#I Feel Like I'm Going To Have A Seizure
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today is a day to lay in the middle of the floor and use my phone to pretend there is nothing wrong or scary going on in my brain
#wordvomit#i hate#i feel like i might have a seizure#vs#I Feel Like I'm Going To Have A Seizure#when u communicate the first people always assume the second is the same#theyre different feelings and im not photosensitive i have seizures for Various reasons#a lot of which r stress/internal related#ove barely slept the last few days and i havent been able tk force myself to eat how hard i try#im supposed to work but i dont feel like im safe to take a shower so i definitely dnot feel safe to bike and work for a few hours
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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"Oo, fancy," Cherri says with a nod to the infernal cellphone. Angel's lip curls instinctively and her eyebrow raises. "Or not."
"It's a gift from my boss." He frowns at the screen, at the tiny letters — a message from Val, of course. How did the moth demon even figure out texting? Can he even read anything on the little screen?
"That the guy who's texting you?"
"Who else?" He snaps the phone closed, irritated, turns away to try to flag down the bartender. He needs another drink. "Only came with one number programmed in it." Well, it's got Vox's number in it too, and he imagines he'll have Velvette's before the week is out. But that amounts to the same thing — doesn't it?
---
Chapter 3 of My Body Is An Orphanage (We Take Everyone In) is on AO3! Featuring a staring contest with a flip phone, good friend Cherri Bomb, and moving out of Vee Tower. Is this Vox's version of helping?
Chapter CWs: sexual assault, injuries from rape, drug and alcohol use, addiction & withdrawal, abusive relationship, panic attack
As always, please heed the warnings and let me know if there's anything I forgot to warn for. Pay special attention to the sexual assault and withdrawal warnings this chapter. <3
#hazbin hotel#angel dust#hazbin angel dust#hazbin anthony#angel dust x vox#cherri bomb#this chapter gets really dark you guys I'm sorry#nobody is having a good time#i did research on what seizures feel like if that gives you a sense of how things are going for our POV character#the Angel Dust Needs A Hug tag has never been more accurate#sorry
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transphobes attacking me on insta for taking HRT after i literally explain that T saved my life by stopping my near-constant menstrual linked-hormonal seizures that i've been having since i was abt 16ish.... they don't actually care if it literally is keeping you alive in a medical sense they want you dead because you don't hate that you're not cis regardless
#pre-T i was never sure if i wanted HRT but after starting T it literally fucking saved my life and i can't imagine going back#full on. my roommates used to have to sit with me for hours in case i choked and died while going in and out of sei#seizures#it was terrifying for me AND them. i would have no thought going through my head besides 'please dont let me die like this'#HRT literally saved my life. it has been the ONLY thing to stop such aggressive and regularly seizures#and while im still disabled im at least not worried ALL THE TIME i'll die suddenly from this struggle#cis people would literally rather me DEAD than being ok with facial hair growth in exchange for no seizures#im a little drinkie i apologize for ranting. im just genuinely so upset objectively#someone said im ABUSING hormones.....#i had an episode in late 2021 that i was in and out of a seizing state for 2 hours. TWO HOURS.#the longest episode i've had since starting T over a year ago was maybe 20 seconds#i feel sick at the idea that people want me to suffer so significantly because they don't like that i'm enjoying the gender euphoria too#fuck. anyway.#rant#ig.....#alcohol tw
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feels like i'm stuck in the hellscape that i left after covid but it's just living alone with my dad for more than a weekend
