#I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore (2017)

[twenty-words-or-less]

I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore

Summary: Nursing assistant Ruth (Melanie Lynskey) comes home to find her house has been burgled. After appeals to the authorities fail, she turns to neighbour Tony (Elijah Wood) to help find her stolen items and track down the people - or person - who burgled her.

Quiet, slow indie drama that looks at gender dynamics in modern USA and lets Wood do whatever he wants.

Rating: 3.25/5

Photo credit: IMDb

[eloquentlytired]

— when the time comes

pairing: old man!logan howlett x gn! reader

word count: no idea but this one isn't very long.

part two is out!

tags: major character death — angst — reader is logan’s sunshine — mention of blood & wounds — logan low-key proposing 5 seconds before he dies — non established relationship

author's note: this has been on my mind since 2 days ago so I had to do it now.. I hope you guys enjoy reading this heartbreak! and yes I wrote this after watching Logan (2017) again. just a bit of an alternative type of ending so I can write abt logan x reader! as always reblogs & likes & conversations are sooo welcome ^_^

god stood me up

and I don't know why

lights are on

but nobody's home

you find him leaning against a tree trunk, a chunk of wood piercing his sides open as blood soaks through his shirt. that isn't the only wound he's sporting but it's the most evident one; the one that'll possibly lead him to his demise.

logan blinks upon noticing you as if he's just seeing things or dreaming. when you crouch down beside him and place your hand on his arm, he realizes exactly just how real you are. “logan?” there are tears in your eyes and he hates that you're crying because of him again. you had been living with him, charles and caliban way before it all turned to shit. and somehow the only ones left standing were laura and you. and the kids that logan had managed to save; he truly had saved so many lives.

there's a silence aside from his heavy breathing before your shaky hands cup his face. the blood flows out of his wound and mouth like a river. in some way you're bleeding too — inside your heart. “hey sunshine.” logan whispers with a soft smile and you feel something tear your chest apart from the inside. “I made you cry again.” you see the way his hand twitches by his side. he wants to touch you but he's old and tired and wounded. there's no energy left in him to move anymore. “the kids are okay, laura is okay— I have the car and..and there's still time— the hospital—” your voice trails off when logan closed his eyes.

“you know what makes me angry, sunshine?” logan asks and you simply stare at him, shaking your head. when he opens his eyes again, they are full of unshed tears. “gonna miss my daughter’s first birthday with me—” logan mutters brokenly and the vision of laura swims beneath his half-opened eyelids. and after laura there is you; smiling. at the beach. you've always wanted to go to the beach with him but he never took you since he was working day and night to take care of everything. of everyone. “and i’m also gonna miss my sunshine.” his eyes fall on you, on your crying face. the tears sliding down your cheeks are plenty and there is so much emotion pooling in those orbs of yours. logan wants to kiss you, tell you it'll be alright. but he can’t even move.

he coughs, some blood spluttering on his white shirt and you flinch. your fingers shake as you slide them through his messy hair, stroking them in the way he’s always loved. “logan, I'm sorry...I— I'm so sorry logan..” you keep chanting and logan feels the frustration in his bones when he tries to move his arms. he can't, he's too weak now, and he's angry with himself that he's unable to comfort you the way he wants. the way he once could but never did. “not you nor the entire world could ever prevent this, sunshine. it was meant to be like this.” he says before coughing again, more blood trickling down his beard.

you crawl by his side, on the dirty ground, and press against his ‘good’ side while leaning your head on his shoulder. you tilt your head back enough for your eyes to reach his exhausted face. logan maintains a smile you haven't seen in forever. in damn years to be precise. “charles spoke to me of other timelines and some shit about— multiverse was it?” he pauses, taking a deep breath. “I don't fucking know. I just wanted him to take the damn pills.” his sentence makes both of you laugh although logan is holding back with that — it'll only cause more physical pain after all. “point is..if it's true then—”

“—we gotta find each other yeah? and laura.” his eyes aren't on you anymore but they're in the sky. it's bluer than ever and the clouds part to show him the sun. logan doesn't look away even if it makes his eyes ache. you stare. “wanna make it right, sunshine.” he tells you as you sniffle by him. his fingers flinch again between your bodies and you slide a single hand down to hold his own, to intertwine your fingers in a gentle mess. “but for now I want to rest.” logan whispers and your grip tightens around his hand. if he had the strength, he'd squeeze back. you knew this.

“you did excellent.” you finally manage to say, a little steadier this time. logan averts his gaze to you as you continue. “you did a good job. you did such a good job.” you repeat with a smile so soft that logan starts yearning for you already. his faint chuckle turns into a rough cough and he takes some time to recover before speaking again.

“maybe after I rest, I'll open my eyes and..” you watch as logan’s eyes begin closing and how the heaving of his chest slows. he's deathly pale by now, the veins underneath his eyes are prominent, but your grip never slackens. you crawl closer until your foreheads touch. logan draws one last breath and you swallow down your cry. “and I'll see my daughter. and my... spouse.” your eyes shoot open wide but logan’s remain fallen shut. your chest heaves up and down intensely but logan’s remains still.

when the time comes, your feet are forcefully dragging you away towards your old car while logan lies beneath the ground.

[velvet-vox]

My Top 10 Favourite Male Villains of all time.

"How arrogant of you to think that any of us are anything but irrelevant". -John Greer, Person of Interest (2011-2016).

There comes a moment in a blog's life where some things are just long overdue, and while the argument could be made that this happened way too early, I'd say that as long as this helps me to find my groove, I am free to experiment as much as I want.

So..... Villains.

Gotta love them. As long as I do not meet them in real life. This post is in particular about male villains since I have one dedicated to their female counterparts in the pipeline so expect that to come soon enough and for this part to be rewritten. By the way, "villain" is a generalisation, I can totally put antivillains, antagonists or more general antiheroes in this list; your definition of "Bad Guy" can vary greatly and so can mine, someone like Walter White from Breaking Bad could have made it in here. My taste is very unusual, so prepare yourself for some unexpected picks.

Also, since these are meant to be some big celebratory posts, for the occasion I'll reveal my Italian heritage and translate every line of dialogue in Italian and publish it separately with a link, so that English readers who are learning Italian can exercise.

Here's also a follow up to this post, the first part of my top 30 favourite female antagonists of all time. Check it out, if you are curious to see more.

The bad girls

But first, some honourable mentions:

Oropo (Wakfu): Once you see the number 2 spot for both this list and the female villains list you might notice that I tend to gravitate towards characters with wasted potential more often than not, but while we're just talking about this guy, I cannot stress enough the amount of unceremonious mishandling that lies within his concepts and execution. Really needed two seasons of 25 episodes each to explore it to their maximum.

Tai Lung (Kung Fu Panda): I love him, but not as much as others, it's a matter of personal preference. He's an amazing antagonist, so even if he is just an honourable mention, I wouldn't call him a lesser villain by any stretch of the imagination; I once felt like he was too sympathetic for his movie's sake, but looking back at it again, he's actually moderately evil for a lot of reasons, even if Shifu is the main one.

Bill Chyper (Gravity Falls): It's been way too long since I watched Gravity Falls, I really can't give you an accurate opinion on this guy anymore.

Flintheart Glomgold (DuckTales 2017): That season 2 episode. If you know what I'm talking about, you KNOW. Also the music for that whole sequence was a banger, really driving home the deranged nature of that twist reveal.

Big Jack Horner (Puss in Boots The Last Wish): I feel like when people praise Jack for being a breath of fresh air in a stale environment, they often forget just how good of a villain he was in his own right without the larger industry wide void of truly devious antagonists that act out of pure malice.

The Wolf (Puss in Boots The Last Wish): Two villain entries from one movie? Of course it was gonna be The Last Wish, what else could it be? Honestly I don't even wanna talk about this guy, you need to experience the movie for yourself.

Rob (The Amazing World of Gumball): Everything I have to say about this guy gets talked about much better by the number 6 Spot on this list, but as it stands Rob was my first villain OTP and the guy who opened the box of Pandora for me on what an antagonist could and should be, since then my perception of villainy only widened and now I enjoy their role in a story in much different way.

And now, with that out of the way, let's finally start with the ranking of my personal favourite male villains of all time.

Major spoilers down below:

Number 10: Silco (Arcane)

This guy is the reason that brought me to specify who or what counted for this list as trying to simplify Silco into one specific group of characters is a challenge that can only end in a misunderstanding of what makes Silco such a complex and fascinating character with an amazing character arc, that ends with him not being redeemed, mind you, but allows the audience to grieve in such a way that would make a side character death jealous.

When writing an antagonistic character, Silco is my goal and high standard, and just for that he deserves all of my respect and endless praise.

Now, admittedly, Silco's arc takes a while to kick in, but it works out to his advantage by the end of it since you don't realise just how much you've grown to care for him until he's dead and you're left with the surprise.

10 out 10, the nation of Zaun would have been much better (worse) with him than with Vander.

Number 9: The Riddler (DC)

The Riddler is literally my ride or die villain, when I'm in the mood for him, he's literally my favourite antagonist ever; when I am not in the mood for him, I completely forget about his existence.

When compared to many other entries on this list, Riddler is definitely more on the pop culture side of antagonism, and when you've been around for almost a century, you tend to have many different versions of the same character written by different writers, so I wanted to highlight here my favourite versions of him:

Arkham Games: He's hilarious. He's not my ideal Riddler, but whenever he comes on screen, his whiny rat's ass voice stimulates my pheromones.

Batman The Animated Series: I've heard somewhere that this version of him is disappointing, and to that I'll say... yeah, but only when he wasn't on screen, because otherwise, he kind of slayed.

Matt Reeves The Batman: This is the version that rekindled my love for him after so long. Out of every interpretation of The Riddler throughout the years, this is the one version that treated Edward more as a character rather than an obstacle for Batman to overcome, and for that I'll be eternally grateful.

LEGO Batman The Videogame: My very first introduction to The Riddler and the Batman universe as a whole, this version has a permanent place in my heart , I love how much information and emotion you can get out of him by just looking at his mannerisms and quirks alone; unironically, being silent helps him reach that quote on quote idealised version of Riddler that I was talking about earlier.

