#I GO INSANE ABOUT SAI WHY DID THEY JUST DO THAT!!!!!!!!

[half-oz-eddie]

I didn’t know I wanted you (Until I couldn’t have you)

Part 4/5 (master list)

“Buck?” Eddie called out to a very distracted Buck. “Something wrong? You’ve been looking at your phone all night.”

“I-I’m always on my phone.” Buck nervously laughed.

“Sometimes…” Eddie nodded. “But not this much. Did you find a substack or something?”

“Uh…yeah.” Buck lied. “Just doing some deep diving.”

Eddie snickered in response, shaking his head. “Of course you did.”

Actually, Buck was checking his phone waiting to hear from Tommy about his date.

As the night went on and it was nearly midnight, Buck assumed the date went really well and Tommy took this mystery person home, or vice versa.

The following morning, Buck didn’t bother to text Tommy and told himself he’s probably sleeping in or spending time with his date.

When Tommy finally texted back, Buck unlocked his phone within seconds, eager to read the text.

He…? Not that Tommy needed to come out to Buck, because Buck’s cool. Totally cool. He’s an ally. He has queer friends. It shouldn’t even be a big deal that Tommy’s revealing this information to him.

Oh God I hope that didn’t sound too forward.

Tommy took Buck to a taco bar and Buck asked about his date, trying not to sound like he was prying for information.

Tommy’s responses were brief and vague.

Guy’s name is Edgar. He’s 42. Works in accounting. Loves the outdoors and mountain biking.

He sounds boring. Buck thought. But he liked all the stuff Tommy liked. He was even a trained pilot and he knew some Muay Thai.

Maybe he’s more interesting than me. Buck negatively thought.

“S-so you guys are gonna go hiking?”

“Yeah, I was thinking of taking him up the trail we went to. I know it pretty well and it seems like a great spot to go.”

Buck felt like his heart exploded in his chest. He felt like his soul was going to leave his body. Even death would have been kinder than this. “O-oh yeah? That’s cool. He’ll love it.” Buck forced out with a fake smile.

Tommy nodded. “Hope so.”

“Yeah, it’ll be pretty romantic. Especially if you end your hike by the picnic area an hour before sunset, when the sun is low and it creates this nice warm light. They-they call it the golden hour because the sun, it—it’s golden with a warm, reddish—“ Buck laughed to himself. “Sorry I know it’s your date, I-I was just—“

Tommy shot buck a fond smile. “I think that might be a little too romantic for a second date. We’re still getting to know each other.”

“Oh—ah—yeah. Y-you’re right.” Buck nervously chuckled. “I guess so.”

Sure, it was just the very beginning of their dating stage, but it felt like the end of the world for Buck, and he just couldn’t figure out why.

But boy, did it hurt like hell.

A week later, Buck found himself complaining to Eddie and Maddie in a separate group chat he’d created for just the three of them.

Buck realized he was starting to sound a bit insane and deleted the entire message.

He didn't want to say that either. He didn't agree with Maddie. She wasn't wrong, she just didn't understand the sort of...friendship they had.

Buck glared at his barrages of texts, hoping he didn’t sound too eager or too annoying.

Buck put on one of his best shirts and threw on his apron and immediately started prepping for dinner. He was so excited to finally see Tommy again and cheer him up that he couldn’t stop smiling.

He rented Love, Actually to stream, curated a playlist of some of Tommy’s favorite songs, and even mixed up some boxed cake mix.

He didn’t have any frosting, so he hoped strawberry preserves would do.

He wanted this evening to be perfect for Tommy, so he could forget all about the cheating bastard that wasted his time and possibly broke his heart.

The thought of Tommy having a broken heart nearly shattered his own. He needed to fix it. He needed to let him know that he would always be there for Tommy, like Tommy was there for him.

Buck texted Tommy to let him know the door was unlocked for him.

Tommy welcomed himself into Buck’s apartment. Buck looked up from the counter, a wide ecstatic smile painted on his face.

“Smells amazing in here.”

“I hope so. I’m just throwing a few things together. It won’t be perfect but—“

“It’ll be perfect. It was more than I could’ve asked for. Thank you for all of this.”

Tommy’s eyes fell onto the cake on the counter. “You even baked a cake?”

“Uh yeah, but I don’t have any frosting. I hope strawberry preserves are—“

Buck glanced over at Tommy as he was helping himself to a slice of cake, slathering the strawberry preserves on top.

Tommy shoved a generous helping into his mouth, glancing up at Buck with wide eyes. “Sorry. Did you want me to wait until after dinner?”

Buck laughed, shaking his head. “It’s fine. Whatever you want.”

“It’s good cake.”

“It’s just from a box. I adjusted the recipe a little bit to make the cake more moist and flavorful—“

“It worked. This is delicious.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

They sat down and ate dinner, laughed and caught up on daily life outside of Gerrard and definitely outside of Edgar.

They watched Love, Actually and finished off the night with some beers.

“You’re right, Tommy. This is some really good beer.”

“Mhm. I told you.” Tommy paused to finish his beer. “Thank you again, Evan. Tonight was…really fun.” He smiled. “Really helped take my mind off—“

“You don’t have to think about him, Tommy. I’m here for you. You don’t have to feel alone.” Buck realized how strange his statement may have sounded. “You’ve also got all our friends at the 118 too.”

Tommy nodded with a small smirk. “I know.”

There was something odd about the sound of Tommy’s voice. Perhaps he was looking for something more. Something Buck just couldn’t give him.

But Buck, somehow, still wished he could give him everything.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 165 thoughts

Aqua Hoshigan Status: It's Officially Hoshinover

Chapters Until The Story Ends Without The 143 Kiss Being Addressed Or Acknowledged: 1

damn i guess they really did just kill his ass

I'm gonna be so real with you gamers, I kind of don't have a lot to say about this one either lol. Which I acknowledge sounds completely wild given the Everything that happens in it, but most of my meat and potatoes analysis in these reviews comes from breaking down characterization and we're flying through everything at such breakneck pace that we're barely getting any characterization.

It continues to drive me bugfuck insane that Ai is completely absent from this finale despite the importance of 15 Year Lie. Its imagery is plastered all over but whenever we return to it, we just see Aqua. Not only that, but Gotanda is the one who insists on pushing the movie through for Aqua. 15YL as a story about Ai's true self and her tragedy is now officially taking a backseat to being about Aqua's tragic death and legacy. It was already bad enough that we spent so much time in the Movie Arc not actually focusing on Ai to the extent that, as everyone pointed out, based on what we saw on-page it was basically a Sad Kamiki Movie, but this really is just pissing right in the wound at this point lmao.

The funeral scene also serves as the final nail in the coffin for any Secretly Alive Aqua copes, which is kind of a relief. I still don't like how Aqua's death played out, but I think dragging it out for four chapters then going "sorry you thought i was /srs when i was just /jk" would have been infinitely more insulting. I don't like this ending, but I can respect that Akasaka seems to be sticking to his guns on it, even if we still do have like a whole chapter left for him to whip around and go "I WAS /JK ALL ALONG!!!!" but I don't see it happening.

Anyway, yeah! The funeral! Uh. Is it gonna sound weird if I say I felt kind of like… grossed out reading this the first time? Like, I really don't know how else to explain the visceral "why the fuck is the author making me read this" reaction I had to it. I think it's just because Kana is so fucking distraught here and the drama is just so hammy and so over the top that it feels kind of… ech. I dunno. I just really didn't vibe.

It doesn't help that this is part of a much broader pattern in the back half of OnK of Aka getting us right up close into the gory details of a character's complete mental breakdown and suffering and then spend zero time or focus on their recovery. This happened with Ruby all over the Movie Arc and this many times and with this little runway to the end of the series, it just starts to feel exploitative, like a way to cheaply pull at our heartstrings without doing the work to build everyone back up after tearing them down.

also pre-emptively dreading all the fuel this is going to add to the fires of People Who Are Weird And Misogynistic About Kana but she could die saving innocent children from a burning building and people would find reasons to be shitty about her lmao

we really are not seeing ruby's reaction to finding out her brother was dead huh lol

I will say the one thing I didn't Actively Dislike about this chapter was Ruby, though. I was honestly starting to get pretty skeeved out with how many people were gleefully predicting or actively wishing for her immediate suicide purely for ship motivated reasons and I was also worrying that the story was going to pretend that Ruby doesn't like. Have a life and support system outside of Aqua. Yes, she should absolutely be affected by his death but this period of her shutting down only to drag herself back onto her feet that we seem to be getting feels way more in line with pre-Movie Arc flanderization Ruby and I'll take that W where I can get it.

god. I haven't even talked about Kamiki's supposed serial killer cult. I just don't have the strength. Like… that's self-evidently stupid, right? I don't need to explain to you why that's ridiculous and unbelievable? You don't need me to tell you why it's fucking crazy that we're getting this information about the alleged overarching antagonist of the series not only in the second-to-last chapter of the entire series but after he was already dead, right? We can just move on? Ok good. jesus christ.

FINAL CHAPTER NEXT WEEK…

[anachronismstellar]

SQH x Wine Peak lord

I would imagine SQH would teach the Wine Peak Lord modern drinking games and it goes from there. (IDK if it will go like the SVSSS extra if you know what I mean.)

HISHSDAUFHUSDHDF not only did SQH taught a modern drinking game, UNO is now canon in the SVSSS lol

AND FUCK YEA BODY SHOTS LET'S GO

A Peak Lady this time! :D Her lovely name was given by @busysavingtheuniverse, thank you so much and I hope you enjoy my wine aunty!!

Omg I'm so sorry it took me this long but *waves at the past weeks*

But to make it better this is ahahahah 13 pages long on my docs. :D

Why I am going a little insane ty for asking

BTW, this one has mild explicit content AND it has two adults getting reaaally drunk before having sex. Everything is consensual, but if that makes you icky, maybe skip this one

Now, on with the fic!

--------

The room was filled with the scent of incense and tobacco, the lights bright just enough to create an intimate atmosphere. Four people gathered around a low table, the clacking of ivory pieces mixed with their low voices.