#also i've figured out what's wrong with my cat. i know i shouldn't google diagnose and i'm not a vet (much as i'd like to be)#nor is my human medical knowledge very extensive despite the degree#i also know i'm too anxious about this stuff#but i think he had a seizure#right in front of me#won't go into detail because i'll spiral if i type it out#was sat on the ground with him after that and my dad decides it's the right time to have a go at me#berating me for leaving the room every time he enters#which i did once because he was crashing plates together and i'm autistic ffs#i need to finish studying because there's nothing i can do for my cat other than watch him and make sure he doesn't fall#he's got a small cut on his noise from yesterday which i've tried to clean but he's too wiggly#was a worm in a previous life confirmed#i'm so paranoid that it's not a cut and actually just a bleeding nose#he seems happy and chill as per usual but i need to say something to someone idk what to do#my dad has lived with this cat for 10 years and still avoids referring to him or calling him by his name so that's out of the question#i won't talk to my brother about it because i'd be pushing onto him what's probably just paranoia that he really doesn't need to hear#so i'll tumblr vent. and wait for my mum to get back#should be tomorrow then i'll feel like i'm a real person again
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like i'm not just talking out of my ass. one of my many side job hats is helping people apply for canada council for the arts grants. he would be a fantastic candidate if he hadn't, yknow, burned that bridge
#bark bark#i'm also on disability. i have adhd. i have a tbi.#for fuck's sake i recently found out something i experienced regularly before my current med regime was a seizure if you want to go there#likely caused BY the repeated concussions! given when and how it started!#hearing him go uwu it's just impossible for me to have any other career#feels like him trying to guilt people into staying in his audience because he's disabled#and feels reflective of an entitlement that is really really off-putting
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How am I dissociated, numb AND dealing with allodynia at the same time. What are bodies.
#it's like *I'm* not in my body so *I'm* not feeling anything#but someone else *is* in my body and *they're* extremely ouchie hurty#how. why. can it not.#non religion#health stuff#cats lately have been like “hey mom you seem really dissociated”#and I'm like “what huh no I'm not”#[stops what I'm doing and realizes i am. in fact. extremely dissociated]#“oh son of a bitch FINE YOU WIN”#sometimes they catch that I'm going to have a seizure before i even clock that I'm dissociated to the point of seizure#like HOW. I DID NOT TRAIN YOU GUYS TO DO THIS
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STOP DOING THIS IN INJURY FICS!!
Bleeding:
Blood is warm. if blood is cold, you’re really fucking feverish or the person is dead. it’s only sticky after it coagulates.
It smells! like iron, obv, but very metallic. heavy blood loss has a really potent smell, someone will notice.
Unless in a state of shock or fight-flight mode, a character will know they’re bleeding. stop with the ‘i didn’t even feel it’ yeah you did. drowsiness, confusion, pale complexion, nausea, clumsiness, and memory loss are symptoms to include.
blood flow ebbs. sometimes it’s really gushin’, other times it’s a trickle. could be the same wound at different points.
it’s slow. use this to your advantage! more sad writer times hehehe.
Stab wounds:
I have been mildly impaled with rebar on an occasion, so let me explain from experience. being stabbed is bizarre af. your body is soft. you can squish it, feel it jiggle when you move. whatever just stabbed you? not jiggly. it feels stiff and numb after the pain fades. often, stab wounds lead to nerve damage. hands, arms, feet, neck, all have more motor nerve clusters than the torso. fingers may go numb or useless if a tendon is nicked.
also, bleeding takes FOREVER to stop, as mentioned above.
if the wound has an exit wound, like a bullet clean through or a spear through the whole limb, DONT REMOVE THE OBJECT. character will die. leave it, bandage around it. could be a good opportunity for some touchy touchy :)
whump writers - good opportunity for caretaker angst and fluff w/ trying to manhandle whumpee into a good position to access both sites
Concussion:
despite the amnesia and confusion, people ain’t that articulate. even if they’re mumbling about how much they love (person) - if that’s ur trope - or a secret, it’s gonna make no sense. garbled nonsense, no full sentences, just a coupla words here and there.
if the concussion is mild, they’re gonna feel fine. until….bam! out like a light. kinda funny to witness, but also a good time for some caretaking fluff.
Fever:
you die at 110F. no 'oh no his fever is 120F!! ahhh!“ no his fever is 0F because he’s fucking dead. you lose consciousness around 103, sometimes less if it’s a child. brain damage occurs at over 104.