Number 8: The Snatcher (A Hat In Time)

There are many things that can carry on a villain in a story, their evolution, stage presence, complexity, thematic contrast to their counterpart, and so on and so forth. While an antagonist can check off many of these boxes simultaneously (like the one pictured), there's one box that is almost impossible to truly nail perfectly: comedy.

You see, comedy is subjective, and when your main antagonist is also the funniest part of a given story, it becomes hard to also match a sense of gravity and menace that allows them to also be an imposing threat, even harder is to give said antagonist depth and a tragic backstory.

But somehow, out of nowhere, The Snatcher from A Hat In Time manages to simultaneously be the funniest character in his section of the game, carrie said energy throughout the whole experience even down to the DLC, simultaneously strikes the balance between being scary, wholesome, sympathetic and tragic, exude an insane amount of charisma, all while having a deeply disturbing backstory that touches on some heavy themes and re contextualises his actions into something more complicated and out of a broken man, everything I just said + he's the biggest bastard in his videogame and never repents nor does he have his actions called out.

Snatcher really has all the right cards that make a stationary character work and uses them to his maximum potential, and it works because his character arc throughout the game is more about becoming affectionate to Hat Kid than it is about redeeming himself.

Lastly, his voice actor, Luke Sizemore, aka Yungtown, really sells the performance of this devious soul eating worm and burns his catchphrases into your brain for the rest of eternity, much like his boss theme,

Your Contract Has Expired

A song that switches around being scary, epic, energetic and desperate in a short, yet perfectly paced amount of time. You need to listen to it regardless of if you've played the game or not.

Fool.

Number 7: Judge Claude Frollo (Hunchback of Notre Dame)

You can never say no to a classic.

There's nothing that I could say that hasn't already been said by thousands of videos on YouTube, but I'll try anyway: you see, Frollo is the reason why we need a new term to identify certain villains that aren't "sympathetic" but still make you feel some sort of human emotion and a form of "I wish someone could give you the care you need to fix your life", I guess the term empathetic exists, but when do you really see it used?

Now, don't get me wrong, Frollo is absolutely not sympathetic in the slightest, he wants to r##e a Romani woman that's way younger than him, but you can still feel that he's very troubled about it in the Hellfire scene and has definitely a lot of unidentified issues and internalised bigotry that could be worked through, even if it's too late to work through them right now.

In general, I feel like people forget that the main reason why past Disney villains worked had to do more with their human traits juxtaposed to their malice rather than just their plain wickedness, otherwise the Horned King from the Black Cauldron would be top of the Disney villains league and that couldn't be further from the truth.

We should really strive towards writing more villains like Frollo, less omnipotent beings that end up falling flat because they don't have much thematic relevance aside from being a threat (Bill Chyper works because he represents Ego and he's used sparingly) and more average vicious individuals who use their power and influence to get what they want.

All in all, if you've seen The Hunchback of Notre Dame, then you know why this guy is here, but just to cite a couple of repeated points, the Hellfire scene is perfect. It's immaculate. It's unreproducible; there will never be another scene like this coming out of the House of Mouse or animation ever again, the excessive amount of stars and elements that came together to create this gothic classic is so vast that it's literally a miracle.

Frollo is truly the personification of the dark, twisted side of humanity peaking through the door and into your mind, from which he shall never escape as his performance still remains perfect to this very day.

Number 6: The Spot (Spider-man across the Spiderverse)

"You've hit me with a bagel!" It's still the greatest villain origin story of all time. There's truly something maniacal about this reveal, like the entire universe was shattered and reality was shocked at the mere realization that while Miles was having his coming of age moment back in the first film, this guy was having his normal life completely and utterly shattered by a combination of both our heroes stepping up to do the right thing and our doofus lack of foresight and self reflection; all of this stuff is hilarious and completely made up for the film but good god they did such an amazing job tying all the elements together in an unexpected way that makes sense and parallels the journey that our protagonist faced in the first movie.

Like with Rob from The Amazing World of Gumball, and a little bit like number 2 on this list, I just really enjoy the concept of turning background characters who had no relevance whatsoever into the big bad of the story who's been there all along and the heroes (and the audience) just couldn't notice.

With The Spot in particular, there's that sense of satisfaction of turning the wasted potential of a villain who has been underestimated for literal decades and treated as a "villain of the week" (God do I love the meta narrative of this movie) into an actual competent, well written antagonist that is aware of his reputation and strives towards bettering himself and his powers.

He's also the funniest character of his movie too and the voice acting of Jason Schwartzman only accentuates his mannerisms and pettyness.

He also has the coolest usage of portals I have ever seen and his whole "There's a hole inside all of us" metaphor is simultaneously hilarious and very deep personal information that can only be understood if you put yourself into his shoes.

I can't wait for Beyond the Spiderverse to come out and see how his arc resolves, more importantly, I wonder if he's going to rank higher in the future.

Number 5: Lord Shen (Kung Fu Panda)

"Happiness must be taken. And I'll take mine"

.....

What a character.

What a movie.

You cause so much pain and suffering, because you don't understand the people around you, and then those people banish you, and you can't understand why, so you start to believe that they hated you.

They never loved you, so you keep causing pain and suffering but it's not that easy anymore; the guilt starts to resurface, all those bodies keep piling up, but you can't stop because then it would have all been for nothing; so you keep chasing those dreams of grandeur because that's all you have left; the emptiness in your heart can no longer be filled by love, so you try to fill it with something else.

You try to fill it with power. You try to fill it with glory. You try to take everything else for yourself so that you can fill that cup, but it doesn't work, because that cup has no bottom.

And so you're left... with yourself.

And the damage you've done. But now it's different; you've failed. You are left with nothing. Nothing.

And so you outrage, for the last time... And then it all ends. Forever. And you've finally come to accept this, after all....... Who could ever love you?

Number 4: Spamton G Spamton (Deltarune)

You know, in retrospect, it's kind of insane what Toby Fox managed to achieve when creating Spamton.

Not only because Spamton feels like the most insane combination of ideas ever conceived, but also because Toby Fox created such a complex character with such a complicated language and personality and then not only shafted it all aside for the players to go out of their way to interact, but also made all of this in what are officially 2 or 3 cutscenes at most (4 if you consider his shop encounter as one) and only one of them being truly mandatory.

You spend so little time with Spamton, and most of that time is spent fighting him, and yet by the end of it you've become enlightened by the knowledge of him, that after a while... you forget how scary it all was.

All the memes comparing Spamton with Turbo are 100% correct and justified, Spamton truly is Turbo but better; you go through an insane rollercoaster of emotions with this character that you are left absolutely dumbfounded when it all comes to a stop and you go back to play the rest of chapter 2 normally.

His insane mannerisms and mood swings are pretty funny at first, but once you peel back the layers a bit they reveal a pretty realistic and sad portrayal of mental illness, mania and hysteria coupled with an unhealthy amount of social distancing, loneliness, and abandonment issues, that reinforce into your brain the idea of someone lacking proper healthcare and needing to be locked away from society for their (society) own good, simulating the vicious cycle that Spamton lives by: nobody wants to help him but he's still expected to act like a regular individual despite the amount of hardships he's facing and the lack of a support system keeping him from falling back into his bad habits.

I'll admit, I've considered putting Spamton in place of the Number 3 spot on this list; but then I've realised that on an objective level, the next entry totally deserves to be ranked above Spamton; plus, with at least 5 more chapters of Deltarune on our way, whose to say that one of the next gremlins won't be able to dethrone even the number 1 spot?

Drumroll for our top 3:

Nox, the Watchmaker (Wakfu)

There will never be another experience in my life as cathartic as watching the first season of Wakfu for the first time ever again.

On a later rewatch, the initial problems that you've noticed throughout the first half of the season and a little bit in the second half become too apparent to ignore, but the first time everything that goes from the ball tournament to the finale is one of the best paced arcs of television, and everything that happens when the team reaches the Sadida kingdom is just peak Wakfu.

And the king, the culprit, the crown jewel of properly paced stories and arcs is no other than the sad clockwork dilf himself: Noximilliem Coxen the Watchmaker.

Arguably, the greatest sympathetic villain of all time. There has never been another case of a character who has committed such vile, unspeakable crimes, and yet still managed to make me root for them while simultaneously not putting down the heroes.

And let's not be mistaken here, Nox is pretty evil:

Aside from the generic murder, Nox also defiled and stitched together the corpses of multiple victims and turned them into his obedient puppets in order to commit even more murder and genocide in order to achieve his goals.

Also, this is one of the funniest crimes Nox has committed: he abused his dog. It's really not that hilarious nor is it that important in the context of the show, but if you look back at it from an outside perspective then it's really like: Oh yeah. That happened too. Lol.

One of the best parts of his entire arc is his defeat. The "20 minutes" scene deserves a "One Villainous Scene" coverage video to forever immortalise it amongst the greatest. Everything from the music, the subversiveness, the cinematography, the voice acting and just the general art direction of it is worthy of an Eminem award at the Oscars, there's genuinely nothing wrong with this scene, it's truly immaculate.

Words alone cannot do justice to the treacherous, gut wrenching emotional rollercoaster that is experiencing his story for the first time. An hour long video essay would only serve to cover the basics and fundamentals, while for the real deal you need to watch the first season of Wakfu for yourself.

Number 2:

Bradford Buzzard (DuckTales 2017)

And now it's the perfect time to pull out my final wild card, the hole of the sink of my autism, the masterpiece of wasted potential that is Bradford Buzzard from the DuckTales remake of 2017.

When you'll also see the number 2 spot on my villainesses list, you'll come to realise that this spot is more of the "I really wish I could put this at number one but I can't because objectively he doesn't deserve it and the majority of things I love about him in canon were probably an afterthought and in fanon were never plausible to begin with."

And that's how I feel about Bradford Buzzard, an antagonist I spent more time thinking about than probably anybody else on the Earth.