And the wine, of course, flowing like a river, making laughter bubble free. They probably shouldn't drink so much, their week packed with meetings and trainings, but if their dear Mu Qingfang himself was indulging, who were they to say no to a bit of fun?

The stones were given to each player, some of them being exchanged back and forth, the match starting with their host setting down the first piece.

And as soon as the game began, so did the gossip.

"Has anyone heard from their disciples yet? Wei-shixiong?" Mu Qingfang asked as he poured wine for all of them while waiting for his turn in the game.

"Not me," he replied as he discarded his stone, cursing right after, trying to take it back, only to get a tap on the wrist by Qi Qingqi sitting on his right.

"Pong. Don't cheat." Qi Qingqi said as she moved her pieces at a speed that would leave anyone dizzy, already displaying a group of three identical stones, her eyes focused on the game, shoulders tense.

"I heard nothing from him as well," Mu Qingfang added along with his own discarded stone, moving way slower than his shijie on his left. "But I don't think he noticed the rumors yet."

"I don't wanna add to the fire," Zhang Qingyan started as she tapped her nails on her pieces, holding her pipe between her teeth to move her own blocks before continuing. "But I heard some An Ding disciples talking about Liu-shidi being the last victim."

"Really?" Mu Qingfang asked, genuinely surprised. "I thought he was scared of Liu-Shixiong?"

"Oh he is!" Wei Qingwei said a bit too excited for someone losing their third round or so. "But I heard that girl, what's her name? The An Ding Head Disciple? Qi-shimei, do you know who I am talking about?"

"Ye Ling."

"That's the one," Wei Qingwei threw another piece at the discarded pile, then sipped his drink. "She said Liu-shidi scared the soul out of Shang-shidi's body, and Shang-shidi grabbed him and threw Liu-shidi on the ground."

"And that would do it, wouldn’t it? Liu-shidi is so odd…" Zhang Qingyan took another smoke from her pipe, then offered it to Qi Qingqi, who just refused with a shake of her head. She had lost the three last matches, and that mixed up with how much wine they had already...

Zhang Qingyan moved a little bit to the side, just in case.

"Who is missing then?"

"Almost half of the peaks, I believe."

"Do you think he's gonna sleep with all the lords?"

"A bit difficult, I mean, Gao-shidi has eyes only for his talismans. And Qi-shijie-" Mu Qingfang said as he took the pipe Qi Qingqi rejected.

"I won't touch men, not even if there's no one else in the world," she said as she put down her stone, glaring at Wei Qingwei.

"Don't look at us like that." Wei Qingwei gave her a wink, laughing at her face of disgust. "You haven't got the full Shang Qinghua experience!"

"It baffles me how he got himself into the bed of so many." She pretended to move her pieces around, just like Zhang Qingyan pretended not to see her take a piece from the discarded pile without the others noticing. "I tried to ask him where he bought his ink, you know the shimmery one? I couldn't open my mouth before he ran away like a scared rabbit."

"And can you blame Shang-Shixiong?" Mu Qingfang chuckled as he put his stone down, a light brush on his cheeks even though he had just a few cups. "Qingqi-shijie talking to a man of her own will is not something common to see. He probably thought you're going to ask for his liver."

"Hunf! I didn't need anything from him anyway." She flipped her hair back, as if she hadn't just confessed wanting to ask Shang-Shixiong a question. "My girls were more than able to gather all the information I needed to buy the ink."

"What I find really intriguing is that so far it has been all peak lords and no lady," Zhang Qingyan said as she poured another cup for Qi Qingqi and then herself, sighing at the taste of plum and spice. "Is he even interested in women?"

"Zhang-shimei, not you too," Qingqiu shook her head in dismay. "You are not considering-"

"The boys keep talking nonstop about him. And as Mu-Shixiong doesn't tell me anything-"

"It's doctor and patient confidentiality!"

"-I'm curious, that's all."

The entire table got dangerously quiet before exploding with noise.

"No, no, no, absolutely not, I have my money on Wu Qingfang being the next one!"

"Please don't indulge this nonsense, they are already insufferable as they are-"

"You should call him for the next game." Mu Qingfang took a sip of his wine, the red on his cheeks spreading down his neck. "He's been dealing with a lot lately, I bet he would enjoy the distraction."

She turned to look at him, eyebrows pulled up in surprise as she slowly let go of her smoke.

"Mu-Shixiong really thinks so?" She tapped her ashes in an empty bowl next to her chair, ignoring Qi-Shijie and Wei-shixiong bickering to focus on her dear doctor. "You-" she paused, glancing at the two other cultivators, certifying they were distracted before taking his hand and gently squeezing it. "You know him better than any of us..." She paused again, their eyes meeting, a heartbeat passing before he gave her a soft smile, glasses a little crooked.

"I know it's been a while since he had good wine." Mu Qingfang squeezed her hand back with a discreet shake of his head. "And if there's anyone I trust to show him a good time would be Zhang-shimei."

She nodded slowly as she clicked her cup against his before taking her sip, the sweetness of the wine tingling on her tongue, making her sigh.

"Besides," Mu Qingfang continued, taking his last piece from the face-down pile. "Shang Qinghua is not that bad. The secret is to hand in his paperwork on time and not ask for any last-minute favors. Then he doesn't care about the rest."

"Hah!" Wei Qingwei exclaimed as he waved one of his pieces at Mu Qingfang's direction, showing its symbol for anyone to see. "It also helps that you like sucking his-"

Smack!

The sound of Qi Qingqi slamming both her hands against the wooden table was loud enough to make them all stop and stare at her bright red face.

"Can we talk about anything else that's not Shang-shidi- Shang- the A-An Ding Peak Lord love life?" And at each stutter, her grip on the table got stronger, to the point of her knuckles going white. "Honestly, you are all worse than my teenage girls!"

They looked at each other before lowering their heads with soft mumbles of "Sorry Shimei" and "Sorry Qi-Shijie." Zhang Qingyan felt bad for her poor Shijie, Wei-Shixiong must have already talked her ear off about Shang-Shixiong if she got to the point of exploding like that.

They went back to focusing on the game, their silence lasting for three more rounds before Wei Qingwei opened his mouth and-

"But how long do you think it will take until he notices his disciples bragging about him fucking Liu-shidi?"

Qi Qingqi grabbed the closer bottle she could reach and took a big swing while Zhang Qingyan patted her shoulder, holding back her laughter.

-------

Shang-Shixiong and Zhang Qingyan had a very... Feeble relationship.

They were both close friends to Mu Qingfang, but they had never actually talked anything substantial outside of small talk.

If anyone asked Zhang Qingyan why, she would say they just hadn't much in common. She liked her wine and spending days and days in her peak, experimenting with all types of tinctures and salts, while he would never stop going on and on about paperwork and numbers, topics she wanted to avoid like demons after she closed her office doors.

She knew he was a good man, Mu-Shixiong wasn't one to praise freely. She just had been under the impression of Shang-Shixiong being a busy bee that cared only for his work, with no time to let his hair down. Literally.

Then came the rumors.

First was a joke that she caught among her disciples, then a bet here and there. Upon a bit of a digging, she found out a very interesting talk among the disciples of all peaks. She didn't believe it at first, and who would?

But then Wei Qingwei told his own story, and added to what she knew Mu-Shixiong and Shang-Shixiong would get up to...

One couldn't ignore all the evidence.

She got curious, of course she did. Did she believe that her invitation for a game of Mahjong would be accepted? Honestly, no.

Was she disappointed when instead of a polite decline she received a confirmation of his presence at their next gathering?

Absolutely not.

"This one would like to apologize to Shang-Shixiong for the absence of the other guests," she said as soon as they sat down on the low table, the set of Mahjong organized over it, ready for a game. "Mu-Shixiong had to cover his head disciple's shift, and Wei-Shixiong is lost in his forge, he said he was about to finish his last masterpiece and couldn't come."

"You mean his masterpiece of this month, right?" He took his wine cup from her hands with a small nod, waiting for her to pour her own drink before taking a sip. "Hoping he doesn't blow up another forge."

"Let's hope not, or he won't escape Qi-shijie's fury this time."

The name made Shang Qinghua tense, a weak laugh escaping his throat while he looked around, as if Qi QIngqi would jump from the curtains at any moment.

"Speaking of her, you said she was invited too...?"

"Oh, she's invited, but with Qi-shijie is always a wild guess,"

They left their talk trickle down as they both sipped their wine. When the silence kept going, Zhang Qingyan put her cup down to get her pipe. If she was going to host, she would have a good smoke.

"Do you want some?" She offered the tobacco. "I also have another wine, if Shixiong prefers something a bit stronger."

"This wine is perfect, thank you," he said as he rushed to take another sip, nodding his head. "But- uh. I wouldn't mind a smoke, actually."

He took his own pipe out of his robes, filling his pipe with fresh tobacco, shoulders dropping as smoke left his lips.

Deciding not to let the conversation die a horrible death, Zhang Qingyan poured more wine to them, hoping for it to loosen up Shang-Shixiong's tongue.

She wanted at least some gossip to tell Wei-Shixiong!

"I'm sad that I've invited Shang-Shixiong all this way for a match and we won't be able to play." Zhang Qingyan said after taking another sip of wine before starting the task of putting the Mahjong pieces away.

He quickly started helping her to put all the pieces in the silk lined box, picking up one or other to admire the hand work. "We could play something else, if you would like," he suggested when they finished putting everything away.

"Oh? What do you suggest?"

He patted his robes until he found a qiankun bag, taking a bundle of paper from it, setting on the top of the table. "Have you ever played Yi?"

She put the box aside, reaching for the papers, letting out a surprised "Huh" when she touched it, not finding it as flexible as she was expecting. And the colors! There were the ones with numbers, but also many drawings, some of them so detailed one could stare at them for hours.

"You've made these?"

"Oh no, no, I'm not an artist. But I know a lady that does some commission work, so all I had to do was describe the cards for her to make."

"They are beautiful..." she whispered while admiring a red phoenix delicately painted to look as if it was curling around the number nine. "How do you play it?"