ACTUAL SYMPTOMS:
sluggishness
seizures (severe)
inability to speak clearly
feeling chilly/shivering
nausea
pain
delirium
symptoms increase as fever rises. slow build that secret sickness! feverish people can be irritable, maybe a bit of sass followed by some hurt/comfort. never hurt anybody.
ALSO about fevers - they absolutely can cause hallucinations. Sometimes these alter memory and future memory processing. they're scary shit guys.
fevers are a big deal! bad shit can happen! milk that till its dry (chill out) and get some good hurt/comfort whumpee shit.
keep writing u sadistic nerds xox love you
ALSO I FORGOT LEMME ADD ON:
YOU DIE AT 85F
sorry I forgot. at that point for a sustained period of time you're too cold to survive.
pt 2
also please stop traumadumping in the notes/tags, that's not the point of this post. it's really upsetting to see on my feed, so i'm muting the notifs for this post. if you have a question about this post, dm me, but i don't want a constant influx of traumatic stories. xox
#writing tips#writing advice#writing help#writblr#how to write#fiction writing#for writers#on writing#writing stuff#writer life
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hate trying to look up disorders & shit because everything is just like "how to deal with a super inconvenient idiot who has X which we all know is just an excuse to be inconvenient & stupid" instead of what i really need which is "how to tell if you have X, from a person diagnosed with X"
#am i having seizures?? who fucking knows!!! no one will tell me & i don't have a doctor to ask#i only found out because i overheard by mom laughing about me passing out going limp & shaking while on the phone with who fucking knows#so fuck me & my stupid baka life i guess#accidentally found out i have symptoms for like. a brain tumour but i won't find anything out about that for a long while so. rip#not even allowed to entertain the idea because then no one will take anything i say seriously#my head is constantly hurting & i feel like i'm gonna pass out & i'm losing my balance & coherent thought & i have a soft spot on my skull#but like no doctor will listen to me if i don't let them figure it out themself like a fucking detective or some shit#& my family thinks i'm a chronic liar especially when it comes to medical stuff#so i'm on tumblr complaining about it. yeah.#if i suddenly stop using tumblr & disappear. you know what happened then#i know i say this a lot as a joke but. seriously. i never expected to live past 30 anyways so if i disappear. yeah#hey maybe it's just the anxiety & everything's fine. who knows#i just got my driver's license back too. damn
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im about to go insane
#vinny vents#my dad absolutely ruined my morning just now bro#he woke me up yelling at me about how I've already missed three days and he got an alert about it#and i told him I don't think i should go to school since my head is pounding and im still congested#and generally still feel sick#and he starts yelling about some 'oh well you just have to power through it! youre going to school and thats my final word!'#thankfully after he left to go to the gym my mom is letting me stay home#but like my goodness what is his problem#I'm sick!! its not like I'm missing school on purpose with evil intent!!#the first two days i missed were because i had a fucking seizure!!!#i literally don't know whats wrong w him#might delete l8r
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hey there!! nothing is set in stone quite yet i still have to see if i can make something work before resorting to it but i may offer small sketches and stuff for pay or even donations to help pay for my seizure meds. i learned about 2 weeks ago that with my new insurance the copay is $994. obviously that's not affordable and i need my meds i can't choose not to take them. it's not a good solution for the long term because i'd still have to get refills and i don't expect to be asking for help every three months, but at least in the meantime i really need these and i'm on the last ones in my current refill.
