeah,” Phil responded, smiling in thought. “I don’t really want to know where I’m going because I’m gonna make a bunch of scenarios and get my standards up, you know?”

He did have a point, especially since Dan usually over thought anything that may or may not happen to him. His scenarios were usually for the worst, however, to avoid exactly what Phil said. Dan envisioned everything that could possibly go wrong given a situation, so maybe he didn’t have to worry about raising his standards up. In fact, Dan would be surprised if things went well for him.

But regardless, he wanted to know exactly what will happen in a date. Dan told Phil that he wanted to be mentally prepared for whatever was coming for him. Phil laughed silently and shook his head, just as the train slowed to a stop and the doors opened.

“I promise I won’t take you anywhere you won’t like,” Phil reassured him over the sound of people hopping off and hopping on the train. They didn’t bother talking while people transitioned in and out of the car, too lazy to try to talk over the noise. They waited until the doors closed and the train slowly marched ahead.

“If it makes you feel any better, I can give you some hints.”

“Fire away.”

He held a finger up and pointed on it with his other hand. “Well, you already know, but as a refresher: we’re getting brunch, since I’m assuming that you’d probably still be asleep for the next five hours if I didn’t ring the doorbell.”

Dan scoffed. “Correction: I’d probably still be in bed for the next five hours if you didn’t ring the doorbell.”

Phil gave him a look and continued, counting a second finger, “ And then,” he paused for a moment, watching Dan’s face for any sort of speculation. Phil finally said,”We’re going home.”

Dan snickered and pushed Phil with his shoulder. He expected a long, well thought out plan. The good thing was, Phil wasn't taking Dan to McDonalds. He hoped.

They passed three other stops before Phil declared that the next one was going to be theirs. Phil patted Dan on the knee and stood up, leading the way out of the station. The wind wasn’t as bad as it was a while ago, but Dan still had to place his hands on his hair to avoid it turning into a huge bushy mess.

Phil looked back at Dan and smiled at him. “Just take a left here,” and mimicking the voice of their GPS, he added, “and in fifty meters, your destination will be on the left.”

Dan snorted, following Phil’s directions. Phil walked a little bit ahead of Dan to go by the door and to open it, gesturing for Dan to go inside. Dan softly thanked him and stepped into the restaurant, with Phil following suit.

“Wow, Phil, you did a really good job finding this place,” Dan said as they situated themselves in a booth by the wall, but not too far back in the restaurant in case someone saw them and drew speculations.

A waiter wearing a crisp black uniform appeared before them and handed them menus, asking if they wanted something to drink. Phil opted for lemonade while Dan chose hot coffee.

Dan was fairly impressed with the selection of food; he would try them all if he was able to. Some dishes were a bit unfamiliar to him, but it wasn’t something Google can’t help him with.

“Find anything you wanna order?“ Phil asked, peeking over from his menu.

“Still browsing,” he replied.

“I'm just having what you're having.”

Dan smirked. “That’s so lazy. So if i buy an entire cheese platter, would you eat it with me?”

“Maybe don't be a piece of shit,” Phil said, rolling his eyes.

Dan faked a gasp and placed his hands on his chest. “Phil! Language .” It earned him a laugh.

Their waiter arrived with their drinks and a set of cream and sugar. As he settled them on the table, he decided to take their orders. Dan ended up ordering white pasta instead of a cheese platter, so Phil did the same. Phil also decided to get potato bombs since they looked great in the picture. When the waiter left, Dan put half the cup of cream and two sugar cubes into his coffee, stirring it slowly.

“So, when was the first date you've ever had?” Phil asked, twirling his straw in the glass.

Dan thought about it and sighed at the memory, explaining, “The first and only date I ever had was forced by my friends at uni, so I won't really hold it to any standards.”

“I see,” Phil responded solemnly.

In attempt to lighten the mood, Dan said, “Which is why I need some protips from you.”

Phil smirked. “Don't you mean editing tips?”

“Don't say that thing ever again,” he deadpanned.

“Well, the last time I ever dated someone was 2009.” Dan, being Phil trash number one, remembered that. “So my most popular pickup line is that I have a youtube channel.”

“Really? And they're impressed with that?”

“Well 70,000 subscribers was probably bigger than the population of Manchester, so I guess they were! They'd even ask for a shout out from me, but there's just too many of them. I can’t fit them all in one video.”

“Oh, you poor famous man,” Dan cooed mockingly. “But that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid though, my dates knowing that I have a youtube account.”

“Your channel isn't exactly hush hush right now. Even if they aren't fans of you, they might’ve recognized you from somewhere.”

Dan sighed. “Exactly.”

“Oh, you poor famous man,” he imitated Dan.

“Shut up.” He kicked Phil’s legs from under the table. “What else do you have?”

Phil rubbed his chin with his index finger and thumb, as if he was thinking of something scholarly. But really, he was just thinking of dating tips. They were both pretty much rusty in that department since it has been so long after all. All of the good moves in 2009 were probably corny and bad in 2017.

Phil finally leaned forward, placing both elbows on the table, and said, “I would go and ask them about themselves.” He gestured towards Dan before placing his hands under his chin. “Then I would look at them like this.” Phil tilted his head to the side, hooded his eyes, and smiled.

Dan furrowed his eyebrows and cringed. “Yeah, did they all run away?”

It was Phil’s turn to kick Dan from under the table. He slumped back on his seat and said, “Shut up. They loved it.”

Dan snorted. “See how well that went for you.”

Before Phil could retort, the waiter came with a basket of bread and a bowl with about six servings of butter. It was both their favorite part of eating. Dan took the napkin on his plate and placed it on his lap, with Phil following suit. They each took a slice of bread and Phil jokingly stole the bowl of butter. Dan tried to steal it from his hands, but Phil placed it on his seat and stuck his tongue out at Dan.

As they ate, Dan had the urge to take his phone out, but he knew that was being rude. From all the countless articles he read about dating, despite the fact that never got to use any of them in real life, he knew that he should focus on his date and his date only. The most prominent dating tips those articles had to offer was that he shouldn’t take his phone out and that he shouldn’t talk about himself too much, which Dan honestly thought was common sense. But turns out not everyone thought it was.