He delicately took the cards from her hands, setting one of each type on the table, explaining one by one along with the rules of the game. And during the entire time she couldn't help but feel impressed, her polite smile slowly becoming sincere the more he talked. And she could see that Shang-Shixiong was opening up too, his own lips curling up in a smile, eyes crinkling with joy every time she asked a smart question.

"And there are many ways you could bend the rules, some people back in my town would play it as a drinking game."

"A drinking game?" Zhang Qingyan immediately perked up, eyes glinting with mischief. "Would Shang-Shixiong want to try going against me? Really?"

He squinted his eyes at her, and she could see him biting the inside of his cheek, as if considering his changes.

"Yes, let's make it a drinking game."

Oh poor dear, he had no idea, had he?

It wasn't his fault, really. Zhang Qingyan wasn't the type to brag, and again, they hadn't spent enough time together for him to know what a terrible mistake he had just made. And before he could go back on his offer she brought a cheaper wine, pouring them both a cup full to the brim, pulling her sleeves up so they wouldn't get in the way of her handling the cards.

Shang Qinghua shuffled, cutting the deck in half and then shuffling again, giving each of them seven cards, picking one from the top of the remaining, a beautiful blue bird with the number 6 next to it settling the first color of their game.

And so it started. 

"Zhang-shimei is a fast learner," he downed his wine in one swallow, without blinking at the strong taste. She could see he wasn't expecting her to get the rules so fast, their first round ending with Zhang Qingyan's victory. "Maybe we should add more drinking rules."

"Shixiong is too kind," she batted her eyelashes at him. "But if you think you can keep up with this one, we could add a cup each time one has to buy two cards or more."

"Deal," he agreed with a smile that was too sharp and too dangerous, a glint in his eyes that made her giggle with anticipation. It was like she could hear Mu-Shixiong's voice laughing with her, poking at her ribs while saying proudly. "Told you he's not bad."

…She could also hear Wei-Shixiong too, a whistle followed by "Careful, Shimei~ you gonna fall for it~"

"I'm not falling for it," she thought as she shook her head while giving all the cards for Shang Qinghua to shuffle again, firmly ignoring the way her heart picked up pace when his warm hands touched hers.

They played another round, and then another, tricking each other as much as the cards themselves tricked them, drying one bottle then two, then four. At some point Shang-Shixiong had let his hair down, and Zhang Qingyan had lost her outer robe, both stacking cards as fast as they could just to see the other fumble, smoke and alcohol making the room spin softly around them.

"I didn't know Shimei was such a good drinker," Shang Qinghua set his card down, laughing as Zhang Qingyan cursed like a demon, picking up two cards before drinking her wine. "I should have proposed that we drank each time one has to buy a card instead of two or more."

"Careful, Shixiong, one could think you were trying to seduce poor little me," she replied with a sweet smile, while curling her hair on her finger.

"Oh shimei, if I were really trying to seduce you, I would suggest body shots," he laughed, then drinking his cup after drawing a card.

"What are body shots?" she couldn't help but ask, glaring at the bright green dragon in the middle of the table, her cards dancing in front of her. She had the card to change colors for a while now, but she could also make him draw four more cards.

Hmmm choices choices...

"Oh, uh," his hesitation made her raise her glance at his red face, surprised at how he had gone from relaxed and cheekey to embarassed in less than seconds. "It's- It's something from my town? But, ah, is a bit-"

"Shixiong," she set her cards turned down at the table, putting her elbows on top of it so she could rest her chin on her hands. "Is it a lewd game?!"

"Oh Heavens," he hid his face between his hands, groaning. "I should not have mentioned it, oh no, this is dangerous-"

"Now I'm even more intrigued," she leaned forward, head slightly tilted down as she looked up at him. "Shixiong wouldn't leave me curious, would he?"

She didn't think it was possible for him to become more red, but at this point he was about to let smoke leak through his ears. He coughed, recomposing himself only to lose it all over again after glancing at her neckline, mumbling a word she couldn't understand.

"I- I could show you?" his voice went up at the end as if he himself was doubting his abilities. But with a deep breath he took the wine bottle and drank a good half of it, setting the porcelain on the table with a sharp nod. "I will show you. But you have to promise not to be angry."

She laughed out of pure surprise, agreeing not to hit or harm him in any way. And the more Shang-Shixiong explained what he was going to do, the more she started questioning herself on why she had never seen him in one of Wei-Shixiong wild parties, or how the quiet peak lord had knowledge of such games.

And that's how she ended up with a cup of wine nested between her robes and her chest, and Shang-Shixiong standing right in front of her, brown eyes blown wide as he held her by her waist. They both moved slowly as if the air had turned into molasses, unsure of where the lines were drawn, Shang Qinghua's heated breath sending shivers down her spine.

It was mesmerizing to watch as Shang Qinghua bit the porcelain and threw his head back, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. Clear liquid trickled down his chin, making everything messy, and probably it was not as graceful as he wanted it to be, both already drunk as they were. But then he went and licked the cup clean and-

He raised his eyes at her, and it was impossible for her not to hold his face, sinking her hands into his hair. She guided him into a biting kiss, both of them moaning, as his hands slid up and down her body, touching her everywhere as she did her best to get rid of his collared shirt, pulling him even closer by the back of his neck.

If the room had felt hot before, now it was boiling, her red robes hitting the floor right after his leather bracers, her dark lip tint smeared over his mouth and cheek.

Everything tasted salty and sweet, the haze of the wine making her entire skin tingle as he pushed her slowly until he was lying on the wooden floor. She felt as if she were floating under the brushes of his fingertips as he left her chest completely exposed to his gaze, tracing a swirling pattern all the way to her belly.

"There's another way to do a body shot," he said, and the way his voice went deeper with lust, oh Heavens, she might never recover. All of Mu-Shixiong's wildest stories weren’t able to prepare her for the vision that was Shang Qinghua completely disheveled, hair dripping down his shoulders, strong muscles peeking from his half opened shirt. "Shimei would like to learn it?"

She kept nodding while he took the bottle from the table, gasping when he pulled the cork with his teeth. "This might tickle," was the only warning he gave her before pouring wine in her bellybutton. She whined, nails scratching his arms with thin lines of red as he breathed over the cold liquid before sucking. And he drank it all up to the last drop, his tongue dancing on her skin, setting it her on fire, turning her whine into full moans as his mouth went lower and lower and-

"S-Shixiong!" She cried while grasping his hair tight, her back bending until it wasn't touching the floor for a second.

The slurping sound was obscene, it was divine, it was driving her into madness. She couldn't stop making noise, pulling her legs up until her knees were touching his head, begging for more, begging for mercy, begging and begging-

"I must say..." He wiped his chin with the back of his hand, pressing a soft kiss on the side of her knee. "This was much better than any body shot."

She kissed the smugness off his face, doing her best to reverse their positions, biting as she noticed Shang Qinghua was letting her move him around, allowing her to sit on his lap.

He was about to find out two could play that game.

"My turn," she said as she grabbed the bottle, pouring it all over his chest.

----------

She took her time getting dressed, feeling relaxed like she hadn’t in a good while, body sore all in the right places. Her guest had already left for his own peak, but not before making sure she had a good breakfast and some water, hangover tincture ready by her bed. 

And as soon as she could, she set foot to Mu-Shixiong’s peak, asking the first discipline that passed by if the doctor was in his office, not surprised at all by the affirmative answer.

"Mu Qingfang," she didn't slam the door open because that would be beneath her, but her entrance was dramatic anyway, robes fluttering as she rushed to get closer to him, crossing his office in a few steps. 

"What?" he asked as he paused by his examination table, his magnifying glasses perched up on his nose. And it was a testimony of their long friendship that she didn’t even blink at the sight of him bent over what seemed to be a tentacled creature; a scare thin knife in one hand, a pair of tweezers in the other.

“You were right, I was wrong.”

“Well, that’s a first coming from you. What was I right about?”

She took him by his wrist after he set all his instruments aside, making him sit before going through his shelves to get the good wine. Yes, she was still hungover, but she was in the mood for a celebration.

That and the fact that she would collect a big bag later from her disciples was also very nice, but not the point.

“Shang-Shixiong came by yesterday.”

“Oh?” and that was what made him shift his entire focus towards her, fingers intertwined on the top of his desk. “And how was it? Did you guys play Mahjong?” and then he dared to wiggle his eyebrows at her, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Stop it, I just told you that you were right," she poured him the wine, waiting for him to sip first before tasting it as well. “And I have to admit, I didn't know fingers could move like that. And don't tell Qi-shijie but- his tongue?"

"I know," Mu Qingfang let out a dreamy sign.

"And how long can he hold his breath? I mean-”

"I know," he sighed again, a silly smile on his face. Before, when she was the one on the other side listening to him sing Shang-Shixiong's praises, she would roll her eyes fondly, saying that he was a man in love.

Now? She understood. She completely understood..

The entire time Shang-Shixiong had been the most polite, making sure she was comfortable, taking what he wanted but not taking it for granted. He asked permission in the sweetest ways, teasing her when she failed to use words. And at the end of it all, he had taken time to massage her sore thighs, kissing her feet, treating her like an empress.

It made her heart race but she wasn't a romantic woman. She liked to have fun but relationships? Hah! In a world controlled by men, to become someone's wife would be the same as giving away her power and titles.

Mu Qingfang, on the other hand...

"Are you... Are you alright with all of this? I know how deeply you feel about Shang-Shixiong." She took his hand between hers in a similar gesture all those days ago, searching in his eyes any sign of pain. "Just say the word, and I go after him to give a strong talk."

He laughed, a genuine belly laugh that made her relax her shoulders, the band around her heart releasing a bit.

"This one thanks his Shimei, but she doesn't need to worry. My relationship with Shang-Shixiong is not like that. We love each other, but I know he wasn't meant to have only one lover."

"That's a way to say it," she tsked as she patted his hand again, letting it go to pick on the sleeves of her robes, still a bit out of it from the previous night. "The man is turning the Sect into his personal harem… And I don't think he knows it."

"He has all of us wrapped around his fingers, doesn't he?" And then it was his turn to take her hand, checking her pulse and Qi levels out of habit. "Now, what else did you do last night?"