The show runners were so genius for this: we are going to create an original character that will probably struggle to maintain a foot print on the franchise due to the way the Duck verse works, we'll give him an insanely cool backstory and motivation, all coupled with interesting character traits and ideology, we'll make him the ultimate foil to Scrooge McDuck that has been working with him for literal decades, we'll make him the one who has got the closest to isolating Scrooge and destroying his family, and THEN we'll turn him into a generic anime villain that shoots lasers and fumbles his own plan and loses because of insane plot armour and contrivance. Good job writers.

Anyway, I should probably make the case for why this guy ranks so highly in my mind to the point of almost taking the podium for my most liked villain of all time, especially when compared to the stiff competition that we just went through.

Now, part of it is just because this is a personal top 10 and so I can put whoever I want in whatever order I want. But also, with Bradford in particular, there's a personal aspect of relatability, various interests, and passions all coming together to make him stand out in my brain.

The thing is, I've had a pretty strong connection to Disney's Duck's comic books my entire life, even if my love for them came dwindling over time, so when I finally started watching the Reboot and it was amazing, all of that buried passion and love finally re emerged back to the surface, turning me into an annoying super fan. But while season 1 and 2 were great, season 3 actually gave me something to latch on for the rest of time even after the show had ended: the character of Bradford Buzzard.

You see, DuckTales, both in the shows and comics, always had a plethora of villains; from the crazy, megalomaniacal millionaires, to witches, demons, and other mythological creatures, to power hungry aliens, to straight up super-villains. But while all of that is true, there has never been another villain, aside from Magica, Glomgold and Rockerduck at traits, that was built specifically as the anti Scrooge McDuck, and even further, there has never been another antagonist who challenged the very core ideas and concepts of the entire franchise.

Bradford is like the Frank Grimes of DuckTales: just a regular, average, real world guy who's fed up with the nonsensical constant state at which their fictional universe operates and seeks to correct it in the most logical way possible. And while Frank was ultimately a victim of a world in which he couldn't conform, Bradford's outrageous and extreme plans and methods put him on everybody's hit list until he was left all alone, but not before indirectly causing every major disaster throughout the reboot's runtime.

A cold, calculating, machiavellian mastermind whose impact and presence secretly permeates the show, right till the very end.

Shame he wasn't written better.

And now, for the one and only,

Number 1:

Qilby (Wakfu)

Qilby is the biggest example of an anomaly that you could ever observe in a work of fiction. The first time experiencing a story is the most important and impactful moment of that story, as every future rewatch won't be as good as the first. In particular, this is an important aspect of twist villains, as they can only surprise you the first time, since at future rewatches the twist becomes predictable.

Furthermore, if the twist ends up ruining the character that was established up to this point, or it doesn't make any sense, then the story is kind of ruined and it only gets worse on future rewatches, since now you know that everything that you are seeing right now is ultimately worthless and doesn't provide any value.

So why do we love twist villains and keep churning them out? Well, you see, it's a matter of execution. A bad guy introduced in an unconventional manner is much more memorable than one introduced in a straightforward way; the twist can also serve to showcase different aspects of the character before becoming an obvious obstacle, be it quirks, interests, personality in casual settings, or cunning.

Let's not beat around the bush.

If Nox is the single greatest sympathetic villain of all time, then Qilby is by far the greatest twist villain of all time, and the crazy thing is, that he surprises you two times in a row, at first by revealing himself as more evil than you could ever imagine, and then, by outing himself as more complex than you could have ever anticipated.

Let me paint you the picture: you just finished the first season of Wakfu, and you are still pretty fresh of the hype surrounding Nox, so you think to yourself "Oh, now every future antagonist is ruined because nothing could ever top the emotional gut punch that I just went through. Whatever, I'm going to stick around just to see if the story gets worse" and you start the second season.

So far, everything is normal, even better of the first season in terms of engagement value, but you can't help but feel the lack of a Nox like figure inside of the story, but at this point, you just accept it.

Then the final six episodes roll around and OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING, HAS THE WHOLE SHOW JUST GONE INSANE?

Somehow, in some mystical, french, magical way, the season 2 finale is arguably even better than the ending of season 1 despite the fight having less buildup and introducing a lot of brand new characters and an entirely irrelevant faction into his conflict.

The entirety of the scene in Emrumb is some of the best writing I have ever experienced in any work of fiction, and the music accompanying it only accentuates the repressed dopamine being released after various episodes of filler, all of them important for this moment to be as impactful as it is.

Qilby is also just a great, tragic character, that is simultaneously an unforgivable bastard that tried to kill his family and doomed his entire race for a family trip, and a sad, nihilistic man still trying to reconcile his love for his family and his need for knowledge and discovery; his curse never truly allows him to move on or relate to others but his ego and need for his forgetful brothers attention just pushes him even further into resentment, ending up damaging himself and those around him, until he's finally isolated again by the vary people he harmed and showed his love towards.

He's as good as the evil secret sibling trope can get and I never get tired of watching him on screen. His reveal scene to Adamai still gives me the chills to this very day and demonstrated me just how good the surprise villain concept can get when it's executed correctly.

Just an all around great show.

[the-thursday]

Hello everyone, this post was long overdue, and finally, prompted by our beloved Howls also leaving, it's time for me to rip off the bandaid as well.

I would also like to announce a sort of departure from Ranger's apprentice fandom.

I do not know how many from RA fandom era from few years back are still here but I assume mostly newer blogs keep up with this account.

Take a lil history walk with me, if you will. I joined this fandom around 2017-18. I was very active around here, posting all kinds of stuff, fics, takes, incorrect quotes, art and whatnot. I made many friends with whom I had a great time and I am happy and honoured that I am friends with some of them till this day. Fandom became the second home to me as things hadn't been exactly easy irl and maybe I fixated on it too much, but gods know I loved this place so much. And I wish for everyone to experience this happiness and just as I made friends who became a significant part of my life, I wish that for you as well. Being surrounded by amazing and wonderful people and sharing similar interests is one of the most pure joyous feelings in this world.

As 2020-2021 rolled around, some of you know that things in my life picked up a harsh pace and I started to drift away. In 2021 I left the fandom because of that and unpleasant things with one of the people here. It was one of the most gut wrenching decisions I had made.

In 2022, I started gradually getting worse, but also had the courage to come back at the end of the year. I felt happy and welcomed and I am so grateful to everyone who made it happen, who supported me and gave me another breath. My mental health kept getting worse but I wasn't alone and that has been everything to me.

Now it's about a little more than a year since I've been back and again, I've met wonderful amazing people who I am happy and honoured to call friends. I don't regret coming back and I am happy I did, however I think it's time for me to go again. And below, I hope to explain why.

Like I said, I've been getting worse. Last autumn and this winter have been very difficult for me and I had to rethink some priorities, as life is going on the time left for me to invest in fandoms is getting thinner and thinner. Unfortunately, among them, isn't keeping up with this fandom. With my next words I hope not to insult anyone. The truth is, I don't find enjoyment in the fandom and content itself anymore, or more like, as much as I used to. I don't exactly vibe with posts for roughly the past half a year and I don't mean this in negative way, I just think it's for me to move on. All of the new people that I've seen have wonderful content and while I don't exactly vibe like I used to, I can see that you're having fun and that's important! People come and go and I do wish all the newcomers and seniors who are still here to have a great time, but I don't think I have energy, capacity and vibes to be part of it anymore. As you know, my blog has been very much inactive for a long time, aside from dumping my dumb sketches or reblogging something here and there. And rather than letting it rot, I'd like to cleanly move on. Anyhow, on self deprecating note, since really it's not like I've been someone prominent I don't think this is a loss to the fandom and this makes it easier for me.

So to summarise, my leaving is about personal things, my life moving and the fact I don't have the mental capacity or motivation to actively keep up.

So what does this mean? I won't be posting RA related stuff on this blog anymore. This blog will turn into a neutral main blog and I'll create one side blog for art that I hope to continue to make and maybe one blog dedicated to the work of Brandon Sanderson.

However, it doesn't mean that I am not up to goof around about RA anymore, however this will be done in DMs. If I sometimes get to draw and post RA related art, it shall be posted on my new art blog with RA tag. However, I don't think there's a high probability of public RA art from me anymore, because 1) need to move on and 2) I have a very strong and maybe confrontational opinion about art in this fandom that has given me a bad taste and discouraged me from enjoying making it and posting it. I won't go into details because I don't want to sour this post for myself and for y'all with it.

I want to thank this fandom for everything it has been for me and for everyone and I wish y'all some happy fandoming!

Yours only,

The Ranger Thursday 11

[simsim54]

2017: You are 13 and your friend introduces you to a song, and makes you learn it’s lyrics and then asks you to hear it in real life and then you, go to a cousin’s home just to listen that one song on youtube, and the moment you ears fill with those voices calling singing what makes you beautiful and the moment your eyes land on those 5 boys you are gone for life, but in that moment you don’t know that, you are just experiencing your first crush or first five crushes.

2018: You are 14 and your life has changed, you are obsessed with a band called one direction and listening to their music is your entire personality, you know everything about them, you know every song, you know their birthdays, their blood groups, the time and place and even weight of their births, you know what they like and what they don’t, you’ve watched every video there exists of those 5 boys and you are in love, you are also heartbroken because you know that the band is on a 18 month hiatus and you came to know of them only after they had broken up, you weren’t there when one of the boys left, but your heart still aches at that very thought.

2019: You are 15 and you know that 18 months was a lie, but you don’t let that deter you, you are still as obsessed, you’ve now started following all the boys solo career and spend your days making playlists for all your moods, you sing strip that down out loud every time you take a bath, you are hooked on back to you, flicker and sign of the times make you cry so much and i don’t wanna live forever makes you feel like you are part of dark romance story, you have a fan account now on both instagram and twitter and there you’ve meet the most amazing people who match your level of crazy, you celebrate 10 years of one direction and wish you had known them longer.

2020: You are 16 and the world has gone to shit, you are stuck inside your house and people all around you are dying and it sucks because you don’t know if you would be next, but there is still hope for there is one british boy from the band you love so much, who is doing virtual concerts and while you know you can not really afford the tickets of real concerts these you can, so you beg your mother, give up all you savings, and then you buy a ticket, you are so excited and the day comes and it is the best day ever, you have not known happiness like that before, you make your little brother sit with you and watch the whole show and make him fall in love with the man on the stage just like i did 4 years back, once it ends you cry but you are also left with hope knowing that somehow you will make through the pandemic.

