#I HAVE AN EXAM TOMORROW BUT IT’S FINE (probably)
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redraw of one of @isjasz comic frames from the @hotguycomiczine because their entire section of the comic made me sob and scream
original/inspo ↓
(jas if u ever see this i think ur art is really cool i love it a ton hope u r ok with me redrawing something of urs - i probably should’ve asked sorry)
#hotguy comics zine#cuteguy#hermitblr#grian#fei draws#I FINALLY FOUND TIME TO DRAW THIS#I HAVE AN EXAM TOMORROW BUT IT’S FINE (probably)#PLEASE GO READ THE ZINE IF U HAVEN’T ALREADY
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gang i think i might genuinely be cooked for my stats exam tomorrow 😭
#i have ummm an 88 in that class rn altho my teacher says she has to mark one more thing and it’ll probably boost my grade#and then this exam is worth 15% of my grade#honestly im fine no matter what because i have to keep a 90 average but if fuck up this class then its excluded from the count towards that#so like i guess it doesnt really matter idk#but i dont know anything i really dont. i will be sitting there tomorrow clueless
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Fellas i am nervous
#i have an exam tomorrow#but its not just a regular exam. its an exam for a big group project that we've been doing since january#we even have to dress formal for it#its kinda like a thesis defense (or whatever its called in english)#but um anyway i am afraid that im gonna get a bad grade or that theyre gonna ask questions i cant answer#cause this is a group project so i dont really know that well about everything (though we probably should know each other's parts well)#but uhh anyway this project is not as important as my thesis (which i still have to work on)#so its probably fine if i make mistakes. i mean. our seniors made mistakes in their project and they passed so like i dont have to worry#and its only 3 credits which is low compared to actual thesis (5 credits)#but like... yknow... its starting to get into my head#im aware that this is a very normal reaction to a very normal event but goddddd i should learn how to meditate#on the other hand. i am excited to wear formal clothes bcs ive never had to wear them before hehe#im especially looking forward to wearing the black boots and black trousers combination#it made me feel so cool when i looked into the mirror#but anyway yeah. press like to wish me luck bcs i need it😞
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help me my mom is shipping me with some random chinese man whom i helped buying tickets
#it's crazy. knowing english and helping random foreigners is my passion#also so many things happening. i should write that fucking article when i get home lmfao#if my laptop wont fail me (i think she's fine now????? hopefully????)#but also like. I'll get to that tomorrow probably.#you know what i wanna do? if my laptop wont fail me i wanna play my fuckin game lmao#but idk if i should or if i will have time when i get home etc etc#also one more thing i look so freaking ugly in biometric photos im gonna sjjsnsndhdhfhhf#anyway if it works out i will have another photo next year so im trying not to let it get to me lmao#alsoooo just yesterday got accepted by a school in finland and today got a reply from one in germany#and they want me to take an exam in july lmao???? girl how tf will i get a visa etc with that timeline#anyway. ughhhhhh so many things happening etc#i wonder how my next months will be like. ok bys#bye*#🗒
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I have decided that this upcoming week and a half are going to be extremely not "banana bread at work dude hell yeah"
#between 3 exams accounting for 50% of my grade in my class#returning not only to work after 10 days off but returning to see the manager who caused my mind to fully mentally break#and now also the 3rd thing#I'm just spent and i dunno how I'm gonna keep moving#i picked up a second job in a funeral home too#have to go shopping for clothes after work tomorrow but it can't be too late cuz i have to come home to let the dog out#i have to do the same quickly on tuesday after work before rushing back in the direction of work#where my school is#so i maybe get... an hour of time to cram before exam#i need to order propane#i need to fix my car#i need to take care of my lawn and house#i need to grocery shop#typing it all out helps#i think I'm gonna grocery shop today#though the thought of food makes me feel really sick right now#whatever I'll feel fine by like friday probably
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It appears that I may have been a dumbass
#i just realized that monday is Tomorrow#i have. a massive exam that i haven't studied for whatsoever#y'all quick what's an integral. because i feel like i don't actually know <- i probably do i'm just stress panicking. maybe#damn i really thought it was saturday today#everything's fine everything's great everything's wonderful everything's awesome (hopefully)#you know what who needs taylor series anyway. im so close to being free of this class i cant fucking wait#shouldve made a tag for this given how often it happens. somethignn like arjuns calc stressing or somethin#gah. agh. ahhhhhhhhh#august rambles#one more day and then i swear i'll finish every fic i promised to write and then didn't
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:((((
#i am doing this entire database assignment by myself basically. some of them figured out the er diagram a few days ago and i volunteered to#write the paper because i was sick that day and felt bad for not participating#turns out literally everything they've done is wrong and im 99% sure it was all from chatgpt the code is wrong and not the way the professor#wants it. so now ive written the entire paper and have to rewrite the SQL code and build the fucking database#all while i have an exam at 8 tomorrow#im probably not going to sleep tonight#its fine im not like stressed to the point of feeling shitty and depressed i know that i just have to survive the day and things will be ok#after this#but idk how people can be like this#idk how you can be okay with letting one person do the majority of the work on a group assignment. if that were me the shame would kill me#and when i asked for help in the group chat no one responded it's been seen by all members but no reply and that pissed me off so much#id rather they come out and say they don't know how to do it than flat out ignore the work.