“Have you posted your evil piano teacher video?” Phil asked as he grabbed a second slice of bread and returned the bowl of butter on the table. “I need to post the pastel video. People can’t wait.”

Dan shrugged. “I’m still debating about whether or not should I put a clip of me actually playing the piano somewhere.” He took two more slices of bread because he was sure that Phil would finish the entire basket without Dan realizing it.

Phil smiled, taking a huge bite off his bread. “You should! People will love it. I always hear you play, and you’re quite lovely.”

As usual, Dan tried to hide that he was flustered with humor as he said, “But I haven’t met you before! How did you know that I play the piano.” Phil bit his lip and smiled, which didn’t exactly help Dan’s case at all. “But thanks. I’ll try.”

As Phil finished the bread on his hands, he raised his eyebrows in realization. “Oh! You can put it in like a split screen, while you’re talking or something.”

Dan nodded his head slowly. “Sure, probably at the beginning or the end.” He dropped another sugar cube into his coffee and stirred it again.  “I might need some help with it though. It’s been a long time since I last did split screen.”

Phil winked. “Don’t worry, I can give you those editing tips tonight if you want.”

“What did I tell you, Phil?” Dan said with an exasperated tone.

“Okay, Danny boy.”

They continued to talk about failed previous dates, not as if there was much to add anyway, and their appetizer came about five minutes later. Dan thought they looked, well, appetizing. Ten perfectly symmetrical balls were stacked on a plate with a little bowl of white sauce on the side. The balls had a dark brown color and they had red and green seasoning and a little bit of cheese sprinkled on top of them. Dan took his phone out to take a snapshot of it — he’s sure Phil wouldn’t mind.

Dan even handed his phone to Phil and requested, “Hey, can you take a picture of the potato balls? I wanna take a picture of it in all angles.”

Phil rolled his eyes and turned the plate 180 degrees around. “There’s your different angle.”

Dan scowled. “But it still looks different in your end! With all the lighting and shit.”

“Fine,” he huffed, holding out his hand to get the phone. He turned the plate back to its original position and took a few pictures at each side of the plate, before handing Dan’s phone back to him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, skimming through the gallery to check if either one of them were visible in the photos.

If he or Phil decided to post the pictures, he didn’t want the other to be visible in them. He knew that their fans had really keen eyes. Dan remembered the time when he posted a picture of the sundae he bought with Phil for national ice cream day. The corner of Phil’s sleeve was visible on the edge of the picture, and people kept speculating about it. The comments were filled with people asking if it was a date.

Not that Dan minded this, of course. He was perfectly fine with people shipping him with his best friend, mostly because he agreed with them, but he wasn’t completely sure if Phil did as well. Dan could always answer those questions with sarcasm or a witty joke, but he was afraid that he would be see through, and not even Phil would be convinced.

Dan had to scroll through several comments to find a safe one to answer like “Was the ice cream good?” or “Happy national ice cream day!” From then on, he decided to just avoid possible hints that they are together, even if it won’t completely get rid of the speculation.

Dan realized he was holding on his phone for too long. Despite the number of notifications he had from his social media, he fought his urge by turning it off and shoving it back in his pocket. He felt the Cosmopolitan article called Top 10 Biggest First Date Turn-offs haunting him and reminding him how to be a good date, even if this wasn’t really a real one.

Phil apparently ate two potato balls already, so Dan popped two consecutive ones into his mouth, so they were even. He felt bad for using his phone for longer than he should’ve, so he asked:

“Hey, Phil? Was that… a turn off?” Dan had no idea what to call it, so he said the first thing that came to his mind. The confused look on Phil’s face made Dan realize how stupid his question was. He elaborated, “I mean like, using my phone on our… date?”

Phil shook his head and took another potato ball and dipped it into the white sauce. Dan completely forgot about it. “No, I don’t mind. I know you were just checking the pictures.”

“Well, what if I was someone else? Like, I don’t know, Sarah Michelle Gellar?”

Phil scoffed. “You know I wouldn’t mind anything if I’m dating either you or Sarah Michelle Gellar . ”

Dan scrunched his nose in frustration and said, “Well what if you were dating someone you don’t know?”

Phil thought for a moment before replying, “I mean, I guess I’d be a little irked if they used their phone too long.” Dan took a potato ball, this time with the dip, as Phil added, “But you know, I can’t imagine myself dating anyone else besides you or Sarah Michelle Gellar,” which prompted Dan to choke.

He kept coughing, and he couldn’t seem to stop. Phil was starting to get worried, so he pushed Dan’s glass of water towards him. Dan attempted to take a sip of water, which helped him a bit. Sarah Michelle Gellar has always been a “given” answer when people asked Phil “who would you take out on a date?” but it has never been Dan. He cleared his throat and gritted, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Phil opened his mouth to reply, but the waiter came with their food. He shrugged as the waiter dropped two identical dishes on their table. He asked if everything was in order before dashing off to the the table next to them to take their orders.

Phil cleared his throat before saying, “I don’t know, I guess it’s just because it’s Sarah Michelle Gellar . I’ve been thinking about dating her since I was seventeen.” He took his fork and twirled it into his pasta. Was that it?

“Also we’re here, right now, and it’s perfectly fine because, you know...” His voice trailed off and he took the pasta to his mouth, chewing slowly. He laughed and shook his head. “You’re my friend! It just feels kinda weird thinking about dating someone else when I haven’t been doing it for a long time.”

Dan felt his heart sink. With the steadiest voice he could muster, he said, “Oh. Well, that’s true.” He took his own fork and started digging into his pasta, only remembering that he had to take a picture when it was too late. He decided that he just won’t post anything anymore.

Dan wanted to slide lower into his seat and rot under the table for the next ten years. He kept telling himself stupid stupid stupid for thinking that Phil meant something else — that he actually liked dating Dan, and wanted to keep going. He can’t believe himself for even assuming.

But Dan still made the effort to act as if nothing happened. He suppressed his feelings for Phil since they first met because he hasn’t fully come to terms with his sexuality, but despite coming to terms with it now, didn’t make any difference. He was still the same old Dan inside out. Still the same weak piece of shit.

Dan dropped his fork onto the dish and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I’m full,” he declared, taking a sip of his already cold coffee. Phil was a fast eater, so he was just about to take his final bite of pasta.