#signal boost#boost#i guess#again its not like i'm officially going to do it but#not just yet at least#but#i'm happy to drop my kofi if anyone feels kind#i'm not a super artist i'm much more of a writer but#its easier for me in terms of energy to draw than it is to write#i do do writing commissions but my portfolio is not up to date so i can't offer any new writing pieces for example#otherwise i'd happily drop my price sheet (thats years old but whatever)#disability talk#disabled#neurodivergent#epilepsy#epileptic#decided it was time to finally put the possible word out at least after having a seizure earlier :/#i dont want to go to much into detail i dont need to spill my feelings about the whole situation for everyone to see but#i was very upset when i found out the cost at the pharmacy to say the least#i can post example sketches of my art in a bit#i do more traditional than digital but i can do both (and for the sake of comms i prefer digital)
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2 months seizure free ✌🏻
#i love how it's bare minimum but I'm celebrating it like a big accomplishment#i mean mere survival is an accomplishment to me#i hope it lasts forever but i know it won't and I know I'm at risk of having a seizure at any point in my life#and at risk of dying in a seizure#knowing the chance is small doesn't make it better#and i hate when people compare my risk of dying in an epileptic seizure to the risk of dying in a car accident#because having epilepsy is abnormal and it's absolutely not like walking out on the streets and getting in an accident#no one knows how it feels and no one understands what it means to properly take two anti-seizure pills a day for possibly the rest of my lif#I'm also considering changing my neurologist tho I've literally been going to the same doctor for 10 years
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absolutely fucking hate trying to take photos with this fucking phone they're ALL blurry except ONE. but it's the only way i can take pictures. because if i even dare to go out onto the step without him my geriatric little shitter of a dog pitches a fucking fit. it's worse than having a kid i swear to fuck. at least i could be left home alone at 12, this little shitter is 16 and he's never grown and will never grow out of being an obnoxious fuck
#not art#i don't like leaving him alone because 1. you can hear his screechy whine all the way down the road#and i don't want the neighbors to bitch#and 2. he's old and has had seizures before#but for fuck sake i just wanna GO OUT ALONE. TO TAKE PHOTOS. TO FORAGE SEAWEED.#ANYTHING.#and no i don't have any friends that can babysit him or take his leash so i have my hands free on walks.#''just give him away'' my dad made Me promise to take care of him and like some stupid fae creature i keep my promises#to the detriment of both myself and those associated with whatever promise it is#i go outside every day and yet it still feels stuffy#i'm too schizoid for animal companionship#doesn't help that when i slept with him while he was sick like. a week ago.#i'm still fucking ITCHY from doing so#did i mention that i'm allergic to him :)?#i'm not supposed to be allergic to dogs but i guess i am :)????#so i can't play with him or anything without suffering either. and allergies make me angry.#so it's a feedback loop of Fuck You Dad Why Didn't You Plan Better??
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I'm so behind on my assignments. It's like I'm so ready to do them but my anxiety gets the best of me and then I freeze and just listen to random shit and online shop, except I don't buy anything.
#ramble#anxiety#tw anxiety#I've been an online student for like 7+ years and it still gets me#although this is a masters program and I'm just terrified#it just makes me spiral about life and what my future holds#will it go to plan? probably not#I still have to fucking dream and hope because otherwise life is sad as hell#but I'm going to the eras tour so that's a solid win#I'm terrified that I won't be able to go#I couldn't go to the reputation tour because I was hospitalised after having a grand Mal seizure#so I'm terrified that even though I'm doing well on my meds something bad is going to happen#so then that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop just boosts anxiety like crazy#I have epilepsy for context#no one is going to read this and that's a good thing lol#I'm spilling way to much here#putting it all in the tags#I didn't do work today - I just researched makeup and stuff for my eras outfit#because if I focus on that I can hope#one could say...to live for the hope of it all#august supremacy tbh#alright - that's my ramble for the night#I write a lot when I'm on Tumblr on my computer#I'm normally on mobile#I hope everything works out#I'm so scared of something happening and my life gets set back#it's like whenever something good happens shit has to ruin it#like last year was so fucking bad - I lost my grandpa and my dog#my mom and I had to help put my grandparents dog to sleep because he was sick#all of this happened within 2 months or so
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hello hello lovely! so the other day i donated blood for the first time and i felt perfectly fine the whole time but then like ten minutes after i threw up with like no warning?? (im fine now turns out i hadnt eaten enough during the day!!) but anyway i was wondering if you might please do a similar scenario with emt!marauders? doesnt have to be exact of course 💗 love you!
