#I HAVE DEPRESSION NOW
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ok so i just gotta write something bc i watched godzilla 2014 with my fella and im crying
imagine youre one of the only two of your kind left on earth. everything wants you dead, but theres this one being who knows and understands that, and they love you. you were practically made for each other. you finally see them, despite a bunch of smaller creatures trying to kill you, and their immediate reaction to you? nuzzling you, reassuring you, showing you that they love you. you immediately get to work repopulating your kind, and theyre right beside you as you do so. then, the one thing on this earth that could ever truly harm you shows up. your children are destroyed, and then you and your partner, despite doing everything you can, are brutally killed.
you were the last of your kind on earth, and the one other creature that could ever show you love is dead beside you as you fade out.
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..Does anyone have any low calorie, weightloss drinks that don't taste like depression. Why does all the low calorie coffee and tea taste like suicidal thoughts.
FUCK THIS SHIT IM GONNA JUMP.
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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i finished mockingjay
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oh god guys Amy has abandonment issues
hey guys do you think amy has abandonment issues or
#I'm sad now#Amy is awesome#why is the world like this#i have depression now#We have never seen her parents have we#Oh no
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Me after three days of not reading the Bible:
Hello depression. It's been awhile.
#bible#random nonsense#I haven't read the bible in three days#i have depression now#Why#why do i do this to me#i'm stupid#sorry god#I can hang now#Just take my depression away please
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Council of lovefools.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#They don't have an actual sleepover in this scene but the vibes were so sleepover coded...I had to get them cozied up.#Late night talks with friends and family are some of the best conversations.#My siblings and I used to have room sleepovers with each other (Actually an excuse to stay up and talk about runescape)#Currently my flatmates and I also have really great heart to hearts late into the night.#Pondering shit like 'What defines confidence?“ and ”Why are people terrified of letting themselves fall in love?"#All that aside; There is a really great conversation between JC and WWX here. They are so close and yet so far way from each other!#Fundamentally they *agree* about many things - but JC now has to play the role of someone more 'mature'.#His temper is reigned in and he had to take a more nuanced approach. Whereas WWX can be far more reactionary.#JC has changed to become someone more mature (or at least he is trying).#Contrast this attitude with the scene *right* after where WWX literally goes baby mode with JYL. Rolling around going “I'm Fwee years old”.#When children are hurt we comfort them with hugs and warm food and a laugh. It's not enough when you're an adult. It's not simple anymore.#WWX is stuck in the past when everyone else is shifting and moving on! It's a depression allegory (and just...actual depression)#But we also get to see how some things have stayed the same. They still bicker about soup. They still tease. They are still together.#They all care for each other very much but they are struggling against trauma and are not equipped to talk about it.#You can't really blame WWX for being so protective over JYL. But JC is right: “You don't have a say in who she likes.”#It may have started as an arranged marriage but *she* is *choosing* what her heart wants. JC sees that. WWX cannot.#The final act of love is letting go after all.
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heres a crappy venn (??) diagram explaining the dynamics in the tl4j time travel au bc it's easier than trying to write a full plot
#tl4j time travel au#slightly longer ver is cal and ezra have 1. accepted what's happened to them and 2. know tragedy has given them an amazing found family#which they wouldnt have if everything was 'fixed'#and ezra knows from the wbw that changing the past is a Bad idea (which alongside the found family thing cal accepts n agrees w)#but ahsoka cant take her own advice and insists fixing this is Different to the Kanan thing#bc she has not accepted it the same way and her life is soo much more depressing and seeing the live republic reminds her#if she fixed the timeline she'd have her whole family back (bc rn she just has luke) and thered be so much less horrible horrible loss#and luke is the force's specialest boy so he assumes itll all work out great#its basically 'attachments + compassion for those the empire killed' vs 'attachments + acceptance of the world that exists now'#like both 'sides' are going half good jedi ideology and half attachment ig (tho cal n ezra i think have a one-up on jedi-ness of their idea#misc tag#but even tho cal n ahsoka/ ezra n luke have opposed goals theyre the only ones who understand what the other is going thru#so u get fun dynamics as shown by the diagram
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I’m curious how binary cant work for admech since day 1. At first, I thought it’s just high speed alternation in frequencies of sounds to denote 0 and 1, just like how computer cable does with voltage. So I wrote a python script to convert natural language to binary code then to sound based on the idea (so that I can curse in binary in ttrpg). However, since the human auditory cortex can only distinguish sound about 20ms apart, the current commonly used binary coding method (Unicode) that requires 8 bits to encode for one letter (16 bits for one character in Mandarin) would make binary cant less efficient than natural language through the bare ear. As a result, binary cant users not only need vocal implants but also auditory implants to receive info (or perhaps cortex implants to decode). Based on these assumptions, binary cant would be able to happen in sound frequencies not perceivable by the original human cochlea so techpriests conversation can be extremely quiet. And more efficiently, just through data cables.
Or it could be the other way around, scientists might develop more efficient binary language without basing it on the symbol system of natural languages (I’m not that familiar with linguistics so I don’t know if this is possible or not).
However, the sound techpriests made in the game mechanicus doesn’t sound like my assumption. There are definitely more than 2 pitches used in the conversations (which makes it less binary...) and they seem to be faster than natural language. I still couldn’t figure out what’s happening here. Do the twisting pitches actually encode more than one bit? Is binary cant actually an analog signal encoding a digital signal? Or is the sound effect just mean to sound better for the game?