2021: You are 17 and life has been tough, you’re still stuck inside your house, but it is easier now, you’ve learnt how to live like this, and you know that even when things get tough there are some people out there whose voices make everything better, school is kicking your ass but you still find time watch the video diaries and find your laughter in theirs, you make a bucket list for yourself and write all the things you want to do before you die and the first thing on the list is that you want to see the boys perform live, just once, you want to meet the people who taught you to live.

2022: You are 18 and are now in college, it is tough and there are days that you are so tired that you don't even have the energy to charge your phone, studies are so hard and the only way you can concentrate is if made in the am is blasting in the background on full volume, you don't really post on your fan account anymore, but you open it from time to time just to check on the family you made there, you listen to there new music and makes you so proud and excited for all the success they are gaining for they deserve it so much, you are an adult now and it's been 12 years of one direction and you are sill hoping for a reunion, even if it seems unlikely now.

2023: You are 19 and you've started to feel a bit old, you meet someone who does not know who one direction is and you are shook at the fact that you along with your boys are so old now, but you also know that is just life, you've started writing stories a lot in your free time, most of which are based on lyrics for 1d song, you even manage to get an award for a story you wrote based on live forever, if only you knew back then how much listening to that song will hurt the future you, you are still a directioner but you are more of a harrie, louie, lover, payno and zsquad, and even if it hurts you are also happy because this is what makes your boys happy and that's what matters the most doesn't it?

2024: Your are 20 and you’ve heard the most devastating news of ever, you’ve spent the entire night finishing your assignment and you are finally winding up and you get an email and the headline stares at you while you stare at it right back, you are not ready to accept it, you just saw his story an hour back, but your brain knows that it’s the truth, so you are crying, silent sobs for you don’t want anyone to wake up and get worried, you are checking all the social media sites and it’s everywhere and now there’s a hole in your heart that nothing will ever fill, you text your friend, the very friend who introduced you to them 7 years back, the very friend with whom you have planned to attend every single 1d members concert, but she is asleep and you don’t call her because you want her to get the sleep you know you won’t, so you just lie there on your bed staring up at your ceilings with your tears gathering on the pillow under your head, you watch the sun come up and you hear you mom call you to wake up and you do and then you check your phone again because you still hope it was a lie, it is not, and you see and read things you wish you hadn’t, you turn off your phone after that, you tell your mom what happened when she asks what happened on seeing your red eyes, she tells you she is sorry and that hurts more because you’ve lost something you never really had and even your mom knows how much this is affecting you, you put on a brave face and try to get through the day but you end up crying alone in your college's washroom because you just can't stop thinking about, by the time the day ends you are so exhausted from crying, from thinking, from everything, you were happy to be in a world where liam payne existed even if he did not know about you, but now you have to live in a world where he doesn't exist at all, and it's all gone, all your plans for the future of meeting him, of watching him perform in front of your eyes, of getting to hug him and maybe take a picture, but he is gone, and one direction is gone, for one direction can not ever exist without him, and nothing else matters anymore.

rest in peace, liam payne, you were loved, so much

[mediademon]

I DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE (2017)

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Scotch | Restaurant AU

Kyle and Nina's relationship, aged for five years.

tw: angst, mention of sexual assault and aftermath, self harm, familial death, injury

June 2017

"You enlisted?" Her jaw was tight, keeping the muscles firm to stop herself from crying.

"Yeah... I just don't know what I want to do and I need more time." They'd just finished their A-levels. One last summer before University.

"You can take a fucking gap year, Kyle!" She sat down on his bed, head in her hands

"I just need to be doing something. You see all that shite on the news!"

"So you're going to stop Al-Qatala? Is that it?"

"Of course not!"

It felt like he put a knife in her belly and twisted it. He, out of anyone, should have known how that uniform makes her feel. That she grew up in fear of it, hid herself from it, resented it.

"You said we'd go to uni together." It was happening again. It was them against the world until it was due for the next life stage and he'd leave her behind. Like when they were kids and as soon as they hit double digits he didn't want to be friends with a girl anymore. He was turning eighteen and didn't want a girlfriend anymore. Didn't want her.

"I was never going to get into the same schools as you, Neen. You're incredible and work hard."

"So do you. It's not like I'm going to Cambridge. It's Queen Mary. You can get in. I'll go to a different school if I have to. I'm studying fucking English literature. It's not hard to find a program." She pleaded.

"I'm not going to hold you back."

"You're not." Her voice finally breaking down into a cry.

"Hey, hey. Nim. Look at me." he knelt down in front of her. "Nothing is going to change. You're still my best friend."

Friend

"Are you breaking up with me?" She looked up at him, trembling.

His reassuring smile was replaced with a more embarrassed look.

"I won't ask you to wait for me all that time."

Four years was the minimum. Once he enlisted they had him for four years. She'd have graduated by then. All her future plans turned to fantasy. She wanted to graduate together, move in together, date for a few more years, travel, get engaged, get married. She would have waited for him.

She got up, contorting uncomfortably to avoid touching him.

"I'm just gonna go." She started to gather up her things.

"Nina... I love you. That's not what this about. You deserve more than me being away all that time."

"You never had to leave in the first place." She slammed his bedroom door, ignoring his little sister's peaking from down the hall and his mum's calling to ask if everything was okay. She didn't slam the front door, she wouldn't do that to Mrs. Garrick.

She started to sob as she closed their front gate. She walked towards the woods. Trudged through the underbrush and leaf litter left from last Autumn.

They built a fort out here years ago. Saved up pocket money, raided rubbish bins. Built a little wooden box. She was sure only they knew about it. She never found evidence to the contrary. It still stood out there, hidden under old ivy and branches.

She crawled inside and pulled her knees to her chest. She never told Kyle this was where she always went to cry. Her father hated the sound of crying, would turn into a spectacle in front of the whole family for you to explain why you were so upset. She couldn't admit that Kyle had dumped her again.

She chewed at the skin around her nails till the blood stained her nails.

He was sent to basic training a week later. She never said goodbye. Her mum said he'd stopped by one day.

"Kyle said he'll write to you while he's gone and answer if you called."

September 2017 - June 2018

She went to London alone. It was fine until it wasn't. She met a boy that reminded her of Kyle until he didn't. It was a party for the return of term after Christmas holiday. He said he would take her home. She just wanted to go home.

She tried not to blame herself but all her new friends turned against her. He said that she lied about it because she was actually cheating on him. That she was slut. He was so much more popular than her.

She could call Kyle but they hadn't talked in months. She spent so many nights starring at her phone, her hand overing over his name in her contacts.

She stopped going to class. One of her professor's reached out, asked if she was okay, offered to let her turn in things late. She felt too ashamed to answer their email, letting it rot in her inbox while her assignments sat unfinished on her desktop.

She failed everything of course. She couldn't go home. Her parents wouldn't ask how class went, they'd want to see them. She told them she would buy her own train ticket home and then never did.

She packed her things and went to Price's flat. Showing up like a stray dog.

"You can talk to me, you know. I'm not your dad but I care about you, Nina. Whatever you tell me, it'll be between us."

She felt like she had an aura of victimhood around her. Was it that obvious?

She stayed the Summer, learning how to cook and bake. It kept her mind off things. Made the excuse that Price needed a flat sitter while he was deployed or at training.

August 2018

"I'm back for a couple weeks. I was wondering if I could stop by and see you." It had only been a year but he sounded so much more grown. She wondered if he looked different. She knew she did.

"I'm not at home. I'm still in London. I er... I'm staying with Price. Like housesitting, I guess."

"Would it be okay if I came to visit? I can get a hotel or find a mate to stay with. Some guys in my unit have families nearby and I just really want to see you Nina."

She clenched her jaw tightly. Would he be disappointed in her? She failed, she hadn't told anyone she hadn't registered for Autumn yet and most likely wouldn't. She wanted to see him.

She was incredibly lonely. More than ever. Price was wonderful but he was twenty years her senior and the friends he had over for dinner even more so. She wanted her best friend.

"Let me ask Price."

Price said he could stay. She'd moved to a cot in the unused second bedroom. Kyle could take the couch. As long as they behaved Price said he could stay.

Kyle looked grown. He looked bigger, muscles built up, he stood up straighter. He was so gorgeous standing out in front of building. She was a sailor seeing land for the first time in months. She ran down the front steps and threw herself into his arms.

"I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry." He hugged her to his chest. He smelled the same, his heart sounded the same, his voice calmed her the same. That's what mattered.

They went on a walk after he dropped his things off.

"I did it on a whim, you know. I never wanted to hurt you. I just panicked and that was it. I'm sorry I broke my promise."

"It's okay. I just... I always feel like I'm a second choice and I felt like I must have done something wrong to make you leave." She bit down on her trembling lip.

Kyle cupped her cheeks, using his thumb to pull her lip down from between her teeth.

"You didn't do anything, Nina. I thought you every day. I kept trying to write but I didn't know what to say beyond i miss you and it just never felt good enough. I didn't call because I was afraid you wouldn't answer."

"I'm sorry for not reaching out either. I missed you and I'd met this guy and..." She could tell him right here in this park. She'd just gotten him back. She'd been telling herself it wasn't her fault. What if he thought differently? He was already slipping from her grasp like water. She left her sentence unended.

"I get it...are you and him still together?" His gaze darted around, avoiding putting her on the spot.

"No." She shook her head. She was so small. She was small and scared and the ground was crumbling all around her. She made the leap into his arms, crying into his chest. Let him think that it was just her broken heart. "He wasn't you..."

2019

It didn't have a label. Too much time between seeing each other to really call it dating but neither would have sought out different partners when they were separated. It was nice honestly.

She liked being the thing he came back to. Despite his best efforts she was always waiting for him. She never minded. Picking him up at the airport was always the best part of any season.

She never went back to Uni. Told her parents she wanted a gap year or two or three. She fully moved into Price's spare room, got a job at a local cafe, paid him rent.

Kyle was allowed to stay with her in her room when he was around.