"Shixiong!"

"What? Is nothing I haven’t seen before, at least from his part. And I’ve told you worse and you know it."

She groaned, caught by his sound argument. She hid her face between her hands, feeling her ears burning up, face almost scarlet as her robes.

“Well?”

She peeked at him between her fingers, pouting. But when he just crossed his arms she knew she would have no escape. "Fine. But first-" she took his cup of wine, drinking it up in a gulp, the burning on her throat matching the burning of her face.

She started talking.

--------

The plan for this was:

They played mahjong cards

They got drunk

Sqh: uhh body shots is uhh a game but is not appropriate to play with decent company Zqy: good think I'm far from decent then ;)

BODY SHOTS

Uhhhhh, as spicy as we can get

And my brain couldn't think of any creative name for their UNO version so I went with the number one in Mandarin aaaaaa

Holy shit y'all I can't believe we are 7/12 already?!?!! sdhfuishdf Send help aaaaaaaaa

aaand next on the line is Beast Peak Lady, Wu Qingfang!

here is the masterpost of all the other achievements

thank you again for this ask and for giving it a read!!! :D

Beast Peak here we gooooo~

[aliesbienish]

A study of wolves: part six

chapter one ✩ chapter two ✩ chapter three ✩ chapter four ✩ chapter five

“I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen Lauren. I’m not interested in you like that,”

“Are you kidding?” She hissed, “and you’re interested in her?” Pointing a sharped clawed finger in your direction.

You prepared yourself for a polite no, but when Paul opened his mouth you thought you had misheard him.

“Absolutely.”

“Absolutely?” You queried as Lauren gaudy heels clicked away. “You didn’t have to say that, I’d have understood if you wanted to see her. We’re done with dinner anyway,”

“Trust me I didn’t say it because we’re busy, my answer would have been a no regardless.”

“And the other part?” Paul cocked in his head in confusion. “Telling her you’re interested in me? Was that just to get her off your case?”

It was amazing how insecure you were feeling, but you couldn’t help compare yourself to the blonde who just departed. The girl, while maybe a tad over the top, was clearly your typical small town beauty queen. Her platinum blonde hair, shiny clothes and pointed nails were of a stark contrast to your mud covered khaki and plaited hair littered with twigs. It felt like you were back in high school and that thought made you nauseas.

Normally you were more sure in yourself, but despite knowing Paul only a few days he seemed to destroy your sensibilities. For some reason your heart, despite your brains best logic, seemed to think that Paul could change the course of your future. You weren’t sure you were ready for the answer.

“Sorry, sorry. You absolutely don’t have to answer that. We can revert right back to before Lauren came over and pretend none of this happened if you like! I totally understand I’m probably not the type of girl you are usually in to, so don’t worry no need to let me down gently,”

“[Y/n],” he stated ending your panicked rambling. Grabbing onto your hand, he used his other to turn your blushing face so you were making eye contact. “Why wouldn’t you be the girl I’m typically interested in?”

“I know you don’t know me very well but this is it. I don’t have a girly, giggly side. I’m not the typical girl guys go for, especially guys like you.”

“Like me?”

“Well yeah. Attractive, smart, funny guys like you. I’m not their go to type,”

“You are assuming a lot about me, while simultaneously undermining how amazing you are. You aren’t doing either of us any favours.”

“What assumptions am I making?”

“My type in woman. Why did you think I was lying? I said nothing but the truth to Lauren.”

“But that means you’re…”

“Absolutely interested in you.”

“Oh. Can I ask why?”

“You can, but just know that it hurts me that you think it’s a valid question. I am interested in you because you are amazingly witty, so much so prior to the last five minutes I haven’t wiped the smile from my face. I’m interested because you are so insanely intelligent and passionate about what you do. I’m interested because you are openly kind and caring, and I can see how interested you are while still carefully respecting my boundaries. And I’m interested because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve seen, mud and all,”

“Right, is that all?” You gulped trying to make a joke, but instead your voice came out shaky and high pitched.

“Not even close. So now that I’ve made it abundantly clear how I feel, just tell me if I screwed up by clueing you in.” It was Paul’s turn to look anxious as he tried to pull back his hand still locked in yours.

You grabbed onto it, linking your fingers together. “No, you didn’t screw up. Quite the opposite really. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since we meet. But don’t you think this is crazy, we have known each other for a few days? I’m not sure we should be feeling like this,”

“Just because it seems fast doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“I can’t imagine this ever feeling wrong,” You declared, biting your lips in anticipation.

“Me either, so who cares if some arbitrary rules say this is too fast. At risk of sounding like a cliche - if you know you know - and it sounds like we both know,”

“So does that mean we’re all in?”

“Absolutely,” Paul muttered as he placed his hand on the back of your head, gently pulling you towards him while giving you ample time to stop. Instead you leaned in pressing your lips gently to his. You could swear you felt sparks, and somehow kissing over discarded plates of chips in the corner of a small dinner was the best moment of your life.

“Well let’s hope we follow our subject matter.” You muttered as you reluctantly pulled away, “did you know wolves mate for life?”

Paul chuckled, you have no idea he thought.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"That's hilarious," Jared chuckled moments after Paul shifted for parole and his day came spilling out through their connection. "You couldn't even make it a day without falling head over heels in love with her"

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Hi all, sorry for the delay - but I hope this absolute sap will get me back in your good graces! I am finally finished with uni so actually have some time on my hands now.

Ali x

[leggerefiore]

I fear now we need all of the men navigating NNN. My beloved man Cyrus would see no problem with the challenge and would probably call it dumb

Cyrus is victorious by default. His low libido makes it no challenge, after all. Though, he absolutely is not actively participating. He finds the concept dumb and sees no reason to indulge it. He just wins because he does not ever really seek sex unless it's to appease his partner or to cope with horribly strong emotions. Basically, as long as you don't demand sex nor does anything make emotions run high, he's winning without trying.

Grimsley is dying but trying his absolute damnedest. The gambler has the highest libido of the group and is the resident manwhore (before settling down with his partner… who now has to deal with his sexual appetite). Despite this, however, he loves a challenge. If you offer a bet to him about making it through November like this, he will agree. The price you pay will likely be something insane. He is surprisingly resolute about it all. He has trained himself to hide his emotions, after all. Teasing him seems ineffective. Though, he can and may break. In truth, it is a battle of his love of gambling versus sex.

Colress agrees. Why? Well, for one, he believes he can do just fine without sex. But, also, because this is valuable data! How will your bond with one another change due to the lack of sex? How will you react? How will he feel? He has read plenty of studies on the supposed benefits, but he is eager to see if they truly are to occur. Basically, November becomes a personal study for him. Be ready to he observed (as usual).

Nanu grumbles and says no. He is not having his schedule and sexual proclivity dictated by some internet meme. He is too damn old for that. If you want to go in on it, be his guest. He has handled his own needs before, and he can handle them now. Will not participate and cannot be convinced.

Lear is bewildered, but it is a challenge. He scoffs and says that seems easy enough. A month without sex or masturbation? Nothing in comparison to his training to be king. Behold his kingly restraint! (He breaks down halfway in and demands that you stop, too. He is about to snap.)

N doesn't know what you're talking about. He just blinks. Going without nuts for a month? He supposes that some people with nut allergies deal with this for a lifetime, so a month should not be impossible. Do not try to explain further. It is not worth it. He can win by default, too, since he's not inclined towards sex. He mostly meets his partner's needs in that department.

Volo squints his eyes at you. Why are you proposing this to him? He feels as if you are messing with him. Even if you try to explain, there is little to do to convince him. Wager the Azure Flute or something, and he might agree. His willpower is quite terrifying solely towards Arceus. Otherwise, he is not giving up sex for some frivolous challenge. Even pulling the Arceus's Chosen card fails.

Maxie ponders what the hell you are talking about and agrees because you make some comment about Archie being able to do it. Of course, he can go a month without that! He is a man of science and restraint. He suffers endlessly, and his temper is flaring. Magma grunts will beg you to call off whatever you did to their boss. He gives up nearly at the end.

Archie is going to refuse since he doesn't really see how that could be fun or anything beneficial to him. It is only when you mention Maxie apparently being able to do it that he agrees. He surprisingly makes it through the entire month. His mood is barely effected. Maxie is mortified when he hears the news.

Giovanni thinks you're insane, laughs at you, and says no. Then, when you mention it being a display of his strength, he reconsiders. Suddenly, he devotes his entire focus to such a thing and proving you wrong. He will make it through by becoming extremely pissy and by the skin of his teeth. His prize is locking you away for a day and making up for the lost month.

Lysandre supposes he has heard of something like that before. Yet, strangely, nothing can convince him to participate. It simply cannot be done. He says it is a waste of time and energy. (In truth, he simply cannot deny himself pleasure and uses sex as a way to express his love.)

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

Docm77 as well as MANY other have fallen face first into this media-related ragebait and I'm here to explain why you shouldn't be mad at Doc/be upset but not "wish ill things on your child" upset, which yes. I did see. Shame on you person. Shame.

Ahem.

So upon waking up in the UK/Europe, we didn't necessarily have the build up to the presidential election due to timezone conflictions, so for many people (myself include) 6am to 9am we woke up to Trumps victory speech on the trending tab. I'm not joking, that's how people going out and how I found out

There have been a mixed bag of reaction but Doc is getting hate for saying, and I quote "Lol... Really USA? This is what I wake up to?"

Alot of people say this was insensitive, and excuse my language and I don't mean to upset, it's because they're Americans and (again apologies) Americans have been socialised into to being quite emotional about politics and read into everything that happens regarding it. Which is something that the rest of the world kinda looks down on America for, because it makes you look like 'cultist' (this isn't my viewpoint however we do discuss this alot in certain class and this is how other people see you)

Doc's reaction is not trying being insensitive, because to literally anyone else it's a reaction of speechlessness and confusion. Which the majority of people saw it as.

Because we all woke up to that.

Doc isn't trying to be insensitive, but I do understand why people think he's being insensitive, his confusion and speechlessness is being written off as dismissive.