“Should I ask for the check?” Phil tried to say through his mouthful, but Dan understood, and he nodded. Phil tried to make eye contact with their waiter, waving his arms around whenever he looked at their general direction. It took Phil a few minutes to succeed.

The waiter dropped the bill on their table and took their plates, asking them if they enjoyed their meal. Both of them gave unenthusiastic responses, but the waiter didn’t seem to mind. As he left, Phil reached for his wallet, and took out his credit card. Dan followed suit.

“So, how are we gonna split this bill?” Dan asked as he fumbled for his credit card within his wallet full of random receipts and cards. He should really consider sorting it out.

Phil pushed Dan’s hands away and placed his own credit card on top of the bill. “No, I’m paying for the whole thing.” In a softer voice, he added, “This is a date, remember?” Dan decided it was best not to argue.

They took a taxi home since neither of them had the energy to do all the leg work, plus it was raining this time. They didn’t have an umbrella with them, which got them drenched as they hopped in and out of the taxi. Fuck London weather.

When they trudged through the second flight of stairs towards their flat, Phil said, “So, what did you think of our date? What was your favorite part? Would you recommend it to a friend?”

Dan said, through deep breaths, “The date was nice, I guess. Great location. Great food,” he added, in a lower voice, “Great you.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, because I did too.”

Dan was running out of breath, but it didn’t stop him from making a sarcastic comment. “I’m glad you did, Dora. My favorite part was when we went to the huge ass piñata.” Phil just giggled.

When they finally approached the door to their flat, Dan leaned on the wall as he fumbled for the keys in his pockets. He lazily unlocked the door, tossing the keys onto the coffee table as soon as he went in. He looked back, realizing that Phil remained outside the door. Dan knew better than to ask why wasn’t he coming in.

“What? No goodbye kiss?” Phil asked, leaning against the doorframe and pouting.

Dan rolled his eyes. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for pretending again. “If you don’t come in, I’m literally slamming the door at your face.” He walked back and held onto the doorknob, taunting Phil that he was gonna do it any second now. There was no way Phil was serious about kissing him.

“Come on, Dan. You gotta experience all the first date basics.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Dan asked, “Is it completely necessary to kiss on the first date?”

Phil shrugged. “It’s how you know if a second date is on the table.”

“You’ll know it if the date went well,” Dan argued.

“Well, if Sarah Michelle Gellar was terrible snogger, which is highly unlikely, I won't go for a second date.”

Dan thought about it for a few seconds before he released a forced sigh. “Fine. You’re the expert, after all,” Dan said casually, even if in reality, his blood was running cold inside him. He willed his feet to take a step closer towards Phil, and stared at him straight in the eye.

Phil was the first to lean in. He didn’t have to crane his neck upwards; Dan’s posture was so bad that they had the same height. As their lips met, Dan’s heart pounded against his chest — he was afraid that Phil could feel it too. His brain short circuited that he was basically just as useful as a pile of mush. The only thoughts that ran in his head was how soft Phil’s lips were, and how fantastic he was at snogging. If this was the real thing, Dan would be begging for a second date.

Dan broke away first, gasping for air and keeping his eyes shut while he tried to regain his bearings. When he did open his eyes, he saw Phil watching him with a dark look in his eyes. The silence was unbearable; the only sound heard was of the radiator humming softly in the background. Dan could hear his own blood roaring in his ears.

“Phil,” Dan croaked, losing his voice as his eyes lingered down to Phil’s faintly pink lips.

Phil huffed and pushed Dan further into the flat to let himself in, slamming the door behind him. He grabbed Dan by the back of his neck and pulled him in for a bruising kiss, and it felt so much more mind-blowing than the previous one . Dan felt himself being pushed backwards until his back hit the wall, which benefitted Dan a lot because his legs were probably about to give out as Phil nibbled roughly at Dan’s lower lip. Dan laid his palms flat on the wall as he tried to fight the urge to thrust his hips upward, but Phil’s ministrations were playing with his hormones. He felt like a teenage boy again.

Dan whined embarrassingly as Phil broke away. He took a full step back and smiled cockily at Dan, running his thumb over Dan’s lip. “That’s how you kiss on a first date.”

Dan groaned, slumping on the wall and covered his face with his hands. He babbled incoherently, “ Wha ? First date? That?”

“The first one was,” Phil answered nonchalantly.

Dan dropped his hands to his sides and lowered his gaze to Phil’s feet, licking his lips slowly. “And?”

“The second was just to, you know, get your attention.” It was barely a whisper, but Dan heard it perfectly clear. Shit.

Dan raised his eyebrows, keeping his eyes glued to the ground, and said, “Well, you succeeded there, buddy.” He was surprised that he managed to say a full sentence.

He heard Phil sigh. “I love you, Dan. I just don’t really know how to say it to you straight.”

Dan laughed nervously, thinking that he’s just hallucinating or Phil was probably joking. “T-tell it to me… gay then,” he spluttered, earning a laugh from Phil.

Dan regretted saying that, so naturally, he decided to cover his mistake up by talking more nonsense. “You I know what? All this talk and shit is making me hungry. Are you hungry? We’re hungry. Leggo.” He headed for the lounge, feeling Phil trail silently behind him, and paced back and forth. He scolded himself for suggesting this. They literally just ate twenty minutes ago. “D’you want anything to eat in particular?”

Phil looked at him from head to toe and answered, “You?”

Dan groaned as he blushed. If Phil was trying to fluster him, he was doing an exceptional job. He wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it.

“Pizza!” Dan exclaimed, grabbing his laptop and sitting on his sofa crease. “Let’s do Pizza Hut.” He fumbled as he typed the website. “Any toppings you want in particular?”

Phil sat on the other end of the sofa and patted his legs. “I want you on top of me. Is that available?”

“Stop that!” Dan yelped.

“Stop what?” Phil asked with a giggle.

“Stop flirting with me.”

“If you stop being adorable, I might.” Phil slowly scooted closer towards Dan and closed his laptop, taking it from his lap and placing it on the table. He moved a bit more until their legs touched. Dan tried his best not to look at him, but he could feel Phil stare at him.

“Phil,” he whined, covering his face once more. He can’t believe this was happening. Phil Lester. Flirting with him. The thought felt even more surreal when Phil started trailing kisses down Dan’s neck.