She cried the first time they tried to have sex again. Blamed it on hormones. The second time was better. Third they actually finished. Fourth time she cried again.

"You alright, Neen?" He rubbed his nose against her shoulder.

"Just in my head too much, I guess." He kissed her cheek.

"You can talk to me."

"I'm okay. I promise."

The fifth time was better.

October 2021

Price asked her to help him open a restaurant. His forced retirement left him without much to do during the day. He entrusted her with a lot. She felt proud of her work. She liked being proud of something, hearing Price's praise.

It was October 25th. They hoped to be opened before Christmas, preferably late November.

It was her, Price and Simon, the only other employee at the time. Nina was sketching out various layouts for front of house. Price was behind the bar, preparing another wine tasting for the three of them. Simon was making family dinner in the back.

There was a rumble and all the glass in the building shook. She looked up at Price.

"Explosion" he muttered. They sat in silence as sirens picked up, crying a cruel sad song. Simon came out from the back. Her heart sank hearing distant screaming.

Their phones went off in a buzzing alarm. Explosion and shooting at Piccadilly. Her hands started shaking.

She'd talked to Kyle only a couple days before. He said he was going to be working in London for a little bit. He could be there. He could be dead already. He could be dying right now.

She kept refreshing twitter, scanning photos and videos for him. Price sat down next to her, rubbing her back.

"He'll call you as soon as he can."

"What if he never does?"

His mum called later that night. He was hurt in the initial explosion and was in hospital. She and his dad were driving down but it would be hours before they got there. Nina was out the door within seconds.

She and his family took shifts watching over him. Burns on his arms and chest, broken wrist, ribs and femur but no brain damage. He was groggy, eyes opening to scan the room before falling back asleep. She held his hand as much as she could. Sometimes when he woke up, he'd see her and squeeze her hand.

He'd stay with her and Price while recovering and doing physical therapy. His military career was over though. He stared at their bedroom wall alot. Price did the same when he was medically discharged. Unable to think of what to do with himself, all structure gone from his life. Left only with pain, scars a leg that twitched.

"I don't think I deserve you." He said as she fluffed up his pillows.

"What do you mean?" She frowned.

"You're too good to me."

"I love you. When you love someone you take care of them."

"You're making me blush." He took her hand and kissed it. "I'll pay you back someday."

April 2022

"You have to move out someday." Kyle said, kissing her forehead. He'd gotten a flat with two other guys he met in the army. It was nice and they, surprisingly, had more privacy here than at Price's, where she still lived. He wanted them to move in together. They'd been officially dating again for over a year.

"I like paying very low rent." She kissed his chest, careful of his burn scars. He chuckled.

"Yeah but in our place I could fuck you whenever I wanted."

"Whenever you want?"

"Whenever we want." He gave her arse a squeeze. "My lease ends in August."

"I'd like to move in with you." She smiled. Her fantasies seemed within reach.

June 2022

She was working front of house. It was a grueling summer afternoon. She'd gotten into a fight with her mum earlier that week over not coming on the family vacation.

"You haven't been home in so long. Seb misses you."

"He can come to London."

"Your father doesn't like London, you know that."

"He should get over it."

"I just want you to come. Spend time with your family. We want you here."

"Didn't know we was singular now."

"Nina."

"Mum."

She walked around, checking in on all the tables. Kate came up to her.

"Price needs to talk to you in his office." She looked sad.

As she walked away she heard Kate tell Cleo and Nova to tell people they were closing early.

Price's office was in the basement of the building. Stuffy and dark but cooler than anywhere else except the walk in.

"Sit down, love." His head was in his heads, he didn't even glance up at her.

"Am I getting fired?" She joked, sitting down across from him. Price looked up at her. She'd never seen him cry before. Her stomach dropped, probably landing in some abandoned catacomb beneath them.

He got up and knelt down in front of her.

"I got a call." He took her hands between his. She was shaking and she didn't know why. "There was an accident down near Brighton."

"Don't..." She shook her head. They were just hurt. Nothing else. Just hurt, even severly maybe but they weren't...no...they couldn't be.

"They're gone, love. I'm so sorry, Nina but they're all gone."

Kyle heard Nina scream from the dining room. It made his blood run cold. He sprinted out of the kitchen and down toward's Price's office.

She was hunched over, head between her knees, wailing in pain. Price was knelt in front of her, rubbing her back and knees.

"Kyle's here, love." Price, moved to the side so Kyle could kneel in front of her. He pressed his head to hers. She blindly reached out to grab his arms, holding tight enough to leave bruises.

"I got you. I got you."

It was his turn to take care of her now. Because he loved her and that's what you did for the people you loved.

the time line might be a little fucky so forgive me, I'm bad at math

Tag List: @queen-ilmaree @macravishedbymactavish @gogh-with-the-flow @water-bearz @pvssytrux

[cloudmonarch43]

[ID in alt text, repeated below the cut]

My to-watch list is pretty short now and it's not especially satisfying to write about movies while trying not to say too much about what happens in them, plus I barely like Instagram anymore (where these posts are focused), so it'll probably at least be a while before there's another post like this. But never you think that I don't want to talk about movies!! (Oops, I never noticed I wrote the wrong year for Alien. It's right in the alt text because I typed it all first and then copied it down!)

Image 1:

Saw (2004) is a very silly movie that manages to stay enjoyable the whole way through. Aside from a few good bits, I didn't like Saw II (2005). There were too many characters, underdeveloped, so that even in context it just felt cruel to kill them off. I like engaging with the mechanisms of the games, and yeah the point of the games is violence, but the second movie felt like it didn't care about the game part. It made some good moves as a sequel, but the first one was a lot more fun.

Rather than telling me a story, Dirty Dancing (1987) felt like it was telling me about a story. I liked watching the dancing, and I liked the story that was being summarized, so I liked the movie, but it was strange how much of it just felt like information. Even though the plot was a bit convenient, the great variety of relationships made it feel like a genuine world.

The first time I watched I Saw the TV Glow (2024), I didn't know what I was in for; I kind of stumbled home in a daze of delight and sadness. Movies are such a capacious medium and I love it when that potential is actually used. It also feels good to watch something where the queer interpretation is not just a side effect yet it's still abstract and metaphorical.

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021) is a super effective movie about watching other people's videos. In reviews I saw, I thought people credited it with a lot that wasn't actually there—only a place was set, which the viewer automatically filled. It didn't resonate with me as much, but I think it's cool to be put through the same sort of process as the characters.

[pencil sketch for Dirty Dancing of Johnny and Baby dancing]

Image 2:

Pretty much everything I wrote in my journal about The Sixth Sense (1999) is using it as a comparison to clarify other things, so I don't know what to say about it on its own. I enjoyed watching it.

After that I rewatched some stuff.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) is great. It really lets you sink in, and there's a lot to sink into, both visually and conceptually.

Blade Runner (1982) seemed more self-contained and a lot easier to follow this time through. I liked it overall but it's so bleak. I guess it's supposed to make me think about what it means to be human but "either you're a cop or a little guy" is the undisputed thesis statement I heard.

The Thing (1982) remains one of my top favorite movies (which is a list I haven't written, but "I Saw the TV Glow" is on it too). I hadn't even remembered a solid half of the great special effects moments because there's just so many.

Alien (1979) didn't work out as well. I still think it's a good movie, but it turns out a lot of what I liked about it was the suspense that doesn't hold up when I know what's going to happen. I know people love to analyze this movie but it's just not catching me that way.

Challengers (2024) is all about three random people I don't have any reason to care about... plus I don't care about tennis. It's not really my kind of movie. That said, it's just about as satisfying as it could possibly be.

[pencil sketch for 2001: A Space Odyssey of an EVA pod]

Image 3:

Pulse (2001) is really sad. What if the loneliness was never ending! It's a high quality, coherent representation, and then it just exists and there's nothing you can do about it. (Also it definitely should have been called Circuit.)

I watched Happy Death Day (2017) because I love time loops a lot. It didn't give me more than that, but it was easy enough to sit through. I think it could've pushed its concepts further but at least it didn't fall apart.

Of course then I had to rewatch Groundhog Day (1993), which I'd mostly forgotten, and I was delighted to discover that this movie rocks. It's efficient, covering a lot of ground without feeling distant or dense, and it really felt convincing.

Nightcrawler (2014) is brutal, unforgiving, and a great movie. Lou isn't a defeatable villain; he's a concentration. This movie refuses to lie, and that feels good even though the things it's saying don't.

[pencil sketch for Pulse of Ryosuke kneeling next to Harue, who is hugging herself]

[starlightyellow]

Two Sides, Same Coin (TMNT Short)

Thanks for reading!

Author's Note: This story is set in the 2012-2017 animated series. However, the fight scene in this short is based on a clip from the 2007 TMNT animated film. I feel the 2007 film is underrated, so if you haven't seen it I would highly recommend it. Other refs to diffrent movies and series will be involved so I hope you guys enjoy.

"This isn't about you, Raph! This is for the betterment of the team, for Sensei. So what, I had been sneaking around to help Karai take down the Foot? Our main goal was to take down any threats to our collective safety!"

Leo and Raphel had been sparring and arguing for hours. News finally broke at the lair that Leo had been sneaking around behind the team's back. Without fail, just like with all of Leo's decisons, Raphael couldn't just let it go. He pounced on him the minute he found his older brother was alone, training.

"Yeah, you're right. It's not about me, it's about us! It's about the team that you lead. The brothers and friends who willingly stand beside you and heed your orders, only to be repaid with a control freak who feels he can step out whenever he wants!" Raphael lunges at Leo, catching his leg with a thin slice of his sai. Leo groans, taking a swift knee before kicking his leg out hard behind him. Raph had tried to lunge while he was down, but Leo's foot connected with the front of his brother's plastron, sending him fumbling across the training room.

“You call what you do heeding my orders? Time and time again if you’re not whining about not being the leader, it’s because you have to listen to me! I don't get to step out when I want because I'm consistently running after one of you. Fixing the team's mistakes. I don't get the luxury of not being a control freak, because no matter what I'm responsible for you.”

Raph scrubs a hand down his face in frustration. He growls as he chucks his sais at Leo as hard as he could. Leo drops to the floor, both sai grazing each temple before lodging themselves into the tree behind him. The leaves shake vigorously upon impact.