People are saying the word 'lol' is worth cursing at his family over

1. That's not tolerated here. Don't be sending threats or harassing him.

2. Lol, has cultural differences in meaning.

In the US countries, it means 'haha funny!' or it can be a dismissive reply (in text format)

But in other countries, lol, is also used as a 'your joking right?' or 'pretty funny joke'. An example being 'lol what?' (funny joke, but what does it mean)

Many people think the lol is dismissive but it's not. He, along with many other actually didn't believe Trump had won yet and learnt about it in the worst way possible

Secondily he made a comment about dealing with "another 4 years of insanity" which people also thought was rude.

But sadly, it's actually true to alot of people outside the US. We only see the "funny" or mildly annoying bits of your media (because of filters and blockers) and sadly, I'll admit we don't know the full picture other than the Americans insanity over politics

It's literally what your known for in the UK.

So the '4 years of insanity' is definitely an exaggeration but is definitely true in some way. We get the bud of all the "Americans drama" and it's mostly the insane stuff, heck that's how flordia man and ohio became memes. So it's not unrealistic for us to see the next year's as insanity because it is. Just very dramatised

Also quick point, people are saying that because of this he doesn't support the LGBTQIA+ and to that I say; Rendog + his entire fanbase respectfully

Now the big boy issue. Doc said he won't talk about politics and Palestine yet talked about politics now? Why?

Why didn't Doc talk about Palestine?

And for similar reasons as to why alot of other people didn't talk about it, including myself. Not out of fear or something. It's because of the scams.

Being "late" to new media is frustrating especially when it comes to supporting people, and genuinely by the time I heard about Palestine I saw the scams first.

Doc HAS a younger audience demographic, who are more likely to get scammed because they do look very realistic and they even have fake followers and everything.

Why not get one from a reliable source? Well what is a reliable source? Because if something goes wrong people will blame you because you endorsed them.

Why not go to charities? Sadly their are now currently many scummy charities that do take alot of the donation percentage. (including some gofundme pages)

So to address this, Doc just didn't address it. And YES he admittedly should have explained why, instead of leaving it up to people to infer because as we can see, some people took it the wrong way. And I can see how they took it the wrong way, he didn't communicate it very well.

But to me and many others, the intentions were clear and that's why their were no comments made. However I do believe he shouldn't have used the excuse about not wanting to talk about politics, because that does have consequences long-term. And that why I'm here today

And this brings me to my final point.

People are forcing opinions out of other people and when their opinions don't aline they get mad about it. So to avoid this people either refuse to comment or have their own methods of tackling it or simply blurt it out because of pressure.

A modern example of this would be Kim. K and her son (ik shocking). Her son talked about supporting Trump and she got mad about it, told him to take down the videos and allegedly made him sign a contract saying to never make a video about politics.

Kim. K is actively avoiding being pressured into speaking by not responding and keeping it in.

However, another example of this would be Vivziepop. Due to recent events regarding her shows being leaked and the recent elections that damaged the integrity of women's rights and healthcare, she broke down on twitter.

Letting some of her frustrations spill out. This was encouraged by people personal targeting her, and basically harassing her to the point of breaking down.

These same types of people are trying to do the same to people like Aismey, Doc and even Jimmy Solidaritygaming because of thier social media presence, and when they have a reaction but then change their opinion it's suddenly a "well you didn't say that before!"

So to be clear, the circumstances of Docm77 is brought upon by miscommunication and ragebaiting. Dont go and threaten his family, voice your concerns respectfully in this troubling time (even if you're frustrated, you should project that onto someone else)

IF YOU SEE ANYONE RAGEBAITING REPORT IT

And have a good night ya'll

[megabuild]

hey megabuild can you elaborate on the complicated feelings re: bdubs apologizing to tango thing because I too have feelings about it that are complicated and i either need you to confirm I'm insane, confirm I'm not insane or make my insanity feel more enabled

(cracks my knuckles loudly and uncomfortably) the number one c!bdubs defender has logged on for another take hated by all

i think the most key thing to take away from this interaction is not that bdubs is being manipulative and dishonest but that it very clearly lays out the main issues with tuff guys' ability to function, that is, they all have different goals and ideals of what an alliance should function as, but also they have far too much baggage and history that they are all either unable to or unwilling to move on from.

looking at this conversation and taking it at face value- that is, bdubs went in with the intent to manipulate and lie, and then immediately caved when called out- is extremely uncharitable at best when similar behaviours from other players (such as scar) is often handwaved away as them playing the game correctly or exhibiting trauma responses. why these players are afforded such leniency while bdubs never is.. well, that's simply a mystery because i can't think of anything that immediately and obviously might set bdubs aside from the majority of his peers (hint: there is.). this coupled with the fact that bdubs has spent the first two sessions making genuine, if extremely flawed attempts at communication and problem-solving (see: horse discourse, which DID actually work though only after etho defused and approached it on his own terms, and the formation of tuff guys, which is an extremely flawed plot but also tackles the main issues at the core of the alliance- etho's commitment issues, tango's fear of betrayal, and bdubs' reputation) and i find it extremely difficult to believe that this conversation is entirely made up to gain some sort of leverage, because by saying that one must imply that retroactively both of those prior conversations were also probably in part manipulation- at which point we're painting bdubs as a multi-session plotting mastermind and that's just not who he is.

reading over the transcript there's a few key points that i think are really important-

bdubs comments that he's truly apologising, because he apologises in last life (poorly, but still) right after the matter, saying "he's sorry, but he had to". not in any way justifying his treatment of tango in last life, because moments before he also calls him fodder, but this gives us some insight into what bdubs is thinking- that is, it is likely he DOES feel genuinely bad about tango, or at least is able to acknowledge that they need to resolve their prior conflicts if they have any hope of succeeding. otherwise, there is little point in bringing such conflict to the forefront of tango's mind; that's manipulating him in the wrong direction by reminding him of his past traumas and giving him more ammo against bdubs. strategically i cannot understand why he would do this (outside of from a creator standpoint having more drama to mess with, because cc!bdubs is known for this, but if i get into the very murky territory between cc and c here it'll stretch everything out a million miles longer).

bdubs also barely gets a chance to defend himself after his initial apology is not accepted- tango is the one who builds up a "self reflection hole", both immediately dismiss it as manipulation (they are the first ones to suggest this, not bdubs!), and they pick on small tells such as him not having his head down and smiling as proof that he isn't genuine. indeed, when bdubs goes into the hole he asks them to come up with a plan since he won't be leading them, and tango openly laughs at them, signalling to Me that there was never any chance of genuine communication; tango has already made his mind up from the get-go that this is bdubs fucking with him and is unwilling to take it any further. (the phrase "i'm not going to perform my rock bottom for you for the sake of being believed" comes to mind.) it's only after this sentiment is echoed (more unsurely) by etho that bdubs gives up. at no point does bdubs add anything of his own to the conversation past this, he only agrees with what tango and etho are saying about him. with his attempt at communication having failed he defers to "yes and"-ing all the negative things they are saying about him. when bdubs has just spent most of secret life imo proving that he doesn't need to be dependent on others after being dismissed as such for multiple seasons, i think that immediate rejection of his independence and ability to stand up for himself must sting, a lot.

I know they're his teammates but jesus christ he could not have picked worse people to do this with. every character can be assumed to be extremely traumatised as is the nature of the game but etho and tango both have severe issues with communication and trust, both of which stem in part from bdubs' actions in last life (which again, i will defend him to the grave but that was fucking insane of him.) tango on the whole, however, is a character to me defined by his bitterness, especially in WL where he's acting out and being openly cruel to others (which given his previous experiences is honestly understandable). his immediate dismissal of bdubs is exactly what i would have expected of him given everything right now. meanwhile, etho is more cautious and unsure, only committing once he has tango's backing, because despite his issues with bdubs he has more reason to believe him (see: horse discourse once again) and also he's just extremely insecure. go girl.

little to say on this point but the bravado he exhibits after being dismissed also to me reads in line with other bdubs moments where he's putting on a show- he isn't gloating about pulling the wool over their eyes or laughing about how quickly he was found out, he's just.. bigging himself up for the sake of it? i don't know exactly how to word this point but i hope you understand.

tl:dr; i don't think bdubs is intentionally trying to manipulate people here, though i also don't think his timing and choice of apology was especially well-thought out; he's making a lot of attempts at genuine communication this season, for better or for worse, but it's coming from a place of recognising the necessity for it if he wants to get anywhere rather than a sign of genuine emotional growth. and while i wish they could have heard him out i do not fault etho or tango even for a second for assuming it was a ploy.

[dwntwn-strnlo]

friendly fire. [m.st.]

── ⟡˙ ̟ matthew sturniolo x !reader

↳ synopsis. — drunk confessions!

↳ a/n. — thank you to the talented @sarosfilms for letting me use this idea! ella is so freaking creative and you should definitely check out her work :))

↳ requested? — no

↳ cw. — use of alcohol, verbal argument

you tilted your head back, beer spilling out of the red solo cup and past your lips. every reasonable nerve in your body was telling you that it's okay, no big deal. it was fine.

but yet, as your knuckles gripped the trashy plastic, you couldn't tell what emotion you were feeling. whether it was sadness, or anger—no. infuriation. you honestly couldn't tell.

eyes locked on your boy best friend, you want to absolutely lose your shit.

leaning against the wall, matt talks to a pretty girl. the way she's watching him speak, gaze glued to his lips and the way you fell in love with his smile? it made you want to burst into tears.

downing the rest of you stale alcohol, you turn around and toss your cup in the trashcan by the dishwasher. closing your eyes for a mere few seconds, you breathe. in through your nose, out through your mouth. trying to compose yourself and cope with the idea that it's just matt. friendly, easy to talk to matt. and he's not going to do anything that would remotely hurt you.

but why, oh why— did you feel like you were going insane?

when you realized that you were falling way past the silly schoolgirl crush for him, the idea of commitment bit you in the ass. though eventually, you wrapped your head around it and now you're head over fucking heels for the goofy influencer who's face haunts your insta feed.

by the time you open your eyes again, your heart is pounding. you weren't one to be so jealous and angry,—if that's even what your feeling right now—especially over a stupid little conversation with a stupid little tiktoker with stupidly big tits. so you have no clue what's gotten into you. besides maybe the 7 cups of beer you've downed in the last hour...

you pull out your phone, needing to get away before you actually lost your head.

you send a quick text to matt in the awkward case you were to get roofied or jumped or whatever frat/influencer thing the guys decide to do, that he'd at least know where you were. no matter how upset you were.

he's quick to react to your text, but you chose not to elaborate before shoving your phone back into your pocket and step outside.

immediately you feel a rush of relief wash over you when the pounding music is no longer rattling your brain, and now just bleeding through the front door.

quickly you wrap your arms around your torso, the night time air hitting you like a brick. closing your eyes again, you breathe in and out. in and out. in and out. trying to steady your keonigsegg of a heartbeat.

now that you're alone and away from the half naked dancing, sweating young adults, you can finally focus. and you soon realize how absolutely full of rage you are.

you want to scream and cry and-

"y/n?" you turn around to your name being called as the glass door slides against the rusty metal. "what are you doing out here?"

matt quirks a brow as he speaks, staring at you with confusion and concern stapled across his face.