Phil leaned back a bit and met Dan’s eyes, asking worriedly, “Do you like me, Dan?”

He couldn’t conjure the voice to answer so he just nodded his head. It was a good thing Phil was more confident to do all the talking, otherwise they’d just be staring at each other the whole time. Phil’s features softened and he gave Dan an earnest smile, one that could make anyone melt. Dan was glad he’s the only person that could see this right now. He gravitated closer towards Phil and met his lips for a passionate kiss. At this point, Dan became obsessed with kissing him that he just kept wanting more.

When they pulled away, Phil said, “Did you know that you burn two calories for kissing per minute?

“Okay?” Dan responded slowly.

“Well, you can burn a hundred calories from sex. I just want to be more productive.”

“ Phil. ”

[sivilityy]

SNAKE EYES

Tagged by @xadyt​

Rules: 1. Post the rules 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people.  

1. Favorite Shakespearean play or sonnet? I absolutely love Kenneth Brannagh’s Hamlet, but I also have a soft spot for Macbeth because reading Lady Macbeth’s “out, damned spot” monologue aloud in class was one of my favorite memories of high school. I also might have gotten to see Sir Patrick Stewart perform Macbeth and aaaaa. There’s a story there that would require me to record myself telling it aloud in order to do it justice. But his performance, at least, was stellar.

2. First fictional character you had a crush on? I can’t remember which one I actually “picked” first, but definitely one of the boys from Final Fantasy 8. Probably Zell, I liked him so much I put a cool holographic eyeball sticker on his character page in the players’ guide. That was Important obviously, because stickers were not to be squandered. Later on my crush shifted to Squall, then to Seifer. But Irvine’s pretty easy on the eyes too and okay let’s move on--

3. Do you have an irrational fear of something? If so, what? The first thing that comes to mind is bugs, particularly flying bugs. Roaches and moths are a big issue, along with house centipedes. But i’m not sure that’s necessarily a fear so much as a “get it away from me aaaaa”. So maybe i’d say, narrow tunnels, like crawlspaces or caves or airvents. cuz there’s no telling if you’d be able to turn around and come back ono;;;

4. If you could reanimate any historical figure, who would it be? My first thought was in regards to politics, but tbh i don’t think any one person could fix what a royally fucked up situation we’re in right now. so maybe a writer, screw it, why not. it’s kind of tempting to say Shakespeare just to see if he appreciates all the memes, but the goth middle schooler in me tells me Edgar Allan Poe.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose? If the obstacles in doing so were removed, definitely Japan. I’ve only been in the Tokyo area, but i absolutely loved Chiba. the stores, the train system, the food, the etiquette, it’s all just lovely.

6. What’s your guilty pleasure game of choice? Plants vs. Zombies! The first one. I have an absolute beast system down in that game, and playing it is like second nature to me. So it’s very therapeutic in its familiarity, and very satisfying in how much i can stomp it. :3

7. If you were the head of a gaming studio and you could choose to remake or make a sequel to any one pre-existing game/series, what would it be? *clutches chest* remake FF8 for the love of Hyne. give me all the glorious HD content and VOICE ACTING and maybe possibly a script that kinda makes some sense?? (why are we going to the moon, guys) UGH it’d be so beautiful.

8. What is a food you absolutely would not eat even if it was the last form of sustenance on the planet? I’m sure there’s something i hate worse, but all that i can think of at the moment is rare beef. i can manage to stomach certain cuts provided they’re at least medium, but... *shudders*

9. Favorite song to sing in the car/shower? “The Stand (Man or Machine)” by The Protomen, for sure. it’s in my vocal range, full of emotion, and features my boi ♥

10. What do you want written on your tombstone when you die? gosh, i... don’t know. something about the legacy that i’ve left behind--my aunt’s says “Tell me a funny story” and we’re still trying to do her stories justice to this day. ;u; but, as for what my legacy is... i guess i’d have to leave that to the ones writing it. i just hope i’ve been kind and helpful.

11. You are given the power to grant one person’s wish - any person except for yourself, and you can only give them the single one. Who would you give it to? now THIS one might be able to unfuck our situation :’) with her wisdom and her writing skills, i think @thedemonsurfer could come up with a comprehensive and detailed enough wish that we could probably fix at least a majority of what’s wrong in the world.

Tagged: totally optional! @bigbad31​, @zesimi​, @sissyhiyah​, @protobro​, @theletterwsarseflap​, @errorcritical​, anyone else who’d like to! ^^

My questions for you: 1. Physical books or electronic? 2. What’s your ideal day? Weather, company, activities, food, anything! 3. If you have one, what’s your favorite musical? Why? 4. Do you speak multiple languages? What languages do you speak, and what language would you like to learn? 5. Sweet or savory flavors? 6. If you could choose one story (book, game, movie, etc) to change something in, what would you choose and what would you change? 7. What’s your favorite way to relax/destress? 8. What’s a song that will absolutely get you pumped to Do The Thing? 9. Do you have an idea for a novel in your head right now? 10. Outdoors or indoors? 11. Do you have a character “type” that you find yourself consistently drawn to?

[taiblogcomics]

THEN WHO WAS PHONE? (Repost)

Originally posted to Xanga on December 6, 2012

Hey there, sacred artifacts. Well, it's been a while. I'm sure we're all better off for it, but eventually that time had to come again. And so, here we are. It's time once more to read a ridiculous children's horror novel by R.L. Stine. Since we already covered books three and four in the Hall of Horrors line earlier, let's move right along to Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #5: Don't Scream!. Just don't do it, man!

This book sure has a cover:

That disembodied mouth really needs to see an orthodontist, let me tell you. In fact, I'm not even sure that lower jaw has any human teeth at all. Surprisingly, this image does happen in the book. It's not indicative of the story in any way, but it's there.

Our protagonist for this go-round is Jack Harmon. His one-dimensional character trait is being picked on by bullies. His most frequent tormenters are "Big Mick" Owens and Darryl "The Hammer" Oliva. Darryl is never referred to as "The Hammer" anywhere but the first page, but this is such a cool name that we're going to keep using it, quotes and all. Today they're twisting Jack's arm, stealing his Red Sox cap, spitting in it, and then getting off the school bus. This is how we're introduced to our main character, guys. Certainly a sign of good things to come!