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the hits stop coming and they don't stop coming
#every time i think i can't feel worse i discover a new blow#TO BE FAIR. IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT BAD#i'm just like. really sensitive or something annoying like that#the worst part is that usually when i'm feeling low i can hinge my feelings on smth like 'if this happens that means everything will be okay#but then sometimes. it happens. and i still feel like the world is ending. so that didn't work now what do i do#ugh i didn't even feel this bad when i was like in the hospital a few months ago and it's literally just like. (in summary)#2 people i love are mad at me. i did really poorly in my exams and might lose my gpa. my car (highly attached) is breaking down and i need#get a new one#i start a new job tomorrow and i heard bad things about it from my classmates who started before me#+ i have serious doubts in my ability to dress neatly and well with all my shitty poorman clothes#+ i started breaking out#+ i just noticed i lost a bunch of weight likely from my hospital stay and i dunno how to get that back#+ my doctor said i'm not likely to get full mobility back at this point and it's upsetting me#also my spare tires are missing#ugh i'll be fine. i'll be fine i'll be fine i'll be fine. i'll be fine#i'm good at dealing BUT ONLY WITH SOME OF THESE. i can deal with the car and the job and the health. but interpersonal shit?#which is the thing upsetting me the most? wow surprise surprise local autist doesn't do people good#UGH anyway sorry for complaints on main i just feel like i got too many straws rn#it's 10:30pm i'm sure i'll feel better in the morning (ignoring the fact that i've been feeling almost exactly like this for days)#ugh. it's fine. i'll deal. only way out is through or whatever
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fucking finished my english essay let’s gooo
#i need to edit it tomorrow bc i think it’s probably trash#but it’s fine!!! it’s done!!!#it’s technically one word over the maximum limit but i’ll fix that!!!#and i did it before 2am#anyway idk whether i’m gonna do fic stuff#bc i promised myself an award but also i do have an actual written exam tomorrow as well#so i should probably sleep#but we’ll see how i’m feeling#but anyway#i have emerged from the battle triumphant! ts eliot is dead on the ground behind me!
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kms i wanted to draw so ofc i did all the things to put me in the mood i had a mug of coffee (its a big mug) i watched a movie to get inspired i even ate so i wont be hungry AND NOW i dont feel like it???
#girl why. why are yoh doing this to meee..... i wanted to make another car crash valentine bc i felt like one is not enoughhhh#but i guess that the one is fine too .. i can always draw more of them but i did want to have them ALL ready to post on wednesday :(#oh well such is life.. i should probably take tomorrow to study for the one exam i decided not to skip this week#piksla.txt
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...... fuuuuuuck
I juuuuust want to be dead.
that is all
going to bed now. taking my thesis and my laptop and a pen and paper with me. and hoping I'll have at least a couple useful thoughts before I pass out (I won't)
#it'll be fine it'll be fine it'll be fine#but I can't help feeling like this is the point where I fuck up my entire future#I mean. I ASSUME the fact that I got invited to the oral exam means my thesis#was at least good enough to barely pass???#but if I don't know ANYTHING tomorrow I will still fail!#and it feels BAD. and SCARY. and I don't handle that well#need. to. die#right now. can't stand it#goddddddd someone kill me#AND ALSO. having to be face to face with that shitty professor and having to listen to him explain alllll the ways in which I am a#dumb fucking idiot? yeah that'll fucking feel bad! and I won't be able to leave! and I will cry! because that's what I do!#maybe it'll be so bad that I pass out! wait I wouldn't mind that actually. hm if I just think about awful enough injuries and people in pain#I could probably make myself pass out. okay that's my plan Z now I guess. (plan A is 'open my mouth and hope a sentence comes out'. plans#B to Y are '.......'.)#😭😭😭😭#actually plan Y is pass out. plan Z is build a time machine and go back in time and make yourself be less stupid and study for this crap#tw suicide#or whatever
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exam tomorrow!!! i'm fine i'm totally calm i'm not panicking!!!! i'm not bouncing around inside my brain suppressing the need to scream!!!! (lying)
#it's fine it'll be fine it really doesn't matter (still lying)#paralysed by the pressure i have put on myself#turns out i do in fact have to pass the exam tomorrow to pass the unit so that sucks#(not bcos i (probably) wouldn't have a high enough grade to pass without it but bcos it's a hurdle sigh)#LA LA LA LA LA LA LA SOMEBODY HOLD MY HAND PLEASE
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so close...freedom is Right There....