"i uh-" you cover your mouth with your palm. trying to figure out what to say. you wanted to blow up at him, but you couldn't do that. he's just matt. just your friend. just your friend that your madly in love with. who cares? "no reason?"

the boy scoffs, knitting his brows as he looks at you in disbelief, "really?"

your eyes rake over his body as you search for something to say. noting how he's in just a simple black tee and baggy designer jeans. "who was the girl?" i snort, "she was really pretty!"

matt's eyes widen, still seemingly shocked by what your going on about. "huh? what girl?" he stuffs his hands in his pockets, shifting on his heels and the balls of his feet. "i wasn't talking to anyone."

you scoff, "i'm not stupid." crossing my arms over my chest. "i saw you talking to her, matt. blonde, big tits, you remember?"

he laughs, but there's not much humor in it. "you can't say shit like that."

"oh so you do remember, hm?" you bite, narrowing your eyes at him.

he puts his hands up defensively, waving them in the air between the two of you. "that was nothing. she was no one."

"you weren't nobody to her." you snort. "did you not see the way she was all goo goo ga ga over you? she was bout ready to flash her colorful feathers and do a mating dance."

"why do you care?" matt mirrors your body language, crossing his arms over his chest too.

your heart skips a beat or two... hundred. your face freezes at his words, and suddenly you're a deer in headlights. "because... i'm your friend matt."

"friend!?" he fires out, barely letting your words roll of your tongue. he looks exasperated, his blue eyes dark and wide.

his swords send you into a string of confusion. raising a brow at him, you snicker. "why are you so shocked?"

"because i love you, y/n."

what?

"yeah i love you too?" you mumble, uncrossing your arms.

matt scoffs. he scoffs. and it makes you even more exasperated then you were before. "are you fucking stupid?" the words make you rebuild the wall in your body, crossing your arms again and standing up a little taller. "i love you." he mutters again. this time unable to hold eye contact with you.

undeniably your breath hitches. this time as he says it, the words hit you a little harder. pressing into you like a body blow, threatening to knock you off your feet. "i don't understand.." you mumble, voice barely above a whisper as you swallow the lump in your throat.

"you are not my fucking friend, y/n. you are the person i aspire to be the most." he reaches out a hand to touch you, but drops it almost instantly. as if his body wasn't with his mind. "i want you so bad. i want to take you out and hold your hand and-" his breath hitches, eyes boring into yours.

as his words slip off his tongue everything seems to hit you like a train. "and what?" your voice cracks. as he finally goes silent, you realize your biting at your nails. picking recklessly at the skin around them. dropping your hand, your fingers fidget, waiting and waiting and waiting.

"i wanna be your boyfriend."

TAGLIST

@thetriplets3 @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @20nugs @gracietaylorsversions @fenoy7 @mlimmm @prettysturniolo @ssturniolo @gabbylovesreading @oh-toseewithoutmy-eyes @matthewmurdockswife @jellybeanbby @slaysturniolo @iheartshifting @mxqdii @luvsturniolo @lvrsparadise @partoftoofuckinmanyfandoms @sstvrniololuvr

[twst-aceofhearts]

Frustration

a/n: gift for @waterthatsmoe :P [mafia au]

tw: weapons (just a dagger), mentions of guns

pairing: epel x gn!yuu

words: 1964

taglist: @luxaryllis @thegoldencontracts @waterthatsmoe

Epel’s breathing is short and raspy, as he keeps avoiding Yuu’s attacks. Finding the perfect opportunity, he tries to slash them from behind. It would’ve been perfect—

—if he hadn’t tripped over his own foot…

Due to Vil’s orders, Yuu had been assigned to train Epel. He was already good at using long-distance weapons, but melee weapons were another story…

“Leave me alone…” Epel groans when Yuu tried to help him up, choosing to stay face-down on the ground in despair. 

“...Hah…Epel, we have to continue, you know,” Yuu sighed, nudging him in the side with their shoe.

“Why…? Why? Why? I keep failing anyway…” He groaned miserably before rolling around to lay on his back, gazing at the ceiling. “I can’t get it right, no matter how many times we try!”

“Okay, uh…” Yuu rubbed the back of their neck, unsure of how to comfort him. “Let’s…take a five minute break, hm?”

Seeing that Yuu was going to let him rest for a little bit, Epel lets out a relieved sigh, sitting up with a groan. He glanced down at himself, realizing now that his legs and arms are covered with small scratches left by the training dagger.

“Five minutes?”

“Mhm. Go get yourself a drink from the vending machine. You’ve earned it,” Yuu handed him a dollar.

Epel stares at the bill for a second, taking it from them hesitantly. He stood up and walked towards the vending machine, the tip of his ears and cheeks pink from embarrassment and frustration. 

Returning with a bottle of water, Epel sits down and takes a few gulps. Even his breathing was uneven, showing just how much of his energy was already used up. 

“...This is hopeless…” He mumbles, resting his head against his knee, followed by a sigh that escapes through his lips.

“Don’t say that. You’re already great with long-distance which is actually harder. You just need more practice,” Yuu hummed, shaking the fatigue out of their wrist and hands, then popping their knuckles. “After break we’ll start again with a dummy. I need to see what you’re doing wrong.”

Epel nods in response, taking another sip from his bottle and glancing at Yuu, watching them shake their wrists and hands.

“Maybe…” Was his simple response. He’s pretty sure where he’s going wrong…and that’s just about everywhere else.

After a few minutes of silence, Epel looks over at Yuu. “Are we going to start again?” He asked, and once again they nod in confirmation whilst dragging the dummy out of the closet, causing him to sigh and stand up. He’s definitely not looking forward to falling all over again… but it’ll be worse if Vil finds out he’s been slacking.

Yuu grumbled to themself about the stupid amount of wires and cables on the dummy, somehow managing to set it up. Correctly, hopefully..

“Have at it,” Yuu stepped back, leaning against the wall as they watched Epel face the dummy on.

Seeing Yuu move back, Epel takes a deep breath and approaches the robot. He’s determined to get this right…and he’s definitely going to prove to them and himself that he’s not just good for a bow and arrow.

Raising his dagger, he slashes at the practice dummy, but as expected, it doesn’t go very well. The dagger barely even scratches the dummy’s exterior plating.

Epel sighs, lowering his dagger again. “...This is impossible.”

“...do it again,” Yuu pursed their lips, their eyes roaming over his figure—looking for any bad habits.

Epel looks over at Yuu as if they were insane, but goes along with it.

Grinding his teeth, he raises his dagger again. He’s not trying anything fancy this time, attempting basic attacks. No luck—most of them miss, and the ones that don’t aren’t even strong enough to scratch the exterior of the dummy.

Frustrated, Epel throws his dagger to the ground and clenches his fists. He really did want to get better, but apparently his body was cooperating.

“I’ll let Vil or Rook work with you on stamina and strength.. But, have you tried using your entire torso instead of just your arms?” Yuu pushed themself off the wall, going over to pick up his dagger.

Epel stares at Yuu like they had just told him the sky was green. ‘Using your torso?’ He wanted to snap at them and call Yuu weird..but he’s getting desperate. 

Crossing his arms, he glances away, his expression pouting a little. “...No, I haven’t. Should I…? I thought you were only supposed to involve your arms and wrists.” 

“Maybe, but your movements are awkward and unnatural,” Yuu gently grabbed his hands, guiding him through the motions.

When Yuu suddenly grabbed his hands, Epel immediately started to get flustered. His ears turned light red, and his stomach felt like it was twisting in knots. This kind of gentle and reassuring contact—he isn’t very used to it.

“Got it?” Yuu looked up at his face after explaining. It’s obvious that Epel was way too distracted by Yuu holding his hands to pay attention, so much so he could feel his expression burning up at an alarming rate. He’s way too flustered to focus on what they’re trying to teach him at this point.

“Huh?” He manages to squeak out, his voice higher than usual.

“Like this,” Yuu demonstrated once more. 

Epel let out a frustrated sound once they repeated themself. Now’s no time to get flustered! He takes a few deep breaths and tries to ignore the warmth flooding to his cheeks. 

Following Yuu’s instructions, he attempts to use his torso more…but it’s still awkward. The movement feels unnatural, and he almost ends up tripping on nothing.

“Careful—” Yuu warned, catching him before he face-planted into the hard floor. “This is gonna be a while…” They let out a sigh, followed by Epel’s.

He’s so incredibly frustrated with himself, and he’s ready to just quit entirely. He wishes he was just naturally talented at using melee weapons like Kalim and Ace. 

“You’re right…” He mumbles, looking away from Yuu and trying to fight down the oncoming wave of emotions. He doesn’t need to add bursting into tears like a child to the list of things going wrong today.

“Epel? You okay? Talk to me,” Yuu’s eyebrows furrowed in concern, standing him upright and rubbing little circles on the small of his back. 