Jack slumps in some random seat, disappointed he can't be as lucky as you blog readers and be spared all the description of the spit in his hair. As an extra bonus, the story kicks off right away with Jack finding a cellphone in the seat. And if you're wondering, yes, it's specifically a smartphone with "all kinds of apps". Jack doesn't think to check the address book or anything, he just turns it on and puts it to his ear. To his surprise, he's immediately greeted by a girl's voice. Possible references to make jokes on:

A) The Ring 2) Calling D) When A Stranger Calls ?) [reader's choice of phone-based horror story]

The girl on the other end introduces herself as Jack's new best friend. I'm going to save myself some trouble and reveal now that her name is Emmy, since she doesn't actually get a name until late in the book. Jack at first thinks it's his younger sister's babysitter playing a prank. What the heck kind of babysitter is this that this is your first thought? In fact, her name is Mindy, not Vicky or Rosalyn. Jack continues trying to insist it is Mindy, at which point Emmy snaps and says she's not Mindy, and Jack better not make her angry. He wouldn't like her when she's angry.

So if she's not Mindy, the girl must be Jack's pal Eli. Eli wears the hat of "improbable electronics geek" in this story, including a voice changer that clearly Jack thinks can make him sound like a girl. See, Emmy, if you had introduced yourself at the beginning instead of three-quarters of the way into the story, you could avoid this whole thing. This was just a clumsy way to introduce us to characters without introducing the characters, wasn't it? As it is, Jack gets tired of the whole thing and tries to hang up. Unfortunately, turning the power off doesn't make the creepy voice go away, and Emmy continues to talk to him. Hanging up on people is rude, Jack, maybe this haunting will help you improve as a person~

Jack is at first terrified and confused, but then he gets a great idea: get off the bus and leave the phone behind. Ah, Goosebumps: where a main character's intricate plan equates to a real-world person's common sense. Jack puts this daring plan into action, only to be thwarted by an incidental character throwing the phone out the window to him. Wow, what if this had been different circumstances, where the owner cared and she missed? In fact, why did Jack bother to catch it? You knucklehead. Everything that happens now is directly the fault of your hand-eye coordination. Jack then starts screaming at the phone, saying how it can't call him because he switched it off. Passersby give him "this kid is a lunatic" stares.

Jack gets home and starts fiddling with the phone some more, despite it containing the threatening voice of a disembodied girl. He checks the section labelled "My Photos", and finds it's all full of pictures of him and his family. And, like, not candid shots either. Though that would've been a good, creepy, "holy shit, real-world stalkers" bit. No, it's just more supernatural nonsense that is never explained or mentioned again. Jack decides this is the best thing to freak out over and trots downstairs to show the phone to Mindy. Mindy's in the kitchen making mac-and-cheese for little sister Rachel. Jack doesn't want any, which baffles Mindy. "Everybody likes mac and cheese after school." And if you don't, you're an America-hating commie Martian!

Jack decides to tell everything to Mindy, and Mindy is appropriately skeptical. She picks up the phone herself and begins asking into it for the girl. There's no response, and Jack looks like an idiot. Ah, a Goosebumps protagonist in their natural habitat. Rachel chimes in that Jack is always a liar, and I've used flimsier excuses to post the Applejack meme.

"'Course some girl talks to me through the phone! Ah get loads of calls from girls every day!"

Jack shamefully goes back to his room, and Emmy chides him for trying to show her to the babysitter. Jack counters with the notion that he could just give the phone to his parents and ask them to find the owner. Emmy is quiet for a moment, then electrocutes Jack. Why, of course a phone's battery has enough charge to reduce a person to twitching spasms! Also, completely reasonable reaction, and a sure route to friendship. Emmy threatens to do it again if Jack doesn't listen to her, and even threatens his sister. More friendship!

Eli shows up now, having been summoned by Jack earlier. Eli is described as a little chubby and wearing cargo pants with pockets full of junk and T-shirts with jokes that aren't funny on them. Finally, an accurate description of what a kid would wear. If you were wondering, today's shirt says "I'm with brilliant" and points up at Eli's face. Wow, they weren't kidding about the "not funny" bit, eh? Now that we've had some accuracy, are you ready for irrelevant nonsense that I'm going to rant about anyway?

Eli also shows up playing a handheld video game system. It's a touch-controlled game with glasses-less 3D graphics. Why, it's the... Digi-GameFreak 4. What. C'mon, guys, these books have referred to the Wii by name before. And this book came out in January 2012, only a couple months before the 3DS hit the market. Did you really have to make up some generic bullshit system that doesn't exist? Also, stop saying "game-player". Nobody calls them that. They're handhelds or portables. I normally wouldn't mind so much, this is pretty standard for Goosebumps to make up fake things (see: any time comics are mentioned), but they have specifically mentioned the Wii by name before, as I said. It just feels horribly inconsistant

Jack explains the whole story to Eli, and he's a little more believing than Mindy. In fact, Emmy even obliges him a "go away, Jack has a new best friend", and Eli has to think about that for a while. Eventually, he comes to the conclusion that the phone has two SIM cards in it. And a second set of receivers and speakers, too. I'm not sure you can get all that junk inside a thin little smartphone and have it still function, and even if you can, that's a really elaborate and expensive prank to play on a middle schooler.

Jack considers this, then decides that even if this is a thing, Eli can't open it up because of how shocking Emmy reacts. Eli comes up with another plan. He'll put the phone in a box, and then he'll put that box inside of another box, and then he'll mail that box to himself. And when it arrives, he'll smash it with a hammer! Or, to save on postage, he'll just skip to the last step and gets a sledgehammer out of Jack's basement. The phone is quickly reduced to its component parts and splinters of plastic. Emmy doesn't even have the decency to scream.

Well, book's over, right? Not quite.

Satisfied that his technical knowhow (i.e. breaking stuff) has triumphed, Eli decides to play his bullshit video game some more. Oh, but this turns out to be a dumb idea. Emmy has moved from the broken phone to the handheld. So, she's basically the Cyborg Superman now. And boy is she miffed. And thus, she electrocutes Eli so badly that the game melts. Um, wow. The fact that he even moves after that is kind of unbelievable. The only damage he incurs are various burns on his hands. Jack's dad (Peter, I hope) walks by and notices the smoldering wreckage. He comments that games shouldn't overheat like that, it could be dangerous.