“So that's what this is about? High and mighty Leo, everybody! The leader thinks his followers are too stupid to handle themselves!”

“You know what, Raph? You want to hear me say it so bad? Fine. Let’s walk through just how stupid I think you are. Aren't you the same brother who mutated his pet turtle, who tried to kill our entire family because of angry half truths you told him? Aren't you the same brother who consistently quits on this team when he doesn't get his way? Aren't you the same brother that almost allowed a girl-”

“You shut your mouth, Leonardo.”Raph’s voice was dangerously low as he crouched down once more, preparing to pounce once his older brother let it slip.

“Who almost allowed a girl he met once to trade us off for her home planet and you couldn't pull it together for the team because your little feelings were hurt!” Leo’s world spins as Raph tackles him to the ground. Leo throws his arms up in an attempt to cover his face as his brother wails on him.

"Here we go! Raph is throwing a temper tantrum because he can't take the TRUTH!" Leo brings his knees to his chest, launching Raph across the room once more. Raphael rams into the training dummy left out from earlier, slicing a gash in his shoulder from the splintered wood.

"And the truth is, I am better than you. That's why Sensei chose me."

Leo carefully pulls himself to his feet, clutching his bum arm slightly as he leaves the dojo. Raph looks up a Leo with a look of malice. Like in that moment, Raph had decided that maybe they weren't brothers anymore.

And Leo... well, he didn't care. Raphael is going to villanize him no matter how hard he tries to fight it. There's not amount of reassuring someone who's already made up their mind. To Leo, Raphael had made his mind up long ago about the type of teammate he was goin to be. What type of brother he was going to be. Leo couldn't change that jealousy or anger even if he wrung it out of his brother with his bare hands.

Raphael’s body starts to shake as he stands, his head down as he right himself. At first, Leo feels bad about making him cry, but he quickly realizes Raph is… laughing.

“You know what, Leo? Yeah, I did do those things. I do allow my emotions to get in the way of the bigger picture. The belief that you’re better is a mistaken one, brother. You’re jealous. Jealous that I’m not looking for Sensei’s approval-“

Leo groans as he throws his hands up. “Oh, give me a break Raph!”

“-and jealous that we have the freedom to be a kid and you don’t! That’s why you punish us by being over controlling and speaking for the group!” Raph picks up a dummy and throws it at Leo, who narrowly missed the strike.

“When we had the chance to be human, you made that choice for us instead of with us. You willlingly kept that possibility out of our grasp-“

“Because how well of a choice would that have been?!” Leo cuts him of in agitation. “How happy would you have been as a human if the entire world as we know it was decimated? Even if that wasn’t the case, how happy could you have been being 16 with no education, no parents, and three other minor siblings? Foster care would’ve been a walk in the park, for sure.” Leo snaps sarcastically.

“Those were our options to weigh out for ourselves, Leonardo! You don’t get to make choices for other people’s lives!” Another peice of training equipment is thrown, but this time off to the side.

“I do make decisions for the life of my team. So if that means we can’t cast a vote for every little thing then so be it. You’re a selfish teammate and a terrible brother, Raphael. This conversation is over.”

As he turns to leave the training room, Leo pauses in the walkway and turns to look at Raphael, a dark look cast in his eyes. Leonardo steeled his gaze at his younger brother, despite detecting the hurt under his anger.

''If your not going to respect my role as our leader, I don't want you on my team." Leo turns and walks away, flinching at the sound of training equipment being thrown around the room.

He had to get to Donnie's lab for his shoulder. Raphael could just sort himself out like he always did, and he'll come back around. For a moment, he felt guilty. Until he thought back on what Karai said tonight on their stakeout.

Of course, you are their leader. But you have to be something outside of that, Leonardo. Unless that’s the only thing you ever want to be.

That’s when he decided not to care one more. Raphael is only mad he couldn’t make his dramatic exit like he always does. It’s time for Raph to grow up, on the team or not.

"You think you're better than ME?!" Raphael roars and he lifts another training dummy over his head and hurls it into the base of the tree in the center of the room. Cracked wood, splintered peices, and broken training supplies lay scattered around Raph. He knew it. He knew that little shit thought he was better.

I’ll show Leonardo who’s better.

[pixies-and-poets]

In hindsight the Rabbids didn’t actually “steal” the Rayman series. As a kid I thought that but the actual answer is pretty mundane.

Every main Rayman game from Rayman 1 all the way to Rayman Legends has always been developed by Ubisoft Montpellier and Michel Ancel. Ubisoft Montpellier only developed 2 of the Rabbids games. Rayman Raving Rabbids and Rabbids Go Home. That’s only 2 entries in the Rabbids series which is nothing really. Keep in mind Rayman RR was originally Rayman 4 before they scrapped it.

Every other Rabbids game was made by Ubisoft Paris or other divisions of Ubisoft mainly by the studios who made the Just Dance series. Which makes sense cause most Rabbids games were mini game collection that were simple to create.

So what held Rayman up? From what I’ve seen nothing really tho the closest answer is likely that both Michel Ancel and Ubisoft Montpellier we’re busy on Beyond Good and Evil it was announced in 2008 and likely the entire team were focused on that. However if you know development trouble happened which held the studio up for quite some time. It was temporarily shelved which gave Ancel time to make Origins and Legends then he went back to BG&E 2 after Legends in 2017 where it was reintroduced but is now in development hell to this day.

Yep. I was young in an era when a major entry in my favorite game franchises could come out every year, or every other year. As I've gotten older, game dev has gotten more and more complex and lengthy due to a variety of factors. My awareness of that fact lagged behind the reality of it happening, but I am quite aware of it now, largely due to watching a lot of videos, reading a lot of articles and even having some friends at major studios.

I'm a Donkey Kong fan. Why has there been no new DK game in a decade? Has Nintendo totally given up on one of their major franchises? No, the rumors are that they leased it out to a third party studio, changed their minds, and started over in-house as they have a new vision for the DK series that they want to oversee. What's going on with Metroid Prime 4? Who knows. The game industry is such a mess I'm amazed we get any truly great passion projects out of major studios at all.

It's not as simple as "People want thing, make more of thing!" If fans want something, there are devs out there who want to make it too. Maybe even people for whom that series inspired them to get into the industry. But that doesn't mean it's going to end up happening. Still, it's why I think Rayman in the Phantom Show is so great, because the devs (at least a lot of the creative team) really did want to make it.

I feel like the idea that the Rabbids stole Rayman's franchise, and that Rayman died so the Rabbids could live, exists in that knowledge gap before understanding how complex everything is. Maybe it made sense for a time, but it really doesn't hold up to scrutiny now. Things aren't really a zero sum game like that, and so much has happened in the intervening years to contradict this idea.

It is funny, in my stream we were talking about how people don't really harp on this narrative so much anymore, with good reason... Only to have the most stereotypical "RABBIDS SUCK AND RAYMAN DESERVES BETTER" gamer show up like thirty minutes later, lol. Well, people will cling to the stories that help them make sense of the world, I suppose... Even if it makes them unhappy.

[xomaleyaxo]

R2 → SOLO ALBUM

Name: Catharsis

Meaning: The process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

Released: March 20th, 2024 (Also known as International day of Happiness)

Message for Fans:

"To my beloved fans, who have stood by me through every twist and turn, I dedicate this album to you. My hope is that, together, we can release the grip of past hurts and shed the weight of our shared experiences. May this catharsis be the beginning of a more beautiful chapter in all our lives. Thank you for being my constant companions on this incredible journey."

Track list + Meaning's behind songs:

*I have changed some of the lyrics to fit my OC and her story*

1- R.I.P 2 My Youth

"R.I.P. to my youth, And you could call this the funeral, I'm just telling the truth, yeah You can play this at my funeral, Tell my sister don't cry and don't be sad, I'm in paradise with dad, Close my eyes and then cross my arms, Put me in the dirt, let me dream with the stars"

This song was written in 2018 when Mirae was experiencing a challenging period, dealing with criticism from various corners of the internet and sensing that she had matured too quickly. The lyrics explored themes of growing up, confronting challenges, and reflecting on the inevitable changes that accompany the passage of time. In an interview discussing the song, she expressed how it served as the best outlet for her to escape those emotions, allowing her to pour her feelings into the music.

2- Making The Bed

"And I tell someone I love them just as a distraction, They tell me that they love me like I'm some tourist attraction, They're changin' my machinery and I just let it happen, I got the things I wanted, it's just not what I imagined"

This song was written in 2019 during a period of heightened success for Blackpink, where they were becoming more recognized and well-known. Mirae, amidst reaching new career heights, found herself feeling trapped. Despite achieving professional success, her personal life was at its lowest point. Amid all the attention, she experienced a profound sense of loneliness, realizing that despite being surrounded by people, no one truly understood her.

3- Idontwannabeyouanymore

"If "I love you" was a promise Would you break it, if you're honest? Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before I-I don't wanna be you, I don't wanna be you I don't wanna be you, anymore"

Originally written in 2015 when she was giving her all to pursue her dream and finally debut, but the challenges of being away from home for extended periods and enduring countless long days were taking a toll on her. Sick and tired of embodying this version of herself, she wrote these lyrics in her journal. She rediscovered them in 2017 and completed the song that day, feeling immensely proud as her emotions were raw and deeply emotional.

4- The Last Time ft. TAEYANG

"This is the last time I'm asking you this, Put my name at the top of your list, This is the last time I'm asking you why, You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye"

In 2021, she composed this song upon hearing about her sister's relationship struggles and the immense effort she was putting into making it work with her boyfriend. Initially, she shared the song with her sister but decided against releasing it as it felt like it was missing something. Then, when Youngbae approached her for a collaboration, she brought up this song, and he loved it. They ended up recording for it that night after rewriting some parts and she couldn't be more proud of the outcome.