At first Epel doesn’t answer. With a clenched jaw, he looks down at the ground for a few seconds, trying to maintain his composure. However, he ends up breaking down, and he leans into Yuu, burying his face into their shoulder.

“I can’t even use a dagger correctly..this is pointless…” He mutters, not bothering to hide the shakiness of his voice.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry, hm? We’ll figure this out. Together,” Yuu reassured, pulling away a bit to wipe his tears. 

Epel blinks back tears, taking a few deep breaths. He feels like an idiot for crying, especially over something so petty. A few seconds pass of him just focusing on calming himself down, before he hesitantly speaks again. 

“I’m sorry,” His voice is quiet now, lacking the usual enthusiasm. He’s exhausted, and he looks like he’s about to fall over at any second. 

Yuu pats his back, pulling him closer again. “You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t be sorry.”

Epel’s shoulders tense a little as Yuu gently pat his back, but he appreciates the gesture. He’s not used to getting physical affection—it’s nice. 

“I think I need a break…” He sighs, sounding just as emotionally drained as he looks. He’s glad Yuu was here to comfort him, leaning more into them.

Yuu nods, sitting down on the floor, scoot back to lean against the wall, before they gently pulled him down with them. 

“You can lay your head on my lap,” they murmur, stretching out their legs forward.

Epel follows their lead, flopping onto the floor and his head making its way onto their thighs, letting out another long sigh. He was completely worn out, both physically and mentally.

“How do you manage to do everything so easily?” He looks up at Yuu, seeming genuinely curious and a little confused. He doesn’t understand how they manage to be so talented at everything. It makes him feel rather pathetic.

“I have no idea, to be honest,” Yuu murmured, leaning their head back against the wall.

“You have to have some clue…I mean—you managed to easily adapt to using a brand new weapon,” He pauses for a moment, closing his eyes before speaking again. “I’ve been using guns for ages, but I still struggle with a dagger, which is smaller and easier to use. It doesn’t make any sense…”

“Hm…” Yuu hummed. “You should try putting those long-distance skills to use. Instead of slashing, I think you should try stabbing instead…it might be better for you.”

“Stabbing…?” Epel opens his eyes and looks up at Yuu. 

“I guess that makes sense. I mean… it’s a lot different than a gun…”

He pauses for a moment to think. It would definitely make sense, and it would probably suit him too. 

“...But, wouldn’t that just make me look like an assassin or something?”

“...I mean, we’re still killing people either way…”

“Yeah, but a stab wound just feels different, y’know?” Epel pauses, trying to put it into words.

“...Like—guns feel more fair. You kill from a distance, and there’s a chance your opponent can defend themselves. But if you’re up close with a knife, they stand almost no chance,” He shudders a little just thinking about it. “...I’d rather be a few feet away at least.”

“Epel, there’s no such thing as ‘fair’ when it comes to being in the mafia. I mean, you read the NDA before signing into this agency, didn’t you?

Epel goes silent. He did read it. Plenty of times, trying to familiarize himself with everything in it—but it’s an entire legal document, he’s not an attorney… Of course, even he knows that Yuu is right. There’s no such thing as fair in an illegal organization.

“...I guess…” He mumbles, sounding a little hesitant.

Yuu sighed, gently running their fingers through Epel’s lilac hair. “I know this goes against your morals, but you chose this life. We can’t afford to hesitate on an order.”

Epel doesn’t say anything in response to their statement. Yuu made a completely fair point. He did choose this life…and he’s well aware of what kind of life it is, even if he tries to deny it.

He falls silent again, just enjoying the feeling of Yuu playing with his hair, sighing occasionally.

After a few minutes of laying there, Yuu felt Epel shift the tiniest bit, adjusting himself to be more comfortable. He looks up at Yuu, his eyes not as tired-looking but still holding an unreadable expression.

“Yuu?” He suddenly speaks, his voice quiet. 

“Hm?’

“Thanks,” It’s obvious he’s not just referring to the whole helping him train with a dagger thing. More than that, Yuu comforted him when he cried.

“...it’s nothing, Epel. Really.”

Yuu felt Epel nod again, and then he closes is eyes again, seeming content. He actually feels safe here with Yuu—something he doesn’t feel with anybody else.

“Can we just lie here for a little?” He asks, his tone softer than usual.

“Of course. Just stand up and punch the dummy or something if you see Vil walk in,” Yuu let out a small chuckle.

Epel lets out a quiet laugh, a small smile briefly flickering across his face. 

“Got it,” he hums in response, keeping his eyes closed. The two of them remain there in comfortable silence, though he does scoot a little closer to Yuu. He feels at peace, and for once, he’s not worried about anything.

credits to @cafekitsune for divider

[sortasirius]

"Confessions" and the Beginning

Hello fellow clowns, genuinely fucking unbelievable episode amiright?

FIRST OF ALL, welcome back Bobby's hot priest, missed u bitch.

I really did miss just like regular calls last season, it's nice just to have a random silly one to start an episode.

GIRL I MISS CHRIS AS MUCH AS EDDIE DOES RELEASE HIM FROM HELENA DIAZ'S CLUTCHES!!!!

This man is going through the most insane confessions of his life. First Bobby saying he's a murderer and now Eddie saying that his son caught him with his dead mother like give this man a break lmao.

"I don't deserve forgiveness, I gotta go."

And this is the beginning of Eddie's thesis: what he deserves. More importantly, what he thinks he deserves.

Buck is literally like the most awkward man alive. He has zero game I love him sm.

Bitch. ABBY???? FUCKING ABBY?????? SHE IS BUCK'S SHANNON, CONSTANTLY HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE.

"I wonder how many men she turned gay" Maddie is Abby's number 1 hater (besides Eddie lmao)

"Unless there's another boy" JOSH PLEASE!!!!!

The Glee reference Tim Minear you will pay for your crimes lmao

It's interesting that he didn't even seem to consider taking the next step with Tommy until Josh brought it up. Also really interesting how he ends up framing their conversation later, like it's more of an "honoring Tommy" thing than a "I really want to move in with you" thing. Now this could just be awkward scripting or awkward (no game) Buck, but I think it's worth mentioning.

I just love Chim and Maddie so much they are my true north always.

Eddie's tank top? Yeah make that an everyday look for him good lord.

"I'm straight" YEAH SURE JAN WHATEVER YOU FUCKING SAY.

He's punishing himself by not choosing the juice because he doesn't think he deserves it, because he doesn't think he's allowed to take it... He is the obstacle in his own joy. What is that joy? What is he standing in his own way of?

"Because the LAFD doesn't allow beards."

"So it's a disguise?"

"Something like that."

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!! HELLO?????

"What are you afraid of seeing when you look in the mirror?"

"A failure. Someone that doesn't deserve forgiveness. Or joy."

I'm literally beating my fists on the ground. It's textbook. Fucking textbook. He's hiding from himself, hiding himself from himself, hiding from his joy.

Nothing like 911 to give you the most insane gutwrenching side plot of all time when I tell you I was SOBBING over those two brothers. (To be fair it's been an extremely hard week).

"I'm the himbo" HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Look let me just get this out of the way: I really loved bucktommy. I liked their dynamic and I liked what he was able to teach Buck about himself, but I think Tommy is ultimately right: he can see the writing on the wall, just in the same way he said "my attention?" in 7x04. He was Buck's first queer relationship, but he will not be his last. And I think Tommy has an idea who his last will be, even if he kept that part to himself.

I do think it was kind of an insane speedrun at the end there, I'm not sure why he couldn't just ask Buck to pump the brakes instead of fully breaking up with him.

It's also just a complete manifestation of Buck's greatest fear: abandonment. Abandoned by his parents, abandoned (through no fault of her own) by Maddie, abandoned by Abby, by Taylor, and now by Tommy. It sucks for him, and I hate it for him and for Tommy, who also doesn't seem to think he can have good things, and would rather beat Buck to the punch than actually take the risk and be vulnerable.

I think that this was a good learning experience for them both, and I think they'll both be better for it in the long run.

"I'll see you around, Buck" killed my ass.

MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And lastly, Eddie shaving off the mustache, his barrier from joy, and dancing around his house in his underwear. Finding the joy in being himself, finding the joy in his life again. And Buck knocking on the door, not asking any questions, and them sitting together on the couch, shoulder to shoulder each of their respective "barriers" gone.

They have some things to figure out, but we are so close that I can taste it, I can feel it.

I haven't felt this way since the last season of SPN, and while that didn't turn out the way I wanted (due to network and Robert Singer's meddling), I am confident that that is not where we're heading here. Tim Minear is back. The show is on the Shonda network. Buck is out and Eddie is on his way there. Gay Eddie. Buddie endgame. It's happening, and nothing will get me out of this clown car.

[jamespotterswandonthecouch]

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived is so much Peter Pettigrew coded that it makes me go insane istg

like what do you mean that "Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?" isn't about Voldy sending Peter to kill James on Halloween

or "In fifty years, will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it And I'll say, "Good riddance" is Remus and Sirius finding out the truth about him after so many years

"I would've died for your sins Instead, I just died inside" James would have died for him, instead HE HAD TO DIE BECAUSE OF HIM

"And you deserve prison, but you won't get time You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars" Peter putting the blame on Sirius, and escaping prison by pretending to be dead

"You kicked out the stage lights But you're still performing

And in plain sight you hid"

him being in his animagus form for so many years, pretending to be dead, going around as a rat, hiding in plain sight

and "But you are what you did And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive The smallest man who ever lived" Because in the end he won't be remembered as Peter Pettigrew, the young nice boy he was in his Hogwarts years, or as one of the Maradeurs, but he will be remembered as a traitor, as someone who caused his own best friend's death, who turned to the dark side because he was a coward and nobody will truly ever forgive him for it

[aihoshiino]

The babygirlification if Hikaru is crazy in this fandom... I can't believe that people seem to believe he did zero bad things when ch109 literally showed him standing over Yura and saying that she died so he could feel something...? Just because he's not the one who pushed her, doesn't mean he wasn't an accomplice! (I don't see how Nino would've known about the hiking trip without his help. Also don't see why he would be there monologuing unless he's also a hiking enthusiast who just happened to be there.) He could be both! He could be someone Ai loved but also be a person who became lost without her! Look at Aqua who literally went on a maniacal journey of revenge that saved literally no one & killed 2/3 people whom Ai loved. Because she's gone. The way I see Hikaru's character is that, he loved Ai and understood her as a person instead of the persona she presented. Yet her passing made that persona the only legacy she left behind (in his eyes). She was seen as "the idol closest to the Dome" even though she didn't care! That title wasn't given to any of the other Bkoma members, just her. And, he wasn't really allowed into their children's life because she said so. The only thing he's got left were the "lies" and despite knowing that killing people for her legacy is not what she would've wanted, she's not around to stop him anymore. I think he was a man driven to desperation and doing terrible things because his love was genuine yet no one taught him how to love properly. And her final "rejection" made him believe that being a terrible person was the only thing he could be. Which was why Ai's video became such a huge blow to him: he could've lived without her knowing that her as a person didn't let go of him, yet he went down this path thinking that the true her rejected him & the "lies" was the only thing he could take.