Eli stays for dinner, Emmy stays forever, and Jack's dad decides they should all go to the big electronics store after dinner. Dad has an itching for a new HD TV (you know what HD is, Stine/ghostwriter, but not the 3DS?), and he invites Jack along. Jack decides to yet again tell everyone about the phone and the girl inside it. His parents are horrified that he would wantonly smash a piece of electronic equipment that didn't belong to him, and they're kind of skeptical about electronic ghost girls, too. His mom shows her general ignorance of modern technology by suggesting the idea that he just didn't turn off the phone good enough, so Emmy just kept talking. They then demand to see the ruins of the bullshit handheld game.

Dad looks over the device for a minute, asking the girl to speak up. Then he hits it against his palm as if it lost its picture or something. This causes the handheld to let out a deafening screech that keeps on screeching. Eventually it subsides, and everyone is in quite a bit of pain. Dad decides "That player is defective. It's dangerous." Please refer to my previous Pinkie Pie clip. Conveniently, Eli bought the thing at the same place Dad intends to buy his new TV, so he's going to show it to the manager while there and get it replaced for Eli. He then herds the two boys into the car with him, and Jack wonders what the worst Emmy could do if she found out where they're going. Eli replies, "She could blow up the car." Yes, you're being very helpful.

Unfortunately for us, Emmy does not blow up the car, and the story continues. In fact, pretty much nothing happens at all. They get to the store without incident, and the defective video game is turned in to the manager. Eli and Jack dare to hope they are finally free. This is an incredibly dumb thing to do, because almost immediately all the lights and televisions flicker, and a giant pair of lips appears on each screen. Hey, there's that cover image. The lips start announcing that Jack can't outwit her and she'll always be here. People are confused, and it goes away as suddenly as it happened. Wow, this was such a climactic scene that it needed to be on the cover, yes?

Anyway, Eli gets his new handheld, Dad mistook the sale date of televisions, and they leave almost without incident. Then Dad suddenly remembers what else they should be doing: he buys Jack a cellphone. You know, the very device you were just deeply upset with him for destroying 20 minutes ago at dinner. Dad says it's high time he had one, so I guess destroying equipment is a rite of passage in the Harmon family? Hey, try wrecking the car next, Jack. After lengthy paperwork (one of the true horrors in the book), Jack has his own phone and is at home. Suddenly, Emmy starts talking to him through the phone, telling Jack not to worry, she's still here~

Jack thinks it's high time for some damn answers. He wants to know exactly who Emmy is (who still hasn't been named at this point, remember), and she's reluctant to say anything. Eventually she fesses up to being an AI glitch. Just an experiment in artificial intelligence that somehow got an electrical glitch and became a sentient digital lifeform.

Welp.

Anyway, Emmy (finally named now) is a living virtual pet, basically, and she can manipulate electricity (or "digital signals", as she says) to attack or move around. They're what keep her alive. But being alive isn't enough for her. She wants companionship. She's sure other digital people like her exist, and Jack's going to help her find them. In fact, he'll do whatever she wants or she'll hurt him. How fun~ All this aside, shouldn't this be a sci-fi book, and not horror?

Next day at school, Jack tries to text this to Eli, but Eli reports he didn't get them. Eli is intrigued by this whole artificial intelligence slant, and believe me, he's the only one. They head for class, and class is uneventful. That is, until Emmy starts detecting a signal. Another digital person is nearby, and she wants Jack to go retrieve it. Yes, in the middle of class. Jack refuses, of course, and Emmy threatens to burn all the flesh off his leg if he doesn't. I'm no leg expert, but that may hinder the retrieval of electric friends, you know. Either way, Emmy orders Jack to steal the laptop. Jack protests that he's in the middle of class, but she doesn't care. In fact, she finds him highly disobedient, and demands a show of obedience or she'll flashfry his pants. "Stand on your head, Jack," she commands.

Jack, not wanting the book to be any stupider, refuses. He gets a big shock for his trouble, and yelps and falls out of his chair. The teacher asks what the commotion is, and Jack claims to have been stung by a bee. The teacher dryly replies that it must've been a very big bee for him to make such a fuss. Hey. Hey, teach. Fuck you. You ever been stung by a bee? It fucking hurts. I'd like to see you not yelp and jump when stung. Hell, maybe he's allergic and is now dying. But no, you gotta be a snarky bitch about it.

Despite all this, Emmy still demands headstands. The chapter ends, and it cuts to after class, where he has clearly done a headstand. Mick and "The Hammer" are riding him about it, and Jack says that the bee sting just made him loopy. Everyone in this school is nuts, and I'm even including Emmy in that. Seriously, Emmy, you haunt technology, and this is the best you can do? There's more generic harassment, Mick expresses interest in Jack's digital watch, and Jack threatens to tell the bus driver, and she'll throw them off the bus. They laugh and say she can't do that, she'll lose her job. Um, hi, dumbshits, that's exactly what she can do. She won't lose her job, that is her job. This is completely ridiculous. It's like the author lives slightly left of reality. Handheld video game with touch controls and 3D graphics? Some other brand. Bus driver enforces rules? Lose her job. Bruce Wayne's parents shot in alley? Becomes the Joker.

The next day, Jack hides in the school so he can steal a laptop with a digital person inside. I totally just typed that sentence. He doesn't even wait until nightfall when all the teachers have left. No, just 'til, like, five. All the kids are gone, but there's still plenty of adults around. Yeah, I feel good about this plan. I'm excited by this. Well, long story short, due to this plan being super dumb, Jack is caught with laptop in his hands. The teacher questions him about it, and he makes up a story about how he was putting the laptop back. The teacher buys this, and Emmy is annoyed. But what can they do~? Emmy says Jack better do better next time. Jack is sure next time he'll be caught. And he narrates to us that, in fact, he was. But that's a long frightening story. So it has no chance of being in this book~?