5- The Other Side

"We are buried in broken dreams, We are knee-deep without a plea, I don't want to know what it's like to live without you, Don't want to know the other side of a world without you"

Written in 2019 after Hanbin ended their relationship due to his scandal, she poured her heartbreak onto the pages of her journal as a way of releasing her emotions. Hanbin, her first love and long-time friend, had become an integral part of her life, and the prospect of living without him left her feeling lost and hurt. Despite her desire to stand by him and offer support during his challenging times, he had cut her off completely, leaving her scared about facing life without him. Initially hesitant due to the rawness of the emotions, she ultimately decided to include the song in the album as a way of sharing her genuine self with her fans.

6- The one

"But we were something, don't you think so? Early 20s, tossing pennies in the pool, And if my wishes came true, It would've been you, In my defense, I have none, For never leaving well enough alone, But it would've been fun, If you would've been the one"

Written in 2021 after she had finally felt fully moved on from Hanbin and looked back on the relationship in a more positive light. Despite their bad ending, she was grateful to have experienced a good first love and was thankful for all he taught her. Despite moving on from the relationship, she still did feel that if it had all worked out and the scandal hadn't happen, they still would have probably been together and he would have been the one.

7- Just Like Magic

"Good karma, my aesthetic (my aesthetic) Keep my conscience clear, that's why I'm so magnetic Manifest it (ooh), I finessed it (ooh) Take my pen and write some letters to heaven"

Written in 2020 during a moment of reflection, she wrote this song to focus on finding the good in each day. The lyrics delve into the concept of manifestation, expressing her desire to prioritize self-focus. Rather than dwelling on negativity, she wishes to spread love and light to other around her. The line "Writing letters to heaven" was included by her as a remembrance of her father. It symbolizes her belief that he is always by her side, ready to assist in making her manifestations come true.

8- Dancing With Our Hands Tied

"I, I loved you in secret, First sight, yeah, we love without reason, Oh, twenty-five years old, Oh, how were you to know, and My, my love had been frozen, Deep blue, but you painted me golden"

" I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?"

In 2023, Mirae wrote this song to commemorate her and Mingyu's first anniversary, a time when everything seemed to be going splendidly. Despite the immense happiness she felt, a lingering fear persisted—one day, the media might uncover their relationship, and thrust them into the challenging reality of managing a high-profile relationship in an unforgiving industry. The options would be stark: either confront and navigate the consequences or retreat into a secret relationship. Given her profound love for Mingyu, Mirae was unwilling to jeopardize their bond. The metaphor of dancing with their hands tied in the song conveys the profound sense of helplessness, an inability to alter their circumstances despite the intensity of their love. In the face of an apparent doom, the couple endeavors to make the most of their time together, cherishing every moment as they navigate the complexities of their high-profile relationship. When she played it for him the first time, Mingyu fell in love with the song and despite its deep meaning, it became his favorite as he too felt those same emotions from time to time but he knew that he would go through every obstacle just to be with her.

9- Daylight

"I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, And I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you, I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night, And now I see daylight, I only see daylight"

In 2023, after returning home from a vacation with Mingyu, Mirae penned this song as a heartfelt tribute to him. The lyrics convey the profound impact he has had on her life, transforming her days into brighter and happier experiences. In contrast to past relationships that left her feeling unsuccessful and unlucky, meeting Mingyu brought a golden hue to her existence. The song reflects her desire to focus solely on him and their shared happiness, leaving behind the shadows of the past.

10- Only

"My only one, when I see you I want to lean on you, I want to have you A love like this would make, Even the most immature dream come true Now I believe, Every step we take, It's like a dance we perform together, My, oh my, oh my, oh, my love, Be my only love"

In late 2023, following Mingyu's heartwarming meeting with Mirae's mother and siblings, she found herself overwhelmed with emotions, convinced that Kim Mingyu was her forever love. Witnessing the beautiful bond between him and her family inspired her to express her deep feelings through a song, a musical testament to their connection. Driven by the desire to be his and his alone, Mirae initially intended to keep the song as a birthday surprise for Mingyu. However, the anticipation and excitement got the best of her, and during the festive Christmas season, Mirae decided to reveal the song to Mingyu. His genuine and joyful reaction convinced her that this song held a special place in their story. Impressed by the overwhelming positive response from Mingyu, she made the bold decision to include the song in her upcoming album and even selected it as the title track. Fans eagerly awaited the album's release after getting a glimpse of the heartfelt and personal track, eager to experience the full emotional journey that Mirae had poured into her music.

A/N- Will be posting a part 2 for the Only Mv and Visuals!!

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2024 Belated Updated Movie Masterlist

every year, i repost my movie watchlist here and set a new goal for movie watching. it is september now and i only just realized that i never did that for 2024!

instead, i tried to chip away at the 2023 reviews i was behind on first, got absolutely swamped by life (which i promise i'm still working on telling you all about) and never kicked off 2024 officially, even as i have been watching movies and keeping track of them to review here.

so, no time like almost-october, right? better than letting all of 2024 be absorbed into a black hole. and i didn't have a goal for this year, since i completely forgot to even kick off the year with a fresh masterpost, but the upside of that is that i don't have to feel bad about never coming close to my aspirational ideals.

also! i finally gave in and created a letterboxd account, though i'm still working on setting things up over there--and i'm going to keep writing my reviews over here anyway, because this is still my online home.

if anybody wants to read my most recent year in review, last year’s list is here, with movies i watched linked to their reviews (and more reviews to come). for 2024 though, behold, my constantly-growing movie list (split in half because tumblr's mad at how many i want to see):

4th man out (2015) 12 years a slave (2013) a family man (2016) a room with a view (1985) a simple favor (2018) a single man (2009) a wrinkle in time (2018) abigail (2024) about time (2013) admission (2013) after yang (2021) always be my maybe (2019) american fiction (2023) american gangster (2007) ammonite (2020) amsterdam (2022) an education (2009) anything’s possible (2022) aquaman (2018) are you there god? it’s me margaret (2023) argylle (2024) arrival (2016) atonement (2007) august: osage county (2013) babylon (2023) bad education (2019) be kind rewind (2008) bedazzled (2000) beetlejuice (1988) beetlejuice beetlejuice (2024) begin again (2013) between the temples (2024) big eyes (2014) billy elliot (2000) blockers (2018) bohemian rhapsody (2018) bowfinger (1999) boy erased (2018) breaking (2022) brideshead revisited (2008) bright young things (2003) burn burn burn (2015) cairo time (2009) call jane (2022) can you ever forgive me? (2018) catherine called birdy (2022) chef (2014) clemency (2019) coco (2017) cold copy (2023) colette (2018) crazy rich asians (2018) creed (2015) creed 2 (2018) creed 3 (2023) crimson peak (2015) crouching tiger, hidden dragon (2000) crush (2022) cuckoo (2024) cyrano (2021) dazed and confused (1993) demolition man (1993) devil’s knot (2013) didi (2024) die hard 2 (1990) die hard with a vengeance (1995) dog day afternoon (1975) drive-away dolls (2024) dual (2022) earth girls are easy (1988) effie gray (2014) ella mckay (?) eurovision song contest: the story of fire saga (2020) fast color (2018) fear street part one: 1994 (2021) fear street part two: 1978 (2021) fear street part three: 1666 (2021) fighting with my family (2019) fly me to the moon (2024) fright night (2011) furiosa: a mad max saga (2024) galaxy quest (1999) girls trip (2017) glass onion: a knives out mystery (2022) gone girl (2014) good luck to you, leo grande (2022) goodbye christopher robin (2017) gosford park (2001) gunpowder milkshake (2021) happy death day (2017) happy death day 2u (2019) happy texas (1999) her smell (2018) his three daughters (2023) hit man (2023) holes (2003) honk for jesus. save your soul. (2022) honor society (2022) how to talk to girls at parties (2017) how to train your dragon (2010) hysteria (2011) i am not your negro (2017) i don’t feel at home in this world anymore (2017) i saw the tv glow (2024) i, tonya (2017) if (2024) if beale street could talk (2018) inception (2010) infinitely polar bear (2014) jackie (2016) jane got a gun (2015) janet planet (2024) jennifer's body (2009) joyful noise (2012) judas and the black messiah (2021) judy blume forever (2023) junebug (2005) jupiter ascending (2015) just mercy (2019) kajillionaire (2020) keeping mum (2005) killers of the flower moon (2023) knife fight (2012) kubo and the two strings (2016) laggies (2014) last holiday (2006) late night (2019) lemonade mouth (2011) little (2019) live free or die hard (2007) logan lucky (2017) longlegs (2024) love, simon (2018) magic mike xxl (2015) magic mike: last dance (2023) mansfield park (1999) marmalade (2024) mars attacks! (1996) mary queen of scots (2018) master (2022) master gardener (2022) maxxxine (2024) may december (2024) me and earl and the dying girl (2015) meet the robinsons (2007) megamind (2010) memento (2000) men in black international (2019) mermaids (1990) midsommar (2019) migration (2023) miss pettigrew lives for a day (2008) miss sloane (2016) missing (2023) monkey business (1952) moonlight (2016) moonrise kingdom (2012) moonshot (2022) mother couch (2023) mothers instinct (2024) moving on (2022) mr. magorium’s wonder emporium (2007) mr. mom (1983) much ado about nothing (2011) muriel’s wedding (1994) musica (2024)