I don't think Ai's rejection broke Hikaru, per se. I think she made him believe that he was worthy of love and not broken (like he thought). And the way things unfold drove him into a spiral that was planted long ago. Humans don't need to be innocent to be worthy of love. The HKAI relationship was two traumatised children finding comfort in eachother. And Hikaru's crimes were about someone letting intrusive thoughts get to them. I don't like how Akasaka handled it at all, but I think erasing Hikaru's grief and the destruction it brought isn't a good way to read his character.

SO, for what it's worth, I do think the way you've analyzed Hikaru here is how he was intended to be read by Akasaka, at least by the end of the story, I don't blame anyone at all who went into this final stretch of OnK legit thinking we were going to get a reveal that Hikaru was not just a straight up villain or at least sympathizing with him and interpreting him as a slightly softer character, because the story basically spends the entirety of the Movie Arc beating you over the head with Extremely Sympathetic Hikaru Characterization.

Hell, it starts asking you to sympathize with him basically from the word go. The first concrete fact we learn about him outside of Aqua's insanely (understandably!) biased POV immediately throws every explicit and implicit assumption we have about him out the window. Not only does his age mean that he was one of Ai's peers and not, as Aqua seems to have been assuming, an older man who had victimized her but we learn this information in tandem with realizing - as Akane points out - this means Taiki was conceived when he was eleven years old, with all that implies. Akane's disgusted reaction pretty clearly telegraphs to the reader how we're supposed to take it and… idk, maybe this sounds cynical, but giving a character a backstory of CSA is like the Press To Make Audience Instantly Want To Protect This Character's Smile button. It very much primes you to want to feel bad for him.

109 does throw a spanner in these works and I do remember even at the time feeling very fucking uncertain about OnK potentially going for the grody old trope of "this character was a CSA victim and now they're Evil" (IF ONLY I FUCKING KNEW) but the more I re-read 109, I felt increasingly uncertain of what, exactly, we were supposed to take away from it. I actually had a suspicion for a really long time that 109 was so heavy handedly and overtly portraying him as a straightforward villain specifically to mislead the reader When They Cry-style and that he wasn't the one responsible for Yura's death at all.

Add all this to the fact that the Movie Arc centers Hikaru's victimhood and his extremely sad wet cat pathetic boy characterization literally at the expense of Ai's story in the movie that was supposed to be about her but what the fuck ever and it's really hard not to think that this is how the story wants you to feel about Hikaru. Hell, the Movie Arc even asks us to empathize with Airi, who is a fucking child rapist. I don't think it's unreasonable for anyone to assume that we were not supposed to think of Hikaru as a straightforward villain, especially when Ruby basically, like, looks into the camera when she's having her meeting with him and goes "nobody is born ontologically evil btw people get fucked up by their environments and blaming individuals for systemic issues isn't how anything gets fixed".

Also, like… I want to be delicate about this but I think it's also important to remember that Hikaru's motivations and supposed villainy as portrayed in OnK as of late are pretty outlandish and hard to connect with. But there are almost certainly people in OnK's audience who are also C/SA survivors who are able to resonate with a more grounded portrayal of him. I don't blame anyone at all for preferring a more sympathetic take on him in that case.

[v6quewrlds]

Im just gonna say it... TEE is 100% holding out, and bullshitting he's probably upset about not getting the money he wants, and it’s killing us. Even his mom didn’t know he was “hurt” again! *a few weeks ago on Twitter* for legal reasons, this is pure speculation, but if it's true, he's an asshole and he needs to be cursed out. He’s too talented to be sidelined, especially in games we might’ve won with him there. But this is also a front office and coaching problem as much as I would love to blame Zach taylor for everything. The truth is everyone and dare i say even the players have contributed to this little losing streak we keep having. Joe and Ja’Marr COMPLETELY BALLED OUT this game, even burtons childish ass did his little one-two, and they still lost. I'm a bengals girlie down, so I'm always gonna be screaming who dey!! But I just don't think this season is gonna be their season. Granted, you never know, so I'm not gonna accept defeat yet, but this is ridiculous and INSANE. I don't usually take games personally, but they should've won this game.

okay i know we're all upset but i'm going to try my best to write my thoughts about this as clear as possible. this is entirely speculation and it's the only time i will talk about this. if you don't want to see/hear this, just scroll.

i don't disagree with you. while he could genuinely be unable to practice/play, his mom saying that she was unaware that he was injured again kind of bothered me.

if he is holding out, i can't say i blame him. why would i put my body and my health further on the line for a team where it's becoming clear that i am not valued the way i should be.

if the rumors are true and tee is not *as* injured as they're making it out to be & he might walk at the end of the end of this season, it would be in his best interest strategically to have this narrative of being the bengals' missing link to save their record. whether or not that's true doesn't matter because we have nothing to suggest that he isn't the reason why they can't close games.

if i was tee, on this team with a losing record and i'm the second priority to ja'marr, why would i potentially risk a good contract with a team that might make me wr1? especially considering this is not a good season for the bengals and these things do weigh on the player's psyche and subconsciously influence how they move through negotiations.

i truly want the best for tee and that includes staying healthy and getting the money he 100% deserves. at the end of the day, the bengals are where they are and that's that. it's not tee's fault. it's not entirely zac's fault. it's the bengals front office's fault.

[kingofthewolvez]

I'm sorry but I am actually so disgusted by some of the ideas going around on this fuckass site. You are all so convinced that there's some innate evil in America and so everyone here deserves to just be thrown to the wayside and submit to the very real Trump regime that will arise from this presidency. You are convinced our survival and rights are not worth the same as others.

While not the entire reason why Trump won, multiple states could have turned blue if 3rd party voters had voted blue. Because people on Tumblr and TikTok kept bashing everyone who realized that voting Harris was the only way out, a lot of the GenZ who weren't poisoned by republican propaganda decided that she was just as bad. Even now, I'm seeing donation posts on here saying that Americans are being "selfish" and "stupid" for being rightfully fucking horrified about what this could mean for the country they live in instead of sending money to another country.

People are legitimately saying that Americans should not focus on the election and our country at all. That Palestine and Palestinian lives are more important than Americans. They genuinely can not comprehend a world in which we can matter as much as people in other countries. Being American is some sort of unforgivable crime and I do not understand why. Hot take, but I think all people are equally deserving of life and freedom.

Americans have every. right. to be worried about themselves, their friends, their families. We do not know how insane this situation could get. I don't think you grasp the lengths that Trump, the red senate, red house, and Supreme Court he will stack in his favor will go to. Americans don't know right now if they will be able to leave the country if they need to, if they need to get vaccinated before Trump is inaugurated, if they need to buy contraception and Plan B... All of that takes money that people might not have to spend otherwise. So excuse me if I don't think Americans are being selfish for being scared right now. Excuse me if I don't think Americans are stupid for saving money for the very possible emergency situations that might arise from this.

No. You are not a bad person for trying to figure out what's going on in this fucked situation. You are not a bad person for not devoting all of your time to a situation in a different country when your country's democracy is being threatened, when a dystopian reality is falling over you. You are not a bad person for that. You are not evil for being American, you did not commit a crime by being born here. Your life and your rights are not less important because of your nationality. You can care about two situations at once.

[honeyhour]

“hey, i know you’re kidding, but i seriously wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy. it hurts like hell and the first few days after surgery are way worse. i’d never do that to you. if we’re ever going to match with something, we’d be better off getting tattoos.” yeah, she’s sure his wife would love that. god, why the fuck did she think inviting them both to dinner was a good idea? “doesn’t feel like it just yet. i’ve had so much free time lately that i don’t know what to do with. there’s only so many books i can read or episodes of a show i can watch before i go insane at being so restricted. did you know they’re on like, season twenty of grey’s anatomy now?” she’d never been one to sit down and stare at a screen for hours in search of entertainment, but she’s certainly making up for it. what she wouldn’t do to be able to go for a damn jog at the very least. “well, i beg to differ... i might’ve rolled out the red carpet in preparation if i had known you were coming. i was starting to think you’d been corrupted by the city and forgot all about this place. can't say i would've blamed you.”

"i can go tear my acl if you'd like? so i can try and we can match?" unfazed by her subtle snark, harry only offers a soft simper as a counterweight. he isn't going to pretend that he can really empathize with the frustrations burning through her but he's also not going to sit around and leave her in the pits of despair either. whether she listens or not is of her own volition but he'll try his best to cheer her up - come hell or high water. "hey, that's improvement! i know. it's horrible and demoralizing and probably makes you never want to get up in the morning ever again but you can't stay feeling that way for the rest of your life. you are so much more than that, so much more than training day in and out at the gymnasium. maybe this is an opportunity to get some of that time back..." and if she doesn't have any idea now then she has plenty of resting time to maybe dabble in a few later. he knows he's preaching though and shakes his head to physically stop himself. "please, it's hardly worth any fanfare. the hospital would've been my first stop."

[jaguarys]

Anyways why the fuck did Naruto invent a secret underground army of brainwashed child soldiers and then just never do anything with that again. Can we talk about that