The next next day, Emmy now detects a signal from none other than Mick's camera. Naturally, Jack is not keen on stealing from Mick. But after Emmy makes his backpack burst into flames, Jack starts to warm up to the idea. Jack makes a show of bumping into Mick at lunch, and deftly steals the camera in the mashup. Mick and "The Hammer" respond by eating Jack's lunch. Emmy doesn't have time to check out the camera yet, and thusly on the bus, Mick decides to go through Jack's backpack when he notices the burns. He finds the camera, but doesn't realise it's his. Instead he decides to give it to "The Hammer" as a present. So they lose the camera without accomplishing anything. Way to waste our time~

Not having had his fill of doing dumb stuff, Jack sneaks out of the house that night to wander the streets until Emmy picks up a signal. Finally she notices one outside a darkened house, one of Jack's neighbours. She commands Jack to break in and steal whatever it is that she's registering. Since this is obviously the best possible plan, Jack does, in fact, break into the house, reasoning that his neighbour is out late. There's a brief scene where Jack is startled by a cat that adds nothing, and then he locates the source of the signal: a clock radio. He takes it and leaves. Here's the super-dumb part: Emmy has him stop and let her scan the radio before they get too far. Couldn't she have done that in the bedroom? It'd be easier, because now Jack has to sneak back into the house and put the clock radio back. Predictably, he gets caught in the middle of this.

We cut away, and return to Jack being returned home and explaining this whole thing to his parents. Jack has the brilliant idea of saying it was a dare and pinning it on Mick and "The Hammer". What he doesn't realise until seconds later is that his mother would call up their parents. There's a brief phone conversation, and Jack's mom comes back mad. Turns out Mick figured out the camera switcheroo. Jack apologised a crazy amount and basically goes to bed mad.

The next morning, Jack wakes up to find his sister in his room. She's messing with the cellphone, and Jack realises what's going to happen just before it does: the cellphone messes back, and little Rachel is electrocuted. Jack finally snaps like a twig and smashes the cellphone with the sledgehammer that just happened to still be lying around. Emmy chides him for being dumb and says he can't get rid of her that easily. Jack smashes his iPod too, followed by his computer. Then the TV. Then the clock above the bed. Jack later discovers himself being hugged by Mindy, completely unaware of exactly what went on. Jack may be the first Goosebumps character to officially go super nuts~

No, really. He even sees a child psychologist. There's talking, there's therapy, there's a timeskip. And Jack doesn't hear from Emmy at all. Until one day a couple weeks later, he does. He's not happy about this. Turns out she's been hiding in his digital watch the whole time. And she's ready for him to find more friends for her again~

Jack suddenly has an out, though. Mick walks up, mocking Jack for talking to his watch. He's going to beat Jack up for stealing his camera, and then he's moving away to Detroit. Jack suddenly gets an idea. He gives Mick his digital watch as a gift. Mick's been admiring it throughout the book, and he decides this is good enough. He exits, and takes the watch with Emmy in it with him. And this time, Jack is really free~

Oh, except we need a crappy twist ending. Mick moves and days pass. Emmy is not heard from whatsoever. Eventually, the phone rings, and Jack nervously picks it up. Fortunately, it's not Emmy. It's a boy's voice. Mick's, to be exact. He begs Jack to help him. He's trapped in the phone, thanks to Emmy. And he can hurt Jack if he won't help... Haha, that makes no sense~

Sheesh. Well, despite what you might think, this book is not the worst thing I've ever read. In fact, this might be one of the better books I've read in this series. It's kind of a clever idea, and as usual it's ruined by shoddy execution. It also makes no sense as a Goosebumps book. It's like a sci-fi novel that got misappropriated into crappy children's horror. The ending also comes right the fuck out of nowhere, and has no explanation with the rest of the text. Were there even any other digital entities? Who can tell~? And yet, despite the dumbness present throughout, it wasn't the worst thing ever. It was at least readable, and had a interesting premise. But really, leave the technology-based horror to those who have actually used technology invented in the last 20 years~

One more thing: what the hell does the title have to do with anything? Were there no phone puns available?

[ciangiuffusvaniaorwhatever-blog]

Guess who’s back! I’m a slowpoke, still playing Dark Souls for the first time!

Well, actually, just one of many, not here to be liked or to do something useful, Just wanted to blog about videogames and  i’m happy i’ve resumed, it’s a good stress reliever. Been very busy getting my University degree (which i had!) and looking for a job, but i missed doing this! I’ll drop the italian blog (for now), don’t have enough brain power for both (still for now) Little disclaimer: i’m not a pro, this isn’t a review, just the opinions, rants and thoughts of one of the many. And my main language is not english, so just skip the monster mistakes there will be around. Time for my usual(?) pre-emptive TL, DR: New computer, Dark Souls is actually cool altought i have some doubts that become bigger looking at the full saga. Ok first things first. I’m finally on a brand new computer, little graduation present. Won’t waste time with bragging about the stats, it works and it’s pretty powerful. With it i could finally defeat one of the monsters that kept me from playing Dark Souls, the first: BLIGHTTOWN. Who knows the game (or the memes) knows that in that zone the player will experience an unhealthy amount of FPS drops. My old notebook had an Intel Graphics HD, you can already imagine. I struggled to the whole level, it was all completely dark, darker than my brightness settings should allow, plus i had 7-20 fps, dropping down the more models there were on the screen. It was so dark and clunky i lost my way in the swamps! I remember asking this to a friend years ago: “What do i have to find in the swamp? I know the boss is Quelaag but where do i find the entrance?”. He looked me a bit funny and said “Come on, how is it possible you don’t find it, it’s there, looks like a spiky mountain with a hole, it’s just there” he said simply. I didn’t understand what he meant and kept rolling through the swamp with poison eating my unliving flesh, i couldn’t find anythingand kept running around in circles until i grew annoyed due to the low fps i had and uninstalled everything. That was my experience in dark souls, Now, with my brand new machine I was determined (Picture Undertale’s game over in your mind) and give it another try. With 0 issues i sped trough the first part of the game, i reached the accursed Blighttown (actually from behind this time, the circular map is one of DS’s most awesome features), dropped in the swamp and...it was THERE. at my right, a huge mound with a hole. It was IMPOSSIBLE to miss. I made the most Apulean (it means from Puglia, the Italian region i grew and live in) reaction i can think of, i kept staring at the screen with raised eyebrows, pressed lips, and pointed the screen with my extended hand. This gesture means “Are you serious? Really? Is this a joke?” etc etc. It was just there. That boss fight was awesome tho, really well designed. Well after playing some hours (I’m currently in Anor Londo, close to killing the dynamic duo, for who knows the game) I can finally understand a bit of what Dark Souls is and why is so compelling. I’ve seen lots of love around for this Game. I can understand it now, since i like the game too. I personally liked silent narratives in games where you explore, i’m a Symphony of the night fan after all. Playing dark souls remembers me those goods time, going around, searching for items and secrets, really loved that kind of games. Plus it adds majestic level design, an interesting dark fantasy setting, a bit depressed maybe but pretty cool.  Ok we can criticize From Software’s policy of NOT SAYING ANYTHING, but well it’s a kind of approach to the game i (and many others it seems) do not dislike. It gave the players a thrill of discovery, differently from other games where you  watch the story and setting unfold via a massive amount of cutscenes like Metal Gear Solid for an instance. DS tells you almost everything via item description, a sort of “Serious” version of Castlevania’s item description, saying a good amount of things about the setting. About the story, well, there’s not much story, that is true, most characters are just there waiting for your arrival, sometimes it feels a bit static but well, it works. Dark souls is very well done and has some very very intersting ideas but i do not want to do a full review of it, so i’ll go on to the issue i found aout the setting. This issue becomes bigger and BIGGER looking on DSII and DSIII (I didn’t play them but i watched nearly everything on youtube, an Italian guy named Sabaku. Or Sbabaku. Long story. Pretty cool channel) We are presented with a world that it’s about to end, we know nothing of its beginnings. That’s the issue. we know NOTHING on how it began. “They came”: that’s it, we don’t know how humans began to actually be, where are the non-undeads, how is the world outside Lordran made, we know nothing. And in ds2-3 we still do not know nothing! How does the cycle begin after the end of the previous? Why only some people remain “alive” after the cycle resets? What happened before our arrival? I think this kind of fuzzy setting works for a standalone games, but in a Saga? I don’t know, i think after 3 games you should start clearing some doubts instead of adding them to the pile.  Well, i’m already (???) done, hope you found this even slightly interesting, I’ll try to keep this thing updated with my experiences and my thoughts about what i love, videogames. If you liked it feel free to follow or send me messages, i like some good ol’ chit-chat.  The normal guy who loves videogames retreats coolly. Alla prossima!