Oh I'm sorry that happened to you babe!! Thank you for requesting <3
cw: mention of past blood draw, nausea, lightheadedness
emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 798 words
You’re bent over so that your head is almost resting on your knees when a pair of shoes comes into your periphery. It seems they’ve sent someone to make sure you’re not going to pass out.
You force yourself to sit up, every muscle in your body feeling strange and overwrought, and oh. It’s three someones. You’d worry your vision was tripling if they didn’t look each very distinct, save for their black EMT uniforms.
The owner of the shoes you’d seen sits in the chair beside you, all brown eyes and kind, gentle features. “Hi,” he says, “I’m Remus. Are you the one who had trouble with the blood draw?”
You sigh. “Yeah.” Give him a small smile you hope looks reassuring. “I’m fine, though. It passed quickly. I’m just waiting for the go-ahead to go home.”
“You got sick?” A second paramedic asks you as he sits down on your other side. This one has glasses and thick, curly hair that falls just above his eyes. The third, with sleeves rolled up to display arms full of inky tattoos, leans against the wall across the hall from you.
You’re not entirely sure which one of them to look at, but you decide upon the boy who’d asked the question. “Yeah?”
His lips tilt with a sympathetic sort of smile. “Probably best not to be walking or driving anywhere while you’re feeling ill, love. Do you feel up to some crackers?”
You take the package of saltines he offers you. Notice for the first time how badly your hands are shaking as you try to tear it open. He notices, too.
“Here, I’ve got that.” He takes it back from you, ripping it open with one easy motion. As he holds it out for you, he says, “I’m James, that’s Sirius.” The tattooed paramedic shoots you a wink.
“Nice to meet you,” you mumble. “Look, I’m really okay. They didn’t need to send three of you to check up on me.”
Sirius laughs. “Don’t worry, babe, no one’s worried you’re going to have a seizure. We’re just a package deal.”
“The staff is all busy with the blood drive,” offers Remus when you still look perplexed, “and we’re between calls. We just thought we’d sit with you on our break, if that’s alright.”
“Oh.” You swallow a bite of cracker. “Yeah, okay. Thank you.”
He gives you a soft smile. “How do you feel?”
“I’m okay.”
“You’re shaking down to your kneecaps,” Sirius says dryly.
“The nurse said you looked like you were going to faint after you got sick,” James tries in a lighter tone. “Do you still feel that way?”
He keeps his eyes on yours, warm and gentle, as you chew the inside of your lip. “I don’t think so,” you say. “Just a bit weird, I guess.”
“Weird how?” Sirius presses.
You shrink some under his gaze, and Remus says sternly, “Sirius.”
“You’re scaring her.” James’ hand lands on your thigh almost absentmindedly as he gives the other boy a faux glare. “Go get some juice. Begone.”
Sirius huffs a laugh, pushing off from the wall. “Pricks,” he says as he goes.
James turns back to you, smile turned up to full wattage. “Don’t mind him. What were you saying about how you feel weird?”
“Just…mostly fine.” It’s impossible not to grow shy under the attention of the prettiest guys you think you’ve ever seen. Remus nods for you to continue. “A little bit nauseous, I guess, and shaky. Just…weird.”
James makes a sympathetic sound, rubbing your thigh. The way you go shock still at the touch appears not to catch his notice. “Yeah, sounds like lightheadedness to me. S’alright, though, we’ll get you fixed up in a minute here.”
Sirius saunters back in with a cup of orange juice. “Look,” he says as he hands it to you, “I even got her a straw to prove I’m not mean. See?”
“I didn’t think you were being mean,” you say quietly.
Sirius grins. “No.” He chucks you gently under the chin. You shrink even further into your seat. You swear these boys are only making your trembling worse. “You never said a bad thing, gorgeous. It’s just these two, they love to tyrannize me.”
“You could stand to be tyrannized from time to time,” says Remus.