The binary curse program (turn the sound on!):
#warhammer 40k#adeptus mechanicus#binary cant#question#I should think about my BDNF & depression paper now but#each time I have a paper due I start to think about every irrelevant thing
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come to the blanket fort. nothing can hurt you in the blanket fort.
#low-key having a depressive breakdown rn#love u guys#everything will be ok. even if i dont believe that right now#danny phantom#dp#little baby man#lbm#solhunder art#i dont want to live on this planet anymore
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(This post was sponsored by a 1+ hour commute)
#I'm so frustrated how little time and energy i have after a day is done#i didn't win the fight against depression to have lofe ruined by THAT now#lacking time and energy to go on job hunt.. it's all very small steps only#a part time job would be marvellous but what flat can be paid with that#maybe also my anxiety is stopping me from getting a new job. what if i get fired. what if it's horrible there. ahh.. i need more courage#mine capitalism#anti-capitalism#work
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crusty evolution redraw. in theory.
#xmen#xmen evolution#erik lehnsherr#magneto#quicksilver#pietro maximoff#snap sketches#i stopped liking this past the lineart stage but i told myself id try to finish whatever i start to at least try and learn somethin#did i learn anything ? thats for me to reflect on. for now tho ramble time 😌#its painful to draw erik with short hair but sometimes you gotta get outta the usual !! <- never doing this again#ive been ahead of my schedule with stuff i have to draw so ive simply decided todaay will be My Day for personal doodles#idk why ive decided my first evo fanart should be the one where erik and pietro leave behind wanda but ok !!!!! freak#i have a long hair ver but i didnt color it. i was just greedy .. not greedy enough tho evidently#anyways i have like. idk what four episodes of evolution left ?? depressing this show's great ...#i didnt nkow theyd have a david ep ... a pleasant surprise but now im emo ...#OH WELL lets see what else i doodle tonight#this week's going to be annoying but i think i say that every week LMAO and look at that i get through them anyway#we'll be fine and chill team .. ok bye bye
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もう一回、もう一回
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#fushiguro megumi#yuji itadori#itafushi#ryoumen sukuna#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#gomen its hina posts self indulgent art hours#this is fr me first and foremost. any1 else liking it is just a bonus in my eyes#i may not be able to animate but i am so happy with these regardless i think they turned out great :') treat fr Me#rolling girl megumi u mean so much 2 me suddenly#fun fact ! actually the first vocaloid song i ever listened to. stumbled across an audio post on this very tumblr dot com#and it forever changed the course of my taste in music#so it alr has a soft spot in my heart fr tht reason but Also the lyrics Also th whole deal w wowaka and Now w megumi.....#rolling girl u have become too powerful#anyway in th context of canon n megumi choosing to live i am choosing to interpret the song the less depressing way#where the boy represents a saving grace rather than being a personification of miku's char's demons convincing her to end it#n the ending being her deciding to stop fighting on her own n instead accept help from those around her#but i did also want to pay homage 2 the interpretation of him representing her inner demons#so i have redraws of both yuuji And sukuna as the boy#choose ur own adventure if u will#clutches heart why does it fit so WELL what cosmic force decided tht miku and jjk should overlap at all i just wanna talk#clearly something has it out fr me
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scorched earth.
a comic about a princess who died in a fire.
(this is a sequel to bite of winter, a comic about Snow and what became of her after her death.)
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creative notes:
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all my other comics
store
#cw: blood#cw: beheading#cw:death#cw: gore#cw: burning alive#so nice of ash to have prepared a barbequed buffet ready for snow when she arrives#if it wasn't made clear enough ash did die in that fire#she just did it while taking down as many people as she could in the process. and now shes a smoke monster#and yes. the fire powers do imply she's not quite human. but shes human enough to fall in love and die and thats enough.#im sorry this comic took me so long. i had about a week where i was very depressed and nothing got done.#thank you for your patience#and as always#thank you for reading#comic art#sapphic art#lgbt#horror#somehow not as scary as snow but ash is still fearsome in her own way#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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konbart zine pitches. the blacked out one is the one i ended up working on (it's still not done, ugh). go follow @konbartzine to get the zine once it's finished
#it could already be done i just keep falling into holes of depression#but i have like ten days it should be fine#dc#dc comics#bart allen#kon-el#bartkon#konbart#i hope it's cool to post this#none of these are too close to what i'm actually working on so i /think/ it's fine#impulse#superboy#i lowkey wish i'd picked one of the first two lol#i like drawing faces i'd have finished it ten times over if it was just faces#but the one i have now's more fun
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Blood on your hands.
Idea was made by @baylardo. She provided a little scribble and I messed with it.
#the spiral in the episode night I guess#there arent many characters out there that show true reclusion and depression feedback loops#she cant control people's fates :(#kathryn janeway#im not too happy with this but its just a quick little bit of practice lol#a mashup of my style with baylardo's#burple skivvy my beloved#startrek voyager#st:voy#captain janeway#janeway#art#my art#when ur on ur period (promised i would put that in the tags)#ummm yeah funny cos i feel a little neg about my art and stuff in my life right now IRONIC#i resent that i have to keep up art inbetween other art otherwise my skill rapidly degenerates sad!!!!#star trek voyager
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