[valentinesweeklist2018-blog]

Some days I feel like I got this parenting s*** down to a science. Then there’...

Some days I feel like I got this parenting s*** down to a science. Then there’...

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Some days I feel like I got this parenting s*** down to a science. Then there’s mornings like today where reality slaps me in the face like ice cold water. I never understood how things can go so well, then go so bad. Each and every day is this journey that we take never really knowing where it’s going to lead. I’d like to say that my journey is exciting, fun, and how everybody wishes that they were on it with me too. But the reality of my journey is that each and every day is never the same,…

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[booksandtea]

Since Steam summer sales are arriving soon, Tecsie decided to clean up their Steam wishlist a little bit by writing a Steam Wishlist Clean Up post which was inspired by Lia’s Down the TBR Hole book blogger meme.

I really liked this idea and asked Tecsie if I could take part too so here I am. Though with a slight difference, Tecsie managed to go through a lot more of her wishlist in one go. I already know that will not be the case for me. So you’ll likely see a few of these.

Sit back, enjoy, and browse some video games with me.

Starting Point: 170

I love doing these posts and how excited y’all are for them too! We’ve done enough to know whats happening now so lets dive right in.

We’re opening this post with the three games I already knew I plan to remove whilst opening links. The Banner Saga 2 is a sequel to a game I haven’t started, never mind finished. Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Final Fantasy X | X-2 HD Remaster are two games within series I’ve already mentioned not wanting to keep on my wishlists because I either own too many of them (LEGO) or wont forget about them and know I’ll pick one up when I’m ready (FF).

Far Cry Primal is an open world that you can explore and go on an adventure in. Whilst y’know killing some old beasties. I’m pretty sure I want this game.

Heroes Rise Herofall is the sequel to a text based game I’ve finished a few times. Its built up entirely of text and you can select what routes you want to go down by the different choices you make. Loved the first and cant wait to see where this one takes  me.

I completed Shadow Warrior as much as I could – not quite 100% on the achievements but I’d love to run through it again and try it on a harder difficulty to pick up some of the – and I LOVED IT. Its so ridiculous, bloody, and funny that yes I need Shadow Warrior 2; whats even better about this game is that it has co-op too so realistically it’d be a perfect game for my boyfriend to pick uptoo.

Have I played Bioshock Infinite? No. Will I do one day? Yes. Is it worth me getting the Season Pass before then? Yeah I’d say so.

I’m already playing some of The Witcher 3 but this is The Witcher Adventure Game which basically makes it a strategy board game and yeah I’m really into playing video games like this. For any of you non-gamers, keep an eye out for this name in the future as Netflix are working on an adaptation for it or y’know, read the books too 😉

South Park: The Fractured But Whole is a sequel too… Ooops. I forgot that. Yeah I dont own the first so bye bye.

*sweats nervously* I guess making it ten posts in without coming across one of these games its pretty good given one of my most played games is an idle game called Sakura Clicker. Sakura Dungeon is made by the same people but this is an RPG story based game where you capture monster girls, collect lot, and reclaim what is yours… and there is anime tiddies, probably doing a bounce. I’ve always wanted to playthrough one of the Sakura games but there are very few that have achievements, this one does, so I’m keeping this fanservice anime trash!

Stats at the end of this post

Priority: 1 / 10 Keep: 5 / 10 Remove: 4 / 10 Steam Wishlist total: 151

We did it! I hope you like this post. Please let me know if you love any of these games or think you could be interested in any. I really enjoy doing these type of posts as I think it really shows non-gamers the wide choice of games out there because its not often I’ll play those that are big in the media.

If you enjoyed this post consider supporting Northern Plunder Ko-fi | Twitter | Book Club | RedBubble

  Steam Wishlist Clean Up (10) Since Steam summer sales are arriving soon, Tecsie decided to clean up their Steam wishlist a little bit by writing a…

[valentinesweeklist2018-blog]

I Love You Text Messages, Life without you seems so unfair. I cannot wait for th...

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[valentinesweeklist2018-blog]

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[valentinesweeklist2018-blog]

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