“Yeah,�� James agrees heartily. “Keeps you from tyrannizing everyone else so much.”
Their easy bantering brings a smile to your lips. Remus smiles back at you, nodding to your orange juice. “Take small sips of that,” he says. “Don’t drink too fast and stop if you start to feel sick again.”
“Attagirl,” James encourages when you raise the straw to your lips obediently, rubbing your thigh again.
They’re lucky the orange juice doesn’t come out your nose.
#emt!marauders#emt!marauders x reader#marauders au#poly!marauders#poly marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly marauders x reader#poly!marauders x fem!reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders x self insert#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders fanfic#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders hurt/comfort#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders scenario#poly!marauders drabble#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders one shot#poly!marauders oneshot#james potter#james potter x reader#sirius black#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders fanfiction
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Hii! I love your work SO MUCH but i'm not really sure if you're taking requests. Yet i'm here asking if you'd be comfortable to write a marauders or wolf star or any of the ships with reader who has epilepsy? and how they comfort reader after a seizure? i've always wondered what they'd do after my episodes. Feel free to delete this one if jts not your thing and have a great week ahead!!!
thanks for your request, sweetheart! do forgive me if there are any inaccuracies in my depiction of epilepsy as I'm not super well-versed in the subject other than what to do in a first-aid setting! google don't fail me now 😩
poly!maraudres x gn!reader who has epilepsy
CW: depiction of a seizure, anxiety, loss of consciousness, hurt/comfort, Sirius' cooking
You could hear voices murmuring around you - perhaps stationed somewhere above you - though you weren’t currently confident in your spatial awareness. You couldn’t make out what the voices were saying, but you could tell that they were nice; that the voices were lovely.
Or perhaps there wasn’t any voices at all, perhaps it was just a presence; perhaps it was just a lovely presence. Either way, you were sure you felt grateful for it.
“Easy dove, there you are.” You heard whispered as a breath was forcefully exhaled from your lungs. “There you are, you’re alright sweetheart. You can stop the timer, Pads.”
You hadn’t realised you had started crying until someone was shushing you and wiping tears away from your cheeks.
“Remus’ll be right back, angel; he just went to get you some water.” A voice explained from above you; James, it was James’ voice.
It was James’ voice and you were on the floor; how had you ended up on the floor?
You were having dinner; Sirius had made dinner for you all - roast chicken and potatoes. It was supposed to be roast chicken, potatoes, and broccolini, but he had burnt the broccolini.
It had been a lovely meal until it wasn’t; it had been a lovely meal until your mouth started to taste like metal.
“You feeling alright, sweets?” Sirius had asked when you abruptly stopped talking and set your fork down beside your plate.
You were upset - and perhaps a little scared, though this certainly wasn’t anything new - and you hadn’t been ready to admit what you thought was about to happen; not right then, not aloud.
You simply shook your head no.
“Is it Pads’ cooking? Because we can order take away.” James had offered in jest, only cluing in that something was wrong when Remus gently nudged James’ elbow with his knuckles.
“Seizure?” Remus asked simply.
You squeezed your eyes shut - in embarrassment or fear, you weren’t entirely sure - and nodded your head yes.
It was like a switch was flipped and they all fell into business mode.
“I’ll go move the coffee table.” Sirius proclaimed as he hurried from the table towards the living room and James was at your side to help you up.
“I’m sorry.” You gritted out miserably, earning you a sad sigh from James who was all but carrying you into the next room.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. We’ve got you.”
And you could only trust that this was true as your consciousness began to fade just as your body was lowered onto the carpeted floor.
It had been a seizure, you had a seizure.
“Hey dovey.” You heard above you; a slight breeze prickling your skin alerting you to the fact that Remus had just returned.
A spike of worry surged through your core as you let out a few quick breaths. “Rem.” You sobbed.
The sound of something being set down on the coffee table, James shifting away from you to make room for Remus, and two strong hands cupping each side of your face.