#the good news is this exam is actually only SIXteen hours over two days instead of seventeen like I'd thought#the bad news is that it's split 7 and 9 hours instead of 8 and 8 and the second day starts an hour later#which would be fine except I also have to catch a flight#was hoping to be able to stop by home on the way back and pack but I might have to pack...in advance (shudder)#OH SHOOT I FORGOT THE BIOSTAT REVIEW#I KNEW IT I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING I MEANT TO DO TODAY#man this is what you get for spending the first four hours of the day in bed doing nothing#(that is a lie. I was catching up on belated femslash feb stuff)#(but still Nothing Productive)#cannot wait to be done and on the other side of this good lord#imagine actually being able to DO THINGS AGAIN#I know the creativity will not magically turn on like a faucet as soon as this passes but. one can dream.#Cheese's personal molasses#SO many fleeting ideas and SO little power of execution#(except my execution tomorrow ;'D)#hm. should probably go to sleep#but I don't want tomorrow to start yet#okay NOTES TO SELF:#WATCH THE BIOSTAT VIDEOS#cases cases cases cases cases#some mcq if you really want but mostly cases#pack...I guess......#how expensive would it be to briefly rent a trumpet vs. checking in a bag
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besties i am pleased to announce that i am finally free from psychology
#it has been hell#like the stuff is really interesting but the exams are a fucking nightmare#that being said i only really fucked up one of my eight markers on paper 3 so it's probably fine#but FREEDOM#(this is a lie i have maths tomorrow (good) and spanish on weds (i have barely revised) but yeah)
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had a friend stay over last minute yesterday which was nice bc I hadnt seen them irl in almost a year but did my mum have to text me at 12am apropos of nothing saying she was sorry I had to have her as a mother and she knows she needs help and diagnosis and medication. Man
#just really really hope shes not drinking again bc shes done rly well to be sober for so long now#told her i loved her and tried to say smth reassuring and that she should go to bed bc it was late and i was going to sleep too#we were having a completely fine conversation earlier she was chatting abt the exercise classes she'd been taking...#i think she was watching a psychology lecture on adhd and probably started ruminating bc of that idk. i worry abt her esp being alone atm#but hopefully ill be able to see her in person next month. ill text my brother later to see if hes been keeping tabs too#AH! dont need to be thinking abt this at 8am at work! i have an exam this morning! and emails to reply to!#its ok tho movie night tonight and gym tomorrow letsgooooo and i have mail to pickup and i just preordered plastiboos new artbook#many good things to look forward to :-) and some maybe exciting things in motion.... but we will see no pressure#okay im gonna go work love u everyone byebye#.diaries
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mmmmmmmm
#i feel so unstressed about the things i should feel stressed about and so stressed about minor things#like agh. i submitted the first speech that i've written in years to my peers who are really good at speeches to review. shaking.#they said it was too informal. which is true. but i'm like “oh no do they hate me do they think i'm stupid am i gonna die is it okay”#meanwhile. i have a midterm tomorrow. worth 15% of my whole grade. and i do not feel stressed at all#i have only studied 1 hour. i do not feel that i need to study.#oh SHIT i have reading to do for tomorrow too#hm. but anyway like. it's a classics exam for a very beginner level classics course so i feel overqualified#but like... hahaha what if i am overconfident and then i fail it and then i feel stupid#i sound stressed but i don't feel stressed about that. really. more like “huh it sure would suck.”#also i'm officially like about to change my major to classics and i have a question for my classics prof abt like... a sort of niche thing#and i'm so scared to ask him because he's really cool but also intimidating. but like. oh shit if i'm a classics major i'm gonna have to#interact with the classics department. but the classics department is so cool and scary. much like the speech people.#i am so fine!!!#OH ALSO tomorrow i have a little archive dive i get to dig through old things that's super super fun i love the archives#<- guy whose favorite color is green and is employed by an elias thing to say.#sigh okay i'm gonna go look at the Feedback on my speech. ugh. agh.#i should probably study a bit too.........#dante dicit#might delete
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