nancy drew and the hidden staircase (2019) nanny mcphee (2005) nanny mcphee returns (2010) national anthem (2024) never let me go (2010) newsies (1992) night shift (2023) no time to die (2021) nope (2022) northanger abbey (2007) not okay (2022) obvious child (2014) omni loop (2024) on the come up (2022) oppenheimer (2023) other people (2016) pacific rim (2013) palm springs (2020) parallel (2024) parasite (2019) paris is burning (1990) passing (2021) penelope (2006) pete’s dragon (2016) pirate radio (2009) please stand by (2017) polite society (2023) pride (2014) pride and prejudice and zombies (2016) professor marston and the wonder women (2016) renfield (2023) return to oz (1985) rise of the guardians (2012) rita moreno: just a girl who decided to go for it (2021) rocketman (2019) roll bounce (2005) rosaline (2022) saving face (2004) say anything (1989) scoop (2024) scream (2022) scream 6 (2023) see how they run (2022) seeking a friend for the end of the world (2012) she said (2022) shirley (2024) shoplifters (2018) short term 12 (2013) sing street (2016) skincare (2024) sleeping with other people (2015) someone great (2019) somewhere quiet (2023) sorry to bother you (2018) soul (2020) spider-ham: caught in a ham (2019) spider-man: across the spiderverse (2023) spider-man: far from home (2019) spider-man: homecoming (2017) spider-man: into the spiderverse (2018) spider-man: no way home (2021) spin me round (2022) spotlight (2015) spy kids (2001) stage fright (2014) step up (2006) talk to me (2022) teeth (2007) the 355 (2022) the age of innocence (1993) the american society of magical negroes (2024) the anniversary party (2001) the batman (2022) the best exotic marigold hotel (2012) the bikeriders (2023) the book of clarence (2023) the breadwinner (2017) the burial (2023) the children act (2017) the craft: legacy (2020) the disaster artist (2017) the divine order (2017) the emperor’s new groove (2000) the eyes of tammy faye (2021) the fall (2006)    the fallout (2021) the fighting temptations (2003) the five year engagement (2012) the gentlemen (2019) the godfather (1972) the godfather part 2 (1974) the godfather part 3 (1990) the great gatsby (2013) the great lillian hall (2024) the hunchback of notre dame (1996) the hunt (2020) the iron lady (2011) the kill room (2023) the legend of tarzan (2016) the lost city (2022) the master (2012) the matrix resurrections (2021) the monuments men (2014) the notebook (2004) the old guard (2020) the outfit (2022) the photograph (2020) the prestige (2006) the prince of egypt (1998) the prom (2020) the queen (2006) the royal hotel (2023) the second best exotic marigold hotel (2016) the secret garden (2020) the skeleton twins (2014) the spy who dumped me (2018) the suicide squad (2021) the thicket (2024) the trial of the chicago 7 (2020) the truman show (1998) the unbearable weight of massive talent (2022) the united states vs. billie holiday (2021) the velocipastor (2018) the way he looks (2014) the woman king (2022) the wonder (2022) their finest (2016) thelma (2024) this means war (2012) tootsie (1982) treasure planet (2002) troop zero (2019) turtles all the way down (2024) twisters (2024) two lovers and a bear (2016) uglies (2024) upgraded (2024) us (2019) v for vendetta (2005) valley girl (2020) velvet goldmine (1998) venom (2018) venom: let there be carnage (2021) venom: the last dance (2024) victoria & abdul (2017) violent night (2022) walk the line (2005) wet hot american summer (2001) what happens later (2023) what we do in the shadows (2014) where’d you go, bernadette (2019) widows (2018) wild target (2010) winner (2024) women talking (2022) yesterday (2019) young adult (2011) zombieland: double tap (2019)

[murderedcrow]

Comfort Movie List Top 10

Saw a cute challenge going around and just thought to share mine :)

1. What's Up, Doc?

2. Strange Magic

3. Waterworld

4. A series of unfortunate events (2004)

5. Sweeney Todd

6. It's a Wonderful World (1939)

7. Oblivion

8. Cutthroat Island (1995)

9. I don't feel at home in this world anymore (2017)

10. Arsenic and old Lace (1944)

And everything else Cary Grant really 🤭

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

She Keeps Me Warm

Written By: Mary Lambert

Artist: Mary Lambert

Released: 2013

This song is an extension of her collaboration with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis on “Same Love.” Where “Same Love” advocated a message of equality for same-sex couples, this song celebrates the love and attraction within same-sex relationships. It is a pure love song meant for all people, intending not to exploit or provide shock value, but to paint a graceful and powerful romantic picture. Written by Lambert, the song utilizes the familiar chorus and coda of “Same Love,” while employing a string-laden production and pop structure.

[Verse 1] She says I smell like safety and home I named both of her eyes Forever and Please Don't Go I could be your morning sunrise all the time, all the time, yeah This could be good, this could be good [Chorus] And I can't change, even if I tried Even if I wanted to And I can't change, even if I tried Even if I wanted to My love, my love, my love, my love She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm [Verse 2] What's your middle name? Do you hate your job? Do you fall in love too easily? What's your favorite word? You like kissing girls? Can I call you baby? [Pre-Chorus] She says that people stare Cause we look so good together Yeah, yeah, yeah [Chorus] And I can't change, even if I tried Even if I wanted to And I can't change, even if I tried Even if I wanted to My love, my love, my love, my love She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm [Outro] I'm not crying on Sundays, I'm not crying on Sundays I'm not crying on Sundays, I'm not crying on Sundays Love is patient, love is kind Love is patient, love is kind My love, my love, my love, my love She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm

Heaven Is a Place on Earth

Written By: Ellen Shipley & Rick Nowels

Artist: Belinda Carlisle

Released: 1987

Re-recording included: 2017

“Heaven Is a Place on Earth” was the lead single from Belinda Carlisle’s second album, Heaven on Earth. The single was released in September 1987, shortly before the album, and it reached the top of the charts in at least nine countries. The song features Thomas Dolby on keyboards, and among the backing singers were Michelle Phillips (of the Mamas and the Papas) and the song’s writers, Rick Nowels and Ellen Shipley. When Carlisle reprised the song for her 2017 album Wilder Shores, she slowed the tempo and sang only with piano accompaniment.

[Chorus] Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth They say in Heaven love comes first We'll make Heaven a place on Earth Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth [Verse 1] When the night falls down I wait for you and you come around And the world's alive With the sound of kids on the street outside [Pre-Chorus] When you walk into the room You pull me close and we start to move And we're spinning with the stars above And you lift me up in a wave of love [Chorus] Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth They say in Heaven love comes first We'll make Heaven a place on Earth Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth [Verse 2] When I feel alone I reach for you and you bring me home When I'm lost at sea I hear your voice and it carries me [Pre-Chorus] In this world, we're just beginning To understand the miracle of living Baby, I was afraid before But I'm not afraid anymore [Chorus] Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth They say in Heaven love comes first We'll make Heaven a place on Earth Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth [Interlude] (Heaven) (Heaven) (Heaven) [Bridge] In this world, we're just beginning To understand the miracle of living Baby, I was afraid before But I'm not afraid anymore [Break] (Heaven) [Chorus] Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth They say in Heaven love comes first We'll make Heaven a place on Earth Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth (Ooh) Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth (Ooh) Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth (Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth)

[amalgamgooze]

seven years of waiting come to an end

Hey everybody. So today is the day of the eclipse...

or it would be, if I were writing this post today.

I'm instead writing this post yesterday because I don't know if I'll get home in time to write about actually watching the eclipse, so...

I'll probably write a super cool poem for my next post.

But today's post is better spent talking about how today's eclipse is personally significant.

...

In a more innocent time,

back in the distant year of 2017,

My mother took my brother and me to watch the August 21 eclipse at an outlet mall. With our eclipse glasses and fact sheets in tow, we sat at a bench just outside the bustling plaza to gaze up at the sky.

Of course, I wasn't fortunate enough to live anywhere near the path of totality, so we only witnessed a partial eclipse. The world grew a little darker, and a bite was missing from the once-circular sun we saw through the filtered cardboard glasses.

I still thought it was pretty cool.

Of course, in the aftermath of the eclipse, we discussed the next one we might want to go watch. This eclipse's path of totality was much closer to where we lived, so we'd be able to go watch this one in person. The only problem, however, was that it was so far off in the future.

April 8, 2024. We'd set our sights.

At the time, I was only just entering sixth grade. Though the upcoming eclipse was exciting, it was also so distant, and there were a bazillion more pressing events at the time. The eclipse would only be happening in my last year of high school, and I wasn't even a lowly sixth grader yet! Regardless, the 2024 eclipse was still something that'd stayed in the back of my mind at all times.

...

Now,

almost seven years later,

with a bazillion events behind me

and a million more unexpected ones

the eclipse is finally here.

It goes without saying that I'm a different person than I was seven years ago.

It would be insane to stay the same through all of it.

Middle school and high school,

a struggle to find friends and companionship,

the deaths of close family members,

years of just being generally nervous,

...

and of course, a global pandemic!

...

and a trillion nights spent staring up at the stars

and a few lunar eclipses too.

(lunar eclipses are pretty cool too! you might know them as "blood moons"!)

...

Today, I've found friends I'm happy with, as well as just feeling better about life in general, even if I still have my low moments.

That's just a few things that have changed.

But one thing that's held constant through it all was the anticipation for the April 2024 eclipse.

...

And now, instead of almost seven years between now and the eclipse, it's not even 24 hours anymore.

It's weird and exhilarating.

Sitting here right now, the past seven years feel like a blur.

That's not how they were, but there's an immense amount of solace in knowing there's no more difficult times or hard days left in the seven-year wait.

...

At times, I didn't even know if I'd live to see this eclipse.

Other times, the hopes of seeing this eclipse were evidence in a personally-bound argument as to why I should keep pushing on through the tough times.

...

But now is a more hopeful era.

I don't feel as if I need the promise of some astronomical event to help me see it through one more day/week anymore. I've found my own personal source of motivation now.

...

But even then, the eclipse has to have been the longest wait I've endured, and will likely ever endure too. (Sure, there's me getting out of grade school, but that's different.)

After the eclipse, I'll only have a few more clearly marked dates-I've-been-waiting-forever-for. These include my graduation from high school and the day I leave for college.

Beyond that, I have no more dates to look forward to.

It will just be me for the rest of eternity,

hopefully hacking away at personal projects

with a new type of anticipation,

not the type for some well-defined calendar date,

but instead, the anticipation for the day when I finally share my projects with the world.

...

But that's so far off into the future.

Who knows if I'll even feel like making the projects I want to make anymore once I'm that old?

For now, however,

I think I'm just going to relax,

and watch the eclipse I've waited so long for.

...

And I might not even get to see it,

because it might be cloudy.

Here's hoping it won't be.

Here's hoping the past seven years of waiting

haven't been in vain.

...

though I probably won't be devastated if it is.

regardless, the world will still fall under darkness,

albeit even if just for a few minutes.

...

It's all Waiting for Godot anymore, isn't it?

...

I still can't believe the wait is finally over.

[mediademon]

Elijah Wood as Tony in I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore (2017)