“I’m right here, love. Can you open your eyes for me?” He murmured softly, rubbing at your cheekbones with his thumbs.
A few quick puffs of hair left your lips again, but you were distracted from your panic as you felt gentle fingers press into your calves.
“You’re alright, we’ve got you. Open your eyes, dovey.”
You tried to take in a deep breath as you relented; opening your eyes to have your vision swimming with the sad smile of Remus. “There you are; you’re alright.” He promised you.
“Anything sore?” Sirius asked uncharacteristically quietly for your arguably most boisterous boyfriend as he continued tracing soothing circles on your Achilles tendon.
“I don- I don’t think so.” You whispered through a hiccup.
You heard James whimper in sympathy as his hand appeared on Sirius’ shoulder.
“D’you think you can manage a shower or bath?” Remus asked then, encouraging your eyes back to his as he seemed to survey your face.
You considered the welcoming warmth of a bath or shower, but your stomach seemed to roll at the thought of doing anything other than laying down for the next foreseeable future.
Your face seemed to give away your decision as Remus sighed and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Cuddles it is then, hm?”
James was suddenly behind you pressing an upside down kiss to your forehead before he was encouraging your shoulders upwards into a seated position.
“Water,” Remus started as he placed the glass into your hand. “And paracetamol.”
You took the tablet (as a preemptive solution for a potential headache) and drank the glass of water dutifully earning you two more forehead kisses by Remus and James and a squeeze of your foot by Sirius before James was helping you up and ushering you to the bedroom.
Time seemed to move oddly as someone helped you change into a pair of pyjamas and ease you under the covers of the bed.
“Jamie and I will clean up, m’love; you cooked.” Remus murmured quietly to Sirius who seemed painfully uncomfortable as his eyes darted nervously between you and Remus.
“I think it should be you who stays, Rem.”
James sighed as he rested his hand on the juncture of Sirius’ neck and rubbed at the column of his throat with his thumb. “You know Y/N gets anxious after a seizure, Pads; just like Moony is always the first name you call out after a nightmare, yeah?”
“Siri.” You whimpered; your voice sounding particularly pathetic even to your own ears.
The three boys seemed surprised by your voice, clearly under the impression you’d fallen asleep during their quiet deliberation.
“Jamie and I will clean, Sirius. You’re in charge of snuggle duty.” Remus repeated. And while some apprehension was still obvious in his face, he seemed to concede to your grabby hand and Remus’ imploring gaze.
The two boys left the room as Sirius carefully slid in under the covers beside you.
Out of all of your boyfriends, Sirius was often left the most upset by your episodes; when he felt strong emotions (such as fear or worry), he tended to shut down.
“I ruined dinner.” You pouted as Sirius pulled you into his chest.
He let out a teasing scoff with only half the amount of humour he usually carried. “I ruined dinner by offering to cook, sweetness.”
“You guys didn’t even get to finish eating.” You carried on, tears painfully obvious in your voice which made even more tears well up in your eyes simply in embarrassment for crying.
“No, no baby; none of that now, yeah? I was full, Jamie was ready to order pizza, and I’m pretty sure Remus was feeding the chicken to the cat anyway.” He promised, stamping a kiss to your head and pulling you in closer to his side. “You never ruin anything, ever. You make everything better simply by being there, okay?”
“I don’t mean to scare you.” You whispered, feeling painfully vulnerable and simultaneously wholly safe in Sirius’ arms.
“You don’t scare me. You don’t scare me; I am scared because I feel useless. I hate not knowing what to do for you baby.” He whispered back.
You hummed as if in thought for a few as you felt your eyelids growing heavy. “This.”
“Hm?”
“Do this, just this; that’s what you can do for me.” You slurred as you felt the heavy hands of sleep dragging you further into the mattress beneath you.
You could feel Sirius chuckle - both in the form of the air he breathed into the crown of your head and the gentle rumble of his chest - as he pressed another lingering kiss into your hair. “Consider it done, my love.”
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